#no you guys don’t get it [explodes a third time] the beard is doing things to me [distant fourth explosion]

[erwinsvow]

i’ve watched mountain rest twice and it’s like bad but to me he’s soooo hot and i think it’s worth a watch for that. like basically he lives in the appalachian mountains (and has a horribly done but again kinda hot accent) and he’s taking care of this old lady. the old lady’s daughter who he grew up with comes home to visit with her daughter (natalia dyer) and they all kind of want him? the plot is very nothing burger but again he’s very hot and he calls the girl kiddo the whole time and that does things to me lmao

they all want him??? bitch me too the fuck. oh okay so basically I am going to watch it and just skip to the scenes he is in and watch the kiddo scenes 5000x times yessir sounds like a plan!!! thank you for this!!! he looks soooooooooo fine like sooo fine like [explodes] [explodes again] gonna ignore the plot it’s just my kidnapped reader pope

[harryspet]

our soulmate | b.barnes & s.rogers

[Warnings] steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes, soulmates au, poly, threesome, sex toys,  vaginal/oral sex, fingering, pregnancy, light bondage, angst, love triangle

A/N:This was inspired by an idea I got in an ask! I really wanted to write a poly story and the setting of the diner is what started this all. This isn’t really a dark fic like I usually write but hopefully, you all still enjoy it because there’s lots of smut. 

In which Steve and Bucky both find their soulmate at a local diner. 

word count: 3.3k

You had two regulars. 

Steve came when you worked the morning shift. You seemed to always be refilling his coffee mug and he’d give you the same warm smile every time that you did. He worked on his computer for that hour and every time you asked him about his work he would tell you it was “top secret”. 

He tipped very well and there were often times you did not want to accept the excessive amount. Steve insisted. You had told him how you were putting yourself through school. You had big dreams for yourself and the diner was supposed to be temporary. 

Supposed to be.

You’d been feeling stuck for the past few months and by the night time shift rolled around, you were counting the seconds until you could go home. 

Bucky noticed your mood as you were to close up by yourself on most nights. He’d order himself pie and then insist you take a break and eat it with him. You didn’t care much for sweets until your midnight desserts with Bucky. 

You had no idea your worlds would collide that one night. 

The thought of you had been on Steve’s mind all night. Every time he closed his eyes he saw you. There was no running from it now because he was sure his head might explode if he didn’t claim his mate right then. 

In the middle of the night, he drove to that diner but he found you sitting beside his old friend, enjoying a piece of cake. You had just laughed at something Bucky said but your eyes widened as you saw Steve break through the locked door of the diner. 

You stood up from the booth, “Steve, what’s going on?”

Steve’s eyes found you and relief spread through his body for a moment. Only a moment. He looked behind you to now see Bucky standing, “Buck?”

They knew each other?

You mentally cursed. How hadn’t you put the dots together? Bucky was the … Winter Soldier. 

“Steve? What are you doing here?” The words were taken right out of your mouth. It seemed neither of them expected to see each other. 

“For Y/N,” Steve started with little hesitation. His eyes narrowed at you and something in your heart twitched, “You’re supposed to be all the way across the country. Why are you here?”

You looked to Bucky as he spoke and you could tell something had shifted within him. As if he realized there was a storm coming, “I finished my mission a few weeks ago … now it seems I’m here for the same reason as you.”

“Wait, you’re both here for me?” 

Were you in Twilight right now?

Steve took a step toward you, his eyes locked on Bucky’s, “I hate to disappoint you Buck, but Y/N is my mate,” Your heart stopped as the diner went dead silent. You looked at Steve with wide eyes, blinking. 

This couldn’t be true. You didn’t feel a bond … 

“Steve-”

“No, she’s my mate,” Bucky said, practically growling. They both took a confrontational step toward you but you raised a hand toward both of them. 

You looked back and forth between them, “I don’t know what the hell is going on but … I-I can’t do whatever this is,” You could feel them tensing up, “I can’t have two soulmates. That’s impossible.”

“Apparently not,” Steve sighed, rubbing his temple.

“You could choose,” Bucky said quickly and you looked at him solemnly. 

“Bucky,” Steve warned, “You can’t say that.”

“Fine, choose or don’t choose. I’ll respect whatever decision you make.”

“We’ll respect whatever decision,” Steve emphasized. 

Your mind was racing, “I need some air,” You were about to walk past Steve but his hands graze against yours. The electricity shot so fast up your arm that you thought it might go numb. You flinched away from his hand. 

He wasn’t lying. 

You looked back at Bucky who was thinking you were a second away from rejecting him. You walked over to him and he held out his non-metal arm. You grabbed his hand and felt those sparks. Like fire but warm and comforting. 

Fate was truly a cruel mistress. 

+

“Meeting today?”

Steve nodded, sipping at the coffee you’d just made for him. So many things have changed in the last month. You used to serve him his coffee at the diner but now you were sharing his kitchen. It was the day of the week where he was pretending to be completely happy and in the moment. 

He gave you that warm smile but you could tell he was hurting. You walked around the counter to place a kiss on his cheek. He immediately pulled you into his lap so he could feel you for longer. 

You pecked his lips, giggling as his beard tickled your skin. 

You didn’t know you could love someone so fast. But with Steve everything felt natural and right. He spoke your love language and he was understanding. So understanding. After all, he gave up so much just so he could have you. 

“A quick one?”

He set his coffee down on the kitchen table and you knew exactly what that meant. You kissed Steve again, this time it was messy and passionate. You maneuvered on the chair so that you were straddling his lap. He held your neck, his finger sliding into your hair, using it to hold you in place as he began to attack your neck with kisses. 

You bit down on your lip to muffle the small whimpers threatening to leave your lips. 

You were grinding against his lap and you could feel his growing member against your skin.  

“Undo my belt,” He commanded you, letting go of your hair, and you were practically dripping at that point. 

You reached down to undo his belt. You made sure to let one of the straps of your nightgown fall down, exposing one of your breasts. You moved slow, fumbling with the materials of the belt before it was open, “Take out my cock,” You mentally cursed. 

You loved when he was demanding.

You started to undo the zipper on his slacks and his member was so hard that it was begging to get free. You hadn’t even touched him and he was already so read for you. You were gentle as you reached in to grab a hold of his member. 

“Can I … please?” You begged and Steve nodded. You slid your panties to the side, positioning yourself to be impaled by him. 

You were grinning and Steve had a wicked look on his face as you slowly slid onto him. He grabbed your waist as you moved up and down slowly, adjusting to him, “Fuck,” You accidentally let the curse word slip and you felt a slap on your bottom. 

Steve held your waist tight, starting to force you up and down faster, “Like that. Just like that, baby girl.”

“Yes, yes,” You moaned, bouncing up and down, “Steve … ah, I love it when you’re inside me.”

And that was how you started your morning. When you finally shuddered and tightly squeezed him, milking out his orgasm, you realized you’d both be late today. You kissed Steve some more as you got out of his lap. 

He hurriedly began to buckle his belt, “Did you pack?” Steve asked and you nodded. 

You looked at the clock above the stovetop. You only had five minutes. 

You kissed Steve again before hurrying up the stairs. You changed into some yoga pants and a comfortable t-shirt before grabbing the duffle bag that you had packed the night before. 

The doorbell had already rung when you were hurrying back down the stairs and you heard Steve answer the door. 

“You know, she never gets any work done when she’s with you,” Steve said to Bucky, his arms crossed as he stood in the doorway.

“I think you know why that is, Steve,” Bucky winked, only to get a rise out of Steve. Steve didn’t bite. 

“I’m being serious. The classes she’s taking are important. You shouldn’t be going on random adventures every single night-”

“Steve,” You approached the door, your heart giddy at finally getting to see Bucky, “It’s okay, I’m a big girl. I’ll get my work done.”

You opened your arms to him and you embraced for the last time for the next week. Steve kissed your forehead, “See you next week, kid. I love you,” He pressed a kiss to your forehead. 

You kissed his cheek, “I love you too.”

Bucky awkwardly cleared his throat. Steve stepped aside and you ran to Bucky. He embraced you tightly, his face in the crook of your neck just taking in your scent. After a long hug, Bucky grabbed your bag, “Let’s get going, Honey has been whining ever since you left.”

You pouted, wishing you could’ve taken her back to Steve’s. You waved goodbye to Steve before walking to Bucky’s car. 

You made it about two miles before Bucky had to pull over so you could make out without crashing. 

+

Bucky was a little more … sadistic than Steve. You had both already come once but he pressed the vibrator against your sensitive bulb, unrelenting. You were handcuffed to the bed frame with absolutely no ability to run. 

They dug into your skin so the more you struggled, the more they hurt, “Please, please,” You begged, “Please, Bucky!”

He muffled you with his lips, still keeping the vibe between your legs. You moaned against his lips as your third orgasm ripped through you. Your head tilted back, screaming in ecstasy, as Bucky watched closely. 

He finally let up as you begged him to stop. Bucky kissed you again, his cold hand moving over your body. 

“Had enough?” Bucky asked and you nodded quickly. 

“Can you let me out?” You asked, shaking the metal against the bed frame, “Please?”

Bucky smirked, “I think my phone is ringing in the other room. Hold on.”

Your eyes widened as he got out of bed and headed to the door.

“James!”

His laughter roared through the apartment. 

+

You felt sick the next morning so you stayed in bed with Bucky. Honey, Bucky’s two-year-old bulldog, was cuddled up between you guys as you watched something on TV. 

You felt a little embarrassed being sick like this in front of him. Bucky rubbed your back as you laid your head in his lap. You’d never felt this kind of nausea, it frightened you, and you tried to hide it. 

“Y/N, you’re incredibly tense,” Bucky noticed. 

“I just don’t feel well,” You spoke, not meeting his eyes. 

“Hey, look at me,” Your lips pressed into a thin line as you sat up. 

As soon as your eyes met, you felt it. You covered your mouth as you felt the bile rushing up your throat.

In a second you were out of the bed and running to the restroom with Bucky hot on your trail. He held your hair back as you bent over the toilet and puked out your guts. Again, he was behind you, rubbing your back in a soothing manner. You could sense his worry and also his confusion. 

You didn’t think you had any bad food recently. It all just seemed so random.

Like a sixth sense had suddenly kicked in, Bucky knew what was happening, “Y/N, when was your last period?”

You flushed the toilet, trying to collect yourself. You shook your head in disbelief before leaving the toilet room and to go to the sink. Bucky followed after you as expected. 

“Y/N?”

You stared at yourself in the mirror as you grabbed your toothbrush, “A few weeks ago, I don’t really remember.” You began brushing your teeth, just wanting the conversation to be over. 

“I’m not trying to rush you-

You spit into the sink, “I’m just sick.” You stated, finishing your routine. 

“Maybe to be sure we should go buy a test?”

You set down your toothbrush and braced your hands against the counter, “You don’t understand. I can’t get pregnant. That’ll just complicate everything!” You thought you might hyperventilate and that wasn’t making your nausea any better. 

“It won’t, if it’s true then we’ll all figure something out,” Bucky came behind you, embracing you in a tight hug. You let your head rest against his chest. 

“There’s always so much back and forth. You and Steven barely talk and when you do, you argue. If there’s a baby then … I don’t think this dynamic would work. It barely works for me. A baby’s mother shouldn’t be torn between two homes.”

Bucky thought for a long while and you were worried he might say something you didn't expect. And he did, but it surprised you in a good way, “We’ll all do it together, then. No back and forths. We settle down altogether-”

“I can’t ask you to do that, Bucky-” He only held you tighter. 

“You love us both and we love you, why wouldn’t it work?”

“What if the baby isn’t biologically yours?” You saw him grin in the mirror. 

“If Steve gets the first one then I call the next two,” You laughed at that, “Either way, we’ll all be a family.”

+

You told Bucky it wouldn’t be fair to take the test without Steve and each day, as you continued to miss your period, you knew Bucky’s suspicions could be true. A week later and a few more days of nausea, you were back home with Steve but Bucky hadn’t left this time. It was awkward at first, the initial greetings, but there was a lot less blood and fighting then you expected. 

Steve even brought up an old memory you had no clue about and got Bucky to smile when he thought about it. Bucky rarely did that. 

You finally came out of the downstairs bathroom, test in hand, and the two men immediately perked up from where they sat on the couch. They waited, the tension between all three of you even higher than when you first met.

You only nodded as you looked at them both, tears stinging your eyes. 

Their eyes went wide at the same time.”This is amazing, Y/N,”  Steve wrapped his arms around you first and then you hugged Bucky, “We’re going to have a little Steve.”

“Or a little Bucky.”

You could imagine the kind of terror a little Bucky would cause. 

“Thank you guys,” You said, grabbing one of both of their hands. 

“For knocking you up?” You nudge Bucky playfully. 

You looked back from both of them and, as a thought crossed your mind, you bit down on your lip. You felt your cheeks heating up as you looked down, “I know what you’re thinking,” Bucky squeezed your hand, “Go ahead, you can kiss him first.”

You stared at Bucky with wide eyes before turning to Steve, “No, kiss him first. I insist.”

“No, I insist.”

They were just teasing you at this point so you rolled your eyes, turned a bit to Steve and he leaned down to kiss you. You expected a peck but Steve’s kiss was hungry as much as it was soft. As you finally pulled away to breathe, you saw a sinister look on Steve’s face, a look in his eyes you’d never seen. 

“How about we see if you remember what I taught you all those years ago, Steve?” You gave Bucky a confused look but, you didn’t have time to react as he roughly pulled you into him. 

“Bucky-” You gasped as he suddenly wrapped his arms around you and threw you over his shoulder. 

“You’d be surprised to see how much I know, Buck.”

Bucky slapped your ass before he began moving towards the stairs, “Bucky! Put me down!”

You lifted your head to see Steve following, “Steve?”

“We’re going to be a big, happy family, right? Might as well get comfortable with each other,” You scowled, realizing the monster you had created. You could deal with them separately but, both of their tormentings, you weren’t sure you’d be able to handle it. 

You at least expected Steve to be the rational one and he was failing at that too. 

Bucky carried you up the stairs with ease and you knew exactly where he was heading. You stopped struggling, knowing your fate was inevitable. All of you entered the master bedroom and Bucky let you fall onto the bed with a thump.

You landed with a bounce and you scowled at them as you blew a piece of hair that fell into your face, “Rethinking your idea, sweetheart?” Steve teased you and you were about to say something snarky back when he grabbed you by your ankle. 

He pulled you towards the edge of the bed, grabbing the waistband of your leggings before you could even react. Both of their eyes were hungry and you started to feel heat between your legs. Something in your eyes changed then. 

You wanted them. Both of them. 

As your leggings fell to the ground, you sat up on your knees, before pointedly looking beside you at Bucky, “You, take your pants off,” You saw the smirk on Bucky’s face as you turned your head back to Steve in front of you, “And you, kiss me.”

Steve held your face in his hands as he kissed you hard. Your hands held his biceps and then moved down to the hem of his shirt. You needed all your clothes to be gone and soon. Steve got the hint and soon he was lowering his hands to lift up his shirt. You did the same and you cursed the moment that you had to pull away from him. 

You felt the bed dip beside you as Bucky positioned himself behind you, your back pressed against his front as you went back to kissing Steve. Bucky held your waist, his metal hand holding you in place and his other trailing between the fabric of your panties and your skin. 

“Won’t be needing these,” You heard Bucky say as they easily ripped off. 

His hand sunk between your legs as he felt the wetness between your folds. Bucky couldn’t help but think that they should’ve done this months ago. 

You were undoing Steve’s belt now and grinding against Bucky’s fingers as Steve’s hard cock finally sprung free. You were ready to devour it and as you opened your mouth, Bucky suddenly pulled you back further onto the bed. Two of his fingers sunk into you and you gasped, “Keep going, doll,” You looked back at Bucky who only smacked your bottom, “We both know what you can do with that mouth of yours.”

You grabbed a hold of the base of his cock, swirling your tongue around his tip, “Magic,” Steve breathed out, brushing your hair out of your face. You knew he loved it when he could fully see your face, “That’s what she can do.”

Bucky’s fingers moved in and out of you so fast you were sure you might climax already. You moaned onto Steve’s member as you finally took it into your mouth.

Steve held your face, starting to force you down deeper, and you gagged. As you did, Bucky’s fingers seemed to move even faster. It wasn’t long before you were tightening around his fingers, “Cumming on my fingers with a cock in your mouth?” You could practically hear Bucky’s smirk.

“What a naughty little girl we have,” Steve grunted out, shoving his cock in and out of your mouth. 

You felt Bucky at your entrance and you got no time to recover before he was sheathing himself inside of you. 

As you adjusted to him, Bucky began to pound into you from behind as Steve took you from the front. You were overwhelmed in the best way possible. They knew your body and how to treat it in every single way. 

Steve was so deep in your mouth when he finally finished that you were forced to swallow, “Good girl,” Steve praised you as he pulled from your mouth, Bucky grabbed one of your arms so he could pull you back further onto his cock. His warmth filled you as Steve placed soft kisses along your neck. 

“That’s our good girl.”

+

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[honeyheartsandkisses]

Best friend’s brother

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Gryffindor reader

One shot, 3k word count.

Summary: You have been best friends with Ron, Harry and Hermione ever since your first year in Hogwarts. But lately you’ve been feeling a little different about Ron’s older brother. You, Hermione and Harry have been invited to spend the last week of the school holidays at the Burrow. Could anything possibly happen between you and Fred?

“Oh welcome dear!” Mrs Weasley chirps, rushing out the door to greet you as you heave your heavy luggage out the trunk of the cab. “Leave your luggage dear, I’ll get the twins to bring them in for you.”

“Thank you for having me Mrs Weasley! I can’t wait to finally have your signature pumpkin juice again.” You give her a big hug before pulling away. Mrs Weasley erupts into a fit of giggles. “Oh you’re too kind dear. Come on in, Harry and Hermione arrived over an hour ago and Rons been wondering when you’d arrive.” 

As if on cue, your three best friends burst out of the front door, sprinting in your direction. Before you knew it, you crash down to the ground by the impact, the wind knocked out of you. The four of you burst out laughing, laying on the ground out on the lawn.

“You’re finally here!” Hermione says, before getting up to dust the dirt off her jeans. You follow suit, looking over at the boys still wrestling on the ground. 

“Did you guys miss me?” You tease, playfully kicking Harry’s leg.

Ron was the next to stand up. “I think ‘miss’ is a strong word. We simply wanted you to reach earlier because Hermione wouldn’t stop talking about the latest book she read.” He says with a goofy smile on his face.

Despite all the playful banter, you couldn’t be happier seeing your closest friends again. Your parents are muggles and you didn’t have anyone to talk to about the wizarding world. “Well, you can tell me all about your book Hermione. Its not your fault the boys are uncultured barbarians.” You say, rolling your eyes at Ron.

“Hey!” Harry protested, but only earned himself a playful slap on the shoulder from you. 

Just as the 4 of you were about to head back into the house, you see Mrs Weasley dragging Fred and George out into the lawn by their ears. The twins groan and protest, but fail to struggle out of their mother’s iron-like grip. “The two of you better help y/n with her luggage. After causing all that mess in the kitchen with your pranks, it’s the least you can do!” With that, she throws them out the front door, slamming it shut behind them.

For the first time of the day, your heart does a little backflip the moment your eyes fall on Fred Weasley. He's wearing a maroon sweater and black jeans, his hair in its usual messy state. Nothing has changed since the last time you saw him other than his left ear which was a little redder than the right from where Mrs Weasley pinched it. “Merlins beard that hurt...” He groaned, rubbing his ear. 

Your crush on Ron’s older brother was no secret to your three best friends. Your feelings for him surfaced just over a year ago when you were doing your final exams in the great hall and the twins flew in on their broomsticks, setting off fireworks in the great hall. Ever since that faithful day you couldn’t stop thinking about him. Be it bumping into the twins in the Gryffindor common room, or sitting near them during mealtimes in the great hall, all these small encounters made your heart skip a beat.

“Hey y/n! Great seeing you again.” George greets you with a big smile and the two of you exchange a friendly hug. “Ill grab the small trunk. Fred will handle the heavier one.” He smirks mischievously while his other twin lets out a loud sigh in defeat. You laugh at this, “I’ve missed you George.” You watch as he grabs the smaller trunk and hurries back into the house.

Fred, who is now standing in front of you, clears his throat loudly. “Ahem”

“Well, we’ll be inside waiting for you y/n! See you back inside!” Hermione chirps, steering a very confused Ron and Harry towards the house. You sent her a thank you message mentally. Right now, only you and Fred were left standing on the driveway, out in the cool evening air. 

You subconsciously run your hands through your hair, attempting to comb out any tangles from the earlier tussle with your best friends. “Hey Fred. Its great seeing you again.” You smile up at him.

“Not going to say you miss me too?” he bends forward, bringing his face closer to yours. This makes your breath catch in your throat. You lean backwards a little, feeling nervous and confused all at the same time. But this only makes him lean forward even more. Before you could catch yourself, you feel your weight shift and you lose your balance, falling backwards. In that split second, Fred grabs you around your waist and pulls you forward into him, allowing you to regain your balance. Your face now inches away from his, you freeze completely.

“Breathe y/n. You’re turning blue.” He laughs. Only then do you realize you had been holding your breath for the past few seconds. You quickly took a deep breath, before slapping his arm. “That was completely unnecessary!” Fred flashes an innocent smile, nearly making you hold your breath yet again. 

“What was?” 

“Oh you know exactly what i mean Fred Weasley. You complete arse!”

Fred continues to laugh, the most adorable sound you’ve ever heard. “Alright alright come on, lets get you out of the cold.” He says, swiftly lifting your massive luggage off the ground before leading you towards the house with one hand on the small of your back.

When you step into the house, you’re greeted with the glorious smell of Mrs Weasley’s cooking. She’d already started preparing dinner. You see your three best friends sitting on the couch, Ron and Harry at a game of chess while Hermione had her head buried in a thick book. You could hear the sound of laughter coming from the back yard and you assume George is out there playing with his two older brothers Charlie and Bill. 

“This way y/n. You’ll be sharing a room with Ginny and Hermione.” Fred says as he lugs your trunk up the stairs. 

“Right...” you reply, following him up the stairs.

Fred stops climbing the stairs and turns around to face you. “You sound rather disappointed y/n.”

“No not at all. I just—“ 

“Would you rather stay in my room?”

You stare at him for a few seconds, expecting him to burst out laughing or show any sign that this was a joke. But it never came. “Oh um... well it’s really kind of you offer but—”

“Ah bummer.” He says, before turning around to resume climbing up the stairs. Did Fred Weasley just flirt with you?

You reach the third floor and walk past a few other rooms as Fred leads you to the one at the end of the corridor. In one of it you see Percy hunched over a messy desk, scribbling away on a sheet of parchment. “Hey Percy! How’s work at the ministry—“ before you could finish, Fred pulls you away from the room. “Trust me, you wouldn’t want to get him started. We won’t hear the end of it.” He says, drawing circles with his index finger in the air next to his ear. This makes you laugh.

Soon you two reach the last room at the end of the corridor. Fred places your trunk in the corner of the room, right next to Hermione’s. “Well this is where you’ll sleep for the next few nights.” He says, taking a look around the room. “Trust me when i say it’s much cleaner than mine. George always leaves our room messy.”

“So George is the ONLY one messing things up in this house. You’re the obedient one.” You say sarcastically, knowing full well the two of them were always up to no good.

“I am, and always have been.” He winks at you, dropping down onto the mattress on the floor. The one you assumed was going to be your bed for the next one week. “Actually y/n there’s something i need to tell you—“ before he could go on, George pokes his head through the door, smiling mischievously. “Dinner is ready lovebirds!” He immediately disappears, laughing gleefully running back down the stairs.

You looked at Fred, raising an eyebrow as if to ask ‘What was that all about?’ He simply sighs, running his hands through his fiery red hair. “Um... we should probably go downstairs.”

Sitting at the overcrowded dinner table with Harry on your right and Ron on your left, a little part of you was dying to tell Hermione about what George said a little earlier. All this time you thought Fred only saw you as his little brother’s best friend but so many things have happened today, making you think otherwise. The dinner table is flooded with a feast whipped up by Mrs Weasley. Roast chicken, mashed potatoes, green peas, and of course, pumpkin juice. 

You take a long swig of pumpkin juice. “Thank you for the feast Mrs Weasley!”

She waves it off. “Oh don’t mention it dearie! Help yourself to the food everyone.” With that, everyone starts digging in. Mr Weasley passing the potatoes over to Percy, George using his wand to summon a plate of yams from across the table, everything was loud and messy. But this was what you loved about the Weasleys. 

Amid the chaos, you catch a glimpse of Fred, sitting right across the table from you, and your eyes meet. You feel your heart do yet another backflip, and you quickly direct your attention into scooping a lump of mashed potatoes onto your plate. 

“You feeling alright y/n?” Ron asked, giving you a weird look. “You've gone all red.”

“Yeah I’m fine.” You quickly say, hoping no one else noticed it.

Ron ignores you, pressing his palm on your forehead to feel your temperature. When this doesn’t work, he cups your cheeks. And when this doesn’t work, he feels your neck. “Seems fine to me.” He finally says.

“Look if you really need to check her temperature use one of these. Do you really have to put your hands all over her like that!” Fred explodes, magicking a thermometer from a cabinet across the kitchen. The whole kitchen goes silent, staring at Fred. His sudden outburst shocked everyone, even you. The playful, carefree boy had never exploded like his before. Fred looks around the table at all the eyes staring at him, turning a little red.

George is the first one to break the silence. “Well brother dear, it looks like you’ve finally let the cat out of the bag.”

Mr Weasley diverts his gaze from Fred to George. “What do you mean son?”

“Isn’t it obvious? Fred has a crush on y/n!” Bill says, laughing hysterically. 

“Good for you brother!” Charlie stands, shaking Fred’s hand. “Who would’ve thought our little Fred was capable of love!” This makes George howl with laughter, causing Fred to chase him around the kitchen trying to get him to shut up.

For the first time ever, Fred looked embarrassed. He’d played so many pranks in Hogwarts and received all sorts of punishments, but never once did he look embarrassed. This was a first. 

You couldn’t  help but laugh too. The entire situation was so embarrassing for Fred but it was so adorable at the same time. Harry leaned over and whispered in your ear “Should we tell him?” 

You shake your head. “I want to be the one to do it.” To this he nods, smiling gleefully. Hermione overhears this and gives you two thumbs up. You couldn’t possibly feel any happier than you do in this very moment. A million thoughts race through your mind. Fred likes me back? When did it begin? I can’t believe this!

“Now settle down boys! Leave him alone!” Mrs Weasley says, shushing them. The twins return to their seats, Fred as red as a tomato. He looks across the table at you, clearly searching for a reaction. Anything at all to signify you liked him back. You feel his gaze see right through you and your silly smile. Theres no way that boy doesn’t know you like him back.

After dinner Mr Weasley and Mrs Weasley do the dishes with a few swishes of their wand while all the children spread out across the house once again. Percy was back in his room busy at work. Bill, Charlie and Ginny watching a movie on the couch, though Bill was already half asleep. Fred and George were hiding away in their room doing God knows what. The mischievous twins were always busy planning their next prank. You, Harry, Hermione and Ron decide to sit on the benches out in the backyard, enjoying the cool night breeze. There under the blanket of stars, the best friends talk about the dinner scene. 

“Oh you have to tell him y/n!” Hermione jumps up and down, buzzing with excitement. “Its not everyday you find your crush likes you back!”

Ron folds his arms defiantly. “I still think y/n has bad taste when it comes to guys. I mean, of all people it just had to be Fred. The boys a fool!”

“Well why are you going to do y/n?” Harry asks, looking over at you. 

You keep your eyes fixed on the mesmerizing night sky, as though searching for an answer. “I really don’t know. I thought we’d talk about this after dinner but he’s hidden away in his room.” You let out a huge sigh before turning to look at Harry. “Maybe it was just a joke?” This made your heart sink. Your friends stay silent, all deep in thought. 

Hermione finally breaks the silence. “Well theres only one way to find out. You have to ask him.”

“I’d rather not find out.” You quickly stand up trying to shake the dreadful feeling threatening to consume you. “It’ll kill me to find out it was all just a joke.”

Just like that, sleep fell over the Burrow. Everyone tucked away under their blankets in their overcrowded rooms. After everything that happened you found it hard to fall asleep. Tossing and turning on your surprisingly soft mattress didn't seem to help and so you pull on your robe and decide to head on downstairs for a warm glass of milk. You quietly close the door behind you, careful not to wake Hermione and Ginny. When you turn to head on down the stairs you see Fred sneaking out of his room, gingerly closing the door behind him. He completely freezes when his eyes fall on you. Feeling slightly self conscious, you pull your robe tighter around yourself before quickly making your way down the stairs and into the kitchen. 

Pacing back and forth, you try to utilize the last 5 seconds you had before Fred joined you in the kitchen to brainstorm something to say. Anything at all. You turn around to pace the other way only to come face to face with Fred’s chest. “Hey there.” He says.

You tilt your head up to meet his eyes. “Oh hey. What are you doing out here?”

He grabs a pitcher of milk from inside the refrigerator, pouring it into two tall glasses. “I could ask you the same thing.” He slides one glass across the kitchen island to you. 

“Thanks.” You take it and swallow quickly, allowing the cool liquid to sooth your throat that felt like it was closing up.

“Truth is I couldn’t sleep.” He says, looking straight into your eyes.

“May i just ask you one thing?” You blurt out before you could stop yourself.

He nods, walking around the kitchen island towards you. “Ask away.”

“That thing that happened earlier... was it a joke?” 

He take a long sip and sets the cup down on the table before answering. “That depends.”

You frown. “What do you mean by that?”

“Did you want it to be a joke or did you want it to be real?” He looks down at you, taking one step closer. Your heart pounded in your chest.

“Why should that matter?” You say, taking a step back.

“If you wish it was a joke, its a joke. If you wish it was real, then its real.” He says, once again taking a step closer to you.

“You’re such a pain Fred Weasley. If you didn’t like me you should’ve said so. This is a pure act of cowardice.” You say, turning around to leave. But before you could make it two steps away from him, he grabs your arm, pulling you back with force. This makes you lose your balance and stumble backwards straight into him. His arms wrap around you from behind, leaving no escape. 

“Um... Fred?” You manage to say, your voice barely a squeak. Your heart raced. You could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. You guys were close but you’ve never been held like this before. 

He kisses your cheek, before slowly loosening his grasp allowing you to turn around to face him.

You touch your cheek where he kissed you. “Wha... what was that for?”

“I like you y/n.” You stare at him, in a complete state of shock. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you ever since we first met at platform 9 3/4. I’m sorry about dinner. That wasn’t the way i hoped you’d find out but it’s true. Everything you do drives me crazy. When you went to the Yule Ball with Ron it wrecked me.”

“You know we’re just friends Fred. There’s nothing going on between Ron and I.” You take his hands in yours and bring them around your waist. “I’m already yours.” 

His face twists into a smile, pulling you closer burying his face in the crook of your neck. He kisses your shoulder, then neck, and finally crashes his lips with yours. Your lips move in sync, and you feel yourself go lightheaded. The most wonderful feeling in the world. He lifts you up, placing you on the kitchen island and you wrap your legs around his torso.

“Wait!” You say, pulling away just before things could get too heated. “Can we take it slow? I just don’t want to mess this up.” Still sort of breath from the lack of oxygen, you place a hand on your chest to regain composure. 

He brushes away a lock of hair that fell over your eyes before cupping your face with his large hands.  “Anything for you darling.” 

“Darling?” You couldn’t help but let out a giggle. “I didn't think you had it in you.” You always imagined Fred wasn’t the romantic kind but it appears you were wrong.

He lifts you off the kitchen island, carrying you bridal style. “Oh you have no idea.” He walks all the way to the couch, setting you down. The two of you spend the next few hours talking and laughing by the warm fire, only falling asleep an hour before daybreak.

[nothing-but-dreamy]

ON THE EDGE ~ Pt. 4

Characters: Gavin Reed x fem!Reader; Connor; Hank Anderson;

Warnings: cursing

Words: 2668

Gavin was far away from being 'happy'. But he listened interested in what yn had to say in the briefing. He was impressed how much she had found out within … one day. She had a bunch of files, several papers and she also had prepared a report for each one of them with the important details. If Gavin had a good day, he could do just the half of it. If any.

"So, our guy is Joseph 'The Joker'.", she stopped as she saw Gavin trying to suppress the laughter behind his hand, "Come on, Gavin. Laugh. Or otherwise you will explode.", she said amused.

"That is the stupidest name on earth.", Gavin said chuckling.

Yn watched her partner who was looking so much better when he was grinning, "Yes, that's why I suggest we should call the whole case 'JoJo'.", just as she had said it, Gavin laughed out loud, crying with tears.

Gavin’s amusement was contagious and yn joined him while she pinched the bridge of his nose.

Even Hank started to rumble with laughter, "Yeah, we should take this name. It won't get any better, I guess. Where can we find this guy?"

"Maybe in a circus with clowns?", Gavin suggested still grinning.

Yn chuckled but shook her head to get back on track, "Actually, he deals in Liberty park.

*

Twenty minutes later, all four were sitting in the 'Liberty Park Café' for 'observation'. For normal people, it wasn't that easy to detect a dealer. But for three cops and an android, it shouldn't be that hard. At least, they could disguise their work with some coffee and snacks. Mostly, coffee.

The group took a table near a window to have the park in sight. It was snowing again and therefore, too cold to be outside for too long. Because they had no picture of Joseph, they had to rely on their observation skills.

"Could this be our guy?", Connor asked and pointed at a guy with long hair and a beard. He stood underneath a tree with his hands buried in the pockets of his long coat.

Yn took a grape of the fruit salad and threw it into her mouth before she looked at the guy. It was the third guy Connor had found suspicious, "Well…", yn started, considering the possibility but then, a woman appeared and walked straight to the guy. She hugged and kissed him before they wandered off with linked arms.

Gavin looked annoyed at Connor with crossed arms, "Wow, tin can, you're the best Investigator ever."

“It’s not that I could detect drugs from this distance.”, Connor defended himself.

“Then, I don’t see why you’re even here.”

“Because yn asked me-”

“You asked him?”, Gavin asked exasperatedly and looked at her with a dark expression.

She raised her hands in surrender, “He’s Hank’s partner so, of course, he’s on board. I’m sure he will play a good role in this case.”, she said and once again, she noticed Gavin’s mood. He was on the edge of the next outburst.

Luckily, Hank was this time the one who spotted the next suitable candidate for their suspect and stopped Gavin to say whatever he wanted next, “I guess, this could be our guy.”

The other three of the group looked at a guy in his twenties. He wore some pair of jeans with holes, a t-shirt of an old grunge rock band and a black, well-worn, leather jacket. His long, blonde, greasy looking hair was tied to a ponytail. He leant casually against a street lamp as if he was waiting for someone and at the same time as if he would have all the time in the world.

“It could be JoJo.”, yn said with a slow nod. His appearance coincided with the few details she had found in the statements. The hair, height and surprisingly, the t-shirt were the same.

“It could be just another guy waiting for a hooker.”, Gavin grunted. In his eyes, nothing of this was worth his time.

“Hey, JoJo!”, a guy on a bicycle called out and waved as he passed the grunge guy.

All three pairs of eyes were landing on Gavin who rolled with his eyes, “Oh, please! That can’t be true.”, he said and wiped over his face with his hand.

"So, that's our guy, then.", Connor said with a pleased smile. He was a big fan of having a clear suspect.

The group observed JoJo for a while. Hank ordered new coffee and as their cups were refilled, several people had passed JoJo. Some were just greeting him. Some had talked with him, maybe buying drugs, “Couldn’t we just arrest him?”, Connor asked.

“We could but if yn’s theory is right, he could lead us to his boss.”, Hank explained.

"He has a type.", yn said suddenly.

"A type? A type of what?", Connor asked confused. Somehow, he had the feeling that whenever he was learning one new thing there were two other things coming his way, like these human comments.

Yn looked at Connor with a grin, "A type of woman. He ignores the blondes. But he looks after the brunette."

"No!", Gavin called out and looked serious at yn. His brows were knitted together and yn saw his eyes sparkling darkly. There he was again: her all too protective partner… or at least, he tried to be that.

Her smirk grew bigger, "It's a good idea, I think."

Gavin gritted his teeth, "And I say, no!"

"What is going on?", Connor asked Hank low while he watched the exchange between yn and Gavin.

"I'm not really sure…", Hank answered.

Before Hank could speak out his assumption, Gavin was faster to explain, "She wants to meet him.", he said coldly.

"What?", Connor asked surprised and looked at yn.

"It's the best chance we have. I'll go over to him, flirt a bit and bug him. Then, we will get him and his boss. We will have a chance to get the whole circus. It won't take me more than ten minutes.", yn said smirking, leant back in her seat with crossed arms and watched Gavin almost exploding in front of her eyes.

"And my answer is no!", he called out, which caused the other guests to look at the small group.

Yn looked challenging at Gavin, "Good that I haven't asked you for permission."

"Then, I will go with you.", Gavin demanded, thinking of himself as smart.

Yn’s eyes grew big. She looked at her partner with a confused expression, "Are you nuts? How shall I flirt with him when you're around?", she said and gestured to him and his appearance.

Gavin saw something in her eyes, in the way she was looking at him. Not sure if he was right, if she was giving him a compliment in some way or not. Was it possible that she could see him in a certain way?

"I can go with her.", Connor offered and broke Gavin’s train of thought and the connection he had with yn.

"You?", Gavin asked spitefully and sizesing up the android.

"Yes... I could act as her servant android. Even now, there are still androids out there who are serving humans. It would be no big deal.", Connor explained.

Yn was already hooked, "Best idea!I told you he will play a role in this case. So, we have a plan. Tomorrow, we will bug this fucker."

*

“Gavin, no!”, yn called out. Again and again, Gavin wished he had listened to her instead of being hard headed to stop the crazy guy on his own. Once again, Gavin suffered through the events of the last case in his dream. And once again, he heard the shots from the guy. Then, he shot the guy on his own just to find yn lying on the ground bleeding. Gavin ran over to her, turned her around and tried to wake her up but she was already unconscious. He knelt next to her, pressing his hand on her bleeding wounds to stop the blood until the ambulance was coming. He even drove to the hospital to stay by her side.

Two long hours, he was waiting til the doctor came to him, telling Gavin that she was alright and would be okay. Gavin even waited til he could visit her in the room a few hours later. Slowly, and with shaking knees, Gavin went to her room, opened the door and slipped carefully in.

Gavin’s blood was running cold because of the scene in front of him. Next to yn’s bed sat Connor, holding her hand in his with intertwined fingers. Yn was already awake, looking at the android with a love filled glance. Connor looked from yn at Gavin and back at yn, “Look who’s there. Gavin came to see you.”, Connor said softly.

“Gavin? Who’s Gavin?”, she said without even looking up…

It was three o’clock in the morning and Gavin started up from the dream, from the nightmare, with a racing heart. Once again, he was soaked with sweat. He raked his fingers through his wet hair and without a second thought, he stood up to go into his bathroom. He splashed cold water into his face several times. As he looked up into the mirror, he saw a pale guy with dark shadows under his eyes. Gavin grabbed a bottle of shampoo and threw it violently into the shower, “This god damn, fucking android!”, he yelled out. Within a few days, Connor had been able to get closer to yn. Gavin feared this android would be even able to win her over. Maybe Gavin should gather all his courage to speak with her as long as there was time or otherwise, the android could snatch her from under his nose. But how should he do that without risking their friendship?

*

Yn rummaged through her bag with clothes. She already wore some leather boots, a tight fitting and low cut, black jeans and searched for the blood red tank top. She had made her hair and she even had put makeup on with too much mascara and eyeliner for the most dramatic look. Yn found the tank top and donned it over her head. As she pulled it down, a movement in the mirror caught her attention, "Voyeurism, huh? That's a crime.", she said, smirking.

Gavin closed slowly up to her with his hands stuffed into his front pockets of his jacket, "I know. We worked on some of these cases. Listen-", he said softly, collecting all his courage and searching for the right words.

"I know what you want to say and yes, I will be careful. Connor is by my side. You and Hank on the other side of the street by the café. Nothing will happen. This is easy. You don't have to worry this much.", yn said reassuringly while she donned her leather jacket over the top. The outfit would be a bit too cold for the weather but she wanted to flirt with the suspect and so, she had to show off some skin. She even pulled down the top some more so that her décolleté got more visible.

Gavin’s eyes fell on that view which caused his mind to go blank for a moment. All in all, she was very distracting, dressed up like this and he had difficulties to focus back on what he actually wanted, "Uhm… I… It's just... There's something I have to tell-", he tried insecurely, not sure if this was a good idea at all. If Gavin would go this way there was no going back and he knew that.

The door of the locker room opened once again and Hank took the decision away from Gavin, "Yn, Fowler wants to see you.", the Lieutenant said and left again.

"Coming!”, yn called out as a response and stowed away her bag and stuff before she turned back to Gavin, “Get ready. We will leave soon.", she said with a soft pat on his chest and a smile on her lips.

Gavin looked after her. He huffed out, annoyed about himself as the door opened once again. Yn’s head appeared in the door, "Oh, and, by the way, this shirt you wear? It looks very good. The color suits your eyes.", she said, winked at him and left again. Gavin smiled softly and felt his cheeks getting warmer. He was sure that she had no idea what she was doing to him but he enjoyed these small moments. They were all he got.

*

Then, it was showtime. Hank and Gavin stood across the walkway at a bar table with two cups of coffee to go as a disguise to be able to watch the scene. JoJo was already there, leaning at the same street lamp like the day before. Now and then, he greeted someone. Then, Gavin watched yn coming down the way, still in some distance. She said something to Connor that let the android chuckle. Connor looked down at yn with a huge smile and as she looked up at him, her smile was matching the android’s one. Pain shot through Gavin as he got reminded of his dream from the night before. It was a horrible nightmare with an end that never happened like this but his mind was determined to let him suffer even more. As if it wouldn’t be enough to get reminded of yn being shot all the time. No, now the android had to be in his dreams, as well.

“It’s good that Connor kept his LED ring.”

“W-what?”, Gavin asked. Hank had pulled him out of his thoughts and this time, Gavin was thankful for the old man to be there, even if he would never admit that loudly.

Hank nodded into the direction of Connor and yn, they almost had reached JoJo, “I mean without the LED ring, Connor would look more like her handsome boyfriend than her servant.”, Hank said amused.

Gavin observed the two and wasn’t happy what he saw. Connor was dressed completely in black and with his height he looked like a bodyguard. The way they interacted told that they seemed to be very close to each other. Gavin was looking forward to the end of this bullshit, his nerves were already blank but the case just had started. It would last a bit longer til everything would fall back to normal again without Connor and Hank being around them all the time.

Then, yn passed JoJo and as she had expected, the dealer was looking after her. Much to her delight, he even whistled after her as she swayed her hips a bit more provokingly. Yn stopped and turned around. JoJo was confident, very confident, he smirked at her and wasn’t impressed by Connor as he stepped a bit forward. Yn gave him a sign to stay where he was before she walked over to JoJo with a flirty smirk on her lips.

The longer she was talking to the dealer, the more Gavin became nervous. It got on his nerves to see JoJo coming closer to yn step by step. She was laughing about whatever he said. She leant forward to be closer to him whenever she could. And Connor just stood there, observing the scene, looking out for her - as planned.

Hank noticed that Gavin was annoyed by the scene. Since yn had began to talk with JoJo, Gavin had started to torture his empty cardboard cup. He was drumming on the lid and scratching on the material the longer the whole scene lasted.

As JoJo touched yn on her hip while he leant forward to whisper something into her ear, Gavin squashed the cardboard cup completely with his knuckles turning white.

"You know, Reed, that's the reason why you couldn't do Connor's job.", Hank said and pointed at Gavin's hand.

"Shut the fuck up.", Gavin muttered angrily and just relaxed as yn and Connor left the scene finally.

[phoenixyfriend]

I am seized by a fatal need for courtroom ninja drama fic

But not serious courtroom drama. I'm talking Phoenix Wright style Nonsense.

(Some of this was provided by the folks over in @sloaners​‘ server, but the bulk of it was me spitballing nonsense at people who actually know the games, which I do not. I do paraphrase a few times to make it more feasible as a tumblr post/fic concept, rather than a rapidfire text conversation.)

Or one of those like. Reality TV paternity test things? But specifically in my mind the people involved in the actual paternity are a married couple and someone that joined them to be their third, and Clan Elders are throwing a fit about how the baby might not be the heir by blood! while the actual parents are like "I could not care less, this is our child, all three of us, please stop getting involved."

HashiMitoMada would be a VERY good option for the paternity nonsense, mostly because I can see Madara screeching at his own elders about how he already said Izuna would be his heir and he's not changing his mind!

Tobirama is just begging the paternity test to work faster off-screen because he's the only person with the machines to make it happen.

(Hashirama is just. Moping in a corner.)

"I just had to INVENT a paternity test that works before the birth! I had to figure out how to test amniotic fluid! If you assholes make me do something this stupid on such short notice again, I will be digging some shallow graves!" "...for who?" "I haven't decided yet."

Anyway, jumping back to like a Phoenix Wright-style murder investigation.

The victim was Danzo. Even the prosecution isn't actually that interested in making sure someone gets arrested, but they're legally obligated to do at least try. A bunch of people all acting really suspicious about who killed him. There is at least one shitty fake mustache-on-glasses disguise to provide a paper-thin alibi.

WAIT The other thing this gives us is ninjas in three-piece-suits but half of them wear the suits wrong. I’m talking mismatched buttons. The wrong way of tying their tie. Sewn-on-cufflinks. This is Naruto, for instance.

Tobirama would wear it properly, except he's rushing about in a lab coat, screaming at everyone to get out of his way because he's The Entire Forensics Team.

(This is the part where I have to confess that I have only seen the live-action movie of Phoenix Wright, as I don't game, so I just have the live action and tumblr osmosis.)

At this point, of course, we gotta ask: Who is the most Belligerent Witness And who is the Helpful™️ Witness that's super enthusiastic but entirely useless

I can see, say, Mito being a solid witness that both defense and prosecution are really thankful for.

Modern gen you have like... Sasuke and Neji are both incredibly belligerent witnesses. Neji at least is polite about it but pulls the "only answers with the absolute minimum of information."

Lee and Gai would have the over enthusiasm but forget to say actual vital testimony until pressed, and Naruto would love to help but might not be entirely sure what the case even is.

Shikamaru falls asleep when the lawyers consult their partners. Prosecution A consults Prosecution B for thirty-seven seconds, then turns around and the witness is asleep at the stand.

Tobi (as in Obito with mask) is an incredibly frustrating witness. They have to declare a recess just so all the lawyers can recover their blood pressure. "Can we please get someone up on the stand with this guy as a handler? I'm--I'm going to explode."

Gaara: Helpful. Polite. Answers with detail. Answers the spirit of the question as well as the letter. Includes more detail. That's too much detail. Gaara please stop telling us about the sounds that bones make.

His testimony just drags on forever.

Ninken can and will take the stand! Pakkun even enjoys it! Some ninken require translators.

ABURAME TRANSLATING FOR A RANDOM GIANT CENTIPEDE THAT WITNESSED A MURDER IN THE FOREST OF DEATH

There are arguments about whether or not the testimony can count since nobody else can confirm the translation except Other Aburame so how do they know the Aburame aren't part of the coverup.

"Okay, so this Danzo guy had like fifty shell companies but I think I found the route that leads back to him?" "Nah, that one goes to a guy that died eighty years ago that's still collecting pensions: his family lied and said he was still alive for the money." "Fuck!"

Also I just. I love the idea of Sasuke and Madara being the exact opposite kind of belligerent witness.

Also, Orochimaru answers with pretty much the exact kind of wording as Gaara, but where Gaara is trying to be helpful and provide detail for the sake of the case, and failing to see that it's maybe not necessary, Orochimaru just wants to see people squirm. ...similar thing happens with Sakura and Kabuto. Similar phrasing, very different energy.

I keep picturing all of Team Taka as part of Forensics and Evidence Collecting ajshakshjd

Juugo, holding up a rabbit: I found a witness.

Karin joins forensics and Tobirama nearly weeps from joy until he finds her criminal record "Shit, that was supposed to get thrown out when I turned eighteen."

Tobirama: I asked for an assistant, not a criminal. Karin: I'm on parole. Tobirama: That makes things worse. Karin: I know how to use a [concerningly advanced machine that I, a business major, cannot name]. Tobirama: ...never mind, I'm keeping you.

Karin: I know how to DNA sequence AND use LA-ICP-MS Tobirama: [weeps with joy]

Suigetsu would be great at blood splatter analysis. ...I think I read somewhere that blood spatter analysis is actually over in 'fake science that's pushed by cops and media but actually doesn't work' BUT apparently it’s in the Ace Attorney games so we’re going to ignore reality a bit. We’ve already got dogs and rabbits and centipedes as witnesses, what’s a bit of blood spatter?

He's also probably really good at cause of death stuff? Like looking at corpse and figuring out how long it took the victim to die, which blow did it, whether any damage was inflicted post-mortem, etc.

Sasuke is usually too busy playing Belligerent Witness but sometimes goes to join Taka for... uh... reasons.

Juugo: [takes the stand] Lawyer: Hey, uh, why's that Uchiha guy with him? The witness-- Judge: No, no, we need Uchiha Sasuke on hand when questioning Expert Animal Handler Juugo. Lawyer: ...why? Judge: Property damage.

(Sasuke as a work partner with Juugo, also moonlighting as a witness/suspect in Danzo's murder.)

One time they need Juugo but can't find him even though court is already in session and he said he'd be here, turns out he was lured away by Kakashi's army of dogs. Kakashi didn't notice until he turned to ask Pakkun if he could help find the missing expert.

Juugo is a decent lab assistant, I think?

Anyway.

Tobirama taking on Team Taka as his forensics team while Orochimaru is... hm... traveling the country to promote his new autobiography, which is outselling the newest Icha Icha to Jiraiya's ire.

Sloane suggested “a case where it's all the Sannin as suspects in a murder. They would be THE WORST, say... the murder of Hanzo.”

To which I suggested “The Sannin are all suspects but the people on trial are the Ame trio, maybe?”

Which garnered the response of “It could be a surprise upset IN COURT that the trio should be on trial.”

We love a court upset.

Suigetsu finds out that the cause of death was actually an entirely natural heart attack, but while he was determining this, the rest of the team and the lawyers found like eight conspiracies by Zetsu, three by Danzo, four by Orochimaru, and an entire network of nonsense by Sasori.

INO IS THE PSYCHIC. I know her thing in canon is reading minds but pls. Ino is Maya. The Spirit Medium.

Is the judge: 1. Hiruzen 2. Hashirama 3. Hagoromo 4. Mifune 5. The Daimyou

(Old dude with authority, optionally easily distracted/questionably competent. I'd have gone for impressive facial hair but only Mifune and Hagoromo have more than like... Hiruzen's weird soul patch.)

It's not a soul patch but I don't know what facial hair is called and I can't just call it a goat beard

Response commentary was as follows: The Daimyou would unfortunately be closer to the personality of the ace attorney judge, more blindly agreeing with things that sound good :joy: Hiruzen could be fun if only for the competing facial hair for a beard, yes xD Hagoromo would possibly be most buckwild tho WELCOME TO MOON COURT

I managed to get this far with like... NO idea who the judges were except “IDK maybe Kakashi?” but consider:

...HashiMada rival lawyers

Dropping over to Izuna vs. Touka for when Hashirama and Madara inevitably become suspects of something or other themselves and have to be witnesses.

(Tobirama's too busy running blood tests, Anija, let Touka handle it, she's better at people anyway.)

...Hashirama is like. Marginally more put-together than Madara, right? So that... makes him Edgeworth... somehow... That feels wrong but Madara as Edgeworth feels even more wrong.

Madara is very into screaming OBJECTION

ALSO consider: Friction when a doctor from a nearby hospital gets called in to provide expert testimony on something because Karin is like "no hey I should be the one doing this" and then she sees how cute Sakura is.

But also at some point Kakashi vs. Gai for a nonsense case. Their personalities are both VERY FUN for this sort of thing.

[haloud]

day 7- uranus

Michael rolls his head over the back of the lawn chair, closing his eyes, letting all the tension out of his neck and shoulders. Then he blinks his eyes open, staring up at the stars. They’re faint, light pollution from the nearby town, his eyes too unadjusted thanks to the crackling fire at his feet. He’d have to stare straight up for a long time to pick out most of his favorite stars, but the Big Dipper is an old friend, so he’s content.

A car pulls up, and then there are footsteps on the gravel approaching him. He takes a second before looking up. He likes it, that people know they can find him here in the early night. Likes that people do.

“Hey, uh…Michael?”

Michael sits up so fast he cricks his neck at the sound of Max’s voice. Wincing, he rubs it and says, “Well look what the Chupacabra dragged in.”

“Um, yeah,” Max says, doing that awkward thing he does where he rubs the knuckles of both hands together, a nervous habit he’s had most of his life. Michael kicks the chair next to him.

“Sit down, stop hovering.”

Max sits. His long legs sprawl a little too close to the fire, but Michael doesn’t say anything that might get mistaken for nagging, for taking too much care. Anything that might start a fight.

“So I’m guessing you noticed I’ve, uh, not been around a lot lately.”

Michael gropes for a beer from the sixer at his feet and pops it with his brain, taking a deep swig. If Max wants one, he can ask for it, he thinks mulishly, then hands him one anyway.

“You could say that,” Michael says shortly.

“I’m…sorry. I…learned something about our history that I don’t know how to…”

“Oh yeah?” Michael drawls. “’Bout six foot one, beard oil connoisseur, really shitty accent he thinks no one can tell is fake?”

“No, not him. This is something a little closer to home. And I didn’t know how to talk to you about it, so I…but that wasn’t fair to you. Trust me, I’ve heard that plenty from Isobel and Maria. Even Alex dropped by the Pony to give me a piece of his mind.”

“Oh yeah?” Michael says, keeping his voice impressively level. The idea that anyone would stick up for him over Max ignoring him is…not something he knows what to do with.

“Yeah, man. Scary stuff.”

Max laughs without a shred of humor, chugging half his beer at once.

“Okay, now I’m worried,” Michael says. “Just spit it out, man. I’m sure it’s nothing worse than any other shit we’ve dealt with. I am numb to bombshells at this point.”

It’s a long time before Max says anything else. Michael finishes his beer, doesn’t grab another one, just watches the leaping flames in Max’s eyes.

“A few months back when Sheriff Valenti was after me for killing Noah, she sat me down to talk about all the ways I fit the profile. Y’know, uh, white male, 18-40, anger issues...One of those ways was, uh. Troubled childhood. Tried to tell her my childhood was fine, but she pointed out that wandering the desert naked at seven years old isn’t exactly a lack of trouble. Turns out she was the deputy on our case, back then.”

“Huh.”

Explains a few things about the way she used to look at him every time he got hauled in, before she just got used to it.

“She told me that she came to see us in the group home the day Isobel and I were adopted.” Max takes a deep breath.

Stop. Michael wants to tell him to stop. Doesn’t want, doesn’t need to hear what comes next. Doesn’t remember that day, doesn’t have to. He knows, enough, from what people have told him. Can hear the screams, see the red on the walls.

“Good for her,” he grunts.

“She told me that—fuck, Michael, there’s no good way to say this—she said that. That I was the one screaming and drawing on the walls, that you…you calmed me down, but…it was too late, and the Evanses had the wrong idea, and that’s why you were left...” Max chokes off, puts a hand over his eyes. Michael doesn’t have to have his and Isobel’s connection to recognize the awful emotion crushing him.

Michael opens another beer.

“Say something,” Max almost begs.

“Why.”

Michael has to swallow around the lump in his throat, his rabbiting heartbeat.

“Why even tell me this? What fucking good does it do? I can’t—you can’t—nobody can change what happened, even if I believe you—”

“You deserved to know.”

“I wish you hadn’t told me. Since when does the world give a fuck about what I deserve?”

Max flinches. It doesn’t make Michael feel any better. Just like putting a fist in his face wouldn’t make him feel better, and neither would screaming at the world for not being fair. He did a lot of that when he was a child and still believed in a few things that might be listening.

He doesn’t take another beer, if only because only something stronger would put a dent in the feelings he wants to drown, and he doesn’t keep any of that shit around.

“Whatever. It all worked out in the end, yeah? The guy who doesn’t murder people with his hands got the short end of the stick and was therefore responsible for disposin’ of a few less bodies. Highlight of my fuckin’ life, that one. You’re welcome.”

His mind doesn’t go easy on him, whirling with images and thoughts from Max tied to the bed, Max exploding and killing Father Davis to, absurdly, would Alex have ever noticed me if I was preppy Michael Evans. He laughs just to do something with his mouth that isn’t screaming, clenching his left hand into a fist and squeezing the knuckles, though it isn’t as much of a distraction now as it used to be, without the pain.

“Hey, you wanna thank me, make me some business cards—Michael Guerin, mechanic, gravedigger, and total fuckin’ mug—”

He breaks off into more laughter, until he’s bent double, clutching his knees and wheezing.

Max hasn’t said a fuckin’ word.

“Well?” Michael demands, straightening up, looking Max in the eye.

“I don’t know, Michael, I don’t know! I don’t know what to do with any of it, I don’t know what to do with, with you, with everything you’ve sacrificed for Isobel and for me, I don’t know how to be worthy of it, I don’t know how to thank you, I don’t, I don’t know.”

Michael rocks back in his chair, face pointed up at the sky again, drinking in the constellations until he covers his eyes with his hands and lets out a shout of frustration. Everything around them not bolted down lifts and inch and slams back down for emphasis.

Calmer, then, Michael says, “We were seven year old newborns. I’m pretty sure I didn’t do it for gratitude.”

“No, you couldn’t have. Which means you just did it on instinct. It’s just who you are. You protect us, and we, and we…”

“Don’t,” Michael cuts him off, wearily. He doesn’t need to hear any self-recriminations.

“No, Michael, come on. The things you’ve done, the ways you’ve been hurt, you…there aren’t words to describe the gratitude, I just...Thank you, Michael.”

The only sound after that is the crackling fire, and in that silence, Michael floats Max over another beer.

It would be easier if Michael could resent him. If he could want to go back and do it all over again without knowing in a place deep enough in him it could be his cells or a sickness that he’d do the exact same thing, go through all that hell a second time, a third.

“Nobody can change the past,” he says eventually. It’s something Sanders used to say to him any time he made a mistake, when he was just a kid and learning and not a certified ace mechanic who ought to know better. It’s weird, to Michael, right here and right now, having the wisdom of somebody else in his mouth.

This life hasn’t had all bad things.

“But we can try and change the future,” Max says. “I know I’ve done a hell of a job of it these past weeks, but I don’t want to pretend like we don’t know this. I want things to be better between us. I want to be a better brother.”

“Oh yeah? Like how?” Michael’s voice slips into mockery; he doesn’t try to prevent it. “Find me a job that you don’t want? Toss me a hand me down phone when you get an upgrade? Biweekly pity parties? Been there, done that, was given the t-shirt against my will.”

“Yeah, okay, maybe! Just not like that, man, we’re not kids anymore. Maybe we could, I don’t know, try to figure out what being better means together? No more sacrifices. No more charity.”

Michael picks at the label of his latest empty bottle. 

Voice quiet, almost inaudible over the crackle of the fire, Max says, “Dude, my heart only beats because of what you did for me. I came back to life knowing that. This just puts it into perspective.”

“I didn’t do that alone. Liz and Valenti were just as important. More. Rosa kickstarted you. I was just the assist.”

“Michael.” 

“What?”

“What do you need from me? What will help you understand how much you mean to Isobel and me. It’s not charity, man. It’s family. We keep saying that, but I think we need to do a better job defining it, you know?”

What does he need. It’s such a rare question he doesn’t know the answer.

“Free drinks at the Pony for life, a nice, cozy alibi, and your head on a pike instead of mine when Maria finds out.” he says.

Max laughs, the sound strained but genuine, his head thrown back to face the stars.

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Don’t Worry, Be Snappy!

Summary: Amber finds herself stranded on a boat with Mike Weiss…and as anything where Mike is involved, it all gets a little crazy!

Warnings: Bad Language words.

A/N:  As it is past midnight here in the UK here it is!

BEWARE- This is utter, utter nonsense. You’re about to get an insight into exactly how stupid mine and @icanfeelastormbrewing​ ‘s minds and brain storming sessions really are. But it made us laugh, and we hope it makes you laugh too.

Written especially for @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ for her birthday! Happiest of days to you Ambi, we love you lots!!!

Fic Song: Don’t Worry, Be Happy by Bob Marley 

Now listen to what I said, in your life expect some trouble, when you worry you make it double. But don't worry, be happy, be happy now

 The problem with Mike Weiss is, well, just that he is Mike Weiss. Total crackpot, in more ways than one. Which was why Amber found herself one sunny July afternoon sailing down a literal creek without a paddle as they searched for his pet alligator. Mike had been struck by a sudden idea the previous night that it would be nice to take Snappy to the Everglades- “So he can associate with his own kind, learn so alligator social skills”

Of course, despite Mike’s protests to the contrary, Snappy was instinctively a fucking wild animal. So as soon as Mike had dropped him into the water he had slunk off into the weeds and completely ignored (again, not surprisingly) Mike’s calling of his name.

“Why did you let him go Mike?” Amber groaned, laying back on the bench in the boat.

“I was high, ok?” Mike sighed “Seemed like a good idea.” He chewed the inside of his cheek a little as he glanced around, hands on his hips “Here Snappy, Snappy.” “Yeah, he’s mingling Mike…there’s no fucking way we’re A- gonna find him, or B- he’s gonna come back!” “I love what a positive, always look on the Brightside kinda gal you are.” Mike shot her a look as he steered the boat carefully down the small reed lined stream.

“I’m a realist.” Amber sighed, still looking up at the clouds “You should try it sometime.”

At that point the boat they were on gave a little stutter and Amber sat up to see Mike glancing curiously at the controls.

“Erm…” he looked around “It broke.” “What do you mean it broke?” “Well it was working…” Mike rolled his eyes “And now it’s not.” “Fucks sake…let me try.” Amber sighed. She stood up, shoved Mike out of the way and she turned the key in the ignition. Nothing. With a groan she looked at him, her hands on her hips “I TOLD you we should have taken my fucking canoe.”

She flopped down back into her seat with a growl.

“Someone’s cranky” Mike whispered and Amber glared at him.

“You know what, I am, you’re right.” She pointed at him “You’re a dumb dork, who does dumb dork things, like letting an alligator go free in the middle of the swamp in FUCKING FLORIDA!”

Mike opened his mouth to say something but the sound of another boat engine drew their attention and they both turned. Amber’s eyes were instantly taken by the man steering the boat who was dressed in a white shirt and a dirty pair of jeans. His wind ruffled hair was stuck up slightly and his eyes were hidden by a set of aviators. A small girl with blonde hair sat besides him, a ginger cat on her lap and behind her perched a woman with long, reddy-brown hair, a pair of glasses also over her eyes.

“You guys alright?” the man asked as they pulled up alongside them.

“Yeah, this dumbass managed to strand us here.” Amber jerked her hand over her shoulder.

“Frank did that to us once.” The young girl grinned and the man who had just stopped the boat besides them looked down at her.

“That was the one time my repairs let me down.” He shook his head.

“One time too many.” She quipped.

Amber snorted, “I like you kid.”

The little girl smiled “I’m Mary, this is my uncle Frank and his girlfriend Fliss.”

“Nice to meet you all.” Amber smiled. “I’m Amber and this is Mike.”

“Want me to take a look at it?” Frank asked, nodding to the boat “I do it for a living so…”

“Be my guest.” Mike said, and Frank nodded, heading to the back of his boat.

“So what are you doing here?” Mary asked.

“Mary stop being so nosey.” Fliss sighed.  Mike gave a chuckle.

“We’re looking for my pet alligator…”

“Yeah Idiot Boy here set him loose. Thought he needed some alligator time with other alligators…” Amber rolled her eyes.

“You have a pet alligator?” Mary’s eyes widened. “Frank, can-“ “No.” Frank cut her off as he turned round, a length of rope in his hand.

“It can live in the pool!” Mary pressed

“Absolutely not.” Fliss looked at her and then their attention turned to Mike as he gave a chuckle.

“Can’t keep em in a pool kid, chlorine…not good.” Mary paused and then grinned “We can build him a lake in Monty’s field…” “The hell we can.” Frank snorted.

“Ah go on man, make the little girl happy!” Mike smiled. “They make great pets…”

“Clearly they don’t.” Frank grumbled, looking Mike up and down before he frowned at the man’s ridiculous shirt and trouser combination. Fliss grinned.

“Nice boots” she said, gesturing to Mike’s cowboy specials.

“Thanks!” Mike flashed her a cheeky grin and a wink.

“Shame about the rest of it.” Frank quipped, as he tied a length of rope to the side of the stranded boat, securing it to his own so he could hop over onto the deck.

“You’re calling my outfit out?” Mike scoffed, gesturing with his hand to Frank’s loud yellow and black Hawaiian print shirt “Exhibit A your honour.” “Clearly this is some sort of shit outfit competition.” Amber mumbled.

“I feel you sister.” Fliss grinned “Are you two…erm…together…or…” “Never seen him before in my life.” Amber denied and Fliss laughed.

“What the fuck Amber?” Mike protested.

“He just turns up from time to time when he has the munchies and eats all my Sour Patch Kids.”

“That’s not the only thing I eat.” Mike grinned and Frank let out a snort.

“Yeah, sure.” Amber rolled her eyes before she looked at Fliss and Mary, dropping her voice “He also eats my dog, Tikka’s, food.” “Frank ate one of Fred’s catnip treats once.” Mary said and Frank shrugged, not taking his attention of the engine of the boat.

“I wanted to see what the fuss was about.”

“You were drunk” Mary retorted.

“That was the night you came home saying the leprechauns had stolen your jacket.” Fliss said.

Mike grinned “I see leprechauns a lot.”

Amber shook her head “Jesus Christ…” she mumbled.

“Ok, I see the problem.” Frank smiled, stranding up and turning to Mike “You’re out of fuel.”

Amber blinked as Mike turned to her, giving her a small shrug and an innocent, boyish smile as she exploded “What the…you didn’t think to CHECK?” “I thought they were electric.” Mike shrugged.

“God you’re an idiot…should have brought my canoe.”

“You know, that’s the second time you said that.” Mike looked at her.

“Really, well here’s the third…” She snarked “I. SHOULD. HAVE. BROUGHT. MY. CANOE!”

“Ok, we can give you a tow back.” Frank said, moving back to climb into his own boat. “Get you back to the centre.” “No can do.” Mike shook his head, “Need to find Snappy…” “Yeah, erm…” Fliss pointed to something that was approaching them, a confused expression on her face “I think he may have already found you.” They all turned and as they watched Snappy sail past their boat led on an Alligator shaped pool inflatable, being pushed by an extremely good looking man in a wet suit. He glanced up at them, smiling, his teeth white from behind his beard and he flicked his long hair back out of his eyes.

“Leave no gator behind.” He said simply, as he continued swimming past, Snappy basking on his inflatable.

Amber blinked, looked at the can of coke she was holding and turned to Mike “What the fuck did you put in this?” “Nothing…” “And why am I suddenly cold?” she frowned.

“Cold?” Frank looked at her “It’s like 90 degrees…in the middle of Florida.”

“That may be, but I’m still cold…” she frowned “And why is it going dark…”

****

Amber sat bolt upright, her head colliding painfully with the bunk above her, breathing deeply as she looked around. The light and warmth she had been feeling had been replaced with dark and cold, the blues and greens of Florida swapped for the dark greys and browns of the train…

“Hey…” a familiar voice said and she turned to look at Curtis as he sat up besides her “You ok baby?”

“Yeah, I just had the strangest dream.” She said as her man gently rubbed between her shoulders as she began to explain to him what she’d been dreaming about. He arched an eyebrow, sniggered occasionally and then snorted with laughter, a rare thing for Curtis Everett, when she told him about the inflatable alligator.

“And Mike, Frank, the Diving guy…they looked a bit like you. Which is odd.” She finished shrugging.

“Well I’m clearly on your mind.” Curtis quipped as he lay back, arms folded behind his bed as he gave her a sinful look “And you should be on my face so I can wish you a happy birthday properly.”

Amber grinned and shuffled round to straddle him before she stopped, her hands falling to his chest.

“On one condition.” She smirked.

“What?”

“Take your beanie off first. It gives me a rash.”

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Favored Ones, Part 2. (Joel Miller x Fem!reader)

Description: When you spend every evening with someone who's deeply under your skin, a certain relationship can be developed. So it's crushing for Joel when Y/N suddenly disappears. But there's way more to the relationship that one would've guessed.

A/N: AM I STARTING TO FALL FOR THIS FIC? OMG STOP ME? SEND HELP.

Warnings: Ain’t much, but it is honest work.

Word count: 2.1 K

Tagging: @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme​ 

If you like this story, please, more parts can be found here! :): H E R E

Six months prior events of the hunt, April 2038:

You never thought of an ideal man or that ideal life, having some children of your own or whatever. You never thought of that American dream, if you want to address it like that. The new American dream, most likely the global dream when you think about it, was to survive all of the bullshit that keeps coming.

But sometimes, you start to be curious about someone without you even noticing your behavior. You try to have much longer eye contact with them, laughing at those pretty dumb jokes and sayings they used. You tried to be in their presence every time you possibly could.

Sometimes it gets pretty crazy as you start to understand your behavior and your feelings - and the worse it actually is when you feel soft for is a complete moron.

And so, that's how your terrible crush on Joel Miller, local old jackass, started.

You could exactly name the year, month, day and hour when he and his daughter of some sort, now your best friend Ellie, came into your life. The first time you saw him, you thought to yourself that he is just a typical cynical old moron - and that you had already enough of these in your town.

Something moved inside of you when you took Sadie for a short walk around Jackson - and he was sitting on the terrace, smiling at Ellie and playing a slow song on some old guitar the others gave him.

Ellie just sat there, curled into a tight ball with a bar of beer in her hand, as soon as she saw you, she jumped on her feet and joined you on your walk - that was a year ago. And since that, you watched his face intensely during every tactical meeting about visiting a city, you smirked when he said something which was ironical and whenever there was an option to go out with his little kindergarten, you were there on your horse with your knife behind your belt. 

Did he even know who you were except that you were going out to the forests with him? Oh, dear, that is a story worth telling.

Joel didn't let you know, but he remembered your face really well - you were, of course, Y/N, Ellie’s' loudest and most impulsive friend she had until that day. You were a pain in his ass every time he was scheduled to go out with you. No matter how good you were with a knife (and let me say that you saved his ass a few times when Clicker was about to crack his head up), you still acted like an annoying little brat. 

He would never say that he hates you, no. But he would never say that he likes you. You just existed by his side in the city he was living in, that was all that he cared about. 

And you were sure that the feelings will disappear sooner or later, it was just a dumb guy and that situation was ridiculous. But as January and February passed away, nothing changed. 

So there you were, sitting next to Sadie in the grass, eating an apple, chatting with Ellie and watching after Joel’s kindergarten of the young people he was teaching about surviving. There were a few boys around sixteen, which was almost ten years younger than you, who were just dicks. 

The only thing they were doing there was trying to get your attention because you were indeed an interesting girl, and to annoy the old man. You were there to enjoy the feeling of freedom and nature around you.

“And what about Y/N?” - One boy turned his face to look at you. They were talking about bows, how to catch the chord the best way, the angles of shooting and the power needed. They completely threw you off rails, because you sat next to Ellie in the back, talking about how much you are looking forward to the sweet potatoes which should be ready to be reaped next month. 

“I bet she could show us some of that bow shooting, couldn't she?” - Another one said and you felt on your tongue as you wanted to tell them to shut the fuck up. 

“Leave her be. She cant shoot from a bow. But if you will shut your mouth and watch, maybe you'll be able to shoot yourself, son.” - Joel mumbled in his deep voice, not even looking up to you. 

Your cheeks went red as you furrowed at that man. What a rude jackass move. Yeah, maybe you weren’t able to shoot from a bow, nobody had ever taught you how to, but you were a fucking psycho with a knife. And Joel knew it. 

“Jesus Christ, fuck him. That wasn't polite to me at all.” - You said to Ellie when you rode on Sadie’s back at the end of your small caravan. - “And I should be practically bowing in front of that guy? Fuck that too.” - You spoke fast and quietly so Joel couldn’t understand you. 

“Come on, baby. You know that Joel didn’t mean that you’re not good enough. You know he’s not good with his words.” - Ellie rolled her eyes to the back of her head, only laughing at your situation.

“Maybe. But this is the third time something like that happened - and third time’s the charm. I will need someone who will teach me, how to shoot from a bow.” - You rose your eyebrows. That was the most devilish plan ever. - “And then I will have a competition with Joel. We will see who is the worse one.” 

“Good luck then. The only people who can shoot from a bow is me, Joel and Jesse.” - Ellie looking behind her and chuckled again. - “Like... More people can do something with a bow, but I would definitely not call that shooting.” 

Well, fuck you then. You couldn’t stand when Jesse was trying to teach you something because he spoke to you like you were fucking five - so every time he started with THAT tone of his voice, you were ready to explode. Ellie could teach you some things, maybe, but she would make a pure comedy out of that. Your tummy would constantly hurt from laughter. So the only rational option at the moment was Joel. 

And you didn't fucking know if that’s the worst thing that could happen or if it is the best thing ever. You couldn’t but smile at the thought of Joel teaching you how to shoot, so the student could overcome its professor in the end.

So you were trying to raise the courage in you for the next two days and let me say that it wasn’t anything easy. Only after a shot of vodka which Jesse had hidden under his bed you could just come up to Joel’s door and knock on it. Ellie wasn’t at home that day - you were about to meet up with her that evening to have a watch on the city’s walls.

Right now, she went for her newly sewed, repaired pants to Mrs. Jefferson to the end of the town, which should take her something about half an hour. Enough time for you to ask Joel the information needed.

“What the hell are you doing at my doorstep?” - Joel asked even before he opened the door and watched you down with a silent stare. - “Something happened? You won’t make it in the next session in the forest?” - He was asking you, but he only did that for decency’s sake; he did not care at all.

“No, I was thinking about the bows.” - You said in the same tone of voice. You were staring each other down like the looks could kill. This was clearly competition for you - and you didn't mean to lose. You had to show Joel that you weren’t weak at all. 

“Oh. The bows.” - Joel furrowed you like you were a fucking psycho. He was fucking lost when it came to you - your run of thoughts was a mystery to Joel. - “What about the bows? What’s wrong with them?”

Damn, you two were acting like children. You spoke in weird sentences and you felt like nothing was making too much sense when you spoke with Joel. 

“I can’t shoot from it. That’s what’s wrong with them.” 

“Oh. Okay. Why should I care?” - Joel raised his eyebrows. You nodded and raised your eyebrows, making a thoughtful face at him. 

“You should care because I need a teacher.”  - That was when you smiled at him. You didn't drink so often, so the vodka made you hella loose. Maybe it was way more than one shot, you didn't have a single idea how stupid are you going to behave. So far so good, you thought to yourself.

“So that is what you came here to tell me?” - Joel hugged the doorframe with one of his huge palms and looked you in the face. - “I should find you a teacher? Girl, I think that you’re a bit confused because I’m hella sure that finding you a teacher isn’t my job at all.” 

“Oh, I did not mean that you should find me someone who will be teaching me, hot to shoot an arrow.” - You giggled and shoved a trickle of your hair behind your each. - “I want you to be my teacher.” - That’s what made Joel sincerely laugh.

You silently prepared yourself for Joel saying you to fuck off. He was so close to it, yet it seemed that you really are into learning about bows. 

“Yeah. Fine. Tomorrow, seven in the morning, the gates. Be there on time, young blood.” - Joel smiled and closed the door, leaving you there. But you started to smile when you realized that you will have scheduled alone time with Joel himself. Even though he was a total asshole at times, it made your day. 

The next morning, you were there even ten minutes sooner - and Joel came ten minutes later. He just let you sit there for twenty minutes. Motherfucker. Maybe he hoped that you will change your mind - but you had your goals set straight.

You could see that he’s still a bit sleepy, but his beard was cut short again - it was there, but it was way shorter. People with crushes notice such bullshits, that’s normal, don’t worry. 

“I got a present for you.” - Joel said in a cold, raspy voice and you excitedly opened your eyes. - “It ain't much, but at least it’s something.” 

With that, he gave you a completely normal, training bow. Everybody always only borrowed them, but he was giving you one of your own. - “But if you will not take the training seriously, I will take it away from you.” 

With that, you just left Jackson. He took you on nearby training grounds - the first day you ever tried it was terrible. You basically didn't shoot once from that bad boy - arrows just fell down from your palms and Joel knew that he’s going to need a lot of patience with you.

The first weeks were not that enjoyable as well - he had such a jackass rude commentary to your actions and you just tried to murder him with your stares, still thinking that he is sexy as fucking hell.

But one day, the fall was just about to start, it somehow broke down and you started to joke around. Your skills were getting better faster and faster - soon enough, you could shoot from fairly far away and you didn’t miss most of the time, which made Joel enjoy your lessons even more. 

As another month passed, he decided that it is the right time to start hunting with you in the forest. These ones were moving, but you adjust over time. And sometimes, you even hunted something down - like a squirrel, a hare or a rabbit. 

You weren't that bad after all - he pretty much liked talking to you most of the time. And even if you were sometimes loud and impulsive, you could be smart when the situation needed it. But you weren't exactly his most favorite person on the planet still. 

And you were slowly realizing that this surreal crush isn’t going away anytime soon because you made it just worse for your own fucking sake.

[tessatechaitea]

Justice Society of America #6 (1993)

Weak as an asthmatic kitten in light!

Do cats get asthma? I'd hate for somebody to fact check and discover I once said an incorrect thing! My reputation as a staunch teller of ultimate truths is on the line here. Anyway, if it turns out cats can't get asthma, I was speaking euphemistically and you were too dumb to understand that. Dumby. I don't want to call my readers "dumby" but you remember that part about me being a staunch teller of ultimate truths? Well, sorry to reveal something your parents were too cowardly to confide to you. I was too busy contemplating how incredibly fucking cute and sweet a little coughing asthmatic kitten would be pay attention to the cover of JSA #6. But now that I've really looked at it, I'm confused as to why Doctor Mid-Nite is beating up zookeepers. I hesitate to assume the reason is that he's blind because that would probably be ableist. Maybe he was just molested by zookeepers as a young man. An aside: the family member I admire most on Facebook is the one who posts absolutely nothing about anything but every now and then unlocks a badge from Untappd.

Is this an historically accurate Nazi uniform? It looks like she's trying to make the shape of a swastika.

Ugh. I can't believe I just became one of those people who put "an" in front of "historically." It's weird how a little bit of side-boob can make me start thinking, "Were the Nazis really so terrible?" But this is a fictional world where they actually weren't that terrible! They even had a giant war Ferris wheel that would roll around ravaging the world and genociding people. Kind of exactly like a carnival, really. In the real world, Nazis were super bad and they are the villains of every action movie ever set from 1938 to, I'm assuming, 2021. I'm sure we're right around the corner from a Wicked-style Broadway musical from the perspective of Adolf Hitler where the audience learns that he wasn't really the bad guy the earlier protagonists made him out to be. If you don't want that to happen, you'll probably need to go back in time to murder John Gardner before he writes Grendel because I'm pretty sure that's where this whole "let's examine the life and motivations of the bad guy outside of the light of the previous protagonist's propaganda!"

I was thoroughly anti-Nazi when I began reading this comic book but these side-boob arguments are really winning me over.

How are the JSA going to win me back to their side?! They only have one woman on the team and Hawkgirl doesn't ever show any side-boob! I'm afraid America is about to fall and all I can think is, "Hee hee hee. Hee hee hee. Boobies." The Justice Society flies in to spout some patriotic garbage about liberty while The Flash beats up all the Nazis during the first third of the speech. I wonder if The Flash ever gets emotionally exhausted having to bear so much of the load of battling the bad guys. It's a good thing he's not one of those jerks you always wind up working with who never wants to do more work than the next guy so he always works as slowly as possible. But the problem in blue collar work is that most of the people you wind up working with are that guy! So their work output winds up being that of the lowest common denominator. Imagine if The Flash was one of those guys! He'd have to wait for Doctor Mid-Nite to throw a smoke bomb and fist fight a guy for five minutes before The Flash would take out his man in one second (after standing around for four minutes and fifty-nine seconds). The battle goes poorly for the Nazis which I'm elated to see because, you know, proud patriot here and all. Boo Nazis! Boo? Boob! Nazi side-boobs! Go Nazis! As the Nazis nearly defeated, they launch a huge bomb at the White House (which is where this fight is taking place because the Nazis are trying to kill Roosevelt).

"Look! Up in the sky! A noise!"

Yes, you perverts. That's the leg of the side-boob Nazi on the left and if I'd scanned a little bit more, you would have had a nice crotch shot. Sorry to disappoint you, horny nerds. Green Lantern lets the bomb explode on a big green patriotic shield because the Nazi's were too dumb to make the bomb out of two by fours. Wildcat says, "Yay!", as Roosevelt watches through a nearby window. His nurse, Nancy, approaches him slowly from behind. She pulls a Nazi pistol on him, full of Nazi bullets! It looks like the end! But then a bag of sand hits her in the side of the face and she forgets to pull the trigger as she says, "Gast! I'll...ooooh!" Then she dies, I guess? The Nazi story was being told to Jesse Quick by Alan and Jay. It was never reported because the American populace is too weak to hear certain news items. Why when we think about a population as a whole, we attribute all of the worst attributes to them? Cowardly, stupid, irrational. Why don't we think, "I would react fine to that news so I'm assuming everybody else would too." Instead, we simply assume everybody is a bigger and weaker jerk than we are. Weird that I'm as cynical as you can get but I'm somehow not as cynical as the average person? No, no! I'm more cynical! I just use my cynicism for good!

He didn't say that, Jesse. What he might be trying to express though is that coming down hard on criminals when much of the crime is driven by systemic problems resulting in an abundance of poverty for which the government takes no action to mitigate might be a bigger evil than the crime itself. Much of crime is a symptom of a bigger problem that is harder to fix so people ignore it and try to just hide the symptoms by putting them in jail.

Alan just doesn't quite have the words (or the real world experience of the 60s, 70s, and 80s because he was in Valhalla) to express how the constant lowering of taxes on the upper brackets of income have caused the slow destruction of the middle class by allowing CEOs and upper management to keep more of their money instead of reinvesting it into the business because they'd rather improve their business than give away 99% of their income after a certain point to the government. And by allowing them to keep that money, they stopped putting it into the business which meant salaries stagnated, pensions disappeared, and health care was no longer an automatic company benefit. I'm sure that's what he was getting at though. Jay's wife interrupts so we can finally see she exists six issues into the series. Alan's beard, Molly, also arrives. You might be wondering why "Jay's wife" is only "Jay's wife" but you shouldn't ask me that question. Ask the comic book who thinks I'm supposed to remember her name from whenever it was last mentioned, if at all. Maybe Linda? Let's just go with Linda. The Justice Society is on a ship because they're headed to Bahdnesia which doesn't allow plane travel in and out of its country. That's probably because air traffic control would be a nightmare with all the genies flying around. That was a joke but I bet it's the actual reason as well. Oh! It's Joan! Ted mentions it to Al after he gets tangled up in his deck chair while wearing an ice bucket on his head. I think Al might be having some old person cognition problems.

Nothing suspicious about a country run like a well-armed Applebee's.

Doctor Mid-Nite decides to check behind the scenes to see what's going on. The place is run like Disneyland so he enters the employee only backstage section to investigate. He's eventually attacked by some guards (see the cover!) and his story ends mid-fight. Meanwhile, Ted winds up climbing into a boxing ring to stop a fight that he believes is a huge mismatch. He knocks out the big guy even though the big guy doesn't necessarily mean he's the bad guy. Ted is basically interfering in a business transaction or, even worse, a staged event! Which means he climbs in the ring and begins beating up one of the actors. Guards also swarm him and he thinks, "What are these guys doing here?!" As if what he's doing is just fine and dandy. Didn't he hear the announcement about how nobody breaks the rules here? This is why! They get swarmed with violent guards! Justice Society of America #6 Rating: B-. Nothing says "The titular team's best days are behind them!" like a story where the only interesting thing that happens happens in a flashback. The whole cruise and island exploration part of the story was a big snooze. And it only ends in two members battling guards who are only doing their jobs to keep the JSA members from breaking the rules. Poor guards are going to get their asses whooped when they're only doing their job! I'm totally into the whole "I was just following orders" excuse thanks to the unbeatable side-boob argument.

[wftc141]

Equestria’s Hired Help-Chapter 3: The Hate in Equestria

On the next day, Blitz and Sunset are enjoying their day off since they do not work on Sundays and hopefully there’s no hired help from the crime underworld for them. Right now, Blitz is out in the city walking through the sidewalk making his way back to the bar with bags of groceries. He was wearing a short black sleeve shirt, blue jeans, and sneakers. His hair in a manbun, Blitz was simply minding his business although the eyes of the ponies that he passes by are on him.

Blitz felt extremely uncomfortable though he still ignored them. It would have been better for him if he had on a hoodie to hide his face though it would make him more suspicious. He then noticed a police cruiser tailing him close next to him. He could feel the officers staring down at him without even looking at them. Blitz continues to keep walking and his eyes front but does start to question them.

“Is there a problem, officers?”

The officers said nothing as they continued to stare and follow him. Blitz repeated the question in the same tone. “Anything you need?”

The officers continue to say nothing and stare Blitz down. Blitz was starting to have a bad feeling that the cops may stop and search him. He does possess a Glock 17 tucked behind his pants, which would take things in an awfully bad direction. However, there is a possibility that he may have no choice but to take the cops down though it will trigger some alarms and that he will be wanted for assault or murder on two police officers doing their job either they’re corrupted or not. Suddenly the officers drove off. Blitz felt relief that he didn’t have to fight two cops, but eyes were still on him from the equestrian citizens as they do not like nor trust his kind.

Starlight sat behind her office desk looking over files of murder cases happening recently in the city and figuring out who the lion is involved. Sunburst snaps Starlight from focus as he comes up to her and hands her coffee. She thanked Sunburst with a smile and nod as she took the coffee from her partner.

“Anything on our mystery Lion?”  Starlight asked

“Sadly, no.” Sunburst answered after giving a defeated sigh. “There’s not a single record about him. It’s like he’s some sort of ghost or something.”

“There’s got to be something we can find about him.”

“If we don’t this could be a career ending problem for the both of us.”

Before sipping her coffee, Starlight glanced at Sunburst in confusion of what he was talking about.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

Sunburst gave a deep sigh before explaining the situation to his partner, “Once the higher ups heard about our mysterious lion in Equestria, they’re getting the feel that this might be a terrorist attack like last time and they don’t want us to fuck this up and want him found. Hopefully, they don’t send Counter-Intelligence here to take charge. Those guys are really a bunch of assholes.”

“Don’t you think they’re getting a bit paranoid?” Starlight asked.

“Yeah but they don’t want to take any chances. If we don’t find him and an attack does happen, it will be on us.”

Starlight is now feeling pressured since her superiors are involved and wants her to find this mystery lion fast and hopefully won’t be another lion terrorist attack. Deep down, she believes that this lion may not be a terrorist and that there’s something else going on.

Outside near The White Hats’ hideout, a group of gangs driving chopper motorcycles pulls up and parks next to the building. The biker gang, known none other than The Night Shade Aces. Most of the members are comprised of Earth ponies and Thestrals and are dressed in full black outfits and even their biker vests are black. The president of the gang, Snowden Shade, a Thestral stallion with black fur short black hair with grey highlights, a black beard. His most notable feature is his heterochromia, causing one of his eyes to be green and the other to be yellow. He is adorned in his black biker jacket, blue jeans and black boots. The White Hats were already waiting for them as Missy Dawn was walking up to them.

“Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.” Missy Dawn quipped.

“Didn’t you send the cat to bring us here?” Snowden joked, “Nice to see you again, Missy Dawn.”

“Same goes for you, President Snowden. How things went in Hollow Shades?”

“Went well and it’s gonna be better since Cut-Throat Talons are gone for good. We’re still in business?”

“We sure are. Since you had a long ride to get here, why don’t you and the boys rest up? We’ll discuss business tomorrow.”

“Sounds good to me.”

The two gang leaders shook hands before Snowden walks back to his chopper and drove off along with his gang.

Sunset is in an office room of the bar sitting at her desk reading something on the computer screen. Suddenly she became distracted as she smelled something cooking and it smelled very good and familiar. Start to get up and make her way to the kitchen. Once she got there, she was surprised to see Blitz already here and cooking.

“Hey you.” Sunset greeted, “Didn’t hear you come in.”

“Yeah. Got back about ten minutes ago.” Said Blitz.

“So what are you cooking?” She asked while walking up to him.

“Thought we should have your favorite pasta tonight.” Blitz said.

Sunset starts to read Blitz as she knows something was wrong with him. He does seem to be a bit angry of something but doing his best to control it. Sunset could even see his left hand shaking but was trying to shake it off as he’s trying to cook though it seems difficult as it continues to shake.

“What’s wrong?” Sunset asked.

Blitz wasn’t surprised that Sunset would find out what was bothering him and there’s no need for him to hide it from her. Blitz stops cook and took a deep breath before answering Sunset.

“I…I just had to deal with some discrimination is all.”

Blitz felt a bit embarrassed though it was a small discrimination and it shouldn’t bother him much but it still affects him how the ponies in Equestria looks at him.

“Equestria was never like this.” Said Sunset.

“I know.” Blitz replied.

As the two were having their comfort moment it was quickly broken when they heard the door from the front bar entrance opened.

“Hello?! Anypony home?!” a voice tore them from their depressive state.

Blitz and Sunset look at each other in confusion as there shouldn’t be anypony here in the bar.

“Aren’t we closed?” Blitz asked.

“We should be.” Sunset answered. “I’ll go check what’s up.”

Sunset walked out of the kitchen, entering the bar. When she got there, she noticed three bikers at the bar table waiting to be served.

“I’m sorry guys but we’re closed.” Said Sunset

“Come on now. All we want is something to drink.” Said the first earth pony biker.

“We had a long ride from Hallow Shade. All we need is a drink.” Said the second earth pony biker.

“Hey bruh. We’re closed.”

The bikers turned their attention to Blitz and were shocked to see him, the tensions were starting to rise. Blitz and Sunset knew things were going to get worse by the look on their eyes. Sunset’s hands reached under the bar, wrapping around the stock of a shotgun.

“Holy fucking shit!” Exclaimed the first biker. “What’s a fucking lion doing here in Equestria?”

“I work here.” Blitz answered.

“You fucking savages don’t belong here! Not after the shit you pulled here!”

“Let’s not cause any trouble here.” Sunset warned.

“There’s already trouble when terrorists set foot here!” Yelled the bat pony biker.

Blitz and Sunset quickly draw out their guns faster than the bikers. Blitz pulled out his pistol and shot the third biker on the right in the head and killed him instantly.

Sunset managed to pull out the shotgun from under the bar table and shot the other two bikers in the heads as they exploded knowing that the rounds were door breaching slug-shot shells. Blitz made his way to the door and peek outside to make sure that there weren't any more bikers or anyone around. Sunset stood there and stared down at the four dead bodies who were once bikers. She and Blitz know that they’re in a bad situation knowing that the rest of their gang will be looking for them.

“Well shit.” Said Sunset.

“I’ll call the cleaners.” Said Blitz as he walks away to find a phone.

Blitz went to a telephone in the office room where it couldn’t be traced so their conversation can be private from Law Enforcement and Government Agencies. Blitz picks up the phone, dialed the number and waits for someone to answer. Sunset watched Blitz, she always worried about Blitz, how much discrimination that he had to take. It angers her even more of how the ponies here in Equestria treats foreigners nowadays knowing it was never like this. Back with Blitz on the phone, someone on the other line finally answers.

“Equestria’s Cleaners, how may we help you?” asked a female voice from the other line.

“Hi, I would like a cleanup order.” Blitz answered.

[messwriting]

No Peace: A Bruce Banner Series - Part II

Character pairing: Bruce Banner/Reader

Warnings: This is... very long. Still angst, sorry; guilt, bit of anxiety, hurt and sadness. Unexpected break up and dealing with it while you still love said person. Taking care of depressed people while you’re not feeling good. Drinking in the dark.

Synopsis:  You’re dealing with a breakup you never expected, right when you thought your relationship were thriving. Your thoughts keep going to Bruce - did you missed the signs this was coming? have you not seen that he had fallen out of love with you? In the end, you're trying to find a little peace.

Note: Look, this part stayed dormant in my drafts because i’m not happy with it but apparently it can’t come any better, so sorry in advance guys. This is for the lovely anon who asked about the following parts when I kinda had leaved this series be. I’m working on a third part, so let’s hope I finish this soon enough and we can stop hurting for baby Bruce. If you find any additional triggers, please don’t hesitate to tell me. The title was already there so I didn’t change, it’s this song by Sam Smith (it doesn’t match much of the fic, but I love her).

[Part I]

Part II - Baby, you make me crazy.

A week later and you feel a little better - you have a routine in your day, your work is tiring and demanding and although you didn’t arrive on time any day this week, you stayed late and felt better working while the others were gone. Your mind keeps flying to Bruce, but you've exhausted all the tears you could have and now you just feel bad. Your heart still tightens, you still worry about him and the guilt is still a heavy feeling in your chest, but the days continue to pass and for the first time that continuity, that constant progress is something that you not only appreciate but welcomes. It makes you feel like there’s progress in your day, even if your routine was still the same. You feel the familiar feeling of being well - it's faint, but it's there.

You are collecting some reports and preparing to file the printed copies in the archives you keep in case of an emergency, and JARVIS's voice breaks through your office causing you to flinch  and drop a few folders.

"I'm sorry Miss L/N, I didn't mean to startle you." You are already collecting the folders and waving your hand to indicate that there were no problems, although technically JARVIS was the AI ​​of the building and was not exactly seeing you or considering the dismissal.

"It's fine. I wasn’t really paying attention." You say as you get up with the folders again on your arm. You keep walking to the archive because the AI can follow you anywhere.

"Mister Stark is requesting your presence his lab." It informs and you stop in your stride for a moment before continuing to walk to the archives.

"His lab?" Your voice is a little alarmed, but there is no one around to hear.

"Yes." It confirms and your surprise and alarm merge into caution. Stark is not known for being too careful in sensitive situations and you're afraid he'll use some ruse to get you and Bruce together.

"Is... Is Dr. Banner there?" You get a little breathless from anxiety and your voice fails. Of course JARVIS does not notice per se and only responds in his quiet and even voice.

"No, Miss. Dr. Banner is currently at his own lab."

Despite your chest feeling lighter, at the same time a little bit of worry start planting itself in your mind. You arch an eyebrow and look up even if you're talking with the ceiling. "Is he going to show up at Tony's lab while I'm there?"

"Mr. Stark has only requested you." Considering it's Tony, that should not calm you as much as it does. Especially considering the fact that this should not be good. Tony doesn’t usually call anyone to his lab. Your mind immediately starts working and you think of a number of reasons why he might call you there but for some reason all revolve around your possible dismissal and although you start to feel the onset of your anxiety, it triggers a certain relief on the back of your mind that tells you that it might be for the better. You know it's not really how you feel, but the thought still rolls around your mind.

You leave the reports on the desk of the responsible for the registration and organization of archives and he scans the barcode in front of the folders before you go. You pick up your bag on the way to the elevator and feel a certain emptiness added to a strange calm settle within you; there is no need to listen to the too many options your mind offers you. You're a damn good employee, coordinating one of the research units. If Tony really decides to lay you off, which doesn’t seem likely, you won’t be unemployed for long. And if it's not a layoff, well, Tony isn’t a predictable man, and it's that truth that makes you move down the necessary path without really thinking. The prospect of being dismissed leaves you disappointed, but it is not even the feeling it should be. This actually scares you a bit, numbness is not a common feeling to you. But then you're at the door and JARVIS let you in. Tony is tinkering with some things on the table, several holographic screens open around, rock music exploding through the room and you feel lost amidst all things happening at the same time. You notice that there is still a panel on the other side of the room where the news is passing.

You do not know if he realizes that you are there among all things going on in the space, but his voice interrupts the announcement of your arrival.

"I have received an application indicating that you’ll move out of the Tower? You know you don’t have to leave here just because of what happened between you and Bruce." He keeps tinkering around, without turning to you, with what appears to be a carcass from one of the legs of one of the Iron Mans - whether he's building or fixing, you do not know. His tone is pleasant, if a little loud.

"I know. I just... need a little distance." You're not really ready to open your feelings to your Boss. Tony may be friends with Bruce and you both had a fair amount of contact out of the work environment because of that, but he's still just someone you know but has no intimacy. You remain with answers that you would give to anyone else who asked you why you are deciding to leave, even though Tony explains that there is no need for you to leave the Stark Industries personal space and that you can rearrange your schedule if that help to believe that you could ignore the labs or even choose not to work on cases that might lead you and Bruce to meet professionally if that’s the way you choose to deal with the situation. You nod to his back and inform him that it’s just a matter of imposing a little separation between your work and personal life because clearly they are very close to each other. It seems to shut Tony up for a moment and then:

"I understand." He turns the chair and looks at you as he speaks. It makes you a little nervous, Tony is very observant and you don’t like the scrutiny, but he quickly shifts the focus to one side of his lab and his eyes meets one of the holographic screens. "I just need you to do something for me first." He slides the chair closer to the screen and you approach.

"If I can." Clearly you have not thought enough before you utter those words and they come out in a light, calm tone that contrasts with the way you start worrying right away about the possibilities Tony can throw at you.

"Jarvis." Tony talks and the holographic screen completely changes. The blue disappears gradually at the edges in order to show you a screen captured from what appears to be a security camera. Around there are several other variants of information, one of which catches your eye because weirdly enough you know that cadence - it's Bruce's heartbeat.

"Is Bruce's that... lab?" Your voice comes out in a sigh with most of your breath. The camera shows Bruce moving around several holographic screens and a computer on an interactive desk. He's scribbling things with a brutal pace, the pen flying on paper and then he's spinning and typing with the same vicious will. After all, you recognize the messy hair of anxiety moments and the beard of a few days that’s already established - he has been there for some time.

"Yes. I got him to take a shower and eat something actually nutritive but then he got back to his lab and..." Tony's voice comes from your side and you realize how close you’d come to the holographic screen and how you’re leaning to see better as if you want to absorb all the details. A wave of heat flutters in your face from shame, but Tony does not seem to be paying attention or at least decides not to pay attention to that. From the small smile he seems to hide behind the indifferent facade, you know you're wrong about the two options.

"What do you want of me?" The heat on your face adds to the discomfort of being reminded how Bruce is dealing with his choice. Guilt comes back with renewed force now that you have clear images of him sinking into work. Your stomach seems to wrap and your shoulders weigh; you try to control the battle of emotions by starting inside you with small deep breaths, air through your nose and blowing through your mouth. Somehow you want to help, but logically you are not the most appropriate person for this.

 “He asked Jarvis to block me and pretty much the rest of the team from accessing his lab. He has not blocked you." Tony's voice cuts off your moment of self-pity, but you just stare at him as if what he said haven’t made sense, because it really does not. When you speak again, however, your voice is much more direct and firm; crossing your arms above your breasts for good measure in appearing more serious than you feel.

"Where are you going with this, Tony?"

"You need to talk to him." He claims it as if it were the simplest thing in the world. You have a moment of bewilderment in stupefied silence. Then you let it all come out in a hurried and angry speech.

" What? You read his letter! He does not want to talk to me. He didn’t even wanted to see me."

"He doesn’t want you to confront him. That's not what I'm asking." He explains to you as if it were the most easy thing to understand. Completely normal. Nothing more. The condescending tone fires your anger.

"No, you're asking me to go there and repress every single one of my feelings while pleading for him to...? What? Take care of himself?" Maybe your voice has risen in volume and you are walking around like an angry person. Perhaps. Deep down, you're panicking that you might have to talk to Bruce. Especially since you know that if there is any chance that this will help him and remove him from that damn lab, the guilt for not doing so will eat you alive much more than the pain of looking at him when the wound is still so fresh.

"You and I both know that if this got out of hand we could get a code green." That stop with all your flow of thought. You stop right in the middle of your pacing to turn and look at Tony with a sour expression, like he just threw something very unfair in the mix, because that 's exactly what he did. Between the distress in your feelings, you manage to retort with a fairly breathy voice.

"And we also know that he wouldn’t let things get that far."

"Really?" Tony gets up from the chair and the noise it makes sliding across the floor makes you retreat in surprise. But his tone is not merciful. "’Cause right now he's been there for four days. It’s not healthy. I will not be able to control him."

And you can’t argue with that. Your guilt flows through every pore of your body again, and your throat closes with the ailment that it would be because of you, even if you haven’t done anything - but maybe that's the problem, isn’t it? You try to look more controlled and your hands come to the front of your body to offer yourself some comfort.

"Why do you think he would even let me in?" It's barely a whisper and it probably shows more hope than it should.

"Your name isn’t blocked." Of course, it's a logical answer, but it's not really the one you're looking for and it hurts you in a way you did not anticipate. You don’t want logic, you want something that makes you feel more needed and that will cool down your guilt and anxiety in some way. Even if you're not sure there’s something that can actually do that. You just... need something more. Something to hold on to.

"Maybe he trusted that I would maintain the distance he requested." Anger for not finding comfort shows in your speech.

"And maybe he expects you wouldn't. But that's a whole other argument. Just... He'll listen to you. He'll feel he owns you that much " And that's what makes you break inside. Tony seems tired between needing to worry about himself, about the world and now about Bruce. You know he wants to help but you feel hurt by his words and your first instinct is to hurt back.

"Sure, cause guilt tripping him is definitely a great plan of action."

"Y/n." Tony leaves a long sigh, and you take the little moment of silence to imitate him and try to reign over your emotions again. It isn’t healthy to live on this roller coaster of emotions. When he speak again, his voice is more friendly and alluring, almost understanding. "All I'm asking is for you to drop by and try to lure him out of that lab cave of his. If he doesn’t leave, okay, I'll see what else I can do; if he does, then I won’t have to up my game for a possible hulk out. The way I see it, it's a simple maybe win and win situation." Somehow that cracks a smile on you. It's short and not very deep, but it's nice to feel the tension you're harboring start to disappear. You still worry though, and it escapes through your lips before you can catch yourself.

"What if he does not even open the door for me?" You really don’t know what you're expecting from Tony. He is clearly not the most sensitive or reasonable person to deal with feelings. He doesn’t stand in between being careful of your feelings and still getting you to go and help his friend. He’s straightforward and clear and you hate him a little for that, because he tells you the logical words that are certainly not the ones you want to hear.

"Then you leave."

 -

All the way down the elevator you are re-evaluating your life choices. Why did it have to be you? You already have too many problems to deal with yourself, you really didn’t expect that having to worry about Bruce would get into your list. That somehow reaffirms your need for distancing yourself from the Tower. You'll never get over it that way; he also wont achieve the peace and whatever he sought with the breakup. It makes no sense for you to impose on his life when it’s already clear that you have no future there. The thought that you were friends long before the relationship blooms in your mind and you see how much loss that can mean to Bruce and of course the thought makes you feel obligated to help him, a long sigh slipping through your lips. Oh man. Your brain really don’t want to help you.

Seeing how fighting with yourself isn’t helping, you try to stop the critical flow of whys and considerations and what more; you're happy that you don’t have to do it for long because you've reached the labs’ floor and the distance is short to the metal door of the space where Bruce works.

For some time you can’t talk. If you do, then it's out there and you can not take back if; you'll have to go all the way to the end and you do not know if you're ready for that responsibility. It's one thing to deal with your heartbreak. Can you deal with Bruce's guilt? Can you make him feel better about it when you're not even sure you're okay? You take a deep breath; well, time to find out.

"Bruce?" Your voice is barely a whisper, but it flows out of your mouth with good enough certainty. The silence stretches and you consider that maybe him didn’t catched that while immersed in work, so you press on . "It's me. Y/n." Your voice seems more pleading and you kind of hate it but there is more silence and it hurts. You're surprised because you didn’t really prepare yourself for that. Get him to get out of the lab for a bit? Sure, you got that. It meant talking to him, get him to leave, have a shower and eat some food before sleeping. Not even getting him to answer while calling on his door? You didn’t truly consider the possibility and the burn in your eyes imitated the one in your chest. At the same time, you couldn’t just leave things that way. So you swallowed hard and tried a friendly voice instead of letting your sadness show.

"I'm not here to fight, Bruce. I just... was around?" Man, you're an awful liar. You hit your forehead against the metal door and the small noise still makes you flinch. You focus on continuing to breathe as you speak through a tight throat. "I was checking some things.” Man, you're really, really bad liar. You just about quit and sigh while making the last torturous attempt. "I just wanted to see if you were okay." It's a small whisper escaping through your lips while your forehead's still against the cold metal. The cold and hard feeling grounds you. JARVIS voice startles you and you let out a small squeal.

"The door is open, Miss L/N."

 When you enter the lab, you are surprised to find the place reasonably messy. It's nothing out of the ordinary when he goes long hours working. There are many papers around, including crumpled on the floor and open packs of some snacks and power bars near, but not inside the bin. Bottled water bottles and gatorades upon some strategic places on the table. But Bruce's mess is organized. Everything stays where his office is; the laboratory where he does the experiments is after a set of glass doors with hygienic and safety equipment and the space inside is perfectly clean and organized.

You risk a short look at the black leather sofa that Tony had bought to the place when Bruce moved there because of the long hours that were customary to the scientist, but he’s the only thing that seems untouched. It makes you feel bad he's having trouble sleeping - his sleep’s already so short and light on regular days; you just have an idea about how awful it must be in anxiety ridden ones.

Bruce is next to one of the holographic screens and computer, he seems worried and anxious, his hands restless in front of his lab coat as if he didn’t know what to do. Their eyes are wide and startled, a little panicked and the hint of something you could only guess as sorrow. You avoid looking at his eyes after the way your chest constricted at the view of his tired frame and hurt expression.

"Y/n, I..." You can already feel the pleading in his tone and you can’t hear the begging for you to leave - it would break you. So you cut him.

"I'm not here to fight, Bruce." You actually raise both your hands in rendition in hopes it makes him feel more at ease. It hurts you that it actually does. But then again, every single thing is hurting you right now. From the way his hands fumble in front of him in anxiety, to the way his eyes cast downwards when you look at his face; from the place you are, you take a step backwards. Your skin is pricking in goosebumps because your chest feels like it's ripped - you truly don’t know how there's no tears or deep calming breaths through this whole exchange.

But you give in to the necessity of placating his fears and try to smile at him. "I just - you know I had Jarvis put on a sign for when you stay too much in the lab." It was so long ago you surprised yourself in remembering this. You weren’t even together yet, it was a way of checking on him when he loosed himself in his science. It wasn’t a problem, but you didn’t want him to feel like you were doing it out of some weird sense of duty or obligation, even if it had a bit of it in the mix. "I'm just checking on you."

"I... I thought you had disabled it." He does not seem to mind it much, just a small confused expression.

"I did now. But I guess it was for the best, huh?" You try to lighten the mood and the corners of his lips actually goes up. You feel your lips doing the same. The silence stretches, but it's not bad, it's just... weird. You look around like you have not completely absorbed the space the second you entered and when you speak it's a soft murmur.

"Have you eaten?"

"I... yes, some chips... earlier." Bruce seems... troubled. Reluctant in looking at you and instead focusing on his hands. When he notices the behavior he casually shoves his hands on his coat pockets and tries to look at you, even if it's the smallest second.

"So, no." You try to make him feel at ease while maintaining some distance and not looking directly to his face. Scrutiny makes him anxious. Then again, maybe you're doing it for yourself. It pains you less if you don’t look at him so close.

"I'm okay... I just have a lot of work. I'm close to something here." It sounds pleading. Like he's offering a small plea that you don’t press on other matters. Like he's hoping you believe him. You actually do. There is no way he isn’t while drowning in work with that mess and numerous holographic information going on. It doesn’t mean its okay, though.

"I know, I get it... But you can take breaks, you know?" You try and stay playful in hopes he'll be more receptive of your offerings. "Eat and sleep and..." You dare a small breath in and jokingly frown. "I've heard showers are great too."

That actually makes him flinch and his face turns to red in embarrassment. It shows on your face right away it was not what you meant but the damage is done. Bruce murmurs a small apology and you almost ask forgiveness for the joke. Somehow you don’t think that dragging it will be any good, so you just change the subject all together.

"So what do you say... I order some miso soup from that place you like... It being here by the time you're out of the bath... Then a nice, actual bed instead of crashing on your chair?" You try to sound nice and uncompromised, just a suggestion and not you trying to lure him out of his lab for a bit.

He actually exhales a long breath. His shoulders turning down like he just started to feel the exhaustion setting inside his bones. His eyes close to the smallest of moments and when they open he is already dropping the tablet that were on his hand on the top of the table and giving tentative steps in your direction.

"Sounds... good, really."

You wait while he take his time in getting out of the lab. He tells JARVIS to save everything and the lights on the holographic screen blinks and then proceeds to be turned down. Everything slowly starts to fade and by the time Bruce's out of the door it's all turned off and dark. You let him pass through the door first and do not look up when he passes you close enough you could reach him. You just focus on slowly breathing, small intakes of air and then exhales; pretending you don’t feel the urge to wrap him in your arms and ask forgiveness for whatever it was that you did for him end things, like it isn’t physically hurting you to be so close and yet so distant to him; like you aren’t still completely in love with him.

You walk in silence to the elevator and before you are even close to their doors, JARVIS already opened them for him. Bruce's dragging his feet and looking down all the way, even his shoulders downcast, but it must be tiredness. He gets in the elevator and notices you have long stopped following him. It's then he finally looks at your face.

"Everything is ready for you. I'll order the soup. Go take a nice shower." You say and nods like Jarvis would see it and then take Bruce to his floor. You don’t know if he did it though, because the doors start to close at the same time. Bruce's lips open like he want to say something but stays silent. His eyes are open like he's scared, but then he's gone behind metal doors.

Your next steps are inane. You tell JARVIS to make sure Bruce gets inside his place and order the miso soup he likes and ask for it to be there in twenty minutes, with due additional. It kinda warms your heart when the AI ​​answers he'll make sure someone takes it to his place. You don’t know if he should be alone right now. Not for the heartbreak... more for fear he’ll pass out without eating or something like that. It wouldn’t be a first.

You feel lost and for some time you just stop there, waiting for the elevator doors to open again. When they do, your heart still falls when it comes empty even if you were not expecting anything - it would not make sense for you to do. When you get in you feel constricted inside the metal box. It makes no sense, but his presence feels too close - it was not even the elevator he used! You're losing your mind.

When the elevator does not move, you look at it’s ceiling like it will give you answers. When they obviously do not, you just sigh. You consider your options - go home and feel completely overwhelmed with everything that just happened while worrying if Bruce really got to sleep and eat or find a way to slow your mind down, maybe get blurry and even better - completely drown everything out, all night.

You feel a lot better with a plan. "Administration floor, please, Jarvis."

"There's nothing open on that floor, Miss. Are you positive?"

"Yes."

 -

When you get down to the administration levels, which are around the twenty-something floor, everything is slightly dark - only the corridor lights are on and the offices are all closed and somber, done for the day. You don’t even know what time it is, and you don’t care. In the end of the corridor, by the corner, there is a true hidden gem of the Stark Industries.

You know the bar was originally some kind of fancy coffee when Stark was still famous for other things than being a man in a suit of armor and his staff were closing deals in and out with people from everywhere. It must have been a nice place to sit down and have a talk while negotiating a few millions purchase back in the day. There is not one light on in the bar, but there's no need with those amazing windows and the bright city lights. You push the door and it's surprised when it doesn’t even bulge. You didn’t think the places there would get truly locked, just turn the lights off and close the door, like most offices. This time, when JARVIS voice shows up, you are not surprised.

"Miss L/N, you do not have access to this area in out of service hours."

"I thought everything was open to use in the Tower."

"This place will be open from 8h30 a.m. to 8h00 p.m."

"Not good enough." You murmur and search for your phone in your pockets. Finding it, you're a quick message for Tony. Regardless of the place, he can grant you access. "Give me access to the bar on the administration floor. Do not ask." You send. The answer comes in a few seconds when JARVIS voice’s heard again the same time as the click of the door being unlocked echoes down the hall. "Access granted to Miss L/N."

 Opening the doors to that place always amazed you. You couldn’t decide if it was the huge windows with the most beautiful view of the city you had ever seen, the sentimentality for it being the first place you had been in the Tower even when you were new in the city or how the space made you feel comfortable in such a strange and hectic place; or even if it was the attractive smell of flowers and the suggestion of leather, that no matter what time you arrived, used to circle the space. The place was decorated in earthy, professional tones, wooden tables and comfortable, padded chairs. It should be good to be used for all purposes - ranging from a negotiation to a lunch break. And the view... captivated you every time.

 The bar was just after the door, after a small step. The counter was incredible and imposing, a great array of countless drinks that you bet on as being tasteful. You were not exactly a fan of alcohol; a wine was always welcome, an occasional liquor or even whiskey, but it was in punctual moments and a glass of wine in stressful weeks, not exactly a regular occurrence in your life - except for the last.

But the best part was the panoramic view of the city offered by the glass walls of the Stark building. You made your way to the marble counter and peered through the open bottles until you found something that looked strong and smelled good, risking a glance at the glass but having no idea what it truly were besides a whiskey. Picking up a glass from the counter, you walked over to the sofa in front of the open view next to the bar, but sat on the floor and leaned your back on it as you relished. Your mind finally seemed to calm down a bit and you poured the drink in the cup, risking a long gulp and coughing because of the strength and ardor. Oh yeah, that was a one-way ticket to a night without dwelling on heartbreak. Just a ungracious blackout on your bed - you'd figure out how to get there later.

 -

You have no idea how long it’s been or what you’ve been doing when you notice the bright red hair of the woman standing close to the wall. You cough in the middle of drinking and your hand flows to your chest in a defensive motion. Your lungs burn with the liquid and your eyes fill with unshed tears and you cough a few swears by the pain. Natasha’s by the pillar, looking at you with unreadable eyes in the dark. She looks amazing with the city lights framing her profile and you look down to your feet with warmth in both your face as your belly. You say is the booze. 

"Wow, you really have the whole spy thingy on point. I could have spilled my ..." You actually stop and look at your cup. It's a deep brown liquid that burns when you drink it on one go. You can not really recognize the taste through the burning in your throat. "...whatever this is."

"I try." The redhead says and actually snatch the bottle at your side, on the one step, and pours herself a cup on the bar counter. Your mind feels the right amount of dizzy, that great, short-lived point where things seem to be slow but they're going fast and you can barely focus on anything more than a few seconds and when you do stuff, sometimes you don’t remember. The best drunk point. You just hope it lasts.

The bright lights out the enormous glass walls are so enticing you stay quiet just looking at them for a while. Even when Natasha comes back and sits cross-legged on your side, returning the bottle to her rightful place and nurturing her cup of whatever, you stay looking at the city. It's funny how life has that sense of progression when you do it. Like if life is truly going on, but you're frozen - you really can not see what would be in the next step for you.

"Do you ever... can’t see your future?" You ask and Natasha actually looks at you with a small humorous smile gracing her seemingly natural red lips. You feel your body heating but it's the booze and shame, that you know. You snort ungraciously at her and take a small sip of your drink to try and put your thoughts in order. "I mean, the next step." There's a beat of silence before you keep on going. "Normally I have it all laid out, like: Gonna keep on working and get to whatever in charge position I can get. Finish my post-doctorate. Try to visit my parents on the next weekend. You know, the future." You're slurring and motioning with your head while both your hands hold your cup because it feels light on your numb hands.

"Seems to me you still have some guidelines." She muses in that tone she has. You blink.

"But... I can’t see it. I can’t see myself doing it with the same passion anymore. I... planed those things with an endgame, y'know. What's the endgame now?" There's a long silence and you complete forgets what you were thinking while slowly sipping from your cup and looking at the city. The places are starting to close and some lights are being turned down, and even so everything seems so illuminated. Everywhere you look it's bright as if it's pulsing. Even the darkened bar where you're sited on the floor seems so clear in the light-cast shadows. You don’t really know when it is that you decide to descend your head into Natasha's laps like if it were the most common thing and not something that could get you killed in a few seconds if she so wished. Apparently drunk you is needy and stupidly brave. You're down with it, though; her lap is soft even if her legs are hard muscle and your eyes are starting to feel so heavy.

"...It can always be you ."

"What?" You try and slur it out through your slow brain. You barely remember what she said in the first place.

"Your endgame. Can be simple you."

Your eyes open for an slight second and you hum on her lap. Natasha feels warm and you curl the best you can around her. "Nice."

[renaer-is-allegedly-hot]

session 12 notes

one day . one day i swear i will fix this formatting but today is not that day

Lol late is my brand

Let's go

The halflings can stack up under a trench coat

Adam has disguise self

Aerana and asyna don't need to do anything kinda

Now we're talking abt the road to el dorado

We just killed loser boy

Kenku got info from adam, cel and theo

What are we doing lmao

Adam is jiggling the small room's door and we go inside the room

Inside looks like an office, shelf w pickled body parts + cataloguing what the parts r and what they do

They were running away lmao ok

Yes we're still salty about this

"different interpretations of charm person" - jacob, 2020

Body part stuff

No halfling writing system in waterdeep

Dwarf toes, elven ears

Magic items ? Cel rolls perception 22

Weird jar w dull amber colored liquid, don't know if it's magical but noticed; unlabeled

"the jar of necrotic pee" - jacob, 2020

Smells like aloe

Adam smells his fire-resistant potion and it smells more like burnt ash

Smth else cel found has strange engravings

Just looks like metal bar

Boxy squarish iron bar abt the size of a halfling; it's strong but surprisingly light

Adam picks it up and hits a wall w it

Adam rolls for attack, 4

Nothing rlly happens

Makes a ringing sound

None of us can read giant

Looks rlly strange, written in blocky linear runes

A few things on it that stick out like engravings of ppl

Big bearded humanoids but small and fine so difficult to make out

Adam rolled 17 for investigation through files

Some stuff related to running wig shop; shop was at least somewhat a legitimate business

Notes abt billing for criminal organizations and guilds

Some ref to meeting w xant middlemen who would collect bodies

Names

Noska

Hired gorrick to track us down ??

N ?????

Adam looking for a key in the desk, doesn't find it

Head to the chest, adam tries to open

Not locked

A bunch of teeth

It's a mimic, adam has to roll damage

Adam is hit

Adam takes 10 damage

We're looking at diff things around the room and then hear a screech of pain as adam gets bitten

Slams down on adam's hand and four little eyes pop up and stare as it eats adam's hand

Mimic takes 9 damage as adam explodes

Cel shoots an arrow into the eye

22 to hit, 8 damage

Adam uses cutting words

-1d6

"hey fuck"

Adam could try to pull his hands away

Adam pulls his hands out

Adam bends down to it and takes a ration out of his backpack

"dom I'm gonna bend down to it"

The chest has closed back

Adam is going to throw rations instead, dex check

13; doesn't open so adam drops food on its head

Chest sits there looking at adam and eventually out of the side of the chest a weird stretchy amoeba-like arm comes out of it, takes the food and throws it in its mouth

"who's a good boy ? Who's a good boy !! Who's a good chest !!" adam, 2020

Adam takes out all his five rations and makes a trail leading out of the room

Chomper ? Maybe

It looks uninterested and its eyes have shut

Looks exactly like a chest now and hasn't moved; still has an arrow but just looks like a normal chest

It's a small chest that's pickuppable

Adam wants to walk his chest

Adam casts sleep on the chest

7d8s

27hp

When adam casts sleep the chest doesn't move, adam rolls perception 5

Adam tries to pick it up from behind v carefully from the bottom

It's kinda stuck to the floor and the wall; doesn't appear willing to budge

Asyna is still ape!asyna

Tries picking it up from behind like adam

Rolls a 6; won't move

One of its creepy tendrils sticks out and hits ape!asyna

10 bludgeoning damage; ape!asyna basically got slapped but now stuck to the chest

It's kind of loose now

Ape!asyna rolls a 20 and yanks it off the wall, now just dangling off asyna's arm and it's heavier than asyna thought it was

Feels dense

Adam is gonna try and tie its mouth shut

"he kinda starts flailing around a bit" dom, 2020

"aw he likes his new leash" jacob, 2020

Jacob gets hit again

Ape!asyna is gonna try and pull it off, 17 and gets off

Large clump of fur comes off and it's painful

adam "I'm going to try and use centrifugal force to swing it over my head"

"make a strength check" dom, 2020

Rolls 17

Slams it on desk, doesn't let go, nature check adam has no idea what it is

At some point the chest drops off, we stand back and adam casts shatter

11 damage

Chest kind of melts into the floor almost like it deflated, starts snaking way across room until it finds a hole and slithers up and disappears

"fuck you too chompi" adam 2020

Where it dissolves is 20 gold

"n I c e . That was worth the four spell slots" adam, 2020

Adam disguises self and turns into his dad

Adam is a tiefling

Dad is not a tiefling

Taller, dark black hair but not curly, short on the sides + floof forward

Looks more confident than adam

Same freckles

No one knew adam had freckles

Look p similar overall

Sounds the same as adam when he talks

He's a human

We don't know it's adam's dad

"a real dilf" dom, 2020, about adam's dad

"not like your REAL DAD, JACOB, JESUS" dom, 2020

Now we don't have time to unpack ALL OF THAT

Gonna find a hotel or smth

Except gotta disguise selves first

In the wig shop there is any wig u could possibly desire

Some mounted beards

Can't tell if any of the wigs r magical

I don't haAve magicccc :(

Adam puts a blonde wig on the ape

I thought asyna un-aped

Asyna un-apes and disguises self as asyna

Theo takes a long brunette wig w a braid down the back

Cel wants to pretend to be adam's child

Gets a curly dark hair wig

Hammer pants

Cel theo and adam all have freckles

It's nighttime springtime in waterdeep; it's raining

Trades ward going to find a hotel

Avoid own houses for awhile

Going to nearest inn

Let's go to the yawning portal

It is an inn not just a bar

Typ is in fact in the trades ward

One room as the father and two daughters and one room as lesbian elves

Durnan's downstairs and is friends w mirt

We head over to typ

This ward is busier than others we've seen at this time of night

Walk over to side entrance of typ

It never shuts down; always ppl here

Familiar warmth as we approach

Bard competition

Ppl placing bets, drinking, sitting in booths

The rooms r upstairs

Adam calls himself lysander

"a room for me and my daughters"

They get a room on the third story

Room on the third floor

We rendezvous in adam's room

We hear a scream echo out from the well

Adam has two plans

One includes his pants

The pants plan is we track down the dude w the pants

Second includes him singing, waiting to get mugged by the zants

Get mercenary help ?

Pants is plan c

Durnan is plan a

Cel is portia

Theo is lavinia

The doors lock

Long rest? Long rest maybe later

Adam and cel go up to one of the goliaths

"hey there big friend"

He looks like a well-read person

Takes out honey and asks him if he knows what it is

O it's honey

"well there r means of finding this out . For a price"

How much per item - FIVE GOLD

Adam hands him 10 gold and the big rod

"this is a jar of ointment that was first created by the wizard kyogton" I have no idea what that wizard's name is but that's what it sounded like

A dose can be swallowed or applied to the skin and in addition to healing and rejuvenating health, any poison or disease it may have is instantaneously cured

Can't tell how many doses in it

It's v expensive, v rare

Now the stick and he looks uber interested in it

"hm , where did you find this"

"my dad's attic ,,, he's a hoarder"

"let's make a deception check with a capital d"

Nat 1

Adam tells this guy the whole thing and the guy nods

"this is a valuable piece . Would you be interested in parting with it"

Cloud giants made them so their servants could help them build their castles

It's an immovable rod

Writing speaks of ancient cloud giants that were war-inclined

Flat button on the end of it

He sticks it out into the air and presses the button; when he takes his hand away, the rod doesn't fall and it stays floating in the air

Adam grabs onto it but he can't move it

Anybody can push the button tho

Adam asks what the goliath is offering

Offers us 5,000 gold

Adam gets his name - woetheir ????

Woetheir frequents typ when he's here

They're going on a quest; were asked by the open lord to complete a task on the isle of chault

Adam's gonna go to bed

Cel's gonna take a bath

We take long rest

Durnan time

Adam gives durnan a quick rundown of what happened

"ayo what's poppin durnan long time no see my guy"

It's morning it's 9ish breakfast time

Doesn't give any indication whether or not he recognizes them

Adam asks for scrambled eggs and bacon

Adam's asking if he knows anything abt the xants

Theo asks durnan if there's somewhere more secluded they can talk

Gestures to one of the booths and theo cel adam go over

They're uh . Telling durnan everything p much

He has look of passive disinterest but slightly less disinterest the more of the story they tell

"how is mirt?"

"he has renaer and floon"

"he's let himself go"

The xants r v powerful; leadership inscrutable even to open lord herself

Prior, durnan didn't care abt open lord

Guesses whoever obtains the stone would b hunted by the city which could b problematic

Half a million gold dragons

Could get help outside the city ? Roots go deep but do not extend outwards

Flee or contact city officials

"I think theo has a crush on him" adam, 2020

Stone is likely being taken or was already taken to guild hq

We could bust into hq but probs bad idea

Durnan says he's sure anyone could break into xants hq

Lmao durnan sounds so weighed down by life

Every now and then he looks over to well

Durnan is basically saying friendship is magic

The xants don't often come to typ and don't draw swords there

They fear it and durnan

"what's the hole?" adam rolls for insight, dirty 20

Odd expression comes across durnan's face

Mixture of disgust and longing

Uh … disgust and longing … for a hole? Ok durnan

We don't have to talk abt that I guess

Cel asks durnan to send a message to mirt to let him know we're safe but probs not gonna see him for awhile

Apparently the xants aren't too particular abt their henchmen

He says ask the barkeep abt it

Passive perception

At some point durnan leaves and right as theo says that we hear a loud thump and someone says "cripes"

Jones ?

Cel looks under the table and there's jones

Cel drags him out

Theo has a new idea "hey guys let's not go through with using adam as bait yet"

Adam looks down at the goblin and threatens to make him deaf

Plan d is to eat jones

We take jones upstairs

Theo explains her new plan

If the stone is already at their hq

We go to them

Jones doesn't mess w the xants

Why is jones rhyming

What r we talking abt lmao oops I was looking at primary results

I'M SCREAMING I DIDN'T KNOW GOODSPACEGUY WAS 81

No one has asked us for info abt the stone ?

Lmao is this like @me abt what's his name

Jb nevercaught ???? Jp nevercaught ?????? Idk who he is

What's our goal

We gotta figure out what we wanna do ig

We just wanna know where the xants r otherwise we duct tape his mouth and tie him up

"consider it stroked and very, very much needed" jones, 2020

To the dock ward in a wrecked whale oh the wrecked whale

"not the erect whale" cel, 2020 ????

There's a knock at the door

There's no peephole

Asyna asks "who is it"

HAHAHHAHAHA

MARGUERITE LMAO

"uh I work at the bar downstairs uh durnan had some - he wanted to speak to the drow"

I'm screwed

He has page hat on

"first durnan said we could stay as long as we'd like"

And he was offered money by this guy to speak to me

There's an elven man w v long and stringy hair, pointed nose and pointy ears

Looks rlly skinny and physically weak

Looking over scrolls

"guess who"

What the fuck

Nareel ??? naREEL????? WHO THE FUCK IS NAREEL???????

I don't kNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING !!!!!!

The stone fascinates him

Offering us partial membership

Occasional encouragement to go on various missions

He has resources

Treasure and gold involved, but not for the weak-willed

Offering 500 gold for completion of a task

They have captured a high-ranking member of the xants and tried to get info of him

More resilient than they thought he would be

They need him back in three days

Is this a roast session ???? Of aerana ???? When she dips to hang out with the other guy ???????

They're trying to figure out who her friend is

Jones wanted to be a painter

Adam is offering to have jones join us to maybe kill him??????

If he wants gold he has to go get it

They'll keep

"I'm gonna fill your goody bag real good so you better keep your mouth shut" adam, 2020 to jones

Oh god I'm such an avoidant lmao

Oh god I don't

"these conversations will become more difficult as things become more difficult but I think for now that went as well as it could have possibly gone"

"you will find him in your basement"

wHICH BASEMENT

We're gonna go home

To the north ward we go

You go to the basement

The ropes look kinda weird

He's not tied with rope

They're metal bands looped around him

Metal bindings

Doesn't look like he's gonna get out of it

Adam and cel don't see anything out of the ordinary but have noticed things moved around a little bit

Dwarf w dark brown skin, white/gray beard, looks roughed up - not injured, just worse for wear

Adam has him make a wisdom saving throw

Adam charms him

Approaches him first

Adam starts massaging his shoulders

Jfdkaslfha then takes the gag off

"are you here to let me out?" the dwarf

"even better I'm here to spend some quality time with you" adam, 2020

Says he has to get back to the master

Master silgar must be fed

His sacred duty is to feed master silgar

Master silgar has a shimmering son what

"Shakes the oceans with a swish of his body"

In the beginning there was xanathar and then he said silgar should be the one they care for until the seas rise and destroy the city

Controls the eye of the xanathar as the eye of the xanathar control him

His name is ot stillgeer

Adam says his name is cain

Blasphemy for adam to propose bringing lord silgar to him

Lord silgar lives in a great temple

He's the high priest of silgar

We're telling him it's our summer home

Adam winks at everyone and we go upstairs

Adam casts second-level sleep on him

44hp puts him to sleep

Adam is gonna disguise-self a beard when the dwarf next wakes up

Stage it so it looks like he had been there for a month

Everyone changes their clothes

Tally marks on the wall

It's like late afternoon at this time

Adam tells him he woke up after 79 days, rolls for deception

Rolls a 24

Looks over and says "79 days"

"am I dead"

"no but the xanathar want you dead"

"I'm free"

23 for deception

Lord silgar is a fish? A fish ? A goldfish

Lord xanathar loves his goldfish more than anything

Ot has to replace the fish

19 mans is telling the truth

Not really any sign we're being watched when cel rolls for perception

We watch ot, take turns resting and surveilling our own house

Night comes

When asyna is on watch in the tower

Sees figures start making way across street to our house

6 humanoids start trying to break into the house

Glass shatters as one goes through a window

The tapestry was lord silgar

The goldfish has no connection to the koi fish asyna spoke to

Two objectives?

Find the stone

Or control the xanathar w a fish

The stone is a map to half a million gold

[romancingromanoff]

What Happens At Disney.... Part 1/3

(Natasha Romanoff x femme reader, Avengers x reader)

So I got requested to do a fic where the team and reader go to Disney and I was all over it and had so many ideas that I had to split it up into three parts oops. This is how the reader convinces everybody else to take them to Disney and the next to parts will be fluffy fun stuff at the park. I had an idea for them to meet Gaston??

Also the third part of Bring Her Home is on the way.

Part 2, Part 3

Dragging the team to Disneyworld was hard enough. For your last three birthdays you had begged them to take you to Orlando; it wasn’t even like you were asking to go to the one in Tokyo or anything so it was sad how close it was to New York yet you had never gone before. You were finally able to convince them to go to Disney during one mission in the desert when you had resorted to your most desperate of plans.

“(Y/N), would you stop digging there is a SANDSTORM about to hit us!” yelled Tony

You just kept on digging deeper and deeper into the endless pile of sand which was only filling itself back up every few seconds by now since the winds were so strong.

“I still don’t understand what’s going on,” Steve complained while he and Nat stood under his shield which he was holding up like an umbrella to deflect the sand.

Thor was over the next hill cursing to himself about the sand in his beard and hair, Hulk was trying to punch his way out of a dust cloud that had engulfed him to no avail, and Clint was around somewhere.

“Yup, I’m going to die,” you heard Clint crying out to the wind as none of them were going to leave without you.

“She’s trying to find the Cave of Wonders,” explained Nat with her head in her hand as she remembered that stupid movie you wouldn’t shut up about. “It’s from the Disney movie with the magic lamp and the genie, Aladdin.”

“Well when you find it can you wish me back from the dead?” asked Clint.

“No, that’s against the rules.”

“JESUS FU-“

“Okay, before we all get swept away back in time,” began Tony. “I just have one question...... WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?”

“Well, apparently, finding a magic genie to grant me three wishes is the only way I’m ever going to make it to Disneyworld since none of you will take me!”

“OH MY GOD THAT’S WHY?!? YOU KNOW WHAT? OKAY, FINE, YOU WIN. I WILL TAKE YOU TO DISNEYWORLD.”

“No, all of you have to come!” You demanded.

“I’m already headed to Disney right now,” Clint said spitting out sand from his mouth as he was now stuck in a pile of it that went up to his shoulders. “I can already see the lights, (Y/N), and they’re beautiful.”

“Whatever this place is, if it is away from all this sand then I will go,” Thor said.

“HULK GO DISNEY!”

“You have my word,” Steve shrugged before everyone turned to Natasha who was just standing there with her forehead still resting against her fisted hand as she kept looking down to avoid the sand getting in her eyes.

“Nat, promise?” you ask hopefully.

“I’M HEADED TO THE OTHER SIDE YOU GUYS!” Clint coughed.

“Fine, whatever, yes, I’ll go, just get me out of here before we’re all buried alive.”

You heard a muffled sound coming from a pile where Clint’s hair and bow were just sticking out at the top before you smiled with satisfaction and casually flicked your wrist and the winds automatically vanished revealing a clear blue, cloudless sky.

“How did I forget,” Tony groaned looking around in awe as he could see the dunes traveling in every direction for miles and miles now just seconds after he could barely see anything a foot in front of him. “She can control the weather.... she controls the goddamn weather.”

That was a week ago. And now that you had bought your tickets, finally decided which t-shirt you were going wear (you went with light blue Cinderella one that had Lucifer on it with the caption “bad kitty”), and sat through an entire plane ride of everyone else groaning and complaining, the one thing that was going to keep you from getting in was Thor’s fragile masculinity.

“No, no, let me explain again,” he did his nervous laughter thing he pulls when someone underestimates him or tells him he can’t do something. “This is no regular hammer and I am no regular person. I can see how it might be hard for you earthly humans to understand, but this hammer is an ancient magical object that helps me wield powers greater than anything else in this cosmos. You cannot possibly think that I am going to leave it.”

The poor teenager that had to run security of the entrance looked like a good guy. You were sure he started his job out as enthusiastic as an over-caffeinated forrest creature because it was Disneyworld for God’s sake! But days and days filled with angry soccer moms and now Thor trying to mjölnir through the metal detectors had just sucked all of the joy out of him. “Sir, I can’t allow you to bring weapons in the park.”

“THIS IS-” Thor almost exploded but you shot him a warning and he shook his head trying to laugh off his anger before sucking in a deep breath and forcing a smile. “This is not a weapon. Did you just not hear the description I was giving about it being an ancient magical object? Huh? Do you understand those words?”

“Well it looks a lot like a weapon.”

“It’s not a weapon.”

“What do you use it for?”

“Destroying my enemies and if this persists then you shall certainly be one of them.”

“Yeah, that sounds a lot like a weapon.”

“GOD, THOR!” you threw your hands in the air. “Just set it down here and then in the park you can... you know....”

“(Y/N), that is not the point. The point is I am being wrongly accused of-”

“PUT. IT. DOWN.” You ordered before he let go of the hammer and let it fall to the ground but not without giving you a cold look. As the rest of you were then finally allowed to pass through the gates you got all excited watching Cinderella’s castle come into view at the end of Main Street, USA. You were determined to make sure everyone had a good time today and if you had to raise your voice a few times like you had just done with Thor, then so be it.

“Sir!” you could hear in the distance back behind you. “You can’t just leave this weapon here!” the park worker’s voice was strained as he and four other security guards tried pulling on the handle with no luck. But you were too busy staring up at the giant castle you had always dreamed of seeing in person. Your adventures with the Avengers had taken you all over the world and to many castles and fortresses, but this one made the child that you had always kept inside of you jump up and down with glee.

“Sir!” Thor rolled his eyes and opened his hand to bring mjölnir flying directly to him causing all of the people that had been trying to lift it to fall on their backs. 

The rest of the team just sort of awkwardly watched you beaming at all of the sights around you and they waited patiently and hopefully for fantasy moment to end. But they would be disappointed because you were only getting started.

Tony coughed. “So, now what?”

[thdorkmagnet]

Light of the Sun and Stars Chapter 31: Is Mystery?

Summary: His whole life Marco Diaz has been raised by monsters, living under the cruel rule of their leader, Toffee. But one day Marco escapes into Mewni where he meets a magical princess and Mewman like himself, who begins teaching him all about her world. Together they will learn about life, love, and the lights within each of them, as they change their world forever.

Chapter Synopsis: Buff Frog and the other Monsters a wild-goose chase across Mewni to uncover the truth about the mysteries assassin, Rasticore. But the path to answers is riddled with dangers and secrets and the cost of such knowledge may turn out to be too high for them to take. 

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Index

Disclaimer: Star vs and all its characters are owned by Daron Nefcy and Disney. All rights go to them.

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  The dark trees shuddered and swayed against the harsh treatment from the biting cold wind that swept through the forgotten corner of Mewni. No light managed to seep through the broken and mangled branches that twisted into sharp thorns hanging forebodingly from the trees, only eery shadows and shrill calls from whatever beasts lurked the woods occupied the dreary landscape. But still the four figures dressed in long dark capes continued onward, facing the treacherous woods undeterred. Though one of them shivered as a cold gust of wind made his body grow cold, blowing into his paws for warmth.

“Hey uh, Buff Frog,” he asked, trying to keep the nervous edge out of his tone as he followed his leader deeper into the creepy place. “Are we almost there?”

“Yeah, my feet are sore and it's so cooollld,” another whined, only to be hushed by a slap across the back of his head  from another of the clocked figures.

“Shut up, idiot!” He growled low. “The boss knows what he's doing.”

“Your the idiot!” the other argued back, his anger overshadowing his fear for a moment. “And stop hitting me!”

“Oh what do you care you got a hard enough shell!”

“Yeah well it's too bad you don't, since you have way too thin of skin, no wonder you explode every time someone opens up their mouth!” the first now chimed in and the third ground his teeth in fury.

“Why you little-” Soon the three were in a scuffle on the road, punching, tackling, and even biting one another, fighting and rolling around cartoonishly on the forest floor. A clearing throat though soon broke up the aggressive quarrel as all three looked over to see Buff Frog, his hood now down, staring at them disapprovingly.

“Sorry boss!” all three mumbled out, like children apologizing for a crime, and stood back up, looking sheepishly at the ground.

Buff Frog sighed. “Should be up ahead,” the Monster leader said, choosing to ignore the short brawl and focus back on the task at hand. “Come,” he said, before continuing forward not bothering to keep to see if his men were following or not. At this point he had much worse things on his mind than a few Monsters arguing and brawling. He knew they were all just stressed anyways, this was how some of them dealt with it.

Tensions had been extra high ever since the trip to Gravity Falls, since then every single Monster in the group had been fearful and stressed knowing their youngest was seemingly a target of some mysterious Monster. Though Buff Frog knew the kids could take care of themselves and that Star would protect his son with her life, he still felt the need to do something. He hated just sitting around knowing that out there, somewhere, one of his own was just hiding in the shadows and plotting the downfall of Mewni.

Because that was also a factor, if this unknown Monster succeeded (parish the thought) he could ruin the reputation of the Monsters, smear their name and give the Magic High Commission a reason to interfere. And from what Star had told him, that was not a reality Buff Frog wanted to experience. But really all of that was an afterthought to help justify his true actions, finding and stopping this Rasticore before he could attack and hurt his son again. He put his role as parent before anything else, even being a ruler, it just so happened that protecting his son would also benefit his people in the long run.

Which was what brought him here now, along with three of his most trusted Monsters, hoping to gain some soft of knowledge as to the identity to this Rasticore. He had already asked around and nobody seemed to who he was, as far as most Monsters was aware he didn't exist. Which forced Buff Frog to take some desperate measures and, against his better judgment, now resorted to seeking out the criminal underbelly of Monster kind.

He spotted lights up ahead and he held up a hand to stop his subordinates in their tracks, wanting to get close without being noticed... not yet anyways. They snuck forward a few more feet before Buff Frog parted a bush, spotting a rundown bar up ahead, looking dark and menacing against the landscape of the forest, even the glow from the lantern light seeping out of the windows doing nothing but add even more dark shadows to the rest of its numerous companions. “Um, Buff Frog?” Bearicorn asked, removing his hood so Buff Frog could see his anxious frown. “Do you really think this is a good idea?”

“Yeah, these people are bad news,” Beard Deer added, also revealing his face for all to see. “Are you sure there isn't another way?”

“No, no other way,” Buff frog argued, his gaze stony as he stared at the bar. “This best bet.”

“Yeah but what makes you think they'll even tell you,” Lobster Claws, the third under the hood, though he had yet to pull it down. “Especially after... y'know.”

All three of the other Monsters cringed, not wanting to speak of the memory of what Toffee had forced them to do all those years ago. “These Monsters live off money, we pay them, they tell us, no problem.”

The others all shared a look, but said nothing more, just following their boss with worried frowns on their faces, all except Lobster Claws, whose face still couldn't be seen. Buff Frog reached the door to the bar, pausing a moment to gather himself and slow his racing heart. I doing this for Marco, he reminded himself. Marco will be protected. And with that he flung the doors open.

The residents in the bar, who only a moment ago had been loudly talking and arguing, all fell silent as they looked at the newcomers to their humble hang-out. A tension filled the room as every pair of eyes silently glared at their leader and Buff Frog tried to not let his creeping discomfort show as he stood proudly in the doorway. “I think they remember us...” Lobster Claws whispered to his boss.

“You three stay. I handle,” Buff Frog said with determination.

Both Lobster Claws and Bearicorn sighed in relief at not having to go inside, but Beard Deer was quick to argue, “No way! You might need backup in case one of these scum tries and attacks you!” To his credit the deer Monster did manage to keep his voice low enough so that he wasn't heard by the patrons of the bar, but Buff Frog still felt a need to look over his shoulder to make sure.

“I be fine, I know how handle myself,” Buff Frog reassured his friend and second-in-command.

Beard Deer looked like he wanted to argue again but he swallowed it, instead nodding and saying, “Okay fine, but we'll be watching to make sure you're okay. I know these guys pretty well, so don't trust a word they say to you, cause it's probably a lie.”

Buff Frog smiled at his friend. He had almost forgotten that before Beard Deer had been recruited as part of Toffee's army he had been one of the very criminals in the room before him, making a living stealing and being a stain on society. He had grown up this way, living on the streets staying alive by stealing from Mewmans or off of already starving Monsters' plates. The only one he refused to steal from were the Diaz's who would offer him food freely, despite his criminal behavior, and he would feel too guilty just accepting the food they would give him much less stealing it. He made a point to avoid asking them unless he was at his most desperate not wanting to take advantage of their kindness, their loving nature almost too pure for the world. Because of this though, he carried on with his criminal nature, feeling he had no other choice to survive.

When Toffee came into power all of that changed, though, and he threw himself at the opportunity to work for someone in power, someone who could give him a better life than that of a thief. And when he had been accepted he swore he would follow the one who had given him his new life to the ends of Mewni and back. But that promise had been thrown in turmoil again when Marco came into the picture, the son of the two who had treated him with kindness when he deserved none and his priorities started to shift. Sadly though, the poison and fear Toffee instilled in him lasted and though he questioned it, when he had been ordered to begin killing Mewmans, he obeyed. Marco and his parents were the only Mewmans he cared about anyways, why should it bother him if the very people who were responsible for his previous lifestyle died? But it did and it continued to until Marco confronted Toffee and he was forced to choose between the two. And for him, it had been an easy choice. Now it was Buff Frog who Beard Deer swore his allegiance to and the deer Monster was willing to throw his life away if it meant protecting his boss, because without him he had no life at all.

Beard Deer watched as his boss walked through the crowded room, passing tables of scarred and angry looking Monsters, following his every move with their eyes, the looks in them making the deer Monster clench his hands into fists to keep from storming over their and knocking their teeth in. He didn't like this, but they needed answers and he just had to trust his boss to know what he was doing.

Buff Frog reached the bar, which emptied at once, staring at the Monster bartender before him, silently cleaning out one of the glasses, not even bothering to look his way.

“So what'll it be?” he asked, gruffly, reaching behind him for a bottle of swampwater.

Buff Frog raised his hand at once to stop him, saying, “No drink for me. Just information.”

The bartender finally met his eye, saying sharply, “So what you think after all these years you can just come back into here and start asking for information? None of us forgot what you and your little team of half-wits did to us.” Behind him, Buff Frog heard the shifting of chairs as the criminals all stood to surround the lone Monster.

But Buff Frog kept his wits about him, not showing any fear as he simply said, “That long time ago, I different Monster then.”

“You made an example of us!” the bartender shouted, slamming the glass down. “Beat us down and then left us to pick ourselves back up and try and recover!”

“It was Toffee's orders. You planning to kill him,” Buff Frog said simply.

“And in the end you and your group did the job for us, how ironic,” the bartender said impassively, setting the cup down.

Buff Frog let out a sigh. This was getting him nowhere. “Look I sorry for what happened, truly am, but I need help.”

The bartender let out a small chuckle, rolling his eyes. “Ha, you think you can just come in here and start demanding stuff,” The Monster spat in obvious annoyance. “Just because your the new leader, don't mean any of us are gonna take order from you.” He leaned in closer, so his and Buff Frog's faces were just inches apart, glaring at him bitterly. “What makes you think any of us are gonna listen to a word you say?”

Buff Frog said nothing, reaching for his belt and pulling off a small bag, whatever contents inside it jingling around as it was lifted, and he dropped it unceremoniously on the counter top. The bag fell open on its side, sending a cascade of coins spiraling out of it. The bartender looked at the coins for a few seconds in silence, before shifting his attention back to Buff Frog a bright smile on his face as he said cheerfully, “So what can I do for you, friend?”

The frog Monster smiled, just as he predicted, these criminals operated on monetary gains offer them a big enough bribe and you could get them to do anything. “I looking for Monster,” he said solemnly, his tone serious and grave. “He committed great crime and I need to find him, before he strikes again.”

“Well you came to the right place,” the bartender chuckled, almost giddy now as he counted each coin in the bag.

Buff Frog nodded. “He goes by the name of Rasticore,” the frog said, his eyes monitoring for any reaction from the Monster before him.

The bartender looked up thoughtfully, obviously trying to remember ever hearing the name, before he shook his head, saying, “Don't know anyone by that name around these parts.”

The Monster leader let out a long sigh. Great another dead end. Now what was he supposed to do. “But,” the bartender said quickly, moving the bag a little more toward himself afraid the amphibian would snatch it back if he didn't provide him with more than that. “I know how you can find out?”

“How?” Buff Frog asked, leaning forward, not caring how desperate his voice sounded. All he cared about was making sure his little boy was safe.

“I may not know him, but there is a group I've heard of that has a far reach across Mewni and can find out anything you want to know, if they don't know it already. For a price of course.”

“Of course,” the frog Monster said, trying to keep the frown from showing. He had just spent a large amount of his funds talking to the bartender, he hoped the price from whoever this was wasn't too steep. He couldn't really afford another bribe. “So, who are they? Sounds almost too good be true.” He crossed his arms skeptically in front of his chest.

“Oh they're real,” the bartender assured him. “Though they may not be what your expecting.”

Buff Frog raised an eyebrow at the Monster. “How so?”

“Well, ya see... they're actually a bunch of rats.”

…

“Why are we even down here?” Bearicorn complained, as he and his fellow team made their way through a series of tunnels below ground, currently ankle deep in slimy and questionable water that oozed between the bear's toes with every step, making him whine. The others didn't seem nearly as grossed out as Bearicorn though, Buff Frog leading them with the map he had been given to help them find their way through the maze-like tunnels they were traveling through, not even noticing the disgusting squish after every step, his focus only on the task ahead. Beard Deer was beside him, holding up a torch to light their path and help his boss read off of their lifeline for navigating the dark tunnels. Lobster Claws was just humming a tune to himself, undeterred, as he followed behind them. Only Bearicorn seemed affected by the gross puddles they were walking through.

“Oh quit your belly aching, already!” Beard Deer barked at him. “Just take it like a Monster!”

“That's easy for you to say,” Bearicorn snapped back. “Your wearing shoes, while I'm stuck walking through this muck bare pawed!”

“Duh, you always have bear paws,” Lobster Claws said with a scoff.

The bear Monster growled in response, shouting, “I know!”

But the four froze as his voice echoed around the walls of the tunnel, making them shake and small bits of dirt to rain down on them. They all held their breath but finally the shaking stopped and they all sighed in relief, Beard Deer snapping, “Geez, you want to bury us alive down here?!”

“Nice going, Bearicorn,” Lobster Claws added with a frown.

“Must keep voice down,” Buff Frog scolded in a quiet tone. “Some tunnels very unstable.”

“Right, sorry boss,” Bearicorn said sheepishly.

Buff Frog nodded his forgiveness, before returning his gaze back to his map, saying, “If you wish turn back, you welcome to, but I must continue on.” With that he continued down the path, his other two Monster right behind him. Bearicorn hesitated for a moment, soon left in the dark as the light from the torch disappeared around a corner. He groaned as he weighed his options, his head swiveling back and forth from the way he had come and the path ahead, trying to decide which way to go. But suddenly remembering Marco and the possible danger he was in, he swallowed his fear and nausea and followed after them, whispering “Ew!” with every disgusting step.

Once he caught up with them, they continued on in silence for a few moments, before Beard Deer hesitantly spoke up, “Uh, boss?”

“Da,” Buff Frog said, while looking between the two tunnels before them, frowning down at the map as he tried to figure out which way to go.

“Do you really think we can trust that guy?” the right-clawed Monster asked his leader.

The amphibian turned to stare at him. “Why you ask?” he asked in confusion.

“Well, it does sound pretty made up, doesn't it? I mean are we really supposed to believe a bunch of rats are our best bet of finding this Rasticore guy,” the deer Monster said honestly. “Just seems like a wild goose chase to me.”

“Rats cover every corner of Mewni,” Buff Frog explained. “They able to see things we can't. As strange as sounds, I think plan will work.”

“If you say so boss,” Beard Deer replied, though he still looked skeptical.

Buff Frog didn't notice though, his eyes on the map before he said, “This way, friends,” and headed down the tunnel to his right, the others keeping close to their boss. Eventually they heard the sound of squeaking over the loud sloshing of their paws and the Monsters paused to share a look with one another. But their leader took charge, silently inclining his head in the direction they were to go but gesturing for them to stay silent and move slow. The others nodded grimly, Beard Deer putting out his light, before he and the others slowly tiptoeing along through the murky water as they approached the source of the incessant squeaking. They finally came upon two rats who were chattering to one another, while shifting through a pile of garbage they had no doubt collected (or really stolen) from the surface.

One of their ears pricked up and they turned to the Monsters with a warning squeak. Buff Frog folded up his map and handed it to his second-in-command, before walking slowly forward with his claws raised to show he was harmless. “Please, no be alarmed,” he said, trying to keep his voice as soft and nonthreatening as possible. “We only wish speak with you. We hear you find anyone and we in need of information, which we trade you for.”

The two rats eyes him skeptically and Buff Frog turned to Lobster Claws. “Show them payment.”

All eyes fell on the crustacean, who turned to see who they were staring at before realizing who his boss was speaking to. “Oh right, me,” he said quickly, before reaching into the pockets of his shorts and pulling out a corncob, holding it up for the two rats to see in his oversized claws.

The rats licked their lips, their beady eyes seemingly incapable of looking away from the vegetable before one of them made a small squeak and held out its small paw. “So that yes, I presume,” Buff Frog asked and the rat nodded.

The frog bent down to shake paws with the rat, very gingerly holding his paw so as to not injure it. “Now then, need find Monster by name of Rasticore,” Buff Frog explained.

The two rats shared some short dialogue together, before one of them held out its paw again, greedily indicating it wanting its payment at once. Lobster Claws saw this and said, “Oh okay, here you go,” before tossing it over to them, even as the other three Monster shouted, “NO!”

The corn flew through the air before splashing into the water right next to the two hungry rodents, who quickly dove for it and carrying it inbetween their teeth, ran off down the tunnel. “Quick, that only corn, must catch them!” Buff Frog shouted, him and the other Monster chasing after the surprisingly quick rodents.

The rats maintained a safe distance ahead, moving as one as they ran along the side of the tunnel so not held up by the stream of water. Buff Frog and his team, however, seemed to be more and more waterlogged as the level only seemed to rise until they were waist deep in the stuff, panting as they tried to push on after their escaping informants. “Wait, do you guys hear that?” Lobster Claws asked, as the sound of distant machinery clanking up ahead rang through the musty air.

But the frog didn't seem to notice this, only growing frustrated and desperate as the two rats entered into another tunnel, this one much larger than the one they were in and, in a last ditch effort, leapt toward them managing to snatch the two of them up into his paw and causing them to drop their stolen food, falling flat on his chest, temporarily knocking the air out of his lungs. The two rodents pulled and tugged against the claw keeping them trapped, trying to get loose, while Buff Frog took a second or two to regain his breath, finally panting out, “Now no more tricks, tell us what we want know.”

“Um, Buff Frog,” Beard Deer called behind him and he looked over at his subordinates who all stood stunned in the tunnels entrance, the deer Monster pointed forward numbly. In confusion, Buff Frog turned and his own mouth dropped open at the site of the small rat village before him. There was what seemed to be thousands of rats stood in front of him, staring at him with shock, around them were small buildings made of what looked to be garbage. Behind them was some soft of underground waterfall, a giant water wheel connected to it, forcing it to turn and thus flooding the tunnels that the rats occupied. The device was connected to some sort of glowing crystal thing which seemed to be powering everything else in the rodent's society, lightbulbs hanging from the ceiling or sitting on the floor, as well as some sort of giant barrel looking thing which seemed to be processing their food supply.

“Well this is... unexpected,” Buff Frog muttered, as he stood. It hadn't even crossed his mind that the rats had created some sort of city or society below ground, much less one that seemed to be thriving. The sound of incessant squeaking drew his attention back to his claw, where the two rats he had caught were glaring at him. “Oh sorry,” Buff Frog quickly apologized, setting the two back down on the ground, he bent down on one knee as she said, “You leading us back to home, weren't you?”

The two squeaked and nodded, still looking upset with him, one of them crossing their arms in front of their chest.

He picked up the corn from where it had fallen and handed it back to the rats saying, “I assumed wrong, please forgive my mistake.” The two stared at him blankly for a second, before smiles lit up their faces and they scampered away with corn in tow. They ran up to their fellow rodents, throwing the corn down in front of them, squeaking out their explanations to them and pointing to both the food and Buff Frog.

The other Monsters caught up with their leader, Bearicorn asking, “Um, so what do we do now?”

“I suppose we wait for answer,” Buff Frog said, standing once more.

“And um, what if they don't know?” Lobster Claws hesitantly asked, watching as the rats all seemed to be sharing some sort of intense conversation with one another, several squeaking at the same time to apparently say their peice.

“They will know,” Buff Frog said with confidence.

After a couple more minutes, one rat emerged from the group and scampered over to them, a large black patch over his left eye. Buff Frog bent down once more to speak to him, asking, “You know how to find Rasticore?”

The rat nodded and made a small squeak. “Well, where is he?” Beard Deer basically demanded, getting overzealous to find the threat to Marco's life.

The rat squeaked once, before holding up a tiny paw and then swiping it down over and over again, with an angry look on his face. The four watched him skeptically, Bearicorn asking in worried confusion, “Uhhh, what is he doing?”

“Think he is trying to tell us in own way,” Buff Frog observed.

“Oh I love charades!” Lobster Claws shouted, pushing the others out of the way so he could move closer to the tiny motioning rat, still making the same movement. “Hitting. No cutting. Slicing something. Slicing vegetables!” The crustacean gasped. “Rasticore is gonna make Marco and Star into a salad!”

The rat face-palmed, Beard Deer quickly shoving Lobster Claws out of the way. “No, you idiot! Let me take a try!” he growled.

The rat resumed his stabbing motion, before looking around nervously, sneaking back and forth on tip-toes. “So stabbing and then sneaking away,” the deer Monster observed with a frown.

“Sounds like an assassin,” Bearicorn said.

“And our Monster,” Buff Frog added grimly.

“Well okay, that was my second guess,” Lobster Claws said crossly, turning his head away from them pouting.

“We already know he's an assassin, we need to know where to find him,” Beard Deer told the rat.

The rat nodded before pretending to hand something to an invisible person, then pointing in front of him, followed by another stabbing motion.

“What's that mean?” Bearicorn asked, scratching his head in confusion.

“Someone hired him and then told him who to go after,” Buff Frog translated.

The rat nodded, pointing to Buff Frog to show he was right. The rodent then began to point incessantly in different directions, before more stabbing. “Told lots of people who to go after,” the frog Monster said slowly, not sure he quite understood what the rat was implying.

“Is he saying there are more people after the kids then we thought?” Beard Deer asked worriedly.

Buff Frog shook his head. “No, don't think that it,” he said, still trying to figure out what the rodent was trying to communicate to them. “He seem to be talking about group of assassins.”

The rat squeaked loudly, pointing to the Monster over and over again, and the four shared a look, a cold creeping fear seizing them at once. They knew where to find Rasticore now, but that didn't ease any of their minds as they realized who they would have to go up against to find him, Buff Frog whispering under his breath, “Assassin's Guild.”

…

The sound of rowdy cheering came from within the old run down temple, hidden deep in the darkest and most secure part of Mewni. It was just beyond the Forest of Unlikely Spider Bites, formed from a hallowed out version of one of the jagged mountains and converted into the perfect hiding spot for Mewni's most dangerous criminals, as well as the resting spot for the intergalactic group known across the multiverse as the Assassin's Guild. A group of the most elite and well-trained assassin's ever, all choosing Mewni as their home branch. The area around it was coated in thick vines which even spread all up the sides of the spiky structure.

Buff Frog and his team faced the building, staying close to the treeline and out of sight just yet of the two guards watching the place. The three lackeys seemed jumpy and ready to bolt back through the portal they had come in through under the careful guidance of their rat guide.  But the frog Monster, on the other hand, stood tall and strong, his eyes roaming the area grimly, though on the inside he felt quite the opposite. They were no longer dealing with ordinary criminals, this was much greater, much more sinister than he could have even imagined. He had never worked for them before, even Toffee not trusting them to respect his vision as he saw fit, electing to instead train his own Monsters to do the job rather than a group of assassins who could supposedly do it better. Buff Frog didn't even know where to start with this one, struggling to form any semblance of a plan this time and so he turned to his small rat companion, who stood on his shoulder, observing the area with its one tiny eye “This is place?” he asked.

The rat nodded and squeaked.

“You sure Rasticore originate from here?” Buff Frog questioned, he had to be one hundred percent sure that the rat was right before he started messing with the Assassin's Guild. The rat just nodded again and Buff Frog sighed, before turning to his friends and saying, “Very well then, Bearicorn stay and guard exit just in case we need quick getaway. Rest of us go inside. Don't say or touch anything unless say to.” Bearicorn and Beard Deer nodded their heads grimly.

“Wait, we can't just waltz in there,” Lobster Claws argued.

“Quit complaining and do as the boss says,” Beard Deer hissed, smacking his friend upside the head for the hundreth time.

“No, I mean, we can't just go in there as is, we need some kind of disguises so we won't be recognized,” the crustacean said, rubbing the back of his head with his claw.

“Disguises?” Bearicorn questioned raising an eyebrow.

Buff Frog pondered this for a moment, before admitting, “Could be good idea.”

Lobster Claws smiled proudly at his contribution before puffing out his chest and saying in a confident tone, “Okay then, guys. Just leave it to me. I got the perfect thing.”

The two guards standing watch were silent as they leaned against the wall comfortably, trying to look relaxed to throw off any unwanted guests to the area by easing them into a false sense of security. They looked up though as they heard a rustling in the bushes, seeing three figures emerge. One was a frog Monster with a beard and a long cloak that ran down to his ankles clearly trying to look menacing, the second was a deer Monster wearing an eye patch and a bandana, and the third was a lobster Monster wearing a mustache. The frog and deer both looked quite unhappy, frowning openly, while the lobster was grinning wildly as he took the lead and approached the two guards, saying cheerfully, “Hey there fellow assassins!”

The two guards quickly drew their daggers off of their belts holding them up menacingly. “Don't come any closer, intruders” one of them hissed in warning.

Lobster Claws held his claws up in surrender but saying, “No, no we're not intruders. We're new recruits.”

The two guards shared a look. “We didn't hear nothing 'bout new recruits,” the second guard said.

“Well you must have been misinformed,” the crustacean said with a shrug, before striking a dramatic pose. “Have you never heard of the great Lobster Paws, criminal extraordinaire, who nearly succeeded in killing Princess Butterfly?”

“Can't say that we have,” the first guard said, lowering his dagger slightly but still leveling a suspicious glare at the three. He gestured his head to the two Monsters behind the lobster. “And who are these two then?”

“Oh these are the rest of my evil, lawbreaking team, uhhh Bad Frog and Sneer Deer,” the crustacean stuttered out. Both Buff Frog and Beard Deer had to fight the urge to face-palm, knowing there was no way these guards would buy the obvious lie. And they were correct as the nervous Monster was bombarded with suspicious glares, the lobster beginning to sweat under the intense pressure.

Just as the two opened their mouth to say something though, one of them screamed out in pain, looking down to see the eyepatch wearing rat gnawing on his leg. “Hey get off, rodent!” he yelled in fury, kicking the creature off, who rolled a few times before scampering away. The three Monster just watched the whole thing dumbfounded, none sure what had gotten into their small friend. “Ugh, dumb rat,” the guard hissed, before looking back over to the three intruders. “Now as for you and your so called teammates, I don't know how you found this place but no one finds out our location and lives,” he said threateningly, as him and his partner reached for their belts to grab their knives. Lobster Claws and the others all took frightened steps back, terror filling their core as they realized that there mistake was about to cost them their lives.

But while one of the assassins drew his small blade, the other had nothing, patting down his pants as he frantically searched for his missing weapon. “What, where is it?!” he growled under his breath in frustration. “I just had it!”

“Did you... drop it?” Lobster Claws asked helpfully, but was instantly shot down by a shout from the two assassins. “Shut up!”

The Monster shrank a little under their death glare, him and the others all standing perfectly still not wanting to upset the guards anymore than they already had. They just had to hope that their small, furry friend knew what he was doing, cause right now they were solidly out of options.

The first guard was still looking for his knife when a small squeak from behind the, drew their attention to a nearby cliff where the rat stood dangling the knife tauntingly, treating it as if it were some sort of trophy and clearly trying to bait them into chasing after him. “Hey you give that back, you little vermin!” the guard shouted, falling for the trick easily as he abandoned his post to charge over to the rodent, who quickly put the knife between its teeth, turned and ran away. Both guards made chase after the rat, forgetting all about their job and the three intruders they had been prepared to dispose of, shouting choice words at the annoying, thieving rodent.

The three Monsters watched the two run off and out of sight, before Buff Frog urged them hastily, “Quickly friends, now is chance!” He almost pushed his two companions through the doors, which neither had a problem with, both just as eager to get away from the two blood-thirsty assassins, though they were now merely trading the ones outside for even more inside. But it was too late now, as they sealed the doors shut behind them, locking themselves inside with the multiverse's most dangerous criminals.

“Can't believe the little guy did that for us,” Beard Deer shaking his head in contemplation, his eyes gleaming with sincerity that wasn't normally there.

“Is very brave rat,” Buff Frog agreed.

“Do you think he'll be okay?” Lobster Claws asked worriedly, looking over at the closed door.

“He is fine,” Buff Frog reassured his friend, putting a claw on his shoulder. “Right now, must focus on plan.”

“Right well, what is the plan exactly?” Beard Deer asked. “Cause it kinda doesn't seem like we have one.”

“Is big organization, must keep files on members and clients somewhere,” Buff Frog whispered, while him and his companions snuck carefully down the hallway, keeping an open eye for any assassins lurking nearby. The rooms were dark and made of a hard granite, just a hollowed out version of the outside of the massive building. All sorts of deadly looking weapons lined the walls, giving the place an eery and unwelcoming look, as well as ancient and priceless looking artifacts that the assassins that worked there had no doubt helped to steal.

“Ahhh, so we just need to find it and steal it,” Lobster Claws said, fully grasping his leader's scheme.

“Does this mean we can ditch the dumb disguises?” Beard Deer asked, clearly annoyed and against the idea of having to wear his dumb and unconvincing costume for a long period of time.

“No, we need them to blend in if need to,” Buff Frog told him and the deer Monster sighed miserably.

“Blend in?” he questioned in irritation. “We stick out like sore thumbs.”

“Oh hey there,” came a sudden voice, deep and menacing, making them all jump and swerve to see a large gargoyle like creature smiling at them through thick jagged teeth and deadened black eyes. “You must be new.”

“Uh, yeah you could say that,” Lobster Claws said nervously.

“Well I love the outfits, especially the eyepatch, gives you a real sinister look,” he complimented, pointing at Beard Deer.

“Uh, thanks,” the Monster responded hesitantly.

“Well I'll see you around,” the gargoyle replied, before walking off further down the hallway, leaving Buff Frog and Beard Deer to gap openly. “I can't believe that actually worked,” Beard Deer managed out.

“See I told you my disguises would work,” Lobster Claws declared proudly, a bright grin lighting up his face.

“Which was why I'm so surprised that you were actually right for once,” Beard Deer said sarcastically, making the crustacean glare.

“Must start looking for room where files kept,” Buff Frog said, all seriousness ignoring his two subordinates argument. The two dropped their insult game and returned their attention to the task at hand, following after their boss as they walked down the darkened hallways, the frog stopping every so often to check in whatever door they came across.

“Sooo uh, how are we gonna find the right room?” Beard Deer asked. “This place is built like a maze, we could spend hours combing the place.”

“Not sure yet,” the frog Monster admitted, a frown on his face.

Lobster Claws hearing this, turned to the nearest person, some kind of purple secretary looking person and shouted, “Hey, can you tell me where the file room is?!” The other two Monsters froze up, turning to their idiot friend with an exasperated look, unable to believe he was really that stupid to-

“Down the hall, take a right, third door on your left,” she replied quickly and the crustacean quickly thanked her, before giving his two friends a smug look.

“Looks like I'm three for three today,” Lobster Claws said proudly.

“Yeah, yeah just don't let it go to your thick head,” Beard Deer grumbled, brushing past him aggressively as he stomped down the hall.

Buff Frog however, stopped to pat the crustacean on the shoulder telling him, “Good job, Lobster Claws. Am glad I brought you.”

The Monsters eyes shimmered with gratification from the welcomed praise, feeling his heart swelling to a new size as he turned and followed his boss with a near skip in his sidestep, overjoyed to have impressed his leader.

…

Once the three reached the door to the file room, Buff Frog did a quick peek inside, checking to make sure the coast was completely clear and the room empty before they entered. He turned to his two companions, saying softly, “We go in, find file, get out quickly as can,” Buff Frog said and the two nodded.

“Rig-” Beard Deer started to say, but the overzealous Lobster Claws shoved him aside to shout, “Understood boss!” The deer Monster scowled, shooting his friend a viscous look.

Buff Frog gave them a serious nod, before slowly pushing the door open and stepping inside, Lobster Claws and Beard Deer following right after, shoving their way through the doorway in their attempt to get in first, before collapsing to the floor in a small pile of limbs. Once they untangled themselves and stood, they finally got a good look at the file room, their mouths dropping open in shock. There were shelves upon shelves of files all reaching all the way to the ceiling, some overflowing from the massive amount of knowledge contained there while a few stacks were on the floor, assumablely waiting to be sorted. Three machine looking things with mechanical arms were writing out something on slips of paper. There didn't seem to be any organization at all to the place, the place looking like a neat freak's worst nightmare.  

“Oh man, there's got to be hundreds of thousands of documents in this place!” Lobster Claws exclaimed in exasperation. “How are we gonna find the right one?”

“Spread out and start searching,” Buff Frog commanded and him and his team split up to do just that. Lobster Claws began scanning the shelves over to the left, squinting his already beady eyes in search of the right file, Buff Frog climbed up a ladder on the opposite side to look for it up high, while Beard Deer was checking the piles on the floor. There was a short moment of silence as the Monsters just focused on their draining and monotonous task, focused on completing their mission, thoughts of protecting Marco holding their resolve true through the exhausting process.

After a couple more minutes though, Beard Deer's temper was ready to explode as he growled, “Ugh, this is taking forever!” He had to clench his claw tight to keep from punching something, probably the annoying pile of papers he was still sorting through.

“Any luck friends?” Buff Frog asked, looking down at them from his elevated position.

“Nope, not a thing!” Beard Deer roared, crossing his arms. “I'm starting to think none of these dopes have even been in here before.”

“And you,” the amphibian asked his remaining Monster.

Lobster Claws shook his head, not looking away from the shelves as his claw continued to drift back in forth in front of them in search. “No, nothing yet,” he replied, before immediately gasping. “Wait!”

“What, what is it?” Buff Frog asked while Beard Deer said at the same time, “Did you find the file?”

Lobster Claws looked over at the two with confusion, before shaking his head. “What, no. But guess what, it turns out they have a lobster Monster as a member already!” He held up the file in both claws for them to see. A clear picture of a Lobster with a scar inserted on the front. “See, he even kinda looks like me, maybe we're related!”

“Ooohhh, does it say that he's an idiot too,” Beard Deer asked sarcastically.

Lobster Claws paused and looked at the file for a second. “No, not that I know of,” the Monster replied.

“Stay focused you moron!” Beard Deer yelled at him, smacking the file out of his hands. “We don't have time for you to goof off! This is serious business!” As the Monster continued his rant he didn't notice that the file he had sent airborn had hit the side of a precariously stacked pile of papers causing them to tilt and learn toward the device still hard at work recording down something. Buff Frog looked over and noticed the file tower crumbling over and shouted in warning, “Quick, do something!” The two immediately swerved around and gasped, seeing the pile of papers smack the machine's side making it fall over as well.

Buff Frog hopped down off the ladder landing just in time to catch the device before it hit the floor, but still managing to get ink stains on the floor and his shirt. The two Monsters breathed a sigh of relief, while the amphibian gave them a stern look. “Please be more careful, friends,” he told them. “If they hear crash, might come to check.”

“Sorry, boss,” they both mumbled under their breath.

The amphibian sighed, as he set the machine back up the way it was. “Is fine. Now must return to work, before someone finds us.” The frog did just that and Lobster Claws went back to his task as well. Beard Deer did a quick check on the machine which seemed to still be functioning properly, the mechanical arm still scribbling away with no issue, even though the paper on it was ruined, now completely coated in black ink. “Where do you think a bunch of criminals got a high-tech gadget like this?” he asked, rubbing at the back of his neck in confusion.

“Probably stole it,” Buff Frog replied instantly.

“Yeah, probably,” Beard Deer agreed, still looking the thing over for a minute until something caught his eye. His eyebrows narrowed as he focused in on the sheet of paper laying next to the machine, before gasping, shouting out to his fellow Monsters, “Buff Frog, I think I found something!”

The amphibian turned before racing over to his friend's side, looking over the deer's shoulder as his eyes scanned the paper which seemed to be a blueprint of the room they were in. “What you found?” he asked, taking the sheet from him.

“I think it's some kind guideline for how things are organized in here,” he explained, pointing to the small words scrawled onto the sheet, indicting some sort of label for each area of the shelves. “I was thinking we could use it to narrow some things down a bit.”

Buff Frog nodded, rubbing a finger on his chin as he said thoughtfully, “Yes, could work.”

Beard Deer sent a superior grin to Lobster Claws who just rolled his eyes.

“This is very useful find!” the Monster leader exclaimed, quickly reading the directions in search of what he needed. “Says here that files on Assassins kept on far left shelf. Should start there.”

The two minions nodded, before beginning to look over the shelf that Lobster Claws had just been at. They frowned, an intense look on their faces as they quickly but effectively looked over shelf after shelf, almost seeming to be racing each other to find it first.

Finally after about five minutes, Lobster Claws exclaimed, “Ah, hah, I found it!” He waved the file high over his head in victory. Buff Frog grinned, while Beard Deer scowled, both racing over to meet the crustacean, looking at the file in his claw. “We sure is right one?” Buff Frog asked, looking at the picture of an intimidating, glaring lizard with a crystal eye and a sinister yellow staring back at him with death written all over his sharp features.

“It says 'Rasticore',” Lobster Claws responded.

“Is probably right one then,” Buff Frog said with a quick nod, reaching out his claw to take the file from his companion.

Just then, the door to the room slammed open, making Buff Frog and the others flinch and freeze wide-eyed. Two assassin's entered into the room, chatting with one another before spotting the three. Their gazes hardened, glaring suspiciously at the group of intruders. “Hey, what are you doing in here?! This area is off limits!”

“Oh, um sorry about that,” Lobster Claws said with a nervous grin, hiding the file behind his back and hopefully out of their view. “We were just, um-”

“We got turned around,” Buff Frog quickly lied. “We be leaving now.” He turned to his friends, flashing them a look to tell them they needed to move. The two didn't need to be told twice, practically running toward the door, but tried to keep themselves at a slow enough pace that the two assassins wouldn't get suspicious.

They brushed past the two unheeded, walking awkwardly down the hallway still feeling the judging eyes burning into their backs and none of them dared to turn around. “They're watching us,” Lobster Claws whispered, his worry making his voice shaky.

“What do we do?” Beard Deer asked, trying to decide if it would be worth it to try and knock the two out without being noticed.

“Just keep walking, friends, and keep eyes straight ahead,” Buff Frog said, his voice steady and the crustacean seemed to draw comfort from it. The lobster Monster nodded, relaxing his claw slightly. But what he didn't realize was that the file was still in his pincers and the moment he allowed the tight muscles to relax, the file slipped right out from his slippery claw and onto the floor. All three heard the flapping of papers as they hit the floor and turned to look at it wide-eyed, before looking back at the two assassins who's postures had hardened immensely, still seeming to be processing what they had just seen. The second they did, however, they growled and drew their weapons, shouting, “Stop thieves!”

“Run!” Buff Frog shouted as he and the his two companions raced down the hallway, the amphibian only pausing a minute to grab the file off the ground, barely avoiding being impaled by a spear.

“Hey, come back here!” one of the assassins shouted from behind them, while the other was loudly alerting the rest of the guild of the heist taking place right under their noses. “Intruders! There are intruders here! They got one of our files!”

The three Monsters were already panting as they raced down the hallway, Lobster Claws quickly shouting out to them, “Sorry, guys! I really messed up back there.” His voice was full of remorse and regret for his mess-up, clearly beating himself up over it.

“Not important now,” Buff Frog replied as pleasantly as possible with his attention mostly on escaping and not getting killed by the highly skilled group of criminals. “Now just focus on escape.”

The three reached a corner, skidding across the ground and nearly hitting the wall before changing position and running down the left hallway they had come through. Or thought they had come through.

“Wait, which way were we supposed to go?” Beard Deer asked, the directions getting jumbled up in his panic filled mind.

“Left,” Lobster Claws replied.

“But we went right when we got here,” Beard Deer explained.

“Right, which means we go left now.”

“Wait we go left?”

“Right.”

“But you just said left!”

“Enough!” Buff Frog shouted, finally losing his patience with the two. “Now is not time for fighting! Must stay focused on-”

The amphibian gasped, seeing a sword swinging right at him and he left the sentence unfinished as he instinctively jumped over the assassin, who had been hiding in wait to strike, avoiding the deadly blade that had come far too close for comfort in cutting off his head. He landed behind the assassin, only to be toppled by two very large, very angry looking demons. The breath was knocked out of his lungs as he hit the ground hard, the file slipping from his claw and sliding across the smooth tile.

The two now loomed over him, looking dangerous and deadly with red sinister eyes staring back at him. The frog swallowed his fear, as he tried to jump up and punch them, but was stopped as one of them pinned him to the ground under the weight of his foot. Buff Frog grunted as he fought to free his chest from the agonizing weight on it, using every ounce of his naturally-given strength to throw the creature off of him, but it was to no avail, the demon only pressing down harder with his iron-toed boot. “You should have known better than to cross the Assassin's Guild. Now you die,” the creature hissed.

“No, you do!” Beard Deer yelled from out of nowhere, punching the assassin in the face and sending him stumbling back and off of his boss, who gasped for air as his lungs were finally able to work freely once more.

“You really shouldn't have done that,” the assassin growled in a threatening tone, he and his partner's eyes now glowing an even darker and more dangerous shade of red.

“Hey, morons!” came Lobster Claws shout and the two turned only to get hit with a the spiked end of the chained mace the crustacean held in his claws, throwing them both into the opposite wall and knocking them unconscious in a millisecond. “Yes it worked!” the Monster cheered with shimmering eyes, looking down at the dangerous weapon he now had at his disposal.

“Where'd you find that?” Buff Frog asked as his second-in-command helped him to his feet.

The lobster gestured a claw behind him, his eyes never leaving the mace. “It was hanging up on one of the walls.” He finally looked up and met his leader's gaze. “Can I keep it?” he asked in an almost begging tone.

“No!” Beard Deer shouted, while Buff Frog said more hesitantly, “Uhhh, no probably not good idea.”

“Awwww,” Lobster Claws whined in disappointment.

“There they are!” came a shout from down the corridor and the three Monsters turned with terrified looks.

“We gotta move!” Beard Deer shouted, already taking wide steps back.

“Not without file!” Buff Frog yelled, spotting the folder and making a dive for it. One of the assassins saw this and threw a lance in the Monsters direction. Buff Frog, just as his claw landed on the folder, saw the projectile incoming and closed his eyes, waiting for pain to overtake him. There was a loud clang as metal met target and Lobster Claws and Beard Deer shouted at the top of their lungs, “Buff Frog!”

The Monster blinked open his eyes, surprised to find no pain at all anywhere in his body. He was even more shocked to find that he hadn't been the one impaled, rather the file was, the sharp tip buried deep into its center, pinning it in place on the floor. Buff Frog felt an overpowering frustration as cold hard reality began to set in over his defeat. But blind determination followed as he began trying to pull the lance out of the ground, grunting as he fought the losing battle, all sense of danger and  reason exited his mind as he refused to give in and accept defeat just yet. He was so close. So close. Just a little bit more and he would have it free. Tears began to well in his eyes as he fought back harder, the sound of noisy footsteps as the assassins rushed closer were nothing more than a dull pounding in his ears. He would have the key to saving his son. He wouldn't, couldn't allow him to get hurt again. Not under his watch. He had promised. He had promised.

“Buff Frog!” The frog Monster flinched at hearing his name, finally snapping him out of his trance. He felt Lobster Claws gripping his shoulder tightly, not enough to hurt him but enough to get his attention and he turned to see his very worried friend hovering over him, yanking on his boss's stubborn arm in order to get him to stand and follow. “We gotta go!” Beard Deer was busy fighting off a few of the assassins in the background, trying to clear a path for them to escape through.

The amphibian tightened his hold on the lance, debating on staying anyways despite the danger but thought better of it, finally releasing his iron grip. Lobster Claws breathed a sigh of relief that he got his boss to listen, but looked around fearfully to see assassin's closing in from every direction. If they stayed any longer they would be surrounded and trapped. The crustacean tried to make a run for it still keeping hold of his boss' arm, who quickly grabbed something within the folder not wanting to leave empty handed, hearing a noticable rip as he did so but he didn't have time to question it. Lobster Claws dragged Buff Frog behind him as the two made their escape, Beard Deer kicking away his fallen opponent before following after his friends.

The frog slipped the small slip of paper into his belt before focusing his attention on up ahead, where three assassins blocked their path, one of them the gargoyle from earlier. “You won't get awa- Ow!” the gargoyle groaned in pain as he was slammed into by the frog Monster's thick, muscular arm, knocking him down onto his back. The two other assassins were not much better as they were quickly and easily overpowered by Beard Deer and Lobster Claws, the latter letting out a shrill battle cry as he knocked his opponent into the wall with a clawed fist, the deer Monster doing the same with his opponent.

With the path now clear once more, the three continued on with their escape, running through the hallways and toward the same secretary's office from before, only now she stood outside her door with what looked to be a magical bazooka aimed right at them.

“Oh no!” Lobster Claws cried out, spotting her ahead. The purple woman looked through the small scope, pausing only a second to line up the shot perfectly before she fired, sending an array of sparkles and explosions racing toward them at a breakneck speed. Beard Deer and Lobster Claws screamed in alarm but Buff Frog just grabbed hold of his friends, pulling them in close before jumping straight up.

The blast sailed right past the three intruders and directly in the middle of the group of assassin's that had been chasing after them. There was a loud explosion as a rainbow-colored burst of energy ignited, sending screaming assassins flying every which way as they were thrown about by the powerful burst of magic, easily incapacitating them all. The secretary could only stare in shock and guilt at what she had unintentionally done to her own group, muttering under her breath, “Oops.”

Just then Buff Frog landed right in front of her, knocking the bazooka out of her arms as he pinned it down to the ground under his weight. As he released his two friends, he gave the woman a very angry scowl, saying bitterly, “I don't appreciate nearly being blown up.”  

The secretary said nothing, quickly backing away from him in fear, pushing herself against the wall in an attempt to get as far away from his as possible. The frog Monster followed her movement, making sure she was no longer a threat to them before saying to his friends, “Need to get out before assassin's recover.”

“Right,” Lobster Claws and Beard Deer nodded in determination. “But uh, which way is out?” the crustacean added, looking lost. Even he had gotten mixed up in all the commotion, since  every stupid hallway in the place looked alike.

Buff Frog turned back to the still pale secretary and asked as non-threateningly as possible, “Wouldn't know how get us out of here?”

The secretary raised a shaky finger up in the direction they needed to go and the three Monster wasted no time to take off in that direction, Lobster Claws yelling out a, “Thank you!” as he went. The woman watched the intruders go, the sound of loud groaning as the others seemed to be recovering from the painful experience echoed through the halls and she mumbled knowingly under her breath, “I'm so fired.”

…

Bearicorn and his small rat friend were still waiting impatiently for their friends to return, watching the entrance to the structure in boredom. The rat after escaping from the idiot guards and leaving them stumbling around in search for him had returned to the Monster's hiding spot. He currently was laying across the bear Monster's shoulder, his one good eye glazed over with laziness, while the bear sat with his elbow propped against his crossed legs, resting his head against his paws.

The rat let out a high-pitched yawn, before squeaking something at the Monster, who didn't have to speak his language to understand the question, it was the same one he had already asked five times now. He sighed, saying in annoyance, “For the last time, I don't know what's taking them so long.”

The rat squeaked again, just like he had the last four times they had had this conversation. The Monster buried his head in his paws, massaging his aching temple. “Yeah I know they should be back by now,” he snapped. “But if your so worried maybe you should go check on them.”

There was a small disagreeing squeak from the tiny rodent and the bear sat up, crossing his arms in front of his chest in an almost pouting manner. “Well then, stop asking. It's annoying.”

As the bear looked back over to the entrance though, he couldn't help but frown, the tight worry in his chest growing as he saw no signs of his friends once again. The real reason he was getting so upset with the rat wasn't because he was annoyed with him, it was because he was concerned about his friends. They should have already returned and the fact that they hadn't had put Bearicorn on edge. His mind had already played through far more worse-case scenarios than he cared to count. Fears of what if they had been caught, captured and imprisoned or worse ran through his head over and over again, agitating him more and more. He had already toyed more than once with the idea of running in after them and now it was all he could do to keep himself still sitting. And as the minutes stretched on, his worry increased.

Where are you guys? He mentally questioned. A second later, he heard the tell-tale sounds of an explosion within the building and was on his feet in a flash. Bearicorn and the rat were both alert once more, sharing a look of concern as they feared the worst for their friends but had no clue what they should do. Bearicorn just held his breath as his laser focus trained on the doors to the hidden facility.

After what felt like an eternity, the doors slammed open and three Monster came stumbling out, panting heavily as they seemed to still be getting their bearings back. It took every ounce of the bear Monster's willpower not to scream their names, relief flooding through every inch of his body, but he settled for a deep sigh, which he shared with the small rodent still perched on his shoulder.

Taking only a few seconds to recover, the three ran toward the treeline, disappearing into its depths just as a couple of assassins emerged from within the run-down building, looking for the three escapees. Buff Frog practically collided with Bearicorn as him and his team reached where his final member had been hiding out. He looked relieved to see him, as well as the still opened portal glowing behind the bear. But the Monster couldn't hold in his questions any longer, rapidly asking, “How did it go? Did you find Rasticore? Is Marco safe?”

Buff Frog, who still struggling to get his proper airflow back, shook his head and replied, “Explain later. Right now, still being chased. Must get away first.”

“R-Right, of course,” Bearicorn said, mentally slapping himself for the screw up, turning to the portal with his friends on his heels and entering through the glowing tear, along with his three fellow Monsters. The bear Monster blinked in the now setting sunlight attacking his unready pupils. After the darkness of the forest, this was an unexpected change that his sensitive eyeballs hadn't been ready for.

They were now in a clearing, next to one of the holes that led into the tunnels that the rats called home and the small rodent looked relieved to be back, a small smile on his fuzzy face. Once Bearicorn had closed the portal behind them all and returned the scissors back to their rightful owner, being his boss, the four all just took a moment to relax and let the tension of the last several minutes where off. The bear Monster refrained from asking again how things had gone, not wanting to push his boss, even though curiosity was beginning to eat away at him. The others, however, were left confused on why they were so exhausted, knowing they shouldn't be this tired after what could barely count as a fight. They used to deal with a lot worse back when Toffee was there boss.

“Wow,” Lobster Claws observed. “We've really gotten out of shape.” None of them replied, knowing it was true. Since the war ended, they had all grown use to the relaxed lifestyle. It was great that they no longer had to go out and slaughter Mewmans for Toffee's benefit, but it seemed there was one drawback to that, the Monsters were quickly getting out of shape without the constant fighting all the time.

But none of them dwelled too long on this, Bearicorn once again trying to ask, “So, uh, how'd it go?”

Buff Frog let out a deep sigh which spoke volumes to Bearicorn. “Did not get information we wanted,” the amphibian said sadly.

“Oh,” Bearicorn said, unable to hide the disappointment in his own voice. All that work for nothing.

“Well, uh, it wasn't a total bust,” Lobster Claws supplied sheepishly, clearly hoping to cheer up his leader. “We know for a fact that Rasticore is a member of the Assassin's Guild.”

“Yeah, but we don't know who he's working for or anything about him other than that,” Beard Deer argued, frustrated at their failure, mostly at himself for not doing more back there.

“Yeah, I know but-” Lobster Claws said softly, before his voice drifted off altogether. He didn't really have a good argument for that.

Buff Frog, who had been listening carefully to his three very disappointed and disheartened friends, knew what he had to do as leader of the Monsters. He turned around to face them, putting on the brightest smile he could and even though it was halfhearted, it seemed to gain the other Monsters attention. “You all did excellently.”

“Huh?” Lobster Claws asked, raising an eyebrow in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“Uh, yeah did you miss the part where we failed,” Beard Deer added, looking at his leader as if he had three heads.

“Maybe didn't get what we wanted, but made it out alive and that all that matters,” Buff Frog stated, keeping his tone light and soothing. The three Monsters plus rodent, didn't know what to say to that all staring at the Monster leader skeptically. “Besides, you all prove how useful you are,” the frog added, now with a genuine smile, trying to silent remind them of all the help they had provided and the three's faces softened. “Especially when working together.” His gaze hovered on Lobster Claws and Beard Deer, who shifted uncomfortably on their feet, not looking at each other.

He took a step toward them, putting a hand on either of his Monsters' shoulders and said sternly, but kindly, “I know you two think you must compete for my praise, but this just not true. You part of same team and when put differences aside you much stronger together as equals.”

His words seemed to reach the two as their eyes finally met and they actually smiled at one another, a real genuine smile, for the first time in well... ever. The frog lowered his arms off of their shoulders, allowing them to speak freely with each other, as the deer Monster stated awkwardly, “Gotta admit, you had some good ideas back there... for a moron.” Even his usual insult, lacked any of them it usually had and Lobster Claws smiled back at him.

“Well you were pretty awesome back there, too,” the crustacean replied.

There was a few seconds of silence before Beard Deer did the unthinkable, he offered his claw to shake. The lobsters eyes grew starry-eyed as he took the claw into his own, shaking it willingly and looking on the verge of crying. The deer Monster noticed this and the irritated look returned, as he said with narrowed eyes, “Don't cry.”

“I'm not crying,” Lobster Claws, stated rubbing at his eyes with his free hand. “I just got something in my eye.”

Beard Deer just sighed in annoyance. That didn't last long.

Buff Frog then turned back to Bearicorn, who set the small rat back onto the ground so he could scamper down into the hole. But the frog stopped him, saying, “Wait, just moment.”

The rodent turned to him with surprise in his one good eye. The frog bent down so he was almost level with the creature saying, “Thank you very much for assistance, little friend. We all owe you greatly.”

The rat smiled a toothy grin at him, squeaking out his unintelligible reply, but from the lightness of his tone Buff Frog could tell that it was a kind, almost humbled response. The frog offered the small rodent his claw, holding out a single finger for him to shake and the rat obliged. “Hope to do business with you again in future.” The rat nodded and squeaked his agreement before turning and racing into the tunnels he called home.

Once he was gone, Buff Frog let the smile drop, the true despair he felt at the failure showing full-force as he let out a deep, depressing sigh. He sat down on the soft grass, letting his thoughts consume him. Marco and Star were still in danger and now they had nothing to show for it, all their work squandered, they were virtually no closer to finding Rasticore than they had been at the beginning of the day, the assassin far more elusive than Buff Frog had expected.

“So what do we do now, boss?” Bearicorn asked, voicing the frog's depressed thoughts out loud.

He opened his mouth to respond but then the Monster leader remembered that he did have one thing to show for his work, sucking in a breath and reaching into his belt for the small shred of evidence he had managed to grab from the file, looking it over carefully. It was a picture, ripped in half it seemed from the Monsters haste and Buff Frog felt a twinge of regret in his stomach, still though Rasticore was nowhere to be found on the picture, one figure was clearly able to made out, a Mewman it seemed judging by the cheek marks, and whoever this was had to have some connection to the lizard. This person, whoever it was their only clue to finding Rasticore.

“Buff Frog?” Bearicorn said, trying to gain his attention, after receiving only silence from his last question.

“We make new plan,” came Buff Frog's firm and determined reply, his mind already spinning to sort out a new course of action from this new development.

“Who's that?” Lobster Claws asked, looking over his boss's shoulder with a raised eyebrow.

“Don't know,” the frog replied  seriously with a new fire in his eyes. “But going to find out.”

His eyes never left the image of a small red haired, pale skinned (almost sickly looking) Mewman girl with purple cat faces on her cheeks.

[dubersbutt]

Let Me Put Something In Your Life pt. 1 - Tyler Seguin

A/N: So I noticed there is a disturbing lack of Sugar Daddy Seguin fics which absolutely cannot happen so I decided to fix it. Also this is my first time writing smut so try not to cringe to hard. There will be a second part.

Warnings: Smut

Rubbing away the sweat on your forehead you sighed before you picked up the tray full of drinks. This was your third 12 hour shift in a row. Between your job and studying, you were exhausted. The only reason you made the effort to make yourself presentable was because you needed the tips.

After grabbing the tray you hike it up to your shoulder and put on your customer face before walking out to the group of (douchebags) men sitting at the table. You set down their drinks before starting your automated speech.

“Hi everybody, your last server’s shift just ended so I’ll be taking care of you from now. May I take your order?”

One of the men, blonde with a slurred accent from drinking too much, decided to say another of many douchey things of your shift, “I would loooove to take care of you.”

“Hey, Klinger, knock it off,” the one next to him shouts, hitting him in the back, “sorry about him. We’re just celebrating a big win and someone had got a little too excited.” He looks at you and flashes you a dazzling smile. The tattoos on his arm accentuate  his muscles and you can’t help but smile back.

“That’s alright. So what win are y’all celebrating?”

You hear a few chuckles from around the table before the tattooed one with the charming smile answers you, “we’re hockey players for the Dallas Stars, the NHL team”

“Oh, I think I’ve seen y’all play during a few of my shifts, can’t say I’m much of a hockey fan though.”

“Maybe I could change your mind about that,” he replies with a sly smile.

“Maybe you can.”

You take their orders and head off to the back to ring it in to the kitchen. You manage to make it through the last two hours of your shift, the table of hockey players ended up closing the bar which would have annoyed you if the handsome one from earlier hadn’t left you a more than generous tip. You had tried to get him to take some back but he had refused and well, you weren’t going to argue too much. You did have rent and tuition to pay.

~~~

Two days later, you’re back at work when a familiar face walks into the bar.

“Hey there, handsome, how you been?” you greet him.

“I’ve been good, missing your pretty face though,” he gives you the same charming smile that got you last time.

“Aw you’re too kind. What can I get you?”  

“Whiskey on the rocks.”

When you return you place his drink in front of him.

“So, where is rest of your crew?” you ask

“Decided not to bring them. I wanted you all to myself.”

“And who said I wanted to be yours. That brown eyed fellow next you was pretty cute too.”

He laughed, “who, Jamie? I can assure you that I am much better company than Jamie.”

“I’m not too sure I believe you.”

“Then let me prove it to.”

“I don’t even know your name, sir.”

“Tyler. And yours?”

“(Y/N).”

Once he finishes drink he leaves you with another excessive tip.

~~~

Normally on your day-off you would choose to stay home, and watch Netflix before you studied the rest of the day. However, today you were going out with Tyler Seguin. A google search had told you that he was a pretty successful player despite that weird trade from Boston. You had also stumbled upon a certain picture with a rubber duck that had made your face warm as you stared at it, admiring his lean, muscled body.

Anyways, Tyler told you earlier that you guys were going to some fancy restaurant that you couldn’t remember the name. You just knew that it was nice and you had to fish out the nicest thing you owned to make sure you looked the part.

Walking out of your apartment building you see a Tyler Seguin standing next to a very nice, expensive looking G-wagon in a very nice, expensive suit.

“Hello there handsome. This is a nice ride you’ve got here,” you say pointing to the car.

“Well, if tonight goes well then this isn’t the only nice ride you’ll have tonight,” you turn back and see that stupid smile on his face.

“That was one of the douchiest things I’ve ever heard before, and I should know, I’m a bartender. But damn you’re lucky I’m into it.”

~~~

A few glasses of wine later, wine that costs more than your rent no less, you and Tyler are laughing about some story he told about practice.

“And then Jamie just fell directly on his ass in front of everyone,” he said as he laughed and you giggled with him.

He reached over and grabbed your hand  from across the table, “Enough about me though. Tell me about you.”

“Not much to tell. Struggling college student, trying to make ends meet with a shitty waitressing job. Studying. My life’s pretty boring. Although the other day this really good looking man came through the doors.”

“What did you think of this man?” he asks while rubbing his thumb over your knuckles and leaning in closer to you.

“I thought he was handsome. He had some nice tattoos,” you reply as you lean into his touch.

He makes a soft mhm noise as he places his lips on yours . You kiss him back with a bit more force before pulling away, “Although, it’s a shame I never got his number. I believe his name was Jamie.”

He pulls back away from you completely and your worried you’ve said the wrong thing but then he starts to laugh.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he shakes his head.

~~~

The two of you stumble through the doors of Tyler’s house and he pushes you up against it as soon as it closes. He moves his mouth down your neck, scratching your neck with his beard. You can’t help but let out a little gasp.

He grabs your thighs and you wrap your legs around his waist, he leans you against the door. His hand slides up your leg and under your dress before he starts to kiss you again.

“Bedroom?” he murmured against your lips and you’re only able to nod head.

Instead of putting you on the ground like you expect he lifts you up and carries you up the stairs. He drops you on the bed and loosens his tie.  You sit up and reach for the zipper on your back but his hand moves yours away.

“Let me. I’ve been wanting to see this dress on the floor since you walked downstairs,” he practically growls as he almost rips the zipper on your dress.

“Careful, this is expensive,” you gasp as you hear the fabric rip.

“I’ll buy you all the dresses you want.”

With your dress on the floor you can’t help but feel exposed. So you manage to pull yourself away from Tyler for  a few seconds.

“Shirts, pants, off. Now,” is all you manage to say.

You sit up on your elbow to watch as he unbuttons and throws his shirt to the floor and his pants soon follow. You grab him and pull him back on top of you. He starts trailing his lips down your body and reaches around to unclasp your bra.He kisses your breast and sucks your nipple into his mouth for just a minute before repeating it with the other one.

“You like that?,” he asks.

“I could think of a better place for that pretty little mouth,” you say a little breathless.

“Mmm, a woman who knows what she wants.”

Always a man of the people, Tyler takes you concerns to heart and moves himself in between your thighs. He hooks your panties in his fingers and slide them down your legs slowly.

“Hurry up with it Tyler,” you pant with anticipation.

He looks up from between your legs and, man could you get used to that view.

“I was planning on it, but someone could learn some manners.”

He stays there using his beard to scratch your thighs and make you whimper for what feels like ages. All of a sudden you feel his hot breath on your sex and he presses a kiss to your clit. He licks a stripe up your pussy and you let out a loud moan and reach down to grab his hair. He seems not to mind as he speeds up his ministrations.

“Tyler!” you gasp loudly.

“Tell me what you want,” his voice a few pitches deeper than normal.

“You know what I want.”

“No I don’t.”

“Eat me.”

“Well I will if you ask nicely.”

“Please eat me out and make me cum.”

Tyler lets out a low groan before diving in with much more enthusiasm before and soon all the tension in your body explodes and you see stars. Coming down from your high isn’t easy with Tyler still lapping at your pussy. You have to physically remove to his head from you. The shine on his face is sinful and you can’t help but feel a little embarrassed. He moves back up to your face and kisses you.

“Was that what you wanted?” he asks with that damn smile again

“God, Tyler shut up and fuck me.”

“As you wish.”

He rolls on a condom from the nightstand next to you.  He lines himself up and pushes inside you, and you let out a loud moan. He stays still for a moment t o let you adjust so you take the time to tell him that you want to be on top.

“Bossy, I like it.”

He flips the two you over and he leans against the pillows. He folds his arms behinds his head and sighs.

“Do what you want,” and you roll your eyes. You’re not even that surprised that he’s a pillow princess.

You slowly start to raise yourself up and then lower yourself back down. You’re just starting to gain a bit of momentum when Tyler tells you to go to slow down.

“Don’t forget I’m still in charge.”

You listen to his instructions, slowing down your tempo, letting out groans and listening to the sounds Tyler makes. His voice gets husky and he lets out low moans every time he’s fully inside you. You sneak one hand down your body and start to rub yourself.

“Fuck are you touching yourself?”

You can only nod in reply, too caught up in the current ecstasy.

“God that’s so hot.”

You speed up the pace, this time with no repercussions from Tyler, until you breathing starts to speed up and you get close to your orgasm.

“Fuck, (Y/N), I’m close.”

“Oh my god. TYLER!” you scream as you cum for the second time that night, Tyler follows soon after.

You get off from on top of him and lie down beside him panting.

“That was-,” you can’t even find the words.

“Good?”

“More than good. So much better than good.”

Before you know it you’ve fallen asleep and Tyler has covered you with blankets.

~~~

You’re awoken by something wet on your face. You manage to peel your eyes open enough to see the face of a golden lab staring back at you.

“Hi buddy,” you coo as you scratch behind his ears. You can feel his tail wagging near your leg in happiness.

“I see you’ve met Gerry. Sorry I couldn’t stop him from being on the bed, you’re kinda on his side,” Tyler says from across the room. His hair is wet from  shower and he’s only wearing sweatpants, low on his hips. It takes all your willpower not to jump his bones right there and then.

“That’s alright. There are worse ways to wake up.”

“Yeah and there are better ways too. If he hadn’t shown up then trust me, you’d be having a much better time right now,” he says before disappearing back into the bathroom.

Your face starts getting warm at the his words so you look away and focus on the dog for a bit. You start to get out of bed and look for your clothes.

“Leaving so soon?”

When you turn to look back at Tyler he’s still shirtless but his hair is a bit neater like he spent some time tousling it with his fingers.

“Yeah, I need to study before my shift. It’s hard to focus when I’m running back and forth between tables.”

“So quit your job.”

You start to laugh but then stop when you realize that he’s being serious.

“Not all of us can be star athletes. I still need to pay for college, and rent, and groceries.”

“No. Let me pay for it.”

“What? We just met. I can’t let you do that.”

“I want to. You work hard and I think your life should be a little easier. If my sisters are any example, college is hard enough when you’re living from home.”

If you’re being completely honest, it doesn’t sound bad. Getting to quit and just focus on school. Plus you’d get to hang around Tyler  lmore which did not sound bad at all.

“I can’t let you do that.”

“You can, you just don’t want to. But I really wouldn’t mind it at all.”

You contemplate your answer some more before you decide to just fuck it all and say yes. Besides , your 20s are meant to for you to screw up.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” his eyebrows raise in surprise.

“Okay,” you repeat, “I’ll finish my shift today then I’ll quit.”

Tyler pins you to the bed with his body and kisses you in excitement.

“Gerry, leave.” he says and the dog listens so the two of you can celebrate in private.

[thelastarchangelaskblog]

DJ & Tony

Conversation following the one DJ had with Zira. :) He’s talking to Tony here!

Tony & Zira’s Chat

Tony & Rhodey’s Chat

Tony & Rhodey Compile a List

The Trouble with Two Tonys

Rhodey & Zira (and Tony)

DJ & Zira

**

(Read more.)

DJ has been particularly quiet, which isn't abnormal but it's certainly not like this. Tony settles down next to him.

Tony: All good, buddy?

DJ crosses his looks down, chewing on his lip, but there is still a stubborn just to his chin.

DJ: No. But I'm not sure I want to talk about it right now. Plus I'm annoyed at you.

Tony: Hm, okay. Fair enough. You don't have to talk about that. But what'd I do to annoy you? I can't remember doing anything outrageous off the top of my head...

Now there is a full fledged scowl from DJ.

DJ: You told Zira my name was Dummy Junior. And she believed you.

Tony winces.

Tony: Ahh, yeah. ...Um. It was just the best way of lightening up a heavy topic?

DJ’s scowling intensifies.

Tony: (mutters) Yeah, that's a terrible excuse.

DJ: It wouldn't be so bad if it was like Rhodey. Like that at least is a cool pretend name.

Tony: It's not a pretend name. It's his name. And I've called you a dummy before; you never seemed to mind

DJ gives Tony a deeply unimpressed look.

DJ: His name is James and you know it. I was there when he introduced himself. (DJ looks down at the book he's got out.) And it's different when it is just the three of us. These guys don't know me well.

Tony: James is an absolutely terrible name that doesn't suit him at all. He's Rhodey.

Tony: ...

Tony: You didn't seem to mind much either when Rhodey first joined us.

DJ: Well, he'd already seen us at our not best, so it didn't seem like he could think much worse of us. (He starts doodling in the margins.) Zira and Luna, I might not have contributed much to catching the birds, and I kinda thought of blowing something up, but only a little, but overall they saw me as a peer, not like a little kid. (He pauses.) Even if Zira is, like, enormous.

Tony: If you hadn't thought of blowing something up I would have been concerned. There's something more behind this, isn't there? I called you Dummy basically from the start and you just started throwing names back at me.

DJ: I'm not dumb though. (He pauses, and takes a deep breath.) I know I do dumb things, but I'm not stupid, and I'm not a child. Even if I'm not as old as the rest of you. I just don't want anyone to think I'm some dumb kid who doesn't know any better. Especially after I made that mistake the other night. (He looks miserably embarrassed after mentioning the possum incident.)

Tony: Yes, that possum did nothing to deserve that bomb to the face.

Tony sighs.

Tony: Sorry, my mouth got ahead of me again. You are definitely not dumb. No one else could put together the kind of bombs you do and be dumb. They'd have blown themselves up by now.

DJ (snaps back, a little of his usual sass showing): The possum shouldn't have been behaving so weirdly.

DJ: ...See, but they don't know all that. All they see is someone fresh out of college who has a tendency towards explosions and spends too much time reading books. They don't know how much work goes into those explosions. They just think it was the result of being careless.

Tony: The possum was being a possum; it's a possum.

Tony stops, shakes his head.

Tony: That's on them, isn't it? Not you. You should know damn well that you're brilliant. Even if...(sigh) you can be a little bit...of a dummy?

DJ: I don't want it to be on them. I want to prove myself. They were so freaked out when they heard about the library. The didn't understand that it was an accident. That it was something that happens when you are doing science. They just kept talking like I was some little kid who should have had his hand smacked for playing with things that he didn't understand. And that made me think...is that how everyone sees me?

Tony: ...

Tony is clearly thinking.

Tony: I get that. Though they were probably more concerned about the blowing up a library piece than the explosives.

DJ: Tony...

Tony: At least...that's what Zira told me. No, yeah, it was definitely the library thing. Not the bombs. Look, squirt, you're you. And I don't want you to change that.

DJ looks a bit guilty at the mention of Zira, but looks attentive to what Tony is saying.

Tony: If people see you a certain way, change that. And sometimes you can't change that, but you can damn well make them regret it.

DJ: I don’t want to change. I just want people to see more of me than making things explode. I might not be good with people, but I'm great with books and with science and with alchemy. I've done just as much as you and Rhodey have to help people while we've been travelling. And I guess, I just want a chance to prove myself to people without having to fight preconceived notions.

Tony: I'm afraid that's always going to be there. They're always going to look at you and get a certain picture of who you are because of how you look. And then there are expectations with that which don't go away. Does it matter that much what strangers think?

DJ: But these guys aren't strangers. (DJ's doodles are now in danger of straying from the margins into the text.) I want them to be friends. Even if I'm not really good at the friendship thing.

Tony: You think I'm any better? We've known them barely a week; they're still kind of strangers.

DJ: Tony, you can talk to anybody!

Tony: Talk to? It's more like talk at them and then I might annoy them. Have you never noticed I end up annoying more than my fair share of people?

DJ: (shrugs) At least they don't default to treating you like a kid, just because you're three feet tall. (DJ gives a dramatic sigh.) Why do halflings have to be so crappy at growing facial hair? At least if I had a beard, the default wouldn't be to assume I was little…

Tony: The default would be to assume you're a very scrawny dwarf and I'm not sure any of us would be prepared for that. I'm sure there are tonics for that sort of thing?

DJ scowls again.

Tony: I mean...facial hair isn't all that awesome. You don't need facial hair to be great. The friendship thing… You seemed to be doing pretty well at it when I first saw you with them.

DJ: No, but maybe if I had a beard people would stop calling me your son and freaking us both out. And that's why I didn't like the Dummy thing. For once people were seeing all of the science stuff and not just the explosions. Heck I didn't even get to use any explosions. Just my brain. (He sighs.) Not that it matters since I managed to screw it up all on my own anyway.

Tony: I still don't get the son thing seeing as how our hair colors are totally different. You'd think they'd have some idea of how this stuff works. But...um...I actually don't mind all that much. Look, if I'd known you had issues with the name, I wouldn't have told her that. But I thought it was a good joke; you know I call you that affectionately.

DJ: What - were they gonna think Rhodey was my Dad. (He rolls his eyes.) I don't mind. I just feel a little guilty because my mum and dad did so much to get me into school and I haven't even managed to write them regularly. (He squirms.) I know it's affectionate. But, I guess it just stung a little hearing it from someone I don't know so well. Especially since Zira seemed to take it so seriously.

Tony: Actually, I totally see the resemblance between you two. It's in the eyes. Mm...writing letters isn't the easiest when we're on the road. Makes it a little difficult to find a postal service... 

Tony: Well, so long as you do know. Because I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or like I mean it seriously. I would have let Zira in on the joke at some point.

DJ giggles a little at the comment about the eyes, even if it does not do much for his quest to be super serious, but at least the scowl is gone.

DJ: Yeah. I know it isn't easy. That doesn't make me feel any less guilty.

DJ: I don't know if joking with Zira is nice. Like, not because we mean it to be mean. But because she doesn't seem to realize they are jokes. (He rubs the back of his neck.) Or maybe that was just me being bad at people again.

Tony: No...no, you're right.

Tony (makes face): It's getting a little more obvious now. I shouldn't have done it that night, but I just...needed something to break the mood.

Tony (nudges DJ): You're not that bad at people, buddy. And if you feel that guilty, I can remind you to post a letter at Briarbane.

DJ: I might be. I think I scared Zira when I was trying to be reassuring. (He frowns.)

Tony: Oh?

DJ: But we were bonding over science, and she was worried about me getting in trouble and getting hurt, and so I was trying to say I could take care of myself. But instead I think I was being all weird, and now she might think I want to dissolve her in lye. But I was totally trying to say that I was going to dissolve anyone who came after me in lye instead. And anyway they probably wouldn't dissolve, they'd just turn to soap.

Tony: ...that...is not as reassuring as you think it is, buddy.

DJ: I realize that now, Tony.

Tony: So long as you do. Do I have to give you the small talk lecture, too? Or push you to Rhodey to do it?

DJ: Huh?

Tony: You know, small talk. How to make conversation with people that doesn't make them think you're weird? ...What exactly did you say to her, anyway?

DJ: We were talking about Science. And she is always talking about death and how to kill people and I mean it's kinda weird, but I knew about two thirds of what she was talking about in the library already so I didn't mind. And I said something, and she got kinda scared, said I would get in Trouble, and I told her that making bombs wasn't all I learned about Chemistry. That I learned how to do things which could stop bad guys. (He pauses.) Of course this was after she was talking about how the place she was before used an awful potion which makes blood boil on people and then told the kids there about it.

Tony has a funny expression on his face.

Tony: I get...the impression that she has some...triggers? She wasn't raised like how you were. I don't want to tell you everything she shared, but she's been relatively open about it with the others. It wasn't...let's just say it wasn't good and leave it at that. But it's left her with a skewed perception of what normal behaviors are and what normal consequences are.

DJ: I kinda figured something was up with the constant narrative about terrible ways to die, and how she was super perplexed when Luna or I said it was not really a thing to talk about. (He pauses and puts the pen down.) I kind of think it is probably worse than I might imagine. She got real spooked when I said something negative about that place. When I said they were wrong. That was why I was trying to reassure her. I just did a real bad job of it.

Tony: I've heard some of it and I don't want to hear more but it's probably going to end up coming up in some shape or form. If it happens with you...just listen. And try and...tell her what's not right about it? And if you don't feel comfortable about that just get my attention. Or Rhodey's. And I don't think you did that bad a job of it, DJ. I just think she's working through some things and sometimes that stuff is difficult to process.

DJ: I wasn't scared. I just felt bad for her. Because, well when we learned about that potion, well our professor was appalled that we had even heard of it. He didn't go into any detail about it, just listed the ingredients and made us puzzle it out with organic chemistry and how reactions work. And at first I thought they had used it in front of her. That was how vivid her reactions was. And who does stuff like that. Who would even think using something like that is okay. I felt gross just knowing it existed.

Tony: It's definitely gross and definitely bad and it's absolutely awful that it's even happening because who does that--

Tony takes a breath.

Tony: Anyway...it wasn't you.

DJ is nodding vigorously.

Tony: It wasn't her. It was just...what happened. So don't blame yourself for that. Though it wouldn't have surprised me to hear that they used it in front of her.

DJ: She said they just described it to her in great detail. (He looks sad.) She said she cried, and it made me angry, because even if she's weird, she's super nice, and what kind of person would make someone so nice cry? (He scowls.) So when she got sad and scared, I tried to show that I could be scary too, which I can. But I think maybe my idea of scary was a little too close to what those people would do.

Tony: Zira is...gentle. There are unfortunately a lot of people like that. We've run into them before, remember? But at least now you know not to be scary around her. Be scary towards the people that deserve it. Because trust me; there are a lot of folks who deserve it.

DJ: I would use science on those people in bad ways, Tony. And I'm almost afraid I would enjoy it. Because you shouldn't hurt gentle people like Zira. If you do than maybe making people soap is a little too gentle for them.

Tony: The enjoyment piece...I get that. It's a little difficult to separate that. Because they deserve it, so shouldn't I like it? And I guess I kind of do. I'm all for turning certain people into soap. Soap and other things.But in this case...I might go for something different. Still figuring that piece out.

DJ looks about as serious as Tony has ever seen him when he reaches over and grabs Tony's arm.

DJ: If you do, let me help.

Tony looks over at DJ; he's just as serious, and there's something lurking in his eyes.

Tony: Sure about that? Because this stuff...it's not exactly like what we've done before.

DJ pulls a scrap of paper out of the back half of his notebook and begins writing a list of elements out in Celestial. The then writes out the chemical formula of the potion Zira described.

DJ: That's what they used. My professors called it an abomination before the gods. If there are people who would use that on a person, than I don't care about it not being something we've done before. I'm very serious.

Tony looks down at the scrap of paper. He's not the alchemist DJ is, but he knows enough to recognize what he's looking at.

Tony: People might die. I don't want to drag you into something you're not ready for.

DJ taps the paper.

DJ: If they are using stuff like that, people already did. People who do this stuff, they're evil. Not just run of the mill bad guys like those Copper Teeth people you guys fought back there, but actual Evil. They need to be stopped.

Tony: We're probably going to end up killing some people, DJ. This is a little more than my usual run of giving them a taste of their medicine until they see the light. Or annoying them until they turn over a new leaf. So no one's going to jail here. And I don't want you thinking my end goal is anything short of murder.

DJ: If it was the run of the mill stuff I would be against it. Because I don't think people who use this would have any problem getting out of almost any jail out there, and they wouldn't care who was hurt in the process. Half the ingredients in this potion are illegal, and the other half are so dangerous they could cause explosions in their raw form. And this one right here is super weird and makes people sick just by being around it and no one can figure out why.

Tony: These people don't operate on the legal side of the law. So it doesn't surprise me that these ingredients are mostly illegal. And if we do this… Rhodey would not approve. He can't know.

DJ (nodding): I won't tell him. I promise to do better than the last time I wasn't supposed to tell him something.

Tony peers closely at DJ and smiles.

Tony: Great; because that potion of yours...does give me some ideas.

DJ: That is not my potion! I think my Professor was right and it is an abomination before the gods. And I think the best thing I can do is make sure that people who would use it never have a chance to do so again.

Tony: Right, sorry; not your potion. Bad potion... How bad does it make me that I want to use it on them? (He groans.) Anyway, do you need me to write something on you so you don't tell anyone what we just talked about here?

DJ: Bad. Though I kinda want to do it too, even after saying that.

Oh no, the pout is back.

DJ: No!. I can totally keep this a secret. I can keep secrets when it is something as serious as this.

Tony: Let's...just put this on the backburner as possible ideas. (He glances down at that sheet one more time)

Tony: And are you sure about that? You literally told me all about the secret room in your library that no one was supposed to know about. Especially not outsiders.

 DJ (dramatic sigh along with an eye roll): Nobody's life was at stake over a secret room, Tony. I am afraid of what would happen to Zira if these people got a hold of her. Or worse, and I hate saying this because it makes it sound like what they did to her isn't bad enough but, what they might do to the rest of the world might be worse than this potion.

Tony presses his lips together. He flexes his hands briefly before pressing a hand to his chest, fiddling with the amulet.

DJ: You can trust me.

Tony: I do, buddy. Trust me, I do.

DJ thinks nothing of it since he's probably seen Tony fiddle with the amulet before.

Tony: But I keep going back and thinking to that first job we did and how you totally just told the guy to his face that we were going to do something bad to him and he should regret his life choices.

DJ sighs.

DJ: So what would make you feel better?

Tony: You actually being able to keep a secret? (He smiles wryly) I could write it on your hand where you can see it. Like the string  test thing people do to jog their memories. Though, in retrospect, that doesn't make much sense because what does a string do? It just makes them wonder why they have a string on their finger and what they're forgetting. Er, anyway, I guess it'll work here since it might just make you stop and think about what you're saying because you have something written on your hand.

DJ is clearly making motions to make it seem like he is trying to humor Tony.

DJ: But won't it wash off?

Tony: I'm going to write it on your hand every single day. Give it over.

DJ holds his hand out.

DJ: But won't the others see stuff on my hand and ask me why I have stuff on my hand.

Tony: Which is why it's going to be something that no one will suspect.

Tony writes a simple alchemical equation on DJ's hand that DJ could have written in his sleep, blindfolded, with his hands tied behind his back.

Tony: And before I forget...(rummages through his pocket)

DJ: Ugh. People are going to think that I forgot that when It's something I learned in my first class.

Tony: I don't think anyone else in this group has that kind of knowledge aside from Zira and she's not going to suspect what it's for. Anyway, here. (hands over small vial) Something we picked up in the last town we were in when you were off doing your thing in a library, catching birds. I couldn't figure out what it was, so I thought I'd get it for you.

DJ is visibly excited, and almost seems ready to pull out his alchemy kit immediately to start analyzing it before realizing that the back of a wagon on a bumpy road is probably not the safest place to examine a liquid. He does however carefully uncork it and give it a sniff.

DM: The vial is partly empty, so there's no danger of splashing

DM: It's a very powerful poison, from your estimation. You learned identification tactics for some poisons in school, and this fits with a particularly dangerous type popular among criminals. It's meant to be coated on a weapon, to deal extra damage (7d6 poison, or half on a successful CON save). There's about two uses left.

DJ: Eughch. (He makes a face as he pulls the vial away.) Yeah I don't even need to analyze that. It's poison. Probably enough for two arrows or two daggers, or both sides of Rhodey's axe.

DJ: I don't think I have much use for it now, unless I get better at shooting a crossbow. (He goes to hand it back to Tony.)

Tony takes it back, considering it carefully

DJ: Just be careful, that is super potent stuff. Even a little bit is enough to take down one of these oxen.

Tony: Yeah, no kidding. I just wonder...what was she doing with this? (turns vial on side to look at remaining liquid) Clearly murdering some people... So she wasn't quite as innocent as she wanted us to think she was.

DJ: Huh? (He then winces when he sees Tony turn it sideways.) Careful! (He pulls a bit of wax that he usually uses to seal his own vials out of his potions kit and shoves it at Tony.) Seal that up a bit better if you are going to be swishing it all over.

Tony: Ah, yeah, thanks. (seals vial) Won't be using it anytime soon, I think. We were up against a few dragonborn. That's why we got kicked out, remember? The one I got this one off of was tied up and being interrogated by this guy with a mace.

DJ: Oh yeah. The Copper Fang. Jerks. I hadn't even made a dent in the library.

Tony: Come to think of it...her note was signed by a spider, too... How many spiders are poisonous? (mutters) Or is it venomous? (louder) She provided information. Ugh, she probably killed some people doing it. ...Venomous! That's what it is.

Tony: Buddy, you look like you're thinking really hard over there. What's up?

DJ: Nothing.

DJ: Do you think you could tell Zira I'm not going to make her into soap. Or is this one of those things I need to do myself.

Tony is trying really hard not to smile.

Tony: So...I could do it...but it might be better if it comes from you. Besides...(nudges DJ’s foot with his) Make a friend, huh? You two have loads in common

DJ: I know. We were having fun until that potion came up. She knows a lot about healing science, which is cool, since it is so different from a lot of the stuff you learn in alchemy, unless you specifically go into healing.

Tony: You’ve got it! And if something comes up, which it probably will, then don’t worry too much about it. It’ll work itself out. And you can always yell for help if you need to.

DJ: Thanks, Tony.

Tony: Sure thing, buddy. And...I’m sorry about the name thing. I won’t do it again. Do you...want a different nickname?

DJ: It's okay. I know you weren't trying to be mean. And I really don't mind when you say it. Just maybe wait until we get to know these guys more before you use it around them.

Tony: Can do.

DJ grins.

Tony: And, uh...honestly I didn’t know what other nickname would work for you because for some reason “Dummy” is the only thing in my head. Same for Rhodey, actually…

DJ: You do know DJ is a nickname, Tony. Cause my given name is really, really Halfling.

Tony: No way. I would not have guessed that because you seem so...DJ-like?? What’s your given name? Is it as bad as Rhodey’s and that’s why you use DJ?

DJ says nothing and just grins impishly at Tony.

DJ: That's classified information. You don't have the clearance.

Tony: Ah, well. Can’t blame me for trying. I’ll figure it out one of these days. You’ll always be Dummy Junior to me

DJ laughs. 

DJ: You are a dork.

Tony: (scandalized gasp) Me? You take that back!

 DJ (giggling again): Never!!

Tony: I am the opposite of a dork!

 DJ: ;p

Tony: I am...cool.

DJ snorts.

Tony throws a very small container at DJ

Tony: If anyone’s a dork here it’s you!

DJ attempts to catch it only to have it bounce off of his hand and land in his lap before rolling off to land on the bed of the cart.

DJ: At least I am a dork in good company.

Tony: I see your attempt at flattery ...it worked

 DJ grins.

Tony: So, if that’s all, you got anything in that book you want to share? I don’t really feel like joining the crowd out there and whatever name Bob’s going by today ...do you think he has a limit to names or does he just...keep going?

DJ: I've been keeping track. I'll let you know if he repeats them. It's mostly just old research. I was trying to distract myself since I felt bad about Zira. And a bit guilty about the poor possum

Tony: That is not the first possum to have fallen victim to your bombs, buddy. Need I remind you about the innocent rabbit? And the deer one time... And I think there were two possums that you interrupted in the middle of something very, very lovely. Or maybe not so lovely. The sounds were disturbing.

DJ: At least there was enough of the rabbit and the deer to use as dinner. Nobody seemed too interested in seeing if there was enough possum left for breakfast.

Tony: I’m honestly not sure possum would make a good breakfast?

DJ: Me neither honestly. And why did you have to remind me of the other two possums. I had almost erased that from my memory.

Tony: I live to serve. And also because I seriously wonder what those two were up to.

 DJ: I don't. Even I'm not that curious.

Tony: Mm...yeah, some details are not for the young to know.

DJ: I'm 20.

Tony: Like I said...young. Though Zira's younger than you so you are officially no longer the b - ah, youngest.

DJ: Honestly, that would be much more reassuring if it didn't imply such disturbing things about how she grew up.

Tony: ...yeah. Which is why... (He indicates DJ's hand.) I'd give you a tool with a pre-recorded voice message but that might be a bit much.

DJ mimes zipping his lips.

Tony zips his lips as well, grinning.

Tony: And I'll just stay in the background in case something happens. If you want. Or I can just go do something else while you talk to her.

DJ: I might give it a little bit., for now. Maybe after we stop for the night.

Tony: Nothing like a good chat before one goes off to bed. Or maybe a nighttime shift?

DJ: Something like that. I'm not sure what. But soon.

Tony shoots him a thumbs up.

Tony: So, run me through your newest bombs? I'm sure you've got something cooked up.