#not because im not proud but because im just scared | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sweetvalentinescandy · 1 year ago

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grrriaanwwnananannn i tried to make a cool effect but its not really that cool

sorry fo the casual negativity but im going through the craziest art crisis ever and like im completely overhauling as much as i can from my old art style so all i have rn are doodles ahhhh its so frustrating but i feel like i should post somethin anyway just to make me feel better

#dsmp dni #as much as that will help anything #hermitcraft #hermitcraft whatever season honestly #hermitcraft is very long i realized #in the early episodes of grians season 6 pov rn #ive watched it out of order so i mean i finished season 8 #if youve seen that one time i talked abt hermitcraft in my tags #u know how scared i am to post any hermitcraft fanart #not because im not proud but because im just scared #minecraft smp fandoms are…. not always the kind of people i want to attract #no shade i just dont have a lot of faith #grian #does this count as a specific grian #i dont know any of the grian lore #or any lore #i really dont care about the lore #theyre just funny guys building cool shit on a big server #grian fanart #hermitcraft grian #i dooonnnt know really #i usually use tumblr tags as like a personal diary but rn im just feeling bitter #I HATE MY ART!!!! I HATE DRAWING!!!#the art crisis is less an art crisis and more an identity crisis #i think im getting on the right foot with my art wnd then i feel like i mess it up?#digital art especially i just hate everything i do digitally #really negative what a debby downer am i right #but nobody actually reads tumblr tags #also its my blog i can be a debby downer on my blog #for archivial purposes obviously

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mcytblrconfessions-but-badder · 2 months ago

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the only people who understand the art of parasociality are ethogirls and the guy who killed john lennon

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#BAHSHSJAKAKSMIDOWOAMZMDOAPZ JXOSKSNAJZODODM #Just so you know i took a laughing break #Like out loud laughing none of that wheezing shit #And then sent this to a friend who likes the beatles #and then the tab reloaded and i was scared i lost this but no worried because 1. I have a screenshot and 2. Its alive!! This is so funny #Top 10 confessions over here #thing: ethogirls #Im an ethogirl!!!!! Proud ethogirl!!!!!#fandom thingz

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apologetic-artist · 8 months ago

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After burning my fingers many times, eating too many breadsticks, and watching a ton of video essays, I've come to make an announcement...

COLIN IS DONE!!!! HERES A LOOK AT DA BOIIII :DDDD

IM SUPER HAPPY WITH HOW HE TURNED OUT AND I HOPE YALL LIKE HIM TOO!!! X33

He doesn't have a tail or outfit yet, but I don't really care right now. This was just for fun. Once I get more supplies and hot glue, I will make the rest of him.

Here's a 360 of his head under the cut!! (Ft. Kaleidoskull by Lemon Demon since i thought silence was too weird and awkward)

Ababababaabababa X]

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aiscapades · 5 months ago

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girl i had huge crush on in school who was a very good friend to me she's so smart and wonderful and kind just told me she's proud of me for inquiring about a breast reduction i literally started crying what the absolute fuck I'm so gay and so deprived of love in my daily life what the fuck kck .?? HELLO??

#yknow when your whole body freezes bc youre struck with the realization people SEE you and CARE about you #my fightflightFREEZE kicked in so hard all i could do was cry and pretend to act chill texting back sowkwowkwl #at one point i thought abt going through gender affirming means for a reduction (vs plastic surgery) but THATS ILLEGAL NOW <33333 #😃😃😃😃😃😃😃#THIS IS WHERE I VENT NOW OK PLEASE BLOCK THE NOT TS TAG LMFAO #not ts #me @ myself: girl this is not the time or place #also me: IAOAKQKW 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🫨🫨🫨😭😭😭‼️‼️😭😭🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🫨🫨⁉️⁉️#like I'm proud of myself too :)#i wish I'd done it sooner like everyone told me to. like this has been a reality for me since i was 12 or 13 #when ppl talk about me they always mention my boobs. family friends teachers peers #at a funeral for a loved one when im 13 and an elderly relative brings up breast reduction surgery #but i was so scared (i have a surgery phobia and also extreme control issues when it comes to my body/safety) that i put it off #and now i am forced to be stagnant or else i cripple myself. which is a life i dont want to live #i dont want to lie in the floor unable to move bc my sciatic nerve is crushed btwn vertebrae.#crying hysterically bc i think ive paralyzed myself and there's no one to help me #being unable to dance or play volleyball or lift weights again.#i want to run :( for the first time since i was 8 i want to be able to run..#and that's just medical stuff. chronic pain stuff #that's not delving into gender identity or how this has destroyed my mental health in 7 billion ways since puberty #turning 25 this is the 1st time i feel like an adult and a Person. & i realize i need to accommodate myself & my own happiness #if i want to enjoy the life i have.#like i cant keep procrastinating my life #for a long time i've been like “my life just feels like procrastinating suicide” & that's very true. & i dont want to live that way anymore.#it's time i do things for myself. because i'm the only one who can. i can't live for other ppl anymore. it's destroying me.#this went off the rails sorry #i just wanted to make a quirky post abt the gay experience but it's much deeper than that and #i wont un-deep my thoughts and feelings for an internet post :) i am real & messy & multifaceted and #i seek for others to See me :)

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autism-corner · 3 months ago

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lets go

#last class of the year got canceled!!! guess who doesnt have any lectures left :3 YAYYAY #ok time to be proud of myself because aside from the class i predetermined to watch online I WENT TO EVERY CLASS THIS SEMESTERRR #and that is. so incredibly hugeeeeee #didnt go to every workgroup bc wth PLUS in the last month or so i stayed on campus to do work by myself almost every day anyway!!#owowowowowow #ive been such a good boy this semester its insane #^-^ im so proud of myself #especially considering that last years spring semester was soso bad really. its nice to be not-depressed ig. really does help #sillyposting #anyyyay im so glad i magically got better in like january this year. i think there might be a reason but also that doesnt make much sense #oh wait yeagh it does actually combined with getting a new job #(trans guy wonders why his life got better a few months after being out at his new job) oTL being out saved me ig. despite the horrors #like genuinely that and coming out to most of my highschool friends was what did it. thats crazy.#anyyayy big yippee for being better mentally. never knew that school was actually fun and not-that-bad if i want to live #yk i actually also have hope for the reason of panic yesterday afternoon. i feel like i can handle myself with that. a bit better.#i will still talk to my counselor before taking action but. i do want to take action. i just need to figure out what that means for myself.#=w=bbb #one could say.... big day for jace..........#hmhmmhmh mainly exams only now.... scary..........#i feel like ill do fine on 3 easily. 1 is a retake from last year that ive been slacking on and i am so scared of. and the last is so-so #^-^bbbb #big yippeepilled day today. awesome

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thrillerbrows · 6 months ago

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I always wonder what hed be thinking abt like. the state of american politics rn

#I have no clue what his political stance is because im scared to find out honestly. But i wonder whether he would be an ally to trans people #I know he donated to AIDS charities and stuff. and he was openly proud to have gay fans. But i really wonder how he felt about trans people #Was he even aware of that being a thing #Surely #I dont know #I see those pictures of him and trump and want to know the context but also i dont. I know trump was just some tv business guy back then #I wonder what hed think of him now #Speculates cutely #If anyone has input. im very interested to hear opinions

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saecookie · 1 year ago

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#i was so proud yesterday to have managed my panic attack on my own.#i thought i also had managed to do the right thing but turns out it wasn't the best thing i could have done.#today is trying to get rid of the feeling that life is.#im afraid of going home because i feel like i have stepped back so much. that im a weight. that it's annoying that people have to bear wit #all that of me #im sorry... im sorry. i don't have more answers. sometimes someone tell you they have a bad day and you ask them why and your friend will #just tell you. ''idk. im sad today and depressed''. and it's just that. i think. is it justme?#i feel like such a waste #i thought i had had a good breakthrough w my psychiatrist; trying to go with that sensitivity. but turns out im still. it doesnt change the #fact that its stupid and beyond understanding. sigh.#my life is not running away my life is not running away. it feels like it but it doesnt. this too shall pass this too shall pass #stuff that's been built won"t just waste away. everyone has something going on it's called life #i know i have to tell myself it's all in my head. and i am. but. but. but. im still scared #(therapist voice: what purpose is this fear serving? loved one being angry or annoyed at me. are they? it seems like it.) (i am loved this #oo shall pass)#(mantra)#dni dnid dni

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why-fucking-bother-anymore · 1 year ago

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I swear I've gone through every emotion known to man.... (And then some) today...

#spiteful angry a little happy and proud judgemental upset sad mourning #the list can go on #its been a day #my thoughts #mom went to detox today and will be in recovery for a month #i already feel lighter with her gone #but conflicted because i wasn't there for her #but i couldn't be because she wouldn't let me #and genuinely i didnt want to be because she was simultaneously never there for me #but shes done more for me than i ever could've asked in some ways #but i also never asked to be born wish i was never born and feel like ive never belonged here #like i was meant to be aborted but was born instead #and yet despite it all I'm angry at the world for the cards she was dealt #for the way she was treated as a child #and the way no one was there for her and moved on pretending like all was fine #(some generational trauma she picked up and carried over)#upset at her siblings and friends for never being there for her like she needed (but i also understand that she pushed everyone away and im #In the same boat as them in that sense #but also shes my mother and im her child and shes never been there's for me so how could i possibly know how to be there for her #i hate being understanding because white hot anger and hatred is easier #so much easier #ignorance is bliss frfr #part of me is also proud of her for finally doing this #scared that she might get mistreated at the facility furthering her trauma scared of her relapsing and what that will look like #wanting to be a support fixture for her when she comes back at the end of the month but realistically knowing i cant #spiteful because where is her support system right now? everyone has failed her #spent years enabling and ignoring her #i hope she has a support system or can curate one because it cant be me #it just cant #mother wound

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silentstaresfanficandfanart · 8 months ago

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I managed to make pong in game maker by following a tutorial :)

im just trying to learn gamemaker-

#pong #game #video game #indie game dev #small game #its litterally just pong #controls explained in bottom #its just a silly little thing : )#im proud of myself because gamemaker scares me

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jils-things · 9 months ago

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as much as i love coloring i think ive gotten way too ambitious lately (not a bad thing!) in coloring my artwork that its starting to actually intimidate me to keep going

tldr i recently found out i hate organizing my layers LMFAOOOO

#~ rambling #trust me. the coloring process is just so rewarding to me and it also very therapeutic but recently ive been challenging myself so hard #but in the end i am still proud of it :)#i say this as i try to finish my next soul/eidolon work for halloween #its scaring me because eidolon is admittedly very hard to work with when it comes to her ghostly form and thats what im going through #just lots of layer work #i should really try the shortcuts (like masking layers or smth) but im so lazy DSFHSFJ

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squirmydonnie · 10 months ago

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Today I was talking to my friends about my chorus teacher, and I was telling them about how I was in the middle for the line up.

And the teacher told me to get out because I wasn't singing. But I knew I was about to cough, so I decided not to. The whole day, she had been really rude to me, if I'm being honest.

She told me I looked bored.

And my friends said " why would she put you in the middle? You don't smile much."

I tried not to take any offense to it, because it's true

But I didn't realize it was that bad

I think I look upset most of the time

My parents kept trying to tell me that, but didn't want to believe them, because people used to say the opposite

#i said friends #are you proud of me #my teacher also said that i was sleeping and.thats why i didn't know what to do. but i was actually in the other room calling my mom that-#day. so i missed the instruction. i was about to cry because she wasn't beiliving me. but a girl who sits next to me told her.#i was suprised i didn't cry. but i do want to move on from this class #im tired of trying to get this teachers approval when it does nothing for me.#im going to try to just sing to the best of my ability now. and worry less about other things in the class.#i don't need to make it more miserable than it has to be because im scared

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barbietoiles · 1 year ago

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I started watching korean asmr with french subtitles and it was so normal to me i didnt even think to switch to english.... dude

#busuu my bbygirl #i encountered a word i dont kmow and only then i was like ah.. maybe english #the fact that i can understand most of it... by just reading...... HOW did i get here #to be fair its been 7 months. and also to be fair i am so much better at french than a 7 month old #progress feels slow but then i realise i cant send my friend clips and memes in french. because she doesnt know french #anyway. im proud and bragging look at me go!!! my listening and speaking are still shit but with time.... surely i can do it #i need to stop being scared i have such lovely people helping me TT #ANYWAY GOODNIGHT. WITH THE KOREANFRENCH ASMR (asmr nara btw)

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zenithpng · 1 year ago

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#god im so sorry for vènting so damn much there is something so wrong with my head right now #every bit of positive attention ive gotten recently or even just attention in general sometimes has made me want to shed my skin #and on top of that there are Things in my head and i am worried it may be ********* but im too frightened to do any sort of research into i #but also hooo boy do i feel like im faking because like jet come on thats a trauma thing. you just kinda got yelled at SHUT UP YOURE FINE #and thats probably the biggest thing fucking me up right now because like im probably wrong but what if im right. dear fuck what then.#ànd also im scared to talk about it with anyone that does experience ********* because i feel so shitty insinuating that i went through #something like that when i know damn well i didnt #like oh wow you had a weird childhood ok jet get fucked everyones got a weird childhood #anyway. i need to like #talk to a stranger with ********* so im not so grossly embarrassed maybe #fuck #also lìke i just wanna stop talking to everyone but i started a zine and i cant abandon that and its upsetting me #like i need to fade into nothingness but i cant right now :/#anyway . desr lord why am i like this. what is inside me. what is going on.#delete later #jet maybe you need to get hit real hard by a car and that will do a hard reset and everything will be ok #vent #ALSO MY PARTNER IS GŔADUATING AND I CANT FUCKING BE THERE.#was litèrally sobbing over that this morning. i am so proud of them and they look so happy but also i cant be there #all i want is to hug them and congŕatulate them in person and give them a big bouquet of flowers but NO.#anyway. UGH.

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arcadequeerz · 1 year ago

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the fact that people in power in this country care more about acting as if queer people are any risk at all to kids, instead of how often school shootings happen- makes me sick.

#the fact that kids can be scared to go to school because of: some random person coming with a gun #or that kids are scared to go to school for being bullied for who they are-#or scared of the adults that run it-#byt yeah lets go after the queer people who are just fighting to fucking live. who just want kids to know #that its ok to be who they are n its ok to be proud about it.#lets take resources away from kids who need it.#i'm so fucking tired of this country man. they dont care how many queer kids die- they dont care how many suffer #they dont give a shit about any child queer or not #this country fails us time n time again n then people act like we need to be so grateful for it #idk if i worded this well. rbs off because im just mad. and upset.#i want queer kids to be able to find joy in who they are with out fear. i want there to be places they can find #answers- i want them to be fucking safe.

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djarinova · 1 year ago

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okay, i really really really wanna do some writing soon bec i miss it so much but sims has overtaken my life recently, its actually crazy how much ive been playing it <(' .' )>

#i would write this afternoon #but im on edge because the gp is supposed to be calling me later about my missed period #and THEY DIDNT GIVE ME A SPECIFIC TIME #JUST 'THIS AFTERNOON'#which is very stressful #and im scared #but pls be proud of me for speaking on the phone😁#sage.words

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rene-2312 · 2 years ago

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I started drawing because my sister was good at it, and I was kinda obsessing over Rise at the time. I found it pretty fun. These were my first ever drawings I took seriously, and all of them are a redraw of a pose or scene from the show. They aren't the best, but I figured that I was pretty decent at drawing what I see. I was insecure, though, because I couldn't figure out how to draw them in my own poses and way.

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt raph #rise leo #rise donnie #rise raph #first drawing #cartoon #they're nothing special #but im still pretty proud of how most turned out considering my inexperience #i drew a lot of wonky faces and poses from the show #mainly because if it was messed up #you wouldnt be able to tell since the proportion of the face and body was supposed to look messed up #its how i dealt with being scared of being bad #now if im bad at something #i just move on lol #rise april #rottmnt april

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