#made to last is olaf/kit/beatrice and lemony

[feelinmissfeint]

kit snicket and jordan baker same genre of character

[library-child]

To me, this is a compelling, brilliant scene. It's the turning point for both Lemony's character arc and the story.

Here, Lemony realizes that Hangfire is most certainly Armstrong Feint in disguise. This confronts him and us readers that the story is bound to end in tragedy. Until now, there was the possibility of a happy ending if the good guys only managed to defeat the bad guys. But Lemony was set up for failure from the beginning. No matter what he does next, there won't be a happy ending. The best thing he still can hope to achieve is to save the town and its children from Hangfire, but there will be no way to spare Ellington her suffering.

On a storytelling level, this marks the passing from a children's mystery series to a full-on, unapologetic tragedy. On a character level, this might be a key moment to understand Lemony and his entire generation of volunteer children, such as Kit, Dewey, Olaf, Beatrice, etc.

These children were kidnapped by VFD at a very young age. Many of them were also orphaned. They were isolated from people they knew and trained rigorously since day one. They had it drilled into them that their basic needs and emotions didn't matter and that they only existed to serve the greater good. In return, they got a notion of nobility: They were an aristocracy because their skills and sacrifices made them morally and intellectually superior to regular people. Being stripped of everything they had, these kids clung to those dreams of greatness.

But as they got older, they realized that their elders at VFD didn't live up to their own promises. They were incompetent, callous, and caught up in internal conflicts. So at the beginning of ATWQ, Lemony and his friends seemed to have come up with another notion to fix their emotional crisis. VFD may not be as great as it should be, but they would make it so. They would be overcome the older generation and save the organization and the world from evil. They were going to be heroes. Everything they had gone through would be worthwhile.

But here, Lemony is confronted with the horrible truth that destroys the coping mechanism he's relied on for so long. So now he has to choose to either accept that and be honest about his suspicion or go into complete denial. He chooses the latter. Up until the very last moment, he clings to the illusion that Armstrong may be innocent after all, that he may still save the day. He tries to solve the problem by killing Hangfire, thus going against the very principles that he's been preaching. At the end of ATWQ, he's just traumatized, running away mindlessly and living on the streets.

I think the other volunteers from his generation have to face similar disillusionments. As the schism worsens, some leave or turn against VFD, such as Olivia and Ernest. Others fight teeth and claws to recreate this quiet world utopia they have been raised to believe in. They resort to increasingly violent tactics that only worsen things, like the Volatile Fungus Deportation, the burning of Anwhistle Aquatics, or the murder at the opera. And so they die before their time, by each others' hands or their own poor decisions. They end up as just another failed generation that leaves their children a pile of debris and unanswered question, but also the hope to do better.

[whoslaurapalmer]

“i have at last learned the whereabouts of the evidence that will exonerate me, a phrase which here means ‘prove to the authorities that it is count olaf, and not me, who has started so many fires.’ your suggestion, so many years ago at that picnic, that a tea set would be a handy place to hide anything important and small in the event of a dark day, has turned out to be correct. (incidentally, your other picnic suggestion, that a simple combination of sliced mango, black beans, and chopped celery mixed with black pepper, lime juice, and olive oil would make a delicious chilled salad also turned out to be correct.)

I am on my way now to the valley of four drafts, in order to continue my research on the baudelaire case. I hope also to retrieve the aforementioned evidence at last. it is too late to restore my happiness, of course, but at least I can clear my name. from the site of v.f.d. headquarters I will head straight for the hotel denouement. I should arrive by – well, it wouldn’t be wise to type the date, but it should be easy for you to remember beatrice’s birthday. meet me at the hotel. try to get us a room without ugly curtains.’” slippery slope, p101-102 (lemony’s letter to kit)

-that lemony wasn’t just accused of arson, but of arson he says olaf committed

-kit was the one who suggested the use of the sugar bowl??? (unless there’s some other part of the tea set floating around out there. or actually a real whole entire complete tea set. which is a thought i suppose)

-this is the same salad that sunny remembers beatrice making about ten pages later. beatrice made that salad after all that time!!!

-that picnic sounds like it was a time

-lemony himself was trying to clear his name!! that was something he wanted to do and thought was possible!! this man has been on the run for years over a number of false accusations and lost everything he ever had and has been presumed dead multiple times and still wanted to clear his name. he didn’t think his happiness was possible but he still hoped he could do that. and it’s not only about like, just lemony clearing his name. it’s lemony clearing the baudelaire name, too. it’s lemony telling violet and klaus and sunny’s story and everyone’s story to set things right

-the idea that the hotel denouement might have ugly curtains

[lesbian-in-leather]

📓

YAY okay so asoue is still currently living in my mind rent free so here's one of the many fics I keep thinking about instead of writing:

Post series, after ten year old Beatrice II has found Lemony, she decides to try and work out the truth of VFD, because she realises that the stories she's grown up on were incredibly biased and that the people involved were real people with their own motivations beyond what the Baudelaires saw

(this revelation is prompted partially by hearing Lemony and the Baudelaires disagree on certain things that happened / how people acted, but also by her finding some old films made by Gustav where he recorded the Sugar Bowl Gen while they were growing up and being trained, just messing around and having fun together, summer trips to Lake Lachrymose, rehearsals for self-written plays, etc.)

(can't decide if Sunny would be on Beatrice's side about this or Violet and Klaus'. Leaning towards Beatrice's for the Drama of it all, and she was too young to remember most of what happened anyway)

Bea begins trying to track down former members of VFD, and sends out open communications through all the old channels to say that there will be a ceasefire between both sides of the schism, and any Volunteers or Firestarters that wish to come should go to the rebuilt Hotel Denouement

Obviously Lemony and the Baudelaires go (mostly to ensure that everyone obeys the ceasefire) and Frank and Ernest are there because they gave permission for their hotel to be used, but they have no idea who else will show up

And at this point my ideas keep branching out in different directions and even I don't know how it would go (but I realise this post is already getting long so I've put the various ideas for different characters under the cut. Honestly I had no idea I'd thought about it this much until I went to write it down)

Esmé

She is absolutely alive in every version of this fic. She survived the fire and I refuse to hear differently

However, in most versions at least, she has convinced the world and the other members of VFD that she's been dead for over a decade, until she then just... appears

Probably ignorant of Olaf and Kit's deaths, which leads to her first moment of vulnerability in front of the others (when she finds out what happened to them). This could potentially turn into a full blown or at least semi-redemption arc for her, but I prefer to see it as just an expansion of "the Firestarters weren't evil, but they certainly weren't good either"

She would probably arrive with Carmelita [see Carmelita's section for more on that]

If Carmelita is present, then she's the reason Esmé decides to stay - she refuses to leave her daughter alone with VFD, because she absolutely does not trust them, despite the ceasefire (she knows that they'd do anything if they could justify it to themselves, and risking Carmelita's life could easily be justified with VFD's warped morality)

She is more honest* with Beatrice II (and any other kids) than any of the other adults, because she was always the least enamoured by VFD's teachings, which only furthers Bea's crisis

For the purposes of this fic, I decided Bea's father is Olaf, and Esmé realises it very quickly (Bea reminds her of him in both looks and mannerisms, plus the timelines match up for the last time she knows he was with Kit) and reveals the truth to Bea quite early on

In basically every version she also has fire-related trauma from The Penultimate Peril that she still hasn't dealt with, which is relevant for certain other plotlines [see the Quagmire section] that sometimes come up, but also emphasises her own humanity; she is no longer the terrifying villain - she's still cruel, and vain, and even terrifying (especially to the Baudelaires; I think a lot about their immediate panic response to hearing her laugh again for the first time), but she's also a human person who flinches when a log cracks on the fire

If Beatrice is alive [see Beatrice's section] their relationship would cause conflict with basically everyone else. Contrary to what everyone expects, Esmé isn't furious to find out Beatrice survived - in fact, she seems oddly relieved, and even a little impressed (though she is quick to point out the hypocrisy of Beatrice leaving her children to suffer at the hands of the Firestarters while lecturing everyone else on morality)

The two of them have an odd understanding of one another that makes Beatrice less trustworthy to Violet and Klaus, but serves to make Esmé seem more trustworthy to Bea (and works towards the building understanding between her and the other kids, if they're present)

*by honest, I mean she tells her version of the truth. She is obviously still very biased, but she doesn't tend to try and deliberately conceal anything to do with the other adults or VFD in general, which most of the other adults do because they either want to protect the kids, they have been trained to keep secrets, or they don't want the children to think ill of the Noble adults (especially the dead ones)

Beatrice

I absolutely believe she survived the initial Baudelaire fire, and in this fic her plot goes one of three ways

The first is that she survived the initial fire, but was a patient at Heimlich Hospital and died in the blaze, which leads to the Baudelaires having a lot of guilt, blaming themselves, but then also Violet in particular realises that, before she was a patient, she was fit and healthy (and yet never announced herself to save her children)

This is especially relevant with Bea starts researching, because she'd discover that Beatrice went to Duchess R's ball during the events of the series, so not only was she alive, but she was enjoying herself while her children suffered at the hands of her former friends and associates (this also causes conflict between the kids and Lemony because he didn't tell them)

I don't imagine this version of her plot too often, but I do like the angst potential of the Baudelaires trying to conflate the version of Beatrice that they remember with the woman that they learn about throughout the narrative, especially since I think Klaus would be more concerned with defending her memory than finding out the truth

The second and third versions both involve her surviving and arriving at the Hotel Denouement, finally finding her children again after over a decade of absence

In one version, she started the Baudelaire fire (I have a whole long post someone in my drafts about this theory), and the in other, she didn't

If she didn't, her plot revolves around trying to regain Violet's trust, and learning who her children are and how much they've changed

She wouldn't be able to deal with the fact that they don't need her anymore - that if Sunny or Bea have a nightmare then they go to Violet, and Violet herself took on the role of family protector at the age of fourteen and refuses to relinquish it [which would be a huge part of her plot, see the Baudelaire section] - because it directly contrasts with her need to be the centre of everything (I firmly believe Beatrice tries to ensure that everyone needs her more than she needs them, but suddenly none of her children need her at all)

If she did start the fire (which is my favourite version of her narrative in this fic, but it doesn't always work well with some of the other plots) then all of this would happen, but it would come with a layer of deceit to everything she did. When the truth comes out (thanks to Esmé working it out, likely due to Bea's research and because Esmé is one of the only people to see Beatrice as she truly is) Violet actively renounces Beatrice as her mother, and Klaus finally turns against her (though briefly defends her, believing her to have had a good reason), forcing her to re-evaluate the conviction she'd had in her actions up until that point

Both of these also work with her internal plot of realising her mistakes in the past, and coming to terms with the fact that, as a direct result of her choices both within the series and outside of it, she can't have the life she imagined (thanks to the way VFD raised their recruits, she honestly didn't believe that her absence would be as much of a problem - after all, she was raised without her parents, and she turned out "just fine")

Her relationship with Esmé would be incredibly complex - neither of them trust each other, but Beatrice knows she can't fool Esmé as easily as the others, and there's still a strange amount of trust between them (despite everything). In the Firestarter Beatrice plot they are initially much closer (as Beatrice's morality is even more warped, and she sees Esmé's actions during the series as her "looking after" the Baudelaires, honestly believing Esmé never would have hurt them - obviously not the case, but still), but their relationship completely disintegrates after Esmé crosses the line of revealing what Beatrice had done

Georgina

Disclaimer: while I am absolutely a multi-shipper (ESPECIALLY for the Snicketverse), I do strongly ship Georgina/Esmé and basically this whole section kind of revolves around that. My bad

As much as it very much upsets me to have her be dead, it only really makes sense for her to survive if we use the Netflix canon version of her 'death', because at least there are ways around it. She literally could not survive backing into a sawmill in full view of Olaf and the Baudelaires (and Charles and Sir). I'm sorry but she irrevocably died in the books

Now, if she is dead, I like the angst of having Esmé hoping for the opposite. Like, part of the plot to show Esmé's humanity is that, as more supposedly dead Volunteers show up, she begins to let herself hope that maybe Georgina somehow survived too. Everyone thought Beatrice's death was an absolute certainty, but once she turns up then Esmé starts waiting for Georgina. And then they get further proof that Georgina is dead, and it breaks her all over again

Having said that, I also really like the reunion between Esmé and Georgina working for this same purpose. In this version, Esmé refuses to allow herself to even consider the possibility that Georgina might have survived, until the moment Georgina walks through the door. And for the first time, Esmé completely loses her façade and just breaks down, not even caring who's there to witness it because her Georgie is alive

The third option is that Esmé and Georgina found each other a while before the events of the fic, and while I really like the dynamic it creates of this sort of comedic old-married-couple vibes, that version doesn't really work alongside some of the more serious plotlines. However it does work if that is the reason Bea starts questioning VFD, because she finally meets two of the people who she's been told are terrifying monsters her entire life, and they're just... bickering. And initially she wouldn't see the terrifying sides to them at all, which would call into question everything she'd been told, therefore kickstarting the fic in a slightly more light-hearted direction

There's also a lot of tension between Georgina and Beatrice because of their respective relationships with Esmé, which is especially useful for furthering the tension in the Firestarter Beatrice plotline

Plus if Georgina is present, we get Klaus and Violet Trauma, because Klaus is terrified she'll hypnotise him, and Violet starts second-guessing all of Klaus' decisions because what if she missed the signs again? [feeds into Violet's saviour complex, see the Baudelaire section for more]

The Baudelaires

As I said earlier, I am quite attached to the idea of Sunny being a lot closer to Bea's mindset of "hang on, these were just people, and a lot happened behind the scenes that we didn't see" because of her limited or even non-existent memories of the actual events of the books

Violet and Klaus are a lot more complex. Their journeys are very dependent on which adults survive, in terms of how quickly they realise things and how long it takes them to begin turning on each other

If Beatrice survives, she absolutely divides them, because I think Violet would be more angry than relieved. Yes, she has her mother back, but her mother was fit and able throughout everything they suffered, and just left them to it. Klaus, however, was always closer to his mother, and would be much more overwhelmed with how much he's missed her to hold her absence against her (at least initially assuming she must have had a good reason)

Regardless of which adults survive, Violet would absolutely have to come to terms with the fact that she has no idea who she is if she isn't protecting her family. She's spent every day since the fire crafting her identity around keeping them safe, and in the fic she would finally realise that she doesn't know who she is without that constant need to predict and prevent threats to them ((on a semi-relevant side note, I absolutely believe that Surface Pressure from Encanto is a Violet song))

Klaus would get along immediately with Lemony, and his plot would revolve around deciding whether or not he wants to become a member of VFD (which directly conflicts with Violet's desire to keep him safe, even though he's an adult at this point who doesn't see why she feels the need to control him. This dichotomy of protection Vs control would only be exaggerated by Georgina's presence)

If Fiona's alive, she absolutely comes between Violet and Klaus again, and exaggerates any issues they are already having (their internal plots, whichever Beatrice plot is in play, their issues with each other's chosen life paths, their problems with Sunny and Bea's investigation, etc)

I think the fic would have to ultimately end with Violet renouncing VFD altogether, and going off on her own to figure herself out, while Klaus begins to work with VFD under the tutelage of Lemony. Sunny and Bea's fate is a lot more up in the air, and very dependent on which adults are present, as their investigation would be the main driving force behind the narrative that would shape their individual journeys a lot

Carmelita

I like the idea that she has been semi-trained as a member of VFD, in the sense that she thinks she's received the same training, but Esmé actually gave her a much less traumatic version of the shit they were all forced into as kids, which would be something she'd discover (and potentially resent) over the course of the fic

In one early version of this fic, I though about Lemony kidnapping her in order to recruit her for the new VFD, and they only find out Esmé's alive because she comes in to save her kid (this also reinforces all the negative things Esmé's spent over a decade telling Carmelita about the supposedly-noble side of the schism)

She would also learn to adapt her worldview and become slightly less biased over the course of the fic, because she (like Beatrice II, the Baudelaires, and potentially the Quagmires + Fiona) would be realising how distorted their view of all the adults became after being raised on one side of the schism

If Quigley survives (which I also constantly change my mind about, again, see the Quagmire section) then the two of them start off completely at odds (Kit and Jacques Vs Esmé and (to a much lesser extent) Olaf), but eventually I think they'd start to realise the similarities in what they were taught, as well as recognising the flaws in the adults on their own side

The Quagmires

These three change a lot, but their stories are inherently linked so it made more sense to group them instead of giving them each their own section

I briefly considered the possibility of none of them surviving, but usually it works a lot better if at least one of them got out also it's my fic daydream and the Quagmires being dead makes me too sad

However, they wouldn't arrive until later, giving the initial angst of everyone believing them to be dead

Sometimes Quigley survives on his own (which leads to a lot more drama in his subplot with Carmelita, because he goes from blaming himself to realising that, as a thirteen / fourteen year old, it is absolutely not his fault that he was attacked by a sea monster. Also Kit was literally there and escaped, and this can further his disillusion with the version of the Snicket twins that the Volunteers choose to remember)

Sometimes it's just Isadora and Duncan, as Quigley, Fiona, Fernald and Captain Widdershins had VFD training and sacrificed themselves to save them. In some versions, this happened but the Volunteers didn't die, though Isadora and Duncan temporarily believe they did

If all three of the Quagmires survive, Quigley definitely mirrors Violet as well as Carmelita. Because of the training that links him to Carmelita, he feels that he has to protect his siblings (especially since he failed to do so for so long and they had to suffer while he was being trained - something that would come up in his disillusionment arc as Kit and Jacques were both far more aware of his siblings' situation than they let on, and could have helped them earlier on if they had chosen to)

Isadora and Duncan would both absolutely have a lot of trauma that they never unpacked, especially to do with fire. We know from the book canon how much the fire affected the Baudelaires, and Isadora and Duncan were actually in their house as it was burning down, so they have very similar reactions to fireplaces as Esmé does

I also like the idea of Esmé helping the two of them work through their trauma while simultaneously dealing with her own, and the other adults don't realise she's being nice to them for a long time, because she does so in secret

However, Duncan and Isadora would absolutely struggle accepting help from Esmé, and it would lead to a rift between them as one of them began to trust her faster than the other. Quigley would be absolutely against any association with Esmé at all, but finding out that she's been secretly helping his siblings would be a turning point in his plot with Carmelita

This leads to a very fun subplot revealing that Esmé and the Quagmire parents were in fact very close friends, and that, throughout the series, Esmé was actually working behind the scenes to protect the Quagmires, because she felt very responsible for their situation after having placed them at Prufrock (as per their parents' request). She was the one that ensured they were fed regularly while in Olaf's capture, and she was the reason he kept them both alive instead of killing one and keeping the other for the fortune (obviously very bare minimum, but she's still not a good person, and she was very aware that if Olaf realised she cared about them, there was a very significant risk of him dropping her, so she had to be subtle)

One of the old files Bea uncovers includes a photograph of Esmé and the Quagmire parents, each holding one of the triplets as babies. This leads to a long arc, during which it is revealed that the Quagmire parents were Firestarters. In the Firestarter Beatrice version, Beatrice reveals this in retaliation to Esmé revealing she started the Baudelaire fire, or vice-versa. Esmé deliberately conceals the Quagmire parents' allegiance because she sees how the Baudelaires are responding to Beatrice's questionable decisions, and she doesn't want the Quagmires to think of their parents that way

The Widdershins Family

If the three of them survive the Great Unknown, I usually imagine them doing so together. However, I do really like the potential rift dead!Widdershins would cause between Fernald and Fiona, due to the years Fernald spent apart from them, and Fiona not feeling like he has the right to grieve him. Especially if Widdershins died protecting Fernald (plus I don't really have an arc for Widdershins to go through. Sorry my guy)

Part of Fernald's subplot (if he survived) would be facing up for his part in what happened to the Baudelaires, despite Fiona's objections ("I was just following orders" is not a good enough excuse, especially now that the kids are older and think back on how the White Faced Women disobeyed Olaf when he crossed a line and left, meaning Fernald could have done the same at literally any time)

Fernald also is called out for his creepy, predatory behaviour towards Violet (who is literally younger than his kid sister) and she absolutely refuses to forgive him, leading to conflict with Klaus (who wants to at least give him a chance for Fiona's sake. This is also partially because he never really saw much of the shit Fernald said to her in the book canon, as it was usually when they were alone, and Violet didn't want to worry her siblings)

A large part of Fiona's plot would be trying to clear her brother's name by uncovering the truth behind Anwhistle Aquatics, as she believes Fernald to be innocent. The truth would be somewhere in the middle, emphasising the overarching theme of grey-morality within VFD

[snicketstrange]

Rereading The End Chapter 11

TE Chapter 11 - In chapter 11 the schism takes place. Apparently it's something really violent and worrisome. If there were weapons in the hands of some, it is possible that there would have been deaths. Interestingly, this schism only proves that even Ish's attempts to keep the peace on the island didn't work. Even if the Baudelaires had not reached the island, the schism would have taken place. The End has proven to be one of the few ASOUE books in which the plot advances independently of the Baudelaires' presence. And this is increasingly reinforced in the speeches of the characters and Lemony, who claim that the story of the Baudelaires is not the only story in the world. In TE they are more witnesses to the events. This is a counterpoint to their performance in TPP. In TPP their presence and decisions affected the fate of many people who were in the hotel. But on the island, they're just castaways who are less willing to change than many of the characters who were already there. This time the cause of the schism is the question of whether it is worth sacrificing the fun that a non-peaceful life brings or not. Of course you could just talk about it, but it's hard to convince people of anything. This is even a religious issue. Erewhon came from a peaceful island, and ended up on another peaceful island. He wanted to venture out into the world, and take risks and have the fun of a free life as a reward. On the other hand, Alonso came had a troubled life involved in politics, and all he wanted was a quiet life. Is it worth leaving the peace promoted by a rigid religious community and venturing far away? It is interesting that the solution to the problem was well ahead of everyone: those who wanted a life full of adventure and problems should have the courage to venture out to sea and leave the island. But the real problem is that these people didn't want to leave the island. They wanted to stay on the island and make the island a place full of dangerous adventures, and drive out those who defended the distance from the dangers of the world. War was practically inevitable, as it was not just an ideological issue... It became a territorial issue: who would be able to stay on the island and establish their way of thinking there? Daniel Handler exemplifies here how civil wars start. I found it interesting that Friday is the most confusing... She says that all she wanted was a simple life with her father and mother together. She doesn't think that learning to read is making life difficult. Suddenly, the schism that seemed to have only two sides starts to fragment, each one screaming that they prefer something different. We can assume that the VFD schisms ended up generating several fragmentations, taking as an example what happened on the island. It is interesting that only Olaf calls Ishmael Ish. But let's talk about Olaf's monologue, which is just as intriguing as Ish's monologue. I will summarize the important parts of the monologue here: - Oh, Ish, I told you many years ago that I would triumph over you someday, and at last that day has arrived. My (female) associate with the weekday for a name (Monday) told me that you were still hiding out on this island. She (Monday) was trying to blackmail an old man who was involved in a political scandal. Well... that's the only part that really matters in Olaf's monologue. And the fact that Poe was once an actor. So... Who is Monday? She is a woman, who was an associate of Olaf. She knew Ish was on the island, which makes us assume she was someone who was on the island at the same time as Ish. She left the island or at the time Beatrice and Bertrand left there, making her a former supporter of Beatrice and Bertrand or she left the island at the time Thursday left the island. Another important piece of information is that Olaf swore he would triumph over Ish. This shows that Ish ended up becoming an important leader of one of the VFD factions. Olaf wanted to triumph over Ish, certainly he wanted to defeat the ideology espoused by Ish. Another important detail we have here is that, unlike the Netflix series, in which Olaf frees himself from his prison, in the book TE Olaf is released by some who believed he had enough power to dethrone Ish. This attitude certainly reflects what had happened years earlier, when one of the VFD factions decided to enlist Olaf's help in destroying the deadly MM fungus. No longer part of Olaf's monologue, but rather a dialogue in which Olaf explains the differences between him and Ish, we have a very important phrase for us to understand the VFD schism: "If you were to wash the clay off Ishmael's feet, you'd see he has the same tattoo as I do... The difference is that Ishmael is unarmed. He abandoned his weapons long ago, during the V.F.D. schism, refusing to use violence of any sort." Olaf speaks here about The VFD Schism. The use of the definite article only makes me conclude that it refers to the Great Schism. Ish is old enough to have been a part of VFD since before the Great Schism. He also has the tattoo, indicating that he had been part of the organization since before this event that took place in Kit and Dewey's childhood. Hence we have the conclusion that Ish was part of the side that refused guns of any kind. This underscores the nature of the Great Schism of VFD: one side advocated violence as a mechanism to bring peace, after all for them fire must be fought with fire. The other side, which Ish supported, argued that the world should be quiet, and refused to use violence of any kind. In ATWQ and in some parts of TBL we find texts that reflect the way of thinking of the pacifist side of VFD. And we also know that Olaf stayed on the pacifist side of VFD along with Lemony and Beatrice for a few years. But eventually Olaf became an outspoken villain, meaning Oalf stopped trying to help the world. His violent methods are not motivated by an attempt to fight fire with fire. He's greedy, and that's evident here when he wants to become king of the island. Lemony soon realized that fire sometimes needed to be fought with fire when he killed Hangfire. Kit, Beatrice and Bertrad, as adults, also surrendered to the ideology that it is sometimes necessary to kill people to bring peace. They didn't become outright villains. They just changed their views. And, after many years, we have witnessed the downfall of the main herald of total pacifism in VFD history: Ish. "Don't be so sure about that," Ishmael said, and raised an object in the air so everyone could see it... Now the weapon was adding another chapter to its secret history, and was pointing right at Count Olaf. "I had Omeros keep this weapon handy," Ishmael said, "instead of tossing it in the arboretum, because I thought you might escape from that cage, Count Olaf, just as I escaped from the cage you put me in when you set fire to my home... I'm going to do what I should have done years ago, Olaf, and slaughter you. I'm going to fire this harpoon gun right into that bulging belly of yours!" I find it interesting that Olaf denies setting fire to Ish's house. For some reason, I believe him. It is not like Olaf to deny having killed someone when his cover is no longer working. Anyway, we already know Ish shot him. And I find it very bizarre that Olaf falls down laughing, as if he has triumphed over Ish. After all, Olaf managed to turn the harbour of peace into someone violent, not only by inducing him to kill him, but also by making him responsible for the deaths of dozens of people. Olaf could have displayed the helmet containing the MM fungus, and made Ish surrender. But that wouldn't have been as complete a victory as making Ish an assassin. Of course, this at the same time induced him to unmask his hypocrisy in front of everyone on the island. Ish showed that she was a hypocrite by guarding a weapon. Ish showed he was a liar by showing that he had no foot problems. Olaf had managed to turn the Baudelaires into arsonists and now managed to turn Ish into an assassin. It is true that there is nothing to indicate that Olaf planned all this unfolding of events. However, as he fell to the ground laughing, he certainly thought about how all this just proved that he had indeed triumphed.

[snicketsleuth]

A chronology/reading order of Lemony Snicket’s works

The works of Lemony Snicket are often a conglomeration of documents from various sources and authors, frequently presented out of order. The following article intends to better classify the aforementioned documents by determining when they were written, forwarded, read and later made available to the general public (e.g. “us”, the readers).

This list has two purposes:

it can be used as a reading order suggestion for people who may want to experience the narrative in a more chronological manner

it is an attempt to put various events in relation to one another and create a more coherent picture of Lemony’s life, particularly regarding the various documents scattered across Lemony Snicket’s un-Authorized Autobiography and The Beatrice Letters.

This list is neither official nor to be taken as granted. In order to make sense of the chronology, some arbitrary decisions and interpretations had to be made. If you do not agree with the logic of the chronology, please feel free to express your views in the comments.

A quick reminder on the abbreviations used within this article:

LSUA = Lemony Snicket’s un-Authorized Autobiography

TBL = The Beatrice Letters

FU:13SI = File Under: 13 Suspicious Incidents

For futher references, please also refer to the timeline (Link) whose purpose is to classify events within the series which do not match the creation/publication of a particular document.

More after the cut.

Before “All The Wrong Questions”

An unnamed member of V.F.D. writes a letter to secretary J. regarding the potential recruitment of a young volunteer (LSUA, p.52). The youngster in question is implied to be Daniel Handler himself (according to LSUA’s index).

Lemony meets Beatrice for the first time then sends her an apology note (TBL, LS to BB #1).

During “All The Wrong Questions”

NA (although the supplementary material FU:13SI happens between “When Did You See Her Last?” and “Shouldn’t You Be In School?”).

Between “All The Wrong Questions” and “The Bad Beginning”

Lemony writes to Beatrice about an upcoming expedition (TBL, LS to BB #2).

The official V.F.D. disguise kit manual is written (LSUA, pp.99-108). The recruitment guide (LSUA, pp.189-191) could also have been written at the same time. NB: the disguise kit manual and the recruitment could actually be much older than that. However the disguise kit manual mentions sugar bowls, which implies that it would have been written at around the same time period as the earliest mentions of the sugar bowl (first vineyard letter, LSUA, pp.84-86, see below). Note that sugar bowls are never mentioned in “All The Wrong Questions”, which seems VFD’s obsession with the sugar bowl only started after Lemony graduated and became a dramatic critic.

Lemony writes to Beatrice to warn her that he will soon be appointed as dramatic critic for the “Daily Punctillo” (TBL, LS to BB #3).

Beatrice writes a poem hidden inside the booklet of her play (TBL, last pages) but Lemony fails to notice it.

Lemony writes to Beatrice to schedule a date where he plans to ask her hand in marriage (TBL, LS to BB #4).

Lemony writes a letter regarding his childhood memories to Dr. Charley Patton ( LSUA, pp.8-21) before his intended marriage to Beatrice. An unidentified person will later make notes to this letter, remarking on inconsistencies in Lemony’s testimony.

Lemony writes a scathing review of Olaf’s new play (LSUA, p.77-79), also announcing his upcoming marriage to Beatrice.

Jacques (who is currently working inside the Queequeg) learns of Lemony’s review and writes his brother a letter, telling him 1) to go to Damocles Dock in order to plan his exile, 2) not to contact Beatrice ever again. He also mentions that Lemony should expect to get fired from the Daily Punctillo very soon.

The next day, Eleonora publishes a retractation and announces Lemony is fired (LSUA, p.80). She also announces the beginning of a new column by Geraldine Julienne.

The same week, Lemony manages to slip his rebuttal to Eleonora’s retractation into a morning edition of the newspaper (LSUA, p.81). Eleonora submits a second retraction in the evening edition (LSUA, p.82) and confirms that Geraldine’s column is scheduled to begin the next day.

The Vineyard of Flagrant Drapes writes a letter to Lemony, urging him to cancel the wedding as Olaf plans to crash it (LSUA, pp.84-86). This letter is later acquired by the Duchess of Winnipeg somehow.

After the debacle, Lemony is forced to hide in a VFD headquarter. During that time, the (real?) Captain S. writes instructions to Lemony so he can escape from the country on the Prospero (LSUA, pp.109-111), remarking on Lemony’s firing, and includes tickets with the letter (LSUA, pp.112-113). This letter and the tickets are sent to Larry in Damocles Dock so he can give them to Lemony when he gets there.

A crisis meeting is held with different members of VFD. J., the secretary, writes a live transcript of this meeting (LSUA, pp.33-47). It appears that the “J.” and “K.” characters present at the meeting are not Jacques and Kit, although Daniel Handler appears to be there. Several photographs (LSUA, pp.48-51) will later be added to this transcript. Olaf and Esme crash the meeting, threatening to light it on fire unless the volunteers agree with their demands.

After the meeting, the volunteers have no safe place left in the vicinity. Lemony has nowhere to go. He receives a break-up letter from Beatrice, brought to him by carrier pigeons, and answers back with a coded letter regarding her co-star’s possible duplicity (TBL, LS to BB #5).

Lemony then supposedly receives Jacques’ letter around that time and goes to Damocles Dock. Larry gives Lemony the Captain’s letter and the tickets.

A photograph of the ship is taken on the day it leaves port (LSUA, p.91). The Daily Punctillo publishes an article about the ship’s mysterious departure (LSUA, pp.93-95).

Lemony writes to Beatrice to warn her of an upcoming danger (TBL, LS to BB #6). It seems likely that this message was sent some time before Sunny’s birth but there’s also an argument for Violet’s and Klaus’.

During “The Bad Beginning”

As soon as her learns about the Baudelaire fire, Lemony dispatches Brett Helquist to draw the scene of the crime. Helquist draws the smoldering remains of the Baudelaire mansion and writes a letter to Lemony with said drawings enclosed   (LSUA, pp.182-183). He plans to discuss both documents at the Valorous Farm Dairy where a meeting with Lemony Snicket and photographer Meredith Heuer has been set.

Lemony writes an early draft of the first chapter of “The Bad Beginning” (LSUA, pp.177-178). Babs later receives this early draft and writes a note to Hal (LSUA, p.176) so he can add it to the Snicket file. Lemony also writes a letter to his sister (LSUA, p.192) announcing his intention to write a book on the Baudelaire case.

Between “The Bad Beginning” and “The Reptile Room”

The new dramatic critic of the Daily Punctillo (not Lemony) writes a scathing review of Al Funcoot’s play. Enraged that Olaf is being criticized, Esme writes to Geraldine Julienne to pressure Eleonora Poe into firing the dramatic critic, as well as to enquire about Jerome Squalor’s habits. The critic is fired by Eleronora Poe. Geraldine answers Esme’s letter (LSUA, p.119-120), confirming the new critic’s firing, with a menu of the restaurant at which Jerome usually eats (LSUA, p.121).

Gustav Sebald writes a movie script to warn Montgomery Montgomery of his new assistant and of the survivor of the Baudelaire fire (LSUA, pp.61-65).

The movie is shot. A photograph of a toddler helping Gustav build the snowman is taken, with Gustav not actually appearing in the picture as he was hidden behind the snowman (LSUA, p.71). A photograph of the actor playing Young Rölf is later taken (LSUA, p.53 and p.57). Other miscellaneous pictures of the production are taken during that time (LSUA, p.68, p.69, p.70).

Lemony realizes that Montgomery Montgomery does not know the Sebald code and that the plan needs to be changed. He schedules a meeting with Gustav Sebald near the Swarthy Swamp. On his way to the meeting, Gustav is spotted by Olaf who drowns him.

Lemony arrives at the appointment and waits nineteen hours for Gustav Sebald in the Swarthy Swamp. To pass the time, he writes a letter to the cheesemakers (LSUA, pp.55-60). Lemony is unaware that Gustav is actually already there, drowned at the bottom of the swamp.

Between “The Reptile Room” and “The Wide Window”

A review of “Zombies in the Snow” by Lena Pukalie (an anagram of real-life film critic Pauline Kael) is published (LSUA, p.165) and finds its way to Lemony’s commonplace book.

During “The Wide Window”

A photograph of the Baudelaire orphans on Damocles Dock is taken by a mysterious person. Two copies of this photograph later end up in possession of K./R. (who later sends it to Olivia Caliban a.k.a Madame Lulu).

Between “The Wide Window” and “The Miserable Mill”

Jacques Snicket visits Olivia Caliban at Caligari Carnival and asks her if his brother is alive. She gives him a copy of the photograph which R. sent to her, indicating that Lemony may be currently tracking down the Baudelaire orphans from his taxi. Jacques leaves to investigate Dr. Montgomery’s house as he knows that a book on the secret Mortmain Mountains is kept there. When he arrives, he is surprised to find Quigley. Jacques gives his copy of the photograph to Quigley.

Olaf’s henchmen kill Firstein in Paltryville, intent on replacing him with the Bald Man under the pseudonym of Flacutono. They use the the lumbermill’s machines to destroy Firstein’s remains.  Jacques learns of Firstein’s death and leaves for Paltryville, instructing Quigley to stay behind. In Paltryville, Jacques manages to send his investigation to the Daily Punctillo for an article. But Jacques is discovered by Olaf’s agents and has to flee. Because the body parts are unindentifiable, Detective Smith covers up the murder as the accidental death of an unknown person. Sir does not explain his foreman’s sudden disappearance to the workers. The Daily Punctillo uses Smith’s version for its final version of the article (LSUA, p.118). An earlier edition of Jacques’ article did survive (LSUA, p.117).

Jerome and Esme spend an evening together, at the end of which Esme bullies Jerome into marrying her.

Jerome schedules a wedding at the Vineyard of Flagrant Grapes where Esme hopes to receive the sugar bowl (perhaps because she expects Jacques to attend his friend’s wedding). The vineyard writes back, confirming the wedding but declining Esme’s request (LSUA, pp.84-86). Somehow the Duchess of Winnipeg later manages to get her hand on this letter. Jerome also sends a wedding invitation to Jacques Snicket. Fernald starts working as a doorman at 667 Dark Avenue in order to intercept any letter Jerome may be supposed to receive.

The Duchess fears that keeping the two vineyard letters is no longer safe for her. Unaware that Isaac Anwhistle is dead, she writes a letter to Kit Snicket, asking her to archive the two vineyard letters (LSUA, p.83).

Jacques finds out that Esme plans to marry Jerome in order to access the old V.F.D headquarter at 667 Dark Avenue. Fearing the worst, he writes Jerome a letter (LSUA, pp.122-124), but the wedding happened so quickly that Jerome was probably already married by the time Jacques found out about his engagement. Sometime during Jerome’s and Esme’s honeymoon, Jacques’ letter is intercepted by Fernald who works as a disguised doorman. Fernald and Olaf’s allies analyze Jacques’ letter and find out the village where he is hiding. 

Between “The Miserable Mill” and “The Austere Academy”

An unnamed person adds a photograph of the Quagmire triplets (with a note) to the “Zombies in the snow” file in the Sebald archives (LSUA, p.70). This is because the movie was made for Montgomery Montgomery and Quigley Quagmire eventually escaped from his childhood home to Montgomery’s house.

Lemony Snicket writes Sally Sebald to inform her of Georgina Orwell’s death. Sally answers, informing him of the circumstances in which the survivor of the Baudelaire fire was hidden (LSUA, pp.66-71). Sally also finds the photograph of the Quagmire triplets inside the file and does not understand what it’s doing there. Lemony will later replace the photograph of the triplets with a photograph of people “around the same age”.

During “The Austere Academy”

At this point in time, first editions of “The Bad Beginning” and “The Reptile” apparently already exist. We see excerpts of these two books later on in other documents. This edition finds its way to a library which has recently been overtaken by the tweed-coat-wearing librarian. This is a contentious topic as “The Reptile Room” mentions Klaus and Violet reflecting on its events “years later” even though only a few months/weeks have passed at the time of the book’s publication. One can only assume that these passages are either:

 the result of Lemony making reasonable assumptions on Klaus’ and Violet’s future,

additions which Lemony made years later as he kept updating the books with new details of his investigations (in which case what we, the readers, are reading is not the first edition of the book read by Al Funcoot’s fan, bur rather a later edition). This is plausible because “The Bad Beginning” got an updated edition called “The Bad Beginning: Rare Edition” with additional notes regarding Lemony’s more recent findings on the events depicted in the book.

Al Funcoot (probably Olaf under a pen name) writes to one of his fans, ordering him to investigate the fate of Montgomery’s collection of reptiles. The henchman goes to his local library and reads excerpts of “The Reptile Room” (LSUA, pp.147-148).

The henchman (now disguised as a cow) roams the surrounding of Lousy Lane, looking for survivors of Montgomery’s collection. The henchman noticeably hears the Dissonant Toad who is repeating something he once heard Olaf say. Supposedly the comment made by Olaf on how incovenient it is to drown someone happened the night of Monty’s murder. The toad was in the Reptile Room that night and heard Olaf kill Montgomery, after which he wondered aloud how he was going to dispose of the body. The henchman disguised as a cow also spots the Mamba du Mal as well as other reptiles. The henchman later reaches the Valorous Farm Dairy but does not dare approach the location.

The henchman disguised a cow sends Al Funcoot his own report of the events (LSUA, pp.145-153). The information from his report will later be used by Olaf’s allies to find and kill the survivors of Montgomery’s collection. Only the Incredibly Deadly Viper is now safe for now at the Valorous Farm Dairy.

Growing frustrated with his unsuccessful hunt for the Incredibly Deadly Viper, the henchman disguised as a cow finally works up the courage to ask the cheesemakers about the reptiles. Suspecting his ill intentions, the cheesemakers immediately write a postcard to Lemony so he can be warned that Olaf’s henchmen are looking for reptiles near the Valorous Farm Dairy (LSUA, pp.155-156).

Lemony writes a letter to the Duchess, announcing his intention to attend her Masked Ball (LSUA, p.144) even though the survivors of Montgomery’s collection are being hunted.

Supposedly the events of the Masked Ball happen soon after (Lemony flashes back to the Masked Ball in the beginning of the eleventh chapter of “The Austere Academy”). After the Masked Ball, Coach Genghis arrives at Prufrock Prep (fourth chapter of “The Austere Academy”).

Between “The Austere Academy” and “The Ersatz Elevator”

Jerome, who never received Jacques’ letter, writes Jacques to announce Esme their plans to adopt some children (LSUA, p.125).

Quigley, growing impatient, reads an article of “The Daily Punctillo” which describes his siblings’ kidnapping. He leaves for Paltryville.

Jerome writes a letter to Jacques Snicket, lamenting the fact his friend wasn’t present at his wedding (LSUA, p.125). Esme is planning to acquire the custody of the Baudelaire orphans during that time.

During that time, the tweed-coat-wearing librarian seems to change jobs as he now works at Prufrock Prep. Carmelita Spats runs into him, which earns him an appareance in her autobiography (LSUA, p.171).

During “The Ersatz Elevator”

The Duchess (or somebody impersonating her) writes a letter to Lemony (LSUA, pp.25-28). This letter was supposedly written during the “first few days” that the Baudelaire orphans spent with Esme and Jerome at 667 Dark Avenue (mentioned in Chapter Three of “The Ersatz Elevator”), before Gunther’s arrival.

At the In auction, the Esme Squalor fan club bids on the corpse of the Mamba du Mal. This is reported by the In Auction catalog (LSUA, p.164) and Lemony includes a page of the catalog in his commonplace book.

Lemony sends the cheesemakers a note (LSUA, p.159) with the contents of his commonplace book (LSUA, pp.161-175). The excerpts contained in the commonplace book are intended to warn the cheesemakers of the reptiles of montgomery’s collection and the secret messages/codes they can communicate. One of the excerpts is a newspaper describing how the Mamba du Mal was killed and auctioned.

At the Valorous Farm Dairy, the meeting planned by Meredith, Brett and Lemony goes haywire as they have been spotted by the villain disguised as a cow. The dairy is burned down by the villain but Meredith manages to take one last photograph of the dairy before the fire (LSUA, p.185). The three volunteers flee. Lemony leaves a copy of his drawing of the burned down Baudelaire mansion behind in the commotion.

Detective Smith covers up the arson when reporters of the Daily Punctillo come to investigate the fire. He provides the reporters with Brett’s drawing, unaware that it actually concerns the Baudelaire mansion. The drawing may have ended up in the archives of the Daily Punctillo. The Daily Punctillo publishes an article on the “accident” (LSUA, p.184).

During “The Vile Village”

Lemony receives the suspicious letter from the Duchess at Veblen Hall while he’s interviewing witnesses about who was driving the car on the day the Quagmire triplets were smuggled out of the city by Olaf. He fears that someone may be impersonating the Duchess and writes a note about it (LSUA, p.30).

While the Baudelaire orphans are working at the Village of Fowl Devotees, Arthur Poe meets his sister Eleonora Poe in Damocles Dock. Their conversation is recorded by a mysterious individual (LSUA, pp.134-137). The transcript of the recording is later found by an unnamed individual.

During “The Hostile Hospital”

Olaf (under the alias of Al Funcoot) knows that the Baudelaire orphans are probably somewhere in the Hinterlands and that they’ll soon try to use a telephone or a telegram machine. In order to thwart them, he writes to Eleonora Poe under the alias of Al Funcoot, convincing her to publish articles about the danger of telephone poles and fake telegrams, and later writes to an unnamed person about said article. Esme also manages to phone/write Geraldine Julienne, ordering her to lock up Eleonora Poe once the articles are published.

Eleonora writes to Arthur Poe, warning him of the danger of fake telegrams. The telegram sent by the Baudelaire orphans in the Last Chance General Store (LSUA, p.140) reaches Arthur’s bank some time later and is as such ignored.

During "The Carnivorous Carnival”

While the Baudelaire orphans try to use the phone at Caligari Carnival, the unnamed person chops down the telephone poles. This ends the connection, leaving the Baudelaire orphans confused as to why the person on the other end isn’t responding anymore. Later on, the unnamed person writes back to “Al Funcoot” (LSUA, p.132-133), thanking him for the article.

Kit roams the financial district looking for scraps of newspapers. She writes a note about that to the cheesemakers (LSUA, letter on pp.75-76). The note and the scraps of newspapers are later found by an unknown person (LSUA, note to file on p.75).

During “The Slippery Slope”

Geraldine Julienne locks up Eleonora in the basement of the Daily Punctillo’s building. Eleonora sends a telegram to her brother (LSUA, p.141), but the message is ignored by Arthur Poe on the account of her article.

During “The Grim Grotto”

As he’s following the Baudelaire orphans’ footsteps, Lemony writes a letter to his sister Kit Snicket, instructing her to meet him at the Hotel Denouement, and slips it into the pages of the manuscript (end of Chapter Five) of “The Slippery Slope”. It’s extremely unlikely Kit ever received the manuscript as she seems to believe her brother is dead in “The End”. Indeed the V.F.D. meeting scheduled at Hotel Denouement happens during “The Penultimate Peril”, which would leave barely a day for said manuscript to be forwarded to Kit. One can only assume that the letter was kept within the manuscript and never removed (for sentimental reasons?). Interestingly the letter does not specify a date and “Hotel Denouement” could refer to the underground library beneath the pond rather than the building on the surface, which means that said meeting could have been scheduled much later than the building’s eventual destruction.

Arthur Poe sends a thank-you letter to Eleonora (LSUA, pp.138-139), including the two telegrams he received (LSUA, pp.140-141).

During “The End”

Remora slips on a banana peel and quits his job at Prufrock Prep. Kit Snicket is hired to replace him and teaches at Prufrock Preparatory School for a few days. This supposedly happens during the “days” the Baudelaire orphans live with the Islanders doing pretty much nothing on the Island (this undefined time period is described in Chapter Five of “The End). A photograph (LSUA, p. 127 and p. 142) is taken of Kit “supervizing” the children during gym class. Genghis and Tench no longer teach at Prufrock, so without anyone to teach them the Prufrock students just sit around looking at a camera during their gym class. During that time, Kit also seems to write a note (LSUA, p.154) about receiving the postcard intended for Lemony by the Prufrock librarian.

The Daily Punctillo publishes an article warning parents about their children reading forbidden books. The Spats parents send that article to Nero who subsequently fires Kit Snicket and writes back to the Spats parents in gratitude (LSUA, pp.129-131).

After “Chapter Fourteen”

Lemony eventually publishes an updated edition of “The Bad Beginning” with additional notes (The Bad Beginning: Rare Edition) in which he announces his intention to release the thirteenth and final volume of “A Series Of Unfortunate Events”.

Lemony is officially declared by the authorities. The Daily Punctillo publishes an official declaration of death, announcing a burial even though no body was identified (LSUA, p.3, see also the back cover with Lemony’s note). Lemony attends his own burial where photographs are taken (LSUA, p.4 and p.7). Lemony writes a note to explain the photograph and the Daily punctillo clipping and adds it to the Autobiography file (LSUA, pp.5-7).

Beatrice Baudelaire Jr eventually learns of his uncle and his research on the Baudelaire file. She starts tracking him down and sends him several letters (TBL, BB to LS #1, #2, #3, #4 and #5). Lemony does not answer these letters as he believes the author of these letters to be Esme impersonating Beatrice Baudelaire Sr.

Beatrice Baudelaire Jr eventually meet in person at a party. During the party, Beatrice Baudelaire Jr writes her uncle an apology note (TBL, BB to LS #6). Daniel Handler later writes about this party (LSUA, pp. ix-xvii and p.193) and the autobiography is finally published.

Lemony decides to publish the letters of both Beatrices and writes a letter to his editor (TBL, foreword). The final volume of “A Series of Unfortunate Events” (including “Chapter Fourteen”, which seems to have been written conjointly with Beatrice Baudelaire Jr) and “The Beatrice Letters” are then published.

[soymimikyu]

Food in Netflix’s Series of Unfortunate Events: Season 3

It is over. I finally finished season 3 about 2 hours ago and needed the time to recover and process the ending. While I have only faint memories of the ending in the book, this ending seemed very different (and I want to say I liked it more? I just recall being let down by the way the books ended; however, I was quite young at the time...).

Here is the final set of food notes from the show. The final season was comparatively sparse, but there were some interesting culinary choices. I hope you enjoy!

(Also, since this is the final installment, if anyone enjoyed my rambling carefully curated notes on food in TV shows, I would happily take requests to do this for a different show in the future. It was fun and gave me much to think about in the kitchen.)

Today’s notes are brought to you by Glassworks - Opening played by Ólafsson (because that I what I’m listening to).

Food in The Slippery Slope

Sarsaparilla

What Olaf drinks and discards while driving. It is flat. The bottle helps Violet and Klaus determine which fork to take.

Coffee and Tea

What pretentious people drink according to Olaf

Absinthe

A random beverage that popped into Olaf’s mind.

Marshmallows

Made Brucie the Snow Scout Leader sick after eating too many.

I really want to make these! Gelatin is such a fun platform for cooking so many things! The real goal would be blooming marshmallow flowers with whiskied caramel hot chocolate!

Rutabaga

What the circus freaks plan on growing on their farm.

Hot Dogs

What Olaf’s cooks with this troupe.

Brandy Sidecar or Coffee

What Esme wants with Breakfast.

A Brandy sidecar is a cocktail of cognac, cointreau (orange flavored liqueur), and lemon juice. Sounds pretty tasty -- I think (I know next to nothing about drinks...).

Frozen Orange Juice

Found by Sunny in trunk.

She uses this to make Sorbet.

Salmon

Caught in the stricken stream by Hook-handed man and given to Sunny. She prepares Sashimi with this.

Hot Cider [X]

Quigley’s last meal with his mother. What saved him from the fire.

Canned Peaches

Quigley’s meal at Montgomery’s.

Montgomery had a lot of canned peaches (or just two cans) because the Hook handed man in season 1 is also eating canned peaches when posing as a detective. Nothing wrong with this -- canned peaches are delicious.

Poisonous Berries

Mr. Poe tries to help by finding Breakfast.

I often see poisonous berries as red in TV (I am thinking mostly of a specific seen in the Netflix Witcher series) and it made me curious if real poison berries are always red. Nope: nightshade (duh) is black, and several other harmful berries are also black/blue. Some are orange. Given the brightness of these berries I am going to guess they were Mezereon or Elderberry.

Granola Bar

Mr. Poe has these. Kit has some.

Poe always has granola bars.

Lox

Sunny’s idea for dinner

Pistachios

Lemony is saying something and thinks they are for everyone one.

Parsley Soda

What Sunny gets when she requests a fizzy drink.

Boysenberry Jam

The darkest Jam in the VFD fridge.

This really makes me want good jam or to try jamming. Roasted lamb and jam...not sure where I would easily source lamb right now and is likely to be a far greater headache than I care.

Olives

There were 5 green olives filled with pimento in the jar. It indicated the gathering was on Thursday.

Mustard

All I wrote is the last safe place. I don’t recall the details -- but it was probably a clue.

Mustard is my favorite condiment. I can (and have) eat it plain.

False spring rolls

What was prepared for a meal for Olaf’s troupe by Sunny and Hook handed man.

How did they get wraps on a mountain...maybe you can repurpose a part of a fish to use as wraps. The skin or various internal linings? Seems less appetizing / food safe.

Rutabaga (again)

What Olaf’s troupe wants to grow.

Food in The Grim Grotto

Chewing Gum

Phil only cooks meals with chewing gum.

Chewy Casserole

Chewing gum casserole.

In my experience heating gum or gummy like things often goes very poorly. You can add them towards the end of the cooking process to create some sort of layer -- but definitely not from the start.

Potato and Cod Chowder

Non-gum based meal that Sunny and Phil prepared.

Calamari

What Sunny thinks Olaf’s sonar symbol is.

I fully accept that the children are seriously smart, but where is Sunny learning all of this? Did the books have cooking books (I think so..)? I shall assume that Sunny demands to be read only cooking books as bed time stories.

Soft Pretzels

Olaf wants these. I do too -- I should make them!

Turmeric

In one of Esme’s evil laughs.

Cabernet

Olaf wants wine and gets lost in the octopus submarine looking for some. He pronounces it as Caber-NET.

Horseradish

Cure for the Medusoid Mycelium.

Taragon, Wasabi

Contents of kitchen cabinets while Sunny is sick.

The wasabi is what is used as a culinary substitute and cure. Interestingly, it is Mr. Bobby brand. Would anyone know if this has significance? Brand names in this universe are interesting.

Lemon Lime Soda, Gorgonzola Cheese, Birthday cake for Violet

Contents of the fridge while Klaus and Violet are looking for horse radish.

That is a damn impressive cake. Fondant is really well done. Can you make fondant from gum? Probably not, but Sunny is resourceful and likely found a suitable culinary substitute.

Sub Sandwich

Prepared by Hook-Handed man to delay Olaf form assisting in torturing the children.

Looks like a pretty standard sub on a softer baguette. It appeared to have sliced deli meat.

Chef Salad

Fernald’s analogy for people to emphasize that categorizing people as noble, good, bad, or evil is invalid.

Pig Eating Pork

Ok -- this one is not food, but I was amused by Olaf’s simile to describe his joy.

Food in The Penultimate Peril

The Picnic Basket

I absolutely lost my mind with this scene. We only briefly see the contents of the picnic basket as Violet removes the top layer to reveal the concierge disguises Kit prepared. I paused and replayed this seen maybe 10 times to examine what was in that top layer. I then needed to cross reference some incomplete descriptions with two large pastry books (thankfully they have an entrement section...). I feel reasonably successful:

Millefeuille [X]

This is napoleon. Adding a flavor to the custard is a great way to modernize this dessert.

Cream Puffs (Might be a profiterole) [X -- I’ve done eclairs]

Choux pastry is very forgiving and a good entry point into fancier pastries. It forms the basis of eclairs, cream puffs, and, if you are crazy, croquembouche.

3 Layer cake

Unclear what more to say. Since these are all french pastries, perhaps the sponge is genoise?

Mini Opera Cake

Opera cake is layers of Joconde sponge (almond sponge) flavored with coffee syrup, layered with italian butter cream, and then topped with chocolate ganache. It was something I planned on making before everything closed down (I can’t eat it myself X.x).

Madeleine or Beignet [X]

Since this was a picnic basket, I am leaning in favor of Madeleines. They fit the other set of deserts better than a Beignet.

Nut Entrement

I think is this another cake, but it is unclear. I can’t seem to source this one either. Maybe it is carrot cake! That often has nuts around the perimeter.

Sauvignon Blanc

Olaf’s wine of choice

Aqueous Martini

Jerome’s drink of choice.

Indian Food

Larry, in his last waiter position, poses in an Indian Restaurant. Poe orders a glass of milk.

The Barking Gin Distiller Dry Goods

Interesting brand on the bag belonging to a lady on the trolley during the sequence when Justice Strauss is searching for the Children.

Tea

In flash back with Kit and Esme. Kit likes her tea as bitter as worm wood and sharp as a double edged sword.

Sausages

Crow meat and an analogy for learning the Law (you don’t want to know how the sausage is made, just like you don’t want to know how the law works).

Too much pepper and makes the court audience cough.

Food in The End

Root Beer Float [X]

Lemony has one. It is his thirteenth.

Waffles

Partially consumed by the man following Lemony at the diner.

Mixed Nuts

All that is left to eat on the boat. Sunny offers some to Olaf, but he knocks it into the sea.

Ceviche

Since the islanders don’t have any spice, they eat raw fish.

I have never had this, but recall reading in a book about sushi how it was integrated by some sushi chefs in South America into more traditional Japanese cuisine.

Fermented Coconut Cordial

I have no idea how you could get anything resembling an opioid from fermenting coconut water. Unless Ish is adding something, this seems suspect. Fermenting something sweet and earthy also does not really sound appealing.

Wasabi and Wormwood

Sunny’s suggestions on how to treat the Medusoid Mycelium.

Wormwood and related foods appear often.

Apple

Modified by Bertrand and Beatrice to contain the sugars giving immunity to the Medusoid Mycelium.

Chocolate Cake [X]

SQUEEE this was adorable. Sunny makes a cake for Beatrice II’s first birthday.

Salad

Shared by Fiona and Fernald.

Root Beer Float

Shared between Lemony and Beatrice II as she tells him the remaining story.

I want to believe that this is his 14th root beer float.

Black Bean and Mango Salad

Sunny makes this during the Finnish Female Pirates incident as told by Beatrice II.

This sounds amazing! Slightly ripe mango with a citrusy black bean mixture would be delightful!

[beatricebidelaire]

flannel weather

summary: Kit and Bertrand talk relationships while at Briny Beach.

word count: ~700

alt: ao3

She couldn’t help but think, couldn’t help but wonder, couldn’t help to be terrified at the idea of - what if this is as good as it ever gets?

What if this is how things would always be, she falling into the arms of someone who made Jacques’s face twist into an unpleasant frown, someone who the organization disapproved of? From the girl with ambiguous smile she escaped jail with on the train ride, to the boy who was fascinated with playing with matches and vowed to become a famous actor. Both of whom Jacques had warned her against, both of whom Lemony had voiced disapproving opinions on - but then, she had assumed he was just parroting Jacques. It was a lie she told herself, of course. Lemony never was the type to parrot. He always had his own opinions on everything.

What if this was as good as it ever gets? Falling in love with the people her siblings warned her against and eventually breaking up because of their vastly different views on the organization, proving her siblings right. What if this was as good as it ever gets?

She didn’t want to think about this. She didn’t want to ask this question out loud - there were probably going to be some people commenting that “you can hardly go downhill after Olaf” but that would be missing the point. Of course there were lots of people better than Olaf. She wished they were the ones she could’ve fallen in love with, could’ve dated.

She didn’t want to ask the question out loud, except maybe to one person.

“What if this is as good as it ever gets?” She asked, as they were lying on the sands of Briny Beach on a chilly, cloudy autumn day. She watched as the ocean waves crashed onto the sands in a distance. “I mean, I guess I’ll live with that. I’ve always survived. It’s just bleak to think that when it comes to love that this is might be how it’s going to be. What if it’s never going to be more?”

“Kit,” Bertrand said slowly. “You don’t only fall in love with people Jacques and VFD disapprove of. They’re just the only ones you allow yourself to make a move on because you know those relationships aren’t going to last, because you don’t think you’re ready for something that’s permanent yet.”

She pushed her body up and turned to look at him with narrowed eyes. “Excuse me? Don’t project your commitment-phobia onto me.”

He scowled. “I’m not -”

“Isn’t that why you’re having your arrangement with E?” She looked at him, her eyes all too shrewd.

He scoffed, as if what she was saying was ridiculous, as if he’s not going to dignify that with an answer. She thought it was probably just that he didn’t know how to refute a truth like that. And granted, she’s biased when it comes to Ernest, but that didn’t mean she was wrong about this.

After a moment of silence, he finally said. “I just like him, that’s all.”

A part of her knew that he wasn’t completely off base in his remarks of her not ready for something permanent yet. Permanence, when it was about family and friendships, was a concept she took comfort in. People that would always be there, homes one could always go back to. But for something like a romance, permanence felt binding and too huge and the idea of forever scared her, even if she was worried about her current condition being the best it would ever get. She could worry about multiple things that contradict each other. It’s called having depth, she told herself.

Their eyes met, and he shrugged, the earlier tension between them evaporating so suddenly (in the back of her mind, she wondered where it went). His mouth curved up in amusement. “Or we can get married and each have affairs on the side.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s actually not too bad.”

“Maybe I’ll call dibs on Beatrice,” he added, casually as if it was an afterthought.

She kicked the sands in his direction. “Oh fuck off.”  She gazed at the oceans again. “Well, that’s a backup plan, I guess.”

“Cheers, Snicket.”

[badlydrawndrawnings]

atwq book four thoughts

guess who somehow got a lot of free time yesterday and made the bold decision to finish reading the last atwq book? me!

guees who feels like they jinxed qwerty’s fate from the previous book of being arrested, but alive, even though i bet daniel handler planned it from the start? still me!

guess who is rather upset netflix accidentally gave a clue/spoiler on the identity of hangfire?

also me.

okay, so first off, to get something out of the way. i love this book. i really do. it had me on suspense every chapter.

theodora figured out qwerty was in vfd (...when did she figure out? not long after sharon reveal herself as a fake vfd member? or during the period she and lemony weren’t speaking to each other?), and god she really was willing to take the blame on being qwerty’s killer. did she think maybe she once again screw up, but this time there was no going back because the screw up got someone killed? after all she seem to selfishly went to break qwerty out for a good evaluation. maybe she thought if things went different, he would still be alive. and given the schism happened, vfd while not divided yet, this is like a sign on how another librarian’s death in the long, long future, will be blame on an innocent party and things go to hell again in the pursuit of justice and truth.

also, ghede and gifford also knew of the coup as well? or at least knew the sbg was doing something and they’re like let them do this shit and we can watch it’s gonna benefit us in the long run’. also, holy shit olaf name drop take two with beatrice herself! i didn’t think while knowing each other young mean they actually hanged out with one another to think they’re possibility friends. this puts the opera night even worse. beatrice must have knew olaf’s parents. with my headcanon of olaf parents being caring parents to olaf and used their connections to get their son back earlier than others, this is just awful.

getting back on track from the mess that is vfd there’s a murder on a train (agatha christie ahoy!). i admit several weeks ago i made the decision to watch snowpiercer and train to busan so i couldn’t really take the murder on the orient express shout out clearly and kept on thinking of the wild willy wonka and the chocolate factory/snow piercer theory. and zombies in south korea. 

all the damn sbts kids just thought it great to share the one brain cell to be on the same train (pip and squeak just follow in their taxi; cleo and jake had to travel through time in the dilemma to catch up with them). ornette got her time to shine with her artistic/sculpting skills and there’s some light on the subject of the lost family (of course it’s a fire that took ornette’s mom life. fires seems to be a way to kill a lot of parents). i was right to call her gung-ho working with lemony, she just agreed to make fake bb statues for moxie and kellar and was like ‘oh shit the two are sharing a brain cell. hangfire could figure something is up what have i done’ and had to make something else to give to lemony. i uh..wonder if seth has a reason to draw her baseball cap all...fuzzy. just a weird question.

kellar’s sister lizzie shows up. i’m going to be honest. she has the bad luck of appearing last and under two disguises that went over my head (she sure fooled me!). i do have some thoughts that surround her and the haines family, but that needs me to re-read the last two books to make sure i’m not imagining something . will say lizzie is much younger and shorter than i thought given her first illustration. i hope maybe a re-read will make me get some new insight on her. also, hi sally murphy. i’m glad lizzie got out with maybe your help (i mean, why else would she want to high tail it out of there).

the identity of qwerty’s killer was something i should have seen coming due to how the mitchum parents are more subdue. i want to slap stew’s parents. they spend all their time bickering they only got their shit together to see how their ‘precious’ son is really a bully and killer and working with the villian under their damn noses. i almost feel sorry for them because shit stew more or less blackmail his parents into covering the crime but at the same time...this call could have been avoid if you pay attention to how your son isn’t the angel you think he is..and you two are still fighting with one another please get your priorities straight i beg you. i admit i almost want to slap stew but i don’t slap kids, and i think if i exist in the snicket world i would get murder first by him.

qwerty’s death and the fact he’s a vfd member just hurt me so bad and i’m still kind of grieving over him. for one, i felt like i should have seen qwerty being part of vfd coming. he’s a sub-librarian. while not a sub-sub-librarian, the fact is qwerty is such so damn helpful to lemony i should have seen he was just doing his best to help lemony because theodora wasn’t honestly...wasn’t doing a good job at a chaperone. but he couldn’t blow away his cover because he wasn’t supposed to interfere in the apprenticeship and honestly he was just happy to be a sub-librarian helping children find what they would love reading.

but qwerty isn’t the only death in this book. i got to copy-paste something from an old atwq post in feburary 8, something i made as a joke, because oh boy, this part is the one negative i have honestly.

he tried to pretend to be her father! i know his voice mimicry is basically akin to juni cortez’s mimicry, but this is just cruel had ellington been there.

about a week later, i made the decision to rewatch netflix asoue. now, the first time i watch season two [edit lmao i actually don’t remember if it was season two i think i hated season two so much i could have blur two and three together i got to rewatch the show again definitely. edit two: okay, i’m certain it was season two i’m 98% certain it was was a pause and read easter egg that’s why i couldn’t remember what season exactly damn easter eggs] i honestly was like ‘so they gave nero a last name. coolio. feint isn’t a surname i was expecting but this is the netflix show this probably isn’t canon to the books’.

on the rewatch, after the austere academy part two ended, i realized something is...off, with nero now. he’s mocking people. and his voice, while not mimicking them, is like...it’s like nero could have inherit mimicry from someone but it never went through. or maybe he did got it but it’s not at its full potential without the proper teaching of someone with the skill...like a father, perhaps?

so the kronk meme is playing in my mind, but it’s the edit of him saying ‘oh no, it’s all coming together’. and given patrick warburton also voice kronk, it felt more like lemony snicket decided to materialize right behind me, be an asshole, and thought it funny to do a commentary on my possible realization hangfire, in the netflix show at least, couldn’t keep his dick in his pants and bore a bastard son in an adulterous affair and ellington has a half brother in the world she doesn’t know about and i hope she never learns about.

(given barrymore feint is just a cameo of barry sonnenfeld, i guess the bullshit gene i talked about in another post regarding a theory who netflix!h is should be renamed the feint gene.)

so reading the third book, and especially this book, i kept a close eye on any mentions to ellington’s dad and hangfire’s behavior. i kept on saying in my mind ‘please don’t be who i think you are’. and bam. armstrong feint is hangfire. i feel like if netflix didn’t have the need to make an atwq reference in nero’s surname, and if i was smart enough to have the book clues smack me in the face (i feel there are clues somewhere, and hangfire dropped all pretenses and just being ‘himself’ in book two was one), i wouldn’t be so angry and upset by this reveal. i more or less got spoil and put the pieces together due to an adaptation, and i should have known better than to do a re-watch while reading atwq. i should have consider the possibility of easter eggs to atwq.

anyway, lemony snicket thought it great to kill hangfire by feeding him to a copy bombinating beast (the tadpoles!!). with ellington right freaking there. with most of his sbts friends there to witness. moxie can’t even look lemony in the eye anymore (no more best friends anymore). everything happened just like that and after finishing the book and taking a walk around the living room, i have to say hangfire is a good villain. he achieved his goal of getting the bombinating beast, even if it’s a copy. he’s a very competent villain who succeed in almost every book in some way or form. he played everyone like a puppet and was a threat that is more akin to tmwabbnh and twwhbnb’s level of villainy. kudos to you hangfire i’m impressed. 

hangfire totally got it coming too. however, i do feel...hurt in his death, if only for ellington’s sake. during the walk because i realize ellington reminded me of a character from a different fandom i’m in. there’s some differences that i won’t get into (it’s...complicated for the other fandom), but they’re cut from almost the same cloth: teenage girls with shitty fathers who are using them for their own selfish goals. thoughts for ellington and her future formed faster for me than for the other atwq kids as a result:

post-canon!ellington (a few days later when she finally gets her stuff figure out), has a simple list. 1: avoiding anyone with a vfd tattoo or give shady lemon vibes -ellington split asap after she and kit broke out and have 100% certainly no one is after them, but not before stealing some things from kit, one being notes of vfd volunteers (she thinks). 2: find a new place to live. 3: figure out a new name that isn’t an anagram, because the inhumane society once they heard the news, is probably going to try to get her if they get wind she is hangfire’s daughter and possible ‘successor’. ellington wants nothing to do with the bombinating beast. she never wants to see the statue or anything similar, or hear the words again.

adult!ellington (under a fake name of course), while accepting all that happened, hasn’t forgive lemony snicket. yes, her dad was a villain. yes, she finally understand her dad isn’t the kind naturalist and man, and used her for the biggest ‘what’ event of her life that is also a very selfish goal. many times in the past though, ellington wonders if she missed any signs of her dad’s descend to who he eventually became, or if he hid it very well to where he was wearing two masks all this time, one hiding his true nature. ellington even wonders at one point, dad was going convince her to willingly work with him without the fake kidnapping and had to change his plans to something crueler.

ellington will never know for sure. this is why ellington can’t forgive lemony and will say it to face if they ever meet again. what ellington hates the most out of her father’s death is that she can never tell dad all of her feelings about his wrong doings. she can ask all the questions burning at the back of her mind, or yell her frustrations how terrible a father he is for faking his kidnapping and getting her to do his dirty work, getting her to use her loyalty of family to do things she would never do under normal circumstances. she ask questions and yells at the only photo left of armstrong feint...

and in the end, she knows he’ll never answer, and it hurts to deal with the unknown. adult!ellington doesn’t do the yelling and questioning to the photo as much. partly because she did ‘settle’ on what might be an possible answer, but mostly because the photo is pretty faded to where it’s less ‘armstrong feint’ and more ‘hangfire’. once in awhile though, she slips up like old times.

adult!ellington with her new life (she travels a lot, pays in cash most of the time, and has no set resident; she still love coffee) tends to think of the past, especially when it came to what she had with lemony snicket. did lemony like her? was she just a question in need of solving? ellington admits to possibly liking him, but it was so long ago maybe she just thinks she liked him to have a ‘positive’ memory of the boy she haven’t seen in years that she kind of wants to see again, if only to yell at him for robbing her of something important. his name lands on her radar a lot, twice from the daily punctilio. the first one was learning of lemony snicket’s crimes, and it was an accident.

the second time, she learn of his death, though she read the daily punctilio on purpose in hopes of a name drop. adult!ellington ended up finding some children’s book, and made the mistake of going to the back of it and find a photo of lemony snicket. not really though. lemony is hiding his face (ellington hates it) and she buys it to know what it’s about. it spiral to where she bought the next two books because she wants to know if the baudelaires orphans are real (and because lemony doesn’t seem the same anymore from his writings). ellington settles on real when she pulls out kit snicket’s notes she stolen and cross references names, and even travels to the locations to them to make sure. after the third book publication, the series goes on ‘hiatus’ due to the daily punctilio and their announcement. ellington doubts he’s dead, but couldn’t help attend the funeral. ellington is certain lemony snicket is alive, because she convinced she saw him at his own funeral.

[vfdbaudelairefile13]

Authors notes: There are brief descriptions of violence against a minor and brief discussion of Olaf's sick intentions with Violet. Read with caution. It isn't the main focus of the chapter but it is mentioned here and there. So read with caution.

Also, sorry if this chapter is super long I just kept adding a lot of shit and I honestly like how it turned out.

Notes:

First off I just want to apologize for how long this chapter took. Time has gotten away from me but I can promise that part three will be a day to day posting schedule like part one. Carnivorous Carnival might still have a couple days in between each chapter cause I am in the process of finding a new second job, still dealing with two jobs, and even moving. So updates won't take this long but they won't be day to day. I am hoping for the first chapter of CC to be posted in three days. Maybe even Thursday. I do appreciate the support this fic has gotten and I can't wait to wow y'all with part three.

That being said, we are at the last chapter of Hostile Hospital and I am feeling very emotional about that mere prospect. This just means we are close to the end of part two and near the start of part three. during the time in between parts two and three I will be posting a number of random one shots cause I don't plan to post until I have finished writing Grim Grotto to it's completion because Slippery Slope might be as long as Hostile Hospital has been.

So thank you all again for the support. Hope you enjoy the ending of HH.

-Sue

__________________________________________________

                                   Chapter Fifty-Seven:

The One With An Unhinged Madman and a Very Flawed, Daring Escape

Olaf smiled happily down at the film that was now in his hands. The Snicket File? He thought as his smile grew bigger. All he could think about was who he expected to be in this film. He had believed it would’ve been the love of his life, Kit Snicket. He glanced from the film towards Esme. Esme was looking at the young orphan boy with a cold, murderous expression. He stole a glance towards the unconscious girl that laid limp and lifeless on the cutting table. Then he slowly turned his gaze to the young boy and hidden toddler who stood before him. He smiled viciously at them as he secured the film into his pocket.

The villain’s smile widened when Esme had helped him reveal the orphans’ true identity to the crowd. He watched a terrified Klaus slowly begin to panic. The villain reveled in his young adversary’s fear. He glanced around. Bored with his plot. He was curious to know what was on the Snicket file and to tell the truth, he was eager to see Kit’s face again. Olaf glanced at Esme while Klaus and Sunny were too distracted by the audience to notice. Olaf was signaling for Esme to take care of the orphans while he dipped out momentarily to investigate the file. Esme gave a slow nod as she focused on causing the orphans more turmoil. Olaf looked around the stage for a way to escape undetected. But he didn’t have to think for too long because the blind old man who was in charge of the Library of Records had entered the room accusing the children of theft.

Olaf took this golden opportunity to leave the operating theater of Heimlich Hospital as he walked excitedly down the halls towards the Library of Records. All the while, he had taken the film out of his pocket and was staring at it with heavy eyes the entire duration of his walk. As he walked further and further away from the operating theater, he could faintly hear the desperate voice of Klaus Baudelaire asking where he had gone, he smirked with triumph as he rounded a corner finding the door to the library. He stepped inside the Library of Records smiling at the damage that his girlfriend had done when she was in pursuit of those awful orphans. He quickly found the area of the room where the projectors had been placed.

As he began to play the film, his face turned from happy to one of pure confusion. As he stared speechless at a ghost. Olaf was visibly upset. When he was told about the Snicket file, he hadn’t expected to see a Snicket brother on film. He grabbed the film’s case scanning it for a date. Of course, in good VFD fashion, there was no date of production, just the broad name. He slammed the case down in pure annoyance.

His eyes widened as he stared emotionless at Jacques Snicket. “But, before I do, I have an important update,” Jacques explained but Olaf couldn’t help but be merely distracted on who he could see. Olaf knew for a fact that he had murdered Jacques Snicket. He cocked his head to the side as he stared at Jacques, a volatile mix of emotions causing him to groan in annoyance as the volunteer spoke. Olaf had expected to see Kit Snicket, not her pesky, meddlesome twin brother who he had recently slain. He leaned his chin in his hand, feigning a yawn. Trying his best to mask his complete and utter discomfort for this situation. He scoffed aloud as he rolled his eyes, confused as to what he was feeling exactly.

It couldn’t be guilt. I’ve sunk too low to ever feel guilt and have empathy for another soul. He had thought with another quick eye roll. He had half a mind to turn off the film.

What information could Jacques Snicket possibly have that could be useful to me?

But as Olaf reached for the switch to turn it off. Jacques Snicket said it. Jacques said the haunting secret that the three orphans had learned moments before Esme Squalor burst into the library and successfully kidnapped Violet.

The vile man’s demeanor was calm, like the air that filled the Library of Records. But his cold demeanor was also very chilling. Anyone who knew Olaf well would take one look at him and accuse the man who sat in the Library of Records to be an imposter. He chuckled nervously, but in a low whisper as if he were afraid of others hearing him. For a brief moment, Olaf simply stared blankly towards the film. Jacques Snicket spoke on but Olaf paid him no attention. As if Jacques’ initial statement had frozen him in time. Jacques’ secret replayed in Olaf’s head in a continuous loop not allowing him a brief moment of peace. Olaf shook his head violently, but other than that his motions were bare, his demeanor was still calm.

After another few moments like that, Olaf stopped the film, rewound it to the very beginning, and turned it back on. Again, he listened to Jacques’ revelation about the recent fires. This time when he heard Jacques' theory, his heart stopped. A chill was sent over him.

It can’t be. He thought to himself desperately. Quickly succumbing to anxiety and paranoia that was now creeping in on him, he glanced around the empty library. He stood up from his seat to get a better look around. He wasn’t sure why but he could feel his heart beating in his chest as he surveyed the area for his older enemies.

Olaf wouldn’t admit to anyone that he was afraid, even though he was. He knew that if the kids knew that there was a survivor; and he had a strong feeling that the children did, in fact, know what was on the film seeing that Klaus was hesitant to hand it over to Esme, only handing it over because he thought it would be a good bargaining chip for Violet’s life. But if the kids knew there was a survivor and they somehow got to the survivor first, before Olaf could, he knew that that would only mean terrible things for him. Who knows what Beatrice, Bertrand, and Lemony would do to him if they ever found out just what he had done to their children and even some of the vile things he had planned especially when it came to the eldest orphan. His breathing was slowly going back to normal as he shook his head again.

He scoffed as he turned off the film again. He waited for it to rewind as he kept shaking his head defiantly. “What does Jacques Snicket know? Nothing. That’s what.” he tried to convince himself. “He was always a know-it-all with no way to back anything up.” But no matter what he said aloud to himself, nothing was convincing him that he was safe from the parents’ wrath.

He ran one of his hands nervously through his disgusting, grey hair. “No. No. Lemony is dead.” he said shakily. But then he remembered how a struggling violet was desperately crying out for her father when he was using the anesthetic to subdue her. “Remember...you...you killed him. You set his apartment building ablaze!” the vile man began to nervously laugh at this statement. He was hoping for his laugh to come out shrill and villainous, as it usually does, but it came out nervous and unenthusiastic. “Killing him...and whoever else was unfortunate enough to die,”

His eyes widened when he remembered the young teen girl that was strapped to a gurney in the middle of the operating theater. How did she survive? How did she escape the fire? That question now haunted him more than it had when he had first laid eyes on her at Prufrock. When he immediately recognized her as a miniature Beatrice with Lemony’s blue eyes. Olaf remembers when he had set the fire it was in the early hours of the morning or late hours of the evening (depending on how you look at), surely Violet would have been sleeping or inside her home when he started the fire.  

So if an untrained fourteen-year-old girl could escape the fire I set….who’s to say, Lemony Snicket, a man who has had a lifetime of training in a cult, couldn’t escape as well? He thought to himself. He rubbed the side of his face anxiously.

“Get a grip, Olaf.” He told himself as he stopped the film. “She only escaped because that brat is lucky,” he smirked as he remembers her lifeless, limp body laying on a gurney in the operating theater. “And her luck is soon going to run out.”

He took a small breath. “Besides, there’s no way he survived...he would’ve shown his face by now.” The vile man reasoned, but to be honest, he wasn’t too sure. Olaf did not think it made sense for Lemony to risk his life for two children that weren't biologically his but not even try to rescue his own child. He also highly doubted Bertrand and Beatrice wouldn’t have shown their faces in an effort to save their kids. He began to nervously laugh as he shook his head. “Maybe...I misheard Jacques. He always played that stupid hearing game with Lemony…” Olaf stated, still trying to find some logical way to debunk what he heard Jacques Snicket say.

As he rewound the film once more, Olaf took a deep breath and played it again. Olaf’s eyes fixated on Jacques as he listened attentively as Jacques explained that Lemony was either dead or on the lam. Olaf’s eyes widened as he shook his head defiantly. “No. Lemony Snicket is dead,” he told himself. He hoped that if he said it out loud enough times then it would stay true. He desperately wanted that statement to stay true. He wanted Lemony Snicket to be dead.

Olaf glared slightly at the vision of Jacques Snicket. Grimacing, groaning, and growling as the ‘noble’ man spoke. It was like Jacques Snicket had come back from the dead to deliver Olaf some bad news. Jacques was always the bearer of bad news when Olaf was still working alongside the Snickets. He grabbed the file’s case once more and threw it to the ground when he couldn’t find a date. Even with the film’s metallic case cling ing on the ground as it bounced from being thrown, Olaf could still hear every word Jacques was saying loud and clear.

 “It seems there may have been a survivor of a recent fire,” Jacques said again. Olaf grumbled as he kicked the air in front of his feet. Even while sitting he managed to stomp both feet as if he were a child throwing a temper tantrum and not simply a very highly unstable grown man going through his seventh midlife crisis in the last several months. As his hand ran through his hair again, he took a firm grip, slightly pulling in anger and desperation.

“Of course…” he cried, mockingly. “Of fucking course!”

His breathing became sharp and quick but not from fear as it had only a few minutes ago. Now his breathing was irregular because of his anger. He felt a tear or two form in his eyes as he thought about how the people who have wronged him could still be alive.

“No,” he cried out. His voice was somewhat desperate but mainly defeated. “No! This isn’t fair!” He screeched as he rewound the film again, not caring to turn it off. The film rewound although this rewind had slightly distorted the video. But Olaf didn’t pay it any attention. “ Nothing ever goes my way!” He barked, his voice still dripped desperation even if he was trying his best to mask it. He thought of each and every scheme that had failed since his pursuit of Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire, this revelation caused him to growl. It was bad enough that the kids were surviving him but now their hypocritical parents?

“I can’t believe it,” Olaf whined. “ This changes everything!” The vicious man grabbed at his hair again, pulling at it aggressively as he growled inhumanely. His mind flashed to the unconscious girl on the cutting table, the bespectacled boy who was desperately trying to rescue her, and the simpering infant with the sharp teeth.

“ They’re supposed to be orphans!”  He growled, shaking with each word.

As he yelled that last sentence, he shut his mouth abruptly. His expressionless face slowly growing into a Grinch-like grin as his eyes shone with an idea. He began to laugh lightly as if he had just remembered a joke that Esme or one of his troupe members had told him.

Olaf’s world was currently spiraling as his happiness about getting his revenge against Lemony Snicket may not have actually happened or that his second-hand revenge against Bertrand Markson and Beatrice Baudelaire didn’t occur either and this revelation sent him in a frenzy. The mere idea of a survivor had his entire soul heated up.

His face grew dark as he thought, once more, about their three plucky children. A cruel, vicious smile appeared on the man’s face. “ It would be fun to deal with the survivor and their precious children.” He said aloud, his light laughter turned into full-grown villainous howling as his dark mind began to imagine cruel scenarios for the survivor and their children. A cruel smile appeared on his face as he began to fantasize about how he would ‘take care’ of these orphans in front of their parents.

He thought first about little Sunny, and how he would rip the infant limb from limb, listening to her screams and cries of agony and her parents and siblings horrified pleads. He then thought about Klaus and how he would cut the bookworm in such a way where the young boy slowly bled out agonizingly slow, somehow surviving through to the very end of Olaf’s madness, only to be killed the last second when Olaf finally decides to put him out of his misery with a quick slit of his throat. The sick man reveled in the screams that the survivor and Klaus would be making. He already knew how fun it was to carve up the middle orphan as if he were a pumpkin in October and he was very eager to do it some more. But then finally, he thought about Violet, the girl who laid unconscious and restrained on the cutting table. A sick smile laced with the cruelest of intentions appeared on his face as he began to imagine all of the dark and twisted things he had planned for little Miss Snicket. The mere prospect of even having an audience to be forced to watch as he breaks their little girl in the cruelest way imaginable made Olaf smile wickedly.

 He could finally cause the survivor more pain than they had caused him and he would use their own children to do so.  Maybe he can twist the cruel reality of a survivor of a recent fire in his favor. It would only take postponing murdering the brats until he found out who was the survivor and then brutally torturing their children to death in front of them. Olaf shrugged his shoulders. It wasn’t what he had initially planned but this gave him more time to torment the children and that always made him feel a little happier.

Finally, Olaf stood turning to leave. He felt as though he had been away from the operating theater for too long and he was beginning to worry that the others couldn’t handle the Baudelaires and an unconscious Snicket girl. He would be so fucking pissed if Esme and the others lost his little pet. But as he turned his back to Jacques Snicket for the last time, film Jacques said it once more. “There may be a survivor of a recent fire.”

Olaf took one deep breath as he stood motionless for a second. Jacques’ words hitting Olaf slowly as if Jacques were standing right in front of him, stabbing him cruelly.  “I know!” Olaf hissed, his hands slowly tightening to white-knuckled fists. He let out a vicious growl that caused his whole body to shake aggressively.

Olaf turned towards the projector rapidly as he shoved the projector that played the film down onto the table. In a fit of blind rage, Olaf gripped the projector and began to beat it repeatedly against the table. “ Baudelaire!” he hissed as he continued to beat the projector against the table. “ Markson!” He growled again as he turned towards the chair that he had sat in and kicked it with all his might. As the psychotic man hissed, “ Snicket!” the chair flew across the room only stopping when it collided with one of the filing cabinets that had survived Esme’s rampage. He turned back towards the projector continuing to slam it against the table, eventually shoving it down and then pounding on the table with his fists. “ NOOOOOOO!” He bellowed in the empty library. His voice echoing and bouncing off the walls

He gripped onto the projector one last time and rapidly smacked it against the table once more and carefully watched with curiosity when a small flame had illuminated. Olaf instinctively tried to swat it out but then as his eyes shone bright with an idea, his face went dark with no emotion besides cold ruthlessness.

He slowly bent down towards the flame, his face darkening as his sick thoughts danced around his head laced with cruel intentions. He softly blew at the flame, nurturing it, allowing it to grow into a full-fledged fire. As he gazed at the intoxicating orange flames, reveling in the intense high he was feeling, he merely shrugged his shoulders.

What’s one more fire?

________________________________________________________________

Klaus gazed up at the crowd nervously as he and Sunny jumped when they heard a familiar laugh, far above them. The two younger orphans glanced at one another nervously and then focused their gazes towards the intercom speaker that was above them. The siblings had heard this laughter when Olaf had first captured the Quagmire triplets and Sunny, and when Esme had successfully pushed Klaus and Violet down the elevator shaft at 667 Dark Avenue, and when he had trapped the two older siblings in a locked Deluxe Cell or trapped Sunny and the Quagmires in a small cage at the bottom of an elevator shaft, a statue of a red herring, and a fountain. It was the triumphant laughter of someone who has cooked up a fiendish plot and succeeded, although it always sounded like the laughter of someone who has just told an excellent joke. Because he was laughing over the scratchy intercom, Olaf sounded as if he had a piece of aluminum foil over his mouth, but the laughter was still loud enough to help wear off the anesthesia only slightly, and Violet murmured something and tried to move her restrained arms.

“Oops,” Olaf said, interrupting his laughter when he noticed the intercom was on. “Attention!” Olaf cried as Klaus cried out a desperate ‘no’ in response. “This is Doctor Mattathias Medical-School with some very important news. A terrible fire has broken out in Heimlich Hospital.”

The crowd around the children gasped as they all stood up from their seats. Even the troupe and Esme glanced at one another nervously. “The fire was set in the Library of Records by that Baudelaire murderer and his baby accomplice!”

“ Toddler!” Sunny corrected as the crowd began to glare at her and her brother.

“Sunny, not the time,” Klaus whispered as he continued to gaze up at the intercom, silently pleading for Olaf to stop his treachery. He shook his head as Olaf spoke and continued to mouth the word ‘no’.

“The fire has spread through a number of wards. The orphans are still at large, so do everything you can to find them, arrest them, and bring them to me. ” he hissed into the intercom.

“No,” Sunny whimpered as the crowd around the children glared intensely.

“Oh, and you might want to evacuate the building...or move the patients...or something,” Olaf said nonchalantly. “Thank you. That is all.”

Their enemy’s voice disappeared in a matter of seconds. Klaus looked around desperately. “We...we...we couldn’t have started the fire! We’ve been in this operating theater the whole time!” he reasoned.

“Get them!” One nurse cried. “Somebody tell Mattathias we’ve captured the children!” she turned to Klaus and Sunny. “You three brats are in big trouble. You’re murderers, arsonists, kidnappers, and now spurious doctors.”

“Don’t forget thieves!” Hal cried, holding up the fake key ring.

“They get that from their mother!” Esme cried angrily, glaring daggers at Klaus.

“That’s…” Klaus began but then he looked towards his sisters. “Not...not all of that is true...I only disguised myself...to save…” But as he looked around, he feared that no one was believing him. He looked at the spurious keyring in Hals’ hands that he and his sisters had used to sneak into the Library of Records. He looked at his ripped medical coat, which he had used to disguise himself as a doctor and he looked at the rusty blade in his own hands, which he had just been holding over his unconscious older sister. Klaus remembered when he and Sunny lived with Uncle Monty, and the two siblings, with some help from a disguised Lemony Snicket, brought several objects to Mr. Poe as evidence to Olaf’s treacherous plot. Because of the small objects, Olaf was placed under arrest, and now Klaus was afraid that the same would happen to him and his sisters.

“Surround them!” The Hook-Handed Man cried, pointing at the children with a curved glove. “But be careful. The bookworm still has the knife!”

Olaf’s associates spread out in a circle and slowly began walking towards the youngsters at all angles. Sunny whimpered in fright and ran behind Klaus’ legs as Klaus was trying to guard both his sisters. Klaus quickly picked Sunny up and put her on the gurney.

“Capture those orphans!” a doctor cried.

The two white-faced women smiled wickedly at Klaus and Sunny. “We’ll perform surgery on all three of you!” one of the women shouted causing Esme to facepalm.

Hal looked to them in disbelief. “What?” he asked. “No, the children will go to prison, of course.”

“Well, technically they’ll be in juvenile detention until they come of age,” the henchperson of indeterminate gender explained.

“Ridiculous!” the bald man cried. “They should be tried as adults.”

“Murderers should get the chair,” one white-faced woman argued.

“We’re talking about children,” Hal complained.

“Very small chairs, then,” the other white-faced woman commented as the troupe took another step towards the children.

“We can discuss the details after we arrest them,” a volunteer fighting disease cried.

“Yeah! Stop arguing and arrest them!” another cried.

“That’s what we’re doing, you fool!” Esme cried impatiently, but when she turned her head towards the two Baudelaire orphans and the drowsy Snicket girl they saw her wink. “We’re going to capture only one of you,” she said, in a quiet voice so the audience couldn’t hear her. She had her eyes focused on Klaus, who backed into Violet’s gurney causing the Snicket girl to shriek slightly.

Sunny turned towards Violet. “Shhhh, it’s okay,” she whimpered to the drowsy Violet as she pets her hair softly.

Esme smiled as she glanced down at her stiletto shoes. “This in footwear isn’t just useful for making me look glamorous and feminine,” she explained as she took one of her heels off and pointed it right at the children. “These stilettos are perfect for slitting children’s throats.” she hissed under her breath, taking a small step closer to Klaus, who adjusted the large, rusty knife in his hands. “The two bratty girl orphans will be killed while trying to escape from justice, leaving the one bratty, little Baudelaire boy to give us the fortune.”

“You’ll never get your hands on our inheritance,” Klaus cried. “Or your shoes at my sisters’ throats.”

Esme merely shrugged. “We’ll see,” she cried, as she swung her shoe at Klaus as if it were a sword. Klaus ducked quickly and felt the whoosh! Of the air as the blade swept over him. He glanced at Esme confused. She had just explained her intention to kill his sisters not him, so why was she swinging her shoes at him. It didn’t take Klaus long to realize what Esme was doing as he jumped back up onto his feet in hopes of protecting Violet and Sunny.

“ She’s trying to kill us!” Klaus cried desperately. “Can’t you see? These are the real murderers!”

“No one will ever believe you,” Esme said in a sinister whisper and swung her shoe at Sunny, who moved away just in time.

“I don’t believe you!” Hal cried. “My eyesight may not be what it used to be, but I could see that phony medical coat on the ground.”

“I don’t believe you either!” a nurse cried. “I can see that rusty knife!”

Esme swung her shoe towards the drowsy Violet this time, Klaus maneuvering Violet’s gurney out of the way in the nick of time. “Why don’t you surrender?” Esme hissed. “We’ve finally trapped you, just as you trapped Olaf all those other times.”

“When did we ever…” Klaus cried as he jumped back away from Esme’s attack.

“Now you know what it feels like to be a villain!” the bald man yelled. “Move closer, everyone! Mattathias told me whoever grabs them first gets to choose where to go for dinner tonight!”

Klaus looked at the group of villains in disbelief. He scanned towards the crowd looking for any friendly or helpful face. He frowned when he realized that no one was going to help them or stick up for the children. Esme could literally slit one of their throats and no one in this half-emptied crowd would bat an eyelash.

“Is that so?” the Hook-Handed Man asked. “Well I’m in the mood for pizza.” he swung a rubber-gloved hook at Klaus, who fell back against the gurney, rolling himself and his sister out of the evil man’s reach even if it was only a few inches.

“I feel more like Chinese food,” one of the white-faced women said. “Let’s go to that place where we celebrated the Quagmire and Baudelaire kidnapping.”

“I want to go to Cafe Salmonella,” Esme snarled.

Klaus pushed against the gurney again, wheeling it in the other direction as the circle of associates closed in on him and his sisters. He held the rusty knife up for protection as he listened to the whimpering of his younger sister and watched the restrained struggles of his elder sister. Klaus did not think he could use a weapon, even on people as wicked as these. Even if that dark thought had crossed his mind more than ten times in the last five minutes. He frowned when he realized that he was thinking just like Count Olaf. He shook his head slightly, he refused to be anything like Olaf. He knew if Count Olaf would have been trapped, he would not have hesitated to swing the rusty blade at the people who were surrounding him, but despite what the bald man had said, Klaus did not feel like a villain or rather, he didn’t want to feel like a villain. He didn’t want to feel a thing like Olaf. He refused to be the thing he hated the most. What Klaus did feel like though, was someone who needed to escape.

“Klaus...what do we do?” Sunny asked in a terrified whisper as the troupe and Esme took another step towards the kids.

“I...I don’t know, Sunny…” he admitted as he backed into his sister’s gurney again, he glanced down at Violet and then at Sunny, giving his younger sister a small smile, because he knew just how the three siblings were going to escape. “But a great mind once told me... there’s always something, ” he said as he smiled down at the drowsy Violet, who merely looked up at him with a face full of fear, disorientation, and confusion.

“Get back!” Klaus cried as he focused on the villains. “This knife is very sharp!”

“You can’t kill all of us,” the Hook-Handed Man replied. “In fact, I doubt you have the courage to kill anyone.”

“It doesn’t take courage to kill someone,” Klaus replied. “It takes a severe lack of moral stamina.”

“That is a wonderful way to describe your parents,” Esme commented, smirking.

“Wait...what…?”

“But I’m afraid, your fancy words won’t save you now, you twerp.” Esme snarled mockingly.

“That’s true,” Klaus admitted. “What will save me now is a bed on  wheels used to transport hospital patients,”

Without another word, Klaus tossed the rusty knife to the floor, startling Olaf’s associates into stepping back. Esme even dropped her stiletto shoe in shock. The circle of people with a severe lack of moral stamina was spread out a little more, just for a moment, but a moment was all the Baudelaires needed. Klaus gripped Violet’s gurney tightly and began to roll his sisters off the stage. Before he had a chance to jump on the gurney himself, he felt something sharp prying at his skin.

“Oh no, you don’t,” Esme hissed as she gripped Klaus’ arm tightly. Digging her stiletto nails into his skin as roughly as he could. The young boy cried out as the vile woman smirked. Klaus desperately tried to push the gurney that held his sisters away but Esme kept him in place.

“Please…” Klaus pleaded, forgetting that Esme was like Olaf and she had absolutely no humanity left within her.

“ Please…” Esme mocked, beginning to chuckle. “ You three aren’t going anywhere!” she hissed into Klaus’ ear as he continued to struggle to get the vile woman to let him go. Olaf’s troupe just stood stupidly around unsure of what to do. While more of the crowd had decided that exiting a burning hospital was a better idea then capturing three falsely-accused orphans. Although some of the crowd did stay to help capture the kids. “Olaf and I have plans for each of you…�� Esme snarled as she glanced towards a terrified Sunny who sat at the foot of Violet’s gurney. “Ain’t that right, babylaire?”

Sunny looked to the confused and struggling Violet to the terrified and struggling Klaus and then at the smirking bitch who held them in place. Sunny grimaced and shook her head, a faint attempt to get Olaf’s and Esme’s voices out of her head as she began to remember the cruel, vicious details of the villain’s plot to murder her and her siblings. Sunny began to shake where she sat as Esme gripped Klaus’ arm tighter. Klaus grimaced and groaned in pain as he glanced towards Sunny with pleading eyes. Sunny felt a knot in her stomach, knowing the last time that she had used her teeth to help someone it had ended badly for her. She remembered the muzzle, the beating, the drugging. Even the time she bit Olaf to get him to release Klaus which resulted in her own kidnapping. Fear was paralyzing her to her core. But then Sunny remembered what Olaf told her about what he had done to Klaus and she took another look at Violet, who was bruised and tied, and those factors alone shattered Sunny’s fear and replaced it with pure hatred.

“ Let’s go, brats. Maybe if you’re lucky, we’ll wait until the girl wakes up to dispose of the brats we don’t need,” Esme hissed in Klaus’ ear, loud enough for Sunny to hear. Sunny glared at the woman before shakily standing up on the gurney and running towards the vile woman with each wobbly step, she caused the gurney that held her and her older sister to shake.

Violet shook her head from side to side, faster than before but still, her movements were halted by the anesthetic. “The...earth’s...ending!” Violet shouted.

Sunny reached her destination as she bit Esme’s wrist as hard as she could causing the woman to let go of her brother and scream in pain.

“ You vile beast!” Esme hissed. “ The baby bit me!”

Sunny quickly sat down as Esme gripped her own arm. Klaus took this opportunity to turn towards the villainess, giving her a rough shove which caused her to plummet to the ground, effectively breaking the stiletto shoes that she was still wearing. Esme crashed into the ground with a growl as she reached for Klaus’ pant leg. But it was too late, she gripped onto the air because the children were already running out of the operating theater.

A cry rose from the remaining audience as the Baudelaires sped past Olaf’s associates. Esme screamed a high pitched shriek causing several people to cringe and cover their ears. “ AFTER THEM YOU IMBECILES!” she screeched to the troupe who then realized what had just happened and began running after the children in hot pursuit.

“They won't get away from me!” Hal cried as he gripped the side of Violet’s gurney.

“Hal... please.” Klaus whimpered as the gurney slowed to a halt.

“You destroyed my library!” Hal cried defensively.

Both Klaus and Sunny glanced behind them and then Sunny glanced back at the old man. Butterflies fluttered in the youngest Baudelaire’s stomach as Hal glared at her from behind his tiny glasses. Unlike Olaf’s associates, Hal was not an evil person, well as far as they know. My research says otherwise. He merely was someone who loved the Library of Records and was trying to capture the people he believed had set it on fire, and it pained Sunny to see that he thought she was an evil criminal, instead of an unlucky toddler. But she knew she did not have time to explain to Hal what had really happened. She scarcely had time to say a single word, and yet that is precisely what the youngest Baudelaire orphan did.

“Sorry,” Sunny said to Hal and gave him a big smile. Then she opened her mouth a little wider and bit Hal’s hand as gently as she could so that he would let go of the gurney without getting hurt. Which is the exact opposite thing she did to Esme.

“Ow!” Hal whined. “The baby bit me!”

“ Join the club!” Esme screamed as she began to stand up. Klaus rolled his sisters out of the door, he stopped pushing as Violet shook her head left and right trying to move the hair out of her eyes. Sunny looked at her brother with confusion but then understood what he was doing when he grabbed a mop and successfully barricaded the door to the operating theater. Klaus gripped onto his sister’s gurney once more as Olaf’s troupe reached the door and were trying to use their combined weight and strength to break Klaus’ barricade. Klaus didn’t stick around long enough to find out just how handy this idea was because he began racing down the hallway.

“Oh no no no,” Klaus cried as he took a quick glance behind him. He tried to run faster than before, he glanced down at Violet who was shaking her head still. She squinted up at him, her face was unreadable. Klaus could see that his sister’s eyes weren’t focusing. Sunny leaned closer to Violet to brush her sister’s hair from her face gently.

Klaus was running fast enough to when he reached the first corner, he skids around it rapidly, nearly losing his footing. He glanced towards the direction that he had just come from and he could see Olaf’s troupe running and chasing him.

“Don’t let them get away!” The hook-handed man yelled. “Tackle them!”

“This is like PE class all over again!” The Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender whined.

“Tell me about it!” Klaus called back to them, remembering Olaf’s cruel scheme back at Prufrock.

“Stop! Murderers!” a doctor behind the troupe called out.

“Weeeeeeeeeee,” Violet cried as she jerked her wrists up trying to clap in excitement. Violet’s wrists made a harsh, loud impact as her restraints caught her limp arms. Her eyes rounder her sockets as she looked at Klaus confused. “Where….what….am I….?” she asked, her voice ringing of utter confusion.

Klaus and Sunny glanced at one another worriedly. “Sunny, start biting through her restraints,”

Sunny merely nodded as she began to chew through the leather belt that was around her sister’s wrists and ankles.

“Attention!” announced Olaf’s voice.

“ Oh, would you just shut the fuck up! ” Klaus yelled towards the intercom as loudly as he could, utterly frustrated with Olaf’s bullshit.

“This is Mattathias, the Head of Human Resources! The murderous arsonist orphans are escaping on a gurney! Capture them at once! Also, the fire is spreading throughout the hospital! You might want to evacuate!”

“Hurry!” Sunny cried. As Sunny broke through one of Violet’s restraints, the two Baudelaires watched happily as Violet slowly lifted up her wrist, but their happiness soon turned into horror when they realized she was unable to hold it up for too long and the two younger siblings watched as their older sister’s wrist fell limp on the side of the gurney, dangling lifelessly.

“I’m going as fast as I can!” Klaus cried, trying to increase his speed. Klaus steered the gurney and ran as fast as his legs could carry him while Sunny held on for dear life as she worked on freeing her older sister. “ Violet, wake up, please! ” he cried, his voice thick with tears of desperation. “ I can’t do this…”

“I’m...try...ing….” Violet muttered, squinting around her. The anesthesia made everything seem faint and foggy, and it was almost impossible for her to speak, let alone move.

“ Try harder, please.” Klaus pleased. “You can help push.”

Sunny just glanced at him with bewilderment. “She can’t push,” Sunny told her brother, Klaus merely rolled his eyes and ignored Sunny.

“Violet…” Klaus called out as he continued to push the gurney. Violet’s eyes flickered open and closed. “The hospital’s on fire…and I don’t know what to do!” he cried in a panicky voice.

Violet only smiled a goofy smile up at him. “Y-you...came...back...for...for me?” her own voice was drowsy from the anesthetic but she was choking on her own tears.

Klaus and Sunny looked at one another and then at her. “Why wouldn’t we?” Klaus asked.

“Sister!” Sunny yelled.

Violet, still a bit woozy from the anesthetic, slowly glanced around as Sunny freed her other wrist, she put her gentle, limp hand on Sunny’s head, smiling at her. Tears falling from her eyes. “...you...you both...came back,” she said happily, her demeanor immediately changing to sadness. “B-b-but...but...O-Olaf...s-s-said you...left…” she cried, trying to use her limp hand to wipe away her tears, but every attempt was slow and never truly wiped away the entire tear. Sunny smiled at her big sister and leaned closer to wipe Violet’s tears from her eyes.

“Fuck what Olaf said!” Klaus shouted. “We would never leave you!” Klaus felt a little insulted that Violet would believe Olaf when he had told this blatant lie but he also could fault Violet, who knew what she had been through and for how long she had been drugged. Maybe she is only believing what Olaf had said because she was high on the knockout drugs. Klaus was cautiously running through the burning hospital, still panicked beyond belief. He understood why Violet was a bit distracted but he would much rather have this discussion when he and both of his sisters were out of danger.  

Sunny smiled down at her sister. “Ohana.” the toddler stated and Klaus knew that this needed no translation even to a very disoriented Violet. Violet smiled at her baby sister as Sunny pulled Violet’s locket from around her neck. “We love you, too,” Sunny said, as she put the locket around Violet’s neck gently.

The troupe was hot on their tails as the children passed another group of confused nurses and doctors. “Those must be those murderers Mattathias was talking about!” one cried. “Let’s help those other doctors capture them!”

Klaus steered the gurney around a corner, as several more hospital staff joined the chase. “Violet...we’re in trouble…”

“I...get...that…”

“Wake up,” Klaus begged Violet, who was looking around her in a confused way. “ Please, Violet!”

“Door!” Sunny shrieked as Violet limply grabbed Sunny in hopes of shielding her of any danger as Klaus pushed the gurney through the doors. Once the children were through the doors, Klaus was about to go down a specific hallway until the children caught a glimpse of bright orange flames.

“...what’s...that…?” Violet asked confused, gazing towards the bright orange flames until she couldn’t see them anymore. Sunny took this time to carefully crawl down to Violet’s ankles where she could see her sister had also been restrained. Sunny quickly began chewing through a third of Violet’s restraints until she heard a snap! Of the leather fabric. Sunny smiled as she crawled to the other side and began working on the final restraint.

“I told you there’s a fire and I need your help to escape,” Klaus pleaded.

“F...fire?” Violet repeated. “...where?”

“Here. In the hospital,”

“W-why...are...are we...in...a hos...pital?”

“That’s a rather long and depressing story,” Klaus said. “It’s also not important…” Klaus smiled at Sunny when he saw her sit up and give him two thumbs up, her way of indicating that Violet was no longer restrained.

“Get back here you brats!” the bald man yelled.

Klaus continued to push the gurney that carried his sisters as he watched frantic hospital staff run right past him, more concerned about finding safety than capturing the children. Klaus pushed every empty gurney he passed behind him in hopes of slowing down the angry mob.

“Stairs!” Sunny yelled, pointing to a staircase. Klaus turned the gurney in the direction his sister indicated. Sunny’s eyes widened with fear once she realized what her brother might be doing. She quickly crawled back closer to Violet and him, preferring to be on that side of the gurney if she was right about what Klaus was planning.

“Sunny, hold on,” Klaus cried as he jumped on to the back of the gurney holding on for dear life as Sunny took the opportunity of grabbing onto both Klaus and Violet, her way of attempting to keep them from falling off. The children began to roll down the stairs, bouncing up and down with each step. It was a fast, slippery ride that reminded Klaus of playgrounds that he would visit with his parents when he was younger. At a curve in the staircase, Klaus scraped his shoes against the floor to stop the gurney, and then leaned over to look at one of the hospitals’ confusing maps.

“I’m trying to figure out if we should go through that door,” he said, pointing at a door marked ‘Ward for People with Nasty Rashes’. “Or continue down the staircase.”

“We can’t go down,” Sunny cried as she pointed a finger downward. Klaus looked and even Violet managed to focus enough to look down where Sunny was pointing. Down the staircase, just past the next landing, was a flickering, orange glow, as if the sun was rising out of the hospital basement, and a few wisps of dark black smoke were curling up the staircase like the tentacles of some ghostly animal. It was an eerie sight that had haunted the two younger Baudelaires in their dreams, ever since that fateful day at the beach when all their trouble began and had only haunted Violet since she had been sent to Prufrock. For a moment, the three children were unable to do anything but stare down at the orange glow and the tentacles of smoke, and think about all they had lost because of what they were looking at.

“Fire,” Violet cried faintly.

“Yes,” Klaus sighed. “It’s spreading up this staircase. We’ve got to turn and go back upstairs.”

From upstairs, the orphans listened to Olaf’s troupe members arguing.

“No up,” Sunny said.

“I can see that,” Klaus replied. He gave a low growl as he turned his sisters’ gurney towards the door marked ‘Ward for People with Nasty Rashes’, having made this rash decision, Klaus turned the gurney and wheeled it through the door, just as his favorite person began speaking over the intercom.

“Fuck you!” Sunny screamed at the intercom.

“This is Mattathias!” he said hurriedly. “All associates of mine, continue to search for those children! Everyone else, gather in front of the hospital! Either we will catch those murderous orphans as they escape, or like their pesky parents ... they’ll be burned to a crisp! ” The children shuddered as they all listened to the unhinged madman laugh into the intercom microphone once more. Laughing as though he was a Disney villain who had just momentarily won against the protagonist.

Klaus and Sunny looked at each other worriedly when they watched Violet shudder. She slowly wrapped her arms around herself. “I-I...I don’t….l-like...fires,” she admitted softly, not looking either sibling in the eye. “...I...lost...m-my....dad...in a….f-f-fire,”

Klaus frowned as Sunny merely nodded. “We know. We did, too, sis.” Klaus cried.

“Have each other,” Sunny explained.

The children’s eyes got wide when they heard Olaf’s troupe members once again approaching. Klaus rolled his sisters’ gurney into the Ward for People with Nasty Rashes and saw that Mattathias was right. The gurney was racing down a hallway, and the children could see another orange glow at the far end of it.

“...no…” Violet whimpered. The children heard another brief argument behind them as Olaf’s associates lumbered down the stairs. The three siblings were trapped in the middle of a hallway that led only to a fiery death or Olaf’s clutches.

Klaus started breathing heavily as he was trying to weigh his options in his head. While Violet wrapped her limp arms around Sunny. Klaus leaned down and stopped the gurney. “We’d better hide,” he said, jumping to the floor. “It’s too dangerous to be rolling around like this.”

“Where?” Sunny asked desperately, as Klaus helped Violet sit up on the gurney. Klaus quickly took Sunny from Violet’s arm and set her on the ground.

“Someplace close by,” Klaus said, grabbing Violet’s arm. “The anesthesia is still wearing off, so Violet can’t walk too far.”

“I’ll...try…” Violet murmured, stepping unsteadily off the gurney and leaning onto Klaus. Sunny glanced around nervously for a hiding place. Her eyes quickly caught a door that read ‘Supply Closet’ and even if Sunny Baudelaire wasn’t the best reader, she still pointed her small finger towards the door.

“Over there!” Sunny cried as she raced towards the supply closet and opening it up.

“I guess so,” Klaus said doubtfully as he leaned Violet up against the wall. Violet began sliding down the moment that she was left to stand on her own. Klaus quickly turned towards the now empty gurney that Olaf had used to restrain his older sister. He gripped the gurney and waited until he saw the angry mob running towards him. He pushed the gurney with all his might towards the crowd that was trying to help Olaf capture the children. The gurney hit Brandon with enough force that it caused him to fall to the ground, wincing at the pain that had been afflicted on him.

Klaus hurried back to his older sister, who was practically napping on the floor. “Come on, Vi. This way. This way.”  He dragged the limp Violet towards the supply closet as he gripped the doorknob with one hand while balancing his sister with the other. “I don’t know what we can do in a supply closet, but at least it’ll hide us for a few moments.”

Klaus helped his older sister through the door, immediately slamming the door behind him and locking it. Except for a small window in the corner, the closet looked identical to the one where Klaus and Sunny had hidden to decipher the anagram in the patient list. It was a small room, with only one flickering lightbulb hanging from the ceiling, and there were rows of white medical coats hanging from hooks, a rusty sink, huge cans of alphabet soup, cases of surgical tubing, and small boxes of rubber bands, and a small chair. But as the two younger Baudelaires looked at these supplies, they did not look like devices for translating anagrams or impersonating medical professionals. Klaus and Sunny looked at all these objects, and then at their older sister. To their relief, Violet’s face was a bit less pale, and her eyes were a bit less confused, which was a very good sign. The eldest of the three orphans needed to be as awake as she could be, because the items in the closet were looking less and less like supplies and more and more like materials for an invention.

You see, when Violet Snicket was five years old, she won her first invention contest with an automatic rolling pin she’d fashioned out of a broken window shade and six pairs of roller skates. As the judges placed the gold medal around her neck, she could remember her father saying, “I bet you could invent something with both hands tied behind your back.” and the judges agreed while Violet smiled proudly. She knew, of course, that her father and the judges did not mean that they were going to tie her hands behind her back and watch as she tried to invent something, but merely that she was so skilled at inventing that she could probably build something even with substantial interference, a phrase which here means ‘something getting in her way’.

The young Snicket girl had proved the judges and her father right dozens of times, of course, inventing everything from a lockpick to inventing a way to get herself and her younger brother out of jail back in the Village of Fowl Devotees with the substantial interference of being in a hurry and not having the right tools. But violet thought she had never had as much substantial interference as the lingering effects of anesthesia as she squinted at the objects in the supply closet and tried to focus on what her siblings were saying.

“Violet,” Klaus cried worriedly, watching Violet shakily push her hair behind her ear. Klaus couldn’t tell if she was shaking from anxiety and fear or if she was cold seeing that she was now barefoot and all she wore was a hospital gown. “I know that the anesthesia hasn’t completely worn off, but we need you to try to invent something...I can’t...last time I...I invented...something...he…he...” Klaus said as he closed his eyes slowly beginning to shake, placing his arms across his chest.

“Shhhh…” Violet cooed for longer than she wanted because her brain felt like mush and she forgot what she was focusing on. “...I...know,” she said faintly, rubbing her eyes with her hands slowly in a desperate attempt to focus her eyes.

“We’ll...we will...help you all we can,” Klaus said as he slowly began to calm down.

“My teeth are at…” Sunny chimed in, showing off her sharp teeth. “At your service.”

“Just tell us what we need to do,” Klaus cried.

“T-tell me….again...wha...what’s hap...pen...ning?” Violet asked, her head spinning as she slowly slid down the wall she was leaning on. Klaus ran to Violet’s aide hurriedly standing her up and sitting her down in the chair that Sunny had pushed towards her older siblings.

“The fire is consuming this entire hospital, and we have to get out of here quickly!,” he cried desperately as the henchperson of Indeterminate Gender, Brandon, and a few others from the angry mob began to knock on the door. “Oh and not only is Olaf after us, but another angry mob who thinks we’re criminals are right outside this door.”

Klaus ran towards the door to push his back against it, hoping to keep the mob out of the supply closet. He was well aware that he had already locked the door but he felt more secure pressing his weight against the door.

“Open up in there!” the Henchperson cried as the knocking ceased.

“What? No!” Klaus cried, giving an incredulous face towards the mere thought of surrendering now.

“Please,” the henchperson cried as they began to knock on the door once.

“ Violet! ” Klaus cried. “Right now would be a really good time for one of your plans!”

“Brain blast!” Sunny cried desperately.

“Wait, I thought I was Jimmy Neutron,” Klaus asked confused.

“Eh, you both are,” Sunny replied, with a shrug of her shoulders.

Violet slowly leaned back in the chair, pointing a limp finger at the window. “Open...the window,” she directed as Klaus gazed from the locked door to the window. He sighed as he ran towards the window opening it.

“Now what?” he asked.

“H-how...high...are we?” Violet asked, giggling slightly.

The middle orphan glanced outside. “It looks like we’re on the third floor, maybe the fourth. That’s probably around thirty or forty feet, I think,” he responded. “There’s so much smoke in the air, so it’s hard to tell. We’re not so high up, but we’re too high to jump.”

“Climb?” Sunny asked.

“There’s an intercom speaker right below us,” Klaus explained. “I suppose we could hang on to that and climb down to the bushes below, but we’d be climbing in front of a huge crowd…”

He turned to Violet, whose eyes were slowly closing, he could tell by how she strained her face that she was desperately trying to keep her eyes open. Klaus looked to Sunny worriedly. “ Vi, please,” he cried. “I hate to pressure you...but...I can’t do this without you,” he felt tears forming in his eyes.

“Can you invent something that can make us fly?” Sunny asked slowly.

Violet frowned and closed her eyes, slowly shaking her head. “S-sorry...no...fairy...dust here…” she cried.

“Violet?” Klaus called out, after a moment of watching his sister keep her eyes closed. “You’re not falling asleep, are you?” he asked gently but frantically.

“No,” she replied. “I’m...thinking.” she sighed. “We...need...to distract...the crowd...before...we...climb down,”

The two younger orphans nodded as Violet pointed a finger towards her brother. “Open...those...boxes...of rubber...bands. String them...together...to make...a cord,”

Klaus looked down and watched the volunteers giving evacuated hospital patients balloons. “But how will that distract the crowd?”

“I...don’t...know…” Violet admitted and looked to the floor. “I...I can’t...do this,”

Klaus and Sunny’s eyes widened when Violet said that. “Yes you can,” Sunny cried.

“I’m having...trouble...focusing...my...inventing...skills,” she admitted as her eyes filled to the brim with tears. “I’m...sorry,” Violet shakily tried to reach into her pocket until she realized she didn’t have any pockets. She began to shudder as she sat. Remembering her time as Olaf’s captive and how he had forced her to change from her overalls to the hospital gown. “He...he...he...he took my...last...ribbon…”

“Help,” Sunny said, as she walked over to her big sister.

“Don’t cry for help, Sunny,” Klaus said miserably. “No one will help us,”

“Help,” Sunny insisted as the youngest orphan grabbed a hold of one of the medical coats that hung on the coat rack. She opened her mouth wide and she bit down on the fabric, ripping a small strip off the coat with her teeth. Then she held up the strip of white cloth and handed it to Violet. “Ribbon,” Sunny explained as Violet gave her baby sister a weary smile. With unsteady fingers, the eldest orphan tied her hair up to keep it out of her eyes, using the thin strip of fabric instead of her hair ribbon. She closed her eyes again, and then slowly nodded.

“I know...it’s silly…” she admitted. “But...it helps,” she placed a shaky, pale hand on Sunny’s head. “Thank...you...Sunny,”

The eldest orphan sighed as she strained her face still trying to overcome the effects of the anesthetic. “Klaus...get to work...on the...rubber...bands. S-Sunny...can you open….one of these...soup cans?”

“Yes, I opened some,” Sunny began. “Earlier to help Klaus.”

Violet smiled at the toddler. With her hair up in a ribbon, even if the ribbon was spurious, her voice sounded a bit stronger and more confident than it had before, although both siblings could tell she was still disoriented. “We need...an...empty...can...asap,”

The three siblings worked quickly. Klaus opened a box of rubber bands and began tying them together using the Devil’s Tongue Knot. Sunny began to gnaw at the top of a can of soup and Violet slowly scooted her chair towards the small sink and splashed water in her face to try to make herself as alert as possible. Finally, Klaus had a long cord of rubber bands curled at his feet like a snake, Sunny had taken the top off a can of soup and was quickly pouring the contents of the can down the sink, and Violet was staring anxiously at the bottom of the closet door, from which a very thin wisp of smoke was crawling through.

“The fire...is...getting...closer,” she alerted her siblings. Even with the fire closing in on the orphans, the crowd outside the door hadn’t left and continued to bang on the door. Klaus imagined if it were any other henchperson who had found the children, that door would be torn off the hinges by now so Klaus was happy that it was the Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender who was leading the angry mob.

“The cord is all ready,” Klaus cried. Violet merely frowned.

“Not...long...enough,” she cried, looking around.

“Tube?” Sunny asked as she pulled a long piece of surgical tubing out of a bin that was placed on a few of the shelves in the supply closet.

Violet merely nodded. “It’ll...have...to...do. Klaus...tie...our cord...and the...tube...together,”

Klaus looked at his sister confused but followed her orders. “Are you sure you tied your hair tight enough? How can we distract a crowd with an empty soup can?”

“Incompetent,” Sunny chimed in which meant, “I mean I know they are all incompetent and unhelpful as Mr. Poe but I don’t think they are all stupid enough to be distracted by an empty soup can.”

Klaus quickly translated for Violet. Violet gave a light giggle. “It’s not...an...empty...soup can. Well...not...anymore,” she explained slowly. “Now...it’s...a spurious...intercom. Sunny...poke one...hole in….the bottom...of the can,”

“Wha?” Sunny replied in complete and utter confusion, but she did as her elder sister asked because Sunny trusted Violet wholeheartedly even if she didn’t understand the point. Sunny knew that Violet’s inventive skills had helped save her, herself, and their brother before. So she quickly poked a hole in the bottom of the can using her sharpest tooth.

“Now...Sunny and I...are going...to hold...this near...the window…” she explained. “But we...must...make sure...the crowd...doesn’t see it…”

“I don’t follow,”

“The crowd...has to...think your...voice...is coming...from the...intercom.”

“My voice?”

“I...can’t...I’m too...drowsy...and I...sound...nothing...like...Olaf,”

“I don’t either!” Klaus cried defensively.

Violet put a limp hand on Klaus’ shoulder. “I know...but...the crowd...will know...something’s...up...if I do...it,”

Klaus sighed but nodded his head. Violet and Sunny held the empty can near the window, and Klaus leaned in and stuck his head inside it as if it were a mask. The middle orphan took a deep breath to gather his courage, and then he began to speak. From inside the can his voice sounded scratchy and faint as if he was talking with a piece of aluminum foil over his mouth, which was precisely how Violet wanted him to sound.

“Attention!” Klaus announced. “This is Mattathias Medical-School, head of Human Resources.” he rolled his eyes as he continued. “The murderous orphans have been spotted in the unfinished wing of the hospital.” Violet smiled as she and Sunny gave him a thumbs up. “We require everyone’s assistance in making sure they do not escape. Please rush over there right away. That is all!”

Klaus pulled his head out of the can and looked at his sisters. “Do you think it worked?”

Sunny opened her mouth to answer but she was interrupted by the voice of Brandon Spats. “Did you hear that?” the children heard him say. “The criminals are over in the unfinished wing of the hospital! Come on, everyone.”

“Maybe some of us should stay here at the front entrance, just in case,” the children heard Hal suggest.

Klaus sighed as he stuck his head back into the can that his sisters were holding. “Attention! This is Mattathias! No one should stay at the front entrance of the hospital! It’s too dangerous! Proceed at once to the unfinished wing. That is all.”

The three children snuck glances outside the window as the crowd slowly began to walk away from the front of Heimlich Hospital.

“It...worked,” Violet cried in disbelief. “We...fooled them…”

“We’re as good at tricking people as Olaf is,” Klaus commented, a frown forming on his face. “And at disguises...we fooled everyone but him,”

“Anagrams,” Sunny added.

“And lying...to...people,” Violet cried, thinking of Hal, the shopkeeper at Last Chance General Store and all the Volunteers Fighting Disease.

Klaus sighed. “Maybe we’re becoming villains after all,”

“No!” Sunny shrieked. “Don’t say that.”

“We’re...not...villains…” Violet countered, even if her gut feeling was saying something completely different. “We had...to do...tricky...things...in order...to save...our lives.”

“Olaf has to do tricky things,” Klaus countered. “To save his life,”

“Different,” Sunny argued.

Violet merely frowned. “Maybe...Klaus...is right. Maybe...it’s...not...different.” Violet said sadly. “Maybe…”

Violet was interrupted by the Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender sighing angrily and now using a fire extinguisher to break down the door that separated them from the three terrified and morally grey orphans.

“We can discuss this later,” Klaus said. “We have to get the fuck out of here!”

“Climb?” Sunny asked, looking at the rubber bands and surgical tubing.

“We’re not...climbing...we’re...bouncing,” Violet explained.

“What!?” Klaus cried.

“Bounce?” Sunny asked doubtfully.

Violet merely nodded. “Klaus, tie...our rope...to this pipe,” she said, pointing to a pipe that was located right next to the door. “This way...it breaks...our fall,”

“Is this safe? ” Klaus asked, taking another look out the window and feeling anxious about his sister’s plan and how high they are.

“Plenty...of...people...bounce from...high...places on long...rubbery...cords...for fun,” violet said. “So...we can...do it...to escape,”

Klaus sighed. “I don’t know...this sounds risky,” he cried. “For one...I doubt the cord is long enough.”

“Look...it is... risky,” Violet admitted. “But...not...as risky...as a fire,”

“Or Olaf,” Sunny added nervously.

The Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender continued to pound on the door of the supply closet with the fire extinguisher. Black smoke was beginning to pour through the crack as if the henchperson was pouring ink into the closet. Even the air outside was unsettling and filled with smoke. Klaus sighed and hurriedly tied the cord to the pipe and then tugged on it to make sure it was secure.

“Okay...who’s...going...first?” Violet asked drowsily. She was leaning against the wall again since she didn’t have all the feeling in her legs back yet.

“First?” Sunny asked, confused.

Klaus merely gave her a look of utter disbelief.

“Fine...you two...are nervous.” Violet cried, shrugging her shoulders. Assuming that her siblings’ issue was the invention’s safety and not her insisting they take turns. “I...invented...it, so I’d...better...test it.”

“No,” Klaus said simply.

“Then...go first,” Violet said.

“We’re not taking turns, Vi!”

“Together,” Sunny explained.

“If we...all...go down...together,” Violet said. “I’m...not sure...the cord will...hold,”

“Tough shit,” Klaus replied.

“Fine,” Violet cried. “ Sunny, will...go first...then,”

Klaus growled and rushed over to Violet, seemingly irritated with his older sister. He grabbed her harshly by the shoulders, she fell slightly in his grasp which made him instantly regret rushing up to her. But he knew he had to drive a point across. He gripped her shoulders and shook her a bit. The way she was limp from the anesthetic made it look like Klaus was harshly shaking his sister but Sunny knew that wasn’t the case. “ Listen to me very carefully, Vi!” he hissed. “ There is no first! We are not separating ever again!” Violet stared back at him, he could still tell that she couldn’t entirely focus on anything. “ This family sticks together!” he yelled causing her to start to tear up. “ We are not splitting up!”

“But...but...b-but…” she sniffled. “Snickers...Snick...S-Snickets...take care...of...their own.” she reasoned as she put a shaky hand on her locket.

Sunny merely looked up at Violet. “So do Baudelaires.”

Violet only shook her head. “B-but...Olaf...Olaf said…”

Klaus jumped when it sounded like the Henchperson was finally creating damage against the door. “Goddammit, Vi! Fuck Olaf! I hope he fucking burns to death in this fire!” Klaus cried as he released his grip on sister but kept a gentle hand on her shoulder. “ Especially if he hurt you.” Klaus frowned as he said it, purposely emphasizing the word ‘hurt’ to try to hint at Olaf’s disgusting, vile behavior towards Violet that was different from his behavior towards Klaus and Sunny. Violet looked towards Klaus and then to Sunny, eventually frowning and softly shaking her head and giving a small shrug in response.

There was an uncomfortable silence between the three siblings until Violet turned towards both Klaus and Sunny. “It won’t...support all...of us,” she explained.

“We’re not leaving anyone behind,” he said firmly. “Not this time. Either we all escape, or none of us do.”

“But if...none of...us do,” Violet said tearfully. “Then there...won’t be...anyone left...Olaf will...have won.”

Klaus shook his head as he reached into his pockets and pulled out one of the old photographs that he and Sunny had retrieved back when they lived at their Aunt Josephine’s. Klaus unfolded it and his sisters could see it was a photograph taken some years before Violet was even born. In the middle of the photograph, just like the one hidden in the depths of Lemony Snicket’s wallet, stood three people. All smiling and holding each other's hands. Klaus pointed first towards the tall, skinny man with glasses, then he pointed to a brown-haired woman who wore a fierce smile as she held the hands of the men she loved, and then finally he pointed to a man who wore a frown on his face, and a fedora and trenchcoat in hopes of masking his identity. “Jacques Snicket...your uncle...said there was a survivor of a recent fire ,” Klaus explained, his voice thick with tears.

Violet’s eyes widened. “The film...do you...still...have it?”

“No...we had to give it to Esme to save you,” he explained. “But that’s not important.” he looked from his little sister to his big sister. “We have to survive and find them. All of us . We all deserve to see who the survivor is. We all deserve that happy ending we’ve been wanting for a while now.” the middle orphan began to tear up. As his guilt began to surface. “and I’d rather die than lose either one of my sisters... again.” The bookworm quickly wiped away a few of his tears. “I can’t...I won’t let him take either of you, again.”

Klaus looked down at Sunny and then to Violet. She stood shakily before him in a mere hospital gown and she was bruised. Her cheeks were still red, her wrists and ankles had severe chafing from her struggling against her restraints, that they were either raw or simply pink. “I’m so sorry, Violet.” Klaus cried.

“Not your fault,” Sunny said as she watched Violet struggle to speak.

He looked down at Sunny. “I’m so sorry to you, too, Sunny. He only got you because you were protecting me. You both...were protecting me when he took you . ” he cried.

“Not your fault,” Sunny reassured. “I’d do it again...in a heartbeat,”

Violet nodded slowly in agreement.

The three siblings were tearing up as the Henchperson created the beginnings of a hole in the wall.

“Go time,” Sunny cried. “Escape now. Feelings later.”

“Agreed,” the two older siblings cried, although Violet sounded dizzier than Klaus.

Klaus picked up Sunny as Violet held the surgical tubing up so Klaus could spin himself and Sunny, effectively wrapping the tubing around the two siblings. He glanced towards Violet. “ We are going to survive...and find out what happened. We’ll find the survivor and either bring Olaf to jail...or kill him.”

“Down for murder,” Sunny cried.

“I...still...think if...we take...turns,” Violet protested frantically. “There’s a...better chance...that one of us...will survive.”

“All or nothing,” Sunny cried.

“We’re not leaving anyone behind,” Klaus said firmly. “ That’s what makes us different from Olaf and Esme.”

“ Ohana,” Sunny cried as she reached out and pulled the front of Violet’s hospital gown. The eldest orphan was still so limp that her minuscule effort succeeded and Violet now leaned on her and their brother. “ Just us,” she told Violet as Klaus wrapped a tight arm around both of his sisters as he slowly spun Violet around with them as he inched towards the window.

Violet didn’t fight. She didn’t struggle. She leaned in closer to her siblings feeling their warmth against her cold arms. “You’re right,” she said finally.

The hole in the door got even bigger as Violet shrieked.

“Don’t worry, Vi. We’re not leaving you behind again,” Klaus told her. Violet nodded as she did her best to wrap her arms tightly around her two younger siblings.

“I’ll...hold...on...to...you,” she explained.

“Same here,” Sunny cried as she wrapped her tiny arm around the arm that carried her and forced her tiny hand into her sister’s.

As Klaus carried his sisters to the window, he looked down once more, immediately regretting his decision. He glanced at the rubber band cord that Violet had him make and then at the surgical tubing he had tied it, too, and had now wrapped a good chunk of it around the three siblings.

“If it’s forty feet, we won’t make it.” He predicted.

“If it’s...say...maybe...thirty…,’ Violet began as she followed Klaus’ gaze down.

“We might,” Sunny shrugged.

The three children carefully made their way out of the window onto the small platform that lay alongside the window.

The huddled siblings barely fit on the ledge as the siblings looked down. This was at the same time as Olaf’s henchperson had successfully broken a hole in the door.

“Here I am, Nurse Lucafont.” the Henchperson called inside the empty supply closet. Utterly confused as to how the supply closet was empty. The children could hear the henchperson’s voice and look at one another nervously and then looked back down.

“I’m scared,” Violet admitted drowsily.

“I’m frightened,” Klaus cried.

“Sheer terror,” Sunny chimed.

As if they were thinking the exact same thing, each of the siblings gripped onto their two siblings as tight as they could. Violet managed to shout, “Hold on tight!” as the three siblings leaped out of the window of Heimlich Hospital.

STOP!

I am alone this evening, and I am alone because of several cruel twists of fate, a phrase which here means that nothing has happened the way I thought it should. Once I was a content individual, with a comfortable home, loving family that I loved very much, and a plethora of bedtime stories that were too strange to have been true...but...all of those things have been taken away from me, and now the only trace I have of those happy days are the photos I store in my pockets. As I sit in this very tiny room, printing these words with this very large pen, I feel as if our lives have been nothing but some dismal play, and that the playwright who invented these cruel twists of fate is somewhere far above me, laughing and laughing at their creation. This is not a pleasant way to feel, but this is how my story goes.

Now, despite my extensive research and my associate’s knowledge of abandoned VFD libraries, there are many things in this world that I do not know. I do not know how butterflies get out of their cocoons without damaging their wings. I do not know why anyone would boil vegetables when roasting them is tastier. I do not know how to make olive oil, and I do not know why dogs bark before an earthquake, and I do not know why some people voluntarily choose to climb mountains where it is freezing and difficult to breathe or live in the suburbs, where the coffee is watery and all of the houses look alike. I do not know why people start or join cults and I do not know how some people let revenge consume them to a highly unhealthy degree. I do not know how some people are brave enough to follow their passion in a world set out to destroy them. And I sadly, do not know how to stop the disastrous domino effect or fucked up twists of fates that seem to be plaguing several lives.

As such, I do not know where Violet Snicket or the Baudelaires are now, or if they are safe or if they are even still alive. But there are some things that I do know, thanks to the extensive research I’ve done investigating these cases, and one of them is that the window of the supply closet in the Ward for People with Nasty Rashes of Heimlich Hospital was not thirty or forty feet off the ground, as Klaus had guessed.

It’s twenty, which is exactly one foot higher than the length of the cord, so when the children leaped into the smoky air, clinging to each other for dear life, Violet’s invention worked perfectly. Like a yo-yo, the children bounced gently up and down, brushing their feet against one of the bushes planted in front of the hospital, and after a few bounces, Sunny released her grip on her siblings, although they kept theirs, and chewed through the elastic surgical tubing, biting through it just in time to smack Olaf’s henchperson in the face as they looked out the window. When the surgical tubing broke, Violet and Klaus fell the rest of the way to solid ground, Violet nearly toppling over. Klaus quickly put Sunny down and focused more of his attention and strength on Violet.

“We...made...it,” Violet cried.

“It was a close call,” Klaus agreed.

“But we survived,” Sunny argued.

The three siblings looked behind them at the hospital and saw just how close of a call it had been. The building looked like a fiery ghost, especially more so in a few places, with great bursts of flame coming from the windows, and oceans of smoke pouring from great gaping holes in the walls. The children could hear glass shattering as the windows burned away, and the crackle of wood as the floors began to fall through in some areas of the hospital. It occurred to the three children that their own homes must have looked like this on the day it burned down, and the three siblings stepped back from the burning building and huddled together as the air grew thick with ashes and smoke, obscuring the hospital from view.

“Where can we go?” Sunny asked.

“I don’t know. But any minute now someone’s bound to recognize us or realize that we’re not in the unfinished half of the hospital.” Klaus cried.

Klaus, with one hand holding Sunny’s and the other dragging Violet, began to walk away from the forming crowd. As more and more people pushed passed the children, rushing out of the hospital.

“Act casual,” Klaus told his sisters, noticing that Violet was adding more and more of her weight on to him.

“I’m...trying.;.”

Klaus glanced towards an empty ambulance. He tried to drag his sisters towards it in hopes of hot wiring it and driving far away from Olaf. But EMTs had beat him to it and began loading patients aboard.

“Keep your eyes open for those murderous brats!” one nurse yelled.

“I’ll find them. I know I will.” a volunteer fighting disease assured.

Klaus heard this and redirected himself and his sisters as he hurried behind a small half wall behind a few bushes in the front of the hospital. He was thankful for all the smoke in the air, it made this pitiful hiding place better.

“Stay down,” Klaus explained. “In The Encyclopedia of Escaping Arson, the author wrote that there’s more oxygen closer to the ground, so we can breathe more easily down here. But we need to get to some kind of shelter right away.”

Violet and Sunny scooted as close to Klaus as they could. Hoping to shrink themselves. Klaus and Violet both edged their heads up, Violet slowly beginning to focus better, as they gazed around for any way to escape. Klaus looked towards the left and Violet glanced towards the right, the smoky air was making it a bit difficult to see everything clearly.

“Where is there shelter?” Sunny asked. “Hospital is only building for miles.”

“...and it’s burning to the ground…” Klaus cried sadly.

“You!” a voice called out in the smoke. The three orphans froze. They did not freeze because a random passerby had recognized them and was pointing them out. They froze because the voice that had called out from the smoke was a voice all three siblings heard in their nightmares. Klaus gripped tightly to both of his sisters as Sunny let out a whimper and Violet let out a soft squeal as she and Klaus ducked their heads back down.

“He...didn’t...see...us, right?”

“I hope not,” Klaus cried.

The three children stayed as low as they could as they listened in on the madman’s rage.

“You!” Olaf called again, this time slamming his hand on the hood of his car. “Hooks for hands!” Olaf barked. “This way!”

The siblings breathed a quick sigh of relief, realizing that Olaf had not been referring to them but instead one of his henchpeople. With this newfound knowledge, Sunny slowly crawled over Klaus and Violet to etch her head around the edge of the half wall. Where only one eye could see Olaf while the other’s vision was obstructed.

Sunny watched a long, black shape emerge from the smoky air, and she could see it was an automobile, pulling up in front of the hospital. Not too far from the children. An automobile is somewhat like a shelter, but the siblings froze on the ground and dared not crawl an inch farther toward that car.

“Hurry up Esme!” Olaf yelled. “Hurry up! Or I’ll leave you behind!”

“We’re coming, darling!” Esme cried out as she hurried towards the car.

“Can you see the car in the smoke?” he asked.

“Yes, darling,” she replied. “Open the trunk I’ll throw the costumes in.” The three children held their breath as they listened to her odd footsteps as she walked right passed them, towards and around Olaf’s car.

“Oh, alright,” Olaf sighed, and Sunny watched in silence as the tall figure of her enemy stepped out of his vehicle.

“Wait up, Olaf!” the bald man yelled.

“You fool! I told you to call me Mattathias until we leave the hospital grounds!” Olaf growled as he opened the trunk. He watched as Esme threw the costumes in. He merely glared at her.

“What?”

He sighed angrily. “You lost my pet and the Baudelaires!” She opened her mouth to argue but he merely shook his head. “ But... it’s not only that! ” he yelled as he punched the roof of his car angrily. Esme rolled her eyes dismissively as she rounded the car and took her seat next to Olaf.

“You know this is horrific!” Esme whined. “We never found the sugar bowl after that stupid librarian told me it would be here!”

Olaf rolled his eyes at the mention of the sugar bowl.

“It’s worse than that,” he hissed.

“I know, and the bratty orphans escaped again,” Esme said rolling her eyes.

“Oh, it’s very, very worse than that,” he hissed in annoyance.

Esme looked to Olaf confused. Olaf slowly turned towards Esme as he took a deep breath, grasping the steering wheel tightly. “ There may be a survivor of a recent fire,” he hissed as her eyes widened, and then her expression shifted to match her fiery glare as she thought of the woman who had stolen everything from her.

“ Beatrice…!” Esme cried through gritted teeth.

Violet gasped as she heard sirens approaching. “The...police...and fire...fight...ers are here,”

“If they already thought we were murderous kidnappers, now they’ll think we’re all arsonists.” Klaus reasoned. “We need an escape,”

“Do...you...do you trust...me?” Violet asked after a moment of staring hard at Olaf’s trunk. The trunk was opened to where Violet could see that the lid of the trunk was peppered with tiny holes, bullet holes, it looked like, undoubtedly from being pursued by the police.

“...yeah?” Klaus answered back hesitantly. It was no lie that he trusted Violet with his life but her asking worried him for a number of reasons.

Violet leaned as close as she could to her siblings so she could whisper to them without being heard. “We’ve...got...to go in...there,” she said.

“Where?” Klaus whispered in reply.

“We... need to get...in O-Olaf’s...tr-trunk,” Violet reasoned.

“ Wha?!” Sunny shrieked in a horrified whisper.

“Are you still that high off the knock out drugs?” Klaus asked as he and Sunny glanced at one another in disbelief as if there was no way Violet had suggested for the three siblings to voluntarily stuff themselves into Olaf’s trunk.

“Oh yeah,” Violet said giggling. She placed her hand in Klaus’ hair. “You’ve got...rainbow... hair.” She gently slapped Klaus’ face. “Like...a clown,”

“I can’t tell if you’re joking or serious,” Klaus replied in an annoyed tone.

“Doesn’t....matter. But that’s not...the point. We...have to avoid...getting cap...tured,” she said, her eyes rolling back slightly in her head. “and...find out...who the...survivor...is.”

“Getting in that trunk is getting captured!” Klaus argued.

Olaf took a deep breath and then glanced at one of his henchmen who stood outside of the car, looking around aimlessly. “Get in this car this instant! I’m leaving on the count of three! It’s been splendid setting this fire, but we’ve got to hunt down a certain...survivor...before those brats do!”

“Or VFD,” Esme added. “You know, the real VFD full of hypocrites, not those idiotic singers!”

“Just one second, boss. We’re waiting for Ainsley,” the Hook-Handed Man explained.

“I’m not going to wait around to find out if that fool lived or died!” Olaf yelled. “One!”

The Hook-Handed man tapped his hook worriedly on the roof of his boss’ car as he gazed around. Violet unknowingly lifted her head a bit until she felt as though the henchman had seen her and she ducked down worriedly.

“Y-you said you...trusted me,” Violet whined.

“I’d rather die than get into that fucker’s trunk!” Klaus hissed.

“Don’t you want to...bring him to justice?” Violet asked. “Don’t you...wanna find the...survivor? And clear...our names?”

Klaus looked to his sister, frowning. “Of course, I do. But I don’t want to die before we can!”

“No, no,” Sunny cried as she shook her head. “Been there...done that.”

Violet frowned as she placed her hands in her siblings and she held their hands as firmly as she could, to the point where it hurt to hang on to them. “Think of... everything... we survived together, ” she whispered, looking from her burdened brother to her scared sister. “We’ve lived through countless...unfortunate events...only to find ourselves... alone. ”

“Just us,” Sunny reminded her.

“I know…” Violet replied, smiling at Sunny. “But if one of...our parents...survived. It’ll all be worthwhile!” She released her grip on her siblings. “We have to find them...if it’s the last thing we do.”

Sunny sighed as she gazed at the gaping trunk, which looked like the mouth of some dark and smoky beast, eager to devour her and her siblings. As it had once devoured her and her friends, Duncan and Isadora Quagmire, not too long ago. But she knew her big sister was right and she trusted Violet to get her and her siblings out of danger, not in it. “You’re right,” Sunny murmured finally. “Getting in that trunk is our only hope.”

Violet smiled as she looked towards Klaus, who merely shook her head defiantly. “You’re right. You’re right about all of that. But I’m sorry, I’m not getting into that trunk.”

“Klaus...come on,” Sunny pleaded.

“What choice do we have?” Violet asked. “Trust me...I wish we had another escape...but we don’t, Klaus.”

“Violet, I am not getting in that trunk and there’s nothing you can do to convince me otherwise,” Klaus folded his arms across his chest. “You aren’t thinking straight, obviously. So I guess I’ll think of something.”

“ Two!” They heard Olaf shout to his henchpeople as the Hook-Handed Man smiled and rushed Ainsley into their boss’ car.

Klaus continued to shake his head at the sound of Olaf’s voice.

Violet rolled her eyes, tapped her finger on her chin deep in thought. She glanced at Sunny and a wicked smile grew on her face. “I...know..how to get...you in that trunk,”

“What did I just say?” Klaus asked. “I’m not getting in…” he began before Violet stood up shakily, picking up Sunny in the process and running stealthily towards Olaf’s trunk.

“No, you did not just…” Klaus cried angrily. “Dammit, Violet!” he hissed following her quickly, continuing to look behind the siblings to make sure that no one was following them.

Violet stumbled as she reached the trunk. She fell to the ground, shielding Sunny from the pavement. “Whoopsie,” she whispered.

Klaus catches up to his sisters and merely glares at Violet as the three crawl a few more inches to the trunk. “Of all the dirty handed tricks you could pull…” he started, in a hushed whisper.

“It got you over here...didn’t it?” Violet asked as she opened Olaf’s trunk slowly. The children ducked down low as the trunk lid stayed opening welcoming them inside with a damp, terrible odor that had Violet having second thoughts.

Violet stumbled awkwardly as she tried to maneuver herself into Olaf’s trunk while still kneeling down. “Give me a hand, please,” Violet begged her brother. Klaus sighed as he reluctantly helped Violet into the trunk.

“We’ll be able to breathe, right?” Sunny asked, worriedly as Violet rolled as far as she could allowing her brother and sister room. Violet felt her knee slam against something but she didn’t pay it any attention as she felt the shuffling of Olaf’s troupe member trying to get situated in the back seat.

“Yes,” Klaus whispered as he picked up Sunny. “Air will come through the bullet holes,” he explained to his baby sister as he laid her atop of their big sister. The second Sunny was laying down on Violet, she began to squirm and shake as if she were having a panic attack. Klaus frowned as he glanced down at Violet, who merely frowned back. Violet hastily unclasped her locket and handed it to Sunny.

“Sometimes when I’m scared…” Violet admitted. “The only thing that calms...me down. Is our Mama.” Violet shakily moved her hands to open the locket but she was having slight difficulties. Sunny reached up and opened the locket for her. Both sisters gazed up at the picture of their mother, smiling down on them.

Klaus sighed as he grabbed hold of the trunk. “This is not the sort of shelter I had in mind,” he said begrudgingly. “But...I guess it might do.”

“It’ll have to do,” Violet whispered to him. And with that, the middle orphan maneuvered himself inside his enemy’s trunk, beside his older sister.

“ Three!!” Olaf shouted as Violet simultaneously closed the trunk just as the bald man slammed the passenger back side door shut. Once Violet had closed the trunk, the siblings were left in utter darkness, and their shelter rattled and shook as Olaf started the engine and began to drive across the landscape, which was as flat and desolate as ever. But the children could not see outside, of course. In the blackness of the trunk, they could not see anything at all. Sunny whimpered and handed Violet back her locket.

“We’re right here, Sunshine,” Klaus whispered, trying to hide the fact that he, too, was terrified. They could only hear their long, shivering breaths as the air rushed through the bullet holes, and feel their shoulders tremble as they shivered in fear.

Klaus pulled Sunny a bit towards him so that she was now laying on both him and Violet and not squishing Violet entirely. Violet’s head rolled around as Olaf drove.

“Here,” Klaus whispered, prompting for Violet to lift her head. He placed his arm underneath his sister’s head giving her some comfort as Sunny grabbed onto Violet’s hand. Violet snuggled closer to her siblings still high on the anesthetic.

“You...guys came back...for me,” she cried, tears flowing.

“That’s what siblings do,” Sunny explained.

“You’re our sister,” Klaus agreed.

“Where to next, boss?’ the children could hear the Hook-Handed man ask.

“How the fuck would I know!?” Olaf yelled as he reached outside his window to remove a flyer that was obstructing his vision. “I’m not…”

He stopped once he read the flyer. “...a fortune teller. But I know who is,” he said wickedly as he began to laugh maniacally.

The children shifted slightly when Olaf slammed his foot on the gas. The three siblings huddled together as tightly as they could. Both Violet and Klaus held one of Sunny’s tiny hands. Both older siblings could feel their sister tremble as she laid on them inside Olaf’s trunk. They knew that she was having flashbacks of her time in captivity with the Quagmires. They were trying to do all they could to relax her.

As the three gazed outside the bullet holes of Olaf’s car, it was as if they were stargazing, although the siblings were all falling victim to their thoughts. Klaus sighed, breaking the silence.

“I guess...we’re still on the lam,” he whispered.

“We’re alive and...we’re together,” Violet countered.

Sunny held on tightly to her siblings’ hands trying to stay calm and not freak out that she had once again found herself inside Olaf’s trunk. The bitter stench was bringing back memories that Sunny would rather stay buried away from her psyche. She knew circumstances were slightly different, this time. She wasn’t forced into the trunk against her will, she had been persuaded by her elder sister to voluntarily enter the trunk. She had her siblings and she knew they would never let anyone hurt her and the biggest difference is that Olaf and Esme had no idea that she and her siblings were hitching a ride in his trunk.

Klaus’ eyes slowly began to fall as he slightly shifted. He was exhausted in more ways than one. But as he felt Violet shift her head slightly on his arm and Sunny grip tighter to his hand, he knew it was what he had to do. He didn’t know exactly what had happened to his sister during her time in Olaf’s clutches and he was scared that she might not know the answer and it pained him to know that Olaf was the only person that could give his sister closure on that topic. He sighed as quietly as he could. He wasn’t the happiest about how Violet convinced him to get into Olaf’s trunk but he would have to deal with it. Klaus was fighting the urge to sleep because he refused to be asleep if the children were discovered and he wouldn’t be able to fight for his sisters. He felt like he’s failed them so many times already, that he needs to step up his game and be there more for them. That’s what he vowed to do for his sisters and whoever the survivor was.

Violet held onto Sunny’s arm as she began to silently sob. She was still scared that they were now in the trunk of the man who wants to do nothing but harm them. She was still contemplating everything that had happened to her or what she suspected happened. Violet was unsure of a lot of things right now and how close she was to her siblings was one of them. In her head, Olaf and Esme’s words ring endlessly on a tiresome loop that was continually driving Violet insane. Violet still had huge insecurities but she was starting to doubt a few of her insecurities.

If what they said was true...Klaus had every chance to take Sunny and run...but they stayed. They rescued me. He kept himself and his sister in danger to save me . Why didn’t he take Sunny and run? She pondered to herself. She desperately hoped, Maybe just maybe Olaf was wrong and Klaus did see her as a sister, not just a protector.

Violet sighed, still coming down from the amount of anesthetic Olaf had administered to her. “What’s...that stanza...again?” she asked hastily.

“What?” Klaus whispered back, confused. His eyes were closed as if he had lost his fight against sleep.

“The Snicket lad?” Sunny whispered in the softest of whispers, terrified to see what Olaf would do if he heard the name ‘Snicket’ and then opened his trunk to find one and two Baudelaires.

Violet nodded. “You know...you guys are gonna love him,” she replied in a whisper.

Klaus and Sunny looked at one another both knowing what their sister meant. Although both younger siblings had different predictions when it comes to the survivor, they allowed Violet the courtesy of being able to freely share hers.

“If you drive away in secret,” Klaus whispered. “You’ll be a volunteer,”

“So don’t scream,” sunny whispered.

“When we take you…” Violet whispered.

“ The world is quiet here…” the three siblings recited simultaneously as they held on tighter to each other.

It was not the sort of shelter the children had in mind, never in their entire lives, but as they huddled as close together as they could, they guessed it might do. For these three orphans, if indeed they were still orphans, the shelter of Count Olaf’s trunk would have to do, until something better came along.

[unfortunate-stranger-losers]

Six Baudelaires AU, Part Three {AO3} {Masterlist} {Part One} {Part Two}

Chapter Forty-One → in which Beatrice leaves the island

As we suspected, we are to be castaways once more. The others believe that the island should stay far from the treachery of the world, and so this safe place is too dangerous for us. We will leave by a boat B has built and named after me. I am heartbroken, but I have been heartbroken before, and this might be the best for which we can hope. We cannot truly shelter our children, here or anywhere else, and so it might be best for us, and for the baby, and for Lilac, to immerse ourselves in the world. 

If our second is a girl, we will name her Violet. If it is a boy, Lemony. 

“Excuse me?” Lilac gasped. 

All eight children burst into laughter, and Bea, sitting on Sunny’s knee, let out a happy shriek. 

“Lemony?” Violet repeated. “They would have named me Lemony?” 

“That’s not even your fucking Dad!” Lilac elbowed her. “How awkward would that have been?” 

“Lemony Baudelaire.” Sunny said, and they all laughed again. 

“You’d think Mother would know better than to curse someone with that name.” Klaus said, pouring them all some more fresh coconut milk. 

“Do you think they found out he was alive?” Nick asked. 

“Who knows?” Lilac shrugged. 

“Do you think my Father knows I’m alive?” Friday asked. 

Sunny smiled at her. “Maybe you’ll find him one day.” 

“Or maybe I won’t and don’t care cause he ditched me.” Friday giggled. “You’re all stuck with me- ha!” 

“Oh, what ever will we do?” Nick laughed. “How will we feed this many children?” 

“Well, maybe we only have to last a year until Lilac turns eighteen, and then we spend our fortune on pop tarts and Pokémon cards.” Solitude said. 

“What the fuck is a pokémon?” Friday said. 

“Well, first we have to make sure we don’t get arrested.” Lilac said. 

“Those papers said that the arson wasn’t blamed on us.” Klaus said. 

“Newspapers aren’t reliable, dipshit.” Nick said. 

“We’ll have to come up with fake names.” Solitude giggled. “I’ll be Sensible.” 

“You will not, I called dibs!” Sunny shouted. 

“We’re not doing that, first of all.” Violet said. “Second, first thing we’re gonna do is find a house where VFD can’t fuck with us.” 

“Cheers to that!” Nick raised his glass. 

“I thought ‘cheers’ was used for alcohol.” Friday said confusedly. 

“Not always.” Klaus assured her. 

“Oh my God,” Lilac said, “Nick, if you let the coconut milk ferment again-” 

“No, no! God, I was just being funny. Stop being a killjoy.” 

“Stop being a bad influence.” 

“You’re a bad influence!” 

Violet jumped up. “Excuse you! I’m the worst influence!” 

They laughed, and Bea raised her arms in a cheer, and Sunny said, “She’s right! She’s the worst influence!” 

“On who?” 

Sunny shrugged and hugged the baby. Lilac watched with a happy gleam in her eyes, and then she turned to Violet. “Um… is everything packed?” 

Violet pushed her hair behind her ear. “Yeah. Most everything’s in the boat. We still need to move in Babbitt’s habitat-” 

“You added the lid, right? So they don’t get hurt in storms?” Solitude asked. 

“Yes, lid’s on. And I added a strap so you can attach it to yourself, like you asked, in case of wreck.” Lilac nodded. “How’s Babbitt doing?” 

“Sleeping.” Solitude beamed. “I suspect Baby Babbitts by the time we reach shore.” 

“I still wanna know how Babbitt had-” Nick began, but Klaus slapped a hand over his mouth. 

“Let’s see…” Violet thought. “We replaced the sail, we packed enough clothes and food for a month, some fishbait just in case, storm prep, books-” 

“Cake!” Bea cheered. 

Violet laughed. “Yes, we packed you birthday cake, lil bean.” 

Friday smiled, but Sunny frowned. “Are we sure?” she asked. “That we want to leave? We have everything here.” 

The other Baudelaires shared a look, and then Lilac ran her hand over baby Bea’s hair, which made her burst into giggles. “We can’t hide from treachery forever.” she said. “We can’t hide from the world. We have to face it head on.” 

Sunny considered, and then nodded. “I’ll get my kitchen stuff.” 

“What about this?” Nick looked over at the book their parents had written, and that they’d added to. 

Klaus smiled and ran a hand over the cover, and said, “We should leave it. Some other castaways may need help someday.” 

Lilac ran her hands over the title. “Yeah. Let’s leave this behind.” She smiled and said, “Time to go. Sound off! One!” 

“Two!” Violet cheered, pulling her hair back with her ribbon. 

“Three!” Nick picked up Solitude, who giggled. 

“Four!” Klaus grabbed a few extra books and adjusted his glasses. 

“Five!” Friday called, playing with her bracelet and jumping up to spin her new dress. 

“Six!” Solitude cheered from where Nick was spinning her. 

“Seven!” Sunny shouted, also tying her hair into a ponytail. 

And Beatrice laughed, threw her arms up, and said, “Eight!” 

They pushed the boat out to the edge of the coastal shelf, and glanced at the nameplate, with scratchy writing that had somehow lasted a year. “Yeah,” Nick said, “I ain’t setting sail on a boat named The Olaf.” 

“I think there’s something under it.” Lilac said. The siblings knelt and took the board off, and smiled at the name revealed. 

“Well, look at that.” Klaus said, and he traced their mother’s name. 

Nick put a hand to his necklace, and Lilac to hers. 

“Where’s our little Bea?” Violet asked. “I want to test our life vests.” 

“She’s saying goodbye.” Friday said. “At the graves. She’ll be right back.” 

The Baudelaires nodded; they’d all said goodbye to Kit that morning, while Friday helped Beatrice pack her teething rings. 

“Last chance.” Lilac sighed, looking at the horizon. “We can always stay another year. Or two. Or three.” 

“Fat chance. I’ve been cooped up long enough.” Nick said. 

“Are we really ready? Are we sure?” Lilac asked. 

Violet smiled. “If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.” 

Lilac smiled and nodded. “Friday, you get your little sisters in while we set it off.” 

Friday nodded, picking up Solitude. “Come on, frog-girl.” 

Solitude giggled, before settling Babbitt’s tank underneath a seat. “We’re all ready to go!” she cheered. 

“Freedom!” Nick shouted, causing them to laugh. 

“Wait!” they turned, smiling, to see Bea crawling down the slope as fast as she could. 

“Li!” she called. “Vi! Nick! Kla! Fri! Sol! Sun!” 

“Oh, come here!” Klaus held out his arms, and lifted her up, swinging her in the air. “We wouldn’t forget you, we never could.” 

“You’re a Baudelaire forever, just like the rest of us.” Nick said. 

“Get in the boat, you little thing!” Sunny called, using a term of endearment she’d made up herself.

Bea nodded, and then looked down at the nameplate of the boat. She frowned, and said, “Beatrice.” 

The Baudelaires grinned. “Yes.” Lilac said. “That’s our mother’s name, and yours. Now come on, we want to set sail while the day is still light.” 

The boys all climbed in the boat, and Klaus pushed aside a bowl of apples to make room for Bea’s seat. Lilac and Violet gave each other a grin, as they pushed the boat off the beach. 

Lilac smiled and said, “Let’s go find something new.” 

They climbed in, and the Beatrice set off. 

Perhaps there was a reunion in their future, on Briny Beach with four children they thought they might never see again. Perhaps there was hope. Perhaps there was a way for them to have a normal life, or even an extraordinary one that wouldn’t cause them so much pain. Perhaps Lilac would have a repair shop, and Violet an inventing studio, and Nick a journal to write in for his travels, and Klaus a library, and Solitude her very own Reptile Room, and Sunny a giant kitchen. Perhaps Friday would have a research center, and Duncan a printing press, and Isadora a space to write her poems, and Quigley a room to make his maps, and Fiona a mushroom garden. Perhaps Beatrice would have a very large family. Perhaps, in ten years, Beatrice would have a much happier message for her uncle than he expected. Perhaps there would be none of that. Or perhaps there would be more. 

But right now, all they knew was that something was ahead. 

And all eight Baudelaires looked towards the horizon, and knew that, whatever happened, their story wasn’t over yet, and that was the best they could hope for.

[virtualfindingsdocumented]

u asked for it. top 5 wack fandom takes on vfd politics and what u think is actually right

I was almost falling asleep in a class I can't afford to miss when I saw this and it woke me up faster than any energetic drink would.

All respect to people who think differently, of course.

1- VFD always kills the parents of the recruited children, and always has

I think everyone and their mothers (well, my mother at least) finished TUA and TPP thinking this is the case, but when you think about it it doesn't make a lot of sense on the long term for an organization to work like this, when we consider most parents seem to be volunteers too. While there is an argument that getting three children for the "price" of two parents could be a good deal, those children are untrained, and have to go through a whole process before they can even start the training (as described in the meeting in TUA).

Plus, the executions would have to be carried by volunteers too, and I can't imagine this working long term either. Eventually, someone would have to have been tasked to kill a volunteer that they couldn't. Eventually someone would have to have spilled the secret. Eventually someone in charge of this would want to do something differently.

So, even if killing the parents is something that is done, I believe this would have started around Schism time because at that specific point there must have been volunteers wanting to leave and take their children with them, together with the disagreements between volunteers. Because it was not something that was done, the parents who died were ones that would never expect their fellow volunteers to turn on them like this.

But my main theory about this is that the high number of orphans with weirdly similar backstories is actually a freaky coincidence, in a way. It was totally VFD's fault, but it wasn't executions. More like:

- A number of volunteers had enemies who would love to kill them with fire at any point, so them dying this way isn't particularly weird. Their job put them in this risk.

- Some of the deaths are so close to the children being recruited because sending their children to VFD's care was a way to protect them from these enemies. You are an adult volunteer and you realize you pissed more people off this month, so you send the children away so they will not get caught in the fight. (Check next theory)

- Specific families were targeted by not so well intentioned volunteers for money/revenge/whatever. Those not so well intentioned volunteers arranged to kill the parents and maybe even get their hands on their children ala Olaf and the Baudelaires but it was an individual thing, not a VFD thing or even a Firestarter thing.

- Problematic volunteers who had children may have been targeted by VFD as an organization rather than by individuals as it was seen they were a "lost cause" but the children could still "be saved". It was still an exception and not a rule.

Like I said, all is still VFD's fault, but not a planned mass execution plot.*

(*Maybe in the case of non-volunteer parents it is planned execution though, but how common these even are.)

2- They don't ask permission first

The whole recruitment thing described in that FAQ in TUA is so detailed and specific that it is a waste to think it is just a lie. Also, it isn't like real life parents don't send their children to bad places all the time, if only you say the right words to them.

I believe the parents, specially volunteer parents, are in to the whole thing, more or less.

They are asked permission, but to reasonable things like taking their children to receive top level education, visit incredible places around the world, learn skills they wouldn't learn anywhere, so on... As they metaphorically sign the contract they are probably not aware of the paragraphs in small print there.

Hiding the specifics is enough for non volunteer parents, and volunteer parents are for most times already so used to that life style that they don't need a lot of convincing.

Likewise, the children are aware to some point of what is going on. What would be the point of a FAQ like that if potential new volunteers are not going to read it? Again, they don't know the whole story, just the fun and exciting parts!

As a last note on the recruitment subject, my reading of the story in The Little Snicket Lad and Lemony's notes on it is that Jacob was on board on the thing (since he seemed to be there the whole time and did nothing to stop it) while E seems like she didn't know the recruitment would be on that specific night (or else she would be home to say goodbye) but she knew it was a thing that would happen at some time. Considering this likely happened very near the Schism, I think something made it not go as it should, and that's why E didn't know.

3- Kit is a "brainwashed volunteer"/extremely pro-VFD

Every time I see a post like this I am amazed at how differently we can interpret the same things. For me, Kit seems to be aligned to Lemony when it comes to VFD, and Lemony is consistently shown to be the most anti-VFD volunteer on the firefighting side.

Lemony and Kit work together in whatever rebel plot they had in ATWQ, and while we don't know the aftermath of that, they are working together again by TPP time as is canonically confirmed from the mentions of her in TSS and TGG, and that not counting the theories of L being JS and/or the taxi driver and being directly involved with the sugar bowl plot (which, if he was, may not even be VFD approved).

Also, when Dewey speaks of his hopes for the Thursday meeting, he says that it will change VFD's smoke and mirrors thing.

(Of course, since it is all so vague, it opens room for more complicated and messy possibilities, but still.)

And the way Widdershins spoke of the Snicket siblings... I don't think they would get to that status if they always played by VFD's rules.

4- Beatrice II was kidnapped by VFD

Don't underestimate her.

Beatrice was getting out of options, failing to get in touch with Lemony, so she went to VFD fully knowing who they were, as a last attempt to find out more. It's no coincidence she got in the same class as he did so many years previously.

She used VFD to get the information she wanted. Whether that was a good or a bad idea, that's another matter.

5- VFD's leadership and leaving VFD ("VFD is a cult")

I have posted about this before, but I must insist I don't think such a thing exists. And whatever once existed was already weakened by ATWQ time (a 13 years old and his sister did mess up a big fragmented plot on their own).

VFD is most likely a bunch of people who think they are the smartest ones around doing whatever they feel like and messing up what others are doing.

There are factions and alignments but no hierarchy.

This brings dark conclusions, such as no one would have given the order for B and B to kill Olaf's parents.

So we lack the characteristic leader figure a cult would have, like Ishmael is for the islanders.

Also, there is the whole "you can't leave" idea and I like the drama it brings, but it isn't a "you can't leave, if you do we will kill you" and more a "you can't truly leave because you can't erase what you've done and the memories you have and the consequences that will one day catch up to you".

No one went after Josephine or Hector to try bringing them back, for example, and Olaf only got to them because of the Baudelaire children. Beatrice and Bertrand lived in luxury and peace and their children grew up unharmed until their deaths. And you don't see active volunteers insulting "retired" volunteers and vice versa. Which also breaks another main cult trait.

[lemonysnidget]

Dead Wrong

Or “Who is Beatrice Snicket’s father?”

Reading The End when it first came out, I remember finishing the book and being somewhat bewildered, somewhat dissatisfied, thinking “okay how is that related to anything that came before????”, but also overall thinking “Wow, I’ve got more questions than when I started reading this book.” That’s not to say that I didn’t like the book, or that I didn’t feel like it wrapped up the overarching theme of the series is a really great way. I enjoyed The End, but it’s very different in tone from the rest of the series, and it doesn’t answer a lot of questions you go in with. And even before Chapter 14, you have so many more questions that also won’t be answered. That’s a bold move on Handler’s part, and it’s a rare thing in Children’s Lit (and a lot of fiction overall). 

One of the big questions that has stuck with me as a fan throughout the years - and sparked a few conversations during lunch block with my friends - is Just who is Beatrice’s father? It’s a question you don’t even realize that you could ask until 13.13, and then you’re just kind of stuck with it for the rest of your life. Are the Baudelaire orphans raising the daughter of their former enemy? It’s a great question for Handler to leave the audience with. 

Let’s dive into the significance of why wondering about Beatrice’s father is big, and what implications it has for the meaning of the book.

Reading the series the first time around, you might not even think to ask who is the father of Kit Snicket’s baby. Kit’s presence in TPP is so quick that you might not even have the chance to wonder - I certainly don’t remember even thinking about it, since there were so many other questions to be asked at the time. But, once you have Dewey whisper Kit dramatically before he drowns, the answer seems obvious. You do wonder why Kit didn’t mention Dewey’s existence to the Baudelaires, but you don’t linger on it. You realize that “my brother sends his regards” in Frank’s note is actually talking about Dewey and is kinda cute (or creepy depending on how you’re looking at it) and not a code. And if you didn’t get all of that because the book moves at such a breakneck speed, by the last couple pages of the book, you get this line: 

For another terrible moment, it felt like the boat was going to sink into the water, just as Dewey Denouement had sunk into the pond, guarding his underwater catalog and all its secrets, and leaving the woman he loved pregnant and distraught. (12.13)

Pregnant? Distraught? Sounds like Kit Snicket. So, we have confirmation that Dewey loved Kit (or that Lemony thinks that Dewey loved Kit). And it’s phrased in a way that really makes you inclined to think that there’s little ambiguity on the matter of who impregnated the Snicket lass. 

You get to The End, and everything seems to continue down that same train of thought. Kit asks the Baudelaires specifically about Dewey, and hopes that he will join them too. And then when she finds out Dewey is dead, she just gives up. She tells the Baudelaires: “I've lost too many people—my parents, my true love, and my brothers” and you immediately think she’s talking about Dewey (13.13). You don’t even question it. You just accept that she’s talking about Dewey and move on. But then... suddenly it changes.

"I've lost too much to go on— my parents, my true love, my henchfolk, an enormous amount of money I didn't earn, even the boat with my name on it." (13.13)

There are very few times I’ve actually mentally heard a record scratch in reaction to something, but this was one of them. I remember just stopping and staring at the page for a few seconds, thinking I had misread something. I then flipped back a couple pages to confirm that yep, the parallel structure between Kit’s and Olaf’s statements wasn’t in my head. And I knew that there was absolutely no way that it was an accident. (The in-universe record scratch for the Baudelaires happened with the kiss.)

Handler’s a skilled writer, and he knows enough to be extremely deliberate with his words and phrasing. He knows the importance of punctuation. Even if he might make fun of Aunt Josephine, he uses grammar so well that it’s clear he does care how sentences are structured and how punctuation or the splicing of sentences can provide nuance. No writer worth their salt would have these two sentences in the same chapter (let alone a flip of a page away) if they weren’t trying to say something. Not only do you have similar words and sentiments, there’s similar sentence structure and punctation! These two lines are supposed to go together. And this isn’t even the first time that Olaf and Kit have had very similar lines, in fact in TPP, both Kit and Olaf say "A taxi will pick up anyone who signals for one” matching each other word to word (12.1, 12.9). Perhaps while reading TPP, you didn’t notice it or you assumed it was some kind of code or aphorism of VFD, so you didn’t pay it much mind. But, in hindsight, it seems that Handler was already hinting at Kit and Olaf having a very deep connection. 

More than just parallel structure, Handler has a major, major departure from tone of the whole series and the characterization of both Kit and Count Olaf. ASOUE is not a series that focuses on romance, and it certainly does not advocate the notion of true love - maybe you’d find that in The Pony Party or The Littlest Elf. Love in ASOUE is not a permanent thing, and it is not a good thing. Beatrice 1 moved on from Lemony and was very happy in the life she chose. Charles’ love for Sir was not at all healthy. Esme and Jacques marriage is hardly a fairy tale (more a Russian novel). And even though Lemony seems to carry an ever enduring torch for Beatrice, he never refers to her as his true love. No one mentions true love. But, at the end of The End, pragmatic, Machiavellian Kit brings it up for the first time. It’s a little bit jarring. And then when Count Olaf says it, the reader is asked once again to step back and re-evaluate their understanding of the story’s villain, and the story itself. 

Continuing on that theme of forcing you to re-evaluate a man readers have spent 13 books seeing as a deplorable/disgusting/unloveable individual, Handler gives Olaf and Kit the most intimate moment in the whole series when Kit reaches out to touch Olaf’s tattoo and recite a love poem to him. Two dying individuals on the opposite side of a war, just connecting one last time, to recite poetry to each other. Taken out of context, it seems pretty damn romantic. 

And what does Olaf do in response to Kit’s love poem? He ruins the moment by abridging a poem about the cyclical nature of misery and pain, how children inherit their parents trauma’s, and the best way to avoid passing that burden on is to not have kids and die. Let Olaf say fuck, cowards. Charming thing to say to a pregnant woman in the process of giving birth, eh? Definitely a very Olaf thing to do. Is he just being an asshole? Or is there something else going on? 

At that point, there is no choice but to consider the possibility that Olaf is the father of Kit’s baby. Handler wants us to wonder if Beatrice’s birth is book ended by her parents deaths. 

No doubt, in the year that follows on the coast shelf, the Baudelaires asked themselves just that. Are they raising the child of the man who relentlessly pursued them and who they believe murdered their parents in revenge? They would have definitely done the math and realized that their series of unfortunate events took less than 40 weeks, safely allowing Olaf to have fathered Beatrice before becoming their guardian. 

You can almost see Violet, Klaus, and Sunny searching Beatrice’s face as she grows up, looking for any similarities or clues as to who her father is. Unfortunately, Beatrice “look[s] very much like her mother” so they might never have come to a conclusion (13.14). But, the fact that even with the ambiguity and doubts the Baudelaires still lovingly raised the possible child of the person who they believe made them an orphan is huge. It shows that VFD’s cycle just might be broken. Unlike Olaf, who wasn’t able to let go of the fact that his parents were murdered by at least one of the Baudelaire’s parents and who let it turn him into a twisted villain, the Baudelaires give Beatrice a family, and they don’t let any doubts get in the way of raising her and loving her. And that flies right in the face of everything that has come before.

Instead of the intergenerational passing down of trauma, abuse, and pain that is a part of VFD and the story as a whole, the Baudelaires stand up and stop the cycle. The Baudelaires did not become like Count Olaf, despite their unfortunate events. The Baudelaires rose above their trauma. 

They directly contradict Olaf’s dying words. Man doesn’t have to hand misery to man, and your parents don’t have to fuck you up. Trauma does not have to be something that’s passed on as an epigenetic trait. You can have a terrible childhood, and you can grow up and make sure that whatever you suffered doesn’t happen to the next generation. This is a major takeaway point from the series. 

The ambiguity over Beatrice’s paternity is essential to the overall arc of ASOUE. It completes the circle, and it is a powerful message. So powerful, in fact, that Handler actually decided he had to include it, even if originally, he hadn’t planned on it. 

Handler has talked about how he had to rework some of TPP because of one throw-away line in TBB. But, he hasn’t talked about how suddenly, between TGG and TPP, Kit became 9 months pregnant.

In the driver's seat was a woman the Baudelaires had never seen before, dressed in a long, black coat buttoned up all the way to her chin. On her hands were a pair of white cotton gloves, and in her lap were two slim books, probably to keep her company while she waited.(11.13)

The Baudelaires can see her lap in TGG - Kit was not in her third trimester when Handler originally penned TGG. But, “her belly had a slight but definite curve” as of TPP (12.1). This is a ret-con, folks. Handler can’t change the fact that he had the Baudelaires be able to look into the car and see that she had two books in her lap instead of resting on top of a very pregnant belly, so he tries to act like nothing happened and hopes the readers won’t notice the contradiction. A woman who is about to give birth would have more than a slight curve, I might add, but that’s not exactly important.

Obviously, Kit being pregnant was vitally important to Handler’s story. So important that he contradicted himself, something that he went to great lengths to avoid doing in the same book. If Beatrice’s father was supposed to be Dewey - a character who was only in one book, who supported the Baudelaires rather than challenged them - then Handler would not have done this. Beatrice wouldn’t have been written in if Dewey was meant to be the obvious father. The Baudelaires raising Dewey’s daughter doesn’t really add anything to the story, and it would present far too small of an arc (just the last two books) to be worth it. 

So why even have Dewey be romantically connected to Kit at all? Why not just not give a candidate for who the father of Kit’s baby is until we see her with Olaf? Well... to quote the show:

ASOUE is filled with mysteries. Handler loves weaving them. He loves giving you a few clues here and there, and sometimes giving you enough clues to solve the puzzle on your own, and other times, he deliberately withholds stuff just because it suits his narrative aesthetic. And a lot of the time, he deliberately misleads or misdirects you. 

When it comes to Dewey and Kit’s relationship, Handler gives us enough to connect the dots, but connecting them isn’t necessarily the right thing to do. While it is entirely possible that Dewey and Kit were sexually involved, it is very important to note that Handler does not actually give us any confirmation that Dewey’s feelings were returned or if he and Kit actually were intimate. Dewey loved Kit, yes, that is a fact, but loving someone is not enough to create a baby with them. That’s not actually how it works, even if a lot of sex talks might want you to think so. 

Kit and Dewey were not living together. If Kit and Dewey were planning to co-parent together as a couple, Kit would not be solely responsible for “[choosing] wallpaper for the baby's room” - they would be choosing it together, but instead, Dewey is still living with his brothers at at the Hotel at all hours (12.2) Further support for this is that were Dewey and Kit together, Frank wouldn’t have to act as a go-between for Kit and Dewey by telling her “my brother sends his regards” (12.2). Dewey would have been able to give Kit his regards himself... and he probably wouldn’t be giving regards. For a couple that’s romantically involved, that sounds incredibly formal! In fact, Kit actually describes Dewey as “a wonderful gentleman” (12.2). A similarly stiff way to refer to someone... not to mention the fact that referring to someone as a gentleman is frequently used in the context of a guy not being to forward or taking advantage of a situation sexually where he could have ignored the woman’s boundaries. It really does sound like Dewey, despite loving Kit after years of working with her, wasn’t actually physically intimate with Kit. Dewey’s love, therefore, seems to have a lot more in common with the courtly love of Dante and Beatrice rather than an erotic love.

That doesn’t mean they weren’t mutually emotionally intimate, creating a very strong bond. Kit was obviously extremely distressed by his death and they did work together for years. But, it’s hard to know if Kit was upset to find out about the death of her child’s father or if she was upset because her friend and everything that they had worked for was gone. Or both. Either one is pretty devastating. 

Olaf in book canon is more likely than not Beatrice’s father, for meta reasons and “in universe” reasons. Olaf being Beatrice’s father is consistent with the textual evidence, whereas the textual evidence does not support Dewey and Kit having a serious or even sexual relationship. The Baudelaires considering the possibility that Olaf is Beatrice’s father is absolutely essential for the meaning of the series. The Baudelaires, who unlike us cannot go back and pick apart the text, have to have their doubts, but they treat Beatrice in a way that the prior generations of VFD could not comprehend. 

So you might wonder, Does Olaf know? Does he consider the possibility for Beatrice being his daughter? For him, the matter might be pretty unambiguous, since he has knowledge that the Baudelaires, Lemony, and us the readers don’t have. Perhaps he knows that she isn’t, perhaps he knows she is, perhaps he doesn’t know one way or the other. Regardless, Olaf doesn’t care. Olaf was more than willing to claim he’d kill Kit and her unborn child at the start of The End, but when it comes down to it, Olaf chooses to suffer a lot of pain, prolonging his death, to help the both of them. Darwin might argue that Olaf being Beatrice’s father takes away the selflessness of the act. But, Darwin would be ignoring Count Olaf’s dying words: “Don’t have kids yourself.” Count Olaf did not want to become a father, but he suffers greatly to ensure that Kit’s child is born. 

That is a noble act. 

You could say it would be more noble if it were Dewey’s daughter, but I disagree. Why would Olaf care whether Dewey’s daughter lived or died? He wouldn’t. Olaf’s act is selfless because Beatrice isn’t Dewey’s daughter. 

On the topic of Netflix, and speculation for the third season: 

Do I think the show is going to go this route... possibly. Though the casting of a younger woman to play Kit and a younger man to play the Denouements makes it seem a little bit less likely that they would go for it. But, I do find it interesting that Netflix deliberately added the cake tasting scene in TBB.

Perhaps it might have just been to foreshadow to complicated relationship between Lemony and Olaf, but, it’s interesting that it’s cake when we know that cake is what Beatrice Snicket wants to bring along with her on the boat to escape the island - "Cake!" shrieked the baby, and her guardians laughed (13.14). 

“Cake” is the only non-babytalk line that Beatrice says, and the fact that Handler chose to have Beatrice love cake of all things not to long after he has Lemony inform of us of the fact that Dewey was able to document twenty-seven cakes “that Olaf has stolen” (12.13). Handler wanted to remind us of just how much Olaf loves cakes just before The End. Sure, he’s not the only character who likes cakes, but it is an interesting choice on Handler’s part, and an interesting choice for Netflix to include that scene.

In about a week, we’ll know what route they decided to take with the Netflix adaptation, but I do believe that they have set up the potential for Beatrice being Olaf’s daughter should they choose to keep Beatrice’s line about cake. 

And there you have it, the meta I have had in my ‘drafts’ for six months because I kept on writing it and scrapping it. 

[whoslaurapalmer]

okay so like. i feel like i should come to terms with my ‘4 seasons of the daily punctilio as the office’ because while i came up with GREAT episode descriptions, and also spent like two months of my life dissecting sitcom structure (which was, admittedly, a lot of fun), it would take the Longest to write and the Longest to post, which is terrible, not ideal at all, so 

the highlights, which might make it into my current vague incarnation of ‘modern AU where vfd is a book club in some way’ -- 

-eleanora poe is the managing editor of the punctilio, and she won possession of the paper in a card game from the previous owner (who was vfd-adjacent)  -moxie is city desk editor, lemony is copyeditor, and then jacques does fashion and ramona does finances -they work the night shift, 4pm-12am  -geraldine is hired in the third episode as the theater critic to great distress of the entire staff 

it’s honestly easier to just, post how i wrote out the episode descriptions to show the vague plot i had mapped out, especially because i’m very proud of them regardless -- 

i hadn’t figured out a and b plots for all of them, so i left the ones i had written down -- 

s1, e1 – the punctilio – eleanora wants to take the punctilio in a new direction.

-a plot – the staff gets used to working with a documentary crew as eleanora tries to push the punctilio in a more honest direction.

s1, e2 – the article – the staff works overtime in an attempt to get their articles done.

-a plot – demeaned by the staff’s antics, eleanora has them work overtime to finish articles.

s1, e3 – the new kid – geraldine julienne is hired as the new theater critic.

-a plot – geraldine wants to prove herself, so she decides to do all her work herself.

s1, e4 – the book club – geraldine finds out the other staff members have a book club and tries to get in.

-a plot – geraldine wants to fit in, so she tries to join the book club.

s1, e5 – the ribbon – lemony and moxie try to find a replacement typewriter ribbon.

-a plot – lemony wants to fix his friendship with moxie, so he asks her to help him get new ribbons.

s1, e6 – the finances – ramona uncovers a filing error.

s1, e7 – the straight man – the staff tries to make jacques laugh.

-a plot – concerned at jacques’s steady impassiveness, the staff tries to make him laugh.

-b plot – lemony and the rewrite crew deal with geraldine’s articles?

s1, e8 – the actress – lemony’s girlfriend visits the punctilio offices and creates a stir.

s2, e1 – the theater night – the staff spends an evening at the theater.

-a plot – because the staff doesn’t understand his relationship with beatrice, lemony invites them to the theater.

-b plot – to prove her position, geraldine tries to get esme’s attention at the theater.

s2, e2 – the banker – the staff encounters eleanora’s brother, who comes to audit the office.

-a plot – the staff, hostile to anyone disrupting the paper, does not take well to arthur poe.

-b plot – ramona fields calls from her mother about replanning the garden.

s2, e3 – the sunglasses – eleanora deals with a theft.

s2, e4 – the pigeon – geraldine inadvertently scares the pigeons.

-a plot – attempting to assert her position and knowledge, geraldine accidentally scares lemony’s pigeons off the fire escape.

s2, e5 – the 3rd annual esme squalor fan club dinner party and salad bar – geraldine tries to bring the staff together.

-a plot – geraldine wants to show she’s sophisticated, and involves the staff in the planning of the dinner.

-b plot – lemony wants revenge on geraldine for the pigeons, and sabotages the dinner.

s2, e6 – the inheritance – ramona returns to winnipeg after her mother has an accident.

-a plot – lemony gets updates from winnipeg as ramona helps her mother.

s2, e7 – the kansas city shuffle – eleanora considers some staffing changes.

-a plot – lemony and eleanora engage in mind games as eleanora shuffles the staff around in ramona’s absence and lemony tries to keep his job.

s2, e8 – the intern – the punctilio picks up a new intern.

-a plot – because he misses ramona, and other personal reasons, lemony shuns the new intern. (bertrand. the intern is bertrand.)

s2, e9 – the replacement – eleanora cements her staffing changes.

s2, e10 – the reunion – ramona returns to the punctilio.

-a plot – not wanting to desert her post and colleagues, ramona returns to the punctilio and has to deal with the changes eleanora made.

s2, e11 – the rival – moxie, geraldine, and eleanora meet someone from jacques, lemony, and ramona’s childhood.

-a plot – desperate not to be upstaged or embarrassed by the appearance of olaf, lemony, jacques, and ramona decide to upstage him?

-b plot – eleanora and moxie, feeling left out, try to figure out what olaf’s deal is.

s2, e12 – the salmon – the staff get together to review a new restaurant.

a plot – in pairs, the staff goes to review cafe salmonella.

b plot – eleanora, allergic to salmon and disappointed she can’t go, fields phone calls.

s2, e13 – the framing, part one – on the tail of a big story that might finally get her on the wall of Best Articles, geraldine accidentally frames lemony for a series of crimes.

-b plot – geraldine wants to be on the wall so badly that she digs too hard into an article. (I had an idea it was about like, since she’s fashion editor, eye tattoos???? hmm hmm hmm!)

s3, e1 – the framing, part two – the staff scramble to clear lemony’s name. (fuck the cold open is like, lemony saying once again, “do I have any regrets? several. …. I left the tea kettle in our apartment on.”) (god the sheer beautiful absurdity of lemony on the run…..followed by a camera crew I’m dying)

-a plot – moxie takes the lead on trying to clear lemony of false accusations.

s3, e2 – the assignment – lemony encounters the punctilio’s previous intern.

-a plot – when lemony runs into bertrand again, he wants to make amends.

-b plot – jacques and geraldine get put on assignment together.

s3, e3 – the costume party – beatrice holds a costume party.

-a plot – lemony is nervous about the party and bertrand, and hides the whole time.

s3, e4 – the trivia night – the staff attend trivia night at a local cafe.

-a plot – jacques is nervous about talking to jerome, and asks lemony to accompany him to trivia night – the whole staff follows.

-b plot – geraldine wants to impress people, and studies up for the trivia night.

s3, e5 – the blues (I guess that’s why they call it) – jacques takes a day off.

-a plot – to cope with being denied by jerome, jacques takes a day off.

-b plot – lemony struggles with his feelings and takes it out on the staff. moxie retaliates.

s3, e6 – the moonlighting – geraldine has a hard time keeping lemony’s second job a secret. 

-a plot – torn between wanting to keep a secret and wanting to tell people bc reporter, geraldine goes to great lengths to try and keep lemony’s playwright job a secret.

s3, e7 – the summer camp gang – moxie and lemony hang out with their summer camp friends. (the sbts crew)

s3, e8 – the book club, part 2 – things escalate in the book club.

-a plot – at the monthly ‘book club’ meeting, things get out of hand when the punctilio is brought up.

s3, e9 – the telegram – eleanora gets a telegram from an old friend.

-a plot – eleanora receives a telegram from the previous owner of the punctilio and her old boss.

-b plot – jacques and ramona wait for a different telegram.

s3, e10 – the game – a flashback to eight years previously, when eleanora got the punctilio.

-a plot – eleanora, much like her employees in the present, wants to prove herself, and engages in a battle of wits to get a newspaper of her own.

s3, e11 – the librarian – moxie gets involved in a dispute between the snickets and a librarian. (dewey.)

s3, e12 – the hustle – after being picked up at the city jail, lemony tells ramona what happened at the pool hall.

-a plot – having called ramona because she’d be the least embarrassing, lemony talks about how pride was his downfall at the pool hall.

-b plot – moxie and jacques get involved in a game of Hell Chess.

s3, e13 – the siblings snicket – jacques and lemony’s sister returns to town.

-a plot – worried about lemony and jacques, their sister, kit, visits the punctilio to check on them.

-b plot – moxie and geraldine become determined to find out about the person who runs the presses.

s4, e1 – the feint – the staff investigates the local mystery of the feint family.

s4, e2 – the cat – ellington and the staff butt heads.

s4, e3 – the anniversary – geraldine’s three year hiring anniversary is derailed.

s4, e4 – the train – the staff finds themselves trapped on a train.

s4, e5 – the candlestick maker – the investigation takes a turn.

s4, e6 – and all of them out to sea – the investigation into the feints comes to an unexpected end.

s4, e7 – the lunch – lemony tries to meet someone for lunch.

s4, e8 – the soda – geraldine gets an offer.

-a plot – geraldine is torn between her love and devotion to the punctilio and her still-there desire to prove herself, especially to esme, when esme offers her a job.

s4, e9 – the reckoning – moxie makes a decision.

-a plot – moxie is startled to find herself upset about geraldine’s offer.

s4, e10 – the fire – eleanora’s telegram from last season comes back to haunt the punctilio.

s4, e11 – the end – lemony, jacques, and ramona reach an understanding.

s4, e12 – the caveat – eleanora fights for her employees.

s4, e13 – the volunteers – geraldine and lemony talk.

-a plot – scared that the punctilio and her friends are breaking up, geraldine seeks out lemony for advice. 

s4, e14 – the punctilio, part 2 – once again, the punctilio takes a new direction. 

-b plot – the cameraman is finally revealed.

[eyeofthebrainstorm]

I think it's time for the Kitlaf post.

What can I say, I loved the visual and the energy of the scene, it wasn't far from what I always envisioned and it had the right intensity to it.

I'm glad they decided to make it clear that they both still had feelings for each other, and most of all that Olaf was really in love with her. I do think the sentiment is actually more complicated than that, but in the context of the series it was fitting.

The bite of the apple was as savage as I always dreamed, the bridal style carry was surprising but effective, the kiss was tender but passionate, perfect.

Seeing them laying side by side and giggling on their death bed messed me up real good.

But there are a couple of things I disliked: I don't know why they made Olaf say that "this be the verse" was something that Lemony used to say. The whole point of Olaf reciting that poem in the book is to show that he also has a knowledge of literature, that he could be a volunteer, and that the life he lived was his own choice and that's why he never apologizes. Also the fact the he says the last verse directly at the Baudelaires makes it a little less ambiguous and sad. Of curse the whole adaptation is less ambiguous and sad, so it makes a certain sense. And it does create a nice irony with the fact that the Baudelaires take care of Beatrice II.

I can't say why I love Kit and Olaf talationship so much, I guess I was very young when I read that scene in the book, and it was so moving and surprising and intense that it stayed with me very firmly, without really knowing why or what effect it had on me exactly . I knew it was wrong and I knew it wasn't meant to be, but I also knew that it was beautiful and very... human.

I think in time I understood that what I took from Kit and Olaf is that love and passion, and affection and comfort are very different things. And that we have to live with that fact that love doesn't end where pain begins, and we have to be wise enough to stay away from love that can hurt us.

Kit and Olaf were both playing family, one with his disfunctional relationship with Esme, the other being pregnant but not caring for her own safety and health. In the end that last moment of passion on the shore they reveal them self for who they really are, fools in love, who chose to live a life where they had to play with fire.

And I think that the Netflix version managed to convey these feelings very well in its own way.

[snicketstrange]

Rereading The End Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Olaf claims to be aware that the Baudelaires parents were on the island. According to the revised chronology, this happened after Gregor A.'s Schism, and after the fight for salmon. This means that Olaf had access to information about the Baudelaires parents being on the island after the AA fire. This corresponds to the events described by Ish about the creation of a tunnel connecting the island to AA. The events surrounding Gregor A.'s schism seem to be one of the main backgraunds for understanding Beatrice and Bertrand's stay on the island. This makes sense when we think that the deadly fungus MM was directly linked to Gregor's Schism.

Considering Violet's age, and knowing that Beatrice was pregnant with her when when Beatrice was on the island, we can conclude that Gregor's schism occurred about 14-15 years before the main events described in asoue.

It is interesting to note that Phill, in TMM states that for 14 years no one had knocked on the door that the Baudelaires slammed when they arrived at the mill. This mill was next to a forest full of peculiar apple trees. Did Beatrice, after leaving the island, try to replicate her experiments near the sawmill? Well, the chronology checks.

"Of course I'm trying to trick you!" Olaf cried. "That's the way of the world, Baudelaires. Everybody runs around with their secrets and their schemes, trying to outwit everyone else. Ishmael outwitted me, and put me in this cage. But I know how to outwit him and all his islander friends. If you let me out, I can be king of Olaf-Land, and you three can be my new henchfolk. "

Olaf's dialogue with the Baudelaires is very interesting, and it is possible not to disagree at least in part with the villain. There is no safe place in this world. And Ish is as horrible a person as Olaf, despite having the opposite motivation. I think Daniel Handler wants to show that extremism in any direction leads one to become a villain.

I found it interesting that Ish ate the apple just before he met Olaf and the Baudelaires on the coastal platform. Did he already suspect the possibility that Olaf had the deadly fungus MM with him? It is also interesting that Olaf already knew that Ish was going to eat those apples, and that the object that fell from his hands was exactly the core of an apple. Apparently, Olaf and Ish were in a piscological battle trying to deduce each other's next step.

"Do you think your pathetic history is the only story in the world? Do you think this island has just sat here in the sea, waiting for you to wash up on its shores?

Olaf demonstrated a great deal of knowledge about the events on the island. Probably people who left the island earlier informed him about what was happening there. But I think the concept (which started since LSTUA) that the asoue world does not revolve around the Baudelaires is really cool. This was very well reinforced by Olaf's words, when he made it very clear that the history of the Baudelaires is not the only history in the world. But the most interesting thing is that Olaf did not speak to the Baudelaires about the healing power of apples, even though he already knew that.

"Do you think that I just sat in my home in the city, waiting for you miserable orphans to stumble into my path?"

I understand that this question is ambiguous. But I understand that this question most likely indicates that Olaf was in his own affairs when suddenly and by chance from his point of view, the Baudelaires entered his life. I think this is the simplest understanding. The meaning can be the opposite, hypothetically speaking: Olaf did not just stand and wait for the Baudelaires to come into his life by chance, but he did something to make it happen. But that doesn't make sense here. Olaf is trying to prove that the world does not revolve around the Baudelaires. If Olaf had acted, causing the fire at their parents' house, this argument would have made no sense. While his last words may, hypothetically, be a way to act cruelly just before he dies, in an attempt by Olaf to leave the children in doubt as to who really was behind the death of their parents, this is not the case here. Olaf, without being encouraged, started a series of questions (he even seemed a little indignant at the Baudelaires' lack of awareness and their egocentrism) and tried to show that there are several stories going on at the same time. So, I believe that this question in this context is strong evidence that it was not Olaf (or anyone at Olaf's request) who caused the fire at the Baudelaire mansion.

"I could tell you stories, Baudelaires," Count Olaf said in a muffled wheeze. "I could tell you secrets about people and places that you would never dream of. I could tell you about arguments and schisms that started before you were born. I could even tell you things about yourselves that you could never imagine. Just open the door of my cage, orphans, and I'll tell you things you could never discover on your own. "

Those words from Olaf have always touched me. I feel like he's being sincere here in regards to him actually having a lot to say if he wanted to. I want to emphasize the fact that he talked about schisms in the plural, which reinforces the fact that there is more than one occasion in the history of VFD that can be called Schism. One of them happens when kit was a child. Another certainly happened at the time when Gregor A. planned to use the deadly fungus MM to get rid of his enemies. This caused another schism, but this time within the fire-extinguishing side. It is interesting to note that Gregor Anwhistle's Schism was caused by a fundamental question: Was the violence against enemies on the VFD fire-extinguishing side justifiable or not? When Olaf accused Captain W.'s family of never deciding which side of the schism they would support, I think Olaf was referring to Gregor Anwhistle's schism. However, I find it significant that Olaf claims that he could tell secrets about the Baudelaires themselves that they did not know. If we associate this with the hint that Olaf was orphaned by the Baudelaires 'parents, we can conclude that Olaf believed that the Baudelaires' parents supported Gregor Anwhistle's ideologies that violence is sometimes justified. If we add to this the fact that the Snickets fought for the salmon, this seems to indicate that they also came to believe this, at least up to a tolerable limit of violence. Kit was admittedly involved with the poison darts, but she still did not accept the use of the deadly fungus MM. I think all of this shows that Gregor's Schism has fragmented VFD into several factions.

Lemony says that Klaus has been curious about many books since a visitor to his home wrote the alphabet on his wall. This is very specific information and I wonder how Lemony got it. I think the simplest answer is that Lemony read about it in the Baudelaires' writings, although it is possible to obtain this information from other people. However, I think it is more likely to be through the Baudelaires' writings because two pieces of information come together: the first is that there was a visitor who wrote the alphabet on the wall and the second is that Klaus became known for reading that remarkable moment. This second information is of an internal nature, and could be accessed through Klaus' family members, or through Klaus himself. I can't imagine Beatrice and Bertrand meeting Lemony to talk about Klaus.

The end of chapter 7 considers a hypothetical secret that the Baudelaires refused to hear. Lemony's narration really makes me think of the secret about the Baudelaires' parents, that they were not as peaceful as the children wanted to believe they were. I think the children thought the same thing and refused to accept that thought for having a little cordial coconut drink.