#sasspants

[ohsweetzombiecthulhu]

When John gets back to the city proper, soaking wet and a little bit humbled, he'll grouse at the panel that "That wasn't an actual selection," and "You know better," and Atlantis basically blows him a raspberry by dropping him in the same spot.

Stargate: Atlantis 2.06 “Trinity”

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 35 - HUMOR

every dong has its day by orphan_account

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: M Words: 7,831 Tags: Puns, Size Doesn't Matter, Misunderstandings

Summary: it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean. -ancient chinese proverb

Reasons why I love it: When I tell you I was fucking howling the first time I read this, I am not kidding. This fic is so goddamn funny, and honestly it only gets better every time I come back to it. If you haven't read this one yet, do yourself a favor and get right on it, because it's fantastic.

Talk Dirty To Me by Finely Honed (jaqen_hgar)

Pairing: Bucky/Tony Rating: M Words: 2,255 Tags: Bisexual Tony, Dirty Thoughts, Russian Speaking Buddies

Summary: Being the kind of person he was now, Bucky had crossed happy endings, fairness, and a whole mess of other things off of his list of beliefs since HYDRA got their hooks in him. Shoving the disappointment down wasn’t even that hard. He’d had plenty of practice. It was just… “What a shame,” he sighed in Russian as Tony walked past, giving them a wave over his shoulder as he headed into the kitchen. “The things I would do to that ass.”

Reasons why I love it: Bucky being horny on main is so funny, it puts the biggest smile on my face. Couple that with Natasha's exasperation and Tony shamelessly listening in and you've got the recipe for a killer fic. It's so good, and I highly recommend you check it out for yourself!

When I think about you by sirona

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 11,955 Tags: Sassy Steve, Prank Wars, Trolling

Summary: Five times someone saw Steve sass the hell out of Tony and one time Tony finally bought a clue. Also known as the story of Captain Sasspants more than handling his own with Tony Stark at his most devious.

Reasons why I love it: It doesn't matter how many times I read it, I still crack up every time. Steve is such a fucking troll, my god, Tony has no idea what he's getting himself into. Luckily, when he DOES finally catch a clue, he finds the right words to seal the deal. The smut is absolutely fantastic too. I love this one, and I bet you will too, if you haven't read it already!

no matchmaking before breakfast by nanasekei

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: NR Words: 3,435 Tags: Fluff, Natasha is Not A Robot, Avengers Family

Summary: “I don’t even find Steve attractive,” Natasha says, eyes following greedily every drop of coffee the machine pours, for once in her life genuinely unaware of the impact her words are about to cause.

Reasons why I love it: Tony's indignation on Steve's behalf is so cute, I want to squish him. And Natasha managing to play matchmaker even while barely half-awake is iconic. I'd also really love to hear about the rest of her ranking list. This fic is amazing, and if you haven't already, I hope you check it out for yourself!

Bro Job by Amuly

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 4,974 Tags: Roleplay, Facials, PWP

Summary: Tony overhears Sam use the word "Bro Job" during an argument with Izzy. This gives him the bright idea of a role-play scenario he could act out with Steve, harkening back to the foolish beginnings of their relationship.

Reasons why I love it: This is one of the funniest PWP fics I've ever read. Steve is such a sweetheart to go along with Tony's whims, and oh my god, Tony breaking character once they start roleplaying is the best thing ever. I laughed out loud several times while reading this, so if you like some humor with your smut, this one's for you!

[wosobronze]

The second goal you could tell really pissed her off, and I don't blame her. 3 people could have cleared it, and she managed to save it once off the line it was unlucky it fell straight to Linda

my favourite thing about being at matches is actually hearing the players shouting and god lucy can be such a sasspants especially with her eye rolls too😭

[stevetonyweekly]

SteveTony Weekly - September 17th

Happy Sunday, friends! Here’s today’s list--it’s gonna be kinda light over the next week or two, because work is kicking my ass. Enjoy though! And be sure to leave a comment/kudos for the fic you enjoy! 

~*~ 

Transistor-Powered Teammate by veryvincible

“You know, I always thought Tony Stark would be the one to master time travel. When I first got here, I half thought he must have a time machine laying around somewhere.”

Heart’s desire. by captainstars

Neither Steve nor Tony could have reacted in time to the purple blast that exploded out from the stone, bathing both of them in the warmth of its eerie light.

“You will realize it.” The man professed, his gaze startlingly clear for someone who had been rambling until then.

“You will realize your heart’s desire.”

OR

The fuck buddies + ABO AU.

make me yours by complicationstoo 

Steve sighs, “With the way the serum made me look and the strength it gave me, I know you were expecting me to be, I don’t know, more dominant in bed, I guess. And I know it’s a fair assumption, I’m not saying it isn’t, but it’s not really true.”

Tony is grateful that Steve can’t see his face right now, because he can’t mask the utter surprise on it when it finally clicks.

“Oh,” Tony says. “Oh, that’s - oh.”

tomorrow by complicationstoo 

“She’s just a friend, you know,” Natasha says, and Steve nods. He does know, because Tony told him himself a few days ago, then again tonight when he introduced her to everyone. But his hand was on her lower back, and hers was on his arm, and they were both smiling and so clearly familiar with each other that it didn’t matter that they’ve known each other since they were kids. All Steve could see was that someone else was Tony’s date for a gala he didn’t even want to come to in the first place, making the whole night that much more miserable for it.

Foot, meet mouth by itsallAvengers

Peter finds a ring in Steve's jacket pocket.

Peter confronts Steve.

Peter discovers it is, in fact, not actually Steve's jacket.

Peter contemplates how long his dad is going to ground him when he finds out what he's just done.

Put Me Back Together by AvengersNewB

Steve holds it together to see through what needs to be done, with Tony missing in space and half of the universe snapped out of existence.

Only until Tony comes back to earth.

---

Infinity War fix-it.

A Bit Of Sweet Sugar (For The Veins) by dingadur

Steve finds a flogger in Tony's underwear drawer and promptly freaks the fuck out.

They figure it out, though.

fun & games by welcoming_disaster

In which Steve Rogers keeps making bets he's going to lose.

Captain Planet by tsukinofaerii 

After the Red Skull incident, Steve needs to get away from things for a while. Tony, being the caring and considerate person he is, makes arrangements. But the Steve that comes back might be a little more than the world can handle.

buy the brooklyn bridge by plingo_kat

It’s a whole new world, and Steve finds himself fitting in pretty well. Especially with Tony Stark as a guide.

My Heart Would Benefit From a Little Tenderness From Time to Time by SuperstringSymphony 

“Come with me.” Tony licks his lips, blue eyes lifting to meet Steve's. “We've both had a long week, I thought you might like to relax.” Tony's gaze darts from side to side. Steve has noticed since they started this that Tony only ever truly looks nervous when he's talking to him. “The car is around the front, what do you say, weekend getaway?” Tony smiles, stroking a hand down his back with a featherlight touch. Steve just barely represses a shiver, eyeing Tony for a moment. With other people he's always a little shuttered. Here though, with Steve, his expression is unguarded, eyes bright with hope. He looks a little strained though, as if the week has taken its toll on him as well.

When I think about you by sirona 

Five times someone saw Steve sass the hell out of Tony and one time Tony finally bought a clue. Also known as the story of Captain Sasspants more than handling his own with Tony Stark at his most devious.

Two Out of Three (Ain't Bad) by plingo_kat

It blindsides him one morning in the middle of his customary third cup of coffee; Steve walks through the door in loose cotton pants, shirt pulled up to wipe the sweat off his face from his usual morning workout, and Tony thinks: adorable.

Not a Breakup by Annie D (scaramouche)

Tony knew it was a bad idea to start sleeping with Steve. It could mess up team dynamics, make things even more awkward between them in the future, or just plain get in the way of their trying to save the world. Tony foresaw all of the above but not the advent of feelings, and at the most inopportune moment.

For a Certain Definition of Happiness by Neverever

Steve Rogers should be happy - he has a job leading the new team of Avengers, friends, and a steady girlfriend. He works well with Tony Stark, who has retired as Iron Man and provides financial backing and technical support for the team. Steve's life becomes complicated when the Avengers encounter a mysterious supervillain crimewave, Helmut Zemo wants to legislate the Avengers out of existence, and his relationship with Sharon begins to fall apart. Then, after the death of a close friend, Steve begins to question if he is truly happy.

And, worse, why can't he get Tony off his mind?

Ares & Vulcan by Captain_Panda

"I am the god of war.  And I’m here to fight the mad Titan Thanos."

Tony Stark dies. Steve Rogers endeavors to fix that. In the process, he transcends.

An Endgame Greek god fusion. Because time travel.

[meganelixabethh]

a non-exhaustive list of things i have decided about marcia:

She sleeps in a very small ball with the blankets pulled all the way up to her chin

her stress dreams always contain spiders

she watches precisely five (5) of the torches on wizard way get lit when she notices it out of her window. One each for Alther, Cerys, Endor and her parents

her favourite flowers are bluebells

She has a special place in her heart for Aunt Zelda’s buttered toast

She has a ‘common’ accent she covers quite well but it comes out when she’s cross or distracted

‘You called me cerebral. I didn’t know what you meant. But now I do, would it have killed you to call me pretty instead’

If she was around now she would love tacky pop music

Her favourite song would be The Song by Maisie Peters

Autistic

She could never decide if she loved Cerys or Milo more

MARCIA SASSPANTS

Team: Russian Red

Very good singer

Bisexual with general preference for women

Would look SUBLIME with a cat eye

Feel free to add more

[animalscare1213]

Easy Pets to Care for: Guinea Pigs & 10 Essential Traits

The Guinea Pig with a Big Personality” would invite readers to know an ordinary guinea pig. But it is more than an ordinary cute pet; in fact, it is a small animal full of unique personality that would make you smile, laugh, and love. Detective Sasspants is definitely not your ordinary guinea pig ; this furry friend possesses quirks, charm, and spirit that makes one distinguishable.

Using the word “Meet,” the title makes it appear as if an introduction is being done to a new friend. Warm and inviting, it lets readers learn more about this unique guinea pig. The addition of the word “Big Personality” then emphasizes that Detective Sasspants is not just a docile or ordinary pet, but one that has a spirited, bold, and perhaps a little naughty nature that defines it as unforgettable.

[afastlittlefilly]

The cutest little nugget ☺️

[annoyinglybookish]

He is such a sasspants

Reading Golden Son and I’ve never been more stressed out in my life. Obviously. But Fitchner just took me out so hard I almost fell off my couch.

[imonlyusingthisforrp]

My child called me "a total simp for Bucky Barnes"...

You know? I can't really argue.

[kimberlyn-breanne]

[fierceawakening]

I still wanna ask this question

Is your icon a metal head seeker?

Because they look fucking awesome

Yes! She is a Seeker OC I dreamed up like, ten (!!) years ago.

This is the fic she’s from, set on a post-Decepticon conquest, pre-TFTM Cybertron.

Kax fans, there’s a bit of a resemblance. Angry Warrior Sasspants of Designated Villain Faction reporting for duty mayhem.

Icon is a commission from an old friend and amazing artist from that fandom. He went by @weallscreamforstarscream at the time, not sure what he's going by now. He made me not only this portrait but a completely amazing drawing of her in battle that is *chef's kiss* and a bonus cute drawing of TFP Megatron and Starscream.

Because he is awesome, that's why.

[luulapants]

Hi! For the smut prompts: #100 Steter ("you keep acting like a brat I'll take you over my knee right here, I don't care how many people are watching) or #99 Sterek with a hint of #60 ("I love the way you look with my fingers inside you/don't worry I'll take good care of you") (can also flip the ships around for either prompt if that suits your muse better!) <333

I went with your first prompt - I hope you like it!

Stiles stared blearily at yet another cookie cutter herabalist booth. Who would have thought he could get bored of magic? He turned and spotted Peter, still deep in conversation with the same dude he’d been chatting up for the past five minutes. Stiles was about to lose his goddamn mind.

When Peter first told him they were going to Werewolf Con (“For the last time, it’s not called Werewolf Con, Stiles.”), Stiles had expected it to be, well, exciting. Werewolves! Magic! Creatures! Plus, Peter’s endless warnings and lectures had made him sure that some bad shit would go down.

“You have to stick by my side the whole time, understood?” he’d said. “You have to actually listen to me when I give orders, and no fucking sass when we’re in front of people.”

Stiles had just rolled his eyes. “Uh-huh. Nice try, o bossy one.”

“I’m serious. There are alphas that come to these things looking for unattached betas. You have to come across as completely attached to me, or someone might take it as an invitation.”

“So why isn’t Derek getting this lecture?” Stiles asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “He’s the real sasspants, not me.”

Peter sighed. “Derek is family, it’s different. No one’s going to try him.”

So, naturally, Stiles had come into this thing expecting to be kidnapped and carried off to a cave or something wild like that. But no. Mostly he’d just gotten a billion different offers to cleanse his aura with a first timer’s discount.

He huffed and walked over to Peter, tugging on his elbow. “Is this going to take much longer? Can I go to the food court?” he whined.

Peter shot him a warning look. “You’ll wait as long as I need you to wait.”

“I’m hungry,” Stiles snapped. “And bored. Do you really want me to get into hangry boredom shenanigans next to the alchemy aisle?”

The man Peter had been talking to was grinning at him. Peter cast him a wary glance, then looked back at Stiles and growled, “You will be quiet and behave yourself or you won’t like what happens.”

Stiles snorted. God, was he serious? Peter got a little uppity sometimes, but he rarely tried to enforce rank like this. And when he did, Stiles had gotten very adept at distracting him with sex until he saw reason. Now, though, he was just annoyed. “What are you gonna do, huh?”

And then Peter exploded with the absolute last thing that Stiles expected to come out of his mouth: “You keep acting like a brat, I’ll take you over my knee right here. I don’t care how many people are watching.”

Read the rest on AO3

[we-are-swearwolves]

Can’t stop, won’t stop ✌🏼😬 sasspants Ch. 6 James ✨🏒

Fic drawing 3/? for Sweater Weather by @lumosinlove

[shyvioletcat]

It Takes Two Part 34 Snippet

First of all, quick question. Would you prefer a shorter chapter sitting at around 3000 words OR a longer chapter with another two scenes in it? First options will get you the newest chapter tomorrow after some editing. Second one will push it back to later this week. Let me know.

But now, the snippet.

~~~~~

They were smiling at each other as Rowan pushed off the doorframe and walked to the bed, setting himself up next to Aelin. “What were you doing?”

“Reading,” Aelin said simply, knowingly stating the obvious just to be difficult undoubtedly.

“Obviously,” Rowan replied, playing along. “I guess I should have asked why.”

“Alright, Mr Sasspants,” Aelin said, making Rowan guffaw. She looked very pleased with that reaction too. “I read in your book that reading to the baby while still in the womb is beneficial. So, I thought I’d give it a go.”

“I like it,” Rowan admitted, getting comfortable on the bed. “I think it’s sweet.”

[ironduke37]

[rvbelhearts]

Jon had always been drawn to Avery’s personality, because she wasn’t like any woman he’d ever been interested in before. She was a spitfire, that was for sure, but for all the joking and crazy talk he did, she was the one woman that didn’t just laugh, and say something lame like he was cute. No, she’d actually engage and give him his bullshit right back to him, tenfold sometimes, and he absolutely loved that. “Come on now, girl. You see all these hoops and shit I been jumpin through to get you to give me the time of day? You really think I’m bout to rethink anythin? Sorry to break the news to you, but you stuck with me now!” Just because she was being so damn cute and sassy about it, for a moment Jon really did consider taking Avery to IHOP or Waffle House, but nah, he already knew where he was going to take her, but he was going to leave that as a surprise for now. “Alright lil Ms. Sasspants, let’s go.” Jon held his hand out to Avery, a small smile gracing his features when he noticed how perfectly her hand fit in his.

A small blush quickly graced his features, because Jon hadn’t expected for Avery to call him out like that, but it was true, he’d been asking around, trying to find out what she was up to that night, because he did in fact want to ask her out. She was right, he could have just come out and asked her, but oddly enough, Jon could be a bit shy when it came these things, especially when he really liked someone. “Now see, why you gotta call me out like that? This is goin down the wrong way already! Maybe I need to rethink this whole askin you out on a date thing, cause damn!” Was playfully teased. “You cappin right now, because I already know you are not only free for the rest of the night, but free right now, so okay, okay, let me do this the right way. Avery Madison, would you do me the honor of accompanying me to Waffle House this fine evening?” Of course he was joking about going to Waffle House, but that was pay back for trying to make him think she was busy.