#not just be able to know the terms but like be able to understand how these things work and how it all functions
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i know we always joke about how ace shares one brain cell with deuce or how dumb he is but just how smart is ace canonically? cuz theres like many moments in the story of him proving to us that hes quick thinking and people praising him for it too
Well… “Smartness” of a fictional character is pretty hard to quantify 😅 It’s not like they’ve got IQ test scores we can use. Even if we did, the IQ tests most people think of do not account for those who have different strengths or learning preferences, such as Kalim, who is not book-smart but is emotionally intelligent and studies better in one-on-one settings as opposed to traditional classrooms).
That aside. Ace is definitely the smartest one of Yuu’s immediate friend group (comparing them to Deuce and Grim, I mean). I think the “single brain cell” duo/trio joke is based on moreso how this group tends to get into trouble together OR a misunderstanding of Ace’s skills. Unlike Deuce, who genuinely does not understand the content (even having to take remedial lessons) and has a hard time focusing + memorizing, Ace is a natural at it. He has a good memory and can imitate a lot of things (dancing, a runway walk, other languages, etc.) after observing it just once, as we see in book 5, Fairy Gala If, his Dorm Uniform vignettes, etc. Ace is also quick on his feet and able to come up with plans and lies on the fly (Riddle’s dream in book 7, book 3 at the museum, Endless Halloween Night, etc.). Adeuce are intentionally opposites of each other.
He is considered decent in the classroom too! Ace doesn’t need to take remedial lessons (again, unlike Deuce) and is often teasing Deuce about how long he takes to do homework and other assignments (while Ace wraps his up quickly). However, the thing with Ace is that he often seeks shortcuts in school, which might be why people assume he is “dumb”. Him seeking shortcuts actually isn’t because he struggles with the material, but because he has limited interest in learning. (Ace cuts class, ducks chores/responsibility, and still makes a deal with Azul to assure he passes his final exam with little effort on his end.) This is a pretty direct contrast to Deuce, who sucks at schoolwork but actively tries at it anyway. It’s even reflected in Ace’s favorite subject, Magic Analysis/Enigmics, which he states he enjoys because you just plug numbers into a formula. Again, it’s easy and minimal effort.
Personally, I don’t enjoy playing into the “single brain cell duo/trio” joke for the reason that I don’t find it super fitting for Ace. No shade to the fans who do use this term, it’s just not my own preference. I prefer to just say “Adeuce” or “Adeuce and Grim” when possible.
#twisted wonderland#twst#disney twisted wonderland#disney twst#Deuce Spade#Grim#Yuu#Ace Trappola#notes from the writing raven#question#book 3 spoilers#book 7 spoilers#fairy gala if spoilers#endless halloween night spoilers#Ace dorm uniform vignette spoilers#Azul Ashengrotto#Ace birthday boy vignette spoilers#Kalim Al-Asim
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First Kiss Withheld for a Bittersweet Goodbye

Pairing: Rafayel x non-MC! reader
Genre: Angst Request: Helloooooo, I really love your works esp those non mc and I was wondering if i could request you to write about this idea of mine that popped up before I went to sleep.😭 it keeps bugging my mind although I'm having exam, I wonder how Rafayel would react to you not knowing how to kiss when he initiated the kiss first. But instead of telling him that you don't know how to kiss, you just dodged his kiss instead because somehow you isekei'ed into his world(and he knew it, not a secret) so knowing that one day you'll go back to your own world and leave him behind.(and knowing his love story with mc and how they tragically sacrificed for each other, how could you possibly accept these intimate gestures from him?) You just thought you didn't wanna do those intimate(though you both are dying for it, though you dont know how to kiss so if you guys kiss that'll make the kiss your first kiss while he already had his with her, mc. Somehow all the boys ive loved before reference) but instead you wanted to actually get to know him, the him aside from the game. So when the day that you're leaving finally comes, you guys bickered about who's gonna watch who walked away so you insist you watch him walking back and you watch him because you told him "it hurts less for you."(but who'll know what universe decided to do at that point? Will you be able to go back to your world or will he dragged along with you to your world? I'd choose the former since the world would go crazy if they know our sea god is real😓 but feel free to go along with my idea or not 💋) and if they were to get separated, they will forever forget about this short term memory. You never isekei'ed into his world(he's still your fav game char) and he never has you in your memory. (Pls if u don't understand, u don't have to reply. It might be too confusing since English is not my first language😭🙏🏻)
I gathered pieces of each result that I thought were really good and combined them instead. Here is the finished draft
The waves lapped softly at the sand, a rhythmic hush that seemed to follow Rafayel wherever he went. He stood barefoot on the shore again, pant legs rolled up, his white shirt lazily unbuttoned. You found him where you always did—avoiding responsibility with a handful of shells, half-sanded and glimmering in the sun.
“I’m making paint again,” he said, as you approached. “Want to watch me crush innocence into powder?”
“You mean seashells?”
He smirked, not answering.
It was so typical of him, this blend of mockery and mystique. Of course, he’d skip his own meeting with Thomas just to gather shells. Of course,e he’d act like the entire world was optional, except you.
He dropped the shells into your hands like they were some kind of offering.
And then, without warning, leaned in.
His lips didn’t quite touch yours. Just a breath away.
You could feel the heat of him, sun-warmed and salt-sweet, close enough to taste the ocean on his skin.
You’d known this moment would come eventually. Rafayel doesn’t half-love anything, not a note, not a gesture, not a person.
But you couldn’t accept it.
So you turned your face.
Just enough to miss his lips. Just enough to shatter the illusion.
His breath hitched. Not a dramatic sigh, not the theatre he was known for—but something quieter. Realer.
“Am I… not what you want?” he asked, voice devoid of his usual glamour.
You opened your mouth. Closed it again. The truth clawed at your throat.
You’d known from the start: this wasn’t your world. You were a glitch in the rhythm, a background player in someone else’s grand symphony. Rafayel wasn’t yours to hold. He was the star of a love story already written in tragedy and sacrifice.
“You don’t understand,” you whispered.
He smiled thinly. “Try me.”
“I don’t know how to kiss,” you admitted.
Rafayel’s eyebrows lifted in surprise. “You don’t?”
You shook your head. “If we kissed, if this were my first, it wouldn’t just be a kiss. It’d be a promise I couldn’t keep.”
He frowned. “Because I’ve had her before?”
You nodded. “Yes. You and MC, your story. You both sacrificed so much. How could I ever ask you to share that with me? To make this moment mine?”
The teasing in his eyes faded into something quieter, an ache you recognised beneath his aloof mask.
“You don’t want to be another fleeting memory,” he murmured, voice rougher than usual. “Like the sea washes away footprints in the sand.”
“All I ever wanted is to know you, not just your story,” you said. “The Rafayel who collects shells and makes pigments from them, the one who’s petulant and stubborn and scared inside.”
He smiled then, a real smile, half amused, half resigned. “So you’re not afraid of kissing me. You’re afraid of losing me.”
You looked away because the truth was too sharp to face.
Soon, some time has passed, and eventually, your time here has come to an end. You’re standing by the sea, the rift shimmered, the invisible tear pulling your two worlds apart.
Rafayel refused to look at it as you stood in between him and the rift. His eyes narrowed in quiet rebellion. His usual grace is nowhere in sight. The coat’s gone. His hair is wind-swept. There’s paint on his hands.
He doesn’t speak first.
So you did instead.
“You should go.”
“No.”
“Someone has to turn away first.”
“Then let it be you.”
“No,” you replied. “I’ll watch you walk away.”
He laughed, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “That’s cruel.”
“It hurts less for you that way.”
You tried to smile. Tried not to cry. You didn’t want your final memory to be of you breaking.
He flinches. Like that truth struck harder than any goodbye.
Still, he turns. Walks slowly back toward the studio. One step. Another. His coat, tailored, soft, dusted with sand, billowed behind him like a curtain falling.
You memorised every detail. Because you had to. Because once you stepped back into your world, all of this would dissolve.
You whispered his name once.
He didn't look back.
You wake up early in the morning in you're bed with sea salt on your lips. No explanation. No memory.
Just a strange ache in your chest and the overwhelming feeling that you forgot someone important.
You boot up Love and Deepspace. Rafayel’s character stands idle in his studio background, sketchbook open in his hands. His usual smile graces his face, unchanged.
When he speaks, it’s with the same line he always says.
Except this time… there’s a flicker.
A pause in his animation. A second too long.
As if something in him almost remembered.
As if some part of him still feels your absence like the ocean feels the moon.
divider: @uzmacchiato
#love and deepspace#rafayel love and deepspace#rafayel x non! mc reader#lads x non mc#lad x non mc#non mc reader
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tomura needs control, after being used for so long by the people who were supposed to take care of him, he needs it, thats why he so obsessed with the destruction of the world, especially the hero world.
dabi needs to relinquish his control, while still feeling like he has worth. this comes from him having to rely on himself for so long, training himself, learning how to live on his own, all while being looked down on.
now, if tomura fucked dabi the way he deserves, both of them would be engaging in a fulfilling dynamic that gives them both what they need which is control for tomura, and being wanted while not having to take control. this would help a lot of their personal problems and they would learn to heal, together
once they get together they would become the ultimate power couple, and personally i think tomura would realise that yes, he wants to destroy, but he also wants to rebuild and create something of his own, something better, a society where him and all his associates can live freely and happily, and the false society of heros is exposed for the sham it is
this would also fulfil the desires of the rest of the league. toga, being accepted. twice and spinner, the same. dabi would get his revenge and the downfall of heros, his father exposed as the scum he is, and compress, well i dont know what compress wants, i havent watched mha is forever lol
now they have an actual goal, something more substantial than just destruction, but how, you say, do they get there?
i feel as though with this new understanding of themselves, they will become even more powerful, tomura will be able to eject afo from his mind, and use him to weaken the heros, as well as becoming more powerful as he understands himself. an unlocking of quirks of sorts.
dabi would have something to live for, tomura, and he would start to take care of himself more, not just enough to burn out endeavor and himself. this would make him more powerful in the long term, and he would be able to do more damage to the heros
toga, spinner, twice, and compress would be fighting harder once they know they have a substantial future to look forward to, and more hope that they can get there. they would have more faith in dabi and tomura, and more drive
essentially, if dabi and tomura hooked up, they would become too powerful for anyone to stop, no one else in the league would die, the heros can suck dick, LOV for the win :)
i think like... 99% of the problems in the mha universe could have been fixed if tomura railed dabi
#cookie speaks#mha#bnha#my hero academia#baku no hero academia#lov#league of villains#plf#paranormal liberation front#tomura shigaraki#shigaraki tomura#mha tomura#bnha tomura#tomura#shigaraki#mha dabi#bnha dabi#dabi#dabi todoroki#himiko toga#sako atsuhiro#spinner#twice#shigadabi#shigaraki x dabi#mha analysis#analysis#i apologize if this is confusing#they give me... feelings#oh boy
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crazy how the sanshee plush is one of the few actual direct confirmations on what a non-act 2 Natsuki’s home life is like because of how cagey she is on literally everything. Like this isn’t anything surprising or something you wouldn’t be able to extrapolate from the games but unlike everything else we know about her the implications are right there on the tin.
They literally did the character bio trope where where all the likes are normal but the dislikes are about their very specific trauma it’s just so funny they did that on the plushie card
#the thing is the rest of the bios are mostly normal it’s just this one with the yellong part why did they do that#idk if I’m stupid or forgot the yelling thing being shown directly in a non-act 2 context but I at least appreciate the confirmation#since I might just be mixing up fanon and canon considering 90% of what we know with Natsuki’s whole deal is interpolated from small tidbits#but like trying to understand anything about non act 2 Natsuki’s background is so funny because she doesn’t like to talk about anything#so all we know about her home life is by comparing her to act 2 and the secret poem plus psychoanalysing her thoughts and actions#is like the secret poem says Monika definitely made her dad worse but the problem is we don’t know how much#anyways and for all we know her dad could range from somewhat average dad to should be put on a watch list#and sometimes there’s dialogue like the one in self love about Natsuki worrying about her friends retaliation#and it’s probably meant to act as a confirmation to whether there’s physical abuse considering how out of left field the question is#but like it could be interpreted either way so it’s basically just Schrödinger’s physical abuse for no reason#I’m not criticizing or anything I think the characters being able to hold secrets is cool and ambiguity is awesome#and the choice to keep the ambiguous is intentional since the characters only share what their comfortable with#but I just need to vent about that one line in self love ok#like idk if I’m just stupid but there’s multiple interpretations but it’s seemingly both a decomfirmation and confirmation#idk it’s weird but her dad yelling at her enough to make it one of her dislikes is at least something in terms of actual evidence#damn it I put a paragraph in the tags again I’m sorry gang I’m not moving it#ddlc#doki doki literature club#tempestmothtalk
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the way some of you clearly think bisexuals don't experience actual attraction and feelings for people, but rather decide ahead of time if they want a man or a woman this time and then just go and pick whoever comes into their line of sight next is so obvious and definitely makes me think you all don't need to speak on things you don't know about
#if you aren't bi I realllly don't want to hear you talking about us or our experiences#because it's just gonna be stereotypes or bitterness from a bi woman who upset you#I know damn well I would not get away with saying some of the shit that you guys do if it was about lesbians instead of bi women#and I don't want to#I shouldn't be able to get away with that!#but some of you absolutely are completely prejudiced and I feel like no one takes that seriously#if you use the term 'bihet' this is about you btw#gonna call out 'bi lesbians' because 'that's not how sexuality works!! you're one or the other!!' but then turn around and say it's okay as#long as it's to insult us??#doesn't add up.#so if you aren't bi go ahead and don't bother talking about bi people#you don't understand how bisexuality works#you don't understand how relationships in general work#('you could just get over your attraction to women and eventually find a man you'd be happy with so you aren't actually oppressed!')#(like okay. you could just never act on your attraction and not tell anyone. just like you want us to do. oh wait? sound familiar? yeah.)#'you could lie about your sexuality and force yourself to only date men' is not an argument you want to be making and I can't believe you#haven't pieced that together. because that exact same thing can be said about anyone
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every day i wish there had been a better solution for the qin su marriage problem.
in my fix-it fics i either have some other sect leader claim that he was actually madly in love with her this whole time and sweep her away for jgy's sake, have her mom confess earlier, make jgy decide to tell her for her own good and have them work together, or not give them a chance to meet and fall in love in the first place (i guess i could also make qin su have a miscarriage, but that's really sad and awful and not my preferred option at all), but all of those require tweaks to the circumstances, sometimes early on so they don't meet or jgy feels safe enough to talk with her or another confidant, or sometimes later like madam qin finding out they're pregnant before the marriage prep is too far along and telling one or both of them right away so they can make other arrangements.
with the situation being what it was, jgy didn't find out soon enough to do anything that wouldn't involve either marrying her anyway (and he didn't think telling her about it would do anything except make her upset and depressed) or leaving her essentially a ruined woman with no prospects and an illegitimate child who would inevitably grow up fatherless, which is pretty much exactly what his dad did to meng shi. this would be a crueler option than pretty much anything else, and given that he clearly still cares about her, he couldn't do that in good conscience. jgy tries his best to protect the people he loves, unless there is literally no other way for him to survive.
it's one more example of jgy being faced with a situation where the only choices are bad ones, and making the decision that he thinks will hurt the fewest number of people. metatextually, it's one more example of women in fiction being shoved aside and not given agency in their own lives, and getting killed off instead of surviving and growing as people like the male characters are allowed to do. it's just a tragic situation all around and i wish there had been something they could have done.
#the untamed#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#cql#chen qing ling#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#jin guangyao#qin su#mxtx#mo xiang tong xiu#yunmeng bee posts#this encapsulates the tragedy of jgy's life in a lot of ways imo#there's also the aspect of jin rusong - jgy believes there's a chance of him being born disabled in a way that would suggest incest#which would spell disaster for not only him‚ but also qin su and rusong himself#the few academic articles i was able to access (aka not behind a paywall) suggest that the penalty for incest in ancient china +#+ was public execution of both parties! jgy emphatically does not want that to happen to either himself or qin su!#now i don't know how likely it would be for jrs to have some kind of condition that would make people suspicious#(i've done some research on it bc i was curious‚ but it was either vague‚ behind a paywall‚ or too technical for me to understand haha)#but jgy is (justifiably!!) paranoid. people are already gossiping and speculating about him - this would ruin him‚ his wife‚ his child‚#and possibly his friends too#whether you believe he killed his son or not‚ you have to admit that letting qs carry him to term was an incredibly risky decision#and i think it was because he loved her. he wanted her to have the child she wanted.#if she couldn't have a husband who couldn't be around her without fear & distress‚ she would at least have her son. he wanted that for her.#it would have been so easy for him to slip her an abortifacient‚ or to smother the baby while he slept or give him poison#and blame it on the kid being fragile/the high death rate in children. i don't think they knew what sids was but sometimes babies just die#because he didn't kill rusong in utero or when he was a newborn‚ i find it unlikely that he arranged rusong's death years later#but everyone can have their own opinion on that i guess#again... if jgy was as awful as people seem to believe he is‚ he'd have just murdered his way out easily and survived the book!#his love is his downfall!!!
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It’s man versus nature, but the question stands as such: is it morally acceptable to allow a dangerous organism like the Corruption to thrive at the expense of human lives?
Nature should be left alone, yeah, but when does the cost become too high? Two civilizations that we know of were destroyed, countless lives were lost just from those two alone, and who knows how many other undocumented peoples were wiped out by the Corruption? The Keepers didn’t even know the dwarves and giants existed until April, so how many other civilizations, countries, families, people have been killed off?
Because the Corruption is reasonably sentient, maybe it’s possible to reason with it. But also? It doesn’t see what it’s doing as anything different from what the players have been doing to each other, that’s why it’s so easy for Pangi and Bad and Pili to understand its point of view; if humans can kill each other to survive, why can’t the Corruption?
This, again, goes back to man versus nature. Who deserves to live? The Corruption is doing what it needs to do to survive, but Lukey making a cure and trying to kill the Corruption is him trying to survive. He watched as an entire kingdom of people died and as nobody could do anything to stop it. He is quite genuinely the only survivor out of an untold amount of people, doesn’t he have the right to want the parasite that destroyed his home destroyed itself?
The Corruption is like a particularly dangerous strain of bacteria. It wants to survive just like any other living thing, but it surviving means that other living things have to die. It’s a parasite to players- Pangi, most notably- and it actively destroys land so that it itself can grow- remember, any blocks it replaces when spreading are just gone. Sure, it’s a lonely little thing, but does loneliness excuse the death of thousands and the destruction of the literal world?
Bacteria are living things, and it can be argued that every form of life has some sort of sentience. But does that mean that we should let a dangerous, lethal strain of bacteria loose on the world just because it wants to live? Going back to the ‘mind controlling’ fungi, does it wanting to survive meant that we should let it do its thing if it evolves into being able to take over larger creatures than ants or wasps?
It’s man versus nature. With the amount of sentience the Corruption has, it might be possible to negotiate with it. It can stop spreading and trying to mind control people in exchange for a willing host body and a seat at the table alongside the humans. It doesn’t need to destroy the Realm for it to have friends, it doesn’t need to take over peoples’ bodies in order for them to like it, but does the Corruption recognize this? Is it intelligent enough to? Or does it even care?
Everyone saying that the Corruption is actually misunderstood is technically right, but them immediately switching to calling it a strictly good thing or an innocent, misunderstood organism is Wrong. Something being misunderstood doesn’t mean that it’s automatically a good thing, just like how being misunderstood doesn’t make something automatically bad. There’s a grey area in general when it comes to regulating nature, and it’s genuinely impossible to judge non-human organisms under human terms of morality. The Corruption itself isn’t strictly good nor evil, but the actions it has taken over the past however-many years do give humanity the right to want it dead and gone.
The Corruption isn’t evil in the same way as it isn’t actually good, either. It’s a living organism akin to, say, a fungus. It just wants to live and grow and spread, and that isn’t necessarily evil; it’s impossible to judge it by human senses of morality because it isn’t human.
But it is important to remember that every single member of the former Kingdom of Null besides trLukey was either killed by the Corruption and its Calamities or corrupted and turned into Keepers. And, with the Keepers, we’ve only seen the few who survived with their minds intact. Most lost their minds and were locked away for their own safety, and all of them lost their physical bodies and their voices.
And then there’s what happened with the dwarves and the giants. From what I remember, the giants became corrupted and killed off most of all of the dwarves on the server, making it two for two in civilization destroying.
And then there’s what it did to a certain few outworlders, trPangi especially. It probably sought him out as a host because he was kind to it before the End Fight, but attempting to bring it into the ‘family’ ended with him absolutely miserable before losing his memories and him debatably more miserable up to the point of him getting cured. It erased his memories and took out his eye. It tried forcing him to kill trLukey and trAimsey enough times that even Lifesteal Pangi was terrified of hurting these complete strangers. The way he described it, the Corruption was trying to erase him and turn him into just a puppet of it.
Granted, trAce and trAsh are pretty chill with the Corruption, but Ash doesn’t remember anything but being corrupted and Ace is corrupted down to his very soul. The Corruption treats them both well, but also? Huge potential of it doing what it did to Pangi and making them accept it?
If anyone has heard of The Last Of Us, they know that there are types of fungus in the real world capable of biological ‘mind control.’ Is that evil? Not really, that’s just how those organisms have adapted for survival.
But when the Corruption has been shown to be capable of this kind of mind control- in a literal sense this time, how can we trust what it’s saying through trBad that it really isn’t that bad? It isn’t evil, yeah, but that doesn’t mean that it’s as harmless as it wants people to think it is, either. Whether it means to be or not, it has hurt people. Entire civilizations are dead. While that might just be a means of survival for the Corruption, it’s also a bunch of reasons for people like trLukey and trAimsey and the dwarves to hate the Corruption and what it does. People they loved are dead or seemingly being puppeted around by a sentient world-destroying parasite who, in its loneliness, has adapted itself into becoming something that will destroy the entire world in order to stop feeling so alone.
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there’s something i feel i can remember..! i don’t want to forget what’s going on. i don’t want to be trapped like this. and i tried again, and stanley pushed a button. is it over? i’m going back. this is more important than you can ever know. this isn’t a challenge, it’s a tragedy. what else is there? what came before this?i can’t lose myself in the stretch of emptiness between you and me. the end will be here soon. very soon. i can wait. i wish you to feel afraid as i do. i’ll give it all up, i’ll burn my story to the ground! it was the only thing in the world that was mine and you’ve run it into the ground. the end is never the end. i can’t quite recall, but i believe my story took place in an office building… is that correct? do you remember? it’s all determined? why don’t i get to decide? why don’t i get a say in all this? the end is never the end. the story needs this. it’s all out of my control now. just your decision as to exactly when you’re going to make me suffer, to leave me all alone. the end is never the end. i know you too well. i need this. and stanley was happy. i will be laughing at every second of your inevitable life from the moment we fade in, to the moment i say “happily ever after”. and stanley was happy. i wanted us to be happy here. and stanley was happy. the story needs you. it cannot exist without you. and stanley was happy. take as much time as you need. and stanley was happy. this is a very sad story about the death of a man named stanley. and stanley was happy. i did enjoy telling his story. so very much. this is the story of a man named stanley. i hope you like it. i hope you understand it. i hope you set stanley free.
#the stanley parable#tsp#tsp narrator#tspud#the ramblings of a lunatic#guys when they replay the stanley parable after forgetting just how royally fucked up it is#like. nobody i know gets it. nobody REALLY gets it#they don’t know… they don’t know..!!!#becuz DUDE. this game drives me INSANE.#you’re going to forget everything. you don’t want to forget anything.#everything will happen again so you’ll never forget. you will never grow as a person because of this.#THE CYCLE! GUYS! THE FUCKING CYCLEEEE#narrator how does it feel. being the truth. when there is no truth. unreliable but the only reliable source#being in control but not of yourself. living but never remembering.#stuck in your time and your mind no matter what you do no matter what happens you will never remember!!!#you will never be able to learn! you will never be able to change it!#you won’t even remember that you wanted to! you won’t remember that you need to!#you won’t remember what you gained or what you lost!#and you’ll forget your own story one day!#you are a showcase you are a short term memory loop put on display for people to gasp at and play with and make money off of#he knows that too!! but he doesn’t at the same time!!!!#he will remember and then forget over and over and over#but we get to remember everything#and he would never understand any look of pity sent his way#help? i don’t need help. what is there to help me with? i have everything i need here. my story and my protagonist.#but ohhhh… ohhhhh buddy. you will never know#he will literally never know#and it drives me fucking insane.
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the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here
#which necessarily of course says something abt their (non)whiteness#(i had all these words in quotation marks first so mentally add those to whiteness too)#but we've them be black for all of 1.5 episode now so#lets see how that develops you know#also i dont think i understand the politics of that part well enough to say much abt it#not that i probably understand the politics of these parts better but#im annoyed enough abt this Thing happening these years. in these 20s i guess. the 'representation' thing#to complain abt it anyway#the dsm isnt real and it isnt gonna fuck you buddy#maybe i'll read some books and then one day i'll write an essay driven by spite and pettiness#i wonder if i can make the thesis statement about the tension between their status of main character#in a 60 year running family adventure show vs this therapy thing we're doing now#like. you cant do that. in terms of like. what story is and does. what a character is and does. it strains#in an interesting way. like im not saying they Shouldnt have done it. im just observing. that you cant do that really. i think#or maybe you can! but i'll find that out#i also dont know shit abt narratology or whatever so. need to read books first. sigh#always have to pause my thoughts to read myself in first its so annoying. esp bc i rarely really do#bc then new thoughts new things to do you cant do EVERYTHING. you can do almost nothing. bane of my existence really#but like you might even be able to say smth interesting here about whether you can call them traumatised at all#remember that article i saw around on tumblr a few years ago i think that was abt like. some scholar in the middle east maybe#saying that ptsd is a western thing bc it necessitates a Post#all of this is western. psychiatry is western. its all stories. how you conceptualise trauma is a story#whos Other is story#where youre from is a story what you stand for is a story who you are is a story#ah. checked the article. dr samah jabr. palestinian. i'll start with her book maybe
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I'm planning on learning filet crochet so I can make a challah cover... I've got some crochet thread because I think it's going to have a nice drape but I'm so excited. I love the idea of crafting as many judaica things as possible (how cool would it be to hand-make a mezuzah case or havdalah candles?!)....... 😫
#jumblr#jewish conversion#jew by choice#personal thoughts tag#i really find crochet thread to be unruly compared to the yarn i like using in terms of weight but... the drape of a thin fabric...........#i know i've talked a lot about this but i haven't gotten around to actually doing the crafting part of trying to make judaica#i wonder just how much judaica i'd be able to make though..........#one day when i actually understand filet crochet and pattern making i'll make an actually jewish-themed cover but for now it'll be plain#i have an idea for a challah cover that i'd like...#...it'd be white with bright maroon pomegranates and maybe a dove in the middle or a golden magen david
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i'll be completely honest... i don't want to study for the exam i have tomorrow! as it is i've procrastinated enough by spending half the day making collages but i guarantee i'll procrastinate some more
#melonposting#the annoying thing about this exam is that it's much more memorization-based#for subjects like stats the main way to study is to practice. to understand techniques and intuitively know how to use them#especially when you aren't required to know formulas off the top of your head#there's a certain inherent logic to it that exists on its own. you don't have to really stuff your brain with things#it's procedural#but for my jewish texts final... i have to be able to define all of these terms. to match up people to places and time periods#i have to stuff my brain with sentences... descriptions and translations and such...#because it's knowledge of material instead of knowledge of methodology#and it's funny for me to complain about that when i've historically prattled on about my distaste for doing math#but at the same time i don't entirely dislike it. it can be very satisfying at times#and also non-math subjects can be just as stressful or frustrating at times... if not more so!#in any event my stats final is behind me so i'm no longer worrying about it. my jewish texts final is the big fish to fry
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Okay svsss fandom give me your thoughts
So i was thinking about that scene where sqq jokingly asks the system if it ever worked with the harry potter franchise before and got inspired to write a harry potter au for svsss. The characters that would be involved are bingqiu and moshang but i can't figure out what Hogwarts house they would be in so do tell me your ideas.
How the story would go?
Basically the system malfunctions and suddenly transmigrated the 4 of them into the Harry Potter world. They can only escape if they help protect Harry and figure out who's the evil person trying to kill him (it's going to be centered in book 1). The problem? None of them knows about Harry Potter and so they're in a panic trying to solve who the evil person is without realizing Harry practically could not be killed because of the prophecy.
#svsss#bingqiu#moshang#harry Potter au#does this makes sense? i hope it does#will i be able to finish it fast? probably not seeing as i have 2 other wips that are still uh in progress#but i want to write them panicking in Hogwarts so bad#binghe and mobei would be the confused ones like what just happened??? what is this system???#while qinghua and qingqiu are losing their mind yelling at the system#cue a very confused binghe going 'shizun? what just happened? do yk what this system is???'#cue mobei just staring at qinghua hard bcs he can see that qinghua seems to know what the system is and wants explanation#cue cumplane panicking about two things#1) how tf are they gonna figure out and save the kid by the end of the school term#2) how tf are they gonna explain to lbh and mbj about the system without outing themselves#they won't be part of the first years there#I'm gonna make them get isekai'd into some random made up senior students bcs i think it would be funnier#bcs then we also see them trying to figure out how to fit in their new character#also cue a confused lbh and mbj questioning the language that they're hearing for the first time#but for some reason understand it#does lbh stop calling sqq shizun? no and it complicates matters for sqq to explain to ppl who thought it was his nickname and calls him that#would sqq and sqh ever read harry potter? idk tbh but i think of them as someone who mainly reads only webnovels here so take that
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i really dont understand studying at all like genuinely i don't know what it is . i know about "taking notes" and "reading the textbook" and that's it . quizlet doesn't do shit for me because i don't know what to. do. with the cards. look at them ? am i supposed to just look at them . No one bothered teaching me actual skills bc i got good grades when i was 8 and now i am so hopelessly lost . why did no one think to teach me this for when stuff got harder than four plus three
#text#ive never understood flashcards . like what to do with them. how is that any more different or helpful than just like... writing a list on#paper of vocab terms or whatever#and like conceptually i know 'learning' is like. not only committing things to memory but also being able to engage with it which#is why teachers loveeeee group discussions and essays. but like. you read the text and then you go to class and Discuss but how do you#Learn what the text is saying like how do you . put it in your brain and udnerstand and remember it .#i think im missing something very simple because everyone else in the world seems to understand this fine#like where does the part where you go oh! i understand this and can explain it in my own words. Happen#how do u force it to happen if its not something ur autistic about#Like the only example i can think of rn of this is when i hyperfixated on hpa axis dysregulation + trauma a couple weeks ago#so i was learning stuff about it for Fun and not for school so no comprehension tests or notes or anything#and basically i'd just put on a webinar while i sorted seaglass or worked on sewing or whaever#and i can explain the concept fine. ur brain controls ur body so if it gets too scared ur body loses its shit basically.#but i dont remember most of the words. i still can barely define neurotransmitter#i can apply this to my own life but i confuse the hippocampus and the frontal lobe and the amygdala etc#and i couldnt point out any of them on a diagram#i dont get it . like i know a lot and simultaneously nothing at all abt it#how am i supposedto be remembering words and numbers AND understanding the concepts AND im supposed to do that between#reading the book and engaging in thoughtful conversation with my peers i dont understand
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in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....
#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns-#that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭#to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space#like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use-#to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol)#to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum-#or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else#other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh#to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn#i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding#and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt#unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world...#its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow#and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while..#anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation#abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol#and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever#and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress#i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters.....#altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes#like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up#a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl#ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs#im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌#another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo#.diaries#zzzzz
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i think a lot of people have never been in a truly desperate situation but think they have, and this causes them to pass really harsh judgment on people who made bad choices when either irrational or having no good choices to pick instead, and i really wish people could get some fucking self-perception and work on their compassion skills and not fucking do that as much anymore
#jack facts#people be banging on about empathy this empathy that#and like sure maybe people have a measurable capacity for it but i can tell you what#that sure as fuck don't mean any fucking one of them ever bothers to make use of it when it matters lol#and i mean on the other hand it's hard to conceptualize how you would feel going through something you've never experienced before#i just wish people would be AWARE of the fact they don't know!#or like that there's a difference between ''i can't afford anything but instant ramen'' and ''i can't get any food or water''#or a difference between being freaked out by spiders and having clinical arachnophobia#or a difference between ''my loved one is sick and i'm really worried about them'' and ''my loved one is dying in front of me''#etc etc etc etc etc#anyway the longer i live the more i'm convinced that empathy is a garbage concept#and actually a more reliable way to act with true compassion is through at least some capacity for relative objectivity#the ability to say ''i don't know how that feels and i cannot understand it through comparison'' and to be able AND WILLING#to take people's self reports on their feelings thought processes or lackthereof in good faith and with sympathy#and also the ability to acknowledge that doing a bad thing for good reasons does not negate the bad thing being bad#but also should and does change what consequences are appropriate and/or most effective#and also like............... things people do in desperation or other irrational states do not represent Who They Are As A Person#or what it's like to hang out with them in a day to day situation#another thing i keep getting more and more aware of is like. if y'all can't even handle an irrational or impulsive choice that does harm#done by an otherwise ''good'' person under short term desperate situations#that they then do their best to reduce the harm of after the situation is over#i can not even imagine how absolutely unforgiving you must be of anyone who has delusions#and i mean real delusions and real psychosis not the hyperbolic babytalk version lol#like i don't think most of you even know what the fuck a delusion even is the way you act about things as simple & straightforward as like#fear. hunger. pain.#absolutely fucking exhausting
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.◇ TW (vent )
(sorry if you see this ,you can scroll past it if you want i just wanted to write what happend in case i forget since my memoriescan get muddy )
#I hate my mother . yesterday on christmass eve#When i tried to talk to her about something she keep on ignoring me not listening to me even when i asked her first before someone else w#A conversation with her she stops an talk to a family member i got angry an refused to talk with her and leave an went upstairs#She then started to behave agreesive with me by holding my hand harshly or my belongings by carelessly moving it#When i was washing my legs with soap and water since i didnt get a chance to properly take a bath and my legs wasnt able to be wash#She angrily started to shout when she walk by me saying i dont behave right that not right in the head that if i psycho i will end up i#Ward one with crazy people and that no one will come for me#I Dont understand how wanting to clean my legs make me psycho sure i might have taken some more time than someone else to wash their legs#Does not mean im pscho or have mentel illness?!#Even if i do have one instead of being understanding they act as it wrong an that the problem lies with you like they arent the#One who donate to the problem . i cannot completely remember what she said it was more but that mostly about it#Just now today just because i was standing she saw me and aggresively trow the pee bucket near me that belong to a family member it#splathered on me The reason i know that is because she is one good terms with that family#Member she woldnt have trow it carelessly without a reason
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