#quark soup

[fukoronoko]

It’s called: Babygirl, ok?

[metalcrows]

Searched up Quark on Pinterest and... What did they do to him.

[tortoise-teapot]

i am not kidding when i say 'zeki romance when'

[apple8ees]

new(?) vampirism take: contrary to popular belief, the reason why vampires cannot have garlic is NOT because of it's properties as an antibiotic, it is because vampires are garlic themselves, and do not practice cannibalism

[patricia-taxxon]

one thing ive had presented to me regarding invulnerability & eternity is that if your body was eternal, you would yourself be an infinite source of energy and matter & would contradict the heat death of the universe. i think on a local timescale its too negligible to really be of use to humanity but like, if u float out in the quark soup for long enough, you'll shed enough fur and skin that it'll coalesce and maybe become massive enough to create another singularity. it'll take a really long time, though, and the second time through you're gonna have to rely on luck instead of the anthropic principle to find a planet with life.

[rohvee]

Wip wednesday 🖤

White fields of chalky gravel spilled out in every direction, meeting the ink-black sky at the horizon. Above, stars shimmered, clear and vivid. A pale, cloudy marble hung suspended in the sky.

Jayce stepped forward, his foot kicking up a curl of fine white dust. He watched it rise, spiral, and vanish, entranced.

“It makes you feel so small, doesn’t it?” came a quiet voice behind him.

He turned to see Viktor standing there, leaning on his cane, eyes turned upward.

“The stars have been here longer than we can comprehend,” Viktor said softly, golden eyes reflecting the sky. “They stretch back to the beginning of time, and they’ll stretch forward long after we’re gone. Dying and reforming until the last black hole collapses, and everything goes cold and dark, and time no longer holds meaning at all.”

He looked at Jayce then, dreamy, eyelids low.

“What do we matter, in a moment so small it cannot even be compared to quarks and leptons?”

A deep ache welled in Jayce’s chest. He stepped forward and took Viktor’s hand—cold beneath his fingers—and ran his thumb over it slowly.

“Don’t you think that makes us matter more?” he asked.

Viktor’s expression softened. He reached up and brushed Jayce’s cheek.

“We’re just one part of a story,” Viktor said gently. “Fragments, coalescing into the primordial soup.”

Jayce leaned in, pressing their foreheads together.

“I do like soup,” he murmured.

Viktor chuckled softly.

“I miss you.”

“Then come to me,” Viktor said, his voice like a thread in the quiet, “and let us do this once again—as partners.”

[mysticstronomy]

WHAT WAS BEFORE THE UNIVERSE??

Blog#483

Wednesday, February 26th, 2025.

Welcome back,

How our Universe was born from nothing or if there was something that existed before it remains a mystery, but that is not stopping some physicists from trying to figure it out.

My understanding is that nothing comes from nothing. For something to exist, there must be material or a component available, and for them to be available, there must be something else available. Where did the material come from that created the Big Bang, and what happened in the first instance to create that material? – Peter, 80, Australia.

"The last star will slowly cool and fade away. With its passing, the Universe will become once more a void, without light or life or meaning." So warned the physicist Brian Cox in the recent BBC series Universe.

The fading of that last star will only be the beginning of an infinitely long, dark epoch. All matter will eventually be consumed by monstrous black holes, which in their turn will evaporate away into the dimmest glimmers of light. Space will expand ever outwards until even that dim light becomes too spread out to interact. Activity will cease.

Or will it? Strangely enough, some cosmologists believe a previous, cold dark empty universe like the one which lies in our far future could have been the source of our very own Big Bang.

But before we get to that, let's take a look at how "material" – physical matter – first came about. If we are aiming to explain the origins of stable matter made of atoms or molecules, there was certainly none of that around at the Big Bang, nor for hundreds of thousands of years afterwards.

We do, in fact, have a pretty detailed understanding of how the first atoms formed out of simpler particles, once conditions cooled down enough for complex matter to be stable, and how these atoms were later fused into heavier elements inside stars. But that understanding doesn't address the question of whether something came from nothing.

So let's think further back. The first long-lived matter particles of any kind were protons and neutrons, which together make up the atomic nucleus. These came into existence around one ten-thousandth of a second after the Big Bang.

Before that point, there was really no material in any familiar sense of the word. But physics lets us keep on tracing the timeline backwards – to physical processes which predate any stable matter.

This takes us to the so-called "grand unified epoch". By now, we are well into the realm of speculative physics, as we can't produce enough energy in our experiments to probe the sort of processes that were going on at the time. But a plausible hypothesis is that the physical world was made up of a soup of short-lived elementary particles, including quarks, the building blocks of protons and neutrons.

There was both matter and "antimatter" in roughly equal quantities. Each type of matter particle, such as the quark, has an antimatter "mirror image" companion, which is near identical to itself, differing only in one aspect. However, matter and antimatter annihilate in a flash of energy when they meet, meaning these particles were constantly created and destroyed.

But how did these particles come to exist in the first place?

Quantum field theory tells us that even a vacuum, supposedly corresponding to empty spacetime, is full of physical activity in the form of energy fluctuations. These fluctuations can give rise to particles popping out, only to disappear shortly after. This may sound like a mathematical quirk rather than real physics, but such particles have been spotted in countless experiments.

The spacetime vacuum state is seething with particles constantly being created and destroyed, apparently "out of nothing". But perhaps all this really tells us is that the quantum vacuum is (despite its name) a something rather than a nothing. The philosopher David Albert has memorably criticised accounts of the Big Bang which promise to get something from nothing in this way.

Originally published on https://www.bbc.com

COMING UP!!

(Saturday, March 1st, 2025)

"WHY IS MARS RED??"

[concreteafterrain]

Reumaclysm

Order has weight. Each atom is a marble on rubber sheeting, every chemical bond, a chain between them. A tree, structured lignin and cellulose, is a divot in some universal fabric. As the great Pillars of Creation nurse nuclear gravity wells, so to do they develop craters in the taut fabric of background entropy.

History can be measured as a series of weights. From the first entropic soup, quarks mate, and weights drop into being. Scale and Time emerge, and matter attenuates into threads of galaxies of stars and orbits of planets. The crust of the globe, itself a deformation, cools and cracks, drops chains of order between entropy wells while it forms mountains. The first cell is a splash of complexity, order in new form, and the pit is drilled deeper with the advent of the nucleus.

Complexity begins to eat itself — merging, becoming more becoming mitochondrial and multicellular. Each new lifeform is a sink, each cycle of death and decay a release. A lizard’s brain, a hand, a frontal lobe, a tentacle — each sit heavy on our so-flexible universe.

The heaviest weights, though, are cast with a new species, and their new invention. Human ideas make information, and spell pits like inverted spires. Each time a signifier is etched, carved, painted, drawn — blown onto the surface of the earth, a titanium bearing falls. Worse, human order collects itself. Libraries and corpuses, scrolls upon scrolls, are an open-pit mine; a great whirlpool swirling roads and cities around it, heavy with language, food, and advertisement. The planet sinks ever deeper into the universe.

But humans are greedy. Paper and Leaves are no longer sufficient. We must encode deeper, weave order into electrons, carve information into the microscopic sphere. Bits, ideas at once incredibly dense and fundamentally simple, are new spikes, even shaper, on the entropic plane. This is the crest of our age. This is our babelian folly.

Imagine, now, the massive weight of a data center. Imagine the pit it digs in entropy. Watch the wake hyper-compact USB drives and microSD cards make, carried in pockets and on trains. Can you see the way the world pulses? The way it spreads, imposing informational order on cables and wires, under water, through waves on every spectrum and in the air itself. Imagine the scale of information, moribund and unsated with the endeavors of a single species. Remember the course of history: How much heavier will it be? How long untill we punch a hole?

[spocks-husband]

Why did Odo just have a three day fuck party with the soup bitch. I'm just as mad as Quark is.

[okaima]

Karelian words - Traditional foods prt. 4

Čupoi, čupukka - thin "pancake" made from barley or oat flour. Porridge is spread over and then the pancake is folded into triangle to eat.

Kringeli - bagel shaped ring made from yeasted wheat dough, cooked by boiling in salt water and then baked soft in oven

Maidopotakka, kartohkamaido - boiled, partially mashed potatoes eaten in hot or cold milk. Very typical lunch.

Moarjakiiseli - sweet mixed berry soup thickened with flour or potato starch. Very classic snack typically eaten cold in hot summers and hot in cold winters.

Prossapudro, šonapudro - millet porridge cooked in oven. It becomes very thick and can be sliced when cold. Hot milk is often poured over the slices.

Prossahuttu, šonahuttu - thinner millet porridge typically eaten without milk. Popularly topped with soured cabbage (hapankapusta)

Pyöröi - an open hand pie made from soured rye or mixture of soured rye and wheat flour dough. The middle is filled with mashed potato, pear barley porridge or kama flour porridge

Sakuska - can mean any snack, but often specifically used to refer virmukka style "bagels" that have been topped with sugar

Suloi, sulo, imelä - malted, sweet rye "porridge", very similar to Finnish mämmi. It is typically eaten with cream, milk or berry soup

Vatruška - s sweet open hand pie made from wheat flour, butter, sugar, milk and yeast and which center is filled with sweetened quark or semolina porridge. Occasionally berries like raspberries, bilberries or lingonberries are also added on top.

Virmukka - a bagel shaped, mildly sweet ring made from wheat flour, water, salt and egg and cooked first in sugar water, then baked in oven until crispy. It is popular snack with tea or coffee, as well as spring celebrations when they are worn around the neck in string

[bootleg-nessie]

Band names/album titles I came up with while high

Band names

Shoot the Messenger

Dead Horse Kickers

Johnny Flightrisk and the Terrorists

Worst Case Scenario

Meat Cute

Chasing Dragons

Masters of the Algorithm

Bo Placebo and the Totally Real Drugs

Primordial Soup

Antarctic Flowers

The Would/Should Dissonance

Human Zoo

Modern Mummification

Panic at the Mechanic

Leadbrain

Something Fictional

Hammerspace

Toddlers With Guns

Weird Phenotype

Jurassic Quark

Cocaine Monkey

Mall Sharks

Rabbits Hate Cigarettes

The Council of Benjamins

Major Mutation

Fragile Connection

Airplane Daydream

Crucified Child

Album titles

Sects and Violins

Vague Threats and Soft Drugs

Oranges and Hand Grenades

Fluoride Stare

Chlorine in the Gene Pool

Jumping Bridge

The Echo of the Void

Nice Weather for a Funeral

The Smell of Radio

Concrete Fields

Treehouse on the Moon

Shattered Illusions

Unheard Whispers

Dancing With Shadows

Fighting Fire in Hell

Strange Matter

Mad Strings

Vyvanse Trance

Auditory Delusions

The American Nightmare

[thats-preposterous]

I saw a poll about superior breakfast foods and this poll was so American i decided to make my own but Polish (if it's too regional or too personal I'm sorry in advance) so it's just as incomprehensible and unrelatable to people from other cultures as American-centric polls usually are to me LETS GO

A couple of disclaimers :

Disclaimer 1: most of these are elements of breakfast not full breakfast meals. Meats and eggs are usually paired with sourdough bread or rolls, and vegetables: most often fresh or pickled cucumbers, chives or green onion, radish, and tomatoes (usually in summer cause in winter they taste like cardboard).

Disclaimer 2: These are the foods me and my girlfriend from kinda poor families in the South of Poland remember eating growing up in early 2000s. So if your experiences of Polish breakfast are different uhhh I'm sorry?

Disclaimer 3: Never trust articles in English about Polish breakfast foods because they're either complete bullshit or just Polish dishes that would fit an American idea of breakfast: pancakes and potato pancakes or apple fritters are dinner foods here. So are zapiekanki, any kinds of soups (excluding zupa mleczna which was too weird for me to include cause no one ate it out of free will) and stews.

[pykxz]

hi.

you're on a rock floating in space.

pretty cool, huh?

some of it's water.

fuck it, actually most of it's water.

i can't even get from here to there without buying a boat.

it's sad.

i'm sad.

i miss you.

how did this happen?

a long time ago, actually never, and also now, nothing is nowhere.

when?

never.

makes sense, right?

like i said, it didn't happen.

nothing was never anywhere.

that's why it's been everywhere.

it's been so everywhere you don't need a where.

you don't even need a when.

that's how every it gets.

forget this.

i wanna be something.

go somewhere.

do something.

i want things to change.

i want to invent time and space.

and i know it's possible because everything is here and it probably already happened.

i just don't know when to start.

and that's exactly where it started.

whoah, i paused it.

i think there's a universe now.

what's it made of?

quarks & stuff

ah, that's a thing.

in a place.

don't like it?

try a new place.

at a different time™.

try to stick together, because the world is gonna get bigger.

and emptier.

but it's not empty yet.

it's still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees.

great news!

the quarks are now happily married, in groups of three called a proton or a neutron

and there's something else flying around too that wants to join in but can't cause it's still too

HOT great news!

the protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other.

and some of them even doubled up.

great news, the electrons have now joined in

congratulations, the world is now a bunch of gas in space.

but it's getting closer together.

and it's getting closer together.

and it's getting closer toge-

it's a star

new shit just got made!

some stars burn out and die.

bigger stars burn out and die with passion, and make some brand new, way crazier shit.

space dust

which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into

even crazier space dust

so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things.

like this ball of flaming rocks for example.

holy shit, we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks.

and it kind of made a mess.

which is

now the moon

weather update:

it's raining rocks from outer space.

weather update:

those rocks might have had water inside them, and now there's hot steam in the sky.

weather update:

cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava.

weather update:

it's raining.

severe flooding alert:

the entire world is now an ocean.

volcano alert:

that's land!

there's life in the ocean

what?

something's alive in the ocean

oh cool, like a plant or an animal?

no, a microscopic speck.

it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup, which is being served hot and fresh, made from gnarly space ingredients left over from when it was raining rocks or whatever.

oh yeah, and it can do that.

it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself.

so that's pretty nifty, i would say.

tired of living at the bottom of the ocean?

now you can eat sunlight!

using a revolutionary technique, you can convert sunlight into food

taste the sun

side effect: now there's oxygen everywhere and the sky's blue.

then the earth might have been a snowball for a while, maybe even a couple of times.

it's a sponge.

it's a plant.

it's a worm, and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish.

it's the Cambrian explosion

"wow, that's animals and stuff"

but we're still in the ocean, hey, can we go on land?

no

why?

the sun is a deadly lazer

oh okay.

not anymore, there's a blanket

now the animals can go on land.

come on, animals, let's go on land!

nope, can't walk yet.

and there's no food yet, so i don't care.

ok, will you learn to walk if there's plants up here?

maybe, said some bugs, and fish.

ok, so i can go on land, but i have to go back in the water to

have babies

learn to use an egg.

i was already doing that.

use a stronger egg.

put water in it.

have a baby, on land, in an egg.

water is in the egg.

baby, in the egg, in the water, in the egg.

works for me.

bye bye ocean

and now everything's huge.

including bugs.

wanna see a map of the land?

sure.

oh fuck, now everything's dead.

just kidding, here are the survivors.

keep your eye on this one because it's about to become the dinosaurs.

here's another map of the land.

yeah, it broke apart, don't worry about it, it does that all the time.

here comes a meteor.

and the dinosaurs are gone

it's mammal time, here come the mammals.

look at those breasts.

now they're gonna dominate the world and one of them just learned how to grab stuff.

and walk.

no, like, walk like that.

and grab stuff at the same time.

and bang rocks together to make pointed rocks.

"ouch"

and set things on fire.

"yeouch"

and make crazy sounds with their voice.

"gneurshk"

which can mean different things.

that's a human person

and now they're everywhere.

almost.

ice age

what, you can walk over here?

cool.

not anymore

well i guess we're stuck here now.

let's review.

there's people on the planet.

and they're chasing their food.

fuck it, time to plant some grass.

look at this.

i control the food now.

now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me.

let's all build houses except mine is bigger because i own the food.

this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this.

tired of using rocks for everything?

use metal.

it's underground.

better farming was just invented, in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers.

and the animals are helping.

guess what happens next

more food.

and more people who came to buy the food.

now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales.

and now you need houses for people to live in and people to make the houses, and now there's more people and they invent things, which makes things better and more people come and there's more farming and more people to make more things for more people and now there's business, money, writing, laws, power.

Society

coming soon to a dank river valley near you.

meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed.

why is all my metal so lame and lumpy?

tired of using lame, sad metal?

introducing

Bronze

made with special ingredient tin from the far lands of tin land.

i don't know, my dealer won't tell me where he gets it.

also, guess what?

egypt

meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse.

now we're getting somewhere.

also

china

and did i mention

indus river valley civilization

norte chico

the middle east is getting more complicated, maybe because it's in the middle of the east.

knock knock, er, clop clop.

it's the people with the horses.

and they made an empire.

and then everyone else copied their horses.

greeks

ah look, it must be the greeks, er, a beta version of the greeks.

let's check in with the indus river valley civilization.

they're gone.

guess who's not gone?

china

new arrivals in india, maybe it's those horse people i was talking about, or their cousins or something

and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff

you could make a religion out of this.

there's the bronze age collapse.

now the phoenicians can get down to business

also, can we switch to a metal that's a little easier to find?

thanks.

look who came back to israel, it's the twelve tribes of israel.

and they believe in God

just 1 though, he's got like a ten step program.

here's some huge heads.

must be the olmecs.

the phoenicians make some colonies.

the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies.

the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies.

here comes the assyrian empire.

never mind, it's the babylonian- median-

it's the Persian Empire

"wow, that's big"

ah, the buddha was just enlightened.

who's the buddha?

this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we're all dying.

you could make a religion out of this.

oops, china just broke, but while it was breaking, confucius was figuring out how to have good morals.

ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff.

and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire.

it's a great idea.

he was great.

and now he's dead.

hopefully the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them.

knock knock, it's chandragupta, he says get the hell out of here.

will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants?

ok thanks, bye

time to conquer all of india

or

most of india

but what about this part?

that's the tamil kings, no one conquers the tamil kings.

who are the tamil kings?

merchants, probably

and they've got spices

who would like to buy the spices?

me, said the arabians, swiftly buying it and selling it to the rest of the world.

hey, china put itself back together again, with good morals as their main philosophy.

actually, they have three main philosophies.

out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city.

let's check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms.

greekification overload!

bye, said the parthians.

bye, said the jews.

hi, said the parthians, taking over the entire place.

heyyyyyyyy, said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast.

thanks for invading our homeland, said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland.

hi, everything's great, said some guy who seems to be getting very popular and is then arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular.

you could make a religion out of this.

want silk?

now you can buy it from china.

they just made a

brand new road to the world

or you can

get there on water

sick! new trade routes! said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast.

hmm, that's a good place for an epic trading kingdom.

there goes buddhism traveling up the silk road.

i wonder if it'll reach china before it collapses again.

remember the persian empire?

yep, said the persians, making a new one.

axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick.

has anyone populated madagascar yet?

let's do it together.

china is whole again

then it broke again

still can't cross the sahara desert?

try camels.

hell yeah! now we've got business

said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold, and slaves

hi, i live in the roman empire, and i was wondering

is loving jesus legal yet?

no.

actually, ok, sure, said constantine, moving the capital way over here to be closer to his

main rival

don't worry about rome, it won't fall.

it's the golden age of india

there's the gupta empire, not chandragupta, just gupta.

first name chandra.

the first.

guess who's in rome?

barbarians

what's a barbarian?

non-romans, said the romans, being invaded by non-romans.

r.i.p., roman empire, er, actually just half of it, the other half is just fine, but it's not in rome anymore so let's give it a new name.

the mayans have figured out the stars

oh and here's a huge city, population: everyone

the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe.

great job, göktürks.

how's india?

broken.

how's china?

back together

how's those trading kingdoms?

bigger, and there's more of them

korea has 3 kingdoms.

japan has a kingdom, it's the sunrise kingdom.

deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammed's ear.

so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods and he tells them their gods are all fake.

and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town.

you could make a religion out of this.

and maybe conquer the world as well.

the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope.

plus there's

new kingdoms all over europe

i wonder if there's room for moors.

here's all the wisdom.

in a house.

it's the baghdad house of wisdom.

just in time for the

islamic golden age

let's bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast, said the swahili on the swahili coast.

remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there?

someone owns that now.

wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere?

the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas.

surprise! you're the new roman emperor, said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire.

then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not france.

but the northerners, or just norse if you don't have much time, are exploring.

they go north, from the north to the northern north.

and they find some land.

two types of land.

and they name them accordingly.

they also invade some other places, and get called many names, such as vikings.

there's the rus.

the kievan rus.

are they vikings?

i don't think so, said the kievan rus.

ok, fair enough.

the pope is ready to make some more emperors.

of the "roman empire".

the holy roman empire.

it's actually germany but don't worry about it.

new kingdoms.

christianize all the kingdoms

which brand would you like?

mine's better.

mine's better.

mine's better.

time to conquer england, said william.

it's a bird, it's a plane

it's the seljuk turks

aah! said the byzantine empire who's getting so small and almost doesn't exist anymore.

we need help!

they need help, so they call the pope.

hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks?

maybe take back the holy land on the way?

come on, i know you want to take back the holy land.

yes, i do actually want to do that.

let's do a crusade.

crusade

they did many crusades, some of which almost didn't fail.

but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals.

goodbye mayans.

hello toltecs

goodbye toltecs.

hello mississippi

look at those mounds.

there's the pueblo.

i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff.

guess who's here?

khmer.

where?

here.

and pagan is there.

vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government.

china just invented bombs, and typing.

and the mongols just invaded most of the universe.

nice going, Genghis!

i bet that will last a long time.

some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india.

is it tonga time?

i think it's tonga time.

i just found out where the swahili gets all their gold.

look at this chad.

means "lake".

there's an empire there.

right in the middle of

Africa

the king of mali is so rich he's going on tour to let everyone know.

wow, that guy's rich, everyone said.

the christians are doing a great job reconquering iberia, which will soon be called spain and not spain.

please remain christian.

we will check in later to see if you're still christian when you least expect.

whoops, half of europe just died.

ming

china's back, yay!

hey khmer, time to share.

new kingdoms here and there.

oh, look who controls all the islands.

it's the mahajapit.

majahapit.

mapajahit.

mahapajit.

mapajahit.

majapahit?

oh, italy's really rich, time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics.

it's kinda like a rebirth.

here's a printer.

let's make books.

so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire?

yep, said the ottoman turks.

nice job, ottoman turks.

whoops, you missed a spot.

don't forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade.

what? that's bullshit, said portugal, spiceless.

well i guess we'll have to find another way to india

wait! said christopher columbus, probably smoking crack.

if the world is round, let's go this way to india.

nah, don't worry, we already got this, said portugal.

so chris goes to spain.

hey spain, wanna hire me to find india by going around back of the world?

no.

please?

no.

please?

no.

please?

ok.

so he sails into the ocean.

and discovers more ocean.

and then discovers the indies.

and japan.

let's draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world.

the aztec and inca empires are off to a great start.

i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent?

the habsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other.

move over lithuania, here comes moscow.

ivan wants to make russia great again.

move over timurids, maybe go invade india or something.

persia just made persia persian again.

let's make it the other kind of islam.

the one where we thought the first guy should have been the other guy.

hey christians!

do you sin?

now you can buy your way out of hell.

that's bullshit.

this whole thing is bullshit.

that's a scam.

fuck the church.

here's 95 reasons why, said martin luther, in his new book, which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation.

you know what would be magnificent, said suleiman, wearing an onion hat?

what if the ottoman empire was really big?

which it is now.

what if russia was big? said ivan, trying not to be terrible.

portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade.

and then that dream was real.

and spain realized that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway.

damn, said england and france.

we gotta start pillaging some stuff.

then the dutch revolt and all the hipsters move to amsterdam.

damn, said amsterdam.

we gotta start pillaging some stuff.

question 1: can you get to india through north america?

no, but at least there's beaver.

question 2: steal the spice trade.

that's not a question, but the dutch did it anyway.

sugar

guess where all the sugar's made?

in brazil.

stolen

and the caribbean.

and it's so god damn profitable you might forget to not do slavery.

the next thing on russia's to-do list is to get bigger.

britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world.

more specifically, ohio.

then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who's boss.

but what about britain and france, did they figure out who's boss?

yes they did.

it's britain.

guess who's broke?

also britain.

so they start taxing the hell out of america.

fuck you, says america, declaring their independence, and fighting for it.

and france helps them win, now france is broke.

and britain'll have to send their prisoners to a different continent.

wait, if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses?

let's overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off! said robespierre, cutting everybody's head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off.

you could make a reli- no, don't.

haiti is staring to like the idea of a revolution.

especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters.

why didn't we think of this before?

wait, who's in charge of france now?

me

said napoleon, trying to take over europe.

luckily, they banished him to an island.

but he came back

luckily, they banished him to another island.

there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin american wars of independence.

britain just figured out how to turn steam into power.

so now they can make

many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast

then they invent some trains.

and conquer india and maybe put some trains there.

hey, china! said britain.

buy stuff from us!

nah dude, we already got everything, says china.

so britain tried to get them addicted to opium.

which worked, actually.

but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea.

so britain threw a hissy fit, and made them open up five cities and give them an island.

britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering afghanistan.

also, the

sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now

"that's just where he lives"

india just had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now.

nope, said britain, governing them even harder than before.

technology is about to go crazy

the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad.

it's bad, they decided.

and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land and maybe kick out the mexicans too.

i know, let's rape africa, said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest.

they never got ethiopia

britain and france are still hungry.

they never got thailand

the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they're looking for more.

hawaii

cuba

wait, spain controls cuba.

well, blame something on them and go to war!

what should we blame on spain?

let's blame the maine on spain.

so they blame the maine on spain.

now we're in business.

to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans.

britain just found oil in the middle east.

it makes cars go

china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new, stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government.

europe hasn't had a war since the last war.

so they start world war 1.

look at those guns.

it's gonna be a great war.

so great we won't need a second one.

after it's over, they blame germany.

russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government.

now everyone's paycheck is the same.

communism

in the soviet union

the arabs revolt and britain helps.

now the ottoman empire's gone so we can give the

jewish people a place to live

hopefully the arabs won't mind.

let's cut the cake, said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore empire.

except turkey, turkey makes a brand new turkey

and then the saudis conquer arabia.

it just seemed like the right thing to do.

hello?

yes, it's the 1920's calling.

let's get in the car and drive to a party and listen to jazz on the radio and go to the movies.

the economy's great and it'll probably be great forever, just kidding.

germany's back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model.

and he's mad at the jews for existing.

japan is finally conquering the east, and they're so excited they rape nanking way too hard.

they should probably just deny it.

hitler's out of control.

so the international community tackles him and then tries to explain why killing all the jews is a bad idea.

but he kills himself before they could explain it to him.

that's world war 2

bonus round!

pacific showdown.

united states vs. japan.

fight!

finish him

let's unite all the nations and have some

world peace

seems legit.

hi, i'm gandhi, and if britain doesn't get the hell out of india, i'm gonna starve myself in public.

wow, that worked?

bonus, now there's pakistan.

actually two pakistans.

one of them can be bangladesh later.

the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land.

me, they both said at the same time.

let's divide up the land so everyone's happy.

sike, they both get angrier

look out china, there's a new china in china.

what's on the menu?

communism!

no thanks, said the other china, escaping to an island.

i wonder which one is the real china?

there's the korean war, korea versus korea.

nobody wins, then it's on pause forever.

let's meet the sponsors.

oh, it's the two global superpowers.

they're having a friendly debate over which economic system is good, and which one is an evil virus of Satan.

and they both have atom bombs.

fight!

wait, no, that would be the end of the world.

let's just keep it cool and spy on each other instead.

and make sure we have enough atom bombs.

i'll race you to space.

now let's make some more countries fight themselves.

europe is tired of pillaging other continents, so the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged.

so here's a new map, with new countries.

now you can't tell who they're being pillaged by.

the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad.

they decided it's bad, and the world agrees.

south africa might need another minute to think about it.

let's check the world population.

whoa.

okay.

technology's better too, that might keep happening.

the soviet union decides to relax a little, and accidentally falls apart.

europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money, except britain, because they don't feel like it.

let's check the mail.

surprise, it's on the computer.

whoops, someone just attacked america.

i bet they'll remember that.

phone call.

surprise, it's in your pocket.

wanna learn everything?

surprise, it's on the computer.

now your phone's a computer, which is in your pocket.

whoops, the economy just crashed.

don't worry, the big banks won't fail because they're not supposed to.

surprise!

flying robots.

with bombs.

wanna print a brain?

some people have no friends.

some people have no food.

the globe is warming

and the ocean is full of plastic

let's save the planet! said everybody, not knowing how.

let's invent a thing inventor, said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor.

that's pretty cool.

by the way, where the hell are we?

[martini-minx-ana-2]

🎀 what I ate today🎀

Breakfast: protein shake 133

Black coffee 0

Lunch: instant cappuccino 47

Dr Pepper Zero 2

Dinner: tomato soup 157

2x slices of toast 160

Diet Coke 1

Snack: raspberry flavoured quark 83

Water: 2050ml

Exercise: 35 min walk

Calories burned: 1821

Deficit: 583 - 1821 =-1,238

Had the best day at work today- it’s world book day so I dressed up as a lion for a song and story session with the kids. Some of then were in costume too, so cute! :)

I’m a bit worried about tomorrow- there’s a big birthday night out for a bunch of people in our friend group. I’m working Saturday so that gives me an excuse to not drink much, I’m just worried that I’ll need to eat beforehand. I don’t like planning too much anymore coz the calorie noise in my head gets too loud :(

[monster4monster-bracket]

Propaganda under the cut

Quark/Grillka - Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

No submitted propaganda

Yeto/Yeta - The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Yeto is a large yeti who likes fishing, forgetting his inside voice, and making soup. What does he love? HIS WIFE! Yeta is a sickly yeti who finds herself worshipping a cursed mirror shard. What does she love? HER HUSBAND! These two are the entire narrative behind the ice manor, as Link tries to get into the bedroom but ends up just finding a bunch of soup ingredients (it’s good soup though). Yeta ends up transforming into the boss, but once she’s beaten, Yeto tosses Link aside to check on her. He says she doesn’t need the mirror shard to see how pretty she is, as she can see herself in the reflection of his eyes. Once a boss is beaten, they’ll drop a heart container for Link. Yeta doesn’t do that, and instead she and Yeto spawn one themselves (as well as dozens of smaller recovery hearts) by embracing each other. Couple goals for real.

[slimmagma]

"Quarks unite into primary particles. Primary particles unite in atoms. Atoms unite in molecules. Molecules unite in proteins. Proteins unite in cells. Cells unite in organs. Organs unite in organisms. Then, for organisms to unite into societies, all need to do their part. Therefore what we live in isn't a society, it is a soup of individuals with no organization."