#patch tries shit

[lostpimplepatch]

“You don’t know it now but there’s still more to lose”

Wip. Please interact and give me suggestions so I have the motivation to finish this

[egophiliac]

Do yoy like their silly little dance

the inside of my brain at any given moment:

[cozylittleartblog]

doodle of a dress i wore in a dream .....

[aroace-polyshow]

sadness siffrin doodling

[sieglinde-freud]

having tea with this guy is exhausting. fucking guess which one he wanted to hear from me. god lorenz… AND HES ONLY AT 6 CHARM.

[aesfocus]

I have developed a compromise with myself, I am going to try a few mods that I've never managed to get to work for me before(racial skin variance! and such), but I'm going to have 2 installs of Skyrim. So if I hate the mods or the mods aren't working, no biggie I can switch back to my old install. :)

it's a bit of a time sink, and also...

I'm gonna have to re-download an awful lot of mods.

[sillygreenrat]

when i tell you my response to the news was immediate......

whenever these puppies gettin shipped out it's all over

[blackeyed-daisy]

actually I'm gonna be real here can someone lay down some like actual fucking rules on how you're supposed to vent to/generally be upset around your friends.

like I keep seeing people wax poetic about how it's so sad that people don't open up to their friends and they would be so upset if their friends never leaned on them for emotional support :( and other people saying that yeah of course they reached out to their friends when they went through a really rough patch and it was so helpful!!! and everyone should do that because that's what friends are for!!!

and then these same people will say that venting too much or venting about the wrong things is just absolutely terrorizing your friends and it's this great huge burden to reach out because it's an obligation that people don't want to or can't deal with and venting about the same problem consistently is just using your friends as a crutch instead of actually fixing anything in your life because you care more about using your friends as stress relief instead of actually taking initiative to fix anything and it's just a massive massive burden and an obligation people don't want to deal with. which I mostly get since emotional labor exists ofc

but then nobody ever actually elaborates on what exactly are the wrong things to vent about or what exactly is too often or whatever other millions of issues exists that nobody even bothers to tell me about until they've been dealing with it for years and silently seething the whole time and even when I've explicitly asked people in the past for an answer in that regard I've literally never gotten a clear answer. and even when I give up on getting a clear answer in that regard and I just ask them if I can vent before I do I've had people literally just fucking lie to me directly and say they totally were okay with it when they weren't because again it's an obligation they don't always want to deal with so they had to say yes regardless of how they really felt

so like what's the fucking truth here man. how am I supposed to make anyone happy in this regard. because clearly I can't vent or people get mad but I can't not vent either because people also inexplicably get mad/upset from that too????

[lostpimplepatch]

Nightwing aerial silk routine to this song. Might add a part 2

Please comment even if its criticism. I need the motivation

[againstthegrainphoto]

BEST. XMAS. EVER.🥹

[babymorte]

legit turning off all forms of contact on my phone has been the absolute best decision i have ever made

[marxm-03]

Very real thing I have been doing recently as a disabled person to boost my confidence is to ask myself What Would Shadow Do

[modeus-the-misanthrope]

Gostoc: Why, why is it always me? What did I ever do to deserve this....*Dies*

Me: Cause your bitch ass doesn't turn back into a merchant after I ask you to open the gates. Even if I reload the area. *Picks up his bell bearing and spits on the spot he used to stand.*

[sl8bqqa8]

There's a lot going on right now and I thought that if I could sort out my thoughts I'd be able to tackle them one at time but it's just so. Hgngngggggggggggggg. You know? The hgngngngbfbfbg... warning for vent post below

My family is a mess and they remind me of that every day with their constant fighting. I can't go anywhere with my mother and sister without things getting ugly. Then afterwards I have to listen to my sister wish death upon my mother when she needs someone to confide in. And as much as I appreciate her trust/love for me as an older sister and confidant, it just really takes a toll on me when I'm forced to come to the same realisation, daily, that I will never have a normal family. Not even a slightly happy one. And that we were never like that to begin with. A big pattern of the advice my school counselor gives me can be summarised as "fall back on your support system in times of need," but I don't really have a support system. I don't even feel like I'm deserving of one if I'm being honest. Because I've been just as cold to both of them in the past, and it wasn't right, no matter how jaded they made me. But the longing for better days is still the most suffocating emotion I've ever felt. Lately I've been crying every night, reflecting on how it used to feel like we actually loved each other— And I cry maybe once a year so it feels especially pathetic to do so. I just wish I could fix us. It's the one thing I thought I would have no matter what, but every day I'm reminded that what's most important to me is gone forever. If our life together was my "everything" and it's all falling apart now, I feel like I don't have control over anything anymore. It really is the end of the world.

And in looking for support elsewhere, I realised I don't actually have many friends. Even though I'm deeply indebted to the two that I have, and love them dearly, there's still one "friend" that's been nothing but awful since we first met. I clung to them as a particularly naive, socially awkward middle schooler with no friends and a shitty family situation (and therefore a poor understanding of what relationships should look like). But now that I'm older I want a friend that I can actually mature with; And said "friend" hasn't changed since 8th grade. I feel like the entire basis of this friendship is me entertaining the whims of someone who still acts 14 with no intention to change any time soon. And I want to break it off with them, but they often use threats of suicide for lesser offenses. And as much as it sucks, and as much as being with them makes me miserable, I really don't want them to die. I truly wish the best for them and want to imagine that they'll be able to find healing even if I'm gone. But truth be told, along with their mental struggles they're also a deeply vindictive asshat and take any criticism to be an insensitive witch hunt. And I really don't want to feel responsible for someone's death over my personal boundaries, much less be on the receiving end of eternal harrassment and tarnishing of my name to their associates— So I tolerate them. Our relationship is half formed and insubstantial and piss poor but I can't bring myself to break it off, and they'd keep me bound to them in chains and handcuffs if they could anyway. So what's the point in trying to leave.

On top of that I'm horrible in school and I have yet to find a job. It's community college so its not super expensive, but I've already wasted my parents money by flunking out of two classes, and if I don't pass this current class (67% as of now) I'll flunk out and waste that money too, plus I'll be barred from going to this campus entirely (as per the school's regulations). I feel like a failure. A dysfunctional waste of money and space that doesn't deserve the air I breathe, because I can't do something as simple as passing my classes and getting a job. I just sit around being a useless sack of shit of an eyesore. People look at me and all they see is wasted potential. I can tell, and I don't necessarily disagree.

I'm also not medicated, though I have a feeling being on something would help me solve at least one of my problems. I'm stuck coping with alcohol and the occasional energy drink but that's about it. It makes me feel like shit everyday, and sometimes I wish I never learned how to make mead in the first place, but I don't even care anymore. I don't feel deserving of wellness and anything that helps me get by is a godsend, anyway. Diagnosis, therapy, and medication are expensive with our new shitty insurance plan. The gallon of alcohol I can make in a month is much cheaper in the short term. It just isn't worth the trouble.

And even though it's the ADHD tripping up my life the most (the potential autism can stay tho it's honestly a vibe) that pretty-much-confirmed StPD is also fucking me over. But who even cares at this point. Losing touch with reality feels like the least of my worries when reality is already this cruel. If anything it's almost helpful, at least when I'm not basically being sent to the Torture Nexus.

And as a result of all this mess in my life my room is a fucking mess. I don't like being in it. The trash piles up and nothing is where it should be. I want to redecorate my room to make it enjoyable but I'm beyond unreceptive to feeling happy at this point. Every night before I fall asleep I sit in my bed wishing I could just go home. But then I remember that this is my home and it makes me wanna vomit. It's all such a mess now.

[imreszekeres]

A friend told me I stop breathing and gasp/cough in my sleep so guess who has to do a fucking sleep study 😭 dont vape, kids!

[ratmans-notebooks]

heartbreaking: local rat trusted someone it really should not have