#or overactive microglia/too heckin many of them which are both synaptic pruners and run inflammation commands in the body

[chipped-chimera]

Uh I guess an update on this - I was approved! I should be getting my stuff today actually. Primarily oils but getting flowers as kind of an 'emergency inhaler' (I compare it to my puffer for asthma - also before you have a go at me my asthma is mild as heck and cannabis is actually a bronchodilator) - just need to get the equipment for that but it'll take a hot minute because setting this shit up was real expensive 💀

This is even with the discounts I get through the study I applied to - my Doc said I could probably get stuff cheaper but I really, really want to be in this study if it means I can help someone, somewhere, out there like me going through my exact horrible shit that I'd never wish on anyone but my worst enemies - a faster treatment. A treatment that might actually, finally work. Instead of spending the better part of 10 years throwing every pill imaginable at it for little to minimal gains.

Idk it's ... a silver lining. It makes me feel a lot better about myself. I have felt for the longest time I have little to no value in society around me. I have had that further imposed upon me when I was essentially abused by the systems put in place that were supposed to help the most disadvantaged - to the point I have c-ptsd (I mean sure, I might have been on the way to developing c-ptsd but the fact is I am pretty much 100% sure I did not have ptsd BEFORE they fucked with me). Because I can't work enough hours to survive, because I'm so damn battered - it feels like no one cares. No one wants me to live. It's damn dramatic, yeah but when all the support you can get is still financially below the poverty line here + the nightmarish level of paperwork and guidelines that are as clear as mud to apply for anything more (which even still, below the poverty line) - sometimes it feels like the government here would sooner cut off their arm than give me anything to live by. The only reason I have any money is because I'm relying on my parents for all basic need fulfillment (food, shelter, basic dignity and respect as a living human being).

But even with all that ... it finally feels like my train-wreck neurology might be worth something. And that is comforting.

Going to have my consult with a clinic tomorrow to see if they think I can get into this medicinal cannabis study - please send me good vibes, I'm super sick of having these anxiety drops and fighting bad thoughts every goddamn evening when my meds wear off and I'm running out of anxiety treatment options 😞