#my thoughts are not profound

[ink-ghoul]

There's two genres of Minecraft roleplay

- Gay

- Criticism to capitalism

[jesncin]

What Does It Mean? To Be Human, J'onn J'onzz?

[humanjarvis]

more sylus vs caleb thoughts

random little musings i jotted down during my workday lol. just my personal ramblings and interpretations, not proofread

preface: i don't think that caleb has an approach to life that sylus can appreciate. and i think that no matter their similarities, their dislike for each other ultimately stems from the fundamentals, which are what lengths are they willing to go to—what boundaries that sylus respects above all is caleb willing to cross. they have been traumatized and persecuted in similar ways but developed clashing ideologies after the fact

appearance: caleb doesn’t worry too much about his appearance as long as you like it. he’ll let you pick out his clothes and dress him like a doll. he keeps himself fit and well-groomed, both for pilot reasons and because he thinks it’s the best shape for him to be in, but that’s about as much attention he spares his own looks. it’s not that he doesn’t care, but as someone with little self-worth, it’s just not in his nature to ~waste his energy thinking about it. if you’re happy, he’s happy. sylus isn’t vain, but he’s more concerned with how he looks and more interested in fashion. caleb will wear whatever uniform he has at that stage in life—aerospace academy, daa, fleet, etc.— with indifference, but i’d like to think that sylus sees clothes as a way to express himself after years of not having the freedom to and is meticulous about his wardrobe. 

spending: now that i think about it, sylus’s clothes and other expensive tastes may be 1) a way to compensate for the lack of access he had to those things as a persecuted youth and 2) just. a reflection of his willingness to spend money on himself. he can surround himself with the finer things without hesitation or issue, without questioning if he deserves it. i feel like caleb is more reluctant to do so, e.g., when mc sent him safety tips because his hair dryer was damaged to the point of being hazardous and he hadn’t bought a new one yet. he’ll lay money at mc’s feet, for sure, but the concept of spending it on himself just isn’t something that really occurs to him. it doesn’t cross his mind much, but when it does, he might even find it wasteful

decision-making: caleb is happy to make choices for you. sylus will leave it up to you, question if you really want his opinion, and subtly give you his preference when you say yes

working together?: they’re both ambitious and goal-oriented. sylus is used to working with people he doesn’t like, and caleb is unwilling to be seen as, and feel like, the lesser man. so i think they could overcome their differences and work together quite well potentially, if they shared a common interest 

how their dislike manifests: sylus’s dislike is more muted, mainly because he’s a more emotionally secure character. he doesn’t actively hate caleb without a specific reason, and he’s too self-assured to feel jealous, really. he wouldn’t trade his life or appearance for caleb’s, but it would be nice for mc to view him with the same outright trust and comfort she views caleb with. caleb actively dislikes sylus (though he may conceal it). he sees sylus as a threat to his relationship with mc (it’s less that he doesn’t trust her and more of his own thought that he doesn’t deserve her), but also to his capacity to provide for her and his duty to keep her safe. because even if he thinks himself undeserving, her satisfaction and wellbeing are still his to facilitate, just as he thinks they’ve always been. which is why i am interested in how he’d react to knowing that sylus was pulling strings and protecting her when they were both children. because imagine the person you think you’ve kept safe for years and your reason for existing is only alive because of another man’s care

thrill-seeking: someone mentioned that sylus and caleb are both thrill-seekers, and definitely yes. in my head though i make the distinction that sylus's approach is more typical in that does it for the actual adrenaline, e.g., when he backflips out of the plane in freefall gambit just for the hell of it. but caleb does it to feel alive—because otherwise he does not. in one of his texts from when the player doesn’t log in for 30 days, he says he was critically ambushed by a wanderer but ended up being glad about it because battle is the only he still feels alive in mc’s absence. 

detachment and experiencing pleasure: i personally think there is something…hollow about caleb. and i’m not saying he doesn’t have the right to be with all that’s happened to him, but there’s this numbness and detachment in the back of his mind (even before the chip, imo). there are certain things he just doesn’t care about, certain social courtesies he doesn’t entertain. he sees an old friend whose name he didn’t care to remember, he speaks a little too harshly to non-mc people, he’ll sabotage others with no remorse if he sees fit. i think sylus is just able to derive joy out of more things, which is impressive considering all that’s happened to him. like watching animals in the park/on tv, reveling in the nightlife of the n109 zone, playing games with luke and kieran—he gets genuine happiness/enjoyment from those non-mc things, while caleb’s pleasure from the same activities would be a bit…stilted? there’s just something missing.

self-worth and motivation: sylus values himself outside of mc, caleb doesn’t. going back to the 30 days text, i truly think that if mc were ever to leave, sylus would recover because he has the intrinsic motivation to. he has hobbies, he has passions, he has onychinus, and he finds those things personally rewarding. it’s nice to share them with mc, but he doesn’t do them because of her. but caleb’s motivation is more extrinsic—he does things primarily because of mc, to win her smiles and avoid her tears. he might have so little intrinsic motivation that the lines kind of blur and his extrinsic motivation becomes that. mc’s smiles become personally rewarding. her happiness and safety become his own because, going back to what i touched on in my white blood cell comparison, he finds it hard to have an identity outside of her. he questions why he needs to. he thinks about himself in relation to her. so without her presence, without an adequate amount of any kind of motivation, without any kind of self-worth, i don’t think he’d last

pity: this one is interesting. going back to the hollowness—the extent to which they can feel and enjoy non-mc things—i think that if sylus and caleb sat down and shared their life stories with one another—gladiating, experiments, explosions, persecution—sylus would pity caleb. be genuinely sorry that he’s lived such a sad life. but i’m not sure that caleb would do the same. i think he’s so jaded from his life never really being his own that he hears about sylus’s misfortunes and he’s just like yeah, that happens. doesn’t even blink. that’s just the way the world is for him. and combined with the resentment and jealousy he already feels toward him i think pity would just be salt in the wound lol, he’d hate it

class differences, ethics, and the origins of power: caleb resents sylus for the ease with which & the extent to which he can provide for mc. but i’m wondering if he’d also look down on the way sylus amassed his wealth & power: crime and killing and illegal dealings. obviously with caleb being installed as the fleet colonel his hands aren’t clean either, but that wasn’t exactly his decision. pre-fleet, caleb was working summer jobs in high school just so he could buy gifts for mc. he also went through a rigorous flight school and excelled in it—which was because of his own love for flying and desire to be a pilot, but also fed by his need to be able to fly mc to safety if something were to happen. so sylus and caleb both spent their lives preparing for potential threats to mc, both dedicated time to learning skills and building what wealth they could to eventually make her happy, but there’s that difference in how they went about it. i feel like, at least internally, caleb would kind of scorn and delegitimize sylus’s success—not because he actually cares about the ethics of it, he couldn’t care less about sylus breaking the law (he’ll do the same if necessary)—but because that success is being used to provide for and protect mc. pre-fleet caleb was trying to make an earnest living and do everything by the book so he could give mc a sense of normalcy, and then sylus just swoops in with his motorbike and blood money and thinks he has the right to do the same? he’s busting his ass every day, but one shady deal and sylus has already exceeded everything he’s worked to attain? he resents that. he is somewhat jealous. but he resents it

hm. they both dream of a world where they can live peacefully with mc. but sylus’s world would have more than 2 people in it

this is too long and has no direction so i will cut it here ❤️

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

do you think it's weird or unfounded to not want to use chat gpt due to the environmental cost? i feel really strongly that i want to completely avoid it (and, like, recreational/work related ai in general) for that reason, but people seem to think this is really weird when i express that as a reason. but i feel like i should be able to make this call if i want to and that's a good reason to not use it. i don't know?!?!?! i don't get anything anymore?!?!?!

[daydreaming-voice]

Do you think it's kinda weird for Cheated to receive affection?

I mean, like Cold is born from violence, and violence is one of the only things he knows, The only thing Cheated has ever known is pain.

And whenever good things do happen, it's usually followed by something terrible, or their are strings attached.

"It’s par for the corse."

So when everything is said and done and their all free from the cabin, the freedom is unusual for him.

Does he feel like this is all temporary? Does he have intrusive thoughts that the rugs gonna be pulled out from under them at any given moment, and they'll be back in the basement with Razor because that's just his fucking luck?

Does he instinctively flinch or shrink away from being touched because he's just expecting it to be painful? When he receives gentleness, does he feel uncomfortable and expects their to be strings attached?

Then he starts to feel guilty because it's not fair to others to just assume things like that.

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Okay now that I've reblogged that one post...

Holy shit

Like, please understand me. This is how I already interpreted these relationships after reading Journal 3 but like

Wow Ford really was in a weird kinda complicated gay situationship with Bill and Fiddleford, huh? When he's all alone on Christmas in tbob he's all like "Oh yeah haha of course...of course. You have. Yeah. You have a wife, F. How could I expect you not to leave. I am totally not secretly hoping you'll turn around and come back to me, or that you'll even bring your family back here if you have to so I can see you. I'd retreat to my dreams but I haven't seen my muse in weeks and I miss him so badly. I'm so alone"

He and Fiddleford aren't even dating but it's hard not to get the light impression that this situationship is such that Ford kinda treats Bill like his comfort triangle from his head and dreams and Fiddleford like his comfort best friend in his lab. Like he's sad on Christmas that his boyfriends left him alone, you know? Of course it's definitely more complicated than just that, but they are dear companions to him

Or when Bill finally comes back and Ford is pissed

"You return now? After all of that, after me missing you so badly, almost dying, wondering if I'd dreamed it all up. You return now like it was no biggie? Did you ever mean the things you said? Did you not find some other scientist or some other big brain to talk up? Have you found someone else? Another partner?"

And then Bill, dodging the question was like "Funny you think I'm cheating on you as if you haven't been spending all that time with F. The side bitch. The third wheel. You've even considered telling him everything, even though you know he has second thoughts. Heh. A little birdie told me he dreams of shutting down the project even."

Leading Ford to be like "Aw hell how could I accuse my muse of such a terrible thing when I haven't been a saint. He's right! F has been much less motivated lately and I've just gotten so paranoid from the isolation. I'm so sorry for my baseless accusations."

I don't even have a lot to say I just love these three. Fiddleford put up with a lot of shit from Ford while also dealing with his own problems and trying to help him regardless, while Stanford saw him as a comfort and a good friend but ultimately someone who was of lesser mind than he and couldn't see things through his eyes, while Bill was in Stanford's corner actively making him worse and contributing to his isolation (trying to get him to drop Fiddleford and actively feeding his paranoia), while Stanford was seeing both relationships of his with stars in his eyes and rose tinted glasses because he refused to do some introspection

There's so much stuff that journal 3 and tbob added to the equation that's just bad/shitty all around. Can't believe Ford went through a double divorce/breakup despite not having ever been married (or, at least, despite not even officially dating them sorta)

The entire situation in the past is just tragic and hilarious and concerning all at once and that's what I like the portal trio for tbh

[the-mob-mentality]

[strawhattery]

Meltdown on Aisle 12

Sabo/Koby | Teen | 6,937 words

Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Coby/Sabo (One Piece), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Past Coby/Grus, Character's Name Spelled as Koby (One Piece), Starting Over, Pre-Relationship, Hopeful Ending

Ten days after uprooting his life and moving across the country for his boyfriend, Koby finds himself single, homesick, and face-to-face with his first love.

[boycaca]

I think people saying that ei discarded scara because he was too “fragile” or too “emotional” is a bit… meh for me. It feels like people are calling him… idk… too emotional?? Even if they dont mean it literally

Ei needed an unfeeling puppet to pursue her ideals of eternity, and upon scara’s creation she noticed that she had made a sentient being. And not wanting to destroy a creation that is far too human for what she needed him for, she put him to sleep in shakkei pavillion.

And thats the thing… he was too human for her ultimate goal. When he awakened due the unknown error, he misunderstood it as him being abandoned because he was not the prefect tool for her. Rather than realising that maybe, just maybe this might have been an act of mercy on him (i mean, look at what happened to furina. A human having to play god for 500 years is definitely no walk in the park), he saw it as ei throwing away a broken toy and removing the battery he needed to work for a different, better toy.

I think ei’s and scara’s dynamic is much more complex than just simply being “mother and son” (although it would be a bold-faced lie if i said i hated or didnt like that type of dynamic for them). I think scara likening his creator to a parent is very human of him, and exactly what ei didnt need. Although ei does call him “child” (at least… in cn) its more like a term of endearment rather than her genuinely seeing him as her child. But because ei needed a tool, scara also ends up seeing himself as nothing but a tool and an asset for others once he decides to abandon his human emotions after everything that happened in tatarasuna.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about them…. I do believe ei was not in the wrong for not wanting to have a very human puppet serve for her, but i also do not think ei is completely in the right for abandoning scara, as he is was created by her own hands the same way a mother would give life to a child (big fan of frankenstein and the question of “who was the true evil? Victor or the monster?”). Hmmm….

I want them to interact in the future 😮‍💨

[greenleaf4stuff]

TROP x social media text posts (screenshots via cap-that.com) (my other trop memes)

[sha-brytols]

in my head isabela has the exact same relationship with gender that i do. which by virtue of me having no fucking idea how to express my relationship with gender makes it impossible to actually articulate. but like. uhhhhhhh i remember once when i was in high school i saw this blog post about gender expression through bisexuality and that was literally the only time i ever had my own thoughts and experiences explained back to me but also because this was like almost 10 years ago i could not possibly hope to find it again. anyways if anyone has literally any idea what im talking about thats isabela. to me.

[mischieviem]

Had this concept banging around in my head begging to be released so

I finally forced myself to do it ahaha

[mumblesplash]

i have a confession to make

[ganondoodle]

sometimes i wish i was one of those artist that make people go "this is a PAINTING???" or "with WHAT programm/medium???" but its just not what i can do or find fun :/

[ddlcbrainrot]

okay i just keep thinking about monika's relationship with the player and how much it leaves a mark on monika's character i have a lot of thoughts on this

[broareweabouttoviberightnow]

Have you ever watched stand by me 👉👈

If not, you should, and if you have, what's your opinions on it?

:)

this probably aint necessary but just in case!! stand by me spoilers under the cut!!

Heya hon!! ok. I HAVE!! however it has been a VERY long time. I remember. likin it. for the most part. I both read the book it was originally based on n watched the movie n (again if memory serves) enjoyed both!! there is definitely a case to be made that both the outsiders n stand by me are DEEPLY similar genres (young group of poor boys, shrouded in tragedy, comin of age). n I remember the endin deeply affected me. I'll throw a spoiler warnin in here just in case anyone is interested in tryin to watch/ read it!! but the realization that findin the body wasn't some great adventure or mythical story. it was just a child. like them. who had once run n played n scraped knees. had once had a childhood just like there's. God. that shit left such an insane mark on me as a child. it was such a starkly different endin then you had come to expect from that type of story. it was (n probably still is) one of the best subversion of expectations I've encountered. I remember Gordie n Chris' friendship also left such a lastin ache in me. in some ways they remind me of Pony n Johnny. (Another big spoiler warnin) The endin of Chris n Gordie growin up n driftin apart n Gordie readin about Chris dyin tryin to protect someone when a gas station he happened to be in was held up. probably rewrote somethin in my brain. The book at least (n I believe the movie too) have a similar endin to the outsiders with Gordie recountin the story of that summer. the line right near the end: 'I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?' still haunts my ass to this day. good lord.