#my notifications after accepting the fae contract

[theblehthatbloos]

[mudpuddless]

"the bite in the night and the secret teeth society"

or: what happens when you put Bond in charge of coming up with names

wc: 1.504, vampire/werewolf/fae AU

Mallory was M. He had worked towards this for last twenty threee years, and now he was M and M was dead. the other M, the one that had been the face and soul of the title for so long now.

Mallory was late for his first official meeting. to be completely fair he had only just learned there was a meeting and it wasnt like he could make the elevator move any faster anyhow, so at least it wasn’t entirely his fault. miss moneypenny, his new secretary had just sent him a notification, even though he could have sworn there would be no meetings today, and he had been very sure. It would after all be his very first official meeting.

Mallory was stressed out because he was late for his very first official meeting but Mallory was also M, so it wasn't exactly a good look. He tried to think of something else, but the elevator pinged and the doors opened and Mallory took a deep, calming breath. He might be late, but he was also M, and he hadn’t come by the position by doing anything by halves.

Ten minutes later M was sitting in front of Q’s cluttered desk in a previously cluttered chair in a small, cluttered, office. One of the technicians had spotted him entering Q branch, quickly checked the time and guided him to the Quartermasters office. Which was, by the looks of it the smallest room in the entirety of Q branch, and also devoid of a Quartermaster. The tiny, nervous part of M was glad; he wasnt the last to arrive, so he really couldnt be blamed for not being here on time. M leaned back in his chair and occupied his time looking around the room. To him it seemed like a glorified storage space, the only difference being the desk, which was placed in the middle of the room instead of against a wall like one usually saw in a workspace.

M didnt notice someone had walked up behind him until the young man was already past him, dumping a stack of paper onto the desk. Right behind him was M’s new secretary, who somehow balanced four cups of coffee in her hands.

The young man, Q, as M now realised, huffed at the desk, and - M suspected - the mess, before falling backwards into his chair.

Miss moneypenny simply put down the cups of coffee on top of the stack of papers and pulled out a chair from under the desk. Q stencilled his fingers together, : » were still waiting on someone M. Apologies for the delay, but this is important.«

His tone indicated that while it was important it was also tedious.

The somewhat relaxed atmosphere charged as double oh seven - Bond, M remembered - stepped into the office with a loud smile on his face.

»Eve, Q, Mallory,« He nodded at each of them, »so sorry for the delay, my carriage driver didnt know the way«

For a moment Mallory wondered about the odd choice of words, except neither his secretary nor the quartermaster seemed very surprised.

Eve only took a sip of her coffee while Q rolled his eyes so far back it hurt to look at.

»Bond you’ve been using that excuse since the day I met you and its never once seemed believable. Now-»

Q picked up two of the remaining cups and handed one of them to Bond, who immediately pulled a small silver hip flask from his pocket. Mallory could feel the frown on his face form slowly as Bond slowly emptied the entire thing into his cup, before putting down the open flask on the desk in front of him and handing the cup to Mallory.

By now M felt his stare had become somewhat undignified, especially since neither of the others had raised a single eyebrow.

M accepted the cup before the silence in the room became suffocating and watched as Q handed double oh seven the other cup.

As the Quartermaster and Miss Moneypenny quickly drained their cups M barely took a sip but occupied his time watching Bond plop down on the tiny grey couch in the corner.

Finally the Quartermaster let out a long suffering sigh that was, in Mallory’s humble opinion, not appropriate for the situation at hand.

Q cleared his throat. »Gentlefolk. We have gathered here today to fullfill our sacred duty to inform M, of any and all hidden proceedings of MI6’s full scale of operation. Do you, Gareth Mallory, swear a sacred oath not to reveal these secrets to anyone under any circumstances.?«

M blinked. He wasn't sure if Q was serious, but he hadn't seemed like the kind of person to pull something like this.

Miss Moneypenny pointed her chin at the spiced cup in Mallory's hands.

»You should drink that, or you won't be M for much longer.«

M felt his eyebrows rise. »Are you threatening me?«

Eve raised single eyebrow and carefully balanced her cup on her thigh. »It would be terribly cliché of me to say I was merely stating facts, but it's not not like I'm lying so, no. We’re not threatening you. Sign the papers.«

»And why would I do that, after that …particular… statement?«

Double oh seven sat up straighter and M looked back towards Q quick enough to catch the warning flicker the quartermaster was throwing at bond. He sighed in reined compliance and relaxed in his chair.

»Why do you want me to sign then? I'm sorry but reading-»

He ran his thumb over the side of the stack, and checked the final page where a thin dotted line indicated the lack of a signature that he was apparently supposed to provide,

»- 598 pages of any contract is not quite what I would call entertaining.«

He smiled, only a hint of derision visible in his smile.

»Could you maybe be so kind and sum up what you expect me to sign here?«

Immediately the atmosphere changed. Bond was suddenly on the edge of his seat, a shallow smile distorting his features.

»This contract states, in not quite so many words, that you can never, in any way, tell anyone, living or dead what we-« he deliberately gestured around the room, encompassing the three of them.

»-would be legally obligated to tell you if if you do sign it.«

Mallory followed the gesture around the room; A secretary, the oldest double oh in service and a quartermaster young enough to fit in with university students.

To Mallory they didn't paint the most intimidating of pictures, even in their specific line of work.

»Essentially though, this stack of paper is what makes you M.«

Mallory felt his eyebrows climb up to his hairline. »So when you say youre starting facts when you said I wouldn’t be M if I didnt sign you meant that I literally have to sign this to assume the position?«

Bond smiled slyly. »Of course. What did you think It meant«

»also,« Q added pointedly »to become M you have to know what we will tell you. This rule was put in place for a reason - hundreds of years ago - so we really couldn't do anything about it, but since we are legally obligated to tell you, we put in a counter contract, which you are holding now.«

»Essentially, since we have to tell M our secret, M has to be someone who promised not to be a tattle tale, and to ensure that we combined the contracts of secrecy and appointment to office into one.« Moneypenny explained.

»I apologise for the paper mess« Bond smiled sweetly, relaxing into the couch.

»No you don't,« Q and Moneypenny answered in tandem, clearly annoyed.

The double-oh faux pouted »I do! It's hardly my best work. I've done better with less.«

Q squinted at him from behind his glasses and Eve snorted. Mallory felt like he was missing something essential. »You're a lawyer? I apologise, I have not yet had time to read your file-»

»No worries Mallory, I'm not. But I'm also not telling you anything ›till you sign.« Mallory smiled, trying to lighten the mood again. »Can you at least promise I'm not signing away my soul with this? I hardly have the time to read all of this right now.«

An uncomfortable silence spread around the room.

When Bond spoke his words were clearly carefully chosen and spoken slowly, enunciating each syllable perfectly. »I can promise you won't sell away your soul by signing this contract.«

For a second Mallory hesitated at the sheer gravitas of his words, before pulling out a pen and signing on the dotted line.

The other three smiled happily.

"Now," Moneypenny leaned forward. "You won't believe us, and thats fine. We'll make you believe."

Mallory had the feeling he'd just gotten pulled in a mess of extraordinary proportions.