#not bad enough to not Function
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#I think this might possibly be one one of the roughest patches I’ve had for a while#worse still there isn’t a clear cause besides like… everything#I’m exhausted and I can see that my mind is breaking#(mundane tasks trigger emotional distress like I’m one second away from sobbing bc I was told to move some folders from the living room)#and idk. I’ve been kinda in a haze here#not bad enough to not Function#but mentally I’ve been spacing in and out and the long naps and sleep don’t even help#feels like being stuck in this flesh prison but I know this isn’t internal. it’s external#I’m so fucking tired and probably ill bc my brother caught sth and probably passed it on#but I can’t really like. break bc what then#but also fndndnfnfnnf well. when you recognise unhealthy behaviours by putting up mirrors made of fictional men#ugh#d0 stuff#negative#sorry. just. I need to whine somewhere#I’d choose therapy but therapy can’t fix the current political climate so
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quick lil dae-ho thing
#rendering is lowkey ass but wtvr i did it really fast im giving myself a pass#im functioning at 40% today just not feelin it#ive just been chillin thinkin bout gi-hun which is kinda just my baseline these days#thought about the signs of gi-huns passive suicidalness in s2#i mean the russian roulette scene is obvious enough and speaks for itself. but the little things. maaannn#acting in a selfless and reckless way. he tried to be the one to split from the group during mingle when the number 4 got called out#in-ho had him beat tho#him leaving behind info for cheols whereabouts for the broker#him trying to call his daughter one last time#dudes ready to die for his cause its insanely obvious#god my favoritism is really showing cuz why tf am i talking about GI-HUN under DAE-HO art. my bad yall#kang daeho#kang dae ho#squid game#squid game fanart#fanart#my art
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As always wishing there was a socially acceptable way to simply say "I'm about to get weird and act strange for a little while and it will look unsettling from the outside but I promise it doesn't hurt anything and I'll be back to normal later" or "it is going to take me so long to complete this minor task that doesn't really affect anyone else, but I promise it will get done eventually, all is well" or even "the way I am doing this will seem counterintuitive to you but trust me that there's a good reason"
#basically i want to reassure people that even though i will sometimes get a distant and congusing vibe in person#i do not hate them and all is well and this is so i can continue to function in society#i'm gonna get the aura of a shelter cat sometimes but this doesn't necessarily mean anything is Wrong#or well. what is wrong is complicated enough that it would take a very long time to explain and we're not here to do that#it does suck that i am so bad at asking for help and receiving help and looking grateful for help. i know i'm working on it#it's just like at the point i need help i mainly need help communicating effectively which is what you need to do to get help#it is kind of like. so just do the thing that is hardest for you in the hardest moments of your life when you can barely think. good luck!#but i have listened to a lot of advice podcasts so i have better scripts for it now it's just.
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how far along are we with the queue?
This is the funny thing about the queue, right... the more it posts, the more attention the blog gets, the more asks I receive to put into the queue, the more behind the queue gets, etc, etc...
But the current posts are from February-ish, with some mixed in for "current relevancy" (ie directly pride month related ones), and there's ~200 posts left in the inbox/drafts, if that's what you're asking!
#i think this is what they call 'suffering from success' /silly#for every day i get more than two new asks the backlog is put back where it was/put further behind#the goal is to get enough posts queued up that i can up the posts per day number and actually get through that backlog#(without having to close the inbox for an extended period of time)#we're getting closer! no longer functioning on <2 posts queued at any given time like during the school year lol#anyway. yeah. the situation is dire but slowly improving#and that's why i have that 'you can just ask to have your post moved up' policy :')#not a bad idea#ask#admin
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IF IT (the fabricated nature of the reality you’ve been sucked into/the creeping realization you should be somewhere and someone much worse) SUCKS, HIT DA BRICKS!!
#nene trying to run from fantasy until they reach her reality together#vs mitsuba suggesting they run from the reality he knows they should be in…. even if he doesn’t think it’ll work in the end#and hanako pretending not to remember. to have been fictional from the start. in an effort to keep nene alive#vs kou looking away from what he knows is probably the truth#bc mitsuba’s alive! his mom’s alive! his life as an exorcist is a little dangerous sometimes but he’s ok. he has free time after school to#help with the school festival and see his friends and make new ones#ok the differences in how these realities are treated in the narrative and the character’s reactions to them are so interesting <3#shijima’s painting is just that - a preserved piece of artwork#a kind existence but a shallow one - especially for nene who would be imprisoned there#but the clock keeper’s world! that’s reality babey!#the sun isn’t just yellow paint. you could fall right through the clouds#mitsuba gets to live and kou gets to be there with him and nene gets to grow up!! like amane did!! until those hopes fall through#it’s enough to say maybe there’s a world out there where we could be sort of happy and sort of safe and where we could grow old.#but it’s not this one. and even if it was it’s not where we belong#but no wonder that nene wanted to stay! and that kou didn’t want to remember! and that mitsuba was ready to run from what he knew was an#inevitable truth!!#idk the way jshk discusses reality is so interesting to meee like functionally shijima’s painting is reality when you’re in there#the difference between that and the reality the clock keepers make by changing the timeline is that you know one is ‘fake’#once you know the painting is fake you can’t stay. but once you know don’t belong in the clock keeper’s reality you can’t stay there either#all you have is your own. good and bad it’s yours nonetheless and you have to live there#sorry for all the tags I just caught up and love to yap <3#tbhk#toilet bound hanako kun#tbhk manga spoilers#jshk#jibaku shounen hanako kun#yashiro nene#mitsuba sousuke#kou minamoto#tbhk hanako
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when it 6:30am and your slow ass STILL isn't finished the completely arbitrary obligation you set for yourself
(I know people don't mind if it's late lol BUT I AM STILL ANGERY OVER HOW LONG IT'S TAKING WHEEEEE)
TURNS OUT I ACTUALLY COULDN'T WRITE THIS ENTIRE TIME, BOY GEE GOLLY /j
#Pic is from the video “When it's time to pet your cat” btw#Text Post#CAN I GET IT DONE BEFORE 10:00AM????? MAYBE????????? PLEASE???????????????????????????????????#I CLEARLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING SEND HELP LMFAO#I have guests coming in the afternoon so I feel like it'll HAVE to be up by like 12pm at the absolute latest??????#BIT IDKKKKK#I'M SORRY GUYS IDK WHY I'M STRUGGLING SO BAD LMFAO THIS CHAPTER IS PERSONALLY ATTACKING ME#Funnily enough I'm not actually all that tired which is nice#Having functional brain power is ideal SHFDGJFGHHHDCGF#Anyways just rambling to let people know that I haven't died or anything the chapter's still coming just Very Slowly 😂
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Jimmy and Gary have a pleasant chat!
#bully cce#canis canem edit#my b art#animatic#Jimmy Hopkins#Gary Smith#This animatic has drawings that are sloppier than what I would usually do#Simply because learning the program and doing the drawings in the first place was hard enough#I used to animate in Krita but that program's primary function is not animation#So I switched to Opentoonz#And I really love it honestly!#The learning curve is not that bad#A lot of it is just the fact that things are weirdly named#Layers are called Levels for some reason#But it is pretty intuitive! And Free! I recommend it honestly#ihnmaims#That is where this monologue comes from if you don't know#It's really great stuff#Though I listened to it like a thousand times while making this so I am a bit sick of it haha
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"do you think god stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he created" except it's the qsmp admins realizing players including but not limited to forever, pierre, tazercraft, cellbit, phil, fit, bad, and etoiles are able and completely willing to break the server for reasons such as "to gamble more", or simply because it's funny
#qsmp#pierre crashed the server so they could gamble#fit could absolutely crash the server to gamble#etoiles is so cracked they had to spawn enough mobs to lag the server to pose a threat to him#phil has chayanne in pieces simply bc it's funny#bad would break the server to gamble and he is at the moment functionally immortal (22 totem pop tom over here)#tazercraft caught cucurucho in his chayanne pajamas breaking back into the nether and also shredded a federation build with a fucking drill#cellbit cracked their arg in like a week and may at this point have a more comprehensive lore document than the admin team lmfao#forever has been nerfed at LEAST twice and that's absolutely not gonna be the end of it#this is not an exhaustive list. god help the qsmp admin team.#shut up vic#block game brainrot
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"Why did you make Peri mad at Dev instead of wanting to forgive him?" dunno. Vibes I guess
#Gifted au#Like I dunno#I know peri admitted to caring about Dev when he was dying#But like#Yourw going to say a lot of stuff you don't necessarily mean when you're dying#Trust me your body is way too focused on keeping your organs functioning to give your brain the energy to think properly#At least in my experience#Before that. Honestly#Peri never gave me the impression he actually cared about Dev at all#Just that he cared about his job as a god parent#Like he always seems so disinterested in Dev#Like when they answered the door at Dev's birthday. Peri looks so god damn bored even when Dev is excited#Hot take I guess: Peri was really bad at his job and honestly just not empathetic enough to be a god parent#Like yeah Dev screwed up too but he's TEN#Peri is in his twenties yet half the time he feels almost just as immature#Idk that's just my take on him#I think he can definitely grow and change! But it'll require effort and acknowledgement of his own shortcomings#I'm sorry if this pisses any of you off lmao sorry it's just my interpretation#fop a new wish#Fop#Fop peri#a new wish#Fopanw
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y’all i can’t do this no more
#just put a fork in me I’M DONE#i’m ruined#RUINED I SAY#how the FUCK am i gonna be a functional member of society after this ??#look the hongjoong brain rot was bad enough already but NOW????#hong out here with his perfect body and slutty little waist and i’m just here….suffering.#hongjoong smut#hongjoong hard thoughts#ateez hard thoughts#ateez hard hours#joongie#🪐
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started off the day by calling an ambulance for my husband due to his horrible headache 👍
#he has chronic headaches so it wasnt out of nowhere#but its usually not that bad#today he was screaming in pain and rolling across the bed#even the double dose of painkiller injection didnt make it go away. but did ease it enough for him to be functional#honestly i dont know what else to do. he went to a ton of neurologists and psychiatrists and nothing helps#theres nothing notable on all his mris either#arnold’s laments
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And as I said: funky colored Emmeline to round out the trio
#their design is never the same twice#and i love that for them#they’re so cool tho idk I feel like I don’t draw them enough#they’re the least developed of the trio but I’m WORKING ON IT!!#because I don’t want them to be just plain BAD EVIL you know I want there to be a REASON#and so far it’s that they act that way and do what they do because they believe that’s what’s right#like what needs to happen in order for the word to function (because it’s their JOB to make sure the world functions)#it’s later Liam’s job and that’s why they exist to make his life miserable the second he was born#also idk if their name is pronounced ‘em a line’ or ‘em a leen’ because I always think the latter#my art#digital art#procreate#artists on tumblr#digital illustration#illustration#original art#my ocs#doodle#art#drawing#original character#oc#oc art#original character art#oc art tag#oc artwork#oc artist#digital doodle#digital artist
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When the SamBucky tags are already full of the worst posts on earth, and then you open it and see

#please things are bad enough#tumblr get a mute function already#filtering isn’t enough - i don’t even want to know the post exists!
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interesting ideas about AI art and by no means am I trying to send hate but I believe majority of people hate AI art is because it's truly just the byproduct of a giant plinko board bouncing through pieces of art made by artists who put love and care and SOUL into their work. A visual product of a math formula. While it's "art" in the most litteral sense, not having a true human behind it putting though and effort into its every detail, for many people (myself included) devalues it from a tradition artists work.
I'm a firm believer in the idea that AI art is inherently unequal to non Ai art, specifically for this reason. (Hope this made sense sorry if it's incoherent)
I agree in that sense there. I personally do not find myself wanting to engage in a work when I purposefully know the creator had used AI to create the entire product. Something something,,,I cannot find myself getting invested in something that is little more than a product. I don't wanna read a fic about my blorbos when it was written by Chat-GPT
I also agree with the idea that a lot of people hate AI art because of this heavily emotional, debatably reactionary mindset that stems from one thing: fairness. It's the same sort of emotion I find one gets if all of the work on a group project gets shafted onto them whilst their fellow peers sit idly by. It feels unfair to sink hours into your craft, spending all this time fighting to develop your skills and flourish as an artist, only to see someone type half a paragraph and have a machine spit back something that looks not half bad. Let's be honest with ourselves here and say that AI art, at least in a visual regard, has progressed quite a bit to the point where most of the mistakes people find can be dismissed as wonky perspective and the line art being a bit fucky, which is something a ton of artists struggle with too
People develop a sort of a superiority complex over it. I can't blame them honestly. A number of times I've felt it too when people tell me they're using Chat-GPT as though it were Google and when I see my family members and friends playing around with AI art. I gotta bite my tongue and choke back a chortle, both because it's kind of a dick move and also because I don't want to relish in this feeling. It's infectious though to feel as though you have an edge over another person just because you abstain from using Chat-GPT or whatever. Not to be all "grrgrgrr you should LOVE Chat-GPT and if you dare to say anything bad then you are EVILL!!" of course though. It's emotions. They're messy, intense, and oftentimes you don't really realize when you're feeling since you get locked into your perspective. Yet, I think it's important to realize a lot of hatred of this generative AI stems from emotions. Reactionary ideals and claims stem from emotions after all
I think ultimately what the conversation about generative AI should revolve around is about the concerns of labour. The several strikes from a while back from VFX artists and scriptwriters come to mind. They are most at stake from generative AI as tools like Chat-GPT are cheaper and more cost-effective than paying an actual employee for their time and effort. I would also mention the environmental issues, but if we were to talk about that we would also have to acknowledge the fact that so, so much water is being used up daily to generate power for servers. Hell, this post alone will probably contribute to drying up some marsh in the greater scheme of things
Anywho yada yada TL;DR: I agree yes but I also think it's important to recognize that a good chunk of your hatred to Chat-GPT stems from feeling cheated and a sense of pride and superiority over others for simply not using it. There is no quality to Chat-GPT that makes it inherently evil. I can't get upset at my grandma for sending me a photo of her and her dog that went through an AI anime filter. I can feel maybe some exhaustion when seeing a fellow classmate using Chat-GPT to write their essay, but ultimately I write my own work for the love of the game. I can get upset however at those in higher power who use it to push artists out of jobs. Chat-GPT is a tool that has its pros and cons and I think it's reductive to just basically sit there and hiss like a vampire when presented with a cross when faced with the mere word "AI", especially when your only big argument for disliking it is based purely in feeling cheated when someone types a prompt into a program and art that would've taken you seven hours to draw gets spit out in about a minute or two
#sp-rambles#Not to mention there's nuance to be had when discussing students and employees using AI to do menial tasks#I'd rather students use something like Wolramalpha or whatever to do their math homework as Chat-GPT is functionally useless#I've seen it straight-up make up proofs and just do shitty math that SEEMS right on the surface but is meaningless when actually applied#And I also would hope that a student would write the damn essay instead of handing it off to Chat-GPT#As essays (in particular crit lit ones) are designed so you show the capacity to analyze and think about ideas presented to you#But ultimately I think Chat-GPT is seen as a release from these things since let's be real it is pretty agonizing to do homework at times#It's a convenient solution that encourages a person not to participate and learn but to hand off their work onto a tool#It provides respite. It saves one from restless nights and staying awake till the morning churning out a barely comprehensive paper#Once more I do not like generative AI. I don't use Chat-GPT#I think it is only important to see the other side. To comprehend why a person may do things and to recognize your own short-comings#For example I've interacted with a number of international students who have said they use Chat-GPT or other generative AI to help study#because English is their second language and they can't afford to sit there in agony trying to understand something in a unfamiliar languag#Not when their families back home are paying 20 grand a semester to help them get a degree and they also need a to work eight hours to live#There's a nuanced discussion to be had here other than generative AI good or bad#Anyways enough rambling I need to get back to mass reblogging sad white boy and yellow cloak man yaoi and watch YouTubers play video games#ask
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#...... sorry for only complaining recently but oh boy#how do I stop feeling like life is moving too fast and I am barely keeping up and everything I do is too little and too late and not enough#i WISH i could have a regular functioning week for once again#just. doing my stuff without the despair and the inability to maneuver normally through life like other people are able to#simon.out.#today is a bad vibes day#a should've stayed home day
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i appreciate the existence of self-care resources and shit but i've never actually figured out how to use them lmao
how the fuck do other people just do things and relax without the omnipresent brain ハラハラムズムズ nonsense going on.
if i'm trying to relax i can't because i should be figuring out a project, but once i'm doing that project i need to be figuring out a way to make money, but that's not fast enough so i need to look for jobs again, so i look and find nothing within my ability/means and spiral
i can't spend time with friends without feeling guilt and anxiety. it's exhausting. even with meds i can't turn off the buzzing.
#stirring up trouble#literally sitting here trying to convince myself i actually got a lot of stuff done today that i was supposed to do#because i did. and it's not enough. it's never enough. fucking constantly hungry yawning pit of despair and misery in my skull.#i just spent weeks functionally incapacitated from pain and my brain is mad about the backlog of stuff. constant panic.#and then there's the fucking car issues. that never end. money is the only thing getting us out of this fucking hole...#and i know i can't really function or do shit if i just dwell and run myself ragged but self care is just Not Really A Thing For Me.#i'm so bad at relaxing i gave myself nerve damage about it. what the FUCK man.............
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