#my brain isn't a database

[ponlypone]

"You're a monster..!!"

1. To Subaru - Anime: S1

2. To Felt - Side Story: "Felt-chan's Imprisonment Life"

3. To Regulus - Anime: S3

4. Some Side Story (Wow I Forgot Which but I Sure Do Remember Some of Reinhard's Lines)

Ha. Isn't it funny that these two who got the reputation of being [the ones who treat him like human] are also [the ones who have ever called him monster]

[m4mmonthebest]

(ФωФ) may I request a reader born with 2 dicks? You can choose the databases I ain't picky ヽ(*≧ω≦)ﾉ

2 dicks? Okay so you know I gotta pick Eddie and Volt for this right lmao.

AMAB Reader - AMAB Volt and Eddie.

The first time you three had sex together, you weren't even sure how to begin.

"Okay. So, I have something to tell you guys."

Their faces are already flustered, having been making out with you and also between each other for a while now.

"What is it... Livewire?"

You scratch your head, thinking of the best way to say what you want to say, but decide that the best way to do that is to simply show them.

You hold their wrists, and make them touch your crotch. Immediately after doing that they both look down quickly with an extremely bewildered, shocked expression.

"Wait what the fuck?"

"You can take my pants off."

The gears on their brains are turning as their eyes widen and the blush on their face becomes a really bright red.

Eddie hesitates, but Volt slowly undoes your pants, leaving you only in your underwear.

You can hear them swallowing loudly, as they see both of your lengths hard and dripping straining against your underwear.

"F-fuck I didn't even know that was possible."

"It's... pretty rare."

Volt bites his lip, it's like you were made for both of them to taste. Both the men remove your boxers, and then your lengths spring.

You're big, both of your cocks are. Which makes them press their legs together as they kneel in front of you, expectantly.

Your hands go for both of their jaws, holding them gently as you bring them closer to your dicks. They waste no time, beginning to lick and savour your stiffness. Volt is always eager to please, bobbing his head up and down the cock he's sucking, making sure to use his mouth the way he would like to be pleased.

Eddie takes a bit more time, you know he has more shame than the other man, so he slowly licks at your sides, putting his lips around your tip and giving it swipes, trying to remember your taste.

You groan out loud at their movements, and you feel them shake in excitement at seeing how they work you up. Volt's mouth hastens its movements, now basically deepthroating you. Eddie takes you deeper inside his warm cavity, moaning in the process.

You decide that you'd like to fuck them both. But also see them doing it themselves.

"Enough."

They stop instantly, mouths leaving your cock with a pop. Their lips are red and glistening, it's an incredible view.

"D-did you not like it?"

Eddie's voice makes your heart warm up.

"That's not it. Get on all fours and turn around."

You can see the excitement filling their faces, it's like they lit up in a moment. They do as they're told, presenting their holes to you.

Eddie shifts, legs closed as he curves his spine enough for you to see the cute shape of his ass. Volt is more provocative, legs open, his cock hanging hard and proudly between his legs.

You massage their behinds, getting closer to the place they want to feel you the most.

And when you do you hear them groan.

Your fingers circle their holes, slowly pushing inside. The intrusion is welcomed by the two men, who've decided to hold each other's hands.

You pump your digits inside their warmness, and you can hear them sighing and letting out small weak moans.

When you insert two digits and begin to fasten your pace, they begin to crumble slowly.

"A-Ah! L-Livewire!"

Volt tries to fuck himself on your fingers, which earns him a slap to the glutes. He yelps, whining an apology.

"F-fuck...shit-"

Eddie isn't doing great, his back curves further, he somehow seems to both trying to get away from your touch and further in.

Your fingers quickly find their sweet spot, rewarding you with the cutest moans.

"A-Ah there! Please there! L-livewire~~~nnn!!!"

You're probably gonna get addicted to the way Volt begs when he really wants something.

"O-oh fffffuck--fuck!!!"

You see Eddie twitch, and that is enough for you to remove your fingers from their insides.

Eddie pants, while Volt whines at the emptiness, he wiggles his butt in an enticing way and looks at you with his lovely eyes.

"Livewire...mmhh...."

"Calm down, I'll give you what you both want in a second."

Your lengths are now positioned on their cheeks, of course Volt grinds onto one of your dicks, and you make sure to slap his ass for not doing as you say.

You can feel them clenching down on you as you begin to enter them, Eddie's mouth opens, gasps leave his throat as he tries to adjust to the feeling of your length inside.

Volt bites his lip, breathing hard as his insides get stretched out.

"Okay. Now, give me a show."

The boys are confused, the first one to get what you say is Eddie, which slowly begins to fuck himself on your cock. And seeing his beloved doing so makes Volt quickly do the same, getting close to Eddie's lips to place a sensual kiss.

Seeing them like that, kissing as they drop down and up on your lengths makes you throb. You can hear their moaning, brows furrowed together, face adorned by a deep blush.

"Aaann~!"

Volt gets your cock fully inside, wiggling his ass, provoking you.

"Brat... well, I can't not punish you."

You grab Eddie's shoulder roughly, which startles him, causing him to look at you as if he'd done something wrong.

"Don't worry Eddie. I think you'll like being collateral damage."

Before he can even wonder what you mean, you begin to thrust inside of them harshly and fast, knocking the air out of their lungs.

"hah- hah- hah- hah!!"

"F-fuck-fuck-nnnnngh!!!!!"

You can see drool spill out of Volt's mouth, eyes firmly shut.

"Livewire-livewire-l-livewire!!~"

That nickname you've come to love leaves Volt's mouth like a prayer, the sound of it begging you to please just punish him further.

"F-fuck I can't - please-"

Eddie's getting overstimulated, you know you're gonna have to pamper them both after this, as your cock unrelentingly pushes inside them.

You feel Eddie's legs giving out from below him, which you quickly make sure to prop him up by holding his hips. One last thrust and he comes hard with a breathless gasp.

"A-AGHHH!!!"

Feeling the other man beside him come, makes his body give out, splashing the floor with his seed.

You don't stop, the rhythm becoming jagged as your breathing catches in your throat.

When you come, they both whine quite intensely. Their insides keep you in place, warmness inviting.

Eddie is extremely tired. Volt is feeling on the moon, and when he feels your cum dripping down his legs he feels himself twitching.

You make sure to kiss them both, deep, passionately and intense, just the way you know they like. Their heads lay on your lap, one hand stroking Eddie's hair while the other rubs Volt's chin.

"Good job....I love you two."

Eddie snuggles closer to you, he doesn't seem to be in all of his faculties, but he's conscious enough to know he wants to be pampered.

Volt makes happy noises, you can't help but to think he looks a bit like a cat, in a sense.

You three think the same, wondering what other things you can get up to.

[average-mako-enjoyer]

Since I just saw a pretty cool post with Connor's idle animation, it's time to talk about the nature of these little calibrations he does all the time, because they fascinate me.

I know there's this idea in the fandom that all androids need to recalibrate from time to time, and that they especially need to do this after stress or exertion. If you have ever read any fic with an android from this game that involves sex, you know what kind of stress it usually is.

Personally, I'm not a fan of "humanizing" the machines. I think androids are fun because they are inhuman and their objective reality is completely different from ours. The fact that they are constantly aware of every single process in their bodies is fascinating, isn't it? Since they can understand humans and speak fluently, they have to run several language modules all the time. Plus security modules to prevent hacking. Plus visual recognition, plus all the specialized software for their primary functions.

What I mean is that even your standard domestic android like Kara is an immensely complex machine, running thousands of processes simultaneously just to fold Todd's laundry or talk to him about dinner. Why would she need to recalibrate? To take some of the load off her systems? To do a basic check-in of her body? All my parts are still connected and functioning normally? Something like that?

Meanwhile, Connor is much, much more complex than someone like Kara or even Marcus. All those analysis modules he runs all the time, all those database connections he constantly maintains. On top of that, he has to be faster and more agile than any existing android, and he has to do combat, reconstruction, and pre-construction. His "brain" has to be so fucking fast.

And that's what fascinates me. I think Connor's consciousness and how fast he thinks actually affects how he's connected to his body. His coin, all of his complex recalibration movements are necessary because all of his immense processing power is contained in such a small body. He literally has to slow himself down to just move properly. How cool is that?

I have this idea that Connor is actually much bigger than his body, and his consciousness is only partially uploaded to each of his chassises, and the only time we see him "whole" is during his conversations with Amanda. This may explain why he can upload himself on other bodies and why his calibrations are so elaborate. He needs to do more to connect with his physical body. (I actually drafted a whole fic that explores this idea)

[cicerfics]

Hiii <3 I have personally been thinking about my blorbos getting married. Do you have anything to say about 00Q and the topic of marriage? Perhaps?

Yes! I have ever so many thoughts on this topic!!

Personally, I think Bond is the type of person who actively would like to get married if he's feeling serious about someone. Like, I don't think just living together and being each other's emergency contact is 'enough' for him. I think he wants to formalize the commitment via marriage, and that's something that's important to him. I think that in the privacy of his own mind, he's downright sappy about the notion of being his beloved's 'husband'.

Now, I don't think Q is very sentimental about marriage, actually. I think he can take it or leave it, from an emotional standpoint! I think he'd be perfectly comfortable in a committed partnership that doesn't involve marriage. But I think the legal benefits/protections of marriage would be important to him (particularly as he and Bond lead dangerous lives) and I think it would be absolutely critical to him that he always had a bulletproof justification to be in Bond's hospital room and be a part of his medical decision-making.

So I think he'd be more than willing to get married, but for Q, it'd be a 'securing legal rights' type of thing, rather than a 'pledging our undying love and making a Commitment™'. (Bond, I think, is secretly excited about the emotional aspect of marriage, though! He's a cornball and he would like to pledge his undying love, please!)

I tend to believe that 00Q go for an improvised, off-the-cuff, low-key type of wedding. Either a quickie informal paperwork signing with just a couple friends/colleagues, or a full-on elopement. Or Q just straight-up hacks into the relevant databases and lists them as married (and/or whips up a marriage license for them, lol). I don't think they wait very long (if at all!) once they've decided to get married.

I can see them doing some vows in the privacy of their own home, but I don't think they'd be keen on doing any of that sort of thing in public. So if they do have any type of public/formal ceremony, I think it probably seems (to casually onlookers) a bit cold, brief, standardized, and transactional.

That's not at all how Bond and Q feel about the whole business. It's just that they can't bring themselves to Talk About Their Emotions In Public. Not even on their wedding day.

(Where's that viral post where someone says that when they're getting married and they're at the altar and about to say their vows, they plan to tell all the guests to plug their ears and look away because this part is NONE of their business? That's Bond and Q. For REAL.)

I tend to assume that Bond pops the question to Q simply because he feels more strongly about the marriage question than Q does. But I also ADORE fics where something happens to Bond and he wakes up a week later in a hospital bed to discover that Q hacked his way into Bond's records and now they are married. All because Q refused to be shut out all this and he wanted to be able to sleep at Bond's bedside while he was in a coma or whatever. So Q Took Measures.

OBSESSED with that. Q WOULD. Congrats on your surprise husband, Bond!

I am also very fond of my headcanon concepts where Q gets fed up with Bond making poor decisions and not taking care of himself, and Q is like...you know what? You are no longer allowed to be in charge of your own life! I'm marrying you and taking over all of this. I am taking over custody of you. You are now answerable to me regarding your personal safety, your health, and all general decision-making. Suck it.

Big fan of the idea that this happens right in the middle of a genuinely heated and bitter argument between them, and Bond's brain does the record-scratch noise as he tries to process what just happened.

(Q isn't even being cute about it, either. This is not an olive branch to end the argument. He's absolutely fucking furious with Bond right now. And yeah, he's going to marry Bond about it, but that does not mean he's feeling romantic about any of this. He's mad enough to chew glass, so don't get it twisted, James!!)

[esote-rika]

Once Upon a Dream | Spencer Reid

iv. i sleep so i can see you, or S.R. entries 5-8 | prev chapter | next chapter | series masterlist

September 12, 20—

Attached to this entry are a photocopied version of my results from my neurologist, the MRI scans and my therapist's recommended readings. I shall have to go through them soon, but it seems that the conclusion could be summed up into one line: 

My brain has sustained trauma

Both external, physical trauma from the bomb explosion, and the internal, psychological trauma of going through such an experience—and, truthfully, every other experience I've gone through in my years of being with the BAU. I've always thought I was good at compartmentalizing, and after fifteen years in service, I would be doing it so easily. Age meant experience, after all, and more experience meant more practice.

Unfortunately, that seems like it isn't the case for me right now. Perhaps there's nowhere else to compartmentalize in my head, and the trauma's catching up to me. My therapist told me not to think that way, and I know that's not logical, but at this point, nothing is really logical.

The dreams continue. I still cannot see her face, not clearly. Just the vague outline of her eyes, the rosebud mouth. And the hair. Long and abundant. Something about it made me itch to run my fingers through the strands, and she'd let me sometimes. I remember every single thing she had told me, most of which I have also disclosed on the next page. 

My therapist said to try to engage with the woman, that perhaps it will help me resolve any past issues with Maeve.

The problem was, it's not Maeve. She said it herself. She laughed when I called her Maeve. But then if she wasn't Maeve, then who was she? 

I am tempted to ask Garcia to do a search on her, but what am I even going to ask? “Hey, do you mind looking through our database to find this girl I've been dreaming about?” They'll think I've gone completely delusional…

Is that it? Is this schizophrenia rearing its ugly head? But, no, no, it can't be. The results from my scans are all here. It's not early onset schizophrenia, it's just… her.

This is a frustrating experience. I have scoured my collection for every book on dreams I have, as well as checked out the libraries nearby. I've requested to borrow their books as well. Everything from psychoanalysis to scholarly takes on divination and astrology. I cannot let a stone go unturned, as they say. 

I will find out who she is, one way or another.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: * the next page ☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Facts about her:

she dislikes the Pevear and Volokhonsky translations of Tolstoy (I made sure to recite the Maude translation for her, even though I'm not sure she really noticed the difference without a copy of the book. I had an irrational desire to impress her, and that seemed to do the trick.)

she’s always dressed in pastel colors, but her favorite color is maroon

her hair is dyed, although she does it herself and never goes to a hairdresser (she says it’s dry and never allows me to touch it)

she works in a law firm. she wouldn't tell me if she's a practicing lawyer. I've told her I work in law enforcement, but kept it vague as well.

her favorite novel is Gabriel Garcia Marquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude (we spent quite a few nights discussing this)

Perhaps next time, I can work up the courage and ask for her name.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

September 15, 20–

Freud has extensively written about dreams - manifest and latent, the remembered and the symbolic. Different meanings for both things. My manifest dreams have always been easy to decipher, because I remember everything, thus I have never really had to examine them. I remember them because of my eidetic memory, that's easy enough to explain.

I still have my eidetic memory.

But I'm having trouble remembering her. 

She's hazy now. I don't understand. Before, I just couldn't see her face, but she… she felt corporeal. I could touch her, hear the rich quality of her voice. Now, she's completely blurry, as if I'm viewing her through water, the flowing quality distorting her until she's nearly incomprehensible. It is harder to reach for her too, as if there's something physically separating us, I feel as though I'm looking through a glass aquarium.

Who is trapped in the aquarium in this analogy - she or I? I am not even sure why I mentioned that. I am just so baffled by the turn of events. We had been getting… I realize this sounds concerning. I’m freaking out over the loss of a dream girl - a literal one, in this case. Scholars have studied that too, that sense of loss one gets when they wake up from a dream. Of the brain being unable to decipher what is fictional and what is not.

It should be wrong to mourn for someone you've never truly even met but…

Well, I suppose I have a pattern. My coworkers would have a field day over this, which is why I simply cannot enlist their help. At least with Maeve, she had been real. I knew her name, knew she worked as a geneticist. At least our conversations had happened while we were both conscious.

But this? 

She could be a figment of my imagination, for all I know. (But she is not. She isn't. I just know it, I just  can't explain why - which circles back to my frustration. There's so much I can't explain. Why am I having a difficult time remembering my dreams now? Why is she suddenly so much more ghost-like when she seemed so real only a few days ago?

Why do I even care?

Science would be a logical response. I care because at my core, I am an academic, and this is a scientific anomaly. If I can find a reason to explain this, it would be quite a great feat and dream research has been flimsy at most, downright fraudulent at best. But aren't I also the same person who loves magic? Who believes that science and magic can go hand in hand - perhaps that's the course I should take with my readings. Intersections between science and magic.

But all of those explanations are null; in my heart of hearts I know why I care so much - because somehow, in those dreams that blur the lines between reality and fantasy, I've foolishly grown to care about her too.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

September 19, 20–

I have gone through every book I could get my hands on regarding this topic. I've stopped telling my therapist about it as well, because she's begun to grow suspicious and concerned over my behavior. Certainly, from afar, her concern isn't entirely unfounded. I realize I've been acting rather obsessively over this… what even is it? A dream? A hallucination? 

I've begun reading about lucid dreaming, which seems to be the logical explanation for this, for the woman I keep seeing even though the settings are different and I never encounter anyone else. But it adds up; I have never done any of the prior preparations in order to lucid dream, but I suppose the brain injury is exacerbating that. 

So I've been lucid dreaming. That's an easy enough pill to swallow. It also does make me feel hopeful, because… well, maybe she's a lucid dreamer too. According to the books, it's possible to encounter other lucid dreamers when one does this consciously. (Some books also claim that these might just be apparitions, or malevolent beings trying to pull me under their spell, so I must take this with a grain of salt). 

Still, this theory makes the most sense. She's another lucid dreamer. And that means… She's real. She's somewhere out there. And I'm going to find her.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

September 20, 20–

I cannot understand why she keeps fluttering in and out of my dreams now. I will admit, it's driving me up the wall. The books say sometimes, dreamers will move onto another place, but she's… she's still there. Just not like she used to. Is she actually a ghost? Is my lucid dreaming theory completely wrong, and I'm actually seeing a ghost, who's now perhaps in the process of crossing over?

I cannot dwell on it too much, the team has been called on a case, we're traveling to Massachusetts in an hour. I don't enjoy writing the details of my cases in this journal, because I do keep a separate one for that, but it's a surprising case. No real MO, but the victims are all regular patrons of a coffee shop. The earliest victim died nearly two months ago, but the local PD only now recognized the pattern, and asked for our help.

Normally, I would have no issue doing some reading on the side while we're on an active case. However, as much as I want to do that, I know my colleagues will notice if I'm distracted. And ask questions. Tara especially likes to ask about what I'm reading, and I cannot risk slipping up. And so, I shall leave this journal behind as well. I don't want my team finding it by mistake.

I have to write before I forget, and unfortunately this table napkin is the only place I can spare right now. I fell asleep on the jet, like I normally do. And she - I saw her. I saw her, in full detail. Her heart shaped face. She holds her lips in a way that's pulled down as if she's forever frowning in sadness. It makes her cheeks dimple. She must know that. Brown eyes, blonde -

This is an update for @prettylittlewrites and her alone (jk if u wanna be added to the tag list let me know) also this was so late, lovely I'm sorry. His journal entries actually give me so much anxiety I started this months ago and I feel like I haven't captured his voice that well but whateverrrrr

[studentbyday]

a september packed with purpose 🏵️ (goals for the 2024-2025 academic year)

an attempt to live a meaningful life even if it's really busy.

🎓 academic goals:

stay on top of my schoolwork. not feeling like i'm running after deadlines but staying organized, calm, and methodical, even if there's a lot.

change up my study strats! turn text into diagrams! shorter focus periods followed by an active break to ease myself into the semester!

study 8h per day or less if at all possible (for official schoolwork)

👩🏻‍🔬 career goals:

finish databases courses to increase my career capital (i sped read so good they can't ignore you this summer and it was both inspiring and practical - grateful for the feeling of having a roadmap...even if it's vague.)

do everything to become so good the lab i'm interested in joining can't ignore me (i have pretty much no current affiliation with them or their university so this is gonna be an uphill climb unless maybe i seem like a perfect fit...)

🌳 lifestyle and adulting goals:

develop a can-do attitude and work on my growth mindset

continue to practice driving at least 3x per week before it snows

become a 6AM girlie (or an 8PM girlie, if you're looking at the sleeping time lol) so i have a few hours of calm, focused silence in the morning which will minimize the amount of time i need to spend studying after dinner (planning to take advantage of the jet lag and the fact that the sun sets earlier in winter, making me sleepy sooner 😠)

re-gain some level of fitness to counter my couch potato summer habits and all the sitting i'll be doing this semester

🤸🏻‍♀️ more fun goals:

apply to volunteer with my local horticultural society and hopefully start volunteering soon (hoping to work on their newsletter as that's something i miss from my high school days! something familiar will also be good for easing into my "reintegration into society" era as a previously "studying hermit". perhaps once i get so comfortable i feel like i'm plateauing, i can branch into being a volunteer gardener! i have absolutely zero successful experience with plants, so it would be really nice to have some guidance from people who've made and maintained such pretty gardens in my community 💗)

make time for piano (ideally at least 1h 3-4 days of the week, but i will be happy if i even get to touch the keys for less than 1h of practice 3-4 days a week. if i can do this, then i can more reasonably justify getting a real acoustic piano at home and maybe even take lessons again when things get less busy...and i don't have to fear not making progress or even getting worse on the digital in the meantime because my fingers and brain get re-accustomed to the acoustic feel and sound options surprisingly, happily quickly even if i only get to play on one for a few days of a year, which is already quite a privilege 🥺🙏🏻 in the meantime, i need to maintain/improve my dexterity, sight-reading skills, and theory knowledge. i don't plan to read the theory book front to back anymore, i'll just read the bits i'm most interested in and maybe eventually that will mean covering the whole book but i won't start with that intention in mind 🤷🏻‍♀️)

sOmEhOw have the energy to comprehend even 1 duolingo lesson in japanese ~daily if only to one day get to a level where i can read more japanese books (and maybe even watch some animé without subs? no pressure tho since i'm very picky about animé 😂)

💭 nice to have but not pressing:

make it a habit to read a nerdy book or academic article that isn't directly for schoolwork to help me find my research interests, learn more about labs in my physical area, and/or re-ignite my passion for/sense of wonder with STEM and STEM-related issues 🔥

each week read something from suggested/recommended course reading lists if there are any

each month read a book completely unrelated to academics, something that distracts me or that feeds my soul or both (or if i can't do that, then just 1 such book each semester, i'm just after something rather than nothing)

🐝 productivity advice from one of my role models that i want to follow religiously this semester:

prioritize rest in order to think and act fast (10 hours of sleep! downtime! meditating! gentle exercise!)

schedule down to the minute but understand that as long as you're doing what you planned to do within the hour you planned to do it, you're good (that is assuming life doesn't happen and derail the entire day's plans but most days thankfully are not like that). give yourself lots of buffer (bigger, not smaller blocks of time in the calendar!).

understand that prioritizing means that you may fall behind in the unprioritized areas from time to time and have to catch up and that's completely expected and completely fine.

be selective about what you're "perfectionistic" with (it's not really about applying perfectionism, more like being picky about where you apply extreme conscientiousness). that is also part of prioritizing.

✏️ post schedule: 1-3x a week depending on time, energy, and what that means for my mental state 😅

[four-alligators-in-a-trenchcoat]

Update! 6 Months Post Flip-Phone

Yippie ki-yay y'all! Get a flip-phone. My first blogpost about this journey in my life was very technical, pros and cons about the transition to daily life with a flip phone, this blog-post is more vague about how it has affected me mentally. There haven't been many changes to my actual daily carry, but I'm attaching my EDC! I still use the Sunbeam Bluebird, but for those more interested in a review I will make a separate post, if you are deciding on which dumb phone to get I suggest you read it. Lets get into the actual updates!

What are the most prominent changes I have noticed?

Attention span/tolerance has gone up

The norm of physical attractiveness is much different now

Tasks and chores are manageable and commonplace

I have higher standards about the content I consume

Social life hasn't changed much, but if anything it got better

Depression? Disassociation? Not gone, but significantly decreased by at least 70%

Lets start with the first one, attention span. Good God. I used to feel antsy in every situation, even if I wanted to be somewhere I was always absentmindedly thinking about when it would end and I could retreat back into the comfort of my smartphone. That sort reaction is so mentally draining and one of the small things I hadn't noticed until retreating wasn't an option anymore. With a flip-phone? Im eager to be everywhere for as long as possible! Events and little socials have regained their magic and joy! I am more tolerant towards things that would have felt like a waste of energy compared to being at home and find myself actively seeking to be in social spaces. They still exist!

The norm of physical attractiveness is totally different now. This is a huge one, social media does such a good job only showing attractive people. Its the largest requirement to get your content featured, you have to be attractive in some way. Instead of being tucked away into my phone while i'm waiting between classes, eating out, just being in public, I do a LOT of people watching. Its very fun. A result of this new found hobby is that I am looking at so many more faces that haven't been sorted into attractive vs not attractive by social media. Isn't that crazy? That not only do we get our brains absolutely rotted, but that it changes the way we rate other people? Regular average people online vs in real life is so different. My 'standards' for attractiveness are now based on the standard of the public, not the hand picked ecosystem of social media.

Tasks that used to be burdensome and inconvenient and chores that I used to have to plan for and make myself do have lost their difficulty and need for preparation. Dishes? Well i've got five minutes before I have to leave so ill just wash a few. Tidying up? Mm my breakfast is in the toaster, might as well wipe down the counters and sweep. Laundry? ... ok well don't get me started on laundry, I still cant make myself put that shit away...

The standards of the content I consume have gone up, if i'm going to sit down and watch something, I actually want to consume it rather than use it to pass the time. I obviously still have some social media on my laptop, but I really only post on Tumblr, use Pinterest for art references, and Reddit on the occasional. Instagram and Youtube are pretty much obsolete unless I need it for something specific. I play a lot of sudoku while waiting around, and if I remember to carry my book with me I read. One of my goals this year was to read 12 books, last year was 10. Truth be told the majority of my reading happens in the summer cause oh boy senior year of college is no joke. I cant wait to be able to put away my laptop for the summer. As mentioned on my first post, I still have an iphone without a sim card, it serves as alarm clock (I need 30), a menstrual tracker, banking apps, REM calculator, photo editor for when I need to print things for my journal, and my works database app for my schedule, and AO3. Oh my blessed AO3, my love for fan fiction was never expected to be dulled by the flip-phone. I still love to read a bedtime story every once in a while and support my fav authors!! One day I am going to be a rich woman who sponsors authors with money from my big girl job hehehe.

My social life was already a bit lackluster, I tend to get really sucked into school and keeping my head on my shoulders, but i've got two really good friends. Talking to people in my classes is easier because I don't have anything else to do and the flip-phone tends to be a good conversation starter. Ive def been much more participative in my colleges' social scene and clubs!

Oooo now onto the emotional stuff, depression and disassociation. For most of my teenage life 13-18 I have struggled with disassociation and anxiety, not much of it, I am blessed to be quite mentally well, but it was still present. The occasional bout of teenage depression slowly increased in frequency and strength as I got older and was allowed to have a phone (I didn't get one until 14). Disassociation became an ever present struggled that ebbed in and out of my mind constantly, creating a pattern of anxiety towards 'am I going to have a good month or a disassociated month' or 'what if it gets bad right before the semester starts and I don't get good grades' and 'i've been too good for too long, its inevitably going to get really bad soon'. The months preceding my switch to a flip-phone were particularly revealing, social media made be nauseated, being even near my phone made me anxious, I knew I had a problem with it (9 hours average of screen time), and my body started to react. Every time I would scroll on instagram reels for an hour or two, I would come out of it mindless and disassociated. A flip-phone has made my days GOOD CONSISTENTLY!!!!! I almost always have a good or neutral day!! In an effort to be more grateful and mindful I track my days in my journal, and the change in 'average day color' between when I had a smartphone vs flip-phone is obvious. Little squares filled in with red or orange highlighter suddenly stop, and little squares filled in with blues and yellows start. Obviously a flip-phone wont fix your life completely, but it has drastically improved mine. If you are considering getting a flip-phone, listen to me now when I say that its not a big decision with small rewards. Its one object of your life (a smartphone) traded in for something better for you (a flip-phone). That is all a phone is, it is an OBJECT, and an ACCESSORY, to your daily life. Its like deciding which water bottle or backpack to use for daily life, which shoes are your favorite, what book your going to read next. If you feel like you are succumbing to your smartphone and its controlling your life in any way, I encourage you to make the swap.

All done! Thanks for reading! Ill probably be back in a few months with another update, but if there are any questions I will answer them :)

[osakanone]

I've been getting into gunpla and i'd like a rec since you know mecha. Are there any gunpla you recommend? I'd appreciate one that doesn't look like a dude as much as possible.

The closest i've gotten to that idea so far is a guarda/rever nova build from the 30 minute missions line because of the two scorpian arms.

May I suggest the Wodom Pod?

Its fairly simple to build, very cheap and readily available.

--

If you want to straddle the "a guy thing" in your mentality and challenge it a little, also good is the Aegis specifically its transformation mode as its primary mode (like all humanoid MS) is intended for generalized combat and front-line logistical work (hence the hands).

--

If not, Hildolfr is a fun one. He bridges the space between early mobilesuits in minovsky signals displacement warfare and was used by a starship cannon pilot, requiring a lot of manual skill to aim well!

--

The Xamel is also really good though only provided you've got skills to bring the best out of the kit with scribing and painting. He's a heavy launch platform hovercraft designed for opening vollies with a high powered mortar grenade system via coordinates coming from other units, with legs designed for hit and run skirmishes so he can make his get-away after providing the opening strikes and fire-support during the mop-up phase of an attack.

--

Not gunpla, and a bit more advanced is Variable Infinity's Armored Core Aaliyah. You're probably gonna need some glue for this as smaller parts fall off. Its extremely detailed, and very "not a guy" despite being humanoid.

It uses a spherical particle field of highly radioactive and toxicparticles to protect and cool itself, and is capable of absurd mobility.

Quite a pain in the ass to work with, the design itself is utterly sublime and a spectacle to look at and I fell in love with it circa 2007 with Armored Core 4. Sadly, it isn't anywhere near as posable as most Gunpla due to how "un-guy-like" its body design is. These are the concessions we make cool appearances like this.

--

A substantially easier build (and much closer to Gunpla) is bandai's 30 minute mission 30MM Armored CORE Ⅵ Fires of Rubicon - BALAM Industries BD-011 MELANDER Liger Tail

I'm a huge sucker for 4-legged mecha since they're about as far from "an guy" as you can get. They're also super affordable right now if you can find a stockist who isn't a scalper.

--

Also while not Gunpla, if you have advanced skills, Gunhed is also very good though it requires a lot of extra work since the plastic provided with this kit is more of a raw material you need to do work to, to achieve the look and hide the seams akin to more traditional model kits. Gunhed's role is to invade gigantic sprawling synthetic superstructures and wipe out unmanned weapons.

--

Though likely not to your tastes, my own personal favourite of the year has actually been the Lfrith Ur. I don't usually go for chunkier designs but it has that delightful "chubby girl in a swimsuit" energy despite being a very intense and scary weapon that scratches some strange itch in my brain that I find deeply pleasing.

It is likewise, also very cheap -- and if you get two of them, its very easy to mod them together into a single 4-legged machine with double loadout (very cool, and probably bringing it more in like with your preference -- I wish I still had photos: I'm currently out of the country and my "big database of cool research files" is at home and wouldn't search well from two continents away)

--

Also Zowort heavy from the same line if you do the same quad-leg/tetrapod adaption looks amazing. I have a huge soft-spot for unusual legs, if its not clear.

--

I hope this provides some food for thought. If you have a clearer idea of the kind of kit you want, or what your needs are, let me know and I can provide more suggestions if you'd like.

Happy modelling!!

[lilithsterrarium]

Fantasy of the night...

Being an employee at a Lobotomy Corp/SCP type facility. One meant to contain, research, take care of any... unique abnormalities or entities in our world; simple enough, really. A majority of the job is just paperwork... frantically thumbing through files that someone needs for some experiment, some new test... I don't USUALLY get to work with anything remotely dangerous anyways. If I do pass by one of the more lethal abnormalities, well... you get used to the sound of screams pretty quick. Morbid, yes, but a paycheck is a paycheck.

Hair tied back, ready for another somewhat boring day of paperwork and filing... but I'm surprised when my name is called for testing. I stand, scurrying over- a kind of dishevelled mess, hair ratty and messy, bags under my eyes... a white button-up stained with sweat and a nice enough brown skirt... saluting awkwardly as I'm filled in. Part of me is almost excited, honestly...

... time seems to flash before I'm standing in front of it. A flower bud, miniscule, really not much to look at, petals painted a beautiful shade of purple... glancing back down at my notes to see what I had to do... blinking, struggling to make sense of the words on the page... s- something about a "shrinking violet"........ f- fuck, I feel faint..... slurring my speech as I fall on my ass... the bud seems to get bigger..... and bigger........ and bigger.... walls looming above me...... as I slowly lose conciousness...

Waking up in the medical bay, the nurse staring down at me as I stir. Somewhere along the line, they had stripped me; and as I blinked my eyes, I immediately went to cover myself. It was cold. Freezing, even. My head was still a bit fuzzy... dizzy, like it would never fully recover... an inch tall, standing in a metal tray, trying so hard to cover my body as I blush...

... trying to ask to speak to someone, ANYONE, but I'm ignored as she rushes to another patient. I seem... fine enough, and I can't get out of the tray on my own... my face is red as I squeak uselessly...

Finally, the manager of my section walks in, her face a scowl as she peers down at me. Glasses tilted as that scowl turns into a smirk...

"Ah. Good morning, Lilith. I see that test went... badly. A little someone forgot their gas mask, huh~?"

I stammer out an apology, some half-assed excuse as she sighs.

"Honestly, I can't prove if you did it on purpose or if you're just stupid. I've seen your search history you know. Just a heads up, when you work for a major face of technology, maybe don't use the work computers to look at size porn. Oh, and stop going through our databases- we KNOW it's you who keeps frantically searching for... what was it..."

She thumbs through a clipboard, smiling.

"Ah yes, "shrinking anomoly shrink employee please". For the record, you spelled anomaly wrong."

I shudder, blushing as I try to apologize...

"Oh, relax, you're fine. Half the girls that work here are perverts too. In fact... thats why I had a little idea for you..."

My voice is shaky as I ask when it wears off. She laughs in my face.

"Wears off? Oh, sweetpea, that isn't gonna WEAR OFF. This is permenant. Congrats, Lilith, you're officially an inch tall permenantly. Lets see... you wont need this anymore..."

From the table my tray is on, she easily plucks away my employee I.D, giggling as she pockets it.

"Heres the deal. You service all the poor girls working hard in our office over there. You do everything they say and more. You become the perfect, brain-dead little shit you always wanted, and we wont use you for testing. Deal?"

I blush and nod desperately before I can stop myself. She grins.

Life is good. All day, all week, I get to sit in the office. I don't need clothes, my betters say I'm cuter this way. I love my betters. They always focus so hard on those funny papers, its the least I can do to help them!!!! Kissing feet, being a cushion, worshipping them.... wiggling my ass to get their attention... being a good, GOOD girl!!!!!!!

The other day a nice girl showed me something funny. She got assigned to do some paperwork for a funny flower abnormality!!! One of the papers even had my face on it!!! She was so nice, she even read it out to me, telling me all about the "moronic employee that went in without a gas mask". I think she's talking about me, but.... well, my brain is still fuzzy since that encounter... its hard to imagine a time when I wasn't the office slut!!! They do keep an old I.D that has my face on it on the wall, so maybe I was an employee here!!!!!!!! It says my name is Lil-ith.... usually I just respond to slut, loser, bitch, whore, pet, good girl, sweetpea... its easier that way!!!!! ^w^

It's so, so much easier that way <3

[lilacsandstone]

making this its own post bc it ended up longer than i expected lol

a few months ago i made a post theorizing abt mumbo's lore for s10 and in retrospect the conclusion even based on ep 39 was pretty obvious However i still predicted it so yay

now onto some smaller theories ive been thinking abt since the lore drop:

i am a grumbot s10 truther. esp after all the lore in s9 with the empires crossover!! it might be a reach but i think ultimately the huge computer mumbo's building is going to be s10's version of grumbot

he hasn't kept his database updated but i'm wondering if when he built it he meant for it to connect to the computer? as like part of his memory

the main thing i'm getting tripped up on is why is there a chicken involved??? there's no way it's going to go fully according to plan, and iirc in the video he a few times describes the computer as housing his consciousness instead of a way to transfer it to something else. my gut feeling is he's going to upload his brain to the computer for the transfer, only to get stuck inside the computer. that or grian's going to get involved and complicate things lol

on the topic of grian. yes i think he's going to be part of this lore somehow. and totally not because i miss s7 and i'm delusional. the missing waffle from the start of the season just feels like a chekov's gun situation to me. like if he isn't involved in the lore AT ALL then why bother removing the waffle from the mc skin? he started aging as soon as it was gone. he had gotten it originally to replace his own soul. something happened that took grian's soul out of him, making him age rapidly/making him mortal. something is here and theres still pieces missing and its driving me crazy hgjfdg

im thinking about his starter base now too. incredibly convoluted, a home that is unreachable from the outside--you need to be (re)born into it. surrender your mortal possessions so they can be stored separately, giving yourself access to a previously locked door. meticulously end your own life to recreate a message that only you can understand. your consciousness is transferred to an enclosed, suspended space (a sort of cloud?). you can access your belongings for as long as you stay inside. mumbo's starter base wasn't separate from magic mountain row. it was the prototype.

and if you don't believe me about the bases being connected. while writing this i have picked up another piece of the puzzle. back in episode 3 of mumbo's s10, he mentions the comments were calling the mothball an impossible build structurally. do you remember what he did to make it "structurally sound?" CHICKENS. he put leads on chickens and tied the leads around fences on the support beam to look like tension cables.

so why did he abandon the mothball for this new computer? iirc, he started getting annoyed about having to remove his items each time, and not being able to access his stuff without dying each time first. there wasn't enough space in the mothball, and his items were getting stored outside instead. very inefficient. but most importantly: the structural chickens died. after that point, the mothball "fell".

so knowing that now, how is he planning on keeping this chicken alive once he puts his consciousness into it?

well! since grian is apparently the key to immortality, mumbo is putting his consciousness into poultry man.

(lmao jk for that last one could you imagine)

if you guys have any of ur own ideas/theories feel free to add onto this!! im so excited for him to reveal more of the story he's going for :D

[studyingmoominvalley]

So we know the protagonist used to go to the park when he was little, because of all the memories he had. For example, when looking at the collectables in the Information Kiosk, we uncover several memories he has of the park:

• Mollie Plush: "I remember when my mom took us to the parks one summer. Her favorite was always Mollie, so when they first openes new Mollie Meet & Greet in Jetstream Junction, we were some of the first in line."

• Lloyd Plush: "I feel like as a kid, Indigo used Lloyd a lot more. He was always one of my favorites."

• Finley Plush: "The sea serpent always kinda freaked me out. I love aquariums and fish, but the size of him always made me feel uneasy as a kid."

• Rambley Ears: "I remember watching those old DVDs that Indigo would send to your house when you booked a reservation. They always advertised the biggest gift shops and made all this silly merchandise look so fun! My dad promised me he'd buy me a pair when we went."

• Souvenir Cup: "When I was a kid they used to have free unlimited refills on those things. I once drank so much Bird Up that I got sick and threw up while riding Rooftop Races. That poor kid behind me..."

It is clear our main character has a lot lot positive experiences with the park, apart from the mild fear of Finley. It may have been a park they frequented, much like Thorpe Park, Alton Towers or Legoland Winsor over here in England, which explains the amount of memories and merchandise the main character has. However, Rambley says he doesn't recognise our face, and that we either haven't been or we had plastic surgery. This is strange, isn't it? An AI like Rambley should be able to take facial recognition data and apply ageing prospects to it, being able to recognise a younger guest in the future. This is something AI can definitely do already, which would mean younger protag's facial data should be in the database, as he was a child in or before 2015, when the park used AI and when it was closed. So it's not because he's older...

Hear me out. What if our protagonist had an accident, either not involved with or involved with the park's closure, and had to have plastic surgery. However, since it happened when he was younger, he most likely repressed this traumatic memory and only focuses on the good stuff that happened. It would be dramatic irony if the accident was caused by Feral Lloyd, considering how he was always the main character's favourite. If you look at the models of the feral mascots, you can see they have blood on them: on Mollie's beak, on Finley's side, and on Lloyd's claws. Mollie's beak may possibly cause some damage, Finley would be way too big and could kill a child instantly, however Lloyd clawing up a child's front? The bodily injuries could be saved, but not the face. He would need facial reconstruction surgery.

This accident involving the protagonist's favourite character would shatter his world, sending him into denial. And with all the positive memories he had of the park, it would make sense that he would repress these memories. Adults tend to experience recovered memories of trauma they experienced as a child, as their childhood brain repressed these traumatic memories due to the trauma being too overwhelming for their central nervous system. As you get older, your brain goes through the cognitive processing required to comprehend these memories, causing them to resurface later in life, most commonly in adulthood. He can only remember the positive experiences he had at the park, because those are memories his brain can process cognitively, so the severe trauma gets shut away for years to come.

His repression of trauma could also be reflected in Rambley, since the AI tends to ignore or excuse everything bad happening to the park until it's right in his face and he can't ignore it anymore. Rambley acts oblivious, maybe even wilfully ignorant, when confronted with the park's disarray. He claims the park is under renovations, he tries to call the repairman, he still speaks about basic park functions such as the hotel, payments, etc. It is not until the protagonist is hunted down by a feral Mollie when he really processes the gravity of the situation and admits to the abandonment of the park. Maybe our protagonist will have a similar journey throughout the game, digging up repressed memories and piecing together the truth due to his brain finally being able to process everything that happened to him. Maybe it would come all at once, maybe it will come piece by piece? We'll just have to see...

[artisiumstudios]

hi i just read your brain dead au fic!!! i wanted to know if you have any tips on researching that kind of thing, ive been wanting to write something similar for a long time but ive always been too afraid to come off as insensitive or even ableist bc i dont experience cognitive impairment myself. obviously you dont need to share if its super personal but id appreciate some tips on where i could find more info tysm!!!!

Hello! Im glad youre enjoying it!

Here some tips that I think could help:

personal experience can come a long way. I will say this part of the reason I am able to write what I write is due mostly because I myself have some disabilities or know someone who has them. For example I have ADHD and autism, depression (what a surprise said no one) anxiety and not to mention I probably do have a learning disability (that I refuse to get checked out because I have no money, my insurance is ass, and I live in America so I don't need another target on my back) but thankfully theyre all managable. to an extent. ish. sort of. But that's besides the point, anyways, I also have a lot of health issues too, my biggest example is my bad knee! So thankfully because of that, for my brain dead au i don't need to research as much about physical therapy since ive already had some experience from when I took some! Now thats me, unfortunetly I also know of people who have been in severe car/motorcycle accidents. Ive seen how much one accident can range in when it comes to damage. For example my uncle (my mothers husband who ive now grown apart from ever since he voted for the stale cheeto puff) was in a motorcycle accident I want to say 10 years ago? But it was bad since he fell of a bridge going 45 mph, which resulted in him having almost every bone in his body broken, like the mans was a walking mummy by that point, and having missing teeth. But surprisingly enough he not only survived by retained little to no severe damage on his body. He has no scars, no body aches (apart from the ones that come with age) he has no memory or physical problems, nothing. It's like he never was in the accident at all. Of course he now has fake teeth but thats about it. On the other end, i've had an uncle who was riding his own vehicle and just swerved and hit a wall going around 30-40 mph, him on the other hand had only two broken arms but ended up being paralyzed from the neck down and is only semi conscious at times. his accident was around 1 year or so ago. Now more recently and what i consider the middle ground, one of my cousins from my dad's side got into an accident too where he broke his arm, fractured a rib, and retained a brain injury. This was about a month ago, now for him he's able to move, although he is still in a lot of pain, and he's having memory problems as well as hearing problems. Also because of how bad off they are he's unable to go back to the doctor for another diagnosis and treatment. But yeah, a lot of severe injuries in my family. And these are just some of the more sharable ones surprisingly enough. but anyways, onto the next tip!

THE LIBRARY, not only are you supporting the library by going and checking out books and using their resources, as well as building community, but also you can learn a lot about almost every subject you want! And remember there isn't just physical books, but they have online/audio books too that can help immensely!

if you go to a college or university, they usually have a database of factual peer reviewed scholarly information. I go to this cute and absolutely AMAZING community college that has one of these and all i need to do is go the library homepage, go to the database, look at what topic i need to look at (in this case for me i'd have to go put in health and nursing) then click on one of the bases , for example Gale Interactive Human Anatomy which shows me interactive 3D models of human anatomy and a full in depth explanation of what i need and thats it!

usually for the most part just remember that intentions do matter and coming to the realization that a lot of things are just a spectrum, meaning that a lot of diagnosis (like autism or brain damage) could mean different things to different people and depending on their background can affect a lot of their daily aspects in a lot of different ways. Example: im mexican born in america, for me it WAS possible to get physical therapy but only my parents have been in the usa long enough to have been able to provide for me while i was getting them first time around (funfact bout me i should be getting PT again but since i cant afford it... and my MRI cost me half of what I had in my bank account, I won't be able to go again) but unfortunately for my cousin who i mentioned before, him and his family aren't too well off, so he wasn't even able to start PT, not to mention that he kinda lives in a dangerous part of Guanajuato so our family doesn't want him out of the house too much right now.

Keep a notebook or doc or something with all the information you find and label it! Highlight the parts you want to include and go into depth about what you want! Like how a certain disability/disorder/injury can come to be, the symptoms, how to treat it, what can happen if not treated, ect.

Anways, these are some of the tips i have when it comes to researching, i'm sure theres more but yeah thats all i got for now! also if you're not in college/uni you are always welcomed to message me about the topic you want and I can find information for you!

[monocytogenes]

Anyone spotted this cutscene?

Hey SWTOR folks--

I've been spending a lot of time on the TorCommunity dialogue database for fic purposes lately, and as a Shara Jenn/Imperial Agent shipper I'm legitimately haunted by this allusion to a Chapter 3 scene with her--I've never ever seen a recording of it, and apart from here the only mention of it I've turned up is a passing comment on a nearly decade-old Reddit post, so I'm curious if it's still in the game and if anyone's encountered it!

Based on context clues, it seems to be triggered by this set of choices when you talk to her at the beginning of Chapter 2:

Agent: [What about our relationship?] And what happens to us? With the promotion, the assignment, all of it… Keeper: I know. I didn't mean it to go this way, Cipher. But it's over. There really isn't another choice. Agent: [I don't accept that.] So we just forget each other and walk away? It doesn't work like that. Keeper: What do you suggest? Partners in the field are one thing, but a Cipher and Keeper--it can't be allowed. Agent: [Give it a chance.] I'm not asking for the world. I'm asking you to keep an open mind. Keeper: I'm not--you need to leave for Nar Shaddaa. There's a meet set up with Ardun Kothe's men. I'll…think about what you've said. But focus while you're out there; I want you back alive.

And then here's a route through the scene itself with maximum flirt options (if I'm parsing it all correctly):

Keeper: Cipher, don't say anything. I'm walking out of the Citadel, and I'd like to discuss the…personal matters you've brought up before. Can we meet in the Nexus Room? For a drink? Agent: [Flirt, Of course.] I've been waiting to hear you say that for ages. Keeper: I'm aware of that. Five minutes, alone, please. [Scene break, she sends your companion away] Keeper: Hello, Cipher. Thank you for coming. You know, I don't often drink--the headaches and nosebleeds are part of the price of my heritage. Agent: [Flirt, You look nervous...] Are you uncomfortable? Can I help you relax? Keeper: In a manner of speaking. Quite a while ago, when I took this designation, I said we were over and you said I should keep an open mind. I did, and I thought, and I realized I don't know why you were being so persistent. Agent: [I care deeply about you.] I was being persistent because you mean the world to me. Keeper: Strange to hear you talk like that. I like you, Cipher. I like that you're an effective agent, I like the way you make my brain fuzz over. I'm not going to resign as Keeper, and we can't--but I'm willing to hope, and watch for our chance to be together. Agent: [Kiss her, What about now?] Some chances pass by quickly. Keeper: They do, at that. They'll be expecting me in the Citadel. Please be careful on this mission--I can't predict what's ahead. Agent: [We'll make this work someday.] I swear to you, you won't regret choosing to try. Keeper: That's not your promise to make. Get to your ship, and we'll have the future when it comes.

[pizzaronipasta]

READ THIS BEFORE INTERACTING

Alright, I know I said I wasn't going to touch this topic again, but my inbox is filling up with asks from people who clearly didn't read everything I said, so I'm making a pinned post to explain my stance on AI in full, but especially in the context of disability. Read this post in its entirety before interacting with me on this topic, lest you make a fool of yourself.

AI Doesn't Steal

Before I address people's misinterpretations of what I've said, there is something I need to preface with. The overwhelming majority of AI discourse on social media is argued based on a faulty premise: that generative AI models "steal" from artists. There are several problems with this premise. The first and most important one is that this simply isn't how AI works. Contrary to popular misinformation, generative AI does not simply take pieces of existing works and paste them together to produce its output. Not a single byte of pre-existing material is stored anywhere in an AI's system. What's really going on is honestly a lot more sinister.

How It Actually Works

In reality, AI models are made by initializing and then training something called a neural network. Initializing the network simply consists of setting up a multitude of nodes arranged in "layers," with each node in each layer being connected to every node in the next layer. When prompted with input, a neural network will propagate the input data through itself, layer by layer, transforming it along the way until the final layer yields the network's output. This is directly based on the way organic nervous systems work, hence the name "neural network." The process of training a network consists of giving it an example prompt, comparing the resulting output with an expected correct answer, and tweaking the strengths of the network's connections so that its output is closer to what is expected. This is repeated until the network can adequately provide output for all prompts. This is exactly how your brain learns; upon detecting stimuli, neurons will propagate signals from one to the next in order to enact a response, and the connections between those neurons will be adjusted based on how close the outcome was to whatever was anticipated. In the case of both organic and artificial neural networks, you'll notice that no part of the process involves directly storing anything that was shown to it. It is possible, especially in the case of organic brains, for a neural network to be configured such that it can produce a decently close approximation of something it was trained on; however, it is crucial to note that this behavior is extremely undesirable in generative AI, since that would just be using a wasteful amount of computational resources for a very simple task. It's called "overfitting" in this context, and it's avoided like the plague.

The sinister part lies in where the training data comes from. Companies which make generative AI models are held to a very low standard of accountability when it comes to sourcing and handling training data, and it shows. These companies usually just scrape data from the internet indiscriminately, which inevitably results in the collection of people's personal information. This sensitive data is not kept very secure once it's been scraped and placed in easy-to-parse centralized databases. Fortunately, these issues could be solved with the most basic of regulations. The only reason we haven't already solved them is because people are demonizing the products rather than the companies behind them. Getting up in arms over a type of computer program does nothing, and this diversion is being taken advantage of by bad actors, who could be rendered impotent with basic accountability. Other issues surrounding AI are exactly the same way. For example, attempts to replace artists in their jobs are the result of under-regulated businesses and weak worker's rights protections, and we're already seeing very promising efforts to combat this just by holding the bad actors accountable. Generative AI is a tool, not an agent, and the sooner people realize this, the sooner and more effectively they can combat its abuse.

Y'all Are Being Snobs

Now I've debunked the idea that generative AI just pastes together pieces of existing works. But what if that were how it worked? Putting together pieces of existing works... hmm, why does that sound familiar? Ah, yes, because it is, verbatim, the definition of collage. For over a century, collage has been recognized as a perfectly valid art form, and not plagiarism. Furthermore, in collage, crediting sources is not viewed as a requirement, only a courtesy. Therefore, if generative AI worked how most people think it works, it would simply be a form of collage. Not theft.

Some might not be satisfied with that reasoning. Some may claim that AI cannot be artistic because the AI has no intent, no creative vision, and nothing to express. There is a metaphysical argument to be made against this, but I won't bother making it. I don't need to, because the AI is not the artist. Maybe someday an artificial general intelligence could have the autonomy and ostensible sentience to make art on its own, but such things are mere science fiction in the present day. Currently, generative AI completely lacks autonomy—it is only capable of making whatever it is told to, as accurate to the prompt as it can manage. Generative AI is a tool. A sculpture made by 3D printing a digital model is no less a sculpture just because an automatic machine gave it physical form. An artist designed the sculpture, and used a tool to make it real. Likewise, a digital artist is completely valid in having an AI realize the image they designed.

Some may claim that AI isn't artistic because it doesn't require effort. By that logic, photography isn't art, since all you do is point a camera at something that already looks nice, fiddle with some dials, and press a button. This argument has never been anything more than snobbish gatekeeping, and I won't entertain it any further. All art is art. Besides, getting an AI to make something that looks how you want can be quite the ordeal, involving a great amount of trial and error. I don't speak from experience on that, but you've probably seen what AI image generators' first drafts tend to look like.

AI art is art.

Disability and Accessibility

Now that that's out of the way, I can finally move on to clarifying what people keep misinterpreting.

I Never Said That

First of all, despite what people keep claiming, I have never said that disabled people need AI in order to make art. In fact, I specifically said the opposite several times. What I have said is that AI can better enable some people to make the art they want to in the way they want to. Second of all, also despite what people keep claiming, I never said that AI is anyone's only option. Again, I specifically said the opposite multiple times. I am well aware that there are myriad tools available to aid the physically disabled in all manner of artistic pursuits. What I have argued is that AI is just as valid a tool as those other, longer-established ones.

In case anyone doubts me, here are all the posts I made in the discussion in question: Reblog chain 1 Reblog chain 2 Reblog chain 3 Reblog chain 4 Potentially relevant ask

I acknowledge that some of my earlier responses in that conversation were poorly worded and could potentially lead to a little confusion. However, I ended up clarifying everything so many times that the only good faith explanation I can think of for these wild misinterpretations is that people were seeing my arguments largely out of context. Now, though, I don't want to see any more straw men around here. You have no excuse, there's a convenient list of links to everything I said. As of posting this, I will ridicule anyone who ignores it and sends more hate mail. You have no one to blame but yourself for your poor reading comprehension.

What Prompted Me to Start Arguing in the First Place

There is one more thing that people kept misinterpreting, and it saddens me far more than anything else in this situation. It was sort of a culmination of both the things I already mentioned. Several people, notably including the one I was arguing with, have insisted that I'm trying to talk over physically disabled people.

Read the posts again. Notice how the original post was speaking for "everyone" in saying that AI isn't helpful. It doesn't take clairvoyance to realize that someone will find it helpful. That someone was being spoken over, before I ever said a word.

So I stepped in, and tried to oppose the OP on their universal claim. Lo and behold, they ended up saying that I'm the one talking over people.

Along the way, people started posting straight-up inspiration porn.

I hope you can understand where my uncharacteristic hostility came from in that argument.

[andmaybegayer]

Last Monday of the Week 2025-06-09

Bloggers only write multiple incoherent posts about manufacturing when they're very distressed (lying I love doing this)

Listening: I have been trying to shut my brain off at night by crowding it out with music, so Fornax Void's Cyberspace Database album, a huge number of business themed ambient electronic tracks. Fornax Void is a weird group, some like. NFT stuff that they also just let you download? I don't know. Good tracks, very much the evil twin of Businessfunk

Reading: Some Vaclav Smil chapters, mainly an older one Eating Meat: Evolution, Patterns and Consequences because I came across it while looking up some feed conversion numbers for reasons. I've been on an industry kick for some reason.

Smil's take on animal industry is very interesting and I need to read some more of his stuff. I mean he's good in general. But in particular he has an oddly even hand when it comes to animals in this one? He points out that even if you completely discount eating chickens, they're really good at making eggs.

Watching: I ran Jupiter Ascending for my beloved friends at Bad Movie Night and it's so much worse than I remember from watching it ten years ago.

I was vaguely expecting it to be like, a badly written but technically well executed movie, because it's the Wachowskis! They made The Matrix! But no! It's shit!

Our protagonist doesn't fucking do anything, the wolf man does the same space battle four times, sean bean, is here, they don't even lean into him being half bee. Everything is so tremendously Wattpad Original Fiction. Somehow the CG looks cheap despite being incredibly detailed and well done. Lighting in greenscreen scenes comes from nowhere, and a lot of the scenes are greenscreen scenes. It isn't even that horny!

Playing: Deltarune is out and I am near the end of Chapter 3, I have orra qbvat gur F-enax ebhgr. V whfg orng gur Qnex Znagyr zvavobff juvpu. Jubbs. Gbhtu svtug! V ebyyrq n qvr gb qrpvqr jung V qvq naq V whfg fgnegrq va Puncgre 3, V'yy tb onpx naq qb Pu1 naq 2 ng nabgure gvzr orpnhfr V qvqa'g srry yvxr ercynlvat nyy bs gung naq V Qb Abg unir zl Qrygnehar fnirf.

I also got Skyrim VR which is interesting. Thus far I have mainly been setting up the necessary mods to make it play like a halfway real VR game, which takes a lot of doing but is getting there! It's really impressive once you get it all up and running. Skyrim is decidedly not designed for VR, there's so much menuing, so a lot of the VR mods are built around creating easily accessible quick menus, gesture interfaces, and skeumorphic inventory.

Making: Finished the silk pillowcase! Not that much actual sewing time but I lost track of it for a solid month in the middle. Pinning an aligning silk is a pain in the ass but on the plus side it's so slippery that it's hard to tell where you've fucked up.

Also! Went to the Prauge v Dublin Roller Derby match, which was fun, heard about it from a coworker. I did spend the first half scrolling wikipedia to figure out the rules but it's a good sport.

Tools and Equipment: Bleach Spray is really good at handling small build-ups of mold, but watch out.

[breadnabreadd]

✦ Oh boy! Here we go.

I created a LMK Au just for funsies. A furutistic, high technologic world with cyberpunk vibes! (Because I absolutely love this type of aesthetic)

✦ the picture above is just a quick drawing I did of Macaque in this AU. I will get into details about the AU while showing a few infos of a few LMKs characters alongside with their designs. (Just a reminder I'm still creating the AU and it's my first time making one. It might be a little messy, so I apologize if it gets too messy--)

Oh! And by the way, the characters on this AU follow the same basic formula as the original characters. So it doesnt have much changes, other than the world they live in, their clothes and a few events.

✦ MK, The Monkie Kid

• Its the same thing as our little MK from the animated series, he works at Pigsy's Noodles as a delivery boy, is the Monkey king's biggest fan and is his successor and pretty much the basic stuff.

• He learned about the Monkey king with Mister Tang. He is a huge fan.

• Tho he isn't a great expert, he knows how to how to fix computer cases, machines and vehicles and build stuff by using old pieces (he learned with Pigsy and Sandy, just in case his delivery vehicle breaks in the middle of the road or a something start malfunctioning in the noodle store). As we can see, he works more in the hardware part.

• He likes to collect the old pieces of old devices that people throw away in the city's old graveyard. It's like a type of recycling. (That's also how he find the Monkey king's staff but that is a thing I will tell in details in another day--)

• He loves to draw!!! Hooray!!! He also likes to play games. Is always playing video games with his best friend, Mei, on the arcade or online.

✦ Mei, The White Horse Dragon Girl

• She's a programmer/developer of softwares (Yes I know that in I drawing I said she's a "hacker but a bit clumsy" but actually i wanted to say shes a programmer. I was sleepy, it was 2 am, and my brain wasn't braining 😰😰😰---) with a few knowledge about hardwares. She created her technological helmet system with MK's help. (Her helmet it's similiar to Iron man's helmet from inside.)

• She built her own motorcycle, again with MK's help. She participates a lot motorcycles race just for funsies.

• Loves to play games. I guess I could say she is quite of a professional gamer? She play to win. But when she is playing with MK or with other friends, she doesnt care losing or winning, she only cares about enjoying some quality time with them.

✦ Liu'er Mihou, The Six Eared Macaque.

• Pretty much same as the original Macaque. (Lost his eye in the past with a fight against Sun Wukong. Omg betrayal. Yknow the deal-)

• Here he is a Hacker/Cracker.

"But what is a cracker?" You may ask. Now it's time for my nerd/TI studant side take over. A cracker it's a mean hacker. The cracker breaks/attacks the systems and webs for their own benefit, which it's for illegal purposes. Now a Hacker it's actually a job, which their purpose its to find the security breaches and ways to how break it, so then they can make the security stronger and prevent invasions/attacks at the system.

With that being said, Macaque is a hacker/cracker. So he makes defense systems to himself and breaks into other systems for illegal purposes.

• He got these gloves that helps him hack things better, he created it himself. He create floating holograms like it's a tablet screen and can hold on these holograms using these gloves. With a simple touch he can steal database from a device and hack it's system. (He can hack machines, computers, tech weapons and even the light system.)

• He got his shadow magic too, same as the original one. Shadow clones, shadow portals... but he kinda makes a fusion between his magic and the technology he invented to himself. (Before anyone say it. YES! I got heavily inspired by Sombra from Overwatch. 😔)

✦ The Monkey King, Sun Wukong

• Yeah, the Monkey king. The great sage equal to heaven. The silly who made a havoc on heaven---

• HE GOT THAT HUGE MECHA WE SAW IN THE ANIMATED SERIES BECAUSE HE DOESNT LIKE USING HIS KAIJU FORM !!!

But he doesnt use the mecha much. It has been CENTURIES since he last use it. Now MK is the one who uses it because he is Sun Wukong's successor.

• That's not his "Monkey King" royal clothes. It just some casual/comfy clothes to use in everyday life.

• He already knew who MK was. MK is a stone Monkey just like himself. Wukong have been watching the kid grow up from far. He grow a bit attached to the boy.

Sun Wukong surely wasn't expecting to MK being able to lift his golden staff, so he think in the opportunity to make him his sucessor and teach him how to use his new powers. (Yes, I was lisiting to "the horse and the infant" song. How did you kn--)

Oh God. That explanation was long.

✦ Welp, that's all for today!

I will post more stuff about the AU in the future. And I still need to think a name for it...

It is clear I got heavily inspired by Cyberpunk, techwear, overwatch, New Gods: Nezha reborn, Arcane and other stuff. I'm sorry, BUT I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT AESTHETIC AND VIBES!! HHHHHHH-

✦ I'm a huge nerd. 🤓