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the-seas-song · 4 years ago

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Richard Armitage and Astrology

Hi! I find astrology fascinating, and am an armchair expert on it myself, so I found Richard's comments in his recent Total Film Magazine interview very interesting. This is what he said:

I’ve been incredibly lucky. I’ve dabbled with having my celestial chart looked at every couple of years, just for a little tune-up. Every time, the guy sighs, and goes, “What can I say? You’ve just got a sprinkle of luck.” And I say, “That’s good, because I don’t have the talent, so I really need the luck!”

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There is a naughty, dark side to me. I am quite strongly affected by the moon. So if there’s a full moon I’ll go a bit crazy. (source)

This isn't the first time Richard's mentioned astrology – he's mentioned being a Leo, reading his daily horoscope, and finding out he was born in the Chinese Year of the Pig; but these were all informal twitter comments. He has also mentioned the effect the moon has on him before, in February 2020:

“Everyone has cycles of positive mental and emotional feelings and negative mental and emotional feelings and I know that I am profoundly affected on a monthly cycle. I always look at the calendar when I'm feeling particularly low and check the lunar cycle to see if it's a full or new moon.” (source)

However, what prompted me to write this is that Richard's personal put-downs were even more direct here than usual; and the connection that has to his natal, or birth, chart.

A little disclaimer: Personally, I think general horoscopes (like the ones you find in magazines) do far more harm than good. They are based solely on the twelve sun signs, and your sun sign is just one puzzle piece out of 25+ pieces that make up your natal chart. This is why many people don't relate to their horoscope or it's personality description.

Your natal chart, however, is a whole different animal. It's an intricate puzzle created by the exact date, time, and location you were born; which is why most people find their natal charts to be scarily accurate.

Back during the Hobbit days, a fan blog reported that Richard told a NZ fan that his birth time was just after 4 a.m. I used 4:05 for this post, and being off by a few minutes doesn't really make a difference.

Richard and self-esteem

I really feel for and relate to Richard's self-esteem struggles, because our charts mirror each other. We are both Leo suns; but I have my moon in Aries with my MC and Chiron conjunct each other in Virgo and sextile my North Node; while Richard has his moon in Virgo with his MC and Chiron conjunct each other in Aries and sextile his North Node.

What on earth does that mean?

Each planet represents a different part of you. The sun represents your ego/conscious self; the moon your emotions, mercury your mind/intellect, venus love and beauty/aesthetics, mars passion and drive, etc.

On top of the twelve planets, there are specific points and asteroids that are also important. Your MC, or Midheaven, represents your career and public persona. Your North Node describes your inner journey and life purpose. The asteroid Chiron describes your major soul wound, that you will be forced to deal with throughout your life.

A conjunction and a sextile are two of several different kinds of aspects. The different kinds of aspects are the different ways your respective puzzle pieces can interact with each other. Some are 'easy/positive' and some 'difficult/negative'. A sextile is considered easy/positive. A conjunction means two things are next to each other and overlap with one another, and is usually considered positive.

Leo and Aries are both fire signs. Fire signs are generally playful, warm, passionate, confident, and optimistic. Virgo is an earth sign. Earth signs are generally practical, grounded, sensual, and logical.

Richard's personality is dominated by an almost equal amount of Leo and Virgo influence, with both his sun (core self) and venus (love and beauty) in Leo and his moon (emotions) and mercury (mind) in Virgo.

Aries and Virgo are said to be the most difficult Chiron signs, because they are the wounds tied directly to your self-worth (Aries is the wound of Self and Virgo is the wound of Perfection). With Aries Chiron you feel a core sense of worthlessness, like you're missing a fundamental piece of your core self. This deeply felt lack of self-worth leads people to be people pleasers and have issues with confrontation and conflict.

Aries rules the planet mars. It is the warrior planet of passion, drive, and combat. A conventional Aries is confident, outgoing, impulsive, and strong willed. Aries and mars are definitely the rowdiest sign and planet in the zodiac. However, with Chiron here the traits are inverted, and so someone like Richard is much more likely to be scared of his inner passion, confidence, and willpower – depending, of course, on what the rest of his chart is like.

That leads us to Virgo. Chiron Virgo feels impure, like there is something fundamentally wrong with them. This kind of low self-esteem makes you feel like you have to constantly try to 'fix' yourself so people will love and accept you. It's an OCD type of perfectionism that only ends in failure and heartbreak.

A good example of how this works is when I talked to my therapist recently. I hadn't quite succeeded in meeting my goals, and so my automatic response was to condemn myself for failing. My therapists immediate response was to congratulate me on how much progress I had made.

Ironically, unlike with Aries, this isn't an inversion of the conventional Virgo. Conventional Virgo is meticulous, detail-oriented, focused, patient, efficient, practical, perfectionistic, systematic, and pessimistic with high expectations. If Aries is the official warrior of the zodiac, Virgo is the official nit-picker.

This means that Richard's subconscious intellectually (mercury) and emotionally (moon) expects and demands perfection, whilst simultaneously feeling fundamentally worthless. In short: ouch.

Interestingly, a significant number of celebrities have their Chiron conjunct their MC. Personally, I think Richard hit the nail on the head as to why in his essay on the Human Condition for Cybersmile:

The answer in my humble opinion, (and believe me it is humble, to a point of taking 43 years to be shared) is actually something which applies to my work as an actor. It’s why sometimes actors are called in to work with therapists, in large corporations, in schools. It’s why drama therapy is fantastic to understand what we do, how we do it and what the outcome might be, and in an improvisation where we aren’t playing ourselves sometimes we explore avenues that are too frightening or unacceptable in our own lives.

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So going back to my very first point, the “social media society” in which we’d all like to feel safe, supported, excited, creative, spontaneous, innovative, courageous, is really in our own hands. And back to acting, it’s taken me a long time to shake off the effects of bullying in school. That people were always laughing behind my back. I was always looking out of the corner of my eye. I now have incredible peripheral vision which is so useful, (as is Kinesthetic sense…Google it) but try being a brave, experimental, uninhibited actor with all of those hang ups. Wasn’t happening.

So here is the thing, and it’s key to my work and I think ours as a community. When we speak or write, we ultimately desire to ‘affect’. If we aren’t watching the destination of that affect, then how do we know our words have landed and the ‘effect’ they have caused?

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If I have a strong opinion about something which I want to express I really task myself with backing it up with the ‘why do I feel that?’

Again it’s part of my work building a believable character, and actually part of building a believable ‘me’ outside of my work. Just.. “because that’s what I feel” is a bit of a cop out.

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As for Bullying, it’s like the moment the pot boils over, or it’s the poisoned stream that can’t be cleansed, so why bother. Well I think that’s what art is for. It’s can support the best and the worst of ourselves. We can ‘attack’ a canvas with black angry paint, we can ‘savage’ a piano keyboard, we can dance until we drop, we can read about a Puritan society who executed elders, we can explore the psychology of a serial killer, and when we can’t do this ourselves we can experience it, and witness it through others.

It’s more than being nice. Edward Munch’s “The Scream” is far from nice. Francisco Goya’s “Saturn” is horrific, Metallica, Die Antwoort etc etc. But then there is Monet, Faure, Renée Fleming, Peter Jackson, Ariana Grande (ok it’s getting a bit eclectic I admit) but when we look, listen and empathize, we tune in to the Human Condition.

We are all part of The Human Condition, whether we like it or not. Social Media. Expression. The Human Condition.

Us human beings are wired for emotion and connection. For actors, their career gives them a way to safely process and explore their personal wounds through the characters they play. For Richard in particular, his mars is conjunct his North Node. So, his mars and North Node are sextile his Chiron and MC.

Remember, Aries (the sign of Richard's Chiron and MC) is ruled by mars. Mars is the warrior planet, like Aries is the warrior sign. This means that Richard's spiritual journey/life's purpose (North Node) deals directly with healing his soul wound so he can accept and embrace his inner confidence and willpower. This explains why he ends up playing a lot of ultra-masculine characters – mars/Aries are the most macho of them all.

This isn't to say I think Richard should change who he is! I wouldn't be interested in him if he was ultra-masculine or macho. However, for his own sake, I would be overjoyed to see him gain more self-esteem and inner confidence.

Extrapolating from my own personal experiences, the constant criticism and judgement I received during my adolescence from my peers and various authority figures (like family members and teachers) for being unconventional and 'over the top' caused me to turn on myself and repress my passion and will-power for several years. I think it's highly likely that Richard experienced this too.

Here are some quotes from Richard that illustrate everything I've been talking about (emphasis is mine):

Armitage is still notably handsome, but, within minutes of meeting him, it’s apparent how incongruous it is that this bookish, sensitive, self-described ‘melancholic, philosophically-minded softie’ and ardent fan of The Great British Bake Off was cast as beefcake killer totty for a considerable part of his career. ‘It’s ridiculous. It’s the complete opposite to who I am. I’m such a pacifist,’ he laughs. ‘But then, part of me always felt: “Well, isn’t that why we’re actors?”

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'I think the turning point was losing my mum,” he says. “Up until that point, I felt like I mustn’t put a foot wrong, that if I said the wrong thing or revealed too much about my personal life, it could all come crashing down, and it would come down on my parents, and they wouldn’t be proud of me anymore.” He shrugs. “Now that I’m past that I’m actually much more carefree about the choices I make.” (source)

Richard Armitage puts his head in his hands and emits a noise that's somewhere between a sigh, a laugh and a groan. “Oh no! Why would you want to pin this up?” he says with a horrified whisper.

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Never has a man seemed more ill at ease with the heartthrob label. He squirms with embarrassment in his chair every time the subject comes up. He is grateful for the loyalty of his fans, he says, but worries that “there is this thing of, 'Is he just totty?' Because the industry will sometimes write you off as a serious actor if they think that. I have always been conscious of that and fought against it, because I don't really see myself like that at all.”

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This brings us back to Astrov, who looks so relentless towards the future that he can't see the truth in front of his eyes. “It's interesting that he's an outsider in the play. I've often felt like that myself in life. I'm quite a solitary person. I enjoy my time with me, and sometimes it's not necessarily healthy, because I can talk myself into quite a dark place.

I'm an optimist, but at the same time, there's a discipline in me that will attack me for not working hard enough, not achieving enough, not being good enough. You always think, 'I'll grow out of that. With success, those voices will disappear.' But they don't, they get louder. I suppose I'm learning a bit about myself through Astrov.” (source)

The answer in my humble opinion, (and believe me it is humble, to a point of taking 43 years to be shared) is actually something which applies to my work as an actor. … And back to acting, it’s taken me a long time to shake off the effects of bullying in school. That people were always laughing behind my back. I was always looking out of the corner of my eye. I now have incredible peripheral vision which is so useful, (as is Kinesthetic sense…Google it) but try being a brave, experimental, uninhibited actor with all of those hang ups. Wasn’t happening. (Human Condition essay)

So I kind of travelled on that line for a while, and I was bullied for it as well. The problem with me is that as soon as you try to push me down or say “you can’t do this” and “I don’t think you should do that”, I immediately push back. So I did – I’d decided really young that I was going to try to make a career out of it.

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Actually, there was something I wanted to add to what Shaun said, about inclusivity, is that um, no matter how – how much confidence you have or how, in my case, lack. Y’know, I always felt like a misfit, or an oddball, or that I didn’t belong. But I always – I always told myself that ‘you exist in the world, so therefore there’s a place for you in this industry’. I think anybody who feels like, “I can’t become an actor because…” – you exist. And, y’know, the job of filmmakers is to write about our life and society, and if you are a part of that, then there’s a place for you in the industry. (source)

I'm a bit of a brooder. I don't like confrontation, so I think I suppress things. When my temper does come out, it goes all the way – the kind of temper you can't apologize for. Yep, the chair getting thrown out of the window. Those emotions are scary, but hey, they come in useful when you're acting. (source)

Armitage is a noticeably calm presence but he talks with passion.

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In the past, he has described himself as a shy person. “Not any more,” he says forcefully. “I mean… if I’m very, very honest, I’m a big guy, I think I’m at times quite a frightening person.”

In what way?

“I think I’m quite uncompromising. I can’t bear bulls---. And in a way the shyness is me protecting other people from that. I can feel that there’s an intimidation that can happen if I own my full height, and speak at my full volume. So I’ve learned over the years to just tone it all down a bit.” (source)

I've become one of those actors who find it difficult to say no when things are offered. I think if I had come out of drama school and been an instant Hollywood superstar I would be taking long, leisurely holidays. But I always feel somehow it's going to be taken away from me so I work when I can. When you struggled with work as I did when I left drama school you make hay when the sun shines. There was a time when I thought, and my agent thought, it wasn't going to happen for me. We both sat down and I actually said I don't know if I can stay in this state. The interesting roles have only come since I got into my 30s. But I didn't know that was going to happen. I'm a bit of an all or nothing kind of guy. To be honest, I had no blind faith in myself. I don't think I could have stayed around as a jobbing actor. I would probably have quit. Who knows? I think I would have found that too frustrating. But at the moment when I thought I was going to quit, something happened and it all changed again. (source)

[talking about being cast in the Hobbit]

There was a little bit of guidance as to what they were looking for. I felt that I was too young for the character, too tall for that character, so I thought, you know, ‘I’ll just look at the scene they’ve written’. And then I realised the essence of the character that they were aiming for. So I went to meet Peter and Phillipa and we read some of the scenes. I think we spent an hour-and-a-half talking about the character and what their vision was, and I sort of explained who I thought he was, and that was it.

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Yeah, my first instinct, whenever that kind of thing happens, is to say, 'Well what's wrong with the part? Why did nobody else want it'? Which is kind of the story of my life really. When I get offered something, I'm like, 'Well there must be something wrong with it if they're offering it to me!'

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But you know, the thing is, you talk about all of this: ‘How did you get the role? And how did it feel when you got the role?’ And once all that’s died down you start to think, ‘I’ve actually got to go and play this now’. They’ve trusted me. Everyone’s happy, everyone’s celebrated, the phones have gone down and the deal’s been done. Now it’s over to me to make the role work. And that’s the scariest moment, because you do have that elation and then the work begins and you think, ‘How the hell am I going to do this?’ (source)

How was it for you taking on this beloved role, this character that has such a huge responsibilty on his back? Could you relate in some ways?

Richard Armitage: Yeah. There is always building within him this paranoia that he’s not a good enough leader, and that weighs him down. I have experienced that same feeling as an actor in this role. And I was aware of taking on the responsibility of that character, so there was something I could latch onto there, as one of the people who loved ‘The Hobbit’ book and had envisioned that character. It took me a while to be convinced that I could do it, it wasn’t until I saw some sketches, this one particular pencil sketch….there was something about this characters eyes and the way that his hands are crossed, I thought, “I think I can do this, I can pull this off.” (source)

Q: I wanted to ask you about what your Arkenstone is. For you personally.

A: Me personally?

Q: And I meant for this to be materialistic. What's the thing that you covet so much that it makes you mad that you don't have it?

A: Well, it's actually not material. It's not material, and it's – (laughs) You want a comedy answer, don't you? But it's respect. It's the thing that always eludes you, you know. You have to fight for it and when you get it, your arkenstone, the thing that crowns you, is respect.

Q: And also a sweater.

A: And a sweater. I do have this little natty number.

Q: It's a good one man.

A: Tom Ford made this personally. But hey, he can have it back. I don't covet wealth and material. (source)

Q6: You’ve done a variety of different roles, I wonder what influences you to pursue those roles?

R: More often than not, you go where you’re wanted. So getting hired is still kind of a revelation to me, a shock and a surprise. Sometimes you have very flat periods, where I don’t really care what comes next, I just want to work on something. I feel like I’ve got a little cloud of luck over my head so the right thing always seems to come along. But again, I’m easily excited about literature and stories, so I’ve always said I don’t really pursue glory, I’d happily do acting for two people in my living room if it was a role that I really enjoyed with a story I’d really like to tell. So it’s chance, I would say.

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Q8: Once in an interview about Thorin, you were asked what your arkenstone was and your answer was respect. I like this answer a lot. So I was wondering what’s your red dragon? As you said yesterday he’s a character who sheds his skin, improves, and becomes something. I was wondering if there was something you’d like to improve, become?

R: I guess the antithesis of that is disrespect. Do you mean in myself?

Q8: Yes.

R: Yeah I try not to be too disrespectful. I guess I value the truth. I think we’re living at a time at the moment where the truth is warped and there’s a word that’s been in my head for a long time, and particularly recently it’s come to the surface. When I was studying Macbeth, at the RSC, I read a long thesis about the gunpowder plot, which was one of the things they thought that Shakespeare (or whoever Shakespeare was) was stimulated by to write Macbeth. And the word equivocation was used in this thesis, it was actually about equivocation and what equivocation is. And if you look it up in the dictionary, at the moment most politicians are equivocating. When you don’t answer a question, or you bend the truth to make it seem like you are answering the question, and in fact you’re telling a lie. So I would say my red dragon would be equivocation.

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Then there was the physical form that I was studying and observing, but also, I do sometimes enjoy locking myself away in a room and reading a book or just doing something alone, and you sometimes can go a couple of days without speaking to anybody. I don’t know whether anyone else experiences this or whether I’m just a weirdo. But I find that when that happens my voice changes, and I always forget how to make a noise, I have to do a warm-up before I go into the world and start speaking again.

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Q15: I was wondering if you ever had to pull out of a project because it felt wrong or something, and what is the point where you say “nope I can’t do this”?

R: Um, no. But that’s partly to do with the fact that I have a lot of loyalty, probably too much loyalty for my own good, really, and there’ve been moment when I’ve been on board a project, and actually it happened this year with The Lodge, I was already on board that project and something else came along which was bigger and better and brighter and more money, and your agent says “look we can pull you out of The Lodge, they can probably recast it,” and here I think “I’ve already started this process, I don’t want to let people down,” and I don’t have a problem with that at all, I never have any regrets over the things that you miss or the things that you decide not to do, I think there’s a strong enough reason why you’ve decided not to do it, but in general no I haven’t ever pulled out of something. There was one television show I remember, I’m not going to say what it is, but after the first readthrough, I did call my agent and asked, “can I get out of this?” And then he quickly got back to me and said, “don’t do it. Don’t build a reputation built on disloyalty.” So I try not to.

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Q18: I think you are very handsome, but your character Francis hated the way he looked, how did that make you feel?

R: Francis hated the way he looked? Yeah. I guess there is something we relate to in that. Without getting too personal, I don’t always enjoy looking at myself in the mirror. I don’t do it very often, to be honest. I do it just to be sure I don’t have food on my face. I do it in character, actually. I do spend a bit of time studying my own face when I’m playing a character, which is interesting because your face does change. (source)

He cannot see the handsomeness: “I think I am odd-looking. I have big lines on my forehead.” I squint, looking for them, but he is talking over me, sounding slightly panicked. “I shouldn’t draw attention to it, because then everyone else will see the oddness.”

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Laziness is what makes him angry: “Laziness in myself. Laziness in other people. And dishonesty. All things I feel capable of myself. I have a propensity to be lazy and lie about it. Fear makes me rageful. There are words in The Crucible I actually find it quite hard to say.” I beg for an example — The Crucible is in the public domain. “No,” he says, “you’ll see it in the play.” I tell him it will make no sense in print if he will not tell me. But he won’t. So I change the subject. It works. “OK, I will give you a line.” He inflates a little and says: “Is there no good penitence but it be public?” And then: “Were I stone I would have cracked for shame this seven month.” (source)

Q: How would you describe your evolution as an actor since you started?

A: I think everything has to do with the fact that today I’m not afraid anymore. At first, I was embarrassed to do something wrong or do things badly or make myself ridiculous. Today, I am almost looking for opportunities to be ridiculous or vulnerable or to make as much of a mistake as possible. In a sense, it’s now the opposite of being undercover.

Q: Are you the actor you dreamed of being when you started?

A: Not yet. I am not yet fearless enough. It’s in waves, actually. But I have already approached this dream. There were moments, especially during Arthur Miller’s The Crucible, which I performed on stage, where I felt I had no control over things. That’s what I’m looking for: to lose control.

Q: You often play bad guys. What do you like in these characters?

A: I like disobedience. I like the fact that you can be disobedient thanks to your creativity. As a person, I must always be polite in life, be careful and correct so as not to hurt anyone. In a fantasy world, I can be as offensive as I want. It’s an outlet. (Laughter)

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Q: Many actors are moving to directing. Is this also your goal?

A: I would like to, but I do not think I’m smart enough. I am good when it comes to working with another’s vision. I do not think I have that creative spontaneity that creates a vision from scratch. But the future will tell. (source)

I applaud Richard for being so open and direct about his fears and insecurities. It takes a lot of bravery to do so. And while I've seen some fans get annoyed with his continual self-deprecation, I think his honesty and openness is much more significant, and shows his inner strength. He doesn't try to pretend to be someone he's not.

He recently described himself as “patient, obsessive, and silly” (source). The patient part is classic Virgo, and the obsessive part comes from an element of his natal chart that I have not mentioned.

The silly part, however, is classic Leo. Like I said above, he has an almost equal amount of Leo and Virgo in his personality. Personally, I'm proud to be a Leo, but I also know we get misunderstood a lot of the time. I wrote the following for an essay of mine on Leos in Disney:

Your sun sign represents your core identity. Just like the physical sun is the center of the solar system and its energy creates life, the astrological sun is our consciousness and life force. Each of the twelve sun signs are ruled by a different planet and element.

Since Leo is the fixed fire sign, we don't inherit the reckless and impulsive nature of fire, but instead are a steady flame. No sign is more reckless and impulsive than Aries, because they have the double combination of being a cardinal sign and a fire sign. Meanwhile, all four of the fixed signs struggle with stubbornness and admitting when their wrong.

Leo's are well known to be natural leaders and the rulers of the zodiac. We are ruled by the sun and our animal is the lion. We dream big and are born with big personalities, and we can't help but be theatrical and dramatic. This means we are always self-centered in the sense of being strong-willed and having a strong sense of self. It does not mean all Leos are egotistical.

Unhealthy Leo traits all revolve around the ego: attention-seeking, egotistical, selfish, bossy, controlling, pushy, jealous, possessive, lazy, vain, arrogant, aggressive, and obstinate.

Healthy Leos, however, are known for our fire-based traits – being animated, theatrical, happy, outgoing, independent, competitive, charismatic, creative, open-minded, open-hearted, confident, assertive, playful, warm, social, courageous, idealistic, affectionate, romantic, optimistic, and adventurous.

What isn't often talked about is our steadiness, our fixed-based traits. Leos are authentic, steadfast, fiercely loyal and protective, consistent, persistent, full-hearted, dedicated, need to do their best, generous and selfless, honorable and moral, genuine and direct, extremely supportive, hard-working and responsible, dignified, strong-willed, and ambitious and determined.

Something that is often mentioned but highly misunderstood is our trait of courage. Having courage doesn't mean you're fearless or reckless. The definition of courage is “the power or quality of dealing with or facing danger, fear, pain, etc.” It means that instead of running away from our problems or denying our emotions; healthy Leos face them and be genuine and direct with ourselves, embracing our vulnerability.

Having a big personality doesn't necessarily mean someone has a big ego. C.S. Lewis once said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less.” Leos have huge hearts and are incredibly generous. The sun never goes retrograde, always shines, and gives life and energy to all living beings – it isn't selective or discriminatory. Healthy Leos are like mini suns; which is why we are also irrepressibly upbeat, optimistic, and fun-loving.

We're not pushovers. We are like roses – we have both flower petals and thorns. If you mess with someone we love you're going down. We're too loyal and protective to let major things slide; and even if we forgive, we never forget. Little things? We'll try to work them out with you.

Being naturally strong-willed and assertive is healthy – it just means we usually make horrible subordinates and yes people. There's nothing wrong with having high standards and being open about them. In fact, in relationships it's far better in the long run to open and frank about what you need and what you consider a dealbreaker from the beginning.

And oh yes are we ambitious and competitive – but most often with ourselves. We're natural leaders who always dream and think big. For a healthy Leo it's not about being the best, but doing your best. We have to be grand and intense, we're ruled by the sun. It's all or nothing for us. Settling is not something a Leo does. We need to be the best leader, the best friend, the best partner, etc. that we possibly can.

Also, in astrology each sign rules a different body part, and Leo rules the heart and upper back.

Adding to this, Leos are known as the Kings/Queens of the zodiac not because we're egotistical, but because our sun sign is the sun. It's like a double amount sun. I could go into significantly more detail about this, but it involves a lot of technical astrological details; so if anyone wants to know more just message me!

Going back to Richard, having his core self (sun) and love/beauty (venus) in Leo explains why he is an actor and artist; and why he is often warm, silly, and dramatic when he feels comfortable – his long interview with The Anglophile Channel (and it's deleted scenes) does a great job of showing the synergy between his Leo and Virgo sides.

We see Richard express the heartfelt, generous, sincere, and honorable side of Leo all the time. This is why I'm sure he has the inner-confidence and strength hidden within him to overcome the deep pain his Chiron causes him (like it does to us all). I hope he continues to find projects and people that help him on his journey to heal.

Thank you for reading this, I'm wishing him and you all the best. Take care!

#Richard #Richard Armitage #Astrology #Mine

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beastars-takes · 5 years ago

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Zootopia Takes: The Power of Really Liking Each Other

Our main event, Beastars Takes, will resume soon, but in the meantime I want to talk about one of my favorite movie relationships:

Has this been talked about to death by other people? Yes. But this is my blog and I write it for free so I can do what I want.

Note: this is not a shipping post--this is just an examination of their canonical relationship in the movie and why it rules.

At first glance, this is your typical enemies-to-friends story. I love those. But while the typical arc tends to involve two characters who can’t stand each other, who eventually develop a grudging respect for one another (often through some kind of shared ordeal) and maybe thaw into actual friendliness at the end. Zootopia packs all of that into the first half--by the midway point they are clearly not just allies, but friends, and by the end of the film they’re inseparable.

It’s important to recognize this isn’t just for the hell of it, or just to be cute--the closeness and trust they build is the linchpin of their success in the final moments of the movie.

All the reasons why, after the jump.

Something I talked about in the previous post was the messaging of Zootopia, and I don’t want to rehash it too much here. It’s a movie about prejudice, and the work it takes to overcome it. A key theme (one that it shares with Beastars, incidentally) is that friendships with those who are different from you are hard--but they are worth it.

Part 1: They Hate Each Other! (Right?)

Now...it goes without saying that when these two first meet, they bounce off each other hard. Each is seeing the other at their absolute worst.

Judy can’t stand Nick because he takes every bit of optimism she has about this world and throws it back in her face. She want to use him as a prop in her vision of an equal society, where “not all foxes” are crooks. He laughs at her. He humiliates her. All he has to do is walk away, but he takes his time. He twists the knife.

For his part, Nick sees a laughably ineffectual bunny who condescends to him and threatens him with jail for the crime of...humiliating her. She may not personally be a threat to him, but she wields the institutional power of the ZPD--a power he has plenty of reason to be afraid of--and she does it irresponsibly.

On first viewing, Nick inarguably wins this exchange. He avoids arrest, reads her to absolute filth and leaves her stuck in cement.

And he makes her really sad. Nice!

But, and I don’t pretend to be the first person to have pointed this out, on second viewing it’s obvious he can guess her story so well because it’s basically his story. The only difference, in his mind, is that he’s accepted the reality that he’ll never be allowed to live the life he wants, while she is still vainly pursuing hers.

I don’t know about you, dear reader, but the people I’ve met who have always most pissed me off are the people who remind me of things I hate about myself. The people who seem to embody the flaws I’ve worked to minimize. Nick’s naive hope is what has brought him the most pain in his life. He sees this bunny full of the same naive hope, surmises that she’s facing the same failures he did and yet stubbornly refusing to learn from them. It’s irritating.

Pictured: irritation.

Maybe I am projecting, but if Nick is anything like me, he probably didn’t walk away entirely happy from this exchange. Yes, he “won,” but he was also reminded of everything about himself that he least wanted to think about.

Part 2: They Are Not Very Good at Hating Each Other

So, the thing about Judy is, she is naive. By default, she assumes people are her friend. But she’s not stupid.

Nick assumes she is stupid, not least because she hasn’t wisely given up on her dreams like he has, and...he learns that she maybe not so fun to pick on after all.

So they wind up doing the first part of this enemies-to-friends routine, allies of necessity.

So, naturally, because he is Him, he makes it his mission to torment her.

In fact, we get two whole scenes where all he does he does is watch her struggle and make this face.

The first read of this behavior is that he’s just enjoying the failures of someone he hates. He says as much later. But I would also argue--from a viewer’s perspective--Judy is ridiculously entertaining and charming throughout these encounters. She wears her heart on her sleeve, and it’s hard not to like people like that.

Is there more happening here than just schadenfreude? I won’t pretend to know for sure. But worth considering.

By the time they’re investigating the limousine, his sabotage has diminished into something more like gentle trolling. And you can’t see this face, in context...

...and tell me she isn’t starting to like him, at least a little bit.

He’s also starting to help! By the time they’re past the minor detour of almost being murdered by a mob boss, he’s entirely cooperative, helping her conduct interviews and look for clues. The movie doesn’t call particular attention to this, but it almost did.

Finally, let’s look at Nick’s behavior when they’re being chased by a rabid jaguar. He could have absolutely booked it, with no regard for the cop who was blackmailing him into helping her.

These moments go by so quickly, but they’re hugely revealing of his true character, even before he defends her in front of Chief Bogo.

He picks her up when she falls.

More importantly, when he gets to the skytram, his first instinct isn’t to jump in--it’s to hold the door for her:

He sees she can’t make it, and she even tells him to leave without her. He doesn’t. He holds the door until he can’t anymore, and as a result he’s nearly killed.

Nick is a good boy.

Part 3: They Are Friends Now

She save his life, so he saves her job. This is a key story beat, and it’s a Disney movie, so there’s not a lot of subtlety (except how the specular highlights in Judy’s eyes fade as Bogo asks for her badge--the light literally goes out of her. Go watch).

But it’s such a sweet moment of teamwork--he was contemptuous toward her from the start because she believed in herself. This is the first time she’s simply given up in the whole movie, and he steps up. Because he believes in her now.

And she believes in him! Or, she wants to.

Judy’s supportiveness here is sweet, but it’s also still a little selfish. It’s not that different from their interaction at the ice cream shop, really: she wants to meet a fox who defies stereotypes, who is easy for her to like. Someone who ticks all the boxes to prove her family wrong.

When he starts being more foxy, later--self-identifying as a predator, showing his claws, challenging her--we learn that her supportiveness is conditional.

Am I being too hard on her? Sure. She’s been in bunny country her whole life. She’s new to this and she’s trying. But that’s where she’s at.

But still! They’re friends now. They’re no longer pretending they don’t like each other. Judy’s openly encouraging, Nick is fully in her corner, and we get a few cute sequences where they keep being more and more impressed with each other.

He’s still not above affectionately messing with her, and she’s getting worse at pretending to dislike it.

And he trusts her enough to let her flush him down a toilet...

Which gives us this heartbreaking shot where he thinks she’s drowned. He cares a whole lot about this bunny.

She likes him too! Enough to want to team up on a more permanent basis. This is pretty standard-fare enemies-to-friends stuff now, but considering where we started, and considering they’ve known each other for all of two days? Not bad!

It’s clear this moment means far more to him than it does to her, too. It’s actually taken very little persuading from Judy to get him to step up and be brave and helpful and trustworthy. The fact that he’s turned around and opened up to her so fast suggests he’s been ready for an opportunity like this for his entire life, and never got it. I mean, look at his face.

The foundational flaw in her worldview is still there, though, and it’s about to do almost-irreparable damage to their whirlwind friendship.

Part 5: Fuck!

So Judy gives her press conference, and gives a great example of why police usually answer every question with “the matter is currently under investigation,” or “we’re not prepared to comment further at this time.” Honestly, though, this is on Bogo--I had coworkers who once did some press interviews, and they spent over a week doing media training. They didn’t even break a major kidnapping case. So, you know.

So she repeats some weird race science stuff she assumes is true because someone in a lab coat said it, which is amusingly similar to how race science (or “race realism”) often propagates--people with low-rent doctorates from crappy universities write a bunch of scientifically shoddy material and people say “well, he has a PhD!”

And then Nick has a PTSD flashback? I don’t want to be irresponsible and make an armchair diagnosis, but also...that is absolutely what is depicted on screen.

You’re not immediately “better” after something like this, which is why I cut Nick a bit of slack when he basically blows up their friendship.

Judy...doesn’t get it. It’s completely heartbreaking, because she likes him, and doesn’t understand why he’s mad, and isn’t self-reflective enough to stop and think maybe he has a point. Not until it’s too late. He tests her, and she fails.

Their friendship has always been a little inequal. He’s trusted her with everything, shown her his deepest vulnerabilities. She’s never trusted him completely.

So he leaves.

I don’t want to impugn her professionalism by suggesting she wouldn’t have quit the force if she hadn’t had that friendship-ending fight, but, you know. Maybe.

This is the second time she gives up, and this time he’s not there to pick her up again.

Judy is intensely goal-oriented, and I don’t think she realized what Nick’s friendship meant to her, as the first person in the city who truly believed in her, until it was too late. Judy is sweet and well-meaning but emotional intelligence is not really her strong suit (which is actually cool to see in a female Disney protagonist, imo).

So, while it would have been nice for her to track Nick down immediately and apologize, I think it makes sense for them to spend time apart. Her own self-perception has been shattered, and she needs time to figure out how she went so wrong.

So when she does come back, she delivers one of the best animated apologies I’ve ever seen. Only AtLA compares, in my mind.

Part 6: They Are Much Better Friends Now

Nick forgives her, because of course he does.

(Sidebar--people talk about how he kept her carrot pen the whole time they were apart. He also kept his handkerchief from Ranger Scouts, AND he only wears shirts that match the wallpaper in his mother’s house. He desperately needs a hug.)

Credit to Nick also, who can’t fight and has no police training whatsoever, who has multiple times been almost killed helping her out, now agreeing to help her out again. She’s not even threatening him with jail this time!

We, the viewers, are then rewarded with this great montage of them being best friends.

She’s finally stopped pretending not to be amused by his shenanigans.

(One other sidebar here--Nick is canonically a really gentle character. For all their adventuring, this is only time in the movie he gets physical with anyone: to protect the bunny. Again, he definitely can’t fight and immediately gets smacked across the room. But it’s the thought that counts, right?)

Per the post title, more visual evidence of them really liking each other.

Judy trips on a dead body, and here we get the second time in the movie that Judy tells Nick to leave without her, and he won’t--this time, he refuses explicitly.

Which then gives us the opportunity for the big moment--the culmination of all this care and intimacy and trust.

In order to con Bellwether, she lets him stalk her, and bite her throat. This has been often pointed out, but it’s important--throughout the movie, Judy’s wriggling rabbit nose has been used as a signifier of fear and suspicion. It wriggles when she’s spying on Nick at the beginning. It wriggles like hell when he confronts her after her press conference.

Not here. Doesn’t move. It’s a great, clearly intentional animation choice that tells a close observer (or more likely, a repeat viewer) that she’s completely unafraid.

She trusts him.

I could write a whole other post about how well-scripted this movie is, how every scene is doing half a dozen different things, but the way the personal and the professional come together here, the way the threads of prejudice and friendship and the police case all tie together in this moment. It’s good shit.

This is basically where things end, in terms of character development, but we get a bunch more shots of them clearly adoring each other:

So there it is.

To sum up, certainly not suggesting this movie invented “characters liking each other,” or anything like that. But it goes above and beyond in portraying a friendship that’s not just one born of circumstance, one that’s authentic and unmistakably loving. Characters who enjoy spending time with each other, regardless of what’s going on around them.

I hope everyone is able to experience friendships like that. I absolutely treasure the few I have.

Appendix: The Shipping Thing

I hope I’ve made all this ship-agnostic, which was my intention. I personally like the ship, and I think the reason it resonates with people is because that love and trust and closeness is clearly there, and a romantic relationship creates a lot more easy opportunities for dialing those things up even higher.

I would also argue, if pressed, that the amount of teasing and physicality that happens reads as pretty flirty. If they were humans I knew in real life, I’d definitely think there was something going on there. But I’m an American, where touching and emotional intimacy tends to be read as romantic. Also, animals are a lot more cuddly than humans. So who knows? I think it’s perfectly reasonable to read them as platonic friends until the end of time.

But, one way or another, they love each other a lot. Shout out to this, one of the most emotionally rewarding relationships I’ve ever seen in a cartoon.

#zootopia #zootropolis #zootopia takes #judy hopps #nick wilde #disney

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ggukcangetit · 5 years ago

Text

Dreamcatchers 5

Pairing: jungkook x oc

Summary: DI Jeon didn’t need a new partner. Unfortunately, his superiors felt otherwise; especially considering the extremely high-profile murder that had just taken place in the port city. Recent transfer, DI Choi Yuri finds herself confronted with a new cityscape, unfamiliar people, a hostile partner, and a homicide that is certain to bring back unpleasant memories.

Genre/AU: fluff/action/mystery | detective! au | police!jungkook, police!oc

Word Count: 3.7k

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: mentions of violence, alcohol, blood, drugs, death. basically stuff you’d associate with a murder mystery/crime drama.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | A/N: found a lovely group of people at bsh and their enthusiasm is infectious enough to get me to write a lot more than i had originally planned. reminding everyone that this story features a named oc because i’m still very unfamiliar with writing second person reader inserts. i’m not aiming for strict accuracy in this story, and all criminal investigation/forensics knowledge i have has been gathered by watching crime drama/procedural dramas! my knowledge of geography is also not totally accurate so apologies for that. once again, one thing right by @hobios prompted me to write a police inspector! jungkook story. would highly recommend reading that because it’s probably one of my most favorite pieces of writing! additional note: the timeline at the end of the post is what i imagine yuri and jeongguk were constructing on the station’s white board in the last scene.

20th December

Seokjin was inside his bakery, getting ready to open in a little bit, when frantic knocking interrupted him. Checking his watch, he saw that it was 6.52 am, which meant that he had 8 minutes until opening. While people in this town were known to wake up at the crack of dawn, he had never had anyone knocking at his door before opening time. A second set of knocks - much louder this time - made him rush over to the front door.

"They've arrested Jimin on suspicion of murder."

Taehyung stood there looking more lost than he had ever seen him. Even more than when he had found Seokjin months after the latter had left home. Even more than when he had been given the responsibility of taking over the company. Taehyung, who struggled to wake up in time for 10 am meetings, was wide awake before the clock struck 7 and looked like he hadn't slept a wink the previous night.

"Did you run all the way here?" Seokjin asked. Taehyung's hair looked windswept and beads of perspiration lined his forehead despite it being the middle of winter.

"Why've they arrested him? He would never do something like that!"

"Come inside first. You'll catch a cold if you stay outside like this."

Once inside, Taehyung didn't look any less perturbed - his expressive eyes glistening with many different emotions. Seokjin brought out a cup of hot chocolate and a red bean bun, sitting down opposite his younger brother.

"Now, tell me what's going on."

"Jimin was arrested last night on suspicion of murder."

"Murder? You mean Eunwoo? They think Jimin had something to do with Eunwoo's death?"

Taehyung nodded his head, the initial rush of adrenaline having worn off, leaving him looking significantly more worn out.

"Do you know why? How did you even find out? Did Jimin tell you?"

"No. Ahreum did." Taehyung rubbed his face with his hands, trying to rid himself of the terrifying thoughts rushing through his mind. "She was there when Yuri - that's her friend who's also Jeongguk's new partner - made the call. There must be some mistake!"

Seokjin bit his lip worriedly. While Jimin had been Taehyung's best friend since they were little, there was no doubt that the former led a very wild life involving many questionable escapades. He didn't know much about Yuri, but there was no doubt in his mind that Jeongguk was a very competent detective who knew what he was doing.

"I don't know what I should do." Taehyung's voice, jolted him out of his thoughts. "I should go down to the station, shouldn't I? Jimin probably needs someone there with him. What about getting a lawyer? Should we ask Namjoon? I-"

"Slow down, Taehyung," Seokjin said, patting his brother's shoulder reassuringly. "I'm sure Jimin's gotten a lawyer himself. His family has a lot of resources. But if you want, you can drop by the station in case he needs something."

"Y-yeah, I should do that. I'll go right now. I- Shit!" Taehyung patted his coat pockets frantically. "I can't find my car keys!"

"You didn't drive here," reminded Seokjin, gently. "Do you want me to drive you there?"

The bell hanging above the front door jingled softly at that moment, signalling Seokjin's first customer of the day.

"No, you shouldn’t leave your bakery. It would be bad for business." Taehyung shook his head, the helpless look in his eyes not leaving him despite his conviction to leave his brother out of this.

"Why don't you ask Ahreum if she can give you a lift? Isn't she usually up by this time?"

"You're right! I'll do that!"

Seokjin busied himself with the customer who had just come in, his eyes wandering towards his brother ever so often. Ahreum picked him up 15 minutes later, but Seokjin couldn't shake off the worried feeling he had gotten after seeing Taehyung so frantic and helpless.

...

Yuri had reached the station at 6 that morning. She hadn't slept last night, going through every inch of evidence and every statement they had taken related to Kang Eunwoo's murder. Her stomach had dropped when she had read the email from Seulgi last night. It wasn't that she was convinced that Jimin was a saint who had nothing to do with this, but the fact that he had finally decided to give a blood sample suggested either that he was innocent, or that he was guilty but somehow knew that he would be able to escape the charges. Both options did not bode well with her.

Jeon arrived around half past 6, the bags under his eyes suggesting that he had also had a sleepless night. He didn't say anything, just heading straight for his desk and pouring over a set of files like he had a final exam he was cramming for.

Chief Inspector Goh had spoken to both of them on a conference call last night once news of Jimin's arrest had been confirmed.

"Are we completely sure about this?" His voice hoarse, indicating that the call had disturbed his slumber.

"Yes, sir," Yuri replied, not waiting for her partner to chip in. She was the one who had received the email from Seulgi, she had been the one to convince Jimin for a blood sample - this was her line of inquiry. Which made her all the more nervous.

"I'm sure I don't need to remind either of you that the Parks are difficult customers. Young Mr. Park does not have a criminal record despite his many infractions over the years."

"We are aware, sir." Jeon answered this time, being more familiar with the social landscape than Yuri. "Everything will be carried out according to proper procedure."

"Good. Be prepared to deal with lawyers as well. I have a suspicion that that bastard Song will be representing the Park boy tomorrow. Jeongguk, I'm sure you're aware of his reputation and the kinds of clients he usually represents."

Yuri did not know about this particular lawyer, but made a note to look up his previous cases to get an understanding of what they were up against. She had no doubt that Jeon would be as unhelpful as he had been since she had first arrived.

"You can't start the interview before 8 am, but given that he was arrested just before midnight, we will have lost 8 precious hours out of the total 48 before we have to either charge him or release him on bail. Be clear, be smart, and do not allow anyone to string you along."

"Yes, sir." They both replied, before ending the call.

"Do you want to go over the interview strategy?"

Jeon's words took Yuri by surprise. She had been expecting a cold shoulder at best, and unfiltered hostility at worst.

"Y-yeah sure," she replied, turning her chair around to find that he had moved over to her side of the cubicle already.

"I think we should lead with the blood match," he continued, frowning at a sheet of paper. "What do you think?"

"While that is the most efficient way to approach it," said Yuri, pausing to organize her thoughts. "We could also press him to provide us with an alibi."

"Why'd you think that?"

Yuri tapped her fingers on the table, wondering how far she should try and explain her idea to Jeon. "I just... He was very uncooperative about providing an alibi last time. But then he came down and voluntarily gave a blood sample, which has put him in a much worse position than not providing an alibi. I don't know why he would refuse the low risk option in favor of the high risk one."

Jeon scoffed. "Well you clearly don't know Jimin then."

"Well obviously not like you lot do," she frowned, folding her arms across her chest.

"Don't get me wrong," he continued, leaning against the divider. "Your confusion is completely valid, but this behavior is very much in character for Jimin."

"How'd you mean?"

"He's a loose canon. He has no regard for authority - half of what he does is to piss off people in power or positions of authority. Jimin's always been like that as far as I can remember. But-" he paused and rubbed the back of his neck tiredly - "this is much more serious. This is murder."

Yuri pressed her lips together, wondering how difficult the interview was going to be.

8 am

"You are aware that you have been arrested on suspicion of the murder of Kang Eunwoo on 16th December."

Park Jimin looked very different from the previous few times Yuri had met him. His silver hair was devoid of any gel, making him look drastically younger. He was not wearing expensive lounge wear like he had been during the previous interview. The only thing that remained unchanged was the emotionless look in his cold grey eyes.

His lawyer, on the other hand, looked quite cheerful - smug even. As if he knew in advance that his client would get off without any charges no matter how serious the offense.

"When you were here a couple of days ago, we asked you where you were on the night of December 15th. And you did not provide us with an answer." Yuri paused, trying in vain to discern something from Jimin's expression. "So let me ask you again - where were you on the night of December 15th?"

"No comment."

"I must impress upon you the importance of this matter. You are the prime suspect in the murder of a rival family's heir. If you do not provide an alibi, we will be forced to assume that you do not have one."

Silence.

"Your blood was found on the victim's clothes." Jeon took over, moving along to the main line of inquiry. "What can you tell us about that?"

"No comment."

"The victim's father says that you visited their house on the night that the victim was murdered. What do you have to say about that?"

"No comment."

This was not going any better than the previous interview. In fact, Yuri thought this one was much worse. Even though they should have had the upper hand, Jimin's unperturbed, stoic expression indicated otherwise. The blood on the sleeve was enough to charge him, but with the Park family's resources there was always a chance that Jimin would be able to get off in court. Which was why they needed to build a stronger case against him.

Jeon continued persisting with the questions, receiving an emotionless "no comment" every time. The lawyer looked rather relaxed, and Yuri tried her best to avoid looking at him. Instead, she focused on Jimin. Everything about him was unreadable - his eyes, his body language, his face, his tone of voice. Despite his more casual appearance this time around, his fingers were still adorned with multiple rings. Her eyes lingered briefly on his hands, absentmindedly counting the number of rings when something struck her.

Jeon had paused to look through his notes, and Yuri took this opportunity to dive in.

"Mr. Park," she began, placing a hand on Jeon's knee to stop him from interrupting her. "I noticed that you always wear a lot of rings on your fingers."

"As far as I can remember, DI Choi," said Jimin's lawyer. "Wearing a lot of rings is not a criminal offense."

"And I commend you on your immaculate memory," she replied, dryly. "Getting back to what I was saying, you wear a lot of rings. Are they supposed to be a fashion statement? Or do they have some greater significance?"

Jimin's expression flickered for the briefest of moments.

"For example," she continued, indicating the ring on the little finger of his left hand. "That's an unusual design - quite old-fashioned compared to the rest of your rings. Is there anything special about that ring?"

"I don't understand how this is relev-"

"Then why don't you let your client answer himself."

For the first time since the interview had begun, Jimin's posture changed slightly. "That ring belonged to my mother."

"I see... that must hold a lot of emotions for you." Yuri removed her hand from Jeon's thigh, indicating that he could continue. He didn't say anything to her, preferring to hold eye-contact for a few meaningful seconds

"I'm going to ask you one last time," he said, taking over once again. "Where were you on the night of December 15th?"

"No comment."

...

"What was that about?" asked Jeon, once they were out of the interview room.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," he sighed in exasperation. "The ring, Choi."

"Just wanted to bring down his guard a bit," she shrugged.

He looked unconvinced, but dropped it seeing as they had more pressing things to deal with at the moment. Shaking his head, he went into Goh's room to update him on the outcome of the interview.

Making sure that the door to the Chief Inspector's room had been shut completely, Yuri switched on her laptop and pulled up every bit of information she had on Jimin. Even though she had gone over it less than 2 days ago, there were some things she needed to confirm. If what she thought was even remotely possible, they had been looking at things wrong the entire time.

"Hello? Telecoms Division? This DI Choi Yuri, badge number XXXX. I wanted to check whether this phone number is currently being used in Korea. Yes, I'll hold."

She tapped her fingers on the desk nervously, hoping she could get the information before Jeon came back. While it was true that he hadn't been openly hostile with her over the past 24 hours or so, she didn't want to risk pissing him off without something concrete.

"Yes, I'm still here," she breathed a sigh of relief when the person on the other end of the line took her off hold. "Really? Okay. And can you tell me if the number was being used overseas at any point in the past 2 months? I see... Would it be possible to send this to my official email? Great! Thank you very much for your help."

A couple of minutes later, Yuri's laptop pinged, indicating a new email. She read through everything carefully- once, twice, making sure she had gotten everything down accurately.

Fuck...

"Going somewhere?" Chief Inspector Goh walked out of his office to see Yuri putting on her coat and packing her bag.

"I- uh- yes."

"There's a lot of paperwork that has to be done, I'm afraid," he continued, checking messages on his phone. "You and Jeongguk will probably need to be here well past usual hours."

"Of course, sir." Yuri shrugged off her coat and sat down with a sigh.

6 pm

Seven hours. It had been seven hours since Yuri and Jeon had begun working their way through the piles of paperwork Goh had instructed them to finish.

"I'm hungry." Jeon stretched his arms above his head, yawning with his entire being. "Do you wanna get some takeout?"

"What?" Yuri looked up from the page she had been trying to read for the past fifteen minutes. Her eyes were glazing over with exhaustion.

"Food. Dinner. Sustenance."

"Y-yeah," Yuri blinked her eyes rapidly. "Sorry what were you saying?"

"You know what? Never mind. I'm just ordering a bunch of things- " He unlocked his phone and began typing away furiously. "Eat whatever you like from there."

Yuri gazed at him for a few moments, trying to reorient herself with the three dimensional world. She noticed that he was sitting on the swivel chair with his feet tucked beneath him - something oddly endearing which didn't really fit her image of him.

"I like dumplings," she said, more to herself than anyone else.

Jeon smirked but didn't say anything.

Half an hour later, a dozen or so takeout containers lay open in front of them - occupying more of Yuri's desk than Jeon's, much to her annoyance. He had rolled up the sleeves of his black shirt, slurping the hot noodles rather noisily.

Yuri threw him a quick glare and reached over to pick up a couple of fried chicken pieces.

"So why'd you ask Jimin about the ring?"

"I see you haven't forgotten about that," Yuri rolled her eyes, biting into the juicy meat.

"It was too specific to be a random thought," he shrugged. "So, are you gonna tell me or...?"

"I don't know if I can trust you, Jeon," she replied, simply.

"W-what?" he spluttered on the noodles, gulping some water to stop choking. "I'm your partner! Why can't you trust me?"

"I don't know..." Yuri tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Is it because you only glared at me on my first day? Or is it because you haven't greeted me civilly even once since I joined? Ooh, I know! Maybe its all of these combined with the fact that you've been an uncooperative bastard since I got here."

Jeon stared at her guiltily, his eyes widening considerably - giving him an expression akin to a deer caught in the headlights. "You're right. I apologize for that."

"Against my better judgment, I'll accept your apology. But you have Yoongi to thank for that."

Jeon smiled into his noodles at the mention of Yoongi.

"You also have Yoongi to thank for what I did yesterday," she continued, setting down the empty container. "I nicked your 2nd Nov case file and went through it."

"You what? When?!"

Yuri waved her hand dismissively. "Details. Unimportant. Yoongi suggested I should and I did. But that's not what I wanted to talk about."

"Anything else of mine you've nicked in the 5 days that you've been here?" grumbled Jeon, but there was no real bitterness in his tone.

Ignoring his comment, she pulled out her phone from the charging socket. "The reason I asked Jimin about his rings, is this -" she scrolled up to a particular picture and passed the phone over to him - "The ring found at the 2nd Nov crime scene is identical to the one Jimin wears on his left little finger."

"Are you sure...?" Jeon asked, raising an eyebrow uncertainly. "Even if it is, what's to say there aren't hundreds of other identical rings belonging to people across the country?"

"I did think that initially," Yuri took her phone back, and pulled up another image. "Which is why I asked Jimin about it during the interview. He said that it belonged to his mother. I'm sure you know this much better than I do but the late Mrs. Park came from a very old, distinguished family. That ring that Jimin was wearing is a family heirloom - from his mother's side. Here's an article that covered heirlooms of famous families in Korea, and it mentions the Park family."

Jeon took the phone from her, a frown forming on his face. The article was dated around 3 years ago.

"According to the article, there were three rings in total. One that belonged to Mrs. Park - which was buried with her after her death - and two others belonging to Jimin and his older brother Minhyuk. Not just that, there's a picture of Jimin and Minhyuk in the article, where they're both wearing the rings."

"Shit... You're right." Jeon pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. "During the investigation, we just assumed that the ring belonged to the victim and had slipped off her finger during the struggle."

"Three rings," said Yuri. "One that has presumably been buried in a grave for over 10 years. One that was definitely on Jimin's finger today. And one that was found at the 2nd Nov crime scene."

"Minhyuk? You think he had something to do with it?" asked Jeon, sharply. "It was pretty clear that the drunk and homeless father of her child had stabbed her."

"Hear me out," she continued, opening her laptop this time. The food lay forgotten at this point. "I went through what we know about the victim - paints a pretty tragic picture. Although it wasn't always like that for her. She worked for a few years, saved up enough money before enrolling into a professional degree program at Busan National University."

"Yeah, so what?"

"Her time at Busan National University coincided with Park Minhyuk's Masters program."

"What?"

"Yeah, but," she continued, finding the university website. "She dropped out after less than a year because her father passed away, leaving behind a huge pile of debt. We know that her mother had passed away when she was about 10. Now if you look at her daughter's birth certificate, it would appear that she got pregnant while she was still enrolled at the university."

"Are you saying the baby was his?! There's a pretty big stretch from attended university at the same time to father of her child."

"Let me finish, would you?" she groaned, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"Fine, go ahead."

"In order to see if they were acquainted with one another, I resorted to the most informative source available - social media. Our victim didn't have much of a social media presence, but I scrolled through anything and everything Park Minhyuk has been tagged in. And guess what I found?"

Jeon stopped eating, and moved closer to the screen to see a picture of a few university students having a picnic together. It was dated January 2016, and two of the people in the picture were recognizable immediately.

"Holy shit! They did know each other! And quite well apparently." Jeon wheeled his chair forward, bumping into her chair in the process. "Shit, sorry."

Yuri rolled her eyes and moved out of his way. She had no desire to get slammed into again.

"Since I'm not part of the original investigation, I thought of checking whether Park Minhyuk was in the country around the time of the stabbing with a different excuse. I called the company, asking if he was available to chat about Jimin. They said he's abroad at the moment. Has been since October, apparently. But- " she rummaged through the papers on her desk before finding the post-it she had hurriedly scribbled on a few hours ago - "Telecoms did an analysis and found that his cell phone has been operating in Korea for a while now. So...?"

"Either someone else has gotten a hold of Park Minhyuk's cell phone," said Jeon, frowning thoughtfully. "Or the Parks are knee-deep in murder and perjury."

XXX

a/n: sorry there was such a huge delay between chapters. i was writing out some of the chapters beforehand so that there wouldn’t be too many plot inconsistencies.

#c me write bangtan #jungkook fic #jungkook x oc #jungkook #hoseok #yoongi #namjoon #taehyung #seokjin #btsbookclub #bts fic

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royallyprincesslilly · 6 years ago

Text

Title: How Do You Like It? {Headcanon/One-Shot}*

Chris Evans

Warning: Cursing, Lewd Topic, Conversation NSFW, Lewd Humor

Words: 2.2k

Note: Okay, so yet again I came up with something just by looking at these two gifs/images of Chris. Yet again, I have NO IDEA what this is, where this came from or what’s wrong with me. Rock with me though. Thank you for reading.

***Not Edited/Proofread**

~~~~~~~~~~~

He’d done a lot of interviews in his career. So many they all blended together. They asked the same questions, insinuated to the same things, told the same jokes. He could go through a regular run of the mill interview with his eyes closed and half drunk and still ace it. he was going nuts with the mundaneness of it all. He wanted to shake it up but of course, he had his image to think about. He always had his image to think about, which is why his interviews had been blander than what he’d imagined potato salad with raisins would taste like.

He was tired of boring interviews and wanted to just go off the beaten path, just once. So, when he got wind that his team got an offer from a podcast called “The Thirsty Hour” to appear his interest was piqued. It took his team no longer than a minute to decline the offer. He’s expected that. The next day he turned right around and accepted the offer and had them go through Scott to finalize the arrangement.

When he showed up three nights later to the address, he’d been given he did so with Scott and his partner in tow. The location was a hair salon that had a basement that the owners of the salon and founders of the podcast; Shaundra and Aleesha had set up impressively well. It looked like a professional start-up radio station.

The duo thanked him for appearing and shook his hand over ten times with bright smiles plastered across their faces. He could tell their excitement and he was also excited to be there. It was sad this was how he got his kicks, sneaking off behind his team’s back to do interviews off the beaten path.

He was offered a drink while they went over the schedule and possible content. Business discussions turned to small talk and a whole lot of laughs and that turned to three beers before Shaundra and Aleesha began the show. He sat back and watched the dynamic duo in their element. He liked the way they fed off each other and knew he was going to have a good time.

Shaundra: Thanks again everyone for tuning in to our little podcast. It’s hard to believe that this is our two hundredth episode. It totally doesn’t feel like it.

Aleesha You’re right. It definitely doesn’t feel like it at all. We’ve been lucky that this has taken off the way that it has especially given how this is not a morning commute type of podcast.

Shaundra: Damn right, we’re the cousin of the morning commute podcast that many are ashamed of because they wouldn’t know where to begin when it comes to the things we talk about.

Aleesha: What kinds of things are those?

Saundra: The sex kinds. Sex positions, Kama Sutra, blow jobs, backshots, ways to spice up the marriage, how to give a proper striptease.

Chris’ eyebrows shot up as he was mid sip of his glass of brown liquor. The immediate thought in his head was this was going to get interesting.

Aleesha: And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

Shaundra: Tip of the dick print you mean.

Chris couldn’t help it but snort loudly. He held up his finger as an apology for his outburst but neither Shaundra nor Aleesha seemed to mind. They just smiled and shook their heads as if to tell him not to worry about it.

Aleesha: Speaking of dick print. I have no idea how we pulled this off, but we actually got confirmation that we’re doing things real BIG for our two hundredth episode. We have a special guest tonight, none other than Chris Evans.

Fake applause sounds on a track and Chris takes up the headphones and puts them on.

Shaundra: Welcome to the show Chris.

Chris: Thank you for having me. I appreciate the thought.

Aleesha: This is your first time on the show. Have you listened before?

Chris: I’m embarrassed to say that I haven’t. I don’t get much time to myself and it leaves little time to find new things or enjoy things on my own.

Shaundra: I understand that. We’re glad you were able to come through though. You look very low key like you intended to fly under the radar tonight in your t-shirt, hat, and jeans. Also, are those the new Nike’s?

He smiles and begins to blush.

Chris: I’m a bit of a sneakerhead. It’s a thing for me.

The ladies nod and look impressed.

Shaundra: You’re sure you’re not a black man parading around as a white man?

Chris: Sort of a like a reverse Rachel Dolezal?

The applause track plays again but is accompanied by Shaundra and Aleesha’s “ohs” and “wows”.

Shaundra: Shots fired.

He laughs and shrugs as he takes another snip of his drink thinking this isn’t so bad and had no idea why his team shot it down.

Aleesha: Speaking of black men. Chris, have you ever dated a sista?

Chris: Sista?

Shaundra: Sista, she mean--.

Chris: No, I know what a sista is.

Shaundra and Aleesha eye each other in a way that speaks volumes.

Chris: Officially no, I haven’t.

Aleesha: What’s unofficially?

Chris: I’ve flirted with, spoken with for a few days but nothing ever came of it.

Shaundra: Would you ever date a sista, a black woman?

Chris: I would. Why not? I look at more important things than skin color.

Aleesha: Like what?

Chris: Like, connection, conversation, sense of humor, interests, stuff like that.

Shaundra: I noticed you kept looks off that list. Do you not look at a woman’s looks?

Chris: The politically correct answer would be; looks don’t matter but in today’s world looks are everything.

Shaundra: Are looks everything to Chris Evans?

Chris: Nah. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Aleesha: So, do you have a type?

Chris: Nope.

Shaundra and Aleesha laugh together.

Shaundra: What catches your eye then? Nice eyes, plump lips, big boobs, small waist, wide hips, big ass? What makes Chris Evans look like the man in those memes who’s walking with his girlfriend but is looking back at a new, fresher piece of ass?

He laughs again and thinks about the question for a few moments. He takes another swig of the liquor and leans closer to the table.

Chris: Uh, I don’t know.

He was still feeling censored from his many, many years of doing just that.

Aleesha: Come on. Are you an ass man or a boobs man?

Chris: God, this is going to be everywhere tomorrow. The headline is going to say Chris Evans reveals he’s an ass man.

The ladies laugh again and clap.

Shaundra: Ah, so you’re an ass man.

Aleesha: Then you have to find yourself a sista. We’ve got great asses. Do you like them firm with no jiggle or round, plump with some jiggle?

Chris: Definitely some jiggle, something I can hold on to when I’m back there.

Shaundra’s and Aleesha’s drop open. He’d just disclosed that he likes doggy style.

Aleesha: So, Chris Evans is an ass man who likes backshots, which is the better term for doggy style? Did I just hear right?

His smile was wide, but he didn’t confirm or deny what she said. That action was a clear confirmation to them though.

Shaundra: Well alright then. I would have never guessed.

Aleesha: I would have. You give off this air of—confidence, it’s a confidence similar to what black men give off. I can’t explain it but there is something about you that is intriguing. I would have guessed.

He smiles and tips his head in a curt nod.

Shaundra: The last guest we had on the show, we asked about how he likes his head. He gave an idea of how he preferred it.

Aleesha: He gave up a play by play walkthrough.

Chris: Sounds informative. You do know that what works for one man doesn’t necessarily work for all right.

Shaundra: So, I’ve learned. Y’all are pickier than women.

Chris: Lies. What works for one woman definitely doesn’t work for all. If that’s the case I could just suck on a clit and boom off to space.

Again, Shaundra and Aleesha’s jaws dropped. He looked across to his brother who looked equally as shocked before he shook his head. It was at that time Chris realized he’d probably had enough to drink.

Aleesha: So that doesn’t work for every woman you’ve been with?

He laughs and shakes his head.

Shaundra: Oh, come on, closed mouths don’t get fed.

Chris: Loose lips sink ships or careers.

Aleesha: The ideals of a good career change over time. Live a little.

He laughed again but decided to just live a little and deal with it later.

Shaundra: So. Chris Evans eats the box?

Chris: How can any man be okay with not knowing how to please their woman or not wanting to do it to perfection. I am not above any of it. All of my fingering is accurate.

Laughter rang out in the small room.

Aleesha: He eats the box and is an accurate fingerer ladies.

Shaundra: What makes Chris Evans go wild in the bedroom?

Chris: So, a cheat sheet?

Aleesha: Why not. Ninety percent of the world might not ever get to use it so, yeah.

Chris: Okay. Someone who’s adventurous, not just into the basic things like a kiss here, lay on your back and thanks see you next time. I’m definitely a guy who enjoys the tease, make it last. Anticipation can be an intoxicating thing.

Aleesha: So, you’re into foreplay.

Chris: Absolutely.

Shaundra: What about when it comes to the head?

Aleesha: I have an idea. Here.

Aleesha places a standing mic in front of him and smiles.

Aleesha: Show us.

Chris: Show you?

Aleesha: Yeah. We always record our podcasts with video, and it goes to our YouTube for those who like a visual with their audio. We told you this. I figured the ladies at home would love to see.

He looks to his brother and his partner and they’re already laughing no doubt thinking this is what he deserves for throwing censors to the side.

Chris: What the hell.

He leans closer to the mic and clears his throat and acts as if he’s about to showcase some superior athletic skills.

Chris: All right so maybe start with some kisses along the—

Aleesha: Shaft?

Chris: Right, that. Don’t be afraid of it, get in there.

He allows the ball of the mic to jamb into his cheek before he smears his nose across it taking a deep inhale.

Chris: Just get in there. Tease it on your lips maybe add some sneak licks and flicks of the tongue before you come up and just put your mouth on it. a lot of women forget the head is super sensitive use that shit. Make him squeal and scrunch his toes.

Again, everyone laughed, and he tried to keep a straight face.

Chris: If you can’t take it all take what you can, don’t just have your tongue sit there either figure out what to do with it. experiment. Have fun. Don’t forget to use your hands too.

He grasps the mic with both hands and moves them in opposite directions sort of like a wrench.

Chris: Make them do the opposite of whatever your mouth is doing. Don’t be afraid to get messy. Sloppy toppy is not a bad thing. Let the spit drip, hell gag a little. Be enthusiastic about that shit. A man can tell an unenthusiastic dick sucker. It’s obvious if you don’t want to slob on the knob. Don’t be the unenthusiastic dick sucker.

They all couldn’t hold the laughter, including him. As he tried to get back into character, he took another sip of his drink and echoed the same thing he did from the beginning rubbing his face across the mic.

Chris: Just have fun with it.

Aleesha: And for the finish, are you a facial kind of man or would you prefer to give mouthfuls?

His smile was wide as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Chris: Why choose? Depends what the mood of the night is. It has to go somewhere though.

With that everyone uproariously laughed.

Shaundra: Wow. Wow. That is all I can say.

Aleesha and Shaundra both applauded his performance. He bowed his head to them and toward the camera in the corner.

Aleesha: I think that is all we can take tonight on The Thirsty Hour.

Shaundra: I’d say thirst quenched Aleesha?

Aleesha: Hell no, we’re parched.

Shaundra: Thank you, Chris Evans, for coming by and kicking it with us. Any sistas that wanna step to Chris and represent and do it for the culture and show him what he’s been missing, please. You now have a roadmap to his pleasure.

The ladies close the podcast and cut the video feed shortly after. They thank him again before he leaves and gets back into the car. On the drive, Scott teases him about him possibly going too far and warning him to be prepared for the fallout tomorrow. Chris knows he’s right but can’t seem to care. Tomorrow was another day and it wasn’t there yet.

#how do you like it headcanon #how do you like it one shot #Chris Evans #chris evans headcanon #chris evans oneshot

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musette22 · 5 years ago

Note

Hi Minnie! First of all, thank you for being so sweet, reasonable and respectful, I can't even describe how much joy your blog gives me! You are a true pro in emotional support for Evanstan fandom, so I guess I kinda need some reassurance. [1]

The thing is, as you probably know, some Seb stans on Twitter take the whole Chris insta situation and turn it into smth embarassing, like making fun of Seb and Mackie ignoring Chris and calling the idea of the challenge stupid (even though Chris did donate, not just "asked fans for money", as they say). It's like they feel the need to attack the first before smb calls they fav out. [2]

I know there ARE good people in Seb fandom, it's just that the aggressive ones are so loud and spread their bs so fast, I end up seeing it on my TL. No matter how stupid it sounds, it keeps making me sad to see so much hate towards Chris and his fans not from some random locals but from Seb stans. It's like two halves of my heart are torn apart. Not even ship-wise, it just seems so hard to love them both and be present on twitter these days. [3]

And, since I'm whiney af today, one more twitter thing: the CW promo era was some kind of honeymoon for us, sure, but I've recently seen some opinions on how Chris was all lovey-dovey and Seb was stiff and bored and uncomfortable, how their interviews were unnatural and boring. I mean, in my part of fandom (non-English speaking country) there has always been a popular perception of boys' dynamic as these "over-excited puppy playing around a confused cat" vids, if you know what I mean. [4]

But it kinda seemed ok for me, and the way they acted a little awkward around each other etc. Well, you can tell I'm easily affected cause now it does feel more negative to me. Stuuupid, I know. Maybe it's my "let's feel sorry for Chris and his fans" phase, idk. Sorry for bringing it here, you just seem to reassure people so well. [5 and last, it was long lol]

Hello my lovely!! This was indeed long hahaha but that’s totally fine, I myself am also someone who also has trouble keeping things short to I feel you 😘

This is a very long reply so I’m putting it under the cut so I don’t clog up people’s dashes!

Okay so first of all, let me say I was never a fan of Twitter, but everything I’ve heard lately has just lowered my opinion of it even further. I know there’s a lot of amazing stuff and brilliant folks on there as well, but it also seems to be where all the bitchy, hateful, entitled and inappropriate people congregate. So personally, I’m very happy with my little community on Tumblr when it comes to fandom, and for news and social media I prefer actual news outlets and instagram. The sad truth is that there are a lot of harmful and hateful opinions in the world, and as someone who struggles with anxiety, I try to find ways to avoid a lot of it. Especially the stuff I can’t do anything about (you can try to reason with most haters until you’re blue in the face, and 90% of the time it’s not going to make an ounce of difference). It’s much easier to curate your own experiences on platforms like Tumblr and even Instagram than it is on Twitter, or so I’ve gathered. So I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of helpful advice for you there apart from ‘maybe try and stay away from Twitter if you can’ which you probably don’t really want either...

As for the whole Seb vs Chris issue: it’s clearly completely ridiculous. There is no ground whatsoever to believe they’re at odds. At worst, they’re now just casual work friends, but there is no reason to believe there’s any bad blood. It’s interesting to consider that initially, the argument seemed to be they had fallen out and both disliked each other (no idea where that came from but sure), then it was that Chris didn’t like Sebastian (because he allegedly shaded him when he joked that Scarjo was the only one of his friends who came to see Lobby Hero), and then Chris got Instagram and tagged and followed Seb, but because Seb hasn’t responded to the challenge yet, he now apparently hates Chris. For what reason, god only knows, because only last year at MCM London (where I was present myself) Sebastian gushed about Chris and his experiences with him while filming the Cap movies, and lets not forget it was him who initiated the hug at the Endgame premiere. Long story short: they don’t dislike each other. They’re completely fine, people just like to make up drama for whatever reason.

As for the Sebastian stans who hate Chris and vice vera: to be honest, I wasn’t even really aware it was an issue until recently, because I was under the naive impression that it was kind of impossible to love one but hate the other. Both of them are such amiable, sweet, thoughtful, funny, talented guys, and everyone who actually knows them adores them, so why on earth anyone could hate either of them is beyond me. But even if you do, I genuinely don’t understand this need to pit them against each other? Why? I think a lot of it is down to people just liking drama, or being actual 12 year-olds who still see the world in a kind of high school dynamic-way. I’m not saying Chris and Sebastian have never done anything wrong, but in my opinion, none of it warrants outright hate or being cancelled over. It’s such an immature and unreasonable take. I’m just sorry for the people who can’t love both of them, because man, are they missing out! I understand that it’s painful for you to see all those opinions when you love both of them so much, but that’s why I try to just avoid them. I know they exist, but not seeing them makes dealing with it a whole lot easier, I promise! ❤️

With regard to the challenge itself: if the celebrities who are taking part in it are not donating themselves, then yeah, that would be problematic. However, we know that Chris donates to a ton of different charities, so there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s donated to this cause as well. Asking people to buy tickets to try and win this “prize” is not in itself an issue, if you ask me. People can think for themselves, can’t they? If they think it’s worth it, they think it’s worth it. They’re not being forced to part with their money, and moreover said money is being used to help people in need. Of course fake and problematic charities exist, but there are still good ones out there as well, so let’s assume for the moment this one is actually doing all of this from a genuine desire to help people and it’s not some money grabbing scheme.

Furthermore, as I’ve said so many times before, I really don’t believe Sebastian and Mackie are “ignoring” Chris. If they’re choosing not to do the challenge (they still might do it at some point) then I’m sure they have a good reason for that and it isn’t that they’re holding a grudge and are thinking “screw this charity and that Chris Evans, I’m going to ghost him to get my revenge!” I mean, do these people even realize how ridiculous that sounds 🙄 I also believe they would have let Chris know about their decision privately. They do have each other’s phone numbers, you know...

And lastly, about the CW press tour... I don’t know what footage these people have been watching to come to such conclusions, or what’s wrong with their eyes and ears, but that makes NO sense to me. I’ll tell you what; it was mostly the footage from the CW press tour that got me convinced there was something going in between the two of them! Both Chris and Sebastian acted in a way that screamed “smitten kittens” to me, and if there was ever any “stiffness” from Sebastian’s side, then that was no doubt just his slightly more reserved personality compared to Chris and Mackie’s. Chris and Sebastian’s videos together give me LIFE, so for anyone to call them boring is actually kind of insulting lol. To me, almost every interaction Chris and Seb had during that press tour showed that they were either low-key (in a friendship way) or high-key (in a romantic way) crushing on each other, and they clearly admire each other very much. Any awkwardness I’ve ever seen between them for me seemed to stem from that crush (is anyone not at least a little awkward around their crush sometimes?) and not from any dislike from either side. That’s actually such a ridiculous idea to me that it doesn’t even make me worried, it just makes me laugh. Some people really don’t have eyes, it seems.

Anyway, that was a reeeeeeaaaaaallllyyyyy long reply lmao, I’m sorry! I hope this helps a little though, because I do know how shitty it is to feel like you do about things that are supposed to make you happy!! Tuning out the haters and focusing on people who feel the same way you do in my experience is the best way to get to feeling good again 🥰 Big hug, and hopefully you’ll feel better soon!

#evanstan #rpf #minnie answers #Anonymous

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photolover82 · 5 years ago

Text

The Masked Singer Season 4 Episode 2: Group B kicking it off... with a twist!! Guesses and Commentary

Hello my fellow Masked Singer guys and gals! It's that time of the week again (albeit I am a bit late, but let's go with it), time for Ana's Masked Singer recap woohoo! *insert fanfare here* This episode was such an insane one not gonna lie, Group B came in with a bang like wow... let's just get into it because it's a crazy episode in it of itself.

Firstly, I gotta point out the contestants of Group B, which this time were 6 unlike A and C which only have 5 contestants total.. and those 6 are (order from left to right, top row first then bottom row in the image below) Crocedile, Gremlin (the purple fluffy guy), Seahorse, Whatchamacallit (the blue and red hair cousin It thing), Baby Alien, and Serpent.

Alrighty so this elimination is gonna be a bit different than usual because it isn't the norm of what usually happens with these sorts of things (I'll tell you what I mean in a sec)...

So the first contestant unmasked for Group B actually wasn't eliminated (I know what you are thinking... "whaaatttt Anaaaaa that makes no sense")... but actually he unmasked himself (whatttt?! yeah you read that right, he legit was hot and suffocating and he seemed super over it and just took it off by himself... yup, that happened like what mind blown!

Anyways the mask who did this was...

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

THE GREMLIN

Performance: He sang Stand by Me by Ben E. King and honestly it was meh, it was really breathy as if he forgot some of the words, I don’t know if he was overcome with emotion (because he dedicated it to his friend who passed away) or what, I felt kind of bad but I low key feel like he was going to go home regardless, but on the bright side I love the costume and it was a great song choice for his range. He has a very raspy voice... like almost like a smoker’s voice and I can kind of tell that he’s an older man, but I couldn’t recognize the singer.

So the Gremlin ended up being revealed to be....

*DRUMROLL PLEASE*

MICKEY ROURKE

Ugh this upsets me because I don’t know who he is so I really couldn’t guess him correctly. I searched it up and apparently he’s an actor and director and was in Iron Man 2, which I’ve never seen like ever. But yeah, he did good, he looked kinda drunk not gonna lie and I guess he was suffocated and got over it.

Alright now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to my favorite part, the remaining 5 contestants:

1. THE SEAHORSE

Performance: I really love Seahorse, she’s one of my favorites of the night and so far in the season in general. Her performance of Rihanna’s Only Girl in the World was amazing and I definitely knew who that voice is...

My guess and I am so sure about this guys is singer, songwriter, American Idol alum...

TORI KELLY

Dude like that voice is so recognizable... but also because of the clues:

Emotion Ocean= she’s super emotional when it comes to songwriting, like she legit said in an interview that she cries a lot

Tea Party= she hosted tea parties with her fans in 2019 (well before all this ofc)

Rainbow Frog= sang Rainbow Connection with Kermit the Frog

Judges’ Guesses:

Jenny: Halsey (say what now? This doesn’t sound like her... is Jenny ok? This episode she’s been messing up with guesses more than Ken... you’ll see what I mean)

Nicole: Hailee Steinfeld (meh, that’s ok I guess, but not quite)

Robin: Bebe Rexha (he was onto something when he said country but then he said this, but this is the closest guess of the 3)

2. THE SERPENT

Performance: This one is my other favorite of this group. His performance of “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers was absolutely stunning, I got chills! If it is who I think it is, I love him (partially because I think I know who it can be)

I think the Serpent can be actor of the iconic Broadway sensation Hamilton aka Aaron Burr, Sir:

LESLIE ODOM JR.

Dude like I feel pretty good about this guess because of the voice and the clues:

Map of the Caribbean= reference to the beginning of Hamilton where Alexander Hamilton is from

Jr. References= he’s a jr.

Between medicine & music= he played a doctor on Murder on the Orient Express in 2017

Number 31118 (this was from the Sunday before the premiere but still worth noting)= 3 albums, 11 stage productions, 18 years on Broadway OR bible verse Romans 3:11-18 which was written by Paul, a character he played on Rent

Judges’ Guesses:

Jenny: John Legend (See what I’m saying? Jenny, what are you doing man? That is not John Legend, like they don’t sound alike at all)

Ken: Daveed Diggs (Wow! Ken got it kinda close, I’m proud, that’s an achievement for him we gotta give it to him)

Nicole: Leslie Odom Jr. (WOOOO!! Yesss Nicole!!) 👏🏼

3. THE CROCODILE

Performance: I also really liked Crocodile and his performance of It’s My Life by Bon Jovi was great! I feel like I know who this is, and I am pretty familiar (well, more or less) with 90s and early 2000s boybands and this one is someone in that realm I am so sure of it...

Ok so being more specific, I think it’s boybander from The Backstreet Boys:

NICK CARTER

The voice and the clues were a dead giveaway:

The Vegas vibes in the clue package= he performed in Vegas with Backstreet Boys

Water clues (the water slide and happiest in water)= he was born in Orlando, FL home of the theme parks and FL is also some of the Gators so it would makes sense with the costume

Grew up in Hollywood= moved there when really young

Judges’ Guesses:

Ken: John Hamm (and he’s back, that was a terrible guess)

Nicole: Nick Lachey (so close, but not quite)

Robin: Donnie Wahlberg (um, Jenny agreed, how does she not know that this ain’t your husband?!)

4. THE WHATCHAMACALLIT

Performance: His performance of “I Wish” by Skee-Lo was good, not my favorite, but I didn’t hate it. I am kind of feeling that it’s an athlete due to the height and also how he speaks.

So this guess is an idea I got from the Internet (subject to change because I have no clue about sports players):

Rashad Jennings?

The only thing I got from the clues was:

Dancing with Stars= he won DWTS

Clues IDK

Orange Jelly= ?

The clock with the Bear Mask on the 5= ?

Swinging Keys= ?

Judges’ Guesses:

Nicole= Swiss Beats (meh idk)

Ken: Damon Lillard (I like this guess, tbh.. I kinda agree with it being a sports player)

Robin: Tyler the Creator (that would be cool but I don’t think so)

5. THE BABY ALIEN

Performance: His performance of Faith by George Micheals was good too, better than I expected for the costume ngl. I had pretty low expectations but I am pleasantly surprised. He isn’t my favorite by any means and I am also a bit stumped by him especially because of that fake Russian accent, but I am in between 2 people at the moment....

The 2 people I am in between are either Ventriloquist Jeff Dunham or actor

JASON SEGEL

It kinda sounds like him and the clues are a bit confusing but there’s one I understand too:

Tony Awards Reference= he’s been on Broadway

The mask’s a puppet and Segel is a big fan of puppets (He was also in the Muppets movie)

CLUES IDK

Space clues= ?

Friends Reference (2nd Gear)= ?

Ferris Beuller references= ?

Judges’ Guesses:

Jenny: Ralph Macchio (meh I guess that’s good)

Nicole: David Schwimmer (not bad, but idk it doesn’t really sound like it)

Ken: Freddie Prinze Jr. (ya, no)

Alright so that’s it! I am so sorry for it being late, but better late than never... I’ve been pretty busy so hopefully this weekend I will have tonight’s episode recap up... THANK YOU FOR READING AND I WILL SEE YOU IN THE NEXT ONE *blows kiss* byeeee!

#mickey rourke #the masked singer #masked singer season 4 #gremlin mask

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mokkoriness · 6 years ago

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ROCK AND READ vol. 086 - Show Interview

Their own "alicenine."

At their 15th anniversary tour final that was held at Hibiya Open Air Concert Hall on August 10, their band name changed back to the original "alicenine." from the "A9" that we have gotten familiar with over the last 5 years. Although we heard the reason behind this in the previous issue from the band's frontman, Show, in this issue, we ask each of the members to talk about their feelings towards "alicenine.". With what kind of feelings did they have when facing this band name and the "blend of Japanese and Western styles" concept 15 years ago? Everyone has their own image of "alicenine.", so that means we should be able to see many aspects of the band that is alicenine.

alicenine.'s vocalist Show, who is making his second consecutive appearance in this magazine. In the previous issue, we had Show talk about the reason behind changing the band name back from "A9" to "alicenine.", about alicenine. and the current state of the music scene, from the point of a view of a businessman who is responsible for the band's strategy. This time, as the person who named this band, including with what feelings he had when he named the band, we closed in on Show's point of origin = "darkness". Only because there is poison, there is beauty.

Changing your band name back from "A9" to "alicenine.", you have made a new start. News that you had changed your band name generated a huge response to the point that it was even trending on Twitter worldwide.

Show: That's right. First of all, by changing our name to "A9", from an outsider's perspective, isn't there also the point of view that there could be "people who think that it's not interesting" that the five of us are doing activities? There was this feeling. No matter how much we say that we are doing things properly, there will be a small percentage of doubts. I think that that also goes for the people who really support us. There was this strange feeling of having to correct yourself from saying "alicenine", which we had gotten used to, to "A9". We were painfully aware that everyone felt that way, so in order to overcome that strange feeling, we thought that one of our missions was to change our band name back.

Is that so? And so you changed the band stylisation back to the katakana and kanji mix, reclaiming your band name.

Show: As we were doing our band activities, the music scene in Asia was really livening up, and on a global level, the position of music from Asia was elevated, so as a form on content from Japan, we had to also do our best. So as a "weapon" for that, and furthermore, to show our intention as a band that "returned to their origin", we changed our stylisation to the original "alicenine.".

So does that mean in other words, the choice of this stylisation also has the intention of being on the offensive?

Show: If we were to never change our band name in the future again, I thought that changing it to the English stylisation of "Alice Nine" would be the safest move. I am responsible for design, so from that point of view, it's really difficult to handle; the peculiarity of アリス九號. is too strong. But the overall consensus from the members was a choice that wasn't a safe bet, so in that respect, it really is an attack.

Were there any moments where you felt that the band name had really changed back?

Show: I guess that would be at Tora's birthday live, where I was boldly able to say "We're alicenine.". I thought that it was different from before. Because in the 5 years until then, we did not say it at all.

It was "We're A9".

Show: Right. When the words "alicenine." were born, we had nothing. But the phrase just stirs up the edgy side inside of us, or rather, the poison. It made me think, "So the name "alicenine." has that kind of ring to it and that kind of power to it".

Does that mean the name "A9" stirred up something different inside you?

Show: That might be the case. The source of my creativity are aggressive things, like hatred and grudges, so now that you mention it, there are just some feelings that "A9" doesn't stir up. Even when A9 was caught up in the affairs of the adults without knowing what was what, maybe it's because that we had grown mentally too, but none of that intense, deep black hatred was stirred up. But in the initial period of alicenine., I had done things with a thirst for blood, so this name does stir up those feelings.

No one could get that feeling of bloodlust from looking at the "A9" logo.

Show: Because it's only made up of symbols. When I gave the band the name “alicenine.", for me, there was an actual reason for choosing the word "alice". From when I was a young child to when I was in my teens, I had always thought that perhaps one day when you woke up, you would be a different person. Just like "Alice in Wonderland", perhaps you could fall down a hole and end up in a different world. I was the kind of person who lived having those kinds of fantasies.

What was is that pushed you that far?

Show: It was the expectations of my parents. But I was unable to meet their expectations. There was nothing that made me feel proud of myself. Ever since I was old enough to understand the world around me until elementary school exams, I had received special education. During this special education, I would always run away during class, and my parents and the teachers would find me and bring me back to class. So as a result of me turning and running away from my studies, there was nothing left for me, and there was nothing that could validate my self worth. So I had no choice but to escape from reality. The desire for that kind of person to want to escape from reality is embedded in the name "アリス ( "alice")". The "九號 ("nine")." part is from "(N)INE" of "NUMBER (N)INE (an apparel brand)", which I turned into "九 ("nine")" later, and when I combined it with "アリス", the first thing I thought was that it seemed like a strong name. When I looked up the meaning of "九" on Wikipedia, it said that "In Japanese cosmology, it means the greatest and the strongest", so I chose "九". The basis for me choosing this band name is my low self-esteem, which gave me no choice but to escape from reality, and the feeling of wanting to become stronger in spite of this.

Now that we know about your mentality, we can see your gloomy character and introspective world, especially in the songs during the initial period of the band.

Show: That's right. Precisely because of my view on life and death and because I was in a hopeless hole in the ground where there was only self-denial, there was the light that looked sparkling and beautiful. That is the root of my expression.

It was all you could aspire to; a world that was shining brightly with light. Even though you look like a prince (laughs).

Show: I think that if I really were a prince that was shining brightly, the stars would not shine. Because the prince himself is the one that is shining. For some reason, lately, many people have been saying to me "Show, let's do what is that the root of your expression".

Saga talked passionately about that in this issue.

Show: In terms of how my resources are used, I have the temperament of a creator, so I'm a moody, unpleasant, desperate, and clumsy person. But Saga tells me things, Ken (L'Arc～en～Ciel) tells me things, and Kei (BAROQUE) tells me things. So as someone on the receiving end of being told things, I had somehow managed to do things in a good way. Things were different at the very beginning. I took the lead and actively decided on everything.

When alicenine. first formed?

Show: Yes. For songs, I would be giving instructions to everyone, like "Let's do this kind of song next", and we would jam in the studio and make songs that way. From the setlist to the homepage to the flyers; I did everything. So when the band's level began to gradually increase, all of a sudden, it had hit me. That I sucked at singing (awkward smile).

It's not as though you were aiming to become a vocalist. And yet this band had required a vocalist that could sing well.

Show: I had painfully realised that I was awful at singing, and so once again, I lost my confidence. That's when Saga had started to work really hard for us.

In other words, that is where the baton for the musical leader had changed.

Show: That's right.

But after becoming A9 and managing the band yourselves, you have suddenly changed into a frontman with unshakeable confidence. You have the determination to pull in the audience with your emotional talking, such as saying "As long as you are happy, I don't care if people are laughing behind our backs. I will do anything for you", and since becoming a confident frontman, there has been no wavering in your singing. I think that your awareness as a frontman had completely changed once you became A9. What are your thoughts on this?

Show: All of one's life and humanity shows in singing. Although I was really bad at singing when alicenine. first formed, I was overflowing with the energy like that of a stray dog saying, "Just watch me, I'm going to rise to the top". What left an impression on me was a blog post from someone who had watched us at an event at the time, saying "What the hell is with these guys? They can't do a single thing right, but they have this overwhelming aura of winners. You can't help but feel overwhelmed by them".

Even though you were bad, the aura that you were winners was on full display.

Show: At first, that was good in its own way. But before we knew it, we made our major debut after 1 year. That meant that from there on, our craft was commercialised. To become commercialised means that what determines what the correct answer is is not the creator, but the customer. It's a matter of whether the customer wants it or not. When we reframed our activities in that manner, at the time, I did not have the tolerance, the skills, or the personality to take on the burden of expression as a commercial business. On top of that, including the staff, no one had said anything to me about my singing.

Like "You're off pitch"?

Show: Yeah. I want to tell my past self to say "Someone teach me how to sing" (laughs).

In a previous issue of "ROCK AND READ", you also said that none of the members had ever pointed out problems with your singing.

Show: Like "This is what sucks about him but this is what he's good at". The same applies to all the members. Even if we are severely lacking in something, we all have our own unique capabilities. We're a band that combines such unique capabilities.

What was the reason behind the dramatic change to your singing, which was something you were lacking in, in A9?

Show: I said that singing shows one's life and humanity, but until the change to A9, I had not understood what it meant for the people who came to hear the music live, and the true essence of that. Music is very black. Even though they don't know what it will be like live, the audience pays really far ahead in advance, and they are even required to make an additional payment for handling fees. Even if they were to buy tickets many months in advance, the tickets are done by lottery, and even if you were to score a ticket, the ticket has a certain entry number. Despite such unreasonable conditions, they come to see us live and headbang. Considering that this is a service industry, compared to other services, isn't it a very failed service? But of all the options available to them, they purposely choose music and come to see us live. It was around the 9th year that I was able to intrinsically understand the significance of that. Since then, I've been doing music not as my job, but with the feelings of living out each and every day to the maximum. It was from around the "Alice Nine 9th Anniversary #1 "World's End Daybreak"" tour where the audience gradually understood that we were being serious about it.

From then on, music was not work, but had become your life.

Show: Yes. That way, I understood what the audience was doing for us, and when I treated the audience with the determination that was aware of that, I began to see something different. I look at each and every person and wonder what I can do for them. If the capacity of the venue is 350 people, it is not just 350 people. For example, although to the person who is at the very back of Takadanobaba AREA against the wall and probably can only see a small part of me, all I can do for them is to reach my hand out to them and sing in this 8-bar rhythm, and have them feel that. That is what I am doing with each and every person now. By doing so, I can finally face each and every person that comes to see us live, and for the first time, I can exist as a frontman. I think that was probably communicated to you. So it's not a simple matter of me being able to be on pitch now.

In the past, with what kind of feelings did you have while standing on stage?

Show: I was scared when the audience was pushing towards the front, and I didn't know what to do. So I did my best to put on a brave face. Now I am standing on the stage making it a point to consider each and every person in the room. If we are playing a solo show, it's for two and a half hours. It's about just how much we can make it a valuable memory in the lives of the people who come to see us. I don't think of it as us offering time, but I constantly think about shining as something important to them and as sharing something with each other. That is why everyday, as if it was an ordinary thing to do, I stretch while listening to the music of the world. Even when I go to restaurants and such, I think about whether or not I can utilise this hospitality with the band. It's not as though I am working hard on each and every thing separately; it's connected like a neural network. I think that this becomes my humanity and my singing, and is being communicated to everyone. Since I only think about what I can do for each and every person that comes to see us play live and how I should face them, I don't mind dancing or acting. To us, there is a single connection between each and every thing and there are no lies there, so I think we are able to do that kind of thing without any hesitation.

That means that there is a single connection in terms of how you live your life.

Show: Right. I am not telling any lies when I am on stage. The way I live my life shows on stage. If I think that at least on the outside, I have to be everyone's prince, then it will just be a live show where some guy putting on airs is trying to do Visual-kei music. So rather, it's my attitude. It really is about how I live my life. The way I'm talking makes me sound like I'm in a punk rock band though (laughs).

alicenine. is a band where it is difficult to see the essence of that. When you first formed, people called you a band that only had good looks or an idol band, but since becoming A9, you all set down your instruments and actually danced like idols, so some people wondered what it was that you wanted to do. When you said earlier that there was a single connection, I feel like that is hard to communicate to other people apart from fans.

Show: I suppose so. alicenine. fans really are strong, to love this kind of rubbish prince.

I'm sure that fans were also asked things like "Who is A9?" and "Why are they dancing, even though they're a band?".

Show: And yet they don't get startled. I think the essence is communicated to the audience who come to watch us live now.

The bond between you and your fans has gotten stronger.

Show: Yes, I feel that way.

Even though you're a rubbish prince.

Show: It makes me want to apologise to them (laughs). Even so, we bare our hearts and face each and every person without lying to them, so that their lives can shine even brighter. That is all that I can say as alicenine.'s Show.

And so, "Let's become stars".

Show: Oh. I don't have any memories from lives around that time (laughs). That's why I have no idea why I blurted that out. I think what I meant was that we should head towards what is shining together and become happy.

So let's change the subject and talk about alicenine.'s single "Kakumei Kaika - Revolutionary Blooming-". Together with changing your band name back to the starting point, apparently there was a request from Saga to also write the lyrics in the same way you did when the band first started. What was it like to write lyrics in the same manner you did when the band first started?

Show: I had to write the lyrics while facing my past traumas, so it was difficult. These kinds of lyrics are about facing oneself. While mumbling all the time, I faced myself to write down the words, and since the writing style is about facing myself, it was really difficult. Since being able to work with major producers, they would always have requests like "Make this one a love song" or "Make this a song for the Winter", so the way I wrote lyrics too had also become mechanical. Writing lyrics in that way is easy. But what Saga requested this time was lyrics born from me facing myself, like the trauma I experienced as a child, so it was really difficult writing these lyrics. Even now I feel like throwing up when I see paperback books. I'm fine with Kindle, but I feel sick when I see paperback books.

Why is that?

Show: I think it's because when I was a kid, my parents told me to read books, so I was forced to read books to death. I still have memories of the Japanese literature that I read back then, so these things come out.

Literary words.

Show: Yes. People tell me "That's like an expression so and so would use", and I would go back and read it on my Kindle. Those words just pop out when I am writing lyrics while facing myself. Lately, I've been going to watch kabuki. Kabuki talks about life and death and the nobility of things that are not eternal, so it fit right in with my lyrics. I thought that my lyrics were similar to kabuki. With my lyrics, in general, someone has died. The same goes for kabuki.

Like double suicide.

Show: Yeah. That's when I thought that it's not wrong to say that we have a "blend of Japanese and Western styles" (laughs).

Where did the whole "blend of Japanese and Western styles" thing originally come from?

Show: At first, we were told by our company to decide on a concept, and while thinking "We don't have that kind of thing", I took lots of notes. As a result of all these notes, I forcibly said that a "blend of Japanese and Western styles" was our concept.

Forcibly?

Show: Yes, forcibly. I have this memory of getting angry at our manager at the time, saying that it was a blend of Japanese and Western styles, because we combined "アリス ("alice")" with "九號." and because the lyrics were in Japanese, even though it was rock music (laughs).

Were the lyrics for the coupling song "Sara Sousou" also written in the same manner?

Show: Yes. In terms of the sound, it is at the forefront of creativity, but to have these kinds of lyrics is awesome, right? "Kakumei Kaika -Revolutionary Blooming-" was written before watching kabuki, so after watching kabuki, I thought that my lyrics were really similar to kabuki. So these are lyrics I wrote without even thinking about it.

Even with the title "Sara Sousou", with that manner of writing, you easily wrote the lyrics.

Show: It just comes to me. As for the meaning, even I don't really know. There is a flower called shorea robusta (沙羅双樹 "Sara Soju" in Japanese) and the lyrics show the spiritual world of nirvana and paint out the process of one's soul being purified. The ending has the feeling of a ceremonial bonfire and becoming smoke to return to nature.

Going back to the way you used to write lyrics, the choice of words is really unique, and though beautiful, there is that view of life and death.

Show: Although as a businessman, I look at this and think "Is there demand for this?" (laughs). But there's no helping it, because this is what comes out when I face myself. I wonder if there is this much of a need for my individuality to this extent? When I was a child, I really did want to die and thought about that every day. Even though I told my juniors "Every time I look at my own face in the mirror, I want to die", they never believed me (laughs). But that my individuality and wickedness is brought out may just be the band's individuality. That's why I think that at least for the next release, I have to write in this manner and create something that will make people think that this band is amazing.

Now that you have returned to the name alicenine., what would you like to do going forward?

Show: It's a bit contradictory to my personality, which is a little businessman-like, but I would like to go all out with the creativity I have in this current mode and see where it takes us. I want to let everything out. Although this might lead to the creation of something grotesque.

#alicenine.#alice nine #alice nine translation #alicenine. translation #show #rock and read

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withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus · 5 years ago

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Sth that has been happening a lot to me since I got into visual kei and started interacting with other people who were into it is this (this might make some of you laugh or relate, hence why I am sharing xD, just in case I am able to raise some laughs in dark times. Maybe it’s funny only to me, though, fair enough xD, I tend to laugh with my own jokes so...I wouldn’t be surprised if that just looked silly to the rest of the fandom):

I will never understand why people, when we play silly fangirl games, tell me I’d look or be good with Byo. You know those games, you sure have played at least once when you first started being a fan or answered tests on fb about which member you are most likely to be with or who are you most alike xD. It’s been 8 years xD and whenever I am like yes let’s play this, most times people pair me with Byo (yes I occasionally still play this stuff, I am 5). There were times of course when your friends are nice and pair you with the person you are most into and there were times my friends actually thought I could match with my favorite one, but yeah xD.

I generally think I am fugly so when I play these games I play them very lightly, cause I don’t really think I could match with any of my favorites, cause both appearance and personality are meh, but it’s funny to me because I never said to anyone that I see Byo like that. I would love to have a brother like Byo for sure and there were times I talked a lot about him in front of a particular person but that was a) because that person liked him too and b) because I really admire him as an artist and also agree with several things he’s said in interviews or find them funny so yeah xD. My close friends know that even though I don’t talk much about him, Ikuma will always be first in my heart and then when I was asked about top 3s I always went Ikuma, Kazuki and Ruiza. This hasn’t changed through the years but when the games aren’t limited to my top 3 everyone says Byo. xD I played a game yesterday and I remembered it xD, I was like damn, every-single-time xD. And no one has given me a good reason why? I do act a bit like him sometimes, a friend used to call me Byo if I didn’t respond the first 3 times she called my name and I’d turn, but the fact we have similar humor and all doesn’t say anything. I have sth in common with all of my favorites. I mean if I was attracted to him, fine, but I never said I was. I guess it will remain a mystery xD. And I also remember one time, on my bday...a friend who was very close to me for 4-5 years that we hadn’t talked for a while at that time, on my bday, she sent me her wishes and a gif from Screw playing Gather Roses live when Byo was tearing his shirt open. At that moment I was like “Oooh bitch, that was a low blow, how dare you“, you know acting the fool cause I wanted to be nice, I mean she remembered my bday, but in my head I was like “....why Byo? xD I am not...oh man, there we go again“. And even the fb tests always said I was Byo or that I’d match Byo. And to be fair with you, I watch visual kei artists in my dream often, giving me courage when I am down or working with them and stuff like that and the first Screw member I ever dreamt of was Byo. Like, even my subconscious is against me xD. In fact I think I dreamt of him around 5 times before the others decided to show up. I don’t know. It’s started to creep me out. (no offense of course, Byo is a babe, just not my kind of babe. I have the same issue about that with Gackt, when I tell people who like him too that I can’t see him as/like a man they go “OMG ARE YOU FOR REAL?!“, even my sister who isn’t into visual kei has told me off for not being attracted to Gackt xD. I love him but not that way xD)

Side note: Sometimes I think I confuse people based on who I talk the most about but I do it instictively. When I was in junior high I was crazy in love with a guy and I was always talking about him, which had lead people getting bored of me, or friends struggling to find a subject to talk to me about besides him, so I think that, due to that experience, I chicken out from talking about those I don’t only admire but also am attracted to and turn it to someone that is somehow linked to them in my head. For example, I feel it’s easier to talk about Ruki than about Ikuma (when i first got into vkei many people compared them or called them twins so in my head, by talking about Ruki, I calm my need to talk about Ikuma), about Byo than Kazuki (cause same band) and for Ruiza I have no outlet so no one can guess he is my favorite D member unless we end up discussing about the band or sb notices how often I post his pictures compared to other members.

If you guys have sth like that happen to you, share, I’d love to see I am not the only one but well xD, I am in peace with the fact I am a weirdo xD. Who do your friends paired you with in such games? Your favorite or someone else? About those old vkei tests, I think sixth guns are more likely to have experienced this, like wanting a specific member and ending up with another xD. Although, after some time, if you had read enough interviews, you could get the member of your choice if you just followed the lines he had said. In Screw tests, for example, I knew who said what but I was trying to choose stuff I agreed with which often ended up giving me Byo by 1 point difference to Kazuki i think xD. For the Gazette games my results often pointed to Reita and I was wondering why xD. Cause I sure wasn’t picking his answers as often as Aoi’s (again by whether or not I agree with them, otherwise I would go straight to Ruki, I knew what to press to get there xD).

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natsunoomoi · 5 years ago

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Finished Main Story of SVSSS....

So yeah, I did that. I still really liked the story overall. Some parts are a bit problematic in a way, but also in a satisfying way that is complex and I think can refer to some real life relationships and complexities of that because not all relationships fit nicely into the little boxes and labels that we make and that’s my take away from the ending.

-Don’t like the in-story “original author” still, but also don’t dislike him as much as I did when I started the story now that I got more of his perspective. MXTX posted all of this for free not thinking it would go anywhere really, but it’s true that some people do have careers where they make a living off of their webnovels and fans buying chapters, so that pressure is there. I’m sure that because MXTX is also a fan of D. Gray-man, she’s aware of the similar pressures that even mangaka at JUMP face. Like BLEACH basically ended early because it fell out of popularity with the fans just as Airplane mentions happens to some novel works. To be fair, BLEACH also lifted an entire plotline from another popular supernatural manga including carbon copies of the lackeys of the villain for that arc, so some shade was also deserved. Like Yukio is just Amanuma Tsukihito with a PSP instead of an arcade system or Super Famicom. D. Gray-man itself has also been on hiaitus several times due to health concerns and such. Same as Hunter x Hunter and other prolific manga. The pressure is real and some ways the original author is kind of a mood. He’s also still a huge coward and that’s annoying.

-I feel worse for Shen Jiu than when I did when I was just reading his backstory off of the wikis and stuff from just wanting to see Shen Qingqiu’s beautiful face. Like I felt bad before, but after knowing more and witnessing some sentiments that would have been gut punches if Shen Jiu had heard them, I feel so bad for him. I don’t condone what he did, but I also get it and wish I could hug him. Basically about the same level of thought as I put into how much I like Emet-Selch, but I think overall in the end I love Emet-Selch more because the 5.3 patch update for FFXIV broke me. Man, that MSQ. Like I’ve never been opposed to liking villains and always thought some villains were cool. Like my sister worships Sephiroth from FFVII for instance, but like I was never really into Sephiroth’s motivations in that he’s cool, but his identity crisis didn’t quite strike me as like actually 100% believable that torching Nibelheim and trying to rescue Jenova was justified or a natural reaction someone in his position would have. I like him more than Cloud cuz Cloud is a hot fucking mess of a person and he’s overall just cool, but as a villain his motivations didn’t resonate with me. A lot of people also really liked Kefka because he’s just straight up insane and like chaotic evil, but that kind of evil just isn’t compelling to me. Emet-Selch though straight up broke me and I thought about him for like months after the initial end of Shadowbringers when you do the fight with Hades. His story is ripe with meaning and nuance and the Tales from the Shadows stories adding more nuance and color to his eternal living torture of seeing remnants of people he cared about constantly without a break or a way to really “forget” and heal. That just stuck with me because I’ve lost people in my life too, and I remember what that was like and how hard it was to even live the day after let alone the following few years. I remember it well even today because it fundamentally changed me as a person, but I was able to find some relief and escape from music and entertainment and going out to have new experiences and travel. Emet-Selch could not, so his story really broke me internally. I bring this up just to make a comparison because I love Shen Jiu as well, but for nowhere near as dramatic a reason as I love Emet-Selch.

Spoilers under the cut

Okay, so since I was just talking about Shen Jiu, and maybe it’s partly because I actually find him to be gorgeous as well, but just reading his story did genuinely make me sad. I found his child form to be a little bit jaded already only because he was an older child already by the time he was bought by the Qius. When Yue Qingyuan was parting with him through the door he was being kind of manipulative there for extra sympathy initially, which isn’t really great. How severely the brother beat him though was hard to take. It was so extreme, like wtf? And perhaps the part where Qiu Haitang said that he’d been “freed” and the part where he was engaged seems to be true-ish, but yeah her brother is kind of really fucked up in how he still talks to him even though he is supposed to be his brother-in-law soon? Like what the hell. But like, the summaries of what he did online and even what Haitang had said also made it sound even more cold than it was. Like once he got going yeah, the onslaught was kind of cold. But he still had a moment of shock where like he didn’t really realize what he’d done right away and needed a moment to process. But after that it was like, well, it’s already done and people came to try to help the young master and he had to get out too. So the other people on the way out after that don’t sound nearly as consequential and it was really striking that not only did he not attack Haitang, but he spared all the other women in the house. Like Jesus Christ, were *ALL* the men in the house including the male servants and other slaves they had assholes to him too? Just, wow. But we don’t get a lot into what else happened there, but if the head of the household is bad and hurts him, it’s believable that other people join in just as Ming Fan joined in because Shen Jiu was complicit in allowing Binghe’s suffering. Really key though is the commentary of both the young master and his first evil master about his age.

That is such a huge chip on his shoulder because everyone keeps bringing it the fuck up. Including Qingge in another memory later on when he’s already Peak Lord. I know they don’t like each other, but that was really mean. I realize Qingge probably doesn’t care and that was the point to throw salt in his wounds because they don’t like each other, but seeing how much it affected him by him breaking his fan with his hands after hearing that. I’ve had people do similar to me where they make an insensitive comment to try to hurt you without understanding the actual circumstances. My sister did that to me once and I reconciled with her for a bit, but decided not to talk to her anymore again because of some other bullshit with her friends being childish. But when she did similar to me, I never really forgave her for it either. My story is not nearly as dramatic, but basically I had quit a job where I was being bullied by coworkers at the start of the recession and I was looking for jobs, but no luck with anything I was qualified for even though I went on a few interviews. There actually weren’t many listings posted around that time, so I would only be able to find a couple to apply to and by the time my sister came home I’d be playing games to pass the time cuz I was bored out of my mind waiting for something to happen. So then we got in an argument for I forget the initial reason anymore, but she brought up how I “wasn’t looking” for a job and just seemed to be “being lazy” and I just got so pissed and yelled at her that she had no fucking idea what I was doing everyday and that I am looking and there isn’t anything fucking there. I also lost it and threw a stool at her. I’m not proud of it, but I totally get the mood of what it feels like for someone to use something that you are struggling with as a negative to throw in your face even though you are trying *SO* hard to do your best. I especially don’t want to hear that from someone who gave up on their desired career that they were actually good at and making a decent living at for money and also can’t tell when their friends are kissing up to them and crossing a line and won’t stand up to them for being shitty people. Teapot meet kettle, and don’t throw stones if you live in a glass fucking house. I don’t like low blows like that.

My personal family issue aside though, I felt a lot of empathy for Shen Jiu in that moment. Seeing how he interacted with Binghe on their first meeting after that though, like I was sad for Binghe too, but I can also see where his misunderstanding happened on top of his insecurity. I also kind of wonder if Qingge’s comment also kind of encouraged this situation to happen. I still like Qingge because he makes up for it a lot later, but yeah that was fucked up.

The gut punch later was when Qingyuan was seemingly dying and tried to apologize to Qingqiu, but all the words and the things Shen Jiu needed to hear. His years of misunderstanding and not knowing and being in pain and thinking he was abandoned. That was painful. Shen Jiu is gone. We don’t know where he is. Maybe he’s dead. No idea, but those are things he can never know. It’s already too late, and that’s crushing.

I still just really want to know more about Shen Jiu and I feel really sad that there wasn’t some kind of redemption for him or anything. Even if it’s like Shen Yuan going into the recesses of his own mind and finds Shen Jiu locked in a box somewhere so actually the both of them share the same body and he’s just watching in a tiny TV what Shen Yuan does with his body. He’d be really frustrated and would probably scream at him a lot with his screams completely unheard, but at least he’d get to see people liking him more and would be able to hear the words that Qingyuan spoke. I mentioned in an earlier post that I saw a theory about OG Qingqiu transmigrating into Shen Yuan when Shen Yuan takes over his body, and I think that’s possible because Shang Qinghua says that when he transmigrated he was born there and was since a baby? I was thinking maybe it’d be more like OG dies when OG Binghe kills him and then becomes Shen Yuan, but who knows.

I mean, also I just crave more information about him. He’s so unfortunate, and I like wish more went right for him so that he wouldn’t be so miserable. Like when you see a character where their life is just shit on, you just wish that you could do something to take away their pain.

And with that sentiment, that’s also why I found the ending to be satisfying but probably a little problematic. Like Shen Yuan is just a good guy and he has that same sentiment for Binghe just because he’s a poor kid with a shitty hand in life, but he’s also like really clearly not gay himself and not actually attracted to Binghe in that way. To be clear, the book does seem to discourage this kind of relationship in that it works in the way the narrative unfolded, but it isn’t one that would work in real life really. That’s part of the depth of it though. Like SY emotionally cares for him and he even remarks that he feels kind of more like his Dad, but the physical side of their relationship is more on Binghe’s side than his, and he acquiesces to it because he feels bad for him because this poor child has no one. And yeah, fine this works in an actual book that we’re all reading and this works within the system within the book where the MC is in a book himself with really screwed up logic rules, but I don’t recommend this method of getting with someone you like in real life. It will not end well. If someone you like is not into you, emotionally manipulating them and crying and also stalking them until they give their body to you out of desperation to console you is not the road to happiness. You also won’t have a pressure timer of life on earth ending by combining with actual hell to push them into bed with you. The fact that SY resorts to this in desperation in order to try to help Binghe to get control of the demon sword is admirable in the narrative of the story in that he’s doing it because he cares so much about this person and that’s fine, but it’s a red flag if anyone did this IRL and put their wishes aside to appease someone else. There will be a breakdown in the future as one person puts aside their needs for the other one completely. Partnerships that work are healthy and equal. That’s not what this is. In the story, the two characters have an understanding though that makes it fine, but I have second-hand anxiety for the idea that anyone would try to replicate this. This is not normally healthy.

But at the same time, the fact that the characters have an understanding to that is unique to their personal choice is also realistic in a sense that life is sometimes complicated and a similar situation could come about, but it is the choice of the people involved. With constant communication there’s a slim chance that maybe it could work out, but it’s hard. The main level of complexity I’m thinking of is that there’s different ways to care about other people or rather to just feel about other people. Like you can have like an intellectual attraction to other people in that you just like talking with them and you’re good friends with them because of that. You can be romantically attracted to someone, but also not feel sexual attraction too. Of course you can also feel physical attraction to someone, but not really care at all about them emotionally or even intellectually. SY has emotional feelings for Binghe, but it’s more on the parental side or even just human in not wanting him to suffer. If this were a points meter, his values for his emotions and just caring about him would be at max, while physical attraction and even romantic attraction are basically zero. Like he also just like cares about him in principle? Like as an all seeing reader you look at everything and are just like, wtf with this shit? How can one person suffer so much? As empthy or even sympathy you feel for them so then if the other person is more not asexual or aromantic that can trigger some feelings which is what happened between these two characters. The reason I say it isn’t necessarily bad, but some shakiness on execution too. But like say like an asexual person is romantically attracted to someone who isn’t asexual, but they still want to be with them. Like the non-ace person has some needs sometimes and even if the ace doesn’t feel it, because they care about their partner they acquiesce to their partner’s requests because they just want them to be happy. This kind of very personal choice situation I think is really similar to basically what ends up happening between SY Qingqiu and Binghe where SY isn’t really interested, but at the same time cares about Binghe’s well-being so much that he actually just wants him to be happy and reluctantly is okay with the situation. IRL though Binghe would be REALLY FRUSTRATING to be so unreasonably needy and like narcissistically abusive in wanting him all to himself an isolating him from his friends and being jealous of them. In comparison, Wangji and Wuxian are a great deal more balanced in comparison, but I also really like this book for the original idea and the complexity of SY’s ultimate choice because I feel like it’s also a bit more real that some people do make that kind of choice. It’s not healthy or guaranteed to be a success or happy experience, but it’s in the realm of possibilities for the kinds of personal choices people can make because the other person’s happiness is worth the minor discomfort.

Ah, I just have a lot of thoughts about this. Part of it stems from myself being ace also and what that means for me. But also getting to the end, I think Qingge is a fellow ace and also similar to me, just serious about his job and loyal to his crew.

I’ve read some of the extras obviously, but I haven’t delved that deeply into the extra materials.

Oh also, I laughed so hard when Mobei-jun just tossed Shang Qinghua over like a chicken. It said like a chicken and it was hilarious. XD Like imagining that panicked sound of hucking chickens in Ocarina of Time.

Oh and ho-shit the alt punishment system came up for SY Qingqiu for screwing up his points. Got to live through half the process of becoming a human stick very painfully.

I guess part of me is still kind of just wondering how Binghe grew to be SO needy. It’s to an unnecessary degree, but I guess without any real emotional or social guidance in the Endless Abyss that could happen?

Zhuzhi-Lang though is a really frustratingly annoying character, but I also like him at the same time. I’m confused by him.

The only other thing I’m like confused a bit about is like, so the 4 sects that are depicted with Cang Qiong Mountain being the top one are like the great four sects, but like...where are they? I’m just asking because of the kind of meta general landscape of what cultivation and Taoism is like some of the events that happen I would think actually would call down some interference from actual Heaven. Like in the classic lit, whenever there’s huge disturbances down in the Human World, like the Heavenly Palace and like the Jade Emperor are like, “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” and go send people. I find it really hard to believe that such a disaster as the combining of two realms would be ignored by the armies of Heaven and like Nezha, Erlang Shen, and other notable actual deities up there would come down and be like, “The fuck you guys doing down here with these shenanigans?” Also, Journey to the West is like one of the most like influential books in the canon of Chinese lit and is regarded as literally one of the Four Great Classics. But none of these fools in these “great four sects” know how to stamp a floor and call up the local deity to tell you what the hell is happening in Jinlan City instead of sending your disciples to die? Sun Wukung did that at like every damn city and then also threatened to beat them if they like weren’t doing their job properly. Those minor deities are on the payroll for Heaven, so like...use them? Like I feel like they would know this too because like the ultimate goal for cultivation is to be able to become an immortal and end up on the payroll? I know Qingqiu is supposedly like mid-level or something, but like I think they should like know-ish where they’re going? Like in the future they would become one of those minor gods making records? Are they like not high enough to even talk to them? Maybe not, but I do think like Nezha, Pagoda Bearer Li, or Erlang Shen would definitely come down and be like, “Hey, what’s going on?”

Also like, Shen Jiu isn’t a great character and how he treats his disciples is bad and what he did was bad. But like, also, what is the standard to judge him really? Like Nezha was a dick when he was a child too. When he was 3 he went to a river and was swimming and liked killed all the fish and then a dragon prince came out and was like, “WTF? Why are all the fish dead?” and then Nezha instead of answering him kills him and guts him and then takes his tendon home to turn into a belt. Then like his Dad gets a complaint from the Dragon King like, “Hey, my son is dead! Your son did it. Hand him over so I can kill him or I destroy your town.” So then Nezha’s Dad goes to talk to him and is like, “What’re you doing?” And then Nezha answers him and tells him exactly what he did like it was no big fucking deal that he killed the local Dragon Prince and made him into a belt. Obviously there’s an argument and like Nezha basically rage quits his life and is like, if you’re so concerned about this bullshit I return this body to you and kills himself to cut off his ties to his parents. He was a rude little shit. Then he went into his Mom’s dream and threatened her until she built him a temple so he could get prayer requests until he could be reborn again. His Dad found out and wrecked the temple, so then he went up to go find his master who had him be reborn using lotus flowers. After that after being reborn, Nezha’s first order of business was to go back to his family and try to kill his own father for fucking up his temple and chased him down EVERYWHERE until other powers in Heaven, decided to send down Nezha’s older brothers with a pagoda to give to their Dad that would trap and burn Nezha everytime he tried to murder him. Is this better or worse than what Shen Jiu did? This is an actual god that people worship. A quite prominent and very famous one. Nezha is also one of my favorite deities and I had a huge crush on the Nataku from Fujisaki Ryu’s Houshin Engi manga who has mostly the same backstory as deity Nezha, and I just loved him in high school. He was a good guy. What are the standards here people? I don’t think anyone in any story in China can really judge someone like Shen Jiu doing an understandable level of murder as a response to trauma and severe abuse when they worship a deity that suffered nothing and tried to commit patricide and had a severe disregard for other life. In the cultivation world, potentially, this could be their future boss. I think arguably, he could be worse than Shen Jiu, but he’s a canonical real deity.

The above tirade for me is like a thing I feel like I would have said if I was in the position to be alive in Jinlan City and wanted to defend Shen Qingqiu cuz WTF.

Further, I’m a huge fan of Jigoku Shoujo and Enma Ai did much the same after her cousin saved her from being sacrificed, the villagers found out, buried her a live, made her cousin help bury her alive, and then she came back as a vengeful spirit and set the whole village on fire and killed everyone except maybe her parents who had their souls as prisoners by Enma himself? Can’t 100% remember. But like, on the scale of characters I like that have done terrible things, Shen Jiu is actually relatively low and under some people that are good guys.

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drdougdouglass · 6 years ago

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Religious Bigotry in Presidential Politics: 8 Things Every Voter Should Know about the Intolerance of a Leading Democrat Candidate for President [Video and Poll]

Craig Huey May 1, 2019 Government, Congress, and Politics, Politics Leave a Comment

Religious intolerance and bigotry are increasing in America…

Faith-bashing and shaming is becoming popular among leading candidates for president.

The latest is Democrat Pete Buttigieg (pronounced Budda-judge) – who has already raised $7 million and is polling in 3rd place behind former Vice President Joe Biden and Sen. Bernie Sanders.

Here are 8 things you should know about what he has already said – what his lies and distortions are … and what the truth really is:

Pete Buttigieg viciously attacked Christians as hypocrites.

In a “Meet the Press” interview, Buttigieg criticized evangelicals who support President Trump by saying, “Here you have somebody who not only acts in a way that is not consistent with anything that I hear in Scripture or in church, where it’s about lifting up the least among us and taking care of strangers, which is another word for immigrants, and making sure that you’re focusing your efforts on the poor.”

“We see the diametric opposite of that in this presidency … Even on the version of Christianity that you hear on the religious right, which is about sexual ethics – I can’t believe that somebody who was writing hush money checks to adult film actresses is somebody they should be lifting up as the kind of person you want to be leading this nation.”

He viciously attacked Vice President Mike Pence for his Christian faith.

At an LGBT fundraising event, Buttigieg attacked Vice President Mike Pence – an evangelical Christian – for signing the Religious Freedom Restoration Act of 2015 while he was Governor of Indiana. The law protects the freedom of religious expression and conscience of businesses and employees.

Buttigieg believes Pence’s support of President Trump can only be explained in one of two ways: “Either he abandoned his religious principles in order to be part of this campaign and administration,” he said, “Or he has some very strange sense of destiny, that God somehow wants this in order to get somewhere better, which I think does very little credit to God…”

In a further frontal attack against the Vice President, Buttigieg proclaimed this about his same-sex marriage: “My marriage to Chasten has made me a better man – and yes, Mr. Vice President, it has moved me closer to God. And that’s the thing I wish the Mike Pences of the world would understand, that if you’ve got a problem with who I am, your problem is not with me. Your quarrel, sir is with my creator.”

Pete Buttigieg twists the truth about religious freedom … freedom of conscience … and the rights guaranteed in the First Amendment.

He said, “I hope that teachings about inclusion and love win out over what I personally consider to be a handful of scriptures that reflect the moral expectations of the era in which they were recorded…”

“Our right to practice our faith freely is respected up to the point where doing so involves harming others,” he continued, “One of the problems with RFRA [the Religious Freedom Restoration Act] was it authorized harming others so long as you remembered to use your religion as an excuse.”

Of course, he doesn’t specify how he believes the Religious Freedom Restoration Act harms members of the LBGT community. Certainly he’s not talking about physical harm – which is the type of harm prohibited by scripture against those practicing an immoral lifestyle.

Buttigieg preaches a lie about God, homosexuality and Scripture.

He twists truth and scripture to suit his own opinions – as do socialist and progressive Christians…

He criticizes Trump’s past. He decries his talk and tweets. But he ignores the clear teaching of scriptures he doesn’t like. For example:

The scripture that says marriage is between a man and a woman (Matthew 19:3-8)

The scripture that teaches homosexual behavior – like other sexual sins – is wrong (Romans 1:18-32; 1 Corinthians 6:9-11)

He believes in killing the unborn – even children born alive, if they were meant to be killed before birth.

He believes in denying freedom of conscience and freedom of religious expression to Christians who oppose celebrating sexual immorality of any type.

Pete Buttigieg proclaims he is a Christian – and a better one than most.

During a recent Q&A at an event in Austin, Texas, Buttigieg said, “…I try to live a life that is consistent with Christian teachings. I know that it is my responsibility not to ever do anything that would in public life, not be equally beneficial or make as much sense to people of another faith or people of no faith. But in my life I believe in that Christian ethic, the idea that was drilled into me in Catholic school even though I’m no Catholic, I’m Episcopalian.”

At the same event he questioned whether Vice President Mike Pence truly believes in Scripture.

Pete Buttigieg knows Scripture and theology.

He studied Catholic liberation theology doctrine in high school and college. Developed mainly by Latin American Roman Catholics, liberation theology emphasizes liberation from social, political and economic oppression as the essence of Christian salvation rather than worship of God, confession of sin, and trust in the redemptive death of Jesus Christ on the cross coupled with His bodily resurrection.

At Harvard, he wrote a thesis on the Puritans. He was a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford.

His father attended seminary in the 1960s, intending to become a Jesuit Priest … but instead became a secular intellectual.

His mother was “attached to the Episcopal faith,” but didn’t attend very many services.

At Harvard, Buttigieg was influenced by a prominent scholar who traced American exceptionalism to the Puritans of New England. “You can’t understand America without understanding the Puritans,” Buttigieg says. “In many ways, we’re still living out their legacy in ways that are good and bad.”

He says he looks for inspiration from people who have put their faith into action, such as the Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. “As we talk of the need for a religious left, we should remember that the black church has been [putting faith into action] for quite some time,” Buttigieg reminds.

When he speaks to a Christian audience, he selectively quotes Bible verses about caring for the poor and the sick.

Buttigieg isn’t looking for tolerance of his homosexuality or homosexual marriage. He is looking for total acceptance.

He wants to use the power of government edict to force acceptance of his lifestyle – whether people like it or not.

If elected, he would be the first homosexual president … and his same-sex marriage partner would be the first same-sex spouse in the White House.

Pete Buttigieg is trying to lead the Democrat Party to include Christians – and be the Party that’s anti-Christian, anti-family and anti-First Amendment rights.

“I think it’s unfortunate [the Democratic Party] has lost touch with a religious tradition that I think can help explain and relate our values,” Buttigieg says. “At least in my interpretation, it helps to root [in religion] a lot of what it is we do believe in when it comes to protecting the sick and the stranger and the poor, as well as skepticism of the wealthy and the powerful and the established.”

Watch this analysis of Pete Buttigieg’s far-left beliefs and policies by news commentator Laura Ingraham (about 7 ½ minutes).

youtube

Finally, let’s be clear about Evangelicals and support for Trump/Pence….

As I said in “Are Christians Hypocrites? 10 Surprising Realities About Christians and President Trump“, Evangelical support for Trump is based on policy only.

It’s not based on his rhetoric. It’s not based on his past – or even present – behavior. It’s not based on anything about Trump as a flawed person – or on whether or not he’s a real Christian.

It’s based on his policies that reflect Biblical truth … and non-negotiable Christian values:

He is the most pro-Israel president ever.

He is revolutionizing the Judicial branch with strict constructionist judges … not judicial activists – including 2 new Supreme Court Justices … and over 100 lower court appellate judges.

He is the most pro-life president ever.

He has done more to protect religious liberty than any other president ever.

He has done more to protect the persecuted church around the world than any other president ever.

In addition, he has restored our economy, increased employment – especially among minority groups – increased wages … and promoted entrepreneurship and innovation with massive deregulation and business tax cuts.

When he needs to be called out, we will call him out.

But when he enacts good policies, we rejoice and should say thanks without apology.

We choose policy over personality.

We choose key non-negotiable issues over articulate platitudes and talking points.

We choose action over empty promises.

This is not hypocrisy. This is respecting promises made, promises kept.

As president of an ad agency, I like taglines…

I suggest the following tagline for President Trump:

“He’s a doer, not a dreamer.”

What do you think? Email me at [email protected]

Mayor Pete is NOT at the Top of my list of favorite candidates.

Both his vaulting ambition and shocking low standards concern me greatly.

But if he gets the nomination, he's got my vote.

The thing I like about him the MOST is how he seems to be terrifying all the Right People.

#pete buttigieg

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ambssssssssss · 6 years ago

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I Was Made For Loving You

Summary: A series of moments missing from the finale, before the time skip, beginning with Juliana's reaction to Val's interview.

Part 1 of Eso Es Amor

Word Count: ~6300

Read on AO3

I’m not into labels, but it’s true I’m in love with a woman and her name is Juliana Valdés.

I’m in love with a woman.

I’m in love with a woman named Juliana Valdes

Valentina’s words rang in Juliana’s ears like a broken record on a loop, barely audible over the beating of her heart in her ears. She had done it. Valentina had faced her fears. Juliana knew Val was scared about their relationship being brought into the limelight and Juliana understood. The Carvajal family had had enough scandals to last a lifetime, and that was just the ones the public already knew about. Juliana could only imagine what would happen if the media found out about the whole transmigration of souls that had happened. Valentina had already suffered so much in so little time, losing her father and then gaining him back only to lose Lucia, who Juliana knew Valentina cared for as much as she did her father. Juliana didn’t want to add to the stress Valentina felt, even though it hurt to not be with her. Juliana could deal with a little pain as long it meant Val would be okay.

Valentina’s words pushed Juliana’s pain away as easily as a feather blows in the wind, twisting her emotions and spinning them around until Juliana could feel only warmth. Valentina admitted she loved her, she faced the country and stood tall. Juliana knew what Val was really doing by appearing on TV, not just making Juliana’s wish to announce their love to the world come true, but Valentina was telling Juliana that she was ready. She bared herself to the world while placing her heart in Juliana’s hands. Juliana promised herself right then that she would protect Valentina’s heart with everything that she has.

“I can’t believe she did that,” Lupe said, reminding Juliana that her mother was sitting beside her and had also heard Valentina’s confession. Juliana looked at her mother and saw a wide smile splitting Lupe’s face. Her eyes danced with mirth as she turned to look at Juliana. “I told you that girl was serious about you.”

“Ma,” Juliana groaned but she couldn’t hold back her own grin. Before she could say anything, her phone beeped in her pocket and Juliana shifted a bit so she could pull it out.

Val: Can we talk? <3

Juls: I”m on my way. XX

“I’ve got to go,” Juliana said, standing up quickly and shoving her phone back in her pocket, “Val wants to talk.”

“Wait, wait one second,” Lupe pulled on Juliana’s arm to get her to sit down again. Once Juliana was back on the couch, Lupe shifted so she and her daughter were face to face. “Before you go, I want to tell you how proud I am of you. I know I didn’t understand what you felt for Valentina at first, but I do now. I’m so proud of you, Juliana, for letting yourself be loved the way you deserve to be.” Lupe pulled her daughter into a hug, squeezing her shoulders tightly. “I love you, mija.”

“I love you, too, Mom.” Juliana kissed her mother’s cheek before pulling back. Lupe offered her a warm smile, brushing her hand through Juliana’s hair before dropping it to her arm and squeezing.

“Now, go tell that girl how much you love her.”

Juliana smiled, hastily throwing on her jacket and grabbing her phone and keys, leaving her mother on the couch as she left their apartment. Valentina was waiting for her, and Juliana didn’t want to waste any more time.

Chivis answered the door when Juliana knocked, ushering the girl in with a kind smile and directing her too the pool area before she could even ask where Valentina was. Juliana nodded her thanks and moved to step pass Silvina, stopping when she felt a hand on her arm. Juliana stood still as Silvina’s eyes bore into her own, searching for something. She seemed to have found what she was looking for and a few seconds later she released Juliana’s arms.

“Take care of her.” Chivis stepped out of the way so Juliana could continue further into the house. She didn’t encounter anyone else as she walked which surprised her. She thought she might run into Guille or Eva or even Jacobo but it seemed Valentina was the only Carvajal home. Juliana followed the familiar path to the pool, her steps slowing slightly as Valentina came into view.

She stood by the edge of the pool, one arm crossed over her chest as she absently pulled at the tips of her hair. She worried her bottom lip between her teeth, blue eyes unfocused as they stared at the unmoving surface of the pool. She looked even more beautiful than she had on the television and Juliana took a moment to just look at Valentina. This was the Valentina she fell in love with, open and caring, the Valentina who was learning to live with the pain she felt. The Valentina who taught Juliana that it’s okay to let people in, to be open to love.

Just as Juliana is about to call out to Val and announce her presence, she glances up and their eyes meet. Juliana can see Valentina’s shoulders rise sharply as she takes in a deep breath, a nervous grin making its way across her lips. “Juliana,”

“Val,” Juliana isn’t sure who moved first but finds that she doesn’t really care because a moment later the distance between herself and Val has closed. They fall into the embrace, clinging to one another tightly, as if they’re afraid the other will disappear if they let go. “Val,”

“Juls,” Val’s voice comes out in a low whisper to match Juliana’s tone, spoken into her hair, “Juls, I-”

“I know.” Juliana pulls back slightly so she can look Val in the eyes. “I saw your interview.”

“I’m sorry, I should have told you I was going to do that. I wasn’t planning on saying your name on live television but I couldn’t stop myself.” Valentina shook her head slightly, looking down to avoid Juliana’s gaze.

“Val, no, don’t apologize.” Juliana kept her voice soft as she lifted one hand from Val’s waist to cup her face. “Val, hey, mírame.” Their eyes met again as Juliana’s thumb traced a pathway on the skin behind Valentina’s ear. “I’m not upset about what you said.”

“I meant every word.” Valentina whispered, leaning into the palm caressing her face. “I need you to know that.”

“Yo sé, Val,” Juls sighed softly as she pressed her forehead to Val’s. “I’m so proud of you for facing your fears like that. I know you must have been scared.”

“I was, at first, scared that I was making a huge mistake or break us beyond repair,” Valentina admitted, “but I’m not anymore. Not with you here, with me.” Valentina’s eyes feel closed and Juliana hummed as their noses brushed together. She could feel Val’s breath against her lips with each exhale, their bodies so close together Juls could feel their chests rising and falling in tandem. “I think I can do anything, as long as I have you.”

“You’ll always have me, Valentina.” Juliana promised softly. “You were right, about all of this being meant to be. Too much has happened for it to be a coincidence. This,” Juliana stroked Val’s cheek until she opened her eyes again, “this is destiny. You can never break us beyond repair, because I was made for loving you, Valentina, and that’s what I’m going to do for as long as you’ll let me.”

Valentina’s hands gripped Juliana’s waist softly, holding her as close as possible and feeling her heart stutter in her chest at Juliana’s words. She could see the truth behind them in her eyes, the certainty Juliana felt that matched Val’s own, wave for wave.

“Te amo, Juliana,” Juliana smiled as the weight of Val’s love settled on her shoulders like a warm blanket on the coldest night, warming Juliana to her core.

“Te amo, Valentina.” She felt Valentina release a shuddering breath as her arms tightened around Juliana’s waist. “Te amo, mi amor.”

They leaned in at the same time, eyes falling closed as their lips met. Juliana pressed her closer to Valentina, pouring every ounce of love she felt for the girl holding her into their kiss and feeling every bit of it returned equally as Val held her tighter. They kissed without shame, without fear of being caught, without the weight of Juliana leaving or Valentina holding back to keep Juls safe hanging over them. It felt like the first time they kissed, in the pool not even five feet away. It felt like a new beginning, a promise that they would face everything else the world had to throw at them together.

“I want to be with you, Juliana. I love you, more than anything, and I want the world to know.”

“I thought we already covered that part?” Juliana teased, grinning as Valentina rolled her eyes. Juliana couldn’t help the giggle that slipped past her lips but she kept anymore from following as Val met her gaze again.

“No,” Val whined slightly which made Juliana smile wider, “I mean I want to be with you, Juliana. I want to face whatever comes next with you by my side. I want you to be my girlfriend.” Valentina’s smile matched the one Juls wore. “I’m asking you to stay with me, por favor. Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Si, Vale,” Juliana answered without hesitation. “Of course I’ll be your girlfriend!”

Valentina’s smile shone brighter than the sun as she hugged Juliana close, making her new girlfriend release a surprised squeak when Val suddenly picks her up and twirls her in a circle. They’re both laughing as Val sets her back on her feet, steadying her with a hand on her waist. They kiss again, sloppily as their lips refuse to stop smiling and laughter continues to rise from their throats.

“I hate to interrupt,” a masculine voice called out as a two more people entered the pool area with the couple, “but I think congratulation are in order.”

“Thanks, Guille,” Valentina smiled at her brother and Renata. She and Juliana turned to face the other couple, Val’s arm sliding around Juliana’s shoulder as Juls left hers around Val’s waist.

“I’m glad to see you happy again, hermanita.” Guille offered her a smile before his gaze turned to Juliana. “She’s a handful, Juliana. I hope you’re ready.”

“I am,” Juliana said, laughing when Renata elbowed Guille in the side for his teasing.

“I’m so happy for both of you.” Renata stepped closer and pulled Valentina into a hug while Guille did the same to Juliana, switching a second later.

“I’m glad Val won’t be alone when we leave.” Guille said, leading the group back into the main house.

“Leave? Where are you going?” Juliana asked as they sat on the couches in the living room, her hand finding Val’s as she sat down beside her.

“We’re taking a vacation,” Guille smiled at his girlfriend, “travelling for a year and seeing where we end up.”

“Sounds exciting,” Juliana could see that both Guille and Renata were overjoyed just thinking about their trip.

“It is, but with Jacobo leaving, Eva in prison and Mateo moving out, it’ll just be little Vale here all by her lonesome.” Guille winked at his sister who rolled her eyes.

“Something tells me she won’t be as alone as you think.” Renata whispered, low enough that Val and Juls wouldn’t hear her. Not that they were paying attention to what Renata was saying, they were too busy having a silent conversation of their own. Renata could see that Val had clenched her jaw slightly, her eyes losing some of their glow. Juliana squeezed Val’s hand softly, not looking away until Val nodded.

“So when does your trip start?” Valentina asked as her silent conversation with Juliana ended and she turned to look at her brother and Renata. Juliana kept her gaze focused on Valentina for another moment before turning as well.

“We’ll leave in the morning,” Renata enformed them with a smile, “all of my bags are packed into one of the cars already, Guille will add his in the morning.”

“So soon?” Juls asked lightly, eyebrows raised in curiosity. Guille and Renata looked at one another for a moment before shrugging slightly.

“We’re just ready for a break.” Juliana nodded in understanding, leaning back into Valentina without pushing for more information. Valentina had relaxed slightly as Juliana pressed against her, but here eyes still had a far off quality to them.

“Well, then, we should do something tonight. Just the four of us.” Valentina spoke up, “if you guys want to that is. Maybe just dinner and movie here?”

“That sounds perfect, Val.” Guille smiled at his sister, watching as she nudged her nose against Juliana’s hair softly. She was happier than he had ever seen, and Guille knew he had the woman sitting beside her to thank for that, but she also seemed sad. There was something on her mind, Guille could tell, but she didn’t want to talk about it. Guille hated to see his sister sad and hoped she’d open up to Juliana. Watching them together, Guille was sure Juliana would be ready and waiting whenever Valentina decided she was ready to talk things through, offering his sister a shoulder to cry on and all the comfort in the world. It made him happy to know he wasn’t leaving Valentina all on her own, otherwise he wouldn’t want to leave.

Valentina felt like she was living in a dream, too good to be real. Juliana was here, always close by, anchoring Val to her by their joined hands or linked arms. She could Juliana’s warmth beside her as they stood in the kitchen with Guille and Renata, waiting for dinner to finish cooking. Valentina felt like it was the first time they could really be together, openly. There was no one there to judge them when Valentina wrapped her arms around Juls’ waist to hold her close, no one threatening them as they stand close together and get lost in the love they shared. Valentina felt like a piece of her life had finally slotted into place, filling a space Val hadn’t known was empty until she met the girl in her arms.

It still didn’t feel real as she and Juliana curled up together on the couch to watch whatever movie Guille and Renata picked. Even with Juliana’s warmth pressed against Val’s chest, their bodies positioned on the couch so they could lay side by side, Valentina securing Juliana by wrapping both arms around her and holding her close, Val had trouble convincing herself she wasn’t dreaming. That she wouldn’t wake up at any moment, alone in her bedroom with only her thoughts for company. That she hadn’t lost everything, all over again.

Valentina didn’t think she could survive if she lost Juliana, too. Not after losing her father, gaining him back, and then losing him again as he left to embrace his second chance. Not after watching her step-mother die on the lawn, then confronting her murderer seconds later. Not after watching her sister being escorted out of the house, her hands cuffed together and a police officer on either side of her. She couldn’t take anymore heartbreak, not now. She wasn’t sure her heart was completely back together yet in the first place, anymore loss would shatter it into a million pieces. Valentina didn’t know if she would ever recover from something like that and it terrified her.

“Val, amor,” Juliana’s voice pulled Valentina from her thoughts and she hummed in response. Guille and Renata were in the process of standing up from the other couch, blinking wearily as their gaze shifted to look at the two women. “What’s wrong, love?”

“What? Nothing.” Val surprised herself with how rough her voice came out. She shook her head slightly and tried to focus her gaze on Juliana. Absently, Val realized the tv screen was black once again. “I’m fine.”

“You’re crying,” Juls whispered, turning in Val’s arms so she could wipe her tears away. Valentina’s eyebrows rose in surprise as she registered the moisture on her cheeks.

“I - I don’t-” Val sat up slowly and wiped at her cheeks. She hadn’t noticed when she started crying, but judging by how damp her face felt, it must have been happening for a good while. “I don’t know wh-”

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay,” Juliana sat up as well, cupping Valentina’s face as her lower lip started to tremble. There was movement behind her, someone coming closer then stopping suddenly. That was followed by retreating footsteps and Juliana knew Guille and Renata had left them alone in the living room. Tears fell from faster from Valentina’s eyes and she squeezed them shut. Juliana reacted quickly, maneuvering their bodies so she could hold Valentina against her chest. “Val, shh, tranquila, mi amor. It’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

Juliana’s heart clenched painfully in her chest as Valentina released a gut wrenching sob, clinging to Juliana tightly. Her shoulders shook as she cried, Juliana whispered soft words comfort in her ears, stroking her hair, her back, her arms, anywhere she could reach. She knew Val hadn’t really been paying attention to the movie. Initially, Juls had thought Val had fallen asleep until she felt warm drops of liquid falling into her hair. Juliana silently chastised herself for not realizing Val was upset earlier, for not insisting they talk about everything that had happened. She should have known Val would think about it and start spiralling.

Slowly, Val’s shoulders stopped shaking, her breathing started to come evenly again. She sniffled against Juli’s neck and pulled back to wipe at her eyes. Juliana waited until she was sure Val was okay enough to speak, tenderly brushing her hair behind her ear with one hand.

“Lo siento,”

“No, Val, don’t apologize.” Juliana shook her head, rubbing her thumb against Valentina’s cheekbone. “Just tell me what’s upsetting you, por favor.”

“Nothing, everything, no sé,” Valentina sighed heavily, “honestly, I didn’t even realize I was crying until you said something. So much has happened, I don’t even know where to begin.”

“What are you feeling right now?” Juliana asked softly, her soft stroking of Val’s cheek never faltering.

“Tired,” Val admitted, “scared.”

“Scared?” Val nodded, leaning into Juliana’s palm. She found Juliana’s free hand with her own and locked their fingers together. “Of what, amor?”

“That this isn’t real. That I’ll wake up and be alone. That everyone I love is gone or leaving and they won’t come back.”

“Oh, Val,” Juliana whispers, scooting as close to Valentina as she can and wrapping her in her arms. Her mind goes back to their last conversation, standing in Juliana’s kitchen in an awkward limbo between wanting to be together and actually being together. She remembers the fear in Valentina’s eyes when Juliana mentioned Chino’s threats. Valentina’s insistence that nothing mattered more than keeping Juliana and her own family safe. Safe meant alive, safe was supposed to mean together, except it didn’t. For Valentina, safe meant staying away from the woman she loved. It meant isolating herself, encouraging her family to do what was right for them because Val’s heart is so big and loving, she can’t stand to see the people she cares about suffer. She knows Val’s biggest fear is losing the people she loves, she’s seen how loss affects Val and the dark places she’ll go to cope.

“Val, you’re not alone, you’re not going to be alone.” Juls promises in a low, soothing tone.

“I am alone, Juliana. My step-mom is dead, my father’s gone, my sister being sent to prison and my brother is leaving. I know I can’t change what happened to Lucia or what’s happening to Eva and I could never deny my dad the second chance he so desperately wants. And I can’t hold Guille back from following his true love, not when I know I would do the exact same thing if you wanted to travel the world. I know all of that, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less knowing that my family is leaving me behind.” Valentina’s tears have started falling again and she wipes at them angrily, pulling out of Juliana’s arms to stand. She makes her way over to the window and looks out across the dark lawn. She crosses her arms of her chest, covering her mouth with hand and holding back the sobs that try to escape her throat again.

Juliana approaches her slowly, unsure if her girlfriend wants to be touched any more. It breaks her heart to see Valentina in so much pain, especially like this. This is the kind of pain that can’t be shoved off or dealt with easily. This is more than emotional pain, it’s a deep ache that Juliana thinks has probably been building for months and Valentina just can’t hold it back anymore. Valentina is hurting right down to her very soul and Juliana feels powerless to help her. She feels tears well up in her own eyes but refuses to let them fall. The last thing Val needs is a reason to ignore her pain and Juliana knows that’s exactly what Val will do if Juliana sheds a tear on her behalf. Instead, Juliana takes a deep, steadying breath and steps up behind Valentina.

Their height difference is not as pronounced as it was earlier, now that they’re both barefoot. Juliana slowly circles her arms around Valentina’s waist, giving her time to move away if she doesn't want to be held. She almost expects Val to step away from her, but she’s glad when Val does the opposite. As soon as she feels Juliana’s arms around her again, Valentina turns to face her. Her head falls to Juliana’s shoulder and she nuzzles into her neck, tucking against the crook where the neck and shoulder meet. Juliana feels the skin there grow damp with tears.

“I’m here, Val. I’m not going anywhere, okay? I promise.” Juliana holds her girlfriend tight and can feel Val nod against her neck.

“Te amo.” Juliana feels Valentina whisper the words into her neck and she kisses Val’s head. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

“No, Val, don’t-” Juliana shifts back and uses one hand to cup Valentina’s chin, trying to get her to look her in the eyes. Blue eyes fall shut instead - “Mírame, Val, por favor,” Juliana requests softly, waiting for Valentina’s eyes to open. When they finally do, Juliana is greeted by the clearest, brightest blue she’s ever seen and something in her breaks because she knows Val’s only shine in that way when she’s upset. “Valentina, I need you to promise me something, okay? Promise me that you won’t ever apologize for how you feel.”

“Juliana, I -” Valentina sounds like she wants to protests but Juliana cuts her off.

“No, Val, listen to me,” Juliana’s unable to stop the tears in her owns eyes from falling but she ignores the wetness on her cheek in favor of cupping Val’s face with both hands. “I know you, Val, and I know how you hide what you feel to make everyone around you happy. You don’t ever have to do that with me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me. Please, Val, let yourself feel. You can cry and scream and yell, you won’t scare me off. I’m here and I love you and I’m not going anywhere.”

Valentina seemed stunned by Juliana’s words, her tears falling silently and being instantly wiped away by the pad of Juliana’s thumb.

“Let yourself be loved, Valentina.” There’s a ghost of a smile that pulls up the corners of Valentina’s lips. Juliana’s words take her back, before everything with transmigration happened and Val lost so much again. It was a simpler time then, just Valentina desperately wanting to take care of the girl she cared so much for. She can see the same desperation she felt that day so long ago reflected in the deep brown of Juliana’s eyes now.

Overwhelmed by the turmoil of emotions still rolling in her heart, Valentina can only nod in response. She finally uncrosses her arms and hugs Juliana back, hands slipping beneath the jacket Juliana wore to hold her closer. She feels Juliana press a kiss to her shoulder, a mumbled declaration of love is whispered against the skin of her neck. There’s still an ache in Val’s chest, a sense of hurt and abandonment that can’t be healed so quickly, but Val knows it won’t last forever. Not with Juliana around to love her so fiercely.

This, Valentina thinks, this is why we’re meant to be. Because Valentina can’t imagine ever loving or being loved in return by anyone else in this beautiful, scary, all-consuming way. She feels as if everything in her life had lead to this moment. All the pain she suffered and joy she experienced, every single thing that happened in Valentina’s life, happened so she could end up right where she was. I was made for loving you. Juliana’s words from earlier rang in Valentina’s ears like a phoenix song, lifting her spirit and helping dry her tears.

Juliana isn’t sure how long they stand there, wrapped up on one another. The sun had faded over the horizon sometime during the movie and Juliana couldn’t be bothered to keep track of the time when Valentina was in such a state. Both of their cheeks are dry, wet patches on shirts and red-rimmed eyes leading to tear-streak cheeks the only evidence left behind of their tears. Without realizing it, Valentina matched Juliana breath for breath, their chests rising and falling in tandem. She almost doesn’t want to end their embrace, but she knows it’s probably getting late and she doesn’t want to assume Juliana will stay the night just because they’re officially dating now. She knows that the comfort of Juliana’s love with linger, even if the girl herself leaves for home. Secure in that knowledge, Valentina inhales deeply through her nose and then slowly lifts her head off Juliana’s shoulder.

“Gracias, Juliana.” She says softly, knowing Juliana will understand that she’s thanking her for more than holding her, for more than what she said before. Juliana smiles at her, warm and bright and Valentina can’t help but lean in to kiss her. The dance their lips perform is still new, still almost hesitant at times, but each kiss they share thrills Valentina. Juliana’s embrace feels like coming home. “It’s getting late,” Valentina says when they pull apart again, pulling her phone out of her pocket to check the time and ignoring the numerous notifications that fill her screen.

“Do you want to go to sleep?” Juliana questions as she slides her hands up and down Val’s arms. Valentina hummed softly and nodded her head.

“I guess your mom is expecting you to be home soon?”

Juliana shook her head. “I texted her before we started the movie,” she explains, her smile growing as Val grins at her. “I told you I’m not going anywhere, unless you want me to.”

“I want you right here,” Val winds her arms around Juliana’s waist, “with me. Always.”

“Then, that’s where I’ll be.” Juliana loops her own arms around Valentina’s neck. They rested their foreheads together, taking a moment to breathe each other in. They were together, finally, truly together. Although they didn’t speak, a promise was made in that embrace, a promise to hold on, to fight for what they had because it was beautiful and worth fighting for.

Valentina kissed Juliana’s nose, making her giggle, and then took her hand and lead her up the stairs and into her bedroom. Juliana shed her jacket and hung it up next to Val’s while the girl herself dug through her drawers for two sets of sleep clothes. She handed Juliana a pair of grey sweatpants and a light red t-shirt and offered the bathroom to her first. Juliana smiled as she took the clothes, grabbing Val’s wrist and pulling her in for a kiss for no other reason than Juliana wanted to kiss her. She pulled back and ducked into the restroom, changing and brushing her teeth before stepping back into Val’s bedroom. Val has already changed into her own pajamas and stands at the foot of the bed, frowning at her phone.

“Val, is everything okay?” Juliana asks as she takes a seat on Val’s bed.

“It’s fine,” Val locks her phone and turns to plug it in to the charger, “nothing that can’t wait until tomorrow.” Val pauses as she turns back around, her breath momentarily getting caught in her throat. It’s not the first time she’s seen Juliana in her clothes, not by a long shot. They’d been exchanging clothes for weeks, months, even, but it feels different this time. Maybe it’s because it isn’t Val’s friend Juliana wearing her clothes. It’s Val’s girlfriend. Her girlfriend, Juliana, wearing her clothes and sitting on her bed, looking at Val with curious and amused eyes. “Make yourself at home, I’ll be right back.”

Valentina can hear Juliana giggling as she ducks into the bathroom and Val leans against the door. She takes a deep breath and releases it through her nose. There’s still turmoil in her chest, but it doesn’t feel like it’s going to consume her anymore. It’s present but less and Valentina knows she’s going to sleep peacefully, if only because she knows she won’t be alone. Knowing Juliana is waiting for her, Val quickly completes her nightly routine and steps back into the bedroom.

Juliana lays on the side of the bed closest to the bathroom, the side she ended up on the last time she stayed the night. She’s looking at something on her phone but glances up as Val steps fully into the room. There’s a smile on her lips as Val turns out the lights and climbs into bed beside her girlfriend. Valentina can see the moment Juliana starts to panic slightly, unsure how to situate herself. The last time they shared a bed, they weren’t thinking about what they should or shouldn’t do, they just did what felt right. Valentina offered Juliana a comforting smile as she moved closer. Her head came to rest on Juliana’s chest and she draped an arm over her waist. Her nose pressed against the skin of Juliana’s neck and nuzzled closer. Juliana’s arms shifted beneath her, curling around her back as her other hand tangled their fingers together over her stomach.

“Sueños buenos, chiquita. Te amo.” Valentina punctuated her words with a kiss to Juliana’s neck. Juliana kissed her forehead in return.

“Duerma bien, mi amor.”

The light had returned to his sister’s eye, Guille noticed the next morning as she and Juliana came down the stairs together. He wished them both a good morning and gestured for them to join he and Renata for breakfast. The four of them made idle chit-chat for a little while as they ate, Val and Guille trading teasing jabs in between bites while Juliana and Renata rolled their eyes at their respective partner.

“Have you checked your phone today, hermanita?” Guille questioned towards the end of the meal. “From what I’ve seen, you caused quite a media storm.”

“Better a storm than another scandal,” Valentina said and pulled out her phone. Juliana leaned over to look as well. “The girl who stole the Carvajal Princess’s heart, Mexico wants to know: Who is Juliana Valdés?” Valentina read the headline out loud, scrolling briefly through the first of several articles on the topic.

“You’ll probably be expected to make a statement sometime soon,” Renata said, “with Groupo Carvajal or another media outlet.”

“I still can’t believe you came out on national television,” Guille said, “that took a lot of strength.”

“I had to do something,” Valentina’s hand found Juliana’s under the table, “it was going to come out anyway, I just thought it was better to do it on our own terms.”

“I’m glad you did it,” Juliana said and squeezed Val’s hand, “now the whole world knows you’re mine.” Valentina blushed but leaned over to kiss Juliana anyway while Guille and Renata laughed.

“You don’t think it’s crazy?” Valentina asked after pulling away.

“Oh, it’s completely crazy,” Juliana smiled, “but I’m still glad you did it.” Valentina kissed her again.

“Well, mi amor, the car is already packed. Are we ready to go?” Guille asked as they finished eating. “We don’t want to miss our flight.”

“Where are you guys headed first?” Valentina asked as she and Juliana stood from the table to walk Guille and Renata out.

“Rome,” Renata answered, “I’ve always wanted to see the Coliseum, and then maybe Paris or London. We haven’t decided yet.”

“You’ll have to keep us updated, and send lots of pictures.”

“We will, hermanita, I promise.” Guille slid his sunglasses down over his eyes as the two couples made their way out of the Carvajal mansion. Valentina and Renata walked a bit ahead of the Juliana and Guille, talking excitedly about all the places they wanted to visit some day. “I need to ask you something before I go, Juliana.”

“¿Que?” Juliana looked at Guille curiously as they paused at the top of the steps leading down to the long driveway. “What is it?”

“Don’t break her heart.” Guille kept his gaze on his sister as she spoke. “I’ve never her seen her so happy, she’s been so full of life since you came into her life, and I don’t want her to lose that again. I know she can be stubborn and impulsive, but she deserves the world, Juliana, and she wants to share that world with you. Please, don’t break her heart.”

“I won’t,” Juliana placed her hand on Guille’s arm, squeezing lightly. “I love her, Guille, more than I thought I would ever love anybody. I will do everything that I can to show her that every day. She means the world to me, I’ll never break her heart, not if I can help it.”

“Then, I guess there’s only one thing left to say,” Guille turns his head to look at Juliana and smiles, “welcome to the family.”

“Gracias, Guille.” Juliana squeezes his arm again and they step down to where their girls are talking.

“It’s time to go, Reni.” Guille says and then he’s immediately pulled into a hug by his sister. He hugs Juliana next and then takes Renata’s hand as they begin to walk away, promising Val and Juls that they’ll take care and have a great time.

“Hey,” Juliana said as Valentina wrapped her arm around her shoulders, reaching up to link their fingers together, “you okay?”

“Yeah,” Valentina answered, leaning her head against her girlfriend’s. She felt Juliana’s arm wrap around her waist and pull her closer, Val’s grin stretching into a full-blown smile. “I have you, right?”

“Always.” Juliana whispered, capturing Valentina’s lips with her own when she turned her head. Valentina smiled into their kiss, her free hand falling against Juliana’s hip. Juliana’s tongue swept across her bottom lip and Valentina released a low moan.

“So, what should we do now?” Valentina asked, her eyes darkening. “I mean we have the house to ourselves, now. It’s big, empty, quiet…” Valentina trailed off, raising one eyebrow provocatively as Juliana stared back at her.

“I’m sure can make some noise,” Juliana murmured, maneuvering her hand beneath Val’s top to caress her stomach. Her fingers trailed slowly across Val’s abdomen, feelin the muscles quiver beneath her touch. Valentina kissed her then, slowly, their tongues dancing together in a heated twist. Juliana could feel her desire growing, reflected back at her in Valentina’s blown pupils.

“Shall we take this inside?” Valentina asked lowly in Juliana’s ear, kissing the spot just behind her lobe.

“Lead the way, mi amor.”

Valentina pulled Juliana forward by the hand, pressing up against the front door once it closed behind them. They stumbled up to Valentina’s room, kisses growing more heated and hands wandering. Distantly, Juliana hoped they’d be able to clean up the trail of clothes leading from the door to the bedroom before Chivis arrived, but then Valentina had pushed her onto the bed, straddled her hips and started kissing a path down Juliana’s neck to her chin and Juliana’s only thought was of Valentina. Their bodies pressed together, skin to skin, finally reconnecting on the most intimate level.

Each touch set Juliana on fire, Val’s fingers pressing into her and pulling her closer and closer. She lost track of the outside world, her mind consumed with Valentina, her touch, her kiss, her groans, the way she trembled as she came undone beneath Juliana. Valentina reveled in each sound Juliana released, every gasp and groan and moan spurring her on. Juliana clung tightly to her as she found her release again, Valentina’s name escaping her lips in a breathless moan.

They collapsed onto the bed together, limbs jelly-like and spent. Their bodies were slick with sweat but they didn’t mind as they cuddled close together, trading lazy kisses as their bodies came down from the high they shared.

“Te amo, Juls.” Valentina a whispered, nuzzling closer from behind and dropping a light kiss on the back of Juliana’s neck.

“Te amo, Val.” Juliana replied sleepily, tangling her fingers with Val’s over her stomach and scooting back further into her girlfriend’s embrace. Valentina held her tight, basking in the afterglow of the love they shared.

They had come so far, and still had so far to go, but Valentina knew that this was the start of her happy ending, and she wouldn’t want to share it with anybody else.

#juliantina #juliantina fanfic #eso es amor: juliantina one-shot collection #my fics

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norahastuff · 6 years ago

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I’ve been asked a few times “Do you think Destiel is going to be canon?”, and though I’ve kind of addressed it on replies to posts and stuff before, I guess it’s time I should answer it directly. Or as directly as I can anyway, which with me involves a lot of rambling and tangents :L

I’ve loved Dean and Cas’ relationship from the beginning. It was complex, intense and fascinating. They are both rich, well crafted characters and their interactions led not only to a very interesting dynamic developing between them, but also to more nuance in their own individual characterisations. However it wasn’t until 9x06 that I started to see their relationship as romantic, or at the very least, as having strong romantic undertones.

Don’t get me wrong, there were many times before that, when watching scenes between them that I raised an eyebrow and thought hmm alright then...actually I’ll list some of them:

4x21 - the scene in the junkyard with Dean and Cas staring at each other for like a solid 30 secs or so.

5x18 - Dean making sexual comments to Cas and then winking at him? That was a major eyebrow raise.

6x20 - Basically the whole thing. It was very much framed as a break up and even if you weren’t looking at it romantically, the longing and heartbreak were clearly evident from beginning to end.

7x17 - The montage of Cas getting his memories back, which was essentially a Destiel fanvid. Dean keeping Cas’ trenchcoat the whole time Cas was gone and then wordlessly presenting it to him. I now know there was some additional dialogue that was cut, but to me that scene works perfectly. Cas is overwhelmed by the memories of all his mistakes suddenly flooding back. He can’t cope with the pain and guilt, so Dean pulls the coat out of his trunk. Earlier with Emmanuel, Dean admits that he can usually get past loss and betrayal, but there was something different about Cas and he just can’t understand what it was. And yet, he kept the coat. The look that they both share when he pulls it out of the trunk conveys perfectly that they know how significant this one action is.

(Okay this got long so I’ll put the rest under a cut)

8x07 - Dean thinking he’s hallucinating Cas. The conversation Sam and Dean have, after he thinks he’s seen Cas in the middle of the night outside his window. The conversation that Dean and Cas have that keeps getting interrupted.

8x17 - I mean come on. Being forced to kill thousands of copies of Dean. Breaking out of mind control while gripping his wrist and pleading “I need you”...yeah...

8x22 - Dean being mad at Cas. Cas being sad and forlorn about Dean being mad at him. The two of them just gazing into each others eyes, Sam looking between them and then loudly coughing to get their attention. I actually remember having to pause the ep because I was laughing so hard at this scene.

8x23 - Bar convo, cupid, m/m couple at the bar.

Honestly I’m sure there were more, that is just the stuff I definitely remember that struck me on my first watch. And still even with all that, I didn’t really consider their relationship romantic. I think to me it was an intense ambiguous thing with a certain “je ne sais quoi” about it (sorry I can’t think of a better descriptor for how I thought of it.) It wouldn’t have surprised me if someone told me they were romantic, but it also wasn’t something I was actively thinking about, and since I was watching the show in a vacuum - I didn’t know anything about it at all before I started watching, and didn’t look up anything about it to avoid spoilers till I had caught up - I didn’t really consider it very much.

And then came 9x06.

From Dean rushing out the door as soon as he got Cas’ call, to him standing outside the Gas n’ Sip intensely watching Cas through the window. Dean is so happy and excited to see Cas, but Cas...his face when he’s suddenly confronted with Dean is hurt, surprised and disbelieving all at once. It’s obvious how heartbroken he is by Dean forcing him to leave the bunker. There’s a very clear ‘’here comes my ex who dumped me and i’m mad at him but still not over him” vibe running through this whole scene.

Then there was their pre-date car scene and the much sadder post-date one, where Dean asks Cas “where to?” and Cas just looks at him and gets in the car. Not to mention the final one in the morning when they say goodbye. Everything unsaid is just hanging in the air, it’s very clear that neither of them want the other to leave but that they also both know they have to. And just when you think, alright - it’s over, you see Dean sitting in the car watching Cas walk away into the store.

As a sidenote: I’m not really a shipper, romantic relationships or the desire for them is never really going to hold my interest for too long in any tv show. For some people it’s really important and it’s what they enjoy the most, which - great! That’s exactly the point of fiction, or any art really, to take what’s meaningful and enjoyable to you from it. I’m not against romance or anything, it’s interesting to explore all kinds of different dynamics and if a romantic relationship is serving that purpose, both for these characters and their individual growth while still being engaging - that’s great.

This was a beautiful and layered episode in many ways, and I loved it immediately, not only for the Dean and Cas stuff but for everything else too, particularly what it said about Cas’ own personal arc and his feelings about what it was to be human. It wasn’t that I watched this episode and was suddenly 100% focused on Dean and Cas being in love, and the show tilted on it’s axis for me or anything. It was genuinely just “oh alright then, I guess the show is actually just writing them as romantic.” It was an interesting but not too surprising revelation for me. In my head Dean and Cas went from a fascinating ambiguous dynamic I enjoyed watching, to a fascinating low(mid) key romantic dynamic that I enjoyed watching. I seriously thought that’s just how they were supposed to be seen and how the show was presenting them. It wasn’t till later when I caught up on the show and looked it up that I even realised there was any kind of debate about this, let alone outright denials.

Ok I’ve rambled for so long now - what does this have to do with canon destiel you may rightly ask? Well I watched this episode, and the fact that Dean and Cas’ relationship was portrayed as romantic was blindingly obvious to me. Misha has revealed in interviews that Jeremy Carver, the showrunner at the time, instructed him to play Cas as a “jilted lover”.

Now people can read that whole passage I’ve written as to why this I see their dynamic as romantic in 9x06, and still claim, “well I don’t see it that way, they just seem like good bros to me”, to which I say ok cool, you don’t see it, but I do. So if I watched that episode and saw them as romantic and later discover that is how they were playing it - how is my interpretation wrong again? I was watching the canon unfold on screen in front of me, exactly how I was supposed to.

And that’s still where I’m stuck on all of this.

I have no control over or knowledge of how their relationship is going to play out. I suspect there’s never been some huge grand plan in the works, and that any plans there have been for Sam, Dean or Cas’ arcs, whether individually or otherwise, have been (and still are) constantly subject to change - which is a good thing. You don’t want any writers to doggedly stick to a stale endgame they decided on years earlier, even if it no longer seems to service the characters as they exist in their current state and place in the story *cough HIMYM*

I just know that there has been a wealth of canon that emphasised the romantic elements present in crafting Dean and Cas’ relationship, and I never doubted that I was seeing them as they were meant to be seen. Including, but not limited to: 9x06, Metatron telling us to pay attention to the subtext in Meta fiction (after which Dean and Cas smile softly at the sound of each other’s voices on the phone), colette parallels, 11x18, Ishim/angel in love with a human/dean being Cas’ human weakness, mixtapes, I’m going to say that again - mixtapes, intense grief arcs or climactic reunions set to rousing soundtracks.

I do truly hope they explicitly address the romantic nature of their relationship in some way in text. I don’t know how/when/if they will, but I do hope so. However, am I supposed to dismiss everything that comes across as romantic to me just because it has not been consummated? I have no agenda, I wasn’t reading into anything or trying to see something that wasn’t there, again I was simply just watching the canon unfold. Not to mention the first time I did see something as unquestionably romantic, it turns out I was supposed to be seeing a “jilted lover”.

This all exists. The storylines/tropes/parallels, the reasons that Dean and Cas come across as romantic to so many people are there.

And they exist regardless of TPTB’s intentions of exploring Destiel as an eventual textual development.

And since I have no control over how their relationship is going to play out, I’m just going to continue watching it, and everything else on the show, exactly the same way I was before I started being told that I was wrong or that it isn’t enough.

#destiel #canon destiel #my spn thoughts #this got super long #feel free to ignore it #just thought i should at least write it down once #9x06

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trustonlylokiposts-blog · 6 years ago

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Diagnosis: Chapter 2

Stark Tower and Nailing an Interview: chapter two.

I said my goodbyes to Koda and summoned an Uber, they smelled better than Taxis and I wanted to impress my interviewer. My long brown hair was pulled back into a neat pony tail, I wore a black blouse and a black pencil skirt, a green silk shawl, a modest silver necklace. I opened my phone and checked my messages, a few friends from the clinic I used to work at had all spammed me with questions, apparently I should have elaborated on where I was going to interview, and who I was going to work for. And who I was going to be my patient, or patients. I was excited

Trust me, I’ve never felt this excited before. I mean, practicing medicine for the Avengers, that’s insane.

I also had a few concerned texts from my mom after I had told her what happened the night before. Coming from a small town in Utah meant that we never had to worry about cat calling, potential rapists. I reassured her I was fine, and that Koda does a fantastic job of keeping me safe. As we neared the tower the driver broke the silence, “Stark Industries? What kind of secretary are you going to be?” I snorted, “Actually I a medical doctor. I am applying to be the Avengers on staff physician.” After a moment of really awkward silence, “Oh, my apologies doctor..” We pulled into the entrance and I stepped out, waving goodbye and rating him at a salty 5 stars. I stepped inside and walked to the front desk and cleared my throat, a women with a tight platinum blonde bun looked up at me. She plastered a fake smile and asked how she could help me. I explained that I was here for an interview for The Avengers physician. I let her scan my ID and take my picture which she printed off and put inside a little clip labeled “visitor”

I made my way to an elevator and followed the directions on which floor to head to, as the elevator made it’s way up the tower I began to feel slightly nervous, this kind of job sounded amazing, what if a more competent physician applied? I knew I was brilliant and was known as a prodigy, (not to toot my own horn) But for an opportunity like this, there had to be all kinds of amazing doctors applying. The elevator opened and I stepped out, woah. I was greeted to something I would expect in a high end Penthouse. A large open room with tall windows that boasted an excellent New York view, near the windows were several luxurious couches and loves seats, to my left was a bar that had more high-end liquor than the entire state of Utah could ever allow in a single building. “Ah, look at that our young doctor appears!” I was fairly surprised to see that it was Tony Stark who greeted me, I stepped forward and shook his hand with a warm smile, “My name is Doctor Julie Stirling, it is my absolute pleasure to meet you, thank you for this incredible opportunity.” Stark grinned at me and lead me to the bar and pulled out a stool for me then sat down and gestured for me to follow suit, which I did while trying my best to keep my jaw from hitting the floor. “Can I offer you a drink? Water, tea, coffee, I wouldn’t recommend alcohol this early, but you do you.” I chuckled and declined his offer as I pulled out of resume, cover letter, and a list of my references and their recommendations and admirations. Tony skimmed through the information I handed him and let out a low whistle. “29 years old and already such an incredible physician, young, brilliant, capable, a genius among men! You remind me of myself” Stark added with a chuckle, “I did hear that you abruptly left your previous job while cursing your employer out. Care to elaborate on that?” I bit my lip and felt embarrassment rise through me, “I.. It’s not like me sir, he is a very disrespectful man and I had enough. I knew my skills and knowledge were going to waste and I couldn’t stand being belittled anymore. Trust me when I say I am very professional and my bedside manner is excellent I-“ Tony cut me off with a wave of his hand, “Trust me I know about Doctor Wallis, that creepy old man has brought nothing but complaints from the people I’ve asked. Plus hey, I need something with the backbone to stand up for themselves. You’ll be working with some thick headed assholes, myself included. I need to know you wont be pushed around when it’s unnecessary.”

Tony looked through my resume once more and added “You are young, and you don’t have as much experience under your belt as the other applicants but.. That might actually prove useful. I need a fresh mind, something who is willing to take a step into medicine that may be more complicated than what other doctors have studied and worked with. And reading about your incredible track record of absolutely blowing away the universities you studied under I am certain that you learn quickly, and you’re fast on your feet too.” We talked for a little longer, Tony explaining how things generally worked around the tower, “Most of your responsibilities are focused on the Avengers, however if needed I will have you tend to Stark employees as well. However they all have their own doctor they see when necessary. I guess you’re just a backup when needed. But I don’t think it would come to that, plus you will have enough on your plate anyway. With keeping up with the team and building your understanding of erm.. Otherworldly beings, Dr. Banner is also adapt in medicine and is incredible and will work along side you when it comes to finding things that can keep up with different physiologies and metabolisms.” Tony stood and motioned for me to follow, “I like you kid, come with me, I’m thinking I want to hire you. But I need you to meet someone first. He has been so gracious as to agree and let us heal him. He allows us the possibility to understand Asgardians and well.. He has no choice to be here and isn’t quite healthy enough to do much about it anyway.” I followed Stark through a set of doors and was led down a hallway and through another set of doors, I raised an eyebrow when I noticed what looked like two SHEILD agents guarding the entrance. Stark breezed past them and opened the doors and walked in, I followed closely but halted when I noticed a hospital bed, connected to a few IV’S and a heart monitor was the one and only Loki. He was propped up on the bed reading a book. He was pale, way paler than he was when he was last seen on TV. His hair was an absolute mess and while he seemed tired he also gave off the vibe that he was still not to be messed with. Stark cleared his throat and introduced me, “hey Prince of Jokes, we have someone who might possibly be tending to you. Say hello!” Loki looked at me and I felt myself tense, How in the actual hell am I suppose to take care of him?

“Hello, worry not mortal, I am under very direct orders not to cause chaos, else I am thrown back into my cells on Asgard which would not be pleasant due to my current condition. It appears that aiding Thor in stopping the Dark Elves from destroying everything and consequently being stabbed by a kursed blade only earns me a break from my imprisonment on Asgard, to one here. To be a test subject for idiot Midgardians to use their barbaric technology to learn how to heal their precious Avengers.”

Tony rolled his eyes and said “Don’t worry, Thor was able to get some direction to help heal him, under these special circumstances it would be difficult to keep him from dying without a little Asgardian aid, they have provided strong drugs to give his body the energy and… Cider?” “Seidr” Loki cut in, “Seidr, anyway, that is some of what we have running through his veins right now. His body heals at an incredible rate but what went through him on that strange elf planet puts up a lot of fight. Combining drugs that keep his energy from draining we can allow him to do most of the healing on his own. What you will be doing is keeping a stable eye on his vitals and pain. We do have very potent pain killers for when he needs them. Trust me you’ll know. You think he’s a prick now? Wait until his ouchie is hurting, he’ll bitch at you until you either decide to give him the precious drug or kill him.” Loki rolled his eyes, “I would hardly call it bitching, if you even could fathom the amount of pain I am forced to endure while under the mockery of mortals you would be irritable as well.”

I looked Loki over then looked back to Tony, “I think I can handle him, at least as long as he continues to be relatively harmless.” Loki sneered but said nothing, Tony clapped his hands together. “Yes! Okay, I am going to offer you this job. For the foreseeable future Loki is your main concern. Keeping his pain under control, his healing on track and making sure his bandages are changed and infection is avoided. He may be ‘godly’ but he still is vulnerable at the moment.” That earned an insulted scoff from Loki that Tony promptly ignored, “Thor was told that Loki’s estimated healing time should be a month if everything goes smoothly. After Loki is healed we will go from there. Oh, because you are our on sight physician I have provided a modest apartment here at the tower. Your home will be located on the same floor as the handful of Avengers who live here. Thor is off and on when it comes to being here on earth, but you’ll get to know Natasha Rominoff, Clint, Bruce, Steve, and of course myself.”

Over the next couple hours I was given a thick stack of nondisclosure forms, another thick stack of pretty much everything that Tony and I had discussed before, a bunch of notes on dealing with Asgardians, more specifically wounded Loki, an in-depth description of my salary, paid time off, and work related perks. I was given a set of keys and taken down to what was called “Avenger’s floor” I walked to the end of the hall with one of Stark’s employees, she was a bubbly redhead who seemed super pumped to be here at all times. “Here is your home!” She opened the door and waited for me to enter before following me. “You have two bedrooms and two bathrooms, a full bathroom with the master bedroom, and a half bathroom in the hallway.” Alex, as she had liked to be called stood in the center of the large room. To my right the apartment dipped down slightly into what would easily be a modest living room, tall windows that made me feel a little light-headed reminded me of how high up I was. Although you really did get a killer view from up here, and there were massive grey curtains that I could pull over if I needed to. To my left was a large dining and kitchen area, it was also very open, it already had a dining table that could gracefully seat six people. Behind the table was a rather cozy kitchen, I didn’t need anything fancy, in fact this really was more than I was expecting. Alex let me take it all in before leading me down the hall, the first door on the right she opened and gestured for me to follow. “This is the guest bedroom but could easily be a study, or anything you want really.” The room wasn’t small, but not overly huge either. I didn’t expect to have many guests so a study would be really nice. Alex made her way out of the room and guided me to the next door, “and here we will have the master bedroom.” I stepped in behind her and looked around. This room had to be about half the size of my old apartment. It had a nice window that let in sunlight and fresh air without making me feel like I was going to fall to my death. I walked to the end of the room and opened a door to find a master closet, “Huh, don’t think I have enough clothes to come even close to fitting in here.” I laughed to myself but Alex tilted her head, “aren’t doctors supposed to be rich?” I really laughed this time, “yeah, but not starting out. I’m in debt up to my eyeballs. My last apartment was pretty much a cement box.” My preppy tour guide shrugged and opened the door to reveal my bathroom. A freaking Jacuzzi tub sat at the far end of the room under a beautifully arched window, gorgeous white curtains were tucked back. I took in the sight, a large walk in shower, a complicated looking toilet.. A Bedit? And a marble sink blew me away.

Alex left me to explore the rest of the apartment on my own, there was really only the guest bathroom left anyway, and while it was a nice bathroom, it’s just a bathroom. Tony had given me a week to get myself moved and settled in, then it would be time to work. I was actually pretty proud of myself for convincing Tony to allow me to keep Koda, (it was less “convincing” and more me telling him that I am a package deal and Koda comes with me.) I had to show him every ribbon she’s earned, ever certificate and proof of vaccines. But he agreed and I was excited to bring Koda on this new adventure with me.

#Loki Loki fic Loki x Female OFC Avengers fic

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migleefulmoments · 7 years ago

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Did I make her mad?

I seem to have ruffled Ajw’s feather. I left her a message- always anon or she won’t read them. I know this because used my username for years and they are ignored. So here we are with a LONG response to her answer.

It started here: The CCers tried to change the history of Darren and Mia *you can read their entire exchange here*

But here is the part I was responding to:

ajw720

Agreed light bearding started April 2011, heavy bearding when they moved her to LA in Fall 2012. In between I do think they considered other, more famous options but went with her as she is the only person that they could “prove” pre-C. And the CC relationship was their major obstacle and the thing they knew they had to hide to make D straight.

This being said, the article is WRONG if they are following the PR narrative that says they started to date in June 2010 and that is what the “7 ½ crazy and adventurous years came from.” A narrative that was spun in 2015.

M herself would love to claim college as she is desperate to say Not Alone is about her.

So yes, it is likely they “met” in college, but I doubt it was more than a night out at a bar at most.

So I asked her:

Come on, you know there are several public pics of M and D together before his "Blaine' audition hair cut. IDK if you have been in a serious relationship but how it works is you start out seeing each there occasionally and then as you get closer and fall more in love you start doing more and more together until you get married. Being in a long distance relationship means that can all take a little longer. Going out more publicly AFTER she moved & over time is how that works.

My responses to her comments are in Italics:

Dearest Michigan,

I really do make an effort to ignore you and your nonsense, but I just could not resist. I know on your blog you have questioned my credentials, well I must say, I question yours and I highly recommend you enroll in a grammar school level reading comprehension program. I have two master’s degrees and undergrad from Michigan, but thanks for the advice. First, who is disagreeing that they knew each other pre-g/lee? That is a fact, a fact i state often and frequently and no one that I have encountered here who has any knowledge refutes this fact. Yet you keep repeating this like we are unaware, both in this ask, and in your absolutely comical analysis of the handshake completely based on the the false premise that we think this is when M&D met. Please stop putting words in our mouths and READ critically.

Well let me leave just a couple of receipts as to why I keep saying that:

This exchange on 11/20 regarding the Trevor Live 2012 video that they have claimed over and over shows Michael introducing Mia and Darren and Darren shakes her hand. I proved that is not what happened here .

1. flowersintheattic254

I’ve never seen this video before and wondered if anyone else new here had? Apologies for putting her on your dash, but it’s useful to have a gentle reminder that this is and always was a business arrangement. Watch them shake hands under the watchful eye PR at Trevor 2012 and D proceed to ignore her. #because most people shake hands with their SO right 9/

2. Anonymous asked:

So glad theTrevor clip exists. That’s my go to when people ask for proof. They had been “together” for 2 yrs. Question on the timing. Does this coincide with the “confirmation” date when D was so upset in Canada?

ajw: Hi anon, this was December, confirmation day in Toronto was the following June. But no question, they had moved her to LA and the choice to make her full-time beard and to completely oppress CC had been made. This was right after the BU episode of G/lee, a plot conceived to keep D&C apart. Not a pleasant time in their lives and when everything really changed.

3. ajw: article is WRONG if they are following the PR narrative that says they started to date in June 2010 and that is what the “7 ½ crazy and adventurous years came from.” A narrative that was spun in 2015.

4. Hi anon. That is likely the correct answer. Her friend dated Jo/e W when they were in college and I believe she maybe visited U of M one weekend.

That being said, to be clear, if they met then, and it is not 100% substantiated, they went to different schools, located in different parts of the country and she graduated before them. They didn’t start dating in college and I would guess they did not keep in touch. The real connection was later when Ch/uck and C/harlene were friendly with her in NYC after they all graduated. And that is how she was chosen to be the beard, the worst decision D ever made.

Second, I am not disputing that from 2010-2011 it was sort of low key, though by April 2011 she was already being speculated about in JJ with pap pics, so maybe we can say it quickly went from low to mid-key.

Yes, this is how relationships work. You meet, you may not start dating right away. Eventually you start talking...maybe a date or two- they were long distance so likely much more talking. Fly to see one another...a few dates... more talking... more flying until she moved to LA. Nothing inconsistent about the story. They started out long distance so there is no doubt the “start date” is debatable to them.

However, she was moved to LA in the fall of 2012 and from that moment forward there was nothing low or mid key about this. That was SIX, count them (unless you need basic math classes as well) SIX years ago. Therefore, a publication CANNOT state that they have been low key dating since 2010. That is a boldface lie. They could say perhaps “they started out under the radar and have since decided to share” but NOT that it has been low key since 2010.

No, no it isn’t a bold face lie. It is literally how REAL LIFE relationships work..you know the unscripted ones. It’s their relationship and THEY get to say when they actually started dating. You could probably win an argument that the fandom didn't KNOW they were dating until 2012, ya know, if you REALLY just need to win.

Since 2012 she has accompanied him to approximately 75% of all of his events, her picture is taken constantly, her image is videoed, her SM is full of him, and recently his SM contains her face. Their “friends” and family talk about them on their public SM constantly, She has been interviewed about him (remember when she claimed she never wanted to be associated with someone famous), and she is mentioned in D’s press constantly and has been for YEARS.

I will say this slowly. They. Are. Engaged. It is normal for her to be with him at events. As many events as they want to attend together. People like love; people like beautiful couples. Photographers and fans are going to take pictures of a beautiful couple in love. Interviewers are going to talk about the engagement and the wedding. It’s we do in America. The problem is you don’t like it. But I’m 100% sure that Darren didn’t ask you for permission. He doesn’t care what you think..

Her friends and family post about them constantly? Everyone’s family talks about family constantly. I’m sure YOUR family talk about you. It’s literally what social media is for- bragging about your kids and perfect life, posting naked belly shots in the gym, and connecting with family and friends. I know you talk about your family on Tumblr and you post your cats and your wine on Tumblr. How does Mia or Darren or their family have less right than you do? I don’t follow the logic and as you say you're a lawyer, I really don’t follow you. Everyone gets to pick what they want to post on their own social media...that is the rule.

As for that article...Mia claimed she never wanted-PAST TENSE- to be with someone famous; it wasn’t something she imagined for herself. That isn’t the same as saying she doesn’t currently want to be with Darren who become famous after they fell in love. I will avoid ridiculing you about your lack of basic English grammar skills.

Yes, she is mentioned in Darren’s press...so what? They are a couple. This is isn’t hard.

So I am unclear why you are asking me about how a relationship works? I certainly understand how it works.

Relationships dear michigan are based on love, friendship, and respect, Three fundamental things missing from the mi/arren relationshit.

Couples KNOW when they met and how long ago it was. But not mi/arren. Was it college? Don Hi/ll’s? In NYC pre-g/lee? They don’t know, but they will be sure to twist the answer each and every time asked. (D actually looked shocked when she said college). But you know what D knows in precise detail? His mandate, when he went to see S/utton F/oster, a story he has recounted approximately 5 times, with g/olden g/lobe winning, NY T/imes best selling author C/hris C/olfer (his constant tribute not mine).

I already outlined how long distance relationships work and there is a vague, nebulous start date. But I also suspect that Darren, who does value his privacy, doesn’t really care to share those kind of details with us. So he gives vague, unimportant responses to that question. There is also the fact that journalists and bloggers do research and don’t always ask every question they cover in an interview. Sometimes they use their research to fill in facts- this can lead to perpetuating something that isn’t 100% accurate but Darren doesn’t care to call them out or correct it because it isn't our business.

As for your mandate. Haven’t you figured out that it is the only Chris Glee story Darren is allowed to share without upsetting Chris? He keeps repeating it because it’s out there already. “Chris hates when you talk about him” so he keeps repeating the same story to feed the Glee nostalgia without getting him upset. Again, this isn’t hard.

Couples know how long they have been dating. Not m/iarren and you would THINK after the encage announcement they would stick to the very public timeline created, yet they don’t. She actually wants you to think they started dating in college, years before 2010.

Nobody cares when they started dating. I couldn't tell you when my husband and I started dating- there are times I can’t remember how many years we have been married or what year we got married- It isn’t important to all people. It means NOTHING in the big scope of the day-to-day struggles of being married and raising kids, and struggling with chronic disabling illnesses that we deal with in our kids. Love isn’t a Disney Prince meets Princess sweeps her offer feet and they live Happily Ever After cuz now she’s a Princess. It isn’t Instagram perfection of big dates, huge romantic gestures and huge diamonds. It’s living with someone and negotiating who does what chores; who cooks and who cleans up dinner; who is taking the kid to PT or the doctor appt that is 3 hours away this week; it’s washing his dirty underwear and getting a puke bucket when the flu hits. It’s missing him because he is gone half the month flying FedEx packages to Dubai, India and China while I am single parenting a lot. In most people’s lives, the date they started dating isn’t that important after you get through a few. Those moments become less important.

When one proposes to their partner after “7 ½ crazy and adventurous years” I would hope they would know the person well enough to buy them a ring that they would love and cherish. And in turn I would hope the recipient loved the ring, even if not their dream, because it is a symbol of love and devotion. Not mi/arren, D apparently got in wrong FOUR times as she is now wearing ring number FIVE, an indisputable fact. And no, multimillionaire D did not buy FOUR place holders.

You have very childlike ideas of what relationships and engagements are like. I haven’t worn a wedding ring in years, nobody cares. Mia wore one engagement ring from January to January- she added other rings to the stack at times which seems to have confused you that it was different rings. I saw your picture proof and those are all the same diamond ring. She just got a beautiful ring on GG night. My GUESS would be that they designed the new ring together. Couples do that. Some couples get engaged long before there is a ring. None of this is “abnormal”...there is no “normal”. But even if she did have 5 rings...who cares? It means NOTHING to us. They get to do what they want and THAT is an indisputable fact.

Generally partners don’t run in front of the other constantly when they think they aren’t being filmed. D runs ahead of her constantly as documented many, many times. And notice how he ALWAYS tries to correct it when he sees the camera. They also aren’t afraid to touch their partner (D constantly avoids it, remember Op/eration S/mile when he was caught on film hiding his hand behind his bag to avoid touching her?).

You pick and choose pictures and videos to prove this trope. You and I both know there are many pictures of them waking together. Again, I ask if you have ever been in a long term relationship because after 8 years, nobody is worried about who is walking in front of who. On the red carpet, it is pretty common for the celeb to walk in front of the spouse because everyone wants to see the celeb and not the spouse. Darren is at work on the red carpet. But if you want to hang your hat on THIS being the BIG proof you have that it is all a lie then go for it. If you want to ignore all of the times Darren has said “I love her” and instead fixate on a photo of him standing in front of her....you are only deluding yourself.

A partner would NEVER try to steal the spotlight from the SO yet M pulls focus constantly despite the fact that it is D who put in the time and effort to receive the accolades he is currently getting.

I honestly can’t with this one. She only “steals the limelight” with you guys. Darren’s real fans just enjoy pics of them together as the gift that they are as we enjoy everything Darren does. You guys, on the other hand, stalk the internet looking for pictures of her just so you can rage over them; you guys talk about how she steals the spotlight. Nobody, NOBODY could steal the limelight from Darren Criss.

A partner would respect that their partner has repeatedly stated that he craves privacy. Neither M nor any of their “friends” give two shits about his wishes as he is all over the internet as posted by this group.

This cracks me up because it assumes that Darren has no idea his pictures are being posted...the ones he posed for and the ones that he watched them post seconds later. Nobody is posting photos that Darren doesn’t want posted. Mia shut down her public social except for very rare red carpet or special events. When you rage about untrue things you sound exactly like Trump “ there is an EMERGENCY AT THE BORDER...drugs...rapists...coyotes.. DEMS WANT OPEN BORDERS”. “DARREN BEGS FOR PRIVACY AND NOBODY RESPECTS THAT”. Both of those statements are complete bullshit.

A caring fiancee would concede an award show to allow for him to take his mom (d’s express wishes as he voiced on ET. And no if this is corrected it does not count as he called her out in a very public way).

OMG with this one. An anon pointed out that the one person who DID take his mom to awards shows after age 30 was Kevin Spacey. Darren took who Darren wanted to take to his first GG as a nominee. Most adults have closer relationships with their lover than their mommy. His mom came to the parties. I don’t see her upset...she looked pretty damn happy hanging with her hubby.

Mature, wealthy adults in their 30s don’t have another wealthy adult living with them for, and i quote from D himself “many, many years.” And no B/en didn’t crash on the couch as you have deluded yourself to believe, he fully lived (or lives) there.

Mature, wealthy adults in their 30′s get to decide who lives in their home with them. If you actually do follow Ben on his social, then you know he is rarely in LA for more than a few days. I never said he is sleeps on the couch because I assume he had his own bedroom.

If I got to meet a music idol and he wanted to move in with me and we could sit around and immerse ourselves in music, I would be thrilled. In college my roommate, her boyfriend, and I sleep in the same bedroom. They were a couple, I was just a roommate. It’s even more disingenuous that you keep screaming what is and isn’t normal while you claim to be the biggest gay ally in the world. Gay families form in all sorts of combinations and configurations. You need to educate yourself before you proclaim you guys are the biggest bestest Queer Allies around and stop betting hung up on heteronormative 1940′s norms. .

A loving partner would not constantly mock and ridicule the other publicly, something she has done often (remember that time she called him douchebag on twitter?). Nor would s/he mock and ridicule his fans and treat them like the lowest form of vermin. particularly if not kissing said person’s ass.

First of all, I believe she was joking though I haven’t seen that tweet in ages. It is super old. Second, people fight. People say horrible things to their lovers. It’s NORMAL.

You have tried to make the “Mia is mean to Darren’s fans” trope into something with as much effort as “THERE IS AN EMERGENCY AT THE BORDER”. Neither one is sticking.

A partner that respects their SO doesn’t force them to perform in a bar nearly every single one of his/her days off, when it was evident the man was on the brink of collapsing from exhaustion, as M did for the duration of the summer.

When you say this I always wonder if you EVER ACTUALLY LISTEN to Darren talk...like USING his words, out of his mouth. Because Darren Criss LOVES making music with people. He played outside restaurants at Michigan, he played inside Sava (MI) and Maggianos (CA), he does concerts and he lives for a small venue event. Marie’s Crisis and other piano bars rock his world so he opened one of his own close to home. Darren LOVES TO CONNECT TO OTHER HUMAN BEINGS THROUGH MUSIC. This is something he has said many times, in many interviews. It is sad that you cannot see that-you cannot hear him- and you continue to disparage his joy. When you finally realize that you are wrong about all of this, the one thing that I hope makes you feel the worst is that you have degraded, disparaged, and denigrated two things he loves- Mia and TSG.

I could go on and on and on about the issues with this horror show, but i will spare my readers. But I will repeat something i have said often, the ONLY thing to me that would be sadder than reality, would be if this is real. Because they are the OPPOSITE of relationship goals and incredibly toxic as painfully evident in what they have allowed us to see.

I can go on and on as well. It is real and it doesn’t involve you. Your petty, ill-informed, silly conspiracy theorist investigations have created a reality that lives on in your heads. Darren is clearly happy and everyone around him loves him AND Mia. You spend a lot of time and energy wiping away ALL of Darren’s truths in order to keep your fantasy alive. The only toxic relationship Darren has is with the CC fandom. I don’t know his personal life but what I see from my position in MI is a man and woman who are living their best life and a fandom that is trying so hard to hang on to a fantasy that has FAR outlived its useful life. Chris and Darren have no public relationship and if I had to guess after reading STFF, I would say no relationship at all. Chris has asked you to stop shipping them more than once. Instead of listening you continue to fabricate fictitious stories to explain away every single word out Darren’s mouth and many out of Chris’s. You aren’t “finding the truth” you are CREATING YOUR TRUTH to keep a fantasy alive. Reading Instagram ‘likes’ and looking at song lyrics WHILE IGNORING THE VERY WORDS OUT OF DARREN’S OWN MOUTH is really messed up and very disrespectful. If you really believe that Darren’s public life is a lie than walk away. You have the right to your opinion but you don’t have the right to bully Darren or his family and friends on behalf of that opinion. You don’t have the right to an opinion on the value of his love for Mia. If you don’t like it then you have the right to walk away...not to spread your hate on social media until it gets back to Darren & Mia, and their family and friends. The CC Bullshit that comes directly from YOUR MOUTH was left on Chuck’s baby post for fuck’s sake. That is ALL ON YOU. You claim you don’t post on their social but you have never told your followers to stop and they use your exact words. Chuck and that newborn baby deserved a hell of a lot better than the hate that a CC Family member left. You OWN that.

Now i beg, please, please, please go back to your own blog where i can blissfully ignore you and leave me alone unless you an actually come back and produce a valid argument.

Nope...as long as you lie, as long as you made ignorant, unsubstantiated and easily disprovable statements, I will be here. Think of me as the New York Times...always giving the folks the well-researched truth. I learned to do research at Michigan. I might not be able to sniff out obscure facts like marriage licenses or who Mia’s mom works for (well mostly because I don’t care) but I can do a damn good job of disproving your tropes because they rely so heavily on misconstrued truths (see my take down of the Fox Studio 7 year contract fact) , outright lies, shortened videos, and photos taken out of context. Also BTW some fact checks: it was CrissColfers who moved into Chris’s neighborhood to terrorize him, NOT Miarrens, in their mission to find proof that Darren was really going to Chris’s home and your anon who mentioned Dot Marie Jone’s wife standing up for Darren and Mia...she is friends with Chris and she was defending Chris and Will NOT Darren and Mia.

Love,

#CrissColfer #@Ajw720 #response #CC fandom #cc fan #cc blog #cc family #ccer #ccers #cc #Darren Criss #Mia Swier #Facts Matter

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ninaahelvar · 8 years ago

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Through Thin Walls (2/2)

Summary: Roxy was originally annoyed at her obnoxious neighbour that she never met, but when they start a friendship through their thin walls, things become more interesting than she first thought.

Rating: Explicit

AO3

A/N: And it’s finally here! I’m incredibly proud of this AU, and I hope everyone has enjoyed it as much as I have. I know the ending isn’t perfect, but lets be real, this was so much fun! Thank you again @gipsysworld for this awesome prompt!

Roxy had been playing music in her kitchen, her oversized shirt knotted at her waist as her shorts rolled down her hips, dancing lazily in the midst of baking. The little ritual she did on a Friday night - a new ritual that she didn’t mind - was how she wound down, to let go of the week and let the weekend deal with the pain of more work; tonight was just hers. Well, almost just hers. Her feet skipped, glasses falling up and down on her nose as the next Haim got her into the beat.

“Just know that I want you back,” Roxy sang a little off key, shaking her hips as she poured the batter into the baking tin. Using her forearm, she pushed up her glasses and skilfully managed to push hair out of her face. When the batter was layered in the tin, Roxy skipped over to the oven, the heat radiating from its surface. Putting it inside and setting the ridiculously long timer, Roxy skipped around her kitchen a little more, getting further into the music.

When the final chorus came in, Roxy jumped up and down, shaking her hips and her hands up in her hair. She was in a daze of music and joy. Nothing felt better than dancing around her kitchen, forgetting about her stressful week at school, and just letting everything go on a Friday night at home. Spinning around, she found Eggsy in her apartment, standing against the wall with his hand covering his mouth as he contained a laugh. Roxy squeaked, almost dropping to the floor out of sheer shock.

“Sorry! Sorry! It was just too much fun to not watch,” Eggsy said, walking over to her and embracing her tightly.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” she said, burying her head into his shoulder and jabbing him in the ribs. Since meeting, Roxy and Eggsy had met every friday night for at least a catch up for their week. After that first night meeting each other, it became more of a habit to meet each other. Roxy was guilty of drawing out conversations just to spend a little extra time with him. Six months of knowing a guy and she still loved talking to him, which wasn’t always the case in Roxy’s life experience. They found that talking through the wall was getting tiresome, forcing Eggsy to knock on her door on a friday night and rant about this guy from his new job.

“If I was a dickhead ready to rob you, you wouldn’t even hear me,” he teased, pinching at her side. Roxy hit him hard against his shoulder, backing away towards the bench behind her.

“You’re an arse,” she said, trying not to laugh at his smirking face.

“You look adorable when you dance,” he commented, sitting down on the couch and flicking onto Roxy’s netflix. He put his feet up on the coffee table, forcing Roxy to roll her eyes as he relaxed. He tugged on his tie and unbuttoned his blazer. He threw his blazer across to the other couch, his head falling back. is job was a personal bodyguard to a few different people, which meant a suit and tie which he hated. Roxy started to wash up the baking equipment, ignoring his behaviour, until she felt his presence behind her back. She stilled, unsure of herself before he moved around her and started to dry up the dishes.

“Thank you,” she cleared her throat. She couldn’t help but notice his sleeves rolled up past his elbows, the muscles in his forearms working as he reached and put away her dishes. Roxy wasn’t the kind of girl to fawn over a guy’s physical appearance, but on this particular day, she was weak against the combination Eggsy was unintentionally giving her. As Eggsy kept on drying, he took in all the items he handled and quickly scoffed.

“Did you even make yourself dinner?” he asked.

“No,” she replied, smiling as his laugh thickened. “But, look what I did make,” she knocked her hip against his, gesturing over to the oven. He turned, quickly spinning back with a gasp. Roxy couldn’t help but smile back at that face; the goofy grin that took up his whole face, every ounce of joy showcased on that beautiful face of his.

“Chocolate cake? Do you have ice cream?” he asked, turning between Roxy and the cake once more.

“Who do you think I am?” Roxy exclaimed before laughing.

“But, guess who is lucky?” Eggsy knocked his hip back against Roxy’s.

“You?”

“Sorta. We’ve got dinner,” he said.

“You cooked something?” she asked, surprised. He gave her an exasperated look, his eyebrow raised as if to ask if she was entirely serious.

“Really, Rox?” he gave back and she held in a laugh.

“Okay, what?”

“Chinese,” he said slowly, with a grin growing wider as his word became longer.

“Ah! Yes!” Roxy cheered, dancing a little in place as Eggsy laughed at her.

As the night dragged on, far more Chinese food for either of them to handle, they ended up on the couch, watching movie after movie. Some they were extremely into, shouting at the television and talking about theories that no spy could rationally be able to pull off those kinds of stunts. Other movies, they sat through without paying attention to it, Roxy and Eggsy just talking about their week. Every time Eggsy talked, Roxy found herself either very unaware of how lost she was getting in him, or hyper-aware that she may have been staring. She knew she wasn’t this girl, that fawned or was under a spell from a guy, but she was just lost in him. How did he make her feel so comfortable and unaware of the troubles she may have been facing? She wondered if she did the same for him.

The night wound down, the time was something ridiculously late, but Roxy couldn’t make it out; her eyes couldn’t fix on it, she was too tired. Her head rested on Eggsy’s shoulder, drifting in and out of sleep, the smell of the finished cake still filling the air of her apartment. It took Roxy by surprise when Eggsy stirred underneath her. She rose, rubbing at her eyes and finally seeing a disheveled Eggsy; hair fixed in a mess, shirt untucked from his trousers and unbuttoned to middle of his ribs.

“Hey, I should go,” he mumbled, a husky voice that hit low in Roxy’s belly.

“Hm,” she responded, still trying to rouse herself. “Alright. You can stay if you want. I don’t mind.” The words came out of her mouth, her tired brain unable to register what she was saying until morning. Eggsy had stopped before standing up.

“My bed is more comfortable than your couch,” he replied, leaning down and pressing a kiss to the crown of her head. It was unexpected to say the least, but it made Roxy smile with a scoff, disbelief that he could be that affectionate with her. “Go to bed, you’ll hate yourself if you sleep on your couch,” he said, gathering up his tie and jacket.

When Roxy heard Eggsy’s door shut, him shuffling about his apartment, she crept into her own room, collapsing down onto her bed. Pulling her blankets around herself as the night took her in a comforting embrace, she was happy to sleep. Waking felt more troublesome, that she couldn’t quite make it out of her bed without feeling like something was missing. She knew what it was, but she didn’t want to admit it. Her apartment was still a mess, so for the rest of her Saturday, she blared her music, and cleaned as much as she could - hoping to distract herself from her own thoughts.

Sunday came and went, with Roxy making notes on all her students for her parent-teacher conferences. She wanted to get it all out of the way now instead of rushing on Monday afternoon to finish right before the conferences. She had extensive notes for herself on all her students, making sure she could improve their parents understand of how well they were going in school and what needed help. Having leftover Chinese food for dinner again, Roxy caught up on some of the movies that she and Eggsy missed out on all together, knowing now why they skipped through them all.

Walking into school that day, Roxy was stopped in the staff room by Principal Spencer. Roxy was sipping at her coffee when James sat down across from her at her table. Adjusting her glasses, Roxy gave over a friendly smile. He gave his typical smile and warm greetings of the day before getting right down to it. “Daisy’s mother won’t be able to make it today. Instead, her older brother Gary will be in her place,” he told her, giving over a large smile with rosy cheeks, tapping the table a few times in a rhythm and finally going off to another teacher in the staff room.

“Oh, okay.” There was no one to talk to at that point, it was just Roxy noting it all down for herself. She scrambled through her conference notes, marking down that she’d be meeting with this Gary instead of Daisy’s mother before the bell rang, and she was able to go off to her class for the day.

All her lessons for the day were great, all the kids on their best behaviour - better than they had been behaving all year. End of the term, summer holidays just around the corner, they were excited to get everything out of the way.

Roxy sat at her desk, flicking through every folder she had in front of her, making sure she had every student accounted for before interviews started. When she was ready, she called for the first parents, talking to them about their child, praising when necessary and giving advice where it was needed. One of her last interviews of the afternoon was scheduled for Daisy Baker. Roxy wasn’t finished marking off the previous student's record to indicate that the interview was conducted when someone walked in and sat down opposite Roxy.

“So, I understand from the principal that you’re Daisy’s brother. Are you a guardian of some kind?” she said, not looking up just yet from her papers. Gathering up her things a little, she pushed Daisy’s notes to the top and went through her list of things to talk about.

“I look after her every Tuesday and Wednesday, ‘cause -” That voice. She looked up straight away, Eggsy sitting right in front of her with a stunned look that she believed she also had.

“Eggsy,” she breathed out, blinking rapidly as she took off her glasses.

“That’s what studyin’ means,” he laughed. Roxy couldn’t help but let out a laugh too. And that was the easiest interview she had all day, talking about the confusion they both had about the situation; Eggsy explaining his name, the fact that Daisy is his half-sister, and the confusion that Eggsy thought Roxy was still studying. Then, they got into Daisy, how she was a hard working little student, but she has been struggling when she hasn’t done the homework.

“Look, it’s not like Daisy is a bad student. She’s amazing. She just isn’t doing her homework. If you sit down with her every afternoon you have her, she’ll do fine and it won’t be a problem,” Roxy explained and Eggsy nodded along, smiling. Roxy noticed how tired he looked; his tie asque, his sleeves rolled up - including that of his suit jacket - and the way he slouched. He had obviously rushed from work to get there, and he was exhausted. Roxy ended the interview just a few minutes after it was supposed to. Eggsy offered to pay for a cab to take them both home, and even though she said she may be a little longer, he didn’t seem to mind waiting.

Finishing as quickly as possible, Roxy and Eggsy rode back to their apartments in the taxi. Roxy liked the space of it, giving her the opportunity to collect her thoughts through her notes and make sure everything was in order for her own records, including the teaching notes she had from that day and coordinating her notes for later in the week across Eggsy’s lap. Throughout it all, Eggsy laughed and tried to help without getting in the way. Arriving back at their apartment, Eggsy helped Roxy with all her belongings, carrying her heavy bags up the three flights of stairs.

“Can I ask you a favour?” Eggsy asked as Roxy went to find her keys. She merely nodded. “Mum works Tuesdays and Wednesdays and can’t pick Daisy up on time, and it’s a rush for me with my job over at Kingsman security,” he explained, a pained look on his brow.

“You want me to take Daisy back here with me until you can get back from work?” she asked, unlocking her door and taking her belongings from his hands. Kicking off the small heels she had worn, she put all her things down near her desk, noticing that Eggsy barely broke past the threshold of her apartment. She wondered if she had done something wrong the last time he was there. Roxy met back with Eggsy at her door frame.

“Could you?” he shrugged. “You don’t have to, it’s just that you’d be right there and you live next door,” he explained his reasoning but Roxy had already made up her mind. She caught onto his arm, both their attentions drawn to the soft hand she placed on his forearm.

“Don’t worry, Eggsy. I’ve got it,” she smiled, the hiccup of her heartbeat was echoing across Roxy’s body, wondering if Eggsy could feel how nervous she was. There was something in the air, a heat that wouldn’t leave them when silence surrounded them. All she wanted him to do with kiss her, to do something other than just stand there. He brought her in for a small embrace before going to his apartment door and kicking it open slightly.

It was a good routine they all fell into, Roxy would either walk home with Daisy on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, or they’d catch the train for a little urban experience to mortify Daisy for life. When she first did it, she wasn’t sure if she should - some parents are still wary of that kinda thing - but Daisy loved the wildness of the zipping trains and the crowds of people that she felt lost in. She had described it as a forest of people she’d have to climb in order to see the sky. Roxy felt proud of her teaching skills if a child could think like that. Eggsy reassured Roxy that they’ve taken Daisy on the tube before, but Daisy loved going every time.

Wednesdays were easier, Eggsy came home earlier, and Roxy never really assigned hard homework for the middle of the week. So, Roxy let Daisy loose in her apartment, drawing and trying to get Daisy to be as creative as she wished; They had put on small plays for Eggsy in case Daisy wanted to be an actress. Somehow, Roxy always got roped into being the princess - she’d definitely prefer to knight. This Wednesday, Eggsy was running a little later than expected, so Daisy was going through some of the colouring in books Roxy had got special, both picking out colours that would best suit the picture. When Roxy thought she heard someone near her door, Daisy perked and Roxy got up to investigate.

Opening the door, she saw something very unexpected; Eggsy was kissing a girl by his front door. His lips were eager against hers. Why did Roxy notice that first? When Roxy’s door squeaked, she jumped, as did Eggsy.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise you had company,” she cleared her throat, averting her eyes briefly as the two separated.

“It’s okay,” Eggsy said wiping at his lips.

“Daisy just wanted to come and see you. I’ll just help her pack up,” Roxy thought quickly, trying to step back into her apartment.

“Rox, I -”

“Sorry for being a bother,” she spat back, forcing her door closed a little faster. She stood on behind her closed door for a moment, breathing in what she could only think was utter disappointment. She’d never thought she’d be disappointed like this, especially over a guy.

What the hell was she thinking? God, she knew better than to get caught up in falling for a guy. She knew this wasn’t going to work out, no matter how much she thought. She is just his fucking neighbour; why did she assume it was anything more? Sighing, Roxy went back to Daisy, helping her gathering all her school supplies and putting them away in her bag.

Returning out of her apartment with Daisy at her side, Eggsy was alone, kneeling down to hug his sister. Ushering her inside his apartment, he stood looking at Roxy for a moment. Ready to get back inside, Roxy slipped back inside her apartment just before Eggsy pushed his hand on the door. “Hey, you know I didn’t -”

“Didn’t what?” Roxy tried to play it off politely, smiling with innocence and not unjustified spite. She may have pulled it off if it wasn’t for her knotted brow. “Eggsy, you have a personal life. Why should it matter to me? I’m just your neighbour.” Her jaw shut tightly, her words more brutal than intended. She swallowed hard, trying to stop herself from biting onto her lip.

“Yeah...I just thought that maybe…” he stopped himself. “Thanks for taking care of Daisy again. I really appreciate it,” he said back, going into his apartment. Roxy didn’t shut her door for a few more moments, wondering if her jealous heart was going to give her a break that day. “No, Roxy is busy tonight, she can’t come over.” Roxy heard Eggsy say to his sister.

“But we had a new play to show you!” Daisy complained.

“Next week,” Eggsy replied. Roxy sighed. She wanted to apologise for what she was saying, what she was doing, but it was better to just leave it, against her better judgement. After dinner, Roxy had resigned to her bedroom, not hearing much from the apartment next door, which she didn’t find odd, but she missed hearing anything she could hold onto. Why did it all have to feel so fucked up so fast?

Roxy was laid up in bed, unable to find the most comfortable position and always shifting from one side to the other. She wasn’t going to have an easy sleep tonight. And god, she had a full day of work the following day. Nope. She wasn’t ready for this night to keep her awake. When she thought she wasn’t going hear any voices for the rest of the night, she heard Eggsy whisper to Daisy and a soft groan. The door opened to his apartment.

“Thanks for getting her, mum,” he said, voice easily described as tired.

“Everything alright, sweetie?” Michelle replied.

“Just had a rough day,” he said back.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He paused. “Nah. Just wanna get to sleep,” he huffed.

“Alright, love. Rest up now,” Michelle said, the door to his apartment closing and the footsteps leading over to where Roxy was approximately. The bed hit against the wall as Eggsy fell onto it. There was no sounds from his room, and it seemed as though he found sleep better than she could. She hated that.

Roxy still couldn’t sleep. All she wanted was for this night to end, but no, the universe was making her brain reel over events she had no control over. Then, it decided to make things more unpredictable, as she remembered the focus she held on Eggsy’s lips, how he poured himself into it without effort or fail.

Brain on autopilot, scenarios stormed through her head, where Eggsy kissed her, tugging her hair out of her ponytail and tossing her glasses across her bedroom. Roxy let her hand roam down her body, sneaking past her underwear and arching her back as she rubbed her fingers against her clit. Biting down onto her bottom lip, she let her imagination take over. Even in her mind, it seemed as though Eggsy was a great kisser. He stripped out of his shirt, lifting her top over her head and his mouth going directly to her breast. Roxy threw her head back, the thought of Eggsy’s teeth gently nipping at her breast, tongue swirling around her nipple - it was intoxicating. She panted, trying to stop herself from moaning.

Her fingers kept working as her mind raced ahead of her, as there, Eggsy was moving his mouth down her stomach, snaking her pants down until he was directly between her legs. She thought of him letting his tongue run over her clit, sucking on it as his fingers moved inside of her - she was a mess. “Eggsy,” she whimpered, the thought of his head between her legs, knees hooked over her shoulders as his mouth worked over her was driving her to madness. But it wasn’t enough for her just yet.

She needed more, she wanted more from him. The next thought she had was Eggsy pushing himself into her until her was right at his hilt. Roxy arched her back further, shoulders digging into the mattress as she imagined Eggsy thrusting into her with a little more force than before. It became wild and frantic in her mind, their bodies slick and eagerly grinding against one another, trying to reach their final moments. Just the thought of his cock filling her was almost doing it, but when she imagined him sucking at her neck and his hand sliding between them, playing with her clit as she did in that moment. Imagining his rough fingers in place of hers as his cock filled her up, it was -

Roxy moaned loudly, covering her mouth with her free hand, her orgasm rippling across her body in waves of delight and pleasure. As sweat dripped over her skin, it suddenly became so much easier to sleep with those thoughts out of her mind and her body completely spent. When she woke, she couldn’t remember a time where she felt like she’d had the most amazing rest of her life.

The summer break came only two weeks later. Roxy was happy for the break, a good holiday away from the stress of class plans and student behavioural issues. It was just going to be her and whatever she could do over the next coming weeks. She’d finally be able to catch up with friends, go out drinking without thinking that she shouldn’t.

As Roxy came home from doing a giant haul from her grocery shopping trip, she saw Daisy rushing around Eggsy’s feet as he tried to open up the door to his apartment. He tried to quiet her down, but all she wanted to do was play make-believe with her toys in hand, having them battle each other in some grand fight. He noticed Roxy as she struggled up the steps and smiled to her. She wanted to smile back, but her keys were in her mouth - she didn’t want to struggle to find them when she was at her door. Eggsy laughed, letting Daisy inside and walking over to Roxy. He took the keys from her mouth and she sighed in appreciation. Eggsy started to unlock the door for her and she leaned against the wall outside.

“So, spending more time with Daisy?” Roxy asked, still trying to catch her breath.

“For the next week, yeah. She’s going away with mum for following weeks,” Eggsy said, finally unlocking the door. He looked at her once over before he bent slightly to grab some of the bags from her hand, helping her carry them inside. Eggsy threw her keys on the kitchen counter before hauling the heavy bags up onto the surface.

“You’re going to be a little lonely, aren’t you?” she asked. Eggsy shrugged, heading back towards the door.

“I wouldn’t say that,” he smiled, a spark racing over his eyes that made Roxy bite at her lip and hide it by putting her bags on the counter. As she felt Eggsy start to move, Roxy knew she couldn’t let him walk away again. She had to fix it. The conversation had been so pleasant, but it still felt like there was a tension they were trying to ignore in the silence.

“Hey, when Daisy is out of your hair, let’s get back to doing Friday nights, okay? I’ve got the resources for it,” Roxy asked. Eggsy tucked his hands into his pockets, smiling back at her.

“She leaves here on Friday morning, so it’ll be the best meal I’ve had all week,” he joked and Roxy giggled, rolling her eyes. She thanked him for helping her before he had to go check on Daisy.

That entire week, Roxy couldn’t help but wish it were Friday, begging for it to come sooner rather than later. Roxy started making beef stroganoff when Eggsy knocked on her door on Friday night. She called him in, the door left open just for him. He sat on the unused countertop, trying to steal some mushrooms as Roxy was gradually adding them to the meal. When it was all ready, they sat on her couch, silence unbearably still around them. Roxy put her plate down, asking if they could just get past everything. When Eggsy sighed, relieved that she said something about it

And they did, they talked. They made sure that everything was fine. Roxy avoided confessing anything, just that she felt that she was unkind to him for no good reason and that she was sorry for it. Eggsy brought up the girl. Roxy shifted uncomfortably when he did, and he saw. He told her it was a client, that she had been flirting with him all day, but he never expected her to try and come to his place with him. After they had kissed, she assumed Daisy was his daughter, immediately trying to get out of that situation. They both laughed at that fact. They apologised to each other for acting the way they have, the distance and the awkwardness. And they were fine, they didn’t feel like they needed to talk about any other event, it fine to be them again.

Saturday came in quickly after the long night she had. Roxy found herself bombarded by group texts, her friends begging her to come out that night to go drinking with them. Roxy contemplated for a moment before agreeing. it wasn’t like she had anything else going on. It took the rest of the afternoon for them to figure out where they were going, which wasn’t too far from Roxy’s apartment. Roxy picked out a dress she hadn’t worn in a very long time, and when she put it on, it seemed shorter than she remembered, but she didn’t mind. It was slim against her frame, the v-neck and slim strapped velvet blue dress hugged onto her in a comfortable way and she remembered why she bought that dress.

Finishing up on her hair, and touching up her makeup, she pushed her feet into her heels. Making sure she had her purse with her, she managed to put her phone away inside along with her keys. Taking a breath, Roxy opened up her door, closing it behind her and locking the door.

“Rox?” she heard Eggsy at the end of the open hallway, the sounds of the street right there, and the night air swiftly reminding her of cold in the summer. He was in his lazy clothes of a shorts and a tank top, coming up from the garbage - well, she assumed that’s where he was coming from. He walked back to his door, looking her up and down with one of the most excited looks on his face. “Look at you!” Eggsy gawked, his eyebrows raised in surprise. It made Roxy giggle, unused to this kind of surprise on him.

“Yeah, some friends know this the only time I get to relax. So, clubbing it is,” she said, tucking hair behind her ear, resting against the door of her apartment. Eggsy’s eyes lingered on her, his hand wanting to work the key to unlock the door but he didn’t seem interested enough in it.

“Well, you’ll definitely have fun in that dress,” he said, looking her up and down again. Roxy couldn’t help but bite her lip after that. Before Roxy could even think of anything to say, there was a blaring horn beneath them in the parking lot. Looking down, there was a small charter bus, girls hanging out of it trying to call Roxy down.

“I gotta go,” she said, backing towards the stairs. “Have a good night,” she shouted to him, his key finally opening the door. He stopped.

“You too,” he called back. As Roxy made her way into the car, she looked back up to Eggsy, who waved to her. She waved back, rolling her eyes at him.

“Who’s the guy?” Her friend Natalie asked as Roxy got comfortable in her spot.

“Neighbour,” she replied.

“He’s cute,” Natalie giggled and the rest of the girls cheered in agreement. Yeah, Roxy was well aware.

They got to the club in quick time, Roxy being the last of them they had to pick up. Walking in, the club played music she was only familiar with because Eggsy played some of it, but the rest of it was dance music that she couldn’t care for even if she tried. Roxy was going to drink until she saw how much everyone was paying. She kept her purse clutched tight to herself, making sure her friends weren’t making fools of themselves. She used to be the kind of girl you could go shot for shot with - and to be fair, she still could - but life changes and that didn’t interest her anymore. Her friends were drinking like they were eighteen and this was their first taste of freedom.

The club wasn’t fun, and everything around Roxy seemed so foreign and strange. She was in her twenties, but still, clubbing felt off and unwelcome. She liked getting dressed up, making herself look hot as hell, but she wasn’t in a place where she felt comfortable, or even with people she wanted to be with. Only being there an hour, Roxy told one of her semi-sober friends and let them know she was heading home. Disappointed, but they let Roxy go without any fuss. The tube was practically empty, and the walk home was brisk. It gave her the chance to think about what she wanted.

Did she really want to be letting herself fall for her neighbour? She’d known him for nearly a year and yet she felt like she was rushing things; she let herself fall into his charms and the way he talked to her. Roxy was a mature woman, she was strong and passionate and had things she wanted to do with her life; she didn’t have to be so caught up in him. Roxy could be anything, could do anything, but all she wanted was to be happy...and be happy talking with him, being with him. God dammit, she was so screwed. Was she even really given a chance?

Opening up her door, locking it behind her, Roxy threw her keys and purse on the counter, trying to take off her heels as painlessly as possible. Only an hour in them, it was like they were knives to every joint in her foot.

“Woah, I wasn’t expecting you back so soon,” he exclaimed. Roxy stayed silent as she put her things away. “You got company?” he asked a little more bashful this time. Roxy shook her head, moving into her bedroom where his voice was the loudest.

“No..no,” she sighed, crawling on her bed until she was faced with the wall, fingers tracing a familiar spot on its surface. “Just forgot how inexperienced I was with the whole thing,” she laughed, her forehead resting on the wall.

“Are you at least a little bit tipsy?”

“Not one bit. Didn’t drink.”

“What?! But you went clubbing!”

“I didn’t feel like it,” she shrugged. There was a pause before he replied.

“Need company?” Roxy stilled at the comment, pressing her fingers to the wall. Did she dare answer with her desires? Did she risk it all for the one thing she had been craving for months? Just thinking about it, she felt the ghosting of his breath on her neck, hands snaking around her tight fitting dress, trying to lift the fabric at the top of her thighs. Biting at her lip to catch the shaky breath, she knew she couldn’t indulge herself.

“I’ll be okay. Should probably just get some sleep. Goodnight,” she replied, going to her bathroom. It was colder than the rest of her apartment and it gave her a moment to cool down. She climbed into the empty bathtub, resting against the cool porcelain, running her hands over her face to stop herself from thinking.

It was tough the following week. Every time she came into contact with Eggsy, she was reminded of the fact that she needed to let herself go, to stop trying to win him over or see if there was something there. Trying to convince herself there wasn’t was like trying to move the sun - fucking impossible. It took her until the following Saturday to talk herself into telling Eggsy. She didn’t know what she was going to say, how to even start it - hell, what she was even going to say. She just knew she had to tell him that….that….that she may love him? God, why does pining make you into such an idiot, she thought. Finding out he had work all weekend was torture, so when he finally had the day off on Wednesday, she crossed her fingers that she could get him alone.

By pure chance, Roxy was coming up from putting out the garbage, and Eggsy was at his door, unlocking his door. Roxy dusted off her hands as she rushed to her door next to Eggsy. He smiled at her with the quirk of his lips that could only be given to her.

“Can I talk to you?” she asked, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

“Something wrong?” he asked, stopping his key.

“No,” she shook her head. “Well, kind of. I just need to talk to you,” she shrugged. Eggsy pocketed his keys. Roxy invited him inside her apartment, both stopping the moment they entire the little apartment hallway.

“What’s going on?” he asked. Roxy wasn’t sure what to say, her heart was beating up a storm inside her chest, and everything felt like it needed to move - to act. And so she did. She surged forward, taking hold of Eggsy’s shirt and pulling him down by his collar, kissing him as eagerly as she could muster, everything she’d let herself build to was forced into her lips. When she realised what she’d done, she stepped back, pushing herself away from.

Covering her mouth, Roxy felt like she was going to faint. How could she do that? What made her so reckless? “Sorry...I don’t know what I was -” Before she could finish rambling, Eggsy was already pushing her up against the wall, his lips finding hers with the response she wanted the first time. His hands pulled her into him, eager fingers holding her so tightly, there was no chance he was letting her go. And god, that kiss, it felt like she was float and his lips were the only thing keeping her on the ground.

“You have no idea how bad I’ve wanted this. Wanted you.” Roxy let out a shaky breath as she pushed herself up on her toes, confidence finally surging through her. She felt normal and courageous once more, no need to go on tiptoes around him with ‘unjustified’ feelings. They were mutual - and god how she wanted him.

“No need to want. You have it,” she whispered before pulling him down to kiss her again.

Eggsy bent slightly, taking his hands underneath her knees and hoisting her up against the wall - all the while, never letting his lips part from hers. Roxy’s hands either side of his face tried not to claw and grip into him, the urge of the tension and wanting was unbearable. Instead, she curled her hands around to his hair, letting it slip through the gaps in her fingers and bind tightly to the ends.

Grinding her hips down, Roxy couldn’t wait, she wanted to feel him. Eggsy groaned into her lips, his right hand moving from the back of her knee to midway up her thigh, fingers demanding against her skin. With his hands focusing her in place, his hips pushed up into hers and Roxy threw her head back, moaning quietly as Eggsy started to kiss down her neck.

Their bodies were responding to each other, bucking and grinding, Roxy trying to gain more friction against the seam of her shorts and Eggsy was pushing himself harder against her. Both feeling the impatience of their clothes, how all they wanted was to feel each other, but it was becoming impossible to get off like this. They were both moaning, frustration and the thin distance between them was making them weaker against their own passions.

“I hate that we’re wearing clothes right now,” Eggsy moaned into Roxy’s neck, his grip on her legs loosening. Roxy chuckled, pushing on his shoulders and he let her down onto her feet.

“Couldn’t agree more,” she smirked, pushing him against the opposite wall, lifting his shirt over his head and snaking the belt from the loops. Eggsy smirked as he took her shirt over her head and marvelling at her for a moment; when this happened with other men, Roxy usually felt cornered by their gaze, but Eggsy’s worked as lust-filled fuel. “Clean?” she asked, unbuttoning her shorts and slipping them down to her ankles.

“Hm,” he nodded, kicking his trousers down, his shoes slipping off in the process. Standing in their underwear, it was becoming apparent that this was indeed happening. And when Eggsy smiled, his hand slowly skimming up the side of her neck, Roxy let out a shaky breath, watching his lips to see if he was going to kiss her. Then, he spoke. “Condom?” Shit. She pulled away, raising a finger before shuffling off to her bathroom, going into the draw, she found the condoms patiently sitting in the box. Snatching one out, she walked back to the kitchen. As she saw Eggsy, his lip between his teeth, his eyes darker with intent, she felt lost in him. His finger gestured her to him, and with a painfully slow walk, she went back to him, tucking hair behind her ear, she handed him over the condom. “You’re torture.” He smiled.

Catching onto her arm, he pulled her into him, his arm curling around her back and the feeling of his skin against hers, their bodies barely apart, it was intoxicating. Picking her up again, Eggsy pushed her up onto the kitchen counter, pulling her just to the edge so they were just as close as they were before.

As Eggsy fiddled with the condom wrapper, Roxy reached inside his boxer briefs, the semi-hard thickness of his shaft fitting into her hand. Her touch was delicate and soft, slowly stroking it and distracting Eggsy to the point of the faint push of his hips to further her touch against him. She smiled, watching him as he put his hands either side of her legs, watching as her stroked against him. Roxy picked up his chin, her focus on his eyes - the way they sparked with lust. “Are you just going to stand there all day or are we going to have fun?” she teased. Eggsy smirked, shaking his head.

“Definitely have fun.” Finally getting the condom on, he nudged her underwear out of the way, letting himself fit inside of her slowly. Roxy whimpered, her arm going over his shoulder as she panted. They were slow against one another, Eggsy moving until he was barely inside her until there was nothing more of him to give and doing it over and over again. Roxy rocked her hips slightly with her thrust until they started to find their rhythm. Roxy’s free hand moved around Eggy’s back, forcing him into her hard, nails scraping at his skin, knowing she was panting wildly against his ear. Eggsy’s mouth, open against her shoulder, trailed his tongue over her skin and teeth nipping at her.

His hand moved around her back, unclasping her bra. Roxy slipped out of it as Eggsy’s mouth moved down her chest, his tongue trailing a cool line across her skin until his teeth brushed around her nipple. Roxy arched her back, pushing herself forward, and clawing at Eggsy’s lower back. Everything seemed to spur him on, his pace quickening and her moans becoming ever more frequent against her better judgement.

Eggsy continued, grunting and moaning into her breast, her hand tight in her hip, bringing her in with every thrust. God, she felt like she was falling apart, her hands barely able to hold onto him. In her belly, the wound up coil of her orgasm was at its brink. Her whimpers of pleasure became more desperate and she knew she wasn’t going to last much longer with it. She moved her hands to his face, bringing him to face her, but when she looked at the desperate knotted brow on his face, she fell apart. She dove forward, arching into him, moaning against his lips as she finally felt the orgasm break over her.

As the sensation washed over her body, she rested back onto the countertop, Eggsy’s head in between her breasts, panting against her skin. It sent chills all over her, clutching onto his wrist as she breathed.

“C’mon,” he whispered into her chest, kissing the centre of it. Before she could even protest, Eggsy’s length slipped from her, creating an absence that made her shiver out of disappointment. Helping her from the counter, Eggsy kissed her, making her rise on her uneasy toes. Taking his hand, she guided them to her bedroom, the lights remaining off as they stepped in. Letting him go, Roxy went to the edge of her bed, stepping out of her underwear and crawling up her bed on hands and knees. Glancing over her shoulder she saw Eggsy push his boxers down and follow after her.

Kisses trailing up her spine, Roxy gripped onto the top of her bedframe, feeling Eggsy’s fingers gracing over her still wet entrance. When his tip slid into her, Roxy gripped harder into the wood, arching her back, his pace slow, both trying to remain steady but they were both on the verge of making each other beg for more. Their bodies moved gently against each other, taking everything slow. Roxy’s shoulders rose up, feeling how Eggsy filled her every time he went to his hilt.

Eggsy’s right hand was firmly placed on her hip, bringing her into him with every thrust he gave, fingers so tense into her, she felt his nail dig, trying to keep him from losing control. Roxy dropped her head, the sensation of him was thrilling, she couldn’t seem to get used to how he fit so finely within her. His other hand ran up her neck, flipping her hair from the back of her neck until it was all graced on one side. His angle changed slightly, his body moving over hers, closing the distance between his chest and her back, his head just behind hers and his forehead resting on her.

His free hand slipped underneath her body, fingers slick and starting to play with her clit. The shock of excited that rushed through her sent a gasp out of her lips, her hips pushing against his hand to grind out the friction of his fingers touching her. Just as she was getting into the way his fingers were working against her, he let his hand fall away, meeting beside her own. She whined as his hand slipped away, but cried lightly when he started to speed up, hips working to drive her to her orgasm.

Bucking up against him, Eggsy couldn’t seem to keep his hands off of her, his that tried to just bind in the bedsheets beside her now found its way to her breast, fingers desperate to feel the harden nipples beneath. Slipping it down, he pinned his arm against her stomach, their bodies not parting now, his chest hair rubbing against her back and his lips pressing to the base of her neck, trailing beautiful and brief kisses across.

The abrupt break of her climax shocked her, crying out a little too hard. Eggsy panted above her, resting his pace to slow pushes inside her, hands binding into the bedsheets. Roxy grabbed into his wrist, the other hand unable to leave the wood - it was a fear of falling, that she was going to fall straight into a hole she’d never be able to get out; he made her feel light. To the back of her neck, as she breathed out her whimpers and mouth gaping open like a pleasure-filled fool, Eggsy’s hot breath hit her. Glancing up to him, his eyes shut and mouth just as open as hers, the tight knot of want in his brow.

Forgetting herself for a moment, she pushed on Eggsy’s stomach, hating the feeling of him leaving her but knowing exactly what she wanted. Moving Eggsy onto his back, letting him sit up as she moved to sit on his lap. Letting herself sink down onto him, her hands either side of his shoulders, he watched her and fingers gentle to touch, almost timid to grace up his waist.

“How a fucker like me got a girl like you, I will never know,” he mumbled, a groan, Roxy moving her hips to grind against him. She didn’t say anything, just watching him with dark intensity, a hand moving to his thigh, aiding in how she moved against him. Eggsy surged forward, his hips bucking up to meet hers and his face going to her chest, kissing and nipping at her breasts every chance he got. Her hand slipping from his shoulder, her fingers fixed into his hair, their sweat finely emerging to slick their skin, the dampness of his hair still thrilling to feel underneath her fingertips.

They found a perfect rhythm, moaning and gasping for more. They bodies moved against each other, perfectly timed to be get them both to their final climax. Eggsy was groaning more and more, face buried in her chest as he tried to keep himself composed, but Roxy didn’t want that, she just wanted him to lose control of himself. As she picked up her pace, Eggsy threw his head back a little, watching her again, Roxy’s next orgasm following after the second so easily, her body already primed for this final rocking of her core. Gasping for air, head falling back again, Roxy dug her nails into his thigh before body fell forward with her orgasm, still trying to ride out until Eggsy’s orgasm as she shuddered and withered on top of him. Eggsy grunted out, moaning in a soft pant his end, face once again buried in her chest.

Collapsing down beside him, Eggsy took off his condom and tossed it in the garbage by her nightstand. Roxy leaned into him, Eggsy brushing back the hair from her face. Looking up at him, the mess of his hair and sweat still brimming across his hairline all the way down his chest, Roxy wondered if she was in a similar way, and if he thought she looked as beautiful as she thought he looked. It was a while before either of them spoke, just trying to find themselves after what happened.

“I heard you,” Eggsy started, which made Roxy perk. “That night where you were…” The first time he has ever been coy. Roxy crinkled her brow before it all seemed to dawn on her. “I heard,” he smirked. Roxy covered her mouth before hitting him in the shoulder.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” she squeaked.

“Wondered if you were going to do it again,” he admitted and she hit his shoulder again.

“You’re disgusting,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“You’re the one that did it,” he laughed.

“But you were listening,” she snapped back.

“You weren’t exactly quiet, love,” he chuckled, Roxy covering her eyes, her cheeks burning hot. “Thinnest bloody walls!” Eggsy remarked, knocking against the wall.

“Oh, god,” she groaned.

“Were you imaging us?” he teased, finger prodding against her nose.

“Stop it, I’m already blushing,” she buried her face against his ribs.

“I wanna know,” he said, nuzzling his forehead against hers. Roxy revealed her eyes once more, biting at her lip as he watched her.

“Yes.”

“What was I doing?”

“What we just did, moron,” she laughed.

“Anything else that I didn’t get around to doing this time that you thought of?” he said slowly, moving over her, like she was ready to go all over again.

“You were…” Roxy started, somewhat embarrassed by her own imagination. “You were going down on me,” she said in a smaller voice.

“Oh yeah?” he smirked, a spark of devilish nature rushed over his face.

“Eggsy,” she warned him, but he was already moving down her body, kissing at her skin and eyes on her like he was trying to gauge her reaction. She rolled her eyes. When he kissed both of her hip bones, she knew he was going to try it. “Gary!” she warned him more firmly this time.

“Oh, you used my actual name. Kinky.” Eggsy winked at her.

“Stop i-” she tried to kick at his shoulder until his mouth was already on her and that thought left her completely. “Oh, god,” The real thing was beyond what her mind could even conjure. He was a master with his tongue, how it teased and played with her like it was only trained to do such a filthy thing. Roxy’s back arched, feeling and indulging in his mouth against her, sucking nipping at her. “Yes, right there...right...right there,” she whined, hand fixed in his hair. God, he worked so hard with his mouth. When her climax was coming up so beautifully fast, her thighs tightened on instinct, the tension too much for her to take, but it all only urged Eggsy to go faster. She cried out when her orgasm broke, panting on her back, everything tender and number, sweat beading off her skin.

Eggsy moved back up the bed, wiping the corners of his mouth, watching as she tried to regain her breath. “God, you’re beautiful,” he muttered, his finger tracing over her trembling lip. His lips captured hers in an instant, and there was nothing so sweet as feeling his body so tender against hers. When he held her until she fell asleep, she’d never known comfort like it; a security that could never falter.

She was only woken the next morning by her bed shifting. She barely opened her eyes to find Eggsy going to his boxers, fixing them on and noticing that he had stirred Roxy. He moved a little closer to her, but didn’t touch her as she expected him to do.

“I’ve gotta head to work. I’ll…” he stopped. “I’ll see you around,” he whispered, leaving her room and she heard her front door shut. Sitting up in her bed, his words stung her chest. Something had happened, something she couldn’t describe, but things had changed, she knew that for sure.

A full month went by before she’d heard a thing from Eggsy. And it wasn’t even him speaking to her. She wasn’t sure what she’d done wrong, guilt buried in her chest for something she wasn’t even sure on. Every time they were in the hallway together, Eggsy would avoid talking to her, even rushing past her and down the stairs. After the second time this happened, Roxy stopped trying. It hurt her, the way he could just drop her like she was nothing. Was she really just a fucking conquest for him?

She didn’t want to think like that. Roxy knew Eggsy, she knew he was better than that. But still, everything about hurt. Why did he have to pull away so fast and without warning, breaking her without doing a damn thing? She didn’t deserve that, but she couldn’t find it in her to hate him, against everything in her body telling her to condemn the man. Roxy couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Roxy was sitting in her apartment, marking off the grades for her new class she had taken. She didn’t get to see Daisy anymore as she’d moved to the next grade, and Roxy had all new students under her belt to try to get to know, remember and teach. Next door, however, she heard Eggsy and his friends getting ready for a night out. It wasn’t uncommon, she’d heard them many times in the last month, more than she’d ever heard them before their time together.

“So, what happened with you and that chick you hooked up with?” One of his friends piped up and Roxy immediately perked. She got up slowly, and without making a sound, moved to the wall, pressing her ear to it.

“Shut it,” Eggsy spat back.

“What? You said you really liked her,” he replied. Roxy bit at her lip. Eggsy sighed.

“She’s my sister’s teacher. I didn’t even realise how much of a conflict of interest this is for her. I fucked up.” And she finally got it; why he was distant that morning, why he tried to avoid her at every turn. He didn’t want her to….

Did he really think that she hadn’t thought about it? About them? What it meant for her career? Roxy wanted to hit him so bad in that moment, but she couldn’t blame him for his worry, she’d be doing the same.

“But is she even teaching your sister anymore?” The other friend asked. Roxy instinctively shook her head.

“No, but I feel guilty for doing this all,” he told them.

“Eggs, think of it this way,” The second friend started. “If she hits you up next, she wants you, no matter what. See if she calls you,” he told Eggsy. There was a pause.

“Maybe,” he muttered. Eggsy cleared his throat. “We ready to go or what?” he asked, voice louder this time, but he still seemed defeated by it all. The door to his apartment closed and Roxy was left standing and wondering - wondering if she should, let herself go for him after he said nothing. God, this was ridiculous. If she could, she’d talk to him in that moment, but she wasn’t that lucky.

Two more weeks passed, her mind still coming to terms with it, weighing it all. And she was done questioning herself. She just wanted. And she never allowed herself to want before. Kneeling on her bed, her fingers tracing the same spot as always and her other hand readied in a fist. Roxy hesitated before finally knocking against the wall. She waited, trying to hear for a voice, wondered if he’d even say anything or if she’d have to start.

“Hey,” Eggsy’s voice was soft on the other side, surprised in tone, like he didn’t expect himself to reply at all.

“We haven’t spoken in a while,” her voice was weak, but she needed to just hear him.

“Yeah,” he said simply. Roxy sighed, biting into her lip, staring at the wall, begging it for courage. And it gave what she needed - no cluttered surface, but a blank chance that she needed to take.

“Did you want to come over?” she asked. And there was no reply. She waited, this is the longest silence she’d ever encountered. She still waited, wondering if he even wanted to reply. “Eggsy?” Her voice wavered, lip pursed, hoping. There was a knock at her front door, and the shaky exhale she gave out was the only disappointment she let herself feel. She wasn’t going to break over a one-night stand. She was better than that. Walking to her door, she sniffed and put on the fakest smile she could.

When Eggsy stood on the other side, she couldn’t help but let it drop only for it to be replaced by a real one. He looked stunned, like he was trying to find the right words. He swallowed hard, hands bound in fists.

“I fucked up,” he said, jaw clenched tight.

“I know,” she sighed. Opening her door a little wider, she stepped towards him. “No more walls. It’s just you and me,” she said. A grin lingered on his lips.

“Promise?” he asked. Roxy laughed.

“On these thin walls, I promise.” Eggsy laughed before bounding forward, picking Roxy straight off her feet, letting her legs wrap around his body, spinning her around as his face buried into the crook of her neck. They stopped in a slow spin, his breathing hot against her collarbone.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. As her arms around her shoulders, softly playing with his hair.

“Hey,” she said, urging him to look up at her. “Kiss me and prove it,” she teased before his lips found hers in a flash. No matter how much she’d been kissed by those lips before, nothing could overtake the next one that followed. He made every moment feel endless and wonder-filled. She was the luckiest girl in all of London. And Eggsy said the same about her.

#reggsy #reggsy fic #roxy x eggsy #eggsy x roxy #roxy morton #eggsy unwin #my fics #this has been a post

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