#okay back to cleaning stuff
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i wish i
(a) didn't forget about this and
(b) had the energy to do anything with it
#okay okay ignore the corny dialogue i just needed placeholder stuff to learn renpy#this is from like 2023........#i dont think i even drew the malorn sprites yet and def didnt go back and clean up mellori#even though i probabl meant to#wizard101
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YOU HAVE TRIED.
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#pink space#tw blood#tw injury#tw impalement#<- it's a sword [<- hit the w hard] so i supposes? i supposes jfhsjf#anyway if i need more taaags let me know lol 💫💙#//2 out of 3 of these are canon events. maybe all 3 wgho knows man Hkfsjfhf :3#/i stress abt it for No gd reasons but i did have fun w/ the blood and stuff yeaaaaay :D#one of my faaavorite things to draw idk why i don't more often lol#/got this all done last night at the cost of my sleep. and my tumach. and. likely my sanity but that one's still waiting on confirmation :3#/when will i just post a comic without cleaning and effecting it to hell god. just asking no particular reason kgfhjsfj#//anyway if i make one w/ aura - which likely i will i am very ill at the moment - okay i forgot what i was going to say BUT. uh#my girl 💫✨💫✨💥💫✨💫✨💫 close enough to w/e i just lost in my brain kfjshfjh#//anyway he CAN die be not fooled lmao ‼️ it's just he's gonna come back. Weirder jfsjhfkshfjkv#though he is like a roach watch out for that :)👍#this dude [puts him in a microwave popcorn bag and just shakes it]#//OKAY i gotta be getting ready for mass gonna maybe explode into the abyss now#probablyyyyyy kfhsjfh#//i do have ideas for the aura one man. man. Man... oh man...#well let's see if i do anything with that lol; okay Toodles ! ! ! 💥#//had to turn on my hotspot to post rn lmao‚#named my hotspot The Emanator btw for some reason people think it's really funny#don't know if that's a reference or they just think it's goofy so i'm confused But i like the name so jfjshf#Oo yeey okay internet's back let me just press this buttonnn‚#//edit: adjusted text glow :)
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awawawawawawa
#bunny rambles#i was “cleared” to go back to work yesterday but she told me i could use the rest of the time also if i wanted/needed#and im using it. but the little corporateanxietybot who lives in my head and tries to make me be a Good Worker[tm] is SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF#cause she thinks my boss/Dad is gonna scream at and hit her for being Lazy#this is a trauma post also um. didnt expect to name her rn but she's screaming and i cant scream back cause she sounds like alarms and those#scare crustywhitedog so i have to calm that one so i don't meltdown#my wife submitted the RTW date for me so like. its okay im actually taking the time and ik this is necessary also bc. it is clearly unwell#that its freaking out because it's gotten a more than a 2 day break for the first time in a year#ik corporateanxietybot has protected me in some ways but. i gotta kill her so bad. maybe H can help me reformat her somehow .....#i also hate her is the thing. she cant hear me rn bc she's just looping in circles alarming but anyway. i hate her. like Me. she's so#capitalismcorebootlicker and i hate that about her and i hate that she exists and i hate that she exists bc my dad raised me to be an#Employee instead of a person 🙃🙃🙃🙃#im not elaborating or explaining any of this. this is a diary entry now#i wish i could click her to kill her like the drones in hardcoded lmao it'd be so much easier. ik she like. lives in the work mode mask as#well which is also HARD bc if im not actively thinking Of work or At work she's nonexistent#but shes so LOUD 🙃🙃 like shut up. we're not gonna explode n die from taking an extra week off you're being dramatic our boss isnt Dad#like he LITERALLY isn't Dad. not even close. he's like the most docile man in the world come on ik they're around the same age and both hve#held authority over u but boss checking in wasnt a trap ur not ab to get caught doing wrong ur fiiiiIIIIIIINE#(also corporateanxietybot is not an adult. she's 15 and terrified but she integrated to my work mask which is the problem cause she makes me#a “phenomenal employee” and also makes me work myself sick when she is given the reigns. little devil on my shoulder except the capitalist#system we live under treats her as a positive thing so she gets positive reinforcement at work which only makes her more anxious 😭 i gotta#talk to H about this next Friday huh. also wow. parts work has made it a lot easier for me to acknowledge these behaviors so i can confront#them easier. weird. strange even. so many parts have gotten names this past month n im realizing also why its been so hard to process stuff#but it also has made me kinder to myself. anyway she turned off (her batteries are low since she's been home for a month too) so im gonna#clean myself up and get some food in me and then get some cleaning done
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indont understand the appeal of 4chan or thr dark web honestly or even liveleak when it was still up and running ooo speaking of liveleak
#when i was younger#idk how old tho. i just know i was staying in an apartment complex#uhh#okay#so like i have this friends house id go to bc my auntie and her mom were like this i think..?#anyways so yeah i constantly went to her house and one of these days while i was over there her mom was watxhing these bideos of soldiers.#okay how do i explain this without being unnecessarily violent.#well i cant#so the soldiers would be on their knees and people would be behind them and they’d shoot the gun at their head blowing their face meat#or head like clean off#and i watched those with her bc she showed us it#and bro#i was scared and still am about seeing REAL life guns like rifels and stuff bc#it grossed me out how people could do that to others and then i felt sad bc they died#but ueah i had so many nightmares about that and its been lingering im the back of my mind for yearrss#i hope i dont get a headache like earlier for remembering this NONSENSE#brooo thag headache actually had me in SHAMBLES
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I gotta say, one of my newest struggles with being a self-shipper is having to clear out all of the merch you have of your exes while cleaning
‘Cause WOW I have a lot
And lowkey it kinda hurts lmao- / lh
#It’s also making me consider calling some of them but I can’t go down that rabbit hole again NAJEMEKFK#self ship#safeship#self shipper#safeshipper#self shipping#safeshipping#tw vent#?#Idk if this really counts as one but shit#I found a keychain of Licorice while listening to a love song and I physically felt my heart break ngl#I have WAY too much Hawks stuff too which is what made me reconsider him a while back if anyone remembers that#oof…#It’s okay tho because once I’m done cleaning I’ll have more room to get merch of my current boys!#my shrine will grow…
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I made a relationship chart for Elenion! I tried to use the colors to show how his dynamics with some of the companions changed throughout the game, but then I also rambled way too much under the cut! I may have written multiple lengthy paragraphs for almost all of them lol oops. Also, tumblr somehow kept posting this damn thing out of my drafts while I was still trying to edit it even though I swear I never hit the post button, so this might not be the first time some of you are seeing it LMAO but this time I actually mean for it to post.
Astarion - Elenion is super intrigued by Astarion when they meet because he's so obviously a vampire and how many bards can say they have firsthand experience traveling with a vampire?! But as they travel together Astarion gets annoyed at Elenion for insisting on helping everyone and they get annoyed back at him for being such an asshole all the time sooo there's a lot of tension there! However Elenion does totally lean into Astarion's flirting because duh, of course he's going to flirt with a hot, charming vampire?? But they aren't willing to let him bite them, and they also pretty quickly realize his flirting isn't sincere—after which they keep sassily flirting back at him anyway to mess with him.
But, Elenion is also perceptive enough to realize eventually that somewhere deep, deep down under all of that bravado and manipulation there's a real person who's hurting and could use a friend. Even after they've stopped with the flirting (once Elenion realizes he's catching genuine feelings for Gale), Elenion and Astarion still keep snarking at each other and trading playful jabs. Their dynamic becomes a friendly rivalry where Elenion challenges Astarion, calls him out on his shit, and forces him to grow a conscience, which is just what Astarion needs. Astarion also helps encourage Elenion to live for himself instead of giving a shit about what anyone else expects of him. So yeah, they end up forming an actual close friendship and in act 3 they annoy the rest of the party to death by spending way too much time in every clothing store in the lower city.
Gale - Gale is Elenion's best friend, his partner, and the love of his life. They clicked the second Gale mentioned that he has a cat and a library and writes poetry. They also both recognize each other immediately when they meet—Elenion hears his name and realizes they've just pulled archmage Gale of Waterdeep out of a portal, and Gale recognizes them as the incredible bard he's seen perform in Waterdeep who would always slip away from the crowd before he could attempt to speak to them. And really, that scares Elenion a little because the others not knowing who he is was actually kind of a relief. But he quickly notices that Gale… doesn't treat him like a mysterious, untouchable celebrity. He treats Elenion like a friend, like someone worthy of sharing poetry, magic, academic theories, and deep secrets with. And that means everything to them… which unfortunately also scares them. Because flirting is one thing but now they're actually falling for Gale and they don't know if a serious relationship is something they want.
He figures things out before much longer, though! The two of them come to realize that they understand each other like nobody else ever has, and through their relationship they each show each other that they're good enough to be loved as they are. And they're absolutely ridiculous about it with the way they'll stay up into ungodly hours of the night just. Yapping. Talking about anything and everything, having serious debates about the most ridiculous-sounding topics and reciting sappy poems at each other while the rest of the camp is begging these nerds to shut up and go to sleep. I have a lot of post-game thoughts about them but most important is that they're married, Gale is a professor, and Elenion quit touring and converted a house he owned in Waterdeep into a museum that he now runs (and finds ways to still incorporate his love of playing music and telling stories into) and which frequently collaborates with Blackstaff Academy. Elenion also still performs in the various taverns in Waterdeep from time to time, and the patrons are about to get very tired of all their not-so-subtle song lyrics about being in love with a hot wizard.
Halsin - Elenion isn't quite sure what to expect from Halsin at first, hearing how great he is from all the people in the grove—will the party really be able to trust him, once they find him? But when they do finally meet him Elenion finds that Halsin is kind, brave, and incredibly knowledgeable. Elenion respects Halsin a lot, they just wish he would've actually joined in on the tiefling party instead of standing in the corner! But over time they come to see Halsin as a calming presence, and someone who's been through a lot and has the stories to show it. He can definitely relate to Halsin's desire to just be himself and be free from the pressures of leading the grove. And he loves seeing the wooden carvings Halsin makes!
Jaheira - Karlach when meeting Jaheira: "OH MY GOD SOLDIER THAT'S JAHEIRA, THE JAHEIRA!!"
Elenion, externally: "Ah, yes, so it is! A name I've sung more times than I can count. Truly an honor."
Elenion internally: OH MY GOD THAT'S THE JAHEIRA!! Gods I had better make sure not to say anything stupid, it'd be just like me to mess everything up and make a complete fool of myself in front of her—
Yeahhh Elenion might admire Jaheira just a little but it's no big deal! They do not blame her for being jaded and wary of the party at first. Honestly, they completely get it because they'd probably be the same way in her shoes. She does not care at all about fame and prestige, which he really appreciates. And she's a grounding presence and he puts a lot of trust in her advice, wishing she could've joined the party sooner so he'd have more time to talk to her.
Karlach - Elenion is like, very scared of fire which is a bit of a problem at first because Karlach definitely notices the way they keep trying not to flinch when she walks by… But after the two of them talk that out and he accepts that just being near her isn't going to hurt anyone, he comes to really love her. They find her brash, boisterous energy a little overwhelming sometimes, but they love how much she still loves life in spite of everything she's been through. And they love that she's so open and honest, fearless in how she cares for others, and unapologetically herself. It's refreshing to him, inspiring even, because most people aren't like that—gods know he's definitely not like that and he wishes he could be. Once Karlach is finally able to touch people again Elenion finds out that she gives great hugs. On the other hand, though, she also has a habit of affectionately slapping him on the back so hard he almost drops his lute every single time.
Elenion is utterly heartbroken over not being able to do anything to save Karlach. It makes him feel useless and frustrated. He cries for her fate more than once—how unfair it is, that someone like her could be burned up by the world when all she ever wanted to do was live in it. But ultimately she ends up going back to Avernus, and when he hears about the forge during the epilogue he offers to help her in any way he can. After Karlach comes back to Faerun she visits Gale and Elenion all the time and keeps giving Elenion weird trinkets she found that she thinks they should put in their museum.
Lae'zel - Elenion's reaction to meeting Lae'zel is essentially "holy shit a githyanki?? who wants to ally with me and not brutally murder me?? this is awesome!" but then there's not. Exactly any time to try asking her questions about her culture and language while trying to escape from the nautiloid. And when she properly joins the party she's SO arrogant and pushy and mean and SO damn annoying and he hates her so much and she seems to hate him right back, but if she says her people will cure the party of their parasites then who is he to say she's wrong? Elenion respects her, if only begrudgingly, and they take her to the creche. Where they witness firsthand the way that githyanki children are indoctrinated into a cruel, militaristic world, and they realize that that's all Lae'zel has ever known. When she's branded a traitor by Vlaakith, he worries for her. Tries to let her know that he's there if she ever wants to talk. And in turn, she eventually tells him to quit hiding his feelings behind lies like a coward and just spit it out if something is wrong. So Elenion starts coming to her if they need to clear their head. She's someone they can spar with for a distraction, or chat with about their respective cultures and upbringings, or just... quietly exist next to, journaling or working on a song while she trains.
These two seem like the weirdest pair of besties but post-game they're SO close. When Orpheus told Lae'zel to come with him all Elenion could think was that he understands she loves her people but gods, shouldn't she get to just live for herself for once? To write her own story? He doesn't want her to go. He wants to help teach her to love Faerun as much as he does. So he convinces her to stay. And when she's not busy with other duties she visits Waterdeep frequently, sometimes bringing him Githyanki slates and relics for his museum, and Elenion always drags her along to be his shopping buddy.
Shadowheart - Shadowheart frustrates Elenion immensely, not just because she's prickly and rude but also because she's so closed off. Always dodging personal questions, clearly hurting but refusing to trust anyone, and... he understands that far too well and he hates it. The fact that he worships Selûne and she's a Sharran is also an obvious issue, especially because like, when Shadowheart reveals her past to Elenion it becomes painfully clear to them that she was a Selûnite who was kidnapped and brought into a cult and they just. They don't have any idea how to deal with that, how to help her break free from it. If they even can. Early on they try to be patient with her and not push her too hard but they also can't help playfully flirting with her a little, partly to see how she reacts but also because she's hot and mysterious.
The two of them definitely become closer once she rejects Shar, and seeing her tearfully reunite with her parents after so many decades apart makes him realize he should probably work up the nerve to visit his own mother, who he hasn't seen in years after distancing himself out of guilt toward his father's death. Shadowheart gently encourages him to do so and she's one of the companions who goes with him to support him after the final battle, when he can be sure that Gortash or Orin won't hurt his mother. He and Gale visit her at her family's cottage whenever they can, they send each other frequent letters, and he delights in all of the awful puns she shares.
Wyll - These two click immediately. Elenion genuinely thinks that Wyll swooping in and shouting "provoke the blade, and suffer its sting!" before slicing through a goblin is the coolest thing ever, and also—holy shit the Blade of Frontiers?? He has so many questions. He's already looking forward to writing about traveling with the Blade if he survives all this. And the more they get to know each other, Elenion realizes that Wyll isn't just a badass hero, he's also warm and gentle, artistic and poetic, and really funny. He's a warrior with the heart of a bard. Elenion flirts with him a bit early on but their relationship ultimately stays platonic.
Elenion hides their last name from the group at first (though most of them wouldn't recognize it anyway or wouldn't even care if they did), so even though Wyll knows of Elenion and has seen him perform before, he doesn't realize who they are. And they don't recognize him as Grand Duke's son. When these secrets come out, they connect over their struggles with their fathers' grand legacies and the expectations that have been placed on them, as well as the fact that Wyll was uncomfortable with noble life and Elenion is secretly uncomfortable with fame. They kind of have a mutual admiration for one another and they hype each other up and go to each other for advice a lot. So yeah basically they're besties!! At camp they swap stories about their lives, the places they've been and the things they've learned on their travels, bond over their mutual love of good art and good wine, and treat sparring like it's stage choreography. They stay the best of friends post-game and Elenion writes multiple songs about the brave heart and kind soul of Wyll Ravengard.
#star.txt#baldur's gate 3#bg3#bg3 tav#oc: elenion silverdew#okay so. i wrote most of this stuff forever and a day ago and never posted it#so over the last few days i've been going back through and just kind of cleaning it up#but it's still so long. i think my edits accidentally made it Longer jfc#but yeah. i love all of the origin companions so so much and elenion does too#and i hope that comes through in this post if anyone reads it 💖#tbh i feel like i could've given All the origin companions the best friend label. he's really close to all of them#but ultimately i decided to reserve that for wyll and lae'zel only#(also his initial views on lae'zel do not reflect My views. i loved her from day one <333)
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I love clicking Read More on a post on a mutual’s blog, scrolling to the bottom, and being recommended a bunch of their 0 note posts from like 2013. Awesome
#also wild to me bc I was in elementary school in 2013 o_o#the internet climate of that time period feels so foreign to me#ahhh I should probably be sleeping I have to go back to my apartment tomorrow morning#boooo I want to stay in my hometown with my family and friends forwver 😭😭😭😭😭 urgehrgrj#well. okay not really lol#but going to my apartment is means I have to like. have responsibilities again 👎#I have sooo much laundry and cleaning and stuff to do there#and then THE SEMESTER STARTS. FRIGHTENINGLY SOON#okay ramble over#ellyposting
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So the previous roommates having rocks for brains has worked out in my favor as I sift through the items they didn't bother to take with them
#scoring some really nice reusable chopsticks! they're black with red tips#i have a reusable set from. my hot topic miku ramen bowl. but having more is a plus for sure#someone's little pink bento box? that's basically what it is and i like it; a very bright lantern style flashlight that flashbanged me#what seems to be a food processor and what may be a panini press once i take it off the top of the fridge to examine it#i'm not mentioning the foods i found deep in the cupboards that expired back in 2022. that's for another day#catch me googling how long pepper is good for#there's a cooler that got left behind! potentially two of them; i'm not totally sure if the second box is a cooler#also figuring if i use the dishwasher fast enough then the roaches can't get to the plates and i don't have to keep washing by hand#actually got enough stuff wiped down that i feel okay putting the silverware and pots and pans away; the shelves with the plates#and glasses are next; under the sink also has to get cleaned out and i am not looking forward to that#fascinating... you really live like this?#was doing dishes while listening to holst's planetes symphony and had a supreme bug moment as well. all is well in this world.#shai speaks
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ohhh i knew i shouldn't have screenshotted that thing hhhhhouuuhr
#just me hi#so i'm trying to find the canvas that i drew this comic on that i Screenshotted cuz i thought 'oh yea i'll just go back if i wanna post#later' and i Lost the canvas ????#i can't find the dang thing!! i have looked and looked but it's nowhere in the project folder#so that means i have to check my misc folder. which is So Much it'll take forever cuz idek what i was working on when i drew it#ik i was taking a break from a bigger thing i think but i don't remember what it was ?? aaaauuhhh#which yea i could just post the screenshot but it's blurryyyyyy and it really really bothers meeeeee hkgfjsv#and i hate sharpening unless it's very deliberately for noise </3 Man lmfshv#it's not even that big really... i could just put a layer over it cuz i left the grey canvas underneath too lmao.....#i mean..... man it's annoying me hghfjhsv#//w/e w/e w/e though. in Other news hgfsj#i finished uploading my stuff to my player!! very cool very sick :D#took me until nearly 2 a.m. but i got it >:3#/mnmn also i commented on a fic a while ago and subscribed- the author responded and then like 10 minutes later a new chapter was up#does that feel like real magic or is that just me hgbhfhs#/and what else? uhh think i'm gonna do a big hid piece again :3 he's fun putting in Places so i think i'll do that lol#i am Dreading doing backgrounds but it must be done !!! for my. health or something hgkfhs#perhaps a grocery store.. or a park.... or the palace cuz the last piece i did for that didn't look too great pfsh#yea tho... things........#//i'm gonna go clean up that screenshot :( even if it makes me feel very itchy on the inside lmao :(#been getting very itchy-on-the-inside about stuff recently. hou- is that annoying or what lol?#/but YEA okay i'm on my way hfsh :3 toodlesssss
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okay I severely misjudged spaghetti guy he’s actually just really cool
#okay so I came to this flat and he wasn’t here. greeted by a very dirty flat with shit all over the kitchen counters over cling film#I meet first my other flatmate who told me he stays in his room constantly bc of previous bad flatmates#has literally just a saucepan and some salt in the kitchen. so I’m like okay spaghetti guy potentially not great but could just be#how this guy is yknow#on Tuesday I get an email back saying he’s coming back from Norway tonight looking forward to seeing you feel free to use the kitchen sauces#rlly friendly message that I wasn’t expecting. I also didn’t know he’d been on a trip i just knew he wasn’t there bc his door was open#(to a REALLY nice room. multiple rlly nice plants (which he has little care labels for!!!) and it’s tidy and pretty#and he’s got a sheep teddy on the bed)#meanwhile I am in my own head bc I don’t wanna cook in the kitchen until I can clean it and I can’t clean it without moving his shit and#I haven’t seen him yet to talk abt it and I can’t bring myself to talk to him immediately bc I’m dying#and embarrassed as hell by how I’ve been cooking in my room with a microwave and air fryer (loud) and sneaking my shit out of the kitchen#but then yesterday I DO talk to him!! and he’s super friendly!! actually interested in having a conversation and Good at it.#and then he’s cooking and like. spaghetti burns but I’m not there for long and seems to be a mistake (he made the same thing for lunch today#and did Not burn the spaghetti) and is otherwise clearly competent bc the food smells Good and despite leaving a few things out it’s like#washed up stuff isn’t dirty and the sides are better despite still under cling film. more a case that he’s spread out than he’s messy#and now today we talked and i offered to hold onto some shit over summer bc complicated situation that boils down to he’s flying back home#and he cant take all his stuff and had to choose between chucking stuff/having literally nothing this weekend. like sleeping on the sofa etc#and then cleans the whole flat?? which I’m assuming a good chunk is his mess? but he did not need to do that. could’ve easily left#bc there are two people still living here who would’ve had to deal with it and he doesn’t know either at all#and THEN tonight we talk abt food which is fun bc we both ordered stuff. and he offers me some honeydew melon bc he’s been gorging himself#these past two days to finish it before it goes bad/he leaves which is also really sweet#and JUST NOW. I take my headphones out after finishing dinner and hear the sweetest fucking guitar#he plays the gentlest like dreamy sounding acoustic guitar I’ve heard in my life in his room (door closed by the time I leave)#this is actually just a really cool dude#now that the kitchens clear I’m gonna cook tomorrow and will probably offer him some bc otherwise he’s gonna be eating out all weekend#he has extra takeout for tomorrow night but might want smth Sunday#regardless I am just. huh??? left a bit stunned bc of the u turn my opinion of this guy has taken. bc my opinion of him was a reflection#of my discomfort moving to this weird dirty basement flat with two people I didn’t know#well. idk where to go from here. I think I’ll start by talking to him more this weekend. bc holy fucking shit.#luke.txt
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I'm tired of dreaming about my dad. I know it's part of processing, but I am just so tired.
#speculation nation#negative/#sometimes theyre nice dreams where i have him back. except i still wake up sad.#sometimes theyre dreams where im trying to prevent what i know is going to come. but without fail i wake up. and he's already dead.#and then there are dreams like the one i just woke up from. where i know he's dead and im feeling the full force of grief once again#bawling and bawling in-dream. with enough force that it wakes me up.#and of course. i wake up sad from these too.#it makes me think about that passage i wrote for ITNL. well over a year ago. before the Year Of Death even began.#where i wrote about vash dreaming of wolfwood. with a similar sort of vibe to this.#i wrote that inspired by the death of my grandma. who i was close with and greatly troubled by her death.#even that had nothing on my dad though. no loss has ever felt this severe before.#it's been 5 months and sometimes i feel okay. but then i feel the ache deep in my chest again#and i know im never going to be fully free from this pain.#i want to go back to the person i was before i lost my dad. to before i lost my uncle.#i want to go back to early may of last year. where life seemed hopeful and i was minimally touched by death.#only 2 deaths from people close to me. 3 deaths if you count my childhood cat.#now im up to 5 deaths of people who were close to me. and 7 if you count my sweet baby boys.#can you believe that? 4 deaths ive grieved in the past year (and a bit). 2 more deaths of ppl i knew but wasnt close to.#and 2 of them were so genuinely life-altering that they changed me as a person. my uncle and then my dad.#i still dont know who i am now. i feel so lost. i look out at the piles of boxes of my dad's stuff and i feel so overwhelmed.#im supposed to go through them. i havent touched them in months. i dont know how to even begin.#and so i try my best to keep up with my cleaning and my schoolwork. it's about all that i can manage
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😊
#every time every freakin time I decide to trust the secondary artist to do clean up on my layouts i am punished#i tell them every time 'my work is a guideline for you. you need to go in and fix it for your final art'#and then they send me back a file where the shading layer is the blocks and imprecise lines based on my sketch#so I have to go and clean it myself and redo a bunch of stuff#and then I just get to hear “oh wow their art is sooo good they've gotten so much better!”#staring into the camera like in the fucking office you guys know how much visual information i have to give them im drawing the entire sket#and when they go off my sketch and draw their own stuff it doesnt look right but When I say im going to ask for a revision they are like#'oh youre focusing too much on it'#HUH whAT am I NOT BEING PAID TO MAKE SURE THE ART LOOKS GOOD#i swear#okay deep breaths im fine im normal time do go shade a background i guess#wild ramblings
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pov txt's album was so good you almost majorly injured yourself listening to it
#background.#cleaning up bc yesterday was easter and we had ppl come over and there are a lot of dishes that I have to clean#I was emptying out the dishwasher to make space#I needed to put a wine glass back in it's spot but said spot is in a high place that's taller than I can reach#so I needed to grab the step ladder#I was listening to the new album and having a great time#so good in fact that I didn't notice that he step ladder was damaged (which it wasn't the day before)#and so I open it up and it's like shaky and fighting me#which should have been my FIRST CLUE bc it doesn't rlly take a lot of effort to open#and it's open and I'm like okay then and I get to the top step (which is the one that's broken)#and I have the wine glass in my hand and I'm reaching up when I feel the step under me start to bend and buckle under my weight#because it was BROKEN.#I realize that is not how step ladders work and very carefully put the glass down on the counter first bc I didn't to break if I fell#and then I placed my hands on the counter and leaned forward so I was holding most of my weight on my arms#and then very carefully stepped down until I reached the floor#my heart was pounding bc I knew anything could have happened had I not noticed in time#and when I checked one of the screws holding the ladder in place had been unscrewed and at first glance#it seemed totally normal but only after inspecting it did I notice the loose screw#my dad said he'd check it out but ugh I still have so much stuff to clean up
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Happy one year anniversary to one of the biggest mental breakdowns of my life That made me see i have to start changing my life to better myself and my relationships with others by being responsible for my mental illness upkeep and stop living for others and live for me and now im taking film and theatre classes with a job on the side and have a short movie to my credit
#cherry says#woooo its been a year .....#would i still do absolutely anything to take back what i did and not have wrecked that shit up badly#yes but it was my doing and my realization of the history of it caused me to see how bad my mental illness got#it is what it is but it did push me off the cliff to act and clean up myself#and none of it was fucking easy that mental rehab shit was so much work but it made me finally clean it all up#and start over and be responsible#and push myself out there#that fall semester was A LOT but i loved it i wanna stay in theatre its connections there#its like a rich fountain of connections#and you know what work creates more stuff to think about and thats okay#spring was more relaxing and i again accomplished a lot#that damn short movie y sabes que say what u will with Khalil but that there is a combo of networking#me finally being brave enough to make moves to somebody mixed with working on a movie#yea bitch...... worked on a movie before i got kissed or asked out but thats the lords doing#but i love where i am its always work its always getting up its always seeing what i need to do and fix#and its okay because its all good and everything rolls on like the great gatsby#we beat against the current bitch#im gonna go clock in now
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I am going to bed and it’s already the second, but…seeing as it’s not exactly a resolution it doesn’t really matter that much lol…but!
This year, I am *hoping* to actually work on an original book, *maybe* even finish a rough draft for one? Partly because I kind of have a goal of trying to finish a book (not sure if that involves publishing or not yet) by 30 (it’s getting closer than like to think about lol)
I’m not being super strict on myself because I want it to be fun, not just a chore (though some days I know it will be), but I don’t know, thought I’d make a note of it here to remind myself of it or something? Who knows, it’s late and I need to sleep 😂
#another goal is to GET BACK ON A BETTER SLEEP SCHEDULE#the last week I have been soooo bad and I’m feeling it oof#also I might open up redbubble…I have an account but I need to like…tweak it before I advertise or anything lol#and if my book stuff goes well maybe one day I’ll open up my Patreon again#though I’d have to clean it out cause….don’t want that old stuff in there 🫠#aceo rambles#okay I need to SLEEP now 😴
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sour apricots and loud floor fans. it's almost summer :D
#just me hi#i don't like sour fruits but today i will have them hfsh :>#+ turned on the fan cuz i like to be just-cool-enough and also the white noise <33#funny how the fan is like a lullaby. calming and will put you to sleep if you're not careful lol .v.#/also discovered that standing up while listening to my music lets me just start Dancing so we're doing that hbfvhs#fun stuff :D#//anywho i discovered a new way to set the nose on the face so i think i'm going to practice that today :3#and upside-down heart in the middle of the face seems to work pretty well! i tried a long triangle before but they always turned out Way to#long fghbhfsbv#the main problems i have with the face is putting the eyes too high + the nose too long. been working on that so yea!! :>>#Also i've been practicing drawing the jaw from below for a minute- i Am getting better :DD#//i <3 music ouhghguhguhogh#[boings and shimmies]#//also <3 cleaning up my email lol#sounds silly to me but it's nice :>>#//blah speaking of i have to clean my space#i haven't vacuumed in a hot minute. eeeuurghhh#cuz i have everything set up in the Most inconvenient way for a vacuum to pass through hhhghfsh#'why don't you just rearrange it?' this is the best way i can have my stuff set up to have maximum privacy so i dunno hhghfh#any other way and my desk will be facing its back towards the door; My back towards the door lol#i Could put it sideways but then you can still see what i'm doing when you walk in. not ideal !! hbfsh#oh wells. sigh. i will vacuum later at some point. hopefully today. i think it'll be today :>#//Okay gonna go do my things now#my things and stuffs. see you on the other side - ciao ciao toodles :3
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