#scribblings.txt

[hauntingofhouses]

hear me out. delusional post-canon taimizu idea. after mizu gets her revenge and helps akemi secure her position in the palace mizu retires and uses her mercenary money and whatever payment akemi gives her as thanks to buy a secluded land and house, maybe in the mountains or something. and ringo is there too because of course!

and every day she forges weapons and tends to her little bit of land feeding chickens and raising horses and training and meditating. every so often they get visitors who come to seek training from mizu and/or a sword made by her hand. and i like to imagine that mizu's presentation is still fluid so she'll dress feminine and let her hair down at night or on days when no visitors are around, and dress masculine and presenting as a man when accepting visitors. all in all it's peaceful and it's familiar and she is content with her level of freedom and this restricted contact with the outside world

and in this scenario (since it's taking place in my own imagined post-canon), mizu has already duelled taigen and there was the whole gender reveal too, and there may or may not have been drama but ultimately taigen was still her ally and helped in her revenge quest. but because taigen is taigen and all about following societal rules, he never quite knew how to navigate his feelings for mizu (who goes against ALL societal expectations) and so he never quite acted on his feelings and mizu with her deep self-hatred just figured that he didn't like her that way. so when she got the chance after finishing her quest and everything, she just left him a farewell note before cutting off all ties.

but of course taigen is a whipped mf who can NOT just let mizu go so of course he spends like. years. searching for mizu and pestering akemi for information before he FINALLY finds the abode of the legendary blue-eyed swordsman

so when he arrives mizu's life is now up-turned. reluctantly she greets him as her visitor because he's "travelled very far and he's very hungry" so as courtesy she has to feed him and besides it's late and it's snowy and ringo insists that taigen stay so reluctantly she lets him stay over.

so taigen stays. and mizu tells herself it's JUST for ringo's sake. cuz ringo is obviously happy to have an old friend over (and mizu feels a little guilty here because she feels that by staying by her side he's forced to also adhere to her reclusive lifestyle despite enjoying friendships and fun). and she watches ringo and taigen having fun sparring from afar before taigen notices her watching and throws her a sword and challenges her to a spar.

and then as mizu starts fighting taigen again something lights up in her again and like man she has forgotten what this felt like. because sure she practices every day and she always spars with her students and with ringo, but this is taigen. he challenges her and goads her on and with them fighting is a dance, a play, an art.

and of course it ends with mizu handing taigen's ass to him and they're both flushed and breathless and they can't tear their eyes away from each other and there's all this TENSION and the only thing that forces them to both remember their surroundings is ringo cheering mizu on from the sidelines, thus interrupting their prolonged erotic eye contact

and before she realises it taigen is staying another night, and another. and her traitorous heart likes him around, enjoys his company, their banter, their playful duels.

and i like to imagine taigen tricking her to spar only for it to devolve into tickle fight because taigen is a childish brat looking for any way to one-up her, but also he wants her to loosen up a little and this definitely takes off guard and then they're both giggling and rolling around like kids until they get interrupted again by like some other visitor who's come to request a sword from her

SO ANYWAY fast forward and eventually taigen moves in and now when visitors come over they get training from mizu AND taigen and everyone basically knows theyre fucking but since theyre two men nobody bats an eye the end send post

EDIT: I have written a fic out of this premise which you can read here :)

[hauntingofhouses]

i think fandoms can be soooo ridiculous a lot of the time (see: all the nonsensical fan wars, discourse, etc) but i cannot understate how much i actually love fandoms.

like yeah it may be super nerdy and even cringe and outsiders look at it like "why tf do you care about these fictional characters so much?"

but 1) my field is literally..... literary studies..... in which all i do is study fiction and analyse it like an insane person, and 2) even if that WASN'T my field, thinking about the stories we consume is important even for any person to do, because thinking about stories exercises our brain to think critically!! why do you think our ancestors used stories as a medium to share knowledge, to propagate moral values and lessons? stories—telling them, thinking about what they're saying, and caring about the characters within them—are all inherent to the human experience!!!

so that brings me to fandom. because we are literally just making these little communities with each other based on our shared love for a particular story, and for a particular character or theme within them that resonated with us, or whatever. we're all here because we loved a thing so much that we built connections from it!!!

like yeah my irl friends laugh at me when i tell them i write fanfic, cuz ha ha what a nerd what a loser etc, but dude. i made genuine real friendships from fandom alone. from just obsessing over two characters we thought were cute together, we've gone to sending each other gifts and postcards and having voice calls and confiding in each other and sharing parts of us and our personal lives and our cultures (cuz we're all from different countries) with each other! like now i don't even share a fandom with most of my old fandom friends anymore but we still stick by each other and that's amazing???

also like, i cannot emphasise enough how amazing and encouraging it is to share your craft (art/writing/etc) with others in fandom. because for example if i make my own personal art or write my own original work, i'd have no one to share it to, no one interested to see it, and thus no one will be there to provide feedback or encouragement.

but if i post a piece of fan art or fanfic, people actually do see the work i post and care about the craft and the content it's depicting and even share their thoughts on it and that ??? is so motivating and lovely ??? because even though i make art for myself, art is still meant to be shared and seen at the end of the day—even if only with one person. so to be given the means of sharing our art in such a way, to have such a community that fosters so much creativity, it's amazing. i don't really get that anywhere else.

and especially to have this in like, a casual setting, you know, where you can just be yourself and do things according to your own time and energy without the pretenses of professionalism and a perfectly curated resume or portfolio, and all the confines of a rigid work schedule, which would all make the process of creation less fun and less genuine, and instead just more taxing and chore-like.

because fandom is essentially meant to be about doing what's fun for you! it's about sharing your creations and enjoying what others share with you. you make friends and you go ham with it.

and also it's why it's more frustrating when people take things too seriously and legitimately get upset over assumptions of other people's beliefs and hold the most minor grievances that could only be felt if you're like, chronically online.

but on that note, there are definitely still honest-to-god bad people in fandom spaces too (see: racists, TERFS, homophobes, groomers, harassers, etc). but that's the case with all communities, because bad people are always going to exist, and thus statistically speaking, the bigger a group or community is, higher chances are there's gonna be some awful people in there. but honestly that is its own can of worms and also that's not what this post is about, but i felt it necessary to address because i don't want to paint fandom as like, the best thing ever in the world, because fandom spaces are incredibly flawed, as everything is.

but i've always been one to appreciate things despite its flaws. and though this may be very personal to me, when i love things so much, i am still willing to stick around and try to change the culture around it in the ways that i can (like promoting internet safety measures, creating safe spaces for thoughtful and polite discussion, raising awareness on harmful stereotypes and fandom depictions or opinions, etc).

so regardless of the bullshit that online fandom spaces tend to perpetuate, i do very much still love the way that fandom allows me to connect with folks over something as silly as our little blorbos, and from there end up making life-long friends, or at the very least new acquaintances. insert reinforcement of my thesis statement about stories fostering human connection here. the end. send post.

[hauntingofhouses]

in the delusional intricate modern AU in my mind taigen and mizu have been married for 2 years

[hauntingofhouses]

i love being southeast asian.

despite whatever unhappy history, despite the rise of ethnonationalism and racism in our countries; despite the fact that most of us remain in the global south under the invisible thumb of western empires and conglomerates, exploited by rich expats and beg-packers; despite the conservatism, the bigotry, the pain and prejudice and the corruption.

despite all that, i love where i am from. this is my home.

my hands tenderly trace the lines of our history and find within it a colourful collection of influences that continue to shape us until today:

the native malays, javanese, sundanese, minangkabau, bugis, visayan, tagalog, and other dominant peoples.

alongside indigenous tribes like the iban, kadazan, sama-bajau, temuan, penan, jakun, and hundreds upon hundreds more ethnic groups.

all of us holding onto our ancestors' mysticism and spirituality and animism, the watchful gaze of legacy fixed on us as we move through an ever-changing and modernising world (and what is modernity anyway? isn't civilisation overrated?).

and then the chinese peoples. the hainanese, hokkien and cantonese and more, many of whom came here due to trade in the pre-colonial era, but then most arrived as the imported labour for the colonial powers.

but this is their home too. we live here together, and through them we all celebrate lunar new year and the mid-autumn festival. all of us give red envelopes during our many festivals. we give oranges that symbolise prosperity and ring in the year of the rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, goat. we hold lion dance performances in our malls and marks. we eat and exchange mooncakes.

and then the indian peoples, though mostly tamil indians from south india, but also sikhs, malayalis, and punjabis, who arrived and assimilated and spread their culture and beliefs much earlier before the pre-colonial era, causing the indianisation of southeast asia. then more indian peoples came during the colonial era, again, as imported labour, working our fields or donning the uniform of our common oppressors, kept walled away from us despite how alike we look and sound.

because truly we do sound the same. sanskrit remains an abundant source for a large chunk of our languages. i hear the vedic mantras and can pick apart words that sound familiar. hinduism and buddhism still leaves its traces in our cultures even for those of us who've shifted to islam.

and yes, islam. we're not what the west thinks of when they talk about the muslim world, but southeast asia has some of the largest muslim populations in the world. because through trade, since the medieval times, islam came here and with it brought so many arabic influences that has come to shape our languages and customs, with plenty of our cultures having since been morphed around islamic beliefs and ideas. in malaysia and indonesia and brunei (and perhaps even certain parts of the philippines) you'll find a mosque or a prayer room everywhere you go. and every ramadan millions of us fast, every eid all of us dress up and visit each other's houses for feasts and festivities.

then of course came european colonisation at the hands of the portugese, dutch, british (in malaysia and indonesia's case we got all three), spanish, and french their reigns lasting over 400 years. and from them we came european culture and more new languages, english quickly becoming a second language (or even a first language) for so many of us, missionaries building churches and spreading the word of jesus christ as the son of god; with their fair features they draw a line between us and them, between the civilised and the barbarians, between the light-haired light-eyed and the unruly dark-haired dark-eyed.

and then comes world war 2 and the japanese invasion, and for most it was so brutal and violent, and for the rest it was miserable, with famine and inflation but we were forced to sing songs in japanese anyway, to watch their planes fly in the sky towards their enemies, to swallow their ideas in our parched throats.

and then the war ended and wounds began to heal, and then came the 1980s until now with all its shiny technology: nintendo, panasonic, television and anime, and now we have leagues of people learning japanese language and culture anyway, except now it is done wholeheartedly, and as it turns out japanese isn't even that different from our own cultures anyway. houses on stilts made of wood with thatch roofs, making our living from the sea and coast, eating rice for every meal, our phonetics and theirs so alike.

and today we have waves of their expats migrating here because of course they do, we're the Global South™ and for them it's cheap and affordable, so we have little japans sprouting here and there and sometimes i go to a random street and find signs written in japanese and read bits of broken hiragana.

and it's beautiful, being able to move through this world and find the handprints we've all left upon it. it's a wonderful amalgam of so many traditions and colours and beliefs and language all mixing around in this huge bubbling melting pot.

and i'm not chinese or indian or arab or british but when i see them on tv, i'm also seeing a part of me, i hear the words in their tongue and i recognise them as mine, i eat their food and know them as intimately as my own.

but of course our politicians, our kings and our prime ministers (and the divide-and-conquer rule of colonisers now gone) continue to divide us and make us hate each other, fanning flames of distrust and fear of that-which-is-different.

it's such a shame too, because it's so special. it's what makes us us, our dozens of creoles, the way we can speak a sentence comprising vernacular from at least four languages and we all understand each other anyway.

we have a word in malay, "rojak", which is also the name of a dish that mixes a bunch of different ingredients, and is found in malaysian, indonesian and singaporean cuisine. but where i'm from, we also say "rojak" to mean anything that's an eclectic mixture of things, things that seemingly don't go together and aren't necessarily pleasing to the eye but still, somehow, it works, in fact it tastes good, spicy and flavourful and hearty.

and that's us: southeast asia, all of it, a beautiful rojak culture. and it's ours.

[hauntingofhouses]

stories about home and belonging. about parents and children. about friendship and community and family. about connection and understanding.

home as warmth and love and comfort and respite. home as familiarity and knowing. home as vulnerability but also shelter.

home as your own body. when it doesn't feel right you reconstruct it.

because homes are something you build, at the end of the day. and thus must be maintained, renovated, decorated. or you can start again from scratch. brick by brick.

[hauntingofhouses]

👋🏻 intro + tags

call me haydar! queer southeast asian who never shuts up about anything.

interests, fandoms & ships are listed on my carrd.

side blogs:

- @haydardotjpg (art blog) - @mirrorsimaging (aesthetic/inspo blog) - @salami--sato (a:tla blog) - @aquakeymom (kh blog)

tags:

all my original posts - #shut up haydar my fandom posts - #fandom.rtf my meta - #meta dissertations.pdf my art - #drawings.jpg my fics - #fanfic.docx my misc writing - #scribblings.txt fandom discourse - #wank.mp3 my fandom shitposts - #shitpost.htm my edits - #edits.gif my writing-related posts - #on writing.log my OCs - #haydar's OCs asks and answers - #letters.doc my comments on reblogs - #peer review and addendums.pdf all posts related to "a new ember" - #a new ember taimizu fic personal - #diary.log

✨ fanfic comment hall of fame: