#or better yet get a guest player to play them in disguise for a few sessions

[tanoraqui]

D&D 5e PC free to a good home: Human Bard, Variant Human build wherein they start with a Feat. The Feat is Magic Initiate into the Warlock class. They got it because they defeated a Devil in a crossroads fiddle duel and, when they refused the golden fiddle prize, knowing it to be a trap, the Devil laughed and offered them a straightforward deal instead: three wishes, with a teaser sample of 2 cantrips + a 1 use/day petty spell, and after the fulfillment of the third wish, their soul will come directly to Hell.

The Bard agreed - they're fine so long as they never use the third wish, right? Heck, they'll just never use any of the wishes, and they can escape this very dangerous conversation with a little magical boost and a great story to tell.

How you play them is entirely up to you, except know that 3 times, you can call upon this Devil for a wish...which will manifest, mechanically, as taking a level in Warlock. For the third wish, they will give you that same golden fiddle, which will act as a Pact of the Blade Pact Weapon, mechanically modified to function primarily as a spellcasting focus rather than a literal weapon.

Your relationship with the Devil is also up to you and the DM. Personally, I'd go for slowburn romance with a College of Creation Bard, to really fascinate a properly Lucifer-coded Devil, fulfilling the final term of the deal by straight-up moving to Hell with your new sugar mommy (after defeating the Big Bad of the campaign, which is what you needed the third wish for). Or the Devil could be the Big Bad of the campaign! Or you can never make a wish and multiclass into Warlock, if you're very strong of will! It's your story to tell.

[marshmurmurs]

hey. hey psst. grian & purpled friends au is a banger. you um, you got any more? mayhaps?

Ok so you're gonna have to bear with me for aa few moments since this au is made by someone who hasn't watched Evo in a hot second and someone who I believe hasn't yet finished watching it, so we are mostly working off of fanon and my terrible memory for Watcher stuff

With that said, you've heard of Watcher!Grian, now get ready for Watcher!Purpled too :D

So you’re probably wondering how in the world we got here. It started with Peggy mentioning that Purpled got a clean view of both Tommy’s duel with Dream and Phil taking out Wil. That’s enough for me to start the Watcher propaganda babey!!!

“They watch but cannot be seen”

I'm pretty sure I yoinked this quote from a sign that showed up in some Watcher thing at some point. Purpled sure does watch. I also believe he has done some messing around with replay mod to see inside the prison or something? So yeah, Watcher boy be looking. And the “cannot be seen” part? He’s constantly falling into the background, almost forgotten, and maybe it's in his very nature.

Grian and Purp were both Watchers, though their time as Watchers only briefly overlapped. Purpled was already a Watcher during Evo times, having been picked up by the Watchers while traveling the void in his spaceship. They had promised him he would become something greater than himself, he would be part of something important, he would have a legacy. Purpled went along with them, at first, it wasn’t like he really had anything better to be doing. Besides, the magic and wings he got out of the deal were pretty cool.

It was when the Watchers started looking to recruit Grian that Purpled started to question why he was there. That legacy they promised him, he wasn't sure if they ever delivered on that. If anything, it was the Watchers that were benefiting off of him. The Evolutionists were the only people who were confident in their existence, and even then, they only knew of the group as a whole. They had no idea how many of them there were or of any of the individuals within. He doesn’t think that was ever what he wanted out of joining the Watchers... He wasn’t actually sure what he had wanted out of them.

Purpled noticed the Watchers focusing their attention on Grian, he saw how they worked to break down his will to rebel. Sure, he had joined them, but it wasn't like he had been told all their rules upfront. Naturally the guy who had continuously tested the limits of their patience when they had been some unknown power wouldn’t stop that just because he was one of them now. Grian would push the limits of what he was allowed to do, finding loopholes, dancing around the rules, and even outright breaking them at times. The two interacted a few times and Purpled liked the guy well enough. He liked him enough to break the rules himself and not report Grian when he caught him breaking some rules, he even pointed out a few spots in the rules where the phrasing could be exploited. Still, he recognized the opportunity Grian’s presence provided him. Purpled was no longer the newest Watcher, no longer constantly under their gaze. He could just leave, and if he was smart about it, he could get away and have plenty of time before anyone noticed.

So he did. With a final o7 to Grian, Purpled left. Their final encounter within the Watchers domain went something like this:

Purpled: Hey do you want some advice?

Grian: Sure

Purpled: *walks away never to be seen again within the Watcher’s domain*

It was only later that Grian realized what the advice was, long after he began sneaking out, began testing the limits of what he could do. It was long after he figured out that an eye couldn't really look within itself and he could use the very powers the Watchers had given him to hide himself from them, long after he'd made his own domain, long after he'd slipped away to a land he created specifically to stay out of their sight and reach that he realized what the advice was. Purpled had left. His advice was to leave. Grian had—albeit unknowingly—followed that advice.

Purpled had taken a much different method to getting away. Instead of making himself untraceable, he hid in plain sight. He went to Hypixel and made a name for himself playing Bedwars. With each game he won, with each game he clutched, he amassed supporters. Players, believers and doubters alike, began to bet on the outcome of his matches. Purpled had made himself seen. He knew the Watchers knew he was there, but that was the point. They couldn’t reach him, not without breaking their own rules, at least. Unlike the two Players turned Watchers, the original Watchers cared deeply for and were bound by their rules. Even if they had tried anything, Purpled managed to create his own legacy, making for himself what they never could. Beyond that, he'd found friends, he'd built a community, surrounded himself with people who would look for him and make themselves a problem for the Watchers if they tried to make him go back. They were forced to sit by and do nothing as he continuously broke their most important rule.

Purpled didn't need the Watchers, he never did.

Grian didn't really know how he felt about the Watchers. He didn't think he hated them, not really. The Watchers had given him a taste of true freedom then immediately began to restrain him. They'd given him wings and the power to create worlds in mere seconds, something which would not only take a regular Admin a much longer time, it would require a significant amount of preparation. He was given the world at his fingertips but was limited by the long list of rules the Watchers enforced. He doesn't regret joining them—he wouldn't give up his wings for the world—but they just weren't enough. The more they tried to make him fit their mold of a perfect little Watcher, the more sure of that he became.

It was almost funny, the Watchers had become stricter in order to prevent another Purpled situation. They were trying to ensure Grian wouldn’t leave them too, but in doing so, they had given him reason to. He was a bit curious though, he wondered what Purpled was up to now. Grian hadn’t gotten news about him since he’d left the Watchers.

So Grian went to Hypixel, he wanted to see if he could track down Purpled. He knew the other was there, judging by the leaderboards, but he couldn’t seem to catch him around the hub. He managed to track down gamblers betting on Purpled's victories. Grian followed that lead, tailing the person who was updating them on the results of Purpled's matches. Somehow that person continued to find intel without Grian catching where Purpled was. It made no sense, and if he was being honest with himself, it had long since reached the point of being frustrating. Eventually, after an infuriating amount of dead ends Grian decided he may as well play a few games before calling it a day and heading home. He tried a few solo matches of bedwars and while PvP wasn't really his thing, he had to admit throwing fireballs at people was pretty fun.

Grian finding Purpled wasn't even intentional on his part. At that point he wasn’t even actively looking or playing the game properly. He’d simply started building houses after politely asking people to leave him alone with varying levels of success. After a few games, he received a friend request from the person who had won the last match with a message inviting him to join them for some doubles. Grian accepted after a moment of thought, they seemed polite enough. They had left him for last when it would’ve been way easier and much more convenient to just continue their clockwise sweep.

It didn’t take Grian long to realize that his new companion was nicked, though to be fair, he was too. It’s not that he particularly cared when someone was nicked, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. There was something about this person, the way they held themself, the general energy around them, something that just felt so familiar. Try as he might, though, Grian couldn’t quite figure out what it was.

It was when he noticed the absolute confidence and ease in which his companion threw themself into the void that Grian finally gave in to his curiosity. Players usually avoid the void, and even if they did jump into it for strategic purposes, he's never seen anyone

recover as fast as his companion did. While they ran off to go stab someone who was getting too close to their area for comfort, Grian tried to look past their disguise. He was met with resistance, surprisingly. Usually looking past a Player being nicked was no issue. He pushed harder, it was more than just curiosity at this point, he needed to know who this was, why they were able to resist him. Somehow the results were worse this time. Grian realized with increasing bewilderment that he could no longer even see his companion. His teammate was just gone, there one moment and gone the next.

Grian blinked away the purple in his eyes, focusing on his surroundings. There were no new bridges leading away, his teammate was still in the game, and they hadn't died. Where could they have gone? He continued to scan the island when he was suddenly hit with the overwhelming sense of being watched. There, standing beside him was his teammate, eyes glowing the same purple Grian's had moments before.

"Something wrong, Grian?"

It all clicked for him then. His nicked companion was the guy he had been looking for the entire time, he’d only just now decided to reveal himself. Of course Grian’s Watcher abilities hadn’t helped, Purpled had way more power here than he did. He was just a guest in the other’s domain, he never had a chance of finding him if he hadn’t wanted to be found.

“Y’know, you could have been a lot clearer.”

“Rule 7. Besides, you figured it out, didn’t you?”

Once they reunited, the two realized they still got along well. They agreed to keep in contact, and they did. Grian would sometimes hop onto Hypixel to join Purpled for a few games—always nicked, they didn’t want the Watchers to realize they were in contact— and other times he'd drag him off to a creative world to challenge him to a game of build swap or various flying courses he’d created. The two often swapped tips and tricks for things they were good at. Grian would give Purpled lessons on building, block palettes, and flying (he argued the other only ever really using his wings while voiding didn’t count). In exchange, Purple would try to give him advice on various things he’d picked up from playing bedwars: block clutches, speedbridging, and general PvP.

When Purpled was invited onto the DreamSMP, he was fairly excited. He loved what he had going on with Hypixel and his friends there, but part of him had always wanted this. Ever since he was with the Watchers, overlooking everything on Evo and worlds before that, part of him had wished to be on the other side of things. This desire only grew stronger as he heard the tales of what Grian got up to on Hermitcraft.

The Dream SMP was nothing like he expected it to be. It turned out to be a hardcore world, only 3 “lives” allowed per player. There were also seemingly infinite respawns, though, which made no sense. He wasn’t sure which was more annoying: the unclear respawn rules or the fact that he was never told about them before he agreed to join.

Besides that, there was also some entity with a great amount of power, even more than the admin himself. Purpled had noticed their presence fairly quickly upon joining and he was immediately on edge. He had no information on the being, their power, their motives, nothing. And that felt dangerous. Purpled had unintentionally ended up falling back into old habits from working with the Watchers as he tried to establish himself in this world. He claimed land for his own, carving out his own domain within that of the unknown god while trying to avoid catching their attention. Eventually, once he was comfortable enough within the world, he began trying to reach out, trying to get involved in the things that were happening. He heard there was a war brewing, and if he learned anything from Grian, things were about to get really fun.

They didn’t.

His attempts to involve himself mostly failed, so he went back to doing what he had before. He claimed more and more land and continued watching over events from the sidelines. Things got serious, conflicts got personal, and unless he was directly pulled in by someone he considered a friend, Purpled just watched.

Anyway my excuse for whatever is going on with their designs is that Watchers can control how they are perceived. This is my city and I want them to have cool wings. Also Peggy was supposed to be my impulse control but the memo got lost in the mail and she never got it, so she enabled me instead. Now we have both funky dragon/parrot vibes on Grian and vague alien/phantom/vex vibes on Purpled

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Birthday Celebration Master List

In My Way- Kakashi has a job to do, but there’s a familiar face in the crowd that tells him it won’t be as easy as he originally thought. Rated: T

The Little Things- Kakashi has noticed Iruka struggling with a few things now that they’re older. He decides to try and help his husband out in any way he can, without being noticed. Rated: G

Sleep Overs And Ghost Stories- Naruto informs Kakashi that he has invited his friends over for a sleepover at their ranch that night. Knowing he can’t do everything himself to get ready to host a bunch of kids, Kakashi calls in some help. Rated: T

Hello, Princess: Parties have never been Kakashi’s favourite scene, but they’re a necessary part of his job protecting the prince. Thankfully, this time, he finds someone to keep him entertained. Rated: G

Worst Flirt Ever- Sakura’s one of Kakashi’s best workers. Always alert and helping the customers. So when he notices her distracted by a customer during rush hour, he decides it’s time to intervene. Rated: G

Stunning Choice- In the middle of a heist, Kakashi notices that Tenzo’s nowhere to be seen. Rated: T

This Is Not Relaxing: A day off was something special. Time for shinobi to relax and enjoy themselves. Apparently, Tsunade-sama has different plans for Kakashi’s day off. Rated: G

Why Protect Them?- Revenge is something Kakashi has been seeking since he left Konoha. For the pain he felt, the life he lives, the hatred he faced. Yet, when he thinks he has finally gotten that revenge he still feels empty. As if there’s something else for him to do. A masked Shinobi shows up to tell him just what it is he’s missing. Rated: T

Let Me Prove Myself: Kakashi finds himself arguing for a change in the roster for his mission, and receives support from an unexpected source. Rated: G

Jokes On You-After a long morning of training, Sakura feels like taking a nap. Possibly the biggest mistake she has ever made. Rated: G

High School Crushes- Sakura and Kakashi are setting up for the LGBTQ+ club when an unexpected guest shows up, and Kakashi’s forced to watch awkward high school flirting. Rated: G

Yesterdays Sadness- Kakashi tries to escape the village for a while, desperate to get away from all of the ghosts that litter the streets. Unfortunately, the spot he chose to hideaway has a surprise for him. Rated: T

What's So Great About You?- No matter what he does, Kabuto can’t seem to get his business to surpass that arrogant jerk Hatake’s, and to make matters worse Hatake has made a habit out of visiting his small bakery to ‘check-in on them’. Rated: G

Mistaken Identities- Kakashi and Gai pay a visit to the Pewter city for a nice relaxing night, only to have the Pokemon Center nurse mistake them for far more embarrassing people. Rated: G

Give Us Some Scenes- It’s a routine at this point. To check their scripts, hoping for a hint of a scene with the other man. Even the smallest one. Yet, no matter how many times they look they can never seem to find one. So they decide to take matters into their own hands. Rated: G

Hello, Terrifying- Zabuza usually finds these kinds of parties to be dull, but he can’t help but stare at the unexpected visitor that seems to have everyone’s attention. Rated: M

Coffee Date- Kakashi had agreed to a coffee date dedicated to marking the last few essays he has left for last, but when he gets there he can’t help but want to do anything else. Rated: G

Stunning- The wedding is finally here, and Kakashi can’t help but feel nervous. Especially when his husband-to-be is late. Rated: G

Memories- In the middle of recovering from the Kazekage Rescue mission, Kakashi finds himself being visited by his two best friends, and reliving some memories that he’d much rather forget. Rated: G

Animal Parade- While making his way through the village, Houki can’t help but notice something odd passing him by. Especially when he realizes that his Hero, Lord Sixth, is involved. Rated: G

Time To Move On- Tsunade decides to leave the village after suffering enough lose to break even the strongest shinobi, but this time she chooses not to go alone. Rated: T

Meet My Eternal Rival- Kakashi always knew that there would come a day where his new Genin team would end up meeting Gai. He was just hoping for a little extra time, and some support from his favourite summon. Rated: G

Let's Save The Day- It's the middle of a world-ending war, everything is going wrong, and Obito can't help but think that things might work a bit better in their favour if an old friend showed up Rated: T

Hello, Sensei- Kakashi's in Konoha to have a chat with the Acadamy Sensei about a student exchange that he and the Hokage have disguised, but he's not expecting the man he's there to meet to be so... Handsome. Rated: G

The Next Generation- While Inoichi attempts to train Kakashi, Shikaku and Choza play a game of Shogi and watch. Rated: G

Game Time Flirting- The goal? Win the challenge and prove that he's the ultimate breath of the wild player. The strategy? Distract Tenzo with the worst pickup lines he can think of. Rated: T

Get To Work- All Shikamaru wants is for his boss to figure out the pay and write up his cheque before the end of his shift. It's not a lot to ask, but here he is. Watching as Kakashi wastes time flirting instead of making sure his staff get paid. Rated: G

To The Future- Now that the Fourth Great Shinobi War is over, and everything has started to settle down, Kakashi and Gai decide what to do next with their lives. Rated: G

Answer Me This: Ever since he was young, Tenzo wandered about the mark on his chest. Now that he’s a bit older, with a lot less going on in his life to distract him, he decides to seek some answers from a trusted source. Rated: G

Goodbyes Are Never Easy- Even after the Fourth Great Shinobi War, there are still those healing from the losses they suffered. Rated: G

I Love Him More: While visiting Konoha with his friend, Tenzo finds himself in an awkward situation with one Maito Gai. Aka the man of Kakashi's dreams, and the most annoying person Tenzo could ever meet.Rated: G

Take Over For Me- In the middle of training with the Sand Siblings, Baki shows up to inform Kakashi of a change of plans. Rated: T

Secret Hideaway- During a day off together, Iruka decided to show Kakashi an interesting place he found on his last adventure in Viridian forest. Rated: G

Change Of Plans- The job was to get into Onoki's party and make sure that Anko was safe while she was wooing her way into the target's bed. The problem? She's not the target's type. Rated: T

How About, No- Doing paperwork has never been Kakashi's favourite part of the job. Doing Tsunade-sama's paperwork is somehow even worse, but apparently, that's not bad enough. Kakashi's best friend has to go and make his life more ridiculous over a stupid crush. Rated: G

Out There Somewhere- After a terrible nightmare, Kakashi make's a discovery that could change everything. Rated: T

Faded Colour- On his way to complete a mission in the land of Earth, Kakashi notices a shift in his vision that could only mean one thing. His soulmate is nearby, and for some reason, he really wants to see the man. Rated: G

[longing-and-heartache-and-lust]

Prompt: Going to a Fair Relationships (romantic/platonic/etc): Geralt/Jaskier Rating: Teen Audiences And Up Content Warnings: None Summary: A beautiful thing about Toussaint is the fairs and masquerades the dutchess holds every now and then. And the big canopy beds. Oh, those are the best part.

[This one turned out to a little all over the place but I still really enjoyed writing it. Hope you’ll enjoy it too, my darlings.]

@sugar-and-spice-witcher-bingo

Crossposted on ao3 here

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"Geralt, my love, you look wonderful, stop being so hard on yourself," Jaskier says, wrapping his arms around the witcher's waist and hugging him from the back, locking eyes with him through the mirror.

Geralt doesn't really share the bard's enthusiasm. He's used to his armour, to thick black leather with only a few elements of silver, and that is what feels natural, what feels right.

A dark-crimson - almost wine-red, really - doublet with intricate embroidery in gold thread does not.

He knows that he'd agreed to this himself, knows that Jaskier had told him that if he doesn't want to go, he won't get upset with him and just go with Barnabas-Basil or one of his friends. But Geralt always went out of his way to make his husband happy.

So, naturally, when Jaskier told him that there's going to be a masquerade and a fair in Beauclair, he couldn't say no.

"The dutchess herself is said to be there," Jaskier murmurs against his neck, smiling encouragingly. "I'm sure she will be delighted to see you. After all, we were personally invited, weren't we?"

"Isn't the whole point of a masquerade is for the participants not to recognise each other?" Geralt tries, weakly.

"Oh, don't be like that," Jaskier huffs, waving a hand dissmissingly. "It's going to be fun, I promise. Besides, isn't Regis going to be there?"

That's true, Geralt supposes. Regis is going to be there, which makes the event slightly more bearable. It's always nice to talk to an old friend.

"He is," he hums, adjusting the collar od his shirt. "Going to keep me company when you run off to flirt with the next pretty little thing you see."

Jaskier just laughs at that, circling Geralt to stand in front of him and take his face into his hands, getting a stray strand of silver out of his eyes.

"You know that never leads to anything," he smiles, leaning in to touch the witcher's dry lips with his own. "I can innocently flirt with everyone I see but it's only you I love, my darling. And only you I want."

Geralt does know that. He's not even jealous, never doubting Jaskier's faithfulness but missing an opportunity to tease would've been a waste.

"I know," he finally says, stealing another kiss. "And yet, if the dutchess herself is going to be there... She's got an eye for you, you know. Would be terribly rude of you to turn down such an important woman."

Jaskier snickers and shakes his head, eyes crinkling at the corners.

"Then it's a good thing that she's not going to recognise me."

-

When they arrive, the event is already in full swing.

Jaskier's eyes light up at the music that flows through the garden and the way he squeezes Geralt's hand suddenly makes the entire thing worth it in the witcher's mind.

Jaskier looks breathtaking in his dark-blue silk suit, the silver mask hiding just enough of his face for it to be almost impossible to recognise him yet leaving enough open for Geralt to still have the option of pulling his close and kissing him. in the witcher's mind, it couldn't be more perfect.

"May I hear the password?" asks one of the guards at the gates, his own face hidden behind a mask with a long beak.

"Waterlilies," Jaskier says, repeating what's been written in their invitations.

The guard nods and gestures to the doors.

"If you'll be so kind as to follow me," he says. "Our most generous dutchess Anna Henrietta has arranged a room for you so that you don't have to make a long journey back home at night."

There is nothing about Jaskier's expression - half-hidden by the mask - that gives away his delight but Geralt knows him well enough to be able to smell it on him. Jaskier is, after all, of a noble family, a court man, and Geralt knows just how much he loves it when he's treated like one, even though most of the time he happily trades it for the life on the Path.

Corvo Bianco, it seemed, was the perfect middle ground.

They follow the guard through the garden and into a big, richly decorated estate with stained-glass windows and luscious flowers hanging in big round pots. The guard takes them to the upper floor, opens the door with a key and gestures for Geralt and Jaskier to step inside and make themselves comfortable.

"If there shall be anything you need, the servants are on the ground floor, you need only call," he says, adjusting the cuffs of his sleeves and handing Jaskier the key. "Enjoy your night, gentleman."

With that, he bows and leaves, leaving Jaskier and Geralt alone in the room.

"Oh, this reminds me of home," Jaskier sighs, a smile on his lips as he falls onto a truly enormous canopy bed covered with red velvet.

"Of home?" Geralt echoes, almost feeling out of place in such a rich interior.

"Well, you know, my childhood home," Jaskier says, propping himself up on both elbows. "I have to be honest with you, Geralt, I miss all of this from time to time."

The witcher comes closer, sits on the edge of the bed, runs his hand over the velvet and sighs, content. It does feel nice.

"Do you think we could get a bed like this for the vineyard?" Jaskier asks, pushing him down onto his back and lying down next to him, finding Geralt's hand and bringing it up to his lips to press a kiss to the knuckles. "It's not only amazing to sleep in but also-" his eyes light up behind his mask, and Geralt knows a little too well what that means. "Look at those poles, my love. I could let you tie my wrists to them if you were to wish for it."

Oh, that sounds tempting.

"Hmm," Geralt hums, non-commital. "Sounds intriguing. Though I might need to try first and then decide. After all, finding this kind of bed is not easy."

It takes Jaskier a second to understand what exactly it is that Geralt is saying but then he gasps in mock offence and shoves him in the shoulder with no real force.

"Preposterous!" he gasps, a hand over his heart. "This is the dutchess' cousin's summer residence, and this is, I'm more than sure, the best guest bedroom. Anarietta herself might be sleeping in this bed while visiting."

"Yes," Geralt says simply, knowing that all of that only adds to Jaskier's interest. "And tonight this bed is ours."

-

Before that conversation can take them anywhere, Jaskier demands they go back to the garden.

Geralt doesn't object, just follows the bard down the stairs and helps him adjust his doublet before they step out the door. He feels just a little strange with his hair done up in a complicated bun but then again, Jaskier told him that it will help the witcher be even less recognisable, and there was never anything that Geralt could deny him.

The disguise was, it seemed, working effectively for they've almost bumped into Anarietta - Geralt recognised her by smell - when passing the gates again but she didn't notice them. Or, at least, she didn't come up to them, to Geralt's immeasurable relief. He'd only ever said it to Jaskier but the dutchess was getting on his nerves and if he could avoid her, he gladly did just that.

"There's a Gwent tournament somewhere in the north side of the garden, as far as I'm aware," Jaskier says, making a non-descriptive gesture in the general direction, as they walk past a table with all sorts of baked sweets. "If you're interested."

Even with Jaskier, Geralt feels somewhat out of place at an event like this. And a few rounds of Gwent sound like a perfect way to forget about it.

"Sounds tempting," he says, reaching to brush his fingers over Jaskier's and take his hand into his own. He's still getting used to it. "Though you know I prefer to play with you."

Jaskier rolls his eyes in fond exasperation.

"That's because every time we play, you insist that we play strip Gwent, knowing perfectly that you're a better player than me," he chuckles. "Honestly, Geralt, all you need to do for me to undress is ask."

"I know," the witcher grins, pulling Jaskier closer to shamelessly press a kiss to his cheek. "But where's the fun in that?"

-

He plays a few rounds without Jaskier, winning effortlessly every time while the bard is making new acquaintances by the wine vault where there are multiple tables with all the best blends of reds and whites.

Geralt can't see him but he can hear him, Jaskier's voice soft and beautiful as he tells a group of young women stories about Skellige. They all gasp almost in unison when the bard tells them about that one time when they've been travelling between the islands on a boat and nearly drowned when a pack of sirens toppled it over.

Geralt chuckles to himself, knowing perfect that they were never in any real danger for it was near the coast of And Skellig and if anything happened, fishermen or sailors would've picked them up almost immediately.

Jaskier refers to him as "my husband", not giving away any names, including his own, and every time the witcher hears that, a little piece of his heart seems to melt. It's been more than five years since they've gotten married but in a way, Geralt is still not used to it.

When the time is moving towards late evening, Jaskier joins him at the table, nodding a greeting to Geralt's opponent and leaning down to brush his lips over the witcher's cheek.

"Winning, my love?" he asks, blushing just a little when Geralt pulls him into his lap.

"As usual," he grins, to great displeasure to the man across the table.

Jaskier murmurs something content, throwing his arms around Geralt's neck and sneaking a look at his cards. Geralt tries to hide them from him but the bard scratches his shoulder through the doublet and that's all it really takes for the witcher to give up and let him see.

Geralt's a long-time player and his deck is pretty much as good as it gets, nearly every gold card there is being in his possession but it's the final round and Geralt's opponent's got four cards in hand while as the wither only ahs three. By now it mostly depends on luck. But Jaskier might just know a way to get it onto their side.

"Win this round for me," he murmurs into Geralt's ear, quiet enough only for him to hear. "And I'll think about what you said back in the bedroom."

Geralt's golden eyes light up with a flame that Jaskier knows well enough to know that his words have been effective.

It all goes very fast from there. Though Geralt's only got one gold card in hand, it's a Cirilla card which has the power of fifteen and that is what ends up getting him the win, when the man across the table, with his overall score of sixteen, throws a water card onto the table, making both of Geralt's archers drop from four to one.

He wins by just one point, but he wins.

Jaskier can feel his heart flutter with anticipation as Geralt grins at his opponent, reaching over the table to get the coin they've put up. It's a rather impressive amount. The other player must be a count or something like that.

He's clearly not too happy about losing his gold but he takes it as a good player, standing up and shaking Geralt's hand with a congratulation. Then, he wishes them both a pleasant evening and leaves, waving to someone by the fountain.

"I won," Geralt states, still grinning and oh so pleased with himself. "What was it that you said, bard? If I win, what is it that you're going to think about?"

Jaskier laughs and pulls him into an affectionate kiss, one hand coming up to cup the sharp of the witcher's jaw.

"You just wait until we're back in the bedroom, my dearest."

-

It's closer to midnight when they finally find Regis.

Or, rather, when Regis finds them.

"Fascinating how people always seem to want to disguise themselves," he says instead of a greeting, appearing out of nowhere, just like he always does. "And how they seem more attracted to each other when they don't know who is hiding behind the mask."

He's got a full-black velvet suit on, adorned with raven feathers, and a matching mask that hides most of his face. If it wasn't for his voice, Jaskier would've never recognised him.

"Mystery is always thrilling," the bard smiles, taking a sip of his Est-Est. "There's something irresistibly captivating about a man in a mask. A woman, too, of course, but women are mysterious creatures in general."

Regis nods knowingly and also raises his wineglass.

"Yes, women are... A mystery no man will ever solve."

They all fall silent for a couple of moments, and even though Jaskier knows that Geralt is thinking about Yennefer, there is no more pain. There hasn't been, for years now.

It took them a long time to figure it all out, to talk everything over, and though it would come with tears what seemed like every time, eventually, it was all over. And it brought them so close that if Jaskier had to go through all of that again twice, he would.

"Well, my dearest friends," Regis finally says, breaking the silence. "I've heard that there are prize-winning games starting at midnight, would you care to join me in testing my luck?"

-

Regis turns out to be a rather talented fisherman.

That is, given that what he's fishing for is a gold ring with a bright-red ruby in the centre - one of the three main possible prizes in the game.

The other players look at him with both jealousy and fascination, loud applause echoing through the garden.

Regis looks very pleased with himself - as much as Jaskier can tell, keeping the mask in mind - but it's only when they leave the deck of the pond that he asks for Jaskier's hand and places the ring into his palm.

"Beautiful work," he says, closing Jaskier's hand around the ring before he has the chance to refuse. "But it just so happens that gold suits you better, my friend."

"Regis-" Jaskier breathes out. "I cannot accept this. You've won it, it's yours."

Regis smiles - one of those tight-lipped smiles of his that doesn't show his teeth.

"I'm afraid I must insist," he says. "If it puts your mind at ease, I don't wear jewellery at all. It gets in the way of making my medications."

"Of making your moonshine, you meant to say," Geralt chuckles teasingly.

"The most effective out of all of my elixirs, my friend."

Jaskier knows said elixir a little too well and shakes his head with a fond smile, opening his hand to examine the ring closer.

"Thank you, Regis," he smiles. "I shall treasure this gift forever."

-

Geralt refrains from any other games, saying that he's very happy with his winnings from Gwent and doesn't want to push his luck any further.

Jaskier, however, overhears that there is a bardic competition about to start and he nearly runs, having grabbed Geralt by the hand. They get there just in time for him to take one on the last remaining places.

All of the participants are given their preferred instruments and are told to improvise for three and a half minutes. Whoever comes up with the best song and gets the loudest applause, shall win five long ribbons of the finest Toussaint silk that the winner can then take to a seamstress and get their clothes adorned. Jaskier's eyes shine like the stars above when he sees the royal-blue ribbon.

Geralt and Regis take their places in the audience, the witcher secretly worried, and try their absolute best at hyping Jaskier up by rolling their eyes at the other participant's songs to indicate just how non-impressive all of those attempts are.

Jaskier smiles at them from behind his mask and giggles when Regis implies that he's so bored by one of the songs that he's about to turn into smoke and disappear.

When it comes to Jaskier's turn, the bard adjusts the collar of his doublet and the cuffs of his sleeves, stands up because he hates to perform sitting down, runs his fingers over the lute strings and takes his first note, practised and beautiful, as always.

He sings about two people meeting at a masquerade and falling on love with each other immediately. Sings about them kissing in the dark alleyways of the garden and promising each other the stars. And sings about them not recognising each other when they cross paths the next morning while also searching for one another. They part, having nearly touched hands at the gates, to always look for each other, aching with love, but never meet again.

By the time Jaskier touches the strings one last time, half the audience is wiping at their eyes, including Regis.

It's an immediate win and Jaskier shines with it when the judge hands him his silk ribbons and compliments both his singing and his lyrics.

"Such a beautiful story," Regis says when Jaskier joins them. "Tragic romance is never going to get old."

Geralt can almost smell Jaskier's blush.

"Thank you, my dearest," he smiles, only a little coy. "I'm going to make sure to write more pieces like this."

-

When they part, it's nearly dawn.

Most of the games and shows are over, the tables with food and wine nearly empty, and all the guests start slowly making their way home.

Jaskier isn't necessarily tired but he's grateful to all the gods he knows that there is no need to ride back to Corvo Bianco.

When they're saying their goodbyes, Geralt invites Regis to come visit them for a day or two - or even a week, he says - and Regis, in turn, suggest they come visit him at his crypt. Jaskier realises that they've knows each other for so long now that it doesn't even sound strange to him.

Nearly all the guests are already gone when they get back to their room.

"Remind me to send a note to the dutchess to express our gratitude for being so considerate," Jaskier says, shrugging off his doublet and rolling his sore shoulders.

Geralt just hums, non-commital.

"That song you've played," he says, letting his hair down which is a gorgeous sight to see. "Had it really been an improvised one?"

Jaskier blushes under the gaze of his golden eyes, untying the laces of his mask. Geralt's always read him like an open book.

"No," he admits, averting his eyes when the witcher comes closer. "I've composed it a few weeks ago, when we've just gotten the invitations."

"Hmm," Geralt hums again, his half-grin making Jaskier's heart stutter for what seems like the millionth time. "Thought of me?"

The bard blushes even further, grateful the dim light of the fireplace is making it less apparent.

"Always think of you," he says, leaning into the touch when Geralt hugs him from the back and noses at his neck.

Geralt breathes a pleased noise against his neck, low and rumbling, knowing a little too well just how much of a weakness it is for the bard.

"Of course you do," he murmurs, undoing the buttons of Jaskier's shirt one by one without looking and leaving long hot kisses on his neck.

Jaskier lets out a shaky breath, throwing his head onto Geralt's shoulder and just forgetting about everything else for a few long moments before the witcher slips the shirt from his own shoulders to take it off, and he has to put the silk ribbons he's still holding down. They're all incredibly beautiful, they really are but as he sets them down onto a small round table, it's a pale-lilac one that catches his eye.

"What are you going to do with them?" Geralt enquires, letting the fabric of Jaskier's shirt fall to their feet and trailing his kisses down, onto his shoulders. "Order a new doublet from the court seamstress? Or change up one of those that you already have?"

Jaskier picks the lilac ribbon up, unties the bow that's keeping it folded, wraps it around his wrist once, twice, and pulls to see how it feels. The silk is pleasantly cool against his skin.

He bites his lips and turns around in Geralt's arms to lock eyes with him and run his hand through his hair.

"I might have a better idea."

[kessielrg]

[Kingdom Hearts] Of Memes and Regrets

Summary: In which Lea has a guest star for his YouTube's next Let's Play, and she perfectly steals the show from him.... again. [oneshot][platonic LeaxOC (AxelxOC)]

Rating: K+

Word Count: 2,412 words

If you liked this story, please reblog!

---

Lea glanced at the timer placed by his monitors and nearly tisked at the time.

She was late.

With a rather tired sigh, Lea started to work on making sure his software was still working right. Maybe while he was fiddling around with stuff, Sabrina would join the video chat so they could get a session done. He knew he should have asked Roxas to join again. Xion would be great to bring in too, if she wasn’t too busy working on her next article for her school’s paper. But alas, his subscribers had spoken, and they wanted Miss Priss and her insatiable need to annoy everyone. Especially him, apparently.

Not that he could blame them, she was great on camera.

Lea hummed as he booted up the game they were going to play. It was a review copy he had gotten a few days back, and he was actually looking forward to bumping it. He would be the first to admit to not being a big fan of the original franchise, but the graphics were crisp and the controls were smoother than butter. He knew Sabrina would have an appreciation for it too; as far as he could tell, the female characters were dressed sensibly- not at all designed just for the male gaze. They could have some fun talks about it when she got here. If she got here.

With the game running as expected, Lea started screen recording. He got a few minutes down before turning on his webcam as well. His face appeared on the screen to his left, with the game and recording software on the right. It was a good time to adjust lights while he was at it. Once that was settled, he began recording from the webcam as well. Lea admired himself in the webcam feedback for a moment. It was always better to overshoot, even if you weren’t really doing anything more than vocal warmups and adjusting your lighting.

Lea cleared his throat a bit before going through with his intro. He kept his tone bright and energetic. It was bad form to go in this early at full blast, but if Sabrina wasn’t going to remember their agreement, then he’d have to make due.

“Hey everybody, welcome back to AxelotlGaming! I’m Axel, and we were going to have a guest. Turns out she’s not coming, because at this point, we are well past being fashionably late.” Lea moved a bit away from the mic before grumbling, “It would’ve been nice if she actually bothered to tell me when she wasn’t coming. Could’ve been halfway through a recording by now.” He grimaced before remembering that he was still recording, so he turned back to the camera with a wide grin. He realized he was going to cut out a lot of his annoyance in editing later if he kept this up. The show always goes on, and whatnot.

“With or without our guest,” he went on to say to the webcam, “We’ve been sponsored to play the new-”

He hated to admit that he jumped when the ping for someone joining the video chat chimed. Lea quickly ended his recording softwares and accepted the newcomer. A new face appeared on the same monitor he kept his webcam feedback on, and he grimaced at seeing them.

“You’re late.” he huffed. He swiveled his car a bit just to glare at her feedback directly. Lea then almost proceeded to get knocked out of his seat looking at her.

Sabrina was a natural beauty and knew it. She was always light on her makeup regimen unless she was going to be seen on video or photograph. Today she did not plan on disappointing; her lips were painted a deep red, her cheeks the faintest of pinks to give the illusion of being an absolute sweetheart, and even the color around her eyes make them look more expressive. It was rather impressive- she must have worked on that for a good hour just to make sure she didn’t look like a raccoon.

“And now you realize why I’m late.” Sabrina smoothly told him, folding her arms with a smirk on her face. Even through the webcam, she looked so in control of everything. Lea didn’t know if it infuriated him, or was genuinely impressed.

“Yeah, yeah,” he said with a wave of his hand. “But know this, princess; just because I have an arguably easy job on paper, it doesn’t mean I don’t keep a schedule too. Got it memorized?”

“Just hire an editor.” she told him in the least of caring tones.

“No way!” he argued back. “I’ve got a certain method to my madness, and I’m not going to have someone else get their fingerprints all over it.”

“What a funny way of saying that no one else is as deranged as you.”

“Enough talk,” Lea then said to her with a clap of his hands, “We should be halfway through a session by now. Start up the game and make it snappy.”

Sabrina gave him a little wave of her hand before doing as she was told. She must have known how late she was- usually when someone told her to do something, her instinct was to react with the opposite. As she did that, Lea also went over his recording equipment and made sure he was recording as well.

“I’m ready when you are,” he decided. “Are you recording everything on your end?”

“Looks like it.” she agreed. Her eyes looked elsewhere for a moment- likely to check if everything was running smooth enough. When her eyes went back to the webcam, she settled back a bit in preparation for the next hour or so of recording.

“Are you doing the intro today?” she asked, gently placing a hand under her chin.

“My show, isn’t it?” Lea smirked. Knowing that she was ready meant it was time to start recording again. About time, too.

“Alright princess, put on your video face.” he warned her. “We’re getting serious in three… two…”

Both of them shifted in their spots slightly to appear more presentable. Lea gave them a few more moments of getting comfortable before going through his intro.

“Hey everybody, welcome back to AxelotlGaming! I’m Axel, and today I’ve got a very special guest. Special guest, why don’t you introduce yourself. Not that you need it, of course.”

“Of course.” Sabrina smoothly agreed, even twisting a piece of her hair. She looked at the webcam before giving a double wave to it. Her voice carried a perkiness never seen before as she said, “Hey guys! You asked for me, so here I am! Your favorite Lady Sabi here to show up, ah, I mean, play with Axel today.”

“So humble.” Lea playfully retorted. Sabrina only gave a wide -rather smug- smile in return.

“What are we playing today, Axel?” she cheerfully chirped. For a moment, Lea wondered if he was friends with a bubbly airhead instead of a pessimistic downer.

“We’ve been sponsored to play the new Blue Bomber MMO called ‘Renegade Chaser.’” he said, gesturing his hands to the side. He’ll edit in the box art during post. “Designed with old and new fans alike, Renegade Chaser can be played online and off with both multiplayer and single player modes.”

“Sell out.” Sabrina coughed into her hand.

“Yeah, well,” Lea mused, “Not all of us get free stuff just by looking pretty on Instagram. Of course, with almost a million followers at PrincessSabiAes2012, you’ve almost got enough influence to carry this channel on your own.”

“Nice plug.”

“Why thank you.”

“Bad rep for you though.”

“Why thank you.”

Sabrina let out a genuine laugh at his misfortune. But this was the kind of repertoire his subscribers enjoyed between them. Just hearing her laugh gave him a vision of a future comment along the lines of ‘hearing Sabi laugh at Axel adds 9,999 years to my life.’ Too bad the actual object of Sabrina’s -disguised- affection wasn’t on YouTube much, let alone have an account. Which was all for the best- he didn’t want to admit it, but Ventus got jealous real easy. Embarrassingly easy, depending on who you asked.

“Now that you’ve harassed me and we’re not even a minute in, how about we pop into game and see what we’ve got?”

“Let’s.” Sabrina agreed with a sweet little nod. 

Lea stole a look at her as she adjusted some things on her end to make sure her game footage was being recorded. Lea chastised himself for being so focused on her. He needed to stop getting distracted by her Clark Kent-ing her onscreen persona. But the switch was just so… uncanny, to put it in the nicest terms possible. There’s no wonder that despite her near million followers, Sabrina had yet to be recognized by any of them in person.

Lea shivered before continuing with his show. Two minutes of recording down, another 58 to go.

. . .

You could tell Sabrina was having a hard time getting used to the game because for ten straight minutes she did nothing but harass Lea instead. Not that it wasn’t to be expected- she was a puzzle girl, not a shoot-em-up girl. That being said, once she figured out the controls, she was nigh unstoppable. She even managed to figure out the special weapons before Lea could. Of course he called her a cheater for it. As long as it was in good fun, who really cared- right?

Another disorienting thing about Sabrina; she kept going from her usual snark to bubbly sunshine in mere seconds. The true (or as true as she wanted to be) part of her came through when she was at her most frustrated. It was yet another thing that his regular viewers came to appreciate of her. A lot of viewers really hated her bubbly self, even though it was arguably when she dished the most one-liners. Lea knew she was actually having a good time when she let the side of her he usually saw come through. That little lady knew how to be a savage and thrived in it.

One such occasion happened during this session. While the two were playing around with the various modes the game had, Lea had found a one-on-one free-for-all that the two took to immediately. Sabrina got so into beating him that he had to talk directly to her or else all commentary would have gone flat. Every word that came out of Sabrina’s mouth was straight from her mind, with no conscious censoring in the slightest. Lea feared so much for her that he intentionally threw the match. He did put up a fight- but it was definitely one of their shorter matches. Sabrina didn’t seem to notice as the victory screen appeared for her.

“Yes!” Sabrina gleefully declared, slamming her hands into her desk before giving her chair a spin. As the chair slowly came to a halt, she threw one of her hands over her head and gave an absolutely satisfied expression.

Lea knew right away that the moment his viewers saw that reaction, there were going to be memes of it. He could practically see them now- a really poor screenshot of that slightly worrying pose she was making, Impact font saying stuff like 'when bae buys you tacos without asking' or 'when Lea's such a moron and makes winning easy.' He'd have to ask her for her footage. He could emphasize the moment to help make some of those insufferable jpegs look slightly better.

It wouldn't have been so bad, but Sabrina was already the source of one of his channel's memes. 'Scrub my feet, peasant' was a line uttered during one Monopoly match that did not go in Lea's favor. Sabrina had also made a rather memorable pose in her chair, coupled with a rather smug face. It became so popular that Lea had to get her permission to make it into a t-shirt. Both Sabrina and his viewers had yet to live it down; Sabrina wearing the shirt anytime she knew the two of them would be in the same room together, and his viewers still made comments that referenced the line.

Good thing she was more of an Instagram queen and not a YouTuber. Lea would probably lose half his subscribers the moment she actually posted videos of her own.

“Heh, I let you win, my lady.” Lea boasted. This realization came to Sabrina with a slow grimace.

“You did.” she said in disappointment. She then smirked at him (not at the camera, but him directly on the screen), before spitting, “There are other ways to flirt with me than making me look superior to you.”

“Oh yeah?” Lea snorted. “Like what?”

Sabrina then smirked like she was taking on a challenge.

“Oh Axel,” she purred into her microphone. Almost immediately, Lea could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. “If you wanted a mistress to teach you how bad of a boy you are, you could have just asked. This doesn’t have to be hard.” She paused for a moment, just to make it dramatic. “Unless you want to be…”

Lea was dead certain that his soul left his body for a hot second. His face absolutely betrayed him, though. He looked away just to hide how red it was.

“Oh well, just look at the time.” Lea decided, already reaching for the keyboard key to finish the recording. “We’re all gamed out for the day. Thank you for watching!”

“But Axel, we still have ten-”

“Thanks for watching!” he loudly declared before smacking the keyboard key. Not long after, his head hit the desk in both relief and frustration.

“Are you alright?” Sabrina questioned, a teasing smirk still on her lips.

“God I hate you.”

“You gonna be alright with that nosebleed?”

“Shut up.” Lea whined.

Sabrina just laughed at him. To rub salt into the wound, she ended the video chat mid-laugh. It was far too effective in leaving a phantom image of her on his mind. Lea let out another groan as he thought about his viewers’ reaction. This was going to be an episode to remember, he had no doubt about it. It was likely going to fuel even more rumors that the two had the hots for each other- which was the last thing he wanted.

He really needed to stop inviting her back.

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E30 (August 14, 2018)

Note: Storms in my area tonight were messing with my internet, so I had a few brief outages to contend with!

Tonight’s guests are Laura Bailey and Travis Willingham AND THE TEENY BABY. Everyone is understandably distracted. Brian: “Let’s just show the baby for an hour.”

Announcements: Electric Beargaloo is up on CR’s YouTube, and a limited-run Honey Heist t-shirt is available on the store!

@critrolestats for this episode: 

Fjord, Jester, and Yasha were missing for 6 days in-game (Laura and Travis were gone for 6 weeks out-of-game).

Jester’s cast Cure Wounds 38 times and Healing Word 6 times. Cure Wounds is her most-cast spell. Laura: “I am so happy about Taliesin making another healer. Me, personally. Inflict Wounds! Inflict Wounds! Inflict Wounds! Spiritual Weapon! Toll the Dead!” Travis: “That’s the mother of our child.”

Travis was definitely intending to distance himself from Grog with Fjord’s more sensitive character. A lot of Fjord’s backstory is based on things that happened in Travis’s own childhood, and while he’d normally want to keep those things protected, he was curious to see what it would feel like to share those with a character, and he’s already feeling a stronger sense of investment in that sense. Laura asks if he likes Fjord more than Grog. Travis: “I can’t really love anyone more than Grog right now, because Grog is bae.” Maybe in fifteen levels... He talks about how expectations shifted toward him in real life after he went through a growth spurt and came back to school as one of the tallest kids in his class: as a parallel to that, Fjord is being perceived as so handsome and charming and a leader after having had exactly the opposite experience through most of his life.

Jester does feel a bit abandoned by the Traveler. “This terrible thing happened, and nothing helped her in those dark moments when she was asking for him.” Laura doesn’t want to get into it too much, since it’ll come into play in the game. Is this the worst thing Jester’s ever experienced? Laura: “Well, yeah. Jester hasn’t done hardly anything.”

Jester doesn’t feel especially guilty, but “she wants everybody to be happy and wants to make other people happy, so in this situation where she’s the least happy she’s ever been, there’s an extreme desire to fix it.”

Emotional healing is much more important to Jester than physical healing.

Fjord didn’t really know how much he might’ve been worth to the rest of the Nein. He thought they might’ve come for Jester or Yasha, but not him. Travis: “Maybe not that far. Just from what he’d seen so far, he thought, ‘Nah, we’re lost, they’re not going to come for us. There’s so much they have to do.’”

Laura wanted to cast Sending (even if it was totally unhelpful), but Matt told her it wasn’t possible in her current situation: they knew how to deal with casters, and she wasn’t able to talk.

Gif of the Week: Jester dancing.

Laura was really bummed not to get to say goodbye to Kiri. They both wished they could’ve made it to the live show. They’re also super disappointed they didn’t get to play with Sumalee and Ashly.

Fjord’s “going to endeavor to keep trying to look out for everybody. He’s just hard on himself for a momentary lapse of perception. He’s going to be more motivated to take care of some shit.”

Laura and Travis realize that Fjord and Jester can both disguise themselves. Travis: “We could bone with anyone and anyone else! We can take suggestions.” Brian: “I’m thinking of some merch ideas.”

Taliesin sent Laura and Travis Caduceus’ art before anyone else. He checked in with Laura to make sure she was okay with another cleric, and she was really happy. Laura: “His domain is totally different from mine. A lot of times with Jester, I couldn’t do a lot of spells in the RP aspect of the game, because I had to save them for in case there was a battle we were playing. There are so many fun just-fuck-with-people spells she has.”

First impressions of Clay? Laura: “I love his hair.” Travis: “The dude abides. I didn’t even feel like an insight check was necessary. He just seemed so positive and nonplussed and go-with-the-flow. I think a little chillness was needed. If he freaks out and goes all rage monster, I will love him even more. He’s gonna eat people.”

Travis and Laura didn’t have any plans going in regarding their reactions to Molly. Laura: “I didn’t expect to get so emotional over it.” They were jumping in and out of watching episode 26, since they had a one-week-old baby at the time. Later in the night, they pulled the episode up and realized Taliesin wasn’t there... and found out from the chat what had happened. “We fucking go have one baby...” Laura: “Molly would still be alive if we were there. I feel like we would’ve told them to run.” Travis: “It was still a good plan, though, honestly. The dice just screwed them.”

Absorbing Summer’s Dance was “most definitely” Fjord’s tribute to Molly and wanting to get him vengeance. It was especially hard because they were roommates the entire time. “Fjord has never really had friends or companions, much less somebody you had to talk to every night before you crashed out. As crazy and different as Molly was from Fjord, he never judged Fjord.” Fjord’s last conversation with Molly was about how the ship exploded and what happened, and it was “the first time Fjord started to trust somebody with that shit, and he got fucking killed.”

Jester’s taking being a cleric much more seriously because she doesn’t want more friends to die, and she’s starting to understand the stakes of what she does. The cleric-related jealousy of Caduceus was a bit of bleed-through. Laura: “I need to remember that I’m the one that’s competitive and Jester is not. Because that definitely is my go-to.” Brian: “Yeah, you in real life are much closer to Vex than to Jester.”

Fanart of the Week: a great combat group-shot!

Both Jester and Fjord’s primary motivations have changed. Travis: “A little less seeking outside answers and knowledge to things that aren’t really going to help.” Laura: “Jester’s primary motivation of just wanting to bring joy has maybe increased even more. We’ll see how far that goes.” Travis really wants Jester to go dark. “See, now I’m sad that I made Jester happy. But I do think as we level up, Jester’s Spiritual Weapon should get more and more badass. A lollipop with spiky sugar on it or something. Rock candy mace.”

Fjord saw the Cloven Crystal reveal as just another sign of the universe telling him, “Fucking get after it, son.”

Matt gave them a five-minute summary of what went down right before the game, and then left it up to them to work out how they’d play it in-game.

Laura thinks the Gentleman’s bad news. Travis: “Oh, you think? He took fuckin’ samples of our blood.” Laura’s pretty sure he’s tied in with the slavers in some way, but Jester hasn’t got enough information to get suspicious in-game.

Fjord was genuinely impressed with Jester’s ability to---to him---sound upbeat even in captivity.

Fjord was starting to become comfortable that maybe the Nein looked to him for some sort of leadership, which he’d only had some brief experience with during his days on ships, but that took a pretty hard hit. Travis: “He’s encouraged to see Caleb as a team player and looking out for others, and that the first thing he tried to do was make us feel better. He expected a fair amount of, ‘You fucked up.’” Laura: “He was really, really nice.”

Laura reveals that Jester’s actually a cannibal serial killer. You... heard it here... first?

Fjord was surprised to see how much growth there was for Beau in the six days they were gone. “She seems mature, responsible. She didn’t punch any kids. It’s awesome.”

Jester thinks Yasha’s wings "look really badass”. She also doesn’t think anyone has as close a tie with their deity as she has with the Traveler (at least, before this recent uncertainty).

It’s tough for Fjord (but not so much Jester) knowing they can’t achieve revenge against Lorenzo, but they’re still hopeful for closure. Fjord would consider a good kill with Molly’s sword to be closure. Travis: “It’ll be taking care of the group, making sure something like that doesn’t happen again.” Jester: “I don’t know what will get it for Jester, honestly.”

Talks Machina: Are We Out Of Time Yet?

Ronin’s class? He’s very loud, so maybe a bard, but he has monk-like kicks. They think he might’ve been learning from Laura’s battle-heavy VO sessions in the womb.

Laura loved the “case closed” moment, even though when she first heard about it, her initial thought was “Nott closed a case without me!?!”

Travis was surprised that nobody else perked up at the description of the Cloven Crystal. Laura: “Nobody cares about your backstory but you.” Dani: “I care!” Travis: “THANK you, Dani!”

It was really hard for them to miss the first episode in the new studio, since it was such a milestone. They also hate that they missed the first PC death.

Sumalee got booked on a new TV show, and mentioned on Twitter that the first thing she got asked was what it was like to be on Critical Role.

They reminisce about Liam’s evil one-shot they played with Ashly and talk about how vicious Travis gets when he’s not on your side. Endgame for Fjord? Chaotic evil, clearly.

At Ren Faire a few years ago, Travis went missing from the group after some drinking. They eventually found him at a rare coin stand, and he showed off an old coin he’d just bought. Brian: “I’m like, ‘How much did it cost?’ And he just looked down.” Travis: “DON’T SAY THE NUMBER.” Brian: “The shame immediately kicked in.” Laura also dropped a dagger in a porta-potty. Brian: “The Ren Faire takes a toll.”

We fade out on Brian walking away while Laura and Travis sing ‘You’ll Be in My Heart’. As you do.

[incorrectdanganronpaquotes]

“Ultimates Play” (a.k.a. Let’s Player AU)

Hey, Mod Snake here! So I realize that I’ve been sort of lax on my part in the 2K celebration. This has been mostly to the fact that I’ve been working on my senior thesis, and it’s been absolute hell trying to motivate myself to do anything with that nightmare hanging over my head. But now the thesis is officially over and I can finally get around to posting something I’ve been meaning to post for a while: an AU concept called “Ultimates Play!” The idea of this AU is similar to the Talent Development Plan ‘verse, except that the DR1, SDR2, and NDRV3 characters share a gaming channel on YouTube called ‘Ultimates Play’. Over the years since it started, the channel has evolved into sort of a Rooster Teeth-style project, with dozens of different series done by many different hosts. There’s a lot to unpack here, so let’s just jump right in! 

General Concepts:

As you can imagine, Chiaki was the one to set up the channel; in fact, the channel was originally called “Chiaki’s Gaming Corner”, and the channel URL still reflects this. Hajime quickly became involved in the editing process, since Chiaki would frequently fall asleep before uploading the videos. Chiaki then gradually began introducing her fellow classmates, who had become interested in the games during Class 77’s meet-up times (everyone involved refuses to call them “classes”), as hosts of their own series; before long, this spread to other classes entirely. And thus, Ultimates Play was born.

Junko in this AU is still technically in despair, but the passion for video games she developed after spending some time with Chiaki helps keep her Ultimate Analyst abilities occupied, preventing her from becoming bored enough to lash out at the world. She is still extremely competitive and aggressive, particularly towards Mukuro, but in general it is typically safe to be in the same building as her.

This AU uses the “Class 79” canon for the V3 kids, similar to the Ultimate Talent Development Plan, since the Tragedy doesn’t happen in this AU.

As the channel started to get big, the group decides they need a headquarters in which to stay; they end up building it a few blocks away from Hope’s Peak. Very few of them live in the building full-time, but the building is equipped with dozens of beds anyway just in case they all happen to crash there overnight at the same time. There are also multiple TVs, so that different students can record series at the same time.

The channel is one of the top 10 most subscribed channels on YouTube, due in part to the variety of content. Of the series, Chiaki’s and Ibuki’s typically have the most views, while Celeste’s and Hajime’s have the least views.

Even though Komaru isn’t technically an Ultimate, Makoto and Toko both begged Chiaki until she was allowed to join the channel.

Individual Series:

Makoto and Kyoko have “Detective Training,” in which they play mystery games together; typically these consist of point-and-click adventure games, although sometimes they’ll do other genres if there is a sufficient mystery element. Kyoko almost always figures out the entire mystery from the start, so she basically spends the whole time trying not to spoil the twists and puzzles for Makoto. Shuichi occasionally guest stars, but he’s too self-conscious around Kyoko to make regular appearances.

Sakaya and Kaede share a series where they play rhythm games like DDR, as well as general music-themed games like Rockband; they alternate off randomly between which one is the host, never appearing in the same episode.

Toko’s primary series is “Toko’s Shovelware Spectacular”, in which she plays the worst of the worst games on the iPhone and Android app stores. Komaru makes an appearance every time there’s a multiplayer game, or whenever Toko is so genuinely shocked by a game’s shittiness that she needs a second person to confirm she’s not imagining things.

Neither Togami nor the Ultimate Imposter have a consistent theme for their series (although they tend towards real-time strategy games); however, there is something of a running joke between them. Every time Togami uploads a video on a game, Twogami will then upload a video on the same game, starting off from the same place Togami left off and claiming to be the next installment. Togami is consistently infuriated by this, but he can’t figure out how to stop it. There’s a running debate in the comments about whether the ‘second Togami’ is actually a distinct entity or just Togami playing an elaborate practical joke; this, for Togami, is the worst part of the whole thing.

Ishimaru has a series called “Upholders of Justice”, in which he plays crime-themed games (GTA, Saint’s Row, etc.) while breaking as few laws as the game will allow him to. If you’ve ever seen the Saints Row the Third episode of Monster Factory, it’s sort of like that.

Hifumi and Kazuichi have a shared series called “Love Quest 3000”, in which they play dating sims together; this is ostensibly for the purpose of figuring out how to get better at real romance, but they have yet to achieve any success in this field.

Celeste has a recurring series on gambling games, such as video poker and virtual slot machines. To her eternal fury, they are by far the least-viewed videos on the entire channel; this may be because she always wins, or because her commentary consists almost entirely of A) ‘advice’ on how to win at gambling (which boils down to “be lucky and don’t panic”), and B) reiterations of how successful she is.

While Junko doesn’t actually have a standalone series, there is a playlist named “With Junko” on the channel. This is because, rather than star in her own series, Junko will occasionally crash episodes of other series and serve as a guest commentator for the episode, typically without the approval or knowledge of the players in question. HOWEVER, Junko does co-star in a regular series called “Rose and Thorns”, in which she and Mukuro play co-op games like Portal 2 and New Super Mario Bros. You can probably imagine how well their interactions go.

Hajime did an Undertale LP.

In her continuing effort to be the most meta human being in the universe, Ibuki has only a single ongoing series: “Ibuki Plays Danganronpa”. At no point in the series does she comment on the fact that her fellow Ultimates- and indeed herself- appear in the games; the closest she comes is her DR2 LP, in which she off-handedly remarks on the similarities between herself and Ibuki in the game. There is only one exception: every time game-Ibuki’s corpse is on-screen in Chapter 3, real-Ibuki goes absolutely silent until the scene changes or she turns away. None of the other Ultimates can figure out where the hell she got these games, and she refuses to provide a straight answer.

Hiyoko and Mikan, of all people, have a shared series entitled “Super Bestest Friends Play!”; it consists pretty much entirely of Hiyoko forcing Mikan to play the weird Flash games you find on various “gaming” websites (i.e. bootleg Frozen games and the like). Hiyoko uploaded the first episode without permission from the others, and promptly found herself being threatened with stabbing by Maki, who is always on watch to make sure things don’t get too upsetting for Mikan; every once in a while you’ll hear a soft click in the background of the episodes, at which point Hiyoko will immediately and urgently apologize to Mikan and suggest a tamer game. Also, every once in a while the situation gets shaken up a bit: on at least a couple of occasions Mikan very visibly starts getting aroused by the games in question, which freaks Hiyoko out more than anything else the other Ultimates have ever seen (this is the main reason they allow the series to persist).

Gundham and Sonia have an ongoing series in which they play horror games together. Gundham constantly pretends not to be freaked out by the jumpscares, even though he is. Sonia constantly pretends to be freaked out by the atmosphere, even though she’s not. They are exactly as adorable together as you can imagine.

Gundham also has a recurring Pokémon series, covering at least one game from every Generation. He makes a dedicated effort to capture one of every Pokémon, and at the end of each playthrough he hacks in any that he can’t obtain legitimately that Gen. His videos are each at least an hour long because he can’t make himself stop playing with his Pokémon. He also cites Pokémon-Amie as the single greatest innovation in the history of the franchise.

As more and more shows started appearing on the channel, Chiaki started putting out less and less content- which suits her just fine, since it gives her more chances to play games with herself and her friends, without having to worry about making entertaining commentary. Her only ongoing series at the time of the AU is a gaming news show, where she reports on announcements about games she’s interested in, as well as discussions about what she’d like out of future games. Hajime is a recurring guest star on the series.

Komaru has a series where she plays whatever games she happens to like at the time; most of these are Nintendo games, and almost all of them are on the casual end of the spectrum. Toko regularly drops in without warning.

Mitarai has an ongoing visual novel review series, which frequently devolves into tips about drawing and commentary on anime he likes or dislikes.

Himiko has a series of RPG playthroughs, many of them unfinished. The only playthroughs she will consistently finish are Final Fantasy games, since they’re Tenko’s favorites. She also did exactly three episodes of a Kingdom Hearts LP before abandoning it, citing the story being too confusing.

Maki has a recurring series in which she plays first-person shooters in order to test their accuracy. To the hastily-suppressed delight of Kokichi (and the well-disguised amusement of everyone else in the building), Maki usually turns out to be absolutely terrible at these games, being so used to real combat situations that she can’t adapt to the artistic license of most FPS’s.

Kokichi Oma has only one series, which is entitled “Kokichi Plays Minecraft”. The series is well over a hundred episodes long, and not a single damn second of that is from Minecraft. Instead, every episode is taken from a different game, with no apparent pattern; each episode has Kokichi acting as if he’s been playing this game for several episodes, as well as alluding to various incidents that happened previously in the game (which, of course, the audience doesn’t get to see).

Tsumugi’s series is literally just makeup tutorials for cosplayers. She doesn’t seem to realize that it’s otherwise pretty much exclusively a gaming channel, and no one else has bothered to tell her.

There are plenty of other series not listed here, including some that pop up without warning and only air one or two episodes before ending. In general, every character from the games has at least one recurring series, each with wildly different schedules. 

One series in particular doesn’t have a single consistent host; it’s called “Ultimate Date Night”, and the commentary role shifts between various couples within the group- Akane and Nekomaru, Himiko and Tenko, Sonia and Gundham, Kokichi and Shuichi- as they play various cooperative and competitive games together. There is also a spin-off series called “Double Date”, in which two such couples square off in team-based competitive games.

Other Headcanons:

At one point, Hifumi and Kazuichi definitely played Doki Doki Literature Club, and spent the second half of the series alternately screaming and crying. They were not ready.

For one April Fools’ Day, everyone on the channel traded series for the day; Makoto and Kyoko hosted “Love Quest 3000”, Celeste and Ishimaru hosted “Super Bestest Friends Play!”, Hiyoko and Mikan hosted the horror game series, Maki hosted “Detective Training” (with special guests Kaito and Maki), and so on. The only exception to this was Kokichi; the thumbnail for his video showed Mukuro as the host, but Kokichi introduces himself as usual at the start of the video and does his usual thing. Also, Junko cameoed on multiple series that day.

Makoto and Kyoko definitely played through Ghost Trick together, and Makoto cried multiple times throughout the game, particularly near the ending.

The only time anyone in the group has ever seen Junko legitimately cry is that one time when Mukuro beat her at Mario Kart 8. Mukuro has never let her forget that day.

Maki was banned from “Double Date” after her first and only appearance ended with extensive property damage and Fuyuhiko (who was on the other team with Peko) being rushed to the hospital with multiple broken bones.

Games Komaru has played include Super Mario Galaxy (finished, though not 100%), The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (unfinished), Thomas Was Alone, and Miitopia.

Chisa regularly visits the Ultimates Play headquarters, bringing snacks and encouragement. Everyone is happy to see her, even Togami and Kokichi.

Himiko was the first non-Class 77 member of the channel; no one is quite sure how she ended up joining, least of all Himiko.

Let us know if you like this idea, and if you have other headcanons regarding this AU! Maybe you’ll get featured in a follow-up post or something; who knows? Anyway, hope you enjoyed whatever this was! 

- Mod Snake 

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role Highlights C2E36 (October 2, 2018)

Tonight’s guests are Travis Willingham and Matt Mercer!

Announcements:

The NYC show on Thursday still has tickets! 

The latest episode of Between the Sheets, featuring Laura Bailey, is now available on the Critical Role Twitch channel for subscribers! The VOD will be released on YouTube tomorrow.

The second episode of All Work No Play will air on the Twitch channel on Friday at 7 PM! There will be tapdancing involved.

@critrolestats​ for this week’s episode:

With four games in, the Dallas Cowboys are at a 50%-- wait, wrong stat.

The M9 got their 140th kill in this episode: Nott against the fourth harpy.

This is the third time Fjord has used the dodecahedron, and the second time he’s put a fragment of possibility to use.

DMing when PCs are on the ocean involves trying to figure out what interesting things can be found along the journey. Matt made a small chart to roll on to see what might possibly happen. "It’s a lot of not forcing events, necessarily, every single day, because otherwise nobody would ever fucking be on a boat in a fantasy world.” He wants it to be an adventurous, freeing sensation, and he wants it to be a bit of a sandbox for the players. (The map finally arrived!) “It’s allowing enough intrigue and possibility out there where the players can utilize the ship at their disposal, and coming up with interesting encounters that capitalize on the region and capitalize on the limitations of the ship as well.”

Travis has been on (non-sailing) boats most of his life, so he knows the terminology. “But when it comes to fuckin’ pirate ships...” He wrote Fjord’s backstory with “sailor” in it, but didn’t get a chance to research it at all. Matt was so intimidated by the (three) sailing terms Fjord included in his backstory that he’s been intently studying up on nautical stuff ever since. There are graphs behind his DM screen. Matt: “I was just trying to keep up with him!” 

But Travis has been doing research since then. He’d just never thought about the fact that he might be the only one who knew how to sail a ship. Matt: “It might not have been a major issue if you guys had booked passage...” Travis: “I should have done a moderate level of research just to be more familiar with it, so it’s causing me now to catch up to the homework that you did. We’ll see how this week goes, being that it’s in front of a live crowd...” 

Brian: “This is such a weird metaphor for you guys’ friendship.”

Matt expected Orly was going to be an information source while the group was in Nicodranas. After the M9 stole the ship so unexpectedly, it turned out Orly was the only other person they knew who had the skills they needed. Brian knows it’s a big ask, but he’d love to see amazing cosplay of Orly.

Fjord is definitely wondering whether the sword will react in some way with the water---just touching it in didn’t make a difference, but he’s wondering whether practicing his sword exercises on the ship might’ve had an effect. Travis: “Until now, it’s been a pretty one-sided avenue of communication. I don’t know if there’s any way to *69 that motherfucker.”

Gif of the Week: Caduceus’ “Hello darkness my old friend” moment.

The jellyfish bloom was a random encounter Matt rolled on his table: he has assorted natural sights on the list to add atmosphere. “It was an improvised part of the narrative based on a few rolls.” Brian wants to insure Matt’s brain.

For the map that came out last session, Travis got a quick sneak peek at it. “I love reefs, just from scuba diving, so I memorized those. Most of the trade routes didn’t go over reefs, so if we hit one of those, it would be immediately dangerous.” If people’s backgrounds tie into certain areas, Matt e-mails them summaries as needed so that the players can deliver the information and it’s not just a DM info dump.

Caduceus’ super high perception is opening up a lot of interesting stuff for the party; there were a lot of situations that flew under the radar before, and Matt’s looking forward to finding more moments like that. “You want to reward a player for their strengths.”

Matt mentions that, in all the games he’s played with Taliesin, he’s always played very high-intelligence characters. He’s fascinated to see him play a low-INT high-WIS character with Caduceus.

Travis: “I don’t typically like to give people orders? Fjord was a first mate on the ship, that’s as high as he rose. In my mind, those were people that he had worked with for years. He was receiving orders and then dispersing them, not coming up with the ideas himself. For me, as a player, I enjoyed the luxury of an idiot for the first campaign, because I got to be reactionary. It is an entirely, entirely different thing, and it’s been kind of weird, being responsible for everybody, having to make quick decisions when no one else has any input.” He found himself looking for the bench in the last couple episodes. 

On the clusterfuck at the docks, Travis: “I had gone far below zero hit points in player.” He was so off-balance and nothing seemed to be working. “You can’t always bench yourself. You gotta keep fuckin’ playing.” Matt points out that it’s common to have an off session: “The fact that you’ve finally had a couple is reassuring to the rest of us mortals in your presence.” It’s tough to be the character who has such a major impact on the course of events, and Travis has been learning how to deal with that pressure (after being able to just shrug it off as Grog) and make sure it doesn’t happen again. Travis: “I had a totally different idea of what my participation in the group would be.” He wasn’t expecting to be the face of the group.

Matt mentions that there are sessions where the group has had fun but he goes home “feeling like shit” over some series of mistakes (which often gets reinforced online), but he emphasizes that it’s totally okay to have off nights, and that it’s important to talk it out with players or other DM friends if you’re still feeling upset about it.

Fanart of the Week: Nott and Caduceus having their bonding moment at sea.

Matt: “There was a whole bunch of shit in Nicodranas you could have explored.” Travis: “I love how he gave us a fuckin’ wizard tower.” Matt pointed out that Algar had an employee who ran off during their first attack. “There’s a lot of adventure in Nicodranas still when you return.” Matt points out that sometimes the story you have prepared isn’t as exciting as what the players stumble into on their own. The ramifications when they come back could be a lot of fun, as well. 

Travis on the pressure he’s under for this arc: “The rest of the group is fuckin’ loving it, like a bunch of assholes. They are eating up my panic with spoons and forks.” Matt points out that the tables have turned after the first campaign.

Fjord’s whole backstory was based on trying to disappear; he was just glad to have a role that didn’t require a spotlight. “He just wanted to live a life and have a role and have an existence.” He feels like his unique looks and abilities fit in with the M9, but being put in charge of that, especially in the wake of the massive confidence shake that came with the Lorenzo kidnapping and Molly’s death, he’s still reeling. It’s only been a few weeks since Lorenzo. 

It’s been especially terrifying to realize this Fjord-centric arc is going to be such a big part of the New York live show. Travis: “I was so crestfallen. That was the moment I was like, ‘Fuck.’” Matt, happily: “It’s going to be fun.” Travis, strained and yelling: “IT’S GOING TO BE GREAT.”

Jester’s mom hadn’t heard the rumors of a blue tiefling dying at the docks, so fortunately that information hadn’t gotten to her before Jester sent her message. Matt breaks down the bizarre mystery the guards are dealing with right now: it could have had much, much more serious consequences. “They’re not completely fucked. There’s just some threads of fuckery out there.” Avoiding the patrol ships and being able to disguise themselves has been key. Matt points out that a lot of the Nein have had really skittish, mistrustful backgrounds; over time, they might be more likely to try to interface with the guards in a scenario like that, but they’re not there yet.

Travis on the jellyfish conversation: “I was kind of in awe of my wife at that moment. Her emotional availability is second to none. And then to take that beautiful moment and be so introspective about that character. I was trying to ask her questions, and then she pointed it dead on at me. I was like, oh god, I don’t know. I was trying to be sensitive and do something that would make her feel better, but man, it left both of us---Fjord and me---shook. I interpreted it one way. There had been gentle teasings. But man, when the emotions are real...” 

Matt’s been finding it interesting that Fjord and Caleb have been taking on leadership roles in a non-competitive, please-take-this way, and he’s excited to see how the roles are distributed moving forward. “I fuckin’ love D&D. Oh my god.”

Matt points out that the M9 is a different kind of found family than VM. “All of Vox Machina seemed pretty confident of who they were and what they wanted to be in the world. This group is very different; they’re these lost souls who, through their connections to each other, are trying to find a purpose and keep each other safe.” He likes the natural pace of that development and is happy that themes of change and redemption are so prominent in their character arcs. “As the kids on the internet say, ‘I’m here for it.’”

Travis: “I had to ask Liam this week what ‘stan’ meant. I thought they left the ‘d’ off it.”

Hats appear.

Talks Machina: Is It the Same Channel?

Brian, on the perfect burrito: “Skittles. Starburst bites. Jujubes. Wrapped in a fruit roll-up.” That is a little too close to my actual dinner tonight and I may have to reevaluate some of my life choices.

Their favorite thing about the live show is the energy. Matt: “It’s one thing to be playing together as friends, but once every now and then, being able to share it live there with so many people who are as excited as we are to be there. Of all the years I’ve done theatre and that high I’ve had on stage, this is even better for me.” Much as the heart of the show is its intimate nature, they love having the live show as a change of pace a couple of times a year. Matt points out that the weirdness of live D&D is that the audience there is as knowledgeable and invested. “It’s not like there’s a barrier and you’re here to entertain, you’re all just here in this moment.”

Travis mentions that alignment’s been more important at the start of the game when they’ve been trying to establish their character, just to keep from veering off into random stabs at action. Matt: “I think alignment’s a great guide if you’re unfamiliar with the process of realizing a personality that’s different from yours and stepping into their shoes. I prefer to think that characters’ actions drive alignment, rather than alignment driving characters’ actions. I don’t feel like you should use alignment as a way of excluding yourselves from making those choices that otherwise a character would never make.”

Matt: “Don’t google ‘burrito train’.”

It takes like ten minutes to Brian’s nipple rings.

Dani, being shipped to New York.