#save me camus..

[quadriportico]

Literally idk wtf this is, the result of not drawing in years, lost all capability, oh well

[potatokoko]

Let's play!

[solivagantingrebel]

i can't kms because who would update my fanfics if i do

[apollokyler]

NOBODY MOVE *flower petals fly across the screen and music from a romance dorama starts playing*

[blueesnow]

(6/6) Camus's Private Story [Utapri Live Emotion]

Ch 1: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 6 with Camus)

-Shining Agency's Meeting Room- Haruka: P-please forgive me…! Camus: … Haruka: (To think that I spilled a coffee on Camus's senpai's script… talk about a big mistake) Camus: I don't need those kind of superficial apology. If you were indeed feeling sorry, rather than words show it within your action. Camus: If it's a for a peasant like you… that's right, you could at the very least provide me with some useful information. If you managed to do it then I might let this one slide. Camus: But if you can't even do something so simple like that, then I'll turn you into an ice. Now, choose which one you like. (choices) <I'll provide you with information!> Haruka: Of course let me provide you with information…! Camus: Hmph, good decision. Now speak. Camus: But be aware that if the content isn't to my liking, I'll automatically turn you into an ice, no matter how much you protested. <I-Ice…> Haruka: I-Ice… A-anything but that! Camus: Then you only have one option, give me some good information that you have. Camus: I'm a busy man you see, so I won't wait for that long. The time until I freeze you is 3, 2… (back to story) Haruka: Ah! Come to think of it, Camus-senpai I heard that you like sweets, right? Haruka: The other day Tomo-chan… um, my friend told me that she found this unknown cafe that serves lots of delicious sweets. Haruka: She said that not only does it looked really pretty she also guarantee the taste of it. …How about that? Camus: Not bad for a fool like you. I shall compliment you for managing to speak that out. Camus: But you never actually check out that place within your two eyes right. Then that means I can't exactly trust that info. Camus: You have to take a responsibility and accompany me to that cafe later. If it turns out that you're wrong….you knew what will happened, right?

Ch 2: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 11 with Camus)

-Cafe- Camus: …Chocolate cake and fluffy tiramisu, cheesecake and berry tart. And then… Camus: …Matcha mousse and super rich caramel pudding, a monstrous banana parfait… That's all, please. Server: I understand. …Please wait for a moment. Haruka: …Y-You ordered a lot. Camus: In order to determine whether the information that you gave is truly valuable or not, I need to try them as many as possible. Camus: It'd be good if these sweets will be enough to satisfy me… Heh, I'm looking forward for the result. Haruka: …Camus-senpai. You've been putting a lot of sugar in your coffee for a while now… Camus: So what? Haruka: That… wouldn't it be bad for your body? Camus: There'd be no problem. You don't have to be worried about me because I know myself better than anyone else. Haruka: T-That's right! I'm sorry for being rude. …Also, once again I'm truly sorry for what happened. Camus: You mean that script that you made a mess of? That's also no problem. Camus: I already took a glance of it before and memorize everything. I don't need that anymore. Haruka: Eh…!? Camus: Oh my. What's wrong, My lady? Is there any problem?

Ch 3: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 21 with Camus)

-Cafe- Haruka: I see… I'm glad to hear that. Camus: Your screw-up is obviously not something that should be praised for, but thanks to it, I was able to get information about this store. Camus: Since you said that this place is quite unknown, there are barely any people around creating a quite and calm atmosphere. I must say that this is actually a perfect place to enjoy sweets. Haruka: Does that mean I passed…? Camus: It all depends on the quality of the sweets. But well, I guess I can give you a passing grade first for the time being in terms of its environmental aspect. Camus: From now on, be sure to report back to me whenever you come across any information that I might like, just like this place. Camus: Whether it's useful or not, I'll be the judge for it. Understand? Haruka: I-I understand. I'll try to look around for more information! Camus: If it's necessary, then we can go again just like this to verify the information. Don't forget that you're using my valuable day off time for this, you should be grateful. Camus: …Yes, everything that I ordered is all here. Now then, time to dig in. - Camus: …Hmm. It was actually quite delicious. Haruka: I'm glad that you liked it…! Camus: For a fool like you, that was actually quite a high quality information that you provide. Camus: As a reward, I shall offer you a treat here. But, don't forget to prepare something even more higher level for the next time. Camus: I'm looking forward to see what can you do to impress me from here on out.

Ch 4: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 31 with Camus)

-Shining Agency Dorm Haruka's Room- Haruka: (Since today's my day off, I think I'll try to relax and watch some TV…) - Camus: Greetings to all the ladies and gentlemen. This time, it is I, Camus, who will be the host of the show. Haruka: (It's Camus-senpai. This… Isn't this a program show of everyone from QUARTET NIGHT!) Haruka: (In this popular program show, all of the Senpai are fulfilling the requests of the guests who made an appearance… And this time they have a film director joining them) Camus: Since this is your first action movie, I wonder if you went through a lot of difficulties. Film Director: Everyday was a series of challenges. However, I think I was able to make good use of my past experiences. Camus: There were many scenes throughout the movie where we could feel the director's style in it. For example, during this scene where they get lost on a snowy mountain… Haruka: (Camus-senpai is really good at both speaking and listening…) Haruka: (His appearance as a butler idol was also flawless. I must learn a lot from Camus-senpai's high level of professionalism.) - Camus: Now then, for the guest's request this time is, "I want to try some sweets that I, Camus, recommend". Camus: And here's what we have prepared for you. It's a beautiful Japanese confectionery. Camus: The elegant sculptures created by the artisans are truly works of art. Pardon me for being presumptuous, but I'll also be joining in for the taste-test. Camus: …The smooth texture of the bean paste that melts on your tongue. As the rich and sweet flavor spreads within your mouth, oh my, talk about how delicious it was. Haruka: (Just hearing it makes me wanted to eat them. Ha! Talking about sweets…) Haruka: (He gave me a treat at a cafe the other day, but I still haven't thanked him yet…!)

Ch 5: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 41 with Camus)

-Shining Agency's Hallway- Haruka: (I'm glad that I was able to buy a thank-you gift for him without any problem. I hope he'll be happy with it…) Haruka: Oh… Camus-senpai! Good work for today. Camus: Oh, it's you. Did you come here to cause a trouble again? I'm afraid I don't carry a script with me for you to spill coffee again for today. Haruka: T-That's not it. It's just that, I actually wanted to meet Camus-senpai again, so meeting you like this is such a perfect timing. Camus: What is it? If you're calling me out just for some nonsense then you better stop or I won't give you any mercy. Haruka: Actually, there's something that I would like to give you. Here it is… Camus: A gift for me? And looking at those paper bag, it seems to be sweets, isn't it? (choices) <It's a limited-edition sweets!> Haruka: Yes, it's a limited-edition sweets! Camus: Oh, isn't this the one that is said to be very difficult to get? I heard that you had to line up early in the morning for this… Camus: Well, not bad for someone like you. It seems that you do have a talent for being a servant. <I chose this one after a lot of consideration.> Haruka: I chose this one after a lot of consideration. I've been struggling and worried as to which one that you might like so I hope you'll be satisfied with this. Camus: That's quite an admirable mindset. Though I suppose it's only natural since you're my Kouhai. Camus: But remember that what matters is not the process, but rather the result. Let's just hope that all of your efforts won't go to waste. (back to story) Haruka: I do hope that you will like it… Please take it as a thank you for the treat you gave me the other day! Camus: I thought I told you that was your reward. There would be no end to it if you keep on reciprocating them in return. Haruka: That might be true, but I've always been indebted to Camus-senpai on a regular basis. Haruka: I've learned a lot from you as a kouhai, and I was also impressed when I saw the way you act as host on TV the other day…! Camus: Calm down. Perhaps, it might be reasonable that you give me that paper bag first. I'll let you talk as much as you like while I'm enjoying the sweets.

Ch 6: (unlocked if you reached intimacy lvl 51 with Camus)

-Shining Agency's Meeting Room- Camus: Mm…this is quite something… Here's your reward, come and have a taste. Haruka: (Looking at his reaction now, it looks like he really took a liking to it. I'm glad…) Camus: What are you spacing out for? And here I thought I told you that you can have a taste, so why don't you just take one and eat it? Haruka: Thank you so much for the offer, now then if you excuse me… Mm, it's so delicious! It's melting inside my mouth. Camus: That's right, the combination of its soft sweetness and texture is like a match-made in Heaven. On top of it, it also has a rich aroma too. It really do be tempting you to take another bite. Haruka: Camus-senpai's way of words are indeed amazing. I was amazed by some of your words on TV the other day. Haruka: You're also really good at managing the atmosphere. Even I was able to tell just how comfortable the guest was as they talk to you. Camus: I'm just doing my job as what a host should be. Camus: To be able to do anything that is asked of you is what it means to be a pro. Haruka: And I'd like to learn more from your example! Camus: Hmph. A little girl like you wanted to try to copy me, you can just keep on dreaming. Camus: However, training a kouhai is also a part of my job. Camus: …I guess it can't be helped, this time is a special exception. I will grant you a permission to come and observe me at my work. Haruka: Thank you so much…! I'll try to do my best to learn and improve a lot from you. Camus: Someone like you will never be able to match up with me for the rest of your life. But well, try to do as best as you can to catch up to me.

[greentea-and-honey]

i dont usually apologize for upcoming chapters outside of authors notes because i find that slightly corny and a bit self-involved, but as i write and this chapter gets longer and longer against my will and i add more and more.......yall. i. i'm sorry. im very sorry.

[jesusinstilettos]

I think people who are nihilists get such a bad rap. People are so cruel about it saying like “what a dogshit philosophy only selfish assholes believe” but seriously I did NOT choose to be a nihilist. I wouldn’t wish nihilism on my worst enemy. It makes every day horrible. I’m trying to at least get to optimistic nihilism or absurdism but it feels like an impossible battle. My nihilism is a trauma response. And as a white ex-evangelical in America I have no culture and connection to anchor myself in, I lost it all when I left Christianity. Be empathetic to those stuck in the throes of nihilism bc typically people don’t walk into it willingly and it’s hell on earth for some of us.

[solivagantingrebel]

Me rn.

me, writing a fic: Nice, I'm also at the ending!

me, 20 hours and 18 paragraphs later: WHERE IS THE ENDING

[luminique]

i’ve been missing camu crocotta and watanabe like a mf recently like damn… I GOTTA GET BACK INTO THE PGR GRIND LIKE SERIOUSLY AUGSJSGKS

[kennedysbaby]

invisible string

content ꒰ 2.3k ꒱ re4r leon x female reader. fluff! reader is friends with ashley. short & sweet. no warnings really. both reader & leon are hopeless romantics. and also bookworms apparently. mentions of the women in leon's life. french people slander. spoilers for the stranger by camus. not proofread, as usual. i miss autumn dearly. author's note i watched before sunrise the other night and it made me believe in love again for a second there. def recommend if you haven't seen it !! also listened to champagne coast by blood orange on repeat while writing this hehe. reblogs & comments are always very appreciated. ꣑ৎ

"He's, like, really gorgeous," your closest friend, Ashley, sighs dreamily, walking hand-in-hand with you towards the train station. The chilly October air nips at both of your cheeks, hers flushed red. "I think you'll really like him."

Given her track record, you'll be the judge of that.

"I dunno Ash," you shrug, giving the girl a lopsided smile in a poor attempt to reassure her, "He's a blonde. Are you sure he isn't the devil reincarnate?" You deadpan with a sip from your stale coffee.

At her frown, you sigh, "...I guess he did save your life."

Ashley had been dying to introduce you to Leon, whom she barely hung out with herself; his schedule was chaotic, like a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces. Between his personal life (or lack thereof) and missions in foreign countries, he almost never had the time. But finally, he had a day off, one he could dedicate to the President's daughter—and you.

"Trust me, Leon's a total sweetheart," she says as the two of you step onto the train, "He might not look it, but deep down, he's a big softie."

"If you say so," you mumble more to yourself than to her.

Gorgeous was an understatement. Through the glass windows of the café, you see Leon sitting in the corner near the record player, his blonde locks falling in front of his pretty face. A worn book is poised between his index finger and his thumb; Camus, how predictable.

The small bell above the door chimes softly as you both stumble inside, Ashley quickly waving with her sugary sweet smile at the sight of her little knight in shining armor. Oh, you had no chance with him if she was around. Your smile pales in comparison to hers; awkward and stiff.

Whatever, you didn't owe this stranger anything. Even if he was perfect in every way imaginable.

Leon smiles back at Ashley, then stares at you momentarily, before gesturing for the two of you to come on over. You have to fight the urge to physically cringe; the look he gave you felt so...weird. It wasn't exactly a nasty scowl, but it also wasn't a polite grin.

"Leon! How've you been?" The blonde gushes, taking a seat across from him; you follow right next to her. Before he gets the chance to reply, Ashley introduces you as well, "This is my friend I'm always talking about. She's the best girl I know."

You offer him a half-hearted smile, paired with a little shy shrug; damn, this man had you acting a fool already. To your surprise, he smiles back, albeit a little tensely, and nods, "It's nice to meet you."

"Like wise."

Ashley keeps the conversation afloat, mostly asking Leon about his missions—vaguely, of course, given their classified nature—and life in general. He'd reply and return the questions back to her, while you sat there with a constipated expression plastered onto your face, feeling completely out of place. Obviously, they weren't deliberately trying to single you out, but your attempts at trying to chime in had gone unnoticed. More like ignored.

You felt like a fucking third wheeler.

At least, until Ashley excused herself, claiming she needed to go to the bathroom "real quickly." Five minutes of awkward silence had already passed, mixed in with the occasional this coffee's really good and it's kind of cold in here. Leon looks at you, you look at him. Then out the window at the red and orange fallen leaves, and lastly, to the wall adjacent, just...admiring the vinyls on display.

Your eyes land upon his book, set haphazardly next to the ceramic mug, and then it hits you: you've read The Stranger, you can make conversation! At least, enough conversation until Ashley came back.

Breaking the unbearable silence, you say, meeting his gaze, "So...Camus."

Leon looks at the book, then at you, "What about him?" An inscrutable look etched itself onto his perfect features.

Ouch. Still, you persevere, "Have you read the book before? I wouldn't want to spoil it for you."

You take a sip of your vanilla latte, a maroonish lipstick mark left on the rim; this was much better than the sad cup of coffee you drank in the morning.

He chuckles, running a hand through his blonde locks. "Only a million times." Cheesy, but you could work with it. "I love French literature."

You shrug, feigning disinterest, "The French suck though."

But, not wanting to burst his bubble, you add, "The whole concept of absurdism really stuck with me, I have to admit. Sometimes I wish I could be as indifferent as Meursault. He just...doesn't care." You laugh, the words flowing so naturally it shocked you.

"Just drifting through life without any real purpose?" Leon adds for you with a light scoff, his gaze softening a bit. "In my dreams. I liked how the trial was more of a judgement of his character rather than his actions. It's almost as if the real crime was his nonchalance towards his mother's death."

That's the most you've heard Leon talk in the half an hour you'd known him. He looked so cute, explaining the parts of the book he enjoyed. You wanted to kiss him so bad.

You're both fully engrossed in each other and your shared taste in literature, the outside world fading into a blur. You can't even seem to notice Ashley, who finally returns with a sly look on her pretty face. She slides in right next to you, clasping her hands together above the table.

"Wow, you two seem to be really hitting it off." Oh, her disappearance was so deliberate. Her voice snaps you both out of your little trance.

All her comment earns are two awkward chuckles and averting gazes. It's like everything's falling into place, just how she wanted it to, so seamlessly. Ashley really was pretty good at this whole matchmaker thing. Hell, she could give Cupid a run for his money.

The more you got to know Leon, the more that sweetness Ashley had mentioned began to seep through his rough exterior, like the morning sun pouring in through parted curtains.

Now it was her getting sidelined.

Leon was slowly falling in love with you.

He couldn't help himself. Despite his awful luck with women in the past, he still found himself gazing longingly at you, wishing you were in his arms. After the little get-together with Ashley, you two exchanged numbers, started hanging out together without her. You called that night before bed. His heart nearly skipped a beat.

You were just a college girl who did ballet and enjoyed the same music & literature as him; you couldn't be like Ada, right? An ordinary civilian, someone who hadn't seen the things he and his old flame had. He felt some semblance of normalcy around you, something he couldn't even feel with Ashley or Claire. It was so refreshing.

Ever since Leon met you, he no longer found himself picking up random women at bars for meaningless sex. Almost as if he was remaining faithful and loyal to you, even if you weren't together.

He was smitten.

No one, not even the woman in the red dress, the President's doe-eyed daughter, or his closest friend, could steal his attention away from you. They were all very beautiful, Leon had to admit, but you were ethereal. Out of this fucking world.

When you called asking if he wanted to come over and watch a movie together, Leon felt his cheeks go hot, regardless of the biting cold December winds outside. He was walking back to his apartment after a rather unsuccessful mission; every muscle in his body ached, exhaustion creeping beneath his skin. But he couldn't leave you hanging.

"Yeah, sure." He manages to reply. "What movie?"

"Before sunrise." You say; Leon found your choice interesting. "It's one of my favorites. Have you seen it?"

"Who hasn't?" Leon chuckles. "I'll be over soon. Gotta take care of a few things first." He desperately needed a steaming hot shower after whatever the fuck his last mission was.

"Okay, great." He can almost hear the smile through your tone. "See ya."

Come two hours, and Leon's standing in your doorway, in all his blonde glory. "Hey sweetheart," he smiles softly; definitely a totally platonic, friendly, kind pet name specially for you. The cute look that'd sneak onto your face whenever he used it had Leon's chest tightening uncontrollably.

"Hi Leon." You let him walk past you.

He'd been to your apartment a few times before, but never alone; usually either with Ashley or some of his friends that you'd met in the two months you knew each other so far. Your heart was beating a little too fast for comfort right now, the idea of the two of you being alone together at night sending your mind into a frenzy.

There's a comfortable amount of space between you and Leon on the sofa, though you wished you were curled up on his lap. If only you knew how badly he wanted that too. The movie plays, but your concentration is on anything but. His cologne invades your senses, the subtle sound of his breathing solidifying the fact that he was right next to you.

Feigning fatigue, you "casually" let your head fall upon his shoulder, causing Leon's breath to hitch. He sits still, not daring to move an inch, afraid you might move yourself. He felt the way your knee brushed against his, your arms that were just itching to wrap around him. At first, he thought he was just imagining things; wishful thinking playing tricks on him for the umpteenth time.

But then your arms did wrap around his waist, lazily draped over him. You made yourself more comfortable, body flush against his, leaning against him like he was your boyfriend.

Leon really didn't want to say anything. But he just couldn't help it. "Everything okay?" You were generally touchy, sure, but there seemed to be meaning behind your actions this time.

"Yeah." The way you say yeah makes it seem like he's crazy for insinuating otherwise. "Why do you ask?"

"I-I don't know," Leon feels like he's dug his own grave. He clears his throat, "You're being awfully...affectionate." And now he wants to shoot himself.

You laugh. You fucking laugh. Leon blinks twice, wondering if he's dreaming.

"Do you have a problem with that?"

"Not necessarily." He coughs. "It's just a little, um," Leon frantically searches for the right words to use, "Unexpected, I guess."

"I can let go if you're uncomfortable." Please don't, he wants to say.

"Nah, it's fine. I don't mind." And on that note, you smile, returning your gaze to movie, even if Leon's face was a million times more interesting. Of course the scene playing on the screen is Jesse and Celine's first kiss. How cliché. You're both fighting the urge to follow by example.

Silence envelopes the room, the air thick with tension that never really existed between the two of you before. Getting all awkward over a kissing scene felt so awfully juvenile, but it wasn't your fault Leon had that effect on you, and vice-versa. Both of your eyes are locked on the TV, not daring to look at one another.

To your surprise, Leon says, very quietly, "You're really pretty."

His words rip through the stillness. You don't know how to respond, but also don't want to leave him hanging. So you pull back a bit, enough to get a better view of his perfect face, and smile, "What?"

"You heard me," he mumbles, baby blue eyes meeting yours. Seeing Leon all shy strikes something within you.

"I did. I just..." God, this was awkward.

"I know this might seem weird, but..." Leon sighs softly, biting the corner of his lip for a second as he searched for the best words to use. "I think you're a great girl. Sweet, too. And I really want to kiss you." He mentally chastised himself for sounding so cliché, so corny.

He quickly adds, "You don't have to say anything, by the way. I just...I needed to get that off my chest." As if you could go on normally after this.

You stare at him in disbelief, mulling over his words, wondering if he was just saying things. When you were inviting him over to watch a movie together, you didn't expect a heartfelt confession, but really it was naïve to think you wouldn't. Especially after holding onto him like that. Your reluctance to respond has Leon's expression fall flat.

So you don't say anything. You kiss him. And he doesn't waste any time kissing you back. It's soft, delicate. Testing the waters. His hands clasp onto your hips, slowly smoothing up and down your back. It doesn't take long for him to really get into it, though.

The outside world fades into nothing, the feeling of Leon's chapped lips on yours overpowering any other. "Are you sure about this?" He mumbles between kisses, unsure if you really wanted to kiss, or simply did it to please him. You mumble a quick shut up and tangle your fingers into his soft hair.

Your hips shift a bit, coaxing him into pulling you onto his lap, lips still connected together. You only get sloppier with your kisses, forcing yourself to breathe through your nose, just in case he might change his mind about all of this the moment you part.

"Easy baby," Leon whispers, pushing you back slightly; this definitely wasn't the reaction he was expecting. "I'm not going anywhere."

It's safe to say the movie didn't get finished. Good thing you both watched it before.

[thesaintofaquarius]

Seeing people characterise/see Camus as this Evil Man who sank Hyoga's mom ship further or whatever makes me so peeved because they fail to realise that 1) HYOGA CAUSED THE DEATH OF ISAAC BECAUSE OF HIS OBSESSION WITH A DEAD PERSON, 2) it doesn't matter if Isaac wasn't actually dead, he was presumed death and sank to the ocean and yeah, if your grief harms another person, it's fucking bad and 3) Camus did that (took an extreme measure) because they're saints, they're supposed to not let personal sentiments interfere with who they're supposed to be because the stakes is HUMANITY BEING OBLITERATED

Also the whole Camus freezing Hyoga was both an acknowledgement of his will to continue through the temples and meeting him as a warrior and to save him from the pain of confronting the rest of the saints and SAGA/the Pope who he Literally knows is the one responsible for eliminating the strongest person he has ever known (Aiolos is arguably the strongest gold saint) and there was NO proof that the bronze saints would've been able to win against the Pope. Like the strongest Gold Saint died by going against the Pope and everyone should be aware of the sheer level of power gap between bronze saints and gold saints.

Not to be like that but this is also a man who was disillusioned by the Pope and everyone is made to believe, within the Sanctuary, that the Pope is the closest to a God on earth without being one. That there's no one as righteous. At seven years old. Not to mention in order to be an Aquarius saint you are lowkey taught to repress your feelings, your personal attachments and yourself for logic and the greater good? This kid grew repressed but DESPITE everything, people around him knew that he had a kind heart. That despite everything he was still respectful and reasonable and never once does his convictions waver.

Camus haters can shut the fuck up, to be honest.

[acknowledgetheabsurd]

I suffered from this separation as if it were hell and yet what I have experienced with you during these three months seems irreplaceable to me. Kissing you breathless would save everything.

Albert Camus to Maria Casarès, Correspondance, March 16, 1950 [#255]

[linkspooky]

Hello, good afternoon. How are you? I would like to say that I find your analyses extremely cohesive and that you are one of the few I have seen so far who can analyze the work of Jujutsu Kaisen beyond the surface. The question I would like to ask is, what does death represent for JJK? What is its function within the manga and also what is the function of the way it is treated in the work through the fatalities that occur in the plot and with its characters? I haven't read all of your analyses, so forgive me if you have already talked about this subject before. If you see it, I appreciate your attention, and if you can't answer, I apologize for the inconvenience.

So I think at it's core Jujutsu Kaisen is a very existentialist manga. The central question that the literal main character is trying to answer himself is how can life possibly have meaning, if it always ends in death? For the first half of the manga, the fight between the main character and his villainous foil have completely opposite answers to that question. Yuji is continually searching for meaning in death, because it HAS to mean something otherwise how does life have meaning if it always ends in death? Whereas, Mahito believes that because life always ends in death it has no meaning.

I don't think one is necessarily right over the other, it's just conflicting philosophies. Yuji believes life has to have inherit meaning, and Mahito believes life has no inherent meaning. More under the cut.

Death is a Mirror

So, I believe the entire concept of Death in Jujutsu Kaisen can just be summarized as the panel I posted above. Of course I'm going to elaborate on that, but basically Death is a mirror. Humans try to find meaning out of the short life they have, because life always ends in death.

The philosopher Camus was quoted as saying once:

“There is only one really serious philosophical problem,” Camus says, “and that is suicide. Deciding whether or not life is worth living is to answer the fundamental question in philosophy. All other questions follow from that” (MS, 3). 

All philosophy is therefore, an attempt to justify whether or not life is worth living. Why are we alive? As I said above, Yuji cannot accept that life always ends in death so he tries to search for meaning in death. His grandfather's curse (telling him to save people so he can die surrounded by people) and his concept of a "meaningful" death for the first half of the manga is Yuji debating with this philosophical concept.

Yuji is introduced to the danger of the world when he is thrown into the world of sorcery. Much like Geto, he has heroic notions of being a sorcerer which are challenged when he realizes both how easily people can die, but how easily his fellow sorcerers can die as well.

This is the philosophical question that essentially broke Geto's brain. What is the meaning of young sorcerers like himself fighting and dying for an uncaring public, especially since the cycle will never be broken and sorcerers are basically sentenced to a life of continually exercising curses until they meet an early death. Then the next generation of sorcerers just continue the vicious cycle.

For Geto, death ends up negating all meaning to life. When he realizes that there's basically no meaning to the lives of sorcerers who constantly throw their lives away, he becomes completely unable to enjoy life. He accepts death at the hands of Gojo, because he couldn't continue living in the world, couldn't smile in the world with the way it was.

 In some ways, Geto and Yuuta were the same. Geto was too sincere. To someone like him, the reality that the world of sorcerers presented to him was just too cruel. '...that in a world like this, I couldn't be truly happy from the bottom of my heart.' To live for the purpose of being yourself. And for that goal, Geto could only continue to pursue his twisted dream, drowning himself in the curse that lies in the gap between ideal and reality.\ This was the final confession of a man who could only choose to warp himself, who had erased himself in pursuit of his goals. The only person who could bear such a curse was Gojo Satoru.

On the other hand Geto loses to Rika and Yuta who's love for each other is able to persist after death. In fact, Yuta's entire arc is starting out cursing Rika because he was too afraid to lose her, but when he accepts that Rika's love can persist with him after death he's able to move on and make new friends.

Of course Yuta proceeds to just be parasitically codependent with his new friends,. but that's just how Yuta is as a person. He's a funny little freak.

Even until the very end, Rika loved Yuuta deeply. It's like loving someone like the other half of your soul, like willingly giving up your life for their sake. It's the true, honest hope that no matter where they may go, there will always be good fortune waiting for them. What happened to Rika is perhaps not so strange after all. 'Death' is a conclusion that falls upon everyone equally. But Rika found someone she loved and remained by his side. All this time - until this very day - she was always by his side. Maki, Panda, Inumaki - it's all the same. Even Gojo will have a day where he dies. Yuuta will die too, one day. But there's no need to hasten it's arrival. He should smile more, explore the world more, see even more new things. That's what Rika hoped for, deep in her heart. Because the end will surely come one day, and after that rightful death - we will definitely meet again. And after that, we will always be together. It won't be too late to make good on our agreement then. So please, before that happens to you - before that happens to the one I love - live blessed by happiness.

So, Geto and Yuta are ideological opposites. Geto can't love the world where so many of his comrades and fellow sorcerers die, and Yuta is able to continue loving the world in spite of death.

When Yuta and Yuji are protagonists of their works they face the same question but with different flavors. Yuta tries to find meaning for life in love, and Yuji tries to find meaning in life by searching for a "role" to play. He states pretty clearly early on he wants to do something thyat no one else could, which is why he accepts his role as Sukuna's vessel. If he helps a lot of people, it doesn't matter to him, if he's executed in the end. If he's able to help as many people as possible.

Of course Mahito challenges this notion of Yuji's. Early on Yuji says that he feels like life will be worth less, if he has to kill people. Then Mahito presents Yuji with people he cannot save, who it would be a mercy to kill because they are living in pain. Before finally being shown that all of his efforts to save Junpei completely failed.

If he can't help Junpei in the end, then for Yuji what was the point of meeting him? What was the point of Yuji trying to sympathize with him, if he failed and Junpei dies such a gratuitous death.

I think Junpei is one of the standout deaths in Jujutsu Kaisen, because in spite of the fact we know him so briefly his permanent impact on Yuji lingers. He's the part of a pattern where every time Yuji tries to play hero and protect life he utterly fails. He's confronted over and over again with what are "meaningless deaths" in his own words.

Until Todo literally spells it out for him. That if he tries to keep searching for meaning in death, he's going to go insane. He was in danger of walking down the exact road that Geto was.

So, Yuji is nearly broken by the meaningless deaths of Nanami, Nobara and the thousands slaughtered in Shibuya in succession, and Todo's advice is basically that if you keep staring at all of the death in front of you it's not going to help at all, you're just going to drive yourself crazy.

Yuji is trying to use Nanami's death as an excuse to give up searching for meaning. If death is the end result of life, then for a moment Yuji thinks it's no longer worth living. He even tells himself to die after the massacre at Shibuya.

Then, there is Mahito who fully believes that because everything dies life is equally worthless. Since there is no meaning you are entitled to do whatever you want, because all life is just competing with each other.

Full rules of the jungle logic. Why does the deer have more right to life than the wolf, when they're both competing for survival? The wolf eats deer not because it's evil, but because it's what it does.

Mahito clearly sees himself as the wolf and humans as the prey. He doesn't need to think about the reasons why he kills humans, that's what curses do, the same way that wolves eat deer. It's just natural instinct. A wolf doesn't ponder the meaning of life. It just eats to fill it's stomach.

Mahito is trying to disprove the notion to Yuji that life has meaning or there's a greater meaning behind his actions. Which is what his speech is about, you save people without thinking and I kill people without thinking. There's no meaning for our actions, Curse and Humans are just different species that are trying to wipe each other out for survival.

What's interesting about them and why Mahito is the true mirror to Yuji, is that after their confrontation, their philosophies completely flip. Yuji decides to accept Mahito's words that there's no meaning to life. He won't search for meaning in death anymore, he'll just play his role. Sorcerers kill curses because that's their job, he's just another part of the food chain too.

In that instant Yuji becomes the wolf and Mahito the rabbit. Mahito also flips his ideals. If he were a true believer in the right of the strongest, then he would have just accepted his death when Yuji was stronger. Jogo did. He even said it doesn't need to be him in the world of curses as long as the world he wants is brought about.

Jogo knows they'll just be reborn anyway, even if they wont' be the same but he can accept that. That's the nature of a curse. However, Mahito who's name literally means "true human" and is the most humanlike of the curses wants to retain his individuality.

Yuji rejects his individuality to become a cog. Mahito runs away to try to preserve his life and his individuality instead of just accepting death and reincarnating and he ends up being turned into a tool by Kenjaku. It's a fun reversal, because as I said above death is a mirror.

In fact Mahito comes full circle in the last piece of dialogue in the entire series to show that even Sukuna was able to accept death as a part of life in the end, and accept that maybe he can change in the next life. Mahito who is paralyzed by his fear of death and believes that death negates meaning however, is the only one who remains eternally stunted as a child.

[solivagantingrebel]

I can't sleep. Maybe I need to start punching the air.

[apollokyler]

following the previous post no words honestly just him...

[originalaccountname]

#where's my absurdist dazai at 👀

*Aggressively points in “same”*

Not going to lie, I’m lowkey surprised to see someone mention absurdism and I’m very surprised that someone else shared my “absurdist Dazai” thing. It was a very nice surprise!

Unless this is you, in which case asdajshdgj hi, Anon you should go take a look at @soupthatistohot's BSD vs absurdism analysis/breakdown posts 👀

My classical reading history does not at all overlap with BSD's roster of literary works, EXCEPT for L'étranger (The Stranger) by Albert Camus, which marks the beginning of absurdism. It's where the name Meursault was taken. By pure happenstance, I had to read it twice for school (a few years apart) and I own a copy.

Around when the prison break arc was picking up, I actually went and reread the last section, when Meursault has been sentenced to death for murder and is waiting in his prison cell. Meursault is a deeply apathetic man who would describe himself as "not unhappy". He very rarely expresses any feelings, which ends up being the real reason for the jury's sentence: because he does not fit in.

To make a very long story short, a lot of it reminded me of bsd's philosophy and, evidently, of how Meursault and Dazai are similar. The lack of emotional response, the lack of a solid good/bad morality and being judged for not fitting in society that way. Meursault was never more in touch with himself than when death was so near, yet didn't want to die, but also claimed that "everyone knows life isn't worth living". Meursault's biggest show of opinion and emotion is at the very end, when he gets violently angry at a clergyman for trying to "save him" using his faith and the promise of an afterlife, when Meursault doesn't believe in God and believes that living in wait of an "after" takes you too far away from the "now".

It's acknowledging that life just is, that the struggles aren't for any bigger reason than just being. Meursault believed he lived a pretty good life, even when the reader would think it was a pretty dull and meaningless life. Without being a 1:1 with our Dazai, Oda told him that there indeed wasn't a secret meaning to it all and he should try helping others to make life more beautiful. Dazai has always been fascinated by people who fight their way through life, and he utterly dismisses Fyodor's claim that God prefers order. At the very least, Dazai sees the world as innately meaningless, only driven by people making choices and mistakes (and he still doesn't see himself as a part of that)