#noah sebastian fic

[cowpokeomens]

Hey I have a headcanon no one asked for that no one has ever made Noah a birthday cake :-/ like, his birthday was never a big deal bc Halloween and candy so like, no more sugar needed- little Noah holding a purple-frosted cupcake with spider sprinkles from a Halloween party at school and singing himself “Happy Birthday” :-/ but you bake! And it’s almost his birthday so of course you make him a cake! And he’s so fucking touched by it. Because you took the time to bake a cake and frost it and decorate it just for him and it’s not a Halloween cake disguised as a birthday cake, it’s just a cake for him :-( and in the moment he gives you a sincere “thank you” but the next day when he sees it sitting in the fridge he absolutely tears up :-( decides to pay back the favor and makes you a cake for your birthday, and yes it’s from a box and yes it’s a little fucked up because he didn’t realize it needed to be super cold to frost well, but he made it for you! Even added heart sprinkles to it :-( and you actually do cry in front of him because no one has ever made you a birthday cake bc you’re always the one baking :-( and then y’all kiss kiss fall in love the end

[lolitasangel]

CHURCH- Noah NSFW MDNI 18+

I posted a little thought that made some people go a little feral….oops…definitely didnt plan that…

I didn’t want to keep yall waiting for the smut so I made the back story as small as I could so you guys can enjoy.

And all the attention this is getting is making me nervous so, also I’m high so nothing is proof read, I’m high and I’m rereading all that I’m sorry

TW- hair pulling, corruption, dumbification if you will

Tag list- @yarasdead @bluestdai @english-fucker

Sunday Morning-

You had just moved to this town a few weeks ago, you had spent forever trying to convince your parents to let you move out. You were fairly innocent, your parents wanted to keep it that way. Their sweet little girl, never kissed anyone, never had sex, never touched your self, never watched porn,you were pure.

You were aware of what sex was, masterbating , you just never did it, it was a sin, and swore to your God you would stay innocent and pure and you promised your mom and dad it would stay that way, you just wanted to expand on your location, grow up a bit more.

Walking into your new church, looking around at the beautiful statues, murals, it was all so beautiful, the rows of seats, the choir stage huge, the podium standing tall in the center demanding all of your attention.

You were noticed by everyone, a new comer, it was kind of a small town, everyone here was so kind.

You were now standing outside in the front yard of the church communicating with church choir students, all so respectful.

He saw you standing there in your sundress, short heels, a beautiful pink and white dress, resting on your upper thighs, showing your beautiful skin, the way the sun blew some of your hair, revealing your neck line.

He had never wanted someone like this, of course he has had sex with countless woman before moving to this town years ago. But, its been so long since he’s fucked someone, since he has had his hands on someone. He had an image to upload, he was a priest, under god.

He could tell by the way you talked, walked, sat, addressed others, you were raised innocently by your folks. He wanted to change that, you belonged to him, as soon as he set his eyes on you he wanted to corrupt in ways you couldn’t even image.

“Hello, I am Father Noah, I am the priest here at the church, I have never seen you here before, I am guessing you’re new to town?” Father Noah gave you a kind smile. You had never seen someone so handsome before, or tall. “Hi, Im Y/N, I’m from Y/C” “Oh that is very far away, I will be more than happy to show you around if you like”

That’s how it started, months ago, each meeting up at the bookstore he introduced you too, learning that you loved to read and write. Always holding you by the waist “You’re too small, you could get lost in the crowds, I dont want you to get lost and scared” that was his excuse as to why you were always pulled close to him, never realizing that it was more of a possessive thing, letting others know that you belonged to him.

No one in town knew his plan, they just thought “what a sweet couple” not knowing he was planning to corrupt you and have you worship him instead.

“Why don’t you come over to my place tonight? I can cook us dinner, we can watch a movie, and relax.”

It was Sunday, Easter, you decided to volunteer and help set the Easter egg hunt up for the kids. You were wearing another sundress, except the collar was a little shorter than usual, Noah noticed it immediately, he noticed every new little thing you changed about your self.

Looking up from the table you sat at outside the church, watching the kids run around and play. You looked to your left and saw Noah standing at the front of the church greeting the adults walking in and out the church.

Feeling someone’s eyes on him, Noah turns to the right, catching your eye, looking away blushing.

You didnt mean to be caught watching him, he just looked so handsome today, he normally his hair up in a low bun, but, he cut it off, all of it, he looked so handsome with short hair, slicked back. Lately you had these feelings, of course you knew you had feelings for him, but you were experiencing different feelings too, horny feelings.

Of course you were familiar with the sensation, you never acted upon it, you never dreamed of it, until last night.

Take dream was about him, Father Noah, and you felt so guilty, so ashamed, it was a sin to do that, and to even have that kind of dream about a friend, your priest at your church. You felt so ashamed and guilty.

And this new hair cut didnt help. You hear footsteps in the grass next to get louder, and a arm thrown your waist. Looking up at him, you didnt know that he had cut his hair until you saw him at the door, seeing him up close like that though, you could start to feel your core get wetter, and wetter for him.

“Hi, Y/N, thanks for throwing in a helping hand, it means a lot to the church and I that you did that, especially in that dress” of course he didnt say that last part out loud, he couldn’t let you know about his plans. “You cut your um, you cut your hair?” Noah sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck chuckling “Yea, thought it was time” You noticed as you looked up at his tall figure, you started to trail down to his neck, not realizing what you were doing, you touched his collar of his priest suit, before you continue you snap out of it, “I-I am so sorry, I dont know what i was doing, im so sorry” you rambled on

God, she truly is gorgeous Noah thought to himself. Before you could continue, Noah interrupts you “Would you like to come over and have dinner with me? I can cook and you can pick out a movie for us to watch, you should relax from the long day today” you were shocked, of course, yes you wanted to “yes, i would love to” “Great, I can pick you up if you would like, so you can change and feel comfortable”

Father Noah is so caring, and considerate, you thought to yourself.

After the both of you clean up your messes, saying good bye to everyone, Father Noah walks you hold, arm once again wrapped around your waist. “I’ll pick you up around 7 so that way you have to time to get ready, maybe even a nap, you work too hard, I want you to take a shower and relax before you get ready, understand?” you couldn’t help but blush from the caring yet stern voice. You had never heard that from him before he was always so gentle spoken, you could feel that tingle going back down to your core again.

Stop it, this is a sin

You thought to your self, felt so ashamed by it, feeling a hand on your chin, making you look up at Father Noah “what’s wrong, angel?” He looked at you with a look like it said you can tell me, I’ll take care of you

Looking away again, turning your attention to your rose bush next to your front door “could I talk to you about something, I…I committed a sin..” you felt so guilty, horrible, to something so wrong, of course it wasn’t your fault, you were asleep, it was your dreams fault, but it won’t disappear

Noah, pulling you off of him, making you look at him by your hair “what’s wrong, doll? Too dumb to know how to suck cock? It’s okay, I’ll help you, I thought I told you to behave, and that I would teach you but no, here you are acting up, you need to listen to what I have to say to know what to do, you’re too dumb to know what to do,remember?”

You wanted more of him, to taste him, and make him proud

Chuckling he realized how much you really wanted to make him proud that he got you and no one else

Trying to suck his cock further down your throat, moaning, it felt so nice to finally have him in your mouth, you had been craving it all week long

“Sweetheart, are you okay? You zoned out there for a bit” you looked up at him “I just feel guilty” Noah gave you a reassuring smile “don’t worry, I’ll help you repent them, we can talk about when we have dinner” you nodded your head

Inside your house :)

After you took a shower, you layed down on your bed, still in your towel, you look over at your phone, you had changed your background to a photo that Noah took of you both.

You in a flowered printed dress and Noah in is priest uniform, both at the book shop, in a mirror, he had a gentle smile, as you looked at the photo you realized, he had something green poking out the collar on his neck

Your mom and dad told you tattoos were also bad, it was like changing your body in a horrifying painful way.

You came to the realization that maybe, he had fallen at one point, repented and got help! Yes! That’s it! He has to know what to do, but, how would he feel knowing you had those dreams about him…oh god… you thought to yourself.

You hated to admit it but, you thought tattoos looked…dare you say,hot?

You knew it was wrong but you loved how they looked, you hated the process though…and you knew it was bad but…you can’t help that… you thought to your self.

The longer you stared at his hands the longer you started to think of him again.

What they would feel like on your thighs, your throat, in your mouth

Stop it, stop it

You kept thinking to yourself, you decided to then get ready to distract yourself. You were rummaging through your dresser and closet.

None of these dresses work, you decided that a flowy maroon Minnie skirt and a white shirt would work fine, getting your shoes on, touching up your make up, and hair up in a pony tail, your hair framing your face. You heard a knock

Running over to the door to open it you see Noah, still in his church attire, you were secretly hoping he would wear something different, you wanted to know if the tattoos expanded, and if he repented and regrets them.

“You look beautiful” blushing, you walk outside with him, you lock your door, make sure you have everything one last time, and take off with Noah

——————————

Walking up to the front door his house, he unlocks the door, welcoming you in first, before walking in after you and locking the door.

You take your shoes off and look around.

The living room was beautiful, a black couch and a matching love seat, a huge tv screen propped up on the wall with a fireplace beneath it.

Looking on the opposite side of the living room you see the kitchen, an island with bar stools, pantry’s, pots hung up from the ceiling.

Gently grabbing your waste he walks you to the tv, “Pick whatever you want to watch while I cook, I’ll be making spaghetti, I heard you tell the girls you’ve been craving it” you blushed looking away, you were hoping he didn’t hear the girls also say how you two would be a nice couple.

You picked a show but decided it would be rude not to help Noah cook, you walk over to the kitchen and freeze in place.

Father Noah’s white collar was off, and unbuttoned, he had rolled up his black sleeves and was grabbing the ingredients for the spaghetti. Feeling someone watching him he turned around.

“Oh didn’t see you there, would you like some wine? I have many kinds if you would like” you were still shocked on hot he looked standing there, deciding wine would help loosed up your nerves a bit you agreed. “Perfect, I’ll go get it now” while he walked down the hall to fetch the wine you took this time to gather your thoughts

He has tattoos

He’s hot

He cut his hair

He’s hot

You need to tell him about the dreams

He’s hot

You need to repent your sins

He’s hot

The whole nine yards, just back and fourth in your head.

Hearing footsteps you push those thoughts away you help him lay out the ingredients, “go sit down, and I’ll cook” he told you, objecting you told him that you wanted to help but you weren’t the best cook,

Noah saw this as an opportunity, and he was gonna take it, now.

“Here, you can cut the garlic for the sauce” he gave you a cutting board and knife. Keeping a close eye on you, he’s heard horror stories from you about how everytime you are a kitchen you manage to hurt yourself somehow. Watching you grab the knife not realizing the sharp side was facing up, about to press your left hand down on the blade to cut the garlic, he moved quickly over to you. “Wait,wait” stoping what you were doing you looked at him confused.

Walking up behind you, pressing his whole body against yours, running his hands down your arms, to your wrist, to your hand grabbing it, mouth close to your ear whispering “baby, you can’t hold a knife like that, that’s how you get hurt” after fixing the position you had of the knife, you felt him slip away, but you could’ve sworn his hand swept down and stroked your ass, you could’ve sworn.

It must’ve been an accident, had to have been. Father Noah wouldn’t do that, he’s not like that..

After the food is cooked and you both eat, Noah takes you by the hands and leads you to the living room, pouring another glass of wine. “You mentioned earlier that, you committed, a sin, of some sorts, would it be okay if we talked about that now?” Noah asked sitting across from you on the other side, giving you hit full attention.

You looked down fiddling with your skirt, you sat with your legs pulled to the side of you, “I had, I feel so bad” you mumbled, you felt your hand being pulled gently, behind held.

Tilting your head up, you see Noah giving you a reassuring smile. “If you want to repent, I can help you, after all, I am a priest, and it’s my job to help people, aren’t I” he asked, tilting his head to the side, that last part with a bit of a tone, don’t forget your place, I am closer to god than you”

Sighing, you nodded your head “I had a dream…and I did something bad in it and it feels wrong”smiling, Noah nodded his head, “see that wasn’t so hard to say” shaking your head you stand up “no,no, the dream was about you, it was a dirty dream….im really sorry Father Noah, it just happened and I didn’t mean for it to happen” Noah sighed, looking back at you, grabbing your hand, placing you in his lap.

You were shocked, you had never sat it in a dudes lap before, and you didn’t think the priest of your church would do that, much less Noah.

“Why don’t you tell me about the dream.” Noah whispered in your ear, he sounded so serious, and stern. Your back was facing his front, not realizing you were sitting directly on his cock, it’s taking everything in his system to not get hard, just from the thought of you in his lap, but to have also had a wet dream about him? Oh he is about to have you worshiping him by the end of the night.

Pulling you closer to his chest, you leaning your head back on his shoulder, him in the crook of your neck.

This felt so wrong, you weren’t married, you weren’t even dating.

Yet here you are in a priests house, his lap even, and he is a very good man, and he’s been in the church for a while so maybe, maybe this was normal?

It was a priest willing to help you repent, and help you with your dirty thoughts, so it couldn’t have been wrong.

You were coming up with different reasons, you are so innocent, you have no clue what’s gonna happen to you.

He was in the church longer than you, maybe it was wrong cause you weren’t married but it was okay if it was someone directly under god…that made sense…right?

Oh how naive of you…

Feeling hands rubbing your inner thighs, you started to get that tingly feeling again.

Oh god

“Tell me about the dream, it’s okay, I’m your priest and your friend, I can’t help you.” He whispered in your ear.

“I…I was on my knees…in front of you…” you were very hesitant to tell him, you’ve already been on edge for days because of him, you could feel your core start to throb.

“Keep going, baby” he said, running his hands up and down your thighs, he was speaking so gently, yet so close, “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me” he whispered, leaving a small kiss on your neck.

“I was naked, and I was doing something…”

Noah was loving all of this, here he was with an elaborate plan, just for your brain to do half the work of what he was gonna need to do..he was now pulsating, he was sure you could feel it, with how close you were to him.”what were you doing, baby doll?” You started to fidget, you could feel his cock pressed right up against your core, one wrong move you were cooked.

“I was um….my mouth was on your um….you know, and you were saying things…”

Noah leaned away from you groaning, he was not expecting that, he expected a hand job, but naked, pulling your hair, giving him a blow job.

Noah could die a happy man.

You on the hand just wanted to die, you cant believe this is happening, you probably made him uncomfortable, you probably ruined a relationship,, you wanted the world to swallow you whole.

“Come on, baby doll” You stand up confused, Noah groans, grabbing his glass of wine, and your hand. Leading you down the hall, he brings you to his office. Noah opens the door welcoming you in,leading you to chair behind his desk, sitting down he pulls you onto his lap, straddling his waist.

Noah grabs your chin, gently forcing you two to make eye contact, he flashes you a smile, you feeling shy look away, “look at me, I’m not disappointed or mad” you look back up, realizing, he’s wearing grills?

You didn’t realize he was wearing grills, they looked good on him.

You didn’t realize it but you gently lift your hand to his mouth, pulling his bottom lip down, taking a closer look at them, they looked really nice. Noah started to smirk, looking away, you stuttered “I’m sorry”

Noah shook his head “you don’t have to apologize, I’m starting to realize, you’re very shy about a lot of things, baby doll” you rest your head on his shoulder, taking a closer look at his tattoo, tracing it.

“Baby doll, you have to finish telling me about your dream”

Your eyes widen, slipping your mind of what caused you to be in this situation.

You decided that you were just gonna let it all out, he was a priest and your friend like he said so, he couldn’t be too mad.

“Well, in the dream, you were sitting in my bed and I was naked and sucking you off or something and you were pulling my hair and telling me I was going a good job, and I really liked it and it made me feel horny down there but, I didn’t do anything I swear, I didn’t commit that sin, Father Noah, I really didn’t!” You let out, panting from how quick you spoke.

You hid your face closer to his neck, to scared to see his reaction, not even wanting to look anywhere near his face out of fright of what he might think.

Not saying a word, Noah wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his hands on your ass, silently walking to his bed room.

Grabbing a chair, sitting it in front of a mirror, he stands you up, looking at you in the mirror, giving you a smile. “You’ve been a very very good girl, baby. You didn’t give in to those dirty thoughts, you deserve some pleasure. Even better that it’s from your friend and your priest. I can help you repent baby”

Grabbing your waist gently, sliding his hands up your thighs to your hips, grabbing you pants, gently pulling them down. Shoving them in his pocket (you will never get these back) sitting you down on his lap. Noah spreads his legs, as well as spreading your own.

Reaching around you, pulling your skirt up, to reveal your pussy, your thighs were soaked from your wetness. Noah groaning from the sight, he wanted to taste you, and nothing was stopping him now.

You started to reach down towards your core, rubbing your clit gently, it felt so good to finally touch yourself, you started to realize it wasn’t wrong cause it was Noah, and he was always helping you. He knew what to do, always had the answers to your questions, he always treated you right.

You wanted to make him proud, so you continue to play with yourself. You could feel yourself close to some sort of relief but you couldn’t quite get to that point.

Leaning forward into your ear he whispers “I want you to play with yourself, it’s your reward from me, remember, after all you came to me for help, that man in sky isn’t your god, I am baby” started to toy with your tits, giving them a squeeze.

You started to whimper, grinding against his cock, he felt so big, Noah, groaning from the sensation, taking a moment to look at you in the mirror, you looked gorgeous, cheeks flushed, hair disheveled, whimpering his name, he’d never seen something so beautiful.

You started to pant from the sensation, you never felt so good before, not even the dream could compare to this.

“Noah…it feels to good…” you panted out, your cheeks were flushed red from being so exposed.

“You feel good, huh, baby?” You started to whimper from feeling so close yet not getting to cum yet. “Noah…please…I need help…I’m so close…please” Noah groaning from this picked you up, trapping you between him and the bed, he starts to leave kisses down your neck, making his way up to your mouth looking you in the eye, grabbing your chin, he whispers, as if it’s your dirty little secret to keep, looking you deep in the eye “I am your god, baby doll. You repent your sins to me and only me. Where was your god when you got heart broken? No where, I was here, remember? Where was your god when you couldn’t sleep at night cause you were worried about having nightmares? No where, it was me, baby. Don’t you see I am your god” You nodded your head in understatement, that made sense, god never answered my prayers, not like Noah did. You thought to yourself.

Placing his lips to yours, he slowly teases you, licking your bottom lip, slipping his tongue into your mouth, demanding dominance.

“I wanna taste you so bad, baby” Noah sits up “get undress, baby, give me a show” Noah starts to unbutton his shirt, taking it off, revealing more and more tattoos the more clothes he took off.

“You look so gorgeous for me, baby. God I can’t wait to have your pussy, in my mouth, I’ve been dreaming of fasting you”. Diving straight into your pussy, he starts to lap directly at your clit, arching from the sensation, it felt so god, you had never felt to good, so much pleasure “Noah…it’s too much, please” you whimpered out, Noah completely ignored you. Noah starts to slip a finger inside you, stretching you out slowly, not wanting to hurt you. Moaning from the sensation, you pull at his hair, eating you out like there was no tomorrow, like you would disappear if he stopped.

Slipping another finger inside you, fingering you gently, leaning up to your ear “you taste so good, princess. I knew you would taste incredible but not like this. You’re doing such a good job for me,baby. You’re making your god very proud tonight” slipping another finger in you stretching you more, letting out a whimper “Noah, please, I need you”

“Yea, you need me? Pray to me, baby? Show your true god some love” sitting back, running his hands along the way, throwing your legs over his shoulders, lining his cock up to your entrance.

“Please Noah, please, I need you” normally Noah planned to wait it out, but being deprived of your pussy pushed him over the edge.

Slipping his cock in, Noah let out a groan, you moaning from the feeling of being full of his cock, “fuck” Noah let out.

Noah started to gently pull out though, leaving you empty, except the tip of his cock “what do we say, baby?” “Please, I’ve been good for you, I’ve been a good girl, please.” You begged and pleaded Noah to take you whole.

“Alright, baby, you got it” Noah thrusted his cock back into you, pulling you close, he felt so big stretching you out. Reaching down to rub your clit “you feel so warm and tight, god you feel incredible” he was moving faster and faster “I can feel you tightening up, baby? Are you gonna cum for me?” You nodded your head, too fucked out to speak “aww, are you so cocky drunk you can’t even speak right now” pulling out slowly and giving one harsh thrust, pulling you closer by the hips, feeling himself about to burst “go on, baby, you can cum, cum for me”

You feel your legs start to shake, and the feeling of release finally hitting you like a tone of bricks.

“Fuck!” Noah lgroaned in your ear, feeling Noah, empty his cock inside of you felt so good, you pulled him closer, whimpering.

“Good girl, baby, you did so good, let me get you cleaned up.”

Noah gave you a gentle kiss on your forehead, grabbing a warm wet rag, wiping you down, putting his t-shirt and boxers on you, after changing the sheets, he turns the tv on, pulling you close, playing with your hair.

“You did so good tonight for me, baby. So good, I have so much to teach you.”

You curl your body closer into his body, you knew you could trust me, and he was right, he helped you more than god.

—————

Hello, I hope you enjoyed this story, I was so nervous to write it as I don’t ever really write smut, well in depth smut so I tried my best. Also if you didn’t read it in the beginning I was high writing this so nothing is proof read, I’m too stoned to try and reread anything I’m sorry

I was so nervous Ughhhh but anyways I hope you enjoyed, i will try to write a part two, i know I definitely want to but that might also take some time as well.

I hope you have a good morning/evening/ Ight

-LP🫶🏼

[concreteangel92]

Noah’s Phone

Noah Sebastian x female reader

18+

Let’s talk about what is on Noah’s phone, more specifically in a private photo vault for his eyes only when he’s away on tour…

•Our man definitely has all the photos you’ve ever sent him, semi nude to full hidden away from potential prying eyes

•Photos you’ve sent him just to be a tease, even if they don’t show much, he loves and saves every single one

•He’d have photos of you in all positions, legs open with his fingers spreading your lips wide so he could capture how wet you are for him

•A video showing how easily his fingers slip in and out while the audio is just the intoxicating sounds of you moaning for him

•Videos from behind showing the screen how he loves fucking you from behind, being able to see and play with all of your holes, can see the heart shape of your ass and watch your skin ripple with each of his thrusts

•Will have every photo imaginable of your ass, dude is an ass man 100%!

•He’s definitely going to have every angle of you with his cock in your mouth, he will particularly adore the ones with your make up running down your face and salvia dripping off your chin

•In the videos he has of you with your mouth full, he’ll be giving you all the sweet praises mixed with the most beautiful degradation

•”you look so beautiful with your mouth full baby, such a perfect little whore just for me”

•He’ll have videos showing close ups of when you two are joined, he’d totally get off seeing how wet you’ve made his dick as he’s slowly thrusting in and out, showing how you’ve made such a mess on him

•Photos or videos showing your face lost in the moment, eyes rolled back, mouth open or your jaw clenched, he wouldn’t be able to get enough

•Showing how easily his hand can wrap around your throat and squeeze while he fucks you senseless until you’re completely cock drunk for him

•And of course he would have the cream pie shots and then show his fingers pushing it back inside, can’t waste a drop now can we?

•You name it, he has it, all locked away just for him when he gets some alone time in his bunk

•But let’s be real, our boy would still always prefer FaceTiming or sexting with you because that’s as close to the real deal as he can get while he’s away

[bluestdai]

✦ bestfriend!noah x reader — spending time together

bestfriend noah who brings home injured stray cats to take care of them. bestfriend noah who has like eight stray cats in his parents house backyard cause once he nurses them back to health he can't just let them go. bestfriend noah who loves the cat ear headphones you bought him and sends you selfies wearing them -with his shirt off- and loves being called a cat dad. bestfriend noah who's probably your dog's favorite human and brings your dog treats everytime he comes over; he comes over to see you cause you're his bestfriend but he never forgets to bring your dog treats to make him happy. bestfriend noah who loves coming over to your house to charm your parents everytime with his jokes and well behaved manners but really he just wants to spend time with you. spending time for the two of you used to mean eating the snacks your mom brought to your room but now it means locking the door so noah can spend as many hours as he has between your legs, licking and sucking at your cunt till your thighs start shaking so fast that he has two keep them still with both hands. spending time now means noah telling you he loves how you whimper and moan so he uses every opportunity to eat you out and fingering you so he can hear your pretty voice again and again. spending time with noah now means having your face pressed into your pillows after he eats you out for hours for him to use your holes and telling you how good you feel and how much he loves being inside you. spending time now means sneaking out of the house late at night to get milkshakes and then have the melted subtance licked of your stomach -cause oops you're wearing a crop top and oops you got milkshake all over yourself- by noah and minutes later your shorts are on the backseat of his car, one leg on the dashboard and the other resting on his shoulder as he drags the sweet liquid down on your core and the licks your arousal that's mixed with it.

[doomhands-jr]

The Devil's Advocate - Chapter 7

Pairing: Delinquent!Noah Sebastian X Pastor's Daughter!Reader

Summary: Noah is a delinquent with a lot of anger at the church. You're a pastor's daughter plagued by moral perfectionism, charged with overseeing the community service he's been sentenced to complete. You've never encountered true temptation before. How will you fare up against Noah, who not only isn't bound by the same rules of purity as you, but actively scoffs at them?

Rating: 18+ Minors DNI

Warnings: Angst, religious guilt, mentions of religious trauma, mentions of masturbation. Mentions of anti-choice propaganda.

Masterlist

Authors note: Maybe grab a cup of tea for this one.

_________

Noah Davis didn’t like to think of his actions in terms of morality. He understood that right and wrong were subjective. That life didn’t exist in binaries of good vs. evil, and that things like virtue and righteousness weren’t so easily defined. 

That didn’t mean there weren’t some steadfast rules he followed: 

Do his best to act in a way that aligns with his internal moral compass

Reduce harm much as possible

Do what’s best for the collective, while still keeping his best interests in mind

That line of thinking has served him well over the course of his lifetime. He’d freed himself from moral obligations and had done what he truly felt was best, and in doing so, he was able to walk through life with his head held high, standing by his actions. 

The idea that some of his behavior was sinful had not entered his mind since he formally left the church. 

But now, as he laid in bed, recovering from the tsunami of brain chemicals that just flooded his system, he felt like a sinner . 

The sin coursed through his body, sick and bittersweet. It flowed through his veins, infecting his cells and rotting his bones like a poison. Like a drug. 

He scrubbed a hand over his face, clammy palm meeting clammy forehead, cock still twitching with the aftershock. 

He’d expected you to put up more of a fight. He’d banked on you shutting him down, batting him away and telling him to behave himself, but you’d walked so willingly into his snare, so eager and needy, offering up yourself on a platter with almost no hesitation. 

It was a vile thing that you brought out of Noah. An ugly, profane creature that lurked in the shadows of his soul. He’d been aware of its existence in his periphery. It had been a sleeping beast. One he’d hoped he’d never have to contend with. 

But now? It had taken its first shuddering breath, and with it, thrown down its gauntlet. Its demand? You—not as a partner, but as a sacrifice. Sprawled out on an altar for it to consume and defile. To claim for the sake of hubris. 

Noah longed to find a way to cleanse himself—confess his sins and pray the rosary. Baptize himself in holy water. Take communion and walk forth a forgiven man. Would that be enough? 

War had been waged within Noah, and the odds were stacked against him. He was David, standing at the feet of Goliath. Jonah, staring down the gullet of the whale. 

He squeezed his eyes shut and the image of you at the apex of pleasure flashed across his vision. You’d made that offering to him. It was sacred. He’d cherish it for the rest of his life.  

_______

Noah had no holy water available to him to wash his sins away. He did have a hot shower, though, and at least that was a start. 

Turning on the water, he allowed the steam to gather in clouds around his bathroom. His skin had grown sticky with sweat, and his shoulders ached. As soon as he stepped under the spray, the tension began to dissipate. 

He pressed his forehead against the cool tile wall and allowed the stream to trickle down his back. 

He had a duty to himself—and to you. There was no denying his affection for you, but therein lied a glaring problem: you were ready for more. You deserved more. You deserved to push past these boundaries of purity and explore who you were outside of faith, and that made you vulnerable. Because whatever sickness lived inside Noah was itching to exploit that vulnerability. Not for your benefit, but for its own.

“Help me figure this out,” he whispered against the shower wall. It was a prayer in the most ironic sense. He wasn’t sure if he even believed in what he was praying to, but without any other ideas, it felt like the right thing to do. “I don’t want to hurt her, but I’m afraid.” 

He received nothing but silence in response. 

He scoffed at his own actions. What did he expect? Divine understanding? 

He grabbed the soap, lathering it up before scrubbing it over his disgusting, unclean body. Why did he even bother? He learned long ago that nobody was going to save him but himself. If he wanted his demons to die, he’d have to be the one to kill them. 

________

On a snowy Sunday morning, Noah didn’t have a church to attend, but he did have a pair of work boots, a heavy coat, and a trail through the woods that allowed him to commune with nature. 

He also had a pre-roll he stole from Nick, which he cupped against his jacket to light. It took a few tries. The wind wasn’t biting, but it was present, and it flickered the flame in his lighter. He eventually got it lit though, and he took a deep drag, holding the smoke in his lungs and waiting for it to take effect. 

Exhaling slowly through his nose, he closed his eyes to focus on the high setting in. His body began to lift, a warm, cloudy, hollow feeling expanding out from his chest to his limbs, and ten minutes later, the joint was spent and Noah was intricately connected to the forest around him.

He walked on the trail, delighting in the way the frozen leaves crunched under his boots. He forgot his gloves again, so he stuffed his hands in his pockets as he walked. 

You were probably in church right now. Might even be on stage leading the praise and worship music alongside Isaac, where you were safe. 

No, that wasn’t true. You deserved more than the life you’d find within the church. If you stayed put, you’d eventually find yourself on the arm of some 30-something with a trust fund and a perfect attendance record at Sunday school. You’d have to hide who you were from society, pretending to fit in where you didn’t belong. 

Noah dug his nails into the palms of his hands. He wanted you to have more than that, but he wasn’t the right person to give it to you. At least not in his current state. 

Giving up the idea of you was painful, yes. But it also gave him time to figure out how to contend with the ugly parts of himself. If he could let go of his desire for you, then he wouldn’t have to risk that part of him taking over. He could lock it back into the cage he’s kept it in for so many years and continue on in life as if nothing had ever happened. 

He’d never have to know that hunger again. 

He breathed in deep, allowing the frigid air to sting his lungs and throat. It wasn’t painful enough for him. He needed to toil and sweat and suffer to repent for his sins. He picked up his pace, letting his feet fall heavy onto the ground. Within a few minutes, his heart rate sped up, lungs stretching to accommodate his increased need for oxygen. All systems firing to pump fresh blood through his body. 

That helped. Maybe he could sweat the fever out. Force the toxicity to exit through carbon dioxide and leave it as an offering to the forest so it can convert it back to oxygen. 

He broke out into a run, thinking back to the time he caught you running in the rain and wondering if you’d been seeking the same energetic cleanse. 

You’d cried in his arms that night. 

He slowed his pace, down from a run to a jog. 

It was the first time he’d noticed something wrong—the first time he sensed that his control was slipping. 

A stray root caught his foot and he fell hard to the ground, catching himself with his palms and knees. He stayed there for a moment to assess his body and see if any damage had occurred, and when he found none, he rolled onto his back and laid in the snow and mud, stretching his arms and legs to the side and creating a snow angel. 

The snow fell lightly, catching on his eyelashes. He stuck out his tongue, allowing the tiny flakes to melt upon contact and tasting the nothingness of it all. 

He closed his eyes, and he was thirteen again. A nude magazine lay open on his floor. He’d just finished masturbating for the third time that day. Sobbing, he grabbed the leather belt hanging over his desk chair and whipped himself across the back with it. Harder this time than last. Perhaps with enough pain, he would learn his lesson. 

He bunched a shirt up and stuffed it into his mouth, biting down hard to muffle himself as he wept. God surely wouldn’t forgive him again after this. He would be sent to hell for being so unclean. 

For months, he’d tried to break this disgusting habit, but it was to no avail. He was sick and perverted, and lacked the self-control he needed to resist temptation.  

He didn’t want to go to confessional. He didn’t want to have to hear his priest’s disappointed voice telling him to say ten hail-marys. 

He took a deep, shuddering breath in, noticing how the icy air stabbed at his lungs. He didn’t want to dwell too long on that memory. He could already feel his throat constricting. 

It wasn’t until he befriended Ruffilo that he realized he wasn’t uniquely perverted. Ruffilo hadn’t been raised in a church. He talked about porn as if it was something exciting, rather than shameful. He’d been the first one to bring up the subject of masturbation, making casual comments and jokes about how often he got himself off. 

Ruffilo’s world—a world without shame—had been a foreign concept to Noah. After being exposed to it, he realized that faith and freedom were mutually exclusive. There was no way to balance the two, so he chose freedom and never looked back. 

Noah’s fingers found a frozen leaf. He caressed the edges, feeling how smooth they were and remembered brushing bits of leaves off your coat that time you’d jumped in the leaf pile. He remembered how you gasped when his frigid hands ghosted over the nape of your neck. He could have cut the tension with a knife. 

He couldn’t go back to the church. There was too much pain there to revisit. He cut off that part of him a long time ago, back when believing in God meant engaging in his own self-destruction. 

Being with you meant dipping his toes back in the water of religion. You and faith were a package deal. He knew that. You weren’t going to give it up any time soon, and certainly not for him. 

He closed his eyes again and felt the sting of saltwater. He wasn’t going to cry. He’d done enough of that in his adolescence. But the feelings were there, and they weren’t going to let him off the hook without being felt. 

It was you or self-preservation.

He inhaled deeply and forced himself back up, turning to start the long trek back to town. A conversation needed to be had. 

________

There was no priest to whom he could confess his sins, but there was Folio, and late on a Sunday afternoon, he could be found stoned in his room. 

“I fucked up,” he announced, standing in the doorway.

Nick was on his bed, controller in his hands and headset on. From where Noah stood, he couldn’t see the screen, but he guessed his friend was mowing down enemies in Call of Duty. 

“In the middle of something,” he said. “Give me a few.” 

Noah invited himself into the room and sat in Nick’s desk chair, observing the décor. Nick decorated his walls with posters of women in various states of undress. Some of them were holding fish. Others were posed on top of cars. 

His fishing rod and tackle box rested in the corner next to his desk. An electric drum kit lined the far wall. Clothes were strewn about the room, along with drumsticks, food wrappers, and half-empty water bottles. A few cans of beer spilled out of the overfull trash can. On the nightstand sat an ashtray with the spent ends of several blunts stuffed in the center. 

Quite the confessional booth. 

“What’s up?” he said, taking his headset off and turning his attention to Noah. 

“I fucked up,” Noah repeated. 

Nick blinked twice, but made no other movement. “Okay,” he said. “In what way?” 

“You already know.” 

“The pastor’s daughter?” Nick guessed, tilting his head lower to stare at Noah through furrowed brows. “Did you fuck her?” His tone was accusatory, and deservedly so. 

Noah shook his head. “Not exactly.” 

Nick turned on his bed to face Noah head-on. “What did you do?” 

Noah deliberated over exactly how much to tell his friend. What happened between the two of you last night was private and he didn’t want to share your business with someone else unless you said it was okay, but he needed to get some things off his chest. 

“So,” he began, taking a deep breath and shaking his head. “I think I need to stay away from her for a while. I’ve got some stuff to sort out and until I do, I might hurt her.” 

Nick gave himself time to fully process what Noah had just said. He inhaled deeply through his nose, letting his eyes drift away from Noah and relaxing his focus as he mulled it over. 

“You really care about her?” he asked. 

Noah nodded. 

“Want me to stay away from her, too?” It was an honest question, and Noah was suddenly struck with how much his friends cared about him. 

Noah squeezed and relaxed his hands a few times to increase circulation in his fingers. They were still cold from his walk. 

“No, actually. If anything, I think you’d be a really good influence for her. She could use someone like you.” 

Nick’s eyebrows pulled up in the center. He tilted his head to the side. “Why do you say that?” 

“She needs to have more fun,” he said. “She’s been repressed for a really long time and I think she’s ready to break out of that and live life.” 

Nick’s eyes went wide and he  pointed to his chest. “And you want me to be the one to help with that?” 

Noah didn’t want Nick to do that. The last thing he wanted was to see you enjoying yourself without him, but if it was between that and you staying miserable under the church’s influence, he at least wanted you to be happy. 

“I think you’d be good for her,” he said, working hard to make sure he didn’t sound bitter at all. 

“What if I fuck her?” he asked, his momentary sincerity seemingly over. 

Noah’s face dropped. “Don’t fuck her.” 

“But what if I do?” 

Noah clenched his jaw, grinding his molars together as he steadied himself. He knew Nick didn’t mean anything by it. He was just being himself and trying to rile Noah up, but Noah wasn’t about to give in. 

“Then make sure you’re on the same page with her about what it means. Don’t lead her on.” 

Nick chewed on his tongue. “Where is all this coming from?” He asked. “Why do you think you’ll hurt her?” 

“I guess,” Noah said, picking at a bit of dead skin on his lip, “It’s sort of just a gut feeling? I don’t know how to describe it, but there’s something in there that tells me I gotta sort myself out before I get involved with anyone.” 

Nick blinked up at his friend, softening. “I didn’t realize you were so serious about her.” 

“I don’t know what I feel,” said Noah. “I just need some time to figure that out.” 

“You okay?” he asked, hand coming up to scratch an itch at the back of his neck. 

Noah nodded. “I will be,” he said. It was true, he would be okay eventually. He was sure of that. He’d survived worse than this. He just needed to figure out what the best course of action would be. 

Nick’s eyes flicked back to the paused game on the screen. “So you’re saying it’s cool if I fuck her then?” he said. 

Nick could be a real asshole at times. He was abrasive by nature. Many found his personality overwhelming, but the ones who stuck around knew that he was an antagonist, not to be mean, but to challenge people—coax them out of their comfort zones and force them to confront their triggers. He wasn’t always right, and he often stuck his own foot in his mouth, but when he was right, he was so right, it made up for all the other times. 

This time, however, he used his skill to diffuse the tension. 

“Man, fuck you,” said Noah, slapping the ash tray off the end table. It tipped over sideways and spilled its contents onto Nick’s bed, coating his sheets with ash and spent roaches. 

“Bro!” Nick shouted, but Noah was already out of the room, hissing to himself with laughter, and Nick was too couch locked to chase him. 

________

“Noah said to tell you he’s sorry. He got called in for overtime again,” Nick said as he walked into the community center seven minutes late. 

Your heart sank. Not just because you wouldn’t get to see Noah, but because he could have easily texted this information to you himself. 

It was as you’d suspected. Noah was avoiding you.

Over the course of the week, you’d grown more and more stressed. Sunday was fine. You’d woken up feeling well rested, having dreamt of Noah throughout the night. At church, you couldn’t focus on any of the sermon because you were too consumed reliving the previous night. 

Monday came and went with no word from Noah. You thought for sure he would have texted you to say hi or check up on you. Some sort of acknowledgement that the dynamic between the two of you had shifted. But you’d also heard it was customary to wait three days. 

So you waited. 

By Wednesday, your patience had grown thin. You’d given him the benefit of the doubt, wondering if maybe he was nervous and waiting for you to reach out, so you had, sending him a casual hey . 

He never responded. You’d been checking your phone religiously over the course of the week, but it had been radio silence on his end. 

“Okay. Thanks for letting me know.” You kept a straight face and a steady voice while you spoke, but it took effort. “We’re supposed to be shoveling snow today but since there’s only us, I’m going to veto that.” 

Nick sighed in relief. “Thank god . I wasn’t built for the cold.” 

“Get inside,” you nodded towards the doors. “We’ll start with windows.” 

He offered up a salute and bounded through the doors, eager to escape the cold. 

As Nick got to work, you processed this information. 

Noah’s silence was deafening. 

Was this your punishment? Was God unhappy with your behavior and was this his way of letting you know? 

An element to this was fitting. This was the cost, you realized. This was the price you paid for giving into temptation. 

A bitter laugh escaped under your breath. 

Was the church right about everything? Was there a reason you shouldn’t fall into temptation? 

Maybe Hell did exist—and it wasn’t a lake of fire, but the absence of Heaven after you’d already tasted it.  

Even after everything, you probably would still have done it all over again if you had the opportunity. He’d introduced you to a part of yourself that had been dormant for a long time and for that, you were grateful. 

But the price was steep. 

Your biggest regret was that you hadn’t even gotten to touch him before it was all over. You felt so stupid. Why couldn’t you have held out a little longer? Resisted temptation until you had him fully within your grasp? 

But then again, perhaps the loss of him would be even more painful, wouldn’t it? 

You sighed and stretched your arms up, resting your forearms on your head as you observed Nick spraying down the windows with cleaner. 

You could get through this. It would be hard, but it was within your grasp. People have survived much worse. In the grand scheme of things, this heartache was minor. It would hurt for a while, but eventually you’d recover and life would go on. 

It was just a matter of getting to the other side. 

You wanted to remember this pain. Savor the full impact and hopefully this would be the only time you needed to learn this lesson. You’d grow, heal, and move on a better and stronger version of yourself. 

Eventually. 

Right now, you needed to focus on the task at hand: overseeing community service without getting yourself into any more trouble. And that’s what you were going to do.  ________

That did prove to be a tougher job than you anticipated. Nick was charismatic as ever and kept trying to get your attention. 

You’d throw him a bone every once in a while, if only because it genuinely did lift your spirits to be around him. He was a much safer presence. 

“How many weeks do I have left?” 

You were strewn across the back pew, doing your best not to wallow, but failing pretty spectacularly, when Nick’s voice broke you out of your ruminations. 

“I’m not sure,” you said, sitting up and looking at him. He leaned casually against the back of the pew, rag thrown over his shoulder. His fingers tapped a rhythm on the wood. “I have it written down somewhere. I’d have to look.” 

“Can you let me know next week?” he asked, bouncing on his heels. You could see what attracted Ava to him so much. 

“Yeah.” 

“Or actually, maybe this Friday. Isn’t that when your Christmas thing is?” 

You blinked stupidly up at him. You’d forgotten all about the upcoming showcase. 

“Oh, yeah. It is. I didn’t realize you knew about it.” 

“Yeah,” he said, and then shifted on his feet as if he was trying to figure out a way to avoid saying that Noah told him about it. Which would mean that Nick was also aware of the awkwardness between the two of you. 

“Were you thinking of going?” you asked. “You don’t have to.” 

“I thought it might be fun to see you sing,” he said, voice soft and lips smiling.  

You were momentarily taken aback. You didn’t think Nick cared about anything you were doing. The thought that he might be interested in your life outside of community service was one that hadn’t crossed your mind. 

“Really?” you asked. 

He looked side to side and nodded, as if it should have been obvious to you. 

“Nick, that would mean so much. I would love for you to come.” 

“Good,” he said, a self-satisfied smile back on his face. “But try not to suck or I won’t be donating anything.” 

You snorted loudly. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.” 

“Anytime.” 

The conversation died down, and you could feel the elephant in the room rearing its head. 

You could ask how Noah was doing. It wouldn’t be too out-of-character. But you’d give yourself away easily if you did. 

Besides, nothing good would come of it. If Noah wanted to contact you, he would. If he didn’t, then he was just someone you needed to get over. 

Nick lingered, just as hesitant to leave the conversation. 

“You doin’ okay?” he asked. 

You sighed, leaning into the back of the pew. “Yeah,” you said. “I’m fine.” 

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked. 

You rolled your head across the pew to look over at him. His face held a neutral expression, but there was softness in his eyes. 

“Maybe some other time,” you said. “Thank you, though.” 

“No problem,” he said. “I’m here if you need me.” He punctuated it with a squeeze to your shoulder and your hand came up to clasp over his on its own accord. He was warm, and truth be told, you really needed the gesture. 

Perhaps you’d be okay. 

_______

“And there were no signs prior to this?” 

“No,” you said, collapsing on Ava’s bed while she worked on her Contemporary Art project from her desk. It looked like a big lump of Styrofoam. She held a strip of sandpaper, rubbing it back and forth over a corner and causing little pieces to flake off and litter the desk and floor beneath her. 

“And neither of you talked beforehand about what it would mean?” 

“No,” you grumbled, recognizing your first mistake. You absolutely should have talked about what it meant for the both of you before doing anything, and you can’t understand why you’d been so foolish to skip over that. “It just sort of…happened?” 

Ava fixed you with an imploring stare. 

“Babe, I’m really sorry that you got hurt, but. I don’t know,” she began. “Aren’t you always the one preaching about that kind of thing? It seems like you could have used a little bit of your own advice, don’t you think?” 

You turned over and let out a loud groan into Ava’s pillow. 

“Not helping.” 

“I know, I know. That was probably insensitive. I just,” she trailed off, turning back to her project. “Maybe this was a lesson you needed to learn? Not to look down on others for the things they struggle with. And maybe also to recognize that we’re all human. We’re all sinners. Even you?” 

You pouted. “You really think I needed to learn that?” 

“You’ve been known to judge in the past.” 

“I’ve been better about that!” you said, throwing your hands up in the air. 

“I know,” she said. “I know you have.” She pouted back at you. “Maybe I’m not the best person for this kind of talk.” 

You sighed, crossing your arms over your stomach. “No, you’re fine. I think I’m just feeling sorry for myself is all.” 

Ava got up from her desk, brushing as many Styrofoam flakes from her clothes as she could, and crawled into her bed with you, wrapping her arms around your shoulders. You melded into her touch. “You’re allowed to feel hurt. He did send you mixed signals.” 

“What about you and Nick?” you asked. She chewed on her lip for a moment. 

“Nick and I…we talked about it beforehand. We knew it was just for that night going into it.” She rested her chin on your shoulder. 

“You didn’t want to pursue anything more?” 

Ava shrugged beside you. “Neither of us is looking for anything.” 

You leaned your head on her shoulder. It would have been nice had you had the same disposition going into the encounter with Noah. You could have just enjoyed it for what it was and then went your separate ways without any complicated feelings. You admired Ava’s ability to do that. 

“You’re right,” you said. “We should have talked about it beforehand. Made sure we were on the same page.” 

You turned to bury your face in her shoulder, squeezing your eyes shut to keep any tears from escaping. 

“It doesn’t always work out that way,” she said. “Don’t judge yourself for your mistakes.” 

She stroked your back as you failed to prevent your eyes from leaking. “Is it okay if I cry on you?” you asked, voice muffled by her shirt, a stray piece of Styrofoam finding its way into your mouth. 

“Babe, of course. I’m here for you.” 

You nodded into her shoulder, allowing the first of many sobs to fall. She continued to stroke your back, soothing you as you wept. 

It hurt. You’d trusted Noah to care for you. You never would have believed him to be the type to get what he wants and then not call. 

Plus, he still had five weeks of community service (you’d checked), and there wasn’t any way he could get out of that. 

“How am I supposed to face him on Saturday?” you whined. 

“Hmmm,” she said. “Is Folio talking to you?” 

“Yeah,” you sniffed. “He’s actually been really nice.” 

“What if you just talk to him? Use him as a distraction so you don’t have to talk to Noah. Who knows? Maybe having fun with him would help you move on.” 

You pulled away to look at her. 

“You mean like…?” you trailed off. 

She laughed. “I’m not saying have sex with the guy,” she said. “I doubt he’d do that since Noah’s like, his best friend. But he’s a good guy and he’s fun to be around. And you could use that kind of energy in your life.” 

You sniffled again and let your head drop back down to rest on her, spitting out another fleck of Styrofoam. It truly was everywhere. 

You doubted that hanging out with Nick would help you get over Noah. If anything, it would just remind you of him. But you did need more friends in your life, and he was someone you could see yourself getting along with. 

Perhaps focusing on your friendships would help. You squeezed Ava’s middle. 

“I love you,” you said. “Please be my friend forever.” 

She breathed softly, squeezing you back. “If you play your cards right.” 

______

Friday’s showcase had a much larger turnout than expected. People lined the pews and even stood in the back after all the available seats had been filled. You peeked through one of the side doors that entered onto the stage and saw Nick sitting in a middle row. Ava sat a few rows in front of him. She caught your eye and gave you a big thumbs-up for good luck. 

Your eyes scanned over the crowd, searching for a tall, tattooed figure and coming up short. 

He said he was going to come. He was the one who had pressed you for the information in the first place. 

You looked down at your phone screen. 6:53. He still had seven minutes to make it. 

You exhaled a deep breath and shook your hands out, trying to calm your nerves. 

“Want to pray?” came Isaac’s deep voice to your right. You looked over to find him standing quite close to you. His usual v-neck and beanie had been swapped out for a white button-down and black tie, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hair was tied neatly in a bun atop his head. 

“Sure,” you breathed, figuring you could use some prayer. 

He grasped your hands in his. His were warm. Steady. They helped to soothe your nerves. 

“God,” he began, “please watch over us and guide us as we work to spread the good news of Jesus’s birth. Let us not falter. Allow our voices to ring true and fall on ears willing to hear. In your name. Amen.” 

“Amen,” you repeated, working hard not to roll your eyes. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t appreciate the prayer. It was just that Isaac talked as if he were living a hundred years ago, trying his best to sound profound, and you weren’t entirely convinced it was solely for God’s listening pleasure. He was a performer, after all. 

He squeezed your hands, smiling. “Almost time. Are you nervous?” he asked. 

“A little bit,” you said, noticing the discomfort in your gut. 

“Don’t be. You’ve got this. It’s just the one solo and then you’re in the choir for the rest of it.” His thumbs rubbed over the backs of your hands, and you were about to pull your hands away from him, but it actually was quite soothing. He seemed like he genuinely cared about you. And he smelled nice. Some sort of expensive-smelling cologne that was the complete opposite of whatever spiced oil Noah wore, but in a really good, clean way. 

“You look great, by the way,” he added, taking a step back and giving you a once-over. “I like the dress.” 

The dress in question was a high-necked A-line in a bright shade of red to match the holiday theme (Christmas theme, your father would correct you, because apparently no other holidays existed to him). 

You wore a dark green cardigan overtop, along with a gold necklace and black heels. Your lips were painted to match the dress. It was the most dressed-up you’d been since last Christmas. When you chose the outfit, you were still under the impression that a certain tattooed someone would see it. 

“Thanks,” you said. 

You could tell by the way Isaac lingered that he wanted to continue the conversation, but you didn’t feel much like talking. Needing an exit, you excused yourself to go get a drink of water. 

Weaving through other soloists and members of the church choir, you made your way down one of the two hallways that flanked either side of the main sanctuary. You rounded the corner, where one of the members of your church’s worship band—Darian—was passing out programs for the event. 

“Hey! You ready for your solo?” he asked when he saw you. 

You smiled, breathing out a nervous laugh. “Yeah,” you said, scanning the stragglers still arriving for any sign of Noah. 

“I’d be nervous if I was on first,” he said. You took your eyes off the latecomers and looked to find him smiling encouragingly at you. 

“Yeah,” you said, shifting your weight awkwardly. “Isaac insisted for some reason that I open.” 

Your stomach sank even more. You couldn’t see Noah anywhere. 

“He mentioned it was because your song would set the tone for the evening,” said Darian, but you were only half-listening. “Do you want one of these?” 

You looked back at him. “What?”

He held out a program for you to take. “In case you wanted to keep it. For posterity, or scrapbooking or whatever.” 

“Yeah, sure,” you said, grabbing it without really thinking. 

Your emotional bandwidth had been all but used up, chest tight and head foggy. You felt bad that you weren’t really engaging in conversation, or even paying attention to it for that matter, but hoped Darian would forgive you. 

Sensing that you weren’t in the headspace to talk, Darian wished you luck and went back to handing out programs. You thanked him and continued walking across the foyer and down the opposite hallway with no real destination in mind. You were to go on in less than a minute. 

You shook your head, trying to get out of it and into your body. You needed to connect with your voice in order to perform, but you couldn’t seem to steady your breathing. 

The sanctuary was laid out in a rectangle, with the foyer lining the back, hallways with classrooms running the length of either side, and then a room behind the main stage, so from where you stood at the end of the hall, you could see through the windows of the doors to the stage that the lights had dimmed. 

Isaac walked out to the center of the stage from the hallway opposite you. A spotlight appeared on him, and with an abundance of charismatic charm, he thanked the audience that had gathered, before leading them in yet another prayer to bless the evening’s performance and to let God’s will be done. 

Throughout the entirety of his introduction, you’d zoned in and out. Your nerves ate at you, consuming your focus and leaving you feeling detached from your surroundings. 

You’d performed this song a dozen times at least, and in front of much of the same audience, too. You performed every week in front of the congregation on Sundays. Perhaps you’d struggled with stage fright at one point in your life, a decade ago when you were still fairly new to performing, but these days you were at-home in front of a microphone. 

And yet. 

Your knees shook. A cold sweat had broken out on the back of your neck, and your stomach clenched and released several times in quick succession. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, please enjoy O Holy Night, performed by my dear personal friend, and co-leader of our praise and worship team,” Isaac began. 

You heard your name being called, snapping you out of the haze. 

The audience applauded. Isaac gestured to the doorway opposite you, where he assumed you would be entering from. 

Taking a deep breath, you opened the door and walked to the center of the stage. Isaac turned when he heard the doors open, looking caught off-guard for a moment, but he recovered quickly, gesturing to you and clapping to signal to the audience that they should keep their applause going. 

He slowly backed away and gave you a double thumbs-up before exiting the stage. 

Recognizing you were still holding the program Darian had handed you, you clasped your hands behind your back and stepped up to the microphone. 

The soft piano intro played out over the loud speakers. You closed your eyes and inhaled deeply. 

O holy night,  

The stars are brightly shining,  

It is the night of our dear savior’s birth.  

The first note came out shaky. You’d pushed too hard with your diaphragm, allowing more air than was needed to pass through your vocal folds. You closed your eyes and focused on breath control, feeling the spotlight heat your skin. 

Long lay the world 

In sin and error pining  

‘till He appeared and the soul felt its worth.  

Back in the late 1843, a church in the south of France had its organ renovated. After the renovations were complete, the church reached out to a French poet by the name of Placide Cappeau, asking him to write a poem that could be used as a hymn. In response, Cappeau penned the first iteration of O Holy Night.  

Placide Cappeau was a known atheist.  

A thrill of hope. The weary world rejoices  

When the Catholic Church got wind of an atheist creating a Christmas carol, they did their best to bury the song. They claimed it lacked musical flavor. At the time, the idea of all men and women owning souls was highly radical. 

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.  

O Holy Night has since become one of the most popular Christmas carols known to western society, thanks in part to John Sullivan Dwight translating it to English in 1855. 

You knew this, because you’d written a history of the carol for an end-of-semester project back when you went to high school at Calvary Baptist. 

Fall on your knees. O hear the angel voices,  

At the time, you’d wondered how an atheist—someone who, in your mind, stood against everything you stood for, could write such a beautiful song that touched the hearts of you and so many others. 

O night, divine. O night, when Christ was born.  

How could someone with no connection to God write something that so clearly captures the essence of the Holy Spirit?

You chanced a look out at the crowd, once more searching for the familiar face you so wanted to see. The atheist who understood more about Christ’s love than so many in the church ever would, and found no sign of him. 

You squeezed your eyes shut, preparing for the high note that signaled the climax of the song. 

O night, O holy night. 

Your voice rang out, loud and with a pleasing vibrato you’d finally learned to control three years ago. You paused for effect. The music cut out, and you sang the last line. 

O night divine!  

It was over. You’d done it. The piano melody came back in for the closing notes, and you curtseyed elegantly as the crowd applauded. 

You exited through the same doors you entered, heading straight for the restroom so you could take a moment to yourself before you had to be back on stage in the choir for O Come All Ye Faithful.  

Placing your program on the sink counter, you ran your hands under cool water, intending to splash some on your face when a small blurb on the bottom of the pamphlet caught your eye. 

Collection plates will be passed around. Please help us save countless unborn lives by making a donation. 

Unborn lives. 

Isaac was donating the proceeds to a pro-life organization. 

You’d been unknowingly roped in to an anti-choice fundraiser. 

A wave of anger erupted from deep within you, washing over your entire body and pulsating through it. 

You snatched the program from the counter, storming out the bathroom, across the foyer, and to the adjacent hallway Isaac stood at the end of. 

“What the Hell, Isaac!?” you near-shouted, bounding toward him. 

Isaac’s eyes widened upon your approach. He took several steps back, running into two of the other choir members, but it wasn’t enough. You slammed the program into his sternum. 

“Whoa!” he said, grasping the program you’d thrust at him with one hand and holding the other out to keep you from coming any closer. “Where’s the fire?” 

“What is this?!” you said, stabbing the program on his chest with your finger where the blurb appeared. 

He looked at you bewildered, then down to where your index finger pushed into his chest, and then back to you like you were a mad woman. “We said we wanted to give the proceeds to charity.” 

“Yeah,” you said, ripping the program out of his hand and throwing it down at his feet. “Like a soup kitchen or a toy drive. Not to Life Alliance!” 

Isaac’s eyebrows pulled together in blatant confusion. “What’s better than saving innocent lives?” he said. 

“Oh my God,” you scoffed, not caring whether or not it counted as taking the Lord’s name in vain. 

 Suddenly all the air in the room felt like it had been vacuumed out and you found yourself struggling to breathe. 

Taking a step backwards, it dawned on you that this was your limit. The church had compressed you your entire life, and you’d finally reached your breaking point. “I can’t participate in this.” You said it not to Isaac, but to yourself. “I have to go.” 

“Hey! Hold on,” Isaac said. “You can’t leave. You’re our first soprano. We need you for the high G.” 

You shook your head, turning on your heel. You wouldn’t have been able to hit that note even if you wanted to with how your throat was constricting. 

“We can talk about this. Maybe we can do more than one charity,” he said, but you were already halfway down the hall, tears threatening to spill over. 

The heels you wore made it hard to run down the icy sidewalk, but run you did. Down the sidewalk, down the street. You didn’t stop running until you’d put several blocks between you and the church. 

You’d once thought of it as a sacred place—a home away from home. 

Now, the only time you felt at home in it was on Saturday mornings, sharing the space with two delinquents who didn’t even believe in God. 

Nowhere felt sacred anymore. 

Nowhere except the shed in the backyard of Jolly’s house. But you were cut off from that now, too. 

Where did you belong now?  __________ How are we all feeling after that? Also, if anyone has any artistic skills and would like to help me make a moldboard or a banner or something for this story, I would be forever grateful!

Taglist: @dem11, @starcrossedwasteland @alm0std3add @reyadawn @karenfranco, @glam-cherry-bomb @simpingforniragi, @koalakoala8, @themorticians-world, @sleepytoken99, @xmagdalenaxbrenaxorestes, @dark-mist666, @fuck-me-muke, @xmads-omensx, @just-randomm-stuff @spookychaosstranger, @gravitysembrace, @somebodyels3, @sundamariis, @noahsebastions, @cyber-tiny @livingdeceasedgirl @xxkittenkissesxx @treacheryinblue @flowerynerds @1toreyouapart @badomensls @rain-down-on-me @ilovemewwwww75 @poisongirl616 Click here to join the taglist!

[kaliforniahigh]

Medusa

Synopsis: Y/N is a dancer at a high end club in NYC called Medusa. Her clients consist of millionaires, guys who look for some fun using daddy's money and the occasional crime lords. The rules are clear and simple: she dances for them and they can't touch, kiss or ask for any information. Soon she finds out that as simple as the rules are to make, the simpler it is to break them, when one night, the person who commands the gun running business in NYC requires her service. To her defense, she wasn't aware of this information then, but looking back at it now, she is not sure it would've changed anything.

This idea kind of got stuck in my head since I made that post about Noah and stripper!reader. And it seems fitting that Noah is a crime boss in this one.

Would anyone be interested? I'm on vacation from work next week and will have more time on my hands to write this.

Also, the name of the club will make sense soon.

[veronicaphoenix]

zutto — chapter one | wc: 4.9k | series masterpost

chapter summary: lia refuses to stay in the hospital one more day and convinces noah to go back to los angeles.

tags and trigger warnings: best friends to lovers, mentions of an overdose, brief descriptions of it, ptsd, angst/comfort, vomiting, mentions of nightmares, breakdowns.

general trigger warnings: This work addresses and depicts issues related to addiction, abuse, & violence, contains explicit sexual content, and explores themes of childhood trauma. Reader discretion is advised. +18

“No,” Noah said.

            “But—”

            “I said no.”

            His reply was stern, hard. If Lia didn’t know him like the back of her hand, she would have been terrified by the way his features hardened as he repeated the word, resisting her plea to leave the hospital just a day after waking up. His gaze on her was severe, his eyes —usually warm and inviting— were cold and piercing as they bore into hers, as if trying to drill the seriousness of the situation into her. His jaw was clenched tightly, and a muscle ticked in his temple.

            His October eyes were filled with all the fear and pain of the past few days, and more than that: they also the carried the dread of what might come, of the dangers Lia could face if she left the hospital that day.

            Lia, who was the reason for all his fears.

            Lia, who was aware of it all.

            It didn’t matter if he ever forgave her: she would never forgive herself.

            Swallowing hard, Lia pressed her hands to the mattress to straighten herself a bit more, ignoring the crack of her back bones, if only to give Noah the same sense of seriousness she felt about leaving that place.

            “I just want to go home, Noah,” she murmured, her eyes pleading. “I need to go home.”

            She waited for his reaction, but Noah remained still. He stood in the middle of the room, still, lips pursed, hands nearly clenched at his sides. The only sign of his agitation was his increasingly rapid breathing.

            “Staying here will only make me sicker,” she continued. “I want to go home. Please.” At her pleading word, her voice diminished to a whisper, allowing the sounds of professionals and other patients outside the room to seep in, reminding her and Noah that they were not in a bubble where it was just the two of them.

            Not yet.  

            Tears welled up in her eyes again. She wasn’t lying—she felt sick, sicker than the day before. Two diseases resided within her, and she could distinguish them with painful clarity. One was the result of her overdose, leaving her weak, perpetually sleepy, struggling to retain information, and nauseous at the mere thought of food. The other was born from the hospital’s sterile smell, the constant reminder of why she was there, amplified by the pitying glances from doctors and nurses whenever they came in to check her vitals.

            She didn’t want to be there anymore. She wanted to go home and recover in the safety of her apartment’s walls. She needed to leave before she truly got worse.

            Noah was waging his own internal battle; battling against the powerful hold she had on him. He wasn’t sure he could ever deny her anything, especially not when she was so vulnerable, so in need of his care. He just wanted her to get better, and he would do anything to make that happen, even if it meant going against all reason and logic.

            He dropped his head, letting out a heavy, defeated sight. He wanted to hit something, in all honesty. He hated how easily she disarmed him, how effortlessly she did so.   

            He had watched her sleep most of the night, still trying to comprehend how she hadn’t complained about much despite her condition. It was as if she had accepted all the suffering she was enduring, as though she deserved it. Certainly, she was in pain. Dr. Dayal had mentioned that her body was slowly recovering but reminded them of many issues that still needed healing. She hadn’t mentioned feeling weak or having a headache. Nothing. Not until she told Noah she wanted to leave the hospital. He couldn’t decide whether to admire her strength, even after hitting rock bottom hours earlier, or to feel devastated at how he knew she was punishing herself internally.

            “Noah—”

            “All right,” he cut her off, rubbing his forehead. “I’ll ask Jolly to book the earliest flights and grab our things from the hotel,” he then redirected his gaze back to her. “But I’m going to ask the doctor to run another round of tests before they discharge you, and you’re going to let them, understood?”

            Lia nodded, knowing that if she fought him on this, it would only take Dr. dayal’s insistence on her staying a few more days to change Noah’s mind.

            Once it was settled, Noah slumped back into the armchair where he had spent his last three days. He was exhausted. Lia would have reached out to touch his hair if the space between the bed and his seat hadn’t been so vast. It wasn’t just her that needed to go home—he needed it just as much.

            The tour had just finished, and he was stuck in a hospital room in another state, far from home. He hadn’t had the time to rest or sleep. He hadn’t even showered since they’d been there. So, when Lia suggested he use the ensuite bathroom and wash up, Noah diligently complied, aware that he indeed needed a shower, and he might feel a bit better afterward. After all, Lia was awake, and she was okay; awake. She was back with him, and this time, he wouldn’t let her stray any farther than the steps that separated the bed and the shower.

Despite Noah’s futile efforts to stay in Illinois for a few more days to ensure Lia’s recovery, stubborn as she was even in her condition, they left the hospital and found themselves at the airport not even twenty-four hours after her discharge and merely two hours after she had met the boys.

            Th moment the Nicks and Jolly entered the hospital room, Noah had been forced to leave, overwhelmed by the emotional weight of the scenario unfolding.

            Jolly held Lia against his chest as she cried, clutching his jacket and repeating the same words over and over: “Sorry. Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Jolly cradled her, and so did Nicholas after. When Noah stepped outside, a heavy feeling crushing his chest, he found Folio pacing around, biting his nails. He was still scared, still consumed by nightmares, haunted by the sigh of Lia lying on the hotel room floor, white foam at her mouth.

            Noah and Nick acknowledged each other silently. Noah gestured towards the room with a nod, and nick, gathering his courage, entered.  

            Lia raised her head from Nicholas’ shoulder, and immediately let go of one Nick to crash into the arms of the other one, though it wasn’t clear who was holding whom. Lia and Nick cried together. From outside, Noah could hear their sobs, Nick’s voice telling her that she had no right to put them through this, to hurt them like this, while Lia apologized again and again, sobbing harder than the day Noah had brought her home from Mitch’s apartment.

            But as angry and hurt as Nick was, he didn’t let go, and held onto her because she had always been one of his dearest friends, the closest thing he had ever had to a sister.

            As the hours passed, the consequences of her actions sank deeper into Lia’s consciousness. She had not only plunged herself into darkness but had also dragged every person who loved her along. Even though she was safe for now, she knew you couldn’t just offer yourself to Death and then pull your hand away, expecting to play the game by your own rules.

            Once alone with Noah in the room again, Lia steadied herself by leaning against the bed, her gaze lost on the white tiles of the floor. She was still wearing the hospital gown and plain black underwear underneath. Her head was spinning slightly, and she wasn’t sure if she could handle the airport hustle and the trip back home. She only knew she didn’t want to spend another minute in the hospital, surrounded by reminders of mortality. It didn’t matter that Noah was looking at her with eyes that begged her to reason, to stay for a couple more days and let the professionals ensure she was truly okay.  

            Lia simply didn’t want to be there.          

            “Do you need to lie down again?” Noah’s arm was already extended toward her as he saw her lose balance. Lia’s eyes met his, and she shook her head.

            “I just need to get home,” she whispered.

            Noah’s shoulders dropped as a sigh escaped his lips. After a few seconds, he took two steps toward her, ready to stand in front of her, to move the hair away from her face and to hold her.

            They held each other’s gaze for a while, Lia’s hands clutching the same bedsheets that had covered her weak body the previous days. Why did it suddenly feel hard to swallow with Noah standing in front of her, looking at her like that?

            He was looking at her like a boy whose heart had been broken, like a boy who blamed himself for every bad thing that had happened—for every bad thing that had happened to her.

            She felt a rush of tears returning.

            If she didn’t make it home soon, she would just crash in his arms and be unable to pull herself together.  

            Before his hand could touch her face, Lia pleaded: “Please, let’s go home.”

            The tremble in her voice, the brokenness, could have brought Noah to his knees.

            He nodded fervently, and a moment later, Lia was in his arms, her hands clutching his t-shirt while his found their way through her tangled hair, pressing her head against his shoulder. His other arm wrapped around her middle, determined to keep her from ever straying far from him again.

The hours of waiting at the airport were worse than Lia had anticipated. Part of her knew she should have listened to Noah, that she shouldn’t have argued when he insisted on making sure she was ready for the hustle and bustle of travel less than three days after an overdose. But another part of her –the one that felt most lost and hurt— longed for the safety of her small apartment, the comfort of her bed, and the sense of isolation provided by her four walls. There, she could cry and scream without anyone noticing, without anyone appearing at the door with a medical report and administering another dose of who-knows-what to calm her down.

            She missed her bed, her plants, her books, the view from her balcony, and the breeze that slipped through and rustled the curtains whenever she left the door open and a slight gust of wind swept in to caress her cheeks. Lia had blocked out the traumatic images and memories of the last few days by projecting images of her apartment and the happy moments she had lived there.

            As she watched Noah lean over the counter of the airport’s only Starbucks to order drinks for everyone, she recalled one of the last times Noah had been at her apartment. They had spent a couple of hours on the couch, each with their MacBook on their lap, working on a song that now remained safely stored on Noah’s hard drive. That day, they had eaten together. They’d prepared a vegan lasagna after shopping for ingredients and following a random recipe they found online. After eating, they cleaned up together, and Noah walked around the apartment for a while with a kitchen towel draped over his shoulder, commenting on how full he felt. Lia had bitten her lip from her spot still in the kitchen, imagining how wonderful it would be to see him like that every day—so relaxed and happy, so... at home. The only problem was that that wasn’t his home; it was hers, and entertaining that idea was simply dangerous. Their time of sharing a home had passed.

            Yet, in a few hours, she would have her best friend back in her home, in her kitchen, in her living room.

            She had almost lost herself in that hotel room where she would never set foot in again, but the worst part had been nearly losing Noah. She had come close to losing a chance with him. The chance of a life by his side.

            Lia almost smiled despite the pain still gnawing at her insides and the weakness enveloping her, but as soon as Noah turned around, her attempt at a smile faded. The dark circles under Noah’s almond-shaped eyes had deepened in the last few hours, and his entire body reflected his exhaustion: his dejected expression, greasy hair, slumped shoulders, and the way he seemed to drag his feet as he moved.

            “Chamomile,” he said when he returned to the row of chairs where Lia waited, along with the two Nicks and the pile of backpacks they carried with them.

            With a small, gentle smile, Lia thanked him and took the hot drink from his hand. Dr. Dayal had recommended she avoid coffee and strong beverages for the next few days. Despite the doctor’s reluctance to discharge her, he had no choice but to let her leave.

            “Be careful. It’s hot,” Noah warned.

            As soon as his hands were free, Lia noticed how Noah put his sunglasses back on as he took a seat across from her, sinking into the uncomfortable chair.

            During the taxi ride from the hospital to the airport, he had been silent, only speaking to give directions to the driver and responding to questions with monosyllables or short phrases that didn’t invite further conversation.

            Jolly had taken care of collecting both Lia’s and Noah’s belongings from the hotel, though he waited for the cleaning service to go through Lia’s room first. Having grown up with a group of friends where alcohol, tobacco, and even drugs were never lacking, he never thought he would find himself in a situation like this, where one of the people closest to him would experience something so harrowing. He was not prepared to relive the image of Lia in Noah’s arms, unconscious, convulsing, losing herself and everyone who loved her.

            The only comfort Jolly found in the whole situation was that the nightmare wasn’t just haunting him; it was haunting everyone.

            With a long inhalation, Lia brought the Starbucks cup to her lips, holding it with both hands because she knew her strenght wasn’t back yet, and the last thing she needed at that moment was to spill a hot drink on herself. She took a small sip and savored the sensation of the liquid sliding down her throat. Around her, the bustle of the airport continued. Nicholas was talking to Matt on the phone, informing him that they would soon board and be home in a few hours. Nick had his headphones on and was trying to pretend nothing had happened while humming a song and bouncing his leg to its rhythm. Lia took a second sip, her eyes peering over the cup at Noah. He had changed clothes but was still wearing a loose hoodie and his white sneakers. With his sunglasses on, Lia couldn’t tell if his eyes were closed, if he was looking at something specific, or if he was looking straight at her.

            At that moment, a wave of nausea hit her again. Despite having eaten nothing more than a plain yogurt since leaving the hospital, she knew she was about to vomit.

            Her eyes widened in alarm as she bent down, struggling to place the chamomille tea on the floor, the only surface available. She barely registered Jolly calling her name or Noah’s figure urgently following her as she bolted to the nearest restroom.

            Stumbling into the bathroom, she collided with a woman’s shoulder. Lia wasn’t concerned with the words she might get from her, though a few seconds later, she heard the woman’s raised voice declaring that men were not allowed in that restroom.

            By the time Lia was kneeling by the airport toilet, holding her hair away from her face with one hand and gripping the seat with the other, Noah was beside her. He gently took her hair from her hand and held it back for her.

            He soothed her with soft words while she retched, oblivious to the open door and the young girls looking on with a face contorted by yuck. Noah would have told them to fuck off if it weren’t because his utter attention was on Lia.

            When her retching subsided, giving way to her heavy breathing and watery eyes, Noah tucked another loose strand of hair back behind her ear with gentle fingers and waited for Lia to straighten up.

            She did so right after flushing the toilet. Noah tore some paper from the roll and handed it to her. Her barely audible thank you got lost amid the sound of the water flushing, taking away the bile that had come out of her and the little chamomile tea she had drank. Such a waste, she thought.

            “It’s okay,” she heard Noah say beside her.

            Confusion stirred within her as he suddenly grasped her wrist, and she realized he was trying to get her black hairband out. She allowed him to proceed, and a minute later, he had deftly tied her messy hair into a bun.

            With a supportive hand on her waist, he helped her stand. Lia braced herself against the fragile wall separating the other cubicle. She spent a moment regaining her breath and composure. She wanted to lean on Noah, to let him carry her out of there and onto the plane, but the tranquility she craved wouldn’t come so easily, at least not until she was finally home.

            Turning her head toward him, her eyes still watery from the ordeal of vomiting, she asked if he could retrieve her toothbrush and toothpaste from her backpack. She didn’t need to specify where it was; he knew she kept her toiletries in a denim bag adorned with Lilo & Stitch, a souvenir from a trip to Disneyland a few years back.

            Sending a furious look to the girls still staring, he made sure Lia could stand on her own before leaving.

            A minute later, the girls were gone and Lia was alone in the bathroom. Noah returned with her toiletry bag and a bottle of water. He watched Lia as she tried to regain a sense of normalcy. After spending a few quiet minutes looking at her reflection in the mirror, Noah said: “Just a few more hours and we’ll be home.”

            She tried to send a smile his way, but all she could do was keep staring at the pain etched all over his face.

Once settled in her window seat, with Noah still standing in the aisle as he set their backpacks in the overhead compartment, her eyes landed on the buildings in the distance. No matter the buzzing sound of the plane’s engine and the chatter of the people on board, she felt distant from everyone and everything. Her eyes grew heavy, threatening to close in a matter of minutes. She knew she could never look back at this city the same way again. Her past, chasing her until the present, had put a stain to this place. She wondered if she would ever be able to come back with the boys, if Noah would ever want to perform here again, or if the memory of what had happened would forever taint the city.  

            As the skyline shrank into a thin line below, Lia felt herself drifting away, her eyelids heavy, her stomach still unsettled. Her mind was wandering to places. Her throat was dry, and she knew she should drink some water before sleep took over, but she couldn’t bring herself to speak. As she sank deeper into her seat, her eyes fell to her lap. She watched her own hand move toward the seat next to her, where Noah was now sitting. His arm rested on the armrest, his hand hanging off the edge.

            Her fingertips touched his palm first, and then, slowly, her fingers intertwined with his.

            Noah’s heart skipped a beat as he watched Lia’s hand —small compared to his— wrap around his. She felt warm, and he wondered if she had a fever. He was about to ask, but when he peered away from their intertwined fingers to her, he realized she wasn’t looking at him.

            Within moments, her head gently leaned onto his shoulder. A long exhale escaped him. His chest sank, lips parted, and shoulders dropped. With his thumb, he tenderly caressed the back of Lia’s hand, noticing the subtle change in her breathing. It was calmer now. She had fallen asleep.  

            The knot in his throat wasn’t receding, though. It might not persist for days, lingering until he could replace the memory of Lia unconscious in his arms with something brighter. He wasn’t sure what awaited them upon landing in Los Angeles. The doctor had warned of tough days ahead, possibly worsening during Lia’s withdrawal process. Noah wasn’t looking forward to anymore worsening. He’d had enough. Yet, he was willing to weather any storm if it meant bringing her back, or even a stronger, better version of Lia.  

            Allowing himself to envision a moment of calm and joy with Lia once they reached her apartment, he pressed his lips to her hair.

            It wasn’t a kiss. It was just a touch, the gentle, soft pressure of his lips against her hair, and the relief that always washed over him when he touched her; the reassurance that she was there beside him, and that she was okay. Or at least, that she would be.

Most of her plants had died.

            During her absence, Lia’s flowers had wilted. Maybe because they’d been neglected in the weeks she was away, or perhaps because they had sensed Lia drifting away, and the same sadness that now filled Noah had also filled Lia’s plants. They didn’t want to live without her, just as Noah couldn’t bear to live without his best friend, without the girl he loved. The only difference was that no one could save them now. Noah had appeared on time to save his Lia, but Lia was too late to save her plants.

            Tears burst forth the moment Noah and Lia stepped into her living room, her only bag dropping to the floor.

            In an instant, Noah was holding her, cradling her head against his chest as he shushed her, desperate to comfort her despite the circumstances.

            But it didn’t matter that they were finally home, that they were finally alone, away from the noise, away from the people, away from the triggers. There was no way they could stay away from the pain. They carried it within.

            Noah had thought it a good idea to get an Uber from the airport to her apartment. Matt had come to pick them all up, but Noah considered that driving home and having to get Lia through the inevitable hassle of reaching the house and dealing with well-meaning men hovering around wouldn’t aid her condition. So, Noah arranged the ride, finally bringing Lia back to her flat.

            Her crying, however, wasn’t solely for her dead plants and the fallen, dried leaves strewn about. Her tears also fell for the empty alcohol bottles and pill blisters littering the space, remnants of the past days, of her life, of every internal wound bleeding, of the person she once was—the same person that had taken Noah to the edge.

            “Hey,” Noah whispered, reaching for her face. She buried her face in his hoodie, muffling her sobs. “Hey,” he urged, tilting her chin to meet his eyes. “We’re home. We’re finally home.” Her lip trembled. She looked so small and vulnerable. She wanted to say something, but her voice failed her. Noah continued, “we’re home and we’re going to be okay, all right?”

            She wanted to believe him so desperately, but she didn’t trust herself, and she didn’t want to break his heart anymore. She wanted to take care of it, to take care of himself. But she needed to heal first, and she didn’t know how long that would take.  

            “Why don’t you go take a shower?” Noah suggested, his thumb brushing down her temple. “I’ll clean this up, and when you’re out, I’ll have a movie ready. We can order takeout and spend the rest of the day on the sofa. Sounds good?” He tried to smile, really tried. But his words didn’t seem to have any effect on Lia, so he couldn’t bring himself to cheer up, either.

            Nonetheless, after a moment or two, Lia nodded and let go of the tight grip she’d had on him.

            As she disappeared down the hallway, Noah turned around to face the mess. He wasn’t sure he would be able to deal with it on his own, but he had no other choice.

            He moved their suitcases to Lia’s room while the shower ran in the apartment’s only bathroom. Shedding his hoodie, Noah efficiently gathered all the glass bottles, empty cans, and plastic blisters. He planned to handle the recycling tomorrow, for now stowing everything discreetly in bags where Lia wouldn’t see.

            In just fifteen minutes, he completed the task—sweeping the floor and collecting scattered dry leaves. Apart from this, Lia’s apartment remained exactly as he remembered: not minimalist, but tidy and organized. It was a space he had always adored.

            Memories flooded back of the day they had visited this same apartment together. Lia had brimmed with excitement about having her own place. Despite Noah’s sadness at the fact that his best friend wouldn’t live with him anymore, he had shared in her joy. Lia was blossoming into the independent, strong woman she was meant to be, and Noah cherished every moment.

            Succumbing to a wave of sorrow, Noah sank onto the sofa, elbows on knees, hands covering his mouth. His eyes scanned the room, eventually resting on a frame hanging in the hallway. It contained a drawing they had created as children, during one of those endless summer days spent together in his grandparents’ house. In the picture, Lia had depicted Noah with long stick legs and a wide grin, while Noah had drawn Lia as a diminutive figure with a flower crown on her head. It seemed they had both unknowingly known the tall man he would become, and the thought stirred a yearning within him, making him wonder about all the small details that had escaped them while they grew up, every single thing that Grandma knew about them and that they had laughed off.  He would make sure to ask her once he was in Japan. He wanted answers. He needed them.

            For now, he would remain in Lia’s apartment, enveloping himself in the familiar embrace of her walls and taking comfort in artifacts that not only chronicled her life, but the one they had built together; the life they had built together as kids and then as young adults; a life they’d been building since they were mere six and seven-year-olds, two kids oblivious to the obstacles ahead,  of every moment of ecstasy and misery, of love and pain.  

            The sound of running water ceased. Noah’s eyes were fixated on the hallway leading to Lia’s room. There was a churned mix of frustration, temptation, and longing inside of him. He wanted to get up and rush to her, drag her out of the shower, press her against a wall, and kiss her until the fervor might somehow mend the wounds within her.

            But he couldn’t.

            Minutes stretched agonizingly, the bouncing of his right left joining the ticking of the clock on the wall.

            When Lia appeared a while later, she halted in her tracks upon seeing Noah on the sofa, looking as if he was going to be sick, eyes rimmed red, watery, and a pulse throbbing visibly on his neck.  

            She swallowed hard.

            “Noah?” She asked softly, tentatively.  

            His eyes had been fixated on her since she stepped into the living room, the sweet scent of vanilla trailing in her wake. She wore cotton shorts and a plain t-shirt, her damp hair cascading over her chest. She looked thinner than he remembered, and perhaps it was that realization which struck him hard, pushing him to the brink as he began to shake his head.

            “Don’t ever do this to me again,” he said, voice quivering, barely audible, cracking, breaking. “I beg you. Don’t this to me again, Lia. Ever again. Please. Please, I beg you.”

            And just like that, the tears and sobs surged fort, uncontrollably.

            The intensity that his own words overwhelmed him. He buried his face in his hands, unable to contain the anguish, every cry and sob echoing through him as his chest heaved.  

            Only nine feet away, Lia turned pale, frozen momentarily, processing the image of Noah breaking down in front of her like never before. Then, she hurried to him. She knelt between his legs, her hands prying his from his face as tears streamed down her own cheeks, as she asked for forgiveness, for mercy. She pressed her face against his lap, clutching his torso tightly as Noah leaned into her, holding her close in any way he could. Their cries mingled together, filling the apartment with their shared pain, the only sound that mattered in that moment.

— prev. chapter | chapter two

I cannot express my gratitude at each of you that has been patient with me and with lia and noah's story. I hope you enjoyed the chapter and that you didn't cry too much (I did every single time I reread it to revise). We're back to regular updates, be it every week or every couple of weeks, but I promise to deliver the rest of this story during the coming months x

[deathblacksmoke]

24, 78, 64 w/ your sworn enemy noah who’s always getting under your skin but this time he just went to far ://

- @somebodyels3

24. “I’m going to jerk you off until I get every last drop out of you.” 64. “I am going to do what I want with you and you’re going to lay there and take it, understood?” 78. “What did you say to me? Do you want to try that again?”

okay. had to crack the laptop open for this one.

content warnings: hate sex, douchebag noah lol, fuck buddies who hate each other's guts, overstimulation, these two fucks being annoying for absolutely no reason at all :) non-band au

****

It's always much of the same with Noah, plucking at your nerves until you have no choice but to snap. He delights in your short fuse, giggling like a toddler, while you curse whatever came over your boss that made her think he was an appropriate hire.

You curse yourself for letting him into your bed over and over again.

There's not much that prepares you for tonight, having been running the bar alone for the entirety of the day into the early evening, when he tries you at the exact wrong time on the exact wrong day.

"Can you do your job once in your fucking life?" he mumbles under his breath, lugging in a keg and only struggling slightly. You can feel as your blood boils beneath your skin.

"What did you say to me? Do you want to try that again?"

The patrons sitting at the bar are regulars, and you don't want to cause a scene, but you can't fucking stand the way he speaks that way to you so effortlessly.

"I said," he starts, taking a deep breath like he's trying to choose his words wisely. He doesn't. "It wouldn't kill you to help me for once."

Your shoulders tense as you turn your back to him. It takes all of your strength not to walk out, call your boss on the way to your car and quit. Say you're done. Say it's either Noah or you.

You take a deep breath and keep your back to him for the rest of the night. You've gotten through worse nights than this.

"Come to mine when you're off," you whisper in his ear as you leave for the night. You know him well enough to know he'll be at your door in 3 hours flat.

****

It's 2 hours and 58 minutes later when he knocks meekly at your door, texts you an I'm here.

You drag him to your bed and climb on top of him, allowing him to pull your head down to his but denying his kiss. You delight in the way his eyes go wide, a mixture of confusion and hurt. Good.

“I am going to do what I want with you and you’re going to lay there and take it, understood?” He's quick to nod and you almost feel soft for him. Almost. "I don't like the way you talked to me tonight."

"I'm sorry," he says in a way that's uncharacteristically bashful. If you hadn't known any better, you would believe him.

You despise the way you grow soft for him when he doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve to be graced with your presence, to lie in your bed, but he's so pretty beneath you that you don't know what else to do. You adjust yourself in his lap and feel him already hard beneath you. It takes all your power to not roll your eyes into the back of your skull, let him take you how you normally do.

Instead, you slide back to his thighs, unbutton his jeans and take his cock in your hand. You need something different tonight, something to think back to later, to reference and embarrass him next time he tests you.

“I’m going to jerk you off until I get every last drop out of you.”

By the third time you let him cum, he's a whimpering, whining mess, writhing under your weight in a way that makes your stomach swoop. You've completely forgotten about using it to humiliate him later, unable to help yourself when you kiss the salty tears away from his cheeks.

You'll let him sleep next to you, play with his hair and let him hold you, both pretending for tonight that you don't want the other dead. It always happens, and he always leaves you cold and empty the next morning. You stop yourself from wondering if he feels the same.

[cowpokeomens]

Thinking bout swole Noah being insecure bc he’s so buff that he has stretch marks now :-/ had a hard time gaining weight then gained muscle really quickly and one day they’re just there :-/ at first he’s sad bc he went from being insecure abt being so thin to being insecure abt having stretch marks and it feels like there’s no winning but then he realizes how easy it is to toss you around and he decides he doesn’t actually care!

[lolitasangel]

Midnight Picnic date- Noah

Comfort and fluff

Good morning/evening/night everyone, I hope you enjoy this, I woke up this morning and thought about writing some fluff for once

Enjoy🫶🏼 (not proof read)

Noah had been working non-stop since he had been home. You were not happy that he wasn’t resting when he should be. Day and night, he was in the studio working and working. You knew it was starting to take a toll on him, so you decided that you were gonna take him on a midnight date.

Walking upstairs to the studio you poke your head into the studio, gently knocking on the door

“You can come in,baby” you slowly open the door, looking up at Noah, he was sitting in his chair in his at home studio, hand on his forehead, clearly trying to rub the migraine he had away. Noah was wearing a bad omens hoodie, and some anime sweatpants, looking up at you, seeing the dark circles around his eyes, the little twinkle in his eye that used to shine so bright and full of life, has been dulled out.

Walking over, putting your hands on his shoulders, sitting down on Noah’s lap, straddling him in the chair, you pull him close to your chest. Playing with his hair gently, you could feel him slowly relax, pulling you closer to him, afraid you might disappear from him.

“I made some food to take on a picnic, you need to take a break, you have been working non-stop, and I haven’t seen you take one break since you’ve been here.”

Noah looked up at you, giving you a tired smile. There was no room for argument, he slowly nodded his head, “I’m sorry, love. I just want to get this done with so we can spend more time together”

You both understood that he wasn’t being a hermit and hiding away on purpose but that wasn’t gonna stop you from taking care of your boy though.

You get up from his lap, grabbing his hand, tugging him gently with you, you walk down the hall to the kitchen, grabbing the basket with snacks, and a blanket, you look up at him. “I wanna have a midnight picnic with you”

Noah flashed you a smile, “okay, baby, what ever my princess wants, she gets” you gave him a nod and a smile.

Making your way to the back yard, Noah laid down the blanket for, taking the basket from your hands and setting it down.

You both sit down, feeling the midnight breeze blow past you both, you look up at him, already meeting his gaze, you took one more bite of your food, confused you tilted your head

“I just love you, that’s all” blushing you look down not meeting his gaze “I love you, Noah” you always got so shy when he said he loved you.

After you finished you snack Noah pulled you close into his arms, pulling you down with him on the blanket.

Laying on his chest, you took a deep breath in, you always got a little nervous around him, you’ve been together for a while but he always knew how to keep you on your toes, and make you feel giddy again.

“Look! A shooting star” Noah called, pointing at the sky. You look up at him and the star, squinting your eyes, confused, you look back at him

“Noah? Baby? That’s an airplane” Noah’s mouth dropping wide open, in shock and betrayal “no, that has to be a shooting star” giggling you pull Noah up towards you, sitting and looking up, you grab him gently and say “no, that’s an airplane baby”

Realizing that you were right, he chuckled in embarrassed “I could’ve sworn it was a star” he pouted looking at you, you’ve always loved the way he pouted, he always looked so adorable, you giggled while pulling him close to you, sitting in his lap now. “it can be whatever you want, baby”

Noah wrapped his arms around you waist, breathing your perfume in, “I love you, princess, thank you for doing this”

You gave him a kiss and pulled him back into a hug,

“Wait!” Pulling away from you. “What about that one?!” Pointing up at the sky

“Nope, still an airplane,baby” this night you realized Noah couldn’t tell the difference between an airplane at night and a shooting star.

You thought it was the cutest thing in the world.

——————

I hope you enjoyed this.

I’ve been rewriting and rewriting chapter four of Break Up because my mind is not happy with the way it’s written right now so I wanted to write some fluff you know?

Anyways I hope you enjoyed this, and have a good morning/evening/night

-LP

[bluestdai]

✦ toys and a doll

noah just wants to play with you and turn you into a muted doll before he fucks you with his cock..

you're on your bed, laying on your back, fully naked. you have no idea what he wants to do, all you know is that he told you to strip, get on the bed and wait for him; and you've been waiting, for a long time now.. staring at the ceiling is driving you crazy cause your brain won't and can't stop thinking about what exactly noah is planning on doing.

"you're ready for me?" he walks to the room with a little smile

"i've been ready for a while now" you sound like you're mad at him for making you wait so long and well, you kinda are.

"be careful there, it's not a good time to act so bratty right now" he says as he walks towards you, holding a box.

"what is that?" this is the first time you're seeing this box.

"we're gonna do something different tonight, i think you'll like it" he runs his hands on your thighs, "now give me your pretty hands, " a few seconds you're in the happy baby pose, your wrists and ankles are tied together -with the rope he got from his box- and your thighs are wide open.

"what are we doing?" you ask noah, you feel like you have a hint of what's about to happen but you're not sure really.

"we're gonna have fun and you're gonna be a good girl for me, okay?" he asks as he runs a finger on your exposed core, you clench your muscles but your legs are so far apart that it doesn't feel like you did anything. you nod yes and watch him open his box. he takes out a few vibrators in different sizes and shapes, a plug and a few other things that you can't see clearly cause he's blocking your view.

"we're gonna use those?" you ask.

"i am.. you just lay there and be my good little doll, no need to do anything. i want to see how good you can be for me" your core gets warmer with every word he speaks. he turns to you and brings a few of those stuff and throws them on the bed.

"look at that, a little impatient aren't you?" he touches your cunt that is now throbbing and plays with your entrance that is leaking.

noah picks one of the smaller vibrators, puts it on medium strength and slowly slids it inside your cunt, you moan the second you feel the vibration on yourself. "right there" he says when he pushes it deep inside you and your cunt swallows the toy, "you're just perfect".

then picks up the plug, puts lube on it and fills your ass with it. you whine as it enters your body, you try to relax your muscles but being tied like this doesn't let you do that.

"you're doing great, relax for me" he caress your inner thighs.

a ball gag is the next things he picks up and puts in your mouth, "god, you look beautiful" he says after fastening the gag around your jaw.

he sits on the bed in front of you and gently caresses your thighs, you're still feeling the vibrator inside you and with every touch you moan involuntary.

noah spits on your cunt and spreads his saliva with his fingers on you, circling your clit and shoving the vibrator deeper inside you with his thumb makes you whine louder and when he stops touching you, you whimper in protest.

"look at you, all of your holes are full. not even one left for my cock and you want more??" he says as he pinches your clit, "this isn't enough? you want more? needy sooo needy" he continues playing with you to get more whines out of you.

"i'll give you more don't worry" he takes out his dick and strokes it a few times, spits on your core again and starts rubbing it with his tip. the warmness of his tip feels so comforting. but he's not planning on comforting you tonight, he picks another vibrator off the bed, puts it on max speed and presses on your swollen clit, you whine and feel like you can't stop. "you sound like a lost puppy, so pretty" he presses the vibrator on your clit even harder.

he rubs his cock on your inner thighs and feeling the its soft skin on your skin makes you dizzy, you need it inside you more than anything.

"i want to fuck your little holes so bad, i really do, but there's nothing left for me" he says as he stretches your cunt with both thumbs. "you think i'll fit here?" he ask you and you nod yes, the vibrator still on your clit and you can barely control your muscles from shaking so fast, "i think you're forgetting how much i have to stretch you to fit inside, and there's already a toy inside.." he pouts and presses the vibrator harder on your clit when he sees your eyes roll back. your toes curl, your legs shake, your vision goes blurry when you reach your orgasm.

"there she is.. my pretty girl" he caresses your face as the vibrator still vibrates inside you.

"want more?" you cant really answer but you know he's gonna give you more.

he puts two fingers inside your cunt and takes out the vibrator, kisses your cunt a few times and spits on it again and in one move his cock is inside you. you feel his balls clapping on your core with his deep thrusts.

he put the vibrator on your clit again and you start whimpering from the overstimulation, your vision goes blurry but this time because tears are forming, a lot of them.

"do you like this more?" he shouldn't be waiting for an answer when there's tears and drool running down your face.

he unties the ball gag and asks you again, "if you don't like it just tell me" and he pounds into you harder, "you can't talk? aww" he thrusts get faster and faster. he pusher your legs -and hands- further away from eachother to force you to make sounds that you've never made before.

your tears won't stop coming and you feel your second orgasm coming, he feels your grip around his cock getting tighter, so he plays takes away the vibrator from your clit, "not before i fill your pretty cunt"

he does what he says he's gonna do, filling you up with his load and then spreading it all over your cunt. he puts the vibrator on your clit -that is covered in a layer of his cum now- and shoves a dildo inside your hole again. you cum immediately and keep crying.

"fucked my sweet baby too dumb? don't cry we're done now" he unties you and messages your wrists and ankles.

"you did so good for me" he wipes sway your tears with his thumb, "you know how pretty you look right now?"

you blush at his words, "there's my pretty baby with her pink cheeks" he caresses your flushed cheeks.

"can we rest a little?" you ask him, your spent body feels like it needs to days worth of sleep.

"of course we can baby, we can lay here as long as you like" he kisses your forehead.

[concreteangel92]

Acting up

Noah Sebastian x fem!reader

18+

Warnings: spanking, clit spanking, dom/sub relationship, oral (m&f receiving) PiV sex, over simulation, aftercare of course

A/N: so I got this idea into my head last week and just had to bring it to life!

Apart from the small writing I uploaded the other day, this is my first proper one shot and deffo the first smut I’ve done in about 7/8 years so I felt incredibly rusty and have prayed that this turned out ok haha I’ve re-read and changed things so many times in the last week 😂 but after finally feeling more or less happy with it, here we are and I hope you enjoy!!

Masterlist

You knew you were in trouble, you’d been winding Noah up all day at an important work event.

Noah hadn’t long been home from yet another tour, but he’d hardly paid you any attention over the last couple days, he was either sleeping or working in his studio and although you love and support everything he does and you understood work has to come first sometimes, you were feeling incredibly needy now.

So you started off small, you wore a dress that left little the imagination. I’m talking bending over too far and everyone sees everything kind of dress to which Noah wasn’t impressed.

“You’re not wearing that to the event.”

“Yes I am.”

Noah’s eyes locked with yours and he had an irritated expression on his face.

“No, you’re not! I’m not having every persons eyes on my girls ass all night because she can’t be bothered to dress appropriately. The car is already outside, I’ll meet you in there. Go change, now.”

You turned away and headed to your shared bedroom with a small smirk on your face, he was too easy to wind up. Instead of changing the dress, you put a long coat over the dress to give the impression you’d changed and jumped into the car.

Noah, having been on his phone texting the whole journey, didn’t seem to notice anything until you arrived at the party, it was full of his management team, the rest of the band, friends, crew, you name it and they were there. Drinks were being served, music was blasting out and everyone appeared to be having a good time already.

You slipped your coat off when you walked into the main room, all eyes were immediately on you but Noah’s became dark.

“What did I say back at home?”

“Can’t remember to be honest”

Noah stood very close to you and put his hand firmly on your upper arm. “I need you to behave yourself tonight.”

All you heard in your mind was “test me more.”

You smiled up at him sweetly, playing the innocent and said “I always behave baby, especially at such an important event.”

Noah gave you a firm look but relaxed his grip on your arm and he let his fall around your waist to guide you around while he mingled.

The night seemed to go well, Noah became a bit more relaxed and was enjoying himself and never strayed too far from your side, often you felt yourself leaning into him, his hand always rubbing small circles on your side absentmindedly. Noah wasn’t someone who displayed massive amounts of affection in public but he loved to always have you in touching distance. And he probably wanted to hide how short your dress was from prying eyes as best as he could.

You let Noah do his thing for a few hours before you started to become impatient, and you knew Noah better then anyone and knew he would be drained by now, he doesn’t do well in big crowds of people and avoids them unless he has to for work, so you decided it was time to start upping the game.

A few throw away comments or jokes at his expense is how it started, your particular favourite was when you offered to grab a drink for him and Jolly but only returned with two and you started to drink one yourself.

“Did you get my drink babe?”

“You have legs right? Do what comes after February….March”

Noah tensed next to you every time and then when you both walked over to both the Nick’s and Jolly who had excused themselves to the sofas, you knew it was time.

You said hello and sat yourself right next to Jolly and Folio which meant Noah had no choice but to sit with Nick opposite you on the other sofa, Noah looked a bit disappointed as there was room for both of you but that look didn’t last long.

After glancing around and making sure that Ruffilo wasn’t watching, you uncrossed your legs and opened them up just enough for Noah to realise that you hadn’t got any underwear on tonight. Noah’s face instantly hardened and he glared straight at you, you couldn’t help but smile and giggle quietly to yourself as you knew this was it, Noah would never let you get away with this, you could feel yourself growing wetter just at the thought of what he’s going to do when you’re alone.

Jolly turned to you after hearing your giggle and said “what’s got you giggling?”

You crossed your legs back over and replied with “oh….erm I was just thinking that if it rains tonight, I don’t have a hood or umbrella so I’d end up getting very wet tonight”

Jolly looked ever so slightly confused but commented back that he didn’t believe it was forecasted to rain. You looked back over to Noah with a smile and you watched as his jaw clenched and his eyes were dark, he gave a very menacing look in your direction at the comment you’d made, he suddenly cleared his throat and jumped up.

“On that note guys I’m not feeling very well, I think I’m going to call it a night now, come on y/n.”

Ruffilo looked concerned “you alright man?”

Noah didn’t take his eyes off you “bad headache”

You stood up and fixed your dress, you smiled at the guys and said goodbye, Noah made certain to pass you your coat and grabbed your hand very firmly and said under his breath “we’ll talk about this at home.”

The ride home was silent, Noah’s grip hasn’t left your hand, and although it was starting to hurt slightly, it was simply causing you to ache elsewhere. You knew Noah was extremely angry, you’d technically crossed a line and was playing up in front of his friends which he doesn’t like but you couldn’t help it, he looked very attractive to you right now.

Not a word was said until you both walked into your house, you went to turn around and then found yourself pinned up against the door with Noah’s hand wrapped around your throat.

“What the fuck was that?”

“What was what baby?”

“Don’t play innocent with me, you knew exactly what you were doing, you’ve been acting like a brat all day and at one of my work events, are fucking serious?”

You stared up at him with big eyes, between your thighs was already wet and his hand became just that bit tighter which made your breath hitch.

“I just wanted some attention off you for a change.”

Noah ran his thumb over your bottom lip, pulling it down slightly.

“Is that so?”

Without any warning he stuck one of his fingers into you and your mouth fell open with a silent moan, head falling back onto the wall.

“You’re so wet for me baby, been thinking about this all day eh?”

“Ye-yes.”

“You want me to make you feel good?”

You nodded while he moved his finger slowly but then removed it, take a moment to clean it off with his mouth.

“Too bad, you think after your performance tonight that you can just get what you want? I don’t think so. Get up those stairs and into our room, only good girls get rewarded.”

Your brain felt fuzzy with excitement as you followed his orders, you went up to your room, Noah not far behind you closing the door and then he sat himself on the edge of the bed.

Noah then stretched his neck from one side to the other, as if preparing for what was about to happen and watching him do that, you practically came on the spot.

“Lay across my lap.”

You went to remove your dress but he stopped you

“Leave it on. You wanted to wear it so badly.”

You walked over to Noah and got comfortable across his lap and he pulled the dress up so he had complete access to you.

“Now for your punish today, I think 15 will do, count each hit and if you miss then we shall start again, understand?”

You nodded in response.

“Use your words angel”

“Yes I understand”

“Remember your safe word?”

Your heart swelled at that as he asks every time he knows he’s about to be rough.

“Yes I do”

“Good girl”

That phrase made your pussy throb, as much as you love being a brat, you also adored his praise.

Noah ran his hand over the back of your legs, he gently parted them slightly and saw the slick coating on the inside of your thighs. Your heart rate increase and you could feel yourself clenching around nothing.

“My dirty girl is looking forward to this huh?”

You were going to respond when out of nowhere he spanked you hard and you let out a deep groan.

“One”

He spanked you again, on the opposite cheek, making sure to keep his hand slightly cupped and not to go to high up so not to hit your lower back.

“Two”

“Are we starting to learn our lesson yet?”

You smiled even though he couldn’t see it. “No.”

“Very well”

Noah was then smacking your bare behind multiple times in a row and you done your best to keep up calling out the numbers with his fast pace, all while you could feel the beautiful stinging pain begin the more he spanked you.

“Ten!”

“That’s my good girl, you’re going a beautiful shade of red baby, shall we take it up a notch for the last 5?”

“Yes sir”

Noah hummed in approval of the name you used, the pain was coming through more now but Noah started to rub you down to soothe you. His hand pulled away briefly and you felt it be replaced with your leather paddle that you didn’t even realised he’d got out ready.

“5 hard smacks angel and then it’s over, you’re doing so good for me.”

You squeezed your thighs together more to try and get relief from the aching you felt, you prayed Noah would reward you soon.

He smacked the paddled down extra hard then he normally did and you cried out and called out “el..eleven!”

“You know what that was for, you get your reward when I say so.”

You nodded and moaned and your body jolted when he then continued the last 4 smacks on you.

“Fifteen!”

You relaxed down on his lap, your backside feeling hot to the touch and was no doubt bright red but you felt his soothing touch as he rubbed over his work for a minute.

Noah gently brought you up and gave you a soft kiss

“You took that so well baby, almost made me feel bad seeing how red you’ve gone, that will definitely bruise later.”

You leaned in and kissed him harder, now straddling his lap and feeling how hot your whole body was. You could feel his erection through his trousers and you started to grind yourself down until his hands stopped you.

“Oh no you don’t angel, we haven’t finished yet”

You stared at him and he brushed your hair out of your face.

“You may have taken your punishment but I don’t feel like I’ve had a proper apology yet”

“I’m sorry Noah…”

“On your knees.”

You dropped down onto your knees immediately, wanting nothing more than to please him however he wanted.

“Suck my cock baby and then maybe I’ll forgive you for acting up today in front of my friends, show me how sorry you are.”

He pulled his boxers and trousers down his hips and legs, just enough to give you access. You watched as his dick fell back onto his stomach, a small amount of precum already leaking out. You wasted no time and licked up his shaft before taking him completely in your mouth and hollowing out your cheeks

“F-fuck baby that’s it”

You grabbed his base with one of your hands while you bobbed your head up and down, no teasing tonight, you cupped his balls with your other hand and gently massaged them making Noah throw his head back letting out guttural growls that you’d normally only hear on the stage while his hand came to rest in your hair guiding you up and down on him.

Next thing you felt was Noah pulling you off him and he brought you in for a kiss, while lifting you onto the bed and pushing your thighs apart so he could rest between them.

“You really are so perfect for me angel”

Noah gave no warning before he dived straight in. A choked cry fell from your lips and he sucked onto your clit and parted your lips with his fingers, to then move down and push his tongue straight in for a taste. Noah was the type of guy who could be between your legs for hours, he was like a thirsty man in a dessert, and he was very smug that he was the first man to ever make your legs shake uncontrollably while eating you out, man is a munch for a reason.

You reached your hand down into his hair and pressed his face into you, trying to grind onto him as you felt yourself getting closer, Noah pulled back and slapped your clit which caused you to jump and moan out.

“Don’t forget your place tonight baby”

You nodded in response but clearly that wasn’t good enough as he delivered another spank down.

“Words”

“Yes Noah, I’ll be good I promise”

You were desperate to cum now, you’d been on the edge for ages and those last two spanks nearly sent you over but you had a feeling Noah wasn’t done with you yet.

Noah kissed your shaky thighs gently, he then gripped your hips down and went straight back in, his face being literally buried in your warmth and your hands are gripping the sheets beneath you while he groans against you, still licking and sucking all over you like you’re his last meal

You could feel your orgasm building up again, your thighs started to shake more and as Noah was sucking on your clit, you felt his fingers at your entrance. Your back arched as he pushed one in, your walls finally having something to hold onto, your cries getting louder and louder. Noah continued as he was, almost with no need for breath, his mouth and fingers working together while he grounded your hips down on the mattress.

“I’m so close Noah”

Noah then pulled away once more with a devilish smirk while you let a choked gasp.

“Have we learned our lesson yet princess?”

You had tears in your eyes, he couldn’t be serious, you were nearly there but Noah loved to edge you as a punishment, he loved to see you beg for him.

“Noah, please I’m so sorry, I won’t ever be a brat in front of your friends again. Please, please let me cum, I’ll be so good for you I promise!”

Noah leant forward, wiped a tear away that had slipped out and gave you a sweet kiss.

“Shhhhh it’s ok baby, I’ve gotcha you”

Noah ran his hands down your sides and settled himself back, he licked a big strip from your opening up to your clit and attached his mouth there while he pushed two fingers back in, Noah wasn’t playing this time, he relentlessly brought you back up to your high, legs shaking, back arching and tears forming in your eyes as you cried out

“Please don’t stop Noah”

And he doesn’t, the arm that’s been holding your hips down, he moves his hand onto your lower tummy and pushes down while he curls his fingers up inside and that’s all it takes for you to feel your orgasm wash over you with a scream.

He doesn’t pull away from you until you’re whining and crying from the overstimulation, you push his head away as the aftershocks are still shaking your body every few seconds and Noah crawls up from between your thighs with his face drenched in your juices. He held you while you came back around, placing small kisses around your collarbone.

“Colour?”

“Green, so green”

Noah let out a small laugh “ok baby, you ready for me?”

You could feel him hard against your thigh, you nodded and leaned up to him for a kiss which he returned. He pulls away and gently removes your dress up over your head and quickly removes the rest of his clothes.

“Turned around, ass up for me.”

You rolled onto your stomach and Noah helped positioned your hips up for him, he ran one hand over your cheek which was definitely sore now but that was forgotten when you felt his head at your entrance. Noah pushed in with no resistance and bottomed out straight away with a loud moan.

“Fuck baby, you feel so good”

Noah held onto your hips and then started a fast, unrelenting pace which caused you to cry out and push back into him. You swear you could feel his tip hitting your stomach with every thrust and Noah wasn’t shy about letting out his own growl’s and groans. You felt your walls closing on him again, your head pressing into the sheets as you called his name. You could only imagine how beautifully sinful he must have looked right now. Noah reached around and started rubbing your clit again.

“One more angel, give me one more, I know you can do it”

Practically screaming you felt yourself crash over the edge and Noah soon followed, his body coming down onto yours, both sweaty and breathless.

You felt Noah pull out gently and rolled you into him, he held onto you as you snuggled into him, your body sore but beautifully spent.

“You ok baby? I’ll be back in a minute ok?”

You nodded as you curled up on the bed, Noah came back in a few minutes later with a glass of water and a warm wash cloth. He gently cleaned you up in between your legs, made you drink some water and then got some cream out of the draw and he rolled you back over to gently rub it over the bruises that were already starting to appear.

You scrunched up your face a little bit, something Noah didn’t miss.

“You done so well for me tonight princess”

Noah got out a comfy t shirt for you and he put on a pair of sweats and then got you both under the covers.

“Is there anything else I can get you baby?”

“No, all I want is a cuddle”

Noah smiled “I think I can manage that”

You curled up into side and he wrapped his arms around you, you felt so warm and safe with him.

Thinking back to the last few hours you let out a small giggle.

“What’s funny?”

“I should play up in front of your friends more often.”

[sacredthefran]

Birthday Breakfast

Authors Note: Okay so uhhhhh...this was supposed to be a blurb but I couldn't stop myself - but its still a blurb if that makes sense? Idk I'm tired. (also it's not edited because I'm lazy) It’s my first time writing Noah too…please be nice to me 😭

Warnings: Oral (f! receiving) lets be honest...we all know Noah's a munch. 18+ MINORS DNI

Word Count: 1.8k

Just thinking about how you would make breakfast for Noah on his birthday. He loves to sleep in so you knew that you had a couple of extra hours to get everything made just the way he likes it. As you were taking a chocolate chip waffle out of the maker, you were startled to feel calloused tattooed hands gripping your waist, rubbing small circles into your hips.

"Baby....you're supposed to be sleeping."

"You left the bed." He hummed into your hair before giving a quick peck to the top of your head.

"So?"

You removed his arms from around your waist - moving across the kitchen to the cabinet that held the dishes. Specifically the black plates that had a golden accent on the edges - you couldn’t stand the plate but Noah on the other hand insisted that you two couldn’t leave the store until you purchased them. You could feel his boba eyes staring you down as you moved across the kitchen, humming quietly to yourself as you plated everything - even going the extra mile to grab whip cream and making a smiley face on the waffles.

You knew that it seemed childish, but it was something you loved doing for him. Growing up he didn’t really get to experience moments like this, where his birthday was celebrated, where he was appreciated, where he was shown love.  

“Okay, cover your eyes.” 

“Love, I’m no-” Noah stopped his protest when he looked down and saw you looking up at him and giving him the biggest puppy dog face you could come up with. 

You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your mouth as you watched him slap his long fingers over his eyes, even going the extra mile of tilting his head up to the sky as he heard the clanking of the plate hitting the counter. 

“Open.” 

A toothy grin graced Noah’s features as he took in the sight before him - hell, even a light pink dusting was on his cheeks. He slowly lifted his head up and if you knew better, it looked like he was blinking away a tear or two. 

“This is great and all…..but I’m hungry for something else.” 

You watched as his 6 foot figure started making its way across the kitchen counter to tower over you. His coffee colored eyes turning black with lust as he took in the sight of you. You were dressed in an old Bad Omens shirt and were wearing a pair of skimpy red lace panties - his favorite. 

“Noah..”  Trying to move away from the tall man, you found yourself being trapped against the island with Noah’s arms on either sides of you.

“What’s the matter princess?” 

Averting your eye contact from his, you could feel your thighs closing together involuntarily. Hating the way a single sentence from Noah could make you drip. 

“I didn’t shower.” 

You mumbled, hoping he would get the hint of what you’re getting at. Last night you two had fucked for hours, nonstop. 

“And why would I care about that?” He tilted his head sideways - leaning down to close the gap in between the two of you. 

“You know why.”

 Noah brushed your tangled hair behind your ear, giving your earlobe a lick before whispering, “Oh, because my cum is still in your pussy? Is that what it is?”. He paused to hear your breath become shallow. “You act like that would turn me off.” 

The dark haired man spoke the last sentence while making sure to press his body completely against yours - his hardening dick pressing against your hip bone. Air left your lungs as he closed the gap inbetween your lips, a hungry pace being set by him. Your hands wandering up and down his back as he made sure to grab your ass cheeks - giving a rough squeeze every couple of seconds before slipping his hand to the front of your panties feeling the dampness that was pooling in between your legs. 

“Would you like that? Trying to deny me of what I want, when your pussy’s soaking. My dirty girl.” 

You hated that a moan slipped out of your mouth as Noah spoke that sentence, his fingers circling your clit over the lace - hardening the bud. His other hand found its way to your throat, gently wrapping around it and giving a light squeeze, an evil smirk appearing on his face as he watched your pupils black out with lust. 

“Are you going to be good for me and give me what I want? Or do I need to take you upstairs and tie you up?” 

“I’ll be good.” 

Noah leaned forward to give you peck, squeezing your throat one more time before taking the bottom of your shirt and ripping it up over your head. A loud groan left his body as he saw your tits out in the open for him. Bending his neck down, he captured your right nipple into his mouth, wrapping his mouth perfectly around it, switching between the motions of sucking and licking - not wanting to  leave your other nipple feeling neglected, he raised his hand and mimicked the actions of his mouth on it. 

Looking down, you saw him with his eyes closed as he was enjoying the taste of your skin, your back was arched over the counter at that point but Noah didn’t pull away, he followed wherever your body went - putting your hands in his hair, gently tugging on it. 

“So needy.” He mumbled against your skin, popping your nipple out of his mouth. “What do you want?” 

You didn’t respond to the man in front of you - giving him a blank stare.

“Good girls get rewarded for saying what they want.”

“I wa-” You trailed off, feeling yourself blush as you tried to tell him about what was on your mind. 

“Use your words.” He hissed out, placing kisses all over your chest. 

“I want you to eat my pussy.” You whispered - if you weren’t red before, you certainly were now as he looked up at you with a cocked eyebrow. 

“Huh? Didn’t hear you.” 

“I want you to eat my pussy.” You spoke louder this time, your voice echoing throughout the house. 

“Good girl.” 

Noah nipped at your left nipple before starting to lead a trail of kisses and spit all while sinking down onto his knees. He stopped when he reached the top of your panties, looking up at you with a smirk, leaning forward and giving a quick peck to your clit - an evil chuckle leaving his mouth as your knees buckled. 

“Someone’s impatient.” He whispered out the words while his mouth was still near your clit, the hot air adding to the intensity of the moment. 

It felt like your skin was on fire every time he ran his hands over your thighs, purposefully getting close to where you needed him the most then pulling away to run over the lace material on your hips. He kept up this teasing game for what felt like hours - smirking to himself when he could see your slick leaving a wet mark on your panties, dipping his fingers into the waistband of the material, slowly dragging it down your legs. 

“Fuck.” Noah dropped his head back, letting out an animalistic growl as he took in the sight of your bare pussy. 

In a flash he grabbed your right leg and threw it over his shoulder, moaning as he could see your wetness starting to coat the inside of your thighs. He knew that he couldn’t tease you anymore - mostly because he could feel the beads of precum dripping out of his cock as he took in the sight of you. He needed to have a taste. 

Wasting no more time, Noah dove right in and gave your opening a kitten lick - both of you moaning out, you from the feeling and him from the taste. Noah was a beast, once he started he couldn’t stop. Noah licking up and down your slit like a man who hasn’t had a meal in months. A pitchy moan leaving your mouth as he worked his way up to your clit, wrapping his lips around it, applying the right amount of suction. 

Placing one hand on your left breast, toying with your nipple as you reached your other hand down and weaved it into Noah’s hair - your hips beginning to move involuntarily.

“That’s it princess. Use my face.” 

He took his mouth away from your clit, just to flatten out his tongue to give you more access to what you needed from him.  His pointer and middle finger were gently circling around your entrance before entering inside of you - rubbing your walls in a perfect way. 

“Oh….fuck.” You groaned out as you felt the white heat building in your stomach - his fingers curling into your g spot every couple of seconds.

An involuntarily moan would spill out of Noah’s mouth every time he felt you clenching around his fingers, your cunt was squeezing his fingers so tight - fuck, making it harder for him to move his fingers in and out of you. He could feel his own release starting to build as he watched your head tilt back in ecstasy, fucking his face. The dark haired man suddenly shook his head aggressively, catching your clit on the bridge of his nose -him tightening his grip on your hip, making sure you couldn’t lift off of his face even if you tried. 

“Noah..fuck..I’m gonna cum.” 

You were a blubbering mess as you could feel your release getting closer. Noah taking his fingers out of you - placing that hand on your other hip, forcing you back into the kitchen island as he continued his assault on your clit. His tongue flipping rapidly as you had no choice but to stand there and take it, reaching down you pulled at his hair, his eyes popping open and staring back at you. Your chest heaving up and down as your legs started to shake - Noah circling your clit even harder with his tongue now. 

You couldn’t fight  your body anymore, letting out a loud shriek as your orgasm washed over you - your eyes rolling back into your head as he sucked your clit into his mouth, milking your orgasm. 

Only given a few seconds to come down from your high before you were met back with the feeling of Noah peppering kisses up your body, humming gently as he made his way back up to your mouth. 

“You still with me?” He questioned, placing his hands on your cheeks, looking deep  into your eyes, feeling himself becoming mesmerized by your fucked out look. 

“Yeah…just give me a second.” 

“Actually, we don’t have a second. I need to feel you wrapped around me.” Squeals leaving your mouth as Noah scooped you up into his arms, carrying you bridal style down the hallway leading to your bedroom.

“But the food.” 

“Do I look like I give a fuck?”   

[thefallennightmare]

One Night-one

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Reader

Warnings: lots of smut, swearing, angst, fluff.

Summary: One night. That's what Noah and Reader agreed to. No questions, no second thoughts, and no regrets. But will one night be enough to fill the hunger they both craved?

Authors Note: so, this was originally going to be a one-shot, but it got to be really long. I decided to make it into a two, maybe three-parter. If anyone wants to be tagged in part two, let me know!

The loud bass echoed off the black peeling walls as Britt dragged me along through the dark hallways of the club, the heels of my shoes not wanting to move. This was a bad idea, right? There was no way we were allowed to come back here let alone walk the back hallways. We were going to get caught and thrown out and I yet again let that be known to my best friend.

“Britt, are you sure we’re allowed to be back here? The security guard barley let us through,” I sighed.

The blonde in front of me let out her own sigh before turning to face me, her grip on my hand faltering.

“I already told you, Y/N. They invited us tonight.”

Immediately I shook my head. “No, they invited you not me.”

My best friend rolled her eyes. “They won’t care that you tagged along. Maybe I can convince Nick to tattoo you as well.”

I snorted. “I doubt your friend would be willing to tattoo someone who tagged along.”

“Oh, for fuck's sake, Y/N,” Britt pinched her eyes. “For once in your life, stop worrying about the rules and let go. Have some fun.”

The mischievous light behind her eyes called to the dark side of me, one that I rarely let out afraid of the consequences but when her bottom lip pouted in a frown, I let out a deep breath and nodded.

With a squeal, Britt grasped my hand and began dragging me down the hallway once again.

“Where are we going, anyway?” I asked.

“Nick told me to meet him in the green room.”

I raised a brow. “And why can't he tattoo you in his shop?”

Earlier today, Britt had called me asking if I would tag along with her to get a tattoo and I agreed. But that was only because I thought we were going to a shop, not a rundown building.

We turned a corner and came to a halt in front of a door, muffled voices sounded on the other end of it. There were atleast three different voices, but I wasn’t able to hear what they were saying.

“Nick has been tattooing me for years but he doesn’t have his own shop because he’s on the road a lot,” Britt informed me.

“Doing?” I pressed.

“Geez, what’s with the twenty questions?” Britt chuckled.

I shrugged. “If I’m going to get murdered, I’d like to know who is murdering me.”

“Look,” she grabbed both of my hands and gave them a light squeeze. “I know the last few months haven’t been exactly easy for you.”

My feet shifted uncomfortably with her words and my heart rate quicken as I felt the all too familiar rush of anger course through me.

Britt continued. “What kind of friend would I be if I let you sit home in your apartment and rot away all because Jacob broke your heart?”

“He didn’t break my heart,” I stated through gritted teeth.

The voices behind the door had quieted, almost to silence as Britt spoke again.

“Jacob was an asshole who cheated on you, multiple times. I said it from the start I never trusted him.”

“I know,” I nodded. “I should have listened to you. If I had, I wouldn’t have wasted two years on that prick.”

With a final squeeze of our hands, Britt dropped them before motioning to the door behind her. “You need this night out more than I do. For me, it’s just another tattoo but for you? It’s a way to spread your wings and fly into someone else’s embrace.”

A loud, thunderous, laugh erupted from my chest and I hand to clutch my stomach as the muscles constricted from how hard I was laughing. Britt simply looked at me amused.

“Yeah, I know. It wasn’t my best advice, but it’s what I could come up with on the fly,” she waved me off.

Suddenly the door behind Britt opened and both of us locked us with a pair of dark, almost hazel eyes. The intense gaze stared at us underneath the brim of his hat and I wondered if he could hear how loud my heart was pounding against my chest as fear filled me. Had they had caught us? Were we about to be thrown out?

“I thought I heard you,” the man broke out into a smile before wrapping his arms around Britt.

He had long hair that was pulled back into a low bun underneath the hat and the tattoo’s that peaked from underneath the material of his shirt gave me a slight idea who this was.

“Hey Nick, sorry I’m late. Someone was dragging their feet,” Britt said after pulling away from the hug and motioned towards me. “This is Y/N.”

The man, Nick, gave me a warm smile in greeting. “Nice to meet you.”

I returned the smile. “You too.”

“Alright, I’m almost set up. Come on in,” Nick motioned for us to follow.

While Britt followed eagerly, I hung back aways, nerves still wrecking throughout my body.

“How much time do we have until you guys go on?” Britt asked.

When she noticed I was still hanging out in the hallway, she yanked me inside before shutting the door behind us.

“Stop being weird,” she mouthed to me.

The only response I gave her was my middle finger.

“We just finished soundcheck so we’ve got a few hours,” Nick said.

He sat on a long leather couch fidgeting with his tattoo gun and finished filling up little cups of bright colored ink. Britt was already covered in tattoos so I couldn’t help but wonder where and what she was getting. I, on the other hand, had a few tattoos scattered over my body.

“Soundcheck?” I questioned, still confused on who this guy was and where we were exactly.

Nick nodded with a small smile. “We’re playing here tonight.”

It was then that I noticed two other men standing in the far corner of the room, chatting amongst themselves but when their eyes landed on us, their conversations stopped.

“Hey, Britt. Nick said you were stopping by tonight.”

A man with a slight accent and long hair stepped forward and gave Britt a quick hug.

“Yea. He had some free time tonight to squeeze me in so I had to take it. You guys are always so busy with either touring or recording, I barely get time to see my cousin anymore.”

Touring? Recording? Cousin?

Three years of friendship and I realized maybe I hadn’t known my best friend as well as I thought I did.

“Nick’s your cousin?” I asked.

Britt nodded. “Yeah but since he lives in Virginia, I don’t get to see him as much.”

Another guy approached Britt and gave her a hug, one she accepted with a slight blush to her cheeks. I didn’t miss the way her breath hitched as the two of them pulled away and their eyes locked. I couldn’t stop the smug smile that pulled at the corner of my lips.

“Uh, Y/N, this is Jolly.”

Britt pointed to the man that had the accent, and I gave a small wave.

“And this is Nick,” Britt pointed to the other man, the blush now a deep crimson.

I quirked a brow. “Two Nicks?”

The latter Nick chuckled. “You can call me Folio.”

“And Mr. antisocial over there is Noah,” Britt rolled her eyes and pointed to the couch behind me.

For the first time since walking in the room, I noticed the man sitting deep into the cushions behind me and my breath caught in my throat. My heart was beating rapidly, and I felt sweat gather in my palms.

This man was gorgeous, the skin underneath his blank tank top drowning in a sea of colorful tattoos and his dark hair falling into his eyes as he leaned forward on the couch. His hands were clasped together as his eyes were trained hard on the floor beneath his feet. With every deep breath he took, the silver chain around his neck dangled and I was hit with the thought of how it would look dangling over me while this man loomed above me, dark eyes staring deep into mine.

I squeezed my thighs together, hoping that thought wouldn’t return tonight.

Realizing someone was talking to him, the man finally tore his gaze away from the floor and it fell onto Britt for a moment before shifting to me, drinking me in. I suddenly felt hot underneath it and shifted on my feet when I noticed a small fire behind them as his brown eyes locked with mine.

“Noah, this is Y/N.” Britt introduced us.

God, even his name was breathtaking.

Noah’s eyes grazed over every inch of my body from my feet to my eyes where he held my gaze for a few beats. He gave us a tight smile before focusing his gaze back on the floor.

“You’ll have to ignore him,” Jolly said coming up alongside me. “He found out yesterday that an ex of his cheated on him when they were together so he’s a bit upset.”

Trust me, I understand how he’s feeling.

Jolly began leading me to the couch across from Noah but before I could sit, I motioned to the door. Britt, however, was two steps ahead of me and gave me a light push down onto the couch then sat next to me.

“And you’ll have to excuse Y/N. She doesn’t get out of the house much since her break up so she seems to forget how to socialize.”

I glared at Britt. “Fuck you.”

The guys gave a slight chuckle and Nick turned motioned for Britt to roll up the bottom of her pants, exposing the only patch of space on her inner left leg.

As much as I loved Britt, sometimes she could be a bit much in letting people know too much about my social life. She claimed it was all from the heart but sometimes, like right now, I didn’t need four strangers to know about my personal life especially since I had no plans on seeing any of them after tonight.

“So, what time do you guys play tonight?” Britt asked over the sound of the tattoo gun.

I watched as Nick concentrated on the small design he had placed on Britt’s leg.

“We go on around nine. You two planning on staying?”

“Hell yeah,” Britt exclaimed.

My eyes snapped up to hers. “We are?”

“I haven't seen a Bad Omens show since before these guys blew up,” Britt explained.

Suddenly it all clicked into place. The building we were in, the line of people that were standing in front of said building as we drove past, and four tattooed guys hanging out in the green room. These guys were in a band, one I’ve never heard of before, but clearly they were popular. Hence the large group of people waiting outside.

“Come on, Y/N. It’s not like you have anything else planned tonight,” Britt continued with a slight wince on her face as Nick passed over a sensitive part of skin.

My lips parted to protest but when I realized she was right, I leaned back into the couch with a sigh. “Just because you’re almost always right doesn’t mean you have to throw it in my face.”

“So,” she began. “I think you need something to help you get over Jacob.”

Thankfully, Britt’s voice was hushed but even with the loud noise from the tattoo gun, I worried if the guys could hear.

“What are you thinking?” I raised a brow.

She had many ideas all the time, majority never worked out how she said. But that never stopped her from trying.

“Well they always say, in order to get over someone it’s best to get under someone new.”

I scoffed a chuckle. “Who the fuck says that?”

Britt shrugged. “Everyone.”

When both Nick’s agreed with nods, I groaned. “That is not happening.”

“Just think about it.”

Britt patted my thigh before she started up a conversation with Folio, who was sitting on the couch next to her, on her other side. I kept my attention on my phone, scrolling aimlessly through my social media, to pass the time. But every so often I would feel this intense burning on my face, almost as if someone was watching me. At first, I did my best to ignore it until I finally glanced up from my phone to the man across from me. A quiet breath fell from my lips when I realized Noah was the cause for the burning stare on my face.

He held my gaze for a long beat before it fell to my parted lips then back to my eyes. That silent action said so much and it made my body shiver with desire.

Jesus, get a hold of yourself. You’re doing that thing where you overthink everything and it’s only going to end up bad. Like it always does.

“What the hell Y/N?”

Reluctantly, I broke eye contact with Noah and noticed Britt was glaring down at my phone. With a quick glance, I noticed that my text conversation with Jacob was up with a new text from him on full display.

I miss you so much, baby. Why don’t you come over tonight and we can talk about things?

I pulled my phone to my chest hoping that Britt wasn’t able to read any other messages from Jacob.

“Please tell me you’re not texting that asshole?!” Britt seethed while trying to sit up straight until Nick grasped tightly on her ankle, her forgetting for a second that she was getting tattooed.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I shrugged.

She gasped. “You are! What the fuck. Did you not learn anything from this breakup?”

With a quick glance around the room, I noticed that all the guys were watching the two of us with curious eyes. Even Nick glanced up from the almost finished tattoo on Britt’s leg.

“Can we maybe not talk about this in front of?” I motioned to the guys.

Britt shook her head. “No, you’re not blowing this off.”

I grit my teeth together. “I’m not. I don’t want to talk about Jacob right now.”

“But you have no problem texting him?”

“I wasn’t texting him. He’s been nonstop texting me,” I informed.

The look of anger that crossed Britt’s features was enough to make me sink further into the couch. She motioned for Nick to stop for a moment; he did and turned off the gun before setting it onto the table that he had been sitting on.

“Did you forget what he did?” Britt asked.

“No-.”

“He cheated on you, Y/N. Multiple times,” she deadpanned, interrupting me.

My cheeks flushed at being scolded by Britt in front of the guys, especially Noah. I barley knew him but knowing that he was listening and watching intently only made me now sink completely into the couch. I pinched my eyes shut while letting out a shaky breath. As if realizing that I was on the verge of breaking down once again because of Jacob, Britt placed a gentle hand on my knee.

“I’m not trying to be a bitch but I refuse to sit by and let him hurt you all over again. You don’t deserve that.”

“I know,” I muttered. “It’s a never-ending cycle with him.”

“Give me your phone,” Britt extended her hand towards me.

I looked at her warily.

“I’m not going to look at your nudes, Y/N. Give me your phone,” she repeated with a bit more force in her voice.

While my face heated with embarrassment, I noticed out of the corner of my eye Noah shift in his spot on the couch across from us.

“I don’t have any nudes on there,” I stated with a slight waver to my voice.

I did, loads of them. I never sent them to anyone though, I simply liked the way I looked.

With the way Britt gave me a sideway smirk, I knew she didn’t believe a word I said.

When Britt had my phone, I watched as she scowled at Jacob’s contact before blocking him then deleting his number for an extra precaution. She handed my phone back with a proud smile.

“All done.”

The sound of the tattoo machine whirred up again, Nick continuing on with his piece.

“You blocked him?” I asked.

Britt nodded. “As you said, it’s always the same game between the two of you. Jacob cheats on you, you two break up. He comes crawling back saying it was a mistake so you take him back.”

“I don’t need the reminder,” I grumbled while crossing my arms over my chest.

With a quick flick of my gaze, my eyes locked with Noah’s briefly before he averted his down to his phone.

“That doesn’t seem healthy,” Jolly said.

Britt shook her head. “Because it’s not. Y/N wasted two years of her life with this douchebag. His dick is the only one she’s ever had.”

“Oh, for fuck's sake,” I groaned burying my face in my hands.

Not before I noticed the way Noah’s shoulders tensed at Britt’s words.

“Do you have to lay out all of my dirty laundry?” I seethed towards her.

Britt always said what was on her mind, no matter who was around or if the situation was appropriate for it. Often, I praised her for it. Just not when I was on the receiving end of it. But before Britt could respond, Nick spoke up saying that her tattoo was finished.

Silence fell in the room for a long moment and not wanting to look at anyone, I kept my gaze fixed on my hands in my lap. Embarrassment filled me and in this moment, I wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl in bed. I barley knew these guys and even if Britt had, she had no right saying all those things about my personal life in front of them.

Folio must have been able to feel the sudden tension between Britt and I because he motioned towards her.

“Want to grab something to eat?”

Britt went to nod but gave me a sideways glance. Even if I was angry at her, I could tell that she wanted to spend some alone time with him so I waved her off, muttering I would be fine until she got back. Before I could even tell her to bring me back something to drink, her and Folio were already out the door.

“Leave it to Britt to say what’s on her mind,” Nick said once he finished packing up his tattoo machine.

I couldn’t stop the light chuckle that fell from my lips. “I guess you understand her just as much as I do.”

Jolly sat up from the couch with a long sigh and patted Nick on the shoulder. “Bryan wants to get some pictures of us for Instagram.”

Nick nodded before looking at Noah. “Want to tag along?”

I had been sitting in this room for over an hour and not once did Noah mutter a single word or even sound.

“No, I’m good. Tell Bryan he can get some before we go on.”

His voice. Fuck even his voice sounded like heaven.

Jolly looked from Noah to me then back to him. “Is it alright if Y/N hangs out here?”

“If not, I’m sure I can find Britt and crash her date,” I said, not wanting to impose on Noah.

Jolly and Nick snickered at the mention of Britt and Folio’s date.

Noah shook his head. “You can stay.”

The way he said it was as if he had some underlining meaning behind it but I didn’t dare think too much of it. My skin was tingling with an unknown sensation and I ran my hands over my thighs to stop the sweat from gathering there.

With the door to the room shut, the two of us were alone and for the first time in a long time, I felt nervous in front of a man. I barley knew Noah, only the fact that he was in a band, and I should fear him. Scared that I was alone in a room with him. But no, all I felt was nerves because the tension between us was slowly building and attaching itself inside my veins.

“Your boyfriend sounds like a real ass.”

My eyes darted over to Noah, his soft voice breaking the long few moments of silence.

“Ex.” I corrected.

The corner of his lip curled up. “Is what Britt said true?”

I shook my head not sure what he was curious about.

“About?”

My voice came out a bit wavered but Noah made no sign he heard.

“Your ex was the only one?” He asked.

Heat spread over the skin of my face, and I bit on the inside of my cheek. With my silence, Noah gave a curt nod almost displeased with my answer.

“Maybe Britt was right. I need someone to help get over him,” I muttered to myself when I thought about it.

Jacob was the only man I had ever been with, kissed and had sex with. He was all I’d known and who knows, I could miss out on someone great; relationship wise or even a one-night stand because I was too hung up on Jacob. It would be stupid of me not to spread my wings and explore my other options, right?

Maybe even the one sitting in front of me?

I quickly shook that thought from my mind. There was no way Noah would be interested in that or me.

He hummed in response to my words.

“What? You think it’s stupid.”

“I never said that,” Noah said.

My eyes almost buldged out of my head but I held back, not wanting to get my hopes up with whatever he meant to say.

“So you agree with me,” I said after a moment.

He shrugged. “Britt has said some weird shit the last few years since I’ve been around her but that doesn’t mean she’s not wrong about her advice.”

“You know from experience?” I asked, a pang of jealousy stabbing my heart.

I had no reason to be jealous if Noah and Britt hooked up but it still bothered me.

Noah let out a soft laugh, and my stomach fluttered with butterflies at the sound.

“No. Folio’s liked her for a while now, I wouldn’t do that to him. Plus, she’s not my type,” he finished with a shrug.

I licked my lips. “What is your type?”

His eyes flicked up from the floor to my face where he kept it there, silence falling between us. I shifted in my seat with the intensity of Noah’s stare and ran my hands over my thighs.

“Do I make you nervous?” He asked.

When my brows furrowed with confusion, Noah motioned to my hands that kept rubbing against my thighs so I abruptly stopped.

“No,” I lied.

His response was another hum before he leaned back against the couch, arms sprawled along the top of it. My mouth salivated at the sight of the muscles in his arms tensing with each of his movements. I drank in from afar all of his tattoos that covered almost every inch of skin.

“I’ll do it.”

I snapped away from internally drooling over Noah and shook my head with confusion. “Do what?”

Noah’s lips parted but before he could speak my phone buzzed and when I saw the unknown name appear on the screen, I answered the call with raised brows. The only problem was that the speaker on my phone was broken which made it difficult to hear conversations so I had to answer each call on speaker.

“Hello?”

“Y/N, what the fuck! Why can’t I call you?”

I froze for a moment. “Jacob?”

“What’s going on with your phone?”

Jacob’s voice was loud with anger that I nearly dropped it in slight feer. While he never raised a hand to me our entire relationship, he was still mentally and emotionally abusive. I looked over at Noah from under my lashes and noticed he was watching me intently.

“Y/N!”

I snapped my attention back to my phone. “What do you want? Why are you calling me?”

“I’ve been trying to call you for the last hour and when my call didn’t go through, I got worried so I borrowed my roommates phone.”

“I’m fine, Jacob. You didn’t need to call,” I said with an exhausted tone.

“Let me come over. We can watch a movie or fuck.”

I blinked at his outright boldness and watched as Noah’s shoulders stiffened.

“I, uh,” I licked my dry lips as I stuttered. “I’m not home.”

“Where the fuck are you?”

Noah must not have like the tone in Jacob’s voice because he raised a finger towards me and hooked it towards him, beckoning me over to him. I cocked my head to the side before shaking my head.

“Y/N, come here.” Noah said, not exactly in a hushed tone.

“Who are you with? Are you cheating on me?”

Anger filled me at his accusation. Unlike him, I was faithful when we were together. But it didn’t matter because we weren’t together anymore. Something I reminded him of yet again.

“You were the one that cheated. Many times. And every single time, I took you back like a fucking idiot,” I snapped.

“I don’t like this attitude, Y/N. You were never this mouthy. Although, I remember how great you were with that mouth in other ways.”

Internally, I cringed at his words. Now that I wasn’t dating him and the blinders were off, I noticed how vulgar and disgusting he was. Noah must have agreed with me because the scowl on his lips made me shift in my seat.

“You’re disgusting,” I said.

“There was a point that you didn’t think that. If I recall, you loved how disgusting I was.”

The word disgusting sounded just like that as if fell from his lips. But now, the anger I felt for him suddenly made me feel bold and the words lashed out before I even could stop them.

“Oh please. If I loved it so much, wouldn’t you think I would have orgasmed even once?”

While Jacob was stunned, silence coming from his end of the phone, Noah, on the other hand, watched me with an amused expression. His brown eyes were bright until something dark filled them. Before I could comprehend what was going on, Noah was on his feet with a swift movement and I squealed as he lifted me from the couch onto his lap.

“What are you doing?” I asked as I stared down at him.

He was looking up at me though his long lashes while his hands gripped my hips. His warm breath fanned over the crook of my neck and my eyes fluttered shut, a quiet breath leaving my lips.

“You faked it?”

Jacob’s voice brought be back to our phone conversation, and I was ready to end it, not wanting anything to impede whatever Noah was doing.

“Keep talking to him,” Noah muttered into my neck.

I gave him a wild look. “What?”

“I believe he asked you a question,” he responded motioning to my phone.

“Y/N?”

“Uh,” I blinked while tearing my gaze away from Noah’s dark eyes. “Yeah, I did.”

“Even the weekend we stayed at that hotel?”

I sucked in a breath when I felt Noah’s finger trace over the front of my jeans.

“What are you doing?” I managed through shaky breaths.

“If it’s alright with you, I want to make you cum while you’re on the phone with him.”

Noah’s voice was husky, laced with lust, and whatever reservations I had about if he actually offered himself up earlier vanished when he made quick work of the button on my jeans. The thought of coming undone from another man while on the phone with Jacob made a fire burn low in my belly.

“Do you want that?” Noah asked as he lifted my chin.

“Did you fake it every time?”

Both of them asked their questions at the same time but my answer was towards Noah’s question.

“Yes,” I breathed as my eyes locked with Noah’s.

The sound of a zipper echoed in the room and when finger glided over the sheer fabric of my panties, I nearly dropped my head to his shoulder. He motioned to my phone urging me to continue talking to Jacob.

“Jacob, why are you calling me?” I asked.

“I miss you, baby.”

I wanted to groan in disgust but what came out instead was a groan of ecstasy. Noah moved my panties to the side while slipping a finger through my folds. He teased the slick length for a few strokes before settling on my clit, rubbing in slow circles.

“Don’t call me that,” I said.

Jacob sighed into the phone. “You used to love when I called you that.”

“I also loved it when you didn’t cheat on me,” I shot back.

Noah hummed into the skin of my throat. “Who would ever cheat on you?”

“Who was that? Are you with someone else?”

I felt Noah’s body shake with laughter underneath me at the jealous tone coming from Jacob.

“Why does it matter? We’re not together anymore.”

I bit my lip when a finger slid into me with ease from how wet I was and when Noah began pumping a finger in and out in fast strokes, my eyes fluttered close.

“Oh fuck,” I moaned.

“Did he ever make you this wet? I can feel you clenching on my finger, angel.” Noah’s teeth grazed over the skin over my exposed collarbone.

Angel.

I nearly came on his pet name for me alone. Hearing fall from his lips was heaven enough for me. Forget an orgasm, I would have been fine with that.

“Answer me,” he demanded.

I ground my hips hard into his hand from his authoritative tone and quickly shook my head.

“Never this wet,” I moaned.

“Y/N, who are you with? I’ll fucking kill him.”

The phone dropped from my hand onto the couch next to us when Noah’s thumb pressed hard onto the swollen nub of my clit while his finger continued to pump in and out of my core. The base of my spine tingled as my orgasm built. It was getting heavy with each stroke and I let my head fall back, lips parting.

“Are you going to cum?” Noah asked in a low voice.

I nodded, unable to talk, and when I felt his hard cock press into me, I almost whined.

“You want this cock, huh?”

I nodded without thinking.

Noah left a few bites along my neck and the edge of my orgasm had crested, ready to push me over the edge.

“If you’re a good girl and cum for me, maybe I’ll give you my cock.”

“Oh fuck,” my body shuddered as the start of my orgasm rocked through me.

“Y/N, where the fuck are-.”

Noah quickly ended the call before tossing my phone over to the other couch.

“He doesn’t get to hear you fall apart. It’s only for me,” Noah said.

“‘m so close, Noah.”

His name falling from my lips was exactly what I needed to finally let go, my orgasm making me yell out in pleasure riding it out against his hand.

As I came down and vision cleared, I saw Noah pull his fingers from me; the emptiness making me frown. However, when he brought his finger to his lips, tongue licking my arousal from it, I thought I would cum again just at the sight.

“Fuck, angel, you taste so good. I can’t wait to taste you for the rest of the night while I’m on stage.”

I sighed in content. “Thank you.”

“Y/N,” he tipped my chin up. “You don’t have to thank me. I just wanted to help you forget that asshole for a moment.”

“Hmm, can I keep you around for the rest of the night?” I asked, joking slightly.

Noah’s face turned serious but before I could worry if I crossed the line, he shrugged. “I’ll do it if only you agree.”

Still on his lap and jeans undone, I shifted on his hard cock.

“What, spend one night with me?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he looked at the clock on the wall behind me. “It’s just after eight. Our set starts at nine and will end at 10:30. After that, we can continue where we left this. Then by 7 in the morning, we can part ways. Just one night to forget our problems.”

I chewed on the inside of my cheek, mewling over his words, while his hands slid underneath my shirt and grazed over the skin of my back.

“Why would you do that for me?” I wondered.

Noah spoke just above a whisper. “You’re not the only one that needs to forget someone.”

I then remembered that Jolly had mentioned earlier that Noah had found out today that he was cheated on in a previous relationship.

“So,” I spoke slowly. “One night of sex then by the morning we say goodbye?”

Something flashed over Noah’s brown eyes but it was gone before I could decipher what it was.

“No questions, no regrets, and no second thoughts. What do you say?”

Before I could give him my answer, the door to the room opened, and I quickly scrambled off of his lap to fix myself.

[kaliforniahigh]

this video is just so funny, I had to share with you guys 😂

[veronicaphoenix]

zutto — chapter two | wc: 3k | series masterpost | prev. chapter

chapter summary: lia and noah's first morning together in her apartment after returning to los angeles.

tags and trigger warnings: best friends to lovers, conflicted feelings, subtle mentions of overdose, ptsd, angst/comfort, noah's having nightmares of lia dying, insomnia, lia's still suffering from slight disorientation, but she's totally in love with noah and so is he with her, even though they're grappling with the aftermath of what happened and taking things slow. there's also obvious sexual tension that will just keep on escalating until it can't be contained anymore.

general trigger warnings: This work addresses and depicts issues related to addiction, abuse, & violence, contains explicit sexual content, and explores themes of childhood trauma. Reader discretion is advised. +18

As Lia slowly emerged from the depths of slumber, the soft embrace of morning sunlight kissed her eyelids, coaxing her back to consciousness. Her fingers idly traced the familiar contours of her bed, noting the untouched expanse beside her. Noah’s absence sent tendrils of unease snaking through her, and suddenly, her heart felt heavy with fear. 

            She slipped from the warmth of her covers, her bare feet touching the cold tiles of the floor. The faint aroma of breakfast wafted through the air as she exited her bedroom. She walked sleepily but panicked to the kitchen. 

            There, in the gentle glow of dawn filtering through the windows, she found Noah, clad in his sweatpants and a black t-shirt, his hair a bit ruffled but looking wide awake. 

            A wave of relief spread through her. Lia fluttered her eyelashes a couple of times, adjusting to the domesticity Noah exuded as he prepared breakfast in her kitchen. 

            “Noah.”

            She caught his attention, and he gifted her a beautiful pained smile. 

            “Hey. I didn’t think you’d wake up so early,” he said, his voice also indicating that he’d been awake for some time now. There was an empty cup of coffee resting by the stove.

            Lia inspected him. The dark circles under his eyes and the stubble on his chin made him look older than he was, and another pang of guilt hit her.

            She ignored his comment, unable to remember when she had finally fallen asleep the night before. The last thing she recalled after holding each other as they cried was being curled up next to Noah on the couch, playing with the strings of his hoodie as a Tim Burton movie flickered on the TV. She couldn’t tell if she’d slept for four hours or eight, but her body still felt the fatigue and weakness of the previous days. She attributed her exhaustion to something else, though: to the fact that Noah hadn’t spent the night beside her.  

            “Where did you sleep?” she asked. Her voice trembled with a mixture of fear and longing as she uttered the question.

            Noah’s gaze, warm and tender yet tinged with a hint of sorrow, met hers. He watched her carefully, paying particular attention to the color in her cheeks, her still sleepy eyes, and her messy hair.

            His response was a silent gesture, a wordless admission. He tilted his head towards the tiny living room, silently indicating the sofa.  

            A surge of emotion threatened to engulf her as she stood there, her eyes falling on the crumpled blanket where Noah had spent the night, using it to shield himself from the cold. Amidst the delicate dance of morning shadows, she yearned to bridge the distance that separated them, to shatter the barriers that confined their hearts. But she was still afraid, and she didn’t know when that fear would let her fall right into his arms; the place where she belonged.

            “You don’t have to sleep there,” she whispered, her voice barely above a breath. 

            “I just wanted you to get a peaceful sleep,” he replied, briefly glancing up from the strawberries he was cutting. 

            Lia hesitated, overwhelmed again by Noah’s attention and constant care. She wasn’t sure if she would ever get used to it, but she knew she didn’t want to live without it. Those had always been the only constants in her life.  

            It had always been Noah.

            Noah.

            Noah.

            Noah.

            She nervously touched the calf of her opposite leg with the heel of her left foot, her eyes wandering over the kitchen counter as she deliberated. She watched as Noah scrambled to prepare two bowls of oatmeal with frozen berries he’d found in the freezer. 

            Summoning some courage, she managed to voice her feelings. “I don’t want you to sleep on the sofa.”

            Her words didn’t surprise Noah, but the determination in her voice did. It was the first time in a long while that he’d hear her speak with such clarity and intensity. Her statement was more than just words; it carried the weight of an imminent solution, and they both understood what that solution entailed because they both wanted the same one.  

            Noah had refrained from sleeping in her bed for many reasons, but mainly because his own insecurity had told him not to cross that line unless Lia asked him to. Now, with her recent statement, it was clear she was asking. 

            Still, Noah needed her to be explicit. He couldn’t handle any more silences, any more behaviour he didn’t understand, or secrets between them. He needed Lia to be transparent about everything as he was willing to be; he needed the good and the bad. He needed her honesty and he needed her to verbalize what she wanted—if she wanted him. 

            His heart raced as Lia approached him with slow, small steps. Her brown eyes never leaving his until one of her hands rested on the edge of the countertop. Her eyes and fingers slowly drifted to the wooden board where he was slicing the strawberries. The ice had melted; the frozen berries had released their juice; his fingertips were stained a sweet pink as he cut the strawberries in two. 

            Noah followed Lia’z gaze, trying to decipher her thoughts.

            Lia’s fingers trailed over the wooden board until they touched Noah’s. Before he could warn her about getting dirty, her fingertips demanded control over his, and then she was running the length of his long digits from the inside, smearing the strawberry juice and spreading the color over both her fingers and his hand. Noah should have felt, at the very lest, confused by her actions, but he found himself in a trance, focused solely on the sensation of her strawberry-stained fingers gliding over his skin. The scent of the fruit mingled with her subtle vanilla scent, blocking out everything else. 

            “I want you to sleep with me,” she whispered, a confession that sent butterflies fluttering in his stomach. 

            When his eyes met Lia’s again, he saw the conflict in her gaze. It was as if by expressing what she wanted, she felt somewhat guilty. 

            Noah didn’t want her to feel culpable about anything. He just wanted her to prioritize herself and be honest, both with him and with herself. 

            He was tempted to tell her there was nothing he wanted more than to sleep with her. He had barely slept the night before. After making sure Lia was asleep and untroubled by physical discomfort or nightmares, he had flopped down on the couch with a blanket he found in a closet. He tried to fall asleep but ended up spending hours listening to music and podcasts with his AirPods on and watching pointless videos on his phone. When he finally drifted off, it was only for a couple of hours, interrupted by a nightmare of Lia dying in his arms, then Lia in the hospital, and then a doctor telling him that there was nothing to be done; that Lia was gone. 

            When he woke up from the nightmare, it was five in the morning. He was drenched in sweat, his t-shirt clinging to his chest and back, his hair sticking to his temples. Almost scared to death, he had gotten up and gone to Lia’s room to make sure she was still there, still sleeping in the same position he had last seen her in, her breathing steady, soft.  Then, he had locked himself in the bathroom, spent ten minutes in silence facing his reflection, containing his anxiety before taking a shower, changing clothes, and giving up on sleep for the night.

            Lia’s confession, her desire, spread through him like a wildfire.

            Lia lifted her hand from his, breaking the spell. 

            Noah felt petrified, a part of him unable to believe Lia’s words, increduluous at the gentleness and pain in her beautiful eyes and delicate face. Then, Lia’s strawberry-stained fingers touched his cheek, cool but pleasant, and her thumb came to rest on his lower lip, where her gaze fell.

            A twitch between Noah’s legs added to the flutter of butterflies in his stomach and the tears he knew would escape his eyes if Lia continued to touch him so tenderly. 

            Oh, such a mess they both were. 

            Noah wanted to do so much, to do so many things for her, with her. He wanted to help her recover, to be patient with her and offer her his space. Another part of him wanted to cry and be held by her, to surrender in her arms, with the sound of her heartbeat against his ear. He wanted her hands caressing his face, maybe her voice singing a song to him, one that showed him there was hope, that they would both make it through. Another part just wanted to pick her up, place her on the counter and kiss her, feed her the same strawberries that now stained his lip and cheek, to watch as Lia nibbled on the small fruit and the juice that dribbled down her chin. He wanted to clean her with his kisses and then take her to bed, make love to her until she forgot everything that had happened and could only think of the bright future ahead of them. 

            And yet…

            Lia’s eyes had a spark on them.

            “Noah, I…”

            Noah nearly parted his lips, ready to touch Lia’s thumb with the tip of his tongue. Just then, the shrill tone of his iPhone snapped them out of their trance. Lia’s hand fell swiftly from his face, and she took a step back, her expression changing as she apologized.           

            Noah clicked his tongue, swiping the back of his hand across his cheek to wipe away the strawberry residue before quickly cleaning his fingers with a rag. He reached for his iPhone with one hand while wrapping his other arm around Lia’s waist, holding her close to his side. 

            “It’s Jolly,” he announced looking down at the screen. 

            Without preamble, he answered the call, trying to focus on the manly voice on the other end while ignoring the way Lia innocently and absentmindedly licked the thumb that had been on his lips just moments before. She reached for the same rag Noah had used, and after a moment, she leaned against him, trying to listen to what Jolly was saying with a small furrow between her brows. 

            Noah offered the phone to her, muttering, “He’s with Emery. She wants to talk to you.”

            Of course. Lia’s phone had been off for the past three days. The battery had died, and she hadn’t bothered to charge it again. Emery, one of her best friends, must have been worried sick. Lia assumed Jolly had informed her of everything, and that he was with her now after the weeks spent away on tour. 

            With a nod, Lia took the phone from Noah’s hand, and reluctantly, he let her go. With a soft greeting and praying she wouldn’t break down again while talking to Emery, Lia made her way around the kitchen counter that separated the kitchen and the living room, heading to the balcony. Noah was left with the ghost of Lia’s thumb on his lips. 

            Lia’s time on the phone with Emery went as expected. Within minutes Lia was in tears. She hadn’t needed to explain what had happened, for Jolly had already filled Emery in. The fear and worry Emery expressed made Lia feel like a bad person. This time, though, Lia took control of the conversation and assured her friend that none of it was her fault. If anything, Lia blamed herself for not letting others help her sooner and drowing herself in her own misery.

            By the time the call ended with a promise of seeing each other soon, Lia was sitting on the corner of the couch, one foot barefoot on the floor and the other leg tucked under her. She sighed heavily, preparing to lock Noah’s phone when she noticed his wallpaper: one of her designs from years ago, a private one that never made it onto the Bad Omens merch or onto her website. It was a beautiful white dragon escaping from a mountain on fire, reaching for the sky with its wings spread open, creating a magnificient shape. Lia had told Noah that she felt the dragon represented her. Although the design had been kept in her MacBook, Noah had somehow obtained it and set it as his wallpaper, perhaps to use it as a reminder that his Lia was stronger than she believed. 

            Lia felt too emotionally exhausted to cry any more. She simply locked Noah’s iPhone and set it down next to her. Looking up at the empty balcony, she noticed the clothesline in the corner, with their tour clothes hanging to dry.  

            “Did you do the laundry?” Lia asked then, turning her head toward Noah at the other end of the room.  

            “Yeah,” he answered, closing the fridge. “I was up early,” he continued,  carrying the two bowls of porridge to the coffee table in front of the couch. “Besides, I don’t have any clothes here except the ones I took on tour so, I had to get them washed,” he explained, setting the bowls. Lia moved to grab two mats from the shelf underneath and placed them on the table. “As comfortable as it feels to dress homeless, we’ll need to go out at some point to get groceries, and I’d rather do it looking a bit decent.” 

            That finally made her smile a little. 

            He settled next to her, pulling the table closer to them. He grabbed the bowl with one hand and the spoon with another. 

            “I should shave, too, but I’ll do that tomorrow,” he mentioned casually. 

            At the mention of it, Lia’s eyes fell to his stubble and the facial hair growing above his upper lip. During their teenage years, when Noah’s mustache had started showing, Lia had teased him occasionally. However, once she realized it made him uncomfortable, she stopped. Weeks later, she had stood at the bathroom door at his grandparents’ house, watching as Noah’s grandpa taught him how to shave. It was a random memory, but seeing him now so comfortable with himself warmed her heart. Growing up meant adapting and accepting changes in one’s body, and Lia was glad Noah had moved past insecurities of his youth, which just added to his appeal as a man. 

            Noah glanced at her as he took the first spoonful of breakfast. He was still replying the intimate moment they had shared in the kitchen before Jolly’s call interrupted, but seeing Lia play with her spoon in her bowl brought him back to the present.  

            “It’s not too bad,” he mentioned, referring to the frozen berries. “There was nothing fresh, and I thought about making a shake, but I know you prefer porridge, so…”

            “Anything is fine. There’s nothing in the fridge, anyway,” she acknowledged. “I should have thought about it yesterday. Maybe we could have gone to get something from the mini-mart down the street.”

            “We can go later if you’re feeling okay,” he leaned back, digging into his food and settling into the slow morning with her.   

            Lia nodded. She felt uncertain about resuming her usual routine, but she was aware that if she didn’t do the effort, she wouldn’t get any better. So, the sooner she started getting back on track, the better. And if she tripped, Noah would be there to catch her.  

            “Maybe we should also get some new plants and spend some time replanting the ones that died. Will keep our minds occupied.”

            It was a good idea, and Lia appreciated every suggestion he made as she ate little spoonfuls of porridge, slowly filling her food-starved body. 

            “Do you feel like going out, though?” he asked, eyeing her with evident concern. 

            The gesture she made as she set her bowl down on the sofa and tucked her hair behind her ear was sweet and comforting. A part of Noah felt a pang of jealousy that she did it herself when he could have done it for her.

            “I’m not sure,” she admitted, “but I want to try. I want to get back to normal as soon as possible…” 

            She shouldn’t rush things, but she didn’t want to delay, either. The upcoming tour in Japan was in the back of her mind, though she didn’t mention it. She knew Noah’s stance on it; he didn’t think it was wise for her to travel so far so soon. She had even overheard him considering canceling the tour to stay with her and help her fully recover. 

            She wouldn’t allow that, wouldn’t let it happen.  

            “Maybe working a little might…”

            “No, no work for a while, Lia,” he interjected firlmy, shaking his head. 

            She didn’t argue, just let her shoulders drop.  

            “Let’s finish breakfast and then we’ll decide together, okay? We’ll make a plan for the next few days,” he proposed, “including calling your therapist and scheduling a doctor’s appointment for next week.” 

            “Noah, I don’t think a doctor’s appointment so soon is req—”

            “Are you going to argue with me on that? Seriously?” 

            “No, but—”

            “Therapist,” he repeated, leaving no room for discussion. “And then a doctor’s appointment.”

            She huffed. 

            “Okay.”

            Her defeated expression made his features soften. He reached out and touched her chin with his fingers, drawing her tired eyes to meet his.  

            “I only want to make sure everything is okay. We need to get you off the meds, and I want to do things right with you, Lia. I’m not losing you again.”

            The sincerity in his words would never fail to move her. She managed a smile; tiny but a smile after all. When it mirrored in his expression, he leaned forward. Lia thought he was going to kiss her lips, but it ended up being a tender peck on her forehead before he resumed eating his breakfast.  

            Before Lia continued on hers, she told him: “you won’t.”