#mywords

[1thesewordsaremyown1]

Saw this post and since I've had similar thoughts, I thought time for a little ficlet. Set after Tommy and Buck have got back together of course.

Tommy strolls into the 118 with a smile on his face and a spring in his step, looking forward to his date with Evan. He started heading towards the locker room when a voice from the side brought him up short.

"Just can't seem to leave this place, can you Kinard?"

Tommy froze and turned in disbelief to see Gerrard slowly walking down the stairs.

"It would seem that neither can you," Tommy replied, keeping his voice neutral.

"I'm here because of my job. What's your excuse?" Gerrard stopped at the bottom of the stairs and crossed his arms, his disapproving gaze sweeping over Tommy.

Tommy resisted the urge to cross his arms defensively. "I'm here to pick up Evan."

"Buckley? What for?"

"Hey!"

At the sound of his boyfriend's voice, Tommy turned away from Gerrards and beamed as Buck emerged from the locker rooms, a smile brighter than the sun on his handsome face.

Eyes fixed on Tommy, Buck seemingly didn't notice Gerrard as he bounced over to his boyfriend and pulled him in for a quick kiss.

"You ready to go?" Tommy asked, Gerrard all but forgotten.

"Absolutely. "

"You're GAY?!?"

The pair froze and turned towards Gerrard, who remained at the base of the stairs, now with a look of disgust twisting his features.

"No, I'm not gay," Buck said evenly.

Gerrard raised a disbelieving eyebrow. "You're not?"

"No. I'm bisexual. I like both men AND women."

Gerrard sniffed disapprovingly. "I thought you were better than that, Buckley." He looked at Tommy. "This is why you people shouldn't be allowed in jobs like this. Going around, corrupting perfectly good fire-fighters."

"Oh, he didn't corrupt me," Buck interjected. "If anything, I was the one who corrupted him."

Buck grinned wickedly, a glint in his eye, and grasping the other man's shirt, he pulled Tommy back in for another kiss. Only this time, rather than the chaste peck from before, he opened his mouth and swept his tongue across Tommy's lips, making the kiss filthier than one they would normally share in public (not that there hadn't been exceptions of course, with Chim and Maddie's wedding immediately springing to Tommy's mind).

Breaking away, Buck grasped Tommy's hand in his own before turning to face Gerrard. "Now if you'll excuse us, I have a hot date with the love of my life. See you around Gerrard."

Tugging on his hand, Buck began leading Tommy towards the exit. Allowing his hand to slip free, Tommy instead moved his arm to slip around his boyfriend's waist, pulling him into side and Evan reciprocated, slipping a hand into the back pocket of Tommy's jeans.

Tommy turned his head to glance at Evan and was met with an adoring look that made his heart flutter. Dropping another smaller, softer kiss on his waiting lips, the pair headed off to enjoy a romantic evening together, leaving their stunned, bigoted audience behind.

[delicateporcelaindoll]

[rumor-imbris]

Rare and brutal an embrace with the ocean Not fatal but shattering I want to hold you, in a rising tide and make you burn inside like I set fire to your waves

[oddp1ant]

All the jayce defenders saying "actually he did the right thing, act 3 will prove he saw the future / Viktor asked him to / that wasn't Jayce" consider: it doesn't matter whether he was right or wrong. Lbr, it would be incredibly OOC for anyone on this whole damn show to make a good or "right" decision.

It's the bad decision show. That's what we love about it.

I don't need act 3 to justify or condemn his actions, I need it to finally give the emotional context that has frankly been lacking their whole arc so far. Going from resurrecting your dead partner with evil magic and promising him your undying devotion to blasting a hole through his chest without a word requires some uhh. Elaboration. And Viktor's dispassionate "it's time to say goodbye now" (I know he's already hexbrained but come on) and just looking placidly at Jayce the whole time? There's been no in-text acknowledgment of where his expressiveness has gone, his anger and desperation and betrayal. Like we can all infer it's the hexcore but not even mentioning it on-screen feels empty imo.

And to all the people saying "you're not ready for toxic doomed yaoi if you can't handle them killing each other, this is peak romance" well, for now that reads a bit hollow to me. Don't get me wrong, I'll take my favorite characters elbow deep in each other's blood and guts over a chaste kiss and a 'nice' romance any day. But that's just the thing: being splattered in your partner's viscera means being connected at an intrinsic level, means being closer to another person than should ever be possible. Jayce punched through Viktor's chest from a distance. Viktor took it like there was no heart in there to break.

I need the heartbreak, dammit. Make it mean something, that's all I ask.

Tldr: I love my failwife Jayce and if Viktor doesn't come back to homoerotically immolate him with the hexclaw I'll riot

[bandersnatchers]

I think something that always makes me cry about Astarion is just his learning what he can be like when he actually has safety and a support system. (Warning: the admittedly overly long essay has some spoilers)

Like sure in his initial dealings with you, it might look like he disapproves of good deeds if you're not choosing sassy answers.

But the man's been mentally/sexually/physically abused for 200 years and he straight up believes people can't genuinely care. All he has is his survival instinct and the knowledge of what hell is like. You beat a dog enough and all it knows is violent anger, and you meet him after he has just been given a slice of freedom from those centuries of beatings. He's terrified it's going to be taken away from him. Of course hes not going to be wanting to do things that could risk this freedom. Of course he's going to fall back on the only way he knows to barely survive - manipulation and cruelty.

But as the story goes on, if you show him you actually care, that you're genuinely nice, he learns he actually has safety with your character, stability even. This doesn't even have to be romantic, like the scene where you just back him up and say "Astarion is his own person, he makes his own choices" is a literal shock to his system. He has not had simple autonomy in over 200 years, I can't even imagine what that does to your mindset. And if you do go down the romantic route and you're actually accepting of him wanting to slow down and that you still genuinely care about him... He learns that as a survivor he's still worth love even if he doesn't provide sexual gratification. That his companionship is all you need - that he's worth it. That he's more than it.

There was definitely hints of him caring before. I mean I was sitting at high approval with him for a while, and you can definitely see through his sassiness that he is starting to care about the party. After this though, he just genuinely sees your character as someone he can depend on, and he starts approving of good actions ie) giving food to kids, letting yenna stay with you. And he approves because he's not as terrified anymore. He's not frantically clutching at resources or power or safety, because for the first time, with these companions, he doesn't need to. For the first time he sees that people can be genuinely caring and that's okay and good. He sees that maybe even he can be genuinely caring. The bond with the group grows SO much, and he finally has people he can rely on and that rely on him.

And when you get to act 2/3 (depending on where you separate the acts) and you learn what Cazador wants, you see him start to get mean and defensive again and it's because he's terrified he's going to lose everything he just recently grasped. His instinct is to power grab - what he mainly knows is that power means people can't hurt you - means you can hurt them instead. He's up against his abuser of 200 years and while yea, the group is strong and by this point you've likely done some incredible feats, 200 years of abuse makes Cazador the most terrifying monster to him. Furthermore, as you progress towards Cazador, Astarion has to witness what 200 years of his slavery has done to others, has to look them in the eye when he didn't even know they were still alive. He has to contend with what he was forced to do, what this means for others, what this means for him.

Astarion is then given such a potential boon - he can make it all go away. He can make the 7000 spawn go away. He can make Cazador go away. He can make the last 200 years go away. He can be free in the sun. He can make it so no one can ever hurt him again, forever. All he has to do is follow through with what most of his life has taught him - that cruelty and power are the only things that matter. All he has to do is kill 7000 victims (and oh how easily he can spin this to be a good thing), and all he has to do is kill his damned master (this is a good thing I will admit).

But this isn't that story. This is a story about a survivor that finally had the support and love to learn that he is more than what was done to him, and what he was forced to do. This is a story about a person who looks at exactly what terrifies him the most, and decides I will break this cycle of abuse, I will look it dead on, while with my friends, my new family, and I will stop it. This is a story about a person who learns that yes, certainly, there are cruel things in this world, horrors that haunt you, but this is a world full of love and care and he can help it. He can love and care for it, or in the very least start with his companions.

I haven't progressed much past this part yet, but thinking about it always makes me tear up. I know the story going forward could have some devastating twists, but right now I'm just excited to see what Astarion is like with this chapter over. Im very thankful Larian gave us this story of survivorship and love.

[indeedgoodman]

📍Arizona, whenever the sky appears like this, my mind just melts in a way that provides peace and ease, no troubles of the past, worries of the future, or issues of the present, just tranquility… stillness, in gratitude, admiring GOD's canvas and masterpiece.

indeedgoodman.

[lipglossfantasy]

Whenever I like your posts, it’s my way of saying hi..😘

[gozandopelamente]

Valeu Natalina!!! 🎉

[spookstat]

Btw in my beautiful world Tenna is a butch woman

[naimabycoltrane]

You feel these words hit,

but wait ‘til this pussy hits your tongue—

a symphony of pleasure,

a slow burn you can’t shake,

every syllable just a tease

before the real shit takes over.

You thought you knew what desire was,

but you won’t understand

until it’s wrapped around your throat,

spilling from your lips like secrets

that only the bold get to taste.

I ain’t gotta whisper to make you listen—

my presence is a sentence,

my gaze a full-stop that makes you pause,

tracing every curve of your skin

like it’s a map I’m meant to navigate.

I speak in rhythms that make your heart skip,

my words a prelude,

but the real heat is in the space between,

where silence is thicker,

where my touch speaks louder than anything I say.

[floradelisstuff]

Something I wrote last night after being accused of falsehood... Image created in Photoshop with the aid of BeFunky

[1thesewordsaremyown1]

Talk About Jinxing Yourself

Read on ao3 or below

Tommy softly closed the door to Eddie’s place behind him (Evan’s place now, he had to remind himself) and paused for a moment on the front step to take a deep breath.  Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he quickly organized an uber to come pick him up.  The nearest available car was fifteen minutes away, so he arranged to be picked up from the corner store he had been at only an hour before and started walking.

When he reached the store he checked his watch – still five minutes until the car arrived, so he sat down on the kerb to wait.   Bringing his legs up, he crossed his arms on his knees and dropped his head to rest on them.  He knew what he looked like – a guy in last night’s clothes, slumped over on a roadside kerb, but he didn’t care.  All he wanted was to go back in time, just a few hours, to when he had woken that morning with Evan fast asleep in his arms.  He had simply laid there for a few minutes, his eyes drinking in every inch of him – the way the early morning sun streaming through the bedroom window highlighted the flecks of gold in Evan’s hair, his long eyelashes fluttering, his handsome face relaxed in sleep.

Not wanting to wake him up, he had untangled their legs before gently removing the arm that was flung across Tommy’s waist.  Silently getting dressed, he had headed to the kitchen, intent on waking Evan with breakfast in bed only to find the fridge and cupboards bare.  Remembering from previous instances of hanging out with Eddie and needing last minute snacks and beers that there was a store only a short walk away, and since he had taken an uber to the bar last night, he had grabbed his phone and wallet and made the short journey on foot, enjoying the early morning sun and fresh air on his face.  The kind, elderly lady who owned the store had been unable to hide an amused smile at his unkept hair and what was obviously the previous night’s clothes and gave him a sly wink when she scanned the bottle of champagne along with the rest of the groceries.

He should never have bought the champagne.  Talk about jinxing yourself.  He had popped it in the freezer for a quick chill in the hopes that they could open it after breakfast, celebrating the two of them getting back together.  Instead, he had to open his stupid mouth and ruin everything.

Although, at the same time, he didn’t regret saying anything.  He resented the fact that it had resulted in now sitting on a dirty kerb, no closer to being back with Evan than he was the day before, but he had vowed to himself when he woke up that morning that if he and Evan were going to give it another shot, things would be different this time.  He was going to try to be more open and honest.  And as much as he hated feeling the way he did about Eddie, deep down he knew that at some point it was going to have to be said.  He just wished it hadn’t slipped out the way that it had.

Did he really think Evan had feelings for Eddie?  It was so complicated.  Regardless of whether Eddie was straight (and he honestly didn’t think Eddie was gay – Tommy may only have been out for the last 8 years or so, but he felt his gaydar was pretty functional, and he just didn’t get that feeling from him), it didn’t mean that Evan still didn’t harbour feelings for Eddie.  Whether they were romantic or not… that’s where the uncertainty fell for Tommy.  Regardless, even if Evan didn’t have feelings for Eddie, Tommy had always felt like he was competing for Evan’s attention.  Look, he got it, Eddie had been going through a rough patch for the past few months, what with the Kim debacle and Chris leaving, but his over reliance on Evan to help him feel better about himself was… grating.  (And boy, did that make him feel like a terrible friend, feeling that way.  No wonder Diaz didn’t bother keeping in contact once he and Evan had broken up.)  But there had been far more than one occasion where a date night had started late because Evan had had to rush to go help Eddie deal with some crisis, or Eddie had joined them because Evan had felt sorry for him and hadn’t wanted Eddie to be lonely.

Maybe this was all Tommy’s problem, and he had an inability to recognise what a true friendship was.  He didn’t have very many close friends.  Any at all really.  It’s not like he had no friends; he had plenty.  He just had none that weren’t more than a casual hang out for drinks or trivia night every now and then – certainly no one he could bare his soul to when things got hard.  He had spent so much of his life hiding who he really was – first with his father, then the army, then at the 118 under Gerrard – that he found it hard to open himself up to people, to let them in.  He wasn’t sure if the closeness that the 118 seemed to have with one another was perfectly normal and it was his inexperience that was clouding his judgement – perhaps that’s what deep friendships were really like?  Maybe he was just being silly and selfish in feeling that pang of jealousy every time Eddie unintentionally interfered with his and Evan’s plans, in the way that Eddie could rely on Evan to drop whatever he was doing and help.  He didn’t know – all he knew was that during his relationship with Evan there had been an ever-growing yearning that Tommy for once in his life be seen as a priority for someone else.  And yeah, he knew it was incredibly selfish of him to think that way, but when he heard that Eddie was gone… well sue him for being happy at the prospect of finally getting that chance.

Not that it mattered in the end.  Because Tommy had opened his stupid mouth and said the wrong thing (again!) and then Evan had said… he’d said…

Tommy took a shuddering breath and squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears that had started to form from falling.

Behind him, there was the cheerful jingle of a small bell as the store door opened and shut.  He heard a soft set of footfalls approach and stop next to him.

“You okay there hon?”

Tommy lifted his head and looked up to see the store owner he had met earlier.

“Fine thanks,” Tommy said with the smallest and most unconvincing smile ever known to man that he suspected that this woman could see through as easily as seeing though glass.

“Mmm hmm,” she said in a tone that suggested Tommy was right.  Shifting, she sat down on the kerb next to Tommy with a small groan.  Her eyes took in Tommy’s features – his drawn face and moist eyes – and her eyes softened.  “So, didn’t go so well, did it?”

Tommy turned his head back towards the road to avoid her gaze and hide the tears that had sprung back up.  Refusing to let them fall, he shook his head slowly and silently, and beside him he could hear her tut sympathetically.  A small, dark hand rested on the hand that rested on his knee and squeezed.

“I’m sorry.  She’s a fool to turn away a handsome man like you.”

“He,” Tommy corrected automatically, eyes still trained on the road.

“Then that boy’s a fool,” she amended, not missing a beat.  “A man buys enough food to cook up a buffet breakfast along with a nice bottle of wine, only to get sent packing?  If I were twenty years younger, and a man of course, I’d snatch you up in a heartbeat.”

Tommy couldn’t help but give a short bark of laughter.  He turned to look at his companion.  “Thanks.”

Tommy’s brief smile started to slip, and he felt his hand squeezed again.  “Oh honey, I’m sure things will work out in the end.”

Before he could reply, a car pulled up in front of them – his uber had arrived.  Standing, he turned and offered his hand to help the store owner to stand.

“Such a gentleman,” she said with a teasing smile, accepting.  “Like I said, twenty years younger…”

“Thank you,” Tommy said once he’d helped her to his feet, and on an impulse, he leaned forward a planted a soft peck on her wrinkled cheek.  “For offering comfort to a stranger.”

“Not a problem at all.  Good luck sweetheart.”

With a reassuring pat on his bicep and another smile, she turned and headed back into her store, while Tommy hopped into the uber.  His mind was roiling on the short drive home, barely taking note of the building traffic as people with regular 9-5 jobs started to make their commute to work.  Once he had arrived at his house, paid the driver and walked through the door, he dropped his keys into their bowl and headed into his kitchen.  In the end, he’d had nothing to eat at Evan’s so his stomach was grumbling, but he found that he couldn’t bear the thought of eating anything.  He stood in the middle of the kitchen, staring blankly at the fridge, not knowing what to do.  Now that he was home, and without the distraction of the conversation with that nice lady form the store, the memories of what had happened that morning returned with painful clarity.

Evan had said that he didn’t care for him anymore.  “I don’t have to have feelings for everyone I sleep with,” he had said.  Right after they had slept together.  Evan had told him how he really felt, and Tommy had heard him loud and clear.  And all that morning he had been stupidly thinking and hoping that they had found a way back to each other, that they could give their relationship another chance, when for Evan it had just been a one-time thing.  A drunken mistake.  A way to scratch an itch.  That’s all Tommy was – that’s all he’d ever been in his life – a Mr. Right Now, never a Mr. Right.  And he had so badly wanted to be Evan’s Mr. Right, to finally be able to address his abandonment issues, fight through his fears of inadequacy and try and make it work this time with Evan.  To have a second chance.  And Evan…

Evan hadn’t wanted him.  Not anymore.

This time, alone and in the safety of his own house, Tommy allowed the tears to fall.

[rumor-imbris]

Bruised and tainted by the world my soul refuged in your eyes living as a nacreous glare Then your heart silently taught mine to own its pain to feed its flames I learnt to love like wielding a blade

[oddp1ant]

Chapters: 1/4 Fandom: Arcane: League of Legends (Cartoon 2021) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jayce/Viktor (League of Legends) Characters: Jayce (League of Legends), Viktor (League of Legends) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Missing Scene, set during act 1 timeskip, First Kiss, First Time, Getting Together, Resolved Sexual Tension, resolved yearning pining etc., Trans Viktor (League of Legends), Trans Male Character, Porn with Feelings, or possibly feelings with porn, Slow Build, Tenderness, Character Study, Tags will update with chapters, explicit rating from chapter 3 Summary:

“Hey.” He nudges Viktor’s side. “If you could be anywhere right now, where would you go?”

Viktor nudges him back playfully. “By foot or by Hexgate?”

“Anywhere, your pick.”

“Home,” Viktor deadpans.

 In the light of their highest achievement yet, Jayce and Viktor discuss dreams, ambitions and desires.

[melancholicmari]

Untitled #2

How do you forget someone

When the night sky is just a reminder of the stardust that created her

And her voice echoes, a constant chorus in the breeze that dances through her hair, a golden field

How do you forget her

When living means breathing her memory

[iamagentcoop]

*sneaks back in* Almost exactly 3 years after it started posting, I finished Oakland? So for anyone out there interested, if you want to read in its entirety, IT IS NOW AVAILABLE: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26446165/chapters/64435024…

(Also, enjoy the original graphic I made for it. Design is my passion.)