#no i’m watching this scene on replay

[babygirlhouse]

i’ve never wanted to be a cat more in my entire godforsaken life

[jojea]

“From here on out it's pretty simple: wherever you are, there I am.”

[missbubblesoda]

early in the morning, especially when it rains, and a little before noon. (14)

erwin x fem!reader

chapters: (1) | (2) | (3) | (4) | (5) | (6) | (7) | (8) | (9) | (10) | (11) | (12) | (13) | (15) | (16) | (17) | (18) | (19) | (20) | (21) | (22) | (23) | (24) | (25) | (26) | (27)

summary: I basically took Isayama’s work, forced it into a romance story, and made Erwin the love interest. Commander meets cadet and they fall in love (not instantly though)

notes: very berry canonverse (but some events were modified to fit my narrative), wasn’t intended to be this long, but it all is in the details right?

content warnings: smut where it fits (or where I make it fit. Also, reader is NOT underage, so likewise, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, please.) slow burn (I really mean it. I’m not olympic diving into any form of smut for the first chapters.) no angst. I dislike angst. I would never. I could never. (Although angst can be somewhat subjective so take it with a grain of salt?)

wc: 3.6k

“He absolutely despises me.” Hitch took a sip from the generously sized mug you had brought for her when she had appeared at your front door earlier that afternoon. She then pulled your favorite childhood blanket over her knees before proceeding to wear an amused expression that, much to your confusion, completely contradicted the story she was telling. “I would love to say such hate is unfounded but…”

“What did you do?” You eyed her suspiciously, the corners of your mouth already curving up in preparation for the inevitable burst of laughter that always followed your friend’s stories.

“Well, you need some context first. This man. He is a creep. And by creep, I mean his soldier is always standing. Even when it doesn’t have a reason to.”

“Quite alarming indeed. Especially if he’s your superior.” Your nose crinkled in disgust. You couldn’t imagine how uncomfortable it would be to work under someone like that.

“Right? And also for the sake of context, I feel you should know that he has a god complex. He even told some of the girls that he has royal blood and that, get this, was supposed to be a prince! Ha! As if!” She rolled her eyes in disbelief before continuing with her story. “Anyway, he’s always following the girls around like a dog, not me though, because in case I haven’t made it clear by now, he doesn’t like me. Luckily.” She raised a finger to emphasize. “And if you are a boy, or me for that matter, you can be damn sure that he will find the most unpleasant and annoying activity and immediately task you with it.” She smirked and her face reminded you of a high schooler who was about to brag about their grades. “He already disliked me before the night of the ball, but after it, oh I made it to the top of his list!”

You nodded, leaning forward, eager to listen to what was coming next. You knew you were about to get to the part of the story where the Hitch in her name was going to show.

“So, everybody who had been working that night was on the verge of a mental collapse and couldn’t wait to go home and have it in private. We were waiting for the last guests to leave and when they finally did I went to him, my superior, who was talking with a wealthy looking grandpa and, what I hope was his daughter, to inform him that all the guests had left.” Hitch decided to take a sip of her chocolate, and you couldn’t help but feel that it had been solely with the intent of creating anticipation, and not exactly because she was thirsty, but you had to admit it was working. “He saw I was exhausted, so naturally, like any good boss would, he told me I could go home…” She brought the mug to her lips again, but you widened your eyes at her, so she decided to complete her idea instead. “After I made sure the toilets were spotless.” You looked back at her with a pained expression that completely contrasted the proud grin that, for some reason, was crossing your friend’s face. “The stupid smirk he had on his stupid face told me he was expecting me to complain, but let me tell you, he couldn’t have been more wrong. Because instead, I accepted my fate with grace and walked away after leaving some equally graceful words behind: Yes, your hardness.”

You opened your mouth wide, stomach already tensing up in anticipation of the good laugh you were about to get, but before that, you needed to ask one more question. And, as if guessing what it would be, Hitch nodded. “Yes, the shape was clearly visible through his pants. You had to see his face. It was an unforgettable evening, indeed.”

A pleasant warmth filled your chest the same way your laughter filled the room. You looked at Hitch through teary eyes and realized how much you had missed your friend. You couldn’t complain about life back at the base, but you really craved moments like this, with her, moments that had been part of your night routine during the three full years you had spent as roommates.

After the laughter died down and you were able to speak again, you asked: “But like, how come you are still alive after that?”

“Well, as you may imagine, things would most definitely get terrible after such an incident. But I can’t confirm that, because I didn’t stay to find out. The next morning, I went to Commander Nile and begged him to transfer me to another unit.”

“And? Did he?”

“Yes, but I had to write like ten formal requests and practically get down on my knees before he even started to consider it. Because the thing about Commander Nile is that he is also insufferable, only that he does it in a different way.” As you listened to Hitch complain about her superiors, your heart started to take distracting leaps inside your chest, and you did your best to fight back the smile that threatened to spread across your face at the thought of your own boss and how good he was to you. He was good. So good.

“He’s moody and annoying, but at least he’s respectful, professional, and most importantly, isn’t trying to sleep with everyone. Oh my goodness. Not me complimenting Commander Nile.” She crinkled her nose in disgust. “Anyway, that doesn’t change the fact that he’s moody all the time, and permanently has the face of someone who hasn’t been able to poop in years. At first, I thought it was because he wasn’t getting any, but then!” She raised her voice, suddenly and unnecessarily, and in an equally dramatic fashion, raised both index fingers as if asking you to pay close attention. “The other day his wife walked into the headquarters, and imagine the way my jaw dropped to the literal pits of hell when I saw her.” You shuffled in your end of the couch, making yourself more comfortable. Other people’s business was your favorite literary genre. “Not only because Commander Nile pulled a one-eighty, completely transforming himself from insufferable boss to soft-eyed husband in a matter of seconds, but also because his wife is the complete opposite of him.” Her eyes widened, and even though you weren’t too fond of the annoying cliffhangers she deliberately sprinkled here and there in between sentences, you loved how expressive she was. It was all part of her incredible storyteller skills.

“What does she look like?” You sipped from your mug. The chocolate, nice and warm, and just as sweet as you liked it.

“A goddess. Gorgeous doesn’t even begin to describe her. Beautiful falls short. Stunning doesn’t do her justice.” She explained, very dramatically. “Okay maybe I’m exaggerating but she does look good. Lush strands of gold falling to her hips, swaying synchronously with them as she gracefully makes her way to wherever she has decided to charm with her presence next. It’s important for you to know that she doesn’t just walk, she makes her way gracefully.” You knew what she meant, you had come across that type of people before. The holders of the type of grace that couldn’t be learned, borrowed, or created from experience. And you suddenly remembered the title of a book the commander kept in his office: ‘Walking artwork. Talking poetry.’ The name had stuck with you for some reason, maybe you would borrow it from him one of these days. “Eyes bluer than the summer sky, porcelain skin that reminded me of that expensive doll I spent half my childhood begging my mom to buy for me.”

“Are you sure you aren’t in love with your boss’ wife?” You joked, as a part of you wondered what it would feel like to be so attractive and unforgettable that people would spend so many words attempting to describe your beauty.

“Actually, I’m not sure. Because on top of elegance and good looks, she also has manners and good personality. She smiled and greeted everyone she passed by. And it wasn’t one of those fake smiles you put on just to show your perfect teeth, you know. She’s genuinely charming, and most importantly, smells good.”

“You’re right. Smelling good is what it all comes down to in the end.” You agreed, smiling to yourself at the thought of a very distinctive, musky scent you had grown quite addicted to.

“I don’t understand how someone like her ended up marrying my boss. She could have married anyone she wanted. In fact…” She smirked in a way that successfully reminded you of good old classroom gossip. “Did you know she was this close to marrying your boss?”

You held the mug against your lips, fingers completely freezing around the warm ceramic, unresponsive hands forcing you to taste the liquid that had strangely turned bitter all of a sudden. Sour, even.

“Oh yeah, I heard it from my senior.” Hitch explained, completely misreading your reaction, wearing an amused expression, as she continued to provide gossip that, at any other point in your life, you would have found juicy. She had no way of knowing the silent commotion that piece of information was actually stirring inside you. “Apparently, they used to be close friends back in the day, all three of them. Both, your boss and mine, were completely smitten with her.” You realized your chocolate had gotten unpleasantly tepid as well. “But she ended up choosing mine instead. I wonder if she regrets her decision. Because I would sure as hell do. I mean look at your boss. He’s aging like fine wine, and then look at mine.” She made a face that, under any other circumstances, you would have found funny, maybe next time, when your heart stopped acting like a lemon, a very bitter one, being squeezed for lemonade, and your chocolate, like you hadn’t sweetened it yourself. “But maybe I’m biased, since it’s mandatory for everyone to hate their boss. You know, rule of thumb, law of nature, common sense. Which reminds me, how’s life working under the infamous Erwin Smith? Is he as insufferable as your average boss or worse?” She asked, bringing the mug to her lips.

“We slept together.”

“Sorry?” You didn’t know if she was double-checking because she didn’t believe her ears, or because she didn’t actually hear you, as you had purposely lowered your voice in fear your mother would catch this part of the conversation.

“I slept with the commander.”

“You fucked Erwin Smith?!” She shouted, effectively choking on the sip she had just taken.

“Yes, but please don’t announce it to everyone. I don’t want Mother to think that’s the only thing I’m doing there. Even though I wish it was.” You added, unable to stop your teeth from biting your bottom lip, as the rest of your body reminisced about that night.

“Okay but, I knew it!” She then said, now whispering.

“What do you mean you knew it?”

“I saw the way you look at him. At the ball. I instantly knew those eyes were looking for, you know, a little bedroom activity.” She glanced at the ceiling as if it was a cabinet filled with her memories, and the wood beams, files she was passing a finger over. “And then I saw you guys leaving together, and I thought to myself: there is no way he isn’t going to rip that dress off her later.”

“I really wanted him to. But nothing happened that night.”

“But then when did it happen? And how? And wait, how old is he anyway? Isn’t he like 15 years older than you?”

“Not that much. I mean, I don’t really know, but-”

“Yeah, it doesn’t matter. I’m just asking because, you know the difference in experience brings some very interesting topics to the table… like… tell me, was he any good? Goodness, that face says it all.” She leaned in closer, incredulity making her jaw hang slightly open, and curiosity, her eyes squint tightly.

“The commander’s performance was more than satisfying.” You said in a rather pretentious tone that matched the cheeky smile you were now wearing.

“thE cOmmAndEr’s pErFoRmAnCe wAs mOre thAn saTyiSfying.” Hitch threatened to throw your own pillow at you. “What the fuck does that even mean? I’ll need you to elaborate further, miss. I’m not going back home until you answer all my questions, and I have lots.”

“It means it was fucking perfect. He’s- He’s so-”

“Big?”

You nodded, teeth sinking into your bottom lip.

“It wouldn’t make sense any other way, would it? After all, it takes massive balls to lead a suicide squad. And it takes a rough, unforgiving, sturdy, aggressive, and unbelievably tough man to carry them.” She concluded, lips curving up in a complicit smirk.

“But he’s, you know, so gentle. And warm. And I- I just-” You realized you didn’t know how the sentence was supposed to end. It was all so hazy and misty inside your head, but in a dazzling way. The haze was silky, hypnotizing even, and the mist smelled good. So good. It smelled like-

“Shit…”

“No! Wait, what?” Hitch’s sudden, and rather random, intervention cut through the haze, dissipating it.

“Do you love him?” She asked, now leaning backwards as if trying to gain a new perspective, fingers stroking her chin as if trying to come to a conclusion. She reminded you of a critic trying to decide what to think about a painting.

“What? I-” You realized the dazzling haze was now turning into a confusing fog.

“You love him.” Hitch’s words lacked the intonation of a question and the vacillation of a suggestion. They sounded like a conclusion. A confident one.

“Wait wait wait wait- That’s a big word. Isn’t it… isn’t it a little too early to be throwing it out there?” When the question left your mouth, you realized it had been directed more at you than at Hitch.

“I don’t know, you tell me. I don’t have much to work with, woman. You have barely provided me with any information. I literally have no context at all, other than he has a massive dick, and, apparently, knows how to use it.” You snorted, mostly out of courtesy to your friend. It was the type of laugh brains automatically play for the sake of avoiding awkwardness, when they are busy processing something else. “I can only tell you what I think based on what I see now, in front of me, sparkling in your eyes, seeping through that huge ass smile you’re wearing.” She gestured with her hand and tried to mirror your expression, as if to make you understand what she was seeing. “What I see escaping through the gaps left by the words you are purposely omitting from your sentences. The parts that, for whatever reason, you are not telling me.” You made a pained expression, starting to feel slightly under fire. “And based on all the aforementioned, I think it’s safe to say my friend is deep into her boss’ shit. Just as deep as he has been burying himself into her all these nights.”

You rolled your eyes. “It has only happened once.”

“All the more telling! It means it only took one taste of his dick to fall in love with him.”

“I didn’t even do that. It was not like… that, you know. I told you he was very sweet.” One thing was to think about it, but to reminisce out loud about him and all the things he had made you feel that night, came with a whole different set of sensations. You were sure your stomach would burst anytime now, simultaneously freeing all the butterflies along with all your secrets. The ones you seemed to be keeping, even from yourself.

Hitch sighed and glanced at the ceiling for the hundredth time that afternoon. It looked as if the more you spoke, the more you proved her point. “Sweet, gentle, warm… Woman, in my experience, when you start talking about a man and his dick like that, you’re already far gone.”

“Am I?” You tried to read yourself, but in doing so, discovered that there was a reason our eyes could see virtually anything but our own face. Before this conversation, it was attraction. You had never questioned the label you had attached to the feelings you had for the commander. But now, now the question was poking at you, and there was something that made you feel uncomfortable and uneasy about changing such label. It was the kind of anxiety you imagined would be felt when walking close to the edge of something, so close to falling, not knowing how high the fall would be, or how long it would last.

You heard a sigh coming out of your mouth. “Hitch. I honestly don’t know. What am I even expecting? Doing? What’s going to happen now?”

“Hey, hey, hey.” She lowered her head so she could be eye level with you, because yours was now staring down at your own lap, admitting some sort of defeat. “It’s okay if you don’t know what you’re feeling. Heck, it’s okay if you love him, as well, there’s no fault in that. He’s not married. Loving him is not punishable by law. And it’s not a mistake either.” She placed a reassuring hand on your knee. “You can’t control any of that shit anyway. It all just happens. Inside, you know. And, as for what’s going to happen? You just keep riding him like a stallion, and sucking him like a good old popsicle.”

You snorted, either your friend’s words or her warm, supportive hand lightening some of the tightness trapped inside your chest. “I haven’t done any of that yet.”

“Oh, I bet you must be counting down the days to go back to work then, unlike the rest of us who are not having heated, toe-curling desk sex with our boss.”

That’s what you thought you would spend the winter holidays doing: happily reminiscing about such heated toe-curling sex until you were able to have it again. But you should have known better than expecting that from your busy, overthinking mind. As you lied in your childhood bed that night, hours after Hitch had left, you tried to think about the commander, and whether he had enjoyed the little present you had prepared for him.

“I left something for you downstairs. It’s sweet and tangy. Can you guess what it is? Make sure to eat it while it’s still fresh. Happy holidays, Commander.” You remember smiling as you placed the small piece of paper beside the game of chess that have been left unfinished the previous night. You remember smiling as you tiptoed out of his room, stealing one last glance at his sleeping figure, before picking up your clothes and closing the door behind you.

But those warm memories must have frozen under the snowy winter night you were staring into, because instead, you found yourself reminiscing about the conversation from earlier. Did you love him? You decided you didn’t want to answer that now. You didn’t want to think about that now. Instead, you wanted to think about him. So you tried again.

What was he doing now? Probably sitting at his desk, working under the candle light. Had he eaten dinner? Probably not. It was so in character for him to skip it, to completely forget about it. If it wasn’t for you bringing it to his office, he would starve. Hitch would say you were acting like his wife. And for a moment you smiled at the thought. For a moment, until you felt a sudden sting in your chest.

So the Commander had been in love before. In love with Commander Nile’s wife. Even though it had probably been years since then, and you had no right to feel uncomfortable about his ex-lovers, you couldn’t help whatever emotions were trapped inside you from uncomfortably poking at your chest, demanding to be let out.

You couldn’t help your chest from stinging at the thought of him letting his hand get held by someone else’s, and his mind get filled with someone else’s smile, and his bed infused with someone else’s scent, and his heart cherished by someone else’s… love. You turned to the other side, and buried your face in your pillow, as if the cotton fibers could provide the oxygen your lungs needed. Did he get close to love with her? If so, how close? Did he miss her? How close had they been? How intimate had they gotten? Did he recall moments he spent with her? Did he sometimes write about them in those journals? In the journals, were there entries dedicated to her, to his feelings for her? Did he sometimes wonder what could’ve been? How badly had he hurt when she chose his friend instead? Was he still hurting?

You hated to be this type of person. But you couldn’t help it. It was all you knew. You pulled the covers all the way up to your chin, feeling colder than the back side of the pillow your face was still buried into. You wanted to fall asleep, either that or to go back to a point in time where this information was unknown to you. But there was something in the air. Something bitter and sour. And it was finding its way inside your lungs. Filling every inch of your body.

Why did you feel as if you had lost a race? As if you had come in second in a competition, a very important one. You didn’t want to know about all the women who had passed through his life, you didn’t want to because thinking about them made you ask a certain question you wanted to avoid answering: Were you also just passing through?

-

next chapter

taglist: @elnyrae @angelaevangelion @depitaangeline @ynackerman9499 @afatalheat @pumpkin-toffee @velouria17 @gassytritis @goddessinsweats @nube55 @jeanboyjean @crazychaoticizzy

[kitimeq]

⊹₊⟡⋆ gravity hurts (you made it so sweet) 🤍 caleb 以昼.𖥔 ݁ ˖

⋆˙⟡pairing: caleb x nonmc! reader

⋆˙⟡word count: 17.3k (i wrote a book lol)

⋆˙⟡summary: the three of you have been the best of friends ever since you remembered, and although your love for Caleb wasn’t exactly the friendly kind, you were more than happy to have him close. But who would’ve thought that one night by yourselves would end this way? The warmth of acceptance and the sting of the heartbreak that came after, and among all of it—a lost boy desperate to make it right.

⋆˙⟡tags: 18+, mdni!!! NOT a love triangle!! mc is treated as a caleb’s sis in this one, the reader and mc and caleb are friends!! best of friends!! unrequited love!! but not really, angst, angst with happy ending, misunderstandings, or more like lies, love confessions obsessed caleb, kinda pathetic caleb, insecure caleb, he cries, we cry, everyone literally cries, first times, but the scene is quite short, they love each other so much, my babies, please read it.

⋆˙⟡writer’s note: my first ever commission for my wonderful stella 🥺 i hope you like it baby and i hope all of u will like it too, despite the length. i wanted to stretch it in time so that the reconciliation at the end wouldn’t be forced. i hope you’ll read it and like it, i loved writing for caleb 🤍

!!likes, reblogs and comments, pls comment, would be appreciated ♡ let me know what u think!

* 20+ unread messages from [ my miss hunter!<3 ]*

✉︎ baby what happened, where are you?

✉︎ you don’t pick up and even read my messages, i don’t know what’s happening, are you okay?

✉︎ caleb’s going totally ap(pl)eshit pun intended god i hope if you’re reading this you laughed at least. PLEASE write back or i’ll join him.

✉︎ he’s actually going insane, does he know something? he refuses to tell me anything, what happened between you guys? i was absent for literally one meeting, did you throw hands or something? he seems really unstable, like, much more than usual and he already had issues before, that’s for SURE.

✉︎ i’m so sorry for joking. i’m just really worried. it’s been a week. please respond to me, i don’t know what to do. i need to know you’re safe.

✉︎ what did he do? now i know that he’s at fault here, he’s acting insane.

✉︎ he’s not sleeping. i don’t think he’s eating either? he looks like a walking corpse and he’s still looking for you everywhere. i’m not sure who’s managing the fleet now but for sure not him.

✉︎ he’s not saying a single word. i know now that he must’ve done something, he’s not just worried, he’s fucking terrified and to be honest i am too. it’s been almost two weeks now, please answer me.

✉︎ i swear i won’t tell him anything. just please respond.

It was supposed to be a day like any other.

You, her, him—sitting together, eating your favorite food, maybe watching one of the movies MC somehow always managed to convince you to watch. Such nights always ended in the same way: with you sleeping next to her, right on Caleb’s bed. The gruesome scenes replayed behind your closed eyelids, your body nearly sprawled on top of your friend, your hand gripping hers—too tightly to just be affectionate. Caleb’s laugh echoed through his apartment, jokes and jabs aimed right at you, spoken in soft tones from his usual spot on the couch, where he always slept during your sleepovers.

And while you were pouting and trying to defend yourself from his absolutely false accusations of being a scaredy-cat, it was always his little sister who defended you like a lioness. Her clever comebacks always softened his teasing nature towards you. But it was all just a silly little game—the truth was you didn’t mind being teased, you knew Caleb long enough to realize that it was just the way in which he showed affection. It just so happened that MC showed hers by protecting you and attacking Caleb right back, every time his teasing seemed to be endless.

“Easy, pip, I’m just tryin’ to get her mind off of that spoooky imitation of a movie.” He answered between quiet laughs, and a quiet scoff left your mouth, quickly followed by a small smile. “Besides, if she really was scared, she would sleep here with me. She would be much, much safer, right?” His question followed by your name, and you immediately sprung upwards to sit on your legs.

“As if! You would probably maul me in your sleep before any monster would even get a chance to reach me.” You answered quickly, your body turning toward the salon where he slept, your eyes meeting MC’s, shining with mirth in the darkness. You heard an exaggerated gasp from him, and you imagined how he probably looked right now: gripping his shirt right on top of his chest in a gesture feigning hurt.

“You wound me. I would protect you with all I have, my Evol, my Fleet, my annoying little sister—”

“Jerk!”

“—From any harm the flying sharks would want to cause you.” You laughed quietly, and you felt the tension in your shoulders slowly dissolving. MC’s faux-offended expression, along with his soft voice were doing a great job at melting the irrational fear you felt in your chest after the movie.

A second passed; then two, maybe three, while your eyes were looking through the huge glass walls, following the clouds that were drifting languidly outside. A sigh left your lips, and your hand squeezed that of MC, who was laying beside your sitting body, her eyes already closed. And when their laughs died down entirely, their breaths slowly evening out, preparing for a good night’s sleep, that’s when you decided to add one more thing.

“Laugh at me all you want, but it’s your fault for living so high up in the clouds, where all the flying sharks in the world have us literally handed to them on a silver platter. But fine, I don’t care anymore, eat up you little motherfu—”

“Oh my god—”

His bubbly laugh echoed loudly, bouncing off of the walls, filling the rooms, breaking the tranquil atmosphere that had fallen not so long ago. His sister’s body shook with laughter right next to yours, wide smile now present on your lips. Your silly joke landed exactly how you wanted it to land—concealing the fear still nestled inside you, simmering delicately just beneath the surface of your smile. Which was, despite their assumptions, not only caused by the abominations presented in the movie.

The enormous clouds, surrounding you from everywhere—that was what truly bothered you. The vastness and uncertainty of the sky which stretched out before you, visible through the glass walls, its eerie silence making the little hairs on your nape stand straight.

Sleepovers at Caleb’s place, which had happened occasionally ever since he moved to Skyhaven to study—and continued even after he became a Farspace Colonel—were something you had already got used to and looked forward to. But the location of his apartment, the surroundings and their quietness, the strangely uneasy privacy and stillness, especially at night—that was what made you so scared every time you were here.

You never told them about your little fear; you didn’t want to cause problems, especially when they were both so happy whenever the three of you found enough time for a sleepover, and Caleb’s place was perfect for accommodating all of you. Besides, you had your best friend, a literal Hunter, close to you, and Caleb’s presence right behind you, just a wall away. Your mind knew that you were safe, it was just your body that was having second thoughts in a form of occasional shivers and quickened heartbeat.

That’s why it always striked you whenever he seemed to notice your concealed discomfort, which this time happened an hour after you said your good night’s. Mc’s breath was already calm and steady, yours far from it, unwanted thoughts and the feeling of uncertainty making you lose your precious hours of sleep.

You heard him first: his calm steps, quiet breath. You saw him second: his head peeking through the door frame, eyes wide open, not clouded with sleep, landing straight on yours. His body approached the bed frame, and he crouched slowly by your side, a small smile adorning his lips. And you felt him at last: his huge, warm hand searched for yours under the covers, and proceeded to hold it gently, his thumb caressing the back of your knuckles in a comforting gesture. You were familiar with such touches, both him and his sister were touchy-feely ever since you remember. So you reciprocated his smile, tiredness clutching to your lashes, yet mind still refusing to rest.

“Are you okay? I heard you tossin’ and turnin’.” He whispered, whether to avoid waking his sister up or to not disturb your precious moment, you weren’t sure. You met his beautiful, sparkling eyes, which always made your stomach twist with longing, and you already started to feel better. His gaze was so gentle, so earnest that your heart decided to switch the reason of its rapid beating from fear to a complete adoration.

You were laying on your side, a pillow warm underneath your cheek, and your hand squeezed his in an answer to his worry. You noticed that his hands were dry and rugged, but so pleasantly warm. And so were your cheeks, their color fortunately hidden from his watchful eyes behind the curtain of the darkness.

“Yeah, don’t worry. I’m just a little uneasy, that’s all.” Which wasn’t exactly a lie, but his eyes were giving you skeptical signals as if he knew exactly what you were hiding.

The truth that the sky and space scared you, when he was the one who was constantly covered by the clouds, was always embarrassing to admit out loud. And thankfully, he never pressed you to do it.

Instead, he hummed, his chin resting on the edge of the bed, his eyes landing on your clasped hands, thumb sliding through your fingers back and forth. You knew he had no idea, but that slight touch was enough to make you shiver, your heart filled with unspoken, overwhelming emotions towards the one who was supposed to just be your best friend.

“But you know you can always come to me, right? The couch is really cozy and maybe you would feel safer there, somehow. Aaand, I’m much bigger than her. More comfortable too, I’m sure.” Your lips turned up in a smile, and your eyes closed for a second, trying to focus on calming your heart down. When you finally opened them, he was looking right at you with an unreadable expression. His face seemed to get closer to yours too, most likely unknowingly.

From such proximity you could see the freckles that covered his face like small specks of cosmic dust, that you have always longed to trace with your fingers. His eyes were also a sight to behold, even in the darkness they shined so brightly, violet mixed with a hint of a sunset, always so full of wonder and awe, looking right back at you. He was so handsome, even covered only by the moonlight, when you always thought that a warm sunlight suit him best.

“We’re not kids anymore, Caleb. Sleeping in the same bed would be a little bit weird, don’t you think?” He scoffed under his breath, and you bit your lip, not wanting your true emotions to appear on your face. Desperate to not let him know how much you’d like to join him, to fall asleep resting in his embrace.

“I don’t.” His reply instant, a sure whisper, accompanied by a slight shift of his head. His hair looked so soft, the strands falling into his eyes, making you want to reach out and fix them. His faint freckles seemed to flicker, once again catching your attention, teasing you to give each one of them a small kiss. But you knew that you didn’t have the right to. “Besides, we’re friends. You know I would never touch you or anything. You’re safe with me.”

These exact words echoed through your mind months later, a memory fresh and vivid, the only one you could think of when your heart wanted to beat straight out of your chest.

I would never touch you.

You remembered him saying, on that day that was supposed to be like any other, yet MC cancelled on you at the last moment. You were already drinking boba next to the relaxed Caleb, leaving you two alone for the first time in what felt like forever. An emergency mission, was her excuse, and although you were upset that she couldn’t make it, the happiness of finally being able to spend some time with Caleb, whom you missed just as much, was enough to raise your mood back up.

I would never touch you.

That sentence swirled inside your head, hours after you both went out for a hotpot, sharing a meal filled with laughter, catching up on nothing and everything all at once. You always had fun together, the years of friendship formed thanks to MC made you comfortable with one another, the banter teasing but affectionate, the atmosphere warm and familiar. Later you went for a walk in the park, searching for squirrels, and sending MC pictures of every single one you managed to spot with a short caption ‘You’. After that, you also stopped at the arcade to play with claw machines for some time: you managed to win a small cat plushie for MC, while Caleb gave you a similar one he got for you when you weren’t looking. And then, after the sun had long since set, you went back to his place—in the same way you always did when meeting up in Skyhaven. But this time, you two were completely alone.

I would never touch you.

And yet, by heavens, you thought that after that night there wasn’t any place on your body he left untouched. Not when he was paying such a close attention to you, his hands wandering absolutely everywhere, accompanied by his shaken breaths and whispers full of worship and wonder.

You weren’t sure who kissed whom first, your mouths connecting unexpectedly, meeting right in the middle, the movie you put on a while ago still playing in the background. The flakes of popcorn scattered everywhere around you; the bowl had fallen from your hands, so desperate was he to pull you to himself the moment he dared to push his tongue past your lips—uncertainly at first—only to feel how quickly you accepted him.

You were almost dizzy with happiness of finally having him this close, touching at his hair, neck, shoulders, waist. He was holding you in his arms tightly, squeezing your waist, while you sat comfortably on his crossed legs, lips sealed to his. But suddenly, your head became heavy the moment the gravity of the situation pulled you down. You pushed him away, pressing your hands to his broad shoulders.

You parted with a gasp, your breath uneven, cheeks burning with embarrassment.

He didn’t look any better, if his equally red cheeks and tousled hair were any indicator. His slightly chapped lips chased after yours, eyes lidded and brows furrowed when he felt the loss of your warmth.

“C—Caleb, wait, stop, what on earth are we doing—” You tried to reason, your legs struggling to stand, your heart uncertain what it truly meant to him. A panic overtook you, your true feelings suddenly out in the open, composure lost in a moment of weakness. You remember meeting his eyes in the room lit only by his TV, his head already turned your way, closer than it ever was before. That’s all it took; the sudden closeness, his intense, lingering gaze and hand reaching your way, for you to start making rush decisions.

He didn’t let you escape. In one quick motion you were grabbed by your arms and pushed back into his chest. His hands softly squeezed the flesh, his head fell onto your shoulder listlessly. Dark hair brushed at your neck when you heard his shaky breaths, his body trembling under the touch of your fingers, which now rested on his torso. They were the only barrier keeping you from melting entirely into his embrace.

“No, please—please. Don’t go.” He choked out, his voice pained, his forehead nuzzling up to the juncture between your shoulder and neck. His lips touched your neck, and you gasped. “Don’t go. Don’t run away from me. Please.” A quiet plea, which made you close your eyes in an attempt to finally think; think of the reason it happened, think of the ways in which it would affect your friendship, think of what it truly meant for him.

Afraid that the answer would hurt you.

Your head suddenly felt too heavy for your body, mind spiraling with possible answers, when you heard his voice once again, loud and certain against your heated skin.

“I dreamed of this—Of you—” He nuzzled at your neck, sending a shiver throughout your whole body, your chest squeezing, the implication slowly uncovering into something crystal clear. “Of holding you. Touching you, like this—” His fingers started a gentle trial up your spine and you pressed your body closer to his on impulse. His left hand buried in your hair, softly touching your scalp, and he finally lifted his head to meet your gaze. He looked ruined; eyes glossy and eyebrows scrunched in an image resembling an anguish. His eyes were shifting between yours and your lips, which you were biting in uncertainty. “For so, so long, you have no idea how I—”

“Caleb—”

“Let me. Let me kiss you one more time, just once.” The last word a desperate whisper, his eyes stuck on your lips, his head getting closer and closer with every second, as though he psychically couldn’t help himself. He cupped your cheek and placed his thumb on your bottom lip, pulling it from the confines of your teeth, his touch feather-light. A quiet grunt left him and he met your eyes again, your hands going to grab him by the shoulders to gain more balance. You were getting dizzy, his proximity maddening, his touches and honeyed words overwhelming. “I was always scared to be alone with you like this, and this is the reason. I knew that the moment you let me, I will continue to take, take, take…” He closed his eyes, his forehead falling onto yours, your heavy breaths already mingling. The hand on your cheek started shaking, but a calloused thumb never stopped caressing your skin. “You can say ‘no’ to me. You can say ‘no’ alright? Just—please. Please say somethin’. Anything. You’re so quiet and it’s killin’ me here—”

“I—I want the same thing. Caleb, I—” You finally breathed out, your eyes half opened, lowered to look at his chest, where laid a necklace you and MC gave him quite a while ago, before his first trip to Skyhaven. That memory appeared behind your lashes, along with MC’s face, the image making you halt momentarily. “Oh God, but what about MC? Wouldn’t she be weirded out when we suddenly—” You flinched again, and this time he caught you instantly, his big hands reaching for yours, pressing them into his forehead like a prayer, then huffing out a low laugh.

“She knows. She figured me out ages ago.” You didn’t hide your surprise, your heart beating so quickly you thought it will beat straight out of your chest. “You don’t have to worry about anythin’, alright? If only you feel—You fell the way I do, then I—”

“Ages…?” The word stuck inside your head, the implications making your eyes sparkle. He lowered your hands to rest flat on his chest, and you felt it—the thump of his heart matching yours, a rapid, uneven beat that could only mean one thing.

“Ages.” He answered surely, his violet eyes glued entirely to yours, his hand covering your palms. And when he nudged your nose with his, silently asking for permission, you found that you didn’t have any reason to refuse him anymore.

Not when you wanted him just as passionately.

Your lips met his again in a kiss so intense it was nearly bruising, your hands going over his neck, your mouth swallowing down his sigh of contentment. His hands quickly found their way under your t-shirt; grabbing and holding, caressing and squeezing everywhere he could touch.

I would never touch you.

And yet he did. He did and continued throughout the whole night, his hands never leaving your body, his lips almost permanently sealed to your soft skin, the quiet laughs and whispers of reassurance filling the entire room, your body almost floating even without his Evol, lifted by the feelings of finally being accepted. Of loving and being loved in return.

“You’re perfect. Perfect for me. I have seen countless sunsets above the clouds, and you are far more beautiful than any of them. Absolutely—” He choked out, his slow thrusts making you see stars, his sculpted body covering yours completely, mindful not to crush you in the process. His movements slightly awkward at times, totally inexperienced but you didn’t mind—it was your first time too, after all.

You had boyfriends before, but the relationships never lasted long. He was the first one you managed to open up to. The first one you were able to trust fully, the only man you ever loved. So how could you ever think of doing it with someone else?

“—magnificent. I can’t believe I get to have you like this… I—Ah—I still think that I must be dreamin’, what if I wake up and you’ll disappear? That’s how it always was. A lucid dream, a cry for even a scrap of—of your attention, and now you’re—” Your hands were gripping his biceps, leaving half moons in the glistening skin. Soft sighs were escaping your lips, along with the tears streaming down your cheeks, whether from the intensity of your feelings or the tight way he fit inside you, you weren’t sure. You closed your eyes and let him press more kisses along your shoulder and neck, cheek and lips, the very same ones to which he continued to speak his praises. “And now you are beneath me, f-fuck—Utterly beautiful. The best thing that ever happen’ to me, I knew that I was doomed ever since I met you—” You moaned his name and he smiled, his lips landing on your wet eyelashes, kissing the tears that had yet to come out. His lips were softer now, entirely covered in your chapstick, tasting of sweet apples and something that you already recognized as undeniably him. There was a hand placed under your back, bringing you even closer to his body, his hips moving more steadily, mouth attacking your breasts, making you shiver in pleasure. His hands were going up and down the sides of your body, a gentle touch, meant to bring comfort.

“Caleb—please. Faster, I can’t, I need—” Your hands went to grab his hair, pulling at the strands, making him moan, his body shaking. He looked at you as with so much adoration you thought you were dreaming.

“Okay, okay—Mmm—I got you. I—I got you, darlin’, I always got you. But if it was up to me I would have you like this the whole night long.” He lifted you up in a way that you were now straddling his thighs and sat down, not stopping his thrusts, his hands resting on your waist. Every single indication of inexperience he made up in passion, desperation and enthusiasm, always putting your pleasure above everything else. You opened your mouth in another gasp, his hips rutting into you without stopping, his arms circled around your body, refusing to let you get away even for a second. Not that you ever wanted to leave the safety of his hold. “I got you, my sweet girl. And will never let you go, never. You’re so adorable, so clever, so so kind and precious, you are—”

“—Annoying and too clingy to be honest. When you get to know her better, that is. Sooo, going after her would be a total waste of time, then.”

A quiet gasp, torn out of you suddenly, violently.

Unexpectedly.

You froze, your heart stopping, along with your hand which was already raised to push open the door to Caleb’s room. His voice, even though muffled by the door, was still perfectly distinguishable to you, having heard it even in your dreams by now.

You only came back for your makeup bag, which you had hastily left at his place this morning, the night after your moment of closeness, having overslept for work. You only managed to kiss his adorable sleeping head goodbye, wear the clothes from the day before and run through his door, smile not coming off of your face the whole day long, despite the slight soreness in your limbs.

It was reminiscent of your night together; that’s why it didn’t bother you. The night that was supposed to change everything for the better, the night that your feelings turned out to be reciprocated.

Or so you thought.

You knew that he was having a boys’ night—he told you during your hangout the day before, how excited he was to finally reunite with some of his college friends, after Gideon managed to get a hold of everyone. But you still hoped to quickly collect your things, maybe steal a small kiss or two.

You just hoped to see him again, even for a moment.

A second, nothing more.

You only wanted to—

“And she’s kinda afraid of flying, sooo not exactly a good girlfriend material for a pilot, guys.” His laugh, although a little nervous, made the crack in your heart spread further. “If she weren’t my lil sister’s friend, I wouldn’t wanna pay her any mind—”

Crash.

Loud and echoing, pierced through the living room where you were standing, your hands shaking. One hand went straight to cover your mouth, which opened in utter disbelief.

At first you thought it was the sound of your heart breaking; exploding into millions and millions of pieces, from the way it squeezed painfully in your chest upon hearing the words undoubtedly coming out of his mouth. You nearly screamed in anguish, the scenes from the night before appearing in your mind, the wonderful things he said to you reverberating inside your ears, the ghost of his touch still lingering on your skin—his rugged hands so soft, so gentle, the touch loving, worshipping so why—

“Who’s there?” His uncharacteristically harsh voice reached your ears but you had no idea what was happening. You felt as if you were underwater, all sounds quieted down, your body moving in slow motion.

You looked at your feet and saw your makeup scattered before you, the actual source of the crashing sound, coming from the small bottles hitting his apartment floor. Your hands apparently too shaky, too numb to hold the makeup bag after hearing his words. A dagger to your heart would hurt less, you thought, your vision getting blurry, your legs taking a few steps backwards, the movement awkward, your body suddenly too heavy for you to move.

Why did you come back? Why were you here? Why did you need to hear such things coming from the same mouth that had whispered sweet nothings to your ear for hours on end, not even a day before?

You raised your head abruptly, tears staining your cheeks now, when you heard rapid footsteps coming from the other side of the door. The ones you would recognize absolutely everywhere.

You choked down a sob and bolted straight for the door, your shaky hands fumbling with the lock for a second—enough to give him time to process the situation at hand, to connect every single dot, to notice your makeup sprawled on the floor and maybe your pathetic little teardrops lying among it.

That’s what you were. That’s who you made yourself to be. A pathetic little fool, for kissing him, opening up to him, giving so much to him in such a short amount of time when in reality all he thought of you was—

“No. No. Oh, no, no, no, no, fuck, fuck, please, wait, no!” You heard him shouting your name the moment you opened the door and bolted for the elevator. You did not bother closing the door, he already knew that you were there just a second before. He already realized what you heard, even though the true meaning of his words still felt like a fever dream, a nightmare that was unfolding right before you, painful and so, so, unbearably cruel you feared you will pass out the moment your eyes met his face.

You needed to get out of there. You needed to go outside, to breathe, to find the air he stolen from you so suddenly.

Fortunately, the elevator was waiting for you, a spec of light in the darkness of the situation, and you jumped right in, your hand frantically pressing the close button over and over again, even faster now that you heard him running down the hallway to reach you.

Ironically, this time, the luck was on your side.

His shadow was the only thing you could see before the door closed, cutting him off completely. The echoing thump of his fists hitting the surface of it made you flinch.

“No! Fuck! No, no, please!”

Your name reached your ears, desperate, panicked.

But you were already on your way down, tears falling freely, your hands squeezing at your collar, at the material covering your chest, at anything you could reach just to lessen the pain of your heart breaking. Your knees shaky, threatened to give out but you were holding onto the knowledge that he was still following you, and you absolutely couldn’t let him catch you. That’s why, you refused to let yourself break before you were sure that you were somewhere safe.

And it paid off. You miraculously managed to ascape from him, that day.

And many, many days after that.

* 50+ messages from [ ur caleb!<3 ] *

✉︎ please, let me explain myself. I can only imagine what youve heard and I need you to listen to me, please.

✉︎ what I said wasn’t true. everything youve heard was a big fucking lie and I need to tell that to your face, you have to believe me.

✉︎ please don’t do this to me, I know that I deserve it but you have to hear me out, please.

✉︎ answer me.

✉︎ I beg you, give me anything. I need to know youre safe. I can’t locate your phone is it turned off? I don’t know if youre safe. please.

✉︎ its torture. its my fault I need to see you and tell you everything just let me see you. let me find you.

✉︎ I need to find you.

✉︎ I miss you.

✉︎ I need you, don’t leave me in this loneliness any longer, I will do anything. anything to earn your forgiveness, even if i have to work my whole life for it I will, even if you say that you don’t ever want to see me anymore I will stay out of your sight, I just need to tell you the truth, I need to see you and tell you what I really feel, not that awful lie youve heard me saying I wish I could turn back time and scrape these disgusting words out of my mouth.

✉︎ I will do anything for you. I will do anything for only a second of seeing you, I will fulfill your every wish, every desire and unspoken craving just for a second of your time, for a chance to say that I’m sorry.

✉︎ It ruins me, the thought that you may still think that what you heard me saying was true, you are not reading my messages and you probably still think that I meant it. I’m going insane, I’m losing my mind, I need you. I need to see you.

✉︎ I searched for you everywhere and I still haven’t found you, but I won’t stop, I will never stop searching for you even if it kills me, even if you will be the last thing I see, I will find you.

✉︎ baby, please. sweetheart. my treasure. please let me explain myself. where are you? where haven’t I searched yet? how did you manage to escape me?

✉︎ you know me too well, that’s how. you knew where I will be looking for you and you took advantage of that, my smart girl.

✉︎ but this one time, I wish you made a mistake. even a small one, a millisecond long. because I’m waiting and I’m ready to find you. and I will find you. you know me and how stubborn I am. I will never stop looking, you have to come back at some point. and i will get to you before that. I promise. wait for me.

Three weeks have passed since you last saw Caleb—the memory of his betrayal still fresh, and the wounds he inflicted on your heart with his cruel words still open and bleeding.

But the tears were no longer staining your cheeks, and a mere thought of him didn’t make you panic anymore. At least, not when you knew that he wouldn’t be able to find you here.

After you left his apartment that day, you knew that he would search for you, taking into account his desperation to catch you when you were running away. Yet you couldn’t bear to look him in the face, not after what happened between you, and how humiliated he made you feel.

You thought that he felt the same, that maybe he loved you, but it seemed that he was just playing with your feelings. That you must’ve been an easy target. And you just couldn’t believe it, no matter how frequently you repeated the things he said in your mind, both to you during the night and the to his friends during the day. You knew him ever since you were children, his presence constant in your life, even if you were not seeing each other that often after he relocated to Skyhaven. He was always there for you, and for MC, no matter what happened, his care and friendship something you got used to long time ago.

If she weren’t my lil sister’s friend, I wouldn’t wanna pay her any mind.

Was your friendship always only a huge lie? Were you unknowingly only a burden, a nuisance that he had to put up with, because of your friendship with his sister?

And that night, when he was holding you so gently, treating you with such kindness and devotion, whispering the things you dreamed about hearing from him for so long, was it also something he did just because you were easy to manipulate? The easiest choice, a familiar body to satisfy his needs with?

And God, did he know about your true feelings before all of it went down?

You shook your head, trying to stop another train of thoughts, fighting with yourself not to break down in tears again. You came here not only to temporarily run away from him, you also wanted to take your time and relax, to calm the storm brewing inside your head, to survive that heartbreak and breakdown on your own terms, without anyone’s nagging or judgmental stares. Without others telling you what you were supposed to feel.

You fixed your sunhat, the slight wind making your hair gently caress your face, and you went down from the ladder, a basket full of fresh cherries hanging from your arm. You sighed, the fresh air and the smell of fruit filling your nose trills, reminding you that you were far, far away from Skyhaven and Linkon, the places that held too many painful memories.

Here, you were safe, because no one knew about your little, peaceful gateway, which was long ago introduced to you by one of your distant cousins. It was a peaceful little plot of land, belonging to one of your family members, a place they visited occasionally, usually in the summertime. And now, that small house in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by the trees of fruit, fields of flowers and tranquil atmosphere were exactly what you needed to get back on your feet.

You took a sick leave from work for a whole month, and you were planning to use that time to soften your dark thoughts and harden your skin before the gravity of the situation and its consequences met you upon your return to Linkon. Before you would have to inevitably face Caleb—the one you were trying to avoid at all costs.

“Here you are, auntie.” You approached her crouched figure, her hands paused in their strawberry picking, and she looked up at you with gratitude in her eyes.

“Thank you sweetie, you helped me so much.” She answered and stood up, taking off her gloves and stuffing them into the pocket of her baggy jeans, covered in strawberry juice and grass. A huge smile lit up her face, and you couldn’t help but return one just as bright, shaking your head.

“Oh, please, that’s the least I can do. I should be the one thanking you for letting me stay here.” You fixed your hat once again and went up to a bucket filled with rainwater, so that you could wash the cherries from your skin. “I haven’t known such peace in a long time, really. The air is so refreshing, the scenery so beautiful, and I’m visiting the orchard everyday. I probably ate half of your crops by now, like some kind of a pest.”

“Oh, stop it!” She playfully swatted your butt with a rug, and you giggled, snatching it from her to use it to dry your hands. “You’re always welcome here, you know that. Besides, you are a huge help with harvesting fruit each week. I always bring my boy with me, but as you can see, he’s nowhere in sight.” You laughed and picked up the basket with cherries again, as well as the one she was holding before. You peaked inside it and noticed that it was filled with strawberries and raspberries, a perfect amount for a snack. You opened your mouth and let her place one small strawberry inside it, the sweet juice filling your mouth, making you momentarily forget about your worries.

Everything here was just so peaceful and easy.

“It’s that age. He’s more interested in exploring than in sitting around and picking fruit. I was a chaotic kid, too.” You answered and she sighed, your walk to her truck much shorter than you wanted it to be. You placed the baskets inside the vehicle and saw the boy’s hair from where he sat in the passenger seat. You ruffled his hair, and he appeared startled, his hand immediately reaching up to fix it, a blush spreading to the tips of his ears.

“Chaotic and addicted to gaming, that’s what he really is.” She answered as you stepped back from the truck to hug her goodbye. She offered you a ride back to the house but you decided to stay in the orchard. The sun was still far from setting, and you wanted to read under the tress and snack on the fruits for a while longer.

You also remembered to thank her for delivering your letter to MC last week, in which you told her that you were safe, and apologized for not reaching out to her sooner, explaining that you will be back after some time alone. You decided to restrain from mentioning that you had to turn off your phone the moment you escaped from Caleb’s apartment, knowing damn well that if you didn’t, he would be able to track your location without any issue. You knew him and his little tricks like the back of your hand, or at least, that’s what you thought before everything that happened recently.

You were already waving goodbye to them, when it happened.

The boy opened the car door and handed you something, his small hands quick and secretive. Your eyes opened wide, and your smile faltered instantly, recognizing the weight.

“Sorry for taking it, mom never lets me take mine and I get so bored here… But I charged it for you!” He said your name and looked at you apologetically, his round eyes shining excitedly. You gulped, your mouth opening slightly, struggling to find your voice. “You can delete the game now. Oh, and you got a loooot of messages, are you, like, famous?” He asked in a hushed tone, then flinched when the aunt called out to him. He hugged your waist tightly, clearly thankful for your unintentional lending of possession, and went back to the truck, his small hand waving at you through the window until they disappeared from sight, turning onto the main road.

Leaving you by yourself, speechless, your hands full of something you avoided like fire throughout your stay here. The only thing that could betray your location.

A phone.

The one you intentionally turned off and left on the bedside cabinet inside the house.

Your phone.

A device that was Caleb’s only way of tracking you, now lit up after weeks of lying unused, for the purpose of your escape.

“No way, no, no, no, no.” You mumbled, your shaking hands going straight to turn it off, the device turning black again, your panicked gaze staring back at you from its small screen. You closed your eyes and hugged the phone to your chest, praying that it hadn’t been turned long enough for him to track you. For him to notice. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Not now, please. Not yet.”

You weren’t ready to face him yet. You didn’t know if you ever would, but you definitely weren’t ready right this instant, your heartbreak still fresh, your heart too weak to feel this much again.

You looked around slowly, taking in the the sight of the orchard and the endless expanse of the field, calm, steady and sunny, just the way it was during the weeks you’d been here. A gentle wind carried the strands of your hair behind you, the sunhat protecting your head from the light of day. You put the phone slowly inside the pocket of your shorts and began the long path back to the house, your plans of a leisure reading session long forgotten.

It was completely quiet, almost too quiet, but there was no one in sight. You had no idea if he had managed to track your location, or if he was even still looking for you. Maybe he decided to let go, you comforted yourself, even if you knew him well enough to realize how stubborn he could be. You just hoped that maybe if he truly didn’t care for you, he would leave you alone.

The wind intensified, and so did your steps. The house still not yet visible, the long way back made you anxious. You wanted to be inside already, lock yourself up, just in case he really waited for your slip up.

You huffed a small, nervous laugh under your breath the moment you felt the wind biting into the exposed skin of your arms, the temperature dropping, making goosebumps appear on your skin. You bit into your bottom lip and quickened your pace, your heartbeat already pulsing inside your ears, your mind trying to convince you that it was just a coincidence.

But when the wind blew away your hat, you didn’t turn back to fetch it.

Instead, your stride broke into a full-blown run, your legs moving in a panicked frenzy, your hair flying behind you freely. Your lungs and eyes already burned the moment the aircraft appeared in your peripheral vision, its shape and size so unmistakably matching those from the Farspace Fleet that you wanted to laugh at your brain for still hoping is wasn’t.

You heard it now—the deafening roar of it descending onto the field not far from you—and you cursed under your already ragged breath, knowing he must’ve already seen you. There was no one else in sight, after all.

You hadn’t stopped running. The house was twenty minutes away on foot, and if you were fast enough, you could make it before he caught up with you. The plane had already landed, and you didn’t have the courage to look back to see if—

“Hey! Wait!” The shout of your name pierced the wind in your ears, and a weak groan escaped you. He was close, too close if you were able to hear him, his voice bringing back all the memories from that day. Of comforting closeness, then cruel confession said so surely behind your back.

Every single muscle ached, but you didn’t stop running, you couldn’t stop running. The house was already there, peeking from behind the trees, and if only you could reach it in time, you would just lock the doors and regain your false sense of freedom for a while longer.

“Stop runnin’ away from me! Please!”

“Stop—Stop chasing me!” You screamed, the emotions built up inside of you finally having their outlet. “Leave me alone, I don’t—I don’t want to see you, I—I don’t—”

“Just talk to me! Let me explain—” He was getting closer, and your body was growing weaker, your legs moving seemingly only by the sheer force of your will.

“I don’t want to talk to you!” A sob almost escaped your lips, the knowledge and fear that he was this close to you again making panic squeeze at your chest. You were not ready to see him yet, not ready to look at that irritatingly handsome face of his, and hear him lying without batting an eye.

“Baby, please—” Closer. He was so close, just a couple of steps and he wouldn’t have to shout through the wind anymore, but you didn’t stop, couldn’t stop.

“Oh, fuck you!” You shouted right back, tears already forming in your eyes, your legs burning with extortion. How dare he call you this way, as if there was something between you, as if he cared about what happened, about the kiss, your first night, you. “Don’t call me that, don’t chase me like some kind of an animal—Ah!”

Your run stopped abruptly, your chest heaving as you desperately tried to catch your breath. Sweat stuck to your forehead and neck, your limbs tensed, grasping for something, anything, to keep your body from floating up in the air.

Naturally, you failed. His Evol too powerful, holding you gently up in the air, your body too weak to fight back against the invisible force, so you did the only thing you could do at that moment.

You took off your shoe and threw it at him, groaning pathetically when you heard it landing in the grass.

“Let—me—go!” You shouted, your breath heavy after the run, body refusing to calm down. You kept your head turned away from him, unable to look even at his shadow. The knowledge he was this close to you was enough to fill your eyes with tears.

You heard his footsteps close now, his breath heavy. You closed your eyes, tears instead of falling down your cheeks, drifted away from you, the temporary lack of gravity around you taking them away.

First your heart, then your sorrow—what else could he steal away?

You didn’t see how he stood below you, only few steps away, still wearing his Fleet uniform, looking up at your struggling frame with awe and relief. His hand reached out to catch your teardrop with his hand, the sign of your pain staining his fingers now. He brought it to his lips slowly, itching for any part of you, his brows furrowing with anguish.

“I can’t. I let you escape from me once and I won’t make the same mistake again.” His breath was already calming down as he crouched to pick up your shoe, not expecting the other one flying his way, catching it with his Evol right before it hit his head. He scoffed, his laugh sad and full of disbelief, as he let it fall right in front of his face.

“You coming here was a mistake.” He grit his teeth as he heard your poisonous words, spoken in a teary tone. He looked up at you again and his breath hitched. Your drifting body was surrounded by your teardrops, swirling around you and reminding him just how much pain he caused you by his own selfishness. “Me believing in your sugary words was a mistake. Me kissing you was a mistake, God, our whole night together was a—”

“Don’t.” His harsh voice cut through the air, silencing you at once. “Finish that sentence. I don’t wanna hear it.”

“Why? You said you wanted to talk so let’s talk.” With your back still turned to him, your hands swatting at your flying teardrops, his audacity to use his Evol on you making you see red. “Let’s talk about how you tricked me. How you made me believe that we were friends, that I could count on you—”

“Please—”

“That I maybe, maybe meant something more to you. Because it turned out that you were feeding me lies for years—”

“That’s not…”

“You—You made me believe you liked me, and then you… You took advantage of—”

“Quiet!” He nearly growled, his harsh voice echoing in your ears, the tone unfamiliar, instantly making you flinch. The Evol with which he held you up faltered, shaking your body, making a quiet squeal come out of your mouth. For a second there, you thought that he will let you fall right into the ground, but the impact never came.

You finally looked at him, scared and stunned by his outburst. He stood there, eyes clouded and distant, arms hanging loosely at his sides— one hand gripping his hat—both of them shaking equally.

And just when you thought you had imagined his expression darkening, you noticed the clouds shifting faster, the sky growing darker.

A thunder stroke in the distance, forcing the hair on your nape stand straight.

“T-That’s how you think you’ll solve this? By force? By scaring me?” Your voice wavered, your fear slipping right through your confident facade. “I—I don’t take orders from you, Colonel. You will not intimidate me into anything. I don’t—I don’t—” More tears floated around you, your vision blurred, fear mixing with the feeling of helplessness.

He whipped his head, finally grasping the reality upon hearing how you addressed him. And when your eyes finally met, both equally red-rimmed, tired and pleading, he felt as if something in him broke.

Because while he was pleading for a chance to be redeemed, you, on the other hand, for him to stay out of your sight.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have raised my voice. Please, don’t be scared, I’m—” Another plea, another apology, another way for him to mess with your mind, you thought. And you were scared, tired and hurt, lacking the energy for that conversation. Not knowing how to go about this, not being sure if there was anything that he could say that would fix this.

You were too shaken to listen—let alone react logically. Too unprepared to see his familiar face again so soon, to hear the voice that once offered you refuge for years, but now hurt you more deeply than you ever thought it could. Even the touch of his Evol—once used to help you, to ease your burdens, to cheer you up with his silly little teasing—was now a weapon. A way to trap you. To make you feel small. Helpless beneath the weight of his power.

It was not going well at all, both of you clearly too emotional, incapable of having a normal conversation. You weren’t prepared, but you noticed that he wasn’t either, his mental state unsteady, mind locked on one thing and one thing only—to catch you and never let you out of his sight again.

It was no way of resolving anything. And you really didn’t want to get hurt even more—not by his words, nor by the things you wanted to scream at him, rage tangled with fear, creating a poisonous mix that placed the most hurtful of things at the tip of your tongue.

You didn’t want to use them. Saying them out loud to him would break your heart in the process too.

“Let me go. Please. I’m not ready yet, I—” You closed your eyes, and the first drops of rain fell onto your warm skin. “I don’t want to talk. I can’t talk. Just—let me be. We will have to have this conversation at some point. And I know that. B—But for now just. Please, Caleb.” Your eyes full of tears met his, and he opened his mouth just to close it again, the sight of them rendering him speechless. The pleading, hurt look in them seemed to get him out of the trace. “Let me go.”

His breath hitched when you didn’t break eye contact. There was pain in your eyes, but also unwavering resolve. You kept looking at him with those radiant, exquisite eyes of yours, and that’s when he knew: he had lost this battle.

He slowly lowered you down, holding back tears when you refused to accept his hand to steady yourself. Then he bit his lip, his hands shaking, clenching into fists while he was forced to watch you run from him again, battling his desire to chase after you.

You said that you will have to talk at some point, and he believed you. He took your words and cling to them like a lifeline, a reason for him not to lose his hope. He would be patient, he could be patient, he had already waited for you for so long, he didn’t mind waiting some more. At least now he knew you were safe. Now he could protect you.

And he knew that the war to win you back had only just begun.

The heavy rain spattered against the windows, its sound echoing through the house, easing your shaken nerves and slowly lulling you to sleep.

A lightning struck in the distance, brightening the whole room. You rose quietly, waiting for the sound of thunder. Eyes closed, breathing evened out after what felt like eternity.

More raindrops hit your window, pushed violently by the wind as you stood, wrapping yourself in your huge, knitted cardigan, sinking your cold, shaking fingers into the thick, soft material.

He came here, for you.

A fact that you couldn’t shake for hours now, the weather outside an embodiment of what was happening inside your head. He came for you, the moment he managed to get your location, desperate, oh so desperate to talk, to explain, to repent, and you were left absolutely torn.

Because in your mind, you had already started seeing him as the bad guy, that thought a constant companion through these long weeks, your main coping mechanism. And now? He came here, looking anguished and miserable, his face thin and eyes red—a picture of a man in despair—and he was ready to drop everything just for a second of your time.

Which you didn’t give him. And that’s what kept you awake.

Your hand reached for the light switch but in vain. The storm that had lasted for hours must’ve cut the power some time ago, and you accepted it quickly. Your eyes had long since adjusted to the darkness, and you didn’t want to give any sign that you were awake either. You didn’t want to give Caleb false hope, knowing his aircraft still stood on the empty field, exactly where he had landed it hours ago.

You knew he wasn’t asleep either, not if he was as apologetic as he seemed to be. You should’ve listened to him, maybe. And if he hadn’t scared you so much, if he hadn’t used his Evol or raised his voice, maybe you wouldn’t have been so afraid, so defensive. Despite everything he said that fateful night, a large part of you was still curious about what he wanted to say and how he intended to explain himself.

Your deep infatuation with him, your huge soft spot for his expressive puppy eyes, his gentle, playful voice and soft dark hair, were his real weapon. You saw him, looking so devastated and your first thought was to comfort him, despite everything he had done. And you hated yourself for it, hated how much power he held over you unknowingly.

Because was there anything to explain, really? The things he said sounded pretty self-explanatory, and even the simple recollection of them made your heart squeeze painfully.

You knew you’d have to have this conversation sooner or later. He was your best friend’s brother, he used to be your best friend and you had to return to Linkon soon. He would find you then, and the conversation would have to happen either way. So wouldn’t it be easier to just get it over with now and try, slowly, to move on? If moving on from that kind of heartbreak was something you were even capable of.

That was what scared you most about all of this. Caleb had been your friend—the man you loved more fiercely than life itself—and it had taken everything in you just to get out of bed after what you heard from him that day. And now? He had shattered your precious, tranquil solitude so suddenly, and even though you knew that you were supposed to hate him—you should hate him, because that was the easiest way, the only way to survive the heartbreak and reclaim the part of your soul he’d so cruelly taken when he betrayed your trust—You also knew, the moment you saw him running after you like his life depended on it, that what you felt deep inside wasn’t even close to hate.

It was relief.

That he searched for you, after all. A longing, for him to somehow fix this, to tell you that it wasn’t him who said these things despite the fact that it was indisputable, because you would recognize his voice everywhere, even from thousands of miles away you once thought, because of how his timbre made you feel inside. When you saw him, dressed in that stupid, stupid Colonel uniform you felt nothing but love. Love, excruciating love for someone who did not deserve it.

You were stupid, so stupid for being like this, so stupid for still thinking so fondly over the man who lied to you for years, who created a false safe space for you to drown in, who slept with you, even though he thought you were not enough for a wonderful pilot like him.

A sudden crash came from the window downstairs, making you jump in place.

You quickly ran down the stairs, your fingers brushing the wooden railing, your footsteps blending with the sound of falling rain. A cold breeze seeped through the widow, now flung wide open. The wind must have been strong enough to burst it open, and as you rushed to close it, something outside flashed in the corner of your eye.

And your heart almost stopped at the sight.

Your head turned, leaning from the window, the cool droplets hitting your skin harshly, reminding you that you were still awake, and that your eyes didn’t deceive you.

Caleb was sitting right there, on the porch, leaning against the wooden beams, his head hung low, arms crossed on his chest.

And he was soaked to the bone.

Rain dripped from his hat onto his crossed arms, his posture nearly curled in on itself. His body trembled every few seconds from the cold, and the moment you realized he must’ve been standing there ever since you left him—hours ago, just before the storm rolled in—you felt the blood rush into your head.

You left him, but he stayed right there, sitting, waiting patiently for you to come out, not knowing when it will happen. He let you go, but he never left.

“Caleb!” A sudden shout tore from your throat, laced with dread and disbelief, your hands instead of closing the window, reached for one of the blankets lying nearby. “God, Caleb, you—” The front door bursted open and you reached him in no time, falling onto your knees before him, taking off his hat and throwing it to the side in an attempt to wake him.

He wasn’t asleep. Startled, his head shot up the moment he saw you, alarmed by your sudden appearance. His eyes immediately fell to your bare legs, your sleeping shorts far too thin and short to stand against such weather, and he reached for you in a rush of panic.

“What are you—go back inside, you’re goin’ to be sick!” He said alarmed and you scoffed in answer, taking notice of his wet uniform, clinging uncomfortably to his glistening skin. His hair was completely soaked too, streams of rain tracing paths down his temples and nose, the sight making you furious.

“You—absolute—hypocrite!” You barked back, your hands tugging at his wet arms in an attempt to make him stand. You threw the blanket over his head first, his hand grabbing at the material, and then you began pushing him into the house. “I had no idea you—Why did you—?!” He raised quickly, letting you push him past the doorway, and you already felt the cold biting at your skin, the seconds spend outside enough to make you wet.

And he was sitting there for hours.

“I—” He started, but you didn’t let him finish, his posture slightly slumped under the weight of the drenched uniform.

“You—you have a literal plane nearby, why didn’t you hide in there? It’s been raining for hours.” Words escaped you faster than you were able to form them in your head, your hands already working to remove his soaked clothes hastily. He fell completely silent, letting you ease your frustration, his eyes glued to your face. “I thought you were safe in there, I thought you already left, I—I thought—” The heavy material hit the floor with a loud thud, your shaking hands trying to take off the shirt he had underneath, horrified by how cold his skin was underneath your palms.

You bit your lip and sniffed, tears already streaming down your face, whether from the cold piercing at your skin, the thought of him sitting for so long, freezing outside, or from his closeness, which you were deprived of for these weeks, you weren’t able to tell.

You grunted quietly, your fingers slipping from one of the buttons of his shirt, shaking too violently to take it all off. Suddenly, through your blurred vision, you saw his hands reaching for you. You felt their warmth the moment he covered yours, pressing them against his chest. His heart pounded so violently you could feel its rhythm through the wet fabric, sending a shiver down your spine.

A broken sob escaped you, the weight of reality pressing you down hard. His hands stroked your trembling arms, trying to soothe you; but it wasn’t working. The stings or remorse cut through you one by one, haunted by the image of him sitting there, drenched, and cold, and shaking—

“I didn’t want you to—to—I had no idea you were there this whole time, I thought you left t—to sit in your—” Another sob came out stifled, because he brought you in for a hug; his hard, wet chest strangely warm and comforting. You didn’t return the embrace, but stayed there, sobbing quietly, letting him drape the blanket over you both, the material somehow still dry enough to bring comfort.

“Shh… Easy. Don’t cry, okay? It was my decision to stay there.” His soft voice reached you, and another sob came out, this time right into the shirt still clinging to his chest. “I had to stay there. I couldn’t leave you again. I didn’t want to leave you. I’m sorry.” He leaned down and rested his chin hesitantly on top of your head, bringing you even closer to himself. He released a long, heavy sigh, followed by a whisper of your name and another apology.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered right next to your ear, and you trembled in his strong arms.

“I’m sorry.” His hold tightening, and you hated how good it felt to have him this close again.

“I’m sorry.” His words no longer held just one meaning, and you shook your head as best you could, restrained by his tight embrace. Yet you stayed, your eyes closing, heart heavy with the knowledge that you were too weak to run away from him anymore.

The sound of the rain intensified, a thunderstorm still raging outside, and you both stayed close, Caleb cradling you to his chest, swaying gently side to side, almost lulling you to sleep. You took a deep breath, the scent of rain and him washing over you, and realized that you were ready to at least hear him out.

After you both calmed down your breaths and beating hearts, and after your bodies started warming up again, that is.

Because how can someone so warm have bad intentions? The feelings inside you were messing with your head again, and you let them, hoping you won’t regret making that decision.

Wishing, that this love won’t bring you to ruin.

The kettle began to whistle the exact moment he stepped out of the bathroom, candlelight casting his shadow across the room. Every movement danced on the walls, creating the illusion of him surrounding you from all sides. Ironic, because that’s exactly how you felt ever since you let him back in. Your body cautious not to relax in his presence, caged by the unfamiliar weight of broken trust.

You bit your lip and began pouring hot water over the tea, waiting for the pleasant scent to reach you, hoping that it will calm your racing heart—if only for a second. Its rapid beating didn’t slow down since you brought him in here willingly—the very man you’d successfully avoided for a whole month, dreading your next encounter, having no idea how you should act upon seeing him again.

And now there he was—standing behind you nervously, thinking so loudly you were almost able to hear it. Yet you stayed silent, believing that you had every right to. The awkwardness in the air wasn’t your fault, after all.

Letting him inside, not being able to stand the thought of him sitting out there in the storm—that was your doing. And you hated yourself for how easily you let your guard down, and for failing to hide the pathetic trace of love you still carried for him, even after he hurt you so deeply.

Your first encounter several hours ago didn’t exactly end in the way you wanted it to: him using his Evol on you and you breaking down in tears could hardly be considered a peaceful reunion. You were both not ready to talk yet, too shaken by being in each other’s presence after all this time. You, stubborn in your hatred. He, desperate and unraveling at the thought of loosing you again. An explosive combination, a disaster waiting to happen.

So you ran, as fast as you could from him.

And now, because you couldn’t stay indifferent to his discomfort, you had nowhere to hide.

“The clothes fit. They’re even a bit loose.” Caleb’s light tone finally broke the silence, though the slight tremble in his voice betrayed his stress. He was as nervous as you were. “Phew, I’m lucky your uncle isn’t here today, he would totally take me in a fight. To him I would probably look like… a walkin’… A walking stick.” Voice grew quieter with every word he spoke, and once he noticed he was rambling, he clamped his mouth shut, cussing internally.

He had always made a fool of himself when you were near, ever since the day he met you, all those years ago. Even just the sight of your turned back, the knowledge you were listening, made his head heavy with the need to impress you, and now, to make things right. He was terrified that at any moment you might lock yourself away in one of the rooms, somewhere he couldn’t reach you again—and he had no idea how he’d handle it if that happened.

Suddenly, you turned to him, your eyes glued to the mugs of tea you were holding. You placed them carefully on the table in front of you—the only piece of furniture that provided a bit of a distance you so desperately craved to have. From the corner of your eye you noticed he wasn’t exaggerating—the black sweatpants and a white shirt seemed to be a bit loose, and you realized that his homely appearance actually made you feel a bit more at ease. Now, without his Colonel uniform to hide behind, he seemed more approachable, if not more lost.

The air of authority vanished the moment his wet suit hit the floor, leaving only an uncertain man in its wake, one who knew he’d been walking on thin ice the moment you let him into your space again.

And you just couldn’t bring yourself to make him feel more welcome—the words he said still ringing in your ears, despite the time you spend to forget about them entirely.

“Thanks for letting me stay here. And for the clothes.” He was still standing in the same spot and you still refused to meet his eyes. Your hands grabbed one of the mugs and you started blowing air to cool your tea down, thankful for that little distraction, for something warm to hold when your heart was freezing cold. “And I wasn’t sitting there to make you pity me. If you were wondering. I wasn’t tryin’ to manipulate you into anything, I just—”

“I know.” Your voice rusty from the uncontrollable sobbing from before, hands gripping the mug harder. The light from the candles was too low for you to see your reflection on the surface of the drink. Maybe it was for the best, you must’ve looked like a trembling mess, eyes puffy and lips bitten red, still shaken by the storm of emotions that had torn through you during the day. “That, I know.”

You slowly sat on the nearest stool while he processed the meaning behind your words, still standing motionless few steps before you. You took a sip—and the warmth of the drink did nothing to soothe your nerves.

So, you waited. For something. Anything. Feeling his intense gaze on your frame, almost drilling a hole in your head, a silent prayer for you to look back at him.

You couldn’t, and that broke him all over again.

“You run away from me.” His voice trembled and your hands grabbed the mug tighter, the rain outside intensifying—or maybe you just became aware of its sound again. “I’ve searched for you everywhere. Every day. And I was loosing my mind every minute I couldn’t see you.”

“Did you?” You couldn’t help the venom spilling out of you, the tone mocking if it wasn’t so weak. “Why? Because of guilt? Pity? Out of obligation for—”

“Guilt? Pity? Is that what you think?” He took a step forward, and you didn’t move, head held high, still not meeting his eyes. “Everything I did for you, everything I ever said to you was out of—Shit—” His hands ruffled his hair, tugging at the strands. A pause, heavy, followed by a thunder, and then—“Out of love!” The last word nearly a growl, ripped out of him suddenly, as if holding it inside brought him pain.

You froze.

A thunder roared in the distance.

And the tears filled your vision once more.

You stood abruptly, putting down the cup on the table with a loud thud, its contents spilling out, nearly burning your head. His voice calm and sure now, so sure it almost made you choke.

“Out of overwhelming love, that I have felt for you for as long as I can remember—”

“Stop.” You choked out, your head dizzy, hands shaking in fury. What was he saying? What was he even—

“—Out of desperation to make things right, because I couldn’t bear the thought of you sitting somewhere alone, and hurting because of me, the things I said, the things I fuckin’ despise myself for—” He heard you, so he spoke much quicker, words spilling one after the other, hurting you more than you could imagine. He was getting closer to you, and you flinched, one leg already taking a step back.

He wasn’t serious, he couldn’t be. If he were, he wouldn’t have said those things, especially not after he got to have you. It wasn’t what you were prepared to hear, he was surely just messing with—

“Caleb, please.” Not more than a whisper, a calm before the storm, your head shaking, legs feeling weak.

“I lied. I lied that day and you need to believe me. I lied because I was a coward, and I didn’t know what to do, I panicked and I lied, because I love you, and they—”

“No, please, stop, I—I can’t listen to this, it was a bad idea, I—” With tears in your eyes you turned away and passed Caleb quickly, wanting to go back upstairs and hide: hide from his lies, from the hurt of his sudden confession, and from the way his voice sounded, so anguished and outright mad.

He didn’t love you, he couldn’t love you, because if he did he would’ve told you that night, when he held you so close and whispered broken praises into your ear. He would’ve said it then, not now, when you’d already made up your mind to cut him off, to forget the warmth of his body and the cold sting of the words you overheard.

You expected an apology, not a confession, which made and your whole facade crumble with his every word.

“No! Please—” He grabbed your hand, his touch frantic and secure, the contact and the memories it reignited made you gasp. And before you could realize what was happening, he fell down on his knees in front of you, his hands grabbing your arms, the hold strong but gentle, meant to slow you down, rather than cage.

You looked at the bare skin of his back, sticking out of the shirt, speckled with faint freckles, and noticed he looked thinner than you last saw him. Then your eyes landed on his dark hair, falling into his face freely, strands damp after the shower, but still looking so unbelievably soft.

“Please, I’m not lying, I’m—You have to believe me. You have to—Fuck—”

You eyes met and the time seemed to slow down.

Because you saw his beautiful, violet orbs, that always made you feel as if you were looking at the eight wonder of the world, flooded with tears for the very first time in your life.

His lips were trembling and you noticed how chapped they were, his teeth biting into them to stop himself from sobbing. You could hear the humming of your heart in your ears, your whole body shocked to stillness.

He looked absolutely torn.

And you couldn’t look away; your eyes traced the path of the first tear that slipped out of his eye, down to his chin, landing in front of your bare feet.

Like an offering. A statement. The last prayer of a man who lost hope.

“I’m not—I’m not lying to you. You have to believe me, please, please.” Tears. One after the other, tracing paths on his flushed cheeks, eyes burning with sincerity, lashes wet and shiny.

You nodded slowly, a lump forming in your throat, eyes filling with tears upon the sight, but you were trying so hard to keep them at bay.

And after a sniffle, he continued, warm hands stroking your shaking arms, eyes glued to yours like a lifeline.

“I lied that day. Everything I said was a fucking lie, okay? A big, pathetic lie to save my skin, to buy me more time. I said the first things that came into my mind—”

“But I heard you, Caleb.” You cut him off, your brows furrowing, unable to contain your confusion. “I heard you. If you really didn’t mean it how could you sound so sure? You said these things without even a single thought, and you expect me to—”

“I didn’t have to think! I just twisted—I think I just twisted the truth—”

“Wow. T—That’s low Caleb. That’s really, really low—” And when you started to back out from his hold he grabbed you harder, his arms going to circle around your waist, his face pushing into your stomach. You gasped and before you managed to push him away, his next words made you stop.

“No! Wait, shit, that’s not what I meant. Don’t go.” A sob escaped his lips and you took a deep breath, your hand almost reaching to caress his head. You’ve never seen him so broken and the need to comfort him was overwhelming. The sight of his tears excruciating. “I said you were clingy and you are—” Another sharp tug, but he refused to let you go. “You are. You are clingy and that’s okay, that perfectly fine, that’s perfect. And I love that about you. Every time you were holding my sister’s hand, I wished, God—How I wished you would hold mine instead. I wished, I prayed you would cling to me instead. Just as much as I wanted to cling to you.” He raised his head and you saw that he was telling the truth in the way his eyes gleamed, and his cheeks burned red, body trembling against yours.

And you felt your legs nearly bucking under your weight, his words making your head spin, not knowing whether you should stay offended or let him take your breath away once more.

“But—but what about me being annoying? You said—”

“You loved to push my buttons ever since we were kids, you are trying to annoy me all the time, just how I try to annoy you back. But for me, every jab, every joke, it was always to catch your attention. A pitiful attempt for you to just look at me, even for a fleeting second. And it worked—MC always called us annoying because of it, remember? That’s why it came to me so quickly. That’s the only reason I said it so surely.”

He was talking so fast he nearly lost his breath, his chest heaving against you, arms still holding you close to his chest. You took a deep breath and wanted to think, to have a second to process it, the burn in your cheeks intensifying, his words actually starting to make sense, because of your usual dynamic.

But it wasn’t all. It wasn’t what hurt you the most.

“You told them about my fear.” Caleb’s huge, red-rimmed eyes never left yours, and you fought with yourself not to fix the strands of hair that were slightly blocking his vision. His lips formed a straight line and turned slightly downwards, making him look like a kicked puppy. And you felt your anger slowly slipping, hope filling the hole in your heart. “And you listed it as my fault. You took my biggest fear and embarrassed me for it, made me feel like I wasn’t enough. I didn’t even—I didn’t even know you noticed how scared I was when—”

“I did. I notice everything about you. Of course I noticed.” His strong hands hugged you tighter, and a single tear slipped out of your eye. He was still kneeling before you, showing no signs of raising. “Just how I noticed that it didn’t keep you from visiting me at my place, even though the stillness of the clouds terrified you to the point of loosing sleep. But it’s okay. It doesn’t change a single thing for me. I only dreamed of showin’ you the view from the clouds, I hoped that I would take you up there with me one day, to show you that it doesn’t have to be scary. That it’s actually beautiful, and freeing, and calm up there. Cause I would protect you, always. And if you didn’t change your mind it would be fine—It would always be fine. I would just share with you the stories ‘bout the things I saw. And I would be the happiest to do it.” His shaking hands reached to touch your face and wiped the tears from your cheeks, ones that you had no idea you even shed. “I never thought about it as your flaw. Never. For me, you are nothing but a wonder.”

His touch was feather-light and comforting, his hands warm and so painstakingly familiar, bringing you back to the night that changed everything. How he held you back then, as if you were something fragile, something precious.

A wonder.

A sob tore through your body and he shook his head, hushing you quietly, his hands taking a hold of yours, bringing them to his lips, pressing a kiss to every single one of your knuckles.

“Then, why? Why did you list it as one? I just—I just don’t understand why, Caleb.” You cried out, one of your hands leaving his to cover your face from him. The past month of running away flashed before your eyes, making you even more tired. And although you wanted nothing more than to believe him and let yourself be held, he still didn’t give you the reason for saying such things. “Why did you even say that? If you lied, why did you do that? Why, Caleb, why did I have to hear—?”

You were crying again, and Caleb looked at you from his knees in panic, his hands caressing your arms, spine straightening so that his head could rest against your chest. The way he hugged you so tenderly made you want to hug him back, your head fighting with your heart. Yet he still didn’t give you all the answers, no matter how better the situation seemed now. You still had doubts about believing him at all.

There was a beat, or two, and he let out a deep sigh, hands gripping you tighter.

You sniffled, the word around going completely quiet, just to be disturbed by his quiet groan.

“I’m even—I’m even embarrassed to say.” He stood up slowly, and you gulped, his size all-consuming, making him be the only thing you could see. You took a careful step back, and he took one of your hands in his hesitantly. From this position he was too stressed to hug you, opting for less intense contact, especially when your hand was still limp in his, not reciprocating the hold. He scratched at his neck, his eyes meeting yours, an anticipation visible on your features. “And I know that won’t make the situation better.”

“Caleb—”

“Yes. Yes, I know—They—” A squeeze of your hand, the orange spark in his eyes shining beautifully, making your breath hitch. His hand went up to gently touch your face, fingers tracing patterns along your cheek. “They started talkin’ bout girls that day. The boys, my friends from college.” His brows furrowed, eyes looking at your face as if searching for something there. You listened patiently, his earlier words still ringing inside your head, the gravity of them almost crushing you. “Asked me if I knew someone they could go out with. I said ‘no’. They didn’t believe me, though.” His eyes narrowed, chin went down slightly in annoyance while recollecting the conversation. “They started teasing me about MC first. Asking if I would like to have a brother, too. But then one of them mentioned you.” His eyes darkened, the hand on your cheek stopped its caress. “Said he liked you. And that he already had your number. He was pretty confident, said something ‘bout you two having a connection. He said he talked with you that one time you and MC were visitin’ me in my dorm, and I—I started sweating right then and there.”

Your frown deepened but you already knew where this was going. You closed your eyes and swore under your breath, one hand covered your mouth in shock. You couldn’t even remember the guy.

“And—And we just slept together that night, and I finally got to hold you, caress you, kiss you—I was on cloud nine. Wasn’t thinking clearly. And I wanted to tell him about us, that you were mine, but I realized that we haven’t talked about it. And you weren’t there when I woke up—”

“Caleb, I overslept for work, I had to leave quickly—”

“I’m so, so sorry, but I wasn’t sure. I haven’t confessed to you either, I was just too—too overwhelmed, I felt too much, I thought too much and I realized that I couldn’t tell them you’re mine because you weren’t. Not yet.” You bit your lip and looked at him in disbelief, his face getting closer. He put a strand of your hair behind your ear, and his jaw tightened. “And when he asked me what I thought ’bout you I couldn’t tell him the truth. If he knew what I felt he wouldn’t let you go. They wouldn’t let you go, it would only make them want you more.”

You felt your hands shaking, your mouth opening and closing, not knowing what to say. His hands were still holding yours, feeling the tremble, caressing them with his thumbs in an attempt to bring you comfort.

“But you knew that what happened between us wasn’t a one time thing. You knew how I felt about you, and if you felt the same why didn’t you just—”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d pick me, if you had a different choice. And at that moment, I wanted to make sure you would. That they wouldn’t take you away from me. And that they would never want to again.” His hands cupped your cheeks, and you felt how rough and warm they were, your hands immediately going to hold at his wrists. He closed his eyes for a moment and you couldn’t believe what he was saying.

It was all a misunderstanding. And all of this happened because he was jealous? He hurt you so much just because he didn’t want others to reach out to you?

“So you had to say all these things about me? And that was supposed to be a better alternative than lying about us being together? Caleb, it really doesn’t sound—” You pushed his arms away, legs taking you further away from him, craving some space to think things through, but he followed suit, hands already reaching for you again.

“I panicked. I’m so, so, so sorry, I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know where we stood, and I had no idea if that would make a difference for them. I had to say something to discourage them. So I did.” His hands went to tug at his hair and now he was the one who took a step back, breathing louder, obviously distressed. “And I hated myself for it. It felt so wrong the moment it came out of my mouth and I wasn’t even sure if they even believed me. And then I heard you. Fuck, when I heard you—”

A loud crash, making every single doubtful look from the boys leave Caleb’s face. Grateful for a distraction, his head heavy, heart burning with the weight of his lies. But when he opened the door and noticed your makeup scattered across the floor, his heart sank to his stomach. A wave of terror froze his body for a short while, until he heard you fumbling with the front door.

He didn’t even think about using his Evol, your beautiful frame running away from him enough to make him panic, the things he said hanging above his head, the knowledge that you had heard them becoming his worst nightmare.

And later, when he returned to his empty apartment after hours spend searching for you, calling you in hope you’d pick up, even by accident—he finally broke down. He screamed, throwing his phone against the wall, making it shatter. His Evol spiraled out of control, shifting the furniture, crashing the plates, the entire place left looking as if it had been broken into.

He lost you on the day he finally got to have you. And ever since that day, he hadn’t known peace, until your phone lit up again, a single red dot glowing on his device, revealing your location.

He left the Fleet right then and there in the middle of the meeting, everything else forgotten. Every duty postponed, every shout of his name ignored.

There wasn’t anything more important than you.

And now you were standing before him, as beautiful as the day he lost you, with tears in your eyes and your heart no longer open for him to take solace in. The eyes which used to look at him with mirth and affection—now uncertain, scared of him hurting you again.

And he felt that he was at his limit—one more second away from you and he thought he’ll burst into flames, the intensity of his feelings will turn him to ashes.

So, he begged.

“I’m so sorry. Please. Believe me. Take me back. Give me one more chance. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I swear I will never to it again, as long as I live.” You flinched when he fell onto his knees again, your arms trying to catch him before his knees hit the floor, but it was useless, his body too heavy for you to hold.

“Caleb! Caleb, stop doing that—” You grabbed his arm in an attempt to pick him up, but he was too strong, his bicep not even tightening. Goosebumps appeared on his skin under your palms and his head fell onto your arm pathetically.

And you just couldn’t look at him when he acted this way, your anger dissipating, the situation although still not ideal—him lying, then saying such things behind your back, whether he meant them or not, wasn’t something you could forgive him after one conversation.

Yet you couldn’t bear to look at him like that—on his knees, begging for forgiveness, crying and shaking, words slipping uncontrollably from his lips. In all the years you’d known him, this was the most vulnerable you had ever seen him—and the sight made your eyes sting. The image of the man you loved—once an unshakable, controlled pillar of strength—reduced to a broken mess before you.

You now knew why he did it. And that he didn’t mean it, not in the way you thought he did.

And you understood the jealousy, the anger, and the selfishness, because you had times you felt such way about him too. The image of him with another making you nauseous, the possibility of him loving someone else like a dagger cutting through your chest.

You took a deep breath, and glanced at him again. His shaking back, hands clinging to your body in an attempt to keep you close.

And you had made your decision.

“Oh, Caleb…”

To believe him.

“Caleb, please stand up!”

To build your relationship back up again, no matter how long i’ll take. And you just hoped you were making the right one.

“N—No, you have to understand. Please. I love you. I’m sorry. And I’ll do anything to earn your forgiveness, no matter how long it takes.” He breathed into your arm, his face snuggling into it, his head slowly rising, eyes meeting yours.

And you gasped at the anguish displayed all over his pretty eyes, two eternal sunsets clouded with misery.

“I love you. So much. I am in love with you, and I’ll do anything to prove it, I’ll spend my whole life trying to make it up to you. You want me to give you more space? I’ll do that. I will try to do that. You want me to leave the Fleet? Just say a word. I will. I will follow you to the end of space and time. You like it here? I can build you the exact same house with my own hands, brick after brick, and it would be the most beautiful, peaceful of places, you own private sanctuary. I will—”

Your knees hit the floor, joining him and you grabbed his wet cheeks in your hands, yanking his head down to meet your lips, effectively shutting him up.

And he melted.

Putty in your hands, leaning into your touch instantly, his chapped lips warm against yours, his soft sigh vibrating between your mouths. And when you broke the kiss and met his sparkling eyes, round with surprise and hope, you send him a small smile, holding back the tears that threatened to fall.

You wouldn’t let them. Not anymore. Not when for the first time in weeks you finally believed that you will be okay.

It was all a huge misunderstanding. A big mistake, fueled by insecurities, secrets kept for far too long, his desperation to keep you near, no matter the means. When he spoke so rapidly, afraid you’ll leave him again, you realized that wanting to keep you to himself might have been one of the few times in his life he had ever done something purely for himself—even if his methods were far from right.

You could see now, that behind his thick skin, and the air of countless of responsibilities, he was still just a boy that had to grow up too quickly. For MC. For you. For all of you to live as comfortably as you could, the burden of all your issues and failures always spoken to him, knowing that he will be able to help and find a solution for all of them.

And yet, he never confessed when something bothered him, his feelings and desires always bottled up inside, kept hidden and threatened to spill when it got too much for him to handle.

And that one time, when faced with the threat of someone taking you away from him, the threat of loosing you, the one he loved, he acted on instinct. He chose the option that wasn’t fair, and certainly wasn’t healthy, but he truly believed it could work to keep you beside him for a while longer.

He wasn’t used to being selfish, so he had no idea how to start, and how to do it right.

He looked down at you through half-closed eyes, taking you in and memorizing your small smile—one he felt he hadn’t seen in ages. Then he dove in for another kiss, his arms wrapping around your frame, pulling you tightly to his chest. He couldn’t believe that you kissed him, his brows furrowing, wanting to make this moment last forever.

And you reciprocated every single one of his hasty kisses, your head finally freed from the questions that dragged you down.

You will work this out. You will fix this, together. And you will make sure he’ll know how you feel, so that he could finally realize that he doesn’t have to fight dirty battles just to keep you close. Because you would never want anyone else who wasn’t him.

“Caleb-mmmh. Caleb, oh God, wait.” He reluctantly let your lips go, your lungs filling with a deep breath, and you hugged him around his waist, feeling the fast beating of his heart under your ear. He placed his shaking hand on your head, stroking your hair, placing a chaste kiss on the crown of your head.

“Sorry, can’t stop. Come back here, you kissed me first.” And he took your cheeks in his palms and dived in, wanting to capture your lips in his again, but you blocked his mouth with your hand, making him frown.

You giggled softly, eyes still teary, making his eyes sparkle—mesmerized by the happiness finally breaking through the walls you’d build around yourself over the past month. He kissed your fingers once, twice, his arms resting at your waist as he lost himself in the warmth of your body, and the pleasant fragrance of your skin.

He felt as though he had returned to where he truly belonged. He had finally come home.

You opened your mouth, your cheeks flushed and eyes sincere, and nothing could prepare him for what you said next, your tone soft, slightly unsure, a melody only for him to hear.

“I believe you, Caleb. But you hurt me that day so badly, I thought I would never get over that heartbreak. I thought I lost you, my best friend, the only boy I ever cared so deeply for. I thought you really hated me all this time. And I couldn’t face it, couldn’t even think about it, that’s why I fled.” He nodded quickly, eyes holding so much hurt and regret. You slid one of your hands into his hair, stroking the soft strands gently. And thats when you both sat down on the warm floor, bodies relaxing, hearts slowing down. “But it’s okay. I understand you now. And I’m sorry too, for not letting you explain yourself sooner. I was just so focused on trying to hate you to somehow cope with what I’ve heard—”

“Stop, it’s my fault, don’t—”

“I shouldn’t have run away. I should’ve faced you, even if I was scared of what I’ll learn. But it will take some time for me to forget about it, okay? It really—It really messed me up. The thought you put up with me only because it was convenient.” You bit your lip and he groaned softly, his head lowering, a symphony of apologies falling from his lips once again. You hushed him gently, taking his cheeks in your hands and wiping away the wet trails of his tears. He sniffed quietly, making your heart squeeze. “But it will be okay. Because I believe you. So you don’t have to be scared anymore, I won’t run away again.” His body shook as he kept nodding, biting at his lips, trying so hard not to interrupt you. You leaned over him again, the movement slow, and you looked deep into his eyes, silently asking for permission. Once his eyelashes fluttered, eyes looking at your lips expectantly, you placed a soft kiss on his swollen ones, red from his constant biting, still salty from the tears he shed. “And you have to promise to be honest with me. No more tricks. No more lies.”

“I promise.” Your name escaped his lips like a prayer. “I promise. I will never hurt you again, I swear. I promise. I love you more than you could ever realize.”

He groaned into another kiss, a quiet “mmm” followed by the touch of his hands on your cheeks. He brought you to himself closer, one kiss turning into three, four, five and still counting, yet all of them gentle and reassuring, meant to anchor, not escalate. One of his hands landed on your hip and tugged, touch meaningful—he wanted for you to sit in his lap, and although you were still shaken, you craved the closeness as much as he did.

You climbed onto his lap, your thighs bracketing his hips as he deepened the kiss, his tongue teasing at your lower lip.

You let him in, slowly, unhurriedly, your ears catching the sound of the falling rain, the storm coming back with the same intensity as before—but this time, it didn’t feel like a bad omen anymore.

You parted with a quiet pop, Caleb’s head instinctively following yours, unwilling to let the distance linger. His large hands caressed your arms and thighs, his expression love-drunk, looking as if he couldn’t believe you were really here with him again.

His eyes met with yours and you swiped the pads of your fingers below his under eyes, tracing the faint freckles.

A whistle of the wind, a spatter of rain against the window, the sound of your beating hearts, and then—

“I love you too, Caleb.” His breath hitched, hands clenching on the material on your shirt, eyes big and shining with disbelief. “I love you. So much. You’re the only boy I’ve ever loved.” His eyes closed and he rested his forehead against yours, the tips of your noses touching in a gesture so gentle your eyes stung.

“Again. Repeat that for me.” He whispered in awe, and you obeyed, another confession spoken into the night. One of the candles burned out, marking the end of a chapter, and, hopefully, the end of your separation. “Hmm, again.” He probed and you did, watching as a soft smile spread on his lips, his thumbs swiping circles into the exposed skin of your thighs. “Wanna hear it again.” Caleb’s voice unbearably soft, his touches even more so, and you put your hands on both sides of his neck, putting more distance between you. “And again. And again. I never want you to stop saying it.”

He opened his eyes and studied your face, eyes closing when you pressed a lingering kiss on one of his eyelids, his breath shaky, hands warm against your skin.

“I love you. Have been for so long I lost count ages ago.” His lips formed a line, happiness squeezing at his chest, and he nodded once, eyes opening slowly to bore into yours and don’t stray.

“Ages?” He repeated, partly mimicking your words from weeks ago, but still visibly shaken, chest filling with the warm ache of being accepted. Of loving, and being loved in return.

He cursed himself internally, eyes nearly filling with tears, dread rising in his chest at the thought that he had almost lost you, because of his selfishness and insecurities.

You kissed his lips again and he almost sobbed right into yours, his head falling onto your shoulder, kissing the soft skin, feeling the way in which it warmed up under the contact. He hugged you to his chest, kissing your neck, wanting to be even closer, to get under your skin, to merge with you for evermore and never let go.

“Ages.” Your answer sure and final, your arms returning his embrace, hands tracing patterns into the skin of his strong back. His necklace rested right next to your heart, where it should always be.

You began to hum a lullaby,letting your soft voice replace the harsh sounds of the rain and thunder. The melody drifted through the house, seeping into the walls, and into Caleb’s memory.

And when he whispered more confessions, his lips marking your skin with them, you exhaled a long, steady sigh, marking the end of this cruel storm.

And later, as you fell asleep in a tight embrace, listening to each other’s heartbeats and imagining the life ahead of you, neither of you noticed the objects gently floating around the room—silent signs of Caleb’s excitement. The heavy stone of guilt had finally lifted from his chest. He had won you back, and he wasn’t going to let you get hurt again—not by him, not by anyone else. He swore to protect you, and he would keep that promise for as long as he lived.

And if the sound of plant pots shattering, books tumbling, and your things scattering around woke you up from your slumber hours later, his puppy eyes, a kiss to your cheek and a promise of a breakfast in bed was enough to make you melt. You could always clean it up later.

This time, together.

*bonus!*

3 years later

* 15+ unread messages from [ my miss hunter!<3 ]*

✉︎ hii babey, why is caleb being so weird today??? he literally called me earlier, asked me to freaking pray for him and hung up on me that menace.

✉︎ did u like fight or smth? u never fight what did he do this time

✉︎ the last time he acted so weird was when he ate his bday cake day early cause he didn’t realize what it was for, remember that? what do u see in him i cant quite understand we’re like, losers trapped in hot bodies istg

✉︎ wait he just send me a pic

✉︎ OH MY GODDDSSG???? BABY CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! THIS SECRETIVE LITTLE SHInzsn

✉︎ you look so happy in that picture!! im literally bawling, the ring’s so pretty and you both look gorgeous. im so so so happy for you (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)♡ ♡ ♡ i love you guys sm please INVITE ME TO THE WEDDING IN CASE CALEB FORGETS TO TELL HIS SIS SOMETHING THIS IMPORTANT AGAIN

✉︎ im so happy for you, can’t stop looking at ur lil happy faces. U both deserve the world. NEXT UP!! picking a wedding dress!!!!! Im already on it, you’ll look like a PRINCESS!!! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ gorgeous little b caleb’s a lucky maaaaan

✉︎ call me when you’re done with kissing!! or u know, other stuff. u guys can be pretty gross.

✉︎ i love you. both. can’t wait for the wedding!!!!!! AHH!!!

thank u for reading!! 🤍 if u managed to that one’s LONG. I hope it was worth ur time 🥺

if u want to support me, u can do it here!!: https://ko-fi.com/kitimeq

every like, comment and reblog would mean the world to me 🤍

[springtyme]

Clark protecting reader and there little baby girl🥺 could be anything!! <3

𝐒𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐞 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 ♡

Clark Kent x reader || Main Masterlist || Clark playlist

Thanks for the request, dear. Girl dad Clark is everything!! 💕 I wanted to make it more of an action scene, but turns out I'm not very good at writing those, so i made it more of the aftermath of it instead.

summary: After the explosion, Clark brings you and your daughter back to his parent's farm to catch your breath. The house is quiet now, but inside, fear and guilt still echo louder than any blast.

word count: 1.6k

The night is quiet, but Clark isn’t. 

He paces. His steps are slow but heavy, each one creaking faintly against the old wood, back and forth across the floor of his childhood bedroom, which now serves as a provisional nursery. 

His parents had kept the room untouched since he left for college, and almost all of the things from when he was a baby had been safely stored in the attic, which, tonight, proved to come in handy. They had been so ecstatic when they found out they were going to be grandparents. 

Almost as ecstatic as Clark had been. But with the excitement also came fear, and after today that fear felt more justified than ever.

Moonlight is spilling through the sheer curtains, casting soft silver patterns over the crib where your daughter sleeps, her tiny hand curled beside her cheek, undisturbed.

You watch him from the doorway, wrapped in one of Martha’s old bathrobes. It smells like laundry detergent and lavender, and it feels like home. Your skin is warm and moist from the shower you just finished. But your chest is tight. 

“Clark,” you whisper, careful not to wake the baby, “you’re going to wear a groove into the floor.”

He stops mid-step and turns to you. The soft blue glow of his eyes catches in the moonlight, sharper than usual. There’s something behind them. worry, fear, love, all tangled together like frayed rope.

“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice low. 

You both stand in the quiet for a moment. The sound of your little girl’s hushed breathing seems almost sacred in its stillness. Then, as if you both feel the same pull towards each other, you cross the room. Clark opens his arms and you walk straight into them, letting him wrap you in his embrace. His arms are warm and strong, anchoring you you amid the storm of feelings swirling inside you. 

The memory of the day’s events still linger in your body. Your muscles ache with it. That kind of ache that isn’t from exertion, but from fear. You can still feel the ghost of it in your limbs, the adrenaline in your blood, even though it’s over, it all replays in your head whenever you close your eyes. The sudden explosion, the chaos in the crowd, the blur of Clark catching you, shielding you both, and flying faster than sound to get you and your daughter out.

You hadn’t even realized you were crying until the wind dried the tears right off your cheeks mid-air. Now you’re here. Hidden away in Smallville, safe at the Kent farm while the Justice gang handles whatever threat decided today was the day to send a message.

Clark’s chest rises and falls against you in slow, measured breaths. He’s trying to be calm for you. You know that. You also know he’s anything but.

“I should’ve gotten there sooner,” he says softly, the words rumbling from deep in his chest.

You bury your face against the curve of his chest. “You got there in time.”

“Barely.”

“But you did.”

He exhales, and the sound is tight, like he’s been holding it in for hours. Maybe he has.

You lift your head to look at him. Even in the low light, you can see how hard this has hit him. His jaw is clenched. His brow furrows like he’s trying to hold the whole world together with sheer will.

“She’s okay,” you say gently. “We’re okay. That’s what matters.”

His arms tighten around you, almost like he’s afraid you might disappear if he lets go. “You should never have been in danger in the first place.”

Your throat tightens. He’s not just talking to you. He’s talking to himself. Blaming himself, like he always does when something happens, like the weight of the world really is on his shoulders. 

“You can’t think like that,” you whisper.   

You feel Clark breathe deeply above you, his chin tucked gently over your head, and for the first time all night, he allows himself to be still. His voice is close, his chest rumbling quietly against your ear as he speaks.

“Still… I should’ve seen it coming.”

“Clark…” You remove your head from his chest to look up at him, reaching your hand up to cradle his jaw. “You didn’t put us in danger. Okay? But you did protect us.” You let your fingers drift through the short curls at the nape of his neck. “I know you want to be everywhere at once. I know you wish you could stop everything before it happens. But tha’ts not possible, Clark. And you’re not responsible for the whole world by yourself.” 

His eyes close at your words like they’re medicine. You feel his hands settle on your waist, his grip no longer tense, just steady. Grounding.

“She didn’t even cry,” he says after a beat, nodding toward the crib. “Not once. Not even when I flew you both out of there.”

You glance over at your daughter, the smallest thing in the whole room, but somehow also the most powerful. She’s the reason your heart hands still tremble. The reason both of you are here, breathing, and clinging, and trying.

“She felt you holding her,” you whisper. “She knew she was safe.”

Clark lets out a soft breath, almost a laugh, but it catches in his throat. “She’s braver than me.” 

You smile, tired but full of something tender. “No, Clark. She’s brave because of you.”

He doesn’t answer right away, but you can see the words settle into him, sinking past the doubt and guilt. You know how hard it is for him to let go of the responsibility he carries, not just for you and your daughter, but for everyone. It’s part of who he is. You fell in love with that part too, long before you even knew he was Superman. 

His thumb strokes softly over your waist, rhythmic, absent-minded. His gaze drifts again to the crib. “I keep thinking,” he says quietly, “what if she’d been older? What if she’d have to remember this and carry that kind of fear with her?”

You follow his gaze, letting the quiet linger between you for a moment before speaking. “Then she would’ve remembered what it feels like to be carried out of danger in her father’s arms.”

Clark swallows hard, his jaw flexing again, but his grip on you doesn’t tighten this time. He just holds you, steady and silent, like he’s trying to believe you. “And how are you feeling now?” he looks down at you again. His eyes search yours, concern etched deep into every line of his face. 

“I’m okay,” you reply softly. 

His brow furrows again, just slightly, like he’s not sure whether to believe you. You see the flicker of doubt in his eyes, but you also see the way he wants to believe you. You let your hand linger against his jaw a moment longer before trailing it down to rest on his chest, over his heart. He nods slowly, as if trying to absorb your reassurance.

For a moment, neither of you speak. The house creaks faintly in the summer night air, the way old houses do. Clark leans in, pressing his forehead lightly to yours. His voice is quieter than before when he finally speaks, almost a murmur. “When I saw that explosion go off—when I realized where it was—every second after that felt like it was being pulled apart. All I could think about was the two of you… I’ve never been so scared in my life.”

Your hand tightens against his shirt. “I know.” You press a kiss to the hollow of his throat, and feel him exhale again, softer this time.

His arms wrap around you again, slower now, no longer frantic with guilt or fear—just full of that deep, aching love you know so well. Behind you, your daughter shifts in her sleep with a tiny sigh.

Clark turns his head, brushing a kiss into your hair. “You should get some sleep,” he murmurs.

“So should you,”you say, though you know he won’t get any sleep tonight.

He hums a quiet sound of agreement, but doesn’t move, doesn’t let go. For a long time, you just stand there together. 

Eventually, you shift in his arms, just enough to nudge him gently toward the bed. “Come lie down with us,” you whisper. “Just for a little while.”

He hesitates only a second, then nods, letting you guide him. He pulls the covers back and settles in beside you, his body curling instinctively around yours in the narrow bed as you both look toward the crib. 

The mattress dips slightly as he shifts, settling his arm around you, hand resting over your stomach, fingers splayed as if to hold the whole world in place. Your body’s curve together naturally, the way they always have, like muscle memory. 

From the crib comes a soft sound, and Clark’s arm tightens instinctively. You feel him smile against your shoulder, faint but real, and when you turn your head to look at him, his gaze is locked on her.

“She’s so small,” he murmurs.

You nod. “Yeah, she is.” You brush your thumb gently over his hand where it rests against you, then he presses a kiss to your shoulder, quiet and grateful. Outside, the wind moves gently through the fields. Inside, the house is still. 

You feel the steady rhythm of his breathing behind you, warm and close. And little by little, with your daughter safe beside you and Clark’s arms around you, sleep finally comes.

[littlelamy]

a/n: the beginning is loosely based of S4 with rafe and sofia! I’m kinda obsessed with rafe being needy behind close doors 🥵I hope you guys enjoy!

you couldn’t stop replaying his words over and over again in your head. each syllable hit harder, cutting deeper than the last. always running her mouth? what. just a hookup, id never date a pogue.

you stood there, behind the slightly ajar door, heart pounding so loudly you were sure it could be heard. but rafe didn’t notice—he was too busy tearing you down with topper, speaking like you were nothing more than a nuisance in his life. he’d never know how those words would haunt you, how the trust you had in him shattered like glass.

your eyes burned with unshed tears, the sharp sting of betrayal settling into the pit of your stomach. but there was something else bubbling just beneath the surface—rage. not the hot, fiery kind that comes and goes. no, this was colder, more calculated. the type that stews, planning its revenge.

your fingers itched to grab your things and leave, but not without making sure he understood who held the power in this relationship. you weren’t going to walk away defeated, not when you could leave him begging for mercy.

so, instead of running, you turned, heart hardening with each step as you walked back into the room, your hands trembling slightly as you pulled out a suitcase from under the bed.

if he thought he could treat you like this, he was about to learn how wrong he was. you weren’t some weak girl who would let this slide. no, rafe was about to see a side of you he never had before.

the door clicked shut behind him, and for a moment, you could hear his confused muttering. "yo, topper, i’ll catch you later."

rafe’s voice rang through the hallway, much closer now, but still carrying the same arrogant tone. you ignored him, hands moving swiftly as you tossed your clothes into the bag, each item thrown more aggressively than the last.

when rafe finally stepped into the room, his eyes immediately fell on you, and panic flickered in his expression. "what the hell are you doing?"

his voice wavered as he took in the scene—your half-packed bag, the angry flush on your cheeks, the tight set of your jaw.

"what does it look like?" you shot back, barely sparing him a glance as you continued packing.

he hesitated, taking a step closer to you, but the sight of your seething rage stopped him in his tracks. "hey, let’s just—let’s talk about this, okay?"

you laughed bitterly, slamming the suitcase shut before finally turning to face him. "oh, now you want to talk?" you snapped, the sharp edge in your voice slicing through the air between you. "funny, because earlier, it seemed like you had plenty to say."

his face paled as realization dawned on him. you watched as his lips parted, searching for words but finding none. for the first time in a long time, rafe cameron was speechless, guilt flooding his features.

"i didn’t—" he started, but you cut him off.

"save it," you hissed, stepping closer to him now, your eyes blazing. "i heard everything, rafe. every. single. word."

rafe’s breath hitched as the full weight of your words crashed down on him. his eyes widened in panic, and he took another shaky step toward you, reaching out as if to touch you, to ground himself in this spiraling nightmare. "i didn’t mean it, baby. i swear, i wasn’t thinking—i was just venting—"

"venting?" you scoffed, stepping back from his touch. "do i look like someone you just 'vent' about, rafe? am i just some girl you get to shit on when i’m not around?" your voice cracked slightly, the hurt bubbling beneath your fury slipping through the cracks.

rafe’s hands trembled as he dropped them to his sides, a strangled sound escaping his throat as he shook his head. "no, no—please, you know i didn’t mean any of that. i was just—" his voice broke, and you watched as his composure started to crumble, tears pooling in his eyes. "i was just talking, okay? i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it. you have to believe me."

but you weren’t about to let him off the hook that easily. your eyes darkened as you stepped even closer to him, your voice dropping to a dangerously low whisper. "if you’re really sorry, rafe, you’re going to have to prove it."

a flicker of hope sparked in his eyes, and he nodded eagerly, desperate to fix what he’d broken. "anything," he breathed, his voice shaky. "i’ll do anything."

you stared him down, watching as he swallowed hard, his adam’s apple bobbing with nervous anticipation. there was no trace of the cocky, confident rafe now. instead, he was a trembling mess, willing to do whatever it took to keep you from walking out that door.

you grabbed your phone from the dresser, starting the recording and letting the soft beep fill the silence. rafe’s eyes widened as he watched you, confusion and curiosity mixing with the fear in his gaze.

"get on your knees," you ordered, your voice firm, leaving no room for hesitation.

rafe blinked, momentarily stunned by the command, but the second your eyes met his, cold and unwavering, he obeyed. he dropped to his knees before you, looking up with wide, tear-filled eyes. the vulnerability radiating off him was palpable, his breath shaky as he knelt before you, completely at your mercy.

"you don’t get to speak," you warned, holding the phone steady as you circled him slowly, capturing his wide eyes, his trembling hands. "you only get to listen and do what i say."

he nodded quickly, his throat tight with emotion as he blinked away the tears threatening to spill down his cheeks.

you positioned yourself on the bed, spreading your legs slightly, and gestured for him to come closer. "you know what to do," you said, your tone soft but commanding.

without a moment’s hesitation, rafe shuffled forward on his knees, his eyes glued to your thighs as he leaned in, his lips pressing soft, tentative kisses along your skin. his breath was hot and shaky, the desperation in every touch making your pulse quicken.

"good boy," you murmured, threading your fingers through his hair and pulling him closer, guiding his mouth exactly where you wanted it. "now, show me how sorry you are."

rafe wasted no time, his tongue flicking against you with a desperation that sent shivers down your spine. his hands gripped your thighs, holding on for dear life as he worked to prove himself, his movements frantic, eager to please.

your head tipped back slightly as a soft sigh escaped your lips, but you quickly regained control, focusing on the phone’s camera in your hand. you adjusted the angle, making sure you captured every second of rafe’s unraveling—his lips swollen and red from the effort, his face flushed, sweat beading on his forehead.

"look at you," you cooed softly, your free hand caressing his cheek. "you’re such a mess for me, aren’t you?"

rafe whimpered in response, the vibrations from his soft sobs sending waves of pleasure through you. his eyes fluttered shut as he pressed his face harder against you, the tears finally spilling over and streaming down his cheeks.

you could feel the shift in him—the way his body trembled beneath your touch, the way his breaths came in ragged, uneven gasps. he was breaking, right in front of you, and the sight sent a surge of power through your veins.

"don’t stop," you whispered, your fingers tugging on his hair as his pace quickened, his tongue working furiously. "not until i say so."

rafe let out a choked sob, his tears soaking into your skin as he continued, his movements growing sloppier, more desperate. you glanced down at him, the sight of his tear-streaked face and swollen lips sending a rush of heat through you.

"you’re mine," you whispered, your voice dripping with possession as you tilted his face up slightly, capturing the tear that rolled down his cheek with your thumb. "and you’ll never forget it."

rafe’s body shuddered at your words, a strangled moan escaping his lips as he clung to you, his breath coming in short, shallow gasps. another tear slipped down his face, and you leaned down, your lips brushing against his cheek, kissing the tear away.

you recorded it all, making sure you caught the exact moment rafe broke for you, his body trembling beneath your touch as he whimpered your name.

"please," he gasped, his voice barely above a whisper. "i’m yours. i’ll never leave you. i love you. please…don’t leave me."

his words were slurred, thick with emotion, and you smiled softly, running your fingers through his hair in a soothing motion.

"good boy," you whispered, pressing one last kiss to his temple as his body finally collapsed against you, completely spent and vulnerable.

slowly, you stopped recording. rafe barely noticed, his head resting against your thigh, still trying to steady his breathing. his tear-streaked face was a picture of surrender.

you stood up, gently pushing him off you, and his body slumped against the mattress, too weak to even protest. you didn’t say a word as you picked up your phone, your fingers tapping with practiced precision.

rafe watched through bleary eyes, his chest still rising and falling with uneven breaths, the reality of the situation not quite sinking in yet.

the video—the raw, intimate recording of rafe at his most vulnerable—was right there, in your hand. the smirk playing at your lips deepened as you attached it to a group chat, the names of topper, kelce, and several other friends flashing across the screen. rafe’s inner circle, the same ones he was so eager to talk big around. they’d all see this.

and then, for the final touch. your fingers hovered over the keyboard for just a moment before typing: looks like the pogue got your boy.

the message was delivered, the little ‘sent’ confirmation making your heart race with satisfaction. the power was now entirely in your hands, and you relished the silence that followed, the calm before the inevitable storm.

rafe blinked, finally realizing what had happened as he noticed the shift in your demeanor. “w-what did you do?” his voice was small, trembling with fear as his eyes darted from your phone to your face, dread sinking in fast.

you leaned down, brushing a lock of hair out of his face with surprising gentleness, and a sweet peck on his lips. “just reminding you who really holds the power here, rafe,” you whispered softly, your voice laced with a wicked edge. “you thought you could talk shit about me behind my back? guess again.”

rafe’s eyes widened as he tried to sit up, his body weak and uncoordinated. “no, no, no—what did you send? please, baby, please!” he pleaded, his voice cracking with desperation.

you straightened up, staring down at him, your smile never faltering. “i sent a little reminder to all your friends. they’ll see it soon enough.”

he scrambled to reach for his phone, but it was too late. his friends were already watching the video, seeing him like they’d never seen him before—broken, crying, at your feet, worshiping you. and with that message—looks like the pogue got your boy—they’d know he wasn’t the powerful rafe cameron anymore. not with you around.

rafe’s breath hitched, panic surging through his veins as his phone buzzed incessantly on the bedside table. “no,” he whimpered, tears spilling over again, pure terror flashing in his eyes as he looked up at you, utterly helpless, still with a needy gaze.

you bent down one last time, tilting his chin up so he could meet your gaze, your thumb gently brushing against his swollen lips. “next time you even think about talking behind my back,” you whispered, “remember this moment. because there’s more where that came from.”

with that, you walked away, leaving rafe alone in the room, his phone lighting up with messages from his friends, the weight of his humiliation crushing him.

you didn’t even glance back as the door clicked shut behind you, a satisfied smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

you owned him now. completely.

taglist: @namelesslosers @princessslutt @averyoceanblvd @iknowdatsrightbih @starkeysprincess @sixrosberg @anamiad00msday @ivysprophecy @wearemadeofstardust0

[mishappeningss]

MORE THAN A DRIVER

CHAPTER FIVE

more about driver!yn

formula one + female!driver!reader smau + irl

Drive to Survive 🏎️ — Episode 3

YN heads to Jeddah, unsure of what to expect. With pressure building and nothing guaranteed, she puts everything on the line -- and surprises everyone.

The scene opens in calm — overhead drone shots of Jeddah’s waterfront shimmer under stadium lights. Inside the Mercedes garage, the camera slowly pans across rows of silent engineers.

They watch screen filled with data, engine readings, tire temperatures. In the center, sitting under the dim lights and her helmet resting on her knees, is YN LN.

Her thumb runs small circles over the edge of her helmet. Her eyes are steady — watching the screen, watching herself.

Friday: Free Practice.

FP1 and FP2 go by in a blur. The cars scream through the circuit’s blinding lights. Every mistake is close enough to kiss the wall.

In the garage, YN debriefs. She stands behind her car, visor up, eyes scanning the tablet. Her engineer points at Sector 3.

“You’re scrubbing too much speed through 22. The lift is costing us time.”

Low and focused, “I’m not lifting next run.”

A beat. “Okay… copy that.”

Meanwhile, cameras cut to the rival garages. Redbull. McLaren. Ferrari.

“She’s fast, but it’s green. A couple good laps doesn’t make her top tier.”

YN LN: DTS Interview

“I know what they’re saying. That I don’t belong here. That Australia was just luck. But they forget that I raced at 300kph with only two wheels under me. This is chess compared to that.”

Saturday: Qualifying.

Q1. Clean, P5.

Q2. Faster, P3.

Q3. Darkness, under the lights.

It’s the final run. The camera follows YN’s steering wheel like a heartbeat—twitching right, then sharper into a chicane at 250 kph. She’s inches from the barrier.

“Just listen to how close she gets to that wall. If she blinks, that’s her weekend over.”

She crosses the line. P2 flashes for a quick second — until Verstappen edges it by .037 seconds.

Still, the crowd gasps. Mercedes mechanics erupts in low cheers. She sits in the cockpit, her breathing shallow and silent.

“That was phenomenal, YN. That’s front row potential in this field.”

Sunday: Race Day

YN walks down the pit lane toward her car. Helmet on. Visor down. Around her, teams shift and move in a blur. She’s calm in the chaos.

Lights out — The lights go red, then out.

YN launches clean, holding her place in P3. Max shoots forward. Norris edges up inside. Into Turn 1, she holds position by braking late. Her rear tires scrape the dust.

Lap after lap, she mirrors Lando in front, never more than half a second behind. Behind her, Russell is charging.

Lap 17. “YN, Norris’ tire wear increasing. You can take him next DRS.”

Calmly she replies, “I’ll pass him before he knows he’s under threat.”

Next lap, she dives into the next turn — high risk. The car twitches, but holds. Lando’s caught up and drops to P4.

Lap 28. Leclerc’s car comes out of the pits. Cold tires. YN arrives at a high speed. They almost touch. Her left front locks, smoke billows. The whole Mercedes wall rises to their feet.

“You okay?” — “I’m still here.”

Replay shows her controlling the lock-up with millimeter precision.

Lewis Hamilton: DTS Interview

“She doesn’t flinch. That’s when you know someone’s real.”

Lap 45. Verstappen leads. YN in second, with Lewis in third.

“Two races in and YN LN is giving the reigning world champion a run for his life.”

Lap 50 — Checkered flag.

P2. Second podium in two races. The silver trophy, but her impact? Gold.

Post race — she stands between Max and Lewis. There’s champagne all over her hair, but her eyes are locked forward. No tears. A light smile on her face, a quiet satisfaction.

Grinning, Lewis leans over to her, “You’re making it look easy.”

They bump fists.

Toto watches silently from below the podium stage. Her helmet, resting on a table. Visor fogged.

“Some drivers just debut. Others declare a battle. She came for both.”

YN LN — 2 podiums in 2 races.

Next stop: Monaco 🇲🇨 The tightest test of control, patience… and precision.

yourusername

liked by alex_albon, danielricciardo, and others

yourusername not bad for someone who was told they’d crash before lap 10

view all comments

lewishamilton Proud of you 🔥 Keep pushing.

username pls post a full race suit fit

username the calm in ur eyes mid overtake??? HOW DO U DO THAT

lando so you’re just gonna keep overtaking me like that huh

username if jeddah had a crown she just snatched it 😭😭

mercedesamgf1

liked by lewishamilton, yourusername, and others

mercedesamgf1 Back to back podiums for yourusername. From MotoGP to F1 podiums in 2 weeks — the grind never lies. 🔥

You’ve been electric!

view all comments

username Icon. That’s all.

username she drives like she has nothing to prove and everything to take

username mercedes has a monster in that second seat and i’m living for it

username toto looks so PROUD

username Okay but like, what is she made of???

next stop, monaco baby! thatsssss chapter 5 for u !!! i hope u guys enjoyed thissss. as promised, next chapters will be longer and more dts episodes are to come! if you guys want to know more about the driver!yn universe leave me a message on my inbox!

if you’d like to be added to the taglist, kindly leave a comment or dm me! likes and reblogs are appreciated, love lots! x

taglist: @omgsuperstarg @hymntostars @dollyvuu @halleest @smh-anon @scentedrosa @ceekokocee15 @melancholicandmessy @heavenbabyg @milkiane @jajouska @stqrgirlies-blog @imdyinghelpplease @iikissagirl @moonlight52moonlight @hollandxstanley @sleutherclaw @deaddumblbumble @iamdedsthingz @scuderiapng @ninass-world @lagrandeourse @kodzuvk @reallifemermaidprincess @enfppuff @rosegoldorchid @cryinghotmess @hero-ically @anunstablefangirl @floraf1ln @beathreat @fromsaltandsea @i-need-to-be-put-down @usseraloo @starrgir1 @vinylphwoar @elliefind @wherethezoes-at @yarastilinski @liveoninmemory @lavaflow1012 @formulapierre @isagrace22

[gyuswhore]

Sit Down

anniversary event [closed]

kim mingyu x reader

prompt(s): getting aroused by the other's jealousy/obsession with them, "Could he/she/they do it like this?”, “you're sexy when you're angry”

word count: 5.1k

warnings: smut (MINORS DNI), fluff, potter!mingyu, they're married, reader discovers jealousy, oral (m.rec), penetration (unprotected!!!), kissing, breast play, clit stimulation, they're nasty as hell idk what to tell you

synopsis: It isn't your fault that you feel this way, especially as you watch her hands trace over your husband's own.

It isn't your fault that you can barely go on with your day with that cursed image replaying in your mind like a broken record.

And it certainly isn't your fault that you find yourself completely naked on your husband's lap while his clay-clad hands cannot touch you.

[a/n]: @highvern at the scene of the crime as always, we all have to thank her for her service as she betas for me and encourages my tomfoolery. enjoy this and let me know your thoughts in the rbs, comments or send me an ask!!!!!

masterlist

The grip you have on the file is proving to be detrimental to the cheap plastic covering. Not that you could blame yourself as you watch your husband through the window of his pottery studio, leaning over to help a student with her discombobulated salad bowl. 

It was a beautiful morning, the beach across from the boardwalk sparingly occupied with delighted tanners and swimmers, the low buzz of waves reaching the shore sending a calming draft across the area. Envious as you were of Mingyu and his impeccable real estate choices, especially right now as your heel clad feet ache to take a dip in the waters, you couldn’t help but feel all the more irked that this was the background the image inside the studio was sitting against. 

Through the large glass windows, Mingyu is pressing his foot over top of his very pretty student’s on the pedal to force the pottery wheel to spin, hands over her own as he guides her fingers to put pressure on the wet clay. A spiteful part of you pushes a thought in your mind, that your husband was attempting to fix a lost cause, especially when his student seemed quite insistent in her soft smiles and keeping her gaze on the fingers that cover her own, rather than actually fixing the abomination on the pottery wheel. 

You don’t know how long you’ve been standing there by the time he’s done, straightening his back to turn his attention to the other students that make their attempts at their half done projects. Mingyu catches your figure through the window and immediately breaks into a big smile, clay covered hand coming to wave at you. 

Taking it as your cue to walk into the studio, you return neither his gorgeous smile or his occupied wave as you strut through the glass doors. Your husband meets you on the other side of the open space, hands now washed clean as he leans over to place a kiss on your cheek. 

“Hey, you,” he says in greeting, hands drying on a towel. 

All you can think about is if that salad bowl girl can see you, and you thank goodness you wore your nice top today. 

“Here.” You merely push the slightly crumpled file of documents to his chest, jaw set and lips tight. 

“Oh, thanks,” he comments as he grabs the papers pushed towards him, smile dropping a little at your abrupt attitude. “Is everything alright?” 

“Hm? ‘Course,” you answer, adjust the strap of your bag. “I have to get back to work. Be careful about your paperwork next time, I can’t keep making trips across town for this.”

You bite your tongue as soon as you say it, the words tumbling out before you can help it. Can’t keep making trips across town for this? Last time you checked, you were looking for passive excuses to make the trip to your husband’s studio just to see him during the day. 

“Oh.” His brows are furrowed, the frown apparent on his face. “I–I didn’t think you’d be too busy today, you said you’d be done early so—I—nevermind. I’m sorry I pulled you out of work for this, I’ll be careful next time.”

There’s a pang in your heart as you hear him apologise, immediately mad at yourself for going on and ruining his mood. What were you annoyed at? That he was doing his job? 

Your gaze lands behind him where most of his students are occupied with their projects, but just one whose eyes dart between you and Mingyu. 

Taking a step back, you’re about to walk out before you feel him grab your wrist. “D’you wanna have dinner at the new restaurant down the pier after work? We can watch the sunset too, haven’t done that in a while.”

You want to scream yes. Of course you want to watch a beach sunset with your husband. Of course you want to eat at the restaurant you’ve been waiting eagerly for with your husband. And you aren’t entirely sure if this reaction is simply because you’ve been stressed lately, but the sticky feeling is pushing you to make your claim in some way, somehow. 

Biting back another strangely snarky reply, you make an attempt to fix your stoic face and walk back to Mingyu. Leaning up, you kiss the corner of his mouth in what you hope is slightly reassuring. 

“I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Kicking off your heels is the first thing you do once you make it back to your desk, taking no time to punch the power on button on your computer. You pull a file from the stack next to you, one that sits at the bottom, with a harder than necessary yank. Bad idea, because as you scramble to stop the pile from tipping over entirely, you can only think of other ways your day could get worse. 

Before the worst of it can hit the floor, you find a second set of hands catching the strewing papers. 

“Thanks, Han,” you say as you attempt to reorganise the documents, taking the extra ones off his hands. 

“Have the laws of physics forsaken you? Or do you just like reorganising paperwork?” Hansol asks, sipping on something from the stupid horse mug Mingyu had made for him in light of his promotion. 

Huffing, you only haphazardly stuff the files to the corner to be done with it, opening the file you need as your computer finally boots up. “Don’t you have manager stuff to do?” 

“Being a manager means I can put off doing manager stuff,” he states. “Besides, I’m taking care of my peers, can you imagine the catastrophe that could’ve been if I didn’t swoop in to save you?”

“Papers on the floor? How catastrophic indeed,” you monotone as you click away at trying to find a particular excel sheet. 

“How was Mingyu?”

Stiffening, you want to curse Hansol at reminding you of the very thing you did not want to think of right now. 

“He was fine.”

“You were back earlier than usual, thought you would’ve had lunch with him.”

That was your plan, but clearly the universe had other ways for you to go about your day. Like thinking about an overly flirty student and her all too oblivious teacher. 

“He…he had a workshop today,” you simply comment. 

“Okay, Elsa, who shoved an ice cube up your ass?” You can hear the sneer in his voice, the judgmental stare. 

Groaning loudly, you can only slam your forehead onto your desk in an all too dramatic fashion. “Can you drop it? Please?”

“Ah,” he drags. “Trouble in paradise. Understood. I will be at my desk if you want to complain about your husband like Margaret from Finance.”

Margaret from Finance. The woman who’s entire catalogue of marital issues would be solved if she and her husband simply spoke to each other once in a while. Perhaps even held hands on occasion. 

You wince as you envision yourself becoming as stuck up and miserable as that, Hansol’s harmless comparison sending you into yet another spiral. It wasn’t that serious, this was all because your brain was stressed, horny and in love. The fact that your husband looked like how he did wasn’t really helping either. 

With a little more aggression than you usually would’ve done with, you attempt to skim through the files as quickly as humanly possible, flicking through the useless filler pages to get to the ones that actually required your attention. 

You send a passive aggressive email to Hansol entailing his job to keep things precise. 

Shoving forkfuls of salad into your mouth, your mouse clicks louder than anyone else in the area, having gone back to change your cursor speed about thrice since you turned your computer on. 

Your phone dings. Closing your eyes, you count to ten before turning to look at the illuminated screen beside you. 

[Gyu <3]: did u have lunch?

[Gyu <3]: i wanted us to get sum together but u zoomed off : (((

[Gyu <3]: im done with my classes for the day. The students were asking ab you earlier when u came in heh

[Gyu <3]: cant wait to see u tonight i looooooveee u <333

God, he makes it hard to stay mad at him. 

Snapping your head back to your monitor, you close your eyes once again as you question the war in your head and chest. Why were you mad at him? There was nothing to be mad about. Did you expect him to go about his day covered in plastic wrap and a neon ‘OFF LIMITS’ sign all day? The ring on his finger was supposed to do the job just fine. 

You sigh as you force yourself to text him back something that wasn’t entirely passive aggressive. Typing and erasing, and typing again and erasing again. A smiley face to seal it into something you were not feeling, and send. 

It’s late in the afternoon by the time you’re done, the sun less blaring as it pours through the office windows. You flick the last file shut, power off your computer and spring up to your feet, immediately gathering your things. Phone, ID, keys, and the last plastic file in your hands, you stalk towards Hansol’s desk and slam the papers next to his computer. 

He nearly chokes on his pocky stick as you spit out your final notes in rapid fire, not caring if you were indecipherable in the slightest. Hansol’s eyebrows remain in the air by the time you’re done, spinning on your heels and walking straight towards the elevators. 

“See you, Monday!” you finally hear him call out and you don’t turn to return his goodbye. Something that might have given you a strike but you could threaten him to take it off all the same. 

Besides, you had somewhere to be, and the idea churning in your brain didn’t seem like it wanted to wait. 

The sun is setting by the time you get to the beach boardwalk, climbing the steps to the line of establishments that overlook the significantly more occupied shore. Everything is perfect. Warm just the right amount, the sunlight forcing everything in its path into an incandescent glow. 

What you would’ve given for a nice lie on one of the beach chairs to release an entire day’s worth of tense muscles. But alas, you trudge straight down the boardwalk and walk the way to Mingyu’s studio. When you’re nearly there, you see the glass door of the studio open from a distance, immediately recognising the part timer leaving for the day. 

You cross paths as he walks towards you in the opposite direction, lighting up as he recognises you through your work attire. 

“Oh, hi!” Chan chirps, arm raised in a half wave. 

“Hi! Clocking out?” you ask as you stop to greet him. 

“Uh—yeah, Mingyu let me go early.” He’s grinning. 

“Good to hear. You enjoy the rest of your night, alright?” 

“Yeah–uh, you too!” he stutters once again as he continues to smile wide. You think nothing of it and continue your short walk to where the studio doors were. 

Coming round, you find the large glass door and walls have been blocked out with the blinds, the blaring CLOSED sign right at the entrance. 

You stand there in front of the door like a fool, taking a deep breath, eyes closed as you gain your bearings. Grabbing the shiny handle, you push the unlocked glass open. 

The bell at the top jingles, signalling a customer, and you watch your husband sitting at one of the turntables, clearly occupied. The studio is completely empty except for him, the whirr of the spinning table coming to a halt as he turns to tell whoever came in that they were closed for the day. 

It’s revolting. He’s wearing his usual black tee, stained with months of splattered clay, his hair tousled like he’d run his hands through it before he started his project. The sun seeps in through the neglected edges of the top of the glass walls, past the blinds that cover most of them, casting him in an unbelievable light. It’s revolting, he’s done nothing and it’s making your head reel; revolting. 

“We’re—oh, you’re early!” There it is, that stupid smile he can’t help but flash at every last person he sees, directed straight at you laced with nothing but love. 

Reaching behind you, you push the metal lock on the door to click it shut, locking the both of you inside, and the rest of the beach and boardwalk out. Right after, you begin to kick off your heels. 

“I already made the reservations for an hour from now, let me change and wash up so we can go to the beach till—”

“Sit down.”

He was halfway out of his seat as he was talking, ready to leave his half done work on the turntable to leave with you. Your words come out firm, a strange tone like you were giving him a command. 

It works, and the shock has him immediately falling back into his chair. The force pushes the chair away from the turn tables, now half facing you.  

Dropping your bag, you shuck your long coat off and leave it on the floor. Eyeing his hands, they’re covered in wet clay, suspended away from his body so as to not ruin his clothes more than they already are, speckled with dried clay and paint. 

He recovers quickly, confused as he watches you fiddle with the buttons on your bottoms, rising out of his chair once again. 

“What are you—” 

“I said,'' you grunt as you finally push your bottoms down so they hit the floor. “Sit down.” 

The shift in his face makes it obvious it has clicked in his head, staring at you as you walk towards him in just your blouse as the situation escalates faster than he can keep up with. 

“Right now? Can you at least let me—”

Through his blabbering you’ve reached him and swung a leg over his lap, seating yourself on his clothed thighs as he moves his hands away, making sure not to get clay all over your blouse. 

His hands may be occupied in a different sense, but you choose to busy yours in other ways. Taking his face in your hands, you lock your mouths in an open mouthed kiss, rendering him speechless. 

Taking no time to think, nor to let him think, you push your hips down to meet his own in a deep grind, panty clad pussy making contact with the rough of his jeans right over his bulge. The feeling is so sudden, spiking throughout your system as you hear him take a sharp inhale still pressed into your mouth.

That was you. That was you getting that reaction out of him, no matter how small it was. The thought has you gripping the back of his head, fingers making home in the short strands of his hair as you let go from the kiss. 

Wasting no time, you push his head back and stick your tongue out, licking a stripe from the base of his throat right up to his jaw. He shivers beneath you, and it only muddles your mind even more. 

You can feel his bulge beneath you growing larger and larger by the second, pressing into your inner thigh as his breathing grows exponentially heavier in your ear. Locking eyes with him, you trail your other hand down to graze over the front of his shirt, pressing into the bumps and ridges that lie beneath.

Reaching his buckle, you hook your finger underneath the gap and pull at the metal. As you let go, it snaps back into place with a resounding cling! Keeping the eye contact, you drift even lower, your fingers find the growing tent in his jeans as you cup the bulge. Moving your hands in the way you know he likes it, you curb your speed to drag out the feeling for him. 

“Fuck,” you hear him curse lowly. 

It’s becoming impossible for him to keep his composure, especially to keep his hands away from your body that sits on him. He gets close, fingers brushing the white of your blouse in a moment of confusion, instant brown on the surface as his wet, clay hands ruin your shirt. 

“If you really can’t keep your hands to yourself,” you say, halting your movements on his crotch. “I guess this’ll have to go too.”

Not bothering to undo all the buttons, you tug the first couple ones unfastened and pull your blouse over your head, throwing it somewhere behind his head. Quickly, you reach behind and unclasp your bra, flinging it away in the same general area. You’re now almost entirely naked while he remains clothed head to toe. 

Your nipples harden as they meet the air in the studio, Mingyu’s eyes set on your mounds as he takes them in. 

Before he has the opportunity to do anything, you slip off of your seat in his lap, knees slamming the floors in your haste as you kneel before him. Hands flying, you tug at the buckle of his belt, undoing it despite your hurried motions. 

“You’ve been off today, are you sure everything’s alright?” Mingyu asks from, still wide eyed as he watches helplessly as you yank his jeans enough to reveal the final layer of his underwear. It doesn’t take you long to take his entire length out of there too, needing him in front of you.

“Do not ask me about my feelings when I’m trying to fuck you.”

“What on earth–shit!”

You’ve taken his now fully hard length into your hand, licking a strip from the base of his cock up to the bulbous head. The tip of your tongue teases the head ever so lightly, and Mingyu watches as his head and your tongue match in their reds. He watches the way your tongue dips into the pooling white of his precum, pushing into his slit as the tip of your tongue wiggles slightly. 

The fact that he cannot touch only heightens the effects of your teasing, clayed hands balling into fists just to feel something on his fingertips. 

Soon, your lips have wrapped around the head of cock as you let it rub against the beginnings of the inside of your soft mouth. Letting go, you take him in again, this time running your tongue over his slit, feeling his hips twitch beneath you as you continue to take him in and out, only to take him back in again. 

In one motion, you sink your mouth lower onto his dick, feeling the head of his cock run against the roof of your mouth. Mingyu hisses audibly amidst his very loud and heavy breathing. 

When you feel him hit the beginnings of your throat, you pull back, bringing your hand to curve around the base to cover what you couldn’t fit, pumping him up and down as you continue to pull his member in and out of your mouth. 

He’s moaning loud, the echoes resonating off the walls as you hear your name slip from his mouth over, and over, and over again. It only encourages you as you move down deeper, his cock touching the back of your throat in more familiarity than before. 

Everything is wet; the spit and precum turning into a shiny gleam on his cock and on the lower half of your face, the heat between your legs that makes you feel oh so empty. Clenching around nothing, you resist the urge to bring a hand down to relieve yourself. 

“Are you ovulating or something, why are you suddenly…suddenly, fucking hell I don’t know.” 

Releasing him from your mouth with a loud pop, you rear your head to look up at him, the lower half of your face covered in a wet glisten. Your hand continues to pump him as you watch his face remain contorted in pleasure.

In a daze, you don’t realise what you’re saying as you blab. “Could she do it like this?”

“What?”

“Could she do it like this?” you repeat like a mantra, needing to hear his answer. “Could she make you feel like this?”

“What are you talking about?” It’s taking Mingyu every bit of his soul to form coherent words. 

In one swift motion, you’ve hoisted yourself back on your feet, nails digging into his thighs through his pants. 

Hovering over his lap, you take his shaft once again, but this time you push your panties aside with your hand and bring it close to your heat, brushing the head of his cock over your wet folds, using him to feel the pleasure that builds. 

“God, you’re so wet,” he blabs as he throws his head back at the feeling. “I wanna touch you, fuck I need to get this clay off, I need to touch you.”

He’s brought his mouth to latch onto your nipple, evoking a loud gasp from you as feel him circle your nub with his tongue before sucking. Letting go, he sticks his tongue out as his only weapon, flicking it repeatedly as you continue to rub his wet cock over your equally wet cunt. 

Lining him up with your entrance, you sink onto his head as you let out a loud moan, feeling the tip stretch you out in the familiar way you’ve been craving all day. It’s like your brain is buffering as you recover from the bout of pleasure, barely registering that he’s continued to assault your other nipple now. 

Your free hand comes to toy with your relieved tit, twisting your spit covered nipple between your fingers as his dick pushes further and further inside you. 

Fully sheathed, you pull your husband’s face away from your breast as you bring his lips to your own, kissing him deep as you clench around his hard cock.

“Don’t. Do that,” he hisses against your lips, hands suddenly closing in your waist, so close before he realises he can’t. “‘M gonna fucking come, I’m so serious.”

The news is enlightening, especially as it encourages you to lift your hips ever so slightly, and curl back back down in an initial thrust. Again, and again, and again till you’re moving your hips at a swift pace, striking down on his length as you both moan into each other's mouths.

The feeling is electrifying, and the borderline pornographic noises your husband is making is only making it all the more easier to gush around his member, to move your hips faster as you feel the knot in your abdomen tighten and loosen. 

“You feel amazing, so fucking good,” he grunts as he mouths the column of your throat. “My baby, my darling, my wife.”

And when the burn in your thighs becomes more than just a mental battle, your hips slowing despite the mind boggling feeling and the choked sobs that come out of you, you feel Mingyu’s hips lift from the chair he’d been trapped in, pushing into you instead. 

His still dirty hands have taken hold of the top of the back legs of the chair, helping himself push off his seat to thrust into you rapidly. 

“Touch yourself, baby,” he says. “Rub your clit for me.”

Who are you to deny him, one hand on one of his broad shoulders while the other flies down to the mess that’s becoming of your cunt. Rubbing two fingers over your clit, you throw your head back in a loud moan as you feel yourself beginning to close in.

Mingyu is watching the apex of your thighs; the way your fingers work against your swollen clit, the way his dick disappears inside you, a ring of sinful white foaming at the base of his cock. He twitches inside you, a clear indication that he was also close. 

Your breasts are a sight to behold, and the scene before him is enough to make him bust entirely. Bouncing tits that he cannot touch, perfectly red, puffed pussy he cannot touch, the beautiful curves and dips of your waist and thigh, barely illuminated by the setting sun, that he cannot touch. He curses the wretched idea to make a last minute thing on the turntable before you arrived, curses the fact that he should be able to feel all of you. 

He might lose his mind, and he does when your walls clamp down on him like a trap, your moans so loud he’s sure he’ll be hearing them in his ears for weeks. 

“G–Gyu, I’m cumming,” you whimper through the pure brain fog. 

Mingyu fucks you through your orgasm, finally letting himself release his own load into you when he simply can’t take it anymore, dick spasming as he shoots white hot cum into your hole. The added slick makes it easier to slip in and out faster as his orgasm holds out far longer than it usually does, both of your hips twitching like you’d been zapped as you come down from your highs. 

It’s become near impossible to hold up your own weight, slumping against his large frame as you unclench every pinched muscle and joint. Forehead on his shoulder, you take pleasure in the afterglow, breathing in his scent with your nose pressed into the sliver of skin that reveals past his shirt. Sweat, the earthy odour of clay, and the calm familiarity of him.

“I don’t know what I did to have you acting like this,” he breathes into your ear. “But whatever it is, I need to do it more often.”

Sluggishly, you lift your head to look at him. His head is leaned back on the chair, face glowing as you stare into the eyes you fell in love with so long ago. 

“You haven’t done anything,” you sigh. “It was…stupid.”

“That’s the worst thing you could say to me right now.”

You whine, rolling your neck. “What do you want me to tell you?”

He stares. “Who do I need to thank for creating this monster?”

It was a joke, clearly, but you couldn’t help but feel the little pool of pride swell within you anyway. 

“Salad bowl girl.”

“And I’m supposed to know what that means? Do you want a salad bowl? I can make you one.”

“No. The girl in your class this morning with that god awful salad bowl,” you huff. “It looked offensive, she was too busy burning holes into you.”

“Oh no,” he whispers, eyes wide, mouth turning it the beginnings of a hysterical laugh. “My pretty little wife is jealous.”

“If you’re gonna rub it in, I'm getting off.” You try to remove yourself from his lap, slipping his now soft member out of you. 

You’re stopped when you feel the two points of his elbows locking you at the waist, pushing you down. He’s grinning like a fool. “You’re sexy when you’re angry.”

“I’m not angry—”

“Your hello was my dick in your mouth.”

“So you didn’t like it?”

“I’d fire myself in the kiln before I ever say that.” He locks his elbows harder, pulling you closer. “Besides, I think this means I’ve won.”

“Won what?”

“Like you’ve never noticed Chan looking at you like…like he’s got some puppy dog crush on you. I’ve won the battle of composure.” 

You guffaw, “What are you—stop it, he does not!”

He merely leans forward and kisses you, “I don’t blame him. My wife is the most gorgeous thing anyone could ever see.” 

Grabbing him by the elbows, you break free of his hold and get off of his lap, attempting to gather the clothes you’ve scattered across the studio. 

“Can you at least help me put my dick back inside my pants, these are my cleaner jeans!”

Snapping the elastic of your bra back on, pantied adjusted, you walk back to him. He’s looking at you with those stupid stars in his eyes and it makes it hard to focus on readjusting his jeans for him. 

Leaning down, you take in your hands his still wet cock, smothered in your spit and arousal, complete with his own release. You can’t help it when you dip further to take his head into your mouth, the groan coming from above you near automatic. 

“Oh, you’re evil.”

You grin as you wrap your mouth in a harsher suck, feeling him harden slowly, still quicker than you’d thought. Giving him a few more generous sucks, you run your tongue over his slit before moving back. 

He’s breathing heavily, leaning close as you pull his waistband up. “You know, they say you should lay down afterwards if you want to be successful. I think we might have to go again later on a real bed to do the trick.”

“You can stay horny, I’m getting dressed for some real food.” 

“I think we kinda need to be horny to do what we’re trying to do,” he lowtones, moving his face back and forth to meet your drifting eyes. 

You sigh once again, “Why can’t just getting off birth control be enough?”

“Are you not having fun?”

“I’m literally buttoning your pants for you, it was fun until now.”

Mingyu raises his hands in both surrender and pointed regard, the clay now dried and cracking over his hands and forearms. “I digress.”

 It annoys you that he’s right, so you lean in to give him a kiss as a distraction. It works. 

“It’s alright,” he smiles into your kiss. “This is the one thing I won’t mind breaking my back for.”

The giggle escapes you before you can help it, and you feel him kiss at your cheeks, placing one last one on the tip of your nose.

“Now, if my lovely wife will let me wash my hands…?”

“Go,” you chuckle.

“We should name our baby Salad Bowl in this honour.” He’s way at the handwash station by now, water running as he scrubs off all the dried up clay.

“So sad our baby will have to grow up without a father.”

 “I love you,” he yells. 

“I’ll be sure to tell our child.” 

“You’re insufferable,” he says, suddenly behind you as you pull on your blouse. Wet hands grasp your waist and you squeal at the feeling. 

“Mingyu!” 

“I love you,” he drags, spinning you around to face him. 

“I thought I was insufferable.”

Your husband groans, simply pulling you into him with his own two hands to kiss you. 

“I think we’re late for our reservation.”

“You’d better hurry then.” You eye his clay speckled shirt.

“Don’t miss me.” He turns around to find his cleaner shirt, all while you drift over to see the incomplete project still on his table.

A mug still clay-brown and half done, but one that looks suspiciously similar to your favourite one you broke last week. 

[chleem]

Rest of my life

One shot: bf drew x gf yn

Summary: babysitting drew’s niece leads to the realization that you’re the one for him.  

Genre: established relationship, fluff

Warnings: so sweet u get cavities

⋆.˚ don't copy or translate my work

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

“Which girl did you knock up?” 

Is the first thing you say upon entering Drew’s apartment, your eyes landing on Drew, who has a baby securely strapped against his stomach in a white carrier, the baby looking over at you with doe eyes. 

Drew freezes for a second, then shakes his head, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips as he sets a large bag down on the kitchen table. "Oh, y’know, some girl I met on set."

There’s a reason why you and Drew are perfect for each other; the playful banter comes so naturally between you two that it feels like breathing, like there’s no awkwardness in this situation; finding Drew with a baby you’ve never seen before. 

Although, this baby looks oddly familiar. 

“Remember Lils?” Drew asks, as you walk over to him, setting your own bag on the table as well. 

Your eyes light up at the name, recalling the times Drew would show you pictures of his niece. “Oh hi,” you immediately pitch your voice higher, making it soft and playful. The baby, with her big, curious eyes, reaches out her tiny hand, and before you even know it, she’s grabbing onto your finger. 

Her little grip is surprisingly strong, and you can’t help but smile at how adorable she is. “She grew so big,” you comment, looking up at Drew. 

He’s got a soft smile on his lips. “I’know, and I got her for the whole day.”

Your raise an eyebrow playfully at him, “I thought we’re going to the beach today.”

“Yeah, we are,” he emphasizes on that word, his eyes bouncing back between him and Lil. 

Lil lets go of your hand, so you cross your arms at Drew. You roll your eyes, yet the grin on your face gives away your amusement. “Fine. I won’t rob you of your uncle-niece time.”

A chuckle escapes Drew’s lips, and he brings you closer to him by wrapping an arm around your waist. “Lil says it’s okay for you to be there,” his voice, low and playful, as he plants a kiss on your jaw. “Third wheel, you okay with that?”

“Delightful,” you try to sound annoyed at that idea, but really, you looked forward to it. 

Originally, it was a beach date with Drew, but his sister must’ve had some emergency, leading to the sudden babysit. You had no idea that it was going to turn out like this, but you don’t mind. 

Besides, it gives you a chance to see what uncle Drew is like. 

“Aww, don’t be jealous,” he teases, rubbing your elbow, a habit he’s grown into since knowing you. 

“I could never compete with this girl,” you smile down at Lil, whose lips slowly forms an O. You coo at her, playing with her little adorable fingers.

Drew glances down at his watch, snapping you out of the little world you’ve absorbed yourself with Lil in only a few seconds. “Hotdog stand might close. Let’s go.”

“I’m trying the taco one!” You happily chirp, remembering how the last time you went there, a long argument between the two of you resulted in you getting the pizza flavored hot dog. 

“Alright, alright,” Drew assures, taking both of the bags off the table. 

You make an attempt to grab at least one bag from him, but he declines, carrying it all the way to the car himself. 

——

Unknowingly, the whole day at the beach has passed. 

Drew had been so focused on spending time with his niece, he didn’t even notice the way the sky changed. One moment, they were splashing in the shallow waves, building sandcastles, the next, the sun was dipping low.

He walks back to the beach with hotdogs in his hands; buying the snacks now since the crowd has disappeared. 

He replays scenes of today in his mind, thinking about how easy it’s been today. How effortless it felt, spending time with you and Lil. He’d watched you interact with his niece all afternoon—how you encouraged her to explore the sand, showing her the little crabs skittering along the shoreline etc. 

And now, as he makes his way back, he can’t shake the image of you laughing with Lil, your face lighting up when the baby made a funny sound or reached out for you.

He reaches the blanket that the two of you had spread out earlier on the sand, and he glances over your shoulder, expecting to see you playing with Lil. 

Instead, he freezes. 

There you are, holding his niece in your arms. Lil’s fast asleep, her little body relaxed against your chest. 

Drew’s first thought is how cute his niece is. 

His eyes then drift over to you; And that’s when it hits him.

The realization of this moment, the quiet way you’re holding his baby niece, strikes him. His heart skips a beat as he watches you, a quiet warmth flooding his chest. 

The sight of you with her, so natural, so right, feels more profound than anything he expected.

What is this feeling? He thinks.

He tries to shake it off. It’s not just about Lil. It’s about you, the way you make everything feel so simple, so easy. He never expected to see you like this, to see you so gentle, so present.

Is this what love feels like? He doesn’t know. But in that moment, staring at the two of you, something in him clicks. He doesn’t have a name for it yet, but it’s there—this pull, this feeling that maybe, just maybe, everything he thought he wanted was right here in front of him.

“Drew?” 

Your voice is gentle and soft as you call out for him, afraid to wake the baby up. 

Your gaze meets his, and for a second, the world feels smaller. His heart skips again, mind racing around as he scrambles for words in his mind. 

“Hey,” he manages to breathe out, sitting down beside you. He’s careful with his movements, even when handing you your hotdog to your free hand. His lips curl into a soft smile,  almost shy, “she’s out cold, huh?”

He watches as you completely ignore his words, biting down on the hotdog you’ve been waiting for for the whole day. His smile grows; his mind reminded of how easy it is to be around you. It’s not that you’ve said much or done anything extraordinary—just the way you seem to savor the simple things, like food, time spent together—it draws him in every time.

“Good?” Drew asks, teasing hinted in his voice, yet his eyes soften as he waits for your answer. 

“Strange. The pizza flavor’s better,” you comment through chews. 

Laughter erupts in his chest, making you look confusingly at him. You swallow, looking at him with doe eyes. “Let me take her,” he says, his hands reaching for his niece. 

You let him, mainly because of how hungry you are. The exchange is smooth; he now holds Lil in his arms, and you hold onto the two hotdogs, eating away one of them. 

“Y/n?”

You quickly finish the bite, humming at Drew continue talking. He’s looking at you with a soft gaze, almost smitten. He calls for your name, but doesn’t say anything. 

“You want a bite?” You ask, filling in the silence. 

Drew chuckles, and with his free hand, he pulls you by the back of your neck closer to him. He kisses you, slow and soft. You relax under his touch, letting the warm and bubbly feeling flow through you. 

You eventually pull away, needing to catch your breath. Drew’s lips are apart as he stares at you; the look in his eyes making it hard to steady your heartbeat. 

For seconds that felt like minutes, silence lingers between you two, eyes locked into each others’ as if any move, would disturb the calmness of this moment. 

Well, the moment is disturbed, because the smell of poop enters the air, as well as the sound of crying. 

Lil's awake, and in a stinky emergency.

You’re the first to pull away, chuckling as you glance down at Lil. “Shit.”

“Yup,” he purses his lips. You get ready to put the hotdogs down, wanting to help change her diapers, when Drew stops you. “I’ll do it.”

“Do I even have the appetite anymore?” You joke, the smile reappearing on Drew’s lips after hearing that. 

“When do you not?” He comments, setting Lil down and reaching for the diaper bag. 

You hit his arm playfully again, laughter coming out of you. You turn and look out onto the ocean waves, putting the hotdogs down to the side.

This moment right here? You want to remember it always. Remember this beach, this adorable little baby, this hotdog (just important as everything else), and this man, that you’ve found yourself to rely on more than you should. 

You hope Drew feels the same way too; that this moment right now, will forever be engraved in your heart. 

Little did you know; it's already engraved in his, as the moment he fell in love with you. 

The moment he realized, that you’re who he wants for the rest of his life. 

-------------------------------

word count: 1.5k

ִ ࣪𖤐 a/n: my first time writing something of pure fluff...hope you enjoyed reading! i was in the mode for something sweet, craving a bf real bad T_T

and yes, im a creep that stalked his sister's ig to find the name of his niece. im sorry im sorry im sorry

elevator | other

[dollgxtz]

His Watchful Eye

Word Count: 8.9k

Tags: yandere!sylus, sylus x fem!reader, noncon, dubcon, drugging, kidnapping, tw vomit, sharp objects, forced breeding, forced pregnancy, drugged reader, stalking, pet names like kitten, sweetie, ownership, Xavier is trying to save you

AN: Hi all! Im SOO excited to be writing this. Its refreshing to add to the lack of yandere fics for the boys! I’m unsure if I will make this multi chaptered but if there’s enough demand I won’t want to disappoint! PLEASE read the tags. This is not for everyone, and if your sensitive to the topics that show up then I would advise skipping this story because I did not hold back and it only gets worse from here! (*^ ‿ <*)♡

Edit: If you're coming back to reread this and notice chapter one is different, no you aren't crazy! Its been completely rewritten with more dialogue and more scenes. Its also longer! Enjoy :)

"Good girl, keep chewing. Don't bite your tongue"

All you could mutter was a moan, unable to think straight in your drug hazed state. You managed to swallow. All you felt was warm heat radiating off of slightly pale flesh.

You blushed and planted your face in his neck.

Sylus put the fork down, amused by your affection. Getting up from the sofa in the room, he laid you down on his bed.

He began unbuckling his belt.

Read part 2, pt 3

You press your finger to the scanner outside your apartment door, the faint blue glow lighting up your fingerprint as it recognizes you. With a soft click, the lock disengages. A wide grin spreads across your face as you step inside, the day replaying in your head. Xavier. Xavier, of all people. You can hardly believe it. His sudden confession still rings in your ears, sending an excited shiver down your spine.

You hadn’t expected it at all. The night had started so normally. Xavier had asked you to accompany him on a late night food run, the air between you light and filled with that easy camaraderie you’d always shared. And then, without warning, he’d looked at you, really looked at you, and the words had tumbled out, almost like he couldn’t hold them back anymore.

“I like you,” he’d said, his voice steady but his eyes betraying a hint of nervousness. “I…I think I have for a while now. And I just…I thought you should know. I don't want to pretend to be just your friend anymore.”

For a moment, you’d been too stunned to respond, your brain short-circuiting as you tried to process what he’d just said. Xavier, the man who’d haunted your thoughts ever since you had joined UNICORNS, who you’d convinced yourself could never see you as more than a friend, had just confessed he liked you. It had felt surreal, like something out of a dream.

When you’d finally found your voice, you’d stammered out some kind of nervous response, your cheeks burning as you tried to keep your composure. But he’d just smiled, that small grin that always made your heart skip a beat, and you’d known he understood. The rest of the night had passed in a blur, his confession playing over and over in your mind.

His ash-blond hair, always well maintained, and those piercing blue eyes that always seemed to look straight through you—they’d haunted your thoughts for so long. And now, finally, after so much time agonizing over whether he felt the same, he’d just come out and said it. He likes me too.

You close the door behind you, leaning against it for a moment as your heart does a little flip. You want to scream, to laugh, to dance around your apartment. But first things first. You untie your shoes, fumbling slightly as you’re distracted by the memory of his smile, that faint blush on his cheeks when he spoke. But just as you’re about to pull the second shoe off, a sound stops you cold. A creak, faint but unmistakable, comes from somewhere in the corner of your apartment.

Your breath catches. You straighten up slowly, heart already starting to pound. It’s nothing. Probably just the building settling, you tell yourself. Don’t be paranoid. You take a deep breath and focus on your shoes again, setting them neatly by the door. But the moment you step into the kitchen, the unease creeps back in. The silence feels too heavy, pressing against your ears.

You grab a glass from the cabinet, pouring juice into it with trembling hands. The cool liquid against your lips does little to soothe your nerves. You take another sip, trying to shake off the tension, but then you hear it. Shuffling. Faint, deliberate, coming from your bedroom. This time, there’s no mistaking it.

The glass nearly slips from your hand as your body goes rigid. Your mind races. Someone’s in the apartment. Someone’s in the apartment. The thought hits you like ice water. Adrenaline surges through your veins, and you feel every beat of your heart like a drum against your ribs.

You glance around, eyes darting to the couch. You know what’s there. Your hand dips under the cushions, fingers wrapping around the cold, solid grip of your pistol. It’s not the first time you’ve been on edge living alone, but it’s the first time it’s felt like more than paranoia.

Gun in hand, you move silently toward the bedroom, each step deliberate, your breaths shallow. Don’t panic, you tell yourself. If there’s someone there, you’re ready. But no amount of mental preparation can stop the trembling in your legs as you approach the slightly ajar bedroom door. You push it open slowly, every nerve screaming, every muscle taut. With one swift movement, you dart into the room, gun raised, finger hovering over the trigger.

Nothing.

The room is empty. The bed, the corners, the shadows—all unoccupied. Only your large collection of plushies stare back at you. You lower the gun slightly, a nervous laugh bubbling up in your throat. God, you’re such an idiot. Scaring yourself over nothing.

Still, you can’t shake the feeling of being watched. You check the closet, under the bed. Nothing. Your shoulders relax a fraction. Okay. Fine. False alarm. You reach for your phone, instinctively wanting to text Xavier. But your hand comes up empty. Right. Left it in the kitchen.

You sigh and head back toward the kitchen, rolling your eyes at yourself. Paranoid. Just paranoid. But before you make it two steps out of the bedroom, arms wrap around you from behind, pulling you off your feet.

You scream, thrashing wildly, but the grip on you is unyielding. Panic floods every corner of your mind as you manage to kick backward, your heel connecting with a solid shin. A grunt of pain follows, and the arms loosen just enough for you to twist partially around, only to see another figure—a second assailant—moving toward you.

“Idiot! Boss said gently! Gently!” one of them hisses, his voice muffled and harsh.

“She’s fighting too much for gentle!” the other snaps. You’re screaming now, kicking and clawing, desperate to get free. But they’re too strong, their weight pressing down on you as you’re forced to the ground. You can barely breathe, the pressure on your chest crushing.

Your vision blurs as tears sting your eyes. Desperation claws at your throat. No. This can’t be happening. Fight. Keep fighting. But the second figure pulls something from his pocket, a white cloth, and your stomach drops. You know what’s coming.

“Now, now, miss,” he says, his voice mockingly soothing. “No need to make this harder than it has to be. This will all be over soon.”

You twist your head, trying to bite, to scream, anything to stop him. But the cloth is pressed over your mouth and nose. A sickly-sweet smell fills your senses, burning your throat and nose as you try to hold your breath. Your body bucks and writhes, every instinct screaming for oxygen, but the fight is draining out of you.

Your limbs grow heavy, your vision darkening around the edges. No. Not like this. Not like this. Xavier… His name flashes through your mind, a beacon of warmth in the suffocating cold. You try to hold onto it, to him, but it’s slipping away, drowning in the black void swallowing you whole.

The last thing you see is the gleaming black beaks of two bird-like masks staring down at you, swirling together in your vision until your ultimately consumed into darkness.

Sylus was not a man who entertained the idea of relationships. Such luxuries were foreign to him, out of reach for someone whose life was dictated by danger and unrelenting speed. Relationships required trust and time—two things Sylus had no room for. More importantly, they required vulnerability. And vulnerability in his world was a weakness that could and would be exploited.

Even if he allowed himself to care for someone, he knew the inevitable result. They’d become a target, a pawn in the high-stakes game he played daily. Snatched, ransomed, used, discarded. It was a cruel, predictable pattern. So, Sylus lived without attachments, surrounded by layers of calculated isolation.

The closest things he had to "trust" were Luke and Kieran, his most loyal henchmen. Their loyalty was borne of utility and mutually assured survival. And then there was Mephisto. The crow was his creation, a mechanical marvel with sharp instincts and unwavering obedience. Mephisto wasn’t just a tool—he was an extension of Sylus himself, flawless in execution and incapable of deceit. The bird’s artificial intelligence made him a reliable companion, though Mephisto’s disdain for being called a “pet” often brought a faint smirk to Sylus’s lips.

But even surrounded by this curated circle of functionality, there were moments when the solitude gnawed at Sylus. A faint, unspoken yearning that he buried deep. He didn’t have the luxury to dwell on it…until the day Mephisto’s surveillance captured something that unexpectedly caught his eye.

A man that had sold him a subpar protocore was hiding from him. Sylus had known from the start but sometimes he liked to play little games with his prey. He wanted to see if the man actually had the guts to lie to the leader of Onychinus. And lo and behold. Sylus could barely hold back a grin when shaking the man's hand to seal the deal, who was wistfully unaware of the torment to come his way in the next few days.

Sometimes, watching prey squirm before the inevitable reckoning brought a kind of satisfaction. This man would learn, as all his enemies did, that Sylus always collected his debts…and always in blood.

Mephisto tracked the target effortlessly, his mechanical eyes capturing every movement, every desperate attempt to evade Sylus’s reach. The feed was sharp, clinical, until something unexpected happened. The dealer collided with someone in the crowded streets of Linkon, sending their belongings scattering. She was extremely apologetic, helping pick up the scattered belongings he had dropped.

Sylus’s attention was immediately drawn to the woman the dealer had bumped into. She crouched swiftly, apologizing as she helped gather the scattered items. Her gestures were quick but deliberate, her expression earnest as she returned the belongings. The dealer sneered at her, grumbling something vulgar before storming off, but Sylus didn’t care about him anymore.

His eyes were locked on her.

This feeling.

Someone like her wouldn't have caught his attention normally. Simple clothes...a uniform? But there was something…something in the way she carried herself, in the way her lips quirked in a self-conscious smile after the encounter. Sylus couldn’t place the feeling that stirred within him, but it was foreign and intrusive, like a fragment of a dream he couldn’t quite recall.

But what he did know how to do, was gather information. He quickly directed Mephisto to follow his new "target".

“Mephisto,” he said softly, his voice cutting through the still air of his office. “Follow her.”

He would deal with that man later. This girl, this random, insignificant girl had caught his attention. And he would figure out why. He was very good at problem solving. This issue would be over soon. She was just another average Linkon citizen after all, she couldn't be that interesting. He would get bored soon.

The bird shifted focus immediately, trailing the woman with silent precision. Sylus leaned forward, his eyes narrowing as he scrutinized her every move. She walked with purpose, her steps quick but not hurried. There was an air of quiet determination about her that intrigued him.

He noted the uniform she was wearing once again, the puzzle pieces clicking in his head she approached a tall window filled building.

“Zoom in,” he murmured, his gaze locked on the insignia that gleamed faintly on her chest. The image sharpened, revealing the badge she had on her chest. Of course. She's apart of the infamous Hunter's Association.

With a few deft commands, Sylus accessed the Association’s data streams, pulling her name from the badge and cross-referencing it with everything he could find. The information flowed like water: her name, her division, her recent assignments. She was relatively new but already distinguished, working with one of the Association’s top teams. Impressive. Too impressive to be ordinary.

He couldn’t send Mephisto into the building, but it didn’t matter. He entertained himself by combing through her digital footprint, piecing together the puzzle of her life. Medical records, former addresses, archived conversations…he devoured it all. And yet, the more he learned, the more questions arose.

Mephisto signaled to him that she had left the building and he promptly turned his attention to his camera again. She walked out with a slightly bubbly, shorter haired girl. The pair were deeply engrossed in conversation before an ashy blonde fellow joined them and touched the girls arm.

“And this is...?” he muttered, his tone sharper than before. Mephisto, as if sensing the shift in his creator's mood, zoomed in on the man. Sylus studied the new arrival’s features: lean build, soft blue eyes, a demeanor that radiated comfort. It made Sylus’s skin crawl.

The trio parted ways with the shorter woman, and Sylus’s unease deepened as the man and the girl continued walking together. Their interactions were light, natural…intimate in a way that Sylus found intolerable. She laughed at something the man said, her hand brushing his shoulder briefly, and Sylus felt his stomach churn.

Were they going in the same direction?

This was once confirmed once they both got off at the same stop, walking the same path towards a set of shiny apartment buildings.

Sylus felt his jaw tighten. He wasn't sure why but seeing her this close to this soft gazed man was eliciting dangerous urges in him. The pair both went up the stairs, and out of his view.

It didn't matter. He would find your apartment number with ease. Even if it meant having Mephisto perched on the same tree branch for days. Sylus questioned his sanity for just a bit. Was he really getting this worked up over a woman he had simply happened to glance at? He closed his eyes before chuckling.

Yeah. This wasn't normal, no. But nothing about Sylus was ever normal anyways. Why would this be any different?

And so the following weeks were spent on nothing but you. He'd eventually mustered the courage to see you in person (at a distance of course) and watch you a few feet away. Your voice was even more beautiful in person. And the sounds you would make when trying new sweets elicited very...intense reactions in his lower groin. He watched you and your female coworker eating sweets at a bakery. You moaned in delight as you chewed a frosting covered pastry, a bit of the white frosting dribbling down your chin. You and your friend giggled as you wiped it up, all the while Sylus felt like he was about to burst in public.

How could a scene so innocent get him going so much?

"Oh! I have to go! I have a hair appointment! Bye Tara!"

You hurriedly hugged the girl before licking your fingers and sprinting off. Sylus quickly and quietly followed behind.

Eventually, Sylus found his way into your apartment during the hours he knew you were away on missions. It wasn’t to do anything overtly invasive—at least, that’s what he told himself. He simply wanted to get a more personal look into your life, to see the pieces of you that weren’t on display in the digital world. Yet, that resolve didn’t stop him from letting his fingers graze over your clothes as he rummaged through your wardrobe.

Your taste was exactly as he’d imagined from the fragments he’d seen on your socials: practical, yet tinged with understated personality. It spoke of someone who balanced strength and beauty effortlessly. Sylus made mental notes of everything before meticulously putting it all back, ensuring not a single trace of his presence remained. Still, he wasn’t blind to the toll it was taking on him. The more he thought about you, the more he allowed himself these stolen glimpses, the deeper his longing grew.

But reality loomed over him like a dark cloud. Courting you in any traditional sense was an impossibility. It was far too dangerous. The moment word spread that Sylus, leader of Onychinus, had someone he cared about—and someone with an Aether Core, no less—it would spell doom. You’d be taken, tortured, used against him, perhaps even killed. He couldn’t let that happen. The thought alone was enough to send a shiver of fury and fear down his spine.

And yet, your Aether Core only deepened his fascination. It felt like destiny, a sign that you were meant to be intertwined. Two halves, separated only by circumstance, waiting to be connected. Was it fate, or mere delusion? Sylus didn’t care anymore. He would have you. He had to. Even if it took drastic measures.

You would remain oblivious to his plans until the time was right. That was the strategy. Yet, fate had a way of undermining even the most meticulous schemes.

It happened at a grocery store. He’d let himself get too close, drawn by the magnetic pull of your presence. Standing among the frozen foods, his gaze lingered a moment too long. When you turned, catching sight of him, his heart leapt into his throat. He quickly averted his eyes, feigning interest in the nearest shelf. But it was too late.

“Are you following me?” you asked, your tone sharp, yet your eyes betraying curiosity as they flicked over him.

Sylus laughed, a calculated, disarming sound. “I’m merely going in the same direction,” he said, his voice calm and smooth. “I suppose that’s all it takes to catch a stalking charge these days?”

You blinked, caught off guard by his tone, and then a sheepish smile broke across your face. “Ah, sorry… I guess I’m just a little jumpy lately.” You laughed lightly and extended your hand. “I’m…”

I already know your name, he thought, but he swallowed the urge to say it. Instead, he grasped your hand briefly, his composure betraying none of the fire that sparked at your touch.

“Sylus,” he said simply, the word leaving his lips like a prayer. Your touch felt electric, almost painfully vivid against the chill of the freezer aisle.

“Well, Mr. Stalker, I’ll let you off the hook this time,” you joked lightly, bowing your head apologetically. “Have a good day.”

And just like that, you were gone, your cart rattling as you pushed it down the aisle. Sylus’s hand hovered for a moment, half-reaching toward you before he clenched it into a fist. He didn’t want you to leave. Not yet. Not ever.

But this wasn’t the time. He reminded himself of the preparations still unfinished. Soundproofing, enhanced security measures, tools. Every piece of the plan needed to be perfect before he could make his move.

Unfortunately, time seemed intent on working against him.

One night, while keeping Mephisto stationed at a distance to monitor your apartment, Sylus saw something that sent a fresh wave of rage through him. You descended the stairs with the ash-blond man from before—Xavier. The pair stopped to chat, their body language familiar, intimate. Immediately, Sylus’s jaw tightened, and he barked an order to Mephisto.

“Zoom in.”

The feed tightened, the grainy image sharpening. He could see the faint smile on Xavier’s face as he spoke to you.

“Shouldn’t you be asleep at this time? Why are we getting food now?” you asked, tilting your head slightly.

Xavier shrugged, his expression casual. “Didn’t get to eat today. Besides, I know you didn’t either. Makes sense to go together, right?”

Sylus’s stomach churned as he watched you laugh softly and adjust the zipper on your jacket. He could practically feel his pupils dilating as he watched the metal of the zipper run over the soft tissue of your breasts, covering them completely out of view.

“Yes, but…what did you want to tell me? Surely you don’t need to drag me all the way to a convenience store just for that,” you teased lightly.

“Two stops,” Xavier replied. “Food, and then the park. Then I’ll tell you. Deal?”

You sighed, a small smile tugging at your lips. “Always so mysterious,” you said.

Sylus’s mind raced. He wasn’t a fool; he knew what this was. A ploy. A ploy to get you alone, to plant some foolish idea of romance in your head. The thought of Xavier touching you, of drawing you closer, ignited something feral inside Sylus.

He clenched his fist, his gaze hardening. Enough.

“Luke. Kieran,” he called, his voice cold and commanding as he stood and reached for his coat. “Prepare the items I requested. It’s time.”

Your heart pounds violently in your chest, the sound roaring in your ears as you jolt awake. Your head feels like it’s been split in two, the throbbing pain making it impossible to think clearly. Colors and shapes swirl chaotically behind your eyelids, the remnants of a dream that slips further away the harder you try to grasp it. Groaning in pain, you turn your head slightly, every movement sending shockwaves through your stiff muscles.

“Tylenol,” you mutter weakly, your voice barely audible and raw. Your tongue feels heavy in your mouth, and your throat is dry. The thought of the medicine—normally stashed in your bathroom—pulls you into action. You push yourself to sit up, the sheets tangled around you. Your limbs feel sluggish, your coordination off, but you manage to shuffle toward the edge of the bed. As you stretch out a hand to steady yourself, your fingers collide with something…cold. And fleshy.

“Wasn’t expecting you to be so handsy so soon, sweetie,” a deep voice says, smooth and laced with teasing amusement.

Your breath catches in your throat. A scream bursts from you as you jerk away instinctively, the adrenaline coursing through your veins propelling you off the bed. You crash to the floor, the sharp pain of the impact radiating through your hip and shoulder. Dazed, you try to crawl backward, your hands scrabbling against the smooth, cold surface of the floor.

Before you can get far, strong hands wrap around your arms, lifting you effortlessly as if you weigh nothing. You thrash against the grip, your instincts screaming at you to fight, to escape.

“Hey, calm down, honey. You’re going to hurt yourself,” the voice says again, calm and steady, but there’s an edge of command beneath the surface that makes your skin crawl.

“No! Stop! Let me go! Get out of my apartment!” you cry out, your voice breaking as your vision blurs with tears. You blink furiously, desperate to clear your eyes, desperate to see who’s holding you. Slowly, your surroundings begin to come into focus, and what you see makes your stomach twist with dread.

This isn’t your apartment.

The walls are black, their sleek surface reflecting the faint glow of the dim lights overhead. Heavy drapes hang from tall windows, blocking out any view of the outside world. Modern and sleek decor adorns the room: dark, ornate furniture with intricate carvings, sharp angles, and cold surfaces. The air smells faintly of something rich and unfamiliar, like expensive leather and faint traces of cologne. Everything about the space radiates power, wealth, and menace, a stark difference to your cozy and simple decor at home.

The arms around you loosen, and you’re placed carefully back on your feet. You stumble, pressing yourself instinctively against the nearest wall as you turn to face the man who’d spoken.

He’s very tall, his figure casting an imposing shadow in the low light. His sharp features are striking, almost too perfect, giving him an air of something inhuman. White hair with grey undertones falls just above his ears, framing a face that’s both elegant and cruel in its beauty. His eyes…they’re the worst part. Piercing and a crimson red, they seem to see through you, like a predator sizing up its prey.

“W-who the hell are you?” you demand, your voice trembling despite your best efforts to sound strong. Fear claws at your chest, making your breathing shallow and quick.

He tilts his head slightly, his gaze never leaving yours. “Sylus,” he says simply, as if that single word answers everything. His voice is low, smooth, and unhurried, each syllable dripping with confidence.

“Where am I?! Where am I??”

Sylus takes a measured step closer, and you press harder against the wall, your palms flat against its cool surface. He notices your reaction but doesn’t stop. If anything, his smirk widens slightly, his amusement barely concealed.

“You’ve had a rough night,” he says, his tone almost soothing. “You should sit down before you hurt yourself again.”

You shake your head frantically, your heart hammering against your ribs. “No. I’m not sitting down. I don’t even know where I am or why you’re…” You trail off, your eyes darting around the room, desperately trying to piece together some explanation. The ornate furniture, the oppressive darkness, the sheer opulence of the space… none of it makes sense. Finally, you force the words out: “This is your place, isn’t it?”

Sylus nods, his expression unreadable. “You catch on quickly.”

“Why am I here?” you repeat, your voice rising as panic floods your senses. The weight of your fear feels suffocating, pressing down on you with every passing second.

His smirk grows sharper, a glint of something dangerous flickering in his eyes. “Because you belong here sweetie.”

His words hit you like a blow, the weight of them sending another wave of terror through you. Your mind races, searching desperately for a way out, for some chance to escape. But Sylus doesn’t move, his dark gaze fixed on you like a predator savoring the moment before the kill.

You’re trapped, and every instinct in your body screams for you to run, even as you realize there’s nowhere to go.

Then it all comes flooding back. The grocery store. The sharp, piercing eyes that seemed to linger too long. The white hair framing a face you couldn’t have possibly forgot. Your heart sinks as you connect the dots.

“It’s you,” you whisper, your voice trembling. “You were there, at the grocery store.”

Sylus tilts his head, the faintest flicker of amusement playing across his features. “You’re sharper than I thought,” he says. “Yes, we’ve met…though I’m sure you’ll agree this setting is far more…intimate.”

You feel your stomach twist in disgust, more tears beginning to pour from your face as you tremble,

“So…you were following me,” you whisper, the words trembling as they spill out. Then, louder, you scream, “I knew it! I fucking knew it… you sick fuck!”

In a desperate bid for escape, you lunge toward the bedroom door. But before you can reach it, a cold, red mist envelops your body. Your momentum is halted midair as the mist tightens around you like an unbreakable grip. A startled yelp escapes your lips as you’re lifted effortlessly and set gently back onto the bed. You twist and thrash against the invisible force, but it’s no use.

Sylus moves with unhurried precision, climbing onto the bed and pinning you down with his weight. His hands grip your wrists, pressing them firmly against the mattress and above your head. His face hovers close, a small smile playing on his lips as he watches you struggle beneath him.

“No need for such vulgarities, sweetie,” he says softly, his voice calm but with an undeniable edge of control. His hand moves to your face, brushing away the tears streaming down your cheeks. “I’m not here to hurt you.”

His words feel like a mockery, their gentleness only amplifying the terror gripping you. You try to twist away, your heart racing as his red eyes bore into yours, unyielding and unrelenting.

This power…you’ve never seen an Evol quite like it. The mist that held you, the way he’s able to keep you restrained without even breaking a sweat—it’s terrifying. The strength in his grip feels unmovable, like you’re struggling against solid rock. Your voice cracks as you demand, “What do you want from me?!”

You thrash harder, pouring every ounce of strength into breaking free, but it’s futile. Sylus doesn’t even flinch. If anything, he seems amused by your attempts.

“You’ve always been meant to be with me,” he says, his voice low and steady, as if explaining a universal truth. “By circumstance, we were kept apart. But none of that truly matters now.”

His grip tightens slightly, grounding you to the bed as he leans in closer. “We’re together now. Don’t fret. I’ll take care of you.”

Your mind races, a torrent of thoughts crashing together in chaotic waves. Always meant to be? The absurdity of his words claws at your sanity. How could someone you’ve never known—never even spoken to—believe something so delusional? Panic flares again as his words settle deeper, the full weight of their meaning pressing against your chest like a suffocating fog.

“You’re insane,” you hiss through gritted teeth, your voice trembling with fear and defiance. “We’re not meant to be anything! I don't even know you! Let me go!”

Sylus shakes his head, a low chuckle rumbling in his chest. “I know change is hard. In time, you’ll understand.” His gaze softens, but it’s not comforting. It’s the gaze of a predator, satisfied with its catch. “This is overwhelming for you, but just trust me."

Before you can voice another protest, Sylus leans down suddenly, his lips crashing against yours in an abrupt and unwelcome kiss. The sensation is overwhelming, his grip unyielding as he presses you into the mattress. Your body stiffens instinctively, and a wave of revulsion washes over you. The intimacy feels like an invasion, every fiber of your being recoiling at the unwelcome touch.

His lips are warm, firm, tender with a possessive force that makes your skin crawl. Your mind screams in protest, a cacophony of fear, anger, and disgust that drowns out all rational thought. The coppery tang of blood fills your mouth as you bite down hard, desperate to sever the connection.

Sylus pulls back slightly, and for a moment you see it—a flicker of darkness in his expression, an almost imperceptible crack in his composure. The bloodied mark on his lip stands stark against his pale skin, but he doesn’t flinch. Instead, his eyes meet yours, sharp and cold, with a faint glimmer of something unspoken.

He raises a hand slowly, brushing his fingers over the mark as though testing its reality. Then, his gaze darkens, amusement fading into something more dangerous. The corners of his mouth curl into a faint smirk, though it no longer holds even a trace of warmth.

“You’re feisty, kitten” he murmurs, his voice low and controlled, but with an edge that sends a fresh wave of terror through you. “But I wouldn’t keep testing me. This…resistance?” He leans in closer, his breath hot against your ear. “It won’t get you anywhere.”

Tears sting your eyes as you glare up at him, trembling with equal parts fear and fury. “Just let me go,” you spit through gritted teeth, your voice shaking but defiant. “I’ll never—”

His finger presses gently against your lips, silencing you with unnerving ease. “Hush, honey” he says, his tone soft but carrying the weight of unspoken command. “Just lay still and behave."

Confusion grips you as his words hang in the air, their meaning slowly dawning with horrifying clarity. His hand moves to the hem of your shirt, lifting it slightly. A wave of dread crashes over you, threatening to drown you. No…no, he’s not going to…he can’t be serious. No!

“Stop!” you scream, your voice cracking as panic surges through you. “No! No! Please, stop!” You thrash violently, every muscle in your body straining as you kick and twist in his unyielding grip. “Please, I’ll do whatever you want—just don’t—”

Your pleas are met with silence, his focus unbroken, his grip like iron. His eyes focused, yet amused, as though your outburst is just a silly tantrum. He continues, undeterred, his hands steady as he unbuckles the buttons of your pants. “This is what I want,” he says, his tone as calm as if he were discussing the weather.

Your heart pounds erratically, terror clouding your thoughts. The room feels suffocating, the air too thick to breathe. Think. Think! Your mind races, desperate for something—anything—to stop him. Then, an idea strikes, reckless and impulsive, but it’s all you have.

You gather all the spit you can muster, clenching your jaw, and hurl it directly at his face. The saliva splatters across his cheek, glistening in the dim light. Time seems to freeze as you watch for his reaction, your breath caught in your throat.

His hand stills, his entire body going unnervingly still. Slowly, deliberately, he raises a hand to his face, wiping the saliva away with a measured swipe. His movements are unnervingly calm, controlled, as though he isn’t furious—but you know better. His lips curl slightly, and then he chuckles. It’s a low, rumbling sound, one that vibrates through the air like distant thunder.

The chuckle deepens, growing into a full, genuine laugh that echoes through the room. It’s unsettling—wrong. You stare at him, confused, your heart pounding as fear knots your stomach. Why is he laughing? The sound is too real, too unguarded, like he’s genuinely amused.

Finally, the laughter subsides. He straightens, towering over you with that same unsettling smirk tugging at his lips. His eyes are sharp, glinting with something you can’t place. Slowly, he leans down, his face inches from yours. You freeze, unsure whether to lash out again or flee. Before you can decide, his lips meet yours again.

The kiss is deliberate and slow, a mockery of tenderness that sends a shudder of revulsion through you. His breath is warm against your skin, his movements calculated, like he’s savoring the act. You remain stiff beneath him, your mind screaming in protest as your body betrays you, locked in place by terror.

When he finally pulls back, his smirk remains, though his eyes darken slightly. “I’ll let it go,” he murmurs, his voice smooth and calm, but with an edge that sends chills down your spine. “This time.”

He straightens, his presence still looming as he towers above you. “Food will be ready soon,” he says, almost casually, before turning away, leaving you trembling, breathless, and more terrified than before.

Sylus watched you from across the room, the faint smile on his lips betraying none of the thoughts swirling in his mind. He realized, with a hint of satisfaction, that you weren’t weak. It pleased him in a way. Breaking down someone strong was far more satisfying than toying with the feeble. He had learned that much throughout the years. But breaking you down was necessary, bit by bit, until he could mold you into something entirely his.

It wasn’t really control he wanted. No, there was something deeper, something that he buried beneath layers of cynicism and cruelty. Sylus wanted a family. The idea of a child, a creation of him and someone he loved, had lingered in the back of his mind for years. He’d resigned himself to the impossibility of it—his life, his enemies, his choices made it a fool’s dream.

But then he had seen you.

Following you, studying you, uncovering every detail of your life had planted the seed. You were everything he could want: resilient, intelligent, beautiful. The more he watched, the more his desire solidified into something almost obsessive. A child…with you. The mere image of you with a swollen belly, pregnant with his baby, panting in whining underneath him as he thrusted deep into you was enough to make him excited. The thought gnawed at him, sweet and insistent, until he couldn’t ignore it anymore. But he knew it wouldn’t be easy. Nothing worth having ever was.

The first real challenge came when you refused to eat or drink. Sylus had ordered his chefs to prepare the finest meals: delicacies from every corner of the world, plated and presented with meticulous care. Yet, you rejected it all. You sat in the corner of his room, sobbing and shivering, your defiance evident in every tremble of your body.

At first, he tried to force it. He held the food to your lips, his patience fraying as you turned away, your sobs breaking the silence. And when he did manage to get you to swallow, you vomited it back up almost immediately, your body rejecting his attempts as violently as your will.

“Alright,” he sighed, his voice cold, masking the frustration and the faint pang of something else—guilt, perhaps. “Have it your way.”

He stopped pushing, but he didn’t stop providing. Every meal, a plate was prepared and set in the room alongside his own. He would sit at his chair, eating with deliberate ease, his gaze occasionally flickering to where you huddled. He said nothing, made no effort to coax you. But he knew. He was patient. The long game was his specialty.

And slowly, it worked. Day by day, he saw the toll it took on you. Your movements grew slower, your defiance quieter. The strength that had burned in your eyes began to dim, replaced by the hollow shadows of exhaustion. It was only a matter of time. It worried him, your worsening state. He even begun to question whether you would be determined enough to actually starve to death. Not that he would ever actually let you.

That moment came when you finally crawled to him. It was agonizing to watch—your frail form dragging itself across the floor, every inch a struggle. Sylus’s chest tightened, a pang of something raw and painful blooming within him. He wanted to rush to you, to lift you up and hold you, to soothe the trembling wreck you had become. But he didn’t. Instead, he remained seated, feigning indifference, his eyes never leaving you.

When you finally reached him, your voice was a fragile whisper. “Okay…you win. Please. Food. Water.”

Inwardly, he smiled. Outwardly, he remained composed, but instead of motioning to the untouched plate, he lifted it himself and placed it on his lap. He carefully cut a small piece of the salmon and held the fork out toward you. “Go ahead, kitten,” he said softly, his voice calm but laced with a tender insistence, as if coaxing a skittish animal.

For a bit you didn’t move, just staring blankly at him. He chuckled before motioning the food towards your mouth again.

His movements were slow and deliberate, almost gentle. “You look worse for wear,” he murmured, his tone softening further as his gaze locked onto yours. “You need your strength. Let me take care of you.”

You blinked, confused, before you weakly whispered, “I…I can do it…” But your arms barely moved, your body trembling from exhaustion.

“Clearly, you can’t,” he replied smoothly, brushing a lock of your disheveled hair aside. “Now, open.”

Hesitating, you finally relented, your lips parting slowly as you allowed him to guide the fork to your mouth. The taste of the salmon was exquisite, perfectly seasoned, but it was overshadowed by the surreal intimacy of the moment. His hand lingered near your chin as you chewed, his gaze steady but strangely warm, as though he truly believed you’d shatter at any second.

“That’s it,” he murmured encouragingly. “See? It’s not so bad.”

Sylus watched you intently, cutting another piece with meticulous care before offering it to you. “Now swallow,” he said softly, his voice filled with an unnerving tenderness.

You obliged in weak silence, each bite fed to you with deliberate care. Your body, too weak to resist, obeyed out of necessity, and yet his lingering touches—his hand brushing your cheek, the way his eyes softened with each bite—left you unsettled.

Little did you know, the food had been altered.. Rohypnol, a common date rape drug, slipped into the delicate glaze on the salmon. He saw the moment it began to take effect—your movements slowed, your blinking grew heavy, and your body swayed slightly. Your chewing began to falter. You didn’t even realize what was happening as the sleepiness crept over you like a warm, suffocating blanket.

Sylus leaned forward, his gaze softening as he whispered, "Good girl, keep chewing. Don't bite your tongue"

All you could mutter was a moan, unable to think straight in your drug hazed state. You managed to swallow. All you felt was warm heat radiating off of slightly pale flesh. You blushed and planted your face in his neck.

Sylus put the fork down, amused by your affection. Getting up from the sofa in the room, he laid you down on his bed.

He began unbuckling his belt.

You were rendered completely helpless to his advances now. You didn't protest when he removed your shirt, didn't squirm when your pants and underwear came off. He felt almost breathless as the sight of your pristine cunt came into view, already beginning to glisten with your slickness. You whined as he began to circle your hardening nipples, and practically squealed when he put one his mouth, swirling around it with his tongue.

You were just divine. In every way. Your body, the sounds you made. Even despite the weight loss, you were beautiful. You looked up at him with beady and glazed over eyes as he finished removing his own pants, his hardened cock coming to your view.

"I..don...feel well.." you muttered, closing your eyes and weakly moaning to yourself as he lined up against you.

"I know sweetie, this won't take long I promise. Just lay there okay?" he said, pulling a nearby pillow over to better support your head.

He rubbed his tip against your entrance a few times but Sylus's control snapped, his need for you overwhelming any restraint. With a low growl, he pushed into you, his body claiming yours in swift act of possession. The sensation of being filled, of his hardness stretching you, caused your body to shiver, and you arched to meet him, your hands gripping the sheets as you welcomed him.

His senses flooded with pleasure as he sank deep within you, your wetness enveloping him, your body accommodating his size with a tightness that drove him wild. It was almost like you were made for him. He paused, his breath ragged, savoring the moment before he began to move, his thrusts slow and deliberate, each one eliciting a sleepy moan from your lips. By the way you seemed to be tightening and untightening around him, you were clearly already close.

"You feel so good," he groaned, his voice strained. "Fuck...even better than I imagined."

His words were a plea, a surrender to the pleasure you both were experiencing. As he moved within you, his pace quickening, your bodies became a symphony of skin on skin, your moans and his grunts filling the room in a primal chorus. The morality of the situation seemed to fade into insignificance as you both succumbed to the raw, unadulterated pleasure of the moment, your bodies moving as one.

He wanted a baby in your womb.

His baby.

As Sylus's thrusts quickened, his control began to unravel even further, his body moving with an urgency that matched the escalating pleasure. Your body responded in kind, your hips rising to meet his, your legs weakly wrapping around his waist, pulling him deeper into the cradle of your thighs. The room echoed with the sounds of your pleasure—your breathy moans, his guttural grunts, the wet, slick sounds of flesh meeting flesh.

"Mghn...ah..." you whined out, your voice hoarse, your body on the precipice of climax. It wasn't too long before you began to shake and pulse around his length, coming undone with a symphony of even loader moans and whines. It was like music to Sylus's ears, and enough to begin his own undoing. He gripped you firmly, shoving himself as deep as he would go as waves of hot semen began to shoot into your womb, only releasing you when he felt he had no more to give.

He sat up a little more, staring down at your sweat stricken body. You hadn't opened your eyes at all, now clearly dosing off into slumber. He smiled, eyes turning down to see that some of his semen was beginning to slip out of you. He was quick to catch what he could, and gently scoop it back inside.

Soon. Just a few more times of this tonight, and he would repeat the process tomorrow. And the next day. And however long it took. He wasn't a monster. He was doing this with purpose. Even if things had to be a little hard right now, it would all be worth it in the end.

You were starting to catch on. The food, the water…something wasn’t right. Each time you ate or drank, the same unsettling pattern unfolded. Your eyelids grew heavy, your thoughts muddled, and then…nothing. You’d wake up hours later with a pounding headache and a vague, gnawing ache between your legs. The lack of concrete evidence was maddening, but the suspicion burned at the edges of your mind, refusing to be silenced. You couldn't find any traces of...that. Were you just going crazy?

With time, you regained some of your strength. The helplessness that had once consumed you began to ebb, replaced by a simmering defiance. You were no longer the trembling figure huddled in the corner. You spoke less, but your gaze carried fire again. Sylus noticed, of course. He always did. It was impossible to hide anything from him for long.

One evening, he brought you dinner and a glass of water, just as he always did. The spread was exquisite—pan-seared duck, roasted vegetables, and a fine wine reduction drizzled over the plate. He set it down in front of you and waited, his piercing eyes fixed on you.

You hesitated, the now-familiar unease creeping into your chest. Then, you decided to test the waters. “Is there…bottled water?” you asked, your voice steady but your pulse racing.

Sylus’s brow arched slightly, his lips twitching into a faint smirk. “Bottled?” he repeated, amusement lacing his tone. “Why?”

You shrugged, trying to appear casual. “The tap water tastes…off. Weird.”

He chuckled softly, shaking his head. “The tap water here is the purest you’ll find. It shouldn’t taste weird.” His tone shifted, growing firmer. “Now eat.”

The command stung, his dismissal of your concern fueling the anger bubbling inside you. You glared at the plate, but you didn't comply. The taste of the food, once a source of faint comfort, now made your stomach queasy anyways.

Before he could start eating, Sylus’s phone buzzed. He stood, glancing at the screen before answering with a clipped, “Yes?” His voice, usually measured and calm, held a note of irritation. “And you need me to come down why? You two can handle him.” There was a pause, followed by an exasperated sigh. “Fine. Be there soon.”

Sylus hung up and turned back to you, his expression unreadable. “I’ll be back shortly,” he said, his voice void of warmth as he left the room. He was clearly irritated.

The second he was gone, your heart raced. This is it. You glanced at his plate, untouched and pristine. Your suspicions flared. If he was drugging you, this was the chance to prove it. Quickly, you switched the plates, swapping yours with his. If he ate it and succumbed, you’d finally have the upper hand. Freedom dangled tantalizingly before you, so close you could almost taste it.

Moments later, Sylus returned, his dark coat trailing behind him as he resumed his seat. His gaze flicked briefly to the plate before he picked up his utensils, cutting into the meat with precision. You watched him, your nerves a live wire as he lifted the fork to his lips.

But then he stopped.

Setting the fork down slowly, Sylus tilted his head, his eyes locking onto yours. His expression remained calm, but there was a faint edge of mockery in his smirk. “I’m honestly impressed,” he said, his voice low and smooth, each word deliberate. “But I’m a bit offended you think I’d fall for such a simple trick.”

Your stomach dropped, dread flooding your veins.

He leaned back slightly, his fingers steepled as his gaze bore into you. “You know how many times someone’s attempted to drug or poison me, sweetie?” His smirk widened, the darkness in his eyes deepening. “You’re going to have to try harder than that.”

You break into a nervous sweat, the panic bubbling over. How could he have possibly known? But it did confirm one thing. Your voice wavers with a mix of rage and fear as you growl, “So…you have been drugging me! I knew it!”

Slamming your fist on the table, your whole body shakes with the weight of your anger. The thought of what he’s been doing to you sends your mind spiraling, but you shove it down, refusing to let yourself break in front of him.

Sylus, however, remains completely unaffected. His expression doesn’t shift as he simply switches the plates back and cuts another bite of his food.

“Eat, kitten,” he says, his tone firm, commanding. “I won’t ask again.”

That nickname—it ignites a fire of fury in your chest. You’ve tolerated so much, but this, this is too much. The rage surges, hot and unrelenting.

“Don’t…call me that!” you scream, the words tearing from your throat as you shove the plate off the table with a sharp motion. The food tumbles to the floor, the glass of water follows, shattering into countless jagged pieces that scatter across the room.

The sound echoes, loud and jarring, slicing through the tension like a blade. You freeze, staring at the mess you’ve created, your breath caught in your throat as the reality of your actions sinks in. The anger begins to fade, replaced by a creeping wave of fear as Sylus’s eyes narrow, his expression unreadable. The room grows oppressively silent, the sound of your rapid breathing the only thing filling the void.

“Maybe I’ve been too nice to you,” Sylus says plainly, his voice calm but bleeding with anger. The subtle shift in his tone sends a chill down your spine. You freeze, the realization hitting you like a freight train—there was no getting away with an outburst today.

“Wait…I’m sorry,” you say shakily, your voice trembling as you crouch down, reaching for the shattered glass. “I’ll clean it up. I’m so, so—”

Before you can finish, his hand snaps out, grabbing your arm in a vice-like grip and yanking you roughly back to your feet. A sharp cry escapes your lips as pain shoots through your arm. You struggle, his grip unwavering, and then you notice it—the birth control implant bulging against your skin where his fingers dig in.

“Don’t bother,” he growls, his tone as cold as his touch.

“Ow! My birth control!” you scream, tears springing to your eyes as you try to pry his hand away. His movements falter for the briefest moment, his grip loosening slightly as confusion flickers across his face. He lets go, his crimson eyes narrowing as they focus on your arm. Carefully, he turns it over, his fingers probing the area until the faint, hard line of the implant becomes apparent beneath your skin.

A dark realization dawns on him, and his expression hardens. “You didn’t tell me about this,” he mutters, more to himself than to you. His voice carries a hint of accusation. “No wonder it wasn’t working.”

“What? What wasn’t working?” you exclaim, your voice rising as panic grips you. You try to yank your arm away, but his hold tightens again, his gaze never leaving the implant. The intensity in his eyes makes your stomach twist into knots.

“This needs to come out,” he states flatly, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

“No! No, no, no,” you stammer, your voice breaking as you shiver violently. “It’s fine! It’s probably expiring soon anyway, I think! Please, just leave it!”

The weight of his words sinks in, barely giving you time to process what he means. He wants you to carry his child. The thought sends your mind reeling, a sickening blend of fear and disbelief twisting through you. Your breaths come quicker, your chest tight as the reality of your situation settles heavily over you.

Sylus doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, he looks up, meeting your panicked gaze. His eyes soften slightly, though not with kindness—it’s more like exasperation, as though this little implant was a major obstacle. He sighs, his grip easing but not releasing.

“You’re making this very difficult for me,” he says, his voice low and measured. The subtle edge of irritation only makes his words more chilling. You can’t tell what’s running through his mind, but the uncertainty is enough to make your knees tremble.

“All you have to do is sit around looking pretty, have my children, and you’d have everything you could ever wish for,” he says, his voice calm and almost conversational. “Is that truly so hard?” He doesn’t even look at you directly, his gaze distant, as if the answer were obvious.

You can't even speak. Have his what? You don't even know this man. You don't even want to be here. He sounds absolutely insane.

He calmly glances down at the floor, his eyes settling on the largest shard of glass among the shattered remains. Your heart drops as dread floods your senses. When his hand reaches out for the shard, you thrash violently, using every ounce of strength you can muster to pull away from his grip.

“Sylus! Please!” you cry, your voice breaking. “I can get it removed! Don’t-!”

But your protests are cut short as he produces a cloth from his pocket and presses it firmly over your mouth. The fabric muffles your screams, your muffled cries reverberating against the walls as he backs you against the bed. Your knees buckle, and you collapse backward onto the plush mattress. Before you can scramble to your feet, he is on top of you, his weight pressing you down. His Evol snakes out, an ominous red mist that coils around you, pinning your arms and keeping your struggling body firmly in place.

Panic consumes you as he leans in, his shadow looming over your trembling form. He holds the shard of glass delicately, almost reverently, examining its sharp tip as though weighing its utility.

His gaze flickers to your terrified expression for a moment, and then he does something that makes your stomach turn. He presses a quick, chillingly gentle kiss to your forehead.

“Be still, sweetie,” he says, his voice deceptively soft. “I’m doing this for us.”

Before you can even react, he lowers the shard of glass to your arm, pressing its tip lightly but firmly against your skin, right over the implant. The pressure sends a bolt of pain through you, tears streaming down your face as the room spins around you.

You scream.

He cuts.

[redvexillum]

"EPISODE 5 ISN'T A RAGATHA EPISO--"

So I just finished watching Episodes 4 and 5 of The Amazing Digital Circus for the third time because I’ve clearly given my life to this show and Gooseworx owns my soul. Genuinely, what phenomenal writing. I've seen mixed reception for episode five but I’m thrilled that the majority of the fandom can agree this episode was amazing. Because that means I can scream with all you FunnyBunny shippers and dedicated emotional wrecks alike.

Now. Let me get into why Episode 5 wasn’t just a Jax episode (though it very much was)—but why it was, at its core, Ragatha’s episode. This is gonna be long and laced with “am I overthinking this?” moments. Buckle up.

WHO IS RAGATHA?

When we first meet her in Episode One, she’s nice. Incredibly kind. Super peppy. But there's this teeny-tiny crack in that candy coating. She spirals, just a little, and we see a nervous, anxious edge slipping through her “positive vibes only” persona.

And that spiral? It’s not a one-time thing. It gets worse. The deeper you go into the series, the more you notice how her overbearing positivity feels less like optimism and more like a coping mechanism. A weaponized smile. She’s not just trying to cheer everyone up, she’s gaslighting herself into believing she has to be happy. She has to be likable. That it’s the only way she’ll be accepted.

And in the Digital Circus, where identity is shredded (like you forget your name for fuck's sakes) and everything’s performative? That’s not just sad...it’s devastating.

EPISODE 4: THE CRACKS BEGIN TO SHOW

Episode Four set the entire foundation. When Ragatha gets “stupid sauce” in her eyes and all her emotional filters drop, you finally see her. She stops curating how she’s perceived and just exists...and what comes out? She reminisces of her life (which gets confirmed in Episode 5). Gangle tries to warn her she might get hurt, and her response is almost eerie in how casually she brushes it off.

Sure, it could be a nod to Raggedy Ann and all that doll-abuse lore, but when you learn about Ragatha’s real past: abusive, narcissistic mother, high-society pressure cooker upbringing...that “hurt” starts feeling very literal. Maybe this line wasn’t just random doll humor. Maybe it’s a whisper of childhood trauma, manifesting through a false smile.

And then comes the Gloink Queen. The way Ragatha lights up at the idea of a mother who genuinely cherishes every single one of her hundreds of children? I fucking felt that. It wasn’t just admiration; it was longing. Desperation. Like she never got that kind of love growing up, so the concept itself is intoxicating. It’s this quiet heartbreak that adds a whole new layer to her need for approval.

She hates Jax. Let’s be real. He antagonizes her constantly, pushes every one of her buttons (he literally threw her in a goddamn vat of boiling oil for fucks sakes). But the part that wrecks me? She doesn’t want him to hate her. Not because she likes him, but because anyone disliking her is unbearable. Being disliked means she failed. Means she’s unworthy. Means she’s alone.

That’s why her facade, this grinning, chipper armour? It's everything. And the more we see of her, the more we understand that it’s crumbling.

I NEED YOU ALL TO LOCK THIS SCENE INTO YOUR BRAINS, OKAY? Because this exact emotional thread gets replayed like a broken record all throughout Episode Five. It’s not just a one-off moment, it’s the theme. The cast knows Ragatha’s cheer is fake. And honestly? It makes sense. They’ve been stuck together for who-knows-how-long, and you learn a lot about someone in that kind of nightmare.

But here’s the thing: when someone keeps pushing toxic positivity, constantly trying to “cheer you up” without actually listening, it doesn’t help. It hurts. It makes the person reaching out feel like they’re talking to a wall. Ragatha so badly wants people to open up to her, but she’s terrified of doing the same in return, and that’s where the entire disconnect lies. She’s hyper-aware of how she’s perceived. Her self-image is a prison. And at the core of it all?

Rejection.

Her biggest, ugliest, most soul-deep fear. Because rejection leads to isolation. And isolation? Leads straight back to the kind of loneliness she probably drowned in as a child.

Now, you're probably wondering: why am I still going off about Episode Four when I promised this was a breakdown of Episode Five?

Because Episode Four is the breadcrumb trail. It's the soft warning. The writer’s subtle little “hey, pay attention to her” moment. It’s the appetizer. It preps us, emotionally and narratively, for the main course of Episode Five, where Ragatha's carefully-constructed image begins to crack and we finally, finally, start to understand the full scope of her trauma.

Let’s address the big criticism real quick: a lot of people think this was a Jax-centric episode. And I get it. Jax got depth, growth, actual backstory. But here’s my take: Jax and Ragatha are each other’s foils.

One is warm, soft-spoken, always smiling, but secretly repressing everything real.

The other is brash, rude, antagonistic—but when he opens up? He’s real. He’s genuine.

They’ve been clashing since Episode One, and their dynamic works because they’re mirrors: distorted, but parallel.

Why was using Jax as Ragatha’s foil so brilliant? Because it does two huge things. First, it finally shows us Jax as a person instead of just telling us he’s a dick with a smile. But more importantly?

It amplifies Ragatha.

A foil, by definition, is a character who highlights the traits of another character by contrasting with them. And what better way to show Ragatha’s entire internal collapse than by placing her beside someone who, while difficult and abrasive, actually manages to connect with someone else?

Because as Jax grows closer to Pomni, the very connection Ragatha has been chasing since Day One, it throws Ragatha’s failures into painful high-def. She’s tried everything. She’s been kind, supportive, the “good friend.” And yet, it’s not her Pomni opens up to. It’s not her Pomni laughs with.

And that is why Episode Five is a Ragatha episode. Maybe not in the obvious, center-stage way. But in the subtle, devastating unraveling that plays out just beneath the surface.

Now, let’s talk receipts. I’ve got observations, breakdowns, and repeat viewings of Episodes Four and Five loaded and ready.

I don’t know if it was a deliberate artistic choice or just an organic part of the scene composition, but I can’t not point out how telling it is that the characters are all paired off: Jax and Pomni, Kinger with Zooble and Gangle, and yet Ragatha? She’s standing off in the distance. Alone. Isolated. Visibly excluded from every natural dynamic.

And I really want to believe that was purposeful. A quiet visual cue for us, the audience, to understand not just the social dynamics of the group, but how deeply disconnected Ragatha truly is from the others.

Honestly, I think this was the moment her carefully held-together mask started to split. The start of the spiral. Go back to the earlier episodes and you’ll start noticing it: Ragatha drops a lot of sharp, snarky comments. Some subtle. Some cutting. Whether intentional or not, those little moments are emotional leaks. She drops her filter more often around Jax, which makes sense, she hates him. She doesn’t bother hiding it. But the fact that her snark surfaces at all tells us something: the mask is slipping.

Think about Episode One, when Ragatha spirals, it’s visceral. It’s raw and disturbing in a way the others’ breakdowns just… aren’t. Why? Because for Ragatha, cracking isn’t just about stress or fear. It’s about exposing something she’s worked so hard to hide: her real, “ugly,” human feelings. She’s repressed them for so long, forced herself to smile through it all, because she believes that if she isn’t likable, if she isn’t “good,” she’ll be abandoned.

And now? That bottle’s starting to shake.

I'll circle back to this moment when I dive into the bar scene later (because oof—there’s so much there), but let’s keep things chronological for now.

Right after Ragatha leaves, Jax drops a line on Pomni: “[She] is taking advantage of you.” And it hits especially hard because just before that, Gangle told Pomni she didn’t think Ragatha was genuine. That? That’s when the discomfort surrounding Ragatha starts to really take shape.

Here’s why I think that hit a nerve with the rest of the cast.

They are all constantly fighting for their sanity. For their identities. They’re trapped in this surreal, terrifying digital purgatory where reality is questionable at best and all they’ve got are each other. That’s it. Just a bunch of strangers trying not to fall apart or, worse, abstract.

And when you're in that space? Vulnerability becomes everything. And it’s risky.

Being vulnerable to the wrong person, someone who doesn’t reciprocate, or worse, uses your openness against you is traumatic. It teaches you to close up. To withdraw.

To stop trying.

Now imagine reaching out to someone like Ragatha, who seems supportive on the surface, who says the right things, but there’s a disconnect. You don’t feel like you’re being seen. You don’t feel safe. You don’t feel like you’re talking to someone who’s willing to meet you in the mess.

And when that happens? Of course they gravitate elsewhere. Of course they pair off, find comfort in each other, and leave her on the fringes.

What hurts the most, though, is this: Ragatha wants connection. She’s starving for it. But she doesn’t know how to give it back in a way that feels real. She’s so wrapped up in being “the nice one,” the peacemaker, the cheerful glue of the group, that she can’t drop the act—even when it’s pushing people away. Even when it’s exactly what’s isolating her.

She wants to be close. She just doesn’t know how to be vulnerable.

Now, the biggest lore drop of Ragatha's past, let's break this down:

Throughout the entire series so far, Ragatha always speaks with this carefully curated tone: gentle, friendly, overly polite. But every time she gets a moment alone to monologue? It always derails. Every time. Her words unravel, her tone falters, and what starts as “everything’s fine” ends with something much darker, much sadder.

And this scene? God. This one hurt. Because when she starts talking about her mother, it stops feeling like just another breakdown. It feels like the core of her trauma is being yanked out into the open. She’s clearly an adult. Had a life. A career. Probably responsibilities and routines. And yet, that wound from her mother is still festering: deep, raw, and most importantly?

Completely unresolved.

This is where you see her coping mechanisms in full force. Ragatha has this heartbreaking tendency to downplay her own pain. She’ll smile through it, make a light comment, move on like it doesn’t ache. But it does. And that habit? It sabotages her ability to connect with people in a real, vulnerable way. Because how can someone share mutual pain with you if you never admit to having any? If you can’t even be real with yourself?

Remember when she confessed she hates Jax, but she doesn’t want Jax to hate her? That moment says everything. That desperate need to be liked, even by someone who openly antagonizes her, speaks volumes about her internal wiring. She’s terrified of rejection. Of being disliked. Of being seen as not enough.

And this scene, to me, is one of the most heartbreaking moments in the show. Ragatha is caught in this awful limbo: she wants connection, deeply. She wants friendship, understanding, belonging. But the second she senses discomfort, awkwardness, even the slightest ripple of tension, she backpedals. She shrinks. She brushes it off with a laugh or a sugar-coated phrase. And that’s exactly why the others can’t reach her.

She’s surrounded by people and still completely alone.

This scene also confirms what we’ve suspected all along: her mother had impossibly high standards. That nothing Ragatha did was ever good enough. That she had to perform perfection just to maybe receive love. It was a transaction. "Be the perfect little girl, the perfect daughter, the perfect doll, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll earn affection."

So of course she acts like this now. Of course she wraps herself in forced smiles and gentle words. Because somewhere deep down, she still believes that if she slips, if she messes up, if she shows anything “ugly”...then no one will love her.

Jax was a grade A asshole for this one. No sugarcoating it. He knew how badly Ragatha wanted to be Pomni’s friend. He’s not clueless. So when he swooped in and started getting close to her? Of course it triggered Ragatha. You could practically see her flinch.

And that sting? It echoes through the rest of the episode five from that point onwards. Especially when they get to the ball game scene.

That was the moment Ragatha finally let some of that bottled-up frustration out. She flat-out called Jax out, asking why he was trying to influence Pomni into acting like some careless, insensitive jerk. And yeah, on the surface it seems like just another clash between the two of them, but if you look a little closer (and maybe I’m reaching this), there’s something deeper going on.

From earlier episodes, we’ve seen Ragatha has this habit of telling Pomni how she should feel. She does it in this oddly motherly tone, like she’s trying to guide her, but in a way that almost infantilizes her. In Episode Two, in the candy kingdom bit, Ragatha starts talking to Pomni like she’s a child and Pomni immediately shuts it down: “I’m not a kid.”

That wasn’t just sass.

That was a boundary.

And it clicked for me: Ragatha might be echoing her mother’s behavior here. That condescending tone disguised as “help.” The ���cheer up, it’s not that bad” mindset. The insistence that things should be okay, instead of just lettingpeople feel. Maybe that’s all she ever knew. And now, she’s unknowingly replicating it.

So when she follows Pomni’s advice to “try being a jerk sometimes,” and it backfires, when Pomni looks at her, clearly uncomfortable, it hits Ragatha like a rock. That same feeling of rejection, all over again.

And did anyone else notice the glitch when she apologized? Because I sure as hell did. It was subtle, but holy fuck, please don't be the next abstraction!

Then came the "Pomni Saves the Day (Almost)" scene, when it’s her turn to bat. She asks Ragatha if she wants to take her place, to "redeem" herself from her earlier miss. And for just a second, Ragatha lights up. It’s this tiny flicker of hope. Maybe this is her chance. Maybe she can fix things.

Maybe she’s needed.

But then… the game was already over and they won before she had a chance to bat because their evil version is basically KO'd. She turns to Pomni and sees them.

Pomni and Jax. Laughing. Close. Connected.

And suddenly that hope? It deflates.

Just like in the stargazing scene, we get this physical distance motif again. Ragatha is always just far enough to see the connection—but never be part of it. And in that moment, you can see it on her face, this quiet, confused heartbreak. The kind of grief that doesn’t explode...it just sinks in. Like she’s trying to understand why her kindness, her effort, her presence was never enough. Why being “nice” only pushed Pomni further away.

That expression she gives, caught somewhere between confusion, disappointment, and slowly-processed loss? God, that got me. It wrecked me. Because in that moment, she’s not angry. She’s not dramatic.

She’s just... alone.

And then finally… the nail in the coffin. The moment where the silent divide between Pomni and Ragatha becomes undeniable. The moment the entire show has been quietly building toward since Episode One.

Ragatha, who has tried so hard to make Pomni smile. To be her rock. To forge a connection. She wants that closeness. She craves that intimacy. But instead, she watches as Pomni laughs, genuinely, mind you, and effortlessly at Jax’s antics. And the second Pomni notices Ragatha looking? Her smile drops. Instantly. That joy disappears, replaced by awkwardness, tension, that same guarded expression we’ve seen before.

And it says everything.

Pomni can’t be herself around Ragatha. She doesn’t feel safe doing so. She might think Ragatha is a “nice enough” person… but that’s it. That’s where the connection ends. She doesn’t let her guard down. Doesn’t let Ragatha in. Because Ragatha, in all her curated cheer, never really opens up either.

And then the show drives it home with brutal elegance: the group starts to drift off, one by one, naturally falling into their new little dynamics. And Ragatha? Left standing in the middle. Alone. Forgotten. No one turns to her. No one invites her. She’s just there.

For all the time she’s spent in the Digital Circus, Pomni managed to connect with everyone else. Even Jax. And that, right there, is pure devastation for me.

Because all Ragatha has ever known is people-pleasing. That’s how she survives. That’s what she was taught. Be the sunshine, be the good girl, be agreeable and comforting and helpful then you’ll be loved. Then you’ll be safe. But what happens when that mask doesn’t work? When it actually pushes people away instead of bringing them in?

She doesn’t know how to express her loneliness. She doesn’t know how to say, “I’m hurting too.” Because that’s not what was modeled for her. That’s not what her mother taught her.

And this...this right fucking here is why Gooseworx was so right when they said this was a Ragatha episode.

Because Ragatha’s character flaws, the heart of her tragedy, are brought into the light not by spotlighting her, but by quietly contrasting her with a pair of characters we never expected to bond: Jax and Pomni.

From the start, we’re fed this narrative: Jax is an asshole. He teases Pomni. He’s rude, smug, abrasive. And yet… Pomni starts to soften around him. She connects. She even laughs. And you start to wonder...why is he getting through to her when Ragatha can’t?

Because Jax, in his own messed-up way, gets real. He opens up. He admits things. He’s emotionally messy, but it’s genuine. And that rawness, that honesty, is something Ragatha can’t allow herself to show. So while Jax slowly reveals the depth beneath his snark, Ragatha clings to her role: the always-smiling, ever-positive comfort character.

And that contrast? It’s heartbreaking.

You see it at the very end. How alone she is. And the cruel twist? She’s probably the one who needs connection the most. But she’s so stuck in her pattern, so locked in that internalized belief that she has to perform to be loved, that she ends up isolating herself even further.

I can’t stop thinking about this: Ragatha feels like someone who’s spent her entire life just close enough to be seen, but never close enough to be reached. She’s the background character in her own life: present, smiling, helpful… and utterly alone.

And maybe the reason so many people felt like this episode was more about Jax than Ragatha is because we’re supposed to feel her slipping into the background. Just like the cast is starting to overlook her, we as the audience are starting to, too.

That slow fade?

It’s intentional.

Thank you for coming to my rant. I never done a character analysis before, but I just fucking love this series so much.

Read More TADC Character Analysis

[cigarettesuga]

⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀closer than this ୨ৎ ( myg )

✸⠀⠀PREMISE ⠀⠀፧⠀⠀ after a charged first meeting, yoongi doesn’t expect to text her — or end up tangled in her sheets after a quiet rooftop dinner that feels more intimate than it should. but some things are too good to leave behind, even when they don’t make sense.

featuring⠀idol!min yoongi x actress!fem!reader genre strangers to lovers, slow burn, smut with emotions™, romantic tension so thick you could chew it wc⠀12.3 k warnings explicit sexual content (fingering, protected sex, oral fixation, teasing, praising, desperate pacing), intense sexual tension, breathy makeouts, soft dominance, mutual control, light pressure to jaw/throat (non-aggressive), mild marking (hip-grabbing/bruising), lots of kissing and emotional intimacy, post-sex cuddling, internal monologue-heavy navi

lu's note⠀i’m so happy to finally share part two of charitable causes — it’s tender, it’s filthy, and it’s a little dangerous. life’s been hectic lately so updates might slow down a bit, but i’m still writing when i can. also: there’s a scene where oc talks about working with a popular actor — i didn’t name anyone ‘cause i don’t really watch dramas and didn’t wanna pick someone who’s suddenly problematic 😭 just pretend it’s your fave lol.

as always, my asks are open & your love keeps me going 𖹭𖹭

⠀⠀

⠀⠀

yoongi woke up like he’d been dreaming with his eyes open — hazy, limbs heavy, warmth pooled in his chest that didn’t belong to sleep. his room was too quiet. the sunlight crawling across the floor was too soft. he blinked slowly, one arm flung across his stomach, the other half-buried under his pillow.

it took him a second to recognize where he was. home. the ache in his jaw from clenching during sleep grounded him. so did the faint taste of wine still lingering on his tongue.

he turned his head toward the nightstand.

his phone was there, screen black, plugged in. he didn’t remember doing that. didn’t remember coming in, brushing his teeth, changing clothes — the whole night had slipped through his fingers like water the moment the door closed behind him.

but the piece of paper underneath the phone?

that he remembered.

crisp, folded, barely visible — just the corner peeking out like it was daring him to acknowledge it. her handwriting small and confident. her name and number, sitting there like a secret only he knew how to keep.

he stared at it without touching it.

hadn’t texted her. not yet. hadn’t even typed out a draft and deleted it — though he’d thought about it. several times. thumb hovering over the messages app, brows furrowed, heart punching slow and hard in his ribs like it wanted to be consulted.

his mouth was dry. he brought his hand up and dragged it over his face, palm pressing against his eyes until the darkness turned red.

“what am i doing,” he mumbled into his skin.

he exhaled. slow. rough.

he wasn’t like this. he didn’t do this.

he didn’t slip away from events to kiss strangers in deserted hallways. didn’t flirt with actresses he barely knew just because they looked at him like he was something worth unwrapping. didn’t let his guard down just because someone touched his elbow and whispered something sharp into his ear like a line written for him.

he was careful. calculated. controlled.

but last night?

he hadn’t felt controlled at all. he’d felt seen. and wanted. and a little reckless in a way that hadn’t scared him — not in the moment, anyway.

the worst part?

he couldn’t stop replaying it. her breath against his jaw. the way her body arched into him like they were built to fit. the sound of her voice curling into his ear just before she disappeared again — to be continued?

fuck.

he scrubbed a hand over his hair and rolled onto his side, staring at the number again like it might answer all the questions in his chest.

he didn’t move to text her.

not yet.

but he didn’t put the paper away either.

he stayed in bed longer than he should have.

his body wasn’t tired, not really, but his thoughts felt heavy — dense in the back of his skull, turning over and over like laundry caught on repeat. he stared at the ceiling. listened to the silence. blinked slow, trying not to let his brain go there again.

but it did anyway.

to her.

he told himself not to overthink it. it was fun. harmless. she was beautiful, sure. interesting too. quick with her words, sharp with her looks — the kind of woman who carried herself like she didn’t owe anyone an explanation, but might give you one just to see how you handled it.

he should be able to let that go.

just… let it exist in a vacuum. one stolen night, one breathless kiss, one private moment that didn’t have to mean anything if he didn’t let it.

but his mind — traitorous, persistent — kept leading him back.

to the press of her lips against his. the smell of her skin. the way she’d looked at him like they were sharing an inside joke no one else in the room could read. how she’d flirted like it was second nature, like her words were laced with static — subtle but charged, casual but undeniable. enough to make him second-guess his own memory.

did it really happen like that?

was she really that close?

he shifted under the sheets and let out a low sigh. rubbed at his eyes. cursed softly.

a part of him felt misplaced now. out of sync with his own skin. maybe it was the solitude — the rest of the guys all enlisted, the dorms too quiet, his name suddenly carrying the weight of seven. maybe it was guilt. not for the kiss itself, but for wanting more. for thinking about her mouth while sitting in a studio chair or brushing his teeth or trying to answer emails.

what would the others say? he wondered. not in a shameful way, just… curious. would they tease him? tell him to text her already? would they think it’s weird? would jimin have noticed before anyone else that something was off?

the phone buzzed sharply.

yoongi flinched.

just for a second. barely a movement — but enough to make him painfully aware of everything around him. the weight of the blanket. the cut of light through the curtains. the silence he’d been stewing in. the tiny folded paper still tucked beneath his phone like a match pressed against gasoline.

he reached for the device, thumb swiping across the screen. not her.

[manager] yoongi-ssi, just a reminder you’ve got a photoshoot today @ 3. did you eat already? want me to grab you an americano on the way in?

he stared at the message.

normal. routine. the same kind of check-in he always got on busy days.

he typed back one-handed:

[yoongi] americano’s fine. haven’t eaten yet.

he hit send. stared at the blinking cursor in the chat a second longer than necessary. like maybe the screen would change. like maybe her name would appear right underneath.

but it didn’t.

and he still didn’t text her.

not yet.

yoongi dressed slow, like his body hadn’t quite synced up to the day yet. cotton shirt, loose jeans, something easy and familiar — he wasn’t staying in them long anyway. stylists would tear him out of this and layer him into something tailored and intentional by the hour.

his phone went in his pocket. and so did the paper.

he didn’t fold it again. didn’t look at it. just slid it into his jeans like it wasn’t whispering her name against his thigh the whole way there. like it wasn’t a brand searing quietly through denim and skin and pretense.

the drive to the label was quiet, even with traffic. his manager talked — something about the shoot setup, lighting, a quick reminder of the concept. yoongi nodded. didn’t really absorb. just stared out the window with one arm propped against the door, fingers tapping against his leg like they wanted to move. like they missed her waist. her neck. the sound she made when his mouth dragged over the hollow of her throat.

the rest of the day blurred.

he knew the steps. say hello. get ushered into hair and makeup. sit under bright lights while someone primped and shaped and added shine where the tired lines used to be. change into the first outfit. pose. tilt your chin. don’t blink. switch angles. smile like it’s not practiced.

he did all of it.

but his mind wasn’t in the room.

it was on her — the way her lips had curled around that last kiss, the heat in her voice when she whispered against his ear. the way her eyes had tracked him across the ballroom like she already knew the shape of his mouth from a past life.

he was back in the makeup chair when it finally happened.

his resolve cracked in the smallest way — just a tiny fracture — and he gave in.

unlocked his phone. typed her name into search like it was harmless.

no one would see. no one would know.

the results came fast — clips, interviews, red carpet photos. he chose a video, something recent. a panel, maybe. she was sitting on the far end, wearing something black and minimal. smiling just enough. her voice was steady, but warm. teasing.

he watched. tried not to react.

but his lips twitched at something she said — some smartass remark delivered with a little tilt of her head and that same look she’d given him in the hallway. like she was daring someone to flirt back.

a soft snort sounded behind him.

yoongi startled slightly, glancing up at the stylist behind him.

“she’s nice,” they said, still running product through his hair. “i worked with her once. sweet with the whole crew. brought coffee for the interns. that kind of person.”

yoongi nodded. neutral. not too quick.

“yeah,” he murmured, eyes flicking back to the screen. “met her at the event last night. she’s a natural under the spotlight.”

the stylist hummed. “she’s got that thing, right?”

yoongi smiled faintly — more to himself than anything. yeah. she had that thing.

he didn’t say anything else. just watched her on his screen until the video ended, heart heavier than he expected.

and the number in his pocket burned a little hotter.

he kept it together for the rest of the shoot.

he posed. changed. nodded at directions, half-listened to compliments, let the stylists fuss over the details. when someone asked him to look more intense, he just thought about her mouth on his and delivered it in a single blink. when they said softer, more thoughtful, he let the image of her laughing against his lips soften the corners of his mouth. easy. efficient. no one noticed how detached he felt.

but the moment he walked through his front door, the quiet hit him like a wave.

no music. no voices. just the hush of the apartment swallowing his footsteps as he toed off his shoes and dropped his keys on the counter.

he didn’t turn the lights on right away.

just moved through the soft shadows of his living room, fingers grazing the wall out of habit. he tugged his jacket off with one hand and let it hang over the back of a chair, already heading to the bedroom like his body knew the path by instinct.

the silence felt louder now. thick. intimate.

too much room to think.

he sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees, head bowed — the usual post-schedule slump. but this time, his hand drifted into his pocket, fingers brushing the worn edge of that damn paper like it was a nervous tick he couldn’t break.

he pulled it out.

held it between two fingers. stared at it.

no fanfare. no revelation. just him, alone in the dark, heart tapping against his ribs in a rhythm that didn’t match the stillness around him.

what’s the worst that could happen?

that she doesn’t answer? that she regrets it? that he looks desperate? that he wants something from her and she doesn’t want it back?

his lips pressed into a thin line.

he ran a thumb over the fold crease.

and then — before his brain could catch up, before the second-guessing could wrap both hands around his throat — he grabbed his phone. punched in the number. stared at the blinking cursor at the bottom of the screen for a long, long beat.

he typed out a message before he could talk himself out of it. nothing clever. nothing planned.

just:

[yoongi] so… should i pretend we imagined that night?

he stared at it for a second.

his thumb hovered. and then—

send.

just like that.

the message slid into the chat. final. weightless. loud in the quiet.

yoongi didn’t breathe for a moment. just stared. unread. no reply. but his chest felt like it had cracked open anyway.

he leaned back, sinking into the mattress with a slow exhale, one arm slung over his eyes like it might block out the part of him that suddenly felt twelve kinds of stupid.

too late now.

the paper still sat on the nightstand. but he wouldn’t need it again.

the reply came faster than he expected.

less than two minutes. just long enough to make him stare at his screen and consider if he’d overplayed it.

then:

[y/n] color me surprised… i thought you weren’t gonna text at all.

he let out a soft breath through his nose. one corner of his mouth twitching up.

he didn’t answer right away. fingers hovering, thumbs flexing, debating what to send back without sounding too eager.

then:

[yoongi] i don’t usually text people who get me lost in hotel hallways [yoongi] you’re a little out of my routine [y/n] you say that like it’s a bad thing.

he laughed. short, surprised.

and that was it — the shift. the weight in his chest turned warm instead of heavy. he didn’t mean to, but soon enough, he was fully reclined against his pillows, phone lit up in one hand, face tilted toward the screen like he couldn’t look away.

the chat filled itself slowly. one line at a time. nothing direct. no mention of the kiss. no "so about last night."

instead, it was:

[y/n] what’d you end up wearing for that photoshoot? don’t say leather. [yoongi] was leather ever on the table?? [y/n] i don’t know your life [yoongi] you knew it well enough to pin me to a wall [y/n] are you complaining? [yoongi] still deciding.

his cheeks ached. he barely noticed until he shifted and felt the stretch of the smile again. god. he wasn’t even that into texting. usually short, efficient, dry. and yet here he was, lying in bed like some teenager with a crush, scrolling back to reread what she said just to feel it again.

and under it all — the current kept rising. a breathlessness he could taste, even through a screen. like they were both building to something but neither wanted to break it too fast.

until he did.

maybe because he had to.

maybe because the longer they joked, the heavier it sat between his ribs — what she’d said. what she’d left him with.

so he finally typed:

[yoongi] so… [yoongi] about that “to be continued” thing

he watched the little gray dots appear. disappear. come back.

gone again.

a full minute passed. his pulse ticked harder.

finally, her message came in:

[y/n] depends.

another pause. then a second message.

[y/n] you like dinner under the stars?

his heart stuttered.

he blinked.

then the third message arrived, and it felt like a dare.

[y/n] my rooftop. tomorrow night. i’ll cook. unless you’re scared of heights.

he didn’t smile this time. not exactly.

he just bit his lip and exhaled slowly — chest full of something he wasn’t ready to name.

[yoongi] what time?

he didn’t call it a date.

not out loud. not even to himself.

just dinner. on a rooftop. with a woman he couldn’t stop thinking about.

he told himself he wasn’t overthinking it.

he picked out a shirt and changed it twice. but that didn’t mean anything. it wasn’t nerves—it was weather. comfort. fit. totally normal to swap black for white, then back to black because the first one felt too clean and the second one felt more like him.

he didn’t style his hair. barely touched it, in fact. let it fall into his eyes and swept it back once with his fingers, like that would make it look accidental enough to not seem intentional. he wore something casual. comfortable. sneakers. a jacket, even though the air was barely cool.

no cologne. just his skin. a little lotion. done.

not a date.

not like that.

but when he checked the clock again, his foot started tapping against the floor.

he wasn’t expecting anything. not exactly. yeah, if she leaned in close—if her hand found his leg under the table or her lips brushed his again—he wouldn’t stop her.

but that wasn’t the point.

the point was… her.

the woman under the smirk. behind the quick lines and confident eyes. he wanted to know how she took her coffee. if she sang in the shower. if she hated being alone or if she loved it so much she carved silence out of busy days just to feel it on her skin.

he wanted to hear her voice without the music playing. just talk.

and maybe kiss her again, yeah. if she was in the mood.

he grabbed a bottle of wine before heading out. not because it was romantic—just polite. adult. decent.

he kept his hands in his pockets the whole drive there.

and told himself—again—it wasn’t a date.

at exactly 8:03 p.m., yoongi texted her.

[yoongi] should i ask for the address or are you gonna make me guess which rooftop belongs to you

her reply came back almost immediately.

[y/n] hold on let me adjust the spotlight and roll out the carpet [y/n] i’ll send it. don’t be late.

his lips twitched. he didn’t smile much when he texted, not in a way anyone would notice, but she had a way of pulling it out of him like it was nothing.

he typed “on my way” but didn’t send it yet. instead, he checked the location, scanned the route. familiar. one of those luxury complexes you didn’t even look at unless you were someone—or trying very hard to look like someone.

of course she lived there.

he grabbed his keys. then hesitated.

her voice echoed in his mind—something she’d said the night of the event. half-laughed over wine and dim lights. a throwaway line about how she hated most wines but had a soft spot for this one brand, some mid-shelf label that reminded her of home or old friends or maybe just something she’d stolen once from a set party.

he wasn’t even sure why he remembered it.

but now he was standing in the wine aisle at a convenience store on the way to her place, holding that exact bottle in his hand like it had always been part of the plan.

he stared at it. sighed. wondered if it was too much.

then bought it anyway.

when he finally pulled into the underground garage, the nerves hit in a slow, strange wave. not sharp, not loud—just enough to tighten his chest a little. his hand hovered over his phone. a few breaths later, he typed:

[yoongi] just parked. heading up.

her reply was short. clean. cool.

[y/n] use elevator 3. code’s 0112.

he repeated the numbers under his breath as he walked. zero one one two. like a song lyric. or a prayer.

the place was quiet. exclusive. the kind of building where everything echoed in the right way and smelled like clean money and eucalyptus diffusers.

he stepped into the elevator. punched in the code. the doors slid shut.

and just like that—it was happening.

no stylists. no cameras. no people pulling him in four directions. just him, a bottle of wine, and the echo of her kiss still lingering somewhere behind his teeth.

the numbers on the panel ticked up slow.

his fingers twitched at his sides.

not a date, he told himself again.

and then the elevator stopped.

the doors opened.

and her door—just ten feet ahead—was already cracked open, golden light spilling into the hallway like it had been waiting for him.

she didn’t dress up.

he could tell the second she opened the door. and god—he was grateful for it.

no heels. no makeup that looked like a mask. just jeans, low on her hips and snug around her thighs in a way that made his mouth go a little dry. a black spaghetti strap tank, the kind that clung in all the right places, skin glowing under soft light. she wore a button-up shirt over it—open, sleeves rolled—and it only made her look more effortless. like this wasn’t a date. like this was just her. unfiltered. untouchable.

her eyes flicked down, landed on the wine bottle in his hand.

a smile pulled at her mouth, slow and knowing. that kind of smile. the kind that said “i see you.”

“you remembered,” she said, voice soft, amused.

he almost said i’m not the type to forget, but it felt too revealing.

so he just gave a tiny shrug. “figured you wouldn’t want to fake liking something else.”

she laughed under her breath, then reached for his hand—cool fingers wrapping around his wrist like it was natural to touch him, like there hadn’t been a week of silence between their last kiss and this moment.

“come in,” she murmured, tugging him gently across the threshold.

he followed without hesitation.

and instantly, everything about the apartment knocked the air out of his lungs.

he’d expected… something polished. minimalist. luxury sheen and matching neutrals. maybe a little too clean, too curated, like a magazine spread waiting to be photographed.

but what he walked into was something else entirely.

low, warm lighting pooled in the corners of the space. mismatched lamps. candles that had clearly been lit, their wax spilled over dishes and holders like a crime scene of comfort. books stacked in uneven towers on the floor, on shelves, on the wide arm of a velvet chair that didn’t match the couch but somehow belonged. art everywhere—walls splashed with color, linework, frames that leaned instead of hanging, pieces that pulled your eyes and made you wonder what kind of soul lived here.

there was music playing faintly from a speaker somewhere—vinyl crackle and a woman’s voice, soft jazz vocals that kissed the air like an afterthought.

and above all of it—her scent. subtle. familiar now. some blend of citrus and warmth and something he couldn’t name but already missed.

he turned in place slowly, eyes scanning.

it looked lived in.

it looked like her.

the kind of apartment that told stories even when she was silent. full of surprises, personality, contradictions. no sharp edges. no pretense.

“didn’t expect this,” he said after a moment, voice low.

her hand was still in his. she squeezed it once, then let go to take the wine from him.

“what, you thought i lived in a k-drama set?” she teased.

he smiled—real this time. “a little.”

she shrugged, glancing around like she hadn’t already known exactly what she was showing him. “most people do.”

then she walked ahead, barefoot and easy, calling over her shoulder—

“make yourself at home. i just need a sec to grab glasses and check the food.”

he stood there for another beat, just… looking. breathing her in.

and then he let out a slow exhale, shoulders dropping, tension loosening with every second.

maybe it wasn’t a date. maybe it was something else entirely.

but either way—he was here.

and he wasn’t going anywhere.

he drifted toward the record player without thinking.

the vinyls were stacked neatly beside it—some in sleeves, some not, the edges worn like they’d been loved, not just collected. there were classics in there. jazz, mostly. soul, funk, old movie soundtracks. a few foreign titles he didn’t recognize, and more than a couple that made him blink because he didn’t expect her to own those. it made sense, though. the more he stood in her space, the more he realized it wasn’t about expectations. it was about layers.

he knelt slightly, fingers brushing the corners of a few records.

he didn’t plan on snooping. just looking. listening.

her apartment was quiet in a way that felt... intentional. like every soft surface had been placed there to catch sound and hold it gently. the only thing he could hear was the low croon of the vinyl still playing in the background and his own breath.

but then he glanced toward the far side of the apartment—

and his breath caught.

the space curved gently, rooms branching off like arms curling inward, and all of them led to her terrace. glass sliding doors opened onto a wood deck bathed in amber light. fairy lights hung overhead, swaying a little, the breeze soft and warm like it belonged in another city. the table was already set, simple and beautiful, the glow from the lights pooling around the plates like the scene had been carved out of a dream.

and further back—

a sitting area. outdoor sofa. pergola heavy with hanging plants. candlelight flickering against terracotta pots and dark green leaves, like the flames knew they were part of something quiet and sacred.

it didn’t look like a rooftop.

it looked like a world.

private. alive. waiting.

his lips parted slightly, gaze softening as he took it all in. he didn’t hear her footsteps. didn’t register the air shift behind him.

not until her hand slid under the hem of his shirt—slow, warm, the barest touch against the small of his back.

he startled only slightly, but didn’t move. didn’t speak.

her voice came next, right by his ear, soft enough that he could feel the words before he processed them.

“view’s pretty good, huh?” she whispered, her breath ghosting the edge of his jaw. “dinner’s almost ready.”

his spine straightened a little. not stiff—alert. like his whole body had tuned to the frequency of her.

he didn’t turn around.

just nodded, voice low. “it’s… not what i expected.”

he could hear the smile in hers. “you keep saying that.”

her hand slipped out from under his shirt, but she stayed close. too close. the stem of the wine glasses clinked gently in her other hand as she tilted her head to look past him toward the terrace.

“you hungry?”

he swallowed, eyes still on the deck.

“yeah,” he said. and it wasn’t just about food.

she nudged his side with her hip—playful, easy. “good. c’mon.”

and then she was walking again. barefoot. light on the wooden floors like she belonged to them.

he followed, fingers still tingling from where she’d touched him.

“you want help with anything?” he asked, voice soft, already halfway to the kitchen.

she glanced at him over her shoulder, a smile curling on her lips like she’d been expecting him to say that.

“sure,” she said, passing him a couple of plates without hesitation. “you can carry these out while i grab the wine and salad.”

he nodded and took them from her hands — careful, the ceramic warm to the touch, still radiating the scent of roasted herbs and garlic.

he didn’t mean to notice the way her fingers brushed his when she let go. didn’t mean to hold that feeling for longer than he should’ve. but he did. and it stayed with him as he walked out onto the deck.

the evening air was mild, kissed with the scent of jasmine from the corner planters and something rich and buttery from the kitchen. fairy lights flickered overhead like lazy stars, and the city spread out in front of them like a painting—han river glinting in the distance, buildings lit like a quiet celebration.

he placed the plates down and stepped back just as she came out with the rest. wine bottle in one hand, salad bowl in the other, and a little sway in her step like this wasn’t the first time she’d carried dinner for two out to the rooftop.

she caught him watching.

“you’re staring,” she said.

“you look like you’ve done this before,” he replied, pulling a chair out for her without thinking.

“what, dinner on rooftops with quiet men who don’t talk about themselves?” she teased, raising a brow.

he smirked. “sure. that.”

she sat with a graceful drop, skin catching golden light. “maybe i have.”

he poured the wine, not too much. the clink of glass against wood sounded louder in the stillness between them. a beat passed, then two.

“so,” she said, leaning on her elbow. “you’re not gonna ask me about my last project or what it’s like working with [insert big name actor here]?”

yoongi shook his head, taking a slow sip. “no interest.”

she blinked. a little amused. a little surprised. “no?”

���not really,” he said. “i mean—i could google all that. find interviews. soundbites. but i don’t want your press tour answers.”

her gaze flicked down to her glass, then back to him.

“what do you want?”

he exhaled slowly, staring at the way the candlelight caught her features. soft shadows under her cheekbones, a shimmer against her collarbone.

“i wanna know where you’d go if you disappeared for a week,” he said, voice low. “no cameras. no phone. just… gone.”

she stared at him for a moment. still. the corner of her mouth lifted.

“that’s a good question.”

“i’ve got a list,” he added, like it was a confession.

“yeah?” she leaned in, elbow on the table now. “what’s at the top?”

he smiled, eyes dropping to his plate for a second. “somewhere cold. quiet. maybe a cabin in japan. snowed in. nothing but books and music and someone who knows how to keep a fire going.”

“sounds romantic,” she said, tone unreadable.

“i didn’t say i’d go alone.”

that made her laugh. soft and surprised.

and just like that—it started. the shift. away from the noise. into the space where names didn’t matter and fame didn’t reach.

they talked.

about how she ended up in this apartment. how the plants were from her old place and she still didn’t know the name of half of them. about how he used to be afraid of swimming. about how she writes poetry when she can’t sleep but never reads it back. about family. about loneliness. about the kind of silence that feels like home, and the kind that feels like a trap.

they never once said idol. never once said actress.

it was deeper than that. heavier. lighter. real.

and yoongi couldn’t remember the last time a conversation made him feel full.

the dinner had passed in slow waves of wine and laughter.

conversation drifting from deep to dumb and back again — favorite childhood snacks, dreams about disappearing, people they’d outgrown, things they weren’t proud of but couldn’t quite regret. she made him laugh in a way that felt rare. surprised out of him. like he hadn’t done it in a while and forgot how good it felt in his chest.

and when the food was gone — plates scraped clean, wine glasses half-full — neither of them moved to clear anything. there was no urgency. the night wasn’t over, not even close.

she shifted first.

pulled one foot up onto her chair, knee bent. her arm draped across the back of the seat, glass resting lazily in her other hand, gaze warm and slow as she looked at him. like she was memorizing something. or maybe already knew it by heart.

he moved without thinking.

his hand found her thigh — the one propped up, stretched toward him. his fingers resting near her knee, then slowly sliding down. up. back again. just barely pressing. like a tide testing the shore.

her skin was warm under his touch.

her eyes flicked down briefly, but she didn’t stop him. didn’t comment. just took another sip of wine and exhaled through her nose like the silence between them had thickened into something sweet.

her free hand — the one not holding the glass — reached out. lightly, her nails grazed his wrist. then the back of his hand. then up, just a little. a soft, absent drag of touch. casual, if it hadn’t made his pulse jump.

he looked at her. really looked.

and maybe that was why it happened. why the question formed. why the wine and the quiet and the low hum of everything unspoken finally pushed the words to his mouth.

“you think about that night?” he asked, voice low. quiet enough that it could’ve been lost in the rustle of leaves if she hadn’t already been looking at him like she knew it was coming.

her gaze didn’t waver.

“yeah,” she said, just as soft.

he nodded, thumb tracing a slow line over her skin. “me too.”

she tilted her head slightly, the kind of movement that invited honesty. the candlelight licked the sharp line of her jaw, her mouth parted just slightly.

“you regret it?” she asked.

he let out a breath through his nose. “not for a second.”

a pause.

he leaned in a little more, eyes flickering down to her lips, then back up. “but it didn’t feel like me.”

“what part?”

“all of it,” he said. “being there. feeling that pulled in. touching someone like that when i didn’t even know their last name.”

she didn’t flinch. didn’t take offense. just kept watching him, like she understood exactly what he meant.

“was it a bad thing?” she asked, voice lower now.

he shook his head. “no. just… new.”

“you didn’t seem new at it.”

he let out a breathy laugh. “i’m a fast learner.”

that made her smile — slow and crooked.

her hand slid higher, palm over the back of his, warm and sure.

“you wanna know something?”

he hummed.

“i wanted to kiss you the second i saw you across the room. before you looked at me. before you even knew i was there.”

yoongi’s hand stilled on her thigh. heat licked up his spine like a match had been struck just beneath his skin.

“i felt it,” he murmured. “like static.”

she nodded once, slow. “me too.”

the silence returned. but it didn’t feel empty. it felt full. dense with the things they didn’t have to explain anymore.

his fingers curled gently into her leg. her thumb traced a soft circle over his knuckles.

and whatever had been hanging in the air between them all night — that quiet tension, the thread pulled tight — was starting to unravel into something softer. deeper.

real.

she leaned in like the night had called her to do it — slow and deliberate, mouth soft and parted, eyes half-lidded as she closed the distance between them inch by inch. not a question. not a warning. just a shift in gravity that he didn’t try to fight.

yoongi didn’t wait.

his hand slid higher on her thigh, fingers curling as he leaned forward and met her mouth with his.

it wasn’t gentle.

it wasn’t rough either — it was slow, like tasting something forbidden, like drawing out the first bite of something he’d been craving for too long. their lips pressed together in steady, measured rhythm, mouths moving with a kind of practiced hunger neither of them had to rehearse. it was instinct. it was need. it was built from the heat of everything unsaid.

she made a soft sound against him — a quiet, satisfied hum — and he drank it in like it was poured just for him. her hand cupped the side of his neck, thumb grazing just beneath his ear, and the shiver it sent down his spine made his grip tighten.

she kissed him like she had all the time in the world.

and when she bit his bottom lip — a sharp, playful little nip that made him groan low in his throat — she pulled back just enough to laugh against his mouth. breathless. amused. her eyes fluttered open, and she murmured against his lips, still close enough to steal another kiss if either of them so much as breathed too deep.

“your manager better not interrupt this time,” she whispered, her voice soft and stained with heat.

yoongi let out a low laugh, nose brushing hers.

“if he does,” he said, his lips barely brushing hers between the words, “i’m quitting.”

that made her smile — that slow, wicked curl that tugged at the corner of her mouth like she already knew she had him. like she knew he meant it, too.

her fingers slid into the hair at the nape of his neck, nails grazing his scalp lightly, dragging another quiet exhale out of him.

yoongi kissed her again — slower this time, deeper.

no rush. no noise. just the quiet crackle of candlelight and the taste of red wine on her tongue.

his other hand found her waist, pulled her closer.

and the night shifted again — this time into something heavier.

her shift came with no warning — just the subtle tightening of her fingers around his shoulders, and then the slow, deliberate sweep of one leg over his lap.

yoongi let out a quiet breath against her mouth, hands instinctively tightening at her waist as she settled onto him — not rushed, not needy, just there, confident and warm and so close it made his pulse stutter.

she moved like she’d done it a hundred times before — not with him, but like she’d always known she would. like her body had already mapped out this moment in some half-forgotten dream. her arms wrapped around his shoulders, draped loosely, wine glass abandoned somewhere behind her. his hands stayed low, fingers pressing into the curve of her hips, thumbs tracing soft lines over the thin fabric of her shirt.

their mouths moved together again, deeper now — more heat, less air.

yoongi kissed her like the wine was still on her tongue and he was trying to drink the last drop.

her breath caught when his hand slipped under her shirt. not rushed — just slow, steady curiosity, palm sliding over warm skin, tracing the curve of her waist before dipping higher, under the second layer — that tight black top she’d worn beneath. the contrast of cotton and silk against his knuckles made his skin feel too tight.

her back arched ever so slightly into his touch. he felt it — the way she pressed into his palm, her breath stuttering in the back of her throat.

and still, they didn’t speak.

not really.

just shared air and heat and quiet, involuntary sounds.

until her lips parted, barely lifting from his — and she said something.

soft. hushed. her voice like smoke against his mouth.

he didn’t catch all of it — too far gone, too focused on her body, her taste, the way his name would probably sound if she moaned it.

but he caught enough.

“…risky out here…” she whispered, a faint trace of laughter coloring her tone, like she wasn’t that worried.

and then she kissed him again — not full, just the ghost of it, barely touching — before pulling back enough to meet his eyes.

“you wanna continue in my room?” she asked.

not a flirtation. not a challenge.

just a quiet, open door.

and all he had to do was walk through.

he nodded before his brain could even make sense of the question.

not that it mattered. his body had already leaned in. already decided. already chosen her.

her smile came easy — that slow, knowing curve of her lips that made him feel like she’d just won a bet he didn’t know they were playing. she pressed a kiss to his cheek, light and quick, like punctuation. then stood, holding out her hand.

yoongi took it without a word, let her pull him to his feet — her fingers warm in his, steady. she didn’t let go.

they didn’t have to go far — just a few quiet steps across the rooftop, toward the sliding glass doors tucked in the corner. she slid them open with one hand, pulling him gently inside, and just like that, the night closed around them.

her bedroom smelled like her — floral and something deeper, muskier, like the skin just under her jaw. warm light spilled from a small lamp on the bedside table, casting everything in soft gold. it felt private. quiet in a way the rooftop wasn’t. no candle flicker, no city hum. just breath and heartbeat and bare feet on hardwood.

he didn’t have time to look around.

because the moment they were inside, she turned to him again — both hands sliding up his chest, then around the back of his neck. she leaned in close, and he was already chasing her mouth again when she stopped short — just barely.

her forehead touched his.

a pause.

she exhaled slowly, lips hovering over his, eyes closed for a moment.

“you wanna stop?” she whispered.

yoongi blinked. not because he didn’t hear her — but because he hadn’t expected her to ask. not now. not when they were this close, when his hands already itched to slide under her clothes again.

but the fact that she did — that she still wanted the choice to be his — it hit him deeper than he expected.

he laughed, low and quiet, tilting his head slightly so their noses brushed.

“you ask like you don’t already know the answer,” he murmured.

she pulled back just enough to open her eyes. her gaze met his, all soft edges and flickering heat.

“maybe i just like hearing you say it,” she teased.

his mouth quirked, one brow lifting. “you’re trouble.”

“mm. and you’re slow,” she shot back, fingers already finding the hem of his shirt.

her eyes lit up — mischief glowing like a secret behind them.

and just like that, the air changed again.

no rush.

but no hesitations either.

they were doing this.

his shirt was the first to go — not yanked, not pulled, but eased up over his head, inch by inch, as her fingers curled beneath the hem. she wasn’t watching his eyes. she was watching his skin. the way it flexed under her touch, the slow reveal of his torso beneath the fabric. he let her, arms lifting lazily, and when the shirt slipped over his head, he shook his hair back into place without looking away from her.

she didn’t comment. didn’t need to.

the way her gaze dragged down and lingered said everything.

yoongi smirked, just a little. barely there. his hands drifted to her waist, fingers brushing over the hem of her top — and then lower, skimming over the edge of her jeans like he was thinking about it.

but instead of undressing her, he stepped closer. pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth, light and maddening, his hands sliding under her shirt but leaving it on. just the warmth of skin to skin. a thumb brushing over the edge of her ribs. teasing himself more than her, but he didn’t care. he liked how she inhaled sharply, like she wasn’t expecting the restraint.

her lips parted, but she didn’t speak. just raised an eyebrow — as if to say your move, then.

he took the challenge in stride.

his hands slipped around to her back, slow and sure, and when his fingers found the hem again, she lifted her arms without needing to be asked. he pulled the shirt off carefully, watching her the whole time. she stood there in her black top, skin glowing under the soft light, chest rising a little faster than before.

he kissed her shoulder.

she tilted her head, letting him. then smiled.

“you’re dragging it out on purpose,” she said.

“so are you.”

“only because you are.”

he chuckled against her skin, then let his lips trail a little lower — collarbone, then just above the swell of her chest. when his fingers dipped below the hem of her top, she grabbed his wrist gently and shook her head.

“not yet.”

yoongi looked up, heat flickering behind his eyes. “tease.”

“takes one to know one.”

and then — she moved.

her hands went to the button of his jeans.

he didn’t stop her. just watched.

but she didn’t rush.

her fingers worked slowly, almost cruelly, undoing the button, dragging the zipper down with a sound that sliced through the silence like a sigh.

she didn’t push them down though. just left them like that. undone. dangerous.

her fingers slid beneath the waistband, resting against the line of his hips.

yoongi exhaled hard through his nose, eyes darkening.

he didn’t speak.

neither did she.

but her smile said checkmate’s getting close.

yoongi broke first.

he didn’t mean to. didn’t plan it. one second he was holding still, watching her like she was a flame he could study forever — and the next, he was grabbing, kissing, reaching like he’d been starved of her for days instead of minutes.

his mouth crashed into hers — no finesse, no teasing this time. it was desperate. heated. too much tongue, not enough breath. and the sound she made — soft, muffled, almost surprised — hit him square in the chest. like he hadn’t even realized how much he needed to hear her fall apart under his mouth.

his hands slid to her hips, grip firm but careful, guiding her backward until her thighs met the edge of the mattress. she let him — smiling against his lips, hands still tangled in his hair as he pushed her down onto the sheets.

and fuck, she looked unreal like this.

her hair fanned out across the pillow, her top rumpled just slightly, one hand tracing along her bottom lip like she was waiting to be devoured. her legs still hooked loosely around his waist, her breath coming in slow, shallow waves. waiting. watching.

yoongi knelt onto the bed — one knee sinking into the mattress beside her, the other still planted on the floor as he leaned over her. his gaze dragged over every inch, hungry, reverent. his fingers found the hem of her top again, slower this time, sliding it up inch by inch — revealing skin like a secret, until her bra was finally in view.

he exhaled.

it fit her perfectly — hugged her in all the right places, soft and dark against the warm tones of her skin. his gaze lingered. not out of hesitation — but out of awe. like he needed a second to catch up to the fact that she was real and here and letting him see her like this.

he didn’t kiss her again.

not yet.

instead, his hand slid lower — teasing fingers brushing just above the waistband of her jeans, then curling around the button. he didn’t undo it right away. just played with it. thumb dragging lightly over the metal, eyes flicking up to meet hers.

she stared back at him — pupils blown, lips parted, one hand still ghosting over her mouth like she wasn’t sure if she was holding back or just baiting him.

yoongi smirked — barely there, but sharp.

“this still feel risky to you?” he murmured, fingers now toying with the zipper.

she laughed under her breath — breathless, soft, dangerous.

“only if you stop.”

his fingers worked slowly — one hook of the button, a lazy tug of the zipper — until her jeans eased open, denim gaping just enough to show a sliver of her underwear. he didn’t peel them off yet. didn’t dive in. instead, he dragged his palms back up her sides, under her top, and finally pulled it over her head completely, revealing her in that black bra, all curves and candlelit skin and a mouth that looked like sin just breathed into it.

yoongi swallowed hard.

his jeans were tight now — uncomfortably so — but he ignored the ache. filed it away. because this? this was better. her laid out beneath him, chest rising and falling like she already knew what was coming, hands fisting lightly in the sheets.

he leaned down — not to kiss her lips, but to mouth at the edge of her bra. the soft swell just above the cup. skin he could taste without removing anything. and he did — slow, deliberate presses of his mouth. lips, tongue, the faintest graze of teeth. his hand slid between her back and the bed, unclasping the bra with practiced ease. he watched the fabric part like he was being let in on a secret.

and god, she was beautiful.

his mouth dropped to the top of her chest again — kisses pressed like punctuation across her sternum, then lower. he took his time. praised her without words — just the low sound of his breath catching, the soft hums that spilled into her skin, the way his hands never stopped moving. across her ribs. her hips. her thighs.

she let out a shaky breath when his lips finally wrapped around her nipple, warm and wet and so slow it made her hips lift just slightly. he groaned against her when she moved like that — not loud, but deep, like it slipped out without permission.

“fuck…” he whispered, more to himself than her. “you’re unreal.”

his teeth grazed lightly. his tongue soothed the spot. and when she let out another breathy sound, her hand curling into his hair, he didn’t stop — just shifted to the other side, giving it the same attention. licking. sucking. kissing like he was memorizing her heartbeat through his mouth.

and all the while, his jeans throbbed with every grind of her hips against his thigh.

but he didn’t move for relief.

not yet.

she was already breathing like she was close — and he hadn’t even touched her properly.

that was the point.

he wanted her to feel him for days.

he looked up at her from where his mouth had lingered on her chest — lips parted, breath warm, hair slightly mussed from her fingers. but his eyes were sharp now. intense. like something inside him had shifted — flipped — and now he was moving with purpose instead of curiosity.

like he’d found his rhythm and it was her.

yoongi pushed himself up, hand braced beside her ribs as he leaned in again — straight to her mouth. his lips met hers in a kiss that was wetter this time, deeper, the kind that sent heat straight down her spine. his free hand slid up, fingers curving under her jaw to tilt her face to him. it wasn’t rough. it was firm. like he wanted her attention, and every inch of it.

and when he pulled back, just barely — her lips slick, parted, breath caught — he didn’t say a word. just let his thumb drag slowly across her bottom lip, watching it bounce slightly under the pressure.

then he pushed his fingers into her mouth.

slow.

intentional.

not deep — just enough to feel the heat of her tongue, to let her wet them herself. his fingers curled slightly, and she didn’t resist. didn’t flinch. just looked back at him with wide, innocent eyes like the moment had cracked her wide open and she had no idea what to do with the flood.

fuck, she was dangerous.

he slid his fingers out of her mouth slowly, coated with her spit. his hand drifted down, and he pressed another kiss to the soft curve of her neck — right where her pulse throbbed. she tilted her head slightly, breath catching again as his lips lingered.

“god, you’re good at that,” he murmured — not asking, just noting, like it was a fact she should’ve already known.

his hand didn’t stop moving.

it slipped lower, dragging along her skin — down her stomach, between her hips — until it found the heat still hidden by her underwear. he brushed his fingers over the thin fabric, just barely pressing, and even that made her hips twitch.

yoongi exhaled, low and steady. kissed her collarbone. then kissed lower — just once — before dragging his fingers slowly up the center of her, feeling the heat, the wetness even through the fabric.

“fuck…” he breathed again, mouth close to her ear now.

his thumb circled. one finger traced the edge of her underwear, like he was considering moving it. but he didn’t yet.

instead, he looked up again — gaze dark and focused, as if he was memorizing the way her mouth parted and her thighs tensed and her chest heaved, all at once.

“say it,” he murmured, voice low, just for her. “you still want this?”

not because he doubted.

because he wanted to hear her say yes.

she barely said it.

just a whisper — hoarse, trembling, thick with want. a single syllable soaked in breath and need, like it had fought its way out from somewhere deep in her chest.

“yes…”

yoongi didn’t wait.

couldn’t.

not after that.

his fingers slid beneath the band of her underwear, slow but sure, until he found the heat he’d only been teasing before. and fuck — she was already so wet for him. slick and warm and ready, like her body had been begging for this since the moment their eyes met in that crowded room.

he exhaled harshly through his nose — not a groan, not a word — just the kind of sound that broke free when restraint finally snapped its thread.

and then he pushed his fingers in.

slow, deep, perfect pressure — and the way she gasped, sharp and ragged, made his head drop against her shoulder. he stayed there for a second, buried in her neck, inhaling the scent of her skin, the perfume that clung to her hair and collarbones. but more than that — her sounds.

small, breathy moans caught between parted lips. the stutter of her breath when he curled his fingers just right. the quiet, involuntary way her hips lifted into his hand like her body couldn’t help but chase the high he was coaxing out of her.

“that’s it,” he whispered, voice low and rough against her ear. “just like that.”

his free hand braced beside her ribs, steadying himself, while his fingers moved deeper — curling, pressing, finding the rhythm that made her thighs shake.

she was already falling apart.

and he hadn’t even kissed her again.

her hand grabbed at his arm, nails dragging across his skin as her other fisted the sheets, mouth open and trembling. every sound she made was his now. every gasp, every breathy whimper — all of it branded in his mind like a verse he’d never forget.

he lifted his head, just to watch her.

hair fanned across the pillow, her chest rising in shallow waves, lips bitten pink and trembling.

“look at me,” he murmured — soft, commanding.

she did.

barely.

but it was enough.

the moment their eyes locked, she moaned again — louder this time, messier, one leg wrapping tighter around his hip like she was trying to pull him into her completely.

yoongi kissed her then.

hard. deep. swallowing the sound she made as his fingers thrust deeper, curling just right.

and he thought — god, she’s gonna come like this.

just from this.

and he was going to let her.

watch her.

feel her.

every trembling second of it.

her hand moved like she couldn’t stop herself.

one still wrapped around his wrist — gripping, guiding, hips twitching beneath his touch as she pressed him deeper, faster, chasing the pressure that had her breath hitching with every curl of his fingers. she wasn’t just letting him touch her. she was showing him how. claiming the rhythm. dragging it out. her thighs trembling on either side of his hips.

and the other hand — fuck.

the other slid down, across his stomach, slow and shaking, until it found the hard outline of him beneath his jeans.

yoongi’s whole body stuttered.

his breath caught somewhere between his throat and chest, a low groan vibrating in his ribs as her palm pressed down — tentative at first, then with more purpose. like she wanted to feel the way she was ruining him. like she knew he’d been holding back and couldn’t stand it anymore.

“fuck,” he muttered, voice fraying at the edges.

her eyes met his — dazed and dark, lips parted, cheeks flushed — and when she pressed just a little harder, her fingers shifting over him, he thrust into her hand, involuntary, his fingers deep inside her still.

it was messy. desperate. their bodies moving in tandem now, hips rocking against hands, like they couldn’t get close enough.

“you’re gonna kill me,” he breathed, forehead pressing to hers.

she let out a breathless laugh — the kind that barely made it past her throat — and squeezed him again, slow. teasing. fucking lethal.

his fingers didn’t stop. he’d found the spot inside her that made her breath break, and he curled into it with intention now, matching the pace to the way her thighs were tightening, how her nails were digging into his skin, her mouth dragging open in a silent gasp.

“that’s it,” he whispered, kissing the corner of her mouth. “you’re close.”

she nodded — barely — but it was the sound she made next that wrecked him. that high, cracked moan as her hips lifted to meet his hand again, her rhythm starting to falter.

yoongi groaned deep in his throat.

because she was palming him harder now, her grip losing finesse, and he knew — knew — she was right on the edge.

so he kept going.

curling his fingers just right, his mouth pressed to her jaw, his other hand sliding to her ass to anchor her down.

“let go,” he breathed, voice shaking. “i’ve got you.”

she fell apart in his hands — breath caught, back arching, her hips grinding helplessly into his palm like her body was chasing the aftershocks. her thighs trembled, muscles fluttering beneath his touch, and her mouth dropped open on a moan that sounded dangerously close to his name.

yoongi felt it everywhere.

in his chest. in his spine. in the way his cock throbbed against the denim, painfully hard, caught in a limbo between control and the kind of need that bordered on reckless.

but it was her voice — the way it broke as she pulled him closer — that did it.

"please," she whispered, raw and aching, “i need to feel you.”

and fuck.

he swore he could’ve come right then — just from the look in her eyes. wide, hazy, flushed and blown out, still shaking, and yet so focused on him. her hands dragging down to his hips, grasping, pulling like she couldn’t bear to wait another second.

his fingers slipped from between her thighs — soaked and trembling — and he exhaled, sharp, eyes closing for just a beat.

then he moved.

with the last shred of resolve in his body, yoongi reached down, hand digging into the pocket of his jeans, fumbling just slightly. there. the foil packet brushed his fingers, and he let out a low breath, almost a laugh, something wild flickering in his chest.

he sat back on his knees, tearing the packet open fast with his teeth, his other hand already dragging the denim and briefs down his thighs.

her eyes dropped.

watched.

and stayed there.

he could feel her gaze — heavy, hungry, wide with anticipation — locked on his hands as he slid the condom on. her mouth parted slightly, breath shallow, fingers still gripping his hips as though trying to anchor herself to the moment.

yoongi looked up, caught her staring, and smiled — not cocky, not smug, just… wrecked. overwhelmed. full of something soft and dark and unspeakably fond.

“you’re really watching that close, huh?” he said, voice rough.

she nodded once, slow. lips brushing open. eyes full of fire.

“can’t help it,” she whispered.

he leaned forward, dragging his mouth across hers — a kiss that tasted like heat and hunger and too many almosts.

“good,” he murmured, hand sliding to her thigh as he lined himself up.

“’cause i want you to remember this.”

yoongi lined himself up — just the tip brushing against her, slick and hot and so tempting — and stopped.

his breath hitched.

his hands dug into the curve of her hips, holding her steady. his jaw clenched so tight it ached. because if he moved — if he let himself go that last inch — it’d be over. the moment would swallow them whole. and he wasn’t ready to lose it yet. not when she looked like this.

spread out beneath him. flushed and flushed and wrecked. the afterglow of her orgasm still softening the edges of her face, her hair stuck to her forehead in delicate strands, her thighs twitching open and ready for him.

but most of all — her eyes.

those wide, dazed eyes watching him like he was some kind of answer. lips parted, chest rising in short, sharp bursts, hands skimming down his arms like she couldn’t quite believe he was real.

yoongi looked down between them, eyes locked on where their bodies almost met — his tip just barely pressing into her folds, catching slightly as he shifted his hips.

he groaned under his breath.

it took everything in him not to slam forward.

instead, he gave her a slow rock — just enough to drag the head of his cock through her heat, the tip slipping in a little more with each movement. her breath stuttered. her nails sank into his biceps, leaving trails of heat behind.

“yoongi—” she whispered, but her voice cracked on the second syllable.

and fuck, that did something to him.

he leaned down, pressing his forehead to hers, their noses brushing. his breath was hot against her mouth, voice low and dangerous.

“you want more?” he rasped.

her fingers tightened — nails biting into his skin, legs wrapping higher around his waist.

“please,” she whispered, breathless. barely a sound. but her eyes said it all.

and still — he didn’t move.

just nudged forward, inching in a little deeper. not enough. not nearly enough. he watched the way her mouth dropped open, how her brows pinched, the sound she made — like she was about to cry or scream or combust.

“i just wanna remember this,” he muttered, his own voice fraying now, hands trembling slightly as they slid up her sides. “how fucking good you feel already. and i’m not even in yet.”

she whimpered — straight-up whimpered — and it shot straight through him like lightning.

his hips rolled again, teasing another inch, and her whole body arched into him.

“yoongi,” she gasped, finally breaking.

“mm?” he teased, mouth on her cheek now. “what’s that, baby?”

her hands cupped his face so gently it nearly broke him.

fingers threading into his hair, thumbs brushing along his jaw — and then her mouth, god, her mouth — soft and urgent against his. not a kiss so much as a plea, her breath catching on the word he’d been teasing from her for what felt like hours.

“please,” she whispered, kissing him again, lips wet and trembling. “please, yoongi—”

her hips lifted as she spoke, slow and sure, coaxing him deeper — finally sinking him in, inch by inch, her body clenching around him like it had been waiting forever.

his breath hitched so sharp he gasped into her mouth.

then he groaned — low and raw, buried into the crook of her neck as her walls fluttered around him, pulling him in like gravity itself had been redefined.

“fuck,” he breathed against her skin, his voice wrecked. “fuck, you feel—”

but he couldn’t finish. the words died in his throat because she was already moving again — hips rolling, fingers still in his hair, her legs hooked around his waist like she needed him closer. like even being buried inside her wasn’t enough.

she held him there.

whispered into his ear — sweet and desperate.

“don’t stop.”

his hips stuttered, pushed deeper.

“you feel so good, baby. so good.”

yoongi groaned again, his hand fisting in the sheets beside her head. her voice was everything — warm, wrecked, coaxing him through each slow thrust like she wanted to memorize him now.

“just like that,” she murmured, her mouth dragging over his jaw, her teeth grazing his skin. “don’t stop—fuck—please, i need you to—”

and he did.

he moved — not fast, not yet — but deep. every inch deliberate. every sound she made drawing him further into her until there was nothing else.

only her.

her hands in his hair.

her mouth against his cheek.

her thighs trembling around his waist as he started to fuck her like he’d never wanted anything more in his life.

he couldn’t think straight anymore.

his mind was static — white noise between thrusts — her breath, her nails, her skin, the wet sounds where their bodies met. and her voice. god, her voice.

soft and ruined, telling him more, right there, kiss me, don’t stop, and he was following every command like it was instinct.

like he didn’t know how to say no to her.

and maybe he didn’t want to.

maybe there was something in the way she said his name — not just gasped, not just moaned — but called for him. like she knew he’d come. like she knew he was hers the second she touched his face and kissed him between pleads.

he had her pinned under him now — body flush to hers, chest to chest, hips grinding deeper with every roll. the mattress creaked beneath them, sheets tangled at their waists. he was in her in every sense, and still it didn’t feel close enough.

yoongi moaned into her ear — couldn’t stop himself — and her body clenched so tight around him that his rhythm stuttered, jaw falling slack as he swore under his breath.

she whimpered when he hit deep.

he groaned when she tightened.

his mouth found her neck, her shoulder, her collarbone — kissing every inch she asked for, biting gently when her nails sank into his back. one of his hands slid up, grasping the back of her thigh, pulling her leg higher over his hip to get deeper, stay deeper.

the sweat between them made it all feel primal. feverish. real in a way that didn’t make sense, like he wasn’t sure if this was the best sex of his life or a goddamn religious experience.

and he hadn’t felt this way in a long time.

not just the heat. not just the high.

the connection.

the way her hands still held onto him even as her voice broke. the way her body moved with his like it knew him already. like it had been waiting for him to come back to life.

and he was.

piece by piece. kiss by kiss. thrust by thrust.

yoongi pressed his forehead to hers again, panting, hips rolling steady and deep as her breath caught and she whispered his name like a prayer. her nails curled into his shoulder blades.

he groaned again — low, helpless.

“fuck, you’re gonna ruin me,” he murmured against her mouth.

she smiled — crooked and breathless — and kissed him hard, teeth grazing his bottom lip before she said, “good.”

he laughed.

not loud. not amused. wrecked.

it cracked out of his chest like disbelief — like she’d just dared him to snap — and she fucking had.

yoongi leaned back, separating from her chest, chest heaving. and the second she started to reach for him — eyes hazy, lips parting in protest — his hand locked around her hip, tight. rough. possessive.

she gasped, and fuck, he felt it.

the way her body jolted. the way her breath hitched. the way her legs trembled around his waist.

he pressed his thumb into the meat of her hip, slow and deep — not enough to hurt, just enough to claim. he knew it would leave a bruise. wanted it to. wanted her to find it tomorrow and remember the way she asked for this with nothing but a smirk and a dare.

his other hand rose to her jaw — fingers spread, palm warm and solid, thumb dragging across her bottom lip before his grip shifted. just enough pressure to ground her. not choking. not rough. just right. enough to make her pupils blow wide, lips fall open, breath break again.

and then he moved.

his hips snapped forward — hard. deeper than before. rougher. the kind of thrust that rattled her body against the mattress.

she whined. moaned. arched. all at once.

“yeah?” he rasped, eyes locked on hers. “you like that?”

her mouth dropped open — desperate, dazed — and she nodded, voice nearly gone.

“tell me,” he muttered, fucking into her harder now. “tell me what you’ve been thinking about.”

she gasped — a jagged inhale, her fingers clawing at his shoulders.

and then, through breathless, broken confessions, she told him.

about the way she thought of him the night they met — how she imagined this. him. the way she touched herself thinking about how he’d sound, how he’d moan. how she'd imagined his mouth, his hands, his weight pressing her down into her mattress, just like now.

yoongi groaned — deep, guttural, shaking through his whole chest. his grip tightened on her hip. his pace faltered for just a second before he snapped back into it — rougher, deeper, his cock dragging against the spot inside her that made her voice crack when she tried to keep talking.

“fuck, baby—” he gasped, mouth finding her neck again, kissing it hard. “you’re gonna make me come.”

and she gasped at that. her whole body reacting — fluttering around him, her legs shaking, arms locking around his back like she was trying to trap him there.

and yoongi?

he let her.

because fuck it — he wasn’t going anywhere.

he couldn’t hold back anymore.

his hips snapped into her again — deep, ragged — and this time he didn’t try to quiet the sounds that came out of him. couldn’t. not with the way she gripped him, her hands dragging down to his ass, pulling him in, guiding each thrust like she wasn’t even close to finished with him.

yoongi groaned — sharp and guttural, the kind of sound that came from deep in his chest, from the place that was losing her already even as she was still wrapped around him.

he dropped his weight slightly — elbows pressing into the mattress on either side of her head, chest to chest, his face buried against her cheek. and then, just before he shattered completely, he turned and left a kiss on her forehead.

so gentle.

so quiet.

like the softest thank you he'd never say aloud.

his hair was soaked, sweat dripping down his neck, his whole body trembling with the force of it as he came — hips stuttering, breath catching, buried so deep in her it almost didn’t feel real. a moan ripped from his throat — her name barely audible against her skin.

but she didn’t stop.

her hands coaxed him through it, fingers digging into his skin, soft, desperate whimpers pushing past her lips as her hips tilted up again. chasing hers. so close.

“don’t stop,” she gasped. “yoongi—please—i’m—”

and fuck.

his body was wrecked, but his heart was still punching through his ribs for her, so he kept moving. slower now, but still deep, rolling into her just the way she liked — groaning as he felt her clench again, tighter this time, like her whole body was pulling him in to come with her.

she shattered with a gasp. a long, aching sound that cracked in the middle as her thighs trembled and her hands fisted into his skin.

and yoongi?

he felt it.

deep.

full-body.

because this wasn’t just release — it was connection. her body shaking beneath him, lips brushing his jaw, her moans quiet now but still there, like they were part of the rhythm of his own breath.

they stayed like that.

pressed together.

sweat-slick and shivering, heartbeat to heartbeat, breath syncing as the silence finally returned — not empty, not awkward.

just real.

just them.

he didn’t move.

couldn’t.

his body was still thrumming — nerves fried, lungs stuttering against hers, every part of him soaked in the weight of her. sweat on his skin, her scent in his nose, her heartbeat steadying underneath his chest like she was trying to bring him back to earth.

her arms stayed locked around him.

tight.

one hand resting flat against his spine, the other tracing slow, mindless shapes into the space between his shoulder blades. he could feel her nails, just barely — not scratching, just reminding. like she didn’t want him to slip away. like she was holding him there on purpose.

yoongi exhaled.

his face still pressed against the side of her neck, breath ghosting over her skin as he tried to find his voice. but nothing came yet. didn’t need to. the silence between them wasn’t awkward. it was full. stretched soft like a blanket. like a memory.

finally, after a minute — maybe two — he lifted his head.

just enough to look at her.

and fuck.

she was a vision.

lips red and bitten. cheeks flushed. pupils still dark and wide and glassy. there was sweat along her collarbones and a dreamy kind of haze in her gaze, like she was still floating somewhere between now and the stars.

her hand reached up — slow and sure — and gently brushed the hair from his forehead, fingers dragging soft against his skin. a quiet, instinctive gesture. so casual and so intimate he felt it in his chest like a bruise.

yoongi leaned in and kissed her.

not rushed. not hungry.

just soft. like he meant it.

when he pulled back, he let his forehead rest against hers for a beat longer before he whispered, voice low and rough, “where should i...?”

he didn’t even finish the sentence.

she understood.

she nodded toward the bathroom door, lips parting slightly, too spent to smile but too sated not to.

he pressed another kiss to the corner of her mouth — then carefully pulled out of her, a soft hiss caught in his throat as the warmth of her slipped away. he moved slow, quiet, disappearing down the hall just long enough to take care of it.

when he came back, she was still there.

bare and beautiful in the soft light.

one hand outstretched — waiting for him.

yoongi didn’t even think.

he climbed back into bed, under the light blanket she’d tugged over herself, and let her pull him back into her arms. his head on her chest now, ear pressed to her heartbeat, fingers ghosting over her ribs like she might vanish if he didn’t touch her.

neither of them said a word.

they didn’t need to.

her fingers were still in his hair, slow and lazy, threading through the damp strands like she had all the time in the world.

yoongi’s arm was draped low around her waist, hand curled under the curve of her spine. their bodies had stopped moving, but his mind hadn’t — it buzzed, still full of her. the sound of her voice. the look in her eyes. the feeling of her skin under his hands, her legs around his hips, her breath right there at his mouth.

he felt wrecked. in the most peaceful way.

her lips brushed the top of his head, a kiss that was more like a breath. and then, soft — almost teasing, but not really — her voice reached through the quiet.

“you’re gonna be a problem for me,” she murmured, half-lidded eyes blinking slow, like she was already falling under sleep’s weight.

yoongi huffed a laugh against her chest.

“good,” he whispered back. “i want to be.”

she smiled — he could feel it. the way her ribs shifted slightly beneath his cheek.

a beat passed.

the kind that invited more, the kind that asked without asking.

and then she did — so quiet he almost thought he dreamed it.

“are you staying?”

he stilled.

not from fear. not from panic.

just from the sheer gravity of it.

because she wasn’t asking about just tonight. he could hear it in her voice, feel it in the soft curl of her fingers around his neck. it wasn’t about falling asleep together. it was about after. about what they did with this — with whatever the fuck this was becoming.

yoongi closed his eyes. breathed her in. his hand splayed against her lower back like it had always known how to fit there.

“yeah,” he said, eventually. just above a whisper. “i think i am.”

and she didn’t say anything after that.

she didn’t need to.

she just kissed the top of his head again, her lips barely brushing his skin, and held him tighter.

and for the first time in a long, long while — yoongi let himself be held.

quietly , always cigarettesuga . ୨ৎ

taglist Ꮺ @aaclariww @mar-lo-pap @h6rtf9lt @wynterlove @rpwprpwprpwprw @annyeongbitch7 @namgimini @princesstiti14 @belleilichil @busanbby-jjk @sunsetnamjin @vonvi-blog

[neeeooon]

being siblings with the itoshi siblings? basically silly little stuff, and a part where they find out we have a crush on isagi because we were just giggling and blushing while rewatching the u20 final goal clip, and rin has the crash out of the century?

cuuuute tysm for the req!!

silly little crush

gn!itoshi sibling <3 isagi yoichi. crack, platonic, ooc(?) isagi is only mentioned

you were sitting in your bedroom, phone propped against a tower of pillows, feet swinging in the air as you watched replays of the blue lock u20 match. more specifically, the isagi yoichi highlight reels.

all sorts of flutters tickled your stomach as giggles bubbled up and filled your room, blush on your cheeks as you watched him celebrate scoring the final goal. it was adorable and admirable and hot at all once, and you smiled when the scene cut off at his teammates rushing him to cheer.

you were about to replay that specific part when your door was thrown open. you turned back, feet still in the air, and froze when you saw your brother rin in the doorway.

your brothers knew you were a hopeless romantic; someone who found love in people easily. while sae wasn’t as strict on who you could have a silly little crush on, rin made it clear that blue lock boys, especially isagi yoichi, were off limits…

… but you know what they say about wanting the things you can’t have, right?

your face flushed for a different reason when rin marched forward and snatched the device off your bed. “wh—hey!” you snapped, but rin shoved the phone into his back pocket and stared down at you with eyes so angry you couldn’t even laugh.

“laying on your stomach, watching isagi reels? i’m disgusted. truly. how are we related?”

you puffed your cheeks to match his indignation. “so, what? it’s just a crush. he’s cute!”

rin held a fist to his mouth, as if fighting the urge to puke. “cute? we’re talking about the same isagi, right? he looks like if someone stepped on a mealworm.”

you kicked your brother’s shin and snatched your phone from his pocket while he was distracted. running around him, you landed one last foot to the butt to knock him over while he was unbalanced, and sprinted down the stairs.

when rin’s footsteps sounded behind you, you screamed. turning into the kitchen, you found your eldest brother at the table with a glass of water and nearly cried in relief. you ran over and positioned sae between you and the doorway, where rin would appear at any moment. “sae! he’s gonna kill me!”

sae carefully placed his glass down and raised a brow at you. “huh?”

that’s when rin appeared, and you swore you could see the glowing red eyes and black smoke radiating off of him.

“look!” you screamed, pointing a finger at your demonic brother. he made a lunge for the phone, but sae intervened by reaching forward and grabbing rin’s ear between his fingers.

“ow, ow, ow,” rin repeated rather monotonously, and you laughed until sae had your ear next. “ow, ow! why me?!”

“you’re both being ridiculous,” sae complained as he dragged the two of you over to the couch. he flicked his wrists as he released you, and you tumbled into the cushions next to rin.

before you could run, sae clapped his hands. “what are you fighting about this time?”

you glanced over at rin, who was giving you the nastiest side-eye you’d seen from him in a while. huffing, you tossed your arms over your chest and sank into the cushions. “he caught me watching isagi reels.”

“and giggling, and blushing, and kicking their feet!” rin added. “i thought i was going to throw up! they called him…“ he gagged for dramatic effect, “… cute.”

you threw a pillow at him. it hit him square in the face, and you laughed so hard your stomach ached.

sighing, sae grabbed the pillow when rin swung back to smack you with it. “having stupid crushes is their thing. they’ll get over it in a few days.”

“i won’t! i really think this isagi guy is the love of my—“ you willingly shut up when sae gave you the look.

rin reached for the pillow, but gave up when sae threw it across the room. “it’s gross. we had a deal: no blue lock guys!”

“the heart wants what it wants!”

“your heart was crying for oreos and cheez-its yesterday! it is not reliable.”

you opened your mouth to argue, but ended up sinking further into the cushions instead. your mind drifted to the oreo ice cream cake you’d seen while grocery shopping the day before, and suddenly you had no recollection of what an isagi yoichi was.

sae read it all over your face. “okay, here’s the deal. we get snacks from the convenience store and watch a movie. deal?”

“i get to pick the movie,” rin grumbled as you drooled over the mental image of yourself eating oreo ice cream.

“whatever. deal. now come on, before it gets too dark.”

[theonottsbxtch]

I LOVED YOU FIRST | FC43

an: guys i’m so sorry for the atrocities i’m about to cause by posting this, i’m especially tagging @obxstiles to make sure they don’t miss it and that they cry muahaha there MAY be a part two to this

summary: for as long as she’s remembered she’s loved franco, wether those feelings were ever reciprocated she doesn’t know.

wc: 4.4k

She remembered the sound of wheels against gravel. Even as a kid, Franco was fast—kicking up dust and stones as he went, all edges and adrenaline. They grew up on the same street, a road that was more dust than pavement, cutting through a small town nobody had ever heard of, deep in the countryside of Argentina. Back then, he raced down that road on a beat-up go-kart that rattled and threatened to fall apart with every turn. But he didn’t care. Even at eight years old, Franco could talk of nothing but cars and speed and the shimmering, impossible promise of a life far from here.

She was the one who stood at the end of the road, cheering him on as he came barreling toward her, heart in her throat every time he cut it too close. She told herself that’s just what friends did—waited around to see the other one make it back in one piece. But there was more to it, even then. She’d never told him, of course. Franco had always been too focused on the next race, the next finish line, to notice much about her that wasn’t familiar. It was easier that way. They were friends. That was enough.

Years passed, and with them, his childhood kart became a racing simulator, then an actual car, then a series of wins that only proved what she’d always known—that Franco was going somewhere.

Last year, his parents sold their house so he could go further, could reach another level she couldn’t quite see. He moved in with her and her family when he wasn’t racing, and for a few months, it was as if they were kids again, laughing late at night, plotting his future as he spilled out every dream he’d ever had. That was the year she started imagining he might finally see her the way she saw him.

But he didn’t.

Instead, Franco saw everything she wasn’t: the girl from another world, polished and magnetic, with a face and laugh that gleamed like the trophies he’d already started to collect. She caught him, snared him in a way that didn’t even seem real.

It was this girl—her name slipped off his tongue so easily when he let it—who went to the big events with him, who stood beside him when photographers crowded around after his races, a reminder that he’d already begun to belong somewhere else. She wanted to hate her, this stranger who was everything she wasn’t, but what good would it do?

It was easy to tell herself she was Franco’s friend. His best friend. The one who’d been there since the beginning, the one who stayed up with him on those late nights when all his dreams felt heavy enough to drown him. She’d learned to wear it like armour—the friend, the constant, the steady hand on his shoulder when his voice cracked and his confidence faltered.

No one else knew the small things about him, the things that made him human. Like how he had a superstition about not putting on his helmet until the very last second before a race. Or that his favorite thing in the world was the sound of tires on wet pavement, a soft hiss of rain and speed. Or that he used to dream of buying back the house his parents sold and giving them something better.

The nights she couldn’t sleep, she’d replay those memories to herself, like scenes from a film she’d seen too many times. They were pieces of a person she’d built up in her mind so completely, so painstakingly, that she sometimes forgot he wasn’t hers. Not really.

Now, Franco was leaving again, but this time it was different. The call had come last night, and she’d been there when he answered it, watching the way his face shifted, lit up with something she hadn’t seen since they were kids. He’d been invited to join a Formula 1 team—a chance to race against the best, a dream finally realised.

And she’d been the first person he told. “I’m in,” Franco had whispered to her after he hung up, his voice hoarse with disbelief. “I’m actually in.”

He’d pulled her into a hug, and for a fleeting moment, she let herself believe this moment was for her too—that she was a part of the dream. But when he finally let go, she could already feel him slipping away, his mind racing miles ahead, far beyond anything she could reach.

And now here they were, standing on the same dusty road they’d grown up on, only this time the road was empty. She could almost see his silhouette against the horizon, an outline that belonged to no one, not even her.

“So… this is it, huh?” she murmured, trying to keep her voice steady, her hands stuffed deep into her jacket pockets. She knew this was her job now: to be strong, supportive, even as she felt her chest tightening with everything she’d left unsaid.

Franco glanced over at her and smiled, that careless, easy grin she’d fallen in love with a thousand times. “Yeah. This is it.”

There was a part of her that wanted to say something, to tell him what it felt like to lose him, to have spent all these years beside him only to watch him walk away. But she didn’t, couldn’t. Because he needed her to be his friend, his rock. And that’s exactly what she would be, until the moment he disappeared from sight.

“You’ll be amazing out there,” she said softly, swallowing hard against the ache in her throat.

“Thanks,” Franco replied, his gaze drifting to the horizon, to whatever was waiting for him. He didn’t see her watching him, didn’t notice the way she tried to memorise every detail of his face, the way she gripped the fabric of her jacket so tightly her knuckles turned white.

Because that’s what she was: the person who stayed behind, the person who would cheer for him no matter how far he went, even if it took him far beyond her reach.

His first race was in Monza.

And Franco had made sure she’d be there.

The roar of engines echoed across Monza, the air thick with the metallic scent of fuel and adrenaline. She stood just outside the paddock, watching the mechanics scurry between cars, drivers in their fireproof suits weaving through a sea of engineers and cameras. It was Franco’s first Formula 1 race, the one he’d been chasing since the days they’d spent on that dusty street back home. He’d called her a week ago, saying he’d arranged for her ticket, that she had to be there, that it wouldn’t feel right without her.

She glanced down at her pass, fumbling with it between her fingers, her eyes darting over the crowds, wondering if she’d see him. But instead, she saw her—Franco’s girlfriend, standing just a few paces away, a beacon in the busy paddock with her polished, perfect smile.

She thought about turning around, slipping into the crowd where she could cheer Franco on from a distance, as she’d always done. But then Franco’s girlfriend caught her eye, waved her over with an easy, welcoming smile, and suddenly it was too late.

“Hi! You’re Franco’s best friend, no?” she said brightly, as if she’d been waiting for this meeting. “Franco’s told me all about you.”

She managed a smile, trying not to let her surprise show. “Nice to meet you,” she replied, her voice steady but her heart churning. This girl looked so effortlessly perfect—too perfect, really. She wanted to find something in her to resent, a crack, a flaw, some hint that would make her presence easier to bear. But the girl’s smile was warm, even gentle, and there wasn’t a hint of cruelty behind her eyes.

“You know,” she continued, turning to look at the track where the cars were being readied. “Franco always talks about how you’ve been there from the start. He says he wouldn’t be here without you.”

It was a sentiment she’d waited years to hear, but hearing it now, coming from someone else, made it feel empty, hollow. She nodded politely. “He’s worked so hard for this. I just… wanted to support him however I could.”

The girl looked at her, a spark of admiration in her eyes. “That’s really special. I think it means a lot to him, having someone who’s known him for so long.” She hesitated, her fingers twisting a ring on her hand. “I think he’s planning to introduce me to his family soon.”

A prickle of something sharp and painful settled in her chest. She managed to keep her face composed, even as the words sank in. “That’s great,” she said, injecting her voice with encouragement. “That sounds really important to him.”

The girl smiled, her gaze drifting as if she could see the future taking shape right in front of her. “Yeah… he said he wanted to wait until we’d been together for a year. He’s so thoughtful like that, you know? He really wants things to be right before introducing me to his family.” She looked at her, a touch of gratitude in her expression. “I think he got that from you—from seeing how much his family means to you.”

It was a kind thing to say, too kind. She wanted to hate her for it, but she couldn’t. There was nothing false about the way this girl looked at her, no jealousy or possessiveness. She was just… nice. The kind of nice that made her ache with the unfairness of it all, because it made it impossible to hate her, even though she desperately wanted to.

“Well, his family will love you,” she said, meaning it even as the words felt like they were tearing something fragile inside her. “He deserves to be happy.”

The girl gave her a soft, almost sympathetic smile, a smile that made her wonder if maybe she already knew—if she could see right through her, if she understood the look in her eyes, the one she tried so hard to hide.

As the engines started up in the distance, the girl reached out and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Thank you,” she said, her voice warm. “For being there for him, for being his friend. I can tell he’s lucky to have you in his life.”

She returned the smile, feeling a heaviness settle deep within her. Franco was lucky, that was true—but not in the way she’d once dreamed he might be. He had everything now: the career, the future, the love of a woman who deserved him in ways she never could.

And as the cars roared to life on the track, she stood there beside his girlfriend, feeling like a silent ghost on the edges of his new world. She would cheer for him, just as she always had, but now she knew exactly where she stood—at a distance, a quiet fixture in his past, cheering him on from the shadows as he sped toward a future that had no place for her.

The race had ended hours ago, and the hotel was hushed, the lights dimmed in the halls. She was alone in her room, her suitcase half-packed, clothes folded neatly on the bed. She’d changed her flight back to Argentina; she would be gone by morning.

The evening had been a whirlwind—Franco finishing in P12 on his debut race, his crew and his girlfriend embracing him, his face beaming in a way she’d only ever dreamed of seeing up close. She’d stood in the background, clapping politely, just another face in the crowd, happy for him but feeling her heart splinter with each cheer.

A quiet knock broke her thoughts. She looked up, heart catching in her throat. Franco was standing in the doorway, his face lit with a warm smile.

“Hey,” he said, stepping inside, his hands in his pockets. “I was hoping you’d still be up.”

“Yeah, just… packing,” she murmured, glancing at the clothes on her bed. “I’ve got an early flight back.”

He frowned, like he hadn’t expected her to be leaving so soon. “I thought you’d stay a bit longer,” he said, a hint of disappointment in his voice. “It meant a lot to me that you were here, you know. I’m not sure I could have done it without you.”

She swallowed, trying to muster up a smile. “I’m proud of you, Fran. Really. You deserve all of this.”

He gave a modest shrug, his usual humility shining through. “It’s crazy, right? Like, it still doesn’t feel real.”

She nodded, unsure of what to say next, her hands clenching as she watched him, the words fighting to break free. But before she could speak, he went on, his face lighting up with excitement.

“Oh—and I wanted to tell you. Over the summer break, I’m planning to bring my girlfriend—” he gestured to the wall, where his girlfriend was probably just sitting in their shared room—“back to Argentina. She’s going to meet my family. I think they’ll love her.”

The words hit her like a punch to the gut. She felt herself unraveling, her heart breaking open. She couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“Why her?” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

Franco blinked, looking at her, startled. “What do you mean?”

“Why her, Franco?” She repeated, her voice trembling, louder this time. “Why not me? What is it about me that you don’t find appealing? Am I too loud? Too… different? Do I not fit into your world somehow?” Her voice cracked, the weight of her words finally spilling out. “What is it about me that you don’t love, that you love about her?”

For a moment, he just stared, taken aback, as if he was seeing her for the first time, really seeing her. But his eyes were filled with confusion, like he was trying to make sense of what she was saying.

“Wait—” he started, his voice halting, uncertain. “I… I didn’t know you felt—”

She cut him off, her voice fierce, raw. “I loved you first, Franco.”

He went silent, the words settling between them like stones in water, sinking deeper and deeper.

“What?” he whispered, his voice almost as quiet as hers had been.

“I loved you first,” she repeated, her voice shaking. She could feel the tears gathering, but she didn’t want to cry, not now, not here. “Since we were kids, since you were that crazy kid racing down dirt roads, I loved you. I’ve been there every step, every race, every victory, every failure. I was the one who held your dreams when they felt too heavy to carry. I loved you first.”

She watched him, waiting, hoping for some sign of understanding, some glimmer of the love she’d imagined so many times. But his eyes were wide with shock, his face torn between pity and discomfort.

He shook his head slowly, the words seeming to catch in his throat before he finally managed to say them. “But… I love her.”

The words were a knife, sharp and relentless, cutting through the last fragments of hope she’d held on to.

She let out a hollow, broken laugh, her vision blurring as she looked away, unable to meet his eyes. “I know,” she whispered. “I know you do.” She took a shaky breath, her voice trembling with a rawness she couldn’t contain. “But it doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

For a moment, they stood there in silence, the weight of years pressing down between them. She could see the guilt etched into his expression, his mouth opening as if he wanted to say something to make it better. But there was nothing he could say—nothing that could change the reality that he had chosen someone else, someone who wasn’t her.

“I never meant to… I didn’t want to hurt you,” he said softly, reaching out as if to comfort her, but she stepped back, her arms wrapping around herself protectively.

“It’s fine,” she said, forcing the words out, feeling them scrape against her throat. “I… I just needed you to know. I needed you to know that I was here, that I’ve always been here. But now…” She trailed off, her voice breaking, the words she’d held for so long finally running dry.

She looked at him one last time, memorising the shape of his face, the boy she had loved and lost long before he ever realised. Then sat back down on the floor and continued packing, folding each piece of clothing and putting it away in silence, each one a silent goodbye.

When she noticed he still hadn’t left, that he was just watching him, she looked up at him. “I hope she makes you happy, Franco,” she whispered, her voice barely a breath. “Really. I hope she gives you everything you’ve ever dreamed of.”

She looked back down not wanting to catch Franco’s look of pity and closed her suitcase as he walked out of her room.

Walking out of her life for what felt like forever.

It was the peak of summer, the air heavy with heat and the scents of wildflowers and sun-baked earth drifting through the open kitchen window. She was sitting at the table, picking absently at a bowl of sliced fruit, half-listening as her mother hummed while tidying up, when her mother paused and gave her a look she couldn’t quite decipher.

“I almost forgot to mention,” her mother said, wiping her hands on a towel, “Franco’s coming back to town soon. Said he’ll be here next week with his girlfriend, so they can meet his family.”

She looked down, letting the words sink in, feeling a familiar tightness bloom in her chest. She hadn’t spoken to Franco in weeks. Not since that night in Monza. Not since she’d finally let herself say all the things she’d bottled up for years, only to walk away feeling like she’d left a part of herself behind.

“Oh,” she murmured, keeping her tone as light as she could. “That’s… that’s good. His parents will be thrilled to meet her.”

Her mother looked at her carefully, her gaze soft but probing, as if she could sense the ache that lingered beneath her daughter’s casual words. “I thought maybe you’d be excited too,” her mother ventured, her voice gentle. “It’s been a long time since you’ve seen him.”

She forced a small smile, looking down at her hands as she fiddled with her napkin. “Actually, I was thinking about going to Buenos Aires for a bit. Just a week or two with Tía Blanca. I’ve been meaning to go see her.”

Her mother tilted her head, her expression somewhere between sympathy and exasperation. “You can’t keep running from this, mi amor,” she said, her voice tender but firm.

Her shoulders tensed, and for a moment, she didn’t know what to say. She knew her mother was right; every time she thought about seeing Franco, the old wound seemed to ache again, still raw, still fresh, no matter how many miles or weeks lay between them. But she wasn’t ready to face him yet. Not when the sight of him with someone else would only reopen everything she’d been trying so hard to let go of.

“I know I can’t keep running,” she said finally, her voice barely a whisper, her fingers twisting the napkin in her lap. “But I can now. And I can cope with that.”

Her mother sighed softly, reaching out to place a warm hand over hers. “Mi amor, one day, you’re going to have to stop protecting yourself from the things that hurt you. It’s the only way to truly move forward.”

She nodded, her throat tight, unable to meet her mother’s eyes. She knew her mother was right. But all she could think of was that moment in Monza, the echo of Franco’s words—But I love her. Words that still stung like salt on an open wound, even now.

“Maybe one day,” she whispered, more to herself than to her mother. But for now, Buenos Aires felt like the safest place to be—far from the memories, far from the impossible hope she still carried in her heart.

Her mother squeezed her hand gently before letting go, her silence filled with understanding. “Then go,” she said, with a small, knowing smile. “But you’ll know when it’s time to come home.”

And as she sat there, her heart heavy with everything she couldn’t say, she only hoped her mother was right.

A few days later, everything was sorted and she was ready to go to her aunt’s place.

She swung her bag over her shoulder, taking a deep breath as she stepped out of the house, the warm morning sun casting long shadows across the familiar dirt road. She was just two steps away from the car when she spotted it—Franco’s car, parked at the edge of the drive.

Her heart lurched, her mind scrambling, and she muttered under her breath, “No, no, no… please, not now.” She moved quickly toward her own car, fumbling for her keys as if speed alone could make her invisible. But before she could open the door, she heard his voice behind her.

“Oye, there you are!” he called, a wide, relieved smile on his face as he jogged over, his voice bright with the kind of joy she hadn’t heard from him in years. “I was hoping I’d run into you before you left. It’s been too long.”

She barely managed to keep her face neutral, clutching her bag as if it could shield her. “Yeah, well, I’ve got to get on the road. Don’t want to get stuck in traffic,” she said, opening the boot to toss her bag inside. She avoided looking at him, focusing on the small tasks—closing the boot, brushing off her hands, reaching for the door.

He took a step closer, his hand resting on the car door as if to keep her from leaving. “I’ve missed you,” he said, his tone softening. “You… you didn’t answer my calls after Monza. I didn’t know if… I just wanted to see you.”

She swallowed hard, glancing away as she forced herself to stay calm, the last words she wanted to hear sitting heavy between them. “That’s great, Franco,” she said, barely meeting his gaze, her words quick and mechanical. “But I really should get going.”

“Wait—” He looked at her, his expression slipping from surprise to concern. “Can we talk? Please?”

But she was already climbing into the car, her hands gripping the steering wheel as she turned the ignition. She couldn’t bear to stay, couldn’t bear to let him see her break again. “Take care, Franco,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper as she closed the door.

Before he could say another word, she pulled out, the tires kicking up dust as she drove away. In the rearview mirror, she saw him standing in the drive, watching her go, his face a mix of confusion and something close to sadness. She looked away, swallowing the lump in her throat as she focused on the road ahead.

But the further she drove, the harder it became to ignore the weight of all the memories tied to each familiar street and turn. Every signpost, every curve of the road reminded her of him—their childhood spent racing bikes and kicking up dust, lazy afternoons wandering these streets, dreaming of the future he was now living.

Tears blurred her vision as she drove, the memories rushing in like floodwaters, filling her mind with images she’d tried so hard to push aside: Franco at fourteen, laughing as he beat her in yet another race down the hill; Franco, younger still, sharing a quiet moment in the field just beyond town, his eyes bright with the dreams they’d both carried.

She wiped at her eyes, her heart aching as each memory pulled her further into the past, a past where they’d been inseparable, a past where she hadn’t yet realised what loving him truly meant. She could almost hear his laughter, feel his presence beside her, as if he were still the boy she’d known, before life had pulled them down different paths.

By the time she reached her aunt’s building in Buenos Aires, the weight of the drive had started to lift, the city’s pulse a welcome distraction from the quiet countryside. She parked and took a moment to gather herself, feeling the ache from earlier settle into something softer, something that no longer felt as urgent or raw.

Just as she opened the car door, a familiar voice called out.

“¡Mira! Is that really you?”

She looked up, startled, and felt her heart lift slightly. Standing by the curb was Angelo, an old friend from summers in the city. He had the same easy smile, his hair a little longer, his build a little broader, but his presence felt exactly as she remembered—warm and solid.

“Angelo!” She smiled, the weight on her shoulders easing just a little more.

He walked over, giving her a friendly hug before reaching into the car to help with her bag. “Let me help. You’re here for a visit?”

“Just two weeks,” she replied, trying to keep her voice steady as she glanced up at the familiar apartment building, a place that held a lifetime of summers, laughter, and memories untouched by the pain she’d left behind.

“Well, then,” he said, grinning as he hefted her bag easily, “we’ve got time to catch up.” His tone was light, but there was something else in his eyes, a quiet warmth that made her feel unexpectedly hopeful.

She followed him up the steps, comforted by his familiarity and the steady, unhurried way he moved, like he knew every corner of this building as well as she did. As they reached her aunt’s door, she felt her pulse slow, steadied by his presence.

The door opened before they could knock, her aunt’s familiar face breaking into a radiant smile. “There you are, mi niña!” She hugged her tightly, then turned to Angelo with a knowing smile. “And look who brought you all the way to the door! Angelo, you’re a sweetheart.”

He grinned, shrugging. “Anything for your family, señora.”

They all laughed, and for the first time in months, she felt a genuine ease settle over her, as if she’d left more than just a town behind—she’d left the weight of everything she’d been carrying.

As she glanced between her aunt and Angelo, the ache that had gripped her chest all day faded. The streets of Buenos Aires were bright outside the door, warm and humming with life. She breathed it in, feeling herself begin to let go of everything that had haunted her on that long drive.

Because maybe now that she was here, she could forget Franco.

to be continued…?

[manonsmartini]

Play Pretend — Sophia Laforteza

✒️ Fake dating · Rivals to lovers · Theatre au · Mentions of classism/nepotism · Coming-of-age vibes · Narration-heavy

Summary: Two rival theatre actresses agree to fake date for publicity. But as rehearsals blur the line between performance and reality, old resentment gives way to unexpected longing—and neither of them is acting anymore. (3.9k words)

You should’ve known she’d be casted.

The moment the audition notice went up for “Bahaghari,” a new independent sapphic play, something in your chest tightened. Not from nerves, at keast not entirely. It was mostly from experience. You could already picture the poster: your name in lowercase, hers in bold, stylized font. Laforteza. Even her last name performed.

You weren’t surprised when the cast list confirmed it. Sophia Laforteza, lead. Again.

Still, when she walked into the first table read, wearing a denim jacket too clean to have ever been secondhand, your stomach curled.

“Hey,” she said softly, tucking her hair behind her ear. She smiled like you were friends. Like history hadn’t built a wall between you.

You gave her a nod. Not cold. Not warm. Safe.

She sat across from you. Of course.

Her script was neatly annotated. Color-coded. Yours was a mess of scribbled notes, receipts, and coffee stains. The kind of chaos that comes from juggling rehearsals with part-time shifts and cramped apartment living.

The director began introductions. Sophia’s gaze stayed on you. Always just a second longer than necessary.

Sophia didn’t expect her voice to tremble when she introduced herself, “I’m Sophia. Uh, playing Eliza.”

She tried not to look at you, but the gravity pulled her in anyway.

In her eyes, you hadn’t changed. You still wore that tired confidence like armor. Still carried yourself like you belonged, even when the world refused to make space for you.

Sophia wanted to tell you how much she admired that. But she couldn’t even ask how you have been without sounding fake.

You didn’t smile. you never smiled at her. Not really.

Back in your teen years, Sophia used to sneak into small black box performances just to watch you. You were electric then—untamed, magnetic. It made Sophia ache in ways she didn’t understand at fifteen. Her mother called it envy.

It wasn’t.

Sophia looked at you now and felt the same ache. But deeper. Sharper. Lonelier.

The read-through was fine. Good, even. Lines flowed. Blocking made sense. The chemistry was there. You hated that it was there.

Afterward, during the production meeting, the director floated a suggestion.

“Since this is an indie production, we’ll need help promoting. Socials, vlogs, maybe some behind-the-scenes stuff. You two are the romantic leads… it wouldn’t hurt to build a little hype. Nothing crazy. Just—something authentic. Flirty. People love queer stories that feel real.”

Someone joked, “You two should fake date for clout.”

You laughed. A dry, incredulous sound. But then Sophia—of course she smiled, like it wasn’t the most ridiculous idea in the world.

“I mean,” she said, “if it helps the show.”

You wanted to say no, to walk out. But this play could change your trajectory. A breakout role. Finally.

So you said, “Fine. Just don’t get used to it.”

Her smile faltered for a second. Just a second.

Sophia held onto the softness of your voice when you said “fine.” Even if the rest of you was stiff and closed off. She told herself it was just for the play. Just press. Just art.

But at night, she replayed rehearsal moments in her head. The way your voice cracked at the end of scene four. The way your fingers brushed hers during a blocking adjustment. None of it made it into the script notes. But all of it mattered to her.

She posted a photo of you both drinking iced tea on the studio floor. Captioned it “Post-rehearsal recharge with my favorite scene partner 🤎”

You didn’t like the post. You didn’t comment. But you let her take the picture. She told herself that meant something.

You hated how well she played her part. The charm, the sweetness, the effortless smiles that made fans believe she was just like them. You’d worked your whole life to be seen; to be taken seriously. Sophia just existed and the world watched.

Still, when she wrapped her arms around you for a behind-the-scenes photo and whispered, “Tell me if I’m overstepping,” something in you flickered.

You didn’t pull away.

It’s past nine when rehearsal ends, but Sophia lingers in the back corner of the studio, sitting cross-legged on the floor, her script spread out in front of her. Everyone else has gone. Even the director.

You’re supposed to leave too. You have work in the morning. A borrowed train card in your coat pocket and a half-eaten granola bar in your bag. But something keeps you still.

She doesn’t know you’re watching.

Sophia hums softly, tracing her highlighter over the same line three times. Her hair is a little frizzy at the crown—humidity or sweat, perhaps both. Her sneakers are scuffed at the toes, which surprises you. You thought she replaced things the moment they wore down.

Then she speaks. Not the script. Her own words.

“God, I always trip over this one,” she says to no one, “The part where Eliza asks if love is supposed to feel this lonely.”

Her voice is quieter than you’ve ever heard it. Not projected, not polished. Just… her. Small and honest.

You step closer without thinking, “Isn’t that the best line in the whole play?” you ask, voice half a whisper.

Sophia startles slightly, looking up. She blushes, embarrassed, but she doesn’t hide the script.

“I guess I’m still trying to figure it out,” she says. “What that kind of loneliness feels like.”

You sit down beside her, keeping a respectful distance.

“You’ve never felt it?”

She shrugs. “I’ve felt… pressure. Expectations. But being lonely? I don’t know. Maybe I don’t let myself stop long enough to notice.”

You look at her then—not the theatre darling, not the girl with inherited grace—but someone who’s tired. Someone who keeps trying to earn a place she was already given, because she’s scared of what it would mean if she didn’t.

She turns to you suddenly, eyes earnest.

“Can I ask you something?”

You nod.

“Do you actually think I don’t deserve to be here?”

The question guts you. She’s aware.

You want to say yes. You want to cling to the narrative that keeps you safe—that she has it easy, that you’ve worked harder, that her softness is a mask.

But she’s not soft right now. She’s real.

You take too long to answer.

“I think…” you begin, voice careful, “I used to think you were only here because of your last name. And maybe part of me still does. But tonight—when I watched you during your scenes… I didn’t see your mom. I didn’t see the version of you I thought I’m bitter about.”

Sophia stares at you.

“I just saw you,” you say. “And honestly, it kind of ruined everything.”

You don’t realize how close you’ve leaned in until your knee brushes hers. She doesn’t move away. Both of you didn’t move closer though, but still, something shifts in your chest.

And for the first time, it’s not resentment blooming there.

It’s something warmer. Depending on how things played out, it was something dangerous.

In rehearsals, things shifted. Dialogue blurred. Stage kisses lingered. You told yourself it was method. Told yourself you didn’t notice the way she looked at you during every monologue, even when the script didn’t call for it.

She gave too much. She made you feel too much.

And the worst part? You started to believe it wasn’t fake. That maybe, just maybe, she was reaching for something real.

She stayed late after rehearsal one night, pretending to adjust lighting gels. Sophia sat on the edge of the stage, legs swinging, watching you work with quiet reverence.

She wanted to tell you everything. That her mother hated this play. That she hadn’t taken this role to impress critics or directors or social media.

Sophia had taken it for you. For the girl who once made her cry from a single monologue whispered in the dark.

Instead, Sophia just said, “You were incredible tonight.”

You didn’t look at her. “You say that every night,” she replied.

Sophia swallowed the lump in her throat, “That’s because it’s always true.”

You hear her name before you hear the words.

“…her mom’s helping fund the whole thing anyway. Sophia’s doing it for exposure.”

You’re standing in the hallway outside the rehearsal studio, holding a cracked water bottle and three hours of exhaustion in your bones. The voices belong to two crew members—chatting, careless. They don’t know you’re there.

“She doesn’t even need this play. But it’ll look good on her resume. And honestly, she and the other lead—what’s her name?—they’re not even close. It’s probably just for the clout.”

They laugh. You stay still. Not angry. Not surprised. Just… tired. Tired because you already knew.

You’ve always known Sophia could walk into any room and people would part like she was born to be there. You, on the other hand, had to learn how to take up space without asking permission.

You push open the door to the studio. She’s already there, sitting on the floor, tying the lace on her shoes. She looks up at you with that open face, soft eyes. Like she doesn’t know what it’s like to beg for a chance.

You sit across from her, silence thick between you.

“We need to run scene seven again,” she says gently.

You nod. No small talk. No fake couple chatter. You just want to get through rehearsal and go home.

Sophia felt it the moment you walked in. The distance. Like a wall had been rebuilt overnight and she had no idea how or why.

She watched you move through rehearsal like your body was a room she wasn’t allowed in. The chemistry was still there—technically. You hit your cues, you said the lines. But your eyes didn’t linger. Your hands didn’t tremble when they touched hers.

She didn’t know what she’d done. Afterward, she tried to catch you before you left.

“Hey,” she said, breath catching. “Did I… do something?”

You turned around, eyes dull with something like disappointment.

“You’re not doing this for the art,” you said quietly. “You’re doing it because you can. Because this play is convenient for you. You get to be praised for showing up. The rest of us have to scrape to get noticed.”

Sophia opened her mouth, then closed it. There was a pressure in her chest that she didn’t know how to name.

“It’s not like that,” she said. “I care about this. I care about—”

You looked at her, tired and small, “Don’t pretend you care. It’s insulting.” And without wasting another second, you left.

She stayed in the empty studio for a long time, staring at the spot where your shadow had been.

You knew you were cruel. The words came out sharper than you intended. But something broke when you heard those voices. And it had been building for weeks.

The touches. The long glances. The way Sophia looked at you like she was seeing something beautiful, something important.

You’d almost believed it. And that was the worst part.

You’d almost let yourself fall for someone who was only pretending.

The next few rehearsals are quiet. Efficient. Cold. You don’t post any more photos. You stop responding to on the old ones. Fans still tag you in edits, calling you soulmates, calling you perfect. You want to tell them they’re wrong.

But you don’t.

You just rehearse. You cry when the script tells you to. You kiss her when the scene demands it. And each time, you pretend not to feel her lips shaking.

The theatre was cold tonight. The kind of cold that settled in your bones, even under stage lights.

Sophia sat in the wings, out of sight but close enough to hear your breathing through the lav mic clipped to your collar. Her own hands were still trembling from the last scene. Her cheeks hadn’t quite cooled from where your lips had barely touched hers.

It was just blocking. She told herself that over and over.

Now came scene ten. The monologue.

She’d read it a hundred times in the script. She knew each word like a prayer. But the moment you stepped into the stage light and took that first shallow breath, Sophia felt something shift.

You were quiet for a moment, and then you began.

“I waited. I waited for you to choose me. But you never looked my way unless there was a script between us.”

Your voice cracked—not theatrically. Not with intent. It cracked like a dam splitting down the middle.

Sophia leaned forward, instinctively.

She knew the lines. Knew how your voice was supposed to rise at the fifth line, soften at the eighth. But you weren’t following the beats anymore. You were unraveling them.

“I pretended it didn’t hurt. I told myself you touched everyone that way. That your eyes just… looked through people. But I wanted to believe you saw me.”

Sophia’s throat closed.

The others backstage watched, riveted. A few whispered, awed at your delivery. But Sophia couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. Because what if it wasn’t just acting?

What if the shaking in your hands, the way your chin tilted up like you were trying not to fall apart—that wasn’t performance?

What if you meant it?

Your eyes were glassy now, but your voice held steady.

“I don’t want to be someone you just practice love with.”

The silence after that line stretched too long.

No one called “line.” No one stopped the run.

Sophia pressed her palm against her chest. It hurt. It physically hurt.

You stood there, shoulders drawn tight like you were holding yourself together with sheer will. Your breathing uneven. And then the tears came. Slow, silent, real.

Sophia bit the inside of her cheek. She wanted to run onstage and hold you. Break the scene. Break the rules. But she stayed hidden, letting the stage keep its illusion.

Letting you cry without her.

When the lights dimmed and the scene ended, applause broke out from the tech crew and the assistant director. Someone called you a genius. Someone else said it gave them goosebumps.

Sophia didn’t say anything.

She stayed in the wings, hands clenched in her lap, until you walked past her without looking.

She wanted to believe it was just the script that broke you.

But she knew better.

Opening night is a week away, and Sophia hasn’t slept properly in days.

She doesn’t tell anyone that she cried in her car after the last full run. Or that she nearly walked off stage when you performed your monologue with tears that didn’t feel fake.

She scrolls through old photos on her phone, the ones she never posted. A photo of you eating rice crackers in the dressing room. You mid-laugh. You resting her head on Sophia’s shoulder, eyes closed, trusting.

She wanted it to be real. All of it.

She wanted to say it.

That she didn’t care about the press or the PR. That this wasn’t just about building chemistry for a role.

She had fallen. Quietly, painfully, completely.

But now, she didn’t know how to prove it without making things worse.

Sophia’s mother calls, asking her how the show is going. Tells her not to get too attached to independent work. Says these things don’t last.

Sophia almost asks, “What if someone I love is in it?” But she doesn’t. She couldn’t.

She just stares at her reflection under the dressing room lights, wondering why honesty always felt harder than performing.

The lights feel warmer than they did during tech. Brighter. Hungrier.

Sophia stands in the wings, watching you center yourself before the opening scene. The theatre isn’t packed, but the front two rows are full—students, critics, some of your friends from school. Her mother is not here. She didn’t expect her to come.

Sophia’s heart beats too loudly for the quiet around her. She’s run the scenes, the lines, the beats, but nothing could rehearse the weight she carries now.

She’s been pretending all her life. Except for tonight, she really doesn’t want to. Not on this stage. Not with you.

You tell yourself it’s just another performance. That the scene ahead, the final confession, the one where Eliza lays her heart bare, is only a scene.

But your palms are cold. Your mouth dry. And when Sophia walks out to join you for scene eleven, something in your chest stirs and refuses to settle.

She’s radiant tonight. Not polished, not perfect. Real. Her hair tucked behind her ears, a nervous tremble in her fingers. Her eyes meet yours as she takes her place across from you, and for the first time, she doesn’t look like a rival.

She looks like a girl trying not to fall apart.

She was supposed to follow the script. The stage manager whispered the cue. The line was ready.

But when you turned to her, eyes already glassy, Sophia felt her breath catch. She had watched you cry in rehearsal. Had felt every word you poured out like it was her own confession. And now, standing this close, she couldn’t lie anymore.

Not even with a script.

So when the moment came for her to speak, Sophia went off-book.

“You think I don’t care,” she said, softly, shaking. “But I do. I care so much I forget how to breathe when you look at me.”

Someone backstage inhaled sharply.

You didn’t flinch. You stayed in it. Listening.

“I took this role because of you. Not to prove anything to anyone. Just so I could be near you. Just so I could… maybe matter.”

The audience didn’t know this wasn’t scripted.

Sophia didn’t care.

“It was never just play pretend,” You watched as Sophia’s eyes glazed with unshed tears and what looked like bold honesty, “It was never just an act for me.”

She breaks character. You can feel it. Not in a way that ruins the scene—no, in a way that makes it more alive than anything you’ve ever performed.

She’s speaking to you, not your character. Sophia, not Eliza. And something cracks open inside you.

“I thought you were pretending,” you say, voice quiet but steady. “I thought I was the only one who didn’t know how to fake it.”

Sophia’s breath catches. You step closer.

“Turns out… you were the only one being honest.”

Your voice trembles at the end—not from nerves, not from fear, but from something else. Something deeper. Like you’ve been holding your breath through the entire show, through every shared glance and staged kiss and carefully measured silence.

And now, finally, you’re exhaling.

There’s a beat of stillness after the line. Just the sound of your heart in your ears, and the faint hum of the lights above. The theatre is quiet. No movement from the wings. No music cue yet. It’s as if the world is holding its breath with you.

And it felt like a singular beat was released, just as Sophia takes a step closer to you.

Her eyes are glassy, but steady. Her hand lifts slightly, like she’s about to reach for your face—then pauses, giving you the chance to lean in first.

You do.

You close the space between you, carefully, slowly, as if you’re afraid the moment will shatter if you move too fast. Her lips meet yours, soft and tentative, like a question. And when you don’t pull away, when you kiss her back, real and certain, she answers you with a quiet exhale against your mouth, like she’s been waiting years for this.

The kiss deepens just enough to make your knees go a little weak. It tastes like unsaid things. Like hope. Like a promise. And when it ends, your foreheads touch.

Neither of you speak. There’s no need.

The lights dim to black, warm and slow, swallowing the stage in silence.

But long after the applause begins, long after the final cue fades, you’re still holding her hand.

And this time, it’s not for the audience. It’s for her.

The applause has faded. The stage is empty now, the kind of quiet that feels sacred. Crew members murmur softly as they strike the set, careful not to disturb what lingers in the air.

Sophia doesn’t leave.

She stands just outside your dressing room door, still in costume, arms crossed tightly across her chest—not in defense, but like she’s holding something in. Like if she lets go, the weight of the night will spill out of her all at once.

She’s rehearsing things in her head. Words she never found the courage to say, over and over again, hoping they don’t fall apart when they finally leave her mouth.

She doesn’t know if you’ll even want to see her.

The door creaks open.

You step out slowly, your coat draped over your shoulders, cheeks still faintly flushed from the last scene. Your lipstick smudged slightly. Your hair a little messy under the dressing room lights.

You look up and suddenly you’re faced with the one girl who has been invading your mind.

She sees it hit you—that she waited. That she didn’t leave.

Neither of you speak. For a moment, all you do is look at each other.

Her eyes are red-rimmed but clear. Open. Unafraid.

Yours are tired, but there’s softness in them. Searching.

And then something in you gives in.

You close the space between you without hesitation. No lines to guide you. No camera. No direction. Just instinct. Just want.

Your lips touch hers.

Gently at first, like you’re asking permission. And when she kisses you back, it’s with everything she’s been holding in for weeks—but in actuality, it has been years.

It’s slow. Tender. A little unsteady. Like you’re both learning how not to hold back for the first time in a long time.

When you finally break apart, her hands are still holding your waist, your fingers still curled in the collar of her shirt. Your foreheads rest together, eyes closed.

Neither of you rush to speak. But she does first, voice barely above a whisper.

“I don’t want to pretend anymore,” The words tremble, not from doubt—but from relief.

You breathe out softly, your nose brushing hers, “Then don’t.”

She lets out a quiet, shaky laugh, like she wasn’t expecting you to make it that easy. Like she’s still scared she’ll wake up tomorrow and it won’t be real.

But it is real.

You tilt your head back slightly to look at her. And this time, when you smile, it’s not guarded. It’s not polite. It’s not for anyone but her.

“I kept trying to hate you,” you say, voice low. “For all the chances you had. For everything I didn’t. But it was never hate. Not really.”

Sophia blinks slowly. You feel her breath catch.

“I know,” she says. “I was scared you’d never believe me. That you’d never see who I actually was underneath all the… all the things people think I am.”

You rest your hand on her cheek, thumb grazing the corner of her mouth.

“I see you now.”

And you do.

You see the way she’s always looked at you, not with rivalry, but awe. You see the nerves in her fingers, the softness in her voice when she forgets she’s performing. You see her: Sophia, not Laforteza, and the girl in front of you is not some distant star.

She’s yours.

Maybe not fully. At least not just yet. But enough to hold onto, knowing full well that she would gladly give herself to you.

Sophia leans in, gently brushing your lips again like she’s making sure it wasn’t a dream.

It isn’t.

You stay like that for a while. Holding each other. No lights, no lines, no cameras.

Just the truth. Just this. Just her.

[sevsevteen]

Being the only girl in an all-male group wasn’t just physically exhausting - it was emotionally taxing too.

There were moments you felt like you had to work twice as hard just to be seen, moments when ypu quietly stepped aside when the boys shared laughter about things you couldn’t quite relate to, and moments swallowed by your own tears just so no one else would feel burdened.

But you was observant.

If not talking, you were watching. Listening. Learning.

Over the years, you picked up on things that no one else noticed.

You knew Seungcheol hated the silence after an argument - it reminded him of his own pressure as a leader. So you’d hum quietly while folding towels or play a silly video loud enough for him to hear when things got too still.

You knew Wonwoo comforted himself with routine. So when he was upset, you'd nudge his favorite mug into his hands and sit beside him without a word, letting him talk only if he wanted to.

Hoshi needed to move when he was overwhelmed, so you’d tug him into the practice room and dance with him, no matter how tired you were. Even if it was just ridiculous jumping around until both of you were breathless with laughter.

Jeonghan needed reassurance - not in words, but in effort. So you’d help him brush out his hair, straighten his jacket or fix his mic, quietly showing him that you always had his back.

No one really asked you to do any of this. You just… learned. Because while it wasn’t easy being the only girl, these boys were your family.

But knowing them inside and out could also have it's own disadvantages - especially when the others couldn't see what you saw daily. There was a sense of responsibility you held to keep the members grounded, and sometimes things just won't work out.

Just like today,

The practice room was louder than usual. Laughter echoed off the mirrored walls as the members collapsed over one another, teasing Minghao about a behind-the-scenes clip that had gone viral.

“Come on, you were kind of stiff,” You watched Seungkwan chuckle, nudging Minghao with his shoulder.

“Stiff?” Soonyoung snorted. “Let’s just replay it, shall we? For educational purposes.”

The video played again - Minghao in rehearsals, looking a bit off-beat and dazed, clearly tired. The laughter grew louder, piling on, but you sat at the edge, smile fading.

Minghao laughed too, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

He kept his head slightly down, jaw tight, and though the corners of his lips were curled, you could see his fingers twisting the hem of his hoodie—an old habit you knew well.

“Okay, that’s enough,” you said softly.

“Relax, it’s just a joke,” Vernon waved off, still grinning.

“No, really. It’s enough.” Your voice was firmer this time.

You stood, looking directly at them. “He’s tired. He’s been practicing just as hard as everyone else.”

The room went a little quieter, tension flickering in the air. But before anyone could say more, Minghao stood abruptly, grabbing his water bottle.

“I’m gonna get some air,” he said, still smiling, but his voice was rough—like he was holding something back.

The door clicked shut behind him.

No one moved.

You let out a quiet breath, staring at the door.

“You didn’t have to snap,” someone mumbled.

“I didn’t. But he did.”

And that silence? It said everything. Because they all knew you were right.

Behind a joke, sometimes there’s a line—and tonight, they crossed his.

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