#mulder and scully are little freaks | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mulders-too-large-shirt · 30 days ago

Text

s8 episode 13 “per manum” thoughts

guys... it is per manum time.

i’m SHAKING over here, omfgggg. i’m ready. but also, and in a very real sense, i am NOT.

so, i know a little bit about what happens in this episode… but not much. i’m excited and nervous and a bunch of other things.

i’m curious to see if doggett will be here today, or if he got the day off after so many scully absences

let’s GO! i’m ready to CRY!!!

(post-episode thoughts: Y'ALL... this might be my longest post yet. if it isn't, it is definitely up there in a place of honor, like second or third.

so, i pinpointed the exact moment i fell in love with doggett, because anyone who wants to save scully is absolutely swoon-worthy to me. GOD, his loyalty... and then i fell MORE in love with him at the last scene over how gentle he was. god. oh my god. i'm down bad for a guy named john.

there is SO much to unpack here, and i will do my very best. but just... i'm crying. i love them. i want them to all be happy.

i was so SAD!!! because scully and doggett were both upset, and doggett didn't know why she was acting like that, and he seemed really hurt because the truth is very important to him, and scully was SUFFERING AGAIN, OH MY GOD???? WHEN DOES SHE GET REST?! in the present day AND IN THE FLASHBACK SCENES!!!! which i ALSO HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT!!

but in the end, the big secret i was wondering how long would last was disclosed, even if terrifying new possibilities were raised (and if the plot is... confusing). and now, hopefully they can understand each other better and be partners with full trust in each other...

except, she might still be going MIA for a bit, so who even knows if they will get a CHANCE to be proper trusting partners? and even if they are, it will still hurt because he isn't mulder... *breaks down in sobs again*

she just wanted it to be okay. and then her... the way she... and he... gestures vaguely and cries more.

i need to just get started or i'll begin analyzing the whole episode before i even under the "read more" line. wow... a lot to say. genuinely tearing up, it isn't even hyperbole. they fucked me up with this one)

we begin with a “previously, on the x files…”, which means shit is gonna go DOWN

so let us begin with the uncomfortable recap of scully’s abduction arc and the rows of human ova. yeah. it still icks me tf out. i’ll have to write a think piece on that someday. and mulder plucking hers up.

and crying scully telling skinner that the impossible has happened!!

yes, yes, i remember all of this.

okay. now some other lady is giving birth. this feels intimate. i’m not sure i’m supposed to be seeing all of this.

oh god, i’m gonna have to watch scully do this at some point…

LMAO, girl... i think you’re past the point of starting over tomorrow, kath.

(reminds me of that time one of my teachers in high school told me she was screaming about not wanting to do this anymore while in labor. and i was like yeah, dawg, i am not doing that shit. why did she tell me that? we were in geometry)

okay, um, where were we?

the nurse is checking, the monitor is going sicko mode, and the doctor comes in and click click clicks on the computer. and declares there must be an emergency c section! she’s freaking out! naturally!! she doesn’t know wtf is wrong!

he says they’ll take care of it.

the father of the baby (named duffy) leaves for a second to scrub up, but the doctors LOCK THE DOOR ON HIM. guys, that is NOT COOL, you said he could be there???

needles needles, no, no, no, ma’am... she’s begging them not to let anything happen

EAUGHHHHH, i don’t wanna see the surgery... no no no nooooo nooo la la la, i don’t like it, nooo

she says she can’t feel anything and something must be wrong and i am lightheaded. woohooooo. okay. okay. hang in there, hang the fuck in there.

girl, i can’t look, why is there squirming... she wants to seeeeee

they take the baby out, but it’s not normal, like it’s weird... but okay, a lot of babies are weird.

oh. it sounds like a goat though. that isn’t super normal, i don’t think, but what do i know?

ohhhh, it is an alien, okay, yeah. well. that’ll do it

she wanted her husband back!!

damn. alien baby. fucked up.

reading my notes back like that is actually super funny. let us take deep and calming breaths as the theme music relaxes us.

intro time. our boy mulder is here today, EVERYBODY CHEER!

still taking deep breaths. paranormal activity. scully serve. baby. moon. mulder falling. eyeball. truth is out there. let’s get fucking going!!!!

we open with an ultrasound photo! scully seeing the baby!! trying to judge if she is showing yet. don’t worry girl, you've got a little bit more time before you have to tell people, lmao. but you're cutting it close.

GOD, i cannot believe she is gonna have a baby... i’m gonna CRY.

she’s staring in the mirror. trying not to tear up. i'm in pain.

goes down to her office. and down there is duffy! the husband from before! who was having an appointment with doggett!!

oh no, he says he knows her. is he going to spill everything…?

oh, he contacted her 8 years ago. yeah, so that actually was not her he spoke with, then. he talked to mulder about his wife being abducted by aliens. but now she is dead.

he just keeps saying she is dead, she is dead, she gave birth to an alien. doggett confirms that he did write to mulder years ago. doggett is watching her. she asks him to start from the beginning. they sit down.

kath was a multiple abductee. one procedure would give her cancer, another would cure her. close up on scully’s face. continued closeup as he says they implanted an alien embryo in kath.

she asks for medical proof, and he passes an ultrasound, saying that anyone with a trained eye can see it is weird. especially for a woman who was never supposed to be able to conceive.

it looks blurry to me, but that’s about it? again, what do i know.

he says they’ve gone through 3 sets of doctors. they killed his wife and stole her alien baby. doggett is still watching.

scully says they’ll be in touch and seems very thrown off.

OH GOD. things are tense:

“thank you, agent doggett. i’m sure the rest of my afternoon can’t possibly be so amusing”

“i thought you’d find it interesting, actually” he sits down.

“interesting? as in preposterous and outrageous?”

“well, unless i’m mistaken, you already knew that man’s story”

she looks confused

“the abduction, the tests, a bout with cancer, then a remission”

“what exactly are you getting at?” she walks closer

oh my god, my blood is running COLD

“that’s your story, agent scully. i’d say right down to a tee”

DON’T ATTACK HIM SCULLY, HE DOESN’T KNOWWWW... there are tears in her eyes and her mouth is open

“i mean, except for the pregnancy” she keeps staring. “it’s all right there in the x files”

he seems confused and she seems confused we are all confused. she turns to stare at the files. yeah, he did read 'em all. and he just wanted to HELPPPPPP, MY GOD....

“well, i appreciate your thoroughness, agent doggett, and your familiarity with the x files cases in those cabinets, but my personal files are my personal files, okay?”

she’s barely holding back tears now. “sure, of course" he shakes his head as she walks away, absentmindedly walking into an elevator.

and then this must be a flashback, because mulder is here! he has been looking for her all over!

she had a doctor’s appointment and he immediately clocks something is wrong. even if she says nothing is the matter.

“i’m… i’m sorry, i haven’t told you, i don’t know why i haven’t. i mean you were… you were always there for me during my illness, but, um…”

i’m holding my breath over here.

he leans in. “don’t make me guess” <- is he worried she’s sick again?

she tells him she cannot conceive “and i am not ready to accept that i will never have children”

wait, he knew that though, right? because he had her damn ova. and didn’t they talk about it after emily?

oh WHAT? well, he says there’s something he hasn’t told her either… “i hope you forgive me and understand why i would have kept it from you”

ohhh no... now he has to tell her.

I COULD HAVE SWORN THIS ALREADY HAPPENED THOUGH?? am i crazy? can someone please let me know. tysm.

well, she is obviously gagged that first of all, he broke into a facility and FOUND them, and also that he didn’t tell her, but she was dying at the time, and he didn’t want to give her more bad news!!

and it was bad news... because the doctor said they weren’t viable. she pushes the elevator button. she wants a second opinion. it closes most of the way. he tries to open it. they lock eyes and he lets her go.

GOD, the way she looks at him trying to hold the doors open and then shakes her head a little and looks away… and he lets her go. FUCK ME.

back in our time, doggett runs into scully, who is standing in the corner of the elevator looking incredibly out of it. “agent scully? what are you doing?”

“um, i don’t know. i guess i just forgot to push the button” <- ohhhh, poor thing. she was just sitting in there. terrified.

and now he opens the elevator! “i wasn’t exactly clear on what you wanted to do about this guy haskell. about his wife’s story”

“there’s nothing to do”.

he nods, and lets the door shut

oh GOD, this is CRAZY already. i need a sip of water.

scully is off to the genetics company that made the ultrasound for kath.

it seems to be totally empty. but she hears faint voices. knocks on a door. hears someone screaming that she is afraid. a doctor is talking to ms. hendershot….

it’s the doctor we saw before!! at the start of the episode!! from the emergency c section alien baby! saying it is different, and he would know, because he knows both cases!

scully is peeking in and then runs away. hides in a closet FILLED WITH WEIRD BABY CORPSES PRESERVED IN FLUID?? oh my fucking GOD, get her out of here???? literally WALL TO WALL FUCKED UP BABY CORPSES.

she investigates…… holds her head up next to the cases.

THE DOCTOR WALKS IN!! poor scully is on the SPOT!! she says she is here with her friend and worried!!! and i love that she cannot lie to save her life.

he tells her ms. hendershot is fine. and that she can’t be back here. no one mentions the giant closet of dead babies. pretty large elephant in the room.

she gets home. calls the number on her ultrasound.

she calls dr. parenti, and tells him she is afraid. asks him to compare an ultrasound to hers. he’s not in his office. IS HE PLOTTING SOMETHING WITH THE OTHER GUY??

“dana… are you going to be okay?” she says she’ll be okay. not sure i'm buying it, though.

THIS PARENTI FUCKER IS IN THE BABY CORPSE ROOM!!!!! unboxing an alien baby!!!!!! another one???

guys…. we need to do something now.

okay, flashback to months ago now: her meeting dr. parenti. he tells her that there is a chance. and she FALLS DOWN, saying it is too good to be true.

scully, my baby...

he says the odds are good if they start soon, and she wants to know if they can start right away. he says, well... you do need a father. did you have a donor in mind? and SHE DOES, SHE JUST NEEDS TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO ASK HIM, OH MY GOD??

back to the current time period. she is really beautiful. dr. parenti says the ultrasound looks fine to him. “why do you ask that?” <- YOU KNOW, YOU FUCKER!

she thanks him. and as he leaves he SAYS SHE HAS TO TELL THE FBI AT SOME POINT, LMAOOOO, OH GOD. HE CALLED HER ASS OUT: “can’t keep it a secret forever, dana”

she does not wanna think about all that, LMAO, her face. but i can't laugh too hard, because i know this parenti fucker is up to evil.

OH GOD, DOGGETT GOT A CALL IN THE OFFICE FROM DR. PARENTI ABOUT AN ULTRASOUND... OH MY GOD, SHE SAYS IT WAS HERS….? HE IS LIKE "COME ON SCULLY, THAT WAS ONE OF THE DOCTORS THE HASKELLS WENT TO"

oh my GOD, i just watched that scene and i was not breathing:

“excuse me, agent doggett, but are you investigating me?”

“no, i was doing a background check on mr. and mrs. haskell before i dropped the case, like you asked me to”

“no, i didn’t ask you to drop the case. i said there was nothing to do”

“well, if there’s nothing to do, then why are you investigating?”

“you are jumping to conclusions”

“no, i’m just trying to do my job, only it gets hard to do if the person you’re working with is keeping secrets and telling lies” <- DAMN!!!!

cut her some slack, bro... she’s in a tough place :(((((

she gets close to him. “i am not investigating these people, agent doggett. parenti is my doctor. is that so strange?”

we see him thinking….

so like…. is he putting it together? because she said there was an ultrasound… some people get those all the time, i guess it doesn't have to mean anything…

did the doctor leave a message or just talk to doggett? because that has to be a hippa violation.

lmao. he called her a liar, though. there is something sickly funny about that in these circumstances. she IS lying. and she IS bad at it.

“is there something about him i don’t know?” her concern seems legitimate.

“no. but duffy haskell is a piece of work, i’ll tell you that much”

a class act in conflict de-escalation.

we’re actually just taking the conflict elsewhere, because duffy is now with doggett and scully in skinner’s office!! he was sending mulder threatening letters as president of MUFON ohio. he wrote to dr. lev saying he would kill her if he hurt his wife. which he says did happen; dr. lev “stole the alien baby out of her womb” <- well. this isn’t making you sound less crazy, man.

scully is making this face, lmaoooo

doggett is like well, i can’t even find any documentation that you were married, let alone that dr. lev is in any way suspicious. something sickly funny again about him calling him a liar. he said that alien baby was out of wedlock.

skinner says it’s a crime to threaten anyone. haskell turns to scully and asks if she believes him. turns to scully again. says there are other women out there just like kath.

they all look at each other.

haskell leaves, calling someone on his phone. HE CALLS DR. LEV?? reports that they poked holes in his story. which dr. lev tells him they knew would happen. says they’re still risking losing hendershot. “then it’s time to let her go” CUT SCENE TO MORE CREEPY ALIEN BABY WITH DR. LEV??

WHO IS THIS DUFFY GUY.....?

scully comes home….

resting her hand on her abdomen. someone knocks at the door. jump back in time. it’s mulder. she welcomes him in; asks to take his coat. OH, she’s nervous. he can’t stay. he has to get back to the office.

OH, she already asked him, so she’s making him answer now. “it’s not something i get asked to do every day”, he says. she’s scared.

“look, if… if you’re trying to politely say no, it’s okay, i… i understand” <- she’s not looking at him. it is too much to look at him.

he, however, is looking straight at her. “see, as weird as this sounds- and this sounds really weird, i know- but i-i just wouldn’t want this to come between us”

oh, she’s crushed. “yeah. i know. i-i understand. i do” she looks at the ground.

“but. the-the answer is ‘yes’” <- LMAO, OH GOD. what did he do all that for? oh my god, her FACE, AND SHE HUGS HIM :(((

HIS DUMBASS SAYING HE’S A PRO AT THE DONOR PART, OH MY GOD. and he leaves for the office before she can really start crying.

god, he was in and out of there... LMAO, he was scared af to have that conversation!!!

we should unpack that at another time.

back to her apartment in the present day. alone. but we get a knock on the door. who is it??? the gunmen?

it’s hendershot!! she tells scully her baby is in danger, and so is her's!! GIRL!!! this is escalating!!!!!

now it’s 3 in the morning in washington DC, and doggett is…. somewhere? meeting skinner and scully at a diner!!! he wants his coffee black, mind you!

oh, he came here though, at such an hour. skinner says thanks for coming down. scully is looking far into the distance.

doggett asks if she’s going somewhere. skinner explains with HR formality that she is going on a leave of absence. “hey, great” HE’S TRYING TO BE SUPPORTIVE... but also he sounds deeply sarcastic. “can i ask why?” “no”

he turns to skinner. “so i’m the x files now? just me?” "agent scully isn’t quitting the FBI, she’s just going away” she won't say anything...... making skinner do all the talking....

he stares at her. she’s looking away. “thanks for getting me out of bed to give me the news” he gets up to leave. “drop me a line if you get a chance”

DOGGETT, PUT IT TOGETHER... i feel bad for him, omfgggg, but like it’s RIGHT THERE, BUDDY, COME ON!!! YOU’RE SO CLOSE! she still won’t look at him.

skinner says she has to tell him. she tells him she can’t.

she runs out after him: “agent doggett?” (very tense pause) “i want you to understand”

“what is it you want me to understand, agent scully? the secrets or the lies?” <- STOP, I FEEL SO BAD FOR BOTH OF THEM :(

“i told you… i’m not doing anything behind your back”

“you’re supposed to watch my back, agent scully” <- oh shit…. he has a point... but he doesn't KNOWWWW why she is doing this...

skinner comes out behind her. “if i was putting you at risk in any way, you can be sure that i wouldn’t let you down. i hope you know that”

“i only know what you tell me”

she turns to skinner. says she has to go.

and hendershot is in scully's car!!! doggett asks who that is. skinner says he doesn’t know.

doggett gets in his truck.

scully and hendershot are off to a research hospital. scully explains to a team of doctors that hendershot believes she is about to give birth to an inhuman baby.

she has no medical records. hendershot explains they killed her friend who knew too much.

the doctors says they will induce labor now.

OH SHIT! scully tells the doctor she isn't the only one in danger…

doggett is looking at an ultrasound… when some guy name joe comes in the office. asking why he is sitting in the dark. “i’m in the dark pretty much most of my time on the x files, joe” <- STOP, I FEEL BAD FOR HIMMM :(

he was running haskell’s prints…. they found out that haskell has been dead since 1970!!! what?!!!

damn, they’re hooking hendershot up to some stuff at the hospital, and scully is right next to her, and i’m gonna have another incident where i almost pass out, huh?

she asks scully how long it will take. “probably somewhere between four and 12 hours”, she answers, in medical mode. scully squeezes her arm. hendershot tells her she’s afraid. says she had a boyfriend, but she looked at the dates, and there’s no way... and now she’s sure it was an abduction.

the doctor calls scully over and loads up a tape. she’s getting her own ultrasound. she looks at it, smiling. “i see what would appear to be a healthy baby at 14 weeks” <- HOLD ON, I GOTTA DO SOME MATH... so she’s 3.5 months pregnant, so it has to be like…. august? september? sigh, i don’t fucking KNOW!!!

why did they say that line about mulder being gone in may?? had they NOT said that, we would be FINE, even if that means some of the episodes were out of order, but nOoOoOo!!

scully asks if she is sure. the doctor asks if she wants to know the sex. she just says she wants it to be okay. so they’re gonna do that other test with the amniotic fluid.

meanwhile…. doggett runs out and catches a guy named knowle on the street! he says he needs to know about the haskell fingerprint NOW. knowle says he could be intelligence... he claims there is no conspiracy. but doggett wants to know for scully :(

OH GOD, now they’re doing the test on scully, and tbh i always wondered how that stuff worked. and the answer is: a giant fucking needle. LIKE COMICALLY LARGE, DAMN.

doctor tells her she needs to take it easy after the procedure, and she once again mumbles that she just wants to know if it is okay. oh god. poor thing. i don’t wanna think about membranes rupturing. she better lay her ass down.

(as i edit my notes i am now googling this procedure to see what sort of stuff it can tell you and how severe it is. eek. makes me dizzy)

do not move, girl, i’m serious. she sees the VHS…. gets up. girl, i told you not to do that... but whatever.

takes the tape out. sees IT IS SOMEONE ELSE’S?? THE FUCK??

scully goes to get ms. hendershot and tells her they have to go NOW. starts getting the needles out of her.

what the FUCK is going on?

doggett is running for skinner. asks how to get to scully right away. they’ve all been misled by this haskell guy. he thinks it’s a setup. he needs to get scully, wherever she’s gone.

skinner says she’s safe at a hospital. OH DAMN, HE SAYS “look, this involves doctors. doctors who may have killed pregnant women. now, a hospital could be the worst place in the world for her. TELL ME WHERE SCULLY IS”

yeah, it is official: i love this man.

and he tells her. doggett instructs him to call security now and runs after.

scully is trying to smuggle herself and hendershot out. but the doctors notice patients missing.

and a friend of doggett’s says to follow them!! it’s knowle!! do we trust him??

hendershot is really pretty….

they’re leading them into a black van. she asks who they are and he doesn’t answer. and they are speeeeeeding out. the men are medics. but SCULLY, NO! SHE GROANS IN PAIN BECAUSE SHE JUST HAD THE THING DONE and shouldn’t even be on her FEET!!!

they are being chased while hendershot is in labor, because of course she is. scully says you HAVE to stop the car, and knowle tells her no. and she says you HAVE TO!!! so they finally do.

time to have a baby in the back of the woods.

knowle grabs scully, claiming he’s making sure she doesn’t hurt herself, it’s for her own good, but obviously she is NOT taking that laying down and swipes at him, calling for hendershot. calling her first name.

and they sedate scully. while hendershot is giving birth and screaming, and scully hears the weird goat baby bleat as she begins to pass out. and someone is flashing a flashlight on scully.

she wakes up…. somewhere???

was that knowle or not???

she’s got a million tubes hooked up to her. and calls out for doggett. WHO IS SITTING NEARBY!

“lie down agent scully, you’re not taking any more chances” HE GRABS HER SHOULDERS AND MAKES HER LIE BACK DOWN, OMFG… he is not risking a damn THING with her. “what happened to me?”

“you’re okay, you’re fine" little pause "and your baby’s fine” (OH MY FUCKING GODDDDDDDD) she sighs in relief. “but you’re very, very lucky”

(nah, i'm tearing up just editing these notes... he was sooooo gentle. FUCK!!!!!!)

so what happened?? she’s back at the same hospital she tried to run away from?

allegedly, hendershot is fine, and her baby is fine too. but scully is convinced they switched her alien baby with another one they had on hand. they’re saying she overreacted, that it was really her ultrasound- just an old tape they taped over.

and he sent the men who came to get them: “they say they saved your life. how can i question that, standing here?”

(fuck. actual tears as i edit this. whyyyyyy)

“it was all planned. you know that. from the moment that man walked into our office. we used to get at ms. hendershot’s baby and now we are being used to cover it up” she lays back down. “oh my god”

(she must be realizing she exposed herself and will now be brought into their trap.... i guess, that is, if they didn't already know)

“at least you’re okay” <- but is she??

“why didn’t you tell me?” he asks.

“i was afraid. afraid that they‘d use it against me to take me off the x files so that i couldn’t find mulder” <- OH MY GOD??? she thought they would use it to keep her away from finding him??? like she was too closely involved or something? or would it just be a convenient excuse by the higher ups to get her out of the way?

he grabs her shoulder. leans in close “i told you i’d help you. i said we’d find him”

she tears up. he walks away.

back in her apartment. she finds mulder sleeping on the couch, so i guess we’re back in time. he says he came back and waited, he must have dozed off.

she’s crying. “it didn’t take, did it?” “i guess it was too much to hope for”

he pulls her in for a hug as she cries. “it was my last chance”

he kisses her forehead: “never give up on a miracle”

and i think she kissed his cheek, but it was hard to tell... hold on, let me rewind. she hugs him.

back in the modern day, still in her hospital bed, she rests a hand on her abdomen.

the end

WHAAAAAAT THE FUCK.

oh my god, first thought: WHAT IS GOING ON? is scully okay?? what happened to ms. hendershot? was it really an alien baby?? scully seemed convinced they switched her baby out… and doggett seemed to think something weird was going on, too…

and they brought her back to the hospital… and the tape thing actually seemed plausible, but why would they take care of scully and hurt hendershot? it makes no sense… and scully heard the goat noises, but she was getting sedated… and it WAS her doctor who was in the alien corpse room…. so maybe he was lying about everything looking okay…

well, these plots never make any fucking sense, so i honestly think i would just be wasting my time trying to piece it together. tbh.

head in hands... yeah. i do need doggett.

but in a way that is actually about scully, because there is NOTHING hotter than a man taking care of scully. everyone needs to be taken care of sometimes, including someone as tough and reckless as scully. the way he was holding her shoulders down so she couldn’t get up... telling her he said he would help. letting her know he meant it. GOD.

trust seems to be SO important to him, which is sick and twisted for a show with the occasional tagline “trust no one”. he is just a good GUY, and he is stuck in this situation.

and OHHH MY GOD, he was so angry and confused, and he knew scully was lying, but he didn’t know about WHAT. she wouldn’t tell him, even thought skinner said she should, because she knows the hard way not to trust anybody. and of course she doesn’t trust him after he was sent initially by kersh to watch over her, and of course she resents that he isn't mulder!!! she had tried to sneak away from him before, and he was like "don’t do that again". and other times he got frustrated and didn’t understand her point of view, so she didn’t want to tell him, and she was scared because how was this happening? what if something happens? and also, what if they used it against her to take her away from looking for mulder? and oh my god. oh my god, i just... i need to lay down.

and GOD, mulder keeping that secret from her (that i frankly thought they already talked about, LMAO)

so i assume that part took place sometime in s7? and he waited for her at her apartment and fell asleep on the couch. and she cried because it didn’t work. and he told her to never rule out a miracle, and there is a miracle... but was it?? was it a miracle?? or was it someone playing god and abusing women??

oh my god.

hold on i just. i need a breath.

okay, i’m not done, i am not fucking DONE.

skinner being dragged into this at 3 in the morning and doing all of the talking, explaining to doggett that she was leaving… fuck me. how do you think that conversation on the phone went?

and then doggett was so mad, because he KNEW she was lying. but she wasn’t doing it to be malicious, she was SCARED!! and she had EVERY REASON TO BE!! but he didn’t know that!!

and that he thought she would be interested in the case, but she immediately shut down because it hit too close to home, and he was thinking “why is she getting mad?”. he just accepted that he crossed a line with her personal files even though they were in the x files...

and then when she said that it was her doctor who called about an ultrasound, he just thought she was lying because it was too weird to believe, and then he was like wait a minute… what is going on here…

GAHHHH, when he came to skinner and said you need to tell me where she is NOW, that was the moment. that motherfucker snatched my heart with both hands. he had some moments that definitely warmed me up to him (his get well soon card, awkward comforting, carrying scully to the hospital) but that was it, bro. i’m all in now. he is my friend. i will kiss him on the forehead.

and the trust he placed in her, particularly in the last episode, must have made the lack of trust she displayed toward him sting all the more… when he said she is supposed to watch his back, GOD, my heart was hurting…. she was trying to explain without explaining, and he said “i only know what you tell me”

and holy fuck, i thought i was going to faint at that last scene. the way he made her lie back down, told her to stop taking chances, she’s fine, your baby is fine, just… oh my god. grabbing her shoulder. saying he told her he would find him. for a man like him, his word is everything.

i’m gonna fucking CRY.

and terrified but brave scully, after just having had a procedure done that put her at risk, going to get ms. hendershot out because she HAS to do the right thing no matter what, oh my GOD. she had to get her to safety. and then trying to get to her while she went into labor and having to be restrained and sedated… and thinking she saw what she maybe really did see…

and being so scared because how did this happen, is it really a miracle, or is this another terrible thing that was taken from her? and those horrifying baby corpses she ran into, and knowing that this is a possibility now- how can you keep going on with life like that didn’t happen? like it isn’t looming over you? like when the clock is up it might be…

god. just. oh my god.

i do find the whole abduction arc and lack of agency thing pretty, um. how do you say... gross. but in terms of scully’s pregnancy arc, idk exactly where it is going, so i can’t have a fully formed opinion yet.

i do know what i think happens at the VERY end, and i have my thoughts on that, but until we get there, my lips are shut.

fucking…. doggett… scully…

is she going to still go on leave? but where could she even go? if this really is part of the conspiracy, there isn’t a place she could go to be safe. which is fucking horrifying. god. the sort of cosmic terror of intergalactic conspiracy just was made real for me. which i think is a good thing. means the writing finally paid off.

i’m also struck by skinner in all of this, who had his own life changing field trip with doggett and realized he was Good, and he can’t make that choice to trust him for scully, but he tried to get her to tell him. i was honestly worried he would just tell him, but he didn’t say anything at all until doggett basically gave him no choice. and then as soon as he said where she was, doggett RAN out the door.

and mulder… poor mulder, never having that conversation with her, because when would the right time be? and he finally does and she’s hurt- of course she’s hurt- he holds the doors open. but she won’t look at him and so he shuts them.

and then when she finally gets him to her place to answer, she’s so nervous she asks to take his coat. he says he doesn’t want it to come between them and she starts to cry. she wanted it to be HIM. specifically. the father of her baby. she knew before she even got in that office. she just wasn’t sure how to tell him that.

and he’s so awkward as he says yes in a prolonged fashion that she thinks is a no, because he really means it- he doesn’t want anything to come between what they have, whatever you call it, or however you put it into words or don’t or can’t…

and then he was WAITING there the day of, fell asleep on her couch, holds her while she cries, kisses her forehead, tells her not to rule out a miracle… and what may be a miracle finally comes when he’s gone. fuck.

and from scully’s perspective, she just. tells him in an elevator that she can’t have kids and she isn’t ready to accept that. so he admits he has known and has had her ova the WHOLE time. of course she is shocked that 1. he FOUND them in a government facility and 2. he KNEW that the whole time and never told her, and of course he didn’t tell her because she was dying, but then when would a good time to tell her be?? from her perspective it still hurts, he still kept that from her.

and she gets another opinion, and when the doctor says it might work she FALLS, sinks down, wants to begin right away, not even thinking that isn’t something she can just do, she has to ask him.

when she does she’s so scared. can’t look him in the eye. thinks he is saying no and tells him she understands, it’s okay, it’s okay. but he says yes and she jumps into his arms. he makes a stupid joke and he leaves before they can think about it.

and then it doesn’t work, and she comes home to him sleeping there on her couch, waiting for her, having to tell him it didn’t work. the tears in her eyes having sat there on her ride home, him trying to give her some privacy and not come with her because you know she wouldn’t let him, she’s fiercely independent. so she drove home in silence. and when he sees her he knows. brings her in. she stands on her tippy toes to rest her head on his shoulder. he leans his forehead against hers and kisses it, telling her that miracles do happen.

and then. he vanishes.

and the juxtaposition of him prying the elevator doors open and then doggett doing the same as she stood there, having not pressed any buttons at all, lost in remembering… and he knows something weird is going on, but knows it doesn’t matter if he asks, because she won’t tell him…

but now he knows. and she is reminded that he meant his promise. they will find him. he doesn’t say things and not mean them.

and then factor in his own personal angst about hearing she’s having a baby, and is worried about if that baby is even a fucking human or not, after his own experience with losing a child- not a baby, a child he saw grow up-

and i don’t think he’s told her about that, and he sure isn’t going to want to now, but every time she does something or says something it will bring back all of those memories he had with his own boy and the pain of losing him again…

well. fuck.

it is safe to say that i enjoyed this episode, even if the giving birth and needles freaked me tf out. luckily, i can just reread my notes to rewatch it all over again without seeing that! woohoo!!

and i think the next one is a two parter, but i see it mentions reyes, which i am SO excited about!!! because i do not know a damn THING ABOUT HER!! i’m READY FOR ANOTHER WOMAN ON THE SHOW THAT ISN’T DIANA, YEAHHHHH

is she going to be doggett’s new partner while scully is away? but again! where is scully going to go? is there anywhere she can hide? because if there was nowhere i could hide, i would want to keep working just so i could find mulder! but that might put you in even MORE danger, so what is she to do?

oh, scully.

and now i have to deal with knowing a two parter is coming and that it’ll probably take me 2 weeks to watch them both, LMFAO. but somehow i will be very brave and get through this. even in the heat. the terrible heat. i will push through.

well damnit, now that we have seen such suffering, i want everything to end happy-ish even more now. i’ll keep brainstorming my happy-ish ending au. like i always say, not TOO happy. but they all hold hands forever and ever. the end!

i am VERY curious to hear what you thought of this episode. did this one also make you fall in love with doggett? did you cry?

(groans and explodes)

#head in my hands... just spent an hour doing the rough draft editing this. and then i reread it and it was still largely incoherent.#i wasn't even analyzing. i was just saying stuff. i guess i can analyze in the future. you can only feel something for the first time once.#well. i can't make miracles happen. sometimes you just have Too Damn Much Emotion.#PLEASE tell me ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS in ELABORATE DETAIL #please please please i need to know. especially if i imagined that part in the emily arc where they already talked about it LMAO #but god. god. i just. need to lay down.#i really hope they can get on better now that there won't be secrets between them and i hope she sticks around :(#and i hope the baby is okay and everything is fine. and if it won't be i'll write it. the end.#doggett........ moans and dies.#8x13 #juni's x files liveblog

28 notes · View notes

ret1cent · 5 months ago

Text

the space between (pt.4)

josh dun x fem reader

WC:6,000+

“this is our decision to live fast and die young, we’ve got the vision, now let's have some fun”

warnings: convos about unhappy/toxic relationship, language, cute chapter for the most part tho not too much emo-ness,

a/n: reminder that this is based in 2016 so some of the language and fashion will reflect that loll 😭 and the burn is burning slow the two of you have like agent scully and mulder level chemistry rn... also a lot of this chapter is inspired by the arcade scene in dinner in america i luv that sceneee you should watch the movie if you haven’t before

previous chapters

May 20th, 2016.

Josh and I had driven back to his place, after I ultimately decided that I couldn’t stay the night with Logan. But I knew it would be bad to sleep at Josh’s with the etiquette of my engagement, despite Josh’s many offers for me to just stay in his guest room. I had ended up calling up Kass, guilty of putting the stress of company on her at the last minute, but she seemed delighted to help me out. Now, I was sitting across from her on her large maroon cushioned couch, nursing a glass of wine.

“So, you’re telling me he just went quiet and threw the glass on the floor without a word?” Kass asks, her eyes widened as I reflected on the events of the day with her.

“Yeah, it was scary. It was like this silent anger that led into him finally just... bursting.” I say as I draw shapes with my fingers on the cushion of the couch.

“(Y/n)… this isn’t normal. There’s something going on with him.” she said, looking at me with worried eyes. “This doesn’t sound safe.”

“I-I know...” I say looking away, staring at the colorful painting hung on her wall. “He’s always been a little quick to anger.”

She puts a hand on my knee, and I look back at her. “You know you can get yourself out of this situation… right?” she asks, her green eyes shining with concern as she tilts her head to the side.

I pause, taken aback. “Yeah, of course...” I say, not even believing the tone of my own voice. “But it’s fine… I’ll have a conversation with him about this. It’s not the first time he’s acted irrationally in an argument; he’s changed before.”

“It’s the fact that you have to get him to change though.” She reasons with me, and I look down, resting my head against my chin.

“I… I know. He isn’t perfect at all. But I chose him, and I love him. We’re getting married in a few months, I can’t just back out of this. I have to be grown. I have to follow through with the decisions I’ve made. Our families are expecting it.”

“Wouldn’t they understand though… At least your family? If you backed out of this if they knew it wasn’t serving you right?” she asks softly.

I go silent. I had no idea how they’d react quite frankly. My mom and stepdad were quite traditional, though unspoken, it was clear they had been waiting for me to get engaged. They believed I was at the age where I should be starting to settle down with someone, start a family even. My mom was not quiet about her desire for grandchildren. Her using the plural of that phrase always freaked me out, even one kid seemed like too much to me.

“I don’t know.” I finally say, a genuine uncertainty in my voice.

Kass looks at me with sympathy, her orange hair glowing like a warm fire under the tall seat next to the couch. “So, how’d things go with Josh today?” She changes the subject, taking a sip from her glass.

“God, it was great.” I say, leaning my head against the couch with a smile. I had already given her his explanation of forgiveness, but not the details of our hangout after. “He took me back to his place which was amazing by the way, it was huge and modern looking it was really cool. But I helped him clean up some of his scrapes…” I say, rubbing my neck uncomfortably as I reflect on the fact that they were Logan’s fault. “And then we went out to get dinner after and just had more of a conversation about why him and Sophia broke up which I explained some of to you. After that on the ride home we were just like yelling to some of our old favorite songs it was nice… Freeing almost.” I say with a soft, appreciative laugh.

Kass raises and eyebrow and I pause in concern. “What?” I question her expression.

“He’s taking you back to his place and you guys are getting dinner after…?” She starts and I quickly catch on to what she was trying to insinuate.

“Oh no no, it’s not like that.” I quickly defended the situation, shaking my head.

“Maybe for you… Does he know you’re engaged?”

“No, he doesn’t like me like that and…” I pause, reflecting on her question. Actually, he didn’t. Unless he spotted my ring and didn’t say anything. But the moment that Logan got home when Josh was at my doorstep, I almost felt the need to hide it from him. To hide the fact that I was engaged to someone like Logan. I had only referred to him as my boyfriend. “I… I don’t think so actually.” I admit honestly, surprised by my own actions.

She snorts. “Wait so how’d you explain Logan to him? Hey, this random dude might beat you up so you should get out of here… Yeah, he kind of just roams the street sometimes, beats up dudes he doesn’t like the vibe of.” She jokes and I laugh, rolling my eyes.

“No, I think I just called him my boyfriend. Slip of the tongue.” I say and she starts giving me a suspicious look again. “What!” I whine, confused by her pestering about me and Josh’s friendship.

“You didn’t want to tell him, did you?” She interrogates me, resting her cheek against her palm, balancing her wine glass on her knee as she looks at me.

“I mean no I wasn’t thrilled to announce my engagement to a man who I knew was about to give him shit…”

“Come onnn you know that’s not what I mean.” She says.

“Kass!” I laugh. “We’re just friends.”

“Okkkay whatever you say…” She says, clearly not convinced. "But you have to admit he’s a good-looking man.”

“Well yeah…”

“I GOT YOUR ASS!” She shouts and I laugh, slapping her leg.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to convince her, but I also knew me and Josh were just friends, anyone could admit their friend was good looking without it being weird.

Me and her keep giggling, then she looks at me and smiles. “Why don’t we do this more often?” she asks genuinely.

“I don’t know honestly…” I reply, slightly saddened. Maybe it was my own fault for falling into a mundane routine where I felt unsatisfied with life. All I did was work and come home, and I always felt the need to keep Logan company. But I never stopped to think that I had lost the sense of having my own life. I hung out with Kass outside of work, sure. But it was typically only every other week or so. There was something oddly comforting about sitting on her couch in my pajamas just talking to her again. I think I forgot that moments like this didn’t only have to exist inside adolescence.

“Well, we need to do this more ok?” she asks, playfully nudging my knee.

“I’d love to, this is healing honestly... But you leave in like two weeks.” I groan, mortified by the idea of not having a close friend here.

“Well, if you and Josh are cool again...” She suggested and I quickly shake my head.

“Kass, you know I can’t, plus he hasn’t even invited me.”

“If you showed him some of your new work, I’m sure he and Tyler would be ecstatic to have you on. I heard through the grapevine they need an extra photographer...” She says and I can’t help but feel a small surge of excitement, but it quickly diminishes as I remember how unrealistic it was.

“I can’t just leave like that though; I’m getting married in a few months I can’t be halfway across the world...”

“What if Logan wasn’t part of the picture?” she asks quickly. “Would you say yes then?”

“Well... of course.”

“See! This is something you genuinely want to do. You can’t let him hold you back like this, I know you and I know you aren’t happy with the life you’re living right now. Photography has always been your dream. You can always get married later.” She pleads softly.

I sigh quietly. “Logan would be so upset. And I can’t imagine how my family would react.” I say, my voice thick with sadness.

She lets up on trying to convince me, softly stroking the back of my hair. She then looks at the clock on the wall, it reading 2:45 AM. “Alright, it’s getting late so I think I’m gonna go to bed, you should too.” She says, patting my shoulder before she gets up. “You ok in the guest room?”

“Yes of course, thank you so much again.”

“Hey anytime girl, I’ll be expecting more sleepovers.” She says and we both giggle softly before she leaves for her bedroom.

── ࣪˖ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ── ── ࣪˖ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ── ── ࣪˖ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

May 21st, 2016.

The next morning Kass had morning plans. She apologized endlessly for it, but I had insisted it was fine, my company had been very last minute. I laid in bed, scrolling on my phone and sipping Coffee from one of Kass’s mugs until I got a text notification. I opened it to see it was from Josh.

Josh:Hey! I assume this is still your number, it’s been a while obviously lmao. But if this is the right number and you aren’t a random stranger I was wondering if you wanted to hang later?

I laugh softly, typing back a reply.

uhhh who dis?

Josh: oh shit sorry, I thought this my friend's number.

He replied quickly and I giggled.

jk it’s me sorry that was mean

Josh: you’re evil I was so embarrassed

Josh: wait... how do i know it’s you… i haven’t even clarified who I’m trying to talk to

I send a picture of myself flipping off the camera in response.

Josh:charming! But how do I know someone didn’t get that picture of you or that you aren’t being held hostage...

OK now you’re just being ridiculous

Josh: lmao ok fineeee i’ll stop

what did you want to do later? I’m down to hang

Josh:ok i was thinking santa monica pier? rides, games and stuff? we haven’t really been able to do anything around LA together yet!

yeah! that sounds hella fun.

Josh: yayyy i’ll pick you up, is 6:00 ok?

sounds awesome. i’m still at kass’s so you can just pick me up here.

── ࣪˖ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ── ── ࣪˖ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ── ── ࣪˖ ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ──

I spent the rest of the morning lounging around Kass’s place until she got back, and the two of us had decided to spend the afternoon at the mall. I lean against the escalator as we go up, the environment around us bustling with activity, the air cool and unintelligible music playing from the speakers.

“So, you and Josh are hanging out tonight?”

“Yeah, we’re going to Santa Monica Pier, should be fun.” I say with a smile, looking off at the different stores in the distance.

“We should get you a cute outfit here!” She suggests excitedly.

“I don’t need a new outfit for this we’re just hanging out!” I say with a laugh. “Plus, if it’s ok with you I was wondering if we could stop by my place really quick after this, I need to grab some clothes and toiletries, I also wanna bring my camera for tonight. Don’t worry I'll check in at a hotel tonight.”

“Babe no you know you can always stay at my place you’re not an inconvenience to me in any way. And of course we can, you not ready to go home yet?” she asks gently as we walk.

“No… I don’t think so.”

“Has Logan tried to contact you?”

“He has but his messages have been all over the place it’s been ranging from him telling me I’m a ‘traitor’ and that I'm probably ‘off fucking Josh’ but then sending paragraphs about how sorry he is and sending voice messages of himself in tears…”

“Wow yikes.” Kass says, looking at me in shock. “There is something wrong with that man.”

“Truly.” I say, running a hand through my hair. “This is nothing new he has episodes like this constantly. I wish he’d just listen to me and go to therapy.”

“His mental health doesn’t excuse any of his actions against you though. There’s a difference between struggling and just not being a good partner. The way he talks to you… it just doesn’t seem like he respects you.” She says, sipping on the lemonade she still had from our lunch earlier.

“Yeah, you’re right.” I say honestly, fidgeting with my hands uncomfortably. It was hard to have someone so close to me not like my fiancée. Of course, her distaste for him was fully justified. I wasn’t particularly fond of him at the moment either. But it just makes me worry that I’m being perceived as someone who can’t stand up for themselves, as someone who accepts the bare minimum and lower. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized those fears reigned true.

Kass looks at me, reading my expression immediately. “Hey.” she says, looking at me and linking my arm with hers. “I’m not trying to put you or him down. I’m just worried, that’s all. You’re my best friend. I just get into mama bird mode over you sometimes.” She says and I giggle.

“No, I understand, you’ve been right with everything you’re saying. I’m glad you care.”

“I always will.” She says with a smile. “Ooo look do you wanna go into Urban?” she asks, pointing at the large Urban Outfitters we were approaching.

‘’Yesss of course.” I agreed. Their stuff was always pricey, but undeniably cute.

“We’ll get you something for tonight!” She insists.

“So, we’re back on this.” I say with a smile and roll of my eyes as we walk in the store. “But fine, not because I need to look good for him but because the Insta pics will be cute that way.”

“Hey, we’re all entitled to our own interpretations!” She defends.

“Wow you are shipping us hard!” I joke, flipping through the racks.

“I can’t help it you guys would be so cute! Considering the history and everything too it would be like a movie or something.”

“Well keep dreaming!” I say playfully and she boos in retaliation.

“Wait this is kinda cute...” I say, picking up a light purple holographic tank.

“Ok we have the base for the outfit I know where to go from here.” Kass says, dragging me to the jackets.

“Wow ok you little fashionista!”

She ended up picking out distressed denim overall shorts, fishnets and chokers that matched the color tones of the tank. I intended to pay for everything myself, but she insisted that she at least bought the accessories for me.

“Ugh you’re too sweet.” I say as she hands me the smaller bag as we walk out.

“Hey anything for my girl, you need to have a cute fit! How else is my favorite ship gonna become real? “

“Ok I'm gonna smack you now.”

Me and Kass ended up stopping by at my place after the mall when we saw that Logan’s car wasn’t there, meaning he was out. What he was out doing I wasn’t sure, and I honestly didn’t want to know. I had grabbed outfits to sustain me for at least the next 3 days, toiletries and my camera so I could take some pictures at the pier. When we got back to Kass’s house, we lounged around watching movies for the rest of the day until the evening until I had to get ready for Josh to pick me up. I finished changing and doing my makeup and I walked back out to the living room, Kass awing.

“You look so pretty! Let me take a picture.” She says, pulling out her phone like a mom.

“Noo!” I say, covering my face while she tries to take the picture.

“Ugh you’re all about being behind the camera but why not being in front of it sometimes you’re a cutie!”

“It’s just not my thing! I like being the capturer not the capture-ee!” I whine, plopping onto the couch next to her. My phone buzzes in my hand, I look down at it, seeing the notification was from Josh.

Josh:Yooo I’m here parked right out front

“Oh, he’s here! I’ll see you later bae.” I say as I quickly get up, leaning down to give her a quick hug.

“Bye, have fun!” She says as I walk away. “Not too much fun...” She adds suggestively.

“I assure you we’ll have just the appropriate amount of fun.” I say jokingly, looking over at her as I slide on my Adidas. I gave her my last goodbyes and walked out towards the car, waving to Josh who was looking through the window, him waving back with a wide smile.

“Hey!” I say as I open the car door, giving him a quick hug after I sat down. Today he was wearing a black snapback, a faded band tee and camo jacket, along with black ripped skinny jeans. Unfortunately, the bruise on his eye was still very noticeable, my stomach swirling with guilt at the sight.

“Wassup stranger!” He replies, jokingly referring to our text exchange earlier in the day.

“What if I really was kidnapped and someone was pretending to be me so they could hang with you?”

“Well, I’d be flattered someone put in that much effort to hang with me and then we’d leave you behind and go to the pier, duh.” He says and I gasp.

“Woww you’re fake!” I shout, smacking his arm before he starts to drive, him snickering.

“Sorry I’m a first come first serve kinda guy.” He jokes with a shrug.

Our drive looked like our earlier ones, windows down and music blasting. It made me happy to feel like we had a little tradition again. The sun sat lower in the sky as we got closer to the ocean. I hum to the tune of 3005 by Childish Gambino on the radio, watching my hand out the window flow with the wind rushing past. The cool wind offered relief from the heat of the summer day.

Once we get there, we find parking in the lot of the pier and I hop out, taking in the salty breeze of the ocean air, mixed with the faint sweet smell of cotton candy and funnel cake in the distance. I get out of the car and stretch, then pull my camera out and snap a picture of the pier. Josh smiles, squinting and shielding his forehead from the sun with his hand. “You’re still taking pictures?” he asks, pointing at the camera.

“Yeah, not as much anymore, but I like to when I get the chance.” I say looking at him with a small smile.

“I’m glad. You were always really good at that kinda stuff.” he says, locking his car as we start to walk towards the boardwalk.

“You think?”

“I know, dude. You and Mark really carried us through the start of our career with all your work. I’ve always appreciated the uniqueness of your shots. It really helped create the image for us that we have now.”

“Aw, thanks dude.” I say sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck.

“Of course. I like the fit by the way, very spacey Tumblr vibes.”

I laugh at his description. “Thanks! I think that’s what I was going for I just didn’t specially label it as spacey Tumblr vibes.” I say with a chuckle, quickly stopping to snap another picture of the ocean. “You’re full of compliments today.” I point out gratefully.

“Hey, it’s a nice day out! I’m in a good mood.” He says with a chuckle, admiring the view of the ocean as we approach the rides. He suddenly gasps in excitement. “Let’s go on the dragon!” He exclaims, pointing at the huge green mechanical dragon that swung back and forth in the air over the ocean and boardwalk like a large seesaw in the air.

“Um do you wanna die?” I asked with a scoff.

“Yes, die of fun! Let’s go!” He giggles, his cotton candy hair lightly blowing from under his hat in the wind as he grabs my hand, taking me hostage.

“Helppp I don’t know him!” I say, slightly raising my voice, getting a few stares from people surrounded nearby.

“(Y/n) stop!” He laughs, covering my mouth with his other hand, his fingers warm over my lips.

“Yeah, covering my mouth isn’t gonna help in the situation where people think you’re kidnaping me!” I say, my voice slightly muffled by his hand.

He smiles and pulls his hand away from my mouth with a roll of his eyes. “Ok smart ass.”

“Hey, I’m not the one trying to kidnap women!”

“Stop!” He groans. “The people around us are gonna think I’m some kind of supervillain.” He says as he pulls me in line for the ride. Once he lets go of my hand, I immediately try to escape but he sees this and picks me up right away. His strong arms held me by my waist, holding me up like it was nothing. Damn, since when was he so strong? The couple standing behind us in line giggle at the sight.

“You are going on this ride whether you like it or not!” Josh replies, us cackling as he restrains me.

“Ok fine fine, but if we die, I’m so kicking your ass!” I threaten and he laughs.

“Well, I’ll consider myself warned.” He says as he lets me down.

I stand next to him, anxiously tapping my foot on the ground in anticipation. To my horror, it was finally our turn to get on. Josh attached his snapback to the belt loop of his jeans so it wouldn’t fly off. I follow him to the seats, making sure I was straight in the middle. The person running the ride helps us get the bar down, I look over at Josh as he holds onto it, looking slightly nervous.

“Ok I’m a little scared.” Josh admits looking over at me with a smile and I smack his arm.

“You were the one who made us get on this! You were the confident one you were holding us up!” I say and he laughs, quickly interrupted when the ride started moving.

“Fuck!” I yell, holding quickly grasping onto his arm.

He chuckles at this. “We aren’t even all the way up yet!” He jokes, but his voice shakes slightly.

“Stop being scared too you’re making me more scared! You aren't allowed to be scared!” I shouted over the rush of wind as we swung forward. “Oh my god no no no!” I yell as the ride swings backwards, feeling a sudden weightlessness, almost feeling like I was going to fly out of my seat. I move closer to Josh, clinging onto him harder, the warmth of his body oddly comforting in this trying time.

“Why did I think this was a good idea?” He asks, his voice raised.

“I don’t know I’m beating you up when we get off though! If we even, make it off...” I say anxiously, looking at the ocean beneath us as we swung the opposite direction.

“Don’t say that!”

“Well look at all of that beneath us!” I say, frantically motioning at the water.

Our fear did not let up for the rest of the ride, but somehow the shared suffering was bonding. After, I step off, slightly wobbling. I hunch over, weakly punching Josh in the arm like I promised. “I’m never agreeing to any of your shenanigans ever again.”

“Dude, I agree. I can’t even listen to myself I don’t know what I was thinking…” he says, dragging his hand down his face. He then looks off into the distance, pointing at something I couldn't see.

“Would I be forgiven if I got us snacks?” He asks and I go silent.

Needless to say, he was quickly forgiven as we sat at a wooden bench under the sun, munching on snacks from one of the stands. I sip on my cherry slushy, quickly stopping him with my hand as he was about to take a bite of his cotton candy. “Wait!”

“Uh, what?” He laughs.

I pull my camera out of my bag, squinting to look at him through the lens. “Your hair matches the color it it’s a cute photo op!” I say and he chuckles. I quickly snapped a candid shot of him laughing while holding it, focusing on him and the ocean behind him. “Ok now pose!” I order and he squints his eyes, sticking his tongue out. I roll my eyes at this, then take another one of him holding the cotton candy by his hair, looking up at it longingly.

“Ok you can eat it now.” I say playfully, putting the camera away. He bites into it happily, quickly chewing and swallowing. “Ok now give me your camera you need one with yours.” he demands, holding his hand out.

I reluctantly handed it over. “Mines blue it doesn't even match with me! I don’t have cool hair like you!”

“Hush you’ve always been weird about pictures I know you’re deflecting.” He says, looking at me through the camera. I flip him off, screw him for knowing me so well.

“Stop it!” He says, annoyed like the mother of a moody teenager who was reluctant to take family photos. “Pose!”

I groan dramatically, then look at the camera with a smile, slightly tilting my head towards the treat in my hand.

“Aww!” He says as I pose, earning him glare from me. “I got a picture of that too.” He teases me with a snicker, and I take the camera back from his hands. “Ok your camera privileges are revoked!” I exclaim, putting it back in my bag.

“Aww man! I think that could’ve been the start of an amazing career for me.” He jokes. “Speaking of that we haven’t really had like that boring adult conversation yet? What do you do for work now?” he asks with a curious tilt of his head.

“I’m a production assistant at Warner Brothers.” I admit with a slight smile.

“Really? That’s super cool! I totally see that for you, but I’m also surprised you didn’t end up in photography I definitely expected that.” he says, looking off into the ocean.

“Yeah…” I agree, a subtle sadness coating my voice. He seems to pick up on this, looking over at me again. “Wait... What’s your job again?” I jokingly ask, changing the subject and he chuckles.

“You won’t believe what I’m about to tell you.” He laughs, looking up at the sky. “Hey, why don’t we go play some games?” He suggests looking back at me. “I don’t think I’m ready to go on any rides yet nor do I think it would be a good idea.” He chuckles, nodding his head at the snacks we had just consumed.

“Yeah, sounds sick!” I say, slightly perking up with a smile.

The two of us make our way further down the boardwalk, making it to the row of games. The sun had now set lower, hints of pink starting to appear on the edges of the sky. Familiar tunes play from the speakers as we look around. He suddenly gasps and I turn quickly to see what he was reacting to, and see him pointing to a row of green, pink, blue and purple blown-up plastic aliens. “Oh, I need one.” He says dramatically and I giggle.

“What, are you trying to subtly hint that you want me to win it for you?”

“I don’t know do you think you can do it?” he asks, pointing at the game of darts, the game attendant looking off into the distance in boredom.

“Hell yeah dude! How do you think I got pictures of you and Tyler during your older shows with my shitty handheld camera? I have a steady hand!” I say, reflecting on the experience of having to take focused balanced pictures of the boys while being ran into by drunk 20-year-olds trying to mosh.

“Totally true.” He says with a chuckle. “Let’s see it.” He says, paying for the game for me. I thanked him and the attendant handed me 5 darts, explaining that I had to hit all 5 balloons to get the bigger prizes, Josh’s alien being one of them.

I squint as I focus on the red balloons, them softly blowing in the wind. I line the dart up with the first balloon and hold my breath before I throw it, satisfied when I hear the loud pop. Josh cheers and I aim at the second balloon, successfully popping it.

“Damn girl you’ve got aim!” Josh exclaims and I giggle. I successfully pop the other two and get to the last one.

“I’m scared!” I say as I stare at the last balloon standing, almost feeling a menacing energy radiating from the inanimate object.

“Why? You’ve been doing so well!”

“If I fuck up now it’s all over!” I say with a dramatic groan, and he chuckles.

“You really underestimate yourself. Now be a badass and finish off that last balloon!” Josh says encouragingly. I focus on the shiny red figure, a nerve-wracking anticipation swirling in my stomach as I aim and throw the dart hard. I whoop loudly when it hits the balloon and Josh smiles.

“See I told you you can do it.”

The attendant asks what prize I want, and I step back, motioning to Josh for him to pick. I took my camera out and snapped a picture of him looking up at the hanging candy-colored aliens, a thumb laid against his chin in focus, the colorful lights of the rides shining in the background as the sun had started to set more. I snap another of him pointing at his choice and then him holding the pink alien, looking at me with a toothy smile.

I giggle, putting my camera around my neck. “You happy?”

“Yes, so happy, thank you (Y/nnnn)!” He drags out in a girly voice and a giggle, as if he was my girlfriend and I was his big strong boyfriend who just won him a prize.

“Shut the fuck up.” I say with a smile and roll my eyes.

“That was like so totally manly.” He continues, curling his imaginary long hair around his finger.

“Dude I’m gonna take that thing away from you if you don’t stop...” I threaten, pointing to his alien.

“That’s so messed up... You’re trying to kidnap my biological son.” He claims, pointing at the alien's pink skin then his pink hair.

“Wow alien genetics are hella weird. What’s his name?”

Josh looks away in thought, biting the inside of his cheek. “Mulder!” He decides proudly.

“Uh what kind of name is that?” I laugh.

He gasps. “You’re so uncultured it’s from the X-Files! Oh, you’re so gonna watch it with me now.” He demands.

“Hey I’m down! I’ve always wanted to, you’ve always raved about that show. Here let me get some pictures of you and your son.” I say and he props the alien's legs on his shoulders and holds onto it by its knees like an actual kid. We both laugh as I snap a picture. He poses the alien to where it was next to him and had its arm around Josh’s shoulder, him leaning towards it with a big smile. “Aw what a happy family.”

“I’m starting to get emotionally attached to him.” Josh admits, keeping his plastic friend close to his chest. I smiled, opening my mouth when I was about to reply but look up with a gasp, hearing the intro to Kids by MGMT start to play on the speakers of the boardwalk.

“Shit this is my song!” I say, bopping my head along to the beat as we walk through the bustling boardwalk. He chuckles as I slightly spin while walking, doing a subtle dance. I giggle as Josh takes my hand and fully spins me around, him quietly singing along to the intro of the song.

“Oh, more games, shall we?” he asks suddenly, motioning to the row of games we had gotten to.

“Hell yeah!”

The sun sat as we hit each of the booths, laughing as we tried to sabotage each other’s games when up against each other. He continued to be my hype man when I went solo trying to win a game and I did the same for him. Especially when he returned the favor of winning me a prize in a game of ring toss, which was a large soft giraffe with a long neck which I had decided I needed to have. I cheered, shaking his shoulder excitedly before taking the big soft toy into my arms. We finally decided to go on rides again, starting with the roller coaster that went over the pacific coastline, which we both had to hype ourselves up to go on.

“Hubert you gotta stay right with me alright?” I asked the giraffe in my lap who was tightly restrained by the metal bar, it of course sitting unresponsive.

“I can’t believe you mocked my alien’s name, but you named your dude Hubert.” Josh complains, holding onto his alien who also sat in his lap.

“It matches his kind, caring soul, ok? So judgmental.” I scoff.

“Hey, it’s a two-way street you were mean to Mulder!”

Our tiff was quickly interrupted when the coaster slowly rumbled to life, starting to inch its way forward.

“Why did we do this this is worse than the sea dragon!” I say, already gripping the bar tightly.

“It doesn’t look that high! It can’t be that bad, you gotta live a little dude, YOLO.” He says like a surfer dude, and I giggle, but my laughter quickly quiets when I see the drop we were about to face.

“No!” I shouted before the coaster quickly rushed down, swooping along the track. Josh and I yell during the descent, but our screams slowly turn into laughter as we feel the rush of the wind, the mist of the ocean against our faces, the colorful lights bellow glimmering like a rainbow in the night. He puts his hands up and I hesitantly copy his actions, enjoying the extra rush added to the feeling of the speeding cart. He whoops and I giggle, but then look over concerned to see Mulder slightly raised from the seat, his arms flailing in warning. “Josh grab him!” I shout and he yelps, quickly wrapping his arms around the alien protectively.

“Almost gave me a heart attack!” Josh yells over the rush of the wind and I laugh. I too would be distraught to see my hard-earned work fly away.

The coaster loops around and finally got back to ground level. I throw my head back with a winded laugh, him looking at me as he does the same.

“Ok I have to admit that was fun.” I say with a smile as the bar rises and I step out.

“See! I think we just started off wrong with the dragon honestly.”

We stop at a few more calmer rides, then end the night with dinner at Bubba Gump Shrimp. Not the finest of dining, but it was right at the pier and we were both in desperate need of an actual meal. Carnival snacks don’t tend to sustain you for very long. We shared a relaxed meal, catching up more under the warm lighting of the restaurant, our table overlooking the dark expanse ocean through the window. Once we finished up we headed back to the car, the exhaustion of the day finally starting to hit as my feet dragged along the asphalt. Once we both got in, I immediately reached for the heat. “Is it ok if I turn this on? It’s chilly out!” I complain, my hand resting on the knob as I waited for his response.

“Yeah…” He starts but then looks at my hand before gently taking it. I look up in surprise but then seeing him observing the ring on my finger. Oh.

“(Y/n), what’s this?” he asks, a slight smile teasing at his lips as he lets go.

“Oh yeah… I’m engaged.” I say, almost feeling like I was being forced to admit something wrong.

“You didn’t tell me that!” He says amused, a slight silence between us after he pauses. “When did this happen?” He asks curiously.

“About seven months ago.” I say sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck.

“Well… I’m happy for you.” He says with a smile, but a different emotion seemed to linger behind his words.

“I’m sorry… I know he’s not the best,” I start, reflecting on how he lashed out on Josh, the evidence still clear from his bruised eye.

“Hey, you don’t need to apologize. We all... have our moments...” He explains hesitantly, rubbing his arm. I just- I hope you’re ok.” He admits.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… just seeing you after the fight and everything it just seemed like something happened. We don’t have to talk about it now, but I just want you to know you can talk to me about anything. Ok?”

“Ok. Thank you Josh.” I respond softly and he smiles.

“Of course.” He says genuinely and backs up from the parking spot, starting the drive back to Kass’s to drop me off.

Of course I felt like I could talk to Josh. It just felt weird after all this time to start laying my problems on him right away. And this day with him had been so nice, I didn’t want to tarnish it by ending it with a sad conversation. I look out the window, watching the tall buildings blur together as we enter onto the highway. My eyes start to feel heavy, the warmth of the heater, the softness of the music playing, and the comfort of josh’s presence putting me into a trance. I rest my head against my giraffe as I look out the window, slowly falling asleep.

The sleep was light, and my dreams weren't notable, being nothing but a jumble of confusing indecipherable events. I was quickly brought out of the trance when I felt a light touch on my shoulder, slightly starling me awake.

“Huh?”

“We’re here.” He softly chuckles. “You need help getting to the door?” He asks, slightly teasing as he referred to my sleepy state.

“Nooo, I’m good.” I say, stretching and rubbing my tired eyes, not looking forward to actually having to walk inside and get ready before I could sleep again.

“Alright, well thank you for coming along with me today, that was really fun.” He says with a smile.

“Of course, thank you for driving and planning that and everything! Let’s hang again soon pretty please, I need to see you more before you leave for tour.” I say, slightly saddened by the thought.

“Of course. Just text me and let me know whenever you’re free. Bye!”

“Byeee!” I say as I get out, holding Hubert closely to my side.

“Hey (Y/n)?” Josh asks quickly when I was about to shut the door.

“Yeah?”

“I- never mind. Have a good night.” He says with a conflicted smile.

“Oh ok, bye dude...” I say with a smile, slightly confused. I close the door and walk away, ready to crash for the night. I look back at Josh one last time once I unlock the door and step inside and he nods, driving off.

#josh dun x reader #josh dun #joshua dun #twenty øne piløts #tøp josh #tøp #twenty one pilots #josh dun fic #josh dun fan fic

27 notes · View notes