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relationshipsure09 · 2 years ago

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5 Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them

As a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the 37 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers:

The secret ingredient to keeping your man focused and interested in your relationship

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behavior. Controlling behavior falls into two major categories – overt control and covert control.

Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.

Covert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explaining, lying and denying. Often a person at the other end of attack will respond with some form of covert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked.

The secret ingredient to keeping your man focused and interested in your relationship

Controlling behavior always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid.

RESISTANCE

Many people enter a relationship with a deep fear of being engulfed and controlled – of losing themselves. The moment they experience their partner wanting control over them, they respond with resistance – withdrawal, unconsciousness, numbness, forgetfulness, and procrastination.

When one partner is controlling and the other is resistant – which is really an attempt to have control over not being controlled - the relationship becomes immobilized. Partners in this relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant, and resentful.

NEEDINESS

Many people enter a relationship believing that it is their partner’s job to fill their emptiness, take away their aloneness, and make them feel good about themselves. When people have not learned how to take responsibility for their own feelings and needs, and to define their own self-worth, they may pull on their partner and others to fill them with the love they need.

The secret ingredient to keeping your man focused and interested in your relationship

SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS

Most people who feel empty inside turn to substance and process addictions in an attempt to fill their emptiness and take away the pain of their aloneness and loneliness. Alcohol and drug abuse, food, spending, gambling, busyness, Internet sex and pornography, affairs, work, TV, accumulating things, beautifying, and so on, can all be used as ways to fill emptiness and avoid fears of failure, inadequacy, rejection and engulfment. And they are all ways of shutting out your partner.

EYES ON PARTNER'S PLATE

Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems, but completely unaware of what they are doing. For example, you might be very aware of your partner’s resistance or withdrawal, but totally unaware of your own judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partner’s anger, but completely unaware of your own compliance. You might be very aware of your partner’s addictive behavior, but very unaware of your own enabling. As long as your eyes are on your partner instead of on yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, everything would be okay.

RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS

All relationship killers come from fear – of inadequacy, of failure, of rejection and of engulfment. As long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or more of the above ways.

The way out is to develop a loving adult self who knows how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs. You will move beyond controlling, needy and addictive behavior only when you learn how to fill your self with love and define your own inner worth. When you are willing to take your eyes off your partner’s plate and turn your eyes fully on yourself, you can begin to do the inner healing work necessary to heal yourself and your relationship.

The secret ingredient to keeping your man focused and interested in your relationship

A good place to start is to download our free Inner Bonding course and begin to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding. The daily practice of these steps will move you out of your addictive and controlling behavior and into the personal responsibility necessary to heal your relationship.

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self-growth-for-the-soul · 3 years ago

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Never Give Up Can you continue to rise?

The great Nelson Mandela said, "I never lose. I either win or learn." Take a few moments and genuinely reflect on those words and your journey in life so far. How many of us would love to take back some of our past time to bring Nelson Mandela's words into action. I know I would be the first to raise my hand today.

Throughout life, we all have heard similar wisdom as Mandela's in some way, telling us never to give up. Always try your best, rise when we fall, and so on. Yet, how many times did we decide to give up only to find ourselves years later trying again at whatever it is we had failed at before.

It's not unusual for anyone to have dreams, aspirations, desires, or goals, but it's also not uncommon that we quickly give up when a storm or failure hinders our faith or progress.

Soon after, we go back to our everyday life, which includes work, paying the bills, and spending time with our loved ones. Anything wrong with this, absolutely not. However, suppose we begin to take a closer look at the one percent of human beings that have come and gone in life to achieve some of the most incredible imaginations, inventions, visions, and purposes. In that case, we will quickly learn that they had jobs, bills to pay, and a family to spend time with, but despite it all and their many failures and setbacks, they persisted in their inner desire for their calling or dream.

What then could we say about these superhuman potential men and women who, despite all odds, were able to leave their mark on the earth for the good of all humanity. Could there be a "Secret" to reaching the one percent?

Recently more than ever, I have been pushing my horizons to go through a period in my own life where I am immersing myself in the ideas of personal growth and development. I can only speak for myself when I say that the more I engross myself in personal growth via books, videos, courses, etc., the more I realize that the people who have gone to achieve their dreams and higher callings all are saying the same thing.

Every person's story has had its share of ups and downs, but the common denominator in all their stories is that they never gave up.

Like Nelson Mandela, many folks I've been learning more about lately don't associate failure or mistakes with losing but rather a lesson. Discipline is another factor in their character that led many to leave a legacy for the good of all. Putting in the hours, hustle, and perseverance even when those times of doubt, fear, and insecurity come to mind is what great ones like Kobe Bryant, MLK, Henry Ford, Oprah Winfrey, and many more did.

Thus, I question us, who are no different from any of these people. In essence, all are created equal in our humanity and capable of developing the same characteristics and habits they had to achieve dreams and purpose. Yet, why is it that we aren't fulfilling them then?

Could the answer to this question be as simple as what we were all told as children, which is never to give up? Nelson Mandela's story and words voice this truth throughout his life. Every one of our lives at some point did too, but somewhere on the journey, we blended into the world's standard. Our voice became a bit shallow, our minds discouraged, our hearts unsure, and eventually, we hid our souls. Thi an unfortunate reality, but never too late to not pick ourselves up where we last left off.

Compared to the times of many of the great leaders and creators of life, today, we live in a time where one has all the free resources to become or achieve a dream or purpose rapidly. Unfortunately, at the same time, we live in a time where distractions and procrastination are also rapidly accessible. Technology has enabled anyone to work towards their aspirations despite the busyness of life. In contrast, technology has made it possible for anyone to get caught in the rat race of being entertained.

Perhaps our struggle today with not working towards our dreams and purposes is not only that we give up too quickly after failure and our distractions. Another aspect could be that we are not fully aware of the hard work and discipline it takes to reach one's dreams and purpose because of our inability to see the full depth of those who have come before to live out their passion. We may enjoy reading about them and seeing their stories unfold, but have we ever taken the time to reflect on how they all arrived at their promised land.

Life is available to us all, and the freedom to choose one's path now more than ever before, but still, many are struggling. Perhaps the struggle is not as bad as others, but their battle is theirs to each. And in the end, who is anyone to judge or point the finger at another's struggles. Life is not easy for anyone, life is a struggle, and that is where maybe the key to one's success lies.

Everyone is capable of fighting in life and never giving up. We all have been doing it since birth. Just look at a small child learning to walk and fall countless times only to get back up and try again. The secret to life has always been inside us, yet we stop executing. The reasons why many of us give up on our dreams or passions are countless. We all have our testimonies and reasons for why we may settle for a life that gives up on passionate dreams.

Regardless, why should we give up on those things that only you know light a fire in you when you are chasing them. Could it be possible that those difficulties or struggles that lead us to quit need to be confronted for success, as we can see in all successful people's stories?

When we refuse to continue in life despite what may be going on externally or internally, we short-change our potential. We all have the capability never to give up, but it is not a destination like one may think. Instead, it is an ongoing battle while we are still on the journey. And like in all wars, there will be moments of triumph, success, and failure. But, in the end, when we continue to awaken and confront the battles, we will learn lessons and be able to continue taking action towards victory.

Remembering Nelson Mandela's simple truth in our everyday actions towards achieving our passions and dreams will make anything possible. In many ways, sounds too easy, right? Well, maybe, but the key to it all is to add other ingredients like consistency, grit, hope, faith, discipline, and all these attributes that, since birth, have been a part of us.

Take time to study some of the greats who have done it in life and some young babies who are learning to walk, and you will see that they have much in common. The "Secret" is inside us all, and nothing outside can make it manifest but yourself.

Never give up because, like the great Nelson Mandela also said, "There is no passion for being found playing small — in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."

#courage #faithful #hope #self growth #self development #self improvement

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goodgrammaritan · 3 years ago

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Gratitude Journal

Sunday and yesterday were stressful. We are getting our foundation fixed, and it necessitates being out of the house for a week. Due to busyness and stresses and both of us being procrastinators a bit, we didn't really start moving furniture and all of that until Sunday evening, and were up until midnight getting everything ready. Then I didn't fall asleep until after 1:00, and Noah didn't fall asleep until after 2:00, but we woke up at 6:00 am to continue work and make sure the pets were ready to go to the vet for boarding (no thanks to Ikki, who cleverly hid in the folds of the comforter on the library loveseat, and delayed us a further 10 minutes or so).

Noah took the animals to the vet, the workers arrived, I gave them keys and moved my car and kind of anxiously paced until Noah returned.

When he got back he told me to go ahead and go to HIIT at 9:00 since I missed the early morning class. This meant I got to see my friend lindsay, and it had been a minute. We were chatting in the parking lot afterwards, and I was telling her that hotel check-in wasn't until 3:00, but I had work at noon, so my options were either to go back to the house and quickly shower before the workers started interior work, or check in early at the hotel, with an $11/hour fee for every hour before check-in time.

She told me to come over and shower at her place. I deserved, but eventually took her up on the offer. And it was wonderful. Her kids and husband were out of the house, so it was just her and the adorable dog, and it was clean and quiet and restful. The guest bathroom had soft towels and a wonderful-smelling lemon sage shampoo, and it was just exactly what I needed.

After I showered, she toasted me some bread and got out some leftover tuna salad, and made me a plate with pickle-flavored chips to accompany the sandwich. It was a perfect act of kindness, and some much needed care at a stressful time.

Also, since Noah had taken off work to deal with all of the foundation stuff, he was able to come visit me on my break, so he picked up Starbucks for me and since it's the first nice weather day since spring, we sat in his car in the parking lot and just chatted and enjoyed the breeze and the shade.

And it was a good day at work. I got a customer's crickets all by myself, including getting air into the bag, a feat which has taken until this, my 9th day of work, to accomplish.

9/27/22

#gratitude journal #kindness #a shower #coffee #good day at work

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whatevsreviews · 6 years ago

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Looking For Alaska- Series Review

Tumblr it has been over a minute.

The reason I have a Tumblr account is because of John Green.

And Hank.

The Vlogbrothers and their infamous fanbase also known as Nerdfighters.

In the quest to decrease world suck, the Australian branch dedicated to spreading the cause of Nerdfighteria would gather around their phones and laptops to debate all of lives biggest questions, along with geeking (or needing) out on the accepted pop culture institutions of our time (namely, Doctor Who and Harry Potter).

My entrance to the group began many years ago with a friend messaging to see whether I would be interested in joining a group of nerds. A decision that would change the course of my life forever.

As decisions tend to mostly do.

This one shaped my university years of lack of sleep, procrastination and pondering on questions I still ponder on now.

But this review isn't about then, but now.

Now, I have left the group, but the legacy of the friendships I formed continue today, over half a decade later. Face-to-face, not just online.

Now, as most of us now do, have a tertiary qualification. I’ve moved out of home, and suddenly the reality of existence is becoming ever more prominent.

In the midst of all of this change, a series of a book from my adolescence.

I’m still subscribed to the Vlogbrothers, but honestly watch John’s videos depending on how enticing the title is.

There was a video on Looking For Alaska.

The series was here.

After the great success of The Fault in Our Stars and my personal favourite Paper Towns, Looking For Alaska was always hanging in the balance. It had been signed, but it was never. the right time.

There is a time for everything, reads Ecclesiastes.

A time to be born, and a time to die.

A time to mourn, and a time to dance.

A time to be silent and a time to speak.

This was the time for Alaska’s voice to be heard.

And if you have got through this lengthy introduction, congratulations, because the review is ahead.

Spoilers below.

If you are unfamiliar, it follows the story of Miles “Pudge” Holter, who moves to his father’s Alma Mater to try and find the “Great Perhaps”. Essentially, to change his environment to see what else life has to offer. He makes some friends, including Alaska Young. The story follows their adventures through high school, but more importantly, life.

This series was the book in film form. Period.

I was never a big fan of the book. I haven't re-read my review yet (https://whatevsreviews.tumblr.com/post/59940141886/looking-for-alaska), but there were certain plot points that put me off, and I think the characters irritated me.

((nb: I reread my review and realised that I was simply very square. I can see why I was thinking what I was thinking then, but I wrote that in 2013. I hadn't experienced love, heartbreak, deep disappointment. I was in a bubble. I had the rosiest glasses on. The book would hit different now.))

It has been a very long time since I read the book, and so while a couple of plot points have been embedded in my memory, I had forgotten most. This made for such an engaging viewing experience, as I would remember what was to come but not enough to be bored or lose sight of what was going on.

I don't know if its because I'm older and I'm understanding life a bit more, but I absolutely loved this series. First of all, the cinematography was beautiful. the tone throughout was consistent. I loved that it was set in the early 2000′s, because that is my childhood. The music, the references (The OC, iPod Classics, Meerkat Manner, Milkshake by Kelis) are hallmarks for my adolescence. So to see characters play those experiences out in front of my eyes was overwhelming in ways I could never imagine. I know films like Breakfast Club are such hallmarks for that era, but when I watched it, it was almost as if the other movies I had watched, referencing it had given me the lessons I needed to learn. What I'm trying to say is that Looking for Alaska is our Breakfast Club, and is an apt time capsule.

The actors did such a great job at humanising these characters that when I read them felt like caricatures.

The beauty of John Green is his ability to expose the flaws of every human, humanising us all. We are more alike than we are different. We build people up to be more than they are. It’s not right or wrong, but merely human nature. What is underneath the comparison? More questions. But we have to find our own resolution.

This series exposed so much. Racism, sexuality, bullying, the meaning of life, to name a few. Because when you're in high school, these are the questions we asked. I pondered more then than now. The busyness of life is adequately distracting.

I just want to read again. I’m a willing victim of the social media generation. I want silence. I want to feel internally. To process. To rest. I can’t convey how liberating this series has been. It’s reminded me of a time that I had forgotten. And realising that youth can be lived today. Rather than crying about how short life is, live it.

I got Pudge. So darn awkward and confused but he had purpose and passion and was so, so loyal. The Cornel was my fave. His smile. SO charming, yet so broken. So charismatic and optimistic, but his facade hung by a thread. Takumi was boss. He held his own. Subtle yet powerful. Lara was so sweet but strong and resolute. Alaska. I misunderstood her then, but I get her now. I get it. I don't agree, but I get it. Life is hard. You don't get the answers you want. At some point you have to rationalise. At some point you have to let go. At some point there is nothing you can do- it’s just how it is. Blame or trying to tie things neatly doesn't escape the facts of events. You can only control your response to the terrible things that occur.

I loved the Eagle so, so much. Again, John Green humanised him so not only we understood his angle and motive, but we were left with the truth. Not some adult (I write, ignoring the fact that I am very much an adult and of teaching age) trying to lord over us. On the contrary, he was a man who understood his responsibility and the cost that responsibility brought. But even then, he failed. As we all do. As is life. The Eagle also touched on perspective. For the students, high school was everything. The Eagle knew better. But they had to live through it to understand. So you can see their logic, but the hindsight of experience is only truly appreciated when experienced.

I also loved Jake. He was such a nice guy. Period. That was it. There wasn't anything to hate him for. So refreshing. I understood the bullies too. Everyone had an angle that made sense to them. It doesn't matter if you don't agree. Humans have autonomy.

I have nothing negative to say about this series.

It made me genuinely laugh out loud, it made me weep, it made me ponder, it let me reminisce, and reminded me of what it feels to be present.

My answer to Miles Holter’s question of finding the Great Perhaps is to create. I’ve lived this life before. The rudimentary nature of existing petrified me. A time for everything? A time to be intentional.

I’m thankful for John Green’s mind to come up with these honest thoughts woven into the banality of life for us to enjoy. I didn't realise how much I had forgotten the lessons I had read years ago.

How do I get out of the labyrinth of suffering?

I choose life.

John 16:20. You will have sorrow. But your sorrow will turn into joy.

10/10.

DFTBA.

#looking for Alaska #john green #the great perhaps #miles holter #alaska young #labyrinth #paper towns #tfios #nerdfighters #vlogbrothers #youtube #2005

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nanorelationship · 2 years ago

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5 Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them

As a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the 37 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers:

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.

Controlling behavior always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid.

RESISTANCE

NEEDINESS

SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS

EYES ON PARTNER'S PLATE

RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS

for information click here.....................

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yhwhrulz · 3 years ago

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Today's Daily Encounter 1st June 2022

Winning Over Worry - Part I

"A relaxed attitude lengthens a man's life."1

The alarm clock blares out its hideous jangle and suddenly you are snapped into the world of reality. First comes the struggle to get out of bed, then the rush to get to school or work on time, and then comes the stress of trying to juggle all of your seemingly endless responsibilities throughout the day.

Is this how your day starts? And aren't these pressures mild compared to the ones you face as the day and week wear on?

We live in a world of ever-increasing stress and worry with school, work, family, financial, and social pressures. Not many people are free from worry of some kind. However, an overload of worry and anxiety are a major problem of contemporary society. In excessive amounts they can take years off your life.

Some people like to think that things don't bother them. "No problem," they say as they put on a brave front and reach for the aspirin or alcohol bottle to medicate the pain of their inner anxieties.

But it isn't possible to deaden inner anxiety. It will reveal itself in many ways. For instance, George withdraws when he is upset, hurt, or uptight. Susan talks endlessly to cover her anxiety. Bill chain smokes to avoid facing his. Harry attacks when he feels threatened. Jack dominates and Judy procrastinates. Dennis is a constant complainer. Joan is a compulsive eater, Fred a compulsive drinker, Tom a compulsive worker, and Frank a compulsive gambler--all because of inner unresolved worry and anxiety.

Anxiety may also express itself in a physical way. Abdominal pains, high blood pressure, a twitch, allergies, ulcers, nervous stomach, tension headaches--all have been named by doctors as symptoms of anxiety and worry.

Yes, sooner or later unresolved worry and anxiety will win out. When one fails to talk out his worries in healthy ways, he will act them out in unhealthy ways in one form or another.

To be continued …

Suggested prayer: "Dear God, if and when I am worried or afraid, please help me not to deny it or escape into over-busyness, procrastination, or any addictive or compulsive behavior, but face it square on, see the cause and lead me to the help I need to overcome and win over my worry. Thank you for hearing and answering my prayer. Gratefully, in Jesus' name, amen."

Proverbs 14:30 (TLB)(NLT).

Today's Encounter was written by: Richard Innes <:))))><

NOTE: If you would like to accept God's forgiveness for all your sins and His invitation for a full pardon Click on: http://www.actsweb.org/invitation.php. Or if you would like to re-commit your life to Jesus Christ, please click on http://www.actsweb.org/decision.php to note this.

Daily Encounter is published at no charge by ACTS International, a non-profit organization, and made possible through the donations of interested friends. Donations can be sent at: http://www.actscom.com

ACTS International P.O. Box 73545 San Clemente, California 92673-0119 U.S.A.

Phone: 949-940-9050 http://www.actsweb.org

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its-julias-words-blog · 7 years ago

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Habits Experiment

I’ve always had issues with keeping to working out and eating healthily. I have a condition called PCOS, which has a lot of symptoms but the one that really matters in this case is the fact that its super duper hard for me to lose weight, and to do so it requires a really strict diet and exercise routine to maintain.

This summer when I had a lot less to focus on, I used to work out fairly regularly and focus a lot on how I ate, but now it’s the exact opposite. As school got busier I felt like the effort it took to go and workout increased from the summer, and I got more prone to eating unhealthy foods because of stress. I want to begin to get back on track with my working out, because I know it keeps me a lot less stressed and more focused.

Explain your procrastination or multitasking problem and explain why you want to fix it.

The busyness of my everyday life has gotten in the middle of my self-care- and in turn has shot me into a spiral of not working out and then getting even less focused leading me to not work out! Me not working out also worsens the symptoms of PCOS which includes acne and hair growth which isn’t super fun for me! So, I want to take on this challenge to hopefully keep me a bit more focused and a lot more healthy!

Explain how you will implement the strategy – be as specific as possible.

I want to be able to work out between one or two times a week to start, because it really matters to me that I first get into the habit of working out every once and a while before I fully jump back into exercise.

My first session working out will most likely be this weekend (I’m aiming for Saturday unless something comes up) and around 11am after I’ve woken up and digested my breakfast, I will go downstairs to my basement where we have a stationary bike and treadmill.

My first workout will be cardio, because I feel as though I have an easier time doing cardio than strength workouts. Cardio also gives me a much higher release of endorphins after I do it, and it seems to feel more effective for me.

My cardio workouts will be about 45 minutes, 15 minutes on the treadmill and 30 minutes on the stationary bike. This workout is fairly standard for me, and I like the way it makes me feel a lot. I do know that later on I will have to change the workout I do because I get bored easily, but I want to be able to start with something familiar.

After my workout I want to have a slow and mindful cooldown, doing some yoga would be a great way to do this, and since I did a yoga class in school last year I find it easy to pick back up.

I want to be able to work out around four times in the next two weeks- about twice a week give or take, once on the weekend and once on a school night. I think that workout schedule is very realistic and not completely time consuming. As well as that working out makes me a lot more focused so I think I’ll be a lot more motivated to work out after my first time working out.

What is your end goal? How will you know the strategy works for you?

My end goal as I stated before is to work out around four times in the next two weeks. I’m hoping to be motivated to work out and I’m hoping to become more motivated and focused as the experiment continues. PCOS has been a big challenge to deal with and has really derailed my mental health and motivation recently, and keeping it more under control means a better way for me to maintain my mental and physical health. If I become more motivated to work out within the next few weeks and see some results I will know that the strategy has worked.

What are your critical moves?

My most critical move is to actually get downstairs and work out that first time because it’s super easy to find a million excuses as to why its not a good idea to work out. I need to be able to be the rational guide in my mind rather than a crazy monkey that focuses on the short term please of doing nothing and doesn’t see the long term benefits of working out.

In the future, also making sure that I change up my workouts so I don’t get bored, or taking up classes would be a great way to keep me motivated when working out.

How will you shrink the change?

The most important part of my plan is making it achievable for me- and that means it needs to be realistic. I could plan an elaborate 14 day workout routine that consists of a 2 hour workout every single day but I know that I’ll absolutely never get around to it. For me, that challenge is so scary that in the end I’ll lose motivation instead of gaining it like I’d like to in this challenge.

So, to not spook me (or the elephant) I’m creating an achievable goal which is two workouts a week with one being on the weekend. This eliminates the stress of thinking working out will take up too much time, and doesn’t tire me out to the point that I don’t want to work out anymore. Resonable workout lengths also ensures that I get positive endorphines from working out, and feel more focused but also do not feel drained.

How will you tweak the environment?

I want to make sure working out is done in a place where I feel comfortable and that does not require a lot of effort to get to. For example, working out at a gym 20 minutes away would certainly discourage me from going there because of the 20 minute commute. At home, I have ample room for strength workouts on the floor and opportunities for cardio workouts on the workout machines I have. This makes workouts easy to get to and also not boring!

It’s also important to tweak my workout plans for how I’m feeling. For example, I used to take boxing classes downtown and the feeling of going outside and travelling on the TTC over the weekend was a great change of scenery to staying in my home for the entire morning. I might want to incorporate those boxing classes in these couple of weeks if I feel I have the time and want to go downtown! Working out in front of other people also gives me a type of accountability for working hard. I want to be able to complete the work out since I payed for the class and since other people are watching me!

In conclusion, I am very excited to begin working out again, and to be a stern leader in my mind to avoid procrastinating exercise! I know just a couple of workouts will put me on track to doing more workouts and then in turn getting fitter. I’m curious to see how the challenge pans out and I will make sure to communicate what happens at the end of the two weeks!

#habits #exersice #experiment #procrastination

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ujumao-as · 4 years ago

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So now, will tackle about the stage of adolescence, as we all know its inevitable for all of us, everyone entered this layer of our life and this is the time that our to-do list on to daily basis is up and down.

well let's start on the question.

Can you describe your current situation as an adolescent?

This existing moment, playing the role as an adolescent is a time that both challenges and freedom came to be, in my own terms of expressing, as an adolescent challenge such as family, work, education, and peers, and even financial came to be as part of the responsibility of growing up, as for now, I can say in the state of not tired but in-between tired and fired up, I hope it will take off in my own good favor on the situation might happen and not just go with the flow.

and I want to include lesson #4 because its relate from the previous discussing above.

what are the challenges you face and how you can manage them?

On one specific task like taking an exam, the barrier for me to put it into action is procrastinating, distraction, and lack of time so for me to evade this, I'm anticipating on the first place after few days until finding a way to bind and set on my schedule before taking a study in this aspect its very easy for me to convince myself, and some another circumstance know or unknown, just be ready and take a deep breath first

Lastly, do you believe that adolescents is a period of stress and storm.

yup, I think we can't run to this, it's all about how you treat yourself into the situation, for instance having time management is extremely help you in the long run and stave off busyness and the rigor of the day, even wealthy peole are experiencing from the demand of school to our personal need and life , that's why resting ourselves for a while give us the energy to accomplished the day

uly

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dailyaudiobible · 7 years ago

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02/05/2018 DAB Transcript

Exodus 21:22-23:13, Matthew 24:1-28, Psalms 29:1-11, Proverbs 7:6-23

Today is February 5th. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It’s great to be here with you as we get ourselves going into the brand-new work week. And I’m honored we can take a few minutes out of all of the busyness that we face, kind of non-stop, and center ourselves in God’s word. So, we’re reading from the Good News translation this week. Today, Exodus chapter 21 verse 22 through 23 verse 13.

Commentary:

Okay, I don’t remember exactly what day it was, but a couple weeks ago we talked about apocalyptic worldviews. And we went into some of the history and just kind of defined it. And so, just by way of reminder, if you live your life believing that the world is coming to an end and then we'll be reborn again in some way, that God is bringing everything to a close and will bring justice and an end to deception and evil and then something new will come forth, then that's an apocalyptic worldview. And the thing that's important about that is if we believe that, and I believe that because it's in the Bible. Jesus is talking about it today. But it's this thing that's out in front of us that influences how we live now. And that's not a bad thing, either. I mean, Jesus invites us to be vigilant. Jesus invites us to live as if it's today. So, having an apocalyptic worldview isn't a bad thing, but being able to name it and then understanding what a pivotal component of the faith journey that it is, is helpful, because it gets pretty murky. Right? You're looking out there into the future at a time and then you're trying to figure out if this is the time. And people have been doing this for a long time, thousands of years. And they were most definitely doing it in Jesus' time. So, Jesus is in Jerusalem. The temple has been made extravagant by Herod's developments. It's a beautiful place and the disciples are commenting on it and Jesus is telling them…he basically…get a good look, it's all coming down. And that proved to be true. I mean, within fifty years of Jesus saying that, Jerusalem was destroyed, including the temple. So, Jesus' disciples ask Him when this is going to happen. And Jesus begins to talk about the apocalypse. And He'll be continuing that conversation even in tomorrow's reading. So, we don't need to go over everything that Jesus said, we just read it. We can re-read it, it's pretty clear. I'm just pointing it out again, because Jesus is talking directly about it. He actually talks about it a lot, every time He talks about enduring to the end and this kind of perseverance. This is attached to the apocalyptic worldview. And it's a big part of our faith. However, it's a part of our faith that feels like simmering dread a lot of times. Like a light layer of fear over everything because we believe that God will bring justice and eradicate evil and bring the end of what is now and give birth to something new. But what we have in the Scripture is a lot of symbolism and imagery. So, Jesus even refers in his talk today to the prophet Daniel. Well, the book of Daniel is apocalyptic in nature, especially the second half of it when he starts having, when Daniel starts having visions. And then we get to books like the book of Revelation and it's full of symbolism and evokes a lot of dread. And perhaps a lot of unnecessary dread, because it's so shrouded in mystery. So, why don't we just pay attention to this as we're moving through the Scriptures this year? Why don't we just name it and understand that this is what's going on? And, rather than looking for the fear and the anxiety and the dread, why don't we look for the hope in all of this? Because this is a year of hope. So, let's just recognize the apocalyptic worldview in the Scriptures, in our own lives, and spend the year, in part, at least, when we encounter this, acknowledging, ok, this is, this is that. And one of the places we can get hope, even in today's reading, is when Jesus says, this stuff is going to happen, it's going to be difficult, kind of like having a baby is. All these things are like the first pains of childbirth, Jesus said. So, I have never given birth to a child, but I have five kids so going through the process isn't a new thing to me. And, you know, there is incredible happiness and joy and longing, a bit of dread about the process. There is pain and pushing involved. It's very difficult work that brings new life.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for its counsel. We thank You that it touches everything about us, including our view of what is yet to come. And we invite You into this, every step of the way, because You bring light and You bring life and You bring good news and You bring hope. And we need all of these things to survive. So, we invite your Holy Spirit into what we've read today and ask You to plant it in our lives. And we ask in Jesus name. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, it’s home base, it’s where you find out what’s going on around here.

So, looking at the calendar, just two days from now, day after tomorrow, I'll be in Bakersfield, California and I have the privilege of speaking at New Life Church. Looking forward to that very much. So, if you are in the area, be sure to come say hello. You can get the details at dailyaudiobible.com in the Events section. So, we'll see you soon out on the west coast.

Also want to remind you of the More Gathering for women that is coming up this April in the mountains of northern Georgia, just about an hour outside of Atlanta. Looking forward to that very much and hope you can come if you're a lady, it's for women. Hope you can come and join the sisterhood. It is a beautiful thing to behold, indeed. You can get all the details for the More Gathering at moregathering.com. So, be sure to check that out as well.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There's a link, it's on the homepage. If you're using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996, Spring Hill, Tennessee, 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that’s it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I’ll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi Daily Audio Bible. My name is Liz. I’m calling from Oregon. You are blessed and highly favored by our Lord our Father. I wanted to say this is my first year. January has been my first month. We’re almost through. I am so beyond grateful. I’m trying not to get emotional because…I don’t have too many…But I love you all. You guys are all a blessing to me. I want to first thank a few people. Slave of Jesus, North Carolina, Diane B. – shalom, shalom - Blind Tony ___ there’s so many more and I’d like to let you know how encouraging you are and how grateful I am to you and to Brian and his family. I’m calling in for prayer. 2017 was the best. 2018 is starting off to be wonderful and I’m so blessed by the DAB program. So, I’m going to go ahead and say I’m praying for my future husband. I don’t know who he is, but I want to know healing from past wounds and insecurity. I’m starting my own business because I know that God has made me to do more and be more. So, I’m believing Him for that. Please my fellow DABbers, pray against fear, loneliness, insecurities, and procrastination. Pray for focus to __ and full faith in God. Thank you so much for your prayers and continued support. And I love you all so much. Thank you.

Hi friends this is Lisa the Encourager. I wanted to pray tonight for Siaka from Sydney Australia. Siaka I know you are crying when you called in and you have a chronic illness and yoy’re also in the middle of an strange relationship. So, I’m praying for you that you will be healed soon from your chronic illness. And I’m very, very sorry that you are having to deal with two very stressful situations at the same time. You know, sometimes when we have one burden to carry, it’s enough to overwhelm us, but you’re going through to really difficult situations, you’re having a relationship issue and your also dealing with a real chronic illness. So, I just want you to know that I really hear you, are really sorry for what you’re going through, and I love you, and I’m praying for you. And also, I wanted to pray for Homeward Bound, called in about her 20-year-old neighbor that had a drinking problem. And, of course, we don’t know what her name is but I’m just going to call her Angel, because I think she needs a lot of Angels to pray for her on her behalf. And, you know, she was recently raved and is really struggling with all of that heavy anxiety, which is horrific. Again, she had two horrible things that have happened to her. So, I’m praying her for her, who I’m calling Angel. So, dear God I just come to You in prayer for Angel and I come to You in prayer for Siaka Lord, as they are both beautiful women that I know You created and love. And I know Lord God that You hear their struggle and their pain and their problems, and I pray Lord God that You would be with them…

Hi. This is Victoria S. I’m just calling tonight to pray for some of the DABbers. I wanted to pray for Madden who spoke about the spirit of judgement. Thank you for that Madden. It’s so good to know that sometimes when we have those challenges, but when we recognize them, that means God is doing something in our lives. And I just want to pray that God continue to use you, and continue to show you in His will and His way and His light. I wanted to pray for Jason who’s soon to be more committed and pray that the Lord will continue to bless you to be even more committed. And I want to say to Jalen, you’re a man from New York and a first-time caller, and Jalen, I just thank God for you and pray that you continue on in the Lord and let Him use you and bless you in a mighty and special way. And I wanted to pray for Jim in New Hampshire for his wife of who has cancer. And I’m praying with you and agreeing with you that she goes through it and she gets a victory in Christ Jesus through the healing. We just know that God could do anything but fail, gracious Father. And I also want to pray for my friend Sharon. She’s still trying to reach to get her mother. And she’s getting all kinds of blocks, but God is faithful. And I wanted to encourage you, Sharon, to hold on. Gracious Father we come before you tonight. Oh Lord in the name of Jesus, Lord You heard our prayers Lord, You heard our prayers for this woman who has cancer. Her and her husband are enjoying life and they want to be together. Oh Lord and it’s such a blessing to have someone who wants to be together in our days and time. But I want to thank You Lord for healing her. I want to thank You Lord for delivering her. I want to thank You Lord for setting her free from this cancer Lord. I want to thank You for blessing her husband to be there with her. Oh Lord in each day that he’s there here there, bring them closer and strengthen them Lord. Lord, we thank You for those who are first-time caller’s…

Hello my DAB family. This is Mark S. from Sydney Australia. Today is Monday, 29th of January. And today Brian, Brian, Brian, I love you so much my brother and my preacher. You hit the money...really…for me today on your homily on deception as the root of all quarrels and problems. And wow. It’s so subtle what you said Brian, I subtly change the truth to fit the situation to make me feel like I fit in, to make me feel like I belong. And yet you’re so right Brian, it’s those little subtle changes in what the truth is instead of letting the truth be the truth. And Brian, how much can I thank you for someone helping to save my soul and how much I’ve changed to your teachings Brian? And we’re so blessed in what you’ve gone through and sharing your life experience with God Brian. And I can’t show enough gratitude Brian. I wish I could be there to hug you neck and thank you personally, but big virtual hug from me Brian, that you gave to me another lightbulb moment that I am…certainly meant a lot to me Brian. Love you and your whole family and thank you for following Christ and helping change a lot of us Brian. And also, family and community I love you all too. Talk to you soon. Bye.

Hey DAB family this is Byron out in Florida. I have so much in my heart that I wanted to say I’ll try to fit it in the two minutes. But a while back I asked you guys to pray for me and my family because we were moving Nehemiah into new situations and seeing how that’s gonna work because he’s getting bigger now. And it’s been about a month or so with that and it’s not working. It’s not working. It’s causing some stress. And it’s causing teachers stress and it’s not working. And I was having a conversation with my wife about it last night. And she asked me plainly, like why, why am I so insistent on pushing him forward? He doesn’t seem to be ready. And I have my reasons for it, but when she drove down to really try to find out why, I looked in my heart and I said, why? You know, what I found there surprised me. Because of the struggles with him, and the struggles with my wife’s sickness, and my own personal struggles with that stuff I was __ saying that I talked about last year and the year before. But life was very difficult and I even told my wife this. It wasn’t getting easier. After all this time it wasn’t getting easier. And God gave me such a wise wife that she said it’s not important for it to get easier. And, so, imagine the comfort that God gives me when eight hours later I listen to the DAB and that’s the exact same message that God puts on Byron’s heart, that it’s not going to get easier, but the path that we’re on is getting deception out of our lives. God is good and He is faithful and if we would trust him He would lead us through kicking and screaming if need be, those areas where we need to root out deception. And it’s not easy and it won’t get easier, but there is a promise that one day you will complete the task he started…

Hello Daily Audio Bible. This is Jay calling from New Jersey. Just wanted to give out a praise report. So, a while back I called in with some confessions about, you know, different things that I was dealing with in life, and sins that I could not stop committing. Well, it has officially been 117 days without any alcohol, without any drugs, without any other things that I’d dealt with. So, listen, I want you to think about where you are in life and what you’re willing to do to follow Christ. You know, I didn’t want to confess these things to you guys and I didn’t want to confess to my church and I definitely didn’t want to confess to my wife. And there are conflicts I currently am dealing with, not knowing where my wife is, and her not wanting to be in our child’s life, but even in the face of that __, which I caused through self-gratification and self-satisfaction, just selfishness, wanting to please myself. There is still peace, there is still hope, there is still good. I will not lie to you and tell you that is not painful, because it is. However, there is a peace that passes all understanding that can only come from God Himself. Let us pray. Heavenly Father, we thank You for this peace. We thank You for this 117 days. And Father, I pray now in the name of Jesus Christ that this will resonate with someone who also needs to reach out and seek help either professionally or in a group setting with the things that they’re dealing with. In the name of Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen.

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topicprinter · 5 years ago

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I see a lot of people on this thread asking Should I start this? How does XYZ be able to do it? How do I find the motivation to do it? etc. Well, the first part of the title is inspired by my lifelong search for the secrets to being rich, happy and successful. While the first two qualities will require volumes of research in its own right, it has generally been my experience (with some exceptions) that being successful usually makes one wealthy and happy as well. And this book teaches you one of the biggest skills required of an entrepreneur in the 21st century.Self-Introduction (skip this if you are not interested): I was an average kid at school and resigned myself to being average. I thought talent is something you are born with since, despite my best efforts, I couldn't become good at anything (except DotA). As I grew older, however, a friend of mine, say let us call him Dan (who seemed average throughout school), got the best grades in the final exam that decides what college you go to, got into a great college, decided a 9-5 wasn't for him, started his own business (after observing various businesses that his uncle was into). He is now (probably) more successful than his uncle and is the most successful guy I know from my school. I often wondered the secret to his success and observed him at work. Among many other things, I figured that his super-human levels of concentration were the main reason he was able to do so well in life. I decided to figure it out and researched ways to improve mine.And when I came across this book, it helped me so much in life that I decided to summarize it to help another friend. I could have just given him the book but he claims he has no time to read (yet another reason why this will help him). I am posting it here to help you guys as well and get some feedback on my writing. So if you find value in it, please do tell me and upvote (or downvote if you think it's not what this sub is for - any feedback is useful, as you will learn in this article). If it is received well, I will post the rest of the book summaries I made for myself that teach the skills that I feel are necessary for a successful entrepreneur. Okay, let us dive into the summary now.What is Deep Work?From the book - " Professional activities performed in a state of distraction-free concentration that pushes your cognitive capabilities to their limit. These efforts create new value, improve your skill and are hard to replicate."Put another way, Deep work is simply concentrating on what brings results. Why is concentration so important in the 21st century? Because it is now easier than ever to get distracted by the multiple real-time messaging tools that we see value in, (but refuse to acknowledge or remain blind to the damage they cause)Picture this, let's take the convention office worker - Jim. Jim is now working from home due to the pandemic but wants to start his own business. He needs to learn new skills that will help him start a business. But for him to do that and yet keep food at the table for his kids, he needs to finish his work quicker, have some time left for learning a new skill and babysit his kids. But as he is working on the important office project that could mean a raise and a promotion, he receives a text on the office slack channel from Dwight asking him "What did Client X say to the proposal?". While he is thinking whether to answer it, he gets another message from Pam on Instagram that shows a video of yet another celebrity singing off-key (and thinking the public will appreciate it). You get the drift... Now you say, "So one gets multiple interruptions during work, so what? Does that mean I can't get the job done?"Turns out you can but at a snail's pace. Our constant distractions weaken our ability to concentrate. And to deal with it, instead of focusing on the important goals, we turn to shallow work.Shallow Work: Non-cognitively demanding, logistical style tasks often performed while distracted. These efforts tend not to create much value in the world and are easy to replicate.Shallow work is a fancy way of saying, "I read and reply to e-mails all day". Sure that is required in any job, but I bet no job includes it in the job description. And you will advance in your career only if you do the activities mentioned in the job description.Okay, you've got my interest. How do I improve my concentration and reduce distraction?Not so fast. Just a little bit of theory here, but if it is boring, you can skip down for the how. I'll be disappointed. but I'll survive.When someone tries to do two things at once, we normally assume it takes half the time it would take if it was done one at a time. But it turns out, humans aren't built for multitasking. Cal Newport theorizes that the answer lies in myelin - a layer of fatty tissue that grows around neurons. When someone is practicing a new skill, it fires up a particular portion of your brain's neural circuits.Think of myelin as experience and neurons as learning a skill in a role-playing game. Practicing a skill in isolation will make more myelin (experience) grow around your neurons (skill). Frequent practice and you've leveled up, i.e. the skill is now turning into an unconscious action, like breathing. But if you practice that skill while listening to music and using Instagram, you fire up multiple circuits, (with a finite amount of myelin available for covering all the circuits) and your brain wonders which skill (neuron) you are trying to learn in particular.Coming back to the office example, what does one do when one is distracted? They followThe principle of least resistance: In a business setting without clear feedback on the impact of various behaviors on the bottom line, we will tend towards behaviors that are easiest at the moment.andMistake busyness as a proxy for productivity: Without clear indicators of what it takes to be productive, we turn to do visible (shallow) work. (Eg. replying to and sending e-mails)How to increase deep work in my life?Realize that willpower is also a muscle. You have a finite amount every day. Create a Schedule to do deep work in order to avoid doing deep-work by fighting against your will.Feedback: If your schedule works, great. After a week, plan for including more deep work in your day. If your schedule fails, revise your schedule.It is that simple. However, what is simple is rarely easy. That's why most people can't replicate the success of other entrepreneurs or get value from self-help books. They tell you WHAT to do but not HOW to do it. Cal Newport, fortunately, tells you how. It is important here that you keep an open mind and do the exact steps involved, because only with such a mindset can you actually implement this successfully. Belief alone won't help you succeed, but believing that these steps can and will help you achieve elevated levels of concentration is necessary for it to work. It did for me and I hope it does for you. This four-step framework called 4DX and was developed by Stephen R. Covey (Author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) and Chris McChesney.4DX FrameworkStep 1: Focus on the wildly important: This is goal setting. You have a bunch of stuff to do. Pick 5-6 of them. Narrow it down from there to 1-2 (at worst 3). For example, you may want to start a drop-shipping site. There are a bunch of things to learn such as how to set up an e-commerce site, mailing lists, designing a logo, etc. What is the most important among them? Learning to sell, and figuring out how to get your customers to know your site exists, of course! If you know how to sell, your business gets off the ground. Most people (including me at one point) focus on the wrong things (like what color should my visiting card be). This is a form of procrastination. Sometimes, people fail because they hesitate to ask! If you don't know what to do first, go ask someone in that industry what to do. If they tell you for free, they know their stuff. If they ask you to buy their 300$ course, you know they are bull-shitting you. Because as I said earlier, telling people what to do won't get them to actually do it. The how-to part is equally, if not more important and any successful guy will not hesitate to tell you what to do.Step 2: Decide what to measure: I said earlier that we need feedback, but it is equally important to get the right feedback. For that, you need to know what to measure. There are two kinds: Lag and lead measures. Lag measures are feedback for what is already done in the past. Eg: If you are starting a blog for your e-commerce store, the lag measure would be the number of articles per month/year. This is not useful for changing your behavior immediately and you will suffer from lack of motivation to do it.Lead measures are used for assessing behaviors that will lead to success in lag measures. In our blogging example, it would be time spent in writing/researching articles. If you put more effort here, your number of articles/month would automatically improve.Step 3: Keep a scoreboard: Using the same example, we would track the number of hours spent in Deep Work, i.e. writing and researching. For every hour, you could make a tally mark on a piece of paper that you keep visible. This is crucial for keeping you (and your team) motivated. I kinda feel you might think it is beneath you, but these are the techniques used in fortune 500 companies and some of your favorite elite athletes to keep themselves motivated. If it was good enough for them, it should be good enough for you.Step 4: Accountability: This is where you take a step back every week (or whatever works for you) and see if your plan works. If it does, good. You can draw a plan that increases the number of hours you put in (until you reach your maximum). If you could not achieve your plan (say 5 hours of deep work in researching articles/week), and you could do only 3, It is important that you revise your plan to 3 hours for the next week. Once you schedule those 3 hours and you do clock in those 3 hours, you can increase it to 3 hours 30 minutes (for example) and repeat steps 1-4.That's part-I. Part-II contains the various tips and tricks suggested by the author on how to make deep work, work for you. I'll post it based on the responses to this one.

#/r/entrepreneur #reddit

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cedarrrun · 6 years ago

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NOTE: I’ve just written a new ebook called “Fearless Purpose: Training with the Uncertainty & Anxiety of Your Meaningful Work,” that will be released early next week! I’m really excited about it and think you’ll find it very valuable. I’m including a series of instructional videos and meditations with it as well.

“Kid, you’ll move mountains.” ~Dr. Seuss, Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

By Leo Babauta

As I work with people to change their habits and help them dive fearless into their meaningful work … there is one common obstacle that gets in the way, over and over.

The obstacle is the brain’s rationalizations. It turns out, the human brain is extremely good at coming up with powerful rationalizations that sound true, that help protect the brain from doing anything scary, uncomfortable, or filled with uncertainty.

When we sabotage our habit changes, it’s because of rationalizations.

When we find reasons to procrastinate and not do our meaningful work, it’s because of rationalizations.

Some common examples of rationalizations that get in our way:

I’m too busy, I don’t have time right now (actually, you have time, you’re using busyness to put this important thing off)

I am too tired to do it now (but you had energy to do everything else, it’s just a matter of prioritization; also you don’t have to do too much, just do a little if you’re tired)

I really need to clean things right now (no, you don’t)

It’s OK to just check email (or messages) for a minute (but if you accept that rationalization, you’ll keep accepting it, and then you sabotaged yourself)

It’s not worth the effort, it won’t make enough of a difference (you don’t know that, you’re just minimizing it to get out of doing it)

I’m not a morning person (you don’t have to be, try opening up to the experience)

It’s too hard, I don’t want to do it anymore (you can do a little more, and it’s not too hard, you can do it)

It’s overwhelming, there’s so much to do (just focus on the next small step)

I got interrupted (by visitors, travel, sickness, crisis) and now it’s hard to start again (just start, take the smallest next step)

I’m feeling discouraged (find a way to encourage yourself)

I really don’t feel like it now (don’t wait until you feel like it, just do it)

I’ve failed so many times in the past, I won’t do stick to it now (you can change, give it a shot)

I don’t know how to do this (but you can figure it out)

It won’t hurt to put it off just this one time (except you know that this usually leads to bad results, so it does hurt)

I have to do this other stuff right now (but is that absolutely true, or are you just rationalizing?)

I’m going to do a terrible job and everyone will think I’m stupid (you don’t know this, and in fact speculating on it isn’t helpful, it’s better to focus on what you need to do right now; also, failure is a good thing, because it’s how you learn)

I can do it later (yeah of course you can, but you can also do it now)

I don’t really need to do this, I’ve already done a lot, and this isn’t that necessary (yep, all true, but actually this is something you decided you really do want to do, so do it!)

I’m not strong enough (bullshit)

I call bullshit on all of the above. Rationalizations are lies our minds make up to get out of discomfort and uncertainty. It’s completely understandable that we’d make up these rationalizations, but we don’t need to believe them.

But we can put ourselves in discomfort and uncertainty and be completely OK. The world won’t end, and we won’t crumble. In fact, it will only make us stronger, better, more resilient.

Here’s how to deal with these bullshit rationalizations.

How to Deal with Rationalizations

Overcoming rationalizations is about bringing awareness to them, and then not believing them.

So my main suggestions are to:

Write down your rationalizations (make a document with a list of the ones you tell yourself)

And then don’t believe or follow any of them (throw them out!)

That said, here are some other things you can do to help yourself deal with rationalizations:

Become more and more aware of the rationalizations as you tell them to yourself. You’ll start to become very aware of the most common ones. As I said, write them down.

Come up with counterarguments based on actual experience. There is some truth to just about every rationalization — you are tired, you might fail, you are busy, it won’t hurt if you skip it just this one time. But despite this nugget of truth in rationalizations, they are really true. Being tired doesn’t mean you should skip it — it means you need to structure your life to get more rest, or prioritize the important things for when you’re not tired. You might fail, but that’s not a reason to give up. And so on. Come up with a better counterargument for your common rationalizations, and write them down. Remind yourself of them when the rationalization kicks in.

Stop believing in the rationalization — call B.S. Yep, start calling them out as lies. Say, “Nice try, brain, I know you’re scared but I got this.” Give your brain a hug, then dive in.

Focus on the smallest step. If you are tired or overwhelmed or scared or busy or feeling like this is too hard … remove that objection by dividing the project or task into something smaller. Write one paragraph instead of writing for an hour. Fill out the first few lines of your tax form instead of having to do all your taxes. Meditate for just five breaths instead of 20 minutes. Put your entire focus into that one small thing instead of worrying about everything else.

Don’t let yourself negotiate. Figure out what you want to commit to doing ahead of time. When it comes time to do it, your brain will start using that classic addict’s tactic of bargaining. Don’t let it negotiate. You decided already, no questioning that decision. Just do it. Let yourself revisit that decision later, after you’ve done it and when you’re in a place to decide, not when you’re facing discomfort and wanting to get out of it.

Practice moving into it it with ease. Believe it or not, you can move into the thing you’re resisting with ease. It’s a matter of practice: you do the next movement, and then the next. For example, if I have to meditate and my brain is coming up with reasons I don’t need to … I just move over to where my meditation cushion is. Then I pick it up. Then I head over to where I like to meditate. Then I put down the cushion. Then I sit on it. Then I start my timer. Each step is so easy, I don’t even need to think about it. I just move.

Practice moving towards what you resist. We try to shy away from the things we most resist, but we can make it a habit to move towards our resistance at least a few times a day, if not more.

Remind yourself why this is important. For me, it’s a matter of reminding myself of my purpose and my mission — I’m doing this out of love for the people I serve. If I meditate on their hearts, it moves me in the right direction. If I am moved by fear or discomfort, I usually move in the wrong direction. So I need to remember.

I believe you can overcome any rationalization if you call B.S. on it, and practice these ideas. Actually, I’ve written a whole book on this in the last week (practicing with my own rationalizations), called Fearless Purpose. I’ll release it early next week!

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.” ~Dr. Seuss

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

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chrissyrholmes · 7 years ago

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Tips for Increasing Your Creative Output

As a creative, no matter how expert you are at your craft, there will be times when you’re not producing as much as you could – and you know it. Our lives are filled with millions of distractions these days and it’s easy to get into the habit of following inefficient processes that make it hard to be productive.

And, ironically enough, our best tool is the same thing that creates the biggest obstacle to our creative flow: the computer.

As designers, we have to spend hours in front of screens, but studies show it’s not great for our health and overall wellbeing. After a number of sleepless nights, a bout of carpal tunnel, and frequent migraines, I decided to see if there was a way to fulfill my desire to create – but with more time spent away from the screen.

So here’s what I found. These research-backed steps will help you create the structure you need to produce far more creative work in less time – and feel amazing doing it.

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Make the Choice

The first step in fixing any problem is awareness that it’s actually a problem. And the second step? Making the choice to correct it. Deciding to spend less time in front of a screen and actually get more done might mean seriously revamping the entire structure of your day – not an easy challenge to face.

You might be addicted to the feeling of busyness that you get from sitting in front of a screen all day. If you’re really committed to more creative output, it’s time to make a change.

Have a Process

As creatives, we tend to work based on our our shifting flows of energy and inspiration. But while this might be a nice, romanticized notion of the creative process, professionals know it’s not the best way to get sh*t done.

Let’s be clear: the difference between a professional and an amateur is process.

Everyone essentially has two brains fighting for control: One that thrives on process, and the other that thrives on distraction. Tim Urban calls them the “rational decision maker” and the “instant gratification monkey” in his TED Talk, “Inside the Mind of Master Procrastinator.”

The instant gratification monkey in your brain will convince you that getting distracted for eight hours on Dribble counts as productivity. Don’t be fooled. Use process to corral that monkey energy into your creative genius.

Mise en Place

I learned the practice of mise en place while working as a chef, and implementing it into my creative process has dramatically increased my output. Before any chef starts to cook, they gather all of the ingredients and tools they will need to prepare the meal around them. By bringing them close, the tools work almost like an extension of their own arm as they cook.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been immersed in a design, only to have my laptop run out of power – or have a great brainstorm session come to a halt because I ran out of Post-Its.

So prepare like a chef. Take five minutes to set up your workspace before you sit down for your next design session. Think about things like charging your laptop, opening all of the programs you need, sharpening pencils, and placing paper, Post-Its, and other supplies nearby.

Pencils Before Pixels

When it comes to efficiency in design, I believe the pencil is mightier than the pixel. While many designers swear by software to flesh out their ideas, I ideate and prototype using pencil and paper for as long as possible. That’s because no matter how many Photoshop shortcuts you know, you’ll never be able to ideate faster than you can with a simple pencil and paper.

The simpler the tool, the quicker you work – and the more rapidly you can get your ideas down. What’s more, starting work on pencil and paper means you can start showing your ideas to customers as quickly as possible.

Because feedback is such an essential part of design, the sooner (and more frequently) you get it, the better your work will become. Validating your ideas before transitioning to the screen is the best way to ensure your product fits your market – and you keep screen time to a minimum.

Turn Off Distractions

A study done at UC Irvine showed that the average worker is distracted every 11 minutes, and that it takes 25 minutes to return full focus to the original task after an interruption.

From social media notifications flooding our every device, to emails pouring in and the latest and most interesting information just a click away on your favorite (distracting) websites, we are constantly encountering distractions throughout our “productive” workdays. If you are truly committed to living up to your most productive potential, it’s time to turn off the distractions – or at least start asking some very important questions about them.

Start with this process of questioning the various online tools you use on a daily basis: What is it? Why is it useful? How much time do I need to spend on it?

Once you’ve determined exactly what these sites are giving to you – and what they’re taking away – it’s time to make decisions about which ones you can truly shut off during your work day.

If you need a little bit of help cutting out the noise, try RescueTime to see where you’re spending your time, Social Fixer to filter your Facebook newsfeed, or the Kill Newsfeed extension to get rid of it all together.

Timebox

The Pomodoro technique is a research-backed time-boxing tool that has helped thousands of people ensure they’re using their time in the most productive way.

Studies have shown that our attention span dwindles around the 40 minute mark – yet so many people push and struggle through this natural ebb in focus.

The Pomodoro technique encourages you take a short (emphasis on the short) break every 25 or 50 minutes. The idea is that the break lets you naturally re-energize your brain and body to keep producing great work over a sustained period.

Embrace “Smartcuts”

While taking shortcuts in design can get you into trouble, smartcuts include any tool, method, or resource that helps you design more quickly. Every designer has their own preferred set of smartcuts, which might include app-specific keyboard shortcuts, design patterns and color palettes, icon collections, sketch plugins, and more.

The idea behind a smartcut is that you don’t need to reinvent the wheel when you sit down to design. From utilising existing design patterns to icon libraries, embracing the design sprint methodology to learning keyboard shortcuts, there are so many processes that have been specifically designed to save you time and make your job as a designer easier!

So every time you find yourself doing a repeatable process, stop and see how you can either systemize it yourself to save time, or find an app that already systemizes that for you.

Putting it all into Action

Many creatives resist the idea of systems and structure, claiming that these “left-brained” tools will impinge on their intuitive flow and freedom. But the truth is, we need these structures to allow the freedom and flow to happen within them. All of these tools set the stage for our most creative energies to pour forth in their fullest expression.

Keep in mind that you can always take what works and leave what doesn’t – one method isn’t meant to work for everyone, and creatives in particular need to find their best fit. But whichever strategies you decide to try, they’ll help you reclaim your creative energy and harness it into producing your best work.

from Web Designing https://1stwebdesigner.com/research-backed-tips-creative-output/

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growinsideout-fengshui · 7 years ago

Text

Declutter your Home

Declutter Your Life

This was taken directly from http://www.getmyhometogether.com/declutter-your-life/ :

De-cluttering your physical space can have an amazingly uplifting effect on your mood. Feng Shui experts claim that buildings and furniture store the memories of events in the form of energy, and that by de-cluttering you can clear the energy of historic traumatic events. Whether or not you put any store in that kind of theory, nobody who has ever de-cluttered a space could deny the positive benefits of increasing the physical space in their environment.

However, physical de-cluttering can also have a cathartic effect on people emotionally. When we let go of things weve been hoarding for a long time, we often let go of emotional memories weve been hanging onto along with them (albeit unconsciously), and so by clearing physical clutter you can clear space in your head and in your heart as well as your home.

Clutter though is not only physical. We can also have mental and emotional clutter blocking the flow of energy in our lives, and clearing this out is guaranteed to help improve our emotional wellbeing. Examples include undone/unfinished tasks; people/activities that drain you of energy; remaining angry at people; busyness – filling up your schedule with activities you feel duty-bound to do, and leaving no time to nourish your soul and refresh your body.

Some tips for clearing your physical clutter:

* Look at your home and identify the areas that need decluttering. Break it down into small tasks that can be tackled over a period of time, rather than one big project to be done in a day. Start small with everyday areas like the kitchen table and build momentum towards the areas you avoid because the idea of tackling them is just overwhelming.

* Go through your stuff and for each item ask yourself Do I love it? Do I need it? Do I use it? If you can answer yes to any of them, it stays. If its no to all, then it goes.

* Divide everything into four piles: Keep, Recycle, Donate and Dump. As soon as youre done, remove the items that arent staying straight away and deliver them to their new destination.

* Once your big clear out is done, avoid a new build up by clearing out little and often.

Tips for clearing your Mental/Emotional Clutter:

* Make a list of anything youve been procrastinating over, and ask yourself why you have been putting it off. What can you tackle and what can you let go of? When youre clear on what you definitely has to be done, make a plan and get to it.

* Stop worrying. There is nothing constructive about worrying it wont help you avoid the outcome youre worrying about and itll destroy your ability to enjoy the present. When a worrying thought arises, quash it straight away and sing along with me Everythings gonna be alright, everythings gonna be alright Focus your energy on what youd like to happen instead.

* Follow through on promises and commitments. When youve said youll do something but you keep putting it on the long finger, it drains you of energy. If you cant or dont want to see them through, then be upfront about it and withdraw your promise.

* Let go of anger and forgive. When somebody hurts you badly, its a normal response to feel anger, and to not want to forgive. But anger is bad for your health, both physical and emotional, so its actually in your interests to let it go and forgive the other person. Forgiving them doesnt mean you have to welcome them back into your life with open arms, it just means letting go of the memory of what theyve done to you and the feelings that go with it. Maybe the other person doesnt deserve forgiveness, but dont you deserve to move on and leave the pain behind?

* Say no to people and activities that drag you down. Instead, surround yourself with people who uplift you and do things that make you feel great!

As with your physical clear out, dont make this a once-off project or an irregular purge. Develop clutter free habits in every aspect of your life, and you will enjoy an easier flow through life on a continuous basis.

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