#manny7

[nicotine-noah]

closed starter for @mannythejaguar

Noah wasn't exactly having the best day. First, while he and some of the other slaves were talking, things started to get heated because that newish angel kept poking his nose where it didn't belong. Noah'd gotten sharp on the whole subject of mattering and deserving, lashing out and telling the asshole to fuck off when he tried to dive into his head or whatever. Considering how rowdy things had been getting, though not exactly physical, Manny had come to break it up only to get all huffy and storm away after peace was restored. He'd glared at Noah before he had, though. The fuck? Noah hadn't been able to go after him right away, though he wanted to, because of needing to get disentangled from that whole thing and then he was pissed and didn't necessarily think he should try to take it up with Manny right then.

Half a day had slipped by and it seemed like every time Noah had headed towards him Manny had just looked steely and not wanted to talk to him. Noah was back from a whatever rental and finally had enough, though his mood wasn't exactly much better than it had been earlier. Whatever, he wanted to have this out and didn't know what the fuck was going on so he marched right over to the guard as soon as he was back in the Undercroft.

"Hey, what crawled up your ass? You've been shootin' me dirty fuckin' looks all day. If you got somethin' to say, say it, don't pull this glaring fuckin' bullshit." Maybe he was coming on too strong but Noah didn't really care. It had been a shit day, he might as well have whatever this fight was going to be too.

[nicotine-noah]

The kiss lasted a long time in spite of staying slow and almost sweet and maybe it didn't have to stop. This was too fucking confusing and it was...upsetting, Noah supposed. Did it have to be? It was just good sex, that's all it could be, so there was no reason to get upset obviously. Except...well, whatever. Noah would try not to even think about it and maybe forget they'd even had this conversation if he could.

Manny finally pulled back and said he had to get back to work. Was that a rejection? Noah set his jaw but nodded, uncurled his hands from Manny's shirt and stepped back. "Yeah...sure. Fine. Just...find me when your shift's over." He tried a smile and kind of succeeded then back up a bit before he finally turned around and walked away. Fuck. This was stupid. Maybe by the time Manny found him he'd be over this whole dumb vulnerable shit and they could just fuck like usual. Noah sure hoped so.

END

Manny's brows furrowed as he returned the next kiss, once again experiencing that disappointed knot in his stomach. Once was a coincidence, twice... not so much as Noah confirmed his suspicion of what the cambion wanted from him. Just sex. That was fine though maybe not now as Manny needed to sort through some shit after being vulnerable.

Their kiss ended when Manny ultimately needed air, the shifter pressing his lips together for a moment. "I should actually get back to work. Maybe we pick this up again later?"

[nicotine-noah]

"Didn't really seem like you wanted me to kiss you, though." The words were quiet. To Noah, that was like saying it without saying it. This whole situation was fucking weird and he wished...he just wished things had stayed like they were and they hadn't talked about it. But then Manny took his face and kissed him gently like that and it seemed like things might be okay. The cambion melted into it a little, clinging to the other man like he was afraid...well, like he was afraid this was all going to stop soon. He let out a breath when the kiss broke and Manny spoke again. "Wasn't it?" Noah glanced up at him, confused. This had him all mixed up, this whole stupid scenario. Sharing feelings was almost always bad. Was that even what they'd done? Noah'd been too honest but he'd come here half expecting to blow this whole thing up because Manny obviously realised he was shit except he was still here...The cambion's head was spinning. "Horny's better. Makes more sense." There was a part of him that wanted to say a bunch of stupid stuff, to tell Manny things, but he couldn't do that. If he did that, when Manny eventually realised he was worthless and got rid of him then Noah would just be an even bigger jumble of broken pieces than he already was. It wasn't worth it. It's not like he had feelings anyway, couldn't afford to. There was no point. He kissed Manny again anyway, but it was slow and soft in spite of what he'd just said, hands curled in Manny's shirt.

Manny's brows knit together in confusion now, uncertain where Noah got that idea from. "I never said I didn't," he replied, his tone just as soft and sincere. His gaze flickered over Noah's features, trying to understand, to find unspoken answers. He pursed his lips together and then gently cupped both sides of Noah's face as he leaned in for a soft, brief kiss in hopes the physical contact would be reassuring. He could do physical still even if it seemed that was all Noah was interested in now that he thought to be on the same page as the cambion. "Course I still want you. Sorry, you kinda just caught me off guard with that after talking and sharing feelings. Not that the sharing feelings was bad..." He smiled sheepishly. "I was not mentally prepared for the transition from vulnerable to horny to be that quick," he chuckled.

[nicotine-noah]

Why had Manny's smile faded like that? Noah noticed, he couldn't help but notice given how close he was. The shifter didn't push him away, even agreed, but there was a hesitation in the kiss that wasn't usually there. If they hadn't just had a whole weird conversation Noah probably would've ignored it but he couldn't seem to. Did all that shit they'd just talked about change things for Manny? Was it all fucked up now anyway because....because Noah had been too honest? Still, he kissed him for a long moment, leaned into him and the fingers in his hair to just enjoy all those different feelings for a long moment. Finally, though, unable to stop worrying about it, he broke the kiss and pulled his head back a little to look at him. "What?" He asked, quieter than he meant to then cleared his throat. "Don't you want me anymore?" Noah tried to make it sound rough, angry, but he didn't really succeed outside of a sort of brittleness to his tone that was still more vulnerable than he wanted. He stayed pressed close even as he waited for the answer. He was so stupid to have talked like he had, it always got fucked up when real emotions came out.

Manny's smile faltered once Noah focused on the main point of their relationship currently –– the sex. It wasn't bad by any means, in fact it was good. Maybe Manny had misread signals that things between them would move past just physical. In the end, that was his own fault. "It has," he mumbled his agreement, not pushing Noah away from him. Though there was just the slightest hesitation from the shifter in returning the kiss before he gave into the feeling, fingers threading through the cambion's hair as he deepened it. Maybe that was Noah's incubus nature drawing him in or maybe it was Manny's own inability to say "no" to things he wanted. His other hand fell on the slave's hip, sighing softly in content against Noah's lips in between the heated exchange.

[nicotine-noah]

Even if he'd looked away Noah could tell that Manny was frowning, that he obviously didn't like it, but at least he left it alone and didn't try to push. Noah would have gotten mad if he did, would have pushed back hard. He hated it when people tried to lie to him about that. Hated when they tore him down, too, and didn't let that happen anymore either but aside from certain compliments, he didn't need people trying to tell him how good or valuable he was or whatever. He wasn't and it was stupid for them to try and say different, not that a lot of people had really tried recently, except for Manny.

Apparently the list he'd given was good enough and even if Noah felt a little weird about it Manny seemed to appreciate that he'd gotten a bit more honest. "Well that goes without sayin'." His own smile widened as he shot the tease back, though it almost faltered again at the comment but Noah powered through. "Can't blame you for that when I look like this." That was it. That, the sex, and being fun to party with. "Speakin' of, seems like it's been a while since you've had your hands on me." Noah moved closer again, stepping into Manny's personal space and hooking his fingers in the guard's belt loops to pull him closer. "We should change that." This was better, a whole lot better than everything else they'd been talking about, familiar territory. Noah was desperate to get back to that. So much so, in fact, that he reached up impulsively to grab Manny's face and leaned forward, kissing him suddenly.

Manny pursed his lips together in a frown, brows knitting together at Noah's dismissal. He detected a note of negative emotions in the other's tone and as much as he wanted to push to change that reaction, he stopped himself; there was obviously something there, perhaps something more than just general insecurity. It wasn't something Manny would be able to fix and certainly not today. He moved on from it, for now.

He smiled small as Noah indeed gave him a list, a grimace crossing his features briefly at the mention of his sin in action. "No, no, that's all very good, thank you," he said, chuckling softly. The cambion's answer wasn't superficial going beyond the physical aspects the two of them seemed so keen on engaging in nearly every time they were around each other. "I'm glad you had more on that list than just 'the sex is absolutely bomb,'" he teased, grinning a little wider. "I like being around you too."

[nicotine-noah]

Noah frowned as Manny kept pushing at it, even if he was doing it gently, and the cambion's jaw clenched, shaking his head again before Manny even finished. "Stop it. Just...it's fine. Just stop." There was a certain strain in Noah's voice, resistance and an undercurrent of anger, but there was a deep sadness in his eyes for a moment before he looked away again. It would be nice if Manny was telling the truth but he wasn't. On the off chance the shifter actually meant what he said, he was still wrong, Noah knew that intimately. It was the one glaring, obvious fact of his life and had been for as long as he could remember. When had this gotten so real? Noah wished it was just sex and fun again, that was a lot easier than all of this. Thankfully, Manny changed the subject with his next question and Noah felt some of his tension ease away and he could look at him again, his eyes more normal and guarded again. "You wanna list?" Noah smiled a little, small, but took a few steps closer. At least this was more familiar territory. "You're hot as hell, obviously. Got that possessive streak that you don't seem to like but it really gets me goin'. You're firm without bein' a shithead about it and don't throw your weight around as a guard. You're...genuine. Nicer'n you've got any right to be and..." I almost feel safe with you "...I like bein' around you." Noah shrugged and looked down, still smiling a little but almost abashed that he'd started to get more honest at the end there. "You want me to keep goin' or what?"

"It's not all just me being nice," Manny said, smiling small. "I mean that. It's... I know my own insecurities and I'm sure I'm not the only one who wound up in this situation who's felt that way at some point or another. Just because you also wound up here you and your life still matter." Again, easier to say than to fix the feelings, which wouldn't happen right away. Not for either of them. But at least they were each acknowledging it, he supposed. This might be the first very real conversation the two of them had that didn't lead to or came out of sex. It was... nice in a way, Manny thought. His smile grew a touch more. "What do you think is so amazing about me?" he asked, genuinely curious.

[nicotine-noah]

"I would, yeah." How could he not? It didn't seem to make sense to Noah that Manny should feel shit about himself when he was a guard, not a slave anymore. He should know better than most that emotional issues couldn't just be cleared up like that but then he tried his best to ignore the fact that he had any. Deep down he knew how broken he was though and enough people had told him that it was pretty well cemented for him. Noah gave the other man a strange look when Manny admitted to that but nodded after a moment. "Yeah, I guess I do. Trust me, though. You're amazing." He tried another small smile that froze instantly when Manny put the compliment back on him. Noah shook his head almost like it was automatic. "You don't have to say that. I know I said it to you and you're bein' nice and returnin' the favour and all but like...it's fine. Don't worry about it." Noah knew well enough what he was and that he was worthless though he inwardly cursed himself. If he protested too much Manny would realise how true it was and then...well. It's not like this would ever last or be real for any length of time anyway. They had fun. The fact that Noah slept in Manny's stolen hoodie every night on his shitty Undercroft cot didn't and couldn't mean anything.

"Mm, you would think," Manny said, smiling small at Noah's compliment. In a way the cambion wasn't wrong. He'd said it before too that Manny had gotten out so in that sense wouldn't it be just as logical that his insecurities would be cured? Maybe not. He'd still been captured and imprisoned here for half a decade of his life, still abandoned by two masters twice, still never could truly taste his freedom without the looming threat of his former master tracking him down again. None of that negated the shit he went through here in Krovs or how it affected him mentally or emotionally in the aftermath. There was a hint of sadness in his smile now. "I appreciate you saying that though there are times where I don't feel so great, y'know what I mean?" He bet Noah did based on how he viewed the slaves, including himself Manny bet. "You should also know that I think you matter too, regardless of what you may or may not think of yourself."

[nicotine-noah]

Manny seemed to regret what he'd said the moment he did, looking down and everything. Did that mean he hadn't really wanted to tell Noah that he'd been a slave? It was too late now if that was the case. It was still hard to wrap his head around, that Manny had at some point been in his position. But like he'd said, Manny was better because he'd gotten out, had a real job now and everything. The same didn't apply to Noah. Of course he genuinely thought that everyone down here probably didn't matter or else they wouldn't be here and he was no exception. There was basically one person outside of this castle that cared about him and she was off living her life which was actually the only thing that really mattered. Whatever happened to Noah didn't and he probably deserved it besides. Part of him tried to ignore the fact that Manny might be on the verge of realising that, realising how much better he was than Noah and not have anything more to do with him.

The silence had let him get so caught up in those thoughts that he was almost surprised at the apology, blinking at it before it fully registered. Noah's little smile didn't fade and he just shrugged. He got it. If he didn't agree with the statement so much himself he'd have probably freaked out the same way in Manny's position. Their eyes met and all the anger just seemed to be gone which was fine except it left Noah in his weird other feelings. Most of the time he liked the anger better, it was easier. "You shouldn't have to struggle with it anymore though, yeah? Shouldn't even be a question for you. You're great." Too good for me. Noah wet his lips and looked away. "I don't blame you for bein' pissed, you had every right if you figured that's what I thought." He stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels then forward again feeling...feeling like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He'd come into the argument figuring it was all going to blow up and now that it hadn't, at least not in the way he'd expected, it seemed weird and unresolved somehow.

The second the words left Manny's mouth his expression went blank, his gaze fell to Noah's feet as the realization hit him. All the pent up anger and agitation and frustration he'd felt today hadn't just come out of nowhere. No, there'd always been a part of himself, a quiet voice in the back of his mind, asking himself the same thing that Noah had said earlier. Did he really matter if he ended up here? Of course he knew that wasn't true; he had family and friends who loved him and cared about him before he got kidnapped. Still, the inquiry haunted him because what else could explain why he, out of over a hundred million people in the United States, millions of people in New Jersey, was selected to become a slave here when he'd had a life to live? He hadn’t done anything to deserve the fate he’d fallen into.

“…I’m sorry,” he finally said after a few moments of silence. He met Noah’s gaze again, all traces of hostility gone. “What you said struck a nerve of something that I’ve been struggling with for a while and I lashed out when I shouldn’t have. I know you weren’t talking about me since, well… I never brought it up.”

[nicotine-noah]

"I didn't!" Noah knew what he'd said and the words 'Manny doesn't matter' had never fucking entered his vocabulary so it was real shit of him to constantly insist that the cambion had said them. At least the shifter was really fighting back now and if they yelled at each other then that was at least better than the passive aggressive crap. Manny was clearly ready to unload and Noah faced it head on. He almost interrupted to agree, because yes he had said that and it was true but the words died with the last sentence and Noah's eyes widened in surprise. "You were a slave?" Noah wasn't yelling anymore, at least not for the moment. He hadn't known that, obviously, but even faced with the knowledge that didn't make his statement apply to Manny since he very obviously mattered. Still, he stuck by the idea that slaves didn't so it was hard to reconcile those things in his head.

He swallowed and shook his head. "I didn't know that but I'd never think that anyway. Not about you. Obviously you matter." Noah still needed to come up with an explanation of how if Manny had been a slave...but that was it. Had been, wasn't anymore. "Look at you. Not a slave anymore, right? There you go." Noah tried a small smile, still reeling a little from the information and trying to apologize, in his own way.

"You did!" Manny finally snapped, properly snapped back at Noah. The line he'd been holding back all day finally uncorked everything he'd bottled down inside since the fight, since he'd heard that phrase that triggered it all. It also came with the logic buried deep down inside that knew Noah hadn't really said what Manny claimed since the cambion didn't know about Manny's history as a slave. Still, it struck a nerve. "You said some shit about how the people brought here as slaves weren't good enough to not get caught by hunters, how they don't fucking matter otherwise they wouldn't up here in the first place. Well I guess that's what you think about me, isn't it? Because that's exactly how I fucking wound up here."

[nicotine-noah]

"It's really fuckin' obviously about me. You're not glarin' daggers at anyone else, are you?" It was crazy making to have Manny try to deny it when it was really very clear that he was mad at Noah about something. That something came out a moment later but it made so little sense that Noah just stared at him for a moment, almost caught off guard. "The fuck are you talking about? I never said that!" He definitely had not and he wouldn't. Of course Manny mattered, what absolute fuckery was he trying to pull there? "Don't just make shit up, tell me what you're really pissed about!"

"Bold of you to assume it's about you," Manny snorted, rolling his eyes at Noah's continued attitude. The assumption was indeed correct as was the cambion's guess to what was bothering the shifter. Fortunately for Noah, Manny needed very little prodding, the aggravation in the form of vomit bubbling up his throat and onto his tongue... "I just think it's funny you don't think that I fucking matter."

[nicotine-noah]

Manny didn't look anymore welcoming this time when Noah stormed over to him than he had all day but the cambion was passed caring about his eye rolls and his glares. If they had to fight, so be it, and if this fucked up whatever was between them (Noah tried hard to just go with it, enjoy it, and really not think about it) then he supposed that would happen but he wasn't about to take all the passive aggressive bullshit anymore.

Of course, that didn't mean Manny was stopping that, given his words. Noah's glare only intensified. "Bullshit it's fuckin' nothing, don't pull that crap. You been pissy at me all day so it clearly does matter. What is it? Something about that fight got you in a mood so just fuckin' come out with it already." Noah was primed for this, pulled taut like a string. It was better to be on the offensive than the defensive, at least that's what he figured, so pushing this hard only made sense to him.

Manny knew he really ought to just let it go. What Noah said to Adrasia only came out in the heat of the moment or some shit; it hadn't been intended as a direct slight towards the shifter.

And yet he couldn't stop his mind from falling into that trap. Anyone who mattered wouldn't be a slave in a sex castle. That one line spiraled into Manny convincing himself that Noah thought he didn't matter, that he somehow deserved to be here. He knew the truth, knew that Noah didn't hear the shifter's history prior to becoming a guard here, yet maybe Manny believed some truth in that statement. It only stung worse hearing them come from the mouth of someone he cared about and thought felt similarly.

He saw Noah coming for him as the cambion floated down the stairs, Manny armed with another scoff, eye roll, disapproving glare combo. That irritation boiled hot in his belly, climbing up his esophagus and into his throat like vomit he fought to suppress. Manny never had been great with conflict, always preferring to avoid it where necessary. Ironic he found himself as a guard where conflict of some variety stemmed pretty much every day. That conflict, however, didn't directly involve him. He stared coldly at Noah, jaw shifting before setting tight. "It's nothing," he said shortly. "Don't worry about it, it doesn't matter."