#pearventing

[pearatwar]

saw a post on tiktok about cocsa. looked at the screen in a catatonic state for 2 minutes, cried, threw up, cried, laid in bed, in this precise order

i hid it away in the farthest corners of my mind and never told anyone - friends, parents, psychologist. this hurts like a scar being rltorn open again, lile i'm being torn apart inside-out and i can't even stand right

[pearatwar]

italian here: my grandfather was almost offed by fascists. twice. with two of his friends getting gunned down in front of his very eyes because he managed to hide. if it wasnt for the fact he kept up the whole aryan spiel and gifted, or well, handed over, some. of his personal possessions, he, my grandmother, my mother and my uncle would have all been deported to camps and, from there, overworked, tortured, starved and slaughtered.

the salute is a direct apology of the heinous crimes hitler and mussolini committed during WWII; of their six MILLION kills and irreversible damage to society as a whole, and it is ILLEGAL to perform in italy (iirc) and germany (and probably somewhere else, let's be real)

what do you mean elon musk did a nazi salute on live tv at the united states presidential inauguration twice and is now erasing the evidence off the internet by replacing the footage with the crowd cheering instead?

would be a shame if people reblogged this, wouldn’t it?

[pearatwar]

i can't help but feel like i've outlived my purpose. i'm not studying or working, and i don't have a lover.

my happiness lacks any permanence and i'm stuck chasing dopamine from behind a computer screen.

every step of the way is harrowing. i know what comes next, and i wish i didn't. it's the repetition that slowly kills you.

[pearatwar]

the forge bellows. it reflects off your trusty tools, passed down through generations - it's clouded and dull, but you can make out a red shape, trapezoidal.

is it fueled by your soul's fervor, or your soul itself? gnawed away at, day by day. the flame ebbs and flows, it feeds yet hungers... will you adhere to your purpose of creator? creation implies destruction.

your tools are old, dirty - your father didn't buy any, nor did your grandfather, and those before him. they will outlive you, no doubt, and your children if you have anything. supposing you won't tear them asunder with your amateurish handling, as you do with all that you have ever held and owned...

your hammer, its handle thoroughly cracked, you used to force yourself into shape, to transform when people didn't like you. to keep everything nice and tidy, to keep it inside, to beat down your demons when they tried to escape you. were they angels? you couldn't tell, blinded by anger pain

your chisel, its tip blood red, oxidation running rampant, you used to cut. to sever connections with people when you were afraid of getting hurt. to remove what you thought was obsolete from you... you used to be so much happier. to find where you put those parts of you - if only.

a small lightbulb is hanging from above, its cable running alongside the wrench and plier shelf. it lights the unknown, where light does not dare reach. you hold it, you run your fingers over it, you get a feel for the rim of the bulb against the base, as if you were playing with the hem of your partner's clothes - a honor you never had. how long until it lights something you never wanted to see again? until you see something so petrifying you turn it off?

[pearatwar]

spent all my childhood acting like an adult

now i'm spending my life chasing my childhood all over again

I’ve been 18+ since I was ten

[pearatwar]

Silly Game Time: What are your nouns? No, not your *pro*nouns, but your *nouns*. What kind of persons and things (and I suppose even places) are you?

(For example, I'm a writer, a wiseass, a hermit, and I hope a safe space for my fellow queers and weirdos.)

i'm an impractical joke(r), a closeted dream, a little sobbing ghost, a starry-eyed lover, a post-litteram sisyphean toil, a seagull, the museum of human suffering, someone unbeknownst, a crystal of salt

a bit sappy today. sorry. it's been a handful,, i need a break from reality

[pearatwar]

when you think you're talking to a Guy but in reality what lies ahead of you is the sulking shell of a post-litteram self-made man that can't craft for shit and will break down in more than one way

[pearatwar]

OKAY you guys. mental breakdown over, let's collect ourselves real quick. hup hup

i'm sorry for.. that. i just needed to yell out really loud but i was at school and had appointments to do. this isn't exactly the shiniest tidiest nicest moment in my life -- romantically first and foremost, as is modus operandi, but also academically. i just want a break from it all woah sappy. sorry

[pearatwar]

lately i've been getting mad at things easier and easier, feeling more miserable, useless. i'm getting worse, it's only a matter of hours before i go and relapse

[pearatwar]

i feel fucking miserable. my mother is forcing me back on drivers ed and even if i was super happy yesterday now i feel like a sack of fried shit

[pearatwar]

today i have to go to the psychologist, be with my father AND study for upcoming oral tests, worst day ever in human history; today we see if i'm made of styrofoam on the inside

[pearatwar]

wish my mother stopped being such a cheap bitch for once. wish she cared about how i felt, over my school

she just won't learn no matter how many times i tell her, and there's this tiny, tiny voice in the back of my head telling me there is one way to show her i'm serious -- nothing but cold, hard facts and a cold, hard corpse in my bedroom

[pearatwar]

when i'm ovwrwhelmed / dysfunctional i feel like the exoskeleton from the end of cyberpunk edgerunners is using the gravity amplifiers to crush me to a fine mist and i'm laying down unable tk get up Woah. sappy

[pearatwar]

laying in bed feeling really dysfunctional and overwhelmed hugging my stuffed panda thinking about how i used to hug it like it was my ex and this one girl and this one guy and this one girl and this other girl and this person and this girl and

[pearatwar]

hiiii peaaarr... me againc. i keep remembering you have an inbox that is currently void of Me

little bit of a sappy one i apologise! been reminiscing and all and i keep remembering that people exist and i can express emotion at them

i'm glad you sent me that ask from that one ask game that got me to get to know you. we don't talk a Lot but i value you and i am very glad to know you! hi pearatwar, happy holidays, i hope your suffering is sand on the wind; i hope it falls away as you turn to face the world again. i was GOING to send this at christmas but i'm impatient and i would probably forget until slightly after new years because. the disassociative amnesia beam,, hi! hello! i miss you! i'm glad we're friends! don't feel obliged to answer this! exclamation mark!

with lots of admiration and a touch of healthy intimidation, your second favourite transmasc guy

what if michael's gone up or down the transmasc leaderboard? he wouldn't be my second favorite anymore,, who is tjis,.,

hey forflightlessbirds! i'm glad to hear from you again, your asks are like snowflakes - wonderful little things, unique in their own way, they float onto my hand and i eat tjem -- nom

good thing you sent it earlier! i bet my most recent sadness excursus was what made you, but either way thanks! it's lifting my mood a healthy bit.

hi! hello! i also miss you! i wish i could talk to you more often but my emotions are crippling me!

much much mucb much platonic love, and some tears, that one wannabe poet

[pearatwar]

this vacation sucks, i want to drive my head into a knife head first and end this bullshit and go home

it's sunny and hot and there's only old people around