#one of them chained and broken. the other? married and domesticated

[lotus-duckies]

th

there's two narinder here

[yandere-daydreams]

tw - physical abuse, mentions of kidnapping, themes of marking/ownership. based on this ask.

Suguru has your name tattooed just below his collarbone.

It's subtle. Black ink pressed into neat kanji, bold lettering camouflaged behind the swirls and patterns of his other designs. Yours emerges from the back of a brilliant, white and blue dragon, while Satoru's hangs below, settled into the spiraling pupil of the dragon's eye. You try not to look for it. Really, you try not to look at him at all, but he makes it difficult - always forcing your hand against his chest, always asking you to read out the only names that have or will ever matter to him. It might be a little more romantic if he didn't seem so proud, if he didn't purr out his affirmations of love with quite so much self-satisfaction. He wants evidence of his claim to you, of his right to you, and what could be more telling than carrying your name so close to his heart?

Satoru wears two wedding rings.

Technically four, if you count the engagement bands he keeps on a delicate silver chain around his neck. It's embarrassing, honestly. He'd always been the one to propose - first to Suguru, when they were fresh out of high school, then to you, on the first anniversary of your abduction. The two of you aren't actually married (no, they'd never let you stray far enough from their countryside estate for that), but Satoru likes to pretend, and Suguru likes to indulge him. He calls you by all the right terms of endearment, brings home cake and flowers every few weeks for some invented milestone, whines when he finds your rarely-worn ring stuffed under the mattress or broken into pieces on the floor. He's always wanted something domestic, something mutual. Your continued imprisonment may eliminate any hope for the latter, but he can still try to nudge you towards the former.

They've both carved their names into you.

Suguru's, first, stretching over the small of your back. The lines are jagged, the scarring ugly and only just beginning to heal around the roughest patches. He did it on impulse - as a punishment for trying to run away, as proof that you'd never really be able to get away from them. He wanted to make himself a part of you, and in a way, he did.

Satoru's had to be inflicted later on, after weeks of building jealousy and off-handed comments about how unfair it would be to leave you so lopsided. His name was handled more with more care - engraved in your shared bedroom rather than the back of Suguru's car, using a proper scalpel rather than a rusted pocket knife. Suguru held you while Satoru did the dirty work, nuzzling into your tear-streaked cheeks and promising that they were only doing this because they loved you, because they had to make sure you knew who you belonged with. That did nothing to stop the pain, of course, almost as intense as the bitter hatred you feel every time Satoru presses a line of kisses up the length of your spine or Suguru settles a hand over the ruined mess of skin and flesh that you once called your own. Satoru holds up his rings to your scars, and Suguru offers to get another line of ink, and they try to convince you that you're all on equal ground. You're not, though. Obviously, you're not.

As violently as they refuse to admit it, Satoru can take off his rings, and Suguru can cover up his tattoos. Your claims to them can be removed, or hidden, and if they ever wanted to, they could leave, separate themselves, run.

For whatever reason, you just weren't given the same choice.

[luimagines]

Hiii ! I saw that request were open so I jumped ! I hope they are still open as I saw in the rule that it was writed closed so I'm not sure. If they are closed, then sorry 😅

Could you maybe write about Twilight and Wild (separately) with their married partner during the travel with the chain ? Like they meet them in an Hyrule bc they were transported too, the chain reached to the fact they are married and any domestic kind of ideas about them traveling together! Or anything that come to you haha

Thank you very much ! I hope you're doing good! Bye bye ❤

Oh sure thing! Some Twilight and Wild domesticity, coming right up!! (Let's pretend that it's a word. XD)

Masterlist

Content under the cut!

Twilight

"What are you doing here?!" Twilight had scooped you up at once, hugging you with enough force to lift you off of your feet.

His actions, while tender were loving, were nothing compared to the sheer terror in his voice as he spoke. Twilight didn't hesitate to instantly check you over. He didn't want to see you injured. He didn't want to see so much a single scratch.

"I thought you were going to stay home!!"

"I did!" You defend yourself. "...And then the portal you mentioned appeared in the middle of the village. I offered to go find you before any one of the children would become too curious and go in first."

"Crazy, impulsive, reckless-"

"Stop calling yourself names." You poke his chest. "I didn't come unprepared. I wasn't sure if I would actually run into you or not. But I couldn't risk it with the children beginning to poke their noses around it."

"Did the portal close behind you?" Twilight run his hands over your hair, soothing down all the nonexistent frizz that you would have collected on your journey otherwise.

You nod. "It's just me."

"Ordana and her small mercies." He sighs, bringing in for a kiss.

The others whistle and cheer, getting the idea of just who you are to their resident Rancher.

You pull back with a lovestruck smile on your face. "I've missed you too."

He smiles and wraps his arms around once more, keeping his hug firm but not crushing like before. "I'm terrified that you're here, you know that right?"

"I know." You whisper. "I'm sorry. I know I promised to not give you any reason to worry."

"You did." Twilight stresses, poking the side you're sensitive on. He's trying to subtly tickle you and it is not fair. "You owe me. You broke your promise."

You squirm and smack his chest playfully. "And what would you have me do? Make dinner tonight?"

Twilight freezes a bit as he processes your words. You internally grin. You won this round. He nods and kisses your cheek. "I would love that. I've missed your food."

"It's been a while since I've cooked over a fire though." You admit. "It might not taste the same."

"I'll have anything." Twilight smirks. "I'm a good eater and you know it."

"We're still here you know!!" Four shouts from behind you both. "We can see all of this!"

Twilight gives him a playful glare and the bird for good measure.

You laugh. "Are you going to introduce me to the friends you told me about?"

"I don't know." Twilight pouts, hugging you tighter and he tucks his head against you. "I don't think I want to anymore."

"We're not that bad!"

Twilight gives them another rude gesture.

It makes all of you laugh.

"I like them already." You pat your husband on the head.

He groans. "I was afraid you'd say that."

Wild

To say that Wild was the more chaotic one of the group was frankly, a solid statement.

Not that the others are known for their stoicism and stable tendencies. It's just that Wild tends to be a freer spirit than many bargain for.

That until, you came along.

They had found in the middle of a dungeon. Which promptly made Wild lose his mind.

He fussed over as if you had broken every bone in your body. He was suddenly glued to your hip and eyeing all his brothers as if they themselves were threats to you.

In the confusion and chaos, it is revealed (through a not so quiet private conversation) that you both were married to one another, and that you had no idea how you got there. You had gone about your usual routine before slipping to the well beside your house and finding yourself here.

Once you all had exited the dungeon it was revealed that were very much not home.

Wild was suddenly more subdued. More alert. More... something the others couldn't quite put their finger on. He was sneaking off less, doing less crazy stunts, paying more attention to the plans.

It doesn't really make sense why until you were braiding his hair after a warm meal.

"You know, Link-" You say, ignoring the way eight other faces turn to look at you. You're talking to your husband right now. "I see that you want to go exploring sometimes. You can afford to spend a little time away from me. I won't wander off."

Wild snorts. "Are you trying to push me away?"

"Nonsense. You know I love being with you." Your fingers card through his hair gently. Wild has his eyes closed in bliss. "I'm just saying you can afford to still do as you please. I know that you're dying to see the world again."

"No." He says, surprising everyone. "I'm good."

"Link-"

"I'm your husband." He stresses. "I have to take care of you. This is not a burden for me. Besides, you're far prettier than some flat rock on a mountain. I'd much rather look at you."

You smack his head playfully. "What am I going to do with you? You don't need to protect my every waking moment."

"I'm surprised he's this calm with you." Warrior puts his cheek into his palm. "Half the time he's trying to blow stuff off and give us all aneurisms."

You laugh while Wild gives him a glare. "Well excuse me, I don't need to give my marriage mate any more reason to worry. Besides, the last thing I'd want is for them to join me."

You laugh harder. "He's right. I will."

"Wait- I thought he would have been the crazy one in the relationship."

"I would have thought that too." Wild sighs. "But turns out, I have to be their impulse control since they wouldn't think twice about joining me in any shenanigans."

You pretend to pout. "You never let me in on the fun."

"You could get hurt!"

"So mean."

[mallgothyamaguchi]

ive seen that all of your bookmarks are tskym and you dont have many of them (not that thats a bad thing!!!) could you give a bookmark tour and like give a reveiw of each?

ofc! tsukkiyama bookmark tour begin!

autumn by windofjune - this fic is ongoing but i'm just totally in love with the author's writing style. essentially, tsukishima and yamaguchi have had mutual feelings for a long time, but nothing was ever acted upon, so in college, they begin to drift apart from one another even when living in the same apartment. tsukishima faces an injury to his knee and yamaguchi gets dumped by his boyfriend, leading to their slow-burning reconciliation as they both recover from their emotional and physical injuries. everything is so beautifully written and i'm not-so-patiently waiting for chapter 8 hehe

Sleeping Habits by BlueColoredDreams - piece written in a series of vignettes as tsukishima and yamaguchi grow older, ending in their high school years. very sweet and very fluffy. i'm a snuggler, so any fic that involves sleeping and cuddling, i'm there.

(Not) A bad day by WhereDoesTheTimeGo - yamaguchi has a bad day, and all of his insecurities bubble up, so tsukishima comforts him. they both have their own self-doubts and insecurities unveiled, but everything's okay with a snuggle and first kiss. you will notice there is a pattern in my fic tastes, lol.

Home Is Where The Heart Is by Pepper_Moon - very short and sweet domestic fic about the two moving in together in a cottage in the countryside after marrying. artist yamaguchi and writer tsukishima. SO COTTAGECORE. the author is also currently writing a chaptered piece for day 1 of tsukkiyama week i'm very much looking forward to reading!

just ourselves by beefybuttlord - another short and sweet fic where hinata asks yamaguchi what his relationship with tsukishima really is. essentially it's a "what are we" fic. puts how i think their canon relationship is in 800 words.

hottaru-kun by palebluestings - very much plays around with the significance of names and naming conventions in japanese culture, and the different ways kanji can be read. tsukishima has started calling yamaguchi 'tadashi', but yamaguchi still calls him 'tsukki'. also, cue tsukishima being a little jealous of yamaguchi hanging out with his brother. it's a cute and thoughtful fic.

The sign on your heart said it's still reserved for me. by yamaguchiforpresident - as they get older, yamaguchi gets more and more attention from girls (and guys), and by their third year, tsukishima realizes he's in love with his best friend. lots of pining from tsukishima, and does he do anything about it? hmmm... a little bit of yamayama (at least from tsukishima's perspective), so yet again, jealous tsukishima >:)

Won't You Stay For The Ride? (The Views Will Be Nice) by xxet - self-hating tsukishima begins to have his walls broken down by yamaguchi as they grow up. tsukishima is totally whipped, and everyone knows. flips back and forth between past and present throughout. good mix of fluff and angst.

i wish to be found by TheFledglingDM - ok this one isn't in my bookmarks but i'm actually obsessed with this fic i'm shocked i didn't bookmark it. essentially a 'You've Got Mail' au, where yamaguchi is a small bookstore owner who took it over after his mother passed and tsukishima is a financial executive for a chain bookstore with aspirations to become a published author. when tsukishima helps to make the decision to put a store location near yamaguchi's bookstore, yamaguchi fears he may be put out of business. unknowingly, for a whole year prior, they've been online best friends over discord. mistaken identity, enemies to lovers, influence of and allusions to pride & prejudice, what more could you want from a fic? so skillfully written. i will never shut up about it. i finished it a month ago and i think about it every other day.

hope you enjoyed my thoughts on these fics! honestly, i haven't been reading many fics recently since life got pretty busy and then that makes me pretty tired and i've been very focused on writing my own fics...but! with all the entries for tsukkiyama week i have so much new content to read. i'm still pretty new to ao3 (it's been a little over a year since i started reading fics on there), so that kind of explains why my bookmarks list is pretty short, and also i tend to bounce between different forms of reading like manga to physical books to fanfiction. kind of just depends on what my mood is at the moment. now that i've started writing, i've really been fueling my tsukkiyama brainrot into that, lol. when it's slow at work, i'm collecting ideas in my brain for them.

bottomline: tsukkiyama will always and forever be my #1, so if there's a fic i'm reading it and if they have zero fans, i'm dead.

[yandere-fics]

Darla finding out that Darling is moving to another town to escape the bullying. c:

♡ Darling Trying To Move Away From Darla ♡

You thought you would be fine dealing with everyone's criticism constantly, it was just college, they would forgot all about this petty drama eventually and yet it only grew worse the longer your breakup with Darla had been and while you had briefly considered going back to her just to make it all stop, you realized it wouldn't really fix anything, they would still take about you behind your back and no one was truly your friend, they were Darla's friends, pretending to tolerate you for the sake of her because she 'loved' you so much, though you wouldn't really consider this love, this was control, she wanted you for her perfect pretty life and her sick idea of domestic bliss that she always talked about when you were alone together, how she just wanted you back and how incredible your life in the future could be with her as a professor and you as her wife who spent your days doing whatever you wanted while she made the real money, she would even let you finish college first if it's what you wanted though you could swear she had a small growl in her voice when she talked about you finishing college first. She wanted you to drop out, she was always telling you not to study and just relax with her and who were you to deny her wishes? You would drop out, but not to be her wife or spend time with her, you were going back to your hometown, you quit, you were entirely fed up with her but everyone on campus was one of her friends and so the moment you began to pack it was inevitable that someone would inform her, it was only a matter of time before you heard the frantic knocks on your door.

"Hey there! I heard you were moving? Why didn't you come tell me, it's a bit mean for your girlfriend to find out through gossip." You hated that naive shtick she put on, as if she wasn't entirely aware that you had broken up since shed been leaving voicemails for you every morning, night, and in between all of her classes and meals asking what she did wrong like she wasn't aware, you knew she wasn't dumb so you didn't know why she was still trying this act. You were fairly certain she had told everyone to bully you, though you had no proof, so she had no right to be shocked at your dropping out when it had been her actions that caused this.

"I'm leaving town Darla, don't act surprised, you're the one who told everyone to bully me yeah? Well you got what you wanted, I'm dropping out." She gritted her teeth, her nails digging into her palms, before titling her head in mock confusion.

"Hmm? I'm not sure what you mean, why would my friends bully my girlfriend? They were just trying to convince you to stop being so angry with is all, they just want to see us happy together again." She walked over to you, trying to take the clothes out of your hands and make you stop packing but you yanked them away from her making her fall backwards a little bit. "You can't leave town, I can't do long distance, don't you even care? This is my first relationship, it can't end like this!"

"Darla I know you aren't dumb, you and I both know you told them to harass me to try to get me to go back to you and I really hate this innocent act you're putting on." She huffed and rolled her eyes, her demeanor changing, she shut the door, locking it before turning back to you.

"Y/N, we're in love, which means you are going to stay here, hang out with me while I finish my degree and then we'll get married and all my friends will come to our wedding so we can show them just how in love we are and since we're in love, I will do everything to keep my girlfriend here with me even if it means chaining you in my sisters basement and making my other sister kill your whole family. Is that what you want?" You had heard rumors that her sister, Sophie could make people disappear but you hadn't really given it much thought until now, perhaps that's why Darla was able to rule the school, because anyone who suspected her even slightly would disappear.

"N-no, I don't want that." You barely had any freedom but it was still better than being locked in a basement at least, you would stay.

"Good! We'll let everyone know we're together again at lunch today! Come on." It was back to her fake cheery act again, though you noticed how tightly she held onto your hand as she dragged you, so much tighter than before.

[thegreymoon]

The Story of Minglan

LMFAOOOO

Show her who's the boss, Granny! She wants to fuck around with her shit sister, she can now also find out.

***

Yes, listen to your nanny, you shit-stirring evil-monger. She's not entirely stupid and sees you will lose.

You really should quit while you're ahead, live out your life in peace and enjoy your bajillion blood grandchildren from your worthless son and his endless string of concubines.

But you can't just do that because you're so greedy and bitter and would rather dig your own grave instead. Enjoy death, then!

***

LMAO, the arrogance!

Like his worthless, faithless ass deserves it. Like she had not prayed before she died not to meet him again.

If they do meet again, it will be so that she can extract all the wrongdoings in this life with his blood in the next. She will never love him again in any life.

***

And what good was his shitty love?

He sold her out, let her die in disgrace and ignominy, broken-hearted and betrayed, so that his shitty brothers could have more money to throw around and waste, and absolutely ruin other people's lives in the process. He loved her and he let her down so badly, it would be laughable if it was not so sad. And then he proceeded to take his self-loathing out on other people, including his own small child. He's disgraceful and each one of his wives deserves better in the next life, including the evil second Madam Qin.

***

Oh, she is definitely plotting her murder and thinks that now is the time, seeing as Gu Tingye is away.

And all that, for what? Her own son is beyond useless.

***

LOL, is she trying to curse herself?

If there is one thing I've learned reading Chinese web novels and watching c-dramas it's that you don't want to piss off the ghosts 😅😅 Things are, for once, not going her way and she's lost all her marbles.

***

Fantastic performance by this actress.

She's delightfully creepy and unhinged.

***

She's so, so deeply unhappy with how her life turned out.

She married at the top of the food chain but it was not enough because her husband was so worthless. Even as one of the most powerful, she was still so powerless in her own life and her agency was so limited. All she could do was scheme in the shadows. All this bitterness and bile is the result of her bitterness and discontent. Nothing she ever hoped for came to fruition.

***

OMG, the drama 🙄

She's so spoiled and ridiculous.

What do you mean Minglan and Granny Sheng won't just sit back and let her and her shitty sister ruin their lives? How uncharitable of them! Better throw a temper tantrum!

Poor Hualan, she is surrounded by imbeciles.

***

Oh, Hualan, you are talking in vain 🙄

Your mother is an imbecile and you certainly did not inherit your lovely common sense from her.

***

LMAO, could it be because you are one?

I cannot with these entitled people, demanding respect when they have done absolutely nothing to earn it.

***

Exactly, you worthless sack of shit!

Why didn't you know? Why didn't you stop it? Why didn't you stop it YEARS AGO? It's because you were too busy getting slaves and servants pregnant to care about your already living kids and the women whose lives you've already ruined. Fuck you.

***

LMAO, so useless.

There's no hurry, my dude! There are plenty of people still left in your household (and other households too) for her to murder!

***

I mean, not to be advocating for domestic violence here, but Jesus Christ, after everything she's done, this was richly deserved.

***

Listen, if she does, I will riot.

[lordofthesimps]

SFW Alphabet: Amarthiel

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Amarthiel struggles with expressing affection openly due to her guarded nature. However, she shows her affection through subtle gestures, such as lingering touches or meaningful glances. While she may not vocalize her feelings often, her actions speak volumes. Amarthiel does not like public displays of affection. Holding a high position in the military chain, showing affection toward others would affect her credibility in the eyes of her peers and superiors.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

As a best friend, Amarthiel is fiercely loyal and fiercely protective. The friendship would likely start with a mutual respect for each other's strengths and a shared understanding of the darkness that lurks within both of them. Over time, they would come to rely on each other as confidants, sharing their deepest secrets and supporting each other through thick and thin. Her best friend would probably be someone with a life story similar to her own, with whom she could share moments of uncertainty and homesickness, without being seen or heard by other Angmar champions.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Amarthiel isn't one to seek out physical affection readily, but in moments of vulnerability, she may find solace in cuddling with her partner. Her cuddles are rare but deeply intimate, conveying a sense of longing and closeness that words cannot express.

She greatly misses the hugs of her father Laerdan.

Bonus: When she sees some stray kittens in the streets of Angmar, she stops to cuddle them. Discreetly, of course.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

While Amarthiel may yearn for stability, the domestic life is foreign to her. She lacks the practical skills necessary for cooking and cleaning, preferring to focus her energy on pursuits that require cunning and strategy. However, she may be willing to learn for the sake of her partner, though her efforts may be clumsy at first.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

If Amarthiel had to break up with her partner, she would do so with a heavy heart but a steely resolve. She would approach the situation with cold logic, laying out her reasons for ending the relationship without showing any outward emotion. While she may offer a semblance of closure, she would ultimately retreat into the shadows, leaving her partner to grapple with the aftermath alone.

If she were to be broken up with, she would retaliate instantly, so as to heal her wounded pride. It is possible that after doing so, she would bitterly regret it.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Amarthiel views commitment with a mixture of fascination and trepidation. While she craves the security that comes with marriage, she fears losing her autonomy and becoming vulnerable to betrayal. She may be hesitant to take the plunge into marriage, preferring to keep her options open until she's certain of her partner's loyalty.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Amarthiel possesses a hidden gentleness that she reserves for those she holds dear. While her exterior may be cold and unyielding, she harbors a deep well of compassion for those who earn her trust. She's careful not to reveal this vulnerability too readily, but when she does, it's a rare and precious gift.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Amarthiel isn't particularly fond of hugs, finding them to be a display of vulnerability that she's uncomfortable with. However, she may offer hugs to her partner in moments of rare vulnerability, seeking comfort in their embrace. Her hugs are hesitant at first but gradually become more genuine as she allows herself to let her guard down.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

She is cautious when it comes to saying "I love you," fearing that it may make her vulnerable to rejection or betrayal. She may take her time before uttering those three words, waiting until she's certain of her partner's sincerity and commitment. When she does say it, however, she means it with every fiber of her being, despite the difficulty she may have in expressing it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Lady Amarthiel can be fiercely possessive when it comes to someone she cares about, but she's adept at masking it with an icy demeanor. Instead of overtly expressing jealousy, she'll subtly manipulate situations to ensure her desired outcome.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Her kisses are intense, filled with a mixture of passion and longing. She prefers to kiss on the lips, but she also enjoys placing tender kisses on her partner's neck, igniting their senses with each touch. As for being kissed, she delights in feeling the soft brush of lips against her skin, particularly on her neck and collarbone.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Amarthiel may not have much experience with children, but she possesses a natural grace that children find intriguing. She's patient and indulgent, though her dark aura can sometimes unsettle the young ones.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings with Amarthiel are spent in quiet contemplation. She enjoys watching the sunrise, finding solace in the stillness of dawn. She may share a moment of intimacy with her partner before the demands of the day beckon her.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights with Amarthiel are filled with whispered secrets and stolen moments of passion. She relishes the tranquility of the night, finding comfort in the darkness that shrouds her surroundings. She's a creature of the shadows, and her allure only grows stronger under the moon's gaze.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Lady Amarthiel is guarded about revealing herself, preferring to keep her secrets close to her chest. She may offer glimpses of her true self over time, but she's selective about whom she chooses to trust. She reveals bits and pieces slowly, like a puzzle waiting to be solved.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

While she may appear composed on the surface, Amarthiel possesses a fiery temper that simmers beneath. She has a low tolerance for incompetence or disobedience, and those who incur her wrath will feel the full force of her icy rage.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Amarthiel has an impeccable memory and retains every detail about her partner. She listens intently to their every word, committing even the smallest details to memory. She delights in surprising her partner with her attentiveness, proving that she's always paying attention.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Her favorite moment in a relationship is the first time her partner looked into her eyes and saw past the darkness within her, seeing her for who she truly is and accepting her without judgment.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Amarthiel is fiercely protective of those she cares about, willing to go to great lengths to ensure their safety. She's not afraid to get her hands dirty in the name of protecting her loved ones, and she expects the same level of loyalty in return.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Amarthiel puts considerable effort into every aspect of her relationship, from planning elaborate dates to showering her partner with thoughtful gifts. She believes in demonstrating her love through actions rather than words, striving to make every moment with her partner memorable.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

One of her bad habits is her tendency to manipulate others to achieve her goals, even if it means resorting to deceit or coercion. She struggles with trusting others completely, always keeping a part of herself guarded.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Lady Amarthiel takes great pride in her appearance, meticulously grooming herself to perfection. She sees her beauty as a weapon to be wielded, using it to her advantage whenever possible.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

While she may be fiercely independent, Amarthiel finds herself drawn to her partner in a way that makes her feel complete. They are the missing piece of her puzzle, the one who sees past her darkness and loves her despite it all.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Amarthiel has a hidden talent for poetry, crafting verses that reflect the depths of her emotions. She keeps her poems locked away, viewing them as a private expression of her innermost thoughts.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Amarthiel detests weakness in herself and others, seeing it as a flaw to be eradicated. She has little patience for those who wallow in self-pity or lack the strength to stand up for themselves.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Lady Amarthiel is a light sleeper, always alert to any potential threats in her surroundings. She prefers to keep a weapon within reach, unwilling to let her guard down even in the safety of her own bed.

[deputygonebye]

Akin to an animal cornered, nowhere else to escape, the memories of the barn returned to Shane. Wooden planks torn down from the old doors, the undead shot between the eyes without remorse, three rounds into the chest. Blood as brown as mud splattered across Hershel's shirt, pale blue sleeves with sage and silver suspenders. Gore that seeped deep into the land that had been tended to for generations; something inside of Shane had snapped once the Walkers were made known. A horde nestled safely inside the four gray walls - sated on the meat of broken-necked chickens - like the cattle that used to live there. Surrounded by piles of golden hay, the banner of protection that Hershel and Otis offered. Sheltered from reality and veiled from the truth; ignorance married in an effort to heal the sick.

Delusion that would be fractured, timbered panels snatched, shattered locks and crushed chains under boots. Patience had worn thin. Been completely destroyed by the time that the Walkers limped their way toward the barn from the vast thicket, green leaves fallen all around their feet, hooked around the throat by wire and kept at a distance by long handle. Domestic pets rather than the same monsters that had attacked their friends, what had killed poor Amy and kindhearted Jim. Creatures that could be saved; preached but never heard. It was the most foolish endeavor. Nothing more than mere insanity, the ramblings of a crazed man, a veterinarian that had lost his beloved wife and son. Was too entangled with the euphoria of his own nescience, blinded the eyes of others for his own sake, it was the final straw that Shane could bear.

Already cracked from the search for Sophia, the little girl was lost. Wandered into the trees with the sunlight on her shoulder, carrying her teddy bear and desperate to find her mother. But days had passed since her face was more than a memory. More than small hours, more than just tears and the shed of someone else's blood. Daryl almost died as he continued with his search. Climbed hillsides, floated on cold waters, was poked and prodded by thorn and stick alike. Battled the demons that went unspoken; as cruel as it sounded, as harsh as the words came forth from his lips, Shane couldn't stay quiet. Sophia was gone; there was no reason to risk their lives, the group's lives, anymore. More than just one child - so many days spent on the farm and yet no place to call home - there were others to consider.

Descended onto his hunches, the curve of his calves and inner leg, Shane sat himself straight. Moved himself to be more like Beth in posture, a mirror that reflected imperfectly. Brown eyes cast onto her but their attention locked someplace else, a place so far that it felt almost dreamlike. A school with endless Geeks behind; cold skin and cloudy glance that appeared to be Sophia, colorless and void. Carol's screams ever clear in his ears - battling with the soft thump of rain overhead - the blast from Rick's pistol, the shot heard around the whole farm. A hand run across his head, the back of his scalp rubbed in nervous habit, Shane didn't feel bad for what he had done. Sorrowful for the pain he indirectly caused Carol, that was certain. Heartbroken for what had happened to Sophia, beyond what the others would understand. But there was no guilt. No sense of regret, a course of action that would haunt him until the end.

Shane had a family he needed to protect. A lover who depended upon him, an unborn child, a brother and kin that was not bound by blood but something more. Their lives would not be lost because Hershel had allowed himself to go beyond the edge of fantasy, pointless hope. He would've done it all again.

"Yeah." Shane replied, as if he were a man coming out of a fog, distracted by anything else than Beth's kiss, the shape of her body against his own.

Reaching across the way, Shane grabbed her hand lightly, captured her fingers between his own and laced them together.

"I'm doin' alright with it, baby. It's just... hard, bein' seen as the bad guy and all. Andrea says I could've 'executed it differently,' and maybe I could've, but I don't think Hershel would've understood. That guy, that stubborn son-of-a-bitch, he don't see things the way that we've seen them. The way we've been forced to live them. He ain't been out in the woods like us. He ain't been fightin' everyday like our group has, like you and I have. We lost Amy. We lost Jim. Hershel... Otis... they thought keepin' Geeks up in a barn was gonna save them. That it could somehow bring these people back... You can't bring back the dead, Beth. You just can't."

Shane sighed, a cracked and wounded sound. "I didn't mean to hurt anybody. I would never try to hurt Carol or Rick or Glenn. Nobody! But... I got a family to look after. I got people who depend on me. I need to protect what's mine. If one of the Walkers broke down those barn doors... if they hurt anybody in our group... if they got to you and hurt you... Beth, darlin', I don't know what I'd do."

Her knuckles brought to his lips in order to press kisses upon them, Shane gathered his excitement, the emotion that dared to spill. But he didn't release the hold he had over Beth, both hands encased over and around hers.

"It's over now." Shane said, the chapter of his own book closed, put on the stand to gather dust and wilt away. A statement more for himself rather than anyone else. "Carol, she'll see that this... it needed to happen. Our group's safe. Our loved ones are safe. We're lucky, and we're gonna be okay. I'd do whatever it'd take to keep the group safe, to keep you safe, Beth. I'd do anythin'... I love you! I love you so much. You remember that, alright? You remember that every second while we're apart today, every second of every day hereafter. I meant it when I said it the first time, baby, and I mean it now. I love you. I'd be nothin' without you... and... I am sorry, if anythin' I've ever done made you second guess that or think otherwise. You're everythin' to me. Absolutely everythin'."

If Beth would have predicted her future, she would never have said she would leave New York to work at the CDC. She would never imagine having to escape the facility right before Atlanta was fire-bombed. She could never imagine the dead returning to life in an ever more terrible nightmare, like nothing the Good Book predicted; these are truly the Tribulations. The other thing that she would never have believed, even if she could go back in time and tell her more innocent self, was that she would meet the man she was destined to fall in love with. But here she is, laying in their bed, watching him. Not once did Shane ever seem ashamed to have drawn her eye. He doesn't go out of his way to treat her like some dirty secret. And the others? They likely knew what was happening before she and Shane had. Sure, there's still some conversations that die out in hushed whispers when one or the other appears. Yes, she knows some of the things said behind backs and out of hearing and Shane has never lied about any of it. It isn't even a compulsory honesty, he simply doesn't want her to see him painted in shades that are unflattering. He has always wanted her to come to her own conclusions about it, just as he decided that she holds more value than someone with medical knowledge, a tool to be used to keep up the hopes and health of his family. He shifts and the weight of him settles over her. Her arms instinctively rise to wind around his neck, fingertips fanning out across the broad plains of his shoulders. She breathes him in and takes comfort as he surrounds her entirely. Hands on either side of her head, it isn't difficult to turn and to brush the insides of his wrists with her lips. Not even proper kisses but rather mere caresses, touching because she can. Because it never feels like enough, even when she's draped herself across his chest. Where she listens to his heart beating strong, steady. But it really is that smile that does her in. She sees the seeds of it when it comes on slow and close lipped all the time. But when the corners of his eyes crinkle? When he shows teeth? That's when it's real. That's rare. That's how he's looking down at her. Normally Beth hates being still. Being pinned down in place unable to move. That isn't what he's doing, not really. It's a playful illusion. A courtship display where she knows she's at his mercy, that he's got her in every sense of the word, but if she asked, if he felt the slightest bit of distress? He'd set her free and talk her down off the ledge of her anxiety. Just as she does when his sleep is interrupted by nameless dreams that leave him shivering in her arms, face buried in her neck. She chases after the kiss he washes her in after they break like waves. Craves the warmth and the softness of his mouth. The way he breathes into her and all of her rises below him to keep every ounce of contact. She blooms as he nuzzles her and smiles against his mouth. "Hand t' God, I wan' not'ing more," she confesses, helplessly and blissfully truthful. "Wha' I like…is you, Deputy Walsh." Her head tilts back to accommodate his travels. Exposes her collarbones. Presses the slight swells of her breasts into his chest. Her fingers rise to his hair where she loses them there in the coal-black strands. He spins the story of what she happened to envision in that half-wakefulness. His voice is all night and sin and gravelled whisper when he makes promises. Sweet ones, blisteringly heated ones that threaten to erase her will by the second. She doesn't doubt him. She doesn't really care what the others think. If they imagine her and Shane tangled up in each other? That's fine. One of the first casualties of their new life was a sense of modesty, of the privacy they might have had. And why should she not be able to hold her head high? Shane hadn't been married. "All due respect, I'd be willin' t' trade Herschel's peace of mind, for a few more minutes of…" a deep breath drawn inward, exhaled in an eclipsing grown "…of stayin' jus' like dis."

Beth gets a better hold of her good sense. She slides her hands down to his cheeks and pulls his face up so that she can meet him eye to eye. It's all too easy to drown in him otherwise, especially when he glides against her skin. "I…I hate when you're gone so long, but I understan' why you're doin' it. So promise me even wi' T watchin' your six dat you'll be careful. Wet isn't forgivin' an is more dangerous dan da heat. An' I don' wan anyt'ing happenin' to you." It is an truthful assessment. She rather gets on well with Theo. Likes him a lot. He's a kind and caring young man, listens more than he talks. She isn't casting aspersions on him. If anything, she'd be telling him the same thing if it were Rick or Daryl or even her own brother. She shivers her way up from underneath him until she's sitting. Her head drops down and a shadow passes across her face that has nothing to do with the weak light, the rain, with Shane himself. "I am. She doesn' seem t' wanna have me fuss about her an' if I'm bein' honest? If I were her, I don' know how I would keep goin' too. Between her bastard of a husband an' now dis? I t'ink she's tryin' t' get herself caught by dem kine." She shakes her head. "I dunno if dere's anyt'ing I..or you…or Daryl can do f' her. She is tryin' t' find her own peace an' doesn't want it right now. But yeah, I'm making sure she's gettin' antiseptic treatment, makin' sure dey ~her hands~ are wash real good. Blessedly, a lot of da cuts are really superficial." Her heart breaks a thousand times for the woman, for her daughter, for the group. "You doin' okay, wi' all of it? I know I haven' aks…figure you'd talk about it when you were ready, but I wan you to know you can tell me anyt'ing."

[lexsssu]

Fortunate (Alhaitham)

TAGS: Alhaitham/F!Reader, fluff, fatherhood, motherhood, domestic fluff, family fluff, pregnancy

If one were to ask the scholars of the prestigious Akademiya what their thoughts were about Scribe Alhaitham settling down, most would call the asker a madman for even suggesting such a thing. While he had both many admirers and enemies alike, the one thing they could all agree on is that the scribe is a man too wrapped up in his own pursuit of knowledge to even look at a woman and see her more than anything aside from a being of the fairer sex.

Not to say that he was unaware of what happens behind closed doors between two consenting adults, but rather that he simply found no deeper interest in them, unlike his other peers.

His brooding good looks are wasted on him, as evidenced by the trail of broken hearts and wistful sighs from the womenfolk he passes by on normal days when he’s not holed up in a library or the confines of his own room. Simply put, Alhaitham is a man who isn’t chained down by any of his base desires, once again setting him apart from the common man.

That is why it comes as a shock to the entire population of the Akademiya and even Sumeru City as a whole when he arrives one day from another trip outside the city. While that in itself is still within the norm, the companion he brought along with him and the state she was in had thrown everyone for a loop.

As Amurta’s jewel during your time as a student, all the while being the first female beastkin to enroll in decades, you were a relatively well-known figure then. And even after graduating, you’d still occasionally visit the city when called by your master, Sage Naphis, or if you needed to borrow some references from the library.

It was no secret that you were close friends during your schooldays, seeing as you were the only person Alhaitham willingly accompanied outside of schoolwork. Chancing upon the shining stars of Haravatat and Amurta together wasn’t a surprising sight then, and it shouldn’t be one now.

But what threw everyone for a loop was the heavy swell of your belly as you stepped into the city, hand in hand with none other than Alhaitham himself. Even the most ignorant fool could understand the situation, what with the way the scribe’s eyes frequently turned to you even when you weren’t looking at him.

It spoke volumes of how protective he was of you, especially with your delicate condition. Although his admirers were blessed with a new side of the scribe, there is no denying that there is no more room in the aloof scholar’s heart.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

“Ugh, I knew we shouldn’t have brought this up with you…”

“I thought my answer was quite engrossing—”

“...Haitham?”

The speed at which Alhaitham turned at the sound of your voice made the other three men blink in surprise at the sudden action. And before they could make any other movement, the scribe had already scooped you into his arms and sat back down on his seat with you settled on his lap.

“...’m sorry for crashing your party, guys. Atem woke me up and wouldn’t let me go back to sleep without finding his daddy first…”

Your soft bunny ears hung down in shyness as the apples of your cheeks shone as red as those grown in Mondstadt’s Dawn Winery, hands resting upon your belly bump.

Tighnari, Cyno, and Kaveh couldn’t find it within themselves to feel even a little annoyed by your sudden presence. Why would they when you were their friend before you married Alhaitham?

“Don’t waste your time on such frivolous worries, eayni. Worrying yourself ragged over pointless issues isn’t good for your health or our son’s. I have no qualms if you’d prefer to return home together right now instead.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

It never ceased to amaze Kaveh how different Alhaitham acted around you or when anything concerned you. Between the two of them, he was supposed to be the one with his head in the clouds and with an eye for romance. Yet somehow, Alhaitham beat him to the punch when it came to settling down.

While he was still finding ways to pay off his debt and rise from the pit he’d fallen into, the scribe was already nearing the birth of his firstborn. And from the looks of it, you never seemed to be lacking material things or affection from your husband.

The tender words, touches, and looks the other man gave you were almost tooth-achingly sweet.

It also doesn’t help that he may or may not have found you a very attractive woman and was considering courting you before Alhaitham swooped in.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Tighnari was the first one to realize that you had mated with the scribe, no thanks to his keen sense of smell that all beastkin share. The way Alhaitham’s scent practically enveloped your whole body was more than enough for the forest ranger to surmise the current state of your relationship.

You were his cute little junior, someone he’d vowed to guide both to your master and to himself as a fellow beastkin. Had you not chosen to mate with Alhaitham, you’d have most likely found mates in one another instead.

As friends who also shared a senior-junior relationship during your schooling, your clans would have most likely tried to broker an engagement between you two. Tighnari wouldn’t be opposed to it, not when he was already good friends with you, making you the best possible choice instead of being thrown some other random female.

He had no doubts that if neither of you harbored any feelings toward the other by then, such romantic affection would certainly be cultivated along the way.

But by Celestia’s will, that wasn’t the path your lives would take, and as a good friend and upperclassman, he can only give his sincere blessings and continue watching over you.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Before he was General Mahamatra, Cyno also started as a humble student of the Akademiya. But even during his school days, his unyielding principles and relentless pursuit of what is right above the blind quest for knowledge scared most of the other scholars.

Not you, though.

You saw not just the face he showed to the world but also the one he never thought anyone would care to see. Beneath his titles and reputation, he is still Cyno, a human who tries his best to make his friends laugh and put his subordinates at ease.

Is it any surprise why he cared for you so deeply? And even if you’d chosen to tie yourself down to Alhaitham of all people, Cyno will stand guard over you.

It’s the least he could do, after all.

Perhaps, in another life, the gods will see fit to bless him with more than just your friendship.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ��･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Unaware or perhaps even choosing to ignore the weight of the other males’ stares, the scribe devoted himself entirely to ensuring your comfort. Although, with how you settled yourself comfortably on his lap and grabbed his Genius Invocation TCG cards, he didn’t need to make any further inquiries at the moment.

Placing his chin on top of your head, he nonchalantly scanned the cards in your hands before whispering his suggestions into your ears. Throughout the rest of the night, Alhaitham obediently and happily served as your chair and cushion.

Fatherhood suited him, he thinks.

[comechaseme]

,, 𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐀𝐁𝐂𝐒 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐊𝐀𝐈 𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐇.

—

. A. Affection , { How affectionate are they? How do they show affection? }

— kai is definitely an affectionate person. he shows his affection and love by giving gifts and physical touch. he truly loves seeing your face when you receive something that you care about, or your reaction when he suddenly hugs you. i firmly believe that it won’t take kai long to be comfortable around you but he’ll be cautious until he fully trusts you.

. B. Best Friend , { What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start? }

— definitely a power duo. it is a world known fact that kai is a great friend. he might be cocky and egotistical at times, but he truly cares for those he truly loves. i believe that him and your’s friendship would have started back when you were in high school but then you fell off but met later in life and discovered and rekindled the hidden feelings from your youth.

. C. Cuddles , { Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle? }

— kai adores to cuddle, and he’s not shy to admit it to. he’s extremely clingy and he would take every opportunity that comes along to glue himself to you. kai really just wants skin-ship, he doesn’t necessarily care how the cuddles are, the comfort and feeling of another person next to him is more than enough.

. D. Domestic , { Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning? }

— as we all know, kai had to be an adult from a young age, so, he’s quiet independent. he would have to be madly in love with his partner to let them share his personal space. he only ever lived with his sister and team. it’ll be hard to be with another person, but he’s determined to make it work. kai knows how to cook, but mostly the basics. he’s great at cleaning, though. he’s easily imagined to be messy, and he can be, but when he decides to clean his mess, whatever place he cleaned would he glistening.

. E. Ending , { If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it? }

— it depends on the reasoning for the breakup. if it was from a valid reason, he’d be calm, collected and try his hardest to keep his composure and most importantly his anger. on the other hand, if it was a horrible reason where he was the one to be betrayed, he’d let his anger control him and he’d be a slightly mean. when kai was younger, he went through a lot of failed relationships where the reason for breakups where from both parties, so he decided to be the best he can be when it comes to romantic feelings as a young adult, so it would hurt like hell if he would to breakup or get get broken up with because he truly tried to be good.

. F. Fiancé , { How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married? }

— i’m a firm believer that kai hates the idea of marriage. he’s not sure why, but he would rather be a boyfriend rather than a husband, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love his partner. he simply thinks that marriage is a way of putting legal terms on someone’s relationship and he’d rather be a beloved uncle than a father, but he’s young, his mindset might change throughout the years. he would show his commitment by having matching necklaces, or by giving you a necklace with his initial on it.

“ i want to wear his initial on a chain around my neck, chain around my neck, not because he owns me, but because he really knows me, which is more than they can say.” — call it what you want - taylor swift.

. G. Gentle , { How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally }

— when it comes to physically, kai is the most gentle soul ever. he truly would go to hell and back to make sure you are comforted and happy. on the contrary, kai isn’t the best with his words. sometimes his words come out harsher than he intends or egotistical and non caring, he’s working on that, but he relies on his physical love for you to make sure you know he adores you.

. H. Hugs , { Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like? }

— kai adores hugs and he frequently asks for them. he’s the type of person that would randomly stop whatever he was doing and interrupt your duties to ask for a hug. out of all the physical love ways to show love, his favourite thing ever is to hug you. kai enjoys long, silent and comfortable hugs more than short and quick ones. kai’s hugs are comfortable, especially in winter since his element raises his body temperature. whenever his partner is cold, they tend to wrap their arms around kai and he happily accepts and enjoys the long lasting hug.

. I. I Love You , { How fast do they say the L-word? }

— kai would definitely try to wait for the right moment but end up saying it during a panicked moment. he truly didn’t mean to say it during a near-death experience, but his words slipped before his mind processed. after the fact, when everyone is safe, kai would try to bring it up, but before he can, you would instantly say "i love you too, kai." and walk away like it was nothing.

. J. Jealousy , { How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous? }

— now this is a decisive subject to decide, kai isn’t overly jealous, but he’s anxious. if he’s with someone, he truly trusts them with his life that he doesn’t worry, but he can’t help but feel jealous at times. when kai is jealous, he tends to take time to to calm himself down before simply walking towards you and saying it’s time to go, he would glare at the person as he walked away, but he will try his hardest not to cause a scene.

. K. Kisses , { What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed? }

— he loves teasing. he would go out of his way to back away the moment your lips are about to touch. whenever you try to connect your lips with his he would stop you by lightly touching your lips with his thumbs before giving in. kai is simple (sometimes), so he adores to kiss you on the lips, wether it would be a small peck or long and intimate kisses, kai enjoys everything, really. for him, he likes simple temple kisses. he grew up having to take care of his sister, so when you simply kiss him on his temple or head, he feels like he finally can give in and be the one to receive the care instead of giving it.

. L. Little Ones , { How are they around children? }

— he’s great with kids. he knows how to take care of a kid and their needs. he’s neutral about them, doesn’t hate them and doesn’t like them all that much, but if he was put in the situation where he had to take care of a kid, he won’t be oblivious but rather knowledgeable.

. M. Mornings , { How are mornings spent with them? }

— kai can be a morning person or a night person, it really depends on what’s happening in his life. he can be overly productive in the mornings, or laying in bed and contemplating getting up and starting his day. his sleep schedule is practically nonexistent so if yours isn’t, don’t bother trying to fix it, he gave up on that long ago, but if you’re also no constant with your sleeping routine, then be ready for random activities at two in the morning and seven AM.

. N. Nights , { How are nights spent with them? }

— like said before, his sleep cycle is messy. most nights, he’s out doing ninja duties and sleeps early in the morning, other nights, he’s blacked out in bed and it’s impossible to wake him up. he’s awake most nights though, he has to be extremely exhausted to sleep at night. he says he functions better at night, which you can confirm is true.

. O. Open , { When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly? }

— kai acts like he’s an open book, but he’s the most secretive soul ever. he would start to reveal things about himself gradually in your relationship, also, he wouldn’t really speak about his past unless you ask. he definitely tries to say everything at once but ends up a sobbing mess before he could finish his words. he tries his hardest not to be cryptic around you, but it’s a force of habit. he’s not, but you have to be patient.

P. Patience , { How easily angered are they? }

— we all know that kai has zero patience whatsoever. he needs everything done and done quickly. people call him aggravating and immature for that trait, but in reality he’s just anxious. he worries that if things are not done rapidly, the they never will be done. he’s trying to be more patient and you’re helping, but he can’t help but feel the need to fasten the pace of everything.

. Q. Quizzes , { How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything? }

— when it comes to memory, kai can remember most things. if you mention something in passing, he’ll remember a little bit but not the finer details. he most certainly doesn’t forget everything, he remembers finer details about you but the little things that you say without mentioning their importance, he tends to forget.

. R. Remember , { What is their favorite moment in your relationship? }

— probably the first time you broke down his walls. you two were standing on the railing of the bounty in comfortable silence. this was after you two established your feelings for each other but decided to take the dating step after your current mission. you were simply speaking and kai felt a sudden urge to spill out every single detail about his life. hearing you speak brought him peace. he didn’t let you know how much he realised he can be soft around you, but you knew, and he knew that you knew, you both simply choose to stay in blissful ignorance.

. S. Security , { How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected? }

— oh, he’s the most protective motherfucker you’ll ever meet, but he most definitely knows how capable you are of protecting yourself and that you don’t necessarily need his protection, but he always let’s you know that he’ll be ready to jump into action whenever you need. just like you, he doesn’t need protection that much, but moments happen when he does and he feels enormous joy when it’s you that protected him. both your guys’s protection is portrayed by the usual mention of being for the other whenever they need.

. T. Try , { How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks? }

— kai is putting his blood, sweat and tears into his and yours relationship. he adores overly fancy dated just to have an excuse to look overly put-together. like mentioned before, his love language is giving gifts, kai knows how much you truly don’t care about the value of a gift, but during anniversaries he makes sure to get you something of value. everyday gifts consist of simple things like getting you coffee or simply handing you the charger. to put it short, he just enjoys doing things for you.

. U. Ugly , { What would be some bad habits of theirs? }

— definitely his short temper. he doesn’t get angry at you but sometimes harsh words slip out of his mouth unconsciously. since you knew him long before you started dating, you know how to differentiate when he means his words and when he simply let his unsolved anger issues take control.

. V. Vanity , { How concerned are they with their looks? }

— this is kai, he’s always concerned for his looks. he needs to be looking good whenever he goes. originally, he did it for the pure confident he felt, but now, he goes out of his way to look good just to hear you compliment him. once, he was walking around the monastery with his hair un-gelled. his light brown hair fell on his face and moved gracefully in the wind, "you look pretty with your hair down." and ever since then, kai has slowly started to dial down his hair gel usage.

. W. Whole , { Would they feel incomplete without you? }

— yes and no. no in a sense that he’s been independent his whole life and is serene with the fact of being alone. yes in the sense that when kai falls in love, he falls head first and is unable to get up, so he might be able to distract himself from the fact that you’re not around but once he’s alone with his thoughts, he’ll feel off. that’s why when you’re not around, kai is always busy.

. X. eXtra , { A random headcanon for them. }

— kai likes overly hot foods. hot cheetos, spicy noodles, etc. if you happen to also like spicy foods, then be ready for random trips to convenience stores at three in the morning to eat spicy noodles. if you don’t like spicy food, then just simply to weary of the fact that his room would be filled with hot cheetos packs.

. Y. Yuck , { What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner? }

— in general, kai despises sweets and sugary foods and drinks. he’ll occasionally eat them if it’s a cake in a birthday party or a gift, but he’ll never go out of his way to get sugary stuff for himself. in a partner, kai would dislike someone who wouldn’t be patient with him. he needs someone who would be able to take in his ugly, not only his good aspects. he needs someone who would be able to be on his level of caring, or else it just wouldn’t work.

. Z. Zzz , { What is a sleep habits of theirs? }

— kai needs a blanket. even if it’s in summer and his body heat is already up, he desperately needs to be covered in a blanket to go to bed. another thing, is that he needs to have water next to him because he randomly wakes up and he needs to drink water to be able to sleep again.

[voidmadisonrecs]

chris evans recs

these are more for me then anyone else but here are my fav chris evans (and co.) fics, blurbs, headcanons, etc.

feel free to message or comment with suggestions that i should read and make sure to check out these writers other works because they are all amazing <3

Chris Evans

butterflies - @chanelfaerie

chris has got butterflies for you—do you feel the same?

pop the questions - @angelkurenai

you are costars and in a relationship with Chris and while on the set of ‘Gifted’, you are very clingy. when Chris sees you interact with your youngest costar, he realizes you would make a great mother

white - @agentofbarnes

chris can’t seem to function while seeing you in a white dress

ask me properly - @twittytelly

while spending time with his family, chris realizes that it's the perfect time to put his 'plan' into action

red carpet w/ chris - @avenging-fandoms

your chris’s costar with Chris and you’re both tipsy in a red carpet interview and giggling together, making no sense but just being all happy and sparking dating rumours

happy goddamn new year - @fluffymisha97

the morning after your new year with the evans’ which doesn’t go all that smooth

sweet creature - @buckyhoney

domestic shit

ass man headcanon - @agentofbarnes

chris evans sure does love ass

and then he came along - @teebarnes

you haven't had the best record when it comes to relationships, you thought you couldn't be loved. until one day as you sat on the beach shivering, everything changed when chris came along

granola bar and lots of love - @planetofawe

with the kids away, you and chris have more than enough time to practice some aftercare (smut)

claim - @cloudystevie

your husband puts a baby in you (smut)

beer gut - @violetlilysunshine

chris gets self conscious after gaining a little bit of weight and not working out as hard as he used to during his Marvel days (smut)

dumb - @agentofbarnes

chris evans makes you dumb and you are a little touchstarved (smut)

red, white, blue’s in the sky, summer’s in the air, baby heaven’s in your eyes - @cloudystevie

sunday’s are for football games and attention (smut)

the big 4-0 - @rocketrhap3000

chris being insecure for his 40th bday but reader makes sure he knows just how much she loves him (smut)

my girl - @punani

chris loves calling you his girl (smut)

the fluffer (masterlist) - @punani

it’s the 70′s and the erotic videos industry is experiencing another boom after the risen popularity in the previous decade. the studio’s are hot, gemini flanagan is a brand, and you’re a newly hired assistant at shaggin’ studios. chris takes a liking to you, altering your job description so that you get to work more closely with him. is this all just physical, or is there something more? (smut)

wedding shenanigans - @flowerbouquet

in which you and chris have a sneaky fuck in the bathroom during your best friends wedding (smut)

grocery run - @bucksfucks

innocently wearing chris’ shirt leads to you finding out just how much he can’t resist you (smut)

chain - @bucksfucks

chris tells you to bite down on his chain (smut)

home late (part 2) - @violetlilysunshine

smuttttttt

severance - @punani

the divorce process with chris is messy, seemingly never ending, and ultimately: heartbreaking. you had to be strong for your son, yourself, and eventually you wanted someone else to be strong for you, so, it seemed only natural that you would venture into the arms of another. however, sometimes the line between something officially ending or simply taking a break blurs when you’ve known someone for longer than you can remember (smut/baby fever/ex!reader)

so beautiful to me - @uprootbasic

despite being broken up and coparenting, chris still want to show you how much he loves you (smut/baby fever)

sundress season - @jurassicbarnes

in which all it takes is a pretty little dress to break his resolve (ex!reader/smut/baby fever)

mwah - @iguessweallcrazyithinktho

ur little bubba is obsessed with kissys and keeps leaning in to kiss you (baby fever)

long hair lover - @iguessweallcrazyithinktho

chris comes back from filming red sea diving resort and his baby daughter is crazy in love with his long hair (baby fever)

slobbery kisses - @iguessweallcrazyithinktho 

chris wakes up to sloppy kisses by his baby (baby fever)

baby rose - @fluffymisha97

reader and chris had a little baby girl. but not everything is going that well, you're both trying to navigate life as new parents (baby fever)

eve - @kiwisomething

you drop your son off with his father and he invites you in (baby fever/ex!chris)

parenting is hard blurb - @lokiscu

chris and the reader have just had a baby and the lack of sleep mixed with lack of physical affection and time they have with one another gets to both of them and they end up fighting because of the stress (baby fever)

isla - @uprootbasic

the reader is a famous singer and always sings to her little girl. one night, chris and the reader decides to have this little jamming session with their baby. chris plays the piano while the reader sings I wanna hold your hand by the Beatles (baby fever)

the neighbours lights - @lokiscu

it’s your first Christmas with a baby (baby fever)

paparazzi - @ozarkthedog

chris evans and reader are both famous and one day they are out with their daughter when paparazzi start to follow them (baby fever)

thunder - @worksby-d

your daughter is scared of the thunder (baby fever)

she’s the one - @worksby-d

chris x singlemom!reader masterlist (baby fever)

protective stepdad chris x single!reader - @worksby-d

masterlist (baby fever)

truth be told - @kthynes

chris finds out he has a 6 month old baby because his partner didn’t have the chance to tell him that she is pregnant because they broke up (angsty??/baby fever)

not her - @agentofbarnes

chris wants a family and you just aren’t ready yet, but that doesn’t mean he wants you any less (angsty?)

the love we have - @kthynes

the reader is chris's ex wife and she's about to be married again to a guy she doesn't really love. so in the night of her bachelorette party she's really drunk and she ended up going to his apartment and tell him that she still loves him and that she wants to hate him because he was the one who file for divorce but she can't, then she leaves. on the day of the ceremony their 10 year old kid tells Chris that he should go after her before is too late (angsty??)

Frank Adler

i ruined our sweet tune - @rodrikstark

the last person you’d expect to see in florida is the hot professor from your undergrad philosophy class 

buttons - @rodrikstark

buttoning franks shirt headcanon 

waffles - @amylillian22

the morning after their usual saturday date night, y/n runs into mary unexpectedly. frank wakes up to find them making waffles

remember - @sweater-daddiesdumbdork

frank wakes you up at the ungodly hour of 3:30 am and will not even tell you why

breeding kink - @stargazingfangirl18

as the hot single dad everyone wants to get with, frank turns a few heads at back to school night, and well, you may get a little possessive (smut) 

magic demeanor - @bloodiedskirtts

after moving back to Florida in the middle of a heat wave, things seem to be getting worse and worse. the only thing to make her days any better is her neighbour, Frank. with neither of them willing to admit that they can’t get enough of each other, a pesky shower malfunction may be the only way for them to tell each other how they feel (smut)  

Ransom Drysdale

2:27 am - @cloudystevie

it’s 2:27 in the morning when ransom shows up at your doorstep, and he wishes he could tell you why 

cold (third part of his return) - @kiwisomething

hugh is cold sleeping on the couch by himself 

new man - @worksby-d

ransom loves to pretend he’s not whipped for you, but here he is letting you do your skin care routine on him

morning dew - @agentofbarnes

it was only supposed to be one night, but ransom can’t seem to get you out of his head (smut) 

Andy Barber

the proposal - @fairyevans

andy takes the reader on a gorgeous vacation but everything goes wrong except the proposal 

consequences - @stargazingfangirl18

life after your breakup with ransom (smut)

yes, mrs barber - @jurassicbarnes

in which you’re down on your knees, about to suck his dick within an inch of his life because it was the only way to shut him up (smut) 

[zemossunshine]

Sunshine Chapter 46

Pairings: Zemo x You  Bucky x You

Summary: Falling in love with a villain. This will start sweet and then go very dark.

Tags: Explicit. Mature. Not for minors. Dark. Angst. Knife play. Depression. Suicidal thoughts. Self Harm . Vomiting. Nightmares. Sleepwalking. Torture. Smut. Broken Bones. Blood. Injury. Violence. Rough Sex. Rape. Kidnapping. Spanking. Unhealthy Relationships. Mental Health Issues. Anal Sex. Orgasm Delay. Fear. Blow Jobs. Sexual Violence. Suicide Attempt. Reference To Domestic Violence. Sleepwalking. Memory Loss. Gen Violence. Threats. Manipulation. Manipulative Relationship. Murder. Death. Loss Of Parents. Implied Alcohol Abuse. Threats Of Rape. Non Consensual Drug Use. Emotional Manipulation. Gaslighting.

Warnings fr this chapter: Threats

You held yourself back in the days Zemo was gone. Scott kept Rebecca entertained with various magic tricks, she loved every one. Asking if he had any other magic friends, she would have loved Victor, but he didn’t appear, but then Zemo wasn’t here. On the last night Hope told you that you didn’t have to take the sleeping tablets, she didn’t know Zemo like you did. He would know if you didn’t and someone would be punished and you weren't about to let that be her or Scott, they gave up their time to look after you and Rebecca, were endlessly kind when you had held them in the grips of your power. Didn’t flinch away, even gave Zemo a quinjet key chain, which you suspected wasn't just a key chain. Hope was so worried when you woke up screaming she ordered Scott out of your room, just because he was male, they had been told what happened or at least had some idea. The shame burned within you, you were not frightened of men, just one really, the one you lived with, the one you were married to, the one there would never be any escape from again.

“You know we lost each other for a while, maybe someone is out there looking for you.” Scott said lovingly holding Hope's hand over a steaming cup of chamomile tea. Your face etched with disdain, you could comment that it was an odd thing to say, it really was, Scott still had optimism, after everything that had happened, after how he had been treated, by his own government. Even after he saved the world, There was only one person looking for you and you walked straight back into his house.

“No, there isn’t, we would have found them by now.” Hope added as she kicked Scott under the table. On some level she knew, she knew that this was a prison, hell you could even say it and they couldn't take you away. She rolled her eyes at the buzzing of her phone, Zemo checking in again, which felt like an alarm going off at five minute intervals. Zemo couldn't exactly refuse any mission because of his own pardon, couldn't claim he had you to take care of, he had to pretend that everything was just as fine as you did, especially as he finished the job you and Maria started, you no longer existed, Zemo took it all.

–

Waking up to an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach, you knew Zemo was back, that had to be it. Zemo was back, he had to be, that or something worse, not that you could discount that, there always seemed to be something worse. You were so cynical now, you could just lay in bed forever until the day you didn’t wake up again, get the freedom Victor longed to give you. The sleeping tablets took you under, but they didn't keep you asleep, today they had, at least you hadn't spent half the night pacing your room. Grunting you knew that Zemo would drag you out of bed if he had to and you knew it would take very little for him to feel like he had to. Huffing at yourself, you couldn’t exactly complain, you wanted this, you willingly came here, you coerced, planned, even threatened Maria. Swinging your legs over the bed, you took what you hoped would be a calming breath, placing your hand on the edge of the bed to push yourself up, you stared at the alarmingly familiar black bracelet. Hell no. Prying it with your fingers, clawing at it with your nails, there was only one difference, this wasn’t the one you wore at the raft, this was vibranium, indestructible. This was originally designed to shock you at any moment. Zemo couldn't expect you to wear this, lying to yourself again that he couldn’t make you, when you both knew he could. Would he really be so cruel as to shock you, to have the fear of having bolts of electricity move through your body at any given moment?

“I’m not wearing this.” You told Zemo, finding him walking to the kitchen with an increasingly happy Rebecca.

“Strange, it looks to me as if you are wearing it right now.”

Fuck you.

Fuck no there was no way, you needed Maria, you needed Shuri, you needed to get this torture device off your body immediately, well Zemo removed anything that could even be considered a weapon a while ago, you hadn't seen his sword for ages. You wondered how strong the doors were, if you would have time to smash the door enough times to get the job done, somehow Hydra had done you a favour, you knew what it felt like to lose a limb.

I’ll cut my arm off.

A hand clamped around your forearm like a vice, as Rebecca entered the kitchen you were pulled back and slammed into the hallway wall. Zemo pressed himself firmly against you. You swung your head and Rebecca was in her own little world. Zemo was so close you felt his nose graze your cheek as he whispered into the shell of your ear. “That thought is never to cross your pretty little mind again, do you understand?”

“You're hurting me.” Your lip quivered, heart drumming in your ears, muscles straining as your skin crawled.

“If I find so much as a scratch from any ill attempt to remove this, you will find yourself handcuffed to my person permanently, then you will discover what real pain is.” Zemo promised with a voice devoid of all emotion while you frantically shook your head. Zemo gently lifted your chin with his other hand, heat and fury radiating from him and you whimpered, barely able to hold yourself up, you relented and looked at him. His eyes bore into you unashamed, that darkness ,that fire was there but there was something else, his eyes burned you. Did he even care? After all the pain he had caused? Trembling in his arms you hoped he hadn't seen the scratches already around the watch.

“I’m sorry.” you gasped out. That seemed to disgust Zemo he released his hold and stepped into the kitchen, you slid down the wall, more like fell, placing your hands into the plush carpet in an attempt to ground yourself, to not cave to the impending panic attack, desperately trying to regulate your breathing a hand appeared over your own. Victor. You clung onto him as if he were the only hope you had. Rebecca called out to you and you retched, you had to endure this. You wanted this, you just didn’t think he would be so callous with Rebecca so close.

“You can survive anything Sweetheart.” Victor reminded you. Rubbing your hand over your face you stood, still weak at the knees, plastered a smile on your face and entered the kitchen, hearing Victor on your trail.

“I can count to ten!” Rebecca exclaimed, with one little finger she pointed in the air as she counted off, you forced your smile to get bigger for her.

“You know Rebecca, you have ten fingers, as do I. You should check to see if Sunshine does.” Zemo smirked at you. You fucking asshole. He brought Rebecca into this, made her part of your little spat. She would now remember you had ten fingers. You held them out and your head high as she counted them off. Just for a moment you imagined she was counting up the moment you exploded, that you grabbed the nearest object and repeatedly smash it into Zemo’s face.

“I wish you would.” Victor sang which caused a genuine smile to peep through, his commentary wasn’t exactly child friendly. “You could always say it was an accident.” A laugh almost escaped through your lips, which was only fuelled by the confusion on Zemo’s face.

Another pointless driving lesson, at least Victor was sitting in the back, huffing and tutting at the pretence that you couldn’t drive, or pilot or a jet, or that you were this clueless. Zemo reeled off his stupid instructions. You didn't even know why Zemo agreed to teach you to drive, it wasn't like you were going anywhere. With Rebecca on your lap, driving very slowly around the trees, you gently hit the brakes when a squirrel ran across your path. Rebecca planted her feet on your thighs and hands on the wheel, enamoured by the little furry thing. Watching it, brushing its face with its tiny little paws you were in awe of her sparkling eyes, how its fluffy little tail could bring such joy into her heart, he ran off and she moved her face closer to yours with a big grin, a moment shared between you both.

Zemo captured it on his phone, he played the video for you and you would cherish it forever, the intimacy of it, you both so happy, the sun shining on both of you, so serene, almost as if you were glowing, that joy was lost when you watched Zemo send that video to Maria with a triumphant expression. He had you dead to rights, you were both playing an elaborate game of chess. Sure, you could blow the whole board off the map, but you both knew you wouldn't. He had solid evidence that you were thriving, happy, safe, just as he did before.

“Kill him.” Victor commanded, feeding into your darker desires. And so you opened the car door, gently lifted Rebecca out, made sure she was steady on her feet and hit the gas, laughing maniacally into the air as you sought your revenge, hurtling towards a tree, angling the car to make sure Zemo would die on impact. If only. If only you had the courage, if only Victor were really here, if only you could open the car without Zemo, you couldn't cause Rebecca that much pain, you would live on, whatever that meant, as long as she was happy.

“Driving requires two hands Rebecca, isn’t that right Sunshine?” Zemo cooed.

“Yes, it does. You have two hands just like dad and me.” You agreed with Zemo feeling the burn of Victor’s gaze on you and the start of his chuckle as you continued allowing malice to slip into your voice. “Uncle Bucky has two hands, doesn’t he?” You smiled sardonically at Zemo knowing you left him stumped, what was he going to do? Deny it? Say Bucky was defective in some way and by extension you? That you weren't whole as a person? You hummed to yourself satisfied at the blood curdling laugh you elicited from Victor.

“He is insufferable.” Victor scorned.

-

Victor gave you ideas, plenty of ideas, kick Zemo down the stairs, push his head into the boiling soup he made for dinner, hold his head under Rebecca’s bath, all of which formed an incredible and vivid visual in your mind. The darkness was always there and now the person who taught you how to harness it was with you, encouraging you to act on it, painting a picture of every scenario. That was Victor's solution, to stay safe he argued you had to eliminate Zemo. You asked him how you would get supplies, money, how you were supposed to provide for Rebecca in a prison you couldn't leave, he had his magic, he had his intellect, you didn’t have those things. He would have this bracelet off in five seconds flat, break down whatever shield there was preventing your escape. A knock came on your door after Rebecca went to bed, no doubt Zemo and his shitty pills, opening the door you held out your hand, just get it over with to see Zemo’s sleeves rolled up and a matching thick black bracelet, but why would he wear one? This wasn’t the raft he didn’t need to. You believed the guards only wore them so the chain could form in between. THE CHAIN! Your mind screamed as Zemo’s bracelet touched yours and a black chain appeared in between them. You stared at it in horror, what the sordid implications of this little chain meant. Zemo would be by your side for every waking moment, every sleeping moment, he would be in your bed, how would you use the toilet? How would you shower? Dress? Bile rose up your throat and you had to force it back down, frozen on the spot, you had no idea what to do.

Before you could form any sort of response, Zemo pulled on his handcuff causing you to spin, lifting his arm over you, he grasped your waist ruthlessly and pulled you back into him. Victor help me, help please. Zemo kicked your legs out and as you screamed his hand covered your mouth. You knew what this meant, knew how your body would be violated, every hot breath of his that tickled your cheek, felt like an unwanted touch. Zemo fumbled in his pocket and you screamed louder, flailing against him, trying to get him away from you, you muscles contracted on memory. Zemo held his hand up in front of you with those wretched pills. Did he expect you to take them from his hand like a dog? You nodded your head, you would rather be under for this, when he tipped those pills into your mouth, you felt how much you hated him, with every fibre of your being. You hated him, hated Wanda for digging you out, hated Maria for bringing you back, she was not your guardian angel, she dragged you back to hell, you could have been free from this, free from the endless cycle of pain. Free from feeling your heart shatter over and over.

I made the wrong choice.

Once again you had been presented with a choice and instead of killing Zemo which he rightly deserved, you killed Victor. You choose Zemo again. Metal fingertips grazed yours, urging you to try, to see if your powers worked. Even though you knew how to get out of this Victor trained you specifically to, to fight Zemo. You couldn't, you wouldn't fight Zemo. Victor rested his forehead against yours and you wanted to feel relief from the strong arms wrapped around you, the hands clutching your waist, the hands that Victor swore to remove if they touched you again.

“This isn’t real.” Victor lied echoing the words you said to him in Hydra’s box, cupping your face with his hands and kind eyes.

You're not real.

Snivelling at your situation Victor lied again.“Precisely Sweetheart. I’m dead, I can’t be here, so you can’t either. It's not real, just close your eyes, it will all be over soon.”

Lying to yourself again, telling yourself that this would be the last time. This isn't real.

–

“Shhhhhh Sunshine, I’m here, I won’t let anything happen to you.” Zemo’s voice broke, soothing you again as your body jerked in his arms. Zemo sobbed into the crook of your neck, he had lost you again. He failed. Failing as he always had, he couldn't save you. You always believed in him. Your pain was indelible as was his. He did not have the heart, the compassion, the patience required, you needed someone like yourself. And there was no one quite like that, no one that could make the sun burst out of them, no one, just you. He wanted to cure your frail body, patch up your heart, slay every demon, heal every wound, wipe your tears, hold your hand as you screamed. How to take it all back? How to fix your broken heart? How to undo it all? He desecrated you and destroyed you. All of your suffering, it was all him. And you were still paying the price. He would dedicate his life to you, even if you continuously rejected him he would remain at your side forever.

He wondered who was more of a shell. Whose gaping wound that would never heal hurt the most, how much longer could he endure not being able to hold you? How much more he could repress? How much more torment he could take? How this felt like death by a thousand cuts. The conversations with himself, the back and forth and for what? What would it change now. You hated him. There wasn't a single space in his heart that didn't still love you. He wanted you to turn on him, make him suffer as you had.

He was not perturbed by the shuffling of feet in his house. New guests had arrived, perhaps they could coax a smile out of you, penetrate the towering walls you had built. Perhaps the old faces would make everything stop, if only Oeznik were here. He imagined if Oeznik were here, he wouldn’t be, he would have shot him dead the moment you were discovered. Oh how he wished he died in Sokovia, then you would be free. You had grown to detest yourself, believing you could only bring pain. You even rejected his smiles. Rebecca seemed to pain you also, he understood why, he wanted to covet her innocence, he just couldn't bring himself to force her to see the realities of the world.

“What the hell Zemo.” Bucky hissed, entering the room, lying to Sarah about checking in with General Ross, no doubt hearing two heartbeats behind this door.

“Don’t take her from me, please James.” Zemo begged, pulling you back. “She threatened to dismember herself. She does not sleep James, her mind is haunting her, automatically assuming the worst, she cannot, shhhhhhh-” He sputtered out, stroking his thumb across your knuckles, lulling you back to sleep again, bringing you closer to him, so James couldn’t snatch you away. “I regret the day she ever met us.”

“Yeah,” Bucky replied softly, helplessly looking on. You would have been terrified, but Zemo was so broken, no one saw how desperate he had been all these years, how he barely slept, how every moment was hollow, the despair he had looking for you, no one had seen the regret that taunted him. There wasn't anything Zemo wouldn't do for you, how he would do anything to make you right again. How you still had all of Zemo, how your face haunted Zemo’s dreams.

“It feels as if she is dying.” Zemo admitted. Watching your own mind poison you, steal away your peace, steal away your soul. Watching you yearn for the man who sold you to Hydra. You were growing weaker and weaker by the day, refusing food, refusing sleep, refusing everything. But your thoughts, they were the darkest they had ever been and he just had to sit and watch you torture yourself. You wouldn't survive this. If Zemo could keep you asleep like this forever, safe in his arms, so at peace, he would.

“She shouldn’t have saved us.”

“That wasn’t intentional, she knew we would have prevented her, she needed us out of her way.” Zemo knew he would never have agreed to your sacrifice, he would have handed over the world and never given it a second thought. Bucky pulled the sheets from the bed and draped them over you, he sat for hours watching Zemo calm your unconscious form, somewhere in there, you knew Zemo would protect you. That wouldn’t matter now, Zemo handcuffed you to him, it was over, you would never trust either of them again. He remembered that, hiding in Bucharest, knowing he could only trust one man he couldn't quite remember, Steve. You didn't have anyone like that, not anymore. Then after Wakanda, you came along, trusted him implicitly, saw the good in everyone including him, he was only with Sarah now because a part of him, that he could have lived with, was somewhere in your mind. Not that he or Zemo were letting you go anywhere, they made a pact it would be different this time. As he watched Zemo’s tears fall onto your body, he wasn’t sure it could ever be, if he thought Zemo was over protective before, that was nothing compared to now. If this was Sarah, he would hold her and never let go. “Just a while longer James.”

–

Having no time to compose yourself hearing the rush at your door, burst open and before you could focus you were bundled by two very excited boys. AJ and Cass, the ones who felt your presence. You wanted to hug them forever.

That was short lived when Sarah rushed in pulling them off. “What did I say!” She scolded them. She held her hand out to you. You ignored her and pushed yourself back up, pulling on your sleeve to fully cover the watch still firmly wrapped around your wrist, which almost felt like Hydra's hand clamps, you stretched your fingers out, just to check that you could and Sarah’s face dropped. You forgot, forgot for a moment that now you were something to be feared, especially around her children. You would never get used to that. “I’m Sarah, I- erm, I-” She stumbled over her words, no doubt because this was an odd introduction, she knew you, you could see the disbelief on her face, that she was looking at someone she grieved for, someone who wasn’t supposed to be here, well you agreed more and more with that with each passing day.

“MEOOOOOWWWW!”

Alpine?

You looked down at your feet to a graceful white cat meowing from what you recall for the first time. She tilted her cute little head at you, you crouched down and she didn't turn on you, swishing her tail with an air of importance, she pounced into your arms, nuzzling into your chest with loud purrs. Well at least someone was pleased to see you. Running your fingers through her soft fur, you took solace in the fact that someone even if it were an animal who knew you from the past just accepted you the way you were.

“Bucky promised pancakes, let’s go.” AJ grabbed your hand and started to drag you out of the room. Bucky was here, just great, fucking perfect. Sarah started on AJ again telling him that he had just met you and he shouldn't be dragging you around, you assured her it was fine and walking behind them, you couldn't quite believe how big they had both gotten. AJ was as tall as Sam now and Cass wasn't far behind, you missed so much. You rolled your shoulders in an attempt to shake off the disgust you felt as you entered the dining room, put on that default smile that was more you showing your teeth. Rebecca was already happily chomping down and the boys soon followed. You snuggled into Alpine, taking the smallest sip of water, forgoing any food. You used to squirm under Zemos intense gaze but now, he could go fuck himself, Bucky too with his staring. Bucky hadn't even greeted you, he just watched your every move. Was he pissed you had Alpine? He took the fucking cat from you too. As soon as Rebecca shuffled down to leave the table, you stood, wanting to be as far away from adults as you could.

“Would it be agreeable to you to eat something more substantial?” Zemo whispered. Eat something more substantial? You didn’t have much of an appetite, the thought of putting a forkful of food that either of them prepared made you retch, you couldn't stop it, covering your hand with your mouth. Zemo looked stunned and you gulped, ready to mumble another apology.

“Don’t apologise. Are you unwell?”

You shook your head, Zemo gave you a look of sadness, he glanced at Bucky, who had his ear prominently in your direction and you wished you could silence your heart. Rebecca impatiently tugged on Zemo’s arm, you could see he wanted to say more, momentarily you allowed every emotion to show on your face. Fuck you, you fucking sadist. Zemo nodded as if to accept your words and everyone filed out of the room. That thing Rebecca was so impatient for, that she was scared she would miss, the rain. The fucking rain. You announced that you didn't like the rain and stayed in with Alpine, as if she would ever allow water to taint her delicate fur. Holding her, sleeping in your arms, as Bucky and Zemo watched you through the window. Declining the coffee Sarah offered you as she stood next to you, you were impressed you didn't blurt out that you weren’t allowed coffee, or baths, or your own thoughts, or to go outside, or to breathe air without Zemo’s say so. The rain caused Rebecca’s hair to stick to her face but that didn’t stop her ever so happy laughs, splashing in every forming puddle, she climbed up Bucky’s arm and he lifted her up into the air so she could be closer to the rainfall.

“Rebecca is the real magic Sweetheart, not me.” Victor said from your other side, with a dreamy tone.

She is naive.

Victor lingered with you all day, silently by your side like a bodyguard. When everyone returned from the outside, all the children wrapped in huge white towels, Zemo handed you the phone he gave you, which you didn't carry with you, as he was monitoring it. You looked at him with wary eyes, what could he have done to it? He scrolled through a few times to reveal your old playlist, he put your music onto it. Something that was yours, just yours, all of your music about pain, how could you have ever been so blind? What even was this? An apology of some kind? Still you quietly mumbled a thank you. Making an active effort to avoid both Zemo and Bucky you stayed quiet and trailed along after Rebecca all day, who was slightly jilted that the rain had stopped. Alpine wandered off when it came to dinner and as you knew, you would be told once again you couldn’t help you waited in the dining room. Watching AJ and Cass pander to whatever Rebecca wanted to do, they also showed you where some snacks were hidden and as they ate them, so did you. You slid AJ’s tablet over, careful not to search anything you opened the news. Scrolling past every awful thing going on in the world because that all could have stopped had you not killed Victor. Which he took great satisfaction in pointing out as he tutted and huffed at everything you read, making his snide little comments.

“Look at this,” You gratefully took another nut that he cracked with his metal hand. “This college kid has found a way to clear oceans and he has got funding, can you imagine all of the plastic gone? It doesn't disturb the habitat either, this is great,” You said animatedly, taking another nut. “Finally a way to clear all the damage humanity has done, this could start healing the world, you-” You lifted your head to look into Victor’s emerald eyes only to be met with blue ones. The air tore itself from your lungs, looking at the pile of nut shells underneath Bucky’s hand and a walnut in his palm. You got so distracted you thought it was Victor, damn that metal hand and by the look on Bucky’s face he figured it out, you thought he was Victor. Pushing the chair out to run, to get away, your foot caught the leg on the chair and you crashed straight down onto the hardwood floor. A hand came into your vision, coupled with the black from the fall, you turned away only to smack your face straight back into the chair. Stop it, stop it, STOP!. You felt the ghost of a touch linger on your back and shrieked, turning again, your hand slipping on the blood dripping from your nose, blindly crawling straight into the edge of the table.

The table flew into the air followed by a sickening crunch, porcelain shattering, shards of glass slicing, setting your nerves alight. Hands gripped your upper arms to stop you moving. Splinters of wood littered down as the arms shook you to stop your head jerking in every direction trying to assess where the threat was.

“You're hurting yourself, look at me!”

Sam? Sam moved his hands to gently place them at the side of your head, instinctively your hands grabbed his wrists. He was breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth, nodding, wanting you mimic him. You didn't even notice him arrive, you gripped him warm wrists, shaking, seeing little flakes of sawdust rest on the hairs of his arms. You ruined dinner, now you had a moment you could smell the tomato sauce that was now painting the ceiling. Catching Zemo out of the corner of your eye, who was looking at you with concern as Rebecca marvelled at Bucky’s strength. Bucky had both boys at either side, no doubt making sure the remnants of the large table didn’t injure them. Sarah looked terrified, hands over her mouth, trembling as much as you were. Zemo handed Rebecca to her and she told the boys to follow. You shouldn't have come back, you couldn’t do this, everyday was proving that. What if you used your powers?

“What did I do?” You whispered to yourself.

“Nothing.” Zemo left no room for argument, careful to stay back. “James startled you, it’s not your fault.”

Yes it is.

–

Sam helped you clean up, somehow you did not break your nose. You had bit your tongue and Victor said you would have black eyes by the morning. You stayed in your room, waiting for Zemo to come along with his shitty pills but he didn't. Sam knocked on your door, you pretended to be asleep. Your head felt tight, crushed by the never ending thoughts and the persistent screaming. You had several texts from Maria having missed her nightly text yesterday, you promised you were fine. You desperately wanted to see her, Zemo let Sam in so Maria should be no different. After the bruises went down, she couldn’t see you like this, she wouldn't believe that it was your fault either. No more distractions, just keep your back to a wall, smile and nothing else. You were offered an ice pack by Bucky who clearly waited outside your room until you decided to leave, he insisted, so much so, you quickly realised, you would be offered it continually, by everyone until you gave in. Sam tried to make conversation with you, so did Sarah, she told you all about the boys, how they were getting on with school, how she was still running her community projects and the fishing business.

“Are you ok here?” She said so quietly you barely heard her.

“Zemo is very kind to me.” You answered with a bright smile and Victor clapped you on the back in a gesture of a job well done.

<”I believe her, Doc taught her to lie.”> Bucky muttered in Russian to Zemo. <”She still has her powers, I can feel it and I know she remembers”> Bucky said with a remorseful tone.

<”We deserve it dont we? I await the day she seeks revenge on us. As far as I can tell she does not remember anything.”>

“Sweetheart, see even they believe they should die. Just a quick clench of those fingers and that’s it, please Sweetheart.” Victor implored.

Don’t encourage me.

After dinner in which you claimed you weren't hungry again. Everyone sat out on the patio, which you learned Sam built. He spent a lot of time here while you were gone, Oeznik was mentioned and you had to blink a few times, if he were alive, you could do this. Sam had more time with his nephews taken from him and this time it was because of you. Sam suggested a picture which surprised you, surely no pictures of you were allowed ever again, you went to enough trouble to erase them all.

“No Becca, you should go and sit with your m-” Sarah cut herself off, her beautiful children, gave her a look they mastered from the woman herself telling her to shut the fuck up. Bucky ran his hands down her back and you saw her lip wobble, her jaw clenched and you wanted to tell her that it was ok, you choose this, that this was a better option to keep Rebecca safe, to keep everyone safe, she turned on her heel and marched back into the house, Bucky and Sam on her tail. Seeing Zemo in your peripheral vision you positioned yourself so Rebecca was in between you, how fucked up that you had to use her as a shield. You claimed to need the bathroom, Zemo pulled some headphones from his pocket and your phone with instructions to not remove them under any circumstance.

Slowly and silently removing your shoes, you tiptoed down the hallway, Sarah was having a harder time with this lie than anyone else. Perhaps because she had a perspective no one else did, she was a mother too and you could garner from her point of view you were being robbed of motherhood. You were already robbed, stripped of everything, surely someone had explained that it was in Rebecca's best interest to not be related to you.

“She isn’t even a person anymore. Tell her that little girl is hers.” Sarah blubbered from inside the study.

“Doll, we have been over this.”

“Bucky-”

“ENOUGH! You think it will help her to remember everything Hydra did? Everything Victor did, remember what she did?” Bucky paused as if he were considering something. “Remember what we did? You call her and Zemo a beautiful runaway love? The night he took her, he brought her here, tied her up, cut into her, shot her, that's what all those scars on her arms are. Don’t look at Sam like that he knew, we all knew. You wanna go out and tell Rebecca that her precious Uncle Bucky strangled her ma to death? Fucking do it, you think we don’t all feel like shit, WE DID THIS!”

Sarah wailed so loud you were sure her heart was physically breaking, your past hurt her, she cried for it more than you had. You put your hand on the door and knew Bucky’s head would have turned to the door, slipping off the headphones with an air of confusion, you calmly walked over to Sarah who was doing a terrible job of stopping crying and wiping away her tears, you wrapped your arms around her and asked her what happened.

–

The next day the bruises had started to set in which made you look horrendous. Sarah announced they were leaving, which you knew was your fault, they were meant to stay for a lot longer, she couldn't handle it, you could barely handle it. There was so much more noise in the house, which you couldn't seem to cope with, so much so you jumped at your own shadow straight into Zemo’s waiting arms. You hated him, you knew you hated him and yet you were intrinsically drawn to him, that was the second time you sought solace in him when you thought you were in danger. You pulled away quickly rushing to the kitchen where the kids ate on the chairs and the adults stood around. Zemo couldn't take his eyes off you, full of devotion, full of dismay. Which you couldn't quite understand, your entire relationship was a lie, what was there to be devoted to? The temptation to flaunt your empty, ring less hand in his face was only spurred on by Victor, you could imagine the distaste across his face. It’s not like you unloved Zemo randomly, it came in bits and pieces, until you had built a heart he couldn't touch, if you believed you had one left.

Did he ever love me? You asked Victor half wanting him to answer the same question, Did Victor love you for you? Or because you were the image of Valeria? Did Zemo ever love you? Could he even love? He loved Rebecca so much so you could feel it, see it in every action. Was I ever happy? You asked Victor again wanting him to answer, you didn't get one, not from either of them, how you wished you could believe that your happiness wasn't all a fallacy, did you lie to yourself for every moment? That dance? The nights in the raft? The baths? The nights Zemo stayed awake with you when you couldn’t sleep? Every touch? every kiss? Was it all a lie?

It’s limerence, not love.

Victor had an answer this time. “Remind me how you got your powers again?”

–

You were sitting outside with Zemo and Rebecca, who was insisting on the daisy chain Zemo was making for her be bigger as she intended to wear it as a crown for her newly found princess status which Victor enjoyed a little too much, reminding you that had his plan come to fruition she would have ruled the world with him and he would have forged her a real crown. In between blowing on dandelions to, in her words, 'set the fairies free.’ You wondered if you could be a fairy. She haphazardly made you a bracelet and asked Zemo if you could be royalty too and you wondered if the ground could just swallow you up. The daisy chain was falling apart in your hands much like this life. Zemo held his hand out and you clutched it to your chest, yes it was stupid and the flowers would die by morning but it was yours, and you didn't have much in this world, why the fuck would he take it from you.

“You wish to preserve this, yes?” He asked gently as you nodded and he sauntered off returning with a thick and heavy dictionary, he had lined it with paper and explained the process of pressing flowers, A way to keep Rebecca’s gift forever.

“Thank you.” You told him later on as you crept into Rebecca's room as she listened intently to Zemo, you selected one of her books and wished her a goodnight. Every book you tried to smuggle away from the study disappeared, for whatever reason Zemo didn’t want you reading them, probably thought they could trigger some awful memory, in your defence you did not finish Dracula. Right on cue the knock came on the door and you held your arm out with that bracelet weighing it down and Rebecca’s book was ripped straight from your hand. How were you supposed to continue with this turbulence? Anticipate his ill temper? What could happen in a child’s book that he didn't want you to read? Backing away with your hands in the air, you wondered what you could have possibly done to antagonise him? You hadn't given Zemo any reason to be, well Zemo.

“The princess is kidnapped in this particular story.” Zemo grumbled, yet he remained where he was, outside of your room.

“It’s a kids book, she’ll get rescued right?”

“Actually the princess Belle, falls in love with her captor.” Zemo said through gritted teeth. Victor burst into laughter and you glared at him. There were children’s books promoting this shit? You picked that one of all the ones she had? Fuck Hydra for stealing your childhood, fuck Victor for laughing, fuck Zemo, Fuck all of it. Zemo’s eyes moved in Victor’s direction and you shifted your body just in case. You waited for Zemo to ask if someone was here with you, for him to threaten to kill him, to carve Victor up and serve him to you for breakfast.

“Would you like to read it?”

“Fuck No.” You blurted out, “I mean no thank you.” You quaked, Zemo opened his mouth to reply then shook his head, more at himself, he didn’t even wish you good night, he just drifted off. As soon as he did you pointed a finger in Victor’s face warning him to keep his mouth shut, you didn’t want to know anymore about beauty and the beast.

–

Over breakfast the next morning, Rebecca tugged on your hands and motioned for you to lower yourself down to her level. She kissed her hand and prodded your purple ringed eyes, she was so sweet and kind. A treasure just like Oeznik said. “Magic kisses take all the pain away.” You watched her parrot that lie, back to you as if she truly believed it with all her heart, a lie you taught her and you felt something within you slowly but surely switch off.

Everyone took little pieces and the worst part was that you let them, you sold your soul a long time ago. To endure this, to survive it, you needed to adapt, which became surprisingly easy, especially as you just stopped feeling anything. You didn't feel disgust when Zemo came knocking with those pills, stopped feeling pangs of hunger, even the fear subsided, you became numb to it, apathetic, as if you couldn’t feel anyone there, you didn't care what Zemo did and soon after you stopped finding joy in Rebecca. You tried so hard to bask in her light. How could you enjoy her happiness when her life was a lie? She was in this hell, this prison too. She was blind to it all, you couldn't exactly tell her to open her eyes. Even the glow you once believed Zemo had was diminishing, if he ever had one, it was probably just another figment of your stupidity.

Even your natural fear response to Zemo faded, whenever he would reach out and then quickly retract his hand, you felt nothing. Nothing could hurt you, but that meant nothing could make you happy either, there wasn’t any comfort here, there was just your silence, only speaking if you were directly spoken to, placidly walking head down, through the house that you once believed was paradise, you had both burned that to ruins. You didn’t even find it demoralising when Zemo served everything to you on plastic plates in bite size pieces, no humiliation, just an aching darkness. You didn’t fit in here, but did you really fit in anywhere? Weeks passed with your despondent staring, no more smiles formed on your face, they felt foreign. Waiting for something to bring you back to life. Waiting and the only thing really you expected, was the day Hydra inevitably found you.

You used to be so good at cognitive dissonance, compartmentalising it all into neat boxes, usually marked, ‘it was an accident’ now it had all turned into a swirling pit. A hyperbole, a vacuum of lies, a vortex of pain, a self perpetuating cycle of abuse. This wasn’t living, this was existing, amongst the people you saved, the ones you swore to protect, how could you feel so profoundly alone? By putting everyone else first you had taught yourself that you come second, it was ingrained and you didn’t exactly want to die, but carrying on this way? This was worse than you could have ever imagined.

Zemo was just as bad as you if not worse, sure Rebecca could coax a smile from him, even the intonation of his voice became more empty, but his eyes always travelled to you, the burden, the inconvenience. He always seemed to be searching for something within you? Was it for you to admit you remember? The day you finally snapped? For the black soul that lived within you to take over? The latter was the only real possibility. And then there were the moments you caught his disgust. Which should bother you, but it didn't, you were as disgusted with yourself as he was. A goddess amongst ants, so powerful you were put on a pedestal, causing cities to fall, completely absolved of the responsibility and now you lived in his house, you were everything he hated, you hated yourself more than he ever could. He gave you a wide berth, you had seen his tactics before, but you appreciated that. He became colder and colder, as broken as you were and you loathed yourself for thinking you could have made this work, that it would be easier if you just held his hand. But nothing ever hurt like him. You were bonded by trauma, unhealthily attached to each other. Toxic in the highest form. Sadness etched on his face and a hard exterior that couldn't be penetrated, not that you wanted to, but Zemo was once your everything. There was no going back for him, for either of you, too much had happened, too much loss. Victor reminded you that you were the one who needed saving, Your pain was interminable because of Zemo and he was insipid, intractable.

You knew that.

But the atmosphere of the house was soul wrenching, a black cloud did not crush you, you were the black cloud, dead, empty inside and as infectious as Zemo once called you, you stole the light from everyone. Trapped in a dalliance they couldn't ward off, one you couldn't either. And as meek and as compliant as you were, it only made Zemo hang his head. You wondered who was more of a shadow of who they used to be? Whose gaping wound that would never heal hurt the most? How much longer could you keep this up? How much more could you bottle up? How much longer could you drown, gasping for air? How after another week Zemo could no longer bear to look at you and you could barely open your eyes, through the tormented sleep and hours staring at the fireplace that no longer worked as Victor begged you to kill them all.

There wasn’t any consistency to it all, only the pain. How it hurt, just to breathe. How Zemo had an answer for everything but he couldn't fix this, that you didn’t want him to, that you knew you did this, you deserve a life of misery, that you went back to the one thing you needed to walk away from and in turn were now forcing Zemo to live in this hell too. How every second felt like you were standing on the edge, to keep going or give up, how tired you were of it all, you were even hallucinating your dead mentor, soulmate, whatever he was, imagining he was here, when you knew he couldn't be. Was this survivor’s guilt? The conversations with yourself, the ups and downs and for what? What would it change now? That no matter how much you tried, you would always be the problem.

“Don’t give in, fight back Sweetheart, for me.”

Instead of answering you rolled over in bed and closed your eyes. Keep fighting? What for? There wasn’t anything to fight for anymore.

–

Arriving at the New York division of the Wakandan outreach programme you knew you were supposed to feel something, but it just reminded you that Zemo did this either out of obligation to Wakanda or to you. Guilt, the guilt that Wanda told you would eat them alive and despite your efforts something was eating him alive. Eating all of them alive, you could see it on their faces the moment they saw you. You were losing weight rapidly, face gaunt, eyes sullen, lips chapped, skin discoloured, the only reason your hair was brushed was because of Rebecca, Zemo point blank refused to do your hair, so you tried to match it just by eyeballing what he had done. Bucky looked as if he were ready to force feed and then start world war three. Go ahead.

Unsurprisingly you were placed in a courtyard, with very high brick walls. Bored out of your mind, kicking stones around, shut out again and unable to do anything. You opened the outdoor cabinet to find logs. But then this was New York City, plenty of old buildings, so fireplaces were common. Buildings and houses not as old as Castle Doom but old enough. How long were you expected to be out here? Maybe you could carve something with your nails? Something? Anything? You started to remove all of the logs, even just to count them to pass the time finding an axe at the bottom. Well it was something to do. Your sunglasses could serve as safety goggles, not that you cared. Despite knowing your muscles were weaker, that you were weaker, you brought the axe down.

Over and over.

You managed to split one log into eight before you felt a searing gaze on your neck. Dropping the axe out of your hand, you wondered if you could gaslight Zemo as he had to you. Just say there isn't an axe, you can’t see an axe. Just apologise immediately and he would drop it. Really you weren't trying to piss him off, you imagined the person who left this out here was in for worse than you were.

“Explain yourself.” Zemo demanded.

And you could kind of understand why he was angry, but in your defence you hadn't chopped off your arm and you had enough time, shouldn't you get points for that? Yet Zemo looked incensed as frustrated as he had that morning and that was the moment you realised, you weren't even sure he cared about the axe, he more pissed about what happened earlier.

–

That Morning.

–

Sitting at the kitchen counter as the dining room currently had no table and orange stains on the walls, you patiently waited for Rebecca to finish her egg on toast. Zemo got a phone call and excused himself, you didn't need to look up to know there would be a warning in his eyes, not to touch the cutlery to wait until he returned and he would cut up your breakfast only for you to not eat it. Diminished to such treatment, but it was expected. Picking at your nails, wondering if today would bring anything different to yesterday, you felt a small hand on your thigh, scooching back, Rebecca climbed onto your lap. With her own cutlery she started to cut your toast into neat rows. Three years old and she had some of that etiquette Zemo taught you. She encouraged you to try, pulling your hands to the plate, gently praising you for being able to complete such a simple task. Leaving the toast half finished she climbed back to her own chair, took her cutlery back and hummed happily to herself.

“Why did you help me?” You asked cautiously.

“Helping is the best,” She put one hand on her chest. “Makes my heart all fuzzy and warm.”

Glowing.

You loved her, truly you did, but to watch this, to have to witness the joyful creature she was. It was breaking you down. What had they done? How could they let this happen? Finally, finally, you could say this wasn’t your fault, she was just like you and you weren't even here.

“I’m so sorry Sweetheart.”

Your own plate lifted in front of you, Zemo had come back into the room, you didn’t acknowledge him, you couldn’t stop staring at Rebecca. Even when Zemo asked her to fetch her shoes, your eyes followed her every movement, even when you couldn’t see her, you just stared at the door.

“Sunshine, are you planning to continue starving yourself?”

What? Zemo picked off a small piece of egg with a fork, your stomach flipped so violently, you only just made it to the kitchen sink, retching into it only bringing up bile. Shuddering at yet another mistake, another reason to entice Zemo into violence. “I’m so sorry, I’ll eat it, I promise.”

–

Breakfast, the explanation he wanted, your fingers trailed your lips, tasting the ghost of bile on your tongue, Zemo didn’t make you eat any of it. “I didn’t take Rebecca's cutlery, she thinks I don’t know how to use a knife, I’ll tell her not to help-” You cut yourself off, you were going to cry and you couldn’t let that happen. Trying to convey yet another apology, you returned to the courtyard. Making sure you were as far from the axe as possible, you sat down, putting your head in your hands, you didn’t know how you could carry on. Feeling the air shift as someone plopped down next to you.

“It was hard for me too at first,” Bucky started and you rolled your eyes. Warden number two here to tighten the noose. Yes it must have been extremely difficult, difference was, he got Wakanda, he got endless kindness and more importantly freedom, Shuri let him leave, T’Challa, didn’t monitor his every fucking breath, “It gets better, you just need time,” You didn't need time, you needed something else, you had no idea what that was, and as Bucky kept talking you realised what they were waiting for, they were still waiting for you to come home, No matter how docile you were, compliant, silent, you would never live up that image, you weren't the same person anymore and your presence only exasperated that. Letting him trail off you got to your feet, walking away from Bucky, walking away from this, you found Zemo in the exact same spot he was before, disgust on his face until the mask of an approachable openness slid on as he saw you.

“Can I call Maria?” You huffed out, you didn’t carry that shit phone Zemo gave you anywhere and the one Maria gave you was safely tucked inside your mattress, pretending not to see that refusal flash in his eyes. “Zemo, I have to leave.”

“You, you don’t know what you are saying, you have no idea what’s out there.” Bucky said nervously, planting his hand on your shoulder and you wanted to fucking scream, purposely looking at his hand, you wanted to ask why they both felt comfortable touching you, why they assumed they had an open invitation, tell them both that they should be the ones locked up, that they shouldn't be out in the public, that it horrified you that they were, you were deeply disturbed by them both, that if he didn’t get his fucking hands off you, you were going to make him. That at this point, you didn't care what or who was out there, you would take your chances, because it had to be better than this. Bucky, uncomfortable at your focus on his hand, slipped it off, exhaling you knew you had to get through to Zemo, to convince him and the only real way you could see to do that was through Rebecca. You held your hands out, Zemo’s eyes bounced in between your hands and your eyes, he made a valiant effort not to touch you these days, you nodded, giving him permission, you squeezed his soft scarred hands once they made contact.

“Zemo, Rebecca can see what you are doing. She will look back and remember that you became miserable was the day I appeared. You are withering away, we both are, I can’t do this. You have to let me go.” You looked into his eyes and reflected back at you his own admittance, that he knew you were right. You smiled as much as you could at him, nodding hoping he would puppeteer you, that you would both be on the same page, he relinquished one hand to put in his pocket, to get his phone and you heaved a sigh of relief. That was short lived, when you heard Bucky move closer to you, the hairs on your neck stood on end, you snatched your other hand away from Zemo. Knowing that if Victor were here, he would tell you to scream that you remember, that you remember every last thing, planting your feet ready to push off, to break the door just behind Zemo down, hopefully before he jabbed you with one of those needles.

<”She is going to bolt.”> Bucky whispered.

“SARAH!” You shouted at the suspicious eyes of Zemo and Bucky. They could sedate you in front of Sarah, but she wouldn’t let it go, she was already asking questions, already connecting the dots. She came pounding down the stairs, talking over Zemo and Bucky who no doubt were feeding her a line, you spoke slowly and clearly. “If you have the keys, open the door.” You didn’t even look in her direction, you concentrated on Bucky and Zemo’s feet, you didn’t need to plead with your eyes, she would do it or she wouldn’t.

“Doll, Sarah, DOLL you need to think about this.” Bucky urged. She took a single step towards the door and as Bucky matched her step she screamed for Sam. You wanted to feel guilty at getting everyone involved in this but this was as close as you would ever get to freedom. Still watching Bucky's feet as he was the fastest, tension filtered into the air. All of the children were upstairs alone, yes there were many good people from Wakanda, but was Zemo really ok with that? Lifting your eyes to the ceiling, a thump came from above you all and you dodged out of the way as Zemo and Bucky tore up the stairs. Sarah raced the door, fumbling with the keys in her hand. You wished you had time to tell her how thankful you were. The door opened and as you stepped through it a firm grip stretched around your upper arm. Sarah wasn’t having any of it pushing Sam as hard as she could, she stood in between you, tall and defiant. Sarah knew, she knew there was more going on than she was being told. Standing in between you, Captain America, The Winter Soldier and Baron Zemo.

A fierce bold courageous woman.

“I got this.” Even though she sounded scared, she was sure and ready to fight. You listened to your body, the years it had told you that running was the best option and you didn't listen, fuck you were listening now. You pretty much just used Rebecca as bait and you would be killed for that alone. Taking off down the street you didn’t look back, asking the first person where the closest police station was you kept going, you were going to turn yourself in. Ensure the world was safe from you and you would be safe from Hydra, ask the officers to call Maria. Reaching a small station quickly you were asked to wait until someone was available. You let your head rest back and closed your eyes feeling weary, exhausted.

“Officer, that is the protege of Zebediah Killgrave, remember him?” Sam had burst through the door commanding the room with all the authority of Captain America. Zebadiah? You remembered coming across that name, Mr Purple, a man who terrorised the city, had the ability to manipulate, control and brainwash anyone just with his words. Now that was clever, almost too clever, the perfect way to shut you up, to stop you speaking, because not a person would believe you now or let you talk and as every gun simultaneously lifted aimed in your direction, fuck you wished someone would. “I got this.” Sam growled and grabbed at your upper arm again and you stared daggers at him as he manhandled you back out onto the street.

“Get off me, you asshole.”

“You are the biggest pain in my ass you know, just running off, where are you gonna go?”

Far fucking away. Wrestling against his pull he dragged you into what looked like a very upscale bar, a place you were not dressed for, which was evident by you both being stopped, but Sam bypassed that with a few choice words whispered into the concierge’s ear. Being Captain America really did have its perks. And Sam looked pissed, crazy pissed. Pissed that he would have had to explain how you just wandered off to Bucky and Zemo though you suspected he was more pissed at having to go up against Sarah, truly a force to be reckoned with. The only words you intended to express was a need to speak with Maria. Being poured whisky on a crisp white table cloth, just served as yet another reminder who they wanted back, and how much things had changed.

“Look, I know Zemo is an ass. He can be reasonable, he can, just talk to him.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing, despite the fact you had heard Sam say this to you before, but that was in regards to Bucky. Zemo could be all of those things, but not with you. He had no control whatsoever. “Would Steve agree with you?” You jabbed, As Sam’s face dropped you lifted your glass to a toast. “To Captain America, a hero,“ You continued bitterly, “To the man you turn to when all hope is lost, a beacon of light, the hero who is supposed to fight for my freedom.”

Sam didn’t meet your glass he couldn’t, he couldn't be your hope, he couldn't grant your freedom. Lips set into a grim line, he at least looked ashamed. It was a low blow to compare him to Steve, to someone he spent years trying to live up to, lowering the glass, you traced a finger of the rim, still not taking a sip. Sam had not even touched his own whisky. You thought he was more of a beer kind guy, anyway. In fact not even his fingers touched it, made no attempt to even pretend. It was as if you had tunnel vision, zooming into the glass, breathing becoming ragged when it dawned on you. Sam hadn’t touched the whisky, because it wasn’t his drink.

Slamming your hands on the table to high tail it out of here before Zemo arrived you were met with his large hands covering your own, crushing his weight down onto your fingers. You tried to pull away, yank yourself away with the remaining strength you had left. Zemo wasn’t angry, he wasn’t upset, he wasn’t even disappointed, if anything he looked defeated.

“SAM! Sam, I can’t go back, I-” Your mouth fell open at Sam, sitting calmly, a blank look on his face, none of that scared you, no, his molten golden eyes did. “Sam?” You tried, quickly checking Zemo’s eyes weren’t the same, Zemo didn’t look remotely alarmed, if anything he looked flustered, flushed as if he ran here. swinging back to Sam only to see more molten golden dots, servers paused pouring wine, some halted with trays in their arms, patrons mid drink all statuesque. Had time stopped? That question was answered quickly when every single person made their way towards the entrance, including Sam. There was that cement feeling again, pouring over you, unable to move, unable to speak, frozen stiff. Your senses only came back to you when the crowd leaving revealed a tall pale man with a slight smirk on his face, his own molten eyes, with one hand in the hair. Druig. You read about him too, he could control minds. The thought alone of having your mind tampered with like that, being controlled in such a way, would you even be aware of what you were doing? You had to bargain for the best possible outcome. You weren’t even perturbed by thick metal shutters coming down the windows and doors, locking you inside with Zemo.

“Zemo, I’ll do anything you want, anything please, please, don’t do that to me.” You begged.

“Anything?” Zemo questioned, the undertone of what that could mean, a vulgar and vile implication. “You shouldn't make agreements without knowing exactly what is required of you.” Zemo gently lifted his hands as your head started darting around, looking for a way out, looking for Victor, for fucking anything. Zemo didn’t need the house, he never needed the house, he only ever needed himself, that was enough,, to keep you contained. Looking for your last fucking brain cell because you still hadn’t quite got the hang of that. You agreed to leave the raft with Zemo without question. Agreed to go with Victor without hesitation and still here you were agreeing to stupid stupid shit. “Do you really believe anyone can save you now?” Zemo rasped. You didn’t there was no one, what was Zemo about to tell you, you would be serving a lifetime term in the basement? You would never see the light of day again? “The only person capable of such a feat is yourself.”

Not even hearing that last sentence, beginning to hyperventilate. “I’m very very sorry.”

“Stop apologising.” Zemo reached over the bar selecting a bottle of wine. “You have nothing to apologise for. You are not responsible for this.” He held up the bottle for your approval and you stood there slack jawed, what in the fresh fuck did he mean? What did he want? What was this? He poured the deep scarlet liquid into a wine glass, a glass not plastic, keeping himself at arms length he offered it to you with nothing left but his humility. “Sunshine, the war is over, I know when I am beaten. You cannot fight and neither can I, you and Rebecca will be relocating to Wakanda, I'm afraid it may take a few days-”

You held your hand up stopping him, there was no way you heard him right. “You're abandoning her? Handing her off? To a stranger?” Voice embellished so he understood, that is exactly what your parents did to you. As Zemo opened his mouth to defend himself, you continued. “Where will you be?”

“I will be turning myself in for my crimes against you, Maria will make the appropriate arrangements.”

He might just be the worst person you had ever met, leaving Rebecca with you, a stranger, handing her over so easily. A malevolent smile spread across your face, reaching out for the wine you sat down. You let the wine slide down your throat in triumph, you had him, he could say whatever he wanted, only now the bruises around your eyes had faded. There wasn’t a mark on your body, he didn't have anything to corroborate his story and most importantly, Maria would believe you. “Call Maria, I'll even speak to her for you.”

Zemo’s lips pursed. “I watch your animated corpse wander my halls, you die everyday. I am detrimental to you. You have become hyper vigilant, not prioritising your basic needs, reactive, distorted negative beliefs about yourself. You are in survival mode and I must concede. It would be negligent of me to allow this to continue. I have to force you, force you to choose yourself.” All you could hear was his devastation, for the situation you were in, for where you both were now. “I talk myself in circles searching for compromises for your freedom. I can only apologise for my behaviour, I will never forgive myself, my transgressions are extensive, endless. I have made many mistakes in my life, they all pale in comparison to you.” Zemo stumbled over his words. Zemo of all people. ”You remind me of what I am. A depraved and cruel man, in Wakanda, you can-”

“Rebecca loves you, you can't leave her.”

“Rebecca is safe, loved, happy. Your needs surpass hers.”

“I don’t care.”

“I am aware of that. That's the crux of it, Sunshine, you do not care enough about yourself to see.” Zemo said exasperated, beaten down, the mask he always had slipped he looked just as fragile as you were. “You’re screaming, watching you torment yourself, it breaks me, my very soul, I couldn’t have envisioned a life so…. I want so much for you Sunshine, so much more than this.”

As the silence stretched between you, you saw that Zemo left his coat behind, his sword, stripped bare of his armour, of his weapons. His pallor looked that of a sickly man, pasty, as if he had just vomited himself, or came down from a panic attack, he looked vulnerable, scared even. Resigned and hopeless, as if his emotions would spill over at any moment.

“You don't trust everyone in Wakanda enough to GIVE AWAY your daughter.”

“I trust several individuals with Rebecca, she is not as reckless as I find you to be. She does not have a natural trepidation for danger. You truly have an incredible resolve, a passionate stubborness that cannot be tamed. So tell me Sunshine, what do you suggest?” Was Zemo giving you carte blanche? Letting you decide what happens from now on? You didn't know how to answer, you had never dreamed of your future, somehow you knew you wouldn't be the person choosing it. “I suspect you haven't ever had the opportunity to dictate your own life? What do you want?”

“I want to be free” But I know I can't be.

“ I understand your desire to have that Sunshine, I do. There are external forces at play. As a result of my actions, of my history there is a high possibility that you will be targeted.” Zemo sounded so wounded, a deep sense of morose in his tone. “Allow me to be candid, I am mentally unstable, I have let's refer to it as control issues. I have become fixated on you, unhealthy so. It is as if every emotion I have is directed at you, my feelings are incomprehensible. I feel as though I cannot live without you, I know that is incredibly unfair However I must ensure you are protected.”

“I’ll go to Wakanda, just me.” You relented.

“Sunshine-”

“NO.”

“Would you be open to a negotiation?” Zemo forever in a position of power wasn't used to being defied, let alone forced to compromise, it just wasn't something that happened you could hear that now in his words as they rattled in your mind. Negotiate with a terrorist, now that you would be willing to try your hand at, negotiate with Zemo? You can’t be negotiated with.

“I swear I am open to this discussion, we can establish new rules.” Zemo tried. No. “I promise that I can and will strive to be less intolerable.” he urged. No. “I vow to, I assure you I take my vows very seriously.” He said sincerely. I bet you do, the answer is still no. Zemo looked pained, took the last sip of his whisky and shook his head sadly, a desperate smile ghosted his lips. Even he knew that him being reasonable was implausible.

“I give you my word.”

That got your attention, something shifted between you. Victor gave his word and his word was binding, absolute. Zemo was attempting to give you a sense of security, even if it meant invoking Victor. “Start over, not afresh as such but with experience.” Just as you originally intended, you could fight with Zemo everyday or just coexist. You didn't agree on anything, but that wasn't a new sensation. Start over? It was only fair to see if Zemo could in fact be agreeable.

“Take this off.” You let your wrist fall to the table with a loud clatter, you wanted that torture device off, immediately. And yet Zemo did not seem to receptive of your demand, the first hurdle and he failed.

“That device allows me to see your pulse, I take great comfort in knowing that your heart beats.”

“Can’t I wear a fitness watch?”

“That is an excellent idea.” Zemo smiled. “Anything else?”

“I don’t want to take the pills, I want any and all cameras gone, I want the age restriction taken off netflix.”

“There are no cameras inside our home whatsoever. I think the rest goes without saying.”

“I don’t want to be afraid anymore.” You admitted.

“The last few years have hardened me, changed me, so much one hardly recognises oneself. A hardship I believe you understand all too well. Fear is your companion now, that is my fault. I am unable to take that from you Sunshine, I desperately wish I could. Know that I will never give you a reason to fear me, not ever again.”

“You actually believe you can do this?”

“James can hear a slight strain on your heart.” Zemo's eyes became glassy. “ It is not a matter of choice, I know that if I do not, you will die.”

You shook your head at yourself, because you believed him, after everything you believed him, trusted in every word he said. You looked at him, you just looked at him and wondered if it was even possible? Wanting to drown in his optimistic eyes and drown you would, one way or another. Zemo pushed the edge of your half empty, half full crystal glass towards you. Wine? Well something had to give you the courage, to agree to try again, to find your way back to some semblance of life, to have even a single shred of hope.

“I must be out of my fucking mind.”

–

Zemo pulled the fire alarm to open the door, an escape, a safety precaution, so simple yet concealed. He informed you that the bar was one of his many establishments, Zemo also invested in commercial property. You and Victor never looked for that, only for any new residential property. Finding a crowd of mindless zombies walking in central park, you kept your distance from Druig. According to Zemo he turned on his own kind for humanity, he valued that above everything else, Zemo also told you Druig would never ever be permitted to control your mind.

“I told you Zemo would come around if you talked to him.” Sam worriedly looked at you both, not quite believing his own words.

"And he is still an asshole.” You said firmly and very loudly, hearing Druig chuckle as he walked off.

“I am.” Zemo agreed wholeheartedly. And off you both went to find a fitness watch, you selected the cheapest one, blue in colour to not show any detection or preference for any colour from your past. Zemo purchased the most expensive black one, which he set up as you sat on a bench on Wall Street. Taking tiny nibbles of a burrito Zemo brought you, annoyed you just got another lump of sauce on the large sunglasses, you decided of your own volition to ask one of the many questions in your mind.

“I have to wear the cap and glasses, Sam does, Bucky does. Why don’t you?”

Zemo eyebrows pinched, he shuffled himself along the bench, creating a bigger space between you, surveying the hustle of New York, he cleared his throat and adopted as much of a carefree tone as he could. “I want my enemies to find me.”

No more burrito, you appreciated that he was honest, but you knew what happened when Zemo met his enemies. There were a million more questions you wanted to ask, but did you really want the answers? Did you want to watch him lie to you? You offered him the remainder of your burrito and to your shock he took a bite.

“Burrito guy is kind of cute, can I run away with him?” You said playfully, wanting to change the subject while watching Zemo to see if you could make him choke on his food. Zemo’s eyes lifted to you with a glint, he was amused that you were bold enough to say such a thing. He turned his attention to the man tending to his food cart. Crouching down to sort his supplies, napkins, chilli sauce, a pigeon swooped down and pecked at the onions and the man didn’t even look up, the pigeon flew away unnoticed. Hardly an acceptable candidate to keep you safe.

“Absolutely not.” Zemo said through laughter. Walking back to the outreach centre you noticed Zemo managed to ward enough anyone in your path with a single look in their direction, you must be the only person in New York City who wasn’t bumped into. Zemo walked ahead of you into the courtyard, picking up the axe and holding it out to you.

“Your life is your prerogative Sunshine. I do need to ask you for a favour, well two actually.” Taking the axe you narrowed your eyes, here it was the catch. “Firstly please refrain from cutting off your limbs.” He said that with a smile he reserved for when he had to be polite and he didn’t want to be. " Please be kinder to yourself.”

–

Zemo shook you awake once you arrived back, you didn’t know if it was the vibrations of the car, or just that the never ending tension in your spine had dulled slightly. Or if it was that Zemo made a point to tell you exactly where you were going before you just woke up in a new place. You did wonder what you had done? if you made the right choice? Rebecca was sleeping too, Zemo had been out in the city and didn't arrive back until late to take you both home. Could this place ever be your home?

Zemo gently pulled Rebecca from the car, rested her head on his shoulder and walked away from the house. You trailed next to him in silence knowing he was walking towards the pond, which now had a bench installed. The moon glittered on the surface as you heard the leaves rustle in the wind. Rebecca’s face squished against Zemo’s chest, slightly frowning as he sat down, he didn't speak until you sat down too.

“I lost someone very dear to me recently.” Zemo spoke lowly, moving Rebecca’s hair out of her face. “I always believed they guided me to be better, to do better, I’m not sure they ever did,” Me? “A gentle soul, saw the good in everyone including myself.” Zemo laughed ironically, knowing how much of a mistake that was for you. “The only person to call me out on my bullshit so blatantly.” Zemo smiled as if he remembered something specific, you wondered what it was. “I don’t know why I feel obligated to tell you this, I did not think it possible to die of a broken heart, “ Zemo's voice shook. “He did.”

He?

Oeznik

Zemo shifted slightly to reveal a plaque engraved with his name, a lump formed in your throat that constricted all of your air, wedged there to prevent the oncoming explosion.

“The loss of Rebecca’s mother tore him apart, the years without her, he missed her terribly, he devoted himself to Rebecca in her honour.” Zemo stood taking controlled breaths through his mouth. “Oeznik would have adored you too.”

Your heart lurched, you snapped your jaw shut and clenched your teeth as Zemo silently laid his coat on the bench and walked away. It must have taken everything he had to have kept walking, the gutteral noise that tore from you, even you never wanted to hear again. Inconsolable tears of grief poured out of you. Crying so much you thought your chest was being ripped open. Your skull shook with sobs as your hand traced his name, swearing you would do anything to bring him back. The wailing into the night just wishing he were here, crying harder when you thought about how he would console you, which only made your heart ache more.

The sun rose as your cries turned into hiccups. As you tried to steady your breaths to stop your diaphragm spasming, you felt lighter, there was something cathartic about crying, something freeing about letting it all out, even if just for one night, you sat up when you heard leaping footsteps and the giggles of your daughter running towards you, straight past, jumping without any fear at all into the pond. She emerged squealing, as you raced to the edge. Zemo waded in until he had to start swimming too. Of course she could swim, she was Zemo’s daughter, if she couldn’t he would have had the pond filled. Slipping off your shoes and paddled over to her as she encouraged you over, She was more confident in the water than you, probably a stronger swimmer. She wrapped her arms around your neck and moved her face to your ear.

“Careful of the crocodiles.”

–

After hours in the pond where Rebecca herself played the crocodile, she gave up when squirrels descended on you all, waiting patiently at Oeznik's bench for her to emerge. The nuts you ate earlier that month were for the squirrels who took them directly from her hand, then would scurry off to bury them. When she started to shiver she placed a hand on the bench and looked up into the sky with a bright smile on her face, she whispered Schatzi to herself. Which Zemo told you meant treasure. Just when you thought you couldn’t want Oeznik back anymore. Even after Rebecca was in dry clothes and bundled in blankets she shivered, She cosied up to Zemo and it wasn’t long until her eyes fluttered closed, tiring herself out from chasing after you all morning. Soon after that Zemo closed his eyes rhythmically stroking her hair, just as he used to with yours.

“Fine, even I’ll admit that's adorable.” Victor gritted as you watched them, It was moments like this you needed to hold onto. You hovered closeby, watching both their chest rise and fall, as they slept soundly. They say people know when they are being watched Zemo certainly did, the moment his eyes twitched, you rushed to grab his hands, recalling Oeznik's demonstration of waking a sleeping soldier. You quickly realised his instincts as a father were stronger, you flinched away with an apology. Apprehensive at being alone with Zemo, you felt the need to busy yourself, you moved towards the hallway.

“I need to return these to you.” Zemo said as he caught up, in his hands were the shoes Sarah brought with her, shoes with laces, no guesses for why they were taken from you. “I have some other purchases in the dining room.”

Purchases? Zemo provided everything here which you hated, you never felt comfortable taking his money, but you didn’t have much choice in the matter. Opening the door, you were greeted with every type of pillow available to mankind, square shaped, U shaped, V shaped, memory foam, cotton, firm, soft. Every type of blanket, comforter, duvet imaginable. Bed sheets with such a high thread count you weren’t sure it was possible.

“You are reluctant to sleep, perhaps you had something like this before? Do you feel drawn to any particular item?”

No? You just felt uncomfortable being put on the spot, on having to select something, when you had enough difficulty with everything as it was. You felt awkward that Zemo was trying to take care of you again, nervous to accept it, worried that none of this would ever make you feel comfortable in a bed again, remembering the last time Zemo wanted to take care of you, he built you a house, you started to scratch the palm of your hand.

“Sunshine. The very idea of me caring for you makes your skin crawl, these items are for you to care for yourself.” Zemo said with an air of authority. Piled over the chairs that remained in here, as there wasn’t a table yet, were stacks of long sleeve baggy t-shirts, more leggings, thick fluffy socks.

“I have clothes.” You uttered.

“Clothing that was purchased in an emergency, they are all polyester.” Zemo said dismissively with just a touch of disgust.

“To be fair I didn’t let you wear that either.” Victor added. Let me? Victor looked back at you unashamed matching Zemo's expression. Polyester was beneath both of them.

“I have marked a line in the bathtub as an indicator for the water.” Zemo handed you a wrapped waterproof pillow. “If you use this in combination, it will be very difficult to slip under.” Zemo encouraged. “And micro fibre towels, they are kinder to your skin, some basic skincare too.” Zemo said shyly. Nothing could save your skin, you highly doubted a towel would and there wasn’t a miracle cream out there. “I would suggest trying the weighted blanket, supposedly it aids sleep.” As overwhelmed as you were, you saw the weighted blanket for what it was, a substitute for your cloak. Zemo was willing to put aside his unbridled hate for Victor for you. “And a Loro Piana coat.” Zemo’s pitch went up, this was something he was more comfortable with, holding up the coat to you. It was an exact replica of the coat he had made for you, the emerald green coat, only this one was black. Your favourite colour. Was Zemo accepting of it now? Or would he rather you never wear emerald green again? “A new phone, the one I gave you originally is,” Zemo paused, thinking what to say. A blatant intrusion of privacy? just as you imagined this ‘new’ one would be too, “broken.” Zemo smiled, “and a new bedroom.”

“Why?”

“The master bedroom is…. can feel too large, empty at times. You will be taking the room next to Rebecca, the fireplace is still functional.”

Lips quirking just at the thought of getting the fireplace back. Maybe being closer to Rebecca would make you feel more at peace, maybe there was some merit in the weighted blanket, maybe choosing your own bedding up would help. And if not then it wasn’t like you would be losing anything more. Side eyeing Victor to make sure he would be moving to the new room with you, you agreed.

“Sunshine,” Zemo cleared his throat uncomfortably. “There is the possibility that you shared your bed before, you might be missing that comfort?”

With you? That was years ago?

“No no Sweetheart. Your darling husband thinks you shared a bed with me.”

Staring at Zemo with wide unbelieving eyes and a sneer forming on your face, you decided to make it very clear that was not the case. “I don’t even remember having a bed.” You quipped. The only time in your life that you did was with Bucky and Zemo; you had never been afforded such a luxury at other times. Zemo frowned, trying to understand, he knew you had a bed, he was tortured by the memories of your body against his. As despicable as he found Victor he wouldn’t have forced you to sleep on the floor, he would need to consult with Maria. You both heard the excited footsteps of a tiny human approach and you were glad Rebecca was right on time.

“Look!” Rebecca chimed, whipping round only to fall back into Zemo, not to find solace in his arms, to get as far away as you could from the incredibly large spider that was at least half the size of Rebecca's head crawling up her arm. “It tickles.” She hummed. IT TICKLES!

“Rebecca, maybe you should take your friend outside?” You shrilled. Pushing yourself further back and into Zemo, who kept moving back himself, trying to keep that distance between you. Rebecca moved closer with the spider in the air with two hands and it was bigger, than both her little hands. You swore the wretched thing heard your thoughts, he happily crawled back up Rebecca’s arm and onto her face, her eyes followed still sparkling and you were ready to set the house of fire. Reaching back, you clutched the collar of Zemo’s shirt and pushed him in front of you. Get that thing off her now! Zemo laughed at you, he actually laughed and you would have punched him, had he not let the spider crawl off Rebecca's face into his hands.

“I find it inexplicable that you are frightened of spiders.”

Unable to keep your eyes off its eight hairy legs, it’s black round eyes that you swore were looking at you. “I’m, I’m not scared.” You lied, grasping onto the walls, trying to climb them yourself. Zemo and Rebecca both looked at each other then turned on you, both stifling mocking giggles. “Here is what we are going to do,” You took a small side step keeping your eyes on the creature that Zemo was happy to let wander on his form. “We are all going to walk very slowly to the front door. Then Rebecca you are going to hold Mr spider just for a second, Zemo you open the door and I’ll run,” You took another step indicating for them to follow. “Then you will walk, far, far, far away from the house and let him go.” You continued side stepping, until you reached the door holding up a hand, you didn’t want that thing any closer. Rebecca happily took the spider, Zemo repressed yet another derisive smile as he slowly walked towards you.

“What are you waiting for!”

“Sunshine, are you not capable of opening a door by yourself?” He whispered. No, not this door, not in this house, you know it’s a prison. Zemo, please! He gestured for you to try. Hearing a very subtle click as your hand made contact with the knob, it recognised your fingerprints. Zemo understood that you needed to be able to open doors freely, to always have some form of escape, not complete freedom, but it certainly made you feel less trapped. You swung the door and ran knowing you should feel appreciation for being able to freely be outside without permission or Zemo, but you were too busy, rubbing your hands over your body, that spider might have friends.

–

You all made homemade pizza together for dinner. Zemo told you that if you prepared your own food, you would be able to trust he hadn't laced it with anything. Pizza his way of showing you he was compromising. Grated cheese littered the floor, Rebecca's hands were covered in tomato sauce that she routinely licked off her fingers. She selected only red peppers as her topping as it was her favourite and you wondered how immoral it would be to manipulate her to prefer a new colour. You moved your cloak and daisy chain to your new room, your most treasured possessions, as Rebecca went down for the night, you contemplating starting a fire when Zemo knocked on your door.

“Sunshine,” Zemo said firmly. “I am the prisoner now, I am no stranger to incarceration. I will be either in my room or office and I will seek permission to move between the two.” Zemo looked over your head, seeing that you had not yet made your bed, having only selected some sheets, not even a pillow. He didn’t show any emotion on his face even though you expected disappointment. "I will not encroach on your private space again. Goodnight Sunshine.”

Free roam? Well as much as Zemo could allow and as tempting as it was and as much as you should get a true layout of the house, you knew that opening doors here, just wasn’t in your best interest. You didn’t know what they would lead to, what you would see, you concluded some doors should remain closed. This house, this prison used to be a shelter and yes you would have to ignore what lay beneath. It wasn’t a lie, you weren't swallowing the truth, you knew the basement was just under your feet. Finding yourself in the kitchen, you started to put away the tornado from the pizza’s. Washing the chopping boards, plates, bowls, leaving the knives exactly where they were. There was no reason to rock the boat and honestly you weren't sure if you trusted yourself.

“Sweetheart, You are better than this. These asinine tasks? Don’t-”

“Achievements are achievements, no matter how small.” You told me that.

“Doing the dishes is not an achievement.” Victor growled. Says who? You? Zemo? Bucky? I have to fill the time with something Victor, I’m already halfway to insane. Now you knew there weren't cameras, you could talk out loud, even if were all they would see was you talking to yourself, arguing with yourself, which you felt as if you had been doing all your life. You ewminded Victor that he envied you for your being so adaptive, you had to be again, find a new way to live. If that meant doing the housework then so be it. Even if it could quieten your mind for just ten minutes you would do it. Drying the chopping board, only to realise you didn’t know where it was kept now, the kitchen wasn’t the same. Opening cupboards, pulling out a mixer, a blender, a rolling pin, removing utensils, plates, champagne glasses, whisky tumblers, a slow cooker. Before you knew it every cupboard was empty, you stood amongst the chaos, ready to begin again.

–

“Oh no!”

What's wrong?

Lifting your head with a groan to Rebecca standing in the doorway of the kitchen with her hands over her mouth, hair all messy and a nightie just slightly lopsided. Her golden eyes rounded as she took the scene in. Which meant you had to look at what she could see, you needed more than a second to fully come to your senses, feeling the indented lines from the mixer across your face, you feel asleep hunched over it.

“I’ll clear it up.” You rushed out, half of the contents of the kitchen was still splayed across counters, haphazardly thrown across the island, scattered across the floor.

Zemo didn’t show a single emotion on his face. “No, your task is not completed.” Zemo lifted Rebecca up, carefully took a step into the kitchen. Setting Rebecca down on the island, he picked up the first bowl he laid his eyes on and asked you to pass the cereal, which was in the far corner of the room. Navigating through this mess was easy for you, you had been doing it unknowingly all your life, it was easy for Zemo too as he joined you. “Sunshine, please make this your home. If you need to rearrange the kitchen, anywhere do so. If you need to tear this house apart brick by brick, do so. If you need to flatten cities, I will be by your side."

Unsure that you heard him and not another on of Victor's tirades, you had to check.“You would watch as I flatten cities?”

“No I would show you precisely how to execute such an idea.” Zemo insisted as if he weren't trying to disparage you. Victor’s smile widened significantly, just want you needed Victor in one ear begging you to kill everyone and Zemo in the other handing you a gun. No one is flattening cities. You had both seen and lived the consequences of that. It was a once in a lifetime event. You thrust the cereal into Zemo's chest and he had the nerve to look hurt that you rejected his idea.

“No one is doing that ever again.” You said out loud, ensuring that he understood that it was in no way permission for him to do such a thing either. Zemo gave a weak nod and backed off. Victor opened his mouth to plead with you and you gave him a warning glance as Zemo’s back was turned. “How, how does this house even work? If it is totally off the grid how do you pay for electricity and water?” You asked.

“I siphon it all from a farmer down the road," Zemo said casually, trying to make sense of the tangle in Rebecca’s hair as she ate her cereal sitting crossed legged on the island. His offhandedness about it, that it was completely acceptable to steal and not have it bother him at all. “Ethel and I have an agreement. I purchase her eggs for $500 a piece.” Zemo added. It wasn’t like you could argue, that price was beyond extortion, but then Zemo had a fully functioning house and her silence. Zemo took you over there, Ethel smacked him upside the head, which Zemo responded in kind by smiling politely and handing her a wad of bills.

“I imagine that was a parting gift from Oeznik, he had many more dealings with her.”

You laughed Oeznik was still here, even if it was in the form of putting Zemo back in his place. As Rebecca’s bed time loomed and you dreaded being without her, you pilfered her rest and were rewarded with her cheeky smiles. Stealing a marshmallow from Zemo’s hot chocolate you put a finger to her lips and her eyes dazzled. Purposely looking away you watched Zemo do the same to your hot chocolate out of the corner of your eye, putting his finger to his lips as if he turned a key, to keep Rebecca quiet, which she was incapable of doing. She was snorting to herself, delving into such a fit of giggles, she could barely breathe, tears sprang to her eyes and yours. That was it, right there, your favourite sound in the world, and for a moment, for just one moment, everything felt worth it.

–

You were brutally woken up by a tennis ball to the head, so discombobulated you were shocked you caught the second one only through intuition, through years of Victor's training and conditioning. Holding the bright green ball in your hand, waiting for your mind to comprehend what the hell was going on, you jumped at the clearing of a throat. To see Zemo standing in your doorway, tennis ball in his hand resting at his side. Now your mind had a second to catch up, you recalled the memory of your skin being torn off, a nightmare, one Zemo woke you from, without violating his rule, he would never enter your room. Giving him a weak and embarrassed thank you, you pulled yourself out of bed, ready to wash the sticky sheen of sweat from yourself.

Zemo reminded you to carry our new phone with you and not leave it in the bedroom as Sarah had to call him when you didn’t answer. You didn’t trust that he wasn’t looking at the new phone as he had with the old one, you also hated it because it sent you an alert for every single threat across the globe, something Sarah told you Sam and Bucky’s phone did, to be kept in the loop, Victor talked you though turning those off and they still came. Sarah was only trying to contact you because she said you were making dinner together by video call, accidentally saying it was to fill your time and almost slipping up that you both used to do this together. After Rebecca was settled in for the night both you and Zemo headed to the kitchen, propping up your phone against the coffee machine as it brewed a very late coffee, which Zemo gave you free reign of.

Happy to see Sarah more at ease with you on the small screen, she was just as delighted to see that your eyes weren’t so sullen, that you didn’t look so haggard, that you didn’t have that look in your eyes of wanting to immediately run away. Lasagne was on the menu and you had to remind yourself to not gather all of the ingredients to wait for Sarah’s instruction, patiently waiting for Zemo to begin chopping garlic. You were astounded when he passed you the knife and the chopping board. Unsurprisingly he lingered dangerously close, watching your every move, as if his being this close to a knife and near you wasn’t bad enough, you felt suffocated by him, looking over your shoulder instead of the task at hand. He had encouraged you to tell him what was wrong at any given moment, to point out his failures was his exact wording so you muted yourself from Sarah.

“Rebecca’s asleep, shouldn’t you be in your room?” You reminded Zemo.

“This is a compromise Sunshine, I am only this close to ensure you do not drive that knife into your heart.” Into my heart? Yes you supposed there was always the chance but while on a video call with Sarah? Your eyes flickered to Sarah and Zemo shifted slightly away, not nearly enough, but he did move, chucking a handful more of garlic cloves onto the chopping board. “Garlic is measured by the heart.” Zemo chimed.

“You have one of those?” You jabbed while pointing the knife in his direction, he just smiled fondly at you as Sarah started to tap the screen, she was trying not to do so frantically, but the look in her eye gave her away. Another alert on your phone only caused you to narrow your eyes further.

“Those alerts are to keep you informed, you need to be aware of the goings on in the world.” Zemo stated. He wanted you to be aware now, instead of having the wool pulled over your eyes as before, to give you as much intel as he possibly could. I don’t want to know. “I will have Shuri remove them.” Zemo acquiesced. Taking Sarah off mute, you continued making the dish, whenever the knife was in your possession Zemo struggled not to breathe down your neck, otherwise he let you and Sarah chat, even stretching your leg up to show her, the shoes she got you, putting the dish in the oven you waved Sarah goodbye.

“Could we discuss improvements?” Zemo said uncertainty. What improvements? For lasagne? He added the garlic? No, he meant improvements for you, he still expected you to get better.

“I’m not going to improve.” You starting taking it back as soon as you saw the rise of his eyebrows. “I mean, of course I can, just tell me what to do.”

“The improvements are for me Sunshine. Your well being is paramount to me.” Zemo said solemnly at your reaction, the instantaneous fear response that you couldn't quite shake. “Your efforts do not go unnoticed.” Zemo said, trying to steer to conversation away from anything that might send you into a spiral. “In a few days I will need to fetch supplies, is there anything you need?”

“Who is staying with us?” You asked, ready to prepare yourself for a new guest, a new person who would be witness to your screams in the middle of the night. You couldn’t be left alone, you were a liability, a risk to everyone, including Rebecca.

Zemo’s eyebrows pinched. “I am quite talented at reading people, I know that if anything were to happen you would guard Rebecca with your life. Do not let your insecurities cloud your ability to care for her. My only concern is that you will be alone with the thoughts that plague you, I will retrieve the necessities during the day.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” You voiced and Zemo opened his mouth to argue, closing it shut rapidly seeing that you weren't ready, you weren't sure if you ever would be.

“The secondary fridge is well stocked,” Before you could ask where that was, Zemo answered, “Behind the blanket storage.” Zemo smiled ruefully. A fridge? Not a torture chamber? That did sound like something Zemo would do, you saw the insane lengths he went to in Louisiana, that he built a house underneath the actual house, you could all probably live down there for a few months, probably live here for a few years, given the chance, that was more than like Zemo’s ideal, in one place that couldn't be penetrated, he would call it safe, even if it was a prison.

“Sorry, it must feel like you are taking care of two children.” You said sadly. Zemo didn’t respond to that, not yet anyway. He slid a plastic card over to you, untraceable you presumed. “I don’t want your money.”

“The funds in this account did not come from me, they came from a woman called Pepper Potts.”

You choked on thin air, Pepper Potts, wife of Tony Stark Pepper Potts? Composing yourself, you had to maintain an air of ignorance. You were not supposed to know who either of those people were. Zemo refrained from rubbing your back, to get you through the small trembling coughs that were still spluttering from you.

“Financial freedom, or at the very least an attempt of it, I tried to be diligent in..” Zemo trailed off. “Pepper and I had a video conference, she is aware of your situation. She watched her husband torment himself, believing he was the only one capable of protecting the world. She understands that desire to shield, to conserve.. Sunshine just take it.” Zemo sighed. The desire to shield, like Tony had with the world, for his daughter Morgan, for his wife Pepper. The same burning need Zemo felt to protect you and Rebecca. Zemo reminded Pepper of Tony, that must have been a difficult conversation. You were shocked Pepper even agreed to talk to Zemo. You asked for her number to thank her, which you did by text. You doubted you would ever get a response, Pepper exiled herself and lived a life of seclusion, just as you were doing. Not that you ever needed to use the money, you knew Zemo well enough to know he would make sure you didn't need to.

“Two children?” Zemo wondered aloud, looking into the darkness outside. “One is astounding, the very embodiment of how I know that somewhere in my depraved life, I did one thing right. See’s the good in everyone, sometimes I believe she is too pure for this world.” Zemo said sadly, his thumb stroking the back of his golden wedding band. “The very reason I wish the world would change its heart, so she doesn’t have to change for it.” Zemo said wistfully, it was the perfect way to describe Rebecca. Zemo looked directly at you. “And the other one is sleeping upstairs.”

“I’m not like that.” Not anymore.You said blinking back the burn from the tears forming in your eyes, heartbroken that Zemo had any faith left in you at all.

“I have a gut feeling you were born that way.”

Next Part: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31451681/chapters/119611552

[azritesx3]

Coming Down - Lucifer & F!Reader

Anon: Hey I don't know if you do fics based on songs ( im kinda new here after suddenly thirsting for Lucifer— ) But I was wondering if you could a Lucifer x Reader based on ‘Coming Down’ by Halsey? Maybe this had been done, I don't really know. Nothing specific just whatever speaks to you if you do make this! Thank you!!

Description: You married a religious man to get away from the abusers. Who knew that he'd not only turn out to be one too, but that your savior would call himself the Devil and you agree to be his lover?

Rating: Mature Warning(s): Domestic Abuse, Implied Smut, Fluff, Angst, Angst but with a Happy Ending

AO3, FanfictionNet, Wattpad, DeviantArt

--------------------------------------------

Tighter and tighter. Cold hands on your throat.

"Why won't you just do what God made you for?!" John, your loving Christian husband, hisses. His hair falls in front of his face as he leans over you on the bed.

You claw at his hands. Your eyes begin to water. Cold sweat drops from his brow and falls into your agape mouth.

This was it. This was finally it.

"LAPD! Open the door!" John whips his head up, then snarls back down at you. He releases his hold and slaps you hard across the face, almost knocking you out.

Thinking he knocked you out.

You listen to him walk down the hall and open the door. There's chatter, and you hear people walking in. You hear footsteps coming back towards you.

"Excuse me sir, please don't go in the bedroom! My wife is sleeping." You hear John call out.

"Detective! A 'home search' is searching the entire home, correct?" A different voice calls out in the hall, a British voice. You don't hear it, but the British voice gets a reply, "As I thought. I shall ever be a gentleman around your wife."

"Please take no offense, sir. I was simply weary because-"

"Of my name, yes?" You hear footsteps enter the bedroom and the British voice becomes loud and clear, "Your decor taste is quite poor."

You listen intently as the new man looks around the space. His last stop is coming to your side of the bed. He doesn't look at you.

Please.

Before he leaves your sight you manage to grab hold of the man's finger. He stops and finally looks down at you. You pull on his finger and he kneels down to face you.

"Sir please-"

"Shut up." The man says to your husband. He stares at your face, taking in your red cheek, dry lips, and tear streaks.

You move your mouth, but your voice is too dry to make a sound. You mouth:

Help me.

"Detective! It seems the call in on violence was correct!" The man calls out. He stands and starts to gather you in his arms.

"Don't you dare-" John is cut off by a punch to the back of his neck and knees, making him fall face first on the floor.

"You're under arrest for domestic abuse." A woman's voice says. In the man's arms you see her cuff your husband.

You begin to cry again.

"Hey now, darling." Voice so soft. You look up at the man. His eyes are sparkling and his smile is comforting, "Rest now, dear. You're safe."

--------------------------------------------

"A toast, darling!" Lucifer cheers. He raises his wine glass and gives you a bright smile. You laugh and follow his lead, "To one marvelous year of being together!"

"And to being free!" You add in. Both of you cling your glasses together and take a sip. You begin to giggle causing a sly smile to pull across Lucifer's lips and a perfectly teased brow to raise, "Penny for your thoughts, my dear?"

You continue to giggle, "Oh, just thinking of the irony of all this."

"Oh?" Lucifer smiles and takes hold of your empty hand across the table. He kisses the top of it, "Do tell."

"Oh you know," you blush at his actions and smile joyfully, "Being abused by a Christian husband for many years, only to be saved by a man who calls himself the Devil and having a better life with him."

Lucifer chuckles softly, then turns your wrist to kiss your palm, "A beautiful irony indeed."

After the celebration dinner he takes you to his lavish hotel suite in Las Vegas, and enjoys the wonderful dessert between your legs. You sigh in bliss and relish in the pleasure, the feeling of real love. You thank God for sending you such a savior, even if he does claim to be the Devil.

No one's perfect, after all.

--------------------------------------------

It was true. Everything he said was true. He didn't lie, after all.

And now here you are, in a room that was now being swarmed with demon possessed dead humans.

They crowd around you and Lucifer, taking hold of you to pull you away from him. You scream and reach out to Lucifer. He stretches his arm too you, but the demons keep a strong hold against you. You watch his arm fall, and despite the shock on his face, you see a painful decision cross his eyes.

He turns from you and stands on the stage. He releases his full Devil form, causing his shirt to tear off. The demons around you stand frozen and look up to their King. You do the same, memorized by the scarred beauty.

"YOU DO NOT BELONG HERE. GO HOME!" Lucifer yells to them, and they listen. The bodies fall instantly.

You stay standing and just watch as Lucifer returns to his normal self. He studies your face. After regaining yourself tears well up in your eyes and you run up to him. He lifts you in his arms and cradles your body against his.

Back at the penthouse, after what you learned too late was one final night of passion, he tells you he loves you and returns to Hell to keep you, all of earth, safe.

--------------------------------------------

You've been a broken soul ever since that night.

Every day after sleepless nights you wake to see your Lightbringer's sun rise, and pray for his return. Every night you pray that when you wake it won't be alone. That he'll be with you once more to watch his star rise together.

Years pass. The prayers don't work.

You now lay in a hospital bed, not very old but with a heart so broken it can't last any longer. You and Lucifer's friends surround your death bed, and cry when you let your heart shatter completely.

You wake in a sort of limbo space, in a queue with other dead souls. You teleport to the front of the line and are in the presence of the Angel of Death.

She looks at you somber, "You died far too early."

You stare back at the angel, "I couldn't take it any longer."

The angel nods, "You're destined for Heaven-"

"No!" You interrupt her, "No, please. He cannot be with me there! Please, send me to Hell instead!"

She looks confused, "But you are guilty of nothing. You'd be tortured for nothing."

"Being without him even in death would be torture itself." The angel studies you. Then looks up where a blinding light shines down on her. She closes her eyes and seems to listen to the light.

The light disappears, and she looks back at you, "Very well."

The next moment you are in a dark, hot space. Around you are stone black pillars with doors etched into them. Some doors were chained up, some unlocked but shook from inside.

"Y/N?"

Your breath hitches at your name being called by the voice you loved and missed so much. You look behind you to see Lucifer in the same suit he wore when he left, but he looked older in the eyes. Hell affects every being.

You run and embrace him. He returns the embrace hesitantly, "You shouldn't be here, love."

"I cannot be in a place without you anymore, Lucifer." You move back slightly so you can look him in the eyes. Your tearful eyes shine with joy and you smile at him, "You are my savior. The one I made into my own personal religion." You cup his now tear streaked face, "I love you, Lucifer Morningstar."

He embraces you back with just as much passion and kisses you passionately. He then buries his head in your neck, "I love you too, Y/N, and I've missed you terribly."

You scratch the back of his neck lightly and whisper, "So, you're not angry that I chose to be here?"

He laughs in your neck, something he hasn't done in thousands of years, "Are you kidding?" He removes himself from you and smiles while getting down on one knee, "I have my Queen with me again. How could I be mad over that?"

You laugh in joy and tackle him to the cold, yet hot, cracked ground. You both stay like that. Crying and laughing together at your eternal partnership.

[yanderepuck]

please don't hurt yourself. if it would help distract you i would love to hear about your ocs and their interactions with each other/the residents. I know you've already done so many, but they are always so interesting to hear.

I fell asleep like minutes before this. But I can never pass an opportunity to talk about my OCs.

Oddly enough I had a dream about Nicoleta last night.

But I don't think I've ever talked about Nadya. Mainly bc she has a vv tragic backstory. A good bit of my OCs come from dreams that I've had, and I wake up like I LOVE THAT IDEA. With Nadya I know she was in a dream, but I wish I knew wtf I did before going to sleep bc of all the shit that happened

~~~~~

Nadya is a werecat. She is what I call a Dimidium or a Dimidietas to be more specific. She has animal and human traits and the animal she represents is a Snow Leopard. She has fur covering parts of her body, but if she is fully clothed, besides her tail and ears she looks human. But she does have cat eyes and long claws.

When she was little she made friends with a human named Enzo. now Humans and Dimidiums don't really get along. Humans see them as lessers since they are part animal and treat them as such.

But Enzo just saw her as another kid and wanted to be friends with her and to play. But as they got older they drifted apart because he had more responsibilities for his village.

Side note: they live in snowy mountains and its roughly 10th century

They went two years without seeing each other. and when they did meet back up Nadya kissed him. Enzo knew this was bad, and that he can't be seen around her, but turned out he had feelings for her too.

They started meeting up again nearly everyday after that. Then Nadya came up with the idea of her moving in with Enzo in the village. Obvs that isn't a good idea. But they were both turning 18 soon, and Enzo was expected to get married and start a family. Nadya explained that she can trim the fur on her tail and body, and she was sure she could somehow hide her ears. But even doing that, there were still her eyes, her cat eyes.

Well, they made it work and even got married. They got their own place which made it easier on Nadya. She didn't always have to wear something on her head to hide her ears, or have to be ontop of trimming her fur. Normally she would hunt for herself, but instead she was in charge of cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. She stayed inside most days and couldn’t even bring up the idea of going hunting with Enzo. This didn’t bother her at first, but as years went by it was eating at her that she couldn’t do anything.

After 10 years of being married and Nadya not aging, she was becoming unhappy. She realized she can't live around humans. She brought up the idea of him being turned into a dimidium, (it is similar to the werewolf lore of getting bit and getting turned) but he wasn't sure if he wanted that.

As one can guess this broke her heart, he asked her if he could thinking about it, but she ended up leaving in the middle of the night. She went farther into the mountains than she ever did more, questioning if he ever even loved her. She was willing to do whatever she could to be with him, but he wouldn't do that same?

She should have known better than to get lost in her thoughts when she didn't know the area, she ended up getting stuck in a trap.

more in the undercut bc there are mentions of SA

The man who trapped her kept her drugged so she couldn't use her full strength. He kept her nails short so that she couldn't cut him. He kept her chained to the wall on a leash so there was no way she would be able to leave.

She refused to break and kept fighting him. He told her that he's now her master and she's his slave, but there was no way she was going to let that happened.

Everytime she tried to attack him, he would beat her. She refused to give up, but with being drugged it didn't take much to take her down. She threatens to kill him and she just gets pulled by her hair and beat more.

She wouldn't take any of his shit and always tried to fight back, until the day he violated her. She still didn't give up, but that day she realized what he was really capable of.

It was like that everyday for 8 months. She sat in a dark unlit room, naked, with only small beams of light coming through the cracks of the door. During that last month it was safe to say she was broken. She stopped trying to fight back. She didn't get beat as much due to that.

Because she had been such a good girl he decided to take her out with him. She was on a leash being led through the market where there were plenty of others being treated just like her. Suddenly she felt her tail being pulled and instinctively spun around and clawed it. It happened to be a little boy, who was now on the ground, his cheek gushing blood.

Needless to say she got beat in the middle of the market and taken right back to her room. She tried to fight back again. Her claws grew back since the man was no longer trimming them she she wasn't attacking him any longer, he lost track of how much time passed.

~~~

More months went by. When she didn't think beatings could get worse, they did. Her wounds didn't even have enough time to heal. Covered in blood and bruises. She hasn't been bothered in a few days, which has given her time to rest, but she can hear the screams from others in the house. She didn't know there was anyone else around.

Turns out that other scream came from Enzo. Only a few days after Nadya left he ran into a dimiduim in the mountains and begged to be turned. He was looking for her for over a year and he also got caught. He learned that mortals capture and sell dimidiums in a slave trade. The only reason why Nadya hasn't been sold is because she hasn't been broken.

But a few days after the two reunited they were sold. They were in separate cages in the same carriage. Turns out a King bought them to be servants in the castle. But there was more. They wanted to get the women pregnant so that they could have children born into the slave trade and have less animal instincts, hoping to sort of domesticate them.

Obvs Nadya did not want to go along with this, but Enzo explained to her that the only reason why he is, is because she won't be in danger. She reluctantly agrees and just tells him to be gentle with her.

Even with being pregnant, Nadya is still hit around and occasionally raped. She can tell she isn't getting it as badly as the other women. Rumor has it that they will kill you here if you don't obey.

Nadya follows the King around. She did get to see more of the kingdom than most and was able to go into locked off sections of the castle.

~~~~

Now I'm sure you are wondering how she gets out of this. She's had to deal with this for 3, nearly 4 years. This ties into the story with Ambrosia and Abigor.

As stated, she has been able to go to locked off sections. One of these sections include where mortals do experiments on transcendents, which in short is basically any supernatural being.

They were trying to figure out how to kill them, since they all have different kinds of weaknesses. Ambrosia and Abigor got themselves captured on purpose so that they could finally find the location of this place and save everyone. The two happened to underestimate the mortals in charge of the project however.

Nadya happened to see Ambrosia, who she thought was just a dead body tied to a table. Ambrosia was weakened, but still alive and jumped back into consciousness when Nadya touched her.

Turns out the two didn't even know what dimidiums were, so if Nadya hadn't been there in that moment they wouldn't have been saved at all.

Abigor happened to kill the King and they were all able to get out.

That is sorta where I have Nadya's story ended bc then it goes much into Ambrosia and Abigor and what they do.

But that's Nadya. If you happened to read all of this.....sorry for the trauma

[koukuron]

Kuron Mukami (無神 クロン)

Kuron Mukami (無神 クロン Mukami Kuron) is the fifth member of the Mukami household. He is a Idol in the human world as a full time job.

Kanji: 無神 クロン Rōmaji: Mukami Kuron Birthday: June 20th Sign: Gemini Age: 19-21 (physically) Status: Alive Race: Vampire Werecat Hybrid Gender: Male Height: 178 cm (5′10) Weight: 73 kg (160.94  lb) Blood Type: O Hair Color: Dark Greyish Purple (Graphite) Eye Color: Burgundy (Contact Lens: Emerald)  Occupation: Idol Household: Ruki (owner) Yuma (godbrother) Azusa (godbrother) Kou (Significant Other) Hobbies: Reading Favorite Food: Lasagna

Appearance

Kuron has a delicate face that almost seems feminine. His hair is dyed in the gradient color of the darker value of dark graphite to maroon, to pastel pink and its permed in big waves and is styled to draped over his left side of shoulder, a dark grey bow with a diamond at the centre is attached to the back of his hair resembling a pair of cat ears, elongated strands of maroon ribbon with diamond details on the laces that reaches down to his spine is draped over the right side of his shoulder. His eyes are artificially bright emerald with dilated dark purple pupils overall resembling a feline of its thrilled state; while his actual eye color is actually burgundy in color. He wears a specific black cat ear hook with a silver dangling chain that connects the black cat and hook, another chain that hangs by the cat’s tail and dangles with a ruby red diamond on its end.  

He usually wears a getup of a dark maroon sleeveless inner dress shirt with fur on the sleeves along with an abnormally goth black tie with its end dangling by his waistband, outside he wears a custom tailored vest with the hardly noticeable lace sewn patterns of roses and special half translucent laces that drape over his elbows, and uncommon darker maroon sleeves with squared shaped holes at the hems. He wears matching trousers with a golden chain belt wrapped around his waistband and two balls of chain dangling, three distinct black lace layers sewn on the lower part, overall paired together with a pair of black breaches with its inside being maroon. On his palms he wears a pair of dark grey gloves, around his right wrist, he has on a golden bracelet with tiny stars and around his neck, he wears a dark grey collar with a dangling long end with a silver bell attached to it. 

His signature idol outfit contains a dark maroon tight long sleeves shirt with the picture of a dark cat with diamond eyes and red bow on its ribbon, and beside it, four visible scratch marks. The upper arms part  being a gape sewn with fishnets, Outside he wears a sleeveless short fur coat with crimson red strings connecting the v shaped collar. Below he wears a pair of above knees black shorts with a thin maroon belt. Outside a bigger dark grey belt that connects a burgundy fur coated half skirt, with dangling black cats and a fishbone chain that is connected to the belt. He also has a pair of black stockings in which he rolled down until his knees that he wears with the dark brown heeled beaches, with the right one having a bow attached to it. His usual hairstyle is altered slightly with his front bangs tied back and clipped with a dark grey bow that also resembles cat ears alike. 

Personality

He appears stoic at first, however he’s quick to lighten up in the mood, depending on the situations. He’s usually friendly otherwise charming. He can also be pretty playful and sarcastic at times. And is deemed to have a cat like attitude, and moods.

He’s actually very short tempered, quick to anger especially when one doesn’t appreciate one of his ‘goodness’. However he’s quite skilled at maintaining a composed charisma, and try to resolve any matters as calmly as possible.

He is a Do-S, but this side is rarely displayed towards the outsiders, but more towards Kou. 

History

-N/A-

Relationships

Family

Despite being an individual that was formerly not part of the Mukami household. However in time, he was accepted and then considered as one of them, thus existing as the fifth member of the household, acted as three specific identities in the family: One being their domestic house cat that behaves like an actual feline and enjoys sleeping on their lap or being lured to play with toys or simply to entertain the brothers, Second being the knight and protector of the household, being born as a powerful descendant of the first blood and pure blooded vampire hybrid, this provides him the advantage to keep the family safe and unharmed from the other vampires or attacks as he takes form of a big cat puma and fends off every danger that the family encounters. Third being the illegally married significant other to the fourth brother of the house, Kou, as the relationship was kept as low profile as possible from the knowledge of the society for the sake of their personal reputation and career means.  Familiars

Three Mystical Creatures that are particularly close to Kuron and often act under his commands, whom occasionally resides with him in the Mukami Mansion. (tbc...) Ryu Fuunosuke 

Kuron’s nightmare of an identity which still haunts him till these days. His three years worth relationship of toxic partner that had brought scarring impacts in his soul and had changed his point of views in the aspects within his life. (tbc...)

Amethyst Kurohime

Kuron’s former girlfriend and ex- fiancée. They have a history of a romantic relationship worth almost a year together until it was destroyed by Kou. The unplanned for marriage was canceled and the engagement was withdrawn as a final point of their connection. 

Kou Mukami

Kuron’s present husband who he refers to as ‘Master’. They have a heartwrenching history together that was first led by the bond of a rivalry, then best friends/roommates, and a few mishaps that eventually led to forced apart broken friendship which did not meet the conciliation of Kou. In the long run as their relationship started to grow worse later as Kou finds out that Kuron has been taken and thus settle to a serious dating with a girl named, Amethyst. 

Abilities

Like all vampires, he has an inhuman strength as well as increased speed,(more than a pure born vampire), increased vision, hearing and smell, teleportation and heals at an accelerated rate.

Shapeshifting

Being a werecat, Kuron is given the ability to transform to either a domestic home cat or a big cat species puma given any time he desires upon his very own free will. 

Telekinesis

An underrated skill of vampire species which he uses more commonly to control objects. 

Trivia

He claimed himself to be gay yet is actually bisexual

He refers Kou as Master and Ruki as Owner

He refers newcomers as little one (Shou-Sha)

In terms of age, he is the oldest and considered adult among the household

His foot size is 27 cm.

He likes taking form of a feline for easy access or escape .

He absolutely adores kittens (koneko)

He obsesses over lasagne, cod fish and salmon

He enjoys shopping especially for fashion

He feels underestimated by taller newcomers

He’s very forward with his motives and actions and won’t likely hesitates to do something

He can be sexist

[crmsfanfiction]

Second Chances-Chapter 7

Author’s Note: I should have posted this number a couple chapters ago, but this is the number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). If you or anyone you know need help please contact this number.  

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Chapter 7: Picking Up The Pieces

The next morning found Willa checking out of the hotel after applying some make-up to try and minimize the bruises around her eyes and nose. She had sent Sebastian down to go get the car and wait for her a couple blocks away. She was not about to have him photographed by a fan with her looking like she did. That would not be a good look for his career, to be labeled an abuser. He had taken the rest of the pizza with him, they would give it to Becca and David for lunch, while she packed and he waited.

“You’re still here? I figured you’d be gone by now. Did your replacement not show up?.” Willa said to the poor girl behind the counter. She looked dead on her feet.

“No. Someone is coming in a couple more hours to relieve me, but until then it is just me.” the girl said wearily.

“I’m sorry, but I want to say thank you for not making a fuss over my appearance last night. I know I looked awful.” Willa said as she sent a quick text to Baz to go grab breakfast and coffee for the girl.

“No thanks necessary. I looked the same the night I left my abuser. I was thankful no one asked me about it then either. If you need resources here is a number to call. They can help. They helped me.” the girl said as she slid a card over with a number on it. Willa smiled and took it. She wasn’t sure she would need it, but she’d keep it. Her phone buzzed as Baz texted her letting her know he had the food.

“Thank you. I’m glad you are safe now. Have a good day.” Willa said as she walked away and out the door. She met Sebastian and grabbed the food. “Be right back.” She said as she walked back to the hotel and handed the girl the coffee and donuts. “It’s the least we could do. Hopefully this helps keep you going until your replacement get here.”

Willa left the hotel again and walked back to Sebastian’s rental car and slid into the passenger seat. He knew how to get to Becca and David’s house. They had gone to their housewarming when they bought the place in 2005. They had just started dating and it was his first time meeting her friends. Smiling Willa sunk into the memory.

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November 2005

“Come on Baz! It will be fun. You’ll love my friends. They will love you.” Willa said as she stood in front of her boyfriend of two months. Luckily they had the weekend off, so it was perfect timing for Becca and David’s house warming. They’d called her and asked her to come if she could. It was a small get together with some old friends from high school and college. Willa promised to try and be there. When she found out they had the weekend off from filming, she had convinced Baz into coming with her to Ohio.

He had been reluctant to come, but she was pretty damn convincing and he found himself in a hotel room in downtown Columbus two weeks later. “I don’t know. We haven’t been dating long. Are you sure we should do this?”

“We aren’t getting married Baz! We are going to a house warming party with my friends, who will all love you.” Willa said with a laugh. She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. “I’ll make you a deal, come and if you hate it we will leave in an hour. Give me an hour please?” she turned her face up to his, pleading clear in her eyes. He sighed and dropped a kiss on her lips. He knew he was doomed. “Deal. Let’s finish getting ready.”

Willa grinned and pulled him in for a longer kiss before heading for the bathroom to finish putting on her make-up and shoes. It was a nice day in Ohio for being nearly winter. They headed downstairs and out to the parking lot to get into their rental car. Willa typed in the address into their GPS and sat back as Baz navigated traffic.

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“Remember the first time we came here?” Willa asked as she looked over at Sebastian. He grinned back at her. “I sure do. I was nervous to meet your friends, but turns out they were just like you and I loved them all.”

“I told you. I remember having a deal of only staying an hour if you hated it. That was a fun night. We got drunk that night.” Willa said wistfully as Sebastian pulled into the driveway. Becca ran out of the house as soon as the car was parked and pulled open Willa’s door and engulfed her into a hug. Willa winced, but hugged her friend back just as tightly. Becca needed the physical proof she was OK and alive and Willa needed it just as much. David shook Sebastian’s hand as they walked back into the house leaving the women outside hugging and crying.

“Hey Seb. It’s good to see you again. I wondered if it was you that she called. Glad to see you guys are talking again.” David said as he lead Seb into the kitchen. He gestured to a stool at the kitchen island and pulled out two more coffee cups and poured Seb a cup. He slid it over to him and took a sip from his own. Seb nodded and took a sip.

“So what are we doing about Tony?” Seb asked David. He knew the look in David’s eyes matched his own. David grinned and told Seb exactly what they were going to do to him while the girls were packing up. Seb nodded in agreement and felt a weight lifted off his shoulders. He couldn’t protect Willa from it happening, but he’d be damned if he didn’t prevent it from happening to her or any other women again. It was also nice to know that Willa’s friends didn’t hate his guts for what he did.

Becca and Willa walked into the kitchen a short while later as Seb and David were chatting about their lives over the past few years. Becca gave Seb a smile as she headed to stand next to her husband and Willa sat next to Sebastian. “When does your plane leave?” Becca asked as she picked up her coffee cup and took a drink.

“5 pm.” Seb said as he looked at his phone. He had several missed calls and texts from Margarita. Sighing he texted her to let her know he’d call her in a little bit. He put his phone back in his pocket as Willa and Becca headed for the spare room to get packing. David gestured to the outside and Seb nodded and stood up. “Becca I’m taking Seb to the store with me. We need a few things. This way you girls can talk without us around.” David called up the stairs to his wife. They called back to be safe and they would see them later.

David and Seb left in David’s car to not draw attention to Sebastian. They drove over to Willa’s old house and parked a couple blocks down and headed for the back door. David knew Willa kept a spare key outside in a fake brick. He grabbed it and they let themselves into the house. They headed for the second floor and the master bedroom. They noticed the door was open, so they looked inside to see Tony sleeping with two blondes sleeping next to him.

Seb looked at David and shook his head. They would love to kick the shit of out him, but not with two witnesses. They left the way they came and drove to the store to grab what David really did need back at the house. “Too bad he wasn’t alone.” Seb said as they walked back outside after buying what they needed.

“I know, but he can’t be surrounded 24/7. I’ll keep and eye out and let you know what happens. He won’t get away with hurting Willa. She deserves so much better than that.” David said as they drove up to his house. They got out and headed back inside as Becca and Willa were putting the last suitcase by the door. Willa headed back to the spare room to grab her final small carry-on bag that had her passport and other important papers in it. She didn’t want to leave them behind. Looking around the room once more She spotted the black box she’d asked Becca to get for her. She closed the door to the bedroom and pulled the box towards her. She hadn’t looked in it since Baz left her. The day after he’d left is the last time she’d seen what was inside.

She opened the lid and riffled through it pushing past the pictures and movie tickets and letters and notes until her fingers wrapped around a small velvet box. She pulled it out and opened it up. It was still a beautiful as the last time she’d seen it. Pulling out the necklace Willa held it up to her neck. It was a beautiful pink moonstone, which was totally her style all those years ago. If she was honest it still was. She put it back into the box and closed the lid. She could still remember when she’d found it after he’d left.  

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November 2006

Willa was still in shock as she packed her stuff up to leave. There was no way he’d said what he’d said. He couldn’t have just stopped loving her. He was supposed to be her forever. Now her forever was shattered and broken, like her heart. She packed up all the clothes she’d left at his place and her personal products. She’d went around and grabbed all the photos of their time together that she could find. While it hurt to much to look at them now, maybe someday she’d look back and smile. She pulled down a box that he’d given her for valentines day that year. She’d put odd and end in it. Movie tickets and notes from him and letters. Opening it she put in all the pictures and her hand brushed against a velvet box. She pulled it out swallowing hard. It couldn’t be what she thought it was. He wouldn’t have brought her a ring this soon into their relationship.

Shaking as she lifted the box from it’s resting place she slowly opened it and nearly cried in relief. It was a beautiful pink moonstone on a silver chain. Just a necklace. Not a ring. Pulling it out of the box she held it up to her neck and admired it for a minute. She placed it back in it’s box and nearly set it back down on the bed, but changed her mind as she put it back in the bigger box and closed the lid. She’d never wear it, but she would keep it as a reminder of him.

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Willa put the black box back into the closet and closed the door. She wasn’t about to open up those memories again. It was too painful still. Especially seeing Baz again and being in his life as a friend. She wasn’t sure how she was going to do this. It was still hard to not want to slip right back into being his girlfriend and loving him. She’d heard someone once refer to him as a puppy and she agreed wholeheartedly with the description. He was like a puppy. Happy, eager to please, and loved to snuggle. She missed snuggling with him, but that could never happen again. She still needed to pick up the broken pieces of her and glue herself back together.

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