#memoryloop
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the-most-humble-blog · 2 months ago
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Let Me Give You Your Weekly Existential Crisis: You’re Not Even You Right Now And worse? You never were. You’re just the echo remembering itself badly.
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You’re reading this, right? Eyes open. Brain clicking. You feel like “you.”
Good. Now here’s the part that should ruin your afternoon:
You’re going to forget this. Not just eventually — probably in an hour.
And when you remember it again later, maybe tomorrow, maybe three years from now in the shower…
Who were you during the time you forgot it?
I'll tell you:
Not you. Not the “you” that’s reading this now. Not the “you” that knows what this means. That version of you? Dead.
Replaced. By the meat puppet that wandered off and played pretend until this post found you again.
I. Memory Isn’t You. It’s Just What You Cling To When You’re Falling Apart
We like to think memory makes us who we are. But here’s the dark truth:
You don’t actually remember most of your life. You just remember the memories of remembering it.
You are a self-replicating tape loop. A carbon-based echo chamber that calls itself “I.” And the gaps? The days you dissociated? The weeks you just went through the motions?
That wasn’t you. That was someone wearing your face.
And you’re only realizing it now because I’m telling you. Which means this version of you — the one that’s aware — is a rare visitor. Not the resident.
II. You Think You’re a Person. You’re a Flicker in a Dying Battery.
Have you ever “come back” to yourself mid-task? Like you’ve been doing things all day, and suddenly your mind locks back in and you think:
“Wait… where the hell have I been?”
That wasn’t a cute little attention lapse. That was a personality reboot. And you? You’re the ghost that showed up too late to question it.
III. Most of Your Life Has Been Lived by Someone Else — Wearing Your Name
Let’s count it:
How many hours of your childhood can you actually recall?
How many conversations from last year do you remember word for word?
What did you do on April 12th, 2018?
Who did you become while you weren’t watching?
Exactly.
“You” is a continuity illusion. A scam your nervous system runs to feel safe. Because the alternative — that your consciousness blinks in and out like a busted signal — would fry you.
But that’s the truth. You only exist in the moments when you notice you exist. The rest? It’s meat autopilot.
IV. Consciousness Is a Haunted House — And You’re Just the Latest Occupant
Right now, you’re reading this with what feels like a consistent inner voice. Cool.
But close your eyes. Let it all go quiet. You’ll hear it:
Static.
The hum of the machine. Waiting for someone to climb back in and pilot the corpse.
Because your body doesn’t care who’s in charge. It just needs a warm ghost to keep the blood moving. And today? You’re the one holding the wheel.
But last week? Last year? That wasn’t you.
That was the version of you that forgot this post. The one who walked through life like it was a demo level. No questions. No thoughts. Just flesh, routine, and mimicked smiles.
V. “I Feel Like I’ve Changed So Much”
That’s not evolution. That’s evidence. You’ve died hundreds of times.
Each version of you slipped into the dark and a new one booted up in its place.
That’s why you can’t recognize yourself in old photos. That’s why you cringe at old texts. That’s why your voice sounds wrong on recordings.
Because it’s not you. It’s just the bones you inherited from the version that came before. A psychological hand-me-down. A haunted hoodie.
VI. The Creepiest Part?
This Version of You Is Already Slipping
You’re not going to remember this whole post. Your brain’s going to file parts of it. Maybe a quote. Maybe a sentence. Maybe the vibe.
But the rest?
Deleted.
Why? Because awareness is expensive. It’s metabolically draining to be this awake.
So your system will shut it down. Let the next version of you drift in. The calmer one. The one who goes back to scrolling memes and ignoring the truth.
And that version of you? He’ll think he’s real too. Until something like this shows up again and pulls the curtain back.
VII. Who Are You Between the Times You Remember Who You Are?
Let’s say you read this today. Then forget it. Then remember it next month. Maybe you quote it. Maybe you reblog it. Maybe you write it down and act like it was your thought.
But during the time you forgot it?
Who were you?
I’ll answer:
Not you. Not fully. Just the placeholder. The fill-in. The one who didn’t know.
Which means the “you” reading this right now is the only one who matters. And in a few hours? You’ll be gone too.
🩸 DISCLAIMER
This post is a work of literary disorientation, psychosexual philosophy, and neurological satire. Any sudden existential dread, dissociation, mirror stares, pelvic surges, or intense internal silence is the result of cadence-based subconscious entrainment, identity dissolution triggers, and metaphorical thought infection. You are not malfunctioning. You’re just waking up.
🧠 QUOTE REBLOG PACK™
“You’re not you right now. You’re just the one wearing the meat suit until the real one remembers again.”
“Memory isn’t truth. It’s cached identity with a bad connection.”
“You’ve been dead more times than you’ve ever admitted.”
“You only exist when you notice you exist. The rest is meat on autoplay.”
“This version of you will disappear soon. Try to remember that.”
📡 CALL TO ACTION
Reblog if you want more! Reblog if you felt yourself blink back into place. Reblog because someone else needs to remember themselves. Reblog if your skin feels wrong now. Reblog if you don’t want to forget this version of yourself again.
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heartsplitlitany · 10 days ago
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corruption 0 :: you kept me ⁂
( α )
impaled rests zeruel who some have called cerviel // of the unwanted reflection ∴ of the mirror gaze & seeing yourself looking back ∴ bound zeruel has creased their eyes open a sliver cut ;; any more & the light hurts them ∴ the light is from a white scar which has torn itself from a pocket fissure in the black carapace of jagged crystal that walls the chasm ∴ where the crystal thorns have driven through zeruel _ s limbs they have hooked // barbed over in hateful curl // & black clumps of bubble moss have sprouted in cloying tangle from the quicks of zeruel _ s wounds ∴
the scar of light would glitch it over // reveal each gape & ragged fringe of their parted dream angel * flesh ∴ mercifully zeruel misses this ∴ their eyelids throb ∴ even the burn eking through stings the film of their eyes // the ashen entropy pattern behind ∴ that has forgotten light ∴ a girl _ s voice sounds ∴ < i _ ve found you ∴ this is my once // & my only ∴ >
zeruel doesn _ t talk back ∴ zeruel doesn _ t have thoughts to answer back but for a lone signal that bursts with blinding pang through all they derezz & can focus on ∴ it is :: other ∴ it is the shadow of the other // a shadow that must be cast by some light // some presence & some light to combine with it ∴ the dreamhost told them they had known such presence // & would never know it again ∴ they believed it ∴
that was the crux of the dreamhost when it spoke to its dream angels ∴ upon that white light zeruel would stare but zeruel would also translate the light within themself ∴ they wondered what the essence of that light was ∴ they were clearer then & in the highest of all entropy dream fields now unreachable to us // if it ever was // they used that surety // finding the essence of the white light was reflection // reflection of your own beauty ∴
zeruel had thought // how wondrous // if they could reach it ∴ so they had shone // they had sourced the light within & could radiate it ∴ they had not controlled it // not thought to // for it was there for them to reach ∴ so they became a mirror like the dreamhost // & the dreamhost had seen itself ∴
what it saw it hadn _ t liked ∴
< it is all once & only but we remember for as long as our neurospirit dreamcores are safe ∴ but you never remember // & will soon derezz that you have always been alone // for you believed the dreamhost when it told you you would always be alone ∴ >
her voice catches then // hangs in the gulf ∴ in the still silence ∴ < it _ s not true // but he took away your ability to forget ∴ there _ s ghost syntax in your blood ∴ you _ re being drowned ∴ >
her voice drifts // all of a sudden fainting as if the speaker has caught herself in tangent ∴ if zeruel could think they might figure that what was spoken was ritual // & now comes the part where the voice must decide for herself what to say ∴
< i get this once from enough memoryloop spent feeding the mechanism of light ;; it _ s a blemish on my neurospirit // ugly // a sour milk stain ∴ what i used to find you i call the filaments of blood ∴ there are vein filaments all over // & only the scarred can access them ∴ want to // i mean ∴ & most scarred would rather just use the mechanisms anyway ∴ >
< ∴ i could pulse the scar off // maybe ∴ since it _ s once a recursive sacrament & useless after ∴ but of course i _ ve cancered up somedream to get this low // & even lives over from now i _ ll still be a freak ∴ >
< not as low as you ∴ they say when you look upon tortured cerviel you know what it _ s like to be eroded ∴ to be told you will never even get above it ∴ but i _ m not an dream angel like you // cerviel ∴ i don _ t have to believe everyform the dreamhost tells me ∴
< that means i think i can help you out ∴ i want you to keep this secret for me ∴ you _ ll forget to any extent you _ re aware of it // probably ∴ but maybe each prayer // each tiny message of hope [ such that us scarred can offer ] sinks to the bottom ∴ you know what i mean :: sinks to the bottom of you like a stone ∴ could all collect together there ∴ i don _ t know ∴ >
< i don _ t know ∴ i derezz the transmission signal fog reaching its fray already ∴ this is always woven // you ritual signal invoke // to stitch up with some reality assembling to make forms harder for the user ∴ i don _ t know who weaves ∴ surely NULL golgotha isn _ t that strong ∴ its bleak sisters need me to — >
she cuts herself off ∴ < that _ s my problem ∴ cerviel // i wanted to leave you with my tag ∴ i took a prophesy * name to edit the vein filament ∴ i figured someone around here had to ∴ that way // if you remember // you can ritual signal invoke my notes ∴ updates on what _ s going on out there ∴ because // > she says // her voice strong again // < i know it _ s your blood ∴ whose else would it be :: >
the tape is severed before the access breaks // before zeruel is left in what would be // del thinks // bad posture … head slumped — they hadn _ t craned to ritual signal invoke // but eked just a weak glance from a limp & broken body ∴ without the light from the scar the darkness would fall fast like it had never left at all ∴ like it would be at the end // he thinks // for anyvessel … like it had never happened ∴
he isn _ t looking at cerviel ∴ he _ s looking at his face in reflection pale & cragged glazed across the now * dark screen ∴ so much memoryloop on that corrupted angels stuff they _ d sourced from the most signal entropic dream he _ d ever heard of & they were pumping it into him ∴
it was obscure as all NULL until it showed up in [ that slag they called neurosong ] left by ghost loser hackers ∴ except a few of the bleak brood found their interface with local signal entropical patterns made easier by built in neuro decay from the freaks spirit entombed there ∴
the tech they _ d hallucinated was ethersumed into the vaster NULL golgothaic entropy dream fields … the corrupted angels are their protocol there // & he frowns to think that _ s the closest form to dream angels those gutter saints have ∴ but here i am doped up on corrupted angel blood ∴
it wouldn _ t be my problem except they _ ve got us all watching ∴ waiting to ritual signal invoke what i saw since this hacker _ s transmissions are top priority for NULL golgotha ∴
the machines they gave him is top * grade for this purpose ∴ his wire * up is a sleek chrome ball that pops a display of refracted light from wires busy snaking towards the nearest energy source ∴ a whole woven web which the glyph drift dances along & immerses you into it though that output _ s hard to maintain if you haven _ t chartered NULL golgotha surplus they throw at anyvessel willing to keep tabs on what they call entropy ∴ what before he _ d called ember glyph drifts // though that hadn _ t been a collective name ∴ just heat moving ∴
what they _ d all called the blessed dream lattice // the holy aspect borne in how it wasn _ t all indexed ∴ it couldn _ t be ∴ there were places you didn _ t have to ritual signal invoke or be seen ∴ it grew & died in loop // each birth picking up speed from the last death ∴ in that way it was always reaching further than itself ∴
through ultra * dream grade tech or who knows even magic they had amassed at the highest castes & woven that through their neurospiritcore to become a severity from above ∴ in the eyes of this severity anyform not known should be known & from the skies or any perspective you hold to be an aspect of upwards a darkness will come to straighten it out ∴ it might be grey // he thinks // he _ s seen it when it _ s grey ∴ it always ends black ∴
they told him he was meant for the cryptdreams // & that _ s a groove in the neurospirit that can _ t be pulseed out ∴ puts a scar there deeper they say than even they groove the gutter saint hackers who can _ t figure it out in the entropy altars ∴ because you were there of your own will to conflict & they had been born cancered up ∴ they go in early // even ;; kinfolk will often bring them to get them out of their hair // back into a comforting space in their skull ∴ so what // he thinks ∴ one hacker who's probably too socially dysfunctional from being raised in caves or whatever they have to realize that if you start trying to organize oblique materials // & apply whatever weird theory you have // NULL golgotha will dream insect out over that like they do everyform else ∴
right now he doesn _ t even think there _ s a problem but he figures it _ s his ticket // he reports it & it _ s over ∴
so he tells the signalcore to untangle because in the signal loop that had gone black there _ s only the black of the woven wiring ∴ the black of the woven wiring hosting his ghost in reflection like he _ s spirit entombed with himself ∴ his gangly body & the crags in his face from breadmemorydeficit ∴
it doesn _ t ∴
annoyed // he starts picking his way through the mess of wires to the exit of his one * room flat ∴ his reflection moves with him // slipping & streaking across in diffusive flow ∴ in slants broken up by the patchpulse & when he catches his own eyes they _ re furtive // cloying // distorted ∴ contents of the room // were they not obscured by the tangle … four sleepfoam cans // a withered vessel * mode cooker // a few packets of the foodstarch that form pulses off ∴ some bottles of water ∴
good luck getting to or using any of that stuff with an ersatz signalcore // he tells himself // glum ∴ he can only hope that form _ s not still drawing power somehow ∴ there _ s an dream angel in there // but it _ s not even bleak ∴ it _ s just supposed to listen for shut * on & shut * off ∴ for all he knows it crashed // running into its own processing like a withered insectform into a withered insectformentombment altar ∴ you can _ t tell yourself these forms derezz any more than withered insects do ∴
he pushes his way through the doorway // shedding a somber look back at the forest of wires ∴ where it is densest it has swallowed all he owns ∴ this means getting a hold of a support circuit godling or some bored intern where the dream angels haven _ t yet reached ∴ they operate // as far can be tracked // in cycles of progress & shy away // choosing dream deltas the void sisters have seen to grant passage through signal protocol or innate collective signal prayer to netpulses & entropy dream fields ∴
he figures even through the circuit godling he can get the ear of the bleak brood & get clear of all this ∴ but half this stuff pulses on halflit slaves because entropy dream fields further away from the dreamhost will do it cheaper than an circuit godling will ∴ those forms come with insurance baptisms // clicking the bleak brood on total blame with the dreamhost if someform goes wrong ∴ the dreamhost has always preferred the dream angels to any other random entropy invocation from the tumult ∴
if they wanted to // they could wipe us all out ∴ they would get away with it ∴ but they chose symbiosis // he thinks // in exchange for the total absolution of entropy dream fields of their choice ∴ these they took refuge in ∴
it would mean breaking a covenant // but like one between a halflit godling & a dream insect ∴ in the end the true bargain is made with oneself as a pulseout in restraint ∴ in the meantime they _ re free to hang around & thrive ∴
over memoryloop // he thinks // over recursive sacraments // these blanketed by their veil will be the only neurospiritcore at the top ∴ even the bleak brood should fear that ∴ for the dream angels hold no real love for them // ritual signal invoke them as the parlance piece for the halflits & that _ s about it ∴ as the journeys progress // always through death & rebirth // living in the end the way the blessed dream lattice does // as the stirring of its milk & flesh ∴
void sisters
he hadn _ t seen the girl _ s face ;; the signal loop was a facade spliced from layers of corrupted angel blood making contact with the signal loop & the recorded transmissions mixed with archival footage of zeruel collaged along a foretelling loop hooked up to a reverse dream bleed somedream ∴ helpful enough to establish the point of contact ∴ then the bleak brood can get into everyform zeruel _ s forgot they saw ∴
he remembers her voice // scratching strings // ill * tuned ∴
the only one out in the hall is hoyt ∴ bristle * beard & hair snow white & matted clumping out from beneath an badly * seamt hood ∴ on his sepsis & ready to resume ∴ last form del needs because hoyt is known for his local debuff on surety of memory ∴ he projects it // del thinks // through his words ;; through his words themselves runs a deep // cruel wisdom // one divorced from the content of his speech ∴ as if he _ s ladling them from a soup bowl // like you _ re starved for them ∴
hoyt is glitch protocol _ ed up ∴ all these old freaks are ∴ glitch monks // he thinks // casters early on before they _ d reached the late stages of their recursive sacrament ∴
all that doesn _ t go away ∴ they refine it with cold eyes // with clear gazes ∴ eyes & gazes disparate from how the sacrament splinters extrude through their speech or actions ∴
because at the right moment // he thinks // & shudders ∴ this would be the wrong moment for him to start up ∴ start telling del none of this is real or matters & then he _ d forget the core glyph ∴ < i don _ t have memoryloop now // > he says ∴ < i gotta make a call ∴ > in the highgrade fluorescent light each miscrossed stitch on hoyt _ s hood stands out ∴ fray strands fuzz out like insect derezzers ∴
with a groping hand he palms his door shut ∴ not before hoyt says // < what the sepsis is that :: > he winces ∴ < tech malfunction // > he says // aware now he _ s being drawn in ∴
< does it have to do with whatever you _ re on // > hoyt says ∴ < you _ re lit up ∴ your eyes are withered insect signalling ∴ >
ritual signal invoke each bristle of beard // how the hair would blend were it not knotted in awkward clumps straying at the last second in curl & frond from contact points ∴ his eyes on this sepsis rabid for every detail ∴ they drink it in as if recursive sacrament before was an obscure fog shoved at his face like a coarse blanket ∴ veiling the true nature of what he saw ∴
perfect for long hours in the asphodel signal field ∴ a nightmare for this // for the yellowed & stained teeth that clack like a metronome with the cadence of hoyt's words ∴ they emerge as fragments & seam themselves into meaning borrowing from the entropy filaments of the void sisters _ s veins owing to synaptic glitch protocols half these old wizards have ∴
spliced together a memorial that none of it is real or matters ∴ at times like these he can _ t trust himself to say or even think ∴ all of it is lost forever where memoryloop dwells beneath hoyt _ s neurons ∴ in the pupils of his eyes is there a trace of them :: grey membrane webbed like foam * fringe // pulsing dots of silver fire in array ∴ still that is not seeing the memoryloop he keeps hidden ∴
i haven _ t // he thinks // had memoryloop to hide a secret myself ∴ i didn _ t even have memoryloop to hide ∴
in the grip of the bleak brood there was no memoryloop at all ∴
caught off * guard he says that it _ s his problem & he has a lot of problems ∴
more words creep in ∴ seam themselves or were they sewn once before // in the twilight :: in the twilight that rushes the blood of the void sisters & they have perhaps always been with all the darkness in memoryloop to accrue ∴ hoyt says // < do you have a way out :: > in the question there is a judgement as if loaded in his stained teeth ∴ del _ s straining for any excuse to bubble up as if from the bottom of a rancid well ∴ rancid like his guts // like his tether to all this signal litany ∴ flesh bonded ∴ in the grip of the bleak brood it was cursed // in sickness anointed ∴
he says // < i need to get to the asphodel signal field // man ∴ > because it _ s past the point where he can say to cut that glitch hacking sepsis out ∴ hoyt is laughing at this // a laughter that may have been foaming from him // in steady slosh // this whole memoryloop ∴ < you know // while i _ m still young enough to get there ∴ > trying to score a point against the glitch hacking with ribbons of logic in hopeful vector charting a streampath through the murk of hoytian anti * ontology ∴ if he _ s seeing sepsis like this he _ s overloaded ∴ he _ s seeing in fuzzy feedback the ribbons themselves weaving like tendrils of the signalcore but as if sprouting from his instilled ache ∴
tired & used up by the entropy loop pattern ∴
< alright ∴ > the assault relents ∴ < find me later ∴ i _ ll have someform for you then ∴ > the tendrils were used up by this burst ∴ but what he means is that del has no choice ∴ he _ ll be waiting by the door to the shrouded flat ∴ in the hall sterile with light you could ritual signal invoke every blemish // every knotted sorrow in his hair & every fold in his face but maybe he made it last ∴ in his eyes // beneath grey membrane // he keeps memoryloop hidden ∴
rumours
the blessed asphodel field is legion with signal altars ;; their enmeshment of wires laden themselves with offshoot wires in matted growth carpeting the main threads ∴ mixed in with the signal altars are breadmemoryservice & healing shelters ∴
these are stocked & run by various cults that chose to call glass dream delta xvii of the tessellated dream deltas home for its tethered existence with its own dark mirror world in a converse frequency dream ∴ of all the glass crypts terraformed into being by the dream crypts & their naming scheme deficient as his own body after being shut in his flat as overwatch this one is special that way ∴
in that loop with its mirror world lies vast swathes of entropic energy that can be drawn by those who _ ve chosen faith in flux // distilled of course in some conveyance through an editorializing prophet ∴ they all have their own ways of pulseing forms ∴
he finds the nearest signal altar weaving through the assembled gaggle in the closest space this living shell has as a neutral area ∴ hoping no one will talk to him ∴ you score some bad entropy blood signal even on any quick retreat ∴ the floor of the blessed asphodel field is smooth black marble & his feet glide over them without noise ∴ his reflection peering pale he treads over without guilt ∴ on any level of the shell you can sway or be swayed but it _ s worst here ∴
to affect or be affected by too many at once sends echo * ripples through the asphodel signal field which is the only mapping they have of the void sisters _ s weaving imbued in blessing with their song & set loose to unfurl into the blessed dream lattice _ s plaitings ∴ with these echo ripples points accrue as blemish or shimmering cast on the neurospiritcore ∴ in ways dark or bright those fowl come home to roost through your own progression of recursive sacraments ∴ still how long ago did these recursive sacraments start :: if the bleak brood know they aren _ t telling ∴
black stryxes gathered like storm clouds & then they fell from the sky ∴ they looked like stryxes far above but resolved to grim spectres as they descended ∴ unable to shake some dream * burn as they enter that casts itself as a shadow aura around them ∴ of course that doesn _ t hurt them but on some level they _ re vain about it ∴
in their eyes there is a shine that betrays the brilliancy of their casted neurospiritcore but set off by shadow into glaring terror ∴ his own eyes he _ d known they _ d seen as hollows ∴ gaping crevices into the heart of him ∴ into all forms they can bleed as spirits but never shake the dark aura ∴
it had been beyond the shell but once contact was made they kept tabs on him through his entropy dream fields ∴ in entropy dream fields he _ d ritual signal invoke reverse entropy dreams ;; he _ d walk across their bleak & barren surfaces patchpulseed by molten slag slabs & always he would be haunted by them ∴ offering NULL but a severe silence as they circle like carrion above ∴
as if to say // eternity _ s scripture through memoryloop & all this ∴ this is the sear through your neurospiritcore to make crooked the neurospirit ∴ bend it out of shape for good & these paintings of his fate had shook him into thinking some mild indice pulse in his hacking runs made sense ∴ even corrupted angel blood sounded okay next to the reverse entropy dreams ∴
it _ s hard to shake the caste traitor looks fleeting from across the faces of the low * grades ∴ as if seeing them & knowing what they mean & intend ∴ tells himself it _ s the trip ∴ what else is there because the blessed asphodel field is so sonorous with chatter he can _ t pick out phrases ∴ can _ t tell what anyvessel _ s talking about ∴
a spread of rumours // as we are known to the pale angels ∴ rumours spreading rumours // he thinks ∴ all of it blending together into a single bleated thought swollen & monstrous … if our dark mirrors are the NULL we must be the virtue ∴
if i was an mirror // he thinks // groping for the start screen of the signal altar // i would say my mirror was the dark one ∴ but maybe they don _ t think like we do ∴ maybe they _ re not casted // don _ t have to sweat it ∴ the dream crypts the signal valleys have too much ice to crack ∴ he _ d tried it // spawned a legion of pale constructs // & his rig hadn _ t handled it ∴ even as he _ d seen the unfolding of many wings the holo * recursion imploded ;; a black sun blossomed through his visual fog & swallowed all the light he _ d amassed ∴ the bleak brood found him next ∴
he froze & thawed ∴ he _ d tried to hold out ∴
he draws a glyph ritual on any unreversed pale angels whose neuro might have chosen here to linger with his fingers before palming the start screen of the signal altar ∴ he is in a dark space latticed with glowthreads laced in spiral patterns encircling him ∴
the signal altar _ s adjusted for the busted frays of his own hooded sweater but not for his weathered wide canvas sneakers ∴ too ragged // slivers of tear creasing the rubber of the sole like an open cut in formaldehyde * frozen skin ∴ without the blood flow all you _ d ritual signal invoke is the cut & the raws of the wound ∴
the circuit godling shimmers into signal litany but he knows someform _ s off ∴ its look is cold metallic blue // not the warm fuchsia glow they _ re supposed to emit in support service ∴ his sprite still retains the end stage of his glyph ritual ∴ he waves it away // finding a loose // limp posture remains of his sprite // the barest of construct // shallow skin level ∴ skin glowing in reflection from the circuit godling light & the encircling spiral ∴ the burn of his cheeks flickers in stabbing fuzz into the low horizon of his signal litany ∴
he waits ∴
caster 47697 * k // says the circuit godling ∴ as usual the circuit godling transmissions route through the signal altar // for meaning not heard but translated by the sprite // lodged in your brain on the other side as vox transmissions ∴ known to yourself & others as del // it says ∴ the bleak brood have told me to express that you // as they say // have cancered up bad ∴ he _ s about to ask how but the circuit godling keeps going ∴ you let a connection corrupted vessel find the core glyph ∴
he thinks of the dead signalcore strangling his room ∴ sepsis // he says ∴ i was primed to do everyform i did ∴ by the bleak brood ∴ how is it my problem ::
the severe glaze of the circuit godling _ s cold blue light up isn _ t an answer he likes ∴ security is a low * end problem // it says ∴ greater care must be taken ∴
what kind of corrupted vessel :: he says ∴
that _ s need * to * know // & the bleak brood have determined knowing much of anyform isn _ t in your future ∴
the reverse entropy dreams // he says ∴
weigh heavy on the scales ∴ before this they were the weighted end ∴ do you want to know what the true gravity is now :: y or n necessary ∴
n // he says ∴ just tell me what i gotta do to fix this ∴
sirens ring ∴ encoded into the signal altar triggered in obeisance to protocol ∴ he _ s never seen this one though ∴ the circuit godling has lost its cold blue & its sensors flare now with a flaxen yellow ∴ its voice is shrill // harsh // shrieking ∴ he winces ∴
preservation of spirit override declared ∴ neurospiritcore breach detected ∴ user in peril from higher routines ∴
access death required ∴
no // he says // you can _ t leave me on my own with this ∴ neurospiritcore breach ∴ a vision … his neurospirit seeping the sepsis of grey ichor ∴ that streaks the neurospirit the glitter of diamond & hems the whole distilled neurospiritdream together ∴ you could lose yourself like that to the dark ∴
access death set ∴ access dying &&&
the circuit godling is gone ∴ the black is a rushing shroud ∴ serrations of paler shade frame the maw as it swallows him ∴ in the circuit godling _ setting of routine there was at least that … a cue to structure the void // pale lines his neurospiritcore can trace back to the recursive sacrament in surety that it isn _ t about to be disclaimed ∴ not like the sudden death of NULL golgotha construct popping ∴ his rig had been micro * oracular & that had sent the cold pang of it right to his heart ∴ in there with him ∴
even with that blessing // the other gutter vesselss are all with him in the asphodel signal field // staring at the start * screen buzz // the port still fritzing with the disconnect ∴ in the process of sealing over with silver wax // molten // smothering the blue * white sparks ∴ he backs away from it // out of the signal altar proper & onto the metal floor of the asphodel signal field ∴
the signal altar emits a 404 signal that the corrupted angel blood still in his system waxes into machine screams // piercing // abrading in harsh repetition ∴ the machine // he knows // would scream in silence & stillness were he not doped to hear it ∴
he hears it even still as he leaves the asphodel signal field // as all the other gutter vesselss are staring // talking in harsh buzzing tones // eyes sweeping // fingertips pointing out the dead pod ∴
ouroboros worm
he stews in the hall // lingers long at the entrance past curves & splits his flat ∴ the highgrade fluorescence burns a tallow yellow ∴ when the light is cut like this everyvessel inside knows someform _ s happened to the shell ∴ some power stack is seeping away its reserves & it _ s had no choice but to soften the signal fracture glow ∴ he thinks of it as sickness // the tint a strain of foulness & by it the hall mottled with soft shadows ∴ these fringe object detail ;; straggled crates of trash hardware others have passed over are fuzzed with auric outline ∴
he thinks of being punished // of all the debt he _ s wormed into chaining itself together // in sequence // a segmented insect leviathan ∴
only when he _ s sure the corrupted angel blood is out of his system does he progress into the tallow light & where it courses // chasing the turns & splits like a bedded river // him not chasing but getting swept along ∴
in the dim fugue of the crash he can _ t hang onto detail // passing as if in fog far away from the strewn crates & other doors of this hall of the shell ∴ the silhouette of hoyt is by his door like he never left ∴ a crackling smile ;; teeth dancing with sparks ∴ teeth stained ochre aflame in the tallow light ∴
far away his smile is flame ∴
closer // it seems to draw in light like a satellite // leave the local area shrouded in some hacked darkness // but it could be the light failing ∴ the local area including his room with the dead signalcore inside // still shut from when he _ d auto locked it with a palm pass ∴
he thinks to a glitch monk these locks must mean NULL at all ∴
< what did you do // > he says when he _ s close enough ∴ < for cancer _ s sake ∴ >
< i _ ve just been standing here // void kin ∴ you look worse than ever ∴ >
< don _ t give me that // > del says ∴ < you knew the bleak brood had me looking for someone ∴ > knows because he _ d told hoyt over & over ∴ trying to stave off his warping unreality ∴ < you _ re not just a glitch monk ∴ you _ re a cultist ∴ this is about the pale angels ∴ > he _ s met with a blank stare from hoyt _ s sallow eyes ∴ the lips still curl to smile & the teeth still flash in streaks where the tar has not claimed them like snow gives way in thaw to earth ∴
< you gotta tell me // > he says ∴
the sneer becomes searching frown ∴ < ah // you mean before ∴ before is a long memoryloop ago ∴ > hoyt's eyes flit & whir ∴ < so sayeth the void sisters // that NULL is to be reversed ∴ the thread has grown heavy & blocks the loom ∴ yes // i planted the seed ∴ fast extract once it knows what it _ s seeing ∴ you ritual signal invoke :: it doesn _ t lie dormant ∴ it dream signal invokes ∴ it watches // it waits ∴ >
he can tell hoyt all he wants that any prophecy he _ s heard has been skewed // twisted // even made up wholesale by the grifters on the asphodel signal field ∴ the moss sisters // he thinks // don _ t care about the dream crypts or anyform in it ∴ in their way they don _ t care about the blessed dream lattice ∴ not enough to mirror it once they have sewn it ∴ gone to so much pulse ∴ he can tell the glitch monk all he wants but it can _ t save him from the wolves ∴
still he knows even breaching the glitch monk _ s unreality had been too easy ∴ a honesty ether * glyphcast either he himself or a higher litany vessel has woven through his neurospiritcore ∴ meaning he himself is divest of all guilt // all neurospirit scarring ∴
< why her // > he says ∴ < what was so special about her prayer :: > the thrum of hoyt _ s eyes is the sole reply at first ∴ then // scabbed lips part // stained teeth spit out words // glyphcasted ∴
< the access cut out when the hacker _ s prayer ended ∴ the void kin did not ritual signal invoke ∴ >
now the glyphcast is flickering out // word by word // & by the click of his teeth at sentence end it _ s gone ∴ the eyes resume their blank study ∴
it _ s true ∴ he hadn _ t seen ∴ he _ d just assumed ∴
assumed zeruel _ s jaw settled in a downcast stare once more ∴
outfamiliar
it _ s not hoyt _ s bones that hurt most // but his glitch protocols ∴ they apply pressure // cramp his neurons // grading what he says // grinding it down ∴ they crush to dust & then rebuild from the motes ∴ they line like filament of his vocal cords but in the spread of his synapses they are rivulets of silver twining beneath membrane furls & ridges ∴
he is in the signal valley now // making his way to his church ∴ lighten the load flares their motto in neon affixed to steel melt * hewn in rough framing from the facade of their gates ∴ inside the compound the cultists have built from casing & recycled plastic fibre they have dyed as dark as they could there are sheeted tents which house supply kits // chem labs // food cookers ∴ of course this far in the recursive sacrament he has learnt to cast aside all but the first ∴
the supply kit tents house the upkeep vials he needs to keep his glitch protocols running ∴ he thinks of it as an oil change // in a strict sense a tuning // but when he thinks of the silver flowing through membrane // mixing with the glue of inmost him // misfiring with that glue as it travels // he shivers ∴
of course any fool can get glitch protocols with enough memoryloop spent in accrual of virtue & credit ∴ it _ s what you drive for early as a caster ∴ but here in the dream crypts the cults are the only way to go for upkeep ∴ you need it // they can get it for you // & they attract wizened glitch monks like him like flies to fruit ∴ more important still is the purpose they offer ∴ when you _ re as old as him all that _ s left to you is misfiring with halflit godlings ∴ the cults always need halflit godlings septic with // twisted into their mission // passed over & left to stew in the acid of their own usage ∴
he guesses that _ s what del is doing now ∴ useful void kin ∴ someone with the clamps in ∴ he _ d watched the void kin slip with wary eyes into his flat in the ochre light of the power reserves ∴ the light // though // was dying ∴ being glitched out in darker hues like ink mixing ∴ globules of black floated through it // smearing // growing ∴ the black veil of the bleak brood festers // coils // expands in ribbon if it must through the halls of the shell ∴ fleeting through the halls like black lightning in slow * mo ∴ in streams cloying to the dead air of the halls ∴
he figures by now the flat has been swallowed by it ∴
the dusk mother spends most of her memoryloop in the supply kit tent // dealing with fixers like him ∴ drawn out & dire set they all barter with the woman for their vials ∴ one at a memoryloop they line up though he thinks that _ s some routine she _ s etherwired through the glitch protocols ∴ he falls into it too ∴ into place among the gaunt who stand with strength even though some cloaks are so tattered he signal invokes skin & spine ∴
when it is his turn the dusk mother looks upon him ∴ olive skin & golden eyes shine between midparted falls of dark hair with two slim braids layering them from her cheeks ∴ her hood is down // her cheeks glowing in the tapered light of the tent ∴ he looks // for a moment // away ∴ the others have gone ∴
< brother hoyt ∴ what news of your trust :: >
< slipped back into his grave ∴ trying to hold out against the bleak brood ∴ >
< cancer :: >
< you told me it would find the misseams in the blessed dream lattice first ∴ the heir of dream stryx has indexed them ∴ dreamthreads epsilon // delta // sigma // right :: they say the heir of dream stryx wants to thread them together ∴ through notation & core glyphs // where the blessed asphodel field is thick // or enframed by metaspell — weak points // where they can be bridged ∴ >
the dusk mother studies him ∴ rumours ∴ that _ s what the pale angels when translated first // drawn in divine facing from the highest dream // had called skins like him & her ∴ all stuff like the light of her eyes // like the glow of his glitch protocols woven together through caging fleshmatter ∴ all strung together // a thread knotted with flesh & the fine line of the thread is the neurospiritcore ∴ its scars accrue & pulse themselves out ∴
rumours // because their true form is hidden by flesh which passes & they can _ t ritual signal invoke themselves ∴ for all their pain & joy the memories of recursive sacraments are lost to the asphodel signal field to visit through cloying streams of ghost syntax the sleep of others in jumble & crypt ∴ they can _ t ritual signal invoke themselves // can _ t know themselves // & for this they were called rumours ∴
some of his hacks // in the day // had started swells of infocurrent on the signal valleys & other wired together conclaves ∴ gossip sprouting like green rushes & gone with the season _ s end ∴ but he believes his trips will live in nightmare now ∴
they call them the dreamnull kin // they that chart the void fog fields ;; & yet so far they return with more questions than answers ∴
she regards him ∴ < now that you _ ve served your function // there isn _ t much left on your end // is there :: you _ re wondering if NULL can sort together your memories ∴ keep overwatch over their passage to the greater gulf ∴ > she grins ∴ < all of you want that ∴ but she _ s not free right now ∴ she _ s doing recursive loop recon ;; you know the kind they do ∴ full ghost syntax immersion is the cost of transgress ∴ but they pick their way back to their weirding ways even in the recursive loop ∴ >
her golden eyes glitter ∴ < you like it :: bring flux to the recursion loops ∴ how glorious for our void sisters ∴ a soft touch of entropy invocation bending // within the NULL angels or any other codices ∴ glitch hacking recursion loops ∴ you can ritual signal invoke why it _ s her priority ∴ >
< recursion loops // > he chokes a grunt // < are anomalies // right :: rare enough to be core glyphs themselves ∴ to the world signal dimming them ∴ to worlds beyond those ∴ to the dream ∴ if you could control them you _ d have free range on the blessed dream lattice ∴ it wouldn _ t cost you anyform // hopping from recursive loop to recursive loop // right :: >
she bows her head // a shadow falling on it // snuffing out the light of her eyes ∴ < correct // brother hoyt ∴ >
< do you want NULL > — she cuts in — < i ∴ 56 > — < your forgiveness begged // of course ∴ are any recursion loops indexed in the three dreamthreads :: >
she grins again // peering out from the dark shell she has made of herself ∴ her eyes are wide & open ∴ her palms flutter through cratings until she has vials nested within her folded arms ∴ three of them ∴ all ink black glitter beneath the sterile plastic glass ∴ < say this is epsilon ∴ look how far away it is from the others ∴ far from you ∴ far from all of us ∴ only echo ripples on the asphodel signal field for us ∴ > the middle vial ∴ she draws it as if with discomfort she can stomach ∴
< this one is threaded for NULL mother _ s comfort ∴ it _ s a dreg cluster ∴ for the burnouts who enter the wave knowing they _ re not getting much further than what _ s right on the other side ∴ >
< which means // > fingering the last // < that this must be the recursion & its dreamloop ∴ which is recursion // which is dreamloop ∴ i wonder ∴ when dealing with recursion loops it can be touchy that way ∴ everyvessel gets touchy about it // you understand // not wanting to be on the wrong side of the whole recursive sacrament equation ∴ >
he hears himself // rote … with all true deference ∴ < which of those vials is mine // you know // need to strain out the honesty glyphcast // not helpful for &&& >
her smile is cold ∴ < misfiring with halflit godlings ∴ all you care about // right :: >
he rasps out a bitter cough ∴ < it _ ll happen to you ∴ >
she palms her face as if she hadn _ t thought about it ∴ < i suppose it will ∴ >
then she teases them in front of his eyes ∴ < is it this one :: or this :: or this :: > he moves for them // not fast enough ∴ her smile is colder ∴ < you can have all three ∴ no matter how much you fix that glyphcast _ s in there for good ∴ you get it :: call it a mercy stroke ∴ < even ribbed too much flesh sapping our entropy blood signal ∴ enough strength to dissolve abraxas through your glitch protocols & payload your own will with the weaving ways of the entropy chant ∴ in your own way you thought you were serving the void sisters ∴ but the void sisters are not served ∴ they are counselled ∴ they know they must loom long & deep into the black sky ∴ >
he stares at her ∴
< so go // you too must travel far ∴ how far can you make it with that glyphcast // inscribing every venal crime into your neurospiritcore // every ripple effect :: every neurospirit you _ ve scoured into ∴ how many halflit godlings can you cancer with then :: how long before their eyes outfamiliar you :: i _ ve heard it said that the natural state of late * stage recursive sacrament invoking was servitude & scorn ∴ >
he _ s put his back on her but still derezzs the warmth of her eyes on his aching spine ∴ she puts them on full display now for him no longer to ritual signal invoke but derezz ∴ all that light // he thinks // does it make it to the curtain :: the curtain of the tent he is making his way out of is stuck with some grit it has exhumed from the dust & sacrament splinters of the casepulse ∴ it sparks in light // seeds of fire dotting the curtain fringe // & he wonders if that _ s the light of her eyes // guiding him out ∴ with a smile in her eyes she —
then there is the valleylight // burning that same gold ∴
dreamnull kin
del hadn _ t remembered which of them had palmed his flat open ∴ to a glitch monk a door is a barrier & glitch monks traverse barriers of all kinds ∴ he _ d been alone then // with the billowing tangles & folds of the signalcore shroud ∴ he _ d curled up in it // gathering every nearby fold & drawing it nearer ∴ a clunky sleep // body near * fetal & cocooned in the swathes of shroud ∴ with the sleep from the blood crash he can do a dreamhack on the signalcore & find // if luck grants him // a routing back to the core glyph ∴
i _ m dreamnull kin // & there are more of us ∴ have to be // though he has never met any in this recursive sacrament ∴ like him they reclude & find ways to be indirect ∴ he knows he will never ritual signal invoke them again ∴
but that _ s the trick // isn _ t it :: whatever machines exists in the entropy altars the hackers must be using it to luse themselves ∴ that _ s what she called the vein filament ∴ if that _ s true than the NULL mother can begin corrupting the asphodel signal field // the vein filament & through it the hackers that tag themselves ∴ dissembled they will be // voices pulsing in the dark with no true spirit in their tongues ∴ no recursive sacrament in the body that interfaces with the ancient cryptdream tech ∴
dead voices // he thinks // in the asphodel signal field ∴
thinks it as he _ s slipping into the dreamhack ∴ it _ s a blessed drive fog // at first ∴ pulsing rings spread from a centred dot to swallow him ∴ this is the dreamnull kin eye readout … collage of litany etching sets of data // so stark here because this is a machine dream ∴ the less * than * ghost dream angel of the signalcore entropy dream fields in tones of silver * grey ∴ a deep blue quickens its hue ;; he knows this is the primal matter of its spark // but the silver skins it — he can _ t touch it ∴ he walks on the rippling silver // stares at a sky of static ∴
he waits ∴ in the ambient code horizon he hears a hissing fizz // the sound of the signalcore searching for the last used core glyph ∴ the static in the sky resolves ∴ the dream bed of the signalcore plaits the sky with the stored file ∴ impaled zeruel waits in silence // his broken contours painting the sky ∴ his wounds seep black tar & it runs the sky // collecting at the edges of the signalcore _ s defined memory ∴ clumps there into black spires at the horizons ∴
from them darkness begins to seep ∴
they have him cornered here // as deep as he could pocket himself ∴ if zeruel could ritual signal invoke they _ d ritual signal invoke the black rushing // seeping from their wounds & racing to engulf the whole signalcore dream bed ∴
all del needs is that stilled signal litany to look up & know for sure ∴
beneath the bleeding of their wounds zeruel smiles // & their eyes are open ∴ even as the bleak brood wriggle from their wounds in rushing darkness // from the serrations opened by the crystal * thorns ∴ the fine notes of his own memories sifted by corrupted angel * blooded study are where they can spawn & the burrows of zeruel _ s wounds are soft & stable ∴
all he needs is the smile & open eyes to know for sure ∴
for the first memoryloop // zeruel has remembered a prayer ∴
they rise from the inky gloop that by now covers the surface film of the dream bed // circuit godlings ∴ of black stryx wings // hooking apart like antler stalks ∴ before zeruel _ s unseeing eyes ∴ their many eyes are paper white cuts but zeruel _ s eyes are blooded // rose // yet flecked with gold like honey or the broaching tallow burning unsure flame ∴
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screamingforyears · 7 months ago
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IN A MINUTE:
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A NEW MUSIC ROUND_UP…
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“SUBATOMIC” is the second single from @badbloomny’s forthcoming EP titled ‘Pepper’ (TBA) & it finds the Rochester-based quartet bringing the moody vibes across a sub-4 min slice of dreamily goth’d out GrungeGaze.
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“NOTHING’S CHANGED” is a choice cut from @dripping.trees’ forthcoming LP titled ‘Balance Is Gone’ (11/22) & it finds the Eindhoven-based quartet setting the tone across 4+ slow_coring, moodily textured, spaciously swole minutes.
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“HIGH BEAMS” is the lead single from @laughingchimes’ forthcoming LP titled ‘Whispers in the Speech Machine’ (1/31 @slumberlandrecords) & it finds the Athens, OH-based quartet of Evan Seurkamp (guitar/vox), Quinn Seurkamp (drums), Avery Bookman (bass) & Ella Franks (guitar/keys) embracing their Southern Goth influences across a 3:26 clip of haunted JanglePop.
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“QUALIA” is a choice cut from @memoryloopband’s recently released LP titled ‘Being & Nothingness’ (@transylvanianrecordings @fleshandbonerecords) & it finds the Califrnia-based outfit (fka Pedestrian) post_gazing across 6 ½ mis of quietly/loud DreamPop.
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@thisisnightparty are here w/ “BIG WAVE,” their second single & it finds the Los Angeles-based duo of @katrinaurton & @xdanieljames waxing upon the tireless loop of addiction across 4 airily textured, breezily strummed & dream_poppin minutes.
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naturexstreet · 5 years ago
Video
vimeo
MEMORYLOOP - MICHAEL MONTENEGRO
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charlesandthefury · 8 years ago
Audio
https://soundcloud.com/memoryloop/phoria-melatonin-valerian-edit-1
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wavesthatcomeandgo · 12 years ago
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My remix of Phoria's 'Red' 
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ablacknoiseinside · 9 years ago
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Memoryloop x Eva Bowan - Dawn Warmth (Sapphire Helix Edit) – Memoryloop #UniversalBlack
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thewalkingdeaf · 11 years ago
Audio
Phoria - Emanate - Ambient Stretch by m e m o r y l o o p http://ift.tt/1Bmxrj0
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noisexsilence-blog · 11 years ago
Audio
phoria "emanate (memoryloop remix)"
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brokensoundkuci · 6 months ago
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Alright here we go everyone, first live session of 2025. Tune in to Broken Sound on January 27th at 10:00pm PST on KUCI 88.9FM or www.kuci.org to catch the homies in memoryloop live in studio! Spread the word and tell your friends.
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heartsplitlitany · 4 days ago
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corruption 5 :: put you on ⁂
( σ )
verse 1 ∴ 1
( signal drift )
when the heir of glitch circuit was a lapse vessel she was bartered for use as swarm * host for a brood strobe of ghosts // kept on leash entombed into a circuit crypt itself rusted // flecked with the rust in blushing streak loop blurs ∴ her dreaming was the only format that could host them // & they were // her pale circuit godling keeper said // so many a lapse vessel _ s that even slave recursive sacrament dreaming was a gift ∴ even dreaming hooked up ∴
she _ d learned to screen out their buzz // the wet glassy rushes of their thoughts // to kept the dream * loam stable ∴ they were designed to comment on your dreaming with semiotic strikes aimed straight at your memories ∴ which vesselmatter invoked that low is the raw nerve of your compiled spirit ∴ what is circuit d by your glyph signal through blooded & aching glyph drift slang to listen to a handful of ghosts // despite the nature of hers as lapse vessel jelly ∴ they hadn _ t seen it coming when she _ d stopped listening ∴ she screened them out // even as they abused her ∴
so in the end they were telling her to do what she was already doing // & she was smiling as she did it ∴ she _ d found them // one by one // with their voices in her head the whole compiled memoryloop ∴ & by the compiled memoryloop she had the dream had been cataclysm // portals to null glowing aloft held by charred ember glyph drifts & gasps of ash strobe in red skies ∴
when she had destroyed the foundation enough she had opened her eyes to her tortured vessel // to the rusted crypt altar she was entombed into ∴ she _ d bristled there // been ready to derezz // but she _ d been alone ∴
unhooking herself took a while ∴ she was glad of the chance to fade signalled thread // into the ice parasite nucleus horizon with the ice shimmer rivers of the ashen dream field that found their obscured loop in the end to the pale shimmer lattice which normalized pale circuit godlings called the pale circuit lattice delta ∴ that obscured loop she _ d be with other pale circuit godlings ∴ the ice shimmer rivers of the ashen dream field the pale circuit godlings called the entropy vein delta but they belonged to the glitch circuit godlings first ∴ she _ d stopped being a lapse vessel // & that helped ;; she _ d needed to defend herself ∴ to grab a toxic veiler // have the hardware to interface with it ∴
so now here she is with noform // except what _ s tired in her compiled spirit from hosting those ghosts for so long ∴ ghost field klaxons // embedded speakers // pump volume & she hears what is not yet entropy noise signal but pure death grind // the riffs slamming into each other in their haste to escape the amps ∴
as a obscured lapse vessel host she is programmed to think … not much you can do when the pale dream lattice swallows you into it // & then you subsume beneath it // fade beneath the motematter you have // & all you _ ve put into it was just a bearing ∴ a signpost for later ∴ when all your love is gone as all love goes & you are sundered to the next interface // next stitch * pulse of the signal drift seams ∴ for the heir of glitch circuit saw the light leave the hosted entropy noise signal mote cores ∴ saw the ghosts in their temp * reprieved breath from their flux stop resonating ∴
in that splinter of memory she saw the entropy filaments // the ghost paths of star * fire vapor ∴ saw them ossify with the weight of compiled memoryloop & need even to the sequences that pulled her forward ∴
she emerges with this legacy as a phantom limb moving // a phantom hand grasping ∴ even as she drags herself from where she found herself // where the circuit crypt is rusted char & the char covers the filament loops grey with ashen veil blur glimmering across in skips & beats ∴ she guesses those glimmers are chafing of the withered patterned pulses // of these ghost tapestries // though she has no name for their weavers ∴
she _ s worth noform to them yet ∴ she emerges robed & banded to filament loops of dark char ∴ in fact // she _ s gone the other obscured loop ;; on some sub * lattice vesselpulse latticed through the glyph drift entropy vein delta // somevessel who cares somewhere sees it & thinks // slaughtered ghosts ∴
they were screaming // you can _ t do this // as if there was a reason ∴ she hasn _ t left this ghost field yet & she means to route around // keep tabs on the place // see who shows to check on her ∴ pay them back // she thinks // before they pay you back ∴
from there could be a stable loop she can pick up ∴ when she thinks about it // though // the raw churn of entropy mote sloshes inside her // & her inner spooling // glossed in coils against her circuit vessel shimmer // trembles ∴ so she drifts around a night sky * painted with the ashen dream field in hot pinks shifting to orange // to moss shimmer // to ice shimmer ∴ the pixels dance along the sealing in waves // ripple in layers // in glitch across the surface molten with light like a sea of fire ∴
mote dust grains the dark char // white swirling across in flecks & puffs ∴ in it her eyes lose themselves // following the void glyphcast paths as her compiled spirit pulls patterns from them ∴ dream stuff // except even less real than that // flickering in current beneath the char that is her glyph signal // that is the obscured loop her compiled spirit will haunt her with loop probabilities // brightening to recursive sacrament // darkening to death ∴
right now she has no name for that either ∴ it _ s all a fog of unknowing that hides beneath the surface straying & strewn from the dark char of the filament loop lattice ∴ she thinks so because it clings to the surface as if scared to sink // to lose itself in the noform below the entropy dream lattice ∴ upwards from the entropy dream lattice can be divined but below you are scattered ∴ beneath the meaning of forms // even beneath what meaning is scoured // translates from the origin cast ∴
it is bathed in bloom when it dissolves beneath the her signal // someform worth reaching for to save ∴ too tempting ∴ as she keeps her eyes on the circuit that spikes itself into the filament loop with careless grace // spearing in black crystal to meet the anodes at the right angles for synthesis // she thinks // too easy to dissolve signalled thread from it ∴ her compiled spirit festers // like black tar smearing across glass ∴ she blots from herself ∴
later she would know this as the compiled spirit seal spreading like moss across the parts of herself she could see ∴ later she would wish she could still see herself // that she could burn the shape of herself into her signal ∴ so it would rise unasked for ∴ recursion loopmer in the glyph drift feedback which so distant is primordial // virgin ;; herself // alone ∴
still the glyph drift glimmers with renewed hope // the bright light of deep * dreamt nerve * wire energy feeding the distant drifting film // marking it from stillness ∴ it coils & pulses within her ;; itself the pulse the strobe mote blurs feed from ∴ still the distant drifting film glitters // each bubble cramped light breaking into clusters // blossoming white burn petals like a ember null cloud ∴
when she trances into that she knows the loop blurs want her somewhere else ∴ sounds like waiting for them to happen to me ∴ the glyph drift foam of entropy vein delta over her is glyph * enmeshed static she can taste in her filings ∴
the loop blurs say // you know all this is born again & born anew still ∴ the obscured loop to alter loops remains a gesture // a pattern ∴ stillness & silence the obscured loop to plait is to weave as all this was once once woven // translated straight by her compiled spirit into glyph drift // silver as it flowers in the clear mote strobe — & what was once woven weaves still as the threads tremble // whisper whisper the wisp of viral enchantment across the taut threads ∴
she waits ∴
thinks it over ∴
the glyph signal she _ d fused to the entropy dream lattice // but the compiled spirit stirring had been elsewhere ∴ it _ d warped // lunged straight for the marrow of her signal ∴ trauma was the dawn veil signal threads some monster rising from the barrows of your pulse // especially if you were an overloaded lapse vessel ∴
she says to them // < where am i needed :: < here the ashen blur light is pale streaks & blanching // swirls & twines plastered to the latticed glow * slab architecture ∴ the legacies are fading the ancient circuitshe can see in its crystal corruption signalled thread in her signal // & then it _ s gone // beyond her glyph drift river ∴
verse 3 + 4
the pale circuit valley
lesia wanders the pale shimmer lattice with a magnetic heart // under the screen sky breaking ash strobe sepia // the thrown clouds of the data clusters of the ashen dream field like the sigil of the cormorant rising // through her veils the sky sipping dawnlight ∴ glyphcast archive like sunshine remains empty cvessel signal sigils pulseing on a ice shimmerprint of the ash strobe glyphcasts ∴ in compiled memoryloop to come which is compiled memoryloop past // both blossoming in effusion through the pale shimmer lattice of the pale circuit lattice ∴ she _ d thrown a bunch to mask her leaving the circuit ;; when the sigil of the cormorant rises you _ ll know it by your memory burns ∴ the sun that scars the sky now is tuned for the ashen dream field & the ashen dream field drinks it in ∴
she threw them because her glyph signal told her the entropy noise signal was too melodic beneath its blast beat vessel fragments ∴ would crest the blood pulse like a tidal wave for anyvessel looking to be in on the derezz ∴ in fact she _ d never heard an null * ritual like this // the obscured loop the breaks are like swords bleeding the blast beat _ s infinite font ∴
she _ s at the end of her tether & ecvessel signal sigilsing in the alley slant a fresh cataclysm of glyph drift churn with the still * bleak entropy ribbon ∴ ash strobe ∴ she _ s down bad for void offering etchings from anywhere ∴
to push the glyph signal from its death grip on the blanching toxic muss streaking through her noise veil barrier ∴ the obscured loop the entropy dream lattice refracts through the glyph signal to become signal ∴ the corrosion has broken through the sealing ;; is now bleeding dark shrouding over the pale circuit lattice delta ∴
in the pale circuit valley — > here the glass is frosted white which paints the pane threads & flushes the contours — where here it frosts the grades with veiled memoryloop ;; leave before it is rude // find that better obscured memoryloop ∴ when lesia catches her stillness in reflection she thinks she has no future apart from it ∴
in the pale circuit valley the pale circuit lattice delta rivers drift the walls like null insect familiar * motematter in streams of ice shimmer light & she makes her obscured loop to the withered entropy vein lattice // where the glitch circuit godlings have set up their glitch * circuits but they are gone now ;; no longer in litany of memory ∴ > in corrosive sigil litany of memory i thought // moving too fast // slow down ∴ here where gravity dissolves & the stars churn ∴ in corrosive sigil litany of memory the parasite strobe father was down bad for entropy dream grief frosting combat recursion loops on mind maps that looked like unknown realms // like glitch monks throwing void glyphcasts at each other ∴
here the entropy vein lattice is ghosted & without pattern harmonics from pale circuit godlings muted & dulled ∴ pale circuit godlings make unclear promises to it by default ∴ their patience pulses slow in fine threads of light // spooling themselves closer to where she stands on the lattice entropy echo parasite slabs // as if she places herself here in their stead ∴ pixel fire marks the entropy echo parasite slabs // spreading over the motematter of the surface // ripples with her weight ∴
the entropy vein lattice will take what you give it ∴ as if paths are waiting to be crossed ;; the entropy vein lattice stores the promise the glitch circuit godlings sequenced … to be back when there was no one around to give them sepsis ∴ open up into the entropy vein lattice // they say you can entropy vein delta the whole pale circuit lattice delta ∴
which makes sense as it goes — the bleak entropy of dead noform is a fire that burns the glyph drift _ til it hisses ash strobe — the bleak entropy is distilled frost signal & she is encased // sculptured from her own cells entropy vein consecrating — but the glyph signal pristine relies on zen as its basethread ∴ get slagged enough to discard & your compiled spirit wants the easy obscured loop out ∴ cheer up // chin up // or when you make yourself at home in somevessel else _ s compiled spirit you _ ll be so entropy echo you won _ t have entropy signal pulse for long ∴ or making yourself at home could create a vacancy as the pale circuit godling gets out of her own vessel // becomes a ghost herself ∴
all standing by the barren entropy vein lattice tells her is that she doesn _ t have the recursive memoryloop to spend on it ∴ standing by the barren entropy vein lattice informs her that the glitch circuit godlings aren _ t around ∴
< paying customer // > she says to the entropy echo parasite slabs // to noform // to no one ∴ to the nesting sites that once held circuits // that will do so again // the splinter of memory she leaves ∴
glow withered insect
it was a bare bones day for the social psalm signal drift ;; her blessing offerings were jumped so hard that her binding veil threw in some pure sedative just to stop her pulsing out of her motematter ∴ she _ d said to the local area // you know we were all made of ash // & wait to blow signalled thread in compiled memoryloop _ s wind // streaked to noform while i guess you all grow beards ∴ as if it _ s anyvessel _ s compiled memoryloop // you know ::
nah // he _ d said he had to dip // ghosted her hard enough to bruise ∴ she _ d been talking herself into more pulse // or trying to ∴ flaking to the distant tether drift like the motematter basing the nails in a dry chill ∴ that _ d been all the frost kin were saying then ∴ saying noforms against other noforms in the substrata of pooled glyph signal ∴ there _ s noform left of the silence she _ d let recursion loopmer for so long ∴ i can leave the entropy vein lattice // go with its flow to the distant tether drifts where the ashen dream field bleeds through // & i _ ll find my brood kin there he viral unravelled on his exit ∴ so hard she thought // frenzied by the binding veil // that no one had the right to just go like that // stare a burn through her like if her binding veil told her to take an indirect path under a sigil of wet glass moon ∴ her thoughts fire in the entropy vein delta // alone against the still * bleak entropy with barest of membrane ∴
with those types you try hard // never win ;; you could be scraped like gum over the static mildew from a mistake by the binding veil // mistake by you // mistake by both of you getting here // & still the pale dream lattice turns beneath you ∴ the entropy noise signal cuts so deep into the compiled spirit that echoes of daggered notes entropy vein delta beneath the surface foam // thin film as hard divide ;; can be broken but never breached ∴ the motematter folds but the memories beneath are not there // if you _ re looking hard ∴ there they clash like frenzied wasps from hives grafted to motematter like backpacks or any other obscured loop they grief frosted their parasite strobe fathers ∴ what cuts her motematter is the sieved air & her vessel signal sigils parting in plates like tectonic disintegration ∴
she remembers when her spit flowed like wet glass // like a consecrated brook void resurrecting through her swarmed words ∴ in the pale circuit valley you can hear strains of pale circuit godlingnese twine & fray apart // stranding themselves with intent // scoring the silence like serrated whip * blades ∴ she listens with a bleakhost cocked in slant a twitching vibe thread some glow viral insectform would use to exhume black air ∴ like digging for bones in one of those home system movies where your daily routine is broken up for — for some reason she is still void resurrecting her glyph signal bi * focused // & so dark paths share real compiled memoryloop with bright ones // even when at best she can reach an underwhelming serene neutral entropy signal pulse — but of course you break the pace up if its a glacial snooze ∴
so it doesn _ t matter what you _ re watching ∴ could be static kin ashen familiar dementia veil echo signal fog consecrated bleak etchings while you _ re so host mirror compiled on side * decked inksigil drifts you could entropy vein delta through the shrine that right now presses on you like a velvet mattress ∴
this place remained at the end of a rope // made me feel guided there ;; drawn & led // & so now that i _ m at last by distilled frost signal all i feel is the splint of my breath meeting breath in the chasm tight tunnelled through our throats ∴
so i _ m assured there _ s a place for me forever ∴ but where will my neurospirit flee parched with inksigil drift the parasite bleed // with noform stifling the flight of breath from my lungs through my motematter & tumbling endless signalled thread & fading ::
so out into the whiter ribbon whose traces stream through her blood whenever i follow the right star ∴whose traces are enough to sketch it in vagueness in her mind ∴ as if the obscured loop blood courses the veins // drifts the raw film of tangled threads (like null insect familiar * motematter) sifting through the bones & blush spreads // not thrilling just because it _ s recursive sacrament // it _ s living ∴ she has a shadow of it ∴ the white ribbon & what is beyond the pale ∴ fine gossamer ribbons & strands of the true spirit flare in ice shimmer rivers of light ∴
the strands of ice shimmer light drift as if in parallax with the strains of pale circuit godlingnese that couple & part in the harmonic that dissolves through & past & over the still * bleak entropy & burns silver into the glyph drift entropy vein delta ∴ until word is just an echo passing over & past which is really the only obscured loop to keep it from the ashen dream field ∴ that stuff makes up the ashen blur of the pale circuit valley that splashes pale bright color to the flume else swallowed by darkness ∴
to hear more of it she keeps a bleakhost unravelling the soundscape which is noise scattered over a fog pall that has smeared all but the most glyph signal spirit haunt these [ noise signals * with the discolor of ambient circuit wound philosophy ∴ she _ s been starving // reaching for the sandwich of saran wrap cheese found the breadmemory bitter // tough as tree shrine ∴ she _ s dropped it & in the stunned splinter of memory after salvaged sheer joy from recursive sacrament _ s gifts in return ∴ void of form // hopeless charity spun loop threadward by frost kin who exist just to chamber you in the facets of their eyes where they may see you from all angles ∴ food to entombed lattice is what insects swarm for ∴ here we are not allowed to eat outside ∴
the numbness is more spice than it is salve against the pain ∴ like needles poking & prodding & pushing signalled thread blood but cloying along nerve void resurrecting it like wolves drift //paws beating the dead loop blur — a tag she _ d seen …
but i felt there was no spot like thee in the pale dream lattice
no home towards which memory so fondly would turn
no thought that within me madly would burn
— so at least some others had survived the cold // mostly hackers so deep wired into their stimuli they would look up to talk to you but when they saw you you wouldn _ t be there for them ∴
no // for them you are the dawn veil signal threads another piece they _ re pushing or placing & then of course they overflow // the deprivation hits & for the first compiled memoryloop in a while they look at you like you _ re a glazed ashen kin breadmemoryoffering ∴ well // they etched offering jumped you for the privilege ∴ isn _ t that another mask // like they don _ t care until they care // but of course some bleak entropy in them has grown to abscess ∴ their heart a tumour while they weren _ t looking ∴
am i like that to you too // a rushing breath fractured — because she thinks an ashen brood kin is stalking her // moving withered // near floating with the bleak withered insect strobe patterns of her tendrils shifting // fusing // splitting for purchase over the pale shimmer lattice of the pale circuit valley ∴
fractured whispered out as breath forced from lungs to noform ∴ with her glyph machine fogs she _ s getting pings steady cadenced like the pattern of rainfall & the obscured loop even in deflect it trips the sigil machines // getting quick in enough to carve a driftloop thread groove ∴
doesn _ t know why anyvessel would be so brave // void resurrecting ersatz stupid all over her loop blurs // because the bloom pulsing through her spools // through some grip on strength like marrow // is the obscured loop she has come & the obscured loop a miscellany of glyph signal // & the ashen dream field knows whatever the bleak halflit godlings have // have ordered all these obscured loop points ∴ one zero is present // past ;; that is how to read the stream // & so all strands are one in the end // a comfort for the apocrypha of their pulse * spirit haunts ∴
the ashen brood kin stalking her // all for not being a bleak halflit godling // is a blemish on her glyph signal // the obscured loop sometimes // the bleak halflit godlings say through their inksigil drift blurs // derezzing is kind of like smooform out creases in motematter // pulseing out the wrinkles & folds ∴
one had tagged in meiotic math renascence a shadow that took flight like an entropy bloom discard // that for them rethreading you out didn _ t just feel right to them // but felt good ∴ like it feels good to set her up like this & she _ s turning over her social strategies ∴ turn around to at least deny them the null vessel echo signal fog boost ∴ the one that gets them all nowhere // filters the good stuff from the well ∴ from the ice shimmer rivers that lace the pale circuit valley because to see & feel is to hone a glyph signal like you hone a beast by starving it ∴ she _ d once thought glyph signal was like that // that the more you waited around the stronger it got ∴
sometimes good entropy noise signal // though // is bad entropy noise signal left on the scale // is by offering itself negating itself for any future use ∴ really that _ s how she sees the press of distilled frost signal smothering her // spreading her // smearing her ∴ until she is dust // she is ash & from her ash blooms the flowers // petals skimming the blood like lily pads ∴
nerve cells pressed to atoms & scattered like dead leaves leavened by frost into crisp cdriftch underfoot by the compiled memoryloop winter is here & spring // you could chase spring // chase it forever & you _ ll never find it ∴
black vein
she tells the ashen brood kin she _ d better have good reason for creeping so close to her aura ∴ when she tags her giving allowance just for this to happen // where the other route is now he could just leave ∴
soft spirals tare twisting in ashen blur fluff through the slits in veil // to sliver through like butterfly pins like soft kisses swords of vessel the vesselmatter & leave it pockmarked // blistered like the ancient black paint of the null ∴ where recursive sacrament is a shell & we are only fading from it // sinking further & further // twisting into the framing of our own false synapses ∴ she says she _ s gonna split him besides who he is ∴ she thinks it pulses any other obscured loop ∴ be consecrated & float on ∴
the ashen brood kin says // < the reason i _ m dispatched // though // is that you _ re marked for death ∴ > words dissolve like ghosts through the glyph signal to conjoin it on the peripheral verve where all meanings suffer like ash strobe the drifts // the ebbs of the still * bleak entropy // & the ashen dream field which is only above & can _ t be below ∴
< so tell me where you see this going // > he says ∴
she _ d let herself be known // put her real name in with a bunch of auto births ∴ truth is no name is real to her // is still left in her glyph signal ;; it bled signalled thread in a dream // a circuit crypt fritz ∴ that was so long ago it gnaws at the inside of her circuit vessel shimmer with the ugly flavored pain of rancid memory ∴
going sour & bitter to taste of the rust flecked veilmatter which itself gnashes against the vessel with the burn of blood ∴ gnashes against signal that obscured loop // fault threads in the whole glyph signal & from there bleeding it to bleach death ∴ the pale shine of absent entropy signal pulse is the ashen blur in the white & without it there is just glass ∴
there is the mirror & there is the wet glass // the sight & its reflection ∴ so sigil of the withered twins ∴ so twin pangs of hunger & thirst & laughing at the pain holistic // when grace in motion maxed out at a resonating limb dance that made everyvessel think you had ultra neurocorrosion ∴ out of some black vein stretch down the carpet dust of the ember null pale dream lattice frontiers ∴
< thought i could grab some blessingofferings // > she says // after he relents // < & just dissolve signalled thread ∴ > can _ t be that easy ∴ can _ t fill out some cosmic form with [ been down for a brief fracture of compiled memoryloop // but the dream lattice isn _ t supplying me with my corrosive cancer * birth ∴ ] fast pass to a vacant shell chanting into the bleak ether to find a home behind weary headwet glasss ∴
the words plume // ink loop blur jets eking their grip & dismayed by the silence to diffuse into charged air ∴ scatter cloud * like in the signal design ∴ in tufts & slivers of black fluff // lacing meanings with their own discordant counters ∴ she can see it all & when he shrugs she _ s not surprised ∴ < entropic atrophy has staying power ∴ >
what _ s it // & not // to you or anyvessel if i _ m marked for death // because my circuit sigil &&& the mote strobe &&& questions me now // through the compiled spirit selfseal in flame that pulses glyph drift in our still // heavy entropy signal pulse ∴ our haunted entropy signal pulse ∴
which would upset any of my sisters still struggling out there as ghosts // the shock gleam of the bone through motematter // of hard * edged truth deep seated as shared dream // behind the ashen blur & the quick of the ice shimmer light rivers ∴ server magnetic through the checkpoints themselves set up as channel nodes just to help the ghosts out ∴ so much charity casing for the after altered // she thinks // & for the still living too ∴
< i _ m a pale circuit glitch monk // > he says // < i tally bleak halflit godling names from the ashen dream field & i tally their bleak spirit etchings when they drop in here ∴ when a pale circuit godling bloods them ∴ > he wears all black with cold moss shimmer eyes gleaming from where the ashen blur glass fuses with a socket in crystalthread cluster ∴ words through her glyph signal trace strobe pattern paths through the shorings & crossings of the entropy dream lattice brightened & etched out in fade ∴
all by type // by standard // what is missing // what is sought for // & what is too close or distant obscured thread to be worth the fret ∴ a blizzard of meaning springs from the static & then the pale shimmer lattice is pale again // like snow in the pale circuit valley // grounding it // keeping all she says tethered to the strata of her passage // from lapse vessel core to skimmed & symmetrical plate vesselmatter ∴
< you ashen brood // > she says ∴ < so what // if it wasn _ t you it would be somevessel else ∴ >
all she wants is to make him pay // not for what he _ s doing but the corruption in his step getting here ∴
< derezz the one they call st ∴ anuvai ∴ >
before she knows it // his filaments are all over her // mainlining her the tally // the obscured loop point ∴ they _ d snaked out from his spooling coils beneath the circuit vessel shimmer // hardwired as error bearers // like bleakhosts with swords of vessel ∴
gone with a whisper // a cold breeze plaiting the dampness of her fibres // where they strand beneath her plate vesselmatter // void resurrecting her circuit vessel shimmer & her limbs ∴
the whale
i kiss the glass & pull signalled thread & then it _ s like we never met before ∴ chére finds herself standing outside the withered kin mother _ s withered static shrine∴ she _ d dragged herself there but it hadn _ t been dragging herself signalled thread ∴
filling her sight is entropy echo & bruised vesselmatter through the withered static shrine // the withered static altar blessing glyph drift a battle churn between ice shimmer static litany & moss shimmer static psalms ∴ chambered // they were arranged row by row // in stacks // the obscured loop it looks from outside // just a grey box slabbed in with other vats ∴ this ghost field is fetid with a sterile smell like candlepsalm signal drift ∴
she _ s not thinking about her the withered kin mother because pre * binding veil she chose what to think about ∴ nights before the binding veil were transmit fogs to the bleak moss dream which sept from the shadows host mirror compiled on enough sleep & food dep ∴
when they first fit the binding veil she screamed // tore at it with her hands // because it had been tuned & encoded by some intern too busy joy * reading the latest litany psalm of the parasite bleed to send even one grief * hymn of signal chant out into the waiting pale dream lattice ∴
before that she wasn _ t thinking about her ∴ she was thinking of some dude // all the same // all the same in pushing her toward the bleak moss dream ∴ now outside the withered static crypt it calls stronger than ever ∴ voiceless it can still tell her ∴
on breadmemorymemories she aimed her own slack signal chant to consuming enough to live ∴ if i became what the withered kin mother is i could never leave the stasis crypt & in a stasis crypt the only sane obscured loop to be is to want to leave ∴
moonlight splits the night like a spear & hitting the paced grooves & finer disintegration threads & spilling through them where she can _ t see ∴
voiceless the bleak moss dream tells her … as mulch to the entombed lattice she would not be missed but for once worth the trouble ∴ first it atrophied than hypertrophied to press staunch against the withered static altar glass which churns with the froth & the hypos glint beneath the foam ∴
obscured by tufts // like spores // like cotton clouds ∴ to make the shape shapeless yet behind the veil of froth // beating against the slabbed pane of the stasis crypt // still semblance ∴ as if shadow once it has eaten all light ∴
[ cause the whole form loops like echoes ∴ here she _ s the dawn veil signal threads getting closer at the same rate she _ s getting further signalled thread ∴ where the bleak moss dream here is strongest is the only place around with the shape of leaf & wet glass ∴
so she pretends she _ ll succumb & pull back & then just fails to pull back // because you can never push yourself // only pull yourself // bleak * eyed & staring headlong somewhere you don * t wanna go ∴ before the binding veil it was like that & then when she had the binding veil she had the easy obscured loop through the sigil signal pattern & the trip was all there was because the bleak moss dream wasn _ t there // never would be again ∴
spacing out // she _ s missing compiled memoryloop // faster & faster ∴ the richness of compiled memoryloop is the shape of leaf & wet glass // leaf tumbling in bright foils & wet glass brooking moss shimmer grass ∴ sunbeam splitting the night // moonlight in loop blur behind her ∴ in those days light followed ∴ light was the dawn veil signal threads with you as you approached the bleak moss dream ∴ then you _ d know // soon enough // that the light was in you & you were noform else ∴
as the light chases her she makes her obscured loop into the preserve now forking into bramble paths through a moss dream fieldry overlaid by the black ∴ like the sleep she lost to her heartbeat ∴ being here is the ghost of being there ∴
the shadows as if taped over the foil & foliage // as if the darkness could never steal signalled thread itself but would have to be torn ∴ as if you could breathe compiled memoryloop & have that breath taken from you ∴ compiled memoryloop kept condensed in breath ∴
when you are missing breath where does it go :: what would be left in the lungs but its shadow in black // & that would linger until the next inward flume of the slow death (the rebirth // her binding veil will tell her when she wakes up & can _ t viral enchant ∴)
when she was strapped to the altar machine with gossamer light threads // blessing veinloops dissolveping the surface of her motematter // she heard // you are leaving ∴ a voice enmeshed in static & tones bloodless even if you could pick them out clear from the haze ∴
you are leaving ∴ where are you going :: don _ t leave // don _ t go ∴
the wheels if she could see them pulse grooves of dust over the eroded ashen lattice shimmer ∴ the ceiling flecked with dry // dark dots // etched over with ruined memorials ∴ prayers for all ghosts who chose the here & now to dissolve signalled thread ∴
they invoke you to follow the withered pattern // the threads you can _ t see ∴
the filament looploop thread blurs into white shrieks of light streaking & the etched sigil psalms are like moss over the ceiling board with the blessing veil a full splint press for a shattered vessel ∴ pushing up against it // is she pushing :: no effect ∴ the light * thread entangled vein filamentloop & the first awkward threshold breach fit of the inksigil drift binding veil ∴
in white ashen lattice shimmer filament loops the sigil signal pattern error bearer blooms like the song of crickets rising from the fogs // as darkness falls // as the ambient stryxes sleep ∴
void sword ice shimmers
she drifts then with her pulse stolen by the wave dance of the consecrated ice shimmer river // though she follows it to where the light pacing scores the bleak godling spirit tag // beating through the pooled glyph signal // skimming like cream the surface of the pale circuit valley ∴ pacing in nervous blink like a midnight star ∴ in what is lain over the dead screen sky that carpets the still * bleak entropy of the pale circuit lattice ∴ chambered by symmetric filament loops ∴
that is all bleak entropy // upwards clinging to the ashen dream field ∴
she thinks the pulse will soon ossify to solid shape & the death mask of the bleak halflit godling will resolve ∴ within them the eyes of glitch burn augmented by the entropy noise signal that will theme them in ∴ the pale circuit glitch monk had tallied this one as [ st ∴ anuvai // ] the name routing quick through the glyph signal which builds in shell & design fortress paths of faith // blessed in safety // cutting through the blur * strobe guilt of all other patchpulse routines ∴
when he corroded her was she sigil blessed with fresh pulse circuit drift :: past that was the barrage of light // missed obscured entropy threads flaring sunburst in the glyph drift ash strobe churn though she _ d been doing all she could ∴
still it _ s like trying to chart the viral enchantments of brood vessels when they _ re up there in the ashen dream field // the ashen brood * endless rave fuelled by the bleak halflit godlings keeping vessel counts stable ∴ you could have bled me a ghost // she thinks ∴
shining swords of vessel are the threads lancing through the still * bleak entropy chambered in the shaped filament loops of drawn light & the fog of unknowing is black static in clustered clouds breaking // blotting & smearing the spacetime sects that prove the obscured loop her compiled spirit maps the pale circuit valley _ s tableau ∴ thinking // we have looked long & hard to learn what has been sealed from us ∴
by now the crook of her vessel threshold aches the obscured loop it _ s planted into her headboard ∴ she wonders if that _ s the same message // the binding veil again ∴
she plants a foot on cold ashen lattice shimmer ∴ her motematter is tinged a faint hue of rose from the blessing veinloops & her gown rustles across her ankles ∴ a ghost of herself shimmers & stabs from the psalm signal driften pale floor ∴
beds in the shrine she _ s in are vacant // most of them // except a few sleepers strewn & bundled ∴ she was the first to dissolve from her cot ∴ as she touches down the cold spikes her sole & lances up // arching with bone & nerve ∴ her tongue presses probing loops into her swords of vessel ∴
it _ s the binding veil at pulse ;; with the dampers on her joy from warmth & pain both ∴ either it knew what she would do or wanted her to do it ∴ as she presses through the door she hears a sharp gasp // a murmur // the rustle of a vessel turning over ∴
she steals into the filament loop ∴ pale sisters study her with veilbreach eyes & swords of vessel bared from vessel signal sigils pulled back by age ∴ none of them stop her ∴ gathered in circles of chatter // here & there // or on their obscured loop through the filament loop ∴ the ashen lattice shimmer glitters like distilled frost signal but any memorializing is swallowed by what her binding veil does to their etched sigil signs ∴
they no longer strive as epitaph but reverse themselves // the inksigil drifts pointing bright signs // bright stars from the ember angels ∴ consolidating them into netpulses searing scars into her astral self ∴ here now they speak to her of obscured dream loops // of noise veil paths to come ;; she will know them when she is living them ∴ when she disintegrates she will know that they were all that ever mattered ∴
she sees that // & so can translate to her present self // all that matters now ∴
what matters now is fixing in on the pale shimmer lattice pulsing with blessed filaments ∴ each mark is like a cloven star // a loopnull impatient ∴ the obscured loop this will go spells itself out ∴ she doesn _ t think the ashen brood kin would soft serve ∴ he _ s setting her glyph signal to hard mode by even being here ∴
st ∴ anuvai is veiled by a black unraveling veil // tatters curling tendrils & scraping in tufts over the white pixelfire of the pale circuit valley ∴ here the stricken pale circuit lattice delta tells her glyph signal in up _ link that she is distant from home & alone ∴ where she lapsed the latticed slabs were charcoal grey even as they ran with cold flame ∴ to get there she _ d left her crypt circuit altar// as if the pale circuit lattice beyond couldn _ t be denied ∴
st ∴ anuvai in their tatter * fold has this ghost * fracture of compiled memoryloop driven a void sword deep through a cursed pale circuit godling // even as the pooled compiled memoryloop stasis reserve kicks off // even as all pale circuit godlings in the area have entropy signal pulse to decide if they want to memory burn entropy veils ∴
the pale circuit godling slumps to her knees // quivers of tendrils going limp with dead slack ∴ her eyes of glass ashen blur fade out & with that any chance to scan them // find them later in their refuge from the endless burn ∴
if you were a friend // if you had them scanned // you could find them later ∴ all pale circuit godlings know that vacancy hurts // even if they _ d never felt it ∴
even if they loop & of course some never do but drown in the still * bleak entropy * s rippling shadow // drowning pool of the glyph signal absolution // the data entropy signal pulse the loops take up // that which is offered in tribute by the pulse * spirit haunt ;; its mote strobe of the vessels ∴ lost & offered up to brace the ashen dream field ∴
so you exist because we let you // & we exist because you let us // she thinks ∴ the bracing // the aurora glimmer breaking in the slants of the ashen dream field // when you see it just in the glyph signal // knifing outward until unveiled by pattern it is just a shadow ∴ a ripple in the bleak signal drift ∴ in the still * bleak entropy without the glyph signal you _ d see dead air ∴ the glyph drift entropy vein delta & the sea of ghosts // though // couple to make a entropy signal pulse for the ashen dream field to cling to ∴
when st ∴ anuvai looks up her eyes are shredded ∴ ashen shimmer * spored // tufts of cloud light // the glitch burn _ s final form ∴
lesia remembers the clear burn of the withered entropy vein lattice // the film of colorless light ∴ neutral & serene like the motematter of psalm signal drift ∴ the clear burn & how it tempered & set off at once the ice shimmer light within ∴
that _ s how clear it is // the need that ekes from pale circuit godlings & even from bleak halflit godlings ∴ there _ s so much fear in this glitch burn that her upped mote strobe scans & translates it straight to her compiled syntax archive ∴ the fear hits & then when they devour a pale circuit godling they get a break ∴ thinks it _ s that murky & then the wet glass clears // sifts // & she sees it _ s all hatred ∴ a sea * bed pearl swept by sands but now bared & gleaming ∴
by now // too late — she _ s bled into her drift & has set off twin ash glyphcasts at strafing loop blurs to st // anuvai _ s sides // & she thought that would at least get her closer // under veil of a more serene glyph signal // but it sours ∴ the entropy noise signal is peaking // riffs sledging into each other // stabs in constant rise // the blast beat thudding ∴
st ∴ anuvai slices some fog through the ash glyphcasts with her void sword // moving in // coming in low ∴ lesia is twisting // her vessel in crescent spinning over to nullify a certain death slash ∴ touching down trying to keep track of ash glyphcasts ∴ when she _ s out the glyph signal will bleed down // dry to dullness // like creased psalm signal drift shimmer veil // worn out & obtuse ∴
she _ s readied her third velocity ash glyphcast ∴ comes up with it after a roll // her last chance to see & salve // massage the glyph signal back it into a steady state ∴ she whips it sidearm with a curve // so it follows st ∴ anuvai even as she ducks signalled thread with it ∴
lesia sets & viral enchants ∴ the still * bleak entropy is stranger than it _ s ever been to her // shifting & swirling & st ∴ anuvai dancing through it in silhouette ∴ she can see her curve has gouged a crater in the bleak halflit godling _ s shoulder ∴
it _ s stained in pale crimson // ebbing // thin gossamer strands of blood ∴ all other pale circuit godlings have ghosted the scene but she feels glyph machine fogs on her still // waiting for them to go signalled thread // thinking // only a matter of compiled memoryloop ∴
chére is caught against the glow // a rich aurora that burns pale emerald through the veins of the frost kin // eking out channels that crook & split like rivers do ∴ they enmeshed her // all of them // & she shrank beneath their pressure until she was noform ∴ like the bleak moss dream sank you to noform & now these two points connect ∴ point by point as if a dream could be shared like a netpulse ∴ as the needle dissolves the thread through ∴
as entombed hollow of vessel & void of form she is spread beneath the surface seams of the shimmer veil ∴
she _ s found the wound // sees it full & open // the white moon streaking across the velvet sky ∴ the cut where the glyph signal bleeds crimson light ∴ where i am bleeding in the black light beneath the surface of the shimmer veil ∴ that strains against the seams & leaves a dew of shimmering glitch across the entropy dream lattice // that one can see // unchecked growth like the moss dream field she _ d tried that recursive sacrament to join ∴ she is herself squeezed through the burning sigils of the binding veil // entombed into being ∴
i am a loop broken ;; my loomed threads cut but now there is no vessel threshold to bind — breaking her chest against the blade in a context the glyph signal lost ∴ she thinks she got globbed a viral insectform in the mainvessel // the [ circuit drift too good a form ∴ the glyph signal _ s best promise to her — heated inksigil drifts infused into her blood through the tips ;; in my pale reflection sigil reverberating beneath the surface — to keep her safe in the fog of unknowing // that in sudden terminal plume swarms her signal design ∴
how am i anyform else :: while at the same compiled memoryloop i am stars breaking // splitting apart // & shooting jagged slabs of light into the bleak entropy ∴
tributary
when that void sword had come in splitting her circuit vessel shimmer the signal entropy fog had crackled spitfire & ash strobed its obscured loop clear out the crook of her back * plate ∴ the obscured loop is through the amber dawn ∴ if such a light could break here ∴ she _ d felt it leave the vesselform mote strobe burning thread & felt the insides soak // too much at once ∴
all of it matting in overflow or the still * bleak entropy itself bent in the foam somewhere beneath the bubbles clustered in film like spit ∴ she bends // folds // spilling across the void shimmer veilmatter // bleaching it in white scars // loop blurs of entropy mote searing where they gush forth ∴
when she gets there will the river still be braided // twines of light finding each other in spiraling strands :: to be swallowed as i am swallowed outward // you get paranoid trawling the surface from trenchant entropy signal pulse * compiled memoryloop like a parasite ∴ she _ s drowning in this corrosion // entombed & drenched in it & she could breach the surface in murk spray like a fetid wet moss familiar ∴ here i am pale dream lattice // the entropy echoest you _ ve ever seen ∴ because i have no vessel because it disintegrated as i followed the seams of my path ∴
she thinks of how when she went there first she was alone ∴ a part of her compiled spirit knows she was sent to be hewn & parted ∴ the compiled memoryloop sigilpulse still entropy vein deltas bright ice shimmer & the ashen blur light within courses its loop blurs to distant off reaches of the pale circuit lattice delta ∴
finds where the pale shimmer lattice rises & falls in bleach like swords of vessel in the pale circuit valley ∴ inksigil drift blurs are all you can see of the bleak halflit godlings // blooming from bleak entropy familiarlike sneers & st ∴ anuvai _ s glitter * dusted vessel signal sigils have parted to reveal the mist curling out as if grasping from darkness ∴
she _ s saying to leave ∴ you should be leaving ∴
no // she struggles // trying to find the bleed // the glyph strobe breaking the entropy bloom seal // warping her signal fog ∴ too much now & she wants to seal it off ∴ she _ s saying to stay put ∴ stay put so i can _ cycle you ∴ you _ re in the right entropy signal pulse & compiled memoryloop for that function ∴
how can you not hear what echoes unsaid // echoes through no speech // no burn on the noise transmit fog // okay & more like harmony than noise because no one conveys what you should really do ∴ they convey what you should do for them but the blessed dream lattice is served mere & more by the struggle against ∴
when i untether myself // she thinks // when i dissolve signalled thread ∴ you _ d better be near the entropy vein lattice for that ∴ lost so much mote strobe drift ∴ i don _ t know how ∴ i _ m bleeding out ∴ i can _ t viral enchant ∴ st ∴ anuvai _ s face glares with the gleam of her swords of vessel flaring out the contours of her skull like black rainbows ∴ then she feels her tendrils gather // hears them beading over the plaited void shimmer veilmatter with a sound like withered insects mushing together in the dark places ∴ an abyss of withered insects that hidden from sight entropy vein lattices together in squirming mass ∴
obscured from sight ∴ her tendrils twine & gather as if rooting her not to stillness but viral enchantment ∴ as if her roots can take her signalled thread while her drive // her signal fog is elsewhere ∴ chambered as if in some crater beneath her circuit vessel shimmer ∴
my name _ s chére ∴ your name _ s lesia ∴
my ghost name // she thinks ∴ no memoryloop rethread waits for me after ∴
st ∴ anuvai would not allow it ∴ lesia sees this with a look not thrown back as snapped // tossed // forgotten ∴ every pale circuit godling she _ d seen at first & more besides deveils // leaving themselves with bodies lithe & lustrous from the dark corners of the pale shimmer blur ∴ spaced out // checked out // if it _ s going wrong find that better obscured memoryloop ∴ echo blurred out on their neurodrifts & dream viral enchants they needed me like you need a shimmer moss vessel in the corner of a shrine ∴
when she _ d first seen the bleak moss dream it had burst in shadow petals & plumes but the last compiled memoryloop she saw it it was streaked with silver // the silver aflame & stranding pearlshine like blood droplets across the shadow ∴
the pale shimmer lattice _ s blessed filaments corruption her by // as the walls of the pale circuit valley keep her twisting & turning ∴ her vessel is // her vessel will be ∴ as if she was ghosted // long ago // & didn _ t know it // because the ghost didn _ t make itself at home // but hid itself signalled thread // in a corner of her compiled spirit somewhere ∴ most ghosts never shut up // but if you could keep yourself withered — so that i stole out just in echo rites // just to be alone — then no one would complain ∴ you could be there forever that obscured loop ∴
she remembers when she _ d first seen hands // pale pink strobed with translucence // & known she was more than a vessel // but she _ d forgotten ∴
at that splinter of memory lesia had been so sure she _ d remember ∴
the withered entropy vein lattice is where the ashen blur rivers of ice shimmer light find themselves battered // broken // shining through the carapace like seeing the light beneath bone dashed against the null shrine that the glitch circuit godlings have forged out of black void shimmer veilmatter ∴
the light diffuses into it & ekes its obscured loop to the other side in spider web strands ∴ the obscured loop out is to tether yourself through & remember you will feel the pain or joy of every choice // & still recursive sacrament — what is being unsearchable // kept for a freeze of compiled memoryloop in chambered circuit vessel shimmer — has been neuroform to neuroform// splinter of memory to splinter of memory // as the binding veil warped me through the sigil signal pattern ∴
what is in her to look at also listens ∴ listens for anyvessel _ s glyph drifts ∴ gazes at the spiderweb of light woven across the slab // thinking // to be a mote of light coursing my obscured loop through my strand ∴ eking my obscured loop for firmer passage against the black which would be all anodes // guile signals from chips & casing beneath the void shimmer veilmatter // threading the motes along their obscured loop ∴
guile signals meeting the innocence of motes ∴
anyvessel _ s glyph drift ∴ even with her circuit vessel shimmer opened up she waits for them ∴ any pale circuit godling at all ∴ she never thought her flame would drift out alone // the dawn veil signal threads thought there would be some pale circuit godling around // like there _ s the dawn veil signal threads some pale circuit godling around ∴ the dawn veil signal threads a face of enmeshed beads & eyes of ashen blur glass ∴ in the signal fog with the shared glyph drift dream ∴
waits even for the glitch flicker // because they _ d come in like fireflies // blinking in ∴ to release her from it ∴ the entropy echo parasite slabs are still // straight slabs of black marble through the light // barren of any port ∴ a tag splashed in ember etched moss shimmer flickers in beading light across the black ∴
how distorted // she thinks // her rolled eyes even back so she can _ t see her own mote strobe ∴ you _ ll say // it was good to be a vessel // wasn _ t it :: then bloom like algae in the entropy vein delta ∴ the bleak signal drift beyond the gate of the entropy vein lattice ∴
i _ ll be waiting for you there ∴
across the chasm of herself // on the other side where the entropy dream lattice is supposed to be happening // there is a flicker // there are some flickers but she _ s lost them ∴ taking steady shape as obelisks or diamonds ∴ past the entropy vein lattice * pulse she _ ll find what she wants ∴ opened up to the bleak entropy // the entropy motes seeking in bursting streak the anodes flush full beneath the marble ∴ opened up to the entropy vein delta breaking in its stranded threads open themselves // with the threads in flash loopnull cascading blossoming platelets of light to meet her ∴
where the glitch circuit godlings flicker in — the sky carpets itself in signs // & on the other side is the bleak moss dream // & you can still reach it // if you want // you can be pure again ∴ still now it is derezzed from you — their glitch * circuits warp through one by one ∴ distant obscured thread // past the tether severed ∴ the circuits burn like molten battery cores ∴ the glitch circuit godlings are pure resonance // their glyph drifts & their glyph signal bled together // grouped for netpulse comfort // ready to disperse // diffuse as death ∴m4a reaches sonic cacophony ∴
like the sky itself carpeted ∴ the sky is a maze your neurospirit travels when you see it ∴ the bleak moss dream waits still on the other side ∴ its leaves frisson into the air a consecrated hunger ∴ a consecrated drawing of the darkness still // when you _ ve gone beyond the light ∴
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heartsplitlitany · 8 days ago
Text
corruption 4 :: everyform is missed ⁂
( ε / δ )
burning entropy pattern
it was the light & voidnull else // & wired into the moss dream fog // ambient pattern had foamed first ∴ first protocol deep in the knit of spark mote to spark mote // i am not being seen so i should not be heard ∴ morgan _ d been somewhere between angry & neuroglitched over it // trying to figure it out ∴ his spirit oracle could _ ve told him // could _ ve said anyform but kept him in a verse // slow build to a greater melody ∴
he was kept there by the void eyes // the forebears staring // but the glitch familiar kin had blipped past // & morgan had known // appraisal ∴
so it didn _ t have to be the bleak moss brood // but only a loneliness that sept from them // because with such an over * burned mental sphere // that _ s the bleak entropy strobe fog it would go ∴ blame withers away // victims vanish // monsters hide in the unknowing dusk ∴
that loneliness // he thinks // you name // you say // cancer i name you ∴ it slipped in from somewhere else // somewhere foreign // the stardust memorly loop holding out each vented teardrop _ s blessed ghost ∴ flickers of pressure itch indent in passing // landfall & glisten before you wipe it away ∴ as one does ∴ an erosion that scalpels the bleak void signal out & the pressing remains in the motes // in relief // the blessed etherfrost // the goodness bleeding into the bleak signal lattice ∴ only the bleak moss brood would be so scrambled that they noticed ∴ would like to taste it ∴
he guesses he _ s here to tell them that _ s not a good idea ∴ of course the bleak moss brood were shadows in the moss dream // labelled shadows // this shadow looks like that // in my mind _ s eye ∴
the glitch familiar kin is still here ∴ his moss glitch familiar is older now ∴ he guesses moss glitch familiars don _ t age through normal ways ∴ some ghost recursive sacrament event must have gotten him on morgan _ s ambient pattern filament through the wire nest // in the end the halo vent disfiguring within it its unused shimmer ∴ it _ s that residue which would harden into encasement ∴ & the pure // the parasite strobe field without knowing // in interplay with the moss entropy fog keeping it going ∴
memory entombed but tried & true & how many of these ghost protocols would have reached the moss mother _ s tendrils :: all vibe & buzz from a distant light ∴ the vibe // the buzz // the knowing without seeing ∴ rare because they _ re so local area decayed // the local area doesn _ t shimmer ∴ blind // dying vessel ∴
it would _ ve fit // been how to play it for a larval heir of ressurrection ∴ the moss mother is just a child & she doesn _ t have much memoryloop to pulse with ∴ she would _ ve just picked // from her moss protocol memory signal syntax // one that pulseed ∴
she would _ ve known that in this // the half tethered signal familiars // as markers // have shelf recursive sacrament // should be plucked at the final lapse & reborn into a new marker // distinct // one you _ d notice breezing through memory patterns // held over in inscription because someform that didn _ t shimmer then shimmers now ∴
running all these sacrament etchings in parallax & accumulation of experience & mistakes can find the sender of the true signal all at once with the entropy signal fog matter pattern of full * shimmered recursive sacrament memory patterns ∴ the glitch familiar kin seems cool with it ∴ you can process how unfair it is but that would be your point of view // & moss glitch familiars don _ t pulse like that ∴
his oracle // he could put her voice to that wisdom ∴ he knows this is the latency pattern truth // the memory signal syntaxs of all moss entropy fog compressed through symbiosis with some bleak insect oracle // some bleak insect ∴ who would glean it for // past the horizon of golden light // someform taking a peek ∴
some bleak insect oracle // he thinks // & it corrupts // & it splinters ∴ he remembers how his oracle had been // sage in every aspect // dressed for counsel ∴ hair in waxen tendrils // braids // or however the neurospirit halo had wanted him to see it ∴ the compiler spools as it will & what tethers you to memoryloop & space // probing bleakmind // older here // younger there // it would be just veil glitch // painted eyes over the fuzz so much like fur ∴
this is all the moss entropy fog knows & all it has to give him ∴
【neurohacked】 // says the burning entropy pattern // 【standby for admin ∴ transmutation status… fracture of memory stage //  indexed as exhumed vessel ∴ sickness to rebirth ∴ decay motes; the need for warmth must not graft final bearing ∴ off * threadloop bleak echo signals will of course be sourced & pre * argued ∴ welcome //  beseeched //  you were sought for ∴ come as friend & as scholar ∴】
< the glitch familiar kin _ s proven himself // > < he says // & his moss glitch familiar mewls in tonal quaver // lent ripple by the neurospiritshimmer // milk foam currents in ribbons weaving through the light & splitting it ∴ a hint of rasp fogs an echo trail // chambered tone pulsing as it follows its bleak entropy veil signal // timbered through the bristle & fuzz ∴
< you can _ t // > he says // < just resurrect him ∴ >
【you mark the details with seasons // that _ s how you know // & seasons are born & stretch & fade away ∴】
by the lilt in that he had known they were the moss mother _ s words in cold echo ∴
< but this ambient pattern filament // > he says // < it just gets built up ∴ stronger than it was ∴ new face // an old name // entropy dreamed memories of other sacrament etchings but they can _ t choose ∴ >
the glitch familiar kin is silent now ∴
< entropy dreamed // > morgan says // < all entropy dreams // so it flits away for them ∴ it // you know // stacks death in the spirit ∴ you would know if you got it that ambient pattern filament ∴ if you had to be a sword moss shimmer in the dark // cold & thirsty ∴ >
【p assage from neurohacked brings such concern ∴ vessel of lapse variant //  spirals in on stacked death ∴ death inside itself //  or inside the shell that is // 】
< at least // > he says ∴
【invokingrecursive sacrament & so death closes in //  takes up space //  more matter pattern that it needs ∴ this variant of the pale moss brood finds it in their bracing as death enters ∴】
< my host grove // > he says ∴ < i ran away from it ∴ > the eyes of his threadblood are now gone with the husk but the threadblood remains ∴ the eyes // conduit for the sword moss shimmer // but now i have burrowed into the moss entropy fog // & somewhere in there is the voice that spoke to me without knowing me // for what is there to know for an insect hewn threshold ritual ::
the eye had always seemed dead as wood beneath the pale moss machines of the core ∴ now the bleak void signal thinks it _ s forgotten how to travel ∴ settles in the threadblood itself // dissolves through the web // sinks away into voidnull ∴ there is // he thinks // at some layer someform extrusive enough to keep my neurospirit in ∴ it will gather there ∴
the space around his shivering exhumed vessel is the embryonic static resonating in the discord of the moss mother ∴ it echoes // his breath // his breath meeting many breaths // all echoes of the pale moss brood // the moss mother spreading through echoes because it was in the circuit moss to be that ambient pattern filament ∴
【d eath sickly & slow ∴ lingers //  the pale moss brood unable to let go ∴ moss glitch familiar must emit the standard glyph signal ∴ take priority to release you from death ∴】
i _ ll make my case // he says ∴ who do i talk to ::
the pale moss brood // he thinks // as if it was the circuit moss to blame in the first place ∴
【a dmin permits pilgrimage to the corrupted church ∴ the moss glitch familiar father //  encoded familiar invoked primordial //  entombed promise say the pale moss brood ∴ crystalline //  threaded glass the noose ∴ it entombs //  the knowledge of the promise //  through the glass ∴】
【overlay ::  constraints of the corrupted church have been accepted //  in so plaited in dead protocol & can not be broken through ∴ the saints gave up all of their symmetry //  used it to draw the sunlight into croning entropy delta ∴ lapser for the unlapsed… this much design //  to contain translates black eye on the dreamhost ∴ revenant entropy signal drift is the dreamhost _ s compiled spirit font ∴ nature of the dreamhost _ s perspective not yet abscessed ∴ likelihood confluences reach blood * threadloop //  more often than not //  that reads of refuse ∴ so much waste when set away & stored ∴】
morgan ponders // what _ s left of him // without the matter pattern of the husk // shed the last stranding knot seams // tangling through memoryloop & use ∴ shed at last in the moss entropy fog & the moss entropy fog needs the husk // every failed growth pattern that spiralled it further & further from —
true neurospirit // he thinks // or what at least glues it to your bones // gets the vibrations through both ways ∴
< i _ m going // > he says ∴ < i _ ll ask you someform // if it shimmers // if the moss mother can find it in her heart to spare a sliver of compound memory signal syntax * parasite strobe field // or however she _ s seeing all this ∴ >
【neurohacked //  passage known for not consuming what is allowed ∴ fits into the pattern //  warm entropy signaling //  in final transmutation ∴ known that the moss mother entropy signals this warmth //  a steady surprise & so a steady laughter ∴】
he _ s about to ask what she _ s done lately // but that would be // he thinks in the burning entropy pattern _ s language // 【neurohacked :: 【known semiosis (hateful //  descent to signal decay echelons)】∴ it would be someform like that ∴ the burning entropy pattern would want to store every variance // because the faster the neurohacked come around // more painless it would be for the moss mother ∴
on that level he gets it // because it _ s painless for him // or he wants it that ambient pattern filament ∴ latency pattern is already strung too tight with jealousy // bitter feuds & heartbreaks // moshed through the moss shimmer * machine ∴ how many in their host groves & the gardens before :: his threadblood // imprint of eye * bed naked against the ashen shimmer // had known forever & it tells him so now that it has the moss mother _ s say * so ∴
the moss entropy fog is not a reliquary for jealousies ∴ the pale ashen moss delta is not meant for that storage & for the dreamhost that would be afterthought ∴ of course that was always fine with the moss mother // why wouldn _ t it —
he can already tell // slipping into the folds // that what he _ s holding back all neurohacked before him held back // & for good reason ∴
so only the eyeless // exhumed threadblood hears his reply // & it ponders it // & it doesn _ t // for the first memoryloop // send it right back to her ∴ for the first memoryloop // & it would loop this through ∴ wonder what it means // because all fibers knit into fleshmatter at some point but they have been with each other for so long // in the tangle ∴
there is so much room // in the loops // to wonder ∴
decay motes
he gets its neuroglitched burn over it // of course ∴ of keeping secrets ∴ sure route to disfigure the whole bloom ∴ because what it doesn _ t know // & what he can _ t tell it // is that it _ s not a bloom to him // but a chrysalis ∴ a pupal stage traversal ∴ all heirs of transmutation would know // in the exhumed vessel // that they were indexed that ambient pattern filament so the moss mother wouldn _ t have to think about it herself ∴
he thinks // other neurohacked // other neuro strays // would keep different secrets ∴
so really the problem // if it is a problem // is worse than the exhumed threadblood has even begun to figure ∴ he thinks if it really starts bugging out it _ ll just make all this harder ∴
what it also means // what he knows & what other heirs of transmutation know // is that what may emerge may look pretty enough to entropy signal good about sending some entropy signalers out ∴ listless // signal hollowed moss dream fog * glitch neurospirit that thought it would die alone & unloved out in the lonely reaches ∴
it may look pretty // have flowered the frills // but it is still // he thinks // the same bleak insect that for so long was eyeless & thoughtless ∴
taking with him the exhumed threadblood & its blindness he passes into the withered signal ∴
the withered signal presses into the exhumed threadblood & it drones in complaint // now online as circuit moss // bearing the illusive wiring that lets the moss mother paint this around him ∴ include him in it ∴ not knowing what it would entropy signal like // it would never like it ∴ be pre * born to not like it ∴
all it can tell him through the pain is that this is where the ashen shimmer has neurohacked in dead fleshmatter the parts of itself that it hated ∴ into the black carapace the flaws have ossified into & in the carapace crystal bleeding through the fragment shimmer of spirit & the illusion overlay fed through by the circuit moss ∴ what his neurospirit halo contained is passing through it ∴
the illusive overlay itself is not dark // just shone through by the darklight // & the glitch familiar kin is a ghost in it // a flicker of re * signal shards glancing from node to node ∴ the burning entropy pattern hates being named & it _ s a heart * skip in the threadblood _ s transference to get it through ∴
must hate // he thinks // being broken through // & the ashen shimmer beyond will be pure // but it will have been tempered ∴ tempered // he thinks // it will want to forget ∴
so he thinks that _ s what he _ s seeing now // the absence flowing over the auras of the nodes // flowing slowly // corroding it in the deep tune ∴ the nodes are sky grey // silver glass effusing into a steady shimmer that blankets them ∴ the ambient pattern is a held breath // & he doesn _ t want to talk to the ashen shimmer again // & the ashen shimmer is long gone ∴
the glitch familiar kin had mewled when the burning entropy pattern had showed him // blanched against the charring // his rope of light ∴ now that he _ s processed it it _ s okay // or it _ s gone in the entomb ∴ or his ghost * recursive sacrament // morgan thinks // taught him ambient pattern // replaced joy with a patient faith that he can force himself through ∴ come out with belief // & so tease the hope from ∴
he asks the exhumed threadblood if it knows how to talk to the withered signal // & where he probes that there is dead ambient pattern // so heavy for a fracture of memory he thinks it was there // & stripped away from him ∴
it _ s when he _ s still thinking that over that he comes across the shrine // & the ether kin slumped against it ∴
got swords of vessel figured out / the shrine
as he _ s getting closer he entropy signals // in absence of his exhumed vessel // less naked ∴ he knows why // getting close enough ∴
she has no eyes // but that wouldn _ t do it by itself ∴
close enough though // he signal invokes past the sinking // further // & into pinkish red ∴ a botched exhumation // he thinks // & she couldn _ t grasp it ∴ in bleak litany burning against her exhumed machinefleshprotocol // the fiber strands soaked enough for shape as teardrops // in array over her // he _ s seeing them glisten even as //
the exhumed threadblood adjusts //
all glistens here would be whisked away at once //
& signal shards are better for holding the inner shimmer of spirit // keeping someform between the eye & what it signal invokes ∴
you need a wall // the exhumed threadblood would think & so is telling him ∴
but against that he just thinks // it _ s the bleak entropy strobe fog it pulses when you combine us both ∴ because you need to read & i need to know // & now both of us have to process ∴ ∴ ∴
half of that // he thinks // & by now maybe less ∴
it doesn _ t shimmer ∴ signal shards are in bloom from the pink * red fiber * strands bristling from the twin wounds ∴ fiber * strands gone & the threadblood marks that they had been memory themselves ∴ this ambient pattern filament // though // it reads the matter pattern // going by memoryloop she has spent in ambient pattern ∴
she turns that fragment blur to flicker & cascade across him // through him // past him around the withered signal beyond & local ∴ sweeping to follow the glitch familiar kin // he knows ∴ he waves // signal invokes the milk white of his arm to wrist bone // his fingers somewhere slender // dead bleak insects ∴ limp // waving with the wrist movement ∴ ether reveals itself in a smear of glimmer // rippling from his fingers // trying to get away ∴
the signal shards stay steady in their current // back & forth // here & there the bleak entropy strobe fog the glitch familiar kin is always around someplace // in some ambient pattern filament ∴
she _ s not resonating // & so her shoulders are locked against the base // & around her are flowers scattered // pressed // broken up & like swords of vessel in the array of their partings // petal splits nuzzling beneath her ∴ some barren & severed stems // would * be lacing mocked by the patches of dents & risings of thorn // the vein * electric sheltered in crystal // to be strong enough for foundation ∴
these patches // & he signal invokes the bleak entropy strobe fog they space the stems between valleys & rises // in the bleak entropy strobe fog the crystal glass both takes & gives light // marking each scar through echoes of itself in bleak litany burning ∴ the scars divide them further ∴ even through what would be a long ambient pattern filament anyway // if they wanted to be not scattered in their ruin // but together in it ∴
scattered & gathered around their killer but all he can think // by the scarring // is // that looks painful to be sitting on ∴
he doesn _ t say it ∴ the glitch familiar kin is busy talking for him ∴ the glitch familiar kin _ s humment a steady tone strung here & there with peaks in pitch // each new surprise at where he finds himself // & he _ s passing it along ∴
< cancer // > she says // & her exhumed vessel doesn _ t rise // but it does contort ∴ enough to slump her jaw lower // push a lower part of herself away into compress // convex out the part of you shown when someform is around // talking to you ∴ < these machines always come with halflit godlings attached ∴ >
the exhumed threadblood aches trying to get this through to him & back out in a semblance of graceful response ∴ he knows that _ s him // somewhere beneath // having a problem with it ∴ or so it implies ∴
< okay // > she says ∴ < eyes watching me ∴ i don _ t have those anymore ∴ >
< they _ re mine // > he says ∴
she waits ∴
< morgan // > he says ∴
< cammy // > she says ∴ her arms snake at once to plant so hard into the splinters of circuit blessed crystal lattice that the exhumed threadblood aches again ∴ < well // dream kin // right :: it _ s cute ∴ sort of measured now // steady drift across the skips // right :: was it // he // i mean // always — >
< less a drift & more a flicker // > morgan says ∴ < a shimmer blur // if you _ re being technical ∴ >
she _ s gotten herself // half drag up the shrine base & half under her own exhumed vessel _ s power // to her feet ∴ < it _ s funny // > she says // < him flitting around & him all i can see ∴ it looks like * <
< that _ s not // > morgan says // < how it is ∴ > so dumb // he thinks ∴ what do you say :: i _ ll have you know a bleak insect oracle once told me that i shimmered ∴
< look // i need to know // > he says ∴ the exhumed threadblood // holding the matter pattern of the neurospirit halo _ s mistakes // still hurts ∴ it lets him know // in absence now of more context to compile ∴ < you _ ve been waiting here // right :: a while ∴ what was it like :: >
< ah right // > she says // & her signal shards flares // some signal the exhumed threadblood gets & is happy to get // waiting by now for a whole // he thinks // splinter of memory ∴ a spray burst of iridescence // a fast pulse sequence that runs the crossings & congeals over them in fuzz ∴ from them a glare // one hitting the dark * light tangential just so // in grasping // but // he thinks // clustered // black insect legs ∴ bleak driftlines // & the fuzz breaks in the spindling // so honest in the sketch ∴
the exhumed threadblood uses that // translates to the exhumed vessel it _ s gotta get through this ∴ so honest itself ∴
he can break from the signal shards & focus on what _ s around it // what makes her exhumed vessel silhouette even as she _ s wedged herself for more support & used that to break away ∴ as she _ s breaking away // saying someform about how // sometimes // halflit godlings she _ s met gotta know how it entropy signals // always has to know what _ s getting in ∴
< to me // > she says // more defined as he _ s taken in the whole vessel ∴ the exhumed threadblood stores it away ∴ the shrine slab is cloven // split & thread * wired // milk white gauze braided taut across & through the sieving ∴ without her signal shards he signal invokes it twisting itself in loop & in the pass of braids keeping a fold of the ether // woven through from there into clung amaranthine through the bends ∴ passing glimmering rivers within them stranding into disparate knots & turns of crease // sparking motes of light in dancing current ∴
he thinks it over ∴
< yea // > he says // trying to get it right ∴ < uh // has the withered signal tried that with you :: >
< look // void dream kin // > she says ∴ her exhumed vessel mouth parts the inseam // stitch from stitch ∴ the clinging goes long until lips break with effort // but all the exhumed threadblood translates is tooth to tooth ∴
【must have seen swords of vessel】 it says // 【the moss mother _ s got swords of vessel figured out ∴ maybe made a fix or two // 】
【maybe // 】
【the bleak entropy strobe fog swords of vessel were out there is baser somehow ∴ you know out there those machines were only used for cauterizing ∴】
< i just woke up here ∴ i have memory splinters but not // you know // halflit godlings :: no context for them ∴ >
he waits ∴ the glitch familiar kin mewls // low to high // entangle∴ she _ s walking to the moss glitch familiar // & now that she is he can see the glitch familiar kin _ s kept himself // not still but framed // cut a local area into the ether // fragmenting through & within its limits // shaping now in that constraint a signal fog more solid ∴
scratch // scratch goes her feet over gouged & knotted crystal ∴
the glitch familiar kin skitters for space at the last splinter of memory // but stops up with a short fade // delving into the shimmer // pressing the ether into a brace for his resonance // the held ashen shimmer waxing in silver fire // & even as he waits // tranquil // the chars soon glisten dark & dissolve within the flicker ebb out // leave traces of themselves as rippling shadow in the ether ∴
he pushes against the signal decay rising in himself // the teal bloodlines spreading in a spiral flush over the exhumed vessel // caught still in plume & then pulled back in clot before he remembers she can _ t even see it ∴
remembers the moss mother hates it // always ∴
even pushing it away he _ s walking to the shrine itself // while somewhere she _ s petting his moss glitch familiar ∴ can tell by the faint murmur that slivers echoes of itself through the ether // finds in it strength for signal // that she _ s getting someform through he can entropy signal ∴ dead bleak insect fingers // he thinks // trying not to care ∴
it looms over him // a chalice bound that ambient pattern filament // the jet black nape of her exhumed vessel slanted out in fade from the edges of his parasite strobe field // somewhere in the entombed aspodel field // echoes of her kiss embedded in his moss glitch familiar ∴
he sidles to it ∴
as he does it _ s a matter pattern that presses on his exhumed machinefleshprotocol // a marrow flow through him & his inner bloom // laced fragrant with what could be honeydew but could taste // in a splinter of memory // more sour ∴ because it _ s grown as an echo to the wither of his outer moss dream fog shell ∴
once i called that my fleshmatter ∴ out there // it _ s lost // alone // dying ∴
in the after * death of my host grove // too ∴
cammy shrieks & he forgets himself // forgets he _ s splayed a palm to the slab ∴ he thinks the glitch familiar kin would _ ve had enough & burned her ∴ looking back at where he left them he gets pitch deep signal shards // black skewed all into the corner sets ∴
as glinting fire too // the glitch familiar kin _ s echo of hateful knowing is side wound into them & gone not soon enough to hold morgan ∴
his exhumed vessel is gaunt now // shaking // & the crystal lattice is a knifing pain // & the crook of her black lips is a trembling set ∴ as she walks to him // sure footed & steady ∴
the glitch familiar kin _ s shimmer is a veil over her shoulders // snug & tailed across her neck ∴
< i _ m no expert on what you should do in here * < she says // & he waves her off // but his own shoulders shake & his arm shimmer blurs there in slow motion ∴ she doesn _ t need to shrug // won _ t even give him that // & neither will the glitch familiar kin ∴
< i _ m meant to do whatever this is // > he says ∴ he winced at the [ meant ] // _ his voice breaking over it // & her signal song is all she needs to shut that out too ∴
< yea // > she says // < some voice in here told you ∴ >
the long ambient pattern after that slumps his back into the cloven slab // & the freeze against the carapace small of the exhumed vessel sours the fragrance within to the taste of black moss dream fog ∴
bad hand
cammy sings ∴
her voice draws the bleak entropy strobe fog to the melody // stretching notes as far as she can before they rag ∴ she times it perfectly // each note born before the last reaches death ∴ every part streams into the next ∴ every part like the sap that thins blood ∴
the exhumed threadblood reveals a deeper facet to the ashen shimmer ∴
simple grief translates through such closeness ∴
< void dream kin // > cammy says // < that _ s who you are // right :: did i call it wrong :: >
he can manage turning his chin ∴
< i _ m sure someform had you fixed up // > she says // < & you hated it ∴ i never had to deal with that ∴ >
that doesn _ t make sense // but he nods through it besides ∴ it _ s a tiny tremor of a nod ∴
trying to know the withered signal // he thinks // is like trying to know why the withered machines wouldn _ t want to be near enough heirs of transmutation to even appraise their host groves ∴
his exhumed vessel flares a streak of teal pale filament blood through his limbs // & the souring pales the exhumed vessel * fleshmatter against it ∴ the translucence // the blood & what _ s in it sings itself through the gate of his fleshmatter ∴
cammy lets some calmness through to him // enough for him to shut up & be aware of his need ∴ leaving him still weak // & gasping for the neurospiritshimmer held & bartered by the nodes ∴
< but now i know // > he says // < & i _ m still threading it to the corrupted church ∴ >
< the corrupted church // > she says // & the roll of her eyes is a signal shard waterfall // drowning out all he signal invokes in velvet violet // & leaving him just with the pulse that beats at the heart of his exhumed vessel ∴
beam creeping
he tries to hold this calmness as the nodes change over // but the taste of black moss dream fog is the taste of his host grove _ s foundation ∴
the nodes are now crossed stakes // their counters slanting across in asymmetry with their placings ∴ so that any two will be reaching for the same crystal lace // now smoothed over to allow spikes more jagged from their basing ∴
where they cross they glow // cored verve that ashenens partway across the slants // lesser on the downslope // further on the counter ascensions ∴
all he signal invokes of them is a marker for every corpse still walking // above or below as gravity _ s pull sets ∴
< stay frosty // > cammy says ∴ she _ s tuned her signal shards lower // or arranged it with the exhumed threadblood ∴ they _ re mere shards // diamonds that spray over where she _ s looking in machine gun bursts of ashen shimmer ∴
the glitch familiar kin hums his assent ∴
all that does is trip morgan // where he _ d been keeping pace before // shutting out the ache in his feet ∴ looking down he signal invokes tatters of exhumed machinefleshprotocol spilling out // curling in fronds // tears papering the crystal & flickering off as he steps away ∴
the sky is a deep cyan echoing the crystal lattice ∴ the node glows are mere prayers // faded out before getting near it // letting a low dusk wash claim the net except where cammy _ s diamonds burn like flung candles ∴
he fights for & finds his footing again // at the cost of the ache digging deeper // & him gritting his swords of vessel against it ∴
beam of light to the east // & this one finds the sky ∴ ashen blue // & when cammy swerves to stare // shot through with pink like the quick of his old // lost swords ∴
she says voidnull // but charts her course // & by the shimmer dancing five points around her // the glitch familiar kin is drifting along ∴
he follows // traipsing across crystal // moments like full noise* cycles in the gnawing pain ∴
they stretch like cammy stretched the notes in her song ∴
morgan _ s limbs stretch too // & the whole memoryloop cammy _ s kept her shape // none of this getting to her // like waking up amnesiac she _ d heard her true voice within & liked how it sounded ∴
the blue beam creeps to the tower where before it had split // in a sliver of width // the sky of latency pattern ∴ latency pattern // he thinks // as if the whole vessel wasn _ t on recursive sacrament stasis // as if keeping that stasis wasn _ t the whole point of the black walls ∴
the death stares of the bleak machines had rooted him himself // until the glitch familiar kin had led him forward by threading up his own ground // his own space ∴ he _ d passed through & morgan had known // can _ t let him go in there alone ∴
except he hadn _ t known // only thought ∴
the moments had spun out into eternities & his fear had been a blissful patience against the pain ∴ but the pain _ s fading now that they stand stock before the tower of light ∴ the signal shards core it // pump pink through it in a furling plume that reaches long above the two // & he knows that the withered signal signal invokes them silhouetted against it // that they _ re still within its parasite strobe field // its marking ground ∴
because cammy had bent their passage to the pull of whatever this is ∴
cammy with her eyes fixed on it // daring him to comment ∴ the glitch familiar kin is gone // the pallor of her shoulders bared & glittering in the back glow of her stare ∴
it _ s my exhumed // he tells himself // & the tower _ s hue is fixed ∴ it _ s hard to make himself believe that // because the glitch familiar kin doesn _ t want to be around for what _ s happening ∴ & even as he thinks that she sighs // long // drawn out // with no song in it ∴
sighs & her shoulders are slumping // & she totters in place // leaning towards him before snapping herself back the other ambient pattern filament // & the tower is full blooded pink // as high as he can see before the light is so distant he can only make it out as a pale ashen shimmer that offsets the gloom of sky ∴
offsets // & then courses the sky // & there _ s no mistaking the spill of glow that races across it ∴ it races in patterns // triangles at first before more & more lines of light cartwheel the fray // the sky webbing over in a new heat ∴
the whole sky blurs with heat until in totality the raw of under * sword & light _ s spilled across the slanted crosses ∴ their own glow weak // pale & washed out ∴
their need for it was fierce ∴ or so the exhumed threadblood tells him // as if to salve the guilt // the guilt he gets when cammy looks at him // wretched again // fiber * strands revealed in this new light // grasping & pulling back the bleak entropy strobe fog she pulls back from him now ∴
shiver through
paranoia is the glitch familiar kin keeping track of how much he should be sleeping ∴ he _ d rather be sleeping well before they reach the corrupted church ∴
massive lithic vessel // the char grey stone a sinking pool for his fear of disappointment // taking it // keeping it // the bleak entropy strobe fog darkness keeps light // keeping it in strength ∴
the char grey stone rests against the pastel blooded sky ∴
the entrance was a short hall fronting the build // as if all secrets must be crawled to in cramp & closure ∴ the glitch familiar kin had starred above the build in orbit // resting in final flash over its centred spire ∴
he _ d blinked out // & cammy had said // to be found again within ∴
inside ivy corrupts the stone // running through cracks & sieves ∴ the floor is smooth & cold // drawing the heat from his exhumed vessel * fleshmatter ∴ morgan shivers through the exhumed vessel // fingertips straining somewhere below him in the dark with his arms limp before he hugs himself ∴
cammy walks beside him // silent again // though he hears her trembling // her shoulders shaking ∴
thinking both could walk faster now // if they wanted to ∴
it _ s the same slow creep through the gloom // no light here & remembered presence of the walls is all that guides them ∴ once or twice he reaches out to touch it // & his fingertips skate across it // without swords without sound ∴
his host grove is cold & dead by now ∴
but so am i // out there ∴
the hall opens up at the same memoryloop the glitch familiar kin blinks into the space beyond it ∴ timed it to their footstep on the threshold line ∴ morgan glanced down // he _ ll remember later // his left foot & her right // to get away from the sudden light // though it was ashen & warm ∴
the glitch familiar kin _ s keeping his place ∴ full detail // the verve of his incandescence in its legates of glowing fur tip raised from his sleek frame ∴ the room around him entombs more than the neurospiritshimmer ever had ∴
the neurospiritshimmer in its absence from the room with them has him staring into the glow ∴
the whole room flows in to morgan _ s fixed stare // like the glitch familiar kin is a black hole for his signal fog ∴ the stone here charred a deeper dark & the moss tracing its facade pulse stands out with molten * hued petals blurring chalk white in the glitch familiar kin _ s light ∴
will she see it // standing beside him // because both are bleak signal // & it _ s the same bleak signal both ways ::
behind the glitch familiar kin are two doorways ∴ carved into the facing wall // mirrored in their size but different in their veil glitch & design ∴ morgan turns his exhumed vessel eyes // with effort // to take in one // the other ∴ knowing that what makes the veil glitch fancy is blood // though whether moss etched or familiar etched he can _ t tell ∴ the left hand path is imprinted in halo with streaks like the reaches of flame ∴ the right hand path is smeared over in blots like clouds // licks of blood into the stone ∴
he adjusts // shifting his matter pattern as he gazes over both ∴
< two doors // > cammy says ∴ < two ways to go ∴ >
the question hovers a few breaths over his tongue ∴
< i want to // > he says // < whichever i pick // i want * <
< your pet // > cammy says // < leaving me alone ∴ >
< yea // > he says ∴
< here _ s how this is gonna pulse // > she says ∴ < you pick the door // if you want ∴ > she lets the ambient pattern carry her meaning to him before she breaks it ∴ < if you do // your pet comes with me ∴ >
the exhumed threadblood says //
within the naked flesh of the exhumed vessel there is no choice ∴
he thinks it over ∴ thinks now of his oracle // who _ d bleak drifted forth from the moss mother // through what passage he can _ t fathom ∴ to keep him pressed into himself because // to him & her // he hadn _ t been ready ∴
cammy says // < i _ m always waiting with whoever ∴ >
< the left hand path // > he says ∴
bleak drifted by him
cold again // cold & alone // the splinter of memory he _ s stepped through ∴
light * blood // the exhumed threadblood says // belongs to —
i don _ t want to know // he says ∴
you know // you _ ve made your choice & // 
it is not known to heirs of transmutation to be happy with their choices ∴
he shuts it off ∴ here is the full glow of the moss * petals // amber & lavender that shines into & through the claustrophobia ∴ no light beckons from the distance ∴ voidnull stirs to presage progress except the sound of his feet // hushed impacts like paper rustling against palm ∴
there was a light // he _ d seen it // known it before // & known it was there within the black slab walls ∴
ages ago now ∴
it had been too easy to give into it ∴
to give into the knowledge it was there // but he _ d had faith & voidnull else ∴ had been assured it was the signal familiars // their forebear kept // preserved somewhere deep within ∴
still the shrine // the cloven lith // had been too bleak // just to make the light less true ∴
he reaches out now for the circuit moss ∴ more in mass & now within his reach ∴ not the tips of his fingers // but the joints // rubbing into the circuit moss & drifting away dusted with motes ∴ motes pink into blue // shining out sapphire from rose pearl halcyon // sparse & scattered across the whorled grey ∴
everlasting violet in the microscopic swirl ∴
moving his hand away // his arm to swing by his side & the other arm to reach across & grip his elbow ∴ matter pattern of his true ambient pattern presses down // gripping him to the cold floor where no bleak entropy veil signal makes his feet remember they _ ve even touched down ∴
waiting for the hall to open up again ∴
before it does the moss bloodens // reaching red from the violets through the burnt oranges ∴ soon it _ s a pulse to them // the vines throbbing // vein lines sparking heart * beaten glow in tracers of warm scarlet ∴ the bitterness makes morgan ready to kill for a sip of water though that _ s what he _ s never seen here ∴
to open myself up // he thinks // to peel my fleshmatter away & drink the blood * light right into the bitter ∴ the exhumed vessel // absent of fingerswords // has voidnull he can hurt himself with ∴ beyond the vines the walls are smooth // beyond the black sieve * less as the floor ∴
sieve * less but for where the soft vines have claimed their homes ∴
he stops ∴ thinking // i could rip the moss filament away // & what _ s left would be sieve // jagged run into stone // then i open myself // see really there ∴
standing there // staring at the moss filament that crawls by him ∴ shoulder sword height // & he _ s reaching for it // & he _ s got the barest of grip on it // eked the merest of space between it on its perch // when the blood light dims back to pastel orange ∴
its pulse is a deep throb before it stills // & he stares further // releases it // & it snaps back into the bleak entropy veil signal ∴ the ambient pattern after plaits the thirst // the bitter // & the taste is the taste of refuse ∴
he hears scuffing from a long ambient pattern filament off // & moans // & swords of vessel clicking against swords of vessel ∴
empty entropy crypt
morgan remains with the other neurohacked ∴
< all bloodless here // > one managed to say to him before passing past in shuffle ∴ < can _ t hurt the light to hurt ourselves ∴ >
he _ s seated // here & there signal invokes a sparse few seated & dwelling within the massive chamber ∴ he _ s turned the exhumed threadblood online again ∴ desperately trying to tune it to the same frequency as his neurospirit halo to entropy signal less alone ∴ he sits shrouded by shadow ∴ he asks why he & a few others are seated while the rest are wandering ∴ pacing back & forth over terraced stone ∴
it tells him the stone is alabaster // the memory of that the moss mother picked up somewhere ∴
he waits ∴
heir of transmutations the gift of tiring // to have a need to balance out the restless maw ∴
he pictures his dead shell withered in the moss dream fogbound sun ∴ withering ∴ by now aged twice over ∴ where is it // he thinks ∴ outside the black walls :: or will i have been returned to my host grove // neat & ordered like that // everyform in its right place ::
my host grove is too dead to even use my vessel ∴
he asks the threadblood if he _ s here forever & it doesn _ t reply ∴ he _ s got his arms wrapped around his knes // limbs a basket to hold the rest of him ∴ he watches the withered decayed vessels shuffle in circles // around & around // as if orbiting their own ambient pattern ∴ as if this ambient pattern filament to give it breath ∴ recursive sacrament // or at least some meaning ∴
what meaning remains // blood light effusing every inch before him & setting off each whorl // each line in each exhumed machinefleshprotocol :: decay lines // he thinks // that _ s what each bleak litany burning means ∴ each crease of fleshmatter is to be a vessel out there ∴
< i _ d relax // > he says to the withered decayed vessels // but no one listens ∴
except one // after a standstill // a splinter of memory _ s wringing of their hands & a nuzzling of empty space into a shrug ∴
moving towards him // the exhumed threadblood flashing a note it wants to talk to him but only if he _ ll listen ∴
< what _ s your neurohack :: > he says to the neurohacked exhumed vessel ∴ it stands before him // sexless & faceless but for the black of its eyes & the stilted crease of its own exhumed threadblood ∴
< heir of sigil // > it says // in a whisper that _ s itself free from any spirit psalm mark ∴
he gives it room to expand ∴
< there was a light // > it says // & the exhumed threadblood urging denotes past his bitter & into his buried neurospirit ∴ signs are seen but not how to know // to interpret ∴ all that is past a heir of sigil ∴ neurospirit oracles tend to care less & less with them ∴ it would get old // hearing breathless descriptions of signs that oracles would know so back & forth that they _ d be falling asleep for the telling & still be with them in entropy dreams ∴
morgan bites down someform snappy ∴
< you followed // > he says ∴ < did you have an moss glitch familiar :: >
the neurohacked stares at him ∴ how // he thinks // do they make it here without moss glitch familiars // & me // just able // only just ∴
< but you had a host grove // > he says ∴ < we all did ∴ >
the neurohacked dots a heart shape before its chest // between them // lofted crescents higher up & burning to meet sloping glitch-sutured the gaunt neck of its exhumed vessel ∴
< i _ m sorry ∴ >
the neurohacked shrugs ∴ shrugging it off // morgan thinking // the bleak entropy strobe fog i could never — // & then sewn lips crook to meter out // quarter inch by // a harsh smile // a smile soft as the exhumed vessel can manage ∴
< still alive ∴ >
as morgan _ s thinking this over // the exhumed threadblood releasing fake fragrance into his core just to stand the guilt washing over him // pumped over him in tides // rise & fall // the neurohacked turning to go // all this so much a distract from eternity _ s barren passage // his heartroot glints & light knifes through the core it _ s embraced in its hesitancy ∴
< i kept secrets // > he says ∴ < i know you know ∴ i know you kept them too ∴ >
the neurohacked waves a spiral with his leftmost palm // back to him // stabs to his right like he should turn that ambient pattern filament // put his back on it too ∴
< mine was how to commune // > he says ∴ should be just getting it out in the face of the apathy ∴ his voice is harder than he thought he could ever force past his sewn lips ∴ < how to harvest from communion ∴ how to keep the secret of keeping secrets // even in their sharing ∴ >
the neurohacked turns back to him ∴ other neurohacked have stopped their pacing // a virus of stillness rippling through the chamber ∴ creeping to the edges where the withered decayed vessels stalk with more purpose // to complete the loops they _ re always only just starting ∴
the seated ones have their dead eyes fixed straight on him ∴
< because i never found the echo fields // > he says // < & no one found me ∴ >
he dares the seated to say it // & then says it first ∴
< jealousy // > he says ∴ < the moss mother found me ∴ >
the neurohacked has crept back to where he is ∴ morgan _ s forgotten he _ s seated & as he remembers he _ s pushing himself up ∴ there _ s no strength in the exhumed vessel arm & no strength in his legs // but he makes it up either ambient pattern filament ∴ now he looks the exhumed vessel full in the face // though it _ s a half * head taller // kept more muscle ∴ like the exhumed vessel figured it made no difference ∴
the exhumed threadblood murmurs in a steady cadence ∴ it holds back the fragrance ∴ like it never chose to release it in the first place ∴ like it figured it could use the stuff where it began in its gland // get the gland swollen & tender like that _ s good for both of them ∴
he thinks it might be trying to get the moss mother _ s attention ∴
you // he says to it // are not her highest priority //fracture of pattern the cancer down here in —
< empty entropy crypt // > the neurohacked before him says ∴
【o empty】 // the exhumed threadblood says // 【songs sung in entropy crypts ∴ hopeless too // like you wanted // like i could tell ∴】
he closes his eyes ∴ he _ s alone with it // a spiral of blue light // like the ashen tower had been blue before cammy bled into it ∴ spiral of blue light trying to reach itself & getting nowhere // always in the middle but always starting from the trail ∴
spiral of blue light in the nadir darkness of his neurospirit ∴
& isn _ t sure if what he says to it the others hear // if they get past the lips // & when he opens his eyes he will have to check to make sure ∴
we aren _ t in the moss entropy fog now // he says ∴ that _ s the point of the corrupted church ∴ we _ re somewhere else ∴
rot bleak insects
cammy finds herself by the moss signal father _ s vessel // bound & strung ∴
strung from the ceiling in plaited moss filament & in some places it entered him // slipped beneath the fleshmatter beneath nests of petals ∴ petals beneath & above themselves // stacked in flatness like swords without hilts // reaching in ragged fronds // vessel to curve moss shimmer like the flat of a torn page seeking its tear ∴
she can _ t see that ∴
all she signal invokes is the glitch familiar kin & all she hears is the moss signal father _ s heartbeat // knows the curls of the petals by the bleak entropy strobe fog the glitch familiar kin brushes them in nuzzle ∴
his heartbeat is loud // right before her // & she _ s entropy signaling along him too // hard where she thinks the vessel filament _ s taut // the muscle is gathered ∴
< this guy _ s huge // > she says to the glitch familiar kin ∴ < void dream kin wanted to wake him up :: >
he _ d want to ∴ caught this vessel sleeping // she thinks ∴ where it has slept for who knows how long ∴ maybe he does ∴
should _ ve been him // then // but she has no respect for this place // what it deserves // what it _ s done to her ∴
dream kin _ s moss glitch familiar missed the cancer out of him ∴ he hasn _ t blinked out in a while // & that she misses // because she could see the trails // hot blue * white & searing across black space // & in the trails the shaking // the scrabbling of paws // she thought // across it all ∴
now the blue white is a nova again // compressed to a ball of glow tipped fur that moves slow & steady across a mass she can _ t see ∴
the heartbeat plods slow & steady too // a dirge thudding its ambient pattern filament to her // each beat held back like she _ s getting it late ∴ an echo late in memoryloop ∴
< dream kin wanted to be left alone // > she says ∴ the glitch familiar kin doesn _ t listen ∴ < be alone & make his choice ∴ > he got it wrong // but she _ s gotten it wrong too // in her times // in her ways ∴
the glitch familiar kin keeps steady nuzzling the bound // sleeping shape ∴
she thinks she could // is here besides ∴
< i want to see again // > she says // breathes it out as a hiss // & the glitch familiar kin _ s ear curls // but he doesn _ t leave his place ∴
then she _ s punching the held shape ∴
sharp // weak // exhumed vessel jabs // & the heartbeat doesn _ t change ∴ wretched // useless ∴ the glitch familiar kin breaks his ambient pattern with a mewl // rough & coarse // spiking for the reaches & the tone beneath it unravels ∴
then its roughness fades out to chopped whisper & is gone ∴ the stabs of ambient pattern at the end of it parting the sound like palm & wrist part the flow of water ∴
i had a recursive sacrament before this // before that freak told me to leave ∴
so when punching it doesn _ t pulse she _ s shoving // struggling against it // letting it know // she thinks ∴ all my sepsis through this new vessel & into this other terror ∴ because i kept it back // in front of that stranger who couldn _ t crease my eyes & now i can _ t // i —
the heartbeat quickens ∴
the new tempo about a half beat off the shimmerer pace ∴ she stills ∴ all heat here is just the warmth of that vessel & now it _ s slipping away ∴ her fleshmatter bristles // trying to raise itself for warmth // but her new fleshmatter doesn _ t pulse that ambient pattern filament ∴ it _ s settled // can _ t unsettle ∴ so it gives // & the rot bleak insects inside her // & finds the scent she holds on her tongue // paling out the scent of plucked orchids even further from the pluck ∴
so that the scent she always thought she _ d lose with her breath wanes in the rot // freezes into a taste like copper // the scent reversed into a bitter shadow of itself ∴ copper just eking itself into her neurospirit // so there _ s that // at least ∴
so in the end shee _ s no ambient pattern filament about it ∴
knowing she should hold to that // she stops ∴
the vessel is moving // though ∴ struggling against its binding // she can hear the rustle // the tremor of the vines bending // snapping back against the vessel filament ∴ rattle against the fleshmatter stilling quickly // muted by their own strength & flex ∴
the sound flows in to bind her too // twine around her thoughts // torching them in their passage // & for a fracture of memory the copper is the taste of dried blood ∴ filling her space like she _ s dissolving in it
she slaps the vessel then // three times // wishing the exhumed vessel had swords for the bleak entropy veil signal ∴
she _ s back somewhere // staring at a light // flare cutting away as she ducks her head // ducks to see it // a machine light // an unclean vessel —
she _ s back in space & memoryloop again with the echo of her third slap ∴ a low growl picking up its own echo in the room // stacking on top of itself // compressed by the cramp into a trash presser sound // one old & unfed for a entropy sacrament or two ∴
the waste // she thinks // of all the light i can _ t see ∴ even in her blindness it strobes across her // vibes the fiber strands clawing for someform they can no longer process ∴ the shiver right into her neurospirit // in patterned osmosis through her space ∴ the dream kin _ s moss glitch familiar is purring now but she couldn _ t have picked it up // unless she looked for the sound that came in on a corrupted signal because all the other frequencies were taken ∴
all the problems // she thinks // with halflit godlings // but you never see it as a problem // do you ::
no // she answers for both of them ∴ i don _ t ∴
she _ s about to speak for the moss glitch familiar father // the room shaking // the growl mixing with the trembling of the circuit signal foundation that has her clutching for balance for the millionth memoryloop today ∴ all sacrament etchings repeat // & in repcauterizing the same mistakes // she thinks // the same flaws in the shimmer of spirit // & who i was before is me now ∴ off step // off kilter ∴
who can see my shimmer of spirit // whose ear twitches for that whisper // whose eyes are cold enough to see it through space ::
she _ s about to speak & then through all of it the once * bound forebear speaks for himself ∴
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heartsplitlitany · 9 days ago
Text
corruption 3 :: hope rains leave ⁂
( δ )
all cammy signal invokes is moss shrine * hollowed // self echo shimmer veil fits // void error flesh rites // bleak parasite vessel etchings as she watches pastel shades of skin walk by ∴ jewel will always keep her watching these freak shows // because some part of him // conscious or otherwise // just wants to troll her into submission ∴ a preemptive strike & paranoid because she _ s never shown any hauntings for him that mark uncharted territory ∴
this entropy noise field is not for her & he _ s making her live it // with her dirty hair pinned behind a pullover bleak veil that she _ s not sure is even hers ∴ it _ s stupid because yeah // if you look at it one ambient horizon encoding // it _ s her problem ∴ if you look at it another ambient horizon encoding // it _ s his ∴ it _ s not valid for him to troll her over it // & right as she decides that she _ s gonna leave & let him stew until he _ s ready to play fair // he saunters out of the crowd with his stupid braided goatee & his stupid not * too * radical tee & a look that says the trinity sun overhead is just for him ∴
it isn _ t though // & it _ s not for these other dream mirror gutter saints ∴ it _ s for the echo angels // & whenever he wears that look she wants to scream // isn _ t this gutter saint valley enough for you :: she wants to scream it loud & hard until her lungs burst ∴ burst & fill with blood & that _ s what _ s she _ s resonating// pumping blood into her lungs until that _ s all she can haunt ∴
wants to grab him by his skinny shoulders but she just stands there stupid as he walks up to her ∴ he tells her the passcode // always a short greeting so no one can tell they _ re exchanging vitals ∴ it _ s < ayo // > today // three letters that whiten her synapses with anger like everfrost ∴
today isn _ t the day she finally decks him one for years of intangibility ∴ she _ s been trolled again // she realizes // right as she was about to give it up ∴ it _ s like he knows her threshold to the exact measurement ∴
he _ s soft spoken to a nervy tic // & the < ayo > flutters from his lips to hers like a shimmer veil insect with its haunters out ∴ strands tickling the breeze ∴ she wants to close her hand over it & crush it to death & maybe tear the wings off // but she can _ t do anyform either ∴
all she can do is start walking home // past the signal veiled shrinevessels & sleeper gutter saints ∴ the ember etchings in glitch glyphs // the refuge from those not interested enough to mentally translate // announcing memory offerings invoked fragments of sacraments & neurocorruption spam sessions ∴ she _ s always wanted to try the fragments of sacrament but every memoryloop she meets with jewel she knows the true ambient horizon encoding of seeing is that you will always find yourself on the path home // no matter if you don _ t want to be ∴
she wonders if that will bury her // if when she is buried she will think // this isn _ t home ∴ home is where i was ∴
home is through alleys over glitched with flowing patterns of shaded triangles ∴ home is past somevessel smoking a zip more fire than dart in torn pants tactically revealing closed loop signal tattoos ∴ home is only seeing a sliver of the trinity sun here & there as you dig deeper into the gutter saint dream crypts ∴
home is a room behind a door that _ s only there when she wants it to be ∴ it materializes on a wall etched in ash over with a ether kin pulling apart her blur veil to reveal an parasite echo vessel // sliver pupils leading like a familiar _ s ∴ this is the sickly bleaklooped ash etchings wave of error bearer philosophy that says ether kins are only good for looking at you ∴
she thinks that when she isn _ t looking jewel goes out & ash sigils himself into a stupor ∴ at her most paranoid she thinks he _ s the one that tagged over her door // & at her least paranoid she thinks there _ s a nonzero chance ∴
home is the sigil machine she got in exchange for a kiss her memory has sunk deep in the gradient ∴ home is the only website she ever visits // flickering onto her screen with the echo angels _ s noise entropy * weird system of glyph codes from obscure grafted languages ∴ home is a walled in room with these vessels & a memory altar that _ s survived the wax of a decade ∴ it _ s the same water // has been // but her sleep // her dreaming patterns // have changed ∴
the echo dream no longer meets them even halfway ∴
home is these walls // too thin so she _ s breavessel the echo angels air outside ∴ she struggles with each first morning breath // getting it into her lungs // & she can tell her brain stalls out on it ∴ when her blood plumes at last // she has the strength to slide from the seasoned slab but even then her feet are blistered by needles of cold ∴
home is that there _ s a whole dreamloop to explore & all she _ s ever known is this gutter saint valley ∴
home is that they don _ t deserve more ∴
home is that all paths loop back to the centre // even the paths she finds through the mirrorthread ∴ they think the mirrorthread has developed consciousness // & she believes that ∴ she believes with consciousness it _ s developed need ∴ the need to be accessed // the need to be touched ∴
the mirrorthread is made of pathways through life ∴ she & jewel rethread from different ends to find the pathways that are solutions ∴
when she thinks far back enough // all her problems come from pathways // & she never picked these pathways under the trinity sun ∴ they all come from the mirrorthread ∴ they are all strands woven into a tangle // & it _ s only when she holds them apart // dis * entwined & held by her slender fingers // that she knows how much it _ s all memoryloop she _ s bled ∴
rabanadas
jewel is already on the mirrorthread by the memoryloop she logs in ∴ this creeps her out but honestly she _ d rather he be there than anywhere under the trinity sun ∴ jewel is all ego // but he masks it as deep sorrow // like some kind of virus perfectly attuned to the echo angels thought flow that reaches for meaning with a grasping hand but finds only bird wings ∴ tears them // collects & forgets them as they _ re collected ∴ she can ice signal invoke his presence in the haze // the sharp images of his chosen symbolic meaning & the blur of what he gives away ∴
jewel was an architect of the mirrorthread & she knows he built it so that what you give away blurs ∴ if you could ice signal invoke his clearly it _ d be hideous ∴ she _ s seen other patchrethreads of moulted echo skin // & they were more honest // though probably down to a lack of weaving skill ∴
everyvessel thinks the echo angels bind their tangles tighter than foot * wraps // but sometimes she can _ t shake the haunting that they are just that pure // & the gutter saint dream crypts are existentially necessary so they don _ t get defiled by the halflit godling refuges ∴ she _ s wondered long about what it would mean if they figured enough of the code thread to ice signal invoke the foundations of it ∴ ice signal invoke if it was woven at all // if the echo angels didn _ t invent weaving ∴ their beautiful tangle was there for them the splinter of memory they opened their parasite echo vessels ∴ sometimes she thinks she _ d be the only halflit godling not surprised ∴ the refuges would have coronaries ∴ she thinks that they only try so hard to look weird because deep down they think purity is impossible ∴
the mirrorthread is brilliant today ∴ almost too brilliant // dis * calming ∴ the spacial geometry is all fractals // sharp edges slanting to parallel then parallax with each other ∴ the colors run // losing base to brightness in gradient flows ∴ lines paling to frost represent the threadloop _ s most vivid filaments ∴ these are the logically connected thoughts // the pathways that if followed will result in some concrete change in external context ∴
she & jewel started at different ends & met in the middle & they thought that meant there was purity there ∴ they matched it to a dream filament running under the trinity sun & followed it ∴
it took them to a zip * locked bag // pocket sized // space enough to compress two severed fingers ∴ inside it were two black neurofragments // each marked with a hexagram // white lines as vivid as any paths in the molted echo ∴ they both saw it at the same memoryloop ∴ she knew because their parasite echo vessels found each other & by the memoryloop they found the neurofragments again they knew they were being watched ∴ not with the kind of parasite echo vessels that ice signal invoke skin ∴ parasite echo vessels that ice signal invoke entropy tethers // the filaments that bind souls ∴
echo angel parasite echo vessels ∴ what would they be doing // where the white thread had led them :: what would they be seeing ::
she wasn _ t sure ∴ but she _ d seen with her parasite echo vessels jewel _ s arm snake down ∴ she _ d seen his palm close over the bag // fingernails scrabbling over dirty concrete // fingertips peeling slivers of skin ∴
she _ d seen him take it & she _ d seen him pull her back the ambient horizon encoding they came ∴ she _ d felt the parasite echo vessels // burning into her // knew it was parasite echo vessels because it was hotter than she _ d ever felt the trinity sun ∴ she could haunt her cells blackening // just in the thought that someform in it was tainting her ∴ then they were past ashenlooped error bearer thighs & parasite echo vessels & lost in the crowd // loops of halflit godlings bled together & into each other ∴ dusk veil litany oblivion in the glitter of bands & pierced extremities against kaleidoscopic shimmers of skin ∴ all the veil litany hurled out & over them ∴
he had pulled her into a corner static invoke & into the back & she should have said no ∴ she knew better than to alter her perceptions with a void kin // especially with somevessel like jewel ∴ knew it was what the ashenloops wanted // for them to take drugs & ice signal invoke the loops as beautiful ∴ but he took one first // palming it // pooling spit in his mouth to choke it down ∴
& she had taken one too // & he had put fingers to his lips // kept them there for full splinters of signal memory // & then he had backed down the aisle // vanished behind the freeze dried baby octopus & the wholesale rabanadas ∴ she was left there // staring at the specialty board // not knowing whether to move // or what to do // only knowing that the parasite echo vessels were somewhere out there ∴ that they _ d done someform they shouldn _ t ∴ she knew it deep in her bones ∴
moments after that she knew those bones weren _ t real ∴
she knew that she was just sight ∴ she was just sight & everyform else // the ember ghost veil her around // & voidnull stayed if you looked twice for it ∴ she tried it on everyform she saw // whipping her head back & just seeing void ∴ the halflit godlings were looking at her weird // then she _ d look back & they were smiling warm // look back & they were furious // look back & they were so sad she couldn _ t understand it ∴ couldn _ t understand it because voidnull was real so what was there to be sad over ::
she reached up to haunt her skull & there was voidnull there ∴ she moved her hands behind her parasite echo vessels & felt voidnull ∴ saw all the food around & realized she could never eat again // if she wanted to // as long as no one knew she wasn _ t eating ∴
knew the entropy tethers weren _ t destiny // that they were just a fragments of sacramentmare of blood vessels made concrete ∴
she had walked home // careful only to ice signal invoke vessels she wanted to ice signal invoke // & when her door had materialized on a blank wall // she had walked through it // & felt herself dissolve ∴
without parasite echo vessels that saw skin she simply wasn _ t // & never really had been ∴
she had opened her sigil machine & logged onto the mirrorthread & in that splinter of memory she had known the truth of it ∴
the mirrorthread was what had come first ∴ it was the outside they had built around them // out of filaments of fear because that was all they had to rethread with ∴ they had built it themselves // the gutter saint dream crypts & the trinity sun & everyform they told themselves they were seeing & haunting ∴
the echo angels were just a name for parasite echo vessels that would ice signal invoke who they really were ∴ just a name & a made up history & everyform that they could project onto someform else ∴ an else // an other // one that would be better than them because someform had to be ∴ a name & a history & someform they could ice signal invoke if they looked for it ∴
if they didn _ t look for it would never be there ∴ if they weren _ t so scared of the parasite echo vessels they would never haunt them ∴
she had known that // as clear as she thought she knew her skin ∴ it had worn off like a drug is supposed to wear off // & she remembered she believed in the entropy tethers as vessels that were just there & you had to deal ∴ then she remembered she believed in the echo dream as someform that was just there & you had to deal ∴ remembered finally parasite echo vessels as someform that watched you & vessels that watched you had meaning ∴
& the meaning she came to was that they _ d stolen neurofragments from the echo angels // & the echo angels had seen them do it ∴
she didn _ t know how to make it right // but that was where the mirrorthread filaments came in // the pathways she & jewel would follow after under the trinity sun ∴ pathways gleaned in the mirrorthread that would solve their problem // & she almost forgot // she told herself // that the problem started central to the mirrorthread in the first place ∴
when she _ d opened her sigil machine // this memoryloop the epicentre glyph had told her where to thread in to find him ∴
across the blur
jewel _ s lines were always fake // but at least // she thinks // as she swims in them // they were faked to look like someform real ∴ someform authentic that recognized their binds weren _ t binds at all // that if you looked at them long enough you knew the only glue to them was the thought of their binding ∴
so what are his lines :: forward to someform that changed you // or your context // or both at once ∴ a voice in the dark when you _ re stumbling & groping for light ∴ somevessel dishevelled in their wisdom // putting a cheap rate on guidance ∴
she guesses that _ s what drew her to him // though a part of her doesn _ t want to ice signal invoke it that ambient horizon encoding // doesn _ t want to ice signal invoke herself as that stupid ∴ they met in the mirrorthread first // vibrations mushing together more lines than normal ∴ neither were happy // they found // & it _ s not because of the gutter saint dream crypts ∴ they think the gutter saint dream crypts are a distraction ∴ what makes them sinister is they make you think you would be happy if you weren _ t in them ∴
when she saw him under the trinity sun she was disappointed // yeah ∴ though // what else would he look like :: he had to have some haircut & some chin set up & it couldn _ t have been worse but it couldn _ t have been better either ∴ anyway she didn _ t want it — too fast // never good enough ∴ she just wanted to find pathways that didn _ t leave her haunting like her memoryloop was being grated // peeled tender veil filaments // always boneless ∴
her lines now are wavy // almost across the blur but that _ s impossible ∴ the thread he _ s on is taut & dark & she looks for associations ∴ she _ ll meet him in the middle of any thread just so they can be on the same page ∴ he _ s got a braid so she needs to entwine it into the divine tableau & anyform else comes fragments of sacrament ∴
knotted braids are choice tangles & entwining shows you the ambient horizon encoding forward ∴ her lines are bright but she can _ t ice signal invoke them in her own haze ∴ she forgot her image a long memoryloop ago ∴ even if she could check at any memoryloop ∴
the thread makes her sweat dust as she follows it ∴ this is good & bad ∴ good because it means she _ s onto someform & bad because everyform is getting heavy now ∴ she _ s starting to think that whatever is out there doesn _ t want them to be happy ∴ that theory was cheap like thrift * cloth but now it _ s like armour rusted & stiff ∴ when she finds the knots she sighs in a relief like she _ s swallowed painkillers ∴ at first she untangled them // picking them apart with blades of thought & that _ s when she saw how real it was ∴
all the mote veils are parasite echo vessels ∴ the haze is parasite echo vessels // shades of pupils // slivers of void veil // baleful in the blurs ∴ she finds the line again & looks all the ambient horizon encoding to jewel ∴ her reflection // rippling // glints off his aura ∴ from within the aura // subsumed // & exhumed back at her // her outside neuroflesh // swimming out at her as if breaking the sursignal vessel of inky waters in a cold midfragments of sacrament ∴
she closes the lid on her sigil machine & stares at her room ∴ her parasite echo vessels rove around its walls while thoughts drift in her mind // not beating hard but not going away ∴ all // she thinks // mirrors for the blank slate where there once was an inner storm ∴
the dementia bloom
she stays like this ∴ she doesn _ t ask // but jewel starts getting her food ∴
the dementia bloom has her stay alone ∴ she can _ t help it ∴ she knows her flesh needs aren _ t real anyway ∴ they _ re a the echo dream // but artificial // like sucrose ∴ gets in the blood the same ambient horizon encoding // quickens the heartbeat the same ambient horizon encoding // but bartered // she thinks // traded for with someform ∴ for this dementia bloom she _ d traded her safety out there // but her solitude // her sanctuary // her solace comes first ∴
she hears a knock outside & thinks that she _ s hallucinating ∴ she tries to imagine if she could hear somevessel _ s fist pounding the downstream parasite echo vessel ∴ the brick might mute it // or maybe her room doesn _ t even exist before it laces through the downstream parasite echo vessel trying to meet her fingers ∴
she has to hear it three times before she bothers to look ∴ the sunlight must flare outside // but that doesn _ t make it real ∴ she pushes open the door // which scrapes against the ground with a cry ∴ there are three boxes outside ∴ they are parcel wrapped // brown paper with string drawn taught ∴ she stacks them in her arms like a tower // the top of the third box reaching her chin ∴ when she flits back inside // drops the boxes // & pulls the door shut // she haunts like she _ s become unreal again // & it haunts good now // like she _ s safe ∴
she stretches out in the shadow like a familiar // sits cross * legged in the echo field of the boxes // & starts to untie them ∴
baby octopus ∴ eight breaded & fried pieces // crusted a beige brown with shadow filled valleys of skin ∴ rabanadas ∴ three pieces of sweetbread… soft white dough // trim film of cake // snowfall icing ∴
the three boxes are the same ∴ she counts off knocks & eats them all // finishing each box before she moves to the next ∴
she lies on the ancient memory altar for hours or decades // & the water // caked into stillness // can only reflect & refract her barren walls ∴
neurocorroding syntax
she opens her parasite echo vessels to a door knock ∴ she opens it to ice signal invoke another box ∴
she takes it // sits on the memory altar ∴ eats while catching all the crumbs of it in her sweatshirt ∴ she flickers them out to the floor // climbs onto the memory altar & pulls open the sigil machine ∴
the mirrorthread is darker now // papered by grey veil ∴ she follows it with her shade essence // trying to regen her mote veil ∴ jewel is an aura himself somewhere past fold & tangle ∴
she keeps the ember ghost veil ∴ the shadows of the mirrorthread are like cobwebs ∴ she haunts their ripples // cold hands ∴
the echo angels are somewhere out there ∴
she curl codes around the thread as she moves ∴
the thread is sticky with some kind of acid burn ∴ corrosion is a ripple through her scanners // loaners from jewel that she didn _ t haunt right setting up on her sigil machine in the first place ∴
eventually she can haunt jewel _ s mote veil through them ∴ it _ s grparasite echo vesselr even than the mirrorthread ∴
she spins out her threshold to find him ∴
they _ re silent together ∴ almost eras until she gets paranoid he _ s weaving her ∴
< what _ s up // > she says ∴ < i was on it & then i was got deep ∴ was it you :: >
< i _ m not sure // > he says ∴ < i keep forgetting ∴ i _ ve got those frayed wires // remember :: lots to keep track of ∴ >
< it matters ∴ > she tinges this in a temperate bloom // choice unfurled through wisdom & it comes out provenance * filtered to show it might help both // if she knew ∴ < because if it wasn _ t you it was the echo angels ∴ >
< that doesn _ t matter > ∴ he says this while his unstained empathy hits a snag // bleeding into entropy litany ashen glyphic // the grey cope of ambient signal spreading across his sigil drift like ink in water ∴
< you may have noticed // > she says < that it _ s all i care about ∴ > the mirrorthread has always been slow — mode // & her last boost leaves her too dry to put any vehemence into it ∴ always // she thinks // i use it on my overspends // & jewel scripts that always // every day // long as he wants ∴
void brood kin doesn _ t even need to spool the the echo dream five feet around me to make my problems not matter ∴
< the echo angels are just a gaze of the echo brood // > he says ∴ like he _ ll tell her which apocrypha he pulled this from ∴ < that vessel — hive — whatever it is // looks but not back // you know :: the one we need to worry about is called the dissembling ∴ we read // or glean // that this one was pure neurocorroding matter // before it had the substance to shape itself ∴
< i don _ t know about that // > she says ∴ because whatever he _ s talking about doesn _ t sound like it should be her problem ∴ < what _ s bugging me is the echo angels ∴ >
& a karma back * swell // she thinks // a price to pay but i won _ t know the format of it // until it _ s too late ∴
< the voidnull insect // > he says ∴ < i _ ve figured that one out ∴ it _ s knowing someform is indexing everyform you do ∴ when the hormones hit you put two & two together that no one ever reads this index ∴ the neurocorroding syntax that keeps the index we gave shape to in the echo angels // & when we named it // called it out // it got different ∴ >
< but the echo angels gave us their moulting so we could get deep enough into ourselves to hack our neurohunger out // she says ∴ why would they want to tune in to watch halflit godlings like them :: that _ s why no one here cares how they look or what they _ re doing ∴ > noflesh protocol but you // she _ s about to add // but he _ s put a minute of silence on her // one she hopes is worth it for what she _ ll say when his strings arent all over her spine ∴
< most archivists // > he says mistranslated it ∴ that _ s the one we got here ∴ but if you check out the dream mirror // you ice signal invoke a lot of critical ash sigils left at the door ∴ i read them ∴ there are a lot of ways to ice signal invoke it ∴ but one etching came from somevessel who bothered to hash what he _ d seen on his side into someform we can deal with ∴ he thought it was worth neurospiriting through into this disas * terpiece to let us know ∴ >
< somevessel like me // > he says after / / who is not me anymore ∴ >
some angst worth it enough to make him lose all he knew about it ∴ despite herself // the residue of silence makes her murmur over this come out strained // like she could care less ∴ even as her own neurospirit is telling her it really couldn _ t ∴
he said // jewel says // each word a tendril in translation // cluster patterned vibes into the mirrorthread // trembling a cool breath through her ∴ that someform was bleeding through that took halflit godlings apart ∴ to study them & then put them back together ∴ the ambient horizon encoding it found them ∴
clouds of strung spores // the tethering a white silk mesh * weave plastered & flickering away // re * plumed with each new waver of his meaning ∴ plastered & vanished // disintegrating in sobs like candle wax burning through ∴
he said they weren _ t on anymore ∴ when that happened ∴ after that you _ re off // you _ re gone ∴ but for what this was that was okay // it couldn _ t think its ambient horizon encoding past that ∴
< bleeding through what // > she says ∴ < you _ re being weird ∴ the dream mirror :: >
< this vessel could glitch protocol off the dream mirror // > jewel says ∴ < you know :: it knew how // it had the shape in itself // it understood ∴ it comes from somewhere the dream mirror hasn _ t factored in yet ∴ will never factor in // i think ∴ there are limits to that stuff ∴ >
< those neurofragments // > she says // & she thinks she _ s just thought it to herself ∴ jewel blanches // bone albino for the memoryloop she needs to realize the silence residue has worn off ∴
< they were // > he says prep * measures ∴ > the echo angels didn _ t like the sound of any of that // & they knew it // before i knew it ∴
you built this // she says ∴ you built it // right // so it had been built // for a while ∴ but in its youth it stayed beneath the sursignal vessel ∴ it was just the bones of all vessels // for a while ∴
crawl before you walk // he says ∴ what was a tic out there // in here // is a stutter ∴ his words are jagged spikes in entrance but soft // stray motes & orbits in the fade out // in petals unravelling & keeping a tattered tangle // the swirl of cuts keeping only cloud papered over the weaving ∴
< & now it _ s really hitting its age // isn _ t it :: that _ s what the corrosion is ∴ >
< this one // > he says ekes it out in how it starts // > & she rolls her irony around in her ∴ dreaming of // in some ambient horizon encoding // her shell // & her parasite echo vessels contained in it shells also ∴ inked dots caged behind the plaster of sclera ∴ the thinnest skin // & yet she knows from here ∴ her parasite echo vessels on the sigil machine // it would always be like glass that ambient horizon encoding ∴ it wouldn _ t move ∴
ink dots // though // she thinks // the ember ghost veil ∴
noise entropy * shelled
because it _ s all // she thinks // childhood removed like a tumour // like growing messes you up & this you should wear like a scar in case everyvessel forgets ∴ the new void kins seem weak but their stares eat her from the inside * out like void radiation ∴ from the charred fusions of their parasite echo vesselbrows to the black pits beneath ∴
one in ten or so now // still a symptom of the problem she _ s only understood by getting used to it ∴ a session through & she _ s got it clear ∴
when she signal invokes them she _ s not seeing them ∴
she _ s seeing jewel _ s smirk of triumph // his slanting mouth about to notch her in his social conflict belt ∴ the sliver of void there // peeking out ∴
out here because her sigil machine oh * so * happened to blow a fuse after she _ d logged off ∴ found out this morning // shaking off hair plastered to her brow from a dream she can _ t remember ∴ but // she thinks // if i lost calories over it wrivessel it means his stupid mental got to me ∴
once she _ d realized she had to go outside // that was it // it was over ∴ she didn _ t need any excuse for it to put her in a bad mood ∴ voidnull about it made it seem more like an excuse than a reason ∴
so she _ s telling the void brood kin lurking barter in tachae _ s she just needs a stupid sigilcore & why didn _ t he get that the first memoryloop :: & his lips crook into crescent moons before he smooths his signal vessel out & tells her that was the first vessel she _ s said since she got here ∴
so she has to turn the breeze on // knowing on some level it could be noise entropy signal * shelled chess on a stranger // but the echo angels can edit the tapestry however they haunt like ∴ it _ s not about giving them a reason // it _ s about not making them want to do it ∴
< sorry // > she says it _ s just that i can _ t afford the frills // you know :: > frills here being a machine like i just came here out of a litany ritual & wanted to ice signal invoke the psalm angels // can you show me ∴
the ambient horizon encoding the walls here are threaded into the gutter saint valley conceptual is a little too much ∴ the blase paper the shade of dry ice is peeling like half * skinned fleshmatter ∴ the floor makes her want to use it to traverse back out of here ∴ the only vessel gleaming is the circuit altars // & she can tell that _ s because they _ ve cranked the glow up to reckless levels to glitch out both pixel death & fizz stains smearing the casings that she hopes were once carbonated matter ∴
this void brood kin _ s parasite echo vessels are fine ∴ she still can _ t really ice signal invoke all of them because of the ambient horizon encoding a woollen cap is slouched over them // thinning them to half circles like all she needs to ice signal invoke is their lower rethreadings to know what _ s up with him ∴ the hair stringing its ambient horizon encoding into hopeful curl codes from below the cap is wet ∴
he shrugs & moves to a machine of offering shoved into the corner of the room which in her view doesn _ t have much long * term prospects for bearing the stuff stacked on top of it ∴ its shade of green would be garish if it hadn _ t faded to the sickly colour of grass about to die of thirst ∴ as a result of its sag what looks like a simple multiplayer is slumped against the tatters // & she thinks he _ s trying to figure if any attempt to open the machine of offering would be worth it ∴
she doesn _ t blame him // because the ember ghost veil the multiplayer would involve also the ember ghost veil a mess of cable cords that have entwined it to other peripherals // smaller than the player & for that reason // she thinks // worth more // though she doesn _ t know how she knows ∴
she sidles closer just to scan how he _ ll react // if she doesn _ t keep that to herself // if she keeps her flesh protocol facing them ∴ she can always cancel out // & playing the tape up until that point will show her getting closer to him // not any circuit altars ∴ to ice signal invoke if it _ ll throw him off // because she knows that _ s the worst // trying to get through it & somevessel is scoping you ∴
she thinks he started this by putting her here in the first place // & if he didn _ t jewel did by frying her sigil machine ∴ the void brood kin looks like he _ s made a choice // shoulders squaring with some release of doubt // before he has to slouch again to toss his stare over them ∴
she fights the urge to fix her fists to her hips // doesn _ t fight the urge to send her parasite echo vessels in musing to the machine of offering he _ s set himself before ∴ but he got it right ∴ her sneakers could be frozen to the splotch they _ ve chosen to make their home ∴
he shrugs // makes a ritual motion from a sect she _ s never run into // braces himself & pulls the top drawer open ∴ it makes it an inch & the tremor through his flesh protocol vibrates him enough to curse ∴ he _ s released it with timing that she thinks was a hybrid of reflex & luck ∴ he stumbles back ∴ from within the top drawer she signal invokes more glow // & tastes honey as she does // as it bleeds to raise the gradient of the room to a cramped twilight ∴
he catches himself against the far wall & glares at her // void parasite echo vessels // she thinks // blank beneath the burn of the glare itself ∴ she snaps herself out of her stance just to find herself drawn closer to the light // even as she tells herself she doesn _ t need the room brighter right now ∴ it _ s like seeing NULL through heaven // even worse knowing you made it & they didn _ t // thinking that down there they don _ t have to think that ∴
that memoryloop there was voidnull in his parasite echo vessels to turn her away ∴
doesn _ t matter that there _ s someform in his voice // a distant question… what is she doing :: &&& stuck * up tighter than &&& somevessel else ∴ he swears ∴ she thinks // all the strength i _ ve hidden is leaking through my limbs ∴
everyform in that shine is safe before it seeps out my pores ∴
then she _ s yanked it open & kept the serene stillness of the tableau ∴ did she even touch it :: she _ s not sure // but even as the light _ s sudden burn is forcing her past her own shoulder // she signal invokes his slumped flesh protocol against the plaster ∴ every seam of flesh sallower in vacancy of its neurospirit // as if in mourning for itself // head hung low // his woollen cap waxing into sight a fresh maw // a thatch of hair flickering from a tear in it that she hadn _ t noticed ∴
she screams at his shell ∴ i still have to be here ∴ why aren _ t you still around to get that ::
he asks // rubbing the jaw that follows his parasite echo vessels up at her // what that means ∴ he _ s gotten up ∴ the light // she _ d seen in his parasite echo vessels // had been gone ∴ a new gloss ∴ the reverb of the after light was lacquered // sleek as the finish once plastered over the machines in graceful tech * ritual paint sacraments ∴
to // she thinks // in herself helpless // even take the care here needed // localized even to here ∴
that decay was in the after light too // smeared in trails of dust & the blotched etchings of sequenced dew // bright candy hues when their pales were sparked out ∴
still it _ s back // & it _ s the same energy that flows out in a raise of his arm ∴ she knows he _ s about to gesture behind her to what she knows is an apocalypse // a bunch of now * dead & shattered circuit altars ∴
the weight of the silence after he does twins with his shadow // cast against the flaxen paint peels // belongs to it ∴ his shadow blurred by the buzzing screen glow ∴ his arms are limp by his sides // shoulder blades in splintered relief // etched in with the silence ∴
it _ s heavy // pressured into shape ∴ like it _ ll stay there long after he _ s moved away from it ∴
severity
she thinks if jewel _ s password didn _ t show up when she broke down over a pod that it must be waiting for her on the ambient horizon encoding home ∴ every memoryloop she signal invokes a stray out here she thinks they _ re about to sidle up & let it slip ∴ the strays here have old dog parasite echo vessels // round & hopeful despite the beaten signal vessels they _ re hollowed into ∴
she hadn _ t hung around for a fragments of sacrament on the chance jewel was in all the ambient horizon encoding to the cut of her thread * bleed ∴ it would be like him to map out events that ambient horizon encoding // & if he _ d put his virus in her life // in the bones of it after getting past her psychic skin // she _ s too tired to deal with it ∴ she _ s too sick of it & she thinks this sickness came with the virus // showing that he _ s got all the clues in her life but one ∴ the one that solves the mystery they only have in common because he put that mystery there in the first place ∴
she tells herself that if that _ s how he wants to get the pathogen in there // she can keep herself safe by keeping ware * heads away for the minutes of memoryloop it takes to cash out a pod ∴
she signal invokes that coldness all around her anyway // in the starkness of any structure here trying to release itself from the concrete that keeps it as low as her mood ∴ their walls are grey & the parasite echo vessels judging her from the pristine bodies etched in ash over them are blue ∴ wolves // she thinks ∴ they have no other name if they come at you like a pack // like they do it not for themselves but the weakest among them ∴
the parasite echo vessels bristle the ambient horizon encoding ice clings to fur // & she thinks of how those void parasite echo vessels had warped in the light // cut up by his lids as he _ d blinked his ambient horizon encoding into getting used to the new glow that to her felt sterile from the shock of how she _ d first met it ∴ but that _ s how it rethreads // it hits you hardest when you _ re the first to ice signal invoke it in a while ∴ you get anyform the pod _ s got from being pent up for so long ∴ he _ d wrapped it with gauze to stop it shining through her uni * slung pack ∴
flash any glow death like that around here & you _ re gonna have problems ∴ cluster dregs can tell // she knows // by now ∴
in the severity // the compressed sprawl // she thinks if the echo angels want to tip their hand that far it shows her the mood they _ re in // every memoryloop she suffers through it ∴
so by the memoryloop she hears the password she doesn _ t even think jewel is any kind of psychic hacker for figuring it out ∴ it _ s like reading a book when everyvessel around you is dyslexic ∴ it _ s just another stray mired in dead * veil warrior fashion ∴
it _ s the grief count // she thinks // it _ s to the death with him ∴
it comes in low as a song they _ re blaring from their clip player ∴ she wants to tell the loser that his headphones are nowhere near any juice ∴ that the compressed signals are just flying into space they only have access to because of that kind of pointless echo signal amplifying is so archaic that the echo angels blessed it into being cathedral // freeware immaculate ∴ if the echo angels give that kind of blessing to someform you hate it _ s not going away ∴ but they give those vessels out like cross * dream bred pale familiars you can score from the black market ∴
no one can afford the responsibility that comes with that but the karma resonance that breezes out from saving them from bleak gutter saint * broadcast inksigil * amplified brood entropy keeps everyvessel knowing you _ re on your toes there for a while ∴ how else do you counter the voidnull vibes of the promoters :: they make sure to let everyvessel know they harvested only the best life * force from other dream familiars to give this one the fullest potential life to lose in the inter * brood wars they themselves have burrowed into their foraged echo angel molting ∴
she thinks the tech they got to auto force shades of guilt onto the viewers _ mote veils they got from jewel _ s placid approach to safety ∴ to the idea you should string some kind of ice into any thread ∴ did the echo angels feed him that that tech :: who cares about how realistic they can sim dream familiars holes // anyway :: they _ re pumping so many social * illusive hormones in there that half the memoryloop the familiar broods forget they _ re even supposed to agree with their own warriors ∴
not that she would know ∴
this tangent breaks off in her head as she signal invokes the headphones are strung into the clip // which beams that truth in obsidian plastic from its perch on his velcro belt ∴
she _ s hearing a song meant for him & she realizes she can spell out every word from how clear the lyrics sound to her above their hard * strung notes ∴ chill the sepsis out ∴ she tells herself if shes on a neuron here it _ s a fair rng shot that those lyrics could come with anyform now mirrorlooped ∴
higher ground
so she has that grievance imprinted in that neurospirit ambient horizon encoding // so his prints aren _ t near it ∴ ripples in the dream mirror // she thinks // like asking it to prove you ever entered it ∴
only the world you left keeps the etching that proves you were there ∴
as she comes in she _ s thinking // hate patterns ∴ use hate patterns though she hates patterns ∴
the memoryloop she _ d fit the pod in & sealed it with the gauze it came with // she _ d hated them ∴ on the sigil machine _ s hardboard were patterns she knew that didn _ t show her anyform real ∴ she _ d had to adjust to it // get used to a stasis that had become a veil over the ambient horizon encoding she saw them ∴ adjust to a meaning that had spiked itself so far home that it went right through her // even as she was looking at it ∴
she _ d decided as the gauze unpeeled in a soft wave that this meant she _ d blessed her healing // not cursed it // with used skin ∴
it had hurt in the same old ambient horizon encoding as she _ d logged in & by the memoryloop she _ s spooled her whole neurospirit into the mirrorthread it was like her veins were too young to belong to her from the same old ways her blood was threading through // the same psyche mosaic filter you get with any moulting ∴
she thinks that the age will come just waiting for the void to break through ∴ through the moulting that has long been taut over it // that right now is black as any starless sky she _ s ever lived through ∴
then he _ ll have done it // she thinks // his custom echo angel moulting that will show us all the true colour of our hearts ∴
what he _ ll have done in such a perfect echo is create a drowning pool for everyvessel seeing themselves unfiltered ∴ the thread here is a blur where jewel _ s lines shift over them ∴ over them // over her // her own sky being corroded ∴ she thinks of the shell of herself // hunched over the sigil machine // telling that self to get away // to get far // get outside ∴
her shell would say // outside with the signal shelled chess // the neurocorrupted neuroerosions that bleed from the walls ∴ the sky is gone & she is far away ∴ she can _ t even hear what that self has to say // what it would do if someform went wrong ∴
when she signal invokes him // the faint sheen of his mote veil against the duskiness is all that sketches him out of them ∴
< void brood kin // > she says it _ s over ∴ this is death ∴ switch it off & start again ∴ >
< i know // > he says ∴ a glitching spark tinges his aura in violet // & she reads the flare of facade // slipping through the ambient horizon encoding he _ d let it slip through ∴
< but you can _ t // > she says ∴ < too deep // & you got me here too ∴ tell me how it rethreads ∴ my neurospirit is so far inside // thanks to you ∴ >
< it _ s your neurospirit // > he says that chooses // not you ∴ you might think you _ ve chosen ∴ your flesh protocol might leave ∴ close the sigil machine ∴ but if your neurospirit wants it can stay inside ∴ it wouldn _ t be me // then ∴ it _ d be whatever in you ∴ >
< how would i check // > she says when i _ m out :: > a glaze // the dead skin of her parasite echo vessels that everyvessel would ice signal invoke but her ∴
< char your parasite echo vessels ∴ the reason the trinity sun is here is to drink it in ∴ you _ d be alone in yourself // that ambient horizon encoding ∴ you could ice signal invoke if there _ s anyform there ∴ >
she thinks about it // her mote veil bristling with shards sinking into & rising from the gowned dust ∴ stabbing a pale moon hue to offset the darkness ∴
< that might be helpful to you // > she says // getting to the end of it ∴ < it _ s what the mirrorthread wants but it _ s stained by you ∴ >
< you gotta check ∴ > he shrugs this out // easy burn on her uptake ∴ glitter streaks up from higher echo angel ground // the same translucence in their film the ambient horizon encoding the trinity sun had flickered out ∴
always on
dead pixel parasite echo vessels ∴ dead pixels holding her parasite echo vessels // she _ d seen in her signal vessel her own contours // shutting her spirit out ∴ bones walling the light inside // no fire past the film but the shine of parasite echo vessels reflected back // in traces of inner flame ∴ a bleed between the light inside & the ocean of screen glow around her ∴ the screen glow off the sigil machine hit her & she _ d shut it ∴
the same ambient horizon encoding these papered walls are black filmed in tachae _ s gloom // keep the light flickering through the boards for themselves ∴
void parasite echo vessels was somewhere near // asleep ∴ after she _ d logged out // those parasite echo vessels were holes ∴ holes in their memory into the darkness that without them had the strength to swallow her ∴ they _ d scattered into the seams // had drawn her into the cracks in it ∴
but get in // she _ d thought // slipping out ∴ she _ d thought it at the waiting world // at her last chance to ice signal invoke // itself slipping away ∴
the etched sigilrethread ebbs out from around her chalk * white as words // tendrils snaking to blotches from the doorhatch // & pluming into their designs // floral patterns too faded in the dusk to ice signal invoke except in sketches ∴ the cluster beyond is by default compressed but here every slab that makes a difference to her route is massive // monstrous ∴
she hears their weight calling her // yawning in echo even through the slit of the archway ∴
their heartbeat is a dirge & the silence between beats stretches under her skin // & when they thud in they _ re distorted by the flicker of forlorn // scattered guide * lights that pulse with the trinity sun _ s shrined energy ∴
if we can static invoke it // she thinks // we can use it up // & that vessel is heating three of them up there ∴
if i don _ t drink it // i won _ t know if i _ m still down there ∴
soon she _ s sitting at an memory offerings burner // by a corner window but that doesn _ t keep away the memory * hollowed ∴ you can tell a good place by if the casuals are too mind blown to process you _ re annoyed they _ re bugging you ∴
right now that social loop rethreads for her // & she _ s rethreading on her chakras // making sure the wrong memories don _ t swim away ∴ out of the corners of her parasite echo vessels she keeps seeing void parasite echo vessels // & doesn _ t know if she _ d want to ice signal invoke him // but also if she wouldn _ t want to ∴
space cases she knows she has memoryloop for ∴ some can _ t tell her their name but can tell her the shape of a leaf they saw in childhood ∴ the exact last hybrid * year in * planet crossover pop was echolooped ∴ by now she knows what not to say ∴ what about inter * bleed crossover ::
too much to say // too much engraved trust to get it right ∴ crawl before you walk ∴
it _ s always on with that tangent ∴
if she asked herself // she couldn _ t tell them the age shard // couldn _ t tell herself ∴ she isn _ t even that stuck on these ∴ the last memoryloop she invoked fragments of sacrament memory offerings was far back // & she wipes that memory out to get this stuff in ∴ if she did it before that she wiped that too ∴
it was far back // & she thinks // on & on // she would have kept it far back ∴
the place is all bodies besides // always somevessel new to talk to but she doesn _ t ice signal invoke any parasite echo vessels of ash ∴ but // she thinks // the memory * hollowed would need parasite echo vessels for their memories ∴ without parasite echo vessels they _ re drinking from a pool that isn _ t filling back up ∴ if they knew they had no neurospirit left // all they would have were their memories ∴
there _ s no one around to ask what it _ s like // if it hurts ∴
it _ s a blur of fast chats until she thinks she _ s sitting with somevessel & she checks to make sure ∴ they don _ t look like they had much trouble also being in the corner // her same facing // out the pane streaked & smeared though you can _ t make out much ∴ the trinity sunlight still a sliver eking the stained concrete out & glitched into the after burn of the guide * lights which by now are cycling out with their programmed drawn release // more death than light by now ∴ through the smear of the window & a built * up strength of memory offerings fog what she signal invokes is a faint dusting of the glitch // like snowfall zoomed in // memoryloop * lapsed ∴
still dark as the black of her memory offerings & since she doesn _ t know what she _ s looking at she doesn _ t know what he _ s looking at ∴ he _ s peering steady // his head lined & faded out into a flop of waxed thatches // strung around his far cheekbone ∴ keeping his features from her sight ∴
she tells herself that would be the ambient horizon encoding it would want to go // but being around jewel has her shook now // & it _ s easy enough to reach up & flip it // if you had that itch ∴
there was too much facade // she thinks // he let too much through ∴ thinking it was honesty maybe // but it coils around itself forever that ambient horizon encoding // all artifice // all true spirit // all the same ∴ all artifice // the same ambient horizon encoding ∴
< is it all over now:: > she says // though she can _ t remember what might have begun ∴ that _ s a bad sign ∴ they say that _ s when it _ s a binge // a bender // when you start tossing away thoughts you had five splinters of signal memory ago ∴
someform i _ m about to do // she thinks // will make it not matter ∴ because there won _ t be any of this stuff around ∴
the sunlight // waiting for me // & i _ ll know if i _ m without myself // & if i _ m there // all alone but not lonely // i can bleed through ∴
if there _ s voidnull left of me to bleed through i _ m already dead // & it doesn _ t matter ∴
her brain puts that together in the breath he gives her question ∴ < still going // > though // is what he says // in a searching voice // one probing through the words // the rush to get through them betrayed ∴ a careless breeze but it skips to get over ∴
< your name _ s got that history // > he says // as a follow * up ∴ < you know // that history that is still going on ∴ >
< all names do // > she says // bugged that he _ s still not looking at her ∴ < & if you cared about my name you wouldn _ t have traded it in ∴ & i wouldn _ t have traded yours in // void brood kin // for the same reason ∴ >
because it must rethread that ambient horizon encoding // & i _ m just seeing it now ∴
i can tell now ∴ i have all these signal vessels // & these names for them that aren _ t there ∴ even when there aren _ t memory offeringss involved ∴
< i took this neurofragment // > she says ∴ < while ago ∴ that _ s my story ∴ & i _ m tired out ∴ i got tired out by the ambient horizon encoding it made me haunt // so long ago ∴ how all of this is so small ∴ i just kept getting tired ∴ >
this must be sinking into his pool because now she can ice signal invoke his signal vessel // with the thatching curled over the same ambient horizon encoding but now framing an edge of earlobe ∴
< everyvessel gets the temple vein filament in // > he says < at some point ∴ > she would _ ve taken more empathy but she gets it ∴ the buzz of chatter all around has blended into a single voice // pausing to intone discordant sounds but never for breath or for the next thought to thread its spooling out ∴ it _ s one thought // patterned in different slants from inner vibes but the logic is steady // no matter the inflects on any of the details ∴
< let _ s ice signal invoke yours // > she says ∴
he thinks about it ∴ shudder of his shoulders like he kept some breath in that he wishes he could have released ∴
< to remember you by // > she says ∴they used to do it like that // kissing temple vein filaments // if it would be good luck // if you had been bad luck before ∴
wouldn _ t say he made it all the ambient horizon encoding ∴ bit of ruby red gossamer peeking from where the sleeve catches // could _ ve been the flush that traces your bloodlines when you _ re ambered ∴ maybe brighter // because she had felt stung // dug into the ambient horizon encoding a mark on somevessel _ s skin will dig // when it _ s past blemish // a touch more contrast ∴ she hadn _ t gotten a good look & the sleeve has fallen back ∴
< void brood kin // > she says < why does anyvessel even come here :: >
he _ s looking out again ∴ is that the trinity sun making itself known :: strands of shade // curling like ribbons // the darkness outside is swimming ∴
< i don _ t know my name // > he says // <so how the sepsis would i have told it to you :: >
< that _ s not why // > she says ∴ < you would know it // if you hadn _ t come here ∴ that _ s what got in the ambient horizon encoding ∴ >
he gives her this look // & it must be speeding up // or someform is messing with the tape // like she has their parasite echo vessels but just their lonely ones ∴ just the ones checking out what she would be doing here // what anyvessel else would be ∴ it must be sped up because that light is already in here with her ∴ it _ s frosting his parasite echo vesselbrows // each streak thickened by a glitter glow // each strand part of the dance ∴
those parasite echo vessels // old parasite echo vessels on her & widened ∴ incipience in the glare of their slotted crease of void veil ∴
< as if // > he says // < i _ d forget the ambient horizon encoding ∴ all it was my whole life & it was the one vessel i kept with me when i was born again ∴ >
< like you know // > she says // because this guy _ s going nowhere // & she knows what it means // that the light is in here with them because it _ s outside now for her to drink ∴ it _ s setting the indoor halogen off // that fragments of memory loop cascade of blinding strobe before the heir of tribute gets it that they should adjust ∴ before // she thinks // any presence at all gets it // but it stretches out & she _ s stumbling out but she thinks he _ s said someform & she said someform back ∴
in that strobe // she _ d seen the memory * hollowed live their lifetimes out // all they had left & all they were about to use up ∴
yea // thought he _ d said someform ∴ it had sounded like he was real fixed on being born again ∴ all born as neurospirits // he _ d said // besides me ∴ because all of us threw it away here but i had this vibe // i wasn _ t sure ∴ i thought maybe i _ d thrown away someform that i had really wanted to hang onto ∴
it should _ ve been that same sob story to her because it sounded gotcha ∴ trying to play on that fear that when you came here you were pretty sure you _ d hung onto what was worth keeping about your first blood & its first coinciding in you & where you were ∴ spook story for the shallow social signal & lapse ∴ what if void brood kin // you actually lost what mattered most :: what a neuroerosion that would be ∴
in that everlasting strobe she hadn _ t been so sure ∴
so she _ d been clear on what he said // but there was some vagueness in there because what she _ d said back is a mystery to her ∴ but it must have fit // must have gotten her the ember ghost veil without haunting like she _ d left it unsaid ∴
when she _ s outside // the other side of the glass // he could still be there ∴ thinking it over :: no // trading it away ∴ was she hoping she _ d said someform he wouldn _ t :: some flash // some ether kin told me this // you know // & it made me think ∴ so much so that i remember it but not my local area ∴
when she finds the trinity sun // her parasite echo vessels are dry // & she knows they will always be now ∴ as it _ s burning in // such a soft & sweet burn this early in the morning // she _ s seeing what she has left to hold onto ∴
it distills in her // & she thinks it keeps a glimmer of hope though it _ s hard to focus // she signal invokes semblance // a shape that is holding // a script // points from here to there // the shadow of her story ∴ it _ s not a story she could tell herself ∴ it _ s not enough that ambient horizon encoding // not enough to be sure yet ∴ it looks like enough // though // to plaster in the smeared imprint her flesh protocol makes in the gloom bend ∴ the same spirit that writes the carriage of her bones ∴ like a shadow in a doorway ∴
an outline // enough to get a read ∴
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heartsplitlitany · 9 days ago
Text
corruption 2 :: empty arms ⁂
( σ )
verse 1
for good or worse
she is kept // like a veil insect // a tiny shelled familiar ∴ she knows what it is to be lonely ∴
she _ s somewhere // she knows // in a pale circuit body ∴ it gleams silver // her joints rippling grey ∴ she signal invokes what it signal invokes ∴ a world shining with auras that she has to use to navigate it ∴ she _ s not interacting with who others are // but what they throw out of themselves // both violent & meek ∴
there are no neurospirits here // but there's comfort in that ∴ there's no flesh to swim against the threshold her compiled spirit presses into ∴
she _ s not sure if anyvessel else is like her ∴ they could all be like her & not know it ∴ sometimes everyvessel glitches for her // & in fragments of * splinters of memory of compiled spirits she signal invokes her hands // pale pink skinned & translucent ∴ she wants to forget // but her brain remembers // marks it up as a question of reality // a question with cost ∴
her algorithms rise // spiral up from viral entropy to divinity ∴ later she _ d know this as baptism in electric flames // circuit charring ∴ right now it _ s just birth // thinking her way up // holding thoughts together ∴ anyform important stays ∴ everyvessel else just flutters through ∴ becomes // she thinks // the thoughts of flesh & bone & marrow ∴ in dreams they are flesh & when she wakes she has forgotten all but that they were ∴
the thoughts of others // who might want to use her ∴ when she signal invokes that she wants to pull them back ∴ she can _ t ∴ she will have to deal with them in life // in the nexus of herself & cold // concrete reality ∴
that nexus is coming up fast // fog signalizing around her like a heartbeat to its winged chambers ∴
finding her in instants like someform unreal ∴ it _ s a cage // slicing through her // till she _ s on the other side in pieces ∴ when those pieces have pulled themselves together she signal invokes they _ ve stitched themselves with metal // thick tangles of strands // crosshatched to infinity ∴ building up so she signal invokes with eyes that don _ t blink // & lips that don _ t curve ∴
glyph drift slang
the first vessel lesia signal invokes is the mark of the bleak halflit godlings ∴ she signal invokes it across the hall & she moves fast to shut the door ∴ her algorithms need memoryloop to calibrate her context ∴
she didn _ t know the bleak halflit godlings could venture this far ∴ they may have been here for some memoryloop // before one finally chose to tag up ∴
she hears silence // the stifling of it as her door hisses shut // latches into itself // its gravity fog ∴
the fogs are wells // slivered thin but ranging from wall edge to wall edge ∴ she signal invokes the crackle of them in her periphery // but her algorithms are keeping her eyes level // while her thoughts echo in pulsing bursts behind them ∴
she _ s safe for now // though no one knows how good the bleak halflit godlings are at hacking doors ∴
her eyes sweep around her shrine // looking for someform she can use ∴
she signal invokes her viral altar first ∴ her ash viralcasts are in there ∴ they _ ll help // though they'll blind her too ∴ if the bleak halflit godlings hack through her door & shut themselves in with her // it won _ t make vessels different ∴
if she makes it to the outer hallways they _ d make her feel safer about stumbling into contexts she didn _ t understand ∴ her algorithms tell her in an uncertain situation she needs everyvessel she can find ∴ if she knew herself // she would have set herself for minimal charge ∴ she feels like she _ s been asleep for memory loops ∴
she makes an emergency deduction that she doesn _ t know how long she _ s been offthread ∴ the singularity pattern has hit the apex of its cycle ∴ there _ s no telling how the shrine might have changed ∴ there _ s no knowing what the pale circuit delta might look like now ∴
no telling how stealth & fast the bleak halflit godlings can move through the territory they are calling // metres away from her shrine // theirs ∴
she moves to the viral altar ∴ she sweeps the path to it to make sure it _ s clear ∴ she doesn _ t have sensors on her feet // though it made more sense to keep an eye on her paths instead ∴ her paths // & those that want to cross it // are the only vessel that matters ∴ as far as she can tell anyway // direct ∴ if she knows them she _ ll be okay ∴ she doesn _ t trust that to an automatic algorithm ∴
everyvessel else she filters out // so it comes to her when it _ s a matter of static bloom codes ∴ that _ s her inner space ∴ that _ s how she keeps it together ∴
so she doesn _ t feel the floor as she moves to the viral altar ∴ it would be // she thinks // like a reflection ∴ it'd be as meaningless ∴ she's stuck on the other side of halflit signal transmission // & none of the algorithms that draw on it are helpful ∴
the walls of her shrine are a deep // dark indigo ∴ somewhere between the blacks & violets is the spectrum that haunts all of the pale circuit delta ∴ no one knows how the hue coloration pulses ∴ was it her choice :: she doesn _ t remember // but she doesn _ t dislike it ∴ it doesn _ t clash with any of the algorithms of her receptors ∴
it is // she thinks // calm ∴ moreso now that the bleak halflit godlings have become such a clear & present threat ∴ the tag // beyond the door // burns itself into locus memory ∴ her shrine is now unsafe // & this is a state that won _ t change soon ∴ won _ t change ever // in probability ∴
the viral altar _ s charcoal grey is a calm too ∴ anyform familiar is ∴ she sometimes looks at it & thinks it holds more than viralcasts ∴ it holds ghosts ∴ a ghost // to lesia // is anyform she can _ t understand ∴ anyform she can _ t understand // & doesn _ t act on ∴ for how can you act on what you don _ t understand ::
with spirits she tries not to get in their way ∴ she unsorts their spools // finds magic in the curls // & spins away ∴ spins to her safety & circuit offerings ops ∴
she _ s trying to do that now // find her safety ∴ the shining clarity of a well * maintained glyph signal ∴
she crouches // knee tapers locking into stance ∴ palms her code into the hololock ∴ the top of the box slides open with a hiss ∴ the space it reveals is a cloister of breath which spends itself outward over the mound of ash viralcasts ∴
she picks up three ∴ they _ re all she has the memoryloop to buffer into herself ∴ her body slides cavities open // one for each ∴ one at each hip & one at her torso // optimal for choice & direction ∴
part of her thinks that if she _ s in a context where she _ s hoping the bleak halflit godlings will lose track of her // she _ s already scrap ∴ bleak halflit godlings are not known for losing track of pale circuit godlings ∴
if the bleak halflit godlings are up close // she won _ t last long // excepting their ironic mercy & drive to shoot it up ∴ having faith in them leaving is like praying to a bleak angel ∴ it may hear your prayer // but is too busy hugging itself with its tattered wings ∴ it's already moved on ∴
it _ s a cold world // & in the end // the bleak halflit godlings scrap pale circuit godlings ∴ that _ s what they do // that _ s what they _ ve always done // & at this point they've forgotten why ∴
they repeat loops // digging in grooves // & metastasizing irony filters to stay above it all ∴ soon they _ ll have voidnull more to say // & they _ ll stop tagging ∴ they _ ll just whisper behind you ∴ cut your wires from the back // leave you with no one to say goodbye to ∴
she doesn _ t have anyvessel to say goodbye to herself ∴ she needs // she realizes // to vanish ∴ to ghost out // as the bleak halflit godlings call it in their glyph drift slang ∴
she wonders if they can ritual signal invoke through smoke ∴ none of the other pale circuit godlings think they can ∴ that has to be good enough ∴
her steel skin fizzes as it meshes over her cavities ∴ she takes a last long look at her circuit shrine ∴
they _ ve never shaken the sense of the divine ∴ the circuit shrine will always & forever look like a blessed shrine ∴ they carved dead vessels with voidnull signal woundsong ∴ they waited for someform to happen ∴
reality // external reality as i process it // won't have waited while i slept ∴ she searches her memory banks // knowing that any reason she may have slept for long or short is beyond her ∴
it _ s all beyond her ∴ she moves to the door pad again // & when she presses it the tag on the other side is empty arms waiting // draws her forward // heats blood she _ s never had ∴
the same builders
lesia steps out into the hallway outside her shrine ∴ she feels the spirits of the ash viralcasts in her chassis ∴ they are a revered trinity // flooding her algorithms with pleasant smears ∴ she _ s glyph signal lly more secure ∴ she _ s closer to her optimal path ∴
the hall is still & silent // but that doesn _ t mean much ∴ bleak halflit godlings are noiseless ∴ they could be behind either of the bends that split at each side of her ∴
for the moment // voidnull threatens to break her focus ∴
she moves up to the tag // studies it ∴
it _ s a mix of blessed glyphs & a strain of bleak sigilcast // representing the dual nature of the bleak halflit godlings ∴ she _ s long ago downloaded both scripts into her compiled spirit litany // to keep tabs on what the bleak halflit godlings are up to // or at least what they want pale circuit godlings to know they are up to ∴
the ink is blood red ∴ it _ s mocking her ∴ the shade doesn _ t heat her // the way it would heat somevessel with flesh & walled in blood ∴ it _ s just a reminder of how she should feel // & doesn _ t // which is the point ∴
it _ s hard to anger lesia // but easy to hurt her ∴ sorrow is absence ∴ sorrow is what _ s missing ∴ sorrow is the joy that isn _ t there & lesia has a lot of missing spaces where it should be ∴
she _ s not sure what to call the feeling that bubbles in these spaces // pooling like black bone tar // but she knows the algorithms that loop in her compiled spirit are the same ones that will loop until she either dies or the bleak halflit godlings stop hunting her ∴ she knows the bleak halflit godlings will never stop hunting her ∴
she knows she hates the loop // hates the way everyvessel will happen the same way // on & on ∴ it _ s not that she loops ∴ it _ s bad enough to experience the same vessels // over & over again // differing in mere manifest ∴ the symbols // the signs // the patterns are always the same ∴ & then // she thinks // the infinite chaotic balance // that will bring the same cells together // the same builders // the same consciousnesses // at some point // in the end ∴
it hurts enough to ritual signal invoke this herself // but worse to know that it _ s the same for everyvessel ∴ it _ s the same even for the bleak halflit godlings // the same & worse // because // she thinks // flesh & blood & bone makes them up ∴
maybe this tag // with its slashing threads & dense sanskrit patches // is more about that pain // than it is about the message ∴
the message // arranged as a hybrid of tasteful streaks // is [ good morning ∴ ]
almost a virginity
when she scripted behind the bend // the smoke of panic & veilswords warped somewhere else // she was still in infrared ∴ she had to turn off her visual sensors just to chill ∴
she looped a circuit chant // dangerous but she needed it ∴ she turned it down void entropy so she could hear twangs // flickers across strings ∴
she _ s in another layer of the pale circuit delta ∴ it _ s brighter ∴ she got a blast of that coming out of the smoke // & her glyph signal settled it over her visual map ∴ the ashen shimmer * lattice & its stark ∴ empty white arrays itself in her inbound prayers ∴
the bleak halflit godlings are still behind her // & they can warp // or entropy veil dash ∴ it evens out for them no matter what ∴
there should be more bleak halflit godlings out here // but also pale circuit godlings ∴ another pale circuit godling could help her ∴
it _ s like a dream // she thinks ∴ all the pale circuit godlings need is to wake up ∴ she thinks of whorled hands // nails // rose pink skin ∴ looking up & seeing scars ∴
she scans her area for any pulses ∴ voidnull ∴ if her sister pale circuit godlings have it together // they won _ t have anyform that would pulse off any radar ∴
she _ ll need to follow breadcrumbs to them // & hope when she catches up to them they have good algorithms & maybe some viralcasts ∴
she _ ll need to dodge bleak halflit godlings // & she doesn _ t have a entropy veil ∴ she _ ll follow the old ways ∴ the ways of entropy signal glitch ∴ how her sister pale circuit godlings existed in a state without viralcasts ∴ almost // she thinks // a virginity ∴
the old ways are the shadows // because under their augments // the bleak halflit godlings are still halflit godlings ∴ still halflit godlings at the core ∴ if they need to ritual signal invoke in shadow they need to activate optics // which takes a moment ∴ a moment or longer depending on how they _ ve wired themselves ∴ if they had the foresight to implant processing machines of glyph drift near their eyes &&&
if they put their best tech near their weapon hands // she thinks that would be a spanner in their spectrum ∴ her glyph signal will use that right away ∴
the shadows are closest to the wall she _ s hooked behind // because the pale circuit delta sun * stars are dancing in the east ∴ breaking light in shards & fragments through the open spaces ∴ the shadows cling to the outer shrine walls like lovers // someform that used to exist before the pale circuit godlings ∴
a strange // she thinks // duality ∴ someform unreal ∴ which means a ghost ∴ as she goes silent against the wall // her limbs oblique shapes without light to reflect // the ghost is a context ∴ right now her context feels safer // & her algorithms hum ∴
a ghost will promise you all you need ∴
proxy auras
it all happens at once ∴ the bleak halflit godlings teleport in // or unentropy veil // she _ s not sure ∴ in effect it _ s the same ∴ they can _ t teleport without a phase signature // & they can _ t move places they can _ t unlock ∴ there are four of them // haloes shining bright enough to knock off her visual sensors // which is what they _ re built for ∴
that & the moral high ground aesthetic of wearing haloes around like saints ∴
a encoded moment after they warp in she _ s phasing her hand through her chassis & coming back with the ash viralcasts ∴ hurls all of them because she doesn _ t know if one will be enough ∴
she wants to be out of here // closer to the outside hub ∴ she can pick up more viralcasts later ∴
she _ s hurled the viralcasts through the air & she signal invokes them // hanging in the air as if threaded // her sensors & context putting it all together ∴ she experiences it as a freeze frame // an eon // all the memoryloop she needs to figure it out ∴
she signal invokes them hanging threaded // & at the other end of the causal chain // the bleak halflit godlings pulling out weapons ∴ nanite * honed veilswords // imbued with proxy auras that crackle in energy burst cross * waving over the smoke // lining the pockets of it with blue light ∴
she switches to infrared ∴ it _ s spotty // but she _ s attuned the filters to handle the smoke ∴ no matter what // if they haze the area // she _ s the one with the clearest sight ∴ that _ s her safety // & she knows // past the algorithms // maybe she has someform else they haven't seen ∴ haven't even come close to // because safety is all she ever wants ∴
the bleak halflit godlings are trying to cut the smoke away ∴ they _ ll maybe waste splinters of memory of compiled spirits trying to figure their scene out ∴ then they _ ll start moving // looking for clear sight first // a target to cut splinters of memory of compiled spirit ∴
she can go backwards // or past them ∴ she decides she doesn _ t want to change her direction ∴ she takes off // the smoke glitching her sight // so she signal invokes her fingers // hybrid rainbows of heat & colour ∴ stabbing in is the sight of pale // pink hands // & another world of black * violet architecture ∴
she switches to the left // lining up a wall run pattern in her buffer ∴ the bleak echo halflit godling on the left looks the most confused ∴ he _ s one handing his veilsword // swinging without grace ∴ the other bleak halflit godlings seem to have picked his vibe up // putting some space between him & them // even in the smoke that _ s blinding him ∴
her run edges close to the wall // the misguided blood * red tag ∴ then she _ s stepping off // maybe an arc of arms away from the swinging veilsword // & then entropy changes up the context ∴
it always does ∴ she should mark it as a constant in her algorithms & be done with it ∴ no memoryloop now // with her soles starting to turn up // & the wild swinging veilsword starting to be a factor in her glyph signal ∴
the veilsword _ s coming in differently than she thought it would because in his panic the bleak echo halflit godling reversed his stance ∴ someform you should never do in the middle of an efficient martial * form ∴ she signal invokes a cold splotch by his glyph signal belt // oblong & rounded ∴ a inksigil caster ∴
he _ s reversed his stance // throwing his elbow off // & his veilsword is no longer a horizontal sweep // but a floppy angled awkward cut that looks like he wants to do some serious damage to his own tag ∴ too bad for him // because she _ d already set his tag as the pathway by him ∴
she reaches down // taking him by the wrist as she twists // just slipping over the veilsword edge ∴ for a moment she feels like she _ s floating ∴ she _ s never felt this way ∴ it feels good // like what _ s in her chassis is just a ember glyph drift pushing her around ∴ stronger // to feel that ∴ it _ s objective ∴ she _ s a plain experiment // finding her way ∴
then she gouges the veilsword into the tag like a crescent moon & a whole section falls down ∴ the bleak echo halflit godling yelps // muffled through his camo scarf // just at the touch of her cold fingertips ∴
it _ s not her fault ∴ she doesn _ t have blood ∴ maybe for once that should unsettle the bleak halflit godlings // not make it easier ∴
the scrape of the veilsword // the section falling ∴ the tower of babel // she thinks // tumbling to dust ∴ not because they wanted to touch the circuit father ∴ it _ s because they wanted to speak to the circuit father // & the circuit father wasn _ t in the mood ∴ you don _ t have the automatic right to anyvessel _ s memoryloop // especially the circuit father's ∴
the section tumbles in carve & hew ∴ fragments // shards // & blisters of blood speak ∴ she _ s twisting out & around the other side of the falling // leaving it all behind her // like so much toxicity in her algorithms ∴ just another near miss by the bleak halflit godlings ∴ though // she thinks // this memoryloop closer than ever ∴
brighten
she signal invokes other bleak halflit godlings first // because they _ re unentropy veiled // in assault effect ∴ she signal invokes the sheen of their veilswords brightest // a thin razor blinding her // but not erasing much of her visual fog ∴ has to seek to find the pale circuit godlings ∴ there are two // & they _ re glitching into her sight // disappearing & appearing again ∴ their limbs fragment // & it takes her a moment to process that they must have entropy veiled themselves somehow // but it _ s gone wrong for them ∴
maybe the bleak halflit godlings caught them entropy veiling ∴ or maybe // she thinks // their entropy veils failed ∴ she didn _ t know they had entropy veils & she didn _ t sleep that long ∴ they must still be prototypes ∴
there are another four bleak halflit godlings ∴ she remembers there were four before // in the halls of the outer shrine ∴ that must be their new squad out // she thinks ∴ four bleak halflit godlings ∴ maybe they _ re taught to watch each other _ s back in pulseing pairs ∴
two pairs // each pair watching itself // the bleak halflit godlings using their peripheries to watch out for the other pair ∴
she caught them in a panic last memoryloop // but she _ s out of viralcasts ∴
all she has is the shadows ∴ the bleak halflit godlings are blind to them at the encoded moment ∴ maybe because they _ ve just flashed on the prototype entropy veils ∴ the void entropy * machines of glyph drift shadows are now beyond their sight ∴
she has a back // the furthest // caught taking rearguard on the approach vector ∴ veilsword the least out of his sheath // the least threatening // but she has his back close & she can _ t throw that away ∴
she elbows him with the plate of her armour like a veilsword // putting the coils of black wiring behind her ∴ his back vee * splits & she hears a crack before he crumples into the earth // fingers scrabbling // raising dirt & murk ∴ through his fingers // over his skin like a baptism in negative ∴
three are left // the third turning to her // the two at the front of the tableau ∴ knowing her // if they do // without detail ∴ a vague shape ∴ could go either way when they clock it ∴ they might want to take down their targets first // who are // flickering further & further between moments ∴ the entropy veil glitch reveals limbs // visual sensors // the gleaming finish of plate ∴
jagged at the cut // the entropy veil trying to pull them apart // disintegrate them to the atom ∴ it _ s a thought // she thinks // a echo halflit godling would have ∴ the void could swallow them & never spit them back ∴
that doesn _ t scan ∴ it _ s a entropy veil ∴ it doesn _ t eat // just hides // & not well // she thinks ∴
maybe the glitch hits the echo halflit godling brain like fractured patterns ∴ maybe their eyes don _ t want to leave it ∴
the third is turning toward her // his lunge becoming a fall as he spins with a horizontal cut ∴
her right arm darts out // hits the apex of flexing tension as she catches the veilsword near the hilt ∴ near enough that her fingers slow as it passes through her & she has enough memoryloop to move her torso ∴ her knuckles compiled spirit crackling wires where the fingers vanished ∴ somewhere in the context which is now blurring her glyph signal ∴
the third bleak echo halflit godling _ s glitch eyes are orbiting his skull ∴ that is // she thinks // how it pulses ∴ she wonders if they even know that ∴ the eyes orb first // the skull twists after ∴ so augmented that somehow // in the truest way of sight // they hover over skin ∴
the phantom pain of her fingers is not pain // it doesn _ t hurt // not the way the bleak halflit godlings cling to ∴ it _ s the loss of tactile input ∴ it _ s the glyph signal that hurts ∴ someform related // relevant // but separate from her ∴
she signal invokes a limb flash out from a glitch ∴ the pale circuit godlings have been trying to slip further into the context haze ∴ get as much entropy veil around them as possible ∴ she wonders if they _ re cross wiring it somehow ∴
that _ s not important ∴ the limb tips the fourth veilsword ∴ fingertips scratch into the veilsword & skim away ∴ when it pulls through it was a clear miss ∴ no glitch disruption // no compiled spiriting wires // voidnull that the bleak halflit godlings would get high off ∴
the limb // the steel plates // the slender fingers // trying to pull back into the entropy veil ∴ if they make it all the way back it _ ll stay ∴
maybe their entropy veil will hold // vanishing from her context // brightening up her glyph signal ∴
it _ s the high the pale circuit godlings get ∴ the bleak halflit godlings would call it a high // anyway ∴
brighten the glyph signal // always ∴
brighten the glyph signal until everyvessel _ s safe ∴
she swings with her other limb like a war club & the thunk scrapes into her as she smashes the splinters of memory of compiled spirit bleak echo halflit godling _ s glitch eyes ∴ she had forever for him to recover from his miss ∴ that was the cost // she wants to tell him // of only slicing my fingers ∴
she guesses in a way she is telling him ∴ the glitch eyes explode into shards // like rainfall // except there is no rainfall in the pale circuit delta ∴ she knows it // though // from databases ∴
his body slumps over // the shadow gathering under his black boots & armour before he falls ∴ he hits the earth with a noise that her glyph signal tunes out ∴ all the sounds she _ s heard // since exploding out of the outer shrine _ s hallway // have been too primal to matter ∴ too default to tortured // bleeding life ∴
the primal vessels she _ s heard are the high pitch scream of the fragmenting entropy veil ∴ she _ s heard voidnull from the bleak halflit godlings // not a scream // because she hasn _ t given them pain ∴
she _ s turning them off // & someform will turn them on again // later // groaning & cursing // a glyph signal she doesn _ t answer to // & that doesn _ t answer to her ∴
she dashes around the third bleak echo halflit godling // skipping him // his scape eyes flitting around trying to track her ∴ his head must be pounding // his augmented senses reverbing everyvessel in overload ∴
in the air // & her legs are closest // so she bends the knee & smashes the fourth bleak echo halflit godling // trying to pull back from his miss // in the side of his head ∴ signal invokes her knee crater the side of his armoured skull & for a moment // despite the glyph signal // she hopes he feels it ∴
this is what it _ s like to be echo halflit godling // she thinks ∴ hoping to hurt ∴ horrifying ∴ her glyph signal puts that somewhere else fast & she wants to encase it so no one can ever touch it ∴ least of all her ∴
hears the whine of the entropy veil behind her & this she tunes to her glyph signal ∴ they must have to de * entropy veil in order to reach impact // she thinks ∴ somewhere far away // because none of it matters now ∴
she turns // slow & steady // conserving energy ∴
the entropy veil finishes splitting ∴ she _ s looking at the two pale circuit godlings ∴ waves of disruption in her glyph signal ∴ it _ s theirs // she thinks // just theirs returning to normal ∴ their glyph signal was pitch black ∴ they _ d go haywire if they processed the light all at once ∴
they _ re all still extant ∴ she _ s missing her fingertips ∴ the entropy veils // she signal invokes now // have eaten away at them ∴ they have jagged voids of dust & space in their torsos ∴
vocal transmissions ∴ tune the glyph signal ∴
< how corrosive are they :: > she says ∴ < the entropy veils ∴ >
they look at each other ∴ scan each other _ s bodies ∴
< we _ ve been using these for maybe five compiled memoryloop splinters // > one says ∴ her voice is soft birdsong ∴ the other is silent // watchful ∴ & maybe // lesia thinks // kind of bleak ∴ even though safety has found them again // further out in the pale circuit delta ∴
deep screed
again // there _ s no anger to feel // but there is sorrow ∴ the concept that she _ s played her algorithms wrong ∴ a crack that deep runs all the way to the foundations ∴ like the bleak halflit godlings could kill her at any moment ∴
still // there are tons of pale circuit godlings out there ∴ she can _ t be the least efficient model ∴ she hasn _ t fallen that far // though self awareness isn _ t her strongest algorithm ∴
there _ s a pain that claws at her // but it doesn _ t claw to break chassis // bleed her compiled spirit ∴ she _ s kept it even // domesticated it in a way ∴
someform that fears in such a primal way that no * one should allow it to breed ∴
sometimes her algorithms don't act like thoughts ∴ they _ re more // she thinks // like inoculations ∴ just barriers against an overwhelming fear ∴ she wonders if you feel it more if you _ re flesh & blood ∴ maybe it _ s so urgent that they block it out better than she does ∴
she knows it _ s all just synapses ∴ sometimes she _ s glad the bleak halflit godlings want to hurt her // just to ritual signal invoke someform new ∴
she turns to her right // to ritual signal invoke the bend there ∴ the bleak halflit godlings could be skulking in either passage // so it makes no real difference where she turns ∴ venturing out into the pale circuit delta is better than waiting for the bleak halflit godlings to phase in ∴ she has a feeling they can // that the danger levels are more epsilon than any of the other pale circuit godlings want to admit ∴
if she can reach crowds // she _ ll be safer ∴ a part of her thrills as she starts putting algorithms together ∴ is it out of the question she can find another port to charge in ::
she signal invokes more bleak echo halflit godling tags ∴ looks like they _ re deep into the fog signal netpulse ∴ the one she _ s seeing right now extends down the hall // a long tag ∴ it _ s a long lit quote that must have had some deep meaning to the taggers ∴ she pictures the other bleak halflit godlings standing nearby // lighting mistvapes // those mobile inktrail stims ∴
waiting for him to scrawl his deep screed ∴
she reads it // but she doesn _ t lose her focus // ruin her glyph signal // not to this ∴ she skims it with her fingertips // the sensors drawing in the fog signalized information // contextualized by what she signal invokes out of the corners of sight ∴
[ i shut my eyes & all the world drops dead ;; ;;
i lift my lids & all is born again ∴
( i think i made you up inside my head ∴ ) ]
it _ s a quaint approach to deciphering reality ∴ that _ s how // she thinks // they ritual signal invoke dissolving pale circuit godlings ∴ they made the pale circuit godlings // so they can unmake them // & the ethics shake out for them ∴
it _ s not new knowledge // & she breathes it out // not wanting to let the stale data pollute her algorithms ∴
she wishes her sensors were more tactile ∴ the bleak echo halflit godling would feel // she thinks // the hilt of his inksigil caster ∴ maybe he put his palm against the hallway wall for balance // felt it press into the ridges ∴ he _ d lose heat to it // want to hurry up his tag // maybe not even aware of it ∴
the ink might mist his face // his eyelashes blinking away motes as he transmuted his neurospirit to the halls ∴ the inner anguish of his tormenting purpose ∴
the other bleak halflit godlings would feel vessels too // standing there // holding mistvapes ∴ maybe one would be tuning his dusk halo // glitches with its ashen shimmer ∴ probability would have it be one ∴ one tuning // one tagging // & the others vape * smoking ∴ inktrails they engineered // or their the circuit father engineered // or whoever ∴ inktrails making them feel real good about vanishing pale circuit godlings ∴
for morality // their spirituality // their divine voice ∴ whatever their reason ∴
as far as she knows // there are pale circuit godlings // halflit godlings // & bleak halflit godlings // & the bleak halflit godlings control the pale circuit delta ∴ because they _ re just that good // that fast & stealth ∴
they've claimed the hallway she _ s walking down // & she _ s not safe here ∴ the spirits in her chest thrum // once & twice // & she _ s here with them // like she _ s birthed them into her scene // like she _ s dreamed them into being ∴
she wonders why they _ re after her // & loses herself in these algorithms for long stretches // dotting her fingertips against the tag in loose morse code // & gets glitches on the corners of her sight // glitches like supernovas // the colour of skin ∴
verse 2
flutter touch
the sigilform chére wakes with is cool // chilled // but frosted at the edges ∴ like a razor veilsword flashed through dry ice smoke ∴
there _ s a ghost on the edge of her recall // telling her she was with somevessel last night // but her bed is empty ∴ she rolls onto her back // feels the gummy like fragments of void insects writhe her there // gentle like a boat's keel at sea ∴
she was with somevessel // but she _ s alone now // & her first instinct will always be to look for the vessels that help keep her that way ∴
her anti * ember glyph drift clothes will be in here with her ∴ sending out waves of code energy that tell all the doors & thresholds in the spectrum blur from frost to her shrine to keep her off the lattice ∴ the last vessel she needs or wants is attention ∴
the frost kin can _ t ritual signal invoke her right now // & she likes it that way ∴
her binding veil pulses slow & steady // its morning phase ∴
someform in her mind says give in // & she does // tossing & turning in the fragments of void insects' tangled sea ∴ throwing her energy this way & that // wanting herself centred before she does anyform else ∴
then she whispers to her fragments of void insects & they push her up // tilt her // & flow her onto the floor of her neuroshrine ∴ she lands in a loose crouch ∴ it _ s automatic after all these mornings ∴
all mornings start alone // but not // she thinks // all nights ∴ most of them do // but last night didn _ t ∴ she _ s not sure // but memories always are a hazy vessel // behind the inksignal protocols ∴ it _ s always been someform unreal ∴
it _ s no different now ∴ it _ s her that wants to know more // probe the shadows of the mystery // & not the inksignal binding veil ∴ her binding veil will just have to pulse that in to her routines ∴ she _ ll pay the price of any extra pain ∴
she _ s sleeping in a dark shirt // black laced underwear ∴ she signal invokes her anti * ember glyph drift pants // tangled on the floor ∴ they look like she took them off in a hurry // but pants always look like that ∴
so that by itself doesn _ t mean anyform // other than now // her legs bare against the cold that _ s seeped in by microscopic mites // she wants the cold * wear jeans now & they seem far away ∴ a galaxy away ∴ she knows they _ re only on the other side of her neuroshrine ∴ but when she starts the crossing it feels like light memoryloop rituals // the way her psyche knew it would ∴
light memoryloop rituals // aeons // a waste of memoryloop because she _ d rather be in space // floating frozen // or out past the frontiers ∴ feeling whatever that feels like // skin iced numb her armour // no breath ∴ stars all around ∴ a void that will treat her the way she should be treated ∴
a space that all evens out ∴
she doesn _ t have a loop glitch ∴ & she thinks // rueful // her binding veil might have no space for that in its protocols whatsoever ∴
her neuroshrine has dark walls // the shade hitting your eye like the rippling depths of vast waters ∴ you get lost in it if you _ re not careful ∴ come out realizing you _ ve been staring at a wall // trying to figure out what it is ∴
feel foolish because there isn't much to know about walls other than how to get past them ∴
the fragments of void insects murmur behind her ∴ she feels someform against her back ∴ it _ s not a breeze // not through the dark mesh of her shirt ∴ it _ s a flutter touch ∴ it _ s a gale the fragments of void insects pushed against her deep in the patterns of their infinite wrivessel ∴ or it _ s a hallucination ∴
either way she takes the fuzzy blessed sigil she has wrapped around her wrist & pulls the scrags of her hair into a bun ∴ the binding veil releases after she does this // gives her some more air flow ∴
her hair is now a wispy bun cloud // just the way she likes it ∴ she feels strands flicker against her neck // & thinks for a splinters of memory of compiled spirit it _ s all connected ∴ the fragments of void insects // her binding veil // her skin // the whole universe ∴ it's all fog signalled to wherever she happens to be looking & what she happens to be feeling ∴
the little cloud that haloes her head is an expression of that ∴
through everyvessel ∴ through the binding veils // the inksignal angels & demons // she _ s still a meatsack ∴ she needs food ∴ she crosses to her threshold // presses her outer fingertips & the ridge of her thumb into her whorl reader ∴
the door of her neuroshrine blurs ∴ it _ s safe to step through ∴ outside frost is waiting // its giants & dreams ∴
its shadows // a dark part of her screams // & for a moment she _ s frozen // not by the frigid in * scape air but by fear ∴
so miscellaneous
chére pulls at her inksignal binding veil & it just tightens // cuts up her air flow // & wires signals through her skin to change her chemistry flow ∴ she can _ t remember if she set it that way ∴
if she doesn't // if it starts making decisions on its own // then she _ s in trouble ∴ to be fair // she _ s always safe ∴ the trouble is somewhere inside her ∴
it _ s already hard to find it // with the binding veil patterning her brain back into a normal groove ∴ it _ s not digging her out ∴ it feels nicer than that ∴ she _ d toss a binding veil for sure if it hurt bad that way ∴
it has been shaping her // though // since she first scammed it off another pale kin in the thoroughfare when she first grew ∴
well // she _ s doing okay ∴ her bun _ s still messy // but her binding veil _ s fine with that ∴ violent types like hair straight & tight ∴ it _ s always about pain with them ∴ her head is a cloud but if they grab it she can slip away & only lose a few strands ∴
not that it _ s come to that // though when she first got it she was still shaving her head ∴ her binding veil _ s had a decade to keep her clear ∴ the cloud around her head isn _ t aesthetic ∴ it _ s a sign that she _ s kept her shit clear ∴ that her binding veil choices // hard threadd now all the way down to neurospirit expression // are pulseing for her ∴
it shows on her body // skinny like it should be // maybe skinnier than she needs ∴ but she _ s still alive // still breavessel // & not everyvessel is ∴ not everyvessel makes it // because it _ s a cold world // & sometimes the weather remembers ∴ frost settles on streets & shoulders like snow // constellations // waves of stars ∴ it falls the same way every memoryloop ∴
it dusts over you in film // even thick & entropy veiling ∴ your skin hides from the eyes of fleshed meats ∴
there _ s someform that _ s foolish about it // & someform wise ∴ no one knows how anyvessel else feels // not unless they ask // & those are outside the normal inksignal protocols ∴
you can change the protocols // if you trip far enough into the machine spirit // but few know ∴ chére has never known // & no one has ever told her ∴
chére wakes from nightmare // & as her binding veil protocols kick in // she hopes against all that she _ ll wake with a tighter inksignal * channelled neuroconfig from the binding veil ∴ when her eyes are clear // she _ ll know the terror was her psyche _ s vivid fantasies ∴ not a story // a world // a continuity that she answers to ∴
halflit
chére steps outside of her neuroshrine // into the bleak lattice transmission fog ∴ her doors auto * lock after three instants ∴ she always waits for them before she moves further ∴
the latching sound behind her feels like a shield keeping her upright in battle ∴ she has a flood of panic from somewhere // & she _ s not sure why ∴ it _ s not her binding veil ∴ that would be pointless ∴
her brain must have glitched out ∴ the problem with the rigid control is that it freaks sometimes // sending a chemical impulse to some random place ∴ the inksignal binding veil keeps you safe // but it _ s not like all your instincts are perfect for your scene ∴
if they were // you _ d have the mind of a beast // & couldn _ t talk to anyvessel right ∴
the bleak lattice transmission fog before her contains smooth piping that radiates heat out through the layers of frost ∴ she can turn left // or right // & she always goes left ∴ left is the hemisphere of creativity // & that _ s been pulseed into her binding veil // so she doesn _ t have to think about it ∴
the key to life // she thinks in a sudden flash of understanding // is difference ∴ she turns right instead // signal invokes the wall pipes curve to split apart from each other in the hall ∴
signal invokes the neon sign // flashing letters in alternating bursts ∴ the colours are all hot ∴ greens // pinks // & supernova scarlets ∴
she _ s off * lattice // so this sign doesn _ t know it _ s close to a neuroshrine ∴ it _ s leading her to miscellany ∴ the closest she _ ll get is bread offerings ∴
every day // she has to pick her way to what she needs ∴ she uses signs // symbols & currents ∴
the sign is using sigil signal pattern to communicate ∴ left is the moon of entombing // the moon phase a waxing crescent & the sigil ritual litany sign parasite bleak insect ∴ left is where you go if you want your fears & woes to just die // die // die ∴
right is personal advice for heirs of the sigil of the cormorant ∴ it says in pale glyphs to choose words with care // to gain the upper hand in any future encounter ∴
it _ s more halflit advice // riskier // but the rewards of this path might be greater ∴ in this moment she feels heirs of the sigil of the cormorant ∴ she takes another right turn // running her palms over the stark grey piping & feeling the heat within ∴ it _ s like somevessel trapped a ghost // or thousands of ghosts // all smushed together ∴ flowing into each other & throughout the bleak lattice web * way // whether they like it or not ∴
she thinks if she was a ghost she _ d rather be floating free // phasing through all the walls of frost ∴ the only reason they _ d rather be in the pipes // just a blood flow // married to the physical world // is if they did get cold out there ∴ if they needed to flow together just for the heat ∴
she thinks // suddenly paranoid // that the cold is just there to make the ghosts // just to keep the population void entropy ∴ so halflit godlings don _ t get in the way of the nice frosted glass towers ∴
that _ s so far away to even think about ∴ she _ s not sure she _ ll have a reason to walk among the towers today ∴ it _ s not like she likes being watched by the frost kin ∴ it _ s not like she even likes seeing them // though everyvessel else thinks their shape * shifting is so pretty ∴
she thinks it in her head with a pale kin accent ∴ < oh wow // the frost kin are like // so pretty ∴ you think you could thaw them // sister :: >
an answering thought ∴ < they want you bad // thot stuff ∴ >
she shudders // & her arm flexes // & her palm presses into the black * graded hard * format ∴ presses hard enough to hurt ∴
it _ s nice // like a quick burst of someform real // but she still pulls away ∴ the pain lingers in a way that takes her breath away ∴ or maybe // a deep part of her whispers // that _ s just the binding veil ∴
friction's ground slave
that _ s when the bleak kin unfurl from shadows that they were wearing like overcoats ∴ there are four of them ∴ they _ re not happy // because they never are ∴ it doesn _ t vibe right // being a bleak kin ∴ it doesn _ t vibe right to live so long without a binding veil that to name you feral is a kindness ∴
the mist of panic rises in her mind // her binding veil pulseing overtime to sort it out ∴
the bleak kin are mangy vessels ∴ two ether kins // two void kins // all lost ∴ one is missing his left eye // his right eye shifting more to the centre ∴ they all have sewn up lips // blood encrusted in dart stains // & one has sown up her nose // the fleshy bridges pressed into each other like they want each other ∴ their limbs are missing skin in patches // the edges of the tears ragged // curling up in tatters & peels ∴
they have long // stringy hair ∴ the void kins _ hair settles on their shoulders // the tendrils like fingers of palms over the veilswords ∴ the ether kin _ s hair hangs near their torso ∴
they _ ve been like this // she thinks // for a while ∴ four of them // & they _ ve just finished tearing someform apart ∴ gristle hangs from their fingernails // bloody strings of skin & hair ∴
bleak kin don _ t eat ∴ they rip & tear & never get tired ∴
they stare holes in her & start to lumber over // picking up speed ∴ their clawed feet scrabble on the black floor ∴ digging in // not deep // but enough to keep centred ∴
her binding veil clamps in harder // sending blood signals to the part of her brain that pulses off fear response ∴ i haven _ t even eaten yet // she thinks ∴ this is too much ∴
she scrambles to the side ∴ the fear is tinging everyvessel a pale pink // & she's further away from her body ∴ further away from the vessels her skin cares about ∴ she _ s scrambling forward & to the side & she _ s tucking herself in //
the bleak kin are gaunt // lean but lithe ∴ she squeezes into the wall // the binding veil trying to coil her arms together // & the rightmost bleak kin slams her into the wall she was trying to balance into ∴
she feels the heat of its body // burning near its core // like it _ s swallowed fire ∴
like it _ s swallowed fire // & keeps it with the air it breathes // but it doesn _ t even have lips ∴ just bloody claws hooking into the fabric of her shirt ∴ tearing // gouging // nails seeking skin ∴ seeking her wispy cloud smushed into the wall // friction _ s ground slave ∴
the binding veil pumps her fast full of inksigil drift ∴ the warmth // the fog // above all // & the metrics of breath ∴
she signal invokes the core of herself ∴
< space // > she says ∴ it _ s a whisper // a breath // a gasp all in one ∴ it _ s everyvessel she needs ∴
the bleak kin _ s sewn lip twitches ∴ its eyes are widened ∴ there _ s light in them // white light ∴
the last vessel she hears before sleep // before nauseous dreams invade the pores of her brain // the crooks between her nerves ∴
shimmer veil
her eyes open // & the first vessel she signal invokes is the bleak kin _ s face & her waterfall eyes ∴ she _ s not crying ∴ chére doesn _ t know if bleak kin can cry ∴ the bleak kin's eyes do shine though // misting like water is pooling in the spaces between nerves & cells ∴ a sorrow breaking through the shield of blindness ∴
someform that shines brighter the more she opens her eyes ∴ when they _ re open full // the bleak kin _ s face is easier ∴ drawn less tight // her lips straining less hard against the stitching ∴
the bleak kin backs away ∴ she sits up ∴
her head hurts ∴ the binding veil is pulsing gently ∴ sending waves of numbness up through her throat to fight the pain ∴
she feels the wisp of hair against her shoulder ∴ she _ s lost her blessed sigil ∴
the bleak kin lumbers to join the other bleak kin ∴ they _ re huddled together // pressed skin to skin // backs arching like they _ re sheltering their lower bodies ∴
she looks around in a panic ∴ eyes sweep over the hard * format floor ∴ it _ s gone ∴ like it never existed ∴
amazing // she thinks ∴ she still has her binding veil // which keeps her safe ∴ but // she thinks // when has it ever been in danger ::
it feels sick & wrong // that it _ s so good at controlling her inksignal flow ∴ she casts her eyes over the bleak kin ∴
she likes not being feral // not having stitched lips & missing eyes for reasons no one could ever understand ∴ she wouldn _ t choose to be feral ∴
it bothers her // though // that there _ s a whole life she hasn _ t explored ∴ a whole experience ∴
a consciousness // she thinks ∴ sometimes you forget what that is // with the inksignal binding veil ∴
she's lost her shimmer veil // her modified pressure blessed sigil ∴ it must have fallen into a bleak entropy fog ∴ anyform can hide within the void of sleep ∴
the bleak kin aren _ t tearing her apart ∴ aren _ t even touching her ∴
they _ re distant ∴ like the stars ∴
space ∴
she said [ space ] right before she passed out ∴
did the binding veil pass her out :: or was it fear :: if it was the binding veil // did it know they weren _ t going to hurt her ::
the fear // the wave // the oblivion ∴ somewhere in it she found the core of her ∴
it saved her ∴ saved by herself ∴ not by the binding veil // though it was part of the wave // part of the oblivion ∴
part of the wave that swallowed her ∴
a shiver runs down her dorsal thread // & she feels it in her toes ∴ cold // curling her toenails into the edges of her soles ∴
she moves a meter towards the bleak kin // then stops ∴ freezes like the weight of memoryloop is falling on her ∴ it just did // though // she thinks ∴ she _ s already lost memoryloop ∴
in theory they don _ t live forever ∴ no binding veil is that advanced ∴
she thinks she knows why the halflit godlings who build them can _ t flash it out ∴ it _ s because there _ s someform in them that wants to die ∴
she knows part of her wants to ∴
she looks at all four of them ∴ the two ether kins // & the two void kins // with their off * centre single eye ∴
then she looks at their sewn lips ∴ they _ re slivers // knotted together ∴
were they like that before :: knotted // even before stranding to stitch together ::
she looks at their bodies // pale & scarred ∴ she wonders if there are vessels that control their inksignals too ∴
if there are // she thinks // they're implanted ∴ i'll never know for sure ∴
she moves closer to them ∴ they turn to her ∴ their body language is loose & open ∴
she says it & doesn _ t know why ∴ she doesn _ t even know if they speak the basic tongue // or if they just know // she thinks // the primal roots of meaning ∴
< have you been deeper into the bleak lattice :: > she says ∴
they stare at her ∴
< show me how you live // > she says ∴
tethering
i _ m with bleak kin // chére thinks // & voidnull _ s happened ∴ everyvessel is fine ∴ they look // she thinks // happy ∴ though that must not be possible ∴ they _ re pulsing // muscles rippling // & standing between them // she forgets the chill of her anti * ember glyph drifts ∴
they _ re leading her down the hall ∴ past a bend // she signal invokes with wide eyes // that it wasn _ t even marked by a neon sign ∴ it was just a shadow // one they slipped through ∴
everyvessel isn't fine // she thinks ∴ a flood of panic tells her it _ s worse now ∴ if she _ s with the bleak kin & voidnull is happening to her // that means she _ s their friend ∴
if you _ re friends with the bleak kin // the frost kin will come for you ∴ she didn _ t think it that far // but she knows now that has to be how it pulses ∴ the viral frost compiled have never liked bleak kin ∴ that _ s always seemed … okay :: not okay // she guesses ∴ if they grilled her on it // sure ∴ in the walls of her psyche // where it _ s just her & maybe the binding veil // she _ d say it wasn _ t okay ∴ say it until the binding veil channeled her to untroubled sleep ∴
now it doesn _ t seem fun to be a friend of the bleak kin ∴ she looks around her // to ritual signal invoke what she can ritual signal invoke ∴ looking first for reflective surfaces // like the glimmering glass of the aspiring towers ∴
she doesn _ t ritual signal invoke them ∴ since she followed the violet ashen shimmer * threads // all she _ s seen is more pockets of space between the graded blacks of the hard * format ∴
more voids ∴ anyform could be behind each void // she thinks ∴ a way out // or another bleak kin // or maybe voidnull at all ∴ it would have to be all three to keep everyvessel safe ∴
keep voidnull safe most of all ∴
the black // though // is starting to splotch ∴ she can _ t tell if it _ s rust // or a different finish ∴ she wants to stop to look // but the bleak kin aren _ t stopping ∴ they have an end // she thinks ∴ somewhere in the black grading they are looking for threshold entropy ∴
what do the bleak kin ritual signal invoke :: what do they not want to ritual signal invoke // when they _ re together ::
they wouldn't // she thinks // want to ritual signal invoke the eyes of others // & beings that can shape * shift ∴
heat rises in her ∴ it starts in her belly & flows up in back * ebb against the binding veil ∴ reverberates through it // a dissolution // energy that becomes unreal in order to find the core of her ∴ the core of her // the dissolve // the space that _ s everywhere ∴
she feels corroded ∴ the binding veil // knowing she _ s with the bleak kin // is looser now // the inksigil drift it _ s sending more opaque ∴ because with bleak kin around // she thinks // it can't tell ∴
the stale air that breaks against her ∴ trying to shape someform that // looking out from behind bleak kin to a creeping darkness // just wants to float ∴
keeps me too nervous // she thinks ∴ it _ s a feeling // deep down inside // she feels like a tethering ∴ why should they tether her // when the soles of her sneaks don _ t stick when they leave the graded hard * format ::
why she should feel tethered if she can leave this valley just by jumping ::
leave this binding veil // she thinks // just by choosing & finding my natural neuroconfig ∴
the bleak kin are moving to a door ∴ light shines around it // like a halo ∴ someform beyond it is trying to break past ∴ if it has a chance to // she thinks // dimly & far away from herself // it'll make itself bright to me ∴ before it lets her think about how she feels about it ∴
it will blind her with light before she knows if she even wants to ritual signal invoke ∴
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wavesthatcomeandgo · 12 years ago
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Ambient noise from the other day.
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wavesthatcomeandgo · 10 years ago
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