#quoting rick and morty

[uptolovegood]

barty: i wonder what it takes to please you. that’s the job i want. part time, full time. i want to be good at it, bad at it. i want to get promoted, fired, corner office, hostile takeover, workplace accident. i’m on my knees, praying, worshipping, begging, whatever you want. what do you think about that?

regulus:

regulus: you’re hired, i guess?

[incorrecttwsted]

[h4unted-d4rling]

I wanna be saaaaaaaved !!!!!!

[bingobongocheerio]

(Y/N): What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?

(Y/N): It becomes daytrogen.

Rick:

Rick: I'm going to bed.

(Y/n): Good nitrogen.

Morty: Sleep tightrogen.

Summer: Don't let the bedbugs bitrogen.

Rick: [angry screams from the garage]

(Y/n): Let's go before he comes after us.

[isurrendertoclones]

Alpha 17 after breaking cadet Fox and Cody apart: I honestly can't even tell the two of you apart half the time because I don't go by scars or numbers, I go by amount of pain in my ass, which makes you both identical.

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Fury: I can’t tell any of the Avengers apart half the time because I don’t go by height, age, or appearance. I go by who’s a pain in my ass. Which makes them all identical.

Tony: Hey! Fuck you!

Fury: Except for Stark.

Tony: Thank you.

Fury: He’s the fucking worst of them all.

[sh1ngaru]

i am but a weak man who gives into fandoms at a whim

[nykie-love-anime]

Home

Y/N: - texting Rick - Y/N: Text me when you’re home safely please - a while later - Rick: I am home dangerously Y/N: Stop it Rick: I’m home recklessly

Masterlist

[unicornblossom13]

Elita-1: Why don’t you two just #%*^ and get it over with?

Prime: Thank you for that, Elita, but I think I have a better option.

[Meanwhile, at the Decepticon’s lair]

Starscream: Geez, why don’t you two just #%*^ and get it over with?

Megatron: Careful, Starscream, you’re one remark away from being dismantled.

Starscream: All I’m saying is, I’m not the one using the war room to come up with a plan to one up my ex-boyfriend.

[irkenboy]

it’s the hardest working liver in the universe. and now it’s got a hole in it.

[deadqueerboys]

Rick: Am I weird?

M/n: Hell yeah you're weird.

Morty, whispering: Are they flirting?

Summer: I don't know!

[incorrect-losers]

Stan: I can’t tell any of the Losers apart half the time because I don’t go by height, age, or appearance. I go by who’s a pain in my ass. Which makes them all identical

Richie: Hey! Fuck you!

Stan: Except Richie

Richie: Thank you

Stan: He’s the fucking worst of them all

[smartestmammalintheuniverse]

“No one will ever know the violence it took to become this gentle.”

[h4unted-d4rling]

(Y/N): I think I’m in love with Rick.

Beth: Like… our Rick?

(Y/N): Yeah! Any thoughts?

Jerry: And prayers.

Morty: You’re gonna need them.

[bingobongocheerio]

(Y/N): Can you do me a favor?

Rick: I would literally cover up a murder you committed, plant my DNA at the crime scene, and take the blame for it if you asked me to.

(Y/N): Can you wash the dishes?

Rick: No.

[ricksanchezxmalereader]

M/n: MORTY QUICK, TAKE THIS AND GAURD IT WITH YOUR LIFE

Morty: wha- what is it M/n

M/n: it’s Ricks phone… he’s been on TikTok for over a day watching those space weasel robot things

Morty: oh no

Rick: WHERES MY FUCKING PHONE