#lots of thoughts in relationship to the idea of obsession and objectification in relation to caionard as a ship but im too tired to put it

[gu6chan]

He threw him to the ground and pinned him down like this and has just been staring at him like this for hours now. hes fascinated

Thank you for whoever voted caionard on my little poll!! It's not much but I hope you like it, I hope to do barnabas shenanigans soon... 👀

Reference under cut:

This is a really old reference (from at least 2017, if not earlier) so I couldn't find the original poster :( let me know if anyone has an idea for the original author so I can give proper credit!

[womendeservehumanity]

Being aware of how much men hate us makes it hard for me to have any sort of hope. I'm straight (I think??) and I don't think I want to date men at all which is fine because I never dated anyway, but still I yearn for Intimitacy and romance and I can only get that through fiction. You can't be with a man without chopping off a part of yourself first. I wish I were still unaware of how much they hate us, although I think we all know deep down. We choose not to see it in order to...live. it's a heavy burden. What do you with it?

I have never in my life related to something this hard. This sounds like something I’d write omg 😭 I really do feel for you. As someone who has loved romance and romcoms since as long as they could remember, I always had this picturesque idea of relationships. That they were equal. That it wouldn’t even be a question that a man would see women as people and be capable of loving a woman. I thought they viewed women and relationships with women how I and other women view them.

Throughout middle school I had VERY intense crushes. Like I was obsessed lol. I never really comprehended the concept of misogyny and the very warped way men and boys viewed women and girls. I, again just thought they viewed us the way we viewed them. Void of hatred and objectification.

I’ve had one boyfriend in my life and he gave me hope that there were men that were truly capable of loving a woman. That were free of misogyny as much as a man could be. And I truly do think that he loved me and that he’s a good person (pls don’t crucify me radblr). He definitely wasn’t perfect. I didn’t find my unicorn of a man or anything.

Although I had that experience I still have come to the conclusion that it’s not worth it searching for that man who, in a sea of men that do nothing but make women’s lives worse, is a good person and sees me and other women as people deserving of respect. And it’s definitely not the worth the risk. But I still very much feel you on craving intimacy and romance. And it’s so polarizing to innately desire that with your biggest threat.

It’s something I’m still navigating so I can’t give you the most surefire advice or perspective. Women are taught since so young, to center and prioritize romantic relationships above everything. I’ve seen the result, where so many girls have essentially alienated themselves from anything beyond their boyfriend. Identity, relationships, etc. it’s heartbreaking. So I feel like it especially makes the idea of a life without romance seem hard. But familial and platonic relationships are just as valuable. Romance isn’t the endgame and end all be all. There are so many amazing women out there who will show you so much warmth and love in life. And just because it isn’t romantic doesn’t mean it’s not fulfilling.

And I know this is corny and self explanatory but having a relationship and love for yourself is so important. Especially in a world that thinks you don’t deserve that. You do! I practice mindfulness a lot. It helps with feeling grounded and being able to find inner peace. Sometimes I just see how much this world hates women. How much women are suffering globally. How much men truly hate us. To a capacity I could never comprehend a human being feeling. And that the idea of ever being with a man without knowing all of this and him not being apart of the problem is unrealistic. It’s so overwhelming and frustrating at times that it consumes me. And having that mindfulness is why I can still be happy and enjoy life. Another thing. Invest in your hobbies and interests. Take that time for yourself. I love going to the movie theater (my absolute favorite place on this earth) and just leaving everything behind for a 1-2 hours. You deserve that.

Another thing. I still love me a good romcom/romance movie, romance novel, and ship. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with indulging in it. Most of the time it’s made by women for women for the immersion of having that type of love and relationship with a man. Because even non-radicalized women have this silent acceptance that those expectations from a man are ridiculous beyond fiction. I remember a tumblr post noting that that’s why so many men hate and mock the romance genre. The idea of women expecting them to love and express love for them is foolish.

And as I’ve come to realize how men are. Even beyond blatant hatred and violence. Their depthless view of women. How they view sex. It’s just made me not really want a relationship. It’s not that I’m not attracted to them anymore and don’t desire romance but I’ve just lost interest in them. Seeing what that relationship would most likely entail on account of women I’ve seen both in real life and online makes that decision much easier. Women deserve so much more than that.

This was so long I’m sorry 😣 but anon if you’re still here I wish nothing but happiness and love in your beautiful life. Your words truly resonated with me. Still kinda wanting that ignorance to men’s hatred and violence. I think back to those times. When I could never even comprehend a man hating women to the degree I see everyday online. And that they saw us how we saw them. As people. But once you make this realization you can never really come back. I’ve tried in the past. And now I know that it’s in the best interest of myself and other women to not ignore that and live in “blissful” (if you could even call it that) ignorance.

[ladyloveandjustice]

The Westing Game Chapter 21

The Fourth Bomb

In a wacky misunderstanding, Theo thinks Alice is the bomber and tries to blackmail her with the info so he can borrow her bike (Yes, really. Go big or go home is Theo’s motto) but of course Alice thinks he means he knows ANGELA is the bomber.

And in what might be the most touching moment in the book so far, Alice responds to this by setting off a bomb and writing a thing indicating that she is the bomber in order to throw all suspicion off Angela. She eve loses her trademark braid in the process.

It really is incredibly sweet. Alice is very caustic toward her sister, but this isn’t the first time she’s indicated she’s ride-or-die when it comes down to it (she got rid of the evidence for Angela and warned her not to say anything to the lawyer), and it’s also a very lovely response to Angela’s early sacrifice- where she took the bomb she made to her face rather than have it explode to her sisters. But while Angela’s sacrifice was spur-of-the-moment motivated by guilt and panic as well as love (not that it makes it less meaningful), Alice’s is one she planned out and considered. She had time to consider the consequences. She knew that Angela willingly put herself in this position. But she still chose to take the fall anyway, and set off a bomb after seeing what the same thing did to her sister’s face.

She already feels meaningless to her family in general, and maybe on the surface she feels her standing (with her mother in particular) can’t get any lower. “I’m already the troublemaker, I’m already the unwanted one, I have nothing to lose, but Angela would lose everything” was how she convinced herself. (in addition to being aware as a minor she wouldn’t be punished as harshly, smart girl that she is).

But it’s also clear that Alice DOES long for her mother’s love and approval, and I think she also had to contend with a deep fear that after this action, there’d be no going back for them, that she’d doomed herself to be the ‘bad one’ forever. Yet she still did it.

And the loss of her braid is of course, incredibly significant. Angela said earlier that the braid is her “crutch”- she bases a lot of her personality around it. It was her excuse to spend time with her mother and now her excuse to spend time with Flora, it’s the trademark thing people can pull on and she can then she gets excuse to kick them and get in fights and form connections, it’s how she gets attention and relationships for herself without exposing her own vulnerability. But she sacrificed what little that makes her stand out, what little social currency she has to protect the same sister who she envies for being in the spotlight- because that bond is more important than her jealousy and her need for attention. Just like her sister sacrificed one of the things that bring her adulation- her looks- to protect her. Love is more important than those petty things.

Alice is forced to talk to Judge Ford afterwards and, sharp as ever, Ford guesses that she’s protecting Angela.  This quote especially gets me:

The judge was astounded (…). Angela could not be the bomber, that sweet, pretty thing. Thing? Is that how she regarded the young woman, as a thing? And what had she ever said to her except “I hear you’re getting married, Angela” or “You’re so pretty, Angela”. Had anyone ever asked about her ideas, her hopes, her plans? If I had been treated like that, I’d have used dynamite, not fireworks; no, I would have just walked and kept on going. But Angela was different.

There’s a fascinating theme in this book about being marginalized, and the different ways these marginalized people both are pitted against each other and can overlook even each other while also finding connections and comradery with each other… I think I’ll have to wait until the end to fully get my thesis on the whole thing together, but I really find it interesting and appreciate it. Ford’s struggles as a black woman, Alice being overlooked for not performing femininity (thus envious of Angela despite knowing how shitty she has it), Angela being boxed because everyone wants to mold her as the perfect feminine ideal (thus feeling envious of Alice despite knowing how shitty she has it), Sun feeling out of place as a Chinese immigrant, Hoo knowing he’s looked down upon as a Chinese-American (yet still not considering the pain of his own wife), Chris struggling as a disabled kid, many people who are financially disadvantaged and/or feeling limited to the role of caretaker, Sydelle feeling overlooked in general and appropriating others’ struggles in her bizarre quest to get noticed- it’s all very interesting and pretty deftly handled, especially considering the time period the book was written in. 

And our antagonist is quintessential exploitative Rich White Man (obsessed with American Exceptionalism to boot), though it’s casually mentioned he’s the son of immigrants, an identity he seems to have actively shed, going so far as to change his name (if that’s why he changed it), so there’s even complexity there.

But the thing with Ford here is an interesting demonstration of that. Despite being smart and socially aware and having an even more fraught history of being dismissed and belittled, she didn’t give much thought to Angela and subconsciously went along with the same objectification everyone else does, putting her on a pedestal. (There’s a lot to be said about how Angela’s veneration and perceived “purity” by the others might interact with her whiteness, and how Ford realizing she bought into that narrative subconsciously might feel to her as a black woman, but I’m not really the person to discuss that. Anyway!)

The other important development here is that Alice also finally confesses that she saw Westing the night of his murder but mentions that the Westing she saw didn’t look dead, but asleep and like a wax dummy. This sets off alarm bells for both me and Ford.

So, I think its safe to say my earlier theory Sam Westing isn’t dead is probably true. What of the corpse that was present at the will-reading? I think people would have noticed it was a wax dummy, but a disguised corpse from his coroner friend still makes some sense. So where is Westing now? Considering Barney Northup doesn’t exist, could he be Barney?

But speaking of Westing, if we need further confirmation the man is the scum of the earth, he’s a union buster and he fired Sandy for trying to organize one in the paper plant.

We also learn Ford’s backstory with Westing at last: Her parents were household staff at Westing’s mansion and she grew up there as a result. She played chess with Westing frequently as a child, but not only would he brag and take pride in beating a goddamn pre-teen, he mocked her with racialized insults. She never won, but Westing ended up financing her education (that’s the ‘debt’ she owes him). She believes he did this to get a judge he could control, but has refused to play along, removing herself from any case involving him.

I can’t help but think Westing would have known Ford wouldn’t play ball, though. So he may have had another motive for sending her to school. It could be something even more sinister. Or… in his own twisted way, did he actually like her? He obviously realized she was incredibly intelligent during those matches, even if he sadistically enjoyed mocking her, enough to know she’d do well with an education. Did he play chess with her so much not just because he enjoyed tormenting her, but enjoyed her as a person as well? It obviously does not excuse what a racist sadistic shithead he is, and I’m not saying he’s secretly nice- just that it could be he was incapable of relating to anyone in a healthy way. I actually think sending Ford to school could have just been an extension of his desire to torment her AND the only way he knew that would guarantee he remained important in her life. He didn’t ever plan to cash in on her debt, but knew it would kill her just to BE in his debt, and got pleasure out of that alone. He probably just thought it was funny and it was also a way to guarantee he’d live in her head rent free- and because deep down he knew she was a cool kid, he also wanted that. He didn’t want her to forget him, maybe, which is sick! But much more interesting than simply “he wanted a judge he could manipulate”.

But it’s also worth noting this is Ford’s (perhaps) final chance to win against Westing in the ultimate chess match. And I can’t help but think he is well aware how smart she is, so he invited her here specifically because he knew she could be his undoing, the one who unravels everything. So- if we go with the ‘Westing is seeking atonement’ theory- did he invite her to give her that satisfaction of finally beating him, like he always knew deep down she could? Because he WANTS to be beaten, to be found out and knows she deserves to be the one after all the hell he put her through? Or in the ‘Westing is still a complete monster’ theory- is his intention to torment her one last time, to show her she can’t win against him? (if it is, I think he may well find he’s gravely mistaken there).

I don’t think Westing can truly achieve “redemption” with this “game”, nor am I one to easily believe the Ultimate Shitty Capitalist can change easily, but if one thing can shake someone’s worldview and make them reevaluate how they live their life, the death of their child WOULD be a big one. So “this will actually be Westing’s weird twisted attempt at atonement” is a possibility I just can’t stop thinking about. If it is, it’s kind of funny and incredible he can’t stop being manipulative and traumatizing even when he decides he wants to do something good.

On top of all that, Angela and Sydelle get more clues and finally figure out the ‘America the Beautiful’ connection. God, so much to chew on this chapter! I really fear for these last nine chapters. I might end up writing a novel longer than the actual novel analyzing and recapping them if I’m not careful. But that’s how you know it’s a compelling story, so hats off to Ellen Raskin!

[thickenmyblood]

i just spent 3 days straight reading WTSIOA and i have 0 regrets. it was so poignant and well written. genuinely on of the best works i've ever read, in any fandom. thanks so much for sharing it with us. i'm a bit dense so i just want to clarify a couple of things about the fic: why was laurent wearing tight clothes? i saw you mention it in a couple of comments and replies but i didn't understand the significance. also, why did damen say auguste would never scar again? (ctd)

Hello! I’m very happy you enjoyed that fic, and I’m even happier you decided to reach out to let me know how you felt. Thank you for the compliments and the kind words! 

Your questions were very interesting, so don’t feel dense for asking them. You apologized for the length of your asks, so now it’s time for me to apologize for the length of my reply. I get carried away sometimes.

So, here’s what I think.

Laurent has a complicated relationship with self-destruction. It was hard to write it explicitly, mainly because I couldn't use terms like 'trauma' or 'self-harm' or even 'depression'. As you can imagine, writing Canon Setting fics is very hard sometimes. There's so much of modern psychology that just couldn't be included for the sake of historical accuracy. Even the Patran physician sometimes felt like a stretch, and so I found myself avoiding scenes where I would have to show exactly what happened in those 'therapy sessions'. I'm very ignorant when it comes to phycology, and although I did some research when I was writing the fic, most of what I found was related to dreams. So that's what I stuck to.

As a child, Laurent has little control over his life. Abuse is, in essence, the loss of control over one's body and decisions. This manifests in Laurent wanting control in whatever shape or form he can get it, similarly to what happens in canon. When the abuse stops, Laurent doesn't magically gain all the control back because A) his uncle has managed to emotionally manipulate him to the point of making him believe that what they had was love, thus still controlling him from a distance and B) Auguste makes it his life's mission to ensure nothing like that ever happens to Laurent again by basically having him watched 24/7 and constantly reminding him that he's too young, that he's not to engage in certain acts, etc.

He's a very controlling child. He doesn't like Aimeric not only because Aimeric has been mean to him and tried to humiliate him multiple times, but because he can't quite control Aimeric the way he'd like to. Child-Aimeric is very fierce and doesn't care about propriety, something that is foreign to Laurent as a prince. Laurent also likes the fact that Jord and Lazar are, up to a certain point, obliged to obey him. He likes to refuse food. He likes control so much he lies to himself about his situation when he foolishly believes he's managed to manipulate Auguste into sending him away to Akielos. Auguste sends him to Akielos because he's been advised to, presumably by the Patran physician and Damianos. It has little to do with Laurent.

As an adult, Laurent still craves control. Here's where the tight clothes come into play. Self-inflicted pain has a lot to do with control issues and over discipline. As readers, we've missed a large portion of Laurent's life, four years where he goes through puberty, and so we can only guess that his need for control has escalated to a more physical level. Puberty revolves around the changes in one's body, changes that Laurent despises because he knows/has been told his uncle doesn't like them either. And Laurent wants to be liked by his uncle.

He wears tight clothes and tight shoes because they hurt him, because he's uncomfortable in them. I think he's been uncomfortable his whole life, for one reason or another, and through these small practices, he's able to control that discomfort. He can regulate it perfectly. 

His self-harming tendencies go beyond the clothes he wears. He does things without caring much about how they will directly affect him. He has a lot of negative feelings towards himself, some he voices out loud, some he does not. For example, he's willing to give himself to Torveld in exchange for soldiers despite having no sexual attraction towards him (it could be argued that he's internalized that to serve his kingdom through marriage is his duty, but he says very clearly to Damianos that he does not want to be married. To let Torverld fuck him would be a self-rape kind of situation). In the epilogue, he calls his past self a whore. As I said, negative self-talk.

He dresses very stiffly in the books as well, hiding a lot of skin. I always thought the laces, despite being just part of his culture, were very functional to his self-imposed "modesty". They're great tools to show restraint.

Moving on to the next question, Damen says Auguste would never scar again because he believes Auguste will be executed that day. Between the scene where Auguste is wounded and his supposed execution, there are only a few hours. It's not enough time for a scar to appear. 

Now we've reached the juicy bit of this ask. So, Laurent and Auguste.

I agree with your interpretation. Auguste's guilt is immense and unimaginable, and he never deals with it 'correctly'. He blames himself for the abuse, for being naive and too trusting. That guilt makes him feel ashamed.

Laurent can sense some of that shame in Auguste, but he interprets it to be shame towards him. Laurent thinks Auguste is repulsed by him, by what Laurent thinks he wanted, and that Auguste is essentially ashamed of him. That is not the case.

In reality, as I said above, Auguste is ashamed of himself. He was left in the role of Laurent's main caretaker (something that is only heightened by the fact that he is the King—the caretaker of the whole kingdom, in a way) and he failed his brother. He failed Laurent so terribly their lives are forever changed and shaped by that failure. 

Auguste's obsession with Laurent being a child has nothing to do with fetish. It's about how Auguste knew Laurent as a boy before the abuse took place, and how he remembers Laurent being back then. He calls him sweet, in contrast to adult-Laurent who is cunning, and mean, and very much like child-Aimeric. Auguste treats Laurent like a child because he wants that version of Laurent back. In fact, Auguste is convinced Laurent's 'true' personality is sweet, but that the abuse took that away from him. If their uncle had not existed, Laurent would have grown up to be very, very different, and that is something Auguste is continuingly mourning.

I think they're both very codependent and bad at communicating. They don't have the tools to address what happened to Laurent, and so the shame and the guilt fester in both of them, making their relationship very twisted at times. You mentioned Auguste's jealousy, but I wouldn't necessarily call him jealous. I'd say he's extremely overprotective, to the point where he ruins things for Laurent. He kept Laurent inside the palace for four years, not even letting him attend Damianos' coronation. (However, Laurent proves time and time again that he's not to be trusted too easily. He did try to run away and get back to their uncle at fourteen/fifteen). Auguste is overprotective because of the guilt he feels. He's overcompensating, basically.

He kills Benoit because of the disrespect he shows Laurent, but also because he can't stand Laurent's objectification/sexualization. Children are not sexual beings, and to him, Laurent is a child, no matter how old he is. 

He's mad at Torveld because he was overstepping. Courtship is important, and to skip the step of asking Auguste first whether or not he can pursue Laurent's affections is a big deal. Auguste views that behavior as predatory because it happens behind his back. This is why he's so angry at Damianos towards the end. Auguste has trusted him to keep Laurent safe, something he's only ever done with one other person (their uncle, duh, we all can see why he's projecting so hard and why he's so angry at Damianos in that tent. It feels like he's failed all over again, thus he feels renewed shame and guilt).

Lastly, Auguste's reluctance to take a pet has to do with control. Laurent is not the only controlling bastard in Vere, apparently.

Because of his uncle, Auguste has not had a moment of true peace in years. Half his country hates him and accuses him of the worst acts he can think of, and the other half follows him out of fear rather than true and free commitment. To have every action scrutinized… to be always in the wrong no matter what and have everyone dissect your choices…. He's just not willing to bend in some areas. I really think he'd rather snap.

Pets are one of those areas. Auguste tells Damianos he's had pets over the years, but he doesn't go into too much detail. When the lords keep suggesting he beds one (but not ANY of them, it has to be a man who looks nothing like Laurent) Auguste views this as other people trying to control him. He can't do any of the things he wants (hug his brother in public without being accused of being incestuous, rule his whole country, execute his uncle, etc) and so he thinks 'why must I give them this too?'

His reluctance to take a wife comes from the fact that the last woman he liked enough to court was one of his uncle's spies. He had her killed in a horrible way and her betrayal has stayed with him. It makes sense that he's a bit cautious of dating again.

Laurent is jealous of his brother's pets, but not because he wishes he was one of them. Laurent is jealous of them because they hold his brother's attention. He's jealous of anyone who takes or threatens to take Auguste away from him. It's because of this reason that he's so irrationally angry at Aimeric in the second half of the story. He hates the idea of Aimeric, who's always been his 'rival', getting to be in a position of controlling Auguste or holding his affection. 

Despite how much Laurent criticizes Auguste, he can't conceive a life without him. He doesn't want Auguste to die, and he also doesn't want to go away forever and never see his brother again. This is mentioned a couple of times, both when he's a kid and when he's an adult. "I don't like sharing" is one of the quotes that come to mind. Again, codependency.

Lastly, Laurent's dislike for pets has to do with his self-hatred and, controversially, with his slut-shaming. He's been on his knees for his uncle, not just sexually. Again and again, he keeps mentioning kneeling/sitting by his uncle's feet on the floor, being fed by him, etc. I think… Although there's a big part of Laurent that still fervently believes his uncle loves him, there's also a small, tiny part that knows or suspects his uncle's interest in him was purely sexual. Which means he was just a boy being used as a pet. Which in turn makes him dislike pets for reasons he can't quite explain. There's always disdain and disgust when he speaks of them, but it's pretty obvious it's not because he cares about the morality of sex work. That knowledge that his uncle used him is subconscious, but it manifests itself in his dislike for pets. 

How can pets enjoy being used sexually? The only way Laurent can justify what happened to him is through the lens of love. His uncle loved him, and that's why they had sex. Otherwise, to 'enjoy' being used without the romantic component lowers him to a pet status. It's degrading.

The ending is very open. Auguste and Laurent have both done pretty horrible things to each other, but they've done so out of love most of the time. Ultimately, the fic is about abuse aftermath and how different people deal with it. As mistaken as Auguste was, I think it's fair to say he loved Laurent very much. And Laurent loved him too. They both lived their lives with only each other in consideration, but Damianos' presence in their lives shifted that dynamic slightly. It wasn't just the two of them against the world (and each other lol) anymore.

I apologize for this deliriously long reply to your questions. It's been a while since I've had the chance to talk about this fic, and I would hate to think you were left wondering things. If anything I've said was unclear, feel free to message me again.

Also, please keep in mind these are my personal interpretations and headcanons. They don't have to be yours. These were my thoughts as I wrote the story, but they aren't more important than any reader's opinions. 

Thank you for giving me the chance to talk more about this fic, and for being awesome and reaching out!

[blisspads]

How does Pornography affect us- Is Porn Harmful?

Whether you deny it or not, Pornography belongs to the world from the beginning of mankind. There are many paintings and sculptures which depict the existence of pornography in ancient Indian culture. People across the world speak different languages, eat different foods, follow different cultures, but when it comes to porn, people from all the countries watch it, Period!

Despite being seen by millions of people, porn is considered a malignant threat to society’s well-being. To reduce the number of sexual crimes that are rapidly increasing, in 2018, the Indian government posed its second ban on pornography sites especially those that involve children in the sexual act.

But, why do people resort to porn in the first place?

A lot of modern couples choose to watch sexually explicit videos to spice up their boring sex encounters and master new ways to pleasure their partner.

Because people are unwilling to engage in sexually related conversations, young adults search for their answers in pornography.

Due to the fear of being judged, many take refuge in porn instead of coming out explicitly about their sexual preferences.

With pornography, one no longer needs a partner to make them feel good. People watch porn to provide sexual relief through self-love.

People see porn to discover different ways of making love, but have you ever wondered whether the content shown in pornography is a fact or fantasy. When people try to apply this porn fantasy to real life, they hit a bump instead of pleasure.

Watching porn changes the way of our usual thinking and will eventually become a habitual practice that leads to trouble in facing the reality, boredom, desensitization, objectification of women, and an increase in sex crimes.

Sexual Violence

In 2018, four schoolboys’ gang-raped a 16-year-old girl after luring her to a storeroom in the name of Independence Day preparations for their school. When investigated, one of the boys exposed that the idea of rape came to him after watching similar porn on his mobile phone. This triggered the High Court to suggest curbs on pornographic sites to avoid bad influence on the minds of children, followed by the porn ban implemented by the Indian government.

Not all the people watching porn are involved in sex crimes, but we also cannot deny the fact porn can be a catalyst for the violent sexual behaviours that are rising in the current scenarios.

Sexual Satisfaction

Reports say that couples watching porn together are more dedicated and sexually satisfied in their relationship, compared to those who watch it alone. If your partner is not open to the idea of fantasy sex, then compelling them to do so would trigger their insecurities as they might think that you fall more to the perfect porn star’s body. This would cause a drift in your lovely relationship and to always feel less satisfied in the act of love.

Addiction

Among all the negative effects of watching porn, sex addiction stands at the top of the list. Some people get too stuck in that made-up world leading to an obsession with sexual thoughts, urges, or behaviours that cause troubles or distress, negatively affecting their job, relationships, and other aspects of life. People who are addicts seek to watch sexually explicit videos because they want it, rather than because they enjoy it. Porn acts as a component in sex addiction, but whether porn itself causes addiction is not yet proven.

Attitude Towards Women

In most porn videos women are portrayed as some sex objects which fuel sexist attitudes and set unrealistic sexual expectations. Increased porn consumption can lead to negative attitudes toward women including stereotypes, hostility, and abuses.

How does COVID-19 Influence Pornography Use?

Despite the ban on pornography by the Indian government, the Covid-19 curfew saw the highest spike in porn watching. India is the third biggest porn watching nation after the US and UK. Reports state that of the total traffic porn sites from India, 30 percent of them were women.

The quarantine posed previously unseen levels of financial challenges, separation from loved ones. Whether it was because of the lack of physical company or just the need to blow off some steam, many people accessed the porn sites. People sought sexually explicit videos to reduce the stress of loneliness and to deal with the anxiety and depression caused by COVID-19.

Also, researchers say that they found no evidence that porn led to any problematic deeds, such as addictive, compulsive, risky, or unhealthy behaviours in this pandemic period.

Message from Bliss Natural

The likelihood of porn having a negative effect on life very much depends on the individual consuming it. If you find no control over your porn use, or your sexual expectations become unrealistic, seek help from a qualified sex therapist to manage the porn consumption in your life, before it starts affecting your work or relationships.

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: Snowflake by Louise Nealon

I am a huge Sally Rooney fan and I’m pretty sure that comparisons to Normal People is what triggered me to request this exciting new debut. Add the title to that and I knew it had the potential to be a novel that would speak to my entire generation. 

Debbie has been raised on her family’s dairy farm just outside of Dublin but the city life is a million miles from what she knows. Now that she is 18, she commutes to Trinity College a few days a week and is slowly starting to experience city life. Her family consists of her mother Maeve, a woman with erratic moods and an obsession with dreams and her uncle Billy, who lives in a caravan behind their house, drinking too much and ruminating on Greek mythology. Then a tragic accident turns the family on its head and Debbie is forced to face the fact that her life path may not be entirely hers to choose.

The White family farm is described so vividly and I had no problems finding myself wandering around the plot with Debbie. It’s set within a small Irish community and I really felt that I got an authentic experience of that. The village is full of eccentric characters, plenty of gossip and local spirit. Debbie is a true product of the community and it was clearly reflected in her reserved personality and fierce loyalty to her family.

There are moments of humour in there too and this usually appears during conversations between Debbie and her college friend Xanthe or in exchanges with her uncle Billy. Billy is a great character and he provides a large chunk of the comic relief in the book, which is much needed when things take a bleak turn. 

Of course, Debbie is at a vital developmental stage and with that comes a whole new world that she never even imagined within her sheltered life on the farm. Suddenly, she is discovering her own body and what it means to other people, sex and romantic relationships and friendships with people her own age. Neilon captures the anxieties and confusions of becoming an adult so well and it gave so much authenticity to Debbie’s character.

As with many coming-of-age stories, mental health is a big theme of the book. Debbie’s first experience of therapy reminded me of my own. It’s so hard to accurately describe and score how you’re feeling and there is a strong fear of being judged or misunderstood by what you write. I think anyone who has ever sought out help for anxiety or depression will be able to fully relate to this.

Debbie’s mother Maeve is eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder and although she doesn’t seem to have been able to be a great mother to Debbie, there is obviously a huge amount of love between mother and daughter. There appears to be a genetic talent in the family that involves being able to experience other people’s dreams and it includes having premonitions. Following a pivotal point in the narrative that hits her particularly hard, Maeve retreats into herself. She obsessively writes down what her mind shows her and so she takes on a kind of madwoman in the attic role in the novel, stuck inside her own head. Despite her seemingly meaningless diatribes, Maeve actually touches on a lot of wisdom and I found her to be a truly fascinating character.

Of course, no contemporary novel about a young female is believable without at least one scene of extremely uncomfortable and unwanted male attention. Debbie learns very quickly that now that she is an adult, men have suddenly noticed that she exists. The idea that the female body is an available commodity is incredibly nauseous but it is inescapable to write about women’s experiences without touching on it. Even in the tiny, close-knit community that she has grown up in, Debbie is still a target for objectification. 

There is another strong, recurring theme of stories, their nature and their power. Billy in particular is constantly looking for new stories and he uses Greek myths to make sense of the world and teach Debbie about it. The idea that even stories that come from the same origins can be wildly different is a great comfort to those of us who are afraid of repeating the mistakes in our history. We can and will write our own versions of life and when we’re gone, they will live on never belonging to anyone.

Snowflake is a touching, honest portrait of a young girl who is just trying to do her best with the cards that she has been dealt. It’s about depression, dreams and stories and learning to thrive in a world that constantly challenges what you thought you knew. I really feel like these characters have the ability to stay with me for a while and because of that, I have a lot of faith that Snowflake might just be on the brink of huge success.

Snowflake by Louise Nealon is available in eBook and audiobook format now and will be published in hardback by Manilla Press, an imprint of Bonnier Books, on 13th May 2021.