#schmok id

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[ ID: Screenshot of the Yak question, "How do I get rid of my shitbag smelly roommate?" Someone answered, "Kill him." OP replies, "That's a bit extreme I was hoping for a more passive resolution." The answer is, "Kill him only a little." / End ID ]

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[ ID: Picture of a brown horse with a blaze and reins. The top of the image is edited to look like the bottom of a speech bubble. / End ID ]

So, when it rained a lot the other day the front pasture got pretty flooded and when I called the babes up for breakfast Houdini was walking around the “pond” and went to go stand on his board that he loves to stand on and it started to move and that’s the story of probably the first horse who ever surfed. 

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[ ID: Screenshot of a tweet by Kiersten White @kierstenwhite: "Sometimes as motivation I reward myself before I accomplish something. It's called a preward, and it 100% does not work." / End ID ]

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[ Transcript #1:

Anonymous 03/28/08 (Fri) 00:14 No. 561195 So ur with ur honey and yur making out wen the phone rigns. U anser it n the voice is "wut r u doing wit my daughter?" U tell ur girl n she say "my dad is ded". THEN WHO WAS PHONE?

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[ Transcript #2:

THIS IS THE STORY OF A DAY WHERE THERE WAS ALL THIS BLOOD. A MAN WAS WALKING AROUND AND BLOOD STARTED COMING OUT OF HIM EVERYWHERE. THERE WAS SO MUCH BLOOD THAT IT FILLED UP AN ELEVATOR. HE WENT TO THE STORE AND THERE WAS JUST BLOOD ALL OVER THE PLACE! PEOPLE WERE SLIPPING IN IT AND THEY WERE ALL GROSSED OUT. HE TRIED TO GO SWIMMING AND ALL OF THE SHARKS WENT NUTS AND BITTENED EVERYBODY. HE GOT CHASED BY ALL THE VAMPIRES EVER. ONE TIME THE BLOOD GOT A KID AND A DOG. AT THE END OF THE DAY EVERYONE DECIDED THEY WOULD SEND HIM TO SPACE SO THAT HE WOULD STOP GETTING BLOOD EVERY WHERE. THE SCARIEST PART IS THAT THE MAN WAS YOU!!! (OR HE WAS A LADY IF YOU ARE A LADY) AND YOU FORGOT THAT THIS HAPPENED

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[ Transcript #3:

man & girl go out to drive under moonlight. they stop at on at a side of road. he turn to his girl and say: "baby, i love you very much" "what is it honey?" "our car is broken down. i think the engine is broken. ill walk and get some more fuel." "ok. ill stay here and look after our stereo. there have been news report of steres being stolen" "good idea. keep the doors locked no matter what. i love you sweaty" so the guy left to get full for the car. after two hours the girl say "where is my baby. he was supposed to be back by now". then the girl here a scratching sound and voice say "LET ME IN" the girl doesnt do it and then after a while she goes to sleep. the next morning she wakes up and finds her boyfriend still not there. she gets out to check and man door hand hook car door

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[ Transcript #4:

"A FEW YEARS AGO A MAN WAS WALKING DOWN A ROAD BECAUSE HIS CAR BROKE DOWN AND HE SAW A CAR COMING UP BEHIND HIM SO HE STUCK OUT HIS THUMB TO HITCH HIKE AND THE CAR STOPPED AHEAD OF HIM. HE RAN UP TO THE PASSENGER SIDE AND OPENED THE DOOR. WHEN HE OPENED THE DOOR A SKELETON POPPED OUT"

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in honour of halloween behold the four horsemen of the apocalypse

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[ ID: Screenshot of tumblr tags that read, "#Lord of the rings Texas edition #One ring to rule y'all" / End ID ]

You have my gun

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[ GIF Description: Nine GIFs all showing the same Male Eastern Bluebird bopping up and down. Some birds change their rhythm now and then, so different birds are synchronised. / End Description ]

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[ ID: Comic of Polyphemus and Odysseus. Polyphemus points accusingly at Odysseus, narrowed eye, and asks, "What is your name?" Odysseus points at himself, looking up at Polyphemus, and says, "I am 'Nobody.'" Then Polyphemus crouches down to be on par with Odysseus, face set into a empathetic expression. He says, "Hey man, that's not true. You are somebody, and you matter." Odysseus looks surprised with pin-needle sized eyes and a big, open mouth. / End ID ]

Motivational Polyphemus

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[ ID: Screenshot of a tweet by austin @/iGotNoHoz that reads, "ur (your) honor my client doesn't like jail" ]

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[ ID: Photo of a dachshund. / End ID ]

It's wild how many people don't consider a breed's nature when selecting a dog. Sure, they are all individuals with their own personalities and varying ranges of intellect, but work dogs especially haven't just been selectively bred for certain physical traits, but mental ones as well. Herding dogs are highly intelligent and while they obviously love to herd, they take pleasure in being able to figure out exactly what the human wants them to do, and then doing their best to execute that perfectly.

With hunting dogs, it all depends on what kind of task they were bred for. Come to think of it, I think "hunting dog" as a cathegory is somewhat of a "there's no such thing as a fish" sort of thing. Retrievers retrieve prey, a gun dog isn't there to make the kill. That's a world of difference to the kind of a dog that was bred to harry bears or wild boars. If you pick a breed that's used for hunting because it's cute, without even knowing what kind of task it was born to do, you're going to have problems.

This is the face of a man whose body, heart and soul were shaped for duty, to perform one task. This dog, and his entire bloodline of ancestors were born knowing exactly what they were born to do, and a fiery desire to do it. This is a man who was born to run headfirst into the burrow of a beast larger than himself, bite it right in the fucking face, and drag it out of the burrow by the face to be killed. Look him in the eyes and take a moment to meditate whether you would truly have what it takes to earn the respect of a man who was born to kill badgers.

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[ ID: Picture of a black-and-white rooster in sneakers. Superimposed is the text, "flightless bird, my ass, this mf fly as hell" / End ID ]

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[ ID: Simple line-art of a person standing underneath a speech bubble shaped like a rain cloud. The speech bubble is coming from a bodyless head and says, "Here is some criticism." The person themself is saying, "No thanks," and their own speech bubble is shaped like an umbrella, shielding them from the criticism raining down. At the same time, they hold up a watering can labelled, "I've got my own," while they water their own head with a smug/satisfied expression. / End ID ]

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[ ID: Screenshot of Google search result from wiktionary that reads, "pleonasm is the additional and extra use of added, spare, unnecessary, redundant (superfluous or surplus), unneeded, and uncalled-for words in addition to, and on top of, what is necessary or essential. Or required. Or obligatory or vital or requisite or crucial." / End ID ]

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[ ID: Screenshot of Shrek, Donkey, and the Puss in Boots from the second Shrek-movie in front of the secretary's desk in the Fairy Godmother's HQ. The caption is edited to say, "they don't even have doch." (A German particle, usually used to either turn around a "no," tone down a statement, seek affirmation, or add "yet", "but" or "after all" to a sentence. / End ID ]

My german ass when I remember that english just doesn't have decent translations for some words I use on the daily

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[ ID: Reddit-Post by Arteragorn, 2h ago, reading: "I was the best man on both sides of a lesbian wedding because I had dated both the bride and the bride, stayed close friends and introduced them to each other after our breakups."

Underneath is the "I am aware of the effect I have on women"-meme with the face of Mako from Avatar: The Legend of Korra photoshopped over Charles Miner's face. / End ID ]

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[ GIF Description: 9 GIFs of The Road to El Dorado.

First GIF: In front of a crowd of spectators, Tulio climbs up a few crates, gesturing with his left hand and holding an épée in the other, a playfully smug look on his face. Miguel, off-screen, says, "You fight like my sister!" And Tulio replies, "I've fought your sister. That's a compliment."

Second GIF: Tulio, Miguel, Chel, and Altivo sit in-between rocks. Tulio is in the center, sobbing with his hands covering his face before takes a deep sigh and holds his hands up in a placating gesture. Miguel reaches out to him, concerned, but takes shies away before he actually touches Tulio. Chel watches the whole ordeal slightly amused before leaning forward. Altivo in the background tries to hide his golden horse shoes before slowly turning away to walk out of the frame, guility rolling his eyes. Tulio says, "[dramatically sobbing] I'm FINE."

Third GIF: Tulio and Miguel face the camera with wide eyes before looking at each other, talking in rapid succesion, and finally turning back to the camera with an airy-fairy expression. Miguel: "Both?" Tulio: "Both." Miguel: "Both." Tulio: "Both." Miguel: "Both is good."

Fourth GIF: Miguel and Tulio sit inside a boat, legs dangling over the railing. Miguel, forcibly smiling as bright as possible at Tulio, says, "Tulio, look on the bright side. At least it can't get-" He's interrupted by heavy rain falling down, and deflates visibly. Meanwhile Tulio looks absolutely defeated, hands covering his hands. He asks, "Excuse me, were you going to say 'worse'?" turning towards Miguel during the last word, screaming it into Miguel's face.

Fifth GIF: Miguel and Tulio stand in front of the temple, Tulio looks delighted, nose turnd upward, while Miguel leans away from him, clearly taken aback. Tulio asks, "Miguel, you know that little voice people have that tells them to quit when they're ahead?" Tulio's face morphs into an excusing expression, and he yells, "YOU DON'T HAVE ONE!"

Sixth GIF: Tulio, Miguel, and Artivo on the boat again, the sky is light blue and the boat doesn't move. Artivo sighs, head hanging over the railing. Tulio's and Miguel's backs lean against each other, they both look tired, turning their heads at the end to look at each other out of the corners of their eyes. Miguel tries to smile. Miguel asks, "Any regrets?" And Tulio counterquestions, "Besides dying?"

Seventh GIF: Two wooden casks on a plank wrapped in a fishnet is being lifted up in front of armoured guards looking down a wall. Tulio (in one of the casks) asks, "What's happening here?" Miguel (in another cask) answers, "We're both in barrels. That is the extent of my knowledge."

Eighth GIF: Tulio stares into the camera skeptically. Miguel plops up behind Tulio's right shoulter, lifting his eyebrows a few pointed times. He says, "The stars," and walks over to Tulio's other shoulder, shaking his head and continuing, "Can't do it." He leaves the frame but leans back in to finish, "not today."

Last GIF: "Tulio stands, unmoving, staring angrily at Miguel. Miguel looks into the air, before realising that Tulio is staring at him and jumping backwards, startled. He lay his hand on his chest, shaking his head placatingly. He says, "Don't blame me!" This causes Tulio to raise his finger, poking it in Miguel's face and pushing him back. He says, "I blame you." / End Description ]

The Road to El Dorado (2000) dir. Bibo Bergeron, Don Paul, Jeffrey Katzenberg

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[ ID: Screenshot of a comment with a tiny picture of Emmanuel Kant attachted, reading:

Emmanuel Kant: Drank a *lot* of coffee. When he didn't have a cup for a while he became distraught and would cry "I am drowning!" This was the sign for his servants to bring him a new cup of coffee molto pronto. When he saw it arriving he would cry "Land! My dear friends, I see land!!" I want to bully him. What a fucking dork. Doesnt help that his moral theory is terrible.

/ End ID ]