#oh he has the mr 1 devil fruit......

[hauntingblue]

FRANKY GOOTCH???? ITS BEEN 84 YEARS!!!!!

[physics-of-one-piece]

Part 12 of Punk Hazard Dub Watch Party

614

Chopper & Mocha 😭😭

Luffy is out the dumpster

Luffy FINALLY using Conqueror Haki, about damn time.

I love angry Dub Luffy. He even sounds properly grown-up when angry.

“Good.” (Drops him) Okay, angry Dub Luffy is hot wow 😳😳 (makes notes for Merlot & Primroses bcs this would be done by Doffy too, no I don’t take arguments)

615

“How is some stupid gas outpacing me?”

“Because you keep going in the wrong direction.”

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Usopp on the other side of the door where Caesar is, he has the worst luck 🤣🤣

I love when Luffy turns serious. Just love it.

EE DOFFY MENTION.

AND DOFFY PIC

He’s so sexy.

“The world’s most dangerous warlord.” HA, I TOLD YOU ALL, I ALWAYS SAY HE IS THE MOST DANGEROUS WARLORD, love being right.

“Doesn’t it send a chill down your spine?” Not really, no. Smiles are like 10% likely to succeed I’m better off searching for a real Devil Fruit if I’m THAT desperate. And SMILE made Eaters are completely ridiculous, too, so… yeah, I was like expecting Kaido’s army to be scary but it was just… not.

“Doflamingo… the four emperors… tell me, do you truly have the guts to pick a fight with them?”

People really do NOT know Luffy 🤣

“What’d you say?” Dub Luffy is fckn badass ohoho

Proof Luffy is Doffy's D. kid part 1 ☝����

Ohoho here it comes.

“I’m picking a fight. That’s what I’ve been doing my whole life!”

And he sent Caesar flying like a boss

Dub Luffy I love you. Omg what a badass

Eee 616 is next ep where Doffy will appear, Dub Doffy my love and Dub Law about to cut the SAD and Vergo in half oooh I can’t wait.

When Dub Luffy gets serious he sounds more adult, which is just wonderful

616

“The craziest pirate of them all.” (Shows Doflamingo) I feel so seen cus my thoughts exactly.

Toei are such Doffy fans, I see you Toei, I see you, thank you Toei. He is just so freaky (in a good way) and sexually shown like he fucks and they want us all to know it and that he would fuck the viewer too which yeah I’n down, is he free tonight?

The absolute fucking silence of Luffy and him just walking toward Caesar while Caesar panics and talks… yeah, he’s Doffy’s D. kid, they’re very much alike here 🤣🤣

Luffy starting to swing his arm to get ready for a punch hahahahaha I love him

“How about you listen to me? I’m not scared of you!”

Law my baby 🥹

Zoro is still lost 🤣🤣

“Well done, Smoker. I can take things from here. Thanks for keeping your end of the deal.” YESSS, DUB LAW IS BACK LET’S GOOO HE IS ABOUT TO CRUSH VERGO YES YES YES YES GET HIM LAW

Law adding that Mr Vergo oh Dub Law is so snarky I love him

“But I don’t think you’ll be sitting on the throne of power forever. Either of you!” YEAAAH!

Yes! Dub Doffy 🎉🎉🎉🥳🥳🥳😍😍💕💕💕

“You’re about to lose your right-hand man.” & “That means you can kiss your supply of SAD goodbye.”

“You didn’t see this coming because you were overconfident. You always have been.” God I love Dub Law

“So please, feel free cackling like an arrogant idiot while you plot your next move.” Omg Dub Law is destroying him hahahaha omg

“You do a pretty decent job of acting like a tough guy, runt!” Gosh, Dub Doffy calling Law a runt is kinda cute awww

“Think about what happened last time.” You mfr, Dub Doffy, I have PTSD stop 😭😭 also I love how his voice lowers and just sounds so DANGEROUS when he’s serious and threatening, like wow

“How did that turn out for you?” Gosh, I can FEEL like he’s condescendingly cooing at Law OH I AM GONNA AAAAA

“Not very well. You crossed Vergo. And what did he do to you then?” Law literally from what I remember of that didn’t attack Vergo back then? He literally was crying and begging him to stop. He didn’t cross shit. He was 13 and scared and dying 😭😭😭 FUCK YOU LEAVE LAW ALONE 😭😭😭

I adore Dub Doffy omg

“You remember… I’m sure it was quite traumatic.” Dub Doffy does not hold back that is cruel. Aight. Cut em Law. That’s enough of victim blaming from them for today.

Wohooo!

That’s for Cora, Vergo, you bastard! MY BBY LAW I’M SO PROUD OF YOU 🥹🥹🥹🫶🏻🎉🎉🎉

“Here we are, Joker. I opened the gate.” Yesss, Dub Law! 🥳🥳🎉🎉

“The gears are broken. There is no turning back for anyone.”

Doffy 😍😍 even if he is angry 😭

Tagging my Doffy moots: @fanaticsnail @moonbaby26 @ohnomyhooves @daydreamer-in-training @dummyduck44 @doffyslittledove @shanalikeanna

[yujo-nishimura]

The Escape - Part 24

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12 - Part 13 - Part 14 - Part 15 - Part 16 - Part 17 - Part 18 - Part 19 - Part 20 - Part 21 - Part 22 - Part 23

You understand the urgency of the situation and immediately continue to hold the flame close to Buggys body, making him get rid of the wax as quickly as you can. “I will buy us some time..!”, you hear Cabaji murmuring, him probably being aware of the danger of seeing his Captain still unable to fight. The woman suddenly rushes forward jumping up in the sky, you can only guess what happens next since you cannot make out the fight in the darkness, but you can hear Cabaji dodging her attack and going towards her with his swords. “Y/n, try to free my hands and feet, if I can detach them I can at least help Cabaji.” Buggy urges you, his voice in all seriousness. 

You desperately hold the flame closer, seeing the wax melt, but not fast enough. 

As the peculiar figure draws nearer, the dim light of the flame reveals his visage, exposing his unsettling and peculiar appearance. His face, illuminated by the flickering glow, displays an unconventional ugliness. It's evident that your expression betrays a mixture of disgust and bewilderment. Seemingly perceiving your reaction, he unleashes a shout, his voice laden with defiance.

“I am Mr. 3 from Baroque works. And I will not let you take our bounty…!” 

“Mr. 3? Is this why you have such a funny hairstyle?”, you cannot suppress a giggle, being more amused than afraid by this strange looking figure. “Dare you…!”, he hisses and then turns his hand into liquid wax, showing his devil fruit skills and making you finally understand what had happened to Buggy. He shoots the wax towards you, but you quickly dodge it, rolling on the ground to the side, leaving the torch with your captain in the hope the fire would continue melting him while you lead the attention of Mr. 3 towards you. 

“You seem to be a little bit faster than your captain. Or maybe smart enough to not challenge me.”

You draw your sword as you get up, ready to fight. “That's some big words for a candle!”, you giggle and start pushing forward, ready to attack him. He can somehow see you well in the darkness of the forest and dodges your attack as well, hitting you with another wax attack, lightly touching your hair and turning some of your hair strands into solid pieces. You try to attack again, your face now turned towards Buggy, hoping he had almost freed himself.

This short moment of not paying attention to your opponent gave him the advantage to fire another wax shot at you, hitting you on both your legs, creating handcuff-like wax locks. You lose balance and fall over, your face hitting the ground. You can hear Mr. 3 laughing, his steps approaching you. As he pulls your hair and turns you around to face him you groan in pain. The wax on your feet is so solid and tight, you cannot move at all. “I usually do not hurt a lady, but you look like you can defend yourself, so I did not want to take a chance..!”, Mr. 3 shows you a sly grin as he faces you. “I did not know that the Buggy pirates would hire women now as well. Or are you the little playtoy of Captain Buggy..?” You spit in his face and suddenly Mr. 3 eyes widen, as he realizes something in your eyes and in your face. Angry by your disrespect he hits you in the face, making you fall down again. “So close up I just figured out who you are, Y/n. Does your captain know who he has on board with him…?” 

“Shut up!”, you yell in agony, suddenly realizing what this candle jerk was about to say. “Oh, so he doesn't know yet, but maybe Captain Buggy would like to hear about it…” “If there is something Y/n wants to tell me, she will do it by herself and without a jerk like you around.” Buggy's familiar voice resonates nearby, drawing your attention. Looking up you can see your captain standing between you and Mr. 3. He has managed to free himself completely, though remnants of wax clinging to his body. He now holds the torch firmly in his hand, its flame casting an eerie glow on the sweat-drenched face of Mr. 3. A mischievous grin spreads across Buggy's face as he jests, "Time to set the mood with some romantic candlelight, right, Y/n?" 

As Mr. 3 attempts to evade the incoming assault, Buggy unleashes his Chop-Chop Cannon technique. With a swift motion, his fists and knives pass through the fiery trail of the torch, transforming into blazing projectiles aimed at his adversary.

The clash between fire and force intensifies, engulfing the area in a spectacle of flames and fierce combat. Amidst the chaos, Buggy's laughter echoes, a blend of amusement and battle fervor. Seizing the opportunity, your captain presses his advantage. With a swift and agile movement, he closes the distance between himself and Mr. 3, his eyes gleaming with determination. The torch still held firmly in his hand, Buggy unleashes a flurry of rapid strikes, utilizing his unique abilities to deliver devastating blows. Driven by a mix of vengeance and a desire to protect you, Buggy unleashes a final, devastating attack. With a flourish of his knives and a surge of fiery energy, he delivers a decisive blow that knocks Mr. 3 unconcious. 

Buggy pants and turns around to you. “Are you okay?”, he asks, seeing you are still caught with the wax and unable to move. “I am okay, but where is Cabaji?” Buggy bends down to you, smiling in relief. 

He starts detaching his hands and placing his arms under your knees and your back to pick you up. Reattaching them to his body you are held close to him now, again feeling an overwhelming whirlpool of emotions. His body is still radiating so much heat from the fight earlier. You want him to hold you like this again. Every night. And forever. “We will take care of these shackles when we are back on the ship. We need to leave this island as quickly as possible. More Baroque works agents will soon follow. About Cabaji - he will be fine.”

You decide to be quiet and trust your captain's decision. You also feel too comfortable now being held by him  while he is rushing through the forest back to the ship. 

You both stay completely silent, you can only hear his panting and his heart beat as he is heading back to his crew. 

[supermarine-silvally]

Favorite 5 one piece characters and 5 you feel meh about

oooh it's so hard to choose! (especially for my faves heheh) but I've gotta go with...

Favourites:

note: not including Luffy because he's the main character

#5 Roronoa Zoro

I mean... he's Zoro. I don't know if it's possible not to like Zoro. For me, what elevated him beyond "he's extremely cool" to his current status in my top 5 faves was the "nothing happened" moment at the end of Thriller Bark. It really solidified his loyalty towards Luffy and the lengths of which he's willing to go to protect his captain and friends.

#4 Mr. 2 Bon Clay

Oh Bon-chan <3 When I started One Piece I never would've imagined to come across an explicitly queer character written in such a sympathetic way; who goes from being a minor villain to a beloved ally whom Luffy loves and respects. I love Bon-chan a lot and the ending of Impel Down is one of my favourite character moments in the entire show. Also the "queers never die" moment? Iconic.

#3 Yamato

As a transmasc person myself, there's no way I couldn't vibe hard with Yamato. I love everything about him, from his personality to his design to his insanely cool Devil Fruit abilities. I REALLY want to see him become a Straw Hat at some point in the future.

#2 Nico Robin

I LOVE Robin. My favourite Straw Hat hands-down. She's so beautiful and smart and has such cool abilities and plays such an invaluable role in the story. Her backstory is so heartbreaking and I truly believe that it's no exaggeration to call Enies Lobby peak One Piece. The "I want to live" moment is my favourite in the entire series. Watching Robin struggle with whether she deserves to be saved and her realising her friends are willing to go to war with the world to save her is just asdkjhsdf I love it and I love her pls marry me Ms Nico Robin

aaaaaaand to nobody's surprise, the number one spot goes to.......

#1 Portgas D. Ace

I love love love love LOVE Ace. From the moment he was first introduced in Drum Island to the childhood flashbacks of the postwar arc that laid out his story in full, I fell in love with everything about him and his character. He's insanely cool and silly and gorgeous and tragic and I have no idea how Oda managed to pack it all into one character but somehow he did. I tend to also be a sucker for older sibling characters since I myself am the oldest sibling in my family so I relate hard to that, too. I could write entire essays about how much I love Ace and why he is such a fantastic character but I think I'll leave it there for now lol also I own so much Ace merch it's ridiculous

The "Meh" Characters (I'm taking this to mean characters I am moreso indifferent to rather than ones I outright hate, which is a different list lol):

#5 Buggy

Controversial take, I know lol but let me preface this by saying I don't dislike Buggy-- I actually enjoy him in a lot of scenes, especially in Impel Down. But overall, I think he's overrated and I just don't vibe with his blowhard personality. And there were definitely moments in Marineford that I just found myself getting really annoyed with him (yeah yeah I know he was supposed to lighten the mood and all that but every time the scene cut back to him I was just like ugh gimme the Whitebeard Pirates back).

#4 Gecko Moria

Kind of a lacklustre villain for me, especially in comparison with the other Warlords. He feels like he really shouldn't have earned that title. All around just kind of whiny and annoying. (I love Thriller Bark, I just don't like Moria very much-- or at least don't think he reached his full potential as a villain in the way Crocodile and Doflamingo do).

#3 Foxy

Long Ring Long Land is my least favourite arc and while I did enjoy his fight with Luffy, I just found Foxy super irritating. Not enough to hate, but enough to make me go "oh thank god" when the arc was finally over.

#2 Sengoku

This fucking guy. He's not as outright fascistic as some of the other Marines like Akainu, but doesn't have the depth of Garp and or the ambiguity of Aokiji/Kuzan. There are some moments where the narrative tries to make him more sympathetic in ways that I don't think he deserves at all, considering his position within the Marines and his dedication to perpetuating the brutal oppression of the World Government and I will NEVER forgive him for basically ritually humiliating Ace atop the execution platform in a way that was, frankly, really cruel. He's just not interesting or developed enough for me to enjoy his presence in the story as an antagonist.

and my number one "I couldn't care less about this character" is......

#1 Enel

Okay. I like Skypeia as an arc. It has some great moments, like the ringing of the bell and the resolution of the story of Montblanc Noland and Calgera, but I just found Enel a really boring villain, especially in comparison to the major villain before him, Crocodile. I find him unappealing to look at (his face is just so punchable) and every time he was on screen I just wanted him to go away. He's not an interesting character to me and I don't understand how he has any fans whatsoever.

[megamindsupremacy]

Misc Marvel Fic Recs (Part 6)

mistake on the part of nature by idiopathicsmile

Steve takes in Bucky's betrayed look and Sam's confusion, follows Sam's gaze to the pile of mangled fruit in the trash can. Sudden comprehension fills his face.

"Oh," he says. "Bucky found out about bananas."

In which an American icon is mourned. But probably not the one you're thinking of.

-

The Ding Dong War by icewhisper

The year Hostess releases their limited edition Star Spangled Ding Dongs, they all suffer. (AKA no one should let Tony Stark have a credit card and history books never covered just how much of an asshole Steve Rogers really is.)

-

Look the Devil in the Face by prettybirdy979

It's increasingly becoming a world where the unbelievable happens every day. The Avengers team includes a defrosted World War Two solider, a giant green rage monster and a man who might be a God; and they battle aliens and magic on a regular basis. It's not too far fetched to believe the Devil walks Hell's Kitchen.

Matt, on the other hand, hasn't realised exactly why his new battle buddies seem terrified of him. It's not like they've even heard the rumors about him being the Devil... right?

-

Not Easily Conquered by dropdeaddream, WhatAreFears

In 1945, Steve Rogers jumps from a nosediving plane and swims through miles of Arctic Ocean to a frozen shore.

In 1947, Steve Rogers marries Peggy Carter.

In 1966, the New York Times finds the lost letters of Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.

-

the stone's in the midst of it all by tognia

Sarah Rogers was born to fight an unwinnable war. She wonders how it could be, sometimes, that she gives birth to a boy who does not understand defeat.

-

and there will be music despite everything (sw/mcu au) by QueenWithaBeeThrone

She imagines it--waking up alone, scared, disoriented, not knowing who or where she is, terrified at every little thing. She imagines never knowing for sure. “Yeah, real lucky,” she echoes.

“Wish I felt that way,” says Foster.

or: Darcy Lewis, intern to Anakin Skywalker, not that either of them know that last part, and the time before they hit a man with their van.

-

Barnes and Rogers and the Goddamn Truth by orphan_account

There are three well-known facts at Shield High:

1. The history teacher Mr. Barnes is a stone-cold terror, and it’s not even because he only has one arm. 2. The other history teacher, Mr. Rogers, is a mysterious enigma, and it’s something to do with the body of a Greek God and contradicting stories of his past. (They’re all rumours, anyway.) 3. Mr Barnes and Mr Rogers hate each other.

Bucky wouldn’t have it any other way.

-

How to Woo the Winter Soldier by writeonclara

“I think I’m ready to date again,” Steve said.

“What,” Natasha said.

“What?” Clint said, lowering his binoculars. He blinked at the dumbstruck look on the Captain’s face, then followed his gaze to where he was staring dopily at—at the Winter fucking Soldier.

“Steve, no,” Clint groaned.

Or: Steve courts the Winter Soldier.

-

Embrace the Fire: The Avenger Games by lorata

Trust me, and I'll give you something better than a Mockingjay. I'll give you the Avengers."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Trust me, and you'll see."

Non-powered alternate universe fusion: the Avengers in Panem.

-

devil's gonna follow me (wherever i go) by Lyaka

The man who used to be Bucky Barnes lined up his shot. His finger twitched, only once, very precisely.

Help me, the bullet sang.

Ninety-eight floors below him, the bullet glanced off a vibranium shield with a musical ping.

And Steve Rogers looked up.

-

the sirens and the thunder by letege

“Hide that,” he says, forcing the words out past every instinct. “As well as you can, all right? Before morning.”

Steve stares at him blankly, like he needs a moment to work this out, then swallows once, sharply. "What's your name?" he asks at last—asks as he stands there with the pelt in his hands.

And oh, he thinks suddenly, what is his name? He can’t speak it, not with this mouth, he can’t sing it into the air like he can in the ocean. He just shakes his head; like his nakedness, it’s something he can't explain. Steve nods, just nods, his eye swelling shut and blood drying on his shirt collar, and says "we’ll figure it out."

(An AU where Bucky is a young selkie who is accidentally called to Steve and ends up staying around to help this poor, wretched kid not die.)

[campingbagandstuff]

.22/9.33 {Part 2 of 12}; 16

The Yeah Yeahs heads will roll, The Veronicas hook me up, popular, lolita, take me on the floor, this love, Escape the sound let’s go, Lorn anvil, acid rain, VV Brown shark in the water, amerie why don't we fall in love?

Elliphant love you better, still getting younger, spoon me, (ft. MO one more), lean on, kamikaze, Grimes genesis, idoru, world princess, butterfly, california, (sade kiss of life, king of sorrow, moon & the sky, soldier of love, no ordinary love, everything but the girl missing)

delete forever, scream, Mia hungrigez hertz, MIA hombre, XR2, world town, jimmy, 10 dollar, 20 dollar, Wynter Gordon (ft. FloRida )sugar, stimela, levitate, believer, Diana “ woman, thank you, {{{shakira ft.>> }}}{{the weeknd}}{jennifer lopez}maluma {{{chantaje}}}{{hawai}}{pa'ti & lonely} corazon, procura, {nayer ft. pit bull & }mohombi{suave, }chocola

Men Without Hats safety dance, Sade soldier of love, paradise, cherish the day, the moon & the sky, kiss of life, The Third Realm dance like you wanna die, kiss of the scorpion, invitation to hell, (lady gaga just dance, judas, papparazzi, applause, rain on me, social repose filthy pride)

forever, IAMX stardust, Sirius neon dominion, Ludovico technique dead inside, absence, deeper into you, potential, heal my scars, beyond therapy, wasting, memory, shutting down, dead inside, Shiv-r devil’s night, alpha omega, Psychlon 9 parasitic, as you sleep, lorde magnets, royals, mamamoo ILLELLA, aze gag, Snotty Nose Rez Kids I Got Paid Today

Vanessa Hudgens sneakernight, baby come back, Lionbabe fire, Jetta electrify, ABRA fruit, Kilo Kish, The Internet girl, Doja Cat streets, Vegas, beautiful, nunchucks, Lola Munroe overtime, Exodus 23, you a jerk, Allie & AJ potential breakup song, like whoa, rush, new year's day joker, defame me, CL the baddest female

Ghost little sunshine, cirice, square hammer, he is, Lana Del Rey doin time, kill kill, venice bitch, chemtrails over the country club, hit & run, video game, black beauty, high by the beach, diet mountain dew, summer wine, swan song, say yes to heaven, blackest day, ride, summertime sadness, honeymoon, ultraviolence, carmen, this is what makes us girls, burning desire, off to the races, lolita, million dollar man,Marina & the Diamonds immortal, teen idle, the outsider, (after school BANG, ayu progress, poker face, boys & girls, trust, greatful days, ballad, butterfly, moments, don't look back, momentum, brillante, )

fear & loathing, valley of the dolls, I’m not a robot, mowgli’s trail, handmade heaven, blue, solitaire, family jewels, hermit the frog, superstar, happy, ancient dreams in a modern land, oh no, primadonna, how to be a heartbreaker, are you satisfied, girls, hollywood, valley of the dolls, electra heart, froot, lies,seventeen, just desserts, power & control, radioactive, bubblegum bitch, i am not a robot, can't pin me down, better than that, Mo Cheddah ko ma roll, Solange tony, losing you, cranes in the sky, girls' generation gee, oh!, boys, catch me if you can, galaxy supernova, utada hikaru merry christmas mr. lawrence, nichiyou no asa, tippy toes, poppin, the workout, apple & cinnamon, kremlin dusk, exodus

Tinashe aquarius, bet on it, cold sweat, bated breath, party favours, company, Beach Boys good vibrations, The Pretty Reckless you, miss nothing, medicine, Kalafina magia, sinachi waymaker, wretch 32 {ft. L Marshall} traktor

Birthday Massacre superstition, goodnight, blue, looking glass, Ayria gun song, Okilly Dokilly white wine spritzer, New Years’ Day gangsta [(Kehlani cover)], Nightclub show it to me, your addiction, Nuages dreams, Gunship dark all day, do as infinity inuyasha "poem of truth", nicole scherzinger your love, keri hilson{ft. kardinaloffishall} numba 1 (tide is high), Reol

Nicki Minaj your love, chun-li, barbie tings, pills & potions, superbass, right thru me, Madonna jump, (ft. MIA & Nicki Minaj )give me all your luvin’, la isla bonita, Charli XCX boom clap, you (ha ha ha), sza ice moon, bed, {yung lean ft. }fka twigs measure of a man , meta angel, pendullum, weak spot, water me, hours, hide, give up{, bliss}, 2 weeks, cover drive sparks, twilight, eminem mockingbird

[rueririn]

Pirating OPLA, thoughts

Episode 1

Garp being at Roger's execution is a nice touch

Really like how full Luffy's dinghy is-- crates of fruit, a barrel of fish instead of just one barrel of apples--- all makes sense. All the tiny details removed from manga that are just added onto opla for realism-- like the way the execution stand works, too, with the people cranking the manual lift to get roger up there. It's all very cool and makes the setting feel more piraty than mangapiece.

Our beloved Zoro tried to go to Sixis on a cruise ship. This is a good way to casually mention Zoro earlier (plus that's Ace's first island so it actually lines up on the One Piece map to be around Dawn Island--)

"it's worth more than the rest of our loot put together" a nika mention that can be interpreted as just a devil fruit mention

"You should never let anyone tell you what you can't do. If I did that, I never would have left my village to go find the One Piece." Luffy referencing Garp like this is so funny to me

Unlike mangapiece, Luffy invites Coby along before knowing his dream to become a marine. This makes me sad because now I wish la coby joined the crew

opla Shanks is weirdly more serious than mangapiece Shanks. Not necessarily in a bad way, just different. That's the attitude I'm takign for most of opla anyways.

Adding the Mr 7 and Zoro fight here is actually really cool

Beta Nami outfit aaaaa they moved the pre-orange town ship-stealing scene to serve as her introduction scene and that works so well for her.

I love that they all naturally congregated in Ririka's bar. Everyone congregates and chaos occurs. Really like how they switched things up while never really taking things off course.

"PIRATES SPREAD DISEASE" poster on the wall

Coby sliding under the table once a fight breaks outajslkdjalsijdsakj i love him pls

ADORE the barfight. It's Zoro vs Baroque Works but bite-sized and with everything we love about the most consistently badass member of the crew. Thank you.

Zoro really pulled a reverse on Helmeppo lmao. "Three swords? I only need one" proceeds to get curbed by zero swords

oh! Zoro introduced himself as pirate hunter. that makes him different from mangapiece where he explicitly says at some point that he never called himself that. But it fits the opla characterisation so fair enough.

Luffy popping out of the manhole to yell 'thanks' at Zoro just sends me. Makino taught him well.

Nami being the most independent and capable girlboss up until the second Luffy literally crashes into her life and ruins her plan is actually 100% compliant with the basis of their relationship.

Oh is this the ass naked Helmeppo scene everyone's been yelling abo--- oh it is. ok.

I've never realized how badly I wanted a Nami and Luffy fighting together scene until now. I just realized how little of those we get in Mangapiece. Holy shit.

Romance Dawn trio just has this really satisfying trio cohesion that I can't describe. They're forever my favourite trio in the strawhats and opla does a magnificent job of bringing justice to what the manga couldn't give them with its chapter and page limits, since their only trio time together without being dragged around by handicaps was in the gaimon arc.

Makes me a little sad that Coby's involvement in Shells gets cut down a little, but that's fine I guess, he got plenty of touchup in his introduction scene.

Luffy holding back laughter when he sees Helmeppo's hair. Zoro chuckling because "yeah I might've done that" and Nami just being speechless. They're so stupid i love them

Garp going silent when he hears a straw-hat pirate stole the map to the grand line. I like to think this could imply Roger also stole his map once upon a time, but for now I'm just laughing at Garp internally screeching "that STUPID GRANDSON it's been ONE DAY"

[absolutepokemontrash]

MC’s Half Demon and They Look Awfully Familiar Part 4

(The side characters strike again!)

Part 1 Part 2 Lessons 1-5 Part 2.5 Group Retreat Lessons 10-12 Part 3

L!MC= Lucifer’s kid | M!MC= Mammon’s kid | A!MC=Asmo’s kid

Let’s get right to it!

The Uncle That Hardcore Simps For His Spouse In the Most Wholesome Way (Diavolo)

Gasp! More half-demon kids? Oh my! Maybe if he tried again next year a kid of his own would pop down! Hang on- he hadn’t slept with a human in almost a century... dang. No kids for him...

...maybe...

Remember when I said Diavolo would try to do those stereotypical dad (tm) things and be hip with the kids? Yeah he keeps doing that.

The number of broken windows related to wayward baseballs goes up 150%. At least that’s how they all figured out that M!MC is nearsighted like their dad!

M!MC had developed a bit of a habit of telling Diavolo about cool human stuff and making the Crown Prince even more interested in the human world than normal.

You may be thinking “what’s so bad about that?” well, the number of yo-yos at RAD went up so high that Lucifer had to ban them.

Belphie and Satan, being the rebels they are, became yo-yo masters specifically to spite Lucifer.

It was sort of like the fidget spinners craze if you were in school for that.

Oh, hi Lord Diavolo. What’s a fidget spinner? It’s this- I should stop talking...

Since no one learned their lesson from the previous incident, Diavolo threw another BBQ.

“Why are we doing this again?” L!MC asked to no one in particular.

“Don’t worry, L!MC. I’ve taken every precaution possible to make sure that what happened last time doesn’t happen again.” Diavolo said and continued in his crusade to cover the entire pathway with sidewalk chalk doodles.

L!MC, Luke, Diavolo, M!MC, Belphie, and A!MC were all busily drawing a wide variety of doodles and drawings with chalk while the other guests milled around nearby. A!MC was in the middle of drawing quite the nice looking Cerberus chibi, while M!MC and Belphie were drawing a lot of stick figures. L!MC and Luke had just finished a wonderful drawing of... an alpaca? Giraffe? Thing...? Hell, even they didn’t know what it was.

Diavolo looked over at M!MC’s stick figure army with a big smile on his face. “So what are all of them doing? It looks like that one’s flying!”

You could practically hear the Addam’s Family theme play as M!MC and Belphie looked at each other and grinned.

“Oh Belphie was just talking about L!MC’s flying lesson fails and I felt that an artist’s rendition was needed.” M!MC explained, he began to point out certain doodles. “Here’s L!MC getting up off the ground, then there’s them actually flying, and this is them falling in the fountain.”

L!MC looked over at the chalk and glared at M!MC. “It’s generous to call that an artist’s rendition. It looks like crap.”

“And what did you draw?” Belphie smirked at the alpaca-giraffe-thing, Luke protectively covered up the drawing (side note, Luke was wearing white and playing with sidewalk chalk, by the end of the day he looked like a walking pride flag).

“None of your business!” Luke huffed.

“And what about that one?” Diavolo seemed completely oblivious to the hostility brewing between the two groups, A!MC was completely used to this and walked away to grab a drink.

“Ah, good eye, Lord Diavolo!” M!MC chirped. “This is a drawing of the time L!MC almost burned down your kitchen.”

Diavolo laughed and gave M!MC a few pats on the head. “Very accurate!”

“You’re so lucky I followed the rules and didn’t bring a water gun...” L!MC growled as they slowly reached for their backpack.

“Yeah... lucky. Real lucky...” M!MC nodded as they tried to casually reach for their bag, Belphie followed suit.

“I’m so glad we all followed the rules.” Luke smiled, his own hand inching towards his bag.

There was a brief moment of stillness before the four of them whipped out their water guns and pointed them at each other.

“This BBQ ain’t big enough for the both of us!” M!MC’s terrible cowboy impression aside, their gun was poised to shoot directly at Luke and L!MC’s alpaca-giraffe-thing.

“Everyone, I know this is a human world tradition but-”

Belphie silenced Diavolo by pointing his water gun at him. “Sh, don’t talk unless you have a water gun as well.”

Deciding not to smite Belphie for treason, Diavolo pulled his own water gun out of his shirt. “Okay, what now?”

“Now, we’re in a standoff...” L!MC glowered at M!MC, the air was practically crackling with hostility...

Until a burst of flames got everyone to whirl around to see A!MC with hairspray and a lighter.

“No water guns! I refuse to go home shivering and covered in grass again!”

Crisis averted. Everyone went to go fail at throwing beanbags into a hole instead of shooting each other.

That was probably for the best... Belphie filled everyone’s water guns with paint.

The Uncle That Does All the Cooking for Family Dinners (Barbatos)

Remember how I said that Barbs liked smol Lucifer? Yea, he likes smol Asmo too. Smol Asmo is willing to admit that they don’t know how to use an oven and is willing to learn.

M!MC is formally banned from being within 50 feet of the kitchen. It’s for the best.

A!MC often tries to get Barbatos to look into the possible futures so they can see if they can avoid messing anything up and A!MC is just so adorable that Barbatos actually thinks about it.

He still says no every single time.

“Could you at least tell me if I have the possibility of doing something embarrassing in the near future?”

“My apologies, A!MC, but no.”

“P-please?”

“The answer remains the same.”

A!MC sighed and went back to helping chop vegetables. Under Barbatos’ tutelage, A!MC’s cooking ability had increased tenfold, they could now make as many burgers as they wanted without worrying about burning down the kitchen.

Pitying the anxious half-demon, Barbatos sighed. “I cannot confirm nor deny a future where your outfit gets ruined.”

A!MC perked up. “H-huh?”

“I cannot confirm nor deny a future where your outfit gets ruined.”

Quickly understanding what Barbatos was trying to do, A!MC quickly nodded and spent the rest of the cooking time carefully taking note of their surroundings.

“Hey! What’re you guys doin’?” M!MC had managed to get in... damn! Everyone must have been putting their best efforts in keeping Solomon away from the kitchen and forgot about M!MC...

“We’re just finishing up, M!MC,” Barbatos had on his ‘oh no...’ smile. “We don’t need any help.”

“Really? You guys sure?”

“Why are you so interested?” A!MC asked.

“Lucifer said that idle hands are the devil’s playthings and that I should go look for something productive to do.” M!MC huffed. “Very ironic phrase.”

“F-fine, I guess you can...” A!MC searched for the least destructive task they could give. “Take the utensils and set the table.”

M!MC gave them a mock salute and grabbed the utensils, as they turned to leave, they knocked a large bowl of chopped fruit over, sending the fruit pieces flying.

Remembering Barbatos’ prediction, A!MC didn’t bother to try and stop the fruit from falling, they only grabbed the nearest big plate they could find and shielded their outfit from harm. The fruit splattered harmlessly against the shield.

“Whoops... my bad. You alright, A!MC?” M!MC asked as A!MC inspected their outfit.

“Y-yes actually...” A!MC turned to Barbatos, who was already getting the cleaning supplies.

“Thank you!” A!MC whispered.

Barbatos smiled and nodded. “You’re very welcome, A!MC.”

Barbatos now has two sorta-children. A!MC and Luke!

M!MC means well, I swear! He just shouldn’t be allowed in a cooking environment!

The Cousin That Your Mom Points at and Goes “Look at Him, He Helps With the Dishes, Be More Like Him.” (Simeon)

Oh man... time for some more embarrassing stories.

“Asmo was the most adorable child, it’s a shame he was such a troublemaker...”

“Really? My dad?”

“What about mine?”

“I think you can guess.”

I cannot comment on Simeon’s help with flying lessons because I refuse to Headcanon what Simeon’s wings look like until canon gives us a GLIMMER. LIKE SERIOUSLY SOLMARE IM CURIOUS-

I have a feeling the children were quite curious as well.

“What do you think his wings look like?” M!MC asked A!MC as the two peered around the corner of one of the hallways in Purgatory Hall.

“I bet they’re super nice. But besides that...” A!MC leaned over and squinted. “Why is Simeon writing with a pen and pencil? He’s writing a book... shouldn’t he use a computer?”

“Bold of you to assume he knows how to use a computer.” M!MC snickered.

A!MC frowned. “Don’t be mean... I’m sure he knows how...”

Simeon picked up his DDD and took a picture of his face, seemingly by accident, with the flash on, causing him to drop the phone in surprise.

“Probably...”

The two surveyed their angel friend like two wildlife documenters, here we see, the Simeon, not in his natural habitat, surrounded by confusing technology...

“Do you think if we scare him his wings might pop out in surprise?” M!MC wondered aloud, A!MC shrugged.

“Maybe... but I don’t think we should bother him...” A!MC whispered. “He looks busy.”

“What are you two doing?”

It took literally every bit of willpower for the two half demons to not scream in absolute terror at the sudden interruption.

Ah... it was just Solomon... in an apron... Solomon... in cooking clothes...

Oh no.

“Spying on Simeon?” Solomon asked.

“N-no...” A!MC giggled nervously. “Just crouching casually in this hallway...”

“...smooth, A!MC.” M!MC rolled their eyes.

“Well, it’s great that you two are here, I made lunch!”

A!MC and M!MC looked at each other in pure horror, they needed to get out of there!

“Uh- um... we’d love to but...” M!MC looked around frantically before just pointing at a random spot behind Solomon. “LOOK! A DISTRACTION!”

A!MC and M!MC ran out of there as fast as their legs could carry them. Finding out if Simeon had wings was not worth being poisoned. Not at all...

Good ol’ Simeon... Mr. Cristopher Peugeot on the other hand- M!MC had some questions for him.

“TSL is literally the most popular book series ever, does that mean you’re completely loaded?”

“Oh, no I’m not, I don’t have any use for human world money in the Celestial Realm. All the profits go to charity.”

“...Dude really?”

“That’s nice of you, Simeon!”

“You didn’t keep any of it..?”

Wait... Who the Hell Are You..? (Solomon)

So A!MC basically has three dads; Fabulous-dad, butler-dad, and wizard-dad!

“So you just... have capes lying around?”

“Yes, would you like a cape?”

“Okay if they don’t take the cape I want it.”

Solomon shows up to RAD with his nails painted different wacky styles every week, courtesy of A!MC.

Though- the unholy combination that is M!MC and Solomon is feared by all.

“Road work ahead?”

“Uh, yeah I sure hope it does.”

Solomon and M!MC’s rampant quoting of vines elicited another glare from Lucifer.

Despite Solomon having literally been alive since the seven rulers of hell were angels, he had kept up with pop culture fairly decently. Decently enough that M!MC had someone that wasn’t Levi to bounce memes off.

“Pff...” M!MC suppressed a laugh at a seemingly normal water bottle advertisement. “Enslaved moisture.”

“I’m not going crazy, right Simeon? You’re hearing this too?” Lucifer tiredly turned to the angel, who shook his head.

“This is just the tip of the iceberg. Solomon quacked at M!MC earlier and they lost their minds laughing about it.” Simeon shrugged, unbothered by the sorcerer and the half demon’s rampant meme-ing behind them.

Lucifer on the other hand, was quite bothered. Incredibly bothered, if you will. “If you two don’t shut up right now I’m going to-”

“Quick! We must abscond!” Solomon turned and heelied away, followed by M!MC. The shoes that Mammon bought to replace the ones lost during the casino incident were apparently heelies as well...

The day was saved when a rock jammed one of Solomon’s wheels and he slammed face first into the concrete. Yikes... that had to hurt.

A!MC had fun glow in the dark bandaids for Solomon to patch up his face. Even though he he could heal himself with magic, he let A!MC do what they wanted because they were just too adorable to say no to.

Asmo has pictures

The Cousin Squad (tm)

(Luke, L!MC, A!MC, and M!MC)

Ah yes, the bab squad. The most adorable group in the Devildom. Surrender your candy immediately or face destruction.

M!MC teases the crap out of Luke, and A!MC tries to stop it, but L!MC is the one who manages to actually make M!MC stop.

Only L!MC gets to pick on the smol angel. GOT IT?!

A!MC and Luke are already baking buddies because of butler-dad so they get along swimmingly.

Poor Luke’s the victim of many of M!MC’s shenanigans.

Luke: Are you sure this is safe, M!MC?

M!MC (about to put mentos into the bottle of coke Luke is holding): No.

L!MC and A!MC get along really well, being honest, everyone loves A!MC.

A!MC makes sure L!MC gets some sleep because they don’t want their cousin picking up on Lucifer’s habit of living off of coffee and coffee alone. L!MC doesn’t get it but they’re very grateful anyway.

M!MC and A!MC were friends from the start. Well... M!MC decided they were friends right from the start and A!MC did not have the ability to fight the power of friendship.

M!MC: You are being befriended. Please do not resist.

Since M!MC is great and amazing like their pop, they took it upon themselves to be the friend that speaks up when A!MC is too nervous to do so.

M!MC and L!MC? Lucifer and Mammon 2 electric boogaloo. Sorta.

L!MC and M!MC bicker all the time but the babs bounce back from their fights way easier.

One minute they’re at each other’s throats and the next they’re showing each other memes.

“There’s no escaping this.”

Lucifer stood between M!MC and the door... their one way ticket to freedom...

“You need to go to the dentist.”

The entire HOL plus the Purgatory Hall crew were getting ready to go visit the dentist to get their teeth cleaned. It was the time of the year that Mammon dreaded most... and his child felt the same way.

“My teeth are fine! Lemme stay home! I’ll hold down the fort with dad!” M!MC smiled and nodded as enthusiastically as they could, but even the most unobservant person couldn’t miss the sweat beading on their forehead.

“Beel.” Lucifer snapped his fingers and before M!MC could do anything Beel had thrown them over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

“Don’t worry M!MC, the dentist isn’t that scary.” Beel tried to assure them. By the way M!MC was still kicking and screaming, they were not convinced.

“Y-yeah kiddo, suck it up! Don’t be a baby! I’m just gonna take my car there-”

“MAAAAAAMOOOON?!”

“YIKES!”

Lucifer had the important task of keeping a hold of Mammon as the very large group made their way to the dentist’s office.

A devious little idea popped into L!MC’s head as they all sat down in the waiting room. They began to hum a familiar little tune.

“She said be a deeeentiiiist~ a dentist!” L!MC sang to M!MC, who’s attempts to escape increased tenfold after hearing the song.

A!MC began to hum along, not seeming to notice the commotion going on next to them.

“Son be a deeentiiiiiist~ people will pay you for causing them PAIN! She said be a deeentiiiiiist~”

Belphie perked up and smiled deviously as he realized what L!MC was doing, he began to sing along as well. The three were a veritable choir of terror to poor M!MC. Mammon did not understand his child’s terror and was more unnerved by what a great team Belphie and L!MC made.

Satan rolled his eyes and tried to focus on his book, Asmo was absorbed in his magazine, Levi was having a very in depth conversation with the fish in the aquarium, Simeon and Solomon chatted about school, and Luke was stuck watching the train wreck go down.

Thankfully, it was halted by Lucifer. “L!MC, A!MC, Belphegor, stop tormenting M!MC with show tunes.”

“You would have made a good dentist in another life, Lucifer,” Belphie cooed. “You know what they say, the only difference between a dentist and a sadist is that one has newer magazines.”

Asmo grimaced at his magazine. “Is it the sadist? Because I’m reading a magazine from 1843...”

The conversation was interrupted by one of the dental hygienists coming into the waiting room and saying that Mammon was up first. The Avatar of Greed’s final escape attempt was foiled by Satan (not even looking up from his book) clotheslining him.

Thirty minutes later, Mammon emerged from the forbidden dentist room, with the look of trauma in his eyes and eating a lollipop.

One by one, the group went in, A!MC took it upon themselves to try and make the rapidly panicking Luke feel better.

“It won’t be too scary, in the human world dentists are usually very nice.” A!MC smiled encouragingly.

“I-I’m sure that’s true but...” Luke looked around. “We aren’t in the human world...”

Asmo skipped back in and flashed a blinding grin to the group. “Absolutely perfect, no flaws! It’s your turn, A!MC!”

“If you die I get to say I told ya so!” M!MC shouted as A!MC walked into the dentist’s room.

They did not in fact, die because of the dentist. A!MC walked out and gave a thumbs up. “The dentist said they had never seen a kid with such perfect teeth.”

“That’s my baby!” Asmo chirped.

“M!MC, you’re up.” A!MC and Beel had to practically drag the poor kid out of the room and into the dentist area of doom.

“GO BE A DEEEEEENTIIIIIIST!” Belphie and L!MC shouted one last time as the doors shut. Wow, what dickheads...

Mammon probably would have tried to save his poor little bugger, but he was in the middle an impromptu therapy session with Simeon over the scary scraping dentist knife thingie.

Beel was the last to go, and he walked out of the dentist’s room with his face covered in blood, the dentist walked out after him, missing a hand.

“You tasted like toothpaste.” Beel sighed. “Not good.”

“Don’t worry,” The dentist said to Luke, who looked like he was about to pass out. “My hand will grow back in about four to five minutes.”

Luke, still terrified, nodded. L!MC patted him on the shoulder.

“Anyway, almost all of you are fine, but I have to recommend M!MC to the orthodontist.” The dentist flipped through their notepad one-handed. “Their secondary set of fangs are coming out crooked and need to be corrected with braces immediately.”

M!MC sat calmly for a moment, then attempted to sprint out the door. “NO NO NO NO NO!” One of the dental hygienists grabbed them by the back of their shirt and halted their escape.

“Sucks to be you.” L!MC smirked.

“And L!MC needs to fix their cross bite, braces are a strong possibility.”

The colour drained from L!MC’s face as the news dawned upon them. “Pardon, but what exactly are you talking about..?”

“Your top jaw and bottom jaw aren’t properly lined up.” The dentist explained. “It will lead to problems later if it’s not fixed now.”

Lucifer rubbed his temples and sighed. “L!MC, if you try and run away I swear...”

L!MC stiffened and shook their head. “I’m not some coward, I’m not running away. Just... what exactly are you going to do to my mouth?”

The dentist pulled up a few pictures of the braces and explained what would be done. L!MC nodded, and turned to their father with a big smile on their face.

“It won’t be so bad, mind if I go to the bathroom before I get the mold for my teeth made?”

Lucifer nodded and almost audibly sighed in relief. He basked in the glory of having a child that wasn’t afraid of the dentist and faced their fears like an adult-

L!MC sprinted past the dentist’s office, they had busted out of the bathroom window.

“...Beel.”

“Yep.”

A few minutes later, Beel returned with a completely irate L!MC who was screaming their demands to be put down and be allowed to run for the hills. Taking advantage of the distraction, M!MC ran for the door again, only for Belphie to tap them on the forehead.

M!MC collapsed into a snoring heap on the floor.

“FATHER! DON’T MAKE ME DO THIS!” L!MC practically screamed as they tried to wrestle themselves out of Beel’s bear hug.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “L!MC, calm yourself down. It’s just braces.”

“AS EVERYONE HERE AS MY WITNESSES I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS! NEVER!”

The half-demons in need of braces were dragged right back into the dentist’s area... poor fools.

“They’ll be okay... right?” Luke asked.

“Of course they will be. It’s just braces.” Simeon patted Luke on the head. “They’ll both be fine.”

The scream that came from down the hall right after Simeon said that did not reassure anyone.

“Hey,” Mammon piped up. “How much do braces cost?”

“From what I know about dental procedures,” Satan rubbed his chin. “A few thousand Grimm.”

“Mammon if you try and run for that door I will cut your credit card into a thousand pieces.” Lucifer growled.

Overall, it was a fairly average trip to the dentist. 0/10 would not recommend. A few weeks later L!MC and M!MC were fitted with their mouth prisons- I mean braces, and the two cousins bonded over their horrific mouth pain...

Seriously- braces suck.

——————————————

So! Those are the headcanons! Four and a half whole parts... phew... To all the people who enjoyed this series, thank you so so much for reading! You guys have been so super nice!

Fret not, I plan on writing more for this universe! From what I know about season 2 of Obey Me things will get... interesting. Stay tuned for more! Or don’t, I can’t force you.

...or can I?

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

The Sommelier (Hannigram x Female!Reader) pt. 25

Y/n puts an end to everything.

@dovahdokren @deadman-inc-bikeshop @lov3vivian @wisesandwichshark @scpdragon

⚠️HUGE⚠️ trigger warnings: rape, drugging, sex trafficking, VERY graphic descriptions of violence, physical violence (please let me know if I leave anything out)

Hannibal could walk through a valley of human suffering and not even flinch. You couldn't tell if that made him subhuman or superhuman. You, however, were just human.

You wanted to be a badass. You wanted to kick the door down and make a scene. But one woman was enough to break you.

She was wearing only a large t-shirt. A cloth bandage covered in blood covered her pubic area like a makeshift pair of underpants. She laid limply against a stone. Her arms were punctured where needles had been.

"I don't..." she mumbled, clearly intoxicated beyond function. "...don't make me..."

You knew you couldn't afford to stop. But compassion kept your feet firmly on the ground in front of her.

"What is Chase making you do?"

"I can't-" She said, pressing her forehead against the rock. "I can't be an unwoman-"

She began to slam her head against the rock with clear intent to take her own life. Without thinking, you grabbed her by the shoulders and shoved her into the grass. She sobbed, a bloody, but thankfully, survivable, gash on her forehead.

"Tell me your name." You demanded, squeezing her shoulders.

"...Tiffany." She said with a sudden lucidity.

The name unlocked a memory in you. It was the still image of a sunny young girl, immortalized on a faded missing person's ad hung up at the grocery store. Tiffany Rose Pierce, it read.

"I'm gonna get you out of here, Tiffany." You whispered. "I'm gonna get all of you out of here."

"Vanguard won't like that." She said, slipping back into a state of minimal consciousness.

"Stay here." You instructed, pushing yourself back to your feet.

You readied your gun and slowly, carefully pushed the cabin door open. Suddenly, the stained glass window was the least of your worries.

The entire area was lined with cheaply-constructed bunk beds, like an overgrown henhouse. Women with distinctively long hair were shackled to the lower bunks. Their shaven counterparts, the unwomen, were forced to be the slavedrivers. They held the chained women down.

You heard the rattling of chains coming from the right. It was accompanied with screaming and wet slapping.

"Take daddy's cock you filthy fucking broodmare." A familiar voice grunted.

The only way you could look at him was behind the barrel of your gun. He was exactly how you pictured him while listening to his voice in the car. Unremarkable, middle-aged and serpentine.

"Pastor Armitage!" You yelled.

To hear someone call him by his title in the midst of violating a person was enough to send him into a panic. He sputtered and his entire face turned red.

He didn't suffer for long, though. A 12 gauge shell right through the face took care of that. Fragments of his head, his blood and brain matter splattered everywhere. His knees buckled and his limp body collapsed.

The room fell silent. Smoke trickled out of your barrel.

"Where's fucking Chase?" You asked the room.

Someone weakly pointed up the stairs. You met her eyes and nodded.

"Sorry about the mess."

Now you knew how Hannibal felt. Blowing someone's head off made you acutely aware of your own head on your shoulders. You held it higher. You felt no remorse as you ascended the staircase with your gun blazing.

You came across a room with some words etched in the door. 'Skin room'. You launched your foot squarely into the door, causing it to violently swing open. 

You examined the room from behind the gun. Chase had done a hell of a job dressing up this cheap cabin bedroom like a hotel suite, but the smell hit you before you could be fooled. A brick chimney, a wine cooler and a mahogany desk were positioned so the eye would gravitate towards the luxury while the nose picked up the brutality. The stained glass window was suspended in front of the real window, absorbing the mid-morning light and giving the room an eerie sepia tint. 

You cocked your gun to announce your presence. You heard the sound of running water, and then a side door swung open. 

“You’ll forgive me a couple minutes to freshen up.” Chase said, shaking his hands dry. “Cleanliness is close to godliness, after all.” 

You said nothing. You didn’t want to dignify him with a conversation. 

He bent over and pulled a bottle of wine from his cooler. He placed it squarely on the desk. You looked at it, then did a double take. He grinned sadistically. 

“Is that...” You leaned in to get a closer look. “1907 Heidsieck Monople Gout?” 

Chase shrugged. “You tell me. You’re the wine expert.” 

You’d heard many a conflicting story about the legendary 1907 Heidsieck. Some said as many as 2,000 bottles were pulled up from the depths of the freezing Baltic sea. Some said a single bottle could go for half a million dollars. With that kind of precedent, you never thought you’d ever have to worry about it. Yet, there it was. Right in front of you. 

“I’m saving it for a special occasion.” Chase said, suddenly reminding you where you were.

You returned to your gun. “For when you kill me?” 

“For when I save you.” Chase smiled, his unnaturally white teeth glistening in the sepia light. “See, Miss [F/N], you survived two of my attempts on your life. God has smiled down on you.” 

“Or, maybe,” You interrupted. “You’re just horrible at killing.” 

Chase raised his eyebrows, but said nothing.

"A knife through the hand hurts like a bitch, but it isn't fatal." You shrugged. "And you didn't do a good enough job beating the fear of death out of Catherine. Else she might have actually gone through with it. Maybe if you'd sent Tiffany-"

"God loves you." Chase interrupted before you could poke more holes in his attempts on your life. "Why you're still alive when so many less deserving of death have died is beyond me, but god works in mysterious ways, doesn't he?"

"She sure does." You smirked.

Chase cleared his throat. You'd pegged him as the type to get irrationally angry at the implication of god being a woman, so his reaction surprised you.

"Well, let's get down to business, shall we?" He gestured to a seat across from him.

You narrowed your eyes. "I don't think so."

"Pity." He pouted. "Not even for poor Mr. Graham?"

It dawned on you that he probably still thought he had Will, and you could use it to your advantage.

You held your gun at your side and hesitantly sat down in the seat. A gluttonous smile spread across Chase's face.

"So it wasn't wine after all." He said. "It wasn't even your own life. You're only willing to save your soul for the sake of your precious Will Graham."

"What do you care?" You growled through your teeth. "This is just a power grab for you. You wouldn't know what genuine empathy for another person feels like."

He grinned, as if someone had just flipped his 'on' switch. "Jesus does."

"Did Jesus use his influence to lure teenage girls into a sick breeding ring?" You sneered. "I don't remember that from VeggieTales."

"Genesis 1:28." Chase said. "And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply."

"I suppose you also don't eat shellfish or wear mixed fabrics." You rolled your eyes.

"It's always the same arguments from you atheists." Chase scoffed, adding a distinct bite to the last word. "When are you going to show some actual proof that the bible isn't an infallible model for human morality?"

"Maybe when you stop eating shellfish and wearing mixed fabrics." You repeated.

"They are minor sins at best." Chase grimaced. "I have gotten right with Jesus. You, on the other hand, oh, you. Your sins are weighty."

"I did just blast a rapist's head off." You admitted. "And it's going to be two very soon if this one doesn't get to the fucking point."

"I know about your exploits." He squinted. "With Mr. Graham and the man with the Nazi accent."

"He's actually from Lithuania, which, if you wanna be technical," you corrected, just for the sake of being annoying. "Is an ex-Soviet state, but whatever."

Chase tensed up at being corrected. "I know about your hedonistic sexual activities with two men, your exploration. But in the bible, Satan approaches these two people called Adam and Eve..."

"No he didn't." You shook your head. "It was a serpent. The devil wasn't a concept when Genesis was written."

Chase gritted his teeth. "God made one man and one woman. Each to fill each other's sexual desires, within the context of marriage, entirely-"

"But Adam had two spouses, didn't he?" You cocked your head and smiled. "Eve wasn't even the first woman in Adam's life. That was Lilith."

Chase heaved a frustrated sigh. "How do you know that?!"

"I was raised catholic." You said in the tonal equivalent of smacking him upside the head. "I was forced into religion at a young age and brainwashed to hate myself."

"See, that's where we agree." Chase tented his hands, thinking he found a genuine point of connection. "Organized religion is a cancer on society. Christianity is fundamentally about a relationship with god."

You laughed. It was the first real, good laugh you had in a while.

"Don't laugh." He scolded. "I am sorry that that was your experience with religion and that the Catholic church modeled a false teaching of who god is and what he wants. Not all christians-"

You wiped a tear from your eye. "Homie, you killed four people in front of me."

He placed his hand over his heart. "And christ forgave me. And he can forgive you too."

"Alright, this has been fun and everything," you said, standing up. You aimed your shotgun and cocked it. "But, I did come here to kill you, so, open wide."

Chase put his hand squarely over the barrel and pushed it out of the way. "You don’t have the guts to pull the trigger."

You pulled the trigger and blasted his hand clean off. Any hope of reattachment was shattered, as bits of his hand painted the walls and floor.

You opened the gun and let the two empty shells fall to the ground while Chase screamed in agony.

Instead of going through the motions of reloading, you smashed him over the head with the gun. He wrapped his good hand around the barrel and attempted to wrestle it away from you. You took this as an invitation to corner him against the wall with the still-hot barrel against his neck. He smashed his forehead into your nose, sending you tumbling backwards.

The shotgun fell to the ground. You pinched the bridge of your nose to control the blood flow. Chase wrapped a champagne towel around his stump and picked up a small revolver on his desk. He let off a shot, which lodged itself into your shoulder. By the time he let off the second shot, you were on the ground. The third shot didn't fire, just let out a flash and a bang.

"Goddamn blanks!" He cursed.

He tore open a drawer and rummaged around for bullets, giving you a window to come up from behind and gouge your fingers into his eyes. He screamed, dropping a handful of bullets. He flailed aimlessly, then charged backwards, slamming you into the cheap drywall.

He felt around for the bullets without the advent of eyesight. You knew you wouldn't be able to take aim with your shotgun with a bullet lodged in your shoulder, so you dove for the revolver.

Chase grabbed you by the ankle and dragged you down. You hit the floor with a thud, the collision making the bullets jump. Chase grinned, using the sound to place them. He turned around and reached for one, while you scooped up another that had rolled under the desk.

You scrambled to your feet. Chase's hand was just centimeters from the revolver. Thinking fast (but not so thoroughly), you grabbed for the revolver. You wrapped your hand around the barrel, putting yourself at a disadvantage if he fired off another blank.

Chase, however, wasn't that forward-thinking, and opted for a childish game of tug-of-war instead. Knowing he had the brute strength advantage, you waited for him to pull back and released your grip. Chase tumbled, cursing on his way down.

With no thought on your mind but ending this, you launched your foot into his sack, causing him to scream and drop the gun.

Just as you thought it was over, just when the gun was in arm's reach, he kicked your knees backwards and you fell. You swallowed the pain and army crawled for the revolver.

"I don't think so." Chase spat, smiling like a maniac. He grabbed your face with his good hand and his fingers slithered down your throat.

"Choke..." he demanded. "Choke, demoness."

Strengthened by animalistic instinct, you crushed his fingers under your teeth. The sound of snapping bone filled the inside of your head and a sudden rush of blood flooded into your mouth. He withdrew his hand, leaving a finger behind to limply fall down your throat.

You coughed and gagged while Chase screamed. A single bloody digit dislodged itself from your windpipe, flew across the room and landed on the desk.

Chase sputtered something resembling a laugh. "Maybe you're not such a dumb bitch after all."

You grabbed the gun and pushed yourself up with the help of the desk. The finger stared up at you as you loaded the single bullet.

You positioned the finger onto the trigger and guided it with your gloved hand. Then you aimed it at his forehead. Dead by his gun, by his trigger finger. Bleeding on the ground in his private bunker while the empire he built collapses around him. A coward's death. It was poetic enough an end as he deserved.

"You want to say a prayer before you meet god?" You offered.

"My soul is saved." Chase said through ragged breaths. "My place in heaven is secured."

Bang. One bullet, right between the eyes. A bloody fingerprint on the pistol. You dropped the revolver and collapsed. You just laid there, listening to your phone buzz.

[metaphorical-love-for-a-car]

Look What the Cat Dragged In-- Viago (WWDITS) x Reader

Request: "Saw this [comic below] and totally thought it would a good idea for a fic as I could totally see my cat Oliver doing this lol 😆" @minigirl87​

Warnings: none!

Word Count: 1k

Notes: sorry its so short :/ writer’s block has been kicking my ass lately

      Viago and Deacon had another fight. The latter neglected his share of the flat chores and refused to put in any effort in maintaining the property. It had taken many years for him to widdle Viago down to his last nerve, but he finally snapped. What would have been them bowing up and hissing at each other turned into a bat-fight. Deacon was more scrappy than Viago was, and he often fought dirty. Viago left before things could get any worse. He planned to stay out as long as possible, not wanting to endure the teasing that was bound to happen when he went back home. Viago grew up learning prose, not how to fight, and the others often gave him grief over it. 

      You had never been the type to live in the middle of the city. You loved nature and the sense of peace it provided. Plus, you wanted to have plenty of room for your cat to explore. He was always getting into something. Speak of the devil, he was pawing at the back door, ready to be let inside. "Alright, alright! Calm down, I'm coming," you laughed. When you pulled the door open, you weren't expecting the fat tabby to come trotting inside with a bat in his mouth. You froze for a moment, unsure of how to react. You finally snapped out of your stupor. "Oliver, no! Drop it!" You grabbed the cat and wrangled the poor creature out of his grasp. It didn't appear that Oliver was trying to harm the bat, but he was clearly annoyed that you had taken it away. You tsked, shaking your head. The bat had a few scratches, but nothing that seemed too serious. 

     You found a cardboard box and put a fluffy blanket in the bottom of it, along with a small bowl of water and some fruit slices. After cleaning the bat's wounds, you placed it in the box. "You can stay here tonight, then we'll figure out where to go next." You figured it would be best to leave the box in the bathroom. If the bat escaped, there wouldn't be much for it to destroy, and Oliver wouldn't be able to get a hold of it. 

     You returned to your desk and desperately tried to focus on the droning phone call. Your boss was addressing the team on unimportant matters that could have easily been explained in an email. Propping your head on your hand, you struggled to stay focused. Your eyes fluttered shut. It wouldn't hurt to rest your eyes for a brief moment... if it had only been a brief moment. A loud thud startled you awake. You groaned, realizing that you had been asleep for several hours. The meeting was long over, and you had quite the angry text from your supervisor about not participating in the group calls. It was nearing five in the morning, and you knew that there was no way you'd be able to go back to sleep after such a rude awakening. You pulled yourself from the chair and stretched your back. You figured that it was just Oliver getting into something again. Another loud thud came from inside the bathroom. Your brows knit together. What could the bat possibly be doing to cause such a racket? You slowly pulled the bathroom door open, only to freeze when you saw a man standing inside. He was wearing vastly outdated clothes, including a cloak that was somehow wrapped around the shower curtain rod. Taking a deep breath, you mustered up the courage to snatch the door wide open. "How the hell did you get in here?" you snapped. The man yelped, stumbling backward with wide eyes. He tumbled to the floor and snatched the curtain rod down with him. "You have ten seconds to explain yourself before I call the cops." He quickly waved his hands in the air.

     "You will walk away and remember nothing of me." You scoffed, mimicking his movements.

     "Your Jedi mind tricks do not work on me." 

     "Damn it! I can never get that right when I'm stressed," he mumbled. The man flashed you an apologetic smile. "I hope I did not scare you. I was about to thank you for your hospitality, but as I was changing from my bat form, I-- er, uh-- had a little mishap." He gestured to the cloak-wrapped curtain rod. You pinched the bridge of your nose, beginning to question your sanity.

     "You're saying that you were the bat? What, are you like... some kind of vampire or something?" His face lit up.

     "Exactly!" You crossed your arms.

     "Okay, prove it." The man sat there for a moment, thinking. He finally returned his gaze to you.

     "Well, I have these fangs. See?" He widened his smile, pointing at the elongated teeth. You pursed your lips. There were three possibilities: 1. He was telling the truth, 2. He was lying and actually snuck into your house to murder you, or 3. You were going insane and hallucinating. You decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and hesitantly sat in front of him. You started untangling his cloak from the curtain rod. He quietly watched.

     "So, Mr. Vampire, you got a name?" He sheepishly laughed, rubbing the back of his neck.

     "Oh! Yes, my apologies, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Viago." You held out a hand as you introduced yourself, and he shook it. When you finally freed his cloak, Viago repeatedly thanked you.

     "Don't thank me yet. You're probably gonna be stuck here for a while. The sun should be coming up any minute... this is the only room without windows, so you should probably stay in here... but I can bring in some pillows and blankets, and you can tell me about the wondrous world of vampires?" Viago smiled, nodding.

     "Yes, I'd quite like that."

~*~*~

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Permanent Tag List:

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[hauntingblue]

Vivi wondering what the numbers mean and ending up at: for aesthetic purposes? Naah....

[darkmindsotome]

Traditional Etiquette

Title: Traditional Etiquette

Fandom: Love365 Masquerade Kiss

Pairing: Kei Soejima x MC

Word count: 4,189

Warning: NSFW Smut

Written by: darkmindsotome

Summary: Your job leads you to being in attendance at the same festive location as your boyfriend. What will happen on this holy night when you are reunited with the man who turned his back on God and this holiday?

Tagging @voltage-vixen as requested. Prompt #1: Kiss me under the Mistletoe

---

Traditional Etiquette

There was a different kind of chill in the air compared to the winters back home. It probably had something to do with the humidity. The wind here felt cutting against your skin making any exposed part sting in the air.

Space heaters had been placed around the grounds of the immaculately decorated historic house in an attempt to keep guests as far from the wintery chill as possible. Pulling the warm cashmere shawl tighter around my shoulders I made a few calculations trying to decide on the best way to make my exit.

Currently tucked safely inside my garter was a necklace once owned by an Empress. A gift from her husband and currently missing from a collection on display in the London National Museum. On the verge of an international incident that could easily turn into something involving military responses, the EAC had been contacted.

Thanks to the new assignment any plans I had for the holidays were dashed. Curse of a spy strikes again.

Naturally, the fallout from such a disaster was something everyone wished to avoid but that did nothing to improve my mood. The officials and museum had put a truly incredible replica on display to buy some breathing room in order to retrieve the original. Time was unforgiving and it was an inevitable fact that eventually the fake would be found out. This was a race against the clock.

I could still remember the way Kei looked at me the night I received the call.

“Ha-ha, your face is a picture.” His apparent joy as he watched me and my inner turmoil felt completely out of place.

We were in his rooms at Raven in Tokyo, sipping brandy tea with some low music playing in the background when my phone rang disturbing the peace.

“Well excuse me.” Glaring at him, I ended up drinking the brandy tea in my hands almost in one go as I attempted to avoid his all-seeing eyes.

I knew my inner disappointment at how the holidays were already a disaster before they started was on full display but I was trying hard to hide it. I mean it's normal to want to spend the holidays with your partner, right?

While I sulked Kei chuckled, his eyes never leaving me for a second.

“Will you really miss me that much?”

The sound of fine china being placed on the coffee table forced me to look at him. There was a smile on his face that was far from innocent as he stood from his seat and drew slowly closer. Instead of simply moving next to me he lulled me into a false sense of security and circled around my back leaning over so his mouth was millimetres from my ear.

A move that had the world around us blocked from thought as well as my ability to process the information I just received from work. He was demanding my full attention, commanding me to focus only on him.

“Someone is forgetting something very important.” His voice was low and dripping in that sensual honey-like poison that instantly set my heart racing. Cool hands snaked over my shoulders treating me to a massage that felt far more intense than it really was. “No matter where you are, what you do, who you’re with… I am always right here.” The chilled digits slipped further, deftly circumvented the fabric of my blouse. The teasing patterns he mapped out against my hidden body had me warming to the slightest of touches.

“…Kei.” His name ended up escaping me in a near whisper. How easy was it to fall under his spell? Two could play that game.

Taking one of his hands I brought it to my lips kissing the flesh between his fingers, dragging my tongue across the knuckles before giving them a nip with my teeth. I heard his breath catch behind me. I couldn’t see how his eyes had darkened with lust but I knew he was feeling me and that knowledge was enough to thrill me.

He guided his now marked hand to my lips, brushing them with his fingertips before pushing them inside stroking my tongue and the inside of my mouth. My head naturally tilted back catching a glimpse of the awoken devil behind me. It was then that I knew this was only the beginning.

“That’s right. Be my good girl…”

I suddenly felt flushed with the memory of that night. It was the last one we spent together before starting this mission. It wasn’t as if we had specific plans for the holiday. If anything, it was a time of year Kei usually spent avoiding the celebratory atmosphere. We might not share the same associations with the festivities but it didn’t mean I didn’t still want to spend time with him.

The idea of him sitting in his rooms at Raven. Large fire crackling, spiced cider in hand and the way the light would settle on him as he quietly read. It was a comforting image that brought a smile to my face.

Looking around the glamourous gathering with the twinkling lights and elegant festive decorations I suddenly felt very lonely. I wanted to leave, to get a flight out of here as fast as possible. The weight of precious metal and gems concealed under my dress was a reassuring reminder of a job well done. Still, it wouldn’t do to be so close to the end and have it all fall apart because I let my guard down too early.

Glancing around to make sure everyone was suitably distracted I made my move only to then bump into someone behind me.

“Oh! I’m sorry.” I instantly apologised. Curiosity rose as I wondered who could have moved so near to me that I didn’t even sense them.

“Completely my fault, Miss.” An all too familiar voice speaks up before I had a chance to even look.

“Kei?” His name comes all too easily to me. I instantly end up looking to see if anyone else had heard my faux pas.

“My apologies I was drawn to you and found myself at a complete loss of words.” Kei casually covers for me whilst treating me to his Princely performance. “Where are my manners? Kei Soejima at your service.” With a half-bow he scooped up my right hand, placing a featherlight kiss to the back of it.

“Lily Dunaway, a pleasure to meet you Mr Soejima.” I greet him with my alias and a smile that expertly hides any of my surprise at finding him here of all places.

Kei is far from stupid. He both knows I am on a mission and also what my alias is for work. I watch as he gracefully takes two glass flutes from a passing waiter.

“Champagne? Or were you perhaps looking for something else?” Narrowing my eyes at his suggestive comment for a second, I then accept one of the offered glasses.

“Champagne would be fine, thank you.” Playing the part of the perfect agent I timed my sip to his. “I have to wonder what small miracle would bring such a distinguished guest to me.” I ask in part as a curious agent but also as his girlfriend.

“Miracle? Well, I suppose it would be the season for it.” His smile was as ambiguous as his answer. Taking another sip from his glass I watched as the alcohol coated his lower lip like a gloss. It was a practically mouthwatering image.

We have an agreement not to interfere with work. Both of us stood there in our own private world sizing each other up, playing one suggestive comment for another. Reading between the lines as our little game continued.

“I wonder if you might grant me the opportunity to dance with the most beautiful lady at this rather stuffy affair?” He says with a slightly dramatic flair that felt like it overlapped with a Prince in a fairytale.

“Stuffy affair? Is that really how you would describe this event?” I can’t help but giggle in response.

“Attend one charity gathering at this time of year sadly they all seem to blur into one. All worthy causes, but the crowds sadly are nearly always the same.” His face takes on all the charms of a puckish little boy which only serves to cause my heart to flip.

“In that case, I would love to dance. You almost make it feel as if you are saving me from impending boredom.” I give a light and breezy reply hoping he can’t see how easily he has me bending to his commands. I’m still on a mission.

“Ha-ha, the pleasure is all mine I assure you.” Elegantly taking my glass from me, he placed it on a passing waiter’s tray along with his own. Slipping an arm around my waist he then began to lead us in a waltz that guided us deeper into the gardens away from the grand house and guests.

The music became fainter as we lost ourselves in each other’s eyes and embrace. His body moving perfectly in sync against mine was a sinfully chaste motion. It left me wishing for more contact than the minimal required to dance. We are so close yet so agonisingly far apart. He planned this, didn’t he? It is a very Kei thing and yet I still can’t get a clear read on the guy even after dating him.

I pondered this idea while maintaining eye contact with my boyfriend. His unreadable eyes reflecting only me while he continued to smile and move us in time with the muted tune. A large golden ornament hanging from a set of trees that made up the entrance to another part of this lavish historic garden caught my eye. I swear rich people…

For all my inner protests about flashy displays of money, there was no denying its beauty. A refreshing scent filled the crisp night air around it. It was a set of five golden hoops, wrapped in evergreens and fresh herbs with what looked like an ornate fruit bowl trapped inside. To finish it all off this spherical link cage had a familiar white berried plant hanging in a tumbling bunch beneath it all.

“So pretty.” I ended up expressing myself honestly and feeling a little childish in the process. I’d attended lots of luxurious events in the line of duty and here I was looking at a giant decoration like a cat that had found a room with a glitter ball in it.

“A Kissing Bough.” Kei didn’t seem to mind he just turned his head acknowledging the oversized ornament. He inclined his head after turning back to me relaxing his arm around my waist putting an end to our dance. “You aren’t familiar with it?”

“I think I saw something like it once on a European period drama but up close it's even more beautiful.” No point in lying at this point. We were alone and even if I didn’t account for Kei being able to see right through me, I couldn’t deny that tonight of all nights I didn’t want to lie to him.

“Well then allow me to explain. You are familiar with the tradition of Mistletoe?” He naturally straightened his posture in preparation for his impromptu lecture. I actually love it when he does this although I have no idea if he knows that or not.

“Yes, you are supposed to share a kiss under it.” I nodded and answered ever the perfect student causing him to smile warmly before he continued to fill in the finer details.

“Exactly but traditionally it was slightly more than that. It was part of the celebration in ancient Greece during Saturnalia that there was an act of kissing involving the plant. It is associated with fertility, peace, love and friendship. Druids are thought to be some of the first to bring the Mistletoe inside believing it to also imbue good luck and ward off evil spirits.” He was talking as if he were reading a story from one of his collections of old books.

His breadth of knowledge was really something. Kazuomi wasn’t joking when he said Kei was something of a know it all, able to hold conversations about anything and everything with ease. I imagine it is what makes him such a good diplomat.

“It has a long history then?” I chimed in encouraging him to continue.

“Yes, Romans used to settle agreements and conflict under it. Even in Norse mythology, you can find this little parasite. Did you know there was a time when it was not only frowned upon as a decoration but it was on a list to be banned from adorning a church? The idea didn’t take.” He whispered the last part in my ear as if sharing a secret which gave me goosebumps on my neck.

“How did it get to be such a well-recognised holiday decoration then?” Attempting to maintain my composed mask of an elite spy I casually brought my shawl higher up and tucking myself in tighter. He wasn’t fooled for a second and only chuckled seeing me react to him. Still, he didn’t touch me just continued with his history lesson.

“Well now in the UK it is connected to the Yule season but that isn’t the case in others. You could argue that the origins of this quaint little custom as we know it came from England in the 1700s but it was far more popular by the Victorian era. Before we had the tradition of a tree as a symbol of the holiday there was this.” He pointed above us at the hanging festive orb. I followed his reach and looked up.

I felt something shift but was not fast enough to react. Something about Kei always seemed to render me sluggish with my reactions. He had a way of making every movement of his feel like it naturally just belonged. Warmth pressed against my back and I felt his arms circle around mine.

His fingers located the back of my hand that was holding the shawl tight against myself. His long fingers began to stroke the skin there. Tracing the veins, following the lines to my inner wrist and back again in lazy slow patterns. He continued to speak, his voice low in my ear making it impossible for me to think of anything other than his sultry voice and touch.

“You said you are familiar with the tradition of kissing under Mistletoe but are you aware it is, in fact, a very poisonous little plant? Such a symbol, shrouded in all this romance. Providing a dash of poison to the whole affair.” His lips brushed against my ear lobe. The soft kiss made me shudder sweetly in his arms. “There are actually two traditions involved with this plant. The first involves plucking a berry from the bunch for every kiss stolen.” He reached up and stolen a single white berry from the greenery, balancing it in the palm of his hand in front of us. “When the berries are all gone so too are your privileges.”

Spinning me around in his arms so I couldn’t avoid his darkened gaze a devilish smile crept over his face. It felt like I was pinned in place while his fingers now at my back began tracing my spine through the fabric of my dress. I had never wanted to curse such a thin barrier between us more.

“The other follows a more common route. Anyone under the mistletoe that refuses a kiss will suffer from a curse of bad luck. What are you thinking?” He was seriously unfair. He knew exactly what I was thinking and insisted on teasing.

“That I’d very much like to avoid that curse.” At some point, I had begun to feel like I was floating, bound in his gaze the only thing in my world was the sound of his voice, and the temptation of his sinful lips.

“Well then. What do you say, ‘Lily’? Shall we escape the madding crowd and explore this little tradition for ourselves?” Taking my hand in his he led me through the tree entrance and into a walled garden.

It felt like I was following him through a magical world, the scents of the flowers blooming in the winter mingling with his natural musk kept me firmly in a dreamlike stupor as my body trailed along automatically with his guidance. I really would walk through Hell itself and fear nothing of it with this man. Where is the perfect student and spy now?

The house and its guests were hidden behind the high walls covered in the fragments of trailing plants. A thick frost had covered the world around us making it feel as if it was frozen in time.

Suddenly Kei came to a stop glancing around us briefly before pushing me into the shadow of some of the immaculate large topiaries. It put distance between us, breaking the spell.

“Kei?” The loss of his touch even for the briefest of moments had me searching for him again. I hated to admit it but this was part of me. A neediness I never knew I had. It was something he accepted and encouraged, drawing it out of me.

“I told myself I wouldn’t go this far. But then…  you had to look at me like that. When did you become so cruel?” Kei was standing in the moonlight whilst I was covered in shadow. The way the shadows danced over his perfect face made his pained expression look so very lonely. His eyes were wavering as they looked at me. That devilish smirk on his face was unmoving as he took in every inch of me.

“I wasn’t—mmm!” My protest was cut short by his remarkably fast movement. I barely had enough time to catch my breath before his lips crashed repeatedly into mine stealing it away leaving me light-headed and almost limp in his arms that held me caged in the dark.

“You forgot your lesson again. You looked so lost and alone… standing there…” He continued to speak in a pitifully pained voice as he peppered me with kisses. His arms holding me up as his hands ran over the confines of my dress.

“You were watching me?” I could hardly speak above a breathless whisper. My mind was telling me to keep it together but the way he was robbing me of oxygen and the way his hands were running over me had my heart hammering so loudly in my head I couldn’t focus on anything but him and how he looked so hurt.

“Only since the second you arrived. I only ever see you and yet you teased me by following THEM.” The way he spat out the final pronoun had me remembering the disdain he had for Boss. He was clearly feeling a lot of emotions right now and knowing Kei couldn’t pin down one strong sensation above another.

“I’m on a mission Kei you know that.” I raised my hand to his cheek trying to get his eyes to focus on me and not the memories he had that was causing him so much pain.

“Yes, I do but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. You know that even if you wanted to leave me, I would never let you go.” He stopped his movements with his hands. There was a fire in his eyes that could have melted the polar ice caps. The shawl slipped from my shoulders exposing my flushed skin to the night air. I would have shivered had it not been immediately chased away with his burning hot lips as they glided over my collar bones.  

Soft cashmere wrapped around my free arm from behind, locking it to my side as his grip around me tightened. Grabbing my raised hand by its wrist he gave me a stinging bite to the inside of it.

A crimson flower bloomed on the pale flesh and he dragged his tongue over it. Past the love bite and up the palm, wrapping it around several fingers before giving them little nibbles on their tips. All of this without once taking his eyes from mine. Those glass-like doll eyes, dark with lust.

I licked my lips before finding strength enough to pounce. I forcibly covered his lips with mine trying to suck out all his pain and confusion. A poison that had no place alongside the honeyed darkness we shared.

“Mm… Mc?” He hummed against me. I placed my unbound arm around his neck as I leant in to whisper my sweet nothings in his ear. He stiffened with the pressure of my body against his. For a second it seemed he didn’t quite know what to do with himself.

“So don’t. Take me, mark me… hold me. Make me yours--.” I tried my best to coax him into moving but he stood still as a statue. I didn’t know if he was still struggling to organise his feelings or if he was simply teasing me.

“Someone said she was on a mission.” He sounded amused even as he chastised me for my failing work ethic.

“I am.” I walked my fingers up his check finding the edge of his bow tie and pulling it loose. The sight of his perfect image becoming undone at my hand thrilled me and I found myself urged on to start popping the buttons at his collar.

“You don’t sleep with targets when you are working.” He raised a hand to stop me going further. Ever the one to prefer to remain covered even at times like this. As much as I respect that I also found it extremely unfair that I was always the one to be stripped bare while he wasn’t.

“You aren’t the target. I already took what I wanted from THEM. Now I want something from you.” I was past the point of playing, the fire building inside me was his creation and I was damned if he was going to keep me waiting any longer.

“So greedy. You know? You’re so incredibly sexy when you are honest with your desires. My girl…” He chuckled in a deep voice as he finally seemed to cave to demand.

As our body temperatures rose in the wintery climate our hands roamed over each other eagerly seeking out the next sensitive point. Before he could bind my other arm to my side, I found his jacket pocket by chance. My fingers removing what was hidden inside.

“Mhm… ngh… Kei what is that?” He pulled back enough for me to see what I had in my hand. A small sprig of greenery with white berries.

“I thought I’d twist tradition a little.” He said conspiratorially. Holding my hand in his while raising it above us so the Mistletoe was over our heads.

“Oh?”

“A berry for every time we--.” His free hand slipped through a gap he created in my dress without me realising. Plunging low, attacking me at the apex of my legs over my underwear. The pressure of the heel of his hand rubbing as his fingers stroked along the fabric covering me was blissful torture. Releasing my hand he took the opportunity to loosen his belt as he raised the hem of my dress.

“Mmm Kei…?” I bucked my hips against his hand as the cold air hit my heat. It wasn’t enough to put out the fire. He continued rubbing me over my underwear even as he kissed me, pumping his hardened desire in his other hand a few times.

“Gah, shhh… keep your voice down. Unless you want us to be caught.”

I bit my lip pleading with him using my eyes to hurry. This was so risky and so unlike us that it felt overwhelmingly good. The thrill of location and the way he was possessively pursuing me was doing a number on how hard my heart was pounding. The perfect Prince was gone.

Pulling the fabric covering me to the side he pushed into me filling me up and moved his hands to support my hips whilst I wrapped my legs around him.

“Such a naughty little spy… my bad girl.” His words bled into my ear as he brought himself closer to me removing all light between us as he plunged deeper.

In the shadows of a garden attached to a historic house in England. During a party intended to celebrate a Holy night. Here I was finishing up a mission in a less than professional manner and I couldn’t care less.

As our bodies moved together in the shadow of the topiary, our muffled cries and moans were lost to the night. This wasn’t exactly how I saw our holiday going, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

I still had to hand over the jewels tucked inside my garter but right now all I could think of was the man in front of me. My wonderfully sinful, “bad” boy. My prince, my Kei.

---

[kenbunshokus]

this is a (super late) update to this fic rec post! i was planning to just keep editing and updating that post, but it’s been so old it no longer appears on tumblr search system and all, so here we are. be ready for some old school zosans in the mix

all complete

absolute favorites will be noted with a ♡

list will be updated as i find more

story count: 30 fics

last update: jan 5th 2020

CANON-VERSE

Goings On by clarify  ♡

Zoro and Sanji understand each other, and sometimes have a very similar sense of humor. Even though they're worlds ahead of most, sometimes they can't help but to act their age.

easily one of my favorites. zoro and sanji are completely in character, being themselves and comfortable in each other’s spaces. for anyone who thinks zoro and sanji can’t get along in canon, this fic can easily prove them wrong.

Part Timer by 8ball ♡♡

Sanji really, really doesn't want to give Zoro a job at his restaurant. Zoro doesn't really even want to work there in the first place, but, well, there’s this thing with Sanji, and this thing with feelings and the whole thing is pretty damn stupid all together.

Zeff just wants grandkids. He’s too old for this bullshit anyways.

a wonderful, heart-wrenching, roller coaster ride of a post-series fic. this fic is not just a mere fic — it’s a zosan magnum opus with guest appearances by so many other characters, lots of crew hijinks and a must-read for everyone who craves for a happy ending for these good boys.

Say It Again by 8ball

Zoro tells Sanji how he feels. And then again. And again. 

since we’re talking about 8ball i just want you to know i’d rec everything they’ve ever written, but special mention to say it again — a classic miscommunication trope fic done well where the miscommunication stems from fundamental misunderstanding of each other’s principles and views instead of just some plot-convenient coincidences. and soft zoro. god, he is soft.

The Wedding Night by cuethe-pulse (lj)

Zoro had never expected any of this.

major character death warning. don’t let the first few scenes fool you. note the warning; the last few lines were like a punch in the gut for me, except, you know, the good kind of punch. also, a quick rec of a drabble by the same author to soothe the pain after this one.

Roronoa Zoro: World’s Greatest Bug Killer by insaneidiot ♡

Sometimes, Zoro's life really sucks. He should've known better than to make fun of Sanji's bug phobia, though...

zoro’s internal monologue is hilarious  — until today, this author is still my go-to expert on zoro’s voice, especially his more sarcastic side.

Quitting’s Easy by insaneidiot

Sanji decides to quit smoking. This is not quite so easy as he thinks it will be. Also, his crewmates (excluding Robin and Nami, of course!) are assholes.

fun, fun strawhat hijinks and oblivious sanji. the crew dynamics and especially sanji’s voice are pitch perfect. there’s a hint of luffy/nami that you can easily scroll past if it’s not your thing.

I can’t stop thinking that i can’t stop thinking by hieiandshino ♡

In which Brook changes tactics and Zoro is not amused. Everyone else is, though.

holy shit is this fic hilarious. i love comedy fics that manage to slip in thoughtful observations and character study in between the hijinks, and this fic pulls that off with flying colors. 

The Walls See All by threesipsmore

Reiju hides a snail cam in her brother's room.

fun short fic from reiju’s pov. there’s never enough zosan set in whole cake island arc and this fic delivers.

Stormbird by Judin ♡

The Straw Hats' first landing in the New World is on Arashi Island, where it looks like they'll be spending a fun week attending the local festival and making new friends. Until they spot a strange pirate ship in the harbour, and Sanji starts behaving oddly. The Straw Hats become entangled with the mysterious Gently Pirates, a crew that harbour many secrets, and whose captain is a man out of Sanji's past who has the power to tear the Straw Hat crew apart. 

it cannot be overstated how wonderful this fic is, and how it could’ve fit into the canon just nicely, like a better-written one piece movie, except with zosan. not only are sanji and zoro in character, every strawhat gets a spotlight and has pitch-perfect voices. brook is especially lovely in this fic.

Unintended Consequence by itsmylifekay

A group of marines charge, Zoro slices through them, and in that instant Sanji feels his own eyes grow wide. Because there, on the arm now outstretched towards him, steel glinting in hand, is the stupid bracelet he’d given Zoro. The bastard is actually wearing it.

there’s a reason this is the most kudo-ed zosan fic on ao3 right now — it’s so soft without being ooc, and there’s a quiet undercurrent of affection laid throughout the fic that will warm you up from the insides.

Somewhere Between Sorrow and Bliss by srididdledeedee

Sanji has never cared for winter.

He can see himself, is the thing. There are bits and pieces that poke through, but it’s not all him. It’s like staring in a fractured mirror. He knows, intellectually, that the person staring back at him is himself, but his face is splintered and his shape is distorted and his body is wrong.

a fantastic character study on trans!sanji and how he comes to terms with his identity with the help of his crewmates. supportive strawhats are always a lovely addition to a zosan fic

Give In To Love by libbylune

Zoro knows better than to think about it too much, but between the rowdy festivals and ancient unexplained temples on this island, it's hard to forget about wanting Sanji.

i love how this fic puts as much focus on the boys after the confession as it does before the confession. a good case fic with its own unique island adventure and i’m always a sucker for soft!zoro

Laundry by libbylune

Dealing with Sanji makes Zoro develop a lot of opinions about clothes.

there’s absolutely nothing hotter than bi!sanji who’s completely comfortable with his gender identity and sexuality. also gay disaster zoro fumbling his words whenever sanji is around is 1) accurate 2) hilarious.

Language of Swords by HaveMyWeedCookies ♡

It took them for a while but finally, Zoro asked if Sanji wanted to hold his sword.

i love fics that explore zoro’s relationship with his craft and his swords, and adding zosan into the mix is something i didn’t know i needed. an interesting outsiders pov zosan in the pov of zoro’s swords.

Ghost of a Chance by sabershadowkat

“I know, for sure, that I didn’t expect to miss everyone so much, including you.” Sanji cut a glance at Zoro and rephrased correctly, “Especially you.”

this fic handles tropes that are usually associated with character death fics, but manages to end it with a happy ending. zoro’s devotion here is heart-wrenching.

Idiot Romance by sabershadowkat

"This has to be a joke," Sanji muttered, poking at the colored petals. Zoro couldn't have just given him flowers.

a classic  — this is literally the first zosan fic i’ve ever read — and a lovely one at that. sanji is oblivious and zoro attempts romance, not that zoro ever needed to.

festival night by thisislegit

“ANOTHER FEAT BY THE WORLD’S STRONGEST MAN, JORIRI.” The woman turned to Mr. Mohawk and with faux sympathy said, “Oh! Sorry, sir. Maybe next time. We can’t always beat the best, but we can do our best and that’s what matters. Do we have any other takers? ANY OTHER TAKERS READY FOR THE STRONG MAN CHALLENGE? HOW ABOUT YOU SIR? MADAM? YOU OVER THERE? ARE YOU INTERESTED?”

“What kind of shit name is Joriri,” said Zoro and Sanji in unison.

i’m an absolute sucker for fics that have zoro and sanji simply hanging out and enjoying each other’s company, comfortable in a way they couldn’t with their other crewmates, and this fic exemplifies that. just them being little shits and having fun with one another.

No Victory in Hesitation & the Past Has Its Lessons by EudaimonErisornae & vageege

Zoro has a lot of things he wants to say to Sanji, but he just needs one more day. || Zoro tries to fix a mistake he made in the past.

major character death warning. i died a little bit inside after reading this tbh. there are some devil fruits-explained time travel hijinks, but mostly it’s this looming, grim inevitability of death that’s written so pervasively throughout the fic that really got me.

Imperatives by dollcewrites

Zoro is confident in saying that Sanji is a man who doesn’t do what he’s told. Which is why, when a command accidentally slips from Zoro’s lips during foreplay, he is expecting to hear the cook’s scoff as he continues to do what he pleases.

i don’t tend to do pwp, but this isn’t just one — it’s a completely in-character piece about their relationship and dynamics.

when you say by bluewalk ♡

It's a long time in coming. Usopp can promise, but.

this fic is as much sanuso as it is zosan, and usopp here is — still very much usopp, but also a very beautiful take on his character as someone who spent a lot of time behind sanji’s back, and realizes that when he watches sanji’s back, he gets to see zoro’s, too.

a complete guide to falling in love by ThousandSunny

Sanji was trained in the Bridal Arts; this does not go unnoticed by the rest of his crew.

while the main ship is still zosan, the fic also focuses a lot on zoro and sanji’s relationship with the rest of the crew, and it’s one of those fics that really makes you realize how much of a family the strawhats is. a lovely read all around.

destructivity is a poison that run through our veins by wasteofmind

Zoro thinks that, someday, they are going to kill each other.

a dysfunctional take of their relationship. it’s fascinating in the same way a car crash is fascinating  — there’s an undercurrent of something violent, something visceral. this is one of the fics that inspired me to write migratory animals.

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

Ocean’s Child by 8ball  ♡

Here's the truth: Zoro couldn't swim. He fell in the water and sank like a stone because there had never been anyone to teach him how to move his arms. He forgot that if he screamed for help the water would get in his mouth, and he even opening his eyes hurt.

Here’s the other truth, the one that stays a secret: a mermaid saved him.

a fascinating retelling of the one piece canon with mermaid!sanji. it feels a lot like a love letter to the seas, and it’s mesmerizing how sanji’s mermaid backstory is seamlessly weaved into the one piece canon.

with you by Cirro

How to find your life partner in three easy steps: 1. Punch them in the face 2. Insult their cognitive abilities 3. Embarrass them so much they agree to marry you

a wholesome two-part modern au series. my personal favorite is the second part, where sanji brings zoro home to meet zeff — complete with the two of them teasing sanji in their own ways.

The Proper Reaction (or What To Do When Your Son Brings His Boyfriend Home by three_days_late

Holidays at the Baratie were always hectic, but it's nothing Zeff can't handle. Sanji's new boyfriend, on the other hand...

on the topic of meet-the-family: the only thing more fun than zoro meeting zeff is zoro meeting zeff and the entirety of baratie staff. also includes one of my favorite line about bi!sanji: “sanji loves nice girls and bad boys”.

Exclusive by cuethe-pulse

Zoro loves Sanji, Sanji loves Zoro. Zoro wants to be exclusive, so Sanji should, too. Right?

this is a circus/bakery au. yes, you read that right, and yes, it works. i went into this fic with a lot of doubts and came out very satisfied with how fleshed out everyone in this au is, and i’m forever in awe with how the author can set up an entirely separate, vivid universe with so few words.

Delivery by styx_in_the_mud

Sanji is stuck delivering pizzas when Patty is out of commission for a while. Zoro likes to order pizza after training. Both of them are sort of idiots, but Zoro can be smooth as fuck if he puts his mind to it.

a fun, in-character au with good ol’ banter and cute get-together.

The End of It All by xpiester333xx

Humans have been forced underground due to the effects of a chemical weapon that has made surface life impossible. Sanji lives in one of these underground colonies and though he dreams of bigger things his life has been mundane; spent following strict rules and obeying higher commands. Or it was, until a stranger shows up and changes everything.

the author labelled it as sci-fi au, but I personally think it’s more dystopian-like? either way, while this fic is on the long side, it manages to keep everyone in character until the very end, which is something that can’t be said for a lot of fics.

well, there we go! feel free to drop me an ask if you want to rec me fics or ask for a more specific/themed rec list; i’ll also update this post regularly !!

i also have an ao3 donutsandcoffee if you want to see my take on these dorks o/

[whirlybirdwhat]

I read your story Tapetum Lucidum and I got shook from it!! like damn I wish it was true! tell more about any headcanon you got?? also hello nice to meet you

hello, nice to meet you too! Im glad you liked it!!! So for headcanons I have these ones right here, that I posted earlier, but because I am always ready to scream about creepy devil fruit users!!!! here’s some more

With Tapetum Ludcidum, chopper’s bounty is a bit higher initially - 500 instead of 50. Why? 

This image looks at you and beats you up with its hooves thats why this is fcking terrifying.

Actually no that should be canon Choppers a deer in canon @ Oda why did you not take this opportunity.

- Garp comes back from Marine business post Shanks visit and finds his grandson can stretch and can have glow in the dark eyes. He can’t decide what he feels but if Luffy turns around one more time with those god damn eyes Garp is going to scream.

- Buggy  doesn’t know about it at first - as far as I know, he is the only one aboard Roger’s crew that has a devil fruit - so picture this: You are Shanks, and you are going to shake your fellow apprentice up from a nap. Its dim in the cabin, and when he wakes up the light flashes in his eyes. You are now vaguely sure that your cabinmate is a demon and start screaming. Chaos ensues. Years later, some kid accidentally eats a devil fruit under your watch, and later that night a bar maid is screaming into a pillow in order not to wake the kid she believes is demonically possessed before her. You are shanks and you are very sure you might have signed your death warrant.

- Tho!! Going off of this, the lore behind the name “Devil Fruit” might stem from tapetum lucidum rather than the current  explanation. Thats pretty cool.

I mentioned this before but Brook does have the eyes except they just look like flashing orbs and its 100% more terrifying

Boa Hancock and her sisters have a lot of potential with the Tapetum Lucidum 

The whole gorgon myth is upped to 11 with the eyes 

“The Sisters became blessed with the Gorgon’s power!

“Did you see how their eyes shined in the dark?

“Perhaps the one on their back shines ever more brightly- the sisters are so wonderful for keeping it hidden!”

And throw luffy into the mix who has it

“Perhaps he has been cursed by the gorgons as well?”

“That must be why The Empress allows him to be here!”

And off Kuja Island it can grow to - “the empress’s eyes flash when she is displeased with you!” 

Of course, its a myth as like, actual science behind tapetum lucidum doesn’t work like that but - rumors are cool.

Kuja corrected to Kuma when I typed this so anyway - Kuma’s eyes don’t do the thing after his … agreement with the WG.

All of Perona’s ghosts have it!! Super cool! Super Terrifying!

Wanted posters are a pain, because depending on the pirate they will either 1) want the scary eyes to show how fearsome the pirate is and warn marines do not go fcking near this person you will absolutely PERISH or 2) want the non scary eyes so that there is less fear among the public - no, this pirates normal, the marines can handle it!

However, thats more common in the Grand Line where Devil Fruits are more common. 

Therefore - the East Blue doesn’t have that technology yet, or have the need for it, since it is the “weakest sea” and devil fruits aren’t common. So Luffy’s wanted poster, with his eyes open and with the smile, has the eyes and every marine privately goes wtf.

When coby first talked with Luffy down in the storage of that cruise ship, Luffy turned around and with the dim light his eyes flashed and BAM Coby is scared for life rip its okay, we all know you still love him.

Crocodile with this… In impel down Luffy looks to the right and sees two orbs emerging from the dark… he doesn’t give a shit but all the non-df users down there? Terrified.

OH! MR 2 !!! BON CLAY!!! You can tell its him because his eyes still flash when he has a different face on - very convienent.

Doffy whips off his glasses for one second but the only thing any one can see is the shine off of them and its more menacing than the glasses.

The eye -flash test in universe could actually be a very good way to see if someone’s a devil fruit user or not actually. Huh. World building!

When Luffy does the pull on his hat and obscures his eyes, but then you see the edges of one… but shiny… heck yeah…

KAIDOU

GIANT DRAGON WITH SHINY EYES!!!! TERRIFYING!!!!

Also to think about: hordy fighting Luffy under the seas but his eyes flash. Cool. 

Im gonna end this here, because this is getting long and it won’t let me format posts well on asks so!! Hope you enjoy!!

For everyone else, here is the original tapetum lucidum Drabble ft. eldritch prankster Robin and Zoro going wtf at his new captain!

[darthchic]

Character War: Zoro vs Sanji

Trying to put my own bias aside, and because I’m bored here in quarantine, I was thinking about how I could fairly break down parts of Zoro and Sanji’s characters and compare them. I want to see if I can analytically decide which character is more well realised or well written (just because there’s always that rivalry between both the characters and the fans, you often can’t help but ask yourself these kinds of questions).

EDIT: OH, and SPOILERS if you wish to read this and are not up to date

If the question was “Who’s the more popular character?” though, Zoro wins hands down, no contest.

 So, I broke the two characters down into categories:

–    Design

–    Fighting Style

–    Fights/Achievements

–    Coolness

–    Backstory

–    Gag

–    Development

 Design: Neither Zoro or Sanji have designs that particularly stand out to me, not within their own universe or in anime in general. Seriously, think of some crazy-ass looking characters you've seen in other anime and Zoro and Sanji simply pale in comparison. Heck, they pale in comparison to some of their fellow crewmates (Usopp, Chopper, Franky, Brook etc.) and over time their designs have probably been... how to put this... made more attractive as time goes on? Cause you know, you gotta let the female fans have some eye candy too. And with attractiveness tends to come more “normalness” (not a word but whatever) cause you can't go too crazy with the overall design in case it becomes off-putting. The only thing that really stands out for Zoro and Sanji respectively is hair colour and eyebrows.

–    Still if I had to declare one of them the winner... I'd have to say Sanji, just for his more 'unique' eyebrows. We've seen plenty of anime/manga featuring characters with hair colours that match every colour in the rainbow, so it's commonplace for someone to have green or pink hair and no-one really bats an eye. Peculiar eyebrows however are less common, although not rare (as far as I can tell), but for anime fans, it's something I think people still instantly notice more so than a character's hair colour. So.... point to SANJI! But barely, and it’s not much of a win.

 Sanji 1/0 Zoro

 Fighting Style: Again, neither a sword fighting style or kicking fight style is exactly uncommon, but I am edging towards Sanji's fighting style and I'll try to justify why, even if it is due to my own personal preferences. To me, sword fighting is often the go-to 'bad-ass' method of fighting, cause, come on, SWORDS ARE COOL (can't help but think about the overwhelming popularity of Pokemon Sword vs Pokemon Shield for example). Sword fights/fighters are iconic and that’s the issue at times for me because I feel like I've seen enough sword fights at this point, and not just in anime. So, while they're fun, their overexposure makes me appreciate something different a lot more.

–    To me, Sanji's style has a bit more 'kick' to it (oh yes!) and his reasons for using a kicking style are a bit more unique and interesting as well (being that he’s a cook and can’t damage his hands, the tools to his craft). His style is fun to watch, requires a bit more imagination when designing his moves, but it also has a strange kind of elegance to it which I appreciate. Not that sword fighting can't look elegant (Hello, ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’), but I love that people often joke that some shots of Sanji make it look like he could be a dancer which I find amusing, because it’s true. Plus, I admire the fact that he's the only Straw-hat that fights without either a magic power/devil fruit or a literal weapon (though he has now grown accustomed to the raid suit, so…). But, for the majority of the story so far, the dude has just used his legs and that’s it. And is the 3rd (or fourth if you count Jinbei now) most powerful member of the crew, and still impressively strong overall amongst a massive cast of crazy powerful characters. Also, dude can fly. Actually fly. He can fight in the skies, sing “Walking in the Air” and it would not seem completely ridiculous. So, people reading this may not agree, but, point to SANJI!

Sanji 2/0 Zoro

 Fights/Achievements: I feel that most fans prefer Zoro's fights as he tends to take on the second strongest villains of each arc (with Luffy obviously taking on the strongest), which is automatic epicness. I know some fans even argue that Zoro would have no problems taking on the strongest villains in Luffy's place anyway, though I would disagree simply due to the fact that if Luffy were weaker/equal in strength to Zoro then why would he even be captain? The guy who's gonna be the Pirate King can hardly be weaker than one of his own crewmates, it ain't right!

–    Anyway, Zoro's battles tend to be straight-up badass one-on-one feats of strength, while Sanji's can be a mix of badass and sometimes plain goofy (thinking of Sanji vs Mr. 2 here or Sanji vs Wanze). And I do think Oda makes it clear that Zoro is the more powerful of the two, making his wins a lot more impressive, awe-inspiring, and show how physically far he’ll go in order to succeed (man should really have no blood left in his body). For me personally though, I often found many of Zoro’s fights a bit dull, like his fight with Mr. 1 for e.g. (ha, ironic), and when I watch his big battle with Kaku, while I like Kaku as a character, I had a hard time taking the image of Zoro fighting a sword-wielding Giraffe seriously. Sanji fighting a wolf with a moustache often looks goofy as well, but at least wolves come across as a bit more threatening (unless you have been on a scary Safari tour o__O…).

–    Alas, I would give Zoro the point for fights simply because I know how much the fandom appreciates them and the effort he puts in, BUT.... as for achievements... Maybe I'm being sneaky with this, but for me, while Sanji's fights maybe aren't considered as iconic as Zoro's, his actions towards helping the crew solidified Sanji's usefulness to the crew as not only a fighter but a tactician, and without him at a certain point, there wouldn't be any epic Zoro fights to appreciate. Sanji's rescue of the crew in Alabasta was pretty damn awesome, the fact they wouldn't have even reached Alabasta in the first place if Sanji hadn't gotten a hold of the Alabasta eternal log pose is hilarious, his saving of Usopp and Nami in Skypeia, his enabling of the Merry to escape without being blown to smithereens in the Enies Lobby arc, it's all just undeniably awesome. And to me, just as equally iconic and important as Zoro's fights, sooooo... I'm calling it a TIE!

 Sanji 3/1 Zoro

 Coolness: HAHA! Ok, come on, I love Sanji, but Oda's portrayal of him can get a bit ridiculous at times and sometimes rob him of his dignity, whereas with Zoro, Oda really doesn't humiliate him that much. He's usually always cool and epic and never seems to leave a negative impression in the eyes of fans. So, no question about it, point to ZORO!

 Sanji 3/2 Zoro

 Backstory: Ok, maybe it's just me, but I don't think many are gonna argue that Sanji has the better backstory? There's just more of it, it's better fleshed out, it establishes his character relationships and motives far better, it's just... better? Zoro's backstory perhaps is still to be further developed, but as it stands...

–    Zoro = Wants to become the greatest swordsman because of a promise he made to his dead rival/childhood friend. Nice, but doesn’t feel very original or special. Where did he come from before all that? Where/who is Zoro's family? Why did he want to be a swordsman in the first place? Cause it's cool? It just leaves me feeling annoyed because there’s these gaps and things left unanswered within his story and I can't tell if Oda's even going to give us any answers! But with a possibility that Zoro is from Wano, maybe something is eventually going to be explained? Still, I feel like Oda needs to be careful he doesn't make a repetitive tragic backstory, cause I worry that at some point he's going to run out of ideas on how to make each new backstory more uniquely depressing than the last, to the point where it's gonna be a 'been there, done that' kind of deal. Or maybe he’ll actually reveal that Zoro has a DUN-DUN-DUN living mother. I mean, that’s rarely done in this series, so that would be pretty shocking.

–    Sanji = Born as a quadruplet (still so weird to me) to a royal family, kind mother but douche-bag father. Mother dies saving Sanji's humanity because said douche-bag father violated mother and children by tampering with them before birth in order to make his children into sociopathic weapons. Sanji grew up emotionally and physically abused by father and brothers because he had kindness and compassion, and the abuse got so bad that he was even locked in a jail cell with an iron mask on his face because his father was ashamed of his existence. Mother, of course, dies, leaving Sanji with only an older sister to turn to, who could only be nice to him in secret and laugh at him in public. He decided to become a chef during imprisonment due to his mother giving him the only praise he had ever received and he enjoyed making her happy. Finally escapes douche-bag family thanks to decent sister freeing him, but only after promising to never admit he was related to his douche-bag father, further destroying him emotionally. Next, the ship he worked on was destroyed in a tidal wave, killing all his friends at the time, and left him alone on a rock with little food and a pirate who recently kicked the crap out of him. Went months without food only to find out that the pirate he hated had given him all the food, forcing him to cannibalize himself to survive. And all this happened before he was just 10 years old. So, from then on Sanji grew up with a fixed dedication/appreciation for food, but a clearly messed up self-image due to years of abuse and being told he was a failure by his biological father. Not to mention the man who saved his life, while a good man at heart, kinda has a messed up moral compass of his own, and kinda f**ked up Sanji's head in his own way (seriously, Sanji can't bring himself to hit a woman to save his own life cause he can't bear disappointing/disobeying Zeff, the man who actually loved him like a son? Jeez).

–    For real, Sanji's story is a doozy, and Zoro's just doesn't compare (at least not at the moment). Sorry, but clear point goes to SANJI!

 Sanji 4/2 Zoro

 Gag: Possibly debatable again, but I honestly do prefer (and the fandom majority seem to prefer) Zoro's whole getting lost gag to Sanji being a looney tunes pervert (some of the faces Oda draws, I swear!) I don't mind anime perverts so long as they have some substance to their character, but Oda places ‘Pervert Sanji’ in some situations where you're left screaming, “NOW'S NOT THE TIME DAMMIT!” Some moments can be thrown off kilter by the perverseness and/or fanservice to the point where you're just left face-palming. Arguably, the same can be said for Zoro, especially with his wandering off and getting lost in Wano right before Luffy faced off against Kaido (not that Zoro could do much about that anyway if he hadn't gotten lost), but just how easily he gets lost is so ridiculous that it veers right around from being annoying and returns straight back to being hilarious because of how mind-boggling it is. xD So, point to ZZZZZORO!

 Sanji 4/3 Zoro

  Development: Once again, another debatable one. Too debatable! There's no way around it; some may say Sanji's ‘self-rediscovery’ arc in Whole Cake Island made him the better developed character (or didn’t develop him at all) and some will say that Zoro's “Nothing happened” moment is the pinnacle of character development in One Piece, and to me, too much of it comes down to preference and I find it hard to justify why one is potentially better developed than the other. Especially when there could still be further development for them to come. So.... yeah, another TIE!

 Sanji 5/4 Zoro

So, there it is, I killed some great time in quarantine with this(!) Maybe there’s more ‘categories’ I could have added, but with what I came up with, I really did try not to be bias here. I do think it’s important to have a character that can hit ‘all the beats’, deliver in terms of action scenes, comedy and the emotional hard-hitting moments too. I can’t help but appreciate the male characters who are more in touch with their emotions and show vulnerability, which is what I appreciate with Sanji, and why I probably don’t connect with Zoro as much as I’d like to?

Going through all of this however has made me think that I'm actually fairer than I thought I was. No? Yes? Close call anyway.

[crapitskizaru]

Side Effects May Include: Devil Fruits Edition

🦖 Could I request some HCs on how devil fruits would affect the user’s sex lives? :o this is so vague but it’s so interesting to consider that I wanted to hear your opinions, haha

Warning: in-depth analysis of all the naturalistic filth that comes along in the topic of a human body and sexual encounters + freakishly long-ass post that includes most of the currently known devil fruits 

Logia Types

Hie Hie no Mi (Kuzan) 

❄️ since he’s such a chilly guy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), he’d certainly use his abilities to cool down the temperature of his body during any sexual encounter - Kuzan doesn’t really like all the heat and sweat that is produced during the steamy see what I did here? hilarious times in between him and his current lover 

❄️ if his partner’s vagina is sore because of reasons varying from physical injuries to hardcore love-making, he’s the perfect guy to come up with a quick solution - a chilly, smooth dildo of his own making to ease out the pain pretty much torpedoes the problem 

Goro Goro no Mi (Enel)

⚡️ this one’s a little tricky; since he can transform himself into pure electricity, he’d have to keep that in mind at all times, especially when reaching his climax - so that he wouldn’t electrocute his lover from too much excitement 

⚡️ if he’s an extreme sucker for kinkplays, he could use the tiniest bit of his powers to either stimulate his partner or punish them for disobedience of any kind, provided they’re into it as well 

⚡️ given that Enel can also use his skills to listen to the electrical sound waves in the air, he’d have an incredibly detailed perception of how his lover reacts to particular sex positions, angles of his thrusts and so on i honestly don’t know what to do with this information 

Gasu Gasu no Mi (Caesar)

☁️ sex in the air?????

Magu Magu no Mi (Sakazuki)

🐶 this shit only serves him an inability to get too caught up in the moment, unless he wants this particular person to get burned alive during sex 

🐶 so besides the obvious flaws, the only advantage I can think of is being able to serve as a human heater to his partner during particularly cold nights if only he would ever actually cuddle someone

Mera Mera no Mi (Acey & Saboo)

🔥 just as with Akainu, these bois will instantly heat up even their coldest partners - a lot of warmth and a lot of sweat-producing usually accompanies them during love-making sessions 

🔥 might include the annoying issue of holes being burned right through their clothing whenever they get too fiery with the act - as well as the possibility of unintentionally starting a fire in the room 

Moku Moku no Mi (Smoker)

🚬 I can easily imagine him using the ability of producing as much smoke as he fancies to blind his lover for maximized kinky submission experience 

🚬 also, using the great speed with which all the smoke allows him to move in order to intensify the frequency of his thrusts - could it get any better?

Numa Numa no Mi (Caribou) 

🛸 used for stabilizing his partner’s legs/waist/arms so that he can devote all of his attention towards pleasuring both of them, without having to worry about occupying his hands to hold them 

🛸 also available for kinky use - all of that bondage gear could be replaced with those muddy serpents of his just perfect 

🛸 provided he’s got a rather powerful dominance/daddy kink, Caribou could also create the bottomless swamps to trap his partner and make them beg for his cock 

Pika Pika no Mi (Borsalino) 

💥 reflecting himself into various positions to gain dominance? Heating his partner up? Providing enough room lighting? Sex at the speed of light? What?

Suna Suna no Mi (Crocodaddy) 

🐊 trapping his lover in piles of quicksand for further teasing seems like a good enough idea to me - also, since he can crumble things to dust in literal seconds, stripping his partner down is never as quick as when it comes to this man 

🐊 the ability to absorb any liquid makes cleaning up his cum from the drenched sheets a rather easy job that’s quite handy actually 

Yami Yami no Mi (Blackbeard) 

👺 the only use of this shit that I can think of is, again, blinding his partner and surrounding them with pure darkness, leaving them all hot and bothered in anticipation for his traitorous cock 

👺 could also serve as a technique of pulling a person towards himself, like he did with Ace, but that’s just too scary to me, idk 

Yuki Yuki no Mi (Monet)

💨 compressing her snow to different bondage gear, as well as cooling her partner down at particularly humid times - although I think it’d be hard for her to control the powers while being in a highly aroused state 

Paramecia Types

Ato Ato no Mi (Jora) 

🎨 courting her crushes with abstract art paintings, thank u very much 

Awa Awa no Mi (Kalifa) 

🛁 unlimited lube supplies

🛁 now that’s what I’m talking about 

🛁 I can assure you, this woman would go all out with those bubbly powers - using it to turn her various kinks into reality 

🛁 used for draining her partner’s energy to gain as much dominance over them as possible; also to clean up from all the bodily fluids that cover them after each round of sex 

🛁 could come in handy to relax her partner and bring them floods of pleasure, often to the point of overstimulation 

Baku Baku no Mi (Wapol) 

🏰 no, I can’t do this 

Bane Bane no Mi (Bell)

🛎 boing-boinging into his lover during sex??????

Bara Bara no Mi (Buggy D. Clown)

🤡 oh, this one’s good 

🤡 this fruit allows him to use more dildos and plugs with his fingers than he could count on one hand - mainly because he’s got two im so funny 

🤡 thrusting inside his partner and giving oral at the exact same time, because why not; the only requirement would be that his lover can’t get too grossed out by all of this dirty shit 

Bari Bari no Mi (Bartolomeo)

💫 being able to make love to his partner against the barriers that he creates/creating surfaces to fuck on in places that no one sane enough would ever consider as suitable ones for having sex 

Bata Bata no Mi (Galette) 

😈 imagine how much fun this woman has in bed - being able to control and restrict anyone’s movements with those buttery thingies, she doesn’t even have to try much to be the dominant one in between the sheets

😈 also, consider this: butter-flavoured lube and unlimited + unbreakable flavoured condoms 

Beri Beri no Mi (Very Good)

🍇 berry/sphere-shaped dildos??? incredible

Beta Beta no Mi (Trebol)

💧 if his partner has a vagina, he could control their discharge, as in the amount and its texture - what for, I have no idea 

💧 he’d also be able to restrict his lover’s movements, as well as come up with new positions, since he can attach himself to any surface 

💧 other use may be as a lube? although that’s pretty disgusting 

Bisu Bisu no Mi (Cracker) 

🍪 do you find yourself daydreaming about sweets when close to climaxing? Are you experiencing unexpected, overwhelming cravings during sex? Constantly hungry? Or simply bored with orgasms? Fear not! This man will supply you with floods of biscuits to munch on so that both of you will be pleasured 

🍪 moving cookie dildos??

Doru Doru no Mi (Mr.3)

🕯 various bondage constructions made with wax? 

Fuku Fuku no Mi (Kin’emon)

👙 imagine how many sets of lingerie this man would create for his partner to wear - a literal dream come true when it comes to this pervert 

Fuwa Fuwa no Mi (Shiki)

🦁 advanced sex positions in the air/rotating his lover according to the man’s whims 

Giro Giro no Mi (Violet) 

🌹 this woman would bring her lover as much pleasure as possible while also making their deepest kinks and desires come true 

🌹 she’s also able to read which positions are the most enjoyable for her partner and what they secretly think of her sex skills kinda scary if you ask me 

Gura Gura no Mi (Whitebeard) 

🌎 what may be possible when it comes to this fruit is creating the tiniest vibrations in order to stimulate different areas of a human body and bringing powerful orgasms, although that’s just too good to be true 

Hana Hana no Mi (Robin-chwan) 

🌷 giving oral and being able to grope her partner, both at the same time, seems like a pretty good use of this devil fruit 

🌷 slight possibility of sprouting as many pair of legs as she fancies and ability to take theoretically unlimited partners at the same time? 

Horu Horu no Mi (Ivankov) 

👅 starting the love-making session while having a dick and ending it with a vagina? Why not? 

👅 imagine how much Ivankov could arouse their partner by increasing their levels of dopamine/serotonin/testosterone/estrogen, according to their desires

Hoya Hoya no Mi (Charlotte Daifuku) 

🏺 gains +1 spectator, if he’s an exhibitionist ;)

Kage Kage no Mi (Gekko Moria) 

🕳 could have multiple partners, exclusively at his service?

Kilo Kilo no Mi (Miss Valentine) 

🎀 would totally be able to pin her lover to the bed, preventing them from flipping on top of her - what an easy way to gain dominance, although she’d have to be extra careful not to crush them well

Kobu Kobu no Mi (Bello Betty<3)

🌌 her partner receives almost overwhelming waves of encouragement, whether in order to praise them or to push them to keep going - this woman certainly doesn’t take sex lightly 

🌌 is able to turn even the most insecure lovers into confident sex-animals in the matter of seconds 

Kuri Kuri no Mi (Charlotte Opera) 

🍦 moisture! Lube! Food kink! Quick snack! Fluffy surface! Whatever you want!

Mane Mane no Mi (Bon Clay) 

🦄 ever wished it was your crush instead of ą random hook-up? Problem solved indefinitely~

Mato Mato no Mi (Vander Decken)

🐍 he could try aiming dildos at his partner from afar? Why did I even think of this?

Memo Memo no Mi (Charlotte Pudding) 

🎞 rewatching her and her partner’s favorite sex moments whenever she wants, almost like a portable(?), realistic porn movie

🎞 being able to erase all of the sexual encounters during which she either didn’t enjoy herself enough or performed badly and doesn’t want her lover to remember it terrifying 

Mero Mero no Mi (Hancock) 

🎇 keeps perverts at distance 

Mochi Mochi no Mi (Charlotte Katakuri) 

🍩 food kink

🍩 is able to restrain his lover’s movements so that they have to plead for his cock - good method whenever Mochi’s in a dominant mood~ 

🍩 food kink

🍩 it also allows him to create as much mochi as he desires in order to either lick it off of his partner’s body or make them lick him clean 

Nagi Nagi no Mi (Rosie)

🍰 his lover can be as loud as they want - screams, pleads, moans and groans of pleasure - nothing will be audible outside of his sphere, which comes in handy when he just wants to have a quickie and Doffy’s in the room next to them 

Netsu Netsu no Mi (Charlotte Oven) 

🌡 hot dick 

Nikyu Nikyu no Mi (Bartholomew Kuma)

🐾 useful when you never want to see your partner again 

Ope Ope no Mi (Trafalgar the Fucking Law) 

⛄️ now that’s the kinkiest shit 

⛄️ just visualize all of the fucked up poses and positions he could slice his partner into, and then multiply it by Law’s level of sadism - great 

⛄️ this man’s totally able to make his partner watch from afar as he plays and fucks their body the way he likes 

⛄️ could he slice his dick off and use it as a dildo though?

Ori Ori no Mi (Hina)

⛓ brings hardcore bondage to a completely new level (:

Pero Pero no Mi (Charlotte Perospero) 

🍭 what else if not creating lickable, candy dildos - and just like Mochi, he loves to lick his own candy from his lover’s body 

🍭 also various candy creations to restrain his lover with

Wara Wara no Mi (Basil Hawkins) 

🃏 cute little voodoo dolls to cuddle!

Ito Ito no Mi (Donquixote Doflamingo)

🍨 imagine how incredibly kinky this man can get with his powers 

🍨 holding his partner in the air with those strings? Leaving small cuts all over their body, if they agree to that, edging and marking?

🍨 also using it as bondage gear and maximalyzing his Daddy authority/dom position, since his partner can’t even wriggle so that they won’t get cut 

Bastard Bastard no Mi (Eustass Kid)

🔥 manipulating the restricting bondage gear/handcuffs/jewelry of his partner’s according to his whims and wishes 

🔥 also knife play mastered to perfection?

Zoan Types

🦖 every furry’s heaven, thank u