#mind and brain aren't the same

[daemon-in-my-head]

There's a certain level of cruel irony in possessing a logical mind but still experiencing emotions.

I *know* as a matter of fact whatever I'm feeling is deeply irrational and that there's plenty of evidence actively disputing these thoughts. Won't stop me from feeling that way though.

[awesomebutunpractical]

I've done the math. I've done the math poorly. I have 80+ fan-characters in Gravity Falls alone, and Transformers is another 100+. To say nothing about Ducktales. Not all these guys are getting designs. Or names.

[wizisbored]

thinking more about the rabies fic speculative biology stuff and the current stance is that nimona is technically immunocompromised but just tanks it

[herunswithscissors]

Something I wrote to a student today. And I thought it might be handy for others who realized that

You shouldn't stop learning just because there is no teacher or obvious consequences.

____________

If I find out in 10 years you are managing an Olive Garden, I won’t be the least disappointed in you. But I think you will do something different and I’m excited to see what you do with your gifts, the skills you’ve collected and honed, and the mind you’ve built.

Partly because you won the genetic lottery with that amazing brain of yours, but mostly because you put that brain to work and built a mind.

Keep building your mind. You are never done with that.

• Watch Nova. Watch Spongebob. Learn useless stuff. Read novels. Build something. Learn to read novels, listen to music, and watch movies like an artist and you will get so much more out of them. Art & creativity of all sorts is so important to developing your mind. Get on Tumblr and follow a bunch of weirdos to be inspired by and to just get different perspectives on life and this world. Hug a sequoia and listen to the water rushing up inside. Make a LOT of mistakes. Keep trying new things.

• Your mind will follow your heart. Don’t let the money, comfort, and insulation of academic life harden your heart or make you apathetic. Don’t look away from the lines of broken down RVs. Don’t look away from the working conditions of the staff in your institution. Don’t look away from Palestine. God is love and God loves by being present with us in the mess and not looking away from it. God never looked away from Jesus on the cross. That is antithetical to who God is. Notice the unhoused person hiding outside the Starbucks. If it is safe, give them some money for drugs and keep your heart.

• Find scientists, other experts, nerds, and peers on social media and just be yourself (so many of them are super friendly and kind people, but not all so watch your back).

• And stay away from drugs until after your prefrontal cortex is done developing sometime after 25. Go to parties and have fun of course, but your brain is still building itself and the pathways you make now will be very difficult to change. You will need your executive function for grad/medical school and for your calling. So take it easy at the parties and don’t fall into habitual use of ethanol, THC, etc until that brain is done developing.

[gynaephora]

Sys-course mentioned under the cut, but more of a rant than anything

Let's see if I can scroll the tag for my disorder without running into stagshit!

(Sees a 'traumagenic safe space' with extremely hostile tags) Aw dangit

(Sees the phrase 'endogenic "systems"' with the airquotes included) Aw dangit

(Sees a server advertised as 'anti syscourse' but has pro endos on the DNI) Aw dangit

(Sees an otherwise helpful and reassuring post with the most vile DNI at the bottom of the page) Aw dangit

(Sees people invalidating a system's trauma because they're pro endo) Aw-

[macchiatosdumptruck]

the way that terry sounds like an addict getting his first hit in years with the way he says "danny boy"

[tarmac-rat]

.

[sinkuna]

୨୧ — Sukuna watched as you tended to the herbs just outside his temple, your movements carrying that same gentleness as always. You hummed softly while working, a melody that seemed to make even the weeds lean towards you. The swell of your stomach was prominent now, a visible reminder of how you had changed everything, and something in him always urged him to be closer to you- a possessiveness that had only grown over the past few months. 

He hated it. But above all, he hated the way his curse energy would flow around the surrounding area, like a protective shroud meant solely for you… And he refused to acknowledge how his multiple eyes would track every subtle shift in your expression…

"Ryomen! Look at this one!" your voice held nothing but genuine delight as you held up a particularly vibrant herb. 

"Tch. Still wasting your time with these worthless weeds?" he scoffed, but his eyes never left your form. He took notice of the way your fingers carefully caressed the delicate thing and the small smile that tugged at your lips, and it was only then did he realize that your hair had grown a little longer... 

"One day," he heard you murmur, your voice carrying in the evening breeze, "you might need these."  

The mere suggestion that he, the king of curses, might need such mundane remedies should have enraged him, and to a certain degree it did, but he was so transfixed on your fingers, the same fingers that always dared to trace his black markings, that his retort lacked it’s usual venom. 

"Someone like me has no use for such worthless things." the mouth on his stomach grinned, "You are aware of the difference between us, aren't you? Or has that brat inside of you softened that brain of yours?"

His gaze flickered to your stomach, where his child grew stronger each day.

That’s when you turned to him with that damn smile, it was like freshly fallen snow, untouched and pure… And it always awakened two warring instincts within him. The first was to destroy you, to corrupt, and to taint that purity until nothing remained and you were left bloody in his arms… And then there was the second, the newer, more terrifying one that made him want to preserve it at all costs…

"Oh? No use for such worthless things?" you tilted your head playfully, reminding him of that first day in the forest where he met you, "Hmm~ Is that why you still wear my scarf? If you have no use for such worthless things, then I suppose you wouldn’t mind if I took it back."

The memory of how you had wrapped it around him had been burned into his memory... like a fucking curse. How you approached him in the forest while bodies lay scattered around him, your eyes full of concern rather than terror. He didn’t know at the time the men he slaughtered were after you- didn’t know that his fun little killing spree would leave him stuck with you like a thorn in a wound. 

A thorn he couldn't be bothered with removing...

"You’re bleeding," you had said then, as if he were some ordinary injured traveler. Before he could slice that pretty head of yours clean off, you had already removed your scarf, standing on your tiptoes, tongue sticking out in concentration as you tended to the wound and wrapped it around his neck even though it would heal in moments…   

His four arms hung beside him at your audacity, as you dared to care for the King of Curses.

"It’s not much," you had whispered, "but it should help keep the wound clean until it heals" then you had smiled- that same one you wore now. 

So lost in the memory, Sukuna hadn’t even noticed you were now standing before him, reaching out towards him with the intent of tugging your scarf free from his body and he reacted. Faster than he should have been and snatched your hand away before you could even graze the fabric. 

"Do. Not." 

His eyes were narrowed, and his voice was low, a growl that echoed across the temple grounds, but you had become immune to the sound. His other hand unconsciously rose to touch the now worn fabric at his neck, it still carried traces of your scent after all this time.

"Watch yourself, woman. I could still slice that fragile neck of yours. Devour you where you stand. Don't be mistaken, you're not safe just because you're carrying my child."

"Mmhmm," you hummed, entirely unafraid as you leaned into him so that you could place a chaste kiss against his jawline, "Is that why you let me sleep in your bed? Why you allow only i to say your real name... And why you-" 

"Be silent." he spat, and yet his grip on your hand loosened, allowing your fingers to slip through his and intertwine, "Insolent creature…" but his other hands were merciful as they settled on your waist.

"If you wanted to kill me, Ryomen, you would have done so a long time ago." 

"You think too highly of yourself. You're a means to an end, a tool."

Your smile never wavered for a second, "Is that so? Then I must be a very special tool. I don't believe anyone else would get away with the things I do."

"Foolish little lamb." He let out a low grunt, pressing his forehead to yours in a gesture that had become as natural as breathing, "I will admit," his lips curled into a smirk as he pulled you flush against his body, "you've made the last few months a little less boring. But if I tire of your presence, I won't hesitate to kill you." 

"Your foolish woman." You corrected, and with a soft chuckle, you pulled back slightly so that you could cup his face, "And you won’t kill me before the baby is born, right? That would be a shame."

Sukuna scowled, "Don't test me."

"Never." you promised sweetly, but he knew you’d continue to do so regardless.

The King of Curses would never admit it, but the thought of you dead- the thought of anyone daring to harm you or his child was enough to awaken a a whole new kind of bloodlust, unlike anything he had felt in centuries. He would paint the lands red with the blood of any who tried, would hang their entrails from the highest trees as a warning, would burn the world to ash before letting harm come to what was his.

Prt 3. │⋆｡˚꒰ঌ 𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉 ໒꒱˚｡⋆

[fushitoru]

i don't wanna lose this with you a spiderman gojo fic

pairing ⸺ spiderman!gojo x reader

summary ⸺ an amalgation of misunderstandings and stress lead to a very big fight between you and satoru, but you certainly don't expect the way he wins you back.

warnings ⸺ college au, spiderman!au, angst, hurt/comfort, i warn you reader might infurate you, but she's just a woman in stem :(, tooth rotting fluff bc he's a loser for his gf, not edited sue me

playlist ⸺ quantum rizzics

a/n you'll probably need to read the first installation (nsfw, so mdni) to understand this one :3

general masterlist | spiderman!gojo m. list

you've blocked gojo on all platforms.

you don't really remember what caused the "break up" (you didn't really break up). maybe it's the fact that you've been stressed about grad school admissions, your dorm's floor was covered in his boxers, and he's never been able to visit you pre-3am these days. somehow, the city's criminals are determined to keep your boyfriend away from you, and maybe it was your pms, or maybe it was truly just because satoru is annoying. regardless, it's when you guys have plans that's not an impromptu healing-gojo's-wounds-in-your-dorm-at-3am sesh and you're waiting at the coffee shop that you explode.

because he was supposed to arrive ten minutes ago, and when you move to go to the bathroom, you see him. through the window, his white hair is never not noticeable, and who you see next to him makes you falter.

he's standing next to a girl with blue tinted silver hair that you recognize as mei mei, and she's gripping his upper arm as she smiles while looking at his face, his lips with such fuck me eyes that you could tell they were having some sort of intimate conversation.

and if it were an ideal day, you would know that it's all a misunderstanding, you would know your boyfriend is someone you trust. but, again, the cards were stacked against you, and the only things that go through your mind all make your eyes all glossy. he's late to the one date that you planned because you and him were finally free at the same time and you've been busy because you've been desperately applying for internships because unlike your boyfriend you don't have a plethora of papers and coding experience and you've been getting four hours of sleep on average this week and ugh you've heard a rumor that satoru used to hook up with her and fuck now your tampon is poking at you in the wrong way—

great. now tears are fully streaming down your cheeks. in public.

as you rush to the table where your stuff is your vision is so blurry that you also almost fall flat on your face as you stumble over the legs of chairs and tables. blurting out a ensemble of choked up sorry's and excuse me's you hurriedly gather your laptop and notebooks in your backpack and book it for the exit.

the biting cold stings at your face, but you nevertheless determinedly move in the opposite direction of where satoru and mei mei are situated, praying your boyfriend doesn't recognize you. however, it seems that the heavens are working against you because you hear a yelled "baby?"

you don't look back because you know a new set of tears will leave your eyes, and with it being finals season, you're not very hydrated to being with. but you hear footsteps running towards you and fuck your boyfriend's long ass legs because he quickly catches up to you. then, he grabs your hands, attempting to stop you from running away and face him.

"baby," he breathes, baby blue eyes looking into yours as he moves to kiss your forehead. you stay silent, pinning your gaze to the ground while shivering. "where are you going? aren't we supposed to hang out right now?"

look, you and gojo have a good relationship. but recently, things have gotten...strenuous lately. you guys haven't been communicating, and it might not help that half of your calorie intake was from energy drinks. or perhaps what lead you to say what you said next was driven entirely by the brain eating mold on your unwashed dishes, but dumb excuses aside, you sneer. "shouldn't you be busy doing that with mei mei, instead?"

a small part of you--the part that knows you shouldn't be like this--feels relief that hurt doesn't immediately flash across his eyes, only confusion. but lack of sleep has not only stripped away at your sanity but also your people pleasing and overthinking tendencies, leaving you only as a girl frustrated, even irrationally angry, with her boyfriend. so you only avert your gaze when he dumbfoundedly asks, "what?"

"what do you mean, "what?"" you scoff, wrenching your hand from his grasp. "you were ten minutes late to our meet-up, gojo." it is at your use of his last name, instead of your sweet my love, that the hurt you've been looking for flashes across his eyes. he moves to speak but you cut him off, no longer wishing to be here with him. "if you're so busy talking to bitches you hooked up with before, why did you even bother saying yes to hanging out with me?"

he looks at you in confusion, eyes quickly flitting back and forth across you. then, slowly, as if he's still processing the weight of your accusations, he says, "i don't exactly know what you're referring to, but let's calm down---"

and you see red.

"calm down?" you snap, voice sharp and icy, just like the wind stinging your cheeks. "did you seriously just tell me to calm down? you were late again, gojo, and i find you chatting it up with her?" you practically spit the word, arms crossing as a flimsy defense against both the cold and the ache building in your chest.

satoru blinks, his confusion genuine, but you’re too far gone to care. "wait—mei mei? is this about mei mei? she's not—"

"don’t you dare finish that sentence," you cut him off, your voice rising as your blood boils hotter. "i don't want to hear how she's just a friend, or how it's not what it looks like. i’m so tired of hearing the same bullshit excuses."

"baby, you're jumping to conclusions—"

"and you’re jumping at the chance to look like an idiot in public," you snap, your hands trembling now, either from the cold or your rising fury. "god, what do you even say to her? let me guess, you go around telling girls you're spider-man to get into their pants, huh? bet that works like a charm."

the accusation hits like a slap, and for the first time, satoru looks genuinely stunned, his mouth falling open slightly. "what the hell are you even saying right now?"

"am i wrong?" you let out a bitter laugh, one that echoes in the frosty air. "you’re late to the one date i actually planned, and i see you with her, all cozy, like i’m not even waiting for you. like i don’t even matter."

his eyebrows knit together, frustration mixing with something softer. "you seriously think i’d—"

"i don’t know what to think anymore, satoru!" the words burst out of you, your voice cracking as hot tears well in your eyes. "all i know is that i can’t keep feeling like this. like i’m some afterthought while you’re out doing—whatever it is you do. swinging through the city or flirting with your exes or—" you choke on the words, wiping at your cheeks furiously as the tears spill over. "just forget it. i’m done."

"wait." his voice is quieter now, more desperate as he steps toward you, his hand reaching out. "baby, come on, we can talk about this—"

"no," you say firmly, jerking your hand away before he can grab it. "i’m blocking you. on everything." then, mockingly, "you can figure out how to save the world without me."

his eyes widen, his mouth opening like he’s about to plead or argue, but you don’t wait for him to speak. you turn on your heel and storm away, the cold wind biting at your skin as the lump in your throat grows heavier.

you don’t look back. not when he calls your name, not when you hear his footsteps falter. you just keep walking.

it’s 3 a.m., and you don’t know if you exist.

well, you do, but after how light you feel after you’ve cried a disgusting amount, you just lie down on your floor staring at the ceiling and contemplating the meaning of life. or more specifically, the meaning of your life, which right now feels like it’s revolving around nothing but stress and a breakup you don’t even fully understand.

you wouldn’t be having these problems if you were a childless cat lady.

but alas, you’re just a college student. in the few days where you haven’t seen satoru, you’ve finished all your finals—miraculously, considering the fragile state of your emotional wellbeing—and now you’re finally on break in your dorm. you’re supposed to go back home in two days, but the thought of packing feels like trying to climb a mountain barefoot. you can’t summon the energy to do anything except wallow in your self-pity and selfishness, letting it wrap around you like a weighted blanket that’s somehow comforting and suffocating all at once.

you’d like to say this is rock bottom, but truthfully, it’s worse than that. because rock bottom implies a kind of finality—a place to push off from. this? this feels more like you’re sinking in quicksand, the weight of everything dragging you further down.

in your stress and impulsiveness, you’ve managed to kill your entire grind for internships. deadlines have slipped past while you spent hours doom-scrolling job boards and second-guessing every application. the ambitious, career-focused version of yourself feels like a stranger now, buried under the weight of your own doubts and insecurities. and on top of that, you may have potentially lost the love of your life.

it’s laughable, really, how thoroughly you’ve managed to self-destruct in such a short time. the worst part? you can’t even bring yourself to check your socials. if you unblock him and see there aren’t any messages, you think your heart might shatter completely. which, if you’re being honest, isn’t exactly fair to him. you’re the one who had the meltdown. you’re the one who blocked him on everything. he probably doesn’t even know what he did wrong because you didn’t even communicate anything.

your stomach twists at the thought, guilt mingling with the ever-present ache of missing him. he was supposed to be the one person who made everything feel a little less impossible, and now you’ve pushed him away.

there has got to be a taylor swift song for this.

so you make your way to your spotify account to listen to afterglow, putting in your airpods while somberly looking at the ceiling once again as the lyrics fill your ears. tears well up as soon as the lyrics start

i blew things out of proportion, now you're blue⸻

tears well up before you can stop them, hot and heavy as they trail down your cheeks. god, you’re a mess. and yet, as much as you hate it, you can’t seem to stop the flood of thoughts that follow.

you miss him. you miss the way he made you laugh even when you were on the verge of tears, the way his ridiculous confidence somehow made you feel like everything would work out. you miss how he’d stay up late just to facetime you when you were overwhelmed with schoolwork, how he always seemed to know exactly when you needed him most.

and now? now you’ve gone and ruined it. maybe he’s angry, maybe he’s hurt, or worse—maybe he’s just done with you entirely.

the thought makes your chest ache, your breaths coming in shallow and uneven as the lyrics hit their crescendo.

i need to say, hey, it’s all me, in my head—

then, suddenly the song changes. you frown as you hear early 2010's pop blast through your ears.

i threw a wish in the well, don't ask me i'll never tell⸻

why the fuck is call me maybe playing?

annoyed and rubbing at your eyes, you move the change it back to, now, the sad girl hours playlist spotify curated for your and assume your dead fish position on the floor once again.

however, it seems as if your spotify is genuinely tweaking, like it's realized it’s gotten your attention. when call me maybe starts playing again, you groan out loud and move your phone. but before you have a chance to switch the song again, it seems to switch.

baby by justin bieber.

call me, blondie.

i love you, i'm sorry, gracie abrams.

letstalkaboutit, aminé.

i don't understand but i luv you, seventeen.

please please please, sabrina carpenter.

and then, once more, as if to really drive the point home: call me maybe, carly rae jepsen.

again, it's 3am, and you're stuck in a surreal mix of grief and confusion, staring at your phone as your spotify queue seems to have gained sentience. each song feels like a pleading nudge, an unmistakable pattern forming, and your blood runs cold when you remember one very important fact.

you share a spotify account with satoru.

"carly rae jepsen," you mutter under your breath, a mix of exasperation and fondness bubbling up despite yourself. he's hijacking your queue. right in the middle of your emo songs.

you sit up abruptly, tossing your airpods onto the bed, and hover over the call button on your phone. there’s a split second of hesitation—your pride battling with your longing—before you give in and press it.

the line rings twice before his voice comes through, breathless, like he’s been pacing. "baby?"

the sound of his voice sends a fresh wave of emotion crashing over you, sharp and raw like an open wound. the sound of his voice makes your stomach twist uncomfortably, equal parts relief and guilt. "satoru," you say, barely above a whisper. "why are you messing with our spotify?"

"why am i messing with our spotify?" he echoes, his tone incredulous. "why did you block me on literally everything? what was i supposed to do—send you a letter by carrier pigeon?"

you wince at the edge in his voice, your earlier anger wilting under the weight of his hurt. "i… i don’t know," you admit, the words tumbling out before you can catch them. "i was upset, and i wasn’t thinking straight. i shouldn’t have done that."

"yeah, you shouldn’t have," he says, still sounding a little indignant, though there’s something softer beneath it now. "do you know how many songs i had to go through to make my point? do you know how hard it was to resist the urge to rickroll you instead?" then, there’s a pause on his end, the line suddenly feeling too quiet. then he sighs, his voice softening into something that feels too much like an apology. "i didn’t know what else to do. i hate not talking to you. i hate knowing i made you upset, even if i don’t entirely understand why."

you close your eyes, the lump in your throat returning with a vengeance. the silence stretches between you, thick and unbearable, until you finally break it. "i’m sorry," you whisper, the words slipping out before you can stop them. "i shouldn’t have blown up at you like that.” and now that the dam has been broken, it all comes rushing out as you start choking up. “i’ve just been so stressed, and i’ve been missing you and then i saw you with her and then got irrationally angry when i really should’ve trusted you and oh my god i’m like a possessive tradwife husband that doesn’t let you leave the farm i’m sorry and i didn’t even communicate before i blew up at you like that—”

"hey. hey, hey, it’s okay," he says immediately, his tone filled with an earnestness that makes your chest tighten. "i know things have been hard for you. i should’ve been better, too. more present. i hate that you’ve been feeling like this while i’ve been...doing spider-man things." then, he lets out a dramatic sigh, the kind that’s equal parts exasperation and playfulness. "but wasn’t fair,” and you can hear a whine in his voice, “you blocked me and then ghosted me like i’m some kind of random tinder match. do you have any idea how insane i felt when i couldn’t even check to see if you were okay? i thought you hated me."

your breath catches at his words, guilt twisting like a knife in your chest. "i don’t hate you," you say quickly, the words spilling out in a rush. "i could never hate you. i was just… stupid, and emotional, and i didn’t know how to handle everything piling up. i’m so, so sorry, satoru."

there’s a pause, and when he speaks again, his voice is quieter, a little more vulnerable. "then why did you say those things? about mei mei, and… and me using the spider-man thing to get into girls’ pants."

you bite your lip, the memory of your harsh words making your throat tighten. "i didn’t mean any of it," you whisper. "i was just lashing out, and i know it wasn’t fair to you. i know you’d never do something like that, and i trust you, satoru. i just… i let my insecurities get the better of me."

"wait," he interrupts, his voice laced with amusement that shouldn’t make your heart ache the way it does. "you actually think i’d use the spider-man thing as a pickup line? that’s...wow. that’s genius. i should write that down."

"satoru!" you exclaim, half-laughing, half-crying, your emotions unraveling all over again. "i’m being serious!"

"i know, i know," he says, but you can hear the smile in his voice, warm and teasing. "and i’m being serious, too. i’d never do that to you. mei mei’s just...she tripped in front of me, i was just helping her up. i didn’t even realize how it must’ve looked, but i’ve never done anything with her. you’re it for me, okay? always."

you sniffle, wiping at your cheeks as your heart swells and aches all at once. "you mean that?"

"of course i do," he says, his voice soft and sincere in a way that makes your breath hitch. "i love you, even when you block me on everything and make me resort to spotify warfare." he sighs again, but this time it’s softer, the warmth in his voice breaking through his remaining irritation. "i’m not mad. i mean, i was mad, but mostly i was just upset. you really hurt my feelings, you know?"

the lump in your throat grows, your guilt threatening to choke you. "i know," you say, your voice cracking. "i’m so sorry, satoru. i’ll make it up to you, i promise."

"oh, you will make it up to me," he says, the teasing edge returning to his tone. "i want a week of boyfriend privileges—no complaining when i steal your fries, no making fun of my movie picks, and you’re buying me snacks for at least three of those days."

a small smile tugs at your lips despite the tears still clinging to your lashes. "deal," you say softly.

there’s a pause on his end, and then his voice comes through the line, quieter but no less sincere. "you really mean it? you’re not still mad at me?"

"i’m not mad," you say, your voice thick with emotion. "i was never really mad at you, satoru. i was mad at everything else, and i took it out on you. but i’m not mad anymore. i just… i miss you."

"i miss you too," he says, and the raw honesty in his voice---the subtle way it chokes up, as if he had been crying and missing you too---makes your chest ache. "so, can i come over? or are you going to make me keep hijacking your playlists to get your attention?"

you laugh softly, the sound tinged with relief. "just come over already, you dummy. and bring snacks. good ones."

"done," he says, his grin audible through the phone. "i’ll be there in twenty. and for the record, you owe me at least a whole playlist dedicated to how amazing i am and you sucking the absolute soul out of my dick---."

"don’t push your luck," you reply, but there’s no heat in your words, only warmth (and you’re absolutely going to suck his soul out of his cock). regardless, for the first time in days, the tightness in your chest starts to ease, replaced by something lighter, something whole.

general masterlist | spiderman!gojo m. list

a/n he's so cute :( i'll keep on writing stuff for them whether it be small fics like this or long ass fics. i think my next one is gonna be freaky if you guys are nice to this one

TAGLIST im really sorry if i missed you if you sent an ask asking to be tagged pls feel free to remind me again im afriad ur ask has drowned in my shitposts and other asks

@chilichopsticks @livelaughloveisagiyoichi @moonchhu @k0z3me @seobluv

@m1gota @celloccino @satxoru @fishrene @myahfig4

@watermelonmuntchers @bxnfire @ayumilk @venussdovess @michelleeveline

@bochichi @applepi25 @6xillaa @almostdifferentstudent @mugamoo

@iv-vee @jaemissso @wil10wthetree @localartisttttt @rirk-ke

@backinmyphase @novaisbebita @heiejdhdh @blueemochii @helloalex80

@gojodickbig @kyon-cherri @nikkissecretlibrary @omg-its-rdj @isleqt

@suguruscousin @idkwhatursayinh @yourfavbabigirl

[teaboot]

This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.

I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.

(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)

Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.

And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.

I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.

And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.

But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.

But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.

And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.

So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.

And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.

But what if I hadn't known how to do that?

What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?

What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?

My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.

And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?

How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?

I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.

I think I'm gonna frame it.*

(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)

[ivyyisbored22]

𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐞? 𝐍𝐨. 𝐒𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒—𝘉𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘯 & 𝘏𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘫𝘪𝘯 𝘹 (𝘧𝘦𝘮) 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

A Stray Kids one shot (requested by @stephanieeeyang. Tysm!)

Synopsis: Why just one when you can have both? And both are just as down bad as you are for them. Alexa, play "Same damn time".

Warnings: SMUT 🔞 after some plot. Uni AU. A pinch of tension. Unprotected sex. Pure FLITH. 3some (first time writing this), double penetration, drunk confessions, mentions of alcohol , dirty talk, rough & gentle HyunChan, cursing, creampie, oral (f recieving), multiple orgasms, rounds, praises, degradation, aftercare, name calling, pet names.

Minors do not interact!!!

Note: Everytime I write something I always think to myself, "This can't get any filthier." I'm always fucking wrong LMFAO. Some things mentioned might seem unrealistic(?), but again, this is fiction. And the story was sent by this ask.

If this isn't your thing, you're more than welcome to skip it.

Reblogs, likes, comments and feedbacks are always appreciated.

ɪ'ᴠᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴏꜰ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ɪᴛ ᴀ ᴍɪʟʟɪᴏɴ ᴛɪᴍᴇꜱ ʙᴜᴛ ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴘᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴍɪꜱᴛᴀᴋᴇ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴡʜᴇʀᴇ, ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ʟᴇᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ.

Word count: 8.5k (it's worth it, just give it a chance🙏🏻)

𝑬𝑵𝑱𝑶𝒀!

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

The city buzzed under your feet, somewhere between excitement and the nightlife. The usual gang—the guys and you—walked together, heading to a late dinner after an afternoon of wandering through art galleries and overpriced thrift shops.

However, you stayed somewhere near the back, not because you didn’t want to walk with them, but because he was up front—Bang Chan, with his sun-warmed smile and easy laugh, chatting with the guys like he wasn’t unknowingly the reason you kept stealing glances.

The cold breeze brushed past your skin, making a few strands of hair fly over your face, you pulled your jacked tighter over you, releasing a slow breath through your nose but your eyes still wandering towards that one certain curly haired boy you just couldn't resist as much as you tried.

You’d liked him for a while now safe to say but quietly. Hopelessly.

"Walk with your brain elsewhere, you're for sure to crash into a pole."

You flinched hard at the sound of that deep, rich voice, as if someone poured a cold bucket of ice on you, jerking you away from your thoughts.

You turned to see Hyunjin casually walking along with you, his hands slipped into the pockets of his pants, that smug smirk tugging the corner of his lips.

"I was walking fine," you muttered, rolling your eyes at him, turning your focus back to the street, following the guys, glancing around at the nightlife.

"Hmm," Hyunjin hummed, his gaze still on you from the corners of his eyes but walking nonchalantly, his height itself a distraction.

Goodness as if one man hasn't already taken over your thoughts. But...it's not wrong to like two men at once right?

"Well, it's not like you're dating Chan anyway."

The voice in the back of your mind said, when another intervened, "What happened to loyalty?'

Shut up.

You muttered that louder than intended, making Hyunjin arch a brow at you.

"Sorry I—" you stuttered. Gosh girl you're an embarrassment aren't you?

The voices in your head just wouldn't shut up.

"These guys are just walking this far for no reason." Hyunjin said, looking straight at Jisung and Felix who were already arguing about the menu, then halted suddenly.

"Wanna take a shortcut with me?" He asked, cocking his head to a sketchy looking alley.

One look down the alley and it was clear, it was dimly lit, tucked between a department store and some old boutique hotel, and absolutely not where the rest of the group was headed.

You hesitated.

But Hyunjin just stood there, hands still in his pockets, watching you with a lazy, almost amused curiosity.

“C’mon,” he said, his voice low, the kind that vibrated through your spine instead of your ears. “It loops back to the main street. I’ve taken it before.”

You looked up the sidewalk. Chan was still walking ahead, shoulders bouncing lightly as he laughed at something Changbin said. He didn’t even look back.

You met Hyunjin's gaze and before your brain protested, you were walking into the dimly lit street with him.

He didn't say anything, the world behind you dimmed, swallowed by the narrow corridor and the gentle thud of your boots on the pavement. It was quiet here, save for the hum of a neon hotel sign and the distant honk of a taxi somewhere nearby.

You tucked your hands into your sleeves, feeling the warmth of Hyunjin’s presence just beside you. Neither of you spoke at first. Not until—

“Chris doesn’t know, does he?”

You turned toward him sharply, heart lurching. “Know what?”

Hyunjin chuckled, low and dry. “That you look at him like that.”

Your throat went dry. You opened your mouth to say something then closed it, opened it again before your teeth dug into your bottom lip.

All you had to do was deny it. Just say, "What are you talking about?", but your silence spoke louder than your words could have.

“It’s cute,” Hyunjin added, hands still casually stuffed in his pockets, eyes ahead like he hadn’t just read you like a book. “You think he hasn’t noticed, but trust me. We’re guys. We notice.”

"Hyunjin," you warned him, unsure what you were warning him against.

How can your heart long for two guys at once? It felt wrong but well Cupid's been feeling bored apparently so you're his victim this time.

Your pulse picked up. You didn’t like where this was going—until Hyunjin's earlier words hit—"Walk with your brain elsewhere, you're for sure to crash into a pole."

Then suddenly, a cart, metal, greasy and loud came rolling out of nowhere from a side garage. You didn’t even see it in time. One second you were walking calmly with your thoughts elsewhere with Hyunjin, the next you stumbled sideways, heart shooting into your throat as the cart clipped your boot.

You braced to fall—Oh god, oh god—

—but Hyunjin caught you.

His arms slipped around your waist just in time, holding you just inches from the cold pavement. You clutched at his chest for balance, your faces close— way too close.

You could feel his breath on your cheek, see the faint mole under his eye, watch the amusement in his eyes flicker into something deeper. His fingers didn’t move. His hold didn’t loosen.

"Thanks." You let out a laugh. Nervous. Short. He didn’t laugh.

“You okay?” he murmured, voice softer now, lower. You nodded, but your eyes hadn’t moved from his. Neither had his from yours.

His fingers brushed a strand of hair away from your face, the fingertips tracing a line on your jaw as the thumb touched your bottom lip.

You swallowed hard, unable to tear your gaze away from his sculptured features and those killing eyes that looked straight into your soul.

Hyunjin leaned in and your breath caught.

His hand slid to the small of your back, his forehead brushing yours—and your brain screamed Chan, no, yes, what are you doing—

You turned your head, just in time.

“Wait,” you breathed out. “You’re… aren’t you with Jiwoo or something?”

His lips barely halted. His brow twitched in mild irritation, like he’d been pulled from a trance. Then he huffed a laugh. “Jiwoo? God no. I don’t know why everyone thinks that.”

He pulled back, just slightly. His hands were still on you. You could still feel where he’d held you.

And suddenly, you weren’t thinking about Chan. You were thinking about Hyunjin’s lips and how close they were. How soft he looked. How sharp he felt.

Your hands pressed on his chest, you could have sworn you felt his heart thudding behind his ribcage. You licked your lips before they parted, as if you invited him yourself.

You kissed him.

It was warm. Deep. Pillow-soft with the kind of careful hunger that left you gasping for air. He tasted like cinnamon gum and the thrill of a bad idea.

And you broke it first.

“We can’t,” you whispered, wiping your lips. “We'll get caught.”

"No one is going to catch us baby," he said lowly before capturing your lips again this time, half harshly half gently, slipping his tongue past yours, angling your head to let himself get more access.

Your hands fisted his hoodie, not stopping him, pressing your body against him, not knowing the world was blurring around you and not knowing a pair of familiar eyes witnessed something you wish they didn't.

You could feel every line of him against you—his warmth, his breath, his hunger. But suddenly… you felt cold.

Like being watched. You pulled away. Hyunjin opened his eyes slowly, like he’d just woken from a dream. “Why’d you stop?” he whispered, still close enough for your noses to brush.

You glanced at the entrance of the alle, hoping to catch someone, but that feeling of being watched disappeared as quickly as it formed.

"We should go," you said, your voice quieter than you meant, barely audible over the faint city hum.

Hyunjin looked at you, his jaw slackening just a little as he took in the shift, the sudden cold behind your eyes. His gaze searched yours for something, maybe permission to keep going, maybe an explanation… but you were already turning away.

“Yeah,” he muttered, clearing his throat as he followed behind.

Eventually you made it to the restaurant, right on time before they all entered, almost nobody had noticed your brief disappearance.

You tried to play it cool and went close to Felix and Han, politely starting a conversation with them to get away, to distract your mind from two guys who had your brain lagging.

You didn’t look at Hyunjin, didn't dare to, but you felt him. The weight of his gaze. The silent question in it.

He took a seat two chairs down, next to Changbin, his jaw clenched and tongue pressed to the inside of his cheek as he dropped into the chair a little harder than necessary.

Then Chan, who was looking at you but wasn’t smiling. His brows weren’t furrowed in anger, either. No, his expression was calm. Too calm.

His gaze was steady and unreadable, but just behind his soft brown irises, there was something hollow.

Your gut feeling of being watched was right. He did see you. But your mind was way too fogged with the remnants of the kiss and chatter of the guys around you to ask how.

The conversation at the table rose and dipped around you like waves, but you were drowning in it, barely able to answer Han when he asked if you were going to share dessert later.

Hyunjin hadn’t said a word.

Chan hadn’t looked at you again.

So you sat there, between the two boys you couldn’t stop thinking about, pretending like your heart wasn’t wrecked over both of them in different, equally devastating ways.

~

The week after the dinner passed by in a blur, mostly because you distracted yourself with assignments, classes and the gym.

At the beginning it seemed fun that you shared a few classes with guys but now after the tension rising between you, Chan and Hyunjin at the restaurant that night, you cursed the universe for putting the three of you in the same class.

And for making your professor group you into working together for a project.

"I'll do my part and text you when I'm done," Hyunjin said, typing away on his phone, not bothering to look up at you or Chan, before he walked out of the classroom.

Your heart sank like someone had thrown it in the ocean tied to a stone.

You could hear the quiet shuffle of his bag, the creak of his chair, and the sound of your own breath as you avoided his eyes and stacked your notes with trembling fingers.

“I can drop you home,” he said after a beat. His voice was gentle, casual, too casual for how it curled under your skin and made your stomach flip.

You looked at Chan, feeling tired to protest so you gently nodded, smiling, walking along with him outside the class towards the parking lot.

The car ride was quiet. Rain drizzled lightly outside, streaking across the windshield as city lights blurred into soft golds and reds.

You sat stiffly in the passenger seat, fiddling with the strap of your bag, acutely aware of the space between you.

Chan had one hand on the wheel, the other drumming absentmindedly against his thigh, and his jaw was set like he was chewing back something.

You wondered if he was avoiding your eyes because he didn’t want you to see what they’d say. Or maybe, you were the one who wasn’t ready to listen.

You finally broke. “Are you alright?”

Chan didn’t answer right away. His eyes remained fixed on the road. Then he muttered, "I am."

Your heart sank deeper, so many emotions raging inside your body, you wanted to scream, to run away, to cry? You didn't know, it just felt overwhelming.

"Why are you being cold?" You asked gently, your voice almost blended with the sound of the quiet engine.

He didn’t answer at first.

The only sound in the car was the rhythmic swipe of the windshield wipers and the hum of the tires gliding along the wet asphalt.

His jaw flexed once. Twice. Then he exhaled, like he’d been holding something in for far too long.

“I’m not,” he said finally, but it was the kind of answer someone gave when they didn’t want to explain the storm behind it.

“Yes, you are,” you whispered. “You haven’t looked at me the same since—”

"I'm just tired, okay? That's it." His tone was sharp but it felt cruel, a sound you never heard from him and that sliced your heart into shreds.

You weren’t sure what hurt more—the sharpness of his voice, or the fact that he couldn’t even look at you when he said it.

"Oh," you said finally, your voice so small you weren’t sure if it was even audible over the low hum of the car.

Chan rubbed a hand over his face, breathing out slowly like he regretted the way it came out but didn’t know how to take it back. His eyes stayed forward, watching the rain trickle down the windshield in lazy streaks.

“I didn’t mean that,” he muttered, but it sounded forced.

"You don’t have to lie, you know," you said quietly, almost to the window instead of him. "If you’re mad at me, just be mad."

"I’m not mad." His grip tightened on the steering wheel.

You looked at him, at the way his lashes cast soft shadows over his cheek, the way his lips pressed into a flat, unreadable line.

You felt your heart drop. Like the air had left the car completely. Your fingernails bit into your palms as you stared down at your lap, fighting the sting in your eyes.

He finally reached your apartment. The car rolled to a slow stop in front of your building, headlights casting pale yellow light across the front step. You undid your seatbelt quietly, the soft click almost deafening in the silence between you.

You didn’t move to get out. Neither did he.Your hand hovered near the door handle, and then...paused. You looked at him again, giving him a small, broken smile and opened the door.

The cold night air rushed in. You stepped out.

"Thanks for the ride." You didn’t look back when you closed the door. Didn’t see the way Chan stared at the empty passenger seat long after you disappeared behind your building door.

He never told you he saw.

And maybe that was the part that would haunt you most.

~

"Yeah, he said the flight is..." The corridor was buzzing with the sound of students walking past each other, conversations and then morning rush filling the air.

You made it to uni looking like you had quite a night—swollen lips, puffy eyes, pink cheeks.

Have you been crying all night? Yes.

As you turned the corner into the open student lounge area, your steps faltered. There they were. Chan and Hyunjin.

Leaning casually against the vending machine counter, steaming takeout coffees in hand, mid-conversation like nothing was wrong.

Like your heart hadn’t been flipped, twisted, wrung out over and over for the past week.

Chan laughed softly at something Hyunjin said, his dimple flashing faintly as he sipped his coffee. Hyunjin, was in his usual oversized bomber, leaned back on his elbows, head tilted with that same relaxed charm he always carried.

Their eyes flicked up. Both pairs met yours.

You just stood there, half asleep, your hand clutching the strap of your bag, the hood and a few strands of hair covering your face.

"What happened to you?" Hyunjin asked, masking a playful teasing tone that felt distantly familiar. You arched an eyebrow at him then rolled your eyes, taking in a deep breath.

"Just spent the night finishing my part of the project. We can hand it in today."

You said, trying your best to hide the fact that you had been crying over two guys that drove you to insanity but they were here, sipping coffee like it was another normal day.

It was a normal day. Your hormones are well—when are the hormones ever kind right?

Hyunjin blinked at your response, the corners of his mouth twitching up in a lazy smirk. “Damn,” he said, drawing out the word as he took another sip of coffee.

“And here I was thinking you just decided to cry over us.” Your heart stopped, your breath catching in your throat you almost choked on it.

You huffed a dry laugh, brushing past it. “Sorry to disappoint.”

Chan didn’t say anything. Not at first. He was looking at the floor, his cup halfway to his lips, taking another sip.

Then he looked back at Hyunjin and said, "We should celebrate. We’re finally done with that damn thing."

Your brows lifted in surprise.

Hyunjin turned toward Chan, a brow arched, almost as if he was waiting for him to say more, but when he didn’t, Hyunjin grinned and shrugged. "Yeah. Our place tonight?"

You hesitated. For a second, no longer than a breath.

Your gut screamed: don’t do it.

Your heart whispered: go.

“Sure,” you said. “If there’s snacks.”

Chan gave a breath of a laugh. “I’ll get them.”

You hated how it made your chest flutter. You hated how effortlessly he could undo you.

"Come after seven," Hyunjin added, tapping his phone screen, already texting something you assumed was details or some silly group chat. "Don’t be late."

And just like that, the conversation moved on. They resumed their back-and-forth about professors, and why Minho had ghosted the group chat again.

But you… you stayed quiet. Your head was already spiraling. Because tonight, you were going to walk into their apartment, their space. After everything.

After the kiss.

After the silence.

***

The TV played some nameless reality show, the table spread out with Chinese takeout and Soju.

Thank god tomorrow is a Saturday.

You had finished your share of noodles, accompanied with a few dumplings and a pudding, and now your mind was all groggy after a few sips of alcohol.

Your alcohol tolerance was quite low, so even just a few shots of soju was enough to have you tipsy.

The half cold, half bitter liquid ran down your throat as you chugged it down mixed with coke, your chest heaving in a loud breath.

Chan glanced at you then at Hyunjin who was watching you concerned. Chan leaned forward, taking the glass away from you and pushing the alcohol bottles back.

"That's enough," he said, his voice almost like it was floating past your head. "You've drank a lot."

You tried to open your eyes to look at him, but they struggled and you smiled lazily, blinking slowly.

"I only had one si—sip," you hiccuped, sounding like you weren't tipsy but actually drunk.

Hyunjin moved first. He rose from his spot beside the coffee table, his long fingers curling gently around your wrist as he crouched beside you. His touch was careful, almost hesitant—like you were fragile, and one wrong move would shatter you completely.

“Here,” he said quietly, holding a glass of water out to you. You blinked at him again, unfocused and soft, but your fingers reached for the glass. Your hand barely wrapped around it before he helped you lift it to your lips.

The water felt cool, grounding, but it did nothing to stop the heat prickling beneath your skin. The one brought on not by the soju, but by them.

Hyunjin's eyes didn’t leave your face as you took a few sips. Neither did Chan’s. You could feel his stare, burning into your side like a silent question.

“Good girl,” Hyunjin muttered under his breath, almost as if he didn’t mean to say it out loud.

The words slid over you like silk.

“Thaaank youuu,” you whispered with a lopsided smile, letting out a small breath as Hyunjin set the glass down.

Your head leaned slightly toward him like your body was betraying the secret you had shoved deep down all week.

His hand came up to steady you, fingers brushing your jaw as your eyelids fluttered shut for a moment.

"Careful," Chan said, still watching, voice tight.

You turned your head slowly toward Chan, eyes hooded and lips parted, your voice a whisper, not from nerves, but from truth.

"I want both of you."

The room went still.

The TV still played in the background, the sound of someone crying over burnt rice or a missed love confession. But here, in this dimly lit apartment, it was like time hit pause.

Hyunjin froze, his body supporting your lazy form, laying on the side of his chest.

Chan stared, his lips parted slightly, brows drawing together like he was trying to figure out if he heard you right or if it was just the alcohol talking.

But you didn’t stop talking.

"I want you both. At the same time," you repeated, slower this time, the words tasting like warmth and shame and something heavier, like relief.

"Hyunjin…" you turned toward him. "You kissed me like you meant it."

Then to Chan. "But you…Chan...God, you look at me like you already know how I fall apart."

Neither of them said a word. Just stared at each other then at you, your half limp body laid on Hyunjin.

"Sweetheart," Chan started softly, like he was talking to a child, "You've had too much, you need to rest."

"But I haven't!" You squeaked, lifting your body up and falling into Chan's arms who caught you with a blink of an eye, arms strong and steady.

"I tried not to ruin things. I tried to choose. But—but the truth is…I—I don’t want to."

Your face pressed to his chest, your fingers tangled in the soft fabric of his shirt, and his scent wrapped around you like a sigh.

Chan’s jaw tensed above you, but he didn’t say anything. His hand just rubbed slow, reassuring circles over your back.

Hyunjin looked at the two of you, his heart clenching with something so painfully close to possessiveness, but he kept his guard down, only focusing on your words that kept slipping out.

"I...I ruined us didn't I...?" You slurred, half sleepy, half drunk, turning to see Hyunjin through your hazy vision.

There was silence. Not the kind that hurts but the kind that listens.

"No baby," Hyunjin's hand cupped your cheek, his eyes were impossibly soft, "You didn't ruin anything." He whispered.

You leaned into Hyunjin's hand, your body sagging onto Chan's, taking a slow deep breath as your eyes fluttered close then opened.

"I want you both so...so...bad."

Chan exhaled slowly, his breath warming your temple. "You’re drunk, sweetheart," he murmured again, softer this time. "We’re not going to take advantage of that."

Your chest squeezed painfully at his words, because of course he was right. Of course he would be the one to stay grounded when your world was spinning.

You could feel Hyunjin watching, but you didn’t have the courage to meet his eyes again.

"But I need, hmmf," you tilted your head up, slightly enough to meet Chan's gaze.

"You...and..," you looked at Hyunjin, "...and you..."

Your finger lifted clumsily between them both, like a declaration with no rules, no permission asked. Hyunjin leaned forward slowly, as if every inch toward you cost him restraint.

His hand, still cupping your cheek, brushed his thumb gently beneath your eye. "You’re not thinking clearly right now, angel," he said, voice tender. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”

But you did.

"I do,” you murmured, softer now, eyes glistening, your lips barely moving. "I like how you," you gazed up at Chan again, "how you keep me so safe and make me feel loved and," you met Hyunjin's face, "how you want to kill anyone who gets or is too close to me..."

Chan looked at Hyunjin. Hyunjin looked at Chan.

It wasn’t a stare of rivalry, it was something heavier. Like they were silently measuring each other’s resolve. Respect. History. And the girl resting in Chan’s arms like she belonged there, yet aching for Hyunjin’s touch like she needed that too.

Chan sighed through his nose, his large hand soothing up and down your back. “You’re drunk, baby. You’re saying what your heart wants, but your body can’t keep up with it tonight.”

“I can,” you mumbled, but your limbs betrayed you, barely holding their shape anymore, going soft against him like putty.

Hyunjin chuckled at your stubbornness, brushing the hair away from your temple. "No, you can’t and that’s okay."

There was no sarcasm in his tone. No teasing.

Only care. Only longing.

And the bitter sweetness of holding back.

Chan shifted slightly beneath you, readjusting your weight so he could cradle you better. “You’re going to sleep in my bed tonight. We’ll be here when you wake up. Nothing more.”

“But—”

“No buts.” He pressed a kiss to the crown of your head. “We heard you. Every word.”

Hyunjin stood up, walking over to open the door to Chan's bedroom and Chan slowly stood up as well, carrying you in his arms and this time your body fully gave up.

Chan gently laid you on the mattress and Hyunjin pulled the sheets over you, turning on the AC, the both of them watching the rise and fall of your chest, the soft curve of your hand curled against the pillow, your lips parted like you’d fallen asleep mid-sentence.

They walked out of his bedroom, in dreadful silence, closing the door gently behind them.

"She meant it," Hyunjin said quietly, voice low.

"I know," Chan replied. "The moment I saw you kiss her."

Hyunjin stiffened slightly. "You think I didn’t know?" Chan gave a sad smile, shaking his head. "I knew already. And I didn’t stop it, either."

Hyunjin looked down. "Because you like her too."

"Yeah,” Chan breathed out, fingers curling into a gentle fist. "And I think… I think she loves us both."

There was a pause, heavy with things unsaid. Questions, boundaries, the slow realization that they were both walking the same tightrope.

"…So what do we do now?" Hyunjin finally asked. Chan turned to look at him, serious but soft. "We wait. Let her wake up sober. If she still wants this tomorrow—"

"We give her everything," Hyunjin finished.

Chan nodded once.

And they both meant it.

***

The sheets rustled as you turned, a strangely familiar scent invading your senses as you stirred awake.

Sunlight filtered through pale curtains, casting a soft glow across the unfamiliar space. The scent that lingered in the air was clean laundry, coffee...and them.

You blinked again.

Not your bedroom. The room was bigger, tidier, and a desk pushed up against the wall—books, headphones, hoodies strewn across them in patterns you’d come to recognise far too well. Your heart skipped.

Chan and Hyunjin’s apartment.

"I want both of you."

You sat up sharply, eyes widening.

Memories came crashing back like waves. The confession. The way Chan looked at you—serious, protective. The way Hyunjin touched your face like he was afraid you’d vanish if he blinked. And the heat that simmered between the three of you, ready to boil over.

The door creaked open.

Your head snapped in that direction and then promptly forgot how to function.

There stood Hyunjin in black shorts and tank top that clung just a little too well to his torso, tousled hair falling into his eyes. Behind him came Chan, also dressed in a tank top and shorts, coffee mugs in hand.

He looked warm. Effortlessly devastating.

Hyunjin smirked. “Morning, sleeping beauty.”

Chan chuckled behind him, his voice deep and smooth.

You swallowed hard, feeling a slight pulse in the back of your head. Hyunjin set a tray on the bedside table—toast, and a tiny bowl of strawberries and Chan set the mugs down beside the tray, looking at you.

"Why don't you freshen up?" Chan said softly, "Here," he walked over to his wardrobe and grabbed one of his oversized t-shirts.

Your fingers curled around the fabric Chan handed you—warm, soft, and smelling unmistakably like him. You blinked up at him, your heart caught somewhere between your throat and your stomach.

He wasn’t teasing. Neither of them were.

Hyunjin gave you a faint smile, softer than his usual smirks. “There's a toothbrush in the drawers. Take your time. We’ll be right here.”

You nodded slowly, hugging the tee to your chest as you padded into their bathroom. The moment the door shut, your chest heaved with a quiet breath.

Everything felt real now. No alcohol haze. No what-ifs. Just you—and the two men outside waiting like they’d already decided.

You rinsed your face with cool water, trying to calm the heat under your skin. But even that couldn’t dull the pulse steadily building between your legs. Not when their buff frames had your knees weak.

You slipped out of your clothes and bra, putting on the tee over your head. It fell easily over your frame, soft against your skin, the sleeves a bit too long, the length falling mid thigh.

You didn’t bother with pants. You didn’t want to. When you opened the door again and walked into the bedroom, both of them looked up from where they sat at each edge of the bed.

“I told you,” Hyunjin murmured, tilting his head toward Chan. “She makes it look better than you ever did.”

Chan let out a low hum of agreement, standing. He crossed to you in two easy steps.

“You okay?” Chan asked gently.

You nodded, your throat dry. “Just… feels surreal.”

“Still thinking about last night?” Hyunjin asked, but there was no teasing in his tone this time, just genuine curiosity.

You looked at him, then at Chan, both their eyes were on you. And for the first time, you didn’t feel guilty for wanting both. “I meant when I said it,” you said quietly. “I want you both. I still do.”

A grin painted Chan's face as he kneeled in front of you, his hands sliding slowly up your bare thighs under the tee, “If we do this,” he murmured, “you don’t get to hide from us after. Not emotionally. Not physically.”

“O—okay,” you whispered, your voice slightly shaking.

A shiver ran straight down your spine, your thighs instinctively pressing together, but Chan’s hands were already there, gently parting them again.

You gasped when his thumbs brushed the edge of your panties, feeling just how wet and warm you’d gotten already.

He stood up, placing his hand on the small of your back, guiding you back to the bed. The mattress dipped beneath your weights as you sat down, Hyunjin who was sitting in front of you leaned into your ear.

"That means when we fuck you,” he whispered, “we fuck you like you’re ours. Got it?"

You nodded, swallowing hard as you felt Hyunjin's face brush against your cheek.

“Lay back for us,” Chan said, standing and guiding you gently down onto the bed. “Let us take care of you.”

You laid back slowly, your heart thudding beneath your ribs, nerves dancing under your skin.

The moment your back hit the sheets, Hyunjin’s hands slid up the inside of your thighs with practiced ease, his gaze hooded, hungry—but beneath it, a glint of something warmer.

Chan hovered at your side, his fingertips brushing your cheek as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “Breathe, sweetheart,” he whispered, “we’re not going anywhere.”

Hyunjin pushed the tee up, revealing your pink lacy panties, a damp patch clinging onto your pussylips, the musky scent of your arousal driving up his senses.

“So soaked already,” he muttered, voice rough with approval.

He traced his long finger over the fabric, teasing your entrance, making you whimper, the muscles in your thighs tensing under his touch.

"Baby... look at me," Chan tilted your face, making you look into his eyes, his lips brushing over your cheeks, jawline, the corner of your eye before capturing them fully into his mouth.

You moaned softly into him, heat blooming through your stomach, your body exposed beneath their eyes.

Hyunjin's lips brushed over your hip bone, sucking a bruise into your skin, kissing every part of you he uncovered before focusing back on your clothed cunt.

He spread your legs with ease, sliding your panties to the side and pressed his mouth into your pussy, your gasp into Chan's mouth shattered the stillness.

He licked a slow, teasing stripe through your folds, groaning into you like he was starving. The grip on your thighs tightened, keeping you spread open for his mouth while his tongue moved with deliberate pressure.

Your hips bucked, pleasure shooting up your spine. Chan pulled back, leaving your lips swollen and slick from his kisses.

“Good girl,” he murmured, voice like silk and gravel. “So responsive. You like how Hyunjin tastes you, huh?”

You could only nod, breathless, moaning as Hyunjin flattened his tongue and sucked on your clit.

Chan's fingers traced your breasts, circling the buds over his tee till they peaked, making them strain against the fabric, your hips shifted for more friction from below.

"You taste so sweet baby," Hyunjin murmured against your sloppy, went cunt, his chin soaked with your arousal, thrusting his tongue right into making you arch.

"That's it... Let him ruin you baby," Chan praised you, his mouth wrapping around your erect nipple while his free hand pinch and played with the other; God, this felt so good.

Too good.

Both Chan's and Hyunjin's cocks were fighting for freedom behind their shorts, the bulging and the throbbing of it now impossible to ignore.

"I— I need," you cried, your voice cutting short when Hyunjin's fingers slipped in with ease from how wet you were, curling them just right as he hit that spot making your eyes roll to the back of your skull.

Your thighs trembled violently now, muscles twitching under Hyunjin’s grip as he drove his fingers in deeper, tongue working relentlessly over your clit in tight, rhythmic circles.

"Fuck—Hyun," you whimpered, legs instinctively trying to close, but his hands pinned you wide open.

"Stay still, sweetheart," Chan cooed, voice syrup-slick as he leaned in again, capturing your lips, swallowing your moans like he was starving for them. “Let him make you come. You’re almost there, aren’t you?”

You nodded, helplessly grinding down against Hyunjin’s face, chasing the climax that was building like a storm under your skin.

Hyunjin growled low against you, the vibration making you cry out as he licked into you harder, deeper, matching the pace of his fingers.

“She’s dripping,” he mumbled, tongue curling along your folds, "You’re fucking perfect like this."

One of your hands fisted the sheets while the other clung onto Chan's bicep, his fingers now continuing to play with your nipples, after leaving his bruising trail of hickeys, marking himself on your chest.

Chan's hand moved from your breast to stroke your jaw, tilting your face so your teary eyes met his. “That’s it. You’re doing so good for us, baby,” he whispered. “Let go. Give it to him.”

And you did.

The orgasm hit so hard, it shattered you. Your mouth dropped open in a silent scream, back arching clean off the bed, thighs locking around Hyunjin’s head as he kept licking you through it, drawing out every trembling second.

Your body convulsed, hot fat tears sliding down the corners of your eyes as the waves rolled and rolled. Chan held you through it, petting your hair, grounding you, whispering praises you could barely hear over the blood rushing in your ears.

You shook so hard that when Hyunjin pulled back from your pussy, he whimpered at the loss of legging it go, but had to give you time to recover from how much you came.

When your body went slack, Hyunjin leaned up, his eyes wild, meeting Chan’s gaze across your body.

“She’s ready now,” he said, voice rough, pupils blown. Chan’s gaze dropped to you, checking for something—any hesitation—but all he saw was the blissed-out desperation still lingering on your face, your lips parted, chest heaving, legs trembling.

The gentle restraint on Chan's face snapped when his eyes met Hyunjin's with a devilish smirk, he leaned down to press a soft kiss on your forehead before whispering, "This is going to be hard. Fast. Soul crushing and we are going to ruin you."

Your eyes were glassy, every nerve ending in your body on fire as you squealed at Chan's growl. "Tell us or tap on us if it's too much and we will stop, but you better take everything we give you like the good little slut you are."

And that was the last of the gentleness you saw of Chan before he nodded at Hyunjin, removing his tee off of you and flipped you onto your stomach.

The both of them got off the bed, the syncing sound of the clinks of their belts echoing together as they shredded their pants, revealing their now impossibly hard cocks, heavy against their abs, thick and leaking beady drops of pre cum.

You took one look at their sizes and you knew you wouldn't make it out with the ability to walk after today.

You're definitely taking a sick leave for the week.

Hyunjin's hand cupped your face, carnal urges taking over his brain to just fuck you senseless already and Chan moved to the other side, ripping your panties and squeezing the flesh of your ass before giving it a sharp slap! making you gasp.

"Get on your hands and knees," he growled his command, and you did, slowly getting up with your face still in Hyunjin's grasp.

Hyunjin traced his thumb over your bottom lip, pushing it into your mouth, his other hand fisting his leaking cock, so long and proud, the tip flushing red and a long vein running underneath, you swallowed hard as you registered the position you were in.

"Suck," you already were before the world left his mouth, greedily sucking on his thumb, your cheeks flushed hot.

Chan lined himself between your legs, his thumb smearing your wetness before tracing the thick head of his cock against your entrance making you inhale a sharp breath.

"Relax angel..." Chan's voice dropped an octave, "just relax." He muttered, holding your hips as he pushed the thick length of his cock past your tight walls.

"Open your mouth," Hyunjin growled, pulling his thumb out. Your mouth fell open and he pushed his cock in, the warmth wrapping around his shaft until your nose pressed against the faint trail of hair.

"Holy fuck—" Chan gritted through his teeth. "She's fucking tight," he pushed all the way in, his cock sitting snug inside you and letting your gummy walls adjust to him, he felt like he could come the very second.

"What a slut, look at her." Hyunjin's voice was strained as he held your jaw, beginning to fuck his cock into your mouth while Chan pulled back enough to let the tip tease your entrance once more before slamming back in.

Tears leaked from your eyes, drooling dribbling down from the corners of your mouth and your juices coating Chan's cock, you were getting fucked from the front and back by the two men who showed zero signs of mercy in bed.

You were choking on Hyunjin's length and clenched around Chan, both of them groaning loudly, Chan's fingers holding your waist so tight, his fingers left marks on your skin.

Chan gave one hard thrust into you, pushing you forward, Hyunjin's cock touched the back of your throat, making you gag, his head fell back as he held onto the headboard to brace himself.

"Shit, be gentle with her Chris what the fuck?"

Hyunjin grittted, his chest rising and falling, sweating clinging onto his skin and Chan's hand dipping down your stomach to circle your clit in rough strokes making you shut your eyes and clench him hard.

"She loves it Hyunjin. Look at her, taking two cocks like the needy little slut she is."

You whimpered at his filthy words, no room to breath, hair tangled, skin sweaty and eyes teared up, you were turned on and ruined beyond belief.

Your breasts bounced with each thrust, hands fisting the sheets, moans were muffled while getting fucked and choked and their loud groans of pleasure filling the air.

"I might come right now, fuck," Hyunjin panted before pulling his cock out of your mouth, letting you breath, long sticky strings of spit clinging from his length onto your lips.

Oxygen rushed into your lungs but was cut short when another brutal thrust hit you from behind, the tip of Chan's cock touching your cervix ripping a loud cry out of your throat.

"Can't take it sweetheart? Hmm? Should we stop?" Chan cooed, so mean and ruthless, you were too fucked out to make up words so you shook your head.

"That's what I thought."

Hyunjin slipped himself back into your mouth holding your jaw, the tangling the strands of your hair, your tongue traced every ridge and vein of his silky velvet shaft as he rolled his hips forward, making you take it all.

"That's it, sweet angel letting me fuck her pretty mouth like it's mine."

"Mine?" Chan hissed, rubbing your clit in rough circles and slapping your ass again, the stinging pain mixing with pleasure before he growled, "No. She's OURS."

Chan kept thrusting into you, deeper and deeper, brushing that sweet squishy spot in you repeatedly.

Molten lava dripped down his spine as thunder roared in Hyunjin's chest, both of them slamming into you one after another before Chan hit that sensitive spot making you shatter again, your walls squeezing him as you came flooding on his cock.

White warmth spilled down your throat while another load gathered inside your cunt, painting your walls, the two of them filling you up with their cum, using you like a fuck toy, their cocks twitching endlessly inside you.

"Swallow every drop," Hyunjin growled, pulling out of your mouth and you did, feeling the sweet saltiness of his hot load slide down your throat.

Chan pulled out slowly, watching his cum drip out of your wrecked hole, chest heaving and his curls clung onto his forehead.

You lost your balance and almost fell but Chan's hand slipped around your body and caught you. You were lost in worlds beyond pleasure— freshly fucked and completely ruined but by the smirk on Hyunjin's face said they weren't done by a long shot.

"Can you give us one more round sweetheart?" His thumb brushed so gently over your tear stained face, your eyes lashes were damp, your nose and cheeks were flushed.

"One more for us like a good girl?"

Your chest still heaved in heavy breaths, Hyunjin ran his hand through your hair, pushing them away from your face.

"Alright, we'll give you some time to breathe." He said, smiling as if he wasn't about to wreck you again in the next few minutes.

You weren't sure if you could take it anymore. But the way Chan felt inside you and Hyunjin felt down your throat, your lust filled, foggy brain wanted more.

After what was like five minutes, once your breathing was back at a good pace, Chan's eyes met yours again, soft but filled with a beast like hunger that was ready to devour anything that came in his way.

Hyunjin sat behind you, scooping your body, making you sit on his lap before he laid down, his head on the mattress bringing your back flush against his chest.

You felt the hardness of his cock against your ass, your pulse spiking up, anticipation running through every nerve ending as he angled you above him.

Chan hovered over the two of you, his gaze piercing into yours and running down your body, skin peppered with his hickeys and fingerprints, a smug grin tugging his lips.

"Ready for us, angel?"

"Yes," you whispered, and that was all it took.

Hyunjin's fingers found your sensitive, swollen clit, rubbing it in right circles as they dipped down to your entrance, parting your puffy folds before pushing his shaft into you in one deep stroke.

Inch by inch, until he was fully sheathed inside you, groaning between your neck and shoulder. You cried out from the stretch, the fullness, your walls fluttering as you clenched around him.

“Fuck—” Hyunjin hissed, “you are tight.”

Chan came up, his hands skimming your body, squeezing your breasts, mouth pressing to your neck. “Don’t worry, sweetheart,” he whispered hotly, “you’ll make room for me too.”

Your heart thundered in your chest as Hyunjin’s cock remained unmoving inside you.

Chan watched your face, eyes glazed and no rational thought in his mind. “You’re okay,” Chan murmured against your jaw, kissing it.

“Breathe through it, baby. We’ve got you.”

Hyunjin pressed up, chest pressing to your back as he lined himself up carefully. His lips brushed your ear. “Relax,” he whispered. “Let us in.”

You exhaled, your body trembling from anticipation and pleasure, and slowly, Chan began to push in.

The stretch burned—sharp, a slight sting at first, then full and overwhelming.

Hyunjin grunted beneath you, his hands gripping your waist tighter as Chan filled the remaining space, pushing in inch by inch until he was fully seated, your body now stuffed with both of them.

You could barely breathe. Could barely think anymore.

“You’re doing so fucking well,” Chan whispered. “Taking us like you were made for this.”

“Look at her,” Hyunjin murmured, his voice hoarse. “So full of dick.”

You let out a broken moan, tears springing to your eyes from the intense stretch, the fullness, the feeling of being theirs completely.

They went slow at first. Timed. When Chan pulled back, Hyunjin pushed in—and vice versa. It was a rhythm that had your body shaking, your hands fisting the sheets, your mouth open but speechless from how overpowering it felt.

You were drowning in ecstasy, buried under praise and thrusts and heat and hands.

"God, you’re perfect," Chan groaned, his voice fraying at the edges. "So fucking wet, feel how messy you are, baby?"

“She’s dripping down on me,” Hyunjin answered, filthy and sweet in the same breath. "She likes being fucked dumb by us."

"Is that right?” Chan said, slowing his pace just to grind deep, right into your sweet spot. "You want us to ruin you, pretty girl?"

Your nails dug into the sheets, then into Chan’s shoulders as you tried to hold onto something—anything—but your body wasn’t yours anymore.

It belonged to them. Your mind, your pleasure, your heartbeat, everything was tangled up in the two of them.

They moved in tandem, one pulling out slightly while the other pushed in deeper, never leaving you empty, never letting the pleasure dip for even a second. You cried out as another orgasm crested, sudden and rushing.

The sounds leaving your bodies were sick, obscene, a filthy symphony of flesh on flesh and breathless gasps that made the walls feel too thin for what was happening inside.

“Fuck—Chan—Hyun—” you sobbed, your thighs trembling.

"That's it baby, come for us. Soak these cocks."

Chan kissed you hard, swallowing the sound of your moans. Hyunjin groaned when you clenched around them both, his hand snaking around to rub tight circles against your clit.

“So fucking perfect when you come.”

Their pace picked up, faster, rougher, a perfect storm of pressure and heat and praise. The sound of skin against skin, moans, the slurred mess of your name on both their lips, it was everything.

And then the pressure snapped.

You came with a scream, your whole body convulsing, brain going mush, walls clenching so tightly around them both that they swore under their breaths, holding on through the waves of your orgasm.

Hyunjin was next, thrusting harder as he chased his own edge. "Gonna fill you up, baby. Gonna fucking—"

He came with a hiss, buried deep inside you, his grip tight around your hips as he stilled, twitching, his teeth dug into your shoulder from the intensity of how much he released.

Chan wasn’t far behind, pulling you closer, holding your face as he locked eyes with you while he gave one final, deep thrust and spilled thick spurts inside you with a low moan.

You were stuffed full with cock and cum, the white fluid basically leaking from the corners of your cunt, the substance overloaded up in you.

Chan's forehead dropped to yours, sweat-slick skin pressed against you as he panted against your mouth.

All of you trembled through the aftershocks, breathless and wrecked, but Chan quickly braced himself to not collapse on your limp body.

His cock slid out first, then Hyunjin. Chan got up on his knees watching your body utterly used and railed, the two of them pushing you beyond what you thought you could give, only to pull you back to reality and piece you back together.

Chan ran a hand through his sweat damp hair as he got off the bed, walking out of the room into the washroom to grab a warm cloth.

You remained motionless, breathing heavily on top of Hyunjin, who gently moved you to the mattress next to him, his fingers tracing softly over the bite mark he planted on your shoulder and over the hickeys Chan had left.

Chan returned, with a cloth in his hand, getting back on the bed, watching you carefully.

"Let me clean you baby," he said, gently parting your legs to wipe off the evidence he and Hyunjin had left in you.

Hyunjin got off the bed and put on his boxers, running into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

You winced slightly at the first swipe of the cloth, your body so oversensitive, pussy swollen, raw and tender in every sense of the word. But Chan’s touch was gentle and reverent.

"Sorry," he murmured, brushing a hand over your thigh. "Almost done, sweetheart."

You didn’t say anything, your throat felt thick, your limbs heavy, but not in a bad way. Your heart was full and you felt like you were floating.

Chan finished and tossed the cloth into the laundry basket nearby, his eyes scanning your body like he was memorizing you in this quiet, wrecked state.

His hand cupped your cheek softly, thumb brushing the dampness under your eye you hadn’t realized was still there.

“You okay?” he asked, voice low. A whisper between the two of you.

"Yeah..." you nodded slowly. "But I think I'm going to be sore for like a week."

Chan chuckled as Hyunjin returned, kneeling beside the bed with a glass of water. His brows softened as he saw you trying to sit up.

“Hey, no,” he said softly, helping you rest against the pillows instead. “Drink first.”

He held the glass to your lips, and you took small sips, feeling the cool water calm your dry throat after that much screaming.

You looked between them, voice quiet. "Are you both okay?"

Hyunjin gave a soft laugh, a little out of breath still. "I think you broke me, but in a good way.'

Chan reached forward to brush a small peck on your lips. “We’re okay, baby. Just making sure that you are.”

The two of them climbed back on the bed, one on either side of you, sandwiching you between their strong chests.

"Gonna spend the day with us today?" Hyunjin asked teasingly, his voice smooth as he pressed his lips on your temple.

"I don't feel like leaving you both," you mumbled sleepily, and they both chuckled.

“Good,” Chan said, rubbing slow circles on your thigh. “You’re not going anywhere from us.”

You exhaled a slow breath, melting into them completely. You were held between the two boys who had unknowingly tangled their way into your heart, body sore, lips kiss-swollen, a soft ache between your legs, but still you smiled wide.

Because you didn’t feel wrong anymore.

You felt wanted.

You felt theirs.

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[choslut]

˖ ࣪ ، ◞ せ⌇ BABY MOMMA. featuring k. nanami.

↻ there’s nothing nanami wants more in the world than to make you a mommy, and give you his beautiful kids.

tags : breeding kink, creampie, mommy kink (if you squint), messy sex, pet names, feral nanami, marathon sex, lactation + pregnancy (fantasized), ovulation cycle // wc. 0.9k

author’s note : sorry this one’s a lil late, i’ve been busy with theme changes and real life is throwing a million and one hurdles at me and i just can’t keep up 😞 you can't tell me that nanami wouldn't be a massive family man, so here i have him completely desperate to start a family with you and give you his babies. notes and reblogs are always appreciated, and check out my masterlist for non-event based works <3 !!

this work is NSFW. minors and ageless blogs DO NOT INTERACT.

it’s been hours. hours since nanami even proposed the idea of trying for kids, and now, it’s all he can fucking think about. 

it’s all you can think about too, given the fact that he’s fucked you out of your mind, legs numb from being in missionary for as long as you remember with nanami plunging in and out of you, the tip of his cock nudging your cervix with every single thrust. 

it’s repetitive. it’s addicting. 

“hah- kento, can’t take no more…” your voice is a sheepish babble, nails digging into his back as tears stream down your face. “ ‘s too much, ken, please–“

nanami grunts in your ear, hips never ceasing movement as he ruts into you. “g’na have to, sweetheart. this one’s gotta take.”

he said that about the last one, and the one before that, and the one before that… and fuck, you can’t keep up with how many times he’s said it because he’s been going at it for so long with only one goal in mind. 

he’s gonna give you kids. he’s gonna make you a mommy, and you’re gonna raise his kids with him as his wife. 

it’s all he’s ever wanted. it’s all he’s ever dreamed of, and when he watches you lounge around the house wearing nothing but a bra and his oversized dress shirt and a wedding ring fit snugly on your finger, he really can’t stop himself from imagining what you would look like with a swollen tummy, breasts spilling out of that same bra. 

“g’na give you my kids baby…” he’s rambling half out of his ass, his brain scrambled by pure need. “gonna make my girl a mommy. you’re gonna be a great mommy, aren't you?”

he’s brought up the topic before. it was never anything serious, just asking you what you would prefer and never really thinking of his own volition. you had always agreed with him wholeheartedly, and it would somehow lead to the two of you cooing over baby clothes and strollers but never anything more. 

nanami is fucking sick of it. he’s sick of fawning over the idea and not doing anything about it. sure, you’ve made love a couple of times, but it never held any true intent, focusing on the pure need to give each other pleasure. 

well, now, nanami needs more than pleasure. he needs to see you with that swollen tummy and those massive leaky tits, and there’s only one way to do that; fucking you within an inch of your life and cumming in your cunt until it finally takes. 

“kento–“ you seemingly haven’t gotten bored of it yet, despite having been at it for over two hours. your back still arches with every bump to your cervix, nails still raking down his back as his sweaty chest squashes your own. “this one’s gonna take, promise.”

“i can’t be sure of that,” he states matter-of-factly. “although your tracker says you’re ovulating, we can’t just trust that once or twice will be enough.” is he sure of this fact? no, but he is sure that you feel too damn good to stop, even though he’s already finished inside of you enough times to guarantee your pregnancy ten times over. 

you just look so beautiful beneath him. you wear the radiance of sex extremely well, eyes fogged over and mouth hanging open as your steamy pants echo in his ear. you’re borderline intoxicating, and that’s why nanami can’t stop, even though he knows you need him to before you pass out. 

“look at me, angel. i wanna see you.” you weakly turn your cheek away from the pillow and look up at him, lips stained a gorgeous red and swollen from his kisses. “you’re gonna be such a pretty momma.”

your eyelids flutter and your back arches weakly as you cum again for the final time, garbled moans of nanami’s name flooding from your throat. despite the longevity of your session, your cunt still manages to squeeze around him impossibly, and nanami groans deeply, arms sliding around your hips as you pulls you forward to meet his thrusts. 

“kentooo…”

“i know, baby, i know.” the sheets are soiled with your sweat and his, and the tight clampdown of your walls propels him to cum one final time, hips flush against your twitching clit as he pumps you full. 

you both stay like that for a beat, nanami folded over your twitching body before he finally pulls out slowly, and when he does, the sight he’s met with is so incredibly dirty that he can barely believe he was the one to reduce you to such a mess. “oh, angel…”

copious amounts of his release flood from your cunt, leaving a translucent pool on your sheets. whilst he absolutely loves the sight and wishes to brand it on the forefront of his brain, nanami’s goal is still clear as day. 

he leans down and kisses your overstimulated clit, fingers dancing around your twitchy hole and gathering up his release before pushing it back inside with a curl of his fingers that makes you want to scream. 

“can’t waste any, my dear, or it might not take, remember?” when he looks up at you from in between your trembling thighs, the look on his face is nothing short of depraved, blonde strands of hair sticking to his forehead and cheeks stained red with excitement. 

“can’t wait to see my girl become a mommy.”

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[nanaslutt]

gun play with doctor zayne <3

ʚ cont: fem reader, gun play, orgasm control, praise, zayne is head over heels for reader, dom!zayne

MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DNI

It's almost too much—the pleasure that takes hold of your body with each thrust of Zayne's mercyless hips. Your body spasms, trembling around him with intensity that steals your mind to another plane entirely, but still, he doesn't stop. Doesn't stop thrusting. Rubbing. In just the right spots.

The cold press of metal chills your overheated skin as the barrel of a gun presses to the lithe of your throat, sliding upwards to raise your chin. "Look at me." The voice belonging to the male bringing you world-ending pleasure is as cold as his fingers, shrouded in patches of ice from his evol spiraling out of control. It seems you aren't the only one losing yourself to the bliss of another's body.

You obey. Jaw slack, obscenities in forms of beginnings of words, and half-hearted pleas tear from your ruined throat. Your eyes lock with his, half out of focus and clouded with lust--mirrors to your own. The barrel glides over your chin before the tip of the pistol introduces chills to the warmth of your plush lips. You part your lips wider on instinct--long trained from the expectancy of his fingers while he takes you from behind in the shadows before the sun bleeds color into the morning sky.

"Suck." Zayne orders, the plap plap plap of his hips echoing around the walls of his bedroom, bouncing around in your ruined brain like the clashing of a commotion much louder. Thanks to your heightened and ruined senses.

You welcome the barrel past your lips and onto your awaiting tongue, where the taste of metal blossoms like the bitter tang of mortality. "Good girl." He praises, eyes studying the way you accept his touch in whatever form he decides to give it to you. Zayne glides the gun in and out of your mouth in shallow, careful strokes that oppose the harshness in how he treats you below the belt.

The contrast is enough to make you dizzy, to send your eyes rolling back in your head while moaning around the gun—too fucked out and riddled with pleasure to care about the danger of such an act, no matter the fact Zayne has already emptied the magazine. He didn't tell you he did, becasue he knows how the thrill makes your cunt spasm around him until your roaring while your find your pleasure, but you know all the same.

"That's enough." He orders in that breathy voice of his so full of dominance that you are helpless to submit to the order. His hips still, and a whine lodges in your throat as he slides the gun from your parted lips, the metal exiting warm instead of its usual, unsentient cold. You're seconds from questioning him, from begging him to keep going, to stroke that spot inside no one else can--

The warm barrel presses against your forehead, and you feel yourself squeeze around his penetrating need. Your eyes snap open, more alert now as the gun rattles against your temple. Zayne's eyes appear to lack emption to an outsider, to someone who isn't used to reading between the cracks and lines in those gorgeous, overwhelming eyes--but to you, you see the softness, the appreciation that you hand yourself over to him like this, body, mind, and soul, and trust him entierly.

"Zayne…" You gasp, hips rolling on their own accord to still him into moving.

His jaw works under heavy teeth, clenching together with the weight of them. The pressure of the gun digs into your flesh harder, but not enough to sting. Just enough to remind you who is in control. "You aren't afraid of me." He says, not asks. You nod. "You like this." He says, and it's then that you realize his words are to reassure himself.

Reaching out while holding his seemingly impassive gaze, you brush your fingers against his waist and hold him there. "I like it." You whisper, nodding as he leans down, the gun slipping to the side of your temple. "I love it."

Zayne's cock throbs inside you, kicking against tight walls. "Yes." He moans, eyes flitting between your eyes, holding as much desperation in the depths of them as his own. His lips skim your own. "You…"

You nod, reaching your other hand in a silent plea. Your hand wraps around his own, that holds the gun to your temple. Zayne merely watches you, arousal twitching being the only sign of his love for this as you slide your finger over his that hovers over the trigger.

His lips part, and his hips jerk. Breaths caught between lovers lips grow harsh and ragged, trapped in the space where nothing exists save for the two bodies that have become one. He's practically panting as you apply pressure. His eyes turn glazed as he reads the hunger in the lines of your face, in the expression morphing your features.

You pull the trigger, and the gun clicks.

And Zayne?

Zayne groans as his body stills, and he finds his pleasure inside you.

[wafflefries13]

Home is Where Our Heart Is (Yandere Twisted Wonderland X Reader)

Summary: There's a rumor going around that Crowley found a way to send you back to your original world, and, well, the boys aren't taking the news well.

AN: First time writing yandere stuff. I originally wanted to have this out near Halloween to keep with scary stuff, but as long as it gets done eventually, right?

Cros-posted on my AO3 TheGhostInTheKitchen

Warnings: Can be read as romantic or platonic, possessive and obsessive behavior, spying, conspiring to poison, fighting - physical and verbal, AFAB reader with she/her pronouns.

“There’s something important I want to tell you guys,” (Y/N) said. 

Ace and Deuce lifted their heads to look at her. The four of them, (Y/N), Grim, Ace, and Deuce, were all huddled together on the floor of the alchemy classroom, heads bent low as they worked on untangling long threads of manticore mane hair, the most recent punishment from Professor Crewel for some misdemeanor they probably deserved but still complained about. 

“What’s up?” Ace asked. He grinned wickedly. “Did you fall through another rotten part of the floor at Ramshackle and need saving again?” 

(Y/N) scowled as she swatted him with the back of her hand, without any real malice behind it. “No, and shut up. Maybe I won’t tell you.” 

“Ignore him,” Deuce said, picking at a particularly stubborn knot. “What’s up?” 

(Y/N) hesitated. “Actually, now might not be the best time.” 

“Is it that thing you were talking to Crowley about?” Grim asked, gnawing at the hair. “Pah! Gross.” 

“Keep that out of your mouth, you don’t know where it’s been. And yeah, that. Now that I’m thinking about it, though, it might just be easier to tell everyone all at once.” 

Ace and Deuce looked at each other. “Everything okay?” Deuce asked slowly. 

(Y/N) shook her head. “Oh, yeah, fine. Just kind of important, I think. And I’d rather do it all at once. Sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned anything. Actually, I think I’m going to have a big dinner this weekend, invite everyone over. Ease the blow, maybe.” She chuckled mirthlessly at a joke only she knew. 

Ace and Deuce looked at each other again, jaws tense and rising panic building behind their eyes. Their minds raced in tandem, putting together the puzzle pieces of the piecemeal information (Y/N) had told them. Something important involving Crowley, something she would want to keep on the down low until she was able to confront everyone at the same time. The Headmage himself didn’t really seem to carry especially important information. Considering all the work and responsibilities he dumped on (Y/N), they often wondered what exactly he even did at Night Raven College. But there was one thing he had supposedly been focused on since the beginning of the school year: finding a way to send (Y/N) back to her original world. But that couldn’t be it, right? There was no way the bird brain had actually mastered interdimensional magical travel, right? And, even if he had, there was no way (Y/N) was actually just going to up and leave, right? 

Right? 

The room was quiet for just a beat too long as the two Heartsabyul first years communicated silently. (Y/N) looked back up, her eyebrows scrunched together in worry. She opened her mouth to say something, but Ace cut her off with his signature troublemaker smirk and said, “Ooh, so mysterious. You sure you don’t need saving again? You have that bad habit of throwing yourself in danger every chance you get.” 

With that, the tension was broken. (Y/N) swatted at Ace again, laughing. They chatted aimlessly as they continued their tedious work. But, the moment (Y/N) lowered her head to pull tangled hair from Grim’s claws, Ace and Deuce looked at each other again, faces set and serious. An agreement passed between them. They were going to need help. 

~~~

“But did she say she was leaving?” Jack asked, voice tight but trying to remain calm. 

Ace, Deuce, Jack, Epel, Ortho, and Sebek were in the quad near the wishing well. Other students milled around, going to clubs or studying, their voices drifting meaninglessly around the small group. Epel was pacing, fists balled at his sides, gnawing at his lower lip. Ortho stared, unmoving in that way that reminded people that he was in fact made of metal and wires and not flesh and blood. Sebek was standing soldier straight with his chin up. His mouth was pulled down in a frown, but that was so often his standard expression that only someone who knew him well would be able to see the actual distress on his face. Jack’s foot tapped restlessly, hands clasped together so tight his knuckles were turning bloodless. 

“No,” Deuce said. “Not specifically. But what else would she be talking about, you know? We don’t keep secrets from each other.” 

“But we don’t know anything for certain,” Jack said. “Maybe we-” 

“This is bullshit!” Epel shouted. Several students walking by startled, hurrying away with their heads down. His accent came out strong. “She’s just gonna up and leave? After everything? Everything we’ve done and been through? Did none of it matter? Does she not even care about us?” 

Deuce winced. “I mean, I guess she misses home-” 

“We’re her home!” Ace hissed. “Epel’s right. She doesn't belong back there, whatever that place is.” Jack sighed, running a hand through his hair and tugging. “Well, what are we supposed to do? Keep her here?” 

“That’s not a bad idea,” Sebek said. The others turned to him. He was looking off in the distance, eyes unfocused. When he felt their gaze, he turned back to them, blinking twice and clearing his throat. “Ahem, I only mean that Lord Malleus has grown rather fond of (Y/N) these past few months, for whatever reason. As his retainer, I couldn’t bear his distress if such a close friend were to vanish with no way of contacting them.” 

“Lord Malleus,” Ace said. “Sure.” 

“I would anticipate that the Prefect's absence would cause a rise of at least 75% in stress levels at Night Raven College. Accompanying this would also be an increased chance of Overblot by a minimum of 35%.” Ortho put a hand to his temple as his eyes flashed with calculations. “40%. 43%. 50%. 60%.” 

“Right, right, we get it,” Epel said. 

“Alright, we just need to think this through for a second,” Deuce said, standing and holding up his hands. “We can just explain, right? (Y/N)’s a good person, she’ll hear us out. We’ll just explain why we’re worried and, and…” 

“And what?” Epel said. “You think we can somehow convince her to stay here?” 

“Prefect (Y/N) technically doesn't exist in this world,” Ortho said. “She has no records outside of Night Raven College, no citizenship or birth certificate. Outside of the Night Raven College campus, she’s not even a ghost.” 

“So,” Sebek said, eyes going glazed over again. “It would be simple for her to disappear from the rest of the world.” 

A heavy silence fell over them. Immediately, everyone’s mind went to the same place, formulating a plan with the same end goal. Their hearts began racing as they started conjuring up ideas and methods of execution, solutions for technical problems that might arise. (Y/N)’s  reaction to these plans didn’t particularly matter at the moment. After all, it would all be worth it in the end, right? 

“Okay, wait, hang on,” Jack said, trying to quiet his racing thoughts and the dark places they were going. “We - we need to think this through. It’s not like we can just kidnap her or anything.” “You’re right,” Deuce said. “We’ll need help. If we want to pull this off we need resources.” 

“We’ll need people to back us up,” Ace agreed. “Getting her somewhere in the first place is the easy part, but we wouldn’t want to scare her for too long, you know? If we can convince her we know best it’d be easier in the long run, right?” 

“Lord Malleus has access to many fine manors in the Briar Valley,” Sebek said. 

“All the way to the Briar Valley?” Epel said. “Isn’t that place still hostile against humans? We can go to Harveston, it’s in the middle of the mountains. My uncle has a hunting lodge out there, it’d be perfect.” 

“The Isle of Woe is also an isolated location,” Ortho said. “And it would be much easier to keep (Y/N) under surveillance.” 

“Wait!” The others went silent, watching Jack. 

“Jack,” Ace said. “We’re either all in this together or not at all. Come on, how many times have we needed to save (Y/N)? How many times has she had to save us?” He leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “Would you really be okay with never seeing her again?” 

Jack rubbed the back of his neck, eyes shut tight. They waited with bated breath for him to speak. Finally, he sighed. “Leona has resources. He has people, power, money. And I know he would want to know about this too. We’ll need other people to help with this. If she just suddenly vanished without warning I can think of several people who would look into it. And if they find out we planned something without them it would just make things more difficult.” 

The others smiled, relieved that one of the hardest people to convince was unequivocally on board. 

“Okay, so,” Ace said, clapping his hands. “We need a plan. Anyone have a good idea?” 

The others were quiet, the holes in their initial imagination growing bigger and bigger. 

“Well, no,” Deuce said. “But I know someone who might.” 

~~~

The atmosphere in Octavinelle always walked the tightrope between cool and calming and cutthroat and calculating, but maybe that had more to do with the first year's previous experience than the actual building. 

“Well, well, well,” Azul said smugly, leaning back in the plush chair in his office. “I didn’t expect to see you both back here so soon.” 

Ace and Deuce squirmed in their seats, trying, and failing, to look nonplussed by the looming Jade and Floyd. 

“Of course,” Azul continued. “I’m more than happy to assist any poor, unfortunate soul who should need my help. For the right price, of course. But, well, we’ve been through so much together, I’ll even give you a discount! What can the Monstro Lounge do for you today, boys?” 

Ace cleared his throat, warily eyeing Floyd’s wide grin. “Actually, there’s something we could do for you.” 

Azul raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Oh? Do tell.” 

“We think (Y/N) is going back to her world,” Deuce spit out, cracking under pressure. “We have a plan, well, kind of a plan, we’re coming up with ideas, but we know she’d be better here, happier here, we just need time to convince her, you know? So we, Ace and me and the other first years, we’re wanting to keep her here, maybe not at NRC but somewhere, until we can convince her, make her see reason. And we thought, we know you guys like her too so we thought you would want to help or-” 

“Shrimpy’s leaving?” Floyd said. His face was scrunched in confusion. Even Jade looked surprised, wide eyes and hand curled in front of his mouth. Azul had visibly paled, so much so that they worried he might faint. 

“I-” Azul’s voice cracked.

“That’s quite the rumor,” Jade said, covering for Azul. “I could see it being very damaging if it was spread around in malice.” 

“It’s not a rumor,” Ace said. “She basically told us yesterday.” 

“Shrimpy’s leaving?” Floyd repeated. His face flashed from confusion to hurt to anger. Without a word, he snapped up, stalking to the door. He threw it open so hard it cracked against the wall leaving an indent from the knob in the plaster. 

“Floyd!” Jade called after him. 

“No!” The other twin snapped. He barreled through the Mostro Lounge, patrons and waiters jumping out of his way with wide and appropriately afraid eyes. 

“Floyd, wait!”

“No!” 

The others caught up with Floyd halfway to the mirror portal to the main campus. Jade caught Floyd by the elbow, ducking in a practiced way when Floyd’s other elbow swung back. 

“No!” Floyd shouted again. “She’s not leaving! You’re lying!”

“See?” Ace said, waving his hand in Floyd’s direction. “You don’t want her to leave either! But no one’s going to like it if you just go up there and start freaking her out!” 

“We’re telling everyone,” Deuce continued. “Well, not everyone, but the people important, you know? We’re planning a meeting to figure this out. We can’t let (Y/N) leave. We can’t.” 

Floyd had calmed down enough that there wasn’t an immediate danger of a fight, but he was still seething. Jade still kept a tight grip on his brother’s arm, but it was more to anchor himself than keep Floyd from sprinting away again. 

“A plan,” Azul said. “You need a plan. Or, perhaps, a certain magical way to prevent (Y/N) from doing something… inadvisable.” 

“Yes, exactly,” Deuce said.

“We know it might be hard to get (Y/N) to sign one of your contracts given what’s happened before,” Ace said, giving Azul the side eye. 

“But we need every resource we can pull together,” Deuce finished. “We’re setting up a meeting tomorrow. We can count on you guys being there, right?” 

The three merpeople looked at each other. Unspoken conversation passed between them, the benefit of having known each other for the majority of their lives. 

“I’ll start drafting a contract immediately,” Azul said, golden light flourishing around his hand as he kicked up his signature spell. 

“I do believe there are certain species of mushroom in the nearby forest that could induce temporary paralysis,” Jade said, smiling slyly. “It might be worth it to have the Mountain Lovers Club take an unplanned execution.” 

“Hey, if nothing else,” Floyd said. “I’d love to give Shrimpy a big squeeze.” 

~~~

A pair of Pomefiore students were walking down the hall of their dorm, mindlessly chatting. They both froze as they heard a scream, followed by a loud crash. They crept to one of the sitting rooms, nudging the door open just enough to peek inside. 

Vil, their fearless, elegant, always poised house warden screamed again. He picked up a vase, at least one hundred years old and filled with beautiful hard to cultivate lilies, and threw it against the wall, shattering into a thousand pieces. Reclining in one of the plush purple velvet chairs was the vice house warden Rook. His posture didn’t betray any concern or stress at Vil’s outburst, but the smile stretched across his face caused shivers to run down the spines of the two observers. Rook was tightly holding an arrow, his quiver at his side, tapping the sharper than usual point. Epel stood off to one side. He was hunched over, something that usually would have earned a scolding from Vil. He was carving an apple with single-minded determination, stabbing the soft flesh and discarding pieces with a flick of the wrist. Somehow, the stillness from the rambunctious farm boy who would jump at any chance to throw down was even more intimidating than if he was coming at them fists swinging. 

The two students looked at each other before quietly closing the door behind them and rushing from the scene. Knowing the penchant for chaos NRC students had, whatever was going on was way beyond their pay grade. 

Vil roared again, unending a long coffee table. It flipped twice before landing upside down, the papers and decorations on top fluttering in disarray. Vil took heaving breaths, facing a vanity on one side of the room, tightly gripping its sides as his nails carved tiny divots into the soft wood. He took one last deep breath, straightening and smoothing out his hair. He turned around, only a slight red flush any indication he was in distress. 

“Alright,” He said. “Rook, my book.” 

Rook jumped up, retrieving an intricately decorated purple and gold tome from where it had fallen. He handed it to Vil like a supplicant offering a sacrifice to a vengeful god, head slightly bowed and hands outstretched. 

“What are you looking for?” Epel asked. 

“I’ll know when I see it,” Vil said, not looking up. He flipped through the vellum pages. “A sleeping potion would be a temporary solution, at least as an easy way to secure her to another place. An Iron Stake spell is a possibility, but that would only secure her to one specific place and cause illness if she left the designated area, so that would be too restrictive. A potion to induce Hanahaki. If we can convince her she has a magical based illness, then she would need to stay somewhere she could receive magical treatment.”  

“We were wanting to gather everyone in one place,” Epel said. “To come up with ideas.” 

Vil scoffed. “As if half of those fools can even look farther than their own nose. I don’t trust anyone else to treat this issue with the delicate hand it needs.” 

“Perhaps,” Rook said smoothly. “But we must consider that our dear Trickster has made a place in the hearts of many others. And while your methods would obviously be far superior and much more beautiful, we can’t discount the interference of well meaning interlopers.” Rook gave Epel a wink as he skillfully directed Vil into cooperation. 

“Hmm,” Vil hummed, snapping the book shut. “Unfortunately, you have a point. Very well. Epel, we will attend this conclave. If nothing else than to emphasize that we know what’s best for (Y/N), despite what those uncultured miscreants might think.” 

Epel set his apple down, stabbing his knife upright. He grinned wickedly. “Absolutely, House Warden.” 

~~~

Jamil was cooking. Which, in itself, wasn’t that unusual. Jamil cooked all the time. Special meals for Kalim to ensure nothing was tampered with, feasts for the almost weekly Scarabia parties, just to have something other than the repetitive cafeteria fair. But whatever Jamil was doing now caused the gathered Scarabia students to stay out of the kitchen, watching in concern from their hiding places around the door. 

Jamil was staring straight ahead, not paying attention to the incredibly sharp knife in his hand. He methodically chopped fruits and vegetables, not paying any attention that they were already in minuscule cubes, juices dripping down the counter to pool at his feet. A pot on the stove was close to boiling over. Even the fridge had been left open, cold air escaping into the warm room. 

“Hey, what’s up?” Kalim asked, seeing his dorm mates crowded around the kitchen entrance. He sniffed the air and smiled. “Ooh, Jamil is cooking something good! Are you all waiting for it to be ready?” 

“Uh, House Warden?” One of the students said tentatively. “I think you should check on Vice House Warden Jamil. He seems…” 

“Stressed?” Someone offered. 

“Distracted,” Another said. 

“About to Overblot again,” A third muttered under their breath. The boys around him shushed him. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll see what’s up!” Kalim said cheerfully. He waved them away, coming into the kitchen with the same happy-go-lucky free spirit he did everything with, not noticing the warry looks the departing students gave him. “Jamil!” He greeted, slapping Jamil’s shoulder. “What’s up?” 

Jamil barely flinched, still looking at something in the far distance only he could see. “(Y/N) is leaving.” 

“Hmm? Do we have a vacation coming up?” 

“No, she’s leaving.” 

Kalim’s smile started to falter. “Is she transferring or something? Like to Nobel Bell College?” 

“No.” Jamil slammed the knife down, lodging in the cutting board. “She’s leaving. Leaving Night Raven College, leaving Sage’s Island, leaving Twisted Wonderland, leaving m-” He cut himself off. With a sharp pull, he yanked the knife out of the board, sliding over a sweet potato to dice. “She’s going back to her world. Crowley must have found a way. Ace and Floyd told me at basketball practice today. They’re organizing some sort of meeting with the others to talk about it. Whatever good that will do.” 

“Oh.” Kalim blinked, thinking. “That… would be bad.” 

Jamil laughed dourly. “That’s an understatement.” 

Kamil smiled again. “Well, that’s fine. You can fix that easy, right?” Jamil stopped, turning to Kalim with a quizzical look. Kalim tapped his temple next to his eye. “You know, with your unique magic! You can just tell her not to leave, like you did with me.” He didn’t say it with any malice, not blaming Jamil for their past misadventure. 

“I…” 

“Oh, come on,” Kalim said, jumping up and coming over to Jamil, leaning against the counter and plucking at the desiccated food. “Don’t tell me you didn’t think of it. I know Snake Whisper doesn't last for too long, but if we bring her to one of the Asim chateaus, you know, maybe in the middle of the Scalding Sands desert, you can just recast it whenever, right? Oh, unless that wears you out too much. I bet we can find another way to keep her around while you recover though!” Kalim popped a date in his mouth nonchalantly, as if he hadn’t just suggested kidnapping and hypnotizing their friend for an undetermined period of time. 

“You…” Jamil started, trailing off. He laughed, shaking his head. He turned down the stove on the boiling pot, scrapping the chopped vegetables into a bowl, and kicked the fridge door closed. “Well, if I have your permission, then who am I to argue?” 

Kalim just smiled, eating another date. 

~~~ 

Idia was typing so fast his hands were practically a blur. On his multi-monitor computer setup, footage from the multiple hidden cameras around campus zoomed by as he searched for specific information. He gnawed on his thumb nail. 

“And you’re sure she said that?” He asked Ortho, resting in his charging station. “The Bird Brain found a way for her to go back-” He almost said ‘home,’ but that word didn’t feel right when talking about you. This was your home now, right? It was. It had to be. “Back to her original world?” 

“Prefect (Y/N) was speaking to Ace Trapolla and Deuce Spade, so I didn’t hear her exact wording or was able to monitor her vitals for evidence of deception,” Ortho said. “But she had invited us and the others involved in the various Overblot incidents to dinner this Saturday, which aligns with the announcement they said she wanted to make.” 

Idia kept clicking, following (Y/N)’s movements the day before she dropped a bombshell on Ace and Deuce. The world sped by at 10x speed on the screen. Idia’s hair sparked with red and orange as his concern, rage, and betrayal simmered underneath the surface. 

He slowed the replay speed down as (Y/N) approached the Headmage’s office, meeting Crowley outside the door. There wasn’t any audio, Idia cursed himself for not installing that feature ahead of time. (Y/N) indicated the office and Crowley held the doors open for her with a flourish. He cursed again that he hadn’t managed to sneak any cameras in the office. 

Idia sped up the footage again, scrambling when (Y/N) and Crowley left the office only a few minutes later. He would have thought a conversation about her possible return would have taken a lot longer. Crowley dramatically mimed wiping a tear from his masked eye, shaking her hand with both of his. As they were speaking, Professor Trein and Professor Crewel both walked up. Crowley waved them over, animatedly speaking to them, waving at (Y/N). Crewel patted her head while Trein gave her a warm smile and nod. Idia could just read Crewel’s lips as he said, “Good luck, pup.” 

‘Good luck’? Why would she need good luck? She had all the luck she needed if she stayed here. How else would you explain all of the incidents that had happened all year while still escaping unscathed? You would only lose that luck if you went somewhere else, somewhere far, too far, away. 

Idia bashed his hands against his keyboard, his fire-like hair engulfed in red, hitting the keys to pause the video. The video had stopped on a shot of her face, smiling, eyes crinkled at the corners, hand up in a silent goodbye. 

No, not goodbye. Not if he could help it. 

“Ortho,” Idia said. “Send a message to Mom and Dad. We’ll need a guest room set up.” 

~~~

“And you told Azul before me?!” Riddle raged. 

Ace and Deuce cringed back, subconsciously guarding their throats in case Riddle unleashed his unique magic. 

The two first years had corralled Riddle, Trey, and Cater in one of the tea rooms at the Heatslabyul dorm. While Riddle had already started the impromptu meeting annoyed, there were rules for setting an assembly, priorities quickly shifted. 

“Riddle,” Trey said, trying to keep his voice even and calm. “Would you want (Y/N) to see you like this?” 

Riddle flinched back at Trey’s statement. He forced his shoulders to relax, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “One, two, three,” He began counting. “What’s he doing?” Deuce whispered. 

“Counting,” Riddle said, voice still steely. “To try and calm my nerves so I don’t do something you’ll regret!” 

“Don’t you mean ‘something I’ll regret’?” Ace asked. Deuce glared at him. 

Riddle smiled coldly. “Yes, you will regret it.” 

“Cater?” Deuce asked. The ginger-haired boy was humming tunelessly, tapping on his phone what a vacant look on his face. “Are you okay?” 

“Of course,” Cater said. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“Because (Y/N) might be leaving and we’ll never see or hear from her ever again?” 

Cater only stared at him, blinking, eyes lost in a thousand yard stare. He suddenly perked up. “Oh! That reminds me. (Y/N) and I were going to go to the Glass Slipper Gala this summer! It’s pretty much impossible to get tickets to the actual event, obvi, but there are all these side parties where people dress up for the theme that year. Totally Magicamable and sups adorbs.” He lifted his phone and took a selfie, retreating back into his own world as he kept tapping on the screen. 

“I… think he might be in denial,” Trey sighed. “It is a big change, I suppose.” 

“That’s what I’m saying,” Ace said, spreading his hands. “It doesn't have to be! When we meet up with everyone tomorrow night-” 

“Everyone?” Trey asked. “The more people involved in this, the more likely it is to get out of control. Especially with the, uh, strong personalities we have here.” 

“So,” Ace said. “That’s why we’re telling you guys now. We’re obviously the best people to handle this. Sure, we let the other dorms think they’re in control, but that’s only the first part of the plan. You got to appeal to their egos, you know? And after that…” 

“We swoop in with Heatslabuyl style and save the day!” Deuce finished. 

“We all know she likes us best, anyway,” Ace said, leaning back with a confident grin. “And if we ‘save’ her from whatever those guys have planned, say we need to lay low for a while…” 

“Then she not only depends on us,” Trey said, picking up the thread. “But she’ll also feel indebted to us.” 

“And if anyone else tries to swoop in and make a nuisance of themselves,” Riddle continued. “She’ll be hesitant to trust anyone from the outside.” 

“What’s that saying?” Deuce asked. “A gilded cage is still gilded?” 

“Not exactly,” Trey said. “But, I’ll admit, it has the making of a good plan.” 

Riddle humphed, hands on his hips. “Well, then, we don’t have very long. We need a strategy going into this meeting. Here,” He arranged parts of the tea set around the table, assigning each of them to one of their cabal. “We can use this to start visualizing a scenario.” 

“Maybe we can wear matching outfits,” Cater said dreamily, still off in his own world. 

~~~

Leona leaned back against the tree, crossing his arms behind his head, eyes closed. “So?” He said. His tail twitched restlessly beside him, the only sign of agitation. 

Jack frowned. “So? So (Y/N) might be leaving and never coming back. We have to do something about this.” 

“So, if she wants to go and throw away everything she has here, everyone who cares about her, everything she’s built, fine, go ahead. No skin off my nose.” 

Ruggie’s ears were flat back against his head. “You’re such a liar.” 

Leona cracked one eye open, glaring. “What was that?” 

Ruggie jumped to his feet, gnashing his teeth. “Don’t just sit there and pretend you don’t care! Don’t act like this isn’t your fault! You act so laissez-faire all the time, like you don’t care about anyone or anything. You just push people away, you’ve pushed her away! And now we’re all paying for your inferiority complex!” 

Leona lunged at Ruggie so fast Jack’s eyes couldn’t even track it. One second they were a yard apart, Leona pouting with not a care in the world, Ruggie standing, fists clenched tightly at his side. The next they were tumbling over each other, Ruggie snapping his teeth at Leona’s obviously superior strength as the House Warden held him down. Jack watched in shock, torn between wanting to pull them apart and respect for his seniors. 

Leona pushed Ruggie face first into the dirt. Ruggie still snarled, letting out short breathed barks like an angry cackle. Leona hefted him up by the back of his shirt, biting down hard on the scruff of Ruggie’s neck. Ruggie immediately went limp, like a rag doll in the hands of a petulant child. Leona dropped him, standing over his still body and huffing hard. 

“You,” He hissed. “Don’t get to challenge me. You don’t get to tell me how I’m meant to react. You have no idea how I feel, about her or anything else.” 

Ruggie looked over his shoulder, glaring daggers, but said nothing. 

“I-” Jack started. His voice caught in his throat in a lump at the withering look Leona gave him. “I told the others you would be able to help. No one is doubting you’re a good leader,” His eyes cut to Ruggie on the floor, who scowled but said nothing. “We all know it. We also all know you care a lot more than you pretend to.  You’re clever, an amazing strategist, and you have abilities and resources none of us could dream of. Be honest with yourself. After everything that’s happened, after your Overblot, would you really be fine with (Y/N) disappearing?” 

“And do you really want Malleus scooping her up? You know he will.” Ruggie mumbled. 

Leona stalked around the glade, ears back and tail thrashing. He ground his teeth, fangs cutting into his lower lip. He roared, hand striking out, claws raking across a tree to leave deep gashes. He huffed, straightening and turning around. With little effort, he picked Ruggie up by the back of his vest and set him on his feet. 

He looked at the two of them, face set in determination. “Alright. (Y/N)’s not going anywhere.” 

~~~

The sky around the Diasomnia dorm cracked with green lightning. Students ran for cover, dodging torrents of hail, sleet, and needle-like rain. Dark clouds swirled around the spiky towers of the dorm, threatening to turn into tornados. 

Silver, Sebek, and Lilia trailed behind Malleus, futilely trying to catch up with his long strides. Lilia hopped up and quickly flew in front of the dragon prince.

“Now, just a moment, Malleus,” Lilia pleaded, hands up. 

Malleus evaporated in a cascade of green sparks, reappearing several feet behind Lilia, continuing his determined march without a pause in his step. Lilia sighed and rolled his eyes, catching back up with the two knights in training. 

“We don’t know for sure if she’s leaving,” Silver said, trying to act as a voice of reason. 

“What other conclusions would you draw from that?” Sebek snapped. “His majesty deserves to have every piece of available information to make the best decision for all involved.” 

“Which is why we need to slow down and think things through.” 

“Are you doubting Lord Malleus’s desition making skills in the time of crisis?” 

“She shall be kept in the highest room in the tallest tower deep in the heart of Briar Valley,” Malleus said, almost to himself.  “I’ll lock her in shackles of gold, give her a collar of diamonds and pearls, line her cage with velvet. No one shall take my child of man from my side, be it herself or any one else.” 

They looked at each other, quickening their step. 

Just as Malleus was reaching for the front door, ready to burst through to the mirror room, Lilia jumped in front of him, arms splayed wide. “Hold it!” He shouted. “Hold everything!” Malleus frowned, crossing his arms and glaring. Lilia put a hand to his chest, trying to catch his breath. “Honestly, I can’t keep up with you young ones anymore.” 

“I suggest you think carefully about what you say next, old man,” Malleus said coldly. 

“And I suggest you think carefully about the consequences of your actions, not to mention those around you. Really, do you think any of us want to see (Y/N) leave? Of course not. That’s why Sebek came to tell you in the first place. He trusts you enough to know you would be able to deftly handle the situation. And if you would stop to think for a moment, you would realize marching up to Ramshackle, spells blazing, would only create a rift between you and our dear Prefect, yes?” Malleus pressed his lips together, obviously still annoyed at the interruption, but understanding Lilia’s perspective. “As the future ruler of the Briar Valley, you need to learn how to handle matters with finesse as well as brutality. You don’t want to show (Y/N) a darker side of yourself, right? She already thinks the world of you, we all know that, don’t we, boys?” Lilia motioned Silver and Sebek, who nodded. “Simply telling her what you want and expecting no resistance might, well, damage her option of you, however misguided she might be.” 

“She is misguided,” Malleus said. “And a wayward subject needs a firm hand to direct them.” 

“But (Y/N) isn’t a subject,” Silver interjected. He had to stop himself from physically taking a step back at the sudden heat of Malleus’s gaze. “At least, not yet. It’s like… Frogs. Remember, Father?” 

“Frogs? Oh, yes! How clever, Silver!” Lilia said, clapping his hands. “If you put a frog in a pot of water and slowly turn up the heat underneath it, the frog won’t realize the water is boiling until it’s too late.” 

“So, acclimation?” Malleus said. 

“Exactly!” Sebek said. “That was our original plan! We keep her here just long enough to convince her this is the best place to be. And, of course, who wouldn’t want to stay in your glorious presents, Lord Malleus?”  

Lightning continued to crackle across the sky, but the deluge had reduced to a mild thunderstorm. 

“I will not lose her.” 

“Of course not! None of us want to, we would never dream of it!” Lilia said. 

Malleus closed his eyes in thought for a moment before turning to Silver and Sebek. He called their names and they stood at attention. “I have a list of ingredients I need before this… meeting. I trust you will be able to procure them for me quickly.” He manifested paper and a quill pen from the air, the list writing itself midair before tearing in half and splitting between the two knights. They left with a salute. 

As they went to search, Lilia hummed, floating next to Malleus. “That is quite the potion you want to brew.” 

“Reassurance and reinforcement,” Malleus said. “In case someone wants to try and make things difficult for us. After all, dragons are naturally jealous creatures.” 

~~~

They congregated in the House Warden’s meeting room under cover of night. It was all cloak and dagger, literally in some cases. Tensions were high, the atmosphere in the room could have been cut with a knife. The House Warden’s took their seats around the round table, the others standing dutifully behind them. 

Everyone looked at each other with suspicion. Why should they have any say with what happened to (Y/N)? They weren’t as close to her, didn’t deserve her as much as the other party. They would only hurt her in the end. ‘No, our plan is the best,’ Each group thought. Although they had originally arranged to create one master plan with every dorm involved, the meeting quickly descended into shouting voices, a cacophony of accusations, declarations, and split tensions. 

The din only subsided briefly when the door to the meeting room was opened. Sebek and Silver both held one door open for Malleus to stride through, looking for all the world like the crown prince he was. Lilia floated behind him, giving a small wave as they entered. 

“Oh, dear,” Lilia said. “I hope we’re not too late.” 

“Not at all,” Riddle said through clenched teeth. “We were just discussing what we should do at the dinner tomorrow when (Y/M) makes her announcement.” 

“There is no discussion,” Azul said. “We need to make a move before that! I’ve drafted a contract that would-” 

“Again with your contracts,” Jamil interrupted. “And how exactly are you planning on getting her to sign it? She’s not as easy to trick as some more gullible people.” 

“Hey!” Ace shouted. “Don’t act so high and mighty! Everyone on campus knows that we’re her best friends!” “That’s right!” Deuce said. “We only brought you all in as a courtesy. We should be the ones who decide what happens next!” 

Arguments broke out again, everyone talking over each other, spells aching to be slung. 

Malleus took his seat and watched the growing chaos. He swept his eyes over the tables, taking in the faces of all involved. For a moment, he was touched. You had truly ingrained yourself in the lives of everyone present in such a short amount of time. They were all willing to do so much for you, risk everything, all for your benefit. And you didn’t even realize it. 

But, of course, his love was the purest of them all.  

Cooly, Malleus plucked a vial from his front pocket, setting it on the table without a word. He leaned back in his chair, waiting for their reactions. As the participants took note of the new object, talk dwindled to silence. The air went still as every eye focused on the small bottle Malleus set on the table. It was no bigger than three inches tall, frosted glass, with a ball shaped stopper. A light pink liquid sloshing around inside, seeming to swirl completely independent of any outside influence. It glowed slightly, casting their astonished faces in a sickly sweet light. 

“A love potion?” Vil said breathlessly. 

“That is… highly illegal,” Riddle said. 

“I’m sorry,” Malleus said. “I thought we were looking for solutions.” 

“And besides,” Lilia added cooly. “Isn’t everything we’re discussing now highly illegal?” 

“Can you even call it illegal for a person who doesn't legally exist?” Jade thought out loud. 

“Hang on,” Leona said, standing. “A love potion would only work on the first person she sees after she drinks it. What are you trying to plan here, lizard?” 

Malleus looked down at Leona. “It would be best if she were to be with the one who is able to take the best care of her. Unless you’re suggesting you could do better?” 

“I think,” Vil interjected before Leona had a chance to start another fight. “What Leona is saying is that we all care deeply about (Y/N). That’s why we’re all here, isn’t it? And if she were to be, let’s say, connected to only one person, it might defeat the whole purpose of us coming together to find a solution to our mutual problem.” 

“If it’s the first person she sees,” Kalim said. “Well, we’ll all be together for dinner anyway, right? Is there a way we can have her see us all at the same time?” 

“If Prefect (Y/N) is standing at the head of the table,” Ortho said, holding his hands out to visualize the situation. “Then it is possible to have multiple people in her field of vision at the same time.” 

“Hang on,” Trey said. “I know we’re talking about essentially  kidnapping here, but isn’t a love potion a little extreme?” 

“Maybe we could consider that a last resort?” Idia said. “Especially since we’re already planning on trying to convince her to stay in other ways.” 

Malleus plucked up the vial and tucked it back into his pocket. “If that is the general consensus, I’ll agree for now.” 

“For now,” Leona echoes with a glare. Malleus smiled pleasantly at him. 

The introduction of the ultimate ultimatum seemed to cool tensions in the group. Eventually, a tentative agreement was reached. Of course, whether or not everyone would actually follow that agreement day of was up for debate. The factions retreated to their dorms, waiting for the next day with both trepidation and anxiety-riddled anticipation. 

~~~ 

(Y/N) felt like something was off. On the surface, everything was normal. Well, as normal as it could be for this particular group of magic students. Everyone seemed to be chatting pleasantly enough, sitting around a long table (Y/N) and Grim had pulled into the Ramshackle guestroom. But, the more she paid attention, the more stiff everyone came across. She felt like everyone was watching her, that there would be a group pause whenever she spoke. It made goosebumps spring up on her arms. 

She supposed it might have been a general reaction to her sudden invitation and the announcement she had said she wanted to make. She thought she should have found out a better way to tell everyone at once, maybe something that would have caused less stress. She had hoped that having good food and good company would make this less stressful, for her and them. But, possibly aside from Ruggie and Grim both scarfing down whatever they would get their hands on, almost everyone else seemed to be picking at their food. 

‘Well,’ She thought. ‘No time like the present.’ She stood, shivering a little when everyone’s head snapped in her direction. Even if she already had their attention, she still cleared her throat to prepare for her announcement. “Hello! First, I want to thank you all for coming! I know everyone values their day off, so I appreciate you all taking the time to come see me.I also wanted to say how much you all mean to me. I came here with nothing, no idea how I got here, no magic, obviously. And I’ll admit there have been some really intense and scary moments, but I’ve been able to get through everything thanks to all of you. And I wouldn’t want to be stuck here with anybody else. I’m so happy I got to meet you all.” At this, her voice cracked a little, eyes going misty. Grim jumped into her arms and she pulled him close in a tight hug. “Right, anyway, sorry, I’m getting sentimental. So, as I’m sure you all know, Crowley has been looking for a way for me to go back to my world since I came here. And the other day, well, I told him to stop. I’ve decided I’m going to stay here, in Twisted Wonderland. I know it will be hard, and to be honest, I’m not really sure how a lot of it will work out. But there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” 

All was silent, a spring coiled ready to snap. Then, Cater burst into tears. 

“Cater?” (Y/N) asked, worried. She rushed over to him and he slung his arms around her, pulling her in for a hug. 

“I-I thought-thought that you-” Cater tried to say through sobs. “I’m so happy!” 

And with that, the room relaxed. A collective breath was released as everyone finally seemed to come back to themselves. 

With the tension finally broken, (Y/N) felt her shoulders relax. She wasn’t totally sure what reaction she was going to get, it definitely wasn’t what she was expecting from Cater. For the past few days she felt a heavy miasma building over her, a sense of dread that kept building but she couldn’t find a source for. As she watched her friends chat, passing plates between each other, clinking glasses, she smiled. She should have known there wasn’t anything to worry about. After all, she had everyone here with her. She knew she could always trust them to have her back. 

After the party meandered to a close, (Y/N) made the rounds of saying goodnight to everyone as they got ready to leave. Although, as they might say in her world, it definitely felt like a ‘Minnesota long goodbye.’ Everyone was lingering, coming up with just one more thing to talk about, putting on coats only to take them off again, wondering out loud if she was really sure she didn’t need help cleaning up, and it was already dark out, would it maybe be easier if they just stayed the night? People seemed to linger tonight, an extra touch on her shoulder, a hug just a second longer than usual, a turn on phrase that hid something (Y/N) couldn’t see. But, considering the tense atmosphere at the beginning of their dinner, she tallied it up to whatever strange mood had taken her friends. 

(Y/N) puffed out a breath as Ace unexpectedly crashed into her back, throwing his arms around her to pull into a backward hug. “Geeze, (Y/N)” He whined without any real heat. “You sure know how to make something dramatic, huh? Got us worried something bad was happening for a while.” 

“Don’t be mean,” Deuce said. He smiled. “Seriously, we’re really glad you’re deciding to stay, though. You’ll let me know if you need any help, yeah?” 

“You’ll let us know,” Ace clarified. (Y/N) missed the glare that passed between them. “Speaking of, next time you - Ack!” Ace was cut off with a heart-shaped collar suddenly appearing around his neck, Deuce sporting a matching one, his eyes downcast and lip wobbling. 

“You’ll have to excuse us, (Y/N),” Riddle said, tugging at Ace’s collar. “These two are late for a lecture on causing unnecessary panic.” With Trey comforting a still misty-eyed Cater and Riddle dragging away the other two first years who waved goodbye with resigned compliance, they departed into the night. 

“Thanks for having us,” Jack said. Ruggie’s arms were piled high with plenty of Tupperware loaded with leftovers. Leona stood behind, trying to look disinterested, but keeping a sharp eye on anyone who tried to get too close to their conversation. 

“Of course! I’m glad you guys could come. I was just thinking - Oh, Ruggie!” (Y/N) gasped, reaching out for the red circular mark on the back of Ruggie’s neck. “Are you okay?” 

Ruggie’s hand shot up, covering what suspiciously looked like a bite mark. From over her shoulder, Leona shot him a glare that could turn a man to stone. 

“Oh, yeah, fine!” Ruggie said quickly. “Yeah, just-”

“Just doing something stupid,” Leona cut in. “That won’t be a problem in the future, right?” 

Ruggie’s ears went flat as he narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, you got it, House Warden.” 

(Y/N) opened her mouth to ask if everything was alright between them when Jack cut her off. “We’ll see you tomorrow, (Y/N). If you have any trouble now that you’ve decided to stay, you can always come to Savannahclaw first.” 

(Y/N) blinked at the sudden stoniness of Jack’s voice. “I’ll… Keep that in mind. Thanks, Jack.” 

As she waved them off she felt a familiar prickle at the back of her neck. With half a second to spare, she quickly sidestepped, dodging Floyd’s incoming hug. He stumbled a little bit, turning to glare, but the effect was ruined by the wide cheerful smile on his face. 

“Shrimpy~” He said in a singsong voice. “You’re not trying to escape me again, are you?” 

“Again?” She said. “What-” 

“What my brother means to say,” Jade said. “Is that we’re very happy we’ll continue to be blessed with your presents.” 

“Sure,” (Y/N) said. “I’m happy, too.” 

“And of course,” Azul continued smoothly. “If you happen to have any difficulties settling in, we would be more than happy to assist you. Why, I’d even be so inclined to offer our services at a discount! For old times sake.” 

“Or,” Jade said, slinging his arm around her shoulder. “You could just move to the bottom of the sea with us.” 

“You would get used to the cold,” Floyd said, wrapping his arm around her other shoulder. “We could just squeeze you real tight to keep you warm.” 

“Thanks for the offer, guys,” She said, shrugging out of their constricting embrace. 

“If you want to stay somewhere warm,” Kalim interrupted, grasping her arm and pulling her into him. “Why won’t you come to Silk City? I bet my family would love to meet you! Right, Jamil?” 

Jamil had an unfocused, faraway look in his eye, only snapping back when Kalim said his name. He moved to put himself between them and the Octavinelle trio. “Right,” He said. He tilted his head down, hair falling in a curtain to separate them from the rest of the room, Kalim’s hug tightened as his smile sharpened. Jamil met (Y/N)’s eyes. “(Y/N), look at me for a second. I-”

“(Y/N)!” She was yanked out of Kalim’s tightening constrictor hug into an equally smothering embrace, heady with the scent of lilac and apples. “There you are! I’m so happy to see you!” Epel continued. He was using that formal voice, pitched higher to emphasize his naturally cute appearance that Vil had been training him in. 

“Oui, mon trickster! We couldn’t bear to leave without complimenting what a wonderful party you put together!” Rook continued, snatching her out of Epel’s arms into his own.  (Y/N) was starting to get dizzy from being thrown in between people so much. As Rook took her full attention, Epel sneered at the Scarabia duo, sticking out his tongue before melting back into the perfect picture of polite sweetness. 

Vil interrupted (Y/N) getting smothered with a gentle but definitive touch on her shoulder. “I can’t tell you how pleased your decision makes me, (Y/N),” He said. (Y/N) sometimes forgot that outside of NRC, Vil was ranked as one of the most beautiful people in the world, a five-star actor and model. At this moment, with him looking down at her with every ounce of that carefully cultivated deminor, it took her breath away. She would have done almost anything he asked of her at that moment. Which was exactly what he was banking on. 

“I’d love for you to consider spending the summer in the Shaftlands with me. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be all alone here on campus, and I could use an assistant during filming.” 

“Or,” Epel said sharply. “You can come with me to Harveston! We could always use a couple extra hands in the orchards. And you know my grandma would love to see you again. You liked it there the last time, right? She’d be so disappointed if she didn’t get to see you.” 

“The Hunt family always love visitors!” Rook added. 

“Thanks, guys,” (Y/N) said, twisting out of their grasp. They snatched at the air where she was, fixing their faces back to pleasant smiles when she turned to face them. “I appreciate it. I’m not really sure what it’s going to be like when the school year is over, but I’ll let you know!” 

“If you’re talking about traveling,” Ortho said, taking her hand and pulling her over to Idia who was stabbing at his tablet, eyes darting as she came over. “You can come with us! The Isle of Woe is unlike anywhere in the world! And we’ve got a ton of cool tech that Idia’s been working on, right, Idia?” 

Idia stuttered to life, pressing the tablet to his chest to hide the screen (Were those images of the rooms around Ramshackle?). “What? Oh, yeah, sure! It’ll be better than the last time, probably. I could probably convince Mom and Dad to get you an internship.” 

“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think I’m half as smart enough to know anything about all that stuff you guys work with. It’s all sci-fi as far as I can tell. But I wouldn’t mind visiting, if that’s okay! I’d love to be able to explore everything when we’re not worrying about Overblot Phantoms. Uh, sorry.” 

“You shouldn’t have to apologize for something that’s true,” Sebek said, stepping up, shoulders back, hands clasped tightly behind him. He and Idia exchanged knife-sharp looks, Idia’s hair sparking red at the edges. Ortho quickly swooped in, giving their goodbyes and pushing Idia away. 

Sebek’s eyes trailed them with military precision as Lilia swept in to distract (Y/N). “Oh, I can’t tell you how happy you’ve made me!” Lilia said, exaggeratedly sniffing and whipping an invisible tear from his eye. 

“We know it might be hard to adjust,” Silver said. “But we want you to know that we all care about you and we’re more than willing to help.” 

“And we do mean anything,” Lilia said. “You should definitely come to us first, okay? No need to waste time on anyone else.” 

“‘Waste time’?” (Y/N) asked. 

“What Father means is,” Silver interjected. “We want you to know you can rely on us. With making sure a big change, there’s bound to be some uneven footing. You’ve proved you’re more than capable over and over again, but still…” His hand drifted out, trailing along her sleeve, before catching himself and snatching it back, gripping the hilt of his magical baton tightly. 

“We should go,” Sebek said. He looked sternly at (Y/N). “Don’t do anything stupid, human.” 

“I try every day.” 

~~~

The night air was warm as (Y/N) stood on the front steps of the old house, waving goodbye as her guests departed for the night. As much as she loved to see them, she admitted to herself that it was kind of nice to finally have Ramshackle to herself for the night. Well, herself plus Grim and the ghosts, but whatever. Malleus stepped out next to her. He nodded at his dorm mates, giving them a look that (Y/N) missed. 

(Y/N) stepped back inside, starting to pick up plates and leftovers. Malleus stood in the doorway, horns brushing the top of the doorframe, unmoving except for his eyes which tracked her. 

“I’m glad you came,” She said, stacking plates. “I mean, I knew you would, but I’m still happy.” 

“Of course,” Malleus said, fully stepping into the room. “I would come whenever you call.” 

“Sap,” (Y/N) teased. She paused, plates clinking against each other. “I’m glad I’m staying. And I’m glad everyone is so willing to help. I mean, I know we’ve all been through a lot together here, but this is a lot all at once. It’s kind of scary, you know? There’s so much basic information about this world that I still don’t know. I mean, I’ve been pretty lucky that I’ve been able to visit so many places like going to everyone’s hometown and everything. But it feels like everyday I learn something totally new that rearranges my whole perception of the world, and everyone else just treats it like normal. I…” She trailed off. “You know Rollo and I have kept in touch? He asked if I would come visit during spring break. Fluer City is supposed to be beautiful that time of year, but I think it’s probably beautiful any time of year. He’s tried to convince me to transfer to Nobel Bell College a couple of times, but I told him I like it here too much. But Professor Crewel said he might be able to get me an internship at a fashion house there, did you know he used to be a designer? Anyway, it’s something that doesn't need magic, so it could be a good fit. And now everyone is offering me a place to stay after graduation. Hey, maybe I’ll do a full Twisted Wonderland tour! I’ll have to start figuring out where I’ll be after school anyway, right? A degree from Night Raven College might be prestigious, but not having any magic can only get me so far, you know? I’ll need to take whatever opportunity I can get.” 

Malleus froze, turning her words over in his head. He stepped forward. “You work so hard, dear Child of Man,” He said. He placed a heavy hand on her shoulder. “Please, sit, you deserve a moment of respite. Here, drink this.” A mug of some steaming and sweet smelling drink appeared in Malleus’s hands. He pressed it into hers, insistent. 

“Oh, thanks, Hornton,” She said, taking a long sip, not noticing the slight pink sheen of the steaming liquid.

[machetelettuce]

Solitary Obsessions of Revenge. Thoughts / Psychology below

One thing observed in people (particularly prisoners) who are forced into Solitary Confinement is that they sometimes develop horrible, all-consuming obsessions with one specific feeling or thing. I learned this from my therapist, who explained that this can be... literally anything. From obsessing over the feeling of your bladder being empty to hyper focusing on the feeling of pain. These obsessions occur due to the brain attempting to create stimuli in any way it can. When you are deprived of anything 'new' your brain has to Make 'new' things for it to experience. All of this is to say I think the idea of Narinder having this same desperate focus on his anger and need for revenge would make sense.

Especially because being in solitary confinement essentially rots away at the parts of your brain that store memories. I'm not an expert, don't quote me, but I believe the reason is because those pathways just aren't being recalled. So they degrade over time, and you lose access to that skill. Recalling past events becomes really difficult, and-- imagining this with Narinder-- this could be a reason he sees his siblings in SUCH a negative light. Even sparing their betrayal, he may not remember many happy times with them at all. Only the painful parts. (Which is a neat and horrible parallel to Shamura. Ouch.)

On that note, I've heard people describe Narinder as 'cold and calculating' but I think this isn't true, personally. He's always read to me as a more 'do then think' kind of person-- Specifically in the situation he's in. Which makes sense, following my narrative. He's been trapped for hundreds of years to the point where all he cares about is the ending of his siblings lives. It's not cold revenge, it's desperate, clawing, NEED to see them gone. A mind fueled by a thousand years of solitary torture isn't a reasonable one. I think theres a lot of pain and hurt that needs to be reconciled within himself until he can feel like a person who doesn't desire revenge and bloodshed to keep going.

[soaps-mohawk]

Cherry Red, Crimson Blood

Chapter 19: Daddy Issues

Summary: Your pack is back home, but things aren't quite as good as you try to make them seem. Some truths get revealed, while others remain in the dark.

Pairings: Poly 141 x reader

Word Count: 9,337 words

Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alternate Universe, a/b/o typical classism and sexism, angst, PTSD, flashbacks, nightmares, '09 Ghost's backstory, mentioned abuse/child abuse, still pretty heavy emotionally, language, finally some of the comfort after the hurt, plenty of fluff

A/N: This stupid fic making me cry again. I may have lied about this one not being quite as heavy as the others...it's still pretty heavy, but there are some sweet moments in there too. There is a bit of a time jump in the middle, it's roughly a week long or so. Not much, but it does cut ahead a bit just for the sake of plot and moving things along. Also yeah, I got it done earlier than expected.

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You’re warm. Sweat has begun to form in the creases of your body. You’re wrapped around something solid, something contributing to the intense warmth. The smell of leather and eucalyptus fills your nose as you nuzzle your face against soft fabric. It sends a shiver down your spine despite the heat, your eyes fluttering open. You’re staring at a blurry mass of black fabric, your brain beginning to catch up as you become more and more aware. 

Leather. Eucalyptus. Something distinctly alpha. 

Fuck. 

You’re spooning Ghost. 

He has to be asleep, otherwise he would never let you get so close to him. He would have shoved you off, pushed you back towards Johnny, who you’ve traded places with in the middle of the night. You must have gotten too hot sandwiched between the two betas and tried to escape somewhere cooler. That led to you spooning with Ghost, not that he’s much cooler than the betas. 

You can get away before he wakes up, remove yourself from his personal space before he realizes and forces you away. Avoid the shame and embarrassment of his rejection, his anger at you for crossing that boundary, even just in your sleep. Despite the fact you know that boundary is there, despite the fact you did it unintentionally, you’re not sure you could handle such a rejection right now, even from him. 

You slowly begin to withdraw your arm from around his middle, sliding it back towards your body. If you go slow enough, you should be able to untangle yourself from around him without waking him and avoid a confrontation. 

A quiet gasp is pulled from your lips as his hand wraps around your wrist, keeping you from moving. 

“Don’t.” He says quietly. 

Your heart is thudding in your chest as he tugs your arm back around him, keeping you where you are. Your exhale is shaky as you slowly relax, pressing your face against his back again. You’re not sure what to do. You were expecting him to push you away, get up in disgust and leave because you got too close, you pushed past the barrier he had placed around himself when it came to you. A barrier that got let down only while you’re training, then it’s put right back up as soon as you’re finished. Now here you are, spooning him after sleeping in the same room, the same nest. 

You wouldn’t have taken him for being a little spoon type. 

Your eyes begin to droop again as you lay there, breathing in Ghost’s scent. It’s like a comforting blanket, lulling you into a sense of relaxation, of safety, something you haven’t felt in days. For the first time your mind is quiet, not panicking about what happened, or what could happen. You don’t have to worry about your pack now, because they’re here with you again. 

You drift off to sleep again for a while, sleeping soundly in the cocoon of safety your pack has provided for you. 

You wake a while later, sticky with sweat. Your back is pressed against Ghost’s, and there’s something draped across your face. You push it away, blinking your eyes open. Johnny has starfished across the nest on his back, his mouth open as he snores. He’s stolen your bear, one arm holding it against his chest, and the other arm had been what was draped across your face. Kyle is curled up on his other side, having moved from the middle to the far side of the nest. John is missing, making your brows furrow. 

You push yourself up to sit, the air in the room almost like a sauna. You rub your eyes, trying to blink away the sleepiness. That might have been the best sleep you’ve gotten since your heat. It was likely the exhaustion taking its toll, paired with your brain finally being able to relax while surrounded by your pack.

You feel like you could lay down and sleep for another ten hours. 

You’re warm, though, sweat causing your clothes to stick to your skin. The blankets have all been kicked to the end of the mattresses, likely ditched early on in the night. You wiggle out of your sweatpants, kicking them off the end of the mattress as well, leaving you in a baggy shirt that you think is Johnny’s. 

You feel suddenly exposed sitting there, your eyes flicking around the room as a chill runs down your spine. John would have noticed if something was out of place, but he could have just brushed it off as you in his room. He had given you permission to be in his space while he was gone, if you needed to. One of them would have noticed if things were out of place in their rooms. Ghost would likely notice, since you haven’t been in his room at all. 

You lay back down on your back, staring up at the vent on the ceiling. The cover is in place, and no matter how hard you look, you can’t see a camera hiding in the gaps. It doesn’t ease your worry any as you stare up at it, wishing you had your phone so you could at least try to look for one. Though, perhaps it was better you didn’t have your phone with you. You hadn’t been brave enough to pop it open and look for anything strange hidden inside, though you wouldn’t even know where to begin to look, or what to look for. 

You should tell them. What if someone is watching you right now? 

You flinch as John appears in the doorway suddenly, five water bottles tucked against his chest. Your skin is crawling from the thought of someone watching, someone listening in on such a private moment with you and your pack. You hadn’t even thought about it last night, the stress and your fear had taken over your mind. You push yourself back up to sit as John passes Ghost a water bottle, handing one to you as well. You unscrew the cap as John places the other bottles on his desk. Johnny and Kyle still asleep, unaware of the world. 

Unaware of the danger. 

A cold shiver slips down your spine as you gulp down the water. What if someone had entered the barracks last night? You weren’t in your room, and the door wasn’t locked. Anyone could have just walked in and put up cameras again easily. 

One of the guys would have heard someone snooping around, right? You were so out of it you likely would have slept through one of them getting up. What if they were also so exhausted from their deployment they could have slept through someone breaching their space as well. Did Ghost lock the door last night? You can’t remember. 

“Alright, sweetheart?” 

Your head snaps up to where John is leaning against his desk. His brows are slightly furrowed as he stares at you, and you realize you’ve been projecting your scent. With them gone, you didn't have to worry as much. You could stink up a room without a care. It just meant more protection for you. Now that they’re back, though, you have to be more careful. You can’t just go panicking over nothing, not that you should have to panic while they’re here. 

That’s their job, right? Protect the omega? 

They can’t protect you if they don’t know there’s a threat in the first place. 

“Yeah.” You say, gulping down more water to think up an excuse quickly. “Thought I might be dreaming for a moment, that you didn't really come back.” 

John approaches you slowly, kneeling down on the end of the mattress with a quiet sigh. He has to be sore after their deployment. You can tell just by the way he’s holding his shoulders, by the stiffness in the way he moves. You can’t even begin to imagine the kinds of things they did, the kinds of things they went through over the last week. 

John takes your hand, pressing it against his chest. He’s warm underneath the shirt, and you can feel the steady beating of his heart under your palm. “We’re real.” He says, his thumb gently stroking the back of your hand as he holds it against his chest. “We’re really here.” 

You stare at his hand where it covers yours. You’ve seen it before, many times. Scarred and rough with calluses. His knuckles are dry and just slightly bruised. Did he punch someone? Or maybe he hit it against something else. 

His hand moves, snapping you out of your thoughts. You fight the urge to flinch as he cups your cheek, his thumb brushing your skin. “You’re thinking too much.” 

You swallow thickly. “Well, I didn’t have much to do this last week besides think.” 

A smile tugs at the corner of his lips. “We’ll try to make life more interesting for you, then.” He leans forward, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Now, let’s get these two muppets up for breakfast.” 

He pushes himself back up to stand, staring down at Johnny and Kyle, still sleeping. You shift onto your hands and knees, crawling over to Johnny before swinging a leg over to straddle his stomach. You lean forward, planting your hands on either side of his face, his breath catching as he begins to wake up, sensing a disturbance. You stare down at him, watching his eyes flutter before they crack open. The haze of sleep leaves his blue eyes, clarity coming back to him quickly as his lips begin to lift in a grin as he stares up at you. 

“Didnae expect tae wake up to such a sight.” He says, voice thick with sleep as his hands come to rest on your bare thighs. “A beautiful woman on top of me? I must’ve died and gone tae heaven in my sleep.” 

“Even better,” You say, leaning down closer. “Because I’m real.” 

“That ye are.” He says, slowly dragging his hands up your legs, pushing the shirt up as he goes. 

Ghost pushes himself off the mattress, leaving the room so quickly he nearly knocks his shoulder against the doorframe. A frown pulls at your brows as you watch him go, slowly pushing yourself back up to sit on Johnny’s stomach. Guilt starts to well up in you as you stare at the empty doorway. You hadn’t meant to make him uncomfortable. 

“Don’t mind him, kitten.” Johnny says, pushing himself up to sit, sliding you backwards into his lap. “He’s still miffed he didn’t get a greetin’ yesterday.” 

“Oh,” You say, blinking in surprise. You hadn’t even thought about greeting Ghost in that moment. You had been so desperate for your alpha, and then swept up by the betas, it hadn’t even crossed your mind to acknowledge Ghost. “I didn’t-” 

“It’s not yer fault.” Johnny says, wrapping his arms around you. “He hasnae been the most...open with ye. It’s his own damn fault for it.” 

“Oh, well, I’ll be sure to give him a big hug when he comes back in.” You say. 

“Please do.” Kyle says, rubbing his eyes where he’s laying next to you. “I’ll pay to see his reaction.” 

All three of you burst out laughing, Johnny pressing his forehead against yours. “Missed ye, kitten.” 

“Not as much as I missed you.” You say, pouting. 

Johnny chuckles, pressing a quick kiss to your lips. His hands slide to your hips as he presses another soft kiss to your lips, and then another. 

“Let me get in on some of that.” Kyle says, pushing himself up to sit. He grips your chin in his hand, turning your face to his before pressing his lips to yours. 

His kiss takes your breath away, deeper and more passionate than Johnny’s had been. You hum against his lips as Johnny’s grip on your waist tightens. 

“Christ almighty.” Johnny breathes, staring at you and Kyle as you kiss. 

“Alright, you three.” John says as the air in the room starts to turn musky with arousal. “Let’s feed our omega first before we get too carried away.” 

Kyle pulls away from you, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead. 

“Can we...eat in here again?” You ask, wrapping an arm around Johnny’s shoulders as you turn slightly to look up at John. You had almost forgotten about his presence, caught up in the attention from your betas. The thought of him watching the three of you has a different kind of thrill racing down your spine. 

“Of course.” John says, bending down to kiss you. 

Both Johnny and Kyle groan at the sight of their pack alpha kissing you, Johnny’s cock twitching in his boxers beneath you. You press a kiss to Johnny’s cheek after John pulls away from you before pushing yourself up to stand. You stretch your arms over your head, the shirt riding up a bit, giving both Kyle and Johnny a good view of your legs. The musky scent of arousal intensifies in the air as they stare at you, Johnny licking his lips hungrily. 

“Alright, get out of here you cheeky little minx, otherwise they’ll never get out of bed.” John says, gently guiding you from the room. 

You can’t help the smile that tugs at your lips as you leave John’s room, stepping out into the hallway. It’s much cooler outside of the room, goosebumps forming on your legs. You have half a mind to go back to your own room, but you find yourself unable to even approach the door. Memories of the fear and your panic come flooding back, the thought that someone might have snuck inside, someone might be waiting for you in there snapping to the front of your mind. It’s a ridiculous thought. Someone would have noticed if there was an intruder, if there was someone who shouldn’t be inside creeping around. 

Your gaze flickers from your door as Ghost makes his way down the hallway, his clothes changed from what he’d been wearing to sleep in. You bite your lip as you stare at him, meeting his gaze. Perhaps it's the fear driving you forward, or maybe you’ve gone slightly crazy in their absence, but you find yourself approaching him, making him stop in his tracks. 

He eyes you as you approach, your steps quick as you try to avoid chickening out. Your mind is repeating Johnny’s words over and over in your head, an explanation for Ghost’s behavior yesterday, and obvious annoyance at you and Johnny this morning. You wonder if he’ll take it as a threat as you get closer to him, if he might snap and defend himself. He’s completely still, not even his chest moving. He’s watching you like a predator watches its prey, waiting for your next move. 

It’s like hugging a tree as you wrap your arms around his waist. He’s stiffer than a board as you hug him, resting your face on his chest. Leather and eucalyptus and musk all float around you as you press close to him, his scent enveloping you in a hug, even if his body doesn’t follow suit. 

“What are you doing?” He asks, his voice rumbling deep in his chest. 

“Hugging you.” You say, tightening your hold around him. You’ve been this close to him before in your training, but this feels different. “I’m sorry for not greeting you on the tarmac. I wasn’t really thinking clearly at that point.” 

He lets out a quiet sigh, something you probably wouldn’t have noticed if you weren’t so close to him. You can imagine it’s a sigh of exasperation at Johnny for spilling about his feelings. “It’s fine.” He says, awkwardly patting your back. “Don’t know why you would have wanted to.” 

“Well, you are part of the pack.” You say. “That should be enough reason.” 

You nuzzle your face against his chest, his scent going straight to the back of your brain. Your omega wants to roll in it, cover herself in it until it’s all you can smell. The intensity of his scent has something in your hindbrain purring, the sound rumbling through your chest. 

Ghost puts his hands on your shoulders, pushing you back from him. You blink up at him blearily as your mind begins to clear a bit with the distance. “At least put some pants on before you completely lose it.” He grumbles. 

A small smile tugs at your lips before it falls at the thought of having to go into your room. You turn to face the door, your vision almost tunneling as you stare at it. You don’t want to open it. You don’t want to go in there. 

“Ghost?” You say quietly before he can walk away. 

He turns to look at you, his eyes squinting just slightly as he frowns. “What?” 

“Will you...will you open my door for me?” You shift your weight, knowing he’s going to want a reason, an explanation for your behavior. 

He turns fully to face you, shoulders squared as he slowly approaches, suddenly on the defensive. “What is it?” 

You shake your head. “Just a feeling.” 

He steps between you and the door, wrapping his fingers around the handle before he swings it open, scanning the inside. His shoulders relax just slightly and you let out a breath of air. There’s no one inside. No one’s waiting for you. No one broke in last night. 

He takes a step back before turning to you. “Nothing.” 

You let out a sigh of relief, staring into the space that was once your nest, your safe place. You can feel Ghost’s eyes on you, waiting for an explanation for your behavior. You can’t tell him the truth, despite how easy it would be. You could confess right now, admit to what happened, what you did, the mistake you made. You could drop to your knees right now, beg for forgiveness for what you did. 

“It was hard...while everyone was gone.” You say. It’s not a lie. Not entirely. “Made me uneasy, being alone here. Kept thinking I was hearing things.” 

He doesn’t believe you. You can see it in his eyes. He knows your lying, he knows you’re withholding the truth from him. You aren’t, you just aren’t giving him the whole truth. You had felt lonely, you had been on edge even before General Shepherd arrived and your room was bugged. Being alone was hard. Harder than you thought it would be. It would have taken its toll on you, even without the stress of your space being invaded multiple times. 

You should have told someone. You should have called Dr. Keller right away. You should have never opened the door in the first place. 

“Thank you.” You say, slipping past him and entering your room. 

He stands there for a few breaths, watching you warily as you open your closet, looking for something to wear. You ignore him, acting like he’s not there, but you can’t hide the squaring of your shoulders, the stiffness of your movements. You’re not sure you could resist if he pressed, if he tried to force you to tell him. You’d spill immediately, even without him using his alpha against you. 

The thought has another chill racing down your spine. 

Your omega is on edge as you change with the door open, not caring as the guys move around, getting dressed to head out to grab breakfast for everyone. You hate how inconvenient it must be, but you still don’t think you could handle being in the mess. Not yet. Not so soon. You’ll have to eventually, otherwise they’ll think something is up, happened, and then they’ll start questioning. 

You couldn’t handle an interrogation. Especially not their disappointed and angry faces when you confess to what you did, the mistakes you made, how you allowed someone to walk in so easily. How you left so easily with a stranger. They’d never trust you again. 

They won’t trust you if you keep things from them either. 

They have to know. They have to know General Shepherd came to base and talked to you. They have to know about you meeting their superior while they were away. A high ranking General couldn’t just be on base without someone knowing, and why would he hide it? He had come to check in on your progress and how you were settling in with your pack. He would have included your pack in that questioning as well, right? Besides, there has to be cameras everywhere on base. Someone would have seen you and let them know. 

There’s no way they don’t know about it. 

You stand in the doorway of your bathroom, staring at the cabinet where the broken cameras and recording devices are hidden. They’re broken, you ensured that. They’re hidden away, buried under enough stuff no one could find them unless they were purposefully looking for something. 

You let out a breath, trying to relax as you finish your morning routine. It’s over. There’s nothing that can be done now. All you can do is try to move on, try to mend the fraying bonds with your pack, heal the sense of fear and unease surrounding your safe space. 

Maybe Dr. Keller could help. You could admit everything to her, everything that happened while she was supposed to be watching you. If you had just gone to her office that afternoon, perhaps things would have been different. She would have known, but that wouldn’t have stopped the cameras from being put up. It would have just made it easier for them. Maybe they might have finished the job properly, and you wouldn’t have even known. Even if you had called Dr. Keller, what kind of argument could she have made against a Commanding Officer? 

If you told Dr. Keller now, she’d tell your pack. She’s promised to keep everything between you confidential, but would something like this be an exception? Would she tell your pack anyway because she thinks it’s the best course of action to help you? 

You want to cry. Tears are welling in your eyes as you stare in the mirror. You hardly recognize yourself. You look tired, strung out, sickly almost. Are you not, though? Is that not how you feel? You know omegas can get sick from stress sometimes, if it gets to be too much. You don’t want to get sick. You don’t want to be more of a burden than you’re already being. They have to be so tired after their assignment, and here you are making things harder for them. 

“You alright, love?” 

You jump, letting out a shriek as you whip around to face the door of your room. Your heart is racing as you slap a hand over your mouth, staring wide-eyed at an equally surprised Kyle. You let out a breath, slowly lowering your trembling hand as you try to calm yourself. It’s just Kyle sneaking up on you. Not a stranger. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” He says, brows pinching in a frown. 

“‘S okay.” You murmur, turning off the light before leaving the bathroom. “Was lost in thought.” 

“The others left to grab food.” Kyle says. “They’ll be back shortly.” 

You nod, trying hard not to make your trembling too visible, or give any hint at your discomfort. “Okay.” 

You stare at him as he leans against the doorframe. He hasn’t entered your room. He’s still standing in the doorway. The thought has a lump forming in your throat. Your bonds have frayed so much he doesn’t even feel comfortable entering your space anymore. There’s a wall up again, and you’re only forcing it higher and higher. 

“Come on.” He says, holding his hand out to you. “Let’s go to the rec room.” 

You take his offered hand, letting him pull you from your room. The door clicks closed behind you as you let him lead you down the hallway and away from the place that’s become fuel for your nightmares. 

Kyle sits down on the couch, pulling you down on his lap. You wrap your arm around his neck as he wraps his arms around you, enveloping you in his warmth and scent. 

“I’m sorry for startling you.” He says softly, bringing your other hand to his lips so he can press a kiss to your wrist. 

“It’s not your fault.” You say, leaning your head against his shoulder. “Been on edge since everyone left.” 

“I bet.” Kyle leans his cheek against the top of your head. “We’re here now. We’re gonna fix that.” 

“What happens when you have to leave again?” You ask. 

“You won’t be alone again, that’s for sure.” A different voice says. 

You nearly jump out of Kyle’s lap as John appears in the doorway of the rec room, Johnny and Ghost right behind him. Kyle’s arms are the only thing keeping you steady as your heart nearly beats out of your chest. You’re not sure how much more you can take, intentionally or unintentionally. 

“I spoke with Kate this morning.” John says as he sets the food he’s carrying on the coffee table. “We’re going to do everything in our power to avoid having you left alone again. At least one of us will be staying behind with you from now on.” 

Your brows pinch a little. Is that why he had been absent from the nest earlier? You’re not quite sure what to feel. On one hand you’re relieved at the thought of not having to be alone again, but on the other hand, you don’t want to disrupt their lives, their jobs. You wonder just how hard he had to fight to even get Kate to agree to something like this. 

You also feel a bit afraid that they know, they figured out what had happened and that’s the reason they don’t trust to leave you alone again. You’ll make another stupid mistake or another risky decision that might cause you actual harm next time. 

Kyle eases you off his lap and onto the couch beside him. Johnny sits on your other side, squishing you between them as a tray is passed into your hands. You don’t feel very hungry as you stare down at the food, but you know after a meager dinner last night, you need to eat. You won’t be doing you or your pack any favors by being hungry. 

It’s quiet in the rec room as you eat. It’s almost eerie how silent it is, aside from the occasional scrape of silverware on the trays. You begin to float back into the time when they were gone, the haunting silence that had settled over the barracks in their absence. Everything had seemed so still, not peaceful, but more like the very walls were holding their breath. 

Perhaps it was in anticipation for what was to come. Perhaps somehow the very walls knew they would be beached, the safety they once promised would be upended. 

Or maybe you’ve just gone crazy. 

You shift forward on the couch, careful not to tip your tray over as you grab the remote from the coffee table, turning the TV on. 

“Finally! I couldnae handle the silence much longer.” Johnny exclaims, letting out a relieved sigh. 

The corners of your lips pull up in a smile as you pass the remote off to him, letting him search for something bearable to watch on early morning TV. You’re glad at least you weren’t alone in your distaste for the silence. You curl up closer to Gaz, reminding yourself that it’s not a dream, that they really are here. They really did come back. 

Now you just have to move on and put the nightmare of what happened behind you. 

As the days pass, things begin to return to normal. The guys start their normal routine of training and running drills almost immediately. To avoid being stuck in the barracks alone, you ask to go with them, blaming it on the distance and your need to be clingy still. At first you were afraid someone would take advantage of the barracks being empty again, but every search has come up empty handed. No more cameras, no more recording devices. 

Whoever it was who planted them must have given up, or perhaps the risk of doing it with the entire pack back on base was too high. 

Despite this fact, you spend the least amount of time in your room as possible. Even when you can’t go to watch them train or run drills, you spend your time in John’s room, or in the rec room. At night you rotate between John, Kyle, and Johnny, opting to sleep with them over spending a night alone in your room. 

As you discussed, you begin seeing Dr. Keller twice a week. You’re not quite sure what she told John to convince him it was necessary, but whatever it was, it hadn’t given away any of your secrets. It probably hadn’t taken much to convince him to say yes, given your current state and his worry about you. 

You know he’s worried. You can see it when he looks at you, like you might snap if he stares too hard. You’ve seen the way his hands twitch when Johnny holds you too tightly or gets too rough in his affection, like he’s worried you might shatter.

It’s reassuring to see the distance has not just affected you. Johnny holds you tighter than he used to, Kyle stands closer to you like he’s trying to fuse you both into one. Even Ghost has started hovering closer, using his hands to steer you and guide you when you’re around others that aren’t part of your pack. 

You’ve started eating in the mess again, knowing you can only avoid it for so long before they’ll start getting suspicious and asking questions. You still feel paranoid, being around the other soldiers on base. You can’t help but be suspicious that it was one of them that planted the cameras, that it was one of them that tried to get into your room that night. Who would willingly breach such sacred ground and invade an omega’s space like that, you couldn’t even begin to guess.  

Sure, some of them still stare at you, but most of them now ignore your existence. You’re no longer a spectacle, not after a few weeks on base, not that you’re a claimed omega now. 

That won’t stop some alphas. 

Going up against your pack, though? That would take one hell of a cocksure alpha. 

Just like the one that invaded your safe space. 

It had to have been an alpha. Sure, that beta soldier had entered the barracks, but to go so far as to put up cameras and try to come back and get into your room? That takes a special kind of audacity, something only an alpha could possess. 

So life has gone back to normal, or at least as normal as it can be after what happened. 

The return to normal hasn’t all been good, though. Your nightmares have returned, coming on quickly as soon as you began to settle into routine again. The real nightmare has passed, so now your mind has to plague itself with nightmares that have already happened. Things that can’t even hurt you anymore. 

You start avoiding sleep again, despite your work with Dr. Keller, too afraid to risk having a nightmare in front of one of them again. The last thing you need is to have to spill about your nightmare. You might not be able to stop and wind up spilling about what happened while they were gone too. 

Unfortunately, things don’t work that way. They never work that way for you. 

Someone is screaming. Your body feels like it’s being constricted by a snake, crushing and painful as you’re clutched desperately against your mother’s chest. She’s the one that’s screaming, the sound hurting your ears. Your face is pressed against her shoulder, into the softness of her sweater. It’s the pink one, the one she made. Her favorite. 

There’s knocking coming from somewhere, a door handle jiggling. It’s locked, but you can hear someone trying to get in, multiple people based on the voices from the other side. You don’t know who it is. You don’t recognize any of them. You can’t even make out what it is their saying, if they’re saying anything at all. The voices sound more like the unintelligible roar of monsters, the ones you used to be afraid of as a child. 

Everything is muted by the blood pulsing in your ears, drowning out everything but the jiggling of the door handle. Someone’s trying to break in. Someone is breaking in. You can make out the thuds against the door, the desperate attempts to get inside, to get to you. 

The arms around you tighten, pressing your face harder into the soft yarn of the sweater. You inhale the familiar scent of brown sugar and vanilla, the scent surrounding you and enveloping you in a sense of safety. Nothing can get you. Nothing can hurt you. 

That’s not true, though. You know it’s not. 

There’s a bang as the door is finally forced open, the screaming getting louder as footsteps enter the room. You’re shaking, trembling in your mother’s arms as she clings to you desperately, just like you used to cling to her when you thought there was a monster under your bed. 

The monsters were real, you realize as you desperately cling to your mother, just as tightly as she’s clinging to you. 

Hands grab at you, claws digging into your skin, tentacles wrapping around your body, trying to pull you from your mother’s grip. You can hear her pleading, begging, screaming at them not to take you, not to separate you. You’ll never see her again if they manage to pull you from her. They’ll take you away, hide you away, keep you from the warm comfort of her embrace. 

You let out a scream of your own as you’re yanked from her grasp, your arms reaching for her as the monsters pull you from the source of your safety and comfort. The last thing you see is your mother’s grief stricken face before the door slams in your face. 

A scream tears from your lips as you’re pulled from sleep suddenly. You’re falling, hitting the tile floor with a thud. Your shoulder cracks against the unforgiving floor, making you yelp. The blanket has tangled around your legs, rendering you immobile from the waist down. 

The frantic pounding of boots on the floor meets your ears, seconds before the four members of your pack are sprinting into the rec room. Their faces look just as frantic as their steps had been, concern laced with fear laced with worry. You hadn’t even realized they’d returned already. They had been at their afternoon drills while you stayed in the rec room watching TV, slowly succumbing to the exhaustion that’s been plaguing you. 

“What is it? What happened?” Kyle asks, moving to step forward but John beats him to it. 

“Fell off the couch.” You say, pushing yourself up to sit, wincing at the pain in your shoulder. There’s tears sliding down your cheeks despite you fighting the remnants of your terror and pain from the nightmare. 

“I think there’s more to it than that.” John says, kneeling down in front of you. 

You want to confess everything. How you haven’t been sleeping well for weeks now since your heat, how you keep having horrible nightmares about your past, what happened while they were away, how the nightmares have returned. Your breath catches in your throat as you stare at John, the tears sliding down your cheeks as you give up trying to control them. Guilt plagues you as you stare at the worried face of your alpha. He just wants to help you, he just wants to take care of you, but he can’t if you’re keeping things from him, if you’re lying to his face. 

“I had a nightmare.” You say quietly, your voice barely above a whisper. You clutch your arm to your chest, trying not to move your shoulder too much. 

John lets out a quiet sigh, his fingers lifting to press against your shoulder, feeling around the joint. You wince as he hits a tender spot, the pain sharp, but not horrible. You’ve certainly felt worse things. 

He turns to the others behind him, all of them staring at you with equally worried looks on their faces. “Get me an ice pack.” He says before turning back to you. 

He lifts you off the floor, placing you back on the couch before untangling the blanket from around your legs. Johnny grabs an ice pack as Kyle moves to sit next to you on the couch, draping his arm across the back, projecting his scent to try and help you relax. John sits on the edge of the coffee table, staring at you. Despite the worry still present on his face, his eyes are sharp. You can’t help but feel like you’re suddenly in an interrogation. They’ve done this before, probably many times, though likely not as gently as they are now. You’re terrified still at the way they shift so easily into the mindset of a soldier. You can’t even imagine what it would be like if they were serious in their interrogation of you. 

“How long have you been having nightmares?” John asks as Johnny takes a seat on the other side of you, passing you the ice pack. 

You press it against your shoulder, trying to keep your thoughts straight. You have to try not to spill anything, try not to confess to all of your sins, all of your stupid mistakes now. Your gaze drops to your lap, avoiding the looks of the two alphas staring at you. Ghost has moved to stand behind John, his arms crossed as he watches the exchange. You can feel the pressure of their gaze, the sharpness of it digging into your skin like knives. 

“A couple weeks.” You admit, unable to even think of a lie. You don’t want to lie now, not with them staring at you so intensely. They’d know. They’d be able to tell before the words even left your mouth. “Since my heat ended.” 

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding sleeping?” John asks. 

You wince at his question. Of course he noticed. Why wouldn’t he? He’s been trained to notice weaknesses in others, gauge the capabilities of his men. Of course he’d notice you’re more tired than usual, not sleeping quite as much. He probably even knew all the times you woke up in the night when you slept next to him.  

You nod, still staring at your lap, too afraid to see the disappointment in his eyes. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He breathes, almost sounding upset. 

You’ve made a mistake in keeping this a secret. You regret it as soon as you hear the emotion in his voice. He thinks you don’t trust them, he thinks you don’t trust your alpha. You need to tell him. You need to tell him everything, but the fear keeps you paralyzed. How much more upset will he be when you confess that you kept such a major event from him, from all of them? 

A quiet sob leaves your lips as you sit there, terrified of the reprimanding you’re sure to get. The shame burns hot in you, the reminder that you’ve disappointed them. You’ve let them down and now they won’t even trust you to tell them anything. 

“We’re not mad at you, sweetheart.” Gaz says, shifting his arm so it’s wrapped around your shoulders, his thumb brushing the hand that’s holding the ice pack to your shoulder. Johnny shifts just slightly closer to you, both of the betas projecting their scent around you, trying to cocoon you in their comforting presence. 

“I just want to know why you felt it necessary to hide something like that from us.” John says, his voice softer than it had been before. 

“I didn’t want to bother you.” You find the words spilling out before you can stop them. Maybe it’s the exhaustion or the fear or your brain finally getting tired of holding everything in. This is your moment to let out a little steam, to finally release some of the pressure that’s been building. “My nightmares are nothing compared to the ones you all probably have and it’s stupid and I shouldn’t even be having them, it’s been years since the last time I dreamed like this, and I don’t even know why they’ve come back now.” 

“No nightmares are stupid.” Ghost says, stepping up closer to the coffee table. 

“We’re here to help you.” John says, leaning his elbows on his knees. “We can’t do that if you don’t tell us what’s going on.” 

Guilt burns through you at his words. He’s right. You should be honest with them, tell them everything. They can’t help you, they can’t keep you safe even from the things that plague your mind if they don’t know about them. 

“What are the dreams about?” John asks, blue eyes boring holes into you. 

You feel small under his gaze, like you're a child again, facing down your father after doing something wrong, after making a mistake. You have made a mistake, though. You’re facing the consequences of your mistake right now. 

“The day I left for the institute.” You say quietly, voice hardly more than a whisper but you know they heard you in the silence of the barracks. It feels threatening, like the walls are silently vowing to tell the truth if you don’t. 

Your pack shifts a bit at your words, sharing looks amongst themselves. They have to know what it’s like, or at least heard stories about the trauma of being pulled from your pack to be taken to a strange place, surrounded by others just like you. 

“What happened that day?” Ghost asks, staring down at you. 

You can feel his gaze piercing into you, screaming the silent threat that you’re going to tell them, no matter how long they have to sit here and wait. You don’t have a choice anymore. You have to tell them. 

You’re warm. The ice pack pressed against your forehead does little to soothe the burning under your skin. You’re thirsty, the two empty plastic bottles on your nightstand were not enough to ease the dryness in your mouth. 

Hands shift the ice pack, pressing it against your cheek. Your mother is there, seated next to your bed diligently. She’s crying, tears sliding down her cheeks, quiet sniffles breaking the silence in the house. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispers, bringing your hand to her lips. “I’m so sorry,” She apologizes, as if it’s her fault, as if she brought this onto you. 

She gasps quietly as the door opens, her back stiffening as your father enters. His face is stern, mouth almost twisted with disgust as he stares at you. It feels wrong, having him invade your space. If you’d had the energy, perhaps you would have been brave enough to protest his presence. 

“Come on.” His voice is gruff, worn down from years of smoking and yelling. “Get up.” 

“No, please-” Your mother attempts to reason with him, but he won’t have it. 

“Shut up and sit down.” He snaps at her, and she has no choice but to sit back and be silent. His voice has something tingling in the back of your neck, almost like a warning. There’s nothing you can do, though. You’re far too weak. 

He moves to the side of your bed, grabbing your arm and pulling you up from the comfort of your blankets. The ice pack falls from your head, your skin prickling with warmth almost like it hadn’t been there in the first place. Your brain is sluggish as you try to comprehend what’s happening, your legs giving out as you’re forced upright. You can’t get your body to work, you can’t even force yourself to behave. You want to crawl back under your blankets and lay there for the rest of eternity. 

You whine as you’re dragged from your room, knees knocking on the floor as you attempt to get your feet under you to ease the pain in your shoulder. Your father drags you into the living room, two people you don’t recognize standing next to the front door. 

“Please, please don’t do this!” Your mother pleads with him, right on his heels as he drops you in a heap in front of them. He catches her before she can rush forward to you. How you wish you could have her arms around you again, holding you and comforting you in your confusion. 

“Enough.” Your father snaps at her, looking down at you with disgust. “She’s no daughter of mine.” 

You blink up at him, the words seering through the haze, registering in your foggy mind. Tears gather in your eyes as you stare up at your parents, your siblings watching tensely from the living room as the scene unfolds before them. 

“No, no!” You cry as hands close around your arms, lifting you from the floor. “Mama!” You scream, trying to fight them as you’re pulled from your home, your safe space, your family, your pack. 

Your mother is yelling, fighting against your father’s hold around her, but it’s useless. He’s stronger. He wants this, so no one is going to stop him. She’ll pay later for her actions, her disagreement with him. You won’t be here to see it, though. You’re leaving and you won’t be coming back. 

The last thing you see as the cool air outside washes over your feverish skin is your mother’s grief stricken face before the door closes, locking you out forever. 

You’re dragged into the back of a van parked in the driveway. Two men in uniform climb in behind you before the doors are slammed shut. You curl up in the corner, sobbing uncontrollably. You want your mom, you want to be back in the safety of her arms, the warmth and comforting softness that only she can provide. 

One of the men approaches you, a needle in his hand. You whimper in fear, pressing further back into the corner as he gets closer to you. He forces you down onto your stomach, the pain brief as he injects you with the sedative before he moves back to take his seat. You curl up in a ball, quietly sobbing as the drugs begin to work, your vision going hazy before you’re forced into unconsciousness. 

“I woke up hours later at the institute.” You say, wiping at the tears streaming down your cheeks, but it does little against the cascade of tears falling from your eyes. “Never saw or spoke to my family again. They didn’t even try to reach me, and I know my dad was the reason why. He hated me as soon as I presented.” 

“Fucking hell.” Ghost breathes, hands curled into fists at his sides. You can smell the intensity of his scent above everything, the burning ozone of anger rolling off of him. It makes you wince, even though you know it’s not directed at you. 

“That’s why he wanted to send you so quickly.” Kyle says, his arm tightening around you. 

“How did he get you into FIOT so soon after your presentation?” John asks. 

You shrug your good shoulder. “I don’t know. I didn’t even know he’d be sending me, much less so soon until it was happening.” 

“Christ,” Johnny breathes, gently taking your hand in his. “No wonder yer havin’ nightmares, kitten.” 

“I haven’t had this nightmare since I arrived at the institute. They started there, lasted a few weeks while I adjusted to being there.” You sniffle. “Haven’t had them since, until now. Dr. Keller says it’s because I finally feel safe enough to process the trauma of it happening.” 

John sits up a little straighter. “Is that why she suggested seeing you multiple times a week?” 

You nod. “We’re working on it. I asked her not to tell you, because I did plan on telling you eventually.” 

“I’m glad you told someone, at least,” He says. “And I’m glad you finally told us too. We might not be able to stop the nightmares, but at least now we can help support you in whatever way you need.” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” You say, squeezing Johnny’s hand slightly. He was the only one that knew you were having nightmares, but you hadn’t even confessed to him what was going on out of fear he’d tell the others. 

“It’s alright, sweet girl.” John says, leaning forward to press a kiss to your forehead. “I’m glad it finally came out and now we can help you.” He wipes the tears from your cheeks, his thumb brushing your skin gently. 

The moment is broken as your stomach growls impatiently. It’s past your normal dinner time, your confession having kept you longer than you thought it would. You hadn’t gotten in your afternoon snack either, your body having chosen to nap instead. 

A small smile tugs at John’s lips. “Hungry, love?” 

You nod. “Yeah. Didn’t get my snack.” 

“We’ll go get some food and bring it here, how does that sound?” He asks. 

You nod. “Yeah. That sounds good.” 

He pushes himself up to stand, his knees cracking as he does. You fight the urge to say something, squeezing Johnny’s hand tightly. 

“I’ll stay.” Ghost says, still looking at you. 

John looks down at you and you meet Ghost’s gaze for a moment before nodding. John presses another kiss to your head, Johnny and Kyle pressing kisses to your cheeks before they get up, leaving the rec room to get dinner for everyone. 

Ghost moves from his spot on the other side of the coffee table, sinking down at the end of the couch. You fight the urge to stare at him in surprise. You’re not sure you’ve seen him sit anywhere but in the chair the entire time you’ve been here. 

It’s silent between the two of you for a few moments, aside from the occasional sniffle from you. You wipe the remaining tears from your face, removing the melted ice pack from your shoulder, tossing it on the coffee table. This feels very familiar to you, this position. You’ve been here before, back when you punched the asshole alpha who insulted you. 

“My dad was a real asshole.” 

You turn your head slightly in surprise when Ghost break’s the silence suddenly. He’s not looking at you, his gaze distant, far away. You know that look well. You’ve seen it on him before, and also on a few omegas at the institute. You’re sure it’s graced your face as well many times. 

“He was a trad alpha, real piece of shit who couldn’t control his anger. Took it out on all of us. My mum, my brother, me.” He scoffs. “Mum took the brunt of it, but Tommy and I faced our fair share of it too. He used to bring dangerous animals home and taunted us with them. Made me kiss a snake once. He did all kinds of horrible things to us.” His voice softens a bit in a way you’ve never heard before. You’ve never seen him so vulnerable, not even when he told you about his own nightmares. “I’ve never wanted an omega, because of the things my dad did to my mum. I never wanted a pack either, but...maybe something deep down in me did because I said yes to this whole experiment.” 

The silence hangs heavy between you for a moment. You’re not sure what to say, or if you can even manage to say anything in response to what he’s just told you. You had no idea what his life was like growing up, except that he was also a purebred. 

“I was always too afraid the cycle would continue, that I’d turn out to be another piece of shit, just like my dad.” He says. 

“I don’t think you’re a piece of shit.” You say, your voice cracking a bit. 

He huffs out a breath. “Thanks.” He stares down at the coffee table, leaning his elbows on his knees. “Did your dad ever hit you?” 

You shake your head. “Never directly. He got rough sometimes, grabbing us, squeezing too hard, yanking us around. He never stopped my brothers when they got too rough, though. They liked to wrestle, and I wanted to join because I wanted to spend time with my cooler older brothers. Sometimes they’d forget I was smaller than them and I got hurt a couple times. He never reprimanded them when it happened. I think he enjoyed it more than anything. He mostly just yelled a lot.” 

“Trad alphas only speak the language of yelling and violence.” He says. “If my father wasn’t screaming at us, his fists were getting the message across. Sometimes he’d do both at the same time.” Ghost shakes his head. “Real pieces of shit, trad alphas. Makes me sick, the kinds of things they believe in.” 

“I’m sorry about what happened to you.” You say, fishing for anything to follow up his confession with. Nothing feels right, nothing feels like enough. 

He shrugs. “It happened. It’s in the past. He died a few years ago. Left nothing but a stain behind.” 

“What happened to your mom and brother?” You ask. 

“Tommy got into drugs for a while, but he cleaned up and got married. Mum lives with him now. Still doing well.” He says. 

You’re surprised by his words. You’ve always heard that omegas don’t last long without their alphas. But what if their alpha was an asshole? Is the relief of their death enough to scrub out the grief of losing your alpha? 

You stare at the side of Ghost’s head, your heart thudding in your chest. You feel sorry for him, but at the same time, you’re grateful he shared this with you. You have much more in common than you thought you did with the giant aloof alpha. Maybe, perhaps, this can be a way for the two of you to grow closer, maybe you finally have common ground that you can share with him to get him to open up to you more. You know he wants it. The revelation of his disappointment at your lack of greeting, and the fact he let you hug him is enough to tell you he wants something more with you. It might never breach the realm of romance or even a casual fling, but you can’t deny the bond is there. You can feel it, the tugging in your chest as you look at him, the butterflies in your stomach when he puts a hand on your back to steer you through the crowd in the mess. 

You want him to want you. You want him to open up, to peel the layers back and bare his very soul to you. He’s already started. This confession is the beginning of that kind of bond between you. That he trusts you enough to tell you this makes something flutter in your chest. 

If only he knew you were keeping something worse from him. 

You could tell him. Confess to him right here, right now. Spill it all in this sort of mock confessional, this mock therapy session between you. He’ll be mad, but perhaps after everything that’s transpired today, he’ll be lenient. You’re not sure you could say the same about John, though. 

“Ghost, I-” You start but he cuts you off. 

“Simon.” 

“What?” You breathe, blinking in shock as he turns to face you. 

“My name. It’s Simon.” 

NEXT ->

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