#pear.typing

[pearatwar]

"not to brag but" i'm bragging. ohhh look at me i'm so good and great and strong and i'm the second coming of the virgin mary i will never die

[pearatwar]

we live because we don't know any better - what awaits us on the other side? far too many ideas to coalesce into one; it remains unknown, and as such it strikes fear in us.

we live because we fear death, not only as a result of ideology but as a most primal construct embedded in our very being we've abided to ever since: we fear the unknown because we strive in research and exploration. death is the only thing that, to this day, is impossible to be certain about.

but if it's such a terrifying concept, how come some embrace it? and not because of what religion has made their vocation, or because it would have come soon regardless, but of their own volition?

one can only deduce that life itself is unknown -- we fear life as much as we fear death, and to choose either is to choose the other.

we are creations of nature, mere lab rats on the experiment known as survival on earth, we exist to continue our existance to prove our ability to live in an ecosystem yet inveitably faithed to fade away and shuffle off this mortal coil

inherently we fail to grasp on life and death because we are at this stage atleast incapable of fully comprehending it

we build our mighty towers all while knowing that they are going to be reduced to stone due to the supreme might of time

but pray tell me does an ant however insignificant to the vast world still not hold accountable in part to helping her own colony survive,

yes that doesnt stop the fact that one day it will stop to live for… ever a time infinitely longer than she was alive

but for the miniscule amount of time she did exist

her beauty glorified the experiment of life

[pearatwar]

i'm pear!

🇮🇹 | may 11th 2006 | he/they/any | pan | diagnosed: autistic and depressed | single

TW! stuff you might not want to see!

terribly often: yearning (romantic/physical), strong language

sometimes: self harm, eating disorders, self destructive thoughts and ideation

DNI: racists, sexists, TERFs, muskrat apologists, common sense deniers, blogs that only have sh pictures (please :[)

hey! yeah, it's me. i'm like if the weird indie kid fell in a cauldron of The Big Sad and became the cool but Sad indie kid,, the rest is history

i'm your favorite frejlordian one-hit wonder, a sopping wet dog of a man, the museum of human suffering

Likes:

misc!

piracy. lost of it. i am wired head to toe and have 300 gigabytes of pirated games and growing

seriously. i could download you any of your favorite games or media in the blink of an eye

programming, computers and IT! my school specializes in that and oh god theres so much math

green! the color green i love green green green

the number 1414, specifically the number 1414

talking to friends! voice chats! pleaspelapslepleapslepalseplease

brutalism (architecture)

vectorheart (aesthetic)

videogames!

roguelikes! i like that they're always new. in particular, slay the spire, risk of rain 2 and pacific drive

rimworld just sorta speaks to me... i unhealthily love that game

fortnite and league of legends: i know, controversial. the former is my guilty pleasure every once in a while, the latter is daily suffering

niche games: the niche-er, the better-er

social games: see jackbox and content warning!

used to be really into: guilty gear xx, xrd and strive | ultrakill

music!

everything under the dnb-breakcore umbrella term: loud AND fast

shoegaze and noise rock: loud but not necessarily fast

more traditional rock "name three nirvana s-" [gunshot]

lovesick indie

secretly a sucker for mac miller

some videogame soundtracks never hurt anyone, right?

topics!

every once in a while i'll post about my day in a silly manner and advanced lexicon, then i'll make a sad, yearning post and reblog two of my mutuals want to be reblogged? sign up now at the follow button!

i will reply to most if not all asks because i secretly love attention. feed me

tags!

most tags follow a "pear.[identifier]" schema... in order of frequency more or less:

pear.posting (my tag! basically every post)

pear.blogging (irl posts for the sake of keeping you up to speed with my real life life)

pear.typing (big text! i typed text for the sake of typing it and it's the focus of the post. in itself it finds purpose and lives)

pear.depths (woah Sappy. <- typical pear.depths post ender)

pear.meta (a post about the blog itself! because i am nothing without it and versa-vice)

pear.yearning (i just wish i could be loved... my soul grows cold and reluctant [sigh])

pear.asks (in case one of you guys sends me an ask! lovely lovely)

pear.anons (in case one of you guys sends me an ask but is scared)

pear.bustales (posts regarding, or made during, my 45 minute, bi-daily school bus commute)

this list isnt inclusive, and i'll make up new ones from time to time, but in the meanwhile get this other list of tags

rebumble (everything reblog)

two pears in a pod, pear and michael!, michael update (everything michael!! that fuckin creature)

moots!! (just, another moot, just one i dont feel familiar enough with to have a tag for)

silly game time (silly game time asks)

[pearatwar]

no i am NOT using popular tags on my posts. the chosen ones will see them by the jittering and sputtering of fate

[pearatwar]

with every step forward i take two steps back

[pearatwar]

to he who lives, life is a frantic havoc. it's hard to tell up from down as you flail your arms wildly trying not to drown. it's hard to tell left from right as you chase after your dreams. it's hard to remember the faces, and the voices, and the habits, of the people you hold dearest.

instantiating new memory cluster...

for the outsider, however, time coalesces into endless little crystals suspended in the air. the rules that bind our lives become self-evident. existence is little more than a cycle of life and death, one with sublime balance.

calculating possible outcomes... [0/10000]

could it be i feel so out of phase with life,

calculating possible outcomes... [497/10000]

so unbelievably far behind everything else,

calculating possible outcomes... [1391/10000]

that i now understand?

^C

Terminate batch process? [Y/n]

it's all a big game of tag. life outruns you, outwits you and you end up laying down on the ground, face down, with a scratch on the knee.

[pearatwar]

drank two cocktails and a beer, reunited with my middle school classmates after 5 years of radio silence, said sorry to an old crush of mine for how rushed i was during 3rd year (2yrs ago), danced to music and ripped a hole in my formalwear shirt. the ebb and flow of the speakers' bass makes me tremble inside out. i feel whole again and i have a bit less weight on my shoulders

[pearatwar]

i portray myself, and come off as, a superhuman, iron man unyielding, sputnik, juggernaut

how long will i be able to keep it up?

how long until my plating cracks, my screws loosen, my body rusts and with it my soul? my chassis shakes and my engine sputters; an uncanny resemblance of death

to them, i am the metal-plated stoic i'd grown into, but i've known the boy within peering out the slits and openings, rattling at its cage like the bullets it receives

how long until the boy gets out? will the lead stop then?

[pearatwar]

i feel like i was born in the wrong generation. i woulda loved writing excessively cryptic books with svevo and pirandello

[pearatwar]

studying! life feels somewhat more bearable but cosmic catastrophe looms above me -- i fear for i know the malaise of self-destruction could strike at any moment

i really, really don't know when i'll feel bad again. i really, really don't want it to happen. i feel like i've got a good enough grasp on my life, but i don't want to relapse. time will tick faster than i can take in the bliss. i will feel worse before i feel better. maybe this is what ineptitude feels like, god forsake you zeno

[pearatwar]

i am so going to kill everyone until i am kissed where i was once bit

[pearatwar]

The [ STARS / WALLS / SKELETONS IN MY CLOSET ] speak to me.

They [ SING / CRY / WARN ME ] of my future.

Such a beautiful [ TUNE / APOCALYPSE / WAY TO DIE ].

[pearatwar]

holy, holy by geordie greep played just now! and it reminded me of you because you introduced me to geordie greep and. duh. i missed you bro..,

kills you with. by lying next to you and existing. i kill people with my awesome amazing magnificence trust me (or i poison everyone i meet, you choose!) i feel a little bit Bad currently and i have a feeling you are also. not feeling Great at the minute. so this isn't so much a sharing of pain as much of a moment where i know neither of us has to be as alone as a minute ago (selfish, maybe? but who says i can't allow myself the luxury of myself.) anyhow! enough sappiness! michael update! it is indeed what i came here to do

i am doing! not too great! but i will live as i always say

winter is Finally coming to an end. joy joy joy i cannot wait for summer i get to eat ice cream unjudged and live in tank tops sliders and jorts

there's an ant on my window!

exams bnext week.. Ouh i am as prepared as i can be and yet. the fear

prom is Also soon!! (in june) i have an outfit planned, i Will be the coolest thing at the function

a very good thing happened a little while ago! and the stress that making that thing happen caused is finally washing over me after shoving it down for Months. but it gets worse before it gets better i suppose i will just have to surf it out like a boy in a 90s teen movie. life goes on! and it will benefit me in the long run

my sister's birthday is soon! she is getting Old (not really!! she is itty bitty youngling to me still as all younger sisters tend to be in their brother's eyes)

i have had Three bouts of flu/cold/something in the past month. my nose has been bleeding quite frequently which has been annoying yet good for dramatic photoshoots. i am No Longer Ill which is an achievement for my little splintered immune system!! a win!!

my friend has bought me trans tape and a binder. i have killed her with my teeth THEY WON'T LET ME PAY HER BACK (i cannot accept gifts) but Woawowaow :)) very happy about that despite my lack of ability to express it in a Regularsanenormal way

heljo pear :) missed you buddy

dig up my corpse / shake his hand / tell yourself he was a great man /// dig up my bones / trepan yourself a flute / play along to this tune (terra - geordie greep)

michslel updtate.. much anticipated moment in my lifetime, one of joy and wonder

the one cure to loneliness is! people! and sometimes your good old friends wont cut it because they just wont follow you down the rabbit holes of your ramblings so you turn to Queers on the Internet. takes one to know one! we will share these little moments as POST HTTP requests on the tumblr servers and we won't have to be alone, at least in the few nanoseconds the HTTP daemon parses my packets. machine hearts never miss a beat

this is a love letter to every mutual i've meaningfully interacted with: i love you with all my heart and you are part of it and if you deactivated your account i would actually cry and mourn /gen michael and mouse you two are like the MVPs tbh

this is maybe? the first time i look forward to summer. freedom and free time and i'm laying down on the floor. the sun is beaming down on me. it's all so so useless but it's warm and it's 2012. i'm listening to wet dreams by sundiver ca and i'm crying but i would seize the opportunity to wear jorts! be cool to the core and talk to girls and maybe get a hug.. that would Fix me

OUTFIT?? Wwoah elucidate details promptly

stress comes And goes, ebbs and Flows, i'd know with the plethora of tests, but now it's this riff-raff malevolent mix of good and bad and i'm left qith the taste of a corpse in my mouth. eww ANd my emotions feel grey

tell Your!! sister that good ol pear wishes her many more birthdays to come -- god see fit, she will turn Old (god reference? i've detached from religion and could nkt care less fuck that guy. we made him then killed him just to have something to kill people over)

dramatic no. nosebebled. photoshotttos. can i see please (kinda scared of blood? scared of mine, i dont mind others)

you deserve that binder! binders for boys are like Wings for angels they are an extension of your body and its only human you are gifted such woundrous a d miracolous items.

its good to have you back, michael :]

[pearatwar]

sometimes i lay on the bed flat, face up, take a deep breath and do my best impression of a corpse

[pearatwar]

peary you are the best honestly

takes one to know one!

thanks, personally i do my best to stay kind to the world; despite despite despite despite despite and if i will not receive love i will emanate it until i dry up! and i fade away in the wind but we look out for each other and thats what matters

i will be as an apparition that manifests in the direst of times to help you however i can

[pearatwar]

set and activate revolving switchyard

discard card of choice

put heavy freight train derricrane from deck to hand

normal summon infinitrack harvester face-up

activate infinitrack harvester effect: put infinitrack brutal dozer from deck to hand

special summon infinitrack brutal dozer from hand in defense position tributing infinitrack harvester

special summon infinitrack trencher from deck with infinitrack brutal dozer effect

tribute infinitrack trencher and infinitrack brutal dozer: xyz summon infinitrack river stormer

activate infinitrack river stormer effect: detach infinitrack trencher and put super express bullet train from deck to hand

special summon super express bullet train

special summon heavy freight train derricrane

tribute super express bullet train and heavy freight train derricrane: xyz summon superdreadnought rail cannon gustav max

activate superdreadnought rail cannon gustav max: detach material of choice and deal 2000 LP damage

tribute superdreadnought rail cannon gustav max: xyz summon superdreadnought rail cannon juggernaut liebe

activate superdreadnought rail cannon juggernaut liebe: detachal material of choice and gain 2000 ATK/DEF