#my brain will associate/create a visual and a smell for it anyway)

[stormysapphic]

whenever i visualize my stone identity it's an everstone from pokémon

[a-dragons-journal]

My Experiences of Nonhumanity

I get asked about “what makes you/people in general feel you’re/they’re otherkin” a lot, and while the answer is far from simple and my experiences are anything but universal, I figure it deserves a write-up once in a while. A friend asked about it a couple nights ago, so I wrote up a huge long message on Discord, and decided to rewrite it into a Tumblr post for posterity. This’ll be a long one, folks; hit J on desktop to skip.

It’s worth noting ahead of time: none of these things are required to be otherkin, and none of them automatically mean you’re otherkin. In fact, most of them are little more than mildly “weird” quirks when they occur in isolation, and only start to push outside the range of “normal human experiences” when many of them occur together. You can’t look at someone (including yourself) and say “they like collecting things, they must be dragonkin!” It’s not that simple. You have to take the individual as a whole even as you examine each specific experience in more detail - don’t lose the forest while you’re studying the trees. This is just a description of my personal experiences.

Shifts

- Phantom shifts/supernumerary phantom limbs: Probably the most obvious thing and the hardest to brush off, although I still managed to do so for years. Phantom shifts, aka supernumerary phantom limbs, are the experience of feeling limbs or body parts that do not and never have physically existed. In my case, the most common phantom limbs to show up are my wings and tail; other body parts, such as digitigrade legs, horns, snout, and paws/talons, also make appearances less frequently. While my phantom limbs almost never attempt to replicate tactile sensations/interactions with the physical world, they’re often defined by very vivid proprioception (ability to tell where your body is in space, mainly via muscle stretch receptors), and I can tell where each part of the limb is at any given time - it’s not just a shapeless sense of “weight,” or it wouldn’t be phantom limbs. I can also move them at will, typically. My phantom shifts are typically spontaneous and involuntary, but they’ve been induced artificially a couple different ways as well, though I can’t typically do it at will.

- Sensory shifts: Still not something I’m totally sure I experience, but there are definitely times my sense of smell becomes insanely strong compared to usual even for me, which fits the definition of a sensory shift.

- Astral shifts: While I’m far from an adept astral traveler, when visualizing “traveling” within my own mindscape, I shift form fluidly between human and dragon - although I almost always have wings at the very least.

- Cameo shifts: Mentioned only because it’s relevant to my phantom shifts. I realized at some point that the reason I get cameo shifts of canine/feline ears sometimes is because they usually show up when they’re pricking/flattening to express emotion, and the muscles that move to do that action are basically the same as the ones that do those actions with the crest that runs down my neck, and because of my obsession with cats/dogs/horses as a young child and because that’s not a particularly strong phantom shift for me usually, I connected the dots a little wrong and created a false association.

- Self-image: This isn’t technically a shift, but it’s going here anyway because it doesn’t really fit in any other section either. My body image/self-image is weird. I know, consciously, what I physically look like. However, my instinctive self-image is... hmm. What I “expect” to see doesn’t always match up with what’s actually there when I look in the mirror. Teeth are a huge point of fixation for me for some reason; I always expect them to be larger, sharper, stronger. I expect my neck to be longer, my face to be... different. I expect scales in places. I expect claws. Even knowing consciously that of course it won’t be there, it’s still strange sometimes that it’s not. There’s sometimes some mild disconnect when I see myself. (Sometimes not. But sometimes.)

Homesickness

(Or, the sense of missing something you’ve never had - not of “I want/want to be [x], and it makes me sad/upset that I don’t have/am not that,” but of “I should have/be [x], and it is fundamentally wrong that I do/am not.”)

- Flight: I have always wanted to fly, and for a long time I thought everyone ached for the sky the same way I did. Most people don’t, as it turns out. Yes, everyone’s fantasized about flying, but most people don’t feel bones-deep, crushing, physical pain in their chest thinking about it. Most people don’t lift up onto their toes instinctively straining for the sky. I’ve felt that aching longing for it for as long as I can remember.

- Connection to dragons: For as long as I can remember knowing about dragons, I loved the idea of them and even when I was very young, when I’d only really been exposed to media where they were the great evil for the hero to defeat and received no more character development than “evil, destructive, fire-breathing beast,” I was always on the dragon’s side and wanted to learn more about them. That hasn’t faded. I’ll watch an absolutely terrible movie or TV show that I otherwise loathe if it has good enough animation and sound design on the dragons. (Looking at you, Game of Thrones.*) I would commit arson to see one of those Isle-style dragon survival games actually go through and finish production. (Holding out hope for the Dragon Game Project on YouTube; go check them out if you haven’t already.) I’ve also used dragons to represent myself for pretty much as long as I’ve had an online presence - years before I ever heard of otherkin, I was calling myself Dragonheart.

- Dragon-like creatures: Snakes, crocodilians, and dinosaurs all fall into this category - all of them give me a similar heart-and-breathing-pick-up, aching familiarity to dragons. They’re not perfect, but in a snake’s scales and a crocodile’s bellows and a dinosaur’s spectacular reptilian size I see echoes of us and I have always loved them with a passion, even before I quite knew why.

- Dragon/”monster” noises: Sound generators, creature sound design, real animal noises, etc. that are meant to be monstrous and that most people find unsettling or even frightening, I find comforting and relaxing. Alligator bellows, “monster noise” soundscapes, etc. all apply here.

* No shade on anyone who likes Game of Thrones, I’m just not a fan. :P

Behaviors/Instincts/Urges

- Hoarding: I’m still not sure how much of the crystal thing is "monkey brain say Shiney Colorful," how much is a witch thing, and how much is a dragon thing, but some of it is a dragon thing.

- Territorial/possessive nature: I can get... extremely territorial over my stuff and my home. This can extend right into being ridiculously protective of my people too, although I do try to rein that in to a reasonable amount. This also extends into games like Capture the Flag, because put me on defending the border during middle and high school and I got frighteningly territorial. (Fun fact, this extends to spiritual protection stuff and it has almost gotten me in trouble a few times on that front.) The other main side effect is my brain trying to claim completely inappropriate things as “mine,” like every piano I have ever touched or, that one time, the entire city of Portland.

- Prey drive: Going on a walk in the woods with me will always be an exercise in stopping every twenty seconds because I heard a small animal move in the brush and froze instinctively to track it. Prey drive ranges from "okay I can indulge this enough to track-stalk-chase without actually intending to catch-kill-eat" to "this is entirely inappropriate and needs to Stop Right Now" depending on the day and the situation - sometimes it’s fairly low-key and innocent, but sometimes it's also being confronted with the sudden and completely serious/genuine thought of grabbing someone or something by the neck/around the body with your jaws and hunt-prey-kill-devour when it's completely inappropriate and kind of disturbing or even sickening. It’s one of the more annoying things, although it’s not like it’s severe enough that I’m an actual danger to anyone - it’s just a gut thought that gets filtered out at the conscious level without significant problems. This also bleeds into games (I get... maybe a little overenthusiastic during tag) and even watching TV shows or gaming videos - most of the time at least part of me is rooting for the hunter because I relate to them as a fellow predator, even if the audience is supposed to be rooting for the prey - I mean, protagonists.

- Basking/heat-seeking: Probably only partially a dragon thing, but despite the fact that I hate heat in general, radiant/sun heat and heat from a heated surface are both fantastic feelings provided the ambient air temperature isn't too high. I'm guessing this is at least partially a reptile brain thing.

- Height-seeking: Give me a chance to climb up on top of something - a rock, a cliff, a chair, a table, a bunk bed - and look out over everything else, and I'll take it in an instant. Getting to climb up on the roof is the best thing that's happened to me this entire quarantine.

- Flight instinct: Being mildly leery of cliffs not because I am afraid of falling, because I'm really not, but because there's always some part of my brain that goes "jump, fly, this is a perfect takeoff spot" and I have to squash that before I do something particularly stupid. This manifests in other ways, but that's the most dramatic (and annoying) one. This is also one of the things I noticed as definitively not normal long before my awakening. (The Grand Canyon was fun.)  Similarly to the prey drive thing, it's not like I'm actually in danger of throwing myself off cliffs, it’s just - there's a not-insignificant part of my brain that thinks "hey we should go run and jump off and take a quick flight," in the same way I might also casually think "hey I should stroll across to the corner store for a bag of chips" before I consciously decide whether or not to do that. It’s the exact same type of thought process, despite the fact that one of those things is something I might do on any given school day, and the other is, you know, physically impossible.

- Combat instincts: I get in a fight and my pure instinct is to bite or claw, not kick or punch or whatever it is humans do instinctively. I have those reflexes now courtesy of Krav, but I had to train them in - if you’d thrown me into a fight before, I absolutely would have resorted to claws/nails and teeth immediately (and I still will, when pressed into a corner). Sometimes, unfortunately, this goes off completely unwarranted, either in an anger situation that does not deserve a physical response, or for no apparent reason whatsoever. It's one of the more problematic things, but once again - it’s not like it’s a compulsion, just a gut-emotion thought that gets filtered out at the conscious level.

- Scent focus: Who knows how much of this is environmental influence and how much is instinctive, but I always have and still do focus on scent more than most humans seem to. I can identify people by scent, I seem to pay more attention to it than most people do. I also seem less bothered by natural body smells than most people do, but considering the responses when I asked around in the otherkin community once about that, unclear whether or not that's connected.

- Nonhuman noises: I make just a bunch of weird nonhuman noises, and always have. Growls, hisses, croons, hurrs, throat-clicks, chirps, etc. I've never met any human who does them instinctively like I do except my half-sister (whom I didn’t meet until a couple years ago), and she was just as surprised to hear me do it as I was surprised to hear her do it.

- Affection: Face-rubbing, light head-bonking against someone’s shoulder/body/head, and love nips/bites are all perfectly acceptable ways to show platonic affection, to dragon brain. Human society disagrees. The instinct to do these things is so strong that I definitely do give into the first two with people I’m close with, and I have physically had to catch and restrain myself when I was about to unthinkingly bite/nip someone’s skin because I wasn’t paying enough attention.

- Movement: Moving on all fours just feels better than moving on two legs, even though it’s objectively physically uncomfortable because humans aren’t built for that. I also have the instinctive want to be a lot more flexible than I’m capable of being, in ways I’m not capable of being - curling all the way around something or someone to squeeze them tight in the coil of my body, turning my head a hundred eighty degrees because my neck Should Be Longer.

- Expression: Baring one’s teeth when frustrated, irritated, or angry is not a particularly human instinct. I realize it’s something a lot of primates do do, but. *gestures at society* Humans ain’t one of them, at least not anymore. Even in Krav Maga, which is a self-defense style that focuses on being vicious and “dirty fighting” to survive a real street fight, every single time I have a new partner (and most times I have a partner I’ve worked with before) and I get tired enough to get snarly, they respond with some variation of “god that’s scary”. See also: gesturing at things with my nose because it should be long enough to make that a much more dramatic gesture than it ends up being.

- Den/lair/small spaces: I never feel safer than when curled up in a tiny alcove just big enough to comfortably fit my body curled up into it. The only position I’ll prioritize over it is getting up onto a high space.

Past Life Work

Unlike every other bullet point on this list, most of these didn’t apply until I started actively seeking them out, because, you know. Past life memories are like that.

- Past life regressions: I’ve got a tag for these, but tl;dr I take anything I learn from a past life regression or similar meditation/visualization with a whole spoonful of salt, forget “a grain,” because I know for a fact my brain is very good at making stuff up with these types of exercises. Unfortunately, they’re the only way to get information on certain things, like appearance.

- Tarot: Got a tag for that too. I use tarot to ask questions and confirm or reject suspicions.

- Spontaneous memories: I don’t have many, but they’re clear as day when they do appear. I don’t count something as a “true” memory unless it includes senses I can’t reproduce through imagination - smell and touch, mainly. Mostly these are quick flashbulbs, nothing cinematic or anything like that.

- Noemata: Again, I don’t have much in the way of noemata, but what I do have is persistent and consistent. I know things about my wing shape and flight style despite not having really experienced that in detail during past life regressions. That particular set of noemata has been confirmed to fit with real-world physics and bat wing shapes (the closest wing type to mine that exists or has existed on Earth).

[skyhopedango]

State of the Season (OMG IT’S ALREADY MARCH???!)

So... yeah. Time really does fly, huh. :O I’ve been so swept away by work and politics/activism and trying to rock an undercut that is the surprisingly fortunate result of trying to cut my own hair, that all these months just kind of passed me by. Holy shit, it’s almost summer. And covid is still here.

Anyway, so the shows I’ve been watching, or not watching as the case might be.

Dropped: 

SK8: I ranted about it a while back - I tried watching a couple more episodes, but nah, sorry. The show is trying to do one thing and another completely different thing, and it just fails to do either well, missing the balance by a shot so long it fades into infinity. It doesn’t lean fully into just being crazy and OTT fun, but it leans into it enough that there’s a tonal dissonance between the crazy OTT parts and the “real” and “drama” parts, which result in neither parts working for me. The “adults trying to write cool kids” factor and the really dated visual design doesn’t do it any favors either. It’s 2021 guys! If you want to be “hip and cool” come up with something that doesn’t smell like moth balls.

As for the rest: 

Osomatsu-san S3: This is... kind of a pity. I talked about this before, but it really feels like the writing has lost its touch, and its sight of who/what the characters are. Also, the extended cast just doesn’t work. Totoko and Nyaa are just not interesting enough to carry so much of the show, and the AIs are perplexing and not in a good way. They feel completely pointless, characterless and boring. 

It’s not like the show is bad though. The voice work continues to be absolutely amazing (why is this cast so good), it’s still mildly entertaining, and there are flashes of brilliance every now and then - the pizza skit is one of the Osomatsu-san greats, as is the entirety of episode 22, with the detective show spoof and the crazy hide-and-seek skit. Even the AIs had an unexpectedly fun and relatable moment, the skit with the shitty senpai you kinda pity but also don’t really want to associate with. Overall though, this season is a miss, which is a pity.

Jujutsu Kaisen: This has been precariously teetering on the edge of being dropped, but eh, I might as well finish this season. Like, the show is mostly harmless, really, mostly inoffensive, but also 90% of why I’m still watching it is so I can listen to Nakamura Yuuichi, Shimazaki Nobunaga, and a couple more seiyuu. It’s bogstandard WSJ action stuff. But also, it’s at the “let’s have a tournament arc, and introduce tons of new characters and their super special powers and angsty backstories!” part where these stories always lose me. Like, I don’t really care about all the power wankery, yes, the character is super strong, but if that’s all then I don’t care about the details, let’s move on. Also, I just want to spend time with the main cast, y’know? I don’t need two thousand characters, and OK, we can have a huge cast but flesh out your main people first? 

Aside of the cast, the animation continues to be its saving grace, but even there some things grate on me - things I wouldn’t care about normally, but since the show is clearly an animator wank fest, these things stand out. Like how the composition is often kinda dodgy, with the characters not integrating fully with the background? Or how there’s the "telling not showing” thing where they have characters telling us things that could be so easily conveyed by animation. Yes, that’s necessary in manga where the images are not moving, but here, especially with all the animation wankery, it just feels like the director just wanted to show off, and didn’t put a lot of effort into actually creating a good and complete translation of static to dynamic, manga to anime.

Back Arrow: This one is... well, it’s entertaining. It’s a bit of a letdown in that it doesn’t really go as hard as it could and should. Like, the jokes are good in theory, but in practice more ofthen than not the punchlines don’t quite land. Still, I’m being entertained so I’ll keep watching. (Mostly, I just like what a terrible, stupid bunch the characters are. :D) Will I remember this show a week after the finale, though? Not likely, but hey, I don’t need all shows I watch to be unforgettable masterpieces.

Beastars: This is, well, good. It’s really good, actually, it’s a great show! It’s just that I kind of lost my enthusiasm for Beastars so I just can’t get hyped. And without the hype, my brain just starts thinking too deeply about things I’m not supposed to think about, like... yes, I understand the allegories and whatnot, but also isn’t it just awfully convenient that like all of herbivores we see on the regular are the “small, soft, prey” type? Where are all the tough, often aggressive herbivores that predators think twice (three times, four times) about messing with? Where are the African buffalos, the bisons, the elephants, the rhinos? I’m just saying, it’s really convenient for the story that those are out of the picture. Also, what with all the focus on size and strength, it’s kind of dodgy how the show just handwaves away the fact that there are small carnivores and large herbivores, and the latter could kick the formers’ ass any day, like come on, a horse vs a cat? Yeah. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

But anyway, yeah, show is good. I’m enjoying it a lot. I hope they won’t adapt the rest of the manga.

Tenchi Souzou Design-bu: This is just tons of fun. :D It takes an issue that I very often think about (namely, “why is this creature like that? what the hell, Mother Nature?”) and puts it in a context that makes complete sense (”oh I see, it was created by overworked designers based on vague and arbitrary instructions, gotcha, I can relate to that” :D). And even though it’s just basically the same settings and jokes over and over it doesn’t get old. :D

Kemono Jihen: This one is fine? It’s not mindblowingly amazing, but not bland or mediocre either. It’s just a solid, good show, although I really hope that Aya is not a permanent addition to the cast because I really hate the “jealous girls fighting over a guy” trope. That aside, I actually started reading the manga for this, but... well, this is one of those cases where the anime format just works better for me. I hope it will get a second season.

But most of all I really really look forward to the spring season, partly because there’s quite a lot of shows I’m interested in, and also it’s one step closer to the summer season and Night Head 2041. :D

[khadiripro]

Your Subconscious Mind Is Your Partner In Success

Your Subconscious Mind Is Your Partner In Success

Your mind is a recuperation and limit resource. 

Its main responsibility is to appreciate the present and future while recalling the past. For a couple, recalling their youthfulness as adults is extremely ordinary. One need simply look to the male species to see them continue like adolescents seeing somebody. They miss the mark on the thoughtfulness regarding choose sensible decisions from time to time and are blinded by base wants. The female species don't get off so gently. A couple of women pick an unseemly assistant as often as possible, considering the way that they grasp dubious youth issues that block finding rapture. We in general pass on clumsy torment from youth, yet when these misery centers create we are defenseless before our unaware insights. Helpful advisor Dr. Shad Helmstetter states, "A mind which has erased the old negatives and superseded them with new positives is the most rich ground for advancement and achievement we will ever find." I wish to outline two strategies for stirring your inward psyche mind's potential for progress. To work with the internal psyche, it's basic to recognize how your condition impacts your contemplations. For example, when making a beeline for work consider why Adele's tune Hello sneaks into your mind later that night? This is in light of the fact that your mind is careful to your ecological elements that join the refrains of the tune. The inward brain is affected by emphasis and lifts. To know and alarm to your natural variables is fundamental for progress. Along these lines, know about the music you check out, the TV programs you watch, the people you contribute your vitality with and the material you read, if accomplishment is your target. In case you don't confide in me, I request that you scrutinize the particularly cheered book by Robert B. Cialdini titled, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. People are confounded why they reiterate the proportionate perilous models seeing somebody. They carry on youth rehearses or accidentally get negative characteristics from past associations. Like a contamination, it spoils your mind cerebrum to acknowledge control of your lead in future associations. "Your inward brain controls your direct and causes you to react rather than respond," states Suze Casey maker of Belief Re-planning: The Amazing Technique for "Flipping the Switch" to Positive Thoughts. All things considered, how might one make a move mind for progress? There are various methodologies available, anyway I wish to focus on a couple that are convincing: Guided Imagery: Guided imagery is grounded in using your visual resources to imagine a situation, while in an easygoing state. It's fundamental to envision the goal or task as certifiable, while moving toward various resources. Your inward psyche can't perceive an imagined state and an authentic one. For example, when you consider an individual a discourteous name, your internal brain unravels the insult as self-composed. Despite having the alternative to disentangle a bounty of information, the cerebrum needs capacity in detachment. This is a result of the inward brain not testing insights got by the discerning mind. The insightful cerebrum structures examinations while the internal brain takes an auxiliary parlor at the same time. Tending to and examining is the zone of the mindful or precise mind. The mind cerebrum's task is to kick orders off by the perceptive cerebrum. Essayist Honoree Corder states in her book Vision to Reality, "Visioning urges responsiveness to exceptional and innovative plans. As you hold your undeniably described vision, the ways to deal with make that vision happen become clear. Your inward brain goes after your advantage to spot potential possibilities, conceivable outcomes, and possible results you may somehow have missed." Okay, we should start on a fast exercise. Find a pleasing arranged circumstance, since this grants you to keep up open channels inside the body and you're increasingly disinclined to fall asleep in this position. Take two or three full breaths to institute your parasympathetic tactile framework (rest and outline structure), which hails the body to loosen up. Take in through your nose and inhale out through your mouth. Imagine a goal or accomplishment you wish to endeavor. If its weight decrease or to be in a mindful relationship, imagine yourself having achieved this goal. What's it like? What are you doing in the scene? Where right? Imagine the image splendidly well. Are there sounds? OK have the option to get a sentiment of smell or taste? Make an effort not to imagine something you're hesitant to recognize. Grant your inward brain-mind to oversee you through the mental practice. If you don't see pictures, endeavor again later. I like to check out traces of waves crushing or storm falling before rehearsing guided imagery. It grants me to get into a pleasing mind learning state. Guided imagery requires request and practice, so slip your way into it. Do whatever it takes not to advance too quickly, since you'll get frustrated with the preparation. Test and note the photos that create. Note their power and the related emotions that arise. Guided Imagery is making sense of how to relate mind and body while getting mindful of the impressions that arise. Confirmations Before Sleep: The resulting method is using requests before rest. Going before falling asleep, your inward brain is commonly vulnerable. This is in light of the fact that the conscious cerebrum becomes depleted dealing with contemplations and is progressively disinclined to challenge the affirmations. In the event that you're inclined to separate considerations before rest, have a go at ruminating for a short period. This should help encourage an upset mind. Maker Honoree Corder states, "Possibly you didn't comprehend that every single time you state "I AM" in a sentence, you are for the most part the while sending a quick solicitation and a certification to your psyche unequivocally how you truly feel about yourself and what you foresee. You are truly sending a request to your internal brain mind and telling every cell of your body how to respond." Make the confirmations you intend to use. An inside and out made substance is the best approach to incredible requests. Be careful to your words, taking everything into account if it's repeated as often as possible they should affect you. They ought to be concurred, as opposed to isolates: "I am as of now my ideal weight" or "I venerate and esteem my slim, fit and sound body." Wording is major in such a case, that they are muddled, your cerebrum will believe that its difficult to recognize. Consider the outflows of the Adele song that overpowered your internal psyche while driving home earlier. Tune sections, mixed with the right music, can affect your mind in this way too with affirmations. In what way will you understand they are the right affirmations? While talking about them, note the sensations in your body. Is there strain? It is sheltered to state that you are aware of explicit sentiments that transmit from your chest or elsewhere? This is a sign the affirmations are suitable, considering the way that your body is your internal psyche, according to the late neuroscientist Candace Pert. "With Self-Talk, we have a way to deal with give new orientation to our inward psyche personalities by speaking with ourselves in a substitute way, deliberately rethinking our inside control places with words and enunciations which are logically reasonable, progressively pleasing to all parts of us that we should improve," recognizes Dr. Shad Helmstetter. Pick a couple of requests in any case, as more will incorporate submitting them to memory. We are endeavoring to advance our focuses on the mind, not submit words to memory. Repeat the accreditations as you buoy to rest, during the Hypnagogia stage. This is the brief stage among sharpness and rest where you are drowsy. Continue reiterating the affirmations until you yield to drowsiness. To lay it out simply, attempt various things with the methods to find the one that works for you. I suggest you read books and take courses to help you with moving your knowledge. If you give up following a short time in light of the fact that you believe that its debilitating or inconvenient, you'll disregard to yield long stretch increases. It requires time and tirelessness to get results. You're setting up your psyche, such as rehearsing which requires obligation and dedication. Taking everything into account, if you wish to achieve anything of significant worth, your internal psyche is your assistant in progress.

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