#lots of arbitrary rules for myself (its the ocd)

[wackywatchdotcom]

gotta rb stuff more tbh

[hatchibomitar]

so i do this thing where i have to count my steps/follow arbitrary rules when i walk (has to be an even number of steps, cant step on the cracks/lines, etc.) and its starting to kinda affect my daily life. its affecting my work, sometimes i dont even want to get out of bed because walking is so mentally exhausting, stuff like that. basically i just wanted to ask 1. if you deal w/ anything like this and 2. how you deal with it and/or if you had any advice (ps you didnt reply late, dont worry!)

i know exactly what you mean yea!! i’ve done a lot lot of things like this in the past and i have a few i do right now. the most prominent one i have right now is any food im eating, whether it be carrots, apple slices, a bagel, etc, i absolutely have to eat it in size order from smallest to largest. i only started noticing it a few months ago, but now that i’ve noticed i do it, it’s become conscious and i can’t get msyelf to stop. i also always have to have my computer volume on 12; if it needs to be louder, it can only go up by 2′s. and i used to have a super bad handwashing problem. it’s a lot bettetr now, but i still will wash my hands a lot if im feeling particluarly Unclean or anxious

the only luck i have had with getting better about these things is like....i used to have a shit ton of problems, like the handwashing, but it was only at my parent’s house in portland when i was growing up and shit. once i left for college, a lot of that changed for me. the handwashing was usually triggered by seeing things in my parent’s kitchen or whenever i got too close/touched the compost bin. for me, they were really regionally-related. like i only got those feelings bad when i was in the environment that it always happened. so my first idea would be, could you try walking in a wildly different area and see if it still happens there? take a bus or get a ride somewhere you never walk and maybe try it out? my other idea would be maybe purposefully step on just one crack and wait to see that nothing bad happens. my old psychiatrist once told me that the way you treat ocd is you force yourself to wait to do the Thing. for example, for me, it’d be like....i make myself touch the compost bin, then i wait 3 seconds before washing my hands. and over time, you spread the gap. i have never tried doing this hahaha because i moved away so soon after. but! i’ve heard that’s helpful. 

for me at least whenever i do these rituals i have to do them IMMEDIATELY in this like,, panicked frenzy and my heart will be racing until i make myself feel better. i dunno if that’s how you feel, but there’s like...the urgency. so i think waiting would start to train your brain that it’s ok to go without the rituals. i hope this was helpful?? if you wanna talk more i am Here and i’d love to help <3