#pray for RS

[vanteguccir]

hey guys! I know that this blog isn't about anything other than the celebrities and characters that I write for and read about, but I need to ask for some little help right now...

as some of you already know, I'm from Brazil, and a state from my country is announced to be in public disaster. it's been raining A LOT (more than usual) for days without stopping, and the force of it is causing dams to brake, all of them, which is causing extreme floods

right now, we have at least 10 WHOLE cities under complete water, at least 100 d3aths, more than 200 hurt, and we lost count on the missing people

more than 7 bridges broke, which is preventing people from evacuating, despite government requests. many are without water, electricity, internet, and food

the entire country is mobilizing, firefighters and soldiers from all states are going there to help, people are sending money to NGOs of anything that can help, or sending basic products (non-perishable food, clothing, etc.) to military posts across the country, but despite all this, I just wanted to ask you to pray for us and send positive energy! we really need it right now

we have never been through anything like this since Brazil is a country that is less likely to experience disasters like that, which is making everything more difficult, as we were not prepared...

FOR THOSE THAT ARE BRAZILIAN!: starting tomorrow, all post offices in SP and PR will receive donations of basic items for FREE and will take them to Rio Grande do Sul!!! if you can't send money, but can send some clothes, non-perishable food or hygiene itens, please check which post office in your city will do this work!!!!

I also have info of secure PIX you can send money or places you can send itens. if you want to know more, just ask through the comments

we just hope it will all end soon ;( thank you!

[itlswhatltls]

RAPHINHA ❤️❤️

[dewprisms]

we're really on that part where people insist you need to vote 3rd party in a country where EC makes that impossible to change anything huh

not only do yall not know a fucking thing about US history (look up the race on how Wilson got elected, for starters), but its clear none of you learned a goddamn thing from 20 16 holy shit

[thepartyponies]

We sang this one this morning and yeah I love this song so much

[saintslaughter]

Gave my dad a model tauntaun skull and when he showed my mom she went 'ew what is that why did you get an animal skull' like. What real animal has that many weird lumps and horns on it and also fits in the palm of your hand. Name that animal so i can see it because it sounds cool as fuck

[those-goddamn-bats]

[onlyswan]

summary: in which leaving the past behind is not as easy as forgetting, and you want to be everything jungkook wants to know.

idol!jungkook x f!reader, est. relationship / angst, fluff / wc: 7.9k

playlist: strange by celeste / sinking by clairo / manta rays by chloe moriondo / ceilings by beabadoobee / iris (cover) by phoebe bridgers & maggie rogers

content/warnings: [deep breath] no one will know the violence it took to become this gentle / it’s their first winter as a couple / oc’s ex bf slaps oc / jk beats up the ex / blood and bruises / crying :( / mention of cheating (not in our main’s rs we don’t tolerate that in this household :]) / mention of s*x / jimin as both their older brother and friend :(

in which masterlist!

note: greeting 2024 with angst woopsie… i literally ugly sobbed writing a particular scene T_T… anwww i hope it’s a good read <3 as always reblogs and feedback are appreciated! i’d love to hear your thoughtsss 🥺

—

the word VICTORY flashes across the screen.

with a proud smirk adorning his lips, jungkook pushes down his headphones to hang around his neck.

he rises from his seat, resting his crossed arms over the partition dividing the computer that you’re renting from his.

“hi, baby. are you almost done?”

he chuckles to himself when he realizes that you didn’t hear him, not with the music blasting from your headphones. you direct your attention upwards when endless song by no reply is abruptly put on pause; the cushions of the headphones are pressed up against your cheek by your boyfriend’s doing.

“what?”

“hi, baby. are you almost done?”

“oh, yes…” your focus returns to the screen, fast fingers dancing along the keyboard without an ounce of hesitation weighing on them. “i just… need to… send the file to my email.”

jungkook blinks at the long rows of words you’re masterfully curating, thinking to himself — how the hell do you think and type that fast at the same time?

it was his suggestion to stay at a pc bang tonight so you could be together while you each do your own thing. he spent his half of his day-off playing games, and during that time, you worked on your research paper and finished an essay that isn’t even due for another week. you took a break every hour, munched on some snacks, and cheered him on while he was diligently playing. perhaps he could’ve done something more productive today, but it couldn’t have made him happier.

he holds out the last slice of gimbap in between chopsticks, lightly poking your lips, and his heart flutters when you offer him a sweet smile after welcoming the big bite with some difficulty, cheeks full and nose scrunched.

“is there anything else you want to eat?”

you shake your head, and unable to speak while chewing, you gesture for water as if you’re playing charades.

a kiss is granted to your forehead.

when he comes back with a bottled water, all your tabs have been closed and you’re wearing your white beret again, re-organizing your belongings in your backpack.

“ready to leave?” he inquires as he hands your order.

you hum as a reply, standing from your seat as you swing the backpack over your head to wear it with little to no effort.

jungkook thinks you’re so cool.

you visit the restroom as he settles the bill. when you come out, he’s already pulling out a credit card from his wallet. you decide to head straight for the door then, wait for him outside as the air inside the room has started to feel a little too stuffy after you stepped away from the computer.

you’ve always thought about it— how time stands still when you experience something traumatic, how that moment feels stretched for eternity… how utterly barbaric that is. you’re forced to memorize frames of the origin of your scars, relive it over and over again, eyes closed and open. moments of happiness, on the other hand, are fleeting. they are sand slipping through the gaps of your fingers. getting out of bed is scooping them in your hands and praying that they will hold on to you in the following rotations and revolutions of the earth. they never do.

there he stood at the bottom of the stairs, just as horrified as you.

his face is the last thing you want to see on a winter night.

because you still recall the amalgamation of emotions in his eyes two winters ago. his skin was flushed from the cold, but he turned redder with anger and your stomach coiled in shame.

“juwon?”

the name felt odd in your mouth. it’s like when you eat a food you haven’t had in a long time, and it doesn’t quite taste like you remember it.

and to be honest, you didn’t know what you expected to happen when he carried on to climb the remaining steps that led to you. but it definitely wasn’t… this.

the first hand to carress your bare body, as if it was in disbelief of its existence, and the rings you used to blindly adore— they collide with your cheek with a sound that resonates in your eardrums.

the slap thins out into a ringing noise.

“are you insane?!”

it continues to assault your hearing even as you scream and hit him back.

it ends when someone bumps against your shoulder in a haste, and the next thing you register is juwon lying on the ground with jungkook sitting on top him, balled fist throwing unforgiving punches at your ex-boyfriend’s face. juwon is held hostage by the shock and is unable to reciprocate jungkook’s aggression. he attempts to fight back but your boyfriend dodges easily.

“jungkook! stop, stop, stop!”

you run down the stairs with panic thundering in your chest, nearly in tears as you forcefully grasp at the back of jungkook’s coat to pull him away, but with his strength and the adrenaline flowing through his veins, your efforts prove to be fruitless.

“you fucking bastard! i’m gonna kill you!”

“that’s enough-” you cry out. “please!”

“how dare you lay a hand on my girlfriend like that, huh?!”

he is furious, gripping the collar of juwon’s sweater and slamming him to the ground.

“your girl?” coughing, juwon faces the side to spit out the blood in his mouth, which then shapes into an arrogant smirk. “didn’t you know? ____ was mine first. i was the first!”

the next punch he receives cuts his lower lip open, and a stronger metallic taste assaults his tongue.

“jungkook!”

before jungkook could inflinct more permanent damage, you resort to holding back his arm with both of your hands.

your gazes connect, and your heart drops to your stomach. he is seething with anger. your blood runs cold and a thick haze clouds your thinking. you can’t move your limbs. what do you do? what do you do? what do you do?

“____, let go. i’m not fucking finished with him.”

“please,” you beg, ignorant of the tears that have begun to slide down your cheeks. “that’s enough. look at him!”

“and why should i care?” he spits out as he shrugs you off.

“ah, jungkook! i said that’s enough! why won’t you listen to me?!”

your desperate tantrum falls on deaf ears. you squeeze your eyes shut when he re-assumes his stance, tucks his thumb over his folded fingers, exactly what he taught you about making a proper fist to avoid injuring one’s self when boxing.

“stop it! you’re scaring me!”

that throws a bucket of ice over jungkook’s head. the anger in his eyes is replaced by vacancy, and with that, juwon seizes the opportunity to finally strike him with a jab and escape from underneath him. jungkook finds himself pushed aside on the ground with a throbbing cheek, mostly likely to be noticeably bruised in the next hours.

“love-” you gasp, and you rush over to him but your path gets rudely obstructed by your ex.

“is this the guy you cheated on me with?”

he is extremely near that you can feel him panting on your face. two years later, your stomach coils in disgust. your glare is venomous, and if only looks could kill, if only looks could kill…

“just leave, won’t you? what’s the point of all this?” you roughly push him away with your remaining shred of energy, driven by exhaustion and frustration. “it was so long ago! get a fucking grip!”

he huffs in disbelief as he wipes the blood from the corner of his mouth. it also drips from his nose and eyebrow. strange enough, you do not feel guilt nor compassion for this man. not anymore.

“are you seriously crying just because he got punched one time…? isn’t that a little unfair? you loved me too. once.” he snickers, but he is visibly pissed off. he can no longer look at you in the eye. “shit, is he that much of a better fuck than me?”

your skin crawls. bile creeps up your throat. technically speaking, this is the consequence of your own actions, but you can’t help but to be resentful.

“you are…” your voice trembles, but your glare remains unwavering. “still as despicable and shallow as ever… and i don’t regret what i did.”

and it may have been a long time ago, but you still know how to hit him where it hurts the most— his ego.

you purposely bump against his shoulder as you make your way to jungkook, leaving him speechless as he stares at the ground. the night the two of you broke up, you were crying and begging him for forgiveness… what the fuck happened?

“let’s go home.” you demand quietly while refusing to meet jungkook’s stare— a mix of confusion, offense, and rage.

but the thing about juwon? he always needs to have the last word.

“you better keep a close eye. you might think you know ____, but whores never change. especially those who became one so young.”

“dude, how are you still speaking?!”

it’s too late when you realize that jungkook has left your side. he swings at juwon’s face with a force that sends the man stumbling backwards. he completely loses balance then collapses on the ground with a curse that almost misses your ears.

“don’t ever go near ____ again! don’t even think of it! if you show your face to me again, i might really end up fucking killing you. you hear me?!”

—

jungkook doesn’t recall a time when he felt a rage this intense and consuming. witnessing you get slapped, his vision went dark and he was shaking with fury. everything was a blur after that, but he knew one thing: this man violated the most precious person to him, and he won’t allow him to get away with that unscathed.

and that must be why he feels restless until now. neither one of you has dared to utter a word for the past couple of minutes. he can’t see your face as you’re walking ahead of him, leading the way with his wrist in your cold hand. however, he can hear your sniffles, and he can see you wiping your tears dry with the back of your hand. he thought he has experienced heartbreak, but this pain cuts deeper than anything he has ever felt.

“baby, let’s go back.”

he breaks the silence, standing infront of you to stop you on your tracks. he almost reeks of desperation as he intertwines your fingers together.

“please? there should be a cctv camera infront. we can sue him.”

“are you even hearing yourself? you’ll also get into trouble!”

his insistence only fuels the urge to cry and scream and break things. it’s an understatement to say that you’re ashamed. it was foolish of you, really, to assume that leaving the past behind would be as easy as forgetting. it may be out of sight but it is everywhere, and it sneaks up on you without tell and mercy.

“you attacked him out of nowhere! he can sue you for that too!”

“out of nowhere?” he repeats your words slowly, hurt flashing across his face. “i was protecting you, ____! who knows what else he could’ve done? and the shit he was talking about you? was i just supposed to stand there and do nothing?”

“and i’m protecting you too! why did you even have to punch him again?! he was obviously just trying to provoke you! god, i-” you release the air in your lungs you didn’t realize you’ve been holding. “thank god he didn’t see your face.”

that struck a nerve for some reason. he harshly rips off the mask that has been concealing half of his face all along.

“he hit you! look- fuck, you’re bleeding-”

oh, his rings must’ve grazed you.

jungkook brings out a clean white handkerchief from the backpocket of his pants, pressing it softly against your cheek. the sharp sting forces you to grit your teeth. it’s not only the wound… your skin is still warm and tender from the assault. you’re terrified to look at the mirror. you don’t want to feel sorry for yourself.

“and that’s what you’re really worried about right now?”

“okay, then i’m sorry for caring about my boyfriend and his career! i’m sorry, okay?!“

he dies a little inside when you harshly push his hand aside.

so this is what it feels like to be at the other end of your anger… shitty. it feels really shitty. after what happened, there is no sadness or fear. the twinkle in your eyes have been replaced with sharp daggers and it is gutwrenching to watch. it clicks for him then: you weren’t scared of him. you were scared for him.

he doesn’t allow you to go further than ten feet away. he seizes your arm before sneaking his hand on your waist to tug you closer to his body.

“you think i’m letting you out of my sight again? it’s not happening!”

you click your tongue in exasperation, left with no choice but to admit defeat as he hails the approaching taxi. you cover your face to hide from the blinding headlights.

ever the gentleman, jungkook opens the door for you.

“get in, ____.”

and the first thought that enters your mind: the air freshener is nauseating. it has to be something mixed with lemon.

you roll the window down as your boyfriend dictates the address of your destination to the taxi driver. not yours, but his. you send him an unimpressed scowl, but he only looks back at you challengingly under the warm dim light. the soft cloth is placed over your wound again, rudely snatched as you turn away from him. you hold it on your own as you watch the world outside the window, streetlamps with blurry light streaks and homes you will never set foot into. in the midst of your musing, you register the weight on your head, or its lack thereof. your beret landed on the ground in the aftermath of the first strike. what is there left to lose?

you thought you could be happy at last, but beside you is another soul you’ve stained with your bloody hands.

juwon was right, you never change.

—

“i still don’t think it’s right that i know the password.” you whisper as you push the door open.

“but i have a key to your house. what’s the difference?”

“i don’t know…” you begin removing your boots, carefully placing each one in the middle level of the shoe rack. “you live with six other people.”

“namjoon-hyung and yoongi-hyung are in their studios. the others went home.”

you enter the living room with jungkook hugging you from behind. his cheek rests on top of your shoulder, and he doesn’t want to let you go. the ride here was suffocating. he thought you wouldn’t talk to him for the rest of the night anymore.

you blink at jimin who is sprawled out on the sofa, a gray blanket that matches his sweatpants is covering his naked torso.

“why does he sleep here? doesn’t he have a bed?”

“the sofa is more comfortable.” he mumbles loud enough for you to hear as he opens his eyes halfway, but then he gives up and closes them again, curling in on himself to resume his slumber.

“okay… now i know what to get you for your birthday.”

for a brief second jungkook assumes that you’re joking, but you sounded way too nonchalant.

“a sofa?”

“a new mattress,” you blankly stare back at him, before proceeding to break free from his embrace to search for the bathroom.

he follows you like a lost puppy, whining. “why does he already have a birthday gift and i don’t?!”

“quiet!”

he winces. “sorry, hyung!”

—

you’re perched in the space between jungkook’s thighs, legs swung over one of them as he tenderly presses a cold compress against your left cheek. you’ve changed into the pair of pink cooky pajamas he wore a few times and has kept in his closet specially for you. sinking into his mattress, drowsiness has also begun to seep into the depths of your bones. it’s been an arduous week, and you’re exhausted of fighting in every sense of the word.

“he deserves more than what he got away with.” he mutters through gritted teeth.

“jungkook, enough.” you chide at him with a sigh. “let’s just forget about this.”

“your face is going to be bruised for atleast a week! how am i supposed to ‘just forget’? are you hearing yourself?”

your rhetoric question from earlier comes back to gnaw at your thread-like sanity. you feel backed into a corner. you can’t think of a solution that will put this issue at rest, much less make either one of you feel better.

“he’s not worth it.”

“you are to me.” he declares.

it’s impossible to argue with that. you want it to stay true. you want him to keep believing in you.

“i’m tired.” you whisper, removing yourself from his lap. “let’s go to sleep.”

he gazes at you with longing.

you are lying on his bed but you have never felt so far away.

“are we really not going to talk about this?”

“not now. i’m tired, jungkook.”

“baby…”

“juwon is a terrible person, but i had it coming…” you mumble. “that’s all there is to it.”

foreboding silence falls upon the bedroom. you can’t bring yourself to look at jungkook, so you close your eyes and pray that when the sun rises, this night will simply turn out to be a nightmare orchestrated by your wicked mind.

“whatever that is, it doesn’t warrant what he did.” he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead, and it takes everything in you not to fall apart into a thousand shards. “and i’m sorry that i couldn’t stop it from happening.”

—

jungkook returns after his shower, not yet done with drying his dripping hair with a towel. you’ve drifted off to sleep in the time that he was gone, lips slightly parted open as you breathe out puffs of air in a steady rhythm. your hair is a halo and you’re an angel snoozing on a cloud.

he heard it loud and clear, and you haven’t denied it either, but there’s not a part of him that believes it. is he blindly in love with you? is this what he was warning him about? are you not an angel, but a siren?

wary of waking you up, he attaches a bandaid to your cheek. he flicks the lightswitch but he turns on the night lamp so you won’t have to manuever the dark incase you wake up in the middle of the night in need of the bathroom.

shit, shit, shit. he curses in his head when you begin shuffling as soon as he settles himself on the bed, but it’s just you unknowingly seeking for warmth in your sleep. he gathers you in his arms and your pillow is abandoned in favor of his naked chest. it always feels fitting, like his heart is the stuffed toy that you can’t go without at night.

he swallows the lump in his throat, brushing your hair away from your face to gently caress your soft skin. you look so serene. but your ex’s fingers can be traced on the red bruise that has tainted your cheek and his jaw clenches, hand momentarily balling into a fist to release the leftover anger still boiling in his blood. everyday, you feel the need to act tough because of people like him, and you are… but deep down, he knows, that you just crave to be loved.

“you loved me too. once.”

however, that has lost its meaning when juwon didn’t love you the way you deserved to be loved.

and jungkook admits it’s not as easy for him to do in a whole different dimension. he leads a kind of life not everyone survives, but that never stopped him for trying his damn hardest.

—

you’re awoken in the middle of the night by jungkook’s forehead accidentally knocking against yours. his snoring doesn’t cease, however, and you had to remind yourself that this is the same boy who continued sleeping despite rolling off his inflated sleeping bag on camera.

you slowly sit up as you rub the sleep from your eyes. you spend an unknown amount of time spaced out, barely blinking. afterwards, you force yourself to leave the comfort of the bed, taking the cold compress along with you. you drain the melted ice over the kitchen sink before opening the refrigerator to refill it with ice cubes. you can’t help but to allow your eyes to wander around, which then leads you to contemplate on whether to cook ramen or not… but then again, it’s already 3am and most likely, you won’t be able to sleep again if you do.

“yah! why are doing just standing there?”

the deep voice echoes throughout the kitchen. you yelp in shock, nearly dropping the ice bag as you tap on your pounding chest.

“i told you to stop doing that!”

jimin bursts into a fit of too delighted giggles, hunched over the kitchen counter as he places a hand over his belly. he’s fully clothed this time, fresh from the shower, judging from his hair.

“it’s not funny!” you whine. “one of these days i might be holding a knife when you do that!”

“ey, what would you be holding a knife for? jungkook never lets you lift a finger while you’re here.”

that’s just because he knows you’re not very talented in the kitchen.

the wide smile on his face then fades, expression morphing into one of concern as he studies your face bathed by the refrigerator light.

“what happened to your face?”

fuck, you’ve completely forgotten about that.

“it’s a long story.” you sigh, closing the refrigerator.

“it’s alright. i have all the time in the world to listen.”

“you know that i really appreciate that and i’m grateful but…” your smile borders on a wince. “no, you don’t. get some more sleep, please.”

your unexpected response causes jimin to scratch his head shyly. the two of you stare at each other for a few seconds before laughing at the same time.

“oh, that’s right!” you pause on your tracks when an essential item pops in your mind. “do you have healing ointment? for cuts and bruises and stuff?”

“it’s for jungkook,” you add.

“doesn’t he have that?”

“it’s not here,”

your sweet smile tells jimin everything he needs to know.

“ah, that kid really comes home to different houses now. he’s all grown up.”

“…and how many exactly?” you arch an eyebrow.

he purses his lips together, jokingly pretending to think hard. “the dorm… and then his family… then there’s you?”

“anywhere else?”

“nope!”

“sooo, do you have it or not?”

“i’ll go downstairs and buy it right now.”

he offers you a kind smile and pats on the head. a protest dies down in your throat as he goes straight for the front door.

“thank you!”

“you’re welcome!”

—

despite your active efforts to avoid making any sort of noise, the door produces a small ‘click’ as you cautiously close it behind you. you discover that jungkook has flipped over to face your side, his arm outstretched as if he was reaching out for you. you almost feel bad for leaving him alone in bed, so you sit next to him, positioned on the lower half of the bed since he took up your space.

a short snore escapes him, one that rises then falls so abruptly, like a note on the piano pressed on accident. you cover your mouth to muffle your giggle.

how adorable. you have grown to tolerate, and even adore, his snoring.

stolen kisses on his bruised knuckles, tiny and featherlight, apologetic most of all. their bad condition brought upon by boxing worsened when he used his dominant hand bare, knuckles of his two longest fingers ripped. it seems that he did the bare minimum by putting a stop to the bleeding then washing them clean, then nothing else. he didn’t even tell you, didn’t complain or show any sign that he was in pain.

you hold the cold compress over his bruises, switching between his cheek and knuckles, mindful of not touching the wounds as to not aggravate him in his sleep.

you’ve been stripped down bare— your pride and dignity dismantled into pieces that create a picture of you that you do not like… but could be the love and sincerity in your heart be enough to live by? even if no one is awake to witness it?

you’re saved from drowning in your thoughts by the front door being unlocked. for the second time, you tiptoe your way out of jungkook’s bedroom.

“this is for wounds, and then…” jimin returns the tube inside the paper bag to grab the other. “this one, for bruises.”

“thank you. i’ll pay you back.”

“yah!” jimin expands his eyes threateningly, which you mimic in challenge as you hug the paper bag to your chest. “i’m also your older brother, okay? i should do these things for you.”

you scrunch your nose, to express disagreement at first, but later on it only makes your smile appear brighter.

“doesn’t it hurt you to smile? please use them well too, ____. do you understand? that’s why i bought the biggest ones!”

it does hurt.

“thank you…” you reply shyly.

you’ve forgotten how it feels like to be taken care of by family.

—

“baby, where did you go?”

jungkook’s raspy voice is music to your ears.

he woke up a mere minute ago, caught in the middle of sitting up on the bed once it caught up to his sleep-muddled brain that you’re no longer beside him.

“nowhere,”

you sit at the edge of the bed without another word, putting his hands over your lap to apply the healing cream to his afflictions.

his eyelids flutter in sleepiness as he watches your every movement.

a small dollop at the pad of your finger, transferred over his torn knuckle and smeared with the lightest of touch. occasionally your finger pauses, unsure, calculating— the last thing it wants is to hurt him.

he kisses your lips— he feels suspended in time—hasn’t quite reconnected with reality and with his body. wide-eyed, you seem taken aback by the display of affection. his mouth then softly curves with fondness.

“i love you.”

“i love you, too.” you whisper timidly.

your actions have become hurried, but jungkook is far too drowsy to notice your discomfort.

for the final part, you rub the cream on the bruise on his cheek. you press a kiss on the corner of his lips. “all done. go back to sleep.”

“let’s go,”

he hooks his arm under your knees, eager to carry you over to your side of the bed, but he gets interrupted by your protest.

“wait, wait, wait- i need to pee first.”

“wha- hurry!” he complains with a peeved frown, which you fail to catch a glimpse of because he has squeezed you taut against his body. “i won’t be able to sleep without you here.”

—

eternally cursed with the ability to feel too much of everything.

you push your back against the bathroom door, breathing heavy and labored as you blindly pat around for its lock. the click serves as the cue for your salty tears to drip from the edges of your eyelashes, cascading down, down, down your chin. some of them crash on the collar of your pajama top, the rest on the white tiled floor. this room is a stranger to your shipwreck, but old habits die hard.

the intense pressure of the water collides with the porcelain sink. rain and thunder and the gusts of wind being your gasps for air. an isolated storm undetected in the city of seoul you’re forced to brave alone, on the floor, tucked into yourself to protect the beating sacredness inside your ribcage. the sobs claw their way up your throat rather than soaring like exhales do.

no one has ever raised their hand at you. not even your parents. not even when you broke your grandmother’s precious china, or lost their big paper bills to the wind, or cursed at them for embarrassing you infront of your friends.

you want to be mad and say that juwon deserved what he got. you want to say that you hope his nose is broken. but you don’t know how one is supposed to react when something like that happens. you don’t know if it justifies everything after that. if the roles were reversed and you slapped him, won’t no one bat an eye?

…and you know jungkook has questions you still haven’t figured out how to answer. you know he now has reasons to doubt you. you know in his eyes, you may now be a hypocrite and not the advocate he adored. these days, you don’t really want to be seen as anything less or more than who you are, but you so desperately wish to be someone he is proud to love.

you feel mocked for even daring to dream of it.

“i’m tired, i’m tired, i’m tired.”

incoherent mumbles further stirs the unbridled chaos.

“i’m so sick of this. why… why do bad things keep happening to me?”

you don’t expect an answer but you yearn for some sort of meaning. you don’t mind suffering but you wish it could only be to an extent where you don’t have to fear.

echoes of rumbles and thunder. you’re nearer the sky but farther from heaven.

—

it’s been more than a week. you’ve been waking up with a gaping hole in the middle of your torso. you climb out of bed, cover up your cheek with make-up, good as new, and go about your day as if nothing happened. life on its own is already too much of a burden for you.

jungkook checks up on you everyday, though, despite his busy schedule. mostly through the phone, and whenever he can, he goes straight to where you are after work to dote on you no matter the time. he kisses you on the cheek, claims himself to have healing properties, and says i love you. and during those periods of time you were together, he hasn’t said another word about the incident. and it has been driving you absolutely insane.

you glance down at him, sat on the floor with an ipad balanced on top of his propped up knees, wearing one of your anti-radiation glasses as he finds himself absorbed in drawing the view a foot away from him. you.

“why do you keep looking at me?” he scolds you lightheartedly. “go back to studying so we can go to sleep.”

“can’t help it,” you mumble as you reposition your pen over the paper. you’ve been reorganizing your notes the whole night for your upcoming tests, but your mind keeps flying everywhere else. “my boyfriend’s too pretty.”

“ah, it can’t be helped then. sorry about that.” he smirks cockily, pulling the dramatics by switching his eyes between you and his back. “should… should i turn around then?”

“did you box again?”

the accusation is spat out before you can think twice.

“oh, you did. your knuckles are all messed up again.”

he pouts, crossing his legs. “but baby, i have to train... i wrapped my hands properly!”

“still,” you sigh. “can’t you just let them heal for a little while?”

you turn to the cabinet on your other side to bring out the pouch of healing ointments you’re now suspecting he brought and didn’t accidentally leave behind.

you lay out your hand, and jungkook puts his on top of yours, dragging himself close.

you both smile when you see that he has laid his hands over your thighs like he’s getting a manicure. silly boy. you pull them closer by his fingers so you can reach his red knuckles.

“why are you trying so hard?”

your finger is stained with his blood. your voice is as gentle as your touches, and that’s why it hurts.

jungkook doesn’t know either. he’s been trying to extinguish his leftover anger and bitterness through work and boxing— suppressing the onslaught of negative thoughts threatening to poison what the two of you have. jungkook doesn’t want to know. he doesn’t want anything to change. right now, he can’t afford them to.

“there’s no one to fight.”

“turns out there is,” he argues.

he regrets it as soon as your hand trembles.

“it’s okay… to ask. we’re in a relationship. you’re entitled to know things like that.” your eyes are unafraid again, and it scares him, like you’re always prepared to let him go. “i won’t get offended, or anything like that. if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“i trust you,” he says simply. “so i don’t need to know. especially if talking about it makes you uncomfortable. it’s okay… we’re okay, baby.”

stillness washes over the room like a tide that swallows everything up, and for a moment jungkook is convinced that the two of you will never bring it up again.

but the words you utter next are a punch to the gut.

they almost sound like a plead.

“but i can’t live my life that way, jungkook.”

strands of your hair descend to your face, framing it perfectly, but your eyes become hidden from view. you rip a bandaid open and blanket it over his two knuckles, still wounded as before, if not worse.

“if you intend to be with me for a long time, then i need you to need to know…” because there will be things i’d want to tell you, but wouldn’t feel the need to.

“then tell me,” he replies, prompted by a renewed determination. “i don’t just intend to be with you for a long time. i want way more than that.”

—

jungkook fiddles with the hello kitty bandaid using his thumb, mind reeling and grappling to process the overload of information told by your storytelling voice. all of a sudden, he’s grateful that you decided to lie down on the bed for this conversation.

“juwon was your boyfriend before me, no?”

“no, no, no. he was…” your lips part as if you have something more left to say, but you eventually give up. “yup, no.”

“so you found out that he’s been cheating on you for-for two mo-”

“three-”

“three months, and you…” he blinks. “slept with a stranger and let him catch you?”

“i was really petty. i was seventeen after all… my pride couldn’t take it. my friends- they tried to stop me but… but all i could think of was how to make him feel the way i was feeling.” your voice sounds small, smaller as you squeeze yourself into his side and curl up to hide your face. “so i let him think i was the bad guy.”

he understands that you were vengeful, but he doesn’t know if you comprehend the scale of what you have done.

“he looked so sad and hurt that i started to feel guilty. i don’t know if i was still acting when i was apologizing to him.” you scoff with eyebrows knitted together. “i felt so dirty… i still feel like a bad person, you know?”

you took the face of juwon’s demons and he didn’t like what he saw.

“i had it coming,” — he now has a grasp of what you meant before.

“so how has he been doing this to me for such a long time? how does he stomach it? knowing what i was going through? that’s what i thought… it makes me so upset…”

jungkook doesn’t try to assess you as you speak. he only listens, until your voice cracks. his heart is split into two as tears flood your eyes, escaping past the corners and slipping down to soak the fabric of his t-shirt.

you sniffle. “and the sex wasn’t even that great. i regret it even more.”

he flinches, abruptly squeezing his eyes shut. not that great? okay… okay. the mental image of you being physically intimate with someone that isn’t him definitely doesn’t sicken him to his core. at all. nope, nope, nope.

“fuck, baby, please,” he groans as if he is in pain, putting an arm over his eyes. “hearing about you have sex with other guys is making me want to punch something again. fuck.”

“that’s what you took away from the story?”

“yes!” he exclaims with conviction. “we should’ve met a year earlier. i would’ve let you use me!”

you gasp, scandalized. “oh my god! jungkook!”

“argh-” he animatedly clutches at his chest that caught your fist.

“you’re crazy!”

“uhuh, about you.” he proudly replies, pulling you closer to his side, as if that was still possible.

the subtle upwards of the corners of your lips gives him a sense of relief. he tenderly cups your cheek, his thumb ghosting over the bruise that has turned a darker shade of blue and purple.

“listen to me, i- i’m not here to tell you what’s right or wrong. i’m not that type of person. but what i can do tell you is that this…” he briefly shakes his head. “didn’t change the way i see you at all. he hurt you. he cheated and you were hurt, ____.”

your eyes gleam with uncertainty, a fresh wave of tears threatening to escape. “are you sure?”

“of course i am. why wouldn’t i be sure?”

“because you’re crazy about me.”

the sweet innocence of your eyelashes fluttering elicits a chuckle from him. you’re so fucking cute.

“that’s the reason i’m sure.” he tilts up your chin to plant a kiss to your lips, mumbling. “i’ve never been wrong about anything i’m crazy about.”

“thank you,” you say quietly, melting into his embrace. you nuzzle your face against his chest, and at last, you grant your eyes rest. “i can finally sleep peacefully again.”

fuck, it’s been weighing on you this whole time and he didn’t know.

“i’m sorry i only dated assholes before you.”

“aish, why would you be sorry about such a thing?” he kisses the top of your head, gentleness contradicting his following sentence. “i’d crush each one of those assholes for you.”

and he’d beat himself up the worst if he ever becomes one of them.

you yawn, sniffling right after. “mhm, i bet you will.”

he carefully rolls over to the side so he can wrap both arms around you, and you keen in contentment.

“jungkook?”

“yes, baby?” he coos.

“i… really… love you so, so, so much. you are… the one person i’d die for before i hurt.”

goddammit, it’s an angel sleeping in his arms.

“that’s a relief to hear. you’re very smart and scary when you’re mad.”

“eh, jungkook! i swear i’ve grown up! i’m not like that anymore!”

“okay, okay!” he laughs at your childish whining and squirming as he ushers you back in his embrace. “i believe you! i trust you! i love you too!”

—

although you spend more nights together in your apartment for your safety and convenience, in all honesty, you like staying over at jungkook’s more. his smell evokes the sentiment of home, and when you stay long enough, it becomes a temporary part of you. you’re gradually more well-versed in the organized and unorganized corners of his room. you like that you know where he keeps the safety pins and you know to be careful when walking so you won’t trip over his dumbbells he leaves lying around. and it’s a little ridiculous but… you like that his mattress is on the floor and you don’t really know why.

your boyfriend is still blissfully asleep as you climb over him, landing on the floor without a sound like a veteran spy. however, you rush to step out of the room before the rumbling of your empty stomach could wake him up.

“yah, thief! what do you think you’re doing?!”

“fuck!” the pack of ramen hits the floor when your hands fly to your chest to clutch at your painfully pounding heart. “i swear to god, you’re going to kill me one day!”

and unsurprisingly, your chagrin is countered yet again with jimin’s all too pleased laughter.

“____, you look so suspicious! why are you using a flashlight? we have electricity! we can pay for it!”

“i don’t like it too bright, okay?” you grumble as you pick up your supposed midnight meal.

“let’s just turn on this one then.”

“uh-” the objection dies down in your throat when the light over the dining table was switched on.

“i’m hungry, too. grab two more packs of ramyeon, please.”

“who’s the other one for?”

jimin fills the pot with water from the sink while you pick up two more of the same pack from the pantry.

“just us. don’t you agree that one pack is too small for one person?”

“it’s just enough for me though?” you rip open the packs one by one to retrieve the packets of seasonings. “with your job, though, i’d definitely have a bigger appetite.”

“alright,” he pouts, pretending to be upset. “let’s have just two then.”

“no, no, no-” you chase his hand, tightly gripping the last pack that he stole. “let’s have three! let’s have three! i didn’t eat dinner!”

—

“my mom brought a lot of kimchi yesterday. there’s an entire box in the fridge. i’ll pack you some before you leave later.”

“put some more in,” you say cutely as you peer down at the pot of ramen beside jimin. “please?”

he chuckles, adhering to your request before handing the container to you.

“thank you!”

you hop on the counter infront of the stove, chewing on a mouthful of kimchi with a joy akin to a child receiving a sweet treat. leaving the ramen to cook for the next five minutes, jimin sits a few feet away.

“aigoo, are you that hungry?”

“this is so delicious!” you praise his mother’s cooking instead of answering the question. “i can really eat this on its own.”

“ey, don’t fill yourself up yet! we have a lot of ramyeon to eat!”

“sorry, sorry!”

your giggles fill the apartment with warmth during this freezing winter. jimin didn’t doubt it when jungkook said that you light up every room you enter, he just didn’t expect that he would also gain a friend.

“how’s your cheek?”

“as you can see,” you motion at your face. “yellow. soooo… uglier.”

“that means it’s healing well.”

“i know,” the apples of your cheek become plump as your lips curve. “it no longer hurts to smile.”

“that’s a relief to hear,” he returns your kind smile. “jungkook has been worried about you.”

that’s the end of what he can tell you. jungkook won’t be pleased if you learn that he cried when he talked about the horrible thing that happened to you.

“thank you,”

“huh? for what?”

“being jungkook’s happiness.”

from his peripheral vision, he perceives your surprise. however, he is too flustered to meet your eyes while he is speaking from the bottom of his heart.

“the past year was physically and mentally draining for the team. as you know, we… we were considering giving up and disbanding. and of course it’s hard on all of us, but i’m really, really worried about jungkook. but!”

he chuckles at the dramatic rise of his own voice.

“i’m less worried now that you’re in his life. and i’m not saying this to put pressure on you or anything! but you see, when he’s tired, he bounces back quickly because of you. he’s smiling more because of you. and i know it goes it also goes the other way around. mhmm… i-i guess what i’m saying is that i hope you can continue being each other’s strength? be each other’s cheerleader?”

you have begun to feel emotional as you listened to his sincere and heartwarming words, but you can’t help but to cackle at the fact that you just witnessed the park jimin say the word ‘cheerleader’ while daintily waving his hands around as they were holding pompoms. how awfully endearing.

“…or something like that.”

uncontrollable giggles vibrate his body, dramatically slipping down the counter and onto the tiled floor to enshroud himself in extreme sheepishness.

“ah, ____! this is driving me crazy! don’t laugh!”

“what are you doing lying on the floor?” you playfully scold him, recording with your phone in secret. “why do i suddenly feel like the older one?”

“what’s with the noise?”

you whip your head around, wide curious eyes greeted with a shirtless jungkook who is still rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“is that ramyeon…? i want some too.”

jimin groans when he feels your foot poke him lightly.

“mister, can we add more? my googie is hungry too.”

—

“hyung, ____ told me something recently that really put a lot of things into perspective.”

and with that, jimin pours another bottle of beer in his and jungkook’s ice-filled mugs. “let me hear it.”

“if you intend to be with me for a long time, then i need you to need to know. at first i didn’t understand what it meant? then after we talked, something clicked for me. ahhh, i see it now. ____ didn’t want us to trust each other blindly… because that… that isn’t a good… foundation? for something that i want to last for a very long time. you, me, the members… don’t we all trust each other because we know that we’re good people to our core and we’re good at what we do? isn’t that why we have come this far, and why we keep going? besides army, of course!”

jimin blinks lazily, glossy eyes from the alcohol underneath it all. “that’s right. we wouldn’t have started this anyway… without that kind of trust. i don’t think it’s a connection you can just build with anyone too.”

“oh, that’s it. that’s right!”

“living together for a long time doesn’t guarantee it.”

“exactly.” jungkook nods repeatedly, probably too passionately, a guaranteed ticket for a hangover later on. “we talked about that last time too.”

“right? so we should protect it… maintain it… never lose sight of our purpose…”

the lack of words that follow does not equate to silence. glasses clink against each other and teeth rip bags of chips open and noodles are slurped. they’re overseas and they can’t go to a korean restaurant and grill their own meat. the hotel steak would take forever to arrive and quite frankly, they had it yesterday and it was not good. this is not exactly ideal, but it has its own charm.

jungkook takes another swig of the bittersweet alcohol, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand afterwards.

“____ has become an important part of my life that i would do anything to protect too. how do i say it…?” he exhales to relieve the heavy weight on his chest. “i feel like i gained more purpose in life, hyung… to be honest, i might have a harder time because of that. i know it but… i’m happy. seriously, i’m happy.”

—

taglist in the reblogs! send an ask/dm if you want to be added (or removed) :D

—

[misorai]

.

[bgomtori]

☆ popipo! - c.sb

synopsis - you and soobin are your school's most favourite couple, everywhere you go, people hope and that they'll experience what you guys have

-> reserved! soobin x bubbly! reader

-> okokoklalala dynamic based off see you again by tyler the creator! and that one japanese tiktok audio here! .

-> some parts inspired by the c drama, when i fly towards you ^^

-> sunshine x sunshine protecter :" , established relationship

-> note! toothrotting fluff, soobin being absolutely smitten to the reader, everyone jealous of your rs,

you were awoken by the loud banging on your room door instead of your alarm, even if they were just as annoying, you'd much rather be waken up by your alarm. your mum suddenly barged into your room, standing by the door, you felt yourself jump in pure shock.

"hurry up, your boyfriend is here to pick you up from school." you felt your energy levels surging up as soon as your mum told you that. you quickly grabbed your phone and left to the bathroom to get ready.

you were done in the matter of seconds, you wanted to see your boyfriend as soon as possible, you grabbed your bag went towards your kitchen to get something to drink. you shouted bye to your mum from across the living room before heading out. you immediately saw you perfect, tall, and just amazing boyfriend standing near the pathway, one side of his earbud plugged in as he scrolled on his phone, waiting for you. you brisked up your pace and decided to scare him.

"boo!" you exclaimed, jumping and clinging onto his body. you felt soobin stiffen at the contact but once he realised that it was you, he relaxed and patted your head.

"morning." he greeted, his large hands grabbing yours, intertwining them together. your smile grew larger as you started talking about how you started your morning and the tiring things you had to do the night before. soobin replied to your ranting occassionally, it may seem like he wasn't listening but he was memorising every detail you said. you knew that he wasn't good with talking, thus whenever he hummed in response or replied with just a few words, you knew that he was trying for you.

once you arrived at school, soobin followed you around as you said hi to your friends. you were quite popular due to your bubbly and talkative nature, some may be confused on how you found interest in soobin, but you two still made it work. almost everyone in school loved your dynamic, however of course there were some people who were jealous and were projecting their insecurities on the both of you, but who cares! you won by pulling soobin and that was all that mattered.

"the usual place later?" you asked soobin, pulling the earbud he placed in your ear earlier out and returning it to him.

"yea, i'll buy you your favourite." soobin answered while rolling up his earphones up to keep them. you immediately beamed, kissing his cheek before leaving to your classroom, greeting your classmates while on the way to your desk. you waved at soobin again through the window while he slowly made his way to his own class.

you were dead asleep on your table, you were out for at least half the lessons. furthermore, the class was math, so you basically didn't know what was happening once the class ended. the bell rung, signalling that it was finally lunch time. you sprung up from your seat, saying a quick see you later to your classmate before sprinting off to your boyfriend's class.

you were about to step into soobin's class, but noticed that his teacher was still explaining the homework to the class, not ending his lesson yet. you hid yourself behind the wall, praying that no one saw. soobin noticed your pressence and tilted his head towards the backdoor of his classroom, smiling to himself.

"what you smiling over." yeonjun, his seatmate, teased, nudging his shoulder with a stupid grin on his face. soobin rolled his eyes, continuing to pay attention to the teacher, who seemed to be in love with the homework she was giving out.

after a while, soobin's class was done, as soon as you saw the teacher step out of the class. you immediately made your way into the classroom and placed 2 onigiri's on soobin's table. soobin looked at you with a shocked expression, he told you that he was going to buy you your favourite, why did you buy onigiris? you could read soobin's facial expression extremely well at the point, so you placed your hands on you hip, confidently stating,

"since you're working so hard in your classes and my tutor sessions with you in english, i think you deserve a treat! let's just stay here and enjoy." you smiled at him, pulling out yeonjun's seat to sit beside your boyfriend. soobin's lips turned upwards subtly as he sat down beside you, unwrapping the onigiri. however, there was this group of girls sitting infront that were side eyeing you and soobin, you could feel their intense stares and annoyed looks. you decided to ignore them, and continued to doodle on soobin's notes, telling him how your day was so far.

"she's so loud and annoying, jeez."

"soobin should have chosen someone better. like you."

"i know right, what's so good about her anyways? she's literally in the lower tier class of our cohort."

despite whispering, you could hear their comments loud and clear, how ironic, guess they weren't so quiet after all. they even walked out of the classroom giving you nasty looks. your smile faltered, silently munching on your onigiri. soobin couldn't help but notice your silence, and looked at you with concern, you were so happy just a few minutes ago, why were you suddenly so gloomy and quiet? he didn't like that.

"what's wrong?.." soobin asked, his eyes filled with worry. you smiled at him brightly, helping him push up his thickly rimmed glasses.

"nothing! just thinking about something soob, continue with your homework." you replied as if nothing happened, proceeding to draw on soobin's arms this time.

"there's 5 more minutes till class is over, i think i'll go now." you said, getting up from your seat, wanting to leave the class. soobin wanted to walk you back to your class, yet you pushed his body back down onto his seat, his hands gripping onto your waist since he almost fell out of his seat because of how you accidentally shoved him back down onto his seat.

"nuh uh, i'm fine walking myself love. i'll see you after school yea?" you reassured, leaning into leave a kiss on his forehead. you squished his cheek before walking out of the class in hurry, many thoughts rushing into your mind. much to your disappointment, you bumped into the group of girls who was talking shit about you.

"oh, you're here. where's your boyfriend?" one of them snickered.

"he didn't want to walk to back to your trash class? boohoo." another one mocked, wiping her eyes as if she was crying.

"why not project your insecurities somewhere else. maybe reflect on yourself and think, why can't you get have a boyfriend yourself!" you replied with the fakest smile on your face, you patted one of their shoulders, flipping them off before skipping towards your class. even though you confidently stood up for yourself, you were still overthinking about whether you were too loud, too annoying for soobin. you were zoning in and out during lessons, occupied by your own thoughts.

today your lessons ended later than you thought, you were one of the last people to walk out of class this time. you were staring at your phone as you felt yourself bump into someone, you apologised, looking up to face the person, only to find out that soobin was standing infront of you. you darted your eyes around the hallway, avoiding his confused gaze.

"something on your mind?" soobin asked, his words filled with concern and worry. you shrugged it off, smiling at him reassuringly, linking your arms together as you dragged him towards the busstop. soobin knew that there was something on your mind due to how on and off your energy was. he felt helpless, he wanted to help you, but he wasn't a person of words. when he saw you happily stride your way towards the window seat on the bus, he can't help but admire how you still maintained your cheerfulness despite the things you were going through.

"woah, the sky looks nice today." your eyes sparkled, looking at the fluffy cotton like clouds. soobin leaned over your shoulder, trying to cloud gaze with you through the window. you felt your face grow warm, nervously glancing at soobin's flawless skin and side profile from time to time. you noticed how his thumb drew circles around yours when you were holding hands. even if you guys were together for just a few month, you still harboured a huge crush on him, you just felt comforted by just by his presence alone.

you hopped out of the bus, grabbing soobin's hand as soon as he got out of the bus. you felt giddy, as if all your problems faded away from the mere touch of your boyfriend. you finally arrived at your doorstep, you pouted since you didn't spend as much time as you wanted with your boyfriend. you were about to turn around to walk towards your house, but was pulled back by soobin suddenly engulfing you into a hug, his large hands cupping your face, squishing your cheeks. you tilted your head in confusion.

"you know.. you can tell me anything that's bothering you." soobin's eyebrows scrunched up when he saw your face drop.

"was i that obvious.." you looked down, guilty for trying to bottle up your feelings to the one person you swore that you trusted with all your life. soobin nodded his head, you sighed, hands gripping onto soobin's uniform tightly.

"when i was with you in your class just now.. i heard some girls say that i was loud and obnoxious, and how i should be grateful you even chose me to be your partner." you mumbled the words out quickly, feeling slight embarrassment after admitting something so minor. soobin looked at you with saddened eyes, his mind was still searching for the right words to tell you.

"you were never annoying to me yn.. you're perfect for me. i love it when you act like yourself, don't change yourself because of what some stupidly jealous girls say about you-" you felt yourself gulp in shock, soobin was comforting you with words, and not actions, you felt butterflies forming in the pit of your stomach, "if anything i feel like you're too good for me, you always do things for me, and i really appreciate that, you make me feel special, for the first time ever in my life." soobin admitted, the tips of his ears turning red as he licked his dry lips from saying so much.

you felt yourself internally melt at each and every word he uttered out, "I DON'T DESERVE YOU SOOB." you exclaimed, hugging him tighter than usual. soobin smiled to himself as you nuzzled yourself into his chest, you looked up at him, kissing his cheek is sheer happiness. soobin felt more confident than usual, tilting your head up to face him. he leaned in to lock his lips with your, your eyes widened at the sudden contact, slowly melting into his lips, you fell in love all over again. your arms snaked around soobin's neck, while his grip on your hip slowly tightened. you pulled away, literally about to faint, soobin licked his lip, still tasting the strawberry flavoured lipgloss you wore everytime.

"my first kiss." you whispered out loud, still not over what just happened a few minutes ago. you grinned from ear to ear, leaving a peck on soobin's lips before running away into the comfort of your home, waving at him through your window as well. as soon as you plopped yourself on your bed, you screamed in the pillow, giggling and kicking your feet in pure joy and giddiness.

soobs :D : you taste like strawberries.

yn ♡ : SHUTUPP

yn ♡ : i hate you, you're so cute.

soobs :D : pft, i love you too :)

[stariikis]

maybe i lost myself (i don't think i'm okay...)

desc ; inspired by jake's cover song, 'i don't think i'm okay', i wrote this drabble about jake comforting you when all hope is lost.

pairing ; idol!simjaeyun x fem!reader genre ; hurt/comfort, fluff, established rs wc ; 571 warnings ; written in lapslock! probably pretty depressive but at least jake's here for you?

“i don’t think i’m okay…”

you press your nose against the window, raindrops trickling down the other side as you do so. like a curious, wide-eyed puppy, jake scoots up to you on the bed and joins you to look down at the bustling streets of seoul. he’s been so busy the past few days, with their upcoming albums and being ambassadors for so many companies. he’s tried to call you for nights, but when you didn’t pick up, he took it upon himself to visit you at your loft apartment. 

your apartment a complete mess of unfolded, crumpled clothes, textbooks, worksheets.. when you opened the door and saw jake, you weren’t surprised, but he was. he gasped and pulled you into his arms. he didn’t care about your disheveled appearance. he didn’t care that your hands were trembling from forcing yourself to stay awake. he took them in his and squeezed them so hard you swore they were going to break off. 

with tired eyes, you invited him in without a word said. you figured he didn’t need words. 

and he really didn’t. 

when he finally coaxed an explanation out of you, a reason as to why you wouldn’t answer his calls, you couldn’t bear the awkwardness and turned towards the window that stretched all the way from one edge of the wall to the next. it was raining, soft rumbles of thunder rolling around as you and jake spoke in the dim light of your lamp.

you sweep translucent curtains to the side, praying the scenery provides you some respite. any form of peace, to get away from the craziness you’ve been dipping your toes in recently. the hustle and bustle of life that never seems to end, no matter how many tears you shed, hairs you pull out, and all-nighters you pull. it never seems to get better, and you’re losing yourself. 

a blurry image of yourself flits into view as jake gently pulls away from the window, and you look down. onto the rumpled covers of your bed, unwashed and unclean because how could you ever have the time to do house chores? you don’t even have time to touch up on your personal hygiene, evident in the reflection you can’t bear to look at. 

“i don’t think you’re okay…” 

“it’s going too fast. everything is.” 

sweetly, jake pulls you into an embrace that dulls your sense of hearing. his words fade into an oddly calming hum in your ears. your mind starts to whisper again, a spark of inspiration ignited from his mere presence. 

“gwaenchanhayo. daijoubu. you’re okay.” 

for the first time, you just don’t have the energy to cry. you just fall into jake’s arms and let him pluck away your worries one by one. he’s the only one who gets to see this side of you, vulnerable and broken. you don’t want anybody to see you like this but him. 

jake, who knows exactly what you’re going through because he’s experienced just the same. jake, who only needs to be around for a moment for you to feel worlds better than you used to. jake, who would follow your head into the clouds, would follow you even if you’re floating off to space. he doesn’t let go, and it feels like he never will. for a second, you wish he never would. 

“you’re not okay.” 

he pauses to kiss your cheek. 

“and that’s okay.”

[mythsandheather]

Made this for the ULO Reddit and now you guys have to look at it too.

Heard that one podcast where RS talks about how “everyone prayed for good marriages to Hades and Persephone cuz they are SO perfect” and naturally my hateful ass couldn’t let that slide.

[vanteguccir]

Helloo, I was just wondering if there is any website or gofundme that people can donate to to help Brazil? I’ve been reading about it lately but I haven’t seen anything I can donate to. I’m sending everyone good vibes and praying for you all🙏🏻 Please keep us updated if you can!

hii!!! that's so kind of you ;(

I don't know if there is any physical place outside of Brazil where you can go and give material donations for them to bring here (clothes, non-perishable food, hygiene items, etc.), I think only Uruguay has donation reception stations, since their military and firefighters are coming here by plane and helicopter all the time, BUT there are banks where you can make money donations:

🔗

Thank you very much for the initiative, lovely! 🩷

And I'll definitely keep yall updated, I'm planning on trying to get back there between today and tomorrow, as other cities are starting to face new flooding now, too

[peligrosapop]

Pray for RS

[blueisquitetired]

When you got time, do you have any tips on writing Ingo and Emmets dialogue? I really like how you write them but I can't seem to get their speech down. It's mainly Ingos which is annoying since he canonical has more dialogue than Emmet.

Oh thank you!! I’m glad you enjoy- writing these boys dialogue is one of my favorite parts of writing and has made me seriously consider how I write speech for every character I do. It’s been great practice!

Okay, actual advice time lol.

HOW TO WRITE INGO AND EMMET

(According to me, Blue)

(Now, keep in mind that there isn’t one true way to write the boys, and this is just how I personally write them. Take this with a grain of salt)

When you’re first starting out writing the boys I recommend writing dialogue in your own voice and then submasifying it.

For example, let’s take this dialogue and transform it:

“Sorry I’m late for work! My dog chewed through my nice pants so I had to find some new ones! It’s been a bit of a rough day today, not gonna lie.”

So starting with Ingo-

Ingo talks extremely formally and is super long winded. When writing dialogue for him, try to imagine a fancy British butler who uses long words and long sentences. Replace normal words with more “fancy” ones and use more words then you really need to. (A thesaurus can be extremely useful for this)

“My sincerest apologies for my tardy arrival!”

Then, pepper in train terms as much as possible. If he goes three sentences without saying something train related, find a way to stick one in. If you’re stuck, look up a list of train words and take inspiration (I’ll include a list of train expressions I commonly pull from at the bottom of the post) (Make sure to use “Bravo!” and “All aboard!” whenever applicable as well)

“I awoke to the unpleasant surprise of joltik holes in my trousers this morning- which delayed my cab significantly as I was forced to find an undamaged pair!”

I personally strive to use consonants (stuff like I’d, we’ll, don’t) as little as possible with the boys. For Emmet it’s to add to the choppiness of his dialogue and for Ingo it’s because that man would rather use fifty words when one will do. (It also makes them sound more professional!)

“Honestly, after a morning like this one, I pray that the remainder of today’s tracks prove to be much smoother.”

Another thing to keep in mind is that Ingo is extremely polite while Emmet is a bit more blunt. Try to use titles like “sir” and “miss” when writing Ingo- and then just don’t bother with Emmet.

Next up is Emmet, who I personally find much harder then Ingo! Unlike Ingo who’s dialogue you need to add words to, Emmet you need to subtract and simplify! This is the post I originally read to kinda get the jive of things, but here’s my pointers!

First off, figure out what concepts the are being expressed in your sentence, and split those apart.

“Sorry I’m late for work!” has two parts- an apology and an acknowledgment that the person is late. For Emmet we would want to split this single sentence into two.

“I am Emmet! I am late! Sorry!”

Next is vocal ticks! Emmet has several, and they should ideally be sprinkled in sparingly through his dialogue. (You can see that I used ‘I am Emmet’ in the previous section)

‘I am Emmet’ should be used when he is joining a conversation or when he’s about to say something about himself. It CAN be used more then once in a single conversation- but try not to overdo it.

‘Verrrrrrrry’ is another one! Other submas authors have him roll the r on other words as well, but I stick with verrrrrry. This one is easy to use- just extend the word very with extra Rs and use very whenever naturally applicable.

‘Yup’ is one as well- and one I admittedly don’t use often. It rarely jives with the way I write Emmet so I usually don’t bother- but you should definitely keep it in mind!

And of course, train terms! Less often then Ingo of course (since he says less words in general) but if you can find a way to fit it in, go for it.

“The joltiks chewed holes in my pants! Verrrrry naughty. Had to find new pants. Holey pants do not pass safety checks! Yup!”

Finally, the man likes his patterns! When writing Emmet it’s a good idea to have his Blubapedia page open nearby so you can just steal chunks of his script from that. (You can, and should do this for Ingo too!)

“Bad morning. Oh well. Follow the schedule! Everybody smile! All aboard!”

Of course, the man is perfectly capable of speaking longer sentences- but when and where he does so is up to the author.

All that being said, it’s important to remember that you’ll likely have to attempt their dialogue a few times before getting a sentence to flow right. Even for these examples I had to do a couple takes until I found one that really worked!

Here’s a couple of other notes for writing Pokémon characters in general:

Watch out for expressions and words that use animals. (like beeline or ‘in the dog house’) Try to replace those words with their Pokémon counterparts- (such as combeeline [which I’ve typed so many times I’ve started using internally in my day to day life]) or something that sounds close enough (like if your censoring f***, ducklett doesn’t work nearly as good as duck. So try muk instead!)

Do your best to replace religious swears with Pokémon religion! Instead of heavens, or the big G word, use words like, ‘Dragons!’ Or ‘Sweet Swords of Justice!’ (Of course, these are Unovan swears. For Hisui you should be using things like ‘Sinnoh’ and ‘great Time!’. Other regions have their own legendaries as well)

And finally, my list of train terms I pull from regularly!

Cab (or car): To refer to one’s body

“I am afraid my cab is in need of repairs.”

Tracks: A plan or intended route

“Very well! I will follow the tracks you have set!”

Destination: The goal or like, the actual destination

“Bravo! Your talent has brought you to the destination called victory!”

Station (or terminal): A location

“Very well! Let us set our tracks to the Pearl Clan’s station!”

Two Car Train (or three or four or whatever number you need): Friends or a team

“Emmet and I are a two car train!”

Couple (opposite being uncoupled): To join together

“I must ask that you couple your car to mine as we make our way through here. It can get quite dangerous!”

Engine: Another term for your body, but more specifically in regards to energy or drive

“I’m afraid I must rest my engine.”

Refuel: Eat.

“It is getting quite late- let us take a break to refuel.”

Conducting: Guiding

“I look forward to conducting you on this endeavor!”

Derailment (or collision, wreck, trainwreck): Something that has gone wrong.

“Apologies. It appears I have been derailed.”

Unscheduled (opposite being scheduled): Something unexpected

“Ah! A cave in! It appears we must make an unscheduled stop.”

Passenger: Person (or Pokémon)

“It appears we have picked up some unexpected passengers!”

Conductor: Ingo sometimes uses this to refer to himself (works especially well in Hisui)

“Passenger, please refrain from stabbing the conductor”

Delay: Something happening later then scheduled

“Apologies for the delay! Let us begin!”

Sidetracked: put off course

“Ah, but now I have sidetracked us with this talk.”

All aboard!: Good conversation ender 💙

“ALL ABOARD!!!”

[ahgasegotarmy116]

How would JK react if oc said to him, "if only our children would know what a horrible monster their true father is," after he taunts her about saying my children instead of our children? He might be a horrible monster, but I'm sure that he loves them to a certain extent. xx

He definitely does love them but at his core he will always be oc's living nightmare.

Do it for... Mini Masterlist < read for context :)

~~~~

"Jungkook you can't keep showing up like this" I say following him to what I can assume are the children's rooms.

"Am I not allowed to come see my children?" he ask, walking over and peeking into my son's room. Taking note of him sleeping, along with my daughter doing the same in her room next door, cooing when seeing their angelic faces, and closing the door silently.  

"They're not your children they're mine" I say with that same anger that always stirs up inside of me whenever he comes around.

"How many times do I have to tell you angel? They're our children" he says walking away from their rooms and into my husband's office. "If only our children knew what a horrible monster their real father is" I say fighting back, losing what little patients I have left for him. "If only they knew what a terrible slut their mother is. Not even bothering to put up a fight when I offered her a solution to all of her problems"

I bring my hand up and slap him, not realizing what I had done until I feel the sting on my palm and see his face turned to the side. 

He chuckles a bit and turns his gaze back to me with a twisted smile, showing me he actually thoroughly enjoyed that. "Get. Out." I say trying to sound strong but losing more and more strength as time goes on, making seconds feel like hours.

"I didn't come here to argue love I just-". "I said get out" I order through gritted teeth, walking past him towards the front door, praying that he will just follow suit and leave. 

"That one is going to cost you love" he says and trails his fingers down my spine but before I'm able to react fast enough to stop him he's already gone. 

I shut the door behind me and lean my back up against it and sink down to the floor. "Fuck" I say aloud, doing my best to keep my voice down as to not wake the children. Running my fingers through my hair as a way to try and calm myself down I hear a ding from my phone signifying a new notification has come in.

Tomorrow at 8, and wear that dress you know I love xx

Taglist: @jkslipppiercing @trina864 @kaitieskidmore97 @goddesofimortality @coolbluedude @00frenchfries00 @bangtans-momma @coralmusicblaze @pastelpinkjoon @joonwater @marvelbun @j3nni-rs @evidive @beomieboi @forevrglow @jesssssmaybankk @teugiie @chaconnelatte @whoa-jo @snehal @xumyboo @mindurbuzznezz @diorh0seokie @hehurst23 @caro134340lina @ye0nvibezzn @olimpiiaa @hrtsj1m @junecat18 @ellesalazar @babycandy111 @felixz4life @lively-potter @esther-kpopstan @gyukookswhore @iveivory

(I was too lazy to add the taglist for a while so you'll be getting a few notifications for a bit...)

[white-poppie]

heyy could u maybe do a fem reader dealing with sh? with kenma, bokuto, and hinata(separate) from haikyuu. like she accidentally reveals them and they notice it and they all just comfort her? thank u and have a good day!!

You drew st★rs around my scars

A/n: HUGE TRIGGER WARNING AHEAD! So sorry for delaying this anon, life has been complicated these days, I really hope it wasn't an emergency rq. Please don't read it if you are not comfortable, I don't want to accidentally trigger anyone, stay safe :)

TW: S*lf H@/rm, scars, bleeding, crying, distressful situations, poetical depictions of scars (please let me know if I am missing anything.)

NOTE: Please, in case anything is troubling you, do contact someone you trust or the national helpline of your country. It may seem that there is no point in living, but trust me, there are always things worth fighting for. Please don't hurt yourself you are far too precious to be scarred in this way. If you ever wanna talk, my DMs are always open, I have helped people before and it wouldn't be any inconvenience to help more people in need.

FInd the helpline of your country

𝐊𝐄𝐍𝐌𝐀 𝐊𝐎𝐙𝐔𝐌𝐄

The heat dampened your skin, as sweat rolled uncomfortably, sticking the clothes too close to your flesh than you would like. The salty beads of precipitation, made you hiss in pain as they rolled down the fresh, irritated scars; it was all too overstimulating.

The urge to scratch the skin over your pants was irresistible, it was a sort of double-edged sword that was ruining your comfort.

You sighed and decided to change into some shorts instead, it would prevent the sweat build-up that would irritate your skin.

The cool air of the aircon hitting your skin made it so much more bearable.

What you had forgotten in the midst of your discomfort was the fact that your significant other was in fact about to come from his practice soon. You two had planned a pizza dinner today.

"Oi Y/N?" he called as he removed his shoes before entering. You were in a state of comfort, half-bliss at the relief from the scalding sweat, it took you a few seconds before you could respond, panicking you grabbed your pants and tried to slip them over the shorts, "h-here." you called out, puffing as your voice cracked.

But Kenma was quick, agile and laser-sharp; all too cat-like for your liking. It felt like those scenes where the perpetrator was caught red-handed.

Your pants were half slipped up, only till your knees, giving a good view of the scar on your upper thighs, that lay just below your shorts.

You prayed, you hoped, you begged that Kenma wouldn't notice from that far, that the blood wasn't seeping from the fresh scars, that your lips weren't trembling in shame, that you didn't look so utterly defeated and ashamed.

So you just sat on the ground, all the effort you had put up for months, crumbling down all because of the heat -- you were far too careless. You sat on the floor, covering your face with your hands, the pants still bundled up to your knees.

Kenma was petrified, frozen, he had no idea what to do. His heart had dropped to his stomach when he entered and saw your scars in full display. It didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on.

He watched you break down, his hands, shaking and itching to comfort you, to help you somehow, but he is just spell-casted.

"Y/N..." he whispered softly and tries to walk with soft steps as if trying not to startle a sleeping baby, "look at me, please."

He said as kindly as possible, as he sits next to you, his heart breaking at how you softly shake your head.

"Baby please, I promise I won't get mad," he said in such a soft voice, like you would break if he was a tad-bit too loud. You shakily look up at him, eyes red and blood-shot.

"You are okay," he whispered and pat your head, "let's get you cleaned up, alright, we won't want any infections." he said and offered you a hand.

You shakily kept your hand in his as he pulled you up, ordering you to set on the edge of the bed while he got the medical kit.

"Are you gonna leave me?" you asked a little strongly, almost hating how vulnerable you sound.

"Never," he whispered softly and settled on the floor with the medical-kit, "I would never leave you when you need me the most, and I am not saying it out of obligation, I am saying it out of love."

"You are not alone, not anymore, I promise I am never going to blame you for any of this," he said and brushed your hair back, as he sat on floor, gently applying some antiseptic on your thighs with a q-tip.

He makes a mental note to throw all the blades and keep the knives and scissors away from your grasp while you are sleeping to prevent this kind of incident from happening again.

"I love you and nothing can change that, we'll overcome this together, I promise."

𝐁𝐎𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎

Bokuto wasn't the smartest in the bunch, but he was perceptive of emotions, he noticed when people got quiet, he noticed when someone felt left out, he is always there in the sweetest way possible, his antics are just that adorable.

But right now, you wanted nothing more than to just tell him to go away, but you can't, you can't do that to Bokuto, you can't do that to your Koutaro. Even when you are on the verge of collapsing, your vision blurring as you gripped the sink to stabilize yourself from the roar of panic that echoed deeply within the caverns of your brain.

"Angel, let me in, come on," he knocks softly on the door, "I know you are crying, I'll- I'll give you space I promise, I just need to make sure if you are doing okay."

Bokuto knows how much some people value their personal spaces, it was never a problem for him, but he respected that, he would've let you be on any other day, but seeing the way you were acting for the past one week...he is scared. He is terrified of the mere aspect of you doing something reckless that might take you away from him.

"Kou, please leave me be, I just- I don't wanna see anyone right now."

"Baby, please," he almost pleads and you know he is going into his emo mode again, "I'll break the door Angel, but I am not letting you be, not like this."

You panic frantically as you hear that he will burst open the door, “Kou wait-“

“Get away baby,” he says as he braces himself for kicking the door down.

“3…”

Your heartbeat sped up, but you weren’t sure why, Koutarou’s reaction? Being scared that he would leave you? Or the fact that he was gonna break down the door and waste money for no apparent reason.

“2…”

You breath in deeply and unlock the door, standing behind it. You let him open the door.

Koutaro hugs you. No questions asked, no word spoken; just his muscular arms enveloped around your neck as he pulls you close by your waist. His lips rest on your hairline, just kissing forehead and rubbing your back, comforting you.

He slowly pulls away, and holds your face in his hands, no words needed to be spoken, you already know what he is asking, 'baby what did you do?'

You whimper and softly look down to your arms, not uttering a single syllable, seeing the beads of bloodseep into the sleeves of your t-shirt.

Bokuto gulps and looks into your eyes and then back at the sleeves. He held the fabric genty with his thumb and index finger, "I am gonna roll it up." He says and gently rolls it, careful not to hurt you. His throat turns dry and a broken gasp leaves his his mouth.

"Baby..." he says softly as tears line in his eyes.

"Kou I'm so sorry-" you sob and groan. You had been fearing that this day would come soon.

"Its okay," he says and wipes his tears and hugs you again, tightly, "I promise you won't be pushed to the edge like this again, we'll figure something out, alright?"

"We'll talk to a therapist, we'll- we'll figure something out, alright? You are safe, I'll protect you, I promise," he says and kisses your forehead as he cries again.

"I care about you way too much, please don't do anything reckless," he says softly and cries on the nape of your neck, even if you are the one who needs comforting right now. You nod against his t-shrt, your head buried in his chest.

"But baby you gotta promise me to tell me whenever you are itching to do something like this, whenever you feel as if you need to let the bad thoughts out, somehow, you need t talk to me. Give me a call if I am not here, I'll drive to you hell even run to you, barefoot if I have to."

𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐀 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐘𝐎

Hinata felt like a fool to have believed you when you said the scars that lay on your lower-belly were cat-scratches.

He noticed them when your shirt rode up a little while you stretched. the thin scars actually did resemble cat scratches, so he didn't think much of it.

Hinata was finally concerned when witnessed how you hissed when he wrapped his arms around your waist when you were doing something, or how you pushed him back a little when he poked your belly to get your attention.

For a long time he thought he had done something wrong, until he noticed how your smile was loosing its radiant glow that blinded a thousand suns, how your eyes seemed murky and grey instead of full-of verve...he knew something was very wrong.

"Did your cat scratch you again?" he asks suddenly and you are caught-off-guard.

"What cat?" you asked and he frowned.

"Love why do you have scars on your stomach then? Is someone bullying you? Hurting you?" he questioned softly, his eyes all observant and curious.

Your heartbreat fastened at the question, thumping widely against your ribs, "just nothing..." You said and internally groaned at your awkward reasoning.

"You know I am not letting you drop it, right? I care about you, even of it means that I am overbearing sometimes, I say all this out of concern, " he sighed, "I promise I won't judge you for anything." He says reassuringly, smiling with such glee that makes you tear up.

It felt as if you were cheating him, repressing your nature in front of him, but at the same time you wanted to conceal all of it. he was just too pure and you felt tainted...in the worst way possible, the irreversible way that can't be washed away like grime.

"Shoyo, I'm sorry," you whisper, "I-I hurt myself." You say as tears roll down your face.

"It got bad, I-I- relapsed, I tried to stop myself, I really did," you sob.

"You-you did this to yourself?" he asks bewildered, as if the concept of someone inflicting pain upon themselves is a foreign to him, "why?"

"It got bad Shoyo, my headspace wasn't exactly the best- I had stopped it a few years ago, took me all the effort, but I crumbled, I crumbled under the stress," you cry on his shoulder as he hugs you tightly, careful to not to touch the scars on your belly.

"I got you," he says as his lip trembles as he hugs you tightly,"I got you, I got you."

He breaks from the hug and looks at you, "promise me you won't hurt yourself- I'll figure something out, don't do this to yourself, you are so goddamn beautiful, don't hurt yourself like this." He hiccups and kisses your cheek.

"Are they new? Did you put rubbing alcohol on them? Bandage?" he asks, panicking a little.

You shake your head and he sighed, "I- sweetheart you should've cleaned them at least, they can cause an infection."

He sighs and asks you, "may- may I see them?" He questions softly and it makes your eyes widen, as you stare at him with shock.

"i promise I won't judge you, I gotta see them baby" he says softly and waits for you to roll up you t-shirt. He examines the scars on your lower belly, his heart breaking at the sight of how much you've hurt yourself, yet at the same time he is reluved that they don't see too recent, that means you didn't hurt yourself in the past few days.

He gently holds you by your waist and kisses your scars. A soft gasp escaped your mouth as he does this.

"Shouyo what are you doing?" you question, but he doesn' move, he just kisses your scars like its his lifeline, its ticklish but its so intimate that it makes you tear-up again.

"So frickin' strong," he mumbles against your skin, "I love you so much, I swear you are the most perfect person in this entire world. Your scars only make you look cooler."

He sighs and looks up at you, "but honey, you gotta promise you won't hurt yourself anymore, scars are cool, they tell your story, but I hate seeing you hurt yourself like this."

You nod hesitantly, "I'll try."

He smiles and rests his head on your skin, it doesn't matter to him, if there is a little trail of hair on it, or the scars littlering its expanse like constellations, he just loves you that much.

- HAIKYU!! - Fanfictions

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