#manon my bias…

[4kozy]

we’re living in a fantasy ( i feel it when you dance with me )

an | how do u fight writers block?? forcing urself to write and hoping for the best!! spent the last week fighting for my life to write two words and then boom… whatever bad writing u see, i have absolutely nothing to do with it. anyway enjoy ghost romance guys!! ily!! ( not proofread, so if u see mistakes?? no u didn’t!! )

syn | love takes many many forms. and sometimes, manon thinks her love is cruelty and longing wrapped together with a sonically charged bow.

wc | 1.8k

━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━

manon knows loneliness.

she knows it in her room, when she wakes up on the left side of the bed, right side completely empty. in the kitchen, when she reaches high for the dishes and she fixes just one plate for herself only to end up staring at it instead of eating. she knows it all over her apartment, covered in clothes that’ve been sitting in the same spot for three years, in posters and figures left untouched, in love notes laminated and tucked in a book she reads every night.

she knows it in her friends, the pitiful looks they give her when they think she’s not aware. finds it in the softest touches, when they grab her hands–laughing, smiling, and she’s receptive on the surface, reciprocating each gesture thrown her way. yet somehow still, deep in the back of her mind, it feels different.

those palms don’t quite fit the same. don’t feel quite like what she’s used to. the laughter doesn’t sound quite right–forced. fake. unsatisfying. not the one she’s been chasing after for so long.

to her, loneliness isn’t just a feeling.

ironic as it seems, it’s a ghost.

one that is particularly harsh in its haunting.

because if you looked just a bit deeper, peeled back the thin sheet of normalcy that she’d layered over every single crack, you’d see it.

you’d see the deep human-shaped indent on the right side of the bed, still so warm after all this time. you’d see two mugs: one that was lumpy, smeared with the most egregious color combinations known to man, and then the other mug, a glossy emerald green, smooth, and so well-made that nobody could believe manon made it.

see it in the way that she always shifts her hands just slightly when locked with someone else.

hear it in her voice when a name leaves her lips cracked and stained, like a poorly kept secret.

and it closes in on her throat sometimes after a bad dream, it’s grip rapidly tightening until she’s gasping for sips of air during the cold night, sobbing your name, shaking so hard that it sounds like she’s screaming through a box fan.

but now, it’s endless drowning. self-inflicted, of course. anything to distract herself, even if that means diving into the depths of her mind, separating herself from reality long enough to pretend that she’ll be okay with glue, a life-vest, and hopes and dreams.

it’s what she’s been doing for hours tonight at the studio, covering the same piece of choreography, the repetition itself being the only thing holding her together.

absentmindedly performing kick turns, body rolls, floor work. over and over. a ritual that she’s gotten all too good at.

but then a song plays, snapping her out of her trance.

habits by tove lo. your song. the same one that kickstarted a youtube music deepdive, legs intertwined as you showed her music video after music video of songs you listened to during your tweendom.

it makes her head snap up.

and the large mirror brings a sight that causes her jaw to fall open, causing her to suspend her disbelief to fully take in what’s going on.

it’s you, just off to the side, dressed in the same bright orange pokemon shirt and grey sweats you wore when you first met her, stepping ( extremely off time ) to beat of the same song that she immediately dismissed when you came into view.

manon’s mouth falls completely open, body becoming rigid so quick, she’s freezing over.

“you know i love this song! is this my playlist?” you yell over the music. you’re swaying your hips obnoxiously, snapping on the 1&3, singing loud and off-key, and oh so full of life.

“well, aren’t you gonna come show me how it’s done?”

and she knows it’s not real. it’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not real. but god, wouldn’t she be stupid not climb temptation’s stairway when it’s right in front of her? “are you actually here?”

you laugh. “why wouldn’t i be silly?”

before she knows she’s even moving, she finds herself trapping you in her embrace, body heaving.

“hey, no. don’t cry, baby,” you coo, lifting her face in your hands, thumbs wiping away her tears. “i’m here.”

“you’re here,” she parrots dumbly.

“i am. and i really really want you to bust a move with me,” you say with your best puppy eyes and world-winning smile.

manon stares at you with equal parts skepticism and longing, but laces your fingers together anyway. her judgement is probably clouded–this, she knows. but it feels so so satisfying. correct. the kind of thing she’d been chasing for so long.

she then tugs you closer, left foot pressing forward.

“are we really gonna waltz to tove lo?” you ask, confusion leaping onto your features.

she shrugs but doesn’t stop, and you just follow her lead. “it’s her best song.”

then she dances the way she hasn’t for so long. off-step, right along with your uncoordinated ass. and no, it’s not perfect. far from it actually. a rather subpar display of a waltz, if we’re being honest. but lying in all the honesty are soft giggles that erupt from between you two when you moved from the slow 2/4 of miley cyrus, to the embarrassingly fast 4/4 of beyoncé that had you both falling on the floor with voice cracks and cackles.

with her eyes tearing up with of something that manon hadn’t cried in years. joy.

━ ★

“remember when we first met?” you ask, rocking against her gently, wiping your eyes with the back of her hand. “you had that funky ass hat on, and i had this get up? and you thought i looked cute?”

“funky? my hat?!” she gasps in betrayal. “you looked like a dork,” she says, and then she laughs in a way that she hadn’t for a long while. a laugh that was lost in the depths of her grief, now found with your presence.

“i prefer the term sexy nerd. your sexy nerd.”

“all mine,” she mutters, pressing your foreheads together.

you grin like a wolf. “and remember your first live performance, and how I gave you that dumb rose and you cried when it died–ow, jesus��!”

her sneaker is squeezing the life out of your toes, a firm warning of what’s to come if you keep going. “don’t bring up embarrassing memories,” she huffs. “you know i go low as hell.”

“and that’s exactly where you’ll go if you kill my foot like that again, babe,” you tell her, smile strained.

“you’re going with me, baby,” she whispers, lips brushing against yours. and if she imagines hard enough, she can pretend to feel hot air leaving your nose while you breathe.

your lips connect.

and for a moment, it’s warmth, like all the summer nights you spent together, in the same shabby apartment with no ac; all the hot meals you’d whip up on a broken burner, and the blankets you’d cuddle under when it was too cold outside.

and then it’s rot. you taste like rot and regret, dirt and cotton, and she’d gag if she weren’t so insane–frantically twisting her tongue around your mouth, trying to tie the two of you together so that you couldn’t pull apart.

her mouth is greedy, swallowing up every noise you make. the room is spinning. her eyes flutter with tears, and the music slams through her ears like a second heartbeat.

a heartbeat that she’s choosing to pretend is yours, that’s resonating with hers.

and she kisses for infinity.

you push her back, and she’s reeling from the lack of air. “are you crazy?” you grit, grabbing her shoulders, shaking her.

her bleeding heart beats too hard. too fast. too alive. “you said it was forever. that we were,” she says, panic bleeding into her tone.

you pause, trying to find the words. “my love for you is forever,” you state.

the space in between you is heavy. claustrophobic. and yet, you’re too far away for her liking. “and you aren’t?”

the desperation in her voice makes you freeze. “you know this couldn’t be.“

“can we just pretend like it is?“

“no, baby,” you sigh, gazing at her with fondness. “you can last a bit longer….. know you can,“ you graze your fingers over Manon’s eyelids.

“not without you,” she wails, clenching your shirt so fiercely that it might tear. “you’re so fucking sick, knowing that–w-why would you… you can’t...”

she tries to force her eyes open. tries to give you one last look. but she can’t, with your fingers being lead weights on her lashes.

manon knows it’s incoherent babble–senseless pleading with somebody that’s already made their mind–but she can’t shake the hope that if she can just ask enough; show how desperate she is; how far she’s willing to go, that you’ll listen.

“you’ve gone this far, haven’t you?”

“i can’t live without you–i need you here. i need you to stay,” she begs. “stay this time.”

you’re averting your gaze, even though she can’t make eye contact with you. “you know that I can’t.”

“…at least say that you want to. say that you want to be here with me,” manon pleads, fists pounding against your chest with every word. “why can’t you feel me?!”

“all I’ve ever wanted is to be where you are,” you say, voice laden with emotion, clearly ignoring the last part on purpose. “but now I can’t be and you know there’s nothing I can do about that.”

the vague deflection makes her nails dig into her palm until the iron stains your shirt. “yes or no, yn?”

your voice is cold. booming. reverberating on the borderline between this world and somewhere just outside it. “don’t make me do that.”

“why can’t you just say it?” she screams.

“say what?!”

“yes!” her knees buckle beneath her, sending her down to the floor. “why won’t you fucking say it to me–let me look at you–“

“you know why,” you interrupt.

manon shakes, arms clutching her stomach like she’s sick, body racked with sobs and guilt, feeling your stare whilst she’s at your feet with no shot of climbing back up.

“no–“ she manages to choke out. “i don’t fucking know. explain it to me–“

you kneel, pressing a ghost of a kiss to her hair.

“don’t fucking kiss me like you’re leaving–just answer me!”

but nothing exits your lips but a dense sigh, and then the pressure of your gaze disappears.

she shrieks bloody murder.

you left again, just how you did before.

wordlessly.

that’s when she realizes that loneliness wasn’t ever her ghost–no. it was her carefully sculpted walls, meant to keep you out.

you, a cruel cruel joke, and her, the fool on the floor. agony settling in her ribs, making her tremble without restraint, in the same way her laughter would.

and the tears don’t flow.

her tears don’t flow.

they rage. they rush out of her body uncontrollably, the whimpers escaping her now echoing in her ears.

that name leaves her like a prayer. like if she said it just enough, you’d come back. tell her it’s all in her head. that you’re still right there, warm on her right side.

but you never did come back.

and deep down she knows that you never really will.

━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━

[charlvr]

team megan FS, my weirdo loser gf i love her i need her, pls megan endgame 😣🙏🙏🙏 the bonding w her was so cute i need more

loser stuck in a hot girl’s body (#needthat)

[saturn-projector]

bias line ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

[sugarplumfairyyyyy]

My biases vs my bias wreckers from my favorite girl groups!

Biases:

Bias wreckers:

[swagging-back-to]

my katseye bias

[outroindigo]

just watched megans and laras live and megan came out 😭🏳️‍🌈 im so proud of her

[scarlettfevor]

Manon is literally insane, how does someone just look like this?

[edamameiyok]

risk it all (lara raj x reader SMAU)

when katseye first debuts, lara makes a stan twitter account solely to spy on eyekons and interact with them without revealing her identity. you and her have been moots for months, only ever interacting on the tl. on a whim, you decide to do a face reveal for eyekon selca day and lara falls in love immediately. there are only a few problems: you have no idea who she actually is, you’re with a girl who doesn’t deserve you, and to top it all off, you’re a manon bias. she isn’t even your bias wrecker. oh, she knows she’s cooked.

tws: kms/kys jokes. lots of swearing and some suggestive humor so minors pls dni!

tags: smau, crack, fluff, might get angsty! sexual jokes, lots of swearing, future suggestive themes.

feat: katseye, keeho from p1h, ryujin and lia from itzy, winter from aespa + more to come!

pairing: lara raj x gn!reader

status: on going!

notes: this smau is not a REAL portrayal of the people in this fic and are not based on any real-life events. this was made for entertainment purposes. some idols’ ages were changed for the plot. all pics are from pinterest! dividers were made by me in canva pro!

✧.* taglist is open ✧.*

profiles: katseye bible study 1 ojos de gatos 1 2

chapters:

allegedly

katseye selca day

so ur thirsty

HR

my chingu

vanilla w/ buttercream frosting

to be continued...

[imdefinitelystr4ight]

Eyes on Me, Right?

✮ Pairing: Daniela Avanzini x F!reader

✮ Request: Dani getting jealous because fans keep flirting with reader at a fan meet (reader top)

✮ w/c: 526 Words

The room echoes with conversation and cheers, the kind of electric energy that only comes from fan meets.

You and the other girls are seated up in a neat row surrounded with flashing cameras, light sticks and fans holding up signs with your names screaming.

You’ve done a few of these before to know how they go. Big smiles, waves, signing albums, answering almost innocent questions, and sometimes a little harmless flirting.

You glance down the row and see Sophia already laughing with a fan. Megan looking at the cameras and give heart signs to every phone camera. 

And Manon fixing her hair while chatting nicely with a fan. Everything seems normal.

Until it's your turn.

The next fan comes up to you immediately and leans in, eyes wide and voice scratchy from screaming.

“Wow you're even prettier in person, Marry me Y/n.”

The entire line abrupts into laughter. The fans' eyes sparkling with love as they say, “I’m serious! You’re literally my bias, and I know we’ll be a good match.”

You smile politely. “You’ve got really high standards, huh?” 

Before the fan can respond, Dani lets out the softest, and most sarcastic laugh.

“She's taken,” she says smoothly and possessively, not even looking up from the album she’s signing.

The fan blinks, “Oh. By who?”

Now she looks up, right at you.

“Guess.”

You almost choke on your own breath. Your marker slips slightly on the album you're signing.

“Dani..” you mutter, elbowing her under the table, but your face is already heating up.

The fan laughs awkwardly and moves on, flustered and confused by the interaction, but Dani is just sitting there normally like she just didn't claim you in the most casual and dangerous way possible.

“I can't believe you just said that,” you murmur when there's finally a moment of silence between fans.

“I warned you,” she hums, leaning in closer to you. “One more time and I'd do it”

You looked at her, fighting the smile that's creeping up your lips. “Possessive much?”

She grins, eyes glistening “Only when it's you.”

Later, after the events wind down and you and the girls are finally back at the dorms, you drop down onto the couch because of how tired you are from today's events. 

Your legs aching, your voice scratchy from talking, and your heart fluttering from the interaction with Dani and the fan earlier.

She sits down next to you, holding out your water. “Still mad?”

You glance at her sideways. “Mad? I’m just here wondering what would have happened if i had flirted back”

She snorts. “You must wanna die?”

You laugh.

She bumps your shoulder and smiles. “I wasn’t trying to embarrass you. I just… don’t like seeing other people try to act like you’re not already mine.”

You look at her. She’s not teasing anymore. Not fully.

You reach over, lacing your fingers through hers.

“I liked it,” you admit quietly. “Kind of hot.”

Her brows lift. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“…Wanna make them jealous again tomorrow?” she teases, eyes sparkling.

You laugh and lean into her shoulder.

“Only if you’re the one I come home to.”

[alleyangelss]

if I'm gonna write that ever after high x katseye au there's like a lot of problems because do I go for characters that follow their looks?? Or personalities? Or just the fairytale...?

Because um well personality is kinda subjective because they act differently based on the like scenarios you place them in,, makes me kind of want to based on fairytale

Which leads to some weird combos like apple white as sophia...or even darling charming as sophia wait a minute. (Only because apple and darling literally kissed but valid anyway) ORR we can do the more sensible version of putting her as ashlyn ella because damn they're both mother kinda figure and they're kind af...

then we have the debate between Justine dancer and Briar beauty for manon...when I watched the show my bias was briar so it's pretty damn obvious what my choice is going to be here if this was a maphinz fic I'd write sophia as faybelle just so we could have bribelle

Ha. Then for daniela. Oh god. tell me why I kind of want to put her as like faybelle because actually their personalities kind of match and they're both good at dancing...

And I knowww I want one of them to be Lizzie hearts...

Honestly the main roles I'm looking at for reader to fill are the ones that are easiest to write for like uh cupid reader, kitty cheshire reader, or if I go with apple white for sophia, darling charming...cmon @usagimygoatfr help me decide😔😔 here's one of your flowers 🌷

[eyekoninurarea]

hiii, love the new series im obsessed. 🤭😏 i just have questions about SYRE cuz i love her and i want to keep them in my pocket forever (but then ill have to fight dani and shes my bias 😔😔😔) nyways

does she has long hair? short hair? is it curly? does it change after they debut?

tattos? if yes, small ones like manon and megan?

what about family? or did they grow up in the system? single parent? two parents? (i have thoughts about it cuz it will make a very interesting storyline if she did, also she gives mayor only child, so socially awkward and didnt go out much as a kid)

do they speak other languages? if so which one(s)? (i lwk want it to be spanish cuz im carribean n thats my native language hsjajdfk)

what instruments does she play? is she always making sounds for possible songs?

to the scale of "im shutting down" to "if you even have a hint of perceiving me, i will cry" how anxious is she at meeting KATSEYE?

is she a gamer? reader? both?

sorry if they are too many questions, i just love the story so much and i can't believe that that loser is the most normal one in the entire group like wdym your grabing your member by the ankle like a misbehaving toddler n thats a tuesday for u (((((((・・;). she was so stunned i love her, thank you for giving us SYRE

- 🦨 (?

first of all, im totally fangirling that someone is giving my fic this much thought and I adore all the questions so prepare for a long answer because im actually feral for questions like these, so thank you 🦨 anon mgmfkckkdd!!!

I'd like to preface this by saying that the idea of naming the reader "SYRE" is basically because I didn't want to use Y/N unless absolutely necessary ��😭 (the thoughts I'm gonna write are what I imagine when I write this fic)

So for the most part, I try to avoid physical characteristics like hair, skin color, and such. I'd like my readers to be SYRE because SYRE is you and you are SYRE.

For the plot however, you, the reader, is described as masculine so your style, your clothes, the aura you exude is masculine which will become more evident as the chapters go on because if you guys didn't notice, all your members are hyper feminine. HAHAHA 😭. They're all super feminine and they barely have "masculine" presenting clothes, not that clothes have gender but you know. Also due to the fact that your training schedule is borderline abusive actually (I wrote it for comedic effect and to explain what makes SIREN5 different from all other groups), SYRE is going to be described as fit, like athletic type of fit. Between dancing, singing, and working out not to mention playing sports, you're really fucking fit. (daniela is feral) aside from that, I try to limit describing SYRE as much as possible and leave that up to your imagination.

Tattoos are a different story however, I'm sorry for those who don't like tattoos, it's not going to be mentioned often but SYRE does in fact have tattoos. It's mostly references to famous games and other "nerdy" stuff but it's so subtle that those who get it are the only ones who get it. You do in fact have a tattoo of SIREN5's logo (I would draw if I had any artistry). And also you do have a tattoo of your broken compass emblem. I imagine their logo to be a broken oil lamp because their lightstick is quite literally designed to be an oil lamp- but with an LED bulb. I imagine it to be quite funny when the girls are on stage because aside from the fact that instead of the usual lightstick where their fans hold it from the handle below, it's up top instead. They are pretty small though, but the most visible tattoo would be the scissor tattoo on both hands. I will attempt to describe this the best I can, but it's basically etched into the skin in between your pointer fingers and your middle fingers so you can mimic two scissors... scissoring. It's been covered by the staff every day with those skin color putty they use in special effects because they all agree that it's a WILD thing to be tattoed. So the scissors tattoo won't be visible in official sightings but on live is the first time the Sailors (SIREN5 fanbase name) will see your scissor tattoo. (chat am I spoiling too much lol)

I was going to reveal this via an interview but it doesn't hurt the plot for it to be exposed now but the back story for SYRE's family life is that, you have no idea what breed of fish you are (a joke since you're a "siren"), because you were adopted and raised in the Philippines. (I'm Filipino sue me) so even though you spent your WHOLE childhood there, the people around you just knows that something is different about you, and especially being gay in the Philippines, it was a tough thing to really grow there. So the moment you got the chance to go abroad for college, you do. And that's where our story began, with your 3rd year in college, drinking soju in a karaoke bar, belting musicals. I imagine your major to be about music, maybe music production. You're asked in the interview if you'd ever take those tests that show your bloodline and ethnicity and everything but you decline since you feel that it's disrespectful for your parents who raised you. Yes, you're an only child. Your parents were almost always busy with work and were rich so you grew up spoiled but when they gave you the adoption talk, you stopped asking for money too much which made you live quite a frugal life, which greatly disappointed your parents. (they greatly helped during the 4 years of training when your previous label barely had enough to give)

LANGUAGES OH MY GOD. Your native tongue is of course Tagalog, HOWEVER due to having rich parents, it may as well be English. Dual native tongue? Is that a thing 👊😭. And Spanish? Took it in high school, been in love with the language ever since. You're quite fluent in it. (It's an insane turn on for Dani so of course?) (I, the author however, are not the most fluent in it. and I'm insanely distrustful of google translate so if you know a good translation site for it, or if you want to help me yourself, I'd like to incorporate Spanish into this fic in the most respectful way possible.) You also took a French elective in College. Not fluent, but you know some words.

Instruments played are Guitar; both electric and acoustic, Piano, and Bass. (Common instruments learned in the Philippines.)

You don't actually make the sounds for the songs you write, Hana does!!! You mostly write the lyrics with Hana in the room and you just mostly help her and you brainstorm together!! But most rhythms are hers, which is why in the playlist I made in the masterlist, all tunes have almost the same vibes because that's how Hana wants SIREN5 to sound like while the lyrics mostly speak about dangerous, obsessive, possessive love. In this fic, your fans always have your songs in a "dark romance" playlist. And that's basically the theme of SIREN5.

HAHAHAHAHA I WILL SHARE AN EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER 3 THAT WILL ANSWER YOUR QUESTION

“But please pretend none of this happened. Especially not the scratching. Or the counting. Or the internal breakdown. I’d like to start this day over and this time not emotionally detonate in front of my crush, uh… I mean a colleague. Industry peer. Company sister. Fellow idol. Woman I respect very respectfully.”

I imagine SYRE to be a gamer and audiobook enthusiast. Due to your upbringing, you had all the consoles available to mankind and you often listen to audiobooks while gaming. However, I also imagine you to read books but almost never in hardcopy... you're the type to have subscriptions to every known ebook producers and have a specific e-reader gadget. The only "straight" books you have in your library are:

Harry Potter Series

The Entire Universe of Percy Jackson, even the niche side stories.

and Twilight.

The rest?

Gay.

no worries!!! I ADORE the questions, I love talking about the fics that I write. And yes, at the start SYRE is most definitely the most normal one despite being a loser...now? you've been infected and it's Cami's fault. If you have more questions feel free to ask me!!!

[4kozy]

letters to you ( from way up here )

an | short little thing to feed my manz bias idk or more accurately–kozy goes insane over a certain mention of manon writing love letters to romanticize her life and yeah! i love manon, don’t look at me like that… can u tell i like experimenting with my writing style yes or no?

syn | a series of letters to her unrequited love.

wc | 1.9k

━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━

dear yn,

letter number 17 and i really don’t think you’ll get this one from me either.

i just wanted to get things off my chest, and this is the only way i know how to do it.

letter number 17 of telling you how much i like you. or pretending to, at least.

i’m in love with you.

i’m so in love with you that it feels like the world falls behind, and it’s just us. us together, like the kids we were before we came here. and in these dreams of mine, we lock hands, and we lean on each other like we’re all we have left, and we don’t need to speak cause we know each other so well. in another dream, i imagine we’re reading together in a field of wildflowers and old memories. well, i’m reading to you and you’re pretending to listen. and i can’t remember the book for the life of me right now, but i know you’re laying on me, eyes fluttering, fighting to stay awake, until they come to a slow stop.

i’m in love with the way you carry yourself. confident, like you’re sure of everything that’s around you and anything that’s coming to you. i’m in love with the way you treat me–like i’m not a disease to be wary of, or a whispered ghost that curses those who speak my name. no. you act like i exist, like i matter, like you care so much that you get angry at me for not trying.

nobody else does that for me.

nobody else looks out for me the way you do.

the way you hold me when i’m sick, and compliment me when i do well, and make sure i’m okay even when you aren’t, and enjoy the little things with me, even when we’re trying to be these big people that we aren’t.

it’s so stressful having to hide these letters from the other girls. i don’t want them to know and i don’t want you to know.

i don’t want anyone to know–cause manon’s aloof, she’s nonchalant, she doesn’t care as much as everyone else.

but i do care. i care about you.

and that’s the only reason i come now. you’re the only reason.

i want to say that i still want this stupid pipe dream. that i still have that same enthusiasm from when i was first scouted. that this is still a hope of mine, like i don’t want to run away and hide in the deepest corner i can find, like i don’t want to run far far away and watch it all blow over.

but i need to be wherever you are; and if you need to be on that stage, then i will be too.

━ ★

dear yn,

this is 24.

i’ve written 24 times to you, and so far, have gotten nowhere.

i still keep my distance from you ( at least, emotionally. you’re always popping up in places that i’m not sure i want you at ), still hide, and still do all these things that don’t make any sense. i’m coming to the conclusion that i’m extremely scared of you. so scared that i can’t think straight.

i’m scared of ruining your future with my feelings, and of damaging the parts of our relationship that are untouched, and of making things awkward.

i’m mortified.

there’d honestly be nothing more horrifying than handing you this piece of paper and watching your face fall when you read it. watching you look up at me like i’ve just stabbed you, give it back to me, and never speak to me again.

so i think i’ll keep these to myself for now.

━ ★

dear yn,

38.

you’re still talking to sophia, and i don’t get why you would when you didn’t say a word to me today.

when did sophia become your bestfriend? last i checked, you didn’t even like her–always competing to beat each other out. but now you’re giggling with her, and mumbling shit in her ear like we’re middle schoolers at the lunch table playing telephone.

newsflash: we aren’t. we get up at the asscrack of dawn to dance through injuries, barely eat, barely sleep, argue with each other on tv, and make it all look easy. just for a chance to be stars. nothing about this is innocent. nothing about this is normal.

and you’re being normal with her.

i know what i’m feeling is jealousy–i’m not that stupid. i just hate this. i hate when i don’t exist in your world, because every single day, you linger in mine. like vague memories that refuse to leave me.

and you know? that night when you said it? said that you wished that i saw myself like how you saw me? when you grabbed my hand, and begged me to do better or i’d get kicked? slept in the same bed as me, curling into my side? i wanted to say it.

i wanted to tell you everything that i’ve been writing about. it wouldn’t be a love confession. i’m not even sure its love anymore. it’s something gotta be something way worse, and way more intense. it swallows me whole. devours me. in my mind i can’t even think about myself anymore: it’s manonandyn now. not manon and yn, like before.

there’s no seperation, like if i clawed into my skin and let the blood flow, the drops would spell your name. if i parted my skull, you’d see my brain, my thoughts, and they’d all be about you. i don’t think love makes you feel this way.

you showed me how to see in colors i didn’t know existed.

you made me like singing songs that i hated. made me feel better about my singing in general.

you made me feel like waking up in the morning for the chance of catching you in a moment that’s real and raw; not hidden behind fake smiles for a camera.

you made being here a little less… weary on my soul.

and it makes me wonder if i helped you do the same. if i could make you feel the same way.

━ ★

dear yn,

43.

you like sophia don’t you.

i get it. no seriously, i do. i really can’t blame you. she’s charming, a hard worker, optimistic, outgoing, and some other o words i can’t really think of.

she’s everything to you, isn’t she?

you look at her like she is, like you’re unable to process anything outside of her. almost like how i do with you. almost. what you two have isn’t like what we have: we’re linked. beyond all reason and miracles and all fantasy: we’re linked.

i feel like know that we are, at least. because i’ve never felt like this for another person before.

and i know you two hang out a lot more now.

i can’t be jealous.

i don’t want to be.

she made her move first, and i never even tried to.

when you dragged me away during break, asking me how i felt about her, i figured it.

i tried to breathe. tried to put on my best face, and pretend like i couldn’t hear my heart pounds turn into desperate little beats until they completely stopped. tried to go along with things like i usually do.

but i broke three pencils writing this letter.

and when i see her tomorrow, i’m hoping i won’t break her face.

━ ★

dear yn,

51.

i’m sorry for kissing you.

but you kissed back, and you said that you and sophia weren’t together, and you stayed there, with your hands on my collar, in my car, and after that you said nothing else.

so i didn’t say anything.

and i don’t think i needed to, because you looked happy. but i feel empty.

i’d been waiting for forever for it. well if you can say that forever is freshman year, all the way to now, but that’s besides the point.

the point is i woke up, and i never actually kissed you, and you never actually broke up with sophia, and i was just hoping and praying and wishing that you would.

i’m not sure how i’m going to finish out these last couple weeks here, when everyone knows you’re together, and everyone can tell it makes me miserable–but in my mind, when i wrote that i’m following you, i meant it.

i don’t break my promises.

━ ★

dear yn,

65.

i do it all for you.

i didn’t mean to yell, i promise. i meant to stay away from you and her. i meant to keep my mouth shut.

she just had to say something slick, and i just couldn’t help it! that bitch knew what she was doing.

sophia does everything deliberately. she knows more than she lets on, and i know that she knows that i know. maybe more than anyone here.

because for all our differences, we have you in common.

you, who can connect us in ways i’d rather not get into right now, because i’m still extremely pissed off. you, who wounded me when you took her side like a fly to garbage.

you, who tends to kill me slowly, with both our hands wrapped around the knife, and gazing at me with trusting eyes before nicking me, and letting it bleed.

daniela tried to ask me questions, and i didn’t answer anything either.

i know that you’re upset with me, and i know she’s furious with me, but i do know that i’ll have to be the bigger person here, seeing as i’m the oldest.

i think i’ll apologize to her tomorrow.

━ ★

dear yn,

79.

thanks for taking me out today. i’ve been super stressed lately, and it was really refreshing.

i haven’t felt that in a long time.

i’ve always felt dehydrated with you–felt like being in something? with you is the kind of thirst that strikes you while you’re in the middle of the desert. lost and stranded. alone. overheating and on the verge of death.

and then i see an oasis.

today you said you loved me and i wanted to cry. i know it’s not the same way that i say it to you, but i can pretend that it is. i feel like a creep, because in my head that whole time, we were actually on a date.

us talking means more than just a one off conversation that hangs in the air like clouds overcast. it’s everything to me. every word i hang onto and engrave them into my mind so that even if i wanted, i couldn’t let go of them.

us dancing together, like our bodies are puzzle pieces and they fit perfectly.

us holding hands meant more than a friendship–it symbolized our relationship. something that words alone couldn’t explain, even if the nature of it was on a big display for the world to witness.

us, just us: esoteric.

its okay that it explodes quietly underneath the guise of friendship. it’s okay that it’s only for our eyes to hear, and for our ears to see, and hearts to feel.

it’s okay that no one else could understand.

i know that deep down you can feel it.

you can feel it when i purposefully leave my fingers lingering on your skin, because i know that when i pull away, you’ll find yourself returning to your girlfriend in your head, when you should be enthralled with me in the moment.

you can feel it when we lock eyes for too long and there’s the tiniest bit of regret that lurks in those pools of black.

you can feel it when the silence between us starts whispering in our ears, and telling us the truth that we’re too scared to say.

i KNOW you can.

i hope you can.

i wish you could, when i watch you run back to sophia, and she looks at me with pity in her eyes.

the oasis was a hallucination.

i’m still dying of thirst.

━ ★

dear yn,

84.

we’re all debuting together.

you and sophia have to hide what you have! good for me… not so much for you.

i felt bad about you feeling so disappointed, but no longer will i deal with sophia rubbing this in my face…

i’m ready for it.

even though we’ll all be living together, and we’ll have to get along to save face, and i’ll have to hide all my feelings, and all my secrets, and all my tears. even when i’ll have to work towards a dumb fantasy that a stupid part of me hasn’t let go of yet.

even when i can’t let go of you.

i’m ready for it.

━ ★

dear yn,

i don’t know what this number is.

i don’t care either.

i can’t take it anymore.

i don’t want to be your friend–i don’t want to be anything to you anymore. if i can’t be yours then i won’t be anything to you.

i’m going to burn every single one of these stupid things. just like how you burned me.

my heart who screams. who after all the love it gets, still lusts and greeds for more, more, more. my heart who schemes and desires and spirals and rages, like tempest at dawn and typhoons at dusk. my heart who wants and wants, but will never ever get the one thing it can’t have: you.

all these letters will burn up and turn into smoke.

and i will breathe it in, like it’s something that i can’t see, something that’s alive; that flows inside, and upside, and out of me. breathe in all the words on the papers that i’ve written for the past two years, and finally let them blow away.

finally let you blow away.

i’m ready for it.

━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━ ★ ━━━━━━

[selenepsyche]

i was so surprised to see your take on manon on the tarot reading yesterday. surprised mainly because i agree with you 1000% but i very rarely see anyone else with the same opinion after having observed her behavior on dream academy.

it was also weird because i got recommended this yt video yesterday as well which i'll link here: https://youtu.be/razdAfSn-fQ?si=EQNRpzCBw0qlhTea

it's discussing how she's absent from a lot of promotions with the monster high collab and other interviews despite being able to see her there. manon was also absent from their recent performance video too. a lot of people are mad at hybe specifically which i get if you're a fan of her. (i am not of course, so it's bias for sure. just on opposite sides of the spectrum.)

i have always gotten a solo vibe from her so the tarot reading didn't surprise me in the slightest. my main point is this. i will never forget the dream academy trainer saying that if she controlled who debuted, manon is not someone she'd choose simply because of how unreliable she is. she's the opposite of a team player. so while i agree with the girl in the video about kpop idols needing breaks, time off, setting boundaries etc., manon is a very specific case of knowing too much about the idol leading to people like me making assumptions. if that show hadn't come out maybe it'd be different. but i've seen a little too much of her to fully blame hybe. (forever pissed about adela too, right on selene ✊)

(i really think we shouldn't know too much about idols. kpop stans demand, but are not ready for, kpop idols being more real and upfront. i think with most things they should be able to share more and not have to keep up an idol image. but people can't even handle a kpop idol having an opinion or listing their ideal type without taking offense, how are ya'll gonna demand transparency then act like a middle schooler about it? but as with all celebrities, i really don't think fans should be made aware of personal beef. like if no crimes are committed, keep me out of it. it's not between us and the fact that i learn enough to take sides in matters sucks for the idols. especially manon.)

on the topic of astrology and tarot, i know she has a cancer mars which points to really low energy and intense sensitivity. cancers are the crabs and like with that she’ll, they are very protective. i remember katseye gave their rising signs out recently but i can't remember what hers was. gemini maybe? that could place it in 2nd or 1st. 2nd house mars is concerned with stability and being secure in oneself and she does show that in ways i've already mentioned. it's to the detriment of others in her case.

she's also an isfp, an mbti type that is self concerned which was showcased when she was confronted in dream academy. her fi(introverted focus on her own feelings,) instinct was to defend herself and explain her side before listening to the other's pov. i remember her having to be told to listen. self preservation of security in their feelings is huge for that function stack. (intj/esfp/isfp/entj.) fi doms also struggle with seeing opposing points or empathizing with something they haven't gone through so if they feel attacked, expect varying degrees of caged animal responses, trust me, they're not listening.

it's interesting to me that tarot and astrology have predicted the situations surrounding her and to have you mention it at a time where the video appears on my yt. this really isn't meant to hate on her though, it's more of just a breakdown of how i perceive most things that involve katseye regarding manon. feel free to disagree or ignore me especially with the aphrodicci situation taking precedence over everything else, but i thought it'd be fun to engage with someone who has a similar opinion and maybe to discuss some more astro/mbti related things since people get pissed at anyone mentioning the shitty entj queen of racism, doxxing, fat-phobia, etc., aphrodicci. i wish you well selene, and sorry to bombard you with a long post.

with love, that one mbti user ✌️

Omgg this is such a well written post, thank you for all this information! I didn’t know they gave out their rising signs, but since they did I might make a Fama.exe post for Manon or just analyzing her regular birth chart because that’ll be interesting. Mars in Gemini is crazy because negatively, Mars in Gemini people can be inconsistent, callous, shit-talkers, sarcastic, and rude. We’ve already seen the inconsistency and callous behavior with Manon.

But yeah of course you’ve barely seen people with our same opinion about Manon’s behavior because her toxic solo stans and Eyekons would rather ignore it or say that she has changed. But we already know that I call it like it is. This is what happens when you put someone in a group and make them famous simply because of social status and pretty privilege, not because of their talent or passion for music. Not surprised to see this from an American show, including the drama aspects they edited into the show.

I also agree that we shouldn’t know too much about K-pop idols. Companies do a serious job of controlling what they say or do, which can be too controlling and keep serious stuff that could happen under wraps but it keeps them from getting cancelled. That’s why people keep saying to not idolize these people because you don’t know who they truly are. I forgot where, but someone else also said that Katseye having too much freedom would backfire and now it is. Eyekons keep shoving it in people faces that regular idols are probably jealous of them having so much freedom, especially Yoonchae since she’s Korean. But they’re probably laughing or being grateful that they aren’t the ones being controversial and called out right now.

Your information about her MBTI personality is so cool! I don’t know a lot about them. All I know is that I’m an INFP lol. Her ISFP lines up with a lot of her behaviors as you perfectly pointed out. But thank you so much for your love and support, and this amazing post! I truly enjoyed it. ✨

[ey3k0n]

WILD EYEKON ATAGAHAGAGAHAG WHOSE YOUR BIAS ?? mines manon

AHHHH AN EYEKON FOUND MY ACCOUNT?!?!?

MY BIAS' ARE MEGAN & YOONCHAE ♡

MANON CAUGHT MY ATTENTION WHEN THEY DEBUTED THOUGH!!

[manonsmartini]

your name is Manon Martini but where are the Manon fics 💔 im kidding haha i was just surprised to not see them and as a Manon bias it broke my heart 🤧maybe I should just suggest one ?

love your fics and just your whole aesthetic btw :) the Marz fic was everything, you opened my eyes to that ship and I might want more..... You probably already have a lot of requests so I'll try to request something later, when I have a clear idea and something more than just a thought !

Have a good day :)

guilty as charged 😔 but when i said manon and lara get priority pours i mean it! (kind of… depends on the inspiration)

i have a little something sometimes marinating in my drafts which i will be publishing soon… hopefully.

and a manon series is coming soon (i’m already 3 chapters in) ! it will be posted once i’m finished with maniac

[coolwyous]

hiiiii zero i’m the overworked sophia x burnout manon dance team anon (idk what to name myself) :))

i haven’t been too active lately but just catching up with your tumblr and wow the maphinz stans are multiplying in here in real time…. just read your possessive annoying slightly toxic maphinz hc and why is that also so delicious. possessive studnon investigating the origin of the hoodie hehe its making me Think Thoughts. and spidey!megan playing matchmaker!!!

also sophia has been femme-ing it up so much recently….. the gabriela dance cover fs, but also like her two piece from yesterdays live being her casual post work hangout fit??? is so crazy to me. anyway its so fun thinking abt college maphinz in all these little settings. <3333 thanks for all these maphinz crumbs via ur asks…. (and maybe potentially an eventual meal in the future!?)

also what are your fav member x member ships for the kats? i’m obv maphinz biased, but probs also a meizini truther. but megan/lara for member x reader.

- pls name me

HI ANGEL im ngl i've been selfishly holding onto ur other ask bc i did see a lot of potential w it....... hope that's ok for me to be a lil possessive for the time being while i crank something out for it ❤️‍🔥 MIGHT BE A WHILE THO but the urge is def there! crumbs for now give me a while and you'll prob see it on ao3 first but i'll be sure to alert here when the full meal is done cooking <3

possessive studnon may deserve her own tag 🥀 i was debating making a masterlist of all my kats hc's tags to keep the au's organized..... always happy to talk abt maphinz tbh especially since you put them so clearly and painfully in my head! unfortunately have not been normal about them since ❤️

i am first and foremost a meizinist (literally saved the username 🙂‍↕️) so be aware that the moment they get brought up i see nothing else <3 maphinz has recently held steady in second place. i don't exactly identify as a megara stan per se but some anons cook in my inbox so damn hard that i just eat it up and start writing hc's for them and have a blast doing so!! when i was a sophia bias i had a brief sodani phase but i have since moved on 💔

and if you accept it, i'd love to give you an explanation for an anon name suggestion... i was making a playlist for maphinz thoughts and stumbled upon hell n back by bakar and summer walker once again and it just SCREAMED maphinz in every possible au.... toxic studnon maphinz, college au! maphinz, spidey!meg verse maphinz, literally the universally applicable maphinz song in my head esp summer's verse..... so some variation of "hell n back anon?" or u can also tell me it's absolute buns and i will totally understand! just wanted something more original than maphinz anon but i also get if the simplicity of that feels more appealing. it's literally ur name so lmk!!! <333