#saying ‘my loyalty is to her’ in front of the subject of my secret affection >>>

[ellascreams]

You know I frequently think about what Magnus Archive entities different characters from things would be warlocks for but I don’t think I’ve ever really talked about any of my thoughts on it before. Maybe I should start doing that, just for fun. Someone might find it interesting. This one is for IEYTD because I don’t expect this hyperfixation to die very soon. Spoilers for all the games. Oh and if you want to use this as inspiration for some weird crossovers you can, but please tell me if you do, because I wanna see it.

Agent Phoenix: The End This one is especially fitting if you think of the time loops as being in universe, stuck dying again and again, but it works even without that. Constantly close to death, feeling the fear of death, but never actually dying. Causing others fear because their friends have to deal with grief and their enemies have to be terrified every time they survive something they shouldn’t have. You could make an argument for The Beholding, you can for most protagonists, but it doesn’t make as much sense to me.

Handler: The Beholding He watches his agents do such dangerous things and can’t do much more than watch. He can help in someways but not too many. I imagine it would also be uncomfortable for Zoraxis agents to know they’re being watched by someone who they can’t see, someone other than the agent in front of them. Alternatively, he could be The Web. (“A mere puppeteer, they only enslave you,”) I just don’t think that works as well since he also has to answer to The Agency and he doesn’t have any malicious intent with his manipulations.

Dr. Zor: The Web Constantly orchestrating schemes from the shadows, has no loyalty to anyone and will kill their highest ranks without remorse if they interfere with their plans, too clever to ever be caught, and knows what Phoenix will do well enough to leave messages for them. Could also make arguments for The Stranger, The Beholding, The End, and The Extinction, but I think all of those connect back to their plotting and masterminding.

Daniel Sans: The Corruption Very minor character but I felt like adding him here. He made a super virus. That’s it that’s all I’ve got.

Zoraxis AI: The Buried Specifically the one in the escape pod. Does this even count as a character? No idea, but you can’t tell me that escape pod doesn’t sound like it would be the subject of someone’s statement if they got out of it alive.

Hivemind: The Corruption He’s literally just bees. Like, a bunch of bees. His name is Hivemind. What else can I even say?

Solaris: Uh The Vast Maybe? Because space? I’ll be honest I’m not really sure about this one, if anyone has any ideas I’d love to hear them.

The Fabricator: The Desolation She seems to enjoy the pain she causes with her inventions, whereas some of the scientists in game seem more like they’re just hurting people for the sake of their science. I’d also definitely accept The End for her since death traps are kind of her main thing.

John Juniper: The Stranger He’s got the masks, the acting and lying, he impersonates people, it seems like a perfect fit honestly. I guess he could maybe work for The Spiral but that’s mostly because it’s so similar to The Stranger.

Gibson: The Beholding Ok this one might sound a bit weird but hear me out. Phoenix pretends to be Gibson for a reason, his radio allows him to eavesdrop and he probably does eavesdrop just so he won’t miss Juniper’s commands. Gibson is just a butler, but he hears all about these worldwide conspiracies and gets caught in the crossfire, and there really isn’t much he can do about it. Except threatening to share the things that he’s heard, which is very affective, because he’s heard a lot of important secrets.

Shawn in HR: The Beholding Honestly he really does give me archive assistant or object storage vibes. Just doing his job hearing about and sorting the horrors. The big difference is that the horrors in this situation are corporate espionage and conspiracies.

Dr. Prism: The Extinction Ok once again, this may seem a bit weird, but hear me out. Her main goal in game is to replace the agents with robots and there is an element of humanity being replaced to The Extinction, not just everyone dying. Then there’s Zor’s betrayal destroying all her robots at once. Then she helps Phoenix save all the agents in the world from death. Even if it’s never an extinction of humanity she certainly has experience with extinctions. An alternate might be The Hunt because of her obsession with revenge and killing Phoenix or Zor, and the Agency trying to track her down.

Robutler: The Stranger or The Spiral He just seems so friendly and happy to talk to you while he attempts to kill you.

Ollie: The Lonely I swear this isn’t just because Ollie’s voice reminds me of Alexander J Newall’s. The poor guy just got abandoned in the ocean for like at least a month. His coworkers and bosses seem to be pretty mean to him too.

Director Morales: The Web He really is just running The Agency behind the scenes. We really don’t hear much about him orchestrating anything but maybe that’s just because he’s really good at it. Out of all these characters, he would probably be the creepiest to me if he was actually a warlock for an entity.

The Phantom: The Web We really don’t know much about them but they manage to leave coins for Phoenix to find everywhere they go knowing that they’ll find them. Very Web like behavior. Maybe The Hunt. The coin thing is kinda like a scavenger hunt and they do have to track down Phoenix to leave those clues.

[northern-writer]

Solid Ground ~ One

A/N: Afternoon all! Here’s the start of Diana and Steve’s journey. As stated before, these won’t be in order - just this one and the last, which are set in Season Six.

“So, you saw her then? Is she alright?”

It was a typical Friday night - for Steve and I, anyway. 

After a gruelling day of doing practically nothing, Steve and I found ourselves back at my house. Consuming copious amounts of takeaway. I was slightly tipsy from a bottle of red, whilst Steve was two bottles deep into a pack of six Peroni’s. Both of us curled up on the sofa. Steve always took the left, I the right.

Taking a rather elongated sip, Steve just seemed to huff in response, “She’s fine. Who wouldn’t be? Over at Polk, away from the likes of us.”

“Don’t be bitter Steven.”

“Believe me, I’ve tried not to be but-“ Steve couldn’t finish. Instead, taking another drink of beer. He focused his attention back on the television, where a crappy, and rather uninteresting talk show played.

But I wasn’t done, “Kate wanted a change. There’s nothing wrong with that. We should be thankful that for once, she’s happy.”

It took him a moment, then Steve shifted, his gaze meeting mine. I raised a brow, causing him to chuckle softly and return to watching the television. 

On the other hand, I found myself just staring at Steve, unable to tear my eyes away. There were a number of things occurring in my brain. Maybe it was the wine? Surely that wasn’t causing the flutterings. No, that had been there for quite some time. 

He’s my best friend. There’s not much more to it than that. Steve Arnott was the waist coated light of my life, and when I say that I couldn’t live without him, that wouldn’t be an exaggeration. He liked beer and football. A hot curry after work. I hated beer, had zero interest in football and couldn’t stand curry. But that didn’t matter. Not to us. That’s what made our friendship so special. If Steve could handle the odd episode of Married at First Sight (the Australian version, not the British,) then I could withstand attending a football match or two. We’re different, but so alike. That’s what made us. I knew that, regardless of if he had a relationship, I was his rock - his one constant, as he had been mine for so long. 

But now he wanted to transfer, leaving AC-12 behind, just as Kate had done eighteen months before.

The thought of Steve relocating made my chest hurt. It was selfish of me, but I didn’t want him to go. There was still time. He hadn’t made up his mind just yet. Work had been kicking his arse recently. This was due to unsolved murder of journalist, Gail Vella. It was an incredibly tragic murder and naturally, the handling by DCI. Davidson was starting to botch. Over the last two years, I’d had a few dealings with the DCI in question, majority of them ending with the biting of tongues and keeping my mouth shut. I wasn’t Steve. I couldn’t get myself in trouble, not again. Rather than get caught up in my thoughts, I found myself reaching for my glass of Merlot and settling into Steve’s side. He was warm and luckily, didn’t mind the intrusion; his arm going around me like it was supposed to be there. After all these years he was used to it. 

//

Steve tried to focus on the tv. He tried his hardest, his very hardest, but no matter what - he couldn’t. Not with Diana nestled to close to his side. After six years, he’d grown accustomed to seeing her, at AC-12, socially on the weekends and one thing was for certain, that without her, he’d be lost. Unable to properly function. It never mattered what he did - Almost ruined the cases; ended up in hospital after being thrown down stairs (he still hadn’t lived that one down, physically and with Diana); the many failed relationships and after all that happened with Dot, she was there. Still by his side. 

Then there was the medication. Diana wasn’t aware of that, Steve had made certain that his friend wouldn’t find out. There would be hell to pay if she did, and would only fuss him, then maybe tell on him to his mother. Not the ideal situation, if he was being honest with himself. No, secrets were better for now. 

Things weren’t looking good at AC-12 either. Everybody was consumed with the suspicious murder of Gail Vella. Hastings, Bishop, even Diana, who’s role at AC-12 had been elevated to be the only Forensic Consultant. Seeing Diana everyday made Steve feel warm. To see her smile whenever he managed to crack a stupid joke, or when Hastings quipped something incredibly Irish. It seemed to brighten the room and for that, Steve was glad. As the television grew less interesting, Steve found his mind going to other places, to the secret meeting he’d had with Kate. What a failure that had subsequently been… 

—

Steve hated Polk Avenue. He could never quite place why, but he did. Kate leaving had affected him more than he cared to admit. She was his ‘mate.’ Aside from Diana, she was the only other person who he could trust. They both knew everything about him. An unnerving thought indeed. As he parked up and flashed the lights - four times, just to be sure - Steve waited patiently for Kate to approach the car. He spotted her as she began to walk away from the building and near his car, hidden subtly by the front gates. Once she was inside, it was clear Kate wasn’t all that pleased to see him.

Turning to face him, her face incredulous, “What kind of knobby signal was that?”

Typical Kate, he thought.

“First thing that came to mind.”

“Go round the block in case anyone’s watching.” Kate instructed. Pulling her seatbelt over and on, settling into the passenger seat.

Inhaling sharply, Steve simply nodded, putting the car into drive, “No worries.” 

Together, they pulled away from the station, turning onto the street and driving away. For a moment, an awkward, unfamiliar silence filled the vehicle. It was Kate who spoke up first. Breaking the peace.

“There’s a nice little balti up the road. But, I’m guessing that’s not why you’re here, though.” She was calm about it all, but Steve could sense the tension in her voice.

“I wish,” He sighed, “Sorry mate.”

Again, Kate fell silent and chewed on her lip, letting out a quiet, “Right.”

“I can’t share any details, but we might be looking into Vella.” Steve started carefully.

Kate couldn’t believe it. 

Closing her eyes and sighing deeply, “Oh shit,” Opening them again, she found herself getting angry with the man sat beside her, “Great, so when Buckells and Davidson find out, they’re going to think-“

“They’ll think either you’re our CHIS or you’ve been embedded as a UCO.” He intercepted. Turning, he tried to smile at his friend, “That’s why I’m giving you a heads-up, Kate.”

Kate still wasn’t having it, “Steve, you know what it’s like being ex-anti corruption. I’ve had to work my bollocks off with them lot.”

Of course Steve knew this. Kate was one of the hardest workers in the force, and yet, it all boiled down to loyalty - as it always seemed to do these days. 

“Is this the gaffer’s way of getting his own back?” She continued. 

Frowning, Steve simply shook his head, “No, of course not.” 

“Why am I still calling him “gaffer?” 

Steve tried to think of something in kind. He knew why she’d moved, as did Hastings. There was no doubt about that. Sighing, Kate moved onto other subjects, ready to stop talking about her new Bosses.

“How’s Di?” She asked softly, her voice lowering for the first time since getting in. 

Kate missed her friends, even though she wouldn’t admit to that out loud. Seeing them both everyday was something she’d missed. The laughter in those off moments. A coffee when it was calm. Her weekly glass of wine with Diana - that was what she missed the most. Sure, they messaged from time to time, but now Diana was a consultant, rather than just an investigator, and with her position at Polk Avenue, time was scarce. Kate observed Steve closely. Noting how the tops of his ears turned a little pink, or how his cheeks had blushed. Internally, she smirked.

Steve let out a harsh cough and nodded, “She’s good, yeah, she’s- Alright.” 

“I do miss her,” Then, “You’re so obvious you know.” 

“What?” He was confused. 

Kate let out a snort, shaking her head amusedly, “Never mind. Forget I said anything about it.”

Steve wanted to enquire about her statement, but left it alone. Not wanting to upset the moment between them. Their conversation about Vella and Hastings continued until they reached Polk Avenue again. Then, as Steve was left alone, his thoughts returned back to Kate and her statement. What was he so obvious about?

Shaking his head, he tried to push the thoughts back and started to make his way back into the city. 

—

Collectively, the pair were silent, watching the television. Steve’s fingers brushed over Diana’s shoulder, whilst Diana made his shoulder her pillow. Separately however, their thoughts were racing. 

Both recalling the moments that had led them to this. 

[starktonyx]

Daisies (Peter Parker x reader)

Word count: 3.2k

Soulmate AU: Everyone is born with the last words they ever hear from their soulmate written on their arm.

Warnings: Angst, graphic character death.

Masterlist 

“What is up with Mr. Harrington wanting to know everyone’s words” MJ huffed as she placed her lunch tray on the table, where Ned, Peter, Liz and you sat.

“I mean what can we say, he’s a hopeless romantic” Ned joked and dramatically waved his hands in the air, to which everyone laughed. Well, everyone except for you.

Mr. Harrington had showed in class a documentary about soulmates. He then spent the rest of the class asking about people’s opinions on the subject and wanting to know what words were written on their arms. You were quiet the whole time, as you didn’t wish to participate on the debate. To you it was a private matter and you liked to keep it that way.

It wasn’t that you didn’t believe in soulmates, in fact, you loved the idea of having someone to share unconditional love and loyalty. But the rest about it? It was just cruel. The words in people’s arms were cursed, evil. They ruined people’s lives, some of them spend their whole lives being afraid, others got married and after years find out their spouse is not the one, and for the most unfortunate ones, they never even get to be together before the other one dies and they have to live knowing that. Many people liked to share their words with the world, while others kept them to themselves, the latest being your choice.

Because your words? God, you always avoided thinking about them as if that would make them disappear.

“Please don’t leave me”

Those four words might seem dumb for someone else, but to you, they held so much emotion and meaning. ‘Please’, it was the love of your life pleading, begging for you.

You knew your passing would be painful for your soulmate and you dreaded that moment with your heart. The doubt was always there, would it be too soon in the relationship and you die out of nowhere? Or maybe just maybe you both grow old together and you die next to your husband who wasn’t ready to let you go after so many years?

You prayed it was the latest. At least you would’ve gotten a life together.

You were pulled out of your thoughts when MJ not so gently smacked your arm, and suddenly all eyes were on you.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” You apologized and pretended to be interested in whatever they were saying.

“I said the words in our arms are stupid, I don’t believe in that stuff. Ned is not sure on what he thinks about it and Peter and Liz keep saying soulmates are real” MJ quickly explained and you prepared yourself to the interrogation that was about to come your way.

“And we want to know what you think about it so we can settle this down” Liz questioned as everyone looked at you expectantly once again.

“I- I have a class right now, I have to go” You excused yourself and walked as fast as you could to get out of the cafeteria, leaving your friends confused, and a certain spider boy worried.

You didn’t want your friends laughing at you just because the words in your arm affected you in such a different way than it did to them.

“Doesn’t she realize we are in lunch break or what” Ned frowned and Mj just chuckled.

“She’s been acting really weird the whole day” Liz confirmed and Peter decided it was best to see if you were alright.

He found you – kind of hiding – in the library, anxiously tapping your foot as you had your mind on everything but the book on your hands.

“Hey” he whispered sitting in front of you, the tapping of your foot stopped only for a second as you flashed him a little smile. “I just wanted to check if you were alright, I’m sorry if they were too pushy about the subject”

He innocently apologized in the name of his friends, his wide concerned eyes always focused on your reaction.

Now how do we get started on Peter Parker? A literal angel on earth. Always apologizing for anything and everything, always caring and worried, but also always so god damn oblivious. Well, maybe he was just too focused on his crush on Liz that he never noticed how in your eyes he was all you ever saw. Especially with you two being secret avengers you thought you would have a higher chance but he was so blind, or just not interested.

“Y/N?”

“I’m sorry” you apologized once more for your distraction and heavily sighed. “I just- I don’t really like to talk about the whole soulmate stuff, it’s just something I like to keep for myself” You confessed and you thought the boy would laugh at you, but he only listened carefully and nodded.

“That’s okay you know, not all of us react to it the same way” He sympathized shrugging his shoulders.

“I guess I’m just afraid of not having enough time with my soulmate you know Mr. Harrington just showed us in the video the brighter side of it” You added, leaving the book on the table and hiding your face in in hands. “And I shouldn’t be worrying about it, I’m in high school for God’s sake, people here date for fun”

“Hey hey don’t worry, you don’t have to be like them” Peter said as he took your hands and softly put them away from your face, your eyes connecting once again. “I’m afraid too, all the time” he confessed focusing on drawing little circles on your hands. “And because of our jobs as avengers, or whatever Mr. Stark wants to call us, there’s no way of knowing what will happen, so I just have to keep going not matter what. And I keep telling myself everything will be alright, so I’m saying it to you as well. It will be alright, okay? and please, never feel bad for worrying about something more than others, because your heart might be different from theirs and there’s nothing wrong with that” he finished and you couldn’t help the smile that crept on your face.

As you stared at his eyes you thought, how could a human being be so pure? Or maybe it was just your teenager hormones reacting to the cute boy. Either way, whoever was destined to be with him was so lucky to have someone so sweet understanding.

“Thank you Pete, I really needed that” you admitted as you came out of your trance and apparently he did too, letting go of your hands.

The conversation between you both left Peter a little curious, were the words on your arm that bad that you felt so scared about them? Although he wasn’t so different, he had his own struggle with the subject. His words were, well, kind of weird yet mysterious.

‘Daisies, I like daisies’

He always wondered what situation would put his soulmate and him where he would have to hear those words. Would Peter ask them what their favorite flower is and then a piano would fall on their head? Or would he meet them at a flower shop and then their heart would suddenly stop? The teenager’s imagination went wild when it came to the whole soulmate thing.

So, he never asked a girl about her favorite flowers, more so, he never even mentioned anything related to plants for that matter. Ever. Because one thing was clear, Peter Parker didn’t hate daisies, he dreaded them.

Any time he saw the familiar flower he just ran the opposite direction. Flower shops? oh don’t worry, Peter was always miles away from them. So he did understand your struggle, as everyone had their own battle with the inked words.

The day had gone by rather quickly and you both were already flying a jet to a mission, were Captain Rogers had surprisingly let you both participate. It was just Tony, Natasha, Peter and you. Apparently an easy mission. You stared at Peter who excitedly spoke to Tony about his suit. You remembered your little talk in the library and couldn’t help the blush on your cheeks thinking about how he had held your hands.

“Staring is rude you know” Natasha nudged your arm as she laughed at you, and you shushed her before clapping back.

“For someone who is so young you sound like a grandma you know” you retorted pretending to be mad but a smile threatened to come out.

“Well, then let me tell you some of my grandma wisdom” She sat straighter in her seat. “The kid won’t know you like him if you don’t tell him, you know” She announced, making you roll your eyes.

“Wow suddenly I can’t hear” You joked and she had a smirk lingering her lips.

“Well, who’s the grandma know” She claimed and you finally let out a laugh.

Oh how you wish you were back at the jet laughing with Nat, instead of caught in a damn ambush in the middle of a hydra base. The plan had gone smoothly for about 10 minutes, before the agents multiplied and suddenly you were all surrounded in your positions. You were caught in an open field, throwing punches and kicks – after you ran out of bullets– putting up a pretty good fight but the agents kept coming and coming, as soon as you got rid of one group another one came, and you felt like there was no escape. For someone like Tony it would’ve been easier to fight multiple people because of his suit, and even for Nat because of her skills. Of course you were highly trained but you still had a lot to learn before you got to the widow’s level.

You guessed that’s why the avengers didn’t take the teenagers to missions more often.

“I cleared my building, how are you guys doing” You heard Natasha panting at the comm.

“I’ve almost cleared mine, I’ll get the intel after that” Tony’s suit was heard in a building close to you but you kept focused on fighting, your muscles already starting to ache. You finally gave the final punch to the last man from the third group of agents that had attacked you. His body fell unconscious on the snowy ground.

“Uhm I- I could use a little help” You admitted as you saw another group of about 9 agents getting closer to you. You noticed how they were about to shoot but before you could shield yourself a red and blue armor stood right front of you, shielding you from the bullets.

“Alright guys I’m afraid the party is over” Peter announced as he ran towards them and activated the suit’s spider legs, he started fighting the group and in a matter of seconds they were all laying on the ground.

“Show off” You whispered rolling your eyes, but if you were being honest you felt relieved, you had asked for the help after all. “Thank you” you tiredly smiled at him, you felt out of breath from the fight.

“Anytime darlin’, you did a pretty good job yourself” He admitted looking at the about 20 men laying on the floor behind you.

“Yeah well I-“

Everything happened so quickly, one minute you were standing before Peter and now you were laying on the cold snow with his arms holding you, struggling to breathe as your whole body felt like it was hit by a truck.

Peter hadn’t seen the sniper watching you from a distance, and it was too late when he did because the agent had already used all the bullets he had on you.

And there was way too much blood.

“Pete- Peter” You managed to get out as your vision threatened to get blurry, but you could still see Peter’s tear stained face.

“O-oh my god Y/N” He blurted out as he looked for a way to stop the bleeding, but it was pretty much impossible. Everything was so red he didn’t even know where it was coming from. “Don’t talk, you’ll be alright okay”

You felt how Tony landed right by your side, his mask disappearing showing you his shocked features as he kneeled right beside you. Nat arrived seconds before, imitating his actions. And their faces told you everything.

“It’s that bad huh” You chuckled, frowning immediately as you coughed blood, tasting the metallic flavor in your mouth.

“No no no, you’ll be just fine. M-Mr Stark is here okay? He’ll do something” Peter assured you, the tears never stopped adorning his face. “Right Mr. Stark?”

Tony had said “no” millions of times to the teenager before, but how could he do that now? Peter was exasperated, his hands were shaking and he was sure he would pass out at any given moment.

“Why do you keep looking at me? Do something!” Peter yelled at him but the mentor didn’t take it personal.

Tony Stark didn’t have the heart to tell Peter Parker that the girl in front of them wouldn’t make it further than a couple minutes. So he just lowered his eyes and focused on you instead, a young girl who didn’t deserve what was happening right now.

“You did well kid, we’re so proud of you” He lovingly said grabbing your left hand. “I’m so sorry” he apologized as he felt guilty for bringing you to the mission, but it was too late for regrets, and now he was just left to cry because he couldn’t stop the inevitable.

“We love you so much” Nat continued choking a sob, caressing your hair. “You are a wonderful girl”

Peter looked between the adults expressing their goodbyes, but he refused to believe it was over. You watched from your position how he denied with his head and looked somewhere else. The pain was slowly getting away and you knew what that meant.

You were not ready to go. Who would be at 16 years old?

“P- Peter, please look at me” You called him and his puffy eyes met yours. He noticed you were crying too. You took a deep breath, the normal task quickly becoming harder. “I’m scared Pete, I’m so scared” You confessed and his eyes softened.

“It’s o-okay, I’m also afraid remember. All the damn time” The boy cursed, feeling helpless. “It’ll be alright Y/N, just– just think about pretty things darling” He comforted you one more time and took your free hand in his. He tried to smile for you but the tears never stopped coming.

So you did too. You smiled thinking about him, his curly hair softly framing his forehead, his pretty pink lips talking about something nerdy, his lovely puppy eyes shining when he talked about being spiderman. But of course you wouldn’t admit the ‘pretty thing’ was him, so you went for your favorite flowers instead.

“Daisies, I like daisies” you blurted out, thinking about laying down next to him in a camp full of the beautiful flowers, instead of the cold stained snow below you.

Those words were all it took to for Peter to lose it. When he heard the words coming out from your lips, his whole world stopped. His breath was caught up in his throat and suddenly he was the one having trouble breathing.

“It’s you” He whispered as he came to the realization of the love of his life dying right in his arms. “No no no! this is not real” the kid started panicking even more than he was before and the adults looked at him, worried at his sudden outburst.

“Pete-“ Tony called out to him but Peter kept his focus on you.

“You can’t do this you can’t say you like daisies” he desperately argued and you frowned, you didn’t understand what was happening and you certainly didn’t have time for that. “You can’t go, you can’t–” he struggled to speak as he was choking on his own sobs “you can’t go when it’s been you the whole time I-“

The kid stopped for a moment, looking up at the sky, praying that whatever was going on at he moment was just a bad joke, a bad dream, not real life. He returned his eyes to yours once again, and the words that left his mouth hurt you more than the wounds from your body.

“Please don’t leave me”

No. There was no way. You finally understood his breakdown, but now it was too late. You felt so many emotions at once that you started coughing again tasting more blood in your mouth and your heart couldn’t keep beating anymore. You knew it was over, and you couldn’t do anything else but sadly smile as the last breath took place, your last memory being getting to know who was your soulmate, even if it was cruel and evil, it was what it was.

Life had given you everything, except for one thing. A chance with the love of your life.

“NO NO NO” he bawled and threw himself over your body, crying on your chest not caring about all the blood that was there. “You can’t go, don’t go please I- I can’t I won’t – please don’t”

Tony’s and Nat’s hearts were broken, seeing you go and the other kid bawling on your body was a view none of them ever thought they would have to go through.

“Pete-“Tony’s voice cracked as he put his arms on Peter’s shoulders, trying to move him but he quickly pushed him away.

“NO YOU DONT GET IT” Peter barked as he held your body tight. “She – she said she liked daisies and that – that’s ridiculous you know” The kid suddenly started letting out nervous laughs and the adults couldn’t be more confused about his behavior. “It’s ridiculous because my soulmate likes daisies and I– I never thought” his laughs stopped and tears started falling again “I never thought it would be her, and just today we – we talked about this. So it’s ridiculous. It’s so god damn ridiculous it can’t be real, this is not real” The kid started sobbing again on your chest.

“Kid- “

“It’s okay Tony, let him” Nat interrupted him as the realization hit her like a truck.

Peter and Y/N were soulmates. They were soulmates who would never be together.

So she let Peter cry all he wanted, his grip always firm on your lifeless body. They sat there, mourning for hours, until the sun was coming down and they quite literally had to rip the kid away from your body to take you back to the compound. To take you home. Tony didn’t know what hurt the most, having to tell the avengers they had lost their youngest member in what Cap had called ‘an easy mission’ or seeing Peter still holding your hand on the jet. At least he appeared to have ran out of tears.

Peter felt like he would pass out from feeling so many things. How could he be so stupid? So blind? He had been drooling over Liz for so long when the love of his life was right in front of him. You were in front on him. And now you will never be. The rest of the jet ride he never let go of your hand, and he wished he could hold it forever.

One thing was more than clear now. Peter no longer ran away from daisies, instead, every time he saw one a nostalgic smile adorned his face and was reminded of the amazing person you were, with a heart as beautiful as the flower.

Peter Parker no longer dreaded daisies, he cherished them, as he should have done it with you.

[laurelsofhighever]

The Falcon and the Rose ch. 67 - The War Dog in the Slips

Chapter Rating: Teen Chapter Warnings: None Relationships: Alistair/Female Cousland, Cailan/Anora (background) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Fereldan Civil War AU - No Blight, Romance, Angst, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, Fereldan Culture and Customs, Cousland Feels, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Read on AO3

-------

This letter is written on fine paper, in a steady if slightly scrawling hand, pressed with the seal of a rose in burgundy wax.

 Twelfth day of Wintermarch, 9:33 Dragon

Dear Cailan,

Rosslyn agreed to marry me! She said yes, can you believe it? I know Brantis says personal matters should come after business in official correspondence, but this is important. She’s going to be my wife. I know I didn’t tell you I planned to ask her, or really ask permission, and I’m sorry for that. Everything after the battle was so muddled. To be honest when I did the words sort of slipped out without me really thinking about them, but I know you’ll be happy for me – us. There’s an us now.

Fergus has agreed to the match, to make it official as the head of her household, although Rosslyn said she would have challenged him to a duel if he’d refused, and of course after all the excitement died down she just had to go and be clever and point out there would need to be a wedding if I really wanted her to be my wife.

Since I do (very much) that’s part of the reason for this letter – neither of us know how to plan a wedding. The last one either of us attended was yours, and of course we didn’t have any hand in the arrangements. Rosslyn (my wife-to-be!) has been quiet about it, but I know she feels a bit out of her depth and misses the experience her parents might have shared with her, but we would both be honoured if you and Anora would lend your wisdom. She is writing a similar request to her grandparents in the Storm islands, and – she’s just smiled at me and now I’ve completely lost my train of thought. I never thought I’d be so lucky.

In any case, we should be with you in Denerim within two weeks, though our departure from Highever may be delayed for a few more days. R is worried about her brother’s condition, even though Enchanter Amell has agreed to stay behind and continue as his healer, and she herself is recovering only slowly from her injuries – slower than she would like, anyway. She has resumed training since you left, and is determined as I’ve ever seen her. Despite the strain, she’s insistent on learning the use of her left hand for more than just shieldwork. I understand why, but she keeps accusing me of clucking over her like a broody hen. I would have thought I’d merit something a little more impressive, like a dragon, or maybe a griffin. When I say that it makes her laugh, at least, so it isn’t all bad.

But I cannot take up an entire letter talking only about my betrothed(!) when the report of your victory in Denerim lies on the desk in front of me. We hope all is well, and that casualties have been minimal. We have also received news of unrest in Amaranthine, from both the banns and the people, which I hope won’t cause too much of a delay in us joining you, but aid has to be brought to the freeholders and sedition routed before it really takes root. One day, we’ll have a year where the entire country isn’t at its own throat – won’t that be nice.

Your brother,

Alistair

PS, She knows about the book. I’ll say no more and only mentioned this much because otherwise you’ll ask and then she’ll ask why I’m blushing and then I’ll have to tell her. Just know I’m happier than I thought possible, and that your advice is something I don’t know how to repay.

--

Cailan’s grip on the letter warped the paper as he scanned it a second time, the carefree betrayal of happiness turning a sour feeling in his stomach. His thoughts were unworthy of him, but shadows had preyed on his mind since the battle at Highever, twisting even the most innocent of gestures into cynical attacks, and it took effort not to perceive every line as a slight. He ought to be happy for Alistair, that his brother and Rosslyn had found contentment together, but the snide hollow in his mind that had been gaining a louder and louder voice in recent days pricked at the fragile walls he tried to build around his charity. Would it really be too far a stretch to believe the letter a veiled crow of triumph, his half-brother gloating that he had won the affection of the woman who rallied armies around her with a mere word and whose smile lit her face like the first grace of morning? To think of the queen she would have made…

She blamed him for what happened to her, he knew. He had been too paralysed by the strange terror that had come over him to run to her aid before the walls of Castle Cousland, and that shameful hesitation had almost cost her life. The sudden still on the battlefield haunted him. The shriek of pierced metal and the silence that followed chased him through his nightmares every time he closed his eyes, mocking him, goading him with the lack that everyone had seen in him since he took the throne. Maric would not have hesitated so; the great rebel king who had saved Ferelden would have rushed to put himself before the blade, would have won the heart of the fair maiden, would have halted Loghain’s descent into madness before it even began and thereby spared his subjects the chaos of war.

And Alistair – his brother was a proven warrior, amiable and respected. What had Rosslyn seen in him that she had not seen in the king himself? The pair of them must laugh at him, whispering secrets and plans in their bower as they held each other close. They had stood against Eamon, and won the trust of the Storm Islands – how short a leap it would be, with the other deals they must have made in Orzammar, and the Bannorn, and across the Waking Sea, for them to supplant him. When they reached Denerim, the people would cheer them as deserving heroes and the court would fawn over them while he looked on and was forced to smile even as they drove the dagger into his back.

One of the logs in the fire cracked and fell into two pieces. As the sparks vanished up the chimney, Cailan rubbed a hand down the side of his face and deliberately folded the letter from Alistair before laying it aside on the desk. He was sleeping poorly, and the fatigue made him restless, suspicious. On some days, even Anora turned into an enemy, one whose movements he tracked down to the wine she poured for him, so that he might discover any hint she still took her father’s side and only waited to overthrow him. In those moments, he dreaded that Rosslyn had told the queen of the half-baked plan to divorce her, and any protest from the more valiant part of himself was smothered by the knowledge that the Gwaren soldiers paroled at Highever had sworn their loyalty to his wife, and not to him.

“The people are starving, the nobles discontented, and sleep will not come for me,” he grunted, reaching for the decanter of brandy he had set on the table next to him. “I suffer nothing more.” The lies slipped away more easily with drink, and the fog that settled over him was preferable to the chase of dreams through his mind, the swirls of green smoke and voices calling out in reproach.

Next to him, an elderly mabari with milky eyes and a grey mask of fur around her muzzle lifted her head to whine at him.

“I know, Biscuit. I should know better than to disturb your naps with my malaising.” He reached down to stroke her head as she dropped it on his lap. “Any insight you can give me into Loghain’s plans would be helpful.”

There was the truly disturbing part. Rosslyn’s bartered blood mage had revealed that Erimond had planned to open a gateway to the Fade using the bloodshed at Highever, and whether or not Loghain had been party to the full plan, only luck had turned the battle’s purpose before the ritual was completed. All intelligence now pointed to a search for an equally powerful source of entropic energy. Regardless of whether Erimond found it, the threat to Ferelden now went beyond mundane civil war.

Biscuit whined again, and added her paw to Cailan’s knee, looking up with the same imploring, white-rimmed gaze she had first used on him as a pup when he had walked through the kennels on his twentieth birthday. The door to the study opened and he caught the smell of lavender and orange flowers, Anora’s winter perfume, and the tap of her shoes on the floorboards. Tail wagging, the dog creaked to her feet and limped over to ask for attention from the newcomer.

“What do you have there?” the queen asked as she bent to scratch between Biscuit’s shoulders. Her gaze swept over the accounts and reports organised on his desk, the ones he had been perusing when his thoughts took their dark turn. At first, she had been surprised that he applied himself voluntarily to bureaucracy, had been snide about Rosslyn’s apparent ability to train him to paperwork when his own wife could not, but in the time since arriving in Denerim, she had offered only help. He pushed away the thought that she was just waiting for him to prove himself incompetent and offered her a smile.

“It’s a letter from Alistair,” he said. “My brother has asked Lady Rosslyn to marry him, and she has accepted.”

She nodded. “They deserve some happiness after all of this – her especially. It is a shame her parents are not here to marry them out of her own house.”

“A greater shame that they were murdered,” he replied.

Anora pursed her lips, deciding whether to rise to the bait, but straightened her shoulders after a moment and crossed the room to lay yet more papers onto his desk.

“I came to bring you the scout reports from the Southron Hills,” she told him. “Though I hope you will not linger as late tonight as you did yesterday. You need your rest, and Ferelden needs it too.”

Meeting the pale blue gaze, Cailan slumped. His wife stood with the same neutral poise that had so fascinated him growing up, her hands folded in front of her and every golden hair on her head perfectly set in place, waiting for him to respond. And he was being unworthy, as sulky as he ever was as a teenager realising his life would never truly be just his alone. The events of the past year were not her fault; Loghain had used them both to further his own ambitions.

“Forgive me.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I am suffering a lack of sleep, now I think on it.”

The narrow shoulders, held so stiff and straight, relaxed slightly. “I worry for you.”

“Have dinner with me tonight,” he suggested, conviction settling the tremor in his voice. “We can… talk.”

“I am at my husband’s disposal, of course,” she answered, the smile she turned on him guarded, but genuine in the way it brought a crease to the corners of her eyes.

“Good. That’s – good.”

The past could not be undone, but nor could he step forward with despair keeping pace like a hound at his heels. Unless he fixed the problems that had led to war in the first place, he might find himself sitting in the very same position at some point in the not-so-distant future, presiding over a divided court with bodies towering on both sides. It was not just a habit for paperwork Rosslyn had drilled into him over the months on campaign; her wisdom haunted him. One who cannot keep the peace has not yet won it.

[in-tua-deep]

What animal do you think suits each of the umbrella kids the most?

okay what you don’t know is that i’m a sucker for a his dark materials au with daemons so i’m sorry if that’s not what you want but that’s what you’re getting lmao

forewarning: this is super self indulgent and i only have actual reasons for like maybe half of these 

Luther: a dog! If you want specifics probably an Anatolian Shepherd dog bc they’re big motherfuckers and muscular as fuck. I did toy with a big animal like a bear but ultimately I think a dog just because simply: Luther obeys Reginald without question and has incredibly loyalty to a man that never cared about his wellbeing. Plus, you know, the family would rib at him about being Reginald’s loyal dog and all that. Plus it’s a good set up for his rivalry with Diego that I’ll yell about in a minute. 

So yes, Luther’s daemon settles as a bigass dog. She’s pragmatic and can be cold and often tries to model herself after Reginald’s daemon. She can be somewhat self righteous and very blunt. She tends to say exactly what she’s thinking without sugar coating it and doesn’t care if Luther has to stumble to save face. “You think one of us killed dad.” Diego says. “No not ‘one of you’, specifically you, Diego. You have an alibi?” Luther’s daemon says in front of the family, god, and Five’s portrait on the mantle.

Diego: a wolf! This sets up a big rivalry between Diego and Luther as they have somewhat similar daemons except for the fact that Luther’s is a domesticated canine and Diego’s is a wild one. Luther often uses Diego’s daemon to say that Diego is too wild to lead the team and that’s why he’s in charge. It’s mainly because while Diego does his whole lone wolf act, he’s shown to be pretty protective of the people he considers his and really he does need a pack. Even though he tells Klaus no, he doesn’t bother enforcing it when Klaus insists on hopping in the car anyway. He wants to be leader of the pack, but is awkward when he tries to be in charge bless his heart.

Diego’s wolf daemon is a not-so-secret softie. She prompts Diego to interact more with his family and sends longing glances towards Detective Patch and her daemon. She doesn’t get along with Luther’s daemon and always bristles when she’s around, though Luther’s daemon tends to ignore Diego’s and act like she’s above it all which just makes the issue even worse tbh. Diego’s daemon doesn’t shy away from her instincts and refers to the family as her pack and is very vocal about both not killing Grace (though later she sits and whines when Diego does it) and letting Vanya out (Diego spits vitriol about Vanya but his daemon is suspiciously silent on the subject).

Allison: a burmese python! I will freely admit that i chose this 90% because of the feather boa in the beginning dance scene because I want Allison to have her daemon constantly draped around her neck and on her body, but snakes do tend to be associated with manipulation as well in some stories even though I can’t see it looking at their cute little faces?? But I mean Allison’s whole gig is manipulation so it fits even though I’m only justifying it after the fact lmao. 

Allison’s daemon is very laid back and rarely speaks up. Allison often accuses him of being lazy because she tends to carry him everywhere and he’s constantly on the hunt for warm places to curl up in. He used to ride on the back of Luther’s daemon a lot when Allison got fed up of carrying him. Uses the fact that he doesn’t have eyelids to stare people down when they’re being irritating. Generally does not appreciate the negative press that comes with being a snake daemon and secretly him and Allison both wonder if him being a snake was a factor in her not getting custody of Claire. (Allison didn’t appreciate what he settled as and they fought about it, there’s still some tension between them on occasion because of it)

Klaus: a black cat! I almost gave him a raven because reasons but I ended up with a cat for pretty simple reasons: Klaus is pretty much a stray cat in human form tbh just look at him. Also because cats stare off into corners like they can see the dead and damned so I thought it was somewhat appropriate, and black cats are considered both lucky and unlucky depending on where you like (which lemme tell you as a black cat owner who moved from a lucky to unlucky area was a wild thing to find out). 

Klaus’s daemon is very sarcastic and a lot less forgiving than Klaus himself is. They hold a grudge to say the least. While most daemons tend not to speak to people who aren’t their own, Klaus’s daemon doesn’t give a single shit and will talk to anyone they damn well please. Doesn’t get along with Luther’s daemon because they constantly talk shit about Reggie and Reggie’s daemon, but gets along very well with Diego’s daemon and has ridden on her shoulder more than once. Shares Klaus’s power in that they can see the dead but ignores them even harder than Klaus because they’re secretly freaked out that ghosts don’t have daemons. Klaus and his daemon also hang out with Ben’s daemon, who for reasons unknown didn’t burst into dust upon Ben’s death but she generally stays out of sight.

Five: one part of me says hare because of the cryptic value and eyes that look like they could kill you and also jumping jokes and another part of me says hummingbird for plenty of good reasons but an even larger part of me says that I don’t have to choose because I can just symbolically make his daemon unsettled. She wasn’t settled before the apocalypse and then he kind of… never really grew up. Part of a daemon settling is growing up and knowing yourself but Five didn’t have a chance to do that, he was too focused on his goal. They both dislike the fact that she’s unsettled because they think it’s childish, but it’s also very handy because it means she’s adaptable as fuck. Maybe she pretends she’s settled as a hare or something while they work for the Commission idk and it’s a little reveal when he’s back home. Maybe they’re also separated like a witch’s daemon due to the Commission?? unclear

Five’s daemon tends to fade into the background if you’ll let her. She tends to be standoffish but is exceptionally observant. She very rarely speaks to anyone outside of Five, even among the siblings, though she’s not above bluntly calling them out if Five isn’t around and she deems it necessary. She likes Vanya best, though she was also fond of Ben. She tends to be the voice of reason for Five and probably takes most of Dolores’s lines in telling him drinking is bad for him or that his equations are wrong. There’s probably a dramatic scene where she’s revealed to be unsettled where she turns into a big fuckoff animal and fucks up the Handler or something idk but otherwise she’s pretty content to remain a hare and do a good impression of the rabbit from monty python if people fuck with her.

Ben: something smaller and easily hidden. My heart says rat because they’re so fucking good and smart so that’s what I’m going to run with, and also because they’re often viewed negatively and Ben has a power that he also views negatively rip. Also I’m gonna be real the idea of Klaus and Ben’s daemons being absolute bros as a cat and a rat also amuses me so there’s that and this is my au i do what i want. 

Ben’s daemon was withdrawn before his death and even more so after. No one knows why she didn’t turn to dust when Ben died, but she didn’t. None of the other siblings knew that she survived because she asked Klaus not to tell, worried that Reginald would experiment on her to try and figure out why she didn’t vanish. She spent most of their time before Klaus left hiding in his room, and after she hides in his clothes a lot and likes when he wears items with hoods (like Ben used to) because she likes to curl up in them. Like Five’s daemon, she doesn’t talk much. 

Vanya: a spotted owl! I wanted to give Vanya a winged daemon that can’t fly for most of the duration of the plot despite having wings because of general symbolism reasons regarding Reginald “clipping her wings” by suppressing her powers with medication and all that. Honestly I mostly picked a spotted owl on a whim because I like owls (I was a guardians of gahoole kid) and I think that the hints of white on a spotted owl would be a cool allusion to her powers and also there’s some sick imagery in her powers activating and her daemons colors reversing so that he’s primarily white soooo i do what i want is the answer

Like I said above, Vanya’s daemon is a bird daemon who… doesn’t fly. He mostly spends his time on a perch that Vanya bought for him in her apartment. He doesn’t actually spend a lot of time physically on Vanya outside of when they’re travelling somewhere, and she usually puts him down immediately when she arrives at her destination. He usually just walks about the house but like a chicken can do a sort of jump/flap combo to get up to surfaces so he’s alright for the most part. I want to say part of Leonard’s manipulations was that he also has a bird daemon and they try and teach Vanya’s daemon to fly as well as for her to access her powers.

and outside of the main kids (these aren’t nearly as well thought out and are liable to change probably - 

Reginald: a fox. Cunning and intelligent and adaptable, she’s regal and stone cold, never speaking directly to any of the children and she often acts as if they don’t exist or are so far beneath her they might as well not. Her coat is always pristine, her dark eyes are always watching, and her teeth are dazzling and sharp and threatening even though the kids see her far more rarely than they do their father. She’s a ruthless pragmatist and often served as an observer during their training, after which she would whisper in Reginald’s ear and oftentimes there was a new and inventive torture waiting for them. Sometimes the kids feared her more than they feared their father. She’s only ever shown anything even approaching affection to Luther’s daemon, and even that was just brushing herself past the other daemon and allowing a brief touch.

Hazel: a big grizzly bear. They often both complain about the lack of accommodations for large daemons when she has to squeeze her ass into their tiny motel rooms or in diner booths and restaurant tables in general. Tends to just stay in the hotel room and allow people to assume Hazel has a small daemon since they’re separated and her bulk is often cumbersome for missions. Has 100% charged in as the cavalry and fucked people up though don’t mistake her whining for her not being very dangerous.

Cha-Cha: my heart says a mountain lion and so that’s what i’m going with. Large and can do a lot of damage given the opportunity with those claws, pretty sneaky and damn good at his job. Is probably the one who scruffs Klaus’s daemon when they kidnap him from the house. He has a wicked sense of humor that Cha-Cha doesn’t always appreciate and always goes with for missions because he genuinely enjoys their work, doesn’t understand why Hazel’s daemon would rather stay behind.

Grace: yes I understand that Grace is a robot and no that’s not going to stop me from saying that Reginald gave her a mechanical clockwork butterfly daemon because I say so and because I think his daemon would have insisted that it’s far too creepy to look and see a human without a daemon and he’s trying to make her as realistic as possible, right? The butterfly is technically an extension of Grace, however Reginald never gave her daemon a voicebox because he deemed it unnecessary. He usually just sits on Grace’s shoulder slowly opening and closing his wings. A plot point is Grace finally naming her daemon for herself because Reginald never bothered with a name for him either.

The Handler: The Handler doesn’t have a daemon. Five asks her where her daemon is in the flashback scene where she recruits him and she laughs and tells him that that’s a rude question and never answers him. The daemon never shows up and other people and their daemons are noticeably unsettled by this. Five’s daemon genuinely is frightened by the Handler and tends to hide behind him, which the Handler comments upon with a saccharine smile. They never do figure out what happened to her daemon (though one of the office workers shares a rumor with Five that the Handler killed her own daemon for questioning the commission).

Patch: a terrier! My heart says border terrier so that’s what I’m going with. Dogged and unwilling to let go when she feels like she’s on the scent of something, she’s a good police officer even if she has torn loyalty to Diego as well. He’s a hardy little thing and he encourages her to bend the rules so much so that it used to be a running joke that her daemon might as well be Diego’s. Her daemon doesn’t bother with the hostilities and is always pleased to see Diego’s daemon. For the most part they just watch their idiot humans snipe at one another and are content to chill until Patch makes Diego leave. Their daemons always cheerfully say bye to each other and that they’ll see the other again soon even

Dave: my heart says also a dog. Probably a farm dog. Australian Cattle Dog, maybe? because my heart also says that Dave was probably raised as a good honest farm boy or at the VERY LEAST his grandparents had a farm he spent his summers on as a child. Very loyal. She absolutely adores Klaus and his daemon and Klaus’s daemon curled up with her constantly. Touching another person’s daemon is a social booboo but out there in Vietnam both daemons saved the other’s human at least once. Dave’s daemon pretends that she’s more sensible than him and often would complain at Klaus’s daemon that the sexual tension was genuinely killing her and if they kept gazing into one another’s eyes on the disco floor she was gonna barf. Klaus’s daemon would just roll their eyes because it’s not like they as daemons weren’t all touchy feely. Klaus’s daemon could be constantly seen grooming Dave’s with their little cat sandpaper tongue and Dave’s daemon constantly rested her head on Klaus’s to go to sleep sO. The scene where Dave dies is doubly sad because you see her turning into dust as Klaus’s daemon howls.

Agnes: almost forgot Agnes whoops. But I choose… a canary! Why? Because they’re bright and pretty and sing nicely and she would forever be explaining that yes, her daemon is a canary but it isn’t a domestic canary so that’s why he has brown on him and isn’t pure yellow. That and I think it would be sort of cute if Hazel’s attention was caught by pretty birdsong initially so a songbird it is. Agnes’s daemon, when her and Hazel are together, likes to snuggle down into Hazel’s daemon’s fur and make a small attempt to preen her even though she’s like a million times his size. He’s absolutely fearless and doesn’t hesitate at Hazel’s large daemon like a lot of small daemons do which endears him to the assassin duo. Like genuinely I picked canary on an absolute whim but that same goes for most of these and no one can stop me.

is that everyone?? i think that’s everyone

EDIT: I FORGOT LEONARD which goes to show how much i repress his existence

Leonard: a great skua. Am I basing this on the fact that I wanted his daemon to be a bird for plot reasons and the first mean bird I could think of was that one dude who wanted to eat baby Mumble in Happy Feet? maybe. But yeah a generally normal looking bird with the capacity for great violence there we go that’s my reasoning thank you and good night. His daemon is unsettling to literally everyone except Vanya probably tbh and Vanya calls Allison out on daemon stereotyping because Allison has a SNAKE she should be BETTER THAN THAT. But yeah that’s all I got for tonight thanks for reading lads.

[dearlazerbunny]

Lie to Me (Ch. 14 of 28)

Pairings: Loki x Reader

Genre/Ratings: M eventually (aiming for a slow burn here); warnings for kidnapping and subsequent anxiety/PTSD (will be marked before every chapter)

Words: 2,700

Summary: If you had to guess what the captured, traitor, trickster god Loki Laufeyson wanted or needed at this moment, a babysitter would be far, far down on the list. (Set after the events of Avengers 1.)

SHOUTOUT TO @molmcb and @jessiejunebug, who are now happily living in my closet amongst my cosplays and stuffed animals

Requested Tags: @deraniel​, @iamverity,  @yasnooshka24, @wegingerangelica, @themusingsofmany, @dark-night-sky-99, @tarynkauai, @stuffandstuff-stuff, @angelicshinigami, @my-current-fandom-is, @geekysimmerthings

Another vague email, another secret meeting. Par for the course you suppose. You brace yourself to walk into another room full of superheroes, but thankfully when you push open the door there’s just two relatively standard-stock agents in black suits, albeit with incredibly stony faces. The man gestures for you to sit, and you do so at the head of the table, so the pair are flanking you on either side.

“Hello.” You set your stuff down. “Can I help you?”

The female on your right, wearing her hair in a severe bun, raises a perfectly groomed eyebrow at you. “Do you know why you’re here, agent?”

“No, you guys didn’t exactly put it in the subject line,” you joke, but are met with nothing but glares. Yikes. Tough crowd. “Am I… did I do something?”

“Not precisely.” The man sitting on your left hand side pulls out a few unassuming folders and sets them across from you. “My name is Sitwell. We recently received a few… interesting reports, from Agent Barton.”

Oh, crap. This can’t be good. “I see. What about?”

“How long have you been assigned to Loki, Y/N?”

“Um-” you count back the months in your mind. “It’s been a while. Eight months? Nine?”

“And what would you say your relationship to the prisoner is?”

You can’t help but wince a little at how he says the word prisoner. “Friendly, I guess. I mean, you talk to someone every day for almost a year, you get used to them, I suppose.”

The man- Sitwell- nods. “Agent Barton expressed similar sentiments. While it appears your assignment has been going smoothly, there have been concerns regarding your  ability to maintain… neutrality.”

You bristle. “What does that mean?”

He slides a folder towards you, flipping it open. “You were in D.C. for the Incident, correct?” You nod. “I’d like for you to take a look at some photos.”

The first photo, in horrifically excellent quality, is a skyscraper crumpled to ruin, its steel bones twisted and mangled into a fatal position. The street before it is upended, with concrete shattered everywhere.

You know what these pictures are from. You’ve seen the news. The city workers pushing rubble from one place to the next. The memorial reels commemorating the funerals of those caught in the crossfire that day.

Despite trying to brace yourself, your stomach twists at the images of carnage marring New York’s proudest city. You aren’t heartless, you can imagine the anxiety that permeates the alleyways. Once, it was the city that never sleeps. Then someone finally put its lights out.

“If you’ll flip to the last photo, please.” A picture of an incredibly unassuming man greets you. Receding hairline, watery blue eyes, same professional yet nondescript suit everyone wears around SHIELD. You squint at the headshot. His tie has a subtle design on it- do they really make neckties with Captain America’s shield on it?

Apparently you asked that last question out loud, because Sitwell gives you what you assume is the closest you’ll get to a smile from him. “They do, though I believe he had this one specially made.” He sobers. “Did you know Phil Coulson, agent?”

Oh. So this is the agent everyone’s had on the tip of their tongue. Apparently he was a legend around here- Fury’s right-hand man, both the Black Widow and Hawkeye’s handler, not to mention all the fantastical rumors of his own exploits. It’s something of an initiation process, scaring the interns with stories of how he battled his way out of a secret underground HYDRA base and escaped the Amazon with nothing but a Dasani water bottle and a popsicle stick. “No. I mean, I know of him. Everyone does. But he was gone before I transferred.”

Sitwell nods. “Phil Coulson was a very special man. Unfailing loyalty, a sharp eye, and a knack for keeping us all out of trouble.” He pauses. “He was one of my best friends.” You’d known that even before he had told you, just based on the admiration and grief in the agent’s voice. “He was also one of the most personal tragedies to result from the Manhattan Crisis.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you.” He nods elegantly, graciously. “There are, of course, dozens of other agents who ended up in the crossfire. Not to mention the civilian count.”

“Why are you showing me this?” You ask tiredly, even though you already know the answer.

“We thought it prudent to remind you who we have in that cell, and why.” The folder is closed; the pictures of a devastated city fade back into history. “Loki Laufeyson is not your friend, agent Y/L/N, nor is he someone to be reformed, rehabilitated, or empathized with.” His words are crisp and incredibly cold; hailstones biting at your cheeks in December. “He is an inter-dimensional war criminal with hundreds of innocent lives hanging over his head. He is a murderer, a manipulator, and a liar. He speared Coulson through the chest and left him to bleed out on the floor. Do not forget that,” he adds gently.

You open your mouth to say- something. To defend him, or yourself, or both. But nothing comes. Sitwell and his friend rise from their seats and tuck cream folders neatly under their arms. “Thank you for your time, agent.” When the door closes behind them, you’re still sitting blankly, imagining Phil Coulson staring blankly at you with just a hint of a smile in his blue eyes.

                                                            XXX

“Copper for your thoughts, darling?”

You smile wearily at Loki, head propped on your hand. “It’d be a waste of a penny; I’m not thinking anything in particular.”

“Mmm, I do not believe so. It’d be nothing compared to your attention. But beyond that, something is clearly wrong.” He gestures to you, at your shoulders that are clearly slumped and your fingers twisting anxiously. “Tell me about it?”

You sigh and force yourself to stop fidgeting. “I was called into a meeting. It wasn’t very fun.”

He hums noncommittally, clearly waiting for you to elaborate.

Everything in you hesitates. You don’t want to go there. You really don’t. In the beginning, you told yourself you wouldn’t because it wasn’t your job; later, it didn’t really seem to matter. But if you’re being honest, it’s been digging at the back of your brain for a while now. Every so often you’d be laughing with him and then suddenly stop and think to yourself, this is the man who tried to take over the world. Loki is a tricky, temperamental bastard with a lot of issues, but world domination always seemed a bit… much? You can’t reconcile the carnage downtown with the man sitting across from you. And yet…

“Promise you won’t get mad?”

Loki tilts his head, worried. “I suppose. Is everything alright?”

“… why’d you do it?”

He doesn’t ask what you’re referring to.

For a minute the both of you just look at each other. Your gaze isn’t accusatory, it isn’t angry or demanding- simply confused, and a little sad. Loki, similarity, doesn’t react with heat or deflection or any of his hundreds of other tools of the trade. He looks sad, too, and considers you with a heaviness that’s tangible all the way across the room. “You don’t have to say anything. I just-” you drop head in your hands, as though it’s suddenly too much to hold it up. “If I’m being honest, I’ve been trying to wrap my brain around it for a long time. And then they showed me these pictures, and I guess an agent you, um… stabbed… and it- doesn’t make sense.” You can see your own reflection mirrored over Loki in the glass, just slightly superimposing your features on his own. “I like to think that I know you. I want to think that I know you. But everyone keeps trying to convince me that you’re not the person I think I know.”

You shake your head and laugh a little at yourself with a weary tone. “I’m sorry. I’m probably not making any sense.”

“You always speak intelligently, Witling. I admire you for that.” He laces his hands in front of him, as he does when he wants to keep himself still. “It is… complicated. And incredibly ugly.” He glances at you. “I would not wish to burden you with the story.”

“I’ve got nothing but time.” You smile a little at him, though it’s tinged with melancholy. “And I think we’ve established I’ve got a decent perspective on ugly stories.”

You feel his green eyes on you- such a familiar feeling, even though now it makes you shift anxiously in your seat. “I suppose you deserve to know. You are one of the few who have shown me any grace for my actions.” In a graceful movement, he criss-crosses his long legs in front of him, and lets his elbows rest on his knees. “You know of the events in New Mexico?”

“More or less.”

“It was, in essence, a desperate scheme to win the affections of my father. To prove my worthiness in the eyes of someone who had never seen me as such.” Loki is excellent at hiding his feelings when he wants to, but by now you can see through all the façades he throws up to protect himself. “I had discovered my heritage in… less than ideal circumstances. I believed Thor’s downfall was my chance to claim everything I’d ever yearned for, only to realize those dreams were never possible to begin with. My anger was- immense.” Something in his voice cracks. “I was mourning so many different lives. My childhood, my Aesir form, my father’s son and an heir to Asgard. Everything I had ever known was simply an illusion waiting to be shattered.” He grimaces. “I did not handle it well.”

You don’t think your chest has ever hurt this much. “I don’t think anyone would, Loki. You can’t blame yourself for feeling angry.”

“What has anger every gained us,” he says softly, as though he’s quoting some wise scholar.

You don’t know what to say to that.

“I pleaded with my father over the broken Bifrost,” he says, “asking him if he could ever truly love me the way any child craves. And he denied me that simple need once and for all.”

“Loki-”

He shakes his head. “Thor was holding me aloft over the abyss. He would have pulled me to safety, I am sure of it. But instead- I let go.”

In your entire life, you don’t think you’ve ever heard anyone sound so broken as he does in this moment. It makes you physically ache, and you want to take his grief and shoulder it yourself so he might have a spare moment of peace; let your thumb rub away the lines etched in his face until they smooth into something happier.

“When Thanos found me, I did not have the strength or heart to resist.”

Your eyebrows furrow. “Who is-”

“Don’t,” Loki warns. “Please. He is…” he mumbles a few things under his breath, but in languages you can’t understand. “He is a titan that has risen from the depths intent on his own ideas of perfection. His cruelty is outshone only by his ambition.” You can’t hold back a small noise of dismay when you notice his fingers are trembling. “I could not have fallen into his power at a more opportune time.”

“I will not claim to be wholly innocent. I am not. When he offered me dominion over Thor’s beloved Earth, I did not stay my hand from the weapon he gave me. But only after I received it did I realize his true intentions.” He takes a shaky breath, and presses his spine to the wall behind him, like he needs the support. “Casualties the likes of which you could not imagine. Violence, brutally meted without hesitation. The entire galaxy balanced in the palm of his hand. I tried to run- but I was weak, and now he had a grip on my very being.” The smile he gives is mirthless, haunted. “I am not easily broken. But they did so… effortlessly.”

By now you’ve drawn your knees up to your chest and wrapped your arms around them, curling in on yourself as tight as you can manage. It’s like the room has dropped in temperature, slowly freezing your blood from the inside out. “What did…” you trail off, your voice thin enough to crack the most fragile sheet of ice. “Do I want to know?”

“I would not tell you even if you did.” You roughly wipe away a tear with the heel of your hand. “But the heat was immeasurable, and the scars were thoroughly and deliberately gifted.”

You wince reflexively. “How do you torture a frost giant,” you murmur, trying to push all kinds of horrific images out of your mind.

He nods briefly. “Precisely. All the while the infinity stone was working its power. I can resist thrall more than most, but not completely.”

“You mentioned an infinity stone before.”

“The mind stone is one of them. It is housed in the scepter Thanos gave me; the one I brought to Midgard during the invasion.”

Pieces are coming together one by one, into a warped and twisted sort of understanding. “That scepter- you used it to brainwash Barton, and everyone else.”

“Yes.”

“And it was also… controlling you?”

“Not so completely. I could resist in certain moments.”

“No, but- Loki.” You sit forward, trying to understand what he’s telling you. “It was controlling you. You were being controlled. Just like Barton. Just like all the others.”

“One could say.”

“Loki! This means- it means it wasn’t your fault!” You’re a strange mix of hopefulness, wrath, depression, and enlightenment. “Does SHIELD know this? Do the Avengers?”

“No,” he says fiercely, and he pins you with that gaze of his. “And you will not tell them.”

That stops you short. “Why-?”

“Because I am guilty no matter the circumstances, darling.” His voice is gentle, like he’s trying to let you down easy. “I did not refuse Thanos’ offer.”

“You had just fallen through space and time after your entire identity was stolen from you,” you retort. “Even if the latter hadn’t happened, would you have physically been able to resist after your fall? Enough to escape?”

“I- do not know.”

“Loki.” You sit back and rub your eyes. “This changes everything.”

“It doesn’t.”

“It does! If Barton isn’t being held responsible for what he did when he wasn’t in control of his body then you sure as hell shouldn’t be!”

“Witling-”

“When Fury knows he’ll have to-”

“He will not know! And you-” he looks at you firmly, “will not tell him. Anyone. Promise me, Witling.”

“But why? Loki, you could clear your name-”

“He is the most dangerous thing in the galaxy,” he hisses, “and he will be coming back.” When your eyes widen, Loki closes his own and takes a deep breath to steady himself. “I fear it more than Ragnarok,” he says simply. “I would not bring any more destruction to this world than I already have. At least for now.”

You’re ready to argue, ready to fight with him tooth and nail until he realizes just how not at fault he actually is for this whole catastrophe- but you can’t bring yourself to do it. Not when he’s shivering and vulnerable and minutes away from tipping into a headspace you know would be hell to drag him out of.

“Okay.” He looks at you. “I- I don’t agree with it. But I trust you. I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

“Thank you.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Thank you for telling me.”

Loki nods, his face exhausted and drawn. “In here, I would trust you before I trust myself.”

[carnistcervine]

Twin Avatars + Zuko

Okay, so you know my Twin Avatars AU? I just thought of something. What if I combined it with Avatar Zuko and had Zuko be the Dark Avatar? :'D

-So while Aang ends up frozen in an iceberg, the current Dark Avatar dies fighting against the Fire Nation.

-While Aang is in the ice, Chiaro goes into stasis. With it's twin in hibernation, Scuro also goes into a sleep of sorts.

-Avatars are born and die, never knowing their fate and eventually the cycle swings back to fire and Zuko is born.

-No one knows that Zuko is the Dark Avatar, not even Zuko. Since Scuro is basically hibernating, when Zuko received his burn, he's unable to access the Avatar State.

-So Zuko is banished and sent to find and capture both Avatars, his father knowing full well that neither had been seen for a hundred years.

-Zuko scours every corner of the globe having no idea that he's one of the Avatars he's looking for.

-He doesn't consciously notice the pull of destiny drawing him to the south pole when Aang is about to be released.

-When Aang is released from the ice, Chiaro awakens.

-Instinctively, Zuko knows that the light he saw bursting into the sky was the Avatar. He can't explain why(or rather he doesn't want to accept the reason) but he just knows.

-When Zuko and Aang meet, their spirits resonate and they both just know. Zuko knows that Aang is the Light Avatar, but more importantly, Aang knows Zuko is the Dark Avatar.

-Zuko is confused, he feels like he's meeting up with a best friend that he hasn't seen in ages, but he knows(thinks) that the Light Avatar is his enemy.

-Zuko reacts to this confusion the way he usually does, with rage.

-Of course, Aang happily points out that Zuko is an Avatar too, and it goes poorly...

-Enraged, Zuko denies the accusation wholeheartedly.

-Both Zuko and Aang feel the draw of their inner spirit's platonic affection. Aang is heartbroken by Zuko's rejection. Zuko breaks his own heart by refusing to allow himself to be friends with Aang.

-Aang surrenders to Zuko, hoping that he can maybe talk some sense into him. It doesn't work, Zuko's only interested in fighting Aang.

-Aang hurts because his platonic soulmate hates him and is trying to fight him, Zuko is twisted up on the inside because a deep, ancient part of his spirit loves his fellow Avatar very deeply.

-While Aang is in the Avatar State, Chiaro tries to reach out to Zuko. Zuko resists wholeheartedly, nearly going into the Avatar state himself.

-When Aang escapes on Appa, Zuko finds that he doesn't have the heart to try and strike them down.

-Aang looks back at Zuko who just watches them as they get away.

-Sokka and Katara can hardly believe that Zuko is an Avatar, but being an Avatar himself, Aang can confirm.

-Aang suspects from the scar on Zuko's face that he was tortured into turning against him.

-Suddenly Katara really wants to help the scarred Avatar.

-Sokka doesn't like or trust firebenders, but he can't deny that letting the Fire Nation have their own Avatar would be disastrous.

-Of course Iroh immediately has several questions for Zuko. Because if Zuko is the Avatar... this is very important and it's critical that he is properly trained.

-Obviously Zuko completely denies being the Avatar and tries to make his uncle drop the subject.

-Seeing as Zuko hasn't bent any other elements(yet), Iroh decides to drop the subject.

-With Scuro finally awake, Zuko's avatar abilities begin to show.

-It's not too long before he starts to earthbend. The first instance being on Kyoshi, right in front of everyone.

-Everyone is shocked, but Aang is just like, 'I told you so!'

-Zuko manages to get away, but now the world knows the Dark Avatar has returned.

-The Gaang start making plans on trying to capture Zuko so they can help him.

-Iroh confronts Zuko about being the Avatar.

-Zuko continues to deny the blatant truth, and Iroh loves his nephew but sometimes the poor old man feels like he gonna have a stroke.

-Iroh is afraid that now Zuko's crew know what he is, they'll kill him, but instead they just go along with Zuko.

-Avatar, what Avatar? Zuko's obviously just a cranky firebender.

-Iroh isn't sure if he's relieved that the crew are willing to put themselves on the line to help Zuko, or concerned that they're more-or-less letting him skirt by on his denial.

-Either way, Zuko's crew refuse to turn against him. Though it's less to do with Zuko, and more to do with their undying loyalty to his kindly Uncle.

-They realize that Zuko's the only thing keeping Iroh in this world, and don't want to hurt the old man.

-Even if they think Iroh deserves better than his bratty Avatar nephew.

-The crew end up helping Iroh go behind Zuko's back to find an earthbending teacher.

-The past Dark Avatars start to reach out to Zuko, the most recent ones visiting him in his dreams.

-While Aang is sad and heartbroken over Zuko's rejection, he has Sokka and Katara to help him. Meanwhile, Zuko is rejecting those around him and feels horribly sad and heartbroken deep inside.

-Going back a bit, because Zuko never has to get his ship repaired, Zhao never gets the opportunity to taunt him and find out about the Avatar's return.

-However, he does find out when Aang goes into the avatar state at the Southern Air Temple.

-Zuko tries to follow Aang, but he's a bit late and is incapacitated by strange headache when Aang goes into the avatar state.

-With the knowledge that the Light Avatar is alive and active, Ozai has all resources towards capturing him officially handed over to Zhao.

-Zhao of course throws this up in Zuko's face.

-Once it becomes revealed to the world that the Dark Avatar has returned, Zhao is officially relegated to his capture as well.

-Though, it's a well kept secret by the Gaang and Kyoshi warriors who exactly the Dark Avatar is.

-Iroh continues to slyly try to get Zuko to learn earthbending. He goes through his connections in the White Lotus to try and locate an earthbending teacher, but in the meantime, he has Zuko study earthbending scrolls.

-Obviously Zuko is pissed because he's in denial about being a damn Avatar, but Iroh manages to convince him to study and practice the forms by telling him that diversifying his techniques will strengthen and improve his firebending.

-Technically not a lie, but we all know what Iroh's really tryna do.

-The stress, past avatars trying to nag him, and heartache of being separated from Chiaro all have a severe negative impact on Zuko's mental state.

-He ends up restless, and sometimes slightly delirious.

-Iroh worries deeply for him, and tries to figure out ways to get him and the Light Avatar back together.

-When Zhao ends up capturing Aang, the past Avatars help Zuko break into the stronghold and break Aang out.

-The Light and Dark Avatars being kindred spirits, Aang recognizes Zuko even in his disguise. But Aang doesn't say anything. He plays dumb, because he'd do anything to have his platonic soulmate back by his side.

-When Zuko is knocked out, Chiaro takes out and sends out a blast of light in a fit of rage.

-With the soldiers and Zhao temporarily blinded by the dazzling light show, a Chiaro-possessed Aang flees into the night with Zuko.

-Aang doesn't even bother with the 'could we be friends' speech, he just fucking kidnaps Zuko while he's still unconscious.

-Zuko wakes up before Aang can bring his friends to coherency, and promptly bolts.

-Once Zuko gets back to his ship, he just tells his uncle that he's tired and he goes to bed.

-Zuko keeps trying to chase the Gaang down and capture Aang, and the Gaang keep setting up traps to kidnap Zuko.

-Zuko finds himself feeling increasingly torn about what he wants to do.

-Despite himself, he starts to enjoy the groups antics.

-He tries to tell himself that he hates them. It doesn't work. He tries, but it doesn't work.

-Getting his ship blown up makes him go into the avatar state.

-In the North Pole, Katara actually hides while Aang crosses over into the spirit world.

-The Gaang's plan is to use Aang as bait and to incapacitate Zuko. By either freezing or hitting him.

-Zuko is suspicious of when he sees Aang unguarded and all alone, but as soon as he touches him, Chiaro drags him into the spirit world and effectively incapacitates Zuko.

-While Zuko is trapped, the spirits circle around Zuko and nag the hell out of him. Talking about duty and his destiny and role in this world.

-Zuko isn't hearing a single fucking word of this and yells in angry.

-As soon as Aang comes to his senses, Zuko is dragged right back to his body as well.

-Only problem is that Zhao now knows that Zuko is the Dark Avatar and has the whole group surrounded and both Zuko and Aang captured.

-Zhao reveals his grand plan to kill the moon, and everyone is horrified.

-Iroh stands to defend the moon spirit and breaks out of his restraints and helps his uncle.

-The Gaang break out and defeat Zhao's forces, Zhao seeing that he's loosing, takes Yue hostage.

-Zuko takes exception to this and takes Zhao down, protecting Yue in the process.

-Thoroughly defeated, Zhao tries to take a parting shot at the oasis pool, but a dark shadow reaches out and drags him in before he can harm the spirits.

-Zuko tries to save Zhao, but Zhao is too prideful to accept Zuko's help.

-Now leaderless and unable to beat the waterbenders, the Fire Nation retreats.

-Zuko and Iroh sneak off before the waterbender guards can come to the scene to capture the defeated firebenders.

-Zuko and Iroh have already boarded their raft and set themselves adrift when an unknown passenger jumps on.

-It's Yue.

-Yue says that the moon spirit told her to join them.

-Zuko already hates it.

-The north is freaking out because their princess is missing and Aang vows to find her and bring her home safely.

-They trust his word because he is the Avatar who helped save their home, but they can't help but wonder where the mysterious Dark Avatar went.

-Yue ditches her royal robes and changes up her hair to help hide her identity.

-She also ends up going by Mochi.

-Iroh, Zuko, and Yue traversing the Earth Kingdom.

-Yue learns more about the world outside of the north, and Zuko starts to chill out a little more and gets closer to accepting himself as being the Dark Avatar.

-He even finally relents to learning proper earthbending, and disguises himself as an earthbender.

-He finds that he gets quite good at it.

-His uncle playfully jokes that it's cause he's a bit of a rock head.

-However Zuko does still end up going off on his own for a bit.

-When he goes to the village and confronts the asshole soldier, Scuro possess him and puts on a terrifying show.

-The horrified town chases him out with pitchforks and torches, calling him a half-spirit abomination.

-The world still doesn't know that Zuko is the Dark Avatar, but Azula figures it out fairly quickly.

-When Iroh is shot by Azula, Yue heals him and helps Zuko look after him.

-The Gaang are still trying to capture Zuko tho.

-It's only after Zuko scares them off by nearly going into the avatar state, that as the Gaang are flying off, they realize that was Yue with Zuko. 

-When they get to Ba Sing Se, Yue works at the tea shop too, and she's excellent at customer service.

-When Azula kills Aang in the avatar state, Zuko is too shocked to move. Part of him is deeply saddened, watching his platonic soulmate die, another part is enraged at Azula, and the rest of him just doesn't know what to do.

-It takes everything in him to hold Scuro back and he collapses on the spot.

-Azula takes Zuko back to the Fire Nation and tells Ozai that even though Zuko is the Dark Avatar, he slayed the Light Avatar in the name of the Fire Nation.

-In his time back at the Fire Nation, Zuko feels a deep pain and dread welling up within him.

-He can also feel Scuro writhing within his skin everytime he sees Azula.

-Scuro wants to kill Azula. Badly.

-Zuko knows, he can feel it in his Avatar Spirit that Aang is alive.

-Zuko doesn't have the heart to hire an assassin to kill Aang.

-The world thinks that the Dark Avatar has turned traitor. Perhaps corrupted by his own inner darkness?

-The Fire Nation attempts to groom and train their Avatar for war and destruction, but with his own inner conflict reaching a fever pitch, Zuko's strength wanes and he falls ill.

-He's tormented nightly by horrible nightmares. It gets so bad that he starts to drink drugged tea to get peaceful rest.

-Then, the war meeting happens and Azula gives the suggestion to raze the Earth Kingdom.

-Zuko doesn't sleep that night.

-The next day he confronts his father during the eclipse and tells him point blank that he's taking his rightful side by the Light Avatar and together their gonna come back and take him down.

-When Zuko goes to join the Gaang, the others are all "grrr" but Aang just immediately tackle-hugs him and starts crying because poor Aang has been waiting for his platonic soulmate to come around for SO LONG.

-Zuko can hardly believe it but, he's crying too.

-Also, while Zuko was in the Fire Nation, Yue joined the Gaang!

-Zuko teaches Aang firebending, and Aang teaches Zuko airbending.

-On the day of destiny, Yue and Katara take down Azula, and Zuko and Aang take down Ozai.

-Aang is a pacifist, and Zuko can't actually bring himself to kill his own father, so Aang ends up energybending that bitch.

And that’s all I got. I just wanted to write this out and get it down, because I actually really kinda like this idea.

[sunshinewhale]

a sword that shields

parings: wonho x reader (but not the way you think)   pov: unnamned reader, reader centric, third person

genre: royal au, knight!wonho, princess!reader, angst   words: ~3100

warnings: inaccuracies, blood, someonediesmaybe, not proofread

notes: inspired by @serenzippity‘s Kingdom Come series, one of my favourites! i wanted to write my own royal au after reading and re-reading it countless times. i also really can’t write short things, the word count was only meant to be 3 digits, lol. it’s late, but happy birthday to buff bunny wonho! 

The very first day she meet Hoseok, she had just touched twelve. She was still a girl that hid shyness in her skirts and wore a facade of regal bravery to mirror how she thought those of royal blood should behave.

She held her brother’s hand as she quietly followed him into the corridor of the King’s hall, her fingers curled against his in tight anxiety at the thought of meeting not a mere stranger, but a stranger that would become her person. She wished she could be more like her brother, Crown Prince Hyunwoo, a born leader to his people, tall and charming and endlessly courageous.

She sees him, an unfamiliar face in a familiar room as soon as they past the golden arched doors. Hyunwoo stops after the entrance and gently urges her to go on alone.

Hoseok stood proudly next to her father, baby fat still rounding the swell of his cheeks but his body well-built and his gaze wiser than those of his age. His stance exuded pure honor, but her keen sight spots his nervousness from the tightness of his jaw and the wobble of his adam’s apple.

You’re the same as me, she thinks as she controls the steadiness of her steps, unsure and uncertain.

Will you like me? His eyes seem to blink questions as he watches her approach him, will we get along? Will you take my protection for granted? Will you be worth it?

Will protecting you be worth my life?

I will like you if you like me, she thinks as he kneels down to accept the King’s decree. She holds out her hand, and his lips softly press into the back of her palm in eternal oath, I will protect you as you protect me.

She smiles at him first, her heart opening in the glow of childish innocence.

But I hope I will never be worth your life.

.

.

.

Hoseok is undeniably chiseled in all his muscular glory, but his features are soft and his heart is even softer. She finds a mother’s comfort in the compassion that reflects off the rich brown of his pupils. She finds a fragile soul unafraid of emotions in the way his lips curl upwards in sweet gentleness.

He takes her on sunlit walks and he holds her hand with even more care than Hyunwoo. He pats her head and strokes her hair with even more tenderness than her father. He reads her when she is weary and hugs her in soothing reassurance.

He is always by her side, a constant warmth. At the rare times his place next to her is empty, he promises he is only a call away.

.

.

.

“Why did you become a knight, Hoseok?” Her hands twist together the thin stems of pastel pink daisies as she continues, “knights are trained in the sword and the art of war, and war is a ruthless rule of kill or be killed. You have a hard time killing rats as it is when the maids cry for help.”

“I don’t like killing, especially when it’s unnecessary,” Hoseok scrunches his nose, and she thinks it makes him resemble a baby bunny. He hands her another daisy.

She adds it to her budding crown. She hums, feigning nonchalance, but she chooses her next words with low caution.

“You might have to kill as my knight and personal guard.”

At the corner of her vision, she sees his jaw set in strain, and she thinks she may have crossed the imaginary line. Her fingers tighten on her floral masterpiece, and she searches her mental library for a subject change with urgency. She is about to fall back on the reliability of the weather when Hoseok loosens.

He lets out a long breath, “it really worries me that you think about these things at your age.”

His rolls his shoulders and his posture relaxes like melted ice. His eyes focus onto the farthest distance of the flowery meadow, where the grass tickles the cloudless sky. He may be physically looking at the horizon, but she can tell he’s also looking at a somewhere or something only he himself can see.

“I want to be able to protect what I treasure. My sword is to guard what I hold dear. If I must, I will kill to protect what I treasure.” He focuses back to her. His expression softens but his voice is stoned firm in his conviction, “I will kill to protect you, because you are precious to me, Princess.”

She nods her head, not quite knowing what to say. She admires Hoseok’s devotion to her and his creed, but it doesn’t settle well in her chest and it stays like an enduring prickle of discomfort. She is young, but she has her own beliefs, too.

She quietly tucks the stem of the final daisy into a clean knot, and she looks expectantly at him. He lowers his head, but she still needs to tiptoe to place the flower crown on top of his bright hair.

Hoseok grins at her, “Pink suits me, doesn’t it? I must look so pretty.”

“The prettiest,” she replies, and she makes a secret promise when she laughs with him.

I will do my best to be protected, so you do not have to kill.

You are precious to me, too.

.

.

.

“Teach me,” she says, at the budding age of fifteen, “I want to learn how to wield the sword.”

It surprises him. Hoseok’s eyebrows nearly disappear into his hairline, before puzzlement etches in to the lines of his face.

“Why?” His voice breaks, and the sound of his barely concealed anxiousness makes her ache, “do you not feel safe enough with me? Should I request you another knight?”

She reaches out to take his hand. It’s so much larger than hers, the nails uneven, the fingers scarred, the skin of his palm rough and worn with callouses for the sake of keeping her heart beating.

“No, it’s not that at all. We may try, but it is simply impossible for you to be with me every moment. So, I thought learning some swordplay would be practical and it would lessen your worries. I think my father and my brother would agree.”

Then, she frowns and she raises her head to make sure Hoseok sees her displeasure. “Please do not think you are replaceable. You are the best for me.”

Hoseok holds her stare and he winces. She can tell he understands and he doesn’t want to deny her, but there is apprehension lingering in the crease of his forehead.

“Your health is less than stellar. Learning the sword will be hard, and your frailness will keep you from being good.”

“I do not need to be good,” she responds in certainty at Hoseok’s truths, “I just need to be enough. Enough to buy time until you return to my side as my sword and protect me as my shield.”

At that, Hoseok eyes crinkle into happy little crescents. He lifts her hand and kisses her fingers in ticklish mirth. “I will be there in a blink, I will only be a call away.”

.

.

.

Hoseok does not go easy on her. He tucks her request under his armor and over his heart and teaches her as seriously as he would to junior knights. He does not waver when she struggles, he is strict and stern and he pushes her against her limits. It’s the first time her joints scream with soreness. Her hands burn raw with the skill it takes wield a sword, and she experiences bruises that purple deep into her soul.

But Hoseok treats her with slow carefulness after training is done. There is torment in his eyes and a mother’s care in his touch as he wraps the broken skin of her inexperienced hands in white bandages. He sighs when he thinks she isn’t watching, and he tells her she did a good job with an apologetic kiss to her hairline.

He ties a pretty bow at the ends of her bandages, and clears his throat, “you don’t have to do this anymore, Princess. You’ve already learned all the basics.”

“I know you, Hoseok,” she holds her silken white palms in front of his face, “you do not like that I am getting hurt, but the more I train, the more comfortable you feel. The more comfortable you are, the more you will focus on protecting yourself instead of only on me.”

His lips thin in light tension. “You shouldn’t worry about me. I’m supposed to die for you,” he speaks, she thinks he says something like that way too easily, “I will die for you, so, so willingly.”

Her chest hollows and then heavies with distress. Hoseok is endlessly attentive and seamlessly attuned to her needs, so why does he only not understand this?

“Rather than die, live for me,” she reigns herself in so her voice won’t tremble, because she knows Hoseok hates to see her cry, “live.”

She catches herself in the clear reflection of Hoseok’s pupils, and she thinks she looks like she’s twelve again, too young and too frightened, too fearful of the unknown.

“Then, as you continue living, learn to live for yourself. That is my order.”

Hoseok looks at her a little strangely, a foreign expression on his face. He shakes his head and his eyes flood with familiar affection. He gently taps her nose and half-whispers, “you’re too wise for your age.”

.

.

.

She overhears Hoseok confiding in her brother during the secrecy of the night.

“Your baby sister told me to live for myself.”

“Are you?” Comes the patient voice of Hyunwoo, “she’s right, you know.”

“I realized that I am. I’m living for myself by protecting her by her side. At first it was my duty and my loyalty to the crown, but now it’s also my wholehearted wish.”

.

.

.

It’s love, she knows. She loves Hoseok more than anything and anyone.

It’s not the kind of love that has her with stars glittering in her eyes and a girlish blush on her cheeks. It’s not the kind of love that has her heart fluttering bliss or her pulse missing beats, either.

Maybe, it’s a love beyond that.

She doesn’t want to live without him. She prays to the sun at sunrise and she wishes to the moon at midnight that Hoseok, as a knight, will be by her side until her last breath. She wants him to live long until life must leave and he naturally withers away in the embrace of death. She wants to bless his marriage, she wants to tell his future wife of all his merits, she wants to spoil his children rotten and leave his grandchildren riches so she can be at peace when he retires to his quaint countryside estate.

She loves him, and more.

So much more.

.

.

.

She is nearing eighteen when she gets dragged into the tangled mess of kingdom politics for no good reason. Her father is furious that the royals have involved her, and Hyunwoo is rightfully concerned because someone attempts to take her life for the first time.

The assassin barely manages to breathe within a distant meter of her before Hoseok ends him, swift, merciful and without hesitation.

Hoseok does not come out unscathed. He is gifted with a split lip, a bloody cheek and a shallow wound to his right arm that bleeds enough to drip red on stone marble.

Low anger simmers beneath her skin, because she knows Hoseok had been reckless with himself. He is one of the best of the kingdom, and his talent in the sword in almost unparalleled. She knows he had only concerned himself with ridding of the threat as fast as possible without considering the expense of his person. He could have dealt with the attacker without getting injured, if he spared a few minutes more.

She swallows her irritation and she reaches up to wipe the smeared blood off his cheek. She realizes her hand is shaking in uncontrolled abandon when Hoseok grasps her wrist.

“It’s okay, princess,” he soothes, “don’t be scared, I’ll protect you.”

She’s scared, but she’s scared of what this means for Hoseok.

Protect yourself too, she silently pleads, protect yourself so you can continue protecting me.

.

.

.

She had just greeted eighteen when Hoseok breaks his word.

As per tradition, the kingdom holds her a coming-of-age banquet. It’s ridiculously overdone and she has never been one for the excessive grandeur of the nobility. She had slipped her unease between creases of her dress all night, lies in her smile and faux pleasantries on her lips as she fulfilled her duty as the First Princess of her kingdom in seamless perfection. After the King’s toast is over, Hoseok finally indulges her and helps her slip away from a gaggle of suitors.

It’s unwanted, and it’s pointless for her to entertain their efforts. She knows her father treasures her and he has done his best to shelter her from the eyes of the court. However, with the rising tensions in the neighbouring kingdoms, is it almost certain that she will end up in a political marriage to protect the peace. That is her fate that comes with her title, a duty to her kingdom and a duty she owes her people. She doesn’t mind it too much, because Hoseok would still be her knight, and he will follow her without question.

She walks along a darkened corridor, the festives from the banquet growing muffled and distant. Later, she plans to ask Hoseok to sneak her to the seaside. She wants find where the sky and sea merge into one, and she wants to watch the stars blink in the inked night. Like every year since she was twelve, she will wish for Hoseok’s happiness and that Hoseok will stay by her side forever. Hoseok will laugh with a light heart and he will tell her to use her birthday wish for something else because his happiness is being by her side forever—

She almost doesn’t hear the footsteps.

There’s a quick glint of metal, and her body reacts before her mind does. Her hand whips out and grasps the handle of a fortunately placed decorative sword, and she parries a blade that meant for her to meet her doom.

A black cloaked figure grunts in surprise, and she twists and knees him in the gut. She’s not helpless, but she has never been built for strength and she knows battles she can’t win.

“Hoseok!” she shouts, and the cloaked assassin surges forward in alarm. She pulls away to create distance and her back hits the wall, “Ho—”

“Princess!” Hoseok bursts into the corridor, urgency and alarm ringing in his voice at her call.

He’s always only a call away.

It only takes half a glance him to asses the situation. His gaze hardens into cold diamond and the years of his knighthood shines in the glint of his eyes. He strides to her side with wrath blazing in the square of his shoulders and purpose set in his jaw. He pushes her behind him, safe, and draws his sword, furious protectiveness at the sharp tip of his blade.

“You did well,” he says under his breath, just soft enough for her to hear. His eyes never leave the threat.

“Be careful,” she whispers back, enduring his protection. “As careful as you can.”

The two parry swords for a tense minute, but it’s long enough to be telling. Hoseok is good, but the person in the black cloak is no pushover.

But the target was her and not Hoseok, and she should’ve been more careful.

The assassin allows Hoseok to land an injury, and they take the chance to throw a dagger at her. She barely manages to dodge in time. It catches her deep on the side of her shoulder and warm liquid immediately flowers out into the fabric of her sleeve. She involuntarily sounds at the sharp sting. Hoseok’s trained vision catches everything, and his eyes lock on her bleeding cut for a split second.

A split second is enough.

She sees it before her like horror in slow motion. The opportunity is taken and the enemy’s sword goes through Hoseok’s side, and blood splatters from the wound in violent spurts as the blade is jerked out. Hoseok’s face crumples at the intruding pain as he staggers. He swings around and uses the blunt force of his remaining strength bring death to the assassin's neck, and the figure falls in a heap of limbs and blackness. Hoseok grunts, his sword clattering on the blood freckled floor and his hands go to pressure his wound. He falls down to one knee. He blinks at her three times before his eyes dilate in lost focus and they roll backwards, and he collapses onto his face.

“Hoseok!”

Blindness blurs at the edges of her vision and she grows deaf to the world. She runs to him and rolls him to his side. His skin is dull and pale and there is no pinkness in the color of his lips. Her heart breaks, and panic bubbles in the pulse of her veins. She presses down on his injury, and her desperation peaks at the way the Hoseok’s life liquid flows endlessly with deceiving warmness through the crevices of her fingers.

“Hyunwoo! Father! Anyone, please!” she cries as loud as she can, each call punctuated with a more hysterical sob. “A doctor, please!”

The skin of her hands are painted red, and the excess pools onto the stone tiled floor. She knows if he has any chance of surviving, Hoseok needs immediate medical attention, but she can’t bring herself to move. There is a settling fear in her chest that paralyzes her, that if she left, it would be the last time she would see Hoseok with his heart still beating.

She doesn’t want to believe it, but if this must be his time, she doesn’t want him to go alone.

.

.

.

“Don’t be scared, I’ll protect you.”

Liar, she screams in silent agony, you liar.

How can you protect me if you go?

.

.

.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough and you got injured.”

“You are sorry? For this scratch on my cheek?” she scoffed, arms crossed and pouting with childish anger, “I am sorry you shoved me out of the way before you nearly got sliced into two!”

A beat and barely, she whispered, “You got hurt because of me.”

Hoseok unwinded her arms with warmth in his eyes. He smiled, and her heart ached that he can still smile through the pain of his raw wound. “You know it’s not your fault. You know it’s my duty.”

“I know. I know, but that does not mean I have to like it,” she trained her gaze on the bandages on his chest, just as pale as his bloodless skin. She turned around when she felt a saltine sting in her eyes.

“Thank you for protecting me,” then softer, she adds, “thank you for being alive.”

Hoseok pulled her by the arm and lowered her into a hug. So full, so fond.

“You’re welcome, my baby princess.”

.

.

.

She doesn’t think she will get the chance to hear the warm softness of Hoseok’s voice saying your welcome one last time.

[megsironthrone]

Updated WIP list!

Current WIPS: (These are subject to change based on my inspiration)

Loyalty: Based on this request: Hi Meg, I‘d like to request a Brienne x northern!reader. They meet when Brienne comes to King‘s Landing, reader is a Lady and an outcast at KL, but her and Brienne start to become close, bonding over their loyalty to the Starks. It gets more intimate, maybe they kiss but Brienne doesn’t want to endanger reader so she distances herself. When Brienne leaves, reader tells her she loves her, but she can’t say it back out of fear. Then later they meet again and she finally tells her?

Love and Affection: Based on this request:  Can you do a Sandor clegane x reader established relationship where Sandor gets the love and affection he needs and we all want to give him? Maybe reader is on the affectionate side and Sandor kinda pretends he’s annoyed by it but they both know he likes it ? AND:  Sandor Clegane x reader with mostly just cuddling? Idk if he’d ever let someone get that close to him but I can dream🙆🏼‍♀️ Also emotional comfort

From a Lie to the Truth: Based on this request:  do you think you could write a modern/fake dating au where reader agrees to pretend to be samwells SO in front of his friends who he lied to about having a girlfriend but they do end up confessing to each other? thank you so much !!

A Drink & a Kiss: Based on this request:  Hey Meg, happy to read that you’re well! Can I request a Tyrion x reader? Reader is a Stark, Sansa‘s older sister/Robb‘s twin, supposed to marry a Tyrell while he’s supposed to marry Sansa. Over their shared misery of the arranged marriage they end up spending time together. On the night before, they drink together and kiss. Tyrion is surprised she’d rather be with him than a pretty Tyrell and they manage to convince Tywin that they can marry, because it doesn’t matter which Stark he marries.

Current (Unstarted) Requests on the list:

Disguised: Based on this request:  Yara Greyjoy imagine where she finds out one of her trusted soldiers was a woman disguised as a man who had fallen in love with her?

A Thorough Cleaning: Based on this request:  Hi Meg could I please ask for a roommates AU with Sansa in which they are trying to make the house presentable last minute because her family is coming to visit? Thank you from @kjs-s

Different Than You Used to Be: Based on this request:  Yes! Requests are open! Could you write a jaime x reader. The reader is a robbs twin and was married to jaime before the show/books started. She used to hang out with robb, jon and theon a lot, and she wasn’t that much of a lady. Now she returns to winterfell with the king and she is pregnant, so she is less wild then she used to be. The boys think she has changed and thus treat her differently than they used to, so she shows she can still be her old self and jaime is just worried.

Take You As My Wife: Based on this request:  may I please get a Ramsay request where the reader is a stark and they fell in love while he was married to sansa so after sansa leaves he agrees to leave winterfell and go back to the dreadfort if he could have the reader as his wife happy ending please thank you so much for your time i love your blog by the way

A Coronation: Based on this request:  Hi! May i request a royal au for jaime lannister x reader. Tywin has died and now jaime is to be king and the reader queen. Could you write about the coronation and what happens around it. Thanks!

Caught In the Act: Based on this request:  Gendry x stark reader. When they were traveling the kings road in the second season. And arya catches them kissing.

A Ward of Winterfell: Based on this request:  Hello! How are you? would it be alright if i could i get a request for a Baratheon (fem) reader (maybe a legitimized bastard of king Robert’s?) who was sent to be a ward at winterfell to get her away from Cercei and is betrothed to to Robb stark? maybe when the royal family rides for Winterfell she goes back to the capitol with Eddard stark and his daughters and everything starts falling apart? it’s okay if not haha.

For You: Based on this request:  I was wondering if you could do a Jaime Lannister x Female Reader imagine based around the song “For You” by Rita Ora ft Liam Payne, if you wouldn’t mind, please and thank you! *If you need to make changes, feel free to do so!* by @thebeckyjolene

Good Cop/Bad Cop: Based on this request:  Can you do a Sandor/reader good cop bad cop kind of story line where they are partners but secretly together? Please and thank you!

Take Her Away: Based on this request:  Hi! Can I have an imagine where Y/N is Joffrey’s twin (and Jaime’s favorite kid) and during the King’s Landing riot she gets separated and gets hurt, and Jaime’s the one that saves her and when he goes back to the castle he lectures Cersei about the safety of their daughter, threatening to take her away to protect her

To Secure Winterfell: Based on this request:  Love your writing, I’m so happy you’re back! ❤️ i was wondering if you could write about Ramsay. How he had to marry y/n to “secure his place” in Winterfell and he actually loves her so he doesn’t hurt her at all, and when Myranda fights with her he gets super protective

Not His Type: Based on this request:  Hi how are ya? Can you please write about Tormund arriving in Winterfell with Jon, and he falls in love with smol Y/N Stark, always making sure she’s protected and loved, even though Jon and Sandor remind him constantly that she’s not his type

Out of Harm’s Way: Based on this request:  Could you please write about Tommen and Y/N (his same agae) getting married, and when she gets pregnant he very gentle and tries to keep her out of harms way, enlisting “uncle” Jaime to guard her when he’s not around

Don’t Blame Yourself: Based on this request:  hey meg 👋🏽 can i have an imagine where y/n tries to safe bran from falling but she gets hurt as well, and a guard rushes to tell robb -he’s her fiancé- and Theon and Jon have to calm him down after he sees her because he’s blaming himself for being there for her to safe her

A Secret Relationship:Based on this request: I have another request about sandor if it’s not much trouble to you. Him and the reader work together and they secretly in a relationship and they act like there’s nothing between them infront of everybody, till Beric accidentally finds out AND: I want to request a really really fluffy fic, about sandor when he comes back from a work trip that lasted for weeks, and be surprised about how much the reader missed him, cuz he is a bit insecure about himself and it’s hard for him to imagine that somebody could love and miss him that much I’ll really appreciate it if you could bring his childhood somehow cuz who doesn’t love a big man with childhood issues??

Smuggled Away: Based on this request:  Hi! The request about a Bratheon!reader got me thinking, what if there’s a similar situation where the reader’s king robert’s daughter or a stark or something like that and the reader ends up getting smuggled away when jamie leaves cersei in kings landing and ends up reuniting with jon snow at some point and she kinda ends up kindling a spark with jon snow and interrupts the whole jon Daenerys thing? i’m not sure if this request makes much sense or if it would be good or not > . <

An Awkward Time: Based on this request:  Hi! This is the oberyn x reader request. Reader is dating oberyn (who is a bit older). One of his daughters is best friends with sansa (reader’s sister) which makes it a bit awkward for everyone (except for oberyn who doesnt find anything awkward).

Secret Wife: Based on this request:  Can you do something with Sandor secretly having a wife. Maybe they met when he was serving king Robert and they met when she was hunting and eloped after a few years. She left before the battle of Blackwater because Sandor didn’t want her getting wrapped up in that so They meet again in Winterfell and no one can actually believe it.

Protected From Joffrey: Based on this request:  Hi Meg! Can you please write about Y/N Lannister (who acts and looks like a princess, just like Myrcella) getting in trouble with Meryn Trant because she scolded Joffrey and after he hits her Bronn finds her and takes care of her, and even Tyrion is happy about it

Their Softer Sides: Based on this request:  Hey @megsironthrone how are you doing? Hope you’re doing fine. Can I request a Tywinxfem!TargaryenxRoose one where the both of them are in a constant banter concerning on who should end up getting the reader’s hand in marriage only to end up making the reader a blushing mess because of the many unusual and surprising compliments Tywin and Roose made over dinner and eventually the green-gold eyed gentleman finally won her over and end up spooning her in his bed showing his soft side. Thank x from @girlonfireice

Disbelief: Based on this request:  May I ask for a reader x Sandor where he and Bronn save her from some not so good people and she and Sandor fall for each other much to Sandor and Bronn’s shock? Happy writing!

An Apology?: A Wattpad request; Hey! I was wondering if you still take requests. If yes could you write a ramsay bolton image for me, where the reader is the younger sister of ramsay and he actually apologizes for killing their dad and after ramsay is killed by sansa his younger sister is the new leader of the boltons.

Jealous of My Own Children!: Another Wattpad request; I would like to know if you would write a Jaime lannister x female reader insert where the reader and jaime are childhood friends who are in love. And the reader supports him even when everyone calls him kingslayer and oath breaker. He and reader have a set of twins a boy and a girl and jaime feels ecstatic that he can play father to the kids however he is also this cute jelous of his kids as they get to spend more time with his wife than him. Basically I just wanted cute fluff. I know the idea isn’t that original but it’s just something that came to my mind so

Direwolf Pup: Based on this request:  Hi! I was wondering if you could write about how Y/N is married to Robb (before the series started) and when the guys returned to Winterfell with the direwolf pups he surprises her in one, the second runt of the litter, because he wanted her protected at all times and as an apology for leaving her clingy ass all day 😂❤️

Godmother: Based on this request:  Sandor asking Arya to be his babies godmother? You can decide how she reacts but I just need some wholesome hound and wolf girl content.  Hi I’m the anon that asked for the Sandor asking wolf girl to be a godmother. I forgot to add trade sorry but I was just imagining it to be after she has her baby so she’s in the room but maybe just asleep or quietly watching cuz she’s tired. Sorry about that

In The North: Based on this request:  Hey! If request are still open, is it possible if you can write Sandor x Reader where they had a relationship before they had to part ways and so they get reunited when reader is sent with Jorah by Daenarys to get a white walker, Beric and Thoros is in disbelief that Sandor can be able of loving someone - thanks!

Winterfell: Based on this request: Can I request a Jon Snow x twinsister!reader?? (If not then just a Jon Snow x reader 😊) Where it’s just been them, then Jon left for the NW and his sister stayed in Winterfell. She has stayed at Winterfell through the Greyjoys and Boltons. And they meet again after Jon and Sansa won back Winterfell. Ramsay kept her separate from Sansa so the couldn’t conspire together. Thank you in advance!

Killing Khaleesi: A Wattpad request; Y/n is Cersei’s oldest daughter who always obeys her orders, but when she’s ordered to kill Khaleesi, she can’t, and starts spending time down there, telling her mom she’s making her wait till she least expects it. And then when Y/n walks down there one night, her mom is there, waiting for her and gives her a choice. Either she kills her, or Cersei does. Of course when y/n goes to kill her, she swings around and slices her mom’s leg making her fall down, and she releases Khaleesi and they ride back to where the dragon mother lives.

Not My Daughter!: A Wattpad request; Hi can I make a request on a Joffrey x Baby Daughter! Reader I know it’s not part of the story but if you can? Joffrey doesn’t care about anything or anyone except his daughter and if anyone hurts her or makes her cry he gets into like mama lion mode

The Announcement: Another Wattpad request; it’s a Modern AU with a targaryen reader and Jaime Lannister Where the reader is Dany’s baby sister and she is married to Jaime Lannister, who Dany, Rhaegar and Viserys (they’re all alive here) hate and their families were once business allies until Tywin (Jaime’s dad) betrayed the Targaryens and merged with the Baratheons instead Fast forward to the present day, Jaime and the reader host a dinner because they have an announcement to make, the targaryens and and Lannisters argue about their relationship in general, Viserys said something snarky to Jaime which made the reader snap at him and tell everyone that they are expecting triplets, Dany, Rhaegar and the Lannisters were all happy except viserys who walked out like a drama queen lol

Beauty: Another Wattpad request; can I have a Tywin Lannister x fem!Targaryen where the reader went in hiding in the woods only to be found by Tywin but he has no idea the reader was a female let alone a Targaryen until he accidentally saw her washing her hair in a near by river and he was immediately stunned by her beauty and then he started to be sweet with her in his own charming debonair way and the asks to marry her. Thank you

I update this list as I finish writing requests so check back often! You can find the WIP/Current requests page on my blog! 

[livvywrites]

15 for 15

Tagged by @quartzses​. Thank you~ I adore being tagged in games! ^^ 

Rules: Answer fifteen random questions, in either your character’s voice or your own.

Okay, you know I gotta do one of my babies. Picking which one was kind of hard, so if anyone wants to tag me again I’m down ;)  I decided to do Alinora, from The Martyr Queen.  

I picked these questions randomly (using a random number generator) from Arthur Aron’s Intimacy Quiz. I skipped any two character questions, though! 

I wrote this akin to an interview, as if someone was asking her these questions, and recording not just her verbal responses, but her gestures/body language as well. 

1. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? 

“My mother and I weren’t... close, per se. But our relationship was good regardless. She loved me, and I loved her--and both of us knew it. We said it, often. We shared meals together, spent time together a lot when I was young, though a bit less as I got older, and she got busier. I looked up to her, and I knew that she was proud of me, even if I felt I could never measure up.

“My sister, though, was claimed as a Slaeyr when I was five. She joined one of their nomadic tribes to learn how to control her new powers. She kept in sporadic contact with my mother for a while, before cutting out. She never did write me, even when I was old enough to appreciate it.

“Altogether, though, my childhood was happy. I had a loving mother. While I do not know my biological father, I had a mentor who acted as one. He and I were close. I had two close friends--one of whom I fell in love with, and was eventually engaged to.” Alinora shrugs. “I have a lot of good memories growing up. Not a lot of bad ones. So I suppose, yes, my childhood was happier than most people’s. Idyllic, even.” 

2. Before making a telephone call, do you rehearse what you are going to say? Why? 

“I do. It helps me feel more confident. I hate stuttering, saying the wrong thing, being at a loss for words. Perhaps it comes from being groomed for the life of a queen. Politics can be a dangerous game if you don’t know exactly what to say, and when.” 

3. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

“I...” Alinora pauses. “The last time I sang to myself... I do not know. It was before the attack on my home. I sang often, then, though not oft in front of company. Usually as I was completing a task, particularly one that was repetitive. As for singing to someone else... I sang to Liera... or what I thought was Liera... the night before I found out that my homeland had fallen.” She falls into a pensive silence, before the next question shakes her out of it.

4. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? 

Alinora hums in thought, the pensive mood from before not quite gone. “The ability to use magic would be a boon. Everyone in Eldora is capable of it--everyone but me. It makes getting around difficult, often. I can nullify it, sure, but even that advantage doesn’t outweigh the rest of it. However, I’m told that this ability is what will allow me to kill Kai’os, so perhaps I do not want to get rid of it just yet. 

“Though this question does speak of gaining one... not losing it. So perhaps, in this theoretical world, I could have both?

“Ah. I’m probably taking this too seriously...”

5. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know? (*)

Alinora is silent for a long moment. “I... would want to know if my loved ones, my mother and my fiancee, if they were happy. Wherever they were now. If there is truly a better place, as the stories say.”

6. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? 

“The death of any loved ones. Well, any sort of death joke, really. It’s a very serious matter that deserves respect,” Alinora says firmly. “I would also say that any insecurities are serious, and deserve to be treated with respect. If you make the joke yourself, that’s one thing. But no one else has that right. Race, sexuality, gender... those, too, can be sensitive subjects.”

7. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? 

“Hmmm. I suppose I should probably not count a day where I get to kill Kai’os, mm? Perfect a day as that might be, it’s a bit unattainable right now. Though I, and my newfound allies, are working on it.

“A perfect day... I’d wake up early, eat, get some training done. Take care of whatever business needs to be had. I wouldn’t remember the attack on my homeland, nor experience any heightened anxiety. I would be left alone, for the most part. Except when I chose to reach out. No one would bug me about my eating habits, or lack of. No one would pester me with uncomfortable questions. It would be... nice. Quiet. Uneventful, mostly. I’d sleep, and I wouldn’t dream.”

8. Do you have a secret hunch on how you’ll die?

“In a battle. Perhaps even the one against Kai’os. He is very powerful, after all, and I am... not. I’ve trained, extensively. But I am not nearly as old or experienced as he is.”

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

Alinora laughs, a sharp bitter sound. “I suppose the opportunity to avenge my loved ones. The fact that I am central to this operation, this mission. I am grateful for that. I am grateful for my training. For being taken in, when my mentor had every reason to turn me out. For my position among the Swans.”

10. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 

“I guess you could say love is what drives me. It was the love that I held--that I hold--for my people, particularly those lost, that kept me going. I knew that I needed to live for them, so that I could ensure that what happened to them would never happen again. 

“Beyond that... I am not sure that love and affection play any role in my life. I do not think I can let them.” 

11. Of all the people in your family, who’s death would you find the most disturbing? Why?

Alinora lets out that sharp, bitter laugh again. “I have one family member left. By default, I suppose, it would be her. Yet, up until recently, I already thought she was dead.” She shakes her head. “Her death would be disturbing. I would mourn her. I would mourn the relationship we never got to have, or repair. But if you had asked me this ten years ago, I would have said my mother.” She smiles wryly. “We see how that turned out, don’t we?” 

12. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 

Alinora thinks. “I cannot think of anything in particular to complain about. Perhaps I would have spent more time with my mother. Perhaps I would have spent more time with the Sage. Explored my lack of powers more, asked more about it. Maybe I would have learned about my nullification ability earlier.” She shrugs.

13. What do you value in a friendship?

Alinora hums. “I don’t have many friends these days. By choice, before anyone goes making sympathetic noises. But, when I did have friends, I valued humor. People who laughed, often. I can be serious. Maybe too serious. Having people around me that could make me laugh, could laugh themselves... It was nice.

“I also valued compassion. I have no taste for those who treat others like their dirt, or who do not see the benefit in helping others. I valued honesty. Loyalty. I liked people who could fill my silences, or who didn’t mind sitting in them with me.” She opens her mouth, as if to continue--then stops, shutting down abruptly, as if she had said too much, or was about to. 

14. When did you last cry in front of someone? By yourself?

“I wake up crying almost every night, after being plagued by terrible nightmares.” Alinora waves it off. It’s nonchalant, almost, except for the way her shoulders have tensed and her face has closed off. “The last time I cried in front of someone... Oh. I don’t recall. Perhaps it was the day I lost my home. Perhaps my mentor walked in on me, one of those nightmare nights. Perhaps his friend, or his friend’s apprentices did. I don’t know if I was crying any of those times, or there were more I didn’t wake up for. I don’t particularly care.”

(But she does. You can tell.) 

15. What is your most terrible memory?

Alinora’s face darkens. “The day I returned to Mynera to find it taken from out beneath us. The day I found out my beloved was replaced by a shifter---before we even left.” Her eyes burn. “The day I found out that so many of those I loved were gone. And I hadn’t even noticed.” 

* This question is entertaining to me, because in one of my original drafts/outlines, I had Alinora find out about her immunity to Fate’s Loom by looking in a pool of water said to tell you your future. She saw nothing. Not even her reflection, which ultimately made her think she didn’t have a future. It’s still a scene I like a lot, but I don’t think it’ll make it into the final draft. Or even this draft. 

I tag: @apvtelesma; @queenie-dragon; @marniebalboa; @vieliwrites; and anyone else who wants to do this~ (Also, if you enjoy tag games or don’t, let me know and I’ll be sure to tag you or not depending on your preference!) 

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Eliza you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Sirius Black

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Sirius Black is a character held very close to my heart, and let me say that when your application came through we were obsessed! You capture him so well, I found myself so drawn in with every new section. From your explanation of him as a character to your headcanons and question responses, it’s obvious to us that you love him as much as we do and will write him beautifully. We’re so excited to see you join us, welcome to the group! *Your faceclaim change to Matthew Daddario has been accepted.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Introduction: I’m Eliza, I’m 22, and my preferred pronouns are she/her.

Activity: I’m currently in my final year of uni, so aside from any sudden tsunami of work (always possible) I’m legit doing nothing except sitting on my laptop trying to figure out how to procrastinate my Commodus essay. So, uh, high.

How did you find us? through the marauders era tag, I think!

Anything else? Nothing that I can think of.

IN CHARACTER

Desired character: Sirius Orion Black – Orion for his father. Sirius is a family name; he’s technically Sirius Black the Third, but that’s not something he likes to shout about.

Birthday / star sign: Sirius was born on November 3rd 1960, which makes him a Scorpio, and if you need anymore proof that astrology is real I don’t know what to tell you.

Occupation:

Bartender. Sirius doesn’t need to work – his Uncle Alphard made sure of that – but he learned the hard way that nothing’s worse for his mental health than sitting around all day, picking at old wounds. He works at a bar just off Diagon Alley, wizarding, except for the occasional lost confused muggle. He’s good at his job; he likes to talk to customers, he enjoys small-talk, and he makes a killer martini – plus, it’s the perfect position to be in to gather information. He’s friendly with his boss, and on the second floor there’s a large room that is the perfect size for meetings of a book club. A very special book club, with no books.

Faceclaim:

I absolutely love Miles, but finding gifs for him is tough – could I use Matthew Daddario instead? (or, if you hate him, Aidan Turner or Harry Styles or Ezra Miller?)

Reason for chosen character:

This is actually the last part of the application I’m filling in – I’ve spent ages trying to figure out how to answer this question. Why did I pick Sirius? I can write him well, that’s true, I have a proper handle on his voice and how I think he’d react in most situations, but it’s more than that. I think that Sirius, in any marauders era rp, has the greatest possibility for plots; he’s extroverted, has a finger in basically every pie, and his future looks pretty bloody dreadful from a canon perspective, which is something I love. Give me all the blood and tears you can and I’m happy. Besides, I like Sirius. I think he’s a good man at heart, but his flaws are so immense that he’s fascinating to write. So I guess I picked him because I’d like to be his friend, but would hate him at the same time, and that’s all you want in a character, really.

In this section you should also describe the character and how you see them.

Inherently, Sirius is a man with many flaws that often overwhelm him. He is trying to be good, but not always succeeding. He enjoys the pain of others too much for comfort; he can switch to cruelty in an instant when threatened. He has much less of a conscience than James does – in fact, many would say that James functions as his conscience, that the two of them are two parts of one whole. When, at sixteen, he finally left the Black family for good, he cut them off in his mind as well as in practice, finding it easier to cope with the pain if he forced the world into black and white instead of shades of grey. It is only as he gets older that he is beginning to see the difficulties of choice facing his cousins – but his pride won’t let him admit such a thing. He was brought up with all the prejudices that came with the Black family name; his parents, though not Death Eaters, were violent people, viciously against muggles and muggleborns. He’s certain that his father at least is a murderer, and knows that they rejoice in the insanity of his cousin Bellatrix and all that brings with it.

The main way Sirius coped with the loss of his family was by demonising the lot of them. That isn’t, in a way, incorrect: the Blacks were and are at the forefront of the Death Eaters, and Sirius was always too compassionate to easily accept that ideology. But equally he refuses to see any good in them. Anyone who is even neutral in the war turns his stomach. He cannot understand the difficulty of choosing between your morals and your family – after all, he did it, didn’t he? He sees fighting as the only moral option, and that puts him in conflict not just with Death Eaters, but with other bystanders too.

Preferred ships // Character sexuality // Gender & Pronouns:

Bisexual | cis male | he/him

Preferred ships: I’m a sucker for wolfstar, but honestly anything with chemistry works for me. If you can come up with a horribly angsty plot, so much the better, because Sirius is not lucky in love.

Details:

Walburga and Orion had a happy marriage, but it was not one that set a good example to their son in terms of love. They never showed affection in public – Sirius never saw them so much as hold hands; when, as he was storming out of Grimmauld Place for the final time when he was sixteen, he saw his father place a hand on Walburga’s shoulder, he knew that he had truly gone too far to turn back. Their affection was based on fierce loyalty, concurrent goals and ideology, and matching intelligence that they both passed down to their eldest son, but they treated each other only with cold respect in front of their children. With no model of domestic harmony to fall back on, Sirius has never been very emotionally capable. Passionate by nature but always unsure of the affection of others, he tended at Hogwarts to fall into a pattern of obsession and then rejection that had him labelled a womaniser.

Sirius’s love for boys – it is a love for boys, he’s long since accepted that; at first he told himself it was just because he liked sex, but that theory’s been scuppered over and over again – is something that he is relatively open about. He is lucky in that his group of friends are quite accepting; even those who don’t understand the sexual revolution that has been happening in the last decade see it as another of his quirks, oh, that’s just Sirius. His self-confidence, as fuelled by the Marauders, has meant that he has rarely struggled with his sexuality – it’s another thing his family would hate him for, and therefore something else to be proud of.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER

Potential plots:

1. James Potter:

James and Sirius are two parts of one whole – Sirius sees him, with typical casual self-deprecation, as the sunlight to his own shadow. Sirius is hardly the sort of person to let anyone take a curse if he’s in the vicinity, but for James Sirius is pretty sure he’d do anything. Not only did James complete the transformation, already begun through his parents’ cruelty, of Sirius from Pureblood supremacist to fully-fledged blood traitor, but also makes him the best person he can be. Around James, all of Sirius’s rough edges are smoothed out; he’s at his funniest, and also at his kindest. They see each other every day, people take the absolute piss, and Sirius loves it.

2. Remus Lupin:

Ah, Remus. Sirius has been in love with a lot of people throughout his life – he can’t help it, he’s a Scorpio – but Remus, well, he lingered. Not that Sirius would say anything, and he spends half his time mocking his friend so thoroughly that no one suspects, and anyway, he’s over it, obviously, times five hundred. But there it is – Remus Lupin, lingering.

They work well together, is all. Remus looks blankly at him every time he makes a bad joke, which is excellent for Sirius’s ego; when Remus wakes up bloodied and furious with himself and the world, Sirius is there, feet up on the bottom of his bed, bottle of water in one hand and cigarette in the other. Remus knows that Sirius secretly likes to read, curled up in his kitchen with a mug of strong coffee, and Sirius knows how Remus likes his gin (strong, expensive). They might not be like James and Sirius, but they can sit in silence for hours, and a lot of the time, that’s all Sirius needs.

3. Regulus Black:

For a long time, Regulus was Sirius’s only friend – something he now says in a tone that’s supposed to be funny, but no one really laughs. A large part of Sirius, larger than he’d like to admit, knows how similar they are, how easily he could have been like Reg, had he not been the heir and subject to more pressure, had he not had James, and for a while he tried to be James to Regulus. But it was fruitless; perhaps it always would have been. Every so often they see each other, and it makes Sirius want to go and drink for five days – usually he then does.

4. Aversio

Sirius was an obvious choice for Aversio recruitment – not only is his cousin Andromeda a member, but he has often vocally and emphatically (and sometimes violently) declared his dissatisfaction with the Order. Weighed down by bureaucracy and occasionally the very prejudices they claim to fight against, Sirius sees the Order as a useless, bloated organisation, too afraid to do anything except wave placards in the air outside the Ministry. He has taken part in several Aversio attacks, but keeps his involvement entirely secret, except from other members. He is suspected, of course, and doesn’t like to openly lie, but there’s no proof; he’s still a member of the Order on the surface. He sees fighting fire with fire as a moral choice – to do anything other than the utmost is to betray the cause, and to be no better than the enemy.

Mini-headcanons:

nicknames padfoot

star sign scorpio

mbti ESFP, the Entertainer

greek mythological counterpart Poseidon, god of the sea, of earthquakes, of storms and horses, protector of seafarers, associated with drowning and madness.

season autumn

deadly sin pride

heavenly virtue liberality

element fire

flower gladiolus. Gladioli symbolise strength of character, faithfulness and honour, as well as remembrance and infatuation, with a bouquet conveying to a recipient that they pierce the giver’s heart with passion.

colour storm-grey

wand elm wood, unicorn hair, 11 inches, excellent for hexes

patronus black dog

early bird or night owl night owl

greatest fear rejection by his found family

secret superstition has a terrible habit of crossing his fingers while he sleeps to ward off bad dreams

small facts

Sirius can ice skate. He can play the piano. He can ballroom dance. He can make a wicked spaghetti bolognese. He likes to read, but can’t write to save his life; his handwriting is something close to incomprehensible. He has an average singing voice, he loves muggle music, and he wishes that he was born a Beatle. When he was fifteen years old he lost his virginity to a distant French cousin of James’s somewhere behind the Potters’ Quidditch pitch. He has been in love, at various points in his school career, with Remus Lupin, Lily Evans, Glenda Chittock, and probably Minerva McGonagall. He hates anything that tastes like nuts, won’t touch sugar quills, and changes his hairstyle every three days. You can tell that he’s unhappy because he retreats inwards, goes quiet, stormy. He likes Quidditch but prefers motorcycles, much to James’s disgust. He thinks marriage is a scam, but secretly wants children desperately. He loves cats, but they hate him. He would die for his friends.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

Do you think it is more important to be feared or loved? Which would you rather be?

SIRIUS: Loved, for sure. Who’d say feared? Being feared is awful; there’s nothing more toxic. It wraps itself around your lungs like a sickness, like clove cigarette smoke, and twists you all up inside until it’s all you lust after, that look in someone’s eyes when they’re afraid of you. No, that’s not for me – I couldn’t trust myself not to want more. Love is good enough.

What is one thing you would never want said about you?

SIRIUS: That I was boring. Can you imagine? You’re sitting there, in your Hufflepuff scarf (you’re definitely a Hufflepuff in this scenario), and you’re eavesdropping on some older, way cooler students (one of them is especially dashing) and they say that they got trapped in conversation with you on Tuesday and couldn’t get away. They wanted to get away from you because you bored them to tears. I think I’d rather die than be in that position. You know what they say – all huff, no puff. Or something. Do they say that? They should.

If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it!

SIRIUS: oh, I’d absolutely invent a cure for lycanthropy. I don’t know if it’d be a charm, or a potion – probably a charm, because Lupin’s the worst at taking potions on time, and he’s the only werewolf I give a fuck about. Wait, did he not say that? Did he forget he was a werewolf? What, and I’m here, slaving over a cauldron, wasting my life away in this dingy basement (obviously I’m brewing this world-changing potion in a basement, by torchlight, also for some weird reason I’m wearing a full-length black robe?) like Nicholas fucking Flamel? I swear to God –

What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

SIRIUS: it’s not necessarily that I find making decisions hard. I make decisions fast, and find it hard to go back on them. It’s more that – well, making the correctdecisions is difficult.

When I was sixteen – and I’m not introducing my age because I think it excuses it; it doesn’t, I’m just trying to set the damn scene – I made a mistake that could have – well, I was going to say it could have destroyed my friendships, but it was more than that. It could have made me a murderer, and Remus too. I’m only telling you this because I am assuming it will never go any further than the two of us. I don’t tell other people’s secrets.

I hated Severus Snape from our first day at Hogwarts. He was arrogant, and he was nasty, and he was clearly in deep with the dark arts, which I don’t hold with. Prongs hated him too, for other reasons that he’ll probably tell you considering he takes any opportunity to go on about Evans. And sixth year was shit. Again, that isn’t an excuse – but that’s what my mindset was, that autumn. My uncle Alphard had just died. I knew that I would never see my brother again, and traitor that he was, he was – is – still my brother. I came back to Hogwarts in September and it felt like a dark cloud had just broken over my head. It wouldn’t go away. I’m going to put this bluntly, because it’s how I do things best – Remus is a werewolf. That’s relevant.

In November, we all knew Snape was sniffing around. Moony had been off at the beginning of the month, and it had been a shit full moon; I wasn’t in a good enough place to control him as well as I should’ve been, and we were all roughed up the next day, Moony the worst. Prongs had a nasty black eye, as I remember; I had a cut up face, Peter was limping. Snape had been watching us. We were all on edge; he’d been close to figuring out Moony’s secret for years, and we knew that if he found proof he’d spread it all around the school. He’d want Remus out – expelled, or worse. As December grew closer, we grew worse. We were snapping at each other, we were getting close to fights every damn evening. Moony was pale and ill the entire month, there wasn’t even the usual grace period between moons. It felt like everything was bad.

The full moon was on December 2nd. That day, James and I had had a catastrophic fight about everything and nothing – we bickered like fucking lovers back then. I bumped into Snape at the bottom of the Astronomy tower, and I – I told him where to find Remus.

God, I regretted it. I regretted it immediately. But even then, even though I knew it was wrong, I hadn’t figured it all out. I’ve always been bad at seeing consequences. When I found James and told him, I was laughing. I thought we’d give Snape a scare – then he’d never bother us again. James has always been a better man than me; he knew immediately what would happen. Remus would kill Snape, or bite him – we weren’t sure which was worse. James went after him. He saved his life. Snape wasn’t grateful, the fucker, but I – well.

Remus forgave me first. He shouldn’t have; I didn’t deserve it. I couldn’t give less of a shit if Snape dies, but Remus would have been affected; I would’ve made a killer out of him. But we could never fight for long; we don’t give each other the silent treatment. I think Remus would forgive me anything. James, on the other hand, took months. Even now, he looks at me different. That’s the sort of decision I’d take back in an instant. That’s the sort of decision I find hard to make.

REACTION TO LAST EVENT DROP

Sirius would be right up there with Amelia and Dirk at the Quidditch match – he fiercely believes that Aversio has the right way forward, and especially after the Order’s apparent dismissal of Edgar Bones’s disappearance (Sirius sees everything other than intense passion as dismissal), he’s feeling even more frustrated and disenfranchised. He would absolutely be helping Marlene and James, though likely getting in the way somewhat, given his tendency to go in all guns blazing (all wands blazing?) when it comes to his family. Fuck Bellatrix is his phrase of the week…well, the month. The year?

I don’t know if Sirius would take direct part in the actual mission to rescue Edgar – it probably makes more sense rp-wise if he didn’t, maybe because the others don’t trust him (though I don’t know if James would leave him behind). Either way, Ed’s return is a positive for two reasons – one, Sirius likes the bloke, and two, he’s hoping he can use Ed’s rescue as a concrete example of Aversio doing better than the Order. Politics, mate.

WRITING SAMPLE

Sirius Black was up a tree.

He didn’t spend a lot of time up trees, as a rule. But it was the first of September, and as such he was avoiding people - and in the Potter household, the only place it was feasible to be alone was in the branches of the huge oak tree in the grounds, out by the Quidditch pitch. He’d climbed it, hands slipping on the wet bark, about an hour previously, and he was starting to shiver.

It was unseasonably cold for September. The wind whistled through the leaves of the trees and caught at his hair, tangling it into messy curls; he huffed and pushed it out of his face and let the rain sweep down in huge sheets. He imagined it washing his features away, leaving him with nothing but a blank canvas which he could paint over, inscribe new eyes, a new nose, a new mouth. Maybe he would make himself a Potter. He closed his eyes and imagined them hazel and bright instead of grey and sharp, and knew he was being fanciful. In the Black household, being fanciful was on a par with dreaming below your station, and Sirius, though naturally imaginative, couldn’t shake that last remnant of his mother’s distaste.

He opened his eyes and watched the water drip off his eyelashes in diamond flashes. He was freezing. Surely, he thought, somewhat bitterly, if this was meant to be a formative moment in his life the world would allow him a few more moments to be at least healthily warm so that he could get his musings into better shape. But it was not to be: he was starting to shake, and even he couldn’t pretend to be fine much longer.

Below him, a figure was struggling through the wind, down the sloping grass from the front door. “Sirius!” the figure howled into the combative weather, the wind tossing his voice away towards the lake. “Oi! Black! Are you completely fucking insane?! Get inside, it’s half-eight! Mum’s made bacon!”

Bacon - now that, at least, jerked Sirius out of his stupid melancholy mood. He slid gracefully down the trunk of the tree and landed with a thump and a squelch of mud in front of his friend, who glared at him through rain-speckled glasses.

“I,” he explained, with dignity, “was having life-changing thoughts.”

“Brilliant,” snapped James, in a manner that suggested it most definitely was not. “But Catchlove’s tits can wait, Black, because I’m starving.”

[ceilingwaxandmagicstuff]

36 Questions to Fall In Love

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

I would love the opportunity to sit down to dinner with my grandfather again as he was before he began losing his memories. 

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

One of my deepest hopes is to contribute to the betterment of humanity in some measurable way. I would like to be famous posthumously for discovering or creating something that makes the world better off. 

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

Before I entered the military I didn’t pay a lot of mind to scripting my responses, and I still don’t rehearse my phone calls, but I definitely write things out beforehand to ensure any extra emotion has a chance to vent itself to ensure I present myself as cool and collected. 

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

Alone I would love to play Nintendo DS in a sunny place and eat delicious food. With my friends I would love to explore a new city and eat delicious food.

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

I sing to myself in the shower daily. I sang at my mother’s friend’s wedding.

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

The mind is the obvious choice for me. The body would just be odd. Assuming the “mind of a 30 year old” means the mental clarity and not the knowledge gained at 30, because I wouldn’t stop evolving at 30. 

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

Car accident.

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

I would hope they would be kindness, intellect and a love of deep conversation. 

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

My family and friends are high caliber people. 

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

My father got remarried and attempted to blend family’s so many times which I felt was very stressful for my brother and myself. 

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

My parents divorced when I was seven. I’ve always been quite precocious. I had a hard time fitting in until I got to college where I met my best friend Katy. After college I couldn’t find work that made me feel relevant and wanted to do something good for humanity so I joined the Navy to learn Korean and I hope to one day teach and do embassy work. I have a lovely relationship with my family, especially my mother’s side and my younger brother is my favorite person in the world. Also I have a cat and she lives with my mom.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Speak Korean fluently.

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

Whether we will ever continue our society on other planets. Will we survive climate change, and how will it pan out?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

I’ve dreamt of living in another country, I haven’t done it because I didn’t feel adult enough and always had a partner to think about. Now that I am more independent I am much closer to actualizing my ideas. 

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

I felt the most proud of myself the day I graduated from basic training. I feel that I didn’t think I would make it and was so surprised that I could do it. I became so much stronger.

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

Soulmates and loyalty. You have to have a spark with me from the onset, endurance and be a friend forever.

17. What is your most treasured memory?

Spending time at my grandparent’s home in Arizona.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

Tyler Newman not couple skating with me and turning me down in front of my whole family in first grade at skate night.

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

I would travel as much as possible, but I wouldn’t tell any of my family. 

20. What does friendship mean to you?

Infinity.

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

The most important roles.

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

Loving, Loyal, Compassionate, Deep, Intellectual

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

My family, particularly my mother’s side is extremely close and warm. I am very close with my father’s side as well, but my childhood was not particularly happy because of my parent’s divorce and my father’s many attempts to blend families. 

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

I hope I can be like her. She is such a beautiful person and I love her so much. She raised me to be weird and warm and wonderful. 

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “

We are both magical. We are both smiling. We are both good people.

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “

every part of myself, and food.

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I lie sometimes.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

I like that you know what you want out of life, and that you are so passionate and driven, moreso than most people you have the makings of greatness. 

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

When I didn’t win the poetry competition, but I had been told I won. I gave my mother divinity to chew on in case she got nervous when I went on the stage, and then found out I wouldn’t be called up. I felt so stupid and wished I hadn’t been so proud. 

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

I cried in front of my best friend because I was sad about what happened in April and I thought I wouldn’t get better. I last cried by myself last week for no reason in particular. 

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

I like your eyes, and I like your laugh.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

There is an appropriate way to involve humor in any subject as long as you know and respect your audience and there is a point to be made by adding a humorous tack.

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

I feel very comforted by the fact that everyone I know knows how I feel about them and there is nothing more I need to say to anyone. I would most regret not having them there with me to say my final goodbye.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

My fossilized clam that I found with my grandfather. 

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

My younger brother. Somehow I feel like he wouldn’t know it was happening, would be scared and in pain and wouldn’t be accepting of it, or know he had died. I wouldn’t be content in the idea that he would have gone off well and wouldn’t want me to worry or be sad.

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

I feel undeserving of love. 

[lupinology]

DISCLAIMER: ANTI-SNAPE POST

IT’S ALSO REALLY LONG (SORRY MY DUDES)

Severus Snape grew up in an abusive household, which is something no child should have to go through. Until he met Lily Evans, he had little to no happiness in his life. When they did meet, however, he finally felt like he had something to live for. He had a friend, at long last. He told her all about the Wizarding World, and magic, and Hogwarts… He even got to go to Hogwarts with her - but then they were Sorted into different Houses. Not just any Houses either: Gryffindor and Slytherin, known rivals. Snape immediately felt part of Lily slip away from him.

Regardless of this, they remained friends and also became friends with people from their own Houses. James Potter, from Gryffindor, took a particular interest in Lily. His feelings were completely unrequited, as she paid him no attention. James and his best friend, Sirius Black, decided to pick on Snape and taunt him about his greasy hair and hooked nose. Lily and Snape did their best to ignore the stupid Gryffindor boys, thinking it would pass soon, but it did not.

In no way is the Marauders’ behaviour towards Snape - or anyone else they bullied - excusable. There is never a time where bullying can be excused. ‘They’re just boys’ or ‘it was just a joke’ are pathetic, primary school-level excuses.

Throughout all their years at Hogwarts, James and Sirius - along with Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew - bullied Snape, the teasing becoming worse and worse each year. James relentlessly pursued Lily, but her opinion of him merely decreased even more with every insult directed at her best friend.

Snape was not completely innocent, however. He had become good friends with some of the more ‘dodgy’ Slytherins and Lily was worried that he might become a Voldemort supporter like his friends. She warned him of this but he told her not to worry. She was wary of how his behaviour towards her had changed in the more recent years.

In fifth-year, Snape made the mistake of calling Lily a Mudblood. He immediately realised what he had done and tried to fix it, but this had been the final nudge for Lily, and she cut all ties with him. He was left with the Slytherins, wanting more than anything to undo his error.

Snape called her this in the spur of the moment and instantly regretted it. It does not change the fact that it is an extremely insulting and negative term, similar to the ‘N word’ when used by non-black people in modern day. He could have possibly made up for it, had it been the first thing he had done wrong, but because it was something that proceeded a long list of instances where he had ditched Lily or said something that sounded like something a Voldemort supporter would say, Lily lost her patience and stopped having any contact with him.

Two years later, Lily finally agreed to go out with James, and they later married. Snape - whom Lily had still not spoken to - grew infuriated from this rejection and decided to join a terrorist group who aimed to wipe out Lily’s kind (Muggleborns). As you do.

I can imagine that losing your best friend/the love of your life to the person who had incessantly bullied you for years was not easy. I can sympathise with Snape and take a guess that he would have been feeling hurt and agitated. However, this does not justify that joining the Death Eaters was the right thing to do. Telling someone to move on is a lot easier than actually being able to do it, and I think it’s pretty clear that Snape found it particularly difficult. I still don’t see how joining Voldemort was the right way to deal with this rejection.

When the prophecy is made that a boy born at the end of July will bring Voldemort to his end, Snape sets out to ensure that Voldemort does not harm Lily when he goes to kill Lily and James’s son, Harry. Snape does not, however, say anything about James (unsurprisingly) or Harry himself.

I think that if Snape had really loved Lily, he would have tried to persuade Voldemort that it was another baby born at the end of July. I don’t think letting the ‘love of your life’s’ child be murdered by an evil wizard is an act of bravery or love.

Also, letting an infant be potentially murdered? Downright disgusting.

After Lily is killed by Voldemort, Snape is stricken with grief and agrees to become a double agent for Dumbledore.

Would Snape have gone back to ‘the good side’ if it hadn’t been for Lily’s death? Probably not, given his behaviour up to this point. We can never know for sure, as Lily canonically did indeed die, but if you look at Snape’s character and his traits, you don’t see him as the kind of man to suddenly go back to ‘the good side’ and start working as a double agent - which is a seriously risky business - for no reason.

I understand that losing the apparent love of your life is very sad! He didn’t get together with her after years of trying to and never gets to redeem himself or make up with her, which is really sad, and I can completely sympathise with this. Even after losing her and having to watch her marry James, it is still really sad. HOWEVER (and I hate to put this however here but it’s me so I’m going to anyway) this does not mean that he can stay hung up on her death for a further seventeen years and take it out on innocent schoolchildren who have done nothing wrong (hence, innocent).

Skip forward to when Lily’s son starts at Hogwarts. On Harry’s very first day, Snape is already abusing his position of power.

He asks Harry - a boy who has grown up in the Muggle world and only recently been made aware of the existence of the Wizarding community - very difficult questions and then mocks him when he doesn’t know the answer to them.

One might argue that Hermione was also brought up by Muggles and had only recently been enlightened on the existence of the Wizarding World, but Harry and Hermione are different people. Hermione probably went to Diagon Alley the day after she got her letter and bought every book on the magical world she saw (which was probably nearly every book in the shop).

While Snape is a teacher during Harry’s time at Hogwarts, he is significantly abusive towards numerous Gryffindor students and has a clear bias towards his own House (Slytherin), which is something the other Heads of Houses do not possess (the bias, I mean).

The other Heads of Houses are fair and just, and do not let their personal loyalties affect the number of points they give/deduct. An example of this is when Professor McGonagall takes points off of members of her own House (Gryffindor) for their inexcusable behaviour. Snape deducts points from Gryffindor purely because he has a bad past with the House, seeing as it was the place where the boys who bullied him belonged, and the place where one of said boys’ son belonged; the love of his life’s son belonged.

Snape’s bias towards Slytherin led to him revealing a very personal secret of Remus Lupin’s to the entirety of Slytherin House. Revealing information like that is threatening to Lupin’s career and also highly unprofessional for Snape himself. It could be classified as gossip. And why does he tell Lupin’s secret? Because Lupin had participated in the teasing of Snape during their years at Hogwarts. Let go of those grudges, Snape, and grow up. Granted, his discovery of Remus’s lycanthropy was probably quite mentally harrowing, but he still should not reveal such information to his students.

I can understand that Snape would have been upset after Lily died, since she had been the one to ‘save him’ before they started at Hogwarts, and also because he claimed to love Lily, but I think that, at this point (thirteen years after her death) he should have moved on. It doesn’t look like he has even tried to find closure.

Snape is horrible to Harry, mainly because Harry reminds him of James, which is a completely pathetic reason to deliberately pick on a child who has done nothing wrong. Yes, it isn’t nice to be bullied at school, but this is not a reason to take it out on your bully’s innocent child.

Snape also bullies Neville Longbottom, who was another boy born at the end of July; the Other Chosen One. Snape targets him because if Voldemort had chosen Neville instead of Harry, Lily would probably still be alive. This is a horrible reason to abuse a child. It wasn’t Neville who decided to go after the Potters; Neville couldn’t help what Voldemort chose to do. I mean, Snape once threatened to kill Neville’s toad because Neville’s potion had gone horribly wrong and would poison Trevor (the toad) it was so bad. That kind of threat is just borderline horrific.

While we’re on the subject of Neville Longbottom, let’s talk about how his parents were tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange to the point of insanity. You’d think that Bellatrix or someone using the Cruciatus Curse would be Neville’s greatest fear, but no: his Potions professor was his greatest fear, his Boggart. That’s how poorly Snape mistreated these children. He completely abused his position of power.

When Draco Malfoy curses Hermione and causes her front teeth - which she is already self-conscious about - to grow excessively, Snape looks at her and says “I see no difference” which is an absolutely horrible and inexcusable thing to do to a fifteen-year-old girl who has never done anything that would be worthy of this kind of response. Snape calls Hermione “an insufferable know-it-all” and never chooses her in class when she quite clearly knows the answer to anything he asks.

Some people would argue that he picked on these kids so that Voldemort wouldn’t question his loyalties, but I don’t think Snape had to be quite so aggressive with them. He didn���t have to ignore a girl who obviously knew the answer when nobody else did to prove that he was a good Death Eater, did he?

In 1995/6, Snape mocks Sirius because Sirius cannot leave Grimmauld Place.

This behaviour is childish, immature and very unprofessional. I understand that Sirius was a large part of bullying Snape during their years at Hogwarts, which was inexcusable, as I have said before, but if Snape had moved on and not clung on so keenly to the past, he might have had a more pleasant adult life.

When he is dying, he asks Harry to look him in the eyes so that he could see Lily’s eyes.

This is just really creepy. It doesn’t matter if you loved someone when you were fifteen - you have to learn to find closure and move on. Especially when they marry someone else! Nothing was going to happen between him and Lily, especially when she was killed by Voldemort. I understand that it can be seen as ‘sweet’ that he held onto her for so long and never had eyes for anyone else, but for me I think it’s just him being unable to move on and being stuck in the past and obsessing over a dead woman.

Lots of Snape apologists (try to) use the argument that says “Of course Snape was mean! Just look at his childhood and schooldays! Who wouldn’t be a horrible person after all of that?”

First of all, yes, Snape did indeed suffer a terrible childhood. He was abused at home by his father and was not properly cared for by his parents; he did not receive the love and attention a child at those ages should have received. There is nothing that can justify this. I feel sorry for Snape when it comes to his childhood (before Hogwarts) because he had no friends and had no support from his family, therefore he was isolated and alone, which is a horrible fate for someone so young.

His schooldays were spent pining after his best friend and/or hanging out with some very dodgy people. I’m not going to criticise him for pining after Lily, as he was a teenage boy and such behaviour is expected. However, he knew full well that the boys he chose to be friends with were troublesome and supporters of the Dark Arts, but he did not think to stay away from them. These boys’ influence on him is one of the main reasons as to why he eventually calls Lily a Mudblood, of all things. The boys were prejudiced against Muggleborns and would go on to become Death Eaters later in their lives. He could have chosen to stop hanging out with these boys, which would have made a significant difference in who he was as a person later on in his own life.

Saying ‘who wouldn’t be a horrible person’ after growing up in an abusive household and suffering from bullies at school is invalid, and Harry Potter is a perfect example of why. He was raised by magic-hating Muggles who forced him to live in a cupboard for twelve years and sparingly fed him. He did not receive any love or the proper attention a child should, and probably didn’t hug anyone until Hagrid (and hugs are great, so). Then when he starts at Hogwarts - which he believes is somewhere he can finally be treated like a real person - he is incessantly bullied by his professor purely mainly because he looks like his father (although he didn’t learn this for a few years, and so was under the impression that his teacher hated him for no reason). Yet after seventeen years of abusive guardians and (during five of those years) a fascist Potions professor who was stuck in the past, Harry Potter is still a wonderful person.

To conclude I would like to say that I just don’t think Snape deserved the redemption JKR gave him, and in the end it doesn’t matter to me whether she intended for him to redeem himself or not, because I don’t think it was good enough. I think Snape is a brilliantly written character: very complex and extremely well thought-out, and Alan Rickman portrays him absolutely beautifully.  Having said that, I hate him with every fibre of my being and hope he is burning in hell.

TYSM for taking the time to read this and I apologise once again for the length. This is just over four pages, so well done for powering through that. Please reblog to promote awarenesss that this greasy slimeball did not deserve his “redemption”!

[miss-musings]

TBL: Retconned Kaplan

There is a subject of contention among The Blacklist fanbase – Kaplan’s ‘turning’ against Red b/c of her affection for Liz (because she was once her nanny). I would like to argue that the whole thing is definitely a retcon.

A very long meta below the jump.

With the premiere of 4x16 and 4x17, suddenly, the dynamic between Kaplan and Red wasn’t about Kaplan’s loyalty to Red, and saving Liz as a way to protect him from himself. No, it instead ‘turned’ her into Liz’s former nanny who had this parental kind of affection for her young charge.

If I went back to the beginning of the series, it would take me a long time, but let’s just look at all the information that Kaplan told us about why she “betrayed” Red and helped Liz fake her death.

In 3x18, we are given very good indications that Kaplan had something to do with Liz’s “death.”

She gives Liz concerned looks from the front seat as they are driving in the car, and even remarks how Liz and her family deserve better than what they’re getting.

She has that sly conversation with Nick before Red walks in about doing something with little risk.

There’s that ominous shot of her looking at Liz holding Agnes, again looking concerned.

She goes to talk to Liz and Tom alone after Liz doesn’t let Red see Agnes.

She had access to the medical equipment, the body, etc. She gives Liz’s “corpse” one last serious look before zipping up the body bag at the end.

Now, I don’t really have a problem with Kaplan being the one who organized Liz’s “death.” I wish they’d have built it up more earlier in the season, but they did a decent enough job with it in the episode itself that I could see her wanting to help Liz after having a baby and after been placed in such danger. (Plus, Megan Boone deserved her maternity leave and they had to ‘writer her out of the show’ somehow. They didn’t have to “kill” her, but… I digress.)

Following the revelation that Liz was actually alive (which surprised the characters but not the audience), the writers basically beat us over the head with not one, not two, not three, not four, but FIVE FUCKING SCENES where Kaplan explains why she “betrayed” Red. Because, ya know, we need to be spoon-fed that information about 800 times, because we iz dum.

Now, I certainly could see one, or even two scenes where Kaplan and Red talk about this. The first to spell it out for Red, who takes things to heart, and clarify it for the audience. And then a second time in S4, maybe to reiterate the point for any new viewers who skipped over parts of S3.

But, let’s just break these scenes down one-by-one.

EXPLANATORY SCENE ONE

Here’s a transcript from the scene where Red confronts Kaplan on the flight down to Cuba about how and why she helped Liz fake her death.

Red: How?

Kaplan: The ‘how’ won’t change anything. … I suppose I knew what I would do that afternoon in the car on the drive to the mobile I.C.U. That poor girl. So afraid. Always looking over her shoulder. In the dark about who she was and why it mattered. But it wasn’t just about Elizabeth anymore. Her child was already paying the price for her association with you. …I saw my opportunity. (Flashback Kaplan talking to Liz: I know you’re afraid, sweetie. You should be. Agnes will never be safe in Raymond’s world. The question is… how are far are you willing to go to protect her?)

Red: I saw her die.

Kaplan: You saw what the doctor allowed you to see.

(More details about how they did it, blah, blah, blah….)

Red: Had it really come to that?

Kaplan: She loved her daughter that much… Yes, Raymond. It had come to that.

EXPLANATORY SCENE TWO

In the next episode, 4x01, after Red has been giving Kate the silent treatment, Kate confronts him in a Cuban cafe as they’re waiting for information and tells him the following:

“It was excruciating to watch you mourn Elizabeth’s death. To know that I was making you endure that. Yes, I betrayed you. But only after you had betrayed her. Raymond, you have to change. I took Elizabeth from you, and now I need your help to get her back. And once you do, and I know you will, you have to let her go.”

EXPLANATORY SCENE THREE (AND 3.5)

Then, in 4x02, as Tom is torturing Nikos for information about Mato (who is holding Agnes), Red apologizes to Kaplan that they had to resort to such violent methods with her friend. Kaplan starts again about why she betrayed Red:

“I didn’t just give you my friend as an act of contrition. I’m not sorry for what I did. I betrayed you for the same reason that I just betrayed Nikos: to keep Elizabeth safe. Just like you asked me to all those years ago when you first put her in my arms as a baby girl. Only now she has a baby girl of her own. And your existence in their lives puts them in constant danger.”

And in a short scene between Kaplan and Tom, we get this little nugget from Kaplan:

“In my desire to make life easier for your baby, I betrayed Raymond.”

EXPLANATORY SCENE FOUR

Then at the very end of 4x02, when Red “kills” Kaplan, she again reiterates that she betrayed him for Liz’s and Agnes’ sake:

Kaplan: “I dedicated my life to you. You entrusted me with everything you value. Your freedom. Your life. A child. I have never failed you. What you see as a betrayal of your trust was actual a fulfillment of your wishes: to protect your interests. No more, no less.”

Red: “You presumed to decide what was best for me… I can’t trust you. Ever… I’m standing before a stranger. And yet, I know you believe you did what was best for Elizabeth…”

EXPLANATORY SCENE FIVE

And if ALL that wasn’t enough, we get yet ANOTHER scene where Kaplan explains why she helped Elizabeth and Agnes in 4x08 where she exposits to Cabin Dude about how and why she got shot.

“The man you saw in the picture was my employer. He lost his way. At least that’s how I saw it. He placed a lovely young woman and her baby girl in terrible danger. Not deliberately, mind you. He loves them deeply. But enough to blind him to the reality that his very presence in their lives constitutes a threat. Not just to them, but to himself as well. I tried to help them. All I managed to do was to place her and the child in even greater danger. My efforts earned me a bullet in the head.”

ANALYSIS

Here’s the kicker: as Kaplan says in that first explanation… Liz was always in danger, always in the dark. DURING ALL THAT TIME THEY SPENT TOGETHER FROM 1X10… KAPLAN NEVER BOTHERED TO HELP LIZ “ESCAPE” FROM “RAYMOND’S WORLD” BEFORE.

It was ONLY because Agnes was now in the picture that Kaplan felt like she should act.

If Kaplan really, really had cared about Liz in a parental kind of way from the beginning, I imagine she would’ve told Liz to get out a long time ago, and she would’ve helped her do it.

No, the impetus for the whole thing isn’t Liz. It’s AGNES.

“AGNES will never be safe in Raymond’s world.”

Liz’s reason for leaving Red was Agnes. Kaplan’s reason for helping Liz leave Red was Agnes. There was no other reason given in this conversation.

And notice how through all these explanations, Kaplan’s reasoning flips back and forth between protecting Agnes and protecting Liz. Now, yes, I realize that Liz and Agnes are basically inseparable at this point. To protect Liz is to protect Agnes, and vice versa. But, theoretically, there is a way to keep Agnes safe without ‘faking’ Liz’s death… adoption. But, that option is out from the viewers’ perspective because we just did this whole rigmarole of how Liz was considering adoption and then decided not to. But, Kaplan doesn’t know that. No, based on her conversation with Liz in the 3x23 (where they flashback to 3x18, shortly after Agnes’ birth), Kaplan’s immediate plan was to fake Liz’s death.

So, by this logic and Kaplan’s own admission, she’s not looking out for one or the other, but really she’s looking out for both mother and daughter. But then, why not fake both their deaths??? Then, it would make perfect sense for Red to let Tom fade out of the picture and then Tom could run off to be with Liz and Agnes in secret. After Liz’s “death,” basically Red's whole reason for existence is Agnes. And if she’s “dead,” too, then there’s no reason for him to hang around the Keen family post-3x18. Kaplan had to have known that whenever Tom ran off with Agnes that Red was going to follow and/or ask questions. But, fake-killing a newborn and her mom is a little harsh, I guess, either from Kaplan’s perspective or the writers’, so…. that’s a no-go.

Anyway, Kaplan’s reasoning at this point is: save Liz from Red by faking her death, spirit Agnes (and Tom) away so they can all be together in secret, safe from Red and all the bullshit and danger he brings with him.

And she reasons all this to Red as a “fulfillment of his wishes,” which I can only assume means “keeping Liz (and her family) safe.” After all, that’s what Red’s been about since the pilot.

Yet, notice how Kaplan flips back and forth between admitting she betrayed Red and saying she didn’t. She’s trying to justify it by saying that what he did to Liz and her family was worse. She betrayed him only after he betrayed Elizabeth… She betrayed Red to ultimately fulfill his wishes… He had lost his way… He was endangering them.

This is, of course, completely glossing over the fact that Liz wasn’t in danger at the church because of Red. In fact, Red and his team were the ones protecting her. Liz was in danger because of WHO SHE IS (or rather because of who Kirk thought she was), with no reference to her connection to Red. This isn’t to say that Red hasn’t placed Liz in danger — Kaplan is actually quite right on that front. But, I guess because Liz was the “victim,” and she was pregnant, and her wedding was getting interrupted, and Red wasn’t explaining jack-fucking-shit, it was all basically his fault. But, let’s give Kaplan the benefit of the doubt and assume she didn’t know why Kirk was after Liz or that Kirk was really Rostov.

So, in all, the writers bothered to hit us over the head with five explanations, with some conflicting information:

Did Kaplan do it for Liz or Agnes, or both? I assume both, because they’re basically intertwined at this point, even though Kaplan can’t seem to decide on who she was really looking out for.

Did Kaplan feel guilty about what she did? She didn’t like seeing Red mourn Elizabeth, but she also says she’s not sorry for what she did. Maybe she is guilty and doesn’t want to admit it?

Does Kaplan admit to betraying Red or not? She probably thinks that she didn’t REALLY betray him, but fulfilled his wishes, but realizes that Red will see it as a betrayal, and thus says she “betrayed” him with mental air quotes around that whenever she says it to him.

When exactly did Red betray Liz from Kaplan’s perspective? Liz was in the dark about who she was and why it mattered, and Red was “endangering” her from Day 1. I mean, Liz got freakin’ kidnapped in 1x10 because Anslo figured that Red had some connection to Liz. So, from the time that Kaplan first met Liz in 1x10, Liz was in the dark and in danger, thanks to Red. Why not fake her death then?

No, this was all a writers’ ploy to get Boone off the show for her maternity leave (which, I certainly don’t blame her that the writers chose to write her character off this way), and simultaneously create “drama” between Kaplan and Red, and between Red and Liz (which has never been satisfactorily addressed even a fucking season later).

I suppose in-universe, you could chalk it up to Kaplan being frustrated and under-the-gun and not planning Liz’s escape/”death" with very good foresight, and then, when Red confronts her about it, she tries every reasoning she can to try to get back on his good side, using Liz and Agnes as sort of emotional leverage (ie, “See, I did it because I care about the people you also care about, so please don’t shoot me.”) Yet, in a scene with Tom, Kaplan admits that Red doesn’t know what to do with her, and she’s not going to make it any easier or any harder for him.

WHY IT’S A RETCON

But, notice, I mean: REALLY NOTICE, that during all this bullshit, Kaplan NEVER. ONCE. mentions anything about being Liz’s nanny, agreeing to work with Red on Day 1 only to keep Liz safe, openly admitting that, if she had to choose, she would Liz over Red any day of the week, or that Red agreed to that wholeheartedly.

In the five fucking scenes we get of explanations on why Kaplan did this, including one that came after she was shot in 4x02, she never says anything about the 'supposed’ backstory we saw in 4x17.

(So, while I’m not ruling out Kaplan in S4c as being an unreliable narrator post-GSW, her explanation to Cabin Guy doesn’t include anything that hints at the 4x17 connection/reasoning.)

In all her explanations, Kaplan puts her protecting Liz/Agnes through the 'lens,’ if you will, of Red. Even when he’s not there, she gives her reasons about, revolving around and through Red. It was never about saving Liz to save Liz. It was about Red failing Liz, endangering her, and Kaplan choosing to 'act against him’ (from his perspective) and save Liz.

Let’s run through those explanations again, quickly, and see how often her reasoning revolves around Red, and not Liz.

The ‘Red’ Lens

The ‘how’ won’t change anything. … I suppose I knew what I would do that afternoon in the car on the drive to the mobile I.C.U. That poor girl. So afraid. Always looking over her shoulder. In the dark about who she was and why it mattered. But it wasn’t just about Elizabeth anymore. Her child was already paying the price for her association with you. …I saw my opportunity. (I know you’re afraid, sweetie. You should be. Agnes will never be safe in Raymond’s world. The question is… how are far are you willing to go to protect her?)

“It was excruciating to watch you mourn Elizabeth’s death. To know that I was making you endure that. Yes, I betrayed you. But only after you had betrayed her. Raymond, you have to change. I took Elizabeth from you, and now I need your help to get her back. And once you do, and I know you will, you have to let her go.“

“I didn’t just give you my friend as an act of contrition. I’m not sorry for what I did. I betrayed you for the same reason that I just betrayed Nikos: to keep Elizabeth safe. Just like you asked me to all those years ago when you first put her in my arms as a baby girl. Only now she has a baby girl of her own. And your existence in their lives puts them in constant danger.”

“I dedicated my life to you. You entrusted me with everything you value. Your freedom. Your life. A child. I have never failed you. What you see as a betrayal of your trust was actual a fulfillment of your wishes: to protect your interests. No more, no less.”

“The man you saw in the picture was my employer. He lost his way. At least that’s how I saw it. He placed a lovely young woman and her baby girl in terrible danger. Not deliberately, mind you. He loves them deeply. But enough to blind him to the reality that his very presence in their lives constitutes a threat. Not just to them, BUT TO HIMSELF AS WELL. I tried to help them. All I managed to do was to place her and the child in even greater danger. My efforts earned me a bullet in the head.”

###

Now, notice how much you/your/yours/he/him/his language in these explanations refers to RED. Not to Liz. Not to Kaplan. Not to Agnes. TO RED. Like, a shit ton. Even when he’s not fucking there, she’s talking primarily about Red. (Which I guess you could argue is because he’s in Cabin Guy’s photos; but, then why doesn’t she go on this long rant about how awesome Liz and Agnes are, and then say briefly that Red put them in danger, and she had to get them out??)

No, the focus is on Red. How he (supposedly) endangered them — although, as we discussed, he wasn’t the impetus for *this* particular attack, but he’s certainly endangered Liz several times before…. always doing everything he could, even offering himself in exchange for her, to keep her safe. It’s about how his world was affecting Liz and Agnes. How he had even ENDANGERED HIMSELF. HOW HE HAD BLINDED HIMSELF. How Kaplan was doing what she did not only out of concern for Liz and Agnes, but ultimately out of concern for Red himself.

The focus in all these monologues and dialogues about why Kaplan (and Liz) did it in focusing on Kaplan’s relationship with Red, and Red’s desire to be in Liz’s (and Agnes’) life.

That’s it.

Throughout all this bullshit, never do we get an indication of Kaplan’s deep parental affection for Liz (and grandparent-like affection for Agnes); a hint about Kaplan’s desire for vengeance against Red; or Kaplan’s desire to 'clean’ away the filth that she saw in Red and his organization that would endanger the lives of his associates, including Dembe.

It’s about Kaplan and Red, and Red and two ladies he loves that he also supposedly endangers.

The dynamic between Kaplan and Liz, or Kaplan and Agnes is very rarely mentioned. Let’s compare the explanations again, this time with any connection between Kaplan and the Keen gals bolded.

 The ‘Nanny Kaplan’ Lens

The ‘how’ won’t change anything. … I suppose I knew what I would do that afternoon in the car on the drive to the mobile I.C.U. That poor girl. So afraid. Always looking over her shoulder. In the dark about who she was and why it mattered. But it wasn’t just about Elizabeth anymore. Her child was already paying the price for her association with you. …I saw my opportunity. (I know you’re afraid, sweetie. You should be. Agnes will never be safe in Raymond’s world. The question is… how are far are you willing to go to protect her?)

“It was excruciating to watch you mourn Elizabeth’s death. To know that I was making you endure that. Yes, I betrayed you. But only after you had betrayed her. Raymond, you have to change. I took Elizabeth from you, and now I need your help to get her back. And once you do, and I know you will, you have to let her go.”

“I didn’t just give you my friend as an act of contrition. I’m not sorry for what I did. I betrayed you for the same reason that I just betrayed Nikos: to keep Elizabeth safe. Just like you asked me to all those years ago when you first put her in my arms as a baby girl. Only now she has a baby girl of her own. And your existence in their lives puts them in constant danger.“

“I dedicated my life to you. You entrusted me with everything you value. Your freedom. Your life. A child. I have never failed you. What you see as a betrayal of your trust was actual a fulfillment of your wishes: to protect your interests. No more, no less.”

“The man you saw in the picture was my employer. He lost his way. At least that’s how I saw it. He placed a lovely young woman and her baby girl in terrible danger. Not deliberately, mind you. He loves them deeply. But enough to blind him to the reality that his very presence in their lives constitutes a threat. Not just to them, but to himself as well. I tried to help them. All I managed to do was to place her and the child in even greater danger. My efforts earned me a bullet in the head.”

###

Not nearly as much, and I was being generous here. She really mostly emphasizes how concerned she was about the Keens in the first explanation (and a bit in the last one). That’s the only time I ever see anything resembling Kaplan’s affection for Liz and her daughter. After that, it’s pretty much all as I said before: the dynamic between Kaplan and Red, and the dynamic between Red and the Keen ladies.

I think you guys know the rest of the story – once Kaplan starts coming after Red, and Red starts coming after Kaplan – the dynamic starts 'turning’ much more into Kaplan’s hatred for Red, how she resents him for 'using’ her, how she was loyal to Liz and her family before she ever met him or became involved with him, how she loves Liz and Agnes like they’re her own family, to a degree.

Now maybe Kaplan’s memories/flashbacks in 4x17 were a bit wrong or fuzzy or a case of misremembering things… again, she’s had a serious head injury, she’s on drugs, etc., which the writers were very good about pointing out to us multiple times throughout the episode. But, when Liz remembers Kaplan’s affirming words to her in 4x18,it confirms Kaplan’s backstory as Liz’s nanny back in the day, if nothing else.

So, using all this, it’s pretty clear that Kaplan’s whole 'nanny’ backstory was a retcon. Her out-of-nowhere "betrayal” of Red so they could write Liz out of the show while Boone was on maternity leave; her weak plan to “protect” Liz and Agnes; her strange reasoning once the truth came out; her emphasis on how Red was endangering them, without any reference to Kaplan’s own past with the Rostov/a family or her first agreement with Red that she would always choose to keep Liz safe, even if it meant going against his wishes.

Compare all the above explanations to the dialogue that Kaplan and Red have at the end of 4x17:

Kaplan: I’ve been thinking about you.

Red: Happy thoughts?

Kaplan: I realized I was so wrapped in helping you build your empire, I lost sight of why I joined you in the first place. Somewhere along the way, I stopped serving Liz’s needs to enable yours.

Red: They are one in the same. They always have been. What we’ve done, we’ve done for her.

Kaplan: I believed that, Raymond. Like a pied piper you made me believe. But when I did what I thought was best for her—

Red: It wasn’t best. You almost got her killed, and you betrayed me.

Kaplan: No. I kept my word to you. When you hired me, you told me to choose Elizabeth over you, and I tried to help her disappear to a safe place with her newborn daughter. And for that, you put me down like a mad dog. For the last two decades of my life, you had me convinced I was helping keep Elizabeth safe. But, really, I was helping you become a monster.

###

Notice how Red doesn’t deny Kaplan’s explanation. He doesn’t say, “No, you never said that. We never agreed to that, etc. etc.” No, in fact, it’s the opposite. He agrees that everything they’ve ever done was for Elizabeth, confirming, to some degree, the conversation they had in the shadowy flashback in 4x17. She joined his empire to help Elizabeth. He doesn’t deny that. The 'nanny’ thing, while it’s not explicitly brought up, is implied to be true as well. She had an affection for and a loyalty to Elizabeth, and so she joined Red in his crusade to build an empire, all in the name of protecting her.

This was never brought up before in the show. NEVER.

Red and Kaplan should’ve had this conversation on the plane in 3x23, or in the field in 4x02. But, no, they didn’t.

Instead of Kaplan trying to convince Red like the friend that she was that he was endangering these two ladies he loved so much, now Kaplan and Red’s every conversation together sounds like two divorced parents fighting over their kid. “No, you didn’t do what was best for her. I did!” “No, you endangered her even more than I did! You being her life is worse for her than me being in her life is.” As someone who grew up with divorced parents and heard them having many conversations of this nature, it’s really getting annoying and just downright sad.

In Conclusion

I know the writers are free to do what they like. It’s their show, and no matter what I write here in this meta, it’s not going to change what they’ve already done and/or decided to do with the show.

But, they can’t and shouldn’t try to deny — if anyone ever asks them — whether this was a retcon, because it clearly was. They are not only shifting focus with these characters and their choices, but they are also shifting tones. It was no longer about serving Liz as a way to help Red; no, now it’s about how corrupt and evil and dangerous Red has become, and he can’t admit that, and he’s not going to leave Liz’s life willingly (even though he’s offered to walk away several times), so Kaplan has to make him leave by forcing his hand — either by letting him get killed by his associates, or having the task force out him and he gets captured. Never mind how this places Liz and the people on the task force in danger. Never mind how this affects Red’s associates, like Dembe or whomever, who maybe aren’t the best people, but they don’t deserve this bullshit.

I think I’ve written enough on this. I want to hear what you guys think. I know several arguments can be made in favor of the Kaplan-nanny storyline all along, but I don’t believe it. By the writers’ own admission, the Kaplan backstory was never part of the endgame and was a relatively new development in the story. Which is unfortunate, because it’s pretty clear from the way S3b and S4a were written that this plotline should’ve went in an entirely different direction. I wanted to see and hear more about Red needing to let Liz go, and live her own life, how he was endangering them. Yeah, let Red walk away, and let’s see what happens to Liz and Agnes. Are they safe? Will they be endangered further? I’m not being sarcastic; I seriously want to know whether they would be better off if Red wasn’t in their lives, as Kaplan argued in S3b and S4a.

So, what are your thoughts, fellow Blacklist fans? Was this a retcon? Where do you think they will go with this storyline? Does Kaplan being Liz’s nanny weaken the show, or strengthen it? Discuss!!

P.S. There will be an addition to this meta, which I’m in the process of writing, comparing how TBL handled Kaplan’s “turn” into a pseudo-parental figure, and how another show handled a similar plotline.

[queensgambiit]

€

( NPCS THAT AFFECTED MY MUSE | ALWAYS ACCEPTING | @braccati )

many of songyi’s relationships whether they be professional orpersonal seem to occur at the wrong time but with the right people. when songyi’sbrown irises flashed over son jiyeon’s feline features, she had been convincedthat she was the right one for her – even just for one night. songyi wasenjoying a lavish, carefree (for still being under the family eye) life as alaw student when she was eighteen years old when a naïve, cheerful deliverygirl decided to spill the entire contents of her midnight, study-inducedtakeout dinner all over her when she answered the door. laxer than she is ather current age, she took her in and cleaned her up, sending the beauty back onher way. it had taken her until the morning before she realised the other had scrawledher number over the fried chicken box.

their first few dates had been awkward, they felt too staged andit was clear that jiyeon didn’t enjoy the luxe and the atmosphere of the morehigh class restaurants around their campus. she’d been a senior art student atthe time, songyi had nothing but hearts in her eyes when she looked at her whenshe spoke about the subject that she was so passionate about especially withher stuck in a future bound by a non-existent debt, formed only by songyi’smisguided sense of loyalty and trust for her adoptive father. but when they’dstarted rolling around together at one of their respective apartments, studyingtogether, playing the odd video game and watching movies (songyi always remainedadamant she was the better player and had way better taste) the two seemed tofind their niche together.

jiyeon came to her at a time in her life however when songyi washaving a bit too much fun experiencing her freedoms. songyi liked to go out,she liked to have a few too many and stay out a bit too late for jiyeon’sliking. the other was always convinced of her infidelity and not to mentionthat she didn’t like her family at all ( ❛ theylook at everyone like they’re way above us – songyi, they make me feel like i’ma cockroach. it makes me so uncomfortable, i swear your brother wants to killme! ❜ ). songyi has nothing to say on the front of her infidelity,she didn’t remember after a few drinks anyway, and jiyeon had already made upher mind before she could even defend herself. it was much easier to do allthat however than admit to the mound of stress that was on her shoulders withher family’s criminal empire.

jiyeon stood by songyi for another two years. between thearguments and the distrust they still had something left between the two. therelationship wasn’t the most functioning, bordering toxic for the both of themwith the way that they argued. they played dirty in their arguments but kissedand made up after it had gone too south to save even if they didn’t see it atthe time. it was when the newly graduated lawyer started stepping out late atnight and came back with cuts and bruises that the two started to separate.their final explosive argument had been jiyeon arguing that she loved her toomuch to see her hurt and keeping secrets ( atruth ) and songyi arguing that she loved her too much to have her closeand see the danger and lies she was living (a truth ).

if one thing still remains, it was really difficult to kickjiyeon out of the apartment when she was in floods of tears.

[shannaraisles]

Set In Darkness

Chapter: 32 Author name: ShannaraIsles Rating: M Warnings: Canon-typical threat and violence Summary: She’s a Modern Girl in Thedas, but it isn’t what she wanted. There’s a scary dose of reality as soon as she arrives. It isn’t her story. People get hurt here; people die here, and there’s no option to reload if you make a bad decision. So what’s stopping her from plunging head first into the Void at the drop of a hat?

Worries

"Well, for a Warden who's been at this for almost twenty-five years, you're in remarkable health, Warden Blackwall."

The bearded man frowned at her as he re-laced his gambeson. "What do you mean by that, mistress?" he asked warily. "Why, for a Warden?"

Rory raised her brow innocently. Don't you look nervous, Thom Rainier? "Most Wardens are touched by the Blight in some way," she explained, relying on her position as a healer to explain away the fact that she knew this. "You must have astonishing resistance. Have you heard the Calling yet?"

All right, perhaps it was a little mean of her to be saying this, but Rory thought the man deserved a chance to be honest with someone early on. She hadn't intended to be quite so blunt about it, but she'd overheard him commenting that morning to Harritt that a woman fighting on the front lines in war only made it uglier. She was feeling bristly on behalf of every female Inquisitor she had ever made, and Blackwall was getting short shrift because of it.

He was certainly looking a little cornered - apparently he really did know next to nothing about what truly made a Grey Warden. The Blight was scary enough in itself, but she could see him trying to work out what she meant by the Calling. The thoughts were obvious in his mind - had she recognized him somehow, or was she truly asking? Was she trying to trick him into revealing himself? All this passed through his expression in a flash, his decision made as he opened his mouth to answer.

"That's not something we talk about outside the Order, mistress," he told her mysteriously, holding onto his lie. He was daring her to denounce him as a liar, she could tell. She didn't dare; he had to unmask himself, or he would never throw off his disguise in response to Kaaras' hopefully good influence on him.

"I understand, Warden Blackwall," she assured him. Missed your chance to come clean on your own, dude. "However ..."

He stilled in the act of rising, dark eyes turning to her face in alarm. "Aye?"

Rory leaned forward, meeting his gaze as she lowered her voice. "I've heard you've brought the Grey Warden treaties to the Inquisition," she said with quiet sternness. "I don't think they should risk using them, do you? Since you are not a Grey Warden."

Blackwall's expression shut down entirely as he sat heavily on the stool once again. "And what makes you say that?" he asked in a dangerous tone, his hand twitching toward the sword at his side.

 Here's your moment, Rory. Don't let him know you know he's Thom Rainier. That's guaranteed to end badly - probably with you bleeding out right here.

"There's no trace of the Blight in your body," she told him, still quiet, as nonthreatening as she could be. "Every Warden is touched by the Blight. A Warden who has served as long as you ostensibly have should be showing signs of the advanced stages. There is a reason why Grey Wardens rarely serve more than thirty or so years, ser. Either you have only just joined their ranks, or you are no Warden at all. In both cases, you have no authority to use those treaties."

She watched him take this in; watched the panic recede as she made no mention of his assumed name or a past he was still hiding from. After all, she was a healer. If he could assure her that no harm would come from his deception, she wouldn't tell anyone that he wasn't who he said he was.

"I ... was intended for the Wardens," he told her, picking his words with care. "The man who recruited me - Blackwall - he was killed by darkspawn. None of the other Wardens knew he'd recruited me, and ... well, I was a wanted man. Many Wardens are before they join. I ... I took his name. Thought I could honor his sacrifice and stay safe at the same time. I never ... I won't let them use the treaties, mistress. You're right - if the truth came out ..."

"It could destroy the Inquisition's reputation," she agreed with a firm nod, glad he saw the danger he'd brought with his eagerness to please. She eyed his trapped expression, and sighed. "Look, it's none of my business who you were or what you're running from. My only concern is the well-being of the Inquisition. If you can promise me that no harm will come to the Inquisition from your past or present, I see no reason to reveal what I know."

Blackwall visibly relaxed as she offered him a get-out clause. "I'll set myself to keeping the treaties from being used," he promised her. "If you'll keep my secret, I'll make sure no harm comes from them."

Rory considered him for a moment. It wasn't ideal - yet another lie to keep - but it was better than the mess in-game those treaties caused. People were on edge enough without accidentally abusing Grey Warden privileges.

"You have my word," she said finally, hoping this wouldn't affect the dynamic of the inner circle.

But the misuse of the Grey Warden treaties had never sat well with her. The use and fall-out might be only shown on the war table, but having played The Warden in Origins, she was deeply protective of the Order, for all its faults. Despite his deception, though, Blackwall/Rainier meant no real harm. He was at least trying to be a better man, even under someone else's name.

"Thank you, mistress," he breathed, his relief palpable. "If ever I can do you a service, you will have my sword."

"Just give the Inquisition your loyalty, and we're even," she told him, relieved herself that this had gone so well. "But yes, aside from that sprain in your elbow, you're fighting fit. Try to rest your arm for a couple of days - take elfroot for the pain."

"I will." He nodded gratefully, rising from his seat once more. He gave her one last worried look, and turned on his heel to escape the clinic and her knowing gaze.

Here's hoping that doesn't have any catastrophic effects on the story. Rory sighed as she signed off on her report. It was odd - she'd never really had any strong feelings about Blackwall when she'd played the game, but face to face, she'd found herself very uneasy in his presence. Perhaps it was the sheer magnitude of the lie he was living under, or the knowledge that he had sanctioned the murder of children for money before leaving his men to suffer for his mistake. Everyone here was a killer, it was true, but Blackwall really felt like one. But then again, it was all subjective.

She glanced up as the door opened again, smiling at the sight of Luis balancing a tray which was loaded with plates and bowls - lunch for himself and Netta, and for their bed-bound patients.

"Need a hand?" she offered, rising to open the inner door for him.

"We've got this," he assured her as he edged past. "You should go and get your own. You know how the Herald gets when you miss meals."

"I thought the Herald was in conference with the council," she commented in confusion.

Luis shook his head, handing the tray to Netta. "Came out about an hour ago," he told her. "Prepping to head out in the morning; scuttlebutt says to Redcliffe. Someone saw that Tevinter in the Chantry before he headed off."

Rory frowned curiously. That must be Dorian, she thought, forcing herself not to smile in excitement. So Kaaras was going to the mages, after all. It was a relief to know that the Venatori were not going to get hold of a big army of magic users, but she couldn't help feeling a pang for the templars in Therinfal Redoubt being slowly corrupted by an Envy demon, helpless to fight the red lyrium in their philters. But it seemed that, even when the world was real, there was no room for compromise. Cullen must be doing his nut, she realized. At most, he had a month to prepare for the arrival of a large number of mages in the shadow of the Breach.

"Did you see the commander out there?" she asked Luis in concern.

He paused in the act of helping Netta prepare the patients to eat. "Uh, no, I don't think I did," he admitted thoughtfully. "He might still be in the Chantry."

I just bet he is, stoking his own paranoia. The prospect of abominations would definitely be playing on Cullen's mind, and with good reason. He'd lived through the worst that could possibly happen, after all. She couldn't blame him for his over-reaction to the imminent danger.

"All right," she said finally, rubbing her forehead. "I'll be back in about an hour - most likely in the Chantry if you need me."

"Right you are, mistress."

Leaving the two nurses to their work and their own lunch, Rory stepped out into the growing cold of Haven. It was strange to think that it must have been summer when she was dropped into this cold world - the seasons were turning, bringing even colder weather and more frequent snowstorms to the mountain village. Their greatest concern was keeping the pilgrims' camp sheltered from those winds; though more recruits arrived almost daily, the majority of the soldiers, agents, and horses were deployed across southern Thedas by now. Haven was diminished by their absence, and finally Rory could see around her a base of operations that was truly vulnerable to attack. She'd done all the preparation she could without rousing anyone's suspicion - four emergency packs now sat against the wall inside the clinic; she was making a habit of wearing a dress over her shirt and pants; she had a specific supply of triple distilled poppy juice on her person at all times. She sincerely hoped she wasn't going to have to use it, but if the clinic had patients unable to move when Corypheus attacked ...

These dark thoughts in mind, she joined the line for the kitchens, letting her eyes pass over the groups already eating, automatically seeking out familiar faces. Sera was sitting on top of the forge, dropping the vegetables she didn't want down to the sturdy Ferelden Forder in the pen below; Kaaras was sitting with Iron Bull, both deep in conversation with Krem. Cassandra seemed to have eaten already, beating a line of dummies into submission with a blunted practice sword; a pair of dark heads bent together between the tents behind her suggested that Rylen and Evy were either smooching or planning something. The other faces she considered to be closer friends were nowhere in sight, likely in the tavern or at work again. She did, however, offer Helene a sympathetic grimace when it came her turn to collect her lunch.

"You're still on kitchen duty?" she asked her friend as she held out her plate.

"The commander's not subtle when he's pissed at you," Helene intimated, shrugging diffidently.

"Two months is too much," Rory asserted. Helene really didn't deserve to still be paying for that mishap in Val Royeaux. "I'll talk to him. Has he eaten?"

Helene shook her head. "No sign of him," she told the healer in a resigned voice. "You want to take his, too?"

"I might as well," Rory agreed, watching as he friend laid another couple of skewers of roasted meat and vegetables on her plate. "See you later?"

Helene nodded. "One of these days, I'm going to get you sparring without dropping the sword and hiding behind your shield," she predicted, albeit with a teasing smile.

"I wish you the best of luck with that." Rory laughed, stepping away to retrace her steps into the village and up to the Chantry.

No one intercepted her on her way, for which she was grateful. Leliana and Josephine were talking in the spymaster's tent, the hopeful tension on their faces confirming the gossip Luis had relayed to her - Kaaras was going to Redcliffe. No wonder Cullen had failed to appear from the war room yet. Sleep was going to be even more of a struggle for a while, she guessed, inwardly bracing herself for more nightmares in the very near future. But that wasn't her immediate concern. No, her immediate concern was a harried-looking commander bent over the map table, who didn't even glance up as she entered.

"Take this to Knight-Captain Brycen," he ordered, thrusting a piece of parchment in her direction.

"Eat your lunch, and I'll think about it," Rory responded mildly, smiling as he raised his eyes from the table in surprise.

"Rory, I ... forgive me, I thought you were Jim," Cullen stammered apologetically, putting the parchment down.

"Because we're so alike," she teased, deliberately light. She set the plate down on the table. "If you ask me very nicely, I'll take it with me when you've eaten."

"Now is not the time for levity, Rory," he told her with a stern frown. "I have work to do."

"And at least four weeks to prepare for the mages," she countered. The alarm on his face prompted her to add, "Haven gossips worse than a tavern full of drunk dwarves, you know that. Kaaras is going back to Redcliffe; that means you've decided to ally with the mages. Eat your lunch."

"Circumstances took the decision away from us," he said wearily, reaching up to rub at his neck. She heard the vertebrae pop under his hand. Bath and massage tonight, then. "If we don't deal with the mages, we'll be leaving Ferelden with a foreign power holding territory within her borders."

"The decision was made for you," she answered calmly. "You have time to prepare, so there's no need to be skipping meals."

"There's too much to do," he tried to argue, but she wasn't having it.

"Cullen, if you don't eat, I am going to have to feed you," Rory told him, her turn to be stern. "And we both know that won't end well."

To her relief, that prompted a rueful smile. "I'd like to see you try," he commented, but obediently picked up a skewer and began to eat.

"Not today," she chuckled, moving to lean at his side as she, too, tackled a skewer. "So talk to me. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Aside from laying in supplies against an outbreak of violent skirmishes, I don't think so," he advised, his tone laden with dread. "Truth be told, there's not much I can do. There will be abominations. All I can really do is try to put safeguards in place to minimize the risk to us all, the mages included."

"What do you mean?" she asked, genuinely interested, around a mouthful of what tasted like nug. Should I be worried that my taste-buds now recognize it as nug, and not dusty rabbit? "Like glyphs and wards?"

"Among other things," he agreed in a thoughtful tone. "We'll have to find some way to securely accommodate them. Too many quartered together would be a beacon for the demons we know are only too ready to escape the Fade on the other side of the Breach."

"What about the templars?" Rory queried, indulging her curiosity. "There are a few still here."

"Too few for my peace of mind." Cullen sighed, setting the empty skewer aside and absentmindedly laying his hand at her hip. "We have ten templars here with the temperament for teaching. If each of them teaches ten recruits how to counter magic, we'll have just over a hundred who are capable of it. But I am loath to order anyone to learn - they would have to take lyrium to be truly effective.

She frowned with him, understanding his concern. But she knew, as he didn't, that the Venatori were going to be a challenge, and that potential one-hundred could be vital further down the line. "So don't order them," she suggested. "Ask for volunteers and make sure they know what they're signing up for. Don't let anyone go into it blind."

"You may be right," he said reluctantly. "But it doesn't sit well with me."

"I know, love." She laid her hand against the cool metal of his cuirass. "But sometimes we have to choose the lesser of two evils, when the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few." Thank you, Mr. Spock.

His gloved hand covered hers as he nodded slowly. "We all have to do things we don't agree with," he murmured, leaning in to kiss her brow. "But I would do far worse to keep you safe."

"Oh, you hopeless romantic," she teased gently, giggling as he dipped his head to press his smile to hers tenderly.

The door opened behind her, but to her surprise, Cullen didn't immediately pull away. He seemed to need this moment of loving contact more than he desired to keep his private life private, taking his time in softening, then ending, that kiss.

"Ah," she heard Cassandra say uncomfortably. "I had thought you were alone, but I see I was mistaken."

Rory's smile only deepened when Cullen drew back from her, no part of his countenance betraying that he'd been caught kissing her. He wasn't even blushing as he met Cassandra's eyes. Wow ... is he getting more confident, or am I losing my touch?

"How can I be of service, Lady Cassandra?"

Cassandra looked as though she wanted to strangle herself for interrupting such an intimate moment, despite the fact that no one really expecting to find the commander smooching in the war room. "I had hoped to go over the plan in better detail," she offered awkwardly.

"I'll leave you to it, then," Rory said through her broad smile, snagging another skewer as she pushed out of her lean. She pointed to what was left on the plate, eyeing Cullen sternly. "Eat."

"I will make sure he does," Cassandra promised when Cullen's only response was to roll his eyes at the healer.

"Thank you."

Rory winked at the Seeker as she left, pausing to blow the commander a kiss from the door and watch as his ears turned pink in answer. Now the Seeker and the commander's faces matched, she left them to it, confident that Cassandra would make sure Cullen finished his lunch. Now there was a woman who was more than capable of force-feeding Cullen Rutherford. With Cassandra on the case, he definitely wouldn't go hungry today.