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parameciam · 20 days ago

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on Quan Yizhen, autism, and autistic characterization

Let me preface this by saying that this post is my own interpretation + some headcanons, all based on my own experiences as an autistic person, or the experiences of other autistic friends. And this is also my way to fight back on the constant slander/ableist treatment that Quan Yizhen tends to receive. The other day I was too mad to actually elaborate on this topic. I am still mad though xD

Also, again: autism is a spectrum, that’s why I prefaced this by saying that this comes from my own experiences, those are what informs my reading of his character in the book and what dictates how I extrapolate the things I do when I write him in my fics. Most people who follow me already know, but I am a late diagnosed, audhd afab, from latam c: Therefore my opinions are coming from the western side of fandom, and I cannot (nor i’m not trying to) speak about the chinese side of fandom or their views on autism: i don't know anything about it.

Gentle suggestion: if you are a “it’s really not that deep” truther, stop reading this now :3

So, now to the points. Which will be: I. infantilization and other common autistic struggles and how those are shown in canon; II. ableism and mischaracterization; and III. the positive sides of Quan Yizhen’s character and how those also relate to autism. (After a cut, since this is a REALLY long post)

small note: any excerpts included in this post are taken from 7seas official english translation of TGCF. I have not read the revised edition, so I don't know if/how Quan Yizhen's characterization changed there :)

I. On infantilization and other common autistic struggles

The fact that Quan Yizhen is used as a bit of comical relief in the novel probably doesn’t help people to try and read beyond his apparent “goofiness”, and I’ve also seen a lot of infantilization directed at him, based on the few things we see him do / act interested in during canon. And yes, it’s easy to latch onto those funny/cute details and forget that he is actually

An accomplished martial artist, considered a prodigy way before ascending,

An accomplished martial god, who ranks in the top ten during the battle of the lanterns,

A martial god with a strong base of believers even while he’s working on his own and without the help of any deputies,

An adult, who has lived for at least two centuries,

Above all, an actual human being, with complex feelings and thoughts, just like the rest of the cast.

Sadly, infantilization is an issue that most autistic people have faced at some point in their lives. There’s a lot of reasons to explain why that happens:

Needing support with a variety of things (because of executive dysfunction, struggles with social communication, and a long et cetera), which makes others perceive autistic people as less capable, immature, or directly childlike, be it out of pity or a misdirected “benevolence”.

Having strong, specific and intense interests, especially when those interests are not aligned with the societal expectations for your age, or are not “productive” and therefore seen as less valuable.

Defiance against social rules — be it explicit or unspoken rules — (I will elaborate on this later)

The societal bias that associates autism with being “mentally challenged” to put it gently. No need to elaborate on this one -.-

And too many other equally fucked up things.

Now back to our blorbo. During canon, Quan Yizhen is shown to struggle with understanding the world around him during his disciple days, requiring the help of his shixiong to navigate his experience in the sect (and in life in general). Yin Yu himself ends up infantilizing Quan Yizhen, something that negatively affects both of them in the long run, by denying Quan Yizhen the opportunity to learn healthy coping mechanisms and strategies that would allow him to fit better in the world, or at least to get a better grasp of the expectations placed on him, so he could manage his behaviors in a different way.

I don’t mean that Quan Yizhen should have been forced to mask, or taught how to placate other people even when he doesn’t want to. Just that if the consequences of his attitude had been explained to him, he would have a better understanding (as a child) of what was expected of him, and why. That doesn’t mean he would have necessarily changed, but he would have a different understanding of his own actions, and how those affect other people. Because he wasn’t intending to hurt others or be inconsiderate on purpose!

But making constant exceptions for him and justifying all his actions was not helpful for him to understand other people, or social expectations, or how to interact with others in positive ways without being rejected, or even how to make himself understood by others.

Yin Yu refused to ask him to change, or even to admit that Quan Yizhen was annoying in some way. That refusal is not a bad thing in and of itself, but by shielding him in that manner, Quan Yizhen doesn’t have any incentive to grow as a person, leaving him stagnant when it comes to dealing with other people. Of course Yin Yu never intended for his attitude to be detrimental to Quan Yizhen! He himself was still very young when Quan Yizhen joined the sect, and clearly was not completely equipped for dealing with such a big responsibility. He still did his best, and all he did came from a deep love and acceptance of who his shidi was.

But that doesn’t erase the negative consequences of doing so, sadly :c

Now, let’s talk about some other things that Quan Yizhen is shown to struggle with during the novel:

Keeping himself clean, and dealing with his bodily needs:

“Yin Yu-shixiong, the way Quan Yizhen eats is unbearable! He sprays his rice everywhere at mealtimes, and he eats three times as much as everyone else! It’s like he’s a starving ghost or something. No one can eat well with him hogging the rice bucket like that!”

This clumsy way of eating can be related to things like dyspraxia, issues with proprioception, and a disconnection with his own body and needs — all common in neurodivergent people —.

Regarding his hunger: I myself tend to forget to eat and drink until I’m already starving and dehydrated. I genuinely won’t notice the signals my body is giving me. And with his intense focus on training, he definitely needed to eat a lot (especially at first, to compensate for his malnutrition after living in the streets, and then, to sustain his growth! He was just at that age where you start growing a lot!). Food insecurity is a very traumatic experience and it’s hard to grow out of it: not knowing when your next meal will be or if there will be enough food for you can cause reactions like the one he has.

Of course you could also say that this “it’s just from his upbringing in the streets”, but I do think it’s deeper and more interesting than that, given all the ways he’s shown to act during the novel.

Regulating his body and his emotions:

“That jerk never cooperates with others, and he’s so inconsiderate of everyone! He only cares about showing off and randomly throwing his fists around. I’d rather be paired with the weakest shidi than with him”

“He’s always so cranky in the mornings—I worry every day that he’ll kick me and break my ribs!”

Important to note that these are both outsider accounts of his behavior, coming from people who hate him. But even this can help us understand how he usually acts: i.e. I interpret that he doesn’t like relying on others, gives his best whenever he fights, and that is taken as being an inconsiderate showoff.

Also, he has trouble waking up and acts aggressively when his rest is interrupted, which may be explained by how tired he is everyday, both from training so intensely and from having to deal with other people who actively despise him + being constantly rejected. Those things pile up, and with how sleepy he is shown to be later, I headcanon him as someone who is suffering from constant autistic burnout later on.

Emotional regulation is a struggle for neurodivergent people in general, and autistic people also struggle with it. Some of us also have a deep disconnection with our own emotions, or have trouble naming them, distinguishing them or understanding them at all. Strong reactions like the one Quan Yizhen exhibited as a child when waking up are not uncommon (and since this account comes from the disciples who hate him, we just see one half of it. It wouldn’t be surprising if they routinely woke him up in a mean way)

Understanding social cues and hidden meanings:

Any normal person would’ve picked up on how forced the words were, but Quan Yizhen seemed to take them at face value.

This is a constant problem for many autistic people (including me). Being literal in our understanding of conversations and not realizing there’s another layer of meaning causes many problems. This can happen with serious topics, with jokes, and to be honest with any kind of interaction. It can be very humiliating sometimes. I routinely don’t realize people are not being serious about something and take a joke as a real statement and then go Oh. And I’m someone who grew up undiagnosed and with a constant need to mask + doing my best to understand other people, literally studying every interaction and making a constant effort about it. I still make many social blunders despite how much I care.

Quan Yizhen had no reason to not trust Yin Yu or look for second meanings in their interactions. Why would he doubt him? If no one points it out to you, it can be very hard or outright impossible to know that you did not understand.

Yin Yu found him both exasperating and a little funny. “What do you mean, it’s no big deal?! Why don’t you give it a try, then?”

Once again, Quan Yizhen took those words at face value, assumed Yin Yu actually wanted him to ascend, and then did exactly that in less than six months.

Accepting social rules and hierarchies, especially when those go against his own, strong sense of justice

Emphasis on accepting and not understanding. It’s not that autistic people don’t understand rules, it’s that frequently those rules don’t make sense to us and many times go against fairness; same thing with hierarchies. We see the rules, we understand what they mean, and then refuse to follow them, or to just accept them without pointing out the inconsistencies or injustices they represent.

“They cussed at me first. I don’t even know them. They said I was a low-ranking heavenly official and yelled at me for no reason, then they laughed at me and told me to scram and not to block their way. I told them to apologize, and they wouldn’t, so I beat them up. They only shut up when I beat them up, otherwise I wouldn’t have hit them.”

He told them to apologize before beating them up, and they didn’t, and only then he defended himself in the only way that ever worked. He is trying to behave in a way that doesn’t cause problems, but when they kept bullying him, he disregarded the rules he previously tried to comply with, and defended himself. Why should he place those rules above his own well being? And, by the way, let's remember that he's 19 at most here, he was constantly bullied by adult people. Whole ass grown adults picked on him, and he still managed to try to keep his composure and talk before getting to violence.

For the bullies, being a low ranking heavenly official meant that person was inherently beneath them. But for Quan Yizhen such hierarchy existing does not mean that he finds people higher up to be inherently more important or worthy.

“Are low-ranked heavenly officials beneath other people?” Quan Yizhen asked. “No,” Yin Yu replied. Was that true? It was obvious that he didn’t believe his own words, and Quan Yizhen noticed.

He asks Yin Yu — the person that has always helped him understand the ways of the world — to try to make sense of this situation. Maybe shixiong can explain. But Yin Yu falters, and when that happens, it’s when Quan Yizhen openly says that he doesn’t like the heavens. If those are the rules he’s supposed to follow and not even shixiong can make it right, it’s not worth it.

“He’s never one to take a beating without fighting back. It’s not that they don’t pick on anyone else, it’s that everyone else understands how to endure that kind of provocation, but he doesn’t.”

It’s not that he doesn’t understand! It’s that he won’t let others stomp all over him just because there’s some expectation of it based on some externally imposed hierarchy. It’s unfair, and therefore wrong, so he won’t stand by that.

Disclaimer before the next paragraph: justice is subjective, if you read the next thing in bad faith I will shoot a laser beam at you, etc. Anyways. Many autistic people report that they feel they have a strong sense of justice / high justice sensitivity, which is usually related to diagnostic criteria like “mental rigidity” and “black and white thinking”. And personally, I hate how diagnostic criteria are always focused on deficits. But this is not the place to discuss the semantics of it. Whatever the reasons for this justice sensitivity, it often results in conflicts coming from pointing out situations and attitudes that others would rather not, and from fighting back against the norm whenever there’s a perceived injustice being reinforced by norms or authorities. Emphasis on perceived injustice: again, justice is subjective. And also: autistic people can have shit moral takes and a skewed moral compass. I'm not saying that autistic people have flawless and objectively better sense of justice.

“I don’t know about any worshippers,” Quan Yizhen replied. “I’ve just been doing my own thing, and they came crowding into my temples for some weird reason. I killed a wolf yao the other day.”

This bit also shows how it’s quite evident that either: no one has explained to him how things are supposed to work in the Heavenly Court once you’ve ascended, or he’s deliberately ignoring those rules and expectations because those don’t make sense to him anyway. Especially if we consider how, not long ago, he was being mistreated and bullied constantly and then suddenly, as soon as he ascended, everyone treated him as if he was the best thing ever. Of course Quan Yizhen has no respect for such people and such arbitrary things!

The disregard for hierarchies doesn’t mean Quan Yizhen doesn’t understand them or is not aware that those exist. i.e. regarding the iconic scene where he throws a bed at Pei Ming, and in the words of another friend:

Pei Ming is an elder due to being so much older. Pei Ming is also a senior due to being a god much longer. Pei Ming is also someone of higher social status due to his number of followers.

And yet Quan Yizhen still threw a bed at his head.

I think Quan Yizhen definitely has a personal social hierarchy, but it's like... Yin Yu at the top, Xie Lian next, and then everybody else. Which Hua Cheng can totally relate to.

Paying attention to things outside of his own “narrow” interests

“Before, I could train at least sixteen hours a day. Now half of that time is taken up by talking and listening to nonsense, by greeting and visiting people.”

Whatever businesses he has to attend now (this is from his time as Yin Yu’s deputy) is nonsense in comparison with what he wishes to be doing. His only focus in life were martial arts and shixiong, basically, so having to pay attention to other things is difficult for him.

This was made worse by, again, his elders in the sect constant coddling and enabling: in the sect, he was allowed to skip lessons + Yin Yu’s soft spot for him prevented him from putting healthier boundaries in place. Who would not have difficulties with such an abrupt change in expectations? And even though he’s not enjoying it, he’s trying to do his best to do his job. He’s not constantly looking for conflicts, either: he’s picked on and outright bullied by other people, which is not the same at all.

And, by the way, autistic people tend to have trouble with changes in general, and unexpected ones are worse. Routines are important and help maintain a sense of safety: you know what to expect and have less chances to be unprepared to respond to the things happening around you — a source of anxiety for many autistic people, used to fucking up accidentally or ending up in the middle of some misunderstanding or Unwanted Situation (™) —.

Special interests and hyperfixations are not only an interest, by the way, but a source of comfort, recharging and safety for neurodivergent people. It’s not “a hobby” but something that helps us in many different ways.

Social communication, empathy, and understanding other people’s feelings

Yin Yu tried instead, “It’s…because ascension is really hard. Since it didn’t come easily and we finally made it here, I want to try to do better.” Quan Yizhen, however, didn’t think much of that reason. “Ascension isn’t that big of a deal! It doesn’t matter if you don’t ascend.”

This exchange is quite painful ;A; Quan Yizhen is being honest and blunt — yet another common trait for autistic people, who tend to have a straightforward and literal style of communication — and has no ill intentions, but of course, that doesn’t take into account his counterpart feelings.

Getting to understand other people’s feelings and developing empathy (be it in a cognitive or an emotional manner of understanding) can be difficult but it’s not impossible. Even if you’re unable to directly relate to someone emotionally, you can learn a lot about other people’s emotions and thoughts in an intellectual / cognitive way. But guess what: that requires practice, it doesn’t come for free, and it can also be very exhausting.

Empathy is also one of those spectrum things for autistic people: some will find it really hard to feel it and others experience such a hyper level of empathy that it’s hard to listen to traumatic stories or watch a sad commercial.

Quan Yizhen had no way to learn how to do that in between everyone else's constant rejections + Yin Yu’s refusal to be more honest about his own feelings (by that, I mean things like his annoyance, frustration, etc.)

Usually, constant rejection makes you either overcompensate a lot or close off completely. Hypervigilance of other people’s reactions and microexpressions, overanalyzing every interaction… Or just “not giving a fuck” (and suffer inside, because you, actually, do care)

Also, it’s important to understand that, during this interaction, Quan Yizhen was not trying to be dismissive about Yin Yu’s feelings on ascension: he’s just trying to say that Yin Yu was already special, with or without ascending. In the words of a friend, he wanted to encourage Yin Yu to throw off this burden that was not making him happy. As autistic I see no neglecting here, he truly cares about Yin Yu. But he didn't know that Yin Yu has different values, because Yin Yu didn't speak about that. What’s important to Quan Yizhen is Yin Yu’s happiness. Yin Yu doesn’t have to prove anything to Quan Yizhen: in his eyes, he’s already worthy. Ascension is not what makes him so great in his eyes. But Yin Yu does not think the same… and didn’t explain his reasons.

Again: none of this came out of malice or ill intentions. It’s just unfortunate miscommunication.

Quan Yizhen nodded. “Someone told me it was because they greeted you as the wrong person.” Yin Yu’s face dropped at this. But Quan Yizhen didn’t notice at all, his lips curving upward. “That’s too funny—so stupid!”

Yet another example of how easy it is to unintentionally hurt other people’s feelings because of this. And Yin Yu, once again (be it out of pride, exhaustion, resignation, frustration, a mix of all that maybe) won’t tell Quan Yizhen that his feelings were hurt. And thus, Quan Yizhen has no reason to change his behavior nor a chance to reflect on it!

Which is particularly sad, because the least he would want to do, ever, would be hurting Yin Yu.

“What is wrong with you?!” Yin Yu yelled. This was the very first time Quan Yizhen had seen Yin Yu so angry, and he blinked as confusion colored his face. A few heavenly officials who were passing by also snuck glances at them. [...] Quan Yizhen didn’t understand at all. He probably thought he had done a good deed. He had mentioned Yin Yu, and that was all. He didn’t think there could be problems beyond that. However, Yin Yu looked truly furious, and for the first time Quan Yizhen seemed to want to say something—but he stopped, looking like he didn’t dare. A moment later, he managed to mumble, “Shixiong, why are you mad? Did I do something wrong?”

To me, one of the most painful parts of QuanYin’s dynamic is that none of their issues with miscommunication are intentional nor come from ill will. Things progress to this extreme in their story out of love. Yin Yu was patient, protective and doting to the point he couldn’t correct Quan Yizhen when it would have been better to do so. And Quan Yizhen’s admiration, love and trust for his shixiong renders him blind to everything else, so he doesn’t realize that shixiong was hiding things from him until it’s too late.

He never intended to hurt Yin Yu, and since Yin Yu never pointed out that it was happening, he had no way to behave in a different way. If you don’t know you’re making a mistake, you cannot correct it!

He has no way to understand what it is that he did wrong, or why Yin Yu had distanced himself from him so much. He has no way to make sense of what’s happening, and it’s unfair to expect him to be able to do so without help, when all his life he was kept from being able to do so (even if it wasn’t with the intent of hurting him).

II. Ableism and mischaracterization

Several characters are guilty of treating Quan Yizhen in ableist ways (being condescending, infantilizing him, acting as if he was mentally challenged, etc). This, coupled with the way Quan Yizhen’s character is presented through the words of other characters or through rumors, makes it easier for people to misunderstand his character, or to take as truth some statements that are meant to be contested as we get to know more about him and his backstory.

Some examples of the ableist treatment he gets:

During his time at the sect, his fellow disciples and notoriously, Jian Yu, spoke of him as if he was brainless or insane:

Jian Yu said. “So what if he ascended? His brain won’t get any smarter no matter how many centuries he lives.”

Another example, this time coming from Pei Ming:

“...” Pei Ming’s expression seemed to indicate that he couldn’t be bothered with children, and he turned to Xie Lian.

And also from other characters:

Quan Yizhen was suddenly filled with awe and respect. “So he really was borrowing spiritual power just now! He got stronger so fast.” “Complete bullshit. What do you know—” Mu Qing couldn’t help but exclaim, but he quickly stopped himself and forcibly changed his tune, likely deciding there was no need to explain this to a man-child like Quan Yizhen. “Yes, that’s right, he was borrowing spiritual power.” Pei Ming laughed heartily. “That’s right, indeed. But you can’t borrow spiritual power like that so casually. Understand, Qi Ying?” Feng Xin gaped. “What are you all saying?! Do you actually believe him?!”

This particular instance is hilarious, considering how quickly Quan Yizhen understands what’s happening, while the others insist he’s wrong or keep treating him as if he was a child.

Even from Jun Wu:

“It is because his mind is simple—he is ignorant and foolish, blunt and savage, and incapable of earning anyone’s respect.”

There’s a comment that Pei Ming makes that’s not directed at Quan Yizhen, but that’s interesting in the overall context of how the term “normal” is used along the novel, and how anything outside of the norm is seen as negative:

Pei Ming lowered his voice. “Where there is abnormality, there is evil. Everyone, be careful.”

And in regards to being “normal”, a friend made a comment to me that sums up a lot of the struggles autistic people have to endure: They tell me to be normal, but they don’t explain to me how to do it. Which is also something Quan Yizhen experiences along the story: people demand of him to act differently, but no one has the patience to try to explain things to him! More words coming from the same friend: "Autistics try to copy the behavior of others like colorblind chameleons, but they get it wrong." I bet those words would resonate with many others. I know they resonate with my own experience u.u

On a different note: the play related to Quan Yizhen and Yin Yu, that was shown during the banquet for the Mid-Autumn Festival, was clearly not humorous and very uncomfortable and humiliating for Quan Yizhen to watch, while the ones played for other Officials were mostly sexual jokes (also uncomfortable, but not outright hurtful and cruel towards them.) And many of the ones attending the banquet were laughing hysterically at this display, even when Quan Yizhen was so clearly having a bad time, and trying to not lose control. Again, he’s not one to just jump into violence with complete lack of self control!

Another suspicious instance is the lack of a trial previous to Yin Yu’s banishment, which means Quan Yizhen never got "justice" for the terrible crime "committed" against him (quotes, because we know the truth of what happened, but of course the other Officials didn't). I believe part of the reason there wasn't a trial is probably ableism towards Quan Yizhen, and no one really caring that much beyond the drama of the situation.

Going to the start of this section, some of the descriptions along the novel portray him as a “simple minded fool”, “obsessed”, and incapable of complex thinking. But this is all disproved by getting to know his backstory and his personality. There are reasons for his actions, an explanation for how he’s still looking for his shixiong and defending his honor, and evidence of how smart he actually is. As with many other characters in MXTX novels, you’re supposed to build your own perspective by doubting the rumors and the slander and piecing together the evidence on your own. Some examples of this:

In some of his first descriptions it is stated that he beats up his own followers, in a way that seems to be him not caring about them, but when you have more context it is because those followers portray Yin Yu in an inaccurate and disrespectful way. He’s not constantly beating up all his followers, and much less doing so for no reason at all! And again, we see how he has a strong base of believers, which proves that he actually does his job as a god, otherwise, he would not be ranked in the top ten!

People assume he is "a simple minded fool" in how he dedicates himself to his shixiong even when his shixiong "betrayed him". But actually this is because he can understand how multifaceted his shixiong is so there must be some explanation, which is a more nuanced way of thinking than "someone did a bad thing so they are only bad" or "someone did something good so they are only good". I would argue it is that exact black and white thinking that is the problem with how heaven and the ghost realms are dealt with in the story before the truth is all unraveled, but Quan Yizhen questions this more than the average character in the novel.

III. On the fun, cute and positive sides of his character (and how many of them relate to autism)

I have a deep love for Quan Yizhen as a character. Even if I don’t think his characterization was intentionally written as autistic, I do believe he must be inspired on someone who is: there’s too many elements in how he’s written that scream autism/neurodivergence, and I love writing him in my fics because it gives me a chance to turn all those small details into something even deeper.

One of my favorite things about Quan Yizhen is his sense of childish wonder. We get to see this side of him in scenes like the iconic golden skeleton steplitter, or how he’s happily catching frogs and climbing trees in Puqi Shrine. Many people use this fact to argue that he’s actually a man-child, and it makes me so sad to see it. I have several friends who enjoy frogs and nature very much, one of them I’m sure actually spends part of her time actively looking for frogs. They’re also what society would deem “functional adults”, with “respectable jobs” and a “normal life.” Finding joy in the simple things shouldn’t automatically be equated with being a child. And imo, it’s quite healthy to be able to be excited about nature, beauty, or silly things. I also think it’s criminal that Quan Yizhen was not allowed in the steplitter. Only crime that Hua Cheng ever committed uwu (for legal reasons, this is a joke)

Another important element of Quan Yizhen as a character is how he repays the kindness of those who treat him well. We see how after Xie Lian helps him during the Mid-Autumn Festival, he fills the donation box in Puqi Shrine with gold ingots. My headcanon to explain this (yes I have headcanons for everything and I’m not sorry) is that Yin Yu must have taught him that "A favor of a drop of water should be repaid with a surging spring" and Quan Yizhen never forgot about it.

This also can be tied with the iconic bed throwing scene, that shows us more of how grateful he is to Xie Lian and how loyal he is. When he bonds with someone, it’s in a strong and long-term way. He’s not shy about his love and appreciation. And in this case, even if he had known Xie Lian for a short time, he already had judged his character and decided he liked him a lot, and so, he was going to help him whenever he needed his help. And I love how in this scene, Quan Yizhen just waved him away XD Like, I got you bro, go do your thing, no need to explain, I got this. And let’s not forget the fact that… they break into his palace AND Pei Ming is ordering him around as if he wasn’t his equal! (I already delved into Pei Ming's treatment of him previously so I will not repeat myself here)

He’s straightforward and honest, two traits that I already mentioned before that can be a bit of a struggle for autistic people when we have to communicate with others. (And no, this doesn't mean that he cannot lie or that autistic people cannot lie, btw. A shame that I feel the need to clarify this ugh.) He says what he thinks, and doesn't mince his words. Something that, during his time in the sect, probably added to the many other reasons people bullied him; while he was Yin Yu’s deputy, meant that he was constantly in trouble, and as a Heavenly Official, makes him an outlier and keeps him isolated. In Jun Wu’s (horrible) words:

“Why is Qi Ying now alone in the Upper Court, with neither aid nor support? It is because his mind is simple—he is ignorant and foolish, blunt and savage, and incapable of earning anyone’s respect.”

His honesty is a double-edged sword: he’s true to himself and he gives the impression of not caring about what other people think of him, but that’s simply not true. It was shown to us while he was still a disciple:

Quan Yizhen was perched on the windowsill. His head drooped. (...) Quan Yizhen suddenly asked, “Shixiong, am I annoying?”

And his reaction during the humiliating moment he suffered at the Mid-Autumn Banquet attest to it too, in my opinion. I don’t think his reaction comes solely because he’s mad about his shixiong’s name being sullied again. This comes from me as an autistic person who has suffered bullying all their fucking life: no matter how much time passes, it hurts. No matter how well you cope, it hurts. It leaves a mark. Whether you defend yourself or not, whether you endure or go away, it’s something that changes you deeply. Isolation hurts. And autistic loneliness hurts even deeper.

Another thing that I love about him is how analytical and observant he is, even from a very young age! This is shown in how he is able to replicate the sects martial arts by observation without being instructed:

Yin Yu stood, thoughtful for a moment. “That’s an attack stance from our sect. Who taught you?” (...) “And that throwing posture also came from our sect. Did you climb the walls to spy and learn in secret every day…?”

Even how he is able to catch frogs: I imagine him analyzing their movements in order to be able to catch them before they can escape.

This is also tied to how talented he is: he’s a strong martial artist who ascended as a martial god. But it’s not because of his talent only that he got to ascend. It’s because of his dedication and devotion to his craft, something that Xie Lian himself recognized and related to!

Even though everyone else thought Quan Yizhen was an insane child, Xie Lian felt like he could relate. An obsession like this was necessary to achieve godhood. A person who could understand this feeling of obsession had potential; they had a chance, even if slim. Those who couldn’t understand—who would only mock and jeer these “insane idiots”—had no hope of walking this path from the very start.

He is indeed naturally gifted, but also dedicated enough to perfect those talents.

“Before, I could train at least sixteen hours a day (...)”

Martial arts are the one thing that he pays complete attention to… along with Yin Yu. I believe that Quan Yizhen remembers every single thing Yin Yu has ever told him or taught him, that he treasures every single one of those memories. And with how gifted he is, I love to headcanon that he actually has eidetic memory, which coupled with his analytical nature, would help him when training on his own, before he arrived to the sect.

Now that Xie Lian thought about it, Quan Yizhen would be extremely familiar with Yin Yu’s habit of pacing while thinking, the way he spoke, and his strength when he struck. Perhaps he already knew who was behind the mask the moment Yin Yu’s shovel swung down. But it was inconceivable that Quan Yizhen even understood how to deceive someone—who would’ve thought they’d ever see the day? It was the simplest of tricks, but when he used it, it was completely unexpected. No one was prepared.

I adore this moment. Just another small moment that shows us he is perfectly capable of very normal things. Like deceiving someone with a silly trick. But people keep acting as if he was wholly unable of complex thought! People just constantly underestimate him.

Another example of how cool he is:

As they sailed, Quan Yizhen perched on his heels on the ship’s railing, maintaining the high-difficulty position with ease. Suddenly, he asked a question. “There’s a black island ahead. Is that the one?”

I’m so proud of him :’D

Quan Yizhen is also more attentive than people give him credit for. People think he doesn’t pay attention to the spiritual communication array ever, but he does! He just has a tendency to ignore it out of disinterest, but he actually pays attention to what’s happening there:

“It’s amazing that anyone showed up at all,” Quan Yizhen said. “When they heard it was to save you, suddenly no one had time.”

Even if he doesn’t interact with too many people and is mostly isolated from the rest of the Heavenly Court (from all the reasons we have already discussed), he’s not ignorant of what’s happening around him. And because he doesn't say everything he thinks out loud, and does not use the same body language that other people use, he ends up being misinterpreted. I think of the brocade immortal introduction:

“Your Highness Qi Ying? Your Highness? Are you listening?” Xie Lian reached out and waved his hand in front of Quan Yizhen. Quan Yizhen seemed to have spaced out, and only then did his spirit return to this body. “Oh.” It would appear he wasn’t listening, but it wasn’t Xie Lian’s place to say much about that kind of behavior. Instead, he said, “So our current main priority is to find the brocade robe, I suppose? Its original form is…” “A sleeveless, headless, sack-like robe stained with blood,” Quan Yizhen finished the statement.

Xie Lian believed that Quan Yizhen was not paying attention, when he actually was, but since he was not using the “right” body language, Xie Lian did not notice and started overexplaining.

Having difficulties with body language and emoting it’s also a common autistic struggle. Not looking at the other person’s face/eyes, not making the “right” facial expressions at the “right” time, moving our bodies too much/not enough… Things that other people tend to misinterpret as disinterest, disrespect or outright rudeness, when it’s just a simple difference in how we communicate, that isn’t hiding any ill intentions! I cannot look at people’s eyes without feeling wildly uncomfortable, for example. Some people feel deeply offended by that, so I have trained myself to appear as if I’m looking at them but I’m not actually doing so. People sometimes think I’m bored because I move too much or play with things in my hands while we talk, but it’s just that I need the constant stimming to feel comfortable or I would implode. And those are my needs: other people have different ones (just like Quan Yizhen!)

And this is leaving behind the most obvious thing: he’s most likely dissociating heavily because of how the Brocade Immortal is tied to the most traumatic experience in his whole life. Which adds to the cruelty on Jun Wu’s part sending him to deal with this.

Two other examples of this (which I find quite humorous btw):

Xie Lian inclined his head to greet him. Quan Yizhen didn’t understand that he should return the courtesy, but Xie Lian hardly minded.

and

Seated next to Xie Lian was a young man of eighteen or nineteen; his nose was tall, his brows deep, and his raven hair slightly curly. Xie Lian didn’t know him, and the young man didn’t know Xie Lian, so they both felt a little lost as they stared at each other. The awkward staring contest ended after Xie Lian offered a random greeting.

The staring contest makes me laugh so much XD It’s such a silly moment, and though I won’t go into it here, I do believe Xie Lian is also very neurodivergent and that they would have a great time together as friends, both from shared interests and because he would not need to keep any pretenses c:

Finally, I love how deeply devoted Quan Yizhen is. When he loves something, he does so with all his heart. This was valid for martial arts in the first place, and then, for shixiong. And no matter if we go for a filial or a romantic interpretation (you all know I ship them and I’m insane about them, but that’s not relevant to the point I’m making) it’s still true that he was determined to get to know the truth and to understand what happened. Some people may see him as someone who’s obsessed (negative), but in my opinion, that’s not what it is at all.

He just cares. He cares about Yin Yu, he knows him, he knows that something is missing, and he will not rest until he finds Yin Yu again and they have that pending conversation, and he can apologize for the things he did wrong. and maybe have shixiong back in his life. All his persistence comes from a place of love and care; of realizing that Yin Yu’s true, honest feelings were much more complicated than he ever knew, and wanting deeply to understand.

And he tried his best to always honor the things Yin Yu taught him, and to be good. To make him proud. Even after Yin Yu died: instead of giving up and letting himself crumble, he kept fighting, helped in the battle against Jun Wu until he just couldn’t keep going, did his best to save people even when basically no one up there ever gave a shit about him or helped him at all.

Which brings me to my final comment about Quan Yizhen as a character. He’s strong, dedicated, persistent, fierce and passionate. He has deep convictions. He’s someone who wants to understand the world around him, who looks at it with eyes bright and open, that even after more than two centuries and so much suffering and rejection, still opens his heart to find beauty in the small things. Someone who others will call a brute and a fool, but deep inside his heart just wants to understand and be understood.

#tgcf meta #tgcf #quan yizhen #qi ying #yes i AM obsessed with quan yizhen #we already know that #i've always said that i aspire to be autistic quan yizhen ceo #so this is my ode to autistic quan yizhen #and my defense of him as a character #because he's an amazing and complex character #he's not a simpleton or a fool #and i wish more people could see it!#if anyone read this thing through the end: thank you #and of course i'm open to comments and thoughts #as long as you're polite #keep in mind that i'm a very anxious being #a tiny trembling anxious autistic hamster #sharing this is a Big Thing for me #should i post this to ao3?

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traumawhomst · 2 months ago

Text

Hero Yandere/ Villain Reader

Heroes should be flexible with their morals and if not that then their plans. The plan had been to take you to prison lock you away from the public where you couldn’t harm anyone. But, well you looked so tiny in the rumble, body battered and bloodied. Really you looked like someone in over their head, really it was surprising that you’d gotten this far.

He stood over you watching your eyes focus and unfocus as your brain tried to process the pain, the screaming, the smell of smoke and burning garbage. You didn’t look like you’d even make it through the night with your injuries. Not with the type of care villains got. You’d be permanently disabled even if you did make it through the night. So he shredded any identifiable parts of your villain outfit and took you to the Hero’s headquarters.

The medical staff knew better than to ask the hero why he’d brought it a ‘civilian’ to be treated and he asked if that mattered when they were actively dying. He watched silently as the began to patch you with supplies that cost more than a house.

He couldn’t let you go after that, all of the time and energy put into saving you, just to rot in prison? No that’d be a waste.

He’d rehabilitate you, make you into the perfect sidekick ready to aid support when needed. But that would be difficult, because he didn’t know you yet past your villainy. Not to mention you’d be so fragile for at least six months, what if you tried escaping or attacking him? Again all that time and money wasted.

His solution was temporary. He’d have one of the telepathic Heroes just create a block on your memories, you wouldn’t remember any of your past villainess intent or motivation. Just to give you time to rest and for him to get to know you. Understand how your mind worked, no one was born bring evil and he was sure he could make you see the light of you gave him a chance. He was just making sure he had the chance.

You woke up in an extremely nice apartment that belonged to most powerful Heroes on this side of the earth with no memories whatsoever. He explained you were a college student, with no family who’d almost been a civilian casualty before he saved you. He’d felt so bad about almost killing you that he personally wanted to see to your recovery.

It was hard to doubt him, but when he had your student ID and years of documentation of your unremarkable life. Still something poked at you, you couldn’t quite put it together yet. Maybe it was the way the nurses looked at him like he was a ticking time bomb. Or the way he shot down every attempt to leave his apartment but either way you were suspicious.

He on the other hand, well he kind of found it adorable if he was honest. Even with your memories locked away you still found some opposition in you, it was charming. The way he placated you was with tools and building supplies, he told you your major was engineering and you seemed to retain a good number of skills even if you didn’t remember how you got them. He’d come home to find you perched working on some gadget completely engrossed for hours.

He found that it was pleasant to have someone to come home to. While he never discussed ‘work’ with you he was happy to chat about little bits of unremarkable news and gossip. While you treated him with suspicion you were also one of the few people who weren’t completely scared of him, it made him feel normal. He also got to practice his homemaking, cooking for you, making his apartment something more than somewhere he slept and showered.

And then his bosses reminded him the entire point of him taking you in was to ‘rehabilitate’ you so they’d have another sidekick. It had only been a few months but he completely did a 180 and said that there was no way you could be a sidekick. You didn’t even have powers! In fact even when you were being a ‘villain’ (he really can’t think of you like that anymore, you were just a kid who got in over their head) you were mainly making weapons, traps, bombs ect. for Villains, really his and your path shouldn’t have crossed. So he compromised and said when you were fully healed then maybe you could start working in the Heroes’ lab and that’d be good enough.

You on the other hand were fully engrossed with trying to prove that something was up with him. You’d be in his care for months and he only let you out to walk in the apartment’s roof garden fully supervised with him. You spent your time trying to make camera and microphone sensors, (you’d tried looking but there was only so much you could do without tearing the apartment to shreds). You couldn’t prove it but every time you tried to escape during while he was gone he’d be extra smothering for the following two weeks.

Another few months passed and you were starting to climb the walls. His reassurance that yes your memories would return, was starting to become more grating each day. You were sick of waiting, sick of living in a place you didn’t know with a person who was more of a jailer than anything.

He and his 'superiors' came to a compromise. You wouldn't be going into field work. No, you be safely tucked away in the base laboratory and engineering wing where you efforts would be utilized and your well being assured. Only a few days a week to start of course, but finally you were able to leave the house on a regular basis.

The ended up strengthening your guys relationship. He was always more than happy to talk about your latest projects, taking your work seriously as your colleagues did. He also made sure to regularly bring you lunch and check in, which before felt suffocating now felt well thought as you had a habit of working for hours on end so focused you forgot to eat. Maybe his attention wasn't as smothering as it felt, maybe you had just been a little stir crazy. You had been really injured after all.

But then you had an odd occurrence at work. You'd gotten used to seeing the odd hero or superhero either in the halls or very occasionally in your part of the building. You'd actually met most of the A list hero's that knew your caretaker, most of them filtered down to get a look at what was consuming so much of his time. You'd gotten used to it.

But one day as you on your way to the cafeteria, a hero brushes you in the hallway and it almost...stings. You brushed it off at the time but after, very slowly your started to get pieces of your memories. It started off with childhood stuff, riding a bike, show and tell, one of you're parents fighting. But you also got other flashes that didn't match up with what was told at all.

Neither you or your super hero knew was that the telepathic hero who'd put the block on your memories in the first place had been growing more and more upset with his own part in it. He'd really believed that it was just supposed to be for a short while and you'd be allowed to live out your life. But the months kept passing, and now he could see you getting closer to the superhero and it was driving him mad. So he broke the seal as gently as he could. He didn't want to overwhelm you so he made the come back slowly. He just hoped that you'd be smart enough not to tell your 'savior' when the came.

Which you didn't, and by the end of the week you remembered everything. You remembered your real life, you dropping out of college to make weapons for villains, your last few years constantly breaking the law. But maybe the worst one was a memory of being grabbed before being thrown through a wall by an all too familiar face.

You'd barely hid all of this from him. Anger and an infuriating sense of hurt that was always just under the surface. You resented the life he'd tried to lie and say was yours, some bright face college kid from a wholesome family in a small town, you wanted to help people, none of it was true. And you hated him for giving you that false sense of security. But most of all you wanted your old life back.

Was it a good life? No it hadn't been, constantly dealing with money issues, injuries from engineering, dealing the shitty villain politics no it wasn't a fun life, but it had been yours and you'd built it with your own grimy hands and you'd be damned if you let it be so easily taken.

You escaped using the built trust and made your way to your old apartment. Not the cute studio near the college filled with plants and textbooks he'd shown you once. No, the shitty two bedroom with a mouse problem, the one with oil stains, and all your beat up tools that you hoarded. You'd only recently remembered it but you desperately needed to go back. To prove that you weren't the person he was trying to build.

You climbed up the fire exit, like you'd done a hundred times before before stopping at your window.

It was completely empty. Stripped of everything you'd spent the last few years built. No clothes, no furniture, no tools, no creations, no personal effects. Like it never existed. Like you never existed.

That’s were He found you, broken on the fire escape just staring at an empty apartment. You demanded answers, why he did any of it.

The worst part was how unfazed he was about your growing distress, he just stood as you ranted about how deranged he was, how he couldn’t just erase you, change your name and take you home like you were a pound dog.

Take you from what? Was his response. From villains who hadn’t cared that you almost died? From the never ending cycle of bills, payment and bills again? From your lack of a social life, no friends, no family, and a future that was going to end poorly no matter what you’d done? That was everything he’d ’took’ from you.

This was a chance to have a better life, a good life, and it was just as real as your old life.

When he was done he handed you your ID he’d given you when you first woke up. The address was unfamiliar but he promised that all of your most important items were there, waiting for you. It wouldn’t be everything of course, the agency had swept up anything too dangerous but the rest was there waiting for you. You just had to leave an empty apartment behind.

#platonic yandere #yandere oc x reader #yandere oc #yandere x gn reader #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere adoptive dad #yandere platonic #yandere father #I’m leaving the ending open incase I want to do more with this but yeah #safe to say the telepathic hero ‘retired early’ when Superhero found out #idk how I feel about this one I might have to go back and rewrite it but for now it’s finished #as per usual #let me know about any typos please and thank

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