#rkmay17eval

[rktiffxny]

                     IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER, YOU HAVE GOT TO GIVE — ♡

as much as any of them could say they expected this, none of them could truly be prepared. tiffany could only remember how relieved she’d been to know there wasn’t a prompt or theme for the month. now that should’ve tipped everyone off but it wouldn’t be the first time the company was actually giving enough to allow them a break but thinking back on it, given how rare it is, how could she have let her guard down? 

a company’s relationship with its trainees feels more like take than give and she knows better than to expect equality. it’s trainees who have to give their all, not the company and to expect them to be ready at the drop of a hat, it’s not shocking. well, it shouldn’t be. 

yet that’s what she feels. shock. a little annoyance, but most of all she’s not ready. it’s childish how she wants to feel ready for everything, how she’s tired of all these surprises as if life owes her more than that. as if life ought to be fair to her. 

a child who hasn’t learned her lesson. 

that’s what she is, what she becomes, and not a single song comes clearly to mind. 

retribution for thinking this isn’t right. it doesn’t take her long to realize this is her chance to have fun, to lighten the mood for those so anxious because of this eval, to make them smile and maybe even laugh, after everything they’ve gone through. as with the song she chose to sing for the samsung commercial filming, this isn’t as much for the trainers or staff that watch them but for her fellow trainees. 

(  yo, i'll tell you what i want, what i really, really want so tell me what you want, what you really, really want i'll tell you what i want, what i really, really want so tell me what you want, what you really, really want i wanna, i wanna, i wanna, i wanna, i wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah  )  

it’s seeing taeyeon run out that confirms her reserve to keep singing— even the most impressive of them could fall short. what bothers her most is how young some of the trainees are, how strong they want them to be when evaluations already put enough pressure on them, the need for approval and perfection. if she could’ve, she would’ve run out after taeyeon herself but there’s a nagging part of her that remembers this is still a job. singing this song is so they remember that it’s a job but for most of the trainees, it’s also their dream. 

(  if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends make it last forever, friendship never ends if you wanna be my lover, you have got to give taking is too easy, but that's the way it is ) 

[seungcheolrk]

● SPHERE MAY EVALUATION: IMPROVISE !

LOVE THERAPY ( 0:20 - 1:00 ) ★ EXY & EUNA KIM FT. ZIA ( ...AGAIN )

‘be careful what you wish for’ has never felt more appropriate. 

as he’d quickly learned at the beginning of the month, the silence about may’s evaluation had stretched further than just sphere. the absence of any information had him on edge for the first week or so and the last week or so, but the quiet in the middle had been bliss. not having to worry about a make it or break it four minutes at the end of the month meant that he had time to worry about other things; fun things like his youtube covers and rewatching ‘a new hope’ on the forty year anniversary since it’s release in the us. of course, he would focus on his performance skills, too, alongside his ‘lounging in bed with apple slices and a dvd’ skill and his ‘long, embarrassing talks with mum’ skill, but it had felt good to take a breather. 

naturally, they weren’t going to get off scot-free, and the very feeling seungcheol had pooling in his stomach for those first and last few days had been dread at what would eventually come. but, he’d promised his mother he’d do more ‘living in the moment’ (and he’d quite honestly forgotten monthly evaluations existed without sphere breathing down his neck to practice and perfect whatever he was bringing to the table). 

still, he knew he was nothing special. everyone else would be feeling the same, and from conversations he’d had (or more often, heard in passing), majority vote was ‘relieved but suspicious’. he couldn’t say he didn’t agree, honestly. 

he theorised, though, just like everyone else. are they watching our day to day behaviour? how we interact with others within and outside of our companies? are they watching our behaviour outside our training? perhaps they’re using our daily mini evaluations to gauge our progress? but the more he thought about it, the more nervous he got that he would fail, so he did his best to avoid the topic just as the staff at the company were doing also. 

may 31st rolls around more quickly than he expects, really. he’d been comfortably riding the wave of freedom for the past few weeks, practicing for his youtube covers and indulging in well-needed seungcheol time. he supposes he should’ve expected something to happen, and on some level, he does — he’s not shocked to be pulled into a theatre with the other sphere trainees and asked to perform on the spot, but it’s not like he knew it was going to happen either. 

neutral. for once, he’s neutral. 

(he does curse his father a little once he realises choi is early alphabetically, though.)

he knows that for a lot of trainees, this is only the second time they’ll see him open his mouth, and that the first time had been a slightly questionable song choice from a boy of his outward appearance, but he’s not sure whether to feel embarrassed by that fact or not. he can’t deny that it’s almost sad how little he’s socialised since he got here, but it’s not like he can help it when he feels like a nuisance to new people, especially having come into a space where everyone already had their social circles established before he arrived. he wonders what those people think of him based on that one performance and the one soon to start, but that’s too dangerous territory to delve deeper into right now. he shouldn’t dive in at the deep end minutes before he’s due to stand before them; he doesn’t want to mess this up enough to make his fears a reality. 

time isn’t of the essence as the trainee he knows is immediately before him starts their allocated minute. he has a hundred ideas swimming around in his head, but he can’t pin one, and likely won’t be able to until he’s stood up there, the pressure crushing him until he opens his mouth. what will it be? he’s forced to rap (be careful what you wish for!) but rap what? the plot line of rogue one? everything right with jar jar binks? snoop dogg’s rap parts in hangover? god, he hopes that’s not what spills out of his mouth once he gets up there. 

“choi seungcheol.” 

truth be told, it’s natural — at least after the first few seconds of him blinking blankly at the judges, expecting a cue to start, and realising he isn’t going to get one and the clock is ticking — that he hears the intro of his last youtube cover fast forward in his mind. what else would come to him first? it’s what he’s listened to the most this past month (that he can rap to, anyway); it’s all he’d practiced at home until he posted the video on the 20th. 

this isn’t so bad, after all. 

time line 연애 중 띄우고 모두 날 탐나는 듯 쳐다봐도 너 무슨 생각해? 네 손끝에 내가 닿을 때 딴 곳 보며 딴청해 넘 빠르잖아 이런 현상 우리 사이 뻔히 보여 흔한 결말 소심해 보이기 싫어 but I’m a so sick 내가 원하는 게 뭔지 다 알잖아 천천히 걷자 이 선선한 밤 넌 급한 일이라도 있나 봐 내 발걸음과 동시에 내 마음을 재촉해 하이힐 신은 것도 모르나 봐 하고 싶은 말은 못해 내 연애방식 에이 내가 예민한 거겠지 a형이라 그래 아님 또 누군갈 놓쳐버릴까 혼자 삼키는 밤

to keep time, he clicks his fingers to the beat, sways his body to the instrumental only he can hear. he doesn’t doubt that he’s a little off towards the start, having to pull something out of his back pocket with little preparation shaking his nerves ever so slightly, but as it always has been (especially when he closes his eyes briefly and pretends he’s alone), it doesn’t take long for seungcheol to lose himself in the ‘music’. 

is this cheating a little? he wonders as he comes to the slightly more vocal line, but it’s so seamlessly within the rap and so short that seungcheol breezes over it and hopes for the best. in hindsight, maybe euna kim’s rap would have been better; it didn’t have the suspicious half-rap and is a little faster in pace, but it’s too late for that now. when stood before the expectant faces of the coaches and his fellow trainees, his brain had started the song from the beginning, not the middle. (makes sense, really.)

actually, when he thinks about it, he’s not sure who he’s more scared of not impressing today — the stone faced coaches or his equally as expressionless labelmates. 

(when he thinks about it after the performance, when they’re not all watching him like hawks, he realises it’s the latter. his superiors have the power to kick him out or harden his training, but his colleagues have the power to ostracise him even more and that’s far scarier than overtime.)

closing in on freedom once more, he allows himself to look a little more animated. something he’s never understood is the wild arm gestures of underground or ‘serious’ rappers, but he can appreciate the disadvantages of standing still, too. seungcheol’s not exactly overflowing with stage presence by himself — his recent collaborations at the yeouido flower festival had proven that he truly came alive on stage when by someone’s side — but that doesn’t mean he won’t try. there’s a spring in his step as he absentmindedly shuffles, and he rounds off the last line as smoothly as he can, making sure he doesn’t instinctively leap right into the chorus. 

once silence falls over the theatre, he seeks his starting position again and bows ninety degrees. 

nice try, sphere. his performance isn’t anything to brag about, really, but he doesn’t think he’s done bad, either. he won’t stand out as anything special, but maybe this month, that’s for the best. 

playing it safe isn’t always a bad thing.

[rkcheri]

           & .  THERE’S A BOY I KNOW, HE’S THE ONE I DREAM OF .            LOOKS INTO MY EYES, TAKES ME TO THE CLOUDS ABOVE,                                     ( TELL ME IS IT REALLY LOVE )                                             HOW WILL I KNOW ?

                             5월  EVALUATION  —————— ✦ ˟  

may comes and goes, like the showers that thundered throughout april and have since faded into may -- as well as the flowers that have grown in bloom, they’ve fallen silent with each passing day. much like most of the staff, it’s like a ghost town of nerves and anticipation. when the first of may goes without their usual announcements and evaluation preparations, jihyun wills herself to stay calm.

as the first becomes the second and so easily the twenty-second, her worries fade much like the month does. she loses herself in other thing, and rather than ringing crystal-clear harmonies along muffled microphones, her fingers grow calloused and rough along plucked strings. 

so when she’s pulled from the hall, guitar in hand, jihyun fears for the worst. 

rounded up like cattle on the behind of a pick-up truck, jihyun actually feels her heart fall into the depths of her stomach. lined amongst the trainees, she peeks over jieun’s shoulder only to blanch at the sight of the panel ahead of them. 

if there was ever a moment to come unprepared, jihyun wished it hadn’t been this one. 

( the slightest ache rings in her ears, an undeniable sting against her fingertips -- mouth painstakingly dry ; she was definitely not prepared )

it goes without saying that, without the heads up, jihyun hadn’t practiced today -- she hadn’t even had the chance to warm up, which, for jihyun, was her ultimate downfall. there was no way she’d make it through this evaluation unscathed. and as confident as she usually was in her vocals, there’s a clear distinction stricken along her spine.

the sickly-straight posture, curled fists and fidgeting feet were far too obvious to be overlooked. 

as everyone takes their turn, one by one, performing to their utmost capable of abilities, jihyun feels herself grow faint; lips chapped, the swipe of a nervous appendage doing nothing to ail them. 

it isn’t until the unmistakable, “lee jihyun --” is called, that she rises; the first of many times that she untangles her fingers from their fists to push dark tendrils behind her; feigning whatever bit of confidence she could muster in that moment to flaunt to the coaches, the staff, to so jisub. all of whom gazed upon her, unreadable and strong like an iron wall. 

her fingers curl once more as she fights the nerves that tickle the nape of her neck; nails digging painful crescents into pale palms. she recites a tale she’s done for almost four years now; “i’m lee jihyun,” she bows her head, like she’s done for many months too many, before dark hues fly through those of the judges, towards the farthest corner. the darkest little indent in the back of the room where the nerves could no longer reach her ( at least, she hoped, they couldn’t ).

“i’ll be singing how will i know by whitney houston.” if she couldn’t sing her last month, she might as well do her this month -- it was the only few melodies jihyun could remember on short notice. 

she realizes upon first breath, she probably should have tried to run the lyrics in her head before she spoke, because here she is, first breath given and left on a stand-still. what were the words?

panic has yet to set in, it’s a slow, inevitable death -- she thinks as she watches their stares harden, and it isn’t until she hears one of the coaches clearing their throats,

“you can begin, jihyun-ssi.” that she realizes, she’s yet to even start. 

her own gaze wavers, nails dig deeper into her palms, an uneasy smile rising to an uncomfortable facade. “i’m sorry, of course.” fingers uncurl from their firsts once more to tangle again, tightening as her eyes blur and she’s fading eyelids closed; she breathes heavily through her nose and once, slowly pass her lips.

    OOOH -- HOW WILL I KNOW?     IF HE REALLY LOVES ME,      I SAY A PRAYER, WITH EVERY -- HEART BEAT. 

she begins, slowly reciting the words in even breath, steady beat. jihyun can only hope that the melody is fitting between the words, sung along the lines; desperately clutching for a life boat to save her from the mess that was her slowly succumbing to panic. she can hear the way her breath is falling much too quickly between the notes, how raspy her voice was becoming from the lack of practice she’d down that day.

     FALLING IN LOVE -- IT’S ALL BITTERSWEET.

somehow the words fit, and it’s the slightest bit of warmth that fills her. it makes her think of better things, keeps her mind the slightest bit away from how absolutely hard this song was to sing. it has her second-guessing her choice the moment the high notes begin and she’s out of her league. because without practice, fitting no longer mattered, not when the way they executed was trailing further and further away from excellence. she’s breathier than usual, her voice off a few notes, much more sharp than what it should have been. and it’s further from her control as she watches pens quickly dabble against white pages, turned and once more inked. 

she fears the worst, once more.

          IF HE LOVES ME, IF HE LOVES ME NOT.     HEY, HOW WILL I KNOW?

if her ultimate demise that day was fearing the worst to come, perhaps, she should have seen it coming. perhaps, if she had steered clear of sky-reaching high notes and beautiful runs, she wouldn’t have had to fear so much.

          ✦ ˟   —————— HOW WILL I, HOW WILL I,  — HOW WILL I KNOW ,                                           HOW WILL I KNOW?

but as her last note comes much too messily, runs wildly away from her as her last breath escapes her, and the note breaks; she feels her nerves collapse and her heart stop. 

if she had feared the worst, no longer did she have to -- because the worst have finally appeared.

[rkohsehun]

sphere: may 2017 evaluations reference: 0:32 - 1:13

To say that he was beyond surprised would be an understatement, but as the seconds tick by, the previous confusion was quickly replaced by nervousness, and not long after, panic. It was the worse time to have your brain blank out on you, really, but he guesses in a situation like this it was inevitable - and he was obviously not alone in his mini mental breakdown. For a moment, he’s glad that he’s a little behind the alphabet, but with how fast their plowing through all the names, it was getting harder to think about anything let alone try and figure out what they’re going to do. The fact that he’s a little low on steam when it comes to free styling isn’t helping him much either. He visibly shudders at the thought.

Everything was basically a blank slate, the truth waiting to jump out at them at the least expected moment. His mind runs a mile a minute, unable to keep up with his line of thoughts. He hated this, having to rush everything. The fact that that they hadn’t mentioned what song they will need to perform wasn’t helping. It feels like he’s doing this to survive more than anything else and it irks him a little, but he really didn’t have ample time to dwell on it. Instead, he looks at it as a way to improve on his freestyling. With a sigh, he decides to go and stick with something he thinks he’s best at (and most comfortable with) - hip hop.

Not a second later, he hears his name being called and he steps forward, a polite greeting before he chooses dancing. It was his strongest skill, after all, but it doesn’t mean he wasn’t nervous. He had nothing up his sleeves this time, no practiced steps to run through his memories and it took all of his will power not to panic on the spot.

With a deep breath, Bruno Mars’ voice reaches his ears and bounced off the walls. It wasn’t long before the beat of the song had him moving, taking advantage of the fact that the song had a nice groove and anything could practically go with it. He chooses sharp and fast movements though, keeping track of the rhythm so he could throw in a few pop and locks to keep things interesting, but not forgetting to maintain the fun the song originally had. He literally only had seconds to prove himself today, after all.

Sehun’s hips and legs are his base for this routine, pulling up everything he’s learned through the years - weeks of training and years of passion for dancing bleeding through his every move. There’s a lot more discipline in his execution this time around, thanks to all those exhausting training - his lines are much more defined, his pops and locks a lot more precise. For a brief moment he’s reminded of why he had fallen in love with dancing in the first place, and he tries his best to get that message across.

The thought tugs at the corners of his mouth, a small smile stretching on his lips just as he fans himself, keeping his movements big as a transition for the bridge where he keeps up with the fast tempo, enjoying every millisecond of this impromptu performance. When his mind went blank he goes freestyle, doing anything that first pops into mind. He wouldn’t have done something like this before, and at the back of his mind he’s glad that he’s somewhat able to do so. He’s a little out of breath from the strain. His minute was up, but the smile stays on his lips.

[rkjieqiong-blog]

                                                                 give me some !   ♬   #rkmay17eval

                                         boy this all for you just walk my way                                          just tell me how it's looking babe                                          just tell me how it's looking babe                                                        

                                                               ♥           (  0:04 - 1:05  &  look  ) 

“relax jie, i’m sure it’s nothing.” despite her friend’s words, it did nothing to ease her nerves. evaluations were usually brought up by this point, giving the trainees time to prepare for their performances and gather partners if needed. but nothing. and that did not settle well with her. “but what if they do something crazy?” she spoke in hushed tones, afraid one of the passing staff members would hear her. but her friend just sighed before patting her head. “we’re all crazy here, honey.”

apparently they are. 

jieqiong couldn’t help but chew her lip as sphere trainees were sorted off from the rest - watching with curious eyes as the other trainees do the same. “do you know what’s going on?” she whispers to the other sphere trainee in front of her. her answer is met with a shake of the head before they’re continuing on with whatever and jieqiong pouts in response. what was going on? 

when finally arrive at the stage, the trainee feels herself relax a bit. may evaluations, that’s all. for a moment, she considered the fact that they were all in trouble. but clearly it was just a little surprise for them - a wrench thrown into their daily routines, something the girl didn’t find all that bothering. it was something interesting definitely a relief and not an impending stress. 

immediatley, she began forming basic choreography in her head - listening to the songs they were playing for the others and taking notes on the other performances ( a pro to being last ). but unfortunately for the last performer, that meant all eyes would be on them. she needed to do well.

the trainee carried herself to the stage confidently when her name was called, zhou jieqiong echoing throughout the theater before the soft steps of her shoes padded towards center stage. she bowed to the panel of judges before taking a deep breath - shaking out her limbs before settling into a natural standing position. 

the short intro of ❝  yonce  ❞ began and jieqiong immediately threw herself into the mood of the song, head lazily rolling once as she allowed a slight smirk to appear on her lips. "gimme some!” she raised her hand as she motioned towards the panel - keeping eye contact with a few members of the panel as she slowly begins descending to the floor.

jieqiong was glad to be able to show a new side to herself - showing sphere that she could do a dance with more of a mature side ( well, at least for her ). she couldn’t help but feel newfound confidence in this stage as her body began blending itself in with the beats of the song. although she was certainly lacking in some areas, she was happy she could show this side of herself.

♪ ~ see me up in the club with fifty-eleven girls posted in the back, diamond fangs in my grill brooklyn brim with my eyes sitting low every boy in here with me got that smoke ~ ♪

it wasn’t a jieqiong performance if she didn’t throw in a wink somewhere. so she winked at baek jiyoung ( she didn’t know where the courage to do that came from. actually, she did - they accidentally made eyecontact and the trainee just went with it ) as she rose back to a standing position. she bounced slightly on her feet before swinging herself into the next counts, the side of her hand sliding across her forehead and her eyes scanning the panel ‘up and down’ before moving on.

♪ ~ every boy in here with me got that smoke every girl in here got to look me up and down all on instagram, cake by the pound circulate the image every time i come around g's up, tell me how i'm looking babe ~ ♪

once again, she was surprised how fast her performance was coming to an end. her mind was still racing to place new choreography and movements but she was lucky to be familiar with the song ( mentally thanking herself for being obsessed with queen b no doubt ). she couldn’t imagine going into this without having heard the song before - the thought alone made her anxious. she still had a long way to go before she got to that point. but she needed to worry about doing her best now instead of what was to come. 

♪ ~ boy this all for you just walk my way just tell me how it's looking babe just tell me how it's looking babe (how it's looking babe) i do this all for you baby just take aim  ~ ♪

when time was up and all trainees had officially finished, jieqiong returned back to her schedule with a racing heart and energy to last her the rest of the day. they had never done anything like this since her becoming a sphere trainee and she was anticipating what was to come next.

[rksunyoung]

I’M SO FRUSTRATED, GOING CRAZY I DON’T KNOW WHY THIS IS HAPPENING I’LL GATHER UP MY COURAGE ONCE MORE AND  ----------    SEND YOU A SIGN, SEND YOU A SIGNAL!

                         may evaluations × twice ; signal × current mood: pull the trigger, piglet

unlike most trainees, sunyoung doesn’t think much about the absence of an evaluation this month. no, unlike most of the others who have taken to panicking in the midst of a surprise evaluation, or something even worse, if possible ( she has come to realize how wild their imagination can run when faced with the unknown ), sunyoung has accepted her fate. if something were to happen, then she would have no other choice than to adapt to it. but if not, then revel in the fact that there is a training god and he is merciful at times, allowing them to go through a month without the looming event of an evaluation.

unfortunately, the former became reality, and sunyoung isn’t surprised in the slightest.

it’s a muted frenzy when the evaluation is announced literally last minute, panic, dread, fear permeates the theater in which they sit, filling it up to the brim with negative energy; sunyoung literally doesn’t have time for that. there’s no use for could of should have would have at this point -- she instead focuses on herself and what she should bring to the stage.

it’s times like this that she’s thankful for her dad blessing her with a surname that didn’t have her become the first sacrificial lamb -- and at the same time, it’s a curse. while nerves doesn’t prick at her as she watches some of the trainees sink ( and her heart weeps at taeyeon, feels bad for the other guy and many others who can’t come up to the plate ) and other swim, she becomes engulfed in the performances and almost forgets that this is an evaluation, not a performance show or something of the sort. she forgets and claps when needed, looks down when she can’t bare to watch any longer, and becomes so focused upon everyone else until--

“park sunyoung.”

-- she is called, with nothing prepared. fuck.

shit shit fuck god damn asshole fuck fuck motherfucking shit. bitch.

the nerves come in full force as lithe legs slowly make their way towards the stage, forgoing the steps and simply climbing onto it with a swift jump ( classy ) before walking to the middle with a slight wobble in her step. the lights are hot and her mind is running a mile a minute and her hands and heart and legs are all an earthquake, shaking with a force that feels like the whole country is about to break away from the asian continent to chill with japan as an island -- when in reality her shivers aren’t all that noticeable. time is ticking and sunyoung is just standing there because what in the entire fuck is she supposed to sing?

                                                                                                                              ( trying to let you know                                                                                                                            sign을 보내 signal 보내                                                                                                                                    i must let you know                                                                                                                          sign을 보내 signal 보내 )

the damn song is the only thing that comes to mind and she refuses -- she didn’t even like the group to begin with due to their lack of talent and kt girls doing cheer up last year was enough aegyo to last a lifetime, according to sunyoung. she begs her mind to give her something else to work with, another song that actually fits her skills... and yet ..

                                                                                                                         ( sign을 보내 signal 보내                                                                                     sign을 보내 signal 보내

                                                                      sign을 보내 signal 보내 )

time is ticking, it’s probably been about 20 seconds of silence from her end, and coughs and anticipation from the judges and crowd and all she has said was a droning “uhhhhhhh ..... “ meanwhile the childish song still plays in her head, and she hates that she it’s the only thing her mind is giving her, but there isn’t much to do about it now.

if she’s gonna sing the fucking song, she might as well give them a show -- or at least have fun with it herself.

from some point, i started liking you you fool why don’t you know my heart?

when are you going to stop being so dumb and only treat me as a friend? ‘cause that’s not what I want

it’s an odd place to start, right in the middle of the song at the main vocal’s entrance, but she doesn’t care. all caution is thrown out the window because this is a song way below her skill level ( she might as well of sung the pororo theme, and she’s actually regretting that she didn’t ), her deep tone sounding a bit off with the high pitched cuteness of the original, but it gets the job done, she supposes.

sending you a sign, sending a signal electric electric electric electric i want you, i want you but why aren’t you reacting?

every time we meet, with all my heart electric electric electric electric i’m waiting, you can see everything but why don’t you know?

embarrassment shows within her features as she starts to do the simple choreography, raising her hands posed as cutesy antennas while she ticks her hips to the time of her voice, throwing hearts every single way as the dance calls for it. she’s sure she can see some of the boys cringing at a 24 year old trying to do the dance of a fresh and sprightly teenagers, and there’s a portion of her that wants to laugh at them. at herself. at this entire situation, especially how the judges refuse to show any type of emotion at her talent show, but she doesn’t.

trying to let you know sending you a sign, sending a signal i must let you know sending you a sign, sending a signal

if i look at you and smile, you should know i’ve already looked at you and smiled so many times today if i keep talking to you, you should feel it i keep staying by your side

too bad that the only part of the choreography she knows is the chorus, because now she’s back to staying still and sunyoung decides to just wing it at this point. when the talking turns into singing once more, voice probably the most stable it’s every been and smooth as it transitions ( it’s hardly a challenge ) she dedicates this song to the judges and trainers up front, giving winks and extra hearts their way while doing body rolls and shaking her hips while not moving too vigorously -- her vocals were supposed to shine through. they might not match the somewhat innocent nature of the song, but if she’s singing it, then she could make it into whatever she pleases.

from some point, i started liking you you fool why don’t you know my heart?

when are you going to stop being so dumb and only treat me as a friend? ‘cause that’s not what i want

she ends upon the same verse she started on, still doing ... whatever she was doing that could be passed off for dancing. sending finger guns towards the each one of the judges as the table before doing it to the crowd, pointing at her heart and pouting with the acceptable line, and doing the point dance one last time before she abruptly ends. that was a minute, right?

nothing else is needed, nothing else to be said as sunyoung simply bows and makes her way off the stage and back to her seat.

[rkxroyal]

                                                                   * MAY EVALUATION  

                                                 >>    [ singing skill ]

                  nam woohyun performing miraculous ladybug’s theme song. (0:50-1:50)

his nerves are on fire. 

the moment the evaluation had been announced-- woohyun had choked, panic settling in his bones from his seat. glancing at everyone around him proved to be futile; no one else had known, similar reactions or lack there ofs only presented before him. woohyun takes hours for preparation. how can he prepare in only just a couple of minutes for something?

swallowing back his nerves, he ducks his head and stares down at his legs, racking his mind for something. for something he can perform-- singers have all the freedom to choose, and only a minute to perform. what on earth can he do? acapella? that even limits him more. maybe is woohyun hadn't been stuck in such a slump, this would have been easier for him to figure out. there's plenty of songs he could sing, plenty of parts that could showcase his growth. but he can't think of a single god damn one. when his name is called, he looks up in a daze, croaks out a weak "coming!" as he manuevers his way up to the center stage. he tells his nerves to calm down, focuses on the lyrics of a song from a cartoon-- that's easy enough, right? there shouldn't be anything to worry about. the only ones here are his fellow kt trainees, his coaches, katie lee. is fainting on stage a good showcase of talent? because it's certainly what woohyun wants to do. he throws caution to the window, offering a shaky smile to the crowd as he sucks in a breath. he pushes to get it over with, stuttering out a laugh as he begins-- "i am a cat, just chilling out. but in the night-- she’s all i think about.” his voice is soft, hesitant-- amplified by microphones as he attempts his best at lyrics. “i feel so strong, when she’s around. she picks me up-- when i am down.”

it’s embarrassing, just a tad. to be singing a children’s show theme song, but it’s the best that woohyun has.

“oh no, you’ll never know.” he breathes. “my love can only grow. and when i see her smile, that’s when she becomes...” he holds out the note for a second longer than he’s supposed to, soft smile on his face as he feels the ambiance of the lyrics, imagines the beat. “miraculous, simply the best-- up to the test, when things go wrong. miraculous--- the luckiest, the power of love always so strong.” another repeat of the chorus-- his vocals don’t do the original female counterpart justice, but he tries his best. miraculous-- you are the one!” 

he breathes out in relief when it’s done, close enough. he bows his head, squeaks out a thanks and hurries himself off stage.     (and he hopes no one can see the red tips of his ears as he stumbles off the stage in typical nam woohyun fashion.)

[xxrkcap]

♫♪♫ May. EVAL: Tough Cookie ft. Zico (Ft. Don Mills)

So he raps. Because that’s what he does best. 

Minsoo had been feeling lost and out of sorts over the last few months. Ever since he graduated, he found himself with a lot of spare time in his hand. ‘A lot’ is a bare minimal for an average person, but quite significantly ‘more’ for trainees. Nonetheless, he oddly kept his head down.

So he raps. Recklessly. Precisely. Mockingly. Accurately. 

The cypher had done nothing notoriously out of control or is frowned upon, at least not per his usual standards. He almost meekly does whatever he is told. Almost submissively. Almost robotically. He has a job. He is working closer to achieve his dreams. He made amends with his mother. He has a beautiful girlfriend. He has amazing friends. He has the money. Cars. Brain. He has it all. Yet he has nothing. 

So he raps. As though he has already achieved it all. As though he truly feels he has it all.

He was feeling stagnant again, and Minsoo hated every bit of it. Royal’s resident troublemaker felt restless. There was a need to do something unexpected. Something out of the routine. Something so unpredictable that it's so predictable because only he would do such a thing. Yet he remains quiet. Like a still cobra poised, silent and ready to strike. 

But for now, he raps. Because that’s what he does best. 

Even though, this wasn’t his best.

[rkxeve]

lost

[ tw: anxiety, description of a panic attack ]

jinri is in a funk. she’s been in it for weeks now, maybe even months -- since the announcement of royal’s survival show being open to all samsung trainees, and her equally sudden decisions to sign up and then quickly pull out again. that bothered her for most of the month of april, never fully leaving her head and constantly plaguing her with doubt. should i have done it? could i have won, debuted sooner? how much longer will i have to wait now that i’ve decided to stay with sphere, passed up that opportunity?

but that didn’t bother her for long after their april evaluation. she poured maybe a little too much of her soul into it, and managed to have another long talk with luna afterwards -- one of their first since the almost-fight that prompted jinri to pull out of the show. jinri refused to let herself be miserable over the show any longer -- she’d made her choice, so it was pointless to keep doubting herself like that. 

then rachel showed up.

she started a group chat with luna and jinri out of the blue in the middle of may, telling them that she was back in seoul and wanted to go to lunch. they agreed, of course, having missed her since she left sphere and korea altogether, going off to explore the world or go home to london or something, jinri didn’t know. she’d never really had time to keep up with rachel’s goings-on, but she tried to keep up with her through instagram and twitter as much as she could. 

the day of the lunch, she and luna walk out of the sphere building to head for the nearby restaurant where they agreed to meet -- this particular restaurant being a favorite of many sphere trainees, thanks to its quick service, cheap food, and proximity to the sphere building. and although jinri should be excited to see her friend again, she’s bothered by a nagging feeling in the back of her mind, some sort of weird gut feeling that something isn’t right. 

and when the first thing rachel says after they’ve ordered their food is “i’ve actually been back for a few months already,” and jinri watches luna’s eyebrows rise incredulously, she knows that her gut feeling was right, and this lunch probably isn’t going to go well. 

she loses her appetite very quickly once their food arrives, as rachel tries to explain what’s been happening in her life, and luna only asks: why wait so long to tell them she’s back, and why leave to begin with if she was just going to come back so soon?

and even as luna practically storms back to the sphere building after they pay for their food ( of which jinri ate very little ) and leave, jinri hears some of rachel’s points echoing in her mind. 

she’s happy. she went off and traveled and found herself or whatever, and now she’s away from the industry and she’s happy. 

my whole life, i’ve been trying to get into the industry. now i am, and i’m still no closer to my goal than i was two and a half years ago. how many more years will it take? will reaching my goal even make me happy, or will i always want more? 

i’ve barely seen the world, yet i’ve signed my life over to a company for who knows how much longer. how long will my dream take? is it even worth it?

hard as she tries to ignore those thoughts, jinri is still plagued by them for the next several weeks, right up to their evaluations, which only have her more stressed out because she has no idea how to prepare. 

she’s spent most of her free practice time since meeting with rachel either working out or working on her dancing, finding that the physical activity is one of the easiest methods for her to clear her mind while she’s at training. so when they gathered all the trainees together and told them they were to perform in their strongest skill, jinri’s stomach sinks, because she’s hardly been practicing singing outside of her vocal lessons. she isn’t even confident in her ability to sing an acapella song on the fly. 

but she has no choice but to try, so she steps up, feeling more nauseous and shaky than she did before all her mga performances -- possibly even worse, because while those were arguably higher stakes, she had spent ages preparing for each one, down to the last detail. this has been sprung on her, and she’s spent half the month preparing the wrong skill, out of pure selfishness and wanting to escape her own mind for a while.

she sings a song from her workout playlist, one she likes to run to for its loud chorus and fast beat, despite it seeming, at first listen, like a ballad. her voice is a little shaky on the breaths, but nothing too bad -- and as she clears the first verse, then the chorus without any major hiccups, she gains confidence. 

but her voice cracks partway through the second verse, and though she continues without missing a beat, she can hear the tremor in the lyrics now, can feel how her lungs aren’t getting enough air for the power she’s trying to sing with, can tell that everything is falling apart. 

she scrambles to try to save it anyway, though, a mental image of her own fingers slipping off the edge of a cliff popping into her mind. it doesn’t help in the least, especially when, as her voice trembles enough to cut off a word, she sees one of her hands slip entirely from the cliff face, her body dangling from a few fingertips over an expansive darkness. 

her breaths become even thinner, and when the high note comes, she knows she won’t be able to hit it, knows she doesn’t have the breath or power or confidence to make it. but she tries anyway, and her voice breaks almost immediately, the note breaking off and leaving the room in dead silence for the longest two seconds of jinri’s life. then she picks up with the backtrack lyrics that go below the high notes, and manages to finish out the song while barely holding her voice together, though it’s lost a lot of its power. 

as soon as she’s dismissed off stage, jinri rushes to the nearest unlocked door she can find that’s away from everyone, away from the stage, refusing to make eye contact with anyone as she feels hot tears slide down her cheeks. she finds herself in a supply closet, and crouches in the floor between a mop bucket and a vacuum and breaks into tears. 

failure. what kind of singer are you? what kind of singing was that? baek jiyoung had you sing with her at the gayos, for fuck’s sake. that was terrible, absolutely horrible. remember that video, from the mgas? choi jinri can’t sing? this is the kind of thing it came from. and it was right. 

she can hardly breathe between her sobs, and her chest tightens with the need for air, but she can’t manage to get any into her lungs. it’s like her throat’s closed up, so that the only things that can make it through are choked sobs and thin wheezes. she fumbles for her phone, somehow manages to call her mom through her blurry vision, and listens as her mother coaches her through breathing, tells her that once she calms down things will be better. she listens as, once jinri is breathing steadily, her mother prays for her, and jinri leans her back against the door and offers up a prayer of her own. 

she sits in that closet for almost twenty minutes, even staying for a few minutes after she hangs up with her mother, with a promise to call her back later, when she’s at home. she’s certain her face is still red and puffy when she walks out, but she keeps her chin high anyway. 

because if she doesn’t act like she’s confident, like she knows what she’s doing, she knows she’s just going to fall apart again. 

[rklandon]

      《 ZHANG YIXING ★》  TURN UP THE BASS AND MAKE THEM ALL HAVE FUN

he doesn’t know which song is worse for his current mood. while he’s waiting on stage, he looks out and thinks he’d rather have yonce at this point. at least he’d know what to expect, at least he could try to make it funny with exaggerated movements of his legs and arms, at least it would promote confidence when yixing feels like he’s at a newfound level of weak. there’s no one to blame but himself. it was his decision to sign a contract and his decision not to follow meiqi home because of everything he has here. he can’t leave baekhyun again. can’t leave his girlfriend. neither would make him happy and breaking his word would be almost as upsetting. what does a gentleman have if not his word?

if he goes back home, he knows it’s leaving his dream behind. he owes that to himself too but as he wrings his hands until the music starts, all it does is make him feel unforgivably selfish.

looking out at his fellow trainees, he knows he’s more wrong to be selfish. the friends he’s made, the progress they’ve all made, how could he leave it? then he thinks of his princess, and how could he stay? there’s no right or wrong decision and yixing hates it. he hates it. he’s lived his life by right or wrong. courteous and rude. giving and selfish. this decision blurs all the lines and it shows in his dancing. it’s looser, lacks precision and the usual energy he gives it. the gestures are there, the dancing would be better if he actually hit them the way he should, if he didn’t dance as lackluster as he feels.

when one of his dance trainers stops him after less than a minute, yixing knows. the bass was turned up but no one is having fun.

[haseulrk]

Overflow

“Kim Taeyeon.”

She never thought she would be in such a panic to hear her own name called, but there it was and she had run out of time.  She wasn’t the first nor the last trainee that would be called up in front of the KT coaches and Katie Lee that day, but as it would be the hand that fated handed to her, she very well might have been one of the most memorable.  

She had a minute to sing anything, anything at all, even if the song choice was horrible or something simple like a kid’s song, she had a minute to sing it and that would be it. Singing a song was something she’d done a million times before, something that came almost as easy as breathing to her.  Now though, with her time ticking down, she couldn’t do it, she couldn’t find her song. 

Confusion etched across her face, why couldn’t she do it? She always had a song in her head, just sing anything out, anything at all, make something up, even, but she tried and her voice caught in her throat.  Where she hadn’t gone first, there was no excuse for this and the first of the coaches to speak up and stop her made sure to tell her exactly that.

Taeyeon froze and everything she had been holding inside just bubbled up to the surface and she couldn’t stop the tears from forming in her eyes.  That feeling of disappointment again, yet again in front of her all time favorite idol, her CEO, was the last straw.  Her self-imposed loneliness, her heartache over Joohyun even though she had promised to try and get a fresh start in the new year, finishing at the bottom of the MGAs,, the fact that she had had yet another birthday at KT and she still had not debuted, three years into her trainee life.  If she could really call it a life. 

“I-I’m sorry...I’m sorry...”

And with that, she ran.  She’d likely get in trouble for not staying with her fellow trainees, but she couldn’t face them right now, she couldn’t face the awkwardness that would have settled into the room.  She just couldn’t deal with seeing them right now.  She didn’t stop running until she could get to where she kept her things, grabbing her bag and leaving the facility for home immediately. 

She hated how weak she felt, but she hated showing it even more.

[seulgirk]

In Her Wheelhouse

“Kang Seulgi, you’re up.”

She heard her name called and luckily for her, she was feeling the particular evaluation they were being faced with.  Coming up with something on the fly was definitely not everyone’s forte, but Seulgi thought of it as a fun challenge to show what she could do.

Hearing them cue up the song, she smiled to herself, even more, hearing Beyonce come through the speakers.  It was a chance to show a more powerful and sexy side of herself, something she had worked hard on over the years and especially recently with Seolhyun over their recent meetings at Seocho.  This was a song that she had practiced to quite a bit, so when the beat kicked in, she was prepared, movements both precise but fluid, hips swaying and somewhat thrusting, but always to the beat provided. 

She dropped low, her hair flipping over her shoulder to accentuate the movements, it was easy to see how much the every day practicing given by the Sphere trainers had helped her improve a lot since she had appeared on the MGAs.  Having that guidance let her move how the company would want, but still keeping her own style and flair at the same time.  Her facial expressions were always fierce when she danced to this style of music, a sharp contrast to the often seen eyesmile she sported whenever anything struck her funny.

“Thank you.” they interrupted, stopping the music abruptly and ending her evaluation.   She gave them a polite bow before heading back over to her seat, happy that it was over, though she had certainly had fun with it.

[rkkangjoon]

Royal's White Lotus  Seo Kang Joon

                                                                       MAY Evaluation

Song Sohee 송소희 -Tomorrow 내일  (0:30-1:00; 1:35-1:49; 2:05-2:19)

It felt unusual to not doing rehearsals for the upcoming monthly evaluation and Kang Joon was kind of breathing again. These past weeks had been pretty draining, since he had put all his powers and thoughts into his musical career. He had mostly abandoned all of his ill and negative thoughts of the past, had trying hard to move on and even when it still hurt, whenever the cruel memories returned to him at night, he was doing better. And his skills had been improving quite well. It was sad to see his development, for him to wish he wouldn't change after the break, but life was constantly moving, kept on flowing and he, a mere human, couldn't dare to obey the heavens. So, when there wasn't any evaluation, he felt a little relieved as it meant this month wasn't as rushing past his eyes as the last. Which didn't meant he was able to rest at all. The trainee still worked on his singing, and his stage presence. His charm wouldn't help him everytime.

When the last day of May came across a huge surprise was revealed and Kang Joon was feeling fooled. How could he have been that naive, thinking the trainers would let them alone? He was devasted upon hearing about an impromptu performance they had to pull last minute, and he knew he was about to fail the evaluation. His throat felt sore, and his mind was blank, a black hole. The first trainees stepped on the stage and it made him uneasy as they immediately thought of a song or dance that would make them shine the brightest. The tall male envied them, for their clear minds, for their calm, for their creativity, for their talent. He wasn't like them at all. He was just sitting behind the stage, shivering, sweating, almost vomiting, the hands desperately clenched. There was no single song he knew left in his mind, he couldn't even remember the last one he did for the april's evalution.

As he was called on the stage, everything he was hearing was a ringing. Stepping on the stage, he blinked at the bright spotlights with a empty expression on his face. In front of him he could make out the shadows of the trainers and his fellow trainees, who were doing so much better than him. Black stripes spread over his eyesight, while trying hardly to make out a face he could trust and hold onto, to overcome his fear. Since he was a Lee, he had some time to think of a song, but his head was still filled just with air. His lip shoke, as the trainer asked him to start. “Yes...” He mumbled rather to himself than to him, grabbing onto the microphone rather insecure. “I will begin...” A slight bow, and when he lifted his head the heart in his ribcage started to pump loud and clear, and he was sure everyone else was able to hear it in the dead silence he was creating while still holding tightly to the microphone. And then, when he closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down, his lips suddenly made sounds, singing, words that were too familiar to him. 

♫ The night sky is filled with The twinkling stars containing stories Loneliness is coming down Like dew drops on the leaves

Glancing around, as he kept on singing with a highly shaking voice, he watched the shadows slightly moving in their seats. Kang Joon was singing a folk song, his grandmother had taught him the day she had take him to her. He still remembered the nights, when he couldn’t fall asleep from the tears that kept on flowing. How should he sleep, when his parents would never return? How could they have left him all alone? The song was sad and heartbreaking, and still, it put him at peace. It reminded him of darker days, of days full of desperation, sorrow and fear, but also of days when he learnt how love was able to pull one through those hard times. His grandmother had given him so much energy and hope, and the belief in his future.

♫ Flow, flow When time flows away What will I become?

She had always told him to grow up well, so that his parents would be proud of him, when they watched him from the heavens. In his little hands he was holding a world full of talent and potential, potential to become everything he wanted, he dreamt of. She didn’t held him back in dreaming, and even though she protected him, she also let him make his mistakes, mistakes to grew deeper roots, to understand his own self more.

♫ Will I become a flower? Tomorrow and day after tomorrow

Now that he was a trainee, he often asked himself if he was cut out to become a musician, someone who was able to touch other’s souls with his voice. He wasn’t too sure, but still, he didn’t intended to give up. He definitely wanted to become a flower, to fully grow to himself. 

[memoirsofrkxjiyeon]

 [ may evaluation ] [ black heels & brave girl ]

 [ english translation & song choice ]

On the spot evaluation...this could be the worse thing that Minhee could ever dream of. She felt like she was completely naked on stage, vulnerable and unprepared for a performance completely lost once more in this world.  The terrified female look down upon her feet while her mind raced with ideas on what she should for the performance, she nervously bites her lip trying to keep her cool.

Keep it together, Minhee. You got this. Just think.

Each trainee took the stage performing their bit while the panel remains so quiet like a mouse not even saying if it was good or not while other trainees watch their performance too. Minhee not only would be performing in front of the panel but the other trainees true, this made her feel even more nervous. She took a deep breath while watching the trainees perform before her until it was her turn, she glances down on her black heels shoes giving herself sudden light bolt idea. 

High Heels! That’s It! Time to be a brave girl! 

The female put on her brave face brushing her fingers through her dark hair keeping poise before taking the microphone. She licked her lips wetting them before taking a deep breath before her eyes locked on the panel. Minhee put on the brave act channelling her confidence and charisma when takes centre stage giving a bright smile to everyone as her lips start to move as began to chant while clapping her hands together while doing facial expressions plus movements to match each statement even little butt wiggle from the foxy girl. The female said those words which meaning believing every word what she was saying trying to sell it like the ex-salesperson she is.

I’m a sassy girl  I’m a tough girl  I’m a pretty girl  I’m a foxy girl

A tiny smirk painted her lips before clear her throat to prepare for herself to start doing a rap. The words were clear as day in her mind as this was one of her favourite songs especially when could relate some of the lyrics. Each word flows nicely one after one in rhythm which string words together and somewhat fast pace. Minhee has been practising and learning the art of rapping correctly also making sure she pronounce the words clearly for people to understand. 

Majeneun neomu chakhadagado Haejimyeon balchikhaejineun yeoja “Oppa“ “seonbae“ hadagado gakkeumeun “Ya” hal jul aneun yeoja

Minhee decided to let go on the stage showing her more spunky side as she does tend to be always the nice girl who everyone tends call her cute or sweet so she wanted to prove this was her other side and she wasn’t afraid to take risks too. The female playfully sang one line softly before returning to the rap with a somewhat cocky smile as she felt she done so much better since the time she rap which was at the kt&royal contest. 

Namjaga wonhaneun ge mwonji aneun yeoja Manyang ai gatdagado namjareul darul jul aneun yeoja

The girl return to the chant she did earlier while clapping then bow at the panel as it was her time to finish let someone else take the stage instead. Minhee was tempted to drop the mic like those gangsters but she didn’t want to damage the precious microphone. She is still a good girl after all and handed the microphone to the next trainee. 

[rkgray]

// ( ♥ )  KT’s May 2017 Evaluation

Kang Heegun “Gary” Impromptu Rap “Huh Hae” (Empty) (1:20-1:45; 2:25-3:03)

He kinda was suspicious about the monthly evaluation, as nobody gave any of the trainees informations about the May's evalution. His intuition told him that there was something going on backstage, and that he needed to be careful. So during the whole month he remained in his usual observing position, always conscious about his movements and his sayings. Gary was ready at any times, he stayed on focus and prepared himself. Even though he didn't knew what was going on or what they might have to do, but his expectation was high, his heart full of antipictation. Despite them not preparing themselves for the evaluation the strange feeling of eyes on one's back was stressful and exciting at the same time. So when the trainees got separated on the last day of the month, the male wasn't that surprised and just quietly followed. 

At the sight of the stage in front of him, his heartbeat immediately rose and a wide grin grew on his face. Kang Gary was ready, whatever his task would be. And as they told them to do an impromptu performance, he couldn't help and hide his self-confidence. 

He was the oldest trainees among the KT trainees, probably even the oldest among the current trainees from all companies, and he knew too well about that burden. If something were to happen, he would be the first one to be dropped, to be given up on. He wasn't too sure, if some of his fellow trainees taunted him for his age and his looks, everyone was just human. But he wouldn't let words let him down. He would show everyone how much he deserved being one of them, he would prove his worth, not only to them, but especially to himself, he would give his all. It didn't mattered if someone was younger, better looking or more talented than him. In front of the panel of company staff and trainers everyone was the same. They were trainees and they had the chance to show themselves to the world. 

While seemingly everyone else slipped into a state of panic and desperation over a song choice, he instead sat down and crossed his arms in front of his chest, while leaning against a wall his eyes closed. It was simple to him. He would do one of his own songs, showing off his way of song writing, his poetic choice of words and his way of performing. The eyes and the ears of his fellow trainees wouldn't harm him. They were simply another audience to send his vibes to. There was no need to be afraid of their judgement. Peacefully he waited for someone to call out to him and lead him to the stage. As the Kang's were called, the male got up and walked over, breathing calmly. 

The countless pairs of eyes stared him down, when he entered the stage, but he kept his stance, and his calm withstood the pressure of panic and fear. Maybe it was his age or the experiences he had made while working as body and security guard, but his heart beat in normal rhythm, when he touched the microphone. He wouldn't back away. Before he began his rap, he let out a soft sigh, relieved to be able to stand on stage again. His voice was gentle, but strong as he began his soulful rap, that was overfilled with meaning and current thoughts he had tried to catch and trap in that song.

♫ Longing sighs from solos can be heard all around They hate working, and pull out the yearning for their dreams once again Is this really the life I want Should I courageously start everything over again I have mixed feelings right now What the hell do I have to do to enjoy myself Life flows by so fast, I don’t wanna miss a second But like a daily soap opera, it seems that’s just how it is Feels like I’m tangled up in a swing Today’s one of the good days, I feel empty

Gary didn’t do much aside of walking on the stage and bopping his head to the music that is playing in his head. His rapping was his melody, his rhythm, his heartbeat. He enjoyed the silence around them, he enjoyed the moment when everyone was listening to just him and his skills. There wasn’t distracting background music, nothing that could swallow up the tone, the colour, the strength of his voice. 

♫ Rain drizzles outside the window, my mind’s in a blackout Not much going on, but I’ve got no desire for much, either It’s just that my pen’s gotten to be annoying as hell But it seems like sometimes you need these kind of days Keeping the balance Checking my phone like a habit, seems like everyone is living well inside the world in there, but instead of meeting each other it’s a picture and a short comment Click the ‘Like’ button and that’s the end of it I forget time’s passing when I watch for a while, smiling Suffering for a bit again when the darkness comes I still can’t decode love’s wounds, we always spent these days cuddling on the couch with you watching a movie I miss everything

It’s a little sad, when he is told to leave the stage after the minute they received for their impromptu performance and the male wished he could have stayed a little longer. Did his words reached their ears and their hearts? He wasn’t too sure. And the result of the spontaneous evaluation kind of was more important to know now.

[bambamrk]

May Eval, NOVA 

He was nervous to say the least, it might not have shown on his face but he was nervous. He had been curious about this month's evaluation but he hadn't thought to ask about it. It had seemed as if one wasn't coming this month, he did look forward to them so he had been left a little sad. When he did find out about it, it wasn't in the way he expected it. He didn't expect them to announce it on the last day of the month, it was amazingly short notice.

He had followed the rest of the NOVA trainee's without a word. There had been murmurs throughout the group but he didn't feel the need to join him. At first it was panic that set in, what if they did something wrong? It couldn't be anything good going on, it only increased when his saw his coaches and CEO. They had calmed his fears until he found out that they would be assessing right then and there.

It created a new type of panic and as he waited for them to start calling people, Bambam didn't know what to do. He was at least aware enough to know that he shouldn't show his panic but it didn't make it better as he watched the other dance trainees. They didn't know what they were going to get, it was just whatever song that played. Finally that had called his name and it took a light shove from another trainee to get him going.

No one said anything, even as he bowed his head to the panel. His eyes strayed to Hyunbin every so often, and he wished more than anything that they would just let him hurry up. It seemed like forever before a song finally came on and his mind went black for a moment. He could do nothing else but move, so he did. He didn't have a certain style and it wasn't practiced but he danced anyway.

All he had to do was feel the music, they hadn't given time to practice and maybe that was just the point. He could only hope his they were pleased with his dancing. He moved as if his limps didn't have any bones. Each movement matched the beat, it gave him a chance to use the whole stage. It would have hurt if he wasn't so used to dancing, this wasn't he normally danced too but he did know a few moves.

Now was the best time to use them. He had been moving across the stage on the tip of his toes and the rest of his body followed in a almost jerky matter. The minute passed quickly, when they cut off the music it took him a moment to stop. Nothing was said so he took it as he que to leave the stage. He only wondered how did and if they liked it.