#nothing works out for tavish...

[kinos-fortress-2]

i just looooove to compare songs for my favs huh

[multiheadcanons]

MERCENARIES, AS QUEER AS YOU CAN GET ‘EM

scout: probably the straightest guy on the team. i think scout suffers more from being touch starved than he is actively a man lover, but that begins the argument of what makes a “genuine queer” and i have no interest in having that debate. its pride month and i got back pain and bills due. i don’t care. fact of the matter is, scout is a certified lady lover. he’s just surrounded by men, and rarely let off the base. so where else is he supposed to get attention from? furthest i’m willing to go in terms of gender is that he might be a passing trans man, because narratively it would make almost more sense if he were to be touch starved and trans and almost dealing with resurfacing struggles of what it means to him to be accepted by men. also penis addition surgery by medic, yk, lil franken-penis action, he can live my dream a lil bit. but i really just think that’s a touch starved young white guy. and i think every mercenary has refused to touch him in any way that could ever be mistaken as more than friendly. and scout wouldn’t fuck pyro, thats his friend. they’re married as a joke.

soldier: soldier is absolutely fruity by most homophobes’ standards. soldier considers it a natural appreciation of the male body, of which there is absolutely nothing wrong with. soldier is also batshit insane, and has blood on his hands from telling the wrong guys they look good. soldier does not care, nor does he consider giving compliments “gay”. and taking the compliment is always smarter when it comes from soldier, because soldier is an equal rights loyalist. he doesn’t care if you’re gay, straight, a dude, a lady, greek or an octopus primed for calamari, if your ass looks good he’ll let you know, and in that same breath he will fight anyone who wants to act funny. if you want to get in his face about it he’ll get right back in yours.

pyro: when you figure out what’s going on in pyro’s pants, you let me know and i’ll let you know what their situation with gender is. another offense member who is severely afflicted by being touch starved. the thing about pyro is pyro doesn’t care. you actually couldn’t pay pyro all of the money in the world to give a shit enough to answer the question of who they like. if someone likes pyro, pyro is in love with them. if someone is nice to pyro, that’s a twenty thousand dollar investment in the Pyro Murder Firm. showing pyro an iota of human decency and kindness will put them on their knees. they have proposed to every member of the team except spy. everyone has agreed. so pyro has seven husbands and you better not put a harmful finger on any of them.

demoman: demoman is one of few openly queer members of the team, and he dares anyone to speak up against that, because he’s got a set of twins called his left and right fist who are happy to educate you. tavish is cis and bi, with no real preference one way or another. as long as you’re of drinking age and confident demo will drop trowel. and tavish is very secure in himself! he will drop many stories of his sexual and romantic escapades, he has many! but if you have anything smart to say be prepared to back it up physically. and tavish knows that, at least for him, a skirt and heels did not a lady make. not of him. but he is also well aware that he is handsome, and does not need any adjusting in that department. demo’s mother kind of missed the shame boat, half the time she literally couldn’t see what he was doing, and when his father passed she tried to keep his spirits up. so shame was never something tavish was raised on, and now he’s an adult and it just doesn’t work. he will still go out in a skirt and heels, and pull plenty.

heavy: when the team started talking about how soldier might be a little… limp wrist motion; this became something heavy stood with soldier on ten toes down. the team was a little shocked, and frankly a little scared, because he defended soldier so hard. and heavy does not defend soldier on anything. very quickly the team caught exactly what he was throwing. the closet is made of dented metal, and the door is open. you almost think it’s empty, but if you stare long enough you can see him stare back at you. heavy does not deny that he feels aroused at women. he isn’t sure what to do when it’s men. so he doesn’t talk about it. he is enraptured with anyone who is physically striking, regardless of who they are or what they’re presenting as. it stuns him. he gets lost. one could call him attracted to aesthetics. and this makes sense in his mind with women. he’s not quite sure why the men are giving him the same feelings. there is something about a man’s weathered body. and something about the hair. it’s soft in a different way. and the way they sound. it stokes a different flame. he cannot find a connection between his preferences for men and women. he doesn’t want to forsake one for the other, either.

engineer: engineer is an enigma to the team and he likes it that way. these men are catty, and who he brings to his bed is nobody’s business but his own. that being said, engineer is pretty gay. the closet is empty, with a neon sign: “dell was here”. it is rare a lady strikes his fancy; though not an entirely obsolete occurrence. and at this point, he’s not really given the time to meet other people anymore? and with him being so far away from home, it’s not really a risk anymore for him to enjoy the company of men. and because it’s something he can do now, he does it more often. it’s a win for him. and romance is pretty much off of the table with him, at least while he works. bee cave is less than twenty miles from austin, known as the queer capital of texas. he’s galavanted as a teen. snuck out, got drunk, saw men in dresses and felt some type of way. came to terms with the way he felt in a poorly fitting dress and drunken makeup at two in the morning, came to terms with how it felt to fuck it off. the queers love dell conagher, and dell conagher loves the queers. some queens and kens still recognize him. he’s beloved, though mainly a myth now in the bar scenes of his hometown.

medic: a human being who has come to terms with and learned to love the body assigned to him, so one could call him a man, sure. he wouldn’t disagree. he realizes he is handsome, and uses every privilege being a handsome man with skin the color of paper can afford him. the closet is made of glass and he stands firmly inside of it, scratching. most people don’t assume he’s queer because when he’s asked he says he��s widowed, which is an unarguably Worse answer to an already invasive question. herbert is solidly aromantic. he’s passionate about his job, he cares for this team, he cares for his birds, and even has tender feelings for misha, of which he has struggled with. because it can’t be called love. obsessive favoritism; genuine worry and heartstopping tenderness. he has lost sleep, and punched walls, and screamed into the night sky for this man. he calls misha his best friend, with an intense gaze and an overwhelming confirmation of his commitment. he would probably never publicly say he loves others. not conventionally, which— societally— means he doesn’t. nobody would be loved by him and be satisfied, unless you yourself do not love conventionally. you may never have a husband, but you will have a man who can move mountains. very attracted to masculinity, though a woman wild enough may have a ghost of a chance.

sniper: sniper is autistic, which influences his rejection of natural gender roles. he doesn’t have the language to say that, he just says he thinks everyone should know how to do their laundry and butcher a chicken, and he doesn’t want kids. and sometimes his hair gets long and he doesn’t have the energy to cut it. sniper groans the second expectations become a topic of conversation. he wonders why its anyone’s business. and sniper is a personable guy, and gets along with most everyone! same way most everyone gets along with him. he’ll never have a wife, or a husband, but he might have a permanent roommate. they might only share one bed! they might cuddle at night. who knows, what is known is that becoming someone sniper considers family is having a permanent fallback in the form of a quiet australian keeping an eye on you; and you reciprocate by keeping your eye on him, too.

spy: spy will fuck any humanoid thing above the legal age with a pulse if he’s up for it. it’s a recurring joke around the base. another of the few openly queer mercenaries; spy has never denied himself an experience or a good time. and between the jobs and the operation and the destruction of what he knew to be his life prior to mann co, spy has lost himself. he is spy. that is who and what he is. and human, if he doesn’t think about what the doctor has done to him. he is everything and nothing at once, and there is a penis attached to his body, and because he’s never experienced having a vagina, he doesn’t particularly care about gender enough to associate as anything more than a man. he works more during sex and he imagines that’s the main difference. this body is fine. it does what he needs it to do. it’s more accurate to call spy an occupational crossdresser, and in a modern era, he may have even been a drag performer. if putting on a silicone triple Z bust and turning his grown man penis into a barbie vagina makes him money, give him the sign up sheet. he does more for less.

[desired-fantasy-writings]

hello! hey!

I was thinking if you could maybe write some headcanons or maybe some comforting/tender imagines for the defence mercs with an s/o with low self esteem? the choice is yours really, I don't mind either way

Defense Mercs with an S/O that has low self esteem

A/N: I love these silly goobers sm I absolutely loved working on this. The past couple months for me have been tough so this was just as comforting to me as I hope it shall be for you, my dear readers. <3

Also all nicknames used are exclusively meant to be gender neutral!

Requested by: Anon Warnings: Tiny bit of angst, self doubt. Readers Gender: Gender Neutral Fanfic Type: Headcanons Fanfic Genre: Comfort Word Count: 677

Tavish (Demoman) 

The most he’ll do to cheer up his S/O is by making them laugh, giving them love - doing his drunk shenanigans or whatever else to see them smiling again.

Is not sure how to be the greatest support for them, but he’ll try until something works! When it comes to his partner, he never wants to give up.

If his S/O’s into board games (or poker) related he's pulling the whole collection out. 

Gets into super deep, non-stop drunk ramblings about how wonderful his S/O is when they bring up how they've been feeling about themselves lately. Will go far and beyond to prove all their doubts wrong. 

“Duckie, what you are… no I- You're so… Don’t say that… rubbish… ever again. You hear me? You're so beautiful. I wish you could see what I see in ya.” Tavish drunkenly mumbles against his S/O’s lips, giving them sloppy loving kisses all over. 

The man's not a poet or much of a romantic gentleman, but god damn nothing will stop him from expressing his love for his S/O… even if it's not in the most pleasant way.

Misha (Heavy)

Misha is a special kind of man who knows how to use his strengths - in this case physically and mentally. Will hold his S/O close if they desire that type of physical comfort from him. If his S/O would rather talk about it instead he's a very good listener and emotionally more mature than most men. Thank his mother and sisters for that. Will not speak unless his S/O is done talking about whatever's going on.

As emotionally mature as he is and intelligent - he often has trouble figuring out the right words to say at the moment.

When his S/O explains further about how they feel about themselves, Misha scoffs, a displeased rumble coming from his chest.

“Vhat?-” Misha says, surprised. Nothing about what his S/O said was true. He shakes his head, obviously disapproving, bringing his S/O close to him “-Heavy thinks vhat you say is nonsense, my милый. You're vonderful! Don’t say such awful things about self.”

Dell (Engineer)

Dell's used to this sort of thing being the person that most of the team go to for advice. When it comes to his S/O it hurts him seeing them so down and talking so lowly about themselves. What they're simply saying is SO untrue. 

In this situation he’ll take both him and his S/O out to the camping spot near the base, just the two of you. He finds being stuck inside when feeling like that isn't good for his S/O and will make them go outside no matter how much they protest. 

Simple peace and quiet, getting away from their colleagues for the night is his way of relaxing and getting out of his head. He wants to share that with his S/O, too. 

Dell of course brings his guitar with him, playing sweet ol’ songs just for his S/O. Dell hasn’t forgotten about bringing his S/O their favourite snacks and blankets as they cuddle by the fire all night. Dell’s such a sweetie pie and would do anything to get his S/O out of the negative headspace.

“Darlin’, the nonsense you’re simply spewing is untrue. You’re an incredible individual that's been such an asset for this team.” Dell mumbles into his S/O’s hair, the scent of them further relaxing him. He snuggles into them closer, nuzzling his nose into their hair - leaving a kiss.

“Look… me and the fellas don’t say it enough, but you really are somethin’ special. We wouldn’t have won as many matches as we have without you-" Dell pulls away for a moment, grabbing his S/O’s face gently to look up at him, he smiles warmly staring into their eyes so full of love “-And… you simply have captured my heart like no one has darlin’. Remember that. I love you for you and always sweet pea.”

[jevilowo]

TEAM ASCENDED FORTRESS 2

An AU by me in which the mercs ascend to their ultimate forms

Oh God tumblr wrecked the quality-

More about the AU under the cut!

WOKE SCOUT: she started taking estrogen and instead of fixing her it made her worse. She gets into fights on twitter about neopronouns and has successfully cancelled everyone she doesn't like at least once. However, as cancel culture isn't real, this only lasted about three seconds for each. She managed to pull Ms Pauling also which is pretty cool.

SOLDIERSUNE MIKU: the ghost of Shakespearicles told him to dress as Miku and redo the salem witch trials. Only knowing one witch (Merasmus), he finished this quickly and now roams the country with Zhanna (who is now Zhannagane Miku after Mikus metal counterpart) spreading malice and wonder through the power of AMERICAN SONG COVERS. He uses a wig for the Miku effect, but is working on growing his hair out also.

MITOSIS: Pyro and Engie were shagging one time and they came so hard they did mitosis. Now theres 23 babey Pyros (count em) and Engineer is a single dad. There's a lot of Pyro Mitosis Lore™ in my head, but the basics are that they evolve into either humanoid, beastial, demonic or celestial Pyros eventually.

TAVISH, KING OF THE LOCH NESS: he did it he blew up that bloody sea monster and now he is king of Loch Ness. The self loathing has died down a lot which is great for him but his body is still a scrumpty distillery which is eh. Still, he has funky water powers and his partners Soldiersune and Zhannagane come to visit often.

KEEPER OF TIME AND SPACE GUY: Heavy was mad, he knew he'd been had so he shot at the sun with a gun. Instead of being a show off like that bitch Juno, he had a nice philosophical conversation and chess match with Time and impressed Time so much he was appointed as the guardian of Time and Time's partner, Space. His guns (the six angel thingies pictured) can turn into celestial weapons which helps in the protecting but people don't shoot at the sun so often so its a relaxing enough gig really.

GODDAMMIT ENGIE: after realising how much more efficient Gunslinger was than a lame ass human hand, Engie succumbed to his hubris and eventually replaced all his body parts with robot parts. Including his dick which led to the Mitosis Incident. Anyway. His chest is a dispenser which makes projects pretty convenient and he has a mini-sentry attached to each arm and leg, making him a walking weapon. This did not help with the god complex, but it helps with the single father thing.

THE INFERNAL DOCTOR: Medic kept attaching more souls to his own and selling them to Satan for power. Satan got so sick of this eventually he attempted to beat the shit out of Medic. By now Medic was slightly more powerful than Satan so this ended with Medic absorbing Satan's powers and basically taking his place. Somehow, his relationship with the guy who is now a celestial being was unaffected by this. If they really tried they could probably ascend even further. To godhood, perhaps. In any case, Medic becoming The Devil from The Bible did nothing for the god complex.

???: Sniper just kind of fucked off into the woods one day god knows what happened to him but Scout's convinced she saw him for like three seconds a week ago and "YOU GUYS HE HAD ANTLERS I SWEAR-"

RETIRED AND BECAME A FUNCTIONING MEMBER OF SOCIETY SPY: yeah. He's very happy with Scout's Mother (Maureen), and he's letting his roots grow out (his spy agency made him dye his hair black). He's even making an effort to be a good parent to Scout, bought her the trans flag ipad cover and everything, but she just keeps trying to cancel him. Maureen's sure they'll work it out between themselves eventually, but until then she has to keep finding more secure hiding places for the ipad (the best so far was the time she buried it under a tree a mile away, took Scout at least four hours to find and retrieve it that time)

There's also YURI MS PAULING, in which she pulled a whole polycule of beautiful women, but I'll cover her in another post.

Also TERFS DNI please. Woke Scout is just Scout being Scout (which is to say a bit stupid), and assuming all trans women are like that would be ridiculous. So fuck off.

[paranoidginger]

Last but not least, we have the Defense team!

Starring Heavy, Demoman, and Engineer!

Nicolai, the heavy weapons guy of team Blu, is a gentle giant with his teammates and a force of destruction for his enemies.

More intelligent than anyone gives him credit for, he is usually pretty quiet, but still more talkative than his Red counterpart. His English is better, although he still struggles occasionally with remembering certain words.

An avid reader in his free time, he will often discuss the stories and plotlines in his books whenever people will listen, although it is usually only Johann who will indulge him, leading to the pair bonding over literature quite often.

Nicolai is fiercely loyal to his team, and far less attached to his weapons than Mikhail, fully willing to drop anything to make sure he can protect his team.

He is the resident Chef of the team, and thoroughly enjoys branching out and trying new foods, although it's hard for him to pass up a classic sandvich.

Unfortunately, due to his loyalty and protective nature, it is incredibly common for him to end up seriously injured and in his medics care, something he doesn't mind, because it means that he gets to see Johann in his element.

When it comes to the demolition expert, bombs are not the only explosive thing about Finnegan.

He is an excitable man with an addiction to adrenaline. He has a rough and tumble exterior, but is a kind, sweet individual towards his team. He gets along great with nearly everyone on the team, especially Scout, Pyro, and Soldier.

It isn't uncommon for him to give his teammates hugs, and he's one of the best at raising his team's spirits.

Although he does enjoy the occasional glass of scrumpy, or bottle of beer, he doesn't drink nearly as much as Tavish, and does his best to work through his problems in more productive ways, although he will admit that when he does occasionally get drunk, he comes up with some of his best ideas.

Ben Connagher, keeping the last name of the man he was cloned from, the engineer of the blue team takes the mad scientist roll from the medic. Far more experimental in his buildings and machinery, he is dying to get his hands on a functioning robot, if only to take it apart and find out how it works, something rather difficult when you're on the battlefield destroying the things.

When it comes to his form of mechanical science, unfortunately for everyone who cares about him, self-mutilation is not off the table, as evidenced by the removal of his own hand just for the sake of replacing it with a mechanical one. It isn't uncommon for him to try and talk Johann into helping him with attempting to augment himself in one way or another.

Despite his mad scientist demeanor, he can be a sweet man, caring a whole lot for his team, even if he does seem more interested in his machines a lot of the time.

Unlike Spy, who tries his hardest to keep their relationship ambiguous, Ben is clearly head over heels for the man, going through a period of severe depression during the time that the Spy had been headless and stuck in an enemy fridge. He spent most of his time isolated and doing nothing but working on his machines during that time.

He has essentially adopted Scout, and helps with trying to teach him how to read properly, as well as teaching him other basic skills alongside his actual father, the Spy.

[tf2thoughtdump]

TF2 Thought of the Day

Headcanon? Yes.

Character(s)? All the mercs, team not specified but for simplicity’s sake, the red team

Long or Short? Long. This may take a while.

You're free to use any thoughts of mine in any form of media you make.

Thought

This one is real simple, it’s how I think the mercs would handle being given a baby. Enjoy!

Scout

Literally going crazy

Like, about to explode levels of crazy.

Gushing over every inch of this baby from her big eyes to her tiny nose and down to her chubby little hands and feet

Luckily, the little munchkin doesn’t seem to mind his intense energy so it works out

He does his best, but admittedly he is a bit… rusty

The first time he tried holding her, he wasn’t properly securing her head

The second him, he was just holding her upside down

He’s not the WORST merc to leave a baby with, but you have better options.

Soldier

Not really sure what to do with this….

Recruit.

He held her FAR from his body before opting to just tuck her under his arm like a loaf of bread

This didn’t last long though because he eventually found a way to keep her strapped to him with his belt

Uncomfortable, sure, but the baby could care less

She was more concerned with who gave her to this man in the first place

Soldier is your last resort

Pyro

Is most likely to set the baby’s diaper on fire when it gets full

He’s not BAD with a baby, it’s just…

There are so many better options!

They can hold the baby right, that’s not the problem, the problem is the outfit

The rubber, the material in general

Babies need skin-on-skin contact and Pyro.. doesn’t exactly fit the bill with that one

She’s definitely gonna make the baby uncomfortable but it’s nothing a good tickle won’t fix!

Demoman

Why?

Just….

Why?

Did you run out of options again?

Was Soldier too busy so you had to wake up Tavish?

What on Earth could be running through your mind to think leaving a baby with a drunk is a good thing?

He might rock it to sleep, but that’s about all you’re getting

Heavy

Your number 1 go to if you need a babysitter

He’s got three younger sisters! How hard can taking care of a baby be?

You’ll soon come to find out that with Heavy? Taking care of a baby is a piece of cake.

No complications, no fusses, no unchanged diapers

Just Heavy asleep on a couch too small for him, and a baby resting in his giant hands.

Engineer

Also another good one!

Doesn’t have much experience with REAL babies, just his mechanical babies, but he’s sure he can watch her for ya!

Don’t worry about a thing, buttercup, he’s got everything under control

Turns out, he kinda did?

In the time you were gone, he built her a rocking crib

Plus an automatic diaper changer

He’s just a little to busy with machines to be worrying about diapers

Relax though! If the baby cries, he’s putting down everything to figure out what’s wrong and how to solve the problem

Minus the guns in the equation

Medic

Well, uhm..

He’s not a bad baby-watcher!

He will keep that little rascal in his sights at all times! No doubt about it!

He could stare at that baby all day!

Best babywatcher in the world!

But…

This is Medic we’re talking about…

There’s no way this baby is coming back the same baby..

Sniper

Not.. sure what to do?

He’s a bit of a recluse, so he doesn’t hang around people that much

That also translates to him not really being able to understand what to do when given a baby and told to watch her

You know that TikTok audio?

“Your mom told me to watch you, but.. you don’t do anything.”

That’s him.

He takes “watch her” seriously

Now granted, Mick will let her play with his fingers occasionally but is really just staring at a baby in his lap for 2 hours straight and freaking out every time she cries or soils a diaper

Spy

Spy is a neglectful dad

We see that with Scout, so it’s no big surprise there

However, he’s not horrible with kids

He can take care of a baby just fine, change her diapers, feed her, burp her, lull her to sleep and the like

He just won’t be very enthusiastic about it!

If you want your baby to have a good time, pick Scout or Engineer

But if you want someone who actually has some idea what they’re doing, get Heavy or Spy for the job, okay?

[loquaciousquark]

hello quark! i've gotten to the szarr palace again in bg3 and am now super curious about tavish and astarion's thoughts about amanita szarr and vellioth! i imagine personally that astarion had no idea amanita even existed, and that finding out about vellioth's rules might give him a knee-jerk but ultimately conflicted rejection response—something about how those rules are why cazador treated him so poorly, so he rejects them on principle, but also his life experience has been such that he actually agrees with them... it'd be a tangle for him to try to work through, i think, but what about you? what are your thoughts?

I! LOVE! THIS! QUESTION!! Thank you so much for asking!

I definitely agree that Astarion had no idea Amanita existed. That Cazador had turned a full vampire and then imprisoned her in their attic; that she was resisting her compulsions and defying Cazador's orders; that a powerful vampire hated Cazador as much as Astarion did? No way. No way does Cazador ever let Astarion or any of the other spawn even get a hint of her existence. I don't even know if she knew very much about them, actually; I think if she really thought there was someone she could help or someone she could ally with in this very lonely, isolated existence, her journal entries wouldn't have been quite so despairing.

(Sidebar: I adore the tragedy of the attic in the Cazador mansion being the only place that allows in some shafts of light. I bet he did that to her on purpose.)

After finding out about her existence, I think Astarion would be conflicted at first, then decide that if she's abandoned them all, he's not going to waste another thought on her. He didn't know her, she didn't know him, and if she fled without helping them, he's not going to worry about where she's gone. He'd have even less of an interest in her outcome than his siblings, I think, and those relationships are already contentious at best.

Now, Vellioth--I think that's another story. Finding out that Cazador, who has effectively set himself up as god-emperor to the spawn, the source of all pain and pleasure and the total sum of their universe, couldn't even come up with his own base set of rules? Finding out that Cazador is just one more link in an endless chain of suffering?

Man, I think it'd be rough for Astarion. I can easily see him going in a circle of laughing at Cazador for being a pathetic copycat -> a pathetic copycat enslaved me for 200 years -> does that make me even more pathetic than I originally thought -> is my escape therefore worth less in the grand scheme of justice -> no, what I did was great and good -> Cazador was pathetic but he was also powerful -> it is admirable that I killed him and therefore he must have had intrinsic value as an enemy -> Cazador was powerful in his own way even if he stole from Vellioth -> Cazador stole everything from Vellioth & was nothing more than a pathetic copycat, and so forth. Exhausting!

Once he got over the initial surprise, I do think he would have looked back at his time under Cazador and wonder if it needed to be reframed. The account of Cazador's impalement is horrifying. The brutal murder of Cazador's friend (Cazador had a friend!) is horrifying. And at the end of that horror, Vellioth still made Cazador a full vampire.

What does that mean for Astarion? Did Cazador really think he was being merciful by only imprisoning him for a year? Would Cazador have ever fully turned him if the ritual hadn't come into play? Probably not--probably he's just as cruel as Astarion always thought he was, and likely even more, but I think it's one last element of rug-pulling viciousness from Cazador to Astarion right at the end, one last time. Cazador dies, and Astarion can't even be unquestioningly happy about it.

As far as Astarion internalizing those rules, I think post-Cazador's death, he has a kneejerk rejection of anything like them for himself, just like you say. I do think if he's not checked by Tav/his LI, he may unconsciously lean into similar rules for them (see: the nearly identical ruleset he gives a turned Tav after Ascending), but I think a spawn Astarion with a healthy relationship could be coaxed out of that mindset given enough time & support.

An incredible question. Thank you so much for asking! :D

[presidentbungus]

The first curse Tavish Finnegan Degroot was ever bestowed with was being born a Degroot.

He was born late. The midwife said his head came out and then he did everything within his power to crawl right back in, and thirty years later he'd say that's just because he knew what was waiting for him outside. They'd called up the Crypt Grammar School for Orphans for a car to come get him a while early, since it was three hours away from this poor excuse of a mansion set down in the middle of nowhere and that'd undoubtedly make birthing times and whatnot just a little muddy; the driver arrived at 8 AM sharp, in a repurposed hearse that served as the Crypt's resident Orphanmobile, and proceeded to sit in the little patch of mud an especially optimistic soul could call a driveway for the next nine hours. When Tavish was finally coaxed out into a musty room just as covered in gunpowder as the entire rest of the house, gently taken from his complaining mother's arms, and roughly sprinted down to the entrance of the manor, the carriage had just given up and begun to leave, and it took a gunshot through the back window to convince it to stop for a damn second and take him off with it.

Curse two had already been at work, and three quickly materialized; in order, time's general distaste for his existence, and a troubling disagreement with cars as a concept.

Ten minutes onto the road, a moose bolted through (moose don't live in Scotland; this one was captive of a nearby circus that had suddenly and inexplicably been descended upon by rabid elephants, which themselves had been performers in a different nearby circus which had become a gigantic sinkhole for no particular reason, and so on); the driver swerved, Tavish rattled around in the back with the coffins from the hearse's last owner which no one had bothered to remove, and the hearse rumbled directly into a puddle of quicksand, which quickly set to drinking in as much of the car as possible as the driver got out and started waving his arms around and dancing in circles and whatnot.

There was rope in the trunk, and Tavish was eventually rescued and set off to the side in a spot where the grass was thin on the muddy, insecty ground while his chauffeur got to work excising the car, which arguably is not a good place for a baby but bygones can be bygones; however, when all was said and done and the Orphanmobile was on mostly dry land again, every single one of its tyres was inexplicably deflated (unbeknownst to both parties, the pit of quicksand belied an old-fashioned booby-trap-styled pit of spikes; this had previously been the crash site of a truck carrying supplies for ancient tombs and haunted towers and such), and the baby on the ground was missing.

Tavish had been taken to a nearby tree by a very zealous hawk, who wasn't going to let anything stop her from raising this massive, squirming, screaming thing as one of her own, except perhaps an orphan delivery driver with a large and pointy stick; when all was said and done Tavish was saved with nothing but a few feathers stuck to all the mud he was covered in, and when the driver walked back to the Orphanmobile he quickly discovered it had been completely consumed by the quicksand.

Of course there were five or six more curses in action here, but for the most part too small and specific to bother with; as they began to stack up through his childhood Tavish found it a pointless waste of time to tally all but the biggest ones, since there were just too many patterns of unluck to worry about very many in particular.

[sleepy3012]

Trumatized Ivan: A Welcome To Raven Brooks Au

Summary: Ivan gets Trumatized

(Tw blood)

Ivan ran into Mr.Murtaugh's class and hid behind his desk, he couldn't stop shaking he couldn't stop his mouth until he felt a hand behind him

"GAHH!" Ivan screamed

"Ivan It after school hours, your not suppose to be here." Mr.Mutaugh said smiling

"Uhh...heh..I" Ivan was about to finish until

Two crowface's walked in the room one had a knife which scared Ivan. Ivan tried to run away but all of a sudden Mr.Murtaugh grabed his arm hard

"Mr.Murtaugh w..w..what are you doing?!" Ivan asked scared

"Got him" Mr.Murtaugh said looking at the other two cultist

"Okay lets take him to boss now we dont want to waste any time" One of the cultist said

"NO!" Ivan screamed

With that Ivan bit Mr.Murtaugh like a wild dog which made Mr.Murtaugh let go of Ivan, and Ivan ran out the room.

Ivan ran through the hallways trying to escape three of the cultist, now finding out that one is his teacher.

He came up to a dead end and stoped and looked around to see that he was surrounded one of them carried a knife and ran up to Ivan stabing his belly.

Ivan screamed like he was in a horror movie he cried, screamed, he kicked and struggled but the he didn't stop.

Blood went everywhere around the walls.

Until a moment passed and Ivan wasn't moving anymore..he was still and his breathing was short.

Two of the cultist removed thier mask to show that it was Mayor Tavish and Mrs.Abanate.

"Why didn't you kill him completly" asked Tavish

"Because Tavish if we did the boss would have your head." Mr.Murtaugh responded

"Enough you two lets get him to the boss before morning comes" Mrs.Abanate said

They cleaned up the walls and left.

Mr.Murtaugh carried Ivan snd walked into the forest where there hideout was, it was dark and rooms there.

"Do you have the girl?" Asked CrowFace

"No boss, but we were able to catch the smart kid." Tavish said

"Good Enough..patch the boy up and put him in a room, also how many times did you stab him?" CrowFace asked again

"About...17 times?" Abanate said

"WHAT THE HELL ABANATE?! That boy could be fucking Trumatized because of you." Leslie said

"Oh shut up at least he's still alive." Abanate said rolling her eyes

Meanwhile Mr.Murtaugh was patching Ivan up smd Ivan was awake, he wasn't screaming and struggling he was just laying there on the tiny bed.

"Well? Is he okay or something?" Asked Leslie

"Well you were right the boy is Trumatized and won't move, even when I putted acohal on his cuts he didn't move or cry he..sat there." Mr.Murtaugh said

"Well at least he won't try to get away for now" Tavish said

"The Hell is going on?" Otto asked

"Abanate just made a Smart kid Trumatized 4 the rest of his life" said Leslie

"I WAS TRYING to make sure he was sleep." Abanate sais rolling her eyes

They all looked at Ivan just now sitting up and picking with his fingers with open wide eyes, not blinking.

"Now you think you did something ass" Leslie said

"Okay okay maybe I took the stabing a bit to hard." Abanate said in deafet

For the rest of the day he tried to make Ivan blink at least once but nothing worked. Ivan just kept staring and sitting like nothing was happining.

Ivan actually listen to CrowFace and the others, maybe he didn't want to be hurt like he was in the school?

Leslie feed Ivan because Ivan couldn't move his hands, and they had also figured out that Ivan wasn't able to talk for right now because of the stabs in his neck.

Soon it was night time and Everyone tried to send Ivan to sleep but no one was able too...everybody but Mr.Murtaugh.

He sang a song to Ivan who was being huged onto Murtaugh's chest on his lap to help him calm down and sleep

I'll believe it all I won't let go of your hand

Two birds on a wire (oh-oh-oh) One says, "C'mon" and the other says, "I'm tired" The sky is overcast and I'm sorry (oh-oh-oh) One more or one less Nobody's worried

( song by Regina Spektor)

Soon after Ivan was out completely. Mr.Murtaugh layed him on the tiny bed, kissed him goodnight and left the room.

What was wrong with him? His one A+ student that is smart and sweet, is now just a trumatized kid. He just hopes that Ivan doesn't get worste or anything bad like that.

Meanwhile the kids:

"The HELL YOU MEAN IVAN WASN'T YOU?!" Maritza yelled

"Mari calm down." Enzo said

"Well she got a point Trinity, If you said you were going to the school with Ivan..?" Delroy was about to say

"Then where were you Trinity?" Maritza asked

While Trinity was Mr.Peterson trying to get anwser's, Ivan was here getting kidnaped..

[chiyeko-kurea]

white girl rant

mc tavish scottish accent i hate mini doorways i can’t see if someones comin in until they’re in the middle of my room like jeez stop giving me anxiety i love when i wake up and my dog is on my bed. i know it’s because im the only one who allows her to sleep on my bed but i like to think that in the middle of the night her brain just thought of me and went ‘i wanna go sleep next to her’ i know it’s not the case she’s just bored of sleeping on the hard floor yet she always falls alseep in my sister’s bedroom she prefers to go there just to be beside her oh my god the only thing that makes her finally go in my room is discomfort. but when she wakes up she asks for cuddles and to be pet a bit and i like to imagine she’s my dog only and she’s mine and she gets me and she’s not my freaking dad’s favorite daughter. and she prefers my dad he made me so upset today i cried and i felt ashamed and like a loser because i asked him several times to sign me up to a tennis class to try it out and he did and then i panicked so much i couldn’t do it because i dont want to be alone with a man but then it was gonna be a woman days later so i said yay but the days flew by and i realized to matter who i can never find what to say and im awkward and ugly and my whole lower face skin is peeling away and my teeth are fucked up and my chin skin is flayed raw and bright bloody red and i have acne and dark circles and an embarrassing smile and i can’t play tennis for shit. for. shit. so i acted all moody teenager and i thought my dad was gonna be like you know what it’s fine if you dont wanna do it i don’t get why you changed your mind but that’s okay i’ll just cancel it. he didn’t. he was aggressive and mean and purposely shamed me in front of the family and reminded very loudly the price even though he didn’t even paid yet and my sister had to go for me and i sat there watching her be so extraverted and comfortable with a stranger when i know i wouldn’t have been able to say a word that didn’t sounded weird and wanting to cry every second and burst in tears and my dad was so so mean and usually he gets me, and my sister saved me and went i got home i burst into tears in my room and he just wanted me to try a new thing and i just wanted to cut cut cut and why on earth am i this fucking awkward loser with my earphones in and too big black hoodie like im some kind of pseudo rebellious annoying emo kid i just want to be pretty and funny and shine like why do i the worse part is i kind of really wanted to try tennis. and i think i would’ve been good. i think would not have made a total fool of myself thing is whatever i do i am a fool anyway, i am a fool for even thinking for one day of my goddamn life i could have not ruined everything. my dad looked at me weirdly the rest of the evening and i wanted to yell maybe im reminding you of your loser son you lost to drugs no shocker we get along i also want to lose myself and you saw my scars you know there’s something wrong with me and there’s something wrong with him and with you and with all of us and wherever your blood is. i like my dad, he’s a good father but at the end of the day he’s a man, and not a better one than the others. if i have good grades and a pretty face let me tell you there is NOTHING you can complain of me. i am working on my appearance to be prettier to not embarrass you anymore but one day you will have nothing to complain about and i will do whatever i want and you will try to say what changed and i will say it’s not of your business anymore you can introduce me to anyone and say yes she’s my daughter she is clever pretty she has friends she reads and she jogs and i will be perfect and i will throw plates at your head and i will be the worse and no one will know. montgommery forever and ever and ever and i will blow up and i will become a doctor and have a boyfriend and you will say we used to laugh and i will say you were there but somehow the moments when i NEEDED you to understand me you didn’t. you got me but never got me. i cant stop seeing you as a man no matter how fathe

[admin-cock-creations]

Date a Merc: Chapter 7

Fandom: Team Fortress 2 Pairing: Demoman / Reader Summary: Date a Demoman who loves kissing your chest and tummy and making you feel sexy. Warnings: (18+) Sexual Content

"Tavish... this really isn't - ah!"

You were interrupted by another gasp as the Scottishman's mouth found your nipple and his teeth briefly sank into the sensitive flesh, derailing your train of thought. The man has been working all evening to get you to finally be quiet and relax into bliss as he pampered your body with affection.

Someone had made an unwelcome comment about your appearance earlier in the day, and while you tried not to let such things bother you, your boyfriend clearly wasn't going to stand for it. His mission seemed clear; to make you feel at sexy and as gorgeous as he knew you to be. His tools for such a job? Nothing more than his mouth and his hands.

You laid back, sprawled amongst a sea of soft furs, hand knit blankets and plush pillows, your eyes shut and your teeth digging into your lower lip as Tavish fawned over you like an artist mulling over his masterpiece. His hands almost molded you like wet clay, his mouth kissing along every inch of skin, every blemish and stretch mark and scar, unyielding in his quest to make you feel sexy.

“Tav,” you breathed out, but couldn’t find yourself finishing the thought as that rich brown eye gazed up at you without faltering in his ministrations.

It was strange to think of yourself as sexy, or even hot. You’d become so accustomed to hearing quite the opposite all your life, so imagine your shock when someone like Tavish swept you up and showered you in such outlandish compliments.

Your eyes slowly fluttered open, trying not to succumb entirely to the passionate work of your lover as he kissed and stroked every inch of your torso. But you found yourself with your eyes wide open as you glanced at the ceiling, a strange new feeling swirling in your gut.

“When did you get the mirror?”

He didn’t answer simply humming with gentle laughter against your stomach as he circled kisses around your bellybutton, leaving you almost shellshocked as you stare at your reflection.

You’d never seen yourself like this before. You’d heard of people getting mirrors involved during sex, but it had always seemed such a strange and narcissistic thing to you. But now... it opened your eyes, in a way.

Watching your body heave with whimpers and moan, seeing your skin flush, watching Tavish so eagerly kiss and stroke along your body. It was incredibly new and arousing to watch this familiar act in a new perspective, and admittedly, you began to open your eyes to what your lover was always saying to you. You were sexy. You were stunning and gorgeous and all those other adjectives he so often used to describe you.

Watching yourself, you couldn't help but be overcome with a wave of arousal, eyes rolling back in your skull as you let a deep, guttural moan claw free from your chest and roll past your lips. Your hands curled into your lover’s soft locks, a newfound swell of pride filling your chest at the sound of him grunting against your flesh.

“What I tell ye?” Tavish grinned against your sternum, kissing his way up to your neck as he settled himself betwixt your thighs. One of his hands found your own, fingers intertwining as he used the other to adjust himself at your entrance.

Your eyes opened once more, gazing at the reflective surface of the ceiling just as Tavish arched his back and hilted himself within you, drawing another moan from your lips.

“Fuck... I think you may have been onto something with all the compliments.”

[kissorkill16]

A New Location: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic

By JJ

Summary: Trinity finally learns about the Weather Station.

Trinity was pacing back and forth on the classroom floor, biting her fingernails and breathing heavily.

She'd been keeping track of all of the places her and the gang have searched for any clues to Crowface's identity or Ivan's disappearance, and so far, they still found nothing.

Just then, Delroy pushed the door open, Nicky standing behind him.

"Trinity, we need to speak."

The girl turned to the two boys, "About what?"

"I think we just found a new place where we could find Crowface, or Ivan.", replied Delroy.

"Where? And how?", asked Trinity.

Nicky stood in front of Delroy and explained. "Do you remember the tunnels underneath the school I told you about? Well me and Delroy went back there, because Delroy said he saw some people in black feathered robes go down there. We went down the maze of tunnels and we somehow found a way to this old and abandoned weather station.", he took a piece of paper out of his pocket. "I drew a picture of it when I got home."

Trinity took the picture from Nicky's hand, examining it closely. "This place doesn't look like a weather station.", she said, "It looks more like a Halloween barn."

"It's because of the giant eyeball, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's creepy as hell."

She put down the picture, "But enough of that. I think I know what you're talking about.", she said. "Black feathered robes, that sounds familiar. I remember this guy named Quentin told me about the Forest Protectors."

Nicky's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "What's a Forest Protector?"

"I can tell you that they probably don't protect anything.", said Delroy.

"But I can tell you that they're rumored to be human crow hybrids that curse the town of Raven Brooks with bad luck and keep all of the good luck for themselves.", Trinity said.

Then she remembered something that Finch said at their last meeting.

"What if no one is Crowface, but they're people working for him? What if they're being mind controlled by Crowface?"

"Maybe that's what that is.", Trinity whispered. "Crowface is the leader of the Forest Protectors, and he's mind controlling them."

Delroy and Nicky exchanged a look.

"What if the Forest Protectors aren't human crows, but they're people in costumes being mind controlled by Crowface?!", said Trinity. "That son of a bitch is making innocent citizens do his dirty work!"

"Yeah...", said Delroy.

"But the question is who?"

Nicky tapped his chin and looked at his shoes, "Well, while we were down there, we did hear some familiar voices. Mayor Tavish, Principal Abanate, Mr. Murtaugh and some other female voice I don't know."

"I think that was Gerda."

Nicky turned to look at Delroy.

"The baker. I go there once every weekend."

"Ah."

Trinity took the picture, a thumbtack, and pinned it to the chalkboard.

"Tonight, we go back to the tunnels, then we'll see who are the victims of this demon.", she said.

Delroy and Nicky nodded.

When Trinity left the room, Delroy looked at Nicky. "I never thought I'd say this, but you and I make a great team when we're not at each other's throats."

"Heh. Yeah, you're right."

[multiheadcanons]

OUTFITS I LOVE TO IMAGINE THE MERCS IN

scout: i’m gonna qualify this with i don’t even twinkify scout like that; but the idea of him in those whorish 13-15 inch inseam shorts for men is so delectable to me, shirt optional. i want to see his thighs tense as his feet hit the pavement and he propels himself forward. i want to see every muscle flex and contract as he breaks people’s ankles on the field. i need it so bad. i need more dynamic scout art.

soldier: soldier is so batshit that i just want him in military blues so he feels good about himself and the work he did that nobody asked him to do. but i like thinking of soldier in anything even remotely formal because it's so unlike him to wear. and also because the idea of him wearing something he is notably uncomfortable in and then shit hitting the fan and him tearing it off, becoming more comfortable and in that same breath an actual danger in his immediate surroundings is so... mm. love that goofy american.

pyro: i'll imagine pyro in anything because i haven't actually come to a conclusion on who or what pyro is to me, personally, so my go-to when i'm thinking about pyro outside of the suit and mask is just another full-body suit that covers their face. but the second pyro realizes that not every suit can resist flame they would probably go straight back to their own suit. but i think we could probably all convince pyro to get into one of those inflatable t-rex costumes. for a moment, anyway.

demo: if you see any fanart of demo in a kilt know i've liquified it and injected it directly into my veins. any character in their cultural clothes is so good to me, i just want to gobble it up. but especially tavish. a kilt, a simple turtleneck, one of those droopy fucking hats... demo pleasepleaseplease-- imagining demo in anything is always a tasty mental trip to go on. i just know he makes any and everything look good and artists solidify that every time i browse the demoman tag. especially when they give demo different hairstyles. cornrow demoman... loc demoman... afro demoman... the possibilities are endless. please play with demo's hair.

heavy: put him in a white turtleneck. bright white. pressed. well cared for, but he's owned it for a while. it's loose, it just frames his jaw, makes his head stand out. now put a sweater on top of it. deep, dark, bloody maroon. wool blend. thick. thick enough to keep him warm, just enough to moisten his skin. not quite enough to make him drip sweat, but enough to keep him glistening with the additional layers. enough to get the underlying scent of his sweat when you're close enough. let the collar hug his neck. like he doesn't wear it enough to truly stretch it out, so it still hugs his body. roll. the sleeves. up. to. the elbow. perfect cuffs. not a single wrinkle. tuck it in to a pair of tailored black slacks. freshly pressed. and a set of polished, black leather dress shoes. unscuffed. now put a bow on him so i can unwrap it.

engineer: for a moment i considered if this was a cop out, but i don’t think it is anymore. i want him in the world’s most frayed jeans and a tight fitting t shirt of any color and some god. damn. cowboy boots. i want him covered in dirt and grease and sweat. i want the threads of the denim to be holding on by the lord’s grace and a daily prayer. i want to see his boxers through the ass pockets. goggles optional, player’s choice of head covering.

medic: nothing but a smile. a towel. a blanket, maybe. okay i’ll stop being a freak. it’s so hard for me to really imagine the doctor in anything but his work uniform. from there i am literally just peeling off the layers with a very absent smile plastered on my face. i am gone. my favorite part of the process is when i get to his undershirt, past the button up, and his pants and his boots. like woah… save some hoes for the rest of us, doc… out here showing all that… slut. i want you so bad.

sniper: mick. mick. look at me. look at me, okay? relax. it’s not gonna be a big change. promise. promise promise promise. close your eyes, okay? we’re gonna take the hat off. nonononono mick mick mick mick. buddy. buddy. it’s okay. this is not permanent. and this is the only change, okay? and maybe get your huntsman, it’ll tie the look together. like the doctor, it is hard to imagine snipes in anything but his work uniform, but the only difference is we take the hat away and replace it with a rich, chocolate brown hooded cloak. it could be a full length cloak, a tea length or mid length cloak, that ends by his shirt hem, or like a little shoulder shrug for the summer. he’d probably keep the hood up if it’s a light enough fabric. make him look like a real hunter. embroidered leaves and birds as holes are worn in the fabric. also done in threads of different shades of brown. i’ll let him keep the aviators. i’m feeling nice today.

spy: unlike the rest of his support teammates, i imagine spy in pretty much any and everything! spy is pretty enough that he can easily put on anything and make it look good; but i particularly like to imagine him in, frankly, whatever i have on for the day. i think my favorite outfit i wore that i telepathically projected onto him was a sleeveless turtleneck with some burnt orange slacks and these odd cognac dress shoes i have that have cut outs on the side. i just think he’d eat those shoes up. but i think he’d probably wear that whole outfit better than i did.

[lonewolfinthetardis]

Hell Of a Thing, That Beast Jealousy

(Figured I'd post this here for the folks who don't have/use AO3) -This does contain suggestive material! It's not described, but you can that something is going on. If it might make you uncomfortable, stop reading when it says "he heard something else that made his blood boil." and continue when it says "Soldier stumbled backwards,". Summary: After overhearing his crush being with someone else, Soldier looks for comfort and answers in the only other person he can trust. Pairings: Glacier x Engineer, Demoman x Soldier

Soldier walked through the halls of the RED base, sleep had eluded him tonight, so he wandered the halls. With the arrival of their sudden visitors two months ago, he’d had to remake his entire routine, just to incorporate the 10 extra… people? No, 9 of them weren’t people. He’d had to incorporate the 10 extra beings into his daily routine. Which had thrown off his sleep schedule at first, but he’d gotten over that. His main problem was with Glacier, that quiet Ghoul had gone and stolen Engie’s heart. Which wouldn’t have been much of a problem if it weren’t for Soldier’s massive crush on the man. Yes Soldier had Demo, and he loved that man like nothing else… but he also loved Engineer.

Soldier was walking by the workshop when he heard a cry. His blood went cold, that was Engie! Had he hurt himself while working? No, Engie was smart, he had dispensers set up in the workshop. Maybe he could still check on him, just to make sure. But as Soldier reached out to grab the doorknob, he heard something else that made his blood boil.

“Hells below, Dell.” Soldier heard Glacier groan. “I love you so much.”

Soldier ground his teeth and clenched his fists. What right did that demon have to use Engie’s name, and how DARE he say those three words. But what he heard next made his stomach drop.

“I love you too, Glacier.” Engie said back, Soldier was barely able to hear him say it.

Soldier stumbled backwards, feeling his heart shatter. No… this couldn’t be happening… no no no no. He took one look at the workshop door, tears filling his eyes, and a roaring in his ears, before running down the hall towards the one place he knew was safe for him.

~~~~

Demo jumped awake at the sound of his door slamming open and shut, followed by a body dropping onto his bed.

“Jane?” He mumbled, reaching towards the man. “What’s wrong lad?”

Demo almost didn’t hear the sharp intakes of breath, but he could feel the man in his bed shaking. Soldier was crying.

“Oh Janey, c’mere.” Demo pulled his partner up the bed, before wrapping him in his arms.

The normally stone faced Soldier broke down in his arms, sobbing into his chest. Demo held him tightly and gently rubbed his back, placing a soft kiss to the top of the man’s head. He didn’t care that Soldier was getting his shirt wet, he only wanted to comfort the man. Eventually his sobs turned into angry yells, that was when Demo pulled away and looked at Soldier’s face. His eyes held a fire he rarely saw, unless Jane was talking about his family, and he was baring his teeth.

“Jane, are you alright?” Tavish knew he wasn’t, but he needed that confirmation. “What happened?”

“I hate him.” Soldier growled out.

“Who do you hate?” Tavish probed softly.

Jane stared into his eyes. “Glacier. I heard him with Dell.” The tears built back up in his eyes and threatened to spill. “He said- he said h-he loved him.”

“Oh Jane…” Tavish leaned down and gently kissed his cheeks.

“How is this fair? Dell has not even known that thing-" Soldier started but paused to rephrase. “He has not even known Glacier that long. I have known him for five years! It is not fair!” Soldier punctuated what he said by pounding a fist on the mattress.

“Life is never fair, you and I both know that. Everyone here knows that.” Demo scratched at Soldier’s scalp soothingly.

“But why did he choose him?” Jane whispered, voice cracking.

Tavish sighed, hugging his partner tighter. “Sometimes people meet, and they just know that they’re meant for each other.” He said sadly.

“Like Heavy and Medic.” Soldier mumbled.

“Aye, like Heavy and Medic. Or in this case, Dell and Glacier.” Tavish murmured.

Soldier tensed at the mention of the Ghoul’s name.

“Jane, you may hate him, but please try and be civil. He’s done nothing major to anyone else. So please, for both Dell and I, at least try not to kill him tomorrow.” Tavish added the last part with a light chuckle.

“No promises.” Jane grumbled, earning him a soft flick to the ear.

Demo sighed and shook his head as he lay back again, pulling Soldier with him. He stroked the man’s back until he fell to sleep. But for the Scotsman, he stayed awake a bit longer, going over what had happened, until he too went back to sleep.

~~~~

The next day, Dell, Glacier, and Pyro were making breakfast for the 19 individuals in the base. Dell and Pyro helped put the food on the table while Glacier cooked away. The Engineer looked up from placing the plates of bacon and eggs on the table and smiled as Demo and Soldier walked in, he’d been confused when Soldier hadn’t been one of the first down to breakfast.

“Mornin’ you two! Stay up late?” Dell asked cheerfully.

“Something like that.” Soldier grumbled, not meeting Dell’s eyes, before glaring at something behind Dell.

Dell turned and saw Glacier looking over with a confused look on his face, the Air Ghoul waved a little, before wincing and turning back to the stove. The Engineer turned back, only to find that Soldier had stalked over to the table, leaving him with Demo.

“What’s going on, Tav?” Dell whispered.

“I’m afraid that Soldier overheard you and Glacier last night.” Demo whispered back.

Engie flushed slightly, but frowned. “That doesn’t explain his behaviour towards Glacier this morning. Does it?”

“It kinda does.” Demo lowered his voice. “Soldier has a crush on you, and when he heard you two last night… well, y’know, it broke his heart.”

Dell sighed and rubbed his eyebrows with his left hand. “I’m sorry Demo.”

“It’s not me you need to apologise to.” Demo said sternly. “You better do it quick, I’m pretty sure that Jane is gonna glare a hole in Glacier’s head.”

Sure enough, Soldier was glaring hard at Glacier, a scowl on his face. Both their teammates and the Ghouls that were present had noticed this, and were talking amongst themselves. The Air Ghoul was obviously aware of what Soldier was doing, since his shoulders were hunched up to his ears, which were pressed back in fear and anxiety.

“I’ll go talk to him.” Dell mumbled, running a hand over his head.

Demo pat his shoulder, before going to sit at the table. Dell prepared himself mentally, as he walked over to Soldier.

“Hey Solly,” He said softly, putting a hand in his shoulder. “Can I talk to you?”

“Affirmative, Engie!” Soldier shouted.

Engineer winced and stepped back. “Meet me outside.” He said as he made his way to the door.

~~~

Dell leaned against the outside wall as he stared at Soldier. The man still wouldn’t look at him, and his jaw was clenched tightly. With a sigh, Dell pushed away from the wall to stand next to his teammate.

“Soldier… I’m sorry.” He said sadly. “Demo told me how you feel about me, and that you overheard Glacier and I last night.”

Soldier sneered but didn’t say anything.

“Look, I understand that you’re upset with me, but please talk to me.” Engie begged.

“I am not mad at you Dell, I could never be mad at you.” Soldier whispered.

There was a pause between the two, Jane could almost hear the cogs turning in Engie’s beautiful brain.

“You’re jealous of him.” Dell sighed. “Of course you are.”

Soldier nodded, and Dell could see his bottom lip quiver slightly.

“Soldier… Jane, can I see your eyes please? I need to tell you something.” Engie asked gently.

With a small nod, Jane took his helmet off and looked into Dell’s eyes. His eyes were red from crying, and unshed tears shimmered in them.

“I’m gonna touch your face now, can I do that?”

Another nod, giving his consent. Dell placed his left hand on Jane’s cheek, thumb softly stroking his cheekbone.

“Jane, I want you to know that you will always have a special place in my heart.” He reassured.

“Do not tease me like this, Dell.” Soldier grumbled and turned his head away from Engie.

“I’m not! Look, Glacier and the others will… they’re only gonna be here for another month and a half. And we agreed that… that we both want the other to continue life as normal.” Dell explained. “And…” He turned Jane’s head back to face him. “That means that you still might have a chance with me, rocket boy.”

They both stared into each other’s eyes, one hopeful, the other comforting.

“You mean… you would be with me?” Jane asked hopefully.

“With Demo’s permission. I know the two of you have an interesting relationship, and he did invite me to join you two once.” Dell replied, a grin on his face. “But, it would only be after I’ve had some time to process that Glacier is gone. You got that?”

“I got you Engie!” Jane answered with a grin of his own and a salute. “I will give you as much time as you need!”

“Thanks, Sal.” As Soldier started to pull away, Engie grabbed him by the collar of his jacket. “Not so fast, there’s something I gotta give you.”

Soldier was pulled down, and before he knew it, Dell’s lips pressed to his. He started at first, before melting into the kiss. Dell’s lips were soft but lightly chapped, compared to Jane’s rough, dry lips, and Soldier loved every second of it. Dell pulled away with a smile, and pecked him on the cheek.

“Givin’ you something to look forward to.” Engie said with a wink.

Soldier nodded, hearing what Engie had said, but barely registering it. Dell chuckled, placing Jane’s helmet back on his head, before walking back inside, leaving Jane dumbfounded.

He still had a chance! He didn’t need to be jealous of Glacier! Jane grinned and pumped his fists, before composing himself and walking back inside. Dell was sitting with Glacier, the Ghoul looked over and smiled shyly at him, to which Jane responded with his own small smile. Everything was going to be alright, Soldier thought as he sat next to Demo, his leg bouncing not out of anxiety, but out of happiness.

[liesandspookyfairytales]

Take another little pizza my heart, baby

Custody AU (Original story by @ao3gobi17)

Word count: 1486

A/N: Spider's personality in this fic is based on Sloane Tavish, a character from The Naturals book series by Jennifer Lynn Barnes. This series is definitely recommended if you like series like Criminal Minds!

There are two references of some of my favorite works of fiction, one from 'Inception' (the film) and one from 'The Maze Runner' (the books). If you recognize the references, I love you. (And please let me know what they are, I want to know if people actually get it right haha)

Spider wasn't like his other peers. He doesn't like parties, gaming or meeting friends. To be honest, Leo is his only friend.

Spider likes to throw out random facts regardless of whether they apply to the circumstance he is in. He is better with numbers and statistics than with people. Spider knows this for sure, just as he knows he usually says the wrong thing (this often leads to hilarious situations). He constantly analyzes people and situations, usually without even meaning to.

Under no circumstances give him coffee. Unless you have to bribe him. Also good to know, he is a kleptomaniac. He can't do anything about it, it just happens.

Is that enough extra information about Spider? Okay, then let's move on to his current situation.

So, here's what we know. Spider's mother was murdered when he was seven, his (step)father was arrested for her murder and went to prison for the rest of his life. Nine years later, his father has escaped from prison and, along with his idiotic henchmen, kidnapped his only friend, using him to convince Spider to allow himself to be kidnapped. And now he's sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table in a cabin in the middle of fucking nowhere. And worst of all, despite his attempts to persuade his captors, they don't give him any coffee.

"Do you have any blank paper and a pencil?" he asks no one specifically. "Why? Are you planning to leave a secret message?" Lyle asks, roaring with laughter. Spider shakes his head. "No, I once came up with a game, and you need blank paper and a pencil for it." he explains. He looks around in surprise as his father's accomplices continue to stare at him. "What?" he asks, confused.

"And what kind of game might that be?" Walker asks with a roll of her eyes and a tone as if he should have been able to read her mind. “Oh, you have to design a maze that takes two minutes to draw and one minute to solve.” he explains impatiently.

Everyone looks at him strangely. Prager shrugs, stands up and walks to a bookcase. He grabs a large stack of papers, some pencils in different colors, an eraser and a pencil sharpener. He walks towards Spider with a soft smile and places the supplies on the coffee table. "Have fun, kid," he says, before walking back to the dining table where Spider's father and the others are sitting. The adults look at Prager strangely, and he shrugs. "Better this than him trying to escape again, right?" Spider hears him say.

Spider turns his attention to his task and begins his first maze design. After about thirty minutes he has drawn and solved about fifteen rectangular mazes. Each maze is drawn in two minutes and solved in one. The layout is sketched in standard graphite pencils, and the maze is solved in red pencil.

On a few occasions, his captors look through his various mazes to make sure Spider isn't doing something he's not supposed to do. None of them realize that on some papers there is a gray pencil line in each upper right corner, in exactly the same place on every paper. And on another stack of papers there is a similar red line in each lower left corner. They thought nothing of Spider writing his name on every piece of paper, assuming it was a habit he picked up from school.

And no one notices that some of the gray layout lines are thicker than the others, as if Spider pressed harder with his pencil and sketched over the same line several times.

If they had realized this, and if they had been smarter, they might have remembered to hold the papers in front of the window, in the sunlight, or in front of a lamp. If they had done that, they might have realized that Lyle was right, Spider had indeed created a secret message.

You see, if you stack the different papers on top of each other, making sure the gray lines line up in the top right corner and another stack with the red lines in the bottom left corner, you'll see Spider's secret message in the bold outlined layout:

Miles Quaritch (duh, you should know that) Lyle Wainfleet Kevin Mansk Alicia Zdinarsik Sean Fike Andrew Prager Johnny Alexander Kim Zhang Victor Lopez Maria Walker Steve Brown Garrett Warren

That was Spider's secret message. He has secretly learned everyone's full names and incorporated them into the secret message, hoping that the people who find his outlined mazes will discover the way to read his secret message and know who his father's accomplices are.

Spider sighs as his father pulls him away from his secret task and says they are sitting down for dinner. Spider reluctantly stands up and Lyle grabs his shoulder and pushes him into the chair to the right of the head of the table, where Quaritch is sitting, before sitting down in the chair next to Spider. Lyle looks at him again with a creepy grin. Spider looks away uncomfortably and focuses his attention on the pan being placed on the table. Tonight's dish, Ravioli, is one of Spider's favorites, his brain automatically remembers the corresponding facts. 'Ravioli is a type of pasta consisting of a filling covered with thin pasta dough. Usually served in broth or with a sauce, they originated as a traditional dish in Italian cuisine. Ravioli are usually square, although other shapes are used, including round and semi-circular.'

Spider is abruptly taken out of his thoughts when Lopez starts cursing colorfully. "What's wrong again?" Mansk asks irritably, raising an eyebrow over his sunglasses. “I lost my fucking wedding ring,” Lopez curses. “Oh shit, I'll help you look,” say Fike and Brown. Everyone stands up and starts looking for the ring. It is a beautiful ring, made of gold, the outside is smooth, but on the inside a date and two names are engraved. Spider knows this because the missing ring is currently in Spider's pocket. He couldn't help it, he saw the ring on the counter this morning at breakfast and before anyone knew it, the ring was in his pocket. Spider is surprised that it took almost a whole day for Lopez to realize it.

"Wait a minute, my watch is gone," Mansk realizes. 'Yeah, duh,' Spider thinks. 'It's in the drawer of my bedside table.' “What's going on here?" Lyle asks, irritated. "Yeah, what's going on here?" Fike adds. "That's what I just said, dipshit," Lyle sighs. "No, I mean that," Fike points to Brown. “What?” the latter asks, confused. “Where is your cap and since when do you have curls?”

"WHAT!" Brown exclaims, his hands flying to his head. “Damn Brown, what kind of conditioner are you using?” Z-dog asks with a grin. “Yeah man, your curls look so soft, you really need to tell me your hair care routine,” Walker adds with a laugh.

"That's enough, eat first, before it gets cold," orders Quaritch, "after dinner you can run around like headless chickens." "Yes, dad," Lyle snorts sarcastically.

Everyone sits down at the table and starts eating. Spider can't stand the silence and blurts out, "Did you know that farting is good for high blood pressure?" Spider thought he was being stared at strangely before, but now everyone is staring at him like he has an extra eye. "What?" Zhang chokes out. "Nothing," Spider mumbles, embarrassed. "Right," he gets in response, after which everyone focuses back on their food.

"Did you know that Anatidaephobia is real? It's the fear of a duck staring at you." Spider blurts out again. He gets the same strange looks again and he cowers in shame. "Okay?" Warren replied confused. And once again everyone turns their attention back to their food, but this time they keep giving him strange looks.

Spider can cry because he feels alone and ridiculed and at the same time scream that he feels uncomfortable.

Once again he tries to start a conversation. "People and bananas have 50% the same DNA." he states. He does not dare to look up from his plate, for fear of the reactions of his captors and that they will see the tears in his eyes.

“For God's sake, be social, join in conversations,” Quaritch snaps angrily. Spider's tears roll down his cheeks as he hears his father's angry voice directed at him. He risks a look through his curls and sees everyone looking at him. 'Sure,' he thinks to himself, 'they probably enjoy seeing the boss' annoying child get snubbed.' Spider starts to get up to run upstairs so no one sees his tears, when Lyle's hand lands on his shoulder, more tender than he's ever seen Lyle. Lyle pushes him back into his chair.

"Are you trying to tell me I'm a banana?!" he asks, offended.

[that-sudsy]

Valentine's Day Series ft.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick | A Date to Remember

A/n: I know it's kinda late sorry

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or images used in this work, nor do I claim any rights to them.

It was Valentine’s Day, and Kyle "Gaz" Garrick had been counting down the days until he could finally take a break from the chaos of his life as an SAS operative. He had meticulously planned a romantic evening for you, his significant other, complete with a candlelit dinner at a charming little restaurant in London. Gaz had even splurged on a bottle of the finest champagne, determined to make this night unforgettable.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, his teammate, John Price, and the ever-volatile Johnny MacTavish were knee-deep in a mission gone awry. What was supposed to be a simple extraction had turned into a full-blown disaster. Explosions echoed in the distance, and gunfire rang out as they chased their target through a maze of debris.

“Price! We need backup!” Johnny shouted, dodging a hail of bullets. “The target’s on the run, and I’m not about to let him slip through my fingers!”

Back in London, Gaz was seated at a cozy table, the soft glow of candlelight flickering across your face. The atmosphere was perfect, with romantic music playing in the background. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a night like this, and he was determined to savor every moment.

Just as he leaned in to whisper sweet nothings, his phone buzzed. Gaz sighed, glancing at the screen. It was Johnny. “Bloody hell,” he muttered, excusing himself from the table.

“Gaz, we need yah here!” Johnny’s voice crackled through the line, laced with urgency and a hint of panic.

Gaz rolled his eyes, trying to keep his voice low. “I’m on a date, Tavish! This better not be one of your bloody pranks.”

“Do I sound like I’m ordering a pizza to you?” Johnny yelled, barely audible over the sound of explosions in the background. “The target’s heading to your location! We need you to intercept!”

Gaz’s heart sank. “What do you need?” he asked with slight annoyance, resigned to the chaos that was about to unfold.

“Just keep an eye on him! He’s in a suit, and he’s got a very punchable face. You’ll know him when you see him,” Johnny replied, his Scottish accent thick with urgency.

With a reluctant sigh, Gaz returned to the table, trying to act as if nothing was amiss. He took a deep breath, then grabbed your hand. “Fancy a slow dance, love?” he asked, a mischievous glint in his eye.

You smiled, oblivious to the impending chaos. As you swayed to the music, Gaz discreetly scanned the room, spotting the target across the restaurant. He took a sip of champagne, using the bottle to prop the door open, all while maintaining his suave demeanor.

“Just a moment, darling,” he said, excusing himself to the lavatory.

What followed was a scene straight out of an action movie. Inside the bathroom, Gaz found himself in a fistfight with the target, the two of them crashing through the glass divider, sending shards flying everywhere.

Meanwhile, you watched in shock as the commotion unfolded. “What the bloody hell is going on?” you exclaimed, thinking Gaz was just having a scuffle with some random bloke.

Just then, Johnny burst into the bathroom, disheveled and furious. “Get yer hands off him, ya daft git!” he yelled in his thick Scottish accent, grabbing the target and slapping on handcuffs. “Ye’re under arrest, ye wee scoundrel!”

As the chaos settled, the restaurant patrons stared in disbelief, some even applauding the unexpected entertainment. Gaz, panting and slightly embarrassed, returned to your side, his date completely ruined.

He decided to lead to the car and drive home, he notice your silence and he knew he had to explain.

“Sorry about that,” he said, running a hand through his hair, frustration evident in his voice. “I was really looking forward to tonight.”

You could see the disappointment in his eyes, and it tugged at your heart. “Kyle, it’s okay,” you said softly. “I get it. You’re a badass SAS operative, and sometimes duty calls.”

He glanced at you, a mix of confusion and curiosity on his face. “You really don’t mind?”

“Not at all,” you replied, surprising him. “In fact, I think you’re like James Bond or something. You’re just missing the tuxedo.”

Gaz chuckled, the tension easing from his shoulders. “Well, if fancy dinners aren’t your thing, how about we take this date to a paintball gun fight instead?”

Your eyes lit up. “Now that sounds like a plan!”

With a grin, Gaz turned the car around, ready to embrace the unexpected adventure that awaited. After all, who needed a romantic dinner when you could have a thrilling paintball battle with the man you love