#project clockwork community

[aclockworkreader]

a bit of a personal ramble because fuck it, i’m posting whatever i want on here:

the past couple years have been some of the most difficult of my life. my mom being unexpectedly hospitalized twice, the worst creative burnout of my career, the grief of reading the news about palestine every day, deep rooted anxieties about not being good enough resurfacing at an all time high, and realizing i was unhappy around people i thought i’d love forever. without getting too dark, i’d never felt more hopeless.

but even through all of that, even with the state of the world right now and the impending doom of waking up each day, i think this might be the most fearless i’ve felt in a very long time.

i just want to be alive and create and build community and share a space where we all still feel hope for our world. and that’s what i’m going to do, through the fear, through all the shit of life, i’ll be here.

[thisdudedoesntexist]

Danny has been out of the hero game for a while now.

You see, when clockwork reset the timeline to one where the disastroid didn't happen Danny made it his mission to quit the job for good. This involved forming an actual defense from Ghost invasions (though he's sure his parents loved testing out what the magic community likes to call "An awful combination of sentience and technology.") and also giving rights to ghosts. Hell, even Vlad's started to come around. The old fruit loop actually changed his ways and is setting him up to the heir to DALV.co while trying to fix the shit they did to the environment when doing trial runs of Val's suit.

(Mostly because sam threatened to break Vlad's knees, both of the halfas think she could do it.)

He finally do what wants with his life and satisfy his obsessions with space and protection. Danny's got all sorts of projects he's tinkering on like air purifiers and growing food in space. He's been just, doing his thing for so long that his powers had gone into a kind of reserve mode. Danny's strength and speed are back to just above average, his ice only good for ice cubes and being a human AC, can't even feel ghostly presence if it's not right on top of him.

But Danny is actually happy.

Or he would be if not for Lex Luthor. He hates that vindictive, capitalist egg. The male pattern baldness horror story managed to weasel his way into a partnership with Vlad when he was still trying to put the (now reformed) GIW on his leash.

The first time Danny met the man his hair nearly turned all white, literally. He's lucky Lex was more interested in Vlad, his investment partner than him otherwise he'd have seen. He wouldn't have been that mad if not for Lex's pocket full of (condensed mass of kryptoian suffering.) kryptonite, and his kryptonian clone? who kept eyeing that pocket. Kon was the kids name BTW, also he DEFINITELY saw Danny's hair change.

Now he has to deal with the pair every other week, one reason being Lex is not so subtly trying to get his hands on some ectoplasmic generator schematics. The other is that Kon is helping him catch Luthor before he does.

[nightingale-prompts]

Ghost Courting is Dangerous-DC x DP prompt

This post comes from the Accidental Ghost Courting AU > HERE

Warning: Graphic Descriptions

One thing the other ghosts didn't tell Danny was the phases. The infatuation is strong but it happens so early in the courting that the other phases rarely have time to kick in before the bond is made.

So what comes after intense infatuation?

Obsession.

Not the cute or romantic kind.

The kind only ghosts had and were dangerous to humans.

Danny felt the first stirrings after spending the night at Tim's apartment. They ended up falling asleep on the couch mostly because Danny leaned on Tim's shoulder. Now he was resting on Tim's chest. But waking up the immediate thought that entered Danny's mind was to bite. Not in a cute nibble way. Danny wanted to take a bite out of Tim. To taste his blood and feel it run down his chin.

Danny wondered how perfect Tim would look when the light left his eyes.

Immediately Danny beat those thoughts with a bat back into the darkness. He would never want to see Tim hurt or dead.

What Danny didn't know was that courting was way more complicated than he thought. It doesn't follow human logic.

This mantis like behavior twisted Danny's thoughts.

Just looking at Tim caused them to return.

"I wish I could carve open his chest and crawl inside. Feel his warmth around me. I want to hold his heart in my hands." Danny thought.

Clockwork decided to give him the talk.

It wasn't that Danny wanted to kill Tim. Not at all.

It's just that ghosts are nebulous with blurred lines of their physical forms. Their energies mingle without physical touch. That's how they communicate on a deeper level. That was how Nocturne constantly told Clockwork that he loved him without saying a word. The more ancient the ghost the stronger the project was.

Danny's thoughts were just a projection of his desire to get closer to Tim.

Clockwork was still critical of Danny's choice to court a moral.

"The next stages only get worse. You must find a way to satisfy these urges and quickly. Your partner seems to be getting cold feet. He moves too slow."

Tim however was still unaware that he was being courted and was just as little sad that his good friend Danny had been acting weirder than usual around him.

[skzstarl0ver]

I know you did a long distance Felix but can you maybe do an in person one. It would make me really happy. and if you would allow me I'd love to reblog it if you do. But over all I absolutely love your work ♡

if you do accept my request please make sure to tag me if you can.

Love, Ember_Fires ♡

ℙ𝕝𝕒𝕪𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥 ℂ𝕠𝕟𝕗𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤

Hii @emberfiresbitchy I wasn't 100% sure what kind of fic you prefer so I just mixed a little bit of smut and fluff, I hope you like it xx

Lee Felix x reader / classmates to lovers / slow burn / smut / fluff / one shot

**involves!!** sex, strong tension, cursing, teasing, dirty talk

enjoy xx (request open)

★.•☆•.★★.•☆•.★¸.•☆•.¸★ skzstarl0ver ★⡀.•☆•.★⡀.•☆•.★¸.•☆•.¸★

There’s a rule in our class that everyone hates, except for maybe two people.

Every Friday, Ms. Jang makes us add one song to the shared class playlist. She says it “fosters emotional intelligence and communal bonding through sound.” I say it’s just a way to expose everyone’s deeply embarrassing music taste.

But fine. Whatever.

At first, it was funny. Someone added “Barbie Girl” ironically, another added a 12-minute Norwegian death metal track that played at full volume while we were doing worksheets. But then..

The first time I notice it, I’m curled up in my dorm bed at midnight, trying not to cry over a theory exam I definitely failed. The shared playlist starts auto-playing, and instead of some chaotic EDM garbage or meme audio clip, it’s… soft.

Lo-fi. Gentle. Intimate.

The lyrics?

“I keep noticing you.” “How you laugh. How you lean back in your chair like you own the world.” “I shouldn’t, but I do.”

The title is even worse: “if you knew what i felt, would you smile?”

My heart clenches.

I glance at the username. felixlee

We barely talk. He sits a few seats behind me in class, always in hoodies, always with that quiet, raspy voice that makes you want to lean in closer. He laughs easily. Smiles like he means it.

We’ve had small talk about—coffee machines, shitty printers, dumb assignments—but never anything real.

So why does this song feel like a secret he accidentally let slip?

The next week, he adds another one. And then another. Every Friday night like clockwork, after everyone else has already dropped their songs, he adds his: quiet confessions buried in dreamy lyrics.

“You smile at me like I matter. I don’t think you know what you do to me.”

I don’t say anything. I pretend I don’t notice.

But I do.

I start listening alone in my room, legs tangled in blankets, headphones in, heart in my throat.

I start looking at him differently, too.

The way he drums on his desk absentmindedly. The way his hair flops into his eyes. The way he’s started waiting at the classroom door for me.

I tell myself it’s a coincidence.

But when I laugh too hard one day and glance behind me, he’s staring.

And smiling.

We get paired for a midterm project.

Three weeks of working together. Study sessions. Shared notes. Coffee runs. Him leaning over my shoulder to look at my screen. Me catching his scent—clean and warm and a little vanilla—and pretending it doesn’t do things to me.

He teases me constantly.

“You always chew your pen when you’re stuck. It’s cute.”

“Is that a playlist of sad girl indie music? On brand.”

“You gonna steal another one of my pens?”

I roll my eyes. I call him annoying. I think about kissing him every goddamn day.

It finally breaks one night, deep into our last project session.

We're sitting side by side on the floor of an empty practice room, laptop between us, snacks spread out, low music playing from his speaker.

“I like your taste in music,” I say casually.

He glances at me. “Yeah?”

I nod. “I’ve been listening to your playlist songs.”

A pause.

His voice drops, quiet. “What do you think they’re about?”

“I don’t know,” I lie. “Someone you like?”

He looks at me. His eyes are soft and unreadable. “Yeah. Someone I’ve liked for a while.”

My breath catches.

He leans closer.

The air between us snaps.

And then he kisses me.

It’s soft. Gentle. Warm.

His lips move against mine slowly, like he’s giving me time to pull away.

I don’t.

I kiss him back—harder, messier. My hands in his hoodie. His fingers sliding into my hair.

We’re breathing into each other’s mouths, flushed and panting, when he pulls back just enough to whisper, “Do you wanna—?”

“Yes.”

We stumble into his dorm thirty minutes later, soaked in rain and adrenaline.

He shuts the door behind us, then pins me to it—gently, hands braced beside my head. He kisses me again, slower this time. His tongue slides against mine and I groan softly.

“You’re so fucking pretty,” he breathes.

My shirt is gone before I realize it. His hoodie follows. I run my hands down his chest, and he shivers under my touch.

He lifts me. I wrap my legs around his waist. He carries me to the bed and lays me down like I’m something delicate. Then he kneels between my thighs and just looks at me.

“Been thinking about this for weeks,” he murmurs, fingers sliding under my waistband.

I whimper. “Then stop teasing.”

He grins—and pulls everything off me.

His mouth on me is heaven.

He licks slowly, deliberately, eyes locked on mine while he holds my hips in place. I moan shamelessly when he flicks his tongue just right. His name slips from my lips like prayer.

When I come, it’s with his fingers inside me and his tongue still working my clit.

He climbs up my body after, kissing his way up my stomach, chest, throat, lips. “You okay?” he asks softly, voice hoarse.

“Condom,” I whisper.

He grabs one from the drawer. Rolls it on. Lines himself up—

And sinks into me with a groan that sounds like he’s been holding it in forever.

“Fucking hell,” he breathes, forehead pressed to mine. “You feel so good.”

He moves slowly at first. Deep, languid strokes that leave me gasping. He holds my hands above my head, kisses my mouth every time I moan. It’s not rushed. It’s not just sex.

It’s him saying everything the playlist couldn’t.

When I come again, I cry out his name. He kisses me through it, whispering how beautiful I look, how much he likes me, how he can’t believe he finally has me like this.

He follows right after—hips stuttering, breath catching, forehead pressed to mine like he never wants to let go.

We lie tangled in his sheets after, sweaty and breathless.

His arm is wrapped around my waist. I’m tucked into his chest. He kisses my forehead and murmurs, “You know they were all about you, right?”

I smile against his skin.

“I do now.”

The next morning, he adds a new song to the playlist.

“your name tastes better than coffee.”

And that’s when the class group chat blows up.

I feel like this one was kinda short but I still hope you liked it xx

[foulpaperplane]

Vladco Heiress

dpxdc au with Serious Chaos, background Danny/Sam

Vlad gets an officially trial because of a domino effect caused by him releasing Pariah Dark. The release of the old king was such a scare to the Realms population, with him being extremely powerful and having committed grave atrocities towards the end of his reign, it led to the ancients, observant and the majority of the inhabitants of the Realms deciding that they need to create a functional government to prevent something like this happening again and to keep the Realms safe. However, forming a working government and catching Vlad to get him trialed takes time so Kindered Spirits still happens. Vlad's trial has thousands of angry ghosts watching from the sidelines while the judge announces a long of crimes the council of Ancients found him guilty of and then presents the supporting rock hard evidence. His sentence is being souped for the next 600 years - which a lot of ghosts still think too lenient.

When Danny defeated Pariah Dark he became the rightful ghost king but Clockwork told him that the council of ancients can act as the main governing body in the IR for now and suggested that Danny could take over Vladco (Vlad left to Danny in him will) to gain experience for when he becomes king.

After a few years, Elysium "Ellie" Phantom decides to return to Amity, partially because she already traveled the entire globe and partially because she feels safe being in Amity now that Vlad is gone and she's had time to work through her trauma. Her travels have made her a great negotiator so Danny decides to name her heiress. Officially Danny is CEO but Ellie handles most of the CEO's responsibilities (being the face of the company, has meeting with shareholders, discuss projects with other CEOs/representative of other companies) while Danny acts more like a COO (oversees different operations, facilitates communication between departments, coordinates product manufacturing and quality control).

Damian starts investigating Dalvco and Ellie specifically after she approaches him at a gala hosted by the Wayne family in Gotham. Dalvoco was probably on the bats radar as a sketchy company and they suspected something shady was going on - either because of Vlad's business strategy in general or due to ties to Lex Luthor - but other things kept taking priority considering the craziness of ghotam, how often villains try to destroy/take over the world and the lack of hard evidence of Vlad's wrong doing - they just felt something was off. Plus, Danny is a recluse, staying in Amity and avoiding the media, so when they saw Ellie the batfam is kinda hit in the face that yeah this company does still exist and hey look it looks even more shady now (Vlad just disappeared out of nowhere and a kid who he allegedly had an VERY antagonistic relationship with inherited his company).

[five-rivers]

Cilia

A little ficlet I did for @jackdaw-sprite :3

Clockwork was observing Daniel out of the corner of his eye.  The boy had wedged himself into the corner of his couch - an artifact he had only acquired for Daniel’s sake in the first place - and looked like he was half asleep, although he was still in ghost form.  

There were a number of paths leading out from this point in time.  Some of them were so unlikely and would require Clockwork to act in such a reprehensible way that they were virtually impossible, and Clockwork barely glanced at them.  Others were unpleasant or unfortunate for a variety of reasons.  The rest had their positives and negatives.  

Clockwork would have to decide which pathway to take.  And whether or not it would be worth it, to take the one that would give him what he wanted.  

Already, he had been contemplating the dilemma for subjective days.  As Master of Time, he could contemplate it for subjective years, if he so wished, but that would likely be unhealthy.  

He wanted.  

He flew over to the couch and settled on the side across from Daniel, just close enough for their auras to touch.  

Daniel’s aura reached towards his, the tiny strands that made it up waving and stretching sideways.  The strands that could touch tapped and brushed and wrapped around Clockwork’s.  Clockwork could feel as their rounded, slightly bulbous ends curiously, and somewhat clumsily, nosing through the thicker field of Clockwork’s aura.  Where the auras overlapped, the air seemed to ripple with rainbow shades.  

Daniel stirred, reorienting himself slightly on the couch so that he was closer to Clockwork, a little bit more of his aura intersecting Clockwork’s.  

“‘M I in your way?” asked Daniel, blinking sleepily at Clockwork.  “Keeping you off your couch.”

“No,” said Clockwork, who had never used the couch before now.  

“What’s–”  He raised his hand, confused, and waved it through their combined auras, briefly making them flare even brighter as another part of Daniel’s aura passed through the area.  “What’s happening?”

“Aura intersection.”

“I’ve been close to other ghosts before,” said Daniel, waving his hand through their auras again.  “It didn’t, um, it didn’t do this.”

“Ghosts you trust?” asked Clockwork.  

“Um,” said Danny, frowning.  “Why does- Why does it do this?”  He was very obviously not fully awake, but he was as curious as his aura.  

“You know that your aura is made of small filaments.”

Daniel nodded.  “Like cilia.  On a cell.”  

“Yes, like cilia.  Your aura is interacting with mine.  If you look very closely, you will be able to see the strands.”

Daniel blinked slowly, then leaned closer.  “I don’t see anything.”

“Look at it like you would look at something invisible,” said Clockwork, adjusting his position slightly.  

“Hmm,” said Daniel, leaning even closer.  He lost balance and his shoulder bumped into Clockwork’s arm.  “Mm, sorry.”

“No need,” said Clockwork, patting Daniel’s back.  

It was the first time Clockwork had touched him so casually, and Daniel stiffened, but he was too tired, and too interested in the interactions of their auras, to keep that up for long.  Clockwork, meanwhile, let the strands of his aura brush through Daniel’s, projecting calm, moving soothingly.  

Daniel was not yet familiar with that kind of empathic, aura-to-aura communication, and he responded accordingly, mirroring the feelings and drooping further, curling slightly into Clockwork.  Clockwork nudged him gently, with hand and aura, until he was more or less lying on Clockwork.  

“It’s pretty,” said Daniel.  

“It can be, yes,” said Clockwork, extending his aura, wrapping Daniel in its embrace.  “You seem very tired today.”

“Lots of fights,” said Danny.  “Boxy, Desiree, Skulker–”  He yawned.  “Nocturne, even.”

“Oh?”

“He’s- He’s not so bad when he’s not feeding off like a million dreams or- or whatever he was doing that one time…”

“Indeed,” said Clockwork, stroking his shoulders and upper arms.  Daniel’s head was nodding up and down, his blinks getting longer and longer, and his aura was also starting to slow and grow quiescent, although it still expressed a sleepy curiosity.  

Clockwork let his own aura be more adventurous, questing through Daniel’s until it touched his skin.  Daniel shivered at the first touch, but otherwise seemed undisturbed, relaxing further as their auras became more intertwined.  

Cautiously, Clockwork began to feed him energy through their auras.  There was a small chance for rejection at this stage– But there was none, Daniel accepting the sustenance easily, his head lolling back against Clockwork’s chest.  

His eyes were closed.  His breathing slowed.  At his waist, his aura sparked, then rolled, forming a ring.  The ring split, moving in two directions.  Where the rings passed, Daniel’s aura pulled back into his skin and his clothing shifted, becoming his human outfit.  All very normal.  

Except that the parts of Clockwork’s aura that were tangled in Daniel’s were pulled in as well.  Not all the way, no, but enough.  It was uncomfortable at first, but Clockwork quickly got used to it.  

Daniel did not wake.

He did, however, turn to snuggle into Clockwork.  Clockwork, feeling indulgent, wrapped him in his cloak.  

Even when Daniel transformed again, Clockwork’s aura would still be tangled with his.  In fact, their auras would be even more tangled, to the point of being inseparable by normal means.  

Now, a ghost’s aura could extend for some distance, and the stronger the ghost, the further their aura could reach.  But even Clockwork’s aura could not extend more than a few dozen meters.  

In other words, Daniel would be bound to him until he could come up with a way to untangle himself.  Bound, for Clockwork to keep, at least for a while.  

Daniel would be angry at first.  Even if Clockwork didn’t have the ability to see the future, he could see that.  But his anger would fade quickly, and he would feel better if he had useful and interesting things to do - Clockwork was already planning what he would teach him.  As for sustenance during that time…  Clockwork sent another pulse of energy through his aura, and smiled as Daniel mumbled happily in his sleep and snuggled closer.  

He would savor this moment.  

[oddrobyn]

Against my wishes, It’s still being dragged on.

(Screenshots at the end)

.

.

This is going to be a little more informal, because honestly, I don’t want to drag this out longer than I have to. I made it clear - twice - back in February that I just wanted this situation to end. Despite my efforts to stay quiet and hope it would fizzle out, the person who’s been spreading false information about me hasn’t stopped. Instead, they’ve continued nonstop using alt and burner accounts, all while accusing me of being the one who won’t let it go.

He’s been reblogging posts from his alt Tumblr accounts (some of which have thankfully stopped), clearly trying to bury or discredit the evidence that shows his harmful behavior. He’s done this almost every single day - like clockwork.

He’s also used burner accounts to DM people in the official Pathea server, spreading hurtful and completely untrue claims about me. When one account was reported and removed, another popped up almost immediately and carried on the same behavior. Now, he's taken this to Reddit, where (according to multiple people who've reached out to me) he’s messaged nearly everyone who has commented on or interacted with my posts - mere hours after I created an account to share my artwork.

It’s uncomfortable for the people who received these unsolicited messages and felt they had to tell me. It’s uncomfortable for me to have to address this again. And I imagine it’s uncomfortable for moderators who have to deal with reviewing these situations - especially when this is coming from an adult who absolutely should know better.

Despite everything, I’ve made countless efforts to stay silent, hoping the situation would eventually pass. I’ve been fully aware of what’s been happening this entire time, but I chose to stay quiet in an attempt to de-escalate and move on.

I know about your alt accounts - on Reddit, on Discord, and the anonymous messages you and/or your friends sent to the owner of the My Time Tumblr zine, clearly trying to get me removed from the project.

I have screenshots from multiple people you messaged about me. Even though you were using alt accounts, they recognized you immediately - they didn’t even need to ask me. They quickly found the links between you and your burner accounts. They’ve reported you - and they’ll keep reporting you. I’ve been forced to report you as well, because I can’t keep ignoring it when nearly every other week, someone sends me more evidence of you hiding behind a burner and obsessively trying to paint me as a terrible person.

When the Sandrock voice actors called you out, it didn’t stop you.

When you lost your moderator role on the Pathea subreddits after your behavior was exposed, it didn’t stop you.

When a document full of screenshots was posted - showing your history of harmful actions, including you doxxing people and weaponizing the attempted suicide of an artist (which you falsely blamed on me and my friends, only for that artist to publicly call your claims false) - even that didn’t stop you.

When your Tumblr burners posted falsified evidence against me, then deleted the replies calling it out and blocked anyone who showed proof - you kept going.

Even when Pathea themselves had to issue a vague statement about “ongoing tension” affecting the community - it still didn’t stop you.

At this point, I genuinely don’t know what will. You've taken this across multiple platforms, and you continue targeting me from alt accounts. I can’t express how exhausting, frustrating, and deeply hurtful it is to be subjected to this over and over again. I’ve tried so hard to let this go, even knowing you’d never apologize or admit to anything. But you refuse to stop. I don’t even know what could possibly fuel the amount of hatred it takes to go this far.

Leaking my private mental health diagnosis in a public server with hundreds of people wasn’t enough? You think deleting the conversations hides it? It doesn’t. People saved those messages. They saw what happened. They know what you said. You can try to erase it, but it’s already out there - no matter how many times you claim it’s “edited.”

To the friends who’ve defended or excused this behavior: If you genuinely care about him, please be honest with him. Let him know when it’s gone too far. Enabling this and silencing the people who’ve been harmed has only pushed him to go further. If you truly want to support him, help him get the help he needs before more people get hurt.

The only reason I haven’t named you - despite your own friend publicly outing you in an attempt to twist and dismiss my vague request to be left alone - is because I still wanted to give you a chance to stop. But at this point, I probably don’t even need to say your name. Everyone already knows what you’re doing.

So, I’m asking you one last time:

Please stop and own up to your lies.

This isn’t a call out with the intention of sending any sort of hate towards him. This is my last option in addressing him directly (since I know he’s been keeping an eye on me, or at least his friends have been and report to him) as well as letting it be known what is going on in case anyone else has received untrue messages about me. Please do not harass him or send any hate messages towards him over this. What he did/ is doing was horrible, so please do not do the same. If you receive any messages about me that resemble the ones I’ve shared below, please report them to Pathea. It helps them take action and remove these fake accounts.

[cinnamostar]

01: self-fulfilling prophecy 

part two.

pairing : jisung x gn!reader

summary : han jisung, the man who is incapable of maintaining a relationship for more than a few months. han jisung, the man who is in complete denial that maybe he is the problem. han jisung, the man who has convinced himself he isn’t meant for love.

wc : 8.5k

cw : not proof read, nonidol!au, alcohol/drinking, sadness, angst, arguing, cursing, some cute stuff. plz let me know if i missed anything.

a/n : likes, reblogs, and feedback is much appreciated!! not too confident on this one because idk, i feel like the dialogue isn’t well executed, but let me know what you think. please enjoy!

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈

Jisung didn’t exactly have the best track record when it came to romance. He never did anything exceedingly horrendous, he always remained faithful in each relationship he had, but they never lasted long. He simply didn’t know how to be a good partner, always too focused on his own needs to the point that his selfishness turned into emotional neglect for the other. 

It’s not that he didn’t like the people he dated. He genuinely adored them for who they were, yet he always found himself heartbroken and confused at the end of each relationship when they would all voice the same exact reasonings on why they were ending it. 

“I just don’t feel like you care about my feelings.”

“It feels like you don’t even like me enough to put in the effort to make this work.”

“I don’t feel like a priority in your life.”

“I swear you forget we’re even in a relationship.”

“You’re too focused on yourself and everything else to even make time for me.”

Like clockwork, a few months would pass by and his partner would sit him down for the break up talk. It was exhausting. He was clueless, not having any idea what he was doing so wrong even though he would always receive a list of reasons each time. In his eyes, he was doing the best he could, but perhaps his best was not enough. 

Of course he cared for their feelings! Of course he liked them, he could’ve sworn he was doing his damnedest. Not a priority? That was ridiculous, he always made time to spend with his partner during the week despite his busy schedule. Forget? Nonsense! Too focused on himself? Well, of course he was focused on pursuing his music career which required long hours at the studio, why would he want to be with someone who didn’t support his endeavors? They knew what they were getting into when they met him!

It made zero sense to Jisung. At some point, he had given up on love altogether. Maybe he just wasn’t meant for it, maybe relationships were just not his thing. Clearly, he was doing something wrong and he decided that maybe hook up culture was just where he belonged. 

What Jisung failed to realize was that he was forcing his own ideals of a relationship onto his partners. The idea that people had different needs and perceptions on how relationships should function never dawned on him. He never thought to consider what the other person wanted and had simply assumed they would be content with whatever he had to offer. 

He forgot that some people needed more reassurance. He forgot some people wanted to go on actual dates, not everyone considered a night in a date, especially if every date was a night in. He forgot that some people didn’t just want to sit in a room with him while he was on his phone or working on his next project. Sometimes people wanted his undivided attention. Sometimes people wanted to be able to hold a conversation with him. Sometimes people needed more communication because quite frankly, three texts a day didn’t quite cut it for most people.

Yet, Jisung was too absorbed in his own world and his passions to even begin to understand that concept. He absolutely refused to believe he was doing something wrong and that he was just dating the wrong people this whole time. He just hadn’t found the one, right?

Despite that foolish belief he stubbornly held onto, it didn’t mean each instance didn’t take a hit on his ego. After the many failed relationships he had been through, the fear of inadequacy and insecurity began to creep into his mind. Was he not worthy of love? Was he incapable of forming a healthy relationship? Was something wrong with him?

He felt that he had so much love to offer in his heart, but he had no idea what it took to be a good partner. He was too tunnel visioned on producing and music to realize that sometimes, love and relationships required a bit of sacrifice, and that was something he refused to do.

Yet, Jisung wanted to fall in love. Like any other human on earth, he craved to love and be loved, to be understood wordlessly by someone else, but it seemed like love didn’t welcome him with open arms. He desperately wanted to feel like he was needed and wanted, to feel the bubbling shyness and giddiness that only love could give him, but somehow, it seemed that he was the victim of a paradox. Love hated him.

However, Jisung had resigned and accepted defeat. He wasn’t cut out for it. Besides, it’s not like anyone would even bother to give him a chance anymore. After a few failed relationships, people were quick to label him as ‘trash’ and a terrible boyfriend, only good for fun, but definitely nothing more. It was almost as if he had a permanent warning label above his head that scared off anyone who had any remote interest in him. 

People talked. And if anyone so much expressed any interest in him, someone would leap in to rescue them from a foreseeable heartbreak, telling them he was no good and a waste of time. Oh, but if you wanted a few nights of fun and to just fool around, he was perfect for that, but never, and absolutely under no circumstances, was he someone to settle down with. 

He was the only one to blame for his infamy in the dating scene, but Jisung was suffering from a case of extreme delusion and oblivion. Maybe one day he would lose that self-centered immaturity and have a much needed epiphany, but that day seemed far off in the future.

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈

For the past week, Jisung had holed himself in his studio, insistent on perfecting his latest track by some arbitrary deadline he had set for himself. This was a regular occurrence that his friends had gotten used to. They would be more surprised if this didn’t happen, but this also meant that they had to pay a visit to his studio every few days and force him to take a break for the sake of his mental and physical health. 

Today was one of those days in which Minho came knocking at his door after unlocking the door with the passcode Jisung had given him long ago, reminding him to come by his place later that night for a small party to celebrate his dance troop’s recent competition win. While Jisung was proud of this achievement, part of him felt a tad bit annoyed that he had to interrupt his work schedule for someone else, but Minho was one of his best friends, he at the very least should show up for a bit. He could stay for an hour or two, and hopefully by then everyone would be a little too drunk to notice he had escaped back to his studio.

Jisung sighed as he begrudgingly made his way to Minho’s apartment, dreading the amount of people he would have to socialize with tonight. He was relieved to know that a few familiar faces would be there, such as Hyunjin and Felix, who were also part of the troop, but the team had also gone through auditions recently, meaning there would be people he would have to meet for the first time.

He wasn’t one for befriending strangers, as oftentimes, many of them had a negative impression of him due to his dating history. He hated how every time he introduced himself, as soon as the words “Han Jisung” left his mouth, people’s faces would drop into an unreadable expression, almost as if they were disappointed to finally meet the man who was rumored to be complete and utter trash. It was anxiety-inducing and turned him off from seeking out new friendships because everyone would always say “Oh! Did you used to date my friend?” And at that moment, he knew it was over. They hated him before they even got to know him. As a result, Jisung always felt apprehensive when it came to meeting new people and he much preferred sticking with his small circle of friends. 

As Jisung arrived at the front steps of Minho’s apartment, he felt his shoulders tense up with trepidation as he subconsciously bit the inside of his cheek. The party had already started with the music blaring throughout the building, the lights dimmed with colorful LEDs visible from the window. A chorus of joyful cheers followed by the clinking of shot glasses and laughter could be heard from outside, signaling that the party was already in full swing. Jisung let out an uneasy groan, unprepared for what the night would bring, but reassured himself knowing that he only needed to stay for at least an hour before he could retreat back to the safe haven known as his studio.

After a sharp inhale, Jisung put on a fake smile as he opened the door, instantly greeted by a drunken Changbin who was double fisting two beers, wearing a toothy smile.

“Jisung! You made it!”

The last thing Jisung wanted tonight was to be put in the spotlight, which Changbin just unknowingly thrust him into with no warning. Others nearby turned their attention to the front door, some choosing to ignore Jisung’s presence to continue their conversations while others politely waved or called out a quick hello. 

Minho shortly appeared in Jisung’s vision, grinning from ear to ear as he pulled him into a one-armed hug, “Glad you showed up, I was worried you forgot!” An airy chuckle escaped Minho as Jisung gasped, feigning a look of betrayal while playfully shoving Minho’s shoulder, “How dare you think I’d forget my best friend’s party? I would never!”

Minho rolled his eyes at Jisung’s gesture before dragging him by his wrist. “Whatever you say, but c’mon! I want you to meet our new members. Plus, you look a little too stiff for my liking,so  let's get some drinks in ya first.”

Suddenly, shot glasses filled with tequila were shoved into Jisung’s hand as people egged him on to down them, chasing the two shots with lime and salt to cut through the harshness of the alcohol. A familiar buzz took over his senses, his head feeling lighter than usual as a lopsided smile appeared on his face while the nervousness he felt earlier quickly dissipated. 

The bit of liquid courage energized Jisung enough to forget all the now seemingly silly concerns he had earlier as he jumped through the bunches of people, excitedly yapping away as he caught up with friends and introduced himself to new people. Each time he noticed someone cringing at the sound of his name or giving him a dirty look, he would promptly take another shot to rid himself of the anxiety he was feeling, hoping the alcohol would make him just unaware enough of any other glares he would receive from people that night.

Eventually, Jisung made his way to the loft upstairs to take a break from the hectic party below, already feeling a headache coming on. He stumbled his way to the couch, not paying much mind to his surroundings as he plopped himself onto the couch, immediately throwing his head back while shutting his eyes.

“Oh, he definitely overdid it again,” laughed Felix from the left of him, “How many shots did you take?”

Jisung waved his hand as if he was shooing Felix away while mumbling, “Don’t even ask.”

He heard an unfamiliar giggle erupt from the right side of him, causing him to sit straight up with his eyes wide, hastily snapping his head to see who the laugh belonged to, not expecting anyone other than his friends here.

He found himself staring into your eyes that were crinkled from laughing, a lax smile adorning your face as you brought up a hand to hide behind. Your laugh was rich and decadent, almost as sweet as chocolate, and your smile was so refreshing that it instantly roused him from his drunken state the moment his eyes landed on you.

Oh, shit, they’re cute.

Jisung’s inebriated state had caused him to lose all self-awareness because all he could do was gawk at you with enamored eyes, his lips slightly parted as he struggled to find the words to introduce himself. He felt his face flush from embarrassment when you returned his gaze while wearing an expectant expression, patiently waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“I- Oh, uhm, I…”

You had instantly captured his heart with the most saccharine smile he has ever seen and within a few seconds, Jisung was undeniably smitten, but he was also completely making a fool of himself within those same few seconds.

“Jesus christ, Jisung, how drunk are you?” howled Hyunjin, who had gotten up to lightly poke Jisung’s cheek, “Helloooo, earth to Jisung? Anyone home?”

“Dude… Close your mouth before you start drooling over there. I don’t think that’s an image you want Y/N to have during your first meeting,” Seungmin, who was sitting on the floor, mischievously sneered, quickly recognizing Jisung’s speechless state was caused by something more than just alcohol. Jisung shook his head side to side to wake himself from his lovestruck daze, clearing his throat in an attempt to cover up Seungmin’s comment. 

“Mm, sorry! I just-,” 

Oh, this is bad, he really is making this so much worse for himself. He was now regretting all the shots from earlier as he tripped over his words, his nerves not being of any help. He desperately was trying to say something sensible, but instead, all he could blurt out was,

“Jisung! I’m Jisung… yeah!”

Now it is a lot worse as Jisung cringed at how loud and annoying his voice was, everyone else also seemingly cowering from second hand embarrassment as they watched the scene unfold, but no one was able to peel their eyes away.

Like an angel sent from heaven, Felix decided to have mercy on the brown haired boy, peeking out from behind Jisung to meet your eyes at the other side of the couch. “Y/N, this is our friend Jisung! He makes music with Changbin and Chan. Jisung, this is Y/N. They’re one of our newest members on the team.” God, Jisung could kiss Felix right now from how relieved he was to have alleviated the awkward tension he had just created moments earlier.

You nodded, smiling at Jisung as your eyes lit up in realization, “Oh, Jisung? I’ve heard about you before.”

Ah, there it is. Of course! Of course you have and how stupid of him to think he’d be able to have an untarnished first impression with you and-

“Minho says so many good things about you! He even showed me some of your songs. You’re really talented at what you do, I definitely added a few to my playlist.”

Someone pinch Jisung right now because he must be dreaming, there’s absolutely no way. Is luck finally on his side? Has God finally decided to be oh-so-merciful today? He was on cloud nine as he relished in your compliments, savoring this moment because this may never happen again.

Jisung clicked his teeth as he waved both his hands in front of him with a flustered smile, “Oh, no, no, no, I am not that good! But thank you!” The alcohol was really doing a number on him as he slurred over each syllable, but thankfully he was coherent enough for everyone to understand what he said. 

You let out a breathy laugh at his antics while standing from your seat, “Well, it's nice to finally put a face to the name, but I do have to go now, I have to be up early.”

Jisung deflated as everyone wished you good night, feeling disappointed how quickly your first meeting with him ended. Hyunjin stood up, offering to walk you out and once you were out of earshot, Jisung whipped his head to Felix.

“Felix… Who was that? How long have you been hiding them from me?”

Seungmin struggled to contain his laugh, earning a confused look from Jisung, “What are you laughing at?”

“Dude, you. You looked so stupid trying to talk to them.”

Jisung threw himself back into the couch, sinking into the cushions with an embarrassed groan, “Shut up, I know.”

Felix laughed, shooting Jisung a pitiful smile, “You’ve done worse, it’s fine. And no one was hiding them from you, you just never show up when we invite you anywhere. That is your own fault, not ours!” Jisung pouted, cursing himself mentally for rejecting all those plans.

“They’re cool, they’ve been on our team for a few months. Crazy good at dancing too, we are super lucky to have them.”

“Are they dating anyone?”

The room grew quiet at Jisung’s question as Seungmin and Felix looked at each other with uneasiness, unsure how to respond. Hyunjin had come back up the stairs after walking you to your car, just in time to hear Jisung. He let out a heavy sigh, alerting everyone of his presence.

“I… I think it's best if you just leave them alone, Jisung. They’re a really sweet person and you, well…”

“Me what? What do you mean?” Jisung furrowed his eyebrows at Hyunjin as the taller boy struggled to finish his thought.

“Just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why?”

“Seriously, Jisung? I know you’re wasted right now, but don’t make me say it. You know exactly what I’m talking about.”

And he did, he knew that Hyunjin was referring to his dating history, but Jisung felt himself growing angry hearing his friend allude to him being a bad partner, suggesting he would hurt you. 

“No, I want to hear you say it,” Jisung spat out, a scowl painted all over his face as he stared down Hyunjin with his arms crossed, who was still standing by the stairs. He felt himself become warm in frustration as all the insecurities he held close to his heart started to bubble up. Did his own friend’s think so poorly of him too?

Felix reached out to put a reassuring hand on Jisung’s shoulder, hoping to defuse the situation, “Let’s not do this right now. You’re still drunk, Jisung.” Jisung shook Felix’s hand off his shoulders, standing up while still glaring at Hyunjin with clenched fists. 

“Say it.”

“Jisung-” warned Felix, but he was cut off by Seungmin.

“You’re a shit boyfriend, Jisung. We don’t need you hurting someone we’re friends with again.”

The room was silent as everyone now stared at Seungmin with wide eyes, startled at how blunt he was being. Jisung didn’t know what he was feeling as a flash of rage took over his body, but at the same time, he felt his heart drop hearing those words come out of his own friend’s mouth. It was now Hyunjin’s turn to butt in,

“Seungmin, stop-”

“No, he needs to hear it straight up. He fucking sucks and you all know I’m right. I’m tired of him acting like he isn’t the problem. Leave Y/N alone. They’re better off without you.”

Jisung felt hot tears well up in his eyes as he took in every one of Seungmin’s words, each casting daggers into his heart. His worst nightmares were coming true as he realized that it wasn’t just strangers and ex-lovers who viewed in such a negative light, but the people he trusted so much, his own friends, also thought the same of him. The fury laced in Seungmin’s voice cut Jisung deep as every syllable pushed him over the edge til Jisungfound himself falling into a pit of sadness and hurt, his stomach flipping onto itself on his way down.

Was he really that bad? Wait, no! How dare Seungmin say such a thing to him? What does Seungmin even know about Jisung’s past relationship? He was stepping out of line! The sadness instantly subsided, soon being replaced with a familiar feeling of denial and anger as Jisung stomped towards Seungmin, crouching down to meet him on the floor. Jisung sloppily grabbed Seungmin by the collar of his shirt, pulling him close to his face.

“What the fuck did you just say? Take it back right fucking now,” growled Jisung, venom dropping down from each word.

Seungmin rolled his eyes, pushing the drunken boy off him who stumbled backwards, “See, this right here is your problem. You can’t even begin to accept that you’re in the wrong.” Seungmin stood up, now looking down at Jisung who still hadn’t regained his balance. He took in an exasperated inhale, a subdued smile replacing the vexed look he just had as he softened his tone, “Look, Jisung. I love and care for you, but I cannot turn a blind eye and let you hurt someone else. I mean it. Leave them alone.” With that, Seungmin made his way to the stairs, wanting nothing more than to get away from Jisung at that moment before he said something he’d later regret.

Jisung remained seated on the floor as he was processing the words and emotions that were rushing in all at once, his drunken brain unsure how to handle all the information he was just fed. He laid his head into his hands as his brain echoed Seungmin’s words again and again. 

Jisung felt his breath get caught in his throat as he hiccuped a quiet sob, his body starting to tremble as the tears he was holding back for so long finally fell. His body collapsed onto itself as his heart stuttered in his chest, his lungs burning from the lack of air as he continued to inconsolably weep, struggling to breathe between his cries. 

Maybe he is as bad as everyone said he was.

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

A few weeks had gone by since Jisung and Seungmin’s argument at the party, but the tension between the two boys didn’t last long as Seungmin showed up to Jisung’s apartment the very next day with a bowl of soup for his hangover and an apology, which Jisung graciously accepted, neither wanting to be upset at each other any longer. 

Despite that, the words Seungmin had said never left Jisung, leaving a permanent scar on his brain as he constantly recalled the moment. The words painfully rang through his ears as a ball of shame and misery formed in his stomach while he reminisced about his past relationships, trying to figure out what he did so wrong. 

Jisung felt horrible as he carried this weight of guilt on his shoulders as he wondered how his actions had hurt others and how he had remained oblivious for so long. All the insecurities and fears he had about himself were true at the end. Everyone around him was in agreement that he was the issue and he was the one behaving so selfishly in every relationship. He could understand that and he knew if his friend’s felt that way, it had to be the truth, but he was still struggling to identify what exactly about him and his behavior was so bad. 

Sure, he could reach out and ask his friends to help see what he was missing, but he was too afraid to face the reality of the situation, not ready to take another brutal beating of words. He was terrified to hear the truth, but he knew the same conclusion he came to long ago remained true. Love was just not for him, it didn’t want him the same way he did.

Everyone had taken note of Jisung’s downtrodden mood and thought he had just needed a few days to collect himself, but once everyone realized more time had passed and that he didn’t even have the will to attend a recording session with Chan and Changbin, everyone went into crisis mode. So, over the last few weeks, someone would show up to Jisung’s house to check in on him and either spend a few hours with him at home, or forcefully drag him out the house to spend time with the group, insisting it would help him feel better.

Each time someone had forced him out, he would be huffing and sulking like a grumpy toddler throwing a tantrum, but as soon as he got there, he would be as cheery as ever and would end the day feeling a lot better. He hated how right his friends were, but he was always thankful for every time they dragged him out despite his whiny and bratty attitude.

However, there was another mental battle Jisung was fighting that everyone was unaware of, or so he thought, and he was definitely not coming out of it as a winner. Unfortunately for Jisung, since the time you joined Minho’s dance team, you had hit it off so well with the rest of the group that you were there almost every time Jisung joined you guys on an outing. And each day he spent with you, he found himself falling more and more for you. 

He was really trying to stop himself, as he took Seungmin’s words to heart and imagined that sentiment was shared with everyone else, but this task was becoming an impossible one for Jisung to tackle!

It was weird. Every time he’d get invited out, Jisung would dread seeing you because he knew he was doomed to a hopeless, unrequited love with you, but if you weren’t there, he would be so disappointed and would find himself wanting to go home sooner. He wanted to stay as far away from you as possible, but something about you drew him in and he couldn’t resist and now here he is, finding himself in a friendship with you that he could not escape. 

It’s not that he didn't want to be friends with you, if anything he loved the friendship you two had grown in such a short time and how quickly he became fond of you. You were incredibly sweet to Jisung, constantly showing your consideration for him everyday in new ways. If he ever felt anxious or out of place, you were the first to take notice and offer to get him out of whatever stuffy social situation he was in and stay with him til he was ready to join the others again. If he had decided to stay in that day, you’d send him a message letting know he was missed and hoped to see him the next time. There was even a time where he was too sick to leave the house, and much to his surprise, he found you and Minho at his front door steps with food and medicine.

Somehow, unlike everyone else before you, you had shown him a special kind of unwavering kindness and didn’t judge him for his past. For the first time in years, he finally felt safe and unconditionally loved in a friendship that wasn’t one of the boys. That was enough for Jisung to know that you were someone he wanted to keep in his life for as long as possible, even if it meant he had to confront eventual heartbreak and only stay by your side as nothing more than a friend. 

But, that was okay. That was more than enough for him because as long as you were there, he would give you his all and support you endlessly. He would do anything to see you smile, anything to ensure your happiness, and if that meant he couldn’t be your lover, then that was a sacrifice he was willing to make. Besides, no one has ever been happy with him in a relationship. This was how it had to be, this is how he could protect you from himself.

Regardless of how Jisung felt towards you, he had seriously doubted you had any interest in him in the first place. How could someone as angelic as you want to be with, well, trash? There was no way you hadn’t heard about his disastrous dating history, and if you were as smart as he thought you were, that alone would turn you off from him. Not only that, he was pretty sure you had heard about the fight he had with Seungmin and if that fight said anything about him, it showed that he was a mess of insecurities and arrogance. Why on Earth would you ever like someone like that? And if you heard about the fight, he was positive that Seungmin and everyone else had warned you about him and dissuaded you from even considering anything romantic with him.

It was doomed! 

And although Jisung had earnestly vowed to himself he would not engage in anything romantic with you, he was failing miserably. His affection towards you was something everyone picked up on. He always, no matter what, had his undivided attention on you as you ranted to him about whatever bothered you that day or how you were struggling to nail a part of your dance routine. It was obvious. He loved hearing you talk and could listen to you for hours as if you were his own personal podcast, always mirroring your emotion and blindly agreeing with you during your rants, always asking you questions whenever you rambled on about your own hobbies and interests. 

If someone ever talked over you, he’d make sure to ask you what you were going to say. If you were upset that day, he’d always offer to buy you ice cream and insist to the group that they all needed to stop by the local ice cream shop. If you ever showed him a video of your latest dance routine, he’d shower you with a ridiculous amount of compliments until you were a flustered mess asking him to stop. And every time he noticed you were wearing a new outfit, changed your hair, or wore different jewelry, he would be quick to notice and let you know how wonderful you looked. He was shamelessly flirting with you, and he hadn’t even realized how far he had let it go. 

On the other side of the pond, you were well aware of every horrible thing that was said about Jisung, even long before you had become a member of Minho’s team, and to be quite frank, you thought he was a complete asshole from what you’ve heard. But once you realized that he was one of Minho’s lifelong best friends, you knew you had to push your personal feelings aside, especially when you realized some of the music Minho had you perform with was Jisung’s original work. You hated to admit it, but he was an absolute genius when it came to music production and you were slowly becoming a fan of his work. 

All you could tell yourself was that he couldn’t have been that bad if everyone was still his friend and reminded yourself people change, it’s not like you were going to end up liking the guy anyway. 

Oh, but you were so wrong. 

The first time you saw him at Minho’s party, you thought he was so irresistibly adorable during his drunken babbling, and you were honestly taken aback that the cute man who sat in front of you was none other than Han Jisung. Although, it did help soften your initial thoughts of him, making you think maybe he wasn’t that bad, especially after seeing him become a blushing mess at the mere sight of you, but those thoughts were quickly pushed away while Hyunjin walked you to your car after you left.

“Y/N…”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sure you’ve heard about Jisung from other people, right?”

“Oh, I’ve heard plenty, but he doesn’t seem so bad though.”

“Well, he isn’t if you’re just friends with him, but… He definitely seemed into you when he saw you and as your friend, I feel like it is my responsibility to let you know that he isn’t someone you should pursue. I love him, but you deserve someone better than that… I would hate to see him hurt another one of my friends.”

“Ah, no worries, Hyunjin. I’ve made dumb dating choices in the past, but I’m not that stupid.”

Except, you were that stupid. So, so, so incredibly stupid and you were terrified that anyone would uncover your growing crush on the boy. You could already imagine both Hyunjin and Seungmin’s disappointed looks, and you promised yourself you were taking this little secret to the grave. You had every reason in the world to not be attracted to Jisung, especially after hearing how he put his hands on Seungmin during their argument! Drunk or not, there’s no excuse for that and his denial of his actions said so much about him.

Yet, here you are, sitting next to Jisung on the couch in the living room of Minho’s place, excitedly talking to him about the latest episode of the drama you were currently watching, gossiping to him as if the actors were real people you knew in your personal life. He sat on the couch with his legs crossed, facing you while nodding along to every word you said, his eyes trained on you and you alone.

“And-, oh my god, I almost forgot, but the lead then told her to shut up! Can you believe that?!”

Jisung would then gasp, theatrically putting his hand on his chest, “No fucking way… What is his problem?”

“Right! And then-,” you paused for a moment, suddenly feeling insecure that you were forcing Jisung to listen about something he probably didn’t care for. You sighed and gave him an apologetic smile as you anxiously twiddled your fingers, “I’m sorry, I got carried away, you probably don’t wanna listen to me talk about some stupid drama.”

This time, Jisung did look genuinely surprised as his eyebrows furrowed upward with panicked eyes, “What? No, I love hearing you talk about this, you’re always so excited that it’s adorable.” He hated how fast your mood changed and started to worry if he had done something to make you feel that way. Did he look uninterested? Was he not responsive enough? 

“Did I do something to make you think I didn’t want to listen?”

You felt your cheeks grow warm at Jisung calling you adorable, and then felt your heart start beating loudly in your chest when he asked you that question with all the concern and worry in the world filling his eyes. You shot straight up in your seat, returning his gaze with astonishment, not expecting him to be so considerate. “No, no, you didn’t do anything wrong… I just…” You paused for a moment, trying to find the words without revealing too much on how you were feeling, “I just got nervous for a moment, I don’t know.”

Jisung nodded as you spoke, taking your hands in his as he gave you a reassuring smile, “Y/N, I promise there’s nothing more I’d love than to hear you talk. You could be explaining the most boring thing ever, and I would still listen to you happily.”

In the kitchen stood Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Minho who were watching the scene unfold before them as they prepared food for everyone, while the others were upstairs playing whatever video game upstairs. Seungmin narrowed his eyes as he watched Jisung reach for your hands, taking note of the flustered look on your face.

“I think Y/N likes him.”

Hyunjin and Minho turned to Seungmin for a moment, then looked back at you and Jisung, unsure what exactly Seungmin saw other than Jisung’s flirtations. 

Hyunjin let out an annoyed exhale as he continued to fry the eggs on the pan, then muttering, “There’s no way that’s possible. Y/N knows better.”

“I don’t know. Just look at them, they act like there’s no one else in the room when they’re together,” whispered Seungmin.

“I guess,” murmured Hyunjin, clearly upset about Seungmin’s hunch, “This is going to end terribly, isn’t it?”

Minho silently stood as he separated the ramen noodles that were boiling in the pot, humming along as he listened to the two younger boys angrily whisper. “I think it will be okay. I think our Jisungie has learned his lessons.”

The other two looked at him with disbelief, neither believing Jisung was capable of ever growing from the immature mindset he had for as long as they’ve known him. Hyunjin scoffed, “No, you don’t really think that, do you?”

Minho kept his eyes on the stove as the other two stared down at the back of his head, shrugging his shoulders, “Well, I could be wrong, I can’t exactly predict the future, but…” He then glanced back at the couch, smiling as Jisung made you laugh, “He treats them differently. I don’t know why, but he does. Don’t you two think so?”

Seungmin and Hyunjin stayed silent, not being able to deny Minho’s statement because they fully knew he wasn’t wrong. Everyone knew something in Jisung had changed when he had met you, and everyone saw how gently he treated you, almost as if he was scared he could scare you away with one little misstep.

“Whatever, I still don’t trust him,” Hyunjin grumbled, putting the last of the eggs on a plate.

Minho chuckled at both of the boy’s protectiveness, “That’s okay, no one is forcing you to, but remember, they’re both adults. They can do what they want, no matter how stupid we all think it is.”

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

Months had gone by and there was no denying the small romance that had flourished between you and Jisung. You both were hopelessly head-over-heels for the other, to the point that everyone around you two had grown sick of it and was praying for the day where one of you would finally confess your feelings to the other. 

You had long given up on hiding your feelings for the boy from your friends, especially after one day Seungmin had confronted you and told you it was the most obvious thing in the world. Part of you had prepared yourself for Seungmin to berate you for your poor taste in men, especially after the plethora of warnings you had been given about Jisung, but instead, he was very supportive and wanted you to feel comfortable enough to talk to him about it, even if he thought you could do better.

Jisung had become a part of your daily life, spending nearly everyday with each other or at the very least, you both had become accustomed to texting one another throughout the day. You’d start your day either sending or receiving a ‘good morning’ text from him and you’d end your day the same way, except it was a ‘good night’ text. 

You’d often pay him a visit at his studio on days he had lost track of time, always letting yourself in after he had given you the passcode to the door, which he had only given to you, Minho, Chan, and Changbin. It came to you as a surprise when he gave you the code to his studio, insisting that you needed it so you could drop in whenever you wanted, telling you that you were always a welcomed guest at his studio. In reality, Jisung just wanted an excuse to see you more, and you had taken the bait as you would often show up with an iced americano in hand and whatever takeout food you were in the mood for that day.

If you ever had a long day of dance practice, Jisung would make sure to stop by to drop off a snack and drink as well, often receiving complaints from Minho over his blatant favoritism, accusing him of neglecting his best friend, which would cause Jisung to grow red from embarrassment. Despite his relentless teasing, Minho was more than proud to see how much Jisung had grown and how naturally caring for you had come to him. It was a side of Jisung no one had ever seen, and it was a very much welcomed change.

Today, you were sitting on the couch at Jisung’s apartment as he washed the dishes from the dinner you both had attempted to make, humming along as he put them in the drying rack. For some reason, you and Jisung had thought it would be a great idea to recreate a steak dish you both saw online and while it did not go terribly, the steaks ended up being a little too burnt for either of your liking. You were a bit disappointed, part of you feeling embarrassed you couldn’t even cook a proper meal in front of your crush, but he had lifted your spirits up by telling you it was an ‘excellent culinary choice’ to serve the steaks charred, shushing you each time you said the word burnt. 

Soon after, he took a seat next to you on the couch, flicking through the TV as he tried to find something to watch, but soon gave up as he turned to you, “Is there anything you wanna watch?” 

You scrunch up your face as you take a few seconds to think, clapping your hands excitedly once the idea hits you, “Have you ever watched Love is Blind? It’s kinda a dumb reality show, but I still haven’t seen the new season and it’s always a fun watch!”

Jisung furrowed his eyebrows quizzically, tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy, “Love is Blind? I’ve never heard of it, what's it about?”

“Never heard of it!? No way!” You gasped, a hand clasping over your mouth dramatically as he smiled adoringly at your antics, “It’s such a crazy show! Basically, a bunch of singles are trying to find the love of their lives, but they’re meeting people without ever seeing what they look like!”

“Oh, so they only get to talk to each other?”

“Yeah! And then they have to get engaged, and once that happens, they can finally meet face to face. They’re supposed to get married at the end of the series, but there’s always juicy drama going on before then!”

Jisung hummed, taking interest in the show's concept, “That’s cool, so they’re trying to see if love is truly blind?”

“Exactly!” You chirped, nodding with enthusiasm as you beamed at Jisung, waiting for his response.

“Sure, let’s watch it!” How could he ever say no to you when you’re smiling at him that way? He swore he felt his heart flutter the moment you smiled at him, the jubilation in your eyes making him become putty in your hands. “Do you really believe in that though? Like, unconditional love?”

You turned to him as you grabbed the remote from his hands, a bit taken aback from his question, “Well, I’ve already seen the other seasons and some couples have definitely proven that love can be blind, but love differs for everyone. I think that’s the beauty of this show though, loving someone despite their flaws and loving them for who they truly are.”

He leaned back on the couch, returning your gaze as he lost himself deep in thought, “Right, but do you think you could love someone unconditionally? Even if they’ve made mistakes in the past?”

You furrowed your eyebrows as you tried to understand where Jisung was coming from, a gentle smile gracing your features as you reached a comforting hand over his wrist, “Well, as long as those past mistakes aren’t murder or something, I don’t see why not. I’d like to think people are able to grow from their past.”

Jisung smiled as he sighed in relief, his other hand resting on top of yours, “Even me?”

“Especially you.” 

┈ ✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✁✃✁✃✁✃✁✃✁ ┈ 

It was a quiet and cold night as you curled up into Jisung’s side, your head resting on his chest with a leg thrown over his as his arms swaddled you into a tight embrace. It was peaceful and serene, the only sounds filling the room was the light pitter patter of rain against his bedroom window and the comforting beat of his heart. You tilted your head upwards and caught Jisung’s gaze, a relaxed smile on his face as he leaned down to press a gentle kiss on your forehead, but you could’ve sworn you saw a glimmer of sadness in his eyes.

To be quite honest, you weren’t entirely sure what you and Jisung were, as neither of you had ever officially discussed labels, but you both were very aware of each other’s feelings for one another. There was no doubt that you both were more than just friends, but the label of partners or dating was something Jisung nervously tiptoed around. 

After a few weeks of these shared tender moments, you figured Jisung would soon ask you to be his, but the question never came and it filled you with nervousness. You didn’t want to pressure him, as you could sympathize with his concerns since he was very transparent with you about his hesitance from the very start.

Jisung was irrevocably in love with you and wanted nothing more than to make you his partner, but he would be lying to you if he wasn’t also terrified of the weight of that label. For so long, Jisung had convinced himself he was incapable of loving someone the way they deserved to be and never thought anyone would have ever fallen for him, especially someone as perfect as you. Perhaps it was your sheer kindness and undying belief in him, but he felt like a complete fraud, as if you had imagined him to be this amazing man that he could never be and has never been. He wasn’t ready to fall short of your expectations, he wasn’t ready to face the disappointed and heartbroken look on your face once you realized the rumors about him were complete truth.

He felt as if he was truly undeserving of someone as pure as you, someone so selfless and caring who approached their own feelings with so much confidence, while he was just a shamefully selfish man who didn’t know how to trust himself, who didn’t believe in his own ability to make his own partner happy, a man who was painfully insecure and unsure of who he was.

He wanted you with every fiber of his being and desperately wanted to be the very reason behind your smiles, laughter, and happiness. He so greedily desired to see his own reflection in your eyes for the rest of his life, a sight that he wanted to treasure for the rest of life and the thought of you looking at someone else that way physically pained him.

Yet, his fear of hurting you and disappointing everyone else around him held him back from chasing those feelings and Seungmin’s words from months ago ruminated in his mind as a constant reminder of his past failures. He would not be able to shoulder the burden of hurting you, the guilt would completely eat him up because at the end of the day, it would be his fault for fooling you into the idea that he was capable of giving you that movie perfect love story. For crying out loud, he’s Han Jisung, the guy everyone hated and criticized for his ineptitude of romantic relations. He knew what you wanted, he knew you were growing impatient and scared over his inaction, but his anxieties held him captive in a standstill, and he was not strong enough to challenge it.

All he could tell you was that he needed more time, that he was afraid and needed the chance to grow that confidence in himself once more, but he knew time was finite and he was running out of it. 

As he kissed your forehead, he felt his heart flinch as a pang of sadness flooded his body, forcefully fighting the overwhelming adoration and affection he had for you. He was petrified at the way his body slowly began to reject the feelings of love he had for you, fear and insecurities consuming it as if everything you had to offer nothing. All rational thinking had left him in that moment as panic took over his thoughts, angrily yelling at him for being such an idiot to think anything would ever change. How stupid he was to lead on another innocent person and how he was only going to hurt them, just like all the others before him. How idiotic he was for thinking he was ever deserving of love, as love does not wish to know him. 

He just couldn’t be your love.

God, if he wasn’t such a selfish asshole, maybe then he could’ve saved you from his own carelessness. If he had only heeded the warnings of his friends, but once again, he has fallen into the trap of self-centered needs outweighing the feelings of others. If he had only stayed your friend and nothing more, if he had only not-

“Y/N, I don’t think this is going to work.”

Did he really say that out loud? He held his breath as he cursed himself for acting so quickly out of fear, his heart stopped as he watched you stiffen in his own arm. You silently sat yourself up, his arms falling to the mattress as you turned to him with tears filling your eyes, your lips trembling as you tried to contain a sob.

Oh, how Jisung just wished the world would swallow him whole in that moment, his heart completely shattering at the sight of your crestfallen face. He looked into your watery eyes to only realize that this time, the reflection of your eyes showed the source of your sorrow, an expression he had wished he never had the misfortune to witness. 

“I… I’m sorry, I just-”

You shook your head, raising a hand to signal him to stop talking, refusing to take an explanation from him, “It’s okay. I was afraid this would happen.”

You forced a tightlipped smile, taking a deep breath through your nose as you tried to keep yourself together, faintly whispering a broken “Please don’t text or call me.”

Jisung shot up as he watched you get up from his bed, trying to scramble after you as you made your way to his front door, grabbing your belongings on the way. He didn’t realize how much he was already crying until he tried to speak to you, but it all came out in a blubbering sob. “Y/N, please, listen to me…” He begged you to listen to him, pleaded for you to try to understand where this was all coming from and to understand that he still loved you so much despite how selfish his actions are, yet you never gave him a chance.

“Jisung, please. I don’t care why, I don’t want to know,” you croaked between sobs, doing your best to maintain your composure as you faced the front door, refusing to look at him. “I just feel like an idiot. I should’ve listened to what people said about you.”

There you went, leaving his apartment and shutting the door in his face with force, leaving Jisung to confront nothing, but his own cowardice. 

Once again, Jisung fell into the trap of his own self-centered thinking, getting lost in his own immaturity as he became the victim of the circumstances he created. If he had only realized that he wasn't alone in this battle of his own conscience, if he had only realized you would've fought each insecurity and fear with him.

Oh, woe is me, Han Jisung. Only a fool would be afraid of love.

[sharp-silver4795]

BEN Drowned HCs

I felt like doing some character headcannons so here we are!

Quick warning: THIS IS A LONG POST!! I really like my version of BEN-

Story Elements

⚠️CW!! implied su1c!de, parent divorce, and bullying. I took a few headcanons and a lot of the stories and mashed em together into this mess-

He’s autistic. He struggled a lot as a kid and teen. Especially after his parents divorced, his issues at school seemed to only get worse. He developed some anxiety around being social and tried to stay away from people.

During school he would live with his dad. It was a pretty place. There was a small wooded area behind the neighborhood, but it had a nice clearing with a lake… Ben was too scared to ever go in since he didn’t know how to swim and couldn’t see the bottom.

He got bullied a lot and didn’t have many friends, but found comfort in video games.

He can’t handle being touched and he hates eye contact. The only way he was ever able to communicate was through screens because it made it easier for him.

He loved to get lost in the fantasy of the worlds he played in, especially Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask…

As a young adult, he couldn’t get away from the screens. He felt safe! He felt normal, though hiding from the world.

As time went on, at age 21, he realized he couldn’t live like that. But he was too scared to go… he didn’t want to repeat every other time of his life.

So, he found some chains in his dad’s garage and decided to finally take a ‘swim’ in the lake…

Living in the Screen

So, yes. He’s apart of the Mansion and has the cabin within the Mid-Mansion.

He prefers to live behind the screens though. There’s no sound except the buzzing of the electricity, he’s not having to move around the circuit board, and he has completely privacy.

He’s in the game system, yes, but not too far. It’s almost like he’s in the lights that bring the graphics to life.

He’s not visible unless you put your face right up to the screen. You might see a few green and brown pixels-

That’s BEN.

Social Shocker

Introvert v. Extrovert

He’s pretty quiet and introverted.

Sure, he likes talking to people, and he can strike up a conversation with just about anybody…. But when push comes to shove, at the end of the day…. Leave him alone. Let him sleep in his electronic void.

Friendships

He has a few genuine friends that he holds close: Lost Silver, Dark Link, Neon Spike, Nina the Killer.

Outside of those friends, he doesn’t really hang out with anyone consistently.

Self Esteem

BEN actually has a lot of insecurities.

The water made it so his skin looks like it’s constantly peeling. He’s a sickly bluish green with bleeding eyes and carries chains on his arms and legs.

It makes him feel gross. So, he hides in his electronic void….

Unless he finds one of his “distraction buddies:” Jeff the Killer, Puppeteer, Nathan the Nobody, Clockwork, Jane the Killer, and LJ

These are the ones that he feels he’s better than. If he feels bad in his appearance or skills in murder, why not crush someone in a video game?

Burn Out

Like most people, he can get social burn out- or even video game burn out.

When he’s feeling socially drained he’ll either escape to the screens, or sit with some of the quieter folks.

It seems quite counterproductive to be with people while you’re socially burnt out- but it works for him.

He particularly likes to watch others work on their projects: Jason and his dolls, Liu with metal and woodworking, Helen painting, etc.

Neutrality

You might have noticed that there are members of both the Mansion and the Dungeon in this section.

That’s because the Operator can’t restrict his social life.

It tried to and failed miserably.

It’s not that BEN can move through electronics of any kind- BEN becomes the electronic.

The Operator can’t keep him from getting anywhere and to anyone…

In the Mansion

BEN is really just cybersecurity.

He keeps a tab open for people who he’s told might be getting a bit close to answers.

He’s also the alarm/warning system.

He set up a way to detect if someone who isn’t in the mansion gets within a certain radius, so he notifies the Rebellions.

Murder

BEN has to have his fun too, right?

He likes to challenge his victims and give them a chance at survival.

Basically, it starts by him being summoned (usually by accident).

Then, he gives the typical warning: YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE THAT

After that, he cyber-stalks his victims for a while. Whenever he’s decided he wants to end it, he appears to them again.

He cuts all their power and cell service except for the device they’re on. He challenges them to a game…

If they win, they live. If he wins, they die.

Little does the poor victim know, BEN is a sore loser… in truth, they’re not making it out alive.

They are usually found dead after being electrocuted by their own device. It will be passed off as an electronic malfunction.

Sexuality, Gender, Etc.

He’s not exactly Aromantic, more like gray-romantic. He just doesn’t believe he can be in a relationship.

HE/HIM!! It makes him feel human again and not like a fucking monster.

Divider Creds: sisterlucifergraphics

Header Creds: MEEE!!!

[shadowgast-recs-weekly]

Xenobiology: A Shadowgast Rec List

This week, we have Xenobiology! Check under the cut for nine (nein!) fics that explore and revolve around non-human anatomy, and don't forget to comment and kudos if you like them!

Essek tests Caleb's ability to identify various flexible elongated organs

Pop Quiz by CatgirlTheCrazy (1250, Explicit)

Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Reccer says: Great for those looking for an edubation in Xenobiology

Shadowgast seahorse-like eggpreg

the seahorse's mate by Capitola (5143, Explicit)

Reccer's Content Notes: Male Pregnancy, Oviposition

Reccer says: Fun mix of xenobiology and magically made biology

Elves aren’t like humans, or so many other of the shorter lived races. For them, heat is a comparatively rare occurrence, coming barely once a year, if that. Essek’s own have always spaced a neat eighteen months apart with almost clockwork regularity, and it hits him that here, now, in this moment, he is dreadfully out of sync.

For the Fire Once Kindled by firefright (28697, Mature)

Reccer's Content Notes: Omegaverse

Reccer says: This is an absolutely lovely omegaverse fic, with Essek coming to terms with his feelings for Caleb, along with his biological reactions suddenly manifesting unexpectedly as a result, and Essek unsure how to adapt. It also includes some great Essek and Jester friendship moments and hugs, as well as discussions of his feelings for Caleb. If you don't regularly read omegaverse, I would implore you to read this one. It's relatively mellow (there's no sex beyond singular acts and no mpreg) and there are just so many excellent and feelingsy discussions and ideas.

Smutty, fluffy, established relationship pwp and Essek’s dick is retractable

stay soft (get eaten) by 2manyboys (5472, Explicit)

Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Reccer says: Super moody and lush

Essek and Caleb work on a project while the Mighty Nein are busy. Caleb’s proximity to Essek draws him into heat early and Essek lets him nest in the guest room while keeping his distance.

An Unexpected Development by mothinthetrees (14732, Explicit)

Reccer's Content Notes: Omegaverse

Reccer says: Interesting dynamic and worldbuilding!

Caleb polymorphs himself into a drider so the two of them can play out a fantasy

you can have my absence of faith by Anonymous (87745, Explicit)

Reccer's Content Notes: Dubcon/Consensual Non Consent, Male Pregnancy, Oviposition, monsterfucking, egg pregnancy of a trans male character

Reccer says: In between the wonderfully hot moments with drider!Caleb, the other side that Caleb plays is just so sweet! It makes for a fic that is just a delight all the way through

Too impatient to wait for Caleb to arrive, Essek forges ahead with a magical experiment, only for things to go terribly, terribly wrong. When Caleb arrives at Essek’s tower, he gets the fright of his life discovering the horrific effects of that experiment gone awry.

Wie’s Tier by Defiler_Wyrm (11080, Explicit)

Reccer's Content Notes: Dubcon/Consensual Non Consent

Reccer says: Hot and dirty smut

in true 'Essek Thelyss has the worst luck ever' fashion, he starts to go into heat right as he joins the Nein on their rush to Aeor

when the snow melts by ivelostmyspectacles (23089, Explicit)

Reccer's Content Notes: Omegaverse

Reccer says: I love it when authors play around with omegaverse dynamics, and this one is omega/omega

Caleb introduces Essek to his latest Aeor find. It turns out, "let's rehabilitate the traumatized sex mimic with issues respecting consent" is kind of a hard sell to a protective, paranoid boyfriend.

Armchair Therapy by catgirlthecrazy (14190, Explicit)

Reccer's Content Notes: Dubcon/Consensual Non Consent, tentacle sex

Reccer says: I liked it!

This is one of our weekly communally-generated shadowgast rec lists. Every week we announce a new theme and allow anyone to submit a fic recommendation. 

And hey, anyone includes you!

Next week, we'll be featuring fics that are work in progress! Any fics coming to mind? Well, then use this form to submit!

[m-a-lice-sounright]

We're all acquainted with Suzunosuke's celebrated artwork involving the Clockworker's Doll, which was also featured in Miniature Garden Girl.

I wanted to go more in detail about this.

Let’s describe the image first:

The room seems small from our perspective. The background varies shades from a bright pink near the window to a duller magenta as you move your eyes to the left. Some petals float over the area.

There's a person at the center of the room, sitting on what looks to be a comfortable bed. She wears an entirely white dress. She uses a rose as her hair accessory and has a ribbon tied on one of her wrists. She seems to give a lonely expression in contrast to her smile. Her arms are crossed, resting on a birdcage. The latter one contains white-light pink flowers and three vessels of the Deadly Sins.

Given this premise, let's move on to a more elaborated analysis.

We can recognize three vessels in the cage:

The Glass of Conchita;

The Mirrors of Lucifenia;

The Marlon Spoon.

The only one that's not in it is the Clockworker's Doll. It could be a reference to the Doll distinguishing herself and seeing them as merely objects while she yearns to be a human.

Cages often symbolize imprisonment and loss of freedom. The vessels lost indeed their liberty of wandering around the globe. At the same time, it could imply she's preserving the items for Gallerian since he's collecting them, suggesting her appreciation for his work.

There are light pink roses that generally represent admiration, appreciation, grace, gentleness, gratitude, trust, joy, happiness, and love. In short, very generic adjectives.

The blooms in the cage could indicate the Doll's desire for having more. She wants to know about the outside world, given that her life is reduced to the small room she lives in, but she'd rather remain together with her “father”.

The rose in her hair could represent her belief that she's happy with what she has and accepts it, insinuating her admiration and love towards the judge.

The colors vary from pink to white, the last one symbolizing purity, hope, devotion, innocence, and youth. They describe the doll very well in my estimation.

Therefore, there could be a hint of the Irregular chained up, where each element in the confined space is a recall to the re_birthday song (Glass of Conchita = red manacles; Marlon Spoon = blue chains; Mirrors of Lucifenia = Irregular; Roses and sepals = the spring; the black room = the cage).

Seven roses have the meaning of “hidden love”. Gallerian loves the Clockworker's Doll or, at any rate, he's fond of the soul that dwells inside it. From people's point of view, he's a hopeless madman who takes refuge in past memories and projects them into an inanimate object. Regardless, Gallerian can communicate with the being inside it, developing a proper and genuine connection with her people can't perceive. Consequently, the expression can insinuate a non-existing affection from commoners’ apprehension of the circumstances. Conversely, there's a deep bond no one but her “father” can perceive.

Summing up, “hidden love” is concealed from the sight of others; only the two parties involved who in this situation are Gallerian and the Doll can fully comprehend it.

Speaking of the Doll, in the illustration we can notice she wears a distinct dress from the usual, blue one we're used to, a dress completely covered in white with minor pink tints in the upper area of the fabric and the ribbons.

A white gown commonly alludes to a connotation of innocence, virginity, being pure and clean, this in accordance with the values of the Christian faith.

It is evident here the authors' intention to correlate the achromatic color to the Doll's unexpected virgin pregnancy, thereby referring to the irregular residing in her womb. The pink features are very likely a citation to Irina, the owner of the soul inhabitating the Clockworker's Doll.

Now, if you pay particular attention to the Doll’s forehead, there appears to be what looks like a microscopic circular rash right above her left eye. I haven’t figured out yet what it is or if there’s any specific reason why it is there. However, I’ve come up with some ideas; for example, it may denote as a mark left after Gallerian's death by being shot in the head, a metaphor for emphasizing that the collector’s ideals will later be passed on to his “daughter”, and therefore he left a profound impression on her in his demeanor and mannerisms.

Or it's more conceivable they're there to provide an aesthetic effect.

The window refers to the external world, the world full of possibilities and new experiences that she never had the chance to discover. She only has her room, the demons in the vessels, and Gallerian to keep her company, nothing else. She's somewhat alone, although she's fine with that, having the impression of being mostly more relaxed than anything else. Although, observing carefully, it seems like she's staring at the window in a melancholic way: she wants to know the outer view of her door. Nevertheless, she's just a motionless doll and would rather remain by the judge's side.

Moreover, the window is divided into six components. They may indicate the vessels of sin Gallerian succeeded to gather, and it's also the number of roses visible in the birdcage (I'm not sure though, since the other version presents eight segments). Along with the one used as adornment, we have in total seven roses, identical to the complete set of the deadly sins.

Petals flutter in the air, wandering around the limited chamber. As mentioned before, these flowers cover symbolic connotations. Aside from the definitions listed previously, white petals can also indicate new beginnings, renewal, and hope. I figured there's a potential that they might represent Irina's body alterations over the course of a thousand years, although I'm not convinced 100%.

Additionally, in numerology, the number five is represented as “freedom, curiosity, and change, which can be interpreted as having the desire to have adventures and explore new possibilities”. As we stated earlier, the Doll isn't entirely free. She wishes to be more informed about what’s beyond her window, but she's limited to her tiny room and can't leave. Only Gallerian is her information source in order to understand the outside world, and as follows, his guidance has borne fruit indeed, albeit the results may not be the expected ones.

Moving forward to the next element, let’s focus on the fuchsia ribbon wrapped around her wrist.

Very frequently, ribbons have a deep meaning in cultural contexts. They’re linked to protection and required to stave off evil spirits. A bit ironic considering that she has the vessels locked up while holding their confined area, while in reality, she herself is a container.

Ribbons are also related to awareness in terms of specific diseases. As we know, the Doll has difficulty with the movement of her legs and is thus obligated to use a wheelchair.

The ribbon placed on the right wrist has a symbolic connotation as well. In some cultures, the right side has always had the significance of authority, power, and strength. During the Judgment of Corruption era, the Clockworker Doll is notorious for taking Gallerian's place as the director of Evil’s Theater after his demise. She has an elevated authoritarian position over the inhabitants or ordinary people while announcing verdicts as she determines the consequences of the individual.

In Biblical comprehension, the “right hand of God” symbolizes a place of honor, status, and righteousness. The career of a judge is certainly seen as an honorable position in the eyes of the public, and as such, they have the duty to be impartial and to pass fair judgments for everyone according to the law.

However, what happens when there's no law to rely on? When the only teachings you can exercise are those grasped from the previous misguided director? This is the case of the Doll acting as the master of the court. She doesn't have a guide to inform her that what she's doing is ethically wrong. She isn't even aware of what's right and what's wrong given that she needs to be lectured about the moral standards of the world. Despite that, she continues to do what she retains right because of Gallerian’s tutoring, having reconsiderations at times and reaching out for help, albeit in vain.

[johnnycrass]

yes so true and i do agree. this is the case for many and im happy for them. not to be socialist with it but i have no desire currently to return to living alone ever since i started treating my living situation like a form of community bc we are literally in the wohngemeinschaft, the commune, the jersey shore house. we're in the same team... my shipmates... the other castle squires.... i started viewing this whole thing as our shared project so in order to make it work we all have to participate in some fixed rules or routines, take accountability, and have a more generous view of each other, or at least be understanding. at the same time, i never get PERSONAL with it - i dont believe anyones ever attacking me personally when they do stuff thats negligent i keep it very business and free of emotion. we all help each other. we cohabitate. anyways so i think having roommates has been a way of strengthening my ability to be a part of a community. but idk how my roommates are viewing this LOL. that being said, one of my past roommates would leave the front door unlocked every night even tho we had constant break in at our apartment complex like constantly like there were signs up warning of it the cops were always there, one of em got in to a screaming match with her mom every day like clockwork midday above my bedroom while i was doing zoom classes (Quarantine), and one of em BLEW UP the fucking sink like it was CLOGGED it was a mouth to hell she fucked it up so bad. but i know im lucky, its now 13 individual roommates ive lived with in my life and never has anyone truly tormented me or fucked me over, im probably lucky. i want rent to GO DOWN everywhere so more people get the chance to live alone!!

[desmon1995]

Lin-Manuel Miranda: How His Work Mirrors Where We Are as a Society (and Where He's Been as an Artist)

So, Lin-Manuel Miranda . The man hardly needs an introduction at this point—he’s the face of musical theater for so many people, especially outside of typical Broadway circles. His work, from In the Heights to Hamilton to The Warriors, has this uncanny ability to reflect the times we live in, both as a society and, often, as a deeply personal commentary on his own evolution as an artist. And like clockwork, his big releases have often dropped right before critical U.S. elections—almost as if he’s intentionally or unintentionally influencing the conversation ( Hamilton technically came out an entire year before the 2016 election, can you get the idea)

To really get into this, let’s start at the beginning with In the Heights. It wasn’t just another musical—it was Miranda’s response to the toxic cultural and political climate of the early 2000s, a time when the Bush administration and mainstream media were all too comfortable promoting xenophobic narratives about Latinx communities. Latinos were often portrayed as lazy or as criminals—a threat to the so-called “real” America.

In the Heights tore down that facade by giving us Washington Heights: a vibrant community where people were simply living, dreaming, and struggling with universal, relatable problems—chiefly, the looming threat of gentrification by the very people who claimed to be disgusted by them. Miranda was saying, “Here we are, unapologetically existing, and our stories deserve to be seen.” It was a powerful counter to the era’s narratives and marked the beginning of his rise as a “Broadway guy.”

Then came Hamilton, and it changed the game. The musical theater scene in the 2010s was still mostly white, with producers often playing it safe to avoid “rocking the boat.” Miranda blew that boat right out of the water, putting a majority POC cast in colonial garb and re-imagining the founding fathers through hip-hop and R&B. Suddenly, the nation’s founders were embodied by people who looked like the folks kept on the sidelines of Broadway. Hamilton didn’t just break down doors—it crushed them, and LMM took his cast with him into the limelight. People were forced to acknowledge the contributions of POC not only to theater but to the founding of the country itself.

But as Miranda’s fame exploded, so did the critiques. On platforms like Tumblr and Twitter, people started questioning aspects of Hamilton, pointing out the musical’s liberal optimism and the sometimes one-dimensional portrayal of its female characters. Miranda’s status as a model minority was both a blessing and a curse—he was the guy, but he was the guy, always expected to carry everyone’s expectations of diversity and inclusivity. Even in marginalized spaces, there was some annoyance that he was often the first (and only) one called on for high-profile projects when so many other talents from his community remained overlooked.

Fast forward to The Warriors, a concept album that dropped right before the critical 2024 election, and we see a very different Miranda. This time, he partnered with the leftist creator Eisa Davis, and together, they crafted something that feels much more raw and socially aware.

One of the biggest differences between Hamilton and The Warriors is in how they handle female representation. The critiques about Hamilton’s female characters—especially the sidelining of complex women like the Schuyler sisters—seem to have influenced The Warriors, which features an entirely female cast with a range of personalities, appearances, and backgrounds. Each character is given the space to be fully realized and nuanced. There’s Cleon, a large, fierce woman who’s both the matriarch and leader of the Warriors. She’s tough yet compassionate, the glue holding this group of wildly different women together. Then there’s Swan, Cleon’s co-leader, who’s aloof and stoic on the outside but deeply vulnerable and loyal beneath her hardened shell.

Two especially interesting characters are Cowgirl and Ajax. Cowgirl is easygoing, unabashedly lustful, and fully herself. Her sexuality isn’t seen as a flaw; it’s just part of who she is. Ajax, on the other hand, is cantankerous and boasts a nonconformist, aggressive edge that would typically cast her as the “antagonist” or rival. But here, she’s just allowed to exist—her roughness doesn’t make her less part of the family; in fact, it makes her stronger.

And then there’s Mercy, who’s had to sleep around to survive and is initially met with hesitation by the Warriors. But here’s the kicker: it’s not about slut-shaming. They’re wary because Mercy is an outsider, not because of what she’s done to survive. Mercy becomes a reversal of Hamilton’s Maria Reynolds, with a more compassionate look at the complexity of ordeals that women have to endure to survive.

The evolution of Miranda’s work goes deeper, though. Where Hamilton had a clear enemy in the figure of King George (and the absurdity of colonialism as a backdrop), The Warriors confronts something grittier and closer to home. The villains are more sinister, more reflective of today’s issues. We have Luther, a dangerously angry man who weaponizes his societal privilege to sow chaos—a character who hits close to home in 2024’s social climate. Then there’s the police, depicted as ruthless enforcers of an oppressive state, mercilessly cracking down on anyone they perceive as a threat. Finally, the American government itself is hinted at as the ultimate, faceless villain—represented by the boroughs and conditions that force these women into a life of struggle and resistance.

It’s also impossible to ignore Eisa Davis’s impact here. Her influence helped push Miranda into a more conscious, radical space, and it’s clear in every beat of The Warriors. This isn’t just a musical; it’s a raw, unfiltered reflection of an America where, for many, the dream has shattered. The system has failed the Warriors, and they know it. Unlike in Hamilton, there’s no bright-eyed optimism or “let’s make it work” mentality. This is survival in a system that’s fundamentally broken.

It’s funny, though. The Warriors was written years ago, yet it feels like it was tailor-made for 2024. It’s proof that, yes, you can teach an old dog new tricks—and that even the most famous names can still evolve with the times if they’re willing to listen, to change, to get uncomfortable.

Maybe that’s the lesson here. It’s easy to pigeonhole Miranda as the Latinx, non-white face of Broadway and expect him to always cater to everyone’s expectations. But Miranda’s story shows us that growth happens when artists are allowed to wrestle with their critiques, collaborate with new voices, and dive deeper into the messiness of reality. And maybe that’s something we can all take away—to challenge ourselves, to learn, and to evolve with the times.

[eldritch-nightmare]

Mk, so, how about Liu, and any other characters of your choice with an S/O who has selective-mutism, but one day they just randomly decide to say something, but it’s in a completely different language. Idk where I got the idea from.

a/n: i saw liu's name and i couldn't restrain myself. i'm monolingual so i had to use various translation sites so if these are incorrect then i am so sorry. nd i opted to just have the reader randomly say 'i love you' because that seemed like an easy phrase to not butcher. except for liu. with what i wrote, i did have to give a full phrase other than 'i love you' and i put it through multiple translation sites so uhm fingers crossed that it's accurate uhm if you speak danish and it isn't then first off i am so sorry and second off can you please tell me what the actual translation is anyways this is a long note sorry fdhjfh hope you enjoy!!

with a selectively mute s/o that speaks in a different language.

includes: homicidal liu, the doll maker, nurse ann, and clockwork.

warnings: gn reader, it's honestly mostly just sappy, liu downplays a stab wound but that's really it.

HOMICIDAL LIU.

Liu doesn't really think about your selective mutism. You'll talk to him whenever you're comfortable, and if that's never then that's fine with him. All he cares about is your comfort.

Besides, if you ask him, he does enough talking for the both of you. At least... he thinks he talks a lot. It definitely feels like it. And who knows, he probably just teaches you morse code so you two can communicate like that.

And little did either of you know, today was the day you'd speak to him for the first time. And not for good reason, sadly. You see, Liu... isn't necessarily a careful person when it comes to his own safety.

So he may or may not have gotten hurt. But it's not like it's a life-threatening injury or anything like that! Besides, he's taught himself how to treat minor wounds like this. Really, it isn't that big of a deal.

You think otherwise, because, uh, he was fucking stabbed. Who the hell considers a stab wound a 'minor' injury?!

So when you saw him cleaning and stitching up a stab wound, this obviously led to some bickering between the two of you. Liu is telling you that he's okay, while you're aggressively telling him via morse code that he's been stabbed and that he needs to get professional medical attention. But Liu was fine. He's gone through way worse than this, so you really don't have to worry.

But him saying that just leads to you throwing up your hands in frustration as you say, "Dammit, kan du ikke se, at jeg er bekymret, fordi jeg elsker dig?!"

And... well... Liu doesn't really know what you just said but he feels really bad knowing that this is what made you speak to him for the first time.

He'll sigh and apologize for not taking his injuries seriously, and he promises to get professional help rather than just treating it himself. He... is legally classified as dead, so he can't go to a hospital but... I mean... he knows a guy who was studying medicine. And a very suspicious doctor.

THE DOLL MAKER.

Vine's native tongue is Russian, so more often than not he'll mutter to himself in his mother tongue rather than any other language.

He doesn't really care if you speak or not, mostly because he feels more comfortable in the silence. He's not the best at holding conversations.

He was busy making a doll with non-human parts this time around. And you were roaming around his little workshop, inspecting all his half-finished projects and sketches of future dolls he planned on making.

Vine trusts you to be around his work, so he's not worried about you accidentally making a mess or breaking anything but he does find himself feeling a little nervous.

Dollmaking is his passion, it's something he loves doing. And he loves you as well and values your opinion more than anyone else's. What if you think he's not doing a good job? What if you think he could make something better?

You've never given him the impression that you dislike dolls or find his creations and passion to be 'childish' but it's still a thought that lingers in his mind nonetheless. Thoughts like this constantly plague his mind.

But when he glances away from the doll he's working on to see you gently straightening out the dress of another one that's on display, a small smile gracing your lips as you admire his creation...

"Я тебя люблю." The words just sorta slipped out of his mouth, and it took him a moment before he went to repeat what he said in English but you spoke before he could even open his mouth.

"Я тебя тоже люблю." And oh. That's the first time he's ever heard you speak, he thinks.

NURSE ANN.

She too is selectively mute, though she doesn't speak because it physically hurts to more often than not, and also... she sees no real reason to talk, to be honest.

You two probably communicate via sign language or writing, though she'll quietly whisper to you if she has to.

Ann doesn't care if you talk or not. She gets it, even if you two have vastly different reasons for your selective mutism.

She's not going to have that big a reaction when you do talk, though she will tilt her head to the side a bit when you speak in an entirely different language.

It'll probably happen while the two of you are spending time together in silence, Ann doing her own thing while you're sitting nearby.

She was caught up in her own little task, mind empty. She was vaguely aware of your gaze on her, but she only really came back to reality when she heard you sigh and softly murmur to yourself.

"Ich liebe dich."

She blinks, taking a moment to process your words. She... doesn't understand German, but the way you softly spoke the words, and the way you were looking at her with such fondness... well, she had a vague idea of what you said.

And very quietly, she whispers back, "Love you too."

CLOCKWORK.

Natalie seems like the type of person who wants to learn a new language, and even begins starting to, but her motivation for it just evaporates two days after starting and she stops trying to learn. And it's just a cycle that rinses, washes, and repeats itself.

Anyways, she overthinks a lot and needs constant reassurance more than she would like, so at the beginning of your relationship, communication was probably a little rocky.

But you guys manage to come up with other ways to communicate rather than vocally.

She'll catch herself wondering what your voice sounds like, and she'll sometimes wonder if you'll ever feel comfortable enough around her to speak but she doesn't push you to talk.

She understands, trust me.

But she's definitely surprised when you wake her up from her nap just to look her in the eye and bluntly say, "Anh yêu em." and you don't even give her a chance to process it before you walk away.

She's just baffled and confused. What the hell did you just say to her? You just spoke. What the hell did you say? Is she dreaming? She feels awake. She's definitely awake.

Natalie has to dig around for her phone to try and search for the translation of what you said, and it takes her a few tries before she finally manages to type it out correctly. She definitely buries her face in a pillow when she reads the translation. And she ends up falling back asleep.

It's only when she wakes up again that she'll go and find you. She'll wrap her arms around your waist and rest her forehead on your shoulder before placing a gentle kiss there and tiredly murmuring, "I love you too."

[midnigtartist]

Okay, I know you've done some stuff on this, but what little artificer things does Dotty for Gale?

Do her infusions always go to help him?

Does she leave him little 6 second voice messages around the house?

When they were adventuring I had Gale use the lighten equipment for a while and Ive always hc that Dotty was making it for him lol

But Dotty’s infusions and inventions are all over the tower in Waterdeep too. She mostly specializes in projectiles and explosives but she loves clockwork too so theres tons of little mechanical odds in ends floating around. I think she makes some mechanical songbirds for the tower (which vex Tara to no end)

She’s and earlier riser so she’ll leave little infused messages for Gale letting him know where she is bc she’s always up before him. She and Gale also have paired pocket watches of sending to communicate.

Gale loves all of her inventions (he has the cutest in game dialogue about how much he likes tinker tech) He keeps a bunch of projects Dotty didnt feel worked or abandoned on his desk at Blackstaff

[nualaofthefaerie]

I can see we're back at this like clockwork, except I am not so civil or so polite anymore. I told you people last year be kind and you don't want to listen, so here's how we're gonna do this:

1. Learn punctuation and grammar

2. I'm playing with my dolls in my corner. I do not bother you. Leave me alone.

3. I have a lot of friends in this community because I am a normal fucking human who builds connections with others instead of being a mean spirited anon little bitch. Put this energy into making friends instead of projecting onto me.

4. Nuala of the Faerie is a character, and so are Robert and Dream and all of them. It's really neither that deep nor that serious. If seeing a girl ship fictional characters on her own blog bothers you, then that is entirely your problem and you need to figure it out.

5. Not liking m/f ships does not make you more radical or revolutionary. I'm a queer woman. I enjoy all types of ship. I guarantee you, Nuala and Morpheus is not a stance against queerness or feminism.

In conclusion,

Chill.