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whump-tr0pes · 5 years ago

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The end of the Vera Series

So... I didn’t exactly expect to finish the series this week, but... holy shit. It’s done.

It feels like being done with an ordeal, honestly. When I started out I thought ‘this will be so easy to write, it’s nothing but whump and torture, yay!!!’ Turns out it was the hardest thing I’ve written to date. I put down line after line for myself that I swore I wouldn’t cross, and yet I crossed them. I thought there was no way I could go to the depths of evil that I reached with Vera. In a way it’s been cathartic. I exorcised quite a few demons through her. In other ways, it just hurt.

I’m so glad I wrote out Vera’s captivity. Not only did I get to know her more as a person, I also had the opportunity to coordinate a reveal in two separate story lines. (The Ryan Reveal will remain one of the coolest events of my life, no one can change my mind.) I got the opportunity to figure out how to effectively retcon a character into a narrative that was very straightforward and had little room for artistic liberties. I got to know Joseph in a way I never wanted to. I’m so fucking glad Vera killed him that way.

I’ve never killed a non-villain in a story before, and for the sake of spoilers I’m not going to say whether I’m ever going to do it again. Killing Ryan (even though he was literally made to be killed) was so fucking hard and I actually considered figuring out a way to keep him alive. Cue @sableflynn‘s Road Trip AU, and Ryan and Vera live happily ever after as weird friends. It was a great challenge and I loved to hate every minute of it.

I will be publishing Vera. I need a break from it, and I won’t even start that process until after I’ve published Honor Bound 2. I decided it made more sense to publish the story with the mystery of what happened first, and then solve that mystery with the prequel. Vera will be offered more as a companion to the Honor Bound series than anything else. I’m hoping to have it out by winter of this year.

I’m thinking about doing more stories of this nature. I think Vera’s is definitely the longest, but the next backstory I’d be interested in writing is Isaac’s, in three parts: his happy childhood until his father dies, his abusive life with his mother, and a look at his second family who maybe never loved him at all, and instead saw an orphan they could train to be their bodyguard. Might throw in some of the year he was alone, working on his own. I’m not sure if it’ll happen, but I’m thinking about it. Ellis is the other main option. That’s a bit more sticky due to the nature of their trauma, but I’ve hinted a few times at Ellis’s dark past and I might want to look at that a little more closely than in just the flashbacks that’ll come with HB3.

Speaking of Honor Bound 3...

I said a few days ago that I’ll be going out of town next week. I’m posting two chapters for Honor Bound 2 on Friday and Saturday before I have to take a week off. Next Saturday, I’ll be posting everyone’s predictions. Next Sunday is when the escape plan gets kicked off, and I’ll keep posting normally after that.

Just know that I’m not abandoning the story! Just taking some much-needed R&R in the mountains.

Once Honor Bound 2 is done, I’ll be sending it to @kyliebean-editing (I cannot stop mentioning her or singing her praises, she is seriously amazing. Sorry, Kylie, for yet another mention XD). I’ll also be starting Honor Bound 3 at the same time. (I won’t be starting another story simultaneously this time. It was fun but something I don’t want to do again.) Editing Honor Bound 1 while writing Honor Bound 2 was honestly so helpful in crafting the story and guiding the narrative, as well as refamiliarizing myself with the material. I think it’ll do the same thing again.

Thank you so much for staying with me through this story. I know it got rough at times, but I’m so grateful for those of you who came on this journey with Vera and experienced her captivity with her.

#honor bound #honor bound 2 #honor bound 3 #Vera series #holy fucking shitballs #the Ryan Reveal

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goddamnchou · 7 years ago

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Hb3 sounds interesting if you'd like to share more? X

yep!! that one is the entire file for this fic, don’t let me go, which is where erwin lives on a houseboat on a tropical island that levi and his family go to visit during the summer. levi is really bored and doesn’t like being there until he meets erwin, and then they flirt a lot and start dating and its rly gross.

i’ve written way ahead of what i posted but p much they spend the whole summer together but then it gets kind of angsty b/c levi has to leave at the end to go back home but uhh before that they swim naked at night (after erwin helps levi in the water b/c he kind of has a phobia) and have sex in the ocean b/c ofc they do:

This time, he didn’t pull away and Erwin didn’t make anymore jokes, and Levi took great pleasure in seeing, hearing, and feeling Erwin fall apart in front of him, especially after he took his own cock in hand too so that he could stroke them both at the same time. He couldn’t resist, naturally, when they were already in a good position for it and Erwin’s dick was right there, and although the water oddly made things less slippery, he still found that it was possible for him to move his hips enough to increase the friction while he jerked them off.

Either way, it was pretty clear that it wasn’t going to take long for either of them to come, perhaps because the thrill of what they were doing just made it too exhilarating. It certainly felt that way for Levi, he thought, because no sooner had he lost himself and established a good rhythm with his hand, he sensed his release building fast, along with that giddy feeling he’d had earlier and a strong fluttering in his belly that could only be from excitement. It was very stimulating, really, and so he tightened his legs around Erwin and moaned along with him while they kissed and Erwin greedily groped at his ass, finding that the movements of his hand became desperate all too soon and he had to bite down on his lip so that he wouldn’t cry out when he came several moments later.

Shuddering, he tilted his head back while the pleasure rendered him still for a few seconds, managing to catch the tail end of Erwin’s own quiet, deep groan when he finished too and buried his face into Levi’s neck. Like that, they both did not move or say anything for at least half a minute, just enjoying the feel of the water and the afterglow and each other until Erwin suddenly stiffened and spoke up.

“Shit.” He said, an exclamation which made Levi raise an eyebrow because he didn’t commonly curse like that, not like him. “Someone’s coming.”

thank you for asking <3

#asks #zedsdead1001

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rosiedoestumblr · 7 years ago

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Annual Writing Self-Evaluation

I did this last year and I am really struggling to write anything at the moment, so I decided to review again, in the hope of getting motivated.

List of works published this year (from oldest to latest):

1. Teenage Vow In A Parking Lot (01.01.17) 2. The World’s Not Waiting (For Joe Trohman To Stop Being A Pussy And Start Going For What He Wants) (Two chapters posted.) 3. Fear of the Dark (One part posted.) 4. How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful (HB3) 5. Various parts of the microfic!verse.

Work you are most proud of (and why):

I guess it would be HB3, because it was the only one I finished, but truth be told, I’ve never felt like it was the story it could have been had I not written it as part of the BBB, and I was so committed to finishing it that I literally gave up on everything else to get it done for the deadline. I mean, literally, the gym, taking care of the garden, my spiritual study, all of it took a backseat to get that story done. It was phenomenally dispiriting to see how little interest the final work received.

In a way, though, it did act as a surrogate for one of the fics I’ve been wanting to write for a long time, studying the end of the hiatus and the band getting back together, and their motivations - how it all fell apart. That part I’m proud of, for sure.

Work you are least proud of (and why):

Probably TWNW, because I’ve had about half of chapter 23 half written since the summer and I’ve done basically nothing with it. It’s at a really important stage and this chapter is critical, but I just can’t get into it.

A favorite excerpt from your writing:

I’m my own worst critic, so this is really hard.

I think the opening couple of hundred words of HB3, in which the scene is set and Joe witnesses the spaceships passing overhead, is pretty evocative. It’s too long to post here.

I actually wrote a few nice bits in the micro!fic meme, which I should probably ull together and turn into a real story. Here’s a bit from the day on Warped when Joe’s friend died, back home.

Light was slicing through the curtain on the side of Patrick’s bunk, when it happened. Joe was spooned behind him, wedged between the blacked out bus window and Patrick, his face propped on one folded arm, the other tucked around Patrick’s belly - not asleep, just drowsing, not ready to climb out of their little cocoon, yet. It felt comfortable, now. It had taken a couple of weeks to settle into it - to realise this was really okay and nobody else even cared what they were doing, because half of them were wasted or up to no good with their own messes - but now they were getting into the habit, it was easy and he was happy and it felt like nothing could go wrong.

The two-tone ring of Joe’s phone made him groan wearily and sit up to fumble at the foot of the twin mattress, where it had been kicked sometime during the night. Patrick shuffled to lie back against the pillow and watch him, grinning drowsily, rubbing his fingers where Joe’s farmer’s tan circled his arm.

He was barely listening to what Joe was saying, or the faintly distorted voice on the line, but he was watching his face and he saw the moment he heard it. For an instant, Joe’s face crumpled and he curled his fingers into his hair with a small, choking splutter. And then it was gone again in a shaky breath and a nod that the person on the end of the line wouldn’t see.

Instinctively, Patrick sat up, knowing something was terribly wrong.

Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

I honestly haven’t had millions of posted comments and many of the ones I received were fairly concise, a lot of the feedback I received was on works by betas, as works in progress.

Someone naming themselves Lola000 was very sweet and came out of lurkerdom to tell me how much they liked my writing on HB3, which was lovely and truly meant a lot. Any time someone tells you that your writing moved them to say something when they usually wouldn’t is hugely flattering.

A time when writing was really, really hard:

Writing HB3 was unbelievably hard, but it got even harder after a friend and beta suddenly ghosted on me. There were certain circumstances on her side, which are possibly part of the reason, but one day she simply stopped replying. I know she’s alive and well, so no need to worry about that, but I just don’t know what happened. That was extremely hard for me, both as a writer and emotionally, as a friend. I generally work closely with betas, and that’s how we were working at the time - mutually, each supporting through our own work - so to lose that consistent voice and understanding was insanely stressful. I was really lucky to have a couple of friends who stepped in late in the day ( @alberyeol , @andsoshepaints ), otherwise I don’t think that story would have been finished at all. I genuinely considered backing out.

I think writing that fic in those circumstances and the subsequent quiet really affected my confidence. I’ve struggled to write anything at all, since.

It sounds stupid, I know, but I just feel kind of lost.

A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I don’t know that things surprised me too much, but I have found some of the things - the interpretations of events around the hiatus - in HB3 really interesting in how they unfolded. It felt a bit like being a forensic expert unpicking the events leading up to a plan crash or a murder.

How did you grow as a writer this year?:

I don’t think I did. I think I made a lot of progress last year and this year I’ve regressed a bit, because I’ve not written as much or as diversely as I should have.

How do you hope to grow next year?:

Much as I said last year, I don’t really think in those terms, but if I write more next year than I did this year, I think that would be a good place to start.

Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

For the time that she was there, the friend betaing HB3 was incredibly influential. There’s nothing more useful as a writer than someone understanding your vision and helping you work out the details.

It has been a long while, but aside from the lovely @alberyeol, @awake-atnight and @astershowers, provided a lot of feedback on the long distance fic I was working on (still trying) and in particular Michelle’s comments on TWNW were so motivating. It’s so deeply valuable to have someone so invested in your work.

Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

I think some of the description of Joe’s depression in TWNW was drawn from personal experience.

I’m sure there were little observations that cropped up, but I can’t recall what those were off the top of my head.

Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I don’t really read much fic, so it’s hard to know what advise writers about, other than the generic writing tips anyone could give and which I wrote last year. The main one, always, is GET A BETA. Trust me, you will not believe how useful it is.

Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I really want to progress TWNW to the next phase of the story. It has so much left to unpack and it has taken so long to get this far.

The long-distance fic, The World Is A Vampire, I feel most inclined to work on at the moment - I love the feel of that fic - I just need to get it back in the swing, because I think it’s a bit different to what others might expect from fic, and it’s very much a story about grown ups.

Fear of the Dark has one more part to come (although I’m starting to regret limiting myself to four) and I want to get that done soon, I just need to unravel what I want to do with the final part.

The Kissfic is adorable and still needs working on, I just need to find the time and motivation to get on with it, because drunk dialling will be hilarious.

I promised more Moving Pictures ficlets, last year, and I didn’t really deliver at all, so I do want to get some more of that done. I think it would be really interesting to see Patrick’s perspective on some of what has happened in TWNW, so far.

I’m also tempted to turn the micro!fic into a real fic, but it could overlap with later TWNW stuff and I want to save my best Warped Tour for that.

Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

Last year, @swiss-army-romance tagged me, and their work is always outstanding. I’ve been meaning to read their BBB fic for months.

I’d also like to see @thislossofsleep and @fixme-in-fortyfive, who I’ve helped with some works this year, go through these questions and to read their views. :)

#writing review #fic memes #my fic

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rivkarevans · 7 years ago

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Budget builders – buyers guide!

If you are looking to improve your ride quality, your vehicles offroad capability, enhance your camp comfort or even just have the best bloody mall crawler in town, don’t worry because we have some of the best bits of advice for making the most efficient modifications to your vehicle, to make sure you are hitting the tracks sooner without blowing the budget and all well within the timeframe of your up coming trip of a lifetime!

There is no doubting the effectiveness of throwing time and money at your 4WD to get the best upgrades completed in next to no time – by simply paying the bloke at the store to fit your selected accessories and upgrades we are certain that you can save stacks of time, but there are a handful of reasons why we suggest you give it a crack and try to DIY upgrade your 4WD by yourself or with some help from your mates!

The first reason you should attempt your DIY upgrades is because when you have the responsibility of turning all the wrenches on your vehicle, you learn how all the pieces go together like a jigsaw puzzle. This means that if anything goes wrong when you hit the tracks you’ll know where every nut and bolt on your 4WD is making that expedient bush repair a piece of cake compared to that guy on your trip who just gives it to “the guy” to fix!

The second reason you should attempt to Do It Yourself, is the massive labour savings – of course time is money, and when you are putting in the sweat equity you are paying with your time, but with all the lessons you’ll learn on the way, you’ll basically be a mechanic by the time you are done!

LED DRIVING LIGHTS

The first upgrade many 4WDers turn to is a set of LED Driving lights or an LED Lightbar no matter what you like to do with your 4WD the most versatile improvement is equipping your 4WD with the ability to blast out thousands more lumens than the factory headlights can put out!

We aren’t talking about your wimpy old factory fog lights here – When shopping around for high quality LED lighting, many people get drawn into the trap of purchasing the most expensive set of LED Driving lights on the market fooled into thinking they will be somehow brighter, tougher or even just lower power draw than some of the less expensive models on the market – however when comparing some of the nearest competitors for LED Light output with the BRAND NEW Domin8r 9” LED Driving light pair compare almost identically for stats with some brands that are charging near double the price (whilst also having less advertised range).

Fitted with 40x extremely bright and highly efficient Osram LED light diodes, the Domin8r 9” also includes a smart wiring harness which is truly plug and play, having smart sensing circuitry which can sense whether the input is negatively switched or not.

To fit these high-powered LED spotties simply open the packaging and make sure that all the required components are there, fasten your brand-new LED Spotlights to your bull bar, using both of the supplied 3 bolt stainless steel brackets. Fit loosely as you may need to adjust them later for appropriate aiming!

Now the lights are installed, select the appropriate included Headlight adapter plug (*kit only includes H4 and HB3 plugs) remove your headlight high beam plug from the rear of the bulb and insert the adapter between the factory wiring and the headlight, you can now lay out your wiring harness to connect the appropriate terminals, making sure to avoid hot or moving components in the engine bay, locate the position for your relay, and the Hot 12v+ wire and main earth wire near the battery to easily fasten. And run the toggle switch wiring through a convenient hole in the firewall to operate within the cab of the vehicle.

Connect all of your wiring and check the fuse and all waterproof deutsch plugs for security, once confident of the wiring, turn your ignition on and switch your headlights on. For proper operation the high beam operation should toggle the insanely bright LED Spotlights on and off via the wiring harness!

Installed in under 1 hour – you now have reliable track lighting to suit nearly any track at any time of night!

SUSPENSION ENHANCEMENTS

They say “there are a million ways to skin a cat” and many people look to enhance the ride height of their 4WD to gain additional clearance when driving offroad – to get your vehicles body riding high, you can install many components. But when modifying your vehicle you should never take safety for granted, this is why cheap upgrades like “spring spacers” and other such gimmicks shouldn’t be installed!

If you are chasing ground clearance, there is only one real way to do this safely and that is with a complete suspension upgrade kit, whilst you will gain extra height as desired however you will also gain longer travel shock absorbers, along with a purpose designed spring rate for your higher vehicle. With a full suspension kit, you will have better control on road, and will often get a much more comfortable ride offroad with purpose designed components.

With a mechanics service and repair manual for your specific vehicle you will be able to read in fine detail which nuts bolts spacers washers go where, and exactly how tight they need to be to be safe.

A Service manual will come in handy on the tracks anyways so, get your hands on one, for a better idea on how to make sure your 4WD stays safe!

Equipped with the knowledge you now need a suspension kit, again there are hundreds of brands on the market, with varying specialties from road racing to affordable daily driver suspension, when choosing a suspension brand, get your hands on a kit that is designed specifically for 4WDing such as the Raw 4×4 Suspension kits, with a kit tailored to nearly every application, they will make sure that accessories like bull bars and other constant loads on the vehicle will be factored in to not just the springs but the loads encountered by the shock absorbers.

Once you have your new suspension kit fitted in your 4WD you should head to your nearest tyre shop to get everything properly aligned this will make sure that your steering, tyres and road noise are un-effected, some independent suspension models find that their new suspension wears their tyres on the outside edges, whilst live axle models find their steering wheel may be crooked. A suspension alignment will mend all of this!

UHF COMMS!

The final upgrade no one should ignore is a reliable high powered built in UHF Radio – By fitting a UHF radio to your 4WD you have a reliable source of communication that will be able to talk to anyone with a UHF radio that is within range.

A 5W UHF offers the furthest possible range without requiring a broadcasting license and whilst the standard 3.5dBi – 4.5dBi antenna’s that are included with many UHF radio’s work great at transmitting a signal out to a reasonable range, for ultimate versatility and maximum range, a 6.5dBi antenna is perfect for getting the most from your 5W UHF system.

When looking at the performance of a UHF its hard to look past the value for money and performance you can get from an Oricom UHF380PK UHF unit. Not only does it include a higher power 6.5dBi antenna but it also includes a Z-bracket to install the antenna by your bonnet. Offering much better transmission than other models on the market – and an extremely easy to install with just 2 wires to the battery, and the antenna cable, you don’t even need to know how to solder or splice!

By installing all of these awesome accessories by yourself, you will know exactly how they work, and exactly how to fix anything that may go wrong when you are in the middle of nowhere, out of reach of your roadside assistance service.

So don’t wait, get out and get exploring with a smaller budget, and a better understanding of how your 4WD works and hit the tracks harder!

from 4WD Supacentre via 4WD Supacentre on Inoreader https://www.4wdsupacentre.com.au/news/budget-builders-buyers-guide/ from 4WD Supacentre https://frwdsupacentre.tumblr.com/post/175093828031

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frwdsupacentre · 7 years ago

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Budget builders – buyers guide!

LED DRIVING LIGHTS

Installed in under 1 hour – you now have reliable track lighting to suit nearly any track at any time of night!

SUSPENSION ENHANCEMENTS

A Service manual will come in handy on the tracks anyways so, get your hands on one, for a better idea on how to make sure your 4WD stays safe!

UHF COMMS!

So don’t wait, get out and get exploring with a smaller budget, and a better understanding of how your 4WD works and hit the tracks harder!

from 4WD Supacentre via 4WD Supacentre on Inoreader https://www.4wdsupacentre.com.au/news/budget-builders-buyers-guide/

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damienthepious · 3 months ago

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🛌 🥘

[from this askmeme]

🛌 What's a trope you haven't written, but want to? ohh plenty. and "haven't written yet" is maybe a nebulous category. do things that i've technically created a page for but haven't written anything besides the working title count? things where i've written three lines of contextless dialogue? i have an only one bed thing that hasn't been touched in AGES but i'd love to play with that, and i have a modified hanahaki idea inspired by a friend that keeps poking at me... i like tropes. they're FUN. there are very few that i wouldn't like to at least play around with, at some point!

🥘What wip are you most excited about? Impossible choice, impossible choice. i could say hb3 or i could say beast in on his chain or i could say knight of the swamp and i would be telling the truth no matter what.

#asks #anon #elle's fanfic meta

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damienthepious · 1 year ago

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please please please share your thoughts about this new beast chapter I am begging 🙏

IM BAD AT DOING DIRECTIONLESS DISCUSSION ABOUT MY OWN FIC FOR SOME REASON which is why im in love with commentaries BUT I CAN TRY.

man this chapter was a long time coming, actually. Arum was always going to kill the janus beast while he was stuck down here. I knew that before almost anything. what's maybe more unusual is that i had not even REMOTELY pre-written the scene before like... last week. Sometimes (often) a high-intensity scene from a late chapter in a fic will Possess me, usually in dialogue form, and i'll write out a TON of stuff from a chapter that won't see the light of day for months if not years. There's a HUGE chunk of late-game hb3 that fits that model, and that was a big part of how i found my way to the end of Scattered, too.

There ARE parts of captive!arum from later in the 'verse that i have written, too! just... not this scene? I always had the IDEA, though i waffled for a long time on whether it would be actual magic or if Arum would sacrifice a chance to end his own suffering to destroy the Janus Beast instead, like, get his hands on a knife or something. anime-style-magic-overload wound up feeling... better. Or- worse for Arum, probably, but- y'know. More Dramatic. And Fun. ;3c

#elle's fanfic meta #the beast in on his chain #asks #screamingatstars

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damienthepious · 3 years ago

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aw dunk here we go again!!!!

still need your teeth around my organs (chapter 7)

[ch 1] [ch 2] [ch 3] [ch 4] [ch 5] [ch 6] [ao3] [ch 8] [ch 9] [ch 10] [ch 11] [epilogue?]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien, Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla, Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Lord Arum, Sir Damien, Rilla

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Enemies to Lovers, Rivals to Lovers, Dueling, Sexual Tension, (because they’re IDIOTS), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Mutual Pining, mutual IDIOTS, canon typical Arum ignoring feelings, Polyamory, (eventually lmao), Polyamory Negotiations

Fic Summary: Damien won yesterday, Arum won today, and now all that’s left is to break the tie. The only issue, however, is that neither of them are willing to do so, not until they are both satisfied that they have fought fairly, and honorably, and one of them has truly won.

Chapter Summary: Lord Arum agonizes. This is not particularly surprising.

Chapter Notes: the more this fic continues, the more it crystalizes as a direct mirror of hb3. i'm so incredibly okay with that.

Amaryllis comes in to check on them after quite a long while, and Arum drops Damien's hand so quickly that he fears the knight will wake. He only shifts, though, murmuring something wordless through his slumber and tilting his face against the pillow.

Amaryllis does not mention the hand. She does not mention the length of time Arum spent at Damien's bedside. She does not mention anything at all until she and Arum stand safely in the front room again, and she stifles a yawn behind a hand before she asks-

"So, did you get anything out of him, or was he pretty much gone?"

Arum drops his eyes, frowning hard. "Both. He tried to tell me he would be ready in a week. To duel. Absurd little creature, as if I would let him-" he huffs. "Ridiculous."

"A week ," Amaryllis spits, entirely derisive. "He heals fast, but no one heals that fast."

"Precisely," Arum says, and- it is an odd sort of relief, knowing that someone with stubbornness enough to match Sir Damien is here, bending her efforts to his safety and health. "Precisely. I decided- I decided that you would be better equipped to say when he will truly be safe to..." he trails off, sighing.

"Hm," the doctor says, still frowning with her expression deep in thought. Her face clears after a moment, though, and she spares Arum another look. "Well, as far as dueling goes, I'm gonna argue that six weeks is the absolute minimum - Saints help me get him to cooperate with me on that - but I think, maybe..."

She pauses, watching Arum carefully, and he worries sharply that his stab of disappointment and resignation must show on his face.

"Maybe?" he echoes, wary and unwilling to indulge in any nebulous hope.

"I mean, just for visitors," she says with a shrug, "he'll be fine pretty much as soon as I switch him to a some different dosages tomorrow afternoon."

Arum pauses, tail flicking, and then he narrows his eyes at the doctor. "Visitors... it is not as if I- as if we are- are-"

"Rivals?" Amaryllis says, an eyebrow raising, and Arum sputters. "I mean, that's pretty normal, I think. His best rival Angelo already stopped by earlier today to check in. Damien wasn't conscious then, but that wasn't the point. That sapling in the corner of the exam room was his get-well gift."

Arum blinks, reeling from at least three different implications in that brief verbal jaunt.

"Best- his- what?"

Amaryllis pauses, then rolls her eyes, gesturing with a hand. "You're his dearest rival, Arum, don't worry. Angelo is his best friend and worst competitive influence."

Arum barely swallows a laugh, half-choking, and then he shakes his head. He does recognize that name, in fact. "And- sapling?"

"He thought, say, if a few flowers improve someone's health - already wrong - then a bigger plant must be even better! So, of course, he got the biggest damn plant he thought would fit inside my hut. He was almost right. It fits diagonally, at least."

The laugh escapes, then, a hopeless gasping behind his hand, and Amaryllis grins hard and runs a hand through her hair.

"Yeah, no, exactly. He's ridiculous. He and Damien are great together, when they aren't nearly getting each other killed."

Arum shakes his head as he controls the laughter, muttering wordlessly under his breath. "That- still. It is... obviously it is- different, between-"

"You can come after dark, just like this. No risk of other humans."

Arum clicks in the back of his throat, an uncertain rattle as he hovers between nerves and desires. "I don't... if we cannot duel, then it would only be... I don't-"

"If I say that it would be kind of a relief to have someone to keep an eye on him while I sleep, would that nudge you in any particular direction?" she says, her voice thinning with slightly exaggerated weariness. "I'm sure he'll be fine tonight, but- when he gets more lucid, he's going to try to push himself before he's ready, and, well, not that I'm trying to put you to work or anything, but- "

Arum sighs, heavy with his own exaggeration. "It would not do to have my dueling partner delay his recovery in stubbornness or guilt or whatever else," he mutters, glancing away, and he sees Amaryllis' frame sag slightly in his periphery. "I suppose. I make no... no promises, but of course I will need to return to speak with him about our- our standing duel. Of course."

"Of course," Amaryllis nods, visibly relieved, and then she glances towards the door to Damien's room again, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth and furrowing her brow. "I hate needing to worry about him so much," she says, almost absently, and Arum goes very still at the strange vulnerability in her tone. "But- he makes it so easy, doesn't he?"

Her tone slips towards sardonic, then, and unutterably fond, and Arum-

It clicks.

Amaryllis- Rilla, that was the person Damien had called out for in their second duel, Rilla- of course, of course she is- foolish headstrong reckless knight and his beloved, his doctor-

Of course. It makes perfect sense. He doesn't know how he managed to miss the obvious until just this moment, but-

He has been rather distracted, he reasons.

"Uh... what."

Arum jolts, his tail flicking anxiously as he refocuses on the human. "What?" he parrots, teeth bared without intent, and the doctor raises an eyebrow.

"You were making a face," she says, tone flat. "Did I say something wrong?"

Arum shakes his head, still thrown. "Don't be foolish," he mutters. "I only- you and the knight are-"

Arum snaps his teeth shut, unwilling to give voice to what, exactly, they are. It isn't his business, anyway. Damien's personal life- that is not Arum's concern, any more than his own is Damien's. He flaps two hands in the air dismissively, grumbling a growl under his breath.

Amaryllis, unfortunately, is rather quick for a human. She blinks, her expression going a little blank. "Oh," she says, and then again, "oh. I- uh, I assumed you knew? Damien said he's mentioned me-"

"Rilla," Arum spits, more distressed to continue this conversation than he knows how to endure. "He has mentioned his flower, his Rilla, early on, but-"

"Right," she says. "Amaryllis. Right, sorry, I didn't think that would be-"

"Don't apologize, you absurd little creature. It isn't any of my concern one way or the other. It isn't as if our duels are such- it would not be playing fair, were I to- to try to-"

Amaryllis blinks again, and then she laughs, quick and sharp. "I really didn't- no, that wasn't what I meant. I just- prefer clarity! That's all. I like it when things are neat and clear. So. Yes, Damien and I. Yes, we're a- we're together."

Arum curls his tail around his own ankle for a long moment as he allows that idea to take root in his head.

"I am finding less and less sense in your allowing me here," he mutters, frowning hard. "It was madness enough when you were simply his doctor, but if your bond is stronger still than that- little doctor," he raises his eyes to hers, pretending that the steadiness that meets him does not unsettle. "Little doctor," he repeats, "I am going to kill your knight, someday. His life will be my prize, eventually."

She-

Amaryllis does not answer to that, for a long, long moment. She stares him down, her eyes narrowed and searching, her expression placid and unconcerned, and eventually, eventually, long after Arum's scales have begun to shiver with nerves and the compulsive growl in his throat has grown noticeable, she gives an insultingly lazy sort of shrug.

"Eventually," she says breezily. "Someday. If your life isn't his prize, right?"

Arum snorts, baring his teeth again. "Optimistic, are we?"

"He's a knight," she says, a flicker of grimness at the edge of her tone. "I'd almost have to be. Now. You're going to come back at some point?"

He should say no, outright, of course. This single evening has been purely self-destructive, utterly absurd, unforgivably reckless. Coming back again is asking to be slain.

(He can still scent the bare edge of Damien's bloodied armor by the doorway behind him, each time he flicks his tongue.)

He shrugs, a passably decent imitation of her own feckless motion.

"If, of course, I can find the time. Do not expect me to commit to a schedule. For all I know you could be ready to summon a squadron of-"

"I wouldn't dare deprive Damien of his duels," she drawls with a roll of the eyes. "I don't expect you to believe that, but still. It's worth saying. And that's fine, too, I won't hold you to anything. Just- if you do find the time, use the door I brought you through tonight. That's my personal door, not the one for patients. Only me, Damien, and my brothers ever use it, so I'll know that it's you if you knock."

Arum... decides not to think too deeply, on the implications of that invitation.

"Now. I don't know about you," she says, scrubbing a hand through her hair again and loosening her braid even further, "but I'm fucking exhausted, and I need to get some sleep while he's still down for the count. Do you mind?"

Arum pauses, uncertain for a moment before it clicks. "Ah- er, yes, of course, I should not have- lingered as long as I have," he mutters, awkwardly half-stepping towards the door.

Amaryllis presses her lips together in a smile, tired but honest, and then she moves to open the door for him. She waits until he skips past her, his movements embarrassingly twitchy and anxious, before she speaks again.

"Arum," she says, and he- pauses, despite himself, glancing back to where she stands in the doorway, silhouetted by the gentle lantern-light, nearly glowing. "Be safe, okay?"

Arum stills. His mind jolts, after a moment, racing to try to interpret the words, the look on her face, her tired stance, to try to find the secret insult, the lie in her concern, but-

There is nothing there to find. Only earnestness. Only kindness.

Arum swallows, and turns, and disappears back into the dark of the jungle without another word.

Arum dreams a victory.

He dreams the familiar dance of their combat, dreams disarming Sir Damien in a dramatic flourish, dreams the poet knocked to his knees before him.

Damien stares up, cut on his chin, bruise blooming on his cheek, mouth open in a gasp before he gathers himself, that gentle smile curling the corners of his lips. He leans closer, warm hands suddenly skating up the sides of Arum's thighs, too close-

"We fight for our lives, dear rival, in our deadlier duels," he murmurs, looking up and up into Arum's eyes, and then his smile blooms wider, hungrier. "For what do we fight now? What prize would you take from me, besides my life?"

Heat pools in the pit of Arum's stomach. He cannot speak. Damien's hands, hot like a sunning rock at midday, palms pressing to Arum's hips, sparks racing across his scales in response, his face upturned.

"What would you have me give?" Damien murmurs. "What would you take?"

Nothing. Everything. Claws in Damien's hair, claws tracing Damien's lips. Anything.

Persistent rhythm, Damien's heart in his ears, steady-sweet music. Damien parts his lips, a gasp like someone drowning, and he grips Arum's wrist in one of his furnace-hot hands.

"Take it, then. Take what you would take, my dear, my dearest-"

Arum wakes.

Arum wakes, uncomfortable in the extreme in multiple ways, curled over his workbench and snout buried in reams of blueprints, evidence of failure after failure after failure, his insides still burning with heat and his scales still racing with electricity, and he-

He squeezes his eyes shut again, hisses through his teeth, buries his face in all four hands, and he cannot-

This cannot endure. Arum cannot endure. Not this, not forever. The confusion, the conflict, the foolishness.

It must end.

As soon as Damien is well again, he decides. As soon as the knight is fully recovered, as soon as Arum is convinced that he will fight at his best again, he will end this. One last duel, one final turn, and then-

One of them will die.

And Arum knows, in his heart, which of them it will be.

There are a thousand reasons not to return to that little hut. There are a thousand reasons why to do so would be reckless foolishness at best, suicide at worst. Despite Amaryllis' open invitation, despite Damien's preposterous, muddled assertion that he would- would miss Arum during his recovery.

A thousand reasons to stay away, a thousand reasons to use this opportunity to clear his mind, to create some distance between himself and the knight before their final duel. To prepare.

Amaryllis said he would be welcome the following night, if he would like.

He manages to wait three days, before he finds himself skulking close beside the narrow path through the jungle, the dim glow of lamplight steadily flickering brighter through the trees as he weaves careful and silent between them.

If this is a trap, he will not be felled easily.

The jungle buzzes quiet with the natural sounds of night, bugsong and the quiet trills of amphibians creating a background tapestry of noise, uninterrupted by any ambush or trap. Arum approaches unmolested, and only after he carefully scouts around the hut, scenting for other knights (he only smells the one he sometimes does on Damien's armor, the one he must assume is that best rival Amaryllis mentioned), searching for traps, listening for chatter within the structure (the doctor sings, quietly, humming under her breath in what sounds like distraction when her words drift off), only after he is satisfied with his safety, he slips from the trees with his hood carefully pulled over his head, and he knocks.

Amaryllis smiles like blooming as she opens the door, though she looks, if anything, even more tired than during his last visit. She gestures him in, and Arum acquiesces, flicking his tail and pulling his hood back down as she closes the door behind him.

"He's sleeping right now, and I still have a bit of work to do before I go to bed. Want some tea?"

A thousand and one reasons, he thinks, as the curve of her smile makes the corner of his own mouth twitch up in response.

"Please," he says, and then he moves to sit.

[↣]

#elle's fanfic #second citadel #rad bouquet #lizard kissin' tuesday #lord arum #amaryllis of exile #sir damien #still need your teeth around my organs #ahem. Please for comments?

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damienthepious · 3 years ago

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Elle. Elle I want you to talk about that bit in teeth around my organs where Damien shows up late. I think I got the title wrong but listen

[Pick a short passage from any fanfic I’ve written (OR SPECIFICALLY Need Your Teeth Etc) and send it to me, and I’ll give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet!]

YES OKAY FANTASTIC. WHEEEE~

this got long, as usual.

["Oh thank the Saints you didn't leave. Oh," he pauses, breaking into another gasping sort of sigh, fluttering with uncomfortable, uncertain laughter. "Oh I thought I- I thought I would be too late. I-"]

These morons have exactly zero contingencies for missing their duels. They are MUCH less responsible about this whole thing than the HB3 versions are, ironically, and Damien experienced three simultaneous panic attacks on the run over here, thinking that Arum would LEAVE would HATE HIM would THINK HE'D BETRAYED HIM- and this Damien is rather acutely aware of his own... dilemma. Currently.

["Honeysuckle," Arum says, stepping closer, his remaining fury vanishing into something more like fear. "What- are you hurt?"]

lizard instantly forgets to be irritated when he thinks something might actually be wrong with Damien. absolutely gone. Also slips to honeysuckle so instantly. also, this fucking DUMMY lies even in his own HEAD. "something more like fear" my entire ass. it's just fear. you're just afraid. you're TERRIFIED, Arum.

["What?" Damien lifts his head, brow furrowing, and then he laughs again. "Oh, Saints, no, I am- I'm sorry, no."]

Damien, not even considering himself, utterly thrown off by Arum leaping to that assumption. Which is, i should mention, the SAME assumption that Arum leaps to in the following chapter. Gee, It's Almost Like Lord Lizard Cares About Him. And Damien apologizes, because he's compulsively polite, and also because now he's realizing that Arum worried.

["Don't- apologize for not being injured, takatakataka," Arum grumbles, frowning. "What happened?"]

Which Arum immediately tries to backpedal. A little. Arum doesn't like being thanked, and i don't think he particularly likes being apologized to, either, at least not unprompted.

["Nothing-" he bursts into another gasping sort of laugh, his expression tight and uncomfortable in a vaguely self-deprecating way. "Nothing exciting, I'm afraid, it was only- the Queen summoned all the knights in the Citadel for an unexpected meeting, and it- ran much longer than I hoped, and I couldn't- I could not find a way to extricate myself, and- and I knew I was leaving you to wait here, unknowing, alone, and I- well, as soon as I was released from my duty, I came with all speed and I-"]

Damien probably feels awkward talking about his more mundane knightly duties with Arum. He also feels guilty about leaving Arum hanging. He's having a stressful night, so far.

[He pauses, his expression lifting oddly, a sheepish little smile as Arum blinks at him, trying to decide exactly what to feel-]

But he feels a little better, very quickly, when he and Arum are in the same space again. and poor Arum doesn't have the first clue what to do or what to feel when Damien looks at him like that.

["I was... I was afraid you would have already given up on me," Damien says quietly. "That you would have given up on the duel, assuming... well, any old wretched thing about me, I suppose.]

An exceptional amount of Damien's dialogue in this fic is layered. He does a lot of saying two things at once, and fortunately/unfortunately, Arum is fucking STUBBORN and usually refuses to notice anything below the surface. "I was afraid you would have already given up on me." That's a weird way to say that, Damien. Very... emotionally loaded. 👀

[I was afraid of missing you entirely, and I didn't know what I would do if I had, except- to wait and hope you would return to seek me, eventually." He pauses, face flushing a little darker for a moment as Arum notes with some bafflement that Damien's instincts on that front mirror his own so well.]

They're very similar in some very stupid ways. Mostly to do with drama and bisexuality. "Oh yes, we haven't discussed ways to reach each other in case of emergencies, but if any were to come up, i would just WANDER THE JUNGLE where we usually meet and HELPLESSLY HOPE HE FINDS ME." idiots.

[Damien shakes his head, lips curling in a delicate frown. "I came as quickly as I possibly could, but- I am sorry, Arum. Truly, I am."]

Damien is so fucking earnest. love him. h

[Arum-

Arum should be angry. He knows he should be- furious with the little knight, for wasting his time, for-]

"should be" in the context of this whole ridiculous framework they've built around their continuing interactions. Arum is stuck in a fucking nesting doll of lies and intricate rituals and THAT framework says he should be frustrated with Damien for "wasting" his evening waiting for a duel that did not happen. however.

[He cannot hold the feeling. He is, perhaps, too exhausted on his own part, from his fury earlier in the evening. From his fear. From the way his feelings ricocheted so quickly from one to the next while he waited. He cannot hold any more anger, tonight. Mostly, he just feels-

Relieved. Exhausted. Warmer, oddly, now that Damien is here with him.]

Oops! he's finally letting himself notice at least a FRACTION of his actual feelings. oopsie daisy! oops!!! fucking finally. god.

[He shakes his head.

"I suppose... this is far superior a reason to have missed our duel than many others I fe- I could think of. Best not to find you fallen prematurely to some other, less deserving beast. Entirely unacceptable."]

MANY OTHERS I FEARED. Idiot lizard. He's cracking the door. Just an inch. He's offering just the LITTLEST bit of softness in Damien's direction. he's still framing it in their duels, because that's all he knows how to do at this point, but STILL.

[Damien laughs, a hint of bravado playing in the clear note of it. "I fear my standards are far too high for that, Lord Arum," he says warmly. "I would never fall before any other beast."]

This is a fuckign declaration and arum is so fucking stupid about it. that thing i said earlier about lots of damien's dialogue holding two meanings at once? this. this could ARGUABLY be speaking ONLY about combat, but. obviously. dissect somewhat. "I wouldn't fall for any other monster," which does not leave out Rilla, importantly. "I would fall for you. I could fall for you. I have fallen for you."

["Nor I to any other ridiculous little armor-clad buffoon," Arum mutters, glancing away.]

Arum manages to answer in kind without admitting a goddamn thing. While also being rather accurate to his future fate, lmao. Emotionally constipated, absolutely denial-buried idiot lizard monster. "I feel the same way," he says, refusing to actually think about how either of them feel.

#you got the name right don't worry. it's MY fault the name is OBNOXIOUSLY LONG #elle's fanfic meta #still need your teeth around my organs #asks #pinkpuffballdude

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damienthepious · 4 years ago

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if you're still doing the commentary asks, I am DYING to hear your thoughts around this HB3 passage (and the bit just after it if you're generous enough to grace us with your thoughts)

"I would not have known. You wouldn't have met me as agreed, and I wouldn't know why. I would have thought-" he snaps his jaw shut, looking away again, his frill shivering uncertainly at his neck. "I wouldn't have known."

[Pick a short passage from any fanfic I’ve written (OR SPECIFICALLY HBB) and send it to me, and I’ll give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet!]

HB3 oh my god. I love that hghfglkjfd. Yes okay THANK you i desperately need. a distraction right now. chapter 10!

["If you had been injured too direly to meet with me, if the Scorpion Queen had hit you even a little bit harder- I would not have known. You wouldn't have met me as agreed, and I wouldn't know why.] we've known since chapter two that this is something that Arum worries about. This is probably the first time he's said as much out loud. And it kind of shows, because he really fumbles the delivery. He doesn't know HOW to express this terror without either asking for (what seems to him) too much, or without letting Damien know that he's in love with him. Tricky tricky.

[I would have thought-" he snaps his jaw shut, looking away again, his frill shivering uncertainly at his neck. "I wouldn't have known."] I would have thought- that you decided you were finally done with me, OR I would have thought you were dead. Both such wretched options that Arum is willing to express this vulnerability to avoid being left uncertain about them. But also, actually specifying what he would have thought is too much. Too vulnerable. He can't.

[The monster pauses for a long moment, and Damien shifts his weight, uncertain. "Ah... Arum?"] Too many vulnerable words too quickly. Arum needs a Second. And Damien still isn't quite sure what Arum is asking, yet, so he doesn't know how to respond.

["She is the only other person who even knows of my connection to you. Even obliquely.] This is the first possible opportunity he's had to ease this fear, and he's only approaching it at ALL because Damien's Rilla(tm) has thusfar seemed.... very shockingly amenable to all of this nonsense.

[If... if anything happens- I understand, of course, if this is... if this is too strange a request, if-" he pauses again, swallows, and his throat rumbles with a discordant growl. "You know how to contact me. If there is something- in an emergency. I have known, this entire time, that if anything ever happened that rendered you unable to contact me- I would never know. But now- now-"] so, SO clumsy. he backsteps and sidesteps and waffles and couches the whole thing, because he is trying not to sound as desperate as he feels, BUT he wants this assurance so badly, BUT he is also trying to act like he'll be fine if Damien says no, BUT BUT BUT. He does not know what he is doing, at all. He just knows what he wants, and his fear for Damien's safety finally has an outlet he can access. Even if this is TERRIFYING, he feels like he NEEDS to ask for this.

[Damien lifts a hand, letting his fingertips just barely brush Arum's elbow, hesitant and soft. "But now..."] Damien can see how difficult this is for Arum, so this is... physical touch to show support, echoing Arum's words to show that he is listening. Arum might not be saying this in the most coherent way, but Damien is clever with words and he gets it, pretty quickly. But now, there is another option.

[He shakes his head. "I know it is a great deal to ask.] providing another exit ramp, in case Damien says no. If HE suggests that it's too much, if he acknowledges- it won't be as bad, if he's rejected. [Particularly of someone I do not know, and cannot meet. But- but if it means that I would not be left unaware if some dire harm were to come to you- if-"] Acknowledging that he would be inconveniencing Damien's Rilla(tm), but. He's too burnt out by this fear to suppress the question anymore, now that he has this option in front of him.

["I... I didn't know that this was worrying you so," Damien murmurs, and the monster scowls deeply, not meeting his eye.] OKAY so! Damien, in this fic, is... he's in his own head about his OWN "sins", about his own "mistakes" and "blasphemy" and "treason", but. BUT. He is NOT living an examined life when it comes to the people AROUND HIM. he's SO deeply caught in his own head that he FREQUENTLY forgets to consider what's going on in the heads of the people around him. Even Arum. Especially Arum, perhaps, when it comes to certain things.

It never, never occurred to Damien that Arum might worry about him in this precise way, even though it is REALLY obvious that Arum worries about his safety in the general sense, and even though Arum has been VERY obvious about his distress when Damien is injured.

And, as Damien thinks a little bit later, it has never occurred to Damien that he might need to worry about ARUM in the same way! He's kind of taken for granted that Arum is just... going to be there. That this arrangement will only end if DAMIEN manages the motivation (or the guilt, or the self-loathing) to end it. The idea of it ending because Arum was hurt, or killed- it never even crossed his mind.

Because Damien is a self-involved idiot, sometimes. I do love him so. Sigh.

anyway i hope any of this was amusing!! :D

#elle's fanfic meta #heart beats best #asks #lucky numberme

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whump-tr0pes · 5 years ago

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I do try to read most of them and i know the basis but since i can't really read it without getting a bit i don't know annoyed i do kind of skim over the chapters that are tagged as slash. I don't get annoyed at you as you are telling a story which i do like i just feel like i don't know how people support him with what he did. I'm sorry if i'm being annoying.

...ok.

If you’re annoyed about Gavin’s redemption arc, him getting better and healing and all that good stuff, and have been skimming all those chapters, I can’t explain the Isaac/Gavin relationship or why people support him better or in more detail than that. If you’re not reading the material that makes people support Gavin, then yeah, it’s not gonna make sense to support Gavin.

Gavin is in the middle of a redemption arc. He had to start at the very depth of his (badness?) for it to be that way. Yeah, he’s done some pretty terrible shit. Yeah, he’s done some things that maybe shouldn’t be forgiven. That’s the basis for every redemption arc. Villain stan or not, if ya don’t like redemption arcs then this isn’t the story for you.

He’s also very much a product of his upbringing, and of the culture he never once saw any counter to. (And why would he question it? He only ever experienced love from his parents when he bought in. A child doesn’t have a choice between a parent’s love and anything else. Yeah he has some issues with sadism, but if you’ll look at the chapter in HB1 when he tortures Vera he only becomes confident with it when his father assures him, over and over, that he is good for wanting those things. You’re allowed to be a sadist. It’s just a feeling. His parents enabled him to take that feeling and turn it into an action he was rewarded for over and over.) It took something drastic to make him figure his own shit out, but as soon as it happened, he started figuring his shit out. Even before he found out he had an aversion to blood and torture, he was telling his mother to leave the team alone. He’s doing his absolute best, and all things considered he’s doing it very well.

I’m not gonna go into why Gavin loves Isaac, because I’ve covered it ad nauseam in the chapters. (And honestly, the boy doesn’t need a reason to love Isaac.)

Yeah, the relationship doesn’t make sense right now because, why would Isaac love Gavin, right? Well, not to sound like a broken record but, something is going to happen that makes Gavin’s devotion to Isaac absolutely unquestionable, and makes the rest of the team realize Gavin is actually not just a really good person now, but their person. I’m not going to explain the plot of the rest of HB2 and most of HB3 to justify a relationship that hasn’t even started yet.

I am not gonna share anything more of why Isaac falls for Gavin. I’m not going to spoil the story. Y’all have the option to trust that it’ll make sense later, or not. But that’s the risk in every story. You don’t even have to risk your money on the chance that it won’t work, like you would in a traditionally published novel.

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