#optional task
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this or that
1. Scary pumpkin or Cute pumpkin 2. Creepy dolls or Creepy clown 3. Skeletons or Zombies 4. Trick or Treat 5. Broom or Wand 6. Ghosts are real or Ghosts are fake 7. Halloween party or Scary movie 8. Face mask or Face paint 9. Scary pumpkin carve or cute pumpkin carve 10. Scary costume or Funny costume 11. Hannibal Lector or Norman Bates 12. Warlock or Werewolf 13. Abducted by aliens or Turned into a zombie 14. Black cat or Orange cat 15. Michael or Jigsaw 16. Mummy or Grim Reaper 17. Chocolate or Gummies 18. Take two or Take the whole bowl 19. Monster cookies or Eyeball punch 20. Give out candy or Turn off your lights 21. Gory films or Thrillers 22. Heros or Villains 23. Orange or Black 24. Bat or Owl 25. Halloween parade or Halloween photoshoot 26. Dracula or Frankenstein 27. Candy or Popcorn ball 28. Hocus Pocus or The Nightmare Before Christmas 29. Corn maze at night or During the day 30. Freddy or Jason 31. Last one alive or First one to die 32. Cute decorations or Scary decorations 33. Morticia Addams or Elvira 34. Halloween handmade crafts or Store bought crafts 35. Big pumpkin or Small pumpkin 36. Warm Halloween night or Chilly Halloween night 37. Trick-or-treat or Hand out candy 38. Sleep in a cemetery or Sleep in an abandoned house 39. Scary stories or Ouiji board 40. Pumpkin seeds or Pumpkin pie 41. Go all out on your costume or Go basic 42. Paint your pumpkin or Carve your pumpkin 43. Witches or Demons 44. Ghost or Mummy 45. Reese's or Hershey's 46. Fog machine or Spooky sounds 47. Friday the 13th or 'It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown 48. Homemade costume or Store-bought costume 49. Haunted hayride or Haunted house 50. Werewolf or Vampire 51. Skeptical or Superstitious 52. Fake blood or Fake spiders 53. Always hiding or Frequently jumpy 54. Sees ghosts or Good at screaming 55. Goodbye October or Stay spooky 56. Good witch or Bad witch 57. Beetlejuice or The Addams Family 58. Trunk or Treat or Fall Festival 59. Good or Evil 60. Chucky or Annabelle
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— a Halloween moodboard 🎃
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I write fragile on a dozen boxes salvaged from recycling I forgot to take out before I knew I was moving and my hand shakes even more each time. The lines bleed off the box corners and into me. I'm fragile, you see.
#poem#poetry#spilled ink#spilled thoughts#long story short i have made choices in my life such that my only option when i hit this present juncture#was to move home and i am not handling the lack of choice well#in my first year living here especially i bought beautiful fragile things because i love beautiful fragile things and because i thought#i was on the path that my next move would be my last one. i was going to buy a home and that would be it and i'd only need to pack up#my whole life once more and so i could justify the vintage vases and such. but the past couple of years have been brutal on me#and i've made choices that i stand by and choices that i don't and now i'm moving home and it's less than ideal but i'll make it work#perhaps this is short story long#anyway. before i first moved in my roommate texted me from home depot because she and her boyfriend were at home depot#and i was at work at the time. and she wanted to know what color i wanted my room because they were gonna paint my room that day#and i didn't have time to make a decision and she's an artist with a great eye so i sent her my pinterest decor board and said maybe a gree#like this kind of green? and she got this gorgeous green reminiscent of a paris green that looks amazing with all my art on the walls#but i just had to take the art down. i'm in the middle of the task actually. and now it's just this big green expanse#and i'm not feeling so good about leaving this place#but the way i felt so safe and so loved when i got that text and when i got here and saw that the room was painted bc they wanted me to sta#the past few years have been not so good in a lot of ways like i said but this place was an island of peace for me when things were rough#anyway. fragile. thanks for listening
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hate hitting the point in doing a thing where you're 90% done but the last 10% is a wall because it's about refining everything you've done prior
tedious!!! don't want to!!!! someone take the last bit and make it pretty!!!!! and finished!!!!!!!! please!!!!!!!!!!!
#stirring up trouble#wish i had money to get someone else to polish my shit...#the amt of almost-done-just-needs-refining shit i have sitting on the back burner is so frustrating#writing I'll probably never clean up bc realistically i need a proper editor to tell me whats not clicking#art that shouldve seen the light of day literal years ago buried in a wip folder. not *quite* done enough to send/post/etc#sitting down to handle my backlog and getting choice paralysis from the sheer amt of stuff i wanna finish so none of it gets done#and then just end up making a spreadsheet or to-do list i'll never reference again. or staring at tumblr. or laying in bed rotting.#literally sat down to do one thing the other day and instead made a spreadsheet that converts eorzean calendar dates to gregorian dates#and added a section for calculating character birth years based on their namedays and ages when ARR started#i had to stop taking half my adhd meds bc my blood pressure was out of control and correlated with severe pain. but the tradeoff is rough.#bc now my brain just. does not fucking do shit it WAS doing with those meds. but my blood pressure was BAD.#so my options are like. struggle to finish tasks. or have a heart attack/stroke (either bc of blood pressure or anxiety abt blood pressure).#the weather lately has also kinda been hell on my head and joints so im Extra not getting shit done. exhausting.
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Sketchbook posting bc otherwise you'd think I didn't know the rest of the 141 exist LOL
#they do exist but gaz is my one and only..#but keroppi is the only one who wears clothes so hes either over dressed or naked those were my options#wish i hadnt drawn that first one over the green sketches but i didnt realise id love it so much!! 😭#also sanrio 141 i worked very hard on the choices#and then soapgaz has a special place in my heart like i think theyre insane together#hobbyssketches#my art#task force 141#kyle gaz garrick#soapgaz#soapgazghost#sort of ?? a smooch
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am i turning my life around or am i just having a manic episode
#internship mentor for this summer asked if id be interested in a longer-term project with their lab continuing into my senior year#i got really excited and asked if i could do a thesis (which id given up on bc im not in a lab at my school) and that is an option#and now ive asked my fav prof to be my on-campus advisor and we're gonna have a zoom meeting and ill sign up for indepedent study credits#and ive mostly picked my classes for the coming semester and im SO EXCITED. maybe TOO excited#like yes im passionate about my field and my work but ive had a total mood shift. mayhaps my awful therapist was right abt the bipolar#been doing sooo many tasks lately. reaching out to ppl i hadnt spoken to in a while. not sleeping much#ugh. when everything goes right for me i get suspicious
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Was looking up the lotf graphic novel to get a ref for the uniforms and

:((( he’s so small, baby even
#damn bro is like infantial#anyways this task was fruitless because the uniforms are different in EVERY FUCKING ADAPTATION.#so I’m just using the uniform I gathered from reading it (button ups#grey sweater and optional caps. Like the only solid thing is they have shorts)#lord of the flies
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😶
#random personal stuff#personal whining ahead feel free to ignore#kind of struggling right now (what else is new)#I was up past three last night having A Crisis#I'm burned out and I know why I'm burned out#but there's no good solution#and on top of that there's some shame and the ever-present need to Restrain just how awful I am#(ha! this time I will have proof for my counselor that I am in fact the worst and I'm not just making that up)#there aren't any viable other life options & who knows if I wouldn't just be exchanging one struggle for another (worse?) one if I tried#the current situation is stagnant and sucking out my soul#people keep telling me to do A Thing for it to improve but it costs money and energy that the current situation isn't leaving me much of#and I don't even know if The Thing is really what I want anyway even if I could do it#I went into this with such ridiculous starry-eyed ideas of helping people but for a long time now everything has seemed meaningless#the same mindless repetitious tasks forever until I die#stuck behind the same desk and not mattering at all#but it's the only thing I can do and I don't know what I would want to do if I had the choice#maybe not work around people again ever which would be better for humanity in general#anyway I want to ask for prayer but I don't know how/what to ask about?
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Oh yeah I’m pretty sure I remember seeing a post abt wanting to find good resources for kink lists so here you go! Four of em’ served hot and ready for ur freakiness pleasure. Quality not guaranteed I am liable for absolutely nothing
#yappin tag#got distracted from all other tasks and started my own pc kink lists. adhd moment#lemme tell ya. these lists are fuckin Long if there’s anything you can say abt me is that I can make a freaky oc#just gotta make em look pretty now. trim and clean em up and add commentary and they’ll be finished#I’ll hand it to reddit just this once I did find 3/4 of these in a reddit thread#ps you’ll only get the most mileage out of the github one if you pick the Please Don’t dropdown option
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sometimes in life you have to trick your brain into thinking it's video games
#yes i put a little progress % bar under my daily task list and (optional) next to certain items. yes somehow it's working#how have i let such a cringe disorder impact my life so deeply. adhd i want your fucking lunch money bitch.
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#need to do 1 more Task today then i will have free time. what will i do#all 3 options are fo3. if it matters#delete later
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I think i doubt my ability to work faster under stress too much
#classwork#banana yoshimoto#kitchen#so much for lurking#sorry i just like how these turned out haha; this was one of the things that was bothering me so it feels nice to have it done#i don't like the second one as much as the first one but it *is* empty on purpose... metaphors and stuff#this is for my capstone; it's our only art assignment we'll have for the whole semester (intimidating)#we had two options for what to do depending on what kind of focus we've placed on our work#people who were focusing on content for studio work had to make something that represented themself as an artist#people like me who focus more on technique and meeting task requirements had to depict something based on... any... literature#so i took a middle ground and did two page inserts for a book that's important to me#i actually wanted to do only one really detailed insert but my prof wanted two so i had to divide my time#and also read the whole book again which left less time for the actual drawing#crying bc the dropbox for this closed five minutes before I got this done#even though this technically isn't due until the beginning of class tomorrow#it'll be fine since i'm bringing the files to class via USB anyway but it'd be nice to have it submitted so it could leave my conscious lol#uh i also have to type up something for this so i shall do that now#night night
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i feel so calloused to life and yet i do and say and experience so little
#momo talks#delete later#like i cant tell how much of my problems is that im just not trying hard enough#and how much of it is that i dont have a fucking life. i have nothing to draw from#i do not experience anything that i could draw from and strengthen myself with and use to create#i just. exist#and it's not even a depression thing this is just what my life is.#but i cant let anything i do experience touch me.#because guess what i read a manga like five days ago that isnt even in english and it upset me so violently#(upset as in to put off-kilter; it came too beautifully close to something that recognised me)#that ive been in a depression ever since.#it's ok this is just one of my bi-yearly surfacings. i am so happy most of the time despite the bare facts of my life.#because i am so good at just tuning it all out and getting on with the tasks i CAN do#but when that reflex stops and i float upwards. and i see just how wide the word is and just how many people are out there living a life#that i dont get to have#i feel some type of way about it.#i am so lonely. i think it's okay to admit that.#and i truly dont think there are many options for me to fix that. not where i am. not with the avenues i can go down.#and all of that is okay if i can just make things. if i can create stuff if i can make myself worth it to the world. but i can't.#i dont think i have anything to give anymore.#[leans over until the aching wound of my heart spills unfiltered ichor and despair into the tags] haha anyway. deltarune is good
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bought a google tv and i will fucking KILL myself before i agree to let google services monitor my conversations.
like actually kill yourself
#dumb tvs all the way T_T#it didnt even ask in the privacy section#like you could toggle location services. you could toggle diagnostic information. then it was just like#‘oh yeah we’re listening to your every word’ in garbled friendly legal speak#with no option to disable#‘we’re going to help remember your preferences to help you with your tasks!’#i would rather throw you off a cliff than let you target ads towards me
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i feel bad that my friendly neighborhood had to release a week before the ruin dlc, its such a wonderfully and carefully crafted game with a beautiful story and character/level designs, just so much thought put into it across the board and it truly does justice to its concept, but now its gonna be lost in the onslaught of fnaf hype and not properly appreciated <:/
#god i love stuff with thought and themeimg and this game has it in spades#without spoiling it gives reasoning as to why your player character has no option but to carry out a life threatening task#*such a#AND the natural weapons proficiency that the average person doesnt have#both which ties into the characters backstory AND the greater story and the message its presenting as a whole i love it so so much#*both of which#i promise its not your average mascot horror#go check it out if you havent!! i know dawko 8 bit ryan and fusionzgamer covered it right before fnaf but there are likely others#my friendly neighborhood#mfn#mfn game#dawko#8 bitryan#8 bit ryan#8bitryan#indie games#fusionzgamer#indie project#indie promo
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i'm actually like. kind of obsessed with the underlying selfishness of the traveler. thoma suggested they could help with the whole Vision Debacle in inazuma and they just. shut him down. because of course they did, the traveler isn't here to help people. they're good at it, sure, and end up finding themselves in that situation more often than not, but they don't care about any of it. all they want is their sibling back. the second they do, they'll leave all of this behind. none of these people matter in the end, they're all just a means to getting back their sibling. nothing else matters.
#icarus speaks#gacha impact#ohhhhhhhh doing selfless tasks for selfish reasons..........#like. yeah technically the side quests or whatever go against this#but those are optional. they're for the Player and not the story#the main story is All about their sibling. they only do things to get them back. shit just keeps happening and getting in their way#if they had it their way they wouldn't have done half of it. most of it was pointless in the end.
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