#persistence is more neutral connotation?

[starthaw]

the opening song is called inertia, which feels a little funny to me especially bc inertia (in physics) refers to an object's ability to stay at rest or in continuous motion iff there is no additional force acting upon said object - newton's first law.

but the translated song lyrics (specifically the line "I'm feeling my inertia") refer to inertia as 感受我心中的那份执着 which translates to "I'm feeling that persistence in my heart" (执着 is more like persistence than perseverance imo)

so in this case, inertia is meant to be taken as the quality or state of being unwavering, unchanging. "I'm feeling my inertia" takes on an air of stubbornness, which transitions well into the next line: 固执地我相信 lit. "stubbornly, I will believe"

(crossposted from twt with corrections, inertia is such a wack title sorry I can only associate it with physics stuff)

[sacrificialsam]

i don't care if "dean would sexually harass people of any gender" is the route you want to go with bisexual headcanons of him, do whatever you want (but be aware that this is a biphobic stereotype!), but from a media literacy standpoint this is a nightmare conclusion to draw from the beginning of 2x17, even more so if you end up at just "dean loves men" like that post did. you shouldn't take madison's "you get a few scotches in him, and he started hitting on anyone in a five mile radius. you know the type." and deduce that the use of "anyone" equals gender neutrality, equals bisexual dead boss, equals bisexual dean. because that is obviously not what this scene is communicating about dean and his behavior. dean is directly being compared to a drunk flirt who routinely hit on anyone available and who hit on madison specifically so many times she'd come to expect it, because she knows that he persist even after she refuses him, which you can see at the start of the episode. you can't ignore all the negative connotations of that just to validate your own assumptions about dean, it's disingenuous. beyond that the boss was in all likelihood a heterosexual man, the episode gave no indication of him hitting on men, so "anyone" just means anyone in his dating pool, aka women who go to bars. and even if i agreed to play the linguistic gymnastics game on this and assumed the boss also harassed men that still wouldn't make it a dean being bisexual scene. it's still a dean is just like madison's boss who didn't stop flirting after she said no scene.

[nominalappraisal]

points' surround's

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[couponfeature]

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[jeannereames]

Why did the Greeks hate pants? Did it have to do with the way they perceived masculinity?

Why Did the Greeks Hate Pants?

Greek abhorrence for trousers (pants) is connected almost entirely to perception of them as barbaric attire. They were associated especially with the horse people of the steppes, such as Scythians, Sarmatians, (Amazons), but also the Medes. If barbarian initially just meant non-Greek speaker, over time, it acquired negative connotations. Also, for Greeks, there were “civilized” barbarians (e.g., Egyptians, Assyrians, Persians) and “wild” barbarians (Scythians, Celts, etc.) This seems odd to us, as the word “barbarian” immediately evokes uncivilized images, so how can you be a civilized barbarian? But again, barbaros simply meant anybody who didn’t speak Greek, literally “the bar-bar people” based sorta on Persian, which sounded to the Greek ear like “bar-bar-bar-bar.” So, it’s a slam, but in the more typical ethnocentric way of antiquity. Only after the Persian Wars did “barbarian” take on especially negative meanings.

In artwork, clothing is often used as a signifier of ethnicity.

Tunics, long or short, and kilts had been standard male dress in the ancient near east and Mediterranean for millennia. Ergo, the basic cut was culturally neutral, distinctions made in the weaving, design, cloth, draping, etc. This is why the average person can’t tell the difference between Greek, Roman, or Etruscan clothing. Or between Babylonian, Assyrian, Hittite, Canaanite. Egyptian is a bit more distinctive. But still, it takes time and exposure to learn to see the differences.

Yet trousers…now those look pretty different! Add in the funky jackets and hats, and people from the steppes looked quite different.

Why trousers? Pretty simple: weather/environment. The horse people on the steppes had to deal with much colder temperatures, In addition, they spent a lot of time on horseback. So trousers (and long-sleeved jackets) were just the thing! They also wore a head covering that sometimes veiled the mouth, even for men, no doubt to guard against dust when riding. They considered people who rode horses without trousers kinda crazy.

So trousers were startling to Greeks, and came to symbolize the exotic northerner. This is why Amazons usually wear trousers. Being originally from the steppe areas, the Medes also wore trousers, although the Persians, who migrated further south, adopted tunics. (Even then, they did occasionally wear loose trousers.)

As Medes and Persians became negativized after the Persian Wars, trousers also took on effeminate overtones because effeminizing the men of another culture was how Greeks insulted them: made them not so scary. Persians and Medes, like the Lydians and other ANE peoples, also liked highly patterned clothing, something again the Greeks associated with women.

In the Archaic era, wealthy Greeks, especially in the Asia Minor (Turkey) coastal cities and islands, also wore patterned clothing. But after the Persian Wars, the duller styles of Athens (and Sparta), and the mainland, gained traction, where patterns were restricted to borders, not the whole piece of cloth. Especially men who persisted in those “fancy” patterned clothes were the soft-living sort “like Persians.”

So that’s where the effeminizing of trousers came from. But there’s another component, related to horseback riding. Again, the steppe people thought anybody who rode horses a lot (as they did) and didn’t wear trousers, were nuts. There were no saddles in antiquity (or stirrups), just a saddlecloth (maybe). You stay on the horse by gripping with your thighs.

Remember, Greek men refused trousers and sometimes didn’t even wear underwear.

Now think about that, on horseback.

Those guys must have had some serious calluses!

“We’re TOUGH, we don’t need no stinkin’ trousers to protect us from riding rash!”

So yeah, testosterone poisoning combined with disdain for “barbarian” cultures, especially “wild barbarians,” led to a widespread contempt for trousers among Greek men of the Archaic, Classical and Hellenistic eras. (By the middle imperial period of Hadrian’s day, knee-length trousers were in, but I’m not a Romanist to know when this change occurred, or why.)

[weekend-whip]

I just realized something that could happen for Jesse & his lil' flower readings after reading that Nature-based Outburst ask.

What if... after the last time Jesse sees Harumi prior to Season 8, he decides to summon a flower, maybe wanting a sign that everything's gonna be alright with his troubled friend...

Only to pull out a lycoris radiata... a red spider lily... a flower said to line the paths walked by those you'll never see again...

'Cause yeah, he's not gonna see that Harumi again. He's gonna see the Harumi that's secretly The Quiet One the next time she shows up. But he doesn't know that, he'll think she's gone for good, after everything she's been through.

And when Crystalized comes & goes, when Harumi swaps back to the Good Guys during the last moments, when Jesse doesn't have to worry about his long lost friend stabbing him in the back while he gives her the most long overdue hug in existence... he'll know that she still isn't the Harumi he once knew, and she never will be again...

...because she's already walked the path lined with red spider lillies.

"I think it's more surprising—" Harumi hums, eyeing the wispy red flower that Jesse holds out to her as a sort of a peace offering. It's not the snapdragon she'd expected, but seeing something so pungent with meaning makes a smile creep on her face. Her pink eyes flit up to meet his brighter ones. His are not amused. "—that the spider lily didn't appear sooner, given that I died as soon as my parents did."

She says it dismissively, carelessly—like that hadn't been the inciting incident for years of impending agony. Maybe she's stopped caring. Maybe she's moved on. Maybe she's just trying to make a point.

Jesse doesn't know anymore, because he doesn't know who this is anymore.

It should be easy to look past it, as she says she's reformed, learned her lesson, wishes to atone...and there's moments where Jesse can see shades of the past sprinkled across her face in the few ephemeral moment since. It's in the way she carries herself, slightly shy yet bold when given the opportunity; in the way she does her part to help rebuild and makes sure no one else is slacking; in the way she'll catch the eye of those who were once friends turned enemies turned something else and then smile privately with nostalgia. But this Harumi doesn't deserve to do so, does she?

She almost has the same sparkle in her eye, same slight tilted smile, same windchime-like laugh...and even after a fall from grace, grace she still carries, derived from her duties upon the council and accumulated in the title of 'princess' eventually bestowed upon her. A grace that, even all those years ago, had been deduced by the appearance of a white and pink snapdragon, and enforced even now.

So, too, is that unwavering strength, for without it she wouldn't have defied all those deaths, metaphoric or otherwise, and certainly wouldn't be standing before Jesse now. He concedes she's overcome much with that strength, but used it just the same to inflict so, so much harm. Her strength is a neutral one, only taking on a connotation of good or bad depending on how she wields it...or, who beholds it.

That much is still the same as before.

But the most alarming similarity is the one he doesn't want to say. That, even back when she'd still wore her long pale hair in braids and skipped through the school halls and paraded around her adoration for the ninja, her snapdragons still whispered mentions of a capacity for deceit; a quiet, subtle warning Jesse had chosen to ignore.

Because surely, surely, surely, his best friend could have never been capable of hurting him and everyone they cared about to a life-destroying degree. And to believe otherwise would have been wrong.

...had the old Harumi truly died, if the most important shades of her still persisted within the girl before him now? Or, worse...the Harumi he'd known all along...really was this girl the whole time?

Jesse mentions her snapdragon's hidden meaning as she accepts the spider lily in its stead. She almost laughs, though it comes out as more of a choked sob than anything else. To anyone but Jesse—yet except maybe Lloyd—it would have been impossible to tell the difference.

"...that, I find incredibly ironic," Harumi remarks. The subtle mirth vanishes from her gaze, replaced by cold, expressionless melancholy. She's not upset, nor angry. Just tired, mostly. Resigned, if nothing else.

A hand slips into her pocket, and unto her finger slips a keychain, connected to a snapdragon encased in resin. Jesse's eyes widen as she pulls it out.

She spins it around like it's a meaningless toy. And yet, she'd kept it after all this time. It's almost enough to make him think that the lillies could be wrong; this could still be her—his best friend, lost to heartache, turmoil, and the unforgiven march of time and a slew of bad choices...

And maybe one day, if they're lucky, they'll be able to have what they used to, or at least parallel to it, if the Master is kind.

But, it won't be today.

"So you...find it ironic because you would have deceived us, even before you would have had reason to?"

"No." Harumi brushes a hand through her bangs, her fingers featherlight against the scar torn across her face. Sometimes, that's still enough to bring back the sting. "It's ironic because you had deceived me first."

And Jesse is swiftly reminded that no, this is not the same girl.

And also, that it is his fault.

[transgenderer]

I spend a lot of time thinking about a trait I tend to refer to as "stability" but I don't like the positive connotation there. It's more like... "Persistence" in the sense of "how long it lasts" (this is a usage I've seen in a math context). Anyway I think persistence is value neutral on its own but of course structures without persistence will go away so we desire a structure that is both good and persistent. And you might if you like imagine a persistent state as a local minimum in some sort of abstract energy landscape, and the deeper the valley the more persistent to noise. And then you can imagine this energy landscape as changing over time, shifting what is and isn't persistent.

Not that this is super useful. The mathy way of thinking about it. But the idea itself is useful. I think about this whenever I think about political figures. Because on some level they're free to act but on another level if they act a certain way they will lose power. And so the system selects for persistence. But it's not evolution, it's not massively parallel, and it's evolving very quickly, and people don't know what the persistence landscape looks like, they're just guessing. So you can imagine his underlying evolving landscape and then all sorts of noise on top of it

[caralara]

I would love to hear your thoughts on louis’ shirt! 🌵

Hi anon!

The first thing I recognised you already mentioned - the cacti! So obvious connection to Kiwi and “barren land” (infertile/no baby) I would say.

But there’s also a big fat spider on it, and to me “spider” has several connotations, from danger to “creating a web (of lies/contacts)” to Louis’ very own spider web tattoo on his shin. It might be a self reference as in “I’m creating my web, I’m connecting it all” - it also has the metaphorical meaning of patience and persistence!

Verrrry interesting tho I find the chameleon!

My immediate thought was that right now, Louis is literally a chameleon: he plays the part of the devoted dad for the antis, neutrals and twarries, while he’s signalling to us enough so that we know he sees us noticing it and he’s giving us more so that we know he knows we know he’s not a dad - he’s adapting to the environment and presenting exactly what we want to see in him right now and he’s pulling it off

What do you think?

It’s amazing. Very impressed by his shirt. And all these thoughts I had while I was screaming at him that we were in LOKEREN not in Brussels lmao

[kewltie]

one of the great mysteries in hogwart is izuku's strange and intimate relationship with an older slytherin boy!dabi where he's constantly on the precipice of falling to dark side and izuku is perpetually in the light and how some ppl no matter how hard you try you cant be save and how sometimes the ppl we love are capable of terrible things. this 'verse always been endgame bkdk; it started that way and will end that way, but dabi and izuku's friendship deeply fascinates me esp dabi's intense unrequited love for izuku that keeps him from completely burning the wizarding world to the ground and dance on its ashes.

dabi comes from a long line of purebloods who are wildly known to be wizards who fought against the dark so when he was discovered to have an inclination to the dark arts... dabi went from being precious first born heir to the black sheep of the family that nobody talk about. the wizarding world has a v v clear distinction between light and dark magic especially because the dark arts been repeatedly abused and misused by terrible ppl throughout history so it has a deep and troubling connotation even though magic itself is neither good or bad because it's just magic. dark and light is just a division of it; it's ppl that created 'bad' magic and link it to the dark arts but it's easier to just denounced an entire system of magic then to say, 'ah, it's really all our faults; we're corrupted magic with our selfish ways.' magic is true neutral. But because there's such a heavy society bias/prejudice against dark arts in any form that any sign of it is consider taboo, cursed, and propensity to turn evil for the user so when dabi shown to have a talent for it his father turned his back to him in order to protect his family's honor.

dabi felt abandoned by his family and the wizarding kind so he seek to burn it to the ground; his anger and hate simmers within him and for many years he nurtured them till one day he can fully unleashed upon the world but then he met izuku and for once in his life he hesitated.

izuku was born a squib, had no single drop of magic in him even as he sees everyone else around him able to do wonderful things. despite feeling like he's worthless, he didn't resent them or their magic. izuku only becomes deeply fascinated with it and all the potential it could be. so all this means that when he does finally received magic from AM (a long winded story that i will get into another day), izuku who spent most of his life a magicless in a world full of it, knows what it like to be isolated, scorn, and feels as 'others' instead as one of them but that make it all the more for him to change it for the better so nobody would ever feel as isolated and helpless like he once did.

so dabi and his ability to wield the dark arts as though it's an extension of himself?? izuku finds it interesting, something he wants to understand and study and dabi as someone who knows what it likes to be outcast because they're diff and doesnt fit in the society's neat lil box saw this boy extending a hand toward him and first he spurned it but then izuku kept persisting and never judge him and never make him feel like he’s dirt, wrong, and that he’s alone… so yea he becomes deeply attached to izuku. their friendship started because they both feels terribly alone in a world that doesn't quite understand them and even when izuku has the ability to fit in, he sees how the wizarding world in its isolation has deep muggle/dark magic prejudice and there are cracks in this 'perfect society’ so while izuku is determines to change it for the better, dabi wants to burn it all to the ground.

While they bonded over their diffs but at the same time izuku recognizing though he has been mistreated in the past (his father a muggleborn and he was a squib), this world isn't all bad. there are good ppl in it too! and he got (new) friends to prove it. just because the wizarding world been set in its ornery way for hundred of yrs and STILL HAVEN'T adapted to modern time yet, doesnt mean it's stuck in bias forever; it can be change, it will be change because izuku will do it. izuku wants to see it change because he sees the potential it could be just like he sees what dabi could be if he wasn't drowning in his own hate and anger so much. he clings to their friendship in hopes that one day dabi will see the light and just stop going down this dark and dangerous path.

dabi loves izuku. it is the most unselfish thing he ever done because he expects nothing from izuku. not his love, not his friendship, not even his kindness because dabi knows what he's about to do will only hurt izuku so it's better that he doesn't have izuku because he'll only lose him later but he also cant seem to part way with izuku because this wretched thing call love has long holds him hostage and he's fully aware that either his revenge going to burn him out first or this tired and terrible love is going to eat him alive. something got to give and it's dabi either way

izuku loves dabi very much because he feels a kindred spirit with him and they understands each other the best even more than katsuki who is his soulmate bc katsuki comes from a place of prilvage and could never understand izuku’s feelings the way dabi could but,,, it's not the same love that burn within dabi. it's not romantic but it's strong enough that izuku can't stay away from dabi for long; always coming back to him. they have this not so much toxic but it's definitely codependent and dysfunctional because they both make it v v v clear what their intentions are and how they both deeply disapproved of the others standing and is firm in their own set of beliefs but they cant let each other go.

for dabi he's already paved his path on this treacherous and dark road and he's not turning back for anything or anyone; it's him or this fucking terrible society, but if there's one thing he can save as it all burn is izuku and that's all he wants; izuku to be untouched and free. So while dabi's decision is cemented in stone, izuku has a harder time knowing what to do when it comes to his relationship with dabi because how far is too much? how far can he watch dabi ruin himself hurt others before izuku say enough is enough, i cant do this anymore; i cant support you. sometimes the ppl we love is capable of doing terrible things and when they do act upon it we have to ask ourselves is this something we're willing to compromise our morals, our character for? is love enough to stay. is love enough to change/stop them from doing something terrible that they may regret later? then if izuku does have enough, what would dabi do? is he so secured in his revenge and goals that he is willing to let izuku go? can he bear the thought of izuku cutting himself off from dabi permanently? does that not make him waver even a lil bit? does it not make him rethink?

the way their relationship pushed and pulled with dueling mentalities and goals and the way they both so drawn to each other but yet also stands firmly on opposing sides; it's interesting to see how it all unfold in the end or... not depending on how far they're willing to go for each other

[alittlebitgoofy]

if you want it make a move (taywhora)

part 2!! surprised i did this so quick but motivation happens, I'm not sure if it went right, I'm still new to this but we trying. we stan emerald for betaing, love it when someone is shocked i write canon compliant now skdjhfksjdf

title is from yours by now now

ao3 link 

The drive home was monotonous, despite the entertainment of Bimini next to him. Tayce felt the hangover from last night dully present throughout the day. It filled him with a bit of dread to realise tonight would end up much the same. Perhaps he could hold back on the alcohol, though with A’whora around, that didn’t seem like a possibility. He hated the taste of it and yet loved to get drunk with people. Tayce learnt that one after many a night of drinking. The more he had, the more he’d egg Tayce on. It led to many horrible hangovers but it was part of what made his roommate so fun.

Speaking of A’whora, said roommate was constantly texting him. Clearly, the clingy behavior wasn’t just a result of the alcohol. Tayce chalked it up to excitement. A’whora loved a party and celebrating the end of their journey on the show was something they had to do. They wanted to send it off well and have a fun night to remember.

“Is that A’whora again? Swear she never leaves you to breathe.” Bimini giggled as Tayce’s phone vibrated again. He could only laugh it off, knowing the connotations of it all but not wanting to deal with that. The sexual tension was the most annoying thing, Bimini knew his aversion to it but it made jokes all the funnier to most people.

“He’s a right hound, was drunk calling me last night asking when I'll get home when I’d already told him.” Tayce couldn’t help but smile a bit in memory of the night before. It was stupid and by no means should have entertained him but there was something cute about someone so genuinely missing him after only a day apart. This was their thing to celebrate and he craved it as much as his roommate did.

“Aww, he misses you. That’s cute.”

Bimini teased, with Tayce barely able to hide the blush forming at the idea of it all. There was a part of him that missed the idiot when he wasn’t around. Something about his goofy smile, dimples showing whenever he barked out a laugh that was reminiscent of a seal. It made his heart squeeze in a way no one else could. The absolute hound, having the gall to be that cute.

He stayed uncharacteristically quiet, participating in conversation with Bimini every so often but staring out the window texting A’whora more than anything. Thankfully Bimini didn’t comment on it, assuming it was the hangover and not the thought of the clingy boy he called his best friend.

---

The realisation that Tayce didn’t have his phone had come quickly after entering the door. A’whora was there offering his own to call and sort the situation. It came to the conclusion of them mailing it back, with Tayce frustrated about the amount of time without his phone but thankful it was safe and he’d get it back.

A’whora helped take his mind off it, jumping at the chance to pull him into a tight hug and whisper how good he was in the finale. It was a brief moment, and Tayce wanted nothing more than to throw his bag in his room and chill out for a bit before they started celebrating.

The table that got set up was nostalgic, it looked like a kids party, with party rings, sausage rolls. The staples of a party for children, but it added to the warmth bubbling up in Tayce. They’d gotten a huge cake from some company he’d forgotten the second A’whora told him.

A’whora seemed delighted by it all, reveling in how the table was set up. Tayce couldn’t help but laugh at how focused he was on the aesthetics, always the designer.

“Wonder how easy it’ll be for you to get drunk, my favourite lightweight.” Tayce smirked, poking A’whora’s shoulder as he let out a huff.

“I am not! You can’t drink that much more than me anyway, you hound!” He exclaimed, gently shoving Tayce in protest.

“You take 3 or 4 drinks to get tipsy, don’t kid yourself.” He deadpanned, A’whora pouting in response, refusing to confirm or deny the statement though they both knew it was true.

His guess was right, on the fourth drink A’whora was sneaking closer, clumsily trying to get his attention without causing too much of a distraction. Their roommates would hound them the second they realised something may be going on but he was too busy buzzing from the alcohol and close proximity to Tayce to care.

Tayce himself wasn’t far off, a few drinks in, beginning to feel the alcohol in his system. Though there were some shots involved too, he still wasn’t as bad as the mess nestled into him.

A’whora was glued to his side for most of the night; the more drinks, the more giddy the pair became. Everything felt real now, the show had ended and it was supposed to be sad but in the company of each other it wasn’t. They were so glad it happened, reflecting on it all and sending it off like this just felt right.

“I’m so glad we got to do all of this, isn’t it wonderful?” A’whora mused, briefly philosophical before turning his attention back to the cake in his lap. He kept leaning over to offer Tayce some, despite being fully capable of getting his own slice, this felt better. He felt something in him flutter at the affection.

“Yeah, feels like we’re free now, we got on the show, we did it. Now we get to live our best lives with that experience,” Tayce agreed, and even though it amused him a bit to see A’whora become a suddenly philosophical drunk, he had a point.

“You did so well in the finale, I’m so proud of you.” A’whora turned to him, soft brown eyes shining with admiration. Tayce wanted to avoid the gaze, to avoid dealing with the emotions it brought but that was just his talent. He looked so genuine in the statement, Tayce had never needed someone else’s approval, though this felt different. It wasn’t in the same way people always said it. A’whora genuinely looked up to him, it was cute.

“It was fun, I think we all knew Bim or Lawrence was going to win, took a lot of pressure off of my shoulders.”

“You’re my winner.” He didn’t try to hide the tenderness in his voice. The brown-haired man stared at Tayce like he was the only person in the world. His smile melted Tayce down to his core, pulling down any walls to just focus on him, here and now.

“You’re such a softie.” Tayce’s voice was also tender, pulling the smaller man into his arms, as if he needed protecting from anything in the silent room.

It was at that point he noticed everyone had gone, that it was just him and A’whora in the room, so much space around them but unable to pull themselves apart.

He shifted in Tayce’s arms, turning to face him. His face morphed between a few things, at first neutral, then into a goofy smile before something more thoughtful, Tayce knowing the look all too well. He was going to ask something, possibly something Tayce didn’t want to answer and it would be hard to say no to those eyes.

“Tayce, why do you never talk about your feelings?”

There it was. The emotional drunk A’whora, wanting nothing more than to open himself up and have someone do the same in return. Tayce wasn’t closed off to the idea, though he hated to be pried open. It was his choice, and no matter how much he trusted A’whora, he wouldn’t be able to do it on demand.

“I do, just don’t spill my vulnerability because that’s not how I deal with it.”

“You know what I mean, you’re never fully open with me. LIke I’m always the one bearing my heart and you shut yours out even when it’s only us.” A’whora frowned, eyes falling to the ground. It looked like tears were starting to build up, Tayce not knowing if he had it in him to deal with emotional crying drunk A’whora while he was gone himself.

“I know you don’t like being vulnerable, but I can tell you have feelings. Wouldn’t it be easier if you admitted it? We could be happy, but you just want to hide that part away, like it’ll go away when it clearly hasn’t.” A’whora continued, not waiting for a response and cutting Tayce deep. He was speechless, he knew deep down they were both aware of it, but it hit differently to hear it said out loud. His face spoke for him, eyes wide and flickering everywhere that wasn’t his roommate. This wasn’t a conversation you had while drunk, but it seemed like he didn’t have much of a choice with A’whora’s persistence.

Tayce tried to formulate his response, to honestly tell A’whora about his fears, not wanting to ruin the strong friendship they had and not feeling like a relationship would be good. It could work, they both knew it. They got along so well; they had amazing chemistry. The only thing stopping them was the hesitance.

The only thing stopping them was Tayce.

Maybe he should stop getting in his own way, and let himself try something outside of his comfort zone. Relationships were the one no-go in his life but why did they have to be? He didn’t have to be powerless at the idea. A’whora deserved better. So he kissed him, not waiting to think it through. A’whora was startled at first, but returned it enthusiastically, his arm snaking its way around Tayce’s shoulder to pull him in ever so closer.

They fell apart, trying to catch their breath as Tayce noticed the blush on A’whora’s face.

“Are you blushing? You give me this whole speech and you’re taken aback when I do something about it? You’re adorable.” Tayce’s face lit up, poking A’whora’s cheek and delighting in how flustered he looked.

“I’m not! The alcohol is making my body warm, you hound!” He futilely protested, blushing further as Tayce snuck closer, hand placed firmly on his chest to feel his racing heart.

“You’re an awful liar, it’s cute.”

A’whora jokingly shoved him, hiding his face in his hands as if it would help the situation.

“So do you want to do something about it? You were all talk last night, back it up, Georgie.”

If A’whora had anything left in him, it fled his body at that. He was left like a statue frozen at Tayce’s sudden shift. He could only lean into his hands as one cupped his face, pulling him into a more desperate kiss. Tayce wanted him, and he would let him have everything.

[iwantitiwriteit]

Slow Burn: Act I - Part 1

The Meet Cute - Part 1

Pairing: Chris Evans x Famous!Reader

Summary: You meet Chris Evans at a rooftop, industry party in New York, but will your awkwardness ruin the night?

Warnings: Profanity, Sexual connotations, but overall fluff

Notes: Please check out the moodboard + music specially curated to go with this part!

Expensive, rooftop kickback. Ice-cold beer in hand. Film industry tastemakers and Top 40 hits to soundtrack it all. It should be an ideal way to end one of the last few days of summer. And yet, Chris couldn’t help but feel out of sorts. He is a, rather THE, fun-loving party guy. But tonight, he just wasn’t feeling it. He was in a funk, and didn’t know the reason for it.

Could it be the fact he turned another year older a little over a month ago? No, I’m grateful for the blessing of aging.

Could it be that he didn’t care to be around the people in this party? That’s not it. Yeah it’s a bunch of industry schmucks, but Mackie and Scott are here; those are my boys! We always have a great time.

It could very well be a case of “the breakup blues”, as Scott puts it. Hardly, we didn’t even exchange ‘I love you’s’. It’s hardly a breakup if it wasn’t even love… right?

Chris shrugged to himself as he tuned back into the conversation around him. But as he got himself up to speed, he wished he hadn’t.

“So I have this friend I think you should meet, Chris. real cool girl. I’m not saying she’s the “perfect match” or that you should even go on a date, but you never know… y’all should just meet,” Anthony says in as neutral a tone he can muster. Aw shit, here we go again.

When Chris doesn’t give him a reaction, Scott too, tries to maintain some neutrality when asking, “Oh, really?? Tell us about her, why don’t you?” Jeez, these two.

“Well, she’s hella artsy, a creative type, if you will.”

Chris decides to patronize them, asking, “Yeah? What’s she do?”

“She’s a… uh… musician!” Scott answers, clearly excited by his brother’s minute show of interest, but realizes he’s shown their hand.

Chris raises an eyebrow to his younger brother. “So you know her too?”

“Yeah… I mean I don’t know her super well, but I met her recently… through Mackie.” Not a complete lie.

That’s… actually different. They’re always trying to set me up entrepreneurs who want me to throw money at their lip gloss business after the second date. Or worse, influencers, who are overly concerned with their “brand” and make me wait to eat while she takes pictures of the food so her “feed can also be fed”. Sheesh. But a musician, a fellow artist, could be different… “That’s cool, what kind of music?”

“It’s like alternative pop,” Scott answers, hoping to keep his brother’s attention in the subject.

“And that is …”

“…like, mostly pop, but it’s got a little bit of everything.”

“Right… what ever happened to ‘keeping shit simple’?” Chris states more than asks, as he takes a swig of his beer.

“You sound like an old man,” Scott quips, to which Chris playfully flips him off.

“ANYWAYS,” Anthony attempts to get the conversation back on track, “she’s also very intelligent, funny, youthful…”

“Youthful, huh? How old is she?”

“She’s… ya’know… young at heart… and on paper…”

“Bro, how old is she??”

“Twenty-- ”

“Let me stop you right there, ‘cos wow! I see how it is!” Outwardly, Chris feigns offense, but inwardly he’s just planning an escape from this conversation.

“You see me: a damn-near middle-age man; no wife, no kids, no GIRLFRIEND, and think I’m looking to “just meet” someone 10+ years younger than me? You think I’m looking to start my mid-life crisis or something? Yeah, thanks, but no thanks. I’m out this bitch!” Chris over-dramatically scoffs, throws his hands up and rolls his eyes. As he wanders inside away from them, he laughs to himself at their antics.

“C’mon man! We’re just looking out for you!” Anthony shouts after him.

And it’s true: He knows they mean well, but the constant hovering over and hand holding of his love life is getting to be… suffocating. Chris wants to meet someone without pressure or pretense. He wants someone real, someTHING real. But more than anything right now, he wants to be left alone about it. Huh, guess I found the reason for my funk.

——————————————————————————

Having just come from an incredible writing session, you’d somewhat forgotten you’d been invited to “schmooze” some Hollywood types. You arrive to the party well into the evening, around 10:30 pm or so. Enough time to ‘schmooze’ and get the hell out. God, I HATE ass kissing… If it were up to you, you wouldn’t be here tonight, but Anthony and Scott were persistent on getting you out.

You hadn’t bothered changing your outfit cos it was comfortable + cute + completely party ready, in your humble opinion, but the disapproving looks from a couple of bougie Bettys by the in-door bar didn’t go unnoticed. I really couldn’t care less. I just collaborated with one of my most faviorite writers EVER for Mackie’s movie!

Your name sounds off in the near distance. It’s a couple of your co-stars, Ansel and Jaden. You’d met them previously at a Vanity Fair party about a year ago. They’d each been publicly supportive of your work and you’d been *platonically* in each of their DMs, but they’re both no more than acquaintances.

Chatting to them for a bit, there’s introductions to the preexisting group, some of whom seem a little star struck, or maybe taken aback by your attire? It’s getting harder for me to read people nowadays. 

You ask them where Scott and Mackie are, seeing as the former invited you here and the latter is a good friend of yours. Ansel points you in a general direction, and you thank him before you head that way.

The indoor dining and lounge area open up to a large, open-air, rooftop patio. It’s packed with film industry folk; A-list to up-and-coming, like yourself. You’re not exactly sure what the celebration is, just that Scott & Mackie insisted that you show your face, rub eblows, but most importantly, let loose for once; seeing as you are making your break into acting this year. A much needed change of pace from your usual work.

‘Japan’ by Famous Dex is playing as you sneak up behind an unexpecting Scott. Taking him by the hips from behind, you sway to the beat with your pelvis to his backside. To your amusement, he’s visibly startled and turns around, his face changing from “WTF?!” to “OMG!!” when he sees you. You don’t stop dancing, but instead get a little more raunchy as Scott joins in with you. You share a laugh, hug and air kiss.

“Let me stop. I’m not using all my moves on you tonight!”

“That’s too bad, but maybe we can find someone for you to use them on,” he replies with a wink. You playfully roll your eyes and swat at his arm. Yeah, highly doubt it. Not what I’m here for, anyways.

"How ya doing Kid? How was the writing sesh?” Mackie asked while being a little distracted with texting. You assumed it was for work because usually Anthony was a very present individual. Not only was he in the movie, but he was a producer, and you figured he hadn’t turned that part of himself off even though he was at a party.

You started to gush about the session, the collaboration, how that one part “just came together” when… oh my fucking gawd.

“Hey Kid, I want you to meet my good friend—“

“He was my brother before he was your friend!”

“Wow, really you guys?”

Mackie finishes introducing you to Chris Evans. Chris motherfucking Evans. You wonder if he’d always been standing there or if he just walked over, because you didn’t notice him before. You shake hands, and get a little shy now, hoping it wasn’t noticeable. Chris plasters on a polite, but fake smile. Shit. He can see the fangirl in my eyes!! Get a grip sis!

“So... how do you know these two?” Chris motions left then right, from Scott to Anthony.

“Uh... um... movie.” You nod as if you’re trying to convince not only Chris, but yourself, that you just gave an adequate answer.

“What she means is that she’s a part of the movie Mackie and I are doing.”

“Oh, alright cool, cool. What do you do?”

“Well, I’m a sing--”

“SINGle actress! She’s very single, and very much an actress,” Anthony looks at you with widened eyes as he nods his head slowly, like you bumped your head and forgot what you do. What’s up with him?

“Um, yeah, I have a supporting role, which is more than enough for my intro to the silver screen.”

“Your first movie? Congrats! You’re in good hands with these guys on set with you. Just remember--”

“Stay away from bananas?” The words tumbled out of your mouth before you could stop them. Wow. No one makes a move in the awkward air you set. You just made a reference to his somewhat embarrassing-- yet very comical-- film debut. You dummy!

“I’m so sor—”

“No. No, no don’t. It’s, uh... fine,” he says, half laughing. You all return to awkward silence, with Chris looking off into the distance, pretending to wave at someone so he can plan an escape for the second time tonight. You’re too busy studying the ground and mentally kicking yourself for your stupidity to notice Scott and Anthony, panicked looks on their faces and gesturing to the other to “do something” to save this train wreck of a conversation. Anthony decides to break the silence.

“Yo Kid, Lemme see your hand.”

“My hand? Why?”

“Just let me see it!” 

Your hand is guided to Chris’ clothed, taut pec by Anthony.

“Feel that? Good stuff, right? Soft to the touch, yet strong and dependable. But most importantly, makes ya feel real good in bed.” No he didn’t just say that!!

Chris mouths a ‘wow’ with raised brows, and you cautiously take back your hand, slightly bewildered *but not really* by Anthony’s boldness. Anthony still holds on to your hand lightly.

“What man? It’s Egyptian cotton! I don’t mean to embarrass ya!”

“Somehow, I think you do,” Chris chuckles while he takes a swig of his beer, eyeing you tentatively. You can’t bring yourself to make eye contact with him, and just fix your eyes straight ahead. I’m literally staring at a wall... of muscle.

“Look, let me see your hand.”

“Hey, hey! He ain’t stroking my chest; it is NOT that kind of party… gotta at least take me to dinner first.” You whisper the last part, but Chris still catches it and laughs at your quip. The tension in your shoulders eases up some, but only a little, not trusting yourself to get too comfortable.

“Just trust me!” Anthony whines at you.

“Last time I “just trusted you” Mackie, I ended up fleeing a pack of angry ducks… I still have the scar!”

“Wait, wha—“

Mackie brought yours and Chris’ hands together for his large hand to hold your smaller one, and there was… electricity?

“Isn’t that the softest hand you ever felt? What do you use?”

“Uh… Shea butter.”

“Yeah, that’ll do it! Oh won’t you look at that. Her ring finger is naked, hm… and look at how good she looks in white!” Nope, just more awkwardness.

You share an embarrassed smile and glance away from each other while each of your hands gently fall back to your sides.

“Leave it to Mackie to be subtle…” Scott intervenes, “Well! Now that all the cool kids are here, why don’t you, Chris, take our lovely friend here over to the bar to get a drink so we can get this party started!”

——————————————————————————

Silence settles over you and Chris at the busy bar as you wait for the bartender to service you. It’s not necessarily awkward, but definitely not comfortable. You take this moment to breathe in the New York air to soothe your nerves, while also starkly avoiding eye contact with the handsome devil to your left. But after a while, you decide to take the lead with small talk.

“Hey... I am SUPER sorry about my ‘banana’ joke earlier. I didn’t mean to--”

“Stop. It’s fine, really. Don’t beat yourself up about it.” You exhale a little at his words, relieved you didn't offend him. “I’m the one who should say ‘sorry’... I normally laugh at jokes about myself.”

“Then why didn’t you? You left me hanging out there!” He chuckles a bit as he sips his beer. Now it’s his turn to exhale.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Nope.”

“Ok, that’s, uh… cool.” Chris side glances at you, finding your nervous energy amusing... and endearing. He decides to mess with you a little.

“So, how long have you been acting?”

“Oh, uh... not that long. I’ve done a few things here and there, but this is my first serious role.”

“Ok. And how long have you been single?” Realizing how that might’ve sounded suggestive, he attempts to backtrack. “I didn’t mean like-- just Mackie made mention-- I wasn’t like-- ‘s just trying to mess with you a little...” Well THAT backfired.

You couldn’t help but giggle at seeing him flustered. “I guess it’s my turn to say, ‘It’s fine’?” to this, Chris is visably relieved. “Yeah, I would also apologize for Mackie’s behavior, but you’ve known him longer than I have, so I’ll let you claim him when he acts like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like a meddling… muffdiver…?” you couldn’t think of anything good, but Chris laughs heartily at this. You can’t help but admire his strong, manly features as they melt into something reminiscent of a child. Head thrown back, clutching his chest, boisterous laughter booming from him. You can’t help but join him in laughing at your lame joke.

“So does this mean I owe you an apology?” He leans on the bar, looking every bit the yacht daddy and gives you a sly smirk. Is he… flirting?

“I guess so. I’m waiting…” you say, tapping your imaginary watch and a sly smirk of your own. Am I flirting??

“Well, tough luck… ‘Kid’. You’ll be waiting forever. I’m not apologizing for shit Mackie does cos he’s my amazing friend who I’ll always ‘claim’ and love unconditionally… even if he acts like a ‘meddling muffdiver’.”

“First of all: aww! That was very bromantic of you.” Chris chuckles at your unique term, making a mental note to use it sometime. It’s cute. Like her smile…

“And Secondly?”

“Secondly… I’ve only begrudgingly given Mackie permission to call me ‘Kid’.”

“Why’s that?”

“I guess… Cos he’s like an uncle to me, and you gotta let him have some things,” you laugh to yourself thinking of your relationship with Anthony.

“But don’t let the nickname fool ya!” You continued, “I’m a grown ass woman, at a grown ass party, ready to have some fun, and shake my grown ass… “

“Ass?” You both pause for a moment before bursting into laughter. It’s great to laugh with someone like this…

“I’ll admit: I didn’t think about where that line of ranting would land.” You both take a brief moment to take each other in. Looking at him while he’s looking at you starts to make your face feel hot, so you break the silence.

“So… what are we celebrating tonight? I’m kinda new to this scene,”

“You know what, I don’t even know what. I was invited by a few different people, each with their own reasons for coming. So, anything really. ”

You’re finally served your drinks and make the short walk back over to Anthony and Scott. When you reached them you raised your glass to signal you were making a toast.

“Well, here’s to good health, good company, endless creativity, and, and…”

“Grown-ass asses!” Chris finishes for you.

“Amen! Salud!” You all clinked drinks, but Mackie and Scott were confused by the last bit.

“You had to be there,” Chris answered with a wink in your direction when they inquired. You blushed slightly, never more thankful for your melanin to cover it up.

Mackie and Scott looked between you and Chris, confusion etched on their faces, as you’d only been alone for all of 5 minutes. They resolved into knowing, satisfied looks between each other.

This goes unnoticed by you and Chris. The pair of you start talking about the movie that you’re starting next month with his brother and friend.

This turns into talking about how you met them, more laughter, some refilled drinks, more conversation, then light touches to arms and hands. The touches were unintentional, but welcomed by both of you, leading to lots of coy smiles and lingering looks. Tonight might not be so bad after all…

Part 2

[undeific]

i promise it’s not that deep, or why you’re wrong about self-inserts: an essay by your friendly neighborhood chaotic neutral

So, self-inserts. A hot topic, apparently. In 2020. Perhaps it’s due to a dashboard full of young, possibly underage writers (which is not a bad thing! embrace your creativity!), but this is a discussion I believed we had matured past. Since it has been floating around, though, here is my take, and the take a great deal of circles have embraced in the past 6-7 years or so. 

There’s always been a self-insert problem in the community — not necessarily self-inserts themselves, but rather the response to them. It’s no secret that these characters are commonly regarded with disdain and always have been: they’re viewed as the most self-indulgent form of character, the least creative, and the worst-written, having been made solely for the purpose of connecting with canons and living out one’s own Mary Sue-adjacent fantasies. To some extent, these generalizations make sense and line up with a reality we are all very familiar with; after all, these assumptions must come from somewhere, and there would be few canon-portraying writers among us who could say they’ve absolutely never been met with an uncomfortable situation brought on by an overeager self-insert. In 2013, the worst crime a roleplayer could possibly commit was create a character like this, and would result in what was considered, and many times was, a well-deserved blacklisting from entire fan spaces and writing circles. A self-insert was, after all, created with no integrity and only had bad intentions. 

We all know the self-insert girl — and yes, she is a girl, of course. Her dialogue is clichéd, her plots are threadbare and consist primarily of smut and romance, her backstory is tragic and attention-seeking. She often has the same name as her creator and her faceclaim is self-flattering. She seeks out canons and attractive original characters of the male persuasion, persistent in her attempts to reach out, hoping to begin shipping with her victim — or victims — of choice. She is a being purely of self-gratification and wish-fulfillment. She is, in a word, embarrassing. We do not like her. She is told on the rule pages she does not read that she will be blocked, banned, and ultimately mocked by those who have seen her floating about. She is “politely” insulted and threatened for crimes she has yet to commit, and chased from the platform as quickly, cruelly, and efficiently as possible. Yet she always comes back in one form or another, like a cockroach.  

These characters still exist, of course. They were never a myth. I am familiar with them, as are you, and everyone else who has dipped their toes into the writing pool. But they are an exaggerated breed these days, and often used to perpetuate elitism in spaces where it is entirely unnecessary. The shadow of the stereotypical self-insert’s reputation has been cast over original characters as a whole, specifically female characters, and has created an unwelcoming environment prone to cliques and harassment. A character outside an established canon is suspect. A woman outside an established canon — and sometimes even within — is eyed suspiciously, hypercritically, before being thrown a generous bone by a “lower-tier” roleplayer who will determine whether or not she’s worthy of attention.

If any desire for wish-fulfillment is detected or perceived, she’s dropped quickly, often with no warning. 

There is a strange idea that permeates throughout roleplaying culture that wish-fulfillment writing is done in bad faith. This is flawed logic in many ways. Roleplaying is not a job. It is not an inaccessible artform. If you engage in this form of entertainment, you are getting something out of it. You are stepping outside of yourself and becoming someone else, and you are enjoying it; you are, in other words, engaging in a form of wish-fulfillment, though perhaps not with the sticky connotations you are familiar with when contemplating the term. This very idea goes against the rhetoric that has been built up by the community, however — self-indulgence is taboo, roleplay is serious business, and only those worthy and “quality” shall partake and be given attention. (It has even been taken to the rather sad extent that if one does not keep up with aesthetic-based trends, they are met with passive disinterest if not outright disdain. But that is another essay entirely.) If you seek wish-fulfillment, you are not welcome. If you are a self-insert, you are not welcome. If your character shares too many traits with yourself, you are obviously seeking wish-fulfillment, and probably a self-insert to boot, so you are not welcome. 

There are layers to this. People do not want to associate with these leper characters, and so they create strict rules to be adhered to — and that makes sense, as everyone is entitled to their own pleasurable experience, and their own guidelines. But these rules become meaningless in the shuffle, placed on carefully-crafted Google Documents to do nothing other than promote elitism and limit creativity, whether that is the intention or not. If you like a character, but find out it shares the same name and birthday with its creator despite little else in common, what do you do? If this character does not seem interested in pushing a ship onto you in your interactions, are they still breaking your rules? If a character was created with its writer as the base, though they do not behave in the stereotypical way that makes self-inserts unbearable, why is it so important? What do the origins of a character have to do with its current iteration? Why, if it does not have a negative impact on interactions, does it matter if a character is a self-insert or not? At the risk of sounding like a dusty academic, the bard once wrote, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” What, aside from preconceived ideas, does a character’s self-insert status have to do with anything? 

“Discomfort” is the word primarily used when discussing these characters negatively, and many hoops are jumped through to justify why this discomfort is felt if there is no concrete reason, no offense committed. If one is willing to dissect another’s character, but not one’s own reasons for their own discomfort when confronted with the simple, low-impact reality that this character exists, some self-reflection is warranted. Even more so if this character is, as far as you have seen, well-written, fleshed out, and interesting, with the only “downside” being that it is, in fact, a self-insert. 

To write well, one must understand the character they are working with. Divorcing oneself entirely from the characters they write will only work to their detriment. All creations, all characters, must contain a piece of the writer within them to some degree; that is the only way a piece of fiction will function — but if that is against the rules, we cannot write. We cannot engage in any sort of believable storytelling. Self-inserts are, at their core, only the most exaggerated form of original character. 

This, of course, is capable of leading to problems; one of the greatest issues here is the possibility of the lines between fantasy and reality getting blurred. This has happened to me when dealing with self-inserts, as well as other original characters and even canons. It is distressingly common, one of the most unpleasant situations to arise in roleplay spaces. However, if it is your assumption that the lines of fantasy and reality will be blurred purely because a character has self-insert origins, that likely says much more about your own grasp on reality rather than the self-insert’s. It is and always has been important that proper distinctions and boundaries are maintained, no matter who the writer or character are. During heavy or dark threads, writers will often be found shooting jokes back and forth in the tags to put each other at ease, and people give out their handles on instant messaging platforms to ensure easier, more efficient communication out of character. If this is done efficiently, any issues that arise are handled in a stable, mature way, and the problems that lend themselves to roleplaying become ever rarer. 

Self-inserts are like any other character, they just have a label with nasty connotations and an unfortunate history and stereotype attached. There should be no thorny questions here, only whether or not the character interests you personally. If the very term is a dealbreaker for you, you are taking yourself, and this, too seriously — and missing out on some fascinating storytelling in the process. 

That being said, the character I portray owns a knife and I own a knife, so I am practically a self-insert myself. I guess I’m gonna be blocked! 

[anryuuepic]

Odessa Landrott Bio

Name: Odessa Landrott

Species: Ghiasuli

Race: Blackscale

Role: Ground Grand Knight within the Ghiasuli Royal Guard. Has a fair amount of power in name, but winds up nothing more than Solaris’s useful little toy. Manages most of the dirty work in the Offense Regiment, and is perpetually stressed to the max from all of her duties. 

Affiliation: Royal Guard

Gender: Female

Age: 24

Height: 5’8

Appearance: Odessa is a relatively tall woman with a thick build. She’s wide through her hips and shoulders, with a good amount of muscle mass. Her skin is a light brown, her eyes are a dark, rich gray, and her features are on the rounded side, yet still rather stern. Her hair is black, thick, and curly, and usually worn in a medium-short, wavy cut loose around her head. Her expression is usually a troubled frown and a furrowed brow. 

Special Abilities/Strengths: Odessa is polite, respectful, and obedient. She’s even-tempered and composed, with few people ever seeing her lose her head. She’s very good at handling difficult people, especially those with violent or rebellious tendencies, and is skilled at making sure she gets her way when needed. She’s very strong-willed when left to her own devices, and has a persistence and will that stands out of the crowd. She’s very methodical and organized. She can hold up to a massive amount of stress.

Weaknesses: Odessa tends towards the subservient and overly-obedient. As much as she hates being controlled, her superior, Solaris, leaves little room for argument. She tends to bow her head and obey before facing a conflict, and she takes her loyalties as Ground Grand Knight a little too seriously. She’s often rather emotionless on the outside, which has caused a variety of interpersonal issues. She’ll obey any order from her superior without question, no matter how unethical it might be. 

History: Odessa is from a wealthy household. She was trained from a very young age that she had to obey those better than her for the sake of her position in society, and was only ushered into the military life to make her family look good. She claimed her position six years ago, and to the surprise of many, has done wonderfully holding it. She’s considered one of the more skilled people in the Royal Guard, despite her gender, and because of that, her family has become rather hesitant to pull her out and marry her off. 

Relationships: Odessa’s relationships tend to be rather one-sided. She does decently with people of her own rank or lower, but any kind of authority gets immediate subservience. She manages her division well, though, and is skilled at making troublesome people behave. She’s known for being very fair with her people, yet strict when it comes to discipline. Within her Regiment, she has a master/servant relationship with Solaris and is constantly being bullied and tormented by Luts. 

Personality: Odessa is a serious, rational person who rarely gets upset. She’s far from relaxed, though, with her body usually bearing all kinds of signs of stress. She’s tired and perpetually overworked from what Solaris leaves to her, and never quite looks calm or rested. She’s tough on her own, with a natural resilience and mental strength, but crumbles quickly when it comes to anyone in charge. She doesn’t show her emotions very often, preferring to keep a brave face and a neutral voice. She’s very obedient when it comes to authority. She’s known for her ability to keep difficult people in line, even if it’s usually through subtle manipulation. 

Interests: Odessa likes orderly to-do lists, clear instructions, being ahead of her work, and time to herself. She dislikes unrealistic expectations, “nails that stand out”, and dealing with Solaris. Her hobbies have been reduced to keeping up with whatever work Solaris gives her. 

Abilities: **TO BE ADDED**

Miscellaneous: Odessa is very used to being disrespected and looked down on by her peers, but she never quits hating it. She has the biggest workload in the entire Royal Guard, thanks to Solaris dumping his work on her. She hasn’t a full night’s rest in over four years. She hates her family, and never really wants to go home. The idea of being married and forced to retire nauseates her. Her room has virtually no personal possessions or decoration. Solaris chooses how she styles her hair, which Odessa despises. She considers herself to have no pride, and willingly follows any necessary order. 

Connotative description: A beaten-down excuse for a subordinate who’s over-stressed to the point of exhaustion. A strong person in her own right, but kept carefully under her commanding officer’s heel. 

[largemaxa]

The Spiritual Path to God

For those of us who believe that God is the pinnacle of being and the ultimate reality, surely an encounter with him would be regarded as supremely Good—perhaps as the one supreme Good towards which our entire lives trend. Perhaps the experience—the reality—of constantly dwelling in his nature would be the final aim of human life, if that could be done. But how are we to reach him or dwell in him? And are we even sure that "reaching" him is the best conception of what we need to do? There have been many proposals for man's attitude to God over the millenia, and they are not all in agreement that "reaching God" is the proper aim of human life. Even if we set aside those who claim that God does not even exist, there is also another persistent set of claims from the major world religions that argue that we are not supposed to pursue God directly at all, and our aim should rather be to live in accordance with guidelines—and within appropriate bounds—that he has set out for humans to follow.

In this essay we explore the option of growing closer to God by pursuing a "spiritual path" that is independent of outer institutions and structures. This proposal has a few components. We must accept that the entity called God exists. We also accept that our aim is to grow closer to Him—as opposed to us ignoring him and him ignoring us. And then there's the the method of doing this—via the spiritual path. This implies that there are other methods. What is the nature of this "spiritual" approach and what distinguishes it from the other approaches?

What's in a word?

By the 21st century, the word "spiritual" has become overlaid with so many different meanings that it is hard to tell what exactly it refers to. Does it refer to the search for meaning in human life in general? Is it a neutral-sounding code word for specific Eastern religious doctrines that are incompatible with Western religious doctrines and attempting to supplant them? Is it a meaningless term that can have no meaning because the realities it purports to describe don't exist? This vagueness can be offputting to those who value pragmatism and rigor. Though the word shows no sign of declining in usage now, those who value the word and what it means should at least attempt to take care of its usage. After all, we have seen a backlash against the word "religious", with a trend towards people using the qualification that they are "spiritual" but not "religious" because of the negative connotations from the rigidities and archaic qualities of religions, so it's not entirely out of the question that if negative associations to the word "spiritual" develop, the word may develop a similar disrepute among serious people.

I cannot claim to give a single watertight definition of "spiritual" or "spirituality" that will match the usage of all people—that would cover, say, all of the senses listed in the previous paragraph. After all, the nature of language is that words change their meanings over time in accordance with human usage. Instead I will make one attempt at tracing out a vision that I believe this concept corresponds to, and will also claim that this use has a certain justification and correctness, even if it cannot claim to be the absolute correct usage of the term for all time.

But even to make an initial definition as to precisely what I mean for this specific context is difficult: spirituality can have many different definitions because we can emphasize different things about it, just as when looking at a diamond from different angles we may see many different gleams, facets, and shapes even though we're looking at the same object. We could define spirituality in terms of the individual or in terms of God; in terms of actions, or in terms of a worldview; philosophically or from a historical perspective, contrasting it to other concrete choices one may be facing. We'll start with the idea of "spirit", which is the Divine essence which lies behind everything in the material world—in the case of man, that Divine essence which lies beyond the external manifestations of the body, mind, and emotions. Our initial definition of spirituality is that it is a way of living with the aim of contacting that Divine spiritual essence and bringing out its expressions in life. And the spiritual life, or the spiritual path, is the life path we walk when we live this way.

This definition may seem quite harmless—who could disagree with the aim of living life with an aim to express the inner spirit? But to better understand what exactly the spiritual approach is, it's most helpful to contrast it to two other possibilities of life, the religious life and the material life. By doing this, we'll gain more specificity in our definition of the spiritual life by adding both positive and negative parts to our defininition of spirituality. The idea of spirituality might be simple, but following it out to its full potential requires individual independence and an eventual departure from other recognized forms of life.

To a religious worldview, "spirituality" is vague and wishy-washy concept, denoting an overly permissive practice that would seek to avoid the rigors and sound structures of religious tradition. A second criticism might come from a pragmatic and/or secular perspective: to this way of thinking, "spirituality" would denote the pursuit of chimeras and invisible enigmas, a way of living that shies away from the demands and practicalities of real life. In other words, the religious would hold that the approach to God that the spiritual perspective advocates is not possible outside of its institutional structures, while the secular pragmatist would claim that the approach to God is not even possible at all because it contradicts what we know of normal life.

But if there really is a substantive method of approaching God in a more purely spiritual way—that is, if the spiritual path as an approach to God really exists—then it must turn out that these these criticisms have no real force.

The material life

By "the material life" we refer to all possibilities of human life that are not tuned to God or the spirit in any significant way. This would include, for example, the lives of those who are atheist, agnostic, or otherwise secular and don't profess any active belief in God, but it would also includes the broad swath of people who are formally religious but don't practice in any significant way. It could even include those who are concerned with the deeper meaning of human life, who seek a life of meaning and purpose and could be said to be engaged with with the "human spirit" in a broad sense, with more emphasis on "human" than "spirit"—for example, artists and philosophers who explore mental and emotional idealism but are not oriented towards pursuit of God or the Absolute.

In the mundane life, there are other objects and goals that are seen as more worthy of pursuit than God: career attainments, sensory pleasures, money, family life, glory of country, support of the community. Even pursuing high ideals like philanthropy and service to humanity, while not incompatible with the spiritual life, are not necessarily spiritual in themselves if they are done with a purely secular attitude. While it is true that all of these things are forms and expressions of God, the crucial difference between the material and the spiritual life is that in the material life these are viewed as ends in themselves and not as so many expressions of God through which to approach him. The spiritual life is actually made out of some of the same ingredients as the normal life: someone following the spiritual path still uses money, still engages with friends and family, still conducts work according various to ideas and human organizational structures, but the difference is just that the spiritual seeker only pursues those activities which bring one closer to God, and sees them as expressions of the spirit rather than ends in themselves.

In practice, one who pursues this mundane life will have some fixed point beyond which they refuse to see, a point past which they stop caring about seeking for the truth of God. It may be romantic love or one's family, it may be one's country, it may be artistic expression, or it may be the idealistic service of all humanity, but as long as there is any barrier at which one feels content, uninterested, or indifferent about continuing to seek for God, it is not yet the spiritual life. Once again, this does not mean that the spiritual seeker does not engage with these forms in the outer life: someone with the proper spiritual attitude could be living with their family, doing work that is of national service, and deeply involved with the community, and as long as she sees these as being tools and forms of the spirit, meeting the outer demand with the proper spiritual attitude.

One way to view this is in terms of consciousness and unconsciousness. We could say that people who pursue the material life are still themselves expressions of the spirit in things, but they have not grown not conscious of that fact yet, while those who pursue the spiritual life have reached the point where they are conscious of the spiritual nature of life and want to express and explore it fully. This should not be viewed as any sort of deficiency on the part of those who choose to live the material life—most spiritual philosophies would hold that they are living in the way that is correct for their level of spiritual maturity, and they may be drawn to the spiritual life later at the appropriate stage of spiritual growth (perhaps even in another human lifetime).

Another way to view the difference between the material life and the spiritual life is in terms of the gratification of the ego versus the search for God. The ego is a psychological construct evolved by evolution that causes each individual to view him or herself as the central and most important being in the universe. But the ego is capable of extending itself and incorporating larger forms as well, so that the individual transfers his or her egoic identification to other things: someone could be selfless in one's contribution to one's family or country but still be attached to the family or country as an extension of one's ego, in which case they are engaged with the mundane life as opposed to the spiritual pursuit of God. So long as there is any finite form or object in the universe that the individual identifies their ego with more than the enthusiasm to dissolve the ego into service and devotion to God, they are still living the material life.

The religious life

The religious life is another conception of life that we can contrast better understand the spiritual life. In some ways, the religious life is more similar to the spiritual life than the material life is—the important similarity being that the religious life, like the spiritual life, is directed towards God. One question important we must ask, then, is whether these are really two different things.  The primary distinction is that in the religious life, one relates to God specifically through through the rituals, forms, and social institutions of an organized religious tradition. The major world religions—Christianity (in its Catholic and Protestant variants), Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism—each provide their own social and ritualistic structures for doing this. The details vary greatly, and are subject to extensive scholarly and lay commentary study, but some common features include regular worship services that draw the entire community together, an official institutional hierarchy distinguishing between clergy and laypeople, and a system of social norms for living that is suggested by the institution and enforced by the social community.

For our definition of spirituality,—the attempt to contact and bring out the inner spirit—we didn't specify that the relation to God must take place within an organized religious institution; but we also didn't specify that it must *not* take place within a tradition. So if these are two ways of relating to God, what is the difference between them? In fact, there is no absolute line between the two, and they are not strictly contradictory to each other. We could say in principle that the religious life is one form of the spiritual life. But it is possible to participate in the structures of an institution while paying little or no attention to the truly spiritual aspects—that is, the possibility of being religious without being spiritual, just as there is the possibility of being spiritual without being religious. One could say that it is possible to pursue a spiritual path either inside and outside a religious tradition, but the religious life isn't necessarily spiritual.

There is no absolute conflict between the spiritual and the religious conceptions of life. But the purpose of this section is ostensibly to attempt to understand the spiritual life by contrast to the religious life. Where, then, is the problem, contrast, or condtradiction? One seed of discord between the two approaches lies in the difference in their goals and purposes. Religions tend to be about organizing the religious life of a community, whereas the spiritual approach is about the relationship between the individual and God, without necessarily excluding the idea of community support. One possible result can that religions can devolve to the point where not much spirituality is involved at all, and adherents meet all of their outward obligations to maintain good social standing in a religious community, making a purely outward show of faith without having a real inner relation to God at all. Or it can lead to outward concerns and priorities overwhelming spiritual priorities; a common pattern is for the institution to become dependent on secular sources for funding and compromise its spiritual integrity. In Christianity, for example, we see the story of Jesus' anger at the moneychangers at the temple, or the later example of the Catholic Church's use of indulgences in the middle ages. Usually a religious reform movement arises within the religion itself whenever the inner spirit of a religion fails to meet the spiritual needs of its adherents; at that point it must either change its forms, ossify into a spiritless shell, or fail completely.

While the previous examples show some things that can go wrong with religious approach, they don't prove that the religious approach will always fail or that the spiritual approach will do any better. After all, if religions sometimes ossified to become too involved with money, they were also often restored to a more spiritual nature by powerful saints and prophets, to the spiritual benefits of many adherents. And of course, so many billions of people have in the past and present found refuge for their souls within these institutions. From a spiritual perspective, there is no reason why a particular set of rituals, spiritual doctrines, and religious community should be inherently in conflict with the spiritual impulse to seek God, especially since the professed goals of the religious approach is to seek God as well. Therefore, in principle, one could still satisfy the spiritual need while working within a religious institutional structures. But, of course, if there was no conflict between the spiritual impulse and religious structures, there would be no reason for any individual to seek out an independent spiritual path we are discussing here.

In practice, we find that the independent spiritual path meets a need that is not satisfied by religious institutions, as there are specific issues that individuals with a spiritual inclination may find when participating in currently existing religious institutions:

-Truth: Organized religious traditions may profess beliefs—and require them to be professed by adherents—that conflict with what intelligent and conscientious individuals know to be true about the world from perspectives and ways of knowing outside religion. One of the most prominent examples over the past several centuries has been science, with the most famous and influential individual conflict being Galileo's disagreement with the Catholic Church. But religious traditions continue to make claims that conflict with what cutting edge science says about the universe.

This is not to say that science is the highest standard for truth that we have as spiritual seekers. But there are more and less convincing ways for a religious tradition to reconcile its doctrines with those of science, and there are different preferences that one may have for evaluating the reconciliation. If the religious doctrine cannot square itself with the rest of what an individual knows about the world, it can't be an eventual fit. Science isn't the only way that religious doctrine can conflict with one's sense of truth; another possible issue could simply be belief in the religious claims that the religion is making, whether they are about ancient prophesies, supernatural miracles, or interpretations of historical events. Rationality is not the ultimate standard or arbiter in matters of the spirit, but at the same time, if the claims of a religion cause a strong and irreconcilable conflict in the rational mind, it is not likely that it can be a permanent spiritual solution for the soul.

-Ethics: Similarly, if a religion conflicts with what the ethical sense of an individual knows to be right, they may not find alignment with that religion. For example, if a tradition supports overt or tacit discrimination or different treatment against any group or class of people, or institutionally encourages regressive political policies that one does not agree with, that is something that will impair the ability to feel connected to it. The conflict may be about purely religious matters, as well, rather than political ones—for example, some religions profess the doctrine that only adherents of that tradition will receive the ultimate spiritual salvation. For any of these social, political, or religious matters, there will almost certainly be justifications that are given in terms of the religion's doctrines, but the individual has to evaluate whether they make sense in terms of the individual's own moral compass.

-Aesthetics/Heart: In some cases, the symbols, rituals, and forms used by a religious tradition may simply cease to fascinate and individual and thus may lose their ability to continue drawing them closer to God. Just as one may have a long and fulfilling marriage, fall out of love, and go on to find love again with a second marriage partner, so is it possible to cease being enraptured by the symbolic system laid out by a religious tradition while still loving God and go on to find another set of symbols that is more resonant. Within the framework and exclusionary claims of a given religion, of course, adherents don't have the freedom to make choices based on whether they are aesthetically fulfilled by the symbols, as from within the perspective of that tradition, there is simply no other choice available. But if you believe in the potential for individual spiritual freedom and you do not feel inspiration continuing, there is the option to make another choice.

-Restriction: An individual may chafe at the specific restrictions that are advised or required by a religious tradition. Religious adherents may be required to perform rituals according to institutionally prescribed schedules or undertake dietary restrictions that are not desired. There is also generally pressure to participate in social structures that may not be appealing, such as marriage by a certain age and/or restricted to a certain group, childrearing expectations, rigid gender roles, or restrictions on social circles. From within the perspective of the religion, this could be seen as a matter of discipline, of living a well-regulated life in the way that God prescribes. It's true that some form of discipline is necessary for any endeavor in life, including spirituality, but it needs to be appropriate for the person: the regimented schedule of an army recruit is suitable for those pursuing that profession, but would be inappropriate for someone seeking to be a novelist. The question is whether the discipline that is laid out by a particular religion is suitable to an individual's mind and nature.

-Spiritual options unavailable within religions: It could be that an individual sees the possibilities for spiritual fulfillment that are not readily accessible within a given religious tradition. All religious traditions have certain practices that are possible, while others are less advised and may even be viewed as heretical. One may find that spiritual development requires techniques that are not supported within the confines of their existing religious tradition. Someone who is embedded within Catholicism may not find that their community is supportive of several hours a day of contemplative meditation; someone who is involved with the American Buddhist tradition may realize that they don't want to do hours of meditation and want more tactile ritualistic methods but not find that their clergy is able to provide them. In both of those cases, the desire to pursue spiritual practices that are not supported by the organized religious tradition may lead to ways to practice outside tradition. Unfortunately, as with human relationships, it is difficult to go outside the institutional relationship to have spiritual needs met and still remain on good terms with the institution.

-Trust: One of the most crucial needs for an individual's spiritual framework is a basic trust in organization or religious tradition to be the caretaker of their spiritual development. In fact, all of the above factors could be viewed as relating to an aspect of this kind of trust. Any organized religion claims to be representing God on earth and doing his work. The question for the individual is whether they trust the institution in this capacity. Much can be forgiven intellectually, aesthetically, as to matters of discipline, even ethically if there is a trust that the institution really is representing God . This is similar to a child's relationship with their parents—it could really be that the institution knows better what it is that God asks, and if you trust them with your heart and soul then that is for the best.  

This is why there is no sense in finding out if religions are absolutely true or absolutely false according to some given external scientific or philosophical standard: they are representing God for those who find that representation useful, regardless of whether others do. Do you trust the priest and hierarchy at a personal level as representatives of God—do you trust that God is speaking through them to you? Or is there another way that you find God speaking to you—another person, text, image, or experience? Do you trust the laypeople in the organized religious community is the community through which you want to serve and relate to God? By "trust" here I don't necessarily mean trust at the purely ethical level, as in whether the organization can be trusted to conduct themselves with ethical financial management and being free from lurid scandals. The trust here is deeper and more profound—whether the organization can be trusted to be your soul's intermediary to God. Does the organization feel like a way that God is speaking to you, or a way that God is speaking to anyone, or just another work of man?

Authority

The reasons listed above could be generalized to evaluate one's participation in any organization or activity, not just religion, as they are essentially about seeing whether the soul is aligned with a given possibility or not. But it can be harder to make dispassionate judgements and choices when dealing with the question of whether to participate in a religious organization in particular. One major reason for this is that for many people, religion serves as the foundational source of a worldview—the collection of fundamental beliefs about how the world works, what is right and wrong, how one should act, and so on. Further, religions claim that they have the legitimate authority to be the source of their worldviews; one of the ways to understand what a religion even is is as a worldview and an accompanying social structure. In contrast, the considerations above were discussed from a perspective that assumed the individual would have their own worldview separate from that of the religion that they could use to evaluate the suitability of the religion for their individual spiritual path.

This is not only an individual choice but also the result of a civilization-wide change in the perceived source of authority. In earlier eras, religion itself was the highest source of authority, and it was not possible for individuals to bring their own judgement to the issue of whether a religious doctrine and tradition should be followed. The authority was enforced by more rigid hierarchical social structures, and attempting to circumvent it could lead to the risk of social censure or even violent persecution. At the current juncture in history, though, we hold that each individual has the capability and the right to choose their views for themselves. This change happened over many centuries and has many causes, but one major identifiable turning point was the Enlightenment, a Western philosophical movement from the 18th century. The philosophers of the Enlightenment such as Rousseau and Voltaire stressed the importance of individual reason and liberty against the oppressive authority of the Church and monarchical government. They were largely successful, and these ideals are still held as having paramount importance in the world today.

However, the independent spiritual path existed before the Enlightenment and is not dependent on it; when people were strongly motivated to pursue it, they carved out their own structures like the institution of sanyassi (renunciation) in India, or the underground transmission of hermetic philosophy in Europe, even at the risk of persecution. Therefore the ability to choose one's worldview is not something that is granted by the invention of particular philosophical ideas but is a fundamental human capability. That doesn't mean that it is necessarily easy to change one's worldview— it generally is not. An individual who questions their worldview may go through an intermediate period of teetering between seeing a religion as the fundamental source of a worldview versus seeing a worldview outside of a religion and religion as a choice to participate in. Social bonds, pressures, and emotional attachments an complicate the question further. In the spiritual view, it is ultimately the individual soul that decide what sorts of structures it can best flourish within. And if the soul grows so that a given religious worldview is incompatible with it, they will transfer to a more independent spiritual path.

Religious life is a form of life where the individual relates to God through the rituals, social structure, institutional structure, and ideological worldview of a particular organized religion. The spiritual life is the individual's search to grow closer to God, the Divine, or the ultimate spritual reality in general. As we have noted, there is no conflict in principle. We could say that for many individuals, their spiritual life and the religious life coincide; or perhaps we could say that they are able to pursue the spiritual life through their involvement with the religious organization. But there is also an independent spiritual path that can be pursued outside of religious organizations. This becomes necessary when the individual's mind and temperament become incompatible with the structures of religion due to a combination of outside influence, personal evolution, and evolution of the world, and perhaps changes within organized religions themselves, but they still want to continue searching for God. The soul ultimately demands freedom in its search for God, which is why the notion of the independent spiritual path exists at all. But it is not only religious structures that the spiritual path might lead us past: in fact, the spiritual path demands potential freedom from all contrary influences as the soul submits to God.

Freedom as as essential characteristic of the spiritual path

There is one area where the independent spiritual life departs from both the mundane and religious conceptions of life, and this is the area of freedom: the spiritual life requires that we allow absolute freedom to the growing inner spirit. As the lives of saints and martyrs show us, the pursuit of God may lead us to contradict every secular authority, societal convention, and even religious authority itself. The religious life requires adherents to stay within the ideological and lifestyle boundaries set out by the religion; spirituality means that one may feel called to take up practices or live a life that does not fit within those boundaries.

The material life, on the other hand doesn't seem to offer any lack of freedom, especially in those countries where political freedom is valued. However, the sort of freedom offered by the mundane life is deceptive. The foundation is what is called "negative liberty" in political philosophy: the individual has the power to undertake consensual actions that do not break the laws of the state. But the freedom that the spirit demands is a higher standard: one must be free from societal expectations as well as from the demands of one's own lower nature. While the "negative liberty" of political freedom assures that there will not be limits on action from the state, the individual may still encounter subtantial sub-legal resistance from members of society. In practice, one who follows the spiritual life, choosing to follow God and the dictates of inner spirit, will find themselves in conflict with family members, employers, friends, relationship partners, and others who expect them to continue acting within accepted, conventional structures that do not accord with the callings of the inner spirit.

The spiritual life may require you to take actions that set you at odds with the social body in general, whether we conceive of this social body as the body of the religious community or the secular community at large. One may feel compelled to make changes to one's diet, personality and comportment in casual conversation, choice of career or hobbies, or social circles in ways that lead to criticism, interpersonal tension, or even ostracism from the religious organization or secular community. One example could be a set of parents who expect their child to go into the family profession of being a lawyer, inheriting their parents' business and political connections, while the child wants to pursue a career in the healing arts. It would require an act of strength in the child's spirit to follow that calling in the face of disapproval and possible withdrawal of material support from the parents.

But a the second issue is that spiritual freedom requires going beyond the desires of the lower nature as well. Spiritual freedom does not mean that we should be drawn to libertinism, rebellion or iconoclasm for its own sake: one who follows the whims of the lower nature to indulge in excess is no more essentially spiritual than the one who follows all the conventions of the normal world, never questioning their rightness. An important part of the spiritual life is accepting the restrictions of the world created by God and without chafing at them arbitrarily. The freedom demanded by the spirit is not the freedom to pursue the arbitrary whims and desires of the lower nature.

For example, one degenerate interpretation of secular freedom is the freedom to generate wealth and keep posession of arbitrary amounts of wealth. There is no contradiction with the idea of wealth in a spiritual worldview; wealth is a power of the Divine, especially if it is generated and used responsibly in accordance with an individual's nature and their highest vision for themselves and others. But if one's motivations for generating wealth are greed, envy, and the desire to impress others, it's better to give up those desires rather than continue to believe in this notion of "freedom"; the spirit may be able to find what it needs to survive within even seemingly slight conditions, such as a the pleasures of a modest but well-organized and decorated apartment where one has space to do one's private devotions.

There is a certain paradox to the nature of freedom: the spirit has the right to decline any circumstance if it finds it too restrictive; and yet the spirit must be able to find the freedom within any circumstance even if outer circumstances don't change. Spiritual freedom is not, say, the ability to wave one's wand after a natural disaster and declare that everything should go back to normal by fiat but rather to stay connected to the soul and see what the possibilities of the soul are even within difficult situations.

Direct Experience

But perhaps the most significant difference between the spiritual worldview and a nonspiritual worldview, whether materialist or religious, is the idea of direct spiritual experience: in the spiritual worldview, the experience of a higher spiritual reality is possible and open to all. That is, unlike the mundane life, the spiritual worldview sees that the experience of a higher spirituality is possible and desirable; and unlike the religious life, these higher and ultimate spiritual experiences are not just accessible to the chosen few prophets, priests, or renunciates—they are not restricted to those with a special chosen birth, institutional social position, or those who have waited through multiple rebirths before seeking the experience. This is not to downplay the large amount of effort and commitment nor the possibility of substantial individual differences that may occur in spiritual development. Still, in the spiritual worldview there is no insurmountable separation—neither a religious institution nor simply the impenetrable dullness of reality—standing between human life and the experience of the Divine. In fact, the very purpose of the spiritual life is to seek the fullest possible expression of this experience, rather than being counseled to pursue worldly aims as in the mundane life, or encouraged to follow a regulated life within the boundaries of human experience as in the religious life.

Therefore, the concept of "belief" has a much different role in the spiritual life as well. In the non-spiritual life, great emphasis is placed on what one "believes" about God and about the nature of the universe. These beliefs are mental ideas that individuals hold and debate but never directly experienc. In the spiritual life, since direct experience of the content of the beliefs is possible, belief is no longer a mere mental idea that one needs to hold on to tightly; rather, it changes into a matter of provisional guidance. Consider the relationship of a physics student to the laws of physics before and after their university study. Before the university, the student is not aware of the details of physical laws, but trusts that they work on account of the trustworthiness of the professors and the successful demonstrations of science. But they are able to learn the details of physics for themselves in university, and after the university, they know the details and therefore do not need to take them on "faith" any longer.

Similarly, in the spiritual life, we hold a "belief" about God or the nature of the universe fully expecting that one day we will come into contact with the reality that the belief professes; it is not about a mere idea that one is expected to entertain about faraway things. A spiritual person "believes" in God but expects to eventually experience God; this is different from a position in a theoretical discussion or debate about whether something imaginary does or does not exist. In the spiritual life we can accept guidance and teaching of those who have gone farther on the path, but ultimately we don't need to "take anything on faith" indefinitely, as everything can be experienced for oneself.

Spiritual practice

And because the aim of the spiritual path is to have direct experience of a higher spiritual reality, the idea of the spiritual path is inseparable from the fact that someone on the spiritual path must be actively working towards that potentiality. The actions that one takes to reach this goal are called one's "spiritual practice": just as a student of piano has a rigorous schedule of exercises and studies to work towards the goal of proficiency at piano, so does the spiritual seeker have practices that are used to work towards the spiritual goal. As we noted earlier, there are multiple ways to define spirituality depending on the aspect one focuses on—in our initial discussion we used the provisional definition that spirituality is about an individual's search for God or a higher spiritual reality. Taking another perspective, one can just as easily define spirituality as being about spiritual *practice*—perhaps we could even say that the spiritual path is essentially about the practice one does, as any spirituality that doesn't involve practice in some form can only be some sort of theoretical speculation. Spirituality is not a mere worldview but rather the act of spiritual practice along with the resulting spiritual knowledge that one holds that grows deeper with experience.

What, then, is this "spiritual practice"? Suppose God lived in another physical city on earth. Then spiritual practice would be a simple, straightforward matter of taking a physical journey to God. But we know that that is not the case; spiritual practice is not as simple as making a physical journey. It's more confusing because supposedly God is everywhere, surrounding us, making up the very matter that makes us up. Lucklily, there are many specific spiritual techniques that have been devised and passed down over the ages. In fact there are potentially *infinitely* many techniques for doing practice. More important than being wedded to any one specific practice, though, is to understand what spiritual pratice *is*; for if you understand what spiritual practice is, then any practice becomes possible, or any activity or all of life can be your practice.

One way of understanding spiritual practice is that it is the process of turning one's energies towards God. In a metaphysical spiritual conception, the human being has a certain amount of cosmic energy flowing through them, and a choice as to how to allocate this energy. No matter what our circumstances might be, there is always a choice of how to direct our energies, towards something lower or something higher, whether towards destruction, pessimism, and hatred or love, peacefulness, and constructive action. Even someone stuck in a locked cell with few apparent outward options is still animated by cosmic energy and can choose to work with the tools of intention, faith, contemplation and prayer as long as they are conscious.

Spiritual practice can be thought of as the act of directing these psychological energies towards God. In the normal, non-spiritual life, as we discussed, psychological energy are turned towards the normal activities of labor, leisure, reproduction, amusement, culture, and so on, but for the essential gratification of the ego rather than God. Spiritual disciplines take these energies and redirect them through concentration, prayer, spiritual service work, ritual, and so on. But even these tools can be seen as ways of training one's consciousness to have the correct spiritual attitude throughout all activities, no matter what we are doing—the attitude which results in all of one's life and energy being devoted to God.

And getting to this point, where one's psychological energies are fully devoted to God, is what ultimately removes the separation from God. So the spiritual path is not a physical journey but the journey of changing one's psychology so that it is capable of doing this. But this is not an trivial process: while man is a creation of God and made of the substance of God, in another practical sense, man is truly separated from God. We are separated from him by our mind and chaotic life-impulses, the dense and intricate structures that constitute our body and our consciousness. We undertake spiritual practice to remove this separation. The separation can be removed internally by going inside oneself to commune with one's God-nature. But separation doesn't need to only stop at inner states. We must be in contact with God in our outer lives as well, when we aren't absorbed in contemplation, prayer, or meditation; hence the importance of spiritual practices we can work with in our outer lives as well. The process of doing this progressively throughout our whole being while remaining outside of the limiting confines and influences of any fixed religious institution is the independent spiritual path.

[anotherramblingfangirl]

Mary Brock:

You know, I actually have quite a few headcanons in terms of Mary Brock. Canon has given me so little, that I just have to fill in gaps using what little knowledge we do have of her.

A warning: She’s a Brock and one unfortunately, canonically in a coma at that, so this is not happy.

Some are small things, just little details such as-

There was a phase in her life where she thought narwhals were mythical creatures. 

The most precious photos she has is one of baby her and her mom at her baptism, as well as a school one of her and her brother. 

She is very good at maths and her occupation before her coma was a financial, office position in a charity which she passionately worked for.

Did have some friends

If she drinks alcohol it’s wine

Wanted to have a snake some point. Had always thought them cool, but her dad had said they were not biblical.

Remains devoutly Catholic and has a prayer for just about every situation which she will recite if she feels the need

Her Roseary is very important to her

Pacifistic “do no harm principles”

Cooks well and makes her own proper meals instead of ordering

Her home is her pride and joy and she is capable of saying a lot about it

Typically goes by “Brock” to non-family members, as a part of reclaiming the name’s sullied reputation for herself. 

“Mary” was chosen by her parents for it’s religious connotations. 

Often very tired and has to force her way through that

Not a forgiving person. She will initially approach someone nicely, but if they wrong her/prove themself not worthy of niceties she will not put up with that. Nor is redemption perceived as an option.

Neutral view on Superheroes. Sure, they’re useful and necessary, but also living in New York meant the sort of things they got up to became very annoying.

Does not have a car. Walks or bikes or takes a train if she must to where she needs to go.

A stress coping mechanism of hers is going for a run.

Has a girlfriend named Maura Greene who is a magician. And also a character from transformers who I decided to put a version of in Marvel. Before her coma, she made an active attempt to go to her shows and be supportive when she could.

Would never want kids.

Much like her brother, she grew up to be very tall. 6′1 to Eddie’s 6′3. 

She was also quite lean due to being athletic, but her coma ended up mostly wasting her muscles away.

She likes wearing pantsuits and jump suits and mostly leaves her as is and untied, unless doing a sport. 

She never grew out of her childhood liking of polka dot patterns and still has a lot of things with them on them.

Would be extremely weirded out, but ultimately accept her brother’s alien children and view herself as their Aunt, had she ever gotten the chance to find out about and meet them all.

Some are larger things-

She took to athletics and did things such as marathons, keeping any and all trophies/medals she got because of this with pride. Initially as part of her overachieving brought on by a distant critical father, but even upon moving past that she found she still loved it and persisted in the hobby. 

She continues to be very good at homemaking as a direct result of her childhood consisting basically entirely of that rather than things like play. Her home is her pride and joy.

She takes and prints and keeps many photos. Partly brought on by her father first taking down all photos from before Eddie and not taking any after. The ones mentioned above as most precious, were technically “hidden contraband” she was not supposed to have.

And also: She was not a good sister to her brother.

Initially, while younger, this was because of the sentiment fostered by their father that Eddie was to blame for and had killed their mother. 

He killed her mother, things got a lot worse in the house after he did and as such, through a childlike association, she was often very mean to him due to some resentment brought on about that-

Although she did still care about him, and they did have good sibling moments. I wrote an entire fic about one such headcanoned childhood moment.

As she grew older, that resentment did also fade - as she became old enough to understand what was actually going on in their household and with their father -and moments of solidarity and bonding became more common.

Hence how Eddie later voiced this very positive opinion on her after she fell into a coma:

Venom even trying to avenge her - doing that “wild tendril thing” that happens when even the symbiote is upset tooo. 

But, ultimately, despite all that, it got to the point where Mary could not stand being in that household anymore with the emotional abuse it entailed and walked out the door.

And she essentially cut ties with it.

She did keep some contact with her brother, out of worry for him and because she cared about him but...that contact was phone calls, or e-mails. 

There was always some reason or other why she could never physically visit.

Then Eddie became the then-criminal Venom and she lost contact entirely.

It being too late to reconcile or fix anything 

And this is a huge regret of hers that only grew over the years.

That she walked out of an abusive household, but left her little brother there, alone with their father.

How things might have gone differently if she hadn’t “abandoned him” and had taken him with her when she walked out of that door.

The memory of that night was persistently something that plays in her mind, as a facet of survivor’s guilt.

A lot of this guilt manifests itself in her trying to overcompensate by doing good and helping people however she can. Such as with her position in a charity.

Along with that, she has similar mental health issues about feelings of inferiority and depression, much like her brother. But, unlike her brother, she did at least recognise it better and was officially diagnosed with and receiving medication for clinical depression.

Also unlike her brother, her trauma did not result in her becoming co-dependent - rather the opposite. 

It instead manifested in immense fears about someone ever again having the level of control over her life like her father once did.

That fear of control, along with her do no harm principles, means she would cope nowhere near as well as her brother, if she were to ever somehow be bonded to a symbiote. 

It would be a waking nightmare that would take a lot to get over.

Although in the same vein, that strong level of will to not be controlled also means she would have much more success than most, in attempts at resisting a symbiote trying to do so.

In terms of her coma she gets two visitors - Maura and Eddie, both who talk with her and update her about things.

As always, her father has a “what child” attitude.

Eddie tried to use his symbiote once to properly communicate with her, despite the brain damage that put her in that coma. It was once for a reason.

Eddie’s visits to his sister are much, much more rare than Maura’s visits to her and could be counted on fingers...for obvious reasons.

He did accidentally encounter Maura visiting too during an attempt to secretly sneak into the hospital room once, although, knowing who he was, they simply talked and she kept the appearance a secret.

He has also helped pay to keep Mary’s life support on, that having been where all the money went from his time working with the government.

Mary Brock has now been in that coma for several years.

But! There is hope.

There having been signs of improvement over the years and the increasing possibility of her some day waking up.

[sasorikigai]

15, 17

Angsty Character Questions: || @seidanguard || accepting 

15. How often does your muse cry? Do they view it as weakness?

Scorpion; He has never realized how much grief lived inside his body until he opened up himself up to the new possibility of intimate love. It’s been both shattering and healing, as Hanzo still struggles with the vividity and visceral nature of their death and imagining what could have been of Hasashi family if they had lived. His occasional crying is quiet, fibrillating and heart-ravaging and wrenching. It leaves him completely depleted, beyond exhaustion as he’d simply slip into the lulling whisper of Hypno’s lullaby as persistent lingering of their image of death will permeate like burning blossom of the sun. It becomes that constant urge for ruin, which claims absolute control of him. While he does not view the act itself as self-destruction nor weakness - he simply views it as another sensation he must go through in his exile, his redemption, so to speak. That is his eternal punishment for exacting wrongdoings as Scorpion, and he is simply paying his dues. 

Sub-Zero; Not as remotely as often as Hanzo, but Kuai Liang has a tendency to break down when he’s in absolute solitude, with perpetual loneliness swallowing him whole as he lets himself hide beneath the light in the hallway of his private chambers. His breakdown isn’t as nearly corporeal and devastating as Hanzo’s, but he is more affected by it in negative connotations, because he does consider it a weakness. For his upheld mantle of Sub-Zero prevents him from relinquishing completely into his raw, unfiltered emotions, feelings, of his heart, etc. He is supposed to be that disciplined, dutiful one that stubbornly and stupendously bear all the burden that comes with leading a large clan as the Lin Kuei. 

17. Does your muse consider themselves a good person? Why or why not?

Scorpion; With all that accumulated vice and carnage and savagery he had inflicted upon the Earthrealm as Scorpion? Even with his human form with all of his humanity and heart and soul intact as Hanzo Hasashi, he still considers himself as true neutral, who can easily sway in his gullible, having penchant for being manipulated and swayed. He may be extremely sensory-attuned and sensitive in that way, but it also becomes his greatest weakness, because he isn’t all that excelling at delving deeper into something, beyond what his five senses curtail. Hanzo considers each aspect - evil and good, chaos and law - of things must be retained in balance to maintain the status quo; for things as they are cannot be improved upon except temporarily, and even then but superficially.

Sub-Zero; Completely opposite. For all of his defection (being the Revenant and cyberized to become Cyber Sub-Zero) has been done in unwilling defiance and always being good-hearted despite all the throes of his torment and agonizing loss of not only his elder brother, but of close comrades, Lin Kuei assassins under his mentorship, Frost, Sektor, Cyrax, Smoke, etc. He is the perfect embodiment of a neutral good character; for he does his absolute best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others and works with higher beings, like Raiden, but does not feel beholden to them. Kuai Liang is all for doing what is good without bias for or against order.