#pear.yearning

[pearatwar]

pretty girl alert! i am currently unhealthily swooning over a pretty girl that's being nice to me thus marking the beginning of another swooning season for me. is this another stunt on my mental health or am i going to hit it big? more at 7

[pearatwar]

given i would rip my heart out because of my longstanding solitude, the next most obvious course of action would be downloading a dating app

problem: i abhor them and i feel like i would not be happy with whatever emotional codependency would be born out of it

problem II: i will be stuck loathing and pining and longing and sulking and sighing

[pearatwar]

girl, right? she's like the manifestation of everything i look for in a girl. i tried, i failed, i ended up becoming a good, regular friend, been to her birthdays, became good friends with her boyfriend

but one day she stopped waving hi at me in the hallways. something in me broke, shattered. even if i don't want to pursue her romantically there's something inside, a construct of sorts, that makes her one of the most important people in my life, and losing her is breaking me apart

[pearatwar]

"it's just that. you know. you haven't texted me in a while" consider that there may be one of the following possibilities if not multiple:

your last text made me expect a follow-up

you did NOT reach out at all you can't convince me you really wanted me to talk to you

your last text was a witty joke that left me assburnt

i sent the last text

[pearatwar]

i think that a hug would be enoigh to flood my face with tears and make my problems vanish. sighs

i need to be molded by the hands of an expert lover

[pearatwar]

maybe i am bound to be forever single, pining and yearning

and i will say it's fine inbetween every bout of loneliness and hatred and loathing but this is the way it is

[pearatwar]

i am so going to kill everyone until i am kissed where i was once bit

[pearatwar]

i'm pear!

🇮🇹 | may 11th 2006 | he/they/any | pan | diagnosed: autistic and depressed | single

TW! stuff you might not want to see!

terribly often: yearning (romantic/physical), strong language

sometimes: self harm, eating disorders, self destructive thoughts and ideation

DNI: racists, sexists, TERFs, muskrat apologists, common sense deniers, blogs that only have sh pictures (please :[)

hey! yeah, it's me. i'm like if the weird indie kid fell in a cauldron of The Big Sad and became the cool but Sad indie kid,, the rest is history

i'm your favorite frejlordian one-hit wonder, a sopping wet dog of a man, the museum of human suffering

Likes:

misc!

piracy. lost of it. i am wired head to toe and have 300 gigabytes of pirated games and growing

seriously. i could download you any of your favorite games or media in the blink of an eye

programming, computers and IT! my school specializes in that and oh god theres so much math

green! the color green i love green green green

the number 1414, specifically the number 1414

talking to friends! voice chats! pleaspelapslepleapslepalseplease

brutalism (architecture)

vectorheart (aesthetic)

videogames!

roguelikes! i like that they're always new. in particular, slay the spire, risk of rain 2 and pacific drive

rimworld just sorta speaks to me... i unhealthily love that game

fortnite and league of legends: i know, controversial. the former is my guilty pleasure every once in a while, the latter is daily suffering

niche games: the niche-er, the better-er

social games: see jackbox and content warning!

used to be really into: guilty gear xx, xrd and strive | ultrakill

music!

everything under the dnb-breakcore umbrella term: loud AND fast

shoegaze and noise rock: loud but not necessarily fast

more traditional rock "name three nirvana s-" [gunshot]

lovesick indie

secretly a sucker for mac miller

some videogame soundtracks never hurt anyone, right?

topics!

every once in a while i'll post about my day in a silly manner and advanced lexicon, then i'll make a sad, yearning post and reblog two of my mutuals want to be reblogged? sign up now at the follow button!

i will reply to most if not all asks because i secretly love attention. feed me

tags!

most tags follow a "pear.[identifier]" schema... in order of frequency more or less:

pear.posting (my tag! basically every post)

pear.blogging (irl posts for the sake of keeping you up to speed with my real life life)

pear.typing (big text! i typed text for the sake of typing it and it's the focus of the post. in itself it finds purpose and lives)

pear.depths (woah Sappy. <- typical pear.depths post ender)

pear.meta (a post about the blog itself! because i am nothing without it and versa-vice)

pear.yearning (i just wish i could be loved... my soul grows cold and reluctant [sigh])

pear.asks (in case one of you guys sends me an ask! lovely lovely)

pear.anons (in case one of you guys sends me an ask but is scared)

pear.bustales (posts regarding, or made during, my 45 minute, bi-daily school bus commute)

this list isnt inclusive, and i'll make up new ones from time to time, but in the meanwhile get this other list of tags

rebumble (everything reblog)

two pears in a pod, pear and michael!, michael update (everything michael!! that fuckin creature)

moots!! (just, another moot, just one i dont feel familiar enough with to have a tag for)

silly game time (silly game time asks)

[pearatwar]

to be fair? it's more of an Albert Camus on Sisyphus' happiness kind of deal

i know this isn't going anywhere anytime soon but I'm gaslighting myself into believing so and as such i now have a reason to be the very best version of myself

pretty girl alert! i am currently unhealthily swooning over a pretty girl that's being nice to me thus marking the beginning of another swooning season for me. is this another stunt on my mental health or am i going to hit it big? more at 7