#make myself feel better or else I’ll implode

[crybaby-bkg]

Oliver is so big dog coded I need to put him on a leash and swat at his nose with newspaper after finding him with my used underwear and let him mount me until he’s satisfied which is. Never.

[twistedteatime]

Care

A/N: I feel like crap today. I'm better now than I was earlier. I wanted some period care with Bucky and decided to write it myself. I've got other fics to write, but this is the one that came of today. It's not in the Scorpio AU. It's just a standalone.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x !femReader

POV: 2nd no use of Y/N.

Summary: Bucky comes home and finds you in a state of pain because of your period and takes care of you.

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: Strangely enough I don't think there's any LANGUAGE to warn about for once. Fluff. Care. Talk of heavy period pain symptoms (because I'm not in the tribe of periods being unmentionable). Bucky and Alpine being cute. I can't think of anything else. (I'm sure there's more but I can't remember)

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AO3 Link: Care

*******

You were still home when Bucky walked into the house. His brows scrunched together as his blue eyes looked at you as you shuffled back through the doorway from the bathroom, Alpine following you with a worried meow.

Concern bubbled in his stomach at the sight of your pale face and tired, heavy-lidded eyes, sweat soaking through one of his T shirts you were wearing. Then you looked at him as he was looking at the pulled-out drawers, tears pooling in your eyes as he stepped in with a gentle sigh and locked the door as he always did.

He knew what this was. He hated it, but not for most reasons men hated it. Bucky hated what it did to you.

Not every month, but too often for his liking your period put you in a state like this. The last couple of months had been alright, but not this one.

You sniffled, “I can’t find the heating pad anywhere. I’m so hot, though. I’ve already changed my clothes twice. I’m hungry but the thought of food makes me wanna puke. I did puke. It feels like my uterus wants to implode. My head hurts…and I’m so tired!”

You were overwhelmed. It wasn’t the first time.

Pain radiated in your lower back, your lower abdomen felt like it was a hand mercilessly squeezing a tube, your thighs ached and you could feel the start of a migraine coming that was almost guaranteed if you started crying. If you cried you were done for but you were so tired it hurt to hold it together.

He didn’t hesitate another moment.

“Shh…I’m home now, sweetheart. It’s gonna be alright.” Bucky soothed, walking quickly over to you to scoop you up in his arms to carry you to the couch, “The heating pad is in the closet. I’ll go get it. Does it help to sit or help to walk?”

“Sit.”

“Okay. Don’t move. I’ve got you, okay?��� he asked and you nodded, wiping your eyes, smiling a bit when he kissed your forehead.

You’d been worried when you first moved in together that he didn’t understand what you meant when you said your periods could get bad. It worried you how he’d react to them and how long it’d take before he got annoyed with them. The first time he saw what happened in its full “glory” Bucky had been intensely worried but had also sprung himself into action to do everything he could to alleviate it.

He had even asked Sarah for help and followed her advice to the letter. Including trying to get you to go to the doctor. You found it ironic with how much he hated going to them himself that he was willingly taking you to one.

The experience didn’t improve his opinion on them. Not that you didn’t warn him what would happen. You’d been through it enough.

Just take Tylenol, Advil, Aleve, Pamprin, Midol, etc. Eye rolls. Ignored.

You were used to it. Bucky didn’t give up. He kept trying and whenever you had a bad month he was always there to take care of you. It helped more than the OTC meds and even though you found a doctor that listened, which you were slightly convinced their fear of your boyfriend played a large factor in, you still had bad months.

In a moment he was there with the large pad, plugging it in and handing you the controls to place it over your front, and he had another one of his shirts. You just raised your arms for him to pull the sweat soaked one off and let him put on the lighter dry one. He put an extra blanket on the couch behind you knowing once the hot flash was over you’d get cold. Bucky didn’t want you to feel cold just in case he wasn’t done before you did.

Next came a large glass of water with a wedge of lemon in it and three different flavors of candy canes or peppermints. He kept them in the house year-round once he figured out that one of them was usually likely to help with your nausea. The next part was the hard part.

“I know you don’t feel good, sweetie, but you really do need to eat. What have you tried?”

“Toast. It didn’t stay down…and I just can’t…think of something that tastes…good.” You answered and he nodded, thinking before carefully suggesting a few things that you usually would eat on days like this until you slowly nodded, “That…that’s not nauseating…”

He nodded and went back into the kitchen, Alpine hot on his tail. Occasionally you’d hear her meow at him and him respond to it. Soft, short, then a bit more accusatory.

“Have you been watching Kitchen Nightmares with her again?”

It made you chuckle sleepily. He brought out your food a few moments later, sitting with you to eat, putting on one of your favorite shows that you knew he secretly liked even if he said he didn’t. Still he mostly kept his eyes on you with soft, caring, and concerned ones.

The food stayed down. You’d love to say it always did when he made it, but sometimes it didn’t want to. You’d love to say the moment he got home that the pain subsided but you both knew that wasn’t how it worked. You’d love to say a lot of things you couldn’t, but you focused on what you could before the heaviness of your thoughts could pull you down too far.

Bucky was a cuddler on regular days but on these ones he took it to the next level whenever you needed it. Sure there were days you didn’t want to be touched, which he respected without question, but those days were far fewer than the ones where you just wanted to be held.

This was one of them and as soon as you were both done with your food and the dishes put away Bucky returned and pulled you into his lap, heating pad and all.

Alpine hopped up into your now vacant seat as she always did, curling herself up where you had been. Like usual she looked at you, then looked at Bucky, and then he nodded. Only then did she either lay her head down or turn it to look at the TV with the two of you.

It depended on what you were watching.

You were still sweating. Bucky noticed this and held out his left hand to you. The metal of it was cool, soothing, and even if it was a strange use for it, in some ways, to him, he was grateful for it. So were you while guiding it where you wanted, usually to your spine which sometimes required you to shift around a bit so he could run his hand up and down it. Sometimes it was just to your face. Sometimes, like today, you just slipped it under his shirt on you and around your side so he’d hold you closer.

He always did and you never failed to doze off, head against his shoulder within the next ten or so minutes. Usually less. Eyelids heavy, head foggy, you’d doze off even if it took you some time.

“Thank you.” You said softly, meekly, and his heart clenched as it always did.

To him it wasn’t something he needed to be thanked for, but, he supposed, he thanked you for things you didn’t think needed thanking for.

So he replied the same way you did, “You don’t need to thank me, but if it makes you feel better, you’re welcome.”

“Hmm.” You hummed, cuddling into him more with a small smile.

“Feelin’ better?”

“Yeah…sleepy…” you answered and he nodded, holding you close, “Sleepy and weird questions. Like: what did women with periods crave before chocolate was a thing?”

“I don’t know, sweetheart, I’m not that old.” He retorted lightly, lips curling up softly when you chuckled heavily, drifting off slowly, “Probly some other sweet thing. Like honey.”

“Mh…why?”

“I don’t know. Energy from the sugar?”

“Then why’d I crave chips?” you asked sleepily.

“They’re carbohydrates. Carbs are energy.”

“Then why’m I so sleepy?” you mumbled and he just cuddled you with a small smile.

“Hormones and other things. Get some sleep, baby, I’ve got you.” Bucky said and you smiled while dozing off, knowing you were safe and cared for.

Once he was sure you were asleep, and that Alpine wasn’t watching it, he turned your show off to put something else on. Something he knew you liked even if you teased him for it being old and kind of corny. He wasn’t really watching it; he was typing into his phone.

To your doctor.

*******

A/N: Someone might be in trouble. Slight, teensy weensy itty bitty kinda sorta soft dark Bucky. Maybe. Bascially this is what I'd want from Bucky today for myself so...call it self indulgent. It helped. I feel better now. Sort of. Enough to function on my other fics.

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[scooby-review]

Scooby Doo Goes Hollywood

The future of Scooby Doo looked fairly rocky following the end of The Scooby Doo Show, with studio executives viewing the formula of the show as tired and requesting some unique shake-ups to keep the series afloat and bring ratings higher again. Their solution to this issue came in Scrappy Doo, a new mascot and sidekick who did ultimately keep the franchise alive. Just as Scooby Doo and Scrappy Doo started airing, the TV Movie Scooby-Doo Goes Hollywood too was released. 

Such context is imperative to understanding why this movie is the way it is, what it’s saying about the franchise as a whole, and Hollywood at that. When I watched this movie a few years back, I found it frustrating and dull, and while I still can’t say I love it, watching the entire series chronologically gives me a greater appreciation for why this film feels the way it does, why they choose this route for its story and the duality of its feelings towards itself. 

Released for the franchise's 10th anniversary, the movie follows Shaggy and Scooby as actors, as Shaggy implores Scooby to reach for higher branches in Hollywood, no longer content with their Saturday morning cartoon. This frames the first three series of the franchise as in world TV shows, and this alone is something that I don’t love. Partly, my issues come with how little it feels like they can lean into this concept - these actors go by their characters names, and everyone except Shaggy acts just as their characters would. Rarely am I a fan of storylines that implode the world we look in on, however given the wiry continuity of Scooby as is, I can look past this.

On Shaggy and Scooby’s adventures to rise in fame, we watch through a series of pilots the pair are producing for the network, all of these act as parodies of shows from the era. It completely breaks away from what Scooby is. All of this is purposeful, it feels like the writers are searching for a unique direction to take these characters, this world, mimicking the reality that they did have to find this inspiration. Given Scrappy’s exclusion from this movie, it feels like a send of to this classic era of the show, and the ending seeks to usher in something greater. 

I’ll dive into the characters first, because as mentioned, they remain mostly unchanged in personality despite this film suggesting to us that they’re actors. Yet Shaggy is infuriating to watch here, he’s so distant from the “character he plays”, instead adopting a somewhat fame hungry ideology, yet specifically, he wants Scooby to rise the ranks. It’s a curious concept, because Scooby himself has no mind of his own - we see Shaggy tell him that he’s better than this show, and therefore, he goes along with his friends pilots and plots to seek out this rise in fame and grow in respectability despite never really committing to this belief. More so, he does whatever Shaggy tells him, and although Shaggy isn’t attempting to use Scooby to climb the ranks, it’s written in such a way that gives me no real trust in this character, he’s completely ignorant to the rest of the gang and their positions in Hollywood, and this neglect crafts him into a character that I don’t enjoy spending time with. Of course, his pilots suck, they’re parodies and would craft awful shows, this builds the structure of the movie’s jokes, but after a while, I find myself tired of watching this take on the character, a take that feels like anyone but Shaggy. 

Also, we see that (for some reason) the actors of the gang chose Scooby at a petshop, it’s a weird choice given the idea to ground this movie in Hollywood, but alas, it’s even more infuriating when they only use this flashback to once again make me dislike Shaggy! What do you mean he didn’t want Scooby? This concept doesn’t go anywhere, they just make him a frustrating character to watch without any reason. In the end, he simply decides that everyone else was right all along, and Scooby is needed as a Saturday morning cartoon character, which only further begs the question, why did he believe otherwise, so strongly, for so long, if his mind can be switched so simply. 

As will grow an even more prevalent trend in the series to come, the rest of the gang are given little to do, little to say, in fact, their storyline is simply that Scooby and Shaggy’s absence means they could be out of jobs - great. 

Despite all my complaints, once you get past this poor characterisation and interesting creative decisions, I did find this to be a fairly enjoyable time.

It’s worth mentioning that this is a musical, the movie has four songs, all of which work nicely in the narrative and lend themselves well to the pacing of this story - I was often relieved when we reached a song. 

Move Over is the first song, it details Scooby and Shaggy’s intentions on growing more famous within the market of Hollywood. It’s a fairly straightforward song, but it works well in the landscape of this story as a musical, and there’s a lot of fun visuals as the pair run through sets of movies they dream of starring in. 

Ruby Cool Guy follows, and it’s placed in one of the aforementioned pilots Shaggy and Scooby craft. Simply, it’s about Scooby being cool, he’s positioned in a sitcom, playing a very specific archetype of the cool guy, and therefore, this song feels like a desperate attempt for the character to convey this, it’s part parody of this style of show, but moreover, the song itself acts as a jab against the pilot, it details Scooby’s inability to fall into this role, for he’s not built to be in a story such as this. 

Scooby Doo We’re Missing You is a riff on the New Scooby Doo Movies intro, it uses Velma, Daphne and Fred as its singers in their main role in the movie. The opening to this song is a lot of fun, however, unlike the other songs, the animation to back up this one isn't built on creative boarding and ideas, instead playing archival clips from the series past, such as from the episodes A Gaggle of Galloping Ghosts, The Spooky Space Kook and so many more. Here the gang call for Scooby to return to his roots, and again, it makes sense given the ongoing conflict of how to rejuvenate the series. Should the writers take on something entirely new? Or is sticking to their guns better?

Finally we have Gotta Have Time, which returns to the unique boarding style, it’s a lot of fun to watch and the animation is incredibly fluid. It’s another show parody, but the idea of loving Scooby reflects the themes of the movie as a whole, the reality that the character has grown into such an icon, and the people love this character, that people just need time to realise how much they adore him. 

As for the pilots, they all act as riffs on, then, popular shows and movies, these include Laverne and Shirley, Happy Days, Superman, The Sound of Music, Donny & Marie, The Love Boat and Charlie's Angels. I don’t know much about any of these shows, but Happy Days is the one I enjoyed the most, simply because I found the inclusion of a Fonz like character funny. I was hoping we could watch Scooby jump the shark, but alas, we cannot have nice things. 

Another interesting note is that the “Super Scooby” pilot takes place in Big City, taken directly from Dynomutt, Dog Wonder, a Hanna Barbera cartoon, and Scooby clone, that the series is well acquainted with given their previous crossovers and shared airing block. 

The movie ends, of course, with Scooby and Shaggy seeing the love the world has for them, and they return to their Saturday morning cartoon. I enjoy the world coming together to tell Scooby how much they adore him, and the show, how, as stated in The New Scooby Doo Movies intro, they couldn’t have a show without him. It’s sweet and I appreciate the way it pays respect to itself, Scooby Doo is a huge series and this movie allows itself to grow self indulgent with the titular character, they can drop him into these increasingly wacky scenarios, and it works. Here more than ever, it feels like they’re leaning into the idea of Scooby as an icon as opposed to a character, he’s the mascot of the series, and here, he transcends the nature of the series, he’s a cartoon character that could fit into these wacky stories and worlds, but his story rests with the gang. 

At least for now. 

It’s almost ironic watching this in retrospect, because fairly soon, the gang will be gone, and sure, they couldn’t have a show without Scooby himself, but this story that delves into the desire of keeping Scooby at home in his own Saturday morning cartoon and the importance of retaining such is all the more potent when the franchise would have to fight until the 2000s to justify existing. Now it feels like new Scooby is a given, and it’s difficult to say how we would reflect on the franchise had this been the end. 

At times, it feels like the movie is talking directly to us as an audience, other times directly to the studio. Sometimes I find myself reading the movie as stating that Scooby could be more, but he’s best grounded in his own small show, that this Hollywood world is fun, but Scooby should remain himself and shouldn’t explore these wider worlds. Such a reading makes sense given the fact the following series does exactly this, their solution is to add something, rather than take away or rearrange what already worked. Yet other times, I get the sense this movie is about the oversaturation of the character, the style and the world - with a character so malleable, who’s to say he couldn’t be dropped into a western or a teen drama? What does it mean to perceive the integrity of a show like Scooby Doo? 

Regardless, I appreciate this a lot more than I once did, I found a lot of it funny and the pieces I didn’t like then I still don’t enjoy. 

I would also be remiss to not mention the only semblance of a villain in this movie, the Crab Creature of Creepy Crag. He appears in the opening of the movie, and he’s designed to be a caricature of a Scooby villain. The alliteration in the name feels especially evocative of the naming schemes sometimes seen, alongside the addition of a location to spice up the identity of the character. We see a humanoid crab creature, one that feels evocative of monsters such as the Pterodactyl Ghost, a non-humanoid creature anthropomorphised. 

Also, fun fact, this is the first time Frank Welker would voice the character of Scooby, playing him as a puppy. 

Overall, this is a movie that I appreciate a lot more than I enjoy, but it’s a cute time for what it is. There’s an evident desire both for change and for things to stay the same - Scooby must stay, this is certain, but as a complete mirror of the special, the real world executives were burning for Scooby not to return to his own show, but to bring in something new and to rejuvenate the franchise. 

Thank you for reading this review of Scooby Goes Hollywood! This was a lot of fun to watch and write about, I think I only had such strong negative feelings towards this when I first watched it because, without any context or knowledge of what this is, the story is incredibly jarring. Next week we move onto the first Scrappy Doo series, and I for one, cannot wait :) Funnily enough, the next movie isn't until the end of the Scrappy era. Have a great week!

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Next Review: Scooby Doo and Scrappy Doo Season 1 Episodes 1-4

Previous Review: The Scooby Doo Show Retrospective

[rob-thedairyqueen]

you tagged "ass" as 'swearing tw' ? you will never survive the outside world 😭

Ah, that’s an interesting perspective! Thanks for sending this ask. Let me break down what it is you’re actually telling me— or at least, what I think you’re telling me. Correct me if I misunderstand you!

1. You’re operating under the assumption that I tag for swearing because it bothers me personally.

This is actually partially true; I don’t personally like swear words, and that is part of what motivates me to tag it. But I never actually block this tag, so I’m not using it to filter out posts for myself. Rather, I’m mostly trying to give anyone else who *would* like to filter out swearing the opportunity to do so. Many people tag things specifically for their followers, and not for themselves.

Even if I was filtering posts out, what’s wrong with that? Isn’t it responsible of me to understand my own limits and curate my online space in a way that works for me?

2. You’ve taken the indication that swearing bothers me as an indication that I’m not able to engage meaningfully, politely, or effectively with people who do.

That’s a bit of a jump. I can and do listen to people who use those words, and appreciate what it is they have to say. I just happen to tag their posts online while I do it. The fact that I’m reblogging posts with swears in them— generally because I like them in some way or agree with their message— regardless of the fact that I don’t use or especially like certain words should tell you right off the bat that I don’t implode as soon as I hear/see one.

But let’s ignore all of that for a second. Let’s assume that I’m exactly the person you think I am: someone who, for whatever reason, is so upset by swear words some or all of the time that I cannot meaningfully engage with others who use them.

You’re right that such a person would possibly have a very hard time relating to and working with others. That would make their own life quite difficult, as well as the lives of the people around them. And the thing is, I’m sure that person would probably be well aware of this fact, because they’re living it. And they’d already probably feel bad about having this problem.

So what good does telling them they are doomed to fail do? What is your motivation for saying something like this? It doesn’t feel like you’re trying to help me. If you wanted to help me, you would maybe try to see what exactly caused my discomfort with swear words and try to suggest solutions to get me more comfortable and therefore better able to adapt to my environment.

This feels like you are simply trying to shame me��� a stranger— for a perceived fault. Why? Are you frustrated that people around you seem overly sensitive and therefore unable to discuss serious issues? I think a lot of people worry about that. Completely fair. But there are a lot more constructive ways to address that issue than poking fun at someone for doing something harmless in their own lane.

I’m happy to continue talking with you about this, if you genuinely want to have a conversation. This is pretty entertaining.

Watch as the reason you came at me is because I accidentally tagged a post that was using that word to refer to a donkey and not a butt. LOL If that’s what I did, let me know which post it was and I’ll remove the tag!

[just-jess-78]

Today has been a week since everything imploded. I haven’t heard a word from him and he definitely hasn’t heard one from me.

My head hasn’t been this clear in years. I used to constantly feel like my brain was stuck on a channel that was just static. The only negative emotion I’m having to fight is being embarrassed. Not because anyone knows or will know eventually. Nothing to do with what anyone else thinks just the embarrassment of knowing that he still let me try to make everything better knowing damn good and well that he was on his way out. What a snatch.

I haven’t been up this late in so long. My best friends sister is being transferred to home hospice tomorrow and she asked me this morning if I would go to her house and get her laundry and bring it home and do it because her dryer went out this morning. She has two kids. Her husband has two and they just adopted three more. I have been doing laundry non stop since this morning at eight. Lord love a duck. I totally fucking forgot how big a load of little kids laundry is. And I don’t know if kids socks just don’t match anymore or if I grabbed a basket of stragglers but there’s fifty million kids socks with no matches. My mom had a basket full of socks that had lost their match and I swear I spent a good part of my childhood having to “match socks” but I’ll tell you one thing…if a sock doesn’t find its match after three days in my house it goes straight to the trash. I do not play with sock baskets but the bitches I love do.

Doing someone else’s laundry is a very intimate thing. Normally I know I’m in love with someone when I start wanting to do their laundry and clean for them. Growing up I never even thought about being anything other than a wife and a mother. Everyone that comes to my house always comments on something. I feel like I was born knowing how to make a home a home. I know that sounds shallow but it’s coming from a deep place. My friend with the laundry was raised by her dad. Her mom died when she was little so she never had a mom in her life to teach her things like how to sort laundry or not to wash whites with jeans or anything because you need to bleach them. I guess my point is…what if that’s all I’m good at? What if I don’t enjoy doing anything else. That’s just kind of a thought that’s been in the back of my mind and I want to get it out of there so I can wake up and refocus on putting all the energy that I put into cleaning and making things “perfect” into myself and of course my kids I just feel guilty for mentioning them because we have a rule that nobody talks about/tags/posts pics of anyone without asking if the person minds and clearly I didn’t ask them.

I’ve done 18 huge loads of laundry and my last load is finally dry. Tomorrow I’m taking them to her and getting the stuff she couldn’t get out of her room without waking her husband up 🤪 I’ll tell you this much…I love her and I love being able to do her laundry for her 💗💗💗

Its still a lotta fucking little socks though lol

[soy-saus]

Lonely Religion - Syudou Singable Lyrics

I’m not unhappy, no, not in the least

I’m not so stupid to feign ignorance to it

So, if I bottle up these feelings that will swish in my heart

There’s not a chance I’ll face discomfort nor taste at all bitterness

There’s no value in anything I do

It will just turn out the same, and still I just won’t complain

All alone, at midnight I hear these thoughts implode my brain

Thoughts of a menhera make me think normally

(Haha, haha)

Cause of you, though, seems I’m able to attain some stability

See here, I’m not lonely in the least

No, I’m not lonely in the least bit

Even with my insatiable yearn for love and peace

Come on, why don’t you fool me

I will play the part of fool for you

Pushed to the back of my brain is the lies you’re feeding me

Let us live all pure and happy

Don’t wanna shift the blame to anyone else

But if I shift it all on myself, it ruins my health

Day, night, mourning, just like teeth I’ll do it twice a day

Barely putting effort, praying it’ll save me

Ah, I hate it, saying I hate it won’t change a thing and yet, still I’m here lamenting

Clinging onto, “it’s still better than dying” the death seals words for me

This pure, angelic, innocent fucker

Won’t stay bootlicker forever

The old man's lies pulled out of his ass

Both are as one and insane (the same)

See here, I’m not honest in the least

No, I’m not honest in the least bit

Even when I try my best, I still can’t fit in

Really, can you just sweep me away

Astonish me, bedazzle me

“Happy end”’s what I’m looking for, so sweep me the ticket to the train

I’ll start running, even when I’m nothing

Ancient blueprint that I’m still tracing, both hazy, clear all over, over

I just want to keep on living

Naive, but not looked down upon

Wake in morning, sleep in the night, over and over and over, that’s it

Once held desires have since faded, when looking, I see this is all I have left

Can I keep going even when I devoting me to this singular thing

Everybody just happily point and laugh at this fool who thinks they know

See here, I’m not lonely in the least

No, I’m not lonely in the least bit, but

R.I.P

See here, I’m not lonely in the least

No, I’m not lonely in the least bit, but

Even with my insatiable yearn for love and peace

Come on, why don’t you fool me

I will play the part of fool for you

Pushed to the back of my brain is the lies you’re feeding me

Let us live all pure and happy

[32flavorsotbbg]

10.23

Lots on my mind tonight. Faith is beating out at work because she can’t micromanage Mariah anymore. She’s losing her marbles lowkey like i feel like I’m watching her implode. She wouldn’t interact with me at all today. But unfortunately I can’t acknowledge the thing if she doesn’t bring up whatever’s bothering her. Cause I’m not about to draw it out of her. I’ve got my own stuff to worry about.

I know that if I pissed her off, that’s not really my problem. I didn’t go to Veronica to be malicious, I did it to give myself some peace of mind in the midst of not only the disorganization at work but eeevvveerryyyything else.

Being ghosted by a married man, my mom going thru literally stage four cancer and it honestly looking lowkey not great just from how feeble she’s gotten over the past few months. Her back feels stiff and just……idk it’s scary.

Just all of it. Life. Staring with whether or not I’m making the right move by moving out again. But it sounds like my parents are kinda financially stressed (long term). So it seems like I should get tf up outta here and kinda let them go thru this with a lil more privacy idk

It looks like ad and Jake saw Raymond last night. They took pics and ad put them on ig. Then when I called her to complain about work she didn’t bring it up at all but like, neither did I. She kinda seemed like she wanted to get off the phone lol maybe she doesn’t wanna talk about it.

Maybe he asked them not to say anything.

Maybe there is nothing to say.

Maybe whatever there is to say would just be even more like, mind boggling and it’s better if I don’t hear it.

Whatever the case, I don’t have fucking space for any of this shit lmao

Life is hard enough without being a single ish parent or your mom dying or your bd being trash or some man being a loser or your friend being mad because they’re hurt probably because your boss crossed you. It’s fucking messy lmao

I gotta dust off my resume dude fr I gotta go on and get. This did the trick for a minute but it’s very clear how fucked this is. I myself am cool off it. Idk how much longer I’ll be there but I do know I need to make moves ouuutttt.

This is going everywhere. That’s what my mind is doing rn I guess. And you know what’s so weird is like, Raymond is probably so deep in the trenches he doesn’t even think about me lol he probably can’t even remember my face on his own lmao a man

God how sad

How fucking sad to feel any type of way over this. It was, as is the case with most men, truly nothing.

But at the same time I do not want to believe that!

But unfortunately I think it was nothing lol which feels embarrassing.

Idk idk. Kinda wanna disappear for a min and come back hot af and then just like, reject everyone lol but not in a Paloma way… in a healed way. Reject as in it will be easier to detect the bullshit. Am I nuts?

Wish I could just leave my body whenever and go see whatever I’m dreaming at any time.

I gotta start trying to remember my dreams.

Good god where have I taken this lol I’m stoned 😛

I gotta figure this shit out nd get it together. Maybe I do need goals. Fuck.

[hellafuckedup666]

Let me

I get it. Don’t you see? We are the same.

I get it. Trust me when I tell you I understand you more than you know. More than I’ve let on.

I get it. If you just took a second to look at me, really look at me, you would see it too.

I get it. I understand your despair, I understand your denial. I understand your rage, I understand your self-loathing.

I get it. I understand letting your dark side take over, being consumed by it. I understand wanting to let it win you over. I undersand your lack of trust in people and in yourself. I understand why your heart is so closed off to me. I know why you avoid your feelings.

I get it. I know I’ll never be her, I know that anything I say to you won’t be as meaningful as it would be if it was coming from her. I know i can’t give you what you want, I can’t be what you want, I am not what you want. I know you want her, all of her. Her mind, her words, her kindness. I know you do not want to share her.

I get it. I get the blame game you’re playing right now. I want you to know, I understand why you are misplacing your frustration right now. I’ll never hold it against you. I know you wish the things I’m saying to you were coming out of her mouth.

I get it. I feel your pain, your confusion. I know you feel broken, I can actually see the hole she left in your heart when I look in your eyes. I can see they’re not shining as bright.

I get it. You might think I do not see it, but I do. I know I haven’t said much, I know I mostly just observe. Please know, you do not have to say anything. I think I might have to, in fact, I’ll do it for you.

I get it. I’ll be there for you, I want to. I want to because I know what it is like to lose yourself to your feelings. I know what it is like to not be able to laugh it off or push them down anymore. I know what it’s like to explode, implode, feeling like a ticking time bomb. I know what it’s like wishing you could leave your body for a while. I know what it’s like wanting to feel numb. Drinking until you pass out so you can’t feel anything other than the room spinning around you.

I get it. I know what it’s like to hate yourself, honey I hate myself too.

I get it. Please let me help you.

Edit: I really thought about taking this one off my page. Truth is, I don’t relate to the words anymore. I think I might have a savior complexe; just trying to save everyone at the expense of my own happiness.

Weird thing is, I was truly prepared to endure all of his bullshit just to make him feel better. I thought that if I stayed when no one else would have, I’d finally become valuable to his eyes. As you can probably guess, that never happened.

We imploded. Not exploded, there was no screaming, no tears. He quietly ended our friendship and my whole being felt crushed.

My whole being still feels crushed. I’m falling appart, I know I am.

But there is nothing left to say. Nothing is going to make me feel better, except time (I hope). My empathy is going to be the end of me.

In the end, I decided not to take this text down. So many things I wrote throughout the years don’t really mean anything to me anymore, but I like to remember that no matter how bad it was, I got over it. And now I laugh re-reading how fucked up I was over some boys. The amount of words and energy I used to put into it. The point is, it gets better.

I think I was ashamed. For some reason, I feel a lot more vulnerable re-reading this than anything else I wrote. And lord knows, I went DEEP into my feelings many times. I think my ego has trouble handling being rejected so badly by someone I cared so much about.

I do believe there is a lesson though and it’s the main reason why I won’t take it down. Do not give your love to someone who doesn’t deserve it.

And for fuck’s sakes, DO NOT let someone treat you like shit just to make them feel better about their insecurities.

I got it all wrong. He never would have let me help and I was a fool to think he would try to deal with this in an emotionally mature way.

Honestly, I don’t think I ever knew him at all.

[absurdist-void]

i think part of it is the feeling of uncertainty with my ex. he’ll message me and say he misses me and wants to hang out and casually flirts with me. then he’ll joke about getting “friend married” and other kind of commitment jokes.

i’m perfectly fine with being friends but he’s the one who keeps testing the waters when he’s the one who broke up with me.

it’s hurting my heart and kind of annoying me. i don’t want to bring it up because i’m afraid i’m reading too much into it and i’ll make it awkward.

i’m someone who takes a really long time to warm up to people and starting and stopping my heart like that makes my chest feel like it’s going to implode.

i feel like i’m dealing with someone who doesn’t know what he wants and is either testing me because he’s too afraid to commit or having a midlife crisis and feels like time is getting away from him. or maybe someone who is just so careless about what they say and oblivious to how it makes people feel.

i feel like a sometimes person for everyone.

the entire time we dated it was basically me being super empathetic and helping him through his divorce depression and me unloading everything by myself and getting chastised for not being open about my pain. i’m someone who doesn’t want to unload my pain on other people because it’s not going to help them and they can’t do anything to make it better anyway. but i have to take everyone else’s pain because that’s just what people have to do to help. because if you don’t you’re an evil frigid bitch who doesn’t care about anyone.

i’ve been in physical and mental pain since i was a child!!! i’m losing it!!! i quit being human!! everything is too hard!! i want to be evil and not care!!!! i’m going to steal children and live in the woods in a hut made of mud and sticks!!!!!

jesus christ i’m so depressed and agitated this week. it’s making my skin itch. i feel like i’m going to burst out of my chest like a xenomorph.

[lizhly-writes]

AITA WIP Game

hellloo, @likegemstone! i realize it's been a while, but thank you for the tag! i got stuck in a loop 1) trying to figure out how to write an AITA post 2) trying to find an area where my protag would genuinely wonder if he was an asshole, but! here we are!

Rules: Introduce your WIP in the style of a r/AmItheAsshole inquiry.

tagging! @evanescentdawn @inkstaindusk @juruna-yudja @doksangs and uh, anyone else who wants to take this, i guess!

AITA for asking to open up my relationship?

Look.  I know this already sounds bad.  Let me explain.  

I (M24) have been engaged to my fiancée (F25) for years.  Our parents were friends, so they set this up when we were kids.  We pretty much grew up knowing we were going to get married, but I’d say overall, we get along well and I’m happy enough with it.

I don’t think my fiancée is happy enough with it.

Some more background: we have this former classmate (F24), who I’ll call “Mei” for now.  In university, she took up pretty much all of my fiancée’s attention.  There was a lot of drama involved.  Even when my fiancée was with me, she was always talking about Mei.  Not in a good way, necessarily, but I’ve known my fiancée pretty much my entire life.  She wouldn’t be so invested if she wasn’t at least a little interested. 

Anyway, things happened, we graduated, Mei dropped off the radar, my fiancée stopped obsessing, and I’m still making this post, because they ran into each other maybe six months ago and it’s like we never left university, except worse.  Mei’s always attracted drama, but it’s like her capacity for it has levelled up, and it almost always ends up dragging my fiancée in.   

We didn’t set a date, exactly, but we were going to sit down and start wedding planning this year.  It keeps getting pushed off -- she’s always busy, she’s always dealing with some emergency, half the time, those emergencies have to do with Mei -- and at this rate, I just don’t think it’s going to happen.  

I hear her talk about Mei, and it’s always how she’s annoying but she’s so talented and so smart and so pretty and has so much potential, it’s a waste that Mei doesn’t have any backing and it’s a shame to let someone like that rot, and I could go on, but you get the point, right?  

I want to end the engagement, but for certain reasons I don’t want to get into right now, I can’t do it myself.  My fiancée can, but she never would, she’s very filial to our parents, and also, both our families are invested in this for more than just emotional reasons.  But I feel like if I let things go along this way, it’s just going to be very messy.  She’ll end up discontent for no reason she can put her finger on, maybe resenting me as the drama piles up, and then maybe this situation will implode in our faces and the engagement will end anyway, and, I don’t know, I’ll end up in jail possibly.  

I figured I could stop at least some of this by opening up our relationship a little.  She gets the SO she actually wants, and I stop thinking she’s resenting me for being an obstacle in her whirlwind romance.  I don’t think this is the perfect solution -- I’m not even really sure it’s sustainable? -- but it should at least work better than what’s happening so far.      

I tried to bring this up with her last night, and she… took it more poorly than I thought she would.  She got angry and accused me of trying to get rid of her.  She started talking about my apparently low opinion of her sense of duty and honor, and how could I possibly think that of her and how could I possibly think that she’d cheat on me, what kind of person did I think she was, etc.  It was messy.  

I didn’t think I said anything wrong, but I’m not feeling great about it.  She’s never gotten this mad at me before.  I feel like I need to bring this up again and talk it out, but was I being the AH for bringing it up to begin with?

[edenmemes]

skyward sword sentence starters

more to be added !

❝ you promised to meet me before it starts, remember? ❞ ❝ you seem pretty...relaxed about the whole thing. ❞ ❝ is something wrong? what’s the hurry? ❞ ❝ sometimes i just don’t know what’s going on in your head. ❞ ❝ i'm not like you. i fail at everything i try. ❞ ❝ a shrimpy boy like you hardly looks the part of a hero. ❞ ❝ swatting a few monsters will be no trouble for you. ❞ ❝ run and play this time. get in my way again, though, and you’re dead. ❞ ❝ don’t even pretend that was an accident! ❞ ❝ do you doubt these eyes? i look upon your shirt and i see a single thread loose on your sleeve stitching. ❞ ❝ this is no place for one such as you. and yet here you stand. ❞ ❝ i need to vent all this unhealthy anger,     and your agony is such a great stress reliever. ❞ ❝ remember what we discussed. restrain yourself. focus on the task at hand. ❞ ❝ do my words anger you? do my words sting? let them. ❞ ❝ you don’t come by here just to see me, do you? ❞ ❝ what’s wrong? you just made a face like you wanted to say something. ❞ ❝ oh, i get it. you’re trying to weasel out of having to practice. ❞ ❝ i guess it’s not all bad. at least i’m getting paid. ❞ ❝ there’s something i’ve been meaning to talk to you about.... ❞ ❝ would you wake up, straighten up, and grow a backbone already? ❞ ❝ nice try, but you’re not fooling me. ❞ ❝ i...i have to go. i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ folks were always cheering me on like it was a parade. but as you know, time passes. ❞ ❝ you keep some very strange company, friend. ❞ ❝ i don’t know if it’s safe yet...i’m going to stay here awhile longer. ❞ ❝ oh no. you’ve done it now! there’s no escaping this one! ❞ ❝ so, what now? are you going to cry? ❞ ❝ i can’t begin to tell you how sorry i am for pulling you into all of this. ❞ ❝ what is wrong with you? just look at what you’ve done! ❞ ❝ what we’ve seen here today defies explanation. ❞ ❝ you put up more of a fight than i would have thought possible out of such a soft person. ❞ ❝ did you really just draw your sword? foolish. ❞ ❝ should you heed the call of destiny,     i don’t know what dangers you may have to face. ❞ ❝ i can’t help being such a coward...i’m really sorry. ❞ ❝ i fear i spent far too long teasing and toying with you. ❞ ❝ you do your people proud. ❞ ❝ how long do we have to live in constant fear? ❞ ❝ i'll just beat you within an inch of your life! ❞ ❝ dawn is drawing near. it has been a long night for the both of us, hasn’t it? ❞ ❝ you were limp and unconscious. i feared the worst. ❞ ❝ what do you think you’re doing sneaking out with that? ❞ ❝ such a beautiful day, but we’re too busy to enjoy it. some things never change. ❞ ❝ i guess you’ll never learn unless you run into trouble one day. ❞ ❝ look at my face. if that’s your idea of a joke, i’m not laughing. ❞ ❝ you appeared to be relishing that snooze, so i declined to wake you. ❞ ❝ huh? oh, uh, nothing. really, i was, uh...talking to myself. ❞ ❝ you’re looking a little pale... ❞ ❝ i imagine you and i will cross paths again. until then, do not lower your guard. ❞ ❝ you certainly are persistent... ❞ ❝ all that may be well intentioned and true, but it doesn’t mean it’s right. ❞ ❝ i’m prepared to pay the price for what i’ve done. ❞ ❝ i had no idea we were fated to carry such a heavy destiny. ❞ ❝ i need your strength to tip the scales in our favor. ❞ ❝ all this training, and no results! ❞ ❝ all i’ve hears so far is a bunch of babbling about destiny,     but that’s a load of garbage. ❞ ❝ when night draws her tenebrous curtain across the sky, i come here. ❞ ❝ what in the world just happened? did you use some kind of magic? ❞ ❝ please, see it through and prove the legends true. ❞ ❝ i was happy just spending my days hanging around with you. i wanted that feeling to last forever. ❞ ❝ you are vital to a mission of great importance. ❞ ❝ the chances of that happening are just about less than zero. ❞ ❝ i hate to break it to you, but today’s the day i bust up this adorable little fantasyland you’re living in. ❞ ❝ this is a war, and the fate of the land hangs in the balance. ❞ ❝ i know you, and you’re no hero. ❞ ❝ you’re messing with me. say it again, i dare you. ❞ ❝ you float through life with your head in the clouds. ❞ ❝ i don’t do charity for wimps. ❞ ❝ what’s this...? what is it that my eyes behold? ❞ ❝ don’t even think about it! are we clear? ❞ ❝ the point is your work here is done. i got it covered from here. ❞ ❝ my eyes foresee a hazardous, thorny road ahead for you... ❞ ❝ you...this is your fault, you know. ❞ ❝ my heart is bursting with thoughts of you. ❞ ❝ i have a serious dilemma on my mind right now, and you’re distracting me. ❞ ❝ i’ll make you proud. you’ll see! ❞ ❝ feels dangerous. something could jump out at us at any moment. ❞ ❝ we’re talking about a tale that’s been passed down over a lot of years, so i wouldn’t put much stock in it. ❞ ❝ i have the right to experience an unfettered and passionate love, don’t i? ❞ ❝ i’ll tell you, it gives even a big guy like me the creeps. ❞ ❝ oh...how can i get you to notice me? ❞ ❝ i get the feeling nothing i can say will talk you out of it. ❞ ❝ my love for you is wider than the horizon and deeper than the clouds. ❞ ❝ trust my piercing eyes...listen to my pure and innocent voice. ❞ ❝ i feel so excited, so cheerful, so full of life. ❞ ❝ i sense a silent power dwelling somewhere in your frame. ❞ ❝ this turn of events has left me with a strong appetite for bloodshed. ❞ ❝ there’s no doubting it. the gears of fate have begun to turn. ❞ ❝ i'm sorry. i was lost in thought there for a moment. ❞ ❝ don’t men open doors for a lady anymore? how long am i supposed to stand here waiting for a little chivalry? ❞ ❝ i hate even saying this, but i guess you got it all figured out. ❞ ❝ you must not push yourself. you’re still recovering. ❞ ❝ you think you’re pretty suave, don’t you? ❞ ❝ i know you’re in a hurry, so i really appreciate you taking the time to help. ❞ ❝ i saw it, but i was able to escape by the seat of my pants. ❞ ❝ do you have any idea how that made me feel inside? furious! outraged! sick with anger! ❞ ❝ you’re really something else. i could never imagine myself doing what you’re about to do. ❞ ❝ i must aid you in fulfilling the great destiny that is your burden to carry. ❞ ❝ i should have believed you...i’m sorry. ❞ ❝ lately, when i think about you, my head gets all fuzzy, my heart races, i get short of breath, and i feel all dizzy... ❞ ❝ you should know better than that to fret about me. ❞ ❝ thanks for jumping in there to rescue me. ❞ ❝ hey, hold on there! what are you trying to pull all of a sudden? ❞ ❝ your face cries out in earnest wonder, and that cry is: ‘what’s this?!’ ❞ ❝ i promise up front not to murder you. ❞ ❝ you...didn’t hear any of that, did you? there’s no way you heard, right? ❞ ❝ i tell you, all sorts of weird things are going on lately. ❞ ❝ calamitous visions appear before me... ❞ ❝ you...make me so happy...i think i’m going to keel over... ❞ ❝ i wanted you to be the first to see me like this. ❞ ❝ i can’t imagine a more fitting color for you. it’s as though you were born to wear it. ❞ ❝ i bet you can’t even decide what to have for lunch on your own, huh? ❞ ❝ amazing, right? wrong! it is beyond amazing! ❞ ❝ it can’t be easy for you, can it? ❞ ❝ you’ll see in time that you have your own role to play in all this. ❞ ❝ trust in fate to guide your feet. ❞ ❝ i bet you’re here just to check me out, right? ❞ ❝ i just hope nothing has happened. i’m worried sick thinking about it. ❞ ❝ whoa...you’re kind of imploding my mind right now. ❞ ❝ if you wanna live again one day, you should head for home. ❞ ❝ you have a great journey before you, and those clothes...they don’t look up to the task. ❞ ❝ did you manage to get even a wink of sleep last night? ❞ ❝ ever heard of banging your knuckles against the door? it’s called knocking. ❞ ❝ so, uh...yeah. just how long have you been standing there? ❞ ❝ honestly, it’s almost as though you become a completely different person when you worry about me. ❞ ❝ you showing up here must mean we’re connected somehow. like fate. ❞ ❝ sorry to put you through that. i guess i owe you one now. ❞ ❝ to tell you the truth, i’m feeling a little frustrated, and right now i just need someone to vent to. ❞ ❝ what’s with you? leave me alone if you don’t want anything. ❞ ❝ hearing that is such a...huge weight off my mind. ❞ ❝ though your journey will put you in harms way, you must endure. ❞ ❝ i'm just deadweight. what kinda use is that to anyone... ❞ ❝ seriously, what is that thing over there?! ❞ ❝ before i say another word, i feel like i owe you an apology. ❞ ❝ during your long journey, you’ve grown so much. ❞ ❝ from the moment i laid my eyes on you, i could tell you had a gentle and generous heart. ❞ ❝ oh dear...i don’t know what’s come over me all of a sudden... ❞ ❝ you don’t appear to have any serious injuries. for that much we can be grateful. ❞ ❝ i can see into those dopey eyes of yours. ❞ ❝ i can finally smile and laugh again! thank you ever so much. ❞ ❝ i think i might of broke something. ❞ ❝ is that it? i thought it was going to put up more of a fight. ❞ ❝ i thought we were goners this time. sort of glad i was wrong about that. ❞ ❝ what? i don’t seem like my usual self? ❞ ❝ this place needs a name. a name fitting for this rugged, adventurous wilderness. ❞ ❝ what were you thinking? you scared a year off my life! ❞ ❝ care to explain just what you meant by ‘our special moment alone’? ❞ ❝ my advice? work hard and wish with all your heart. ❞ ❝ say, you look all flustered. ❞ ❝ i fear we can’t dwell on our success. ❞ ❝ the world is bursting with undiscovered surprises, isn’t it? ❞ ❝ you're not exactly mr/mrs.perfect either, are you? ❞ ❝ this is easily as scary as i thought it would be. ❞ ❝ i swear this neighborhood’s getting crummier every day. ❞ ❝ you ain’t as dumb as you look. ❞ ❝ i was going to ask if you wanted me to take care of you forever... ❞ ❝ i need to learn how to keep these delirious dreams in check. ❞ ❝ maybe you should forget about everything that happened here tonight. ❞ ❝ can you imagine a more gruesome fate? ❞ ❝ there are more monsters about than before, so be careful. ❞ ❝ human desire is an insatiable, fearsome thing. ❞ ❝ i sense an evil presence on the other side of this door. ❞ ❝ you understand, don’t you? i’m not wrong about this, am i? ❞ ❝ i never wanted to lay eyes on you again. ❞ ❝ i would have gotten discouraged if you hadn’t come by to cheer me on. you gave me motivation. ❞ ❝ who do you think you are, getting involved in my business like that? ❞ ❝ i just wish there was more i could do for you... ❞ ❝ i don’t even understand how you could make such a wild accusation! ❞ ❝ it was at that moment i finally realized. i realized that...i love you. ❞ ❝ make sure you come home every now and then. nothing like a good sleep in your own bed. ❞ ❝ you’d better not keep me waiting. ❞ ❝ make sure you put your heart into it! i won’t stand for anything but your best. ❞ ❝ how could you be swayed by the temptation of material gain?     do you have no honor? ❞ ❝ you really want to hear about all my troubles? that’s kind of you. ❞ ❝ you...weren’t supposed to see that whole spectacle. how embarrassing... ❞ ❝ you have only succeeded in buying us a little more time. ❞ ❝ watch it! that’s no way to talk to someone who just saved your life! ❞ ❝ you look like you need to get something off your chest. ❞ ❝ know that all the questions you have now will be answered in time. ❞ ❝ there is nothing natural about these tremors. ❞ ❝ you might just be the person i need! you seem pretty good with the ladies. ❞ ❝ it’s great to hear you’re so confident in me. ❞ ❝ ideal love is unfettered and passionate. anything less than that can’t really be called love at all. ❞ ❝ you're incessant buzzing around my head like some irksome gadfly when i’m this busy is...making me very disagreeable. ❞ ❝ you may not have noticed, but i’m trying to hide here.     could you please scoot along? ❞ ❝ you'd better keep your eyes to yourself, if you know what i mean. ❞ ❝ have you come to laugh at me in my miserable state? ❞ ❝ you...you came to see me! i’m so happy. ❞ ❝ your job is simple! you make sure none of these monsters lays a claw on me. not...one...claw. ❞ ❝ now is not the time to be picky about who will help you. ❞ ❝ watch carefully while i demonstrate what a real hero looks like. ❞ ❝ you are something else! there is nothing you cannot do. ❞ ❝ if you think about how often we meet, you have to admit that our relationship has gone beyond friendship, you know? ❞ ❝ i’ll make the affair so excruciating, you’ll deafen yourself with the shrill sound of your own screams. ❞ ❝ i was right, then. there is something special about you. ❞ ❝ i should have reprimanded you the last time we met, but instead i was...soft. ❞ ❝ ha-ha! you didn’t see that coming, did you? ❞ ❝ you really are a snake in the grass. ❞ ❝ you are indeed worthy of being called a hero. ❞ ❝ i’m not used to getting stared at like this. it’s making me blush. ❞ ❝ i can’t hide anything from you, can i? ❞ ❝ the longer i train, the more i realize i’ll never measure up to you. ❞ ❝ whoa...you took out every last one of them. ❞ ❝ i know how bad this must look to you right now, but i assure you i mean no harm. ❞ ❝ it’s all very strange, but i doubt there’s much of a connection between these things. ❞ ❝ you're a weird one, climbing all the way up here. ❞ ❝ don’t cry --- it’s perfectly, mostly safe! ❞ ❝ you and i, we’re bound by that thread of fate. destined to fight. ❞ ❝ meet me in battle, and the thread of fate that binds us will be soaked crimson with your blood. ❞ ❝ i do not wish to dwell on what may have happened if you hadn’t been here. ❞ ❝ you have awakened a wrath that will burn for eons! ❞ ❝ you really like those fantasy stories, eh? ❞ ❝ there is one teensy, tiny thing i lack...namely, mercy. ❞ ❝ i must warn you, i won’t go easy on you this time. ❞ ❝ i might be willing to forgive and forget if you’ll strike a deal. ❞ ❝ since i know i can be honest with you, i’ll admit i got a little sulky. it was frowns all around. ❞ ❝ i see you’re still among the living. ❞ ❝ i saw them dragging you off unconscious, so i tailed them. ❞ ❝ i want you to visit me at my house tonight. ❞ ❝ you don’t have to say a word. i can see how you feel by the spark in your eye. ❞ ❝ you’ll see. i’ll be as tough as you in no time. ❞ ❝ it’s not like ‘oh, hey, that person’s back! i’m so happy!’ or anything like that... ❞ ❝ whoa...that’s some really terrible handwriting. ❞ ❝ i would very much like it if you would go out with me. ❞ ❝ truly? you choose me? ❞ ❝ i swear to you, whatever it takes, i will drag you into an eternity of torment. ❞ ❝ you and i, we’re bound by a thread of fate. ❞ ❝ i’ll watch over you, protecting you from afar. ❞ ❝ until then, we’ll keep our love secret. ❞ ❝ this news has just filled my heart with rainbows! ❞ ❝ this place seems strangely familiar... ❞ ❝ don’t you gotta take care of your own business first? ❞ ❝ they’re not going to do anything nice if they catch you. ❞ ❝ it’s not humane to tease someone this bored. ❞ ❝ i’m not some sideshow for you to gawk at. ❞ ❝ it’s weird to say out loud, but that’s just how i feel right now. ❞ ❝ you can’t break me with interrogation. you’ll never make me talk. ❞ ❝ word is there’s a huge treasure hidden in these here ruins... ❞ ❝ what? that’s not weird to say! ❞ ❝ ...i understand your true feelings. better than you know. ❞ ❝ all the fairytales that we heard growing up...they appear all too real. ❞ ❝ do i look sad? no, i’m doing what i want to do! ❞ ❝ i don’t know what came over me! i had no clue i had the talent to make something like this. ❞ ❝ you shouldn’t be out here in the open with no way to defend yourself. ❞ ❝ you do have the tendency to cause trouble for those you ‘help’. ❞ ❝ as far as i’m concerned, i got nothing but time. ❞ ❝ don’t you play coy with me. i know that you know, so why not let me in on the fun? ❞ ❝ so you really think a sob story like that is going to work on me? what a joke. ❞ ❝ i’d take pleasure in punishing you, but i have no time for recreation. ❞ ❝ sorry to leave you on your own, but you look like you can handle it. ❞ ❝ remember --- it’s a secret to everybody. ❞ ❝ it isn’t as action packed as what you’re doing, but maybe this is my destiny. ❞ ❝ don’t you just love the way it smells down here? ❞ ❝ defending the land...it’s my purpose, i think. it’s why i’m here. ❞ ❝ what do i know...you might just surprise me. ❞ ❝ fibber! you’re a fibbity fibber! ❞ ❝ you needn’t even say it. i can tell from the look of sheer astonishment on your face. ❞ ❝ you have had this destiny thrust upon you without warning...    or choice, for that matter. ❞ ❝ don’t do anything heroic and get yourself caught. ❞ ❝ ...you want to tell me but you can’t? ❞ ❝ you know, i really worry about you. it’s a weakness of mine. ❞ ❝ try not to get in the way of my shots, ok? ❞ ❝ i haven’t slept a wink in...ahhh...i don’t even know how long. ❞ ❝ i had my suspicions, but until now i wasn’t sure. ❞ ❝ you seem a good deal stronger than the last time we met. ❞ ❝ i would be remiss if i didn’t let you know of the weight on my heart. ❞ ❝ i have a reputation to protect, you know. ❞ ❝ listen closely. do you hear that? ❞

[thatonecoryosimp]

The Devil's Mercenary Part 9. Technoblade X reader. Love Locked

I'm finally getting the next chapter out, I'll be updating and writing some things today cause I'm not at school, I'm sick. I'm waiting for the meds to kick in right now so it doesn't feel like my head is imploding. This is a Dream chapter, wink wink, nudge nudge.

I've been rly sick the last week or so, and my relationship status is now complicated, so y'know.

Warnings: Smut, Mommy kink, Dom reader, Sub Dream, words like "baby, pet, whore." Beware.

Date: 10/5/2021

Series Masterlist

I was going about my day, as usual, my shoes crunched along the ground as I watched the colored leaves shake in the wind. Fall was such a beautiful season, everything sparkled in such a way, one that could melt the heart of even the most brutal of people.

The crisp air made its way through my hair, I could swear I could see it, dancing in its mysterious way, moving to its own tune.

The birds were heard chirping and I watched as small critters ran along the ground, basking in the sun's warm light.

And while fall was a very beautiful season, it was also very melancholy. It, like everything else, held two sides. While the land and the trees and the animals rejoiced in the cooling temperatures, and they turned to magnificent colors.

The thought arises that even if they are beautiful, they're still going to die. This was the leaves' last blaze of glory, its final bow. Some fell sooner than others, and in a few weeks, the rest would join. Dotting the Earth in their colors for a short time before losing them. Going brown, then to fall into obscurity.

It could almost make me sad to think about, but right now I could still enjoy the wonder the beginning of fall brought.

I felt the timber basket swish in my hand and I looked down to see a songbird, it had landed on the lid of the wooden container and started to peck at the whisker.

A chuckle formed as I stared at the gray and yellow bird.

"Well hello, little guy," I laughed. The bird's eyes met my own and it started to twitter. Its beak barely opening in closing. I grinned as I looked at the small animal.

"Aren't you just a little cutey?"

"Are you talking to a bird?" My eyes shot up and the basket jolted with my body, this had startled the bird causing it to fly off. I huffed as I watched the flurry of gray and yellow fly off.

"What was that for?" I glared at him.

I could see the blond stand up with a laugh, his emerald eyes blazing as he looked at me.

"I'm sorry I scared your little friend away," he walked closer to me with an almost loving smile on his lips, "Maybe we should eat to take your mind off it?" I felt him take the handle from me before putting one of his hands on the small of my back.

I slightly leaned into his side as I let myself react to his touch. My eyes closed again and a breath left my lips. I felt my nose scrunch slightly, this was only a deal, that's all it was. It wasn't anything else. This wasn't cheating, I wasn't even officially dating Wilbur.

I felt bad, I really did, but whenever I looked at him or was around him, I felt so right.

My eyes opened and I looked up at the man that caused my problems.

"I think this should be a good place, hmm?" I lost eye contact with him as I glanced around. The sight of the autumn trees brought a smile to my lips, it was so enchanting. The sun was setting in the distance, still peaking out over the treetops.

"Yeah," I answered breathily, "this is nice."

He sat the basket on the ground and pulled out the blanket stored in there. He unfolded it before ruffling it through the air, I watched it unfurl before it was placed on the slightly bumpy grown.

I sat down first, soon to be joined by the man that called me here.

I was the one to start unloading the food, taking out tasty concoctions Niki and I had made the night before, she hadn't questioned why I had wanted to bake so late, just happily obliged to help me.

As I sat out the last of the food I looked at him with a questioning stare, he was already looking at me, his eyes flickered in the last rays of sunlight, he had a dopey smile on his face.

"Why did you ask me to come here today?" I asked. I could see him slightly falter before picking up one of his favorite treats, it was a double-stuffed chocolate loaf cake, I had baked it for him before, and he constantly begged me for more.

"I wanted to tell you some things, I'm going to be talking to Wilbur tomorrow but I knew you'd want to be caught up." My eyebrows furrowed as I picked up a sandwich.

"Go on."

He smiled at me and took a bite of his cake, "I wanted to offer L'manburg their freedom."

My eyes widened as I looked at him, "What's the catch?"

"That there would be an election, an old friend of mine offered me a proposition. That I give L'manburg their freedom, if he could run for president, all I would have to do is be his endorsement."

I looked at him with widened eyes, if Wilbur agreed, he could win, I know he would win.

"Who's your 'old friend'," I questioned, still slightly skeptical.

"JShlatt."

The name sounded slightly familiar, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I nodded my head, my eyes were unfocused as I looked at him.

Before I could say anything else, he interrupted again, I could see him take a quick inhale of breath, "There's one more thing I would like to run by you." I stared at him, but he was looking at the ground.

A hum fell from my lips as I continued eating my food.

"I would like to temporarily put the killing part of our deal on hold."

That definitely caught my attention, "So we would just be fucking?"

He paused a minute, looking at me, then at the ground, I could see him struggling to find the right wording, "Yeah..."

I could hear his voice trail, there was something else there, but at the moment I didn't feel like pushing.

Other thoughts were swimming through my head at that moment, so many questions that would be left unanswered for the time being.

That would make it cheating, wouldn't it?

I could tell he noticed my hesitancy.

"Hey," he mumbled, scooching closer to me, his hand cupped my jaw as he looked at me.

"How about we take your mind off it?"

I looked at him with slightly glazed eyes, "How?" I saw him smile. The moon started to rise from the other side of the trees, I could see fireflies winding through the trees as I stared at the man in front of me.

He stood up and grabbed something out of his pocket, and as the moon rose I saw lanterns turn on all around me, light illuminated his features as he stared down at me with his hand held out.

I heard music start to play, it was low, almost like a wedding song.

"Would you dance with me?" my hands were placed in his as he pulled me up.

My body was swirled into his body. He held me close, his feet finding a rhythm with the melodies. His smile was sweet, and the way he held me with such purpose made my heart melt.

He twirled us around the open area. My head rested on his chest. My eyes were closed as one of his hands was wrapped around mine. My arm was rung around his neck.

The mood was made better when I accidentally stepped on his foot, both of us started laughing as I kept stumbling.

His body shook as he buried his nose in my hair. The arm around my waist tightened around me.

"You're such a klutz," he mumbled.

It was a jab, yes, but it was soft. He was kidding. I could hear him mumble something else under his breath.

"Hmm?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it, gorgeous."

I felt him press his lips to my forehead as the music slowed to a stop. We stood there for a few seconds. It was peaceful, standing there with him, away from everything. He made me feel loved.

He pulled away and guided me back to the picnic area. I could see a squirrel ruffling through some of the food. A laugh tumbled from my throat as I watched Dream panic.

"My cake!" he bellowed as he ran over. The critter raced off as the large man stumbled over. He looked over the picnic area and whined as he saw the crumbs of his cake. He sat back dejected, head held low.

My heart slightly sputtered as I looked at him, something came over me as I walked over to him. My pointer finger hooked under his chin and I pulled his head up. He looked at me with big puppy dog eyes.

"Do you want me to make you feel better?" with that the mood shifted, it was charged, electric. His eyes widened before he nodded

"Yes, please."

I smiled and bent down and pressed my lips to his. I broke the kiss and sat down on his lap. One arm got thrown around his neck and the other got placed on the middle of his chest.

I connected our lips again with a smile, I felt him whine again as I began to put pressure on his middle, he leaned back on the blanket so now I was straddling his hips.

I once again pulled away, he looked at me with such big eyes as I sat upright completely.

"Please..." I heard him mumble. A smile pulled on my lips.

"In a minute, baby. You'll get what you want."

I pulled my shirt off my body as I looked back at him. His hands went to my bare hips but I pushed them off.

"Not yet pup, mommy's working still."

he nodded and tried to sit still, watching me with hungry eyes, I stood up for s second to take off my pants. I knew he was watching me, and I was going to milk every second.

I pulled off the pants and hooked my thumbs in my underwear. I slowly started pulling them off. I slipped them over my feet and sat back down. I grabbed his hands and brought them to my back.

He unhooked my bra and pulled it off, throwing it to the side. I began to palm him through his pants, a groan tumbled from his lips at the sensation.

It was rather easy to pull them off, just a quick tug and they were down to his thighs. I crawled the rest of the way down his body and took him in my mouth. I felt his hands land in my hair.

"Mommy," he moaned, "oh please, mommy."

My head started to bob faster as I felt him tug at my hair. His thighs clenched a bit and I pulled off him.

I looked up at him as his hands fell from me, he had a look of confusion on his face.

"Don't worry baby, mommy's gonna take care of you."

I quickly placed my entrance over his shaft before sinking down. A loud moan fell from my baby's lips as he grabbed my hips. His head was thrown back as he bit his lips between his teeth.

I gently started to rock back and forth, before starting to slightly bounce. Leaning forward so I was resting on his chest. I could listen to him as so many moans fell from him. His hips sputtered as I started a little faster.

His hair was messed up, his head was thrown back, his face was flushed, and his eyebrows were scrunched up.

"You look like such a little whore." I moaned, watching as my words had an instant reaction. His hips coming up to meet mine.

"Are you mommy's little whore, huh? Huh, prince?"

"Yes-" there was a break where you could just hear his panting and skin slapping together, "Fuck, I'm such a whore for you mommy."

A moan sounded from my lips as I continued to chase both our highs.

"Am I being a good boy, mommy? Please tell me I'm being a good boy," I heard him moan.

"Yes baby, you're being such a good boy," I paused for a moment, my own breath becoming ragged, "Such a good boy for me."

It wasn't long before I felt his thighs clench up again, "Mommy, I need- I need to cum, please."

I nodded, "Cum for me, come on, baby."

My hips sped up slightly, just enough to tip him over the edge, I felt my own high tumble over me as I stopped, I felt him fill me up with warm hot ropes.

Our breathing slowly regulated as we laid there.

"Do you feel better now?" I asked.

"Yes, so much better."

~Jules

~~~~

I got kinda tired towards the end so I'm sorry if it's kinda shitty, I think I should lay down for a bit. Have a nice day lovelys, take care of yourselves, drink water. Love you guys.

[ninacarstairss]

ohhh believe me i packed lots of tissues and i screamed so much!!! it was amazing!!! i still can’t put all these feelings into words. i still can’t even believe it happened. but the post concert depression is hitting so so hard now

nero, i swear, it was mind blowing. harry has this thing for italy, like we all knew that if this tour had to end (yes, if because at some point it seemed to be everlasting) it was gonna be in italy, and he was gonna go with a bang. the show was almost three hours long and he sang all of the songs from his latest album, including one that he only sang once before, and he sang some songs from his other albums that are iconic and so painful and perfect for saying goodbye. and then he sang some one direction songs, he always has one or two on the setlist but on saturday he sang those two songs and then best song ever, which he’d never ever done before and the song had just turned ten years old like two days before. i swear you could hear the moment we realized what song it was because the arena was basically imploding!!! and he talked so much in italian too because he’s been learning it for years and he said goodbye in the perfect way, made us all cry five thousand times in the span of 180 minutes and then brought out a piano at the very end and played a song he’d wrote for us. there was silence for basically the whole 11 minutes he played because i think we were all sobbing. it was really the perfect goodbye

but at the same time i cannot let it go. i’ve lived off news and videos from this tour for three years, it’s so weird to know he’s gonna disappear for a while now. again, he deserves it so much, but it’s weird.

i also spent 130 bucks on merch so now i’m always carrying around a very furry hoodie in 45 degrees weather and a tote bag. it’s my only source of serotonin at the moment

anyways back to everything else, tomorrow the heartstopper trailer drops so i’ll get more serotonin and more nick and charlie 🥹

i’d love to see you just confusing people in italian with that line 😂

yes!!! little matching outfits and a lot of pride flags!!! it would be so perfect!! i can already feel the queer joy!!! :D

oh my god give me all that angst and hurt/comfort!!! i’m a slut for those tropes!!! i’m always here for the pain. i’ll also accept anything else, really 😂 i feel like my rwrb copy needs a break and i need all kinds of fanfictions

ohhh right the big og copy!!! i forgot about that!! i have to get that actually. either that or the british collector edition because i’ve been seeing that around so much lately so now i’m like a kid when they get denied candies. i just need it. also this is gonna be me as soon as my local english bookstores decides to add the movie edition :)))) the fact that you really cradled it to the register is incredibly relatable. i am waiting for the preorders to open internationally for the french collector’s edition because i really, really want that one. and you’ll be able to get so many different editions once you’re on your semester abroad!!! your collection is going to be amazing!!

ugh then this will definitely be a great experience!!! going abroad by yourself is probably the therapy you need to erase the trauma of doing that with your family. worked for me anyway 😂 and really it’s so scary at first, but seeing new places, meeting people and making it on your own, it heals you somehow. i really can’t wait to see you do this whole thing and have the time of your life <3

also this is kind of off topic but i’ve been struggling with self discovery too lately. when i did my semester abroad i found myself, but when i came back i was so lost because this didn’t feel like my place anymore. and lately i have been wanting to leave again, i’ve been playing around with the idea of starting fresh and experimenting a bit and even just the thought of it made me feel a lot better. and last night i was at dinner with some friends and there’s this girl that is into some kind of spiritual magic, i don’t really know how to even explain it, but she can feel and see stuff, and she was reading our hands to show us how it works and she hit that point. she told me i’m very confused but i’m experimenting on a lot of levels and it’s good, it’s helping. i never told her anything about this whole deal so she couldn’t have know, and she told me a lot of other things too that were really on point. i usually don’t even believe in this stuff but it really hit the point, and i don’t know, i think it made me feel a little better. a little more valid, even. because so many people around me say it’s too risky and too late to just start fresh and move away, and that’s always scared me. with so many people saying it, i kind of started believing it

so yeah this was really off topic, sorry, i just felt like i needed to share this :’)

yes absolutely!!! you’re my beloved soulmate bestie, we have to do this, it all sounds way too good to just let it be an idea!!! and yes, you really do need to try the pastas, i’m sure you’d love them!!!

wow. if this is the sentiment now, i guess she must have been really fun at first 😂😂 YESS!! oh i am so glad that you’ll be done with this job!!! you really shouldn’t have to be in a place that drains you so much so i’m so happy it’ll be over once you go abroad!!! and is it?? can i please give you my share of paperwork then? 😂 ok but seriously, we know overthinking is kind of our problem but i hope it’ll be more therapeutic than stressful then

ohh baby 🥺🥺🥺 she is really the cutest

it sounds like a dream. having all that time and a normal sleep schedule. it really sounds like a dream :’( i’m so glad you had a night off though and just chose to relax with a movie. that’s always the best way to recharge

you know, i didn’t even know jaffa cakes existed before rwrb and when i read how obsessed henry was with them i had to run to every store to find them 😂 now i’m obsessed too and they go perfectly with tea. i’m wrapping you in a big hug and giving you a kiss on the forehead <3333

hello nero my beloved soulmate!!!

i have pride stories!!! i went to pride this saturday and it was so much fun i need to tell you all about it!!!

well first of all i really hate that i had to work in the morning because it made me so tired and it was the first weekend of sales so yea, not fun. but anyway, my friend picked me up at 3pm and we got to florence. we had to park pretty far from the meeting point and then take a bus, and it was amazing because we were totally lost looking for that bus and at some point we see a bus full of people with rainbow flags, glitter, signs, flower crowns, rainbow stickers and temporary tattoos and all of that. and we just went in, no questions asked. we just figured we’d follow them out of the bus too 😂 i love our people honestly. we were so colorful

anyway we got to the meeting point and it was deadly hot. i swear there were like 45 degrees. but it was so amazing to be around all of those people dressed in all colors and wearing all sorts of things we’d usually be judged for, it felt so safe. except that there was a religious protestor so we got to give him the finger like the heartstopper cast did :)

also my sister came with me. she’s always so supportive and it meant the world that she came with me. anyway the parade started and there were some amazing floats. there were rainbow families, drag queens, all the lgbtqia+ associations from our territory and we started walking behind this float that had amazing music, so we started dancing and singing and it was so much fun!!! we got to talking with some people, there were some amazing signs that were just perfect and i had to go there and tell them how much i loved them :) it was just so fun, i loved meeting random people and it was just the perfect environment. at night there was also a dj set and a band singing to keep the show going!!

then when we were walking back to the bus stop at night we got the whiplash of not being surrounded by queer people anymore. we got catcalled like fifteen times in the span of three minutes. i kinda wanted to punch everyone because we had such a perfect day and i hated that we had to go back to the real world where people are shit 🥲

but still i got so many amazing memories and now all i want to do is book a flight to london for next year and have you come with me so we can celebrate together and see the heartstopper cast!!!!

also, i got a new tattoo yesterday!! and i actually had red white and royal blue with me to distract me so i almost finished the book again and cried in from of my tattoo artist lol it took me the whole day again and it was so painful but so worth it!!! i got medusa on my leg 😻

also, as to our previous letter i just wanted to say that of course i believed in you!!!! i knew you could do it!! but i can definitely believe you had to close your eyes to open that message 😂 getting grades back is always so stressful!! now manifesting a spot for the exchange 🕯️🕯️🕯️ i really hope you get it!!! it’s an amazing experience, you’d definitely love it!!!

and i’m really glad you found someone who specialises in what you need. it can take a while to find the right therapist but i hope this one works out!!

(i’m also writing down sydney and melbourne for when i’m rich enough to visit 😂 i literally booked a flight for august and my bank account kinda yelled at me to stop spending money i don’t have lol)

anyways i’m really sorry i’ve been away for so long, i had a crazy week between the beginning of seasonal sales, pride and the tattoo appointment. i kinda didn’t have time to do anything 🥲

i’m giving you a hug and some homemade chocolate chip cookies with biscoff cream on top <33

hello cece my beloved soulmate!!!!

oh my god i've been so excited to hear about this!!!

that sucks you had to go to work, boo!!! but at least you were off early enough to still go to pride!!!! and how cool that you got to share the experience of going on the bus with all the queer people!! i bet there was no straight and/or cis people on that bus 😂😂😂 just follow the rainbow!!

hot days are the worst, but pride would have made it so much better. i would not be focused on how sweaty i was or the temperature with the amount of queer joy happening around me! it's so wonderful that in a parade full of people and colour that you were able to feel so incredibly safe, and it would have been such an intimate moment for you! and fuck that religious protestor, i'm so glad you gave him the finger. the heartstopper cast would be so proud of you :')

oh that warms my heart that your sister came!!! that was so nice of her to come with you!! the floats sound amazing, and the singing and dancing!!! i am feeling some of the joy through my screen!! seriously, cece, this sounds like the most incredible time. i want to cry just thinking about you having so much fun with your friend and your sister, celebrating your queerness and talking to new people and singing and dancing like there's no one else around 🥲🥲🥲

the trip home must have been so dull in comparison! and how dare those people catcall you, i hope you gave them the same treatment as that religious protestor because seriously what the fuck.

the only thing that matters now is that you had a safe and wonderful time at pride and you can cherish those memories for the rest of your life! and yes, we must do it!! i will literally stay for an extra month just to go to pride in london with you <3

oh my god yay!!! i bet the medusa tattoo looks so cool! and yes reading rwrb while getting tattooed is properly not your best idea, but i'm already rereading rwrb any chance i get to annotate it fully before the movie so i can't say much 😂

okay, cece, i must let you know, because i said to myself i would let you know as soon as i could. but this morning, i woke up (quite late actually). i checked my watch for my notifications. i see an email waiting for me. i die a little inside realising it is from the exchange team at my university. i run out to grab my phone from where i charge it. i speed past my mum. i unlock my phone. i open my email and click on the newest one. and.... I GOT A SPOT EARLY!!! AT MY FIRST UNIVERSITY TOO!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? i'm still in so much shock and i thank you for your manifesting and belief in me!!! oh my god i have so much to do before then (mostly saving money ngl 😂) but oh my god cece, i'm going to england for exchange!!!!!!

me too!! i just need to find the time to get a referral, so i can go and see them!!

(literally sydney and melbourne are lowkey expensive, but it is totally worth it!! and i would be more than happy to tell you where to go and where to stay! <3)

do not apologise!!! we are all busy! i am literally working the equivalent of a full time job over the next two weeks and i'm also dogsitting over the weekend :') pray for my poor soul.

i'm giving you the biggest hug i hope contains the same warmth as pride and i'm fighting off your customers so you can have a few moments to breathe <3333

[ithehellisbucky]

For You

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Request: “I love you isn’t always enough.”

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Angst to end all angst. PTSD, depression, spiraling, fighting, break up, sad shit.

Author’s Note: I meant for this to be out on Sunday because I wrote it last Monday but I forgot. Anyways this is really sad, but I'm proud of myself because I wrote the ~spoiler alert~ "breaking up to protect the reader" but its the reader doing to breaking up.

~

When it takes a century to find happiness, you thought it would stick.

From the moment that Bucky walked into your life (literally, walked into your bookshop) you knew that you wouldn't leave him behind any time soon.

There was something about him that would float around in your heart forever until you saw him again, and then the process would repeat.

The first 6 months of your relationship was a honeymoon phase. Waking up to him staring at you in adoration every morning. He stayed at your apartment every day. Cuddling in the middle of the night when he had nightmares, holding him when he was scared to touch anything.

Showing him your love in any and every way you could. Making misshapen pancakes together, and him showing you his favorite movies and books from the 30s and 40s. Pure happiness.

But there was something about Bucky that couldn't sit still. He can't live your little happy life knowing that there is someone out there.

It had caused many fights, you never wanted him to go back to crime-fighting, and he wanted to prove himself. And as much as you tried to tell him that he was already a hero, he was persistent that he had to make up for things that the man that used to live in his brain did.

It drove you crazy.

You were laying on the couch reading a book and absent-mindedly watching a mediocre television show you've seen twice before. You hear each of your locks click twice and from the weight of his footsteps and settle back down into comfort.

"Hi, baby." Bucky walks over to you and presses a kiss onto your forehead.

"Hi honey, how was therapy." You ask as he snuggles into your embrace and you put your book down.

"Boring," he exclaims as you stroke his hair.

"Boring is better than bad, I'm proud of you," He smiled at you and pressed a kiss to your collarbone.

Instead of saying the 'I love you' that you wanted to say, you replaced it with: 'I'm proud of you', 'Stay safe', and 'honey' 'baby' 'sweetheart'.

It wasn't what you wanted, but it'd have to do until your love was ready to hear it.

"I'm making pasta, when do you wanna eat?" You exclaim, wrapping your legs around his torso, and realizing that you are fully entangled in a cuddlefest.

"Maybe an hour, I'm never hungry after Dr. Raynor."

You nod and can tell he understood your response.

You hold each other in blissful peace, eat your food, and go to bed. Bucky does things a certain way to sleep. He wraps his body around yours and sleeps closer to the door, so if someone tried to attack he could protect you in an instant. When he can't sleep he goes into the living room and lays down on the floor to watch tv. He's never slept comfortably before, so it's hard to sleep in safety.

Apparently, tonight was one of those nights. You woke up in the middle of the night to an empty bed.

You reach over and notice that the bedsheets are sweaty and his shirt is on the ground near the door. Bucky was fine with his arm around you, it took some time to show him that he's worthy of love- prosthetic included.

You walk towards the door wearing only one of Bucky's shirts and underwear with little flowers all over it.

"Hey Bucky, are you okay..." Your voice trails off when you notice Bucky staring at the tv with hollow eyes and an unrelenting gaze. "Baby what's wrong?" You slowly walk closer to him and place your hand on his shoulder, even though all you want to do is run to him and hold him.

At first, you think that he doesn't notice until he turns around and shows tear-brimmed eyes. "He gave away the shield."

He can't seem to say anything other than that, so you reach over and hold his face to your neck. You help him get up and walk over to your room and your bed, not bother to pick up his bedding or turn off the tv. You lay gently down in bed, and hold him close to you and let him sob into your chest.

The next day Bucky's acting odd, to say the least. But you don't push it, he's been through enough in the past 24 hours. Finding out that the pretty much only constant in your life was in the hands of a stranger isn't something you can take lightly.

He left in the morning and he didn't come back until late at night. When you ask him where he was he shrugged and ate a single-serving pizza in a record three minutes then went straight to bed, leaving you eating leftovers by yourself in the dark. Not exactly the perfect day.

The same happens for the next 2 days, and then the next day he doesn't come home, and all you get is a text that he'll be home back Sunday. That leaves you with paralyzing fear for the days he's gone, and when he comes back to you at 3:30 in the morning he has a black eye and knuckle-shaped bruises all over the parts of his body you can see, which is no small feat considering the super-soldier serum pumping through his veins.

"Where the hell have you been Bucky?" You yell once he's sat down on the couch like nothing ever happened.

"I was doing stuff." He shrugs and clicks on the tv.

You snatch the remote off the table and turn it off. "You can't just disappear for days and act like nothing ever happened!"

He rolls his eyes and gets up, beginning to walk towards the bathroom "Don't walk away from me! You don't get to walk away from this!"

He turns around and glares at you with the gaze that you've seen him use plenty of time at guys who were checking out your ass at bars.

"Why the hell can't I?" He spits out and towers over you.

"Because this is a relationship and you can't walk away whenever you want to and expect everything to be fine!" His anger doesn't intimidate you. "What the fuck did you expect me to do? Bake you cookies and shampoo your hair when you got home?

I'm not your bitch and you're not a liar, so tell me what's going on." You exclaim, hoping that he'll tell you something other than what you know is really going on.

"I was out with Sam."

"Oh my god," you sigh, turning away from him.

"There's this group called the flag smashers, and they're trying to cause a revolution or something," you run your hand through your hair, "and the new Captain America was there, and he's not a good guy, so me and Sam were-"

"No. No Bucky no." He seems slightly taken aback, but what honestly was he thought was going to happen.

"I don't care if you run around beating up bank robbers or making amends for things you didn't do, I do care that you lied to me about something that could've killed you."

"I know it's just-" He says, scratching his head with his metal arm.

"It's just what? That you want to help people? There are plenty of things you can do to help people other than getting beaten up Bucky!"

You take a deep breath and think it through more, "you know what, I'm blowing it out of proportion, you were just trying to help Sam and you were scared, let's just talk to Dr. Raynor and figure something out tomorrow."

You turn to go to bed and notice that Bucky isn't following "what's wrong?"

Bucky takes a deep breath "I'm not seeing Dr. Raynor anymore."

You turn around, angrier at him than you've ever been, "what?"

"John, the new Captain America, wants me to be focused on the mission, and therapy is just a distraction."

You can practically feel anger boiling through your veins. "Do you even hear yourself? You sound crazy. I would be fine if you went on missions or teamed up with Sam, but you can't stop going to therapy Bucky."

"Yes I can; the whole point is that I can make my own decisions. It's my choice." Bucky exclaims, yelling at you louder than you thought he ever would.

"Okay. If you think that making decisions is about ruining your life because you can, go ahead." You look him straight in the eyes, all fear gone. "you can quit therapy and implode all the progress you've made" you take a deep breath "and get out of my house."

Bucky drops all of his anger and steps back in shock and fear. "What?"

"I'm not going to let you ruin your life Bucky. When I met you, you wouldn't even let me see your arm. I've realized, that you are dependent on me, and that's not okay Bucky, because you deserve better than only having one good thing."

You were holding back tears, but in this moment you needed to help Bucky, and the only way to do that was to make sure he would be okay. And he can't do that if you are the only thing in his life. "You had nothing for 70 years Bucky, and now that you have the whole world you can't keep holding on to one person. You lost Steve, and then you were desperate to find something else to hold onto. You need to find yourself Bucky."

"No, no please don't do this. I- I love you." He starts crying and it takes everything in you not to run to him and hold him.

"Love isn't always enough Bucky." You turn around to leave your apartment in the middle of the night, "I love you more than anything, but I can't let you ruin your life. Go back to therapy, Buck, I'll be here. I'll wait. Go live the life you finally have Bucky. I love you."

You walk out your door and the second you close it you start sobbing. You wander out into the street and wonder if you did the right thing.

You hoped and you begged and you pleaded that Bucky would discover the world that he deserved. You wouldn't abandon him, you would make sure he stayed alive, he just needed time to be free. This wasn't for you, you reminded yourself, it's for Bucky.

Always for Bucky.

Requests are open!

Prompt List

~Taglists are open~

Permanent Tags: @natasha-danvers​

Marvel:

[let-it-show]

Safe and Sound

Hello hello! This here little ficlet was written for wonderful @junglekiing who had been looking for writing of their Tiger!Elsa AU that would also be FLUFF.  Here we have Anna and Elsa in a moment to themselves, and Elsa makes it clear how happy she is. ------- Every single day Anna learned something about the friend she had taken home with her from the woods. Hybrids were uncommon in Arendelle, even if a handful were known to live and work in the kingdoms. Those individuals were part of the community and as much as they intrigued Anna, she could never get herself to approach them and ask them a deluge of questions. She had so many! But, well, she also was always teaching herself to squish her excitement aside to avoid being rude, and so she tried to stick to the books so could find about them. The books never prepared her for Elsa.

Since returning to the castle with her and inviting her to stay, Anna's curiosity was constantly through the royal roof. Everything the part human, part tiger woman did was fascinating, even when it shouldn't be. Elsa licking a cut on her hand instead of cleaning it like a normal person? What! That was so strange but she liked it. Elsa helping her wash dishes even with those bizarre part human and part cat hands? She had to take it in!

On a particular day, Elsa had lounged on the library couch in the sun with Anna and closed her eyes.

That in itself wasn't unusual. Elsa was still adjusting from a nocturnal life to time her own schedule with Anna's. She'd been stuck to her side since that day they returned from the woods, and Anna had no complaints there. She was reading one of her favorite stories during some afternoon downtime and Elsa loved to just exist with her. She couldn't read herself, not yet.

Elsa's head was leaned against the back of the couch, the rough pads of her feet - her paws - whatever - against Anna's thigh where there was a split in her green dress. Her tail dangled over the front of the couch and the end of it twitched every now and then. A pillow was held in her arms, both hands digging in as though she were kneading. Elsa was clad in an elegant, sparkly blue dress she'd made herself with her own powers.

Because of course she had powers, weird icy ones. Anna had no idea if that was normal, but it sure was their little secret and drew her to Elsa even more.

Anna sighed with contentment and set her hand on the top of Elsa's foot. "Sleepy thing," she said quietly, smiling.

Then she startled as her words were quickly followed by a soft response. "I'm not asleep. I'm quite awake, thank you."

"O-oh! Sorry! I'm used to you drifting off...this must mean you're making it through the day better, then!" That would be great! Anna had been able to coax Elsa into snuggling with her, something the blonde had been terrified of at first because she didn't want to hurt Anna. When no harm had come, Elsa was eager to curl up with her. Anna wasn't sure what they were, yet, but she knew she wanted to sleep through a whole night being held by her. "You're not tired at all?"

"No," Elsa answered gently. "Just...safe."

Anna blinked and lowered the book she had been reading. She turned to look at Elsa, her eyes still closed. "Safe?"

"Safe," Elsa repeated, then opening one eye to look back at Anna. "We big cats only close our eyes and truly relax when we feel very, very safe."

"But you sleep in the day all the time!" Anna blurted, before covering her mouth with her hand. "I mean, I'm not judging or something-"

Elsa laughed. The sound felt just plain GOOD. It tickled her heart with warmth. "I know. I know. That's where you have to remember I'm not all cat, and I know I need to rest and sleep no matter what. But rarely have I ever allowed myself to relax, like this."

"Oh." Anna lowered her hand from her mouth, feeling a bit silly.

"It feels wonderful," Elsa murmured, and that one eye closed again. "It feels...like the weight of the world has slipped away, and I can simply be."

"I love when I feel like that." Anna didn't feel like that too frequently as she was Queen, but she handled the stress well enough to be able to relax.

For a moment, silence hung in the air. "I have not felt like this is many, many years. I was on my own for a long time when you found me, Anna."

Anna had learned snippets of Elsa's past here and there. She knew she had left her family for some reason, and sometimes caught that she was outcasted. At the same time, she had also picked up hints that-that Elsa herself held some sort of powerful position in her family. In her herd...no, that didn't seem right in her head, did tigers even have herds? What would a group of tigers be called anyway? A stripey surprise?

Her thoughts were distracted when Elsa spoke again. "I never....never thought it could be like this again, either."

"Elsa!" Anna's heart felt like it exploded, or imploded, or whatever. "Why? Did you really think you'd always be alone in the northern forest?" Anna had completely closed her book, Elsa's soft, fuzzy foot gripped in one hand.

"Well...yes."

At that answer, Anna swallowed and made an immediate and very firm decision. "You'll never be alone again! Elsa, I swear, as long as I am alive and Queen, and those two are the same because I think I only stop being Queen when I'm dead, UNLESS- nevermind, I don't know where I'm going - I swear you will always be a part of this castle. Of this family. This...family of you and me and that snowman you made a couple of weeks ago who keeps popping into the kitchen unannounced, which reminds me, the staff who know about you are family-"

Something swatted Anna's ankles. "Anna, Anna hush, I get it." Elsa lightly got her with her tail one more time. "I'm honored you would trust me so much and accept me and I...well...I..." Elsa opened both eyes again, the striking blues rendering Anna speechless. "...Thank you, for everything, for your patience and kindness. I love...I love...being here," Elsa said and as the last two words came out, she seemed to lose a little steam.

Behind a locked door in her mind there was more struggling to come out and even someone as bubbleheaded as Anna could see that. As much as she wanted to draw it all out at once, Anna knew she couldn't force anything. And she wouldn't.

"I love having you here, Elsa. Always felt a little empty before, and now...um...well, it doesn't."

"Hmm. 'It' meaning the castle?" Elsa asked her, releasing her pillow with one hand and reaching toward Anna. The fingers on her other hand dug into the pillow in a hastened rhythm, almost excited.

"Meaning...a lot of things..." The castle, her heart, her life, and time as a whole. Elsa felt like the piece Anna often felt was missing, though the tail was a surprise. The ice was...also a surprise. Anna took Elsa's hand, her cooling fur always kind of blowing her mind.

Elsa pulled slowly, drawing Anna down with her on the roomy couch. The sunlight danced on the cold glitter of her blue dress, making her strange friend even more beautiful than she usually was. That was an amazing task; Elsa was absolutely stunning.

Both women shifted as Anna laid her head on the pillow Elsa held, resting just below her chin. Elsa adjusted briefly to kiss the top of Anna's forehead and Anna felt tingles all over her body. She wanted more, she almost ached for more, wanting to kiss Elsa in honest. She had kissed her on the lips a couple of times and it was chaste, but set off sparks. However Anna was patient.

Elsa's arms wrapped around her and casually started undoing her elegant, regal bun. Anna didn't stop her. She never really like wearing it; it was a little tight. Some viewed her double braids as childish, though.

Elsa thought they were cute and would bat at them.

"I've never felt safer than I do right now," Elsa whispered, and Anna smiled.

"Good. You're safe. And...you'll always be safe. I-I know how to use a sword." Anna immediately felt silly. Why did she say that!?

"And I can use ice. May we never actually have to use our skills in such a way, but I'll always make sure you're safe as well."

Somehow Anna hadn't know how much she needed to hear that. She had no idea until it went right to her heart. She had never really been concerned about being protected and kept safe, but hearing such words from the person she clearly adored, well...

She didn't know what to say. Elsa had that effect. No one else was quite so successful at leaving Anna speechless, but Elsa could do it without any effort. Anna didn't even want to respond and not in a bad way. She felt good. She felt like that need to push words, to comment, to ramble, it was soothed. Not every thought needed to be voiced, and not every moment even needed a thought.

"I'll always keep you safe," Elsa told her again, her fingers stroking her hair, the very tips of her claws like heaven against her scalp.

Anna closed her eyes. Just like Elsa, she felt safer than she ever had before.

[ratsoh-writes]

Here’s a post about everyone’s pet peeves! Enjoy!!

Sans: people who are constantly complaining. It’s the perfect way to quickly get on sans bad side. He doesn’t need that negativity in his life

Papyrus: people who don’t look you in the eye when they talk to you. Are you talking to him or the ground???

Star: baby talking him. He’s almost thirty (in monster years) for crying out loud! He doesn’t mind you calling him cute, but don’t treat him like a toddler

Honey: stopping people mid rant or dismissing someone’s hobbies and interests. Let the man talk you b*tch (honey will actually get pretty mad if someone he was close to did this)(this is how you keep people from enjoying things)

Red: he hates people who order food, take like two bites, and say they’re full but don’t even keep the leftovers. You wasted 5+ bucks for nothing

Edge: burping in public. What are you, a barbarian?

Mal: he hates the sound of babies crying. It really stresses him out

Cash: people who lick/sample food at the store then put it back. That’s not a prank, that’s a bio hazard bro

Oak: getting food and not putting the lid back on. That’s a quick way to make things stale.

Willow: people who gaslight. People are always trying to do that to oak, so willow is good at catching it super quick. If you do that, you’ll lose friend status in an instant

Lord: using all the time in the world to explain something that can reasonably be said in two minutes. Two sentences or less please

Mutt: anyone who is mean to wild animals. Especially the birds. Pigeons are his friends

Wine: he doesn’t like the feeling of burlap and wool. Something about the texture makes his bones crawl

Coffee: seeing anyone chew on their pencil/eraser. It makes him mentally implode.

Charm: oblivious people. I’m trying to flirt with you dammit!

Sugar: he doesn’t drink anything without a straw. It’s weird how much he hates plain cups

Pop: police and ambulance sirens. They scare him in a way that nothing else can

Rythm: clicking a pen over and over and over..

Pluto: licking your fingers before you flip a page on a book. It makes pluto mentally cringe

Jupiter: when he’s in the car, and the dude in front of him doesn’t use his turn signal. He’ll actually start ranting every time he sees it (Jupiter can get a bit of road rage sometimes haha)

Peaches: people who copy his accent or talk slower when they talk to him like they think he can’t understand. It’s an instant piss off for him

Rancher: I’ve said this one before, but his is laziness. He can’t stand just doing nothing. It kills him inside. This also includes seeing other people he cares about being really lazy

Snipe: standing to close to him. Go over there or I’ll move you myself

Bruiser: if you’re bothered about something, then say it. Don’t just stew in silence. He’s not a mind reader!!!

Butch: when he’s waiting to order, and the guy in front of him is taking like 20 years to decide. Butch is not above using his scary aura in this situation

Boss: if your jewelry doesn’t match the outfit. Get out of here you tacky. Actually just things that don’t match in general, or stuff being crooked or asymmetrical

G: if you borrow his stuff, you better fkn return it on time or G will be pissed

Green: keep the toothpaste tube clean. He hates seeing it surrounded by old crusty dried toothpaste. That’s nasty