#please excuse any and all typos/grammatical errors

[princess-geek]

White Peonies (Part II)

Book: Desire & Decorum  

Series: Unspoken Desires (Modern Desire & Decorum AU)  

Summary: Another peek into the past, this time to lift the veil on Mary’s life and three generations of fascinating women of the Howard family. (Parte I here)

Main Pairing: Vincent Foredale x Mary Howard.  

Word Count: +/- 7572 words

Rating: General (but with light mentions to adult/violent situations, sickness and death).  

Notes: 💖English is not my first language. Please, excuse me for any typos /or grammatical errors. 💖Special thanks to @rosesnink for proofreading. 

💖 This is my submission for @choicesficwriterscreations ‘Fics of the week’  

On the previous chapter...

Hurting her finger, Mary snatched the ring and threw it at him. Her hand was bleeding, but what were a few scratches on a finger compared with the abyss that he had opened in her heart? 

Vincent took the ring from the floor. “Mary, my love, please, don’t do this.” 

“Don’t dare to call me that ever again! Get out of my house! Now!”

Vincent did as she had told him. Tears ran down his face as he collected his belongings. She couldn't look at him. 

As soon as he closed the door, Mary collapsed, crying her pain and screaming her fury. 

The young woman lost count of the hours she spent in that dark hole. When Mary came to her senses, she looked out the window and saw that it was a starry night. 

Her whole body hurt. As for her heart, Mary wasn't sure if it was there or not. She felt frozen. With great effort, she dragged herself from the floor to the sofa, covering herself with a blanket forgotten on the floor. It was impossible to return to the same bed where hours before they had worshipped each other and pledged their love. 

Mary didn't know if she had slept or not, but in the morning, she felt desperately hungry, despite not feeling like eating.  She tried to eat a couple of biscuits; however, her stomach didn’t hold them for long. 

At some point in the day, she heard Vincent at her door. He stayed there for hours, begging her to listen to him. Fortunately, a neighbour threatened to call the police if he didn't leave, and Vincent eventually did. This happened repeatedly all week. 

For days, Mary barely moved from the couch. When her tears dried up until the next round, lethargy took over her. 

Around the weekend, Mrs.  Lemay could persuade Mary to open the door. Although she had not read the article on Sunday, articles about the upcoming wedding multiplied in the newspapers over the week. 

She found her friend a wreck. Mrs.  Lemay was not going to allow the young girl to sink into heartbreak. She made Mary have a bath, changed the bedsheets, and cooked her a proper dinner. 

 

“Luckily, there is not a word about you. At least, you will not be publicly persecuted by this shadow forever.” Mrs.  Lemay tried to console her. 

“Screw my reputation.” Mary mumbled between spoons of soup. 

“Vincent was in my office looking for you, desperate for any information about your whereabouts.” 

“Screw him too! He was at my door several times. I am not interested in anything he has to say.” 

Thinking that it might bring Mary some peace, Mrs.  Lemay told her that there were rumours going around that the Foredale were broke and the marriage was purely a business deal, despite the excitement about the engagement in the magazines. 

“She’s a fat cat widow. It’s the tale as old as time: She gives the money, and he gives the title.” Mrs.  Lemay concluded.  

“It's always nice to know I am worth less than a couple of thousand pounds.” 

“If the rumours are true, he is being sold as a horse. It’s a pity.” Mary mumbled something unintelligible. “I know you are hurt and furious, I’d be too.” Mrs.  Lemay continued. “Nevertheless, this is all very odd, Mary. Vincent is in love with you in a way I've seen few people in love with someone. Since that night at St. James's, I have seen nothing in him but devotion to you. He'd rather lose an arm than make a scratch on you. I can't stop thinking there has to be a reasonable explanation for this.” 

“Of course there is. In that case, there are thousands of reasons… in her bank account.” Mary sulked. 

“He was not convinced when I claimed I couldn't help him. I’m sure he will keep trying to reach you, and I think you should give him a chance to explain himself. You might regret it if you don't,” Mrs.  Lemay insisted. 

“He betrayed my trust in him. I think I would rather have caught him in bed with her than this circus. He has been playing with me for months, like I was a doll. I won't be his or anyone else's doll.” Mary was adamant. 

“Anger and pain are not good advisors. You need to clear your head. Why don't you go spend a few days in your hometown? Some days away from London will help you organise your head and heart.” 

“I will not change my mind.” 

“You may not change your mind, but you need to think about what you're going to do from now on. Life doesn't stop just because your heart is broken.” 

Following her advice, Mary decided to spend a few weeks in Grovershire. 

Mrs.  Lemay was right. Leaving London didn't glue the pieces of her heart together. However, focusing on making repairs to her grandparents' cottage and garden made Mary find some serenity in the midst of the chaos. 

That house was full of so many good memories that even sadness gave her some respite. 

While she was cleaning up things in the kitchen, Mary found her grandmother's handmade 'Moka'. It was one of the few things that Elena had brought with her from Italy. 

“I only had three things in my suitcase: an old coat, the 'Moka' and the recipe book that I stole from my mother.” Elena told her granddaughter many times. 

When she was a little girl, Mary fascinatedly watched her grandmother prepare coffee there, as if it were a magical ritual. Her favourite part was sucking on the spoon after Elena added the sugar. 

It was the best coffee in the world, and Mary could still almost taste it. She ran to the grocery store to buy coffee beans. Replicating her grandmother's ritual made her feel really good for the rest of that day. 

Grovershire itself had little changed. Mary missed many familiar faces and came face-to-face with new ones in the neighbourhood. 

The new and old neighbours were curious about her extended stay, and, of course, theories about it soon emerged through the inhabitant’s small talk. To avoid uncomfortable questions, Mary said that her fiancé, Vincent Ford, had died in a car accident, and she was spending some time there to get herself together.  

Although it was a hoax, for her it was not entirely a lie. She really felt that the man she loved had died on that day. 

Right across the street, George Daly, her former classmate and neighbour, had married Pavarti, an Indian girl who had arrived there in their final year of high school. 

They weren't very close at that time, yet Pavarti was the first to go to the cottage to visit her. Although she was in the last trimester of her pregnancy, Pavarti helped in whatever way she could, especially in the garden. 

Between pulling weeds and planting flowers, there was time for long conversations. A deep friendship blossomed between the two young women. Pavarti was the only one who knew the truth about Vincent.  

George spent many days away because of his work, so it was common for them to cook together. One late afternoon, Pavarti was cooking dinner. Mary suddenly left the kitchen, without saying a word. Pavarti found her on the balcony. 

“If you don't feel like my fish curry and chips, just say so, you don’t need to run away from my kitchen. I have some roast lamb from the weekend in the fridge...” 

“I'm sorry, Pavarti, but I think I'll have dinner. I think the tea house's chocolate cake wasn't as fresh as it should have been.” 

“Are you sure it was just the chocolate cake? You barely touched it. In fact, you have barely eaten.” 

“Nerves are bad for my stomach. It has always happened to me since I was little.” 

“How long have you been feeling this way?” 

“I don’t know exactly, maybe for a few weeks now. Not just the stomach. Everything in me has been messed up since...that day.” Mary still had difficulties referring to the topic. 

“Have you considered the possibility of being pregnant?”  Mary looked at Pavarti as if she had uttered the most absurd of statements. Parvati went away for a while and came back with a small box in her hand. “Take it! You can do it here or at home, but the sooner you know, the better.” 

After spending most of the night looking at the little box, Mary did so. After the time stated in the instructions, the result appeared. She was so nervous that it took her some time to understand the meaning of the two lines. 

Becoming a mother was one of Mary’s dreams. They had planned a family. They joked about having a child born in that millennium and the next in the new one. They agreed on almost everything except where they would raise them. London was off the table. 

Now that dream was real, and Vincent wasn't there. And for the first time, she didn't want him there either. 

This was no longer just about her and her broken heart. On the one hand, she was terrified. It was impossible not to think about her mother's case. More than raising a baby alone, Mary was afraid that something would happen and prevent her from taking care of him or her. Unfortunately, the child would not be as lucky as she was. There were no loving grandparents to watch over her. On the other hand, finding out that a child was on the way was an unexpected comfort to her. No matter what twists and turns life had on its sleeve for her, Mary wouldn't be alone anymore. 

The blood tests confirmed her calculations. The baby would be born around November. 

“When will you tell the father the good news?” Pavarti asked her some days later. 

“I will not tell him.” 

“You should, and, deep down, you know you should. Who knows, maybe this is an opportunity for the two of you to find a way...” 

“If our love was not important enough for him to care and come to me and give a decent explanation for what happened, then I don't consider him important enough to be part of the baby's life.” 

“You are the one who didn't want to give him that opportunity!” Pavarti tried to reason with Mary. 

Mary knew she was contradicting herself, but the young woman was irreducible. Her wounded heart and pride only fuelled her stubbornness. “The wedding will be on May 2nd, do you think there is any point in doing or saying anything, Pavarti?” 

Mary told Mrs.  Lemay about her new situation. Although Mary's absence caused her inconvenience and money loss, she was the first to advise the singer to take a break to take care of the baby and herself.  

The music producers were not very happy with the news. Even though without stating it clearly, they implied that if the baby was her priority at the moment, she would lose the 'privileged place she had on their artists’ list'. 

Mary imagined that would happen. A woman with a baby was the eighth plague of Egypt. Now that she was so close, she was going back to square one. 

Baby Briar came into the world on Easter Sunday, keeping her busy while Pavarti recovered from the tough labour. Around that time, the symptoms of the first few weeks gave her a truce, and Mary began to feel better. 

The most difficult thing was the ban on coffee. When she felt like drinking coffee, Mary opened the ground coffee pot and smelled it until it satisfied her craving. 

Days later, when trying to put on her jeans, Mary became aware of her belly for the first time. It wasn't very prominent yet, but it was already noticeable that things were changing. 

By the end of the month, Mary went to London for a few days. With the wedding so close, it would be very unlikely that Vincent would be there. 

She had her first ultrasound. Hearing her baby's heartbeat for the first time made her worries disappear for a few minutes. She would never forget that beat. 

The midwife noticed that Mary was looking worriedly at the white spots that were appearing on the screen. “Don't worry, my dear, the baby is fine. With a little luck, within a few days, we'll be able to find out the baby's gender. Let me guess: You want a boy, and the father wants a girl.” She smiled. 

Mary pretended she didn't hear the question. The midwife took her hand and placed it on her belly. “You two are already a wonderful family.” 

Her savings wouldn't last forever, so Mary took the opportunity to give some concerts that Mrs.  Lemay had arranged for her. 

Returning to her flat after a concert, Mary found a man in a suit at her door. He was tall, had grey hair and a beard, and had a stern face. She recognised the same shade of blue as Vincent's eyes, but instead of his sweetness, Mary only saw coldness. 

She instinctively covered her belly with her handbag and took a few steps back. Two men grabbed her. 

“Good evening, Mary Howard. I've been looking for you everywhere. I would like to say it's a pleasure to finally meet you, but I hope this is the first and last time we meet.” 

“What do you want from me?” Mary tried to free herself from their arms. 

“Put her inside.” The Earl commanded. 

While one grabbed Mary tightly, the other found the key and opened the door. They dragged her inside and locked the door. She tried to shout, but a hand covered her mouth. 

“I thought that if I saw you with my own eyes, I would understand my son's fascination, but you are not even that pretty.” He mocked, as his eyes roamed her body. Mary noticed that he saw the bump. She felt a shiver run down her spine. “Are you with a child?” He asked. Mary didn't answer him. She could see his fury rising. “It cannot be my son’s!” Mary remained in silence. The Earl slapped her face with such force that if it weren't for the two men holding her, she would have fallen to the ground. “You damned whore, how dare you get pregnant? Wasn't it enough to be a bastard yourself? I can guess what your plan was, but this ends here!” 

For few seconds, Mary could barely hear the insults he spewed from his mouth. Her mouth was still numb from the slap. She felt the taste of blood on her tongue. “My baby will never be a bastard. I will be a mother, a father, and everything my child needs!” She cried. 

“I don't care what you or that creature you are carrying will be. You will disappear from my son’s life forever!”  

“Breaking news, Rupert Foredale: I'm the one who wants my baby to have nothing to do with your family. Unfortunately, I couldn't prevent this child from having your blood. No baby deserves to have a father who is a coward, a cheater, and liar, and much less such a despicable being like you as a grandfather.” 

The Earl was going to slap her again. Luckily, or out of charity, the bodyguards moved her out of the way of his hand. 

“I never trusted people like you. With some luck, the baby isn't even Vincent's. I warned my son several times that he could have fun, but not to be foolish. I should be used to his weaknesses by now. When I was young, I also had a lover who was an artist, a sculptress. She was very skilled with her hands...for everything.” A wicked smile appeared on his lips for a moment. “She was my lover and, I later learned, the lover of every young man in London with any money in his pocket.”  After saying it, Rupert took some papers from inside his coat. “Listen very carefully to what I will say to you, whore: you will sign the papers and disappear from my son's life forever. As I am a good Christian, in return, you will get 10,000 pounds. If you dare to open that mouth of yours about my son or what happened between you, you will rot in jail!” 

Mary spat at the contract. “My dignity is not for sale. And, unlike you, I would never sell a child to pay for my mistakes.” 

She was pushing him to the limit. The Earl was blind with rage. He wasn't used to being defied like that. Rupert tore up the agreement. He took a pistol from his pocket and placed it against Mary's forehead. 

“This was your last chance. If you or your bastard ever try to get close to us, I won't be so benevolent. I will make you botg disappear from the face of the earth even if I have to do it with my own hands.” 

In a matter of seconds, the lights went out, and they dropped Mary on the floor. As quickly as they had appeared, they disappeared into the night. 

Mary couldn't believe what just happened. From what Vincent told her, Mary knew that Earl was not a model of kindness, not even towards his own blood. She didn't expect him to rejoice over the baby; However, not even her greatest fears could imagine such brutality. 

After the shock of the first few minutes, the adrenaline subsided. She was feeling a very intense pain, but she couldn't pinpoint where it was. Her baby. The panic set in. If something had happened to the baby, she would kill the Earl with her own hands. 

Supporting herself against the wall, Mary managed to get up and call Mrs.  Lemay. She didn't care about her bruises. Mary just wanted to hear her baby's heartbeat.  

Mrs. Lemay called for a favour and rushed Mary to a private clinic. She refused to be examined without knowing if the baby was okay first. The doctor assured Mary that the baby was fine, but she only calmed down when he showed her the baby on the monitor. 

He was silent for a few minutes, looking at the small screen. Mary was about to panic again. “What’s wrong, doctor?” 

“Don’t worry, Miss. It's nothing bad. Do you know your baby’s gender?” Mary waved no. “I wasn't going to mention it because I am not absolutely sure. I think you are having a girl.” 

Upon learning that the baby was fine, Mary went into autopilot mode. Besides the bruises, the doctor found out she had a broken rib. After taking care of her, Mrs.  Lemay took the singer to her home. Exhausted, Mary slept for hours. When she awoke, Mrs.  Lemay was waiting for her with a light meal. 

“What happened was a crime, Mary. You should go to the police.” 

“I have no proofs besides my bruises. Who do you think they would believe? An Earl or a pub singer? 

“He is dangerous, Mary, and you confronted him!” Mrs. Lemay insisted. “If he was capable of doing this now, there's no guarantee that he won't do it again... or do something worse.” 

“He's afraid I will look for his son and ruin his marriage with the widow. I believe that as soon as they get married and the Earl sees I didn’t lift a finger, he will forget about me and my daughter.” 

“So, what are you going to do now? London is not safe.” 

“I'm going back to Grovershire and staying there for a while. The Earl doesn't know about my grandparents' house, or he would have gone there. It is far enough from London and from them. I need calm and security for my daughter. Then I will see what my next step will be.” 

“Have you thought about names for the baby?” Mrs.  Lemay asked to change to a happier subject. 

“Beatrice.” Mary smiled, caressing her bump. “Vincent would have liked it too.” She couldn't stop herself from thinking about it. 

“Why don't you ask him in person?” 

“Even if I wanted...which I don’t want...I can’t take that risk now. Even if we survive Rupert Foredale's wrath, you know the fate of the bastard children. My child will not be exiled to a boarding school.” 

Mary did as she said. With the help of Mrs.  Lemay and other friends from work, all of Mary's (few) belongings were loaded into a van the following night. As Vincent's forgotten objects appeared, Mrs.  Lemay discreetly saved them from the trash. She was thinking that perhaps the child would later look for a connection with the father. 

Back in Grovershire, Mary kept as low a profile as possible. Trying to camouflage, she began to introduce herself as ‘Helen’. Those who knew her found it strange. Mary justified her choice, saying she was known in London by that name. She had chosen it as a stage name in honour of her grandmother. 

People thought it was eccentric, but they eventually got used to it. 

Her belly was becoming less and less discreet. Comments on her obvious situation were inevitable, as well as comparisons with her mother's case. The most charitable hearts felt sorry for her situation. Losing her fiancé in a tragic accident and now having a child to take care of... It was a very hard blow from fate. 

The poisonous ones were not so compassionate. Their tongues distilled all kinds of gossip about her: that she was a luxury escort in London (the nastiest said directly prostitute), others that she was the rejected lover of a married man, that the child's father was in prison... Mary knew her truth, yet some days weren't easy with that background buzz. Fortunately, she had the Daly’s on her side. 

She didn't like perpetuating a lie, but it was the best truth she could tell. It would be better for both the child and her. Like her, Beatrice would not suffer for someone she had never met. Following her grandparents' example, Mary would make sure her daughter received so much love that she wouldn't miss a thing. It would protect her from Rupert and more heartbreak. 

The following ultrasounds confirmed that it was a girl and that she was growing strong and healthy. 

Meanwhile, Parvati returned to her work as a seamstress. Mary took care of Briar and in return, Pavarti was sewing her a layette fit for a princess. 

During the day, between helping out at the Dalys' house and preparing her own for the baby's arrival, neither Mary's head nor her heart had time to worry about the past or the future. However, many of the nights were full of nightmares about Rupert; others were sleepless, planning all possible future scenarios. 

On Halloween evening, Mary felt the first contractions. While Pavarti was finishing the hem of a dress, she was playing on the floor with Briar and felt an intense pain that paralysed her. Recognising the signs, Pavarti helped her get up and set her down on the sofa. 

That night was just a warning, but on Tuesday early morning, the contractions came back in force. Mary was terrified of what was happening. What the doctor and the midwife had explained, the books she had read, Pavarti's advice...all of her preparation and plans were gone. 

George and Pavarti drove her to the hospital. 

As the hours passed, the pain increased, becoming intense and almost constant. Despite telling her that she was doing great and that the baby would soon be in her arms, Mary was losing her strength. 

During one of the strongest contractions, for the first time in months, she wished Vincent was there beside her. For a few moments, she was filled with a whirlwind of memories with him. She could almost hear his voice smoothing her. Another strong contraction brought her back to reality. There was no use dwelling on the past. Her daughter was all that mattered now. 

After hours of pain and fear, at nightfall on November 2, 1994, her daughter was born. Hearing the sweet shrill sound of her daughter's cries was a relief. Having Beatrice in her arms for the first time was a new kind of happiness she never thought possible. 

Even though she was ruddy and grumpy like all newborns, in Mary's eyes, Beatrice was the pinnacle of cuteness, with her full cheeks, thick brown hair, and big eyes. 

Around midnight, Beatrice fell asleep in her mother's arms. Exhausted, Mary also fell into a deep sleep.  

A couple of hours later, she woke up with a start, thinking she heard the baby crying. Everything was quiet in the ward, including her daughter. However, the door was ajar. Mary saw a pair of eyes watching them through the crack. “Who is there?” She asked instinctively, placing herself in front of the crib. The pair of eyes disappeared.  

The next morning, after making sure that everything was fine with both of them, the issue of the father inevitably arose. Again, Mary told the best truth she could:  she had met the father at a party, they had spent the night together, and they had never seen each other again. She claimed she didn't know any information about him other than his first name. 

While she was trying to breastfeed Beatrice, a social worker with dubious intentions came to talk to her, asking some questions, pointing out the challenges of being a young single mother and the possibility of giving her baby up for adoption.  

Mary was about to lose patience with her when the Dalys came in to visit them. The couple promptly shooed the nosy woman away. Pavarti helped Mary dress Beatrice and put a small pink bow on her head. Then, George took the first portrait of Beatrice.  

Briar was very curious about the new baby, whimpering if they moved her away from the crib. 

Rocking her daughter by the window, the light illuminated every detail of her features. Mary noticed that Beatrice had a lot of Vincent in her. How she wished she could make Rupert eat his words. 

A couple of days later, mother and daughter were back home. “Welcome home, my love.” Mary kissed her daughter's head. “It may not be Buckingham Palace, but we're going to make it our realm.” 

 As long as she was well fed, Beatrice was (most days) an easy baby. Despite some sleepless nights, the many health scares typical of newborns, and hormone shenanigans, Mary felt like she was in a bubble of happiness. Her daughter's birth had not miraculously healed her heart, but she was the glue that was holding the pieces together. 

As the weeks went by, Beatrice was growing healthy and becoming more active and playful.  

Mary's savings were dwindling at the same rate. 

There weren't many job opportunities there, so Mary had to take a job at a local pub. Since Pavarti worked from home, she took care of the two babies during the day. At the end of the day, Mary helped her friend taking home some simpler pieces of clothing and making small sewing arrangements. She had never felt so grateful for the hours her grandmother forced her to learn how to sew. Despite it, she felt like she could never repay the kindness they showed her. 

The young mother felt exhausted every night, but holding her daughter in her arms, playing with her, smelling her sweet scent, seeing how much she was growing day by day gave Mary the strength to carry one each morning. 

Beatrice never lacked anything necessary, even if that sometimes meant just soup for Mary’s dinner. There were many things she wanted to give her daughter, but she couldn't afford them, even if it might be lacking, Mary made up for it with love. 

-----

The year 1999 began full of hope. Although it wasn't technically the turn of the millennium, there was in the air the excitement of the end of an era, with a world of possibilities knocking on the door. 

Now that the girls were a little older, the Dalys were planning to have another child. Mary was considering changing careers. Her idea was to return to the music world by giving private lessons. 

Unfortunately, in April, a series of attacks shocked the United Kingdom and destroyed the dreams of the young family. George Daly was passing through Brick Lane on his way to meet his last client for the month when a nail bomb exploded. He did not survive his injuries and passed away a couple of days later. 

Parvati was devastated. She cried for the loss of the love of her life and the loss of everything that Briar would not have with her father, even though she was too young to fully understand what had happened. 

Mary knew what a broken heart felt like. However, what Pavarti was suffering was beyond her understanding. Despite the troubled separation, the hurt, the anger, she knew that the love of her life was alive and well. There was always a faint light in her heart, even if her mind denied it.  

Part of her friend had died with him that day. Mary knew it would not be possible to heal that wound. For months, every day, Mary fought the darkness that threatened to swallow Pavarti. She was determined to take care of the parts of her friend that remained, just as Pavarti had done with her. 

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All children grow up too quickly in their parent's eyes, and Mary felt that it was in the blink of an eye that Beatrice went from a baby to a primary school girl. 

Apart from the struggle to get her up from bed in the mornings, some occasional tantrums, and some shenanigans here and there, Mary felt blessed. Beatrice was very curious, eager to learn, always exploring the small world around her and asking many questions, some trivial, some more philosophical.  

Even though she was little more than a child, Mary realised that her daughter had inherited her wit and passion. It gave her some peace of mind. Having a sharp spirit would protect her and help her succeed in whatever path she chose. 

Mary wanted to teach her how to play the piano, but her daughter didn't seem to have the muse of music awake inside her, although Beatrice's voice was naturally in tune. 

Nonetheless, as she grew up, the Vincent features stood out more and more in her, and not just physically. Like her father, Beatrice loved books, always asking to read stories. When an adult couldn’t read to her, she made up her own stories with what she saw in the illustrations and told them to Briar or to her dolls. 

One night, Mary was sitting on her daughter's bed, dog-tired, praying for Beatrice to choose a small book. What was her surprise when her daughter appeared in the bedroom with her copy of 'Pride and Prejudice' in her hands. 

“It's too long for a bedtime story.” 

“I didn't ask you to read me everything at once. I was thinking about one chapter per night.” 

“It's a story for older girls. You're going to find it boring.” 

“How older?” Her inquisitive mode had just turned on.  

That was a good question. Mary used her own example to answer, “Girls who are fourteen or fifteen.” 

“I am five, it’s not that different! Plus, you always choose good stories, so I'm sure it won't be boring. I have seen you read it more than once.” 

“You're going to regret asking me for this. It would be much more fun when you read it by yourself.” In vain, Mary tried to change her mind. She started reading the famous first lines. 

“IT IS A TRUTH universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. 

However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighbourhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered as the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters. 

“My dear Mr. Bennet,” said his lady to him one day, “have you heard that Netherfield Park is let at last?” 

Night after night, chapter after chapter, Beatrice paid close attention to each line. Sometimes the sleep overcame the girl: however, there was use in trying to trick her. She always knew which page they were on before falling asleep. The reading took weeks, which ended up making story time easier for Mary. 

With the Gardiners, they were always on the most intimate terms. Darcy, as well as Elizabeth, really loved them; and they were both ever sensible of the warmest gratitude towards the persons who, by bringing her into Derbyshire, had been the means of uniting them. 

“The end.” She dramatically closed the book. “So, what do you think?” Mary asked. 

“It's a little like fairy tales, but without fairies? Mr Darcy is a little grumpy for Prince Charming. Her aunt fits the evil witch role, though. But I loved it!” As she tucked her in, Beatrice asked, “Do you think there are many Mr Darcys out there?” 

“If you look for yours, you will find him.” 

“How will I know?” 

“You will know it. You will feel it. Your heart will scream it.” 

“Papa was yours?” 

Mary still had difficulty dealing with questions about Vincent. For Beatrice, she had chosen to keep the narrative of the father who died in a car accident days before their wedding day. Despite her inquisitive nature, Beatrice rarely questioned Mary about it. Probably because the girl saw the pain in her eyes when the subject was mentioned. 

She had only asked her once to see a photograph of him. Mary made up the excuse that all his photos had been lost when they moved to Grovershire. She was sad but didn't ask again. 

“All love stories are different. Like Darcy and Lizzie, there were some differences between us, but, unlike her, I think I loved your dad from day one.” 

Mary had only seen him again in person once. They were visiting Mrs.  Lemay in London for a weekend. Walking through Hyde Park, Mrs.  Lemay was further ahead with Beatrice by the hand. Mary had stayed behind, enjoying the rare moment of peace that a mother of a toddler can have. There was a street stall selling ice cream, and she decided to go over to buy some. As she got closer, she saw him. She saw them: Vincent, his wife, an older boy, and a boy a little younger than Beatrice, buying ice cream as well. 

That sight left her breathless and with a piercing pain in her stomach. It was a difficult feeling to explain. It had been a little more than a couple of years, however, while it seemed like the same Vincent, it was as if their past was just a dream or the delirium of a feverish night. 

The youngest son was throwing a tantrum, and Vincent patiently tried to calm him down. He seemed to have become the fantastic father she knew he could be and that she had dreamed of for her and their children. 

Mary turned away and walked forward, quickening her pace. There was no reason for her to torture herself with the past, suffer the present, and tempt fate. Such an encounter would only make things worse. 

----------------------- 

As soon as Beatrice learned to read, Mary got her a library card. If on the one hand this freed her from the daily bedtime story, but on the other, it stirred even more her daughter's eagerness. Mary often had to go to the library to return books that Beatrice stubbornly brought home, despite not being appropriate for her age. 

Every night, Mary had to go back to her room to make her turn off the light and go to sleep. On Friday nights, she knew that her daughter, after being caught in the act, would read another chapter under the blankets by flashlight, however, she decided to pretend that she didn't know about it. 

----------------------- 

February, 2004 

Sitting in the doctor's waiting room, Mary tried to focus on the gossip magazine. Her limbs were heavy and sore from trying to control her nerves. 

It wouldn't be anything serious, Mary repeated to herself. She had always been a healthy lass. She was just an exhausted mother, like many others. Like Pavarti, who had insisted on accompanying her to the appointment. There was a wedding dress to urgently finish, yet there she was. The years did not expunge the loss, but they brought back the light of her best friend. 

Daughters full of energy in Year 5, long hours of work, little sleep, months without a moment for themselves, bills hard to pay alone, the need to start preparing the girls' future... No wonder they were both in shambles. 

At Pavarti's insistence, there she was, fearing the worst, hoping for the best. 

“Helen Howard!” the nurse called. Mary wanted to get up, but her legs didn't allow her to do so for a few seconds. 

After some small talk, the doctor delivered the news in the politest and least dramatic way possible. “The cancer is aggressive, and it’s in an advanced stage. However, you are a woman in the prime.  The sick cells have used your strength to multiply, but that same strength can be used in your favour...” He proceeded to explain the options available in her case. 

Mary feared the suffering caused by the treatments, she feared the doctor's lack of certainty, she feared death... but, above all, she was terrified by the idea of her little girl being alone in the world. 

Leaving the doctor's office, Mary didn't know what to feel or what to think. It was as if she were possessed by a sharp pain, a paralysing numbness, while at the same time she was diving into a bottomless, icy lake. 

Then the anger and frustration came. ‘Why her? Hadn't she suffered enough already?’ 

As the days went by, Mary wasn’t still conformed to the diagnosis, but took control of what was in her hands. 

For Beatrice and a future with her, Mary made her mind up to religiously follow the treatments. Even if she couldn’t escape, any chance of spending more time with her daughter would be worth every discomfort. 

In the following days, Mary's biggest concern was how to tell her about it. Unfortunately, or fortunately, children are very perceptive. So, it didn't take long for Beatrice to ask her mother directly what was happening. 

Mary stopped chopping the vegetables for the soup and took a deep breath. She couldn't break down in front of her daughter. To buy some time, Mary poured two glasses of juice for both of them. After a couple of sips, the first shaky words left his lips.  

“As you know, I had some medical exams. I went to the doctor last week to get the results. I am very ill, my love.” She tried to find gracious words in the English language, but emotions rushed things. “I have ovarian cancer. I am starting treatments next week.” 

Beatrice was silent for a while. Mary could see in her daughter's expressions that she was processing what she had just heard. “But, after it, you're going to be okay, right?” She looked up at Mary with her big, sweet hazel eyes. 

Mary didn't want to lie to her, but she didn't want to be overly optimistic. "I will do my best. The doctors will do their best, and with a little faith everything, will be okay.” 

+++++++ 

Her grandmother got a similar surgery years ago as a preventative measure; therefore, the operation didn't scare her. Mary knew the secret was to get plenty of rest, so as she did, at least, as much as mother can do. 

On the other hand, chemotherapy treatments were knocking her down. Pregnancy nausea was a child's play compared to what she was feeling. After the sessions, Mary felt so weak that she could barely get out of bed for days. When she finally started to feel better, it was time to do another one. 

If it weren't for Beatrice, Mary was sure she couldn’t bear it. 

As soon as her hair began to fall like leaves in autumn, she decided to cut it very short. Mary had always loved and pampered her hair, and her grandmother was to blame. She loved her granddaughter's hair and spent hours doing elaborate hairstyles. Elena Howard used to say, 'Tira più un capello di donna che cento paia di buoi'' (‘one hair of woman pulls more than a hundred pairs of oxen’). Mary only many years later understood the full meaning of these words. 

However, more than her hurt vanity, seeing Beatrice cry when she faced her like that for the first time was much more painful. 

Since Mary couldn’t afford a decent wig, she chose to wear headscarves. Parvati, using all the scraps of beautiful fabrics, sewed her headscarves in all patterns and colours. 

+++++++ 

Despite all the ups and downs, Mary was enjoying that summer. 

One more time in her life, she has a lot to be thankful for Parvati. Her friend was being tireless with her, spending the most critical nights close to her, preparing meals, taking care of Beatrice, driving her to and from the hospital... Mary knew she could never repay her, so she prayed that life would reward her with the same kindness. 

Thanks to Pavarti's generosity, Mary was able to dedicate what little energy she had to her little girl, keeping these precious moments in her heart.  

Beatrice spoiled her as best she could, with little gifts and affection. She was always ready to help, no matter the task. It filled Mary's heart with pride. Her daughter's love was what kept her standing. 

The fear of the future often made her think about Vincent. She was sure that Pavarti would look out for her daughter, however, if the worst happened, at least Beatrice would have someone else to turn to. 

Rupert had died a few years earlier, so he was no longer a threat. The years and the paths taken changed both of them, but Mary believed that his heart had not changed. 

She was convinced that when he found out about Beatrice, Vincent would not excuse himself from his obligations. She also didn't doubt that, as time went by, they would love each other very much. 

So, Mary started making arrangements. Since she didn't want there to be any doubt about her daughter's paternity, she took a sample of Beatrice's hair for them to analyse. 

Along with the samples and some photographs, Mary enclosed a letter from her to Vincent in an envelope. It took days, crumpled papers, and many tears to write that letter. Later, she would just need to instruct Pavarti on how to get that to Vincent. 

At the end of September, hope fell away with the leaves. Despite the treatments, the new exams showed that it had spread to other parts of the body. The doctor was almost as dejected as she was. 

“Just tell me how long I have.” Mary asked through tears. 

“I can't give guarantees about anyone's life, Miss Howard. Sometimes there are real miracles in the human body.” The doctor tried to comfort her. 

“I prefer the truth, doctor. Please.” 

“A couple of months, no more than Christmas.” 

“Will it be painful?” 

“There are several ways to make that period smoother, if that's your wish.” 

“Having to go is bad enough, don’t you think?” 

Back home, Mary didn't have the courage to face her daughter. Parvati took Beatrice home for an impromptu sleepover party. 

When the girls fell asleep, Pavarti sneaked over to the Howards' house. It would be a very difficult night for Mary. 

After many cups of tea and many more tears, Mary resolved, “This will take me to my grave, but I won't let it take away the shreds of happiness. My daughter and I deserve better than spending our final weeks in misery.” 

From that moment on, Mary focused on enjoying every minute with her girl, the epitome of her happiness. 

“When are you going to tell her?” Pavarti asked. 

“I do not know how, but not for now. When I feel it's closer. I don't want her to cry before the time.” 

*November 2004*

Giggles were filling the air. Two little girls were playing tag, running around carefree. 

Mary was sitting in her small garden, feeling severe pains, in spite of the medications. She held a mug of strong coffee in her hands, one of the few things that gave her energy. 

The autumn sun in her bones was her only comfort. That and seeing her daughter happy. 

Taking small, warm sips, Mary reflected on the past thirty years. So much had happened! In her short life there were adventures that would fill a lifetime. Losses along the way, setbacks, broken dreams...but also good friends, many happy days...and, best of all, Beatrice. Mary would go all the way again for the opportunity to share her life with Beatrice. 

She was already missing what wasn't going to live with her. Beatrice looks at her and smiles. She is missing two teeth that fell out the other day. Mary knows she won't see her new teeth, yet she smiles back. 

‘How do we prepare a child for our death, Pavarti?' Mary asked her friend, who was sitting next to her.  

@jeanele ❣  @missameliep ​  ❣   @regencylady1810 ​ ❣  @i-put-the-sin-in-sinclaire  ❣ @whenyourheartskipsabeat ❣ @xjustin-ethansgirliex  ❣ @rosesnink ❣  @gardeningourmet❣ @paisleylovergirl  ❣ @dailydoseofchoices  ❣  @rhyssescups ❣   @lorircreates  ❣  @lorirwritesfanfic ❣ @walkerduchess  ❣ @indiacater ❣ @kinkypot ❣ @ezekielbhandarivalleros ❣ @anotherbeingsworld ❣ @hellooliviaolivia ❣ @pixel-writer19  ❣ @sinclaire-ity  ❣ @marlcasters ❣ @bhartigat81 ❣ @lyannacyrill706 ❣ @daddytyrilstarfury  ❣ @secretaryunpaid ❣ @allisonreilynn ❣ @fauxleaves ❣ @twinkleallnight ❣ @kingliam2019 ❣ @iloveethanramsey ❣ @surewhyynot ❣ @yvettegolx  ❣ @itlivesinpixelberry ❣  @chutchoices ❣ @electroniccreatorwerewolf  ❣ @spookycolorpeanut  ❣ @peonierose ❣ @quixoticdreamer16   ❣ @lilyoffandoms   ❣ @tessa-liam ❣ @storyofmychoices ❣ @dutifullynuttywitch ❣ @ladylamrian

[neilabramjostcns]

april • she/her • intp • 17 • indian • bi • multifandom mess • bollywood enthusiast • @goosecoven member

Free Palestine 🇵🇸

other accounts: goodreads | airbuds | ao3 | twitter

i don't do chain asks anymore, so please don't send them <3

currently watching: the mentalist

currently reading: the poppy war by rf kuang

if we're close, you can dm me for my personal insta <3

prev urls: isnt-it-delicate15 -> timelessstv -> gxldrushh -> lovestrucklovelorn -> rachellelizabethhdare -> gethimbackpdf -> rosaadiazs -> bedchemmp3 -> liaazhang -> sadiewen

artists I love

taylor swift • olivia rodrigo • sabrina carpenter • conan gray • halsey • gracie abrams • maisie peters • arctic monkeys • chappell roan and most importantly - random bollywood songs

movies

pride and prejudice (2005) • mean girls (2004) • the star wars films • legally blonde • 10 things I hate about you • how to lose a guy in 10 days • 27 dresses • little women (2019) • into the spiderverse and across the spiderverse • the school for good and evil • bollywood films like yeh jawani hain deewani, jab we met, dil dhadakne do, 3 idiots, zindagi na milegi dobara, kal ho na ho etc etc

tv shows

friends • brooklyn nine nine • modern family • how i met your mother • the good place • parks and recreation • a series of unfortunate events • never have I ever • julie and the phantoms • 911 • xo kitty • grey's anatomy • alice in borderland • squid game • gossip girl

books

keeper of the lost cities • the pandava quintet • riordanverse • grishaverse • the land of stories • hunger games trilogy • a good girl's guide to murder • the seven husbands of evelyn hugo • the inheritance games • the lunar chronicles • lockwood and co • daisy jones and the six • pride and prejudice • emma • the naturals • five survive • the reappearance of rachel price • the one of us is lying trilogy • the school for good and evil • I hope this doesn't find you • this time it's real • if you could see the sun • a song to drown rivers • us in ruins • little thieves • the charlotte holmes series • caraval and ouabh • all for the game

• recovering swiftie

• dividers by @cafekitsune !!

• you're welcome to send asks and interact :D DMs are always open as well!!

• feel free to tag me in any post you think id like! (bonus points if its related to cats)

• I tend to swear sometimes (its all the time tbh)

• DNI : basic dni criteria - creeps, racist, homophobes, transphobes, zionists, jkr supporters etc

• I do not like colleen hoover. at all. and yes I will always complain about her shitty books.

• I make a lot of typos and it's up to you to decipher them <3

• my biggest flex is that my birthday is on world book day <3

• english isn't my first language so please excuse me if I make any grammatical errors!!

[donniehere]

just found out that beomgyu’s a huge fan of headpats, so I decided to treat you with this short wholesome one-shot.

as this is my first post, please take notice that english isn’t my native language, so any corrections of grammatical errors or typos are appreciated.

HEADPATS

bf!beomgyu x f!reader

genre: fluff.

warnings: none!

description: when the usual hyperactive beomgyu returns upset from a concert, and won’t tell you what happened until he receives his headpats.

having a popular idol as your boyfriend wasn’t an easy task, especially in your position. having to deal with fans and the staff that hasn’t found out about your relationship. but beomgyu, being the supportive boyfriend he was, stood behind you through all of the path. whether it was dealing with rumours or throwing good words on your name infront of staff.

the only ones aware of your relationship, were beomgyu’s members, who supported you throughout the entire way and promised to keep your relationship a secret from the others. you truly did cherish them for doing so.

tours would always end up with you disappearing from yours and your co-workers’ hotel room in the middle of the night. and when they questioned you about it, you always excused you went out on a walk to catch a breath, when you were actually sleeping under beomgyu’s sheets.

just as described, you were currently awaiting your boyfriend’s return from the concert. he sent you a quick message informing you that they were on their way back to the hotel. you were sat on the expensive couch in his hotel room, jumping when you heard the door open. “gyu!” you exclaimed excitedly, jumping off the couch to greet the boy.

the moment you had a full sight of his face, you noticed the slumped pout on his lips. “hey.” his usual enthusiastic tone has changed upside-down, which only added to his bizarre behaviour.

the second your arms engulfed his body into a warm embrace, his weight leaned on to you, and his head found itself on your shoulder. “woah, what’s gotten into you?” you stumbled back due to his additional weight, your body barely capable of carrying his body.

you stood against the wall to prevent yourself from falling backwards. your hand briefly brushed against his head, fingers like feathers in his hair. “I’ll run you a warm bath, alright? get ready in the meanwhile.”

soon after, beomgyu joined you on the hotel bed, eyes glued onto your form. “well, mind telling me what’s the grumpy behaviour all about?” you question.

“no.” he shook his head and his honey eyes averted downwards.

you frowned. “gyuu, cmon, don’t be stubborn. you know im here to solve any of your problems.” you assure him. you wanted to make sure that he acknowledges your efforts in the relationship too. you wanted to confirm he knows you’re here.

beomgyu exhaled and shook his head in denial, or at least what you thought was denial. you slowly began to overthink your last days together with the male. have you done anything to upset him?

you raised your arm and slotted the palm of your hand against his squishy cheek, caressing it gently. “was it a brainless fan? or perhaps you believe you’ve failed a move?” you question.

“no. no.” he blabbered and shook his head once again.

your concern began mixing with disappointment. you mustn’t force it out of him, of course. but you believed he trusted you just as much as you trusted him. negative thoughts rushed to flood your mind.

is it because you hadn’t shown your face at the latest concert? is it because you hadnt been backstage? or perhaps it’s because you haven’t been showing the presence of an actual girlfriend.

you only know seemed to realize, you never attempted clearing out rumours about your relationship. it was always beomgyu. you felt your chest tightening with the sensation of salty tears begging to escape your eyes.

“beomgyu,” uneasiness was evident in your voice, proved by the calling of his full name, which you often used under serious circumstances. “have i done anything that dissatisfied you?” your voice stuttered.

you lowered your hand from his face, watching as his face scrunched at the lack of warmth. “beomgyu, please tell me, the both of us should try solving it—“

“are you oblivious?” beomgyu muttered in a barely audible voice. your eyes searched for his hidden orbs, curious to find out his intentions. his hand grasped your wrist and brought your hand up to his head, fingers brushing through his brown locks.

“huh?” you hummed, perplexed. “b-beomgyu, what is this supposed to mean?” your words have unwillingly stumbled, causing you to mentally curse yourself.

a breath you didn’t know you were holding escaped at the sight of beomgyu’s lips tugging upwards into a gummy smile. beomgyu began moving your hand with his, a pleasured expression was visible on his handsome features.

his head leaned closer until it limped onto your shoulder, his strands tickling your sensitive skin. even the noun confusion wasn’t enough to describe your emotions as your mouth was left agape.

somewhat enjoying the warmth his body emitted and the weight pressing onto your form, you chuckled lightly. “are headpats all you sought?” you asked him. he abandoned his grip on your hand, and you willingly continued to brush your fingers through his soft hair.

“kind of,” you heard a giggle escaping his wide-open lips, clearly satisfied by the sensation of your fingers’ feathery touch against his scalp. “well, there might be on more thing.”

by instinct, your posture straightened and the strength in your hand muscle was drained before you halted your movements, earning a whine from him. “gyu, don’t play with me.” you demanded.

you almost gave in to his teasings due to his adorable grin. he interlocked his fingers with you and lifted your hand, placing light kisses against your knuckles in an affectionate manner. was this his way of apologizing? you assumed so.

“fine, fine.” he chuckled. he once again, rested your hand on top of his hair and signaled you to stroke it. “but you know, I kind of missed you.”

——

the next morning, yeonjun came rushing into beomgyu’s hotel room, already planning to scold him due to causing the entire group to be late. but the moment he entered, his eyes landed on the sight of the both of you snuggled into eachother. a smile curled into his lips, and decided to let you rest for at least another couple minutes.

[generic-whumperz]

Bullshit & Masterlist(s)

THIS BLOG CONTAINS ADULT (NSFW) & EXPLICIT CONTENT, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED! 

(This ain’t a daycare, minors kick rocks)

/Bring tha motherfuckin’ ruckus/

Site in the works!

Side blogs:

•@generic-throw-away-blog (random bs) •@generic-writing-tips (exactly as it sounds) •@generic-horror-slut (for just straight up horror and gore)

•(@generic-whumper is my old nuked account)

The Aid Masterlist

(WIP on hold for major revisions & world-building lore, 18+)

Apocamerica AU

(Infected cannibals—zombies on steroids, dystopian post-apocalypse, cults, regimes, industrialized slavery, & supernatural people)

Asks & DMs open, tag game friendly

Blog est. Aug 2023—I started this as a “whump blog” (duh, hence the name) on a whim after learning of the community thanks to some Hannibal posts, but it’s since mutated into something more horror-adjacent to match my true tastes. That said, torturing boys and men is still the centerpiece—just with a hell of a lot more teeth and quadruple the antagonists. Pain is the name of the game, bay-bee.

Fun facts to share with the class:

28, Leo sun//Aquarius moon//Capricorn rising (if your into that sorta thang), INTJ-A

Absurdist combating daily bouts of nihilism 

Descendent of a famous local ghost 

#1 fan of traffic circles

Sleep paralysis survivor

Plant-based hoe

Trekie 🖖 (TNG & DS9 till I die)

House plant addict, my monsteras are huge ;)

Dog parent to two lil’ shits (I love them)

Dyslexic bitch & clown—please excuse typos, misspellings, and any grammatical errors! I re-read and edit as best as I can, but my brain be playin’ tricks on me, and shit falls through the cracks! Just manage your expectations is all I’m sayin’, I’m not a professional and this is for fun.

Lover of cryptids (Mothman fucks), paranormal enthusiast and certified Haunted™️ (see descendent of a fucking ghost). Weird shit WILL leak into my writing eventually. Don’t be surprised if a disembodied voice makes a cameo. It’s more fun this way, just go with the flow. Is it literal or metaphorical for aspects of the human condition? Who’s to say?

I’m currently… taking a semester off cause wtf this shit is expensive, maybe I’m dropping out for the 6th time?! But still, any written works I choose to share will not be uploaded on a set schedule (I write slow, my brain only occasionally works, & yada-yada), I apologize in advance!    

I run a queue—and nah I won’t tag it.

Irl I’m a (professional—feels corny to say) stained glass artist

Other Story Stuff & Random Things:

Subject X: BB217 Intro (on hiatus)

This will be worked into the larger Apocamerica framework

[sheonvinyl]

the snl standby line ~experience~

um. wow.....

so i’m making this post mostly for myself and to have a documentation of these memories while its all still pretty fresh in my brain, but i figured i would share it on here too just in case anyone wanted to read it or chat about it all w me. (side note: if u were in the line too PLS hit me up we MUST discuss)

basically, long story short is my friend and i slept on the streets of nyc for three nights in below freezing degree weather, got standby tickets for the live show and were able to get in......like i was THERE. for the snl LIVE taping. 

feel free to keep reading below the break if you want an extremely detailed description of the whole ordeal and my personal experience that no one asked for dsjkhfksdjh

to be frank our journey did not start out as we had originally planned lmao. when harry announced that he was doing double duty my friend and i immediately were like. let’s start planning bc we’re 100% going. that resulted in a lot of amazon prime orders and reading up on blogs about tips and tricks in order to plan. we were trying to gauge how far in advance we were going to have to get in line in order to have a good chance. we got a lot of our info from a twitter account/blog run by these three women who have been to every show this season and been in the standby line every week so we trusted their advice. they have been so many times that they apparently have a relationship with the security ppl and are in contact with them. and obviously since it was harry this week, there was a lot more buzz about it and higher stakes of actually getting a ticket. people had been tweeting about lining up on MONDAY in order to be in the front of the line. this account reached out to people and nbc and said that security didn’t want anyone lining up before thursday and if people did, they would be asked to leave and not allowed to get back in line again. finding this out made us panic a bit bc we didn’t want to get thrown out for breaking the rules or anything like that. we originally decided to finish up our days at our internships on wednesday, head back to our apartment, gather up all our supplies and head to 30 roc around 10 so that we could be ready to get in line at midnight aka when it would officially be thursday. 

however, when i woke up wedensday morning amidst all the news about harry’s tour dates etc. there was an update that there were ~20ish people in line already. and that set us into a panic. we were confused if they were going to be thrown out or not bc they lined up before thursday, but periodically as we checked throughout the day security didn’t seem to be doing anything about it. so we made the decision to get to the line as quickly as possible after work. not sure i’ve ever moved faster in my life than i did when i got home and immediately threw anything i thought would be remotely useful into my duffle bag. the state of my room right now? despicable.

we make it to the line a little bit after 8 pm and after an initial assessment, we were around #70-80 in line. and based on that, we decided to stay and set up camp bc we thought our chances were pretty good. (for reference: when the standby tickets were handed out on saturday morning, we were 86th and 87th in line so the number definitely fluctuated based on when people counted us and people maybe being in the bathroom during the count etc.)

everyone around us in line was super super super nice and the ppl we met thru it will def be homies for life. we went through too much together not to be bonded for life ksjdhfksdh. shout out to aisha @teafull​ specifically !!!! we really did that luv......miss u and kristina already babes xoxoxox

wednesday night was definitely the worst sleeping-wise. our set up originally was a waterproof tarp on the ground and then a yoga mat that my friend used as a bed and then our two camping chairs next to the yoga mat. for the first night, i slept in the camping chairs using one to sit in and having my legs propped up on the other one. we each had two blankets and were wearing more layers than i could ever count. we bought a shitton of feet warmers, toe warmers and hand warmers in preparation, but we didn’t really get the hang of using them until the second and third night lol. i woke up probably every hour and a half on wednesday night bc i was either uncomfortable or just so unbearably cold. every time i woke up i made sure to move my toes around bc i was so paranoid i was going to get frostbite lmao. 

thursday was better. we actually got the hang of the hand and feet warmers!! we figured out that if we were wearing shoes they didn’t really work because they were being suffocated and they needed to be in open air to work properly. they worked exponentially better if we didn't wear shoes bc they were exposed to the cold air and heated up really well so that’s a useful piece of information out of this i guess?? sdjhkds. at this point i think there were about 150 people in line. the line wrapped from the back of the nbc building on 6th ave/avenue of the americas around to w 48th street as far as the nintendo store which ends right at the today show plaza (and it got even longer over the next two days). 

one of the worst things about the whole experience would probably have to be the incessant comments from passerbys on the street. they would look at us and speak about us as if we weren’t there. they would also film or take photos of us in the LEAST discreet ways possible which was very irritating. and made me feel like a literal zoo animal on display. i heard comments like “they know the show is on SATURDAY right?”, “they’re doing all of this for that one guy from one direction?”, “do your parents know you’re doing this?”, “you’ve got to be kidding me”, “they’re going to freeze to death for not even a guaranteed ticket to see this guy” and by far the absolute worst one and most offensive thing i heard, “they’re like the modern day homeless”. i could go on a whole separate tangent about this because it makes me so FUCKING angry, but i was very close to confronting some people because of the impeccably inconsiderate, insensitive and blatantly classist comments people were making straight to our faces. additionally some people in line were being harassed by people from radio stations (or people posing as employees of radio stations) that clearly had the agenda of making it seem like fans of harry are dumb and unaware of world issues etc. you can read a more well-written and detailed account about it all on aj’s blog here. but i’ll reiterate that they definitely chose the wrong group to mess with!! the issue was dealt with in record time and i’m proud of and thankful for all the people who stood up to that asshole and put him in his place. he deserved it.

i slept the best on thursday night into friday. probably because i finally had the common sense to buy GLOVES (someone lmk why i thought it was okay to come without them ??? ) as well as buy an extra blanket at a barnes and noble nearby. one of my roommates was also kind enough to bring me her yoga mat and two extra pairs of pants to add to my layers. those two extra layers 100% made a difference. not much happened in the line on friday besides a little bit of drama between a couple of girls at the front of the line who apparently left for 10+ hours that day and (to my knowledge) weren’t kicked out of the line. i don’t want to speak too much on it because i wasn’t directly involved in any of it and only heard it by word of mouth. however, i will say i think there was definitely some suspicious activity from some people that were in line who were for example, using lawn chairs (which are specifically prohibited on the snl webpage) and abusing their break times. 

at 7 pm on friday, the line was shifted so that the beginning of it started at the doors to the nbc studio. i think they do this mainly so that the pages who hand out the standby tickets have easier access to the line? but i’m not positive. our new area was now on 6th ave, smack dab in front of the rear end of 30 roc, basically where the line had originally started. with the amount of people in line (probably around 200 or so at this point on friday) it STILL wrapped around to west 48th even after the shift. and then not even 20 minutes after they moved us was when snl interns came down with CARTS of slices of WATERMELON and CHERRIES !!!!!!! when i tell you i lost it.....

i didn’t get a good picture of the cherries but you get the idea. one of the interns giving us info about what was going on said that harry “was very specific about giving you guys cherries and watermelon” sjkdfhksdjh. and because of his previous behavior w the kiwis i was like....well he’s not playing watermelon sugar then we’re just going to have to prepare for something else. and let me tell you, i have never been more happy to be wrong in my entire LIFE. 

additionally, a couple of men, who i believe worked for snl or nbc, came around with carts of soup for all of us. they didn't confirm or deny that harry sent them (which makes me think he probably didn’t), but the two options were either chicken and sausage or split pea. yes, that’s correct. SPLIT. PEA. when they told me that, i shrieked in their faces, “YOU’VE GOT TO BE JOKING” and they just looked at me so weirdly and go, “......no? like which one do you want......” skdjhfkjsdh. they definitely thought i was absolutely off my rocker (which i certainly was, but that’s besides the point). i’m pescatarian so i chose split pea, and if there’s one thing to know about me it’s that i absolutely ABHOR peas, but i ate it anyway. i had to use all of the oyster crackers as well as some pretzel crisps that i brought with me as a snack in order to make it bearable LMAO. however, regardless of if harry sent it himself, it was a really nice gesture and i’m thankful that they were kind enough to provide us with some food. the snl staff also sent down hot chocolate and coffee and pizza over the course of the three days which was very much appreciated as well!

we were a lot less separated in our new spot on 6th ave so everyone in line was able to hang out with each other a lot more which as really fun!! a girl near us had brought cards against humanity and a group of 7 of us played for what felt like over an hour or so which was really good time. aisha won and no, i am not salty about it at all !!!!!1!1!11!11!!!! 

it was really difficult to sleep that night as well because we were on a much busier road with a lot more lights. it also felt colder and windier despite windscreens that staff put up around our barricades (see the poor quality pic of my friend and i with one of them below LOL). i think everyone was really on edge for the next morning so i’m sure that didn’t help with sleeping either. we settled down to go to bed a little past midnight and i woke up at least three times throughout the night to readjust my blankets and sleeping position or check the time.

finally saturday morning came. my friend had to shake me awake at 6:30 am bc i was finally able to doze off again, but the panic in me immediately activated and i was UP and ready to go. we still hadn't come to a full decision on if we were going to choose dress rehearsal or live yet so we were definitely on edge. we basically wanted to wait until the pages came to us and ask them how many people chose live vs. dress so that we could choose the show we were more likely to get into. however, deep inside i know that we both desperately wanted tickets to the live show. we had been keeping track of other people who were farther up in the line via their socials and seeing what they were choosing too. surprisingly (at least to me), a lot of people ahead of us decided to choose dress rehearsal rather than live. in theory, it makes sense because you’d hopefully get to see more sketches that might get cut for time as well as “spend more time” w harry. my friend and i (who is probably the biggest snl fan on the planet, no lie) would’ve been happy with either, but we both definitely wanted to witness the show that everyone else was going to watch on tv. 

when the pages got to us we found out that it was basically split 50/50. an equal amount of people decided to do live vs. dress. for either show we chose, we would’ve been in the 40s for our standby ticket number. and because of that, we decided to SEND IT and sign up for tickets for the live show (and partly because all our friends in line were also sending it w the live show too!!!). we were tickets #41 and #42 and we honestly felt really really good about it, but we didn’t want to discuss it too much or get our hopes up in the event that it didn’t end up working out. 

after that, the actual standby line experience was basically over. we IMMEDIATELY grabbed all our stuff and ubered back to our apartment. our roommates were already up and they greeted us with lights up blasting through our alexa akjhfkdfh. saturday was also conveniently my university’s homecoming weekend, and as seniors in college, my friend and i felt that it was important for us to go. i won’t go into too much detail about it bc that’s not really the point of this whole post, but my friend and i REALLY had ourselves a DAY on saturday. i actually don’t know how we pulled this off. we ended up showering for probably 40 minutes each to scrub the grime off our body and then day drank from 11:30 to maybe 5 pm........like??? whomst???? luckily, i was able to squeeze in a nap before we had to start getting ready for check in at 10 pm back at 30 roc, but i was 110% hungover when i woke up. 

we got to 30 roc at around 9:30 and were told to go to the nbc store to check in. from there they cross-checked the name on your ID and name on your ticket and then lined you up in order based on your ticket number. i don’t think i realized how many people actually ended up lining up for the standby line until we were there....people had ticket numbers all the way up #267 or something. that’s CRAZY!! after a bit of waiting (maybe half an hour?) a security guy came out and told us that they were going to starting bringing the group up into the corridor and get the process moving. he made it clear that this wasn’t a guarantee to get in. the first 40 were taken and then after about 5 minutes they sent probably the next 40 or so (including us in the front of that second group). from there, we did a security check and waited in the hallway outside the peacock lounge (anyone who’s been to a taping of snl, jimmy fallon or seth meyers might know what i’m talking about). while waiting there we saw a few people trickle in and go through a security check as well. those people included zoey deutch (!!!!!!) - who was rocking this INSANE red plaid suit combo as well as the cutest bob i’ve ever seen - as well as GLENNE aka jeff’s wife who was also serving looks™️ with her outfit. 

security then moved us farther down the hallway closer to the elevators and this is where we all started getting really nervous. i had no concept of time bc my phone was running out of battery and i turned it off bc i was paranoid if they saw it they would ask me to leave skdjhfs. it was only a matter of minutes before we knew if we were going to make it in or not. the staff had us line up two by two and kept counting and recounting us. then one of them grabbed a stack of wristbands and counted us one last time before he stopped at ticket #30 and said “congratulations all of you have a seat in the show”. the energy in the room was SO CHARGED. he was handing out their tickets and was urging them to put them on as quickly as possible and then they were ushered into the elevators. side note: there’s rumors that lorne michaels (creator and head of snl) reserves 30 seats specifically for the standby line. so that might be why he originally stopped at ticket #30.

my friend and i were holding each others hands as if our lives depended on it bc it was really make it or break it at this point. a couple minutes later he goes down the line again while counting us and stops after maybe 15-20 people behind us and again goes “congratulations, you have a seat in the show”. my legs literally almost gave out. my friend couldn’t speak to me bc she was trying so hard to hold in her sobs. i had to put on her wristband for her bc her hands were shaking so much LMAO. they quickly usher us into the elevator and as soon as the doors close all of us in the elevator start screaming and cheering bc WE MADE IT!!! but we quickly quiet down because we had been told beforehand that if we were excessively screaming during the show that we would be removed. i’m pretty sure that during dress rehearsal the staff said someone was shouting distracting comments at harry during the pauses and they were kicked out. someone else was also kicked out for drinking which......blows my mind. but anyway.

when they elevator doors open we are ushered SO FAST into the studio and into seats. i almost got split up from my friend bc the page tried to sit me in a single seat and i was like “no no no, i’m with her”. luckily they were able to sit us together on the back wall of the section that was facing front. they weren’t actual seats, but rather a large cushioned bench. most of our standby line peeps were sat in the right-most section of the studio which was sad that we couldn’t sit next to everyone, but also glad that my friend and i were sat together. 

the taping started no more than 10 minutes after we got there. it all happened so quick and i don’t think i’ve really fully processed everything that happened. i won’t talk too much about the sketches because you can all just watch them yourself but i’ll talk a little bit about some of the behind the scenes things that we witnessed. 

1. the way in which harry RAN between scenes and sketches was INSANE sdkfjhsdkjfh. right after the monologue he basically LUNGED off stage. a staff member (i think its a woman who does wigs for the snl cast) was moving so fast past the main stage after the cameras cut that from what i saw, the way harry had moved so quickly made her TRIP and harry IMMEDIATELY scooped her up basically DRAGGED her backstage skjdfhksjdhfdjkshk. it all happened so fast i still can’t tell if i imagined it happening or not but it was crazy. either way, harry was on the MOVE. 

2. one of my fav sketches by far was the lamaze class one. harry did SUCH A GOOD JOB SFKHSKJDHFSD especially w the accent????? (he actually did so many accents throughout the show i’m so proud of him). he broke a little bit during the lamaze one but as far as i remember that’s the only time he broke?? which??? that’s honestly impressive, especially for the sketches/jokes they were doing (don’t even get me started on the Sara Lee sketch....). also i wasn’t openly jealous of heidi gardiner because of how harry was holding her and caressing her but i was jealous. i will not speak more on this topic.

3. the slow/ballad version of lights up.............BREATHTAKING. there was not a sound in that studio literally everyone was so mesmerized by it. it was honestly gorgeously performed and the back up vocalists did SUCH and amazing job!! the music stage wasn’t really near us but we still had a good view of harry himself and THAT OUTFIT. it was......chefs kiss.

4. when the ballerina photos came up on the screen there was an audible GASP that ran through the audience. i shrieked. i almost grabbed the woman’s hand whom was sitting next to me and i did not know. that is all. 

5. WATERMELON SUGAR !!!!!!?!?!?!??!?!!!!!!!! y’all. have i got a story for you. when the drums hit right before the first “high” my friend and i went FERAL. we were on the edges of our seat the WHOLE song. i had such the urge to stand up and dance but we couldn’t out of fear of getting kicked out ksjhdfkjhs. the entire song we had our hands in the air grooving to it, i was flailing my limbs as MUCH AS I POSSIBLY COULD to jam out to it. additionally, if you watch the performance back you can actually see that harry’s hands are shaking and he’s fiddling with his soundbox on his back during the beginning of the song. we’re pretty sure that his earpiece wasn’t working so he was freaking out a bit. he started to dance a little, but you can kind of tell that he was a bit stiff, maybe because of nerves. then at one point, he looks to someone off stage to his right and he smiles at them and laughs a bit to himself. after that, he starts looking around at the audience up above and there are times that harry looks over to his left EXACTLY in the direction of where my friend and i were sitting/dancing. my friend who has literally ANALYZED this performance from watching it so many times claims that 2:15 is the exact moment that he looks over sees us flailing our entire bodies. and right after he looks over is when he really starts moving and grooving himself and appearing to look a bit more comfortable. while we don’t know FOR SURE if he really did see us or started dancing bc he saw us jamming out, i do want to mention that we were literally the ONLY people in the studio moving like that. we were in the back corner by the sound guy and one of the exits and sitting next to a middle aged married couple who were looking at us like we were certifiably crazy. we had a view of almost everyone in the audience because we were in the last row and as far as we could tell, we were the only ones that were jamming out as hard as we were. so take with that what you will. but from this time forward, i will go on with my life believing that my uncontrollable bodily reactions to hearing watermelon sugar LIVE perhaps made dear harold feel a little less nervous and more comfortable to do his thang :-)))))

i don’t think i’ve clapped harder for anything in my life than i did when he finished performing watermelon sugar and when he signed off the show. i teared up watching him go around to his band and all the cast members giving them the BIGGEST hugs. you can clearly tell that every single person on that cast had the best time with him this week. heidi and cecily both mentioned in their instagram posts about how agreeable he was to everything and how he has to come back to host again. it was clear that he had SUCH a fun experience and he did SO WELL!!!!! i have no doubt in my mind that he is going to host (or do double duty) again at some point in the future. so to those who were in the standby line and didn’t make it in to the taping for live or dress, don’t lose faith. there will for SURE be another opportunity to do this whole thing again. i am so so proud of everyone who was brave enough to face the elements for even a chance to get a standby ticket over these past couple days. you’re all so strong and such warriors. this is certainly not the last time he’ll be doing this. 

as grueling and testing as the whole camping out on the streets and standby ticket experience was, i would do it all over again in a heartbeat. i’m a senior in college and was privileged enough to be able to skip some classes and call out of work in order to do this. i figured that this time in my life is probably one of the only chances where i’ll be able to actually drop everything and sleep on the streets for three days to see one of my favorite people in the world. and in the end, it was all worth it. i couldn’t be prouder of harry and what an amazing job he did last night. this journey is something that i will cherish forever (and will definitely be telling my kids about in the future).

feel free to message me or drop in my inbox if you have questions or want to come chat about it all ! thanks to anyone who actually had the patience to read this whole thing. i’m so sorry for how unbearably long this was dkjfhsdkjhsdk. much love to you all. treat people with kindness :-)

[flowerisevil]

Hiii can I send in a request for daemon? Maybe him and the reader having a fight and he says something hurtful in the heat of the moment and makes reader accidentally cry? He feels super sad and tries to make it up to her? With a happy ending please :)

Unblessed| reader x Daemon Targaryen.

a/n: hope you like it, english is not my first language or expect for grammatical errors and also typos, i made a bit twist another reminder that I may not be able to answer all of your requests sorry.

part two

trigger warning: domestic abuse

It's been a year since you have married Daemon, you left your life to be with him and you can say its one of the best thing you did though there was a one problem, the gods haven't bless you any children yet. You visited different Maesters from different places but they can't find a way why this is happening to the both of you.

The people from the Keep whisper that maybe you're the problem and say how unlucky Daemon is to be wed to you and how you can't give him heirs.

Now you're here in the Keep while you're husband is somewhere away doing his job its only been weeks since he left, you felt so lonely without him, the only one you can talk here is either the Queen or her daughter Helaena, Rhaenyra and her family left to Dragonstone and it didn't bother you since you both aren't really closed.

"It must be very hard is it?" You turned around and saw the King's Hand, Otto Hightower behind you he was also looking at the view of lake outside the balcony..

"Is what hard?" you asked.

"Not being able to do your job as a wife" Otto stated and slowly turned his head at you, "Not being able to give your dear husband heirs" he continued.

Your jaw clenched but you remained silent you tried your best to stop yourself from punching this man in front of you, good thing he decided to leave you alone but before he can disappear he spoke again.

"Even I would understand your husband why he chose to bed common whores than you" was his last word as he completely vanished from your eye.

Did you heard that right? Was that the reason why he's always away? he fucked whores behind your back?

No Daemon loves you, he literally married you in their house tradition he would never do that.

You tried to cheer yourself but you remembered what's Daemon true color is, he wasn't like this before the both of you met, he crave for different women's cunt, he is a man with a lot of needs, and no one cam ever stop him from that, perhaps even his own wife.

You keep overthinking what the King's Hand told you that day and soon enough there were rumors spreading around the Keep that your husband was seen in one of brothels in Pentos.

It even reached the King you can't looked at him without getting embarrassed.

"It said here your Grace that the Prince visited one of his former whores, Mysaria a lady from Essos" the messenger continued.

Mysaria.

Of course, you knew her, she was a big part of Daemon's life now it was clear as sky what your dear husband is doing whenever he's away and doing his "job".

"Stop that now and go" she heard Viserys said.

Him and the Queen both looked at you, you just looked down you're ashamed about your husband's actions, you're even ashamed how you really thought that he would be patient with you, that he would change for you.

"I will write a letter to him and make him come back by tommorow, we can't just believe to some rumors" Viserys defended him, you can see how the Queen beside him rolled her eyes.

You smiled "He can do whatever he wants there your Grace I don't care, I have done my part as a dutiful a faithful wife and that's all I can offer now" and excused yourself.

You walked your way through your chamber and cried, you throw everything in your room, books,  goblets, jewelry literally everything.

You heard knock after knock but you didn't care you didn't opened the door and they can't get inside either because you had it locked. You grew tired and break down on your knees, you felt dizzy and suddenly everything went black.

You opened your eyes when you felt something cold contacting with your skin, you opened your eyes and saw the Queen wiping your forehead with a cold wet cloth, you tried to stood up but Alicent pushed you back.

"Rest..." she said and smiled a bit.

"What happened?"

"You've been unconscious for four days, and we can't open your door but Ser Criston Cole climb the castle all the way to your window and saw you lying on the ground, we tried to call the Maesters but there's no available until today so please rest and wait for them" she explained, you saw Criston at the corner of your room staring at you pity was written all over his face.

"Another thing.." you looked at the Queen who spoke  but it was interrupted when a knight entered the room.

"Your Grace, Princess..." the knight greeted and bow for respect.

"Prince Daemon asked for her wife's presence,,  he's in the meeting room" he continued.

You frowned and looked at the Queen she was closing her eyes and sigh and looked at her, you scoffed and remove your blanket to face your husband but the Queen stopped you

"Rest princess, let him come here-"

"No I want to see him" you insisted and forcefully pulled Alicent's hand away from you, Criston blocked your way when you were about to leave your room.

"Let me through" you pulled the collar of his armor, you're mad not to them but to your husband and they surely want to be involve of your wrath right now.

Criston looked at his Queen and when he saw that she nodded in approval Criston stepped back.

You walked through the halls fury also walking beside you, the sound of your shoes echoing in the halls as you walk fast when you reached the room you opened it unannounced and you didn't expect the amount of eyes that looked at you. You knew that you interfered their meeting or other important thing you supposed to be ashamed but your anger chose otherwise. Viserys sensed the atmosphere you brought in the room and instantly ordered his men to leave the room they all looked at you as they walked past but you didn't care.

"My dear wife-" Daemon's smile faded when your palm said hi to his face.

"How dare you show up here" you calmly said but your tone was pure venom even Viserys flinched at your sudden burst, you who truly love and cherish his brother is now looking at him with pure anger.

"What? you do not wish to see me?"

"Oh yes I don't, after all the news that arrived to me, job huh? what kind of job you're having with Mysaria? or your whores?" you screamed and it already alerted Viserys he stood up waiting for the right time to stop both of you.

"My wife I am not in the mood now to fight with you I am tired and all of this are just rumors" he said as he softly caress your shoulders but you pulled away.

"Is it Daemon? Cause you proved yourself many times of how unworthy you are, do you have any idea how embarrassed I am? people are looking at me with either pity or disgust!"

"People have always something to say, and I was away for my job wife" Daemon's voice also rose a bit.

"Tell me does she make you feel good? Mysaria? does she satisfy your needs?" you asked, you're looking down to your feet you don't want him to see you crying.

"We always keeps having this conversation! over and over again! when will you ever trust me!" Daemon bursted out and throw his sword to the side so his gold cloak.

You just cried there still looking down, you're both tired physically and mentally. 

"I just want to know the truth Daemon..." you said that turned into a whisper, you looked around and realized that Viserys already left. "Did you sleep with other women when you're away?" you added, and looked up to your husband.

"Perhaps I should've just stay there" he replied with pure anger.

"Perhaps I should've just married a different man" you replied.

Daemon looked at your direction, you were about to walked out when he grabbed your arm very hard.

"How dare you tell that to me when you can't even be a dutiful wife"

"I have been a dutiful wife Daemon! and a faithful one! what more do you want? what does your whores have that I fucking don't-"

"Atleast they can bear me my child you useless woman!" he pushed you your back landed on the edge of the table.

You looked at him with wide eyes, processing the words that came out from his mouth, is bearing his child what all matter to him?.

You slapped him hard that his nose bled.

"I tried my best..." you whispered. "Fuck you Daemon" you added and leave.

Before you can even walked out the room you felt dizzy you stopped your tracks to steady yourself, you felt Daemon's caressing your back.

"Get off of me" your said in monotone and pushed him.

"Please let me..."

"No! Fucking get off of me!!" your snapped at him, tears escaped your eyes faster now, even you you're cursing yourself somewhat that maybe if you had just bear him a child nothing of this would happen.

"The gods knows how many times I cursed and blame myself for my condition, and I understand your reaction because of this but also I would never tolerate this action of yours, so I hope you'll understand my decision" You looked away, when he softly grab your cheek you can't look into his eyes, the eyes that made you fell for him, those eyes that once looked you with love, he wiped your tears.

"I'm sorr-"

"I want an annulment with you" you cut him off.

You can see his eyes widened, Daemon hugged you and shook his head, he cannot lose you the only person who truly understand and keeps up with him, the only woman who he truly love.

"No no no, my love please...." he pleaded, you pushed him away but his hand hold your hand.

"I didn't mean to say that but I know it's not enough and not reasonable to throw that words to you, I'm scared to lose you" he admitted.

"Scared to lose me? yet you slept with other women while you're away, how did you expect me to react Daemon? Throw a fucking fiest for you?!"

"I didn't sleep with anyone (Y/N) I promise..." he was crying, the tears that flow down on his cheeks didn't go unnoticed by you.

You shook your head, and pulled away before leaving the room, you didn't care if he was telling the truth or not, you're marriage is now shattered.

You spend two whole days in your room, crying yourself to sleep no one bothered you and you are thankful for that you wrote a letter for the King about the annulment you want with your husband you just hope it will turn well.

On the other hand Viserys called for his brother at the throne room and your husband attended, not uttering a word yet when his brother, the King punched him in the face Viserys ordered his guards to hold his brother.

"What is this?" Daemon asked confused of his brother sudden rage.

Viserys show a piece of parchment to his face with your handwriting stating that you want to annul your marriage with him.

"You've lost her now brother, congratulations" Viserys sarcastically said "I'm so tired defending you my whole life now you're own wife also had enough with you, I'm not going to favor you anymore I will grant her request you don't deserve someone like her" he continued and turned his back at his brother.

"Don't.....brother please! The rumors are all false I already told her that!" he defended.

"Then why is she requesting this then? Your wife is a kind woman she would've believe everything you say to her and if you're saying the truth she wouldn't write this to me!" The King yell and throw the piece of parchment to Daemon's face.

Daemon knew the reason, the real reason. He hurted you with his words he didn't mean it but still he shouldn't spoke like that to you, now he's already losing you.

"Just let me talk to her brother"

"She doesn't even wanna see you"

"Then I'll find a way to talk to my wife!" his shout echoed to the room, he's already panicking inside because of your request now his own brother is going against him, he can't lose you god forgive him of what he will do if you ever leave him.

"You don't have the right to decide for my marriage!"

"I'm not the one who decided for your marriage brother, it's your wife. I'm just granting it" Daemon can read the disappointment on his brother's face but he didn't care, he never care for what his brother have to say.

"Then don't, if you granted our annulment Viserys, I'm telling you. You will see the real reason why people call me Rogue" he spat, the guards was alarmed their gripped to him tighten, the King can have his head for saying a such threat.

"Go, Let me see, let your Lady (Y/n) see..." Viserys challenged him, Daemon forcefully pushed the guards away from him and leave the room.

You're already packing your clothes with the help of your handmaidens, you already sent a letter to your father that you will go back to your home thankfully they approved and didn't asked more further questions, you flinched when the door of your chamber slammed opened revealing Daemon, you looked at him confused before gesturing your servants to leave both of you alone.

"I didn't remember your inviting to my chamber" you spoke.

"I'm your husband and this is our chamber" you scoffed to his reply.

"Not after the King approved our annulment" you answered and go back on fixing your clothes, you squealed when he tossed all of things and clothes to the ground, it was all over the floor. You looked up to him to argue but instead he kneeled in front of you and hugged your waist.

"Do not leave me...." he softly whispered, his head down refusing to look at you, you chewed the insides of your cheeks to contain the tears that's threatening to fall.

"Daemon..." you tried to push him away but he only gripped tighter.

"Please my love I'm begging do not leave me, I'll do anything you want if you want I'm not going away anymore I will stay with you wherever you are, I will always be on your side just please do not leave me" he was sobbing and it breaks your heart but you know that even how many times he would apologize it wouldn't change the fact that he still wants and need an heir soon which is you can't give him.

"I can't give you a child Daemon, it's better if we just separate and you find a woman who can bear you a child" you stoke the hair on top of his head, his beautiful white hair.

"I don't care about a damn child, I don't care if you can give me or not I just need you, just you and if you're still doubting about the rumors I can let you talk to Corlys he will assure you that I didn't go to any whore house, I was with him the whole week" you helped him to get up and he instantly cupped both of your cheeks.

"Daemon can't you see? I am not normal it would be a big shame to you that you married someone like me"

"I said I don't care! I just need you if you're scared of what they will say about me, you or us then let's run away we can go somewhere and live together we can  adopt a child or do anything we want" he pressed his forehead to you and held both of your hands "......just be with me please? I am sorry for all the things I said I really didn't mean it"

You smiled and nod you kisses his hand and cupped his face "We don't have to run away, you don't have to run away" you said, same as Daemon you also just need him and only him you wouldn't care about what the others would tell you anymore.

"Don't leave love...." he pleaded.

"I won't do not worry..."

He half smiled and kissed your lips,

This is enough for him, you and him together is enough and he couldn't ask for more.

[ediyoonoh]

Henry 6th

GreenSchool!NaJaemin x GreenSchoolfem!reader; 1.4k words, taglish fic

WARNING: this short fic contains smut (pwp, oral sex, and protected sex) and the use of foul language!

GENRE: smut

SUMMARY: what happens when you decided to stay at your campus library?

A/N: omg this is my first ever work 🥹. This fic may contain typo and grammatical errors. Anw, I hope you enjoy reading and lemme know your thoughts! 🫶

MINORS DNI!!!

DISCLAIMER: all names, characters, and settings in this work are fictious. Any resemblance are entirely coincidental.

MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

Ilang oras ka ng walang tulog.

Buong gabi ka nag-aral para sa Accounting exam mo at ‘di ka pa nakakabawi ng tulog dahil katatapos lang din ng 3-hour lecture mo.

“Finally, natapos din ang accounting exam at lecture natin” bulong sayo ng best friend mo habang nag-uunat ng buto. “Oo nga eh, pero honestly I think bagsak pa rin ako sa quiz na ‘to” halata ang lungkot sa boses mo habang inaayos ang gamit para umalis na ng classroom. “Hayaan mo na bestie, bawi na lng tayo sa susunod”.

Totoo naman kasi, sobrang demanding ng Accountancy program sa school na pinasukan mo. Fast paced kasi ang curriculum dito at may retention grade pa. Favorite lang ata ni Lord ang makakapasa sa gantong systema ng Green School eh!

“Okay lang ba na mauna na ako umuwi sa’yo? Gusto ko ng bumawi ng tulog eh” tanong ng kaibigan mo habang naglalakad kayo palabas ng Yuchengco building. “Sure no worries sis! I’ll just go to Henry to finish some minor requirements and maybe take some sleep“ sabi mo before walking away to kill some time before your next class.

»»————-　♡　————-««

Nandito ka ngayon sa 6th floor ng Henry Sy Sr. Building also known as The Learning Commons upang tapusin ang iyong requirements ng magulat ka ng may kumausap sa’yo.

“Hi excuse me, is this seat taken?” the stranger asked you in which you shook your head as a response. “Oh if ganon, is it okay if I share a table with you? There are no vacant tables left kasi” he explained to you.

Napaisip ka naman kung bakit hindi na lang siya umakyat sa upper floors pero pagtingin mo sa kaniya, ay puta ang pogi pala ng kausap mo! “Uh….yeah sure” sabi mo ng may halong hiya at kilig.

It is around 30 minutes after your interaction that you finished your requirements and decided to take a nap kasi may oras ka pa naman before your next class.

Tangina, ‘di ako makatulog ng maayos dito ah. Hindi rin naman maiwasan tingnan ka ng lalaki dahil sa sobrang likot mo ‘til he noticed that you’re uncomfortable with your position .

“Can’t sleep?” he initiated. “Yeah, I can’t seem to find a comfortable position in this chair” you chuckled with an irritated tone.

“You can sleep in my condo if you want” napabangon ka naman sa sinabi niya at hindi napigilan ang paglaki ng mata mo. Gago, please tell me what I’m thinking is wrong. “Are you out of your mind? We just met and you’re offering your condo to me?”

“Well it looks like you really need some sleep and if you don’t trust me because we don’t know each other then let me tell a few things about myself. I’m Jaemin, ID 120 taking Hum-Bio. There, now, what about yours?” Jaemin answered with a small smile in his face.

Shit, ang cute niya ngumiti. “uh… I’m y/n ID 121 taking Accountancy” returning his smile.

“Nice to meet you y/n! So… what do you say?”

»»————-　♡　————-««

Ang usapan makiktulog ka sa condo niya pero bakit nakikipag-laplapan ka na kay Jaemin?

“Fuck, Jaemin” you moaned while straddling him. Sabi na nga ba eh tama yung iniisip ko kanina. “You have big tits, y/n” he groaned while groping your breasts. ‘Di mo rin namalayan na that you’re grinding him sa sobrang sarap nang maramdaman mo ang kaniyang ari sa puke mo. Oh I bet riding him is such a dream.

“M-may condom ka ba Jaem?” tanong mo habang hinihingal pa sa momol session niyo. “Yeah I do, but are you sure you want this?” he asked as he carressed your face. Malamang sino ba naman ako para ‘di magpatira sa poging lalaki na’to diba?

“Please fuck me Jaemin” you begged.

Napatili ka nang binuhat ka ng binata at inihiga ka sa kama niya. “I suppose you deserve to be fucked, baby. Someone to fuck your stress away, hm?” Accounting major pa nga. If you are not wet a while ago, then you are definitely wet right now. Unti-unti na ring tinatanggal ng lalaki ang mga damit niyo ng naging dahilan ng pag-tigas ng nipples mo sa lamig ng kwarto. “Please… Jaem”

“Please what baby?” he teases you. “Touch me please … touch me anywhere” mahina mong sagot sa kaniya. Ilang buwan ka na ring hindi nadiligan kaya talagang touched deprived ka na. Sinunod naman ni Jaemin ang sinabi kaya ‘di mo napigilan ang umungol ng malakas ng maramdaman mong pinasok ng nakakatanda ang dalawang daliri niya sa pussy mo. “Tangina ang sikip mo, paano na lang kaya pag tite ko na ipapasok ko sa’yo?”.

You were all over the place. Patuloy na ang mga ungol at pagtulo ng luha mula sa mata mo sa sobrang sarap. Maya-maya nararamdaman mo ng lalabasan ka na kaya napahigpit na ang hawak mo sa braso ng lalaki. “Jaem I’m gonna c-cum” which caused him to finger you faster.

“Fuck!” mura mo habang linalabasan ka. “That’s it baby, that’s it” he scattered kisses to your face. While recovering from your orgasm, you felt a weight shift on the bed and saw Jaemin holding a condom wrapper in his hand. “Ano baby kaya pa?” he jerked himself off before wearing the condom. Lord, maraming salamat po sa blessing na ‘to.

Pareho kayong napa-ungol sa sarap. “Fuck, why are you still so tight? I fingered you na ah” he moved carefully inside you. Shit, di pa niya napapasok lahat pero you feel so full already. “Jaem fuck wait, you’re so big” mangiyak-iyak mong sabi sa kaniya.

“Just tell me baby when to move” he patiently waited for you to be comfortable pero bakas na sa mukha niya ang sarap. “You can move now, Jaem” he slowly moved at first still helping you to adjust to his size. He also started rubbing circles on your hips to ease the pain. Nako Jaem, ‘wag mong gagawin ‘yan kikiligin ako.

Hinahalikan na rin ng lalaki ang leeg mo habang bumubulong sa tenga mo ng, “That’s it baby, that’s it”. “Fuck Jaem, ang sarap…bilisan mo pa” you whimpered, kaya naman he thrusted faster into you that caused you to moan at his name loudly, not caring about the neigbors. “Yeah baby, you like that? You like getting fucked like this?”

Ang galing niya mag dirty talk putangina, at dahil diyan you can already feel another climax creeping in. “Puta, mas sumisikip ka pa lalo. Lalabasan ka na ba uli, baby?” tumango ka sa kaniyang tanong at muli ka na namang nagulat when he manhandled you into all fours. Now he’s fucking you with hard and even faster pace, “’Wag mo ng pigilan, y/n. Cum for me”. utos niya sayo.

Putangina ang sarap. You felt your second orgasm washing all over your body, and you can tell this has been the best orgasm you ever experienced. “f-fuck Jaem I’m getting sensitive” ‘di na naririnig ng binata ang mahina mong bulong at ipinipagpatuloy ang pag-kantot sa’yo hanggang sa labasan na rin siya sa condom.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Here a glass of water for you” Jaemin offered you while helping you sit comfortably on the bed. Damn, he also knows how to do aftercare? “Was I too rough, y/n?” kitang-kita sa leeg mo ang mga hickeys at namumuong pasa sa balakang mo. “No Jaem, you’re not. In fact you’re perfect, exactly what I need”.

Tahimik na sinuot mo ang mga damit mo at nakigamit ka na rin ng banyo para mag-hilamos ng mukha. Paglabas, nagulat ka naman kung bakit naka-hoodie at may suot na slides ang lalaki. “Ihahatid na kita palabas, y/n”. Napatingin ka sa relos mo at guess what? Late ka na sa next class mo!

“Stop making fun of me” naririnig mong tumatawa si Jaemin habang pasakay kayo ng elevator kasi sabi niya mukha ka raw penguin maglakad. Sino kaya may kasalanan kung bakit ganito ako maglakad? “Uh…Jaem? Thank you for this” nahihiya mong sabi sa kaniya pagdating niyo sa lobby. “Anytime babe. You know where to find me if you need to let off some steam again” he winked at you.

Yeah, sa Henry 6th.

[FIN.]

ediyoonoh '23

[hwanchaesong]

ATEEZ and their love languages

a/n: excuse my typos or grammatical errors, i did not proofread this

Hongjoong

quality time & words of affirmation

He is definitely the type who will make time for you no matter how busy he is.

In between breaks and schedules, he will put a time where he can speak with you and check up whatever you're on about.

It may be in the form of text messages and calls, or even asking you out for lunch. The smallest things like, "Come to my studio and let's hang out for a bit." then it will proceed to him cuddling you for a few minutes and conversing with you about your day.

He never forgets to give you all the assurance that you need.

"You're doing great baby, keep going."

"You look so pretty, that outfit looks so cool on you."

"I miss you and I love you, okay? Please don't forget that."

These will always serve as a reminder that he does think of you all the time.

Seonghwa

quality time, acts of service, & words of affirmation

Of course this man will always sacrifice even his resting time just to see or talk to you. You are his rest, and spending time with you makes him energized like he slept for 12 hours straight.

He will always make sure that you're alright and doing fine in his own ways.

He looks out for you even in the tiniest things.

Cooks food for you, brings the things that you might need when you go out, prepares warm clothes when it's cold outside.

He tends to tell you the words that you need to hear unconsciously.

For example, when you're feeling insecure, he'll suddenly say "Oh, why on earth are you looking so gorgeous today. Well, you always do either way." then everything is fine afterwards.

He literally treats you like a baby, because tbh, you are his baby.

Yunho

physical touch & giving gifts

Now, our tall puppy here loves to give you hugs and kisses.

He always greets you with a big smile on his face then proceeds to engulf you in his arms, and he wouldn't let go until he feels satisfied.

You always look cuddly in his eyes, thus, he thinks of you as his teddy bear.

Cuddles are also a must. He'd rather die than not have you in his hold.

He also had this habit of pulling you close to him before leaving a peck on your nose, cheeks, forehead, or lips.

Let's not forget his thoughtful gifts, like he'll buy the things that you need or anything that you said that you liked.

He observes and remembers everything about you so he'll be able to use that to his advantage, albeit the reason is for him to make you happy.

Yeosang

acts of service & giving gifts

We all know how sarcastic he is, savage even. But behind all that is a soft boi that actually cares about you because he loves you so much but is just somehow of a tsundere to admit.

He shows that through his actions.

Such examples are:

1. Giving you his food which he normally doesn't do.

2. Calls you stupid as he ties your shoelaces or fixes your collar.

3. Ties your hair for you while you eat.

4. Tucks you in bed.

5. Checks your belongings if it's all complete and nothing has been stolen.

He also gives you a lot of items that he bought because, and he quotes, "I accidentally bought it, I don't even know why. Stop asking!"

When in reality, he bought it because it's either it reminded him of you or he thinks that you'll be able to use it in the future.

San

physical touch, words of affirmation & quality time

He'll be clinging onto you 24/7, he'll do it even in the bathroom if you'll allow him.

But really, he is so attached to you that if he can't touch you for a long time, he'll be sulking a like a child.

Being with you is like charging him. Also, he feels like when he's with you, then he can protect you from any danger, thus, he wants to be close to you as much as possible.

He'll always find a way to be with you. Whether it be a hang out indoors or outdoor dates. Heck, he'll even use working out as an excuse so he'll be able to spend time with you.

San also lives off of the fact that he can make you flustered whenever he flirts or compliments you.

Still, all he says are his honest thoughts. He thinks that you are a blessing and he loves you so much that he'd die for you. Yeah, all of those are 100% authentic.

Mingi

giving gifts & acts of service

He is kind of shy when it comes to showing some love for you physically, especially because he respects your space that is why he has grown accustomed to these two love languages.

He usually buys items that he will also be able to use, he loves it when your things match.

Couple socks, shirts, bracelets, everything.

He loves seeing you wear and use the gifts that he mindfully selected. Makes him feel proud that he chose a perfect item.

He's also a gentleman, despite a lowkey one.

He never lets you walk on the outer side of the road. Opens the door for you or letting you take a seat first.

Everything that he does is for the sake of making you feel that he prioritizes you over anything else.

Wooyoung

physical touch, acts of service, & quality time

This man has no sense of space and privacy at all, but it's okay, you tolerate it and you love him for it.

It's either he hugs you like a koala and kisses you like a whale or he hugs you like a bear and kisses you like a prince. There is no between, mind you.

He also cooks you warm meals, ranging from you waking up with a breakfast in bed or you coming home for a freshly made dinner.

Wooyoung loves to watch movies with you while cuddling, it has become your go to dates whenever the both of you are too lazy to go outside.

All in all, he'll be out there doing anything just to keep you by his side. He couldn't imagine a life without you anymore.

Jongho

giving gifts, words of affirmation, & acts of service

The first thing that he'll always do is to, as cheesy as it sounds, give you flowers.

Bouquets, roses, sunflowers, you name it. Every week, you have a different set of florals on your vase. Of course you keep it, it smells nice and it reminds you of him.

He also never fails to remind you of how much you mean to him. Jongho apologizes when he can't be more of a boyfriend to you but still, he'll do his best to make you feel that he loves you and only you.

He gives you your favorite snacks or takes you out in your favorite restaurant whenever he's not busy, it's random yes, but it is a way for him to make up for the times when he can't be with you.

Jongho is a mere human, full of flaws and imperfections, but that won't hinder him from being the best man for you.

---------------------------------------------------

Taglist:

@hyuckilstan @ateezbabysitters @minkiflwr @hwadump @kpopcrossworlds

[knwsoft]

my damnation | psh

— member. park sunghoon

— genre(s). fluff, angst, suggestive, alternative universe!au, vampire!au

— warnings. blood, violence, mention of death, kidnapping, suggestive content

— words. 17,8k

— summary. if judgement awaits you two at death, perhaps you will both have a lot to repent for. but, you’ll deal with that when it comes. for you, damnation was being without him.

— parts. one

— a/n. this actually used to be an old fic i planned for other boy group in my other blog. but losing idea and motivation made me unpublish it for good. now, after months sitting in my draft without any further plan on finishing it, this fic has finally sees the light again with some revision. this fic is also inspired by an old game i used to play, so some of you might find it familiar. please note that this fic hasn't been proofread yet, therefore if you find any grammatical errors or typos, please inform me.

i.

You always hate the summer for some reasons, since it either means the weather becomes hotter than you can handle or more assignments from college to finish. Overall, summer sucked. However, just for today you might reconsider it for once. Special thanks to the history project that allowed you to run away from other stressful assignments that might have locked you up all summer in your dorm—that's right, you didn't go back to your hometown for this summer break.

After taking a 2 hours trip by Uber, you have finally arrived at The Musee Pavillion, the well known museum for its historic background and building in the town. You couldn't stop looking at the grand museum beauty in awe —sparkling in dappled light reflected from the calm river around it—as you took pictures around for documentation. It was breathtaking.

No wonder many people recommend this museum as one of the tourist attractions you must go to in Warlington.

Going around the museum, you’re looking around for a while and accidentally clash with a person. After apologising and smiling to each other, you continue to one of your main highlights - rent a historical dress. It somehow looks much prettier than what you imagined.

“Um… excuse me,” A sudden clear voice makes you turn your direction towards the source, realising that a gentleman in a tuxedo stands next to you. From the language he used and the accent, you know he is a local. He somewhat gives an aura of a noble within a picture though the clothes he wears aren't in accordance with the place. “I think you dropped this earlier.”

Then the man uncurls his hand, showing a familiar [colour] hairpin. You touch your hair and find your hairpin indeed missing.

“I knew it. This hairpin belongs to you.”

“Oh, when did I lose it…?”

“I believe it was when that woman bumped into you.” He smiles before adding, “I happened to spot it as it fell. I was looking for a chance to return it to you.”

“Thank you very much.”

The man offers to help you wear your hairpin back, despite you feeling shy and trying to refuse, you accept it at last since the man assures her that he’s doing that to avoid the hairpin from dropping back.

When the man brings you close to your face to help you with the hairpin, you can’t help but be surprised and charmed by the man’s brown eyes. He brushes some of your hair with fingers that could have belonged to one of the graceful sculptures in the historical museum. Then you hear what the man says at your ear.

“… You have a sweet scent.”

“Thank you. I got that perfume from my hometown.” You mindlessly thanked him. Failed to catch the hidden meaning from those words.

“Oh… But I wasn’t referring to your perfume.” His voice was soft and rich, yet you couldn’t place his accent. It was like a mix of a hundred different lands.

He stepped away with a perfectly natural smile before saying his farewell. Whatever the spell you imagined yourself under is finally broken. You think of him somewhat strange, like an inhuman being from the movies you watched, especially with how fair his skin was. Though it’s impossible.

You then realize it’s only 30 minutes left before you need to visit the next exhibition.

Going in the man’s direction, you notice a big old rustic door. From the slightly open door, you can see some antique furnishings, thinking those are part of the exhibition. You’re somewhat feeling a weird attraction to the door and things behind it, and decide to have around them before leaving.

Going ahead to the far narrow hall with antiques placed inside, your feet just move forward as if invited. Before you arrive at the end of the hall, suddenly a white light hits your eyes. You shut them close as they are too dazzling. However, when you open them back, you’re somehow at an unfamiliar place.

Bedroom door on one side, windows on the other. It doesn’t look like a part of the museum you saw just now. It looks more like a private mansion that doesn’t make sense.

“What the… hell?”

You’re shocked to see that it’s night already outside while your cell phone shows it’s still 14:30.

Cooling yourself down who’s starting to get anxious, you give a light slap to both of your cheeks and go back to the door from where you came. But as you’re just turning around, everything was white. Your arms are being grabbed and caught into a shadow. You’re trying to escape but to no avail. Fingertips of someone you cannot see grab your hair and slides them into your nape.

“Quietly, submit to me.”

“Stop!”

Suddenly, you regain your consciousness, and nudge this person in the stomach and run away with all the strength you have. The anxiety is gradually getting into you again and you rush to find the door back.

You place your hand upon the cold handle and pull, but nothing happens. No matter how hard you try, the door won’t budge and—

“What are you doing there?”

Turning back your head, a tall man is standing nearby. Something about this man reminded you of your nightmare. But there wasn’t anything frightening about him.

“Uh, how do you open this door? It won’t open no matter how much strength I use.”

“No way, don’t tell me you came here through this door?”

“That’s exactly what I did. I come toward the museum behind this door, the one with many antiques.” He seems surprised before turns severe.

“Who are yo-”

Before he could finish asking, footsteps could be heard coming toward them, making you feel kinda relieved. You’re trying to raise your voice but he closes your mouth with powerful force and brings you behind a curtain on a grand scale, and glues your bodies together to hide your shadows. That sudden act makes your body stiffen.

Softly putting his hand on your shoulder, he whispers in low, “Don’t be alert. I won’t do anything for you… So, let’s keep silent for now.”

While being close together, you analyse your saviour as it illuminates by moonlight. Glossy and beautiful brown hair as if wet and well-featured look, along with large eyes that stares at you seriously.

He does not seem to be lying or else he won’t do straight-up things like this.

Nodding to him, he slowly releases his hand from your mouth. Your mind is wondering the reasons for such action. While deep in thought, he slowly murmurs that the footsteps sound has gone already.

There are so many questions you want to ask him. But, before you can open your mouth, he beats you to it first.

“Save the minor details for later, You need to leave this place before you are being found by other guys.” Gripping your hand strongly once again, you two quickly increase your pace in the corridor.

Even he says to leave…where can you go actually? What kind of things are bad if you’re being found out? You would be lying if you say that you aren’t anxious, but the heat transmitted through your connected hands somehow gives you a sense of relief.

However, the sound of the door opening could be heard, announcing the appearance of a brown haired guy with a sheepish smile. Small clicking tongue sound from your saviour reaches your ears.

“I don’t understand why there’s a girl inside this mansion. But somehow, looking at the situation, it seems like you’re trying to help her escape, right Sunghoon?”

“It’s none of your business, Jake.”

The mysterious man smoothly blocked off your exit. His eyes fastened on you with obvious fascination.

“Such a waste, then. She looks delicious tho!” Jake's eyes now full of glee as he approaches you and seems like wanting to make fun of you. He seizes your face. “I don’t know about anyone else, but this kind of grim face looks cute too, right?”

Sunghoon, the name of your saviour who you just learned, immediately put you behind him protectively.

“I have an idea! Why don’t you invite her to the dinner party? It’s just around the corner.” Jake happily suggests.

“That’s not for you to decide as you please.”

Feeling more confused with the terms like 'mansion' and 'dinner party' being thrown off to you, suddenly a girl with a maid appearance walks towards all of you.

“It’s time for the assembly, please go to the dining hall.”

Looking at you, she adds “Of course, you too.”

At first, you hesitate and want to refuse, but the maid tells you the owner of the mansion is waiting to meet you and you must have lots of questions to ask yourself. Plus, you enter here without permission. You walk ahead and come downstairs with the others following behind, and someone unexpectedly awaits them down there, shocking you.

“You are…!”

Looking ahead after going downstairs is a familiar brown-eyed man who you meet at the museum.

The moment your eyes meet, he smiles at you.

“Oh, Heeseung hyung, you know her?” Jake asks.

“We happened to meet this morning.” After Heeseung clarifies he remembers you, you feel so glad as he might be the mansion’s owner and could lead you to the way out. Before you could ask further, someone interrupts you.

“She told me she came in through the door you used…did you bring her along?” Sunghoon asks.

“No no, I could swear it’s not me who brought her in. I'm even surprised by her presence here.”

Listening to those unknown exchanges, you feel even more uncomfortable. You tried to ask him to tell you how to go back, but he could only give you a troubled smile. He invites you to the dinner party, and promises to explain everything after it’s done to avoid your further confusion.

As you arrive at the dining hall, the maid opens up the door for all of you. Warmly lit with chandeliers and candlebars. High-backed wooden chairs framing the massive table. A man was already seated there, raising his head noticing your arrival.

“Guest?”

He got the briefest look at me before returning to the table in front of him. He spoke, but you weren’t sure if it was to you, as he wouldn’t meet your eyes.

“Whoever you are, have you considered sitting down? There’s a queue behind you waiting to get in.” He seems to not care and tells you to take seats already, as it’s troublesome to do nothing.

“Jay, you do care!” tease Jake.

To rebuke further argument, Heeseung claps his hand and smiles towards all of the people who've been attending, asking for a toast. After the champagne toast and dishes are brought one by one, you still could not bring yourself to eat. Too many thoughts in your mind. You then indulge yourself with all delicious dishes, you feel the tense out from your shoulder a bit, and less wary.

It should be at quarter past three, and you should be at The Musee Pavillion now. But it’s nighttime and you’re seated at dinner. You couldn’t solve the puzzle right now, so you turn your head to your companions.

As Heeseung is glad you’re liking them, he greets the whole room, leading everyone’s gaze to him.

‘Who are all these men?’

“Since we have this opportunity, how about we introduced ourselves to the young lady?” Just like reading your mind, Heesung smiles as he introduces himself first followed by the others. “My name is Lee Heeseung. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“The pleasure’s all mine.” You stiffen, realising belatedly you could’ve been making a better impression of yourself. “I’m… [Name].”

“That’s such a pretty name for a pretty girl.” Says the dark brown haired flirt from before, gaining your attention. Don't forget to wink at you. “The name is Jake Sim and you don't need to be formal with me, just Jake is fine as long as I get to call you [Name].”

“I think that’s enough, Jake. You make her uncomfortable,” warns Heeseung.

You look to the next in line. Sitting to the right of Heeseung is Jay. You haven’t met Jay’s eyes for a moment before he looks away from you again. ‘What? Does he hate me or something?’

“… I’m Jay, Jay Park.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“I believe that leave you.” Heeseung’s voice arrests your fantasies.

Only one man left.

Your saviour.

He wanted you to get out of this place, and promised to answer your questions as soon as you two were gone. For some reason, you’d instantly trusted him, more than anyone else. He looks at you with those eyes that hide nothing and says, “Sunghoon. Park Sunghoon.”

After the dinner party ends without you still not knowing and understanding anything, you go to Heeseung’s room to seek explanations. You ask him ways to return since the door does not budge at all, is there switches or keys needed to open. However, his answers kinda disappoint you

“The door isn’t locked. Opening it is easy, however, it only opens under very specific conditions.”

“What’s the condition?”

“The specifics are difficult to explain.” Heeseung gets up from his chair and stops in front of an oversized hourglass. The top half is full of sand. “It will open when all the sand in this hourglass has fallen. It’s quite precise, and I rely on its timing myself.”

“I see. Approximately how long does that hourglass run for?”

“It takes a month, on average,” he says calmly. ‘A month!? On average?’

“We're still in Warlington, right?” If you are still in Warlington, that means there’s no need to fixate on that strange door. You could just go back using the front door. You don’t know how it became night without you knowing, but you still can return to your dorm.

“We are indeed still in Warlington, but in a different world. What you see here isn't the town you know.”

Heeseung sadly smiles as he tells Miyoung, the maid, to open the curtain and let you look over the city from his window’s room. Like in the set of a movie, a carriage runs along the old street and ladies put on a dress, other than that, the city still looks the same. You even change direction over and over, still see the same view and reality gradually hits.

“No… way.”

He explains that the mansion’s door has the power to connect between two different worlds. No matter if it's him or anyone, it still takes around one month to open the door. Once it’s close, it would take around that much time to open again.

“By the way, other residents are also gathered here through that door. So, people from different times and countries, including you, are meeting each other in this mansion. ”

Trying to clear more of your head, you ask further about the mansion and real identity of the Heeseung, but he tells you to rest for tonight since you seem tired already as he prepares a room for you to stay for the month. He also promises to answer more of your questions tomorrow and would tell the other residents about your stay in the mansion.

Alone in your prepared room, you’re thinking back about all the occurrences that happen the whole day. Hoping all of these are only dreams, you’re remembering back all the men you met, still not believing much in this whole different world story. You couldn’t picture he’s lying about it and your instincts told you he was telling the truth.

Besides, what would Heeseung gain from lying to you? You’re not rich or influential. There’s no benefit to it. Then it’s all real? As real as this place is.

Exhaustion overwhelming you. You immediately fell asleep as your head hit the pillow. But then, you wake up to the soft crumple of the thick duvet, followed by the creak of the bed-frame. There is a stranger in your room.

“Who is that?”

Before you could escape, a strong force pulls you back to bed. They were on top of you, holding you down. As your body falls to the bed, strong hands pinned yours to the sheets. Your legs are trapped under theirs.

“Don’t move.”

You feel the figure’s heat close to you, body tensed as their breath is on your ear. Sharp teeth sink into your neck. It stung for only a moment. No, not even that long. What you feel can’t be described as pain. Feverish heat starts running to your nape of the neck, your vision is shaking and you feel low in power. Each warm breath billowing over your neck fills you with insatiable longing.

You groan in a voice laden with ecstasy. Does that voice even belong to you?

As you’re surprised by your sweet voice unlike yourself, your reason is slowly melting. Your sight follows a circular red stain on the white sheet.

As your consciousness fades, the figure says something.

“I want it all. Your body, your heart… and your destiny.”

You scramble out of the bed, clutching your neck. There’s no puncture wound nor pain, and there’s no one when you’re looking around the room. The dream was unusual but yet familiar, you recall the mysterious daydream you had when you first set foot in the mansion, like a warning.

What do you put yourself into?

Trying to calm yourself, you decided to take a walk at the hall for a bit. Wan moonlight streamed in through the hallway like a ghostly ribbon. It was beautiful, yet unnerving in the dead of night.

You still couldn’t believe that you are stuck here, in another version of Warlington—the town you visit for study—with four men. Even if they could have world-travelled, why would they leave their own world? Why stay here when they have a life to live? Shouldn’t they be just as eager to return as you are?

It didn’t make sense.

Looks like you need to find out the truth from Heeseung tomorrow. For now, you need to get back to your room and hopefully back to sleep.

That’s when you saw him, standing at the border of the light and shadow, looking as if he embodied both. Sunghoon stood with his back to the wall, arms folded, but not in a peaceful way. His eyes were fixed on the window as if it were the bars of an old familiar cage.

“Sunghoon?”

The moment he heard your voice, his eyes left the crescent moon and looked at you. You were suddenly overcome with a familiar sensation. Your vision shrank to pinholes.

“I want it all. Your body, your heart… and your destiny.” It was your dream. It came fresh to your mind, along with all the sensations you’d felt. You took a steadying breath, only to realise Sunghoon had left the wall and was now onto your side.

“Are you all right?” He worriedly asks which you answer with a nod. He sighs before continuing, “You shouldn’t be out and about. I heard you’re going to stay here until the door opens.”

It seemed like Heeseung had told them about it like he said he would. You confirmed what Sunghoon had heard.

“Then you’ll want to stay in your room at night. Especially if you’re going to be alone.”

“Why? Is there something here I should worry about?”

“…It’s not my place to tell you. But, please, just take the advice.”

There was a finality to his answer. Whatever the unspoken deal you’d had before, your agreement to stay here changed it. With that, you return to your room and shut the door.

Once more, you slip into the bed and find yourself surrounded by its soft sheets. Thankfully, there were no more dreams. You couldn’t have known at the time how important that night would become to you.

The next morning, not a moment after you’d freshened up, Heeseung had you seated in his supercar. He was taking you out for a tour around the unfamiliar Warlington. It took a quarter-of-an-hour to arrive in the city.

It’s a completely different view when you’re on the street. The vestiges of the past that you couldn’t find in the museum can still be seen in this world. The buildings and scenery look the same, but it holds a different vibe. The way people dressed here showed a classical and yet trendy feel. There are also not many cars on the road—Heeseung said only people with high status or money can afford it in this world.

Heeseung gives a little nod toward the driver and smiles, as indicating you two should go.

He offers you his arm and you take it, only to find yourself suddenly close to him. You were surprised, but then found it was a common thing here since the other ladies around you were being escorted the same way.

“Now that the last of your doubts have been quelled, let me welcome you again to this world.” He shows you his eye smile before continuing. “First, we need to go shopping. You’ll need a variety of things.”

“Shopping? But I don’t ha—”

He wouldn’t listen to your protest and so you shopped. He led the way, and you could go along, wide-eyed.

This tour of the city lasted until evening.

As soon the two of you arrived at the mansion, Heeseung excused himself as Miyoung appeared to help you with carrying box after box of dresses, perfumes, and more into the mansion.

In the end, you didn’t get the chance to ask your questions. But, you’ve learned something about him: his status here was high, though you don’t know what it was yet. Everything he has told you so far is true.

“Oh, isn’t it [Name]?”

That voice. You recognized him before turning around.

“Jake.”

“You remembered my name. Fantastic!” Jaemin takes an insouciant stance and grinned. “Out larking about, are we?”

“Heeseung was showing me the town.”

“How do you fancy Warlington? Still find it unbelievable?” You could only nod. Though you finally saw it yourself you still can’t believe the whole different world travel concept.

Something then caught your attention. A red stain on Jake's shirt, too dark to be just any beverage.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to stare, but I think you spilled something on your shirt.”

“Ah, that?” Jake glanced at the stain right below his collar and gave it a tug, “I suppose I did spill my beverage.”

However, it doesn't seem like a normal beverage—the colour, the consistency—that was unmistakably like… blood.

Your head was clanging like an old-fashioned alarm bell. ‘Did he just say ‘beverage’? There’s an explanation for this, there has to be.’

"W-what kind of beverage?"

“Came from that pretty neck I fed off just now, I suspect. Nothing stains like blood. A real bother to get out, too.” Jake spoke up, preternaturally seizing upon the exact moment reality was slipping through your fingers. He was talking about it as if it might have been lipstick, or wine, or coffee.

You've experienced many strange phenomena since you arrived. Haunting dreams. Visions. But, this was the most shocking thing that ever happened to you. Jake could see the colour of your face drained at the realisation.

“I see now. You didn’t know we were vampires, did you?”

“That’s… unbelievable!”

“What a load of rubbish, right? You’re a sceptic. Fair enough. But it’s all true.” Your eyes locked at his, feet frozen in place due to fear. You couldn’t run. “Do you want to know what a true vampire is like, [Name]? I’ll let in on a secret.”

“What.. do you mean by that?”

“It only takes a little bite.”

“Cease that, Jake. You’ve gone too far.” Just when Jake is about to come close, someone interposes between Jake and you like a shadow manifesting from a sudden stream light.

Sunghoon glared at Jake as he pushed you behind him. He was trying to protect you from the older man for a few months.

“Don’t give me that sour face, Hoonie! We’re just having a bit of fun.”

“We? I doubt it.” Jake put his hand on the heart, pretending to be hurt by Sunghoon's harsh words. Sunghoon sighs and turns to face you.

“This is why you shouldn’t be alone at night. Come with me.”

You are unable to let out any protest as he took your hand away from Jake. Though you don’t know if you could trust him anymore or not, it’s better than being alone with Jake after what is about to happen. Yet, looking at Sunghoon did nothing to release the knots in your stomach.

Now that you realise, Sunghoon was going to get you out of here because he knew. He knew there were vampires here. He was a part of them.

“Sunghoon.”

“What is it?”

“Let go of my hand, please.”

He did so. Immediately. You stepped away, measuring the distance from the gardens back to the mansion. Jake said they were all vampires. Did that mean Sunghoon is one of them too?

“I know what you want to ask me. Go on, ask.” In his eyes, you saw that he wanted you to know.

Daring, you take a step closer. “You’re one of them, right? You’re a vampire.”

Silence. It is strange. You couldn’t shake the feeling you’d somehow said the wrong thing.

He suddenly moves forward like a shadow, then falls upon you like the inexorable morning light. You feel his chest rise and fall, feel his breath against your face. He is breathing. Alive. But when you looked into his eyes that had been so honest with you, you saw fear. Your fear. He wants you to answer your own question.

“Look at me,” He cups your hair. Telling you, begging you, not to turn away yet. “I’m not like the others. I’m just like you. Please, stop looking at me like I’m going to bite you.”

No monster out of fiction, you thought, could stir your heart the way his voice did.

ii.

You finally found a chance to talk with Heeseung. First thing in the morning, you went to see him. He would not evade your question again. Or so you thought. He insisted on breakfast. You sat in the garden, at a table laden with sandwiches, eggs, and a plate of mandarin oranges.

“Miss, your tea.” Miyoung pours the hot tea. You thank her before taking a sip of it. Judging by the aroma and the taste, it is black tea with an infusion of milk. It tastes just like a milk tea, maybe with a little bit bitter at the after taste.

Heeseung smiles, his eyes fastening on you as you enjoy the silence and peace breakfast. But it doesn’t last for long.

“You must have many questions about this mansion and the other residents here. And there are things I must explain to you. That’s why I asked Miyoung to prepare breakfast in the garden.”

You clear your throat and put down the teacup on your hand, “Yes. Though I will only stay here for a month, I still need to know the truth. At least to protect myself.”

“What would you like to ask first?”

You have so many questions, but you know which of them is the most important.

“Is it true that all your residents are vampires?”

“What made you think that?” He asked back calmly.

“I ran into Jake after you went inside yesterday. We got talking and—”

You shuddered at the flash of yesterday's event. When Jaemin told you the secret of the residents. When he walked closer and looked at you like a meal. If it is not because of Sunghoon, you might not be able to enjoy a breakfast like this anymore.

“…Jake. How I’m not surprised anymore.” Your sudden silence made him understand where this went.

“Anyway, I’m curious, why was that alone enough to convince you? You seem so sceptical about travelling through the world and of the residence here.”

To be honest, two days ago you would’ve been more sceptical about the blood too. However, there comes a time where rationality is stretched too thin. Past that point, the fantasy must be true.

“Seeing is believing. I don’t doubt what I see with my own eyes. Moreover, I’ve experienced a number of inexplicable things since I opened that door. At this point, I’m ready to listen.”

No more scepticism. You’d decided. Whatever Heeseung or Miyoung told you now, you would accept. Experienced one near death experience was enough for you.

“Let’s start from the beginning.”

Apparently, you’re the only person that comes here through that door. The moment the other residents woke up, they were already here—it was his doing. Everyone who Heeesung brought here has agreed to a certain condition of his, and it was a taste of eternity. They all were human until they arrived at this mansion, died with regrets, or left with something unfinished.

They were offered a second chance. They might have died in their world, but they are alive here. As a vampire.

“Onto my next question: Are you two vampires as well?”

“Miyoung is the only human other than you in this mansion. We met while abroad and invited her to stay,” said Heeseung.

“Rest assured. I’ve never once died.”

“How about you?” The man only smiled, purposely leaving that question unanswered. One flash of those red eyes and you found yourself unable to press him further.

He said Miyoung is the only other human. But, that’s not right, is it? The words Sunghoon said last night ringing inside your head. You thought he was telling you he was human. Were you wrong?

“What about Sunghoon?” Heeseung frowned. Your question made him pause.

“He’s… an exception. I did not offer him any contract; I have no memory of inviting him here at all.”

“That means he shouldn't be alive in this world, right? How did he get here?”

“He simply arrived one day, out of the blue. In fact, it shouldn’t be possible that he’s here with all of us. It surprised the rest of us. He doesn’t know why he is alive again and he’s incomplete.”

Incomplete—physically trapped between human and vampire. A demi-vampire. That explains why he said he was like you. He must see himself more like a human than a vampire.

“That’s enough!” You turned, hearing that familiar deep voice. “Who said you could talk about me behind my back?”

Heeseung calmly looks at Sunghoon as the demi-vampire walks toward the table, glares at the pureblood vampire across you with hate.

“She was going to learn the truth eventually. You could say I saved you the trouble. Unless… you were attempting to hide the information from her for some reason?”

“Stop insinuating when you know I wasn’t.” Sunghoon sighs as he turns away from Heeseung to you. “Glad you took my advice about not being alone.”

Not after what happened last night. Nope, you’re not going to get yourself in that situation anymore. Something about that cocky smile on Sunghoon's face just now irked you.

“Sunghoon, I have a proposal.”

“… I’m not gonna like this.” Sunghoon frowned even before Heeseung said his request.

After the breakfast with Heeseung finished, you follow right behind Sunghoon back to the mansion. Your newly appointed guardian had been silent since he accepted Heeseung's proposal. He was fast, but his black tuxedo stood in stark contrast to the green garden verge.

“Wait, Sunghoon!” You run toward him as Sunghoon halts. He waits while you catch your breath. A jog shouldn’t have winded you. But with the long feet he has, you really had to chase him down. “There’s something that I wanted to tell you.”

“What’s it?”

“First, I needed to say thank you. Second, I’ll try my best to not be a chore for you. I’d like us to get along.”

You automatically bow. But you realised it wouldn’t mean much to him. Will a handshake do? You thrust out your hand.

“Lift your head.” You raise your eyes to his brown undeniably human eyes. Sunghoon accepts your hand—not to shake it, but kiss it, like the gentleman in those movies. It was a slow, purposely action. “Since I’ve accepted the job, I swear to protect you. So, make sure you don’t get into trouble, chore.”

“You indeed think of me as a chore!?”

“You’re welcome to prove me wrong.” He grins and begins to walk off.

You don’t like that imperious attitude, earned or not. And yet, you couldn’t forget the gentlemanly kiss he’d placed on your hand. Your hand still tingles from the touch of his lips. Lips that then curved into a confident smile.

Why do you find him so frustrating?

On the other hand, Sunghoon couldn’t help but find you quite amusing. It’s been a while since the last time he met someone as interesting as you. A clap suddenly interrupted Sunghoon's though, making him stops and turns to the culprit.

“What a good show back there.”

Jake don’t stop clapping until Heeseung glares at him. “What do you want now?”

“‘First, I needed to say thank you. Second, I’ll try my best to not be a chore for you’. She’s good. Nice and sweet to the point I just want to sink my fangs right into her!”

“Try it and lose them,” warns Sunghoon.

However, Jake being Jake, he ignores the warning and still playfully teases the demi-vampire.

“Anger doesn't look great on your face, you know. Say Hoonie, you never answer me why were you trying to help [Name] at that night? She was a stranger to you and thought it would be more fun if we fed on her.” Jake’s eyes sparkled; he was enjoying his little game.

Sunghoon pulls Jake’s collar shirt and grips it tightly. If he was angry before, he is furious now.

“It was to keep her away from you. Satisfied?”

“Looks like the lion is waking up~”

“…You can’t stop turning everything into one of your little games, can you?”

Sunghoon shoves him away before he walks away. Jake touches his lips in thought. You’re defenceless, and Sunghoon has a history of learning how to protect the defenceless. But is it really the reason? He couldn’t help but think Sunghoon must be wanting to set you free because you’re human, in terms of himself.

iii.

You had finally come to terms with this mansion and its supernatural residents. Though you are Heeseung's guest, you persistently want to assist Miyoung in her duties. At least, it is the only thing you could do besides doing nothing for a month and maybe paying back for Heeseung's hospitality, you thought.

Miyoung has told you a few things that you need to know about the residents, in case you happen to face them under some circumstance.

Though vampires appear human, physiologically, they are different creatures with their own needs and aversions. Garlic and holy objects didn’t have any effects on them. They’re just sensitive to sunlight; they can stay under the sunlight but not for a long time. They also take nourishment from blood and they have extended life spans.

She also presented you with a cart with two decanters; one was filled with what looked like a white wine called ‘Blanc’ that served as a blood substitute, the other contained an opaque red liquid which is real blood. These are only consumed when they’re starting to feel thirsty, better than having to drink blood straight from the body.

Your first task of the day was to wake Sunghoon who’d miss breakfast. You raise your hand to knock on the door but hesitate. Miyoung had warned you, there is a time when the demi-vampire can’t be woken up by a mere knock on the door. If he doesn’t answer after the third knock, you can just enter his room and wake him up.

You knocked once, in case you’d got the wrong door before knocking it twice more. Hearing no response, you opened it.

Surprised was written on your face as you saw Sunghoon's room. It was impeccably clean, and though he had shelves of books and papers, everything was put away properly. The demi-vampire himself was found still sleeping on the table in an uncomfortable position. He must have fallen asleep while reading.

“Sunghoon? Sunghoon!” He’s not even stirring. You try to call his name again, this time while shaking his body.

“Mm… mmm?” You could tell he sensed daylight because he scrunched his eyes harder. You shake him again, but this time with more gentleness. “Hey, wake up!”

“What is it?” He blinked at you. “Oh, morning [Name].”

“Morning? It’s already noon! A few more hours and I’d be saying good evening," scold you. "Anyway, doesn’t your back hurt from sleeping like that?”

“[Name]…” He shushed you and raised up just enough to curl his arm around the back of your head. “… Seals that mouth of you.”

Sunghoon pulls you with surprising strength and kisses you. You push at his chest, but you might as well have push on a wall. His lips locked onto yours. It quite shocked you. Just as you’d had enough— he let you go.

“You… you…” You touched your lips, and they were warm. Nowhere near the temperature of your rage.

Sunghoon has stolen your first kiss!

“What are you doing here?” Sobered up, he asks you casually before gazes at you, mystified. “You look feverish.”

“I’m certainly sick of you. How can you-! Urgh, just get up already.”

Still boiling over, you march out of his room. Leaving the demi-vampire confused, “What’s her problem, huh?”

The rest of the day, you busied yourself with work. You went to wash the dishes, then did the laundry. When even that wasn’t enough to work out your anger, you spent your time in the library where a whole forest of books to dust. This should keep you busy for a week. Just four week of this and you’re home!

“You’re trying to kill those books or clean them?”

You recognize the speaker, who was sitting on the floor though there were couches and chairs nearby. He is no other than Jay, one of the residents that almost rarely interacted with you but always spent his time bricking with Sunghoon.

“I might have been imagining the books as a certain someone. I’m sorry to disturb you.”

“You’re not disturbing me. What happened?” Jay asks. “It’s not that important.”

“Right. However, it looks to me like you want to talk about it.”

Something about his eyes makes it feels like he already knows everything that’s wrong. If that was the case. then what was the harm in telling him, right? You ended up telling him everything, everything that makes you mad, including the incident with Sunghoon.

“I see. You ran into one of his bad habits.”

“Bad habit? You mean…”

“Yeah, he’ll kiss anyone like that in the morning. Back then, I’m the one who used to wake him up, and I often annoyed him while pretending to kiss him if he didn't wake up to the point he was not scared to kiss anyone he found annoying. So, yeah, it’s kinda my fault too.”

He laughs a little before continuing, “Everyone tried to pass the job off to someone else. Looks like it was your turn now.”

“I see…”

“Anyway, I’ll tell you something good about this place,” Jay speaks like a man excited to share the secret location of a cavern of jewels. He looks different from the quiet impression you got on the first day. “Everyone here can be a handful. So we developed this system-”

But then he smirks, eyes indicating the library door the very moment it opened. You turn around only to see Sunghoon strides up to you. He just pulls your hand, taking you away from Jay without letting you throw any protest.

Though he doesn’t say anything, his eyes tell you how badly he wants you to come with him.

Jay stands and watches as Sunghoon led you out. But, you could have sworn you heard him say, “enjoy your trip.”

Sunghoon briskly guides you out of the mansion, which reminds you of the time when you two were back in that first night. The night where he was just the brown-haired saviour that promised to help you escape.

“Get on,” Sunghoon instructs you.

You look at the horse and then back to him in confusion. You clearly don’t want to, still not understanding the situation you got into. It kinda made him frustrated. He sighs before grips your waist and hoists you up.

The next thing you knew, you were on the horse with Sunghoon, sitting in his lap. “And we’re off.”

“Huh? Wait, we’re going somewhere? Where?”

“Somewhere. Just hold on tight, this will not be a smooth road trip.”

Accompanied by the clop of steel-shod hoofbeats, Sunghoon and you left the stables to the opposite road to get to the city. You two are now racing into the countryside.

Though Sunghoon held you tight, the wind was strong to the point it seemed to cut your cheeks. You aren't safe riding like this at all. You grip his clothes for dear life, but daring yourself, you turn to face forward.

He seems to notice your fear. But fear isn’t a constant state, and without you noticing, it faded away. It was around that time that the ride ended.

“We’re here.”

Sunghoon helps you to get down. Then you follow him a few steps until you reach the top of a hill. Flowers carpeted the field below you, blooming as far as the eye could see. You couldn't help but be amazed in awe, unconsciously letting a little “wow”.

“I’m glad this could cheer you up.”

His eyes search the field, finding a spot where the flowers are thin to sit. It is like sinking into a fantasy world. The flowers are so much larger, so much more beautiful when sitting among them.

“Finally, you’re smiling,” he mutters.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.” He’d been looking at you, now he looks up at the dark sky and the stars above.

“Why did you bring me here?”

It takes a moment until he finally speaks. “This morning, well…”

He still doesn’t dare to look you in the eyes. His ears turn red as he says, “I brought you here to apologise for accidentally kissing you this morning. Living with someone like Jake and Jay planted a bad habit in me. You might have heard it from Jay about it, right?”

You nod. You also have something more relevant to ask.

“Which one of them told you?”

“Miyoung did. Right after she saw what you were doing to Jake's laundry.“

You sure didn’t say anything to Miyoung, yet she found out anyway.

Wait. She had to have known about Sunghoon’s kissing tendencies when she asked you to go wake him up. But, she still asked you to do it without giving any warning.

Before you have the chance to be mad at Miyoung, Sunghoon holds up a hand and begin ticking down fingers. “Jake told me because of the laundry. Jay saw you during lunch. And Heeseung cornered me afterwards-”

“Hold on.” You cut him up. “It sounds like everyone knew. How did they all find out?”

“You can’t keep a secret in this place.”

It’s not like you’re upset that everyone knows about the kiss. Especially if Sunghoon's gotten the rest of them once already. Not being able to keep a secret around here sounds more dangerous anyway. You got a good look at his eyes and the poor man actually looked a little panicked.

Come to think of it, he is a man of few words. Action first questions later. When you first met, he’d taken your hand as if that told you everything you needed to know. What you felt for him was warm, but it most definitely wasn’t anger. Not anymore.

You are, you daresay, comfortable with the idea of being around him again. Happy, even.

“You’re forgiven. For all of it.” He smiles at the fact you forgave him. “As long as you slow down on the ride back.”

“The hardest treaty I’ve ever made.”

“Don’t make fun of me, I got horse-sick.”

“…Horse-sick?” He can't help but laugh hard. And once he started laughing, he couldn’t stop. He doesn’t know why but it had been a while since the last time he heard a word like that.

You frown at him for about one second and then laugh too.

A Park Sunghoon who sometimes sleeps all day and kisses whoever tries to wake him, who couldn’t even apologise to someone without a long horse-ride first, and who has the most delightful laugh you’ve heard in a long time. You are glad to have been able to meet him on this journey.

In a meadow stippled with wildflowers, the azure sky turned night-dark above you as Sunghoon and you keep talking. It was perhaps the first real conversation you’d had since meeting each other.

iv.

That's it. You’d completed your work for the day and couldn’t wait to get to your journal. Getting used to the environment you lived in this world, you’d started keeping more notes of your time here. Today, you had so much to write about, especially at the new discovery of Warlington you learned from Miyoung.

As you walk back to the mansion, you see Jay waiting by the door.

It’s rare to see him outside, you thought. Or anywhere, really. He was looking longingly at the driver. You knew you guys had a private driver who lived just outside the mansion—in fact, he was currently drowsing in his seat.

It looks like Jay wanted to go somewhere, but felt bad to bother the tired man.

“Jay?” Jay looks up from the man as he hears his name being called. He looks flustered.

“Huh? Oh, It’s you. Don’t startle me like that. And don’t tell anyone about it, too.” You couldn’t help but chuckle. If he hadn’t been fixated on the driver, you wouldn’t have been surprised. Who would have thought you would have a chance to see the infamous prankster Jay surprised like that.

Jay wakes up the driver and gets into the car, then asks you, “Are you done with work?”

“Yes. Why do you ask?”

“Are you doing anything else?” He asks again.

“I was going to… Actually, no, never mind.” There is no way you would tell him about the journal. “Is there something you need?”

“Do you want to come? I’m going to see Sunghoon.” At the mention of Sunghoon's name, your eyes lit and it didn't go unnoticed by Jay. Which makes him raise his eyebrow in a teasing manner. No one in this mansion doesn’t know about how close you two were lately.

“You two are always together, so I thought, You know…”

“I will pretend to not hear the last one, but, sure. I’ll come with you.”

The car takes off at a brisk pace toward the city. While on the way to your destination, you couldn’t help but wonder. Sunghoon did disappear for a few hours every day.

You tried to ask Jay about it, but the only answer you got was a sarcastic reply.

“You’ll find out as soon as we get there.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“… Agreeing with me again. I still can’t get used to it.”

Amusingly, he smiles. Too bad the ride wasn’t long enough to figure out Jay's contrary conversational patterns. The car stopped at the entrance of a dingy alley which made you confused.

They are going to meet Sunghoon here?

As soon as you got out, you heard voices—

“Sunghoon hyung! Over here!” A child pulled Sunghoon's right hand as his other hand held the wooden sword you saw in his room before.

“Patience! I’m only one man.”

“Hyung, me next! I need some help with my stance.”

Where the alley widened, you saw Sunghoon, surrounded by children, young and old. Apparently, he spends his afternoon coming here to teach the children the basics of swordsmanship.

“Hyung!!! Look! I just mastered the technique you teach me!” A child that seemed older than most of the children there suddenly ran toward Sunghoon. The other children started to cry in protest on how it was not his turn yet.

Sunghoon looks at the child before letting out a sigh. What you didn’t expect from him is a flick on the forehead. It was not that hard, but you could see how the child’s forehead turned red.

“Nikki, that’s not exactly how I teach you to swing your sword. It will only hurt your hand before you are able to hit your enemy. And next time, wait for your turn. Understand?”

The boy named Nikki nods while pouting at Sunghoon. You’d see him stubborn, boyish, teasing, friendly. Now there was caring, with an almost paternal gentleness.

Jay looks at the eager young children with pity and sympathy as he explained to you. They were the children of the unfortunate and underprivileged. Pauper, in a word. Different from your world, they couldn’t go to school nor get any education here.

“Do you teach them something too?” You ask Jay.

“…I actually do. Since I used to be a singer, I teach them some basics. It wasn’t my idea, in case you’re curious.”

You two stand talking at the mouth of the alley when the man of the talk himself approaches.

“Jay, you’re here!” Sunghoon happily greets Jay before his eyes land at you. “And [Name]?”

“I brought her-”

“Oh, look! Jay hyung is here!!!” The children cut him off and ran to him. They drag him away from you and Sunghoon to teach them new songs.

Jay said it wasn’t his idea. But though he seems a little overwhelmed, you got the feeling he doesn’t mind. Setting in with the music, surrounded by children and their boundless, boisterous curiosity, he looked unexpectedly content.

“So, how did you end up coming here with him?”

“Jay invited me out of nowhere. Because, and I quote, you and I are ‘always together’.” Sunghoon looks at you in confusion for a second.

"Do we?"

"Well, it was your job to be my bodyguard after all."

While you two are talking, the oldest of the children who was scolded by Sunghoon before comes over. He looks at you with wide eyes. But then turned into cheeky, childish glee, before letting out an unexpected question.

“Are you two lovers?” Your breath hitch in surprise.

What was Sunghoon teaching him, exactly? How was that the first thing he asks when he meets a woman?

“You see, Nikki, we’re just-”

“Yes, we’re lovers.” You glances at Sunghoon in confusion.

He doesn't just cut you but also lie to a child. He even seems doesn’t mind your glare. He leans over to whisper to you, telling you that it was easier to lie than tell him the truth though you do not agree with him. Your heated whisper only seemed to affirm Nikki's guess about you two.

“Heh, I knew it! Mom and dad talk just like you do. Only lovers argue like that.”

“Did you hear that, sweetheart? I think so too, Nikki. But we always make up afterwards.”

You feel a chill at the nickname he used for you. He shot you a sly smile, and you wonder how he isn't bent over backwards with laughter at this point. He obviously enjoyed this too much.

Uninterested in continuing the conversation with 'your lover', you turned to Nikki. You notice the messy drawing at the handle of his wooden sword. Curiously, you point at the drawing and ask.

“What did you draw?”

“Oh, this?” Nikki looks at his wooden sword's handle before letting out an awkward smile. “This was supposed to be a gem like those in real swords. But yeah, somehow it turned out into something abstract. Just like how my other painting turned out.”

Ah, he actually has some interest in drawing.

“Anyway, shouldn’t you go to Jay? He was about to start now.” Nikki jolts in surprise as he confirms what Sunghoon just said. Without wasting any more time, he bids you goodbye and goes to Jay.

“That’s new.” You look at Sunghoon in confusion. His eyes still follow Nikki who was busy observing Jay.

What did he mean by new?

“Nikki was the oldest of the group. He is rarely willing to approach or talk to anyone besides me, Jay, and his group of friends. And usually, it takes weeks for him to be able to open up. So, seeing him talk with you comfortably like that was something new to me.”

You could only smile. Seeing how happy Nikki and the other children from a distance like this make you kinda understand how Sunghoon feels about them. They are precious and you want no other than to protect their little happiness.

Sunghoon's gentle eyes look into the distance. But whether it was the past or the future he was seeing, you couldn’t tell.

"Nikki actually reminds me of my past."

Apparently, Sungoon's childhood wasn’t the brightest like you thought, where he needed to work hard to be able to pay his own tuition and living expenses. He didn’t manage to enrol in a good school like what he was hoping for, but still, he met someone great and was able to learn more from them.

As you listen to Sunghoon, you realise that he was opening up about his past to you for the first time. He smiles painfully at the last memories he remembered about that good man as he looked at you apologetically. Before he could let out what he wanted to say, a pitiful strained-sounding plea interrupted you two for help.

“Yah! Sunghoon! A little bit… assistance, please!”

Jay is surrounded by a lot of boys and gripping on one of the wooden swords with both of his hands.

“Why is Jay holding a sword?”

“You must never let children get bored. Let’s save him before he hurts himself. Let’s go, our little school could use a third teacher.” Sunghoon grins and grabs your hand, not letting you make any protest.

And ever since that day, you started to spend your free time visiting the children. Sometimes alone, sometimes accompanied by Sunghoon. You even didn’t forget to bring the kids some snacks that you made with the help of Miyoung which they enjoyed very much.

“Noona, you come!”

“Eonnie!”

The moment you arrived with a basket of bread, their eyes always lit up as they ran toward you. You happily greet them, handing them the bread one by one. However, it didn’t take you long to notice the leftover bread. Who hadn’t gotten the bread yet?

“Nikki didn't come today.” You look up as Sunghoon answers your question. He knew you were wondering about the oldest kid.

Then the two of you found it weird. Nikki never missed any training before. He even promised you to come today to show you something cool. So, why? Why did you feel uneasy about it?

“Guys, I don’t think you would like to hear this,” You two turned your head to Jay in surprise. “But this is about Nikki.”

Jay takes you and Sunghoon to Nikki's house. It is located not far from the alley, not more than 10 minutes by run. You just had to go straight, turn left around the corner, and if you see the simplest and cosy house on your right side, that means you have arrive.

However, the boys suddenly stop on their track, looking at each other with a nod and pull you behind them protectively. You might not be able to smell it, but they clearly knew what the smell hitting their nose was.

Blood. And it wasn’t in a small quantity.

Something was wrong.

The way Jay and Sunghoon acted made you feel that something wrong must have happened inside the house.

“Is everything alright?” You ask.

“Stay behind us.”

Jay pushes the door lightly and notices that it wasn’t locked. He enters the house cautiously, followed by Sunghoon and you. The house is completely empty without any sign of a human being. A tense, palpable silence hung in the room and you looked around the room. That was a big mistake.

Right in front of you, a man was lying lifeless in his own pool of blood. You are stumbling back in shock and almost falling down had it not been for Sunghoon holding onto you quickly.

“Mr. Nishimura!” Jay's eyes widen as he runs toward the body and examines it. “His death was caused by blood loss. Someone must have attacked him with a knife since the wound around his lower back doesn’t match any weapons I know.”

“Are you alright?” Sunghoon asks as he hugs you, shielding you from the horrid sight. “You don’t look good.”

You don’t. The stench of Mr. Nishimura's blood was overpowering your olfactory senses. You could feel yourself ready to throw up any minute just from recalling it. But then, you remembered your purpose for coming here.

“Nikki! We need to find him!”

Two horses took off, like arrows released from a bow. Worry could be seen on your face as the sky grew dark as you rode around the city to search Nikki. After all, he was just a kid and it must have traumatised him.

You three stop riding and running. Run until you reach the door of an old library that you hadn’t checked yet. Sunghoon pushed them open-.

Rows of an evenly spaced bookshelf filled the floor around you. The stained-glass window looks down at you as it allows the moonlight to illuminate the dark library. In the centre of all, stood Nikki with a mysterious man dressed in black.

His small face twisted in wrath.

“Nikki!” You are about to run toward Nikki, to pull him away from a potential murderer, but Sunghoon stops you. “[Name], don’t move.”

"But, Nikki—"

“Look at his hands.”

Nikki holds something that had been almost invisible in the glimmer of the moonlight. A weapon. It is a long-bladed knife. The red eyes and dried tears on his cheek tells you that he had been crying. He was so focused on the man before him to the point he doesn’t even notice your arrival.

However, the man did. His eyes languidly moving to the open door where three of you stand.

“… Customers? I’m sorry, but the library closed earlier today. You can visit again tomorrow morning.”

“Who is-?” Nikki's innocent eyes opened wide when he saw you all, and for a moment, he was once more the child you remembered.

“Hyung… Noona…”

“Nikki, I want you to come over to us. Slowly, carefully now.”

You look at him with a smile and extend your arm to him. But it doesn’t work. He shakes his head and looks at the man again, “I won’t! This man killed my dad.”

“… I believe he’s right about the culprit. Observe his neck.”

There’s a ring of red around his neck, marks on his flesh, just like what Jay pointed out. It looked like someone had tried to strangle him.

When you three visited the murder scene, Jay found signs of a struggle, Nikki's father fought back after being stabbed. It seemed he grabbed the man’s hood and tried to choke him, in a last attempt to stop his attacker. The man even made no attempt to conceal the bruise. Moreover, the smell of Mr. Nishimura's blood could be smelt on this mysterious man's body.

Some of the blood must have splattered on his clothes.

“It was an accident.” The man muttered. “Killing him, that is. But after I stabbed him, he was just so persistent. The others—they all thought to run or play dead. But, with this one, well, I had to defend myself. You understand, surely?”

“You claim self-defence against a man you stabbed?” It makes Jay scoff in disbelief.

“Why my dad? Why did you attack him?”

“Out of the people in this city, you mean?” He titled his head, looking at Nikki as if he was faced with some impossible puzzle. “Because he was the one I happened to pass by this morning, and he cluelessly invited me to his house. That’s all.”

“That’s it?” Nikki curls his fist in anger.

“By chance, my grandfather’s family was sent to prison. ‘By chance.’ It’s a fascinating thought, isn’t it? I like to imagine having that power—only imagine. That’s why I never killed anyone. I only wanted to see how they’d look.”

What a sick bastard. The casual way he talked about hurting people makes your stomach churn.

The man giggles. A muted, broken laugh. He looks down at Nikki with a sick smile, “Killing your father gave me a lot of pleasure. I never had this much fun before.”

Sunghoon is perfectly still. None of you was moving.

The truth of his dad’s death made the knife rattle in Nikki's trembling hands. His blood completely boiled in anger and hatred toward this man. A sick bastard who found killing was fun.

Jay glances at Sunghoon, giving him a look that clearly asks him to do something about Nikki. He was afraid something bad might happen to the child. But Sunghoon just stares at the scene before you, eyes utterly unreadable.

What ishe waiting for? Why does he seem ready to watch these tragic proceedings play out?

“Are you going to let Nikki commit murder? Do something, Sunghoon! Or else, I will stop him myself.” Jay raises his voice.

“He won’t do it. He can’t do it.” Sunghoon's eyes are on Nikki.

As he spoke, Nikki clutches the knife and steps forward on trembling legs. A gut-wrecking wail issued from his tear-streaked face. He runs toward the man.

Just as you thought Nikki would stab him, he slows down and comes to a stop. His arms fall to his sides, head bows-like a puppet whose strings had been cut. And he sobs with shaking hands tightening on the knife.

Sunghoon chooses that moment to speak. “Why did you stop, Nikki? Don’t you want to kill this man?”

“… I do.”

“Very well.” Nikki walks up the floor, his heavy boots leaving an impression on it like frozen ripples upon a lake of blood. He grabs Nikki by the shoulders and pulls him away. “Step back.”

Sunghoon withdraws a baton and swiftly kicks the man, bringing pain to his knee. When the man raises his head, Sunghoon’s baton tip is at his cheek. His eyes are empty of emotion as he looks at the man, cold as the steel of his weapon. Seeing a man’s vulnerable face and nothing else.

“All it would take is a few swings from me and this man would die.”

The tip was already prodding the man’s flesh. Though this baton couldn’t kill the man on the spot, with Sunghoon's strength it was enough to make the man suffer the unbelievable pain ‘till death.

“Say the words. Say 'Kill this man’, and I will kill him.”

Who was he? Where was the man you thought you knew?

All the horror you’d held back since arriving in this world came to you at once, unbidden, when you look in Sunghoon's eyes. You couldn’t seem to breathe.

Everyone was still. Except for the demi-vampire.

“Nikki is just a child!” You want to shout, but can’t due to your horror. While Jay could only whisper a prayer under his breath.

No one seems able to stop him.

Nikki let go of the knife he’d held. It drops to the floor with a thud. He turns away. From the man. From Sunghoon. From all of you. His body started to shake.

Sunghoon looks at him and opens his mouth, “Listen to me. Do not pull a blade on someone if you have not the intention nor the will to kill them. But, if you do kill, know that you forever carry the soul of the man whose life you took.”

The man laughed a dry, high-pitched laugh.

“I can’t believe it. You’re not going to kill me! You can’t do it any more than he can. Of course, a man who’s never killed before can’t possibly bring himself to—”

“Oh, I’ve killed before. I’ve killed more than you could kill in a lifetime.”

From relieved laughter, the man’s face shifts back into terror. So does yours. The fact that he had killed someone before made you shudder more in fear.

The library’s door suddenly opens with a loud bang. A shout and a dozen footsteps of police stomping up the library steps, followed by Jake in the back. He sends you a wink before pointing at the man to the police.

Everything happened so fast. The man was arrested and Nikki was taken in as a witness. When it was all done, the group of you were once more alone.

“Jake, thank you for having the good sense to call the police.”

“It’s fine, Jay. Sorry I didn’t get here earlier.”

It was a blur to you, you didn’t move. You weren’t sure you were able to. Until a tall shadow fell over you. Sunghoon. Blocking out the moon-light.

“Sunghoon…” He notices how pale you are and worries. You feel his hand come closer; you shivered. “Don’t-”

The word leapt out of you. Sunghoon's hand hangs empty in the air. You search for something, anything else to say to him. But you couldn’t find anything. Your hands were trembling and with that he left you with Jay and Jake.

That night, you all went back safely. You didn’t try to talk or even make eye contact with Sunghoon, completely avoiding him after what you just witnessed at the library.

Everyone seems to notice the tension between you two. Because the next day, while busy mopping the floor, Miyoung suddenly stops you and calls the driver. She pushes you inside the car to do a more important task and answers none of your questions, though you heard she say something to the driver.

“Where are you sending me?”

“To master Sunghoon, obviously. He’s been walking around with an air of utter gloom since last night.” You feel a pang of guilt and sorrow. “You two better solve your problems or don’t come back at all!”

With that, the car starts to move and leaves the mansion.

Looking out the car window, you see the sky grow madder red. You know you should use this time to figure out what you want to say to him, but you couldn’t think. It isn’t long at all before the car stops in town and in a blink of an eye, you are in a familiar back alley, painted with tall shadow casted by the sunset between buildings.

Out of the darkness, there is he. Speaking softly to Nikki—too soft for you to hear the words. You got closer and heard the sound of crying. He isn't alone, of course. There is Nikki too.

Sunghoon is kneeling by a weeping Nikki, curls up small and trembling before him. Even from this distance, you could clearly see the tears running down the child's face. Nikki couldn’t stop apologising to the demi-vampire even though he didn’t do anything wrong.

“What are you apologising for?” Sunghoon asks him.

“I hated him enough to kill him, but I was a coward! I couldn’t do it. I was too scared-”

“Of course you were scared.” Sunghoon puts an arm around Nikki and holds him gently as the boy cries. “Don’t say you are a coward. You’re exactly the way you are supposed to be.”

“What do you mean?”

You stand very still so as to not miss a single one of Sunghoon's soft-spoken words.

“Killing someone is no applaudable act. And I didn’t want you to kill him. I don’t want you to ever have to kill anyone.” His voice was gentle. The tenderness with which he spoke to Nikki almost broke your heart.

But Nikki, in his grief, didn’t see Sunghoon's face like you did. He had the look of the one who’d give up so much. Too much. You recognized that expression.

“Don’t-” Outside the moment, his face when you spoke was so clear to you. His shock. “All right… Let’s return.”

It was the first time you’d heard such grief and such sad resignation in Sunghoon's voice. He expects people to fear him. That’s why he spoke so harshly in the library and why he smiled so sadly after.

The smile of a man who knows he’s seen as a villain, and who counts the second until people make him pay for imagined sins. You’d fallen into that trap, and you regretted it. So much more than you could say.

Sunghoon knew. He knew that sadness. He knew crushing, hopeless despair. Right now, he looks so completely alone.

Yesterday, you got a glimpse of the kind of man desperate despair had made of him. And if you were fortunate, you would never have to understand that feeling completely. But you never wanted him to feel it again.

The reluctance you feel melts away when you see Sunghoon's smile as he watches Nikki run towards home. He stayed like that until the child left his sight.

“Sunghoon!” You begin to walk toward him once more.

Sunghoon looked up at you slowly, as if doubting what he’d heard. “[Name]? I didn’t expect to see you.”

You take a step toward him. Another. Preparing what you would say with each step. You want to talk. You want you two to talk again. Comfortably.

However, little did you know, something that is easy to obtain will easily disappear as well.

In the blink of eyes, there were two weeks left before the door to your world could be opened. Though you are happy to know that, deep inside your heart, you feel a little bit sad. Back to your own world means you wouldn’t be able to meet the boys, Miyoung, Nikki, and Sunghoon anymore.

Something about leaving Sunghoon alone didn’t sit quite well in your heart.

It makes you not want to go back to your world. But, could you?

Everything started to go normal again that day. Your routines, your relationship with the children, and the relationship with Sunghoon. Actually, it actually went better than you thought.

There was a time when Sunghoon wanted to try to make you some food from your hometown since you two and Miyoung were the only ones that could enjoy human food. He would spend his time in the kitchen with Miyoung to prepare everything while you sat in the garden, waiting for them to finish. Because of it, Jay often would say that the demi-vampire was so whipped for you.

But you knew better than anyone that it wasn’t true. Right?

At the entrance to the garden, Jay starts at his folded hands to avoid watching the sweetly smiling and giggling couple. He only could sigh, praying for a break in the conversation to call out either of you two.

“Oh, what’s this? Is it spring already?” Jake shows right beside Jay as he looks at Sunghoon and you. “It must be. Look, love is in the air.”

“Y’know what, I’ve never felt so glad to see you here.”

Jake chuckles, “I was starting to think that you hate me right before they became close like this.”

“Don’t make me change my mind, Jake.”

v.

Lately, Sunghoon felt something strange happen to his body.

He couldn’t describe it, but he did feel more irritable than usual. And no matter how many times he ate some food, he would still feel hungry and lethargic. He found it hard for him to stay around you. But, what else could he do?

He was your bodyguard and he couldn’t trust Jake enough to leave you alone whenever the flirtatious vampire was around.

Spending most of his time with you also made him have a soft spot for you, where he couldn’t deny your request whenever you gave him those puppy eyes. And look where it took him? Nowhere else but your side.

Just like any other day, Sunghoon had taken you to the flower field you visited before to watch the sunset. You are so happy to finally be able to escape the town and the mansion for a breather. You stay there with him until the sky turns dark, watching the sun slowly disappear between the mountains.

“Hey, [Name], could I ask you for something?” You look at him in wonder before nodding. Well, as long as it was not something ridiculous, you don’t mind. “Please don’t change.”

“What do you mean by don’t change? Please be more specific, Park Sunghoon.”

He chuckles while looking at the flower field in the distance, something that he rarely did even when he was alone. “I like having dinner with you, spending time with you in this flower field, and also at how you laugh just from a little silly thing. That’s what I mean as ‘don’t change’. Please stay as who you are right now. That's all.”

“I understand. We should get back now. It's almost time for dinner and I still need to help Miyoung prepare the meal.”

There is no response from Sunghoon. He just sat there, looking at the flower field like there would be no time for this anymore.

“I’m going to go back alone and leave you here without a horse. I really will!”

“… You know you would never do that.” He finally snaps out from his trance and walks toward the horse.

He looks at you with gorgeous eyes and delightfully wide smirk. Standing up slowly, you brush the grass off your skirt and pack up your picnic.

The whole journey to the mansion was silent. A comfortable silence. Neither of you had the initiation to start a conversation until you arrived at the mansion.

You quickly bid him goodbye and left him alone at the stables, missing the pained look that he couldn’t keep in anymore. He had been hiding it for a while now, at least not showing it in front of you.

“Sunghoon? Are you okay?” Heeseung, who happened to pass by, heard the cries and went to check the stables. He doesn’t expect to see Sunghoon in this state.

“I… thirsty. It feels painful. Make it stop!”

Heeseung quickly takes out the emergency rogue he had with him and shoves it towards Sunghoon. But, being stubborn he was, he pushed the rogue away from his sight. No matter how thirsty he was, Sunghoon would never touch or even drink that.

“Drink. You will only make it more painful if you refuse.”

“No. You know clearly what will happen if I drink it.” He firmly says. “It will make me lose the last humanity I have in me.”

And that means he would lose you, too. Sunghoon doesn’t want that to happen.

“You know sooner or later you need to let her go, right?” The older vampire paused as he looked at Sunghoon. “She will-”

“I KNOW.” He shouted.

“I know that, hyung. That’s also why I can’t let her know about this. Just let me endure it a little longer, at least until she goes back safely to her world.”

“…You’re stubborn.” Heeseung could only look at his friend with a sigh. “If you keep being stubborn like this, you will lose yourself first before you are able to send her back.”

"Don't worry. It will never happen to me," assures Sunghoon.

After the little runaway you had with Sunghoon last night, somehow you started to can’t sleep well—resulting in a throbbing headache as you woke up the next morning. Something about the blur nightmare you had made you a little bit worried. It wasn’t a normal nightmare like you had before, living in this world for almost three weeks made you sure of it. It felt like a warning, though you couldn’t remember it well what it was about.

Hoping the fresh air could help your head, you grab a broom and sweep the balcony. However, despite the throbbing headache you got, you couldn’t help but wonder about a certain person.

Sunghoon. He was nowhere to be found all day. You also find him acting a little bit strange lately like he was trying to distance himself from you. Heeseung even had taken it upon himself to wake him up this morning, and went to meet the children a little bit earlier today with Jay without you.

Was it your fault? Or had you done something wrong? Your fingers tightened around the broomstick at those thoughts. Let’s hope that was not the case.

Meanwhile, on the other side, Sunghoon was putting more attention to the children’s self-defence technique to the point he didn’t notice the playful gaze from Jay. He clearly notices something was occupying his friend's thought which obviously concerned you—if not, why else the demi-vampire has been avoiding you as much as he could?

Jay waits until all the children had scamp off to play and sat beside Sunghoon who appears lost in his thoughts. He waves his hand in front of Sunghoon's face a few times before deciding to shout his name again directly in the ear.

It not only successfully snapped Sunghoon out of his thoughts but also attracted some attention from people around the alley. Embarrassed, Sunghoon bows apologetically before raising his fist to Jay.

“I still can hear you clearly, Jay.”

“Where have you been for the last dozen minutes? It’s too early in the day for your head to be lost in the stars,” Jay pauses. “Wait, not a star, but someone.”

“Stop your nonsense. I’m not thinking about her.”

“Her? I didn’t say anyone though.” It takes a few seconds until Sunghoon's ear reddened at the realisation and shoves the laughing Jay away in embarrassment.

“No, I mean— Ugh… Stop laughing!” Jay calmed down a little before meet Sunghoon's eyes. “You’re in love with [Name], aren’t you?"

To say that Sunghoon was caught off guard by Jay's question was understandable. It must be written all over his face. However, there was more. He couldn’t help but repeat the gist of his conversation with Jake a few days ago.

Love is a gift until you have to part. "So, why are you trying so hard to push her away?”

Sunghoon know where this conversation is gonna take him. Looking at the blueish sky above him, he could only sigh. “I do love her.”

In his heart, you were clever and cute. Everything about you made him able to smile, even just with a thought of your smile. He was never able to understand the way your thought works. And before he knew it, you became all he thinks about.

But, did you feel the same way? Will you still choose him when the door connected to your world opens?

“Then, don’t let her go,” Jay breathes. “Tell her you love her, then the two of you can stay here in the mansion-”

“That’s not my decision to make.”

Sunghoon knew how much you missed your old life. Asking you to not open it means you will throw away your life and… you will regret it one day. He doesn’t want you to live in regret just because of his selfishness. He couldn’t bear it.

“…You love her that much.”

“I’ve decided to not play a hand in her decision. Even if it means she chooses to leave for good. And that-” Sunghoon points his finger at Jay. “-isn’t an invitation for you to ask her to stay on my behalf.”

“You know I can’t do that to you. I know my limit to interfere with people's lives.”

Sunghoon smiles sadly. When he opened his mouth next, it was with resignation. “The most important thing to do now is to treasure the present.”

Before you arrived, he wouldn’t have cared if he became a full vampire or not. He could barely tell the difference between a full and demi-vampire, so it didn’t matter to him. Until he met you. Your arrival made him think more about what it meant to stay human.

Treating time as if it was a precious commodity: eating meals together and feeling satisfied when they were over; talking about arts and drawing together, he could only do that because he was a demi-vampire. He hasn’t yet changed. And so he began to appreciate what he still had left from his human life. He wanted to stay human for you.

Sunghoon frowns, distressed. You and he don’t have much time left.

Little that they know, at the entrance to the alley, a car parked with two men inside. They watched Sunghoon and Jay talk to each other before going to play with the children.

The eyes of a mysterious man in light brown tuxedo widen at the sight in front of him. He grips the window so hard it seems he might break it. While the other male, who looked younger than his age, watched with hand-folded like a spectator at a playhouse. “… that’s him, Sunghoon!”

“You see, I spoke the truth. Park Sunghoon still lives.”

“But… how?” The man in light brown clutches his head, his fingers digging into his dark hair, face twisted in pain. “How can he be smiling like that?”

“I fear Sunghoon’s become sanguine in spirit, not in appetite. Do you wish to see him? Or do you wish to see the man who has taken his name?”

“…How do I reach him? How do I wake him, Jungwon?”

The younger male smiles, “Shall I offer you advice? Whether you find my advice fair or foul, it is certain to help. For inciting passions in men is my stock in trade.”

Jungwon studied Sunghoon as if he were words on-page. He mimed taking a pen in hand and drawing a line through him. But no one, not even this man in light brown, knew how Sunghoon's tale would end.

No one knew how cruel fate could be.

vi.

That noon, you are writing in your room when someone knocks twice on your door. You couldn’t help but wonder who it might be. You unlock the door and see Sunghoon there.

“Did I disturb you?” He asks while peeking inside your room.

“Of course not. What is it?”

“I have something to give you. Hold out your hand.”

Curious, you did as he asked. He places a stuffed toy dog in your hands. It was small and black, with buttons holding it together, and it was cute. You also didn’t fail to notice the folded paper that was attached to it.

“What’s this?”

“A little dog.”

“I can see that, Honnie.” You roll your eyes and chuckle. It’s not like you hate it, but Sunghoon has been giving you so many gifts lately. “What is this one for? Where did you find it?”

“Now you’re asking too many questions.” Most people were content with guessing, but you, only you went out of your way to ask. Not that he hates it, on the contrary, he likes it.

“I can’t help it. I want to know what the man in front of me is thinking.”

“Don’t you know curiosity killed the cat? Anyway, It’s not for anything particular. Jay and I passed a shop on the way back, and I happened to see this stuffed toy. It reminds me of you.”

“Is it because I’m cute?” You playfully asked him. “No, you’re annoying. Like Jay, but more endurable.”

You pout at his remark. While the culprit himself just laughed, letting you shove his body with a weak attempt until you thought it was enough. He looks at you with the eyes that keep captivating your mind and pinches your cheeks.

“Don’t be cranky,” He coos you. “You’re cute, okay. Now I want to see your pretty smile.”

Though you were still mad with his teasing, you couldn’t help but smile. The last words, it was the answer your heart hoped for and dreaded. He stops pinching your cheeks and lets out a yawn.

He then bids you goodbye and walks away toward his room. After losing sight of him, you close the door and lean back against it. Still holding the stuffed toy dog in your hands, you unfold the paper he gave you and smile. It was a drawing of you from the side, smiling brightly at something or someone.

It looks like returning home is going to be hard. Your heart was beating so fast that it ached. You were flushed and warm just at the thought of him. Why does he have to make it harder for you to not fall in love with him?

Time, as it turned out, doesn’t care that you were deeply conflicted. The day moved forward. A day closer to going home.

That morning you are busy talking with Jake about something when the door to the dining room creaks open, showing the confused Sunghoon as he walks toward you two.

“Morning! You slept in pretty late today, even for you.”

“I didn’t expect you to wake up on your own,” You agreed with Jake.

Yawning, Sunghoon glances at the tea sandwich you made on the table, grabs one of it and takes a bite. Immediately, he put his hand over his mouth with an odd look.

That’s a weird reaction, you thought.

“I think he doesn’t have the words to describe how good your sandwich is.” Jake chuckles at Sunghoon before bumped his shoulder to his friends, signalling him to say something to you.

“…Yes. Just like Jake said.”

“If you like it so much, you can have another. There are plenty.”

“I just remember that I have something to do. But I'll come back later for the sandwich.” Sunghoon shoots you a grin and turns to go. Stiffly, he closes the door behind him.

He went straight from the dining hall to Heeseung's room. And without a knock or something, he opens the door harshly. Heeseung calmly faces Sunghoon with a smile, like he had been waiting for his arrival.

“It’s rare to see you here, Sunghoon.”

“I need to ask you something, hyung. It’s very important to tell me everything you know.”

“You have my full attention.”

The last few days, Sunghoon has gone to sleep hungry though he remembered eating normally throughout the day. Not only that, but his throat was also so dry that it was painful and the thirst he felt before became worse from time to time. Even worse from the night when you two just back from the flower field.

Heeseung says nothing, his eyes observing Sunghoon dispassionately. He knew exactly what happened to the demi-vampire in front of him. But, even if he tells him the truth, Sunghoon would only deny it like last time.

Sunghoon meets Heeseung’s eyes with his own, pleading for an answer he could live with.

“You already know the answer.”

“Am I becoming a vampire? Am I changing after all this time?”

“To be honest, I have lived a long time, yet I have never encountered a vampire like yourself. Thus, all I can do is speculate.” Heeseung sighs before continuing.

“There is a reason Jay and Jake require a steady intake of blood. Call it ‘payment’ for their renewed life. That’s the natural law of the vampire world. You too have outlived your original lifespan. You understand it, right?”

It was not the reassurance Sunghoon had wanted to hear. “How do I stop it?”

“Too bad, you can’t stop it. You can only slow the process by avoiding consuming rogue in any form, including drinking for the living.” Heeseung's hands drop to his sides.

After a moment, Sunghoon manages a smile, though his balled fists were bone-white. With that, he left the room.

vii.

The weekend finally came. Jake and you went out to the city for some artistic inspiration. The sky was clear; the street lit with natural light—you were the only gloomy cloud.

Unlike what Sunghoon promised you, he didn’t come back to the dining room for the sandwich. He even didn’t eat much that day, which kinda worried you.

“You, okay?” Jake askes in worry. His gentle voice called you back to the present.

“Yeah, just thinking about something. It didn’t matter.” Jake smiled softly at you.

From outside, Jake might look like someone that is annoying. His flirting nature made people around him feel uncomfortable sometimes. However, once you know him better, you will understand that it was his way to show people how much he cared for them. He was a caring person that loves piano and photography, liked to hang out with Heeseung, and occasionally annoyed Sunghoon or Jay whenever he pleased. You even became his recent victim.

One more thing about Jake that you notice, he has an irresistible smile. Most women are drawn to him like a moth because of it. If you weren’t in love with Sunghoon and the bad impression you had about him, you might become one of those women.

“Anyway, let’s go to that bookstore. I think I saw the book that I had been looking for.”

Thanks to Jake, you could forget about Sunghoon for a while. Your mind feels more refreshed as the walk continues.

Just then, someone grabs you away from the main road. You were thrown over a car before you could react. It takes the breath right out of you. You tried to see who’d grabbed you but failed to get any detail of your kidnapper’s face. A dark hood and the light behind his head conspired to shadow his features.

“Put me down!”

“You better shut your mouth if you don’t want to lose your precious life.” A deep familiar accent. But not a voice you know.

“I don’t know who you are, but release her immediately!” You look at Jake with panicked eyes.

“Jake, run! Get help!” You plead and tell him to go. But, he seems to have another plan in his mind.

“Begone.”

“I’m not going anywhere, not until you let go my friend.” Jake swung his bag of music sheets at the hoodie man’s face. The attack catches the man by surprise, and Jake uses this moment to grab his arm, trying to pull the man off the car before the engine turns on.

Suddenly, there was a clicking sound. The man had drawn a gun to Jake’s face.

You stop him right before he could pull the trigger. “Stop… I’ll go with you.”

“[Name]!”

“Just do as he said, Jake. I’ll be fine.”

You know what Jake is capable of. He might be a vampire, but it is still dangerous to show it in public. Moreover, he was unarmed. He's just gonna get hurt if he stays. Instead, Jake needs to get out of here and tell the others about this.

Leaving his supplies behind, Jake runs at full speed to your waiting car. He told the driver where Sunghoon was supposed to be. Soon, he found him at Leeum Museum of Art.

“Sunghoon!”

“Jake? What are you doing here?” Sunghoon looks at Jake.

“[Name], she—” Jake explains the whole situation in panic. He even sent the driver to alert the police, but he doesn’t know if they couldn't help find you.

Sunghoon listened with a grim expression, fists unconsciously balled in anger. Without wasting any more time, he thanks Jake and runs off the museum art.

On the other side, your kidnapper just unceremoniously tosses you to the floor. Not care even a bit about the impact that went all through your body.

Where are you? You are not even sure how long you ride. You are so disoriented. Eventually, your eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room you found yourself in.

It looks like an old cabin or maybe a warehouse. It was dusty with disuse. The hoodie man comes in after you and stands in the doorway to block the exit. He draws his gun once more and points it at your face. He walks closer to you until it touches your forehead and loaded the gun.

“You better not think of getting away just because I don’t tie both your hands and feet. You might not be able to do it because these bullets will kill you first.”

You want to say, “there is a first time for everything.” but you know you are at a disadvantage with this one.

The way he holds the gun shows that he had experience in this matter. You need some other advantage. You begin to talk, though your voice shakes.

“Why did you kidnap me?

“If you think you can ransom me with money, you’re wrong. I’m not interested in that,” says the man.

“Then, what are you interested in?”

“… inspiring wrath. There is a man I need to awaken. And you’re the key to doing so.” He’s not making any sense, you thought. Why would you be the key to something you didn’t understand? “I’m going to wake him up by killing you.”

What?

A glint. That is the only warning you got. The man pulls the trigger and lucky enough, you darts out of the way just in time before the bullet hits your head.

“Don’t run or you will make your death more painful than it was supposed to be.”

You backed away. One step. Two steps. You do your best to avoid the bullets. Your legs are like useless sticks. You push yourself along the wall with your hands, only for the man to back you into the corner. You want to look for an escape, but your eyes are fixed on the gun in the man’s hand as he loads the gun and aims at you.

The last thing you do is flinch. In your fear, you barely hear the sound—

Someone sweeps into the room, and for a moment, it's as time stops. You hear your shallow breath in the stillness. Nothing came to you, not even a sound of the gun could be heard.

You open your eyes and see your saviour there.

“Sunghoon…” Sunghoon has his arms around you, shielding you. “Sorry, I’m late.”

Seeing is believing. Yet, you still can’t believe it. It was a miracle that Sunghoon came right before death greets you. You didn’t miss the glare he sent to the man like he knew and despite him to the bone.

“You came after me, Park? Don’t you remember what a mistake it is? Almost as grievous as showing your back to the enemy!” The hoodie man pulled the trigger at Sunghoon who has his back to him, protecting you. You can see how much pain he feels just from the groan he let out, arms still locked tightly around you.

“Are you going to stand there while I make holes into your body?” He keeps shooting at Sunghoon, again and again.

“You’re a disgrace, Park. Choosing to spend your life by drawing and devote it to a mere human like her. Do you forget who you are!?”

Sunghoon grits his teeth, unflinching as the hoodie man shoots him again.

Blood. You can feel your hand full of Sunghoon's blood as you accidentally touch his now blood-soaked clothes. He can’t move without putting you in danger. But that also means he is gonna die soon or later if this continues.

“Sunghoon… stop, please” You plead to him to not scarify himself for you anymore. He only smiles and tells you that everything is okay.

Of course, you know it’s not.

The moment the man pulls the trigger again, you grab Sunghoon's outer, just like you’d grabbed his bed sheet so many times, and throw it over the man. Your plan worked. The man steps back to rip the outer off himself.

Sunghoon, with his speed, has his baton out and drops the gun away from the man’s hand with it.

“You-”

“Don’t move.” A boot scuffed the floor as the man took a step back. “I said don’t move.”

Sunghoon sweeps his baton up, just as the hoodie man moves out of his way. But the baton gets caught inside the hoodie and tugs down the hoodie of his head.

A glimpse in the darkness. You glimpse the man’s eyes, shining with unnatural light and filled with mad rage. He stared at a moment before disappearing faster than your human eyes could see.

But your attention quickly diverted at the sudden hissed in pain that Sunghoon let out. He fell to his knees.

“Sunghoon!” You catch and ease him to the floor, holding him in your arms. His back is slick and wet from the blood. Your hands are slick too with the same horrible liquid.

“[Name]… are you hurt?”

“I’m not. You’re protecting me the whole time, don’t you remember? And now you’re hurt because of me.” Your heart is beating too loud for you to think. You wish you could yell at it to shut up.

Stay calm. Remember the emergency first aid. You remind yourself.

Looking around, you try to find a cloth to staunch the blood with. Sunghoon is bleeding too badly to move and there isn’t any sign his wound would heal any sooner.

The second you try to stand up, Sunghoon howls in pain as if your leaving his side caused him agony. He grabs at you, catches your arms. With his other hand, he grabs your collar and pulls you to him with wild desperation. he is panting, hissing through the clenched teeth. And that’s when you see it.

Fangs. With his laboured breathing, they are unmistakable. He is in pain, and he has a look in his eyes you’d seen before. It reminded you of the first encounter between you and Jake, like how predators look at their prey.

“Sunghoon, I need you to answer me,” You breathe. “Do you need blood? Will it help you?”

“N-no… I don’t… I don’t need blood.” He shakes his head in denial. But his eyes tell you a different story. He is still bleeding out in your hands.

Vampires require fresh blood when they suffer injury. If blood wouldn’t save him, you didn’t know how else to keep him alive.

“Tell me the truth.” He says nothing.

“Please, Sunghoon, let me save you!” You don't want to let him die like this, especially after all the times he protected you. “You saved my life! Please, don’t make me watch you do this to yourself!”

He finally looks up at you, sadly. He leans closer and whispers. “Listen… [Name]… I’ve been… changing. I’m becoming a vampire. If I drink blood… there will be no more holding it back.”

Is that why he didn’t want to drink? But what could be so horrible about becoming a vampire that he'd rather died? You’d lived with vampires. You’re rather here with a vampire Sunghoon than a dead one.

Was it because of you?

“Look, I can’t speak for you. But I know I’d prefer you to do anything, even become a vampire, if it means living!”

“Do not say that!” You are shocked into silence. You’d never heard him sound like that. So rawly vulnerable.

His hand is shaking. “I don’t… want to become… a full vampire. I’m… I’m afraid.”

“But why?” There are so many questions you want to ask. What was he possibly afraid of to the point he doesn’t want to change?

“Because I met you… and I’m afraid of losing this. If I become a full vampire, time will stop passing for me the way it does for you. We will never be able to share the same meal and smile when we are satisfied…” His breath is ragged.

“It may sound silly to you, but… I love doing those things with you.”

But why, why would he die for these things?

Memories of that night in the flower field to your mind to answer your questions.

“Hey, [Name], could I ask you for something?” You looked at him in wonder before nodding. Well, as long as it was not something ridiculous, you didn’t mind. “Please don’t change.” “What do you mean by don’t change? Please be more specific, Park Sunghoon.” He chuckles while looking at the flower field in the distance, something that he rarely does even when he is alone. “I like having dinner with you, spending time with you in this flower field, and also at how you laugh just from a little silly thing. That’s what I mean as ‘don’t change’. Please stay as who you are right now. That's all.”

You now understand why it’s important to him. You haven’t realised just how much he’d poured out his heart to you that night. The little joys of everyday life. The nice things, but they’re so commonplace you stop paying attention to them for a while.

Sunghoon had lost those a long time ago. Trying his best to forget his painful past alone.

“[Name]… I know I will have to part soon…” He touches your cheek with a bloody hand, pushes himself up until he could look you in the eyes. “…I only wanted to stay the same as you… until that time came. I… love you.”

Sunghoon completely stole your heart with those words. He had so often teased you about love, with a laugh, with a smile. To say it and mean it now was too cruel.

“ I love you too much… That's why I can’t drink your blood. Do you understand me?”

“No! Never! And I don’t ever want to understand” Your desperate breath mingled with his.

You do understand how much he loves you. Which is why you aren't backing down. You clasp the bloodstained hand that cupped your cheek with your blood hand.

“I don’t care about your past, no matter what it was, you were just the man in front of me. Whether the man is a vampire or not! I don’t care if you become what you think is a monster. Nothing can change my feelings for you. As long as you live, no matter what form you take, the time we spend together will not change. I promise you, I won’t let it.”

You want to ignore your feelings. But you couldn’t, not when you are so close to losing him. You are in life with Sunghoon, and you are not gonna deny it again. You shouldn’t fight it in the first place. Your love was destined, just as you were drawn to that door, you were drawn to him.

“Park Sunghoon, I love you too. I love you more than you think and I’m not ready to let you go.” Your voice trembles with love for him. “Take my blood. Now.”

Sunghoon refuses to bite you and speeds his change to a vampire because he loves you. Whereas you would do anything to keep him alive in any form because you love him. Though they are different, both your wishes come from the same place.

“Do it.” You unbutton your shirt and brush aside your hair, exposing your neck to him. “Drink my blood.”

Though he tries his best to restrain himself, his instincts slowly take control over his body. He strains and snarls like a hungry wolf. Sharp fangs glistened; his breath on your skin was hot. He swore to protect you, and you know he would never hurt you; you trust him.

“…And whatever you happen to become afterwards- just continue protecting me. Keep living for my sake.”

“You know… I never break my promise.”

“I don’t want you to. Which is why I said it.” He laughs a bitter laugh; you see blood trickled down his lips. It’s now or never.

Sunghoon leans down and draws his fangs down your neck as if to get used to the idea. The rake of his warm teeth across your skin. You shudder, then begin to tremble.

“Tell me, can you do the unspeakable?”

Is it an unspeakable act to drink the blood of another mortal to live? Or is it a true taboo falling in love with someone from another world—someone you never should meet? Which of these fit his definition of unspeakable? You have committed one sin and are on the cusp of another.

If judgement awaits you two at death, perhaps you will both have a lot to repent for. But, you’ll deal with that when it comes. For you, damnation was being without him.

“At least, we will be damned together.”

His fangs sank into you. Two sharp pin pricks of pain. A soft cry slipped out of you. The pain becomes more intense as he sinks deeper. Warmblood seeps out of you from the wound. Which he laps up, warm tongue caress on your neck. He sucks hungrily where he had bitten.

Your blood flowed faster into him, nourishing him, sustaining his life. And you feel something else. A subtitle warmth, starting from your neck, gaining power as it rapidly coursed through your body. You gasp.

The heat grow, turns into fire. Every nerve in your body is awake and affected. You couldn’t describe this feeling. Pleasure like you’d never felt before.

“Are you okay? Do I need to stop?” You shake your head no. “It just feels a little bit weird. Like I’m not myself.”

Sunghoon is panting, not in pain, but in his passion, another need now in his eyes. He pulls you close, whispering your name with a stern, yet soft voice. You look into each other's eyes and for a moment, he couldn’t hold himself anymore. He finally lets out all his desire that he had pent up for you and kisses you. You close your eyes, letting yourself drown to the feeling of his soft lips.

It was nothing like his sleepy morning kiss. His lips are warm, alive, and knowing. Deep into each other until you lost to all but your long-suppressed passion.

How could the touch of lips connect two people so perfectly?

You open hazy eyes to see him once more. Sunghoon brushes a spot of blood off your lips with his thumb and kisses it. Then, he embraces you. He holds you so tightly it's almost painful.

As you lose the fight to stay awake, you distantly hear someone speak.

“…Forgave me.”

© 2022 knwsoft

[s-hera]

Give me an explanation!

~ Characters. Bonten!Rindou Haitani & Ran Haitani x Fem Reader! (Separate)

~ Tags. 18+, Mention of Cheating, Smut, Semi-public sex. Ran part is sanzu's fault, typo, grammatical error.

~ Wc. 1.7k

~ An. Sorry for the not detailed smut on rindou's part, I'm sleepy and shit but I might write smut soon so I can make it up to y'all.

Ran Haitani

Ran doesn’t tolerate jealousy. He’s the kind of man who don’t want his s/o to be jealous to anyone, he wants his s/o to trust him. He also know that it’s kinda hard to trust him since he slept with many woman before. Just one chance, give him one chance and trust him. He won’t break your trust, NEVER. He loves you very much that he would even ditch koko and sanzu’s invitation to the bar. 

“No, i’m busy and also y/n is enough for me.”

“You’re so killjoy haitani. This is like the tenth time you rejected our invitation, just give us one chance. Bar, my treat.” The pinkette argue with him.

“No, Fuck you treat. I could pay my own”

“Really? Then prove it.”

And now…he was dragged by the pinkette, can’t do anything and helpless. He knows he’s an haitani but he’s helpless because almost every bonten executive is there. Would be a shame if he leaves his higher ups. Too bad rindou isn’t there too. 

He was just having tequila, not talking, trying his best at least, So that no one would notice him. Sanzu taking his Beloved drugs. After having four glasses of whiskey, Sanzu suddenly notice him. The high sanzu, oh poor ran…he just wants to go home and cuddle his perfect s/o. 

High sanzu have an idea. 

“Hey Ran! You fine there? You look depressed, Want someone to accompany you?” High sanzu said. 

“No, I'm fine here. So shut the fu–”

“Hey Miss! This man right here wants you to accompany him” the pinkette shouted. Oh my god this drug addict would be dead. “What the fuck Sanzu!”

The girl then starts walking to ran, she sits on his lap without even his CONSENT. He wants to push of the girl of his lap but that would be rude, but he really wants to. He swears to himself that if this girl grinds to his lap, he would push her of and leave. He is done. The girl just won’t shut the fuck up, She’s being touchy and making him uncomfortable.  

Ok, yeah, he’s very done. He’s done. She pushed of the girl out of his lap.

“I’ll be leaving Manjiro. Tell sanzu that i have an s/o. I think he have forgotten. Please excuse me” He walked out of the bar. He can’t believe he spent more than 45 minutes inside. 

Entering the penthouse, it was silence…looks like you’ve already slept and didn’t wait for him.

But no, he spotted you in your shared bedroom, the blanket coiled around your body. 

“Good Evening baby!” He greets you but he didn’t get any respond.

“Have you eaten dinner?” He tried building up a conversation again but again no respond. He brings himself to the bed even though he hasn't taken a bath. “Baby, What’s wrong?do you want something?” 

“You cheated” that was your first two words to him tonight and he was confused…”Pardon?”

“My friends saw you inside a bar, one of roppongi’s bar.” 

“Baby…it’s not like that, i’ll explain everything to you.” 

“Then what is it? Explain this picture!” You showed him your phone that has his face and a girl face. 

“I’ll explain, please calm down. Don’t want my baby to be angry with me.”

“Stop calling me baby. It's annoying.” 

He started explaining that it was sanzu’s fault and not his. He told you that he was forced and he would rather cuddle you all day instead of going to a bar. 

“It’s Your fault too. You should’ve rejected the girl!” 

“But sanzu is high and i can’t reject it because he might kill me. That psychopath is annoying. Even manjiro and kokonoi can protest that i didn’t do anything wrong. Let me make it up to you.”

“I swear to god, haitani. You better tell the truth or i’ll kick myself out of this penthouse.”

“But im telling the truth. Please don’t be jealous, princess. You know you’re the only one.”

“Yeah, yeah. Go sleep in the guest room. No cuddles for three days too.”

“What?No! I want my cuddling privileges. I’ll ditch my works for three days, just let me have my cuddling privilege. I won’t take no as an answer.”

“Who are you to control my answers?”

“Your soon to be hubby”

“Mmm fine, though you need to stop being horny and leave my pussy alone.”

Ran was thankful you listen to his explanation but no fucking for three days?can he really do that when you really look good on your night gowns, it’s  not even a sexy night gowns…it’s more like a cute one. 

Rindou Haitani

Rin doesn’t have time to cheat on you. He knew that once he cheated it would be all over, he would be alone again in this lonely world, he isn’t implying that ran makes him feel lonely. He just knew that one day ran would have his own family, rindou can’t just stand being lonely, one companion would be fine, as long as it’s you he would be fine…he doesn’t need much companion. He promised to himself that he would never entertain other girls except you. 5 years. Rindou and you have been dating for 5 years. It would never be that long if you two didn't trust each other.

Rindou promised to have a dinner date with you.

7 pm…8 pm…9 pm…3 hours have passed, yet, still no rindou. You already knew and yet you made yourself look like a fool. You knew he was talking to a girl, Calling her. You wanted to confront him. But you just can’t bring it up because you don’t want to destroy that “five years” relationship. You noticed already with his reasoning like “I'm sorry sweetcheeks. but i'm kinda busy…manjiro has so many tasks assigned for us. You understand that right?” of course you do. You always knew that he’s not a normal person, he’s a person with power but to have that he needs to do something that can risk his life. You were on your way out…you’ve embarrassed yourself enough. For the past 3 hours the waiter have been asking what’s your order but you keep insisting that you’re waiting for your boyfriend…the waiter goes to your sit for more than 6 times. You keep on walking, not until, you spotted your boyfriend…ready to face you. Rindou spotted you quickly. You’re supposed to hide but nevermind he already saw you. As he approach you he started talking “Hi sweetcheeks…i’m sorry for being late. I was just busy with paper things”

“I know. Also, i tried calling you but you didn’t answer.”

“Wait…my phone was not ringing. Let me check it” he opened his phone then boom 12 missed call and 8 messages. Your head was full of thoughts…what if he’s really cheating? Why would he even silent his phone, he wouldn’t do that but if he’s cheating behind your back then…he would definitely do that. It’s either he don’t want to be disturbed while working or fucking someone behind your back.

“Hey, hey, baby…don’t overthink. Let’s talk about this in my car, should we?” You walked with him to his car…you don’t want to be one-sided and just listen to your own thinking. You want him to explain what’s going on. You two were walking with silence, just silence. No greeting him or asking him how his work is.

You entered and sit on the passenger seat.

“Now mind explaining?” you started because you know that he would never start a conversation.

“Again, i was busy…i’m sorry, i’ve forgotten about our date. I was just stresse–”

“No, not that. I know you are cheating.”

“Sweetcheeks?What do you mean by that?” rindou was shocked because you’ve never accused him of cheating before. He’s making himself calm because he know being angry wouldn’t do anything good.

“You’ve never silent your phone and i always hear you talking to a girl before you sleep and every morning too”

“Hey baby…I would never cheat on you. I’m not cheating. That girl was my new secretary, he was assigned by mikey…I already told Mikey that I don't need an assistant and I can work at home…so that i can be alone. Alone with you. You know that I hate working with other people, right? I would prefer you watching me while I do paper works. I’m not cheating, you can check my phone right now…i hate how that girl possess too, she’s just annoying. She would call me for literally no reason that’s why i put my phone on silent mode…please don’t be upset and don’t leave me too.” that was a long ass explanation. But it was great that he explained it neatly

“Ok, mister long ass explanation”

“I’m just reassuring you that i would never cheat. Now, let me make it up to you.” he start kissing your collarbone, caressing your thighs “You look so sexy on this outfit, sweetcheeks. You should wear skirts oftenly but to bad im just gonna rip it apart but don’t worry i’ll replace it with a new one” He removing your shirt and bra, just so he would see your perked up nipples.

His hands thats’s on your thighs started going upwards and sided your underwear…”So slutty, not wearing shorts underneath…really slutty, just for me, ok?”

“Just for you.” his BMW car is good for activities like that, it’s kinda spacious. He let you moves to his lap and now you can feel his bulge…”i’m sorry for accusing you, rinnie”

“ ‘ts fine baby…now shut up and let me fuck you good” Poor you…goodluck, you now can’t walk for 3 days…he made you jealous, you made him upset…now he’ll give you some good dicking down. Right now, right there.

© 2022 by s-hera━ all rights reserved! comments, likes, and reblog are highly appreciated. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[lilacknights]

Obey Me Headcanons: School Field Trip [Part I]

ALTERNATE TITLE: Filipino High School Field Trip Version

CHARACTERS: Gender Neutral MC, Lucifer, Mammon, and Leviathan [The rest of the brothers in Part II (TBA)]

TAGS: @poetofthedyingstars (If any of my Filipino mutuals/followers want to be tagged as well for Filipino content, please let me know in the notes or ask box!)

FOREWORD: I just started the game so I wanted to write something self-indulgent while I get to know the characters more! But since I only started, it might not be the most accurate. I also put 'Filipino High School Version' because this is based on my last experiences in school field trips here in my country and might not be as relatable to other countries (?). Sorry for any typos or grammatical errors, I've been trying to upload this since this morning.

✄ ——————————————————–

MC:

They are the (probably forced) caretaker of everyone in the bus. It's not even talked about, everyone just knew the moment the trip was planned.

Brought bags for, uhm, food exhalation emergencies and extra medicine. They might be demons but MC also knows they're idiots.

Was given a matching neck pillow by Asmo the day prior. 💖

There was no actual plan for seating arrangement made after a small fight yesterday on who gets to sit with MC.

In the end, they get seated around the middle of the bus next to Mammon who let them have the window seat at the start of the trip, with the promise that they exchange seats on the way home.

The group printed out an "I am [MC]." shirt just for the occasion to match with the brothers' "If lost, return to [MC]." version. The shirts will be worn at the final stop in an amusement park.

They had the most fun in said park but was also the most stressed because people actually tapped them and told them that someone with their group t-shirt is puking in one of the rides at least every other hour.

The funniest one was Lucifer who wasn't puking but instead made a child cry and now everyone is judgementally staring at him. Park security also asked for MC because someone (Belphie) fell asleep in the carousel and nobody could get him off. Mammon also fell off the pond swan ride but paid MC to not tell anyone. Beel was seen engulfing a food stall quite literally and staff had no way of stopping him. Satan and Levi got in trouble for fighting with a stall employee about one of the games. Asmo— Nah, Asmo wasn't much of a problem. He was just taking pictures in every nook and cranny of the place, including the bathroom.

It's not even the end of the day but MC is too tired to keep on walking around so they excuse themselves from the group to go back to the bus early and take a nap.

They woke up later from tapping on their shoulder and noticed how dark the sky was outside the window. It was Asmo who woke them up and in his hands was a souvenir keychain from the park that he gave them as a gift. "Good work today~"

When Asmo left, they noticed that there's actually a line down the aisle behind him. Each brother walked to them, giving them a little something they won in a game or bought at the gift shop. All the while also apologizing for what happened earlier.

MC almost cried then and there.

"I love you idiots so much." "Pero putangina niyo talaga. Sayang unli-rides ko."

—————————–

LUCIFER:

The teacher's pet who actively chose to sit in the front row of the bus with either the teacher or the Tour Guide assigned to your class.

Listens and takes note of everything the Tour guide says like a complete tool.

Will only look out the window if the guide points to something, otherwise he's looking ahead at the front window.

Brought a book but quickly realizes he will not get any reading done with the ruckus behind him.

Takes the aisle seat so he can easily look behind his chair and tell the others (read: Mammon) to shut the fuck up.

His favorite stop is the factory tour which he insisted on having. Everyone else was having emotional pain.

He didn't wanna wear the "If lost, return to MC" shirt, but Mammon accidentally spilled slushie all over him and he had no choice. Secretly found it cute and comfortable so he wore it on their trip back home, too.

By the end of the trip and while the bus is bringing them back, he's fast asleep with his head leaned back on his seat, arms crossed. Even Lucifer passes out after babysitting six fully grown men all day in four different locations.

When he wakes up though halfway home, the entire bus is quiet and mostly everyone is asleep but he suddenly had a pillow around his neck and a blanket over him.

Lucifer looked at the tag on the items, finding MC's and Mammon's names in the pillow and blanket, respectively. He couldn't help but smile, peeking behind his seat to find the said duo leaning on each other, 'sleeping'.

'Maybe this trip was actually worth the trouble.', he thought to himself, actually happy for once.

As long as no one mentions the doodling of a dick on his forehead, all is well.

—————————–

MAMMON:

Fought like a child to get the seat next to MC. In the end, the others agreed since no one else had the patience to deal with him.

Geared with hoodies and snacks, as well as a Bluetooth speaker that he never got to use because Lucifer confiscated it.

He was wearing the "If lost, return to MC" shirt from the beginning because no one has faith that he won't get lost.

He did get lost in the first stop, if you're curious. It was a zoo and they found him yelling at a monkey that stole Goldie.

This is that one student who just can't sit still inside the bus. He had to keep walking around and poking people whether or not the bus was moving.

Had probably fallen on his face once or twice whenever the bus driver unexpectedly hits the breaks.

Everyone is mad at him because he kept stealing snacks from each seat. The only one he didn't dare go to was Lucifer.

Insisted on riding every single ride in the amusement park with MC but was only halfway through his dream because they kept getting stopped by someone who needed MC's help with his disaster-prone brothers.

He now regrets suggesting the matching group shirts idea.

Would try to get MC with him on the ferris wheel ride. He succeeded but also miserably failed because his brothers caught ear of his plans and they all suddenly wanna get on the ride, too.

They reached weight capacity and Mammon is one of the people who got kicked out.

At the end, he bought a large yellow bear at the gift shop for MC after seeing them retreat to the bus early because of exhaustion.

Took the chance to cuddle with MC on the way back. <3 But right after he drew on each of his brothers sleeping faces and took pictures for blackmail. <3333

"You'll get in trouble with this, you know.", MC warned him, having caught him in the act.

"I got to draw a wiener on Lucifer's face. It's worth it."

—————————–

LEVIATHAN:

The one who didn't wanna come so he brought an entire bag full of portable games he could play in the bus plus some manga/magazines.

Has his headphones obviously and is on his phone the entire ride.

But even though he says he doesn't wanna go, he's the one posting on social media about everything that's happening around him.

He's honestly not a bad seatmate but he will bore you to death so even if someone was assigned next to him, they eventually started roaming the bus in search of actual human interaction.

Everyone else is chatting and laughing among themselves and he's just on his phone. No one knows what he's actually doing there.

MC checked on him at one point, looking over his chair to see what he was doing. "Hey, Le—"

Levi yelped and dropped his phone on the floor from surprise, screaming at MC that they shouldn't sneak in on people like that.

His phone slid under Satan's chair and his brother picked it up, brows creasing at what was in the screen.

"...Levi, you really shouldn't watch h*ntai in the bus."

His brothers (+MC) never allowed him to live that one down.

His gift for MC at the amusement park was a plushie because he felt bad that they had to talk staff out of banning him from the park altogether. They were selling rip off merchandise, what was he supposed to do!? Stay quiet!?

He was fast asleep on the way home but woke up screaming at Mammon because he immediately saw his reflection on his phone. He had poop emojis on his cheeks like this:

(👁️💩👄💩👁️)

"YOU CAN'T EVEN BE CREATIVE ON WHAT YOU'LL DRAW? DELETE THAT PICTURE NOW!"

——————————————————– ✄

I hope you enjoyed! I'll do the other brothers next time because Tumblr hates me and keeps deleting my posts. </3 If you wanna see similar content, don't be shy to hop into my ask box (Anon asks is also on)! 🌷

[ninamitoo]

FALLING

HPhogwartsmystery - Talbott Winger x MC

Okay! So, here is the “second” chapter of FALLING. Both chapters are meant as a one-shot so you don’t have to read the first one, but maybe it wouldn't hurt.  This chapter is insparted by the song “Without Him” by Christina Grimmie. It’s a very nice song. Just so you know - I was inspired by the lyrics of this song and one more by Demi Lovato, I just modified some parts a bit. All rights reserved to the original singers!

Please excuse any grammatical errors or typos. I have tried to check the whole text several times, but I do not guarantee anything. If you notice anything, please let me know and I will fix it right away. I also apologize for the hasty conclusion, this chapter is longer than i initially intended and I feel like no one will enjoy reading something this long.... But please, ENJOY!

__________________________________________

First kiss

After Talbott's sudden compliment it became quite awkward between the two of you. Whenever you run into each other in the corridors he wouldn’t even look at you. Frankly you felt... miserable. Your conversations starts and ends with "Hi." From time to time it will be extended by “How are you?” and "Good, thanks.” When did talking to him became so hard? 

"Miss Y/L?" Professor Flitwick calls your name after your charm lesson ended and it stopped you in your track to give him your full attention.

"Yes, professor?" The little man approached you in small but hurried steps. 

“I’ll be hosting a small concert as a thank you to all the professors and the students for their hard work and I’d like to ask you, if you could sing on your own maybe a few songs?” His eyes were full of hope. Even thought you have never sang in front of the whole school alone and was afraid to do so, you didn’t have it in you to turn him down. Not after everything he had already done for you over the years. 

“Yes, professor. I’ll be more than happy to do so!” You said, anxiously clenching your fists. 

“Great! I was thinking our choir should sing some of our usual songs and than you will be the grand finale with a whole new song!” Flitwick clapped his hands in excitement. His eyes shone with childlike joy and his happiness slowly spread onto you. After all, it could be fun not just another way how to emberass yourself in front of everyone.

“Do you have a specific song in your mind?” You asked curious about what you’ll be singing. “Oh! I actually composed a new song, but the lyrics aren’t quite right...” The tone of his voice dropped with disappointment with each word.

“I never knew you could compose songs!” You exclaimed in surprise, trying to make him feel better. The professor smiled up at you asking if you wanted to hear the music and just like that, both of you spend the rest of the day going over the details and planning the whole thing. It was time for dinner before you went through everything, completing most of the needs for the upcoming event. Then you headed to the Great Hall.

“The melody is really beautiful and gentle! Maybe a more romantic lyrics would fit better.” You suggested still thinking over the catchy melody resonating in your head. It is truly beautiful. “And it would be great if we could have a live music!” You happily skipped in your steps and got ahead of the professor looking at him while walking backwards into the hall. 

“That’s a great idea miss Y/L. I’m more than happy to acompany you on piano. But about the love song... Maybe it would be great if someone experiencing youth love would write the lyrics.” The implications behind his words caused you to blush, your mind wandering to the one time you and Talbott went to professor Flitwick asking him to teach you Obliviate and how you confessed your love right there. 

“Please professor... Don’t tell him.” You begged berely above a whisper. His eyes softened and all you could see was how much he truly cared for you. “I would never do such a thing. This is something you should tell him personally and all I am seying is that this is a great opportunity to do so.” And with that he left and joined the professors at the head of the hall. When you joined your friends the interrogation started right away. 

“So? Why did you came in with professor Flitwick looking so happy?” Penny asked, always for the gossip. I vaguely shrugged my shoulders not wanting to ruin the surprise. “We are just planning something. I’m sure he’ll enounce it soon enough.” 

“Is it about the concert?” She chimmed looking so proud at herself when your eyes widened in shock. “HOW? How do you know that!” It’s not possible for her to know everything and yet here we are, her proving you wrong once more. 

“So it is!” She smiles broadly revealing her white teeth. 

“Are you gonna sing with the choir?” Rowan asks you curiously. “Of course she is! She’s the best singer out there!” Charlie chims in, smiling at you like a proud older brother. His geniuin compliment brings a sheepish smile to your face. “Yeah. Actually I’m gonna sing solo at the end.” The shocked expressions soon dissipated to smiling. All congratulating you like if  you won a golden medal. 

“What are you gonna sing?” A calm voice asks you right besaide you. 

When the hell did he sad next to me? 

Your heart jumps in your chest just by hearing his voice. You turn to Talbott who is sitting next to you, drinking a pumpking juice. You watched as his Adam’s apple popped up and down.  It’s just so... hypnotizing. You got drunk in him yet again. Only when his eyebrows rise up do you realise he asked you a question. 

“Oh... It’s-” Clearing your throath you try to answer once more. “It’s a l-love song.” The sttuter couldn’t be more obvious could be? You could feel the way your cheeks started tu burn under his intens gaze. 

“A love song?” He repeated, his brows going up. You nodded in confirmation. “Yeah. It’s... Well, Flitwick composed a new melody and I should write the lyrics.” You explained in a little more detail, even though it wasn't necessary. You just wanted to prolong your conversation, it seemed like ages since you talked to him. 

“Pff, that’s gotta by easy! Just sing about Quidditch!” Skye laughed hitting the table. “I don’t think it’s this kind of love...” Penny grunts disapprovingly. “Then what else does she love than Quiddich?” Skye tilts her head to one side and you just praied to whoever God is listening that none of your friends would say his name. But the gods of all religions probably went on vaccation today, because your worst nightmare came true. 

“Talbott of course!” Tonks yelled and tilted her head in a fit of laughter. You angrily kicked her under the table not beying able to look at Talbott at the moment. All you knew was that your face must be as red as the Weasley’s hair. Still, you wanted to know if Talbott felt the same way as you, so you secretly peeked underneath your lashes. He was... He was covering his face with both hands. This sudden attention must be horrible for him. Your embarrassment quickly turned into concern wanting to do anything in your power to make him feel good.

“’Ya okay?” You whispered leaning slightly towards him. When he heard your voice he peeked at you through his fingers. He was blushnig. Hard. His shyness brought back yours, however you remained close to him.

“Y-yeah, its just... Yeah, I’m okay.” He managed to answer, while averting his gaze. The image of him being so flustrated over the fact you might love him... Does he feel the same way as you do? Is it possible for him to like you back?

Just as your mind was conjuring images about your marriage he spoke again. “Is it true?” You looked at him confused. He was still blushnig but in his eyes was pure interest and... Hope? 

No, I’m just imagining that. For sure.

“What is?” You asked confused. 

“Are you gonna write a song about me?” He bluntly asks. He was always so straightforward is sometimes scared you. What should you anwer? Should you laught if off, making a joke of it or should you be sincere? You wanted to. You wanted to push your friendship into something more. How could you became his girlfriend if you didn’t even tried? 

You were never afraid to enter the Cursed Vaults, the need to find your brother giving you the courage to continue. Over the last year you and Talbott became closer, he even let you go on nigh journeys with him, he let’s you be in his safe place. One time during playing Gobstones he invited you to a butterbeer. Just the two of you. 

His calming red eyes gave you the courage you so desperately needed.

“If-if you want to...”

His eyes sparked with joy. A rare, small smile spread across his features. Then he leaned towards you as he had that night in the owlery and put his warm lips to your ear. “I would love to hear it.” He whispered and gently stroked your cheek with his thump. 

“Than I will.”

“Can’t wait.”

                                                      * * * * *

In the next few days you were focused on writing the correct lyrics without any luck. It just wasn’t right. You really tried, hardly doing anything else. You didn’t paid attention during lesson nor during Quidditch practise. You were becoming fet up with your inability to express your feelings, transforming them into a song. 

“Don’t think about it so hard.” Andre's voice tore you out of your reverie. “What?” You looked at him confused. “You try so hard you can't think of anything.” He said while adjusting your dress for the upcoming event. 

“You are a great help Andre. Thank you. Truly.” You scoffed, focusing again on the plank parchment in front of you.

“What I’m trying to say is...Just think about him. What you like about him, how the two of you met, how good you feel when you are together. You should write about these things.” 

“Tried it already. But it doesn’t rhyme.” You admitted, sprawling on the table in front of you. “Can’t Flitwick help with that?” Andre tilted his head in confusion. You were so focused on not being able to think of any rhymes that this never occured to you. He was right. You could go and ask for a help. 

“You are a genious!” You smiled broadly and quickly began to gather your things. “I konw, but you can say it again.” Andre laughet and before he could say anything else, your back disappeared outside the classroom door.

With professor Flitwick’s help, everything went smoothly and before you knew it, the time has come. The Great hall was beautifuly illuminated by glowing blue lights, flying around the hall here and there. There were long tables full of snacks along the walls and several round tables for guests in the middle. In the second half of the hall was the dance floor, in front of which stood a stage with a majestic black piano.

You tried to smooth your clothes with nervousness, even though they were absolutely perfect. Andre did an amazing job. The purple fabric embraced your figure perfectly, the tiny gems glistening with each step, and the bottom hem of the dress was enchanted by magic, creating moving ornaments. 

You joined the rest of the choir members on the stage and patiently waited for professor’s Flitwick sign to begin. You scanned the croud, noticing your friends imidiately. All of them cheered you on. Then your eyes met him. The one you were looking for. 

Talbott was wearing a simple black suit with a purple butterfly. He looked so much older in the black color you never saw on him. It suited him. Talbott must have sensed that someone was looking at him - in the next moment your eyes loked and you could swear that his red orbits widened when he took you in, his cheeks reddening. All of the sudend you felt beautiful. You smiled at him, sending him a little wave. 

Eventually, the concert itself began. After a few songs you relaxed, enjoying yourself. As you sang the penultimate song, Flitwick took the floor again. 

“Now, it’s time for the last song of the evening - a grand finale, which will be sung to you by our lovely Y/N. Without any further ado, Miss Y/N and her song: Without you.”

A welcome applause accompanied you on your way to the piano. You noticed how your friends looked from each other in confusion. Nobody knew you learned the notes and you would play alone. You adjusted the microphone and looked at Talbott to let him know that this song is for him. At last, you began to play the gentle melody.

Right from the start when my ears heard your name

You lured me in, setting my heart aflame

I think I’m in love

I think I’m in love

You tried to push me away

But I never swayed

Now I’m crazy, why can no one understand

That I’ll never find a better man?

I just know my life ain’t ment to be live

Without you

Without you

Why can’t I just tell you how I feel?

Wishing to see your smile                             

Wanna kiss you and fall asleep in your arms

You make me so nervous

Can’t even hold your swarthy hand

But I cover up, acting bland

As soon as I see him, blushing

Wanting to hug him, but if I ever did that

I think I’d have a heart attack                              

You make me glow

Just wanted to let you know…

You tried to push me away

But I never swayed

Now I’m crazy, why can no one understand

That I’ll never find a better man?

I just know my life ain’t ment to be live

Without you

Without you...

There was a storm of applause in the room as you finished singing. Now was the time to face Talbott and hope that his response to your confession would be the same as yours... 

You couldn’t find him. He wasn’t standing in the same spot anymore. 

I scared him off...

You thought, feelin miserable. Your wolrd crushed down. What should you do now? Can you fix this? To say that the song wasn't really about him and that you just want to be a friend? At least you want to keep your friendship with Talbott. You cannot imagine loosing him forever...

“You were amazing.” A deep, melodic voice behind you interrupted you from your scattered thoughts. You spun around, facing him. He was holding a single, pink rose, beaming smile on his face. 

“H-hi.” You managed to say. He looked at you with appreciation and tenderness in his eyes. “This is for you.” He said, holding the rose in front of you. With a quiet “thank you” you accepted the rose. It was beautiful, the petals glistened slightly in the dim light. “I enchanted the rose to  never wither.” A sheepish smile appered on his features and he rubbed the back of his neck - a habit of his when he is nervous. 

“Actually... It has a meaning.” He admitted, averting his gaze. “Which is?” You incited him gently. 

“A single rose means... L-love at first sight. A “I like you and I’m interested in you...” And the pink colour expresses devotion and praise. And that you are beautiful. Which you truly are. Not just tonight. I mean... You are incredibly beautiful tonight, but in my eyes you are always the most beautiful so...”

You saved him from his rambling with a quick peck to his lips. “Thank you Talbott. I... I don’t even know what to say. This is the most beautiful thing anyone has ever done for me. I can’t thank you enough.” You could feel the tears in your eyes, threatening to run down your cheeks at any moment. 

“I would know of one way to thank me enough...” Talbott mumbled, stepping closer to you, gently embracing you in his arms - his left hand on your cheek, the other hand on your waist, by which he brought you closer to his own body. 

“Which is?” You teased him, already tilting your head to meet his lips.

“Kiss me again, please. This time longer.” He asked and you were more than happy to oblige. 

A perfect day does not consist of things you do, but with whom you do them.

[chaos-of-the-abyss]

Maul in Saboteur

There are more interesting tidbits of Maul’s characterization in the Darth Maul: Saboteur novel - specifically in relation to the concept of respect. I wrote this instead of sleeping, so please excuse typos and grammatical errors.

He circled the house, occasionally chinning himself on the windowsills to peer inside. In a rear room Bruit was sprawled atop a knocked-together bed, half in, half out of a net tent that was meant to keep nocturnal insects from feasting on his blood. He was fully clothed, snoring lightly, and dead drunk. A half-emptied bottle of brandy sat on a small table alongside the bed.

Maul gritted his teeth. More carelessness, more lack of discipline. He couldn't summon any compassion for the man. The weak needed to be weeded out.

[...]

The ferocity of the fighting made it apparent that neither side would tolerate surrender. It was a battle to the death as Maul preferred it, in any case. His attention was drawn time and again to Patch Bruit.

For all the disorder in his life, Bruit's displays of daring made him deserving of the lofty position he held in Lommite Limited. Maul was impressed. He didn't want to see Bruit fall to the mercenaries, who were nothing more than the blasters they cowered behind.

[...]

Maul wondered briefly if he could leave things as they stood. Bruit would report back to Lommite Limited's executive officer that the Toom clan had double-crossed both companies, and that they had paid with their lives for their betrayal. But it was unlikely that Bruit would let it rest at that. He would want to know who had assembled the adulterated recording, and he might even learn that the information about LL's shipping route to Eriadu had been accessed through his personal computer.

Then he would begin to think again about the cantina bug, and perhaps he would scrutinize whatever surveillance recordings were available. For all Maul knew, images of an Iridonian with a face full of red and black tattoos might appear in one them. Of course, there was no danger of his being traced to Coruscant, much less to his Master's lair. But the last thing he wanted was for Darth Sidious to see his apprentice's face turn up on some HoloNet most-wanted list.

Maul had to finish what he had begun.

[...]

Only Bruit remained. Gaping at Maul in disbelief, he let his blaster drop from his rigid hand. Maul continued to approach, the lightsaber held off to one side, its blades horizontal to the floor.

"I don't know how, and I don't know why," Bruit began, "but I know that you must be responsible for everything that's happened."

Maul decided to hear him out. "You recorded my conversations. Then you altered the recordings to trick the saboteurs you had identified in the cantina. You probably arranged for us to find this place." Bruit gestured broadly. "Can I at least know why before you kill me?"

"It is something that had to be done for a larger purpose."

Bruit cocked his head, as if he hadn't heard Maul correctly.

Maul gazed at him. "You needn't dwell on it."

Commentary under the cut:

I think Maul’s brief observation of and interaction with Bruit says a lot of interesting things about his character. He’s initially put-off by Bruit’s lack of “discipline” - which he believes to be critical to gaining strength and power, a belief that makes sense because his entire upbringing has been based on discipline - and dismisses the man as one of the “weak”, who needs to be “weeded out”. But once he watches Bruit in action he actually finds himself drawn in and impressed, going as far as to think that he doesn’t want a person as bold as Bruit to be done in by mere mercenaries. I don’t know, it sounds an awful lot like he’s changed his mind about Bruit and come to respect him in about 0.2 seconds, because he’s impressed with Bruit’s “displays of daring” - probably the way that he puts himself at risk in the front lines to maximize the chance of success. That’s something that I think Maul would be able to relate to very well; I mean, his entire adolescence has been just taking on dangerous tasks for Sidious, risking his life in the process, in the name of the Sith plan. Which - it’s really fascinating, that Maul goes from looking down on this man to holding him in relatively high regard in such a short time. Imo, it’s actually not all that hard to earn Maul’s respect, even if you’re someone he has to kill. 

I’d like to note here that this isn’t the only time that Maul has been shown respecting someone else, even if they’re his enemy; he always seems to give people he considers “worthy opponents” some measure of his respect, actually. I can’t be bothered to find quotes now, but I’m reasonably sure that, in Darth Maul: Shadow Hunter, he was pleased that Darsha Assant was putting up a better fight than he expected from a Jedi Padawan. I also believe there was something in the novel mentioning that he was impressed with Lorn Pavan’s ability to continuously slip between his fingers, despite this also irritating him - so Maul respecting people he has to kill, to varying degrees, isn’t an isolated incident in Saboteur. I just think Saboteur’s example is the most prominent, and gives the most insight into his character.

Anyway, moving on. 

Later, when their business is concluded, Maul legitimately seems reluctant to kill Bruit; briefly wondering if he could leave him alive, but rationalizing how doing so would risk compromising his anonymity and (of course) earn Sidious’ ire. (I’ve mentioned in another post how deflecting Sidious’ wrath, and the subsequent punishment it would bring, from himself is one of Maul’s primary motivations up until his defeat at Obi-Wan’s hands, so I won’t go into that here, but suffice to say that you suck, Sheev.) This is already interesting, because not long ago he considered Bruit someone weak who deserved to be killed - meaning his opinion really did flip that drastically that fast. 

Then Maul goes as far as to make a conscious decision to “hear [Bruit] out” before he kills him, a courtesy(?) that he definitely doesn’t extend to everyone he kills. Which, again, is interesting, because it really shows in yet another way that Maul has developed genuine respect for Bruit - someone he knows absolutely nothing about on a personal level, someone who’s had pretty much nothing to do with him or his life until just, like, a day ago. It speaks to how quickly Maul can come to hold someone in such sincere high esteem. And I think that’s pretty amazing, given the degree of isolation that he’s lived in his entire life. He’s only had significant personal connections with Sidious, Deenine, Kilinidi, and Daleen. Out of those four, only the latter two were, you know, good relationships, and even they didn’t come into the picture until after his formative years, throughout the entirety of which, Maul was traumatized and emotionally stunted. After all that, for him to still retain the capacity to grow to respect someone in such a short time (albeit still warped due to... you know, All That) is admirable. (And sad. I’ll get into that later.) 

Finally, when Maul actually does kill Bruit, it again caught me off guard that he granted Bruit’s request to know why he (Maul) is doing this. He says Bruit’s death will be in service of a “greater purpose”, and then, when Bruit shows bewilderment about this (admittedly vague) statement, goes as far as to tell him that he doesn’t need to worry about it. Which... Maul probably doesn’t consciously realize it himself, but it sounds to me like he’s trying to be reassuring. Like, of course most people wouldn’t take that as a comfort (understandably so), but Maul usually cuts down his victims without saying a word to them. Sometimes it’s accompanied by certain thoughts from him, but I can’t think of any instances where he’s outright told someone he doesn’t care anything about not to worry, before killing them. 

So. Maul has known about Bruit’s existence for roughly a few days at maximum, but when he sees that Bruit is confused about his answer, he, out of his respect for Bruit, offers reassurance before killing him. Now, I know - that seems like the literal bare minimum when you’re going to kill someone, but for a person with Maul’s upbringing - molded into a weapon since he was an infant, endured so much violence that things like killing others and being in regular danger of dying himself, are all just mundane to him - to straight-up try to reassure someone before killing them seems... strangely considerate. And this makes me sad, because it just has me thinking about what kind of person Maul could have been if he hadn’t fallen into Sidious’ slimy wrinkled old hands. Even an entire lifetime of abuse, dehumanization, and manipulation hasn’t completely beaten out his ability to connect with people that he doesn’t personally know, and extend respect and sympathy to them. So how would he have turned out if he wasn’t reared in exploitation and violence since he was a baby? 

[kai-writes-fan-fiction]

Hey besties! I need your help! First off, I need some requests! Secondly, I need a name for my fan base. But moving onto the good stuff, part 3 is finished and I’m so proud of it. I’m so thankful to have such an amazing audience. Thanks to anyone that reads!!

Word count: 1150

Warnings: Talk of syringes, a few cuss words, restraining, mentions of child abuse/ neglect, and Loki being an ass. (Nothing against him, I love Loki.)

Please excuse any typos/spelling/grammatical errors I wrote this during a lecture at school :p

In Hiding, part 3/?

Parts one and two links:

You were finally out of the compound, and you were running faster than you ever had. You climbed up countless trees and jumped from branch to branch, just trying to get as far away from the compound as you could. You didn’t know where you were and had no way of finding your way back to New York City.

——————————

It’s been 3 hours of constant running. At least you think it’s been 3 hours… You’ve finally found a tree to rest in. You shift into a stick to blend in. Unfortunately, you are a blue stick, but you were too tired to care.

Slowly, you drifted off into a deep slumber

—————Avengers POV—————

“We’re not stupid; she’s got a tracker. She’s stopped about 5 miles Northeast.” Bruce announces to the team.

“So when do we get her?” Natasha wonders aloud.

“I’m thinking night; the sun sets in about 2 hours…” Steve replies.

“It’s when she’ll least expect it,” Buck adds.

“Since she’s been running nonstop for about 3 hours, she’s probably asleep. We should go now, so she doesn’t wake before nightfall.” Says Tony.

“I don’t know, Tony. She’s probably pretty tuckered out. It’ll be harder for her to attack in the dark.” Natasha counters.

“She’s a shapeshifter; the kid probably has night-vision or something.” Tony murmurs.

“He's got a point, guys,” Bruce notes.

“We’ll take a vote. Say “aye” to go now, “nay” to go at night.” Steve says. “All in favor of now?”

“Aye,” Tony.

“Aye, ” Bruce.

“Aye, ” Loki.

“Aye, ” Peter.

“Aye, ” Wanda.

“Aye, ” Vision.

“Aye, ” Thor.

“That everyone?” Steve questions. A few nods are the reply. “Ok, how about people who think we should go at night?”

“Nay, ” Natasha.

“Nay, ” Clint.

“Nay, ” Steve.

“Nay, ” Bucky.

“Ha! We're going now. You all have 3 minutes to get what you need. Meet on the Quinjet.” Tony announces.

Clint moans but turns to get his things.

“You sure we got her this time?” Bruce asks Tony, turning to him.

“Now we know what she can do. The kid’s powerful, but there's one of her and ten of us. She's also asleep; we've got the upper hand.”

“But she can-”

“We’ll be fine.”

—————Your POV—————

Flashback Dream

You were five again and back with HYDRA, tied to a chair, various syringes with God only knows what inside to your right.

You were trying to get away; you struggled against the grip of the ropes, but, to no avail, you weren't getting anywhere.

In walked three men, dressed in white lab coats. One was gruff and bald, the 2nd was taller and buff, the last man, was short and plump and cowered behind the other two.

“This is her? She's smaller than I hoped. I doubt she’ll survive.” One spoke loudly.

Not survive what? Tears began to drip down your face.

“I hate children.” Another one of them hissed before swiftly stepping forward and slapping you. “Shut up, vermin.” He seethed.

You stopped crying and whimpered.

“Weak.” The first man jeered.

“The first dose is ready, sir.” The 3rd man whispered.

“I’m excited to see what it does!” The 2nd man grabbed one of the syringes and forced it into your arm.

Almost immediately, you felt a burning sensation; white stars clouded your vision, and your entire body began to tingle, and then your eyesight was gone.

Startled awake, you found yourself face to face with Loki again.

“Hello there.” He grinned.

Frightened, you fell from your tree-top perch. You hit the ground with a thud, and were met by nine more faces, who you noted were more avengers. You were so screwed.

As fast as you could, you created clones and shifted them into the people before you.

“That’s not going to work this time!” Loki called down from the tree.

Clint hastily shot all of your clones, and you were left defenseless, but you weren’t about to give up. You tried to shift into an ant to hide, but you couldn’t turn. Damn it! They had predicted your every move. You were a goner.

You were paralyzed, not by Loki but by fear. You began to shake violently and cry. This is where it all ended.

“Uhhhhh… kid?” Tony calls out to you, lifting his mask. “You good?”

You continued to cry; you wouldn't dare speak.

“Grab her..?” Wanda suggests, pointing at you.

“Oh. Uh, yeah.” Steve steps towards you.

You attempt to wither away, but you are frozen. You continue to shake; sobs rack your body.

You're picked up bridal style by Steve and carried back to the Quinjet. You're limp in his arms and quiet, tears stain your cheeks, and your eyes are bright red.

“Finally, she stopped crying. It was annoying.” Bucky jeers.

“She, a kid! Don't be so insensitive.” Wanda retorts.

You're legs and hands are cuffed once more, and you're strapped tightly into a seat.

You've regained all of your senses, and now you're angry. Angry at yourself for letting this happen, angry at the Avengers for capturing you, especially angry at HYDRA for making you like this, and mad at your parents for selling you to evil people.

Thinking about it, you're infuriated. A spark is a newfound spark that ignites inside of you, and suddenly you're growling lowly.

Ten faces turn to you and stare. You lift your head and bear fangs. It took all of your energy to fight against Lokis's magic and shift even such a small part of yourself.

“You don’t give up, huh? Foolish.” Loki looks up at you and grins. “Oh well, all the more fun for me!” He taunts.

Your restraints are tightened, and your fangs dissolve in your mouth. Loki gets up and moves towards you.

“Giving up now, foolish girl?” He says as he grabs your jaw and jerks your face up, forcing your eyes to meet his.

In response, you narrow your eyes. The restraints tighten even more, and you're beginning to have trouble breathing.

“That's enough, Loki,” Thor yells from his seat. “Sit down.”

Loki looks up from you, rolls his eyes, but lets go of you. He looks back down to you as he's walking away, smirks, and loosens your restraints. You heave as you try to regain your breath, and the Avengers stare at you.

You're angered once more, but now you know the repercussions. You’re really fucked now.

“It’s going to be 30 more minutes!” Steve calls from the front of the jet.

30 minutes until the rest of your life is decided. Better savor them, as they may be your last. Wondering what happens next? You’ll have to read part 4, hopefully coming out tomorrow!

Thanks again for all the support, I’m so happy I get the privilege to write for such an amazing and kind audience! My requests are still open, and I really, really need people to send in requests. Thanks again, everyone! Have an amazing night/day and thanks for reading!!

Taglist:

@sweetpeaflower01 @kinny-away @mangobangi @oakiedokie @moonbaejpeg @coollemonsaresour @screechingshepherddeputygoth @cumulonimbus34

[blueprint-han]

midnight walk — bang chan.

— “I have to go back to the dorms, and so do you.” 

— “in which you and chan walk through a park during midnight to catch up on some much needed alone time, and you’re prominently reminded of how much you love him, and he does too.”

pairing: chan x (gn) reader 

word count: 3 k

genre: fluff, boyfriend au, idolverse au (though not very prominent throughout the fic)

⇥ warnings: none, very self indulgent making out but nothing sexual, just kissing. minimal dialogue, kissing in public even though there’s no people around, also this situation is just for fictional purposes okay, I am not encouraging any acts of pda that takes place here between idols or anyone (quite frankly i have no idea about it’s legality, but as I said, it’s fictional), it’s just for entertainment purposes. Please take it as such. Also this park is huge and Chan and Y/N walk pretty slowly, and they’re from different companies.

type: drabble.

⇥ disclaimer: This fic does not intend to represent the actions of the real Bang Chan in any way, shape of form, nor does it intend to represent JYPE. Events are pure fiction, please take them as such.

note — Something soft because I wanted to write. This idea was brought up in a convo between me and ella and it was originally for han but then I wrote it for chan because i need my comfort kpop boy right now. Also @meiiyue. I hope this is not shit but i have no idea haha. Please, please leave feedback. Not edited, please excuse grammatical errors and typos. I;m sorry is this is trash, I really haven’t written seriously in a while ;-;

The air over here is way too moist.

So much so that you can feel beads of sweat litter the top of your brow the moment it’s been five minutes since you’ve arrived. You suppose you can’t complain when you and Chan made up the plan to meet immediately after a heavy downpour — you loved the smell of rain and he wanted to see you — it was a win-win situation.

But where is he? 

You wipe your forehead with the back of your sleeve, clutching your umbrella tightly in one hand while simultaneously going through your phone with the other. Your surroundings are calm, quiet, peaceful, exactly what you need to delve into your own thoughts and relax from the actual week you’d gone through. You can feel the tension in your shoulders, very very slowly, seep away as a blanket of mental peace is wrapped around your shoulders. As nice as it feels to be alone in this quiet place, all you want right now, is to hold your boyfriend’s hand and revel in nature.

You make a “tsk” noise, brushing the hair stuck to your face before scrolling through your contacts. You’re about to click on the one that says “channieeee <3″ when you feel hands — warm hands, grab at your shoulders from behind, and you shriek at the sudden shock that overcomes you. Owing to it being very quiet in this park, you slam a hand over your mouth, turning around to see the only person you were waiting for this whole time, albeit not this way.

“What do you think you’re doing?” You frown, though a small smile does pull at your lips when your eyes meet his warm brown ones.

“I was letting you know of my presence?”

“By sneaking behind me and giving me a heart attack?”

“I was going to give you a back-hug—” Chan points out,  waking around the bench to sit down next to you, not needing to ask at all. “—but then you screamed and I had to revoke it.”

A part of you wishes that had happened — as terrifying as that encounter was, Chan gives  great hugs. One of a kind. It’s almost like every time his hands wrap around your waist or shoulders, every inch of stress, thoughts melt away, leaving you in a calm state of bliss. That’s what Chan’s hugs are — pure bliss and honestly, your escape.

You give yourself a second to analyze his sharp features. Soft eyes, delicate smile, the pale, soft skin on his cheek so inviting. In this place where you and Chan are together, all you want to do is crawl into his arms, let go of the barrier that surrounds you and just be... yourself. You want to cup his cheeks and kiss him, just like you do whenever you meet up in secret.

But there’s more secrecy and hiding involved in an idol’s life.

“Yeah, yeah.” You say, fixing your mask properly over your nose before standing from your place. “You know better than to revoke my hugs, Christopher.”

Chan chuckles in endearment. You only call him Christopher when you’re unsure of your own statement, and it’s evident in the way your words end like you’re questioning him. Chan’s waiting for the “...right?” that should be following soon, but, oh well. He knows himself that denying you isn’t something his heart would allow, especially not when you look at him like that. 

Eyes gleaming under the dim lights of the park at midnight, a soft, almost unseen smile that only he’s allowed to see adorning your lips, and soft, unspoken words hanging heavy in the air. You didn’t even have to tell him you missed him, or that you wished to be in his arms again, because the connection between the both of you was on a whole other level — he could read all your emotions, just from looking into your eyes.

“Can’t deny that, can I?” He says, getting up from his seat before smoothing his shirt, while you put your phone into your pouch and fix your coat. Then, his hands silently seek your own, lacing his fingers with your own as warmth spreads through your chest. His hand feels soft, even more so than the last time you met him. In a silent want to hold him close to you, you tighten your grip as you smile at him and he reflects it back.

You walk around the path slowly, each step lingering against the mossy ground for a good second before moving on to the other. It’s so, so calming. The cold, moist winds refreshingly cool against your skin now that you’re not sitting idle in one place, the darkness in the park oddly calming. There’s the slight chirping of insects that resounds through the space like gentle music, and eventually, you feel yourself relax as you take in your surroundings.

“So, how was your week?” You ask, feeling yourself blush when you silently lean your head against your shoulder whilst walking, a soft chuckle leaving his lips as he snakes an arm around your waist, sending shivers up your spine when he gently smooths the fabric of your coat with his thumb.

“Stressful, honestly.” The both of you turn around the corner without second thought. You’ve done this so many times, it’s like your bodies are being pulled to the place you wish so hard to be in right now. You missed him. You missed him so, so much. You can see the stress lines on his forehead and the darkness around his eyes, almost sure that he isn’t getting enough sleep either. After a long pause where you take in his words, he murmurs silently. “Missed you during the shoot.”

“Awh darling,” You coo, pressing a soft kiss onto his shoulder, and even though he doesn’t feel it through his own coat, Chan can feel himself smile affectionately. Every tiny gesture you provide is just so... attracting. Comforting. Be it lacing your fingers through his hair and stroking gently to lull him into sleep or just a hand against his thigh, a soft whisper of an “I’m here” when his stress gets the best of him and he’s clinging desperately onto your shirt, fluttering of your lips all over his face the occasional time you wake up together, or just this — walking through a park at midnight because it’s hard to meet up when you’re both popular idols, hand in hand with almost no words spoken. Everything about you is just so... beautiful. “Did you eat and drink well this week?”

“I did. You wouldn’t stop texting me every day, remember?” Chan laughs, the kind that makes your heart flutter and do backflips.

“It’s very necessary. We both know you're total ass at taking breaks.”

“Hey!” Chan pouts, almost offended at your statement. “I’m trying, okay?” He then smiles, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head, inhaling the fruity scent of your shampoo. “Besides, I have an amazing girlfriend to remind me, am I right?”

“Yeah yeah.” You brush him off, feeling the light grow darker in a particular section of the path, and that’s when you know you’ve reached the place you’ve been walking towards. There’s a bench placed in this place too — it’s the perfect spot for hidden conversations and maybe, kisses, because the chicken wire is completely hidden by trees, making this spot invisible from the outside.

“There it is.” You point out and Chan follows in pursuit, dusting the seat off for you slightly. Once you’ve sat down, you feel your cheeks burn, because the events that take place once the both of you find this spot has been engrained in your mind at this point. They’re the kind that get you flustered every time you see Chan in the JYP building the next day.

The chirping of insects is so much more intense here, yet you don’t even hear it when Chan puts an arm on your shoulder, gently sweeping his thumb against the material of your overcoat, a soft smile taking over his lips as your eyes lock. 

A gush of wind then sweeps past you, the chill in the air higher over here than near the entrance. You lean into Chan and he gets the idea immediately, pulling his coat over the both of you as you snuggle into his shoulder. He’s warm, so warm, so cozy, all you want to do is melt into his embrace and stay. Stay locked in this position you’ve grown accustomed to and found yourself in many times, with the gentle murmur of wind and chirping resounding all around you, almost like you’re trapped in utopia. You want to stay right here, but unfortunately, time runs fast.

“It’s cold.” He comments, and you let the words settle into the air.

“You’re warm.”

At that, Chan feels his smile widen genuinely, his grip on your shoulders tightening just the slightest before he trails up to tangle his fingers with your hair. You feel yourself tense before melting further, lifting your head up to look into his eyes, and my gosh, you can see the whole galaxy in them. His eyes are more sparkly, more lustrous than the clear night sky that lies above him, though the combined visual is truly enough to take your breath away.

“Always for you.”

One second, you feel his hand gently hold your chin and tip your head up, and the next, he leans to press his lips to your own. A mixture of warmth, fuzziness and nervousness bubbles inside you, mostly because you’re suddenly aware of the fact that you’re in the park — pitch black with dim lighting, yes, but still a public space.

Well, blame it on you for telling your partner you wanted thrill in your life when you were on your first date. It wasn’t a regular occurrence when you and Chan had the idea of meeting up at the park every Saturday midnight, kissing each other at midnight in a park where the trees were barely covering the partitions. Quite frankly, you have no idea when this whole thing started, all you know is that it became quite a frequent occurrence to go home with your cheeks feeling warm and your thumbs fidding with the collar of your shirt.

Your hands stay frozen on your lap and your brain fills with white noise. His lips feel so, so soft against your own as you basically melt against him. You can feel your knees go weak even though you’re sitting down, and Chan’s hands immediately grip your arms as though to cage you from your surroundings. Being in his arms seems like a whole other world to you. They surround you like that warm whiff of air when you get back home after a cold day at work, lock you against his body and protect you against any negativity that may threaten to look your way. Being in his arms, you feel like you’re in a cage you never want to get out from. A cage in which you are complete, you are content, you are loved.

And so, you gently press your palm to his cheek, running his thumb against the high end of his cheekbone, humming when you feel the soft skin underneath. His lips linger against your own for two seconds before he pulls away, feeling your delicate touch against his cheek. Then, he slowly turns to brush his lips against your palm, leaving a soft kiss there, and my god, you feel like your heart is gonna beat out of your chest. It’s too much for you to handle, his gestures are too sweet, to loving for you to not turn into a flustered mess.

He leans in once again, and this time, you cup his cheeks, pulling him closer until your lips meet and move in a synchrony of pure bliss. The hum he lets out is your favorite kind of music, it always build up the want for you to hear more. It’s just a pure expression of love that the both of you share, erasing every memory of anything else except each other. You love him, he loves you. That is all, and that is enough.

You never really knew that the man who wore his heart on his sleeve would end up meaning so much to you, but now that he’s yours, you never want to let him go.

It seems very practiced, owing to the countless times you’ve done this before, yet making your heart flutter all the same when the words “I love you” leave his lips in a hushed whisper. Only you’re allowed to hear those words, that tone, that beaming smile that pulls at his lips when his eyes meet your own even in this darkness. Even in this darkness, he thinks you look absolutely stunning, and all he wants to do is tell you how much he loves you over and over again. Well, that’s love. And love is an amazing thing to experience, you can say for sure.

You let yourself smile into the kiss before leaving a quick peck and pulling away, feeling him do the same before opening his eyes and gazing at your features. You shyly look to the side, noticing the leaves that sway gently where the gentle wind hits them. 

Even though the atmosphere is cold, you feel fuzzy and warm when Chan giggles, sparing a quick look to his watch before intertwining your fingers with his.

“Come on, we have some time before leaving, we can play on the swings.”

Oh, he knows the child in you too well.

When you’re done swinging the swings and collecting some flowers that seem fresh, you circle the route of of the park and back to the entrance, it’s already one in the morning. Most — especially your group members — would argue that the both of you should’ve been sleeping by now, owing to your hectic schedule that leaves you weary by the end of the day. But you tell them sometimes, just to get that one hour to spend with your lover, you’re willing to make the sacrifice — and seeing the loving, misty glint in your eyes, they understand.

“So, I guess... I’ll see you tomorrow?” Chan says, and you kick the air gently before pulling your mask over your face. Seeing you, he does the same.

“Yeah, you’ll be in your studio, right? I can drop by.” 

“Yeah. So, um...” You and Chan can never seem to ever part ways once your quality time with each other comes to a halt, the both of you want to reach out and embrace, and never leave. You often wonder what lead to your silent life being plagued with the essence of love, but then you see Chan, and you smile when you realise the answer.

And so, as if trying to hold onto the moment, freeze time a bit, you turn to him and pull him into a hug. He immediately responds and wraps his arms around your shoulders, resting his head on your neck as you sway from side to side. The road is quiet with the occasional vehicle speeding past, but you pay no attention to it. All you feel is Chan’s welcoming arms, his familiar smell that clouds your senses and makes you feel relaxed than ever.

“I love you, so much.” You murmur, not even sure if he’s able to hear it, but he does. He always does.

“I love you too.”

At that, you try to pull away to look into his eyes one last time, but Chan doesn’t let you, pulling his arms tighter across you and holding you close.

You laugh. “Chan.”

“Yes?” He drags the word and smirks mischievously.

“I have to go back to the dorms, and so do you.” You remind. “It’s late.”

“Mmh, alright.” He says, straightening himself from the embrace but not quite letting go yet. “But give me one more kiss before you go.”

You raise an eyebrow before looking around. While the interior of the park does have trees and stuff to cover the walls, the entrance doesn’t, and that sparks some nervousness within you, though you aren’t exactly worried. You’ve gotten away with stuff like this before, when either of you gets clingy and wants that one last lingering moment before you go your separate ways.

You lean in slowly and he just stands there, waiting for you to kiss him with that smile that he just can’t contain when he looks at you. When you pull both your masks down and your lips meet, it’s only for one tiny peck. You then quickly pull away and pull your mask over your face again, and Chan, though giggling furiously at the way he can see you’ve gone a little warm at the action, does the same.

You then bid goodbye and walk your way back home, the warmth that lingers all over skin so, so soothing to your mind. It’s like someone took away all your worries, leaving you in a bubble of contentment. It’s almost surprising how in the grand scheme of things, one person could stumble into your way and completely take your breath away, all because of the word we call love. You’ve realised how love means so much to you after Chan entered your life, and you don’t seem to be changing that idea any time soon.

When you’re almost close to home, your phone dings with a message, with the sender id “channieeee <3″. Instantly, you click on the message.

channieeee <3: so channieeee <3: same time tomorrow?  channieeee <3: pls 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 pls pls pls pls-

A dizzy, pure smile captures your expression, and so, not wanting to delay your plans to meet your lover again, you reply.

y/n: same time tomorrow, then 🥺💞 love you <3

*:･ﾟ✧ find the other fics here !

[ysljoon]

Books, Boba, Bosom Buddies|Kim Namjoon x Reader

Summary: Kim Namjoon is the new hire at the library you work at. After the first clumsy run in you had with him your feelings for him develop over the months and you two painfully pine for each other.

Clumsiness is a trait that can usually be very hard to be considered an endearing trait, but somehow Kim Namjoon can change that. He doesn’t have a careful bone in his large, muscular body (he has such a nice body, how can we ignore that?). You got a first hand experience of his clumsiness on the first day when he was hired at the library. Somehow he decided to fill the circulation cart with more books than it can handle by placing books on top of the already properly placed books. As you turned the corner, both of you guys were unexpecting to each other’s presence. Namjoon was able to not only lose control of the cart to narrowly avoid hitting you, but also managed to dump the books all at your feet. 

After getting over the initial scare of being almost run over by the cart, annoyance came over you. You started to collect all the books that were scattered on the floor and you tried your best not to let your scowl show. You knew he was new, but how can somebody be this reckless with shelving books. Working at a library should be peaceful and Kim Namjoon is uprooting any semblance of peace that should be there. He stooped down and started to help you organize the books while profusely spewing out apologies. You looked up at him and your frown softened when you saw his dimpled cheeks and honeyed skin. Your annoyance disappeared because how can anybody hold any form of negative emotion to someone that looks this alluring? He was eye candy on thick long legs that caught your eye when he squatted down. Once you were done ogling him you got around to accepting his apology.

“It’s okay, just try to not hit any of our patrons because they will not be nearly as helpful or as nice as I was in this situation.” You gave him a cheeky grin and made your way to the audio section to find a DVD that a customer placed an order for pickup. Little did you know that the effect Namjoon had on you was the same case for Namjoon. The smile you gave him left him flustered in his spot, almost in a daze. He knew he was going to think of your smile for the rest of his shift and he didn’t need any distractions if he wanted to keep his job. 

//////

A couple months later you and Namjoon have become bosom buddies. You could call him for anything and he could do the same. You guys had created a friendship that blossomed into mutual pining that neither of you were aware of. The not so subtle flirting (it was painfully obvious to your coworkers, but of course the both of you were undeniably blind to each other’s advances) had ramped up as the weeks went on, but you still questioned if it could go any further. Jin, your other coworker at the library, was just as tired as you were from the blind romaticisizing. He always pushed you to ask Namjoon out, but you always disagreed by saying things like Namjoon was never interested in you and just thought of you as his best friend and nothing else. Jin always showed you evidence on how that wasn’t the case, but you were too in denial that someone as attractive as Kim Namjoon would want to be more than just friends.

As your shift came to a close and you were done doing your last walk around to make sure everything was in order, Namjoon was there waiting for you at the front with flushed cheeks. He was rocking back and forth on the sides of your feet and you wanted to just pinch his cheeks at how cute he looked at this very moment. You turned off the lights and walked out with Namjoon by your side. The library closes at 7 pm, but Namjoon still insists on walking you to your car even though there is still enough sun out to not pose any threat to your safety. The chilvarous action makes your heart flutter regardless. Tonight he seemed to linger around a little longer before saying goodbye. You gave him a hug and as you stepped off the curb he gently grabbed your shoulder. You turned to face him and he was avoiding eye contact while anxiously scratching the back of his neck.

“Y/N, there's a new boba shop that opened on the corner by my house. Would you like to go?” You now understood why he was acting so nervous and your heart was doing somersaults in your chest while Namjoon’s was probably beating like a hummingbird’s wings. 

“Like a date?” The words tumbled out of your mouth and you felt like an idiot. Of course this wasn’t a date, he just is your best and that’s all you’ll ever be to him.”

“Y-yeah it can be a date. Or not if you don’t want it to be!” Oh. You weren’t expecting that at all. You gave him a coy nod and opened the passenger side door for him to get in. The car ride was filled with tension that you’ve never experienced before. This is what you’ve been longing for and now that the time was here you didn’t know how to react. Namjoon put the directions into the GPS on his phone and you made your way to the boba shop. The drive couldn’t have been longer than 5 minutes, but it felt agonizingly slow from the awkward atmosphere.

Once you got to the store, Namjoon held the door open for you and the cashier gave the both of you a warm greeting. You decided on getting taro milk tea and Namjoon decided to get a hibiscus lemonade with fruity flavored popping boba. As you waited for your drink you made small chat with each other and started to make yourself more comfortable with each other. It’s crazy that you guys go from being best friends that could tell each other anything to acting like awkward high school freshmen that have no idea how to deal with feelings.

You and Namjoon enjoyed your drinks outside to bask in the warm summer air while watching the last of the sunset. Namjoon was going on about his love for nature and it made you feel so endeared that someone could feel so passionate about the beauty of earth. You couldn’t help yourself and cut him off mid sentence with a kiss. The boldness surprised not only him but you too. You pulled away and instantly regretted your decision when you saw his wide eyes.

“Namjoon, I’m so sorry I don’t know what came over me. If it’s weird we can totally forget this even happened and move on-” Namjoon gave you a warm smile and pecked your cheek with a gentle kiss. “I literally spent nights thinking about you kissing me. That was everything I dreamed of and more Y/N. I want us to be more and I’ve always wanted to be more.” Hearing his confession made you grin and you felt all your emotions come to the forefront, including your insecurities.

“I’m glad Namjoon, I want us to be more too, but before we go there. I just want you to know that I haven’t dated anyone since my freshman year of college so I’m probably a little rusty in the romance department.” You tried to brush off your embarrassment with a chuckle, but it didn’t make you feel any better. Namjoon took your hands in his for comfort and scooted closer to you where your knees were touching. “Y/N my first kiss was in my sophomore year and college and that was the last bit of romance I’ve ever experienced. We can teach and learn from each other since that’s what love is all about.” Namjoon wrapped you up in his long arms and everything felt right and you were content that the pining between you two was finally done. The days you spent daydreaming about him has become reality.

Notes: It is 2 am and I wanted to write this grossly self indulgent drabble. This is unedted and I’m so tired so please excuse any typos or grammatical errors I was inspired by me getting boba for three days straight. As always I appreciate any likes and reblogs. If you would like to support me further you donate to my Kofi