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sevensided · 4 years ago

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how did you get into writing fic? i'd love to start but idk even where to begin! I loved adats so I was wondering do you have any advice?

Oh my goodness! I am so flattered you’ve asked me this. Yes, I can absolutely help. I’ll throw a bunch of rambling under the cut.

I started writing fic probably when I was... sixteen years old? A lot of my early works were oneshots. I couldn’t figure out how to do anything plot heavy for the life of me, so I just stuck to AUs or whatever I felt like. I wasn’t in any particular fandom -- I really wrote whatever I had ideas for. I remember I tried once to do a plot-heavy story and I received a review absolutely ripping it to shreds. Like, it was so cruel I cried lol. I ended up deleting the fic. Years later, I get what they were trying to say (basically, more substance, less style), but at the time it cut to the quick. Really, it was only when I was in my twenties that I started writing work that was longer and/or better.

The fandom that helped me actually write plot heavy work was a historical-based fandom. As I’m a historian, it was perfect. I got to use my research skills and knowledge to create works that, above all, aimed to feel authentic. I mainly read historical fiction, so I was familiar with how that genre worked. Miraculously, people loved my work. I think I wrote about ~200k in the period of a year? These were several short stories (20-40k) and a few oneshot filler fics. While I was part of this fandom I also helped organise a Big Bang which was a lot of hard work but was extremely rewarding. Along with that, I interacted mainly with other fic writers, so I spent a lot of time chatting to people about ideas and encouraging other writers, and it just created a lovely medley where no concept was impossible or any line of dialogue too difficult. We supported each other and it was truly like a little commune. I gradually stepped away from the fandom mainly because it was just a part of my life at a very specific time, and almost as soon as that time was over, my love for that story/ship faded, but I firmly believe I figured out a lot of how/what I do now purely through that experience.

Regarding ADATS

With ADATS, it stemmed entirely from wanting to “explain” three months in canon (at the end of season three). I was interested in the idea of season four setting up Will/Mike in canon, and I wanted to test the source material to see if I could draw from what already existed to create something authentic. I began with that simple idea: what happened from July to October in 1985? Then I thought about the major themes I wanted to hit -- family, friendship, coming of age, sexuality -- and I nested them around the bigger concept: how do I get Mike from being ostensibly straight to realising he is gay? That meant thinking of two steps: Mike discovering his attraction to guys; Mike discovering his attraction to Will. Those two concepts were separate “arcs” that needed addressing in different ways. Balance was key to weaving them together and making the reader feel like they knew what was coming (and that they felt smart for putting the pieces together) without just rushing through and going “now kiss!” That’s partly why ADATS needs a sequel, lol: because it’s not finished!

Writing process

The first thing I do when I start to get an idea is I write it down. Sounds obvious. But when you have a killer line of dialogue come to you in the shower and you think “I’ll remember that” -- reader, you will not remember it. You gotta get it down ASAP! I do that the whole way through, as generally I’ll be thinking of scenes I’m stuck on and then it’ll just come to me and I’ll quickly jot it down.

The next thing -- or what I do in the meantime -- is start structuring. I plan. I try to plan a lot. Sometimes it’s okay to write “and something happens here to get them here”, because you’ll figure it out later, but for the most part I’ve discovered that planning is like gold and you can’t get enough of it. I break my work up into generally 3-4 parts/sections, and I treat each section like a mini story. So each part needs a conflict and resolution, and it needs to flow into the next section. You need to have a feeling of things evolving and maturing. Once I’ve planned those little bits, I start thinking about the bigger plot arc and how I can drop in hints along the way. I’m probably not a subtle or skilled enough writer to yet pull off that sort of gasping twist you get in really excellent books, but I’m trying to get there. It’s hard, is what I’m trying to say, but that’s okay, because we’re all learning.

Then I generally do aesthetic stuff. Sounds stupid, probably. But nothing helps me get more into a mood than doing a Pinterest board or -- most of all -- making a Spotify mix. I start thinking about the vibe and the general atmosphere, and then I almost exclusively listen to that mix when I’m working. Sort of like muscle memory? Just to get the creative juices associated with that particular selection of songs.

Another thing I’ll do along with plot structure is character structure. This is a biggie. I mean, a story is nothing without characters. So I’ll just jot down a bunch of bullet points of characters and particular aspects that I want to highlight or remember. I hate continuity errors in fiction. Like, if someone says they work on Maple Street but later in the fic they’re working on Pine Street. I hate that. So I keep note of specific things that my main character might notice at repeated points in the story (colours, places, smells, names, sounds -- so they’re all consistent even as the narrative evolves). That’s another thing -- your characters’ motivations. Not everyone is going to be a huge player, but they all do serve a purpose. The most important character is obviously your main character. I personally think it’s important to let your M.C. be an arse at times. They’re going to be mean, they’re going to misinterpret things or fly off the handle... just let ‘em. Let them be wretched humans, and then bring them back and make them realise what they’ve done. Let them learn! I love consequences in fiction, lol.

At the same time, I’ll probably start writing. We’ve already written down some snippets of neat dialogue or descriptions, but now we should start the actual process. For me, I used to start at the beginning. Usually this was the most fleshed out anyway: I’ll have a clear idea of the beginning and the end, but nothing in the middle. These days, if I have a scene in mind that I can’t forget, I’ll just write it. It will possibly get scrapped or rewritten, but that’s okay, because at least you’ve got it down and now you can devote your brain power to something useful (like figuring out what the middle is supposed to be). I’ll have half a dozen of totally out of context scenes just littered in my Word document that I’ll add to as I go along. Eventually, though, you’re going to start writing properly, and that’s when you write your opening scene.

Opening scenes: super important. Every time I write a scene I think: what is the point of this? What do I want the reader to learn or takeaway? Sometimes you do have filler scenes, but they also serve a different purpose (perhaps to establish a group dynamic or to explore/describe a character’s surroundings). Mainly, though, every scene should push something forward in some way, whether it’s character development or a plot point. So, with an opening scene, I always think you have to establish: where you are; who you are; what they are doing; where they’ve come from (in a philosophical and practical sense); and where they’re going (ditto). That doesn’t have to happen in the first paragraph -- that would be silly. But if you sprinkle that information in over time it’ll gradually build up a picture of your character and that way the reader can get an idea of who they are. You basically need to give a snapshot of what your story is about. This also goes back to the character creator stuff: where they are at the start should be different to where they end up. How that happens is, of course, because of plot, and because you’ve structured everything to the nth degree, we’ve got a very clear progression of that character’s growth (/s easier said than done lol).

General advice

Write down everything: every idea, a bit of dialogue, a description, whatever. Write it down. Doesn’t have to be neat. Just has to be on paper. You can’t remember everything, so if you’re spending time trying to hold those things in your head, it’s taking up space for new ideas to come along.

Structure, plan, structure, plan. Sometimes it’s boring and I hate it. Other times, when I’ve not written in a few days and I open the Word doc and think wtf is this supposed to be, I am very grateful for Past Me for leaving such detailed notes. Seriously, it helps so much. Oneshots don’t really need planning, in my experience. You just get those out there. But multi-chaptered stories really do, even ones that “just” focus on a relationship.

Whatever you want to write, commit to it. Space goblins invade Hawkins? Do it. Eleven and Max find themselves in a cult akin to Midsommar (2019) and must escape? Yes. Just... whatever you want to do, remember that you’re writing it for you. Write what most interests you, what makes you when you reread it go AHHHHH I LOVE THIS!! Because that makes it a thousand times easier to actually get on with the writing when you enjoy what you’re doing.

Write a lot. Every day, if you can, or at least at designated times. Occasionally I have a very specific headspace/vibe I have to be in, but sometimes it just hits me and I’ll say to my partner “I need to write now” and just disappear, lol. The more you write the more you write. It’s so, so, so true. Cannot emphasise this enough. When I wrote that ~200k in twelve months? It was because I literally wrote every. day. Or near enough. Remember that some days you’ll write 200 words, and other days you’ll write 20k (this happened to me with ADATS -- part of the reason I finished it so quickly was because I had sprints of writing 10k+ at a time that only happened because I was in the rhythm of it). Write, write, write. Who cares if it’s crap! No one will see it until you are ready. In the meantime, just write!

Probably last of all (although I could go on and on) is connect with other writers. If you’re struggling to start, sometimes just talking about it can help a huge amount. I hope it goes without saying that you can message me whenever you want, anon or not, and I will talk to you. We can talk about ideas or I can beta stuff, whatever you want! Find like-minded people and talk to them about what you want to do. Another thing this helps is in advertising your work when you do publish. I see a lot of first time fic writers get super down because they publish their magnum opus on AO3 but no one comments. Honestly, it’s because no one knows you’ve published! You don’t have to be tooting your own horn every which way, but just actively talking about your work and even collaborating with other content creators with get you hyped and other people too (and the input and encouragement other fandom members give is just... out of this world. Anon messages helped me finish ADATS when I was really worried I wouldn’t [that’s the truth]. Seriously, support is everything). When you have people excited about your work, you get excited. It’s really as simple as that.

I could go on but this is already horrendously long. I hope even a bit of this helps! If you want to chat or have any more questions, just hit me up any time.

#writing tips #writing help #writing advice #answered #i really hope this helps/answers your question!#i can do something more structured if you want #otherwise here are just my initial thoughts #Anonymous

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blackjack-15 · 5 years ago

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Hunting For Some Buried Story — Thoughts on: Ransom of the Seven Ships (RAN)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE, ICE, CRY, VEN, HAU

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it. Like with all of the Odd Games, there will be a section between The Intro and The Title called The Weird Stuff, where I go into what makes this game stand out as a little strange.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with links to previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: RAN; STFD; mention of FIN; GTH; mention of SPY.

The Intro:

We’re two-thirds of the way through the meta series officially (yay for meta #20!), and what a way to cap off that marker: with the last of the Odd Games.

And my land, how Odd it is. And that’s ignoring that in August of 2020, this game was very quietly discontinued — speculated to be because of the…well, pseudo-brownface in the game.

Oh yeah, we’re starting with that little bomb.

Before we truly begin, however, let me state one fact: the controversies over this game do not make it any more interesting, unfortunately. I don’t know how a game can be both this objectively bad and this objectively boring as a mystery, but RAN is an example of many, many impossible feats in the video game industry (boring yet bad, controversial yet uninteresting, finicky yet sluggish in controls, so it might as well begin as it means to go on.

I’m also stating here for the record that I’m not really going to focus on the social aspect of this game; it’s always been out of the scope of these metas to focus on current events or social issues, and race is such a hot button issue that no matter what anyone says, someone gets mad. Besides that, it’s really not an interesting tack to take with this meta, not when there’s so many things to talk about regarding RAN as a game and/or as a mystery. If you came into this meta expecting a breakdown as it relates to any social issues, this might not be the meta for you.

If you came for a beat-down on RAN, however, you’re in the right place. Get comfy.

Ransom of the Seven Ships had all the pieces in place to make it a great game; we’ve got Bess and George in the (weird, plasticky) flesh, a fascinating and beautiful location, a historical background based in Spanish exploration, the Age of Piracy, and treasure hunting…all of these are great, honestly, and it’s part of what makes RAN so offensively bad — it could have been really great.

Instead of a wonderful game based around pirate treasure, however, Nancy plays games with monkeys, drives on the world’s slowest golf cart, and trusts the only other person on the entire freaking island when he says he didn’t kidnap her friend. Even though he is the ONLY OTHER PERSON ON THE FREAKING ISLAND.

This game is based off of a Nancy Drew mystery entitled “The Broken Anchor”, which actually is fairly close to the plot of the game — the girls win a contest (though in this case it’s one they didn’t even enter) to go to the Bahamas, Nancy arrives (with Carson) and can’t contact Bess or George, there’s a mysterious treasure, etc. etc. In part, I think, RAN’s problems come from following the book too closely, as there’s really very little to the plot of the book. Game plots necessarily have to have a little more meat to them, as you can’t spend the whole time with Nancy pontificating on the scenery or food (as she is wont to do), and RAN is missing a lot of meat.

Specifically, the meat that it’s missing is any suspects at all. Like I said, there’s only one other person (other than Nancy, Bess, and George) on the island, and it’s ‘Johnny Rolle’ — a self-professed fisherman and loner who’s boat has been wrecked by the monkeys.

There are way too many effing monkeys in this game, side note. How I wish the monkeys were a side note.

Nancy, despite her normal M.O when a kidnapping of a friend has taken place, just kinda rolls with his story and accepts it, digging pointless holes in the sand while he definitely has Bess trapped. And then there’s the weirdness with the monkeys trying to kill her as she scales a sheer cliff wall.

Honestly, if I go any more into it, I’m just going to end up tearing it apart piece by piece, and that’s for the Fix section. So let’s move on to the specific things that make this game truly the capstone of the Odd Games.

The Weird Stuff:

This game is, first and foremost, a story about personal revenge — or, at least, that’s the big takeaway, no matter what HER actually intended for it to be about. After being busted by Nancy (and Lillian, and Ralph, but he apparently doesn’t care about them), Dwayne sat in prison stewing over his ignominious defeat at the hands of a teenaged sleuth until he heard about the supposed treasure on Dread Isle. His greed for the treasure combined with his hatred of Nancy began to fester together, culminating in a slightly complex but ultimately stupid plan to get both money and revenge.

This is a motivation unlike any we’ve encountered. Sure, a handful of Nancy Drew villains have sworn their revenge on Nancy (most notably at this point in the series Helena from VEN), but no one has actually done it — until Dwayne.

This should have made the whole game feel intensely personal — and indeed, bringing back tokens and things from Nancy’s past cases and locations should have built to that. However, the game never really comes to a fever pitch of a feeling of someone is watching Nancy and actively hates her, even though it makes a few attempts. More than any other game, Nancy should have been scared here — and it’s odd that she isn’t.

The second odd thing here is the returning villain. I don’t think this is a bad thing at all — I love the idea of a returning villain — but I do think it was a mistake to pick Dwayne Powers. At this point in the series, STFD was hardly a well-known game, and was generally unplayable due to technological advances.

Yes, later STFD would get a bit of a sprucing up and become playable again (and this game, funnily enough, would be relegated to the ‘unplayable’ pile — Dwayne never can win, I guess), but that didn’t matter at the time that RAN was coming out.

There were several better choices — VEN’s Helena, SHA’s Shorty, DOG’s Emily (who had already received a mention recently in DAN) — so why go with Dwayne? Did they pick him on purpose because no one would suspect (or rather, remember) him? Was he the most obscure villain they could think of? Mitch Dillon (who never appeared really) from SCK would have been an equally obscure but somehow more frightening choice. I’m really at a loss to figure out why they chose Dwayne, of all people.

The third thing that makes this game odd is the lack of suspects. Sure, they give a hat-tip to the Gibsons perhaps being hidden on the island (which, let’s just say, they shouldn’t have — never use as a red herring something that would have made the game so much better), but Dwayne/Johnny really is the only suspect.

I have no idea if they were rushed, if they thought that his different identities counted as extra suspects, or if they just wanted to try something different with this game, but it in no way worked. It’s so mind-bogglingly simple to figure out who kidnapped Bess that it makes Nancy look like she’s quite a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

The last Odd thing that I’ll hang on is how incredibly out-of-character Nancy is in this game. We’ve only seen Nancy work kidnapping (or supposed kidnapping) cases a few times in the series as a whole — FIN’s Maya, RAN’s Bess, and GTH’s Jessalyn — but in both FIN and GTH Nancy takes them very seriously, being harsher and more impatient with less time for people’s lies and stories than she usually is, and really feeling the pressure of the clock.

It makes sense; even discounting the Missing Mom trauma that sits deep within Nancy, the first 48 hours of a kidnapping are basically the only window that she has, statistically speaking, to find the victim still alive and okay. She nearly flies off the handle at the suspects in FIN, and digs uncomfortably deep even at very touchy subjects in GTH.

It then stands to reason that, with FIN in the past and GTH in the future, that Nancy would react similarly in this case. Bess is one of Nancy’s best friends, and the friend that we’re shown most often (think of the flashback in SPY; Bess is the one who comes over after Kate and Carson’s fight) around Nancy, like in CRY.

You’d think that, in the face of Bess’ unambiguous kidnapping, that Nancy would be raising hell — contacting anyone she could, taking no prisoners, ripping Dwayne’s tarp down, turning the island upside down, etc. — but instead, she’s calm, almost relaxed, spending time playing games with monkeys and driving aimlessly around the island.

It honestly makes no sense that she’s like this. This is one of a small handful of games where Nancy is deeply, personally invested, where she has a quick running clock, and where the stakes are deadly yet somewhat unknown.

Nancy comes into this with no background, no contacts, no ability to really look things up, and no help — George’s meager efforts do not count — and yet she acts like there are really no stakes. It doesn’t make me dislike her, it doesn’t make me fold that into her characterization — it just makes me say “wow, the writing is really bad here, huh”.

The Title:

Ransom of the Seven Ships is an amazing title; there’s really no getting around this fact. And for the bare bones of the game, it’s more than a suitable title. You’ve got the word ‘ransom’ doing double duty — meaning both treasure and the price to return someone who’s been kidnapped — you’ve got the ships indicating pirate treasure, and that also tells us we’re probably on an island.

Honestly, this is a far better title than this game really deserved (which is half the reason for this meta: turning the game into something that deserves its title). It’s certainly far better than “The Broken Anchor”, its source material, while keeping a pirate-y nature about it. While it’s a little different than most Nancy Drew games’ titles have been up to this point — as they’re usually “The (Adjective) Noun of Location” or “The Adjective Noun”, that’s not a bad thing at all.

This title really does make me sad with how wonderful it is. It deserved so much better. Same with Ship of Shadows, which is also boss.

The Mystery:

Having won an all-expense paid vacation to Dread Isle in the Bahamas (which should have been their first clue that something hinky was afoot), Bess invites Nancy and George along with her. Nancy arrives the day after the cousins, having stayed for a later flight because of a prior engagement with Carson, and is greeted by a frantic George who tells her that Bess has been kidnapped, that the owners of the resort – the Gibsons — aren’t there, and that she’s been worried sick.

Nancy, naturally, senses something Amiss, and sets off to explore the islands, beginning from the pink sand beach where Bess’ water powered golf cart (yes, I know) is still sitting. She discovers Bess’ shoe next to the only other person on the island — a fisherman named Johnny Rolle from Jamaica — and sets off to explore the rest of the island.

Along the way she finds notes from Bess’ kidnappers, instructions on digging for treasure, twisting island paths, and monkeys. So many friggin monkeys. All of whom Nancy must appease in order to progress in her hunt for one of her oldest friends.

Yeah.

As a mystery…well, what is there really to say about the mystery? It should have been over the second Nancy found Bess’ shoe right outside Dwayne’s camp where a Suspicious Tarp Just Big Enough To Hide the Body of a Young Adult was hanging. An intelligent way to draw it out would be to have Nancy discover Bess there, but for Dwayne to pull a fast one on her and trap her below…but this isn’t the fix section, so let’s just move on past that.

If you weren’t going to add in any new characters or suspects, it might be best to have this game flip from a whodunnit to a howdunnit/howcatchem after the first third; as it is (aka since I’m going to add far more characters in The Fix section), we’ll move right along to the suspect in question himself.

The Suspects:

Yes, I know that this part should just be “The Suspect”.

Believe me, I know.

Wearing a whole cornucopia of masks, Johnny Rolle — aka John E. Poole — is an Australian accountant, hiding from ‘bad clients’ by painting himself brown and adopting a horrible (and horribly stereotypical) Jamaican accent. Nancy discovers his ‘true’ identity by finding an ID with his name on it while he’s still in the ‘Johnny’ disguise. Of course, this ‘true identity’ isn’t his true identity as all…

Dwayne Powers —aka Owen W. Spayder — is sitting underneath the bad wig, bandana, brownface, and horrible accents, and is voiced in this go-around by HER’s chameleon of many voices, good ol’ JVS. After hearing about Dread Isle’s rumors of treasure and their monkey research lab shutting down from a volunteer at his prison (yes, we’re already way too complicated for this game), Dwayne started planning to get the treasure and get revenge on Nancy at the same time.

As the culprit…man is Dwayne horrible. He’s so stupid that it really kills me that Nancy actually falls for his act, because it makes her even stupider. It’s not a good plan, it’s not well thought out, it’s not even a complete plan — it relies on too many unknowables. What if Nancy and George had just stormed his camp and found Bess? What if Nancy figured out it was him? Like, I know Dwayne is an egotist, but this is just dumb.

Before I eviscerate any more, let’s just move on to the few good things in this game.

The Favorite:

The best thing about RAN (other than its music, which as always is super good) is honestly its location. Dread Isle is beautifully and uniquely rendered, and doesn’t look like any other game with the pink-sand beaches, beautiful horizon line, and foliage all befitting a Bahamian resort.

I also like the idea of a returning culprit; while it wasn’t handled well here, I do think it’s a great idea as quite a few culprits have promised revenge on Nancy at the end of their games. Do I think it would have been better if it was Helena, who promised revenge only 2 games ago, rather than going back 18 games to a game that most hadn’t played due to lack of availability? Of course; but the idea behind it was sound.

I don’t have a favorite puzzle or favorite moment; even Dwayne’s dramatic reveal is ruined by the fact that Nancy is at all surprised that he was wearing a disguise and, once again, that the only other person on the island was responsible for kidnapping her friend.

The Un-Favorite:

As far as this section goes…there’s a lot that I don’t like, but there are a few things that stand out more than the rest as truly un-favorite.

My least favorite thing about this game, as you might be able to guess, is that it makes Nancy seem so stupid. We’ve had 19 games of Nancy (mostly; this meta series does go over the exceptions) figuring out clues, chasing bad guys, and solving puzzles without breaking a sweat, and then for this game she’s fooled by some makeup, a wig, and a bad accent? At least in STFD Dwayne put some effort into his work; this is just sad, and it’s even sadder that Nancy falls for it.

My least favorite moment in the game is probably the first conversation with ‘Johnny’. Nancy finds Bess’ shoe, gets strung up in a trap, and then believes that the guy sitting a few feet away is innocent and telling the truth? It’s a moment that truly sets up what a crap shoot this game is about to become, and that alone is enough to make it my least favorite.

My least favorite puzzle is anything to do with the monkeys; playing games with them, scaling the cliff, talking to them, talking about them — literally anything. I don’t like monkeys on a good day, but to have so many puzzles in the game revolve around playing their stupid little games with them? Not a good thing at all. Especially since getting around the island (and, of course, the monkeys live quite far away from anything else on the island) is so aggravatingly slow and clunky — it makes everything feel like a total slog.

The Fix:

So how would I fix Ransom of the Seven Ships?

My gosh, just remake the game.

More seriously, there are quite a few things that I would do in order to make playing through RAN a little more enjoyable and a lot more story-driven (and in line with Nancy and George’s characters). As always, I’m trying to keep this as close to the actual game as possible with few or no huge changes, so Dwayne will still be our culprit, Bess will still have won his giveaway, and Dread Isle will still be the spot of El Toro’s treasure.

The first thing I would do is get rid of Dwayne’s brownface/first disguise, and have him be the Australian accountant named John E. Poole, running from Bad News clients who he didn’t allow to cheat come tax day. That sets him up as a good guy to begin with (if a little foolish to cross such powerful clients), and gives a reason why he’s not staying at the resort (he’s trying to hide and not leave a paper/money trail at the same time). He should be staying in a little homemade hut, not with a Suspicious Tarp Obviously Hiding Bess, as he would have had to been on the island for a while to perfect his disguise (and seem trustworthy to the people at the resort).

I would also have the game take place on Nancy’s 19th birthday; if we assume she was barely 18 at the time of STFD, that makes it about a year that he would have been plotting and escaping and setting up this contest and such. It also makes sense as to why Nancy would have a banquet-thing with Carson and why Bess invited her and George — it’s a fabulous birthday party trip, even for the well-off Nancy Drew. That would also add to her anger — this was a great present that Bess (and George) gave her, and Dwayne has just straight-up ruined it.

Another change that would help the atmosphere is to have at least half the game take place at night. I would have the game take place over roughly two days — it ends the night of the second day — so that you can see the island at night. A lot of the demands made by ‘the kidnappers’ should be done at night — treasure digging, in particular — so as to not be more disruptive to the island than a missing persons case would already be.

Of course, one of the biggest things to do would be to add more suspects.

The Gibsons — both of them — should definitely be there at the resort. I’d have one half of the couple be in the resort during the day, and the other at night, so Nancy can interact with them both differently and have different tasks/discussions with them. Perhaps Mrs. Gibson is an expert on the island’s ‘lore’ — El Toro’s treasure and stuff — while Mr. Gibson is more up on island life and is the law enforcement liaison for the island (who can effectively deputize Nancy to help with the search for Bess).

I would also add one other guest who was supposed to check out right before the first note from the kidnappers came in, and is now stuck on the island until the case is solved. What I’d probably do is make them a Secret Australian (to contrast with Dwayne’s fake Australian accent) — sporting an English accent due to a posh upbringing and studying in England for most of their school life, living in England somewhere (maybe near Blackmoor Manor for a cool Easter egg) — who is Very Grumpy about this and thinks Bess ran off to explore and just got lost. I’d probably make them unhelpful to the last — even when Bess is found and had definitely been kidnapped, to just shrug it off and to board the plane to get home as quickly as possible.

The last person I’d add in is someone working the desk — specifically, an older teenager who is very cagey about themselves and how they know what they know, but who seems to know a lot more than they let on. This person would, of course, end up being a member of ATAC, and once Nancy figures it out, would be able to connect you with help from the Hardy Boys. This ATAC member would be scoping out the Gibsons for evidence of getting guests under false pretenses, but would ultimately change their suspicions to Dwayne and help Nancy and George catch him. Through this ATAC teen, the Hardy Boys could use outside information to give Nancy information about monkeys, the island, treasure, El Toro, and anything else that she encounters, as well as spread their feelers out about the Gibsons, the other guest, and John E. Poole.

I would of course want to improve the tone, which would be helped by having more people on the island — Nancy should feel scared that Bess disappeared with this many people around, and it should feel personal. As the game goes on, even with the added help, the walls should feel like they’re closing in. I would include way more second chances, traps, threatening notes, maybe even recordings of Bess screaming or scared or in pain — something that might push the rating to E+ because, quite frankly, the situation calls for it.

Mechanically, I would put way less focus on the monkeys; they really shouldn’t control everything on the island. Keeping them for a minigame and location is cool, but they definitely shouldn’t have their place of prominence in the game.

I would also remove the fact that you can control George. Out of all the games where I think controlling people other than Nancy would be great, this is not one of them. As worried as Nancy should be, this is George’s cousin — practically her sister, from how close their families are and how much time they spend together — and George would probably be in a State. Sure, she can help with some of the tech stuff, but the player definitely shouldn’t be playing as her in this game. It just feels forced, and it’s not necessary.

Would these changes make RAN a fantastic, award-winning game? No, honestly, they wouldn’t. In order to do that, you’d probably have to scrap the game entirely and start over with even barer bones. But I do think it would help to make it at least better and more playable, and I think that’s a win. Let RAN be remembered for its returning villain and its kidnapping plot, not for being the game that everyone skips during a replay of the series.

#nancy drew #clue crew #nancy drew games #ransom of the seven ships #nancy drew meta #RAN #video games #long post #my meta

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propertyofwicked · 5 years ago

Note

Could you do an a-z for dating dean please? I loved tom’s! 😍

i really enjoy writing these :) ive got a george one requested so i will be doing that later. hope you enjoy this one anon :)

a - argue

like the mature adults you guys are, any argument results in silent treatment till one of you realises your fault and apologises. sometimes it takes other people to point out your mistakes, but in the end you would talk it out, make compromises and understand your differences. a little goes along way with you and dean.

b - body (his favourite body part of yours)

dean likes your hands. he likes how they move to cup his face when you kiss, he likes how your fingers move effortlessly across your keyboard when you’re typing, he likes how they wrap around things ;) he likes how they fit perfectly in his and he likes how they run over the surface of his back.

c - care (caring for each other when you’re sick)

you both spend a lot of time away from each other, as he is away filming a lot and you are at uni or doing coursework. when you do get to spend time together and it happens that someone is ill, you’re still going to spend as much time together as physically possible. you’ll spend the day in bed, wrapped up warm. If you’re ill, dean wants to treat you like a queen. under no circumstances are you to leave the bed, unless it’s for the toilet, and even then, he keeps an eye on you to make sure you don’t pass out on the way. he’ll cook you food and bring you painkillers as often as needed. when he’s ill, you’ll do mostly the same, perhaps try and move him to the sofa or go for a walk for some fresh air.

d - dates (what do you guys do?)

to the start of your relationship, dean preferred to take you on high key fancy restaurants, but once you were comfortable settled together you’d go on cafe dates in-between lectures or just stay home and watch movies with some takeaway food.

e - engagements (how he proposed)

dean had taken you to venice for your birthday, and spent the entire week spoiling you,as he usually would much to your protests. on the last night before you flew home, you went for dinner and on the way home, he took you to a cute little bridge, tucked away from the main town. whilst you were distracted by the stars appearing in the orange sky, he got down on one near and called out your name to gain your attention.

f - friends and family (do they like you/him?)

his parents loved you. his mum and you often cooked together whenever you visited for dinner, or you and his dad would talk about politics or the football. His little sister liked having a female around that was closer to her age, you were more of her friend than her sister-in-law. your parents liked dean, he was the most respectable boy you’d ever dated and they could see how happy he made you. out of each of your friendship groups, you both were the longest to be single, so your friends were just happy to see you not crying over some failed fling.

g - gifts

as dean was away for filming a lot, he often wanted to remind you of how much he loved you by getting flowers delivered to your house and when he was done filming, he’d sometimes brought back bits of set or props that he thought you would like. being a broke student meant that sometimes the only gift you could send would be some lovely photos specially for him ;)

h - how you met

often, your uni would use it’s rooms to host interviews for press tours, or q&a halls. the uni offered pay for a group of people to set up the rooms and pack up at the end so you volunteered. tt was here you ran into george and dean as it was a 1917 q&a. they were lost so you helped direct them to the room they needed to be in. dean actively stalked you down after the interview and asked if you’d want to go for coffee with him and you hit it off from there.

i - intimacy (how often are yall getting down)

whenever, wherever. he’s down. the amount of time you spend apart just builds up your need to be together, so you grasp at any chance you can to be physically intimate with one another. it’s when you’re bored of a tv program, or he’s wearing a suit, you get the gist.

j - jealousy

you get fairly jealous as dean works around and with a lot of people you believe to be better, prettier, that yourself. as much as dean reassures you, you can’t help yourself from wondering if he’d ever leave you for one of the actress he work with. dean doesn’t tend to be massively jealous, but the more time he spends away from you, the more jealous he gets. he fears that you will find someone who can be in your life more permanently and physically than he can.

k - kinks

dean likes edging/control. he loves to see you struggle to contain your release until he says so, and he loves to take you beyond the point of pleasure till you’re literally begging to cum.

l - long distance

with dean working away so much, long distance gets hard. Sometimes he manages to come home for the weekend, but he could be gone for 3 months at a time. every night, you facetime or call each other whilst just going about your daily routine together, as if he was there. just hearing each others voices daily was enough to keep you going till you saw each other again.

m - moving in

there was never really a point where you moved in with him. your stuff just started manifesting it’s way into his house, to the extent you’d spend ages searching your room for it only to realise you’d left it at dean’s. once you were going into your second year at university, you’d been with dean for almost a year and he just kind of suggested that you live with him to avoiding massive bills for uni halls, but everyone knew it was a ploy to be able to spend more time with you.

n - nights out

as a student, nights out were key to social engagements. so, your group of uni friends and their partners would head out to a local pub and spend the evening chatting drinking or playing darts. you’d both stumble home at the early hours and wake up several hours later with a pounding hangover.

o - open with each other

whilst he was away, it was hard to be fully open with each other, knowing that anything bothering you would just upset each other further as you couldn’t be with each other at the time. once he was home, however, it was easy to spend hours wrapped up together talking about anything that was on your mind.

p - pda

neither of you are particularly into massive displays due to the public eye being on you more often than not, but a simple hand hold or peck didn’t go amiss. dean preferred to save all of his affection for home, where he could properly show you how much you meant to him.

q - questions (what you talk about late at night?)

let’s be honest, you would go into any massively deep conversation it’d be more along the lines of “how was your day? what did you do? did I ever tell you about the time that...” but it was the small moment s like that that counted.

r - reproduction (do you want kids?)

not at this point in time, as it is the start of your careers and you’re both pretty young but you had discussed it a little. if it was to happen by surprise, you’d both embrace it but one day down the line you fully plan to have atleast a child if not more.

s - surprising (what surprised you about him)

the simplicity of his happiness. it doesn’t take much to make dean smile, or let out a little laugh but every time he did you feel a surge of happiness rush through yourself. to see him happy made you happy, so you’d strive to do that as much as humanly possible.

t - together (what you do together)

you guys like watching movies, which isnt surprising given the nature of deans job. you also like to spend quite a lot of time in the bedroom ;)

u - under the influence (drunk vibes)

it was rather common that you’d be out separately, you out with uni mates or him with co stars. drunk calls were the best, both of you becoming the funniest people alive whilst intoxicated. when he chose to stay home and you’d make you way back, fumbling to get the keys in the lock subsequently waking him up, he’d come to you and put you in bed. he’d make sure there was a glass of water and painkillers and a bowl near your head. you’d do the same, but drunk dean is flirty dean and whilst you were trying to change him into sleepable clothing, he’d make comments like “at least by me dinner first”

v - vacations

a lot of your holidays were spent on set with him, but sometimes you’d go abroad to malta or somewhere remote. you preferred quiet, adventure holidays than expensive beach holidays.

w - wedding

you had the cutest wedding ever. it was in this converted barn, with both your families and friends attending and the reception was basically a massive party in very fitting taste for you and dean.

x - xray (when he’s hurt)

dean injured himself on set of 1917, where he slipped down a trench and twisted his ankle fairly bad. because of it, he was sent home for two weeks to recuperate, where you literally tended to his every need. you brought him food, drink, medication and care to the point where he literally had to make you spend time on your other work rather than him for some time. normally it would just end in you falling asleep, cuddling on the sofa, in your living room.

y - you (a random headcanon)

you’d had a long and bad day at uni, so you came home stressed out of your mind, muscled tensed and a pounding headache. the moment you stepped foot into the flat, you bag dropped to the floor and shoes kicked to the side, you walked into the living room where dean looked up at you and sent you a small smile. he noticed the fatigue in your eyes and posture, moving to pat his lap for you to sit on. You found your way onto his lap, legs wrapping around his waist as he moved to lay down. you hands moved under his back to hold him properly and one of his arms snaked around your waist, the other moving to brush a hand through your hair. his head lifted up slightly to press a kiss onto the top of your head.

“bad day?”

“very. but it’s slightly better now.”

“you’re very welcome babygirl”

z - zzzzzzzzzzzz’s (sleeping routine)

dean would be in bed before you every night without fail as you’d be sat doing coursework till late. but he always stayed awake till you made your way into the room and held out his arms for you to climb into and rest your head on his chest. his hands would go straight to your hair and brush through them softly, lulling you into a deep sleep that he too would fall into soon after you.

#1917 #dean charles chapman #dean charles chapman x reader #dean charles chapman imagine #tom blake #tom blake x reader #tom blake imagine #george mackay #george mackay x reader #george mackay imagine #will schofield #will schofield x reader #will schofield imagine

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wolfpawn · 6 years ago

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I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 60

Chapter Summary - The Hiddleston's deal with Emma's words to Danielle before Christmas, but Danielle pleads with them to drop it.

When Tom and Danielle get talking, they discuss matters that require Luke's input, which quickly leads to Tom begging her for something.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @lys-syl @youcantcatchafallingstar

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Tom and Danielle walked over to Diana’s with Danielle still in her nightwear and Tom in the jeans and hoodie he went to the shops in. As soon as they entered the house, the thick atmosphere was the first thing they noticed.

“Right, first things first, Yakov, get your daughter and go to mine,” Danielle ordered, Yakov nodded and rushed upstairs to get his daughter out of the horrible atmosphere. “Ready?” She asked, looking to Tom.

“For what, Emma deserves this.”

“Tom, no good comes from holding grudges, I told you that after everything with Taylor, now, she is your sister, and this is all out now so we move on.”

Tom did not seem so sure but nodded in agreement in the end. “Fine.” He conceded grudgingly as they made their way into Diana’s kitchen.

Inside, Sarah and Diana stood at one side of the room while Emma and Jack stood on the other, the older Hiddleston women glaring at the younger, her husband looking almost ashamed next to her. When Tom and Danielle entered, Sarah and Diana immediately looked to them.

“Is what I heard true Tom?” Sarah demanded as soon as Danielle closed the door. “Well?”

“Sarah…”

“I’ve sent Yakov over to mine with the Duchess, it’s not healthy to have her hear this.” Danielle began, the other adults looked somewhat ashamed. “The other day, Emma was slightly annoyed and tried to extend something of an olive branch to me, but I had just gotten out of bed and was wearing Tom’s shirt, she saw that and got pissed off again leading her to say that she wanted me to back off, she had lost time with her brother of late and I was to give her time with him and the family, I did so, resulting in my less than fine moment of fracturing my wrist, but since then she has apologised to myself and Tom and we have to her and have tried to get passed everything that happened, so please, can we continue to do that?”

“She...she actually told you to back off from us, wait, is that why you didn’t ring to say you were in fucking hospital.”

“Sarah.” Diana chastised.

“Mum, you are worried about my language right now?”

“Look, Emma felt betrayed, you and she both know, hell, even Diana knows that people have become obsessed with using you guys to get to Tom, and well, can you blame her for getting pissed off with me? I was supposed to be her friend and next thing she knows, I am dating her brother, it’s not exactly nice. So her anger is somewhat understandable, as is Tom’s for how she has acted when all he wants is for everyone to be happy.”

“So those two are arguing and you are not mad at Emma?” Sarah asked in disbelief.

“No, I’m not, she is my best friend, and recently I haven’t had a lot of time to show her how much I actually care for her as my best friend and I should have, I’m sorry.” She looked at Emma as she spoke. “I really miss you.”

Emma swallowed and her eyes darted around. “I…” But she said no more.

“It’s done, please everyone, can we not argue about it, Em’s sorry, Tom and I are sorry, and all I was is my breakfast which is going cold for no reason because we are all arguing over a non-issue.”

“She never even got you a present, that is how petty she got, and you are not getting pissed off?” Sarah questioned.

“So what? I got enough this year, seriously, the only thing she needs to give me is a chance to prove I wasn’t using her to get to Tom.”

“You realise for the youngest person here, you’re the most mature one.” Diana smiled fondly looking at her.

“Obviously, I’m Irish,” She tossed her hair dramatically as she spoke before looking over at Jack and smiling “The good kind of Irish.”

“Ha-ha, forever with the jokes, Galway Girl.”

“You know the real one was actually red haired, but it didn’t match the song,” Danielle informed him.

As though the tension had finally gotten too much, Emma burst out laughing, “Why do you know this?”

“You know I know way too much stupid information, that;s why you are always trying to get me to do Table Quizzes with you.”

“You know about American football.”

“I used work nights, there are no other sports on at four am but basketball and American football, you learn fairly quick.” She shrugged. “Came in handy, got me a job next summer with a company from the States because I was able to know who Tom Brady was, and not just that he is married to Gisele Bun-whatever her name is, supermodel lady.”

“That got you a job?” Sarah asked in shock.

“Studio people are stuck around each other for stupid amounts of hours a day, they want people they can talk to, converse with, I clearly just said the right things.”

“Wait, when are you going to America?”

“May or June, I can’t remember, the contract signing is in March.” She dismissed before looking back at him, “Why?”

“I just didn’t…”

“Are you upset I’ll be going away for a few weeks?” She asked with a knowing smile. “Well, who knows, maybe if you’re not busy you can come.”

“It’s weird being the one that will be left behind,” Tom commented.

“We will have to do so from time to time. Now, are we all calm and back to normal?” She asked, looking around; everyone nodded, though she knew they were all still quite awkward with one another. “Fine, I’m getting breakfast, it has been a fairly weird morning.” She stated, much to the confusion of everyone but Tom before towards the back door. “I feel like trash, I am walking around in my pyjamas, I swear, if today is the day the leeches try to get a new pic of Tom, I am going to die of embarrassment.” She growled as she left.

Diana and his sisters looked to Tom for an explanation but all Tom could do is chuckle and shrug before looking to Emma, his face becoming serious again. “On a serious note, she really does want to fix things between you. She is the one fighting for everything to go back the way it was, remember that.” He stated before following her back to her house.

“Elle?”

“Bedroom.”

“You changed your study/office.”

“I know, I was going to start studying for a few days while I was home, but I guess I’ll be having to pack it all for London now.” She smiled. “Actually, that’s why I’m in here, I am going to need more than a week’s worth of undies and t-shirts.”

“Well, I have a new suitcase that can help.” He grinned, wrapping his arms around her waist. “I am actually looking forward to this.”

Really?” She turned her head toward him slightly.

“Yes, having you to myself.”

“You had me to yourself before now.”

“But you were working too much.”

“I still have to work,” She reminded him.

“As do I, but we’ll make time, won’t me, to just watch a film?”

“Get a takeaway, perhaps Netflix and Chill.” She smiled turning to look at him. “Maybe even go for a walk in the fresh air, together.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, probably away from the city first, then when we are found out, in the park.”

Tom kissed her passionately. “I cannot tell you how much I want that.”

“Good, we also have to talk to Luke about our plan, regarding the picture and that.”

“I’ll text him in a minute, we can organise something then, but I think he will like it.”

“Text him now, no procrastinating, call if you can.” She ordered.

“Yes, Ma’am.” He gave her a military salute as he did so and took out his phone, and got up Luke’s number. “Hello Luke, how was your Christmas?”

“Tom, what’s happened?” Luke’s voice was fearful down the phone.

“Nothing.” Tom rolled his eyes, “Wait, you never used to answer the phone to me like that before.”

“I used never have to worry about you and publicity tramps before.”

Danielle frowned next to Tom. “Hang on, are you talking about Danielle?” Tom began to get annoyed.

“Tom, the only controversial thing about Ms Hughes is what way to spell her first name, she is a publicist’s wet dream in comparison to others,” Luke growled.

“So why bring up others?”

“Because I am terrified that you’re about to tell me something regarding said others.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Well then, my Christmas was quite pleasurable, though I think I may never be able to look at poultry again and I may need new pants, these seem tight,” Tom chuckled. “Though I doubt this is a friendly call, so what is it?”

“Elle and I were talking.”

“And?” There was apprehension in Luke’s voice.

“About when it is found out that we are together.” Luke remained silent on the phone. “Danielle came up with an idea and I wanted to run it by you.”

“I’m listening.”

“If we find out someone has spotted us and put it online, we immediately release a photo and statement giving the basic details, her name, where’s she from, and some other tidbits that we want to be known, and if it gets as long as we can, we want to release the information ourselves a few weeks before a wedding or something so the hubbub will die down beforehand.”

“That is brilliant.” Luke was chuckling.

“So you like it?”

“I do, I think it is genius.”

“She wanted to have some control in it, she knows they will snoop regardless, but it gives her some power.”

“It makes sense.” Luke acknowledged. “I am not going to lie, Tom, people are going to go for her no matter how this comes out, some good, plenty bad, but if she remains stoic in public, if they don’t smell blood, they tend to get bored very quickly.”

“She’s nodding here next to me, she knows.”

“Well then, I suggest getting together what you want as the official line and we will keep it ready.” Luke’s smile was blatant down the phone. “This is, without a doubt, far saner Tom, honestly. She...I think she is what you’ve been so sure you could not find, so don’t be an idiot and look after this, right?”

“Okay, I hear you.” Tom grinned.

“There is one thing I am concerned for, though, her home, is it safe? I mean is it properly secured, has she a high wall and gates on it?”

Tom thought it an odd question. “She has a basic wall, about five foot or so at the front and no gate.”

“She’s going to have to get it more secured, they are not supposed to enter her property, but let’s face it, Pap’s are bottom feeders,” Luke explained.

Tom looked to the side where Elle was chewing on her bottom lip apprehensively. “Okay, we’ll get on that.” He informed Luke. “But for the time being, she is going to be in London with me, she wants to study more and her work is based in London studio’s for the new few months.”

“Well, all things considered, that is actually safer for her, but it heightens the risk of you being seen together.”

“Hence the phone call.”

“So long as you are both aware this could erupt at any time and as long as you are both prepared for that, then send on everything you wish to be publicised and I will have it ready to go at the first sign of a story,” Luke instructed.

“Will do, thanks, Luke.”

“Anytime, I also am going to need Ms Hughes’ phone number, and give her mine, if she has any issue…”

“Of course, right away.” Tom agreed.

“Then enjoy your holidays and I will see you on New Years?”

“I said I would be there.”

“And Ms Hughes?”

“Her name is Danielle, Luke, you are going to have to start calling her by it, and I will extend the invitation, should she wish to go.”

“Good, well, have a nice day Tom.”

“You too.” Tom smiled as he hung up the phone. “Luke is having a get together for clients and friends on New Years, I promised weeks ago I would go if you’d rather stay home…”

“Where is it on?”

“Private venue, no outsiders, no photographers, underground carpark so little risk of them.”

Danielle thought for a moment before walking over to her wardrobe and looking at its contents. “I think I don’t have anything for something like that,” she frowned.

Tom walked over, and as Emma had said, right at the back were a few outfits he had never thought Danielle would wear, much less own. “Darling, I know I am sounding pushy, but I am imploring you, please,” He got on his knees as though adding dramatic effect, “Please wear this to the party.” He pointed to a dress that still had tags on it.

“Oh, Jesus, that thing.” she groaned looking at it. “I have no idea what was going through my mind buying that, I could never…”

“Darling, I am begging you, you will look ravishing in it.” His eyes glinted with honesty and arousal.

Danielle looked between him and the dress anxiously. “Okay.”

Tom rose to his feet again, an elated smile on his face. “I mean it, Elle, you will look even more gorgeous than normal, which, in itself, is a difficult feat.” He grinned. “It is classy and sexy.”

“My boobs are going to be showing.”

“Showing, but not hanging out,” Tom pointed out, before grinning wickedly. “And you already know my thoughts of these delicious assets of yours.” He cupped her breasts and bit his lip.

“Insatiable.”

“That’s Mister Insatiable to you, my love.”

#I Hate You I Love You #chapter 60 #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic

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decandantfics · 6 years ago

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Just the Two of Us - Part 1

Two, But One: Alone

"Oh, Al, you look stunning, pet." Ali Astall Donnelly glided into the room in a shimmering, floor length gown that made her husband's eyes roam her curves appreciatively before stepping forward and kissing her soundly on her lips. "Not so bad yourself, love – you look very handsome," Ali rejoined as she moved to stand in front of their bedroom mirror, putting the final touches on her makeup. Catching sight of her husband's reflection, Ali frowned. The smile had gone, and had instead been replaced by a look that could only be described as a cross between misery and an intense dread. "Dec, are you okay, love?" Ali questioned softly, only to immediately mentally slap herself for asking such a stupid question. Of course her husband wasn't okay – they would be leaving for the BAFTAs soon, hence her gown and his tuxedo, and it was normally a fun day out with the potential to end in celebration of hard work paying off.

But this was no normal day, and Ali was worried it wasn't really going to be fun, either. The past two months had taken an immeasurable toll on her husband – his mental health was in shreds, if she was honest, and there was a sense of bone-deep exhaustion weighing down his features most days – and today was going to be a hard one. It was the first awards do Dec had attended without Ant in 5 years, and only the second in their entire career; the last time had been a TRIC awards ceremony when Ant was ill and couldn't make it. That had been an odd enough experience for Dec, even though he had made light of it at the time. If she was honest, Ali was feeling quite trepidatious about how Dec would cope with everything today. Dec's depression had improved slightly since Ant had been released from hospital, but they still only saw each other very infrequently, as Ant was busy moving house and working hard to turn his life around. Ali knew the absence of his best friend from his life was extremely difficult to handle for Dec, who was so dependent on Ant for his own happiness. But Dec had been trying to carry on without Ant, and had more than succeeded in his solo endeavors on the professional front....Perhaps not so much on a personal level. She knew there were times when, no matter how hard she tried, she would never be an adequate substitute for Ant, and she accepted that. The relationship the two men shared was unlike any she had ever seen before, and she doubted she would ever come across a pair as loyal and devoted to each other as they were. So this was a massive step for Dec today, walking the red carpet at the BAFTAs without his beloved partner by his side. Ali knew Dec was extremely grateful to her for accompanying him today – in fact, he had admitted to her that he never would have even considered going if she hadn't wanted to come with him. But he felt obligated to go, since Takeaway and BGT were nominated in the Entertainment Programme category, and he believed he owed it to their teams to be there just in case one of the shows won. Not only that, but he felt a sense of responsibility to represent the Ant and Dec "brand," making sure everyone in the TV industry didn't forget who Ant and Dec were – and if there was one thing Dec was doing everything in his power to ensure, it was that no one forgot who his Ant was. So even though she knew Dec didn't actually want to go, here they were, getting ready to attend the 2018 BAFTAs.

Dec had looked down at the floor, studying his feet intently, as soon as Ali questioned his wellbeing. The truth was, he wasn't okay – was so far from being okay he couldn't even remember what being okay felt like anymore – but he knew he had to do this, he couldn't let the side down. After a brief battle with his conscience, Dec decided the only way to get through today was to lie, so he pasted a bright, fake smile on his face and answered he was fine, just thinking about things. He supposed distraction techniques might work to get Ali off his back – he knew she meant well, and he appreciated her concern, but sometimes she just made things worse – so complimented her dress again before placing a gentle kiss on the rounded bump of her abdomen where their child was growing. "Still can't believe I'm going to be a dad," he murmured, taking Ali's hand in his own as they heard the honk of a car horn outside, indicating their ride had arrived. Helping Ali down their front steps and into the car, Dec sighed resignedly as he climbed in beside her. This was going to be a long day.

The drive had been spent in silence, Dec staring vacantly out the window while fidgeting almost constantly, unable to keep still as the apprehension over what he would face today got the better of him. Ali had given up on trying to get his attention after the first 15 minutes, and had captured one of his restless hands in her own – trying to provide some small form of comfort – resigning herself to scrolling through her Facebook feed on her phone before quickly getting bored of that and answering some work emails instead. But now they had arrived at the red carpet, and Dec was wearing a slightly panicky expression as he smoothed down his tux and got ready to exit their vehicle. "Dec, I'm right here, love, look at me," Ali's soothing voice broke through the protective barriers Dec was frantically building around himself, making him turn and notice his wife again for the first time since they left their house. Ali smiled sadly at him as his eyes found hers and a frightened croak left his mouth, "What if we actually win something? What do I do?"

"Love, we already talked about this, remember? You can't not go on stage with the team, but just stay at the back – you don't have to do the speech if you don't want to." Awkwardly sliding across the seat towards her husband, Ali gave him a hug and pressed a kiss to his temple. "Go on, then, get out – I didn't glam myself up just to sit in the back of a car all afternoon!" Ali teased gently, giving Dec one last reassuring squeeze before nudging him towards the door. Taking a deep breath, Dec pulled himself together and tugged the door handle. As it slid open automatically, Dec forced a smile onto his face before holding out a hand to Ali to help her exit safely with dignity intact – he had never understood how she could walk with those mile-long stiletto heels on, and now with being pregnant, it was rather trickier for her to get around in them. Ali molded herself to Dec's side, clutching his hand tightly, as they sidled through the crowd together, following Ant and Dec's PR manager, Simon Jones, to the area swarming with photographers and reporters. She could feel the tremble in Dec's palm pressed against hers, the tension increasing in his body with each step closer towards what looked like his worst nightmare in his current state. They quickly decided Dec would get the solo photos out of the way first, so he stepped up in front of the photo backdrops bravely, face wearing his best fake smile, as questions were shouted at him from all sides.

"Where's Ant?"

"Isn't Ant with you?"

"No Ant today?"

The repeated questions were like stabs in Dec's heart and mind, but he clung desperately to that fake smile – just keep smiling, he reminded himself, as the walls closed in on him – trying for a cheery, "Just me!" It sounded rather choked, but he thought he'd pulled it off quite nicely. The nonchalant approach, that's what he'd try for. Just keep pretending everything was fine, and maybe it would be.

Who was he kidding? As the sea of cameras flashed, shouts ringing out from every direction as photographers tried to catch his attention, Dec could feel his smile slipping slightly, the emptiness inside him caused by the draught down his right side slowly swallowing him whole. Thankfully, Simon Jones was a good friend as well as a valued member of their team, and noticed things were all getting a bit much for Dec. Calling an end to the solo session, he motioned for Dec to come get Ali, knowing it would help to have someone standing alongside him, even if it wasn't the person he was obviously missing. Feeling the tension in his chest lessen a tiny bit, Dec accidentally let his mask slip for a moment as he moved back into his previous spot, this time with Ali by his side. Ali gave his hand a light squeeze, reminding him to lift his gaze from the ground and face the cameras, as the flashes and shouts began yet again. Finally, the photographers had had their fill, and a relieved Dec and Ali were allowed to move along, gradually making their way towards the venue.

This was the longest day ever, Dec thought to himself, seated on his wife's right as endless awards were handed out in celebration of the great and good of British television. According to the program, there were only two more awards to go before the Entertainment Programme was up. Nervous tension was yet again beginning to build, as his stomach did flips and his mouth went dry. It was bizarre, but he found himself hoping that neither of their shows won. If they didn't win, he could just keep sitting here, he reasoned with himself – and that meant no going up on stage where everyone could stare at him, watch his every move. But of course he felt guilty for thinking that – their teams worked incredibly hard and were more than deserving of a BAFTA accolade. Self-preservation instincts trumped the need for their teams to gain well-deserved recognition, however, and Dec could feel himself slumping down into his seat, the need to disappear from the room slowly suffocating him.

It had been one heck of a stressful day so far – trying to mingle with his peers had been hard work for Dec. For the most part, people were being lovely to him, but very few of them seemed to know how to act around him, as if afraid to say the wrong thing. Thank heavens for the baby on the way – that was the only reliable topic of conversation everyone could turn to, and that was basically all Dec had talked about the entire afternoon. And make no mistake about it, it was a topic Dec greatly enjoyed – it was his baby, after all – but an entire afternoon of answering the same repetitive questions over and over and over again was rather maddening. Both he and Ali had been more than relieved when it was finally time for the awards ceremony to begin – Dec because he was emotionally exhausted from having to act cheerful for so long, and Ali because her back ached and she really wanted to sit down. But now came the really hard part....Oh, Dec just wanted to slink under his seat and crawl unnoticed out of the room. He really didn't want to be here.

"The BAFTA for Entertainment Programme goes to...." Oh, please, please, please let it be one of the other two shows, not ours, Dec pleaded internally, his heart going into overdrive.

"...Britain's Got Talent!"

His heart sinking like an anchor dropped in the sea, Dec pasted what he hoped looked like an excited grin on his face as he forced himself to stand up with the rest of the cast and crew. Ali gave him an encouraging smile, and then he turned to the adjacent row of seats where Alesha Dixon, Amanda Holden, and the production team were seated. Alesha shot him a sympathetic look before hugging him tight. Dec turned around to wave at the SNT team, who looked a bit disappointed but grinned back anyway, before Dec found himself face to face with their lovely executive producer, Amelia Brown. After sharing a warm embrace, Amelia and the rest of the team started to head onto the stage, while Dec found himself still standing in the aisle awkwardly as everyone else filed past. Oh, goodness, what do I do now? Dec was frozen in limbo, paralyzed by his emotions. He was shaken from his torpor by one of the male members of the team pulling him in for a quick hug before motioning for him to go up the stairs. Even though his mind was screaming at him to run away, Dec forced his unwilling feet up onto the stage. However, after greeting the award presenters, Clare Balding and Mo Farah, Dec didn't know what to do with himself. He was lost, drifting in a sea of loneliness and pain. Memory after memory of being up on this stage with Ant flooded his mind, bringing a lump to his throat and a tightness to his chest that made it difficult to breathe.

Hide. That's what he needed to do. He couldn't let other people see him like this. Stepping behind the other taller members of the team – Dec had never been so thankful for being short – he tried to blend in, hoping no one would notice.

No such luck. Within 30 seconds, Amanda turned to giggle at him, finding it quite funny that he was hiding away, resulting in one of the men in front of him realizing Dec was obscured from view. The man stepped aside, leaving Dec exposed front and center, despite his desperate plea through the gritted teeth of a fake smile for continued cover – explaining that this would be televised and he really didn't want to be visible.

Oh, good. Amelia had finished her speech already – surely that meant they could leave the stage? Groaning internally, Dec watched in silent horror as the most senior member of the team stepped up to the podium and began a long, rambling speech. With nowhere to hide from the hundreds of pairs of eyes and several video cameras, Dec felt extremely vulnerable as emotions threatened to overwhelm him again. A member of the team who was close to the boys was now standing next to Dec, and began talking to him in hushed tones. Dec tried to pay attention to what he was saying, but found it difficult to focus, the pain in his chest sharpening as the acceptance speeches he and Ant had given on this very stage rang through his ears. The echo of Ant's voice in his mind and the feel of Ant's arm going around his shoulders in a side hug swamped his senses. Tears springing to his eyes, Dec's tongue poked out of his mouth unconsciously as he repeatedly licked his lips and worried at his lower lip with his teeth. He had to keep it together, he couldn't just lose it on stage like this. That's when he saw it: one of the cameras was focused on the group on stage, rather than on the man currently speaking. Turning to the friend beside him, Dec muttered a slightly annoyed, "Told you," while nodding towards the camera.

'Seriously, just wrap it up, man!' Dec's mind shouted at the man at the podium. He was desperate to get off stage, away from the prying eyes of everyone – it felt like everyone was staring at him, studying him, pitying him, and he just couldn't take it anymore. FINALLY! The man behind the podium signed off on his interminable speech, and the team began moving off stage, Dec hurrying alongside on rubbery legs.

Now came the photocall and the press room. Dec had discussed this with both nominated teams beforehand in case they happened to win the award, and had reluctantly agreed to attend the photocall, but vehemently refused to have anything to do with the press room interviews. He knew what every single question would be about, and there was absolutely no way he would ever be able to get through that without breaking down completely. Steeling himself, Dec plastered a grin onto his face as he formed a line with the rest of the team. Multitudinous photos and a few forced laughs later, Dec was finally set free from what he had privately deemed the official BAFTA torture chamber, and quickly vanished as the rest of the team headed over to the press room.

Rather than making his way back to Ali, who was still seated in the audience, Dec walked swiftly towards the men's room. He needed a few minutes of solitude, needed to pull himself together in order to get through the rest of the night. Relieved to have been able to sneak in without running into anyone he knew, Dec slunk into one of the empty stalls and locked the door securely behind him. Leaning back against the door, Dec let out a deep sigh. What had it come to, eh? Hiding in the restroom because he couldn't control his emotions. "Why, Ant, why?" Dec whispered despairingly, tears coming unbidden to his eyes and spilling over his lashes. Faster and faster they came, until Dec found himself shaking uncontrollably as he tried – and failed – to stem the flow of emotions. It just felt so wrong to be here without Ant, everything was wrong, nothing was right anymore, he just couldn't....

"Dec, is that you?" A concerned voice drifted through the room, dimly reaching Dec's ears over the harsh, rhythmic rattling of the restroom fans....Wait a minute, those weren't fans...that was his own ragged breathing. Dec tried to pull himself together, berating himself for having lost control in a public place where anyone could hear him. 'That could be a reporter out there,' Dec's frenzied mind chanted as he hurriedly grabbed a couple of pieces of toilet tissue and tried to clean up his face, his movements stilling as the voice rang out again, "Dec? I know that's you in there. Are you okay?" He knew that voice, it was someone he knew very well...Oh, Saul! As he finally recognized the voice to be that of Saul Fearnley, a producer on Saturday Night Takeaway and a good friend to both him and Ant, Dec relaxed. Saul was someone he knew he could trust, who wouldn't sell the story to the press or tease him about crying in the toilet. Saul was someone who would understand. Shakily unlocking the door, Dec peeked out, making sure the coast was clear before emerging from the stall. Saul wordlessly pulled him into a secure hug, and that nearly set Dec off again. "Ali was getting worried about you, mate, and obviously it's the gent's – she can't just come walking in here – so she sent me to check for you," Saul explained, watching Dec as he went over to the sink and tried to wash away the evidence of his tears.

"Was I gone that long?" Dec asked tremulously, voice wobbly and a bit croaky from all his crying. He had no idea how long he had been in that stall; it didn't feel that long, but if Ali had been getting worried, it must have been long enough. "Well, the BGT gang were in the press room for 10 minutes, and they got back about 20 minutes ago, so...." Saul's kind voice trailed off, unwilling to point out the obvious that Dec had – apparently – been crying in the gent's for over half an hour. Saul felt his heart clench in pity for the man in front of him, as Dec – having cleaned up his face as best he could – met his gaze with tortured, pain-filled eyes. "I just miss him so much, Saul," Dec whispered, tears glistening in his eyes, before brushing past the producer and exiting the room. Biting his lip as a lump formed in his own throat, Saul shook his head sadly, and followed Dec back to the crowded Royal Festival Hall auditorium.

Dec just sort of zoned out for the rest of the awards ceremony, clapping when Ali clapped, and forcing a smile when she smiled. He wanted nothing more than to just go home when the last award had been presented, but no, he had to go to the after party. The only way he was going to get through this was to drink – not a shameful amount, he knew better than to do that after what happened with Ant, but enough to make him not care about everyone's curious stares and the way some hushed conversations suddenly stopped whenever he got close to the people having them. Yes, he was going to get drunk. He knew Ali would look after him, make sure he stopped when he'd had enough. He just hoped the alcohol would help to numb the pain, stop him feeling a draft down his right side. He doubted it would, but it was worth a try anyway.

Needless to say, Ali had her hands full with Dec that night, managing to keep him from drinking too much – he was just a bit more than tipsy, really – and eventually convincing him to leave with the excuse that she was exhausted (she'd managed to keep her heels on all night – she was proud of herself!) and needed to go home and rest. Surprisingly enough, he had agreed readily, and nearly pulled her out the door in his haste to get to their car. She'd gotten the feeling he wasn't actually enjoying himself – was maybe just drinking in order to cope with having to socialize with his peers – but hadn't realized just how much he didn't want to be there. The car ride home was mostly silent, husband and wife lost in their own thoughts as Dec leaned into his wife's side, their hands intertwined. Not much was said once they reached home, either, each quietly changing into their nightclothes before turning in for the night (or early morning, as it was now). Thus, Ali was surprised when, after they shared a goodnight kiss, Dec's raw voice cut through the hush, "I'm sorry I disappeared on you, Al, it just all got on top of me. I had to get away for a bit. I didn't mean to worry you." Ali reopened her eyes to see Dec only a few inches from her face, eyes brimming with tears. "I know, love, I know," Ali reassured, unsurprised when she suddenly found herself with an armful of crying husband, his silent tears wetting her nightie. After a while, Dec cried himself to sleep, with Ali soon following him, but not until after she had shed a few tears herself over her husband's abject misery. Would things ever get better?

#ant and dec #ant mcpartlin #declan donnelly #ali astall #baftas #fiction #decandantfics

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lookatthedawn · 7 years ago

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“Home, Home Again,

I like to be here when I can...”*

It's bittersweet to come home because I feel like a great adventure has come to an end. But perhaps it's not so. Perhaps a greater adventure is to live life with dignity, courage, and authenticity. Many issues expect me at home, from a personal level to total national chaos. There's much work to be done. After an uneventful flight, I land on JFK. The immigration officer peruses my passport and says, with a smile, "you're a world traveler!" "Not exactly, not yet," I answer, humbled by the thought of my friend Anush, who really is a globetrotter. Through the app Find Friends my son JeanLuc finds me waiting for my luggage. He has grown in my absence, his beard has thickened and he looks more mature overall. I hug him, smell his scent, listen to his heartbeat -- resting my cheek on the best place of the Puniverse, as I used to say when he was tiny. We meet my daughter Katrina in the car, and she's driving and that's good, because she's not into hugging. She does make an exception for birthday and Christmas, though, sweet thing that she is. In the car, we share stories of the last two months, but not much, since I don't want to repeat everything I want to say when we're finally all together. After three hours or so I'm home, seeing the rest of the family, which includes four new pets! It's when I hug my oldest son Marcelo, though, that I break down and start to cry because I'm so happy to be home and I've missed them all so much! Knowing his mother as he does, he has a surprise for me, which is a huge map on the wall, where we have fun placing color-coordinated thumbtacks on the places we've been. During my time away I didn't allow myself to be homesick, because that would only take away from my experience abroad, but being around them all is like heaven -- or maybe heaven is just another word for home. Key Takeaways: 1) An internship reveals as much about ourselves as the path we're contemplating taking. Sometimes a job is more glamorous from a distance than in the thick of it. Interning at the company of one's choice allows for an inside look at the day-to-day business. What did I learn at The Gioi? I learned that editing is hard, not only for me but for everyone. It takes work, and it's not always fun, but if making a messy paragraph shine appeals to you, then the time sitting and staring at a computer screen is worth it. However, -- and here's the takeaway -- now I know that I can do it. I can write and I can edit. Maybe that's not as surprising to anyone as it is to myself. I don't like to write all the time, and I don't like to edit always, but the work satisfies in me a deep need for connection and self-expression. I could say that I write to understand, and I edit to be understood. Or something like it. Working at The Gioi showed me that the final product on a magazine shines because of hours of intense, laborious and boring work the staff is willing to put into a piece. Editing is work done both alone and in collaboration with a team. I worked alone at my desk, but I was just one of the many hands those texts passed through before becoming ready for print. Although separated, we had the same goal; make a text as good as possible. 2) The pros of living alone. I think everyone should live alone at least once in their lifetime. If not completely alone, with busy roommates. I did not live alone before getting married and starting a family of my own. I wish I had. By living alone you learn to become self-reliant. If you fail, you deal with the consequences, and the next day you do better. If you leave your bed unmade or a carton of milk outside the fridge, when you come home it's there, just the way you left it, or, in the case of milk, spoiled as a consequence of your negligence. No judgment from anyone, but no helping hand either, so it functions like a straight look in the mirror when we contemplate ourselves and all our shortcomings. Being so, living alone teaches humility, self-reliance, and confidence.

Another great thing about living alone is that you have a better chance of following your plans without being derailed. If you decide to sleep instead of reading or watch a movie instead of sleeping, that's up to you, and if you regret your choice the next day, that's also your problem, and you know you can't peg it on anyone around. A subtler aspect of living alone is that you learn to manage your emotions, as there aren't people around to distract you from your feelings. Nobody makes you mad, for example, you get mad all by yourself, with thoughts you choose to have. That, I believe, is always the case, but when you're alone that becomes undeniably clear. You must rely on yourself as a source of wisdom, comfort, inspiration, entertainment and anything else you need. 3) Perspective. We have to leave sometimes. Leave a relationship, leave a house, leave a job, a country... in other to see it better. If by diving into something we take a closer look, by moving away from a situation, we see it in an entirely different angle. While in Southeast Asia, I didn't hear about Trump's latest tweets. It wasn't news, it just didn't matter for them what the POTUS said, did, or said he did or didn't do. It was so refreshing! I also learned that most people in that part of the world are not as scared of North Korea as they are of the United States. Well, considering our mutual history, can we really blame them? This same bird's-eye view I can apply to enlighten aspects of my personal life. 4) Traveling is an art, and, as with watercolor, writing or pottery, the more you practice the better you get at it. There are many kinds of travelers, and internship, work, or studying abroad have its own implications, but overall, leaving home reveals your identity as a traveler. What places are you attracted to, what do you want to see, what do you want to do? Do you travel to escape, to rest, or to learn? Do you find a cozy place and make yourself comfortable as you watch the natives from a peephole? Or do you mix with the locals, learn a new language and try new things? I admire the latter, but I'm not an extrovert, so I don't throw myself into a new situation. I also don't hide from the wonderful opportunity to see new things, meet new people, eat different foods and do different things. Whenever I travel, though, I realize that I need to do so more often. Since traveling, by definition, is a state of transition, I want to learn to move more gracefully from one point on the planet to another. That's the art in it, the dance in the storm, so to speak. And as in every art, if you do just what you plan, what's the art in that? More important than following through some preconceived idea, is to be present in the moment. 5) So, there's the saying that "if you cut too many corners, you end up going in circles". Another reminder says that when you cut a corner, you end up with two more. In Brazil, we say that, by trying to avoid taking one step, we take two. That relates to my attempts at cutting costs. No matter how much one plans, when traveling there are always spur-of-the-moment decisions -- or there should be if you're living in the moment -- and cutting costs is an important practice if you're on a budget, but not every dime saved makes sense. Sometimes it's okay to take a cab, even when there are buses available. Sometimes it's okay to go to a restaurant, even when you can cook at home or get an inexpensive meal on the street.

6) Skin Shedding. Closely related to this new perspective, is the shedding of skin, the throwing out -- or letting go -- of what is no longer working for you. I got sunburnt in Phu Quoc Island, which led to probably the worst itch I ever had and later, to skin shedding. Although the process was far from pleasant, it symbolized a very special time in my life, when I'm letting go of much that I thought was part of my identity. I'm renewing myself. The process is both painful and beautiful. You cry for the skin to which you were once so attached which now brings you more discomfort than anything else. So you let it go. Then one day you look at your shoulder and see that the new skin is clear, healthy, and beautiful. You've been born again! 7) Completely different, but just as good. By the time you travel alone, be it for an internship, to study abroad or any other reason, you're probably over the age of eighteen and might have developed a philosophy of your own. But as you immerse yourself in another culture you realize that other people do things differently, sometimes exactly the opposite of what you think is right. That's a great opportunity to develop some humility. Yes, your philosophy is great, but mostly for yourself. If people in a different part of the world do things differently it's either because it's the only viable way in that environment or because it's working for them. And here's the takeaway: study different angles of your own idea. Learn, expand your views, enlarge thine soul. 8) Think Abundance. I have spoken extensively about it while talking about what I call scarcity mentality. This experience was a great way to immerse myself in a culture that prides itself on making do with less. It is a fact that in the United States there is too much waste, and better management of resources is something that we must learn, but sometimes that scarcity mentality can become a way of life, part of the culture and it stops making sense. To think abundantly is to understand that resources are always available, but if you go to the ocean with a spoon, that's how much water you'll get. Saving is good and must be encouraged, but shouldn't be the modus operandi. A better goal, in my opinion, is to do the best you can with what you have. 9) Order and Progress. It's pretty clear that basic organization leads to better planning and better execution. Traveling through Southeast Asia constantly reminded me of that. Some schools teach this but it must be reinforced by the culture, with social expectations and policies in public places. Brazil, for example, dwells in chaos. The culture deals with that aspect of its people, reinforcing it with cliches like "o jeitinho brasileiro", (the Brazilian way), which allows for creative loopholes in every sphere of society. Other cultures, such as the Japanese and Chinese, pride themselves in cleanliness and order. Good fruits come from such values. And that's what this trip reminded me to do; better observe organization in my own life. 10) I've always believed that people should leave their country of origin and live in another place for at least a year. This experience only reinforced that belief. I can't think of anything else -- except, maybe, parenting -- that changes one's perspective as much as immersing into another culture. Everything you know and take for granted, like the language spoken around you, the food, the currency, social values, all that changes but you, at first, remain the same. It's like taking a piece from one puzzle and mixing it up with pieces from another puzzle. At first, there's no place for that piece in that society and you feel extra and useless. Little by little you learn to assess your surroundings and learn new things. Learning happens when we modify ourselves. Without change, there is no learning. And this learning reshapes you, so soon you find that you do fit into that society. People count on your presence, on your input, and on your contribution. You don't stop being who you are, you just enlarge your worldview to accommodate new perspectives.

"It's all worth it if the soul is not small", wrote Portuguese poet Fernando Pessoa. However, the soul, like the body, needs food for growth. Traveling, reading, experiencing life in all its colors, shapes, and sounds, broaden our existence and deepen our understanding and therefore must be highly encouraged. I'm proud of Mount Holyoke College -- and immensely thankful -- for the college's efforts to provide students with experiences of this kind.

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the-writer-muse · 4 years ago

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My take on controversy

Introduction

Do not send hate or harassment to any of the other creators who have made posts like these or to anyone involved in this issue. That makes everything worse.

Remember that this entire post is my opinion. You can disagree with it, but I do not tolerate hate and disrespect in my comments. I will delete it. I want this post to be a safe place for discussion, but I don’t want people to blatantly insult and demean others just to make a point.

I’m going to preface this post by saying I think this entire drama is ridiculous and harmful. Read on to see why.

Originality

One of the things I’ve seen pointed out most often is that people often take inspiration from each other to the point that “we are all the same.” I would like to twist this and say that this is precisely why our community is so endearing. (Note: I am not including copiers in this. Copying other people is not the same as inspiration.)

Yes, a lot of people post Twitter themes. Yes, a lot of people have Tumblr posts. Yes, a lot of people utilize the tip/textpost format. All of this and more is true. But instead of seeing it as repetitive, I see it as a cycle of inspiration and creativity. No one person uses their post-making strategies like you. Nobody words their posts quite like you do.

The things that make us the same are the things that make us different.

And I, for one, think that’s beautiful.

Content

Perhaps the biggest controversial statement I’ve seen so far is that posting writing tips is “basic.” I agree with this to an extent; people frequently post similar tips and ideas. But everyone always has something to add from their own unique perspective. The bones of writing advice may remain the same, but its appearance depends on who gives it.

The word “basic” has been thrown around a lot. "Basic” has the demeaning connotation of you not being good enough. But people pour their passion into what they post. The content you’re calling “basic” is what people want to do and what they like to do. Don’t shame them for that.

Basic is not bad. If you are “basic,” then yes, there are absolutely others like you in the writing community. But that does not mean you are worth any less. Likewise, you’re not “special” for posting different types of content. People are different and they post different things. Don't shame people because they don't align with your standards. We are all creators. There is no such thing as being inferior or superior to someone else.

Maybe you don’t want to see writing tips all the time. That’s fine! There are accounts out there that don’t post only writing content. Just don’t pressure others to change what they post because you’re tired of it. In the same vein, you can absolutely encourage people to post their unpopular opinions. However, you risk implying that people who don’t are “boring,” or, again, “basic.”

Controversy

I am not a person who likes controversy. In fact, I usually avoid it at all costs because it usually creates chaos and disharmony. Case in point.

Remember that there’s a difference between being blunt and being harmful, even unintentionally. What you can tolerate may be a lot different from what others can tolerate, and what you read as critical may read as demeaning to someone else. Understand that not everyone thinks the same way.

I absolutely encourage you to post unpopular opinions. I want you to speak up for what you want to say. I want you to express yourself. I want you to do what makes you comfortable. I want you to be able to do all of these, but not at the cost of someone else’s freedom and comfort.

I agree that you shouldn’t have to tiptoe around on eggshells when you share your unpopular opinions. The point of unpopular opinions is to provoke discussion, not to prevent it. Yet this entire drama is making people go silent because they are afraid that they are not good enough, or that they are doing something wrong. Check yourself continuously to make sure that you don’t come across as implying that someone is “wrong” or on the “wrong side” for not agreeing with you.

I’ve seen people say that the original posters of these controversial opinions are telling "the truth.” However, there is no such thing as “the truth,” which is a generic blanket statement that fails to consider nuances. There are many different, smaller truths, and all of them often contradict each other. Just take a look at this post.

Takeaway

This entire controversy is creating too much toxicity. People are being hurt. People are losing motivation. People are thinking they aren't a real writer/creator or that they're not good enough. Every single one of you, no matter what you believe, deserves to feel worthy and wanted, and you are.

The writing community is meant to be a safe place to do what you love. I want it to remain safe. I want it to stay supportive. And most of all, I want it to understand.

In case no one has told you today: People enjoy seeing what you post and what you create. People appreciate your presence. People love what you do. Do not believe anyone who says or implies otherwise.

Post what you want to post and consume the content you want to see. Do what you are comfortable with, and do what you can to make others comfortable.

This shouldn’t be so hard to understand.

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tomcurry22 · 4 years ago

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The Roles and Responsibilities of an Academic Subject Matter Experts

In the era of digitization, most organizations prefer outsourcing their tasks to SMEs from the subject matter expert companies. This blog mainly elaborates on the roles and responsibilities of an academic subject matter expert. However, the responsibilities might differ from one another depending upon the nature of the work. Yet, the below-mentioned ones are the fundamental ones. Go through this entire blog to know about the roles and responsibilities that your SME would have to fulfill in order to deliver your tasks.

1. Essential Source Of Knowledge

Perhaps the most vital Subject Matter Specialist’s duties are to fill in as the primary source of information and knowledge. They're the ones everybody in the group goes to for explanation and insider ability. Especially for fast eLearning development projects that include insignificant timetables and staff individuals. All things considered, you ought to characterize assumptions ahead of time to keep away from an unpleasant responsibility. For example, more elaborate points may call for more than one SME. Or on the other hand, possibly you're managing a preparation territory that includes your specialty and undertakings that fall outside your domain.

2. Characterize Key Takeaways

A quintessential capacity of the Subject Matter Expert is to distinguish data students need to know versus incidental information. You should have the option to characterize the vital takeaways to prevent psychological over-burden and make yourself clear. That way, associations accomplish the ideal results and students get a firm comprehension of the topic as opposed to causing staff members to persevere through 60 minutes length course that makes a lot of progress and bores them to tears.

3. Reconsider L&D Objectives

A domain Subject Matter Expert additionally explains as well as makes target statements. For instance, representatives should comprehend these 5 thoughts or build up these essential abilities before the finish of the course. Perhaps the internet learning goals presently don't line up with the association's work practices. Or then again staff members require extra skills or abilities to satisfy their work obligations.

4. Track down The Ideal Delivery Method

I've effectively addressed this momentarily, yet it warrants a profound plunge. Delivery strategies allude to the vehicle for all the data you need students to assimilate, from reenactments and spreading situations to modules that cover explicit undertakings. You ought to likewise remember ID and psychological standards to work with knowledge transfer. Basically, how would you convey the information with the goal that it establishes a long-term connection? Numerous organizations hire SMEs not really to make this content yet to track down the best methodology.

5. Work together With Instructional Designers

Most SMEs need to work with different individuals from the eLearning team, regardless of whether it's in a supporting and counseling limit. Specifically, Instructional Designers create significant internet learning experiences utilizing ID models and theories. You'll regularly work intimately with these experts to gather the data and package it up just as modify existing content dependent on the emerging gap.

6. Give and Receive Feedback

This is a significant job prerequisite for every single subject matter expert. You need to offer input to improve the nature of the content and fill in the holes. In any case, you should likewise be set up to get input from customers and online students. For example, you may need to amend the takeaways or theme scope if customers need to focus on certain problem areas.

#subject matter expert #sme expert #subject matter expert companies #subject matter specialists #domain subject matter expert

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mei-be · 4 years ago

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I decided that this year, I will make a resolution. This in itself is a bit revolutionary, because I’ve always been the anti-traditionalist, anti-precedent, just anti-. This year is different, because it started off in a fever pitch, whined to a rotten crescendo, and now is whimpering to a close. At the literal beginning of this year, my mental and physical health had taken a major shit in the proverbial bed. I started the New Year terrified, and sick with worry. I had been hospitalized against my will, in a psych ward, and found myself creeping through a very real life version of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. I had a delusional roommate, haunted by The Man, who watched her and hurt her. Hurt her though food, through medicine, invaded her life, drained her bank accounts, made it so she couldn’t sleep. Now that I was her roommate, he was watching me too, and I couldn’t close any doors, take a shower, or shut my eyes. There was the drooling, heavy lidded non-verbal man, who shuffled through the hallways attached to an IV, and had one hand permanently lifted and dangling. There was the angry kid, who yelled obscenities, and complained about the bullshit, his medication, how he was treated, only to periodically break down in tears and screaming, and had to go into the Quiet Room. The Quiet Room was a very small space, complete with bed decked out in restraints. The only thing missing was the padded walls and the straight jacket. But that would be undignified. A nurse stood behind a little window, distributing drugs at specific times. I asked her why she broke the pills out of the blister pack, into a paper cup, and tipped the paper cup into my waiting hand. Why not just break the pills from the blister pack into my hand. It’s the same amount of touching by the both of us, and then they could reduce that additional waste and cost. My mind works like that. She didn’t know, that’s how they did it.

That week felt like a month, just like this year felt like a new lifetime. Since then, I’ve been going to therapy, seeing doctors, paying attention to my diet, getting regular sleep, and working on the rats nest that is my brain. It’s what you do, and it’s all good and healthy and mindful, and positive. But what I’ve been really struggling with, is the anxiety. My anxiety rips through me like a cancer. It denatures and decays every day, no matter when it arises. All the good I ever did is wiped away, and I’m left with grime and ash. It used to stay in my head, but now it’s ventured out mycelium-esque threads into my body. It makes me weak, it takes the ground out from under me, my heart machine over heats, my fulel expels and lays wasted, my body-cage aches...

It is what it is.

I am circling the drain. I’ve been here before, I’ve seen this movie, and the ending does no justice. Leitmotifs are small, recurring, characteristic of a composition; so much so that they become the composition. I don’t want to be this ring-cycle, I wont cement this reality through repetition. And so, I’ve decided to wage an attack on this misery. An attack in the form of a Happiness War, to make the goal of happiness as if it were a life or death situation. To furiously, religiously, and zealously seek Happiness with an intensity alike to terror; only matched by the ferocity of the terror inside.

So I make a stand, I screw my courage to the sticking place and screw my fear and stick it to my panic. I choose, I chase, I become a champion of happiness. It is the only choice. I remember a story I once heard. A man was telling his friend about hunting rhino in Africa. It had been a long hunt, and he had finally come to meet his prey. The rhino was a dense, black, death machine of a beast. He fired, but missed. His second shot jammed the rifle. Panicked, he looked around, there was nothing but grass in every direction. No weapon, no tree, no rocks to climb. Just grass, heat, and angry rhino. He could hear the rhino’s approach like thunder, he could very nearly feel the animals hot breath on his neck. Entranced in the tale, his friend asked, “So what did you do?” “I climbed a tree right in the nick of time!” He said. “What tree?”, the friend asked, “You said there was no tree!” “Don’t you see?”, answered the man, “There has to be a tree, there is always a tree, you have to look for it, but that is the point of my story. There is always a tree. Find the tree.”

I take constant support and inspiration from this story. Where there is life, there are more stories. So you do the damn thing until it’s dead, or you are. Never give up, never surrender. There is always another way, even when the rhino is upon you. It is always darkest before the dawn, you just hold on. Find the tree.

Part 1. Gratitude

I did an informal poll, and asked my friends on social media some questions about Happiness. It’s a pretty banal question, and definitely leads to a lot of cliches and derivative content. But even though the question has been asked so many times, to the point of being historical, it still echos in the collective heads of many. So here we go, here we go, here we go again. The way that I research and make decisions is such: I read as much as I can about my subject, and disregard the biases of each individual body of work, even though I know that there are definite biases. Instead, I look for repetition. Despite people’s stance or mediated perceptions, I believe that there are certain, close to absolute truths that will emerge, if given enough experience or exposure. This way of digesting information began when I was grade school aged, and learned about the Free Marketplace Theory. Basically, you give everyone a chance, and the quality items will rise to the top, and prove themselves by their worth. No monopolies, no deceitful practices, no bull. This sounds like a great way to go about scholarly work, but you can imagine me trying to buy sponges, or find recipes, or, most everyday things.

So, one of the threads of commonality that I noticed when asking people about their Happiness, is gratitude. Either as a precursor or an after effect, I see a theme of being happy because of what you have. Interestingly enough, it seems that gratitude is interwoven with a sense of, “It could be worse, but it isn’t”. This strikes me as odd, because it seems that a sense of misery, or acute un-Happiness, is necessary for Happiness to exist. One of my friends wrote this, “Hammocks without spiders. Water when I’m thirsty. Really cold soda on a hot day.” This seems like a simple, light-hearted, cute statement, but look at the profound presence of suffering. To experience the relaxation of a lovely hammock, she apparently had previously experienced a hammock that came with spiders. Good god. That seems like a nightmarish exercise in vulnerability. Yet, it is that horror, that leads her to appreciate each spider-free hammock session, and even more; to list it as one of the top things that make her happy. We run from misery, we avoid it, we do everything we can to keep it at bay. But it’s the other side of happiness. To experience Happiness, apparently you have had to sit in the Shit for a while. I’ve thought about the Shit before, and have come to this similar conclusion. When you are faced with the question of, “Why is this happening to me?” Or the ever-popular, “ Why do bad things happen to good people?”, perhaps the answer is, “So they can learn to be very fucking Happy”.

Two key takeaways here: 1. Caveat- The bad things, the Shit, cannot kill you. If it does, then the conversation is over. Don’t let it kill you, if you can. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Where there is life, there is hope, and more story. For those of us who suffer from suicidal tendencies or ideation, this is a point that needs to be made, for we are the ones in the strange position of being both powerless, and the only one with the power over our lives. 2. The Shit cannot become your life. If the Shit is all you see when you look around, you can never gain perspective. You won’t be able to learn from it if you can’t get some sort of distance. Distance, or progress, is the very mechanism of the story. The shit is your conflict, and conflict is the very catalyst that moves the story, into its rising action and climax. In other, plainer words, that Shit has to move, man. A story that ends before or at its climax is bullshit. It’s an artsy literary move, but for me, that’s just lazy writing. Having your audience choose their own ending saves you from having to write THE ENTIRE REST OF THE STORY. Work that Shit, move through that Shit, don’t let it be everything. That’s just shitty.

2. Progress

A therapy that I’ve just began exploring is ACT, or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. If you’ve ever even dipped a toe into any sort of counseling or self help, chances are, you’ve come across some form of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It’s like the Gold Standard of psychological treatment. It’s based on the idea that your psychological and behavioral issues are based in faulty thinking and or behavior. It’s rooted in repetition, an endless cycle of catching bad thoughts, and turning them into better ones. Often, you literally find the opposite of that negative thought, or look for evidence to support or deny it. You also try to find origins or deeper causes of the negative behavior. The idea is that if you do these exercises long enough, the repetition forms new connections, and new habits. It’s super boring. It works. ACT takes a lot of the same models found in CBT, with one difference. Instead of fighting your negative thoughts, you first accept them. It’s in the name. So, you still go through the rigamorole of identifying your negative thoughts, and trying to find their origins and evidences. However, one deviation that I’ve found really helpful is that there is no way not to choose. By not doing something, you are choosing NOT that thing. Given that you’ve already made a choice, acknowledge that choice. Now that you’ve made a stance, decide the quality of that stance. If you are someone like me, who’s fight, flight, or freeze sympathetic nervous system most often chooses to freeze, and when frozen, reconciles itself into the form of a panic attack, this mode of CHOICE makes a huge difference. Let me lay it out for you in this example:

Conflict: I don’t know what to do with my life, I’m aimless, unmotiviated, torn. It’s too late for me, I can’t do it, I’m not good enough.

Assuming you’ve already gone through your basic reframing thoughts, positive thoughts, SMART goals checklist, you might end with something that looks like this.

I don’t know if getting a Nursing Degree is right for me. It makes sense, and I’ve already put a lot of effort into it, but it’s not what I love. I love foraging, herbalism and dietetics. However, those fields are not sustainable, feasible, or a good fiscal degree. I don’t know what to do.

But today, right now, I am currently not actively pursuing a nursing degree. So, today, I’ve chosen not to pursue a nursing degree.

For some people and some situations, this in and of itself, brings a deep clarity, a relief, and a resolution. But if it doesn’t...

Acknowledge your choice: For the next week, I choose to not pursue a nursing degree. I’m not going to exert energy thinking about it, arguing with myself about it, it is a non issue. I am not pursuing this. What’s left? The foraging, the herbalism, the dietetics. This is your stance.

Now that you’ve made that stance, think about the quality. What kind of herbalist am I going to be? How far am I going to take this? What opportunities can I find?

The idea here is that you’ve redirected the energy you would have spent arguing with yourself, and instead are now pointed toward a more productive path. You may circle back to the original decision, but now, you’ve moved forward in the journey instead of being stuck at the beginning quandary. You’ve expanded.

3. Presence

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yochess · 6 years ago

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2) The Power of Habit

My Introduction: The next book I’ve decided to read was The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. According to Duhigg, the reasons why I have bad habits such as 1) procrastinating, 2) being compulsive, 3) not brushing my teeth as often, 4) consuming weed daily, 5) munching on an unholy amount of chocolate (10+ servings somedays), 6) acting out and resenting my parents for my shortcomings, ... 1000) barely exercising is because I have been programmed by my environment to develop those habits. He is claiming these behaviors (bad habits) can be changed. On one hand, I think a lot of my bad habits are formed due to me potentially having ADD. I basically believe it is easier for me than others to develop bad habits. I think I am by nature an instant gratification monkey. I love to procrastinate and I am also very compulsive. Hell, I fucken turned a compulsive addiction that is all about instant gratification into a fucken career. OTOH Duhigg is claiming bad habits are within my control to change. He did not put genetics into the equation. If I can somehow strategize to minimize bad habits and replace bad habits with good habits, then I will not snowball myself into disaster. Even if I do have ADD, with the right knowledge and resources, I can compensate for what my genetics lack by just putting in the extra effort. I mean everything and everyone is just on a spectrum somewhere right? I just happen to be closer to the tail end (the bad side) when it comes to forming habits. For all I know I don’t even have ADD and I’m just looking for excuses on all my shortcomings. Whatever the case, I believe I have the knowledge and resources to improve this area of my life. I have to fucken work on this. Hell... EVERYONE has areas in their life where they are on the bad side of the curve. It would be insanely stupid on every level for me to say I don’t have to work hard on something just because I was born with some kind of deficit. That is self-entitlement. The world owes me shit. If I can fix it then I SHOULD fix it. It is STUPID and IRRATIONAL for me to lay around doing shit and go around blaming genetics. On November 22, I signed up for a 3-day trial at 24 Hour Fitness. On November 25, I applied for a membership. I’ve walked/ran 2-3+ miles at least 5 times already since the free trial. I haven’t done ANY weed in over 3 weeks after daily consumption since it became legalized in California. I barely ate junk food since. I have been brushing my teeth most mornings and nights. I have been making a conscious effort to connect towards my folks. I mean I’m not even sure what empathy is anymore and if it is just some fuzzy wuzzy buzz word. I’ll eventually read about it. There are still a bunch of unfinished tasks on my TODO list, but I have been making a conscious effort to complete them. Lately I feel hopeful. I am motivated. I am trying. I am no longer blaming my genetics. I am no longer blaming others. I am not going to lie to myself and believe I’m the victim. I am no longer making excuses. I’ll continue to look for ways to find solutions instead of blaming a condition. I’ll stop dwelling in the past. I can only be sorry for what has yet to happen yet. I am human. I know I am hard on myself, but I got to be. Otherwise I will not grow. I also need to forgive myself when I fail. Hehe! =) ——————–————— Summary - Part 1: The Habits of Individuals Chapter 1: The Habit Loop In 1993 Eugene Pauly suffered permanent brain damage. He had significantly impaired memory, but surprised scientists with his ability to learn and perform new behaviors. The scientists learned that his basal ganglia (located in the center of the brain) was left unimpaired. This led to experiments on rats, which confirmed that this part of the brain is responsible for storing habits. Duhigg explains that the formation of a habit, known as the Habit Loop consists of three parts: 1) the cue - anticipation (eg. ringing noise from slot machines, smell of cigarettes, sight and noise of people having fun at a party) 2) the routine - an automatic process that can be physical, mental, or emotional (eg. pulling the slot machine, smoking a cigarette, drinking alcohol) 3) the reward - craving (eg. winning some money, the high off nicotine, having fun at a party) Over time, this loop becomes more and more automatic. Duhigg goes on saying habits are very hard to break, because it is an automatic process. He also says this is why it is hard to create exercise habits or change what we eat, because once we develop a routine such as sitting on the couch (instead of running) or snacking whenever we pass a doughnut box, those patterns will always remain in our head. Below is a quote I find inspirational and full of hope: ”We’ve done experiments where we trained rats to run down a maze until it was a habit, and then we extinguished the habit by changing the placement of the reward. Then one day we’ll put the reward in the old place, and put in the rat, and, by golly, the old habit will reemerge right away. Habits never really disappear. They’re encoded into the structure of our brain, and that’s a huge advantage for us, because it would be awful if we had to relearn how to drive after every vacation. The problem is that your brain can’t tell the difference between bad and good habits, and if you have a bad one, it’s always lurking there, waiting for the right cues and rewards.” - Ann Graybiel, a scientist at MIT who’s done many basal ganglia experiments (pg. 20). Chapter 2: The Craving Brain The reward is the craving we seek before performing the routine. It is what initially drives us to perform the routine. Once this Habit Loop is done enough times, the habit is formed, and we will just perform it automatically from just seeing the cue. Scientists have studied this behavior by examining it on monkeys. They would give Julio the monkey blackberry juice (the reward) every time he touches the lever (the routine). This behavior eventually became habitual to the point where Julio’s brain would anticipate the reward by just seeing the monitor (the cue). Scientists then stopped rewarding Julio blackberry juice and not surprisingly, Julio would still touch the lever every time he sees the screen over and over again (pg. 44-49). Duhigg uses numerous examples on how numerous companies capitalized on this aspect of human behavior during the 20th century (eg. smoking, advertising). P&G marketed Fabreze by telling its audience the product adds a nice smell (the reward) after cleaning (the habit). Shockingly this method saved Fabreze, which can be read about here. Chapter 3: The Golden Rule of Habit Change The Golden Rule of habit change is to change the routine, while keeping the same cue and the same reward. This is obviously easier said than done. Perhaps smokers can replace the high from nicotine with coffee. Perhaps they can just exercise instead. When alcoholics initially drank, the cue is probably seeing others socializing, and the reward is to socialize with them. The routine is of course to drink until blackout drink. Perhaps a better way to perform this habit is to go socialize somewhere that does not involve drinking. One example would be to to join a tennis club. The cue and reward is still the same. It will just take some time for the new and better routine to replace the old one. ——————–————— Summary - Part 2: The Habits of Successful Organizations Chapter 4: Keystone Habits The key takeaway is organizations get their members to have one key habit. This habit in turn spirals and snowballs into other good habits, which in turn increases productivity. He uses numerous examples such as Alcoa with safety. Once safety became a priority, productivity soared. Some keystone habits on an individual level would be exercising and writing. For me, reading makes me feel incredibly good about myself. I am not giving a fuck what others are saying. More examples of keystone habits can be found here and here. ”Once a small win has been accomplished, forces are set in motion that favor another small win. Small wins fuel transformative changes by leveraging tiny advantages into patterns that convince people that bigger achievements are within reach.” - Duhigg (pg. 112). Chapter 5: Starbucks and the Habit of Success Starbucks believes that willpower is a learnable skill. Employees are trained the LATTE system. Chapter 6: The Power of a Crisis There are tons of bad habits and rivalry going on within organizations, which results in less productivity. Numerous examples are given in which a crisis is a catalyst for drastic and positive changes. Chapter 7: How Target Knows What You Want Before You do In the past, big companies used small bag of tricks (tactics) to take advantage of its customers. The issue with these tactics is there was no one size fit all. Target used big data to predict who’s pregnant. Once they succeeded in this, they sent out coupons of baby items to the future mothers. This gives them a huge advantage within its competition, because they understand that once a big change happens in one’s life (such as becoming pregnant), then new habits (shopping at target) would emerge. More can be read about Target here. ——————–————— Summary - Part 3: The Habits of Societies Chapter 8: Saddleback Church and the Montgomery Bus Boycott I skimmed through this chapter, because I found it boring. The Montgomery Bus Boycott succeeded, because it tied people together. Even if one did not want to get involved, they would feel the pressure from their community due to mutual ties. More can be read about here. Rick Warren who created the Saddleback Church believes it is important for its followers to have good habits in faith. More of this stuff can be read about here. Chapter 9: The Neurology of Free Will This chapter is more philosophical and focuses on the philosophy behind the autonomy of bad habits. One guy killed his wife due to night terror. He was unconscious when he performed this act. One woman lost millions and owed the casino money because she could not stop gambling. The guy who murdered his wife was not criminally charged, while the woman who owed the casino money was criminally charged. Both actions were pretty much autonomous. The difference is the guy had no idea what the outcome would be (murder), while the woman was clearly aware (owing money). I think this basically implies society holds us responsible for our bad habits if we are aware of its negative outcome. On the final pages, the author gives a passage written by David Foster Wallace: “There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says ‘Morning, boys. How’s the water?’ And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes ‘What the hell is water?’” Duhigg goes on saying that the water is habits, the unthinking choices and invisible decisions that surround us everyday. I think what this means is to be aware of our habits, the things we are automated to do. ——————–————— Final Thoughts Personally I don’t believe in free will and I think our actions are deterministic. So far I see nothing wrong with this statement. The thing is this thinking that I’m destined to a certain doom has led me to not even attempt to do things. I just say stupid shit like “What’s the point if the probability is low.” I make excuses like “I can’t help it, because that’s just the way I am.” “I’m depressed, I can’t help it.” “I have ADD, I can’t control my impulses.” “I am addicted to marijuana, I can’t help it.” “I love sugar too much, I can’t quit.” “I’m bad at this, I should not try it.” The thing is that does not give me a pass to not even fucken try. Trying to change my course of action does not equate to believing in free will. I should not let what I think is my doom control my life. I’ve learned something very valuable here. I have to believe in what I’m doing no matter what.

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nakedfullmonty-fr · 8 years ago

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i rememebered i wrote this a month ago and never posted it like i intended to, so have some actual albiet vague lore in the form of one of the letters Temahae sends home to her father Kolya, in another clan

The package is a large wooden box, though it has been wrapped carefully with brown paper and string, and has been marked as fragile in several places. It is in great contrast to the accompanying letter, which is written on fine parchment, in an envelope sealed with wax. The letter's handwriting is elegant, but looks forced in places, much like some of the language used; a handwriting that was learnt, rather than a handwriting that forms naturally. It reads:

Dearest Father, I hope this letter finds its way to you and mother, and I hope it finds you well. Regrettably, it’s been some time since I last wrote, and for that I can only apologise. I promise that I haven’t forgotten about you, I could never, but in recent times things in Ogygia have been…un-permitting. As it stands right now, I cannot share details on the recent events that I have borne witness to, but perhaps it is for the best. It seems the more I learn about the world, the less I wish to know. There are things out there that are the stuff of myths and legends and children’s cautionary tales alike, that surely should not exist, and yet they do, as if they simply walked right off the pages of whatever dark grimoire they were written into. I pray you do not encounter them. Nowadays I take the legends of the Wendigo Winters more seriously than ever. I suppose, more importantly, an update on myself is in order. I have stories, of things that have happened and the people I have met, that are far too numerous to fit into a mere letter. Over the years, Ogygia has continued to grow and grow at an astonishing pace, and just recently has found itself established as fully recognised city-state (Can you believe? Niet, a Queen, and myself, an illegitimate Princess!). For the most part it’s a pleasant place to live, although admittedly I mingle with the common clanfolk far less than I should, and dragons from all across Sornieth have found themselves drawn to it. As you, and mother, are still alive and recognised as my parents, I am not accepted as a true heir to Ogygia, but quite frankly I’m fine with that. High titles come with high responsibilities, and I am not afraid to admit that true royal life sounds like a complete bore that only serves to draw me away from my books. I have, however, found one particular duty that I will always gladly partake in. Though infrequent due to the small numbers of Ice dragon in Ogygia, occasionally it falls upon me to read the Preservation Recitations for those who partake in such religions even outside of our Flight boundaries. Even though I have not been to the Icefields since my childhood, it still fills me with pride to have the honour of filling such an important role within our culture. On that topic, if luck is on my side, then this letter should come with an accompanying parcel – please treat it carefully, it contains the bones of an Ogygia resident - named Jorlias - who, in the days prior to his death, asked that his bones be cleaned and sent back home to be preserved and buried where they belong; in the Icefields. If you would be so kind as to comply with this request, it would be greatly appreciated. My time in Ogygia has served my magic studies well – if not for my eyes, I doubt I would be distinguishable from the natives. The mixing of cultures within the city, and our various ties with other clans, has permitted that I learn the basics of Light magic, however such magic is so far removed from the Ice and Water magic that I’m familiar with, that I find progress is slow. I think perhaps this brings me to the true subject of this letter. After a great deal of self-reflection, I have come to realise that I have…settled. The Southern Icefields are my birthplace, but after living here for so long I know Ogygia is my home, it is where I belong. This is not new information, what is new to me is the realisation that I lament this fact. I left home with the goal of studying every form of magic Sornieth has to offer, for to do otherwise would be to squander the potential that I was so lucky to have been born with. I reached Ogygia very early on in my life, when I was still a child, and so perhaps stayed initially because I missed the warmth of company and family so far away from my home. For a time this worked for me, because Niet and Yastrebok were more than happy to tutor me in Water’s magic. But I had a plan. I’d always had a plan, even back then, to only spend a few years at most within one territory. To master the magic within and then move to the next, because the world is a big place and to study and master all magic I come across would take a lifetime even then. Except I became complacent, I discarded my plan and stayed because I loved these new people that I’d found, and I was happy. I understand that my existence in Ogygia is part of an allyship pact. I do not know the rules of such pact, but now, as an adult I am sure I am permitted to make my own way in this world. I have decided to move on from Ogygia. In truth, I am unsure of where I will go. The Sea of a Thousand Currents is a very central point, so any journey I undertake will be a lengthy one. Most likely I will travel North towards the Viridian Labyrinth, to study Nature’s magic, a logical next step considering its close ties to the magics of Ice and Water. That said, perhaps now is as good a time as any to take that long overdue trip back to the Icefields. It would be most lovely to be able to see you all in person again, and like I said, I have too many stories to fit into writing. I think perhaps what brought about this change in mind, is that I feel I am no longer happy.

Midway through the letter, the text changes. A significant portion of the letter is not written in common, and instead switches to the native Ice script of Warden-Tongue. The elaborate handwriting and extensive vocabulary seem to vanish as it continues:

It is most likely foolish and horribly irresponsible of me to share any of this with you, but you are my family, however distant, and I know I can trust you. In recent years, things in Ogygia have not been going well. The city itself and its citizens are fine for the most part, most are none the wiser, but up top, there are chips in the foundations. As I mentioned previously, I cannot currently share details on the exact events of recent times, but the most important takeaway is this: Lockheed, founding council member and head of Ogygia’s militia, has fallen heroically in battle. Mind you, she is not dead, not yet, but it is inevitable, and most unfortunate. She deserved a swift and painless death, not this. In a last attempt to save those involved, including myself, she reached within herself and tapped into the purest form of magical essence known to dragons – the soul. Such an act is rarely done, and as such there is little known of its effects and even less known on a cure. The major Gods we have reached out to have not responded, and the minor deities say it is something far beyond their power. She will die a hero, will be remembered as one, but this is not a death befitting of a paladin, a defender of good and protector of innocents. It is slow, and it is painful, for her and for us. Nowadays she is a bedridden, her sight is failing, and she sleeps more often than not – a blessing perhaps. When she wakes, she is no longer herself. Every day she loses her grip on her identity a little more. Her husband, Bermuda, does not leave her side, even though she has long forgotten him. Her wife, Magpie, has become bitter and angry, and spends most of her time on the hillside just past the gates of the city, watching only for the return of their daughter, Europa, who is away from home and blissfully unaware. Her other daughter, Io, has been doing her best to keep face as a military general herself, to hide the situation from the public, but the already aggressive flame inside her burns only brighter. It has been a long time since anyone has seen her son, Ganymede. Lockheed was as much an older sister and mentor to me as any other member of the Ogygian counsel, and to pretend that I am unphased by this would be a terrible lie. But it is not my time. I must hold my composure until her passing, because the city relies on its counsel. We must do our best to hold through the passing of one of our members, and the devastating grief of two more. We cannot afford to crumble. As the face of the city, Niet knows this, more than any of us. As her younger sister, figuratively, I can see through her well-practised straight face better than anyone. We have faced many losses through the years, but this is the first time loss has hit so close, and it has rattled her. Unfortunately, this is not the only dilemma she faces, and as things continue to pile up my worry increases. The military has a strong but generally positive presence in Ogygia – We are small, with enemies on all sides, so we value those who defend us. Sooner or later the public must learn of Lockheed’s fate, and without a doubt it will cause unrest among the people. The hints of civil unrest are already taking root in some places. As a primarily Water based society, we are no stranger to prophecies, especially ones pertaining to death and doom, but these are easily dismissed as misinterpretations of visions, or simple scams. But recently, more and more prophets have been making themselves heard, all calling on the same vision – That there is a great beast in a deep slumber, but soon it will awaken and drag Ogygia to its blackened fate. I know not what it means, nor if I believe it, but it is become harder to ignore, and soon people will want answers. Yastrebok, Niet’s mate, has been riddled with similar prophecies for all the years I’ve known him, to add to the mystery. But the people of Ogygia will not turn to him, they will turn to Niet. The people have no faith in Yastrebok – the Absent King, they call him – and for good reason. Yastrebok has always had the awful habit of simply vanishing at times. Years and years ago, it’d only be for a day or so, but as time goes on his trips become longer and more frequent and now he disappears for weeks on end. When he returns he says he remembers nothing of where he goes or what he does. I’ve attempted to use Water magic to scry on him, to find where he goes or to tell if he lies, but every time I find my power blocked, whether it be by him or some external force. It puts a strain on their relationship. Niet mourns the loss in private, but when he returns, they no longer have civil words for one another, they just fight. Mostly verbally, sometimes physically. In the old days, when I was young and they loved each other, when they disagreed they would spar their frustrations away until they were tired, and then they would lie in the golden wheat fields and talk until it was better. Now they just fight for hours and hours, and then go their separate ways without a word. Niet confessed something to me recently, a grave something, that she said she has never spoke a word of to anyone else before. I will not share it, I cannot, but knowing that and then looking at the problems she faces now fills me with dread. I have no doubt that she is strong, but everyone has a limit, and I worry she will reach hers soon. I worry what will happen to her, to the counsel, to the city, when she does. Please forgive me, Father, for unloading this unto you. I know it is not your cross to bear, and most of this means little to you. Now that I think about it, I’m unsure why I felt the need to write it all down to begin with. Perhaps I just needed to share it with someone. Yes, I think I’ve found it a little cathartic, my heart feels just a little lighter now. Previously I shared things like this with my younger sister Ricin, but she feels the stress as much as I do, and her mental health is deteriorating. In all good conscience, I cannot burden her with this. If I can ask you of this, Father, once you have read this letter, and shared it with Mother, I request that you burn it. Or, if you simply must keep it, you ink out the parts pertaining to the inner workings of Ogygia. It is foolish of me to have written it at all, but it would be disastrous if our political weaknesses were made public, even in the Icefields so far away. We are small, now more than ever, and cannot afford more enemies in this state. I trust you to do this, and thank you Father.

Once more the text changes, and for the last few lines the text reverts once more back to common, and elaborate writing and vernacular return:

I understand that one clan leader such as yourself would find yourself terribly busy, but if you ever find yourself with but a spare moment, if it is not too much trouble, perhaps you could write back to me? I feel selfish to have written so much about myself – Truly, I would love to know how you and Mother fare back home, and in what endeavours my siblings, Lyudmila, Faris and Tsvetanka find themselves in. And if you could, please tell them that they too are welcome to write to me, or to come and visit any time. As I mentioned previously, if at all possible, I wouldn’t hesitate to return home, under the knowledge that you have the availability of course. I am unsure of when exactly I plan to vacate my home in Ogygia; it will not be an easy feat, and my heart will undoubtedly be heavy, heavier than it’s ever been. However, once the deed is done, and I find myself on the road once more, I’m sure that through various couriers I will find myself able to write and send more letters, for I truly regret my lack of recent contact. Oh, and one more thing, if you could keep this part a secret Father, but I have found that for a Fae, I have grown rather tall, and I will admit I’m somewhat proud of it. It has been so long since I’ve seen you, I would love to keep it as a surprise for Mother. Ever yours, Temahae

#flight rising #my lore #actual prose #temahae #tems letters #4 #warning its a bit wordy #also astro i hope its fine that i used a pic of kolya at the top haha #i should use tems letters as like. event summaries honestly

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scottmapess · 5 years ago

Text

I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M DOING THIS WITH MY BITCOIN!!

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

The ocean, the largest economic playground for would-be moon boys out here in the cold, cruel depths of the sea. Many, sadly, get completely wrecked. However, quietly lurking below the surface. A remarkable turn of events. It’s whale breeding season unperturbed by Coronavirus and its uncertainty for the global economy. The world population has been spotted to be increasing rapidly. This, as they say, is definitely good for Bitcoin. I think David Attenborough has done a great job moving on with the Times and staying relevant with his commentary. If more nature documentaries were like this, then I’d probably watch some. What he’s referring to, of course, is market research conducted by glass notes showcasing entities holding a thousand Bitcoin or more, a.k.a. Bitcoin. Whales are increasing as visualized by this spiking blue line. Two very interesting takeaways from this chart for myself. Our number one, the rates of increasing whales only briefly halted despite a 45 percent crash in Bitcoin’s price earlier in March. And number two, practically this entire year. Whales have been breeding, growing. This analysis is further corroborated by studying what’s going on with the Bitcoin balance on exchanges, which has currently faced its sharpest decline in all of Bitcoin history. More people are withdrawing from exchanges to store their Bitcoin themselves as they should. Promoting, holding. And as Mr Asim Breath tests, definitely good for Bitcoin. That’s just the greatest audio snippet of all time. I want a button that I compress that just plays it when I hit it. Bitcoin is possibly the scarcest asset known to humanity. But let’s put that all aside for a moment. Yes, I know it’s mildly interesting information, perhaps even comforting for those who are maybe buying Bitcoin regularly or have been long term holders of the coin. But what we really want to see is crypto daily trade. You talk the talk, but now let’s see you walk the walk. Well, to be fair, I have been holding you talk about trading, so let’s see you trade, bruh. Okay. Sheesh. I have never had so many Dems about anything I’ve ever talked about, even as I did when I first mentioned that I wanted to do something like this late last year. Sorry to have kept you waiting. It’s finally time now to be fair. I was busy in the interim cofounding exchange, one that does not trade against its customers. But with this whole coronavirus going on, fundraising was postponed indefinitely, shall we say. So now I’ve got the time to focus on trading. Silver lining. The rules are very simple. I take one bitcoin and I try and trade it into two or see if I can hold on to the one. The USD value will, of course, be important. However, that will be secondary to the primary goal of stacking Satz because I have a long term belief in bitcoin and just want to accumulate as much as I can. The second rule, every win or loss will be a matter of public record, as I think some cryptocurrency activity should be. Yes, I believe in privacy, but I also believe in no openness and verifiable openness where appropriate. So I will be opening a fund on literally the most ethical exchange I could find in the industry, prime expertise, funding it with one Bitcoin, calling it crypto daily and have my activity visible by anyone anytime. The third rule will be no exit scene of my position. I don’t want to be trading into USD or in my case, TBP and exiting my positions. I will be staying in Bitcoin leveraged trading. So that’s longs and shorts for those that don’t know. But I will probably never go beyond five X leverage. Yeah, I know it’s kind of boring, but I also think it’s not really appropriate to ever really go beyond that Mark. Now, I hear some of your concerns, but Krypto daily, you’re an idiot and you’re not a pro trader. And to that, I say I’m well aware of these concerns. To compensate, late last year, I completed reading a bunch of highly recommended books on trading. I’ll show you them now. So we’ve got how to take profits, cut losses and benefit from price declines. Pretty relevant with Bitcoin over the last two years. Trends following how to make a fortune in bull-bear and black swan markets may be also very relevant right now. Paul Hollywoods 100 Great Breads Always relevant. Well, I actually recommend that book, by the way. Not very good. I also have done pretty well for myself trading historically. I swing trade where I take large positions two or three times a year. Basically only when I think it’s very overbought or very oversold. As an example, I can proudly say I bought to the absolute bitcoin bottom in twenty eighteen, which I did make videos about at the time. But I must admit, this trading challenge is definitely the scariest thing I’ve ever done with my bitcoin, probably even my channel where you get to laugh at me if I lose it all and I get to claim your praise. If I actually win, there is definitely going to be some added pressure on myself to perform because no one likes to look silly. But one of the things that these books tend to reference is the need, the importance of a training mentor. One, you can discuss your trades with bounce ideas off of. To that end, I have sought out a pro trader friend of mine who has actually been living off of his trading ability, a rarity in crypto, I’ll tell you that. It’s on Twitter app block, chain blitz. Give him a follow. Also, just as an aside, if you’re not following me, why I put out highlights from videos in case you missed him. I also recently shared the greatest moment to have ever happened in my life. There is an Easter egg somewhere in the photo. You’ll have to find it. But looking at the charts again for a moment, I could definitely talk about the holiest of Bitcoin indicators, the gold and cross. This is where the 50 days in the 200 days moving average cross and it heralds in a bull market. The last one occurred in mid-February to not much fanfare, almost an immediate dump, and then eventually followed by a death cross. But this time. Things are very, very different because can you believe this, guys? I would be literally shaking if I was cold. So I think this is another reason I need to do the trading challenge because I just think it a little bit disingenuous to talk about trading like primarily orce or a lot and not actually do any kind of. See, the problem with that and I’m not taking shots at influences here. If you’re offended, I don’t really care. It’s not aimed at anyone specifically. There are some interesting tidbits of information to be gleaned from a chart and make a video on like I do that as well. But I just think you as the viewers deserve better, honestly. I. I’m only burning my half. All you care about is money. This town deserves a better class. I’m going to give it up. So if you want to see me burn all my money away or potentially turn it into more. Make sure to subscribe with notifications. I never asked for that before. I feel dirty. Now, interestingly, you can join my fund by going into prime SBT, hitting co vesting, looking for Krypto daily and hitting invest once you put like ten bucks there. There are fees applied when you withdraw. But these fees are only applied on top of profits if any. Don’t make any guarantees. I’d get a portion of those fees. The platform gets a portion. Majority of it comes back to you. Again, only if we’re in profit. I don’t make any money from training fees. I don’t make any money from liquidations, literally. Only if I first make you more money, which I think is a great situation. It’s a situation I’d like to see more influencers in, but it is what it is. So hopefully this is the start of something amazing. I am somewhat terrified, but I’m also very excited if I am able to help you make money and get paid for doing it. That’s the best job in the world. That’s literally one of the main reasons I started YouTube. So maybe you wait first. See how I do. I’ll even link Downbelow if you do want to support the idea of throw five or ten bucks into it. No guarantees though. I will never, ever make any guarantees. But let’s find out. Wish me luck. Blinded by the touch./otw_shortcode_content_toggle] source https://www.cryptosharks.net/im-doing-this-with-my-bitcoin/ source https://cryptosharks1.blogspot.com/2020/05/i-cant-believe-im-doing-this-with-my.html

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