#must make new tag just in case i look for stuff bc ... i will forget 💔

[om340700]

i like to think that my mc has huge ass mer dca plushies & belphie takes them every once in a while

[whmp]

in case you're just here for the good stuff, i'll be tagging my personal ramblings as #whmpersonal so you can avoid em BUT this is tangentially related to the game project i'm working on, so stick around i guess? tl;dr: i'll probably make a more coherent post where I ask ppl for help (especially artists). also, i'll be more attentive and answer your asks faster, hopefully. : )

anyway, after a bit of a "review" of my creative process (and i guess my uhh way of living in general?) i've noticed that it's a huge clusterfuck. and that it has been since i was a kid. without some external pressure or an imposed structure (like deadlines, parents or strongly worded emails) i just sort of relied on random surges of productivity to carry me through life. on one hand, it's kinda fun: most of the time i'm not doing anything valuable and then all of a sudden i condense weeks worth of work into several sleepless days during which i feel like An Immortal Unstoppable God. lighting bolts shoot from my fingertips, my eyes glow in the dark, and my caffeine-to-blood volume ratio is hovering around 1.

unfortunately, it's not really sustainable. the "not doing anything valuable" stage that takes up most of my time is not me just chilling. it's me freaking the fuck out about not doing anything despite wanting to and finding myself just. not able to. not to mention that some things just need minor, but constant maintenance - at best i'd just forget about them and face the consequences later on. at worst i'd be acutely aware of them while procrastinating, clueless as to what's wrong with me.

couple that with a couple other unhealthy habits, a microscopic attention span and wow, i fit like all the criteria for adhd. i gotta admit i was super sceptical at first when doing any research, since, well. how the fuck am i even supposed to gain any unbiased insight into this. anyway, i spent a stupid amount of money on an official diagnosis (seriously why is this not covered by insurance gsygx), it took a million meetings and tests and i get a piece of paper that says i have add and deserve some medication.

this has also made me realize that i'm spread out super thin when it comes to projects. i love every single one of them, but im going to have to be a bit more realistic in terms of what can remain in "when it's done" limbo and what needs a bit of a push. the whump game is unique in that it's not just me who wants this to eventually get released. so! what this means is that it needs a proper, project structure. not a .txt on my desktop where i keep a backlog of missing features. but must important of all, it needs ~*people*~. this is the first time i took a step back and estimated how much time everything would take me and yeahhhh i was being very optimistic when i said "playable build in 2023" lol. i've been hesitant to ask for help bc 1. i'm stubborn : ) 2. im bad at coordinating stuff 3. i can't pay ppl - like seriously, there is one person making a model for me (if you're reading this sorry i didn't ask if you want a tag but this is just a personal post where i keep yapping) and it's looking so clean and professional,,, you gotta sell this as an asset.

HOWEVER im getting past the mentality of "i gotta do as much as i can by myself". and also taking meds so that im able to focus on tasks (both gamedev-related and others) and actually pay attention to what im doing. which is great news for development! and answering asks! ill be making a dev post where i tag all the ppl and will also ask for help.

that's it. im on a train rn and bored out of my mind so this is why this post exists, sorry. anyway check out this screenshot of a moment in clone high that i relate to deeply.

[caitybug]

Prompt: "Call me when you get home?"

AHH! I love this kind of stuff. And I aggressively do this with my friends. 

I fluctuate between being the mom and dad friend for everyone it’s fine. 

Anyway, thanks for the prompt. I hope you enjoy it!

(I’m tagging @ninemagicks bc she wants weather-related situations and I’m but a vessel to help give her what she wants).

I’m stuck at the airport in New York after leaving on a business trip that I didn’t want to go on. It’s almost Christmas, it’s cold, and I want to be with Simon. 

I’m supposed to already be there with him but the weather has been too horrible back home. All flights to London are at a standstill. 

“Snow?” I say into the phone after he answers. “My flight has been pushed back another three hours because of the storm. I’m sorry I won’t be home tonight.”

We were going to order in curry.

I was going to snog him senseless.

“I hope they don’t push it back again,” he replies. I hear noises behind him, people talking. “I got stuck at work because of the storm too, so I’ll be here late. The roads are awful, no one can seem to get in.”

“How much longer do you think you’ll be there?” I ask. 

I hear someone nearby talk about people getting hurt on the road. There is black ice so cars keep sliding around. A small sense of nervousness starts to peak its way into my chest. 

“I’m not sure,” he responds. I hear the noises muffle. He must have moved into the back room. “Maybe until close.”

I can see him in his stupid work apron. It’s green and absolutely hideous, but still infuriatingly charming. I’m sure he’s frazzled and tired since his shift started at nine this morning, hair probably wildly sticking up in tiny poofs. 

I look at my phone to check the time. It’s 4 pm, meaning it’s already 9 there. 12 hours at the shop.

“Have you eaten?” I ask.

I’m sure he didn’t bring food with him. He was only supposed to be there for a few hours.

Even if he was to be there this long he would have forgotten.

“Yeah, I bought a sandwich,” he replies.

It’s quiet for a moment. I hear a baby cry nearby, parents frantically trying to get it to calm down.

“Good good,” I mutter. 

It’s quiet for another moment.

“I should probably-” he says at the same time I say “I don’t want to-”

We both pause

“You go first,” he chuckles. 

“I don’t want to keep you,” I say.

I do. I want him to hide from his boss and stay on the phone with me. I’d much rather listen to him droll on about some comic book than listen to this mother yell at her teenage daughter again. 

But it’s unfair of me to do that to him.

“Yeah,” he replies. “I was going to say I should probably go. Boss wants me to try to shovel part of the walk.”

I nod.

“Will you call me when you get home?” I ask.

Because I’m nervous. 

Because I worry.

Because I want to know he made it home safe.

Because I want to hear his voice. 

“Of course,” he says. I swear I can hear his smile. 

“Good. Be safe,” I tell him. “Will you walk?”

“Probably yeah. No sense in messing with cars or the bus right now. We’re not that far away.”

I’m thinking of his old ratty shoes.

There’s not enough traction on them.

“Let me know when your flight takes off, yeah?” 

I clear my throat.

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” 

“Good. Talk to you later, Baz.” 

“Talk to you later, Simon.”

The phone beeps and I already feel antsy.

I text him a quick ‘let me know when you leave the shop’ as well. As long as he is at the shop he’s fine, but when he leaves I can judge properly how long it might take.

Just in case I don’t hear and I need to do something.

“Flight 3546 to London is canceled,” I hear over the speaker.

“Fuck,” I breath out.

The middle-aged mother across from me gives me a dirty look.

Flight is canceled, going to rebook. I text Simon. Going to rent a hotel for the night. Don’t forget to call. 

I slip the phone back into my pocket and head to find a hotel. 

________

Simon does end up slipping on the sidewalk but makes it home in one piece.

We fall asleep on the phone, but not until after I order him a new pair of shoes.

[katahnisharma]

meeting the family | t.h.

Can we get a head connon with meeting Toms family? Please love and I love your writings - requested by @tomholland64

oh my gosh, i love this! and thank you so much ♡ i had to repost bc my tags didn’t work the first time, sorry!

When Tom first brought up meeting his family, you were taking a walk in the park with Tessa

You were like afgjndf okay??

Because you were freaking out, who wouldn’t be?

You loved Tom, and meeting the family was a big deal because Tom was super close to them

Somehow you managed to go “yeah that’d be nice” and then afterward proceeded to go into panic mode

Tom found it cute, that you were so nervous because it meant that you really wanted them to like you

You kept asking him about everyone so you could make conversation and not sound like an idiot

“So Harry likes photography? Okay, I need to research famous photographers and camera types.”

“Sam likes cooking right? Lol then how come you suck at it, Tommy?”

*Tom stares off into the distance like he’s on the Office*

“Does Paddy like legos or is he too old for that? I bet he likes Star Wars though”

You took notes on everything Tom told you, and then did your own research because Tom was pretty useless

“Love, even I don’t know this much about my family, how did you find this stuff out?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy?”

Tom couldn’t stop laughing when you made him take you golfing so you wouldn’t look bad in front of Dom (you know, just in case), and you kept missing the ball completely

But he took you for ice cream after so it was all good

Then D-day came and you were running around like a headless chicken, trying to appear calm and composed

Tom had been ready ages ago, and now he was just watching you race around with a stupid smirk on his face

“Oh my god, I can’t wear this! What was I thinking?”

Your shared bedroom was a mess, clothes everywhere and jewelry strewn on the bed

Tom made a joke about an atomic bomb so you threw him out, you didn’t need that type of negativity right now

“But I live here too!”

“Try me, and you won’t for much longer bug boy”

Eventually you picked something that you felt good about and did your makeup

When you heard a little bark, you realized Tessa had been buried under a pile of clothes and had chewed up one of your dresses

But you just couldn’t stay mad at her so you ended up smothering her in kisses instead

“Can we go now?” Tom whined because he’s a literal five year old you and can’t argue this point with me

You finally emerged in a blush pink floral tea dress and the least annoying pair of heels you owned, giving him a tiny spin

“Does this look like I didn’t try too hard but also that I tried really hard?”

“What does that even mean?”

“Like I put thought into it but I’m also super chill, because that’s the vibe I’m going for here”

“You look hot, maybe I can cancel and we can just stay here and…you know…”

At this point you throw your clutch at him and he peppers your face with kisses because you guys are adorable™

So now you’re driving to Tom’s house, your heart beating so loudly you can hear it

Tom is playing some CD he bought while the two of you went record shopping and he keeps one hand on your thigh protectively

What, you looked really gorgeous? He could never keep his hands off you.

He kept telling you that you looked beautiful and had nothing to worry about, but did he expect you to believe him?

Meeting your boyfriend’s family is nerve-wracking, according to like every romcom ever

The drive was way too short in your opinion, and you literally refused to get out of the car for a few minutes

“Darling, you have to actually get out to meet them. I don’t think they’ll fit in here.”

“Tom, I can’t do this. They’re going to hate me and break us up like in Monster-In-Law!”

????????? Tom.exe has stopped working

“Okay, if you’re talking about the movie with JLo, don’t they end up together? And would you stop worrying, they’re going to love you. I talk about you all the time, I promise it’ll be fine”

Tom basically drags you out of the car, you clutching the bottle of wine and flowers you bought and trying not to trip

When he rings the doorbell, he holds your hand to calm you down

And also to stop you from running because let’s be honest, you were considering it

“Have I told you recently that you’re too pretty for me and I’m so lucky?”

“I mean…..maybe…..”

The door opens and your heart almost stops because the entire Holland family is standing in the doorway and smiling at you

You now realize where Tom gets his looks from because the entire family is GORGEOUS???

“Um, can we come inside first before you ambush her?”

Nikki gives you a hug immediately, thanking you for the flowers which just so happened to be her favorite

Heh, what a coincidence you totally did not pester Tom about it

Dom loves the wine, and is impressed when you tell him where it comes from

Tom is trying not to laugh because he’s the actually the one that bought the wine, but he won’t tell them that because you’re finally at ease

The twins love you already, because they can tell you make Tom really happy and you’re so sweet

Like you actually try talking about photography with Harry, who can tell you know nothing about it but he’s touched

And when you tell Sam that you wished you could cook, he actually offered to teach you just to spend more time with you

Paddy has officially made a new friend and big sister, and he begs Tom to bring you over more often so you can watch movies together because in his words

“She’s way cooler than you”

“Gee, thanks.”

Nikki thinks you’re wonderful, she’s very happy Tom found you and she can’t stop smiling at the two of you. She’s seen her fair share of girls and you’re already her favorite, especially when you offered to help her set the table and clean up after

Dom got to talk to you when Tom went outside with the boys to kick a soccer ball around, and he was really surprised to find you so intelligent too. You could hold your own and you had a strong mind and he appreciated that

He listened to you talk about world events and college and Nikki came to listen too and she loves that you know so much

“Dom, she’s so smart!”

When the boys come back in they try to understand what you’re talking about but it’s a big ?????

Tom is both low-key jealous and also really happy that his family has basically adopted you and likes you more than him

“Hey, it’s your eldest son remember me?”

“Tom, Y/N was just telling us about her classes! Did you know she’s majoring in Chemical Engineering?”

“Well, yeah I’m her boyfriend.”

Sam and Harry basically talk your ear off during Lunch, until Nikki tells them to knock it off because Tom is being pouty

“Mates, she’s my girlfriend and I wanna sit next to her.”

“You snooze you lose Tom”

He was an upset boi until you kissed him and told him that you would sit next to him after Lunch

Paddy tells you about his school and wants to know how you decided what you wanted to do but you tell him that he’s got plenty of time to figure that out and he should enjoy school in the meantime

After Lunch everyone sits outside in the garden and drinks while the sun sets because the aesthetic, ya feel?

“You better marry her, Tom.” Nikki whispers when you go play with Paddy

“Don’t worry, I’ve already got the ring”

Eventually it’s time for you and Tom to leave and everyone is sad about it because they love you

“Don’t forget to call us and you’re welcome any time.” Nikki sends a ton of food with you and Dom apologizes because you’re actually about to fall over and the boys can’t stop laughing

“Bye, everyone!” You finally finished hugging everyone and promising you’ll be back when Tom literally picks you up and takes you back to the car

“Hey, I wasn’t done saying goodbye!”

“You can call them later, we’d literally be 85 by the time you finish”

The entire car ride back you can’t stop gushing about Tom’s family and how great they are and Tom just can’t stop smiling

Because he’s so happy you like them and that they like you, it’s everything to him and he can’t wait to bring you around all the time

Tom will never admit it, but he was super nervous too and the fact that it all went perfectly means you must be “the one”

And with the ring in his jacket pocket, he can’t wait to solidify it and finally make you Mrs. Holland too

requests open!

[kae-karo]

to the stars that burn (dabihawks)

i’m so sorry there’s no happy ending i’m blaming the dabihauxs for this. credit (with permission) for touya's hero name to flightofbats on tiktok from their flashpoint au (x)

to the stars that burn - T - 3.9k

tags: angst without a happy ending, childhood friends au, dabi is touya and he’s in the same commission program as hawks, here have some emotions

----------

“Did you know that stars burn themselves up sometimes?” Flashpoint’s voice is really quiet when he talks, and Hawks lets his arm fall back down.

“I didn’t know that.”

the childhood friends au where dabi and hawks are in the same program at the commission and it's sAD bc the damn server made me have Emotions

[read on ao3]

------

“Keigo!” Hawks sucks in a breath, eyes wide when he turns around. Touya- no, no, they’re not supposed to use those names. Hawks isn’t even supposed to know that name.

Flashpoint runs up, kind of breathing fast and smiling at him. Hawks doesn’t want to smile, because Flashpoint is using the name that’ll get him in trouble, but he can’t help it.

So he squishes his face up instead, because that’s totally not a smile. And he’s mad, Hawks is mad because if he gets mad at Flashpoint, maybe they won’t.

“Hawks,” Hawks says, trying to make his face angry. He thought Flashpoint just had a hard time remembering, maybe - Hawks did, at first - but he keeps saying Hawks shouldn’t forget, that he should keep his- keep the name he had before.

“Whatever.” He’s still smiling by the time he slows down next to Hawks, and Hawks stares hard at him for a few more seconds before the dark marks on his skin start to make Hawks worry. He has to drop his head, then, and stare at his shoes, because he doesn’t want to think about it too much.

“You wanna go up on the roof tonight?” Hawks’ face scrunches up again - why does he always want to get them in trouble? Not that Hawks can’t deal with the punishment, obviously. He did really well in torture training, that’s what Kaneko-sensei said. Didn’t even flinch, except just one time.

They put fire up to his feathers, and it scared him.

“We’re not allowed, Flash.” He just nudges Hawks, though, digging his elbow into Hawks’ arm like it doesn’t bother his burned skin at all. He did a good job in torture training, too, he said.

“Aw, come on, Hawks. Don’t birds just love the sky?” Hawks presses his lips together hard. It’s not fair, he thinks. Flashpoint always says the same thing, and then he smiles and says it’ll be fine, and Hawks doesn’t really know how to say no. He doesn’t want to disappoint him.

He tried, once - telling Flashpoint he didn’t want to go. He’d called Hawks a liar, and frowned so hard Hawks thought his burns might rip open. It’d happened before, once, during training, and Hawks had felt so sick when he saw it that he had to be sent to the nurse.

Flashpoint had gotten in trouble on his own, when Hawks didn’t go to the roof with him, and the burned parts of his skin looked really bad the next morning.

“It’ll be fine,” Flashpoint says, exactly like Hawks thought he would. Even though it’s never been fine, they always get in trouble. Flashpoint always says it was his idea, and he stares really hard at Hawks, and Hawks has figured out that means he’s supposed to be quiet and not say anything.

Hawks’ shoes scuff against the ground, making an annoying little squeak every time he takes a step. He thinks really hard about the squeaking, because it’s better than thinking about what’s gonna happen if Hawks says yes, that he’ll go to the roof with Flashpoint.

But if he doesn’t go, then Flashpoint will be all alone.

And Hawks does like the sky.

“C’mon,” another elbow into Hawks’ arm, “you want to, don’t you?” Hawks glances over, then really wishes he didn’t. Cause Flashpoint is smiling big at him again, and maybe Kaneko-sensei told Hawks that making friends is a bad thing, but he thinks Flashpoint is kind of a friend, maybe. And he knows what happens if he says he’ll go.

“Okay, fine, but just for a little bit.” Flashpoint smiles even bigger, and he puts an arm over Hawks’ shoulder, and Hawks’ wings stretch out a little and he thinks it might not be as bad as Kaneko-sensei said, to have a friend.

----------

“Look, look, there’s another one!” Hawks thinks Flashpoint’s talking too loud, but he doesn’t say it. He also thinks they’ll get caught, but they haven’t yet. So Hawks looks to the end of Flashpoint’s finger and follows it all the way up to the night sky.

“Oh, I thought that was an airplane. Isn’t it?” He doesn’t tell Flashpoint, but sometimes he practices what Kaneko-sensei teaches them about how to talk, how to say things to get the kind of reaction they want. And he doesn’t want Flashpoint to be upset that he’s wrong, but he also doesn’t want him to think that’s actually a star when it’s just an airplane.

The ‘star’ flashes and moves, and Hawks blows out a breath. He isn’t really sad about it, but he likes it better when Flashpoint is happy.

So his whole body goes still when Flashpoint laughs, because it’s definitely too loud, and Hawks just said the star wasn’t a star. Why is Flashpoint happy?

“You’re right, Keigo.” Hawks flinches at his- not his name, not his name. The wrong name, he’s Hawks. He opens his mouth, about to correct Flashpoint, when a hand grabs his arm. “Oh, that one’s definitely a star.”

Hawks closes his mouth, because it is a star this time.

-----------

“I want to run away.” Hawks’ eyes go wide.

“R-run? Why?” He keeps his voice quiet, and Flashpoint isn’t too far away. He doesn’t want Kaneko-sensei to show up now, cause Flashpoint would probably get a really bad punishment for saying he wanted to leave.

“It’s bad here.” Hawks frowns - but they have a place to stay, they have food, they’re training to become heroes. What’s so bad about it?

He doesn’t say that out loud, though, because Flashpoint doesn’t say anything without a reason. And he likes to talk, when he has stuff inside his head. So Hawks waits.

Fire, blue and bright like Flashpoint’s eyes, moves up his arms all of a sudden, and Hawks sucks in a breath. His wings stretch back a little, ready to pull him away. Flashpoint must notice, though, because he looks over with wide eyes and suddenly the fire is gone.

“You know I’d never hurt you, right?” Hawks dips his head, and reddish-orange fire flares up behind his eyes. Close to his wings, hot, and too close. Not blue fire, though. Never blue fire.

“Keigo,” Hawks glances up, “you know that, right?” Flashpoint’s watching him, his face scrunched up in a way that makes Hawks’ stomach twist. Finally, after a long time, Hawks takes a deep breath and nods.

Immediately, Flashpoint’s shoulders drop, and the corner of his mouth lifts.

“Why do you keep using the wrong name?” He kind of wants to ask why Flashpoint thinks it’s bad here, because he didn’t tell Hawks yet, but now it feels like the wrong thing to say.

He always tells Hawks the same thing, though, about his name: that it’s who he is, that remembering is good. Hawks isn’t really sure he agrees, but maybe if he asks enough times, Flashpoint will give him an answer that makes sense.

“Cause, Keigo,” wrong name, wrong name, “it’s mine.” He stares up at the sky again, and Hawks frowns.

“Well Flashpoint is yours, too.” The side of Flashpoint’s mouth turns up, a kind-of smile.

“Nah, Flashpoint is just who Kaneko-sensei wants me to be.” Hawks’ face scrunches up. “But I want to be who I was before.”

“I thought you didn’t like, um, before?” He only talked about it one time, when he was really angry at something Kaneko-sensei made him do. He wouldn’t tell Hawks what it was, but he said he wished he could go back. That it was bad before, too, but maybe it wasn’t as bad as here.

Flashpoint turns to him, away from the night sky and the stars, and tilts his head.

“I dunno, I didn’t. I don’t. But I don’t really like being Flashpoint either.” Being Flashpoint, like it’s a costume he can put on and take off whenever he wants to be someone else. Hawks stretches his wings out again, checking the air to feel if Kaneko-sensei has come to punish them yet.

Silence, just Flashpoint’s heartbeat. It’s a nice sound, he thinks.

“Who do you want to be?” Hawks is quiet, still, just in case. Flashpoint smiles big, then, and Hawks isn’t sure he understands why.

“Someone good, I think. Better than Flashpoint, better than Touya.”

Hawks doesn’t say that he thinks Flashpoint is already good.

------------

Four. He counted them without even trying. He’s seen Flashpoint too many times not to recognize new burns.

“Hey Hawks.” He sounds bad, he sounds like...whatever the opposite of happy is. Hawks doesn��t think it’s sad, exactly, just...not-happy. His wings arch back a little, but he can’t sense anything different in Flashpoint’s heartbeat or his breathing.

“Hi Flash.” Blue eyes glance over to meet Hawks’, and his lips press into a straight line. Hawks’ stomach feels weird, bad-weird, but he doesn’t say anything.

Flashpoint went to the roof without him last night. Kaneko-sensei said if Hawks went up there again, he wouldn’t be allowed to train with Flashpoint anymore, so he didn’t go. He didn’t sleep, either.

“Sorry.” He says it really quiet, hopefully too quiet for anyone else to hear, but he’s close to Flashpoint and he leans in a little more, and he thinks Flashpoint heard him. Except he doesn’t say anything back, and that only makes Hawks’ stomach feel even worse.

---------

“Why won’t you talk to me?” Eleven minutes. It took Hawks eleven minutes to decide that he was going up to the roof after being sent back to his room for the night. Actually, it only took him two minutes, but he spent the other nine trying to convince himself not to.

But then he thought of Flashpoint and how he hasn’t seen him smile in two whole weeks and the only time he’s ever seen him smile a lot was on the roof and Flashpoint would probably be up here even though the burns keep getting worse and Hawks knows it isn’t just from his quirk like Kaneko-sensei says and-

“What are you doing up here, Keigo? You’re gonna get in trouble.” He sounds...not mad, or sad, just not-happy again. Like he’s saying words, but they don’t really mean anything. Hawks doesn’t even try to correct him on the name this time.

Instead, he takes a few steps forward, toward where Flashpoint is sitting on the edge of the roof, his feet dangling over the side. Hawks never understood how he felt okay doing that when he can’t fly.

Flashpoint always said it felt kind of like flying, or at least he thought it did, that he could pretend he had wings while he looked up at the sky. Hawks had promised him that once his wings were strong enough, he’d show him what flying really felt like.

“Go back to your room.” Hawks’ feet stop moving.

“Are you mad at me?” He’s surprised by the long, slow breath Flashpoint takes in, like he’s trying to calm down. His heart isn’t beating that fast, though, Hawks can tell.

“I’m not mad at you, Keigo.” Hawks’ face scrunches up.

“But you don’t want to talk to me?” Somehow, that feels a lot worse. If Flashpoint were mad, at least Hawks could try to fix it, say he’s sorry and he won’t do whatever it is that made Flashpoint mad in the first place. But what is he supposed to do if Flashpoint just...doesn’t want to talk to him?

“I want to.”

Hawks can’t decide if he should feel happy or worried now - Flashpoint has that voice he sometimes uses, the one that sounds like trouble. He’s facing away, but Hawks is pretty sure he has a half-smile on his face, and he almost wishes he could see it. Because at least Flashpoint might be smiling.

“Okay, then just talk to me?” There’s something that isn’t being said, Hawks knows, but he isn’t really sure what it is. A reason for why Flashpoint won’t talk to him. And if he waits, maybe Flashpoint will tell him.

But he doesn’t say anything, not for a really long time, and Hawks’ stomach twists up as he tries to figure out what to do. He doesn’t want to make Flashpoint more mad, or whatever he is, by trying to get him to talk. But he also doesn’t want to just...leave. Cause he doesn’t really know what’s happening, or why Flashpoint won’t talk to him, and-

And he misses it. He misses having a...a friend.

So he walks over super slow, as slow as he can, because that feels like the right thing to do. Like Flashpoint is a scared animal, even though Hawks is pretty sure he’s never seen Flashpoint be scared of anything ever.

He doesn’t move when Hawks climbs up onto the edge of the roof next to him, just keeps staring up at the sky. His legs swing a little, like the breeze is moving them the way it moves Hawks’ feathers.

But Flashpoint doesn’t get mad at him, so he sits, lets his wings stretch out behind him, and hopes that this is okay. Because if it’s not okay, he doesn’t really know what is okay, and what Flashpoint wants, and what will make him stop ignoring Hawks.

And what will make him smile again.

“I think…” Hawks points up at the night sky, because this is the only thing he can think of. “I think that one’s a star.” He watches Flashpoint from the corner of his eye, hoping he’ll look over, but he’s still looking up at the sky. Not at Hawks.

“Did you know that stars burn themselves up sometimes?” Flashpoint’s voice is really quiet when he talks, and Hawks lets his arm fall back down.

“I didn’t know that.” Flashpoint is way smarter than Hawks, he knows all kinds of things. Hawks isn’t really sure this is a thing he wants to hear, though, cause Flashpoint sounds kind of sad about it.

“Sometimes, I think maybe I’m a star. And I got stuck here, instead of up there.” He points, and Hawks follows his finger to the sky. His stomach twists - he feels like that, too, sometimes. When he really wants to fly, but Kaneko-sensei won’t let him. Later, he always says.

Flashpoint could be a star, Hawks thinks. He’s bright like one, especially when he smiles. And his fire, even though it’s kinda scary, does look a lot like the stars.

“I’ll take you up there, you can be a star,” Hawks says without thinking. He promised, once he could fly well enough to carry Flashpoint.

Flashpoint just blows out a breath that kind of sounds like a laugh, except that he’s only smiling a little bit.

“I’m afraid I’ll burn up before then, Keigo.” Afraid? Flashpoint’s afraid? Hawks doesn’t look over all the way, because he doesn’t want Flashpoint to know that he’s staring, but...but his burns look worse, don’t they? Maybe Kaneko-sensei was right, maybe his fire is hurting him too much.

“Don’t say that.” Don’t say it, because Flashpoint is smart, he knows more than Hawks does. And if he says it, then he’s probably right.

Flashpoint turns toward him, then, and he looks sad. He’s sort of smiling, but it’s sad.

“Don’t worry, Keigo, I’ll be fine.” He reaches out and grabs Hawks’ hand, and it’s warm and Hawks wants to believe him really really badly. Except that when Flashpoint says things will be fine, he’s always lying.

Hawks looks back over his shoulder, lets his wings stretch out all the way to feel the air for any sign that they’re not alone. But all he feels is the soft sound of Flashpoint’s heartbeat, the rustling that means he’s breathing slow and calm.

“Promise, Touya?” It sounds weird when he says it, he thinks, because Flashpoint is Flashpoint. But he told Hawks his name once, and Kaneko-sensei said to always remember important things, and Hawks thought that it was maybe an important thing. So he held onto the name the same way he held onto- well, onto Keigo.

Flashpoint is quiet, so Hawks turns his head just enough to look at him from the corner of his eye.

He’s...smiling. It’s a small one, really small for Flashpoint, but it’s a real smile. It’s more than Hawks has seen in two weeks.

“Promise.” He squeezes Hawks’ hand, and Hawks almost believes him. A few seconds pass, and Hawks thinks about Flashpoint and what it means that Hawks just said his...his real name, and why it made him smile like that.

“Hey,” Flashpoint squeezes his hand again. “Will you promise me something, too?” Hawks nods - anything, anything Flashpoint wants. “Don’t forget who I am. Don't forget who you are, either, Keigo. Okay?”

The words burn through Hawks like fire, like Flash- like Touya’s fire. He nods.

---------

It’s weird, inside his head. He’s Hawks.

But...but he promised Flash- Touya, he promised Touya. And then Touya had taken all of the punishment Keigo was supposed to get for going up to the roof that night. He said he’d dragged Keigo out there, forced him to come along. Kaneko-sensei didn’t believe him, not even a little bit, but he still didn’t punish Keigo at all. And he punished Touya extra bad.

For the first time in over a year, Keigo was sick the whole rest of the night.

He didn’t go to the nurse, or tell Kaneko-san, or tell Touya, even. How could he tell Touya, after it was all Keigo’s fault? Keigo couldn’t even look at him the next morning, at the burns turning his skin all kinds of bad colors.

And Touya had smiled at him. Just a little, but he smiled, and Keigo was afraid he might be sick again.

‘Don’t forget who you are, Keigo,’ he said, and Keigo thought that’s the least he could do, keeping his promise. He can’t reverse time, he can’t fix Touya’s burns, but he can do what Touya said. He can remember who they are, their...their real names.

After all, isn’t that what Kaneko-sensei has been trying to teach him? How to pretend to be someone he isn’t? So he can pretend to be Hawks, and he can still be Keigo inside his head. And he can remember that Touya is Touya and not Flashpoint, and that his name makes him smile, and that he likes to look up at the stars.

---------

Attack the mannequins like he’s always done. Blindfolded, obviously. But everything feels different. He knows it’s different. They tell him it’s the same, of course they do. He can tell they’re lying, faster heart rates. More heart rates. They sound like tiny hummingbirds. Keigo wishes they were hummingbirds.

Fast breathing, too, but it isn’t theirs. It isn’t Keigo’s either, but his starts to speed up. They tell him to attack when he hears the buzzer, just like he always does. This is no different.

It’s very different.

He can feel it, the soft weight of his feathers sinking into something that isn’t plastic. It’s wet, it’s warm. It clogs his senses, and his eyes widen behind the blindfold as if he could somehow see through it.

It’s wrong. It’s wrong, he knows it, but they tell him he’s done well. Excellent, even. Better than expected. He stays too still, because he’s supposed to stay still. But also because moving feels wrong, moving makes this real. Moving means that he can never go back, can never undo what he just did.

He can still feel it, when the- when the mannequins...no, they’re just mannequins. They told him they’re mannequins. He believes them. He has to believe them.

If he could cut off his connection to those feathers, he would. He can’t, but god, he wants to.

Warm. Warm warm warm and wet and he can feel his hands shaking. Kaneko-sensei tells him to turn around, to remove the blindfold and exit the room. Keigo’s hands stop shaking. Kaneko-sensei will be angry at Keigo if his hands shake. This is the same as it always is. He can’t feel the-

No. There is nothing on the floor behind him. He does not look. He walks to the door, reaches up for the handle. His hand does not shake.

He feels it less, once the door has closed. And then he doesn’t feel it at all. Doesn’t feel the crushing weight of-

Nothing. He feels nothing.

----------

Touya doesn’t show up at the next training session.

He doesn’t show up during lunch.

He doesn’t show up that night, when Keigo rushes up to the roof. He doesn’t show up after hours and hours. The stars show up, twinkling like they’re laughing at Keigo.

Kaneko-sensei doesn’t show up to punish Keigo.

Touya doesn’t show up the next morning, or the morning after that, or the one after that.

Keigo doesn’t think about the stars. He doesn’t think about blue fire. He doesn’t think about a name he isn’t supposed to know for a friend he wasn’t supposed to have.

He doesn’t think about the mannequins that weren’t mannequins.

----------

“Takami Keigo.” Dabi’s voice drips with humor, with acid and laughter simmering just beneath the surface, and oh, it stings.

Keigo freezes. That name...that name, it is his and his alone to know. And the Commission’s, though they hardly count. They’d taught him it was not his, and he’d allowed himself that one act of defiance. So it is his.

And now Keigo freezes in shock and burns in tandem, because Dabi has him pinned, fire singeing every inch of his back.

“Who are you?” he hisses. This matters, he reasons - for this task, of course, to know the League inside and out, and to the Commission in general. It’s paramount that he track down the leak that’d lead to Dabi acquiring his real name, that he figure out which of their employees is compromised.

And perhaps it’s a bonus if he can take his name back from whoever stole it from Keigo, whoever gave it to Dabi so flippantly. It belongs only to Keigo, and he has not given that gift to anyone else.

Almost nobody. Bright blue eyes flash at him, and he isn't sure if it's the horrible reality of Dabi staring down at him or the resurfacing of a memory he's long since buried.

Dabi grins, wild and unhinged, and Keigo can’t breathe for the smoke, but he grits his teeth. This pain at his back is nothing, the fear that claws at his throat is meaningless in the wake of Dabi's next words.

“Oh, Keigo…” His head tilts just a bit. "You don't remember? You promised not to forget.” A pause, only for a moment longer, as Keigo burns, as his heart begins to tear in two. “My name is Touya.”

And then he can’t breathe, and it has nothing to do with the smoke or the pain or the fear. He can’t breathe, because Touya…

He can see it now - god, how could he have missed it? How had he stood in front of Dabi time and time again, watched the burn of that blue fire and the bright blue eyes behind it, that grin that spoke of danger...how had he seen all of that and still been so blind?

Is it absurd of Keigo, then, to want to tell Dabi- to tell Touya that he didn't forget? That he could never forget the boy who smiled at his name and looked up at the stars?

[alatismeni-theitsa]

Do you have any advice for greek people in diaspora who want to de-assimilate? My family immigrated to america when my great grandparents came over, and im kinda struggling to reconnect with my heritage when everyone in my family likes to pretend it doesnt exist. I grew up speaking some greek but even my parents admitted they want to forget all their greek and its really heartbreaking to see

I am sorry your parents treat Greek culture like a secret in the family. :/ It breaks my heart as well. But I am actually amazed that some Greek has stayed in the family from the time of your great grandparents!

To begin, assimilating isn’t exactly bad. Many people through the centuries have moved to other countries and became citizens of the new place in every way. Sure, you leave your old customs behind but you get new ones and you become part of a new community. It’s a natural process, happening since the beginning of humanity. Of course, it comes down to personal choice. Your parents want to not stand out. You want to keep the best of the new culture and the old culture. 

I don’t want to assume things about you. Ι am saying this just in case you feel this way: please do not scorn the culture of the place where you live. Every culture is different and interesting, even if it seems mundane to you. The new culture is most likely the bigger part of you and it needs some care, too.

For example, I have spoken to many immigrants in the US and most of them dislike the US. At the same time, through our dicussions, they show me - and tell me - they couldn’t be less American. They had a very different upbringing than the people from their parents’ motherland. 

I think it would be best if you got comfortable with both sides of you, the Greek one and the assimilated one. If your children and your children’s children live away from Greece, they will get more and more assimilated. It’s impossible to de-assimilate completely and forever. As many other Greeks, I am planning to leave Greece in a very short time. It’s sad to think my traditions won’t continue to the next generations. But it’s a reality we must face - and we should probably try to be positive about it. 

That being said, it’s perfectly fine to have the desire to know more about your roots for whatever reason. So here is my advice to you:

1) You may want to read the history of Greece. All of it, not just from 300 BC to 100 AC as most foreigners do. Preferably, find works that have someone Greek as a writer or supervisor (because Greeks usually try to depict accurately what happened), or writers who truly feel Greece, like Richard Clogg. Our history and pain has shaped the way we look at the world and it’s a perspective you should be familiar with, since you are driving in! (Yes, more depression for everyone!)

2) Learn where your family comes from. Maybe by asking your grandparents or your parents you can learn the exact place/town or the geographical compartment of your family. Look for the specific dances and traditional costume of that area from YouTube videos or a Greek community in your area! See if the people there were great warriors, great merchants, great wine producers. See if there are any Greek heroes of the 1821 revolution coming from your place! 

That may need lots of Google searching but I think you will get somewhere. I am also availiable if you want me to give you more information about a specific place.

For every Greek tribe there is a tag on my blog, like #macedonia, #epirus, #thrace and more. I have tags for most of the towns, too! You can also search for the different Greek “tribes” (Pontiacs, Kappadokians, Thracians and so on) which are often named after the place they lived. Everyone falls into some of them and you probably come from one (or two) as well! 

3) Learn some more Greek. I suggest that because learning Greek means learning how Greeks think. I suppose you know the basics but how about the 20+ weird phrases we have to playfully say someone is gay, like “he flogs the dolphin”, “he shakes the pear tree” etc. What about the Greek phrases which stem from war and pirate raids and… hating the Turks?? How about the Mediterranean expressions like calling a mole “olive” or saying “I am in an open sea” when we feel lost, or saying “he pressed my oil out” when someone tires us?

Greekpod101 on YouTube will help you learn the basics and a little more! They also have a site. But basically going on Youtube and typing “learn Greek” will do the trick. For more weird or advanced stuff you can look at my tag #learn greek and #greek language.

4) Greek memes - Greek diaspora social media. They are surprisingly educational! @hooplagreeks on instagram is one of my fave meme profiles! Watch youtubers of Greek diaspora as “Greek in the City” or the Greek comedian Basile! On instagram you may want to follow @greekfestvictoria (videos of Greek dances and people, and photos of the community) and @newdiaspora (“a digital storytelling platform, focusing on the new generation of Greeks living abroad during the crisis in their homeland”) and @ greek_diaspora (some things for Greek culture).

On my tag #greek diaspora you may find more people like you! Some have asked me similar stuff so I may be repeating stuff in those posts as well.

5) Cook/eat Greek food. If your grandparents and mum know recipes, take them as if they are gold. It’s a great way to get familiar with the local Greek ingredients and the Greek palette. Heck, look for Greek recipes on the internet and cook them! If you don’t know where to start, my tag #greek cuisine may be helpful.

6) Read Greek classic literature (in Greek if you can, but you can also find works translated in English). Elitis, Sahtouris, Seferis, Venezis, Papadiamantis, Mirivilis, Delta, Empirikos, Zei, Kazantzakis are only a few of the literary gems Greeks have to offer. Enjoy good writing, the Greek perspective, and get to know the newer Greek society in a unique and authentic way. Here is a list with more of them (link).

7) Meet more Greeks! Through groups on insta or fb, through Tumblr blogs etc. Watch youtubers of Greek diaspora as “Greek in Town” or the comedian Basile! Maybe there is one Greek community near you area and you can pay a visit for festivals! (No day, Independence Day, 1st of March, Easter meal, Dance festivals etc). Don’t be shy to go there. From what I have seen, people from all backgrounds are welcome there. Plus, Greeks LOVE showing their culture so you are going to learn a lot of things from them. 

8) Be proud. I know it may sound kind of weird but I feel being proud is one key element of being Greek. In every anniversary wars we won, in our schools we sing prideful songs and hang posters with our war heroes, always standing proud. The students and the army parade in the streets the small children wearing traditional costumes (parade is kinda of a facist remnant - ew - but it shows that we want to instill pride even in our children. It has a few positive elements I guess :P). To sum up, be proud of a people who endured natural catastrophes, wars, genocide, famine, occupation, slaughters and slavery and can still stand!

9) Travel to Greece? I don’t know how affortable it is for you and how easy it is but I recommend it. Your tickets don’t need to be for summer. (Honestly, you may want to avoid summer. It’s too hot and too crowdy in tourist areas. Spring is our best season ;). You can come off season and just see the place and meet the people. See the species Grecus Hellenicus in its narutal habitat! Maybe you’ll make some new friends to discuss about Greek culture!

10) Search the tags on this blog. In #greek people you will see Greeks of every era, in  #vintage you will find old towns and traditional settings. In #paradosiaki foresia await some of the Greek traditional clothes. #greek language, #greek culture and #greek tradition, #greek festival, #greek music are self explanatory. 

I think that’s all I’ve got! Good luck in your journey and I am here if you need anything else :D You can dm me and ask stuff, anything you want! I would be happy to help you get in touch with your roots!

[chxrimoya]

im just posting this here so i have it later bc entertaining convo

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like anime.

You: hey whats up

Stranger: Not much, just chilling with my oniichan in my uchi you know?

You: damn wish i had an oniichan

You: im just hitoribocchi rn

Stranger: Yeah it's pretty easy to get when you are a kamisama like me you know?

Stranger: I am just a full on ikemen

Stranger: Got a harem

You: damn kamisama

You: gotta have a favorite tho right

Stranger: Of course

Stranger: Always the osananajimi

Stranger: Gotta respect the firsts

You: osananajimi always the best

You: maybe jus a little bit on tsun tsun, yknow

Stranger: Bro you understand me from my toes to my atama rn

Stranger: I like the kawaii girls that got the tsun tsun

You: damn bro im glad we could tsunagaru like this

Stranger: Bokumo I think this is a tokubestu connection

You: an honor for me to be nakama with kamisama

Stranger: I am laughing so hard rn I cant believe this is still going. Like majide??

You: sou, maji da yo

Stranger: Sounds like you study your nihongo all Majime and stuff

You: am i just gonna descend into full japanese

You: likewise my bro

Stranger: I think so my nakama

Stranger: Gotta go zenbu nihongo

You: it started as shuumi but now i have degree so

You: saikou no weeb da yo

Stranger: Oh I see bokumo started when I was a koukousei

You: i was only hontou majime when i was daigakusei

Stranger: Then I did it in Uni with a major in film minor in nihongo

Stranger: Okok

Stranger: 分かったwww

You: respect for my nakama to follow their dreams in kokosei

You: 草

You: i'm afraid i'm ちょっと下手 now from lack of use w

Stranger: これは最初に冗談だけど、ほんとに分かったwww

Stranger: Daijyoubu. I am the same

You: 感じ嫁できないｗ

You: i am a Fool in Man's Shoes

Stranger: Got my degree 3 years ago and habent studied since

You: what a fuckin mood

You: my usage is all in media consumption and music, honestly

Stranger: Okay kanjiless こらはさいしょにじょうだんだけど、ほんとにわかった

You: but i barely speak it lmao

Stranger: I see same

Stranger: I have no one to speak to

Stranger: Do you play games?

You: あぁそう、私も

Stranger: We could speak to each other! I was supposed to be sleeping so this must be fate

You: は～い

Stranger: Stay night

Stranger: If you know whatimean

You: I AM ZA BONE OBU MY SOARD

Stranger: What kind of games do you play? Any league or pubg?

You: i took a fat nap earlier so now i cant sleep

You: unmei da yo

Stranger: Hahah

Stranger: Where you from?

You: i quit league a while ago, but i was considering playing again tbh

Stranger: Omg

You: california!

Stranger: We can play together

Stranger: And talk

You: gonna have to catch me up on new meta tho

Stranger: Hey I am driving to LA in 2 hours lol

You: too many new items and changes MonkaS

Stranger: All good I'll nurture you my imouto

Stranger: XP

You: bruh good luck with the traffic lmao

You: only if i get sufficient headpats u_u

Stranger: I wanna die

Stranger: Of course you will! Uwu

Stranger: I always give cute bois headsets uwu

You: bro gimmie ya discord

Stranger: What's your discord?

You: ... bro

You: HAHA

You: eurae#9474

Stranger: We are on the same wavelength

You: icon should be of a nekomimi girl bc... im weak

Stranger: Added

Stranger: I think mine is a nekomimi boy so...

You: how can you be my kouhai if you're gonna be my oniichan :thinking:

Stranger: Shhhh

Stranger: Let it happen

You: so why you headed to LA anyway? work? o:

Stranger: Let this 23 yo onichan teach you the ways on how to be a bronze player in league of legends

You: bro we are the same age

Stranger: Work! I film!

Stranger: I am in Arizona rn

You: oh wow! do you travel a lot for work? o:

Stranger: From Canada tho! Going back tomorrow evening to the great white north!

Stranger: Here and there ^^

Stranger: I make the usual.

You: it's too hot here anyway q_q

Stranger: Wedding videos, music videos, commercials, porn

You: socal born and raised, still cant stand the heat

Stranger: Wait forget the last one

You: hey man why should i judge

Stranger: Which city?

You: how did our conversation start HAHA

Stranger: Haha just being silly xP

You: alhambra! it's about 30 mins out from LA

Stranger: Idk but it was amazing

Stranger: And it was fate legit

You: best laugh i've had in a while

Stranger: I was gonna sleep

You: honestly

Stranger: Before I clicked

Stranger: Then for some reason I didn't

Stranger: Idk shy

You: honestly i was about to close omegle because i kept getting kik bots

Stranger: Right????

Stranger: My god

You: "M 17 and horny" boy you are a MINOR

Stranger: The tag japanese is ONLY BOTS

Stranger: That's the one!!!

Stranger: Looking for weeb gf??

You: chris hansen? hello?

You: YEAH

You: almost got fuckin whiplash

Stranger: Omg

You: LOL

Stranger: Get Christmas on the line

You: konnichiwa keisatsu desuka?

Stranger: So you are Male too right just wondering?

Stranger: Loooool

You: 女だよ

Stranger: へええ まじで

You: そうよ！変かなぁ？ｗｗ

You: girls dont exist on the internet right lmao

Stranger: Well in that case *flexes arms* I hope you know I am at the top of my class. I main Vayne. Hit silver 3 last season yeah I am a total stud

Stranger: Hahaha right??? I play with a few actually and it is toooo funny when we play league with randoms xD

You: bro i can be your support and get mad when i flash+all in and die bc no one else followed up

Stranger: Hontoni omoshiroi

You: or jungle and feed

Stranger: Looo

Stranger: All seriousness

Stranger: I dont main Vayne anymore lol

You: it's been an age man, i played season 3-4

Stranger: I main twitch hit plat this season and also play a bit of top. I would love to play with you though! <3

Stranger: Damnnnnn I started in s5 lol

Stranger: What do you play nowadays?

Stranger: What are your hobbies?

You: my high school was chock full of league peeps man, i just got pulled in around then

Stranger: Same but I have a story about that hH

You: i draw? and for games, I lean pretty heavily into strategy/jrpg

You: i... quit league cause i got to be a picturesque toxic league player >____>

Stranger: I have too much I wanna talk about and I gotta sleep hehe I wont be home till late so talk to you day after? If you have tele you can text me there too uwu

You: oh yeah!! :3 we can trade numbers later!

Stranger: Ooh I would love to see your drawings and being toxic is bad! XP

You: wouldn't want you to die on yr 2 hr drive at 5mi/hr

You: LOL

Stranger: HahH

Stranger: Do you have telegram?

You: i don't! is that like a texting app? o:

Stranger: Mhmm! With loooooots of cute stickers!

You: s...stickers

Stranger: Mostly furries use it but it has cute anime ones too

You: i tried to use line for a while because of the stickers (poptepipic what's gud) but no one else used it qq

Stranger: Yeah! Just download it and I'll teach you!

You: guess it's time to make a fursona!

You: LOL

Stranger: I used line when I lived in Japan haha

You: o: you lived in japan omg

Stranger: Yup guess so! XD everyone has one nowadays! :p

Stranger: Download it and let me know wha TV your @ is and I'll add you!

Stranger: What your* not tv looool

Stranger: I did yeah for a year

You: does it go by name?

You: ... "tams loves catgirls"

Stranger: My tele is @imyourkohai

Stranger: If you go to send a message you can put that in and message me

Stranger: Lol yes that is right hahah

You: haha okay, i should let you get to sleep!!

Stranger: Okay!!!

You: do you have a call time or anything? o:

Stranger: Nini

Stranger: Nah just a meeting all g :3

You: okay!! haha oyasumi~ we'll talk more tmr :3

Stranger: Ouasumiii

Stranger has disconnected.