#me: this thing shouldnt work the way it should
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"shipping saiki is aphobic because he's aroace!"
stares at you with my demiromantic asexual in a committed relationship eyes then looks at the camera like im in the office
#good thing those folks have yet to find their way into my inbox or id be at risk of embarrassing myself lol#if you wanna see more of the content you prefer...make it yourself :3 MAKE IT YOUR FUCKING SELF lol#youre so attached to the idea youll complain about it but you refuse to do anything about it even create works that you and others will sur#ly enjoy how does this even make sense#sorry for reviving this from the dead when it blessfully hasnt been a thing in the tag for a hot moment but im still irritated hahahah#seriously you know what that screams to me? virtue signalling. you wont do anything except say a few words every now and again like#the motivation starts and ends at appealing to the popular opinion. earn your brownie points. and do nothing.#what is your care made of? thoughts and prayers?#every time ive asked one of these people why they dont make the content themselves the response has been 'i shouldnt have to lol'#you shouldnt have to bully people either with your aphobic BS but look at you! aw~#yall dont wanna commit to shit you just want to tell other people how they should exist.#if you cant create for whatever reason you better be ready and willing to drop your rec list and fave artists. and i sure as shit hope your#complimenting them thoroughly.
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#is it so strange to like nuance and complication? i feel like in the last year ive realized im much more contrary that i thought#but i just feel like nuance is a good thing. ideas can be black or white on specific points. is blank bad? yes. next question. but issues#are often more complicated than that. are groups of people out there in the world doing bad things? yes and you shouldnt let them get away#with it but painting them as evil and inhuman is unhelpful if you want to solve social problems. people dont just behave#badly for no reason. and its not even just social issues. science is complicated. almost everything is more complicated that u would expect.#especially when ur working with whole systems. is that frustrating if ur trying to make a point or solve a problem? yes. but i thats what#makes it interesting. if the solutions were simple it wouldnt be as fun. maybe im alone in that. ive had that argument before. or in the#media i consume. the most complelling stories to me are the ones that r imperfect or fundamentally flawed. it makes them much more#interesting to talk about than something thats just good on all fronts. or in the fics i read. i dont want empty fluff where everyone's#happy. i want it to b fucked up and messy. its more interesting that way. media is more interesting when it gives me complicated feelings#does it make me sad that bad things happen to good ppl? yes but the world is certainly more interesting bc that is the case. its just#strange to watch ppl struggle with nuance as a concept. the internet is not a place of nuance. so its fun when u see someone who is#interested in having difficult and at times contentious conversations and has a willingness to admit when they make mistakes. and#its frustrating to watch internet dip shits attack them and try to hold them forever to misspeaks or uninformed statments that they condemn#after they inform themselves. and seeing it happen at a mass scale is like genuinely disorienting to me#as an outside observer. i cant imagine what its like to b at the center of it. but thats just how the internet is. full of freak behavior#that would b considered deranged if it happened in person face to face. Anyway. maybe im wrong but i think u should listen when ppl r upset#and not tell them theyre delusional when even if u disagree with their position u can see how they came to have that perspective#unrelated
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well that's just a lie
#ash plays bg3#bg3#gale#gale dekarios#personal#look. im used to the way he looks now. im cool with it. but she shouldnt be!#this was an interesting conversation tho. i know ive been leaning into him following his own ambitions but--#the dialogue options along those lines are becoming a lot more direct in a way that doesnt quite fit with how im playing#the gale that im playing isnt going around pronouncing that he's gonna take over the world (because that's not what he's actually planning)#so im not completely sure how to play this. i saved before so i can go through it a few times to work out what i want to say#(ftr i have no qualms at all about reloading in this game. i dont feel bad in the slightest. im playing this game for fun)#ultimately i dont think it matters too much what i say here unless i choose some really extreme options. which isnt my plan anyway#but it's important to me. im enjoying the roleplay aspect#it's also pretty funny that ive only had one long rest since the one where i fucked the emperor. i should be able to tell her that lmao#like hey yeah a lot's happened since we last spoke#but anyway if you say you're gonna take the crown yourself she says 'if it doesnt crush you i will' which is fun#gonna stick with the 'im not sure' option. and all my companions are saying such nice things to me about it :')#except wyll and jaheira. come on guys#and lae'zel but that's because she's been kidnapped so. rip. should probably make that a priority but i like progressing main quests LAST
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Working on my javascript for my web page. Turns out I have the perfect kind of setup to accomplish some of the project requirements, specifically with even handlers and user interactions
My website, conceptually, will load a different employee details page depending on what employee name is clicked on. But I need to load it dynamically (instead of hard-coding it) so that the user can add or delete employees & it'll be able to still load the relevant shit.
So! Only one employee details page, but depending on how it's loaded, it'll load a different employee's information. Still working on getting down Exactly how to do it (I'm thinking using URL parameters that'll read a different object depending on what ID is used)
It's entirely doable. In fact, it's probably extremely common to do in web pages. No one wants to hard-code information for every new object. Of course not. And thus the usefulness of dynamic javascript stuff.
I can do this. I can very much do this.
#speculation nation#i wasnt very good when i got home and i read fanfic for a while#then took a nap. and now im up again and Getting To Work.#i dont have to have this 100% perfect for final submission just yet. bc final submission isnt today.#but i need to have my final presentation over my thing done by noon (11 hours from now)#and im presenting TODAY. and part of that will be giving a live demo of my project website#so. i need to have all of the core functionality of my website down at the Very Least#might not be perfect yet. but by god if im gonna show up to my presentation with my website not working.#i need to have the employee list lead to employee details with personalized information displayed per employee#i need to create an add employee field that will Actually add an employee. using a form.#and that employee will need to show up on the list and have a new id and everything. the works.#need to set it up so that employees can be deleted. shouldnt be too much extra.#and it would be . interesting. to give an actual 'login' pop-up when someone clicks on the login button#with some kind of basic info as the login parameters. this cant be that hard to code.#the project requirements are: implement 5 distinct user interactions using javascript. at least 3 different eventhandlers#at least 5 different elements with which interaction will trigger an event handler. page modification & addition of new elements to pages#3 different ways of selecting elements. one selection returning collection of html elements with customized operations on each...#hm. customized operations on each... the example given is a todo list with different styles based on if an item is overdue or not#i wonder if my personalized detail page loading would count for this... i also have some extra info displayed for each#but i specifically want the employees to be displayed in the list uniformly. that's kinda like. The Thing.#actually im poking around on my web pages i made previously and i do quite enjoy what i set up before.#need to modify the CSS for the statistics page and employee details to make it in line with what i actually wanted for it#maybe put a background behind the footer text... i tried it before & it was iffy in how it displayed...#but it looks weird when it overlaps with a page's content. idk that's just me being particular again.#theres also data interchange as a requirement. but that should be easy if i set an initial employee list as a json file#good god im going to have to think of so much extra bullshit for these 10 made up employees#wah. this is going to be a lot of work. but. im going to do it. i just wont get very much sleep tonight.#that's ok tho. ive presented under worse conditions (cough my all nighter when i read 3gun vol 10 and cried my eyes out)#and this is going to be the last night like this of my schooling career. the very last one.#just gotta stay strong for one more night 💪💪💪
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#dont mind me just screaming into the void#im so frustrated with myself and the art I currently create vs what I WANT to create#i fight with my style constantly in hating it so much but I dont even know how to go about changing it for the better#then I stop myself from changing anything because what if its no longer recognizable?? I dont like how is and and it different#but whats the point if nobody can clock that its *your* art?#and I know it shouldnt fucking matter what other people think and that what you draw should be for you- BUT IT DOES MATTER#because its so discouraging when you put in so much work and effort but its not something people know so all you get is a small thumbs up#'waa waa if youre so upset then make change and dont care what others think'#i want to i want to i want to#but the fact that I cant create what *I* want when its for me anyway makes me want to shred my sketchbooks and never draw again#but literally who cares#i care#way too much#something something I want to create worlds and amazing things but I dont know how to get out of my own way and open that door#im frustrated with myself dont mind literally any of this#delete later
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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#ok. this is the fucking bullshit thing abt grad school. u go to fucking grad school bc u r a fucking tryhard nerd freak#who is either naturally very smart or ur so fucking anxious u r incapable of allowing urself to get a bad grad#and then u go to fucking grad school and everyone's like: man fuck ur classes. if youre getting streight As then u aren't focusing on ur#research. and theyre right. but u still cant fucking let go of the idea that if u get a bad grad the world is gonna fucking end and u r a#bad person. u didnt try hard enough. all this to say i have a final project that i put way too much energy into and not even in a good way#i would just open the document. start sobbing. and then close it and spiral abt how i didn't want to work on it. so its bullshit#i mean. its a good project idea ans i probably sound like i kno wtf im talking abt bc i do. i worked on that topic for 4 years but like#i could make it wayyyyy better. its bullshit. i didnt even number the citations to give more page space. i made section headers. i didnt#wrap text. i could add like 4 more lines of text if i wanted but i think im not gotta bc fuck it. ugh. i dont even. i fucking avoide#stochastic stuff altogether which i kno im gonna have to fight abt but like fuck it who cares abt randomness. i just wanna focus on the#predictably aspect of community composition. fuck u. i shouldnt have picked this topic. i mean. i had to bc its like the one microbe thing#i could do but its also like the exact topic that makes me wanna rip my hair out and start screaming. like jesus christ who tf cares? ugh.#i think id give myself a B if it was an undergrad class. but the standard is higher in an all grad class. ugh. i hate this. i should just#send it abd be done. i dont even kno when its due tomorrow. before class i guess. idk i felt like garbage today. fucking vertigo bby. i feel#ok now tho. so maybe the allergic reacting is over???? fingers r still arthritisy tho. jesus. im falling apart#ive got a pretty good sounding excuse for being lazy tho: owo i had an allergic reaction to my antidepressants 🥳 but nah no excuses we run#this body into the ground. like the good old days.#unrelated
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GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
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Borrow - Mao Buyi (借 - 毛不易) Translation
Finally figured out how to tackle this song I've been obsessed with for years. Enjoy!
借
Borrow
借一盏午夜街头 昏黄灯光
A streetlamp, casting hazy yellow light at midnight
照亮那坎坷路上人影一双
To illuminate the pair of silhouettes on the uneven pavement
借一寸三九天里 冽冽暖阳
An inch of frozen sunlight from the dead of winter
融这茫茫人间刺骨凉
To melt the frigid cold of this endless world
借一泓古老河水 九曲回肠
A scoop of water from an ancient, twisting river
带着那摇晃烛火 漂往远方
To take that swaying candlelight drifting far away
借一段往日旋律 婉转悠扬
A stanza of an old song, gentle and melodious
把这不能说的轻轻唱
To quietly sing this which cannot be said
被这风吹散的人说他爱得不深
Those blown apart by these winds will say that they never loved deeply
被这雨淋湿的人说他不会冷
Those caught in this rain will say that they will not be cold
无边夜色到底还要蒙住多少人
How many more people will be enveloped by this endless night?
它写进眼里 他不敢承认
It lingers in the mind, yet he dare not admit
借一抹临别黄昏悠悠斜阳
A glimpse the setting sun in the moment of farewell
为这漫漫余生添一道光
To add some light to the rest of this life
借一句刻骨铭心来日方长
A simple 'we have plenty of time' etched into the soul
倘若不得不天各一方
To prepare for the chance of forced separation
被这风吹散的人说他爱得不深
Those blown apart by these winds will say that they never loved deeply
被这雨淋湿的人说他不会冷
Those caught in this rain will say that they will not be cold
无边夜色到底还要蒙住多少人
How many more people will be enveloped by this endless night?
它写进眼里 他不敢承认
It lingers in the mind, yet he dare not admit
可是啊
And yet
总有那风吹不散的认真
There is a sincerity that cannot be blown apart by this wind
总有大雨也不能抹去的泪痕
There are tears that cannot be washed away by this rain
有一天太阳会升起在某个清晨
Some day, on some morning, the sun will rise
一道彩虹 两个人
Under a rainbow, two people will stand
借一方乐土让他容身
An acre of land for him to call home
借他平凡一生
An ordinary life for him to live
#cpop#cpop translations#chinese langblr#mandarin langblr#mao buyi#translations i made#im fully cheating btw bc you're supposed to insert the word borrow before each 'a (noun)'#at least thats how the original lyrics are written#but like... bc chinese just kinda lets you omit the subject of sentences but you cant really do that in english#so this was the only way ive figured out to make the lines work while still maintaining the air of#almost.. detachment? distance? i just really didnt want to insert a pronoun there basically#im just hoping people get the hint from the title pretty much#its pronouns and verb tense thats the two things english has in spades but chinese just *doesnt*#theres just a lot of educated guessing involved in translation i guess but i always feel like im assuming something i shouldnt#this is one of those songs that make me think 'im a translator not a poet but i feel like i should be'#bc this song? this is poetry#considered putting the video of the performance of this song on singer at the top of the post but#tbh i dont really like how they did it there#its too... grand. too large#this is not a Large song#this is a song that's supposed to quietly sit at the back of your brain and Haunt you for ages (a lot of mby songs are like that)#Spotify
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It feels undeserving 👍
#once again thinking if i should like. not tell anyone#not tell anyone when the festival will be held nor my thesis defense#dont tell anyone absolutely anyone so no one can come see me#whyshould i make people waste time on seeing probably one of the worst things i have worked on#i feel. judged everyday. nothing is as good as it should be#this does not feel like a feat but rather a terrible shame#who cares about my degree i always feel like im being shamed when someone broughts up the fact im working on my thesis#i like what i study. dont get me wrong. and i dont think this in general. this is a me only issue and iknow that#and i know everyone would get upset with me#not like my mind cares haha the thoughts wont stop even if i try to be rational#i feel like such a terrible burden just asking for help. i feel like everyones thinking what a disappointment i am#i shouldnt need help. i should be doing this alone. and it should be way better than the garbage im making#last class the professors asked me 'why did u rate yourself so low? your work is fine'#i didnt even pick the low option i wanted. i picked a higher one to be generous with myself. i wish i had picked a 1. thats what i deserved#even if they say it looks good or that they r excited to see what i make. it all sounds like lies in my head#no one showing up is what i deserve. i shouldnt ask for help. i shouldnt celebrate anything#i wish people would yell at me and tell me what a fuck up i am#'the people that love you would be excited to help you if you would actually let them'#it all feels like a set up for showing what an idiot i am#haunted.txt
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phone won't register sim cards anymore. fuck my life ig
#its not a huge problem technically bc i hardly ever use my data and stuff#but like. messages is the only way my boss communicates with me and sometimes i do need net even if i dont have wifi#so like. thats A Problem#and i REALLY dont wanna replace my phone#like i have a fairphone specifically shouldnt there be a fix or sumn without replacing the entire thing#like ive had it for 3-4 yrs. idk if thats a lot for a phone but. it should bloody well hold out longer#also bc no money#a biscuit's rambles#trying my way through a bunch of possible fixes rn. maybe itll work. lol
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Kfkdks
#messages from knave#im making breakfast and im gonna list my observations from three years of weird living situations#younger siblings of big age gaps will see most interactions as a form of soft combat until trained out of it#but when actual clmbat happens they're used to not having any sway so they don't actually know how to act in arguments#siblings with codependent relationships have their own internal langauge that they apply to others. not sure if they realize they do it#but they'll hold you to the same rules they've mentally created for each other without explaining them#siblings of ALL stripes will approach situations with a set idea of how communication works. and even if it's not a logical way to communica#they'll expect you to also communicate in that way. and if you can't or refuse they'll shut down and communication stalls completely because#they can't fathom doing it any other way except the way they and their siblings socialized each other to do it#siblings with adversarial relationships don't take outside advice and will take attempts to give advice as manipulative. not their fault#oldest siblings are the most conflict averse people on the planet. oldest sinlings say#'is anyone gonna balloon this situation out of proportion by avoiding it for as long as possible' and not wait for an answer#siblings who were regularly appointed as hall monitors will see any interaction with you as transactional#a hallmark of a dysfunctional sibljng relationship is someone who thinks telling you NO is worse than going through a situation they do not#wanna be in. and then they'll complain about it endlessly#and then they'll be like 'i don't want favours from my parents because they'll hold it over me' and never make the connection on their own#people cannot anticipate your needs with their minds. they are sometimes going to ask you to be a part of things you don't wanna#you're NEVER gonna be able to live in a world where people will stop asking you to be a part of things that's not feasible#had one say once 'people should just know not to ask me along for plans I can't get to people should know not to invite me'#and you know dude that's just now how stuff works. there's a difference between 'x cant drive so they can't help me move my dresser' and#'i know xs work schedule so i shouldnt infomr them of group plansnon the off chance they could make it so they don't feel left out'#people with hyper competitive siblings can't fathom that other people won't know how to do stuff. i don't just mean athletes but siblings#with that scarcity mindsetnin general like they can't handle people not having the same knowledge base they have. it's a survival thing#and NO having a life of suffering doesn't make you correct all the time has literally anyone else watched heathers#youngest siblings always have the most deranged dating stories and the oldest in a set of age gap siblings always has the WORST taste in men#< that's directed at my sister and no one else that's a personal diss not a real observation#only children have one thing. theyre SUPER weird about splitting the grocery bill#food is NOT communal to only children I've learned firsthand. Also they'll be perfectly fine sharing anything else BUT food usually#weed. loans. bathroom supplies. dishes. ect. but NOT food#meanwhile sibljngs are a little TOO comfortable chowing down on stuff they didn't buy. bad roommates are bad roommates
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guy did it
#guy (me) did (was forced to finish bc of mental deadlines) it (sudoku solving algorythm)#dude i started it before work and got across a problem bc ofc.#but then i had to leave. for work.#and on my way there. literally 2 minutes after i left. (its like 4 to work but >:P) i fucking knew how to solve it.#after that it was literally just a thingy of extending the recursion limit bc for some reason they want us to use the dumbest way.#the algorythm they want is literally one singular step up from just. filling in all the empty spaces and PRAYING.#augh.#they dont know sudoku like i do.....#no one does....#augh im really happy tho i fucking loove when things work <33#erm now to make it understandable for the guy im doing the assignment with...... auhg.#i shouldnt have to leave comments on my programming you should just know everything already >:(#sillyposting
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i just feel like if you cant debate someone w/o insulting them then you're kinda just using it as an outlet for all of your asshole-ness
#you shouldnt have assholeness inside you anyways but. if you do you probably grew up thinking its just like. socially normal#instead of idk. trying to get along?? theres no reason you gotta insult ppl esp for things they cant change#it also makes you look lazy in the way u argue#yes yes ik i call ppl dipshits a lot but to me its more of a 'im worried about u/ur wellbeing/ppl around u for u not knowing better'#rather than a:#'hah u idiot loser ur so dumb and im so so much smarter and cooler and faster than you heh' kinda thing that some ppl do 😒😒😒#ig that can be a bit patronizing but id prefer that over someone whos just an immature full-of-themselves asshole tbh#not tryna say its ok bc ppl dont necessarily know i mean it in that way when i say it but yeah. i dont think im the worst about this ill sa#that much and thats not the reason im posting about it. a looooooot of yall on here are waaaaaaaaay worse about it lmao.#i think we should all try to stop doing it. and that doesnt mean me trying harder than yall if anything yall need to try harder than me#oh and uh me telling you What It Is isnt the same as me insulting you. btw. at worst its patronizing when you Do know better#but otherwise im literally just trying to be helpful. even if it is snappy and said pettily sometimes 💁#at least i can rest easy knowing i tried being helpful rather than feeling like a self-proclaimed 'morally superior' egotistical jackass#💁💁💁💁💁#i dont know better! i know what i know and i work off of what i know and help people from where i come from and my own experience#i dont claim to know everything i dont stand on this rock claiming to conquer all that is to be known about it like some of yall do#i dont get on my high horse trying to preach to people abt How They Should Be Or Else They're Irredeemable (And Also I'm Perfect btw)#and if i ever do its for the least serious thing possible and im probably fuckin joking#and ig rn i am kinda doing a 'i do this better than you' thing but again its a#'i do this better than you. you should be able to do it as well as i do too or better. challenge urself to be better' thing rather#than 'haha look at me im so much smarter than you and better than you and more deserving! everybody praise me!!!' thing
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thinking about ex boyfriend! bakugou who is so fucking smug because he was your first and doesnt ever leave you alone… smut included.
an: this shouldnt have taken all day, but today was pretty shit. 😀
you roll onto your right side, feeling the vibration of your phone buzzing. it unlocks looking at your face identifying, and you groan in annoyance. “hello?”
“mornin’ , sleepin’ slut. bad night with the new guy?” you recognize the voice, bakugou. “just wasn’t doin’ nothin’ for you, huh?” he laughs a little bit, a sigh afterwards.
“do you realize what fucking time it is?” you ask, squinting to look at the white numbers in the corner. “it two fifty three in the goddamn morning.”
“and i bet he’s gone by now, isnt he?” katsuki asks, an expectant huff.
“who?” you ask, almost damn near impersonating a actual owl. “because i dont know who the fuck you’re referring to. ive been at home all day.”
“yer’ new little boy toy. i knew youd whore yourself out to make me jealous.” he says, biting his lip when he heard you starting to argue back and get loud. “yeah? im fuckin wrong?”
“very much so, very slow at that.”
“i mean, we wouldnt be here had you not gotten ‘fed up.’” he reminds, biting his lip and tugging at his hero pants when you scoff. “all we gotta do is get back together and y’know..”
“yes, lets get back together mr.dynamight who liked to get an attitude when things dont go his way or will purposely lie about shit to make me jealous, i love you.” you say sarcastically, rolling your eyes and pinching the bridge of your nose.
“really?” he asks, a hand groping himself when he waits for your answer.
“no.” you say, pressing the end call button and tossing the phone into the laundry hamper. sleep was good when you didnt have an ex boyfriend calling you in the buttfuck hours of the morning, but he pestered you more. you obviously hear his calls going to voice mail, but its good that the ringer turned off when you threw it.
‘one new voicemail. should i play?’ the fax machine asks, replying with a ‘sure.’ out of pity, was the pussy that good he was obsessed? or was he desperate?
‘you know you want me back, princess.. just call me back and show me how much you miss me.’
yeah fuckin right.
you listen closer, hearing heavy breathing and… slick? was this fucker only booty calling you at fucking three in the morning for this? is that why he called you?
‘not just callin’ ya because im horny or nothin.. but god, do i miss seeing you.’ as soon as you thought the worst. ‘miss seein’ yer pretty face.. or seeing the dumb shit you send me at work.’
you ponder on his words… but had he not been a bit of an asshole, you wouldnt be here. all of this was because he wanted you jealous, and ended up you spitting in his face then leaving.
‘need ta tell ya somethin anyway..’ he mumbles, a groan from his lips. you knew what he was doing, it slightly turned you on. ‘never slept with her.. just lied so you can show me how you can be crazy ‘bout me.. it was stupid.’
yeah, it was. who the fuck lies about that?
‘miss you so damn bad..’ he says, probably pre nut clarity. he moans a little bit, heavy breathing from him stroking his fat cock. ‘cmon baby, talk to me.’
and an idea pops in your head, you finding some really old photo of you and izuku.
#bakugo katuski#kastuki bakugou#bnha bakugo x reader#bakugou#katsuki bakugou#bakugou katsuki#bakugou x black reader#bakugo smut#yandere bakugou#bnha bakugou#katsukibakugou
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